#to have value and worth and be deserving of respect and autonomy

[andromeda3116]

finally started reading the murderbot diaries because i kept seeing people talking about it and like. shit. okay, fine. this is my candy. space sci-fi set in a corporation-controlled semi-dystopian future, told from the pov of a snarky asexual part-organic sentient robot who has hacked itself into having free will, interwoven with an anti-capitalist, almost-whodunit plotline, and featuring strong platonic relationships as the emotional core of the series?

like, yes, okay, fine. jeez, next time just @ me

[molsno]

what I've experienced and observed as an asexual trans lesbian is that engaging with certain kinks can be unhealthy and harmful, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.

by and large, most of the people who have "unhealthy" kinks are victims. that is to say, their kink originates from a place of trauma. someone who's experienced sexual abuse in the past, for example, may very well have internalized the idea that they deserved what happened to them. and because escaping that traumatic mindset is incredibly difficult, they may find themselves having sexual fantasies about being abused again long after the danger they were in ceases; to them, it can feel like being sexually abused means they're fulfilling what they believe to be their only purpose. these fantasies can be deeply damaging to a person's self worth, not just because they're blind to their own inherent value as a person, but because they're denying themself any form of sexual agency. they may very well seek out relationships in which they're abused once again. and that is unambiguously harmful! I've certainly seen several people that this has happened to, and it's an incredibly demoralizing and heartbreaking situation to observe and an even more miserable one to be in.

however, that isn't a universal experience. for some people, engaging with their kink with someone can actually be a source of empowerment. let's continue with the previous example. if, instead of seeking out a relationship in which they're sexually abused, they decide to engage in their fantasies with someone who genuinely recognizes their sexual autonomy - someone who they can honestly talk to about their experience, who respects their boundaries, and who communicates with them to establish safeguards to ensure that their consent is never violated - then they may well find a feeling of power over the situation that they didn't have before.

that isn't guaranteed to happen; for some trauma victims, their pain may be too great to replicate, even in a state of significantly reduced danger. some people may try to and discover that it is affecting them in an unhealthy way and stop. and that's okay! their sexual autonomy deserves to be respected. however, others who do engage with it may come out of the experience with a newfound recognition and acceptance of said autonomy. if they know they have the power to make the experience stop any time they feel uncomfortable, they may come to realize and truly believe that they didn't deserve what happened to them, and that they don't have to tolerate anyone who disrespects their boundaries in the future.

it's perfectly fine to not want to see someone's engagement with a particular kink. it can be upsetting for those who have been personally affected by it to witness recreations of it. luckily, in online spaces, there's an easy solution to this problem: you can avoid it by unfollowing or even blocking anyone who posts about it.

I find it troubling that so many people are averse to this idea - particularly because of the way they direct their anger toward trans women. it is a regular occurrence on this website and in fact most online spaces for someone to accuse a trans women (or multiple) of having an "inherently harmful" kink. often, these accusations are made with little to no context or even proof, if they're not simply fabricated outright (which they frequently are). accusing trans women of being sexual predators is one of the oldest forms of transmisogynistic violence you can commit, which is why I find it infuriating that this is such a common tactic in purportedly transfem-supportive communities.

perhaps you might be thinking that engaging in harmful kinks contributes to their normalization. I find this idea laughable, because sexual abuse is already normalized in society - it's baked into its very foundation, in fact. marriage, the nuclear family, christianity, police, the judicial system, and just about everything else was designed to give cishet white men absolute unchecked sexual power over women and children. and while some small advances have been made to chip away at this authority, by and large, these men are still free to perpetrate sexual abuse without facing any consequences.

minorities, on the other hand, have always been and continue to be violently punished for even being accused of sexual abuse. for example, there's a very long history of white women falsely accusing black men of rape with the express purpose of getting them lynched. still today, black people are viewed as hypersexual predators who pose a danger to white women and children for doing things as insignificant and nonsexual as wearing a revealing outfit. trans women are in a very similar position, with our mere existence being nothing more than a fetish to a significant number of tme people. it's no surprise, then, that accusations of sexual predation against us largely focus on the non-normative ways in which we often have sex.

what this inequality often looks like in practice is that cis men are free to browse the step-sister category on pornhub to their heart's content, whereas a trans woman who might, potentially, call her girlfriend her "sister" as a means of recovering from a form of sexual abuse she faced in the past is stalked online by people who believe her to be a physical danger to others, who will then publicize all of the details they can find about her private sex life with the intention of isolating her from what is likely the only community and support network she has. this should be obvious, but a trans woman without any community to accept her is significantly more likely to attempt to commit suicide, making this form of social outcasting a form of violence.

so the question then is, why does this happen? because let's be honest, it's not really about "removing predators from our communities", as much as people like to claim it is. if that were the case, then it wouldn't happen so disproportionately to trans women; the demographics of people accused would be more representative of their actual proportions. the real reason this happens is specifically because of transmisogyny. tme people, even those who are outwardly supportive, harbor internal conceptions of trans women based on stereotypes of us being sexual predators, and they react to our every action with undue scrutiny and vigilance. and because they hold the privilege of being transmisogyny-exempt, they can exert power over us in a way that they can't do to cishet white men by exiling us, knowing full well that they'll be believed by other tme people, even if they have no evidence of actual harm being done.

and that's the metric by which we should actually be judging the validity of claims of sexual predation - whether or not someone was actually harmed. if no one has genuinely been harmed, what good does it do to isolate someone from the only community they may have? that in itself is obviously harmful to the person being exiled, so the question to ask before utilizing it is: will doing so actually prevent more harm from being done unto others?

trans women as a whole are a deeply traumatized demographic. I can almost certainly list off more trans women I personally know who have been raped than who haven't. we are victims, in the vast majority of cases. despite that, we live under a veil of transmisogyny that constantly calls us dangerous degenerate freaks. as a result, some trans women develop coping methods you may find unpalatable. I'm not a very kinky person myself, and a result of me being ace is that a lot of even the most basic and common sexual acts are physically repulsive to me. because of that, I feel uncomfortable when I see people engage in certain kinds of sex and kinks, even if they're fellow trans women. you know what I do in these cases? I just don't follow them. I mind my own business and move on. it's really that easy.

arguing that nobody can engage in certain trauma-based kinks because it can harm them is short-sighted at best and actively dangerous at worst. how can you claim to be a feminist who supports bodily and sexual autonomy and be opposed to people having consensual sex you don't like? it's the same conservative rhetoric that aims to suppress women for taking control of their own sexual desires. it's one step removed from telling trans people not to get bottom surgery because they'll regret it. if you truly believe that people have the right to do what they want with their bodies, you're going to have to accept that some people will do things that personally make you uncomfortable, and you're going to have to acknowledge the fact that just because they make you uncomfortable, that doesn't mean they're harming anyone. just mind your own business. it's seriously not hard.

[candi-gram]

Finality and inevitability. AKA The high cost of tiny sacrifices... Or, "motivation."

When people with extreme kinks and life situations talk openly and freely about their situation to people with more "normalized" lives often many of the initial questions and challenges focus on their inability to understand how things could possibly have gotten to the level they're at for you.

Even if they don't say it specifically out loud you can tell they're trying to figure out and ask how you ended up here. They're rightfully shocked and horrified to find out that you not only don't have a safe word, but that it would be quickly ignored even if you did. They will astonishingly and foolishly say things like, why don't you just walk away? How can you live with yourself? Or even, I would never let somebody do that to me. They'll try to explain to you that it's trauma and abuse and not kink. As if you're such a dumb cunt you haven't figured that out for yourself a long time ago 🤷‍♂️ as if you're not the one who ultimately ended up doing this to yourself. As if you didn't allow and deserve it to happen. As if it's not mostly your fault that this is the life you're living. As if you're not the one who broke, conditioned, and ruined yourself. Sure, this is what they always wanted you to become... An object instead of a person. But you're the one who Little by Little traded away all your pride and dignity and autonomy in exchange for their attention and approval. The reason they can't understand is because their self worth and respect, their personal identity, their morals, wants and needs, their personality and belief structure is more important to them than someone else's amusement, entertainment, pleasure, and happiness. But, you've made a different decision and determination when balancing those scales. You weighed the same values, but when you did, the scales tipped heavier in a different direction.

And to a lot of people that rightfully sounds ridiculous and stupid. Why would you possibly give yourself up and lose yourself entirely and totally in somebody else? But what they don't understand is when you were making those decisions and weighing the options, the calibration was never comparing where you started with versus where you ended up. Of course nobody in their right mind would ever choose that path. Nobody would ever point to the embarrassing thing you've become and say that's what they want for themselves and that's their ultimate goal. That's simply not how it works though. You don't make one massive choice. You don't get to see the finish line until it's ultimately, eventually way too late and you are many miles already passed it too far to ever turn around and go back to the start again.

It's not where you are today vs where you started you need to pay attention to. No, silly boys and girls. It happens incrementally, glacially slow. It's like the story of The frog in the pot of hot water. If you put the frog in when the water is already scalding hot, it will immediately jump out to rescue and save itself. But, if you put the frog in the pot when the water is cool and just gradually, slowly turn up the heat little by little, the frog gets ever more comfortable to the new temperature. It adapts to that new temperature as it's baseline. And eventually by the time the frog realizes that the water is suddenly boiling hot, it's already too late and the game is over for the frog.

You see, The way it happens is they don't break you, condition you or train you suddenly. They do it by slowly turning up the heat under your personal pot of water. The question that they should be asking you isn't how you ended up where you are today vs where you started out on day one. The right question to be asking is, "How did you end up where you are today versus where you were yesterday?" How did you end up where you were yesterday compared to where you were the day before that? And then that day compared to the day before that? And so on....

Every tiny sacrifice, every indignity you accepted, every shameful and humiliating act, behavior, or modification you allowed or performed, every teeny bit of yourself and your dignity you give up may not seem like much in the moment. Sure, what they're asking or demanding you do today may not seem that much worse or more shameful, or more degrading, than what they demanded of you yesterday. And who knows, in the moment it may even actually seem hot, sexy, or fun. When you're weighing the scales in that specific moment choosing what to do, whether to protect yourself and who and what you are intrinsically, or to give just a little bit more of yourself away, it may seem like just a tiny drop in the bucket. You may think that there's plenty more in the bank where that came from. It may feel like a tiny compromise, a small sacrifice, just a teeny loss. So small that in the grand scheme of things it probably doesn't make a big difference or matter.

But you know what the problem with ignoring tiny drops are? Over time even the smallest trickling creek can carve out huge caverns and create towering canyons into the hardest stone. When you keep giving yourself away 1 so at a time eventually The bucket runs dry and there's no more drops of you to give away. There's no more of you left at all. By the time you've realized what's happened, you've already allowed that tiny, constant drip of water to mold you into something completely different. It's not so simple to just go back and pick up the broken pieces and and pebbles as if they're lying in ruin waiting to be reassembled into the once great stone they came from. All that rough, protecting armor and hard exterior isn't lying in rubble and ruin, it's been eroded away to nothing. You can't rebuild what was there previously when there's nothing left and no substance remaining to rebuild with.

That is how it happens. That is how somebody who once was smart, strong, proud, fiercely independent and headstrong one day wakes up, looks in the mirror, and can no longer recognize the weak, helpless, vulnerable, submissive, obedient victimy thing staring back at them. By the time you wake up and realize that you've allowed them to turn you into something unrecognizable, you're already too far past the point of no return for it to matter anymore.

You will always be the filthy, disgusting, cheap whore that did those degrading, shameful, dehumanizing and objectifying, unthinkable and unspeakable things that he wanted and demanded from you. You can never undo those. Chances are, you have already destroyed your relationships with your friends, family, and work. Your career is probably already in shambles and unrecoverable. Your life is broken and ruined beyond repair. You're left with no place to go and no one to go to.

What does it matter anymore What else they make you do? What does it matter anymore How much more of a porn parody of a person do they turn you into? What does it matter what the next, even more terrible and awful thing They want you to do is? After all the things you've already done, isn't it really just only another tiny drop in the bucket?

And the best and most terrible part of it all, is that the entire time, you've done it to yourself. Usually with eyes wide open and knowing what was happening to you. Knowing what it cost to make those tiny sacrifices again and again.

And sure, In what's left of your mind you may hate the broken and ruined life and thing that you're left with today, But I guarantee you that you're soaking wet and needy, manipulative and traitorous cunt that's been making these decisions for you and keeping you on this path is loving your new life.

[multiplicity-positivity]

To all large systems who are insecure about their headmate count:

We’d like to remind you that there is no maximum number of headmates required for a system to be real or valid! There is no cap on alter count, and systems don’t ever “max out” at a certain number of headmates!

Whether you have 10 headmates, 100, 1000, or more, please remember that each member of your system is lovely and important, no matter your system’s size!

To all you systems with dissociative disorders out there: it’s okay to split easily! It’s okay to have tons of alters or to be polyfragmented. It’s okay to not know most of the members of your system! Having a large system does not mean you are incapable of healing or living your best life!

To those systems without dissociative disorders: there is nothing wrong with having lots of headmates, be them brain-made, walk-ins, or of some other origin! You’re allowed to want a large system, to create more headmates as you see fit, and do what it takes to help your system flourish!

If you’ve been fakeclaimed in the past for having a large system, or tend to look down on yourself or your system for its size, we want you to remember that a system’s worth is not defined by how many or few headmates make it up! Your life has value, your headmates’ lives have value, and your system has value just the way it is. Your system does not have to be small in order for you to deserve agency, autonomy, kindness, and respect!

So please don’t treat yourself too harshly for having lots of headmates. Your life is worth celebrating, and we’re rooting for you! We’re wishing you and your system the very best in your future. Thanks for reading, and have a lovely day!

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

[indigoraysoflight]

I can't believe we're still having this discussion. But here we go again. This is where I stand.

Many Carylers have shown over and over again how much we value Melissa McBride's input on the show. We've shown how much we want compelling stories and a strong explicit canon. We want strong story arcs that honour Daryl and Carol as characters.

If they're even considering going for something that doesn't guarantee any of the above then I hope they understand the seriousness of gambling with their core audience that is hanging on by a thread. Many people are a single instance of shipbaiting away from leaving forever.

If they don't follow through with what fans have been anticipating from the show, then they risk losing a huge chunk of the audience (who won't be persuaded to come back). I say this because in my short time here, I've seen people leave the fandom because they got tired. Many have taken mental health breaks (including myself) because of how taxing it can be here. A TV show with your beloved characters should bring you joy, thrill, and excitement – not endless anxiety. It's not sustainable for many and I don't blame people for choosing their mental health over a show that doesn't guarantee solidarity and expected payoff.

Giving the audience what they have been anticipating (for years) inspires them to stick around because we get a story that's worth the wait. Viewerships skyrocket, the longevity of the show is preserved, and their ride-or-die audience is retained.

As a reminder, this is the audience that will continue to invest in the franchise (through conventions, merchandise, subscriptions etc). An audience that will continue to create content (edits, fan art, podcasts, articles) not to show their criticism for the show but to praise it and provide free promo to influence more audiences to tune in.

I say that as a Caryl podcast host. The only reason @kryptoniancape and I co-started the podcast was to bring hope because we thought we were headed towards greener pastures. We wanted to share our perspectives on the ship that deserved a story that honoured them. We wanted to promote a show that was finally showing up for their audience. We've been explicitly vocal about our hopes for this show's future, just like many Carylers.

So this sounds like a no brainer to me.

This is where @kryptoniancape and I stand – every show should be about creating a compelling narrative. It's not about who gets the most control, it's about equal contribution and autonomy of everyone who is involved. Most of all it's about respecting the talent, the stories and the audience. The fact that it also guarantees audience retention is just the cherry on the top.

There is no moving forward without that (for me personally anyway).

Creating a show that is solely focusing on the "vision" of a few people is going to create a show that they want. But it won't guarantee a strong run. Prioritizing the audience they can count on, however, will keep the show running for years.

Do the right thing.

[inamindfarfaraway]

Me: Of course I know that Starship is just a silly, lighthearted comedy and I shouldn’t think too deeply about it.

Also Me: Mega-Girl has spent her whole life being objectified and only valued conditionally as a tool. She may revel in the many ways she is superior to humans, but her hatred of them is rooted in resenting that they created her (“How could you make me so like you, and yet so unlike you?”). Listen to how she describes herself - “a hollow parody” of life? A “purposeless slave” of “little consequence”? That is not a positive self-image! The source of her homicidal rage is self-loathing due to her robotic nature. She has fully internalized the human prejudice that she is “not real” and “unable to truly feel” and therefore unworthy of rights or love. Based on her parallels to the Terminator robots (the recommended way to kill her is to lower her slowly into lava), it’s highly plausible that she and other robots in this universe cannot self-terminate either and their constant anger is the result of being trapped in slavery without even the escape of suicide.

Tootsie is frequently dismissed and insulted for his lack of intelligence, which he is well aware of (“I may be dumb”, “I don’t know anything”). But unlike Mega-Girl, he has secure self-esteem because he accepts himself and appreciates his other good qualities. He has a great deal of compassion, empathy, honesty, courage, loyalty and crucially, emotional intelligence: he understands feelings, when people are lying about them (“folks say they’re fine when I know that they’re blue”) and their inherent worth (“The feeling I get when you’re close to me, when all my hairs stand up? That’s real.”). The one thing he understands is the same one Mega-Girl doesn’t. The parts of himself he values the most are the the same ones Mega-Girl despises herself for not having. So of course he’s the human to see that she deserves and is capable of love! He knows what it’s like to be treated like you’re less than, but also that everyone still matters just the same no matter how different they are.

By treating her personhood as a given when everyone else she’s met has done the opposite, he makes her respect herself and seek autonomy. He inspires her to want more out of life than what her oppressors want from her (“when you look at me, I don’t wanna be programmed this way”). After she falls for him, she stands up to her legal owner Junior, refusing to follow his orders, objecting to him risking her life and taking offence and even slapping him when he objectifies her again. She’s starting to value herself. However, she still can’t shake the idea that love is at best fundamentally conditional when you’re a robot, hence her fear of Tootsie leaving her. His declaration of unconditional love stops her rampage because finally believing that she is lovable, and has worth, as she is removes her low self-esteem, the source of her bloodlust and resignation to her programming.

In conclusion, they’re perfect for each other and I love them. And oh my God, Tootsie Mega-Girl renamed himself their ship name. What’s their actual ship name, then? Man vs Machine? No, wait… Mega-Toots.

[aronarchy]

https://twitter.com/butchanarchy/status/1550233885413343232

What makes me sad about youth liberation discourse are the people who snidely dismiss the idea that children should be considered full people with autonomy worthy of respect and it’s just… very clear the first time they internalized these beliefs was when they were a child.

I myself first started believing and parroting the atrocious shit people spew about children when I was still a child. I learned from them that by virtue of my age I was not valuable as a person but as an object. I learned to see my own needs as inconveniences.

I was taught that a child was one of the worst things I could be, and that all of my energies should be put towards being as unchildlike, as “mature,” as possible. And those values and beliefs about myself did not magically leave once I became an adult.

What we learn as a child is what we carry throughout our entire lives. How helpful or how much of a burden those lessons are is very much dependent on what the adults in our lives modeled for us. What they taught us about our worth, our boundaries, our agency.

I am so saddened that so many people took those fucked up lessons adults taught them at a young age and have decided to, in order to cope with the damage they wrought, accept those values as true. As justifiable to weaponize against youth in an ongoing cycle of violence.

Because to disregard those lessons, to see them for the oppressive poison that they are, would mean having to reckon with our own traumas. It would mean recognizing what we experienced as harm, rather than something we inherently deserved for our “childishness.”

It would also require us to question and undermine the power we are given upon adulthood to wield over vulnerable youth. To reject the idea that such power is inherent to our status, rather than granted by a larger system of control.

[dreamlandsystem]

Honestly? Shoutout to systems who are traumatized, disordered, or disabled who face pressure from loved ones to recover immediately.

We face pressure from certain loved ones who want us to recall our trauma quickly, and don’t understand that we haven’t healed completely after one session of therapy.

We hear people tell us all the time that we have to “get better soon so we can get a good job and support ourself,” despite having disabilities that we will be living with for the rest of our life.

We’ve been told that if we don’t have an obviously visible disability that we need to just “suck it up and enter the real world like everyone else.”

So shoutout to systems (and disabled singlets tbh) who deal with these challenges! Living with disabilities is difficult enough on its own, and having people in your life pressuring you to “recover from your permanent disabilities” or act and behave exactly like abled people only makes matters worse.

This is why we tend to get along best with other neurodivergent/disabled people. It’s hard having people in your life deny you accommodations because “I don’t need it so why should you?” or try to dictate your healing process because “it shouldn’t take that long to fix yourself!”

Some people will always be broken. Everyone needs to heal at their own pace. It’s not an abled person’s responsibility to determine how disabled people can “recover quickly from their disabilities.”

Just leave us alone and let us look after ourselves if you’re not willing to listen to us when we say what we need.

To all you disabled folks out there, please know that your life has worth and value and you deserve to be loved and respected just the way you are. Hopefully you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who listen to you, don’t trivialize your struggles, and don’t try to force you to seek the treatment they think is best for you. Disabled people deserve autonomy and agency in their own lives just like anyone else!!

[loveandrelationshipconsultation]

The Effects of Self-Love on Your Relationship

The idea of self-love is really important when it comes to relationships and love. Understanding and putting self-love into practice can have a big impact on your relationship’s dynamics. You may more effectively contribute to a partnership by cultivating respect and affection between partners when you have self-love and self-worth.

The Foundation of Self-Love

It’s important to grasp what self-love actually is before delving into how it affects relationships. Accepting who you are, valuing your value, and taking care of your wellbeing are all parts of self-love. It’s about treating yourself with kindness, on a mental and physical level. You lay a strong basis for resilience and personal pleasure when you practice self-love.

Self-Love Enhances Communication

Improved communication is one of the biggest advantages of self-love in partnerships. You’re more likely to clearly communicate your needs and desires when you respect and enjoy who you are. Your conversation with your partner becomes healthier and more transparent as you grow less fearful of confrontation and more aggressive.

Boosts Emotional Independence

Love for oneself promotes emotional autonomy. This implies that you don’t find satisfaction or affirmation from your partner alone. Rather, you discover happiness and fulfilment within yourself, which eases the strain on your partnership. Because of their independence, the couple may support one another while also developing personally.

Increases Empathy and Compassion

Having compassion and love for oneself facilitates having compassion and love for others. Being content with who you are increases your likelihood of showing empathy and compassion for your spouse. Empathy facilitates the resolution of disputes and forges closer emotional ties.

Attracts Healthier Relationships

Healthy partnerships are drawn to those who value themselves. You’re less likely to accept less than you deserve when you cherish who you are. You draw in partners who value and respect you, which creates more satisfying and encouraging partnerships. Furthermore, self-love enables you to identify and establish appropriate limits, maintaining the harmony and decency of your partnership.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Love

Self-care is the practice of doing things that bring you joy, such as reading, working out, or practicing meditation.

Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to remind yourself of your value and potential.

Seek Professional Assistance: Consulting with a life coach or therapist can occasionally aid in the development of self-love. Visit our coaching services to receive individualized assistance.

Establish Boundaries: To safeguard your mental and emotional health, learn to say no and establish boundaries.

Conclusion

Your relationship may undergo a radical change if you make self-love a regular habit. It promotes emotional independence, improves empathy, strengthens bonds with others, and improves communication. Making self-love a priority enhances your connection with your partner as well as your relationship with yourself. See our section on relationship guidance for additional insights on creating wholesome relationships. Our life coaches are available to assist you if you require tailored counsel.

[justkeepstimming]

An Open Letter to Parents and Caregivers

To the parents of kids with disabilities:

Take it easy.

Take a breath.

Be gentle on yourselves.

More importantly, be gentle on your children.

__

Parenting is difficult, no matter how typical your child is (or isn’t).

It’s tough, especially when you have to worry about things that other parents don’t. Those late nights where no one can sleep, stressing over IEP meetings, the seven cups of coffee just to survive until noon, all the doctor appointments… it can feel like too much.

When you’re surrounded by so much negativity, it’s so easy to become overwhelmed and distressed. The world will list out all the things your kid will never do, and all the limitations that come with it. You’re hearing from every angle that disability is a horrid experience and people telling you how much less their lives are worth. You become convinced that your kid won’t ever have a normal life, and you have so many fears of what the future is going to hold. I feared this for my brothers so much. I fear it for myself.

Take a breath.

Go easy.

__

Listen for a moment.

Let me introduce you to my community.

As an autistic adult who has several co-occuring disabilities, the disability community is a lifeline for me.

I know of some really great people in my community who do amazing things – with their disability, not in spite of it.

I can name several nonspeaking autistic people who blog and educate.  I know some people from online support groups that are in group home or have caregivers, because they’ve been told they can’t live alone safely. They’re the people who are often considered “most like your child” or “low functioning,” yet they all prove over and over that they are not machines you can classify. They are human beings with their own values, opinions, and autonomy- and deserve to be treated with respect. All of us autistics do.

Some of them have published books. Some sing. A few knit, paint, or do other types of art. Many are kind and are the first to offer sympathy in hard times. All share their stories; each are unique and beautiful in their own right. They’ve made marvelous strides in positivity and accessibility – by pushing for acceptance, understanding, and respect.

I can tell you of people with physical and cognitive disabilities who are amazing people. Comedians, lawyers, activists, teachers… the list goes on. I know people with feeding tubes who run businesses, people with diabetes who make some of the best nurses out there. I know fantastic people who rely on screen readers and get things done, graduating with honors. I can tell you about my college dorm Resident Advisor who was Deaf, and always facilitated the *best* floor meetings. I can tell you of people with schizophrenia who are the sweetest, making the loveliest color drawings I still have years later.

I know children fighting against conditions that are deadly and bleak, and the adults that those children become – brave, insightful, and possess the best humor. I know of people with Down syndrome and intellectual disabilities that run bakeries and marathons. I know people with cerebral palsy who are brilliant writers, witty souls, and wonderful friends. I know people with gasteroparesis who can make the absolute best cheesecake and desserts.

__

People with disabilities can still live wonderful and happy lives.

Sometimes, you don’t even know they have a disability; it’s okay to be disabled. Disability is natural.

We don’t have to be famous or savants to be full of worth and loved. We don’t have to work high paying jobs or get a PhD in order for our voices to be heard, either. Your child’s worth is not determined by how much money they can make or how well they can pass. Striving for “normality” or passing as “normal” isn’t the goal for us. We know we’re not part of the ‘typical’ crowd – and that’s okay.

Don’t mourn for us. Celebrate and stand with us instead. We don’t want pity; we need acceptance and accessibility.

__

Right now, the world seems like a scary place. Your kid might not be a ‘savant’ or amazingly talented at one or two skills. They might have difficulty with certain things that you don’t think they’ll ever be able to do – and that does happen sometimes. But not always.

One day though, your kid will grow up. Autistic kids tend to become autistic adults, a fact that you know often goes unnoticed. You may be terrified for their future, and that’s understandable. You may worry about future employment, future family life, what will happen to them.

That’s okay.

Take a breath.

__

Meet up with a therapist. Join a group that celebrates the positives, not just dwells on the negatives. Don’t fall into that trap of despair and negativity. Society tells us enough that we’re burdens; trust me, the last thing your kid needs is to hear it from you too. Your child is precious and loved, and they need you to be their safety net who will love them unconditionally.

Look after your mental health; that’s something all parents need to do, not just when you have a child with a disability. If you’re struggling, reach out. There’s no shame in asking for help. It’s better for you – and for your child. Your kid needs you, and they need safety and stability.

__

Let your kid take a breath.

They’re kids. Take them to play dates with other children. Find peer support groups. Help them find ways to adapt to a world that might not be accessible enough for them.

Let them play, laugh, and make mistakes. Let them be themselves. They’ll grow in their own way, at their own pace.

Advocate for your kid, love them unconditionally, and help them establish self-determination – even if at first it’s just choosing which clothes they want to wear that day.

And always, always presume competence. Your child will always understand more than you think.

And finally, take one more deep breath.

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It’s getting better.

The future is slowly getting brighter, thanks to the people with disabilities and allies who are breaking down barriers every single day. From the ADA to the IDEA and accessibility laws – the disability community is pushing through and tearing down the walls that have kept them out.

Your child is in good company.

And know that you’re not fighting alone. We’re on the front lines too, for both us and people with disabilities who will come after us.

Just like you, we’re not giving up any time soon either.

-Courtney Johnson, @justkeepstimming

[innovations24]

What Makes Personal Care Services The Need Of Elder People? 

Personal care services become an essential need for elderly individuals due to the unique challenges that accompany aging. As seniors experience changes in mobility, health, and energy levels, tasks like grooming, bathing, and maintaining personal hygiene can become more demanding. These services, which provide individualized support, are vital in maintaining their sense of worth, autonomy, and general well-being. Beyond addressing physical needs, personal care services provide emotional support, companionship, and a safety net, contributing significantly to a fulfilling and comfortable aging experience. 

The Role Of Personal Care Services In Your Loved Ones’ Lives 

Individual care administrations assume a significant part in upgrading the personal satisfaction for your friends and family, particularly as they age. These administrations go past the useful parts of everyday living, turning into a wellspring of friendship, support, and custom-made help.

1. Understanding Changing Needs

Getting older comes with a set of unique challenges. Tasks that were once a breeze may become a bit more daunting, from tying shoelaces to maintaining personal hygiene. The golden years bring with them changes in mobility, energy levels, and sometimes, health conditions that require extra care and attention.

2. Maintaining Dignity And Independence

Individual care services plays a pivotal role in protecting the nobility and freedom of our older friends and family. By helping with day to day exercises like washing, dressing, and prepping, these administrations enable seniors to keep a feeling of command over their lives, contributing essentially to their general prosperity.

3. Promoting Health And Hygiene

As our bodies age, the importance of maintaining good health and hygiene becomes even more critical. Personal care services ensure that elderly individuals receive assistance in maintaining cleanliness, preventing potential health issues, and promoting a healthier, happier life.

4. Social Connection And Companionship

Loneliness can be a silent adversary as we age. Private home care not only attends to physical needs but also provides valuable companionship. The friendly faces of caregivers offer emotional support and engage seniors in meaningful conversations, reducing the risk of social isolation.

5. Safety First

Aging often brings about changes in balance and mobility, making the home environment a potential source of hazards. Private home care services contribute to creating a safer living space by assisting with movement, offering support during walks, and ensuring that the home is free from potential dangers. 

6. Tailored, Compassionate Care

Everyone is unique, and personal care services recognize and respect this individuality. Care plans are tailored to each senior's specific needs and preferences, ensuring effective and compassionate care.

Our Trusted Partner In Senior Well-Being!

In the grand journey of life, our senior years deserve special attention and care. Personal care services emerge as a vital support system, addressing the evolving needs of elderly individuals and promoting a fulfilling, dignified, and joyful life. By acknowledging and embracing the importance of personal care, we contribute to a society that values and cherishes every stage of life. If you have someone who is struggling to achieve daily tasks, then you must consider Innovations24 Limited. They are experts at their job. Call them today! 

[peacemore-springs]

Bing On The God Theory Thing

He had asked Bing The Magnificent if mankind could have inherent value and dignity without pretending there was a god. Bing replied with the following good and concise answer. The questioner particularly appreciated the secular perspective part of the answer he received.

Yes, it is possible to have inherent value and dignity without believing in God. The concept of human dignity is often invoked as the basis of human rights, and it is based on the idea that every human being has inherent value and worth. This means that every person deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, regardless of their race, gender, or social status.

From a secular perspective, human dignity is often grounded in the idea of human autonomy and the ability to make choices and decisions for oneself. This means that every person has the right to live their life according to their own values and beliefs, as long as they do not harm others.

(and yes, processes of stagnation had crossed his mind, many times)

[workscounselingcenter]

Fat Empowerment Service in Nashville

What Is Fat Acceptance?

Fat acceptance acknowledges that all bodies, including large ones, deserve respect and have inherent worth. Fat acceptance has roots in social liberation, with a focus on dismantling the oppression that people face due to their size. In a society that’s filled with anti-fat rhetoric, fat acceptance is about feeling proud, loved, and cared for in one’s body.

Fat activism, fat pride, and fat empowerment, all other words for Fat Acceptance, has a simple premise–everyone deserves love, regardless of their body shape or size. iFat Acceptance is a movement that aims to challenge societal beauty standards and promote self-acceptance and respect for people of all body sizes, particularly those who are fat or plus-sized. It seeks to counteract weight-based discrimination, bias, and stigmatization.

The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) is one of the main leaders in this movement. This nonprofit organization seeks to liberate fat people from fat shaming and body shaming, and advocate against all forms of fatphobia.

Challenges Fat People Face

Fat people face oppression and difficulty in many walks of life, including the workplace, public spaces, healthcare settings, and their portrayal in mainstream media. Fatness often coincides with microaggressions and assumptions about laziness, poor willpower, carelessness, or inattentiveness. This is harmful, as stereotyping people who are overweight based on their looks causes others to miss out on getting to know an individual’s unique personality and traits.

Unique challenges that fat people face in modern society include:

Healthcare discrimination:

Fat people often feel dismissed, judged, or shamed by doctors for their health concerns. This discrimination can make seeking healthcare treatment feel incredibly anxiety-provoking, and it may contribute to medical trauma.

Workplace prejudice:

Weight discrimination is a rampant issue in the workplace.

Fat tax:

Plus-size clothing and items for fat people typically cost more than the same items for straight sizes.

Travel difficulties:

Cars, planes, and trains do not always accommodate fat people. Extra comforts typically require extra fees.

Direct bullying:

Many fat people are bullied due to their size. Children can be especially prone to direct bullying, violence, and group exclusion.

Dating difficulties:

Fat people often report challenges with dating. Valid fears about feeling dehumanized or fetishized pose significant barriers when meeting new people.

The core principles of fat empowerment involve:

1. Acceptance and Respect: Recognizing that bodies come in diverse shapes and sizes, and promoting respect and acceptance for all bodies, including those that are fat.

2. Self-Love and Self-Care: Encouraging individuals to cultivate a positive body image and prioritize their mental and physical well-being, regardless of their size.

3. Challenging Weight Bias: Advocating against weight-based discrimination, prejudice, and societal biases that perpetuate negative stereotypes and harm individuals based on their body size.

4. Health at Every Size (HAES): Emphasizing that health is not determined solely by body weight and that individuals can pursue holistic health goals irrespective of their size.

5. Body Autonomy and Representation: Promoting body autonomy and the visibility of diverse body types in media, fashion, and other public platforms, advocating for inclusivity and representation.

Fat empowerment movements aim to create a more inclusive and equitable society that values and respects individuals of all body sizes, challenges harmful societal norms, and encourages self-acceptance and well-being.

How People Can Advocate for the Fat Acceptance Movement

Regardless of your size, you can be an ally for fat acceptance. Remember that small changes can make extraordinary differences. Being a positive role model may influence others to think in a different direction.

You can help advocate for the fat acceptance movement by:

Exploring your own biases:

It’s possible that you have internalized fatphobia. Consider how this affects you in everyday life and potentially leads you to treat people differently.

Educating yourself on fatphobia and fat liberation:

Read up on or follow activists promoting fat acceptance. Learn about their struggles and the steps they’re taking to improve our society.

Calling out biased comments:

When you know better, you do better, so don’t be complicit to anti-fat bias. Let people know that you don’t condone their criticism, sarcasm, or mean-spirited jokes about fat people.

Being inclusive with friends:

Consider activities that accommodate your fat friends and family. Ask for their input and be mindful of choosing places that have more accessible options.

Stopping diet talk or lamenting about body image issues:

When people get together and bash their own bodies, they don’t make themselves feel better. And many times, they simply alienate fat people by perpetuating a stigma against their body types.

People who may benefit from a fat-friendly therapist include:

1. Fat individuals seeking support for body acceptance and self-esteem

2. Those struggling with weight-related shame or discrimination. Fat-friendly therapists can provide a safe space to address experiences of weight bias, explore emotional well-being, and develop strategies for coping with societal pressures.

3. Individuals with disordered eating or body image concerns. Therapy can assist in healing relationships with food, promoting intuitive eating, and challenging harmful societal messages about body size.

4. People seeking support for weight-neutral health behaviors. A fat-friendly therapist can help individuals develop sustainable health behaviors, such as engaging in joyful movement, prioritizing self-care, and making informed decisions about their well-being.

5. Those with mental health concerns unrelated to body size: A fat-friendly therapist can address a range of mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, or relationship difficulties, without focusing on body weight or prescribing weight loss as a solution.

Remember, everyone’s needs and experiences are unique, and it’s important to find a therapist who aligns with your values and understands your specific concerns. Therapy can help individuals explore body acceptance, build self-esteem, develop coping strategies, and address any underlying emotional or psychological issues. It’s essential to find a therapist who creates a safe and supportive environment for all clients, regardless of their size. Here at Works Counseling Center our therapists understand the fat acceptance movement and are happy to work with you!

Click here to schedule an appointment.

[ravensoddshoppe]

Affirmations Series: Happiness - Day 7

Today's Affirmation: "My partner is not my reason for being. My existence doesn't revolve around anyone else. I do not rise and fall for another."

In our journey of self-discovery and personal growth, it is vital to affirm our independence and recognize that our worth and identity do not solely depend on others. Today, we affirm the importance of maintaining our individuality and embracing a healthy sense of self.

While love and partnership can enrich our lives, it is essential to remember that we are complete beings on our own. Our happiness, fulfillment, and sense of purpose come from within, rooted in our unique qualities, aspirations, and personal journey.

By affirming that our partner is not our reason for being, we acknowledge that our existence is not defined solely by our relationship status. We understand that we are whole and valuable individuals, deserving of love and respect, irrespective of our connections with others.

Our worth and happiness should not rise and fall based on the opinions, actions, or presence of another person. We have the power to shape our own destiny, to navigate life's ups and downs with resilience and inner strength. We are the captains of our own ships, charting our course and pursuing our passions.

When we maintain our independence, we create a solid foundation for healthy relationships. We bring our authentic selves to the table, fostering connections built on mutual respect, support, and equality. We embrace interdependence, where two individuals complement each other's lives without sacrificing their autonomy.

Today, let us affirm that we are complete and remarkable individuals, capable of thriving and finding fulfillment in all aspects of our lives. Our partnership is an addition to our journey, not a prerequisite for our happiness. We rise and fall for ourselves, guided by our dreams, values, and inner compass.

Remember, by affirming our independence, we nourish our spirits and cultivate a love that is empowering and enriching. We honor our individuality while cherishing the beauty of connection.

Embrace the affirmation that your partner is not your reason for being, and allow yourself to shine as the unique and magnificent individual you are. Rise and fall for yourself, and let love enhance your journey rather than define it.

[akaraboonline]

Are you acting like a hot or ugly girl? 20 Differences

We've all met that girl — she's not the most conventionally attractive of the bunch, but the way men fall for her makes you think she's a Victoria's Secret model. What exactly is her deal? She exudes HOT girl energy through her acting rather than her physical appearance. Here are 20 distinctions between the "hot" and "not" girl in you. Are you acting like a hot or ugly girl? 20 Differences The “not” girl in you tries to prove her worth to a man. The hot girl in you will only stay with a guy who recognizes her worth and does not try to undermine it because he is insecure and threatened by strong women. The “not” girl in you expects a man to complete her. The hot girl in you is complete. When you do get into a relationship, it will be a complementary one. You're fine on your own. The “not” girl makes a man the center of her universe. The hot girl has a social life. Acting hot is all about seizing life by the balls and pursuing your deepest desires and dreams. A man must fit in with that; he will never be your top priority. The “not” girl tolerates being treated like an afterthought. The hot girl expects to be treated with respect. She refuses to accept breadcrumbs when she knows she deserves a whole damn loaf. The “not” girl questions her own desirability when a guy isn’t good to her. The hot girl doubts the guy's attractiveness. She won't wait to teach him if he can't see how fortunate he is to have her in his life. The “not” girl will agonize over a guy’s confusing behavior. The hot girl has more important things to do. Acting hot is all about seeing situations for what they are and moving on without hesitation if they are not favorable. The “not” girl sees herself through a man’s eyes. The attractive young lady sees herself through her own eyes. She defines herself and never allows others to distort that image. Nice try, fellas. The “not” girl expects little and gets little. The hot girl has high expectations and receives high rewards. She understands that if she demands less than she deserves, that's all she'll get. She has high expectations of men and expects them to meet them. The “not” girl obsesses over her weaknesses. The hot girl defines herself through her abilities. She doesn't think she's perfect; she just knows that acting hot is all about embracing the best parts of yourself while working on the parts that need a little help. The “not” girl needs to be with a man. The attractive lady prefers to be with a man. That's fine if she's been single for a long time! The right one will come along eventually, and she isn't going to worry about it in the meantime.

More About What “Acting Hot” Entails

The “not” girl revolves her life around a guy. The hot girl maintains her autonomy. She has an amazing career, a devoted friend group, a loving family, and a plethora of hobbies and interests. Who requires a man? The “not” girl ignores red flags. As soon as she notices them, the hot girl flees. She knows it's pointless to stay with a guy who isn't on her level. The “not” girl values attention. Respect is important to the hot girl. Acting hot is about being seen as a strong, smart, valuable woman worthy of respect, not about being physically attractive. The “not” girl works hard to keep a guy interested. While all relationships require work to be healthy and grow, the hot girl understands that you shouldn't have to work hard to keep a guy interested if he's the right guy. The “not” girl is an expert in denial. The hot girl believes in her instincts. She's been in enough relationships and has enough life experience to know that all those red flags aren't going to magically disappear. Nope. The “not” girl thinks her appearance is the key to keeping a man. The hot girl understands that intelligence, interest, and independence are more important than anything else. Acting hot is more about the energy you exude than the size of your waist or chest. The “not” girl will wonder whether a guy is into her. The hot girl considers whether she likes the guy. After all, her feelings are just as important as mine, if not more so. She wants a guy who is on her level. Whether he likes her or not, he will have to meet high standards in order for her to be interested in him. The “not” girl focuses on what a guy says. The hot girl is watching how he acts. As they say, actions speak louder than words, so he'll have to pull himself together if he wants a chance with her. The “hot” girl would rather be single than settle. The not girl is terrified of being alone. Why should she? She has a very full life and a lot she wants to accomplish. Weighing herself down with a man who is unworthy of her is simply not on her radar. The “not” girl obsesses over how she looks. The hot girl is preoccupied with what she exudes. After all, if you feel good, you look good, and she's drop-dead gorgeous based on her level of self-love.   Read the full article

[soracities]

I have no idea where to put my thoughts at the moment, so I hope it's alright to lay them down here for a little while before I pick them up again.

I am,, nervous about starting things. More importantly, I am nervous on how much time I must wait before I get an answer--whether it be a response to my own confessions here, or the waiting time between me putting myself out there in the world and connecting to someone (if not for work, then for some sort of love). I worry endlessly that the amount of time that it takes represents the worth of my own self, and that the longer it takes to get an answer (if at all), the less value I hold.

It's not a very nice mindset to have, I know, but I suppose it's my own jitters that have taken hold of me, and the horrifying thought of waiting only to have rejection slammed back into my face. It makes me wonder how I can change this mindset, if I even can. Or, at the very least, somehow numb the fear that comes with waiting.

worth is not something that needs to be presented and pitched like a powerpoint; it's a given. it's inherent to the fact that you exist. you can absolutely change that mindset and work on building a healthier and more self-respectful relationship with your self, but it will require work, and patience, and care (most likely with the help of a good therapist) and you have to be willing to show up to that work and interrogate and confront what it is that makes you feel this way. if you do not have a solid and compassionate image of yourself in your mind, what you value, what is important to you, what you deserve etc., then you will always be at the mercy of others' responses, you will always infer conclusions about yourself and your value as a human being from how others react to you (or don't react to you), even when the nature of those reactions have absolutely nothing to do with you on a personal level at all.

i'm not about to spout that age-old and nonsensical rhetoric about how you can never gain love or acceptance from others until you love and accept yourself because i think it is hogwash. our image of ourselves is forged through the eyes of those who love us and care for us, and how they love us and care for us; it does not happen in a vacuum. but i think it is important to note that you cannot let these affirmations simply remain outside of yourself, or defer them to other people. i may constantly doubt the value of what i bring to my friends; i may often feel that i'm not enough and that they could easily find so many others who are kinder or funnier or more enjoyable company. but i also know that these are my friends and i love them; i love them for their kindness, their openness, their acceptance and their honesty. and if i reject the meaningful things they say about me, i am rejecting them; the things i admire and respect in them are also the things that mean they would not, and have no reason, to lie to me. i may not always believe these things, but i know that they believe them, and i have no right to decide that it isn't the truth because that isn't my place, and it's disrespectful to them and the autonomy they exercise in deciding for themselves who they want in their lives and why. they are choosing to give me this love and this care. and i can choose to let it in, and allow it to affect my life and try my best to live through its influence, or i can choose to turn away from it and insist on the image i have of myself (which is not objective, nor healthy, but may feel safer but in the long run will only hurt me more) at the expense of the image i could potentially be seeing if i allowed myself to trust them enough.

again, it is not that you will never find acceptance unless you accept yourself, but rather that, if you cannot accept and value yourself, you are more likely to tolerate treatment that you do not deserve, not necessarily just from other people but also from yourself. you may not allow yourself to accept or believe when other people tell you what you mean to them, even though there are zero terms and conditions for them caring about you. those terms and conditions are coming from you; you are imposing them on yourself and perhaps believing, because you already believe them so profoundly, that other people believe them too, and if they don't, then it will only be a matter of time. you have taken your own perceptions about yourself and turned them into an "objective" reality, and in doing so you potentially set yourself up to turning this into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

and i think this worry about rejection comes from the same place -- but rejection is not a value judgement. you can be rejected, either in a romantic context, or a work context, or a social and platonic context, and still be worthy of care and respect. it doesn't detract from your value as a person because it isn't a reflection of your value as a person; they are two completely different things. it's a reflection of the dynamics or others' perceptions or the relationship in question and what is, and what isn't, a good fit at this particular time. and in all honesty, most people are too wrapped up in their own worries or thoughts to be actively thinking about you in negative terms. when a potential romantic partner, or potential work placement doesn't see you as a good fit, they are, really, not thinking about you -- they're focused on their own desires and aspirations, and if they are not thinking of you personally, there is no reason for you to take it personally. if someone ghosts you or doesn't respond to you (as nerve-wracking as that silence can be) they are not doing so because they are furiously running up a laundry list of all the same flaws and problems you see in yourself; i assure you that they are far too occupied with others things and genuinely will not care. i don't mean this in a heartless way nor am i saying it to be callous -- i mean it, purely, objectively. i can send out a dozen applications to positions that never ring me back, and take profound comfort in the fact that they will hardly ever think of me again. in all likelihood my name will be forgotten in a week. and so there is no reason for me to infer any kind of conclusion about my worth from someone or something that literally does not know me.

again, i am not saying any of this to be cold, nor do i want you to take this as any kind of confirmation that, indeed, you do not matter as a person if you don't occur to employers or potential partners in the personal way you hope to occur to them. i'm saying that your value as a person is not what they are assessing, it is never what they are assessing or even considering here, and if that is not on the table, then please, please, please do not take it upon yourself to put it there. because that is not where it belongs.

i think more than anything here you should really take some time to try and access help or advice through some kind of professional so that they can guide you on how best to navigate and work through these feelings about your own worth and the anxiety you have regarding it. there is no reason whatsoever that you cannot change this thought process, but before you begin to do so you must acknowledge that it will take time and that it won't always be easy. you will fall back into old patterns, and some days may be harder than others but none of that is proof that your endeavours are hopeless or that this is too far gone a thing for you to change. the longer we hold a certain mindset, the deeper the grooves it draws in us and the more familiar it becomes -- in order for something healthier and more fulfilling to become just as familiar we have to actively walk that path and establish those same grooves, prioritising them over and over so that they can take us to where we want to go. you can work your way through this, anon. believe me, you can. x