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awed-frog · 7 years

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I really dont want this to happen. But if Cas die, do you think their relationship at this stage is so close, so in love enough that Dean will do everything to resurrect Cas?

That’s a complicated and painful question, and I want to try and answer purely form a narrative point of view, focusing on Dean, and not Misha and Dabb and all the other real life trappings.

The short answer is, no - I don’t think he would.

First, Dean is acutely aware of the fact that he understands next to nothing about Cas’ world. He doesn’t know how to heal an angel, how to bring one back. He doesn’t even understand when something is seriously off, and when a few days of rest will be enough to make everything better. He doesn’t know if angels need to breathe, he doesn’t have much in his arsenal to help Cas when he’s injured, he can’t pray to other angels because they all hate them both, and he can’t step into Heaven without being incinerated on the spot. Plus, despite the time they’ve spent together, Dean doesn’t get Cas like he would Sam, or another human being. He’s done his best, and he’s really tried to relate to him - that scene when he tentatively compared what John had done to him with the relationship God has with His angels almost made me cry, because there is where you see it - Dean cares so much, and he tries so hard, but the thing is, he can’t really understand. He’s only human, after all. For instance, Cas spent the entirety of their time together in Purgatory feeling he deserved to be there, his heart set on staying there, and Dean didn’t pick up on that at all. Also, he prefers not to think about the history Cas has with his brothers, or the obligation he feels he has towards Heaven. It’s a form of self-defence, perhaps, but what it means is that whenever Cas dies or goes dark, Dean is left with nothing, because not only he knows that he’s got no information at all on angels and what happens to them when they die and how to help them when they’re in danger - he also knows he’s just a human being, and it’s probably not in his power to save Cas. He wouldn’t even know where to start. In this sense, it was significant that Crowley was the one to attempt something, and not Dean, after Cas was poisoned by Ramiel’s lance. So this is why, I think, Dean took a step back and drowned himself in hunts and booze whenever something happened to Cas in the past. There’s nothing in John’s journal, no instructions as to what you should do when your angel buddy is taken over by Leviathans and walks into a river and disappears. No way to know if he’s alive, no info anywhere on how to bring him back.

Second, there’s the problem of what Cas wants. On the whole, Cas seems to not care an awful lot whether he lives or dies. It’s likely he’s got a whole different understanding of what death even is. We’ve seen him listless and depressed, of course, and we’ve seen him fight off the Rit Zien he’d unwittingly summoned, but he’s also quite the martyr figure, and has mostly been adamant about one thing: that it’s not Dean’s job to protect him, and that Dean can’t help him, in any case. Of course, Dean is not very good at respecting Sam’s wishes either, but, then again, he doesn’t have the same responsiblity towards Cas that he does towards Sam. Protecting Sam is hardwired in everything he is - protecting Cas is more of a choice, which is why, whenever Cas has asked him to let him go - at the very beginning, when Cas stayed behind to fight Raphael, for instance, but also a couple of years ago, with that whole Gates of Heaven business - Dean’s generally accepted that Cas is a grown-ass whatever and can make his own choices. Dean doesn’t have to like them, of course, and he generally doesn’t (to the point where he’s depressed and borderline suicidal when Cas is not around), but he’s also been capable to step aside. Also because, see point one, he’s got no other option.

And third - I’m going to share an upsetting personal story with you, because it’s been a while and maybe it’s time I get it off my chest. Death for ts, and all that.

So, third - when I was a teenager, I met the most extraordinary man. He was probably in his seventies at the time, very fit, very active, a brilliant mind, but what impressed me the most was the way he’d chosen to live. He’d been born in a filthy rich family, had basically inherited a private bank, studied economics, ran the thing for a few years - and then he sort of had an epiphany - about how little all that mattered, and the fact he was throwing his life away. He basically sold everything, moved into a much smaller house, and proceeded to live in monk-like conditions for the next forty years - he spent a lot of time walking around in the mountains, ate simple, no-frills food he cooked himself, and he read - tons and tons of books. When I met him, he was basically an expert on every subject - from history to sociology to biology, he knew everything. And then he met this woman, who was around his age and a widow. They fell in love like teenagers, but the problem was - they were so different. While he was ‘woke’, as kids today would say, she’d lived all her life in a very small village, was a staunch Catholic, and basically didn’t know how to handle this unprecedented passion that had fallen upon her like water from an exploding dam at the ripe age of 73. He wanted them to live together, was ready to move next door to her, marry her - all sort of things, because, well, they were both old and he wanted to make the most of their time together. But she was ambivalent - as much as she loved him, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that seeing him like that, loving him, was a sin of some kind - an act against God. She resisted his every offer, didn’t marry him, didn’t move in with him, but would welcome him every weekend to her house, and the rest of the week, he would call her three times a day, like clockwork, to chat and laugh together (they lived about three hours of train from each other). And then this one morning, he didn’t call. And she told me later - she was lowkey hysterical, like some people get when they want to let it out but have been conditioned their whole life that no, a good woman shouldn’t be a burden in any way - that she’d been sure, at once, that something terrible had happened to him. By that point, they’d been together for ten years, I think, and never, ever, had he been late in his calls. Not once. She told me she knew she should have called an ambulance, or a relative, at the very least, so someone could check on him, but she didn’t - because some horrible, hidden and scared part of her soul had thought, If he dies, it’s all over. The love, yes, but also the sense of sin, the guilt, the certainty what she was doing wasn’t allowed. She wasn’t strong enough to stop loving him, because he gave her so much joy, and she couldn’t leave him (she really didn’t want to), but if he died - if he died - and, well, he did. I’m actually crying as I type this, because he was the most extraordinary and kind and amazing man, and his health was okay, considering his age - he would have lived to a hundred, no doubts there. But instead, he slipped and fell in the shower, and if she’d alerted someone, anyone, they would have saved him - but she didn’t. She couldn’t. I was angry at her till the day she died, but, thank God, I had enough common sense and kindness never to mention it, because she was distraught enough on her own. After his death, her health rapidly declined - she started to be forgetful, moody. She was sad, all the time. She felt, undoubtedly, very guilty. She kept going to Mass and Confession till the end, and I hope that brought her some peace. I can see now that she was a kind person - and also someone who’d led a simple life, light years away from the life he’d had (while he met all sort of interesting people and filled his days with books and travels and wild ideas and Eastern philosophies, she’d kept her head down, married the neighbours’ son, and cooked him three meals a day for twenty years), and was in no way prepared to deal with this intense attraction, this love to end all loves. She did her best, I know she made him happy, and yes, perhaps she did make a mistake that day, but I’m now old enough to admit it’s not my task to judge her for it. May the earth rest lightly on them both.

Anyway, all this to say that for Dean, falling in love with Cas has been a life-changing, earth-shattering process. Cas literally represents everything Dean’s been ignoring and fighting and pushing away his whole life - his attraction to men, his (non-existent) faith, his deep-seated believe that he does not deserve happiness or a happy ending of any kind (that he won’t get one). So I’ve been wondering, on and off - if Cas truly died, Dean would be devastated - we know that (we’ve seen it). But also, if Cas truly died, Dean would be comforted in his self-loathing, in his doubts, in his traditional way of thinking: that when things go well, it’s too good to be true, that there’s no way out, that he never deserved Cas in the first place, so, whatever. This is heartbreaking, of course, but I know for a fact that when your thoughts have been dark for a while, it’s difficult to let the light in - you can see, sort of, that it would make everything better, but it’s still a change, and we hate change. Depression, anxiety, self-loathing - as shitty as those emotions are, they can still make you feel safe because you know what they’re like. You’re used to them, and that’s one reason why it’s so hard to walk away from them - for good. For Dean, Cas dying would mean not having to come clean with Cas about his own feelings, skipping that difficult conversation with Sam, avoiding what he’s probably been scared of his whole life (people looking at him differently, mocking him, perhaps attacking him), and, above all, letting go of that last illusion - that there could be a happy ending for him - something that makes it more difficult to do his job, even to look after Sammy.

So, well - on the whole, I think that if Cas died, a huge part of Dean’s soul would die with him - but no, Dean wouldn’t try to bring him back.

#ask #cas #castiel #destiel #deancas #spn meta #death for ts #depression for ts #people are complicated #sometimes the best #sometimes the worst #and most of the time it's difficult #to tel our best and worst apart #meanwhile irl

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redstarwriting · 4 years

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My Light

Stephen Strange x Reader

Request: “Prompt for whenever you want it: the reader is the legal guardian of their sibling's (who died in an accident) toddler and the reader is trying her best at parenting. One day they find out the child has magic abilities, but everything goes tits up because Mordo shows up and tries to take said powers. Cue our favorite sorcerer saving the day. May we have a progression of him and the reader falling for each other? Thanks in advance and feel free to disregard the ask if it is too silly”

Word Count: 1,773

Genre: Fluff | Little Angst

Warnings: swearing, death of a loved one, attempted murder, Mordo in general

A/N: Very sorry for how long this took me to write! Like I said, writer’s block is a bitch. But it’s here now! And the ask was not silly at all! It was very fresh and fun actually. I hope you enjoy it! I write best for Stephen it seems, so hopefully I lived up to your expectations! Also, I made the child gender neutral because why not, you know?

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“Ori. Put. The paintbrush. Down,” you try your best to sound strict, but Ori the two-year-old has other plans. They just painted an entire… emblem, you guess, on the wall of your apartment. Again. You cannot figure out how they keep getting into the locked painting cabinet butt yet here you both are. You just sigh before bending over and picking them up, only to get a paintbrush to the face. “Okay, Ori, now you’ve done it,” you say, a mischievous glint in your eye. Ori looks at you with confusion before you snatch the paintbrush, setting it to the side and gently toss them on your couch and scream, “You’ve unleashed the… Tickle Monster!” You “attack” them, only to be met with happy shrieks and giggles. You’ve discovered this is an easy way to tire them and distract them from what they were just doing. You’re just now getting the hand at this whole… parenting thing. Ori isn’t your biological child, they’re your sister’s. Sadly, she died in a freak accident, leaving little Ori in your care. The worst part is Ori was there when she died. One day when she was cooking, the oven malfunctioned and exploded, catching the entire house on fire. It’s believed that she was killed instantly in the blast, and even though Ori was playing ouutside when it happened, they were still there for the entire incident. Granted, they didn’t understand it, but still. It’s really sad. And you’re trying your hardest to be the absolute best parent for them as you possibly can be.

They just make it so damn hard sometimes.

After your tickle-tack, Ori was worn out. It was about their nap time anyways, so you take them to their “big kid bed” as they just stopped sleeping in a crib, and tuck them in. Of course, you still have a baby monitor in their room to see and hear when they need anything. You go and sit on your couch, reveling in the moment of silence you have while Ori sleeps. Then suddenly, their crying pulls you out of it. You sigh, getting up to go check on them only to realize that when you get to their room, there’s a man in there. And he’s targeting Ori. Oh hell no.

“Who the fuck are you?!” you scream, immediately picking up one of Ori’s wooden blocks and hurling it at the intruder’s head. Good call, (Y/n). That’ll stop him. He doesn’t even catch it, just waves his hand and it deflect back, hitting you directly between the eyes instead. “Ow…” you mumble, rubbing the spot where the block collided with you. “This is none of your concern,” the man says, beginning to move his one hand in a circular motion while holding the other in place in front of him. You hear something behind you and turn around to see an orange glowing circle leading into what looks like the ocean?! What the fuck?! Suddenly, the man runs toward you, and you scream thinking you’re about to get pushed in when suddenly he is literally thrown against the wall beside him.

“Bad,” you hear Ori squeak, and you turn your attention to them only to see their hand out in front of them and… is that magic coming out of their palm? “You made this complicated, young lady,” the man says, standing up again, and you turn your attention to him once more. “W-what-”

“I didn’t want to kill you, but it appears now I must. This child’s real mother interfered when I tried to take their powers the first time. It appears I’ll have to do what I did last time again,” he says, and your blood runs cold. Did this man just admit to murdering your sister? And did he just say he was going to murder you too? You were frozen in place when he started running at you again. This time, though, another portal looking thing appeared and another man stepped into Ori’s room, and the other guy was suddenly frozen mid-run. Max capacity for this room is you and Ori, by the way, so there was a lot going on in a space that did not hold that much. “You gave me quite the chase, Mordo, but it looks like it’s over,” this new guy says, and you break out of your frozen state to run over to Ori and pick them up.

The man named Mordo follows you with his eyes, and you glare at him. The man who saved you walks toward this Mordo character, but before he can do anything, he suddenly breaks out of the trapped state he’s in and starts swinging his staff at him. The guy who saved you and Ori curses under his breath, and suddenly, you’re pushed into a new location with him following. You look around, noticing that you’re somewhere with what looks like a bunch of antiques. “Sorry about that, I figured the best thing to do was flee here instead of completely destroying your place. Besides, I’m not so sure you would be able to handle the mirror realm, so I definitely wasn’t about to take you there. Now, let me explain everything that just happened.”

You blink and the next thing you know, you’re in a chair while Ori is preoccupied with a giant coloring book and multiple crayons. “Your sister’s child possesses a type of raw magical talent, and I’m afraid the man who broke into your home is going around and stealing magic from others who have it. I believe it would be beneficial for you and the child to live here for a period of time until I either apprehend him or Ori is able to defend themselves if needed.” “Uh… wait okay, hold on, what?”

“Well, I was pretty blunt with my explanation but-”

“No, I understood your explanation I’m just a little shocked over the fact that this little thing is magical, that Mordo dick literally murdered my sister, and now you’re telling me it would be beneficial if I moved into this place when I don’t even know who you are or where this place is and I don’t have any of my belongings and-“

“Calm down, (Y/n). I’ve had all your belongings transferred over to here already. My name is Stephen Strange, and I need to teach Ori about their powers before Mordo takes them from them,” Stephen explains, and you just stare at him. “I promise you this is to protect you and Ori. Mordo won’t stop until every sorcerer and sorceress no longer has magic. I can help.”

And that is how you ended up living in the Sanctum Sanctorum with Stephen Strange with Ori. This place was a lot nicer than your tiny two bedroom apartment, and the best part is you didn’t even have to pay rent. Even if you wanted to go to work, Stephen said it would be too much of a risk with the lunatic magic stealer still running around, so you couldn’t even work anymore. You mainly spent your time playing with Ori or walking around, tidying up and reading. Although you weren’t learning magic or anything. No matter how many times Stephen tried to convince you to.

Oh, speaking of Stephen, the two of you really hit it off. So much so that after about three weeks, Ori started calling him “daddy.” Both of you were taken aback by that and frantically tried to explain to them that, no, Stephen was in fact not their dad, but they weren’t having it. Of course, you found the sorcerer very attractive and didn’t necessarily hate the idea of him being Ori’s “dad,” but honestly, he probably didn’t feel the same and it would be so complicated having two magic users in the family are you kidding.

Nonetheless, Stephen did treat Ori like his child as well, which made you two talk even more than usual. After a while, you two knew each other better than anyone else. It started slow, with him just asking how your day was and how Ori liked their new home and such, but eventually faded into him asking how you were, no how you really were don’t give him that fine bullshit, what your favorite foods were, what you thought of his outfit, what you were doing later, all these things.

Of course, this all progressed after a few years. In fact, Ori was now five years old, and you have never met someone who advocated for you to get a significant other more than this kid. You always told them you didn’t have time, and that you would find one when you wanted to. Ori would then bring up the time that Stephen gave you the biggest room in the Sanctum when you got there, and the time that Stephen got you your favorite food because you had a bad day, and that time that Stephen took you out on the anniversary of your sister’s death to distract you from missing her and how he did that literally every year and, yeah. You get the point. Ori wanted you and Stephen to get together. And the damn kid was too smart and remembered literally everything at age 5 maybe you should just stop telling them stuff.

Then one day, Stephen approached you while Ori was busy practicing magic. “May I sit?” he asks, and you grin up at him, nodding. He sits next to you and clears his throat. “Ori has gotten very good, you know,” he says, and you nod. “Yeah. Their magic is really strong. And pretty. Prettier than yours, anyway,” you tease him, and he grins. “Well, that’s what happens when your magic is light based. It’s always a sight to behold.” “Light based?”

“Yes, their magic is unique, and they certainly have a flair for making someone’s day brighter,” he says, and you laugh. “Yeah. Well, I guess their name fits them.”

“Oh?” “Don’t tell me Mr. Sorcerer Supreme I-Am-An-Actual-Doctor-You-Know doesn’t know what Ori means.”

“Looks like I’m stumped.” “Wow. Okay, well Ori quite literally means ‘my light’ in Hebrew. I guess my sister named them well,” you explain, and Stephen nods. “Well, they certainly brought light to my life,” he says, and you grin. “Good, I’m glad. They brought light to mine as well,” you say, staring at them as they practice. You don’t even notice Stephen looking at you until he speaks, “The light they brought me was you, by the way.”

Needless to say, Ori got their wish of you and Stephen getting together.

#avengers x reader #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange x reader #dr strange x reader #marvel x reader #avengers imagine #doctor strange imagine #stephen strange imagine #dr strange imagine #marvel imagine #avengers #doctor strange #stephen strange #dr strange #marvel

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typingtess · 4 years

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NCIS: Los Angeles Season 11 – Recap

Season 11 saw the team not at 100% for almost all the episodes. Callen took a vacation with Anna. Sam took some PTO to hang out with his son. Deeks was back with LAPD a few times. Eric was gone, back for an episode and then gone until the team rescued him. Nell put in her non-official official resignation. With Nell gone, Eric was half-way out of the door. Hetty was around for a little while but mostly gone in season 11. Hetty’s possible retirement was a running storyline for most of season 11.

The team added two possible members. Sam’s desire to find two young agents and train them as Callen moves to into Hetty’s role if she retires set up the addition of Fatima and FBI Agents Devin Roundtree. Fatima did some international field work but is now back in Los Angeles full-time. Roundtree was shot by a dirty FBI Agent and was “shadowing’ the team with an eye toward joining NCIS.

After saying goodbye to old Mossad girlfriend Eliana, Callen reunited with Anna, even keeping her hidden in his apartment as the CIA promised to clear her name. Sam found a companion in Katherine Casillas. Kensi and Deeks are trying to have a baby after a false alarm and a “Deliverance” role reversal in place loaded with explosives. Eric and Nell are no longer living together but are taking their relationship as it comes.

Family mattered with Callen working with Darius (and Alex and Jake getting a mention), Anna reuniting with Arkady, Deeks hanging with Bertie and Aiden telling Sam he will be flying jets for the Navy. Family became an issue as one of Hetty’s former charges cut a guy in half, tried to blow up Deeks and wound up being stabbed by Hetty. Eric remains the one staffer without family.

Familiar faces included our friends from JAG, Sabatino, Deputy Crown Prince Kamal, Jasmine Garcia, several Chief Wallace appearances, Lance Hamilton, Karen St. Pierre, John Rogers, Nicole DeChamps, Jennifer Kim, Eshan Navid, Adm. Kilbride (my choice for a retirement replacement for Hetty), FBI Agent Munger, Anna, Arkady and mentions of both Talia and Joelle.

Be on the lookout for both Executive Assistant Director Shae Mosley and Deputy Director Louis Ochoa both who went home at one point during season 10 and never returned.

The team (or members of) travelled to Saudi Arabia, Iraq, the USS Allegiance (twice), Tel Aviv, San Francisco, Greece, Afghanistan and familiar LA spots.

OSP worked with the CIA, Mossad, DOJ, the US Army Military Research Unit for the Investigation of Infectious Diseases (USMRIID), LAPD and the LAPD’s Art Unit, SFPD, Army CID and DIA.

Personal Opinions: Three best episodes: “A Bloody Brilliant Plan” “Answers” “Mother”

“A Bloody Brilliant Plan” was fun, “Answers” combined all the conversation fans wanted to see for years and “Mother” had a million things going on, all good.

“Yellow Jack” was really well done and should never be seen again.

Three worst episodes: “Missing Time” “Decoy” “Let Fate Decide”

“Missing Time” is just dreadful and badly cast (no insult to the actors, just the wrong folks). “Decoy” had everyone working in their little scene silos with no real team action making it as choppy as can be. “Let Fate Decide” had some fun stunts but no payoffs including who killed Ellie Simms. Feh.

Looking forward to tonight’s premiere. Season 11 was average and sort of front loaded with quality episodes. The second half of the season wasn’t bad just wasn’t much more than average.

Also looking forward to the new opening credits with Fatima and Roundtree added. I still mourn the loss of the “San Voir” explosion. Also hope the scene at the end of the credits where the whole team is working around the collaboration table with Mosley the digitally removed is at some point (when safe) reshot.

#NCIS: Los Angeles Rewatch #NCIS: Los Angeles #NCIS: LA #NCIS Los Angeles #ncis la

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newstfionline · 4 years

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Thursday, November 19, 2020

Most expensive cities (CNBC) Zurich and Paris have displaced Singapore and Osaka in a recent report on the world’s most expensive cities. The two Asian cities previously joined Hong Kong at the top of the rankings. That’s based on The Economist Intelligence Unit’s latest Worldwide Cost of Living index which shows how the coronavirus pandemic has affected the prices of goods and services in more than 130 cities as of September 2020. According to the report, Zurich and Paris’ jump to first place was due to the strengthening of the Swiss franc and the euro. “The Covid-19 pandemic has caused the weakening of the U.S. dollar while western European and north Asian currencies have strengthened against it, which in turn has shifted prices for goods and services,” said Upasana Dutt, head of Worldwide Cost of Living at The EIU. New York City is used as the base city in the index. The top ten: Zurich, Paris, Hong Kong, Singapore, Tel Aviv, Osaka, Geneva, New York, Copenhagen, Los Angeles.

U.S., Canada, Mexico to extend border restrictions until late December (AP) U.S. land borders with Canada and Mexico are expected to remain closed to non-essential travel until Dec. 21 at the earliest amid a rising number of U.S. coronavirus cases, officials in Washington and Ottawa told Reuters on Wednesday. Mexico’s Foreign Ministry confirmed the decision later on Wednesday in a post on Twitter. The restrictions were first put in place in March to control the spread of the virus and have been extended on a monthly basis ever since. In Ottawa, a Canadian government source said the travel restrictions in place at the Canada-U.S. land border would remain in effect for at least another month.

Recession With a Difference: Women Face Special Burden (NYT) For millions of working women, the coronavirus pandemic has delivered a rare and ruinous one-two-three punch. First, the parts of the economy that were smacked hardest and earliest by job losses were ones where women dominate—restaurants, retail businesses and health care. Then a second wave began taking out local and state government jobs, another area where women outnumber men. The third blow has, for many, been the knockout: the closing of child care centers and the shift to remote schooling. That has saddled working mothers, much more than fathers, with overwhelming household responsibilities. “We’ve never seen this before,” said Betsey Stevenson, a professor of economics and public policy at the University of Michigan and the mother of a second grader and a sixth grader. Recessions usually start by gutting the manufacturing and construction industries, where men hold most of the jobs, she said. The triple punch is not just pushing women out of jobs they held, but also preventing many from seeking new ones.

U.S. to Drop Case Against Mexican Ex-Official to Allow Inquiry in Mexico (NYT) The Justice Department has asked a federal judge to drop drug trafficking and corruption charges against a former Mexican defense minister to allow Mexican officials to investigate him, Attorney General William P. Barr announced Tuesday in an abrupt reversal a month after the official was arrested in Los Angeles. The official, Gen. Salvador Cienfuegos Zepeda, had been Mexico’s defense minister from 2012 to 2018 and was accused of taking bribes in exchange for protecting cartel leaders. But Mr. Barr and Mexico’s attorney general, Alejandro Gertz Manero, stopped short in a statement of promising any charges in Mexico. In a court filing, prosecutors acknowledged that the Trump administration had determined that preserving its relationship with Mexico prevailed over pursuing the case. “The United States has determined that sensitive and important foreign policy considerations outweigh the government’s interest in pursuing the prosecution of the defendant, under the totality of the circumstances, and therefore require dismissal of the case,” they wrote in asking a judge to dismiss the charges.

Biden’s DIY transition proceeds without Trump assistance (AP) President Donald Trump’s refusal to cooperate with his successor is forcing President-elect Joe Biden to seek unusual workarounds to prepare for the exploding public health threat and evolving national security challenges he will inherit in just nine weeks. Blocked from the official intelligence briefing traditionally afforded to incoming presidents, Biden gathered virtually on Tuesday with a collection of intelligence, defense and diplomatic experts. And as the worst pandemic in a century bears down on the U.S. with renewed ferocity, the current administration is blocking Biden from collaborating with its response team. Biden’s representatives instead plan to meet directly with pharmaceutical companies this week to determine how best to distribute at least two promising vaccines to hundreds of millions of Americans, the biggest logistical challenge to face a new president in generations. The moves reflect how Biden is adjusting to a historically tense transition. With no sign that Trump is prepared to facilitate soon a peaceful transfer of power, Biden and his team are instead working through a series of backup options to do the best they can to prepare for the challenges he will face as soon as he takes office in January.

When Trump Goes, Can the Democrats Hold It Together? (NYT) The Democratic Party is struggling with internal contradictions, as its mixed performance on Election Day makes clear. Analysts and insiders are already talking—sometimes in apocalyptic terms—about how hard it will be for Joe Biden to hold together the coalition that elected him as the 46th president. The intraparty dispute burst out full force on Nov. 5 during a three-hour House Democratic Caucus telephone meeting. Moderates angrily lashed out at liberals, accusing them of allowing divisive rhetoric such as “defund the police” and calls for socialism to go largely unchallenged. Those on the left pushed right back, accusing centrists of seeking to downgrade the demands of minorities, including those voiced at Black Lives Matter protests. Abigail Spanberger, who represents the 7th Congressional District in Virginia—which runs from the suburbs of Richmond through the exurban and rural counties in the center of the state—voiced her instantly famous critique of the liberal wing of her party during the phone call: “We have to be pretty clear about the fact that Tuesday—Nov. 3—from a congressional standpoint, was a failure,” she told her Democratic colleagues. “The number one concern that people brought to me” during the campaign “was defunding the police.” And “We need to not ever use the words ‘socialist’ or ‘socialism’ ever again because while people think it doesn’t matter, it does matter. And we lost good members because of that.” Representative Rashida Tlaib, whose Michigan district is among the poorest in the country, and who is a member of the Democratic Socialists of America—directly countered Spanberger and other moderates: “To be real, it sounds like you are saying stop pushing for what Black folks want.” Other Democrats who describe themselves as democratic socialists, including the former Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, have become a substantial Democratic constituency.

Pandemic media syndrome? (Scientific American) According to Claudia Wallis, of Scientific American, recent studies have shown that the pandemic’s toll on mental health has been even worse than experts expected, especially among young adults. Roxane Cohen Silver, a psychologist at the University of California, Irvine, found that “increased engagement with media coverage of the outbreak” is a major driver of anxiety among people of all ages. “If people are engaged with a great deal of media, they are more likely to exhibit and report distress, but that distress seems to draw them further into the media,” Silver says. “It’s a cyclical pattern from which it is difficult to extricate oneself.”

Sweden’s coronavirus strategy (Washington Post) Even Sweden appears to be abandoning the Swedish model. On Monday, the country’s authorities banned gatherings of more than eight people as they grappled with the second coronavirus wave surging through much of Europe. The new restrictions followed other protocols coming into effect this week, including protective measures around nursing homes and bans on alcohol sales at restaurants and bars after 10 p.m. The shift in tone is noteworthy given Sweden’s notorious light-touch approach to the pandemic. “It is a clear and sharp signal to every person in our country as to what applies in the future,” Prime Minister Stefan Lofven said during a news conference Monday. “Don’t go to the gym, don’t go the library, don’t have dinner out, don’t have parties—cancel!” Hospitalizations are rising faster in Sweden than any other European country, and Sweden’s per capita death rate is several times higher than those of its Nordic neighbors Finland, Denmark and Norway.

Amid pandemic, Belgrade street kids find comfort at refuge (AP) In a small, brightly-colored backstreet house in Belgrade a teenage girl is drying her hair, while two others eat lunch in the kitchen. A group of boys are having their temperatures checked at the entrance as a precaution against coronavirus. It’s another busy day for Svratiste, or Roadhouse, Belgrade’s first daily drop-in center for street kids that for years has been a rare oasis of warmth and comfort for the Serbian capital’s most vulnerable inhabitants. Since opening in 2007, Svratiste has welcomed hundreds of children—some as young as five—who have come here to warm up, wash or eat. With social isolation growing and the economic situation worsening in the pandemic, the center’s role has become even more significant. Apart from providing food and clothes, the Svratiste team has also sought to help the children socialize and get to know their town by visiting playgrounds, cinemas and theaters. A key effort has been to include them in the education system and make sure they stay. During the pandemic, the center helped with online classes that most children have no means of following. One of their success stories has been Bosko Markovic, now 18, who first came to Svratiste five years ago. With the center’s help, Markovic has finished high school and now has his eyes set on becoming a policeman, he told the Associated Press. “They (Svratiste) have made me a better person,” he said proudly.

Pompeo To Visit Israeli West Bank Settlements During Farewell Tour (Foreign Policy) U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is in Israel today as he continues his whistle-stop tour of U.S. allies. Before he heads to the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, and Saudi Arabia, he is planning on making history. Pompeo will visit two Israeli settlements both considered in violation of international law, one in the Golan Heights and one in the West Bank. By doing so, he becomes the first U.S. Secretary of State to visit either site. His de facto endorsement of the Israeli occupation stands in contrast to the outgoing Obama administration’s moves in 2016, allowing passage of a United Nations Security Council resolution declaring Israeli settlements on Palestinian territory illegal by abstaining from (rather than vetoing) the vote. His visit also comes as Israel plans to expand a settlement in East Jerusalem, despite outcry from the United Nations and European Union.

Reassured by Biden Win, Palestinians Will Resume Cooperation With Israel (NYT) The Palestinian Authority said Tuesday that it was resuming its cooperation with Israel, ending six months of financial hardship for tens of thousands of West Bank residents and signaling relief over the election of Joseph R. Biden Jr. It was one of the first clear signs that anticipation of a new administration in Washington is having an effect on international relations. The Palestinian announcement undid a set of stringent measures imposed by Mahmoud Abbas, the authority’s president, in May in a desperate protest against plans by Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel to unilaterally annex large portions of the occupied West Bank. The Trump administration had indicated it would support some form of annexation, which would have imposed Israeli sovereignty over land that the Palestinians have counted on for a future state. Mr. Abbas cut off security coordination with Israel, raising fears that attacks might go unprevented. He also severed civilian ties, including those that help Palestinians travel into Israel for work or medical treatment. Most painful of all to his own people, Mr. Abbas stopped accepting routine transfers of more than $100 million a month in taxes that Israel collects on the Palestinians’ behalf, funds that account for more than 60 percent of the authority’s budget. The lack of funds forced salary cuts for tens of thousands of public-sector employees, compounding what was already a devastating economic crisis because of the pandemic. “Praise God, I feel so relieved,” Rami Kitaneh, 35, a nurse at the Hugo Chavez Ophthalmic Hospital in the central West Bank, said Tuesday night. “I gave up so much since the start of the crisis, but now I can breathe.”

Security officials worry Israel and Saudi Arabia may see the end of Trump as their last chance to go to war with Iran (Business Insider) European intelligence officials are alarmed about the possibility of military action towards Iran in the waning days of the Trump administration. Concern that Trump—who has pushed for maximum pressure on Iran—or a combination of Israel or Saudi Arabia creating a military confrontation in the waning days of the administration has been a concern for over a week, according to three European intelligence officials who spoke with Insider. The news that last week the president requested a list of military options from his military and diplomatic advisors has sent these concerns into overdrive. One fear is of unilateral action by the US to force a military clash that might make it impossible for the incoming Biden administration to return to the 2015 joint nuclear agreement that traded sanctions relief on Iran for an end to its nuclear weapon programs, all three officials said. They declined to speak on the record in exchange for their candid views on the situation.

People go hungry in Ethiopia’s Tigray as conflict marches on (AP) People are going hungry in Ethiopia’s rebellious northern Tigray region as roads are blocked, airports are closed and the federal government marches on its capital in a final push to win a two-week war. “At this stage there is simply very little left, even if you have money,” according to an internal assessment by one humanitarian group, seen by The Associated Press. The assessment, based on a colleague who managed to get out, said people “will stay where they are, there is no place in Tigray where the situation is any different and they cannot cross over into the other regions of Ethiopia because of fear of what would be done to them.” For more than a week, the United Nations and other aid organizations have been warning of disaster. Long lines formed outside shops within days of the Nov. 4 announcement by Ethiopia’s Nobel Peace Prize-winning Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed that a military offensive had begun in response to an attack by Tigray regional forces on a military base. Trucks laden with food, fuel and medical supplies have been stuck outside the region’s borders. Banks in Tigray were closed for days, cutting off humanitarian cash transfers to some 1 million people. And even before the fighting, a locust outbreak had been destroying crops. Over 27,000 Ethiopians have fled into neighboring Sudan, burdening villages that have been praised for their generosity, though they have little to give.

#headlines #news

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 5 years

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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Hungary to Eurovision with yet another father song apparently

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Hungary, I love you, but you're bringing me down...

Never in my life have I wanted to fight a NF as much as A Dal 2019. The lineup was considerably less engaging with me than the previous year's one (but in the end it turned out to be even MORE engaging than the previous year's one), the design update (to which I got used to like 10 minutes later anyway) happened, the jury exterminated a handful of favourites, and a common Eurofan's worst fear apart from not having at least one glitzy-schlager-fiesta-wrapped entry a year occured yet again - the under/over-staging of songs with potential. What could've been a smooth sailing sweet ballad sung by a man with all his heart turned out to be a confused fisherman's piano boy tune with little to no emotional connection with the televiewer; a killer electropop soundscape piece sprinkled with intensity, fragility and neon-like colors was supposedly performed by a lost-on-stage housewive who probably has 2 kids and 2 cats at home; and that one folksy melody set to campfire suddenly lost all its fire with a snow backdrop behind. Truly a wrong time to become a full-on Hungary stan.

And yet, out of all this hot savaging and rampaging mess, entangled with fan-fave losses and one eliminee too late thanks to a common ESC song's worst fear (plagiarism accusations), emerged one gloriously victorious soul in the shape of a brave man of gypsy 'origo' who once has been elected to Eurovision to make his country proud with his killer ethnic track 2 years ago, and he nailed that right to the T, with the help of an onstage dancer and violinist (both female) to create some space for the song to breathe and exhale the passion of what he sang out of his heart by then - Joci Pápai. Yes, him again! Who did you expect, András Kállay-fucking-Saunders??

Anyways, his song this year is titled “Az én apám” (My father), written by him and partially co-written by a man hiding himself behind the name Caramel (and I prefer caramel candy more than the actual raw caramel tbh), who is probably finally lucky enough to see a composition of his go to Eurovision after he himself couldn’t quite make it as himself right back on the very first A Dal. This year he also wrote a cute little harmless ballad for a 16 year old girl but we’ll discuss her later (maybe), because it’s Joci’s time. Again.

As the title already indicates, it’s another song about a father, and unlike for AWS’s lead singer, Joci’s father is... alive and well, surprisingly, considering Joci is 37 and, at the time of his fatherly loss, Örs Siklósi from AWS was approximately 24-25. That definitely does not mean the parents’ loss can’t come in at any time of your year - A Dal 2019 had a contestant whose mother was murdered when he was NINE. 0_0 Not to mention that some mothers die during childbirth, too. Or even maybe some fathers die before children were born because all they need to be in part of babymaking is to give her satisfaction at the right time and boom, 9 months (or even earlier/later) of wait. But I digress. This is much different song from “Origo” as “Origo” had this ethnic upbeat rhythm to it, with violins included, and was mostly a captivating song with a little bit of rapping because Joci couldn’t fit so many words in all of the other verses he could have thought of for this song without having to extend the song for A Dal submission, so he had to do the rap, sorry “Origo” rap bit’s haters. “Az én apám”, meanwhile, has him project his feelings against a musical backdrop of a little bit more softer, acoustic, chill tune with a little poppier arrangement (and add some violins during his live performance on two of the A Dal shows, that are now a permanent part of the ESC version of the song!). And instead of the Romani onomatopoeia we’re getting “na na na, ya ya yah” in the chorus, which is as nice, but I’d rather “jalomaloma” out some bitches than have this.

For this one, he’s all alone, on his own, except for the other songwriter’s aid (dare I say that this personal song’s lyrics weren’t even written by Joci himself??? Not even a microscope??? Caramel you mastermind you). But mostly on stage, he’s alone. And shoeless. And with a starry-ish backdrop. Simple enough staging for a simple enough song, right? As it’s proven that simplicity can work in the past Eurovisions (see Sobral), and maybe, just maybe, Hungary does stand a chance for once again for being just simple, like Boggie was (but mostly she was more inoffensive and singing about a topic that’s still beaten to death every now and then, although this topic has fizzled out lately, which paved the way to all the love songs dominating NFs now, as well as the Latino craze). Though I doubted it was gonna remain so “simple” after it was revealed the Hungarian team is looking for everyone’s fathers’ pictures to be submitted to them. Yes, it was supposed to be one of THOSE kind of backdrops. I don’t even know what kind of use did Michael Schulte have of the fatherpics people sent HIM! Most of the backdrop focused of his lyric video aesthetic on the choruses, and I remember more of THAT, not the photos... so I doubted it was gonna work out on this one either. But in the end Joci wasn't satisfied with how all of those pics looked, so he will go for only showcasing his very own papi now.

Oh shit I forgot to talk what I feel about the song myself... well, safe to say that I didn’t warm up to it when I first heard the snippet ahead of every other A Dal snippet, but as in full, it just so happened to be nice enough, although I preferred “Origo” because reasons - not to mention that looking back at the A Dal 2017 state that I’ve seen from, I’d probably have had Joci as a legit fave to win it! And I already found Tótova to be too strange at first, unsure if it’s worth it to give them a second shot (post-2nd-listening-note: I did and it wasn’t that... bad?). And so, with low enough expectations, I didn’t even look into his chances all that further, especially with him being sick on the heat 3 day and only managing to barely tie-win in his heat just so he could dominate further rounds. But man did it turn out to be a beast later on.

So let’s, for now, say that I like it, but it’s just one of those artist return expectations that let you down because you really wanted to maybe see them again, but there would never be another song like the first one. Time will probably make me forget it all happened though and I’ll be able to enjoy it as much as “Origo”, as the “na na na” chorus part is really lovely enough. The song though, it is bafflingly too much reliant on too long verses in order to make the song just only have 2 of them and 2 choruses, and for the person that is biased for ‘2 verses - 3 choruses - bridge somewhere in between’ kind of songwriting that I am, it’s lowkey a glaring problem (as I'm finishing this weeks later than initially planned I actually got used to this structure and it even slightly compliments the song, but only slightly), as “Origo” has not only an engaging song but an engaging structure - nothing seems throwable out, nothing seems needed to additionally to be added. This one, however, is just there with its structure, and although hearts and minds are swayed by this, I don’t think I’ll get used to it this as a whole easy, unlike, like I said, time makes me forget the NF messfest and focus my love and support towards those that ARE going, not those that COULD’VE BEEN going. For now, I am not sure if I finished my review rant this properly, but for now, I’ll just wish Joci the best of luck, eventhough he’ll 1) never read this and 2) never understand this :( But still ^_^ Don’t let your nation down, big man and a father of two!

Approval factor: Despite reasons I’ll detail a little later, I’ll approve this entry, as I can’t be mad enough at Joci, for the humble man that he exists as, and the message he’s spreading, and the man he teamed up with. I approve of him but not of the background things.

Follow-up factor: From substance things, let’s just say it’s a bit of a yes and a bit of a no. No because ‘omfg it’s too soon for him wtf!!’ and I agree but if that’s what the juries initially wanted after seeing him in the lineup, and this return of his is now a bit more unnoticed and anonymous... but yes because it’s not a bad choice after AWS, because it was to be expected Hungary will send something softer after going out hard the last time, and they delivered the softness.

Qualification factor: depends on how does the audience feel for this emotionally, if Joci transmits his love for his father and that other supposed message as well well enough to the audience, in this simple staging of things (well if the fatherpic concept is still considered as ‘simple’ and nothing too cheesy or creepy). For now though I’ll be optimistic enough for Hungary - they won’t break their streak this year. If this simple-ish enough staging with just the singer on it doing his best worked for our lovely Ieva last year (despite these two not being a comparable songs), this would as well! And then settle around in top 15 provided enough people are there to give Joci just the right amount of love and patience that he needs (jury is a different question but since it’s not ethno-aggressive I think they might warm up to this as well, despite this being Hungary). Or even 16th-20th.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

A Dal 2019, with all things considered, needs to immediately die in a hellhole. Mainly because of the juries doing their dirty work by drowning the public favourites yet again, and especially the good ones (I've mentioned some of them earlier in the first paragraph by description). Let me demonstrate two of my favourites to the unsuspecting audience:

• Let’s get the elephant out of the room first. LEANDER FUCKING KILLS. Would you even think they’d have had any sort of victory of a NF potential?? Well, not off the AWS’s heels, considering both them and AWS play metal music. But their 2019 entry, "Hazavágyom", was something else. It’s if your dad went out with a couple of his friends to start a campfire somewhere in the woods, and then he took out a guitar because he remembered that he wanted to play something new he learned after listening to a lot of Irish folk music. And they all go off together - one rhythm drum, one guitar, the others jam out to the rhythm and create a fully-fledged campfire song, and a mysterious violinstress appears out of nowhere to help keep the party going. No really, it’s in the music video. Them being the most positive surprise of the lineup 2019 really melted my heart as I didn't expect so many people siding with another shade of their music. And even I started to draw myself into that song more and more, of how dancy and heartfelt it sounded with them decent lyrics about some sort of personal affection (maybe??), hoping that the jury will listen with their hearts and minds open to this Leander’s change of things and let them win the selection that way. But in the end... you know that Assi Azar quote. That’s right. And even so guess what - their first hurdle was their last. Sure, you can say they had a flawed live performance (no violinstress :( too rough vocals at the last chorus :((((((), but if you crush a future of good potential ahead, you’ll never know what might have you lost and how much would you have liked it better if things were slightly improved according to what you thought that needed to be changed in it. As it is for now, both "Hazavágyom" and Leander Kills ended up being robbed of Tel Aviv 2019. Hats off for trying, though.

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• And then we have this fantabulous guy down here, with the name of Gergő Szekér and his journey-like legendary folk-tale, written for us guys, to let the past go, just like a (little) bird, and keep what matters only - “Madár, repülj!” mesmerized me from its first snippet (with me additionally commenting on that he’s a nice guy somehow), and then the full version came - with some rapping, wavy electronic bassline (that we haven’t seen striving since last days of dubstep’s relevancy), great choice of instruments, THAT gorgeous way of singing this whole song - I was ready to run away from the disappointment I had from Leander’s flop and immerse in this song fully knowing that it’s gonna be ‘such a jury darling!’... but a-MOTHERFUCKING-las! The boi missed the mark by 4 points in the superfinal vote-up in order just to tie with the unexpected new jury darling that was even BEATEN by Gergő in the semi, Bogi Nagy (the 16 year old I mentioned earlier)... the last juror thought that shooting up Bence Vavra to the superfinal spot was a good idea, and I can’t blame him as Bence deserved to go to the A Dal final for the little that he has participated in, but NOT AT MY BOI’S EXPENSE. ;_; I truly doubt that at this day and age there’ll be anyone capable of filling in the Gergő shaped hole in my heart... well, I can certainly TRY cutting him out of me, but the pre-NF-hype-build, his song’s remix with his X Faktor’s friends and my imagination of him dancing in the Telavivian postcards and engaging with his new Eurofandom fam through live interviews will haunt me from here on end... ugh.

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And normally I hype up the NF participants that I supported last time previous year but then they become just artists for me and I wanted more of their song but not of the actual performer in Eurovision and therefore I don’t want them to ESC anymore, but if both of those above artists go to Eurovision at some point, I’m likely stanning both the hell out of their songs AND themselves, for who they are and who they stand for (hopefully nothing too controversial, we already have had a fanfave oppose gay marriage once so imagine a Hungarian A Dal winner doing the same at some point :O). Leander for his overall talent, Gergő for everything he is (and plus a little bit of mutual acknowledgment I’m gonna talk about later UwU bias is strong ahahaha).

Now with my sorrows out of the way, let’s highlight some more of this shit-fest:

• How the fuck wasn’t Dávid Heatlie’s staging a big meme during the season?? At least nationwide?? Seriously. “La Mama Hotel”, his actual entry, might not be too much of a standout (considering it’s just some by-numbers-synth-heavy song with its only major saving grace being a kickass guitar solo), and he did not perform all his best, BUT THE LAMPS. THE FUCKING LAMPS. Too many of them, and they’re slightly too oldfashioned, but so aesthetically-satisfying out of nowhere. If I were a moth, I’d immediately run to his lamps at any given time, and even stay with them after they’re eventually returned to MTVA’s stage props garage or to a Hungarian IKEA. Yes I know the moth meme is dead btw but so what?

Not to mention the guy himself is a bit of a meme in my eyes.

• I already discussed about this on my only one-time “Fanwank Assimilation” bulletin and I have no intent to reiterate all that I said from there on this one word-for-word but let’s go on anyway. Olivér Berkes, the hipster friend of Zävodi from A Dal 2017, returned on his own to win many more hearts with a soft piano/acoustic ballad “Világítótorony” (lighthouse), which couldn’t have been staged more... disconnectingly. To summarize, it’s somewhat of a love song inspired by a lighthouse symbol (quite literally lol), staged as if it was like fisherman taking care of one lighthouse himself, coming and going to do his thing. And like, there was no click with people that made Olivér stand out with something else other than just this ballad, like he did by constantly tele-qualifying with Ádám Szabó’s current girlfriend back in A Dal 2016 and being put in the superfinal with aforementioned Zävodi in 2017. His song itself was just a nice song and kind of a lot people liked it it seems, but I wasn’t really getting it until too much later on after Olivér’s heat was over, so I was surprised with his elimination, but my feelings I got from this song off my first impression weren’t disappointed over this. Check his performance here.

• Can I call Rozina Pátkai a highlight? You might have not heard of her unless you’re Hungarian and/or THAT into their jazz scene, as she’s big on there. This year though she has had a “noisy electropop” song through to the chosen 30 of the A Dal selection, and it was of the name “Frida”. Nothing was too bad until she also ended up having some unfortunate first-hand mis-staging. I did say at the beginning of this post that she kinda looked like “lost-on-stage housewife who probably has 2 kids and 2 cats at home”, and that’s just me not being fond of the outfit she got, though I don’t really imagine in better clothes, or do I? Nevertheless, the Rubik’s cube visuals of her pictures and bright pink lighting (where visible) looked great on her staging somehow (and the on-screen effects), just not the visual aesthetic of the singer’s. Witness it here. Also witness what I meant with the visual parts of things:

Triple woman?? now I’m scared

who’s this shocked gal in the background that got cubed???? UwU

curious woman telling you a bedtime story on TV

Sorry, these captions are a little too silly, but still. The jurors were alright with it except for one (and that’s also the one who killed Olivér’s chances too a little) and the televote was harsh (5 points, yikes, the lowest ever telescore of this A Dal year). Well, if it was studio, we’d probably see her through, but me personally, I saw it as a semifinalist at best when I first heard her song. Now I think it would have been decent enough for a final too maybe? As at least the chorus of this is good but I was never too hooked on the first verse as it always reminds me of the annoyingly soft indie pop that dominates the current music trends... well alas.

(Sidenote: maybe her moterly styling was dedicated to her future child she’s currently carrying? Yep, turns out Rozina is currently pregnant, just like one other A Dal contestant this year!)

• A personal highlight for me, besides that one time Gergő Sz. spoke out to an ESCBubble interviewer that “there’s this, like, a guy or a girl from Lithuania, and [he] said “yeah, I’ve some re-LAH-tivs [sic] ... in Lithuania and she was like *exasperated gasp noise* “Lithuania! Oh my God! We love you so much!”” (and for a matter of fact, it was me :) I’ve been only acknowledged once ever but the acknowledgement still exists!!), was discovering Fatal Error (and USNK but mainly just Fatal Error) before they entered A Dal 2019 with THE EXACT SAME SONG I FIRST HEARD OF THEIRS. Yeah. “Kulcs” music video featured Örs Siklósi, your favourite Hungarian screamer/singer, as a presenter rather than a part of the song, and a good-ass metal song did he present. And as the A Dal 2019 season rolled on at the beginning, Fatal Error were on my hyping target until some better songs came on and I didn’t feel like stanning Fatal Error’s song as much as I only stanned them because they’re here for the fans even more at even more times than I expected them to be - liking their comments on the band’s Instagram and Youtube posts - nothing against other contestants though (Leander included), if they have their lives to carry on and only sit down to check Instagram twice a week or so, it’s perfectly fine. :) I am quite sure Joci is probably like this also. Nevertheless, Fatal Error totally rocked, despite coming off AWS’s heels, and they’re at least encouraging other rock acts to come over to A Dal to open themselves to the world of many eager people discovering new artists every now and then. Just like the victory of AWS sort of did. Also one of the guys from that band said that their mother was delighted to see his band live, which brings us to...

• ...The Middletonz, a fresh new band for András Kállay-Saunders to leech on through next few A Dals now that the band of his name is no longer a thing. They, and yesyes, were the first ever fan favourites to emerge, mainly for sounding modern and having these artists people hate seeing back to A Dal only because of so many tries in the show, but happy to see back in hopes for them finally taking A Dal by their hands (and for András it’s a ‘finally AGAIN’ moment), but problems arose when the juries weren’t fond of both Middletonz AND yesyes, so much so that the frontman of the latter band spoke that he’s not coming back to A Dal again (unless he lies to us by coming back in 2022 or so). What amuses me more about The Middletonz, other than the song (which is fine for the most part, the D’n’B + acoustics mix is neat and catchy, but the beat drops harder than my will to live, and it IS bad (okay further listens later it’s not THAT bad but still... you gotta have had tried harder, men), is their nationality. Besides the hidden phantom member of the group that we never heard on any interview but appeared to be present (at least on the heat stage of the NF), here we have András, which is Hungarian-American, and his friend of the (nick)name of Slashkovic, which is Dutch-Iranian! That’s a colourful palette of double nationalities. And not to mention, despite it being a minority language, therefore a perfectly fine addition, some Russian language is heard in their song, courtesy of Slashko himself. That and on the A Dal 2019 final night Slashko had his parents watching him perform live for the first time... and based on the amount of years he has hidden that from his parents, it took him SO DAMN LONG somehow to reveal himself. Damn. Anyways, anyone up here to bet we’ll see András again, especially after him being reminded to “never give up” by one of his fans? Well, now that he has definitely seen Joci win A Dal twice on his both attempts, it’s highkey positive. Now with or without Slashko? We’ll see.

• The infamous plagiarism incident, which actually hung like a shadow on one of the contestants and those accusations probably scared him for life, and then the scandal outright knifed out a completely different contestant, Petruska (if you remember him from 2016, you know who he is), a little too late into the competition. If you were so certain his song sounded alike, you’d have either eliminated him in the heats or not accepted his song at all, which... maybe did sound like a Vampire Weekend song, I’ll let you judge.

I can’t be arsed to highlight anyone else because there was a lot to go after. Like, two young-bun A Dal acts that came from the same kidshow (different season though) and one did the song all by himself but couldn’t carry it quite as far despite his basic technotronic visuals, another was completely dependent on Caramel’s songwriting capabilities and fared WAY better than everyone else expected, tied-winning the heat with Joci, being the 3rd qualifier on the semi and beating Gergő Sz. during the superfinal vote-up by 4 points (and Feró’s endorsement lol). Yes the latter person I was talking about was Bogi Nagy. Have her song linked too if you want to listen to it. (I could have also talked about her sitting on a hula hoop and having a long extended projector dress to showcase her childhood pictures onto, but that’s just a song-saving gimmick in my opinion, and I don’t wanna waste my thoughts on her any longer tbh.) And USNK, those two that won X Faktor 2018, Soundcloud-rapped a song about HASHTAGS HASHTAGS HASHTAGS, gave a needlessly over-colourful stage show and took Leander’s spot of qualification to the semis through televoting (and additionally pissed me and borisbubbles off. Ya welcome for an indirect tag too!). Wow. But enough being a bitter Betty, I’ll have to let the bird fly until the next NF season and wait for some more eager names to cheer for, even if they don’t have an exciting “#háttérzaj” of nationalities. Until then, A Dal, my love...

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #hungary 2019 #joci pápai #az én apám #hungary

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willykappymarnsmatts · 6 years

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Kiss and Make it Better

-Mitch is broken and Auston’s the only person who can fix him-

-Angst and fluff-

-Auston x Mitch-

•••

They lost. Really badly. It was game 70 and they were fighting hard for a spot in the playoffs. They almost beat Edmonton, too. It was tied at two in the last minutes of the third period. Auston got the puck on a breakaway, but was tripped by McDavid, earning no call. Mitch chased him all the way up the ice and was two feet away from him, the net to his back. Conner took the shot and it was going wide, but Marner got his stick on it, long enough to just tip it into his own net.

The Scotiabank arena went silent, 20,000 Leafs fans’ hopes of a trip to the playoffs dwindling with each loss.

All the guys went into the locker room hanging their heads after the third loss in a row. Mitch’s eyes were especially bloodshot. When he got into the locker room he went straight to his stall, sat on the bench, and put his head in his hands after throwing his helmet on the shelf, knocking down a glove.

It broke Auston’s heart to see his best friend in so much agony. Willy kept looking between the two boys, knowing Auston’s fondness for Mitch, in an act the opposite of subtle. Auston sat down next to Mitch, their knees bumping through their pads, and put an arm around him. “Hey, Mitchy,” he whispered, “nobody blames you.”

Auston’s touch allows Mitch to pick his head up and run his hands through his sweat-soaked hair. The pain in his eyes makes Auston want to cry. “Get changed and we’ll go home.” He tells the broken boy in his arms.

He keeps an eye on Mitch while he changes. It looks like the slightest blow would shatter him. Hockey is Mitch’s life, so he knows how much it’s killing him, blaming himself for the loss.

Once Auston’s changed he sits at his stall, with a mix of yearning and protectiveness over Mitch. Ever since he’s laid eyes on him, he’s wanted him. Willy and Patty know, but at this point so does everyone else. He doesn’t know that Mitch feels the exact same way, and has for just as long as Matts.

Mitch walks out of the arena with his hoodie over his head, Auston keeping his pace. They climb into the car in silence. Mitch looks between his feet and Auston’s hands on the wheel. He so badly want a kiss from him to make him better. His crush doesn’t move his eyes from the road until he hears a sniffle from next to him. Auston’s the only person Mitch has ever cried infront of, and only when he was in drastic amounts of pain.

“Hey, hey, Mitchy,” Auston says frantically, looking between his friend and the road. He wants to pull over and hold him, but they’re down the street from Mitch’s building, so he decides against it.

“I lost the fucking game! I’m the worst hockey player ever! I’ve gone seven games without a stupid goal-wait, no, I scored the game winner for fucking Edmonton!” Mitch explodes once they’ve parked outside his building, tears streaming down his face. The sight breaks Auston’s heart.

“You are such a goddamn liar, Marns,” Auston says softly. “You’re the best player in the NHL, even if nobody else can see it I can. And, hey, look at me,” Mitch looks into his eyes, Auston meeting his piercing blue eyes bloodshot and his face soaked with tears. “We did not lose because of you. Our games a team sport, no win or loss in one guys fault. Now, stop, it’s hurting me to see you like this.”

At those words Mitch’s heart does a little flip, somehow through all the pain. Auston looks past Mitch, at his building. “You gonna be okay alone tonight?” He asks, his voice laced with concern.

“I, umm, yeah, I’m just gonna go to sleep,” Mitch replies flustered.

The guys say goodnight and Auston drives away once Mitch steps into his building. His friend’s words relieved a bit of the weight off his shoulders, but he’s still kind of upset. When he gets up to his apartment he crawls under his bed covers once he’s changed and scrolls through Instagram. His heart skips a beat when he sees Auston’s latest post, a picture oh Mitch getting a piggy-back from him, both boys in a fit of laughter, neither looking at the camera. ‘@marner93 , my #MCM’.

He likes the photo and leaves a comment, then continues to scroll. The Leafs latest post is the final score, which lessens Mitch’s good mood. He scrolls through the comment, aware of the fact that it’s probably a mistake. Some read ‘great effort’ and ‘tough loss’, but most are targeting the heartbroken athlete.

He’s supposed to be used to it, but he’s allowing the words to get to him. With a no-goal stint and a mistake so drastic, he begins to believe the hateful comments. His heart hurts as he sees how disappointed the fans are in him. He’s letting Toronto down.

Maybe Auston was wrong. If there’s a shit player on the ice, he’s gonna mess it up for the rest of the guys. He starts to silently cry again, thinking he’ll never get out of his dry-stint. He throws his phone at the wall as it begins to ring, not knowing its Auston, pretending he doesn’t hope it is.

•••

When Auston got home there was a weight on his chest. Mitch is a really sensitive guy, but nobody really knows it except him. The way they are around each other, they’re kind of blind to not see the amount of feelings between the two.

He walked inside his apartment, locking the door and throwing the keys on the kitchen counter. Matts grabbed an apple and threw himself onto the couch.

There’s nothing good on tv, so he scrolls through Instagram. He sees his recent post and smiles at the joy on their faces. Then he reads all the disgusting comments about his best friend, wiping the grin off. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair and calls Mitch. He doesn’t pick up. Still no response a second, third time.

A voice inside his head reasons he might be asleep. He doubts it, but he needs the rest too. They have the second game of a back-to-back tomorrow. Auston yawns, throws the apple core in the garbage, and heads to the bathroom.

•••

He next morning, there’s no call or text from Mitch. They have practice this morning, so he’ll see what’s up when he goes to pick him up. While he’s brushing his teeth, he gets a FaceTime from Willy.

When he picks up he sees him and Kappy lying side-by-side on Willy’s bed.

“Hey, lovebirds,” Auston chirps, earning the finger from Willy. Kappys never really cared, too in love with Willy.

“Has your boyfriend talked to you? He was really upset last night and we saw the comments on the final score.” Asks Kappy.

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed. He hasn’t spoken a word to me since I dropped him off. Oh, and, he’s not my boyfriend!” Austin points his toothbrush towards the camera and mumbles around a mouthful of toothpaste.

“Maybe not, but you wish,” Willy chirps.

Auston doesn’t argue. The guys continue talking, Matts nodding or shaking his head for the most part while he washes his face and shaves. “Alright, gotta go pick the kid up. See you on the ice,” Auston says and hangs up.

•••

Austin drives as fast as he can without getting pulled over to Mitch’s house. He knows he isn’t gonna get buzzed up, so when he gets there he uses his own copy of Mitch’s keys to get into the building and then his silent apartment.

Auston makes a beeline to his friend’s bedroom, not bothering to knock before stepping in.

Mitch has the covers pulled up over his head, but Auston recognizes the lump under the blankets. “Marns,” Auston says gently, fondness dripping from his words. Mitch whimpers under the covers as Auston sits on the edge of the bed. “What’s going on, man? We’ve got a game tonight, and practice in 15.”

Mitch’s blue eyes and messy hair peek up at Auston from under the covers. “I’m not going,” he says defiantly.

Auston restrains himself from running his hand through Mitch’s hair. “Marns, I saw the comments last night. People really suck, but people are also li-“

“No!” Mitch shoots up, revealing his bare chest and strong arms to Matts. “Everyone’s right! I fucking suck! Aus, I don’t wanna- I cant go.”

“Mitchell Marner. Every hockey player goes through this shit. But you’re so much better than every hockey player. You’re fucking fantastic. You make plays that shouldn’t even be possible. You’re also the best goddamn friend in the world!” Auston’s yelling, but he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. Mitch’s eyes aren’t as sad as they were a second ago, so he continues. “Mitchy, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. You make garbage games fun. Just being around you puts me in a good mood. You have that dumbass smile on your face all the time. And-“ he cuts himself off, almost accidentally confessing his feelings to an awestruck Mitch.

“And what?” Mitch asks so quietly it’s almost a whisper.

“No, it’s, don’t worry,” he stands up, glancing at Marner’s eyes. The tears are gone. “Just get up and put some clothes on. If we don’t leave now Babs is gonna have our asses.

Mitch doesn’t move. “Aus, what were you gonna say?”

“Nothing! Don’t worry about it.”

“Auston Matthews,”

“Marns, get-“

“Aus, fucking tel-“

“I like you!”

Mitch goes silent. “I like you Marns. I like you a lot.”

Mitch gets pissed. “Who the fuck told you?! Look, Matts, it’s not funny to play with someone’s feelings like that. It’s just a stupid crush,”

“You think I’m joking? You actually think I’m kidding. Mitch, you’re clueless.”

“You’re an asshole. You’re-“

Auston lunges at Mitch and kisses him, hard. One hand is on Mitch’s shoulder, the other on the wall behind him. Mitch freezes for just a second, then his arms reach around Auston’s waist, pulling him close. Auston’s hands come up into Mitch’s hair and he kisses him and kisses him and kisses him. He’s wanted to do this for three damn years.

Auston pulls away. “Do you believe me now? You’re fucking incredible.”

“You fucking suck,” Mitch giggles and kisses him again. Auston kisses him back and pulls away to stand up.

“We have to go now,” he starts, but Mitch pulls him by the wrist back onto the bed. Auston laughs. “You’re adorable.” He runs his hand through Mitch’s hair and licks his own lips, then stands up and throws a shirt at Mitch. “If we don’t leave right now we’re dead meat.”

Mitch groans but pulls the shirt on over his head, not bothering to change out of his sweatpants or even brush his hair. As the boys walk towards the door, Mitch grabs Auston’s hand, looking pleased with himself. Auston licks his lips, glancing at their intertwined fingers. “You’re coming over after practice for fuckinh sure.”

#toronto maple leafs #auston matthews #mitch marner #willam nylander #kasperi kapanen #auston x mitch #willy x kappy #hockey #nhl #mine

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maxdbrackin · 6 years

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Week 1 Responses

1. I came to Tel Aviv because I felt a calling to return here following Taglit. It didn’t occur to me how much I was missing out on as a result of the hard work and determination of my ancestors. I also felt an urge to learn Hebrew; a beautiful, biblical, archaic language with wisdom seeping through every line like scrolls in the Western Wall. Since coming here, I have heard of – for the first time – the opportunities presented through Aliyah and have begun to consider it as my next step following the completion of my undergraduate studies.

2. Tel Aviv is beautiful, spontaneous, and full of life, fervor, corruption, prosperity, and progressive ideas. The people here are much more straightforward and friendly than people in America. There is warmth. Additionally, traffic is much more manageable here, and I am fairly confident that this is not dependent on the population. People here just understand how to weave through traffic. Whether it be on a motorcycle, bike, or on foot, they understand how to seamlessly maneuver through a crowded crosswalk. In America, we have a tendency to start walking into the other person’s path, instead of away from it. It becomes obvious when walking in Tel Aviv with my American compatriots.

3. My favorite place in Tel Aviv is our balcony in the apartment. The view is tremendous, we get to watch a high-rise luxury apartment building get built from its foundation up, the warm spring air forces me to take my shirt off and catch some sweet Vitamin C, and it is a peaceful, inspirational place to read and work on my music, of which inspiration and new ideas have come in abundance since traveling here.

4. Honestly, the worst part of the whole trip is living with my roommates. Not that they are bad people, but their living habits are disgusting. When one of them shaves his sweet potatoes, shavings abound across the kitchen floor. Dirty dishes and food left in the sink are commonplace. After a get-together at our place, wounded warriors ooze from their battle wounds, dust and dirt scours the floor from the boots of foot soldiers, and crumbs litter the room like empty rounds.

5. The 10 shekel piece is easily the best. It makes me feel like a school boy running to get candy after class gets out. My friend Ryan and I go to a nearby falafel stand almost every night where the shopkeeper Moty greets us without fail. He serves up delectable falafel and chips for only 15 shekel, for which two 10 shekel pieces will suffice, and with the change I can run like a school boy once more.

6. “Idfc” by Blackbear. I have only dated one girl for a long, wonderful relationship that ended after two years because we knew long distance was not something we wanted. It wasn’t a bad breakup, but the sadness hit us both hard. She showed me numerous songs that she liked – as did I – and even wore me down with country songs to the point that I began to actually enjoy them. Back then, this was just another one of those songs, but once we split, it turned into my theme song for emotional release when I felt nostalgic. I also recently had a fling with this Israeli girl who hurt me somewhat, so I found solace once again in the sad, heartbroken melody.

7. My biggest goal is to increase my fluency in Hebrew by the time I leave. I came in with no previous knowledge (other than Shalom) but am very antsy to build on the small foundation of vocabulary I have amassed thus far. I am also working hard on my music because it seems that the rap scene here is lacking, if not desolate, in terms of talent and MC skills. It needs a face. Knowing Hebrew would also help with this, and I hope to build some connections here to flow off of each other and make a splash. I recently linked up with a producer through a club promoter, so once I send him some recordings, we will see how it goes.

Hey Dad,

The waves here are crashing in so slowly. I think you’d find peace here. The deep blue rolls turn to a calm white as they collide with the sand that warm your feet when you shovel them beneath the surface. It even makes you forget about the beautiful women for a moment. Just a moment though. And then you’ll see her there with you. See her long brown hair blowing ever-so-gently in the breeze, the sun reflecting off of her caramel-coated curls, giving her a glow even brighter than her soul already gives off. The way her tan skin looks so soft in a blue, flower-coated two piece bikini that would give you chills even on the warmest of days. If you can muster up the strength to look past her, you’d see a city on the verge of being a metropolis.

Every building looks like a hotel, the entirety of the boardwalk being the resort. Imagine Colorado, even Denver, but with the beach only a leisurely stroll away from Coors Field. The sky matches the waves in their turquoise stage and the clouds look as if God took a puff from his pipe and let the smoke seep out from his lips. In the distance, a crane lurks over a soon-to-be high-rise that reminds you of how lucky you are to be here in a time where housing prices still cower to the likes of those in San Francisco, New York and Seattle. I want to tell you to picture what New York would have been like some 80 odd years ago, but even that wouldn’t do it justice, because it’s still not as crowded, though it keeps its big city vibes. Indeed, the city looks crowded, but trees can be seen everywhere and stick out like taxis on Wall Street. There’s only so many people here on this beach as to not let you feel alone, but far from enough to make you feel crowded. You could play five versus five with a football and not disturb a single sunbather’s midday snooze. Around the bend, the buildings begin to huddle closer together, and your brow crinkles slightly as you think of all those sad saps working a 9-5 just to put a savings in their IRA’s thinking “it’s tax free!” only to lose so much of it when it’s finally needed. But it’s always the weekend here. The only currency here is a sand dollar and your only contingency plan is being buried in sand to let the tides wash it away. In a word: paradise.

Your son always,

--Max

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thebootlibrary · 3 years

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three floors up by eshkol nevo

this one was a doozy. Having been to Israel in 2019, the last big trip before COVID, I really reconnected with this Tel Aviv inspired story. And it seemed like I had stumbled across another collection of short stories, like that of Shoko’s smile. Nevo sets up an apartment building of Jewish families in a tripartite structure: first, second and third floor. Each floor shares such a distinct and traumatic narrative. The stories unfold in different ways: the first is a man talking to his friend at a restaurant, the second, a mother writing an email to a girlfriend in the United States and the last, a widower judge leaving messages to her dead husband’s phone. Grim stuff.

Yet the stories navigate Israeli living and culture so precipitously. The narratives walk the line between the mundane and the traumatic. And I came to realise, that unfortunately, there is trauma laced in the normal suburban lifestyle. Death, loss, assault and isolation. These issues feed into our mundane lives and the the whole she-bang of neighbourhoods, and family, and the protective undercurrent of gated communities and strict cultures, does nothing to stop people from feeling those pervasive, oppressive things. The book made me feel scared, that somehow my adult life would include some of those storylines That maybe one day, my child would be a stranger or that I would get married to a liar or that maybe I’ll die from early, unforseen causes. But that’s life right. Even the exoticism of Israeli suburbia doesn’t protect you from it. As basic as this inference sounds, its the human condition. To live, suffer, protect and duly accept? Not even the best, most moral person will be immune from the consequences of the actions of those around them.

The book deviates from this conclusion I’m making here, however. Nevo effectively wants the the reader to know even the most familiar of people around us, who present an accepting facade as neighbours, may in fact be experiencing the worst. Just the same as me and you.

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xtruss · 3 years

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Biden's $735 Million Arms Sale to “an Illegal Regime of Zionist Cunts: Isra-hell” to Include Missile Type That Hit Gaza Tower

— By Tom O'Connor | Newsweek | May 17, 2021

$735 million arms sale to Israel approved last month by President Joe Biden would include the same kind of precision-guided weapons that the Israel Defense Forces use to target hundreds of sites across the Gaza Strip, including a tower housing international media outlets.

Congressional committee chairs were notified on May 5 of the weapons sale, first reported Monday by The Washington Post and confirmed to Newsweek by two congressional staffers. The notice came just days before the rising tensions between Israelis and Palestinians erupted into a deadly campaign involving rocket fire by Palestinian groups led by Hamas on one side and IDF airstrikes and artillery fire on the other.

The proposed U.S. package includes Joint Direct Attack Munitions (JDAMs) that convert missiles into so-called "smart bombs" with lethal accuracy and destructive effect. The sale is subject to a 15-day review that is set to end on Thursday, amid a sharp spike in the decades-long Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

The deepening violence on both sides of what has already become the worst conflict between Israel and Palestinian factions in years has garnered international concern. It was one reportedly bloodless attack that has particularly captured global attention.

On Saturday, the IDF bombed Gaza's Al-Jalaa Tower, which housed the offices of top media outlets including The Associated Press and Al Jazeera, whose employees rushed out of the building after being given a warning of the impending attack by Israeli authorities shortly before the strike.

The dramatic destruction of the site, which the IDF argued was a legitimate target because it "contained military assets belonging to Hamas military intelligence," was captured in photo and film. The footage of the attack also reveals the munitions used, one that comes from the very same family of JDAMs included in Biden's proposed weapons sale to Israel.

Asked by reporters Monday about the planned arms sale, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki deferred to the State Department, which she said did not believe had announced "any future sales or weapons sales." She did, however, note the robust continued ties maintained between the two allies.

"We do have an ongoing and abiding strategic security relationship and partnership with Israel," Psaki said.

A State Department spokesperson told Newsweek that U.S. officials "are restricted under Federal law and regulation from publicly commenting on or confirming details of licensing activity related to direct commercial sales of export-controlled defense articles or services."

But given the ongoing violence in the region, the spokesperson added a call for de-escalation as the Biden administration works with regional countries in an effort to resolve the crisis.

"We remain deeply concerned about the current violence and are working towards achieving a sustainable calm," the spokesperson said.

Smoke billows as a Joint Direct Attack Munition dropped on Al-Jalaa Tower during an Israeli airstrike in Gaza, a city controlled by the Palestinian Hamas movement, on May 15. The U.S. considers Israel a key security ally and contributes billions of dollars a year in military assistance, but President Joe Biden has expressed concern over the IDF strike that destroyed a building housing international media outlets who were told to evacuate. MAHMUD HAMS/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

The targeting and destruction of Al-Jalaa Tower have been condemned by a number of local and foreign media groups, including two of its occupants, The Associated Press and Al Jazeera, which launched its own investigation identifying the weapon that wrecked its offices as a GBU-31, one of several JDAM variants known to have been exported by the U.S. to Israel in past years.

As Israel faced pressing questions regarding the decision to take out the building, IDF spokesperson Lieutenant Colonel Jonathan Conricus offered a three-part rationale for the strike. He said the structure was "not a media tower, and it's not a media center," but rather a militant headquarters used by Hamas for three main purposes.

The first entailed "officers of the military intelligence, basically collection and analysis of military intelligence, obviously used for military purposes, against us."

The second was "research and development, where the best subject matter experts were operating from inside that building, using the hardware, computers and other facilities inside the building to develop weapons, military weapons against us as well."

And the third involved "highly advanced technological tools that are in or on the building."

Conricus declined to go into specifics, citing security concerns, on the final point, but said such tools were used by Hamas "in fighting against us in order to hamper or limit the activity of the IDF inside Israel and on civilian activity along with the Gaza envelope." He reiterated the extent to which the IDF has identified how groups like Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad embedded their military infrastructure "within civilian facilities."

He also emphasized the degree to which the IDF went out of its way to ensure non-combatants had left the building beforehand, even if this the forewarning "was also used by Hamas and Islamic Jihad, to salvage a lot of very important equipment. That, he said, "is a military loss that we are willing to 'suffer' in order to minimize and to make sure that there are no civilian casualties in the strike on the building."

Later that same day, President Joe Biden phoned Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The U.S. leader expressed his support for Israel's right to defend itself, condemned Hamas' rocket launches and mourned the loss of life both sides. He also "raised concerns about the safety and security of journalists and reinforced the need to ensure their protection."

Netanyahu defended the operation in an interview aired Sunday by CBS News, in which he described Al-Jalaa as "an intelligence office for the Palestinian terrorist organization housed in that building that plots and organizes the terror attacks against Israeli civilians," making it "a perfectly legitimate target." He said it was thanks to the IDF that the building's inhabitants escaped in time.

"You weren't lucky to get out. It wasn't luck," Netanyahu said. "It's because we took special pains to call people in those buildings to make sure that the premises were vacated, and that's why we brought down that building."

The Israeli leader also suggested that he had shared with the U.S. evidence backing up the Israeli claims of Hamas' involvement at Al-Jalaa Tower, saying "we share with our American friends all that intelligence." Specifically, he said such matters are communicated "through the intelligence services."

Secretary of State Antony Blinken, for his part, told reporters Monday that he had "not seen any information provided" regarding the airstrike, "to the extent that it is based on intelligence, that would have been shared with other colleagues and I'll leave that to them to assess."

Following Blinken's consultations with regional officials, including Israelis, Palestinians, Egyptians, Jordanians and Qataris, Biden held Friday his third call with Netanyahu since the latest conflict began and for the first time "expressed his support for a ceasefire."

U.S. Air Force senior airman and 33rd Aircraft Maintenance Squadron weapons load crew member runs checks on an inert GBU-31 V3 bomb during a weapons load competition April 16 at Eglin Air Force Base, Florida. The U.S. exports such Joint Direct Attack Munitions to around 30 countries around the world. AIRMAN COLLEEN COULTHARD/33RD FIGHTER WING PUBLIC AFFAIRS/U.S. AIR FORCE

Hamas has denied that it had a presence in the building, one of a growing number of Gaza high-rises reduced to rubble over the past week.

"The targeting of Al-Jalaa Tower is part of a series of war crimes and crimes against humanity that are being committed against civilians," Hamas spokesperson Fawzi Barhoum said Monday in a statement obtained by Newsweek, "in addition to the targeting of homes, residential neighborhoods and civilian institutions."

Abu Obeida, spokesperson for Hamas' Al-Qassam Brigades, threatened on Monday to unleash a new round of rockets against Tel Aviv if the IDF did not cease bombing what he called "civilian homes and apartments." The IDF on Monday stepped up its bombing of what it said were "houses served as a part of Hamas' terror infrastructure."

Hamas and affiliated organizations such as Palestinian Islamic Jihad have fired what the IDF estimates to be 3,350 rockets toward Israel over the past week, hundreds of which were said to have fallen short of Israeli territory and hundreds more of which were intercepted by the advanced Iron Dome defense system. Israeli operations from land, air and sea, meanwhile, have targeted hundreds, if not thousands of sites across the densely-populated Palestinian enclave.

The conflict's death toll is estimated have reached well over 200, with the Gaza-based Ministry of Health placing the Palestinian toll at 212, most from Israeli bombings but also including nearly two dozen killed by Israeli police in the West Bank, and the IDF counting 10 Israelis dead due to rocket fire.

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borisbubbles · 6 years

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Eurovision 2018 Preshow #04

04. BELGIUM

youtube

What adorkable weirdo <3 I love how some of our participants can already be divided into character archetypes (Saara: the well-meaning abrasive bitch, Vanja: the sarcastic wench. Mikolas: the airtime hogging egomaniac (I DIED when he bombed Ryan’s ESCKAZ interview in Amsterdam. He’s so fucking annoying it’s almost admirable lol)) Sennek’s designated role in this musical carnival of death appears to be “resident alcoholic bitch” <3 like basically pawing off whole bottles of Châteauneuf off the Wiwibloggs gays in each of her interviews so far <3 Definitely the people’s aspergers princess <3

Now, Sennek has inspired SOME degree of (very regretful) negative criticisms. Her live voice has proven to a valid point of discussion, but I’ve chosen to not have it affect her spot in my ranking; There’s still time to improve. What I REALLY hate tho are the comments of her appearance. Someone in the Wiwibloggs comments section said she’d flop because, I quote “she looks like a farmer’s wife” um lol? Humbug! Sennek doesn’t look like a peasant; she looks like a baby dinosaur:

So c00t <3

Now, as you can imagine, I had a MASSIVE wishlist of possible entrants going into this year (incl. Laura Omloop, Ozark Henry, Emma Bale & Bazart), but my biggest wish was Hooverphonic. Imagine the EXCITEMENT I felt when I first heard “A Matter of Time”, as the musical genius of Alex Callier’s trademark symphonic pop is instantly recognisable. Such an epique song, I tell you. It was inspired by - I kid you not- a broken teapot <3 Oh Alex. Speaking of Hooverphonic, this contest now has two Hooverphonic entrants, as Madame Monsier’s Emilie was the vocalist behind one of their best songs.

However things aren’t ALL looking great since I really can’t get away with not mentioning The Voice Thing. To be fair, Sennek was decent enough in Amsterdam, apart from a VERY pinchy vibrato during the chorus (it IS a vocally taxing key change, after all), but her earlier caterwauling in Tel Aviv was by far the worst thing I’ve heard this year, barring Yulia’s undulating Hell Scream during the Moscow Preparty (Which, as we all know, never happened.)

As I said though, Sennek has the time to practice and recover. Blanche did anyway... although I’m not sure if my heart can handle TWO vocal thrillers in a row; still that option is preferable to letting your voice become the thesis of your own fucking song. :-/

Qualification Odds: Good/Average.

Obviously, it no longer makes sense to consider Sennek a guaranteed qualifier anymore, so I’m tentative putting her among the borderlines.

However, I actually think she’ll advance anyway? There are only two ways it can go: Either she’s good and she’ll finish high up the scoreboard. Or she’s bad and she will be booted in the semifinals in an unceremonious 14th place.

The prediction is out of my hands tho. All I can do I wait for the rehearsals and x my heart.

Jury or televote? jury

Sennek FEELS like an act that has more built-in jury appeal. It will entirely depend on the staging and live vocals however. If she nails the former, she’ll do well with the juries. If she nails the latter, she will collect a lot of televotes. If she nails both, she becomes a massive winner contender.

I’m confident the staging will be good though at least, which is why I went with jury. The staging is handled by Hans Pannecoucke (yes. his name is Pancake.), who also did the critically acclaimed staging for Laura Tesoro and the Common Linnets (and for Trijntje as well, but we’ll just ignore that). Definite worth more excitement than that overrated Jean-Baptiste woman.

Projected placement: 2nd-14th in the semifinal, 2nd-12th in the Grand Final

THE RANKING SO FAR

#Eurovision 2018 #Belgium #Sennek #Laura Groeseneken #A Matter of Time

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boo-cool-robot · 7 years

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X-Men Fic Recs

X-Men fandom is mildly to moderately cursed but here’s some good fic. Mostly movie-verse, mostly Charles/Erik because of like, who I am as a person. My favorites are marked with an asterisk. I’ve tried to add warnings for untagged stuff that might be upsetting, but I make no guarantees. (Also reccing a fic is not an endorsement of the author.)

Updated 11/25/18, new additions are bolded.

Under the cut because it sure has gotten that long!

Canon Compliant [Through The Last Stand or XM:A]

*The Building of the House by kvikindi (Peter & Erik): A take on Peter and Erik’s relationship while they rebuild the mansion post-Apocalypse. If you read one fic from this fandom, it should be this one. It’s absurd and exuberant the way any Peter fic should be, but it’s also delicate and and deeply engaged with the intergenerational trauma sunken into the bones of this family. Just, god. Probably the best cultural trauma fic for any fandom I’ve ever read. (Reading on mobile is highly recommended because of formatting.)

*Tehillim by kvikindi (Erik-centric): Post-Apocalypse. Erik wanders around Haifa in a dissociative state, thinks on his past, and calls Charles. Sequel to The Building of the House, though it can stand alone. Luminous and beautiful and every word painful to the touch.

the sea, the sea, by disenchanted (Charles/Erik): If you know disenchanted’s other work, you’ll know this is lovely--a dizzyingly romantic portrait of their love during First Class, even as they feel the edges of it falling apart

To Breathe Again (Impossibilities Remix) by Unforgotten (Charles/Erik): Erik returning as the world collapses in the wake of The Last Stand. I’m just a sucker for longing!!

nuclear winter by honey_wheeler (Charles/Erik): Erik watches Charles get a lapdance on the eve of Cuba and it is stunningly sad, clicking home with all inevitability.

*Fear the Rest by Penknife (Charles/Erik, O5 ensemble): The decades leading up to being who they are in X1. Really, really strong sense of politics and place in time. Excellent, complex Erik interactions with the students. Additional warnings for serophobia.

Anthem for Doomed Youth by Fahye (Mystique & Charles): Mystique before and during the events of First Class. Good relationship work and exploration of how their powers have shaped them.

Canon Divergence

*Fathers and Sons by M_Leigh (Peter & Erik): Post-DOFP, Erik realizes Peter is his kid and comes by the mansion to tell him, it goes about as well as you’d think. Line for line probably the funniest fic in this fandom, and has an vicious view of Charles that is my favorite.

*Synthesis (Scenes from an AU) by Starlady (Charles/Erik): Snapshots from a universe where Erik came back after Cuba to help run the school. Unlike most of this kind of fic though, everyone is still political and contentious and awful as they need to be. Also, has an extremely good Jean Grey.

the end of the world (just not ours) [INCOMPLETE] by hiyashi (Erik-centric): Where Erik does a lot of drugs instead of embracing his rage. I cannot explain in the least why I’m so into this characterization of Erik in this unfinished crackfic, but I super am.

Third Law of Motion by arcapelago: Magneto lives at the school but the students are determined to keep him away from Charles. This one is just really funny, idk.

tel aviv series by mnabakov (Charles/Erik): AU where they met on a beach in Israel after all. Very atmospheric, languid fics. Warnings for untagged Holocaust mentions and internalized homophobia stuff.

The Way Things Break by GrayJay (Alex and Scott): God I love good sibling fic. This is an attempt to reconcile Summers family comics backstory with the Alex of the XMCU and it comes out really well. Everyone feels extremely dimensional in their trauma, and this Scott is a darling.

defined by my logic by lloydsglasses (Jean-centric): Sketches from the life of trans girl Jean Grey. Very sweet.

sparkle and fade by sabinelagrande (Charles/Erik): Phew. One where Erik stays after Cuba but they fall apart anyway. Pretty much unmitigated tragedy.

Complete AUs

*Limited Release by rageprufrock (Charles/Erik, Alex, First Class Ensemble): Modern still-powered AU where Erik and Raven are FBI agents, Charles is a controversial professor, and Alex is on parole because his brother has been kidnapped by Shaw. Exceedingly well-constructed and well-plotted. Everything is fraught and also hilarious.

Knowledge Management by phalangine (Charles/Erik): A still-powered modern AU where Erik is a scary librarian and Charles is an amused patron, though it quickly extends much broader than that. Languid and complicated, with especially good Charles characterization. Most importantly, it’s got that good good disability content.

*”Lessons” ‘Verse by Red (Charles/Erik): Still-powered modern AU where Charles and Erik are both super traumatized and little shits and they have Issues while they do a bunch of kinky shit. One of the rare extremely good portrayals of disabled Charles.

If You Liked the Book, You’ll Hate the Movie by paperclipbitch (First Class ensemble): Nonpowered high school AU. Irritating that it doesn’t have disabled Charles because otherwise the characterization is great. Raven Had A Weird Childhood and has a drunk brother. Erik is a guidance counselor who has definitely killed a man. Everyone is the worst.

Shovel Talks and Other Hazards by Unforgotten (Charles/Erik): I can’t believe this ship has 12k fics on AO3 but there’s only one good fake dating fic and this is it!! Erik is Charles’ hot neighbor that he asks to be his pretend date for Raven’s wedding, you know how it goes. Warning for an untagged CSA mention.

*i guess i should say thanks or some shit by orphan_account (Charles/Erik): The world’s best characterization of college AU-ish Cherik: drunk, depressed douchebags with questionable morals. In Amsterdam.

New Beautiful Things Come by raven (Charles/Erik, First Class ensemble): Modern still-powered AU where Charles is a professor and Erik runs a kosher bakery and they have a contentious romance. Notable for being one of the few AUs where it feels like queerness and mutantdom have real political weight, even if that’s not the focus.

*Six Lessons in Living in Sin by Penknife (Charles/Erik): Canon era-ish AU where they move in together and it’s difficult. Quiet, atmospheric, sad with a deep love between them. Warnings for Holocaust mentions.

Condonare by etirabys (Charles/Erik/Hannibal Lecter): Uh well it’s a fic where young Nazi hunters Erik and Hannibal shack up with uni student Charles. *buries face in hands* It’s really good. Warnings for violence and internalized homphobia.

after all the breath and dirt by magneticwave (Charles/Erik, First Class Ensemble): Both dynamically fun and deeply sad characterization, all in an Inception AU where Erik haunts Charles. Nondisabled Charles.

Non-Movie

*Scott’s Life is Hard series by yellow_caballero (X-kids ensemble; Scott; Kitty, Peter; Emma): Sometimes a family is like thirty mutant youth wannabe superheroes, all screaming, in one mansion. Also Magneto is there. Based in part on Evolution, the high school AU cartoon, but is still highly enjoyable without knowledge of that canon. Ditto for the New Mutants/X-Force stuff. The third fic in this series has an exceptional Emma Frost voice.

Camp Xavier by captainpeggy (Kitty, Bobby, gigantic-ass ensemble): Charles and Erik run rival mutant summer camps and Kitty is going to make this her year.

*That Would Be Enough by Wish_I_Had_A_Tail (Kitty & Erik): Modern AU where Kitty spends Passover with Magneto. Kitty just feels like SUCH a clever, overthinky teen and I love this relationship.

That Which We Are by GrayJay (Scott-Centric): Deeply sad comics-compliant trans Scott Summers. Really really good fucked up medical stuff. (Also read all of GrayJay’s Scott fic. It’s that good.)

Five Times Someone Questioned the Brilliance and Resolve of the Writer, Director, and Producer of the Annual Theatrical Production of the Xavier School for Gifted Individuals bystoriesfortravellers (Jean, X-kids ensemble): Tiny crackfic about iron fisted theater director Jean. There’s a line in there that absolutely murders me.

The World Outside Was Hungry by tzigane, Zaganthi (Caffiends) (Charles/Erik): Still-powered comics AU where they meet at Columbia as students and slowly build a life together. This Erik’s sense of the world feels so appropriately odd and lovely. Warnings for Holocaust imagery and homophobia.

Five Sleeping Arrangements by seriousfic (Scott/Emma/Jean): Scott and Jean drag Emma into having a semi-functional relationship. Everyone is a terrible delight, particularly Emma.

#x men fic rec #I'm just publishing this now because I haven't found any essential additions in a hot minute #I'm sure I'll update this at some point #temporary x men tag #long post #fic rec

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galadrieljones · 7 years

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About the Writer

tagged by @asoulonfire. thanks, you! <3

1. Is there a snack you like to eat while writing?

I don’t really eat while writing? I’m like a two year old and always seem to have jam hands even when I’m NOT eating something so like I try to keep the food away from the typing.

2. What time of day do you usually write?

Whenever I have time. Either during my kid’s nap (about 2-5pm), my break at school (1:30-3:30pm), or at night after my kid goes to sleep (10-1am). I’m also kind of a workaholic so like any spare moment I have, if I’m deep in a draft, might go to writing a couple sentences or editing something I wrote earlier.

3. Where do you write?

At my desk, in my bedroom. Sometimes (rarely) at our kitchen table. In my office at school. Sometimes in the classroom, while my students are writing.

4. How often do you write a new fic?

Lately TDS updates have been about 14 days apart. The school year has started, and I’ve been doing a lot of sketching, so my time is a little more limited. But lately it’s only been taking me about three sittings to hammer out and edit a chapter. Mostly this is because I’m on a down slope, where everything is releasing and sort of happy, so the writing is enjoyable. It’s not difficult. I’ve been doing fewer prompt fills lately and stopped taking prompts for the most part. I have about 150 unfilled prompts in my inbox and am starting to feel kind of like a failure in that department lol. I try, and I see them, and I consider them all, I swear!! <3

5. Do you listen to music while you write?

No. I find that listening to music has the ability to color my writing, or inflate its worth in my mind. It’s like watching a movie with a soundtrack, but soundtracks are conventions of movies, not fiction. In a movie, music has a job. For me, with writing, it makes my job harder. Everything the music is doing, I need the words to do all by themselves. That said, I do have a robust playlist. I listen to that a lot when I’m not writing, because obsession is my worst enemy and my best friend.

6. Paper or laptop?

Laptop. I hate handwriting stuff. The only things I handwrite anymore are like, grocery lists, notes for the daycare lady, notes of critique for my creative writing students, and, oddly, the DWC headcount every Friday ^_^ I’m also so fond of digital art I don’t even really sketch as much on paper anymore.

Growing up, however, I used to handwrite and hand draw everything. I see a lot of value to it, especially when you’re just starting out. It forces you to soldier onward and stifles perfectionism in favor of speed and productivity.

7. Do you have a special pre-writing ritual?

No. I usually know what I need to do before I sit down, so I just sit down, and there I go. Though my writing process lately has been haphazard and unconventional. I’ll sit down bored as hell and have no idea what I’m doing, then randomly type 3,000 words after not having written anything in days, roll over, go to sleep. I have no idea. These things happen in cycles for me.

8. What do you do to get into the writing?

I’m not sure? I daydream a LOT. A lot. I often say the story sort of lives in my mind. It’s always evolving. I don’t keep written outlines. It’s in my head, every strand, every arc. So I’m sort of always sifting through it. The better question for me might be: What do I do to get OUT of the writing? That would be: TV. Marathoning episodes of Party of Five, watching the Ken Burns Vietnam War doc with my husband. These are things I do to decompress, or at least send my mind in another direction. Also, art, though this is just another obsession, which is not relaxing. Art for me is about the finish line. I like finishing stuff. It scratches an itch. But it’s not the same as the writing. So I get frustrated when I’ve done too much art/too little fiction. Like now. Merp.

9. What do you always have near the place you write?

All manner of shit. My art shit. Stacks of books. A disorganized bookshelf. My writing brain is very organized, in its way, and I’m very good at keeping track of everything. But that means that sometimes, my physical environment is a mess.

10. Do you have a reward system for word counts?

No. I just go go go.

11. Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don’t know?

At this point, my writing process is about as chimeric as my actual writing, changing shape all the time with a few guiding tendencies that will never change. I’ve written so many pages of undigested, sometimes altogether secret work that has never seen the light of day but for maybe my husband, or a workshop table with six of my peers and a mentor, or that spare publication that feels good for about six days until the high wears off and you’re back in the dump again, that at this point, whatever you want to know about my writing process, you can find right in the pages of TDS, which goes through so many transformations over the course of its sixteen months, five amassed books, and 300K+ words that I don’t even know where to begin.

The one thing about my process at this point that was not true even just a year ago is that I no longer fear that writing will not get done, or that chapters will not get finished. I’ve finished enough of them to know that the end will happen. It will always come, and so just as long as I stick my nose to the grindstone, I can trust myself to finish: wishing and hoping don’t make words, of course. Typing makes words, so as long as I’m typing, at some point, I’ll find the end. It took a long time to get to the point where I can trust that the work will happen, even on days when it seems tragically elusive. Self-doubt becomes a relic, and so experimentation and change can finally, truly take place. My writing gets tangibly better over the course of TDS. You can see it with your own eyes. And I can safely say this change is because of the literal, unfathomable amount of words I’ve written, all thanks to a bald elf hellbent on ending the world. In the end, I’ll always argue that writing improvement is a game of critical mass. Write enough, and you’ll get better. It’s an ongoing struggle, but it’s the struggle that matters, not the endgame. Every word counts, even the ones you cut. Because once you’re better, you’re only gonna want to get BETTER. And on and on and on. So focus on the writing, not the endgame. Focus on the writing, not whether you think you’re “behind.” Because as long as you’re writing, you’re never behind. That’s how change happens.

tags for @thevikingwoman @tel-abelas-mofo @princessvicky01 @adventuresinastrangeworld @roguelioness @kaoruyogi @buttsonthebeach @ellstersmash @katalyna-rose and anyone who has not done this and would like to <3

#about me #on writing

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birthright-magic · 5 years

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July 14th-15th (Britney Tee, Adidas Trackies, Adidas Sneakers)

I picked Laur up at her place and we drove to JFK! I was a nervous wreck so my belly was a little upset but I was also super excited and driving fast and listening to my new favorite songs. So we parked at the airport and took the shuttle to the terminal. We walked inside and we were still pretty early to the meeting, so we went and got snacks. Sushi and a Starbucks drink for me! We headed back downstairs to the meeting place (seeing a few cute guys along the way). We strike up conversation with a guy on our trip and wait to see who else shows up. Eventually a large group of us appears and we all get to know each other briefly, signing a non-drinking agreement in the process (where I lose the ONE PEN I brought for the trip). I instantly talk with Ilana, Hannah and some others. I kind of think there are no cute guys on the trip... womp. So we all kind of are chatting with each other and getting to know each other and everyone seems super cool and then it’s time to board the plane! We stand in line with a myriad of attractive Austrians! I sit with Laur, who complains about getting sick already! It’s a 9 hour flight to Austria, which passes somewhat easily. I read a book (and pass out during the first chapter due to some GRAPHIC imagery - thanks Chuck!) and listen to music, attempt to sleep and wake up in Austria! I explore the airport a little bit (there are smoking chambers?) and have the worst lemonade of my life. Laur is still super sick, but we all get back on the plane for a short-ish flight to Tel Aviv! We have some time to get snacks and stuff, so I grab a lemonade (wayyy better than the Austrian one...) and head upstairs to have a short introductory meeting. The staff bought us some danish type pastries, so I sit alone and listen to the presentation while sipping lemonade and enjoying the danish! We go to the bathroom (where I smoke with no problem), then get on the bus! We make a quick stop at a shady little gas station to exchange money, and the guy doing it looks just like Nicky Rubenstein from Entourage! Even has a yarmulke on! I also go inside and buy this thing called a milky bar and holy shit is it good! I think I also get a mango juice drink! Laur and I sit together and stare at the country side as we drive to our first Kibbutz. It’s on the Sea of Galilee and it’s super cute. It’s a little compound of small apartments! Ours had a tub, but I never used it. 😔 We had the same roommates here for 3 days, and thankfully I had two of the best - Caitlin and Sarah G! I got the big bed the first night and I’m glad I did. I think we put our things down, ate some dinner and went to our first activity. We had to write an interesting fact on a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it around the room. My fact was that I like to code webpages for fun, and no one guessed it was me! After this, we had some free time to walk around and explore. According to my journal, I hung with Laur and “some other cool people”. I know Laur and I went down to the little canopy, smoked our pens and played the five senses game. We noticed there were no stars and no bugs. It was gorgeous! Also, the funniest and also the most awkward part was when these Dutch girls walked up, also exploring, and we started a conversation with them. They asked us if we were on Birthright and we said we were, and found out they were as well. We asked them where they were from and they told us (the Netherlands? Can’t remember specifically...) Laur STRAIGHT UP asked them if they spoke English. I cringed and also died laughing because, typical Laur. After that I think we hung with Aaron, Dakoda and Yoni? We stayed up pretty late, but then we must gave crashed pretty hard to prepare for the next day!

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akanthabilling · 7 years

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Rise From The Ashes || Self-Para

i go looking for fear down the alleys and homes it's a war in my mind but i can't shake off the joy in my bones

It was weird to think that several weeks had already passed since she left camp and once more, she found herself waiting for Argus.

Her home hadn’t changed since the last time she’d been there, when she was just thirteen years old. The paint was rundown, the grass dead. Maybe she was expecting the sad home to look a little different- a little more well kept, at the very least, but absolutely nothing had changed. When the bus pulled up, her father stood in the doorway waiting for her-- a smile on his face.

He wasn’t with her now, as she waited on the concrete step that led up to her doorway. Though he tried, he hadn’t been able to take the day off of work, so Akantha sat by herself, possessions at her feet.

It was strange at first, being home. She had let herself focus so intently on everything she lacked, built an image in her head of a person she never truly knew. To her thirteen year old self, her father was a measly villain, intent on ruining her life. It was his fault, she thought. It was his fault that she had no television. His fault that she lacked a cellphone, or toys, or even new clothes. She was his daughter, after all. Maybe she didn’t deserve all those things, but that didn’t matter; it was his job to try.

And yet, being back was different. Nothing seemed to really change, they still didn’t have a television and the cabinets were filled with Macaroni and Cheese, and Hamburger Helper. And yet, it was different because Akantha was actually paying attention.

Argus pulled up into the empty driveway, stepping out to retrieve her bags. He was silent, the eyes on the back of his neck cracked open just enough to see behind him. It truly was a terrible neighborhood that they were in-- but it was the only one her father could afford. He worked two jobs now that she was living at camp. Even still, he tried to take off as many days as possible. And yet every morning when Akantha woke up, he was off working-- and he could still barely afford the mortgage.

She didn’t thank the glorified security guard as she climbed into the camp van, instead looking forlorn at her home. A bitterness welled up inside her as she thought about all the thing waiting for her back at camp. Here, she had a father who actually cared. He could see the conflict in her eyes, could hear the lie in her voice that first night when he asked if she was okay. Still, he didn’t press. He stayed with her, brought her favorite meal, but not once did she feel obligated to tell him what happened.

She did tell him, eventually. She allowed herself two night to cry before it all came pouring out. She told him about Octavian, mostly. About how he was terrible: he had taken lives and most people considered him as the worst person they had ever met. And yet at his best, he was nicer to Akantha than most kids at her camp. Sure, at his worst he was conceited and entitled, but he taught Akantha how to take care of herself and she--

Love and hate were both such strong, decisive words. They both implied extremities in a way that made Akantha uncomfortable. She didn’t hate Drew or Annabeth or Bastian and she could say without a single doubt that she didn’t love Octavian. They hadn’t been together for very long, it was stupid to throw around a word like that so carelessly. No, she didn’t love Octavian. But Gods, she liked him so much.

She wasn’t sure what to expect, if she was being honest. She had no idea if her father would join the others and yell at her, or tell her that she deserved this kind of hurt. At the very least, she expected him to tell her that Octavian deserved what he got. She most definitely didn’t expect him to wrap his arms around her to comfort her.

“You know,” he started, a faraway look in his eyes. “I loved your mother very much. Actually, it’s pretty funny when you think about it. I didn’t know her for very long, a week at most. She was beautiful, but she wasn’t that nice of a person. But... I loved her. I didn’t know she was a goddess until she brought you, but I knew she was special. She spoke to me in a way I never thought I deserved, reminded me what it felt like to be happy. And then, just as soon as she came, she left.”

A silence fell over them as Akantha tried to piece together his words. She wasn’t entirely sure where he was trying to get at, but thankfully she didn’t have to wait long. “I don’t think they realize what they’re doing, the Gods. It’s the same way the upperclass don’t understand the poor, they can’t wrap their brains around the things we have to go to. I doubt your mother ever understood why I was so angry at her when she brought you to me.

“I was worse off back then, living in a one bedroom apartment, working less than minimum wage. I tried to tel her that there had to be someone else more suitable, but all she gave me was an explanation, a warning, and you... I didn’t think anything could make me feel as much as she did, but you never cease to surprise me. You became my life.”

He fell silent once more as he finished. Akantha opened her mouth, full of questions, but none of them came spilling out. Instead, she gaped at him, finally allowing one word to escape her lips. “...Okay?”

Passing underneath a bridge, Akantha tried to remember the warm feeling she got when her dad laughed. It was always short, like he had time for better things, but there was no doubt that it was a true laugh. His eyes always wrinkled up at the corners, his head tossing back as he barked out his laugh. She could recall the way it looked, the way it sounded, but the feeling was gone.

He laughed, rubbing his hand over her shoulder a few times. “You can’t let this consume you, kiddo. It’s more than okay to be upset, you loved this guy, but what do you want from these kids?”

“Maybe to be a decent fucking person and let me grieve?” Akantha shot back, all but tearing herself from her father’s arms. She thought about the way that Bastian treated her, her rage continuing to grow. Her fingers clenched into fists, her eyes narrowing. Out of the corner of them, she saw her father raise his hands in a sign of surrender and she tentatively relaxed.

“You can’t always expect that from people, though. We’re a selfish creature and thinking about ourselves first will always be ingrained in our brains. Besides, you shouldn’t want anyone to pity you. Pity is a terrible emotion, it makes you weak.”

He placed his hand over hers and she felt herself asking, “What am I supposed to do? How do I get through this?”

“You rise above it all. Something better will come, but you have to make it happen.”

The ride back to Long Island was silent, neither Akantha nor Argus willing to talk. She tracked the movements of the other cars, thinking back to a conversation she had with Octavian once. He had given her the exact same advice, telling her to rise above her problems. Just like her dad, she had asked him what she was supposed to do with something like this. “You get tougher. Accept it. Get revenge if that’s what it takes. Letting it consume you is just silly.” Those words resonated with her, not just now, but during her entire stay at home.

“Why can’t I just stay here? I could get a job, help out, go back to school here,” she was all but scrambling for some hope that she could stay. Her father had already sent out a letter to camp for her retrieval, but she knew it could be taken back.

“It’s not safe for you out here,” was his only reply. But he was right. They didn’t know where she was, hadn’t discovered her home yet, but she was attracting monsters. Her scent wasn’t all that strong, but it was enough.

Still, she wished she could stay, even for another week. Even though she knew that it was her time-- plus, she missed Charlie.

The van pulled into came, Akantha’s expression hardened. She hadn’t needed to mull over it on the ride back, but it felt nice soaking in her anger, instead of her sadness. She was going to rise above this, weather they liked it or not. Akantha had sworn to herself, she was going to get revenge.

#pantheon self-para

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