#thoughts from the barn

[mac-and-thefox]

Does anyone have any hugs or shoulders to rest on to spare? Or soft thoughts

👉🏽👈🏽

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

all this to say: i think it'd be cute if Barnaby literally howls with laughter

[hedgehog-moss]

I lost one of my chickens :( she was caught and carried away by a fox... I’ve been growing complacent about my chickens’ safety I think because we’ve only had one other attack before, a goshawk that swooped in abruptly (unsuccessfully), but no fox sightings nearby so I’ve been assuming Pandolf was a great deterrent. Which he is, just not foolproof. I’ve talked to some people in town about this and they were pretty philosophical about foxes stealing chickens, like “it’s the tribute we pay to woodland animals, it’s just a few hens here and there.” I don’t begrudge the fox for being a fox, if anything I have a renewed respect for foxes because everyone I talked to proceeded to give me their best / worst fox stories, and most of them involved foxes outsmarting humans (learning people’s habits / timetables, opening latches, faking a limp...) Still I feel terrible for my hen, she was only three. RIP Cordy :( You’ll be remembered fondly... (except by the cats.) I feel bad for the other hen too, who just lost her pal!

When I said that last thing, one of my neighbours jumped on the opportunity to try and convince me again to accept a rooster from him. He had a rooster baby boom last summer and I’ve been telling him for months that I don’t need a rooster, I don’t want to raise chickens I just want eggs, and his new argument was that a rooster would protect my hen (or if it comes to that, would heroically sacrifice himself rather than let the hen be eaten—I’m sceptical...) I asked around for a young hen but there aren’t any to be had in this season, so my remaining one is going to be alone until the spring, and my neighbour said she’d get stressed and male company is better than no company. (I wish I could ask my hen what she wants! Maybe she’s penning A Coop Of One’s Own as we speak.) I said the rooster was more likely to stress her out and harass her and he said nah they’re free ranging all day, it’ll be fine, and he’s young so your adult hen will boss him around. I was like, but then will he be any good at protecting her? etc. etc. and after a while I caved in.

When I told her about this on the phone my mum sighed “you’re terrible at saying no”—excuse me, I said no so many times and the guy just kept ploughing on until he could foist a rooster upon me. I’m good at saying no, other people are terrible at hearing it! I reassured her that I had only agreed to take the rooster for a short probationary period, and if he bothers my hen too much I’ll drive him back to his native farm. My mum was like “Drive him back? look I’m sorry I raised you as a city kid but there’s no need to waste gas on driving a rooster around, I’ll have no qualms about wringing his neck for dinner if he’s more trouble than he’s worth.” The rooster’s fate is not sealed though, if he is anywhere from vaguely useful to not actively problematic I’ll keep him, so we’ll see...!

[tanglepelt]

Dp x dc idea 163

Danny learns while being held by the Giw that he can in fact make portals. For whatever reason he can call the portal even with anti ecto cuffs. They start out small and unstable. Disappearing with the blink of an eye.

It’s only when he is being dissected it’s a fully formed portal. Only lasting long enough to engulf him. Table and all.

He has no idea where he’ll end up. All he knows is it’s somewhere on earth and he is still strapped to the table.

Some potential places he could end up. The Kent’s barn, in front of Martian manhunter, in the middle of the gala, the middle of a legion of doom meeting, the middle of the justice league, maybe even in the middle of a Wayne family dinner.

[nocek]

Aaaand I've managed to finish it on time by the end of christmas season / on time for orthodox one? Happy ugly sweater season anyway regardless what you celebrate.

Main idea here is that they are having great holiday marathon of old spy films curated by Nat. Also she and Bucky are providing reality check for the dumb shit happening while giving lived through examples of reality being even stupider sometimes ;P

Also I headcanon (does it count as a headcanon if it's my drawing?idk) that either after last year sweater fiasco few aunts in Sam's quite big family decided to fix that while taking inspiration from their superhero costumes. Or that actually Bucky took up knitting because it requires a lot of repetitive and very precise hand movements and it helps him notice when his hand may need a tune up.

Clear lineart version is here and there is a close up below the cut ;)

[milogoestogreendale]

anti slash shippers will just be telling on themselves fr cause i posted some fanart and this guy’s like “i hate that when two men share a close bond and people imply they’re gay”

so i said “dude i didn’t even say anything about them being gay this is literally a redraw of a canon scene from the show”

and he was like “oh i didn’t mean you were implying they’re gay i was talking about the SHOW implying it,” LMAOO

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: I don't have favourites!

Clint: How come Spiderkid has an allowance then?

Sam: Hey! How come I don't get an allowance!?

Bucky: Because you get paid to do this birdbrain, you don't need allowance

Scott: I don't get paid, how come I don't get allowance?

Nat: Are you even an Avenger?

Steve: Peter gets allowance!? I have to pay rent to stay here!

Tony: thats because I don't like you

Bucky: Hey, I also have to pay to be here, does anyone else pay?

Tony: thats a swear jar. There's a difference

[gaypirate420]

Hold on I just realized Bucky has never said "doll" like ever.

[buckymorelikefuckme]

headcanon: 6

“I loathe you,” you hiss through clenched teeth.

Bucky laughs humorlessly. “Is that supposed to hurt my feelings?” He clutches his chest, pouting in faux pain. “That cuts me real deep, sweetheart.”

You sneer. “I bet it fucking does. You want me so bad you can’t stand it.”

That makes genuine anger flash in his eyes. Satisfaction hums through your veins, because you know you’re right, and he knows you’re right.

“One day I just might get over that,” he finally replies, and you blink in confusion at his easy admission. “But you?” he continues, closing the distance between you until you can feel the warmth of his solid body.

You hate the way you have to crane your neck up to look him in the eye, and you know he’s done that on purpose.

“You will never forget me. I’ll be on your mind until the day you die, and even beyond that, I’ll make it my mission to make your afterlife a living hell with the memory of what you could have had, but were too stubborn to take. Because you’re a fucking coward.”

[mac-and-thefox]

Real life talk for a second, if you'll indulge me.

As a lot of you know by now, in the real world I am a riding instructor and horse trainer. Tomorrow and Sunday I will be attending the second of three assessment clinics as a part of receiving my Instructor/Trainer certification from my industry's national governing body in my country (its the USDF Instructor/Trainer certification for anyone that's truly curious). I am the youngest candidate in this session. If I pass this, I will be one of...maybe 10 people in my state that have this credential. If I'm being honest, I'm scared shitless.

This is a really intense program and the assessors that conduct it can be brutal. I will be demonstrating my teaching style by conducting a lesson with a demo rider/volunteer and having to defend my specific style and reasons for my methodology. It's conducted in front of an audience of auditors as well as the two assessors and is pretty much all day long for two days. I left the first clinic (riding skills) in tears and with some incredibly huge feelings of imposter syndrome and therefore have been an anxious wreck about this coming up all week.

I guess what I'm saying is...if anyone has any positive vibes to spare or fun distracting thoughts to share for this weekend, they would be deeply appreciated.

💙

Pony pic as an offering to the masses

[luck-of-the-drawings]

THE ORDER OF PALMS An order of holy folk that serve The Helm, working to create powerful Aasimar Paladins for the purpose of protecting any who hire their help. [BACKSTORY UNDER CUT]

One day, Gjör and her peers were lead by their mentor Opheria, to a mission far from their home. On the peak of that mountain village, they saw upon the horizon, the castle of their home go up in flames. Horrified and scared, the apprentices sought to follow their mentors guidance, and followed her lead into a small barn. It was there, that Opheria proceeded to slaughter each and everyone of the apprentices. It seemed she somehow had a hand in this sudden attack on the Order of Palms. Gjör D'annevual survived a sword through the 'heart', on account of a rare condition, that places her heart on the other side of her chest. When she finally managed to bring herself back home, the Order was insulted by her survival. She had so many better peers, why couldn't any of them have survived? This runt was seriously the only thing that survived Opherias wrath? It was better to just wash their hands clean of this. Thus the Order decided to banish Gjör from their ranks. She now travels the land in search of a purpose.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ive had this in my brain for like. two weeks. What If....

[talesfromthecrypts]

The McPherson Tape (1989) dir. Dean Alioto

[denebolablack]

Tony: I won't accept the use of any old-fashioned pet name to refer to me! I'M THE FUTURE-

Bucky: *Enters the room walk8ng directly to the fridge* Mornin' dollface.

Steve: *Following Bucks* Good mornin' sunshine.

Tony: *Giggles* Hi~

Nat:*Lifts an eyebrow*

Tony: They're a special case, Nat.

Bucky & Steve: *Smirk*

[riverkingmarley]

Thinking about powers as a metaphor for trauma and how the conflict drive is metaphorical for how trauma causes people to lash out and behave in a problematic way, symbolized by the violence inherent in the police and violent crime. Thinking about how Taylor loses her powers at the end of worm being symbolic for her moving on from her trauma and finally healing.

Thinking about this one Emma fic I read in which Emma realizes she needs to get better at the end. She decides to do this by becoming a corporate cape that is solely motivated by money. When I pointed out that this probably isn’t the best way to become better, some guy started arguing that there is no way to become better because of the conflict drive.

I never thought worm was really that dark, despite its reputation. I’d probably think worm was pretty dark if the message was ‘you can never heal and life will always be a constant battle no matter what’. Seems like a bummer.