#to everyone saying my rambling posts are beautifully worded. I love you

[sunnnfish]

My insane rambling and apparently charming words have captivated the tbhk community

[neteyamsilly]

Hi!! It’s Ramble Anon!!

I must begin with saying that this chapter was amazing, I was holding my breath until the very end!! I woke up earlier than usual for some reason (maybe subconsciously I knew you posted the chapter AHAHA) and I’m so glad I did!! I got all the time to read it slowly and savoring every word 😌

I KNEW you would hit us with the most grueling, beautiful, teary flashback ever, but MAN, even if I knew what was written I couldn’t have been possibly prepared 😭

It was so refreshing seeing Jake being an amazing dad, so cute that all of the kids (and Neytiri) teased him, BUT Y/N, she loves those beads, could be the ugliests in the whole world, she’d think they were the prettiest thing her eyes laid on 🥺 (him finding out she wear them in her hair after she dies ☹️)

I loved the bantering between Jake and Neytiri!! The whole movie was them stressing out for their children, it’s so nice seeing them as a couple, gently teasing each other 🥰

May I say that little Y/N is the most adorable child? So cute!! Her being able to sneak on Jake and her siblings observing if she succeeds or fails!! Why am I so entertained by the fact that during all the flashback Y/N was the mastermind of the attacks to Jake, lmao, always keeping him on his toes

And the innocent cussing!! 😭 and the siblings copying Y/N 🥺 (I’m curious, who do you think between the kids curses the most? I think most people would answer Lo’ak, but I’d put Kiri there too, she just looks like the type to curse her brother out if he aggravates her enough lmao (she is grace’s daughter, too after all), but Y/N, she sounds like the person who curses when she is excited!!)

Jake using mighty hunter as a entertaining nickname for Y/N, then he used it to mock and ridicule her.. why must u hurt me like this. 😞

And then the painting with the mud and the promise of painting her face for Iknimaya 😭 (“it’s what family does” pls-)

Y/N dying was so heartbreaking, everyone was panicking, Neteyam and Lo’ak coming to see what happened must have been terrifying, Jake and Neytiri desperately hugging their daughter..

Y/N died in front of Neteyam, they were the each other’s closest sibling and Y/N died IN FRONT OF HIM -pls I can’t-

Lo’ak just staring and being unable to understand, him bringing his grandma and Kiri, and Tuk!! Poor baby.. Everyone consoling each other was so nice in all of this heartbreak

Lo’ak going back where Y/N died, he just wanted to fly with his sister 😞

And her Ikran trying to gently nudge her awake 😭. He needs a name!! (I’m still so mad they didn’t give us names of the sibling’s ikrans ☹️)

Her Ikran being Toruk’s colors!!! 😭

I know he is beautiful

baby was mutilated and kept going for her, I can’t stop imagining Y/N begging her dad to not put him down like PLEASE, I have tears in my eyes

(I read in one of the comments that Y/N is Hiccup coded, I couldn’t agree more 😭)

I literally am writing this between my classes, I’m so blinded by your absolute talent ✨

I’m so glad Hake got some sense knocked into him, FINALLY

Ik it hurt to hear what Neytiri said, but I enjoyed it 😭 (But all the children listening 😕)

And this Stxel’eveng?? I can’t wait to find out what will happen!! What will happen at the Tree of Souls??? I’m so excited!!

Such a beautiful chapter!! Thank you!!

I hope I’m not bothering you with all of this asks lmao (I sent one after chapter 3, I hope it got sent!! (Not trying to rush you or anything!! I just know my phone sucks and it keeps disappointing me lmao) I just can’t stop commenting on how beautifully you wrote this story 😭)

RAMBLE ANON HI!!!! I think tumblr didnt send a notification to you, I've answered your ask today here!!!! DW I GOT UR BACK

I'm telepathically connected to the readers of this fic through daddy issues frequency channel, we're ascending together 🧘🏽‍♀️ the fic dropped and it was that audio going "something just happened" LMAOOOO

Half the ask being about the flashback and the cute moments and the details melted me, omg!

Jake and Neytiri having a back-and-forth was so entertaining, i loved her calling him "baby" the most bc she did that a lot in the first movie!!!

Also omg IM HAPPY YOU PICKED UP ON THE "MIGHTY HUNTER" DETAIL AHHHH THAT HURTS MY SOUL! Something they lovingly joked around together used by Jake to hurt her where it's vulnerable:(

ALSO LIKE UR SO RIGHT Sister!reader cussing at moments of excitement and happiness, and Kiri being the wildcard you wouldn't expect to have a potty mouth! AHH I LOVE THIS

Lowkey I referred to the ikran as "Jack" in my head because i had a gag going that sister!reader would name him that so it's funny as he listens when she orders him to do something and it's supposed to get on jake's nerves 💀 also like, funny when all the other family members having poetic na'vi names and you and your father having "bob" and "jack"

BUT I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR!!! he has so much personality despite being in the background most of the time i dont know how i managed to do this HSHDHSBDHS

I'm so happy (as always) to see you looking forward to the next chapter AAAAAA THANK YOU FOR THE ASK<3333

[xenokattz]

First Lines Meme

nabbed from @beatrice-otter & @whetstonefires

Rules:  Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able to, and see if there are any patterns!

Investigations Into Interoffice Relations: Man of Steel, 5 Times Jenny Shipped Lois & Clark AKA 5 Times Lois & Clark Didn't Say "I Love You." Slightly comedic, slightly dramatic, slightly smutty.

Everyone working at the Daily Planet went to Caffe Artigiano for their break.

A Flame in Two Cupped Hands: Man of Steel, coffee shop AU. Six years and two thousand coffee cups separated Lois and Clark's first real hello and last real good-bye.

Flirting with the new waiter at her usual café was quickly becoming a favourite past time for Lois.

Itch: Man of Steel, one-shot, < 5000 words which is practically a drabble for me

The back of Lois' brain itched.

Made It Rain: MCU, Taserhawk, another <5000, I guess I was trying to write weekly?

See, there was this woman...

Break Your Own Heart: MCU, Taserhawk, dramedy

Darcy never chose the wrong kind of guy for her boyfriends.

E Minus Too Few Hours: MCU, Captain Hill, Steve Rogers has a brilliant plan but Maria Hill begs to differ

With just enough time to nap before the mission, Maria slipped into the cot beside him.

Kay Nicte (Take off your clothes, let down your hair): MCU-BPWF, Nashuri, No Powers AU, proof that I can only make porn with plot

“Have you ever fucked up so badly you’re sure there’s no way to make it better?”

Kiss Me By the Fence Rails: MCU-BPWF, Nashuri, Attoye, Shuri wants Namor's help seducing her high school crush, Namor is gonna try to shoot his shot, Attuma & Okoye are just trying not to slap their idiot bosses. WIP.

"How do you feel about dates and sex with me?"

Beautifully Created: MCU-BPWF, Attoye, minor Nashuri, AU Canon divergence, Wakanda knew about Talokan when Namor made his ultimatum by the river. WIP.

He did not recognize her.

The Pearl I Carry in My Heart: MCU-BPWF, Nashuri, minor Attoye, post-canon enemies to friends to lovers, world-building, political, sci-fi monstrosity that ate my life for 8 months.

He planned it all, of course.

*~°~*~°~*~°~*

I fully expected all my first lines to be rambling run-on sentences. I'm pleasantly surprised that they're mostly short; dare I even say, punchy. 😜 4/10 starting sentences had under 6 words; the remaining had nary a single semi-colon.

6/10 did not immediately reveal the narrator.

Only 3/10 started with dialogue. It would be interesting to do the last sentence version of this because I'm sure I almost always end a scene with speech/dialogue.

Does anyone else see other patterns?

Soft, no-pressure tag to @pilesofpillows @gaal-dornick @umber-cinders @princess-of-gondor @dasphinxone

(look ma! I has friends!)

[januaryembrs]

Hello hun, hope you’re well ,

So listen, I am the anon that had posted before about how your writing is something else. I haven’t been here in a while but among other things, you kinda resurrected my Reblog and Fic phase lol. I have so many things to say and it felt dishonest to do so anonymously. You have a knack man. You write like you were born with a pen in between your fingers.

You know, Jane Austen had a knack for romance. She wrote it like no one else ever has. She wrote with words that would suck you in and brand your heart with a hot iron. Made sure no one who read any of her books would ever forget her. Shirley Jackson was almost unparalleled when writing mystery and horror. So many of her stories, no matter how many times I’ve read them or reread them, still get my skin to crawl and the hairs at the back of my neck to rise. And I could go on and on about so many other authors but I really just want to talk about you.

Usually, I come to fanfiction for sweet romance. Unattainable love to satiate a yearning. Blah blah I love love lol. But I found you. Gosh, Em. (I’m assuming I can call you that, it’s the only name I saw, Sorry) Angst is such a hard thing to write. And a lot of people disagree because everyone has felt pain so everyone can describe it. But you don’t just write angst, no. You rip my heart out from my chest and make me watch as you fiddle with each of my nerves. You don’t just write angst, you feel it with words. You somehow are able to hook with each sentence and make me feel your words. It’s almost like a sirens song. You lure me in with promise of a story and leave me bruised and battered. But content.

I really wish my words convey what I’m trying to say. Honey, people fuck up angst so easily. Sometimes they make it too rushed or too harsh, too unbelievable or too exaggerated. But you? You write it like the heavens themselves created suffering after your work. And some people might think that it’s just another fanfic, but gods no. This is something else entirely. I hope you take this as the birth of your own genre, because you’re unique. Millions of books by millions of authors that will write sweet suffering yet none of them reach the soles of the ginormous boots you have on.

And don’t get me started on your imagery. On your descriptors. On your tone, your pace, your everything. I could talk about you and your work, (and already have) for literal days. You are something else hun.

Now, confidently with my name attached lol, I do want to know whenever you post your book. Whether a short story or a multi book that rivals game of thrones lol. I will pay an unimaginable amount of money for that. That being said, I’m exited for the next chapter to drop later today!!!! I’m preparing by shamelessly re-reading the story yet again. Also I apologize for the long note, I could not stop my ramble.

Hun please take care of yourself, much love!!

Hey pookie!! First of all this read like POETRY I hope you take interest in writing yourself because you write so beautifully in my inbox and make my face blush every damn time. Thankyou so much for your constant love and support, you make me feel like I really have a shot in the dark when it comes to publishing a book of my own (and yes it’s going to be a dark fantasy trilogy!) which is something I have genuinely always thought was far too big a reach for a dumb little english girl like me. You are far too sweet than I deserve in my opinion however it is so nice to log on and see these messages because it makes all the hours worth it 💗💗💗 thankyou so so so much for being so kind you don’t know how much it means considering they’re just words on a screen, I CHERISH every one of them 💗💗

(Also yes!! You can call me Em or Pookie or literally whatever you like 💗)

[zukkaoru]

Hello!

I read your whisper of the memory fic and can I just say ...... Thank you for your great work 🙇‍♀️

I was going through my usual ( whenever I think about Megumi I cry thing and I just needed someone to understand just how heartbreaking his story is and then i saw the manga panels of his soul(?) Just lying there when sukuna killed fake tsumiki and the i read your fic and cried more because you get it

It was so beautifully written and so in character for everyone. It didn't oversimiplify or glorify the relation Megumi had with gojo and it just <<3333

I hope we can get more of your thoughts on Megumi . Please feel free to rant or write about him here

omg thank you so much 🥺🫶💕 (i am) the whisper of a memory is honestly my favorite fic i've written to date and i'm so so glad so many people have said they loved it and that i Understand megumi. especially bc that fic really was just be writing a ~13k word character analysis on him disguised as a fic and i was worried the experimental style might throw people off

i would love to offer more thoughts on megumi but honestly my brain right now when i think about him is just. [incoherent screaming] so um. i'll offer you this other megumi ramble i posted that still occasionally gets notes and my other megumi-centric fics:

megumi & tsumiki - in the limbo between life and death

megumi & nanami - a study on the dynamic between them

megumi/itadori - chapter 199 missing scene

[fatuismooches]

I almost screamed in my hospital room when i checked my notifs on my phone after i woke up omg-

Smooches, you don't understand how happy i'am after seeing u back 😭🙏💞 i thought something happened to you 😭 its been so long.. I've been refreshing ur acc each time i want re-read some of ur works, hoping to see that u are still active and upload something.. I really miss ur ramblings and writings 😔

as always, another masterpiece has been created.. gosh ur Dottore Childhood Crush made my heart shudder. Especially when Dotty (not so) confessing his feelings towards reader, i literally can't stop smiling (i'm going to eat him bcs he is such a tsundere-). I miss ur writings so much, its so beautifully written 😭🛐💞 definitely became one of my favorite alongside ur Capitano Childhood Crush fic!

Anyways, how are u doing? I really hope that u are doing well 🙏🙏

-🥝

DWUIBWDU IM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WORRY 🥝 ANON😭😭❤️ Don't worry I'm fine lovely, and thank you for re-reading my works. 🥰🙏 It actually makes me so happy that my stuff is worth re-reading that much- And I promise to post my ramblings- I've accumulated a lot while i was away😭

I'm so happy at all this positive response from my dottore childhood crush fic 🥺 !! And to think it's all the way up in your favorites?!! I'm so happy💗💗💗 And yea, I think Dottore is not very good with affectionate words, it comes as a struggle for him, not just because he doesn't know what to say but it's a bit of a blow to his ego, to think he's saying such nauseating sickly and syrupy sweet things- But he's still very good with words so he has no problem putting someone in their place if he has to. I think of him as more of an action sort of guy too!

As for me, I've been doing good! Same grind as always of course but I'm excited to indulge in more brainrot with you and everyone of course 🛐💞I'm real happy to see you in my inbox! I hope things get better for you 🥝 anon, ily.

[ciaossu-imagines]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been getting negative stuff in your inbox! Folks need to remember that the number rule of fandom is to simply click away if they don't enjoy something. I think the magic of fandom is the creation of new content beyond canon and that everyone has their own interpretations of characters. I love how much thought and effort you put into your interpretations and that you're not afraid to break away from popular opinion! It's also wonderful and refreshing how much you celebrate sexuality (although I get it's not for everyone)! You add treasures to each fandom you contribute to and I hope you continue to do so for as long as it brings you joy

Okay, but can I just say how absolutely beautifully written this is? This is so amazingly said and I agree so much with a lot of your points! I won’t be quite as eloquent in my replies, but bear with me!

 I agree so strongly about the magic of fandom. The truth is, everyone views the media with their own biases in place, so we all arrive at different interpretations of characters, of relationships, of interactions. And that’s a truly beautiful, wonderful thing because it really does mean that everyone…everyone will find their own people in fandom. Everyone will find things and other fans and writers and artists that they connect to in fandoms. And I do realize that this is harder for people to do in a lot of the fandoms I write for because…they are small. They’re older, mostly inactive and kept afloat only because of small groups of die-hard fans. So, there’s not always a million places to find your people anymore. But they are out there. If my writing isn’t doing it for you, or you’re uncomfortable with my views on characters or with things I post on this blog, it’s as simple as not interacting with it. With not reading or unfollowing or looking away. If you can’t find other active blogs for the fandom you’re following me for…start your own. Even if you’re just reblogging art or old posts or just throwing up your own ramblings on the characters or sharing your OC’s – all of my fandoms have that wonderful, amazing group of die-hard fans and you will find your people that way.

That being said, thank you so incredibly much. Those compliments were…really impactful. I have never really thought of all of my little ramblings on here as treasures and to have them referred to as such gave me that automatic ‘you’re giving me way too much credit, my stuff isn’t all that great’ reaction because self-esteem? That bitch ain’t no friend of mine. But that really touched me, gorgeous, and it meant a lot to me.

I have no plans on disappearing again, no matter how sad or unmotivated I might get or how many rude anons I get. To be honest, every fandom I write for, I write for because of how much the characters and the stories have meant to me, have become fixtures in my life and how, pitiful as this may sound, these characters have really felt like…friends, true, constant, unjudging friends. To quote Tahereh Mafi, “In the absence of human relationships, I formed bonds with paper characters. I lived love and loss through stories threaded in history; I experienced adolescence by association. My world is one interwoven web of words, stringing limb to limb, bone to sinew, thought and images all together. I am a being compromised of letters, a character created by sentences, a figment of imagination formed through fiction.” To stop creating for these characters, to let these fandoms just…die? It would leave me grieving the death of friends, to say nothing of how much fandoms and all you lovely readers have shaped me and influenced me and made my life richer and still continue to do so. All of you, this blog, these characters, they have all become my safe place and until tumblr kicks me off, I’ll always be here for the characters and for each and every one of you constant readers.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

3/5/23 CW: Abuse/Trauma mention kinda? ADHD stuff, anxiety stuff, "The Bluey Post."

Last couple days have been okay. I've been learning to manage the panic attacks better. I didn't actually have one today- I kinda had a smaller episode yesterday, but I put on some Bluey and it turns out to be like, magic anti-panic attack medicine. Who knew.

Some people have heard me say (seen me type?) before that after watching Zootopia, I didn't want to FUCK Clawhauser; I just wanted to be his friend. My first real furry crush was Alex the Lion from Madagascar- just a bright, bouncy, funny, silly, charming character that loved to perform and loved people- bonus points for having huge bappy manimal paws and big chompy teeth. This is going somewhere, I promise.

I feel like there's this positivity vacuum in my life that makes me a sucker for hyper-pure characters and content, like it artificially fills some kind of void that makes me wish I were a part of it in an earnest and genuine way.

Bluey has been like... The greatest expression of that feeling. I love watching Bluey never stop being bossy because she gets away with it nine times out of ten due to her shear charisma. I love watching Bingo constantly challenged to fight for attention and respect, and ultimately succeeding. I love watching the chaos that unfolds literally any time that Muffin is on-screen. I love the way Bandit genuinely loves his daughters and does everything in his power to spend time with them and indulge them, even if it's not always on his preferred terms. I love the storyboarding, the subtle hints at deeper trauma across the cast, the relatability of the characters.

I remember before ever seeing the show, I saw a clip of Jack on Twitter. Why can't you sit still? Why can't you remember anything? Why can't you just do what you're told? He stops fidgeting for a moment and really thinks about it and says, sadly:

"... I don't know."

I cried to that clip- hard- because that moment with Jack was my entire childhood and was the most I ever related to a character. It was the most I had ever seen of myself on a TV show packed into three words uttered by a cartoon jack russell terrier that couldn't remember his god damn hat.

Every day of my life, my dad yelled and screamed at me asking why I couldn't do these simple things he asked me to do and all I could say was "I don't know." Sometimes he'd scream it back at me at the top of his lungs in that condescending slurred "pretending to be special needs" tone, mocking me.

My third grade teacher tried to tell my parents "Chris is very smart but has a difficult time staying on task and participating in class- I think that Chris may be struggling with ADHD" and my mom jumped down her throat for suggesting her son could have been anything less than perfect. She didn't attend parent teacher conferences anymore after that. Where dad was hard on me, mom coddled me and kept me "under [her] wing" as dad would say.

I grew up "smart" and "gifted" but "lazy" and "unmotivated," bullshitting and last-minute-ing my way through school, flopping upwards and somehow convincing everyone I was everything they thought I was.

I'm not medicated or diagnosed and I can't afford to be, but I KNOW I'm ADHD. Seeing the way other people struggle and relating to it all- the time blindness, the hyper-focus, the terrible working memory, the difficulty managing emotions, the executive dysfunction, the rambling- yes I know I'm doing it right now, sorry- all of it and more.

At THAT moment, seeing Jack internally question why he can't do all these simple things really endeared me to the character, and I knew I wanted to watch Bluey for more than just lusting after Bandit (god help me he's still so fucking ideal). When I actually watched the show and reached that episode, I was floored by just how beautifully and subtly the show straight up teaches kids about ADHD without ever mentioning it.

Rusty involves Jack in a game that challenges every debilitating aspect of his neurodivergency, and Jack succeeds in every event based on the three motivational pillars of ADHD: Urgency, Novelty, and Personal Interest. If you think of motivation as a bridge, those three things make up the planks you step across, and if any or all of them are missing, it's MUCH harder for someone with ADHD to stay invested in the task at hand and follow through from start to finish without struggling along the way. It's a game, so there's novelty. Jack wants to make a good impression on Rusty, so there's personal interest. In the last part of the game, they need that dust off NOW, so there's your urgency. All three allow Jack to overcome his poor working memory (difficulty remembering multiple pieces of information across short periods of time), his inability to sit still, and his executive dysfunction (inability to actively prioritize what your brain decides to focus its attention on). The episode is just extremely well researched. Fun fact, did you know there's a prominent, internationally recognized authority in the field of ADHD research named Russell Barkley? Coincidence? I think not!

Obviously I got off-track and rambled a bit and now I'm mentally spent, but all I mean to say is that Bluey is a really, overwhelmingly beautiful and cozy show and I'm extremely thankful to have it in my life. It is genuinely beautiful artistically and the animators are given a lot of opportunity to flex their creativity. There's a lot to love but that first episode with Jack was the one that really sold me on it.

It's about 1:30 AM now, I've got a pot roast I've gotta get in the slow cooker in the morning, and I think I'm more prone to panic attacks when I'm sleep-deprived, so I'm gonna try to maneuver around this cat that's leaned up against my thigh and go to sleep.

I don't know if anyone is actually reading these, but I kinda like typing them either way.

Night.

[glass-heartz]

You're far from unlovable. Both in a platonic and romantic way, I bet you're the easiest person to love. You seem like such a sweetheart, a romantic, someone who puts everyone before you. You notice tiny things about a person, you care so deeply and so passionately. I've never talked to you privately, I don't know your interests that much besides what you post here. But I know for a fact you're such a kind and delicate person, and with a huge heart so full of love with no where to go. I'm just some admirer from afar, who loves to stalk your profile and seem all mysterious, but truly I take notice to you, I love seeing who you are, how you are, I love seeing you be so, sweet to your anons and always make time to respond to us. I think all of us anons would agree you're so unbelievably loveable and such a sweet person. We keep coming back for a reason <3

Sorry this is so long, didn't mean to ramble for so long, and apologies for any typos :') Sending so much love to you <333

~ 🎀

this was so beautifully said, please never apologize for sending long paragraphs or even rambling, i adore and treasure these type of things whenever i receive them. i admire how you view me, how you describe me, it caught me so off guard in such a delightful way, seeing how attentive you are when it comes to me,, and the fact you took your time to even write me such heartfelt words has truly reached me, and i can only say how it makes my heart so fuzzy and warm. thank you for your lovely words, dear. i send you my best blessings. <3

i’m still reading this and wrapping it around my head and i’m just,, i have no words, dear. thank you, from the bottom of my heart. thank you for lingering around and being such a sweet admirer of mine, i won’t forget.

[breadgenie]

.

[childotkw]

I've been holding of babbling about this, but today I browsed through every ILYWT post and: I absolutely get the hype. God, how I fucking love Barty.

There's this book scene in Goblet of Fire that's so good. Harry's trapped in the staircase, under his invisibilty cloak, has dropped the golden egg clue and the Marauder's Map and is about to be discovered by Filch and Snape, when Barty shows up and goes out of his way to help him out, doing some top notch acting and ridiculing Snape. Love it.

And, opposed to the real Mad Eye, Fake Allastor was exellent not only at reading people but also at interacting with them. Barty's intelligence allowed him to see right through people, but he also had great people skills. Praises, for example, were rare, but always incredibly on point. Like when he made Neville feel proud of his knack for Herbology or when he told Harry that he'd make a good Auror, something Harry actually took to heart, even after the betrayal. Even though every word of Barty was deliberate, it was still always meant, in those moments. And he was terribly engaging, too! No less terrifying than Mad Eye, but much more captivating and inspiring. The real Allastor always lacked that particular energy and he was always rather dry with everyone, which I always found disappointing. Barty nailed his gruffness, but he added the spice. He was a delight because he managed to come across as a real force, even though he was extremely contained, both mentally and physically, when he had to be Mad Eye.

And then there's his past! People would describe him as a nice, young man and would wonder how that could have happened to him. The fact that he actually cried for his mother in the cell, before quieting down and almost dying is still heartbreaking to me. And then: Whole years trapped under an invisibility cloak, with only his father's elf acknowleding his existence and caring for him?  Under the Imperio? That's gut wrenching. The man is evil, but he is almost just as sympathetic. You almost want to see him burning it all down.

Lastly, there must be some sort of PTSD. And yet. What I really don't get is how he managed to stay so sharp. Yes, there is certaintly a fair amount of insanity, but it's so controlled, at least when he wants it to be, when he's performing. He drank polyjuice potion multiple times a day and had to keep up his act 24/7 for an entire school year. With an already fragile mental state. But he kept in complete control the whole time and he fooled everyone. Having to drink the potion and being stuck in Moody's physical form aside, he was even enjoying himself. He's properly scary and I enjoy it so much.

I imagine that you will have a blast writing him. Twisted characters are the best, although I do hope that Harry will have the right influence on Barty, of course. I absolutely adore the idea of them getting tangled up into each other, god. You also mentioned wanting to write an OS about Barty's childhood and youth and I really hope you will. He's a thrill and I feel like you capture him beautifully.

This really was just a really long rambling session with no real value, since I don't have any questions, but it had to get out of my system. Stay safe and healthy, lovely.

Oh, never apologise about rambling to me about Barty! He's one of the most interesting characters to me at the moment, so I'm always excited when I see his name! Having people get so animated in my inbox is so much fun!

You raise so many good points!

Barty, while fucking insane, is someone with such control over himself and everything around him. He's constantly aware of the potential consequences of what he does and says, and he's a master actor.

You mention that Barty-as-Moody being excellent at reading and interacting with people, and it's so true. I like the idea, or the implication at least, that Barty is incredibly empathetic. He could almost instantly clock someone and their wants / weaknesses / insecurities, and then manipulate them with ease. Sure, a part of that can be attributed to the fact that 80% of the people he's having to manipulate are literal children - but he also knows how to play people like Dumbledore, Snape, Minerva, etc. His ability to connect with people just means he's extra effective at getting into their heads and tricking them.

And god yes - Barty's past is 100% both tragic and so, so intriguing. His journey from a regular, if very intelligent, young boy to a trauma-riddled and dangerous man would have been so awesome to see play out. His sheer determination and willpower is terrifying.

I'd say in ILYWT exploring the ways Harry will influence Barty in return will be so much fun. I'm really happy so many people like this AU because it's one of my favourites and I think the potential it has is so so awesome.

Thanks for sending this ask in - I do love these kind of things! You stay safe out there too, darling, and have a wonderful day! 💕💕

[the---hermit]

Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell

This book. It's going to be a long post, I warn you. I have seen this book around a lot. And although it is not the type of read I would usually go for I was really intrigued. I am so glad I gave in and got it.

The author basically created a big hypothesis on William Shakespeare's family, starting by the fact that his son Hamnet is known to have died young for unknown reasons. Also of course he gave his name to the play Hamlet. Starting from this Maggie O'Farrell painted a picture of this family, where Shakespeare himself plays a very small role and is never mentioned by name. He is only the father, the husband, the son, and so on. This is the base of the novel, which is already interesting itself, but the execution is impeccable. Firstly the writing is absolutely stunning, I had been told so, and I can confirm, it's magnificent. It creates the perfect atmosphere, and it's just really beautifully done. Then the characters are portrayed in such a good way, each one with their own characteristics, each one fascinating and interesting in their own way. I have completly fallen in love with Agnes (Shakespeare's wife), who I may dare to say appears to be the main protagonist. There are so many themes, the historical feeling is perfectly given, and I particularly appreciated the depiction of the plague. It is a scary but fascinating concept, and it was used really well in the novel. Grief is of course one of the main themes, and it is unspeakable how well it was portrayed. I am not an emotional person, I very rarely cry, but there were a few passages which had me in tears. I fully lost my dignity with this book. It explored the subject of loss and pain so well in my opinion. I feel like in general this novel does a great job with feeling, it feels very true, they feel authentic whether is sadness or love, it all feels genuine. I particularly loved the portrayal of brotherly love between sibilings of different genders. Both Agnes and her bother, and Hamnet and her twin Judith, they were described so well. Their union as sibilings was strong and deep, and it is not something that you always get when the characters aren't of the same gender. As someone with such a strong relationship with my older brother finding something remotely similar on paper hit me super hard. Unfortunately many books and movies have these siblings who often feel very unreal, but with very simple scenes this book did an amazing job. I have connected with it very strongly, and I am so happy I finally found a simple yet well done portrayal of it. One last thing I have loved about the writing, then I'll stop cause I am ranting, I know, was the description of simple acts and feelings that everyone has had. All throughout the book there were these passages I read and it blew my mind cause they were really simple things that no matter what everyone has felt and they worked perfectly. I will explain myself better with an example. At the very beginning there is description of falling as a kid and hurting your knees, and then feeling that pain pulsing with the rithim of your heartbeat. Very simple concept, perfectly put into words, and it felt so real it got me into the story without any struggle.

At this point I am just rambling so I'll stop, I clearly loved the book, and I recommend it so much. It was an amazing journey and I cannot wait to read it all over again. One of the best things I have read lately.

[amphxtrite]

cedric diggory x fem!reader

part two: Dreamiest Boy in School.

warnings: smut, shower sex, swearing, oral (female receiving), masturbation.

If you are not comfortable please do not read.

summary: Cedric’s been in love with you for years. What will he do when he catches the reader moaning his name after a quidditch game in the prefect’s bathroom. Fluff at the end.

a/n: characters are 18+ and it is fully consensual.

word count: 4.2k

enjoy<3

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Cedric first met you in his fifth year when he’d first been appointed captain of the hufflepuff team, it was your first time trying out despite also being in your fifth, but it was no secret that it wasn’t your first time on the pitch. You were a natural, blocking quaffles with ease, letting none enter the goal. Your movements were smooth, elegant, but forceful, effectively getting the job done, but truly showing off the art of flying. Cedric had to forcibly pinch himself after you touched down. 

Today was a rough game against gryffindor, It went on much longer than it needed to with Ms. Pink Toad calling random people from the pitch and ‘hem hemming’ every time someone managed to score a goal. When Cedric had eventually caught the snitch, he had to deal with a ten minute long speech from Umbridge speaking of his bravery and strength, he cut it short after she began to run her hands over his face.

Now came Cedric’s favourite part of the game, his friends had already congratulated him on the win, but he was close by you and your friends as you touched down from the goal post. You were distributing high-fives to everyone, even throwing Cedric a quick thumbs up before running to your gym bag and taking a long sip from your water bottle. Here it comes, your pupils glance from side to side, scanning the area before grabbing the hem of your jersey to dab at the sweat running down your face. No one on the team cared you did this, but you still felt weird randomly pulling your jersey up to clean off your face. You did this after every practice and game, and although he didn’t mean to intrude Cedric found himself gazing at you often.

Cedric takes his bottom lip into his teeth as he looks to the grass beneath him, his thoughts running wild. He pictures what it would be like if he was the one pulling at your shirt, slowly pushing it up your gorgeous body as you beg him to take it off, rolling your hips desperately against his. The seeker’s pants were starting to get a little more constricting at the thought.

Ever since his first time seeing you at the pitch, he’d find himself thinking of you this way a lot. His name spilling from your lips, mouth agape, legs quivering. It kept him awake often, thinking about you. Imagining the feeling of your lips pressed to his as he rocked his hips in and out of you. He didn’t appreciate the sinful thoughts encasing his mind every time he saw you, it drove him insane. Any time you licked your lips, shook out your hair, smirked or even simply laughed, he’d have to excuse himself to rid of the heat from his face.

It was even worse the two of you had become close friends in the last two years, you were the person to help and train him for the triwizard tournament, working out with him often and supporting him through his challenges, also being his unofficial ‘date’ to the ball. You pushed him well, preparing him for the physical challenges that lay ahead in the contest, but only having his crush grow as you worked by his side and hugged him good luck. After he won, you were one of the first people he went to after his father. You had jumped into his arms and held him tight as he recounted the story of how Voldemort had stunned him and Harry had saved his life. Upon finishing  the story, you had kissed him on the cheek and whispered.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I’d do if you were gone.”

He knew then that he was never going to let you go.

Cedric did his best to put your friendship first, reminding himself of your platonic status and your great history. He couldn’t jeopardize it all, even if he fancied you. Running himself a cold shower after stripping down his robes in the prefect’s bathroom, he tries to place his thoughts in a different headspace. He ignores his surroundings as he tries to rid himself of the dirty images, letting the cold water stream onto his face. It was practically useless, his mind drifted back to your lips pulled between your teeth or how your lips felt against his cheek after each hit of cold water. With one small thought, his arousal and need grows.

Sighing quietly and shutting the tap off, the hufflepuff head boy wraps a towel around his waist as he picks up his bag to begin getting changed. Halfway to zip open his bag, he can hear a shaky voice calling, not to far away.

“Oh f-fuck Ced.” 

Body immediately going rigid, the wide-eyed boy regains his train of thought and remembering where he is, glancing around the showers. The voice was so familiar, close.

So... dream-like. Sifting through his memories to match the voice, he thinks of people close to him that were also prefects or head girls, the only person to came to mind was you, but that was impossible. What were you doing saying his name so beautifully.

“Faster, please.” The voice rang out again in a softer mewl. The brunette’s cheeks light on fire as the voice finally registers in his ears, no doubt it was your soft cry. Despite his better judgment, Cedric needed to check this out. To make sure he wasn’t just imagining your voice begging for him.

As he approaches the shower he hears the voice from, he can hear a heavy pant and a shower getting louder. Standing before the closed curtain. His hand hovering over top the thin material, he mentally debates this, perhaps he was wrong. He might’ve misheard, and the he’d be barging in on a random girl. Pulling his hand away he turn to leave, but another moan perks his attention.

“F-fuck Cedric, I-I’m gonna c-cum.” A quivering whimper, cries his name again.

He’d heard you say his name about a million times, cheering him on, talking to him, laughing out his name. That was you inside, about to cum to his image.

Not able to take it anymore and he rips open the shower curtain, his cock springing up under the towel and pure desire taking over his senses. There you were, damp hair streaming down your shoulders, leaning against a wall with one hand on your breast and the other deep between your legs, pushing in and out at a rapid pace, practically sobbing for release.

“Are you masturbating?”

You barely register the soft question, but as your eyes open they instantly flash with horror and you immediately pull your hands away from your body, meeting gazes with a wide-eyed Cedric. A flood of embarrassment consumes you, he must have heard you. Merlin, you felt disgusting.

“Oh my gosh Cedric I’m so sorry!” You apologize frantically, rushing to grab your towel and cover yourself as tears of self-consciousness begin to well in your eyes. “I didn’t- I’m so sorry.” You try and push him out of your way, but Cedric will not let you pass, his grey eyes still staring holes into you. Agonizing seconds pass as he simply looks you down, your head swiveling around to look anywhere but his stoic gaze. 

Finally smirks in amusement, Cedric reaches over and takes your chin in between his fingers, forcing your head up to meet his eyes, you ready yourself for a lecture, or maybe screams, but it doesn’t come.

“I like the way you said my name.” Cedric teases, pushing you back into the running shower.

“Hands between your thighs and on your breast, were you thinking about this?” Cedric purrs, pushing you against the smooth wall and pressing his chest against yours, slowly rocking his hard on against your sensitive clit with the rough towel around his waist. 

“Imagining me taking you in the shower, fucking you against the wall and whispering dirty thoughts into your ear?” He continues in a low voice, continuing the gentle rock of his hips.

Your mouth drops open at Cedric’s reaction and the waves of pleasure clouding your senses. “Answer me.” Cedric growls, pushing harder against you and encasing you in his arms, his elbows by your head and his forearms against the wall. “Y-yes, I-I was.” your soft voice breathes out. “Yes, who?” Cedric grins, his eyes growing dark with lust as he watches you writhe beneath him. “Yes Cedric.” You moan as the toned hufflepuff continues to roll his hips slowly, an approving smirk spreading on his lips. 

 “You don’t know how long I’ve wished to do this love.” Cedric begins to nip at your neck, sucking and kissing around until he finds the spot that makes your breath hitch. You bite your lip to suppress the upcoming moan.

“Stop.” Cedric’s needy voice growls at you. “The only one who’ll be biting those lips is me.” He states, desire lacing every word.

Roughly pushing his lips against yours in a heated kiss, his warm tongue swirls around your mouth, drinking in your intoxicating taste and gliding his rough fingertips up and down your body, memorizing every curve before coming to rest on your hips. Your teeth clash, pleasure and heat travel to your core, fueling your arousal as a hard member prods at you from under Cedric’s dangerously low towel. 

“Besides, I want the whole castle to know you’re mine.” The grey-eyed hufflepuff bucks his hips into yours again making you squirm. “C-Cedric!” You cry out, wrapping your arms around his muscular shoulders and digging your nails into your champion’s back, the steam in the shower clouds your perception even more, all you could sense was Cedric’s body against yours, every muscle every scar. Cedric’s teasing lips pull up again as you begin to ramble.

“I-I need you.” you beg nervously, grinding your hips against the soaked material of Cedric’s towel.

“Would you like my fingers or my tongue love.” Cedric’s cool digits brush the inside of your thighs, you nearly jump at the feeling. “Both.” You manage to whimper out as Cedric’s hard stare bores into you.

“Dirty girl.” He smirks teasingly, his voice smooth as satin and dark as sin. “Beg for it.”

You could feel your arousal growing at Cedric’s words. You’d never seen him as the type to wish his partner to beg, but Merlin you weren’t complaining.

“Please Cedric, I need you. You make me feel so fucking good, please don’t stop, let the whole castle know who I belong to.” 

Your champion’s eyes go from a piercing grey to almost black as lust and arousal course through his veins. He slowly lowers himself to the ground, pressing kisses all the way down to where you needed him most. Cedric takes his time spreading your legs apart and kissing up your inner thighs and blowing on your clit, sending shockwaves up your trembling form. He looks back up at you as he leans forwards and licks a stripe through your folds and begins to swirl his tongue around your clit. Your thoughts run cold, all that consumes your mind was the ecstasy running through your veins, Cedric flicking his tongue around your sex, fucking you with his tongue and lapping hungrily at your sweet juices.

“Oh fuck Cedric, please don’t stop.” Your mewling voice begs needlingly, breathing heavily to keep yourself from falling over. 

Cedric smiles into you and slowly teases his fingers around your entrance, tracing along the edge of your slit before sinking two long digits into your wetness. spots flash in front of your eyes as your head falls back against the wall. Cedric pulls and pushes his fingers in and out of you at a quick pace, twisting them around and bending slightly as your walls grow tighter around him. He uses his body to keep your legs from doubling over in pleasure and continues to ravage you with both his tongue and fingers. flicking and sucking at your bundle of nerves while thrusting his fingers in and out of your core. A familiar knot begins to form and you dig your hand into Cedric’s damp hair, pulling him closer to you and desperately rocking your hips against his face, desperate for any more friction he could give you. Cedric chuckles at your moaning form. Sending even more delicious vibrations to your sensitive clit, as moans mix with longing cries of your lover’s name. Cedric pulls his mouth away, bringing himself to a standing position, still burying his fingers in you, replacing his tongue with his calloused thumb to massage your throbbing bundle of nerves.

“You don’t know what you do to me darling. How does it make you feel that you give me a hard-on every time you lift that shirt up to wipe your face? Every time you bite that gorgeous lip, or flip your hair you’d have me wanting to bend you over and fuck you senseless.”

You try and respond, but the pleasure Cedric was giving to you was all your mind could take. The sound of his fingers pounding into your wet core and Cedric’s deep pants were driving you insane. You can only moan in response and crash your lips against his again. You can taste yourself as Cedric dips his tongue against yours, nibbling on your lip and picking up his pace with his fingers. A familiar knot forms in your abdomen and you have to pull away from Cedric’s lips to moan and arch your back even more, you can feel your walls clenching tighter against the rough fingers pounding in and out of you.

All at once the knot snaps and waves upon waves of euphoria washes over you and consuming your vision in white. Crying out Cedric’s name over and over again, the brunette helps you ride out your high, continuing to pulse his fingers in your clenching hole and kneeling down again to lap up your juices as you moan out and rock your hips gently, Cedric’s cock begins to twitch like mad watching he waves of cum spill from your core, but he takes his time, savoring every drop of your sex.

Cedric is practically beaming with pride as he stands again, holding the back of your head in his large hand. 

“So sweet love.” He smirks, wiping a drop of your cum off of his bottom lip with his thumb and licking it off slowly, keeping direct eye contact with you. Your face was red, your legs quivering, and deep breaths sounding from your lips.

“I’m not done with you yet darling.” Cedric drops the towel from his waist and boxes you in his arms again.

“You won’t be able to walk when I’m through with you.” The toned seeker teases in a dark voice.

Feeling his length against your stomach you bite back a moan, fuck he was big. You were unsure what to do, but taking his twitching cock into your hand, you pump his length experimentally, receiving a soft moan in return. Picking up the pace, you spread the precum on his tip as a lubricant. Working your hand against him, he reconnects your lips, a soft whimper flowing from Cedric’s lips. You keep using your hand to pleasure your champion, but Cedric can’t take it anymore.

“I need to be inside of you darling.” Cedric rasps, reluctantly pulling your hand from his throbbing tip and wrapping his arms around you.

“jump.”

Without hesitation you leap up and wrap your legs around Cedric’s hips and he presses you against the wall for support.

“Ready Love?” Cedric smirks, his hands squeezing your ass and cock teasing your soft folds.

“Shut up and take me Diggory.”

Cedric wastes no time sinking into you, slowly at first, letting you adjust to his thick shaft, small grunts sounding from your lips as Cedric sink deeper.

“You’re taking me so well darling, f-fuck.” Cedric groans, sticking his head in the crook of your neck, nibbling on your sensitive skin and squeezing your hips.

Tears prick in your eyes as Cedric bottoms out in you, burying your hand in his wet brown curls you whimper at the feeling of being so full.

After a couple moments the pain turns to pleasure and you shimmy around motioning to Cedric it’s okay to move. The brunette begins to thrust in and out of you, slow at first, but soon finding a rhythm, pulling in and out of you in a quick pace, thrusting out to almost his tip before burying himself to the hilt inside you once again.

“Faster Cedric.” your pleading voice gasps and pleads.

Cedric obliges, snapping his hips back and forth to the point you see spots in your vision and you’re dragging your nails down your champions back. Cedric frantically presses his lips against yours again as he groans loudly. You swallow the moan in the kiss and cup your hands around Cedric’s defined jawline, pulling him closer and clenching your core in surprise as he pushes his thumb to your clit.

Your reaction pulls another breathy moan from Cedric, but his thrusts don’t stop. He continues to pound into you, his desire out weighing any tiredness that should’ve been.

Your loud moans only egg him on further. Your sinful, desperate pleas for more drive him insane. Arching your back and rolling your hips, Cedric pounds even further into you.

“Fuck Cedric, right there.” Your loud beg cries out and Cedric smirks, slamming his hips into your spot over and over again. Screams of pleasure and sighs of satisfaction fill the air. Wet sounds of skin on skin ring throughout the large bathroom as Cedric sinks deep into you with each needy thrust.

Parting your lips, another choked moan is pulled from your lips and your vision goes blank once again as your coil snaps and your grip tightens on Cedric. Your champion doesn’t stop, his thrusts are still merciless and needy, but as your slit clenches his cock in a tight hold, his thrust becomes lazier and he can feel his release coming soon.

“You make me feel so good Ced, I’ve had my hand in between my legs thinking about this for so long, o-oh fuck.” You moan in a teasing voice against the brunettes ear. You can feel Cedric’s upper body go rigid as he uses the last of his strength to snap his hips into yours like his life depended on it. Your dirty talk making him imagine your naked body lying on your bed, moaning out his name, probably only a hallway away from him. Years of lust and love fuel his next thrusts. Every time he’d painfully gotten hard because of you, every time he imagined you underneath him and making you scream his name in ecstasy was all coming true and groaning your name into the crook of your neck he snaps his hips in a desperate thrust one more time before releasing all over your tight walls, his body pulsing in euphoria sending shockwaves of pleasure through his entire being.

Your eyes roll back and your legs jolt at his powerful stream, thanking Merlin you had taken the potion to help with cramps not too long ago. You begin to roll your hips lazily to help Cedric ride out his orgasm, your core practically numb with pleasure and your entire body exhausted. Cedric is panting heavily, his hand buried in your hair and his other still supports your body. He gives your bum a small squeeze, your body still against the wall and his still pressed to yours in support, letting the warm water from the tap relax your tired muscles and wash the proof of your pleasures off of your legs, while still intimately connected.

Cedric smiles as he looks deep into your eyes, still panting heavily, but now with nervousness and a slight anxiety. He couldn’t keep his true feelings from you any longer.

“You know I love you right?” The hufflepuff head boy confesses, running a hand down the side of your face.

“I’d hope so, considering you just fucked me senseless.” You giggle and wrap your arms around Cedric’s toned shoulders. 

Your giggle dies down to a grin and a pink blush makes it’s way onto your face as you look down to see the two of you still connected

“I love you too.” You smile earnestly, a smile playing on your lips and you press a kiss to Cedric’s pink cheek. “I’ve loved you since those days in fifth year when I trained with you, you don’t know how relieved I was you survived, and with Umbridge around I thought I might never get the chance to confess.” Your emotions come through and Cedric has to blink the pure happiness from his eyes to respond.

“I’ve loved you since the moment you came rushing into my arms after the maze, I had a crush on you before, but i’ll never forget when you said those words, I knew I’d never let you go.” Cedric’s smile falters a bit as your stare drops to his lips.

“C-can I kiss you?” His face grows closer to yours.

“Didn’t ask for permission while you were cumming in me.” You tease, peppering kisses all around Cedric’s handsome features as his face grows hot in embarrassment.

“I-Is that a yes?” He murmurs hopefully, your soft lips trailing down his jawline.

You smile and press a kiss to the corner of Cedric’s mouth.

“As long as I can be your girl.” You giggle.

Cedric immediately pushes his lips to yours in a more delicate, but wanting kiss. Taking his time now to show you his adoration and care for you. The sounds of your lips molding together sounding through the large shower. Cedric runs his tongue through your mouth again, slowly this time, sighing at the taste of your after-game drink and the light taste of strawberry chap stick that remained on the inside your lips, begging to be found and appreciated.

As Cedric continues to ravage your mouth you run your hands up and down his chest and abs, taking deep breaths of his autumn like scent. Campfire, vanilla and honey were the most prominent, while his aftershave also offered a sharp, wood like smell.

“I love you y/n, so much. It would be an honor to have you as my girl.” Cedric sighs against your lips, placing one final peck before pulling away and grinning like a little kid. A smile begins to form on your face.

“Hey, did you think you could, you know.” You awkwardly motion down towards where you were still intertwined. “My legs are kid of sore.” Cedric’s eyes widen in realization and he nods frantically, apologies spilling from his lips as he slowly pulls out of you with a small ‘pop.’ Cedric lowers your feet to the ground and begins to back up, but the sudden weight removed from your body made your legs forget how to move and you crash into Cedric’s chest again.

Your legs felt numb and you couldn’t get them to move properly without falling. Cedric does his best to hide his pride as your lips pull into a frown, but a small smirk emerges as he bites his lip to stop it. He glances down and also notices the small purple love bites littering your neck and he almost beams.

“I hope you’re happy with yourself Ced, I can’t walk.” You roll your eyes at his useless attempt to stop his smile.

“I am, and I must say you look absolutely ravishing sporting my love bites darling.” He grins darkly, but a light chuckle breaks free.

“Alright let’s get you dressed, come on.” Cedric turns the tap off before leaning over again and catching your legs in his arms, carrying you bridal style out of shower, grabbing your towel and gym bag on the way out.

Placing you down on a bench, he grabs his own fluffy, white towel from his bag. Using it to pat your hair and body dry, making sure to get every inch of your body, and being careful around your intimate parts as you winced often. Grabbing another school-provided towel, he pats his upper-body dry before tying the cloth around his waist. Shaking out his damp hair, he grabs your bag and places it next to you.

“Do you think you can do it yourself darling?” His voice is filled with concern, but you nod and zip open your bag. Cedric turns to his own clothes and after tugging on a pair of boxers and sweatpants, wipes his hair dry before throwing on a t-shirt.

He turns to see you in a black sports bra, tugging on a pair of black tights, but unable to get them up your bum. Cedric smirks, walking over to you and pulling you up, holding you against him as a support while you finally get the leggings on. He sits you back down before pulling a jumper out of his bag and slipping it over your head.

The sweater seems to swallow you whole and it takes a moment to find the holes for your arms. You thank Cedric and sigh at being engulfed in Cedric’s sweet scent, pulling the jumper over your nose and smiling in content.

“You look better in my clothes than I do.” Cedric smirks happily, pulling you up again and interlocking your hands.

“Well in that case I guess I’ll keep it.” You grin, slipping on your sneakers and following Cedric out the prefect bathroom to the best of your abilities, having to stop often due to the aftershock of Cedric’s desperate pounding. Finally resorting to Cedric carrying you once again. Thankfully Dolores and her goons seemed to be missing from the scene.

Finally making it back to the hufflepuff common room, Cedric sneaks you into his dorm and closes the canopy around his four poster bed. Breathing out in content, The head boy cuddles you into his chest and wraps his arms around your torso.

“Can’t believe you’re actually here on my bed with me, I’ve only dreamt of this.” Cedric murmurs giddily, leaning down to press a quick kiss to your nose.

You snake your arms around Cedric’s broad chest and cuddle closer to him.

“I’m never letting you go, you know that.” Your champion teases, kissing your hairline.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You reassure, closing your eyes tiredly and slowly drifting off, exhaustion from the day's activities getting to you.

Cedric peers down at you a happy smile resting on his lips as he too yawns and relaxes into his pillow. This day couldn’t have gone any better. He won the game, fucked you in the shower and now he’s cuddling you in his bed. His blush reappears onto his cheeks as your breathy moans engrave themselves into his brain, but pride takes over as he reminds himself it was him who made you moan like that. Peppering kisses on your forehead he finally closes his eyes and replays your evening with a small smirk.

This is my first time writing smut so tips would be appreciated!

[bl00dgutsgl0ry]

A Childhood Promise

Pairing - Childe/Tartaglia/Ajax x Reader

Warnings - None I don’t think

Word Count - 2.5k

Other Comments - I hate posting on Tumblr I’m not gonna lie to you guys. Trying to get this shit to post has been so hard. Please I just want a crumb of recognition tumblr. Let people see my posts.

      Life used to be so simple when you were younger. You had a lovely close knit family, you went to a great school, you had great friends. All around you were a happy little kid. The best thing you will ever remember from your childhood was your best friend Ajax. Everything was so simple.

Ajax was the poster child of a “perfect kid”. He was well liked by his teachers and peers, he had superb grades, he was becoming a young prodigy in his combat class, and above all, he was your all time best friend. You two were inseparable ever since you had met when your parents had all gotten to know each other once at an event.

     No one ever really saw one of you without the other, and if they ever did come across such a sight, it would never last long. You two also almost went through the entirety of school being in the same class, and if you weren’t, Ajax would always find a way to catch you right as you were being dismissed. You two had the most innocent yet cliché childhood friendship, as you two played with each other or hung out day after day.

     “One day (y/n) I’m going to marry you! I promise!” Ajax enveloped you in a hug as the two of you giggled.

     This lasted for quite some time, that was until Ajax had turned eighteen. His combat skills had skyrocketed since his adolescent classes and competitive matches. Combat came like second nature to him, and that didn’t go by unnoticed. Very quickly Ajax got an offer for a job, one that he would never tell you details about. You remember the shock that enveloped you when Ajax excitedly spouted the good news to you.

     You didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. You wanted to be happy for your childhood friend because this was an amazing offer for him, and an incredible opportunity to keep growing. But on the other hand you wanted to be sad because you knew you would see him less and less as time went on, not only that but you were still just so uncertain about this job. Ajax never withheld information about what was going on in his life until now; what if he got himself into something awful? Nonetheless you quickly plastered a shocked and excited expression on your face, as you rambled different forms of congrats and praise for being so good. Before Ajax left to go back to his home you gave him the tightest hugged and made him promise to stay close. Ajax was floored that you valued your friendship with him so much you would make him promise something he would never give up.

     Time had passed and you noticed yourselves slowly drifting apart. It went from calling each other less, to only texting, then to texting less until you guys barely talked. You understood Ajax was busy, but it still stung seeing you what you thought would’ve been your life long friend slowly forget about you. That was until you had received something in the mail with a very familiar name on it. Ajax.

     A small black box containing what looked to be a hand made scrappily hammered ring along with a letter at the bottom landed on your desk in your bedroom, assuming one of your parents must’ve dropped it off in there. All doubts about Ajax in your mind had been eased as you delicately slid the heavy polished ring on your finger. After you did you giggled in excitement as a delicate pink blush found its way to the tops of your cheeks and ears. You had almost forgotten about the note neatly folded, awaiting to be opened and it’s contents to be discovered.

      You gently unfolded the letter, almost scared that you’d rip it. Inside was the most beautifully written borderline love letter you had ever read, it was almost like romantic poetry, and at the very end was a sentence you wanted to burn into your memory ‘remember that promise?’. Your mind was immediately flooded with all the fond memories you had with Ajax, blushing more and more as you uncovered them. By the end of your daydream session butterflies were fluttering around excitedly in your stomach. You didn’t want to be friends with Ajax anymore. You wanted to love him.

     It had been years since you last heard from him. Not a day has gone by that you haven’t worn the ring Ajax had given you so long ago. You moved away from Snezhnaya after you turned eighteen, now residing in Mondstadt whilst you were going to college; you planned to move back after getting your degree but you made some great friends and the carefree culture of the windy city really called to you. Though after one of your parents' health took a turn for the worst you had made quick plans to go visit with your family.

     It had felt like ages since you last stepped foot out into the familiar icy air, looking around to see the sheets of snow and ice covering the ground. Luckily the streets were plowed, which allowed you to maneuver through the city. Your visit has been great since setting foot in your childhood home. You were happy to be home for the time being, happy to relive the nostalgic moments of your younger days. Everything had changed so much since then. You had barely even thought about Snezhnaya or even Ajax for that matter despite wearing his ring every day, wanting to start fresh when you left for college.

      You suddenly realized you had let your head drop accidentally dozing off, jerking yourself out of melancholy memories. You decided it was probably jet lag, but it was far too early to go to sleep so coffee sounded like a good solution. You remembered an old coffee shop you used to study at whilst you were in high school, that was conveniently within walking distance to your house. With a quick five minute walk to the outdoor shops that littered the local streets you lived by, you located the coffee shop taking a minute to stare at the outside. It hadn’t changed at all.

     Smiling to yourself you walked in and politely ordered a coffee before sitting down at a high table by the window. The stand for the table had a heater built in, keeping you warm as you looked out the thin glass shielding you from the icy winds. You took in the old streets, smiling as you once again lost yourself in the nostalgia of everything. You hadn’t noticed a strikingly tall ginger walk into the shop, and you also hadn’t noticed the considerably loud gasp and call of your name. You only noticed the man's presence when he tapped on your table, causing you to jolt and promptly turn in his directly. It took you a minute to realize who you were staring at.

     “(Y/n)? What the hell are you doing here?” Ajax. There he stood, at the side of you bent over at the hips slightly so he wasn’t completely towering over you. Ajax didn’t want to see you here. He didn’t want to see you at all. You were still fresh in his mind just like you were the last day he had seen you. He missed you. His eyes fell to your hand where he saw the ring he had made and sent to you still on your finger after all these years.

     Your face was almost unrecognizable after all the time that passed, you had grown so much since then. Something unsettled Ajax about your demeanor, you were like an open book to him when you guys were younger as you wore your heart on your sleeve. Looking at you now though, there was no glimpse at the emotions you were feeling in this moment. Were you happy to see him again, since you wore his ring? Were you upset with him breaking his promise? Ajax couldn’t tell as you stared blankly at him for what seemed like ages, giving it enough time to make the air solidify and turn stale and uncomfortable. You finally shook yourself out of this trance you were in, as you suddenly stood up.

     “Wha- Hey, wait a minute (y/n)! What are you doing here?” You didn’t acknowledge Ajax’s voice, subliminally yearning to fall into his strong arms. You were upset. How dare he ask you what you’re doing here. You weren’t the one who had completely abandoned everyone in your life for some sketchy job. You grabbed your coffee before swiftly beginning to exit. Something in Ajax was different. He didn’t really take kindly to you ignoring him, as you felt a vice like grip grab onto your wrist, causing you to flinch and whip around to angrily rip your arm out of his grasp.

     “Don’t touch me Ajax! How dare you have the audacity to ask me what I’m doing here! This was my home! I didn’t abandon everyone I knew and loved on some sketchy ass whim!” Ajax stared at you. Were you joking?! Some ‘sketchy ass whim’?! You supported him when he first told you!

     “What the hell is wrong with you (y/n)?!” Your eyes narrowed as you grit your teeth, you grip on your coffee tightening. Without even thinking you threw it in his face.

     “What’s wrong with me?! You’re so fucked up Ajax! We were best friends and then you completely vanish from reality! You promised me we would stay close!” Now it was time for Ajax to grit his teeth. So you were upset with him about that.

     “(Y/n) that was years ago!! We grew up! That was just a stupid childish promise!” As soon as those words left Ajax’s mouth, he went silent as his eyes widened in horror at his on voice. The entire coffee shop was silent as they all watched your argument break out. Ajax didn’t mean to say that, he knew he had fucked up his promise with you and he hated himself for it; he just didn’t know how to explain what he was doing without scaring you off or pushing you away. Turns out he was already doing that by vanishing. He wanted you to forget about him, he knew that when he took the job to join the Fatui and serve the Tsaritsa he would never be able to give you what you deserved. A normal and happy relationship. Ajax was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a sniff and realized you were beginning to cry.

     “Ah… So that’s what it was. Just a way to get me to get off your back. I suppose the ring served the same purpose? Whatever Ajax, you’ve changed and I don’t ever wanna see you again.” You quickly ripped the ring off before throwing it in the trash as you stormed out, trying not to audibly cry, as you had already embarrassed yourself enough in that shop. Ajax stood statuesque still. Holy shit he had made everything so much worse. He sighed before snapping out of his position to grab some napkins, to hopefully dry himself off before venturing back outside. He had to fix this.

     It had been a couple days since your argument with Ajax and you were in shambles. This could not have come at a worse time. You were just happy that this Gods awful trip was coming to an end soon. You sighed as you flipped onto your back in your childhood bedroom, trying to reminisce on the old memories you had here, but all of them had gotten tainted by Ajax. He had ruined everything for you. You regretted everything with him, with getting so close to him. Tears had started to well up in your eyes but you quickly blinked them away before they had gotten the chance to fall. You hadn’t noticed before, but there was this weird tapping sound coming from your window; which caused you to anxiously investigate. You pulled your curtains back to be greeted with Ajax, who looked at you sheepishly. You blankly stared at him for a moment before closing the curtains and going back to lay on your bed, trying your hardest to ignore Ajax’s protests and calls of your name. After a while everything had gone silent, until your door opened and Ajax emerged one again.

     “Uh… I’m sorry about coming into your room uninvited but one of your parents called me inside and said I could just come in. In hindsight I probably should’ve knocked before coming in and-”

     “What the hell do you want Ajax.” You cut off the young man's babbling without looking at him, you were on your side laying down on your bed with your back facing him.

     “I wanted to make everything up to you. I want to explain everything and I want to tell you about my job finally.” Ajax was hopeful that you would allow him the opportunity to explain himself.

     “No. Now get out of my house.” Ajax’s heart sunk. No… No no no you had to let him explain himself, he needed to explain. He needed you.

     “Please (y/n) I know you don’t owe me anything, not even your time, but please I owe you this.” You sighed, before slowly sitting up and facing him finally. You stared at him for a moment before speaking.

     “Fine. But you have two minutes, so you better speak quickly.” Ajax’s heart fluttered. He spent those two minutes exactly, explaining everything that happened. You were silent for the most part, staring at your hand and you fiddled with your fingers. Ajax waited anxiously for your response. When you didn’t give him anything he took this as a sign to move onto faze two of his apology. For the last couple of days he had been running all over Snezhnaya spending preposterous amounts of mora. He had presented you with flowers and food; but above all he presented you with a ring.

     “That is one promise that I am going to keep true. Please (y/n) forgive me and make me the happiest man in the world and marry me.” You stared at him with large eyes and Ajax took a hold of one of your hands and gently slid the beautiful ring onto your ring finger. Tears once again began to well up in your eyes, and suddenly your arms were wrapped around his torso as you cried into his chest. You missed this. He still felt the same way he did when you hugged him last, he even smelled the same.

     “Is that… A yes?” You nodded furiously, face still buried deep in his chest. You were willing to forgive him, but above all, you were willing to love him again.

[samplingmoonsters]

You response made me feel so wholesome! I feel so warm inside (i hope that's not weird to say) I was actually realy nervous about sending my ask.

The next chapter of man say hello sounds realy exiting! I already know it's going to be a joy to read.

You are actually the person that made me interested in reading stories that heavily feature second-hand embarrassment. I always though they were too embarrassing to read. But the feeling enhances your works.

It made me crave for more fics like yours. I don't know if you read slashes and ampersands by jirolicious but it realy reminds me for your writting! Top notch utilization of cringe

I'm sad to hear you had difficulties in the fandom. I tend to stay at the outskirts of most fandoms im in but i have heard the dsmp fandom can be an especially difficult environment.

It must be especially hard to deal with as a creator. In a fandom filled with young people that are in their first fan comunity and twitter puritans being a nsfw artist must be hell.

But your works really touched me, and I'm sure they touched others as well.

When i saw that English is not your first language under one of your fics it made me so motivated to work on my own stories. It's also my second language and i often worry that the fact I'm not a native speaker may be holding me back.

I'm the most comfortable writting in English but i worry i word things poorly. And reading your stories made me feel so secure. You write so beautifully.

Your works made me laugh, and the way you write second-hand embarrassment is so good i often have to put my phone down because i felt it so strongly.

It makes me think i can create too, and you also being a visual artist shows me i don't have to choose between the two crafts i love the most.

I hope you experience as much joy from creating as i do from experiencing your work.

Sincerely,

dust-anon

(I hope the essay long asks aren't coming off as creepy, i just have so many words in my head)

Hello dust-anon!! Sorry for the late reply! I've been busy as always haha! I read your message before going to an oral exam, it really gave me strength and confidence, and the feeling of being part of a community scattered around the world but still sharing a close kinship of some kind. Thank you again for your kind words!

Please don't worry about sounding creepy or off putting! I really value communication with my readers and I never found any of you creepy! It doesn't matter if people just ramble their ideas to me or write me a heartfelt message, I appreciate everyone's words :)

I'm happy to hear that u are looking forward to the next chapter! If it's done right, second-hand embarrassment can be weaponized perfectly to create an exciting chapter! Sadly I didn't read Jirolicious' story yet! But I will keep it in mind, and will make sure to check it out when I have the time 👏

About the whole twt drama and co... It's been somewhat annoying not gonna lie. As u said, it's the first fandom for many people and they don't know or care about the "fandom rules". I never have been in a fandom where there has been so much drama. Before this fandom I've also been more of a lurker, I'm not used to being in the spotlight like this. Kinda miss just being an unknown anon like u sometimes. But I guess I would have never met all those amazing people if I didn't have the courage to post my art and writing so I don't regret being here.

And I hope you also find the courage to post your stories or art! Create what makes you happy! There is no need to be bound to just one medium, spread your wings and try different things!

Thank you for praising my English! Yours is also very good from what I could tell through our messages :) Don't feel discouraged to write just because English is your second language!

Keep your head up and I hope we will talk again sometime! I wish you all the best! :) <3

[cosmiclatte28]

Dream a Dream (Renjun x you)

a/n: Hello! It’s been a while, but happy new year! Sorry for not updating any stories, as I mentioned in previous post I have several stories stuck because of home works and a busy week. 

So, here marks my first oneshot of Renjun and first oneshot after the Christmas project! Without further delay, here we go!

Warning : angst but of course it ends beautifully   you can also see I am simping Renjun now :D 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 

For the second time, you sigh and look into your brother’s eyes trying to find help. The dining room suddenly feels so suffocating and you try to cower yourself to feel smaller in this room. Across you is your brother, Jeno, and on his right is your father beside you sit your mother.

“I have told you, you are not going to Japan, not to study there.” Your mother continues her rambling. It is dinner, but she doesn’t seem to care. The atmosphere is ruined, for you, to enjoy the heartful dinner.

You want to backlash at her words, saying that no matter what she says, you will find a way to get that scholarship offer and fly to the Rising Sun country to pursue a degree. However, you know better to be quiet now if you still want to try and coax her tomorrow.

Earlier you were saying that your application to your dream university in Japan is accepted, Jeno was delighted when he heard this but your happiness come to an end right the second your mother went into your room and snatch the acceptance letter. Her eyes widened and the next thing you know, she stormed out of the room with a hard look on her face.

When your father arrives home, everyone is seated in their chairs and mother decided to talk about the acceptance letter and how you are not allowed to go.

“I’ve told you (y/n), you are my only daughter and I do not want to lose my only daughter.” She at first calmly says this. Then she continues “Didn’t I tell you already that you’re beautiful, pretty, charming, and those traits are enough to ensure you a rich husband that will fulfil your life perfectly.”

Your father doesn’t seem to object nor care, well you believe he is already tired listening the same thing going on for the last three years. Since your freshman year in high school, you’ve been telling your family of your dream to study in Japan, but since day one, your mother objected. Her reason was not because you’re dumb or your family cannot fund the tuition, it’s merely because she believes a daughter shouldn’t live a hard life. Studying and working hard are the responsibilities of the men she said, and women like you just have to find the rich husband, dress nice beside them and be their good companion.

“Mom, I know, but the world has changed. I want to pursue my dream like Jeno hyung.” You politely speak up.

Her grip on the spoon stiffens and she looks into you sternly, “Jeno should earn his degree so he can work successfully and provide good wealth for his family. You darling, I am offering you an easier path and I know just the perfect place to find you the dearest, rich husbands. Now enough of this talk, finish dinner and help me clean up the dishes.”

Jeno kicks your leg under the table to at least send you a signal that he is going to stand on your side. His face shows he is sorry for you, but he knows now is not the right time yet to speak up.

Dinner ended and you help your mom to wash the dishes. Well you do have maids, but they do not stay the night at home. The maids are only here from morning to noon, dinner must be taken care by your mom and you.

“(Y/n), for the sake of god. Stop acting foolish. I’ve seen you sneaking around to extra science classes at school, instead of going to the socialite gathering I signed you up for.” She said in disappointment.  

You sigh, well in your private school for elites there is a silly community where the rich gathers and make bonds, attend weekend parties or social events, and if you’re lucky win one of their hearts and got asked a hand for marriage.

“It’s just a science club, they’re fun and I only go there once a week.” You lie, you go there every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and just pop into the community once in a month.

Your mother chuckles, “You think I am stupid? I know you do not attend the socialite gathering, you always go home to finish a lab report. I mean you being in your room, without any loud voice of the TV nor any sound of you calling anyone means you either read or do something. You don’t read because your books are in the library.”

You curse in your heart, she really is as smart as Sherlock, why can’t she allow you to use your similarly brilliant brain to study rather than prepare to be a good wife.

“I am texting the school’s principal to ban you from that science club, you must attend the community’s events. Also, stop seeing that man from your science club, Huang? Huang Renjun is it? He isn’t as noble as the others, instead I suggest you learn more about that son of NA CORPS, Jaemin.” she wipes her wet hands on the towel and leaves you speechless.

You stand in front of the sink, perplexed that your mother knows everything about your secret. More surprisingly she knows Renjun, now who is spilling the secret here?

You go up to your room and sit on your bed. Your eyes drift to the duffel bag you’ve prepared this week. Your phone rings and you pick it up with a big grin.

“Renjun-a!” you greet him as you fling yourself to the big soft mattress in your lavender room.

There is a soft giggle from the other end, “Hey there princess,” he greets. You blush at the nickname, Renjun has been your best friend since the first day of school. You share a table with him and he shares the same timetable as yours. He is a fun guy with angelic features, blonde hair, and beautiful voice. Both of you love nature and has been in the science club and scout team for three years. This Friday there is a scout camp going on until Sunday and Renjun had helped you sign up for it, since your mother would maybe die if she knows her daughter is not only a science club member but also a scout girl.

“So, are you packed up for Friday?” he asks just in case you need help from him to get supplies.

You shake your head, “No need. Mom actually thought I am going to stay over at Victoria’s house. Well she promised she won’t spill any tea and lie for me as I promise her Jeno’s number.”

Renjun giggles, he knows you will find a way and he has no doubt that 97% of them always work.

“Great then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night luv, take care!” Renjun sends a flying kiss through the phone and you blush at this. He is not your boyfriend, but look at how comfortable he is to flirt around with you.

“Bye bye Injunie,” you squeak and close your phone right in time when the door opens and a wild Jeno appears.

“You’re staying in Victoria’s house?” he asks, apparently your mother told him not to pick you up tomorrow because you’re staying over.

You pull him into your side and glance on the door. “Shh, I lied. Keep it a secret, I’ll be in the mountain tomorrow. So, if there is no signal or bad reception.. please cover up for me.”

Jeno shakes his head, “Cover up? I need to lie again?”

You plead him with your puppy eyes he always lose to, “I’ll accompany you to the cat café next month for the whole week.”

He smiles “Nice, don’t worry I’ll pretend I know what you’re doing.”

You grin “Oh please work on the lie with Victoria, so if mom cross checks you two won’t be caught lying. I have put her name under your contact list.”

Jeno looks surprised, but just shakes his head. “Come here,” He pulls you into his arms and hugs you.

You breathe in and relax your shoulder, “I am sorry for what mom always do to you. I’ll try to talk with her when you’re away. Just take good care of yourself and have fun okay!” he ruffles your hair and kisses your forehead.

“Thank you hyung,” you whisper and detach yourself from him.

The next day, you’re very excited to finally leave behind your problems with mom and just enjoy your freedom in the camping grounds. It’s just near the mountain and the track is not hard. You and Renjun are a part of the officer team, considering the fact that both of you are senior here.

“Need help pitching that tent?” Renjun pops up behind you and you shake your head, “Nah, I’m good, almost done. Why don’t you help the juniors?” you point your chin at a group of struggling kids, well it is not surprising some of them are never raised this way but they have to choose one activity outside subject and the scout activity is always the one with least student. So, those who are late in registering will end up here.

You finish setting up your tent, help the others too and go with the activities. There’s nothing much to do, you just have to prepare dinner with Renjun while the other instructors will lead the troop to explore the areas and learn basic nature things.

You admit Renjun cooks better than you, although his cooking skills are just to the point where it is edible, yours are worse.

“How is this?” Renjun brings a spoonful of the red kimchi stew he is making, and you take a taste test.

Your eyes lighten up, “Hm this is way better than what you always make for me.” He sends you a death glare, but you’re used to it. “Hey at least I am saying something good.” You bump his shoulder and his smile relights.

“Look at the cute couple here, what are you two making this time?” A familiar mischievous voice makes the two of you turn your heads to sigh at the man coming to the cooking area.

“Haechan,” you sigh, “We’re not a couple and what are you doing here? What’s your duty?” you ask as you continue helping Renjun cuts up tofu and onions. Haechan is the most annoying yet dearest friend of yours.

“I am the guarding team, my job is basically in the night with Mark. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you two if you’re going to spend a time alone in the woods.” He winks and you throw him a spoon, that missed but he’s happily running away. Renjun stays quiet somehow after Haechan’s appearance but you don’t really take matter of it. He’s always quiet when he’s focused.

Dinner went amazingly well, all of the tired students enjoy Renjun’s kimchi stew and you’re glad you don’t have to wash the dishes, the students played a game and losing team has to clean up.

The night activity too was like the usual one, where we sit around the bon fire and tell stories. It is dark and now you’re alone with Renjun left by your side. He grabs a guitar someone brought and after taking glance around, Renjun picks the strings and start playing a piece of melody. You lean into his shoulder, something you’ve always done to him and watch as the starry night move above you.

“That is beautiful but why are you playing such a sad song?” you ask Renjun after the pretty angel plucks his last string. You cannot lie listening to a sad song in the night alone with Renjun hurts so much. You suddenly remember the small quarrel with your mom and you feel like you have to tell him this.

“Injun-a, do you know that there’s a lot of thing I want to share with you but sometimes I can’t find the right time to say it.” You avert your gaze away from his soft eyes.

“First and foremost, I am sorry that…” your voice trails off but Renjun stays there to listen, “I am sorry I cannot fulfil our promise to leave for Japan together.” You sigh.

It’s a small promise you made with Renjun on your first month of friendship and since then both of you have been working hard to get good grades and prepare the requirements for entering the university.

Renjun did not look surprised, but he is the best man in covering his feelings. Unlike Renjun who can read you like an open book, you cannot read him at all. He just plays with his fingers and after a while looks into your eyes.

“(y/n), I know it’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, besides we can still figure out a way to fulfil this dream of ours.” He calmly threads your hair.

You shake your head, “It won’t happen Renjun, mom looks final with her decision. I am so sorry you have to leave by yourself.”

The young man chuckles dryly, “If you’re not going, then I won’t too.”

You snap at him, “What do you mean? It is your dream too!”

He nods, “It is my dream, and yours too. Our promise is to achieve our dream together right? So if fate decides to leave one of us behind, screw it I’ll stay.”

You can no longer hold back the tears in your eyes, who are you to deserve him? He really is an angel in disguise, always putting your importance first before his.

“Don’t cry, I am not going anywhere if you’re not there.” Was his last promise before he engulfs you into his warm shoulder and hugs you as the last bits of fire flickers in the dark and went out.

It is dark now, with only the moon shining over both of your face. Your glazy eyes met his and without second thoughts, you bring your lips to seal his. When there is no sign of objections you hold it there, letting Renjun takes over instead. One of his arm makes his way to the nape of your neck, gently pressing your head closer to him so he can devour you. So this unexplainable emotions in your hearts can be set free.

It’s not passionate, it’s rushed, full of hurt emotion, and sadness. You feel pain as you try to remember just how soft his lips are, after this you may never see him again. Renjun finally lets go and under the moonlight you can see him wiping away a tear. Your heart cracks, “Injun-ie,” you bring your thumb to wipe his cheek, but he is faster to hold your wrist in the air.

Your face shows surprise, is he rejecting you? He didn’t wipe his tear. Instead, he asks you a question you never expect him to ask.

“Do you ever love me as someone more than a friend?” his sincere question laced with dreadful pain makes you close your eyes.

“I love you to the point that it hurts Renjun,” you reply in a heartbeat.

He  closes his eyes and forces a sad smile, “Can you just once, tell me you love me?”

You want to ask him what he means by once? You’ll tell him over and over! But since you’re an open book to him, he answers you first before you can even gasp

“I know you’re forbidden to love me, I don’t want you to say that to me. It’s a sacred word prin- I mean (y/n). You should only say that to the person you truly love.” He looks down on his feet. Your heart burns when he refuses to even call you by his nickname.

He’s not dumb, he knows how this society of the rich works. It is always them choosing their daughter and son’s partner. He knows your mother doesn’t like him, merely because she never invites him to any of the tea party or dinner. The school knows that your family had made a promise to Jaemin’s family that if their children are of different gender, they will tie the bond. It’s just wonderful how the whole school, including Renjun, knows but not you.

Yes, you and Jaemin both know nothing. Both parents just try to make it look “natural” by sending their children to the same school, put them in the same group of community, and make them see each other as frequent as possible.

You stop crying and look into his eyes, “Renjun, you say I just have to say that word to the man I really love right?”

He nods, he knows he is dumb for saying that. He should’ve just asked you out to be his before you and Jaemin become a thing, but that will just hurt you and him. And having to hurt more is not something Renjun needs right at this moment.

“I love you Renjun,” you whisper sincerely. This may be the only chance you get to say it out loud to him. And the brilliant boy seizes his moment too, “I love you too, princess.”

You and Renjun stay together for a couple of minutes in silence. Because sometimes silence speaks louder, and emotions are conveyed better. You did not know where tomorrow will bring you, but at least you’re not regretting your decision tonight that being telling your true feelings to the person you love.

end.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ thank you for the supports