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zoyaofthegardvn · 1 year

Note

thank you for doing gods work for the gay girlies... my lil gay heart would explode if you did a "reader gets kidnapped/hurt & love interest goes feral" trope with zoya <33

A Mission Gone Wrong

A/N: One of my most favorite tropes! And Zoya is my fave book character ever, so I'm so glad you requested this! I'm here for the gay girlies always!!!! Hope this makes your little gay heart happy! :)

CW: Mentions of violence and torture, angst and drama, blood, death threats, actual death, fire, explosions, all that fun stuff. Def violent but in my opinion nothing is super graphic, but this is darker than the typical 'who did this to you' trope! So just be aware!

---

"Are you sure you don't want me to send anyone else with you?" Zoya's voice is pleading, near begging you to accept the offer.

Her concern is sweet, but maybe, a bit overbearing. You'd completed many diplomatic trips, investigations, missions of any sort on your own several times. As a Tidemaker, highly skilled in not just the Small Science, but combat too, and incredibly intelligent, you rarely ran into a situation you truly couldn't handle. Then again, since your marriage to the Queen of Ravka, you were hardly ever sent out to do anything even resembling a challenge.

You smile softly at Zoya, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her pouted lips. "Yes, my love, I think that one Inferni and one Squaller is more than enough," her face begins to contort in skepticism, and you playfully roll your eyes at her. "It will be fine, sweetheart, you worry too much."

She scoffs, as if what you'd just said was an offense. "Maybe I should go with you, it's the only way I'd worry less."

You run your hands up and down her arms, shaking your head at the comment. "And what would the heart of Ravka do without her Queen, Zoya?" She goes to protest, likely to tell you that you're more important, as she's said dozens of times, but you give her a warning look before she can speak up. "I'll be super careful, I always am. You're just stressed because it's the first time in a long time we'll be apart."

She gives you a long look, as if to say, yes, but not only will you be gone, you'll be hours away seeking out rogue and most likely hostile Grisha who don't realize they need your help.

You grin, reading her mind, yet you're still wholly unconcerned. It's been so long since you were out in the field, working intimately with the Grisha whom you've sworn to protect at all costs.

"Zoya, baby, I've done things like this several times, I'll only be gone for a few days, and that's if we even find anyone."

"Then why go? Why you? If there's a chance it won't even amount to anything, why do you have to go?"

You can't help the agitation beginning to grow. You sigh, heavily, and level a glare at her. "Because, this is what I'm good at. It's what I love to do. You know I love the Grisha, you know I'll help them as much as I can. Please, don't try to stop me from doing that."

Her eyes flutter down, and she grabs your hands, playing with the ring on your finger. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you aren't capable. And I wouldn't worry if I was accompanying you, the way that I used to."

You give her hands a squeeze. "I know that, Zoya, but we knew things were going to change when you became Queen."

She looks back up at you and smiles, though the discomfort is still evident on her face. "I know, I know. Just, please... promise me you'll be careful. You won't take unnecessary risks. You'll come home to me."

Your heart speeds up a bit, at the look on her face, the request she's made. "I promise, my love."

---

Hours later, you're atop a horse, riding along a dirt road. The two Grisha accompanying you, Nadine and Ilya, make small talk, inquiring about why the oppressed Grisha may be hostile towards any help you'll offer. You explain that because they've spent so long hiding what they can do, it's difficult to believe that post-war, they all have somewhere they can call home, somewhere they can learn and train. Their lack of education makes them dangerous, because their power is uncontrolled. Lack of control mixed with fear, hesitation, resentment, anger, even jealousy towards Grisha that haven't had to hide themselves since childhood can lead to explosive emotions, causing harm to anyone involved. They nod at everything you say, and eventually, the conversation dies down, and a comfortable silence follows the three of you.

Your thoughts begin to wander, thinking of how you'll approach any potential Grisha. There's been reports of physicians being able to remarkably heal life-threatening injuries in small towns, Healers. Reports of entire gardens and fields blooming back to life after years of lack of care and abandonment, Durasts. But this isn't what you're investigating, it isn't what truly concerns you. It's the reports of fires starting at random, wiping out villages and citizens in an uncontrollable blaze, Inferni. The reports of lakes and ponds suddenly flooding, wiping out travelers and livestock and crops, Tidemakers. The reports of storms occurring on an otherwise sunny and calm day, Squallers. These are the Grisha in most need of help, the ones that have to learn some sort of control before the public handles them themselves. You refuse to believe that they're truly malicious, just lacking any sort of guidance and outlet.

And then, eventually, your thoughts wander to her, your Zoya. You miss her, like a string tied to your heart, tugging you back the way you've came, hours away from home. Though you don't plan to be anymore than a day's ride from the palace, it's still difficult, being this far from her.

And the thought of Zoya makes your cheeks burn, remembering all the ways she said goodbye to you. Not just with her words, but her fingers, and mouth, and...

And then one of your partners is speaking to you. You shake your head, clearing your dirty thoughts, and look to your right where your companion is. "I'm sorry, I was a bit distracted, can you repeat that?"

Nadine, the Inferni, smiles, like she knows exactly what you're missing right about now. Or maybe, she's too worried she'll offend the Queen Consort. "I was just wondering if we should stop soon?" She glances down to a small map she's got clutched in her hands, "there's an inn up ahead, maybe another half hour ride? Then only a few more hours to the village we're needed in, after that."

You sigh, and give a tight nod, spurring your horse onward. You hadn't even noticed the sun had began to lower, painting the sky a red-orange haze. Truthfully, you wouldn't have minded continuing to the village, where reports of a possible Inferni had been made. But, you won't tire your companions out for your own selfish desire to get back home, to your wife.

The three of you continue towards the inn, and after another 15 minutes, your surroundings slowly look more village-esque. It's small, just a few houses littering the streets, a tavern. It's a commerce town, known for harvesting and trading out to bigger cities. Not many actually reside here, and anyone who does is a worker. It's not built for leisure. But, alarmingly, the place seems rather dry and dead. The grass is brown, the air feels... dusty. A few people in the streets give gentle nods, but they seem exhausted, clothes dirty and faces drawn tight. They recognize the three of you as Grisha due to your keftas, and while public opinion has mostly changed for the better, you can still sense some hesitation from them, some looking a bit worried about three Grisha coming to their little town, one they've surely worked hard to keep from becoming unneeded, one they've ensured people rely on through their trade.

But, what really stands out, is in the distance, there appears to be a large crater in the ground. A few people stand around it, speaking, likely the leadership figures in the town. One woman spots the three of you, and she waves you over.

Turning to your companions, Ilya, the Squaller, gives you a shrug, obviously curious about what's gone on here. Although it isn't the town you've been sent to investigate, something has clearly happened that is out of the ordinary. The three of you dismount and walk the rest of the way.

Before you reach the scene, the woman calls out, "More Grisha come to take from this town?" Her voice is hardened, her face in a scowl, but she doesn't seem to be telling you to leave.

When you get closer, you notice how deep the hole is. The area around it is absent of grass, though now, you suppose, it would be dead grass, and it proves what you had suspected, but dreaded. This was obviously a pond, or a lake, of some sort. And now, it's a dry, lifeless void.

You shake your head at the scene, and ask, "What happened? When?"

The woman, who you can now see is older, but a hard working woman, evident by the dirt on her skin, her messed hair, the muscles in her arms and the calluses on her hands, purses her lips and spits onto the dry ground. "Grisha, that's what happened. A few days ago."

Ilya, relatively new to these types of jobs, speaks up. "I'm sorry, that this happened. What else can you tell us?"

A young man, hardly out of his teens standing next to the old woman answers him. "Middle of the night. Woke everyone up. We all ran out of our houses, and there were these people..." he pauses, and his face screws up in disgust, "Grisha," he spits out, "killing our town."

The other villagers at the emptied lake nod their heads. So much for a good public opinion, you think.

The woman speaks again, "There were several of them, they emptied the lake. Just... picked it all up.. and.. carried it away. How is that even possible?" The last part doesn't seem directed at you, really, and your chest aches with empathy. "And then... there was another one. Th-they sucked the life out of everything. Look at it all! Dead and dry. There's no life here anymore."

Nadine speaks, "We're here because there's another town, farther south, that has supposedly been terrorized by a possible Inferni. We think it's a rogue Grisha, from Shu Han, that's fled the cities. Are you saying there are more rogues, ones closer than we thought?"

The woman nods, her face grim. "They've ruined everything. Our source of natural water... gone. We're the only town for miles. How will we survive, let alone trade anymore?"

And at that, your heart breaks. "I am so, so, so sorry this happened. We've been trying to find these Grisha, each time a new report crops up. It's our goal to find them, give them a home, train them. But this, this isn't just uncontrolled power. This was an attack, and I swear to you, they will be punished accordingly."

"And what does that do for us now?"

You flinch at her tone. "I'm a Tidemaker, and... the Queen, Zoya Nazyalsenky... she's my wife."

All of the people gathered at the empty lake pause, and stiffen. They stand up a bit straighter, their eyebrows raised. You always hate pulling that card, but in times like this, when it can be used as reassurance, you do it.

"As soon as we possibly can, we'll send Durasts, and Tidemakers, me included, Squallers, too, to bring water and life back to your town. I swear it. We won't let you be wiped away."

The old woman's face grows less concerned, but just a bit. "You're Y/N Y/L/N? The Queen Consort?"

You nod. "Yes, but please, just call me Y/N. I'm just here to help, however I can. That's all."

She sticks her hand out. "My name is Polina."

---

It turned out that Polina was the owner and operator of the inn, and her grandson was the young man you had also met, Alexei, was his name. Polina gave you and both of your companions rooms, and Alexei had given the three of you warm bowls of stew.

Before turning in for the evening, you had your Grisha meet with you in your room, to discuss how to proceed.

"I'm not sure we should even proceed to the next village. Truthfully, I think the reports were wrong."

Nadine nods, like she had also considered the possibility. Ilya's eyebrows raise, but he doesn't disagree. He says, "Do you think they were misunderstood, or lies, to throw us off?"

"I think that the Inferni either doesn't exist, or made themselves incredibly obvious to cover for the Tidemakers and Durasts that are apparently working together."

It isn't unusual for Grisha types to stick together, but it is for so many of them to be so malicious. It sends a chill down your spine.

"They've been working together a lot longer than we may even think. They seem organized, out of control, but organized," Nadine says. You nod in agreement, running a hand down your face from the stress.

"I think that our priority should be to help these people. I think we should head back, fulfill the promise we made by coming back with more Grisha. We help restore this town, and then travel onwards, with reinforcements. This is obviously more than the three of us intended to handle."

Ilya sighs. "What if they're destroying another village as we speak, what if they're at the village we had intended to go to, taking their water, killing their crops, too?"

Before you can respond, Nadine does. "The three of us won't be able to help them, not without more Tidemakers, more Squallers, and honestly, we'll need Healers and Heartrenders if this gets violent, and I suspect it will be, facing off with anyone willing to take water and food from an entire town."

You give her a nod of approval, proud of her logistical thinking skills and protectiveness of Ravkans. You make a mental note to urge Zoya to promote her sooner rather than later when you return home.

You send both Nadine and Ilya off to their rooms for a good night's sleep, as the three of you will return home at first light, eager to help this town before it's too late.

You turn down the lanterns of your room when they're gone, changing into a night gown and burrowing into your small bed. Though your brain is active with worries and unease, you eventually settle into a deep sleep, dreams of returning to Zoya there to greet you.

---

A harsh light is filling the room, and you awaken with a jump at a loud bang, several loud bangs, actually. Your eyes fly open, and immediately you see smoke filling the room. From the window, you can see the glow of a fire, and your door shakes with the force of someone trying to take it down.

"Y/N!" Nadine shouts from the other side, and you fly out of bed, ripping the door open with your face tucked into your elbow.

Her face is covered in soot, her eyes pinched shut from the smoke. "W-We have to g-" she cuts herself off, breaking into a violent coughing fit. A loud creak fills the space, and a wooden beam falls just feet behind you, setting your bed on fire.

"Where's Ilya?!" You ask, grabbing Nadine's arm and making a run for it. She's obviously been in the smoke more than you have, so you do most of the work, navigating the two of you down the burning hallway. You pass by Ilya's empty room and keep running, hoping he's waiting outside.

The two of you stumble down the stairs, the rail catching fire as you reach the landing, the both of you practically falling down the last flight.

Ahead, you can see flames licking closer towards the entrance, and you raise your hand, summoning what little water moisture hangs in the air to keep the doorframe from catching alight.

When the two of you burst out of the building, Nadine falls to the ground, clutching her chest and gagging from the coughs. You're disoriented, brain and vision fuzzy from the smoke, the heat, the adrenaline.

You look around, and faintly register that the entire town is burning. You want to scream in rage and despair, but your throat feels like it's on fire, and you break into a coughing fit. You try to find Ilya in the mess, but you don't see him, and instead, you're met with the vision of Alexei dragging Polina's body from the inn's entrance before finally, the entire thing is consumed by flames.

You land on your knees by Nadine, bracing a hand on her back, and attempt to scream out to Alexei to leave Polina, to move, before the entire thing collapses, before a sharp blow to the back of your head knocks you unconscious.

---

There's a throbbing pain in your temples, and it hurts to even move your eyes, but slowly, you peel them open. They're fuzzy for a few moments, and your ears are ringing, but eventually, you hone in on the sight of Nadine, across from you, out cold and tied to a chair. There's a gag in her mouth, and her hands are tight behind her back, her legs restrained to the legs of the chair.

Your eyes widen, but you can't move. You're restrained too, scream muffled by a gag similar to one used on Nadine shoved in your mouth. Your whole body hurts, you jerk and buck, trying to break the restrains, but they're tight, and it feels like you'd been given a thorough beating while you were under, as it hurts your ribs to even take a breath in. You can tell that your right eye is swollen, nearly entirely closed, and your lip is busted. You feel wetness dripping down your face, and you assume there's a cut, somewhere near your hairline.

Eventually, the sound of you struggling pulls Nadine awake, but the sound draws other attention, too.

A door swings open, and two men walk in, one carrying a lantern. The added light, provided by your kidnappers, provides more clarity on where you're being held.

It appears to be an empty, wooden structure. Some of the boards are loose, and through the cracks, you see a whole lot of nothing. There's light, bright enough that you can see that it's well into the next day, but not enough to really see inside of the place. If you had to guess, you're in the small barn, or shed, whatever the town called it, that you had passed by when you'd first arrived.

So, they hadn't taken you far at all, then.

Good, you thought, they're exhausted from all the magic they used tonight.

The man without the lantern steps between you and Nadine, a sinister smirk on his face. His fists are bloody and bruised, blood splattered on his white shirt. Nadine looks to you, an expression of rage on her face, and you can see that she's been beaten, too. Nadine, your closest Inferni friend, known for her red-hot rage.

Yes, you were angry, but you knew they should be terrified of Nadine.

And Ilya, he was nowhere to be seen. Though it stung to think he abandoned the two of you, you hoped it was just that, and that the fire hadn't claimed him, or worse, he had been killed by rogue Grisha, killed by the people he wanted to protect.

You snarled, as best as you could with your mouth gagged, when the man bent to be at eye-level with you.

"Well, when we lured the Grisha out here, we didn't expect to get the Queen Consort herself, but you won't hear me complaining." The man chuckled, his companion with the lantern joining in.

The comment confused you, none of the other rogue Grisha you'd encountered had ever been so malicious. Most of them wanted to be trained, wanted to stop wreaking havoc wherever they went. Most were grateful that there were people who cared enough to go find them, to take them in, rather than hunt, kill, or imprison them. There were the occasional Grisha who didn't like the idea of the Ravkan government knowing who they were, being at Ravka's whim, but mostly, they agreed to receive training in exchange for a life of peace and anonymity once they could be trusted with their power.

But this, this sheer, raw, hate and contempt, you'd never encountered it before. It terrified you.

He obviously noticed your confusion, and so he said, "Did you really think no one would realize what you've been doing? Forcing anyone with power into a life of servitude and restraint?" His eyes narrowed, and he smirked, like he'd caught you at something.

You bucked against the restraints again, and quicker than you could blink, he pulled a knife from his back pocket, holding it to your neck. You stilled at the threat, your breath coming out through your nose in sharp exhales.

"I won't let you do to them what you did to me," he hissed out, amusement turned to rage.

And then, it dawned you. This man specifically, he's not a rogue Grisha, no. He was raised in Ravka, taken to the Little Palace as a child to attend school, and then he defected.

It's rare, but it does happen. Some Grisha don't believe in balance of the Small Science, they don't believe in protection and using their powers for good. They're greedy, and power hungry, and view themselves as Gods.

Grisha aren't forced to serve, especially not under Zoya's rule, but there are the ones who view their education and the philosophy of Ravka has a restraint, a confine. They don't see it for the gift that it is, the necessity to keep not only the common man safe, but the Grisha, too. Small Science is a tricky thing, sensitive and delicate. Many rogue Grisha are found on the cusp of burn out. What you do, finding them, bringing them back, giving them a home, in many cases, it saves their life.

Clearly, this man has festered in his unappreciation and resentment for a long, long time.

He noticed the moment you figured it out.

"Yes, yes, that's right. While you were busying rallying up strays, I was busy finding the ones that don't want your charity. The ones that desire freedom and power, who won't give one up for the other."

You started shaking your head, tears of frustration welling, but he pressed the knife at your throat harder, your movements stopping at the feel of a prick at your neck, a small trickle of blood sliding down your throat.

Behind him, you could see Nadine struggling harder, her chair lifting off the ground a few times from the force of her efforts. Please, Nadine, don't give him any reason to hurt you, you thought, as admirable as your friend's efforts were, you had no doubts in your mind that this man was out to kill.

He snarled, whirling around to face her. "Stop moving, Grisha whore! Or I'll kill you first while the Queen here," he gestured behind himself, towards you, "gets to watch. Do you want that?"

Nadine, with a scowl on her face and likely a growl in her throat, shook her head 'no.'

The man, whose identity you still did not know, hummed. "Good girl."

The comment made you sick, bile bubbling in your throat. He had told Nadine, "I'll kill you first," meaning, he definitely had plans to kill both of you. You didn't know when, or how, and the panic began to curdle your stomach.

He glanced to his partner, still off to the side, lantern in hand. "Meet the others outside, take a few, spread out, look for anyone that fled during the fires. There can't be many left, but find them." The other man gives a sharp nod, sets the lantern on the ground, and leaves.

Then your captor turns to you, he smirks. "I have a few questions."

---

For hours, he questions you and Nadine. For hours, he punches you whenever he gets too frustrated, or holds his knife to your throats, or chokes you until you see stars. He pays no mind to your tears, Nadine's grunts and growls and snarls. Your gags are discarded on the ground, but the town is isolated, and no one hears a thing.

But, you're only just now entertaining the very real possibility that you'll never see Zoya again. You'll never come home to her, like you've always promised, and Zoya will forever be waiting for her wife to come back to her. It isn't the pain that you're in that makes you cry, no, it's the devastation that you will never see her again, the love of your life.

But, there is no chance that you'll give in. You won't tell him what he wants to know about the Grisha, the Little Palace, the Queen. Never would you compromise them. And so if it takes Zoya losing you, to keep her safe, so be it.

Your vision is blurry, eyes swollen, blood dripping from your mouth. Your entire body aches, it hurts to breathe. Dimly, you hear the man, who finally revealed his name to be Gregor, say, "I'm going to ask one final question, and then, you're both done."

Through the haze, you peer up at him, and spit a wad of blood at his feet. "I-I... will t-tell you... nothing."

He nods, like he was expecting it. The knife, for the millionth time it seems, is pulled from his back pocket. He flicks the blade out, and he stalks closer.

And then, in the matter of seconds, the entire space is dark.

He halts his movements, staring around the room curiously. It's like a curtain had been pulled around the barn, and the wind has picked up, whistling through the broken boards, gathering dust, whipping it around fiercely. The lantern goes out, and he grits out, "shit." He flicks his wrist, attempting to light it again, but the wind won't allow him.

A large clap of thunder makes him, you, and Nadine, who is hardly conscious, jump. A streak of lightning flares, and in the brief light, you can see Gregor's conviction falter. He casts you a long look, and then stalks towards the large wooden door, which is rattling from the force of the storm.

But before he reaches it, several screams ring out from outside. Instantly, there's a flurry of activity. The all too familiar sound of fighting is like music to your ears. You hear wind whipping around, bullets flying, water wooshing, fire igniting and soaring through the air, balls of flame creating streaks that you see fly by the structure.

Gregor looks terrified. And he should be. This isn't a few Grisha come to rescue you, no. It's the Second Army, led by Zoya Nazyalensky.

Though you can hardly see, can hardly move, can hardly think. You level a gaze at your captor, and send him a smile, it's toothy, bloody, and smug.

Rage takes over his features. He moves towards you, knife at his side, large strides carrying him closer towards you faster than you anticipated, but he doesn't make it far.

The doors to the barn fly open, breaking from their hinges. In the doorway stands her, your wife, Zoya. Never, in the all years you've known her, have you seen her look so furious.

She's mighty, and beautiful, and the relief that floods through you aches from how good it feels.

The scene that plays out behind her is vicious, but truthfully, it doesn't last long. Gregor never implied there was anyone else working with him that was trained and skilled. A fool, to do this work, while leaving the messiest players on the field. The Grisha Zoya had brought with her are cutting the rogues down with ease, showing no mercy.

And evidently, Zoya has no plans for mercy either.

"Step the fuck away from my wife." Her voice is cold, calculated. Her lip curls into a snarl, and you can see her trembling with the force of her rage. To others, her voice would sound alarmingly calm, but you can hear the unmasked terror in the tremor.

She doesn't look to you, but you know she wants to. Her gaze stays steady on Gregor, who stands halfway between you and her. He seems to genuinely consider her demand, for a moment. But then he grits his teeth, and tries to make a run for you. Briefly, so fast you think you may have imagined it, you see Zoya's eyes shift into those of the dragon.

You almost find Gregor's determination admirable, him thinking he could win against the most powerful Grisha alive. Almost.

Zoya's arm shoots up, her hand pushing forward, hardly breaking a sweat with the force she'd summoned to throw him. He hits the wall of the barn hard, and yet he tries to rise. Again, Zoya lifts him from the ground, throwing him against the wall with a sickening crunch. And yet again, Gregor, with broken and bruised limbs, attempts to rise. Zoya, like a predator toying with her prey, allows him to shakily brace himself on his hands and knees. She takes slow, measured steps forward. "What a pathetic excuse of a Grisha, such a waste of power," she sneers, and the jest hits him hard. He chokes blood, spits it out, and says, "you unworthy bitch." And, if you weren't currently holding onto life by a thread, and still tied up, you would've killed him yourself for that little comment. But Zoya merely clenches her fist, and she sucks the air right out of his lungs.

She continues moving forward, shielding you from the sight. Her face is clenched in fury, her fist shakes as she robs him of life. She holds, exactly like that, until Gregor's chokes are quiet whimpers, until he stops moving, stops twitching, and his eyes stare at her, lifeless.

Zoya doesn't pay him attention a second longer than necessary. Immediately, her rage contorts into worry, and her gaze shifts towards you.

"Y/N, oh saints..." Her voice cracks, her lower lip trembles, and she's launching herself at you.

"Zoya," you whisper, but it's gurgled and choked on blood and saliva. Tears leak from your eyes, streaking through the muck on your face.

Her hands are on you, something you never thought you'd feel again. They shake as she cuts through the bonds around your wrists. You wince at the ache in your shoulders and arms as you bring your hands in front of you, reaching out to stroke Zoya's face as she cuts the ties around your ankles. Your fingers tremble, you hardly have enough strength to graze her cheek. Once she frees your legs, she's gathering you in her arms, bringing you to her chest while she releases a sob into your hair.

She cries your name again, repeats of, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," but you pay it no mind. As much as you want her to hold you, you know you're not the most important thing right now.

You pull back, ignoring the sharp pain in your head and chest. You look up at her, into Zoya's heartbroken eyes, and give her a small smile. "N-Nadine, Zoya... h-help her..."

Her brows furrow, but she doesn't resist, knowing you'd never forgive her if she refused to save your friend, too.

She plants a kiss to your forehead, lips dry and trembling. With a last longing glance, she turns to Nadine, limp in her chair. Like she had done for you, she cuts through her bonds, and Tamar and Tolya come rushing through the broken doorway. They survey the space, anger and shock clear on their face. Tamar makes for you, and Tolya rushes to help Zoya with Nadine.

When she's free, Zoya has him take Nadine in her arms and leave, likely to find an available healer.

Don't let it be too late, please, let her live. The concern almost hurts more than any of the physical torture you'd endured.

Tamar stands you on your feet, but you don't make it far before Zoya's returning to your side, again, bringing you into her embrace. Tamar backs off, giving the two of you space.

"I'll go find a healer for her, somewhere to lay her down while they work."

Zoya doesn't respond, but you feel her nod.

She wraps one arm around your back, the other cradling her head. "My love, can you walk?"

You give her a weak nod, exhaustion beginning to take over, and you know you won't be conscious much longer. You try to take a step, but your knees buckle, and Zoya's immediately scooping you up, the arm around your back taking your weight as the other grabs you from behind your knees.

You don't even have the energy to assure her that you're fine, and besides, Zoya's already making for the exit, her steps hurried and frantic. Again, she's apologizing, you can hear that faintly. You want to tell her it's okay, that nothing is her fault, but your tongue feels thick and your mind feels foggy. You register that you're outside of the barn when the light hits your eyes, the storm Zoya summoned clearly over now that she has you in her grasp. You squeeze them shut despite the pain from the bruising, and you slowly fall under to the sound of Zoya calling your name.

---

When you come to, you're immediately confused. Opening your eyes is hard, and even as they flutter open, it's difficult to see. The pain you're in, that's clear, but you aren't exactly sure where you're at. Things are coming back to you in flashes, bits and pieces. The village, Polina, the fires, the barn, the abuse, Zoya.

There's pressure on your arm, and with a groan, you turn your head to look to your left. There, your wife rests her head on the cot you now notice you're laying on. She looks sad, and exhausted, and you want to brush her hair back from her face but she's got her hand in yours, her forehead rested against your forearm. You admire her for a moment, swallowing thickly, your throat dry and croaky. You notice that many of your cuts and injuries had been healed as well as possible, but many had been too much for healers to erase entirely. Mostly, bruises are left, but all of the soreness, the ache and sharp pains, remain. You can see that you'd been wiped down, your skin not so dirty and bloody as it had been. Settling into your thoughts, you can tell that you're undressed, bandages around your middle, others in various places across your arms and legs.

You bring the hand that Zoya does not occupy to your face, and notice a bandage around the wrist, likely where you'd struggled against the binds, tearing into your skin. You brush hair from your forehead, and wince at the nasty cut your fingers skim. The movement shoots an ache through your back, ribs, and temples, and the jostle rouses Zoya, which you had not intended. Truthfully, you knew she needed rest, and she was just so pretty while she slept.

Her head flies up, and she blinks the sleep from her eyes, her gaze settling on you once she remembers where she's at. Her blue eyes widen, and she breathes your name in a sigh of relief. She scoots closer, and holds your face in her hands.

"You're awake," she whispers, like she worried you never would be.

You give her a weak smile, and she tries to return it, but she fails. Her eyes well with tears again, and she can't control the sob that bursts out of her.

"Zoya," your voice is hoarse, "don't cry, baby, I'm alright."

She huffs a laugh, but it's humorless and bitter. "You are certainly not alright."

She reaches down, and picks up a glass of water that had been next to the cot. She cradles the back of your head, lifting it gently while bringing the glass to your lips. She pours it into your mouth slowly, the fresh water is an instant relief. You drink eagerly, and she pulls back. "Slow down, my love, you'll choke."

She helps you take a few more sips until you stop, satisfied and feeling more awake. Your head meets the pillow again, and you lick your lips with the newly provided moisture.

She sets the glass down, and you watch her closely, her face pinched, a few tears leaking from her eyes.

"Zoya, please, I'm okay. Sore, but I'm okay."

She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. "Y/N, you were nearly dead when I found you."

"Zoya..."

"Nearly dead!" She bites out, turning to face you.

You flinch at her tone, and she sighs. "Nearly dead, Y/N, if I had been seconds later..."

"But you weren't, you saved me, you saved Nadine..." Your voice trails off, and Zoya senses the question. She nods softly, "Nadine is okay, I think she woke up an hour or so ago."

You sigh in relief. "H-How long have I been out?"

She shrugs, "I'm not completely sure. I haven't been paying much attention to the time, I haven't left your side. I haven't gone outside. It may have been a couple of hours, or days, I wouldn't know. I didn't leave you."

She sounds like she's reassuring herself, not you. Your heart aches for her, at how dedicated her love is. "I don't doubt it, Zoya."

She nods, and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand. She goes to speak, but you know Zoya all too well, know what she's about to say. You beat her to it. "Zoya, nothing that happened is your fault."

She scoffs, shaking her head.

"Zoya, I mean it. Even I hadn't anticipated this, not Nadine, not Ilya, none of us. And speaking of... is Ilya..."

"He's the one that alerted us. He was awake, when they set the inn on fire, he left and came straight back home."

You nod, relieved that he had made it out, thankful that he had done exactly as you taught him. Never engage with a threat out of your range, always get backup.

"I was so, so terrified when he got there, when he told us what happened."

"Sweetheart..." You reach for her hand, holding it tight,

"It was the middle of the night. I woke up to Tolya banging on my door, telling me something had happened, that you'd been attacked," her voice cracks, and you squeeze her hand. "All I could think about is how I was going to lose you, how I was a fool for letting you go, that I had let you leave and I was going to pay for it. I felt like I was going to be sick. I left immediately, the best of the Second Army with me. I-I thought I wouldn't get in here time, or I'd arrive and you'd have been... long dead. That somehow you would have died, been taken from me, and I wouldn't have known."

You shake your head, tears of your own threatening to spill. "Zoya, no. Stop thinking that way. You didn't let me leave, I'm a grown woman, with a duty to Ravka and the Grisha, if it's anyone's fau-"

"And look what that duty did to you!" She emphasizes 'duty' like it's a curse, leveling her gaze at you. Zoya, when upset, when frightened, masks it with anger. You know that, and so you don't take it to heart.

"Zoya, this doesn't need to be a fight. You know that I love my job. And you know, better than anyone, that what we've done has done far more good for the Grisha than bad. You can't let one incident change that."

"Incident?" She looks at you like you've grown three heads, her tears falling quickly now, distorting her voice. "You were nearly killed!"

"Yes, I was, but I survived, because of you."

"Look at you, Y/N... bruised, bloody. You can't even hold your own head up!"

Yes, it's true, you've never been this injured before, especially in front of Zoya. And you know that if the roles were reversed, if it was you waiting at Zoya's bedside, terrified she may not wake up, you'd be distraught. You aren't denying your wife's terror, but you do wish she wouldn't let it manifest into anger, into self-loathing.

You sigh, trying to keep the frustration at bay. "Zoya," your tone is sharp, "I am so, so sorry you had to see me like this. But I won't give up my job for it."

She shakes her head and looks down at your interlaced hands. "I didn't mean to start a fight, I'm sorry."

"I know, baby, it's alright." You squeeze her hand again, in an attempt to get her to look at you, but she doesn't.

"But, I can't let you go out again, n-not... not for a while."

"Zoy-"

"No, Y/N, please, just listen." Finally, she reconnects her gaze with yours.

"Clearly, something went very, very wrong." You nod your head, because yes, something went terribly wrong. "I don't know yet if it was just simple misinformation, or if someone, one of our soldiers in the field, deliberately falsified intel in order to lure you or I out, away from the palace, away from protection."

Truthfully, you hadn't considered that. It's difficult for you to fathom any of the Grisha wanting to harm one another. But your love for them isn't a universal sentiment.

You swallow thickly, but you don't interrupt.

"I am going to find out, though, Y/N. I swear it." Zoya's voice is a dangerously calm whisper, her tone sharp. "I won't stop until I find every single person responsible for this, whoever did this to you, they're going to pay." It isn't just a statement, it's a promise.

"So some escaped, then? They fled?"

Zoya flinches, as if she blames herself for anyone who had harmed you escaping her wrath. "Yes. When we arrived... it was like Hell broke loose. So much fighting, everywhere, across the whole town. So, yes, some of them... managed to escape. I'm sorry."

"Zoya, no, please, don't be sorry for anything. None of us really knew the extent of what was happening."

She nods, firm and absolute. Her eyes narrow as she looks at you. "Now do you understand why this has to end, these rescue missions? At least until we have a better understanding of what these rogues are capable of, what they want to accomplish?"

Ahhh, you thought, she doesn't know that Gregor, the man she killed, wasn't a rogue. He was one of our own. I'll tell her later, let her worry later, she's been terrified enough.

"Yes, my love, I do. I respect your wishes, you know that. I won't go out into the field for a while, but I won't quit this. If there's an investigation to launch, I want in."

She rolls her eyes, though it's playful. "Yes, yes, I figured you would."

You grin, and reach for her face, cupping her cheek. "I love you, Zoya. Thank you, for saving me."

She turns, placing a kiss in the palm of your hand. Then she leans forward, careful of your split and swollen lip, and places a kiss there, too. "I love you, Y/N, more than anything."

---

It isn't for another few days that you're able to be moved. During the first two days, Zoya fills you in on all of the details you were unaware of as you'd been held hostage. You learn that nearly every building, every home, every business, had burned, save for a lucky few. Many had died, but not all of them. Healers were able to bring many people back from the brink of death, and soothe any minor injuries sustained. Zoya told you the village people are resilient, and thankful towards the Grisha that had come so fiercely to save them.

You learn that while Alexei had lived, surviving minor burns and scrapes, Polina had died, her injuries far too grave. Zoya held you while you cried through the sadness and guilt, and she swore to you that Grisha would be stationed in the village to help them rebuild. They were already developing a plan to return water to the lake, and they would continue to provide financial support while the town reestablished its commerce. And while you knew that Zoya would never, ever, back down on that promise, you still felt miserable that it was one that even had to be made. Polina, a hard working woman, that earned everything she had, that loved her town, would never see it restored, all because you had stopped to stay at her little inn. The tears came often, and Zoya wiped them away each time.

On the third day, Zoya helped you sit up. She'd been babying you, but you couldn't complain, secretly adoring when she dotes on you. You insisted that you could stand, too, and walk around. While she wasn't too fond of that idea, she delicately wrapped her arm around you and supported you as you left the little healer's tent you'd been staying in.

You were able to finally see Nadine, and Ilya, who volunteered to be one of the Grisha that stayed behind. Nadine was promptly promoted for her intellect and, as you recalled her growls and efforts to resist Gregor, for her passion. Just as injured as you, you two weren't able to embrace much, but you did tell her how proud of her you are, and how thankful that she'll be going home, too. Though, if there was anyone more eager than you to keep working, it was Nadine, and because she isn't married to the Queen, there isn't anyone to really stop her. Ilya tried to apologize for leaving, for not trying to find the both of you first, but you quickly shushed him, telling him he had done everything right. And, you supposed he had a bright future ahead of him, seeing as Zoya was incredibly thankful to him for his swiftness.

On the fourth day, you finally convinced Zoya that it was time to go home, and that you'd survive the journey. Every night, she'd been applying ointments and medicines to your cuts and scrapes, hand feeding you food and water. She'd get a wet wash cloth and wipe your skin, due to absence of a bathing room. Every morning she'd brush out your hair and braid it, to prevent knots. She rarely left your side, only budging when the Grisha needed guidance and direction. She slept on your cot with you, declining to have her own, claiming, "I don't think I'll ever be close enough to you anymore."

A few members of the Second Army that were to return to the palace, Nadine included, sat on their saddled horses waiting for you and Zoya to join them. Zoya, ever the dramatic, had added blankets and such to your horse, for comfort. She even made a Fabrikator attach buckles to your saddle, because she was worried that if you weren't strapped in, you'd fall off.

She lifts you with ease, putting you on top of your mount, and making sure you're secure before she climbs atop her own. The trip, while able to be made in a day, was to be split into two, for your and Nadine's sakes.

Zoya sends everyone to ride a few paces ahead, so that she can trail closely next to you. You giggle at her protectiveness, but your heart swells at just how perfect of a wife she is.

Zoya watches you, noticing how every so often, you glance back at the ruins of the village you're leaving behind.

"We'll come back, love."

You shoot her a confused glance. "We will?"

She nods, she smiles, and she sighs. "I know you won't stop thinking about this place, won't stop worrying. When they've rebuilt some, and they're back on their feet, you and I will come back, we'll help with the finishing touches."

You could cry at how well Zoya knows you, how she'd do anything to make you happy and satisfied, including travel back to a village, one any other royal would have written off as insignificant and unimportant, one that is now a source of trauma, maybe even more so for her than you.

"I would love that, Zoya, thank you. I love you, so much."

She smiles, and her cheeks grow a bit pink at the sheer adoration in your voice.

"I love you, too."

---

A/N: WOW! I made this a hell of a lot longer than I had originally intended lol. I hope you liked it, anon! And thanks so much for requesting!

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thegeekyartist · 2 months

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If you're missing the boops and still feeling the love, I'm IKeepForgettingMyLines on AO3 and would love to wake up to one of those beautiful kudos/comment emails ✨✨

I've written a whole bunch of wwdits fics, including several multi-chapter AUs, and also have a handful of sweet and romantic Good Omens fics. Some of my faves:

The Big Bloody Bake Off - wwdits - 75k - T

Guillermo De La Cruz and Nandor “The Relentless” are two intense hobbyist bakers, facing off against each other and five other (not quite as) passionate and culinarily-inclined locals in a fierce competition (aired on local cable TV, no less). After a full week of baking challenges, they’ll see who among them can make the most crave-able confectioneries themed around the spookiest season.

Will the heat of the kitchen prove too much for our competitors? Will affection bloom between bakers as they hash out rivalries in between rounds of baking cookies? Will our hosts manage to stop flirting long enough to interview even a single contender? All this and more, in The Big Bloody Bake Off!

Whatever You Wish For You Keep - wwdits - 65k (finished except for epilogue) - M

Nandor the Relentless has been trapped serving as ward to Lilith and Simon the Devious since the death of his friend and mentor, The Baron, years ago. Long gone are the nights of leading the Vampiric Council and peaceful meetings with friends - his time is now spent accomplishing whatever excruciating tasks have been given to him by his captors.

Years of cruelty and unjust punishment have left Nandor feeling hopeless, doomed to live a tortured and lonely existence for all eternity. Could a chance meeting in the woods with a handsome stranger be just the push he needs to finally escape their clutches for good?

Could all of his wishes for a better life finally come true?

Work in Progress - gomens - 5.7k - T

Hoping to mend fences after their meeting in 1967, Crowley takes Aziraphale to the Musée d’Orsay for an afternoon of art appreciation and reminiscing. They find themselves addressing the reasons why artists create, and accepting that even the harshest realities can be deserving of an artist's practiced hand.

(Part of the Good Omens Minisode Minibang 2024!)

Tomorrow's Your Home at the End of the Day - gomens - 6.7k - T

Now that he's no longer working for Hell, Crowley finds himself (quite literally) forced to move out of his flat. Homeless and angry, Crowley goes to the only place he knows he'll be welcomed - Aziraphale's bookshop.

#wwdits #good omens #good omens fic #wwdits fic #fic writing #gomens #boop

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metanoiamorii · 3 years

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Wip Re-Introduction: A Rope In Hand

❛Horror is like a serpent; always shedding its skin, always changing. And it will always come back. It can’t be hidden away like the guilty secrets we try to keep in our subconscious.❜

♧ Title: A Rope In Hand [ARIH]

♧ Status: First Drafting

♧ Point of View: Third Person, flexible between a few

♧ Genre: Dark Fantasy, Supernatural, LGBTQ+, Action, Drama

♧ Warnings: This story revolves around the occult. There will be talk of witch hunts and trials and cults. There will be torture methods used to gain confessions, and these methods will be justified under religious belief. There will be toxic and abusive relationships, particularly family; finding an escape from them, and healing from the trauma. There will be homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, and colonization. There will be major character deaths, but I can spoil after the book ends the main characters do get a happy ending. Each chapter and scene posted will have personalized warnings, but these are the main things to expect.

♧ Featuring: The majority of the characters will be LGBTQ+, from pansexual, homosexual, to asexual; genderfluid, agender/nonbinary, and transgender. Each character is complex and morally grey. Yes, they will do things that are blatantly terrible, or actively good. Overall, they will be morally grey and questionable at best. There will be complex world-building, from both the universe it takes place in, and the religious pantheons brought up. The religions brought up will be polytheistic and animism-themed. The romance between the major characters will be slow-burn enemies to friend to lovers, and them learning to love themselves through one another. There will be an exploration on generational healing, and unlearning toxic, and bias believes.

♧ Setting: The setting is influenced by Victorian London, and Medieval Ireland. There will be mention of other places, primarily western Europe, the Ottoman Empire, Ancient Rome, Eastern Asia, and Napoleonic France.

♧ Synopsis:

In the town of Arkaley, in the northwest of the Duchy of Ruairc, the people have been plagued by bad fortune and crime. Attacks of bandits on the road, raids from pirates on the shores, untimely deaths of children and young women, elected officials coming out corrupt; there is no end in Arkaley of the suffering the locals endure.

Rationally, to explain such a bad string of luck, there is only one possible explanation: Witchcraft.

The Duchy of Ruairc already has a history of witchcraft: the Ó Ruaircs turned out to be witches, the Abondé incident in Salem, the Liathain incident in Trakee; the Ruaircs have their record. Perfectly acceptable for everyone to assume the worse of the Ruairish, as they have proved to be nothing but.

To prove his worth, the young Reverend Prudence Clemency Frye, takes up the task of quelling this coven of witches and heading this witch-hunt. Young and naïve, witch only knowledge from books and little hands-on experience, he’s unprepared for this challenge. When he finally leaves the town, well… everyone would rather put this incident behind them.

♧ Tease:

My darling dear, a knave so clear

You appear, so bravely near;

Do you hear my darling dear, sneers of austere jeers?

Behave, my dear, when I am near;

For peers will lear, in their fear,

Allow me o' dear our persevere

So my fave you appear

And volunteer a slave so dear

in an atmosphere we fear.

my darling dear, wave so clear

Depravely as we leave, and give a souvenir;

My lips to yours, as you crave in these fallin' years.

Be brave darling dear, and give into hearts o' queer.

For mine you be, your darling dear,

To the stars you have swore in love, so crystal clear.

My peers shall sneer, but whore I be, and you I crave

Oh so bare. slurs and glares, just listen to my prayers.

Kiss me love, and leave o'they to a'crave

In this atmosphere that we fear

Their own, o' pure, knave so dear.

♧ Excerpt:

".... This is wrong." Prudence finds the words slipping from his lips, voice a quiet whisper; a breathless tone of voice. He allows his fingertips to falter against scarred skin, watching as Mastema turned his cheek, he pressed himself into the palm of Prudence's hand. Eyes closed, a smile curled on his face. Prudence couldn't help but smile at the scene, but slowly, slowly, slowly, he rescinded his hand; breaking the hold.

"Revered..." Matching his voice, Mastema replied. Maintaining such a soft voice, as he shifted himself forward on the bed. One foot to the ground, the other drawn beneath himself. Over Prudence he leaned, resting one palm to the sheets, the other lifting to seize Prudence's hand before he could recoil back. "You have made me feel something in which I've never felt before..."

From where he laid, Prudence could only form a soft frown. He knew he could draw his hand back, the grip was far from tight. But he didn't. He laid there, allowing Mastema to hold his hand. "... This is wrong, Mastema."

Mastema frowned; he matched the reaction Prudence wore. Through it, he forced a half-smile, tightening his grip on the other's hand, and forward he brought Prudence's hands to kiss the knuckles. "... If this is wrong, I do not wish to be right."

At the response, Prudence shook his head. "It is not for us to be right or wrong, the gods—"

At the angle he sat, Mastema shifted once more. He dropped Prudence's hand, to lean forward; to lean in close. Both of his palms found the other's cheek, as he touched their foreheads to one another. "... Do not force your will onto another." In that soft whisper, he spoke. Eyes closed, breath drawn in. "Is that not a Commandment of our Creator?"

"I..." Prudence faltered. In, he drew his breath, to try to steady himself. "... I did not take you for the religious sorts."

"I'm not." Mastema all too quickly retorted. But as he was, he laid; this proximity. "But you are."

♧ Characters:

The Order of Witchesbane

Prudence Clemency Frye; The Reverend

Half Fae/Half Human • Intersex • Genderfluid • He/They • Homosexual • Homo-demiromantic

The bastard son of Lord Zachariah Frye. Raised by his father, with his mother dying young, he took to following in his footsteps. He became a religious young man and an active witch-hunter. A part of him desires his father’s acceptance, his praises; the other part despises his father and everything the man stands for. In recent years, he has joined the De La Cruz household, becoming an apprentice beneath the famous Witch’s Advocate; upholding the beliefs that not every witch is evil and has foul intentions, and the ones that mean harm are the only ones that should be hunted.

Zachariah Frye; The Bloodhound

Human • Male • He/Him • Bicurious • Aromantic

The oldest living member of the Order. Now he is the man that holds the face of the Order, who you think of when they come to mind. Cold. Vindictive. Despotic. Violent. He is not a good man. He is firm in his beliefs and stubborn to change. Once his mind is made up, he cannot be reasoned with. He is blindly convinced of his beliefs and his cause to eradicate every living witch, unfazed if he has to fill a few innocent thousands in the process.

Calisto Ferzan Hermengildo Melchior Lorencio De La Cruz; The Witch’s Advocate

Half Fae/Half Human • Amab • Nonbinary • Genderfluid • He/They • Asexual • Aromantic

A witch-hunter in title alone, Calisto has been making enemies since he could first talk. He’s always enjoyed being the underdog, going against the expectations of society, being ridiculed by his peers. The sole reason? Proving them wrong. To ridicule his own peers for their outdated beliefs, he’s taken to defending witches, proving them innocent of their ‘crimes’, and going on to help them to set up a life in a country more accepting of witchcraft

The servant of Calisto, never seen far from his side. He is a servant in name alone and is more-or-less an assassin, a hitman for Calisto. Held in contempt by Athylian society for being a foreigner, he often treated by others more as a slave than a servant. To help be unseen, to help the De La Cruz Household, Michelotto endures the treatment and goes as far to be perceived as ignorant, alongside him being born a mute. Keeping his true intents and intelligence duly guarded, only a handful are aware he is also a witch.

Myk'loumihr [Michelotto Dougal] Siavash; The Man-Servant

Witch; Amab • Agender • He/They • Asexual • Aromantic

Austin Duvine; The Lord Without A Ring

Half-Human/Half Fae • Amab • Nonbinary • He/They • Pansexual • Demiromantic

One of the younger members of the order, Austin relies on his father's wealth and name. He doesn't care for responsibilities, he doesn't care for hard work. He's a playboy at heart. He's fit to hold social events, and use his natural talent to gib and fib his way through life. He'll keep his mixed feelings to himself, struggling with doing the right thing or upholding tradition.

Alistair Lavine; The Witchfinder General

Human • Amab • Agender • He/They • Bicurious • Aromantic

The best friend to Zachariah and his right hand. Where Zachariah is business and lacks charms, Alistair can charm a crowd and hold their attention. He knows how to feign being an ideal human, without letting on his own bloodlust; he's a monster in human skin. At the end of the day, unlike Zachariah, Alistair does have morals and standards he will abide by, even if they come back to ruin him.

━━━━━━━━━━

The Vakari Coven

Ausrine Baoghal; The Lady

Witch • Female • She/Her • Bisexual • Aromantic

The woman in charge of the town, widowed and inheriting the right to rule as her husband had no heirs. She is a manipulative and dangerous woman, eager to commit any sin or crime for more power. She, in truth, cares only for herself and would feel no remorse if she had to turn on one of her coven to further her own agenda.

The magistrate and also the chief policeman of the town. He maintains a calm, but manipulative personality. As a front, he presents himself to be fair and just, liked and favored by the people for genuinely caring for them. While in truth he has his own heinous and sinister agenda, aiding Ausrine in her plans.

Leary O'Laoghaire; The Magistrate

Witch • Male • He/Him • Bicurious • Aromantic

The oldest member of the coven, Dairine lives under the guise of an elderly woman, who lives alone with her children and grandchildren already leaving her to live their own lives. She is a kind and understanding woman and cares for the younger witches in the coven. She will not support Baríon with her agenda, nor does she care for the servant girl, she even despises the so-called ally Ausrine claims to have and who they all adhere to.

Dairine Ó Séaghdha; The Crone

Witch • Afab • Agender • She/They • Asexual • Aromantic

The acting servant of Barion, Anisha’s true loyalties lie elsewhere. She stays within the town, serving the coven while acting as the eyes and ears of someone, the person who is truly pulling the strings. She is the one to relay information and letters between the coven and her master. She is a quiet woman, that keeps her head down and her mind to herself. She only shows her true, confident and demanding, nature behind closed doors with the coven when they dare to question her.

Anisha Kaur; The Servant

Witch • Afab • Demigirl • She/They • Asexual • Aromantic

The charming son of Leary. Many whisper that is part fae, due to his charm, if it’s true or not many are unaware. He is a very sophisticated young man, that has managed to wrap the entire town around his finger. While on the surface he is alike his father is a caring, compassionate, charming young man, something sinister brews beneath. He is devious, demanding, domineering.

Nathir O'Laoghaire; The Magistrate’s Son

Half-Witch/Half-Fae • Amab • Agender • He/Him • Bisexual • Aromantic

Being the baker's daughter, Liannah helps around the bakery and family business. Unlike the company she keeps, she is a reserved young woman. She is polite and maintains her manners with whomever she is dealing with. She has the patience of a saint and rarely loses her cool. Liannah is a woman with a calm demeanor about her, being a woman many are comfortable around due to her peaceful and calm aura.

Liannah Ó Buachalla; The Baker’s Daughter

Witch • Afab • Genderfluid • She/They • Asexual • Panromantic

Ausrine's bastard son she had with a spirit she bargained with for more power. Since he was young, he was raised by the servants of the house, and the coven, over his own mother; the two have more of a business relationship over a family one. Since he cares less about what his mother does, he spends his time with Liannah and Reyes, either at the bakery or getting into trouble somewhere. With Reyes as an influence, Mastema is a flirtatious man that enjoys scandals and making the most of life

Mastema Baoghal; The Knave

Half-Witch/Half-Spirit • Amab • Genderfluid • He/They • Pansexual • Demiromantic

Rochan Misra; The Charlatan

Half-Witch/Half-Spirit • Amab • Queer • He/She • Pansexual • Aromantic

A foreigner to the Coven, born and raised in the Duchy of Incali. At a young age, he became a traveling charlatan, recently settling within the coven only as he befriended Liannah and Mastema and enjoyed their company. Now, he is the local bad influence: scamming locals out of their money at the taverns, wooing and seducing young men and ladies alike, always trespassing and vandalizing something. He is trouble but has a heart of gold when it matters.

ARIH: : @hekat-ie, @writings-of-a-narwhal, @silent-creed

━━━━━━━━━━

Taglist:

General: @endlesshourglass, @writerray, @poore-choice-of-words, @alexwritesfiction, @primusesgiantmetalballbearings

Both: @cecilsstorycorner, @little-boats-on-a-lake, @hazard-writes, @egg-shark

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yinxinglim · 3 years

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Fantasy book review [Baru Cormorant 1-3] [The Masquerade Series] - F/F poc MC, M/M & NB rep

[image: Ebook cover images of the Masquerade series books 1-3 by Seth Dickinson (The Traitor Baru Cormorant, The Monster Baru Cormorant, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant)]

A rollercoaster of potentially deadly sapphic yearning

An epic fantasy, anti-imperialist, political, lesbian poc protagonist, gritty, thoughtful and thought-provoking unfinished 4 book series (book 3 was published 2020) by Seth Dickinson.

CW for this series: references to colonialism; racism; cruelty/death to queer ppl incl. trans, non-binary & poly people; torture; death; animal death; sexual assault (never on the page and not against MC); swearing; abortion; non-consensual medical procedures; body horror; child abuse; child death; drug use; alcoholism; cancer; deadly pandemic. Violence imo is never gratuitous nor excessively gory; racism and other slurs are challenged at some point by the text. YMMV. Sorry if I’ve missed something.

I first added this book to my TBR because people said it was about a public servant lesbian accountant.

This is the truth. You will know because it hurts.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant

That’s the promise that The Traitor Baru Cormorant, Book 1 in this unfinished quartet, gives you on its first page. It’s tempting to assume the 'it hurts' part is just marketing hype trying to drive up the tension of the final act, but I can assure you it’s not.

tl;dr

I 100% recommend these books to fantasy readers who are ok with the content warnings.

This series goes from buying you dinner where you exchange sexually charged barbs but then escalates to surgically removing and filleting your heart.

The end of the third book puts you back together and cracks terrible and wonderful jokes whilst it sutures up the numerous incision points it’s made in your body.

Get to the third book. Get to the aftercare. That’s all I can say for those of you still hurting from Traitor.

And if you haven't read Traitor yet, try to avoid spoilers until the very last page, if you can.

Tropes and queer rep:

Most main characters are poc and queer

The main character is a total lesbian and she’s an adorable trainwreck of moral ambiguity

Soooo many women who are aggressively competent, including the MC

So many potential love interests, and almost every one has an enemies to lovers vibe. Any one of them could kill her. Any one of them could kiss her! It’s a rollercoaster of potentially deadly sapphic yearning. My fave, ngl.

Problematic power imbalances in almost every relationship, platonic and otherwise

Economics/fiscal policy implementation as the protagonist’s special power

A book 1 sword duel which was just perfection

A major pov character in Books 2 and 3 is a non-binary leader/diplomat using they/them pronouns

Several important side characters are mlm, though they don’t get as much screen time

Several cultures, including Baru’s birth culture practise some kind of poly and accept non-binary people

Several cultures define gender based on behaviour

A complex world that feels steeped in history and research.

The political stuff reminded me of Octavia E. Butler’s works and the horribly repressed, self-loathing genuis useless lesbian reminded me a little of Harrowhark Nonagesimus.

Overview

The Masquerade quartet follows Baru Cormorant, a girl with two fathers and one mother, whose home island gets quietly colonised by the Evil Empire. As a young child she joins the new school on her island built by the Empire, to learn where its power comes from so that she can successfully assimilate into its command structure and take it down from within.

This is a series about power, agency, systemic oppression, and intersections with race, privilege, sexuality and gender. But it’s also an intriguing, compelling and ultimately compassionate read about a young marginalised woman’s rise to power.

While these are serious topics, none of them were handled in a didactic way imo–these themes arise naturally from the narrative frame, and I never felt preached to or that the fourth wall was being broken to make a point. We also never have to suffer an undiluted pov from an Empire native, so every single imperialist statement is filtered through an outsider’s lens and challenged by the text.

Baru

When this is finished, I will remake the world so that no woman will ever have to do this again.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant

Some people find it hard to love Baru. I am not one of those people.

It’s hard not to love someone so fierce in their conviction. Yes, she does terrible things. Almost everyone in this series does terrible things? But I identify with her so hard. Her charming but then at times absolutely groan-inducing flirting game. Her violently suppressed sapphic yearning. Her earnest love of trade, numbers, and economic patterns (oh Himu, please let us have more numerate lesbians). Even her horrific self-destructive behaviour and self-flagellation are so, so relatable.

I really have to admire a girl who would do almost anything to get what she wants.

The Love Interest

“A people can only bear the lash so long in silence. Some things are not worth being within.”

The Traitor Baru Cormorant

She’s Baru’s moral compass, a delightful and remorseless rake, a duchess whose sense of nobility and loyalty is unimpeachable. Every single one of her interactions with Baru sizzles with sexual tension and unsatisfied yearning.

Tain Hu is a contender for one of the best sword lesbians ever.

She makes me long for someone to write a regency AU fic: Auditing the Duchess. Someone, please.

The Evil Empire

Part of the empire is like that kid from psych 101 who’s just learnt about evolutionary psychology and now takes it upon himself to mansplain that everyone would be oh so much happier if they just went along with their biologically determined gender roles, but with a side serving of the motivations behind phrenology and other racist bullshit. It offers trade, healthcare, peace, security with one hand and decimates local economies and culture with the other, occasionally dipping into genocide.

For sodomites, hot iron; for tribadists, the knife.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant

I’ve read some readers saying that the Empire is so outrageously evil, it’s unbelievable anyone would follow them.

But it’s really not? If you’ve ever read a primary source from a colonial government, they absolutely are that fucking awful (and worse) in using pseudo-science to very earnestly argue for racial inequality, and for being paternalistic and cruel towards the populations they invaded. Eugenics, ethnic cleansing, every single thing bad and good committed by this Empire has its basis in reality both past and present.

I also appreciate that the Empire isn’t quite a Euroclone, that their impossible beauty standards are not exactly the same as our world’s white beauty standards.

This was the first impression Baru had of the Falcrest people: stubborn jaws, flat noses, deep folded eyes, their skin a paler shade of brown or copper or oat.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant

Choices

This is a series about agency, who gets to have agency, who sets the context in which a choice can be made. To what degree should we assign individuals responsibility for their actions, given the state of the world they were born in? Can the end ever justify the means?

Baru makes many decisive choices, and the fun thing about this narrative is that Baru is surrounded by so many shadow selves (sooo many, the girl is haunted) that we don’t have to guess what would have happened if she’d made x or y choice–because the other characters have done it for her, and the trajectory of their lives reveal the outcomes of those choices she didn’t make.

There’s one character in particular whose motivations make little sense unless she’s using Baru as her own shadow self, and through steering Baru onto the right path, finding her own kind of redemption.

The way this story is framed, the only way for Baru to achieve her goal and live to see it is to walk the path she’s on.

Privilege, culture

Everything ends. Everything will end and you cannot fear that. But you must decide what the endings will mean.

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant

This series pressed so many buttons for me I try to forget I have (which I realise is a privilege in and of itself).

It made me so acutely aware of my many various privileges, both broad (gay marriage is legal where I live) and intimate (being straight-passing). Not to mention being so damn grateful for electricity and anti-biotics.

The fact that every micro-aggression is called out somehow forces you to reflect on everything that’s happened and continues to happen and how that’s not okay. And sometimes it’s a lot, but you always feel like the text is on your side.

And just the feels of, from my pov as part of the Chinese diaspora, Baru’s sense that you can’t go home–home has moved on without you–are you (birthrace) enough to fit in with the people who’ve raised you? Is just. It cuts.

Maybe the story won’t have the same fishhooks for you, but I’m still bleeding.

Writing

Honestly I sometimes struggle with long sweeping epics, but I didn’t find it particularly difficult to keep up with the various factions in this series. Also, for such increasingly long books with so many non-standard terms (I honestly love ‘isoamory’ for samesex), the prose was freakishly clean, it was almost uncanny. Whoever edited this is a saint. And sometimes the phrasing was so damn beautiful.

The future

Book 3 concluded on a satisfying note, although of course there are a lot of loose ends, it’s not the cliffhanger of Book 2 so I feel like the wait for the final book isn’t going to be as agonising as, say the wait for Alecto.

Conclusion

I’m obsessed with Baru and I wish there were more sapphic characters who are just as brutally calculating.

I might as well say it again–if you’re still nursing a wound from Traitor, there is hope! Monster has a massive tonal shift from repressed gay to disaster gay, but she digs herself out of the mire of self-loathing by Tyrant.

You’ll be okay, I promise. ♥

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#baru cormorant #the traitor baru cormorant #the monster baru cormorant #the tyrant baru cormorant #seth dickinson #book review #fantasy book review #fantasy books #tain hu #barhu #the masquerade series

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missingstarter · 2 years

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@akuromatico:

☯️ ❤ ☂️ :y [ everyday is munday if u really want it ; ACCEPTING ]

☯ : Greatest challenge to writing your character?

[ honestly... the constant fear that I’m taking it too far with the angst afsdnmag;

especially for him, with so much canonical burden on his shoulders, I’m always scared that I’m just. Writing torture porn. even if not much bad is happening to him lately, i’m always very scared i’m taking it too far and just

[punches wall] a ]

❤ : What are some role-plays that you have done/are doing that you particularly enjoy and wish to share with your followers?

[ oh man there are So Many Of Them;; if i must think about stuff I didn’t RP on Tumblr, I’d say that one of my faves will always be one I had with my beloved Cas via mail, years ago; we were both playing as our interpretations of Gaster Undertale(tm) and the thing got.

Incredibly heavy, at some point. It was enough to leave us both crying because mine begged theirs to take care of their children after beating the crap out of eachother it was Very Good...... ]

☂ : Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way, and explain how.

[ it’s actually Cas!!!!! My beloved honey full of imagination and great writing and not enough time to share them with the universe lately but that I still cherish and Hold Not to mention that... Cas really helped me developing my writing, my stories and my characters. We have so much going on, I would stay here and talk about our stories and Aus and interpretations all day, and they've always been there to help me out when I needed it, and GOD I LOVE THEM so Much!!!!!!!!!!

go bother them at @intentosolenne they are So Good i just. Kiss Them...... ]

#akuromatico #[✢ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʀɪᴍᴇs |✧| ooc ✢]

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makeupbychio · 4 years

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ily // C.H

pairing: Calum x Reader.

words: 2,3k.

warnings: fluff, a little bit of smut, swearing, spoilers about tv shows (Brooklyn 99 and Glee). English is not my first language.

a/n: I tried to do this genderless so I would love some feedback. Hope you like it, love y'all.

inspired by: a couple of shows that I watched during this quarantine.

It's a lovely and cozy night with Calum, whom cooked your favorite food and watching him during the process so dedicated to make it perfect like five stars restaurants made you looking at him with heart eyes the whole night. The tomato sauce was perfect and the pasta even more. You saw how he followed every single step of the recipe and refused you to help him.

After finishing dinner, you were enjoying red wine -the bottle is almost empty- and talking to him about everything and anything. He set the dining room with vanilla candles to make it more romantic. The warm lights lightly illuminating your faces was so charming.

Deeply inside you know that today it's been 4 months since you started dating, but Calum never brings topics like that or buys something every month and that's totally fine because you neither talk about it. He just surprises you with lovely details like this one in random days, not just when you have to celebrate something.

When he feels like it he does it. Sometimes he caught you off guard like that time he poured like two hundred sunflowers in your house just because, or when he bought you the coolest denim jacket when he was on tour and he said extra things like the jacket was made just for you. Or when he printed the pictures Andy took in a party you threw because he wanted to have them as memories not just in his phone. Also, you find cute when he is so excited to send you his playlists he does every month with his favorite songs -he also made a private playlist for you know, when you need privacy-.

Once finished dinner, you moved to the couch to start your nerd marathon of the shows you watch. He went to find a big blanket since it's cool outside due to the rain that's been going on for two days. He settled next to you and kissed your temple when you put your head on his chest and your hands on his ribcage.

"Come here, baby" Calum said wanting you closer.

"What's our mood today? Glee or Brooklyn 99?" you asked while you were concentrated on the TV screen searching for said shows.

“Both" you said at the same time. You explained how you can't wait to know what happens in the show. You agreed to watch Brooklyn 99 first and then Glee when you were cuddle in bed.

After finishing the Halloween heist chapter you were still laughing at Gina's funny surprises.

"Babe you would be the perfect Gina Linetti" Calum said when he stopped laughing.

"I'm going to take that as a really good compliment, what about you?" you asked him looking up to find his eyes.

"Hmm I don't know" Calum said confused. "We should take an online test to find out" he broke the cuddle position you both had in the couch to go find his computer.

"That's so Amy Santiago" you teased him while he was in another room. Then he came back showing you the electronic device.

He sat straight next to you again and searching for Buzzfeed quizzes related to the show.

"This one sounds pretty cool" he said focused on the screen and pointing the one he chose. While the link load slowly due to his weak WiFi signal you decided you will take the quiz first.

"K'" you said with the computer in your lap reading the questions and choosing the answers fast. "So this says I'm Gina Linetti externally and Amy Santiago internally". You read the caption under the results and it makes sense to you.

"I was right babe, now my turn" he said taking from you the computer. It was funny how he took this so seriously to the point he had his tongue out, a thing he does when he is working. Both of you kinda expected and not his results. "I'm Rosa Diaz externally and Jake Peralta internally".

"That's kinda sexy tho" you said biting your lip to refuse a giggle till you couldn't resist and start making fun of how bad ass but a puddle he is.

He stood up from the couch to lay against the wall with crossed arms looking at you how cute you looked all teasing him and also surprised with the results. "I can be the Jake Peralta to your Amy Santiago" he was now teasing you.

"Challenge accepted" you said before a moment of silence and Calum broke the ice.

"Oh gosh I love you so much" he said with all the emotion and then froze when he realized he said that out loud and not just inside his head. He waited for you to say something and as your surprised wide open eyes, he knew you weren't going to answer what he wanted.

"What?" you asked surprised, not to make him repeated the words but to confirm if it was reality.

"Don't worry, I'm going to take a shower before bed" he said quickly disappearing into the bathroom and took his shirt off. He felt so stupid, he tortured himself for a couple of minutes with thoughts like you don't feel the same way about him and how maybe that scared you and now you were going to run away. 'Stupid Cal' he said to himself before he decided to leave that for later.

In that short amount of minutes, in the other side of the room you were thinking about how he just threw the bomb at you with no warning. You felt bad that you didn't answer immediately, because you love him too but it was confusing how hours ago you were thinking about how he is not like that type of person to celebrate another month of your relationship or cheesy things but clearly he does. You thought how to fix this and your next move.

When you were about to knock the bathroom's door Calum surprised you opening it before your action. He was surprised too to find you inches apart from him.

"Jesus, y/n. Sorry, I thought you were still in the couch" he said when he stopped his rushing thoughts. "Are you okay?" asking if something happened or if you need something.

Calum was already with his shirt off and just with his jeans. You laid your fingers on his beautiful jaw to get him closer and kiss him.

"I love you too, Cal" you said looking up directly to his eyes, fingers still on his jaw and your lips barely touching his. You moved forward a little bit to get you both inside the bathroom so you can close the door. Your moves were slow and that made the intensity filled the room. You know, sexual tension.

You saw his sculpted tan back when he turned around to start the water. You bite your lip at the view. "Is Roy at home already?" you asked innocently him to be sure of something.

He laughed at you being cautious when multiple times before Roy definitely heard you both having sex. "I don't know, but that's cute from you to worry about my roommate's nightmares because of us" he was teasing you.

"Fuck you" you said realizing that the house is huge and that Roy's room is way far from where you were. So you can have an idea about how loud you have to be so he can hears you. Right now you don't care and at the same time hoping that Cal's roommate could be asleep.

You stepped closer to him and he couldn't resist it. It's not like he can't kiss you, he knows that he is allowed to that but he would kill for your kisses. He moved his head to reach your tinted cherry lips and started heating up rapidly the situation. He just cut the makeout session when you took off your shirt, then he removed the rest of his clothes to jump in into the shower. You bit your lip at the view and decided to join him so you took off your jeans too and stepped inside in underwear.

"Baby no! That combo is my fave" Calum said when your clothes got wet immediately because of the hot water. You laughed at his words like if he doesn't has a washing machine or a dryer. You laced your arms around his neck and kissed him under the water. "I've been holding this for a while and a lot of emotions and actions to show you how I feel but not anymore" he said and started to feel like he finally poured out what was stuck on his mind. "I wanted to tell you in a more romantic way than how I did it minutes ago watching Brooklyn 99, just pretend that we are outside under the rain so it could be more romantic like a Hollywood movie from the 50s" Calum said.

He rapidly interlaced both arms in the end of your back to keep your body close to his. You rested your arms around his neck and he went up a little bit with his hands to fight with your soaked bra and then took it off and throw it to the floor crossing the glass door. A cloud of steam was already formed because of the heat in the room.

Now just your panties were left but you were so focused tracing Calum's tattoos with your fingers while he admired you doing it. It gave him chills when you found his chest tattoo.

"I love your tattoo too, honey" he said with his hand moving down to the side of your left thigh where your tattoo is. Perfect time to lift you up and take off the last piece of clothes. Your legs around his waist and he got you holding you with his strong hands placed above your butt.

Calum laughed when you tried to hide your body. It was the first time you took a shower with him. But the only way to hide your body was pressing it harder against his.

From outside the shower your bodies seemed blurry because of the big amount of steam. That marks were erased when Calum lifted you up to hold your body against the wall, your legs were around his waist to give him better access.

Lust immediately filled your mind with the passionate kisses and how good felt when Cal pressed your body against the wall, still lifting you with his strong hands. God that hands and arms drive you crazy with his tattoos and notorious veins. Next he asked you for permission to fill your entrance, always making sure you were alright. You just nodded at him and he did it, your right arm so tight around the back of his neck and left hand holding against the glass leaving your handprint freshly.

You both failed at being quiet but the sound of water and the soundproofing walls gave you advantage. Words couldn't be found, just moans and kisses wherever you had access. Calum still holding you changed to another wall, now one hand holding you and the other pressed against the wall that gave him the balance and to keep pushing inside you.

"Calum, I'm close" you said whispering on his ear. He wanted to make you feel even better so he speed up his pace. The water was hitting Cal's back and was burning him with the marks you were leaving with your nails.

You tilted your head back when you reached your orgasm wanting to have your feet back on the floor and seconds later of friction he reached his edge too.

He pulled off and helped you to for real take a shower and clean the sweaty mess. Now the calm and tiredness hit you both once you left the bathroom ready to -do quite opposite like minutes ago- put comfy clothes and cuddle.

Calum dried your hair and you his. Once you put his baggy hoodie you jumped into the bed. You waited for him who was setting the heat for the house during the night.

While you watched Glee, with his head resting on your chest and stroking his curls, you thought about what he said earlier. Calum always sings the songs that he knows from the show and taps your skin gently at the beat of the music, and it's more than lovely to hear his beautiful voice.

“Babe, what did you mean when you said that you had been holding that for a while?” you asked him when the cast of the show ended the song they were performing. He looked up at you.

“Like a month ago we were watching Brooklyn 99 that chapter when Jake was in danger and Amy felt guilty because she never told him how she felt and that hit me” he spoke with all the honesty. You found that so cute and cheesy from him and it made sense to you because for a while he seemed that he wanted to say something important to you but you never asked or pushed him to do it.

You kissed his forehead and smiled at him. Before you both returned your attention to the show you said, “I love you”.

"I love you too" he said. "I think you would be a perfect Mercedes" he started again teasing you about the characters of the shows you watch together, you are going to get used to this.

You tried to break the closeness of his head in your chest because he knows that you don't have a beautiful talent and voice like Mercedes. "Ha ha very funny. So in that case you would be Sam?" you raised your brows at him because even when you love Sam, he's a player.

"I think we can only resolve this with a quizz" he said smirking at you.

#calum hood #ch #calum #calum hood blurb #calum blurb #ch blurb #calum x reader #calum hood x reader #ch x reader #5sos blurb #5 second of summer imagines #5 seconds of summer blurb #calum hood imagine #calum hood fic #calum hood fluff

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goldenworldsabound · 3 years

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Feel free to answer this with whomever you'd like but if you could write an episode/ chapter/ arc featuring you and your f/o, what would it be about??? 😊

So I have a few faves that came to mind so!!! Under the cut. Thanks SO SO SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK DAY I HAD A BLAST!!! And these were just three that came to me immediately like. WHAT A GOOD QUESTION!!!

(expect Philly, Spock and Xiao/Zhongli/Venti polycule)

For Philly, I do have a fic I consider to be close to something that could be a real episode! Which is No Returns Accepted (I sure need to move the Philly fic over to AO3 sometime!) - in brief, Wendy is an arms dealer, and her clients often want to use her weapons against her to steal more/kill her/get the bounty on her and Philly’s head, but she’s prepared for this inevitably. It has a gun slinging fight scene (and some other fun tech iirc) PLUS what I still consider a pretty clever solution on my part!!! I dunno I just feel like I did good with it :D

as for a NEW episode, I’d love to do something that actually tackles the like. Inherent suffering of our immortality. Both Philly and I are and likely will forever be on the run, we feel pain, he can die but we come back like...I have wanted to write something that kinda digs into that. I’ve sort of hinted at it in a few fics but to have a compelling arc where it’s discussed more explicitly in the context of an interesting situation (I could imagine getting kidnapped and tortured, for example, because people can do MUCH WORSE things to you when you don’t die and that’s a really good like uuuh segue into actually talking about it). I also have a WIP started for how it affected my SI while they were separate and how she failed to cope with it, but that’s a very heavy WIP that even when finished may not see the light of day. BUT I think there could be a way to tackle it that gets at the heaviness without being overly explicit about it, and in classic CB form it would have some sort of comedic relief too. Like yeah, it’s like this, but we can still laugh and smile cause we have each other and our friends ya know?

Spock! I used to be deep enough in the trek lore that I could have written this, but alas I would need to go do some SERIOUS research now. I feel like a WEDDING EPISODE could EASY be an episode we have in Star Trek. Look I just want Spock and I to get married because I love him a lot but also because Vulcan culture is so interesting (and pieces of it are heavily inspired by Judaism so I feel a connection to it in that regard). I just feel like it would be a fun exercise of like Don’t Offend The Vulcans but also Enjoy The Wedding and the conflict is just that Vulcans and humans have to get along because Wedding even though they struggle with that.

Additionally, though I imagine this would be more like a Star Trek novel, I have a plan for my SI to get hurt enough that she gets dropped off at Vulcan for a bit for recovery and being a famous Federation Science Officer she gives lectures at the Vulcan Academy, and stays with Sarek and Amanda (Spock’s parents). I actually wrote something of this effect (sans being a temporary professor) in my original “isekai” canon a decade ago! I love the idea so much I want it to exist in my new canon too. It’s a chance for her to really get in touch with Vulcan culture and having more control over her emotions and what not. (And for something BAD to happen while she and Spock are far about but still connected by the bond? unclear...uwu)

So I feel like I mention it more than zero times BUT I'm writing a multi chapter fic called Adeptal Ascension for when my SI takes on a set of trials to become an adepti (aka what Zhongli and Xiao are, enabling her to have a long lifespan like them and an illuminated beast form).

There would be some logistical reasons (namely timing, since this is supposed to take place some time after the Rite of Descension in game, when Wendy and Zhongli are married and the polycule has been together for a while) this couldn't be a Genshin quest, BUT WHAT IF IT WAS?

The Traveler helps Venti teach Wendy to use Electro/skills well (in a post-Inazuma world lol), by doing some sort of challenge where you can only use skills/bursts and must use elemental reactions to win the fight!

The Traveler helps Zhongli teach Wendy to use a sword, in a challenge where skills/bursts can't be used at all and it's all about dodging and physical damage.

The Traveler gets to dig into the lore with Wendy in an old library in Liyue/listen to Zhongli tell a cinematic cutscene about it!

And the Traveler gets to comfort Xiao (think hangout-esque) when he runs off because he's scared of her failing the challenges and getting hurt/dying. If you say the wrong thing he gets mad and won't continue talking to you and you have to start off. But in the correct path he reveals his worries since he trusts the Traveler.

Then meeting Wendy/Zhongli/Venti/Xiao at the two Trial Locations, and when Wendy finishes hearing about what it was like from her.

And lastly, attending the festivities in Liyue (a shorter, more contained version of Lantern Rite where the city is decorated and there's an activity or two), followed by attending the Adepti celebration mostly for a cutscene to see everyone be shocked by Rex Lapis' (Zhongli) return and his connection with the new Adeptus.

I think it would be pretty neat! :D

#genshin posting #eternal roadtrip #love in divinity #across time and space #fic #ish

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whaticannotshowyou · 4 years

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Okay since you're drunk why not something with your fave kinks? Vomit and thick sticky cum i think those are two if your faves? How about Aiden tricks Lambert, spends years making the pup fall in love with him and once he knows he has him he invites him to winter with the cat's Lambert is happy his boyfriend wants him to meet his family but in reality the cats have wanted to get their revenge on the wolves after being shunned for their practices and adorn being the most attractive of them was assigned the challenge to capture them a wolf. He brings Lambert to the caravan and they proceed to spend the next year gas lighting him, raping him, using him as a toy, torturing him until Lambert is broken, doing anything to get the approval he'd always craved and they enjoy choking him on their cocks, filling his stomach with cum until he's vomiting on the thick sticky seed, they enjoy making him vomit and rewarding him for it until it becomes his default reaction to vomit when seeing a cock or smelling cum

Those sure are two of my absolute favourites 😍 and with Lambert as well? Now this is a treat!

Lambert just falls heads over heels with Aiden and is ready to do anything for him, years upon years of the two travelling together and then searching for one another when drifted apart. He is absolutely glowing as Aiden invites him to meet his family, not even for a second time hinking back on the wolves’ scepticism towards his new ‘friend’. Once there, Lambert is offered a nice meal and he puts on the only charismatic side he has to make a good impression, much too anxious about them disliking him to even realise how tired he is becoming and just how heavy his limbs are. He doesn’t go fully under, still awake as the clowder starts tugging off his clothes and inspecting his body.

He makes a pleased sound as Aiden pets his hair back, pushing his cock against the man’s lips while telling him to suck. All he can think of is how much he adores his cat, barely realising that the rest of them are defiling his hole and dumping their soend inside of him one after the other as he drifts in and out of consciousness. The plan’s been in the making for years giving them plenty of time to prepare, stocking up on drugs strong enough to keep a witcher gone for a month straight and constantly giving him more and more to keep him pliant. He doesn’t even realise when he started accepting anyone but Aiden knowingly using him, but when he protests weakly the cat shuns him and ignnores him for days, leaving him tied up and used by the others until he apologises for not letting his family have him as well. All his attempts to get them to stop is met by gas lighting, all of them convincing him he’s the one begging for it and eventually he thinks so as well.

As they run out of drugs, Lambert is already broken in. He can’t go long without the attention of the cats’, leaning into their lies and starting to beg for it whenever he’s empty and thanking them eagerly when they finally let him have them. He grows addicted to them, always craving a cock inside of him and only feeling good enough for Aiden when he’a choking on their members and slurping their come down his throat. Perhaps it’s a cat-thing having incredibly thick and pungent come, Lambert coming back from his drugged state and not even questioning the texture, smell or thickness as he swallows it down like he’s a dying man. It doesn’t stop him from growing nauseated and queasy from it filling him up though, his belly bloated from the sheer amount and the witcher fighting to keep it down.

The first time he throws it all up, the cats can’t help but adore his weak sobs and pathetic retching, needing more of it. That makes them keep fucking his mouth rather than his arse, pumping ungodly amounts of seed into him and watching him burp and whimper as it threatens to come back up again. They want him properly broken and unable to control his own body, want to see a mighty wolf nothing but a little crying slut that loses all of that witcher control. They starts rewarding him for puking, fisting his cock and praising him each time he retches. He is only allowed to come himself as thick, smelly come rushes out of his throat, sticking to his lips in long, disgusting strands as he gasps for breath. It does the work, Lambert eventually hiccuping and his head spinning at each and every possibility of their affection, the sight of their cocks alone enough to have him dry heave so they can call him a good boy.

Maybe that’s all they have for a plan, breaking him beyond saving before Aiden brings him up to Kaer Morhen at the last possible moment before daring his way down himself. The clowder offers their regard as they present Lambert to his pack once again, his mind shattered as his family has to see what a whore they made him.

#yes im a biologist and yes a group of cats is called a clowder #use that as you please!#answer #nc #misc #if #et #mc

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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Hey Steph, I've been having troubles getting into reverse reichenbach fics for a while even though I really want to find a really good one. I'm interested with the idea. Do you have a rec for one that's REALLY good and realistic (as in where BAMF!John isn't sliding into MI6 level, if you catch my drift?). I know about your recs, I'm asking about YOUR fave :)

Oooo, LOL WELL THEN. You guys are all being sneaky this week, trying to find out what my single fave fic recs are by dancing around the fact y’all already know about my other lists hahah.

Alrighty, if you insist, LOL.

For those who DON’T know, I do have Rev. Reich lists here:

Reverse Reichenbach

Reverse Reichenbach Pt. 2

Otherwise, my absolute fave is this one; It’s from Sherlock’s POV, and he’s not handling it well AT ALL:

Checkmate to a Castled King by LaSuen (T, 18,290 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt / Comfort, Sick Sherlock, Rev. Reich.) - John dies. Or at least everyone thinks he does.

I believe this next one meets your criteria, and I love it to pieces... It’s been awhile since I last read it so can’t remember if it’s Sherlock or John-centric (I think it’s Sherlock):

When to Let Go by KendylGirl (M, 22,109 w., 8 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Reverse Reichenbach, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, Angst, Love, Implied Drug Use) – What if it were John who had to die to thwart Moriarty's plans? John's supposed death shatters Sherlock, and when he returns, it will challenge the pair to forge a path of forgiveness, to peace, and to find a way back to each other. Part 1 of When to Let Go

And I love these ones but they don’t meet your criteria... but I hope you read them anyway because they’re beautiful:

Impossible to Feign by achray (M, 49,204 w., 12 Ch. || TRF Rewrite / Reverse Reichenbach, Suicidal Ideations / Discussions, Drug Use/Abuse, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, John Accepts his Sexuality, Anxious Sherlock, Meddling Mycroft, Depression, Hallucinations, Secret Agent John, BAMF John, Reunion, Make-Up Sex, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn't have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

Enjoy Nonny!

#steph replies #reverse reichenbach #johnlock fic recs #fave fics #my fic recs #Anonymous

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kiaronna · 4 years

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I would just like to say that School’s Out For the Summer gives me life and that all the Lonelyeyes moments are absolute perfection

Thank youuuuu!! SCOFS was super fun to write and helped me deal with the horrors these characters were going thru in canon lolol. COPING. I COPE

To be honest, a real challenge in this fic was making Elias n Peter non-threatening and fluffy but still in character?? Making them lil just. Really helped. They are mean bc school is hard and their circumstances suck. Elias just wants to go on one (1) date w/ his crush. Most LonelyEyes HCs I had for that fic did not fit into the flow, and JonMartin needed focus & grounding after their get together. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, here are some LonelyEyes HCs from teacherverse. they are long and if you didn’t read SCOFS they make no sense so I’ve placed em under the cut

-Remember their date plan? Peter legit has a chauffeur but Martin drives him bc Martin is Unofficial Dad. Jon was gonna drive Elias but. Jon accidentally muses about hanging out (COUGH going on a date) with Martin while they wait to drive them back and the idea of their respective dads hanging around while they’re on a date drives Elias into Embarrassed Teen Rage. So Elias takes the bus. Martin also muses about a waiting date w/ Jon but does it 100% on purpose on the drive over while Peter Suffers

-They do get fish & chips and people watch at a cute market. Elias likes this for obvious reasons and Peter likes it bc it fulfills his i-am-here-and-you-all-are-over-there needs.I very specifically picked this date plan even tho it sounds stupid bc it’s perfect for their personalities and it is the type of first date plan people their age would manage to execute. in my day dating at that age was like. going to the mall w/ ur parents in the background

-In the fic Martin says Elias dropped by the Lukas estate “a few” times over the summer. Martin was busy writing poetry in his room and had no idea that Elias hung out once a week

-Elias has had a crush on Peter since 0.001 seconds after he transferred. He spends entire classes staring at him and has turned in HW w/ Peter doodles on it. All his teachers gossip w/ Jon about it at district meetings.

-Peter hated Elias initially bc he doesn't like attention and also bc Elias is loud and prickly. Then some prep school brat bullies another one of the scholarship students and Elias (partially out of pragmatism, he would've been next) like... destroys him. So Peter starts paying attention. Tbh he only develops a proper crush once Martin is tutoring him and asking him about school and what he enjoys and Peter realizes Elias comes to mind. It is a long summer. Peter spends a lot of it awkwardly wondering how to be a person while they skip rocks on the lake and explode stuff out in the deep woods. yes u read that right. they get a lot of fireworks and they Do Not tell Martin

-when they start dating they spend a surprising amount of time navigating how to handle Peter's introversion vs Elias' desire to glue their frickin hands together bc he continues to find his bf fascinating. the first time Peter erupts and goes into a vent session about school where he rants for 20 minutes, Elias holds his hand very tight and has to remind himself that Peter is pissed and it is not time to smile bc he likes to listen to his bf talk. they text a lot. Peter hates phone calls

-these last points have made the crushing sound one-sided, but trust me when I say Peter likes Elias. Peter does what Peter wants, and if he wanted Elias gone, he'd make it so. sometimes when he needs to be alone he does make it so. Elias spends a lot of time pretending to be someone he's not to be accepted, so he values that kind of honesty. The concept of someone enjoying Peter’s personality actually makes him v uncomfortable and kinda confuses him (Martin skates by under the guise of ‘he is just my tutor who I pay and not the only adult I respect & trust’). after their 6-month anniversary he sort of flips out and ghosts Elias for a week bc he did not expect this to work & he’s scared. Jon and Martin get involved when Elias spends that week mercilessly torturing Jon, showing up unannounced. when they reunite they somehow like each other more. but Elias pettily spends a week w/ extra staring which Peter grudgingly allows

-Peter's family thinks their new maid has a son who now basically lives at their house. Spoiler: Elias just visits a lot and Peter tells them zero personal info

-The difference in social class & money is awkward for Elias, who is hyperaware and insecure and won’t let Peter come over to his house until they’ve been dating for like two years. At that point Jurgen has saved up a lifetime’s worth of embarrassing things to reveal to his grandson’s bf. there is definitely some pining where Elias is convinced Peter’s going to dump him to get with some other hot rich kid at their school. Peter? Oblivious to this fear entirely. Peter had the luxury of growing up filthy rich, and is also the type of person who doesn’t care at all if your clothes are from Goodwill or your dates can’t cost more than a few bucks. This actually leads into the next point

-Peter is super outdoorsy and once his foot heals Elias takes him hiking /canoeing/camping every other weekend when it’s warm. Elias gets into landscape drawings. Peter hates TV but will eat popcorn & snuggle Elias on the couch while he watches his favorite shows on the Lukas’ expensive flatscreen. Elias continues to sketch Peter a lot and Peter does not find out about this for like a year. they continue to explode fireworks and homemade stuff in the woods bc they are teenage boys.

-they’re both Lil Bastards and like to annoy each other but if you ever mess with one the other pops up out of nowhere to threaten you in a cheerful, low drawl (Peter) or descend upon u vengefully w/ embarrassing secrets being yelled out in public (Elias). They hold hands the whole time. it is terrifying. neither of them have ever been the popular kid but nobody will so much as look at them funny

-they make bets about literally everything. My fave is the bet about who's going to be taller, which drags on for yeeeeears and no one will ever concede defeat. “you’re not taller, I could still grow” (Elias) “we are adults and puberty is over” (Peter) meanwhile they are both taller than Jon, who still tries to like. pat Elias atop the head.

-When Jon and Martin get married u know who walks each of them down the aisle to give them away!! THE BOYS. they both hate the formalwear and look ready to shank someone the entire time

#jonmartin #lonelyeyes #kidfic #tma #headcanon

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dragonnan · 4 years

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Author Interview Tag

Tagged by @aelaer a week or two ago, thank you!

Name: Tanya (among family I'm Nan or Auntie Nanny)

Fandoms: Sherlock, MCU, Psych, Prodigal Son, and a goodly collection of others

Where you post: For a number of years I posted on FFN but between the really shitty reviews and extremely cumbersome posting process I finally quit. I posed on Psychfic while still an active part of that fandom but that, too, has pretty much ended. I put a few stories on Wattpad but found it to be pretty meh. I now post exclusively to AO3.

Most popular multi-chapter fic: It's a tossup between “Fury” on Psychfic and “All Nighter” on AO3 – one based on comments and the other on Kudos. Frankly “popularity” is really subjective because there's also stuff like read count and with comments, at least nearly half are replies from me and read count also includes re-reads as well as every time I clicked on the damn thing to edit so....

You know I'm just really not sure how to properly answer this??

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Like others have stated you can ask me this on three different days and get three different answers and there will be more than 1 fic mentioned every time so.... Because I write in different fandoms I just absolutely can't list a single fic. The best I can narrow it would a fic from my top 3 fandoms.

Psych: Paint it Black. I had read a fic where Shawn was gradually going blind and had really been enjoying it and the challenges it presented. Sadly it was never completed. As has happened before I decided I would write my own damn fic if I couldn't get a completed story so that was the primary motivation to start this. What I most love about this is writing from Shawn's perspective as he navigates being blind and not knowing whether or not his condition is permanent. I did my best to honor the experience of blind and partially blind people and tried to look beyond the cliché.

MCU: I have so much fun writing these stories! In spite of the dumpster fire the film canon became I do so love this sandbox and employing various forms of unfucking it. So I'm gonna cheat a little and pick two for my faves here since one is a WIP. Sed Diabolus. I don't need to have completed it yet to know this will be my all-time favorite. This is the first fic that has been entirely plotted out and OMG I'm so excited for iiiit!! The second is Simple Math which seems like an odd choice given there's zero action – mostly just one character – hell, not even any whump. But there is something about that deep dive into Tony's mindset that keeps this as a fave even though it was the first thing I ever wrote for the MCU. I learned about Tony as I wrote this and I also worked my way through those motivations that bothered me regarding Stane. Even years later I still mentally go back to this fic whenever I write Tony because I feel encapsulates the essence of how I see him as a character.

Sherlock: Compared to other fandoms I'm still quite new to this fandom so I don't have nearly as many fics. But I still have a favorite! And, like with the MCU, it's the first story I ever wrote for this fandom; The Tiger and the Shark. Returning to a plot device I've employed in other fics, this one is built around a sexual assault and taking the character on a journey from that terrible event to the point where they rediscover themselves. PTSD ever being my favorite form of whump I employ that fairly a lot in this story and employ some kinda radical methods for coping with those memories.

Fic you were nervous to post: I mean until I start getting comments I'm a world of anxiety with every story I post. But grabbing a specific fic that hit my nerves – that Sherlock fic I'd said was my fave certainly qualified. Not only was it my first Sherlock fic – it also was charging out of the gate with a very heavy topic so yeah – I wasn't sure if people would absolutely hate it or find my characterizations totally off or what.

How you choose your titles: It varies a bit. In some stories, like Sed Diabolus, I actually consult friends on various ideas. Other times I'll consider songs or lyrics and my favorite thing is if I can alter the known title just a bit to make it more relevant to the fic (I did that a LOT with Psych fics which was the method the show also employed for its episode titles). One of my favorite Psych titles is “The Wizard Was the Wicked Witch and the Scarecrow Lost His Courage”.

Do you outline: Almost never – not until “Sed Diabolus”. That story, though, is so astoundingly complex that without an outline I'd be hopelessly lost. I am, though, trying to make a practice of outlining more because it helps SO much!

Complete: If we count every one-shot collection and challenge collection it likely is over 200 stories. Of course a lot of those are one-shots. My total completed chaptered fics number maybe around 34?

In progress: 16 – between Psychfic and AO3. All Psych stories are on long-term hiatus for the foreseeable future (some, honestly, I will never finish as they are many many years old and I've lost the inspiration for the plot). Several MCU stories are also on the back-burner while I focus on “Sed Diabolus”. I admit I get LOTS of story ideas and staying focused on a single fic is not something I've ever been greatly successful with.

Coming soon/not yet started: I meaaaan.... lots?? I have probably several hundred ideas and partially started fics across many fandoms. As to “imminently coming soon...” I don't think I currently have an active story that I haven't already posted at least a first chapter. Sadly I have zero patience for developing something for months before posting which is why I have so many WIPs. That said I DO have a Sherlock au that has been poking at me now and then involving the witch trials that started in Denmark and, eventually, made their way to Salem. The idea would be that Molly Hooper is accused of being a witch. She, of course, is innocent but cause this unfortunate attention due to her “uncanny” ability to heal the sick and injured (not so much uncanny as opposed to employing methods that aren't so reliant on superstition and folklore).

She is scheduled to be tortured and executed but is saved by Sherlock – a strange recluse primarily ignored and given a pass as he solves mysteries for people. He and his friend John save Molly from this awful fate. The twist is that Sherlock is a sorcerer (bit of marvel crossover-ish) and able to transport them to safety.

Do you accept prompts: I wish I could cause I love ideas but I don't have the time/energy to always work on what I already have and I'm awful at follow thru. Like I will never turn away an Ask wanting to share ideas but I can't promise that I can actually write anything.

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: As was the reply to a previous query – I have lots that are ideas that will linger in partial stages for sometimes years. If it's “upcoming” I've already posted the first chapter lol! But, again, I have several story ideas that whenever I poke through my folders I get excited about someday actually writing them. Here is a teaser for an MCU fic involving Tony Stark and Obie (I still feel this was never explored enough – certainly not in fic):

They were doing a retrospective, ten year anniversary kinda... whatever. Unofficial, of course. Certainly nothing Pepper would have dreamed up even at her most drunk (which, honestly, was never her scene. Tony had sorta owned that space well beyond the time it had started owning him). Whose idea it ultimately had been? Frankly Tony couldn't give a fuck. That he was asked to be one of the speakers was slightly more... awkward. Awkward was the right word, yeah? Nauseating was certainly another and possibly a bit more accurate.

Dead for a decade and Obadiah Stane still managed to fuck with his life.

But... it hadn't always been that way. At least, not as he'd believed back when the Walkman had been on every kid's Christmas list.

He'd thought it was bonding; at the time. His dad had never been one for just hanging out; shooting the shit; telling tales out of school. No, Pops, when he bothered to interact, led with questions. “You keeping your grades up?” “You still seeing that floozy?” “When are you going to pull your head out of your ass and grow the hell up?” “You do realize it's my name you're disgracing every time you go on a bender?”

With Obie it was just, easy. Obie might ask about school but it was always with approval and pride. He would discuss Tony's conquests as though Tony had climbed Kilimanjaro wearing nothing but underwear and a cape.

Obie was there when his father wasn't. Which meant that Obie was always there. The first time he got astoundingly drunk on his father's scotch, Obie was the one to help him hunch over the toilet and vomit expensive, aged booze into the toilet. Obie was also the one to replace the depleted bottle to keep Howard in the dark. For a fourteen year old kid still trying to gain his dad's favor, that had meant everything.

He saw his first porn with Obie; sex education ala Traci Lords, three months shy of his fifteenth birthday. That was the same time he was introduced to weed. Obie had cautioned him to use it sparingly; didn't want to fry that genius brain, he'd say, and ruffle his hair. The porn had made him uncomfortable. Obie had turned it off and told him they could watch whatever Tony wanted. They'd ended up changing the station to Knight Rider; smoking and munching Cheetos and laughing over their orange fingers.

It was Obie who was there, arm around his shoulders, after his parents died. He desperately didn't want to sob in front of the man. Things were so complicated with his dad that all he felt was blinding guilt... as though some part of him had caused this. But Obie had filled him with bourbon until the emotions got soft around the edges and he'd sat beside the older man, head tipping gradually to the right until he was held up by Obie's shoulder. Obie had just slung an arm around him and let Tony pass out while he rubbed a broad hand up and down his bicep.

It was strange, now, looking back with adult perspective. A perspective that included Afghanistan and his intended execution while Obie talked about legacy and responsibility while Tony's lungs slowly seized. He'd taken the time to sit there – arm around Tony's shoulders while one broad hand traveled up and down Tony's bicep – just like when he was a kid and Obie was the whole world.

He'd tried to remember if it had felt so... tainted... at the time. Or if he'd always believed it was love.

Obie had never quite crossed that line. Though hindsight offered a peek into that possibility with enough clarity Tony had fought with his cramping gut for nearly thirty minutes. He'd staved off vomiting though he was fairly certain his dignity had still been in tatters what with Bruce wandering in on his misery.

Upcoming story you are most excited about (this is basically a repeat of the above question so I decided to change it. Do you have a future story idea you'd like to write that is not yet beyond the vague idea stage? I love stories that put Molly in some sort of jeporady and I have a barely formed idea to someday write a “stalker fic” of some sort and not I don't care that this trope had been done on repeat – I still love it lol! I have a smidge of writing for it:

“I need your help.”

As afternoons at Baker Street went, this was a mundane request heard so often that Sherlock's typical reply, “Obviously, or you wouldn't be here”, could have been printed on flash cards. The detective had actually made the suggestion after a particularly full day at the flat and having heard the statement no less than twenty times.

Today, however, Sherlock merely blinked for a moment. Then, with an awkwardness rare to a man with a lethal sort of grace in his movements, Sherlock gestured to John's chair, JOHN'S CHAIR, before taking his usual seat.

Molly didn't exactly smile but her lips edged up a bit before she sat.

John cleared his throat before pointing a vague hand towards the kitchen. “I'll just go make some tea, shall I?”

“No, please, I...” The stammer in her speech was not uncommon; though John couldn't recall such obvious fear. Forgoing the kitchen he, instead, took the hard wooden chair facing the other two.

“Molly, what's wrong?”

Tagging: @kitcat992 @mizjoely @sgam76 @ariaadagio @hanuko @ceruleanmindpalace

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kyluxtrashpit · 4 years

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2019 Fic Recap

So I’ve done this for the past few years and I started doing it at the end of 2019 but never managed to finish it. I think between TROS and IRL and then I got really, really sick, I just haven’t had the chance to do so. But fuck it, I decided to finish it anyway even though it’s now 3 months late lmao. So anyway, a recap of my 2019 fics

Total wordcount: 96 419 words. Which is less than last year, but still not too shabby. I wish I could’ve banged something out to get it over 100k but eh, it just didn’t happen. I definitely have enough wip words and whatnot to get me over that bump, though

Tough Love, 6572 words, posted Jan 17

So this was an experimental one. As you all know, I’m pretty hard on the sub!Kylo/dom!Hux train. But I had a conversation with a friend and it turned into one of those ‘okay, I don’t like x dynamic because of a, b, and c. But is it possible to write x without those and make it into something I like?’ and as it turns out, yes, yes it was. Thus this fic happened and here we are. I still really like it and I have a lot of Feelings on this dynamic vs the one I usually write, but that’s an essay in and of itself lmao. It got some great feedback too, which was cool

Take My Breath Away, 1230 words, posted Feb 7

Ah yes, this one, which was based off a throwaway KOTOR ability but was an excuse for me to write Kylo getting stuffed from both ends with some asphyxiation thrown in. And also extremely rough sex + softer aftercare is a weakness of mine haha, so I just had to do it

Fix You, 1994 words, posted Feb 10

So this was my first piece for Bad Things Happen Bingo, which is an event I’m still planning to finish at some point lmao, and that I’ve had a lot of fun with so far. This fic was another that I tried for a more ‘classic’ feel with, though it’s a lot softer. The uncomfortable intimacy. The ‘feelings are happening but we won’t talk about them’. The shaky trust. All of that good stuff. I had fun with it

Keep Your Enemies Closer, 1657 words, posted Feb 24

Another for BTHB! I just love when Hux wins, okay. And I think this was one of those time periods where Kylo was doing all the winning in fics and I just. Needed something different lmao. Emperor Hux remains one my all time fave ideas and it’s still a shame canon never gave it to us. But I have the power to make it happen, so I did. Plus Kylo in a shock collar is always fun >:)

Indulgence, 17 357 works, completed Apr 19, first posted Mar 28

So! This was a continuation to my experiment from above and really it was just an excuse for lots of smut and pampering lmao. Much as I had thought I had said everything I wanted to say with Tough Love, apparently I had not, and this monstrosity formed. There may be a third, more serious piece to finish off the series this year, but I haven’t decided yet. Although, I have to admit, I’m still surprised how poorly this fic did feedback-wise, especially compared to its predecessor and considering it’s the more popular dynamic these days. Tbh some of my best smut is in this fic imo, but ah well, sometimes people just don’t like things and I suppose I have to accept that, even if I’m really, really proud of that thing

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Best Served Bloody, 2666 words, posted Apr 29

Another BTHB and, again, not much deeper to it. Beating up Brendol is always fun though lmao. And when I was writing this, I really wanted Hux to be the one to strike at his father. A lot of pieces have Kylo doing it, which is great, but I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted Hux to have the power to save himself. It was fun to write in that way, as a powerful revenge fantasy

The Best, 6450 words, posted May 12

Ah, now this was a fun one lmao. It was born of a horny crack idea but I can’t do real crack, so it ended up as crack treated seriously. And really, I just wanted an excuse to have Kylo sucking dick. A lot of dick. All the dicks he can find lmao. Slutty Kylo fic remains my favourite pwp, so I gotta contribute to the cause, you know. It was a delight to write, though challenging cause it kept turning me on LMAO. Totally worth it though. It was one of the most fun this year for sure

Be My Outlet, 1003 words, posted May 23

There’s not really much of a story behind this one haha. I was horny and I wanted some classic, Not Nice Hux and hatefucking, thus this exists. Plus I miss Kylo getting choked and it’s rare these days to see stuff quite this rough. I also have a bit of a somnophilia thing, which this sort of fits in to. And I’m always a fan of messy, masochist Kylo. So yeah. Idk it’s smut lmao what else could we want? It’s just a short little pwp, but I had a lot of fun with it and it was nice to revisit the classic kylux days

Safe Harbour, 1616 words, posted Jun 13

This one was for kyluxomegaverse week and it was very fun. A/b/o is one of those tropes where I really, really like a lot of it, but there’s also some stuff that’s much less my cup of tea. So I don’t write a lot of it, even though there are aspects of it that I adore. Which this one includes a lot of lmao. I think the nesting is fucking adorable and I wanted to write something soft, so here we are. Plus omega!Kylo is just delightful. Also looking back on it now, this one did really well? Holy shit, I had no idea it was that popular!

With Dignity, 4475 words, posted Jul 1

This was the last for BTHB that I managed last year (and I still intend to finish my card eventually, it’s just been a rough go so far this year lmao). I’m actually very proud of this one because this is the exact sort of angst I love to write. I didn’t intend for it to be as heavy as it ended up being, but when I started looking up the mechanics of force-feeding and reading about the experience of it, the plan changed drastically because holy fuck. I had never thought of it as that much of a torture before. I also enjoy with Hux like, making the reader feel bad for him while also actively reminding them he’s awful and getting that perfect cognitive dissonance. So this was a great excuse to do exactly that. And I love how tough he is even in such circumstances. Despite the heavy subject matter, I had a blast with this one

Greener Grass, 3389 words, posted Jul 14

This one was originally a twitter thread that really got away from me lmao, so I edited it and put it on ao3 because I really liked it. I’ve always liked self-cest as a concept and I thought it’d be interesting for Kylo to interact with a version of himself that made some different choices. One that was happier. And then we see Kylo through Ben’s eyes, see what the dark side has wrought for him. And then, of course, some smut to pull it all together lmao. It was a really fun character study and I had a grand time with it

Subliminal, 5719 words, posted Aug 23

This one! Okay so I’m pretty sure I sent in a couple of khk prompts over the years that were basically this, but no one ever wrote them so I finally did it. I’m honestly surprised hypno kink isn’t actually used more in kylux, considering Hux is canonically in charge of the brainwashing program. So much potential. So I had to write it. I also went down quite a few rabbit holes in researching this (with mixed success lmao) and learned a whole lot about hypno kink in the process. I may have even acquired it as a fetish lmao. But anyway, this one’s a bit darker and it’s fun to write those every once in a while. I think I pulled it off well too

Ashes Among the Stars, 36634 words, posted Dec 1

Ah and my big bang this year! I had a blast with this one although it was quite the challenge. My first fandom was gundam so when I saw this prompt I was very intrigued and ended up getting it. This fic had a lot more world-building than I usually do, which was the primary challenge as I basically had to take aspects from both franchises and sew them together into a new world of its own. I think I did that rather successfully tbh. The plot gave me trouble too but also gave me some of my best eureka moments haha. My partner was also wonderful and made the experience that much better. I know crossovers don’t tend to perform as well, so I was expecting that, though I do wish some more people had given it a chance since I wrote it specifically so that no prior knowledge was needed. But alas, I’m still incredibly proud of it. It’s also my second longest fic ever!

Filthy, 5657 words, posted Dec 9

And here it is, the gangbang fic I’ve always wanted to exist lmao. I had wanted to write this one for a long time, but I could never figure out how to end it, what circumstances would lead to the gangbang. Then a convo with friends gave me the idea and boom, I could finally write it. This fic is just straight up smut and I fucking love it lmao. There needs to be more Kylo gangbang fics tbh

What have I learned?

Last year wasn’t as successful for writing as I’d hoped, given that I wrote less in 2019 than I did in 2018. But also a lot of things happened to me last year. I got a new role at work. My dad had a heart attack (he’s okay though). I had a pretty rough time with my mental health. And then there was the lead up to TROS and the frankly unnecessary amount of stress that caused me. So there was a lot going on and working against me, which is a large part of why I didn’t manage to write as much as I’d hoped I would, and there’s a lot in my folder that I started but just wasn’t able to finish before the end of the year. I worried for a while I was losing interest, but looking back, no, it was definitely the IRL shit lmao. That said, I’m also extremely happy with all of the pieces I did finish, regardless of how well they did. I’m proud of them and I loved writing them, even when it was difficult

One of my goals from last year was to write more, which I didn’t manage, and to get better at answering comments, which I think I did well on for the most part up until post-TROS lmao. I also wanted to do the big bang again (and I was hoping for a reverse, which it was!) and I did. And I also wanted to have fun and keep my confidence with my writing, which I think I was the most successful at. I feel really good about everything I made and I really enjoyed writing them, even if I didn’t manage to finish everything

Goals for 2020?

I think part of the reason I didn’t finish this post in 2019 is because of my TROS breakdown and subsequent stresses associated with it. Because I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was going to do. Sometimes I wanted to give up and find a new fandom/ship, other times I was sure I was over it and going to just do whatever the fuck I wanted, and then there was every emotion in between

Now, though, I’m sure I’m going to keep writing here. I haven’t managed much this year yet, but I can feel it coming back to me. I have a post-TROS fic I managed to solve a major problem with the other day. I also have renben as a new ship to excite me. And I still have a lot of wips and BTHB and various others I desperately want to do. Right now, I feel good about my writing and my interest in it is back to normal, which is great. So this year? I’m not going to set a hard goal. I’d love to write more than last year and maybe I will, but it’s okay if I don’t. I’d love to do another big bang this year, but I’m not going to kick myself if I can’t handle it when that time comes. I’d love to finish BTHB, but if it stretches into another year, who cares? My only goal is to just keep writing and keep enjoying it. I want to have fun with it. I want to be happy with whatever pieces I do manage to put out. I want to set aside time to read more fics from others, if I can. And I think all of those will really help with my mental health, which is starting to recover right now, and that’s what’s most important of all

Also thank you all for your patience with me. I know I’ve not been responsive, here or on twitter or to comments, but I am trying my best. It’s been a rough go and I don’t like to whine too much in my fandom spaces. I don’t know when or even if I’ll get back to normal, but I’m trying, and that’s what matters. I love every one of you on here <3

#kylux #I started this back in december #but then shit happened and I just never had a chance to finish it #but I thought about it yesterday and was like fuck it this is happening #but anyway I do love everything I wrote this year #so I'm not going to be sad that there was less of it than I hoped #I'm proud of what I've accomplished #and I'm going to hold onto that and that's all I want from 2020 writing wise: to be happy with what I did #it's not about the volume #it's about my own personal happiness with it #but anyway #my fic #shut up nerd

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