#though in completely different ways but like. characters dying is. I mean I will accept it for the tragedy but then you gotta deal with the | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hikariale · 3 months

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college has taken up the bulk of my time, so i don't know when or if i will ever write this fic idea in full, but the idea has been spinning in my head for a long time... it's written in a longform, train-of-thought, imagines way, but it got longer than expected!

mostly platonic liu kang and reader with some liutana and kitana x reader under the cut

Being friendly rivals with Liu Kang. You both want to see the other succeed, but you also compete to each other's betterment. Liu Kang may be the "Chosen One," but you won't allow yourself to be overlooked! It's not like you want to take his title, no, no, no! You want to prove to everybody, including him, that the idea of a "chosen one" is stupid. An idea that stemmed from observing him and realising how isolated he was because he was "chosen" by gods, you've taken it upon yourself to prove that burdens need not fall onto the shoulders of an exceptional, talented few. He always has his plate full, so why not steal something off of it. If you can't flip the table, you can at least make the meal more digestible. You hate to see a person forced to bite off more than they can chew, and Kung Lao is a good companion, but you get the feeling that the chip on his shoulder has put you on different trajectories when it comes to competing with Liu Kang.

Perhaps it is because of an upbringing that severely alienated him from his peers, but you realised early on that Liu Kang struggled to pursue relationships. Sincere as he is with others, he is more than content for others to approach him than the other way around. A little withdrawn and always somewhat preoccupied, the Chosen One is like a firefly. You have to catch it in your hands to halt it, but it rarely chooses to land on its own.

That's why, when Kitana entered the picture, you knew he was likely to doom himself.

You couldn't speak for him, but the Edenian princess blew you away at first sight. Though he didn't admit it, you knew she had the same affect on him. As easy as it would be to leave him to his in the dust before he realises that there's a race, you declare yourself his love rival and wait for him to make the first move as a courtesy. Regardless of how things turn out, you both promise to bow out and support the one who earns her affections.

It does hurt when Liu Kang, against what you always thought of him, catches Kitana's affections by a landslide. As unexpected as it is, you can at least commend him- and hey, he deserves that little bit of personal happiness with all the other things he deals with. And it's clear that Liu Kang can tell you're upset, but you're proud of him for not backing down or expressing remorse for your bruised heart.

At least it isn't as humiliating as you thought it might be. Liu Kang is a good person. He's considerate after the fact and gives the topic of romance a wide breadth when spending time with you. Things are mostly normal. Sure, the odd intrusive thought about the couple enters your head and sours your mood, but you just need time to move on. Maybe in a while, you'll find a new love. Maybe you'll commit to celibacy, or maybe something completely left field will happen. Though things would have normally gone like that, the strange, universe bending entity by the name of Kronika erases the future and all of its possibilities. In its place, she presents a bleak future where your loved ones are warmongers, and your only choice is to accept that you don't get a future at all.

As Charon's ships prepare to dock, Liu Kang tells you that you should tie up loose ends. You know what he means, and though it almost feels like an insult to have a newly born god tell you to fruitlessly profess your feelings for his partner, you know that he means well. You understand that this is probably the end even if the idea of dying hasn't crossed your mind. That intuition clears your mind and allows you to shed your inhibitions.

"I can see why Liu Kang holds you in such high regard. You have admirable character."

That was the only thing that stood out from Kitana's response. It didn't hurt as much as you thought it would. Being let down so gracefully by a woman of her standing is pretty much an honour. And the end is near. And you got to say your piece without committing any transgressions. So that's that, as far as you are concerned. You make sure to tell Liu Kang that much while standing at the entrance of Kronika's keep. The last exchange you have with Kitana is a quick glance while Liu Kang destroys the door. She catches it out of the corner of her eye, and though she doesn't turn towards you, she acknowledges you with an affirming nod.

When deciding how to craft the New Era, Liu Kang briefly considered making Kitana your destiny, and you hers. Earnestly wishing for your happiness in the next life, he thought of giving you everything that he was not afforded for his own love. Just as he began to spin that thread of fate, your defiant words rang in his ears.

"You shouldn't let the gods have that much say over you. If you say no, I'll be right there with you to back you up! Gods aren't the ones who have to suffer the consequences anyways."

Your judgement of the gods was a little off the mark, but the wholehearted belief in mortal agency struck Liu Kang's core. If you knew what he originally planned, he was sure you would complain about it, so he erased the sketch and started over.

In the New Era, you kept that attitude. Raiden didn't have the right personality to engage with your challenges. It made Liu Kang a little happy to know that, though he filled his old role with Raiden, you two didn't have the same bond. Of course, you weren't Liu Kang's rival this time. The ambivalent, borderline suspicious attitude you gave the God of Fire would have stung more if he wasn't expecting it.

During the banquet, your seat was up next to his. You poke at your food and watch Johnny flirt with the younger Edenian princess. The icy expression on your face makes Liu Kang thankful that he never tried courting Kitana in your presence during the previous era.

"It is not like you to be daunted by something like that," he breaks you out of your ruminations with subtle encouragement. Your shock transforms into mild agitation. As you consider telling him not to meddle in things he has no business in, he smiles, somewhat slyly, and says, "You are not the kind of person who leaves things unchallenged."

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #kitana x reader #liutana #liu kang #mk1 #mk11 #ahhh alternatively.... kitana has two hands. but this idea and storyline is fun to explore #this is messy messy messy but i wanted to get it out of my head and put the idea out there #i dont know when i'll write a proper longform real fic though. i took two writing-heavy classes and two science lecture-lab courses...#this semester i'm even more busy busy busy HAHA

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elvenbeard · 9 months

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2067

"My childhood, let’s see… Nights spent lookin’ for a star - any star… All dimmed by city lights. Silent lullabies sung by the flickering neon signs of Charter Hill…"

Born into Night City's corporate world to upper middle class managers Marcella and Kousuke Ezaki, Vince lived a very comfortable and sheltered life growing up. Nice corporate apartment in Charter Hill's bustling Grant Avenue, excellent education, always the newest clothes, the fanciest tech, the best cyberware money can buy from a young age on.

It was almost too comfortable and sheltered really. With what they had invested in him and his future, his parents demanded perfection and performance - and obedience. While Vince was eager to deliver at first, being naturally ambitious, it always felt like something was wrong, something was missing... He just never quite fit in, despite trying his hardest.

Vince's father died when he was 13 - by suicide in the company bathroom, or so it seemed at the time. The pressure had gotten too much for him to bear and he saw no other way out; that had been the official explanation. The supposed truth though, which Vince would uncover many years later, was more complex and even darker than that.

On top of it, Vince's parents had never led the happiest marriage, worn down by stress and growing disagreements. It started over smaller issues: which car to buy, when to go on holiday, which school was best for their child. But soon they fought daily, constantly, about everything... And Vince fled into the arms of kids his age and older that never had the best intentions with him, but lured him in with a sense of belonging somewhere finally.

After his father's death, Vince's mother grew increasingly paranoid and controlling - her focus shifted from her husband to her child, whom she did not want to lose as well. Simultaneously though, she refused to accept that Vince had become his own person and would never be who and what she'd wanted him to be. The harder she tried to hold on to him, do her bidding, obey, the further she ended up pushing him away...

Vince through the years (1/9)

Little BTS rambles below the cut here!

Remember these? XD Yeah, I'm finally getting around to doing my "Vince through the years" project I teased a couple months ago. I finally decided on a format! xD I wanted something diary-entry like, but not too long and complex, otherwise I could probably sink months into this, do some cool lorebook-like graphics and whatnot...

I might still do that in the future, revamp some shots, or maybe one day make a character page or something in a more complex graphic style... but for now I just really wanna share some lore actually 👀 And get these shots published before they go bad!! (read as: before I don't like them anymore cause I'm getting better with my VP XD)

Also, a little comparison - vanilla vs edited shot:

Aging him down around 10 years was hard, but also fun XD I did this a while ago and meanwhile I might do some stuff different, but I'll leave them as is now xD But yeah, I tried some other complexions first that look younger than his 2077 one, but they made him look like a completely different person, so I went with the Photoshopping approach instead. Does he look like a pre-T teenager? Eh. If you squint XD But I'll take it!

Back then he already loved his massive coats that made him look bigger and wider than he really is. Hair dyed blond mostly because both his parents have dark hair, for that good old teenage rebelliousness and self-expression <3

I kinda implied it in the text but... yeah his parents were both pretty messed up. They did see him more like an investment than a kid most of the time. It was in the end damaging to all three of them, but most to Vince, leading to him becoming a little fucked up as well.

And when I say "investment" I literally mean, they invested money into making him as flawless as possible. Got him cyberoptics and whatnot installed as a 5-year-old to combat genetic eye-problems running in their families (when glasses couldve done the trick), things like that. His mother had planned some more things for as soon as he would finish school, but he ran away from home before that.

Before that already he went on to destroy all these perfect things they tried to achive with his body, got stick-and-poke tattoos, pierced his own ear, found a semi-shady Ripper who would install him a cyberdeck *he* wanted, not the one his mother got him, etc etc. XD

He spent a lot of time with the wrong pepole, too, but the connection to them at least helped him realize that he's trans - obviously one more thing that his mother did not plan for with her "perfect child" and tries to first ignore then actively shut down as best as she can. This is a hate-post for Vince's mom <3

What really happened to his dad is gonna follow in a post to come ooooor maybe I'll leave it a secret until I finished writing his background story fic 👀

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk v #corpo v #male v cyberpunk #cyberpunk vp #cp2077 #cp2077 vp #cp2077 v #vincent ezaki #my vp #vince through the years #not gonna stick to male v monday or anything just post these whenever I have one ready

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rollercoasterofshitposts · 1 year

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AHEM. Spoilers below for Harry Potter book 7 and Artemis Fowl book 8. You have been warned.

Another little warning: This is going to be a bit ramble-y. If someone can put this into words better than I can, please do. I may come back and fix this later, but, knowing me… that’s not likely.

I figured out why the Main Character Death tm thing works for Artemis but not for Harry.

Let’s review the similarities between these two, first.

They both know ahead of time that they are getting into something that has a 99.999% chance of killing them.

They both died as a direct result of something The Big Bad did.

They both came back to life as a direct result of something Big Smart Genius Person did.

They both feel that they have no other choice.

(Before we really get into this, I would like to note that I am using both the HP books and movies for this. Since the author worked so closely with the movies, I feel that they are still a viable source of HP lore. I will not, however, be using the AF movie. It is a piece of hot dumpster garbage and I will not be swayed on that.)

So. Why does this Main Character Death tm thing work for Artemis, but not Harry?

For Harry, I always felt that the sacrifice fell flat. He wakes up on the very next page in that weird afterlife-spirity realm with Dumbledore. We KNOW that Wizard Afterlife exists by this. Dumbledore himself confirms it, or at least attempts to. (“Of course it’s all happening in your head, Harry, but why does that mean it’s not real?” yada yada yada) Harry will end up there if he dies. Also, what does he stand to lose by dying? Sure, he loses Ron, Hermione, and all of his friends, but he gains his family back. Even though the Resurrection Stone was likely a sham, we can see by Harry’s reaction that he is genuinely looking forward to seeing James and Lily and Sirius and Remus again.

There are no stakes. Harry wakes back up in the Forbidden Forest, secure in the knowledge that he is going to win. And, frankly, the author (may she rest in peace) set us up for a BIG win. If you’ve been paying attention for the last seven books, you know that Harry’s got this in the bag. It’s obvious from the first chapter. He beats Voldemort as a baby. Why should he NOT survive the Killing Curse a second time?

The other part of Harry’s story that is different from Artemis’s is that he has the knowledge that he is 100% walking into a death trap. He even says (at least in the movie) “I am ready to die”. This is his purpose. He’s fulfilling his last act as The Boy Who Lived. His story is complete, or it would have been had he actually died. The world would truly have been better off with Harry dead, and Harry would have been better for it.

In fact, all of Hogwarts believes he is dead. Neville’s rousing speech in the movie is proof of that.

The reason this works for Artemis is that there are still stakes in play. Harry waltzes up to Voldy and basically puts his own head on the chopping block, knowing that it will give the good guys the win they need. We as readers know that he is probably going to live, based on what we know about Harry and the author’s penchant for not killing off Really Important Characters. AND even if he dies, he returns to his family. It’s honestly his best-case scenario at this point.

There are no stakes for Harry.

Artemis, however, still has stakes. He’s just barely gotten to live a normal life with his parents and brothers. He has formed a good friendship with Holly and Butler, and he still has so much left to do. (We see this in Atlantis Complex. He has the knowledge, resources, and genius to straight-up fix global warming.) The world would be worse off without Artemis Fowl.

And then he dies.

What’s worse is that he has hope.

Harry walks in thinking there’s no way he can walk away from the Killing Curse a second time. He has accepted his death, putting no failsafes in place just in case he may have the option to come back. Artemis walks in thinking that his human DNA could overpower the tiny bit of fairy DNA. He has hope. It’s a slim hope, but he has it. He puts failsafes in place, just in case something does go horribly wrong, in the form of a kiss on Holly’s forehead and keeping the chrysalis operational, as well as a living will. He has accepted the fact that he certainly could die, but he says it himself, “I always thought there would be time for goodbyes.” He’s not ready.

After he seals that will, he thinks, “No going back now.” If anything, he feels trapped in his fate, while Harry accepts his. Directly after that, he nearly throws up. He’s scared as hell. There is, of course, the matter of Artemis’s reaction to Opal’s death: “All this time. All this strife and nobody wins. What a tragedy.” Again, acknowledging the stakes.

He didn’t know what would happen after he put Nopal’s hand in the white handprint. All he knew was that he may die from it, but he didn’t want to. (Yes, he tells Butler not to grab the defibrillator, but Artemis Fowl knows more about magic than most fairies do. He knows he’s screwed. Knowing you’re going to die is not the same as accepting it). There are still stakes in play. He is completely unsure of what he is doing, maybe for the first time in his life.

The other huge difference is that Artemis could still fail. Opal could open the second gate. Harry knows his goal and he knows Voldemort is arrogant enough to go through with killing him. Voldemort is predictable. Opal is… less so.

Finally, Artemis does actually die. There is a six-month period where he is straight-up dead. His parents mourn him. There’s a frickin’ funeral. (Harry has no such period. We know he’s going to come back relatively quickly after he “dies”.)

And yet, his most loyal friend, the man who was like a father to him, doesn’t believe it. Butler doesn’t attend the funeral and he truly believes that Artemis Fowl will come back.

It takes Holly six months to even give Butler that hope, and yet he still clings to nothing. I would wager that Holly believed the same. (e.g. “Yes, well, the barely conceivable is Artemis Fowl’s specialty.) She’s more evidence-driven, however, which makes sense considering she a. got that evidence about a week later and b. kept it to herself and Foaly until she knew they had something to work with. (It was also illegal, to be fair.)

Artemis Fowl was not ready to die, AND there were still stakes in play— and that made his death all the more poignant.

#artemis fowl #the last guardian #harry potter #deathly hallows #holly short #voldemort #domovoi butler #hero dies trope

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larrikin-is-a-himbo · 1 year

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My thoughts on Russian Doll: Rewatch Edition [Part 1]

I had forgotten how unexpected and jumpscare-y the first time Nadia dies is.

RUTH MY DARLING. HOW I MISSED YOU.

I could be at the best party of my life, surrounded by the people I love and who love me, and yet I would spiral into a sadness dissociation. Nadia is just like me fr. (I know the trauma was very recent but you get what I'm saying)

I love that homeless guy so much you don't understand. I don't care about the ex though.

Nadia, why are you sitting in such a vulnerable position when you've already died once?

It's actually so much interesting to see the people around Nadia slowly lose their sentience as the universe continues collapsing their reality. A great example of it is Maxine. You can see how much this timeloop affects everyone, best through her. There's subtle changes (maybe this needs a post of its own)

Love that she still thinks it's the drugs and not just the misfortune of being the victims of universe's educating spree.

I think something worse than dying again and again is dying in the same way multiple times. These goddam stairs.

Imagine being Maxine and your friend is just acting full on CRAZY crazy.

Giving new meaning to "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to"

Going to the Rabbi. I think I would start going to priests/pandits/any other terminology used for them, if I was going this insane as well. I can't figure out if she's Jewish me or not though. As much as I can remember from my first watch, she's not. (I don't want to repeat the part.)

My favourite thing about Nadia, as a protagonist, is that she's not a saint, she's not likeable all the time. She has a lot of fuck ups, even if she's suffering at the whims of the universe. Normally, female characters aren't allowed to be raw and messy and human is such manner. Really shows you the difference in a show made by a woman and a show made by a man.

MY MAN IS HERE. Boy, you have a lot of loser energy but I love that so come here, baby.

"Like, if you weren't paying me, I never would've spoken to you" Wow. That wasn't even said to me and it stung so bad.

He has this deep sadness in him. An aching to keep his life in control, to be understood, to keep things as they are. It's an impossible thing to do, to accept that you can't avoid change.

"You fucked the gingerbread man?!" "Don't call him that." "YOU CALL HIM THAT." BAHAHAHA

Love the way Nadia finds Alan's name. Just based on the fact that he's uptight and way too routine oriented.

I HAD FORGOTTEN THE DOUCHEBAG NADIA MEETS ON THE FIRST NIGHT WAS THE GINGERBREAD MAN.

Death by electrocution. Jesus fucking Christ. That's horrible.

YES, MY BOY. Go completely unhinged. [<- Just threw his stuff like a normal person instead of rearranging it like a serial killer]

"Okay, check it out. I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me I'm a bad person. Nobody did it because I fucking rule, so... there goes your theory." This is going to be my mindset for the rest of my life. Impostor syndrome who?

I love the little details since Ep1 of how this loop is affecting the real world. The people disappearing, the food rotting, the animals disappearing.

Going the route of making the main male and female characters a Weirdo duo >>>>>>>>>>

"I don't know who the fuck you are, I don't know what's going on here, but either you two suck each other's dicks or get the fuck out of my apartment." MAXINE THE QUEEN YOU ARE.

WHEN NADIA DIES BY RUTH'S HANDS IS THE SADDEST ONE SO FAR. I HATE IT SO MUCH.

"Nobody chooses me. I'm the hole where a choice should be." This hurt me. Hit too close to home.

The way Nadia is slowly being consumed by the grief of this reality of hers. Seeing John have his heartbroken again and again. It's just. Your grief just doesn't affect you, it affects everyone, it consumes everything around you. (I wish I could articulate my thoughts and feelings better. I struggle to even form coherent sentences these days)

"You created an impossible game with a single character who has to solve everything entirely on her own. That's stupid." "Watch and learn, baby face." This is what we call foreshadowing.

"I can fuck you better than Mike" My boy you need to be awake first.

It's about community and love and connections. And how we as social beings need other people to survive and thrive and be safe. In every way, the physical, emotional, we need people. We cannot be loners. That's not a viable way of living. The moral of the story is let others help you, believe that the world is a better place because you're in it.

Not just that but a sub plot (the building block to the major plot in S2) that no matter how much you suppress your inner child, no matter how much you try to forget them, they're still within you. You cannot take care of your present self or improve things for your future self until you acknowledge the child.

It's just, how beautifully it is shown the importance of human connection, loving and caring for others, why it is the utmost responsibility as humans to keep each other safe and well. Humans didn't come all this way without that love and compassion, and this recent trend of hyper-individuality has really fucked us over.

#Wish I was better at articulating how I feel and how something made me feel but I grew up in a hosue where we never talk about what's wro-#-ng but bottle everything up. be passive aggressive. and wait for all the bottled emotions to explode so bad. the people around-#experience the sting of our words so bad it's like carrying a shrapnel in your chest #Anyways #Russian Doll #Russian Doll Season 1 #Nadia #Nadia Vulvokov #Alan Zaveri #Ruth Brenner #Maxine #Lizzy #John Reyes #Jae rewatches

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ailendolin · 2 years

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one trait of thomas' i adore that they've been very consistent with is how much he wants to Help alison.. ghost!thomas and alive!thomas seem to approach love & romance very differently (a lack of respecting boundaries vs care and consideration... 200 years of "i was a fool who died alone and unloved" will do that to ya, i guess). it's nice to see areas where i feel they would have been very much the same thomas, if that makes sense? like in s1e6, when he tells alison he'll help her find money by whatever means and tries to write a(n awful) novel, or s2e1 where he wishes he could just do something to help her but he doesnt have any ghostly powers, or s3e3 when he tells her that he would help her but he physically cant, wanting to help her with making the bed in s4e6 and doing his best to empathise with her stresses even though he doesn't really understand what she's saying.. i dont know, it's something theyve been super consistent about with his character and i just think it's nice :)

Oh I completely agree, anon. It's something I've noticed too - that Thomas very genuinely seems to want to help and regret that he can't. We’ve seen moments like this in every series now which is wonderful because I think they’re glimpses at Thomas’s true character. The fact that they all revolve around Alison might make it seem like it’s just another way of his to try to get her to fall in love with him but I don’t believe that’s the case. The duel, when you really break it down, has been about Thomas trying to help someone he cares about too. He didn’t challenge the officer to make Isabelle change her mind and fall in love with him – he did it because he truly believed it was the right thing to do.

And I think it’s the same with Alison. There’s no ulterior motive to his actions – just the genuine want to help (and maybe also a desperate need to be useful and feel valued through that). It’s like he forgets for a moment that he’s supposed to be in love with her. We see this in other moments as well, for example in 4x01 when he rants to Alison about the Plague Ghosts. It’s only at the very end that he seems to remember who exactly he’s talking to and ends his monologue with one of his typical compliments. He’s also a lot calmer and quieter after he’s gone “cold turkey” in 4x02. I think a lot of us hoped that he would stay that way but the truth is You stay how you die and in Thomas’s case, I guess that means pretending to be someone he’s not (him trying to appear brave during the duel) and desperately searching for companionship (him dying alone and unloved).

Which makes me think that what Thomas needs to move on is not love (as he probably believes) but acceptance – for others to accept him the way he is, bad poetry and all, and also for himself to accept that he's not as good a poet as he'd like to be. And that that’s okay, that his work doesn’t reflect upon him as a person and makes him unworthy of love and attention.

In short, I think he needs an Annie of his own - a friend who is genuinely happy to spend time with him, who likes him for who he is, not who he'd like to be, and makes him feel accepted and, through that, loved for the first time in his very long existence.

#sorry this got sort of off-track anon #but I agree it's really nice that the Six Idiots have been consistent with little character traits like this throughout the series #thomas thorne #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #mp bbc ghosts

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sunder-the-gold · 1 year

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Personally, I kinda hope Penny comes back. I mean, it probably won’t considering that it would probably go against the themes of the show and Penny’s death did have a sort of finality to it. Even taking all that into account I’m still holding out hope, however slim, that she comes back.

I share these feelings, and we're not alone.

I agree, Penny's death seems pretty final. Even if her father could scrape together the resources to build her a new body and take out another chunk of his Aura/Soul to spark it to life, her original memory core was destroyed and her new body had nothing of the sort.

I find it frustrating that CRWBY seemed to set up a Chekov's Gun that will never be fired, like how it seems we'll never see what happens when use the Aura Transfer Device to attempt to move a Maiden's mantle into someone else. I thought CRWBY was setting Pietro up to die sacrificially for his daughter, or perhaps for Winter to make the sacrifice on behalf of her only friend.

Still, Penny cheated death once already through valid loopholes such as "my body isn't the least bit human, so as long as my brain remained intact, I was essentially just in a coma rather than dead."

We never did learn what Ambrosius made Penny into. She wasn't mechanical anymore, but her old body scanning her new body gave us a confusing view. It seemed to use her thermal scan, and if so it got back an inhuman reading.

Alternatively, it use an Aura Scan, and we have no idea what that should look like. Her new body certainly seemed human, and she reacted like she felt sensations differently as with human skin, and she leaked red blood when wounded. And the Maiden mantle certainly treated her as though she died.

But whatever her new body was, it fell into the same strange world as Jaune and Team RWBY. Death might not operate the same way in that world.

So, could the writers cheat her death again without violating the themes and stakes of the work? They could, potentially.

Would they?

Pietro ultimately isn't very important as a character. The story can still move on even if learning of Penny's death destroys him. The writers can even give him a new Slide Into Darkness Story as he loses his grip on reality and tries to bring Penny back even if he only ends up killing himself to make a completely new gynoid girl who only looks like Penny.

Winter already said her goodbyes to Penny, and she can recover and serve the needs of the story without Penny coming back.

The only character who might possibly need Penny to cheat death again is Ruby Rose.

Completely ignoring notions of romance, Ruby Rose risked a LOT to save Penny. She turned the entire world on its head to try to save Penny from dying. Ruby would have risked Atlas City anyway, for the sake of saving Mantle, but for her Penny was pretty inextricable from Mantle.

When Ruby learns that Penny died anyway (and that Cinder escaped with both the Lamp and the Staff), the victory she achieved in saving as many Atlesians as possible is going to feel like a total defeat. She's going to feel that achieving anything good is impossible.

If Ruby was ever going to suffer a mental break and give into despair and hatred, Volume 9 is that time.

I don't think there's really anything that Wonderland can reveal to her that could change her mind. They can't learn a secret or find a weapon to circumvent Salem's immortality. I doubt they'll find a better weapon against the Grimm than Ruby's own Silver Eyes.

At most, I think they'll find the God of Animals, who might reveal the true origins of the faunus, and possibly explain more about why the God of Creation refused Salem's request to bring Ozma back from the dead. Which would be very appropriate for reinforcing the show's themes about accepting death and moving on with life.

And maybe that's enough for Ruby.

If that wasn't enough for Ruby... if she could only pick herself up and keep going because Penny cheated death a second time because of loopholes that don't apply to anyone else in their world or in real life... wouldn't that just undermine the message?

Could Ruby ever convince Salem to accept death if Ruby herself couldn't accept death?

How could Salem begin to take Ruby seriously if her "Ozma" came back from death twice?

#ask #rwby #penny polendina #ruby rose #rwby character analysis #rwby plot analysis #rwby meta analysis #unindexed

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boffeeceans · 2 years

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Dreams of Dying Fill Your Head

Summary: “Steve?” Max’s voice sounds panicked and shaky on the other side of the line, breathing heavy. It makes his heart sting.

“Max, what happened? Are you okay?”

She takes a deep shuddering breath before she speaks, “I’m fine.” Another breath that sounds more like a gasp this time. “It- It’s Eddie.”

Or,

Eddie seems to be doing fine after the Upside Down, but is he? Is he really? I don't think so.

Tags/Warnings: Trauma, PTSD, Anxiety/Panic Attack, (Emotional) Hurt/Comfort, Eddie Lives, POV Steve Harrington, Not intended to be pre-slash steddie but can be read as such if you so wish.

Characters: Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Max Mayfield (Mostly Eddie and Steve)

Word count: 5k

Notes: I looked up the difference between panic and anxiety attacks, it made me confused and gave me a headache. I'm pretty sure that where I'm from we use one word for both and it's panic attack so that's what I used in here. Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you enjoy!

Read on Ao3

Surprisingly, Eddie seems to be doing fine after almost getting mauled to death by a hoard of demobats. His name got cleared (which doesn’t mean that everyone thinks he’s innocent), he went back to school, graduated and got to flip Principal Higgings the bird. He’s still his usual loud and dramatic self, he still listens to his music way too loud at ungodly hours of the night to Max’s dismay, and he still hosts weekly DnD nights — technically Steve hosts since it’s at his house, but Eddie set it up.

He rarely leaves the trailer by himself, though, never going further than to the trash can and back. But that doesn’t mean he’s alone. Every morning Max comes over for tea or coffee, sometimes she’ll join him on the old couch outside of his trailer when he’s smoking, drinking or playing his guitar. They don’t always talk, more often than not they just sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company, basking in the knowledge that they’re not alone, that they’re not the only one that went through hell and back.

Whenever Eddie needs to be somewhere, be it the arcade, the store, anywhere really, Steve will drive him. Most of the time Steve has to offer and Eddie will reluctantly accept, but not before declining a bunch. This one time when Steve dropped him off at his trailer Eddie expressed that he feels guilty about how the other is always driving him — especially for the DnD meetings, for which Steve has to go from his house to the trailer and back twice. It took Steve a lot of reassuring and telling him that he really doesn’t mind for Eddie to stop refusing his rides and reluctantly accept right off the bat.

Nancy helped him study for his exams. Jonathan and Argyle — who is visiting for the summer — occasionally come over to get high. Robin will show up with a shitload of movies she wants to watch and pester Steve into picking Eddie up on his break so that they could spend some time together, he’ll complain but he’s more than happy to do it. The kids call all the time and visit for whatever reason they can think of, big or small.

Eddie isn’t alone and he seems to be doing fine.

However, the bags under his eyes are a stark contrast against his paler than usual skin, he covers almost every inch of his body with clothing ever since he got discharged from the hospital, even though it’s summer, and sometimes he’ll completely zone out and stare off into the distance. For the last few days Eddie hasn’t left his trailer at all, saying he has a cold. He still answers the phone and opens the door, and sure he looks and sounds a little worse for wear. He still smiles and laughs, and Steve can’t be one hundred percent sure on account of him not really knowing Eddie before, but it looks genuine.

But still, something doesn’t sit right with Steve. He doesn’t want to push him though, doesn’t want to force him to open up and talk to him.

Steve presses his palms into his eyes and slides further down the couch. Eddie’s smart, he’ll reach out if he needs to. Besides, Steve’s not his fucking mother.

Steve glances at the clock, 10:57. It’s going to be a long night, he can feel it, one filled with lying awake in the deafening silence of the empty house. With a sigh Steve pulls himself off the couch and paces around, there’s got to be something he can do.

11:09; Cleaning? No, the house is clean.

11:16; Reading? Fuck no.

11:27; Drinking? Yeah, Steve could use a drink.

Walking to the kitchen — less walking and more sliding across the floor — he takes a beer out of the fridge. He barely gets his nails under the tab when the phone rings. It’s tempting to just ignore it, but it could be one of the kids, waking up from a nightmare, or just needing someone to talk to, or maybe just to check in. To ask if he’s doing okay… Steve scoffs to himself, they call him mom for a reason. Mothers offer emotional support to their kids, they don’t ask for it.

Placing the can on the counter, Steve makes his way over to the phone and holds it to his ear.

“Harring-” He doesn’t get to finish.

“Steve?” Max’s voice sounds panicked and shaky on the other side of the line, breathing heavy. It makes his heart sting.

“Max, what happened? Are you okay?”

She takes a deep shuddering breath before she speaks, “I’m fine.” Another breath that sounds more like a gasp this time. “It- It’s Eddie.”

A pit opens up in Steve’s stomach. He knew something was wrong, he should’ve followed his gut and done something, anything. If he did Max wouldn’t have had to hear the sound of glass breaking and Eddie’s screaming and yelling. She wouldn’t have had to see him lying on the floor.

“I don’t think he’s moving.” The pit grows bigger and bigger with every word. “Steve, I… I’m scared.”

“I’ll be right there,” Steve says, “I just need you to try to stay calm, all right?” He’s telling her as much as he’s telling himself.

After an “okay” from Max he hangs up and dashes out the door, almost forgetting his shoes and keys.

The entire way Steve has to reassure himself that Eddie is probably fine. Maybe he just fell, it makes sense since he’s not as steady on his feet anymore after the Upside Down. He probably refused to use his cane and then his leg gave out, he cursed to himself and now he’s just laying on the floor contemplating all his life's decisions, which is a normal thing to do, Steve should know.

Eddie is fine.

When he pulls up to the Munson trailer the first thing he sees is Max sitting on the steps. She gets up as soon as she notices him and waits for him to park and get out of his car. There’s a panicked expression on her face; her eyes are blown wide, brows knit together, and she’s worrying her bottom lip.

Steve exits his car while the vehicle is still partly moving and speed walks to max on the porch. Before he even has a chance to ask if anything has changed she shakes her head. He places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes, trying to comfort her even if it’s just a little and glances over to the window. The curtain is mostly closed but there’s a small gap that he can see through. And sure enough there’s Eddie, on the floor in the hall, seemingly unmoving.

But he’s breathing.

Steve tells Max as much and he can feel some tension leave her shoulder under his hand. He moves past Max and to the door, trying the handle.

“I told you it’s locked,” Max says, her voice just a bit more steady than it was over the phone. “We could break a window.”

Steve glances over his shoulder, seeing Max already looking for something solid. “No need,” he says and takes a key out of his pocket. Thank whatever higher power there is or isn’t for Wayne Munson.

As he pushes the key through the keyhole, Steve realizes how much he’s shaking, how scared he is. Realizes that he’s grown to care for Eddie a whole fucking lot, just as much as he cares for Robin, and he really needs him to be okay.

He takes a deep breath before twisting the key and walking inside, Max following close behind him. Now, without a wall separating them, Steve can hear just how hard Eddie’s breathing — breathing isn’t the right word, he’s hyperventilating — and Steve is honestly surprised that they couldn’t hear him outside.

Eddie has his back turned to Steve and Max, he’s curled in on himself, shaking as sobs wreck through his body, nothing but a towel hanging on for dear life around his hips.

Steve slowly takes a few steps towards him. “Eddie? It’s Steve,” he says to let his presence known. Eddie doesn’t respond. “Eddie?” Steve tries again. Nothing. Taking a few more steps he keeps trying to get Eddie’s attention, every attempt is fruitless and it’s really stressing Steve out. One quick look at Max shows that she, too, is getting more and more anxious by the second.

As careful as he can, Steve steps over Eddie and crouches down. For the first time Steve gets a look at the damage that the Demobats have left behind and it’s not pretty. He didn’t exactly get a good look in the Upside Down and thought that their scars would be more similar with the exception of the ones on Eddie’s face.

But it’s so much worse than he thought it was. They’re everywhere; on his legs, arms, all the way from his waist to his chest, and from his neck to his face — though he can’t see much of Eddie’s face at the moment because of that mop that he calls hair covering most of it.

Steve feels stupid for thinking that it wasn’t that bad, especially because of those weeks Eddie spent in the hospital recovering and for the fact that he can’t walk more than ten minutes without a cane.

But he can feel stupid later. Right now Steve has to help Eddie through what he’s assuming is a panic attack, and a bad one at that.

Eddie’s clawing at his throat and chest, gasping for air and so very much not fucking fine .

“Hey, Eddie?” Steve reaches out and moves some of Eddie’s damp hair from his face. Even at the contact Eddie doesn’t acknowledge Steve’s presence, he just stares into nothingness, eyes somehow even wider than usual, frantic. “Eddie, I need you to look at me.” Sill noting which is really fucking unfortunate because Steve’s heart is pounding in his chest and the corners of his eyes are starting to sting and before long he might be gasping for air right along with Eddie and he needs to pull it the fuck together, because if he doesn’t where will that leave Max?

Max who moved out of sight, probably not being able to watch because they’ve only seen Eddie close to this vulnerable once and he nearly died then.

Steve takes a short moment to breathe and think. He needs Eddie to look at him, and that’s not going to happen with him lying on the floor like that. He places his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Eddie, I don’t know if you can even hear me right now, but I… I’m gonna move you, okay?” He’s not expecting an answer and doesn’t get one. With one hand under Eddie’s armpit and the other under his elbow Steve pulls him into a sitting position.

And that gets a reaction out of him. Eddie’s tear filled eyes shoot up to Steve’s and one of his hands grabs him by the collar of his shirt. “Hey, it’s me, it’s Steve,” Steve says and God does this situation feel familiar, it almost makes him laugh. Almost.

Eddie’s eyes wander, acknowledging Steve’s presence but not really looking at him. Miraculously his breathing becomes more erratic and tears spill like an avalanche as more sobs crawl and fight their way out of his throat. “Can’t- I-” Eddie chokes out, he moves his hand from Steve's collar and back to his throat. It’s covered in blood and still bleeding and Seve feels even more stupid for not noticing before.

“I know, I know,” Steve says and brings his hands to cup Eddie’s face, fingers brushing over the scar on his cheek. Eddie jerks his head away from the touch, desperately trying to get more distance between them. Steve doesn’t relent though, he tightens his grip and forces Eddie to face him.

There’s this terrified look in his eyes as he glances to the side like… like he’s hearing something, but as far as Steve knows the only sound is Eddie’s own breathing. And God if that doesn’t scare Steve. it can’t be him . He’s dead. Steve saw him die.

“Eddie.” Steve leans into his line of sight. “Eddie, I need you to look at me, all right?”

Eddie’s eyes dart between Steve and the distance before landing on the floor between them. He squeezes his eyes shut and curls his fingers around his neck, nails digging into skin.

“Please, Eddie,” Steve says, his voice much less steady than he wishes it to be. “You’re safe, okay? You’re safe.”

Eddie doesn’t show any signs of calming down but he does look at Steve, actually looks at him not through him.

“I just- I need you to breathe for me, can you do that?” Steve says. Eddie scrunches his face but nods either way. Grabbing Eddie’s hand, Steve moves it from his throat to his chest. “Focus on your chest, the rising and falling,” Steve says, “and take a deep breath in.”

Steve demonstrates, taking in a deep breath through his nose and Eddie mimics him. Or tries to. Halfway through Eddie chokes, slumping forward, hacking up cough after cough and all Steve can think is shit. Shit, shit, shit . He runs his hand over Eddie’s back, whispering what he hopes are soothing words.

Eddie's spine is way too prominent under his palm. Steve shakes off the thought, he can give Eddie a lecture about reaching out later — give himself one, too, for being so Goddamn blind, — and thinks of anything that could possibly calm Eddie down.

There is one thing. It could be counterproductive, could make Eddie feel trapped, caged in, but that’s a risk Steve’s willing to take because he’s running out of options.

When Eddie’s coughing slows down Steve moves from a hunching to a sitting position and slides across the floor, maneuvering himself behind Eddie. He presses his chest flush against Eddie’s back and crosses his arms in front of the other man, placing his hands on his shoulders. He squeezes, hard, and Eddie gasps. He brings his hand up to Steve’s forearms and sure his nails are digging into Steve’s skin, and sure it hurts, but Steve really doesn’t give a shit because Eddie’s getting air.

He’s still breathing heavily, he’s still shaking and crying, but through his sobs he manages to say, “I don’t wanna die.”

And fuck that breaks Steve’s heart. “You’re not gonna die, Eds,” he says, his own words coming out slurred and he sighs a sigh that turns into a strangled sob. And another one. And another one, the dam that the little beavers worked so hard on, now broken by an angry and scared river flows down his cheeks, onto Eddie’s shoulder, into his hair. He’s shaking and he hiccups but he doesn’t stop talking. “You’re safe,” he says, “I’m here, you’re okay.”

Eddie manages to catch his breath and they sit there, two slobbering messes holding on to each other. After a little while Max approaches them, she places something on the floor and a third slobbering mess gets added to the mix.

Under any other circumstances Steve would find this really fucking weird; if a year ago somone would’ve have told that he’d be in this situation — ending up in a pile of tears with Eddie Munson and Max Mayfield — he would’ve called them delusional. But right now Steve’s just glad that Max called him and that he could be there for Eddie.

Eddie taps Steve on his arm and when Steve lets him go he shuffles over to the other side of the hall, leaning his head against the wall. He wipes at his face and sniffs a few times, Steve does the same, so does Max.

“How are you feeling?” Steve asks.

Eddie chuckles dryly. “Other than completely and utterly humiliated? Peachy.”

Max grabs a glass of water from the floor — which must be what she placed down in the first place — and moves over to Eddie. “You scared the shit out of me,” she says and playfully punches him in the shoulder before handing him the water.

Ruffling her hair he says, “I’m sorry, Red.” He takes the water from her, downs the drink in a few quick gulps, and hands the empty glass back to her. “Thanks.”

A silence falls over them like a crushing weight. They should talk about it and Steve knows that Eddie knows that Steve thinks that they should talk about it. But his eyes drift from Steve to Max and to Steve. Not right now is what they’re saying, Steve nods — and if you blinked you would’ve missed it — but they are going to talk about it, as soon as Steve can get Eddie alone.

Eddie clears his throat before he speaks again, “I uh, should probably get dressed.” And yeah, he should. The towel around his waist might be one hell of a determined one but it’s still just a towel. He moves to get up, falls back on his ass, winces, and mumbles a curse under his breath. Steve is at his side in a matter of seconds and helps Eddie off the floor. It doesn’t go unnoticed to Steve how easy it is, how light Eddie is compared to when he had to carry him out of the Upside Down.

Steve shoves the thought to the back of his head with all the other concerts he has for Eddie and helps him to his bedroom. Eddie sits on the edge of his bed while Steve retrieves some clothes for him from his dresser; underwear, a pair of sweats, and a long sleeved and short sleeved shirt. Steve hopes Eddie will choose the short sleeved one since it’s way too warm for anything with long sleeves, but he knows Eddie probably won’t.

He holds the clothes out for Eddie and in a last minute decision he adds, “For your modesty, dude.”

He takes the items from Steve’s hand and the sides of Eddie’s mouth quirk up, just for a second, but the amusement doesn’t leave his eyes. Steve leaves it at that and exits Eddie’s bedroom, closing the door behind him.

In front of him is Max, looking into the bathroom. It’s not a pretty sight. The mirror above the sink is shattered, broken shards in the sink, and it’s all covered in blood. Steve sighs and walks in, he opens the sink cabinet and takes out a first-aid kit. Handing it to Max, he says, “Can you take care of his hand when he comes out?”

She nods with a little “Sure” and makes her way to the living room. Steve takes in the sight again and it almost looks like something you’d see at an art show. He can see the anger, fear and grief in the shards. Anger at what happened. Fear of it happening again. Grief for the person Eddie once was, the person he’ll never be again.

Steve walks to the kitchen and comes back with the trash can. Maybe not as careful as he should be, picks the shards up and throws them in the can. Halfway through he hears Eddie’s bedroom door open and click of his cane hitting the floor as he walks. Eddie hesitates for a second as he passes Steve, throws him an apologetic look, and keeps going.

Not right now Steve tells himself and continues with the cleanup , listening to the conversation in the living room.

“Sit,” Max says.

“Right away, ma’am.”

He can hear Eddie plop down on the couch and Max open the kit, he can hear some shuffling, Eddie wincing and an “Ow!”

“God, you’re more of a baby than Lucas.”

“Hey, I’m not a baby.”

“Then stop whining like one.”

“Keep treating me like that and I won’t play Kate Bush for you ever again.”

Max scoffs, “It’s not like you’ll be playing much of anything for awhile, you sprained your wrist.”

After a beat of silence comes a defeated “Fuck” from Eddie.

Steve finishes up and by the time he returns Eddie’s hand and wrist are bandaged, he’s standing by the open door, his hair almost covering his neck and face like a scarf, wearing both shirts Steve picked out for him, and smoking a joint. Eddie looks over to him and holds out the joint, And why the hell not, Steve thinks, he could certainly use it. After putting the trash can back in its place Steve joins him.

Eddie passes the joint to Steve and says, “You know you don’t have to stay, right?”

“Like hell I’m leaving,” Steve says at the same time Max says, “We’re staying.”

Eddie throws his hands up. “All right, Jesus.”

They pass the joint back and forth until it’s burned out. A silence falls over them again, not as heavy as the one in the hall but still very present. That is until Eddie’s stomach growls. Steve looks at him, Eddie looks away, He looks at Max and asks, “Pizza?”

“Yes, Please.”

So, Steve orders pizza, Eddie gets two beers and a Coke out of the fridge and rummages through VHS tapes.

“The Breakfast Club or Footloose?”

Max chooses The Breakfast Club, Steve chooses Footloose, Eddie puts on Footloose surprising them both — the fact that he even has that movie was surprising enough. They settle in on the couch, Eddie in the middle with his feet kicked up onto the coffee table, they eat, they watch the movie, Steve and Max make a silent agreement to pretend not to notice when Eddie mouths along with the songs and even some of the dialogue. And before long they all fall asleep.

~*~

Steve’s the first one to wake up, his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder, and even though his back and neck ache, Steve hasn’t slept this well in a while. Not one nightmare, no waking up in the middle of the night just because his body told him to, and god did he miss that.

Max is curled up on her side, her head resting on Eddie’s lap, his hand on her head, his other arm’s laid out on the backrest behind Steve. Eddie looks peaceful, smiling in his sleep and Steve can’t help the tug at the corner of his mouth at the sight.

Trying not to wake them up, Steve gets off the couch and heads for the kitchen to make coffee. And not because he needs it to wake up, no, because he wants it.

When the coffee’s almost done brewing Max wakes up and in turn tiring Eddie.

“How’d you two sleep?” Steve asks.

“Good,” Max says with a smile and takes a seat at one of the stools at the kitchen counter.

Eddie follows behind her, stretching, and takes the seat next to her. “I can’t feel my ass,” he says, “But that was the best sleep I’ve had… Ever.” There’s a flash of a smile before it falls again.

Steve pours them the coffee while Max and Eddie have a back and forth argument about his numb butt — Eddie blamed it on Max because her head is too heavy and cut off circulation, Max countered with what else she could cut off and Steve zoned out after that.

It’s nice, Steve thinks, they way they all look well rested, the banter, and if he could stay in this moment forever, pretending that last night never happened, he would.

But he can’t.

After a while Max jumps up. “Shit,” she says, “I’m gonna be late”

“Where could you possibly have to be this early?” Eddie asks. Not that it’s that early, it’s past 10 AM.

“Lucas said he has a “surprise” for me.”

Max goes for the door and Eddie quirks a brow. “Be careful.”

“I don’t need your protection talk again, Eddie,” Max says over her shoulder.

“It’s important!” he yells after her as she slams the door behind her.

“Protection talk, huh?” Steve says and takes a sip of his coffee, “Very dad of you.”

Eddie scoffs, “Yeah, All right, mom ,” he says and Steve rolls his eyes. “Lucas is a 15 year old boy, don’t you remember being 15?”

He does, he remembers all too well and Eddie has a point.

“Besides, Dustin told me about the 100 out of 10 on the disgusting scale thing Erica found under Lucas’ bed.” They both make a face, knowing exactly what that thing is. “So yeah, protection talk…”

Steve doesn’t want to think about how the kids are teens now, about how teens have things and do things and is he going to have to have talks with them and- and he needs to change the subject. Eddie might not like it and it’ll ruin the light hearted mood, but Max is gone and it’s time.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

Eddie doesn’t look at him at first, instead opting on staring into his empty mug, biting his lip. But he does look, eventually, a smile on his face. “Don’t worry you pretty little head about me, Stevie. I’ll be fine.”

And, fuck, because no, his smile is so fake and his lies are so clear . “Maybe, eventually, but right now you’re not and it’s becoming clearer and clearer that you haven’t been for a while, Eddie.” His words come out harsher than intended and Eddie tears his eyes away from him.

“You got enough people to worry about.” Eddie gets off the stool and goes back to the living room, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off the coffee table. “I don’t need to be one of them, Steve,” he says and sits back down on the couch, lighting one from the pack.

“Eddie-”

“I think you should go.” he says and lights his cigarette, biting back a hush at the uncomfortable angle of his wrist.

“Ed-” Steve moves away from the counter, taking a seat on the table, opposite of Eddie.

“I’m actually still pretty-”

“ Eddie! ” Steve snaps.

“What!” Eddie snaps back. “Huh? What do you want me to say?” he says, eyes flashing up to Steve. Fear, anger, grief. “Do you want me to tell you about how I’m too scared to sleep because everytime I do I can feel those goddamn bats holding me down, choking me, ripping away my flesh?” Tears start flowing down his face. “Do you want to hear that even when I’m awake I can still hear them so clearly and it feels like I’m turning into my mother; paranoid, hearing and believing things that aren’t real?” He’s shaking. “And how I don’t want to end up in Pennhurst just like her, pumped full of drugs, wasting away and eventually die of an aneurysm, all alone.”

Steve places a hand on Eddie's knee. He jerks away from him, rapidly tapping his foot on the floor and takes a long drag of his cigarette.

“Maybe you wanna hear about my visit to my dad in prison, that I told him I almost died, and you know what he said? He said, “They didn’t try hard enough” and what scared me the most is what I thought… “He’s right, they didn’t.” ”

It’s… a lot to take in and Steve bets that there’s a lot more Eddie hasn’t been telling him, any of them. And he almost regrets making Eddie open up, because the weight of the knowledge is crushing him, he doesn’t though. What he does regret is not trying to get Eddie to talk sooner. Steve moves to sit next to him and places a hand on his shoulder, expecting Eddie to shrug it off. He doesn’t.

“Jesus, Eddie,” is all he manages to say.

Eddie shakes his head with a humorless chuckle. “Don’t pity me, Steve.”

“I’m not.” He is, but admitting that will likely just make things worse. “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m always only one phone call away.”

“Christ,” Eddie says, he rests his elbows on his knees, hangs his head low and covers his face with his hands. For a second Steve thinks he’s laughing, but it sounds too wet. Steve rubs circles on his back, hoping it’ll bring some comfort.

“You’ve been through something traumatic, Eddie, You’ll break if you just bottle it all up.”

“You’re one to talk,” Eddie says, voice breaking. “When was the last time you had a nightmare? couldn't breathe? had to turn on every damn light in your house because you've become so damn afraid of the dark?” He turns his head to look at Steve. “When was the last time you reached out to someone because you weren’t okay?”

Eddie’s too observant for Steve’s good. He sees right through him, knows that Steve’s always letting the others talk to him about their troubles and giving them advice that he himself should follow but doesn’t.

“If I reach out,” Eddie says, “promise me you will, too."

Steve nods. He has been carrying weights on his shoulders for so long, the last three years only adding more and he’s breaking. “I promise.”

“Good.” Eddie stumps out his cigarette in the ashtray. “Remember that thunderstorm last week?”

They talk for hours. About the things that scare them, the things that make getting through the day just a little bit easier, but also day to day life. After Wayne comes home and they explain to him why the bathroom mirror is broken they move outside and talk some more. They talk well into the night until Steve has to go home because of an early shift the next morning.

Before Steve can walk off the porch and to his car Eddie grabs him by the arm and pulls him into a hug. His arms wrap tight around Steve, one over his shoulder and the other under his arm. Though Steve is surprised by the sudden gesture he does return it.

“Thank you, I uh…” Eddie mumbles, he pulls back but doesn’t let go. “I needed that.”

Steve smiles, “Yeah, me too,” he says.

And only now does Steve know what it looks like when Eddie is genuinely smiling. In time Eddie will be fine and so will Steve.

29 notes · View notes

rottenbrainstuff · 11 months

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Some more detailed thoughts on the Spiderverse movie as I get ready to see it again on the weekend: (spoilers)

I really did enjoy it, was very happy to see it, it made my heart happy, etc etc etc, but I can’t deny there were also some plot things that straight up made no sense at all to me. This is a bit nitpicky and negative I guess so feel free to scroll past, but I’m not saying it was a bad movie.

But it was hard to process stuff like, how everyone blames Miles for weird shit. The Spot blaming Miles for what happened to him. Hello buddy? Of all the people in this scenario who were responsible, INCLUDING YOURSELF, you choose to blame this one specific child and make a vendetta against him? And the blame put on Miles by Miguel: of all the wonky, non-canon things that have happened to other spider people, which other tumblr users have pointed out, you choose to get so angry at this kid because he’s an anomaly, almost as if he STOLE the spider from a different universe on purpose? Everyone, can you guys stop fucking blaming Miles for everything that isn’t actually his fault????

I am giving the writers the benefit of the doubt, and I am thinking this is supposed to be the question the audience is asking at this point, I am assuming this will all be addressed in the next movie. For instance I mean, with the Spot, I think it’s supposed to be clear that this guy is unhinged and not in his right mind, and it DOESN’T make sense how he’s blaming Miles. With Miguel, I am assuming he is doing a lot of projection because of his own personal issues and guilt. Maybe he’s more frustrated with Miles’ refusal to just listen and do what he’s told. I hope so, anyways. Right now it’s a weird uncomfortable feeling. (Plus why on earth tell Miles about the captain dying at all? If it needed to happen, you could have just very very simply….. not told him a single thing about it, and sent him back home blissfully unaware. And it would play out for Miles exactly the same way it would play out for every other spider person. You also would not be influencing Gwen, who is standing right there listening! If the concern is that, due to his apparently unique anomaly status which I don’t buy for a second, you think Miles might unwittingly mess up the canon event even if he doesn’t know about it… like… what’s the plan here then guys, lock Miles in a bubble forever so that he also won’t mess up any future canon events as well??? What’s the plan here guys?????)

I think the conflict between the ideas of, a hero naturally wants to save everyone, and there are some people a hero can’t save or even SHOULDN’T save, these two ideas both being true and being at painful odds with each other, I think this is very good and very interesting. But I think it’s weird in some places how it’s implemented. I can totally get how there would be some spider people totally supportive of this unfortunate truth, it’s stupid and it sucks but we have to enforce it. PETER B being one of those people though?…. I can get Gwen, even if I think she’s making a mistake. I like how it’s a struggle between this intense loyalty to her new found family as she struggles with her dad and her feelings that it’s not right. I can see her getting swept into this and being on board, I understand her conflict and it’s interesting. Peter B?? Peter B?… that was one of the weirdest things in the movie for me, Peter B sitting there holding his baby and trying to explain to Miles why sometimes you shouldn’t try to stop bad things from happening, Peter B getting mad at Miles when Miles, totally understandably, can’t accept that… what? When? How? Peter B was probably one of my least favourite characters in this new movie just because I hated so much how he was written, how he reacted and what he did.

Going in, I had no idea whatsoever this was not a complete story, and was going to be a cliff hanger leading up to another sequel. I actually yelled in the theatre when the “to be continued” flashed up!

I’m not sure I liked that… I don’t think I’ve watched a movie series like that in a very long time where a movie wasn’t a complete story on its own, and instead had a cliffhanger ending leading up to the next movie. Maybe that’s why Empire Strikes Back has never been a favourite Star Wars movie of mine, even though it seems to be everyone else’s favourite. I just don’t care for a movie like that.

That’s just a personal preference of mine though, and I understand that.

Anyways. I did really really like the movie, I haven’t enjoyed a movie this much in a long time, I’m so happy people are making good movies like this. But I also think there’s some weirdness with the story, which I think/hope will partially be addressed in the next movie, because it made it a bit weird for me. I just wanted to point that out. I think it’s interesting to think about.

#atsv #across the spiderverse #movie nerdery

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manchineel-mistress · 9 months

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Ok so I've been reading a lot of Yugioh Harry Potter crossovers lately. Mainly because they are the whole reason why I even started rewatching Yugioh dm (like I was not about to accept that this damn Harry Potter crossover fic had actually in canon characterization for the Yugioh characters because It Did Not Match Up with my memories from 13 years ago).

Anyway, I think Yugioh and Harry Potter has this great crossover potential because a) everything has good Harry Potter crossover potential and b) their timelines match up. Yuugi is like.... a month and some change older than harry, and that's something you can’t just leave there lying. They can bond!! Over not having normal high school experiences!! And almost dying constantly!! And Destiny!!

But also like would it not be hilarious for Umbridge to get shadow gamed seasson 0 Yami style. I think it would be hilarious, just, she starts seeing everything as pink or seeing the words she writes and/or hears being carved into her skin as her penalty game. I think it would be silly and funny teehee.

Back to the fics, usually they give the gang magic (either going shadow magic route or millennium items gets an upgrade again), but consider. What if. They don't. Yuugi finds himself in Hogwarts and Dumbledore or someone is convinced he can do magic, but he can’t. Poor baby just sits in charms class and tries to levitate a feather, only to be waving a stick and saying nonsense words. No, the person who can actually do magic is Yami, and that's why they got in this situations in the first place, so every time Yuugi needs to preform magic, Yami has to step in and figure out someway to make his half remembered-mostly-instinct-and-completely-different magic do the thing that the teacher wants him to do. Or it could be the route that shadow magic and HP magic are the same, just different branches, and the folks out in ancient Egypt only learned the shadow magic branch. Wouldn’t really help Yami as he tries his damnest to bluff his way through class, but it would be interesting world building wise. Yuugi does all the writing work though, because they’re partners who share th work.

“But Manch,” I can hear the nonexistent voice in my head that might also be you say, “why the hell would the gang be anywhere near the UK?” Well the Fics (tm) usually end up with shadow court or Bakura goes on summer holiday or Dumbledore and Voldemort are eyeing the millennium items. But like, what if Kaiba or someone just hosts a duel monsters contest in London and the gang just get invited for the summer. Then cue deatheaters and then cue the gang getting kidnapped into the wizarding world. Or at least Yuugi. Why did they invite muggle(s) into the wizarding world? Well damn that pendant sure looks useful in this war- wait what do you mean it’s now tied permanently to that boy- goddamnit I wanted to avoid possible kidnapping charge.

Also, I think that the millennium items could definitely just one shot Voldemort. Drag him into the shadow game, he has enough pride to fudge up and end with him yoinked into hell or something. It would be funny.

So yeah, I’ve been thinking too much about YGO HP crossovers, it's been a couple of weeks and I needed to get the Thoughts out. HP crossovers are my guilty pleasure, especially when they are just tearing the HP world apart or are just incredibly silly. Silly crossovers are my favorite.

#yugioh #harry potter #harry potter crossover #yugioh crossover #YGO HP crossover #I'm so sorry that this is my contribution to the fandom #I just have had Thoughts #they plague me #anyway all the fics ive read have been so funny #its been an overall great time #i have too many thoughts about yugioh fanfics i will never write #pls feel free to take my ideas and (non ai) write them #i have other ideas too #i'm just keeping them on the back burner for now

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coolcattime · 1 year

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Some of my thoughts on The Devil in Me because I love the Dark Pictures games and I've had a few days to think since finishing our playthrough (I playthrough these games with my best friend Atlas) and also spent some time looking into alternative routes and things we missed.

These thoughts are gonna contain spoilers but in general, I loved this game. I wish there were more traps and more opportunities for characters to die, but those things didn't reduce our enjoyment of the game.

Firstly, beyond anything, thank God scene select before the game is over is back after being gone in The Quarry (I know The Quarry isn't a Dark Pictures game but obviously they're the same style). We used scene select to reload four scenes throughout the playthrough, which I don't know completely by name but it was the glass wall trap (to save Kate), the roof chase (to save Jamie, then about another 4 time mistakenly thinking Kate was dying when she can't die in this scene), the slaughterhouse scene (to save Charlie, though I thought him dying from falling off the planks was really funny), and the scene with the dog (to save Jamie). Obviously this means we did save everyone, including Connie the dog.

Opinions on the characters:

My favourite Jamie, Atlas' favourite Kate.

Honestly I really liked all the women. Jamie was my personal favourite because I like kinda mean women in horror, that Jamie and Erin's relationship got me very invested in them. I was actually quite surprised Jamie and Erin wasn't in any of the advertising as it happens quite quickly and I was so much more invested in them than Mark and Kate.

I really did like Erin. I really like that she is quite assertive despite how they definitely could have made her quiet. Like she knows what she experiences and isn't willing to be told otherwise. Atlas thinks she should've been in the game more as she's by far the most sympathic character in the group.

Kate grew in me, I thought she might just kind of be the main character(tm), though I did like her helping Mark cross the bridge and her giving Charlie the self help book is such a funny gift to give your boss. Then it started getting into Kate's backstory and God did I like Kate. Her fully accepting and not putting her own death on Jamie in the glass trap was maybe my favourite scene in the game (I also like the reverse scene with Jamie). Atlas thinks that she's one of the best written characters in the series, as they can see how there would be a lot of different ways to interpret her, and that they relate to her a lot.

Charlie I thought was like good, a dick but I think that makes sense with the trope of him being the boss. Atlas thinks that there wasn't really enough time to do the story of Charlie setting everything up, which I definitely agree with.

Mark is my least favourite by far because, well, his character is a bit confused. Like his lesson at the end of the story was apparently to make his own decisions, but I never got that. He was very condescending to both Kate and Erin and I'm honestly not sure why he broke up with Kate but then is staying that a bad job to be with her. Atlas sets that Mark is probably his least favourite character in the series, and that he is "Mike from Until Dawn but bad and not vibey". I think this is made worse by Mark being unable to die until the finales.

For some more general thoughts:

-- This is the first time we've wanted to replay one of the tutorials.

-- I love the concept of a bad ending with a completely different finale scene, I wish it could any two characters rather than just Kate and Mark.

-- I like that not everything is spelled out about DuMet, he's a mysterious slasher killer and while there's enough info to come to a pretty good conclusion, it isn't just outright said and leaves some stuff to theory crafting.

-- I love that the everyone lives ending, it's the two couples getting whatever ending their relationship dictates and then Charlie quitting smoking, just made me chuckle.

#the dark pictures the devil in me #the devil in me #just thoughts #i really liked this game

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aikoiya · 1 year

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Arcane AU - Second Chance Prompt

I kinda wanna see Silco in a second chance sort of story where after getting shot by Jinx, he's confronted by the Aspect of Time.

They show him what is to become of Zaun & Jinx due to his influence.

He sees that while Zaun does gain independence, it also becomes a cesspool of addiction under the Chem-Barons. Though it is better maintained than before, the people are dying as Shimmer mutates them into monsters before killing them.

Not only that, but the mutated wolf monster from Singed's lab is now running around the back alleys killing people. Then it turns out that the Beast is Vander.

All the Chem-Barons care about is running a profit making them no better than the entitled Pilties that they'd scorned.

And without some sort of policing, crime is even more common. Zaunites are dying in droves. New generations aren't being born as a result of the pollution. The population is plunging.

It's then that Silco realizes that if something doesn't change soon, Zaun will die out & become nothing but a rotting, infected wound in the ground.

That Jinx never becomes a well-adjusted or even remotely happy individual. She, in fact, becomes a mass murdering psychopath before being hunted down & killed like a rabid dog. Not by Enforcers, but by her fellow Zaunites. By trying to make himself so ruthless & allowing her to kill at such a young age, never correcting her behavior, & calling her perfect, he comes to realize that he taught Jinx to treat human lives as little more than playthings to be broken then discarded. He never taught her how to be a functional member of society.

This, more than anything else, is something that he deeply regrets. For years, Silco had operated under the ideology that the ends justify the means. Now seeing the consequences of this perspective, he finally understands why Vander tried to kill him. Because Silco's methods resulted in Zaun's death.

This can go one of 2 ways; either Time allows Silco to survive the shot or he can be sent back to relive his life differently. He's allowed to do this on the condition that he creates a better future.

I'd like to see both ideas come to fruition.

Now, I don't wanna see Silco just become this paragon of good. That's bullshit & completely out of character.

More so, I wanna see him become a more medium grey that sometimes ventures into darker & lighter grey depending on the circumstances.

As it stands, he's currently a very dark grey.

Neither do I want Jinx to just suddenly be a different character. She'd still end up a chaos gremlin with a bit of an unhealthy obsession with explosives & guns.

I'd just make her more well-adjusted with a higher consideration for human life is all.

Perhaps a little less reckless?

I also want to see Silco actually try to help Jinx with her self-loathing problem, her belief that she doesn't deserve love, & that she thinks that her mistake makes her a bad person.

I want to see her realize that the voices she hears were never that of Mylo or Claggor, but her own insecurities & self-loathing. That the only one torturing her is herself. That the only way to make them stop, or at least quiet down, is to understand & accept that they are lies & that she is worthy of love.

That her mistake doesn't make her a monster. The conscious decision to kill innocents is what makes a monster.

That people can change no matter how deep they are. That she can change.

If Silco starts his life all over again, I think it'd be interesting if he retained his scar, but as a birth mark, so it's red instead of necrotic black/grey & his iris is naturally yellow/orange/red, but with a white sclera & he retains his eyebrow & eyelid. He'd no longer have blood poisoning or need Shimmer to keep it at bay, but it would act as a constant reminder of the truth.

Like, maybe this scar was soul deep & carried over?

Maybe as a boon, he has limited future sight to help guide him in the right direction, but only in his left eye? Not too sure about this part.

#arcane #league of legends #silco #redemption arc #jinx #powder #writing prompt #mental health

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ofaither · 1 year

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୨୧˚♡* ♱ portrayal notes and headcanons. taken from this interview.

interviewer: have to say, i have the complete opposite reaction, glenn, when i saw laura lee. i felt peace there's something about her character that just brings me this everything's gonna be okay, even when we know it's not gonna be okay at all, i just see her face and i'm like "oh, it's okay, laura lee's here everything's gonna be fine" so i saw her and i was like, what a better way for jackie to enter the afterlife than with laura lee welcoming her.

widdop: getting involved in the show we shot december 2019 and i was actually the only one that was the age of the girls at that time because i was 17. yeah and now i'm 19. but that was that was super trippy because i was the only one that that i was that age.

interviewer: so how was it portraying a character of such devoted faith widdop: well for me, i grew up christian. i grew up in the episcopal church which is a church that is very accepting, we love anyone and everyone. i think reading when i was little there's, like, a little message going into the church and it's like gay, straight, they/them, she/her, homeless, house, whatever. you're welcome here. so that's kind of always the relationship i've had with christianity. which i know is very different from a lot of people's and especially a lot of queer people. so i just took it with that and my mom works at a church, actually, so i've always kind of had that relationship really close to it, even though i'm not christian. but i think having that really helped me understand that laura lee was not this... she's not trying to hate on anybody, you know what i mean? like she's very much like 'i've read the bible, i know that jesus loves everyone, so i'm going to love everyone as well.' but i think the thing with laura lee that i kind of learned throughout the season and especially with episode 8 and with the help of our director arielle kleinman, we walked through it and because the original, you know, when she has that accident where she hits her head and she's revived, that's a very taboo thing that's happening. she's having mouth to mouth, like, at 13 and it just in that environment, in such a christian camp like that's really, really taboo. um, and so i have always found my faith and things where normal people kind of might not see it in that way so because i really like wicca and a bunch of the occult stuff. so i took that and i just made it christian, i kind of made it my own. and she looks at these really taboo things like the plane that almost killed jackie and she thinks 'no that's a sign from god and even though it was a scary, like, almost life or death experience, i've had that before and that's how i connected to god, so i need to do this in order to fulfill my purpose' so that's kind of the headspace that i went into.

interviewer: but i think another question that a bunch of people were having was when she dives into that pool when she's 13, like why is she diving into the shallow end? like what's going on in her head?

widdop: we kind of came up with this idea that, even when she was younger, all throughout her life she's had these kind of terrible ideas but she kind of goes into this, like, fugue state where she doesn't know what she's doing and she just ends up almost dying. you know what i mean? so i think it's- she has these almost not, like, street smart moves, that's what i would call it. and i think i'm very similar in that way because i just have some like moments where i'm like, that would be such a stupid decision if i made that, but it's not like terrible things. like i'm thinking about me making candles because i have a candle obsession and so i froze my candles, and i had a laura lee moment where i was like, you know, what if i used like perfume, like, my extra perfume in my kit? and i was like, no, jane, that would make a bomb, that's alcohol that you're putting fire to. but i just have these moments sometimes and they're just such larly moments, so that's what i've started calling them. i love them because i love laura lee but the second you suggested the plane thing, i'm sitting here watching the episode like, this is a bad idea, why is nobody stopping her? which, coach ben, bless his heart, he tried, i know, but she has these ideas that are like, you almost can't stop her. that's another thing i feel like with people with faith is it's so strong that anything that you say to them is not gonna change their faith and what they've been through. and i think that in laura lee's head she really did believe that she survived the pool and all of that in order to save them later, right, she has a bigger purpose.

interviewer: so with the pool, coming back, because we debated that on this podcast, talking about- was that misjudging the depth? was there something intentional? so do you see it as almost more that she has these intrusive thoughts that she almost acts on the impulse?

widdop: very much acting on impulse, not thinking through things and that's kind of why we wanted to show her in the beginning like that, so that it would make sense for more people to understand that that's where she's coming from. but she has these moments of just- i mean, they're they're a bunch of teenagers right they have moments of immaturity and i think that that's a big one for her. she's innocent, she's sweet, she's kind, she's loving but she can be a bit immature and not in the ways that the other girls are. like, in doomcoming, you know, what i mean like that type but she's not that type of immature, she's the type of immature that will go fly a plane because she thinks she can do that.

interviewer: one thing i love about this series is that faith based characters are usually comic relief, almost. they're very one note and i love how laura lee's faith guides her and plays a very important role in the series. i'm curious to know your thoughts because so for me, i mean, i feel very much the nostalgia factor with this show and even though i was not raised in the christian faith and christian culture, there was a real christian culture youth movement that was like cool in the mid 90s when you had like dc talk and jars of clay. what kind of research did you do into what a christian teenager would have been into at that time? widdop: i kind of just asked my sister, who grew up in the 90s. she was very much a natalie, that's what i would call her, like, blaring the smashing pumpkins in her pickup truck with the windows rolled down, you know. but i used her and i leaned on her a lot, because i wanted somebody that had an experience in the 90s that went to high school during this time and was very first-hand. so she had a friend of hers that was a very devout christian, so i kind of just took some of that information. and then i used a lot of my mom's like growing up because my mom grew up very baptist and so picking apart the layers that didn't identify with larli's christianity, you know what i mean? i tried to kind of combine a bunch of different values ... but, yeah, i definitely did a lot of research into just, like, what activities she would like to do you know what i mean or what her youth group would do on the weekends in new jersey, you know what i mean? like, stuff like that.

widdop: i think the other thing with laura lee is she does get invited to that party, at the beginning, you know? i think she has two sets of these friends. she has her really christian group and then her soccer team that she really shouldn't be a part of, but somehow she is and they invite her everywhere even though they don't tell her anything. and i just kind of love that dynamic because i feel like everybody in high school kind of had one of those people, i feel like i was that person. i was always like 'wait what's going on what are we talking about' and they're like 'okay you know what we'll tell you later' i was like 'hey sure'

widdop: i think you can look at it and see one note, but for me i didn't. i just i saw a girl that wants to be accepted but wants people to accept her for who she is and isn't going to change for that, and i really appreciated that. and that's why i feel like sometimes laura lee and i are so different, because sometimes i can be the one that's like 'i will, actually, i will change if you want. you know, sure i'll wear this instead of this' and she's not gonna do that she's very headstrong and gonna wear what she wants. even her sweaters and her flowery shirts and dresses in the middle of the woods, you know, she makes it work, she does.

widdop: i just i played a character before on a pilot that didn't get picked up by pete berg called bloodline, and my character's name was bird. and so i've kind of always connected with birds and had that, and then of course with laura lee, when, you know, she connects with other birds.

interviewer: now that i'm thinking about it, i'm a little bummed we didn't get to see laura lee on shrooms, when leonard started talking to her. i think that would have been a moment. widdop: i know, i feel like she would have like seen the skies open up and been like, oh my god, jesus is walking down towards me, that would have been really funny. i would have loved to play laura lee on shrooms.

interviewer: oh my god, in f sharp, just the when you drop the piano teacher's- i mean that was that was my favorite laura lee moment. that was perfect because of course you think that it was going to be something subtle that laura lee would think was a bad word but really wasn't that bad and we're just like 'whoa okay, yeah, yeah we're going there'. it goes to show you the two dimensions that you just said laura lee has, same as getting invited to the part.y you think she's the sweet innocent girl but there is a different side of her and that, right there, showed it i was not expecting her to come up. it was amazing, also i just find it so funny.

widdop: technically, she did die in a plane crash. they just extended her stay, you know, just for a little bit. had to get close to lottie. interviewer: yeah, and i was gonna say how was it working with courtney eaton? given that the journey between laura lee and lottie was so powerful. widdop: i love courtney, i think she is such a phenomenal actress, she made it so easy to play off of her. but i think that their moments are really, really special because, like i said, larley finds god's faith in really taboo things and that's lottie, you know, that's how they connect and we kind of didn't really get into this backstory, but i don't think that they've had a lot of connection before the plane crash. i think that this is really the one thing that brings them together and then obviously probably lottie's downfall when i die as well. i love the highs and the lows of their storyline and i also really like how they have had very similar near-death experiences. so when i hit my head in that thing, like when i'm younger lottie also had that car crash but she also had the same experience that i had when i was 13 when i baptized her and i think that that was that's such a cool parallel between the two. and i really do think that their story lines mesh perfectly together, i wasn't expecting that to happen that relationship to take place and it was really funny to me because after people saw the pilot they were like 'oh lottie and laura lee lottie lee' i was like 'how did you guys see this i didn't even see this when we filmed the pilot, what' so that was that was pretty funny to me. i loved that people were able to catch on i was like 'i didn't'. there's so many similarities the bible also had a very strong impact on lottie just in a different way.

widdop: i definitely think if laura lee had taken off and there had been a radio, she would have been able to reach somebody and could have at least let them know. even if she still did die, but i definitely think if there was an option for that in there she would have done that. i mean, she's immature, but she's smart.

interviewer: so i have to say, at the end of that journey, morally being seen as the most of the straight-laced characters who would respect authority, her standing up to coach ben is just- how was it playing such a pivotal moment of strength for that character? widdop: i loved thatm and that is all thanks to our brilliant director because the 'what are you going to do to stop me, coach?' line is really was really jackie's line, and our director was like 'no, laura lee needs this line' because this is her final 'i'm standing up to you moment'. so i was really, really happy that i got that line and that i could kind of play that moment. that was really fun, i've seen videos and clips of it because i didn't know how it's going to turn out but that little step forward that i did, was a big decision for me at the moment i was like 'should i step forward? should i not step forward? should i just stay here? how does this- what i do?' it was a very big moment for me but i really liked the way that it turned out in that whole monologue, especially my favorite thing of that entire scene is when she's like 'excuse me' she's really quiet at the beginning and then she's like 'no' it's so funny to me like just from zero to 100 real quick. which is what i love about her, that's very her she's very gung-ho, very 'i'm gonna take care of things'.

interviewer: i don't know if you know this information but what sign do you think laura lee is?

widdop: i've thought about this, being my astrology nerd self that i am. i definitely think that she is a cancer sun, i think she's very, very loving, very kind but also kind of doesn't think things through. then i would say aquarius rising or moon and then there's one aries placement in that big three, but i never know where to put it. i think that the aries comes in with that strong-headedness. but also it's so close to taurus, i think it's an aries-taurus type of situation, because she has that stubbornness, she has a lot of fire in that. i see her as this fiery water sign with just the tiniest sprinkle of air added in.

widdop: i think that there's also a couple other characters that- i would identify -that have aries in their big three. so, i think that's how her relationships kind of develop. but i also definitely think lottie is a pisces, and that's why- the pisces and cancer, you know, hanging out.

interviewer: well so courtney ian mentioned in an interview that her internal motivation in singing kiss from a rose, when she was preparing for the scene, was telling herself that that was laura lee's favorite song. is that in your head canon now, as well? widdop: it definitely wasn't before, but as soon as i heard the song on doomcoming, i was like 'yeah, this is definitely a laura lee song. this is what she would listen to' i added it to my wireless playlist that i made. i was thinking about putting girl on fire but i was like 'that's a little bit too hard' .

interviewer: it's just amazing how the shit went down when laura lee wasn't there to be a compass and guide for the group, and for lottie to keep her in charge.

widdop: yes, and i think that's definitely why laura lee had to go, you know, there has to be that moment of 'oh, stuff's gonna happen, there's no moral compass anymore, it's gone off the rails' but i also just really like how her death was such a hero thing, and i think that that's why it really only affects lottie the most, because she felt like she could have done the most. but everybody else that- you know -we've been on a team together, we played soccer for years, everybody else knew my head strong qualities, they knew they weren't gonna be able to stop me. but i think lottie was like- that's why it affected her so much because she knew she would have been one of the only people to stop me and she didn't do anything.

widdop: i will forever love her. that was one of the best parties i think i've ever had. it was 2019, so, you know, better time, and it was like the last halloween party i had i do before pandemic. i did a halloween party with my one of my best friends and she was my roommate for a little bit, mila and we went to high school together and our first party that we did, because we were kind of like the weird kids in high school that didn't really party like we wanted like our version of partying was doing crafts. so we had a disney themed halloween party and made felt mickey mouses, decorated cookies, made a magic mirror to take pictures in front of, we did not make jello shots with alcohol in them, no, we made the alien jello shots from toy story. yeah, no alcohol to be found. here's a laura lee moment, i was like, 'you know, the easiest way to heat this up is just to put the pyrex glass mixing bowl on the stove.' it's not insane, that used to be possible before they changed the formula, it's true. i thought that i was right in this and then it exploded so i really did not have a lot of jello that night. thank god there wasn't any alcohol in it, or else that would have been an even worse mess that would have smelled so bad.

#literally just quotes from the interview KHBSJC #† headcannons ˛ ‘ and i will dwell on this earth forevermore.#† study ˛ ‘ from my rotting body flowers shall grow.

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