“Papa will you come back tomorrow?”
The innocently spoken words felt as if a thousand thorns struck Lilia.
Malleus climbed onto his bed; unaware of the turmoil his words had brought forth.
Papa.
Lilia took a shuddering breath in.
Papa.
Lilia clenched his fists.
Malleus couldn’t call him by such a title.
It wouldn’t be allowed.
“Malleus,” Lilia kneels in front of the little prince, “You can’t call me that.”
Malleus’ lips trembled, brows furrowed, “Why not? Papas are ones who takes care of and raises children.”
Lilia closed his eyes, he had to control his emotions; before holding the tiny hands clenching his clothes.
When had these hands grown? So small were they when he first hatched.
“My Prince, I am not your father.”
Meleanor and Levan, surely, they would laugh at his predicament.
But the Senate-
If the Senate found out, he would be barred from seeing Malleus.
He would never be able to see him again.
“But pa-”
“No.”
Lilia forced his voice to steady through the bitter gravel and yearning in his throat.
Every teardrop causing a fissure in his heart.
“I am just Lilia to you. I’ll only ever be your caretaker.”
Lilia straightens up, trying to ignore the shaking form of his princeling. Resisting taking him into his arms and soothing him as he had done many times before.
“Have a good sleep, My Prince.”
Lilia tries to ignore the sobs from behind.
“Papa come back!” Malleus wailed.
Lilia closed the door behind him.
Breaths coming out shallow, body heavy with grief.
Tears gather while teeth grit.
I’m sorry, my s—Malleus.
Lilia walks down the dark hallways, trudging forth.
Fragments of his heart left behind with each step he takes in tandem with the echoing sobs heightened by stone walls.
“Papa! Please! Don’t leave me!”
…yeah, I teared up a bit while writing this 😭💔 at least I didn’t kill off malleus this time…I’m sorry.
Do you ever think about how Malleus might have called Lilia “papa” or any other fatherly term when he was young as all children do? To the parents they love?
(Under the cut because I have a lot of thoughts and feels)
Do you ever think about how Lilia would have been so happy to have been called that by him? But he couldn’t? Not only because of the memories of Meleanor and Levan (in fact, I think they would laugh at the situation and tell Malleus to do it more if they were alive just for Lilia’s reactions lol), but because of the Senate?
Because the Senate would never approve. And if Malleus called him such a loving term, they would ban Lilia from visiting even the few times he could or snuck into the castle for Malleus.
Even if you take into consideration of Lilia hiding the circumstance of Malleus’ birth so he doesn’t feel guilty, do you ever wonder why? Or what led to it? The senate already tampered with history and how Malleus was born and they tried to control Malleus even now (they didn’t like him coming to NRC, all the guards he had, Malleus having to sneak away, etc)
I can see them isolating Malleus from Lilia if he ever uttered such a term in front of them. Then, Malleus would have no one left but his grandmother who he rarely sees as is.
Do you ever think about how Malleus tried to call Lilia a fatherly term but he couldn’t. Whether because Lilia said it, someone else did, or he stopped himself?
And how that yearning affected them both? Hurt them? In this case, how if Lilia stopped him, Malleus never tries again?
Not only because of the rejection, but because he doesn’t want to lose Lilia? He doesn’t want to be alone again? How Malleus is more polite and subdued the next time Lilia comes?
And Lilia knows? But this is how it has to be? Despite his bleeding heart? And the pain he caused them both? Because at least this way, he can still visit? Do you ever wonder if this is why Lilia tried even harder for the treaty? For Malleus to have freedom?
And…do you ever wonder Malleus’ reaction to Silver calling Lilia “toto” and then later “father”? Ever wonder, if this is the reason why “Malleus was jealous of an acorn bracelet”? Because Malleus couldn’t do, give, or say to Lilia what he always wanted?
Ever think about how this could be why he refers to Silver as “Lilia’s son” or Silver being a child but never himself? How he buries his feelings even now hearing “caretaker” versus “father”? Because of such situations in the past or what led to it?
Because I do, and damnit, I’m crying thinking about it. 😭😔
Also little storytelling bits I like to add as an emphasis:
“Malleus -> My Prince”
To add that little bit of extra angst, that bit of boundary placed and rejection. 😔😭 OTL
How even speaking the words “my son” mentally might cause him to slip, and yet, he still calls him Malleus and not My Prince.
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I didn’t want to have to address this again here but please stop associating Neil Gaiman with Dead Boy Detectives.
Neil Gaiman doesn’t own the copyright or trademarks to Dead Boy Detectives. The IP (intellectual property) was back-shelved from Neil in the early 2000s up until when DC Comics wanted to expand on them (because Neil didn't) so DC Comics hired new writers and create their own series for them starting with Ed Brubaker and Bryan Talbot. All copyright that Neil owns is public knowledge and listed here on the US Goverment Copyright and also shared above.
Neil Gaiman owns SANDMAN. Dead Boy Detectives appeared in ONE ISSUE. Neil owns the Sandman comics. Every time you see his name attached is because they included DEATH and DESPAIR to make a connection to SANDMAN. This was Netflix wanting to attach it to Sandman. The show originally set to air on Max had no attachment to Sandman.
Associating that man with the comics or show now is giving him credit for something he DID NOT CREATE.
Toby Litt and Mark Buckingham created Crystal Palace (who are also the reason why Litty and Kingman are named after them in the show! because it ties into THEIR comics!) 2013-2014 ordered a full comic series written by Toby Litt and Mark Buckingham.
Steve Yockey created Niko, The Cat King, Esther, Monty ect. All of whom are original characters for Dead Boy Detectives The Show. They are all original characters that appear no where else in the comics or story
STEVE YOCKEY OWNS THE IP RIGHTS TO DEAD BOY DETECTIVES NOW. Yes, as in Charles Rowland and Edwin Payne are Steve Yockey’s Dead Boy Detectives. Steve works for Warner Brothers and copyright is under them. Not Netflix, Not Neil. WARNER BROTHERS.
They are Steve's characters, no one else’s. Zack Ogle (Dead Boy Detectives writer) has confirmed this on Twitter, US copyright law has confirms this, Neil himself has also confirmed this.
Netflix canceling the show has nothing to do with Neil. They could easily state that in the articles as they have with other shows who have issues regarding him. There is absolutely ZERO correlation between the two.
Dead Boy Detectives had viewership Netflix didn’t like; that’s it. Netflix's horrific streaming model values only hit shows only and #1’s on their chart are the only thing that matter to them. Baby Reindeer blocked them from getting their #1 and Netflix only cares about that.
Netflix also doesn't care about who they employe. They have been working for years with Dave Chappelle, Steve Blackman and others. Netflix’s CEO Ted Sarandos has defended transphobia from Dave Chappelle and hid details of what was happening on the set of The Umbrella Academy about Steve Blackman's abuse from the public for years.
Dead Boy Detectives was unjustly and unfairly taken from us because Netflix only cares about what hits #1 and could care less about what happens to the cast, crew and writers of the show.
By continuously attaching that man's name to the show you are discrediting the actors, writers and creators of Dead Boy Detectives who deserve the praise for the show and comics they have created for the last 22 years.
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I think that in this scene, Till is just feeling pure euphoria and adrenaline. Finally, being able to almost taste freedom. Experiencing a rush of seeing something so new and cool and open.
That is until the reality of the situation comes crashing down on him, and in turn, he lets go of ivans hand, the previous joy completely gone. He knows it's too late to go back to how it was moments before .. knows that whatever choice he makes has already had its impact.
Hastedly, he has to make the choice between two very life altering decisions .. although I think subconsciously he knew what he would do, but I digress .....
Go back to the place that has the person who he holds most dear to him, the person who gives him a reason to live. The place that he has also unfortunately been accustomed to? Or wrecklessly escape with Ivan and live a life that potentially has so much more to offer, something that sounds like a mere fantasy.
Regardless, Till makes his choice. To go back. To stick with what he knows. The more "grounding" option. He couldn't leave Mizi, his hope, behind like that.
In one last fleeting moment, he desperately looks to Ivan, guilt written on his face. Maybe a last goodbye, an expression to convey to Ivan that he cares and that he's sorry for leaving. A dire attempt for Ivan to understand.
All of which goes unnoticed before Till has to turn back before it's too late and someone notices them missing.
So he goes. Horrifyingly enough, he sees Ivan there the next day. I imagine that his guilt only continues to grow each time Ivan interacts with him like nothing happened.
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