#those dirty allosexuals

[cliveguy]

Someone really said this on a post about gay panic 😬😬

[privateolives]

This moment from my playthrough keeps coming up with friends, so why don't I share the time I accidentally did Aymeric so dirty with my outfit choice for the dinner scene.

So for those of you not aware, my WoL is supposed to be a sweet Thanalan country boy type. Think desert Clark Kent-vibes man but from the burning cliffsides of Thanalan instead of Kansas. And I play a paladin besides, so of course my mildmannered Lambard went through most of Heavensward looking like this:

Covered head beard to toe in steel.

But of course, when Aymeric finally invites you do dinner, that won't do. Showing up in armor would just be impolite! So I pull my ff14 bestie in for an emergency glam sesh trying to figure out what a traditional thanalan lad might wear to a fancy occasion. We end up putting this together, which I was quite pleased with!

Straight Oughtta Ul'dah looking outfit. Looks good right? It's fancy! It's traditional! It's in-character! It's just perfect.

Bit chilly for the road there, so we figure he would have used the supplied Ishgardian coat on the way there. (I didn't get a screencap of that in time sorry)

So I slam the glam on just before the cutscene and go in happily unaware of what I'm about to do to this poor catholic boy and he greets us in a similar coat to what we got... as indoor wear. Which really should have been our first warning of what was to come.

Anyway, we come in and if you, unlike myself, are a nice, observant allosexual, you might already spot the problem.

Because as it turns out, Lambard's beautiful Ul'dahn coat has one major issue when being sat at this type of dinner table.

That being that between the coat and the table, there is now a perfectly triangular window towards the BIGGEST, FATTEST pair of sword-swinging steel-carrying hobby-mining sun-kissed pair of tits to ever grace the frozen lands of Ishgard.

Keep in mind that our poor Aymeric hasn't been lord speaker for long at this point, he's yet to leave Coerthas completely (as far as we know) on any diplomatic missions. He was recently still the knight-commander, polite son of the Pope, from the isolated lands of French Warrior Catholicism, who's grown up and only ever seen tall spindly Elezen people, wearing 50 layers in -oof° degrees celsius weather all day every day every month whole year.

EDIT: It had, in fact, only been 5 years of -WillToLive° outside, thank you @maeljade

And now he's sitting at a private dinner, doomed to look at THIS

for several hours whilst his elderly butler, last remnants of family he has, hovers about the whole time serving that appears to be unseemly amounts of wine

And I took

SEVERAL

HOURS

after the cutscene to realize what I'd done to this poor man.

... Though in my defence, my ace ass was busy laughing my head off at the reaction they give your WoL to the butler mixing you a cocktail.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey, I have a question, it's a little bit about asexual-allosexual allyship but also about intracommunity conversations more generally. there is a dynamic i have noticed where sometimes an asexual person will imply or state outright that sex is dirty/frivolous/an imposition on them personally and thus not something they should have to think about at pride/universially socially lauded and in response a bunch of allosexual queer people will say "no it isn't/shut up/what do you think i'm proud of/queer sexuality and all but a very narrow band of women's sexuality has been everything from stigmatized to policed by the legal system you are a conservative in a queer hat and i hate you." it feels like these conversations are generally unproductive and leave asexual people feeling isolated and rejected and allosexual people feeling like the asexual people who hold these views are an actual threat. i think, in brief, that asexual people are not the problem- way more powerful groups think sex and gay sex in particular is frivolous and dirty, this is not even remotely a majority asexual opinion, etc. but i do also think those views are not fun to deal with in queer spaces, it comes up enough that i think it's not just a few dumb kids, and this pov is easily co-opted by terfs and other bad faith actors, so i think it's worth addressing when it comes up. do you have an opinion on a good way to say "hey your feelings about sex being everywhere and mandatory are valid but the kind of sex that are acceptable is actually quite narrow and contradictory and in much the same way you've been made to feel broken and wrong for not wanting to have it other queer people have been made to feel broken and wrong & in many times and places been literally criminalized for wanting the wrong kind of sex. celebrating sex and sexual desire is important to many queer people and that's valid?" i have tried saying that and it has never gone well for me.

have you tried like. hanging out with cooler ace people.

[txttletale]

It has always bothered me that a lot of asexual people will refer to gay people who are not ace in any way as ‘dirty allosexuals’. As if gay people haven’t been historically seen as dirty, unclean sexual deviants. How can you ever begin to approach a desire for inclusion in a community you are actively bigoted towards? Hm!

i mean those people 100% exist but it's not like homophobia is a uniquely asexual phenomenon or uniquely prevalent among asexuals. sure it's important to call out this rhetoric when it happens but it shouldn't be overstated -- all of the asexual people i know personally are very cool and pro faggots and faggotry 100 years

[heartless-aro]

To HIV+ AlloAros:

A lot of alloaros on here have talked a lot about how they face a lot of stigma for wanting to be sexually active while lacking romantic feelings, and how people often stereotype them as uncaring, promiscuous, careless, or irresponsible. I was thinking about this, and it reminded me of some of the sentiments that I’ve heard directed towards people who are HIV+. As such, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge HIV+ alloaros.

To all those allosexual aromantics out there living with HIV, just wanted to say that you are wonderful. You don’t deserve to be stereotyped as reckless or careless or promiscuous or irresponsible, whether you contracted HIV from your first and only sexual partner, from your 30th sexual partner, from IV drug use, or by any other means. You are not wrong or bad or dirty if you have had and enjoyed sex outside of a romantic relationship, even if you are someone who contracted HIV through casual sex. You aren’t “perpetuating stereotypes” (either of alloaro people or HIV+ people) by existing as an HIV+ alloaro. Your sexual feelings are beautiful and natural, and you should never feel ashamed of yourself for having them. You add rich and meaningful perspectives and experiences to the LGBTQ+ community, and we are lucky to have you as part of this community.

I hope that ART works well for you and enables you to live a long, happy life, and enjoy a healthy and active sex life (should you so choose). If you choose to have a zucchini, foveo, FWB, spouse, romantic partner, soft romo partner, or any other sort of partner (or partners!) I hope that they are accepting of your HIV status and that they are able to take PrEP (if needed) with minimal side effects. If sexual intimacy is something that you want, I hope that you and your partner(s) have sex that makes you feel beautiful and sexy and desirable and happy.

I hope that you are able to have children if you so choose, and that your friends and family are accepting of your HIV status.

If you have any symptoms, I hope that they are manageable and that you’re able to continue enjoying the things that make you happy. If you’re struggling with medical trauma due to your HIV treatment experiences, I hope someday you’re able to feel safe seeking medical help again. If you struggle with addiction and contracted HIV due to drug use, then I hope addiction and/or mental health recovery go well for you, should you choose to seek it out.

I hope you’re having a wonderful day, and I hope you have a wonderful life.

(For anyone who has read this far, I’ve added a link below to a list of HIV/AIDS research and relief organizations. Consider donating to one of them if you can!)

[chisecco]

What's the difference between asexual and aromantic?

Can either of those orientations be attracted to a person?

asexual referes to a lack or complete absence of sexual attraction (eg. thinking someone is hot or sexy), though it is also used to describe a lack or absence of attraction in general

aromantic refers to a lack or complete absence of romantic attraction (eg. being in love with someone)

asexual and aromantic people can date regardless if they use the split attraction model (basically it's the divide between -sexual and -romantic attraction) or not.

ace and aro people who choose to date others may do so under the premise of a queerplatonic relationship (basically its this neat thing that goes beyond friendship and/or romance like a "would you marry and raise children with your best friend" sort of thing)

asexual people may experience romantic attraction and aromantic people may experience sexual attraction, neither of these things makes any of the groups dirty, especially being aromantic and allosexual (alloaro).

as such asexual people can have sex (lack of attraction =/= sex repulsed) and aromantic people can date (lack of attraction =/= romance repulsed). even asexual aromantic (aroace) people can choose to have sex and/or date if they want to

i simplified as best as i could! however if you choose to delve into asexual and aromantic communities (esp aromantic communities) there is a lot of cool analyses about our identities and how we experience attraction which may solve other questions you could have

cheers!

[romancerepulsed]

i feel like a lot of people aren't understanding that the problem isn't sex repulsion– it's sex negativity, and it's being an asshole. when you're publicly posting to really broad tags like aromantic, asexual, aspec, etc. your posts are reaching an audience of people with incredibly varied identities and experiences. you're reaching aroallos, sex favorable aces, loveless people who experience sexual attraction, and countless others who have been shamed for their sexuality their whole lives. you posting about sex being gross isn't singlehandedly upholding the system of sex negativity, obviously, but it's doing something. your posts, especially when you tag them so broadly, don't exist in a vacuum. saying that sex is gross or dirty or something that makes someone less civilized or intelligent is sex negative and it's simply just judgemental as fuck. sex repulsed aces, you have a right to be frustrated, really. and as much as i'd wish you would change your perspective if you truly think sex is gross, it doesn't matter what you think so long as you're respectful around people who could be hurt by voicing that disgust. i'm romance repulsed (obviously) but my complaints about romance never come with personal or moral judgement. at most i'll say "i don't want to see it" or "it's annoying" or "i don't understand it". because i know how much romance means to other people, including other aspecs, and there's no reason for me to be disrespectful of that.

really, that's what it comes down to. when you complain about sex, are you doing it with respect for sex favorable aces and allosexuals? are you wording it in a way that doesn't undermine the importance of sex to those people?

essentially:

[guyonrye]

Ahh sorry if it's too personal to ask, but could you please describe how you feel as a sex favourable ace and how it's different from being allosexual? I'm genuinely so confused where I fall, and all of the microlabels feel so wrong to me.. it's between these two and there are really few people describing their experience as a sex positive ace ://

Of course, I'm happy to answer! For me, sex physically feels nice. I don't prefer it to solo pleasure, but I recognize that for me, it feels nice to have sex with my partner, especially because I know how much they like it/crave it as an allosexual person. The key difference between being sex favorable and allo, however, is that I am not sexually attracted to my partner. I think they're pretty, but I have never looked at them and felt horny from it, nor have I ever felt the urge to have sex with them. In fact, I've never looked at anyone and felt horny, had dirty thoughts, or found myself wanting to see them naked.

Sex is nice, but I could easily live without it, and despite sex feeling nice, I do not crave it with anyone nor find myself fantasizing about anyone. I don't look at people (even my partner) and find myself thinking that I want sex with them, or feeling horny because of how they look. Essentially, I enjoy the physical sensation of sex and enjoy making my partner feel good, but nobody's looks arouse me or make me want sex with them.

I hope that helps! Just incase it doesn't, you can imagine it as a metaphor;

some people see a donut and have the desire to eat it because the donut looks nice, which made them hungry. these people are allos. some people see a donut and decide to eat it because donuts taste nice, even though the look of the donut didn't make them hungry, they just find the taste nice. those people are sex favorable aces.

[gamebird]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Favorite five fics I have written:

Shattered Salvation - over a million words. NBC Heroes. A love poem of Petlar and Petrellicest. Polyamory. Saving the world. Saving each other. Heroes and villains and enough time for side characters to have a moment, but the through-line was always Peter and Sylar. This was originally posted on FFN in sections, and then I accidentally deleted it from AO3 after it had been there for a few years. So there used to be more kudos and comments on it, lost to my mistake.

Grey Order - Only 573k words. Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, TROS doesn't exist. I especially like the Poe/Hux stuff and their balance of asexual with allosexual. This story grew organically on its own, starting off as a series of Force visions between Rey and Kylo set after TLJ. But it went other places and I love the places it went, eventually finding a path to lasting peace for the galaxy, and for the troubled souls in it.

Unification - 167k words. Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, TROS doesn't exist here either. This is my most self-indulgent fic. It was the one where I said, 'You know what? Fuck all the rules of writing I've been adhering to. I'm going to switch POVs every chapter. I'm going to indulge in plot-unnecessary world-building. I'm going to have three separate romances. I'm going to create a dozen original characters and have them all be interesting!' So I did. I had a great time writing it and a lot of people enjoyed reading it.

Services Rendered - 15k words. Star Wars Sequel Trilogy. TROS doesn't exist. This is explicit Kylux with a heavy dose of Knights of Ren and a whole lot of gang-bang orgy action with a sweet, non-monogamous ending. It is my highest bookmarked fic and second highest by hits. It's not my best work as a writer, IMO, but I find it hilarious that out of all the stuff I've written, this is the one that has the most accolades.

Dirty Talk - 634 words. My sole Star Trek fic. What I like about it mostly is how I wrote it. I was chatting with a friend on LJ, got inspired, and banged it out over a couple minutes as a gift to my conversational partner. Who was amazed that I'd just written that. Right then. Between one post and the next. I found the response deeply flattering, so whenever I look at that story I remember that.

I know there's nothing on here about the Murderbot Diaries or The Old Guard. I've had cancer and health issues coinciding with my involvement in those fandoms, and it's only been recently that I think my writing has recovered. My favorites of Murderbot are the Skulk series and Gurathin's Side of the Story.

Other writers I'd like to tag: @morby , @rosewind2007 , @gauzyfruitcake , @darkswanone , @blessphemy .

[binders-and-beanies]

Drag queen who does political activism pov. You go to your government representatives’ meetings and they call you a sodomite degenerate and then you go to an lgbt center and they call you a dirty allosexual. Your reps call for a ban on drag in public spaces and then local trans groups call for a ban on men in “queer spaces.” Your local newspaper releases an article calling you and your friends sick queer groomers and then your “allies” call you queer twice as many times in a row.

Christian protestors tell you your sexual practices and identity are sins that require repentance and self restraint, and then those supposedly speaking in support highlight the A+ part of LGBTQIA+ as being the most marginalized while the rest of us hold some kind of privilege over them. You look your government representatives in the face and tell them why you deserve basic human rights and then your “community”, who’s never had to feel that kind of anxiety, tells you why you don’t.

[plaguespoken]

i rly need ppl to examine how they talk abt us "dirty allosexuals" please. it's not fair to treat us like we're stupid, obsessed with sex, or disgusting - in fact, a lot of it veers into extremely homophobic and/or misogynistic comments

also you're demonizing hypersexual ppl by demonizing the need for not only sex, but also masturbation. you aren't cool or smart or smth just because you're making fun of someone that has sex or masturbates multiple times a day when they're not hurting anyone

all you're doing is perpetuating purity culture mindset and hurting those who escaped and gay people and just. anyone who decides that sex is okay and fine and should be celebrated and enjoyed fully by people who want it

[takaraphoenix]

I got three alerts about this comment on a fic of mine - two for edits - but when I wanted to reply, it was already deleted. Don’t know why, maybe the person chickened out of wanting a public answer attached to their name, so I left out the username. But the two edits made me think they did genuinely wonder, so I wanted to answer and hope this post reaches them!

First of all that’s three different questions wrapped in one; them - the characters in this fic specifically - the generalization of “an asexual person” and the personalization of what my thoughts, as the author, are.

1. Could they cuddle naked together. Could they take baths together. Could they sleep nude?

The fic at hand is A Drop of Sunlight, a Shadowhunters fic about canon ace character Raphael Santiago and Jace Herondale. Raphael, as of his canon characterization, has been shown to be sex repulsed. We don’t know the exact extend to his own sex repulsion though.

Personally, I think that he wouldn’t mind bathing together and sleeping in the nude, as long as the boundaries are set clear. An accidental boner can always happen, but what’s important is that his partner doesn’t push.

2. Would an asexual person be okay if he popped a boner and just cuddled.

Now, here’s the thing why I really wanted to answer this comment even though you decided to delete it after all - asexuality is a wide spectrum. Not everyone experiences it the same way. Not everyone is sex-repulsed.

Raphael is a character portrayed as sex-repulsed, which means that he is not interested in engaging in sexual acts at all.

But asexuality itself simply means the lack of sexual attraction.

There are asexuals who don’t mind, or are even very enthusiastic, about engaging in sexual acts for a variety of reason that have nothing to do with being sexually attracted to their partner (-> enjoying that they bring pleasure to their partner, enjoying the orgasm, seeing it as relief/exercise, etc.).

And there is a wide range between that repulsion and that enthusiasm, from not even enjoying kisses and sex, to liking kissing but not sex, to not minding mutual hand-stuff, to flat out sharing sexual activities like any allosexual couple (but that does not make them asexual, because, as mentioned above, asexuality is about the lack of sexual attraction, not the lack of sexual activity).

So, there is no one answer to whether an asexual person would mind if their partner popped a boner while cuddling. A very sex-repulsed person might prefer some physical distance until their partner has calmed down again, while a very sex-enthused person might be down to do the dirty and help out with that, with everything in between being a possibility too.

3. Wondering what your thoughts on this would be?

If you were wondering about my thoughts in regards to the characters, or to the asexual people in general, I answered those in 1 and 2, or if this was meant as a more personal inquiry toward my own experience, I personally do identify as sex-repulsed and I love writing about Raphael Santiago because I identify with him a lot and like to project that onto him. But that’s the extend of oversharing I’ll do on that matter ;)

[static-void]

I've been mulling over this for the past couple days trying to find a way to say it that doesn't come off aggressively to me but like. although I am very much allosexual. My approach to that is going to be vastly different due to. the aromanticism. & that's the part that's hard to word around, particularly if I'm not careful, bc I tend to open out with trying to make it abundantly clear, & then I feel like I'm being scolding about it.

but it is important to me, since it's a point of discomfort when I see certain things - obviously society expects a certain level of sexuality, but it also has to be the right kind, and i don't. Uh. The way I approach & feel about it does not fall under those rules, so while the "allosexual" bit Seems bog-standard on paper, the instant "aromantic" gets tacked on it starts breaking SOP and becoming insidious and dirty and bad. do you see what I'm getting at here

& I don't want to get much into the nitty-gritty of it since I don't want to cross any lines, but even if I were otherwise completely vanilla-oriented (which. I'm not,) it still wouldn't be enough to be "good". Due To The Aromanticism.

so in as blunt but also delicate a way as I can muster. I am perhaps a little weary of discussions where people find ways to frame sex (movie sex discourse primarily bc I saw a post the other day) as disgusting or unwanted. Or like it has to serve some sort of Intimate Beloved Purpose. personal discomfort does not always reflect moral values and all that but also. Goddamn it gets lonely in here sometimes. there needs to be discussions about representation and whatnot but it's Rough when it tends to come with people framing sex & sexuality as Inherently Disgusting and Immoral.

And I don't even have the good grace to pretend it's for ~romantic infatuation~ or whatever.

[aarix]

'I can have a little terminally online queerdom discourse as a treat' godddd ur so right I get so much internal rage when ppls take away from bi/pan shit is just 'infighting is bad' yeah! ik! so is the incredible biphobia exuding from the continued existence on pansexuality i shouldnt have to accept people who think im a transphobic slut just tryna get male attention just bc THEY cant read lmaooo

☝☝☝

[fuffy2002moved]

heres the allosexual pride flag i came up with heres what the colors mean:
pink - sex
dark pink- love
peach - passion
yellow - peace
this was meant as a joke but here you go

[ihateliterature]

I find it really interesting how acephobes will talk non-stop about how asexuals are anti-sex and support purity culture and shame other queer people for being sexual but then will lose their collective shit when they hear about how a lot of asexuals do indeed have sex for a multitude of reasons, including but not being limited to genuinely enjoying it

they will also lose it when they see an asexual they are attracted to

this kinda proves that asexuals are more of an idea rather than actual people in their minds, a simple stereotype they can attach everything they don't like to and when they see real life people that contradict these stereotypes they go berserk

suddenly having sex just for a hell of it is evil, having sex with someone you are not attracted to is inherently abusive, jokingly flirting with someone is leading them on, dressing in sexy clothes is exploiting yourself, enjoying porn and erotica is dirty and disgusting so on and so forth

yes, those are all things I've heard ppl say to asexuals that have openly talked about their relationship to sex in any capacity for the sake of jokes or education

that is not to say that anti-sex asexuals that slutshame ppl don't exist, unfortunately they do. but that is not even nearly the majority, that is the stereotype

dealing with those ppl is our responsibility, the other aces in the community. we are the ones that should be talking to them, explain concepts they don't understand and help soothe the fear and trauma caused by living in a hypersexual society as a sex averse individual. this is definitely not something bad faith allosexuals with half baked opinions should try to contribute to in any measure. they are not helping, actually they are making it worse

let me reiterate, sex positive aces and sexually active aces are much needed and loved members of the community. they are not in any way less asexual and the only ppl that can even think this are idiots who know jack shit about us