#to me she is the most realistic character and the most enjoyable too

[countingdots-tc]

TEACHER/STUDENT BOOK RECS

*if you want me to add a forbidden romance list, let me know*

𓃠 This is a list with links to books that have teacher/student, age gap, and experienced/less experienced themes that I have read! These are in order from most recommended to least recommended based on my opinion.

𓃠 This will be updated as I read more! Think something should be added to the list, then let me know!

𓃠 To find the Age Gap/TeacherxStudent Movie list, click on the link on my pinned post!

⭐️= highly recommend/changed my life

😇= no smut

🌶️=contains smut

💦=read to really get your rocks off

highlighted=warning

PROFESSOR/COACH BOOK LIST

The Unrequited by Saffron A. Kent-⭐️😇

ProfessorxStudent & mental health themes

Cute little poet embarrassingly falls for her grumpy professor. Beautiful slow burn and perfectly describes what it feels like to want someone and not feel enough for them. She is such a realistic female lead and reminds me a lot of y’all 😂. This is THE teacher crush community book. If you don’t read anything read this!!

The Professor by Invi Wright-⭐️🌶️

ProfessorxStudent

Cute romance by young, new, and self published author. Very relatable female lead. If you enjoyed The Unrequited, you will like this book for all of the same reasons. Quick and easy read, only 240. She isn’t perfect, she clumsy, and I wouldn’t even say she’s socially awkward, she just a normal college student in her early 20s. She’s a fun narrator. This author has a lot of potential and her writing will only get better.

Gabriel’s Inferno by Slyvain Reynard-⭐️😇

ProfessorxStudent

Such a good dark academia book. Beautifully written and actually has a movie adaptation. I would definitely recommend this if you want a realistic couple but a bit more serious. Characters have so much depth

Off Balance Series by Lucia Franco- 💦

CoachxStudent

Warning: female lead is age of consent NOT legal age.

If you want something really forbidden and fucked up, read this. If you want the MOST insane sex scenes, read this (MINORS STOP). I really don’t even want to add this series to this list but for the girls who wanna go there, have fun. I started this when I was still in high school, read the 3rd one as an adult, it’s not as easy to read now. Take that info as you please

Lessons In Sin by Pam Goodwin-🌶️

TeacherxStudent with 18 Y.O female lead

Troubled rich girl gets sent off to a catholic boarding school and falls for the asshole Dean of the school. Smut is pretty good, plot works. I’m not going to say it’s bad, I think whether or not it’s enjoyable depends on the person. It wasn’t bad, I just wasn’t obsessed. If you’re just trying to live vicariously through her (aren’t we all), then it works!

Teach Me by L. L. Ash-🌶️

ProfessorxStudent

Really good start, and I do mean GREAT start… I just feel like the sex scene came too soon (Ch. 9/32) and it threw me off but I also like SUPER slow burns. It’s still a good book. I enjoyed the male love interest, Professor Harlo. They’re cute together. Grump and Sunshine.

Dark Notes by Pam Goodwin-

TeacherxStudent & themes of abuse

Probably DNF-ing

AGE GAP BOOK LIST

Something In The Way Series by Jessica Hawkins-⭐️😇

Sister’s Boyfriend/Husband & “I saw him first”

Most beautiful romance series I’ve ever read, best written books by Jessica Hawkins. I recommend all of her other books. Lake is 16 when she first meets Manning but nothing sexual happens between them for another 3 books until she’s in her 20s. Beautiful slow burn with characters full of depth.

Sinner by Sierra Simone- ⭐️💦

Brother’s Best Friend & religious themes

Amazing character creation and mapping. These characters feel real! This book is about “teaching” a girl about sex before she becomes a nun. It’s not just a bang bang, hump hump book. It has heart and it really good. If you enjoy religious themed romance, you may enjoy Priest by Sierra Simone too. I didn’t 💀

Birthday Girl by Penelope Douglas- 💦

Ex’s Dad

Most popular forbidden romance so whatever you’ve heard about it, dump it. This might be the most tame book on this list. Pacing is good, well written main character. Insane amounts of smut but it doesn’t drive the story forward so feel free to skip it if you get tired.

Love Unexpected by Q. B. Tyler- 💦

Ex Stepdad & parent death

This book is HOT! However after the first few scenes, I got a bit tired of the smut. Well written enough female lead with a rushed ending. However if you just need something to read and not despise it, it’s good enough.

Strictly Off Limits by Jessica Hawkins-🌶️

Dad’s Best Friend

Jessica is my favorite author so I’m a bit biased but she definitely isn’t a smut writer. This novella would’ve been better without smut however it isn’t super present and doesn’t really drive the story forward so don’t feel like you’re missing anything if you skip the smut!

The Doctor by Nikki Sloane- 💦

Ex’s Dad

personally didn’t care for this book, smut starts off way too quick and I’m more of a slow burn girl. It is a novella however, it was still too quick. However! You may love it <3

𓃠 If I’m not reading fast enough for you and you want to see what I will be reading in the future here is my Amazon TBR, have at it!

𓃠 If you want to see a more organized bookshelf of what I’ve read, here is my Goodreads!

[maids-of-stardust]

LYSE WIR GALVUS

This is a likeable headcanon, if you consider it for a moment with us.(Spoilers for like... everything story-wise? In Stormblood??? Also, this is not Lyse hate, this is Lyse appreciation and character flavor.)

Lyse's complexion is notoriously non-congruent to the typical features of Ala Mhigans, despite being born and raised Ala Mhigan herself... for this, we deliberated with @feycircles that she, hilariously, looks more similar to Zenos, than to her own people. Which, really got us thinking... We know a few things about Curtis Hext, Yda and Lyse's father; that he was in King Thedoric's royal guard, and later fled with his daughters when the King's rule became too oppressive. But, we know nothing about Yda and Lyse's mother.

It makes sense for some intermingling to occur right at the beginning of, or even prior to the Garlean occupation of Ala Mhigo. It's not impossible for Varis, possibly a Legatus at that point, to have visited at such a time, to have came into contact with Thedoric and his guards, and possibly even the wife of one of these guards...

Well, you get the idea. Regardless of the details, it comes to be feasible that Lyse is Varis' bastard daughter- with Varis likely never knowing, and most definitely never finding out. It's equally feasible for her to be half Garlean by any other sire, but let's be real this is cooler and in some ways more relevant to the following themes in Stormblood...

One must imagine Lyse and Zenos as half-siblings, as fate would chance it.

If you told me these two were related, I would believe you.

Amazing things this does for the narritive:

Expands on Lyse's out-of-place position in Gyr Abania. She wasn't there to experience the fighting that broke it's spirit, true, and after spending all the time and effort to gain back their trust, girly finds out she is of the same blood as their colonizers. Not just one of them, but even related to the Viceroy actively oppressing them. The guilt and turmoil that goes into paying back an unpayable debt, one that even victimized Lyse herself, is intense.

Becoming a leader of the resistance, and actively vying for change and liberty that defies her heritage is an ICONIC contrast to Zenos, who has perpetuated the cycle of violence and invasion by their father and his father before. Just sibling dichotomy things✨

On a grander scale, this is representative of the empire having occupied Ala Mhigo for so long, the picturesque liberty they dream of is no longer something that can exist. The nations have integrated, and been changed forever, for better or worse. Their children are the greatest example of this- even up to being equal parts Ala Mhigan, and Garlean. The best they can do is often the most realistic side effect of war- try to heal, and bear the scars of the conflict.

In conclusion, do we think this is based in reality? NOT REALLY. However, if this WERE true, it would change next to nothing about the plot (especially if nobody uncovered this information), and it also explains/resolves a lot of the common issues with Lyse as a character. If you can suspend your disbelief and BE DELUSIONAL for that crucial moment then this is a VERY enjoyable hc to spice up your Stormblood experience.

[crispyanonart]

I just wanna thank you for being so lovely about the Maru/Seb dynamic 😭 I'm so tired of people babying Seb when he also needs to work on stuff and blaming Maru for his inability to (esp since I agree with you that she's trying to be a good sister and looks up to him). As someone also from a funky fam situation, it means so much to me to see the healing that can happen between siblings. It makes my heart warm to read your HCs 💖

I'm so so happy to hear this 🥹🖤 I love myself a classic trope but what I love even more are complex and nuanced characters ↓

[I'm so passionate about this because I experience my media consumption in a cathartic way - I tend to fixate with characters I relate to (as most people do I think), and growing up I found out that it's immensely healing to love and see other people love said characters. They are flawed yet can be adored by many - so what if I too am worthy of love and appreciation despite everything? Following this discovery I truly started to appreciate more and more complex characters and relationships (or headcanons if the source media isn't as deep), it really is more enjoyable and realistic this way for me.]

I love Sebastian (anyone can tell by looking at my blog lmao) and it would be so boring and reductive for everyone involved to think that he's just a poor guy who never did anything wrong and that the rest of his family are villains. Especially Maru, since she's clearly the one family member making the most efforts towards him. Sebastian IS babygirl and he CAN be held accountable, these two facts aren't mutually exclusive, and from here the resolution is much more satisfying and consistent too!! Especially in a family dynamic where one feels like they don't belong, siblings can be the strongest allies - I'll never shut up about this oh my god 😭

[alpaca-clouds]

Rape, Abuse, Trauma and the Need for Power

This topic has been sneaking around in my brain for days now. Because I find it quite interesting to see this depicted in now multiple franchises. And I really want to talk about it. Partly, because I see some people struggling to understand it. So, let me, an abuse victim, explain.

You see these three characters? Yeah, they actually have a lot in common. Let me explain.

Spoilers vor Castlevania, Stray Gods and Baldur's Gate, obviously.

All three of them were victims of abuse and (probably) also rape. It should be noted that with both Carmilla and Persephone it is never outright said that they were raped, but it is heavily implied. With Astarion, obviously, it is outright stated.

More than that, we do know about all three of them that they were also abused. Both Carmilla and Astarion by their respective sires. Persephone by Hades.

And they also have one other thing in common: Their character arc features them trying to get some sort of power. Let me go through with them.

Carmilla was abused by her sire. We do know very little about the details, only that he was very cruel. There is some heavy implication that the abuse involved rape. At some point she killed her sire. Her entire character story is about her trying to get power for herself. First by trying to get control over Dracula's Castle. Then she tries to build her own empire. With her mental health getting worse, she ends up fantasizing about world domination.

Persephone in Stray Gods was kidnapped, raped and abused by Hades. She had everything taken from her during this, until she finally could not take it any longer and killed Hades. But the other gods denied her to take control over the underworld. Her basic conflict stems from her wanting to regain control over the underworld again.

Astarion is of course the odd one out, given we learn a lot more about his abuse. But like the two women, he was abused, raped and tortured. Due to the DnD vampire rules, he had no way of actually fighting back against his sire, with him escaping just through what amounts to sheer luck. When he learns that his sire wanted to sacrifice him (and many others) to gain a lot of power, Astarion wants to finish the ritual for himself, gaining the power.

The outcome of course is different for all three.

Carmilla gets killed, once she goes down the "world domination" thing. While with Persephone and Astarion it depends on player choice. I would argue though, that the happy end for them both is them giving up the power. That is Persephone giving up the throne and Astarion not finishing the ritual.

What is the interesting thing about this... Or, well, interesting might be the wrong world. But it is well written. Because this is very, very realistic for their backstories.

See, both abuse and especially rape are a lot about power. The abuser/rapist takes full control over the victim's body and life. (Which is also why rape rarely has to do with sexual enjoyment, and more with the rapist wanting to assert power.) Or, from the perspective of the survivor: It is all about having the power taken away from them.

This is bad enough if it is something that is a one time occurance. But if the survivor is in the situation for a long time, they experience a prolonged period of powerlessness and fear. The survivor is constantly afraid, constantly in survival mode, constantly trying to just get through it.

In my life I have seen too many bad takes along the lines of: "Rape survivors should stop whining. How bad can one rape be?" And those people do once again not understand: Rape is not about the sex. It is about having control and power over your own body taken away from you. It is about you being turned into a thing to be used by someone else. Which does not even mention the feeling of fear most people experience during a rape, as they do not know what kind of other violence might follow.

And this is something that leads the survivors to even after escaping the abuse, the trauma often leaves them feeling powerless. They might objectively not have less power than they had before the abuse happened, but to the traumatized nervous system it feels like that. And the traumatized brain does not work logically or objectively. All it knows is: The survivor has not enough power to prevent this situation from occuring again. But here is the thing: No amount of power will make them feel like they have enough power, like they can meaningfully protect themselves from further abuse.

This is why Carmilla is escalating so much in season 4 of Castlevania. Because no matter how much control and power she gets, she does not feel like it is enough to protect herself.

This is also why I do feel like the happy end for both Persephone and Astarion is them giving up their symbol of power. Because the thing is, that them gaining the power will just push them along into a spiral of needing more power to keep themselves in a feeling of being safe. Which is why the good ending for them needs to involve them being convinced to basically trust people again. Because that is a path that given enough time can lead to healing. Them gaining the power won't. In terms of their trauma the power they might gain is just a bandaid on an infected wound.

I have seen a lot of people argue that you should let Astarion finish the ritual, because it "is what he wants". But the thing is... it isn't. All he wants is to feel safe. And he thinks if he gains that power, he can feel safe. But he can't. To feel safe he needs to heal.

[opheliathestarqueen]

Star Wars Demigod AU Aesthetics

My take on who star wars characters godly parents would be!

Luke and Leia are both kids of Aphrodite.

For Luke, I feel like he would have powerful charm speak and much like Leia, be the strongest person in combat in a room despite being underestimated by everyone based on appearance. I also love the idea of the twins having everyone fall in love with them all the time (I think they would make a bit out of it). Some casual Din/Luke is also in this aesthetic (more on Din later).

Leia aesthetic for being a daughter of Aphrodite.

I think that Leia would have been claimed sooner than Luke was (coming to camp when she was younger) and thus she knows how to control her charm speak more than Luke does. She would also be more of a realist with love as she has had her fair share of insincere suitors.

Leia would also be the best shooter at camp half blood. Some Leia/Han is also in this aesthetic!

Han would be the son of Hermes.

He is always traveling, good at thievery/cunning actions, and is a good navigator. I think that he would be sent on his first quest with Luke and Leia (before Luke is claimed) and would be micro managing their travels.

He constantly tries to beat Leia at shooting but they both know that he isn't as good as she is (Leia/Han is also incorporated in this aesthetic).

Din would be the son of Hephaestus.

This one took me a while but honestly it fits.

I think that beyond the armor (which he would 100% wear at camp half blood), he is also super efficient at doing repairs (but not as much as his fellow Hephaestus kid Peli), and uses fire. He would have gone on a lot of quests and is experienced in it (his bounty hunting).

I also just love the idea of a Hephaestus and Aphrodite kid being togethers (thus Din/Luke is in this aesthetic too).

Finally, Lando.

He would be a son of Dionysus. He has the right vibes:

Strong, fun, goes with the flow, and a bit sneaky. He would totally be an enjoyer of good theater and wine.

I like to think that he and Han have been camp besties for a while. He definitely would be the type of person to go on one quest (which was the most important one) and just have so much credit from then on thus making him the person everyone wants on a quest.

Anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk, please lmk what you think or any characters I should do!

[kyouka-supremacy]

Yeah, Teruko was the one that made me realize the sexisim that existed in BSD when I first binged it. Or, more accurate, what TYPE we're dealing with. The female characters can exist and have their own moments, but they can never outshine the male characters and Asagiri can also allow himself to forget them if he needs to. When I read Stormbringer, one of the things that stood out to me is the fact that no female character has any prominent role until like, 200+ pages in, and what role Kouyou got was so minimal she might as well not have shown up at all. Yosano has a huge important backstory that doesn't become relevant until SEASON 4 while most of her male companions have had theirs explored way before her. It's disappointing, but I genuinely find Teruko intolerable and find her to be the worst written character in the entire series. It's not her fault, but her behaviour around Fukuchi and her ability was just horrid to me. Her ending here just enhances all the issues that already existed in her character for me. She's the only female character in this series I can't stand and that SUCKS because I want to love them all, but Asagiri is making that mighty difficult when he pulls stuff like this :/

(´；ω；｀)

The almost complete lack of female characters is personally my greatest disincentive to reading Stormbringer (together with the lack of ss/kk. Discredit where it's due).

Teruko's role this whole doa arc has been.. Saddening? I feel all the hd have a lot of untapped potential; but whereas with Fukuchi and Tachihara and even Jouno it's like, you know what's their deal, there's so little we know about Teruko and Tetchou's motivations and backstory. And even when both had their occasional times to shine - I like Teruko's scenes in the Sky Casino arc! A lot! I think they make for a very cool character! -, there's the whole deal with Teruko in the airport arc which is just :/// Like, she's just there to move the plot forward. She was very pretty in chapter 105 and made me feel like she had some further insight in the whole picture, like she had taken a stand and had a motive, but in the end it was never elaborated on, and I'm very sorry for that. Way worse, she was exclusively delegated to the role of numbly moving the plot forward, which is just wholly unfortunate. Why did she let Atsushi go just like that, like, really?? Oftentimes women's role in this franchise is truly meaningless. I don't really care for what side she was going to take in the end, I just wish she was just handled more sensibility, more respectfully. But alas. Hoping she'll get some spotlight in the future, because I really like her.

I like Teruko! Like, I genuinely get where you're coming from, and your reasons for not liking her are very valid. To me it's more about straight-up ignoring some stuff I don't like (REALLY can't vibe with the Fukuchi worshipping, I find it quite gross to be honest) and emphasizing the aspects I do like. I like how she's unapologetically mean - honestly, not many female characters get to do that. She gets to be a villain -, but I also like how it's compensated with a very strong moral code and genuine intent to protect citizens. I love lots of her scenes in the Sky Casino arc: her interactions with Tachihara are funny and vaguely wholesome, her determination and resourcefulness to win over Sigma is so cool, and her reluctance to hurt citizens, and the scene where she stopped an aircraft with her bare hands!!!! Honestly, banger after banger after banger, looking back at it that's probably why I held such high expectations for her character. Despite personally wholly disagreeing with bsd's morale, even Teruko's enouncement of her Hobbesian principles is enjoyable for me, because it's quite rare to see a woman preach such realist, cynical worldviews; if anything, it's refreshing. I think her ability is super cool and original, I love it tons!! I really like her character design, too. I like how she's of the highest grade compared to all other hd members minus Fukuchi and I like how she can be childish and keep them in line at the same time. I like how more mature and savvy she looked in her latest airport arc appearances, how she looked tired of war on par with Fukuchi. I wish she was given more screentime and importance and agency, and I wish the mess of the last chapter didn't happen, but I like her personality.

On her ability, I think it's pretty cool, and neutrally problematic by its own; but I do agree that between Teruko having child appearances and being obsessed with a grown-up man, the whole Mori deal, Aya proposing to Kunikida in chapter 40, the chapter 107.5 page that left everyone perplexed and was only later on clarified by the anime, (and, regretfully, even how the Kyouka / Atsushi dynamics are framed in some of the earlier chapters), it creates a very distasteful pattern.

I really like Yosano's backstory (really. I've said it a lot of times before, but I think chapters 65-66 are the best written chapters in the whole manga.), but it's not like just because of two small chapters that center around a woman after 15 volumes of male spotlight bsd suddenly stops being sexist lol. And that's something I've already said before, but: Yosano's chapters are beautiful! But they don't really help empower female characters in this franchise. Yosano completely lacks agency in the story, which is FINE for the story on its own, yet in the context it simply does nothing but reinforce the fact that women can't be masters of their fate.

I also strongly agree with the fact that female characters are accurately written as to never outshine their male counterparts. As someone else has pointed out before, both Kyouka and Higuchi have respectively saved Atsushi and Akutagawa's lives (in Kyouka's case, multiple times), so why is it that Atsushi and Akutagawa don't serve them the same respect and admiration that they hold for them? The double standard is really blatant once you start seeing it.

I've written more on bsd's sexism here, if you'd like to check it out. Even though it's very important to read things critically and acknowledge franchises' faults, I still can't help but feel bad for spreading negativity (╥﹏╥) Here's to hoping the bsd writing of female characters will improve in the future!!

[nicosraf]

Could you speak a little bit about your approach with the female humans in A&M?

Miriam seems happy or at least secretly pleased to wed Armoni who married her against his will through force and coercion. Idith and Samyaza had some dubcon and even a bit of non-con going on. The men in your story (and people in real life) blame Eve and label women as sinners/evil.

Satan and the demons often use 'she/her' pronouns. Even Samyaza, a character which many readers are frustrated with for the hypocrisy, has a femme and sapphic reading.

A lot of current retellings usually have a "feminist" spin or at least an attempt to give their female characters more agency. You seem to have a somewhat more authentic take but instead of choosing sides of good and evil your characters seem to exist is a deep morally gray area (at least that is how I read them).

Anyways, I was just wondering how you decided to interpret the female characters?

Hello! It's pretty straight forward actually! I was just more interested in trying to depict women, like those in my real life, authentically than anything else. My mother is a good person, but she's also a bad person at times, the same goes for my sister, my other female relatives, and all my women friends, though I'll admit I based most of the women in A&M off my female relatives.

I think A&M's feminist narrative is glaringly obvious and simple at times, but I didn't want to do "women good, man bad," even if some characters — like the Watchers — have this reading. Women in real life perpetuate sexism and do wrong things all the time, and that doesn't make them not victims of patriarchy. Eve isn't suddenly not-a-victim because she hurts one of her children. (And ABM is about this too: you can be a victim and do bad things. You can be a victim of abuse and an abuser.) (Point 2: I think your commitment to a cause shouldn't rest on your perceived moral purity of those you support; womens wrongs don't negate the need for womens rights)

I realize women characters will be judged harsher. (I do always notice how Eitan and Idith are treated differently by some people!) I know women just existing in movies or books puts them under intense scrutiny. Here's the thing though: if someone is the type of person to scrutinize women characters, looking for a reason to hate them, then I don't really care about their enjoyment of my book in the first place.

Not that I should be the one dictating what feminism is or isn't, but I think I can say that one part of it is that women deserve to have all the gray complexity that male characters have and that the genderqueer angels/demons have.

Oh and I've seen the backlash against feminist retellings of myths lately (the "girlbossification") that I don't think I can comment on it too much given I am, you know, a man — but, for A&M, I wanted to depict humans fairly realistically, knowing this might make them seem simple, unlikable, weak, or even boring compared to the fantastical, long-lived gay angels. It's important to me because A&M is an introduction to humanity. My approach in Angels #3 will be different, but... you'll see.

TLDR: I like writing women, and femmes generally, who are flawed despite how much they may have suffered.

[haaafan]

The amount of enjoyment spy x family brings is so grand. I recently watched the film in the cinema and my god.

The movie was PACKED with the elements that truly makes the series so fun. Loid’s spy character, Anya being the most hilarious character ever I totally forgot how lovely she is. And Yor having both her drunk, her assassin and her plot arc is just perfect.

Genuinely if i can get into the way the animation went above and beyond, from the poop god segment, to the fight between Yor and F. And Loid versus the general. Like sure there was lots and lots of plot armor, but really i am not looking for realistic fights in this series’s world.

And sure the plotline of the story was pretty much an episode of the show, nothing very unusual to change any characters. But for a film its the introduction to their world so people unbeknownst to the show can connect to the world of spy x family instantly.

And to me they took the good elements of the show. Yor’s arc with the idea that loid might be cheating on her had me on the edge of my seat when the idea first came up, eventually it was smoothend out and not too deep but i will not get over the beauty of the scene in the ferris wheel, and how she kicked him out like my ass was in dents.

I enjoyed, and im sooo gonna reread/rewatch it soon

[aurorafables]

From the Grey, Chapter 1.

Let's get is started. :) I'm very excited, and I hope you will like it bc I loved to write it.

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic

Word Count: 4.2k

Cross-posted: AO3

Author's note: This was originally written in Hungarian, and I'm still looking for a proofreader, so please forgive me the mistakes, strange expressions. Hope it's still enjoyable. Let me know, what do you think. :) Also let me know if you want to be tagged in the upcoming parts :)

Summary: In Noah's life, his best friend was the light, the way out of the abuse he suffered at home. After a childhood full of trauma, in which he was stripped of his wings so many times, he moves in with Nick, whose goal is to let him fly. The band, Bad Omens, led by Noah, begins to soar, which brings at least as many problems as joy. As teenagers grow into men, Noah and Nick drift closer and closer to each other, and the boundaries of friendship and love completely merge.

Chapter 1.

It would be difficult to say exactly when it started. It was as if the dynamic between the two of us had completely changed without being noticed. I could compare it to when I'm doing a tattoo and I want to create a nice color gradient to make the design look as realistic as possible. The point is that you can't tell where one color ends and the other color begins. Even between us, the transition from wanting to hug him in a friendly way to kissing him passionately was imperceptible.

Maybe I woke up like that one day, but it's also possible that the desire had been brewing in me for weeks, months, years, I just blocked it deep down. And what if I felt that little spark the first time we met, but I was still almost a child and couldn't identify it? I have to start this story somewhere. And like most fairy tales, it didn't start well. The mood of the whole band was cast by melancholy over the loss of a friend. But like all dead artists, Keaton remained immortal. His voice will live forever on the records, despite the fact that he was not with us anymore. The music of Too Close To Touch mingled with the cohesive low murmur of the crowd outside in the club's concert hall, where Keaton's vocals echoed painfully through the walls. "Death is not a game with the ones I hold close She was mine, mine, you can't deny Three years is too quick to die"* All his anger, all his pain were in the song he wrote about his little sister, who died lying on a hospital bed. In the text, he blamed God for choosing little Eiley over him. The poor boy had no idea at the time that they were both chosen… Personally, I would have liked to break something if I remembered that he was gone now, and I could only reassure myself that maybe they were already up there together. If it even exists up there. Because what if up there is actually only two meters underground?

The song didn't come at the best moment, because we had to go on stage right after, and I might be able to hide my mood in front of the audience… I glanced at Noah and my heart sank when I saw him banging his head against the wall, clutching the microphone in his hand, next to the stage, which we will soon have to walk up to. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, which I completely forgot to do in parallel. I was so worried about him. I knew he'd hate himself for that if his voice cracked while singing the opening lines of The Death Of Peace Of Mind. His maximalism was what he could torture himself with the most. Also, he had to be up there alone at the beginning of the song, we didn't join until later. I walked to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder, but I still managed to scare him a little because he pulled away before he opened his eyes. When he saw me, he almost snuggled back into my hand. It reminded me of my very first cat, the little black ball of fur I found on the street when I was barely ten. I named him Dusk because of his color and when he came to us I did everything I could to fatten him up. We slept together in my bed at night, because his soft purr always lulled me to sleep quickly. It was amazing how much Dusk and Noah were alike. Even in the semi-darkness next to the stage, my best friend's dark brown eyes glistened with unshed tears, which he tried to quickly blink away. His shoulders slumped forward in the thin linen jacket, and I'd bet his fingers were white under the faux-leather glove he wore on his left hand, clutching the microphone like a lifeline. He and Keaton were very close. In the last two years, they spent a lot of time together, especially during and after the Covid epidemic, when it was possible to travel. Even when they were far away, they kept in touch on a daily basis. Keaton was good with all of us, but he had a stronger bond with Noah. He wanted to remember him by playing their songs during the break after our opening band, but Eiley's song has never come at such a bad time.

“We can extend the time for five more minutes,” I told him, and meanwhile I looked back at Jolly, who was still fiddling with his headphones with the help of a sound technician, and Folio was deep in his own thoughts drumming on the wall, sometimes doing shoulder circles as a warm-up. "Everything's fine," Noah replied in a weak voice, to which I nodded hesitantly, lowered my hand, and took a step back. "I'm worthless to the world You're innocent and pure God, why didn't you choose me over her?”* They signaled to Noah, who gave a thumbs up as if everything was fine. Nonsense. I knew nothing was okay. Keaton's voice faded outside and soon the intro to our song began. I looked down at my guitar and after stretching my fingers I strummed a few chords just to pass the time. When Noah walked out and the crowd cheered, he wasn't as lost as he had been two minutes ago. He immediately filled the stage and sang like a fucking siren without faltering. I shook my head, feeling a little angry at myself for constantly underestimating him. It was about time to get used to that Noah wasn't ruined by all the crap that happened around him. On the contrary, it only strengthened him even more.

Two months later, I was sitting on the steps of the tour bus in Phoenix, beer in one hand and a half-smoked cigarette in the other, when I heard Noah's footsteps behind me. After a concert he liked to clear his head, so I thought he was going for his usual walk and I thought that I could join. I stood up to let him go, and when he stepped next to me, I was hit by the smell of his perfume. He had just stuffed his wallet into the back pocket of his pants, so I began to suspect that he had other plans for that evening. “Karin is in the city,” he said to me, but he didn't look at me, just watched the night lights. The blue neon lights of the bar glistened on the brunette's hair, and the tattoos running down his arms coiled around his skin like snakes. I thought I still had time. I thought I could figure something out before they met again in Salt Lake City. I blew out the last of the smoke, extinguished the butt, then slipped out of my denim jacket and held it out to him. “We will leave in the morning, be here by then.” Noah hesitantly took my jacket and looked at me. “That's it?” he asked in disbelief. I don't know what he expected. Maybe to remind him again that woman is crazy like hell? "I'm tired," I confessed to him. ”I can't save you from someone whose arms you keep running into. But I can do something to save you from catching a cold,” I gestured towards the jacket. He still didn't move, even though the situation was becoming more and more pressing for me, and the spring night wasn't nearly warm enough to keep me from getting goosebumps. I wrapped my arms around myself and hobbled in place. I kicked small stones with my boots on the asphalt of the parking lot and waited. I didn't care if I froze there, I wouldn't leave Noah alone as long as he needed me. The boys' laughter could be heard from inside the bus, a car honked on the street not far from us. I raised my head and immediately met a pair of dark eyes. Stared. I don't know how long or why. I swear he didn't even blink. Then he reached out and touched my arm under the sleeve of my shirt. “You are cold.” I blinked a few times, then started to move. I took the jacket from his hands and draped it over his shoulders. “But you don't have to be cold,” I answered him with an encouraging smile. “Everything will be okay. I will be okay,” he said quietly and gloomily. I don't know which of us he wanted to convince with this, but it didn't work. The smile immediately melted off my face. “Noah…” It's been a long time since my voice sounded so desperate when I said his name. I think all my fear must have been on my face because Noah took a step back and shook his head. I was ready to try again to get him to stay. We could have done so many things. From walking to sitting down to play video games with the boys. Or we could have gone to a nightclub to drink and to flirt with girls. Whatever, just don't let that cunt touch him again… He brushed his hair back and shrugged as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I have to go, Nick. We will talk in the morning.” And that was it. There was nothing I could do to keep him there.

I got home from the tattoo salon late that night and was so tired that all I could think about was my bed. But as soon as I stepped through the door, the strong smell of weed hit me. It went through the small apartment so intensely that I almost got sick of it. "Shit," I muttered to myself as I kicked off my shoes, dropped my bag on the floor, and headed for the bedroom with the goal of scolding Noah. The door was not locked on the little hole we called the bedroom, which was completely filled with my bed and the mattress that Noah had been sleeping on for months. When I entered, he was sitting on the bed, knees pulled up to his chin, and he was holding a weed cigarette between his long, thin fingers. As if he had completely forgotten about it, the ash fell onto my blanket and I was amazed that it hadn't caught fire yet. Noah didn't even notice I got home because he was listening to music on his earphones, and I was sure he was just physically in the room by the way he looked. I leaned towards him, took the cigarette from his fingers and crushed it in the ashtray. With that, I finally drew attention to myself, because after he looked up at me tensely, with red eyes. The Asian features of his face came to life, which normally I would have stared in fascination, but this was not a normal case. I forgot I wanted to yell at him for wasting the weed and almost setting our apartment on fire. Because by then we both owned that little flat. In the corner, next to my guitar, there was also his. Noah's things appeared in the bathroom, his shampoo, his toothbrush, he got half of my wardrobe and sometimes half of my bed… His clothes were just as messily scattered as mine, and he already had his favorite mug, from which he preferred to sip his coffee in the morning. I wanted to think that his eyes were red from smoking weed, but when he spoke, I had no doubt that he must have been crying for hours.

"I thought you'd come home earlier today," he said in a nasal tone after stopping the music and taking out his earphones. In the meantime, I opened the window without holding him responsible for why he did not do so. “I thought so too,” I answered him, then I fell down on the bed next to him. ”Another guest came at seven, and thought I would do miracles in two hours with an old, messed-up tattoo.” Noah nodded, then slowly stretched out his infinite legs. He was only sixteen then, but already a little taller than me. We sat speechless for a while and looked at each other. I was even more overcome by fatigue, and for a moment my eyes were probably closed too long while blinking, because I was jolted when Noah moved next to me. He took a deep breath, then let it out shakily. Our tattooed arms touched and I could feel the tremors running through his bones as he reached for his phone. Oh my god, he was so skinny. If I touched his arms, I was afraid I would crush him as if his limbs were made of thin glass fibers. “I got a message,” he whispered into the dimness, then put the phone on my thigh. I picked it up with a scared heart and started reading. I had a guess of what it might be, and honestly… I just didn't understand why it didn't come sooner. At first, Noah's mother tried to lure her son back to her side with sweet, but poisoned words, which in the end turned into mere threats. Every fucking word she wrote made me feel nauseous. “After half a year, she remembered that she had an underage son. Maybe she expects some kind of reward for it?” I asked, but mostly I meant it as a poetic question.

Noah tensed up next to me and started breathing faster. “I… I can't go back there. If… if you say I have to go back to her, I… rather… I…” "Hey Noah, I would never say that," I turned to him and tried to speak in the most soothing voice possible. But I was too late… By that time, tears were already falling, and he was clutching the crumpled bottom of his two-size-larger shirt. I was totally in shock because I had never seen anything like this before. What kind of friend is who doesn't recognize that the problem is so big? Noah was an old soul with a lot of shit and loss behind him, who blended in perfectly with the adults, so I tended to forget that he was still just a kid. But now there was a child next to me who was terrified. Whom fear brought out the worst. "I shouldn't be here," he said between sobs, to which I shook my head so fast that my hair hit my cheek. I knelt on the bed, turned to face him and tried to remove his fingers from his clothes. I just wanted to hold his hand… I just wanted him to know I was with him. “Noah…No! Don't tell me this!” I protested loudly, but he didn't listen to me. It's like he didn't even hear what I said. Instead, he drove himself deeper and deeper into madness. “I should have died a long time ago…years ago.” If he had only stabbed a dagger into my stomach with his words, this was the moment he twisted it. My chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe. Noah snapped his head back hard and his skull hit the wall loudly. After that, I couldn't focus on my own panic anymore, without thinking I put my hand on his head to protect him from himself. I didn't care that I might not be able to tattoo. My fingers ached as they met the hard wall, but I didn't really notice the pain. All I cared about was Noah and how I could keep him safe. I've been trying to figure out how to fix this. His cries and animalistic whining still ring in my ears, mixed with the sound of my heart's frantic beating. I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him close as he just cried and cried, his tears completely soaking my shirt. He was hugging my thighs as I knelt next to him, finally not wanting to hurt himself anymore.

That night, I only left his side when I brought him water from the kitchen. Then we both got into bed and Noah turned to face me, but half of his red face from crying was hidden in the pillow and the other half was covered by his hair. I quickly got rid of my tight jeans, threw them on the side of the bed and took his phone in my hand. He was watching what I was doing, but he didn't speak. First, without any guilt, I deleted his mother's message, then opened his music. It didn't surprise me that he was listening to Castle Of Glass by Linkin Park when I got home. I flipped through the playlist and started our favorite song As Cities Burn after giving him one of the earbuds. "Won't you come down, heaven. Won't you come down? Won't you cut through the clouds? Won't you come down?”** At the first chorus, he already closed his eyes, and only then did I allow myself to relax a little. I carefully reached towards him, smoothed the strands falling from his face behind his ears, and then I closed my eyes too. I begged myself to fall into a dreamless sleep. In the morning, when we woke up, Noah helped me untangle the earbuds’ cord from my hair. We parted laughing, shoving a piece of toast into our mouths. He went to a band rehearsal, and I went to a place that has become my second home, the tattoo salon. My fingers got away with it quite well, with a small bruise on one of the joints, which only started to hurt a little towards the end of the day. We didn't discuss anything else about that night. Maybe I regret it since then, but what can I say? I was just a scared kid too, too stupid to help his friend more. Noah's mother died less than two months later. I didn't feel for a minute that she was a loss to the world.

He has become a grown man since and he doesn't need me to protect him from the world. I watched motionless as he walked down the street to get into a taxi. His tall, thin figure disappeared around the corner and I could finally get my legs moving. I got on the bus, grabbed a new bottle of beer from the fridge and joined the others. Folio showed Matt some funny videos and Jolly typed a message on his phone. I sat next to him on the couch and started reading the news. "He won't be able to do this for long," said Jolly next to me in a strong Swedish accent. When it was late and he was tired, he didn't pay so much attention to speaking English with perfect pronunciation. But there's nothing wrong with that, we've been working together for so long, and we've been friends for so long that we understand each other with half a word. “What do you mean?” I turned to him. I slipped out of my boots, slid off the couch, and put my feet up on the small table. I rested my head on the backrest and wiped the steam from the side of the glass with my thumb. “For Noah's secret night meetings. Matt had told him before when saw that he wanted to go out on the town all by himself.” “It doesn't happen that often. And it's not a secret where he's going, he told me he was meeting Karin,” I took him to my defense immediately. “Anyway, why can't he go? The fans had left for an hour, no one was out there. And it's not that he hit the town on foot. He called a taxi.” “That girl is strange,” Jolly grimaced. You do not say.. “When she came to our place, Noah wasn't quite himself.” Recently, I felt guilty for not trying to stop him more firmly, but I reminded myself: Noah pointed out rather angrily during an argument about this that I can't protect him from everything. "If a little fuck puts him in a better mood, we're all fine with that," Folio interjected when Matt left us alone. Maybe I gave him a nasty look from behind my beer bottle, because he held his hands up defensively. I took another sip, then realized I didn't even want the beer. I put the bottle on the table, brushed my teeth in our small bathroom, and went to sleep. At least I wanted to sleep, but I must have been tossing and turning for another hour.

It felt like I had barely closed my eyes when something started to tingle my nose. I brushed it off at first, but then Noah's soft chuckle crept into my consciousness. I groaned then pulled the pillow over my head planning to go back to sleep. I kicked the blanket off because I was hot, and it turned out, it was a big mistake. Ice cold fingers touched my side, the muscles in my stomach jumped and I let out a muffled moan. “Fuck me!” I grumbled hoarsely as I caught Noah's hand, who was just putting the other one in front of my mouth. "Shh, the others are still sleeping," he whispered excitedly with sparkling eyes. “I want to sleep too,” I answered after pulling his hand away from my mouth. “Come on, Nick. I'm hungry. I want breakfast.” “Why can’t you eat?” “Missing your company.” I sighed. “Go to the kitchen. Give me five minutes and I'll be there.” "If I leave you here, you'll go back to sleep," he said accusingly, as if he had every right not to let me go back to sleep. “And I would go a little further for breakfast than the bus kitchen. But I promise, it's worth it. You will love the place.” Another sigh, but I sat up with half-closed eyes, then pulled on a pair of pants and a thick hoodie. My jacket was still on him and he didn't seem like he wanted to give it back.

After five minutes, Noah got off the bus energetically, and I, wrapped in my hoodie, got off the bus grumpily. It was just dawn, around half past six. Noah finally slowed his steps and stopped in front of me, facing me. My hair would have been a complete disaster, not to mention the pillow creases on my face, or my eyes, which I could barely keep open. "You're sweet when you are sleepy," he said finally. He looked at me with a smile, then pulled the hood over my head and did the same with his own. ”I don't want to be recognized.” “Come on! Who would be awake this early?” I asked sarcastically, yawning into my palm. We walked down the street and luckily he was right, we really didn't have to walk far before we got to the breakfast place. Too tired to read the sign, I just entered the small but friendly coffee shop and sighed as I was greeted by a pleasant warmth inside. I said hello to the gray lady behind the counter. When I saw the first cat, licking its paws on a chair, I turned to Noah questioningly, who just shrugged. "I thought you missed your little monsters," he said. A big smile spread across my face. A cat café. I was already less sleepy when I crouched next to the kitten and let him sniff my hand. Then I noticed even more hairballs and I didn't even know which one to go to. Meanwhile, Noah ordered us coffee and breakfast at the counter. I heard the old lady laughingly answer him when asked why they were open so early: “If the kittens wake up, why can't I open the cafe?”

I smiled as I scratched the head of a calico sitting next to the wall, and we blinked at each other for a long time. After ordering, Noah came over and sat next to me. "The chick likes you," he remarked when the kitten was placed on my lap. “What kind of chick? She is a lady here,” I caressed the hairy ears. Laughing softly, Noah leaned forward and, using the kitten etiquette he'd learned from me, introduced himself to our newest friend before petting her. Now that the hood was off his head, I noticed the bite marks on his neck. The dark red spot was located right on the border between his tattoo and his bare skin so that it was just noticeable. I swallowed, tore my gaze from his neck, and reassured myself that Noah didn't seem as lost now as he did after most of his meetings with Karin. Maybe she has changed. Maybe she finally realized what she had to lose? Noah's fingers accidentally touched mine in the kitten's soft fur, and we smiled at each other as the furball began to purr loudly. I haven't seen Noah this happy since before Keaton's death. Maybe Karin isn't so bad after all? We ate breakfast sitting on the floor with a cat each in our laps and had to run back to the bus before departure.

*Too Close To Touch - Eiley **As Cities Burn - Contact

[amarimeta]

The Television Academy watching Carrie Coon deliver one of the greatest performances of the decade: No

The Television Academy watching Carrie Coon act cunty in a soap opera: Yes

no because literally WHAT GOES ON.

gilded age mutuals look away if you must but COME ON. LETS BE SERIOUS. i looooooove gilded age i love nothing television i love this stupid soapy show about my beautiful princess with a disorder and the entire town who hates her. HOWEVER. you (the academy) need to look me in the EYE and tell me carrie’s performance as bertha russell is the best she’s ever done. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. i LOVE bertha. but she is NOT the crazy girl of all time. she is NOT the bravest girl on earth. she is NOT nora durst.

“ace you have to think about the strength of schedule” THE LEFTOVERS WAS ONLY EVER NOMINATED FOR ONE EMMY. AND IT WAS FOR ANN DOWD GUEST ACTRESS IN THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD (and his identical twin brother). LIKE THATS A WHOLE OTHER CAN OF WORMS. the show was never nominated. the writing was never nominated. the directing was never nominated. i have no love for the man but justin theroux was never nominated?? CARRIE?!?! WAS ?!?! NEVER ?!?!? NOMINATED ??!?!,!?!?! after the performance of HER lifetime, MY lifetime, every single person who ever has or ever will live’s lifetime???

do not click the read more unless you want me to complain about strength of schedule for each season. i get very specific i’m sorry.

SEASON 1 - 67th primetime emmy awards

BEST DRAMA

game of thrones season 5 (WINNER)

better call saul season 1

downton abbey season 5

homeland season 4

house of cards season 3

mad men season 7 part 2

orange is the new black season 2

haven’t watched house of cards or homeland (to be fair i DID watch homeland s5 for miranda otto like five years ago), haven’t watched oitnb in YEARS, haven’t gotten to mad men season 7 OR downton season 5 yet. HOWEVER. i do not care. take downton s5 off from there. mind u i bought the downton collectors boxset two weeks ago i have all the dvds i have a stupid ass bell TAKE IT OFF AND PUT THE LEFTOVERS ON THERE!!!! or take homeland season 4 off idc what happened on it but why is tracy letts a main character on a show nominated YOUR WIFE IS BEING ROBBED TRACY!!! DEFEND HER!!! wait i just realized i hadn’t even mentioned game of thrones season 5 being the winner. i can’t say anything at this point i just have to laugh.

lead actor jon hamm won for mad men again idk what happens in s7 i haven’t even finished season 1. as a newsroom and better call saul enjoyer i will not advocate for either of them to be removed so get rid of kevin spacey and put theroux up there. would carrie have been nominated as lead for s1? i think she’d be supporting no? in which case take emilia clarke off for game of thrones I’M SORRY I’M NOT HATING BUT WE NEED TO BE REALISTIC HERE. IT IS SEASON 5 GAME OF THRONES. YOU ARE NOT OUTDOING NORA DURST. supporting actor christopher get your ass up there!! jonathan banks get your ass down here. i will sound like a jonathan banks hater in the rest of this post and i’m not we just need to be serious here as a collective. mike ehrmantraut could never do the leftovers. sorry. (jim carter nom for carson on downton is actually for me personally which i think is beautiful).

mother’s mercy winning for best directing AND best writing is insane. game of thrones we will never forgive you for many things. (unrelated how did bcs five-o get a best writing nom and not any other episode of season 1. mike lovers have too much power in our society. we need to kill them.)

SEASON 2 AKA THE STRONGEST SEASON OF TELEVISION YOU CAN EVER WATCH IN YOUR LIFE - 68th primetime emmy awards

BEST DRAMA

game of thrones season 6 (winner)

the americans season 4

better call saul season 2

downton abbey season 6

homeland season 5

house of cards season 4

mr. robot season 1

AGAIN. GAME OF THRONES WINNING BEST DRAMA LIKE YOU ARE NOOOOT SERIOUS PEOPLE. YOU ARE JOKING. americans and bcs <33 downton season 6 i’ve heard awful things about you. homeland season 5 HEY that’s the season i watched!! yea get rid of game of thrones and put the leftovers in there and MAKE THE LEFTOVERS WIN. IMMEDIATELY.

lead actor idk get rid of kevin spacey again. lead actress tatiana maslany i know you were working overtime im so sorry unfortunately i’m taking this away from you. please understand i’ll give it back to you for a different year but this one is carrie’s. btw im replacing claire danes on homeland in terms of nominations. supporting actress i cannot believe i am taking this away from maggie smith but we are giving this to either ann dowd, regina king, or amy brenneman. MIND YOU REGINA KING WON FOR SUPPORTING IN A LIMITED SERIES SO I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE HER THE DOUBLE WHAMMY but if you want to argue its ann dowd i will not fight you. also get maura tierney off of that nominations list NOT HATING ON MAURA simply hating on the affair. we need to be serious. supporting actor i’m taking down jonathan banks and kit harrington sorry putting up christopher eccelston and kevin carroll. i’ll let the academy decide who wins but it IS between them two. no one else. sorry.

battle of the bastards winning both writing and directing again hey guys not sure if i’ve mentioned this before but i hate game of thrones the television show that cannot hurt me and isn’t real!!! and also THAT SEASON WAS NOT GOOD. directing wise we’re getting rid of the door for game of thrones and writing wise we’re getting rid of battle of the bastards CONGRATULATIONS THE LEFTOVERS SEASON TWO EPISODE EIGHT INTERNATIONAL ASSASSIN YOU ARE THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER!!! THE BEST EPISODE OF TELEVISION EVER!!!! YOU DID IT!!! YOU HAVE NOW WON BEST DIRECTING AND BEST WRITING YIPPEE!!!!

SEASON 3 (my beloved) - 69th primetime emmy awards

BEST DRAMA

the handmaid’s tale season 1 (winner)

better call saul season 3

the crown season 1

house of cards season 5

stranger things season 1

this is us season 1

westward season 1

sorry handmaid’s tale you are not keeping the win. you can keep the nom i guess. get rid of stranger things for me. anyways the leftovers season three you ARE THE FATHER!!! (but also hiii better call saul season 3)

lead actor i like sterling k brown so he’s keeping the win but once again goodbye spacey and theroux enjoy your nomination. lead actress elisabeth not only are you not getting the win i might take the nomination from you too. sorry. carrie coon needs it more. we need to be on the right side of history. supporting actress ann dowd won which i can’t BE TOO UPSET ABOUT but im taking millie bobby brown’s nomination away and giving it to amy brenneman like i’m sorry but we need to be serious here. supporting actor i’m taking jonathan banks and mandy patinkin down and putting up christopher eccelston and kevin carroll. OBVIOUSLY.

AND OF COURSE ANN DOWD IS WINNING FOR BEST GUEST ACTRESS LIKE. alexis bledel sweetie i’m sorry but that award is not yours. but please take a picture with alison wright for me i would enjoy that.

best directing went to handmaid’s tale offred. i’m sure it was a good ep. anyways taking that down and taking stranger things ep 1 down and putting both most powerful man in the world and book of nora. book of nora is winning probably. (also taking down bcs witness and putting up chicanary. like come on here folks). best writing ALSO went to offred yea sorry. it can stay up i guess i’m just taking down stranger things ep 1 and putting up book of nora which will be winning. (notice how chicanery was properly nominated here).

well that’s all from me!!! so happy that everything i just wrote actually happened!! i can’t believe the leftovers won so many emmys BUT IT WAS WELL DESERVED!!

[kikigeh]

Want to know how I know Frozen 3 will most definitely not be great? The announcement of a Frozen 4.

The problem with Frozen 2 was that it had many, many ideas and they attempted, and utterly failed, to condense them into one singular linear story; the problem with Frozen 3 is that they "have so many ideas" that they realized they can't realistically condense them into one singular movie so their solution to "not repeat a frozen 2" is to instead push for ALL ideas to move forward which in turn has given them an overly lengthy cut.

Watching Frozen 1 in cinemas for the first time in a long while really reminded me how Frozen worked because it was very very simple and most of its heart was in the two "main" characters and how they navigated through life after a horrendous situation they were put through.

The heart of Frozen is not all the mystical and mythical elements that they can't get enough of attempting to push, hell, the most compelling part of Elsa as a character was just how raw and human she felt DESPITE having otherworldly powers.

I truly don't know which road they're taking the franchise through, but if the podcast and the books that have come out are anything to go by, it's straying way too far from what made the first movie compelling and enjoyable: its freaking simplicity.

[creepyfruit]

Favorite Exocolonist characters? And maybe least favorites if you have any?

I'll give you my character tier list (I decided to include only the kids idk maybe I'll make a separate one for adults)

Answer under the cut ↓

My least fav is obviously Vace. I don't think I need to elaborate but to make it clear l, I haven't ever tried to befriend him so I don't know much about him other than his obsession with killing things, being abusive and a bully.

Next I'll have to put Nomi Nomi not because I don't like them but simply because I've never went out of my way to befriend them so I don't really have an opinion.

Cal was my best friend in my first play through so it hurts me to put him so low but he deserves it. Listen mate I love animals as much as the average gal but you're doing too much. The victim blaming as well?? I'm sorry that I was born on a spaceship set to colonize an alien planet, what did you want me to do? Swim through space and go back to earth? Also your girlfriend's dad died a horrid death and that's still all you have to say? Pacifism isn't a good look on an environment like this one.

Rex is a great dude, there's nothing I dislike about him, he's just simply not as interesting as the others.

Tammy is also kind of on the same boat. I did have a lot of hearts with her on my second play through and helping her be more confident was a very enjoyable journey, she is obviously very kind and empathetic and that makes her incredibly likable. I wish she had some flaws to make a bit more realistic.

This is where things get tough because all the next characters are kinda close but Nem will have to take this one. I romanced her in my most recent play through and she really is just the cutest... until Kom dies and she adopts the whole Helio package. She did become slightly annoying even though I understand her trauma. It's good that you can help her grow out of it, that gives her bonus points. A fun character with some nice character development.

And here comes everyone's fav boy Dys. It took a lot of trying to befriend him, he made it very hard for me and I liked that. I liked how they made him weird and antisocial, he wasn't the misunderstood boy that no one likes but rather it's actually the opposite. His relationship with Tang is so beautifully complex I love every part of it although I still haven't gotten them to reconcile (that damn bar will be the death of me). I would have put him much lower if it wasn't for the exploration buddies relationship that he had with Sol because the most unlikable thing about him (that I honestly never understood) is his obsession with the gardeners. Maybe it's my lack of understanding or the fact that I never really went down that road (making him a gardener/befriending Sym) because it creeps me out but I just don't like his views on the subject. And also I hate his relationship with Sym, nothing cute about a 100+ yo alien praying on a 16 yo boy.

Marz is a character that I thought I was going to hate straight from my first play through. She seemed like the typical mean girl character, who's very pretty has a lot of money is obsessed with clothes and stuff and also bullies every one just because but she's not exactly like that. Sure she has kudos and status and loves her fashion but she has genuinely kind intentions behind her "bullying". She doesn't understand how words can hurt because due to her augument they can't hurt her, she thinks she's helping Dys fit in with her comments and she doesn't want him to be lonely. She's naturally a very commanding person and a true leader but she isn't looking for mindless sheep, she wants you to have self respect and a backbone and I love her for that. Also bonus points to our girl for helping us overthrow the government. I have to say though, all the above doesn't excuse the fact that she can be seriously mean sometimes, but we love her regardless.

My favourite girl, my sweet baby Tangent, who's gone through so much but no matter what you do she doesn't really get a happy ending. I had my eye on her the moment I saw her (her child sprite reminded me of Ino from Naruto that's why) and she was my first romance. Obviously that didn't end well cause my first ending turned out to be tangent's cure (I thought I was just helping my gf bro) and now I'm scared to even talk to her thinking I'll trigger it again but I love her non the less. She's such a complex character I could talk about her for days (special thanks to the person with the multiple tangent discussion posts) her relationship with Dys, the obviously toxic and abusive relationship with Instance, her importance to a whole colony at such a young age, the fact that she's held to adult standards which results in self harming habits and her loneliness, her struggle with mental illness and the death of her mother. I'm writing everything down in a synopsis pretty much because if I start I won't stop. I also love how this abusive relationship was handled compared to Nem and Vace. No matter what you say she won't see how bad Instance is for her and the product of all this abuse is ultimately horrible for her. It adds a realism that hurts to death but is necessary. I also adore her character because it gives us a reminder that not everyone gets a happy ending in life, sometimes the things people go through never really leave them, although admittedly I would kill to see my baby happy, she deserves it.

[dutifullylazybread]

Tav Character Worksheet: Tav of The Dock Ward

Thank you @faerunsbest and @commander-krios for this tag! It took me a minute (and a century), but I am catching up now!

No pressure tags: @voloslobotomyservice @kimberbohwrites @savriea

Name: Tav of the Dock Ward (in-game, I named her Cassandra, but it's just easier to refer to her as Tav when talking about her online).

Age: I leave it fairly vague, but I'd say late twenties to early thirties.

Gender: Cis!woman

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: she/her

Tav voice: voice 4

Family: Both of her parents are deceased. Her father was originally from Icewind Dale, and her mother was from Baldur's Gate. She hasn't met her paternal grandparents, and she is unsure if they are alive. She supposedly has several cousins in the Dale, but she hasn't met any of them. Her maternal grandparents lived in Baldur's Gate but passed away during an epidemic. She had an aunt who was an adventurer, but that aunt hasn't been heard from in several decades.

Birthplace: Born and raised in her family's home in the dock ward.

Job(s): While attending Blackstaff, she worked as an (underpaid) research assistant and she was also responsible for maintaining several academy herb gardens. When she left the academy, she worked as a glassblower and a stained glass-artist for the artisans' guild in Baldur's Gate.

Phobia(s): Abandonment, for sure.

Guilty Pleasures: She loves reading smut novels.

Hobbies: She loves reading poetry, cooking, and gardening. She used to press flowers while at Blackstaff--she actually gave her flower presses to Halsin as a thank-you gift at one point. Had she the resources more readily available, she would create more stained glass art pieces for her personal enjoyment.

alignment: Neutral good

sins: Hmm. This is a tough one. She most definitely got into a fistfight with one of the other artisans who worked at the artisan's guild (both of them had to pay fines for damaging guild property). The artisan in question was responsible for balancing the guild's books and had skimmed money off of more than one of Tav's commissions. She tried to report it to the owners of the guild and was ignored.

virtues: She does believe in simply helping people because "isn't that just what you do when someone is struggling?" She grew up in a tightly-knit community that pitched in to help where they could, so being a 'do-gooder' adventurer comes naturally because it is what she has always known. However, when she got to Blackstaff and realized how competitive and underhanded academia could be, she became a bit more hesitant to accept the help of others.

This or That? This?

Introverted or extraverted? Introverted

Organized or disorganized? Chaotically organized. She will know where everything she needs is, but if someone tries to find something with her organization system, they're going to struggle.

Closed or open-minded? Open-minded

Calm, anxious, or restless? She likes to think she is calm, and occasionally, she is. Otherwise, she is a very anxious person.

Disagreeable or agreeable? Agreeable, but sometimes too agreeable.

Cautious or reckless? It depends. While conducting research, she is usually cautious and will expect things to go wrong. But if she feels as if she has been thrown into a corner, she can be very, very reckless.

Patient or impatient? Patient to a point.

Outspoken or reserved? Reserved on most things, but if she thinks someone is wrong, she's gonna let them know.

Leader or follower? The type of leader who is elected to be one and says, "Wait, what? Since when? I just made a suggestion and everyone was fine with it. That's not leading."

Empathetic or apathetic? Empathetic

Optimist, pessimist, or realist? She is an optimist when it comes to everyone else--she wants to assume that people have the best intentions, even if she struggles to ask for their help. She is a pessimist when it involves anything she is doing--the self-doubt is agonizing.

Traditional or modern? I'd say she leans more towards modernity when I consider her character. She wanted to build out the Artisan's Guild to also offer artificing services, which felt like a move away from how the guild had been run for decades at that point.

Hardworking or lazy? It depends. She takes a lot of pride in her work, and she will happily toil into the late hours of the night, scrap designs over and over again. But if she thinks something should be easy or unimportant (laundry comes to mind), she's lazy. She'll wash her clothes, but she is slow to fold and put away, for example.

OTP: Rolan x Tav

BROTP: Karlach and her were best friends. Their dynamic was, "That is a horrible idea. It's going to go terribly wrong. We're gonna do it, right?"

This isn't to say that she didn't have other close friendships with her companions, however.

NOTP: Probably the Emperor. He really fucked with her "assume everyone has the best of intentions" mindset when she found out about Orpheus and Ansur. That isn't to say she still isn't conflicted about him, however.

[nextinline-if]

I’ve seen people ask authors who they’d ship their characters with, but I’m curious which ROs, from other WIPs, are your favorite? Is there any specific reason?

I absolutely love your story so much! You’re wonderful!

I'm unsure if both of these asks are yours, but I'm sorry it took so long to answer (like months RIP). Screenshot one was recent the other is older. Also thank you anon for your sweet words. <3

I appreciate your no-choice-patience <3 This is such a fun question. I read it wrong for about 4 months and kept stressing about which ROs to ship with mine. My brain was NOT working.

I'm being fucking serious, unfortunately. Please laugh at me in the comments. </3

Here are some of my favorite ROs from other WIPs:

Seven - @infamous-if; I can write a paragraph about why I like Seven but does anyone really want that? Heh. When the game first started, I was SO ready to be like "f you Seven, you jerk!" And then we find out that Seven still has that tattoo. Okay, interest peaked. Well, played. You got me f'ed up. I like to play tropes where it's from ex - to enemies - to lovers. Juicy stuff right there.

Ari - @theoperativeif; There's something really enticing about not just a slow burn but a slow burn that has the extra burn because of the obstacles in the relationship that prevent you from reaching each other. Ouch. I normally don't like slowwwww burns. Like, a little slow is good cause it's realistic but like where I ONLY get to imagine them in my MC's head or in memories? Got me f'ed up. (Again). I think I like this because of the trauma the two characters have faced together. Is trauma bond a tope? Don't know but let's go with that.

Blade - @shepherds-of-haven; On a surface level, you get a character who fights for those he cares for, has strong convictions, and is hard to get close to. I'm a sucker for those. But on a deeper level, I really enjoy the way his story is written and told. Unearthing Blade's past and trying to weave your MC into this complex character's heart. Not sure what trope is going on here but I'll take it all.

Sol - @theabyssal; Yeah, my Death is pretty pissed at Sol right now...but you're telling me that literal sunshine fell for Death? The Abyssal has A+ writing as is, but adding an incredible love story like that really hooks my soppy lil heart. The complexities...THE COMPLEXITIES. I'm on the edge of my f-ing seat here people. I want Sol to suffer and beg my Death for forgiveness. And my Death will make Sol suffer emotionally and then accept the forgiveness :') (she's a weak betch)

Dara - @ataleofcrowns; I mean, I LOVE forbidden/let's romance my general type of vibe. But Dara is an exquisitely written character. The whole game is beautiful but the characters are so full of depth. There's always another layer. Plus, I normally play a shier MC but I like catching Dara off guard. It's so enjoyable. Got me giggling and shit.

There are plenty of other lovely ROs from amazing IFs that I like but these came to the top of my mind and I didn't want to make this too long. I like tropes that f me up emotionally. More tears = better. Rip my heart out. Maybe put it back in. Maybe leave is on the ground. Author's choice.

That said, I go for a lot of different tropes and try to do multiple playthroughs to romance all or most of the cast. I think every character can offer something different and I don't want to miss out <3

[420technoblazeit]

joining the ask train about your post about the characters in the pilot because i feel the same way!! i think most of the characters are far more enjoyable in the show than the pilot personally, like i remember watching the pilot when it released and i enjoyed it but the characters just didn’t stick super well with me and i could take it or leave it.

now i love most of them! i feel the same with angel, and for me husk too. i literally did not gaf about husk in the pilot. to be fair he had crazy little screen time but i still was just like man this guy just seems like a dick. but now he’s by far my favorite character and i absolutely adore him, and he’s also a good guy despite the things he struggles with. can’t wait for season two ughehdbkr

god yeah. i think the additional context helps too like ofc youre going to be a little grumpy when the guy who owns your soul, who you thought was dead for 7 years, shows up and chains your alcoholic ass to a shitty hotel bar. id also be a little pissed off. i feel like my opinion on vaggie changed a lot too but im chalking that up to her being a way more collected and less angry person in the show

she kind of feels like the reasonable one in the group now and i like it bc it highlights my favorite part of her dynamic with charlie which is that she's the realist to charlie's optimist. she does a really good job of grounding her while still being supportive of her ideas and giving some tough love when charlie can't. i think vaggie in general is pretty underrated tbh she's in my top 5 favorite characters

[practically-an-x-man]

For Talk Shop Tuesday: Give us the director's cut on your latest piece of writing!

Ooooh sure thing!!

So my latest piece of writing (not counting a new piece I will hopefully have finished tonight...) is Share Your Burdens, the new pre-relationship IndiHux fic I posted just before I did my masterlist redux. Let's get into it!!

Talk Shop Tuesday

Most stepped aside as they noticed him coming, and the only ones that remained were those facing the wrong way or otherwise too distracted to notice. If he were truly in a rush, he might have been sharper with them. But he knew from his conversations with Indigo that mealtimes were often the only break from work they got, and… he could find it within himself to be a bit more lenient, it seemed.

Right off the bat, we do see the way speaking to Indie has started to soften him, just a little. And it's not just their conversation about breaktimes that has him being a little gentler, but Indie's behavior itself - he knows that when she gets really into a conversation, she might not notice the people passing by around her, and it's by no means an intentional or rude gesture, so he learns to ascribe that same benign distraction to the others around him and be a little more lenient with them.

Especially in this stage of their relationship, she really helps him recognize this more grounded perspective, especially since he's never really had that himself - hyper-strict military childhood straight to a commanding position in the First Order, trained (intentionally or not) by his father to see everything as a power play or personal slight, so Indie's gentler perspective is a very good thing for him to experience at this stage in his life.

So many conversations in his life turned to the war, the ship, the cycling of duties, but Indie seemed more inclined to speak about the mundane and hopeful. It was refreshing in a number of ways.

This is part of the reason he even begins to soften to her. She obviously still respects him, but she's not in fear of him the way so many others are, and she doesn't enjoy talking about war. I'd imagine he subconsciously sees most people as instruments of war (again, how he was raised thanks to his father), but he can't do that with Indie because she never gives him an opening. She doesn't talk about war, she doesn't get all squirrelly about being face-to-face with General Hux, she forces his brain to see her as a real living person straight from the beginning and that's enough for him to start breaking down those ingrained biases.

Early-stage Hux is hard to write, honestly. He's an asshole in the movies and I'll fully acknowledge that, but for the fic to work I had to make him at least somewhat likeable, or at least open enough to change that he'll become likeable. And I'm a stickler for characterization. Making him too nice or understanding is definitely OOC, but making him too much of an asshole just isn't fun to read or write. And on top of that, he's got such a rich backstory that we never even see in the movies, and I think his character has a lot of complexity that the movies just end up dropping entirely. But as a writer, I spent the whole time wondering if I was making him too OOC, if the character growth I gave him was realistic at all, if it was too much of a departure from canon to even be enjoyable, etc..

Idk, I'm rambling. I just see so many of his actions as being motivated by his personal history and the way he was raised, less that it's what he inwardly believes and more what he's been trained to believe by his father, and to me that makes him very capable of change and growth as long as he's motivated to work for it. But... not everyone will see that from him, and it makes me worry I've misread things entirely.

Perhaps not implicitly, and perhaps he’d never have the honor of knowing her to that level, but… he could recognize that something was troubling her. That was a start.

Have to say, I love writing these little moments of dramatic irony whenever I write pre-relationship fics that exist after the main fic like this. There's just something about the image of him going "I'll never get to be that close to her :(" while everyone who reads this knows he'll end up literally sacrificing everything for her that makes me absolutely feral. It's such a specific little trope, but I love it.

He wondered if any of those thoughts were appearing on his face. She always seemed so adept at reading him.

What's funny is that if you place this fic in the actual timeline with the rest, this is the stage where Indie still feels like he's impossible to read. I intentionally wanted that bit of dissonance here, where from her perspective he's still inscrutable and from his perspective she can see everything - because Indie's used to reading people automatically and he's hard to read, while Hux has been walled-off and isolated his whole life and even the little flickers Indie gets feel like she's staring right into his soul.

“I mean, I know you excused me from the address as a thank-you for what happened in the elevator, but you got me Zero’s paperwork, and then you made all those scheduling revisions, and the new on-call regulations…

The scheduling revisions and on-call regulations are actually a bit of super deep-cut lore that I never actually put into the fic itself- only a tumblr post. The gist of it is that speaking to her so often made him notice a lot of systemic issues that the other higher-ups didn't even glance at, and he quietly begins to repair them (not even as a romantic gesture to her, just because he recognizes them as problems and seeks to fix them)

“Oh, and- here. Figure you haven’t eaten, given you weren’t at lunch.”

These two in particular have a bit of an ongoing theme of food as a symbol of love. Most of their early bonding and interactions take place around the cafeteria and meeting up for lunch, and after Indie gets long-distance attacked by Palpatine in one of the chapters of B&B, Hux has a whole internal struggle about telling her he loves her... which he then bails on, and Indie's next words are "Did you eat?". Then when they're on Ajan Kloss, the first scene of them openly together is sitting at one of the picnic tables, when Indigo redirects the rotten fruit that gets thrown at Hux. Finally, in the last scene before the epilogue, where Indie is in bed and recovering from surgery, Hux's first words are to urge her to eat something. There are other scenes, of course, but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

And of course, we have this here - before he's even begun to admit his feelings about her to himself, he remembers to grab her something to eat because he knows she hasn't.

Oh, and there's a reason for this - Indie grew up food-insecure due to living on Corellia, and Hux's mother canonically worked in the kitchens on Arkanis (which was often his only reprieve from his father). Food has a lot of meaning for both of them, and carries a lot of the emotion they can't always bear to admit.

The second was that, for once in his life, he was positive that he was doing the right thing.

This right here is my favorite line in the fic. I don't even have much else to say about it, I feel like the line itself lays it out pretty clearly, but I think it shows so much of Hux's character in such a succinct little package. He's an innately troubled person, constantly pushing himself beyond what he can reasonably take, so having a decision that he feels truly, one hundred percent confident in (and having it be a selfless decision at that) is a really impactful thing for him.

“He’s anxious but very well-trained. Resolve this quickly and there should be no issues. And… assess his nutrition and give him a full dietary panel. He seems thin.”

I'm not sure how much this really comes across in the fic and how much is just in my own head, but... Hux projects himself onto Zero. That line about him seeming thin was meant to be the biggest hint towards that, since in canon Hux's father would criticize him about being "thin as a slip of paper and just as useless" (that line is also the inspiration for Indie's recycled paper mural on the wall of her quarters, which we see in B&B).

Hux sees this thin, anxious creature that is incredibly devout to Indigo, and while he doesn't recognize it on any conscious level, he sees a bit of himself reflected there. That same subconscious reflection is what drives him to take care of Zero for her (a way of making up for all the care he didn't have as a child), and why he chooses to pay for the nutrition panel even though Zero doesn't strictly need it.

“He’s also ordered a weekly nutrition panel. Apparently Zero’s a bit malnourished. I’ll come to collect him next week, same time, for the next treatment.”

He lies about ordering the panel for Zero because he knows Indigo would protest if she knew it was coming out of his pocket. She's already on the fence, even when she believes it's all the Order's resources, so he just... lets her keep believing it's the Order's resources instead of tipping the scales.

I know I said before that it's tough to write Hux especially in the early stages, but this was one of the few details that came easily to me. It blends his cleverness and cunning with those first little glimmers of him softening for her, and to me just really feels like something he'd do. I don't know how to describe it, but I do know that this moment was locked in from the moment I started writing this fic.

“Hm. She’s pretty, for a rescue. I thought for sure she was a purebred, like from a breeder and all.”

I'm sure there are a lot of people who would choose to make Millicent a purebred, breeder-bought animal, probably as an echo of how strict Hux is about how he wants things in his life. He likes things in line, in order, with that perfect facade of professionalism, so that would even influence his pets.

But I went a different direction: like I said before with him and Zero, I think he subconsciously projects himself onto the animals. He sees them as these lost, fragile things, like the young boy he was growing up on Arkanis, and he bonds to them. Millicent being a rescue is almost symbolic to me - not just because he and Indie are both "rescues" of their own right, but because it's another thing in his life that isn't quite what it appears to be. She's a beautiful animal and most people who see her would assume that she's a legacy breed that he paid a lot of money for, just because that's what they view General Hux to be like, when in reality she was an impromptu rescue from a random shelter, adopted not for appearance but for companionship and temperament.