#trying to keep my author dead etc etc but sometimes you see a comment and go :D | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotxcheeto · 2 years

Note

Fluff alphabet with kate ?

━ 𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅 𝐀𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐓

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Kate Marsh x G/N!Reader 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, Mentions of sadness, mentions of bad family

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - I hope this is the right template, took a while to find it. I've been so mentally drained lately, doing my best darling.

A = Activities (What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

Read, Kate loves to read to you. Especially on rainy days, just laying together. Listening to the sounds of thunder as she reads to you quietly, blushing every time she catches you staring at her. Or just showing off her drawings to you. Walks in the park or just in Arcadia along the road are her favorites as well. Seeing all the animals, her favorites are the bunnies or birds. B = Beauty (What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?)

Everything. You are so amazing in her mind, someone who is so gentle with her but can be so rough to everyone else. The way you hold yourself is her favorite, she admires and loathes your confidence and the way you'll tell anyone and their grandma to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Kate adores everything about you, you're so... you. C = Comfort (How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

Very touchy, lovey. Whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Hold you and let you cry about it, or just complain until your throat hurts. Kate will listen to all of your tyrants about shitty people at work or your bad home life, whatever it is. She'll sit there patiently and listen, commenting here and there. D = Dreams (How do they picture their future with their s/o?)

Kate loves her drawings, imagining herself as a children's book author. You with whatever career you're pursuing, sitting in a little house, with an extra room because she adores children and she wants to make sure you'll both have room. A few cats as well, loves cats, drinking coffee and sitting in front of the fireplace together listening to whatever show is on. A dream, really. E = Equal (Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?)

Very passive, love Kate and she can get a little feisty but you easily shadow her into a corner. Kate likes you making decisions for her, talking to people for her, just stepping up in general. Makes her feel safe, that she always has someone to fall back on. She's a nervous wreck more than half the time. And you cannot resist those puppy dog eyes. F = Fight (Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?)

You two rarely fight, you're usually the more angry one when it happens. Kate doesn't really get angry, unless its dead, deep serious. But she's very forgiving, and very quickly. Guilt sets in, even if it isn't her fault, which is usually isn't. She forgives way too easily in your opinion, one of you main arguments. She just takes hits, and you hate it. You love her too much for her to take that pain. G = Gratitude (How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

VERY. Literally cherishes everything you do for her because she knows that sometimes her nervousness or submissive demeanor could get on other peoples nerves. Her people pleasing nature when it comes to most. She knows most of what you do for her, and she'll literally treat you so well for it. H = Honesty (Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

No, she tells you everything. Almost everything. Kate doesn't like to be trouble, or 'bother' you even thought you have told her a million times that she could never bother you. You love her to a million pieces. So you can usually get it out of her. You tell her everything though, she's like your diary. Will keep a secret till the day she dies. I = Inspiration (Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

Yes, you're the person that inspires her stories, just little jokes you to have gets her gears turning. You really help her come out of her shell aswell, you'd never push her to far, just slightly past the line, test the waters. You know when it's too much for Kate. Just like she knows when something is too much for you. J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

Not really, when it comes down to it. Sure she'll get a bit insecure at times. But a good talk is usually the best thing you could do for the both of you. K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?)

Every kiss begins with K(ate). She's a shy kisser. Blushed like a tomato the first time you both kissed. Couldn't believe it, it was adorable. Kate prefers pecks, rather than deep kisses, but she's a pretty okay kisser. Just, new at it all. L = Love Confession (How would they confess to their s/o??)

Very random. Just spits it out if it comes down to it. Red in the face from something you'd said. Or you'd say it first, just because its very easily to tell when Kate has a crush. You knew, even if she denies it, you knew for sure. M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?)

Yes, a thousand times yes. They do say every kiss begins with K. She'd want you to purpose, if she did, and that is a very big if, it would be small. Just a simple 'here please marry me? Love you.' Super sweet and shy about it. Best wife every, lovely lady that you could be with forever. Will make you breakfast every morning, and do know she will remember every single anniversary. N = Nicknames (What do they call their s/o?)

Honey, Love, Darling, Babe (rarely but very cute when she does) muffin (jokingly) O = On Cloud Nine (What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

Literally like a romcom. Kate is head over heels in love with you and nothing is pulling her out. And it is very obvious to other people. She's adorable, what can you say, like a puppy. Very sweet, very soft when talking to you. Likes to talk to you, just talk. P = PDA (Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?)

Very nervous like I said, doesn't like more than holding hands in public or little kisses on the cheek or forehead. They don't say much to other people, if they bring you up she'll definetely make sure to send a little compliment your way. But everyone can see it, you treat Kate amazingly and Kate loves you to the moon and back. Goes bright red when you kiss her in front of other people, not a big fan of it. Q = Quirk (Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.)

Very easily talks you out of doing something stupid/out of anger. She c calm a tiger down from a fight. R = Romance (How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

Very. Romcom, loves romance books. Does everything to please you even when you tell her time and time again that she's perfect. Very cliché, make you breakfast in bed, expects flowers. Loves those token couples in shows no matter who they are, strives to make your relationship as lovey dovey as you'll let her. She's your soft spot, of course you'll let her do whatever romantic stuff she wants. S = Support (Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?)

VERYYYY. Kate is your biggest fan, number one cheerleader no matter what. Kate will forever be there ready to cheer you on, pick you up, give you advice. No matter what. T = Thrill (Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?)

Loves her routines, like I said, takes a minute to inch her out to try other things. Go slow, test waters. Likes small, spread out changes to the routine, but very much likes your routine. U = Understanding (How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

Very, very empathetic and understanding. Can reach into your depths and tear out your soul if need be. Pulls at your heart strings, really. She knows you better then she knows the back of her hand. Always knows what's wrong when you're upset, and always knows how to calm you down out of it. V = Value (How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

Extremely important, you are part of the top of the pyramid. Her family and religion is a huge part as well though, but when it comes to certain aspects you usually have a say. W = Wild Card (A random Fluff Headcanon.)

Loves to bake with you. Like, loves it, especially finding new recipes to try. Staying up late in your kitchen laughing about how bad your cupcakes are while hers are perfectly frosted. If she didn't do kids books, she could be a baker. X = XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

Yes, but in private. Doesn't like doing that out in public as I said. But loves to cuddle and kiss in private. Especially cuddling up on a rainy, thunderstorm filled day and just talk or read. Or even just hugging you as you cook or laying with you while you do homework or the other way around. Likes cuddling. Loves cuddling. Cuddling is needed. Y = Yearning (How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?)

Calls you all the time if she can. Loves to just hear your voice. Kate often will talk to her stuff animals, a council of great minds honestly. Just telling them about you like they hadn't heard it before. Cuddles with them and pretends its you. Z = Zeal (Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?)

Yes, she'd do a lot to protect you. Especially with her people pleaser tendencies. Its an argument you have a lot. Put you love her and she loves you. And that's enough to put up a fight for it.

#kate marsh x reader #kate marsh #life is strange x reader #life is strange #lis remastered #lis #nevy writes #special tag

74 notes · View notes

shunkani · 4 years

Text

Chapter 132 Levi/Hange Analysis

Summary: An attempt to explain the sentence in chapter 132

Levi: I see your one sided love with Titans still goes unrequited, four-eyes.

Hange: ...We’ll be getting along soon enough.　（…すぐに仲良くなるさ）

Disclaimer: this is just interpretation and not meant to be taken as official proof of romance between Levi and Hange in Attack on Titan. This is theory and nothing else. I’ve read multiple tweets and essays to compile my own thoughts.

I personally do not have any qualms with other ships, and this essay doesn’t discredit other Hange or Levi CP’s. Also, sorry but this essay has no pictures.

Lesson_____

A quick Japanese lesson (and language comprehension); I will try to make it painless. I make no assumption on the reader’s Japanese level/English grammar understanding and will be talking about it as is.

When は is combined with another particle, it puts emphasis in a way such as English has intonation. Since Japanese does not stress tone (like how one says the words sarcastically/meaningfully/sadly/cheekily) it uses particles to do this job.

So, when Levi says, “相変わらず巨人とは片思いのままだったなクソメガネ“

It means literally, “As always, still an unrequited love with Titans, four-eyes.”

Naturally, “Your love for Titans is one-sided, as usual, four-eyes.”

In Japanese, using には or とは creates a third, invisible option that is outside of the realm of the sentence.

When you use に or と or even は by itself, it creates a one dimensional statement. When used with other particles combined with は it creates another, outside dimension to the sentence. A third suggestion or comparison. は can be used as a comparative or stress particle as well as a topic marker.

quick example.

I didn’t go to the library with him. ->彼と図書館に行かなかった.（ Forward statement. It is as it is. ）

I didn’t go to the library with him. ->彼とは図書館に行かなかった（Implying I went there with someone else, but not him. ）

Just like you’d expect, English speakers understand the implications of stressing “him.” Just as Japanese speakers understand the implications of とは etc. If we stressed library(図書館には）instead of “boy” (彼とは）then it’s implication is that we didn’t go to the library with him, but maybe somewhere else. I hope this is clear.

____

Okay, on with the analyses. Just a note again, but I’ve naturalized any Japanese so that it’s not literal, but the meaning is the same so it’s easier to comprehend for native English speakers. I’ve changed “I” to “we” considering I formatted to fit essays.

From ストリキーネさん’s essay

Like others have said, Levi’s words feel like his true confession. Whether it’s romantic or not, it’s up in the air, but while making small talk and commenting about his long time comrade in arms, it seems like this comment is loaded with unlabeled feelings, like “You gross me out, but I feel something special for you and I get you.”

It feels natural to say “You still have unrequited love for Titans.” right after the banter of Hange and Pieck’s exchange. {note: 巨人に片思いのままだな is using に here, not とは, so it feels natural to say に）

So why did he use “とは” and not ”に”？

If there’s official announcement that say’s there’s no meaning to it, or that it’ll be corrected in the official volume, then this sentence will be meaningless. But if it’s intentional or even unconscious decision, we get the impression that he is recalling a third person (”me” ie Levi) among Hange and the Titans.

Moreover, hearing “four eyes” was unexpected and we can only imagine it was surprising for Hange too. Since we might have never expected that we’d hear “four eyes” in the original manga again, it’s perplexing, but feels filled with something like nostalgia.

With Hange taking over as commander and the world rapidly changing, we get the feeling that there’s a distance between them, at least from what is shown to us from the story.

Because of this short exchange about Titans, all at once we are brought back to “An eccentric, Titan-loving section commander,” and “Captain who’s fond of four-eyes,” and it’s moving.

There’s a little pause (note: talking about the “...” before Hange starts talking) at the end of Levi’s lines and the start of Hange’s dialogue. One wonders if it couldn’t be a mix between surprise and relief on Hange’s end.

Also, as many others have said, Levi is answering Hange’s “I’d prefer if we live here together,” from the forest, to the best that he can. There was no reason to look back at that scene in relation to this because Levi seemed to have brushed off Hange’s shocking statement, but since everyone was referencing that scene, a second re-examination was in order. (Note, the author actually said something a little more personal, so I condensed it to match a more essay-like statement)

Levi could have been surprised.

Someone who he’s known for a long time, and supported each other, and can admit that (Hange) can be troublesome sometimes, but also they hit it off well, yet each of their own responsibilities have become heavier and the world is in this state... in a situation like this, when suddenly alone together in a quiet forest, he might think Hange has stopped thinking if seriously suggesting to run away and saying things like “let’s live together.”

Under circumstances like this, if it were us, we’d likely want to do it, but remember we have responsibilities, maybe we don’t know what the other person feels, perhaps we’d rather we never heard it, so we pretend not to. In Levi’s case, perhaps pretend to sleep (pretending to not be able to hear it) or when he wakes up, change the subject completely.

It’s unlikely that Levi could give an answer on the spot, and would want time to figure it out.

(There’s more to the essay but it’s thoughts on relationships between people and some other things that don’t apply to the quote)

ーーーーー

Notes concluded from various twitter surfing:

Many JP fans think Levi’s statement alluded to the forest scene. It’s like his clumsy answer to Hange’s proposal, since he didn’t give a direct answer. Actually the essay above felt his answer was cold and ignored Hange. But Hange doesn’t seem displeased about it.

As many have said, Hange and Levi are definitely “adults” in this world. They both understand it’s not feasible to do the things they want to do, because their duties supersede that. Hange carries the immense duty of commander, and both hold the responsibility to stop Eren or fight for humanity as a whole.

It’s rather evident to me, even as an ordinary reader, that Levi did not want Hange to go. In fact, Hange says, 行かせて, “let me go.” and anticipated Levi would try to stop Hange. Mind you, it’s not “release me” but “I have to do this, so don’t stop me.” It took him three panels, focused on his dead-like eyes to finally say “Dedicate your heart,” something he’s apparently never said before. To me, “Dedicate your heart” is a self-sacrificing quote when applied to the Survey Corps. Pretty much “go in bravely, and don’t expect to come back.” Levi is a “Live and come back’ type. The strange thing is that Levi puts his hand on Hange and says it.. in Hange’s place..? It’s a salute before battle, but here it feels like a gentle sentence. Why it was delivered that way? I hope that Isayama will answer these questions in future interviews.

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

Another thing, Levi says みててくれ to Hange, a now deceased person. Levi has never asked anything from the dead. He’s mentioned fulfilling his promise to Erwin about killing Zeke, but some have found it strange for Levi to ask Hange to “Watch me (kill Zeke.”) (edit: the point is that Levi asked Hange to keep watching him, so it seems that his promises and goals may have changed)

One user said something pretty sad. “For Levi, I think Hange is treated as a MIA. Even if there’s no chance of survival, if Levi looks at Hange’s death, Hange has ended for him right there. So since Hange hasn’t ended, he said “ watch out for me.” That’s the reason why Levi, who’s looked at dead soldiers in the eye, didn’t look at Hange.”

It’s simply, Levi didn’t say “Rest in peace,” or “Goodnight.” but “See ya, Hange. Keep looking out for me.”

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

Going back to the quote about Titans, the summary is, that in Japanese, Levi’s speech seems incredibly nuanced because he uses language that suggests that Hange and him have come to a mutual feeling, and it’s simply by stating “with Titans” (but there’s a mutual love with me). That’s why the above essay questions if this isn’t a misprint or mistake, or perhaps it’s nothing at all. (I want to point out, that one user suggested it could refer to Eren, but it seems unlikely)

This is his “answer.” And Hange says...”...We’ll get along soon enough.”

There’s a “...” before Hange says that, indicating a pause, whether out of surprise by being called “four-eyes”, or carefully thinking on how to respond to “とは”

Some other notes before I close this up, I thought this was a nice thought on LeviHan:

Hange was introduced while talking and having contact with Levi and Hange exited while talking and having contact with Levi. Really, Hange’s story started and ended with Levi.

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

I apologize if this seems everywhere, I’m not particularly fond of writing, but for Hange’s last chapter, I feel like English speakers should get in on what Japanese levihan fans were saying.

終わり

#levihan #snk132 #essay

1K notes · View notes

terubakudan · 3 years

Text

This may be an old article from 3 years ago, but these cultural aspects/observations still apply even today. And though this is strictly a Chinese perspective, a lot of these everyday life bits are observed in Overseas Chinese communities in countries such as The Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, etc. as well as countries heavily influenced by Chinese culture like Taiwan, Japan, and Korea.

I've always liked learning about other cultures and making comparisons between how things are done East vs West. Which probably stems from growing up with two cultures and Mom raising me on American movies xD

So the irony is if you asked me how many Chinese, Taiwanese, or Hong Kong actors I know, chances are I know as much as you do xD Like Jackie Chan, Andy Lau, and that's about it. But if you asked me about Western (specifically American and British) actors, then I have a useless brain dump of movie trivia and who was with who in what movie xD

Hmmm, both Taiwan and the Philippines are two distinct cultures but both look up to a certain country and are fascinated by that. In Taiwan's case, Japan and the US for the Philippines. In both cases, this is due to being under the rule of those countries in their history. Taiwan being under Japan for 50 years, and the Philippines being under Spain for 300+ years, followed by periods of American and Japanese rule. To put it simply though:

Taiwan is "mini-Japan with a very Chinese culture".

The Philippines is "former colony of Spain with lots of American influences".

But unlike the author, I've never set foot in any Western country, so my understandings are strictly what I've observed in media, which while it can be accurate, doesn't compare to actually experiencing the culture.

Some further elaboration on most points:

#1 We quite literally use chopsticks for everything. We use it to pick rice, viands, vegetables, fruit, smaller desserts, almost all the food you can think of.

But where do you put your chopsticks when you're not using them? Just put them on top of your bowl or flat on your plate. But do not ever stick them vertically. It's taboo, since it looks like incense sticks, which we use to pray for those who have passed, like our ancestors or during funerary services.

#3 The majority of Asia is obsessed with fair/white skin. In my time at the Philippines, I grew up watching all these Dove Whitening commercials and my classmates often commented on how fair my skin was, how they envied it etc. In Taiwan, girls often say they don't want to 變黑 (biàn hēi) 'become dark'. Japan and Korea too are not innocent of this either (if their beauty/skin products weren't a dead giveaway).

People here at Taiwan often mistake me for being from Hong Kong or Japan (as long as I don't speak Mandarin with my heavy accent xD). A Taiwanese classmate of mine joked that she often gets mistaken for being from Southeast Asia due to having a darker complexion. And while I laughed it off with her at that time, looking back, I now realize she was lowkey being racist. xD

And believe me Filipinas have mentioned literally being told 'your skin is so dark' here in Taiwan, or being given backhanded compliments like 'you're pretty despite having dark skin' and...*facepalms*

My point is, beauty is not exclusive to skin color. People who still think that are assholes.

#5 Not to say we don't have salt and pepper, but yes soy sauce and vinegar are the classic condiments you see on the table, be it at home or at a restaurant.

And if I may add, Taiwanese love their pepper. xD If you ever get to eat at a night market or a smaller "Mom n' Pop-style" restaurant here, some dishes/soups tend to add quite an excessive amount of pepper. Not like anthills, but quite liberally and way more than average. Enough that you see traces of pepper at the bottom of the food paper bag or swirling in your soup. xD

#6 I know this all too well from personal experience. In my years of studying at Taiwan, I always had roommates. 3 in my first school (I graduated high school in the Philippines pre K-12 so I had to make up 2 years of Senior High), followed by 2 in college, with the exception of 1 in freshman year.

My college did offer single person dorms but at around 9000 NTD ($324) per month compared to around 6000 NTD ($216) per semester. Because I wanted to save, the choice was obvious for me xD. But ah, this doesn't mean I don't value personal space, in fact I love having the room to myself, and since both my roomies would go home to their families every weekend, weekends were bliss for me xD

And you don't have to be friends with your roommates (that's an added bonus however), you just have to get along with them. I was quite lucky to have really great roommates all throughout my schooling years.

#9 In the Philippines, we do. Owing mostly to American influences and maybe being predominantly Catholic? xD

#10 *sigh* Chinese parents and parents from similar Asian cultures tend to put too much emphasis on grades, so much that kids could get sent to cram school as early as elementary. This is because what school you get into could literally affect your future job opportunities, and while that's not exclusive to any particular country/culture, I feel it's especially pronounced here in Asia. I'm really lucky my own parents weren't that strict about it. However, if your parents don't point the mistakes out to you, chances are you'll do it yourself, if you're an Asian kid like me anyway. xD It just becomes a habit.

#11 My family is an exception to this. xD We do say 'I love you' directly, but complete with the 'ah eat well ok?', 'don't scrimp on food', 'sleep well' and similar indirect words/actions of affection. We were doing 'Conceal, Don't Feel' before it became popular. xD

#13 I'm kind of confused about this but this has sort have changed over the years in which eye-contact is now more encouraged. But don't stare, especially at elders and authority figures. Sometimes it's just shyness though. xD And I've observed this with my own Taiwanese friend, especially when I'm complaining or ranting to her about something. xD I'm a person who likes to express my opinions strongly, which tends to scare/alienate some of the locals here, as doing so is kind of frowned upon. Thankfully, she does listen and offers her take on things.

#14 Ah this. xD In the Philippines, this is a common greeting known as beso-beso, and I freaked out too when an auntie did that to me. xD Needless to say, Mom lectured me later on what that was. ^^"

#16 Along with #3 another crazy beauty standard. In my view, people always look better with a little meat on them and when they're not horribly thin. Asia still has a loonng way to go with accepting different types of bodies if you ask me. This combined with modern beauty standards has made the pressure for women especially to 'look beautiful' higher than ever.

I know many people love them but please, starving yourself or glorifying eating disorders is never OK just to get this kind of 'ideal' body. I'm not part of the Kpop fandom, but even I think when idols get bullied just for gaining the least bit of weight among other insensitive comments, that's really going too far.

#17 'If you want to make friends, go eat.' <- I couldn't agree more. In the Philippines we have a greeting: 'Kumain ka na ba?' (Have you eaten?) . Similarly in Taiwan, we have 吃飯了沒? (chī fàn le méi), both of these can mean that in the literal sense but are often used as greetings instead. By then which invitation to having lunch/dinner together may or may not follow. Food really is a way for us to socialize and to catch up with what's going on in each other's lives. Not to say we don't have regular outings like going out to the mall, going shopping, etc. but eating together is a huge part of our culture, be it with family or friends.

And while I'm at it, some memes that are way too accurate good to pass up xD

Parents, uncles, aunties alike will fight over the bill xD

Alternatively:

You just space out until your name is called xD

My parents are guilty of the last one. Logic how? xD

#18 True. xD I like giving compliments out to people but I have a hard time accepting them myself, though I've learnt how to accept them much more now than before. We're kind of raised to constantly downplay ourselves so we often say things like 'ah no no' or 'I'm really not that good'. The downside of this of course is that it can come off as somewhat fake. xD

Again from personal experience, that same classmate who made the lowkey racist remark, she was good, she was on the debate team, was a honor student, knew how to mingle with people, but she downplayed herself way too much, while praising me but I honestly thought that she never really meant it from how she treated me. She wanted to keep me around her yet make backhanded compliments at me and she didn't want me socializing with my other classmate who is now my friend. *sigh* It was only after discussing this with one of my roomies did I realize how this 'excessive downplaying' might come off to people like me who more or less grew up with a more 'Westernized' mindset. I'm not saying brag about your achievements but don't be overly humble about them either, which can also be a turn off.

#20 We do tend to be a lot more realistic on how we view things, neither entirely optimistic nor pessimistic. We try to think of things practically and often analyze things on pure logic. A downside of this however, is that Chinese people can be overly practical. Taiwanese for instance don't like to 'find inconveniences' and generally keep to themselves, meaning, they won't help you in your hour of need even when they do have the capabilities. Sounds really harsh I know, but in my 6 years of living in Taiwan, while this doesn't apply to all the people, a lot of them really do only find/talk to you when they need something.

So for some people saying Taiwanese are 'friendly', that's BS xD If you ask me, Filipinos are infinitely more friendly, and again while not all, generally make more of an effort to help you when you need it. I really felt more of a real sense of community during my years growing up in the Philippines compared to Taiwan.

#21 Children do tend to stay with their parents well into college and adulthood, since Chinese families are indeed very family-oriented, in a lot of cases, grandparents often live under the same roof as us as well! And it really does save a lot of money. I see there's a real stigma in the US when it comes to "living with your parents", but that's starting to change especially because of Covid and having more and more people move back in with their parents.

Housing unfortunately is pretty much hella expensive no matter where you go, and Taiwan is no exception. Steep housing prices and the very high cost of raising a child (schooling + buxiban fees, etc.) contribute to a very low birth rate and thus an aging population like Japan. It's not uncommon to see both parents working in Taiwan.

#23 I'm an overthinker myself, but I totally agree with the author that the best is to strike a good balance between these two. Which I guess is why I love drawing or any other related creative attempts, it helps me be more spontaneous or well, creative! I like to remain intellectually or artistically inspired.

#24 Is French high school really like that? xD My friend did watch SKAM France and more or less got a culture shock from what was depicted on the show. I can confirm however that most high schools both in the Philippines and Taiwan require students to wear a uniform, only in college is everybody free to wear casual/civilian clothes.

#26 Ah this is part of our Asian gift-giving etiquette xD We always open gifts later after the event/meeting and in private. Never open them in front of the person who gave it to you or in front of others. This is to prevent any 'shame/embarrassment' that may result both to yourself and to the gift giver. I know this may come off as something weird since some people may want a more honest response or immediate feedback when it comes to gift-giving, but that's just how it is in our culture. You're always free to ask us though (in private) if we liked the gift or not ^^"

#28 I want to say the same goes to drinking, partying, and drugs however xD Those are things which are still frowned upon in our culture. And to be honest, whenever I see those in movies, it does kind of turn me off xD It doesn't mean that we're "uncool" or "boring", we just think that there are much better or healthier ways of "having fun".

#31 Is this true in France?! Man I would kind of prefer that instead of people being on their phones all the time xD This kind of goes with #20 in that Chinese are overly practical or logical, and don't read fiction as much as nonfiction. My Taiwanese friend is an exception though, she's a bibliophile who loves the feel of paper books compared to e-books, and it's a trait of her that I like a lot. Both the Philippines and Taiwan however have a huge fanbase when it comes to manga and anime though.

I'm all for reading outside of "designated reading" at schools especially. Reading fiction improves your vocabulary too, and can be quite fun! It helps you imagine and really invest in a world/story, and if you ask me something that I feel Westerners are better at, they're more in touch with their emotions and creativity, and are thus much more able to write compelling or original stories. Believe me, I've seen a fair amount of Chinese movies that rip off Western movie plotlines xD

#33 Nothing much to add on here..except that since I'm a "weird" person, Mom often jokes that she got the wrong baby from the hospital. xD

#35 True. While I agree with the care and concern that your fellow community can give you, the downside of this is we tend to only hang out with our own people, e.g Chinese with Chinese, Taiwanese with Taiwanese, etc. I've seen too that it's especially hard to make friends in Japan and Korea as a foreigner. Not only is there the language barrier, but the differences in culture too. In a way, Asians can be pretty close-minded on getting to know other cultures or actually making friends with people from other countries. I know this all too well being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, being neither "Filipino" enough nor "Taiwanese" enough. xD It's more of people here being too used to what they're comfortable with.

#36 Oh this is something I feel that Chinese students and other students from similar cultures should really improve on. xD How will people respect you if you don't speak your mind?

I felt bad especially for my Spanish teacher in college, granted it was an introductory course (Spanish I and II) but the amount of times that our teacher had to prompt a student to recite/speak even with clear hints already made her (and me too) extremely frustrated. The thing is, these are college students, I personally feel they don't have any reason to be so shy of speaking and technically by not doing so they're slowing the pace of the class too much and a lot of time is wasted.

Unfortunately you can't always be very vocal with your thoughts and opinions in most Asian cultures. I would say strive for that, but at the same time, play your cards well, especially if you're in a workplace setting.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading and here's a cookie! 🍪 I'm not perfect and there's bound to be something I missed so please let me know if you spotted anything wrong. Feedback/questions are very much welcome and please feel free to share about your country/culture's differences or similarities!

54 notes · View notes

lqtraintracks · 3 years

Text

On Commenting

Heya! Okay, so I’m not sharing this in order to shame the commenter, not at all. (I have been this person in the past, and I’m not proud of it. Being a dick in fandom and then learning how not to be a dick is sometimes a part of the process.) I don’t want to share their name or even which fic they’d read, etc., because this is not about shame or retribution (and if you’re one of the people who might want to go shout at this person on my behalf--and you know who you are, and I love you, but please don’t), I really don’t want that, okay? But I do want to share the comment and my response to it, because a) I’ve seen an uptick in entitled comments on other writers’ work lately, comments that freely critique the work right there where the authors can see it, and b) I think it’s important to do something really, really simple in this community that we’ve made together, to do and have this one consistent thing in a fandom space that keeps changing and shifting all the time. And that thing is... Be nice. So to that end, here is the comment I woke up to this morning: “This is so unrealistic though, Harry is in fact stronger than Draco magically and he is a much better Seeker, and you took away his entire personality just so that he can simp over a death eater who made fun of his dead mother, stepped on his face and let Death Eaters into Hogwarts. I love drarry but not like this”

And here is my response: Hi there. You're certainly allowed your opinion and feelings on this and any other piece of writing. That's cool. We could argue all day over the little details of it—what is ‘realistic’ when the entirety of canon is witches and wizards? what is ‘realistic’ in fanfic? is the goal of fanfic to stay indelibly true to canon or to subvert it? is there any such thing as ‘realistic’ in storytelling in the first place? We could go on and on. We could argue over whether your own opinion on realism is indeed what’s ‘real’ or if you, too, are biased toward certain aspects of canon and away from others. I mean, JKR hated Draco; Drarry itself, canonically speaking, is super unrealistic in the first place.

But ultimately, those things aren’t important. The fact that you read [thousands of words] of this story and still hated it and commented on that fact isn’t all that important, though I find it interesting that you were (apparently) compelled enough to read it while also disliking it quite a lot.

Here’s what I think the take away is though (and this has very little to do with me personally): This is not a nice way to comment on someone’s story. Which, when I write it out like that, seems so super obvious. You seem really upset by my choices in this story, so maybe whether or not you were being nice versus mean just wasn’t in the forefront of your mind. You were upset, you commented in the heat of the moment, the end. And in that regard, I’m sorry my story was upsetting to you. I do get that… when a story doesn’t go your way or the way you’d hoped or expected. I’ve had that very feeling while reading. But do you know what I did with it? I realized those were my feelings that I am responsible for, not a fanfic author; I back-buttoned out and went and fumed privately or to a close friend; and then I didn’t read that author again (or did so warily).

The thing is—and I’m just going to be honest here, numerically speaking; I’m not trying to have a big ego—I get a lot of comments. A lot of nice ones. Particularly on this story, which I don’t think is my best by far, but for some reason people love it, and I’m appreciative of that. So I don’t need you or everyone to like it, and I don’t expect that. This comment wasn’t decimating to me. But… if you comment this way on someone else? Someone new to this, someone who doesn’t get a lot of comments, someone nervous to post their work, you could decimate someone. Do you want to do that? Do you want to be mean to fanfic writers who are doing this for free for you? Whose only ‘payment’ is the comment they get from you? Is that who you want to be, the role you want to play in fandom?

And I’m just here asking you: Please don’t. I can take it. Other writers shouldn’t have to. To put it really simply, it’s just not nice. And it’s not constructive. Some people couch their desire to be mean or to be righteous as ‘constructive criticism’, and believe me, I’m not a fan of that approach either. But this is clearly not even that. You’re upset, and you wanted me to know that. Okay. Like I said, I can take it. I’ve been around awhile. But I do not want you to think this is something that’s okay to do to someone, anyone, including me, even though I can take it.

Do you know what I was going through when I wrote this story? Hell, my friend. I was in hell, and I was trying to write myself out of it. Do you know how long this story took me to write? A year. A freaking year. And I’m really proud of it, though I now find some parts cringey and weak. That’s just a part of growing as a writer. I’m glad it’s a bit cringey. It means I’m better now. But I wrote this in my own personal hell, and I worked on it for a year, and I’m proud of this story and what I accomplished while writing it. It’s okay that you don’t like it. But it took you, what, two minutes? Five? To dress it down? Please, I’m asking you nicely at this point, don’t do this to other writers. It’s not nice.

Don’t like? Don’t read. Get 20k in and find something awful? I feel for you. It’s happened to all of us. Use the back button, complain to your best friends, and let it go. You’re not obligated to be nice to authors in your comments, but I’m telling you, if you want more free fic, you should consider it. Because people won’t stick around if this is what they get for all their hard work, you know? Consider niceness. That’s all I ask.

And I do genuinely hope you find a fic that’s more to your liking soon. Finding that fit between a fic writer’s vision and your own is magic. Just, when that doesn’t happen, it’s good to learn how to move on without blaming the writer, you know?

Peace. (Seriously, I do mean that. I would shake your hand if we weren’t in a global pandemic.) <3

#on commenting #on fanfic #and to be clear I'm not asking people to be nice about such things as racism or misogyny or transphobia #just about a story not being how they wanted it #you know?

239 notes · View notes

tossawary · 3 years

Note

How do you prepare for a writing session? I have a terrible time focusing on anything and would love some pointers

My focus has been all over the place lately, but, ahhh, here are a bunch of things that help me personally focus on getting that WIP done:

- Deadlines. Deadlines make me focus like nothing else. If I allowed myself to officially say that my update day needed to be Thursday this week instead of Wednesday, the chapter would come late on Thursday. Having an official update day of the week helps me pace myself.

(Having that day of the week not be a weekend day lets me actually relax and enjoy my weekend, which helps me recharge.)

- Outlines. Having an outline to follow makes it easier to write a lot all at once or to pick up where I left off if I’m writing in bursts. My outlines are a mess of point-form notes with all the plot and character moments I think I need to hit. Sometimes they’re snippets of nice-sounding dialogue and sometimes they’re things like, “Shang Qinghua says something here that reminds the audience of the existence of X plot detail coming up shortly.”

Or: “- Shang Qinghua does Y action. - Mobei-Jun is amused.”

I can dig up one of my outlines for a PINTWILF chapter. I have nearly all of them still, I think. Some of them have very detailed outlines and then some of them were super vague, like, “I HAVE A VISION, LET’S GO BEFORE I LOSE IT.”

I have a notes document with the outlines and a document that I’m actually writing in. Sometimes, I’ll have the side by side on my screen, with the notes document on my left, so I can glance between the two as I write.

(When I do this, I keep a third window hidden, which contains my music tabs and my thesaurus tabs and my distraction tabs. If I can’t see it, it helps.)

Sometimes, if I want one big window, I’ll copy-paste the outline into my writing document, underneath the in-progress writing, separated by a “CONTINUE HERE”. The point-form notes come up one by one, and I delete the point-form notes as I hit them until the copy-pasted outline is gone.

- If your eyes are slipping over the words, change the font and the font size. A large, dyslexic-friendly font like Comic Sans is usually good. Switching fonts is also good for spell-checking.

Shorter paragraphs can also make things seem snappier and catch my eyes better. They can also reveal the beats (plot, character, tension, etc.) of a scene. Once your bones are made clear, you can always go back in and rejoin paragraphs, or elaborate on the beats that need it.

- Honestly, just having massive chunks of free time (yay, being confined to my house) is what has allowed me to write this much. When I have errands or chores or tasks, I try to get them over with before I start writing, because constantly thinking “I need to remember to pay that bill after this” is a focus-breaker. It’s easier to just do it now so I don’t forget later.

Work is left at work! So fun writing time can be fun writing time only!

If I’m hungry or thirsty or need to use the bathroom, I just get up and go do that. Being hungry or thirsty makes my brain uncooperative. It needs energy to do its thing! Get up, solve the body’s problem, take the opportunity to stretch, and then my focus isn’t constantly divided by thinking, “I’m hungry.” Meals and other needs shouldn’t be withheld as rewards! They’re needed for writing!

If my feet are cold, I go get socks. One more distraction eliminated!

On a similar note, sometimes I can’t focus because I feel like I haven’t “accomplished enough” of other things and it feels like I have other things I should be doing. Taking a walk, cooking a meal (or a treat!), or getting a task or chore out of the way can help with that. I have Accomplished Something and now I can write freely!

- Give myself permission to just GET IT DONE and then go back and improve upon it later is a huge help. My writing doesn’t have to be pretty. I don’t have to get it right on the first try. I can go back and make it nice later.

If it’s feeling a little flat, I can come back later and tone it up.

If it’s feeling a little too much, I can come back later and tone it down.

I also don’t have to go back and make it nice later. Projects can be imperfect.

Likewise, it’s good to give myself permission to be direct when I’m writing. “Oh, damn, I need Shang Qinghua to cross the room here,” I’ll say, and it feels like I’ve hit a dead end. How do I write that transition? I write: “Shang Qinghua crossed the room.” Done! Stage directions don’t have to be fancy!

Maybe I’ll add an adverb later on the second pass, but dialogue can convey that he crossed the room carefully (“Are you... okay?”) or angrily (“What is wrong with you?!”) well enough.

I’m also allowed to just use “said”. Sometimes less is more!

- I’m only “allowed” to post one WIP to AO3 at a time. That also helps.

If you have other WIPs that feel like they’re dragged you down, you can just mark them as “incomplete” or “on hiatus”. Feeling accountable to others helps me write, but it also helps to remind myself I don’t “owe” my time or effort to any project if I’m not feeling it right now. People might be disappointed that I’m not writing what they want or that I even have to backtrack on a promise, but their disappointment isn’t really my problem. I’m allowed to change my mind.

Sometimes ideas have limits. Some ideas can become feature-length films and some ideas can become 6-hour mini-series and some ideas are only really worth about a short film (unless you bring in more characters and themes and sub-plots, etc). Sometimes, you have to get the writing version of a seam-ripper, figure out what you’re not vibing with, and come back with more characters and themes and sub-plots to make an idea vibe with you again.

And sometimes it’s good to follow Marie Kondo’s example and go, “You know what? This unfinished fic taught me that I do not enjoy writing fics like this.” Or: “This unfinished fic taught me that I do not vibe with this idea.”

- Sometimes, music is more distracting than anything else, especially when I’m writing dialogue. I’ll turn music off when I need to “hear” the dialogue better. Listening to ambience mix style stuff that goes on for hours can help set the mood and also means I’m not distracted by constantly picking new music.

- Sometimes I wear specific outfits or change into a different outfit when I want to be in a better mood for writing. Usually into a more comfortable outfit. (But sometimes there’s a scene that calls to be written by an author wearing a fancy dress! However, I find very fancy outfits are for very rare occasions.)

Brushing my hair or brushing my teeth before a writing sessions can help me feel refreshed. Sometimes I shower before my writing sessions. I find it relaxing to feel clean. Changing bedsheets or rearranging the couch to my liking can help too. Sometimes, I channel the energy of a bird picking at my nest and fluffing my feathers, for the Best Environment and Best Look! These cleaning behaviors are important for attracting mates and all the jazz, but they’re also good for attracting personal happiness and good writing vibes.

- Rereading comments before a writing session can help me feel pumped.

I answer comments or asks in bunches because most often I prefer to direct my energy towards my writing sessions. I love the comments and the asks! So much that sometimes I want to hoard them forever! But sometimes I need to set them aside so that I can keep making the writing I enjoy.

Sometimes it can be distracting, though.

- Okay! I think that’s everything off the top of my head! Key points for me:

Time!

Preparation!

Comfort!

Environment!

Different techniques will work differently for different people, of course. Sometimes, these techniques work very well for me and sometimes I just get more distracted. Oh, last thing is something I’m bad at, but: if it feels like I really need to sleep, I probably really need to sleep. Naps are my friend.

So are break weeks. Recharging is good.

#marichromatic #ask tossawary

39 notes · View notes

13tinysocks · 3 years

Note

I wanna see some anti fanfic rec plspls

You asked for it. May I present, a creepypasta x reader anti-reading list.

Quick Disclaimer: No author names will be dropped nor fic links or sites they’re on. I dislike these works but I don’t want anybody to be harassed. Don’t go after people, holy shit. These works are only here because of some heavily disturbing content. One of them just makes me super mad because of a few circumstances. These are purely my opinions. I am not writing Jesus nor do I write the cleanest stories out there. Dark topics should be explored in fiction. However, some things just shouldn’t fucking be romanticized. Fanfic is practice, I’m not taking points off for wonky writing.

You’re allowed to like whatever the fuck you want. I’m not shaming you or the authors. I’m talking about media I dislike, which I am completely allowed to do. If your friend or favorite author’s work is in here, maybe don’t send this to them. I get it’s tempting but still, it could be upsetting. Again, don’t fucking harass anybody.

This list is in order of - Pisses me off to FBI open up to whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck.

Content warning for: Rape, miscarriages, abortion, necrophilia, sexism, child grooming, multiple types of abuse, ablism, and meanie head criticism of popular fics. Seriously, this gets exceptionally bad at the final one.

First up in our lineup a pretty popular. It’s the least upsetting and problematic. It’s a various creepypasta x reader mansion fic. This is more of an honorable mention because it’s frustrating to read over being super bad.

Recruited.

Summary: (Y/n) killed an attempted rapist and covered it up years ago. She is recruited into the cpp’s to be considered as a proxy along with two others. Follow her through a journey of no character development into becoming a proxy.

What’s wrong with it?

-Brian literally is a misogynist. He literally hates women.

-(Y/n) is an asshole. Not in an entertaining bad bitch way. No, in an unaware bland way. Points off for being a business major, girl you have no soul and it shows.

-She is treated like the voice of reason who is always morally correct. Thing is, if anyone is neurodivergent or mentally ill and ya’know shows symptoms of it, they’re cRaZy, evil, and an annoyance.

-Yes, people creeping on or getting clingy can be shitty/annoying but sometimes the way (Y/n) acts is completely unjust. It left a bad taste in my mouth because the character felt okay to be shitty to people who weren’t like her.

-The endings are disheartening and make no fucking sense. Cody, who is clingy at worst, gets rejected Jack, who TRIES TO BREAK (Y/N)’S FUCKING LEG, gets with her. Can I get a HELLO??????

-(Y/n) also doesn’t get with Jeff who suddenly turned into her brother character after hundreds of pages of romantic tension. Again, Recruited is not inherently bad but it may be really disappointing to people who are here for 1-2 specific characters.

-Queer bait-y author’s notes and inconstant love interests. Author’s notes would read like “Teehee, maybe I’ll make (Y/n) have Jane and/or Natalie endings……” But that never happens after it’s teased multiple times. I get not wanting to add more to your plate but don’t suggest it if you don’t want to do it or only want to please heterosexual readers.

-They put Tim outside like a dog for being a bad boy.

-Author’s notes and percentages fill in details for the reader that aren’t in the fic. I’m not going to read all of that. Put important information in the fic.

-Lot’s of excessive jealousy. Painfully heteronormative.

What about the good?

Readable. Dramatic like Big Brother. Can be an entertaining read if it’s your thing.

Conclusion

Left a bad taste in my mouth. I feel like the author literally hated half the cast and was annoyed while writing them. When you don’t enjoy writing something it shows. Also, her other work (pandemic! Reader X X-Virus) is super tone-deaf and I don’t recommend that either. Don’t recommend joining this fic’s Discord server either. Won’t get into details but in my and my friend's experience: it’s not a good environment with a lot of playing favorites.

Next up on our list is a grossly popular Eyeless Jack X Reader fic.

My Imaginary Monster

Summary: Immoral monster, Eyeless Jack, sneaking into a 5-year-old girl's room. He gets attached, sticks around through her childhood. Thing is, he gets real creepy. Starts to catch feelings for a 16-year-old he’s watched grow up. He kisses a minor who reciprocates his feelings which is textbook child grooming. Nasty fucker runs away, there’s some drama from that. (Y/n) grows up, comes back to town, and Jack’s a’creepin’.

What’s wrong with it?

-Jack is a literal child groomer.

-Do I need to say more??? Immortal adult kisses a 16 y/o. Gross.

-People in the comments are going gaga for grooming. Are you kidding me, he’s a pedophile.

-The OC’s take up more than half of the ~200 page run time. I couldn’t get attached to any of them even after the supposed significance. Which is fine but they took up so much of the fic that it got boring and annoying incredibly quickly.

What’s good about it?

I enjoyed Ben. He did the right thing and I can respect that. Trans and poluyamourus reprrensentation.

Conclusion:

No child grooming in my fucking lobby. I think the author was trying to paint it in a bad light. But the thing is, you can write a creepy stalker fic without making them a groomer. A lot of people are trying to escape their troubles through fanfic, including those who’ve dealt with sexual abuse. Don’t bring that into x reader spaces. Don’t put readers through that again.

Last and absolutely least we got a Tim X Reader.

BIG TW. FUCKING HUGE TW. MOST OF THE TW’S FROM EARLIER ARE FROM THIS ONE FIC.

Pure Forgiveness.

Summary: (Y/n) is abused by her mom. Her dad killed himself and she’s all (Y/n)’s got in this world. Until Tim comes along and “saves” her. He takes her to the mansion and keeps her as a pet to torture.

I’m going to get into all the nitty-gritty to satisfy your morbid curiosities so you don’t read it.

What’s wrong with it?

-Chapter 1 opens with (Y/n)’s miserable life. Her mom hates her so much she has a fucking torture table for (Y/n).

-There’s an attempted rape in chapter 2.

- She’s taken to the mansion by Tim in chapter 3 because he’s “off his medication” and “acting nicer than normal”. Hi, mentally ill person here, that’s not how it fucking works you ding dong.

-Mental illness is made out to we wholly evil.

-Also tic’s are made out to be scary. As a person with tics, don’t write tics as scary or super weird. Thanks.

-(Y/n) not being able to escape, fight back rapists, and other horrible shit is labeled as weak.

-At one point (Y/n) is dragged through the mansion, beer bottles and used condoms are thrown at her. Girl has to shower off cum.

-(Y/n) is tortured in various ways. Mostly beaten, berated, burned, cut, starved, etc.

-She is drugged and repeatedly raped by Brian and Toby. These rapes are recorded and shown to (Y/n).

-Brian has black hair. Why?

-Toby and Brian give (Y/n) a forced abortion.

-(Y/n) gets raped almost every fucking chapter.

-At one point Jack orally rapes (Y/n) to abort a baby.

-Toby and Brian are necrophiles. They skull fuck a corpse at some point. It is graphically described how they like to have sex with dead bodies.

-Slenderman forcefully impregnates (Y/n) to “keep the (Tim’s) baby safe” whatever the fuck that means.

Why does this happen?

Because Tim wants a kid because his dad raped his mom and his mom was a prostitute. He’s soooo sad guys :(((

Feeling hungry? Here’s some things that are eaten by various characters.

-Hair

-Cum (forced)

-Toby

-Piss

-A miscarried baby

What’s good about it?

Nothing. Fucking nothing. Don’t read it.

Conclusion

If you like this fic you need therapy, I’m not joking. It’s like a car crash and Rob Zombie movie horribly mish-mashed together. It sucks. The comments praise literal abuse and berate (Y/n) for being afraid. Fuck this fic and everything it stands for. It’s shock horror and torture for the sake of it. It makes no fucking sense and it’s harmful. People think this is okay. It’s not.

Thank you to my pals in the server for helping out and finishing some of these where I could not. Especially you Connie, everyone say thank you Connie she got through Pure Forgiveness. Absolute trooper legend. Again, don’t go out of your way to harass these people. I made this list so you can avoid these works because they have the potential to be upsetting. I’m not the police, I can’t force anyone to stop nor do I want to. Author’s are allowed to explore dark topics but some should be done respectfully or not at-fucking-all. I hope these people grow as writers and understand treating some things a certain way isn’t cool. You can enjoy dark fics, I do too, fuck I write them too, but Jesus God, some things are a no from me chief.

#creepypasta x reader #rea talks #anon #reply #tw rape #tw abuse #read what you want #im not demanding the cancelationof these people thats dumb i just hope they grow and change #i read and write dark fic but you have to be aware of some shit dude lol #also jealousy and yandere fics r typically bad #like not every fic i reccomend or write is going to be problem free but theyre tolerable and interresting i think #im deadass when i say dont read the last one it is awful.

57 notes · View notes

writtenwhalien · 3 years

Text

thank you ♡

hey everyone! so having finished aoy, first I wanna say a big thank you to everyone who has/is reading it — like any other author on this website, I put a lot of effort into it and although it stresses me out sometimes, it’s become very dear to me! I’ll always be happy to answer any questions on it in case anything confused you (bc sometimes it was confusing 😂). I read and see every single comment and rb (even on other stories) and I’m a bit behind on replying but I thank you all so much for it bc it makes my day 💘 (and some of you tumblr doesn’t let me tag you in replies )):

now that I’ve finished it, I’m going to be taking a little break from writing to focus on a deadline I have coming up in two weeks, and after that, I’ll be working on a jimin bday/halloween fic, alongside run to you ☺️ initially I wanted to write for hobi and yoongi next bc I haven’t written for them yet, but I still need to fully develop my plans for their fics :))

I feel like in the 11 months I’ve had this blog, I’ve been writing a lot of content (three series and multiple fics/drabbles in between), and I really need to slow it down so from now on hopefully my updates will be more consistent instead of me working my ass off for one fic, only to go brain dead and take three weeks for another one. (also I hope it’ll help me keep my writing style consistent bc when I write too much I really feel like my quality of writing goes down). I’m still going to be writing a little every day though 😋

but I might not release a lot for the next two/three months bc I’m starting my final year of college and I have more days in labs etc. I’m also trying to focus more on myself and doing things that make me happy (lmao mental health takes priority 🙂), and as well as that, in november i’ll be an aunty for the first time! 🥰 so yeah, just a bit more busy these days. I’ll always still be here, just wanted to update anyone who cares 😅 anyway, love you all!!!! ❤️

here’s a few of my recent updates from the last two months:

all of you pjm (now completed)

believe it pjm

run to you jjk (teaser)

studio sessions jjk

the king’s daughter ksj

#pls someone show me how to add a read more when I’m using my phone #bc when I googled it #it was so confusing and didn’t work 😩#amelia talks

13 notes · View notes

iamkhange · 3 years

Text

Why is Israel a developed country, and why are we still developing?

I am not a very good writer or author. But one day, I sat down to write my thoughts,

Think about it, some irrelevant ideas and questions are starting to get very annoying these days, like:

· Why is Israel a developed country, and why are we growing?

· Why does he have so many resources that he is selling the world and we are just borrowing?

· Are they still a chosen nation, and our share is limited to the "promise of intercession"?

When I started drowning in these and many other questions, I resorted to Google, proving to be very strong.

Many things between the Jewish nation and the Muslims

Like meet

Both are Abrahamic religions

Believe in one God

To worship him

To be cleansed

make ablution

To do charity

Slaughtering and eating animals

Don't eat pork

Circumcision

Believing that jinn are God's creation

Considering Satan disobedient

The act of considering the people of Lot a sin

Don't recognize a relationship without marriage

On the coming of the Messiah before the resurrection

Believing in the reckoning on the Day of Resurrection

Thinking in the same way of being resurrected after death (being made back from the tail bone)

Witt: The practical methods of all these ordinary things are different; for example, they call Allah by another name, the practise of ablution and prayer is different, their Messiah is different, etc.

Now the surprise increased from here that despite so many similarities and similarities, how did they move forward? While here (God forbid), religion has become a chain of feet, the children graduating from our madrassas are seldom integrated into the outside world, and in the modern lifestyle, they are barely visible, any skill anyway. It is not part of our education system that the child is still "reading" (why it is inappropriate for us to teach skills while learning).

We have included religion only in everyday life till the azan at birth and the funeral prayer at death. The rest of it has been left in the niche. The two are not conceived at the same time. Yes, some schools or madrassas are now promoting religious and scientific education together, but on the one hand, their number is like salt in flour; on the other hand, their fees are out of the commoner's pocket. And if the money came in the bag and then the education system of London, Europe and America would look fine, then very few children are getting an education from these modern madrassas.

After madrassas, school and college education is also in an awful condition in our country. An example of our education system is termite infested wood. We memorize it. But the same child cannot write 5 to 10 lines on any subject other than these.

Curriculum and the practical world are two different things; there is no match between them; education is so expensive that if one leaves with a degree, he is worried about "recovering his investment" first.

And after all, the sad thing is that 44.5% of children go to high school; 55 out of every 100 children do not go to school.

Beloved God, the Prophet (peace be upon him), prioritized the gathering of knowledge and education over the meeting of remembrance and supplication that I was sent as a teacher (Ibn Majah).

And more than 25 million children in Pakistan do not go to school ... (These are pre-Corona statistics)

In Israel, schooling is free and compulsory, as well as skills and practical business training, paid for by the school/government, and the dropout is skilled. Yes, and also business, he also bears and collects the cost of his further education. Thus, the country's economy is also strengthened, and the expenditure incurred on the child's teaching also starts coming back.

There was no oil in the house at the Prophet's death, but three swords of personal use were hanging on the wall.

On the occasion of the trench warfare, the Muslims dug a fifteen-mile long trench in fifteen days with stones tied to their stomachs and defended Medina on an empty stomach.

Referring to both incidents, Israel's defense minister bought heavy weapons from the United States in the 1973 Arab-Israeli war, saying that even if it provided the nation with only one loaf of bread for 20 years, the world would see only a winner after the war. Not empty stomach

In 1973, we lost Bengal, and Israel increased some of its territories.

There is no water in Israel, they make seawater usable, grow crops from it, drink it, and now they have become so skilled that they are selling the world, even purified water, to purify it. Plants, crops grown on them, animals raised on them and their milk/meat,

Despite being the most extensive canal system, it is sometimes time to import wheat and sugar (which are among our significant crops) despite being primarily an agricultural country.

The Hour will not come until the Muslims fight the Jews and kill them until the Jews hide behind a rock or a tree.

“O Muslims! This Jew is behind me. Come and kill him, except for the tree of Gharqad, because he is one of the trees of the Jews” (Sahih Muslim).

Despite being the world's technology hub, Israel has grown the most trees in the last 50 years. While the number of trees in the rest of the world is declining, Israel is the only country growing.

He (the Antichrist) will come to the babe Lud in Palestine. Jesus (PBUH) will have descended, and here they will kill him ... Hadith

Today, Israel has a military airport in Lud and has excellent security.

So, sir, the thing is that religion is not a chain of feet, nor does a large population hold anyone back. On the contrary, the most vital factor that hinders progress is mental retardation, the thought of not moving forward.

If our prime minister said that women's clothes cause mischief, he would also give some ugly justification for the crimes committed against older women, boys, girls, dead (dead bodies). But in our country, Islam starts with a woman's clothes and ends with four marriages of a man. There is no rule of training or justice, no control of the self and no control over the eyes. There is no question of passing any verse of knowledge, of discovery,

Well, this is a collective matter, which we all blame the government and its policies and acquit our political party and ourselves, but our role as individuals is no more negligible.

We never try to pick up a loser, but we call him so bad that he loses confidence in his return. To get a chance to hit a woman,

Mobile has become very popular; about 30 million people in Pakistan currently use smartphones, but sadly, the top trends in search are cricket series, cricketers, political scandals, controversial and bold actors, education, health. We have nothing to do with research and knowledge. Thanks to Corona, the only "Google classroom" in terms of education is still in trend in 2020.

The epidemic is also considered a "business season" in our country, and things are expected at 4 to 6 times higher prices, oxygen cylinders are missing from the market, and a simple mask is available at 20 to 25.

Of course, not everyone is like that; many people are doing perfect things, retail shops deliver rations to needy homes, schools give free education to poor children, etc.

But all this is not enough. It is like salt in the flour. For development, we all have to move forward, so whatever you are, whatever your status, think of collective benefits, your neighbor, partner, house. Help, employee, friend, brother, make encouragement a motto in every relationship, encourage them to move forward, ignore their mistakes and shortcomings, guide them according to their talent,

We are a very talented nation, and the world is buying our talent ... Via the same mobile, laptop and computer,

Anyone around you has any talent, provide information to sell on the net, guide them on how they can make money by selling this skill, don't limit the intake to yourself, because stagnant water, no matter how good and abundant it is, rots, it becomes impure, so keep sharing, knowledge, conveniences, sweet words, whatever is available to you,

Believe in everything you can get money need a little research, information, so do not use your mobile phone to wait for the magic by writing five in the comments it is a great power you can use it; ideally, you can earn money from it, you can strengthen your family, your nation ...

Rise and do your part to move beyond Israel and developed countries like this so that our next generation can breathe in a developed Pakistan, do your part to make this country safe because

ہیں ہے ناامید اقبال اپنی کشت ویراں سے

ذرا نم ہو تو یہ مٹی بڑی زرخیز ہے ساقی

Pray for progress

#education #pakistan #pm imran #motivationalwords

3 notes · View notes

give-me-back-my-rhodey · 4 years

Text

The Trio is Back - AUgust Day 7

Title: The Trio is Back

Author: Purple_ducky00

Rating: Teen

Warnings: N/A

Relationships: Bucky/Nat/Tony, Bucky/Tony

Square Filled: N2: Didn’t Know They Were Dating Link: Read on AO3

Summary: Natasha, Bucky, and Tony have been friends since childhood. Everyone speculates that Natasha will have to choose between the two of them. Little do they know she might just choose both.

+++++++++

Tony, Bucky, and Natasha have been friends since toddlers. The Starks, the Barneses, and Natasha’s adoptive parents were a close-knit bunch who played bridge on Thursday nights, usually at the Stark mansion.

As children, the three would run through the house playing superheroes, Super Mario characters, jedi, etc. The Stark butler, Jarvis, always made sure nothing valuable was broken. They would often rope him into their play. As they got older, they calmed down somewhat. Natasha taught Tony to braid so he could braid her and Bucky’s hair. Both would push him to get more intricate braids. Bucky would recommend books for the others to read, and they had a book club group chat where they would discuss plots and theories. Tony lets them in his lab and teaches them about science.

When the three turned ten, the adults would joke that Natasha might have a hard time choosing between the two handsome boys. Natasha’s fathers said she should be able to do whatever she wanted. Natasha never paid them any mind because Tony and Bucky were her friends. Why did she need to choose?

The three were inseparable until middle school. They never had a falling out, per se. They just stopped hanging out. Maybe they were tired of everyone trying to figure out who liked who, or maybe they just wanted more friends. No one actually knows. Tony became close with his lab partner James Rhodes, who he dubbed Rhodey. He also roped Virginia Potts into his trio as well. She became known as Pepper almost overnight. Natasha basically adopted the “school nerd” Bruce Banner and Carol Danvers, the girl most of the guys hated because she was “too feminist.” Carol, an avid lesbian even at a young age, didn’t care. Boys were a waste of time to her. Bucky was fast friends with Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, and Sharon Carter. Every once in a while, all ten of them would hang out, but it seemed like the legendary trio was over.

As they reach puberty, the comments about them increase. Instead of being smelly boys, Tony and Bucky both grow into handsome young men. Both realize as they grow older that they were kind of into boys and girls. Sure, Natasha is beautiful, Bucky thinks, but so is Sam. He doesn’t know how Tony feels about Nat, and since one of them was “destined” to get her, he decides he will step back and let Tony ask her out. He takes Sam on a date, and they are steady for a couple of months. They split on good terms at the end.

Tony has the same line of thought, and he dates Tiberius Stone for a while. Both Bucky and Natasha hate him, but Tony doesn’t know why. Ty is cultured and handsome, a real catch. So, what if he verbally abuses him and guilt-trips him? That’s the way his father always treats him. Isn’t it normal?

Natasha doesn’t date. She doesn’t care to. If people want to speculate, she doesn’t care. She’s only sixteen, why does it matter if she doesn’t have a partner? Her fathers tell her to take her time, and if she never wants to date, that’s her say.

When they graduate, Tony goes to MIT. Natasha gets in at Stanford, and Bucky’s parents can only afford for him to go to NYU. Tony offers to pay for a better college, but Bucky won’t let him. They keep in contact and see each other every break. Tony finally breaks up with Ty in his freshman year, but he becomes a party animal. Rhodey does his best to keep Tony out of trouble, but even he fails sometimes. When he graduates summa cum laude, he takes his place at Stark Industries. Natasha studies to become a lawyer, and she passes the bar easily. Bucky graduates NYU and saves up enough to buy his own auto repair shop. All are successful and don’t have much time to spend with each other or anyone else, to be fair.

++++++

Jan, Tony’s stylist, sets him up on a blind date with a Jimmy because he “works too much.” He shows up at the restaurant she picks out to only find Bucky sitting at the table to which the maître d leads him. “Bucky?”

“Tony? What are you doing here?” Bucky stands.

“I’m as confused as you are.” Tony sits at the table. “Jan told me I’d be meeting a Jimmy. Who the hell calls you Jimmy?”

“Well, she called you Anthony. I can’t believe you let anyone call you Anthony.”

Tony shoots him a glare. “I don’t. Not sure why she told you that you’d be meeting an Anthony… unless she did this on purpose.”

“What? The parents figure that if Nat doesn’t want to date either of us, they might as well put us together?” Bucky’s eyes snap.

“I don’t know.” Tony shrugs. “But it all seems very suspicious, you know? What do you propose we do about it?”

“I think we should eat dinner and go have fun. We both go home to our own houses afterwards and never try to date again, just to screw ‘em.” Bucky smiles sharply.

“I like that. Deal.”

Tony wakes up in Bucky’s bed the next day. “Well, I guess that plan didn’t work out.”

“Yea… I’m torn up between kicking you out now just to fuck our parents or actually fucking you again,” Bucky comments. “Damn, Tones, you’re amazing.”

Tony colors. “Yea, I had a lot of experience in college. People still like to say they spent the night with me even though I haven’t slept with someone else for months now. I’ve just been busy.”

“Same. Who has time to date anymore?” Bucky shakes his head. “It’s a shame because I would love to have nights like last night more often.” He straightens completely and raises a finger. “I have an idea, and you may not like it, but here me out. What if we were each other’s booty calls? Just whenever we need a quick smash, we text the other?”

“James Buchanan Barnes, you are a fucking genius. I would kiss you right now, except my PA’s probably calling my dead phone, wondering where the hell I am. Can we rain check the next session?” Tony hops out of bed, pulling on his pants. Once quickly dressed, he heads to the door to leave and blows Bucky a kiss on his way out.

Using his watch to ping his driver, Tony heads home to get changed before going to work an hour late. Howard doesn’t berate him as much for being late for work, so Tony wonders if he knew something about his date with Bucky. The thought leaves his mind as he gets started on his day. He doesn’t have time to think about dates or meddling parents.

As the months go by, both Tony and Bucky text in claims to their booty call agreement. Tony is happy to do so, but he finds himself catching feelings for Bucky. He wonders if it’s because Bucky is the only one that he’s in close contact with, which he mentions to Rhodey when they get lunch on Rhodey’s first day on leave.

“I mean, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be fucking the only person you have a steady friendship with.” Rhodey steals one of Tony’s fries.

Tony pouts. “Don’t be like that honeybear. You and Pepper are my friends, too.”

“Yea, but I’m in the Air Force more than 80% of the time, and Pepper works for you. It’s different.”

“You’re just jealous that you’re not getting any.” Tony decides.

Rhodey just smiles. “Says who?” Tony begins to assault Rhodey for details, the topic of Bucky forgotten.

++++++

“Hey, Natasha’s moving back to New York, apparently.” Bucky informs Tony one morning. “My mom just texted me.”

Tony groans. “If this becomes another ‘Why don’t you date her?’ thing, I swear I’m going to move to Tahiti and not accept any long-distance calls. You’re welcome to come with if you’d like.”

“I think we should take her out to dinner one night when she gets settled, just to catch up.” Bucky muses. “Then our parents can’t be mad because we didn’t try.”

“Yea, I wonder how she’s been. We haven’t talked in so long.” Tony agrees. “I wonder if she got a partnership here or something. I hope so. That’d be good for her.”

“Nick and Phil will be glad to have her back. If only my parents were as supportive as they are. You should have seen my dad when I told them I was opening my own auto shop.” Bucky smiles that unhappy smile.

Tony laughs mirthlessly. “I’d be happy if my parents talked to me at all. But being that Howard’s always cranky anymore, I guess it’s best that he doesn’t.”

++++++ Natasha moves back less than a month later with a short, sandy haired man in tow. They move into an apartment on the Upper East side. Once she’s settled, she agrees to meet Bucky and Tony for dinner. About ten minutes in, she asks them, “How long have you two been together?”

“Did someone tell you that we’re together?” Tony demands. “Because they’re wrong. We’re simply booty calls to each other.”

She shakes her head. “No, you’re not. You might like to think that, but you’re in love with each other. No one told me; I can see it from here.”

The two men shift in their seats, not daring to look at the other. “So how have you been?” Bucky asks her.

“Busy. Jenn and I are setting up our own partnership. We’ve gotten a lot of cases lined up, and we need a secretary. There’re two lawyers working pro bono mostly down in Hell’s Kitchen. We might add them to our firm and pick up their secretary as well. I saw them in court for the Punisher trials, and she seems to have her stuff in order.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Sorry for not keeping up with you guys. I barely even talk to Bruce and Carol.”

“Mom told me you brought a man home with you,” Bucky says. “She didn’t seem too happy about it. Are you two dating?”

“Clint? No, he’s just a friend. I’m too busy to date, honestly. I’ve tried a couple times in LA, but it turns out I’m very selective of those with which I choose to hang out. Most men are idiots, and I’m tragically straight. You see my problem, right?”

“We don’t feel your pain, but we understand,” Tony says. “Well, what we should do is make sure the three of us hang out at least once a month. If we want to bring our other friends, I don’t care, but I’ve sorely missed you, Nat. And Bucky, maybe we should spend more time together with our clothing on.”

“You say that now, but what about tonight when…” Bucky begins but stops when Natasha gives him her death glare. “Okay, that is still as frightening as ever. Is that how you win all your cases?”

“No. I’m skilled enough that I don’t need to use that.” Nat flips her hair. “But I’m glad it works on you.”

Tony stick out his tongue at Bucky. “She’d never kill me. Who would give her those amazing scalp massages?”

“Now that you’ve brought it up, I demand one once we leave the restaurant.”

Natasha goes home that night realizing that she missed out on a lot of Tony and Bucky’s lives. If she were being honest, and she is, she kind of relied on their parents’ hope that she would one day marry one of the two. She always acted the way she did because she was equally attracted to both of them, and she would never be able to choose. So, she moved away and let them get on with their lives. She never thought once that they would choose each other and leave her out. She tells this to Clint when she gets home.

“Talk to them. Maybe they’ll share.” Clint suggests before he falls asleep on the couch.

She rolls her eyes. “You have a room for a reason.” Natasha knows he’ll still be there when she gets up to go to work the next morning.

++++++

The trio meets up at least twice a month. Per Natasha’s goading, Bucky and Tony start to actually date. She’s happy for them but seeing them sometimes is bittersweet. She just wants to go back to the times where they didn’t have to worry about feelings. All feelings have done for her were made her sad.

One night, they’re eating takeout in Tony’s kitchen when he says, “You can kill me if we’re wrong, but I want to proposition something with you.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow. This ought to be interesting. Tony proceeds. “So, Bucky and I are very happy in our relationship, but it could use one more thing… you.”

“Me?”

“Yea. We both really like you, and we kind of got the feeling that you like us, too. Are we wrong?” Bucky bites his lip worriedly.

“No, you’re not wrong. I really like both of you. I have since we were kids. I just never wanted to choose between the two of you. When you got together, I was happy for you. I never thought that you’d both want me as well.”

“Why wouldn’t we want you?” Tony asks. “We love you so much. Obviously, we’ll have to talk about how this is going to work. I hear communication is key to any good relationship. I should know.”

“Also, if we all date, that’s one way to make sure our parents don’t get exactly what they want. Instead of you choosing one of us, you chose both.”

Natasha grins. This is a fine arrangement indeed. “I would invite you back to my place, but Clint’s there. Would one of yours work?”

“It’d have to be Tony’s. I just moved in two weeks ago.” Bucky jabs his thumb at his boyfriend.

++++++

Natasha’s parents are overjoyed when they hear the news, Bucky’s parents don’t say anything, but Bucky knows they are a little wary of his relationship. Tony’s parents, on the other hand, are very vocal. Howard has a yelling fit, screaming at Tony until he loses his voice. Maria asks him why he vexes his father like that.

When Bucky and Nat try to comfort him, he shrugs them off, saying, “That’s the first real conversation I’ve had with either of my parents since I was a kid. Don’t worry; I always knew Howard would have a problem with it.”

“It still sucks,” Bucky tells him. “No matter what, you’ve got us.”

Tony knows he’s happy when both his partners cuddle around him in the middle of their California King bed. Throughout all odds, the trio is back together.

#winterironwidow #childhood friends au #au_gust_2020 #Starkbucksbingo2020 #i write!

18 notes · View notes

psycheswritings · 4 years

Text

Nothing’s Fair in Love and War - Eleven

Title: Nothing’s Fair in Love and War

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Daphne Scott (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, angst and mentions of death and war.

Word Count: 6018 (I know and I am sorry)

Author’s Note: Here we go again with another update. Hope you are all well and safe with this whole pandemic thing. Take care of yourselves and the people around you.

Not much to say about this chapter, so I am just going to show my gratitude towards @internalmess3 for being so kind and sweet and supporting me through the process of writing this chapter - you're incredible and I am so grateful to you! Thanks for everyone, EVERY SINGLE SOUL, who has been reading this fic and commenting/leaving likes. Seriously, that's what makes me keep writing and I LOVE to read your thougths about the plot and the characthers. Don't feel shy in coming talk to me.

You know the drill, if you find any mistakes feel free to report it back to me. Tags are at the end of the post and if you want to be added, let me know. Your feedback is highly appreciated. Happy reading.

WARNING: this fic (as most part of my works) is also been posted on FF and AO3.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Tommy meets Campbell to talk about the plans to kill the Field Marshall while Daphne is trying to adpat herself to living alone. She and William take a walk down memory lane, rememoring how they met and Tommy pays her a visit. The Brummie gangster negotiates with Alfie and they both end up discussing their feelings for Daphne.

Eleven

Tommy had told Lizzie to let Campbell into his office at the pretense that he was parking his car. It was the first time they would meet after his plan to make the Field Marshall leave his house got into work and he wanted to take the Irishman out of guard - and so he did.

“I keep everything locked up, Mr. Campbell. Everything of value.” Campbell looked up at him as he closed the door, a little more forcibly than necessary, on purpose. The man was rummaging through his desk and by the look on his face he certainly wasn’t expecting being caught. Tommy hang his coat, clearing his throat before walking towards the desk. “Take a seat.”

“How is your company treasurer, Polly?” The Irishman asked as he bypasses the desk to stand in the opposite side from Tommy.

“Why do you ask?”

“Oh. Just give her my regards.” Tommy finds the questioning odd but decides to brush it off as he searches for his cigar case, taking one and lightening it. “Ah! You like to play with fire, don't you, Mr. Shelby? Yesterday, in Belgravia, Field Marshall Russell's house was burnt out. An incendiary device was put through his letter box. Which means that he will have to find somewhere else to live for at least the next three months.”

“Which also means that your plan for me to break in and shoot him in his bed is no longer an operational possibility.” Tommy states what they both already know, calmly, a hint of a smirk on his face.

“Indeed, but if you think a wee burn frees you from your obligations, think again…”

“I will keep my side of the bargain.”

“Oh, by God, you will.”

“I will shoot your Field Marshal. But I will do it in a way that serves my purpose.” Campbell is still standing in front of him, both hands holding the cane, clearly riled up by the change of plans.

“The only purpose is my purpose.”

“I will carry out the assassination at a place of my choosing.” The Irishman takes a step towards the desk as he speaks.

“Listen to me. All operational detail must be mutually agreed…”

“I am a soldier of experience and I will determine where and when…”

“Now, that man has twenty-four-hour armed police protection…”

“Your plan was full of holes, Mr. Campbell.”

“My plan was mutually agreed!”

“And now your plan is up in smoke! And I have formulated the only viable alternative.”

“For God's sake. What do you mean? How would you get to him?” Tommy takes a drag from his cigarette, taking his time to answer.

“I won't. He'll come to me.”

“Now listen to me, Mr. Shelby. When this meeting is concluded I must report directly to Mr. Winston Churchill.”

“Your relationship with Mr. Churchill is not my concern.” The Brummie answers nonchalantly.

“And Mr. Winston Churchill will need to hear details.”

“Well, you tell him he'll have to trust me.” They glare at each other for a second, then Tommy speaks again. “Look, Mr. Campbell, I will carry out my mission.”

“Good.”

“Good. But I will do it in a place where it will be impossible for you or your men to have me shot afterwards.” Campbell shifts in his place. “Because that was your plan, eh? Coopers front and back. No way out. Me shot dead, dumped in the Thames. I will do the killing, but in a place where that will not be an option.”

“Where and when?”

“Epsom. Derby day.”

#* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #

After one week of living in the hotel Daphne decides to rent a flat. It’s the logical thing to do, she thinks to herself, so she can have more privacy and start doing things her way. Her relationship with Alfie was still strained and they were sticking to talk just about business because every time the topic changed they ended up fighting and it seemed that the both of them were tired of it. William and Harriet helped her accommodate in the new place.

She had been avoiding to talk about certain topics with Harriet because she knew how the woman was caught in the crossfire and a part of her, the one who still cared for Alfie, wanted him to have some sort of support system because if she knew him well enough, he was most certainly trying to pretend that everything was fine. Ada was out of town - they have talked over the phone and the Shelby sister assured Daphne that everything was alright between them - so she was relaying on the last person she had left - William.

Since their conversation at the hotel, their first one after she had left Alfie’s house, Daphne had been thinking about the things he said to her. She had been able to avoid the specific topic of her relationship with Tommy on the occasion but she was sure that it was just a matter of time until it come up again. Truth be told, she wasn’t even sure if they had a relationship of any sort because they never really talked about it. Actually, the last time they had seen each other the last thing they did was talk about anything.

“How’s Jane?” She was facing away from him, making tea for the both of them as he adjusted himself on the spare armchair by the fireplace. The flat was not big, everything was in the same room basically - her bed near the window, a little bedside table, a modest wardrobe and a dresser near the fireplace, two armchairs and a center table. There was a nice bathroom and a small kitchen just beside.

“Fine. They are getting used to things there but are happy together. She send you lots of love.” Daphne gave him the teacup and goes back to take her own before getting comfortable on her own armchair.

“Send my love to her when you write to her again.” They fell into a comfortable silence until he asked her.

“Have you talked to Thomas?” She averted his gaze, sinking into the chair.

“Will…”

“You've been avoiding the topic since the night we talked in the hotel.” Daphne was really hoping that her acting had been on point for him not to notice, but she was just so tired that it wasn’t all that surprising that she slipped onto her act. “He likes you.” Her hazel eyes searched for his blue ones and he laughed at her expression. “What? Did you really think I wouldn't notice?”

“I really hoped I wouldn’t have to talk to you about it.” She exhaled loudly, taking a sip of her tea and William takes a moment to observe her: she is looking to the fire, he knows it is because she doesn't want to look at him, her cheeks are still rosy from the cold, her fingers playing mindlessly with the hem of her dress, her legs tucked under her. It was easy to fall in love with her, he knew that more than anyone.

“Well, unfortunately for you, I am your better option right now.” Daphne looks at him again, sees his playful smile and sighs.

“We could always not talk about it.” William raises an eyebrow at her.

“Not an option.” He waits, patiently, as he always does, for her to get comfortable enough to talk. Sometimes, William wonders why she always seemed more willing to share things with him than with Harriet, for example, or even with his sister. Most women didn’t like to confide in a man like that. He should know better though, because Daphne was nothing but unusual in a lot of things.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

“You're redirecting.” He scolded her and she laughed, sitting up straighter to face him better.

“I am not, I promise.” Daphne had already accepted her defeat because she knew he wasn’t going to give up, but she wanted to make him understand somethings that had been on her mind lately. Somethings that were very important for their relationship. William drank the rest of his tea, putting the teacup into the table and getting comfortable on his chair as he took a deep breath.

“I remember that you gave me quite a scold.” He smiled looking at her to see that she was doing the same. “We fought over what was the best way to treat a patient and you were so damn stubborn, standing there, hands on your hips, holding your ground and defending your opinion so fiercely.”

“I was right.” There was a smug look on her face and he just shook his head in annoyance.

“You were and even so Dr. Lewis choose to believe in me.” Daphne rolled her eyes and William smiled. He knew that she never really liked the old doctor.

“Of course he did. The man worshiped the ground you walked on just because you are a man.” She rolled her eyes before continuing. “And you were a prick just alright.”

“I was. Smug little thing, fresh out of college, I thought I knew better about everything and I certainly wasn’t looking for being proven wrong by a young nurse on my first day.” She remembered that, he was the talk of the hospital that morning and for the following days - the young hot doctor who had just arrived to help Dr. Lewis. Daphne had been there for almost a month, things had been going as smoothly as they could be but her mood was sour due to being away from her brother for so long.

At first, she had been excited about the new addition to the personnel, after all, all help was welcome - that is until she actually met William. She was treating a soldier with a severe injury and Dr. Lewis brought him to give his opinion on it. The first thing she noticed was how handsome he was and how young he looked but the niceties stopped there, because next thing they were arguing about the right treatment to apply and things just went down after that.

“You actually searched for me to try and convince me that your plan was better than mine.”

“And you snapped at me right away. I don’t think I had ever fought with a nurse before but you were having none of my shit.”

“You were used to just bat those eyelashes at them and have your way out of the discussion, weren’t you?” She smirked at him and William put his hand in front of his face, sighing. “Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to tell me that. I am pretty sure that all the nurses thought I was crazy for fighting you that day. I certainly received lots of death glares on the corridors for weeks.”

“Matron certainly didn’t agreed with that because she gave me a hard time until we made amends.” William still remembers how much the older woman made his life difficult on the weeks right after his arrival.

“Harriet wouldn’t shut up about you and how I should give you a chance because you were ‘oh, so nice and gentle’.” She feigned an affected voice, then paused for a second looking directly at him. “And how I was going to fall for you if I did open up. I think I did, for a while.”

“Daph…”

“No, I have to say it for both our sakes.” They looked at each other for a long moment before she continued. “We never really talked about why I couldn’t stay with you and sometimes I feel selfish for keeping you around.”

“Then we both are being selfish because I didn’t wanted to lose you either.” She takes a deep breath, gets up from her seat collecting the teacups and walks to the kitchen, gets the bottle of whiskey from the counter along with two glasses and goes back to where he is, pouring them both a dose, offering one of the glasses to him and then getting comfortable on the armchair again. Daphne took a sip of the amber liquid, relishing on the way it burned her throat as she observed the fire crackling.

“I really fell for you at the time, you know.” Her voice was firm, as if she was trying to reassure herself and him at the same time.

“I know. You are good at pretending but not that much.” They smiled at each other and stayed in silence for a moment.

“And I really wish that things could have been different, that we could have gotten a better chance but you were right when you said that I didn’t wanted to live after Benjamin died. I just never let myself acknowledge that.”

“Nobody can blame you for that. I don’t blame you for that. After we came back, every time I saw Jane I thanked God for her being safe and remembered how you must feel everyday because of him.”

“I’m sorry for shutting you out and not giving us a chance. Most part of the time I am sorry for not letting you go.”

“It wasn’t your choice. Not entirely at least. I stayed because I love you and between being in your life as a friend or nothing at all I would always choose to stay. We already talked about that.” They did, in fact, when Daphne told him they couldn’t be together anymore, not as a couple, he had asked her if she wanted him to leave her life completely even if it would’ve been impossible at the time because they were serving at the same place. But she haven’t wanted him gone back then and she still didn’t want him gone now.

“I just don’t understand how I couldn’t love you the way you loved me back then but I can fall in love with another person now. It just doesn’t make sense and…”

“Hey, hey, hey. Stop that!” He kneeled in front of her, taking the glass of whiskey half drank from her hands and resting it on the table, holding both her hands in his, forcing her to look at him. “Love is not rational, Daph. I know we try to find some explanation, a reason for it but it doesn’t exist. We don’t choose who we love or in what moment we love them.”

“We could have been good together.”

“We are good together.” He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “Just because we are not together as a couple it doesn't mean we don’t have a good relationship. We’ve been supporting each other all these years, you can’t say to me that this is not a good thing.”

“It is. You’re one of my best friends, always will be.” She smiled at him, remembering all the times he had been there for her. There was no denying how important he was in her life. William would always be a huge part of her history.

“Then talk to me. Don’t push me out because you think you’ll hurt me. I will say to you if something is too much but let me help you.”

“I don’t know what to say. Really.” Daphne sighed as she sank into the chair and William adjusted himself on the ground right in front of her. “The way I feel about Tommy is… different. He makes me feel things that I had never felt before. Things I didn’t wanted to know about.”

“Well, you’ve been avoiding it for years now, I really wouldn’t expect nothing less.”

“He’s everything I didn’t wanted for my life.” Problem, that’s what he was. A big, huge problem. William laughed and Daphne gave him a not so playful slap on the arm.

“Maybe he is exactly what you need him to be even if you haven’t realized it yet.” She looked at him, half closed eyes, a smirk on her lips.

“When did you got this wise?”

“You’ve been rubbing off on me.” William smiled at her and Daphne felt the urge to hug him, so she did, sliping from the armchair to sit on the ground with him.

“Why couldn’t I have stayed in love with you? Life would be a lot simpler.”

“That’s the thing, life is never simple.” The moment is interrupted by a knock on the door, so Daphne gets up to answer it and she has a hard time coming into terms with the person standing in front of her.

“Thomas?” William looks at the door after hearing the name, his eyes meting Tommy’s for a moment before he got up from the ground.

“Hope I am not interrupting anything.” His voice was devoid of emotion but Daphne notices the hint of displeasure on his face. William was faster than her to answer.

“No. I was heading out, already.” He was putting his coat on and heading to the door. “Mr. Shelby.” They shook hands briefly and the doctor turned to face her. “You’ll gonna be alright?”

“Yeah.” She nodded and he got closer, giving her a kiss on the check before heading out.

“See you tomorrow then.” Tommy takes a step to the side, giving space for him to get out of the flat. “Mr. Shelby.” The two men nod at each other and the gangster observes as William walks down the stairs before looking up at Daphne, who was observing him. After a moment of silence he asked.

“May I come in?” She stepped out of his way, opening the door more for him to enter. Tommy looked around, analysing the small space, noticing how it looked cozy, much like her. Daphne closed the door and walked towards the little table near the fireplace, taking both glasses laying there and walking to the small kitchen.

“Do you want tea? Or whiskey?” She turned to look at him and he just shook his head, denying her offer, stuffing his cap on one of his pockets.

“No, I am fine.” Neither of them said nothing for a long while. “Did you knew?” They both knew the answer to that and Tommy didn’t fail to notice the offended look on her face.

“Of course not.”

“Then that night, at Charles’s wedding, it wasn't just a way to distract me.” The look she gave him hit him harder than any slap he ever received and, for a moment, he almost regrets asking it, but after Grace he just had to be sure that what he was feeling for her wasn’t just one more thing that Solomons’s could use against him and his family.

“If you thought even for a moment that I would sell myself for something as simple as a decoy you’re clearly underestimating me.” Tommy isn’t accustomed to being held accountable by the things he says and when he does, he usually doesn’t care about what people feel about it. So it actually gets him by surprise how he always seems to find enticing the way Daphne always gets back at him for the things he says.

“You can’t really blame me, can you?” He walks to her, slow and deliberate, leaving her time to back off, which she doesn’t. When they are a breath apart, his cold fingers trace the skin below her neck and then lower, getting hold of the ever present pendant hanging on her neck. He pulls the locket out of the chancel of her dress, feeling the metal against his fingers and this time, different from the night of her birthday, he opens it. As he expected, there are two photographs there - a girl and a boy. “You’ve been hiding a lot of secrets, Senior Sister Scott.”

“Am not the only one, Sergeant Major Shelby.” All he wants to do is to close the distance between them and kiss her, like he had done at the library of the Weston’s house. Give in to desire and press her against the wall, have her right there, but there is something that holds him back. “My past is none of your concern.”

“Your past, your present, your future… I want them all to be of my concern.” The way she looks at him with half closed eyelids should be illegal and Tommy has to take a moment to put his thoughts on check again. “He is the reason why you said I couldn’t make you want things you can’t have?”

“Thomas…” Daphne closes her eyes, feeling trapped in his presence, she doesn’t think that she can talk about Benjamim with him, not yet.

“Because you don’t want to live without him.”

“Tom…”

“You think you don’t deserve to have a life without your twin.” Her hazel eyes focus on his blue ones, hands searching for support on his chest as Tommy holds her to him with his free hand.

“You know nothing about that.”

“I know enough.” She tries to walk away from him, but he is faster than her, releasing the open locket and holding her by the arms, keeping her close, forcing her to face him. “‘Can’t imagine the pain you feel.” Daphne’s resolution falters for a moment, her breath coming fast as if she had runned a mile, she feels her chest tightens as she tries to remembers the last time that she had let herself really feel the grieve.

“He was more than my brother, he was everything.” Her eyes close for a moment and the memories cloud her mind and she relieves all the times they skipped the music classes so they could run through the gardens, searching for a good spot to hide between the trees. How they always sneaked into each others rooms at night so they didn’t had to sleep alone. The way he always seemed to know what she was thinking before herself. Daphne searches for the locket, closing it and holding it between her fingers as she rests her forehead into Tommy’s shoulder, his hands travelling to her waist as they sway from side to side for a long moment.

“Why did you stayed with Alfie?” Daphne thinks for a moment but she already knows the answer, she has knew it for a long time.

“Because it was comfortable.”

“And I am not, so that’s why you’re fighting this.” She doesn’t answer, it’s not needed, they both know it’s the truth. The woman raises her head, looking at him again.

“Why are you fighting this?” There is a long pause where the only thing they hear is the crackling of the fire and the noises of the city outside.

“Because you deserve better than me.” Daphne sees nothing but truth in his ice cold blues.

“I think that is for me to decide.” And decide she does, standing on her tiptoes and closing the gap between them in a gentle kiss. As their lips move together all that Tommy can think about is how much he doesn’t deserve the woman in his arms. In that moment he too makes a decision, a decision that could change everything.

#* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #* #

“Did you one anyway, you ignorant git.” He doesn’t notice that Ada had entered the room until she places the cup of tea almost in front of him, turning to leave. That is the moment that Tommy raises his eyes from the paper in front of him.

“Ada, sit down here for a minute.” She does as he asks while he folds the letter and puts it on the envelope, linking it to seal. “Ada, if anything happens to me today, I need you to post this letter. The stamps already on. Don't ask any questions. It's…” He pauses for a moment as he takes the cigarette from the ashtray. “...to do with insurance.” Ada looks at him, a little disturbed by the information, picking the envelope from the table.

“Look, Tommy? Whatever it is you're involved in, just tell us. God, you never let anybody in. We love you, Tom.” His eyes search for hers in the moment and Ada seems to be in an internal battle to choose her next words so he picks the other envelope and holds it between them.

“This one you can hand over yourself.” Tommy sees the curiosity in her eyes turn into worry when she sees the name outside the envelope.

“What are you going to do, Tommy?” James enters the room and Tommy gets up, walking to the couch to pick his coat. “What are you doing up at six o'clock in the morning?”

“Ready?” He asks the young writer that nods at him.

“What the bloody hell's going on?” Ada asks, voice an octave higher.

“Little errand.” James answers her.

“What errand?”

“He just has to stand there, Ada.” Tommy adds as he picks his things..

“Stand where?”

“Let's go. Come on.” The older Shelby calls and James follows him out of the room, Ada a little behind them, talking exasperatedly.

“James, what's going on? Don't listen to him, James, he'll get you killed! What errand?”

“For the cause, Ada. The good old cause.” The young writer tells her as he and Tommy walk out the door. The two men walk the streets towards Camden Town and when they are approaching Alfie’s bakery Tommy says.

“For the next ten minutes, you don't do or say anything I haven't told you. All right?” Met with silence he asks again. “All right?” James confirms it just before they reach the doors.

“Hello, Ollie.” Tommy greets the young man as he heads to the door.

“Hang on. Just you, yeah? He stays out here.” Ollie admonishes and Tommy turns to James, pointing at him with his index finger and then at the ground, throwing his cigarette away as he does.

“You stay here.” The young writer stands there, looking around a little apprehensive, as Tommy follows Ollie inside. He stops, pretending to tie his shoe much to the annoyance of the young man, before they continue to Alfie’s office. The Jew barely acknowledges him as they enter the room - feet propped up on the desk, leaning back on his chair reading the paper - and Tommy takes a seat in front of him. He just talks when the phone starts ringing.

“That'll probably be for you, won't it?” Tommy gets up to answer the call.

“Hello? Arthur. You're out?” When the call is finished and Tommy sits back on the chair, Alfie straightens himself to look at the Brummie.

“Right, so that'll be your side of the street swept up, won't it? Where's mine? What you got for me?” Tommy takes the license from his suitcase and hands

“Signed by the Minister of the Empire himself.”

“Yeah?”

“Which means that you can put your rum in our shipments and no-one at Poplar Docks will lift a canvas.”

“You know what? I'm not even going to have my lawyer look at that.”

“No, no, it is all legal.”

“You know what, mate? I trust you. That is that. Done.” He straightens his hat and then turns to pick a bottle of whiskey. “So, whisky. There is one thing, though, however, that we do need to discuss.”

“What would that be?” Tommy asks, taking a drag of his cigarette as Alfie places the bottle on the desk, holding his glasses to his eyes and analysing the contract.

“It says here twenty percent paid to me of your export business.”

“As we agreed on the telephone.”

“No, no, no, no. See, I had my lawyer draw this up for us, just in case.” He places the new contract, that he just got from the drawer, right in front of Tommy, leaning on the desk to show it to the other man. “It says that here, that a hundred percent of your business goes to me.”

“I see.”

“Just there Don't worry about it, right. Cos it is totally legal, binding. All you have to do is sign the document and transfer the whole lot over to me.” Alfie reclines himself back on his chair, waiting for Tommy to sign the contract.

“Sign just here, is it?” The Brummie asks, calmly.

“Yeah.”

“I see. That's funny, that is.” Tommy says, taking a drag from his cigarette and pointing at the paper in front of him.

“What?” The Jew asks, confused.

“No, that's funny. I'll give you a hundred percent of my business?”

“Yeah!”

“Why?” Ollie, who had been standing there, fidgeting more than usual, points a gun towards Tommy, who looks at him unamused.

“Ollie, no. No. No. Ollie, no. Put that down.” Alfie takes the gun from Ollie’s hands and places it on the desk, as the younger man retreats to the background. “He understands. He understands. He's a big boy, he knows the road. Now, look, it's just non-fucking-negotiable. That is all you need to know, so all you have to do is sign the fucking contract. Right there.” The Jewish gangster taps with his finger where Tommy is supposed to sign.

“Just sign here.” Tommy says, before stubbing the cigarette on the ashtray.

“With your pen.”

“I understand.”

“Good. Get on with it.” Alfie encourages when the other gangster does nothing.

“I have an associate waiting for me at the door. I know, he looks like a choirboy but he is actually an anarchist from Kentish Town.”

“Tommy, I am going to fucking shoot you.”

“Right? Now, when I came in here, Mr. Solomons, I stopped to tie my shoelace Isn't that a fact, Ollie?” He looks at the younger man and then at Alfie again. “I stopped to tie my shoelace. And while I was doing it, I laid a hand grenade under one of your barrels. A mark fifteen with wire trip. My friend upstairs is like one of those anarchists that blew up Wall Street, you know? He's a professional. And he's in charge of the wire. If I don't walk out of that door by the stroke of seven, he's going to trigger the grenade and your very combustible rum will blow us all to hell. And I don't care ‘cos I am already dead.” Alfie scratches his beard, holding his glasses and analysing Tommy for a moment.

“He tied his lace, Alfie. And there is a kid at the door.” Ollie confirms.

“From a good family, too. Ollie, it is shocking what they become.” The Brummie remarks.

“What were you doing when this happened?” Alfie turns to face Ollie.

“He tied his lace. Nothing else.”

“Yeah. But what were you doing?”

“Marking the runners in the paper.” The young man seems embarrassed. There is a little noise of metal and Alfie turns to see Tommy with his pocket watch in hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Just checking the time. Carry on.” The Brummie show a hint of a smirk on his face. The Jew gangster takes the gun from the desk and hands it to his associate.

“Ollie, I want you to go outside and shoot that boy in the face from the good family.”

“Anyone walks through that door except me, he blows the grenade.” Tommy explains.

“He tied his fucking lace, Alfie.” Ollie becomes nervous by the second.

“I did tie my lace.”

“I bet hundred to one that you're fucking lying, mate. That's my money.” Alfie plays with the gun that he took away from Ollie’s hand.

“Well, you see, you have failed to consider the form. I did blow up my own pub for the insurance.”

“OK, right, well, considering the form, I would say, sixty five to one. Very good odds. And I would be more than happy and agree for you to sign over sixty five percent of your business to me. Thank you.”

“Sixty five? No deal.” Tommy looks at the younger man. “Ollie, what do you say?”

“Jesus Christ, Alfie. He tied his fucking lace. I saw him. Look, he planted a grenade. I know he did. Alfie, it is Tommy fucking Shelby.” Alfie gets up and hits Ollie in the face, holding him by the collar of his shirt.

“You are behaving like a fucking child. This is a man's world. Now, get that apron off and sit in the corner like a little boy. Fuck off. Now!” As Ollie does what he is told, Alfie checks his pocket watch and sits again.

“Four minutes.” Tommy says

“Right, four minutes. Talk to me about hand grenades.”

“The chalk mark on the barrel at knee height said, "Hamilton Christmas". I took out the pin and put it on the wire.” Tommy spins the pin between his fingers before putting it on the empty glass sitting on the desk. Alfie takes it to inspect.

“Based on this…” The Jew shows the pin to Tommy. “...forty five percent.”

“Thirty.”

“Aw, fuck off, Tommy. That's far too little.” He throws the pin at Tommy, who picks it up and starts to play with it.

“In France, Mr Solomons, when I was a tunneller. A clay kicker. A 1-7-9. I blew up Schwaben Hohe. Same kit I'm using today.”

“Funny that. I do know the 1-7-9 and I heard they all got buried.”

“Three of us dug ourselves out.”

“Like you're digging yourself out now.”

“Like I'm digging now.”

“Fuck me!” Alfie whispers, leaning into his chair. “Listen, I'll give you thirty five. That's your lot.” Tommy thinks for a moment.

“Thirty five.” Alfie spits on his hand, gettin up and offering it to Tommy, who does the same.

“Now you go out there, send the good boy from the good family home, and come back here, because we have other business to discuss.” Tommy nods, goes outside and sends James back home, when he comes back Alfie is alone in the office. He closes the door behind him, sitting down on the same chair he was some minutes ago. The both men contemplate the silence for a few minutes, the Jew is looking out to the window. “You probably already know about Benjamin, don’t you? ‘Know you’ve been doing your research on us for a while.”

“I do.”

“Do you know what he meant to her?” Alfie turns to face Tommy, elbows resting on the desk as he intertwined his fingers in front of him.

“I know he was her twin, yes.”

“He was more than that. They were everything for each other. I knew him. The boy served under my command til the day he died. Wouldn’t fucking shut up about her any chance he got. When I finally met Daphne it was as if I already knew her.” He remembers, clear as day, her hazel eyes looking back at him, fighting to hold back the tears, blood all over her nurse uniform. “I fucking promised him I would protect her. Now, we both know that neither of us are men of keeping their promises but this one, this one I intend to keep, because everytime I look into her eyes I believe, even for just a moment, that there is something good in this world. She suffered enough, deserves some happiness and I am not letting you ruin her chances at it. I am not letting you ruin her, Thomas.”

“I don’t plan on it.” Alfie scoffs at him.

“As you didn’t planned to fuck the beautiful blonde who came all the way from New York with her posh husband.” Tommy doesn’t show any signs of emotion but the Jew knows better. “Yeah, I know about her. The woman who betrayed you and then fucked off to America. Beautiful thing she is.”

“She is in the past.”

“Is she? Really?” Alfie restes his arms on the desk, leaning closer to the other man. “Because you’re sitting there telling me that you don’t plan on ruining Daphne but you are lying to her, ‘cause you were with the posh blonde some weeks ago.”

“It’s done. What I had with her is done now.” He pauses for a moment and Alfie just observes him without saying anything. “I know how much you care about Daphne and you have my word that I don’t intend to hurt her.”

“That’s the thing, mate, sometimes the things we don’t intend to find a way of happening.”

Tags: @stressedandbandobessed7771

39 notes · View notes

kayliemusing · 3 years

Text

1. Is there something you have been trying to learn lately? - There’s kind of a few, because I feel like they all tie into one. Self acceptance is a big one, self-discipline, productivity, and trusting in God (which has proven to be the hardest thing. It hurts to trust in something you don’t see the outcome of, but it hurts too much not to trust in God.)

2. If you ever feel like you are different from your extended family, in which ways is this? - My dad/s side of the family is really toxic. There’s a lot of hypocrisy, drama, mental illness, drug addictions, and religiousness on that side (and when I say religious, I mean shame-y religion which I don’t agree with at all.) But my dad was really different from them. He was very kind, open to council, very steady and stable despite coming from such a dysfunctional background, and he loved God so truly that a lot of that pure ‘religion’ that exists within his family was broken off of him, and then I have my mom too, who is very fun, kind, caring, etc, so I grew up around more normalcy than my cousins did. My parents just parented me well and they talked about God to me and my sister a lot in such a good way that I never grew up around pure, shame-y, rule-bound religion which I think is the explanation why I (and my sister) are very different from our extended family. My dad died when I was fifteen so I don’t see that side very often, especially because they’re just entirely chaotic and dysfunctional so when I am around them it’s way more noticeable how different we are. (Sorry for big explanation. I’m in a super reflective mood lol.)

3. When you think about your future career, do you envision yourself becoming the head honcho or CEO? If not, why not? - I’ve always kind of wanted to have this leader-esque feeling to my career, but no, I don’t see myself being a CEO. I really just want to be an author so I guess I would have some level of being a leader to my own business, but not quite on a CEO type level. Right now, I’m trying to focus on fiction but I’m easily overwhelmed by it so I have been considering other mediums of writing. I just don’t know what that is or what fits right.

4. Is there something that you are sort of weird about talking about? Like, a thing that other people find casual, but you feel uncomfortable when the subject comes up? - Sex, is the first thing that comes to mind, but not sex in general. More like the conversations that are too much, you know? Lol. Some people go really into detail or can be graphic about their sex lives and I’m just like, please don’t. I don’t mind generically talking about it, but there’s a line. 5. Can you think of a time when you seriously misjudged a music artist based on their name? - I don’t think so.

6. Do you ever make negative comments about other body types? How does it make you feel when you see or hear negative comments about your body type, or a physical trait that you have (even when it’s not directed at you)? - Sometimes I have the tendency to judge other body types (i.e. I really don’t like the thigh gap look), but it’s never malicious and I’m always trying to be aware that others can’t help what they look like and if they’re happy in their body, that’s what matters. I struggle with disordered eating and kind of sit on that line between having an eating disorder and not having one so I’m very sensitive about my body and its type. I have a chubby tummy and I’m so insecure that it’s not flat that when I hear anyone say anything negative about not having a flat stomach it’ll ruin my day or I’ll just feel really ashamed.

7. If you are in a situation where you feel like you are being attacked or not respected, how easy or difficult is it for you to stay and keep your head rather than leave in a huff? - I’ll usually leave the conversation. Maybe slam a door lol. I’ll usually stand my ground until I finally feel like I’m not heard or no one cares and then I’m out.

9. When you think about how attractive you feel and your favorite features, are you comparing yourself to a societal ideal? - Yes. I happen to be well-acquainted with the comparison game.

10. If you have a favorite song right now: What is it? How did you first hear it? Why do you like it so much? - My favourite song is probably Coney Island by Taylor Swift right now. It’s from Taylor’s new album Evermore, but I have a couple on that album that tie for my favourite song right now (Honorable mentions: Willow, Cowboy Like Me, Tis The Damn Season). I absolutely love how poetic this song is and I think one of my all time favourite lyrics she has ever written is in that song: “If I can’t relate to you anymore then who am I related to?” This song for me just feels like I’m reading a poem and I just sink right into the story she’s telling.

11. Have you ever had someone that has been your friend for a while come to you and tell you they had romantic feelings for you? How did you respond, and did the friendship survive? - I did have a friend of mine tell me they had feelings for me. We had become friends in the eighth grade and then he confessed his feelings for me in the ninth grade, I told him I didn’t feel the same way but we stayed friends and it didn’t ruin anything, and then he confessed again in the eleventh grade and I said no to him again. After that final rejection, we never really made it back to being friends for a few reasons a) We stopped being in the same classes, b) I think he was really hurt and c) his friend (who is most dramatic than a girl by the way, and ironically dating one of my friends at the time) stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and gave his two cents and that was kind of when it fell apart. I didn’t really know his friend so it was weird that he had this narrative of me that he said “was leading X on” when I was just trying to be his friend but it’s whatever now. That was when I was like sixteen lol.

12. Hypothetically speaking, if Hillary Clinton were running for President as a democrat against Chris Christie as a republican in 2016, who do you predict would win the election? - Well, since it’s 2021 now, I would predict that Trump would win and divide America.

13. When you are getting to know someone new online (particularly someone male), how cautious are you of the possibility that they are serial killer/kidnapper? - I honestly never think of this, mostly because we live in such an online world now and I’m an adult. I don’t really know how much of this still happens, but you just don’t hear about it anymore. Not to mention, if it is a male, it’s most likely a pedophile (which is still gross) rather than a killer or kidnapper.

14. If you are talking to someone that you want to get to know, what are your go-to conversation topics? What subject makes you disappointed when another person isn’t interested in or knowledgable about it? - Tbh I feel like I’m really bad at conversations and I don’t know how to lead them because I’m quiet and scared of looking stupid. I know I really like deep conversations more than basic questions. However, it’s very important that I know their opinion on Taylor Swift because if there’s a chance they don’t like Taylor Swift, I already know that the person is probably not worth my time. For real though, if I’m having a conversation with someone, I usually get disappointed if I find out they’re a partier or drink a lot, because I’m really not into any of that stuff so it’s immediately like playing the Sims and having the minus sign appear above my head.

15. Say you have a lot of free time and want to join a club or class. You are browsing postings on local bulletin boards and online. What sort of group would you be interested in joining (e.g., book club, game group, crafts, golf lessons, etc.)? - A romance-only book club, DIY club.

16. Have you ever kissed someone that you didn’t really want to kiss (not assault, just indifference)? Why did you go along with it and how did you feel after? - Nah I’ve never been kissed

17. Have you recently learned anything about your personality? If not, have you ever consciously tried to change your personality? - Sort of recently, it was something I discovered last year which is that I’m a neurotic perfectionist and what I mean by that is I’m a perfectionist in a very self destructive way. I’ve always known I was ‘particular’ or others would say ‘has high-standards/expectations’ but I realized that it’s literally just perfectionism.

18. Are you or any of your friends in a sorority or fraternity? Would you be interested in belonging to one? - No and I don’t really understand what they are or why they’re a thing.

19. Can you recall a recent time that you were surprised, but in a bad way? - Yes. When my job eluded that they thought I was stealing from the registers. This happened around September 2020? Basically they didn’t flat out say that’s what they thought, but they made comments that the tills were either short or over at the ends of the night whenever I would be working and dead ass said “it looks suspicious”. I think it was surprising because I’ve worked there was two years and really felt like they should have known my character. (I literally am afraid of getting in trouble for the smallest things and they seriously thought I was capable of stealing from them lmao)

20. Do you feel uncomfortable when you receive praise for doing certain things? If so, does this make you less likely to do those things? - No totally the opposite. I really struggle with validation and I never feel good enough, which is something I’m working on, but it feels almost like I thrive on praise. Maybe it’s because my love language is words of affirmation?? I just always like/need to know when I’m doing a good job so when I don’t get praise or validation my self esteem plummets.

21. Do you make spontaneous purchases often or rarely? When you are upset does it make you temporarily happier to buy yourself something new? - Spontaneous purchases, often because I have no self control lol, but lately I’ve been working hard to try to save more. And yes when I’m upset, it does make me feel better to buy things.

22. If you have to wake up early for something, what time is just TOO early for you to be there and be presentable and sentient? Have you ever had to be somewhere that early? - 5 am. I think I can manage 6 am, but anything before that is a no from me. I used to work at 5 am when I worked at Chapters, but it was a nice shift because I finished work at 10 am and then went home and napped for two hours and then had literally the entire day.

23. Have the majority of your romantic relationships started with a physical attraction or a deeper connection? - I’ve never had a romantic relationship oops. But at least I read romance novels every day (and I write romance too!) I’ll try to answer this based on what I think would happen. I think it would start as a physical attraction and I think a lot of relationships start that way but they become something when you have a real connection. I think there are relationships that can start the other way though too, but I’d say for me it’ll probably be physical attraction first.

24. Do you ever catch any of those conspiracy shows on Animal Planet, like Bigfoot hunting or proof of Mermaids? Do those shows make your more or less likely to believe in the existence of such creatures? - No, but I DO watch ghost conspiracy theories/”REAL GHOST CAUGHT ON CAMERA” videos on Youtube for fun. But no I don’t believe in any of that stuff.

25. Did you ever write a fan letter to a celebrity? How about submit something to a magazine? - I’ve never technically written a fan letter to a celebrity but I wrote a post on tumblr to Taylor Swift a couple years ago that she’ll never see lol. And I’ve never submitted anything to a magazine, but I’d like to one day.

#survey

1 note · View note

themoonandotherslikeit · 5 years

Text

Something Special

Pairing: DeanxReader

Rating: M

Tags/Warning: language, some smut, mild angst, and some fluff!

Word Count: 6,885

Authors Note: This is a gift for my 300 follower giveaway! Miss @deans-baby-momma won this giveaway! She wanted a piece where the reader is in a long term relationship with present Dean, and he plans a special day for her, with switching first person POV between Dean and the female reader. This is a little outside of the timeline, so lets call it Season 14 post Micheal Pre soulless jack problems. There aren’t any S14 spoilers in here, though, just to tell you where his age etc is. Hope y’all enjoy!

Her

The sounds of the bunker were lulling me to sleep. The clicks and hums of the air conditioning, the groans of the pipes, and the beeps of the various machines that kept the underground sanctuary running all used to keep me awake. After all of this time, though, they became relaxing. Familiar.

I had a place of my own, of course, an apartment that I kept around because of some tug in my gut that kept me from trusting people, no matter how much time I spent with them. It wasn’t about the Winchester’s, obviously. It was more about everything else. The life they lived was dangerous, and I half expected to show up at the bunker one day to see it caved in on its self. So I kept my apartment as an insurance policy. That and I hadn’t officially been asked to move in.

I was cuddled into Dean’s bed, because he was supposed to be back any time. Waiting for Dean Winchester proved to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There was something to be said about watching someone go. He always had one foot out the door and a finger on the trigger of his gun. I couldn’t ask him to stop, to wait, because he was Dean. I knew what I signed up for. So, I waited. He wasn’t good at texting and sometimes he forgot to call. I couldn’t count on both hands the amount of sorry babe, phone died texts I’d received over the years. I’d take that any day over the phone calls from Sam that ended with something happened to Dean.

It isn’t easy being the one left behind.

Him

It ain’t easy being the one always leaving.

If I was being honest, I never thought that I’d have somethin’ worth going home to, but there I was, tapping the steering wheel and squinting into the darkness, because I was ready to be home. It wasn’t the bunker that I was rushing to. It was her. I knew that she’d be there waiting for me when I got home, because she always was. After I hunt, the sheets were always washed and the beer was restocked. I didn’t deserve that shit, but I did everything I could to try to earn it.

“Dude you look exhausted, don’t you think we should just stop? We can take a nap or something,” Sammy offered from the passenger seat.

“We used to drive through the night all the time,” I said dismissively.

“Yeah,” he snorted. “But that was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before you got fucking old,” my not-so-little brother joked.

“If I’m old, that means you’re old.” I leaned over and jabbed my knuckle into his breastbone. “And I don’t know about you, but I’m sure as shit not ready for that.”

“It’d help if you exercised and ate better.”

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose, actually thankful for the distraction since it was keeping me from nodding off at the wheel. “Don’t start with that again. I’m fit as a fiddle.”

“You survive off grease, beer, and coffee. I haven’t seen you work out in… maybe ever? So of course you’re getting winded on chases.”

“I was not winded.” I was fucking beat, but there was no way I was admitting that to him. “I’ve still got it, and don’t you fuckin’ forget who taught you everything you learned.”

“Dad?”

“Shut up.”

“I bet Y/N would appreciate you taking better care of yourself…”

“Don’t use her against me,” I snapped. “Just shut up so I can drive.”

“Just saying, we’d all like you to live longer.”

“Sam,” I sighed. My knuckles were white as I gripped the wheel. The skin was peeling from where my fist collided with a shifter. It was a relief, working such a normal case after all the shit we’d been through. It wasn’t as much of a relief that my knuckles still throbbed hours later, and my right foot tingled a bit from sitting too long in the car. “You know how this ends for me. For both of us, most likely. I’ll go out at the end of the barrel of a gun, some grand explosion, or fuck, maybe Chuck will be tired of me and finally put me out of my damn misery. Don’t think extra bacon is gonna make that big of a difference.”

I hated being that way with the kid, but what I hated even more was being reminded that time was limited. I was always running on borrowed time. I had been since the day at the crossroads that I gave up my soul for Sam’s. I wasn’t supposed to get out of Hell, and the last decade and some change were all extra. It should be easy, looking at it like that, but it never was. If I hadn’t been plucked from the pit then I wouldn’t have met Y/N. I’m not scared of dying. I’ve done that more times than I care to remember, but saying goodbye to her? That was the unthinkable.

We did everything we could to keep it casual. No real attachment. I couldn’t give her something to latch on to, because I was always going. I warned her, there’s no guarantees with me, Sweetheart. “There’s no guarantees with anyone, Dean,” she said with that little smirk where her eyes were wide open like she saw right through me. She had me. I was spent. Every time I came home I’d expect that to be the time that she wasn’t there, that she’d be done, but every time I was wrong. Never been so glad to be wrong in my life.

So when I was home, I was with her. I was all in, and when I was out on a hunt I tried not to think about her. I tried not to think about the risk, about all the shit that I risked every day on the job. I couldn’t, because if I did, then I’d never leave that fucking bed. There’s only so much a man can take.

Her

I wasn’t sure when I drifted to sleep, but I heard the soft sound of boots against the floors as Dean tried to sneak in to not wake me. He was sweet for trying. I tried to stay still as I heard the slow zip of his jeans and his clothes falling to the floor. The bed groaned under his weight as he climbed in and laid on his side facing me. He rested his head on the bicep of his right arm and ran his left hand down my side.

I let out a sleepy hum and scooted closer to him, sliding my leg between his. I wrapped an arm around him and brushed my nose with his. “You didn’t call,” I murmured softly.

“Phone was-“

“Dead,” I finished his sentence. “I figured.”

“You mad?” Dean pushed my hair out of my face, and the callouses on his fingers brushed against my skin.

“At you? No.”

“How about in general?”

“It’s the middle of the night, Dean,” I grumbled, pressing a light kiss to the rough skin along his jaw. “I’m generally trying to sleep.”

He exhaled out his nose, and I felt his lips curl at my forehead in his patented shit-eating smirk. “If you wanted to sleep you wouldn’t be here.”

I rolled my eyes in the darkness and tangled my fingers in the back of his t-shirt. “How do you figure that?”

“Because you knew the moment I got here I wouldn’t let you sleep.”

My eyes flickered up to his in the darkness. “What am I, a mind reader?”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “When it comes to me, you are.”

I laughed quietly and buried my face in his neck, feeling his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

“Come on,” he whispered roughly. “Tell me what I’m thinkin’. I know you know.”

I did. Of course I did. I ran my fingers up his back, rolling them over his shoulders, and finally resting them on his chest. I pushed him onto his back and settled on his lap, straddling him. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his neck, jaw, lips.

“Hit the nail on the head, Sweetheart,” he groaned quietly, resting his hands on my hips.

“I missed you,” I admitted against his skin.

He pulled my face away from his and held it in his hands. “Sometimes I start missin’ you before I even go.”

Then don’t go. I wanted to say it a thousand times, but I didn’t. I kissed him instead, because although we weren’t always good at saying what we were thinking… we were good at that. We talked without words. We said I miss you, don’t leave me again, I need you… We said everything that we couldn’t say out loud, until we fell asleep, tangled together under the thin sheets.

Him

I woke up before her. That was rare. Usually she was the one bringing me coffee and insisting that it’s time for the bear to come out of his cave. How was I supposed to want to get out of bed when she was sleeping in just my shirt? Her self-control was worlds beyond mine. She’s more evolved, or so she said.

I rubbed my eyes and drug myself to the kitchen to make coffee.

“You’re up early,” Sam scrutinized, eyeing me from over his newspaper. “It’s before ten.”

“Thanks for the play by play,” I grumbled, starting a new pot of coffee.

“Figured Y/N would be keeping you busy.”

“She’s tired.”

“Think she’s sick?”

“Nah.” Maybe just sick of me. I hated the insecurities. It felt like I was some teenage girl. I had bigger problems than a girl, right? I pinched the bridge of my nose and listened to the coffee maker gurgle to life. “We haven’t gotten much time together lately.”

“She’s always seemed cool with it. The job, I mean,” Sam commented, laying his paper down. He pressed the crease, folding it back down.

“She is, man. She’s cool about everything.” I picked at a scab on my knuckle. “Even if she shouldn’t be.”

Sam stood up, his chair scratching against the floor of the kitchen. “What’s going on, Dean?”

I sighed. “I guess we just aren’t getting any younger, ya know? She’s gotta want more than all of this.”

My brother crossed his arms. “Did she say that?”

“No, not explicitly.”

“Then what did she say?”

“She missed me.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and let out a laugh that sounded almost relieved. “That’s a good thing, man.”

I sighed and poured myself a cup of coffee now that it stopped spitting. “I just… she’s it for me, ya know? I don’t want to fuck this up. We’ve been doin’ good up until this point. I just wonder if she knows how important she is to me, to us. Since I’m always runnin’ off. Man, you know what that looks like.”

He nodded knowingly, and I handed him the cup of coffee before opting to open a beer for myself instead. “Maybe you should do something special for her.”

I let the foam from the beer sit on my tongue for a second before swallowing. “Special, huh? Like what?”

“I dunno, man.” Sam laughed, slapping my back supportively. “She’s your girl. If I help you, then it wouldn’t be special, would it?” He sat down his coffee and grabbed his headphones. “I’m going to go for a run. Mull on that, will you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said dismissively, frowning at the idea of running. Just the concept had my hip aching, or maybe it was from sitting in the car for twelve hours.

Sam plugged his headphones in and jogged up the stairs. I looked at the beer in my hand. “I bet Y/N would appreciate you taking better care of yourself…” I sighed, bastard, and dumped my beer down the sink. He was right, of fucking course he was. I should’ve done somethin’ for her ages ago. A day just for us. Then we could feel things out, and maybe she will want to keep me around.

Just maybe

Her

I rolled over and almost fell off the goddamn bed. I grabbed blindly for my phone on the bedside table and squinted at the time. Eleven AM? Dean didn’t wake me? I rubbed my eyes and yawned, stretching my legs. It was unusual for him to wake up before me. Mostly because I was used to getting up for work, and he was tired in a way that I’d never understand.

“Dean?” I clicked on the bedside lamp and raised an eyebrow. “What the hell?” I crawled to the end of the bed and let my feet touch the cool floor. My clothes were laid out on Dean’s desk, a sundress, shoes, with a piece of paper sitting on top of it all. I walked to the desk and picked up the paper, it was an old Seven Eleven receipt with something scrawled in hurried text on the back. Just me and you today. Put on the dress. -D

My heartbeat picked up as I ran my fingers over his words. He wasn’t the note type. Hell, he wasn’t the pick-out-clothes type either. I sat down the page and picked up the dress. It was cotton, light, red. It came up as a halter to tie around my neck. I didn’t mean to leave the dress behind, or maybe I did. I didn’t expect that he’d keep it. The memory was seared into my brain. It felt like a lifetime ago that he untied the knot around my neck, kissing over my pulse point, as his hands slid up the bottom of the dress, fingers caressing my thighs, pulling it up and over my head. He just kept mumbling, “Damn it, Sweetheart, you look so fuckin’ good. God, how’d you get to be so fuckin’ pretty? You’re like a goddamn flower. Like a picture. Shit.”

I smiled and pressed the fabric to my nose breathing in the pine and whiskey that was Dean Winchester. My Dean. It still made my heart flutter thinking about it. It was a lifetime ago that I wore it. Surely it wouldn’t fit. I wasn’t that young girl anymore, but I stepped out of his clothes anyway and tried the dress, pulling it over my head. It was snug in my breasts, where they’d grown over the years, but with some scooping and readjusting, I decided that I liked it better that way.

I looked in the mirror, letting my hair spill over my shoulders in the way that he liked and applied the red lipstick that made his head spin. Hell, if we were doing this, whatever it was, I was putting in one hundred percent. Which included leaving the panties he picked out laying on his pillow, because he wasn’t the only one that was full of surprises.

I walked into the kitchen and found another note, this time a bright pink post-it note, stuck to a can of beer. It read, shotgun this one, and meet me at the car. -D The eternal romantic, my Dean. I smiled and rolled my eyes. I pulled out my spare key and stabbed the can, popping the tab, and guzzling the beer down. I barely spilled any out of the corner of my mouth, my lipstick still in tact. Beer for breakfast was a Winchester original cuisine and before I stayed at the bunker regularly, it was the only thing in the fridge.

I took a deep breath, the beer sloshing inside of my empty stomach. I used to be worried about Dean’s liver, but the real concern wasn’t the burgers and the beer... it was the monsters. It was why he didn’t get close, why he didn’t care what he ate or drank, because he didn’t think he’d live as long as he had already. Each day was a gift. I looked down at his note again, swallowing the awful gut feeling that was brewing inside of me. I wondered what gifts the day had to offer.

When I walked into the garage he was leaning against the Impala, with his arms crossed. He was squinting down at his phone, scrolling with his index finger. I cleared my throat and he glanced up at me through his sunglasses. The corners of his mouth tugged up into an eager smile. “Hey, Sweetheart.”

“What’s going on, Dean?”

Even through the dark shades I could see that his eyes were focused on me. “Come ‘ere.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the smile that was bubbling inside of me. I couldn’t help it. He pulled joy out of me like he was wringing out a rag. One look had it seeping out of my pores. I walked to him and fell right into his arms. His hands landed on my hips, squeezing gently. “Hey,” I whispered.

“Hey back.” Dean nuzzled his nose against mine and pressed a warm, gentle kiss against my lips. It was familiar, like saying hello. “I see you’ve done your note.” His tongue shot out and ran over his bottom lip, as if he was trying to taste me.

“I did.”

“Good.” He smiled, moving his hands from my hips. “After you,” he said, opening up the passenger door.

I slid into the Impala, breathing in the familiar smell of leather and Dean. “Did you detail the car?” I asked, running my hands over the seats. It was missing the ever lingering smell of blood and man sweat.

“Mhm.” He started the car, his shoulders relaxing at the hum of the engine.

“When did you have time?”

“I’ve been up for awhile,” Dean said like it wasn’t a big deal.

“You’re never up early, especially after a hunt. What’s going on, Dean? Is everything okay?”

“What? I can’t do somethin’ nice for my girl?” He shook his head strumming on the steering wheel as we got on the road.

I shifted in my seat, flattening my dress. I turned to look at him, shifting my body so I could almost face him completely. “You can. I’m just surprised.”

“Well, good,” Dean grunted, moving one of his hands off the steering wheel to rest it in my lap. “Because it’s supposed to be a surprise. Means I’m doin’ good.”

I linked my fingers with his and squeezed his palm gently. I reached forward and turned on his music. I didn’t get enough of a chance to look at him normally. The moments were few and fleeting and usually when I looked at him, it felt like he was falling through my fingers like sand. I wanted to pull my phone out and take a picture of him, record him singing along to Simple Man, making my heart do flips.

Sometimes the most mundane things were the most beautiful. When we first were seeing each other we would drive around in the Impala, sing, laugh, and make out. I felt like a teenager, but instead of hiding from my parents, we were hiding from Sam.

“Troubles will come and they will pass. You'll find a woman and you'll find love,” Dean sang out.

I laughed and shook my head. “God, my ears are bleeding.”

“Hey, that’s rude.” Dean pulled his hand from mine and poked my ribs, inducing an embarrassing giggle fit.

“Quit! You’re going to make us crash,” I laughed, swatting his hand away. “You’re a problem, Winchester.”

“You love it, Sweetheart.”

I did. “Shut up.”

“Make me.” Dean winked at me and turned back to the road.

“How much longer until we get to wherever we are going, because trust me I will.”

“Thirty seconds.”

I raised an eyebrow as we turned down a dirt road. “Where are we?” I looked out the window, trying to make sense of our location. We hadn’t been driving for long, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was too busy watching him.

We drove past the trees and pulled up onto the grass in front of a small lake. It was peaceful, blue, with the reflection of the sky and the trees in the water like a mirror. The lake was manmade, with a fake sand beach. “Dean Winchester, did you bring me to the lake?”

“Good, I was worried your eyes were gettin’ bad,” he snickered, opening the door.

I rolled my eyes and got out of the car. “Okay, spill already. What’s going on?”

“Just relax.” He popped the trunk and pulled out an honest to goodness picnic basket. He flung a blanket over his shoulder and grabbed a cooler with his free hand. “Hope you’re hungry.”

“All I’ve had is that beer.”

“Breakfast of champions.”

I followed him down to the sand and he settled the cooler and basket, before laying out the blanket. “We’re having a picnic?”

“You feeling okay?” He asked me, putting a hand on my forehead. “Maybe you shouldn’t have had that beer.” He laughed shaking his head. “Sit down, baby.”

I rolled my eyes, letting out a dramatic huff as I plopped onto the blanket. “Did you cook?”

“Nope.” Dean opened up the basket and pulled out two brown paper sacks. Burgers from Hal’s. It was our favorite place. It was where we spent our first date. He even split his french fries with me. It was a big moment. “M’lady.”

“I knew I liked you!”

“Burgers are the way to your heart, noted.”

I leaned forward and kissed him, running my fingers across his rough jaw. He hummed into my lips, pulling me closer. His hands hooked at my waist and took me onto his lap. I ran my hands over his shoulders and down the center of his back. His tongue ran over my bottom lip and into my mouth. He was warm, soft, and sending chills up my spine. I tilted my head to deepen the kiss, brushing my chest against his. I couldn’t get enough of him. He surprised me. He surprises me every day that I’m with him.

Him

How the fuck was I supposed to focus at making things special when Y/N was sitting on me with that fucking dress on? What was I thinking? I ain’t cut out for this romantic shit. The making her scream out on a not-so-private beach, yeah that I can do easy, but the gooey romantic shit? I’ve never had to do it. I never wanted to before her.

I moved from kissing her lips to her jaw, slow and precise. I knew what she liked. I always thought being with one person would be a problem, that it’d be boring, but I didn’t anticipate her.

We knew each other inside out. She knew me and knew that I liked when her lips barely brushed over my nipples, and I knew right where that sensitive spot was on the inside of her left thigh. I knew shit about her that she didn’t even know. The freckles on her back from wearing a sleeveless shirt in the sun. The way that her nose wrinkled up when she was pissed off. The way that she swallowed so many things that I knew she wanted to say, but couldn’t, because I was always fucking leaving. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t such a coward. Sometimes I wished I could just tell her the truth, what I was really thinking... I wished a lot of things. My lips traveled up her neck to whisper against her ear. “Eat your burger.”

“So bossy,” she groaned quietly.

I couldn’t help but smirk, she was so fuckin’ cute it almost pissed me off. Wasn’t fair, how after all that time she still looked amazing in that dress. It made my head spin. I tugged at the hemline. “You’re usually the boss, Y/N, today it’s me.”

“Mm, is that so?”

Her voice had that low hum that she got when she was getting turned on, worked up, she got it when she was coming undone. Which, in turn, made me come undone. I slid her down to sit between my legs, trying to avoid pressing my hard on into her back, and handed her the Hal’s bag. “Come on, it’s not good when it’s cold.”

“Says you,” she grumbled.

“Oh, shit, one more surprise.”

I reached into the cooler and pulled out a melting chocolate milkshake and handed it to her. “Wait,” she said with an eyebrow raised. “There isn’t beer in that cooler?”

I scoffed with a sharp laugh. “Of course there’s beer, there’s just also ice cream. Best paired with fries.” I dipped one of mine into her shake and ate it, grinning from the salty and sweet.

“Where’s yours?”

“We’re sharing.” I shrugged, shoving another straw into the dome lid. “It’s cute and shit.”

“I’m a grown ass woman, Dean Winchester. I don’t share my milkshakes.” She turned dramatically with a fake pout, before pulling her knees to her chest. Her dress fell down mid thigh, and she stared out at the water.

I wanted to tell her everything. The way her hair fell in front of her face, the smudge of her lipstick under her bottom lip from kissing, and the way she chewed on her straw absentmindedly made me want to say everything. I wanted her to know my fears, the shit that kept me up all night, I wanted to talk about my dad, about all the weight on my shoulders. I wanted to tell her how sometimes I felt like I was fucking drowning, and I wanted to tell her how she was fresh air. She was my fucking life support. But how could I tell her that? That’s just dumping my weight on her. She doesn’t deserve it. Not any of it.

So, she was looking out at the lake like there’s something really interesting. Like I was missing something. “Hey,” I whispered, wiping her lipstick smudge with my thumb.

“Hm?”

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Fish.”

“Fish? What about fish?”

“The lake is man made, right? So they brought all the fish here. They didn’t grow up here or develop here. They didn’t ask to be here, they just are. It’s kind of sad. Tragic.”

She was always doing that shit. Saying something that left me just... empty, hollowed out, and suddenly I didn’t have an intelligent thought it my brain.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, turning to me alarmed.

“Nohin’,” I mumbled.

She squinted at me and shook her head, standing up. “Nope, we aren’t doing this. Me and you, Winchester.”

“What?” I asked, alarmed.

“We aren’t going to not say shit. We aren’t going to swallow it and pout around. I was promised fun. So, I have a proposition.”

I cleared my throat. “Okay?”

“Swimming.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t swim and you don’t have a bathing suit.”

She reached back behind her and pulled the tie, loosening her dress. She leaned forward, exposing her cleavage to me, and she pressed her lips to my ear. “Who said anything about a bathing suit,” she whispered.

Holy shit.

Her

The look on his face was gold. That slack-jaw, wide eyed, love-spell look. I turned away from him and walked toward the water. I reached down and worked my dress up my thighs. I smiled widely when I heard him suck in his breath at the new knowledge that I’ve been naked under the dress the whole day.

Knowing that I could get a guy like Dean worked up has always been a personal win for me. I mean, Jesus, it was almost disgusting how beautiful he was. He was one of those guys that was cute, sexy, and handsome all at once. He was hot, and he didn’t even try. He was the kind of hot that made me weak in the knees and wishing I’d worn some kind of underwear so I wasn’t so exposed from the desire that came from just hearing him breathe near me.

The water was up to my waist before I felt his strong arms snake around me, thick muscles squeezing around my middle. His chest brushed my back and his teeth nipped against my shoulder. “How do you smell so good?” He growled low, sucking at my skin.

I could ask him the same thing. Usually it was sweat, musk, leather, and booze. But sometimes it was gentler, pine soap, and freshly washed sheets. That sleepy smell that babies had. I couldn’t help but wonder what a baby with him would look like. Fat freckles cheeks, wide green eyes, little whispers of his hair. But the fantasy never lasted long, because the reality was, that if I had a baby Dean, I would have it alone.

I could feel him brush against my lower back, suddenly aware that I wasn’t the only one dripping with need. I turned around to face him, not able to take a solid look before his lips were crashing into mine. It was all teeth, pressure, pain. His fingers were knitted in my hair, and his other hand squeezing my ass in his hand. He patted my thigh, prompting me to jump into his arms. I jumped, and he squatted down, catching me with his free hand. My legs pretzeled around his, my thighs squeezing gently.

“Fuck, Sweetheart,” Dean growled against my lips, making my head spin all over again.

His hand slid between my thighs with an unbelievable tenderness. His lips slowed against mine, drinking me in. His tongue was almost explorative as he felt every space in my mouth, his lips moving in tandem with the flick of his wrist and gentle caress of his thumb on my clit. I wanted to reach for him, to feel him, but he was buried below me since I was being held above belly button level. So I was stuck with my nails in his back, thighs trembling, sucking on his bottom lip. His hand held my lower back, holding me in place so his fingers could explore a place they already knew, one finger, two, three and my back was arching, head falling back.

Dean kissed between my breasts, leaving purple puckers where his lips were, sealing them with tiny flicks of his tongue. He was slow, deliberate, not quite teasing, and it was good. I could feel my eyelashes fluttering and my mouth hanging open as I tried to remember how to breathe, how to hold myself up, how to be alive.

We spent a lot of time like that. Sex. Fucking. It was all bodies, moving, tasting each other. It felt elemental, like it was something nature demanded of us. He was my Dean, and he knew me. But this, this was different. This wasn’t bed breaking, fuck me until I forget how to speak sex.

He whispered against my skin with gentle brushes of his mouth. “Let it out, Sweetheart. Whatever you’re holding inside, I want all of it.”

We spent a lot of time fucking, but this wasn’t that. My eyes fluttered open, and I saw the sun dipping in the distance, oranges and pink streaking through a cloudless blue sky. He was making love to me. That’s what it was. Dean Winchester, the man of quickies in the front seat of the Impala while Sam was on a beer run, was selflessly giving himself over to me asking for nothing in return. If I thought I was gone on him before, I didn’t know shit.

I rolled my spine up, despite the fact that it was complete jelly, and grabbed the back of his neck with both hands. I stared at him with blurry, unfocused eyes. “I want you.”

“You have me,” Dean promised, his gaze intense as his fingers twisted, causing me to gasp out.

“All of you,” I mumbled, pressing my slick forehead to his.

His deep green eyes met mine, all trees reflected in the crystal clear lake, and he smiled. His lips pressed back against mine, and he fulfilled my wishes.

We moved together, sweat mingling with the water, my back arched, his hands pressing me closer. He laid me out, his hand supporting me as my back almost floated in the water, my hair floating out around me. The sun wasn’t gone completely, but I was seeing stars. Fuck, maybe I was seeing Heaven. My ankles had my legs locked around his waist, moving with him as he pressed deeper and rolled his hips. I reached up, pulling myself back up to his face, his lips, pressing our foreheads together.

We slowed. Time slowed. Crawled. We were the only two people in the world. Dean and I were in a bubble that belonged only to us. I suspected then, that maybe this would be how I’d die, wrapped around him like a vine, withering away from desire. I thought for a moment that I may cry, as my legs and stomach tingled from the repetitive movement, from Dean continuing to stroke and press my buttons. I was coming undone. He was peeling me apart piece by piece, undoing me from the inside out until I was just confetti in his hands.

Our eyelashes fluttered, mouths open in a gasp of complete togetherness as we tipped over the edge, and all I could think was, Jesus Christ, this is it. I’m a fool. I will never survive this. I will love him until the day that I die.

Him

“One more surprise,” I said with a wide grin, looking at Y/N with her messy lake hair, lounging in my t-shirt and boxers. “Close your eyes.”

She followed my instructions, laying on her back. Her features were relaxed, and I just had to look at her for a minute. She was beautiful in a way that I never understood. It gave me a twist in my gut, like maybe I was looking at something that I shouldn’t. Something good. Sammy always worried that he was unclean, but fuck if I didn’t believe we both were. Cas always said I was the righteous man, but a lot of good that did me in the end. I made the wrong choices over and over again. A million times over, but no matter what I did, she never left. She knew it all, every little bad thing, and she was still there, laying gracefully on the beach at a shitty lake with her eyes closed.

I had this unbelievable moment where it occurred to me that this moment was leaving even as it was happening. We would never have this again no matter how hard we tried. She would never be this beautiful, not like this, and I had this heart stopping realization that I may never care about anyone like this again. It was terrifying. A million times worse than dealing with Lucifer, the darkness, the mark, demons, the end of the fucking world. I don’t do this shit. Tried it with Lis, but then again... Lisa isn’t Y/N. No one is. She’s one of a kind.

If I was a better man, I’d let her leave. I’d send her walking. This life wan’t one for someone like her, but as I watched her painted toes curl into the sand I knew that I never could. I wasn’t a better man. I was just me.

So I brought out the ritual candles that I found in the bunker and stuck them in the sand around us, lighting them, and I pulled Sammy’s laptop out of the trunk, sitting it between us. “Alright, open ‘em.”

She opened one eye at a time, taking everything in. She sat up slowly, propping herself up by her arms. The sun had dipped below the lake, and her features seemed to dance in the candle light. “Are we doing a seance?”

I frowned. “No. Don’t chicks like this shit? Beaches, candle light...”

“This one has blood on it, Dean,” Y/N laughed, pointing at the candle next to her.

“Shit.”

I was wrong, before. She could be more beautiful. As she laughed, her head falling back, my chest ached to hold her. My stomach bubbled up in a laugh, because damn, her laugh was contagious.

“You tried, Dean.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled, pulling her against me.

“You’re sweet,” she hummed, her soft fingers against my cheek. My skin was left warm from the brush of her fingers.

“I’m a goddamn mess.”

Her eyes searched mine, and she shook her head. “You’re a lot of things, Dean Winchester, but a mess isn’t one of them.” Then she kissed me, as if it was that easy to accept. As if she had some kind of fucking answer that I didn’t.

“Wait, there’s another part.” I leaned forward and opened up the laptop, hoping that I still remembered how to queue up the movie. Sam had it set up, but I was shit at technology. Bingo. I pressed play, and the opening scene of Men in Black started.

“No way,” she gasped, looking at me. “You never want to watch Will Smith movies with me.”

“Never said that.” I shrugged, settling back down.

“You’re jealous of him.”

“No,” I snorted. “I am not.”

“You are,” she teased, pressing her lips to my nose and then the corner of my mouth. My heart hammered in my chest like I was a fucking teenager, and I kind of loved it.

“I’m just sayin’ that I fight real monsters, not some bullshit alien with a rocket launcher,” I grumbled. Real mature, Dean.

“And that’s why you’re fucking me in a lake and not Will Smith,” she said cheekily.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, that’s why?”

“What’s this about, Dean?” She brushed my cheekbone with her thumb, her eyes looking over my face. “Don’t get me wrong, I love this. Today has been amazing... Just... why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?”

I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingertips. How could I say it? It wasn’t in me. But then there was her. The way she looked sprawled out in the water whispering, “All of you.” I believed her, and I wanted all of it. Whatever the fuck that meant. “I just...Shit. I suck at this,” I laughed scratching the back of my neck. It tingled from the sunburn I’d gotten from earlier in the day.

“Just try,” she urged gently. “You can tell me anything.”

“Fine,” I said with a quick exhale. “I’m gonna do it before I lose my nerve. I... I don’t want you to go. Don’t want you to leave me. I... you’re important to me, Y/N, always have been. I know I’m not exactly the best... fuck, boyfriend? Guy? I’m not someone to come home to. I’m always in danger, and I make stupid choices. I’m not the guy who gets the happy ending, but I don’t want to lose you.”

She smiled then, a smile that didn’t quite meet her sad, wet eyes. “Dean Winchester, how can you be so smart, but such a fucking idiot at the same time?”

“What?”

“I’m not going anywhere, you fucking asshole. What part of the last half of a decade has made you think that I’m anything other than completely in this? I’ll take whatever you’ll give me. The good, the bad, the ugly. I’ll take you on sunny days, rainy ones, and the ones where the sky is literally falling on our heads. Boyfriend, guy, whoever you want to be. You don’t have to be someone I can come home to, Dean, because I will be the one that you can come home to.” She ran her tongue along her bottom lip like she was trying to sort something out inside of her head.

And fuck if I didn’t love her more than I thought was ever possible.

As soon as the thought entered my head I couldn’t erase it, I couldn’t run from it, or hide. It was there. I was raw and exposed, and I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I always loved her.

“I’m in love with you, you fucking idiotic asshole. I don’t say it because I know that scares you, but maybe I need to spell it out for you,” she laughed lightly, shaking her head, her hair falling into her eyes. “I love you, and the only way I’m leaving is if you tell me to.”

She loved me, too. Me. It felt fake. Like a lie, or a dream. But I was there. I could feel the sand in my fingers, and the exhaustion in my dick from my heart and body bleeding out into her out in the water. Life moved too fucking fast, and suddenly one second is a lifetime, and there Y/N is looking at me with those eyes that took my fucking breath away saying that she wanted it. A life. With me.

“Shit, Dean? Did you hear me?”

I was just staring at her like a fucking idiot, and I let out a breathless laugh. “I think I’m in shock.”

“Dean I...”

“Because, Sweetheart, I never thought in a million lifetimes that you’d ever love me back.”

“Love you... back?”

I gave her a quick nod and her lips bursted into a wide smile. “God you’re the worst,” she mumbled, throwing her arms around my neck so she could kiss me, and breathe life back into my body like she had a thousand times before, and the way she would a thousand times still if I had anything to say about it.

—————-

I hope you enjoyed reading!

Check out my Master List and my AO3 for more content.

If you like my writing and want to help me pursue my publishing goals, support my writing! :)

164 notes · View notes

bae-leth · 5 years

Text

I had a bunch more stuff I wanted to say about Faris and Natalia’s relationship in the Fraldarddyd family AU but I thought it would be easier on everyone to put all my thoughts in one submissions instead of sending a dozen asks this time. Also, lol, I can’t believe I keep coincidentally giving these characters the names of your relatives, what the heck???

Let’s just go over Faris first. He’s a friendly and social guy. He’s obsessed with the stars and can talk about them for hours if given the chance. He’s a smart guy and super politically savvy, perfectly at home in even the most cutthroat political climates. He’s known to be very mischievous and prone to pranks, though the less he likes you then the harsher his pranks can be. He and Natalia are the same age but he’s a couple months younger, which she loves to hold over him especially after he grows taller than her. He and Zain are pretty close despite Zain loving to give his little brother shit whenever possible. I see him being magically gifted, so I imagine him as a Warlock. I see him mainly taking after Claude in terms of looks (I don’t really have a spouse in mind for Claude in this AU so I’m leaving that part kinda vague).

Strengths – Reason, Authority; Weaknesses – Axe, Brawl, Heavy Armor; Budding Talent - Lance

Zain is two years older than Faris and basically anyone who meets him considers him a stern and serious no-nonsense kind of crown prince. This is how he’s like around most people. However he allows himself to relax and show off a much more playful, emotional, teasing side around people he trusts wholeheartedly (his immediate family and a small handful of friends). He resembles his brother in having the same eye color and skin tone, but Zain looks much more rugged and mature. Unlike Faris he is perfectly at home on the battlefield, being a renowned Sniper with plenty of victories to his name. He never became a Barbarossa like his dad cause he’s scared of heights. He enjoys the ocean a ton, so he’s always up for ocean voyages and will take any and every chance to explore coastlines.

Strengths - Bow, Axe, Authority; Weaknesses – Faith, Flying; Budding Talent - Riding

The whole engagement thing between Faris and Natalia is largely unofficial and both sides mainly just want their kids to become close to promote good relations between Fodlan and Almyra. Although things would really work out the best if the pair did become romantically involved but no one is really pushy about it. Especially since Faris and Natalia just do NOT like each other. Honestly the only thing stopping the first meeting between the royal children from being a complete disaster is that both Faris and Zain quickly become attached to Artemis (prince of stealing hearts without even trying). Faris and Artemis latch onto each other since they have so much in common (second princes, good at magic, similar weaknesses, bookworms, etc) while Zain ends up considering Artemis like another little brother while Artemis really look up to Zain (it’s thanks to Zain that Artemis’ budding talent is bows). Also Zain actually ends up being friendly with Natalia too (he likes her strong, honest personality and honestly he finds the disaster that is hers and Faris’ relationship hilarious, plus she thinks he’s super cool and likes sparring with him). So it’s literally just Natalia and Faris at odds with each other.

“If you like Artemis so much, why don’t you marry him instead?!” “Maybe I will!” “Fine!” “Fine!” “FINE!” “FINE!!!” *Zain and Artemis in the background, talking about their favorite desserts and not getting involved in their siblings’ fight*

“Claude I’m starting to doubt if this will work out. The two of them hate each other.” “Well Felix hated you plenty for a few years and look at you now. Adorable little lovebirds, a love story perfect for the bards to sing of!” “Listen here you little-” “Felix please.”

In order to try and help Natalia and Faris get along they’re both sent to visit each other’s homeland a bunch over the years. Occasionally the whole family goes but the rulers can’t keep running off all the time. So most of the time it’s Natalia (and Artemis because Natalia barricaded herself in her room until her dads agreed to let her take Artemis along “to see that stupid Faris’ face”) visiting Almyra for several weeks and then a little while later it’s Faris visiting Fodlan, particularly Faerghus, for several weeks (only bringing Zain when he’s in a particularly bad mood thanks to Natalia since Zain keeps making fun of him otherwise).

Faris is kinda sorta okay when he’s in Faerghus, even though it’s absurdly cold most of the time. Hell, every time he thinks he’s wearing enough the weather proves him wrong. Natalia keeps laughing at him when he has to dress up like a marshmallow in order to go out in Faerghus winters. Natalia is very brutal in snowball fights…RIP Faris. He definitely prefers to stay inside by the fireplace, though Natalia is insistent on dragging him outside. It usually ends in him spending the last few days of his stay sick in bed.

Natalia, like Dimitri, is dead in heat so every time she goes to Almyra she spends around a week just laying on her bed wearing as little as proper manners will allow. Faris alternates between “helping” by practicing his ice magic on her or otherwise relying on her need to do better than him to goad her into playing with him. Though he had to lay off on that after Natalia got heatstroke once.

Natalia considers it a personal insult that her beloved horse absolutely adores Faris when he’s usually very picky about who he allows near him (“Ares, how could you do this to me?!” *neighs* “Oh don’t give me that attitude young man!”)

Faris, in the meanwhile, is not pleased by how his retainers-in-the-making are absolutely smitten with Natalia (“Did you see her in yesterday’s spar with the new recruits? She could break my spine and I’d thank her.” “Please, sweet embrace of death, come for me.”)

Artemis and Zain start being regular pen pals as they compare archery notes, seek advice from one prince to another, talk about recent events in their homeland and in their lives, and complain about their siblings/commentate on whether or not they’ll get together.

“I don’t know, Zain, after that incident with the birds Sister said, and I quote, ‘The next time I see that scrawny piece of *ahem* garbage, he’s dead. Almyra will be down a prince and they’ll be all the better for it.’ So I’m saying no.” “I’d agree with you, especially since Faris has been disturbingly interested in researching dark magic after eating those ‘super special Faerghus delicacies’ Natalia brought last time. But for as social as he is my brother is normally never so obsessed with anyone, so I think we may have a romance for the ages on our hands, my friend!”

The two of them play PLENTY of stupid pranks on each other over the years. Sometimes they flat out got into physical fights with each other. The people of Fodlan and Almyra have long since gotten used to the sound of Faris and Natalia yelling at each other and then the sound of crashing and punching.

That being said, not everything was bad between them. That one time Natalia got heatstroke, Faris was genuinely apologetic and worried about her and kept her company while she was bedridden. Likewise Natalia does feel bad when she keeps getting Faris sick while trying to show off Faerghus to him and will read him adventure stories to pass the time. Also I love the idea you mentioned of Faris trying to help Natalia get over her low spice intolerance (to mixed results, Natalia’s just glad she no longer downs an entire pitcher of water on her own after eating Almyran food). One time when a Faerghus noble child made a snide remark about Faris being Almyran, Natalia tackled the brat to the ground.

Faris, holding a tissue to Natalia’s bloody nose: “I thought you didn’t like me.” Natalia, very obviously confused: “??? What does not liking you have to do with you being Almyran?” Faris: “Heh, I suppose you’re right for once.”

“Zain, I think I want to change my opinion. Sister and Faris may have more of a chance than I originally thought.” “What did I tell you, Artemis? Romance for the ages…”

As the years pass and Natalia and Faris both grow and mature and mellow out, the two of them start to consider each other friends. They speak more, debate more, discuss their interests more, and slowly start to enjoy spending time together. Eventually it gets to the point where the two of them joke around about their kinda sorta engagement to each other. Natalia singing the absolute worst love songs while Faris writes the cheesiest poetry and love letters imaginable. Calling each other cutesy pet names, those kind of shenanigans.

Honestly, they mostly do it just to fuck with poor Zain and Artemis, who didn’t ask for this bullshit but are stuck with it anyways.

“Artemis, I need you to kill me, I can’t tolerate them anymore.” “Come now, Zain, it’s not so bad! Hey, why don’t we go for a ride on Altena? That always calms me down!” “I cannot stress enough how much I would rather die than do that…” “What are you trying to say about my sweet Altena, huh?” “Would you stop taking it as an insult against your wyvern every time?!”

Natalia starts teaching Faris about fighting with lances. And Faris helps Natalia grow more used to handling politics.

Honestly, there was something special growing between them for quite some time after they started getting along better, but neither of them really recognized what it could be. But they kept getting closer and closer as time passed. At public events they stuck by each other’s side and often danced together. They were seen going off on rides together or just taking walks while talking.

Faris is the first one to recognize his feelings when he comes along to help Natalia out with a skirmish. The pair make a great team in battle, covering for each other’s weaknesses well. Faris, too exhausted after a large number of enemies surrounded him, is almost taken down from behind when Natalia saves him. His joke has a fair amount of relief and gratitude in it when he says “Thanks for the help, sweetheart!” But WOW when Natalia turns to him with the most dazzling smile on her face, looking like she practically glowing with the sun behind her, Faris feels like his heart stops. “Anytime, honey!” And Faris just keeps staring after her as she rushes off after another enemy.

Natalia was always pretty but Faris has never actually acknowledged how pretty until that moment. And his heart won’t stop racing, her smile and voice still in his head. And oh fuck, oh shit, he knows exactly what this is…

“Zain, you umm…you wouldn’t happen to know when the next visit to Fodlan is, would you?” “…Why do you ask, my dear little brother? :))))))” “…Are you going to tell Arty about this?” *Zain, pulling out a piece of parchment and quill* “What gives you that idea????”

Faris regrets everything when his parents and brother don’t let him live it down that he’s now realized he’s in love with Natalia. “Whatever happened to ‘I’d rather become a hermit and die alone and unloved on a barren mountain than ever marry her’ Faris? Seven-year-old you was soooo dramatic!” “Father, please.”

Things don’t change too significantly after Faris’ realization. But there are changes. He’s noticeably softer around Natalia, smiling gently around her or going along with her wishes more easily. Most of his pranks towards her tone down to being things that give her pleasant surprises. The most significant change comes from the love letters and poems purposefully written badly for jokes slowly becoming more sincere sounding and really sweet.

Natalia doesn’t know what to make of the changes. They’re odd but she’s more surprised by how much she enjoys it. She even reads Faris’ letters and poems over and over well into the night. A warm and peaceful feeling spreads through her every time she gets a new letter from Faris or he holds her closer than usual during a dance.

She doesn’t realize it’s love until sometime later when she visits Almyra. Faris is so bright and excited as he drags her outside in the dead of night because the skies are so clear that you can see way more stars than normal and it’s soooo beautiful. Faris happily explains the stories behind all the different constellations and laughs so happily recalling some of his favorite tales. Natalia stares and stares at him and thinks that she could watch him smile and laugh like that forever. At some point Faris starts holding her hands and pulls her close to him as he keeps pointing out constellations and telling her stories. And Natalia tries so hard to concentrate on his words but all she can focus on is his hands and how warm they are and so much bigger than hers and how she wants him to keep holding her and-Oh. Ooohhhh…Oh fuck…

“So, Sister, you enjoyed your last visit to Almyra a lot, didn’t you?” “Hmm? What gave that away, Artemis?” *Natalia, lying on her bed surrounded by all of Faris’ letters and poems to her, giggling to herself as she reads them* “…Just a hunch.”

“Felix, it seems Claude was right. He tells me Faris is rather obviously smitten. And it’s easy to tell Natalia is in love. While I’m sad at how quickly the children are growing up, it’s wonderful to see them so happy, isn’t it?” “Uh-huh yeah sure, do you think this blade is sharp enough or should I take it back to the blacksmith? I want it ready before the Almyrans come visit next month.” “…Why are you-?” “You know damn well why.” “Felix.”

“Well it seems you and I will get to call each other ‘brother’ soon enough, Artemis! Or well, hopefully soon enough. It depends on how long it takes our stubborn siblings to take those final steps.” “Agreed. But I’ve already thought of you as my brother for a long time now, Zain. We’ve known each other for so many years! Your one of my dearest friends and my brother in all but blood. :)” “…” “??? Zain, are you crying-?” “*sobs* NO, I’m not!”

#submission #anon #fraldarddyd family au #oooOOOOO IM IN LOVE WITH THIS..... IVE BEEN REREADING A LOT WHILE IT SSAT IN MY INBOX!!#my fave parts: ares betraying natalia (LMAO OMG I KINDA JUST. DIED)#zain and artemis' letters are fantastic and i love watching the Journey #and ofc natalia and faris' developing relationship bc guess who DIED whilst reding it!!!#by the end i had my head in my hands!!! they are so sweet..... i CARE THEM.....#and ofc dima and felix in the bg..... good dads. sword ready dad in felix's case #but good dads all the same #anyway pls understand that i adore this #so much WHEW #i am going to bed CONTENT tonight!!#ty so much anon i owe u my life...

8 notes · View notes

bhadpodcast · 5 years

Text

So I’m not really sure you should post this because I’m gonna name the title and author of the fic but I’m just a little confused by this fic so here goes:

[redacted by request]

This was like Schrödingers Scott stan for me?

Ok so the first pairing in the tags is Stiles/Derek but then there is the “slow burn Sceo” tag and I’m like Sceo? but ok. It’s a re-write of season 6B, so all other seasons should apply (I’ll come back to that one).

So the fic starts with Siles and Derek already a couple (which has become like a little red flag for me? Now domestic fluff is great, I love that stuff. But lately a lot of not-really-Sterek fics have used that. Tag the fic Sterek, Sterek is already a couple, couple X/Y is the acutal main story) and Stiles is training with Deaton to be Dereks emissary (Derek is an alpha, either again or still). Stiles and Derek don’t really turst Deaton so they bring in an emissary from a different pack to help Stiles. So far standard fare.

This guy comes in and has practically a villain sign flashing over his head. Not only that but in his first interaction with Deaton he basically says “I’m the villain of this fic”.

Then Stiles sees Scott killing his dad and (the fic kinda lets it open ended, at first, if it really was Scott being controlled or something that looked like Scott) goes “I’m gonna use ALL my power to kill Scott” *record scratch* wait what? and Derek goes “whatever you say, honey” *eyebrow raise* ..ok?

So then Scott gas to go on the run from the Hale pack (which includes Lydia, yay, and Malia, ugh) with only the help of Deaton, Liam, Corey (who? lol), Mason and Theo. And I admit, this is the part where I started skipping. I basically only read the Sterek parts of the chapters (or the “not Scott” parts) which became less and less, so my knowledge of the fic gets kinda wonky.

Stiles gets more and more corrupted by evil!emissary (he had some funky name like Moody, Modhi, Moudi? idk, evil!emissary it is) and Derek is an alpha that goes “I don’t know what to do, lets just make my boo happy, I guess”. Evil!emissary and Peter kill Satomi and Derek just grumbles about it.

And this fic could’ve still been something if the author had made them villains. Like a dark!fic where Stiles and Derek hunt down Scott could’ve been interesting! but no.

I don’t remember which came first but Derek meets up with Scott and goes “I know evil!emissary is evil but I’m worried about Stiles, so could you plan something while I keep Stiles save?” and Theo arranges a meeting between Stiles and Scott and Stiles like “I know it seems ooc for you to kill my dad (and ooc for me to not have *any* questions, like at all) and that evil!emissary is evil but I will observe evil!emissary while you make a plan ok?”

I skipped a lot and still wasn’t complety sure if the author was a Scott stan. Stiles and Derek were dumb but not the villains?

Then it gets weird (I know, I *know* now? wait for it). The “ghost” of the Sheriff shows up and Stiles meets with him. The “Sheriff” informs Stiles of a spell that could proove that Scott is guilty and avenge the “Sheriff” (Stiles of course doesn’t question any of it because he knows that’s not how his dad sounds so why question it).

Derek tries to stop Stiles but is too late. Stiles does the spell, sees Scott didn’t kill the Sheriff (wow, what a twist, I’m shocked) but also turns Scott into a beta til the next full moon.

Then evil!emissary reveals that he was evil (dun dun dun!) and in a really surprising twist that the mute apprentince he had was actually a hexed Cora in disguise that he had turned into a alpha and manipulated the pack bonds to make Derek obsolete and him in control of the new Hale alpha (this fic could’ve been good! dammit).

Then he orders Stiles to kill Derek and Lydia and Stiles has no control over his body because he let evil!emissary manipulate him for 15 chapters. Now normally I would go “Dereks not really dead” but with this fic? I really didn’t know but I also was 2 chapters to the end and still not sure if this was a Scott stan, a twisted Sterek or a new!pack fan including Sterek for the hits.

Evil!emissary and Deaton have a showdown (btw before the showdown the fic “earns” it rating by having Liam/Brett and Scott/Theo bone) while Scott inacts his plan (since I skipped, idk if this plan was told or not).

Derek and Lydia are not dead (ha!), Deaton helps Stiles free himself from evil!emissarys control, the “Sheriff” is a vampire called Ennis, Scott and his pack subdue the other wolfes and evil!emissary dies (and meets up with a guy in the afterlife? apparently I skipped a tragic backstory, oops).

Stiles profusely appologizes to Scott and Scott gracefully accepts while remebering the Nogitsune (which brings to my other peeve, the *whole* fic when it comes to Stiles/Scott conflict they only mention the Nogitsune but not *Donovan*! Theo it there and they mention the Dread Doctors so season 5 must’ve happened but no Donovan?!).

The remaining alphas (Deucalion is there, I didn’t mention him because he does as much as he did in the real season 6B, and Brett became an alpha somewhere?) decide to have a peace summit and Scott gets to hold it because he’s the best.

The end

From chapter to chapter I was unsure. Is this a Scott stan? Ok this is pro Scott but is it anti Stiles? Why is there Sterek? Why even use it if not going full dark!pack?

Sorry for giving you this wall of text. Hopefully you found it even parts amusing. I don’t think you’ll read this fic but if you are: this isn’t written badly but here there be epithets, you’ll get a lot (a lot!) of the wolf/the older one/the dark haired one etc.

Thanks for letting me vent *kiss*

XXX XXX XXX

SK: Actually, I looooove this! I could have warned you about EK though.

He pretends to be neutral and basically think sterek are hot and dumb. So he tolerates them, but can’t stand the attention they get over Scott. He’ll swear up and down he’s unbiased, but as you can see in this fic…. lol.

A Good Guide for recognizing Scott stan nonsense in Sterek fics:

1) Scott is paired with someone who has a bigger following with Stiles (usually Theo, sometimes Liam and Peter).

2) Established Sterek so they can throw it in the background

3) Stiles is extremely black and white. No middle ground, he wants to kill evrything, he’s recklessly impulsive, he acts like he suddenly hates Scott

4) Maliuggh is in the Hale pack

5) Deaton is good and never questioned or he is and there’s an undertinge of racism

6) Everything *happens* to Scott, he never is the producer of action towards him

7) All the commenters are from the Teen Wolf Legacy discord

Again, they can have that fic, I’m not against it. I don’t even mind them tagging Sterek. Just as long as they know they’re not fooling anyone. *shrugs*

The main thing that bothers me is that without the pettiness there is a good and interesting story in there. I saw someone ask about the lack of communication and the reasoning EK gave for Stiles not questioning are the same that they try to give to Scott when he messes up.

In a regular fan, you can hand wave this, but what they’re doing is creating a dynamic where we forgive Stiles for his actions and then when we rag on Scott they can point to it and be like “See? You’re racist! It was ok when Stiles did it, context doesn’t matter!”

That obvious lack of transparency is what makes it so you can’t enjoy a simple fic. Like is it worth their time to write 93k of petty fic?

Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I have to read it. It’s even harder when it’s a WIP. Once I see the story going south I’m like PAUSE and wait until it’s done.

#submission #messy #links

15 notes · View notes

scarlettlawyer · 5 years

Text

Phantoms and Mirages Commentary, Part 2

(Part 1 here)

Chasing Phantoms, Chapter 11

Simon hadn’t expected the phrase ‘how you say’ to be uttered by a foreigner outside of fiction, but there it was.

HAHAHAAA. Now that’s what I call good foreshadowing! I also found this sentence rather interesting the first time around because I was, in fact, reading a work of fiction. But also, I thought to myself “hmm… you know, sometimes stereotypes/clichés can be echoed in reality.” I found it quite interesting that the text chose to comment on the choice of words like this (obviously not knowing the truth of Domestique’s grasp of English), and it managed to make me go “well I suppose it could happen?” And just kind of, accept it as an occurrence that really could happen in real life, albeit not often, and certainly not as often as fiction likes to suggest.

It was like a sentence that contained a lampshade hanging, a touch of self-awareness in that this is a fictional story, and something that encouraged me to think how it would be for me to hear a non-native English speaker say this IRL all in one. If I did hear a foreigner say “how you say” (assuming that their English was extremely basic to the extent that they’d struggle to really say anything), I really would not give it too much thought, after all. I’m pretty sure I have heard “how to say” used before IRL in the same manner.

The text saying “it’s weird to hear this said outside of fiction” is a double-edged sword going, “…and this is another fictional instance to add to the list, reiterating this fact” but also “in the context of the writing and the universe, I encourage you to think that this is a “real” instance within the story”.

And then the lampshade hanging actually becomes foreshadowing in retrospect, and ACTUALLY reiterates the idea that it’s a stereotypical type of foreigner-talk not really seen in real life – a go-to for someone faking a lack of English. So much invoked and going on here just in this really brief sentence/moment…

This story, with its later reveal, goes, “actually, we’re not going to have a foreigner talk in an extremely stereotyped way, EVEN if this fact is drawn attention to!”

He remembered the imposter questioning him about his sexuality. At first, he had insisted that it didn’t matter- that it could be whatever the imposter wanted it to be, because he hadn’t ever acted on it.

Man, back when I made this post, I was not even up to this part yet! I didn’t realise the text itself would bring it up so directly. Of course, you have Blackquill earlier going “if Bobby is gay, the phantom must have also known that Bobby is gay”, but I didn’t realise at that time it had actually been a direct question type deal as my post had joked. (Because, for example, if Bobby was open about being gay it could have been overheard mentioned in conversation by the phantom, or if Bobby had previous relationships that the phantom knew about, things like that, since I didn’t have the Full Picture earlier on in the story and for all I knew at that time, Bobby had been openly gay.) So, this small moment actually makes my joke post totally redundant from the “the phantom has to ask Bobby his sexual preferences” angle. XD. But, in fact, this is actually a recurring theme that happened to me as I read these fics. As the series went onwards, I found more and more that it didn’t matter how I joked, the jokes were being rendered totally redundant by the actual source material. I couldn’t believe it – it was amazing and I loved it. I tried to JOKE but the jokes were becoming REAL and often intertwoven with the very core of the fic’s narrative. At a certain point, I just gave up and stopped joking, because I realised it seemed there was essentially nothing I could say or do that the series wasn’t prepared to take up with absolute seriousness and execute, often in a brilliant manner (or include as a joke of its own). I realised that I kinda just had to “shut up and keep reading”, as it were. You were always two steps ahead.

Even if you go back to the very first chapter, which for the most part is very gloomy and depressing, but you still have the phantom interrogating Bobby as to whether he’s “a cat or a dog person”. This exact hypothetical occurrence has been subject to joke posts. Naturally, because it’s such a minor and inconsequential detail, and it’s a lighthearted topic. Now, I know, that the phantom would still very much (feel the) need to know the answer to those sorts of things anyway. You would think they would rely on observation, eavesdropping, approaching Bobby through a different persona to get the answers, etc, and yes, in your fic he does in fact do all of those things in addition to interrogation and questioning. I didn’t find him throwing out the question to Bobby at the start of the fic particularly realistic, but then again, there’s likely hundreds of small inconsequential details he found out through alternative methods, and these were just leftover questions that he still wanted answers to. At the time I started the fic, I just accepted it despite my scepticism because of willing suspension of disbelief and the fact that it’s kinda funny(?). Like, you have this super serious scene detailing a truly awful situation that Bobby is in, but the phantom being like “are you a cat or a dog person???” has an inherent ability to invoke some kind of amusement. (Although mind you, I was too busy focusing on Bobby’s REALLY sucky situation to be truly amused at the time). Back then, I chose to overlook the “realism” aspect, not least because I liked the idea of him asking Bobby this, but now, I can fully accept it because your writing is just that good; meaning I know you’ve thought through things like that quite thoroughly already, and like I said, these were probably just leftover questions he hadn’t had time to use alternative means to get the answers to at that point, anyway.

Still, the new Fulbright had claimed that it ‘didn’t work that way’ and that he needed to know the details for certain.

Phantom: please I’m begging you don’t force me to make any decision on your behalf. I hate doing that, or at least I would if I could really feel hate. I have no real personality and therefore no real basis to pick and choose. I need a framework to work with here, dammit!

You know! In spite of my initial reactions to changed!Bobby, it’s really interesting and kind of thrilling to see him be ‘cruder’ and more open. I quite liked it. It pops up a few times and it’s always fun! Unlike my reactions to things like his smoking (which, of course, he later gives up), by the time I’ve settled down to the idea of a changed Bobby, seeing him say some things that original!Bobby would never say don’t give me any real discomfort that makes me yell “YOU’RE NOT BOBBY!”. Rather, having already eased somewhat into a changed Bobby, I can accept it and in fact believe it as a solid part of his new character. Not only that, but I like the new character that has emerged after having been Randy Liberate. Bobby Fulbright reasserting himself, but it’s unrealistic that he’d be exactly the same as he was before. The smoking or complete abandonment of ideals of justice are what I balk at because it’s not really the core of who Bobby is, and that’s why these things are ultimately done away with as Bobby leaves Randy Liberate behind. But a newly acquired openness, crudeness and wariness/cynicism of justice remain, and I don’t balk at those – I accept them as part of who the new Bobby is. I love the original Bobby to bits, but I also like what the new Bobby brings too.

Chasing Phantoms, Chapter 12

However, the notion remained that if indeed there was a second accomplice, that person was still out there. Perhaps aiding the Phantom even now.

Perhaps… 🤔 I wonder, where on earth could they be? 😉 “PERHAPS aiding the Phantom even NOW”, oh you must have enjoyed writing that line.

The Phantom’s second accomplice was Domestique LaSoote. The man who’d aided in the Phantom’s release was sitting right there in his living room.

THE MOMENT this is brought to light, I was immediately like “OH. Yeah, so that means that’s not Bobby – it’s the phantom. No question. Game over. Get out Blackquill, now, for your own sake, please, but in an unsuspicious way.” Or, at the very least, you literally can’t verify for sure and you should always veer on the side of caution with these things. ALWAYS assume the worst. Or, a game of trying to discreetly determine if it’s the real Bobby without tipping the phantom off if its not Bobby. Aaaaaaah.

“Fulbright, I need to speak with you for a moment. In private, if you will.”

SIMON WATCH OUT, THAT’S NOT BOBBY FULBRIGHT IT’S THE PHANTOM. OH MY GOD HE HAS AIRPODS IN HE CAN’T HEAR ME. OH MY G

SIMON WHY-

All I know is that if it was me, my immediate thought would be “if he’s the phantom’s accomplice, that would leave the phantom easily able to come in and take Bobby’s place – therefore I can’t know if that’s the real Bobby or the phantom.” But Simon acted fast and had a lot on his mind and to take in. I’m sure if he had just a little bit more time to process what he realised, he would have clued on quickly too.

Chasing Phantoms, Chapter 13

Okay, I actually did get very afraid that Taka was really dead. Would have been unbelievably awful. ;-;

Man the phantom was/is SO dislikable to me this chapter, or at least, for all of the most of it. Like, go to hell, phanty. XD

Me: you might be my favourite character but right now you’re being REALLY annoying, not even in any kind of funny/”redeeming” way just a plain aggravating way, and you need to go away

It comes back to what I said in the previous post about me mistakenly thinking “the author” didn’t care much for the phantom, and kinda wanted us to dislike him for the major jerk he is. Plus his seemingly “out of character” behaviour kinda rubbed me the wrong way, until it’s actually addressed towards the end of the chapter.

Which, in itself, harkens back to that fic I mentioned from somewhere on the PWKM in my previous commentary post. But this time around, although I was not fond of the phantom currently presenting himself in this fic, I was still determined to read it, because the fic itself was still super, super good.

“An experiment, really. I’m quite excited to see the outcome.”

“No, you aren’t.” “Hah, well, I’m interested in the results regardless.”

I LOVED THIS EXCHANGE SO MUCH THOUGH. A+ DIALOGUE RIGHT HERE

“I suppose that’s as close to a compliment as I’ll ever get.” The Phantom took a flourishing bow, gun still pointed directly at Athena as he did so.

OH MY GOD I THINK I KINDA MISSED THIS LINE THE FIRST TIME AROUND. HE ACTUALLY TAKES A BOW. I’m imagining it done Edgeworth-style… WE STAN A SARCASTIC, SMARMY LITTLE EMOTIONLESS JERK. Me: ok, ok phantom. I love you this chapter a LITTLE for this, at least. Or a lot. Heh. But your little ultimatum towards Blackquill is still sickening to the core!

The phantom’s little breakdown, the crying… none of this I fully appreciated the first time around. Past me was something else…

Now this scene with Simon exposing the fact that the phantom wanted his attention is interesting in that, reading it again, I was actually quite surprised to find that Blackquill indeed never outright states that it has anything at all to do with romantic attraction or whatever. But as far as their discussion just before the phantom gets that brain surgery states, it’s exactly what he’s thinking, and exactly what I assumed too… He just never says it out loud, in those exact words.

I’d assumed so strongly that it must have been directly stated here somewhere by Blackquill. And when that scene before the surgery pans out between them, I then figured: “huh, so the phantom must indeed have been confronted with that accusation but come to realise that the need for attention was deeper than that.” I figured that huh, he considered it seriously but came to the conclusion it was untrue. Except. Now that I know it was never specifically stated, that interpretation mightn’t have occurred to him. He maybe went straight to realising he had some very deep issues goin’ on unrelated to romantic inclinations or whatever.

Blackquill goes on to spend the next few months straight-up assuming that the phantom has/had the hots for him……… Only to have that notion shot down by the phantom himself.

The fact that he doesn’t say it outright, but is still thinking it though, is like….

Blackquill, in vague and indirect terms, from his perspective: I’ve got it. The reason you’re acting so strangely. You’re gay for me!

The phantom: [suffers breakdown]

His guesswork had paid off, though part of him was beginning to think this secret had been better left uncovered.

Blackquill: wait WHAT. are you for real right now. I was literally just pulling stuff out of thin air here. You’re actually attracted to me?! (Now there’s a scary and creepy thought…)

Blackquill, under the misconception that the phantom felt a really messed-up and twisted romantic interest & attraction to him: [shudders] TMI… SOME THINGS ARE DEFINITELY BETTER LEFT UNCOVERED

And………… This scene with the phantom being kinda shattered and breaking down…… does resonate more with me, with the knowledge that the motivation and need for attention and acknowledgement was not motivated on the romantic scale, but rather went deeper than that, as you say. Although, it is hard to say, since I hadn’t appreciated it nearly enough on the first readthrough. That is ALL I shall say for now on the matter. All in due time… :P

Chasing Phantoms, Chapter 14

Breaking these flimsy binds was just like pulling off a band-aid. One had to be quick and decisive. He pulled them apart in one fluid motion and the chain, unable to bear with such sudden force, broke into several pathetic fragments. Athena flinched in shock, then went straight on to looking exasperated. “You know, I’m starting to think you’re one of the most terrifying people I’ve ever met.”

“You’re welcome.”

Sdkjsdjnsdln ok Simon that was awesome. “just like pulling off a band-aid” I’M YELLING...

A good five more minutes passed in which everyone worked frantically with their shovels. Their shoes and pants became stained with mud, but no one complained. Not even Edgeworth, whose outfit was likely the most expensive.

The image of a mud-stained Edgeworth though… omg.

Chasing Phantoms, Chapter 15

Okay, I am so curious regarding the intricacies of what the dynamic between Domestique and the phantom was like. I’ll bring this up again from different angles in a later chapter commentary(s) but. Yeah!

“I’m just saying that maybe you shouldn’t be out carrying an unconscious body by yourself, Boss. It’s gonna look mighty suspicious.”

Like first off, he calls him “Boss” here, when it’s later established there’s not supposed to be any real hierarchy – rather, they’re supposed to be accomplices (?). Then again, the title might be being used sarcastically or insincerely here. Although, Domestique does actually take orders from the phantom… That is consistently shown to have been the status quo as well. Hmm.

And even if they’re “supposed” to be on equal footing, the phantom is in a position of power over Domestique because there’s so many things the phantom can leverage in order to force him to do what he wants. So there’s that too.

I also took this statement sincerely the first time around reading it back when I didn’t know Domestique very well – I thought it almost sounded like he was showing concern. But now I see it as much more flippantly spoken. It’s not the phantom he’s worried about, really. The fact is, Domestique has been unwillingly caught up in all this and he doesn’t want it all to blow up in their faces, cause he’ll have to deal with the fallout too when/if that happens. I guess that’s the main takeaway here.

“What part of sit down and behave is so hard for you to grasp? That ‘stupid bird’ is more obedient than you are.”

LOL PHANTOM WEREN’T YOU ONLY JUST SAYING THAT DOMESTIQUE “DOES AS HE’S TOLD” IN AN EARLIER CHAPTER. Amazing.

Oh, also, when we initially learned about the “Bobby has been buried” thing I got extremely worried because I figured it would be another huge thing to add to Bobby’s trauma, as my initial horrified thought was of him being buried in the ground, conscious, with nothing to do but to wait. And wait. Thinking he was going to just run out of oxygen and die. That was such an unbearable thought. I’m so glad he at least actually “slept” through most of the ordeal. Now the phantom did initially say “motionless” when the worst is assumed, but does not add this specification when the reality is unveiled to Blackquill, so hah, yeah, at least in that sense I’d thought things were worse than they actually were. Relieved my thoughts weren’t the case…

Chasing Phantoms, Chapter 16

…Wait. Wait. There are TWO ways to read one of the phantom’s parting sentences:

“Death is the only option I have left. Are you the one attempting to save me from a sentence that is justified now?”

I’d always read it the second way though.

“I would do so if there were any alternatives. There’s a lot of strings we’d have to pull on both Interpol’s end and the local police department’s end, but I see no other options. The only person qualified to impersonate the Phantom, ironically, is Bobby Fulbright.”

Reading this honestly blew my damn mind, I. Right now, I’m not even able to put into words how great and brilliant I found this upon reading it for the first time, to be honest. :D

#renegadewangs #phantoms and mirages #phantoms and mirages commentary #@ my followers please read this fic series #it's SO good #Bobby Fulbright #Simon Blackquill #the phantom

13 notes · View notes