#today i didnt talk for like two seconds because i was putting in their complicated order and they went

[sp00ky-scary]

can customers stop talking to the drive thru speaker like it's a fucking ouija board, im losing my mind

[haloburns]

had some free time to think today and i just. got really sad about the life i used to think i was going to have before i became disabled

(whoops this turned into a Journal Entry, so im putting it beneath a read more sry lmao)

like. i had plans to travel europe and work in cafes and stay out too late in clubs with my new friends and then stumble in to open the cafe with my clothes from the night before and smeared makeup. and like, maybe thats a weird dream to have, but id spent so long in this tiny little box in my hometown (kinda. its complicated bc ive lived where i am now longer than the place i was born, but my birthplace will always be my hometown, to me.) so i was reaching for experiences so drastically different from the life id known.

but then i went to college out of state. 10h from home, almost in canada. and i did spend a good chunk of my first two years partying exactly like i described: work until 8/9, go home eat something fatty and greasy, change into smth slutty and cool, and go out with my friends and stay out until the wee hours, making out and dancing with whoever asked. two one night stands came of it, both embarrassing for different reasons (thats a whole different post lmao but i dont regret either, actually) but i had so much fun. i felt free. like i could truly be myself for the first time in my life

and then i became disabled.

(caveat: ive probably been disabled my whole life, but i simply. never noticed. i didnt know it wasnt normal to be in pain, because i didnt know what 'pain-free' meant. it wasnt until i started making diasbled and crippled friends that they made me realize that living at a 4/5 on the pain scale All The Time is in fact not normal)

i got a terrible cold my first thanksgiving. spent the entire break on the couch in the lounge sniffling and coughing, trash can, tissues, hand sanitizer, and lotion all right next to me because i was DETERMINED not to get anyone sick (context: this was pre covid. wearing masks was like. not a thought.) despite everyone having gone home/away for the break. i got my first (and only) case of viral pink eye. i had bronchitis until april. that same january, while i still had bronchitis, my knees suddenly swelled up so badly i couldnt move for two days. my knees have ached almost daily since then.

from there, it was simply a cascade failure of things. fingers and wrist hurt constantly, no matter what i did or what brace i wore. (hint: i ended up having de quervaines tenosynovitis and had to have surgery bc it went untreated for 5+ years) back was constantly cramping. feet hurt after only a four hour shift. stairs became impossible. i was constantly exhausted, no matter what i did.

then, in december 2020, i was home like everyone else, and i was working in my mom's office full time while also attending classes full time remotely (like everyone else). my mom took a week off. finals week. she left me in charge, since i was the second most senior person in the office with my roughly two years experience. my half sister was demanding to know why our other sister wouldnt talk to her after she borrowed our car to go see our estranged father. again. (we gave her permission to borrow the car, but it still hurt). the exhaustion was getting worse and worse until thursday of that week. my coworker was threatening to call my mom to come pick me up because i couldnt think, could barely talk, and i was nodding off at my desk. and then my half sister called out of nowhere and wanted to talk. and i was so tired, so done with EVERYTHING, i let her have it. that took the last bit of my energy and i told my coworker to call my mom.

i spent a week in bed with the worst pain in my life. my entire body ACHED. my cat couldnt lay on me because it felt like i was being crushed to death my a bed of needles. my elbow swelled up so badly i could hardly move it. i could barely sit up to eat or stand to go pee. i slept SO MUCH.

i returned to work maybe a week or two after. i maybe finished my classes but i hoenstly dont remember. i moved back up to school in jan/feb with covid restrictions so i could finish my senior year on campus. i couldnt walk to the mail room and back without needing a nap. i couldnt go to starbucks and bring back two coffees without needing a break in the middle of my walk. i went to the health services because something wasnt right.

after some tests and lots of arguing with some shitty doctors and PTs, the light of my life, dr k diagnosed me with chronic fatigue. i finally had an answer for all my issues.

i thought that was it.

that summer, june/july 2021, i developed postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome and fought to get it taken seriously. two er trips with elevated heart rate, brain fog, and high bp, and it took the second trip to have them take me SERIOUSLY and get a referral. the cardiologist told me i was fat and just needed to exercise more, the three heart monitors don't show stereotypical tachycardic events, so im just experiencing elevated heart rates. i was fine. finally convince him to put me on propranolol, the "as needed" dose, and fuck off when he says he wants to work me off them and get me exercising.

i found a doctor who took me seriously and listened when i said "i have x problem. i would like a solution." and gave me referral after referral after referral, chasing more and more diagnoses. she never once made me feel insane for my symptoms, never made me feel unheard, and she never failed to make me cry in relief every time i went to see her and didnt have to fight for just an ounce of care.

since then, ive been diagnosed with moderate asthma, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, and potentially (almost assuredly) hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome. (for those of you keeping track, thats six diagnoses in four years) dr m, my savior, retired this year, and ive found a new doctor im hoping i can teach to treat me with the same care and respect. shes already given me a second referral to gastroenterology for my stomach issues (which... might just be from too much ibuprofen... :) rip me) and neurology bc my migraines that have crippled me for upwards of a month before are no longer being managed by my meds and i need something more specific before i start new meds. she said shed find me a doctor to dx heds, bc shes still new and wasnt comfortable with the tests required and didnt want to do it wrong, which endears her to me just a little more

but all of ^^^ that is just a big winding way to say that my life has changed a LOT since i graduated high school. i can no longer stand for long periods of time. i cant lift more than maybe 5-10lbs, and i certainly cant carry it for any significant length of time. i get migraines so easily. my joints slip out of place if i step wrong. i cant go out one night and expect to be up and at'em early the next day. i have to weigh my energy vs what i want to get done vs what needs to get done, and most days, nothing gets done at all.

and sometimes, usually when i get a new diagnosis and a new complication to my life, i mourn the life i used to dream about for myself. i mourn the things ive had to lose out on because my reality has changed so drastically. i cant go to amusement parks anymore. i cant go to standing-room-only concerts. i cant go to the grocery by myself. and you can forget doing things like wandering through the mall to kill time or going for a leisurely walk around the park.

being disabled is not the worst thing to happen to me, and i dont think im damaged or broken or anything like that. despite all the pain and complications and accomodations i have and need, i love myself the way i am. after all, i am now the funniest fucking person in ANY room. i dont think i want it back, because i love the life i have now (meaningful volunteer work, a dnd group i love, and a partner i thank the stars for regularly). but sometimes, its hard not to mourn the life i thought id have

[mikauzoran]

Lady Noir/Ladrien: I’m Learning to Love (Walking Away from Things): Chapter Two

Many thanks to @shadownoble for the prompt for this chapter!

Read it on AO3: I’m Learning to Love (Walking Away from Things: Chapter Two: Starlight

Groaning in exhaustion, Adrien collapsed facedown onto his bed.

Yet again, his father had run him ragged with photoshoots on top of magazine interviews on top of variety show appearances. That wasn’t even counting the extracurriculars he still had to do and the significant workload of his university classes.

He was so wiped, he almost didn’t move to look at his phone when it pinged with an incoming text.

When he saw the sender, however, he was glad that he’d put forth the effort. It was Ladybug checking in on him.

“i remember you saying you had a busy day so i wanted to see how it went”

A second message quickly followed the first: “hang in there!”

His heart melted a little at her concern.

“Thanks for thinking of me, Buguinette. <3” he typed back. “Today”

He paused, briefly considering lying and telling her that it had gone fine. Ultimately, though, he decided on honesty.

“didn’t go very well. There were a lot of problems that put us behind schedule, and my father was in a bad mood. I’m surprised no one got akumatized, honestly.”

“are you okay?” she replied immediately.

He bit his lip.

“he didnt take it out on you did he?” she prompted, and he suspected that she already knew the answer.

Adrien winced, hedging, “I’m all right. Just tired. It was a long day.”

His father had, in fact, lashed out at Adrien, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. Ladybug was already on the warpath against his father, and he didn’t need to give her any more reasons to hold a grudge.

Several minutes passed with no response from Ladybug, so Adrien flopped back down on the bed and closed his eyes.

He was just starting to doze off when a knock on his window pulled him out of the dazed limbo between sleep and wakefulness.

Adrien sat up with a jolt and found Ladybug smiling and waving from the other side of the glass panes.

He fumbled for the remote on his nightstand and hurriedly pointed it at the windows.

“Good evening,” she greeted cheerily as she stepped down into his room. “It’s not too late for a visit, is it?”

“A visit from you?” he chuckled. “Never. For you, my window is always open.”

“Good to know,” she laughed, taking in his rumpled, worn state. “I actually came to make sure you were doing okay and see if you wanted to go stargazing with me, but you look pretty beat.”

Sheepishly, he admitted, “I might be a tiny bit dead on my feet, but I’d never pass up the opportunity to spend time with you, My Lady.”

She didn’t know if she was ever going to get used to hearing him say that with Adrien’s face. It was taking all of her available energy to keep it together around him because she knew that treating him differently would only make things worse and defeat the purpose of her knowing his identity in the first place.

Oblivious to his partner’s internal struggle, Adrien got to his feet and was just about to call on his transformation when he remembered and winced.

“…Except…I promised Plagg that if he were good today, he could relax and watch his Netflix shows and eat Camembert in his sock drawer the rest of the evening.”

Ladybug shrugged, unconcerned. “You don’t have to transform. Just put a jacket on so you don’t get cold, and I can carry you.”

Cheeks burning, Adrien did as bid, slipping on a jacket and then taking her proffered hand.

The feel of her suit on his bare skin was odd but not uncomfortable. He couldn’t compare it to any material he was familiar with.

Not for the first time, he wished that there didn’t have to be a barrier between them.

“At least we’re one step closer to that reality with her knowing my identity,” he tried to comfort himself.

Meanwhile, Ladybug was internally freaking out and glad she still had the thin veil of anonymity to hide behind.

Almost a week after learning her partner’s identity, she was still struggling to reconcile Chat Noir with Adrien, and the feelings she had for both of them were making things complicated.

With a smile carefully pasted in place, she scooped him up into her arms and set off over the rooftops.

She didn’t go far—only to the Eiffel Tower a few blocks from the Agreste Mansion.

“Do you know much about the stars?” he asked as they settled into their usual spots at the top of the monument, away from the prying eyes of the public.

“Not really,” she confessed, sheepishly pushing a lock of hair out of her face. “You?”

“A little.” He pointed up at the sky. “Even though it’s autumn now, you can still see the summer triangle. There’s Vega, Deneb, and Altair.”

She nodded as she made out three bright stars that seemed to form a triangle.

“Over there by the moon, you can see Jupiter and Saturn,” he added, motioning to what looked like two big, dazzling stars.

She frowned. “How can you tell them apart from regular stars?”

“Planets don’t twinkle,” he explained. “Since they’re closer and bigger, their light doesn’t get distorted by the Earth’s atmosphere as much as the stars that are farther away. So, while stars twinkle when dust particles pass between them and us, planets shine more steadily because the dust particles don’t obstruct as much of their light.”

It was the kind of thing that wasn’t out of place coming from Adrien, but Ladybug couldn’t imagine having the same conversation with Chat Noir.

She blinked at him in amazement. “You’re really smart, Chaton.”

“Me? Smart?” A short bark of laughter caught him by surprise, and he shook his head. “I’m just a nerd whose parents kept him locked up most of his childhood. I read a lot to fill the time, so I’ve got a ton of useless trivia floating around up here.”

He tapped the side of his head. “For example, did you know that cats purr to self-sooth? Or, how about that the first cat video was filmed in 1894?”

Now it was her turn to burst out laughing.

That was her dumb cat, all right.

“You are such a dork,” she chortled, shaking her head in disbelief.

He shrugged, looking back up at the sky with a grin.

It was a huge relief that things between them hadn’t changed all that much since she’d learned his identity. It made him think that maybe things would be okay.

Her laughter slowly faded, and she scooted in a little closer, joining him in gazing up at the stars.

They sat there for several minutes before she spoke again.

“…You know…” She swallowed, mentally steeling herself for the confession. “…there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Hm?” He tipped his head to the side, his curious gaze meeting her apprehensive one.

“I thought you should know that, about six years ago, I had this ridiculous crush on you—Adrien you,” she clarified.

His eyes flew as wide as galaxies. “You… What?”

“It wasn’t a celebrity crush or anything!” she rushed to assure, waving her arms wildly. “I…I sort of know you in real life, and I had a crush on you.”

His mouth opened and closed several times, and, after a handful of false starts, he managed to respond. “You said that you had a crush on me. Like…as in past tense.”

He drew in a slow breath, mentally preparing himself for the worst. “May I ask what I did that made your crush a past tense thing? Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh!” she gasped, waving her arms like an air traffic controller yet again. “No! Nothing like that. It wasn’t your fault. It was me.”

He winced. “So…‘it’s not you; it’s me’ is what you’re saying?”

She cringed, realizing what an insincere cop out that sounded like. “No. For real, Adrien. It was me. I needed to prioritize my duties as Ladybug, so I didn’t have time for dating, but…mostly…it was that I realized that I didn’t know you as well as I should for how obsessed with you I was.”

She averted her eyes as shame bubbled up hot and red on her cheeks. “It was unhealthy, and I decided that I needed to take a step back and focus on my friendship with you…so that’s what I did. I concentrated on being your friend.”

Tentatively, she looked back up at him. “I think you needed a friend more than anything at the time anyway. …Though, I’m not sure if I even did a good job being your friend. I mean, I completely missed how bad your home life is, how much you hate your hobbies, how little control you feel like you have…”

He shook his head, setting his hand on her shoulder. “Buguinette, no. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I don’t let people see that side of things. Not even Nino knows the whole truth. I’m sure you did your best to be a good friend to me.”

He bit his lip and hesitated. “…Though…I kind of wish you would have said something about your feelings for me.” He accompanied his words with a wink and a teasing Chat Noir grin.

She rolled her eyes and swatted his arm. “Flirt. You would have turned me down flat. You would have been nice about it, but you’d never have gone out with me.”

He grimaced when he realized that she was most likely right. “Probably. I may be stupid, but at least I’m loyal.”

“You’re not stupid,” she groaned. “Be nice to yourself, you dumb cat.”

He leaned in and rested his head against hers. “…Thank you. It means a lot to me that you care.”

“Of course I care,” she sighed. “You have no idea how much I care about you—both sides of you.”

She took a slow, steady breath. “…Plenty of other people care about you too, Adrien. That’s why I think you need to open up with your friends. Nino at least should know about how bad things are. He loves you, and he’d do anything he could to help.”

Adrien pulled away, straightening up and shaking his head. “I don’t want to be a burden on them.”

“They would never think of you that way,” she insisted vehemently.

“I don’t want them to worry when there’s nothing really they can do,” he amended.

“They can at least listen,” she argued. “They can text you cat memes and check in on you and let you vent. Isn’t that all you really want? People supporting you and validating your feelings and reminding you that you’re loved?”

He pursed his lips, silently considering for a long stretch. “…Yes, but…”

“Marinette told me what happened at the photoshoot today, what your father said to you.”

Adrien winced.

He’d known that Marinette was there at the shoot interning, but…

“Marinette heard that?”

Ladybug nodded.

Practically everyone on site had heard Gabriel railing at Adrien.

“He was wrong, you know.” She reached up and gingerly started massaging his scalp. “You’re not useless. He has no idea what he’s talking about.”

Adrien made a noncommittal noise as he closed his eyes and lowered his head to her shoulder.

“You’re amazing and wonderful and hardworking and kind and smart and brave…and the best partner ever,” she stressed with unwavering conviction. “Your father is blind if he can’t see how incredible you are.”

“Thank you, My Lady,” he whispered, voice brittle and trembling as he held in tears.

“…You should tell your friends,” she repeated, gently urging. “You should have support in your daily life, Adrien. I can’t always be there for you, but I want you to have that kind of support. You deserve it.”

“Maybe,” he mumbled into her shoulder. “It’s just…my friends all have really solid family relationships. I don’t think they’d even understand.”

“But they’d try,” she countered. “They’d want to try to understand. They love you.”

“It’s hard to tell people you respect that you’re not all right,” he sighed.

She kept pressing, desperate to get him more support. “They’re not going to think any less of you, Chaton. I don’t. …Maybe start with someone you know will be on your side. Maybe Nino? Or…or Marinette? She was awfully worried about you today. I’m sure she’d want to help.”

Adrien winced and pulled away, sitting up to meet Ladybug’s gaze. “Yeah, but I already told one girl I like that I’m a mess this week. I don’t think I’m emotionally prepared to tell the other one too.”

She stared at him, blinking slowly as her braincells tried to reconfigure what he had said into something that made sense.

“You… You like…?”

An adoring smile spread across his lips, and a soft blush lit up his face. He nodded, rubbing sheepishly at the back of his neck.

“Marinette,” he completed, voice full of affection when he said her name. “Yeah. I do. I have for a while now. She’s so sweet and thoughtful and fierce and courageous.”

He laughed. “I’m lucky she deigns to be my friend. Ladybug, she’s so out of my league.”

“I’m sorry. What?” she scoffed, not believing what she was hearing. “You—you who are not only Chat Noir but also Adrien Agreste—you think that Marinette Dupain-Cheng is out of your league?”

Earnestly, he nodded. “Ladybug, she’s amazing. She’s like you.”

She covered her face with her hands as her brain overloaded from how adorable he was.

“Marinette’s not out of your league,” Ladybug grumbled. “…and neither am I.”

His eyebrows slowly climbed up into his hairline.

“Shut up,” she replied preemptively.

A broad grin broke out on his face as he realized that maybe Ladybug’s feelings for Adrien weren’t entirely a past tense thing after all.

“Stop that,” she groaned.

“What? I’m not doing anything,” he chuckled, cuddling up beside her once more.

“You’re being smug,” she pouted, dropping her hands from her face and wrapping an arm around him.

“I would never,” he playfully protested.

A comfortable silence fell between them as they snuggled and gazed at the stars once more.

“…Maybe I should talk with my friends about what’s going on,” Adrien whispered after a long stretch. “It’s just really hard to be vulnerable like that.”

She gave him an encouraging squeeze. “We can practice, if you think that will help.”

He took a deep breath. “Hey, Nino? There’s something I want to talk with you about, if it’s okay.”

“Sure, Mec,” Ladybug responded, doing her best Nino impression. “What’s up, mon pote?”

“…My relationship with my father is in the rubbish bin, and I kind of hate my life,” Adrien groaned.

“Dude. That is it, Mec. I’m adopting you,” Ladybug as Nino decreed. “I’ll fight anyone who gets in my way. We’re gonna make this right.”

Adrien burst out laughing, leaning heavily on his partner. “I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. That’s probably exactly what he’s going to say.”

“So, you’ll tell him?” she pressed, mentally crossing her fingers.

Adrien blew out a long exhale. “Yeah. I’ll try to talk to my friends soon. You’re right. It’s more than I can deal with on my own, and I could seriously use my friends.”

“That’s what we’re here for,” Ladybug reminded, giving his hair a nuzzle.

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: Negan becomes obsessed with his mistress.]

Smut

Negan and Malia

Negan lay beside you smoking his cigarette as you lay on his chest. The two of you had just finished having wild sex as you usually did. You loved when he came over but you always hated when he had to leave.

"When are you going to bring me to your house?"

"Malia. We've already had this conversation before." He took another hit of the cigarette before putting it out.

"I know but theres always some kind of excuse. We either come to my house or a hotel and we've been dating for six months." Negan sighed as he rubbed your back before you looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Any other man would've-"

"Dont fucking tell me what any other man would do with you cause you're not with any other damn man. You're with me."

Negan turned very serious, he hated even the mention of you being with someone else.

"Let me start going." He stood up leaving you naked in bed under the covers. You sighed as he went to the bathroom before hearing his phone buzz. Usually you wouldnt allow yourself to look at it but things had been too weird. Looking back up at the bathroom door you reached for his phone and found it to be unlocked. There was a text message from a woman named Lucille.

"Meet me at the hospital for my appointment, I'll be there till 4. I love you." You whispered the text message to yourself feeling your heart sink. Scrolling back to old messages you realized they lived together, Negan had a girlfriend? Anger started to rise in you as you went further and further each message telling you more before realizing, Negan didnt have a girlfriend...he was married.

The sound of the toilet flushing made you quickly look up and place the phone back where it was. You knew he had been lying about something but you had no idea it was to this extent. Standing up from the bed you began to get dressed as he came out of the bathroom fully dressed himself.

"And where the hell are you going?" He asked as he looked at you strangely.

"Where are you going?" You asked with a raised brow.

"I told you. I had some errands to run." He looked you dead in the eye with lies.

"With Lucille?" You placed your hand on your hip, you could tell by his expression you caught him off guard. Without saying a word he looked back at his phone then back to you.

"Yeah, I saw your stupid messages. Your wife is waiting for you at the hospital." You emphasized on the word wife, he could see you were angry, you were fuming.

"Sweetheart," he smirked.

"Dont sweetheart me, you lying piece of shit. You're married, you're fucking married."

"Listen Malia, it's been complicated." Negan spoke back with a tone you didnt like.

"Complicated? You had me as a damn mistress-"

"You're not a mistress." He raised his voice cutting you off.

"I think you need to go."

"We'll talk about this when I get back."

"I dont want you coming back." You shot back with a straight face.

"Well that's too damn bad, I said we'll talk about it when I get back." Negan walked past you leaving you in shock. You couldnt believe this man had the nerve to act this way. All this time he had someone else, all this time hes lived with another woman, you felt more rage than anything.

That night you wanted nothing but to go out for a drink, to hell with Negan. You put on a tight black dress and got yourself ready to go out and have fun at the local bar in town. Negan had been blowing up your phone but you didnt care. The second you texted him telling him that you wanted this relationship to be over, he flipped. Sitting down at the bar you already had a handsome man approach you and offer you a drink. The two of you hit it off laughing together as you continued to feel your phone buzz. The man sitting with you went to use the restroom as you sat smiling to yourself feeling good. In your own world, you hadn't noticed Negan enter the bar. Angrily he searched the place for you before spotting you sitting by yourself in a corner.

"You wanna answer your fucking messages?" You gasped to find Negan beside you.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I can say the same for you, sweetheart." He knew exactly where to find you as this was the same place the two of you had met.

"Negan, I told you we are done." Your response making him chuckle.

"I beg to differ, Malia." Just as you were about to respond the man you were flirting with all night sat beside you.

"Everything alright?" He asked making Negan give him a threatening glare.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Negan, stop it." You got nervous as the other man stood up defensively.

"I'm buying a drink for this fine woman, you got a problem?"

"This fine ass woman is my woman, so yeah I have a fucking problem. Let's go, Malia." Negan pulled out your chair and grabbed your arm.

"What the hell are you doing?!" You tried pulling your arm back but he wouldnt let go.

"Listen man she doesnt have to go with you if she doesnt want to."

"Hey asshole, I suggest you mind your fucking business." Negan practically pulled you off the chair and dragged you out the bar.

"Let go of me!" You screamed in the parking lot making him finally release you.

"Get in the fucking car, we're going home."

"I'm not going home, I dont wanna talk to you." You crossed your arms turning away from him.

"Sweetheart, I'm giving you one more chance. Get in the car."

"No." You responded flatly making him sigh before he suddenly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder.

"Stop it! Put me down!" You kicked but he held onto you tightly and sat you in the passenger seat of his truck.

"I gave you a chance to come here on your own didnt I?"

"You're crazy!" You screamed as you adjusted yourself on the seat eventually giving up.

"Oh I know." Negan climbed into the driver's seat and started the car before driving off. Angrily you remained silent looking out the window as you pulled down your dress. Negan looked over at you and licked his lips before looking back at the road.

"You look sexy." You didnt say a word to him as you remained looking away from him.

"Come on, baby. Why do you have to be so stubborn?" You took a deep breath clearly annoyed by him just wanting to get home. Finally he drove into your drive way and quickly you got out as he followed.

"Woah woah woah, I dont get a goodnight kiss?" You scoffed in disbelief.

"I cant believe you. Negan just go home, me and you are over."

"No we are not." He answered in a matter of fact tone.

"Malia, I love you."

"Unbelievable.." you muttered to yourself as he stepped closer.

"You think I dont love you? I left my damn wife at home to come find you because you didnt want to answer my damn messages." He raised his voice staring down at you.

"Oh, how romantic of you." You responded sarcastically before turning away from him and unlocking your door. Negan followed you inside as you shook off your high heels and threw your purse on the couch.

"You need to go."

"Im not leaving until we talk." You sighed in frustration before you turned to him.

"Fine, you wanna talk? Do you have any idea how many men I can have right now-"

"You be very careful where you're going with that, sweetheart." Negan cut you off slowly walking towards you.

"Oh please, I need to be careful with what I say? I was so close to getting fucked tonight by-"

"Hey!" He roared loudly making you jump. You swallowed nervously as he took another step closer looking down at you.

"No ones fucking you but me." A mixture of anger and arousal at his words made you look away.

"So.." you cleared your throat speaking calmly.

"You get to screw all the women you want and I have to be just for you?"

"Who said I was screwing anyone else?" He asked in a low voice.

"Negan, you're married." You stared up af him in disbelief.

"Yeah well, things are complicated, baby."

You turned away from him not wanting to hear anything else when your phone began to ring.

"Who the fuck is calling you at this time?"

You looked down at your phone noticing the name of the man you had just been talking to at the bar.

"You've gotta be kidding me, dont tell me you gave that asshole your number?"

"Yes, Negan I did. So what? Look, I think you should go. I just want to get in bed."

"I wanna get in bed with you."

"No. I want to be alone."

Negan moved closer to you slowly placing his hands on your hips.

"Come on, baby. You're really gonna stay pissed at me?"

"Are you joking?" You looked up at him feeling annoyed before he unexpectedly aggressively pulled you against him making your body slam against his.

"Does it look like I'm joking?" How can you not be mad at him, was he insane?

"Just go okay? We'll talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Negan agreed as his hands slowly fell from your hips.

Negan finally gave in, slamming the door loudly as he left for the night. Truth be told you didnt want to talk him or see him again. Who did he think you were, thinking youd be ok to be with a married man?

The next day at work you sat in your cubicle going over paperwork when one of your coworkers let you know your boyfriend was there.

"What?" You asked in shock and confusion when Negan appeared with a grin.

"Hey baby, I wanted to take you out for your lunch." You couldnt believe he had the nerve to show up and casually act like nothing had happened.

"Negan, I cant today. I have alot of work to catch up on." As you spoke, a male colleague of yours caught Negans eye, he noticed the man staring at your ass as he walked towards you from behind.

"Who's this asshole?" Negan asked you low making you turn to see your coworker, Peter approaching you.

"Peter, hi." You smiled, the sound of your voice excitedly saying another mans name made him look at you with deep furrowed brows.

"Good afternoon, gorgeous." The man reached in for a platonic kiss on the cheek with his hand on your waist making Negan tense up.

"Woah woah woah prick, keep your fucking hands to yourself."

"Negan." You turned to him bulging your eyes out.

"This is my boss." You spoke nervously as Negan chuckled.

"Oh wait, you're the boss that gave her that promotion a month back arent you? What you thought if you gave her a promotion youd get to tap that ass?"

"Negan! Peter...I'm so sorry-"

"Dont fucking be sorry for me, you dont see the way this asshole looks at you?" Negan responded angrily.

"Alright, Sir I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere without my woman." Peter gave you a warning glare making you sigh.

Pulling Negan outside you shoved his shoulder back angrily.

"Enough is enough, this is done Negan. I cant be with you anymore."

"Malia-"

"No I dont want to hear what you have to say. This has gone too far."

"Malia, God dammit.. you belong to me." His lip quivered as he spoke with intensity, the thought of Peter or any other man coming close to you made him enraged.

"Negan, I mean it I'm done. Do not come in here again because if you do, Peter will call security. Just stop, go home to your wife." And with that you walked away from him leaving him pissed. Negan wasnt ready to leave you, he couldnt help the feelings that he had for you. Whether you wanted to believe it or not Negan felt he truly loved you.

You felt no matter what you said to Negan he always found a way to go against it. He was a stubborn and persistent man. He had a temper towards any man that came close to you, he didnt trust it. Although you had feelings for him you didnt want to be apart of the mess any longer. You felt sorry for his wife, you felt betrayed, you were still angry.

The next day you woke up to the sound of chaos outside your house. There was screaming, sirens, you even thought you heard a few gunshots. Looking out the window you saw people screaming and running, there was blood everywhere. You gasped when you saw one man bite another.

"What the hell's going on?" You whispered to yourself before running to the tv and noticing all channels had no signal.

"Shit." You muttered before turning to your phone and noticing seven missed calls from Negan and a lost signal. You had no idea what the hell was going on but you knew that although you had feelings for Negan, this was your chance to break free from his possessiveness. This was your chance to get away.

Two years down the road many things had changed around you. The world changed as you knew it, you lost touch of everyone you knew and began staying with a small group. These things that came out attacking people, these walkers...they were like nothing the world had faced before. The group you were with was talking about another group they ran into, they called themselves "the saviors". They were the new threat you were all facing and they found where you all resided. One of the men said they were coming today, they had some sort of offer but your friend didnt sound convinced that it was a good one.

"Shit, I see their cars coming." Your friend Lenny muttered as he over looked the road.

"Everyone take your places!" You stood behind one of houses in the road with your hand gun and waited for the cars to pull up. The men slowly started to come out seeming to be waiting for one last man to come out. Taking a deep breath you squinted your eyes aiming your gun when a man you had not seen in two years came into view.

It was Negan.

Your lips parted in shock as you slowly bought your gun down. He came out of the car with an arrogant look. You couldnt believe it was actually him, he was the leader of the Saviors?

"Fuck.." you whispered to yourself looking around, you couldnt let him see you. You didnt want him to see you. Without alerting your group you turned running inside one of the houses, Negan instantly catching the quick movement.

"Woah, who was that?"

"Who?" Lenny looked behind him knowing you were the only one there. Negan didnt say a word signaling for one of his men, Simon to take over of watch for him. Negan made his way to the house slowly opening the door, you heard him enter from where you were upstairs and cursed to yourself.

"Come out come out wherever you are." He taunted you with sarcastic playfulness. Quietly you hid in one of the bedrooms hiding yourself in the closet. Negan wasnt a stupid man and you knew this, you began to hear him slowly make his way up the stairs.

"Come on lady, you're only making this harder for yourself." He yelled out before you heard him enter the very room you were in. You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard him look around the room. Your finger on the trigger as he carefully observed his surroundings, he right away noticed the closet door cracked.

"Oh you're just making this too damn easy for me." You took a deep breath as he moved towards the closet, the floors squeaking loudly before he opened the door. Negan was stunned at the sight of you, his brows were deeply knitted together before a smirk slowly appeared.

"Well shit, look who it is."

Slowly you lifted up the gun aiming it directly at him, finger on the trigger.

"That's cute."

"Back up." You spoke in a stern voice. Negan did as you asked as you slowly stepped out of the closet showing your full self. His eyes excitedly checking you out from head to toe. Your shoulder length hair had grown down to the middle of your back, the color also lighter than what he remembered.

"You look good, Malia."

"What the hell are your people doing to my group?"

"Your group huh? Did your group tell you how they got caught stealing from mine?"

"Stealing?" You asked with a puzzled expression.

"Oh yeah, sweetheart. Stealing, now how about you put that gun down and we can have a normal conversation." You didnt say a word nor move a muscle as he looked straight at you.

"Come on, have I ever fucking hurt you?"

"Funny you ask." You responded sarcastically remembering when you found out he was cheating with you.

"Baby girl, that was a long time ago now." You stayed silent staring at him for a moment before slowly putting the gun down.

"Good girl." He responded with an excited tone as you glared at him.

"You should take your people and leave," you responded bluntly making him frown.

"And leave my pretty little flower after I've just found her? I think the fuck not."

"Malia! You okay in there?" You heard Lenny yell from outside.

"Yes, I'm fine Lenny." You screamed back out the window before turning back to Negan.

"Lenny huh?" He licked his bottom lip as he stepped closer to you.

"Is he fucking you?"

"Dont start," you placed your hand your hip making him look down at your body and grin.

"God I always loved when you did that cute little pose." You crossed your arms clearly annoyed by him.

"Wheres your wife anyway, shouldn't you be off with her?" You noticed the look in his eyes change and just by the look you could tell what had happened.

"I'm sorry." A piece of you actually felt sorry for him.

"Well....I'm gonna go-" you went to walk past him before he gently grabbed your arm.

"Come on, dont leave me now." He looked over at you as you looked at the ground with a sigh.

"What are you gonna run off to that prick Lenny?"

"God dammit, Negan. You're still the same way." Negan chuckled before turning you fully towards him.

"What the hell makes you think I'd be any different?" His expression turning into a straight face.

"You dont think I've spent days wondering what the fuck happened to you? Wondering if you were still alive? You think now that I've found you I'll let any man take you from me?" You looked up at him speechlessly. His territorial ways were far from gone but a part of you did actually miss him. You shook your head looking away making him get closer to you.

"Tell me you didnt fucking miss me." Negan spoke aggresivly getting closer to you as you stepped back.

"Go ahead, say it so I can see the bullshit in your eyes."

"Stop it!"

"Or what!" He yelled back before realizing you wanted him to stop because you were getting aroused. He could tell by the way you were breathing, the way you couldnt look him in the eyes. Negan knew you all too well, the thought made him smirk.

"Am I making you all hot and bothered, sweetheart?"

"The hell makes you think that?" You responded defensively knowing he wasnt wrong.

"I dont know, you've got that look in your eye." Negans eyes lit up as he began to remember things that happened between the two of you.

"What look?"

"The look you'd always get everytime I teased you. You remember those days dont you?" Negan leaned in with his lips close to your ear.

"When I used to kiss every part of you and tell you how you were mine and only fucking mine." You heard him smile against you as you continued to listen to him. Truth be told, he was turning you on as much as you tried to fight it.

"You still are mine, you know that dont you?" You felt his hand slowly slide up your thigh as he began to kiss your neck making your eyes clothes. This is actually what you were trying to avoid, you knew his touch could make you weak. He knew what you liked and he took advantage of it. He slid his tongue around your neck making you moan softly against him.

"Negan....everyone's..downstairs-"

"Fuck them." He whispered roughly before he threw everything off the vanity beside you and turned you around, bending you over it. You squealed with excitement as he lowered your pants and his. He couldnt wait to feel you, he didnt even bother getting fully undressed. Not wasting anytime Negan thrusted himself into you making you scream.

"Oh yeah.." he groaned, you were already wet for him. He grabbed your waist hard as he slammed into you with full force. The vanity slamming against the wall loudly with each thrust, you melted by the feel of him.

"Look up," he ordered you aggresivly pulling you by your hair and holding your arms behind you. He made you look into the mirror in front of you. The pain was satisfying, Negans expression as he fucked you only turned you on more.

"You see that?" He panted against your ear.

"You're mine, only I can fuck you like this." Your lips parted but no sound came out as he moved faster.

"You hear me?!" He tugged at your hair hard making you scream.

"Yes!" You cried out as he bit down on his bottom lip hard before suddenly pulling out.

"Turn around-" he panted making you get on your knees as you quickly opened your mouth and he quickly came on your tongue. You took his cock in your mouth whole making him weak in the knees, sucking him dry.

"Fuck.." he whispered as you pulled away and swallowed every drop, wiping the corner of your lips. Negan was drenched in sweater under his leather jacket, you could see a sweat stain on his chest through his white shirt.

"God damn, Malia."

You smiled licking your lips as you fixed your clothes. Negan wiped his sweat off his face cleared his throat as he fixed his belt.

"Now what?" You whispered as he looked at you with a satisfying smile. Negan walked towards you and slowly caressed the side of your face as he looked at your lips.

"Now you come with me, baby and we finish where we left off." Negan leaned in and kissed you passionately, your stomach began to flutter. You hated that this man got to you like this but you couldnt help yourself. You had never stopped loving Negan and you wanted him all along.

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

Little Sunshine (Miss Venable x reader x Alice Macray)

okay..hi :) this is reallyyyy long xD And its the story of this 3 cuties and how they fell in love with each other.. Well, its a little bit like the 3. part of “purple roses” (purple roses u can find here: https://littlejeaniehugsbumblebees.tumblr.com/post/640902350735818752/purple-roses-ms-venable-x-reader ) 

I know, that there is no second part online today, but there will be! If u didnt read the first part, u dont need to, coz i wrote this fanfiction that way, that u dont have to read the first part, i guess its angst idk

anygays my english is a mess, thats why i use google translate:’)

can we just talk about the fact, how perfect alice and mina would match? Mina the hot top with all that bdsm vibes and on the other hand we got the cute and innocent Alice sksksks

I guess Mina is the protagonist of this fanfic 

A good description of your relationship would have been complicated. Because it was all incredibly complicated. Don't get me wrong, you loved your girlfriends and they loved you, but sometimes when you woke up between the two of them, when Mina had her arms wrapped around you from behind and when Alice was cuddled with her head against your chest, you might just be confused how all of that could be possible.

And sometimes you couldn't help but wonder what your life would be like without one of your girlfriends. But you knew that you could never live without one of them, that was a fact.

You needed both to be happy, there was no other way.

Mina brought firmness and structure into your life. Thanks to her, you had developed routines for your daily routine and were no longer so distracted. And you loved the fact about her that she was more rational than emotional about things.

And every time she went on a business trip and left Alice and you at home alone, a huge mess broke out and all structures were thrown away.

You would oversleep in the morning, be late for work and your house would turn into a huge disaster and mess.

It just wouldn't work without Mina.

Alice, on the other hand, was the most innocent, gentle, and naive person you had ever met. Mina helped you solve your problems, but Alice helped you understand and accept them. In addition, Alice was incredibly cute and she was fantastic at cooking.

And whenever you needed it, she was there to hug you and tell you how much she loved you.

And the proof that it wouldn't work without Alice was the relationship you had with Mina before Alice came into your life. At the moment when everything you had with Mina broke, it seemed like God would have sent a gentle angel to save you.

----------------------

"This is going to be a new record .." you said as you leaned into the door frame to watch your girlfriend who was still working at her desk.

"What do you mean?", She lifted her gaze from her laptop in confusion to stare at you with a frown.

"You have been home for 4 hours and are still working .."

Mina sighed and rubbed her temples.

"I just have to make one phone call and then I'm done .." she muttered with her eyes closed.

"You always say that ..." you started, shaking your head. "One last phone call, one last document, one last email ... and then it's 10 p.m."

Mina was startled at your words and took a quick look at the clock on her laptop. You were right, it was 10 p.m.

"I doesn't matter ..." you sighed and turned to go back into the hallway.

"I'm going to bed, good night Wilhemina ..."

"Good night .." she replied quietly and stared after you.

Wilhemina.

That's what you called her only when you were angry.

Mina swore quietly and grabbed her phone before dialing the directory assistance number and letting it ring.

"Uhm..Hello, you're connected to the directory assistance, I'm Alice ..", came a soft female voice, which sounded a bit too happy for Mina's taste.

"I want you to find Lennox Fischer's private email address for me ..", Mina said in a commanding tone.

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before the woman, Alice, continued.

"We have actually been closed since 6 p.m. .."

"Then you shouldn't have answered the call, could you still find this address for me?" Mina sighed and propped her chin on her palm.

"Give me a minute ... I've only been working here for a few weeks ...", Alice laughed nervously and Mina closed her eyes in annoyance.

"That's when I realize I shouldn't have told you my name .." Alice remarked after a few seconds.

"How tragic .." Mina replied ironically and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Do you have the email address?"

"I'm sorry..but what was the name again?"

"Damn it, it's not that difficult. Then why do you have this job if you can't get anything done anyway? I've rarely met someone who is as damn unqualified as you," barked Mina and slapped the table with the flat of her hand.

"You have no idea .." the other woman yelled back.

"Can you all stop being so impatient with me? I'm only human too ... And all because you're too lazy to look for it yourself and now take out your frustration on me ... I'm getting this right now not paid either, so it takes as long as it takes. And if you have a problem with it, fuck off.."

Miss Venable stared in confusion at the phone in her hand.

"Uhm, I'm sorry ..", she stammered overwhelmed.

"It's just that my girlfriend is impatiently waiting for me to finally get to bed .."

On the other end of the phone, Alice snorted.

"Yours too, yes? Get a divorce from her, even if she's just your girlfriend, it makes everything easier..You know- "

"Lennox Fischer ..", Mina interrupted the woman to bring her back to the subject.

"Oh yeah .. m'sorry .." Alice muttered and laughed nervously again. "You have to know that I got divorced from my husband two months ago and it's all a little bit complicated .."

"Aha."

"Well, I now have his email address, can you write it down? Then I'll dictate it to you .." Alice said and Mina sat down straight again to type in the email address down that Alice dictated to her on the phone.

"Good .." Alice said and sounded polite again.

"Then I thank you for your call and hope I could help you .."

Mina let out a small snort and had to grin at the strange woman.

"I have to thank you .." she muttered before hanging up and finally shutting down her laptop.

When she finally opened the door to your bedroom, you were lying with your back to her in bed and she couldn't tell whether you were still awake or already asleep. She undressed quietly and then climbed into bed behind you.

"Honey?" She whispered softly as she leaned over to gently press kisses against your exposed shoulder. "Are you still awake?"

"Nope .." you made with your eyes closed and Mina laughed quietly.

You blinked against the darkness of the room as you turned your head to face her. Your girlfriend was hunched over you naked, looking guiltily at you. After staring at her for a moment, you reached out your hand to reach behind her head and carefully pulled the hair tie out of her hair. Long red hair fell down her face and the ends of her hair tickled your cheeks.

"I'm done with everything now .." she whispered, smiling gently.

"Now is half past ten ..", your hand slid from the back of her head to her cheek to linger there.

"Now is a little bit late.."

"I know and I'm sorry .." she muttered and you could hear the regret in her voice. But a simple "sorry" wasn't enough for you anymore.

You sighed before you sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed.

"Look, I know you have to work a lot, but sometimes it's just too much you know?"

Mina, who had also leaned against the headboard, nodded shortly before you continued.

"It's not about that the whole thing can't be healthy for you. I mean more us ... Although that might be a bit selfish, I know you love your work, but I uhm .. I don't know- you know, you work all the time and even on weekends and I know it's not your fault, but I just can't do this anymore..I'm sorry that I claim your affection so much, but I just need you and you have no time .. "

Carefully you looked over at Mina, who sadly returned your gaze.

"I'm sorry .." she whispered and grabbed your hand to pull you close to her so you could rest your head on her chest.

"I'll do better, I promise .."

"I know I'm no better myself .." you muttered as she began to comb through your hair gently.

"As a professor at this college, I have to work a lot too, but not until 10 p.m."

"I'll do better .." she repeated and you smiled before leaning over to press your lips against her cheek for a moment.

"That's all I want .." you pulled back and lay back on your side of the bed. Your girlfriend was not long in coming and lay behind you before she put an arm around you and pulled you back to her.

"What do you think if we go out after work tomorrow ..?" She whispered in your ear.

You hummed in agreement. "That's a great idea..".

"Yes?"

"Yeah .." you muttered with your eyes closed.

"Good night Mina ..".

"Good night baby .."

---------------

You slammed the car door angrily before turning around to stomp up the steps to your front door. You were angry. Very angry. After you hurried to get off work as quickly as possible, you drove to the restaurant where you had an appointment, only to wait an hour for someone who didn't come and now you drove back home and then to see Mina's car parked in the garage.

"Wilhemina fucking Venable .." you shouted as you opened the front door.

"How dare you humiliate me so much ..".

You ran to her workspace and as you expected she was sitting at her desk in front of her laptop and seemed to be working. Her brown eyes widened when she saw you angrily standing in the doorway.

"I'm so sorry ..", she stammered and got up.

"Oh of course you are .." you hissed with narrowed eyes.

"I called you 4 times while I sat in this stupid restaurant for an hour .. You can't imagine how embarrassing it was, the waiter felt so sorry for me that I didn't have to pay for my tea .. "

Your girlfriend stared helplessly at you.

"Like I said, I'm sorry, Y / N .. i was just so busy and then I forgot .."

"So do you admit you've forgotten? You know, at one point I thought you might be doing this on purpose because you think it's funny."

"I never could, I-", she began, but you raised your hand to silence her.

"The only problem is that you always do that .." you bit your lip.

"You promise me so often that you will spend time with me only to then skip it for your work .. Then just leave it straight away and I don't always have to make myself hopes, only to be disappointed ..".

"Y / N please .. I'm as good as finished .. We can still go somewhere and have dinner ..", she looked at you desperately, but you just shook your head.

"Just forget it, Mina .." you muttered before turning around to leave her workspace . She looked after you sadly before let out a frustrated moan and slumped back into her desk chair.

How could she have forgotten?

Reluctantly, she picked up her phone and dialed the directory assistance number like the night before.

"Hello, you are connected to Directory Assistance .." said the same soft voice as last night.

"Alice ..", Mina remarked and didn't really want to notice.

"Ohh you're the rude woman from last night .." Alice laughed on the other end of the phone.

"The one with the impatient girlfriend .."

"Now more likely the one with the hating girlfriend ..".

"What did you do wrong?", Mina could hear real concern in the woman's voice and that confused her. She didn't even know this woman.

"She's upset because I always move her for work .." she mumbled.

"It's not your fault if you have to work."

"Exactly! ..", Mina shouted loudly and was surprised by her own volume.

At the other end it was quiet and Mina noticed that the whole thing was more than just private right now. She cleared her throat just before continuing.

"Can you find out Leigh Chaplin's phone number for me?"

"Of course..give me a minute .." Alice muttered and Mina heard Alice tapping on the keyboard through the receiver. For a brief moment Mina thought about just hanging up. That call was quite weird and had taken on a very personal direction. But just when she really wanted to hang up, Alice began to dictate the phone number to her and she had to take notes.

--------------------

Mina had decided to make amends for what had happened a few days ago. The only problem was, whenever you had time, she couldn't. And once she was done with everything, you had to work. It was a never-ending cycle that dragged you both further and further down. And the worst part was that you both knew that and still couldn't do anything about it. She loved her work as much as you loved yours and neither of you would ever be willing to sacrifice your work for the other.

And yet Mina had decided to make it up to you and that meant for her to help you with saving time. That's why she was now at the city library to bring back the books for you that you had borrowed a few weeks ago. Actually you had your own little library in your house, because you valued books very much, but at some point all these books were read and you were both not people who read books again.

And as a college professor, you had a habit of researching books rather than the internet anyway.

Here she was now, hobbling her stick through the library building. Which turned out to be quite difficult as she was holding your books in one arm and then had to go through the big building with her stick. If she were to trip and fall, she would have no way of catching herself. Mina knew that this would probably never happen, but still she didn't like the feeling.

But of course it happened as it had to, as always in such situations. It wasn't Mina who fell, but it was one of the books that slipped out of the crook of her arm and landed with a thud on the wooden floor of the library. How much she hated that ... such situations were almost unbearable for her. Simply because it was embarrassing to know that because of her scoliosis she was unable to bend down to pick up the book herself.

She wanted to swear loudly, but she knew that a library might not be the best place for this. She poked her senselesslyn stick around on the book and tried to put it upright somehow, only to grab it. But it was useless. Of course it had to be the thickest of your books that she had dropped. Her stick seemed to be against it like a thin branch.

"Let me help you .." suddenly came a soft voice from behind her and made her flinch. Mina turned around and looked into the friendly face of a petite woman with light brown hair.

"Your book ..", the woman said when Mina didn't answer and pointed to it with an outstretched finger. Again Miss Venable didn't answer and just stared at the woman in front of her. She was 100% sure she had never seen her before, but her voice ... She knew that soft voice, she just didn't know where from.

Without hesitating for another second, the strange woman bent down and picked up the book.

"You are welcome ..", she smiled and put the book back in the crook of Mina.

"Thank you ..", Mina mumbled, still staring at the woman in front of her, confused.

"I'm sorry, but do we know each other?"

"I think I would know that..", the woman laughed and suddenly Mina knew who she was looking at.

"You're Alice .." she uttered. "Alice from directory assistance ..".

Alice's eyes widened.

"Then you must be the one with the impatient, hating girlfriend .."

Mina's pale skin turned red at the other woman's words and she began tapping the floor with her stick in an irregular rhythm, as she always did when she was nervous.

"I may have exaggerated a bit .." she muttered. "She doesn't hate me ..".

"Well, I'm glad .." Alice honestly smiled before she nodded at the books in Mina's arms with her chin. "By the way, you have a very good taste in books .."

Mina's gaze followed that of the woman in front of her and landed on the book that she had dropped.

"Oh..these aren't my books, my girlfriend read them .."

"So she has a very good taste in books ...".

Mina nodded briefly while she was still staring at Alice. The fact that she had actually met this woman was so weird that it couldn't be a coincidence.

"Uhm .. I should bring the books back .." she muttered and Alice nodded quickly.

"I can wait .." said Alice.

"So .. if you want .." she added quickly when she noticed Mina frown.

Mina narrowed her eyes while she could only stare again. Alice exuded such confidence and she was so kind, it was like she couldn't help but agree.

"Okay .." Mina muttered. "Just give me a minute ..".

Alice's eyes began to glow.

"Perfect .." she said, beaming. "I'll wait outside."

Mina nodded shortly before leaving Alice to return the books.

"Where is your car?" Mina asked Alice as she stepped out of the library.

"Oh uhm I came here on foot .." Alice muttered and Mina frowned.

"It's getting dark .." she said curtly and Alice, who obviously didn't know what to do with that remark, nodded shortly.

"I can drive you home."

Mina studied Alice's face for any dislikes, but the woman just smiled again.

"That would be nice..".

Mina nodded again before going to her car with Alice.

"Well ..", Mina began after getting into the car with Alice.

"Where do you live?" She looked at Alice from the side, who was desperately trying to put the strap over her blouse so that it wouldn't crease.

"Uhm..Woodhill Avenue ..", the woman mumbled when she was finally satisfied.

"You can't be serious ..", Mina stared at Alice, not sure whether to laugh or be upset. "We live on the same street .."

"Oh really?" Alice's eyes lit up again.

Mina just hummed in agreement before starting the car.

For a few minutes they drove through the crowded streets and neither said a word. And although something like that was usually uncomfortable, at that moment it was actually quite pleasant, at least that's what Mina thought.

"Actually we know the whole neighborhood, but I've never heard of an Alice, nor have I seen you ...", she said finally as she turned into the long street of Woodhill Avenue.

"Well .. actually I don't live there .. I think I told you that I separated from my husband and since then I've been living with my daughter ..", Alice explained and Mina didn't even need to look at her to see how the woman was uncomfortable with the topic.

"I'm sorry .." she said curtly.

"Oh no .. you know, I'm happy the way it is now, at least I'm happier than I was with Buck a few months ago ..".

Mina didn't know what to answer, so she decided not to say anything again.

"Do you know the people who live in this house?" Alice suddenly asked and pointed to the building that Mina referred to as her home. "Venable and Y / L / N are their names .. My daughter told me that everyone is afraid of them .."

Mina stared at Alice and when she realized that the woman was serious, she started to laugh.

"Is it really that bad that everyone is afraid of us?", Mina said and couldn't help but grin as she watched the eyes of the woman next to her widen.

"Wait..I- you live in the house with your girlfriend?" Alice stammered and Mina nodded.

"I'm so sorry ... God ..this embarrassing .."

Alice buried her face in her hands and stared between her fingers at the house where you lived with Mina.

"Well, it's a nice house ..", she muttered, trying to get out of this situation somehow. Mina just snorted in amusement before continuing down the street with the car.

"Which house does your daughter live in?"

"In the green one over there .." Alice muttered and Mina's eyes landed on a green low-rise building.

"Ohh your daughter is Evangeline ..", Mina remarked as she parked the car in front of the house.

"You know her?" Alice sounded confused.

Mina nodded.

"I've never really spoken to her before, but I know her .."

"Okay .." Alice frowned before reaching for the seat belt to unbuckle her.

"That's when I notice, I don't even know what your name is ..".

"Miss Venable .." Mina said curtly and bit the inside of her cheek.

"uhm..or Wilhemina .."

Alice smiled.

"Well, then thank you, Wilhemina, for taking me home .."

"Good Night, Alice ..", Mina muttered and had to smile again.

"Good Night .." Alice repeated before getting out of the car and disappearing into the green house. And Mina couldn't help but stare after her.

In her mind, for whatever reason, she was back on the day the two of you had met in the flower shop where you had been working at the time. Even then, she had wanted to smile all the time.

When Mina finally stood in front of the house for a few minutes and finally decided to go home, she felt nothing but guilty feelings and she did not know who these feelings were for: Alice, because Mina had let her go or you, because she felt exactly the same  things right now as she did when you and Mina first met.

----------------------

It was Saturday evening and Alice was on her way to the house of the interesting woman she had met in person a few days ago. Somewhere she had a guilty conscience, as it was already 10 p.m. and it was probably impolite to disturb Mina so late, but she really wanted to see Wilhemina again and at the same time she really wanted to get to know you.

She stepped onto the site of your house and hesitantly raised her hand to the bell before finally pressing her finger against the little button.

When two minutes later still nothing had moved, Alice actually wanted to turn around and go home, but then she remembered that Mina probably needed longer due to her stick and that's why she stayed. And actually a few seconds later an angry looking Mina opened the door for her.

When Alice saw Mina's angry look, she was afraid for a moment that she had more than just disturbed, but when Mina recognized her, her look softened.

"Alice .." Mina uttered happily and Alice could see the woman in front of her trying to suppress a smile, which she failed.

"Uhm..I hope I'm not bothering .." Alice gave Mina, who quickly shook her head, a bright smile.

"No .." said the woman, her face serious again. "How can I help you?"

"Uhm well, I've got something for your girlfriend .." Alice muttered as she reached into her pocket to get the book out before she passed it to Mina.

"I saw on Thursday that your friend had checked out the first part .. I thought she might want to read the second part too .. It doesn't exist in the library .."

"Oh that's nice ..", Mina picked up the book.

"But unfortunately she's not at home all weekend because of a seminar .."

Alice frowned

"Are you sure you're the one who transfers his girlfriend because of work?" She asked and watched Mina just shake her head.

"I think you have a completely wrong picture of her ..", Mina muttered and chewed her lower lip.

"Isn't that important either, do you want to come in?"

"Sure .." Alice nodded quickly and started smiling again.

When Mina led Alice into the living room, Alice couldn't help but be impressed. The walls of the great room were lined up with full bookshelves sorted in alphabetical order. A large chandelier hung from the ceiling and was not switched on because a fire was burning in a large marble fireplace. In the middle of the room was a large dark red carpet on which a dark wing chair, a couch made of the same dark fabric and a square wooden table with short table legs stood.

Alice's gaze caught on the wing chair Mina had obviously been sitting in, before Alice rang the bell. A blanket lay untidy on the seat, covered with an open book and on the table was a half-empty glass with red wine. On the edge of the glass Alice could see traces of Mina's dark lipstick.

"Excuse the chaos, please ..", she heard Mina say behind her. Alice let out a low snort.

"Chaos .." she repeated mumbling and turned to Mina. Except for the few things on the wing chair, the house seemed to have been furnished down to the last detail.

"Do you drink wine?" Asked Mina, clutching her stick with both hands.

"Sure." Alice replied curtly.

"Red or white?"

"White, please ..".

"Well, then wait here for a moment ..", Mina said before turning around to leave the room.

Alice looked after the woman briefly before going to the dark sofa to sit on it. She sat there for a moment, but then the pictures on the mantelpiece caught her eye and she got up again to walk to the fireplace to take a closer look at the pictures.

All of the pictures showed Mina and a woman Alice was unfamiliar with, but Alice was smart enough to say that it was you, Mina's girlfriend.

And she noticed that Mina was right when she said Alice had the wrong picture of you. You didn't see at all like someone that could be impatient or strict. All these pictures showed you laughing honestly, with a cocky twinkle in your eyes. And of course Mina, who, as always, tried to suppress her smile. Alice grinned at the thought.

Each picture showed a different moment, presumably dates or vacations and all in one, Alice thought that you and Mina looked cute together, at least in the photos.

"So you've already discovered Y / N's altar .." mumbled Mina, who suddenly appeared next to Alice.

"Oh yes .. It's cute ..", Alice said and took the glass of white wine, which Mina held out to her before she mumbled a little "thank you".

"I think it's rather cheesy, but it was her idea ..", Mina stared critically at the pictures and for a few seconds neither said anything.

"She's pretty .." Alice finally remarked and Mina just nodded.

"She is.."

Alice's gaze wandered carefully from the pictures to Mina, who was staring sadly down at the pictures.

"You know, I think this is what I like the most .." she suddenly mumbled and tapped an actually inconspicuous picture with her finger. It showed you both in your winter coats squinting your eyes against the flash of the selfie camera. It was also pretty blurry.

"I know it's nothing special .." Mina explained. "But the moment behind it was special ... It was New Year's Eve last year and shortly before midnight we climbed onto the roof of the skyscraper in which she lived at the time, to watch the fireworks from there. I remember exactly how she was angry when I forced her to come on the roof with me .. it was pretty cold ..

But I wanted it to be special when I propose to her .. "

Alice's eyes widened.

"Are you engaged?"

Mina shook her head and smiled sadly.

"We were engaged .. but she broke off the engagement three months ago until .. until things were settled .. You already know how complicated everything is at the moment .."

Alice looked worriedly into Mina's sad eyes before slowly nodding.

"I understand .." she said softly.

"You know, I really love her, but it's just so weird .." Mina pinched the bridge of her nose. "I met her a couple of years ago in the flower shop she worked and earned next to nothing and actually had a shitty life, and now she's been working as a professor for a college for a few months and is finally happy with that... and that is great, don't get me wrong, but we hardly have no time for each other, because now she also has to work long hours ... and it's like she pretends that it's all my fault .. "

"I'm sorry .." Alice muttered before stretching out her arms and pulling the woman into a hug. Alice felt that Mina was uncomfortable when she lay tense in her arms, but when she wanted to withdraw, Mina quickly put her arms around Alice and hugged her back. Alice put her head on Mina's shoulder and inhaled the woman's lavender perfume. They stayed that way for a few minutes, until Mina finally cleared her throat and withdrew.

"M'sorry .." she muttered without looking at Alice and Alice could see the tear marks on her face.

"We shouldn't talk about this anymore .."

Alice nodded quickly. "If I got too close to you, I'm sorry .. "

She followed Mina, who sat down on the couch and sat with enough space next to her.

"Now that you've heard my shit, I'd love to hear yours .." Mina said, giving Alice a subtle sideways look. Alice blinked a few times and thought about it for a moment. Actually, she didn't really know the woman and a divorce is not really a pleasant topic for an evening like this, but a few seconds ago Mina had stood in her arms and cried, so what was wrong with it?

"Uhm .. so I've been divorced for 2 months ..", she began and for the next two hours she told Mina the whole story with Phyllis Schlafly, the E.R.A. and that Houston had somehow opened her eyes and she'd been working on directory assistance ever since. She told Mina about her children and that she couldn't believe she was a grandma. And then she told her about Buck and that for a few years she had wondered if what she had with him was really what she wanted the rest of her life to be.

To be honest, Alice wouldn't normally have been so talkative if it wasn't because of the alcohol. She usually didn't drink, so a glass of Mina's expensive white wine was enough to get her drunk.

"You know, I only noticed now how bad that asshole was in bed ..." she laughed out loud and held onto Mina's thigh. "Well in any case our house belongs to him and I have to live with my daughter .."

Mina, who was just as sober as she was a few hours earlier, might have been a little overwhelmed by Alice's drunkenness, but somehow she found it incredibly cute.

"I'm sorry .." she muttered and Alice missed the worried look the woman was giving her.

"Yikes .." Alice suddenly made as she stared intently at the clock on the wall.

"Am I wrong or is it 14 minutes past midnight?"

Mina was shocked at her words and had to find out that it was actually that late.

"I should call your daughter, then she can pick you up ..".

"Oh let Evangeline sleep .." Alice waved her off.

"I can just sleep with you .. you know I like you, you're nice to me and don't treat me like the failure that I am. Even if you were pretty mean to me on the phone ..".

Alice grinned crookedly before leaning forward and dropping her head into Mina's lap. Mina winced and immediately got up to let Alice rudely fall back on the sofa. The drunk woman let out a low wail and looked reproachfully up at Mina.

"We should put you to bed .." she mumbled and pulled Alice into an upright position before she gently grabbed her arm and pulled her up the stairs with her.

"Uhm .. this is the guest room ...", Mina muttered as they stood in the door frame of the room. Alice stared into the beautifully decorated guest room, which was so much better than the sofa she'd slept on for months. But it wasn't what she wanted.

"You know, I can sleep with you..", she remarked and looked carefully at Mina, who seemed frozen.

"Okay .." Mina finally said before stepping out of the doorway and leading Alice into your bedroom.

A large king-size bed stood with its head against the wall and filled most of the room. One side of the bed faced the door. Alice' gaze ran to the bedside cabinet on this side of the bed and could see reading glasses, a pill box and a tube of some kind of cream next to a small lamp. She suspected that Mina slept here. The other nightstand was a lot messier. Unused kleenex were piled on top of each other while a pair of gold earrings lay on the lamp stand. On one corner of the cupboard was an empty glass, but it was definitely used. And then there was a big black hairbrush and either it was Mina's red hair that was caught in it or you had the same hair color as your girlfriend, which Alice found unlikely. On the wall next to this side of the bed was a large painting with some flowers on it. Alice's eyes wandered to a large ground plant that stood in the corner of the room. She noticed that she had seen beautiful flowers all over the house and she remembered Mina saying that you had once worked in a flower shop.

All in all it was a nice bedroom, but Alice only saw the best part when she had stepped completely into the room:

On the wall opposite the foot of the bed was a huge picture window, which allowed a view of the neighborhood and the beautiful night sky. That was the advantage if you didn't live in the city. Alice couldn't help but grin than her eyesremained hanging on the black grand piano, which crowned the bedroom on top of everything else.

"A piano in the bedroom?", She turned to Mina, grinning, who turned red for whatever reason.

"Y / N can play the piano and when I gave this one to her, she wanted it to be here ..", Mina explained and nervously began tapping the floor with her stick to a random rhythm.

"It's pretty cheesy, but you should hear her play ...".

Alice nodded quickly and put on a neutral expression again when she realized that Mina didn't like her grin.

"I imagine it would be nice to wake up in the morning and then hear the piano .." she muttered and looked back at the piano.

"Anyway ..", Mina said and held her stick tighter again.

"We're about the same size, you can have my nightgown if you want ..".

Alice turned back to her and gave the woman a grateful smile.

"That would be nice..".

Mina only nodded shortly before she left the room, only to come back a minute later in a lavender nightgown.

"I'm going to change in the bathroom while you can do this here ..", she explained as Alice took the nightgown and mumbled a little "thank you".

And less than 5 minutes later Alice, who was actually still drunk, was lying in bed next to a completely stranger and, like Mina, stared at the ceiling in silence. And yet she would have preferred nowhere and it was the first evening in weeks that she could fall asleep without any worries.

---------------------

Contrary to Mina's guess, the next morning hadn't been weird at all. Actually nothing special had happened, but Mina had been worried about Alice's drunkenness, but the woman had been kind as always.

And while everything was fine between Alice and her, she worried about what was between her and you. She felt incredibly guilty and could never have told you that a strange woman had slept in your bed. Mina knew that Alice was way too innocent to think anything about it when she and Mina shared the bed, but you didn't know Alice and you would never understand.

Miss Venable couldn't deny that the brunette had turned her head. Alice was so gentle, it was almost impossible to feel uncomfortable in her presence and Mina finally had someone who understood her and who showed her compassion.

And when you came home on Sunday night and she pushed you right against your front door to kiss you passionately, she did that not only to show you how much she had missed you, but also to prove to herself that she still loved you . Because she did, but what she felt when she saw Alice confused her feelings and it scared her.

It was Thursday afternoon and Mina was on her way home. She had tried again and again over the past few days to show you how much she loved you, but for whatever reason, that only made it worse. At least you just seemed to get a little bit more bitter every day, and she couldn't explain why.

Mina let out an aggressive growl when she sounded the horn because the light turned green and the idiot in front of her stopped driving.

She had got out of work late and now had to hurry to get home, even if she didn't really want to go there. You'd only be disappointed again because she was late again.

Nervously, she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she drove home as fast as she could. She was almost in your street when she spotted none other than Alice on the pedestrian path and automatically her bad mood had flown away. Mina stopped next to Alice on the side of the road before pulling down the passenger door window to see Alice's surprised face.

"Jesus Mina .." Alice exclaimed, clutching her chest.

Mina raised an eyebrow and grinned.

"I thought church mice dont swear ..".

"Actually, I don't swear either .." Alice stammered. "But do you have any idea how scary it is when someone pulls up their car next to you?"

"So am I someone then?"

"No .. but .. you know what I mean ..".

Mina nodded curtly before leaning forward to open the passenger door.

"I guess, you want to go home?"

"Oh yes ..", Alice smiled gratefully at Mina before climbing into the car.

"So how are you Mina?" Alice asked after they had driven for a few minutes.

"M'fine ..", Mina mumbled and was well aware that she was lying.

"Good to hear .." Alice said, sounding in as good a mood as ever.

"How did Y / N find the book?"

Fuck.

Mina bit her lip.

"So uhm..I didn't give it to her..Y / N doesnt know you were with me .. "

"Oh ..", uttered the woman next to her and didn't sound that happy anymore.

"I may not be allowed to interfere, but I think you should talk to her .."

"About what?" Mina frowned.

"About how you feel .. Tell Y / N that you feel misunderstood and make it clear to her that it is not your fault ..".

Mina didn't answer and concentrated on driving again.

"You know, communication is the most important thing in a relationship, so talk to her, I think that might help .."

Great, thought Mina and bit the inside of her cheek. Talking about feelings, that was exactly her thing.

She stopped in silence next to Alice's daughter's green house.

"Thanks, Mina ..", Alice mumbled and wanted to open the car door to get out, but Mina stopped her by locking the whole car.

Alice turned to her in confusion before Mina grabbed her by the collar of her blouse, pulled her close and pressed her lips against Alice's.

Alice let out a shocked whimper and Mina immediately withdrew.

For a few seconds both women stared at each other. Alice looked totally overwhelmed and horrified, while Mina slowly realized what she had just done.

Without a word she opened the car doors and not a second later Alice jumped out of the car before running into the house.

A few minutes passed and Mina didn't move an inch. She stared at the street in front of her, trying to understand what had just happened.

All she wanted was to solve the problems between you and her and now she had kissed another woman. Damn it.

She let out a loud scream and hit the steering wheel before leaning forward to lean her forehead against it. A few more minutes passed while she cried against the leather. She hated being so emotional, right now when so many feelings were boiling in her at the same time and she couldn't define all of these things.

After she had calmed down a bit, she took a few deep breaths before starting the car and driving home.

"I'm home, baby .." she called in a thin voice after entering your house.

"Oh, finally ..", she heard you sigh before you appeared in the hallway. Your usual smile faded when you saw her and you frowned.

"What?" Mina asked nervously and chewed her lower lip.

"You have lipstick on your face ..", your voice sounded dark and made Mina nervous.

"Oh .. it must be smeared .." she said and smiled shakily.

"This is not your lipstick .."

Mina's smile froze and she stared at you.

"So you're really having an affair .." you growled and she could see tears glistening in your eyes.

"What the- Y / N..No ..", Mina's voice faltered as she watched you turn around and pointed with your finger to follow you before you led her into your study.

"If you're not having an affair, what is that ..", you opened one of your desk drawers and put a white lace bra on it.

"I found it under our bed and it can't be yours .. you're not wearing white underwear .."

Mina stared at Alice's bra hanging on your finger.

"Okay, how long?", You looked at her piercingly.

"I uhm- We dont-" Mina struggled for words and clung to her cane.

"You just can't be serious .." you yelled. "All I want is your affection and while I give everything to hang out with you, you fuck someone else?"

"I'm not having an affair, Y / N ..", Mina tried to calm you down and held up a hand.

"Oh, then explain to me why I find strange underwear under our bed and why your face is such a mess .. You know, you could have at least tried to hide the whole thing ..".

"Please let me explain ..", Mina chewed her lower lip and briefly considered what to say.

"Well I know you from the directory assistance ..-"

"Ohh, phone sex..",  you interrupted her and raised an eyebrow.

"What the hell, no y / n ..", Mina hissed.

"It turned out that she lives in the neighborhood and then she was here on Saturday and slept here, more not .."

"More not? Are you kidding me?", You spat and ran your hair through. "You let this stranger sleep in my bed and you don't tell me about it? .."

Mina didn't know how to answer it, so she just kept silent.

"Did you have sex?" You asked as you crossed your arms and chewed your lower lip.

"She never could, she-"

"Okay, I'll ask differently ..", you pinched the bridge of your nose.

"Did you want to have sex with her?"

Mina stared at you with wide eyes. In her mind she traveled back to Saturday night when she had been lying in bed next to Alice and staring at the ceiling. She remembered it well, how disgustedt she was of herself, but all she wanted to do at the moment was bend over the innocent woman to do the dirtiest things to her. Things Alice didn't even dare to dream of. All she wanted was to hear the desperate whimpering of the women and how she shouted her name.

But Mina could never have done that, partly because her loyalty was yours and partly because Alice was far too innocent for something like that.

"Wow .." you mumbled when she didn't answer.

"And then that bitch kissed you today ...?"

"Don't call her that ..", Mina defended Alice. "And besides, I kissed her ..".

"Oh..That's even better ..." you screamed as tears ran from your eyes.

"Congratulations Wilhemina, something like that is called an affair ..".

Angrily you threw the bra at Mina before you ran past her back into the hallway. Mina followed you and watched sadly as you packed your handbag with simple things.

"I'm going to see my mother .." you explained without looking at her while you put on your jacket. "I have to think about a few things ... I have no idea how long I'll be gone ... I also have no idea if I'll ever come back ...".

That was the last thing you said before you ran out of your house and left her with all the guilt.

-----------------------

You spent three weeks with your mother. Three long weeks of thinking about everything that had happened. You loved Mina so much, and the fact that there was probably someone else almost killed you. And actually you hadn't meant to come back to her, no matter that all your things were still in her house, but you were too scared that you would then have to see how she got over you and went on with her life.

After all, it was your mother who persuaded you to go to Mina to talk to her.

And now you stood in front of the door of your house and at least from the outside it looked exactly as you had left it. You bravely raised your hand to the door to knock gently on it.

And when Mina opened the door a minute later, you couldn't help but stare at her. You thought you looked like shit, but Mina topped it all. The actually proud woman was just a pile of misery when she opened the door for you that day. The red hair curled untidily over the fabric of her pajamas as she trembled on her stick. She was obviously in pain and probably hadn't taken her pills, something you usually reminded her of. You looked carefully into her face, which seemed even paler than usual, and noticed how she squinted her eyes against the sunlight, she didn't seem to have left the house for a long time.

For a moment you both stared at each other and you felt guilt creep up inside you.

"Can I come in?" You finally asked and looked carefully into her cloudy eyes that were staring down at you. Mina nodded slowly.

"It's your home ..." she muttered before stepping out of the doorway and hobbling into the living room. Without hesitation you ran after her after the door had closed behind you. You sat down next to Mina, who was staring into the empty fireplace, on the couch and also stared at the fireplace, but your attention was focused on the photos on the mantelpiece.

"You didn't take your pills .." you mumbled and she just hummed in agreement.

"..uhm, how are you?" you tried again before carefully looking at her from the side.

"M'great .." she muttered.

"Okay.."

"And how are you?" She asked while she was still staring into the fireplace.

"I'm great too."

Mina snorted.

"So we're both liars."

You ignored her comment and got to the real reason you came.

"Okay Mina, uhm i dont know- So about this woman .. I don't know what you had or just didn't have with her ..-"

"I had nothing with her ..", she interrupted you with a growl.

"You understand that I can understand that pretty badly?", You bit your lower lip and watched as Mina shook her head.

"I think you should get to know her .." she muttered and you frowned.

"So are you still in contact with her?"

Mina shrugged her shoulders.

"You should get to know her," she repeated.

"Okay .." you raised both hands in surrender. "Tell me when and where and I'll be there ..".

"Are you coming home then?" She whispered as she finally turned away from the fireplace and her injured eyes met yours.

"I .. I don't know ..", you stammered. "Please let me get to know this woman first .."

Mina nodded just before she got up and left the living room.

"What are you doing?" You called after her, confused.

"I'll call her .. "she muttered.

Your eyes widened.

"She's not coming here now, is she?"

"No ..", Mina called from the hallway. You didn't answer and after a few seconds you heard her talking softly to someone before she came back into the living room and stood in the doorway.

"You will meet her tomorrow in the café next to the library ..", she explained.

"Tomorrow I have to work late .."

"I know .." she said. "That's why you don't meet until 6 pm .."

"Okay .." you nodded briefly and stared at her for a few seconds.

"Uhm, I actually wanted to take some clothes with me .. For three weeks I've had to wear the shit my mother still had from me .."

"It's your home..", Mina replied shortly as she again clutched her stick with both hands.

You jumped up from the sofa to run past her up the stairs. In your dressing room you quickly packed a few clothes in an old sports bag before you turned around and actually wanted to go again, but then the white bra of this woman caught your eye, which was lost in the window sill. You knew stuffing that stupid thing in your gym bag might not be a good idea, but you would do anything to break the owner of this bra, for something to do with your girlfriend.

You ran back down the stairs where Mina was waiting for you in the hallway.

"I should go now .." you muttered as she stared at you expectantly. She nodded sadly.

"Uhm..Can I hug you?" She asked quietly and looked at you carefully.

"uh..of course ..", you nodded slowly before suddenly finding yourself in her arms again. She hugged you so tight that you were afraid you would suffocate. Her red hair tickled your face and for the first time in three weeks you could inhale her lavender perfume while she clung to you like her life depended on it.

"I am so sorry ..", she whispered and you swallowed when you felt guilty again.

"I should go now .." you repeated and withdrew from her arms.

She just nodded before you stumbled to the front door.

"Uhm..Y / N ..", she called after you when you were already out the door. You turned back to her and looked at her questioningly.

"Yes?"

"Alice didn't do anything wrong, so please don't kill her tomorrow ..".

You nodded just before turning to go to your car.

Alice.

--------------

"Damn .." you cursed as you nervously stared at your watch.

18:23

You parked your car in the library parking lot and walked briskly to the café.

Your gaze wandered through the almost empty room. Two men were sitting at a table and playing chess, an old woman was sitting in a corner and drinking coffee, and then your gaze was fixed on the graceful figure of a woman who was sitting with her back turned to you. It has to be her, you thought as you stared at her hazel hair curled up on a pastel colored blouse.

You got a little nervous when you approached her from behind.

"Uhm..Alice ..?" You asked and the woman winced slightly before turning to you and staring into her friendly eyes.

"You must be Y / N .." she said with a bright smile and got up.

"Uhm..ja .." you mumbled with a frown before you sat down across from her.

"I'm sorry ..I'm late .."

"Oh its okay .." Alice waved her hand before she sat down again. "Mina told me about your work .."

"Did she?", You looked at her confused and she just hummed in agreement.

You used the next few seconds to take in the woman in front of you and understood what Mina had meant. Alice looked so harmless and didn't fall into the category of the horny neighbor slut at all.

You cleared your throat and pointed with your index finger at the cup in front of you.

"What's this?"

"Tea," Alice said curtly. "She told me that you drink tea .."

The furrow on your forehead only got a little deeper as you pulled your eyebrows together a little further.

"She seems to have told you a lot about me .."

"I also know that you play the piano .." Alice replied, sounding kind of proud.

"She had to explain the piano in our bedroom .." you growled darkly as you remembered that this woman had slept in your bed.

"Y / N, she loves you .." she said and looked at you piercingly.

"I'm not sure about this.."

"Okay .." Alice sighed before starting to tell you the whole story from her point of view. How Mina had called her directory assistance late at night, how they met by chance in the library and how she ended up at your home on Saturday evening.

You listened to her attentively without interrupting her and with everyoneSentence made you feel a little worse because everything she said made sense.

"You must know, I never kissed a woman before and- you know ..." Alice muttered, staring at the table.

"And I thought it was a sin all my life and when Mina kissed me I wasn't really happy at first. You know, I was with her on a Tuesday two weeks ago to talk to her about it and she was really sad..- "

"Did she tell you she loves you?" You interrupt her.

"She-" Alice's voice faltered. "She apologized and said she was confused .."

You stared at her in silence.

"I don't want to offend you, Y / N, but Mina feels totally misunderstood by you .. She tries to do everything right and you reject her .. As if it was her fault that she has to work so hard .. And even if she doesn't seem like anyone that gets involved with something like that, she feels totally terrible about it all .. You didn't see how she cried when I was with her that Tuesday .. "

You looked at Alice sadly when you understood what she meant.

"Damn I'm such an idiot .." you muttered, rubbing your hair.

"There's something else, Y / N .." Alice sat up straight before continuing.

"When I was with her on Tuesday, I kissed her again ..".

Her words made you freeze.

"You did what?"

"You already understand me .." Alice said, looking at each other nervously.

"Did she kiss you or did you kiss her?"

"I kissed her."

"Okay .." you frowned.

"She loves you .." Alice repeated, putting her hand on yours.

Tears stung your eyes.

"But she loves you too ..", you croaked as you felt warm tears running down your face. Alice reached out her hand to wipe the tears from your face.

"Maybe .." she said softly. "But you mustn't be mad at her for that, it's not her fault .. Mina and I don't have an affair or anything, she loves you too much for that .."

"And do you love her?"

Alice thought for a few seconds before answering.

"I don't know to be honest .. This is all new to me, if you get what I mean .."

You nodded slowly and thought for a moment about everything she had just told you.

"I uhm .. thanks for trying to explain everything to me .." you finally said.

The woman in front of you smiled gently before taking her hand back.

"I hope you don't hate me now or anything.."

"Oh no!" You shouted loudly. "You are really kind .."

"Thank you," Alice muttered, her eyes shining a little more.

You stared at her for another moment and you could totally understand that Mina found this little sunshine attractive.

"Uhm by the way .." you started and reached into your handbag.

"I uhm .. I brought your bra .."

You put the bra on the table and pushed it over to the woman.

"Thank you .." Alice mumbled embarrassed and blushed, which made you grin.

She was really cute.

And that was your first "date" with Alice. Although one would call this educational talk less than a date. That same evening you drove back home and by home you meant Mina and not your mother's house.

The following months were more than overwhelming for you, Mina and Alice. Mina and you both applied for less working time at your work, which you also received and you had more time for each other.

That wasn't what overwhelmed you so much, the problem was, that it was pretty difficult for all 3 of you to come to terms with how you felt about each other.

After all, Mina got along best with it because she was the one of you who had been confronted with it the longest.

For her sake you accepted her love for Alice and began to meet the brunette more often and at some point you had to find out that you too were hopelessly in love with Alice.

Alice struggled with it though. The mere fact that she was in love with one woman scared her and then there were two. It was pretty hard for her to put aside all of her lesbian advantages and what her church said about you. Fortunately, Alice's children had different opinions and were glad that their mother was happy again after the divorce.

You and Mina were a little afraid of Alice's extended family, but they had all been nice to you and there was almost nothing better for you than to take care of Alice's grandchildren.

It took a while, but finally Alice also managed to get rid of her inhibitions and give herself completely to you.

And sometimes when you wake up between the two of them, when Mina had her arms wrapped around you from behind and when Alice was cuddled with her head to your chest and you were wondering how all this was even possible, you were probably the happiest person on earth at the same time.

And all you needed for that was the little sunshine in your arms while the red hair of your beautiful protector tickled your face.

[julie-thefatones]

Ghost of You || Luke x Reader || Part 2

Hello Everyone! Welcome to part 2 of my First FanFic...... If you would like to Read Part 1 click here 💜 But thank you so much to everyone who liked and read the first part... I hope you all like the second part just as much! Okaaaaayyyyyy im gonna go work on Part 3! thank you guys bye :) (Updated- Part three now posted here)

A/N: Your best friends with Julie, since the stamp was removed from the boys they are able to be seen by lifers at choice and can touch lifers at choice, but are still ghosts. You and Luke grow closer and closer starting to go from friends to more than that and everyone starts to notice, it just takes a little longer for you two to figure it out.

WordCount: 3,316

As you and Luke made your way back to the High School you guys didn't say a word, both of you not really understanding what just happened back at your spot by the lake, You were so confused, because Luke is just a friend, and he's your best friends band mate.... which made it even more complicated with the feelings you were currently feeling.... whatever happened back there felt more than just friendship, You shake your head to get that thought out of it, *no* you thought to your self *Luke is just a friend* you could only imagine what was going on in Lukes mind right now, what was he thinking, you thought, looking down at yours and Lukes hands entwined with one another's..... he probably doesn't think anything, you looked up at his face and then turned away the second you saw him start to look at you back. *What is he thinking about!* you thought to your self, you cant help but feel frustrated, Luke must have felt your frustration because you felt his hand tighten around yours "Hey, Y/N.... are you okay?" Luke asked you with real concern in his voice, You look back at him, widening your eyes "Me? oh yeah! just thinking about what I missed in algebra today... Mr. Berty is gonna be Pissed" You said with a nervous chuckle, Luke chuckled along with you " Well, just tell him an emergency came up!! like ya girly thing came" Luke said smiling at you, and you laughed "My girly thing? You mean my period?" You said nudging his shoulder with yours, teasing him, he scrunched his whole face "ahaha yeah! I just always feel so weird saying it" he said still scrunching his face, and you both laugh while simultaneously inching a little closer together as you walked.

As you approached the school, you looked at Luke and saw his eyes get bigger with excitement, confused you looked in the direction he was looking at, you looked all around, still confused and then looked back at Luke "Luke? why are you so excited right now?" you asked him with a slight chuckle, you just couldn't help but laugh with how cute his face was, how excited he was, he then looked at you "Y/N, do you see what I see?" he said with so much excitement, motioning towards the direction of the school, and you look over still not seeing anything, and looking back at Luke "No, I really don't" you responded, he then rolled his eyes, and nudged your shoulder "The gym door is open" he said excited, and the motioning over to the field where there were a bunch of student playing soccer "They are all at practice, which means!..." Luke continued, his eyes widening and motioning them back and forth from you to the door, you, still slightly confused to why he was so excited "What? we should sign up for soccer, because im not very good at it.... you might be good at it!! are you good at it?" You replied, now wondering if he was good at soccer, causing a confused look on your face, Luke rolled his eyes again "Yes I am good at it, but thats not the point! the point is!! EMPTY GYM!!!" he said so excited, he hopped forward dragging you along with him running towards the door "Luke! why is an empty gym so exciting?" you asked while running, as you approached door you out of breath and him being totally fine since he's dead, He continued to smile, and dragged you through the doors "Because Y/N! its an empty gym!" He laughed causing a slight echo "You can do all kinds of stuff... like this!" he said looking at you with a flirtatious glance and then did the most effortless body roll you ever seen anyone do ever! you majorly impressed by Luke and his skills, also notice your heart beating a million miles a minute... but you just let it slide.... it didnt mean anything, you just got done running across a field which is longer than you have ran since you had to do the pacer test in middle school. You looked at Luke and smiled and then clapped your hands slowly together "Wow I was almost impressed Patterson!" you said with sarcasm in you voice, just to tease him a little because you were very impressed, did his arms look more muscular than before? you thought to your self looking at his arms through his sleeveless Rush tee, Luke laughed cutting you off mid thought "Almost impressed? C'mon! you were so impressed by the way your mouth was hanging wide open Y/L/N" He said moving closer to you, until before you knew it he had you in his arms swinging you around, both of you laughing "Luke!!!! put me down you dork!" you laughed, he didnt listen instead he swung you over his shoulder "Not until you admit you were impressed!" he said in a teasing tone, and you knew he wouldn't let you down until you admitted it, but you also were not one to give in so easily "Never!!!" You screamed causing Luke to laugh creating the biggest smile on his face "Alright then! I guess we are going to be here for a while Y/N" Luke said confidently causing you to smile because you didnt mind the thought actually, but he doesn't have to know that "I guess we are Patterson" you replied in the most confident voice you could manage trying not to laugh, just hanging upside from his shoulder.

15 minutes or so had passed and you were still hanging from Luke shoulder in the Gym, except now you two were hiding in the corner because the gym class came back in. You looking at your phone, and whispering to Luke "Hey! there's a 5:00 showing of that movie, you still wanna go" you could feel his little bounce of excitement "Yes!" he whispered back "you even need to ask! is it just gonna be me and you or did you wanna invite the whole gang" he whispered, you sat there thinking for a minute, you would love to just have it be you and Luke but you also don't want to cause any rifts with Julie, she is your best friend after all and she has been wanting to see this movie for a while, its all she talked about for a week straight "we better invite everyone, we don't want them to think we don't care about them" you whispered, you could feel the sudden shift in Lukes mood, *was he disappointed?* you wondered to yourself "Yeah your right... ill tell the boys" he whispered, you could feel him playing with your shoe laces on your shoes, just twiddling them around in his fingers "Hey Y/N, we should sit next to each other though, ya know just because then we can make fun of it, in case it turns out bad" he whispered with a nervous type of laughter, causing you to smile, you whispered a chuckle, slapping his butt in a rhythm to your words "Of course you dork! duh" you whispered, you felt him bounce in excitement again, then rubbing your calf "Y/N, has the blood started rushing to your head yet?" he whispered to you with a teasing tone causing you to roll your eyes, the blood rushed to your head a while ago but you weren't gonna let that cause you to loose, so you slapped his butt once more "No! you might as well give up Patterson" you whispered with same kind of teasing tone, Luke now slapping your butt in a playful response "Never!" he whispered.

You and Luke had spent around 30 minutes just hiding in the gym with you slung over his shoulder, until Luke finally put you down in defeat. Now you were walking to Julies house with her now that school was over "Where were you most the day today Y/N?" Julie asked you truly confused, *oh crap* you thought to yourself, how are you going to explain your self... you don't want to admit you were hanging out with Luke all day but you also don't want to lie to your best friend, shifting your eyes from your nervous twiddling hands to your best friends confused face "Well, ya know here and there" you replied hoping that would be it and you both would move onto a different subject, Julie laughed "Okay! what are you hiding from me girl! you know you cant keep a secret from me ... now spill" she said but now with excitement and intrigue as to where you were.... *oh just tell her!* you thought to your self "Alright!!! I was hanging out with Luke" You laughed, now super nervous to your best friends response to you getting so close to her band mate, it also felt really nice to get that off your chest "Really?" Julie laughed "What did you guys do all day?" She asked, still laughing, your eyes widening with relief that she wasn't freaking out "Oh, we hung out in the gym, I was trying to win a bet, which I did!" you laughed, with a confident voice feeling proud of your self for the victory, Julie laughed with you "Oh! at 5:00 we are all gonna go see that movie you have been dying to see! you wanna come?" you asked Julie with excitement, Julie laughed "Duh!!!! im there" she said punching your arm playfully.

You and Julie got to the movies a little earlier then the rest of the gang to get the tickets and get in line for snacks, soon Flynn came in and joined you guys in line "Hey girls!!" She said with her usual Flynn excitement and flare "Hey Flynn!" Julie said with a smile and a fist bump, you smiled too "hey girl!" you said giving her a small hug "Where are the guys?" Flynn asked looking around noticing you and Julie were standing in line alone "Oh they should be here any minute" Julie said casually, her being used to them showing up late to places...

As you guys guys waited You just fiddled with a stuffed animal that was for sale sitting on one of the shelves that they have by the line area, enticing people to shop while they wait.. it was just a small stuffed animal, a panda in fact, holding a little heart that said the words I adore you you kind of smiled at it, due to how cute it was, just spacing off playing with its ears while Julie and Flynn went on about something that Nick did in Biology class due to Julies huge crush on him. You felt a brush of air sweep behind you and then "What you doing!" whispered in your ear from behind scaring the crap out of you causing you to drop the Panda, turning and punching the the thing that scared you right in the arm, wasn't long until you noticed it was Luke, who was now holding his arm "Ouch! thats the kind of welcome I get Y/N!" he said teasingly, still holding his arm "You know this is the second time you have punched me today, im starting to think you don't like me or something.... that hurts" he said now smirking with the same teasing tone, you guys locked eyes, you were trying to find the right words to say but were struggling, getting lost in his green eyes, but then found your way back as he looked down at the ground at your now dropped panda "Is this your little guy" Luke says picking the panda off the ground and messing with the ears the same way you were "Its cute!" he said smiling and now motioning it toward you moving its limbs like it was alive, you smiled and pushed the panda down in a playful way in order to see Lukes face "No, its not my panda! he is cute though" you laughed, Luke smiled at you and then looked down at the panda in his hands "So you do think he is cute? well at least I know your type now! a little odd but alright" he said still teasing you, causing you to roll your eyes "Do you want me to punch you again" you said now teasing him "Hey Y/N! Luke! can you guys stop flirting for 5 seconds so we can order our food and go, the movie is gonna start in like 10 minutes" Alex yelled over to us from the front of the snack bar with Julie and Flynn. You turn to Luke and see his face turn a certain shade of red "Dude, we are not flirting! excuse me for being social" Luke laughed while skipping forward, but grabbing your hand to come along with him, Alex rolled his eyes "Yeah, okay! whatever you say pal" Alex said sarcastically patting Luke on his shoulder, You looked around "Where is Reggie?" You asked confused to where he was, Alex nodded his head in the direction of the arcade where Reggie had his head resting on the glass of a claw machine in defeat, using his pointer finger to caress the glass next to the toy he wanted, you and Luke shared a look and laughed in reaction to him "Hey Reg! buddy! its okay, we can try again after the movie!" Luke yelled to Reggie causing Reggie to sigh and look at the toy "Ill be back for you little buddy" Reggie whispered to the toy, causing us all to burst into laughter, in that moment you noticed, just like earlier today... Luke never let go of your hand after dragging you with him, right now you both were holding hands.... your eyes widened.... *me and Luke are holding hands* you thought to your self *Doesnt mean anything! nope* you said to yourself looking down at your hands intertwined with one another, Luke must have felt your wandering eyes because in that moment he squeezed your hand tighter.

As you sat in the movie next to Luke as planned before in the gym you kept looking down at your hand which was still holding Lukes like it was so natural to him, the way your fingers were interlocked with his and how his thumb just subtly massaged the outer part of your thumb.... it felt nice... you glanced up at Lukes face as he was watching the movie, you never noticed how beautiful his smile was, like this dude had a seriously amazingly beautiful smile, you just sat there looking at him laugh at the movie.... he must had felt your stare because in that moment he looked over at you, still not dropping his smile, in fact it grew bigger than before but with a softer touch, he leaned in next your ear "What? is there something on my face?" he whispered, while taking his free hand wiping his mouth, you just chuckled "oh yeah!! there is, its a mess oh my gosh" you whispered back in a teasing tone, putting your hand on his cheek as if to wipe something, and then you looked him straight in the eyes with a smirk "Oh no, that was just your face, my bad" you whispered with the same teasing tone, as Lukes smile turned into a gasp, that was some how still a smile "Ouch, that hurt Y/L/N it really did" he whispered with a slight chuckle, you laughed in a whisper "Uh huh sure it did" you whispered while softly tapping his face, like a small slap before removing your hand from his face, in that moment he squeezed your had tighter again, but this time as if he was happy he still had your other hand..... *That doesn't mean anything, its all in good fun!* you thought to your self..... you looked over to your left at your best friend who was watching the movie, you don't know why but you felt slightly relieved she didnt really notice the interaction you and Luke just shared, until she leaned over to your ear with a handful of popcorn "What was that?" she whispered with a slight laugh, you looked at her with a shy smile, "What was what?" you whispered back, trying to avoid the topic, because you and Luke were just friends and you knew she was gonna ask If it was something more "Is there something going on between you and Luke?" she whispered, but this time in serious tone due to actual sincere curiosity "What do you mean by something going on? I mean we hang out alot" you whispered back, telling the whole truth, thats all it was after all, Julie looks at you and tilts her head with wide eyes as if she were saying really and then motioned her eyes over to yours and Lukes hands that were still tangled together, in which you looked at too and looked back in a swift movement "Oh, thats nothing, we just do that! I don't know why... we just do" you whispered, in a slightly rushed nervous tone, because you really didnt know how to explain that..... you didnt even know your self, Julie raised her eyebrows "uh huh....whatever you say girl" she whispered back, you just chuckle in response not really knowing what to say, in that same moment you see Reggie and Alex passing a note down the line of seats until it reached you and on the top it read To: Y/N and Luke... Julie scrunched her eyebrows together confused, you shrug your shoulders and lean over to Luke "Hey we got a note from Reggie and Alex?" you whispered in confusion, in which Luke looks down at the note and then over to Reggie and Alex who have their eyes plastered to the screen as if they were actually paying attention to the movie, casually eating there popcorn... Luke then looks back at the note and the up at you "What do you think they want?" Luke whispered with a slight laugh, "I don't know" you whispered with a laugh, you and Luke share a look, both quickly shrugging your shoulders and opening the note both using the only free hands you have, when you get the note open Luke reads aloud still in a whisper "So when are you two gonna get a room? because ya know there are people here, Love Alex and Reggie" Luke face then went from a smile into his grumpy Luke face, which he rarely ever makes, you both just look over at Alex and Reggie again who are now looking at you both and laughing

silently to each other which causes you to chuckle as well, Luke looks at you surprised your laughing, but then softens his face at how funny you think it is, Luke starts chuckling too and then sits back in his seat continuing to watch the movie *what were Julie, Alex, and Reggie talking about though? there's absolutely nothing going on between me and Luke.... ugh at least Flynn hasn't said anything* you thought to yourself, you sit back in your seat too, now drowning in your thoughts of confusion....... *Oh boy* you thought to yourself, you then glanced at Luke who felt your look and turned to you "I know im hot Y/N, but you did pay to see the movie... you should probably Watch it instead of me" Luke Whispered to you in a teasing tone and a smirk "Oh! I also have something for you" he whispered in such a cute soft tone, it made your stomach feel weird, *what the heck was that* you thought to yourself putting your free hand on your stomach and then you knew what it was *Butterflies*

[juviaafullbuster]

Can you do 12 for the story list? We never see Juvia ever express how she feels when she's sad. Maybe Gray talks to her about it. Also I really like your blog!

Heyy Anon! Thank you, I'm really glad you do! Also thank you so much for the request. I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but I hope you like it 💙

Angst - Prompt 12:

"Holding everything in doesn't help, you know."

When Gray first voiced his concern, his friends gave him a questioning look. To them Juvia wasn't any different than usual. She still had her sweet smile on, she still greeted everyone warmly, still clinged to Gray every time she saw him. Same old Juvia.

But Gray knew better. They did live together for six months after all. And he had learned quite some things about her during that time. One being that Juvia tends to keep a lot to herself. It might surprise people because she seems so open with her emotions, especially the ones regarding him, but she tends to keep a lot to herself. Crazy woman, always worrying about being a burden.

Gray stole a glance at her. She was seated with Cana and Lisanna, listening closely to whatever the two were saying. She wasn't engaging in the conversation, just listening and nodding along sometimes. She was smiling. To anyone else it would seem that she was content. But not to Gray.

No, he could see the way her shoulders were tense. How she kept stealing glances towards the clock. How her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. There was a distant look hidden behind her facade. Something was definitely off. And whatever it was, Gray was determined to find out. Because it is Juvia, his Juvia. The one who always looks out for him and makes sure he's alright. And he'll be damned if he doesn't do the same.

***

Later that evening Gray made his way over to Fairy Hills. He knew boys weren't allowed and Erza would surely kill him if she spotted him there but he would have to deal with that when it came to it. For now, his focus was on the water mage that had left the guild hall without telling him goodbye earlier. Yeah, something was definetly wrong. And he was about to find out what it was.

Gray glanced up to the window Juvia had pointed to once. She had told him that it was hers in case he wanted to sneak in. Back then he had just told her she was being crazy. And now look at him, he was doing exactly that. Who is the crazy one now?

Shaking the thought away, Gray focused back on his task. He used his ice magic to form a ladder and climbed up in hope that Juvia left the window open. When he arrived upstairs he had to learn that she didnt. He knocked on the window a few times, hoping to gain her attention. After his fourth knock, Juvia finally came out of the other room, a questioning look on her face. When she spotted him however she froze before breaking out in a huge smile. At least he had accomplished one thing. She came over and opened the window gesturing for him to come in.

"Graysama, what are you doing here? Not that Juvia minds but it is very unlike you to climb into a womans room during the late evening.." He could tell her fantasy was already running wild and he let her imagination run for a little before shaking her out of her trance.

"Alright, spill it."

"Spill what?"

"What's wrong?"

"Juvia is afraid she doesn't know what you mean."

"I mean, what's wrong with you?"

Juvia looked taken aback for a moment before tears started forming in her eyes. "Nothing is wrong with Juvia.. Why would you ask that? Do you think there is something wrong?"

Shit. That was not what he meant. How could he be so bad with words?

"No, Juvia. I didn't.. I didn't mean it like that. Don't take it the wrong way, nothing's wrong with you. I just had a feeling something's off, you've been acting different.. you didn't spend much time around me today."

"Does Graysama feel neglected?"

"WHAT!? What are you talking about. That's not it at all."

"Oh.. Then what is it?"

"Juvia, I like to think that I know you very well by now. And something's definitely going on with you. First I thought I was just being crazy, everyone else said you were being your usual self. But I've been watching you closely and I can tell that you're not like usual. Something must be bothering you."

"Graysama was watching Juvia?" She was looking at him with big eyes, a slight flush on her cheeks.

"No! I mean yes, but- it's not like you think.."

"Juvia understands. You watched her because you were worried about her."

"Exactly."

"Graysama is so sweet, worrying about Juvia." She pretty much had hearts in her eyes at this point and Gray found himself blushing. He turned around, awkwardly scratching his neck. This conversation wasn't going anywhere..  and then he realized.

This conversation wasn't going anywhere for a reason. She was trying to avoid the issue by getting him flustered and drifting off topic. And he almost fell for it.

"Alright, sit down."

"So bossy.."

"I'm serious Juvia. We need to talk. Stop trying to distract me and be honest. What is it, what's going on?"

He stared at her waiting for a response. Juvia tried to hold his stare but he was determined. It took only a few seconds for her to give up and look away, staring anywhere but at him.

Her shoulders dropped in defeat and the mask she had on fell. When she looked at him again, she was frowning, a sad and distant look in her eyes. Seeing her like that, it broke her heart.

"Juvia.. what's wrong?" Gray sat down next to her. It was an unusual sight, seeing Juvia like that.

"It's nothing.. Really, it's sweet of you to worry but Juvia is fine."

"Seriously? Juvia you're obviously not fine so don't pretend to be. I'm not leaving until I know what's wrong. So you either talk now or I'll be spending the night."

"Graysama wants to spend the night with Juvia?" She smirked, looking at him with a gleam in her eyes. Gray felt his cheeks warning up and he looked away.

"Nice try. But don't try to drift off topic."

"Really, Graysama, Juvia is fine. She's just a little tired that's all."

"Listen, I understand. I know what it's like to not want to burden others with your issues. Trying to keep everything to yourself, acting like you're fine when you're not. When my parents died, when I lost Ur. When I found out the truth about what happened to Ultear, when I lost my dad again. I've been there. I shut myself off, tried to carry it all myself. And do you know where it got me? I turned cold, distant. It damaged my friendships. I was a mess Juvia.."

She was listening closely. Gray watched a tear roll down her check. He wiped it away before giving her a small smile.

"I dont have to tell you all that, do I? Because you were there when I finally broke down. While we were living together. When I couldn't hold back anymore, when the nightmares became too much. You were the one who held me and told me that it will be okay eventually. The one who listened to me. Do you remember what you told me that day?"

Juvia looked down, confirming that she indeed still remembered. But he was going to remind her of her words anyway. He put his hands on her cheeks, tilting her head up and making her look at him.

"Holding everything in doesn't help, you know."

It was what it took for Juvia to finally let go. She broke down, crying her heart out while clinging to him desperately. Gray held her close, stroking her back in an attempt to comfort her. Slowly her sobs became quieter until they died down completely. She still clung to him and didn't make any indication of letting go anytime soon. Gray just continued holding her, wishing to shield her from all the pain in the world.

"Juvia is sorry.."

Gray stopped her before she could continue. "Don't be. It's okay to not be okay. Stupid trying to hold everything in. I'm here for you Juvia, whenever you need me. Don't carry everything by yourself. Okay?"

She looked up to him before nodding her head in agreement. He smiled at her softly and she laid her head back on his shoulder. He saw that there were still some tears rolling down her cheeks but at least she seemed calmer, a little more relaxed. Gray held her closer, an attempt to tell her that he's here for her. He always was better with actions than words.

"Thank you Graysama."

"Don't thank me. I didn't do anything.."

"You did a lot."

They sat in silence, enjoying each others presence and comfort. Gray wouldn't admit it loudly, but he needed this just as much as Juvia.

"Hey, Juvi."

"Hm?"

"Want to tell me what happened?"

There was a moment of silence before Juvia moved away from him, freeing herself from his hold, in order to look at him. Gray had to admit that he missed her warmth immediately.

"Juvia will tell you, but.."

"But?"

"But only if you stay with her after too.. everytime I think about what happened nightmares follow so Juvia can't sleep."

"That explains why you appeared so tired. How long has this been going on?"

"Two weeks. Since the last mission I took."

"Juvia, what happened on that mission?"

"You're staying with me?"

"Of course. I'm not planning to leave your side anytime soon."

"So Graysama is spending the night with Juvia?"

"You want Erza to behead me?"

"Juvia would never let anyone hurt you. When it comes to protecting you not even Erza can stand in my way."

"Well, in that case.. I guess there's no reason for me not to stay."

Gray laid down on her bed and pulled her down with him. She rested her head on his chest, while he wrapped his arms around her protectively, pulling her closer to him. He heard her sigh, prompting him to tighten his arms around her. They both stayed silent for a moment, enjoying each others presence and the peace before Juvia took a deep breath and started telling Gray about the mission that she had finished two weeks ago. He listened closely while rubbing her back comfortingly. It wasn't long until the tears were rolling down her cheeks again. Turns out her mission wasn't as successful as Master had first told them. Yes, Juvia did finish the job, but there were some complications she hadn't told anyone about until now.

Juvias job wasn't a hard one, she was just supposed to hold a water show at a little girls birthday party. The girls father however was late. He should have been there an hour ago and they were still waiting. They decided to start without him, despite the girls protest. Turns out her father was her only family. Just a little later however random people came to the house, talking about an accident. By the time the news registered, Juvia was already holding on to the little girl, a desperate attempt to shield her from the world, the pain.

"Gray, she was shaking so bad and then she broke down because she realized what happened. And all that on her birthday. And I was there. I was there Gray. I could have went to look for him after he was late. I could have found him. And maybe it wouldn't have been too late the. If I had-" Juvia didn't manage to finish her sentence. Instead she clinged to him desperately, sobbing into his chest.

"She has noone now. Just another kid, left to the system. Juvia was there. Juvia knows what it's like. If only I would have-"

"Juvia, don't."

"But-"

"No, Juvia. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. None of this is your fault. You couldn't have known. It was an accident. Besides, if anything they're lucky you were there. At least the girl had someone to hold her, she wasn't alone."

"But she-"

"It won't be easy, but she'll be okay eventually. You can't blame yourself for this Juvia."

Juvia seemed to think over his words, before sighing. She still seemed conflicted but he could tell that some weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Gray pulled her closer to him and kissed her head.

"If you want we can go check up on her together? And make sure shes treated well at the orphanage until she finds a good family."

"You'd really do that?"

"Of course, if you allow me to come with you."

"Juvia would love that."

"Alright, then it's settled. Now try to rest."

"You promise to still be here when Juvia wakes up?"

"Not even Erza herself can make me leave your side tonight."

She giggled and Gray couldn't help the small smile. It would take some time for her to deal with this and recover. But she would be fine because this is his Juvia, the strongest girl out there. And he'd stay with her until she does.

"Graysama?"

"Yes?"

"Did you remove the ladder you climbed up with?"

There was a moment of silence before realization hit him. Gray sprinted to the window, ready to break the ice, only to find that he was too late because standing next to it was no other than Erza herself.

"GRAY FULLBUSTER, YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"

[zmayadw]

Hello to all :)

Here is the next part, time for another fun at the Aurora :)

Wish you all a nice evening!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 17

I sat at the bed, feeling the knot in my stomach. Thinking about going to Aurora and seeing Phil made me shudder. I hated the tought of having to talk to him about this, but i knew it had to be done. I threw myself backwards on the bed, taking the pillow, putting it on my face. Damn, i tought, can my life get more complicated. The sound of a new message on my phone made me get up. It was from Jake.

Jake: Hey, we're heading to the Aurora now.

Jake: You there already?

Maya: No, still at the motel.

Maya: Just about to leave.

Jake: Alright

Jake: See you soon :)

Maya: See you soon :)

Well, guess i better be going, i tought, taking my stuff and leaving the motel. I drove there as slow as i could, the knot in my stomach intensifying as i turned to the Auroras parking. Turning the car off,I just sat there staring at the entrance. I lowered my head on the wheel, thinking of just heading back, no one saw me coming, i could make some excuse why i didnt show up. A knock on the window made me look back up. It was Jessy. She opened the door „Oh, c'mon, everything will be fine.“ I looked at her, saying protestingly „Do i really have to go in?“ She smiled, ushering me out of the car „Yes, you do. Now, lets go.“ I got out reluctantly, letting Jessy practically drag me inside. We came to the booth where they sat. „Hello everyone!“ Jessy said cheerfuly, sitting herself next to Dan, who gave her a kiss on the cheek. She draged me next to her, and i was just apposite from Jake, giving him a quick smile. I said 'hello' to everyone, when i looked towards the bar. Phil was there, winking and smiling, showing with his hand for me to come. I smiled back, noding and raising my finger, indicating i would in a minute. I looked at Jake, his face darkening a bit. Ah, god, i said to myself, keep it calm Maya, everything will be fine. „We're just waiting for Cleo, she said she will be late for a few minutes.“ It was Hannah, wich made me look at her, smiling. „Its fine“ Jessy said „Soo, what you all been up to lately? She said, looking at each of them, stopping her gaze at Jake, grinning as crazy. Jakes eyes widened at it, and i kicked her under the table with my foot. „Uff“ she protested, as i leaned to her, whispering „ Jessy, behave, please!“ She grinned, sticking her toung just for me to see, before turning to others „I myself got a job interwiev today.“ Everyone cheered at her, when my phone beeped with new message.

Jake: I guess she knows :P

Maya: Ofcourse she knows

Maya: I told you she would see right through me :P

As Cleo didnt show up yet i excused myself, heading for the bar. Phil grinned at me „Well, hey there, gorgeous. It's nice too see you finaly!“ I putted on my best smile, hoping he wont notice my nervousness. „Hello, Phil.“ I said, sitting at the stool. „You look tiered“ he said, and i quickly replied „Working till late, sleeping little, it got to me.“ „Aww, sorry to hear that.“ He looked at me with that devilish grin , winking „But still looking good as always.“ The knot in my stomach tightened, and i had to force myself to smile „Aww thanks, Phil, you always know what a girl wants to hear. Can i get two beers, please, for Jessy and me?“ i asked, to wich he winked, getting two glasses and filling them with beer. „Hey, Phil“ i said, him looking at me. I was about to ask if we could talk later, when Hannah called me from the booth. I turned to see Cleo arrived, so i turned back to Phil. „Never mind, it can wait. Oh, and we'll need another beer for Cleo there.“ I said, taking the beers and heading back to the booth. I could feel Jakes intensifying gaze on me as i sat down, but i dared not to look at him. „So, now that everyone is here, i guess i can tell you why i called you all.“ Hannah said,a bit nervous, but happy nervous. „Yes, please“ Cleo started „All this suspension is killing me!“ Cleo was Hannahs best friend, and you could see the two wer close and cared for each other a lot. Phil came to our booth, bringing the beer for Cleo. He smiled and winked at me as he left. My phone beeped again.

Jake: Does he have to do it all the time?

Maya: Jake, please, just relax.

I shot him a stern look, when i saw he read my message, getting a bit agitated by it. I knew this wont be easy for him, even tho i reasured him i have no feelings for Phil anymore. Wich actualy was true. Seeing Phil now, after all that happened with Jake, i felt nothing. No sparks, no butterflies, nothing. It was like seeing a friend, nothing more. So i had tough time pretending all was as before even without Jakes jelousy. „Well“ Hannah started, and i turned to her now. „We called you all here, because we want to share a happy news with you guys.“ She said it, her whole face glowing as she smiled. I had a hunch where this might lead to, so a smile started creeping to my face. She threw her hand towards the middle of the table, a descreet diamond ring decorating her finger. The ring was simple, yet beautiful at the same time, because of it. She chimed happily „We got engaged!“ Cleo, Lily and Jessy all screamed in unison, Hannah joining them, wich made me chuckle. All got up from their seats, going to congrtulate Hannah and Thomas, and i waited for my turn. As i stod there, a hand took mine, and i saw it was Jakes. All this comotion gave him an opportunity for it, and he took it. I smiled gently at him, making a few strokes with my finger to his hand. Phil showed up then, bringing shot glasses, setteling them on the table „It's on the house!“ he chimed, grining at Hannah and Thomas „Congrats to the happy couple!“ They both smiled, thanking him for the drinks. As he was about to leave, he leaned to me, whispering at my ear „Mmm, thats a nice perfume you have there, gorgeous.“ He winked walking away. I was still holding Jakes hand, feeling him tensing when Phil leaned to me. I squized his hand, looking at him pleadingly, mouthing 'please, relax'. He looked at me,closed his eyes taking a deep breath. He opened them, squizing my hand, and i could see a bit of relaxation in him, wich made me relaxe a bit, too. It got my turn to congratulate Hannah and Thomas, so i squized Jakes hand once more before letting it go. „Im really happy for you two!“ I said to Hannah, hugging her tightly. She smiled at me „Thank you, Maya.“ I hugged Thomas next „Congratulations! You take good care of her.“ I told him, him hugging me back tightly „I will. And, Maya, thank you“ he started, and i looked at him a bit confused. „For everything that you did for us. If it wernt for you...“ he trailed off, and i could see his eyes getting a bit teary. I myself felt tears starting to form in my eyes „Oh, Thomas“ i started, hugging him once more „No need to thank me. Im glad i could help.“ We parted, and i scolded at him, smiling „Now, dont you get me all teary, we are celebrating!“ and we both smiled. We all sat back, taking the shots, toasting for Hannah and Thomas before drinking. Hannah looked so happy, and i was glad, she deserved it. They both did. I got up again, excused myself for going to toilet. As i was coming back, i took the opportunity to try and talk to Phil again. I got to the bar, Phil looking up at me, smiling. „That was kinda...“ he pause. „Expected?“ i finished, grining at him „Exactly!“ he chimed, grining back. „Well, they deserve to be happy.“ I started, adding after a pause „Finally.“ My toughts wondered back to all that happened, and how all could ended up differently, unfavorable for them. „Are you happy, gorgeous?“ I shook my head, clearing it from my toughts, looking at Phil „What?“ He looked at me, with that intensifing look of his „It's a simple question. Are you happy?“ „What made you ask?“ i said to him. Phil squinted his eyes, then raising his eyebrow at me „Dont know.“ He started „Something is different about you. But i cant quite get what.“ Son of a bitch, i tought, what are those Hawkinsis clairvoyant?! First Jessy saw right through me, and now Phil thinks something is up? I better step up my game! I smiled at Phil „What's not to be happy about?“ i said „Im here, alive and kicking, i met some wonderful new friends, they are happy, so i am happy, too.“ „And what about love, Maya?“ he asked, and i tensed a bit. Shit, shit,

shit. What was going on here? Was it really written all over my face, that something was up? I had to turn this conversation arround, and fast. „Awww Phil, are you getting sentimental on me here?“ i tried, grining at him. Phil looked at me, a bit serious for a moment, before a grin started to creep to his mouth. „You cant be serious for a second, can you?“ he told me, shaking his head at me, smiling. „I can, when needed.“ I replied, and he looked at me inquisitional. „Phil, i need to tell...“ i started, and i got interrupted, again, by Dan coming to us. Phil looked a bit annoyed at him showing up, and i was ,too. „Hey you two, i hope im not interrupting, but can we get another round of shots, please.“ Phil took a deep breath, before he put his best smile on, answering „Ofcourse, Dan, coming right up.“ Dan grined „Excelent!“ turning to me „Come on, Maya, lets get back.“ I looked at Phil, mouthing 'sorry' as Dan pulled me with him. He just shook his head, focusing back on getting the shots ready. We sat back at the booth, and Jessy leaned to me, whispering „What are you doing, Maya? With Phil, i mean? Jake looks like he wants to jump out of his skin!“ Oh, wonderful, i tought. I leaned to Jessy, whispering through my teeth, emphasizing my annoyance „I'm trying to talk to him, Jessy. I dont want him finding out about Jake and me from someone else. At least i owe him that much!“ I looked at her, she noticing my frustration. „Oh.“ Was all she could say, giving me a simpatetical smile. Phil brought those shots then. Noticing my frustration, he squized me by my shoulder, winking at me as he left. Jake was so frustrated by now with Phils actions, i knew i had to talk to him ASAP. We drank the shots, and chated for a while. Ok, here we go, third time is the lucky one, right? „Next round is on me!“ i chimed cheerfuly at them, as i got up heading for the bar. „Hello..again.“ i told Phil, annoyance showing in my voice, and he smiled at me. „Another round?“ he grined „Yes, please“. Alright, Maya, i tought to myself, its now or never. He was readying the shots „Phil, can we talk?“ He looked at me, noticing me being a bit serious. „Why so serious, gorgeous?“ he asked. „Well, i have something to tell you.“ „Ok“ he said „Go on.“ Finaly, i tought, but i was lost on words, i had no idea how to start this conversation. I was about to , when Phils phone rang, and i couldnt belive it. „Oh, for the love of it!“ i exclimed frustrated out loud, Phil looking at me in bewilderment. „Sorry, gorgeous, but its work, i gotta take it.“ „Its fine“ i said, frustration boiling in me now. Phil answered the phone, going to the storage room. I hoped he would be back soon, before someone or something interupts us again. All of a sudden, someone was next to me. I turned, eyes opening wide „Jake? What are you doing here?“ He looked at me, a bit of annoyance on his face at me asking. „Why? Am i interrupting something?“ I was still so frustrated with all the interuptions, when all i wanted was to talk to Phil and be done with it. „Yes.“ I said to him, probably a bit too harsh. He looked at me, raising his eyebrow „ I'm sorry, i'll leave you to your flirting then.“ He said, frustration and annoyance showing in his voice, too. He was about to turn and leave. „Oh, dont be so dramatical!“ I snaped at him. „Dramatical?“ he hised back at me. „Oh, im sorry if i dont like to see another guy, a guy that the girl i'm crazy about had feelings for, flirt with her so openly right before my eyes!“ he almost yelled it, wich made our friends notice something was happening, now watching at us intensly. „Arghhh“ i groaned with frustration „We talked about this, and you said you will be fine!“ i raised my voice now, too. „Im doing what i have to do, Jake, and im doing it for us!“ i hissed at him. We wer standing so close now, neither of us realizing it. „Well, i cant stand it anymore!“ he yelled, and before i knew, he pulled me to him and kissed me. All frustration left my body then, and i could feel him relaxing also. My eyes opened wide, as i pushed myself from him „What are you

doing?“ i asked surprised. He moved back to me, putting his arms arround my waist, pulling me back, smiling „Kissing you?“ I shook my head, putting my hands arround his neck „I noticed.“ I said chuckling. „But that wasnt what we had in plan.“ „I dont care anymore, Maya.“ He said, looking softly at me. „Im done hiding. Let them all know i'm crazy about you.“ He kissed me again, and this time i didnt move away. Whistles and cheers sounded from the booth our firends wer at, and Dan yelled „You go, hackerboy!“ We broke the kiss, chuckling at each other. „Now you've done it!“ i told him, grinning. „Sorry?“ he said, grinning through his teeth. My face got all seriouse then. Jake turned to where i was looking, tensing a bit. „Shit. Sorry, Maya.“ I sighed „It's ok, Jake. Can you give me a moment alone with Phil?“ „Ofcourse“ he said, giving me a sympatetic smile. He walked to the booth, and i turned to Phil. „Now i get what was different about you.“ he said to me, a bit of sadness on his face. I felt awful, i dint want for him to find out like this. „Im sorry, Phil.“ I said „Can we talk later? I want to explain everything to you.“ I added pleadingly „Please?“ He looked at me for a moment „Alright. Come tomorrow so we can talk in peace.“ I smiled at him „Thanks, Phil.“ I added after a moment „And i really am sorry.“ „Me too, Maya, me too.“ He said, and i felt even worse. „Come on“ he started, taking the tray with the shots i ordered before, leaving from behind the bar „Lets get your friends those drinks.“ Phil settled the shots at our table, barely sparing me a look as he left. I sat nex to Jake, him taking my hand. „Everything alright?“ he asked me. „It will be.“ I told him. „Well, then“ Hannah started, grinning at us „Now i know where Jake was hiding recently.“ I chuckled, and Jake blushed a bit, getting unconfortable for being the center of attention. „I'll drink to that!“ Dan said cheerfuly, taking his glass, and we all did the same. „To all of us!“ Hannah said cheerfully, and we drank. I was sitting across from Dan now, and as he took another sip of his drink, i kicked him under the table at his shin. He 'uffed', looking at me puzzeled „Heyy, what was that for?“ I squinted my eyes, leaning on the table towards him, looking all serious „Thats for calling him the 'hackerboy'. Again!“ Jessy laughed so hard at it, as Jake threw his hand arround me „That's my girl!“

When we got back to the motel i was exausted. I just wanted to curl with Jake in bed and sleep. I kicked my sneakers off, going for the bathroom. I changed to my sleeping shirt and headed back to the room. He gave me a sleepy smile as he passed me and went in the bathroom, too. I snuck to bed, wraping myself in the covers. Tonight was a good night, considering all. I was happy for Hannah and Thomas. Jake came to bed, hugging me from the back, and i moved as close to him as i could. I smiled as he kissed me softly on the neck. I took his hand in mine. „Dont try aynthing“ i said to him sleepyly „Im too tired“. He giggled „Dont worry, im exausted myself.“ He sighed „Maya, i'm really sorry about tonight. About Phil.“ I turned to him now, my eyes getting heavier. „It's ok.“ I smiled sleepily „But can we not talk about it anymore for tonight? I'll deal with it tomorrow.“ „Alright“ he said „Just wanted you to know.“ I moved my head to his chest, him pulling me closer. I felt he smiled, before he said „Im not sorry i kissed you in front of everyone, tho.“ „Im not sorry you did it, either.“ I said, smiling. I raised my head, giving him a kiss, laying my head back to his chest „Good night, Jake.“ „Good night, Maya.“ He said, and i fell a sleep almost instantly.

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 5

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn't and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/n

Warning: language, PTSD, anxiety, violence, fluff.

W/c: 3.5K ish

A/n : oooh getting serious. Im having so much fun writing this you guys! Shout out to @cutie1365​ for all her support! Go read her fic A Kid From Queens, but dont say I didnt warn you. Its addicting! 

Everything happened really fast after that day in the common room with Wanda. Shuri worked tirelessly in the lab trying to develop a softer approach to bringing back your memories. She believed if she could restore them fully, we would have the last piece of the puzzle.

Becoming the perfect war machine seemed like the most obvious use for the serum, but Steve reminded you Hydra always had something up their sleeve.

You really enjoyed living in Wakanda. Most days were spent in the gym training. Trying to harness the team's abilities was not so enjoyable. You worked with Wanda most. It helped that you were only 4 years older than her. She was younger than most of the team and had a dark past that seemed to mirror yours.

Most of your nights consisted of you, Wanda and Nat settling into the couch and cheesy eighties movies on the plasma TV. Bucky would often come out of his room and sit with you.

You really enjoyed Bucky's energy. Something about him just drew you to him. Maybe it was his smile, or the way he smelled like mint and nicotine, or that he read the newspaper and drank black coffee in the mornings. You weren't sure. One thing was for certain, the more time you spent together, the harder it became to leave him. Bucky would tell you about his past and how he used to have to bail little 'Stevie' out of bar fights and ally brawls every other day. He made you laugh like no one really did. When he told you about his time with Hydra and how they would control his mind you would rake your fingers through his hair and whisper to him he wasn't alone anymore.

As the days melted into weeks, the horrific nightmares began to grow legs. It was one of the many side effects from Shuri’s digging. Some days it felt like Hydra knew you would try to remember and this was their fail-safe. Every time you began to drift off you'd see Tommys pale face, blood oozing from the corner of his mouth. You swear, right before he stumbled off the edge of the bridge you saw him say something. You could never remember when you woke, nor could you recall any other detail other than Tommy. It felt wrong. You felt wrong. Like he wasn't yours to grieve.

One particular bad night, you remember waking up screaming. Your whole body felt like it was on fire as your tears seared down your cheeks. The only thing that grounded you after that was the small knock that echoed from the other side of your door.

“Hey, doll. Let me in?” His voice was soft and smooth and the only thing that seemed to bring you back to the dimly lit bedroom. You stared at the ceiling for a solid minute before slowly rising and crossing the room. Gently, you opened the door just a crack and looked up. There stood a sleepy-eyed Bucky. He sported a baggy pair of grey sweats and an old beat up tank, his arms on full display. In normal circumstances, you believed that that was enough to knock you out of any state. You wondered if Bucky knew the effect he had on people. Or worse, if he knew the effect he had on you.

“Can't sleep, keep me company?” He spoke, huskily. You could tell he had just woken up. Sleep still clouded his eyes, and the yawn he tried to stifle gave him away. You appreciate what he was trying to do, so instead of calling the man out, you opened the door, and welcomed the Super Soldier in.

You talked for hours that night. He didn't ask about your nightmare, which you appreciated. You had recited the images to Shuri about thirty times in the past week. It was the only memory that seemed to come back. It replayed over and over on a continuous loop through your mind. This moment with Bucky was a welcomed break.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” You finally spoke. Bucky and you had found your way onto your bed at some point. His right arm draped around your shoulder, as you leaned on his chest. He cracked his neck to look down at you.

“Of course.” He offered, shifting onto his side so he could really look at you.

“Does it ever stop? I’m so exhausted, all I want to do is sleep but I- I'm so scared. I don’t want to see it again… What if it never-” Your voice broke off, shutting your eyes tight to stop a tear from escaping.

“Hey, hey. You're not alone anymore. Remember? I went through it and came out the other side. And look how well adjusted I am.” Bucky smirked, sarcasm laced his last remark. You couldn't help but smile at that. You didn't know if anyone but you and Steve really knew how funny he was. Maybe he liked it that way. Maybe he was only that way with you? You knew it had been awhile since Bucky had really been this way around others. It warmed your heart how quickly the two of you got along.

“Listen to me, doll.” He started, seriously, lowering his stare to meet yours.

“I’ll be here. Whenever you need me. I know what it's like, to feel out of control. To feel like a prisoner in your own body. To answer your question, yeah I think it gets better. I mean,” He paused then, looking you up and down in a way that made you blush. He started again, words laced with that old Brooklyn charm the ladies used to love. Granted, that worked back in 1940 - something and he had been out of the game for quite a while.

“I’m in bed with a smart, complicated, frankly beautiful dame. I’d say it gets better, wouldn't you?” He gently tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. His touch sent shivers down your spine. Bucky's stormy eyes bore into yours making your breath hitch in your throat. There was a moment, so brief that when you recanted the memory you weren't sure it really happened. But you thought maybe for just a second he wanted to-  

“Up and at it, Y/n! Training starts at 0700!” Caps voice droned through your bedroom door suddenly, knocking you out of your thoughts and back to the bed you resided on. Your hand reached out for Bucky, who since that night spent most beside you. He would stay with you until you fell asleep and more often than not, when you woke, he’d be beside you, fast asleep. His side of the bed was cold, however. He had been up for a while.

You looked at your phone on the nightstand. 6:15 am it read. You groaned, rubbing your hands over your face and slinking out of bed. Pain screamed from your muscles as you opened the bathroom door. Carefully, you started the shower, steam quickly filled the room and calmed your aching bones. You stepped in and autobly signed.

Fifteen minutes later you met the rest of the team in the kitchen. You couldn't help but notice Bucky wasn't in attendance. Everyone looked like they had been awake for hours while your wet hair was pulled up in a messy knot on top of your head. Nat was pouring herself a cup of coffee when she noticed you come in. She smirked, instantly grabbing another mug and gesturing to the pot in her hands. You nodded quickly. ‘Coffee fixed most everything’. That's what Your Dad used to tell you before he left for work and you lived by that.

“Look who's finally up…” Cap announced. You had no idea how he was so chipper in the mornings. Even the sound of his booming voice made you cringe. The man must have coffee running through his veins. Maybe that should be Hydra’s next serum idea…

“I have risen. Just for you, Rogers.” You muttered sarcastically, taking the mug of coffee from Nat. You smiled and mouthed thank you, taking a big swig. Ugh, you grimaced, swallowing the brown substance much to your dismay. You didn't know what this brown water was but it definitely wasn't coffee.

Wanda laughed at your disgusted face, "It's decaf, Y/n '' she rolled her eyes, "Cap thinks decaf is better for the team. That coffee will mess with our 'performance' or whatever." She shrugged. What's even the point? You thought.

“Excuse me young lady.” Cap began, scolding Wanda like she was his teenager. Wanda smirked, turning towards his voice.

“Young lady?” Nat mocked her friend, nudging him out of the way as she reached for the piece of toast she had put in the toaster. She took a bite and over chews laughed, “You're really aging yourself, Cap.” She finished, hoisting herself up onto the kitchen island beside you.

You really liked Natasha. You thought she must have been the most beautiful person you'd ever met. Her red hair always curled around her soft features perfectly. You honestly didn't know how a human could look that perfect and be so deadly. Over the past few weeks, Nat had taught you a lot. You mostly trained with Captain Rogers and Wanda, but occasionally Nat would step in. She was small in stature, but she helped you learn how to use that to your advantage.

“What’cha say we go get some real coffee, babe?” Nat nudged you with a small smile. You looked up at her with a wide eye gaze. She truly was a hero.

“God, yes please.” You beamed as she jumped off the island.

“If you're skipping out on training then count me in! I” Wanda chimed.  Rogers looked frustrated as the three of you started towards the door.

“Nat, you heard what Shuri said. Y/n cannot leave the premises until we know what she's fully capable of. She’s dangerous.” Cap stated firmly, but unmoved from the kitchen. You looked at the floor uncomfortably. He was right. You were a ticking time bomb. You all knew it. Shuri explained with the presence of the nightmares it was only a matter of time before something snapped. And no one really knew how that would look when it happened. For the most part, everyone treated you like a normal person. An honorary member of the team. But Rogers often reminded you that you were anything but. Just an experiment and a means to an end.

"Comeon' y/n. I know a place we can get some real coffee."  Nat spoke, louder than Cap. Venom seeped from her words as she glared at the Captain. She shook her head disapprovingly. Wanda took your hand, pulling you gently out of the kitchen. When you touched you felt your skin sizzle, absorbing the power that surged through her body. You made a conscious effort to steady your breathing and push her power to the back of your mind. As you left you heard Natasha’s booming voice coming from behind you but decided to ignore it, as the two of you headed for the garage.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Steve?” Nat snapped at him. Steve opened his mouth and closed it trying to find the right words. “She’s a person, you ass! You can't keep treating her like some unhinged science experiment. She’s just a person. Just like me. Just like Bucky.”

“She’s nothing like Bucky!” He thundered. Nat took a step back, snaking her head disapprovingly. “I can’t keep thinking, what if we had it wrong. I mean, she can’t remember anything. What if her memories come back and she's not really on our side. I don't think we thought this through, Nat.” He huffed, running his hands over his face in frustration.

“I trust her, Steve. Bucky trusts her.” She started, taking a few steps closer to him. He shook his head in annoyance and scoffed.

“Bucky thinks the girl’s a doll. He’s totally smitten, that doesn't count. I think the guy would trust anything she said at this point-”

“Do you trust me?” Nat snapped, a brow arched, hands on her hips. Stever huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You know I do, but-” He began.

“Then it's settled. You gotta’ let the girl out. She's been locked up here for weeks. I promise, I’ll keep her safe. Besides, I’m getting pretty tired of her stealing my clothes. Coffee, and shopping and then we’ll be back, yeah?” Nat offered, voice dripping with sweetness. She knew she had won this battle. She always did.

“Two hours, Romanoff. That's all you get.” Steve grumbled. Nat smirked, rolling her eyes and spinning on her heel to meet you and Wanda in the garage.

“See ya later, Grandpa. Don't wait up.” She offered over her shoulder. Steve only shook his head and chuckled, hoping desperately he hadn't made a huge mistake.

Nat strutted victoriously out of the kitchen, and almost ran right into Bucky's large frame. She stumbled back, regaining her balance quickly. Bucky raised one brow curiously.

“Where ya’ going in such a hurry?” He asked, watching her carefully.

“I’m taking your girl out for a much needed shopping trip. Anything particular you'd like to see her in?” She quipped, sarcastically, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Bucky choked on a cough, clearing his throat and trying to turn it into a laugh. He failed, of course.

“I- ah, I don't know what- uh, what?” He finally got out. Nat smirkled, and patted him on his stiff chest. It was literally too easy. The man was such a ball of stress. Nat thought it was honestly cute. She’s never seen Bucky like this before. Nervous and blushing. She thought you were really good for him. Maybe you’ll finally take that stick out of his ass. She thought with a smirk.

“Have a nice day, Sergeant.” She cooed, pushing past his rigid body leaving Bucky in shock.

“You ready, babies?” Nat grinned, putting the key in the Jeep’s ignition. You sat in the back seat while Wanda sat in the passenger, both nodding vigorously.

“For the love of coffee!” You shouted, pointing forward. Both women laughed and with that you took off.

……………………...

You practically skipped through the Wakanda market. Beautiful earthy colours melted into the scenery practically taking your breath away. Wanda and Nat had stopped at a small coffee shop, but you wandered around, looking at the beautiful handmade clothing. The smoky smell of something cooking from a nearby street grill filled your senses. It was complex, sweet and spicy and sour all at once. It made your mouth water. Foreign and delicious. You followed the smell to a small hutch where people gathered around, eating and laughing.

“Beautiful isn't it? How food brings us all together.” A man spoke beside you. You recognized him as T’Challa, Shuri’s older brother and also the man who is letting you and your new friends stay in Wakanda. You had only really met him in passing, but never really spoke. Bucky always describes him as a kind, gracious friend. You smiled up at him.

“It is… Really beautiful.” You repeated.

“How are you liking Wakanda, Y/n?” He asked. His voice was deep and rich. Almost melodic. Just by speaking he had commanded the attention of the people around you. The new eyes on the two of you made you feel uneasy and small, but you took a deep breath and relaxed yourself.

“It's so gorgeous here. Thank you for having me, T’Challa.” You spoke his name and it made him smile. You froze unsure if that was the right thinking to call him. He was the King, sort of, but Bucky had always referred to him by his given name.

“Breath, my friend. You have nothing to fear here. You are with good people. Your friend Bucky speaks very highly of you. And any friend of the Sergeants is a friend of mine.” He voiced, placing a warm hand on your shoulder as you relaxed. From behind him you could see Nat and Wanda walking towards you. Wanda waved chaotically making you smile.

An old beat-up SUV made a loud popping noise as it pulled up somewhere behind you. The noise made you shudder. The familiar sound of gunshots rang through your ears as you grabbed your head, trying to make the noise stop. You looked to T’Challa who seemed only concerned, reaching out a hand to steady you.

“Is everything okay, Y/n?” He spoke, trying to gage what was wrong by your actions. The loud deady blows echoed through your head, unrelenting as a scream erupted through the crowd. You weren't sure if you had made the noise of if it was someone else. Everything seemed to fade away and your vision became blurry.

“Y/n, Y/n! Can you hear me?!” You heard a woman yell over the crowd. You tried to focus on her voice, but it was too late. Everything suddenly went black and you felt your body go numb.

You woke up in the dark cement room that plagued your nightmares. A man's eerie voice echoed off the walls.

“Еще раз!” Again! He shouted. Usually when you relieved these memories you didn't know what the man was saying.  But for some reason, this time your brain was translating for you. You didn’t question it as you looked around the room. You felt your body scream as an excruciating electric shock ripped through you. Tears burned down your face as you begged incoherently for it to stop. As fast as it came on, the shock stopped, and you could breathe again.

“Ты сама во всем виновата, дитя мое.” You brought this on yourself, my child. The man cooed, wiping a bead of sweat that ran down your forehead. You winced at his touch, the feeling of him on you making you nauseous.

“Если бы ты только сделал то, о чем тебя просили. Если бы вы только слушали. Может быть, все было бы по-другому, хотя я сомневаюсь в этом.” If only you had done what you were asked. If only you have listened. Maybe things would be different, though, I doubt it. He spat, chuckling as he motioned for the other outside of view to start again.

“Please, don’t do this, Zemo. Обещаю. Возьми мою память. Заставь меня забыть, только не делай этого.” I promise. Take my memory. Make me forget, just don't do this. You begged. You tried to move your arms but they were secured down. The man only laughed at your feeble attempt, building a rage inside of you.

“Oh, don't you worry, мой ребенок. All in due time. When I’m done with you, you won't remember your own name.” He grinned a crooked smile as the machine you laid in whirled on again, sending a volt of electricity through your body. You clenched your teeth and stifled another scream.

Your eyes burst open, scolded by the sun and the tears that now streamed down your face. Gasping for air you tried to sit up, but your body shrieked with pain. On your left Nat sat beside you, Wanda was on your right holding a phone to her ear yelling something you couldn't quite make out.  Your breath slowly began to return and the sunspots in your vision cleared. You looked around, the market was now almost empty but the small street grill was now billowing with smoke and flame. Nat helped you up, body still aching. You looked around, horrified by the mess that was once the lively market.

“Are you okay, Y/n” Nat started, her hands on either side of your arms. You blinked at her, terrified.

“What happened?” You asked, horrified to actually know the answer. She gave you a nervous look and tucked a loose hair behind her ear.

“It wasn't your fault, Y/n. No one was hurt, everyone got out. It’s going to be okay.”

“It most certainly is not going to be okay!” Captain Rogers' voice boomed from behind the three of you. Wanda spun around startled, while you just hung your head low. Whatever lashing he was going to give you, you deserved. It couldn't be any worse than what Zemo had done…  You paused, eyes a gape.

“Oh my God.” You gasped, alerting the others. Steve looked at her angrily, impatient for your next words.

“I remember something… I think- I think I remember who did this to me.” You choked out, eyes glassy as you remembered for the first time the man who made you a monster.

................................

A/N: Thank you for reading! Hope all have a great weekend! As always, feel free to leave me feedback! My inbox is always open!

@projectcampbell​

[wildlydeliciouspainter]

- III - The tower

*Hi! I hope you guys like the story so far. I’m thinking up each chapter as I go, and mainly use this as a way to improve my writing skills while typing about the things I could see happening in Stardew. If you have any feedback or suggestions for the storyline feel free to message me. Enjoy!*

“Here, this is for the journey.” Daya puts a small package into Elliotts hands. “Its your lunch, and a book for the road.” The brown wrapping is held together with a string which has a duck feather attached to it. Elliotts face lights up instantly when he notices it. “My favorite.” He wispers. “Thank you dear.” He softly plants a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll let you know when I get to Zuzu city, okay?” She nodds and smiles. Her eyes wander off to the tunnel leading the tracks farther into the mountains. Way down in the south, lies the big city where Elliotts booktour will take place. Zuzu city, a modern place with skyscrapers and highways. Daya saw its skyline once before when she went on a roadtrip with Robins son Sebastian. Thinking back on that memory is filling Daya with unease. 

Sebastian, her relationship with him could be called complicated. After they broke up he moved to the city taking with him one bag of clothes, his laptop and his motor cycle. She still though of him now and then and wondered how he was doing, but never felt comfortable enough to reach out. With the way things ended that was probably for the best, she though. The sound of the approaching train suddenly echoes through the tunnel and brings Daya back to the present. “I love you, stay safe.” Elliott says and cuddles her. His long red hair tickles her face. “Love you too, return to me in winter.” She wispers into his hair. “I will.” 

Daya waits till the train leaves to continues its journey through the mountain pass. When the last wagon has disappeared into the tunnel she turns around and starts walking back. Something moves her to take a different road than usual. Instead of walking home via the mountain road she takes the detour trough Cindersap forest.

The air in the woods is crisp, and dead leaves roll over the forest floor around her. A vague sound in the distance catches her attention. Mysterious music that can only come from one place. The wizards tower. There was a time when she ran a lot of errands for the wizard and his practices in the dark art, but ever since she moved in with Elliott her life shifted from the forest to the shore. Paying her old friend a visit couldn’t hurt though. She follows the sound, and suddenly sees the blue roof of Rasmodius home towering over the trees in front of her. 

The door to the building is closed, so she knocks. “Hello?” The wizard is always close to the tower and as expected the door slowly opens, creaking in its hinges. A sweet smell of herbs and incense wafts out of the hallway to greet Daya and the old door mysteriously closes behind her, though no one is standing near it. “Welcome.” Says the wizard, in his deep, calm voice. He is sitting in a purple chair next to the cauldron. From the big black kettle green fumes circle towards the ceiling. “Hi Rasmodius. I went for a walk in the forest and thought I’d stop by.” “Ah, is that so?” He says, his voice seemingly insinuating something different to be the case. “Yes.” Daya replied. “Tea?” “Yes please.” On the coffee table stands a bronze teapot filled with fragrant leaves. Its fresh, as if company was expected. Rasmodius pours two cups and hands one to his guest. The second cup stays on the table untouched. Daya’s eyes follow the intricate carvings on the table that show the cycle of the moon and its many forms. She sips from her tea as Rasmodius talks to her. “I was hoping you would stop by today.” He says, his eyes fixated on the cup in front of him. “I have a guest that was hoping to see you, so I might have used a bit of magic to lure you here.” He presses his fingers together and stands up. At the same moment there is a sudden movement at the fireplace, as a dark figure steps out of its shadow. Daya almost drops the tea cup in her lap. But manages to catch it on time so only a small amount of its content spills over her finger. “Damn it!” She growls, and puts her burned fingers into her mouth. Dark sweater and hair he disappeared into the wizards gloomy interior but when he turns towards her its unmistakable “Seb?”Daya’s cheeks immediately turn red as she realizes she is still using his petname. In an attempt to rectify her mistake she coughs and adds an unsure “astian.. sebastian, hi.” Rasmodius stands up awkwardly and points Sebastian to the chair he first sat in. “I’ll leave you two to catch up.” He mutters and pats Sebastian on his back. Then flicks his fingers and disappears into thin air. “Oh!” Daya’s eyes widen but this time she holds her teacup in a firm grip as not to spill more tea in surprise. “I hate it when he does that, it catches me off guard every time.” Sebastian smiles slowly. His eyes are fixed on the teacup the wizard left for him, an impenetrable expression in his eyes. 

She didnt miss this part of him, the silent stares and her guessing whats going on inside. “How, eh.. how are you Sebastian?” “Could be better.” He smiles wryly and picks up the cup in front of him. “You?” “I am very happy.” She thinks of her life with Elliott and instantly a smile appears. “Happy to hear that. Say Daya, I’m sorry to barge back into your life like this, but do you still have your sword?” At the word sword she has to put down her cup because her fingers start to tingle. She can feel the heft of the purple blade in her hands even though its not there. Sebastian looks at her moving fingers and frowns barely noticeable. “Yes, I still have it.” She wispers, her thoughts miles away from the tower.  “Could I borrow it?”  “Why?”  For the first time in the conversation he looks straight at her. His light brown eyes catch her off guard and she repressed the impuls to tell him he can take the weapon as long as he leaves now. His eyes leave her face to search the room. When he is sure no one is lurking in the shadows of the furniture around them he leans towards her to plead his case. “Its for Abigail. She got abducted from the mines on one of her adventures. I didn’t know untill I got a weird email that seemed to be encrypted. After I send it to Rasmodius he figured out it was send by the dwarf in the mines, warning me she was taken. This was only this morning. I came back from Zuzu as fast as I could.” “Are the two of you..” Sebastians eyebrows raise. “Friends, good friends.” Daya nodds. “Just so I know how delicate the situation is.” “Okay, will you help?” “Eh I want to but I’m not sure I can.” She can see his eyes darken while she struggles to find the right words.

 “You see, the prismatic shard I used to forge the sword in Calico, its infused with my energy. Even linked to my energy I had to find a way to learn how to handle it. Its almost like handling an animal, learning its body language and finding a way to work together. Its a bond that I’m not sure will be translated well to another.” She though back of an instant where Elliot picked up the sword. Holding it alone almost made him sprain his own wrists. The disbalance between him and the iridium made it uncontrollable. As soon as she took it in her own hands the purple metal calmed. Sebastian wouldn’t be able to handle the sword and without Daya’s link to it the weapon would turn into a crude waraxe with no regard for the person who yielded it. “Have you considered the adventurers guild? For their members they have some fine weapons, I’m sure a lava katana would do the job just fine.” Sebastian stands up, looking down on her with irritation written al over his face. “You know the galaxy sword is way more powerful than that. I expected a bit more from the women who fought serpents and shadow brutes alike. But I should have know, your feathers and fruit loving poet has made you soft.” Daya shoots up, almost matching Sebastian in height. “Listen to me very carefully.” She hisses. “No one took my bravery away. I chose love over a life of danger, but I can still fight. And if you want us to find Abigail you should try to work with me instead of pissing me off.” “Us?” “Yes us, we’ll get you a weapon and I”ll have your back for Abigails sake. But keep the attitude to yourself please.” His eyes darken but at the same time there is that slow smile again. “I’m sorry, your help is more than welcome.” “Thank you.” 

They set up a practice for the next morning, and as they both leave the wizard tower and walk into a different direction they are both wondering about the adventure thats ahead of them. 

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY LiveThoughts: V8E7

Since I finally have time for it today, lets make sure Im all caught up for the hiatus. 

Before we get fully started, an idea; Its not a war crime if they’re Grimm. Then its just self defense. So break out the napalm, the cluster bombs, the chemical weapons, the fun stuff. Make em regret it, yeah?

And we start off...on a farm. Looks like my moms old farm in South Dakota. Even on Remnant, hay is best used in bales.

Waiiiit. Thats the place the Whale set down isnt it. I see a Sayber running. Ah, and the Atlas military! Surely, the vanguard of a massive force to hold the line! Also Im glad to see a close up of the helmet for once, I want to make my own. Also, the gloves, and the rifle itself. Not sure why it doesnt have a stock, seems kind of silly...

And airships too, so they got some fire support...whats that wall behind them though?

Also it TOOK US 8 FUCKING SEASONS to get a close up of these FUCKING Weapons. 8. FUCKING. SEASONS. Okay maybe more like 5 cause they didnt first appear till 3 or so but come on. Im so picking this shit apart later. 

Pfft, bros got some nerves going on. Come on man, its just some Grimm, you’ll be FINE.

Atlas field harvesters resemble Halo’s JOTUN Farming equipment. As wel as our own. No surprise there.

Alright, bunch of Saybers, not seeing much of a threat here.

Hey, Paladins! Damn, they...look way different than I remember them to be. 

I wont lie, I dont like the Paladin design. Way to much visual noise, I cant tell where anything IS. 

Also that is the most 2D grass I have sever seen in my fucking life. What the hell are they growing here...

Huh, the whale has two sets of teeth. Wait, its just there? And its wpewing out Grimm. So...why isnt the air force firing on it? 

Yeah its not moving, its just raising its head and slamming down and vomiting out more Grimm. Im not sure what the issue is here, just...seal the mouth. 

Oh, huh. Apathys. Let me guess, RTs gonna try and tell us depression is going to kill most of Atlas. Oh for fuck sake. IM NOT IMPRESSED RT. IM REALLY NOT. IM MORE FUCKING ANNOYED THAN ANYTHING

Okay so...I see what this is. Its farm land outside of atlas proper and there’s an additional wall behind them, plus the power lines I guess? Seems like a viable place to make a stand. 

...thats it. Please tell me this is just a single detachment of the Atlas military because there is less firepower here than a NATIONAL GUARD UNIT ASSIGNED TO ONE CITY

Im fairly certain there are more people assigned to ONE UNIT attached to JBLM then I amm seeing here. 

Not to mention this is an OPEN FIELD the Grimm have to run through. This is a literall fucking TURKEY SHOOT. Running across an open field anywhere is a ticket to DYING.

Just ask the poor fucks on D-day.

Also uh...why is everyone in line formation? What is this, fuckin’ 18009s combat Napoleon style?

And did the distance suddenly change, I feel like the whale suddenly got a hell of a lot closer.

Just...I dont get this. This makes no sense. Did Ironwood learn how to deploy forces from a fairy tale book? This is legitimately some fuckin Lord of the Rings shit here.

RIP that one specific trooper hit by that Behemoth though. Dont worry friend, the thing walked next to a Paladin. Its getting its eye blasted out

And cut back to Ironwood. Doing...fuck if I know what.

Staring angrily it seems.

“Dammit, my tactical deployment by line formation and parade ground tactics isnt holding back the Grimm, curses!”

Well MAYBE IF YOUD THOUGHT TO INVEST IN SOME FUCKING AIR SUPPORT...Seriously.

I know people have told me why this is. I understand myself why this is. But it really just...does...not...jibe with me. At all. 

Okay so more details; first, apparently Atlas has a subway. Makes sense, its a big island. Inter-system transits probably a given. Second; Was that Mantis Squad Omega? Some kind of unit maybe...interesting.

 Also I love how this guy just questions Ironwood. Like, bro, if the General says do it, do it.

Hold the fuck up, why is everyone outside? It looks like fuckin’ Cali during our lockdowns...what ever happened to martial law huh?

Also “underground subway stations”. Yes, thats...kind of what a subway IS. I guess maybe they have overhead ones like New York does. Mass transit be weird like that.

I mean HELL the signs on it are almost identical to the ones in NYC too! Even with the colored circles and train cnumbers. 

According to the sign here they’re at Pickens Square Station. 

Oh boy. Ironwood just fed these poor bastards into a meat grinder. Anyone here ever played the Metro game series, or read the books?

Remember the Dark Ones? The Nosallias? Yeah. Tight corridors and monsters only work out well for angry vodka fueled Russians.

Didnt see it very well but I THINK those Mantas had some kind of wing gun. Either thats new, a separate armament setting, or RT forgot what ind of weapons they gave their ships AGAIN.

Cant get the shields back up, yeah, no shit, they DETACHED ONE OF THE FUCKING PILOTS YOU IDIOTS.

Also hah, they arrested Yang, Ren and Jaune. Not surprised.

Beta squads apperently been hitting the whale. ‘Bombs, missiles, we cant make a dent, sir.” ...while Im not surprised by this, I also hear shades of the opening of Halo 2s level Metropolis. “Where’s the rest of your platoon?” “Wasted, sarge. Blew right through us. Rockets, fifty cals, didnt do nothing.”

Honestly they could have SHOWED THAT too. Them just saying it feels like a cop out to me. Take that as you will. But if you want us to see the things hard to kill, show it. 

Not that I figure Atlas’s rockets are much more than Dust in a propellent tank. Not exactly a Hellfire or TOW.

Nice to see proper military talk for...a moment anyway.

Or what I figure RT figures is proper.

Oh so now the whales moving. Okay...huh.

Jaunes commentary is the same as mine. Though I guess the size seems to shift depending.

Ohhh. Its MANTA. As in the gunships. Alright, sure that works. And this guys making a good call. If you cant hit the big one go after the smaller. Of which there seems to be a HELL of a lot. Actually holy fuck that Grimm spew is across like...ahlf the fucking island right now. Time to fuckin torch and burn people.

Ahhhhhh and they get to the proper idea.  If you cant punch it from the outside, hit it from the inside.

I knew a crew...three madmen, names of Keegan, Lahni and Mac. The Hivebusters. Something tells me a Venom bomb would do the trick...if it can rip apart Swarm creatures as big as a Snatcher or a Swarmak and reduce them to green slime, I think it’ll work on Grimm. 

Something tells me RT isnt gonna give em a bomb though. Too obvious.

NEVER MIND. “Science team is putting together a bomb.”

Also I LOVE how Winter’s pupils expand and retract in fear as she realizes what Ironwoods asking her to do.

Awww now shes getting the shakes too.

Salem directing this shit like shes some kind of orchestra leader. I mean it FITS but...I dunno.

Ah so the command deck is directly behind the whale’s glowing nose. Basically inside where the spermacetiy organ would be in a real sperm whale.

What the fuck is Emerald doing there?

Sneaking I guess. Huh. Why’s she sneaking around the whale. Also, huh. guess seeers can get fooled by Emeralds semblance.  Is HE STILL BEATING UP ON OSCAR? Jeez dude. Take a breather.

Honestly if this was TRUE I would be okay with it. Replace the Huntsman with, I dont know, a massively overequipped military for each Kingdom, let them run rampant...stomp the Grimm out or push them back to nonexistence...everyone lives happily ever after

Lets be real here, the idea of the academies? Really really fucking dumb. Its cute. Fairy tale like.

But if theres one thing this show has taught me its that fairy tales SUCK. Reality...tends to be worse.

Ah theres one of those torture hooks they mentioned a few episodes back. Nice of the whale to have a specific interrigation room.

And at last we get some information on how Salem works. Alright so...what happens if you seperate the parts then? Sink one in the ocean, launch one into space.

Sounds like Oz/Oscars telling the fans what we’ve been saying forever, Companion Book be damned; Salem wants to die.

These mind games bore me. Its cute, but I dont like it cause I cant follow that shit. Give me a straight up fight any day, fuck this sublty backroom fuckery

No lies from them both here honestly.

Medical supplies in Atlas seem almost the same as here on earth interestngly. Also, soup. Or...coffee, tea?

Blake with the obvious here. But I mean thats not really saying much cause...well. Not hard to outfight the Atlas military it seems like.  (Long suffering sigh)

Im gonna make a seperate post about my frustrations with that and leave it there. But dont expect me to stop fully complaining about it because everyones gotta have something to bitch about with this show, and I’ll be DAMNED if I start joining the BB whiners.

Good question, Ruby. Might be that YOUR NOT LIVING IN A FAIRY TALE

I’d like to see these people dying in Mantle. I refuse to believe that there isnt SOMEONE in the nation that once brought Remnant to its heel that wont stand and fight. Unless Im wrong about that too...

May backstory? May backstory. Yeah.  Not amazingly complicated but it works. Cant tell if shes Henry though...or was. 

Dramatic lightning flash

Cute you think that Ruby. Theres sides. Always are.

Further proof honestly.

Hazels look of though is amusing. Cant tell if he doesnt believe Oscar, or if his tiny peabrain is runing full bore to think this through.

Coordination between farm boy and professor.

Oh. OHHHH. Plants the seed of doubt in Hazels tiny mind, he uses the last question for himself, sees the truth... Clever, Oscar. Clever.

Hazel peabrain go THUNK

Ah so Mercs going off to Vacuo. Guess that means everyone else is going there next too. Eat that, random Discord person, I called it.

Course, CFVYs there so...maybe we get to see Yats beat up on him.

Oh hi Tyrian. Do you just...randomly roam the halls of the whale waiting to DRAMATICALLY REVEAL YOURSELF and give violent expositon? Im very much okay with that.

Also I love how he just...accepts this. Totally fucking bonkers, totally down with it. 

Oh shit, Tyrian and Mercury going to Vacuo? Damn thats gonna be INTERESTING. I guess Tyrian’ll fit in well enough honestly.

Flying Beringal literally out of the roof. 

I remember back when this season first started and I said those weird bone platforms looked like VTOL launch bays. Guess what? They are.

Merc and Em emotion blah blah DONT CAAARRREEE

Jaune thinking tactically for ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE. An I mean military tactical of course.

Also I like how the Aces say they dont let emotions cloud their shit WHEN THEYVE BEEN DOING THAT THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

This ENTIRE PLANET is emotionally run. Thats why the Grimm are such an issue! Makes small note to make Remnant Adeptus Mechanicus cult

Seriously though...

I wont lie though, Hare isnt wrong. Wonder what happened to that Tortuga guy. Tyrian, is my guess. Love how Ren interrupts the moment they almost mention Clovers name.

Expendable, yes. Replacable, no. You should have a talk with squadron leader Grey from Star Wars Squadrons Ren

ANNNNDDD SEMBLANCE EVOLUTION. Or the edibles just kicked in.

This is cool and all but its really fucking dumb and hamfisted. Explain all you want. Mention emotions all you want.

The Aces are fucking huntsmen. HUNTSMEN. FUCKING. SUCK. They always have. Its a dumb idea. Yes, lets stop the hordes of monsters invading this world BY SENDING IN SINGLE OPERATIVES WITH FUCKING MELEE WEAPONS

I’ll make this clear to you, Ren, right here and now. If you faced a REAL elites, you wouldnt have stood a chance. Nor would RWBY. Their bodies would have been three-shot from 20 meters out with a breach and clear and stacked against the wall like cords of wood, one final shot to the dome to make dead sure they were down. None of this stupid flipping and acrobatic crap, none of this clashing weapons and Dust and semblances...no. 

You’d be dead before you knew they were there and they would move on. You’d just be another body to the pile, one more faceless corpse to add to their kill count. A meatgrinder in human form. 

Professionals. Dont. Lose. AND THE ACES ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS!

Because thats not what RWBYs about, never has been.  And that is what annoys me slightly. That and the fact I cant distangle what I know of other universes and our own from RWBY’s. Its hard to hold a universe on its own when everything they make points towards it being like ours, but they change it when they see fit. 

I feel like thats bad writing.

Hehehe. Winter touched Elms boob.

Glad to know that Winters got her priorities right. Course, that bomb probably aint gonna do shit cause its Dust based.

...again, hoping its a chemical weapon...

Wait, the Atlas forces from earlier are STILL FIGHTING? Damn, these Grimm must suck if they couldnt wipe them out in that little time...

Also I cant tell if its getting dark cause of the storm or if its the dawn of the next day.  Or did...they shift time around? I lost track. I SWORE the sun was setting the last time we saw everything.

Also return of the shitty 3D grass...

Marrows gonna defect.

Awww poor Winters got emotions. HEY MAYBE DONT SEND A MENSTRATING WOMAN OUT ON A FIELD OP, ATLAS!

So according to May there’s still front lines. Cool. 

AYYY ITS KLIEN! HES BACK

Oh, I guess hes a doctor too. Oh he MAD.

Ayyy Whitleys being USEFUL for fucking once in his shitty life.

Shes gonna hug him isnt she.

CALLED IT. For fuck sake...whatever. Cute. But whatever.

Oh annnnddd now Grimmquake?

No. It stopped...Bolide?

No. PENNY.

Annnnddd shes leaking coolant. And sparking. And dead.

RIP Penny.

The concept art of the beached whale looks so fucking silly. Seriously, just...detach the whole section there. Drop the fucking thing. 

Oh well.

And thats it for almost two months! Be prepared for me to BULLSHIT MY WAY THROUGH ALL OF IT and continue on with my military fanwank because THATS HOW IM SURVIVING 2020!

[fablecoingolf]

thots on LOGAN, on REAVER, on BEN FINN,

oh man, this might be long I warn you! I’m not sure how best to format it I think I’m gonna do like dots, coz otherwise it’ll be just a massive block of text

LOGAN:

honestly not as many thoughts as the other two aside from “nerd” and “inconsistent face” I look forward to trying to draw him one day and by look forward to I mean dread very much!!!

he’s totally not cishet look how he sits and his colour palette is pretty close to the ace flag so, though since he’s the villain for the decent amount of the game it’s important to be careful with that

I think that his design in combination with how the hobw tends to look feels antisemitic in a way that is recurring in fable that should be addressed more often I really hope if 4 ever happens they change the like good/evil morph pretty considerably, 3 is an improvement though

I don’t have many feelings towards him though as a character, there’s a thing with tone in 3 that I’ll talk about more with reaver that influences this I think, and just in general he sort of exists separately to everyone for most of the game, like he’s the player characters brother you should feel Something but there’s just no like. anything to their interactions. what’s his relationship like with theresa, with walter, with like Anyone, he just monologues at a map!!! do something talk to someone half a character is their interactions!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like he’s fun I’ve made posts about him before, on a surface level he’s fun but like past that I just don’t really feel anything towards him? so it’s kind of hard to talk about him

I had an image of him up on my screen while writing this so this entire time he’s been staring me down hdkdj

the uh, like art of him with, the front of the armor that’s shaped like a crown is very funny that’s supposed to go on your head what are you doing

I have my own idea of how Hero stuff works because this is my canon now and I can’t be stopped and I really don’t like some parts of how they say it works, but I don’t know if now is the best place or time to talk about that, it’s partially relevant to all these characters but it’s kind of hard to explain and I feel like by the time I reach the end of this I’ll have no more words so I should really save them? I don’t know, I bring it up because it’s relevant though I just can’t decide

REAVER:

it’s funny that that’s his name, dude’s not very creative huh? like a clothier named Tailor, we get it george you steal things

I mean my name is crow because.I like crows..but I’M allowed to name myself stupid things because I’M sexy and cool and awesome and my ideas are good ones always (sarcasm)

for real though my thoughts here are complicated because there are parts to this character that touch on things that I like(pirates,cool spooky void stuff,) but those don’t get like, any focus

I like him in 2! I only like him in 2. aside from the weird character design decisions 3 made, theres the tone thing I mentioned at logan that I’ve been thinking about lately I’m not sure I can word it right but I’ll give it a shot!

so like, I think, fable likes to be funny, the feel it generally goes for is fun and it’s a fantasy game yknow? characters like jack of blades and lady grey (and the crawler kiiiind of? a bit) are obviously bad but because of either the way the game treats them or the way the game feels or the things they do theyre fun villains who I like! reaver in 2 falls into this I think, yes pirates are real but, like knights and stuff there’s. I can’t think how to word it, there’s a difference between historical knights and fantasy knights and reaver is a fantasy pirate, the shadow court stuff is obviously bad but that’s also not real? the tone of 2 is more serious than 1 and I haven’t replayed it in a while so I’d have to play it to know how it lands Exactly. but reaver in 3 hits too real with actual things and lady grey is also evil rich person but the tone of the game carries that where 3 is serious about it and it’s effects that’s like the whole point and you can have a character and a game that does that but you can’t have that character Also be the fun villain because then it confuses things, that’s Also not to say the fun villain can’t be interesting or like metaphors or whatever obviously it’s just The Feel of the thing, fable 3 can have its evil factory guy but reaver isn’t the character for that for so many reasons. I really don’t think I explained this in a way that makes any sense I can try to word it clearer another time maybe

I have fixed this internal problem I have by pretending very very hard that reaver isn’t in 3 and that’s just some other guy and that’s fixed all of my problems, even that stuff aside from a character perspective I don’t buy it

I have a whole thing about what he’s doing in 3 because I don’t know who the onceler guy is but that’s not him. it’s very neat I think please ask me about it I need an excuse to talk about it and this is already an excuse sure but it’s already very long

anyone else noticed that he always wears things that cover his neck? I noticed it when compiling reference images for my animal crossing thing and I hate to give you the bad news but I am certain he’d never wear the sexy pirate shirt, if I had to design modern clothes for him he’d have a turtleneck

I feel like I could read into the way he dresses (gloves, high neck,yknow?) in an interesting way actually but I’d need to think on it more

also actually before I keep pretending he’s not in 3 I don’t want to brush over the transmisogyny in the poster which is supposed to be viewed as a positive thing since it shows up, like when the rebellion is progressing right? I don’t remember the exact point of the game but you get what I mean. or the dress which would be fine if he wasn’t an antagonist in this game + the poster making it clear it’s intended to be something to be made fun of

I have made pokemon teams for the fable 2 heros because I think about them a lot and pokemon a lot and I want to share but I might wait until I’m in a pokemon brain space so it’s easier for me to, but I have Thoughts

the man who lives forever by lord huron has oakvale reaver vibes for obvious reasons and it’s also a good song and you should listen to it

a few lord huron songs do actually but I don’t want to associate those other ones with him in my brain because I like them and,like, it’s not my fault our aesthetics overlap!! I hate that!!!!!! I’M the sexier bi/pan nonbinary occult pirate Back Off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He gets ONE lord huron song, ONE, no more!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a few conflicting ideas of oakvale reaver actually I need to settle on one but I’m not sure which I’m gonna go with, one that song matches with way better

he wins second place in having inconsistent face hdkdhk

I’m always torn talking about him for like all the reasons I’ve stated and like, people talk about him plenty and maybe what I could say is different coz I think I interpret the character different to the way I see a lot, but it feels like I could put my energy elsewhere better same reason why it feels weird to draw him? he’s popular adding to that pile rather than like anyone else would feel weird of me, but my brain latches on to pirate and goes wild coz they’re important to me separately so, yknow I’m torn

I could say more probably coz like I said the fable 2 heros are my favourites and I have the most thoughts on them, but I’ve been writing this for actual hours coz words are very difficult to make and I have stuff I need to do today

anyway the oakvale ghost pirate is still cooler, he says yarrrrr and Didnt cause oakvales destruction, and he loves his wife!!! that’s like +1000 sexy points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he’s a ghost which rocks

BEN FINN:

he’s good : ) !

I like him! he’s good

my thoughts here are very simple and I can’t elaborate past “: ) !!!”

oh he’s trans and bi

and while I usually don’t care about ships unless they’re the seafaring kind, page+hobw+ben finn is cute

he’s just good I have nothing to say and no complicated feelings i just think he’s neat : ) !

one day I’ll elaborate on the hero thing I was talking about with logan I just don’t have the energy right now

I genuinely can’t think of anything right now I’m sorry hdkdjf I just like him that’s enough!!

[rqs902]

on one hand im happy that this means there’s gonna be a lot of official content since the eps are supposedly so long that they gotta cut them in half. 

youku has been pretty consistent with giving us a relatively good amount of official content. but on the other hand im always slightly concerned that by splitting up perfs, those whose perfs get aired first will have a competitive voting advantage since (as long as they do well) those kids will have a full extra day of persuading people to vote for them through their stage performance. It’s not as huge of a deal as when other shows split performances across weeks, because a whole week ahead is a much bigger advantage than one day ahead. but every day can help those who need the votes. at least akey and zhan yu got aired today.... feels bad for jin fan because he really needs the votes. 

also another down side is just this show’s eps are SO LONG they’re eating up a ton of my free time LOOOL but thats how these shows always go for me... because I always end up taking like double the amount of time to watch an ep, just to pause, digest, rewatch sections that i like (sometimes multiple times), make sure i understand, etc. i feel like these shows always consume my life during the few months they’re airing so i’ll just enjoy it while I can HAH

..

anyway ep 4 starting with singapore buddies huang junrong and sun yinghao speaking english with their singapore accents!!!!! lol can totally relate to yinghao tho, like when you cant read chinese you gotta find someone to translate for you

yang chaowen with dog!!!!! i wonder if the dog really likes him LOL they seem to appear together on camera often. akey with chen junhao!! and zuo linjie!! making friends!!!

lol i feel like the group leader choice method is some sort of extended advertisement for knock off apple products lol.........

HAHAHHAHAHAH LIN MO’S VIDEO STARTING OFF ALL FORMAL AND NERVOUS AND THEN XUE EN’S CUTS HIM WITH HIM BEING STUPID. I LOVE IT. there’s two types of people. how did they not vote for xue en HAHAHAH

interesting that they picked the songs for the self-composition group ahead of time, rather than make them make the song as part of the competition (looks at produce camp... fireman is my jam but the east binhe road team ran into complications with that, so I can see why it’d be more risky to let them do that again) but lucky for zheng renyu and li chenxu tho! I’m interested in hearing their music so i dont mind, just kinda wondering what the other kids who picked composition would’ve brought to the table

oh theyre still giving yan an screen time... every time i see him im happy but then feel oof

oo zhanyu’s first stage look is just so nice oof xikan talking to lin mo but lin mo looks ded and is all eye patched up :( 

LOL su er all jubilant over a sexy concept song - good luck with that

oooof this shot of jin fan’s perfect side angle 

aw akey being bested by shaopeng at every match... but im so excited to see what they can do together, theyre both so good at making music!!!! the resident music makers for each of their respective groups, tyger and coreone, theyre both so talented! def shaopeng has and deserves the credit but hopefully people will see akey contributed too bc im sure the two of them really led together, being the most experienced rappers hahaha

WHOA csp opening up to qu boyu and saying he has older step brother and sister who have a different mom from him and encouraging him to just be real when writing because there will be people out there who connect with his lyrics awww hes really taking this child under is wing and teaching him from zero, hes really like a big bro taking care of him and enjoying watching him grow. im glad csp is opening up and is self reflective enough to realize that he hasnt done so enough in the past and that he should involve himself more with the others. 

im happy cui shaopeng got to feature in the bts clip for his group, he deserves it and hasnt gotten much screentime relative to his talent before. im happy akey got a little time and some recognition for his skills too. honestly just happy akey FINALLY got to do a rap stage..... wish we couldve gotten more huang enyu and huang junrong but im happy they got to show off their vocals!! for being young vocals in a rap performance, their stage presence were both really good too! csp’s entrance is epic wow. 

wow this is the most hyper performance ive ever seeeen wow im so happy for akey because we know how long hes been waiting for a rap stage and wow csp’s leadership must be top notch to get this group to somehow be cohesive with such a not cohesive song LOL i respect that csp really respected akey’s skill and let him shine too. akey was a second c if ive ever seen one lol. they both got to shine and so did everyone else in their group, which is telling of his leadership and why this stage turned out so well that even all the teachers like jackson were so hype LOL 

OOF shen bohuai and lin mo talking about how akey’s lyrics are so moving like lin mo wanted to cry and bohuai felt like he could tell akey’s been through a lot

lol xikan and bohuai being all tough and lin mo being like lol i feel the pressure. shaopeng smiling like a proud parent when boyu gets good comments c: oof rip akey and shaopeng’s votes tho :c 

lin ran’s look tho LOL but zhan yu’s is so questionable?? why is he in this group ?? LOL but i guess its his turn to do something cutesy. mannnn why does zhan yu look like hes surrounded by children but hes not even that much older//?? hahahha ooooo is this the center zhan yu of legend?? ?hahahah yayyy hopefully more people will notice him! you know when i heard zhan yu was gonna be center, this was not the type of song i was imagining, but hey if it takes a cutesy happy song and a bunch of little kids around to get zhan yu a chance to be center, ill take it! i wish they’d show us some practice footage?? im confused why there isnt any?? i think sun boran’s stage presence is good! zhan yu’s voice so powerful yess somehow he managed to show off different aspects of his vocal skills in this very plain song LOL  im surprised lin ran didnt stand out a lot but when they pointed out that he purposefully put himself in the back to protect his team members i think that makes sense bc he knows being cute isn’t going to be able to win them as many votes but if the less popular kids in his group dont get votes, its a lot more devastating for them than for himself. lin ran didnt want this song and he didnt want to be cute but he really didnt want kids to suffer from choosing his group. lin ran has a cute image but i appreciate that this time we got to see a more serious side of him. isnt it ridiculous that theyve literally trashed zuo qibo and lin mo about being old but then literally i didnt realize until now sun yinghao is the oldest??? (he looks really young wow and so tiny aw) but also like they never bring up akey being old either?? some sort of weird bias going on... but i mean good for yinghao and akey lol 

but aw im glad theyre giving yinghao some attention... 10 years and starting off with jackson? oof... 

ayy zhan yu getting the most votes!! 

kou cong being older bro to zlj but also ultimate mentor to cxh aw yay for him getting some recognition from the judges and jin fan supporting him too heheh but it says a lot that he recognizes cxh’s efforts and wanted to put in his own effort to help him

i wonder if them giving zlj less audience votes is an elaborate scheme to get him more pity votes from the general public lol.... well im excited to see the rest of the stages tomorrow! 

[01010010-posts]

— my white sighs quietly melted with the stars above.

it all started with a simple ‘you’re a slowpoke??’ text and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply immediately after. ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person’. absolutely no, you scoffed, as if you were going to be tricked again ‘bitch don’t play the wrong number card because you didn’t catch the bus’. he was amused by your obstinacy and lightly worried about the supposed receiver, who, it appeared, was very clumsy; ‘please, control the number you texted, I’m Connor.’ boy he sure was. not your pal, not someone else in your contact list, just.... Connor. ‘god, i apologize!! thank you for telling me! ps. didn’t mean to call you a bitch, connor’ and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply. connor: shouldn’t you be in bed by now? you: but,,,, i wanted to chat with u a little more connor: as an android sleep is not required but you, as a human, need to rest. we can always continue talking tomorrow. you: :( what if you have a long case tomorrow?? mh?? what if?? what you’re gonna say in your defense then?? connor: don’t worry :) I’ll find time for you. you: ok you win goodnight ☆ connor: sweet dreams. goodnight, [name]. it’s been three months since you’ve first spoken with him. intimacy there but low, how obvious it is that the two of you are proceeding with caution. yet you can’t help but write to him every day, staying up late while waiting for an answer of his, often checking your mobile and getting unsettled when there’s no signal. it’s strange, your colleagues whisper, how can you be so attached to someone if you’ve never even seen him? of course, you know it. you don’t wish for a pretty face, you only wish for a pretty personality. with a heavy sigh and a loud poof you pull the white duvet up to your head, finding comfort by completely hiding inside the warm embrace. you tightly hug a pillow, pretending that it’s him, returning your affection and cuddling, maybe caressing you too inasmuch, as he said, ‘androids don’t need to sleep’. but is it bad to fantasise? you: I’m deeply sorry.... sweetheart: >:( you: [name], it’s the seventh text-made emoji you’ve sent me.... they expressed some sort of anger so I’d prefer if we discussed about whatever is bothering you. sweetheart: >:(( you: I’m begging you.... sweetheart: you’re grounded and your punishment is enduring the wrath of weird angery text-based emoji :< you: what did I do to deserve this? :’( sweetheart: i sent you a heart & you didn’t send it back to me you: gosh! how clumsy of me! could you ever forgive this fool? sweetheart: mhhh it depends. what are you willing to do to be pardoned? you: I’ll send you whatever heart I possess! 💕💖💗💖 sweetheart: THIS IS UNFAIR!!! he’s silently giggling all by himself, in the cold room lit by his blue led circling at a steady rhythm– no, it’s not the temperature, rather it’s the atmosphere; ‘cold’. he’s still grappling with emotions and developing tastes is– well, to put it simply, complicated. he’s heartened with the fact that you once said, at the sight of a photo of his bed and the corner within, that being minimalistic is a style too. though, possibly, his true self is one of a clutterer of knick-knacks. of course, he’d like you to help him pick what ornaments would suit him the best. you: wtf i dont believe it connor♡ : but it does! you: prove it MIKU HATSUNE connor♡ : listen here human it’s not my fault you haven’t got the chance to witness an android external fluid deactivating you: !!!!! are you bragging?? connor♡ : ahahaha I’m joking it’s sending a video right now you watch ecstatically as soon as the app downloads the file, your chest throbbing with pleasurable anxiety. how can it be? he’s kind, precious AND fucking handsome, skin or no skin. you bet bad things will happen to you today to balance this sheer luck. think it thoroughly, it’s actually the first time you see his face. you: u’r cute also how does your hair work man connor♡ : thank you :) it’s connected to my head so.... you: i get it cybernetic magic your secrets are safe with me connor♡ : ahahaha and I was concerning myself about disgusting you you: WHAT fuck no you’re done that way, ok, it’s cool ok? kept it in mind are you allowed to insert ♡ near his name and not tell him? you: I’m waiting!! :/ sweetheart: so needy you: come on, [name]! sweetheart: tru tho you: >audio file cooome ooooonn sweetheart: !!! im ready pick up idiot the monitor lits and here you are, gorgeous. he’s certain that his heart melted on the spot. such is the sensation you give him every time you send him a photo, his thirium pump skipping a beat and making him inevitably somewhat gasping for air, mouth barely closed. he’s not accustomed to all the new features deviancy brought but in this he’s confident, he’s head over heels in love with you. you: what?? you’ve already seen the movie?? love♡ : yeah! I went with Hank! it was very nice, you should see it too you: WELL id kill to (please don’t arrest me detective) but nobody wants,,,, love♡ : why is that? (I won’t arrest you if you behave) you: something along the lines of not their genre or some shit uff (seems sketchy) love♡ : what about going alone? (it isn’t!!) you: it would be too sad :’(  love♡ : I’m sorry to hear that, if I could be there I’d accompany you and wouldn’t mind seeing it a second time. you: yes i know.... what is it? six months? more? you hardly remember, having so many messages in here, it would be too difficult to keep track, though you’re positive, that if you asked him he’d tell you in an instant, since he’s so attentive with that little brain-computer of his. you close your lids, tapping your fingers on the desk, it’s wearing, you must admit. you like him, a lot at this point, but being so far and out of reach.... what can come out of this? friends don’t support you either, ignoring this blatant crush, trying to make you hook-up with people met at a bar, getting annoyed at you constantly texting, preaching that a long distance relationship is not worth your time and your effort, and it’s not even a relationship, isn’t it? you’re not on that level. you’re just weirdos keeping themselves company. bummed out a bit, you decide that maybe avoiding him for a couple of days might be a proper solution. will he feel your absence? will he miss you? you: is everything all right? sweetheart: yes. you: are you sure? sweetheart: yep im,,,, swamped with work, the drill you: that I understand but perhaps I did something wrong? sweetheart: ?? you: you’ve been acting kinda cold lately, and if I’m the cause of that I’m sorry. being a deviant is good sometimes, and sometimes is not. it was great until a while ago so why now.... now....? he feels so lost. it’s understandable to have a job and a life outside this bond but– but is it really? is it okay for you to be without him? you’d manage fine. mhh no– the real question is: is it okay for him to be without you? can he be without sending you a text at least once a day? can he be without hearing your voice at least once a week? can he be without your usual video calls at least twice a month? can he be without seeing you, over a screen, cooking your dinner and singing? can he be? can he exist without you? he’s.... starting to doubt that. sweetheart: no i’m i’m the one whos sorry, okay? we can call tomorrow you: I don’t want to press you into anything you don’t want to sweetheart: you’re not! i’ll make up for not having been so present! you sigh, suffocating yourself on the pillow, how can you be this dense? this stupid? this utter moronic?? unequivocally he was going to worry. you made him worry. fuck. you’re going to trust your guts, no dumb jokes, it’s obvious that you both care about the other and can’t stay apart for too long. you: i know it’s 3AM and you told me to not be awake but i cant i cant okay? im thinking of you and me and you and it began because im a mess so it shouldnt be a surprise i havent gotten better this past year has been.... the best. yeah i fucked up and tried to be distant, to see if sth would change but it didnt i love waking up and finding a text from you, i love the sound of your voice trying to lull me goodnight when im being a spoiled child, i love how you’re so gentle & how you always forgive me and mostly i love you not as a friend, definitely as more, definitely like a lover and i know that you’re so caring that you’ll probably still want to talk with me even if the affection’s not mutual you lock your phone’s screen and place it on the nightstand. the orange light from the streets seeping through the curtains and soaking your covers, and now that your eyes are free to roam, it’s easier to notice the soft feathers’ filling making tiny shadows on your face. poor poor geese. your fingertips slightly touch the stitches, your heartbeat pacing furiously from the strong emotions, both trepidation and fear running your veins. what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s been polite this whole time and you overstepped his boundaries? what if? love♡ is typing.... ping! love♡ : I love you too, honey. but please, don’t scare me again, I think I lost four biocomponents when you suddenly stopped replying to me. also you should sleep. you: im pouring my heart out ugly crying and!!!! you’re too casual nooo it’s no big deal baby we just fucking love each other it’s totally ok incoming call from love ♡ “hey....” his tone slow and almost drowsy “i thought it was clear enough.” words rolling off his tongue, the same that he’d tenderly run across you, kissing, tasting, worshipping your body “i hate you.” you sniffle and there’s a chuckle on the different end “i love you.” you smile, wiping off the tears wetting your cheeks with the back of your right hand “i love you too.”

[saints-row-2]

film watch day 31: Every Halloween Film

happy Halloween today i watched every Halloween film currently available to me. i couldnt get to rewatch Halloween 2018 but i already wrote about it a couple of weeks back so feel free to revisit that post. anyway, i watched ten Halloween movies today. It took around 17 hours. i started at 11:15am and im writing this now at 6 am.

so lets get to the post. for the most part i went in chronological order, except i chose to start with Rob Zombie’s remakes because i knew if i didnt id be finishing the day by watching them at the break of dawn and the idea of doing that was so fucking putrid to me that i decided to get them out of the way first.

Halloween (2007)

i hate this fucking movie. i mentioned in an ask the other day but im happy to repeat here, i dont hate the idea of expanding on Michael’s backstory. like the fact is we largely know his backstory, the issue is how this film chose to portray it. the original Halloween is frightening because its based around the idea that the seemingly safe, quiet suburbs are not as safe as they seem; you can be on a street youve known your entire life, only a few metres from your own home, and still at risk. the whole idea of showing Michael as a murderer when he was six is to tell us that anyone could be a threat, that our conventions that all killers are a particular kind of person is false.

Halloween 2007 says fuck that, we know what serial killers are, and theyre those poor kids who come from shitty neighbourhoods and have abusive parents and mothers who are sex workers. everything that Halloween brings to the table is fucking tedious, played out, and massively uninspired. it wants to bring us the truth about why Michael is like he is, but Rob Zombie’s only understanding of serial killers is in the cliche and exploitative. he has nothing honest about human nature to show us, only the exact same stories that have been fed to us by crime and horror movies past.

this film is incredibly loud and in fucking constant motion. even on steady shots of still scenes the camera constantly shakes, and in every other scene its always whirling around from tracking shot to panning over the scene to just idly zooming in and out of nothing. Zombie’s favourite shot is to have something large and out of focus in the foreground -- like some plants -- and to shoot the characters standing about six feet away muttering to themselves. every single fucking shot in this movie lingers too long, every scene drags a little longer than it needs to. this film moves with the pace that i would describe as “family guy gag”.

and this film is so loud. people are always talking or screaming, largely about nothing important or interesting. theres always music, but it never particularly adds anything; for reasons i fail to fucking understand the entirety of the original theme plays over mostly uninteresting tracking shots of a minor character walking around yelling filler lines about nothing.

the writing is horseshit. everyone in this film is vile, no one talks or behaves like real human beings. almost every exchange in this movie is the characters saying the exact same thing back and forth inanely, frequently punctuated by screaming FUCK as loudly as possible and talking about sex in a way that 40 year old men really really wished teenage girls talk about sex. Halloween (2007) is thoughtlessly gross and mean and nasty, disconnected from any kind of human sensitivity and empathy. it wants to be complicated and to be deep but its crushingly simplistic and stupid. the only thing that redeems it is that its not Halloween II (2009). speaking of which...

Halloween II (2009)

jesus christ this movie is so fucking boring. Halloween II is two hours long but feels like its about twenty hours long. i felt like i was watching this film for twenty days and twenty nights. i was trapped in an eternal purgatory with this movie.

i really cant fucking emphasise how boring this film is. endless scene after scene of nothing of consequence happening, uninteresting death scenes that add nothing, and Michael wandering around doing jack shit. Halloween II fucking made Michael Myers boring, and im saying this as someone who (as i repeat once every 8 seconds) has a tattoo of him. this film couldnt hold MY interest in two of my favourite characters of all time.

the big fun new addition from the first movie is the presence of Michael and Laurie’s mother as a kind of weird goth ghost guiding Michael to kill. i dont know why Michael had to be Jason Voorhees and be a mommy’s boy all of a sudden, but this addition brings absolutely nothing of interest to the film or to his character. its meant to be symbolic of fucking... something im sure, but it feels meaningless. somehow Michael and Laurie are both able to see and interact with this ghost and the ghost has an agenda to do... something? it feels about as intelligent and coherent as the bullshit cult of thorne shit from 6, but a lot less fun. at some point Michael Myers apparently has mind control powers?

not to repeat myself a hundred fucking times but this film is insanely unpleasant to watch. every scene someone is screaming, generally wailing “fuck you bitch” at anyone in their vicinity. this is two hours of people howling swear words at each other and not infrequently making rape jokes. Rob Zombie loves rape jokes! almost as much as he loves putting sexual assault in his movies over and over again for no reason.

there is nothing to enjoy in this film. theres nothing to gain. there is too much slow-mo and far too many strobe lights and absolutely nothing of any intelligence or grace. Halloween II is a thirteen year old boy in a korn T-shirt calling his mom a bitch while he draws zombies on  the back of his homework, which he will get an F for because the only thing he wrote was “reading is for faggots”.

Halloween (1978)

what the fuck can i say. this is one of the greatest horror movies ever made, if not the greatest. its one of my favourite movies. its forty years old and still just as chilling and frightening as it ever was. it has some shot composition and cinematography thats up with the best ive ever seen, all while being shot on a budget of $300,000. it does more with less than just about any film, launched the slasher genre, shot Jamie Lee Curtis to stardom and created a pop culture icon that stayed strong for decades. its a masterclass in tension and suspense, a lean-cut perfectly paced film with heaps of atmosphere and character.

i love this film with a frantic passion that makes me unable to talk about it in a particularly helpful way. i cant “review” Halloween. I love this film beyond reason and sense and you either get it or you dont.

Halloween II (1981)

Halloween II is largely one of the less remembered entries in the franchise; its a decent enough movie, neither matching up to the highs of the original or the lows of the later films. its a pretty enjoyable little film, created under the logic of ‘well the first one did well, lets do the same thing again’. Carpenter wrote the script but didn’t direct, and while the film has a solid story, the directing lacks his signature flair. its hard to pinpoint, because the film is generally fairly well-shot, but lacks a kind of eye for shot composition that Carpenter made look easy, doesnt have as much patience for suspense.

on its own merits, theres still some great shots and great scenes in the movie. and a lot of really cool kills; II got a lot more creative with what Michael was capable of, and i think the boiling water drowning kill is rightfully pretty infamous.

this was the last Halloween movie Carpenter wrote, and it was the film where the idea of Laurie and Michael being siblings was introduced. and believe me ill defend this fucking decision to the grave. adding the human connection between Michael and Laurie gives a whole other layer to their relationship thats so fascinating to me, and i love that other films try to expand on the themes of family. in general, deciding that this film would continue to focus on Laurie and not do what later slashers did with bouncing around between different casts was a great fucking move, ironically for a franchise that was intended to be an anthology.

quietly exploring the aftermath of the first film was a good idea for a follow-up, and i especially really enjoy Loomis’ role in this movie, and his discussion about who Myers is. the biggest disappointment for me personally is that Laurie lacks a lot of presence in this film. Curtis is great, as always, but the movie dawdles on some side characters who are too disconnected from her to get a sense of what shes going through.

all that being said, Halloween II is decent. the ending is really great, with some really powerful shots. Michael bleeding from the eyes of his mask after Laurie shoots him is one of the best fucking images in horror and him swinging blindly as Laurie and Loomis slowly orchestrate his death is a fucking amazing scene. i have an immense fondness for this movie, with all its flaws. it brings a lot of really cool concepts to the table, and i think it deserves some appreciation.

heres a question tho; where the fuck were Laurie’s parents. theres a suggestion theyre missing, but theres no explanation why and we never hear from them. did michael kill them too? hello? mr and mrs strode? your daughter just fucking killed a guy and all her friends are dead. where the fuck are you.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III is infamous as being the Halloween movie that isn’t about Michael Myers at all. when it first released it was wildly unpopular and remained so for quite a while, but has had a surge in popularity over the last few years. i think just about every horror critic i know now considers Halloween III one of the best in the franchise. and to be fair to it, its a great little movie. not a slasher at all but rather a conspiracy thriller, Halloween III is all about the mystery of what the Silver Shamrock mask-making company are really up to, and why people are disappearing. its a weird and creative little movie, with some really fucking great practical effects that turn it from just being a thriller to being an all-out horror film. it has a few too many ineffective jumpscares and some of the plot twists are kind of disappointing and feel a little too much like the easy option -- and then others are so wildly bizarre no one would see them coming because theyre fucking completely out there. but i kind of love that sort of nonsense in a horror movie. like lets just have a fucking good time in here for once in our fucking lives.

Halloween III is not a perfect or even a really great movie, but yknow, fuck it. the idea that only perfect films are worth watching is dumb. i appreciate the weird shit this film tried and i think it deserves a lot more respect than what it got; if it had been released under another title it probably would have gone down as a classic instead of being derided for years, you ask me.

now things start going rapidly downhill

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Halloween 4 is when Jamie is introduced as the new final girl; Laurie’s seven year old daughter, after Laurie herself died off-screen in a fucking car crash. the decision to kill off Laurie came from Jamie Lee Curtis decided not to return to the character and instead of recasting her, they went with just having her… die. off-screen. in the franchise where the previous two movies were about her triumph and determination to stay alive. like its the casual thoughtlessness of this that, the idea no one would give a shit a character returned, that in my eyes epitomises how fucking little anyone cared about this franchise going forward.

man the idea of Laurie dying completely irrelevant to Michael… thats a lot. anyway continuing on his quest to erase anyone related to him, Michael starts targeting his niece Jamie for the three movies in the franchise. this is where the series started rapidly losing any grip on reality. while Michael always had some kind of superhuman elements to him (he took six bullets to the chest and survived in the first movie) these became increasingly wildly exaggerated. now hes crushing peoples skulls with his bare hands shit like what the fuck. first of all do that to me and secondly, it was this kind of slide into unreality that let the supernatural elements of the series creep in further until you end up with the shitshow that is Halloween 6. like it was the decrease in the impact of violence and human life that really fucked this franchise over.

this film is not great. its a definite decline in quality after 2 and was on the slippery slope downwards. it has some high points, primarily in Dr Loomis. Donald Pleasance is a better actor than most movies deserve and brings gravitas to a role that in the hands of a less capable actor would be laughable. his sincere plea to Michael at one point to just kill him instead of going after Jamie is honestly fucking tragic.

outside of that, the film isnt massively interesting. Michael himself isnt particularly threatening or engaging, and his mask looks like shit in this film. the characters in this film are largely very stupid, also, which doesnt help anything much.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

if theres a Halloween movie people talk about the least, its this one. II has the sibling twist, III is the black sheep, 4 is the return, even 6 gets talked about for its troubled production history. no one has anything to say about Halloween 5. and thats mostly because there is fucking nothing to say about Halloween 5. it is a relentlessly fucking dull movie that pads out its 100 minute run time with endless unnecessary scenes of shit that does… nothing. this film is dull in a way that i find incredibly detestable. i cant even watch it through a haze of impassioned anger like i can with the also incredible dull Halloween II (2009). its just fucking boring. every single scene drags like its trying to walk on two broken legs. the plot is so bare bones its nonsensical. it constantly adds new characters and new elements but all that does is makes it more incoherent and confusing. watching this movie i literally found my fucking eyes glazing over in my skull. if this film was edited correctly it would be twenty minutes long. i cannot fucking emphasise enough how much of relentless slog it is. Halloween 4 was dull but even that had the lifeline of ‘some cool ideas’. Halloween 5 is nothing. Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water.

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

if Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water Halloween 6 is just a fresh hot glass of piss. there are two versions of Halloween 6, the director’s cut and the theatrical release, and both are wretched. this film went full ham with introducing the supernatural elements, telling us that Michael was his whole life psychically controlled by a pagan cult called the Cult of Thorne in order to make Halloween scary again or summon the devil or who fucking cares. this movie is fucking insufferably dull, totally absurd, and wildly unsympathetic. i loathe Halloween 6 and every terrible, stupid plot decision it makes. Paul Rudd defeats Michael Myers by drawing druid symbols on the ground and Michael just gives up and lies down. theres a baby that does nothing and serves no purpose. Halloween is apparently banned in Haddonfield, which makes this more closely related to Footloose than Halloween i think. this film takes itself incredibly seriously while spouting nothing but total fucking bullshit drivel and i dont believe that anyone involved in this movie, from the cast to the cameraman to the guy who served the lunch had any faith in this movie outside of the vague hope it might make money and i wish this movie had been burned at the stake. also i hate Paul Rudd.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

oh thank fucking god finally some good fucking food. Halloween H20 took the decision to retcon all the sequels (except II) twenty years before Halloween 2018, proving that everyone knew 5 and 6 were fucking mistakes.

this film loses a lot of the Halloween feeling in favour of making a more generic late 1990s/early 2000s style horror. theres nothing particularly interesting about the way this movie is directed or shot, the music is largely very generic, it has a generally uninteresting glossy quality to it that studio movies always do. its very obvious this movie was inspired by Scream and it looks a lot more like Scream than it does Halloween. all of this makes me kind of sad, but other films in the franchise have proved that other directors generally are not capable of imitating Carpenter’s style so maybe its better they dont really try.

what H20 does so well, and the reason i love it so much, is that it explores the relationship between Michael and Laurie, which is something im endlessly fascinated with. this was the first movie to have Laurie shake off her fear and rise up against Michael, and while it doesnt do it with quite as much depth and intelligence as Halloween 2018, it still has a fucking good crack at Laurie’s character, and its still powerful watching her turn on the man who terrorised her for years. Michael is great in this movie too; while he has a terrible mask, watching him back on his shit as a furious force of nature who wants nothing more than to destroy anyone who gets in his way.

honestly i kind of enjoy having a Halloween in a different style; theres something fun about seeing characters recontextualised and done with justice and empathy. most of the Halloween sequels before this one (and after, looking at Resurrection) are shallow, unconcerned with any kind of emotional depth or personality. and while a lot of the stock filler characters in H20 who are lined up for the chopping block arent that interesting and dont particularly standout, watching Jamie Lee Curtis’ performance and seeing her interplay with Michael is enough. and most of the side characters arent particularly annoying, which is more than i can say for half this franchise.

this film also has what is one of my absolute favourite endings in a movie ever; the final confrontation between Michael and Laurie has a particular interaction between them that i absolutely adore and that alone is enough to make this movie one of my favourites.

H20 isnt perfect; it weirdly feels like a blueprint that Halloween 2018 would later refine into a better movie, but the idea its going to be completely disregarded for Halloween 2018 in the future makes me a little sad. in the face of so many fucking mediocre and awful Halloween sequels it did the right thing in trying to focus on what actually mattered; the connection between Michael and Laurie, although i dont feel like it succeeded in making Michael as scary as 2018 would much later. that said, the shot where Michael and Laurie just stare at each other through the glass of a window? that gives me chills every time. and hearing the Halloween theme kick in as Laurie marches off into the school with an axe looking for Michael is so fucking triumphant.

i love H20 even if Michael’s mask looks like his hair was dunked in a bucket of water and then gently blow-dried. i have no idea why it looks so fucking stupid in this movie. why is it so hard to get Michael’s mask right. you wouldnt think it was that fucking hard. anyway, i really fucking love Laurie Strode a lot, which didnt help to make Resurrection any easier to swallow.

Halloween: Resurrection

so whats the obvious thing to do after you have a movie where the power and emotion all comes from the emotional catharsis of seeing a woman get her vengeance on her tormentor? you, uh, make a sequel in which she is immediately defeated and pointlessly killed after its revealed her victory at the end of the previous film was entirely false, and then you never return to focus on her and instead introduce a horde of entirely uninteresting stock characters. yeah, makes sense.

Resurrection is fucking incredibly stupid, in the kind of fucking hysterical way only really bad horror movies can capture. theres absolutely nothing of Halloween in this other than the presence of Michael, who just as easily could have been replaced with anyone or anything. the story has a group of people on a reality show staying in the Myers house to… stay there? its not entirely clear what the challenge is meant to be, other than to just be inside the house, which i imagine gets to be pretty dull viewing pretty quickly. theres no suggestion theyre like, hunting for ghosts or something along those lines, theyre just… looking at stuff.

Michael slopes around this movie like he doesnt fucking understand where he is or whats going on, an entirely out of place relic of better times past while the cast cavorts around him doing nothing of interest and having no plots or characterisation to speak of. the film has exactly two or three funny moments, including the legendary ‘Michael Myers getting electrocuted in the dick by Busta Rhymes’, but youre way, way better off just looking that up on youtube instead of watching this movie. there is an hour of pointless plot development about characters no one cares about until Michael starts fucking killing people. this movie shouldnt exist and we should all go back to pretending it doesnt.

and thats it. thats all the halloween films. i can die now.

[pinkletterday]

Dancing Queen

Pairing: Oliver Queen/ Barry Allen

Rating: Teen

Summary: Barry makes an awful pun and Oliver makes an impulsive proposal.

A/N: Arrow S5/ Flash S3 AU. Laurel's alive and Sam came back to Starling with William.

This is my Olivarry fic with the highest proportionate kudos rating. Idk why. It's a strange bit of fluff. :P

Read on AO3

When Mayor Queen's driver pulls up to his boss' apartment building, Oliver is still on his phone. He's been on his phone or in meetings all day, putting out fires, being sneered at by experienced Councilmen, harangued by the city treasury and being coached through dizzyingly complicated legalese by Laurel. He is trying not to drown in it all but can't ignore his night job either, especially considering a certain businessman who had turned up, thinking to offer the new and overwhelmed young mayor a tempting carrot and a large stick. Oliver has been urgently co-ordinating with Diggle and Felicity for the Green Arrow to divest the gentleman of both, post-haste.

His child's mother calling him to demand satisfaction is the icing on today's cake.

"Yes, Samantha, I understand this is the third time-," he absently waves the driver off, juggling his briefcase and files. "I know William was disappointed at missing his weekend with me - yes, I realize that - Sam, I just got sworn in as mayor! - well, yeah it was three months ago but - yeah, I'm still at my night job but I am being careful - yes, I am taking him to the Cardinals game this weekend - I'll make it up him, Samantha, I promise - I'm not lying to him!"

Samantha isn't done with him until he's at the doorstep of the apartment he now shares with Barry. Who had moved to Starling to be with him ("I can be in Central in 10 minutes, Oliver") but who, to Oliver's eternal guilt, has barely seen him this week, what with work and vigilante-ing ("That's still not a word, Barry.") and respective family commitments. He's two hours later than he said he would be today as well.

Oliver unlocks the door, weary apology on his lips, expecting to find takeout on the counter and a speedster flopped forlornly on the sofa, flipping through the cable channels.

What he finds is the delicious smell of baking pervading the apartment, along with the strains of Grease and Barry obliviously singing along into a broom. He's in his socks and Spiderman boxers, wearing one of Oliver's t-shirts that hangs so large off his slender frame that it makes him look like a misshapen manta ray. There's icing sugar on his nose and his hair is still fluffy from a shower.

"Better shape up, cause you need a man..." his boyfriend spins around á la John Travolta, does a double take when he sees Oliver and bursts into a smile like sunshine, continuing without missing a beat - "and my heart is set on you!" flinging his arm out dramatically to point at him. The complete dork.

"You're the one that I want, you are the one I want," Barry sings blithely into his makeshift mic, hustling up to him, "ooh ooh ooh," shimmying from side to side. Oliver grabs him by those enticing hips to pull him forward and kiss him as soundly as he can through both their grins. He tastes like icing sugar and almonds.

"What's all this?" asks Oliver when they break apart, gesturing to the kitchen island scattered with baking supplies and trays of fresh-baked doughnuts.

"Well," Barry leads Oliver by the hand to show him his handiwork, steps still bouncing, "I figured you'd be in hot water with Samantha because you had to cancel your last weekend with William 'cause of that thing with the vampire cult -"

They have vampires now, apparently. Because the world isn't already ridiculous enough. "Was that Star City weirdness or Central?"

"Neither, they turned out to be based out of Keystone. And you were the one who rolled out the magic stuff, not me. Anyway. Samantha doesn't understand about vampires so I figured she'd be on the war path -"

"She is."

"So your intrepid superhero boyfriend breezed by William's school and found out that his class is having a bake sale!" A grown man should not look that much like an adorable labrador that had brought back the frisbee, Oliver thinks. "And William says Samantha is pants at baking, so if you ride in on your white horse with two dozen homemade doughnuts -"

"I'd earn back some brownie points."

"Exactly. And it makes your interest look more proactive! Which it is!" Barry hurries to clarify as Oliver's face clouds, "You're just really swamped, Ollie. You'd bake all day for William if you had time. But you do have a speedster boyfriend to help out so...I'm just pinch hitting."

Oliver looks with tenderness and wonder at the younger man, bustling around full of effervescent energy.

"Thanks, Barr. You're amazing," he reels him in close by his waist and gently kisses the icing off his nose.

Barry looks pleased with himself. "I am."

"You look like you're almost done." Oliver looks around regretfully.

"Yes, but you can still help me put the icing and sprinkles on the last batch. I know you love them, you lying health food freak!" Barry smirks and pushes the bowl of icing and bag of sprinkles at Oliver, who gladly takes off his coat and rolls up his sleeves.

"Laurel called and told me you'd be held up at work, so I ate and put the leftovers in the fridge for you." Barry continues moving fluidly around him with dancing movements, opening cupboards and tossing cutlery in the sink.

"That's good. I was afraid you'd have waited for me."

"Babe, I'm a speedster," Barry snorts. "I'd die if I waited for you to eat. This stomach waits for no man, sorry. Not even the one I love."

"Stomach first, man second," Oliver agrees. "I have always suspected this about you."

"Yes. I only love you cause you feed me," Barry nods. He attempts to scoop up some more icing with his finger only to be swatted away by Oliver. "Hey! That was my icing first!"

"And now its my icing and my doughnut," says Oliver sternly. "Keep those thieving hands to yourself, greedy."

Barry pouts injuredly at him. "The love, it has been rescinded."

Oliver tugs him close, smears icing on his lips and kisses him in answer. "Has it really?"

"Mmmm," Barry noses his ear, "and how was your day?" he inquires, wrapping his long manta ray arms around him and trapping him in his own t-shirt.

Oliver buries his face in his lover's hair and huffs. "I don't even want to talk to about it."

He feels Barry's shoulders slump. "Same," he whispers. "I only got through today so I could come home to you."

They hold each other close for a long moment before Barry breaks away. "How about we just not talk about anything serious and concentrate on William's doughnuts?"

"I'll focus on his doughnuts," Oliver leers playfully, letting his hand slide below his boyfriend's waist. "You were in the middle of something when I interrupted. Please continue."

"What?" Barry looks at him befuddled. "You're serious?"

"I'm the mayor, Barry. I'm always serious."

"You want me to dance for you? While you decorate doughnuts?"

"Yup." Oliver smirks and gooses his partner, making him yelp and wiggle away. "Entertain me, serf. Go on!"

Barry gapes at him and then, when he continues to look deadly serious, starts scrolling through the song menu, pouting. An evil grin suddenly comes over his face and -

"Friday night and the lights are loooow..."

Oliver instantly regrets everything. "Okay no wait, I take it back - Barry, no! You know what, you're fired. We're breaking up. Give me the remote."

Barry gleefully spins out of the way and continues singing. "YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN!" he yells at Oliver, who cringes in his soul.

"This is the corniest you have ever been in your life." Oliver informs him. Barry does an unrepentant shimmy in reply.

"DANCING QUEEN FEEL THE BEAT FROM THE TAMBOURINE OOOH-" Barry is cut off as a cloud of icing sugar explodes in his face. He blinks and sputters in disbelief.

"Oh, hell no!" he growls when his vision clears, lightning sparking in his eyes. "You're not getting away with that, Queen!"

Oliver meets his boyfriend's glare with a smirk and spins the icing spatula in his hand like a nunchuck. "Bring it, Allen!"

...

Later, Abba is still playing in a low hum in the background, and the two of them are lying much dishevelled on the kitchen island floor which is covered in various cake ingredients. Barry's t-shirt (or rather Oliver's) is rucked around his armpits and both their pants are shucked around their thighs.

Oliver falls back onto the sugar-covered floor with a sigh. "I can't believe I had sex with you after that," he groans. "That was the unsexiest thing I've ever seen."

"And yet," Barry grins smugly at the ceiling. "It's not my fault you're easy."

Oliver props his head on his elbow and turns to look at Barry pulling up his Spiderman pants. There is flour in his hair, his cheek and chin are smeared with batter and he's lost a sock. He sees Oliver staring at him.

"What?" Barry asks warily.

Oliver continues gazing at him like he's seeing him for the first time. "I just realized how absolutely awful everything is."

Barry blinks and looks around. "Um. I can clean this up in a minute-"

"It's not that."

"I didn't think Abba was that bad?" he tries, bewildered.

Oliver stands, pulling his pants up and helps Barry to his feet. He pulls the other man onto the sofa and seats himself opposite him on the coffee table, knees brushing against each other.

"Barry...this week has been awful," Oliver begins, letting his forehead drop wearily onto their clasped hands. "I'm a college drop out, I ran my family's company to the ground and now I'm trying to run a city when everyone knows Im not qualified. I try to look as though I know what I'm doing but I'm in over my head every day. Thea and Laurel are like my life rafts and Im still just keeping my head above water. Not to mention my night job -

The fatigue of settles into his bones but he ploughs on. "It's been five years and sometimes I feel like I didnt make the slightest bit of difference - no, let me say this - I feel like I'm only damming the flood every night and I'll never be able to stop being the vigilante or live a normal life. I have nightmares that this city will drain me of everything I am until I'm nothing but a shrivelled, bitter old man alone in the shadows with his bow.

"My kid is the one thing that's pure and completely good in my life but I've missed so much of his. I am so mad at Samantha and my Mom for that. But I can barely be there for him, or make his Little League games or bake sales. My parents made a lot of mistakes but at least they were there for me. I cant give even that much to my son because the city is taking everything I have. I'm failing him, Barry."

He only realizes his eyes are wet when Barry brushes the tears away with his thumbs, framing Oliver's face in his hands with an expression of infinite tenderness.

"Oliver," he leans their foreheads together and breathes his name into the space between.

"But that's not it." Oliver draws back, capturing Barry's hands in his own to look up at him, willing him to understand. "I just realized...everything in my life is completely awful - and I am so goddamn happy." He takes a shuddering breath through the lump in his throat and looks his boyfriend the eyes. "Marry me."

Barry looks stunned. "What?"

"Marry me."

Barry stares at him. "I just sang "Dancing Queen" at you and destroyed our kitchen."

"I know. You're awful. And so corny. You look ridiculous in my shirts. You eat so much sugar that watching you gives me toothache. You keep watching the same three musicals over and over when you cant sleep. It's like living with a five year old. I love you. Marry me."

"This is officially the weirdest marriage proposal ever," marvels Barry, still bemused. "I still don't understand where this is coming from. Is it because you had a bad day?"

"It's because I had a bad day," Oliver agrees, "and then I came home to you being...well, you. And then nothing else mattered."

Tears are now shining in Barry's beautiful eyes as well, clinging to his long lashes. "I love you too."

They fall forward into each other as Oliver crushes Barry to him. "Never leave," he pleads into his lover's neck, where the scent of vanilla and batter is spiced with that of ozone and storms. "Stay."

"Yes," Barry clutches him back just as fervently. "I will."

"You will?" He stills, daring to hope.

"Well, no," his boyfriend amends, pulling back. Oliver's face falls. "You have to do it properly."

Barry gestures imperiously at the floor as he looks on in bemusement. "Properly, Oliver," he says sternly and the light of understanding dawns.

"Ahem. Of course." Oliver pulls a mask of solemnity over the exhilaration surging within him. "I don't have a ring though -," he casts around and spots - "Ah, well this'll do."

He takes the one rainbow sprinkle doughnut he had managed to ice which has been miraculously spared the destruction and ceremonially places it on a napkin on his palm. Then he sinks down on one knee in front of his giggling boyfriend.

"Barry Allen," his laughter fades as Oliver looks at him over the colourful confection, heart open in his eyes. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes," the tears that have been shining in Barry's eyes spill over and he wipes them away hazily. "Yes, I will."

He graciously holds out his pinkie for Oliver to slide the doughnut on and bursts out laughing when they kiss. Barry pulls away and starts eating the cake off his finger.

"What are you doing?" exclaims Oliver. "You can't eat your engagement ring!"

"It's my ring," Barry informs him through a sweet mouthful. "I can do what I want."

"What about me? Aren't you gonna share with your fiancé?"

"Remember what I said about the stomach coming first - Oliver, no!" Barry falls off the sofa with a shout of laughter as Oliver lunges at him.

Hours later, the kitchen speed-cleaned, remaining doughnuts salvaged and safely stored, the two of them lie in bed, fed, showered and sated. They are tucked comfortably and tightly in each other's arms, like two neatly fitted pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. There is no ring but their fingers are entwined with each other's in silent promise.

"Barry?" Oliver murmurs into his fiancé's neck.

"Yeah, babe?" Barry nestles further into his arms sleepily.

"You know I love everything about you."

"So you say."

"But can you do something for me?"

"Hmm?"

"Please never mention that song again. Ever."

There is a contemplative silence.

"That's probably for the best."

The End