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fedoraphe · 6 years

Text

FamILY

Summary: Patton didn't expect the Holiday to hit off with a chime. However, there he was.

Pairing(s): Romantic Logicality, Romantic Prinxiety. And the rest is purely platonic LAMP/CALM! ♡

Trigger Warning(s): Mentions of Food. That's probably it?

Word Count: 3338 words

Note: Aaaaaannd, tada, @paradoxicalpatton!! I'm your Secret Santa- Biggest surprises? Anyway, I tried my hardest to fluff this as much as possible! Hence, why it took me so long- My deepest apologies for that. Buuut! Onward to the fic, dearests! Shall we?

----

Excitement had begun to wildly blossom in Morality's chest.

Patton heard the soft carols of the children on Thomas' door - And, though their volume was unfortunately loud, he'd toned it down - the strong scent of eggnog tickling his nose at the occurring party at his host's house, giggles escaping his parted lips at the warm gut feeling that sat heavily in his chest. The drumming sensation of the music's beat gently tapped against Patton's flushed skin, as his adorable smile quipped it's way into the moral side's lips, an upbeat squeal hiccuping it's way into the air.

His eyes sparkled with glee, dark blue gift-wrapping paper sprawled out on his desk, while a small box sat in the middle of it; The object was Logan's gift. The last present he has to wrap up for the day - He already got the rest of the presents down, as the time he had cracked awake was fairly early. Though it didn't matter that much. Patton promised to himself he would finish wrapping the presents right then and there, and Logan's gift was all that was left to wrap up, then he was good to go.

Patton's hands got to work before he knew it, his movements precisely done under the lampshade that emitted off the light for the entire room. A pattern no longer foreign to him played by the tips of his fingers, meticulously done as he felt the light above him, and though it provided him warmth, the cold, eerie stare it gave off. The chill advanced as the temperature begun to sink low, and Patton's first instinct was to snap his head up, soft, crimson eyes soon landing on his window sill, a gasp trailing soon after at the pleasant sight that graced his line of vision.

Patton adjusted his glasses a few times to get a good grip on his eyesight; Snowflakes began to flutter from outside, the sky a beautiful hue of orange, fading into a light shade of blue. The grass was replaced with snow, the patches soft just from sight. Patton imagined him and the others making snow angels, laughs and giant grins being passed around as they patted the snow for their snowmen, talking about what they got for the last window from their Advent Calendars.

Wait, Patton's Advent Calendar.

A gasp parted from his lips, letting the paper fall from his hands as he stumbled towards a tiny house in the corner of the room. He fell down onto his knees, head lightly leaning in front of the house; It held a single gift. The final window he has to receive.

Patton's hand reached for the gift, gently squeezing it through the space it was in, before it nearly popped out. A goofish smile danced from the crinkles of his cheeks, placing it against his chest, his nimble fingers setting from under the gift, his thumbs gently pressing against the tiny present; The material felt hard within his grasp. He raised his brow in suspicion, tossing it into his dominant palm. His fingers softly untied the ribbon, the red paper falling to the floor as the thread broke free. Patton's eyes flew wide, marvelling at the handiwork that now sat heavily in his palm.

A small reindeer figurine was what he got. The weight was strangely heavy. Special, but odd. Their back hung several strings of golden threads, leaving him with the assumption of necklaces - Though there were two different, and very familiar ones. Two streaks of blue framed across their neck, the one from atop holding a golden plate with the words 'Pawton.' an awe-stricken gasp rolling off his lips. The one from below read "SD." A straight-out copy from Scooby Doo. The goofish grin he had from before plastered back into his lips, eyes trailing down as he absorbed all of the information for his newly received friend. The hooves faded into a light blue, a touch of brown settling as the base color for the reindeer. The nose had a little boop of red, a tiny blush coating it's cheeks. Their antlers were beautifully twisted, and seen as it took a heck ton of effort, he mentally thanked the person who had taken the time to wrap the gift. Patton's gaze glistened with profound joy, grin widening, if that was even possible, sparks in his chest beginning to strike as a giggle managed it's way into the winter air. He had to thank Roman later, as he had assumed the boy was the one who made it for him.

Patton skipped over to his vanity, gently placing the figurine on the side of the desk, along with other figurines he had collected, the reindeer seemed to fit in perfectly with the weird bunch. His eyes flickered towards his mirror, a flash of light blue immediately gracing his vision. His grin intensified, giving off a chuckle, as the mirror repeated the action. He currently wore the Morality sweater from Thomas' merch, and as much as he loved the design, it didn't quite fit his aesthetic. Though, it didn't stop him from wearing the outfit; The center of the sweater held Patton's logo, a dark shade of blue covering for the most part, while purple sat from his shoulders to his neck. Snowflakes and Christmas trees danced directly below Patton's logo, connecting from the front to his back. The smile that Patton gave off to the mirror held warmth, as his legs ventured away.

He swung open the door, smile widening at the early time he had woken up on. A yawn escaped his lips, arms reaching up to stretch behind his back, a pleased sigh following soon after when the familiar pop! welcomed his sense of hearing. This day was going to turn out great, Patton would make sure of it. The thought of snowball fights and ice-skating plastered into his mind, light banter being openly passed around while all of them ate their Holiday dinner. No drama; The goal for today.

Although, it was an impossible wish. He had to try.

Patton bounced off onto the stairs, his feet lightly patting the floor as his smile radiated off the hallway. His feet cushioned into the bottom floor, his nose immediately hit with the smell of cocoa. He sighed in content, his crimson gaze landing on the back of dark-ish blue. Patton simply didn't think his grin couldn't get any bigger.

"Logan!"

The intellectual side nearly sprung up at the sudden mention of his name, a tiny blush slightly coating his cheeks from how timid the action was. Patton beamed at the choice of clothing he currently wore with stride - The logic sweater that Thomas decided to sell from his merchandise. A cool blue, tie covered with Logan's logo on the center, grey and blue zigzags hovering right above specs of the mid-dark shade of blue from below. His sleeves adorned with reindeers and snowflakes, trailing along his arms to his neutral-blue cuffs. His palm currently occupied a cup of hot chocolate, tiny marshmallows, also in the shape of cups of hot chocolate, delicately floating above the Christmas delicacy. Nonetheless, the nerd looked ridiculously amazing. And, although the style didn't quite fit Logan's aesthetic, Patton found it endearing on the change of clothing for the current celebration of the Holiday.

"Ah. Hello, Patton." Logan greeted with a nod, to which, Patton responded with an excited squeal.

"Woke up early, Lo?" Patton felt his feet lurch forward, his hand flexing towards the cupboard, but he didn't find his cup. An eyebrow quirked up, head spinning to Logan's direction to ask him - Only for him to find Logan's hand outstretched, the scent of cocoa filling his senses, as his cup was sitting calmly in his grasp. All safe, and filled to the brim with hot chocolate.

"I suppose I had."

Patton's lip reached up into a slight smile, softly grabbing the cup from him as a quiet 'thank you' rolled off his mouth, placing the cup against his lips, taking a gentle sip - Gosh, was the beverage so delicious from just a quick swig. He pleasantly hummed, locking eyes with Logan when he lowered the cup just a bit, failing to notice the pinkish shade that delicately dusted the nerd's cheeks.

"Woah, when did you learn to make hot chocolate, Lo?" He glanced back into the mix of a delicate white and brown twisting together, "It tastes amazing!"

Logan paused for a moment, blinking profusely. A light cough played from his mouth, his blush intensifying as he wracked up a response. "I believe a cooking book may have been involved." He sputtered out, stretching out his hand before reaching behind to rub the nape of his neck.

It was Patton's turn to blink profusely, a giggle sprouting from his lips. Logan nearly started disfunctioning when a pat came into his shoulder.

"Don't be nervous, Lo. It's okay." Patton removed his hand, Logan's eyes flying wide as Patton's grin widened, "But do explain how you did it. My love for cooking cannot be espresso!"

Logan discarded his fascination and sighed.

----

A bundle of purple popped out from atop the living room couch, a pair of eyes soon sprouting out after, frantically searching across the room before landing on a pair. "There!" They whisper-yelled, popping out from the couch to reveal a fairly tanned man. A groan erupted from beneath him, popping out from beside the boy before they muttered.

"Is this necessary, Virgil? This is the second beauty nap you decided to disturb!"

Virgil glazed down at the man before him, rolling his eyes before leaning down to kiss him on the tip of his nose. "You'll get your sleep later, Sleeping Beauty. But right now, we've got mom and dad in a bit of a romantic tangle." He gestured towards Patton and Logan, who were both busy being a blushing mess.

"Them?"

Virgil nodded.

Roman gave in with a sigh, "Fine." He blowed off the hair that currently framed his face, "What do you think we should do?"

"Dunno. You're the one who's the embodiment of creativity here." He crossed his arms. "You think you can think of something?"

The tip of Roman's lip teased with a light smirk.

"Definitely."

Roman hopped up from the chair they were in, giving Virgil a soft peck on his lip, before skipping towards the couple, hiding behind the wall, a proudful huff smoking into the air.

----

"And that's why I love dogs a latte!"

Logan sighed from exasperation, fingers itching forward to grab his cup. Patton's giggle emitted off joy, Roman popping up from above his hiding spot, a mischievous smile plastered across his perfectly tanned face. His fingers twisted, a tiny little speck of light appearing, before it travelled through his pointer, over to the pair. He lunged his finger back into place, slipping back into his position, biting back a chuckle as his ears openly listened throughout the rest of the conversation.

Logan's grasp tightened around his cup - Huh, weird. It felt more lighter than before? - before it reached against his lip, expecting to feel the beverage slither across his tongue, as he sighed once more in content, the retorts he would normally generate melting from the welcoming warmth of the hot chocolate.

Except, nothing happened.

Patton's gasp was the first thing he heard, his right eye opening as he gazed down on the moral side. Patton simply gestured to his cup, his blush becoming more visible -

- Oh. It wasn't his cup.

"A mistletoe?"

The realization left Logan breathless. The heat from before crawled up from his toes to his cheeks, a deep shade of scarlet brushing all over his face. It appeared to him that Patton felt the same - The mistletoe dangled from Logan's hold, Patton directly in front of him, his eyes twinkling with wonder and mild confusion. Logan swallowed a lump in his throat; Out of all the things that this scenario could be executed, it had to be now? Early in the morning, while nothing even happened yet?

"I- It's okay if- If you don't want to kiss m- Wait, I mean-" Patton frantically tried to collect his words, apologies rolling of his mouth. The words stunned Logan, shaking his head in dismissal, placing the mistletoe back down the counter to place a finger beneath Patton's chin.

"No, I- I don't mind this at all, Patton."

Patton's blush grew deeper, appearing to be in a constant battle between smiling, or running off. Logan answered his question by simply tilting his head forward, giving him the choice to slip away if he wanted. However, Patton didn't. He hesitantly cupped Logan's cheek, his crimson filled gaze trailing down onto his lips. He puffed his cheeks out in determination, plucking his lips while he contemplated on whether or not he should actually do this.

Logan's growing discomfort was what pushed Patton to lurch forward, his lips delicately shoved against Logan's, the nerd nearly losing himself right then and there. Logan's legs wobbled, his arms instinctively wrapping around Patton's waist, a joyful sigh emitting from the man below him, Logan feeling the foreign, but comfortable weight of Patton's arms wrapping around his neck. Patton's hand carded through Logan's hair, his arms pulling Patton closer to deepen the kiss.

The kiss wasn't anything like they had imagined - Logan's lips felt luscious against Patton's, the scent of shivelled pencils and shredded paper filling Patton's senses to the brim; The favorful, earthy smell of nostalgia. Patton's scent of fresh olives and smooth lavender soothed Logan to the core of his spine, his soft, tasteful lips of sharp roses made Logan physically relax; Patton's scent was the warm, harmonious smell of a refreshing orchard on a hot summer day.

A whistle caused them to yank away from each other, both of their cheeks dusted a deep shade of red. Their gazes landed on Virgil, whose smirk so bright the sun could dim in shame, Logan's cup in between his crossed arms. Roman slapped a hand over his mouth long ago to stifle his laughter, his other hand currently averted upward, a phone in the place of his palm - Ah, so the Prince decided to record the whole ordeal. How original.

Logan's eyes rolled off to the side, his legs pushing off to Virgil, yanking off the empty cup from him. "Thank you. I'll gladly retrieve that." He commented, although it didn't necessarily hold any venom, a tiny smile played from the corners of his lips. Virgil's chuckle wasn't hard to catch, sending a mischievous wink towards Logan, his smirk never leaving.

"Glad you finally did it with dad, L."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I am not your mother."

"Didn't say you were."

Logan rolled his eyes once more, his head slightly leaning from behind to catch a glimpse of the other two. Roman's laughter failed to cease, Patton's face fully red as he huffed out an annoyed breath.

"Roman! Please delete that!"

"Sorry, Padre. But I won't let neither of you live this down."

"Hnnngh!" Patton stuck his bottom lip out, pouting as he crossed his arms, kicking the carpet. If the brunet wasn't red, he would surely be right now. Roman would've screamed at how adorable he was, but laughing currently got him distracted. Logan's light blush came back from before, nearly gushing at his puckered cheeks Patton gave.

"I don't blame you, Lo. Patton's cute." Virgil's voice called out from behind him.

Logan craned his neck, facing the other, as he cocked a brow, "Are you indicating something here?"

"No. But let's face it, anyone would date him."

Logan's brow raised, his blush fading, "Even you?"

"Even me." Virgil added, fluttering his eyelashes shut, insestifying his smirk. He risked opening an eye when he got no reply, only to see Logan giving him a cold look of warning. Virgil sprung to his feet, all bravado washing off of him as he quickly covered up an excuse, "Oh, no don't be jealous- It'll be entirely platonic, I'm just sayin'. I'm not going to take Patton. I promise."

Logan gave in with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You are... vexatious, Virgil."

"Thanks, Lo. I try," Virgil's smile was fond, leaning back against the wall as relief passed over him like a warm blanket. Logan responded with another roll of his eyes, nodding as he took his leave, his legs walking off to the other two, adjusting his tie before he cleared his throat.

"Alright." The two were completely unaware of him, both of them freezing, before sharing a gaze and glancing at him, both of their lips breaking into an awkward smile, "I think it is about time we start our festivities for today's holiday."

"Wow, teach. You're treating this like this is some professional event." Roman commented, fanning away his invite like a fly, "Though, you are correct. It's Merry Bitchmas, guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Why not start this day with gingerbread houses?" Roman boasted, Patton looking like he was about to scold his profanity, before he quickly bit back the scold.

"I was thinking we should hang the star for the Christmas tree-" Patton shot Logan a look, the words instantly burning on his tongue, a swallow finishing the suggestion. "Fine." He conceded, sagging his shoulders forward, before a sigh escaped from his parted lips. Well, there goes his perfectly stacked plan.

"Great! Onwards now, boys-"

"Wait, I'll contradict," Logan interrupted Roman, running a hand through his face, "Are everyone's presents ready? We're starting our gift exhange on noon- If that is alright?" He turned to glance at Virgil, a nod sent at his way, his smirk visibly plastered back on his face. Logan's gaze moved to land on Roman, who looked slightly perturbed at the sudden interruption, but nonetheless he nodded as well. He then turned to Patton, his gaze softening.

"What about you, Patton?"

Patton's beam lit up the place, his enthusiastic nod causing a smile to creep up Logan's lips. Roman chuckled a little, before he boasted once more.

"Magnificent! Looks like we're all set. Now can we-"

"Oh- Sorry Roman, but I forgot about the presents!" Roman was interrupted again, Patton's lunge of his feet fighting off the uncomfortable silence as his feet skidded across the floor, hastily running up the stairs. The room fell silent, thunder-like pats creeking from upstairs, before a loud bang defeaned the room.

No sound left any of the men's mouth. A few moments pass, before an offended noise sounded from Roman's lungs, followed by a snicker from Virgil, then laughter insinuated between the three - Even Logan joined in. The room lit up like a thousand fireflies, the laughter full of pure joy, Christmas cheer can be ceased in shame. Their smiles were wide, genuine, that even the sun cannot defeat. Patton came down to check what the ruckus was about, but only saw the three in a huddle on the floor, giggles and chuckles rolling off their mouths. A smile tipped into the corner of Patton's lips, his gaze softening as he slipped out a chuckle of his own as well.

Hmm... Yeah, maybe the Holiday would be great after all.

And Patton couldn't be more happier for his family, his sigh of pure mirth, rolling out into the thick, joyful Christmas air.

----

Oh my goodness, this took four days to finish-

*coUGH* Aaaaaaaahh!!!! Here it is!!! I hope you enjoyed it, darlings- Hnnnn, I'm so nervous on posting this- Buuuut, yeee!!!

@secretsanders ♡ [Oh! And also tagging the wonderful, @ask-patton-sanders-and-friends since they wanted to! I deeply appreciate them for the validation, and motivation they gave me! Love ya so much, dear. ♡♡♡ ]

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cofe-doodles · 2 years

Text

Sanders: The Musical❤️💛💚💙

"Honey what you waitin' for?"

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i-am-bitterly-jittery · 3 years

Note

Sleepy Patton being taken care of by (any Side of your choice)

Go To Bed. Make Me

Word Count: 540

Rating: gen

Pairing: Platonic LAMP but I won’t stop you from reading it as romantic or pre-romantic if you want

~~~START~~~

“Patton.”

“Hmm?” Patton’s eyes blinked open slowly. The common room was dark, lit only by the television, still playing The Office. The figure before him was difficult to make out in the lighting, and Patton was too tired to try to figure out who it was. He let his eyes slip closed again.

“Patton,” the figure said again, shaking him until he blearily opened his eyes once more. “Patton, you would be much more comfortable sleeping in your own room.”

“Mm.”

“Staying up watching television until 3 a.m. is unhealthy,” the figure continued talking. Somewhere in Patton’s sleep-addled mind, supplied the figure’s identity as most likely being Logan.

“So’s waking up at 3 a.m.,” Patton pointed out, fighting a yawn. “Unl’ss ‘course, you’vn’t been ‘sleep yet.”

Logan glared, but Patton just continued to smile sweetly at him.

“My sleeping habits are entirely irrelevant right,” Logan sputtered indignantly.

“Mhm,” Patton hummed. He grabbed Logan’s hand (completely missing it on his first try) and tugged a little. “Come sit with me.”

“Really I don’t think I-” Logan tried to protest, even as he allowed Patton to move him.

“Shh.” Once Logan was seated on the couch, Patton rested his head against his shoulder, allowing his eyes to slip closed one final time, trapping the logical Side forever and ever.

Logan sighed, but to Patton’s delight, he merely removed Patton glasses — and presumably his own — and shimmied slightly into a more comfortable position.

“You’re having a sleepover without me!” Roman whisper-yelled, suddenly appeared at the foot of the stairs, scandalized.

Without opening his eyes, Patton lifted his arm and made grabby hands at the prince, who gladly took the cue. Roman sat down on Logan’s other side.

“I can’t believe you two would have an Office marathon sleepover without inviting me!” Roman pouted, even as he draped himself across Logan’s lap so that his head was pillowed in Patton’s.

Patton hummed again, but within seconds, his breathing had evened out into sleep.

“It was not a planned occasion,” Logan informed him quietly.

Roman hummed, satisfied that he had not been left out on purpose, and minutes later, fell asleep himself, leaving Logan to follow soon after.

Patton awoke again sometime later (but not later enough to be truly morning yet) to someone draping a blanket over his shoulders. It was still dark, but now, without his glasses, he couldn’t make out anything more than a blur of light from the TV.

“Go back to sleep, Pat,” someone urged gently.

“V’rge?” Patton mumbled, reaching out and managing to grab the sleeve of Virgil’s hoodie with his fingers. “Cuddles.”

Virgil chuckled and gently pried his sleeve free.

“Just give me a sec,” he whispered. “I need to get Princey a blanket too.”

“Mm,” Patton acknowledged, settling back against Logan. It was hard, but he forced himself to stay at least a little bit awake until a warm weight settled against his other side, then, content that Virgil had joined them for cuddles, he slipped back into unconsciousness.

Virgil had initially left his room to get himself a glass of milk or something after a particularly upsetting nightmare, but this was much better, and he found himself drifting off into a comfortable, dreamless sleep minutes later.

~~~END~~~

Originally, Logan was gonna get Patton to go to bed, but Patton’s desire to cuddle was too strong

General taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @knight-shives

#thursday 500 requests #lamp/calm #platonic lamp #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #ts sanders sides #my writing #thursday writes #sanders sides fanfiction

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eliemo · 4 years

Text

The Incident- Part 2

Summary: Sometimes, it’s dangerously easy to spiral...but Virgil’s family isn’t going anywhere.

TW: Blood and injury treatment (nothing too graphic but stay safe), panic attacks, mentions of flashbacks, past abuse

Masterpost

Taglist: @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @mygenderisidiot @a-very-gay-raccoon @dawnfire7 @cr4zyart @ray-does-stuff @whydoifeeltheneedtoorganizestuff @bunny222 (If i missed someone or u wanna be added just let me know!)

Roman didn’t get back until after dinner, the sun setting with brilliant orange light in the windows, still far too hopped up on adrenaline and brimming with new ideas to even think about eating yet.

He was sprawled out on the couch with his feet in Logan's lap, despite the logical side’s halfhearted protests, lamenting about his recent adventures and the inspiration they’d brought for the newest script.

Logan was pretending not to be listening, but Roman caught sight of an almost invisible smile, pride blossoming in his chest as he continued.

Virgil hadn’t come down in a few hours at least, apparently locking himself in his room due to a stomach ache earlier in the afternoon, and Patton’s worry had finally taken over, the moral side heading into the kitchen to heat up a plate of leftovers to take upstairs.

“Make sure to get him some water, too,” Logan called after him, momentarily silencing Roman’s tale. “He needs to stay hydrated.”

For a few moments, nothing changed, Roman falling back into his story, Logan’s attention switching from the creative side to the open book in his lap, the prince’s voice easily drowning out the hum of the microwave in the next room.

“Logan?” Patton called suddenly. “Did you...you didn’t break a cup or something today, did you?”

Logan froze, looking up from his book to meet Roman’s suddenly worried gaze, the living room plunged into an uneasy silence.

“No,” he answered carefully, slowly pushing Roman’s legs off of him. “Why?”

A beat of silence, followed by a bit of shuffling. “There’s a lot of glass in the trash...and I don’t--”

Roman was already off the couch before Patton yelped, the creative side racing into the kitchen and nearly crashing right into Patton, who’d been rushing for the living room.

“There’s blood,” he said, before anyone could ask any questions. “There- there’s blood...a lot of blood on the glass in- in the trash can I...Virgil, I- I didn’t realize he was--”

“Try to remain calm,” Logan said, already making his way towards the stairs. Patton grabbed Roman’s hand, the two following close behind. “We don’t know what happened yet.”

They made it to Virgil’s room, the door closed and the room seemingly quiet, and Roman stepped back to allow Patton to knock, well aware his own presence could possibly be overwhelming.

“Virgil?” Patton called, unable to keep the slight nervous tremble out of his voice. “Can we come in, kiddo?”

There was no reply, no sound from the other side of the door, and Roman didn’t miss the way Logan’s frown deepened at the lack of a response.

“We aren’t mad, baby,” Patton added, hand hovering over the doorknob. “We just wanna make sure you’re not hurt.”

After a moment of silence and an encouraging nod from Logan, Patton pushed open the thankfully unlocked door, (Roman had been more than ready to kick it down if he had to) freezing in his tracks as soon as he stepped inside.

Peering over the moral side’s shoulder, Roman could see why.

Virgil’s room was empty, bed still made and lights off, everything almost eerily still and silent. The bathroom was just as empty, the lights off and the door left ajar.

Patton whirled around, eyes wide and already filling with terrified tears. “Logan--”

“Both of you remain calm,” Logan instructed, like he wasn’t obviously seconds away from losing it himself. “Patton, come with me downstairs.”

“But he--”

“I need to get the first-aid kit,” he said. “Roman, will you keep looking up here? If we can’t find him, we’ll go to Thomas.”

It was fine. It was probably fine. Virgil’s room was likely just amplifying their stress, and making them all freak out for no reason. They’d find him, and he’d pretend to be annoyed at all the attention and worry, but Roman wouldn’t be able to help pointing out the anxious side’s rising blush.

That was how it always was.

Roman double checked Virgil’s room as the others made their way back downstairs, just to be safe, frantically checking under the bed and behind the shower curtain, all too aware of Virgil's habit of finding strange places to nap or zone out to music.

But the room was vacant, abandoned, and Roman couldn’t escape out into the hall fast enough, carefully shutting the door behind him.

Unwittingly, his mind traveled back to the last time they couldn’t find Virgil. When he’d tried to disappear, duck out for good, all because Roman never bothered to offer him a shred of kindness, none of them caring enough to see just how badly he was hurting--

He almost didn’t hear it, so caught up in his own thoughts and panic, but the tiny, choking sound from the closet at the end of the hall snapped him out of his own head.

“Virgil?” Roman called, heart sinking when there wasn’t a reply. “You over there, Hot Topic?”

His only answer was faint, labored breathing, barely audible, and Roman quickened his pace, taking a shaky breath before pulling open the closet door.

The first thing he saw was Virgil, huddled up in his usual patchwork hoodie, pressed tight into the closet’s limited space.

The initial relief at finding the other side safe quickly vanished when Roman took a step closer, dread clawing at his throat as he took in the sight.

Virgil had curled up into a tight ball, visibly trembling, eyes only half open and staring ahead at nothing, his gaze distant and glassy. His hands were pressed over his ears, and running down his arms…

Oh, god. That...that was a lot of blood.

“Virgil! Virgil, can you hear me?”

If Roman was a bit more put together at the moment, he would have moved slower or gone to get Patton or Logan to coax the anxious side out of his hiding place.

But all he could see was the blood- the fact that Virgil was hurt and Roman needed to help. He couldn’t afford to wait.

Carefully, he dropped to one knee and reached forward, placing a gentle hand on Virgil’s leg.

The reaction was immediate, Virgil jolting under the touch pressing back even further against the wall, bloody and cut up hands held up like he was trying to protect himself.

His eyes met Roman’s, growing wide in genuine terror, and the prince felt his heart break at the sight.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil was saying before Roman even had a chance to open his mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please, I’m sorry--”

“It’s alright,” Roman tried, doubting Virgil even heard. “But you’re bleeding, Virge. We gotta take care of that, ok? Logan can’t patch you up until you come out.”

Virgil shook his head, frantic. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to break it, it- it was an accident I swear, I tried to- tried to clean it up, I thought--”

Roman swore under his breath, glancing at the still empty hallway behind him. He knew he shouldn’t ever rush an attack like this, well aware Virgil was terrified and unable to think clearly but…

But aside from the bloody gashes across his palms and fingers, Roman could see a few smaller pieces of glass still wedged in the broken skin. He’d had those wounds for a few hours now at least. They didn’t have time.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut for just a moment. “You’ll be alright.”

And then, without giving Virgil a chance to process the movement, Roman cupped one hand under Virgil’s legs, the other around his back, and lifted him off the floor, holding him to his chest.

He wasn’t sure what he’d thought would happen, but he certainly hadn’t expected Virgil to scream and flail like Roman had come at him with a weapon.

“Please don’t please,” he was begging, breaths quickly dissolving into frantic wheezes. “I’m sorry I hid I...I- I didn’t mean to lie I just thought...I thought…”

They were both talking in circles, desperately apologizing over each other, Roman holding him tighter as he made his way down the hall, Virgil fighting blindly to break from Roman’s hold.

“Virgil!”

Patton was bounding up the stairs first, hand over his mouth and tears in his eyes when he made it to the top step, Logan hot on his heels.

“Roman, what are you--”

“He’s bleeding, Logan!” Virgil was burying his head in Roman’s chest, even as he fought to escape, refusing to even glance at the others. “I didn’t...I don’t know what to--”

“Bring him into the bathroom,” Logan said, pushing past Patton, first-aid kit in his hand. “Hurry.”

Roman followed, flashing what he hoped was a reassuring smile to Patton, who was trying to comfort Virgil with words that clearly weren’t getting through.

“Sit him on the counter,” Logan instructed, turning on the sink and setting the metal box down on the closed toilet seat. “Try to keep him calm.”

That was easier said than done. As soon as Virgil lifted his head from Roman’s chest his fighting increased tenfold, thrashing and crying and begging as Roman and Patton struggled to keep him still.

What did he think they were trying to do to him?

“Roman,” Logan said, running a clean towel under the faucet. “I need you to get behind him and hold him still. Patton, keep him from kicking please.”

Patton blinked, frozen in the doorway. “I- I can’t--”

“Patton, please.” Roman had maneuvered himself until he was standing behind the anxious side, arms wrapped around his chest and shoulders as Logan carefully reached for his bloody hands. “Try and get him to focus. Tell him he’s safe.”

The request was enough to snap Patton out of his own panic, the moral side wiping away his gathering tears and rushing towards the others. He held down Virgil’s legs with one hand, cupping his jaw in the other while Logan carefully but firmly took a hold of his wrists.

“Hey, honey,” Patton whispered, voice breaking when Virgil only choked back a terrified sob. “Just focus on me, alright? Look at me, sweetie. It’s Patton. It’s Dad. I’m right here.”

For a second Virgil’s breathing slowed, just a fraction. And then he flinched so hard Roman nearly lost his grip. Glancing over at the sink, he winced when he saw Logan carefully taking a pair of tweezers to the pieces of glass still stuck in Virgil’s skin.

“I’m so sorry, Virgil,” he muttered, barely audible over Virgil’s breathing picking up again. “It will be over soon.”

Thankfully, there wasn’t too much leftover glass in his skin, Logan soon setting aside the tweezers and guiding Virgil’s hands under the water. But still, Roman couldn’t imagine how badly that hurt, or what Virgil thought was happening in his panicked state.

“I need to clean the cuts to keep them from getting infected,” Logan said after a minute, rummaging through the first-aid kit. “Hold him very still, please.”

There was barely a warning, just a slight nod from Logan a few seconds later before he was pressing something against the skin and Virgil jumped, frantically trying to break away, crying out against the pain.

There was a sob that might have been from him or Patton, but there was no way for Roman to know for sure. Not when he was so focused on not letting Virgil go, not until he wasn’t a danger to himself.

“Please,” Virgil choked out, breathing still too quick and unsteady even as Patton counted out breathing exercises. “Pl- please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry--”

“Focus on my voice, honey.”

“I- I’m sorry for hiding, I’m sorry, it...I- I won’t do it again, I promise, I’m sorry just stop , please please, I’m sorry…”

And Roman felt his heart shatter.

Virgil thought this was a punishment. He thought they were hurting him on purpose.

“Logan--”

“I know, Roman,” Logan snapped, a distinct wavering to his voice. “I’m almost finished.”

Logan kept working, cleaning and wiping the blood away with quick but careful movement, growing visibly more tense with each one of Virgil’s pleads.

“You’re ok, honey,” Patton kept saying. “You’re ok. I’m right here, you’ll be ok soon. We’re all here. We’re gonna help you.”

Roman couldn’t seem to find his voice, just held on tight and rested his forehead against Virgil’s trembling shoulder, listening to his racing heart and ragged breathing, hoping the contact would do something to ground him.

It felt like hours- hours of Virgil begging his family not to hurt him, Roman helpless to do anything but watch- before Logan finally finished, wrapping his hands in bandages.

“All done,” Roman said softly. He loosened his hold when Virgil, still trembling, went almost limp in his grasp. “You’re ok, Virge. You did so well, I’m so so sorry.”

Virgil didn’t respond, eyes still wide and terrified, letting out a noise that sounded like a desperate whimper.

Patton took a careful step back, letting his hands fall to his side. “Let’s get you to bed, alright kiddo?”

Virgil still didn’t speak, his apologies having fallen silent since Logan stopped treating his wounds, the anxious side only squeezing his eyes shut and hunching his shoulders, like he was waiting for more pain.

Roman took the hint and gently gathered Virgil into his arms again, blinking away tears when he flinched at the movement.

They took Virgil back to his room, Logan bringing sleeping pills and a glass of water from the medicine cabinet.

It took a few moments to convince Virgil to take them, the anxious side frantically scrambling to get as far away from the others as he could as soon as he was set down on his bed.

But eventually, (mostly because Virgil seemed terrified of what would happen if he didn’t comply) they got him tucked under the blankets, still teary and shivering, refusing to open his eyes.

He wouldn’t let them go anywhere near him, Patton having to step out of the room when he realized Virgil’s breathing only quickened the closer they got to the bed.

It took some time, Logan doing what he could to keep Virgil’s breathing under control, Roman and Patton hovering in the doorway, but the anxious side’s eyes eventually slipped closed, succumbing to his exhaustion.

“I should have checked on him,” Patton said when they were back in the living room, squeezing Roman’s hand so tight he thought it might bruise. “He said- he...I should have known to--”

“It’s not your fault, Pat,” Roman said. “You were just giving him some space. And he’ll be fine when he wakes up, right Logan?”

He didn’t answer, the logical side lowering himself onto the armchair and reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

It wasn’t until his breath caught in his throat, Logan’s hand suddenly pressed against his mouth to muffle any sound, that Roman realized something was wrong.

Patton was up off the couch in an instant, Roman close behind, but Logan quickly shook his head, moving away from outstretched hands.

He took a few heavy breaths, slowly moving his hand away from his mouth, gaze locked on the floor. Roman could see how red and watery his eyes were, even as he blinked rapidly to get rid of the gathering tears.

“Apologies,” Logan said, and Roman’s breath caught at how broken he was trying not to sound. “Please...please disregard…”

“Honey, no.” Patton kneeled in front of the chair, a steadying hand on Logan’s knee, and Roman moved to clutch at his shoulder. “Don’t keep it in. You’re allowed to be upset.”

Logan shook his head again, looking anywhere but Patton. “I am...I am logic. I am not supposed to--”

“Will you cut the bullshit, Specs?”

Patton gasped. “Roman!”

Roman didn’t bother correcting his language. He squeezed Logan’s shoulder, knowing it helped to calm Virgil down and only able to hope it did the same for the logical side.

“You’re allowed to feel,” he said. “You can feel whatever you want whenever you want. You don’t need to pretend like you don’t.”

Logan shook his head once again, even as a few stray tears escaped and Roman wiped them away with his thumb. “It’s...it isn’t logical for me to be--”

“Emotions don’t have to make sense,” Patton said gently. “And no one’s going to think of you any differently for feeling.”

“You were trying to help Virgil,” Roman added. “You were trying to save him, and he thought you were hurting him. I’d say it’s fairly logical to be upset after that.”

And that was apparently enough to break the dam, a choked sob escaping from Logan, and this time he didn’t try to fight against it.

Roman rubbed his back as he tipped forward, forehead resting against Patton’s chest, the moral side crying along with him as he cupped the back of Logan’s neck.

“It’s ok,” he muttered. “We’ll be ok. It’ll be better in the morning.”

Logan curled further into Patton, clutching at his blue shirt. “I hurt him, I...I had to hurt him.”

“You were helping him,” Roman corrected, shifting positions to wrap his arms around both Logan and Patton. The angle was a bit awkward, but they seemed to relax slightly. “If you waited any longer, it just would have been worse. He’ll understand that when he calms down.”

“What if he doesn't?”

Roman wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to being the one to calm Logan down, to talk him through a problem. As relieved as he was that Logan wasn’t forcing himself to stay put together...he wasn’t entirely sure what to do.

“Then we’ll figure it out,” Patton jumped in, glancing up to smile through his tears. “Because we love him. And that’s never gonna change.”

They were silent after that and Roman forced himself to relax under Patton’s optimism, as forced as it clearly was. There was no way to tell what Virgil would think when he woke up.

Not for the first time, Roman thought about grabbing his sword and hunting down each and every person who had ever dared to lay a hand on Virgil with malicious intent, every person who had ever let him feel worthless and unwanted.

But then again, if he were to go that far he’d have to turn his own blade on himself.

Things were different now, though. And while he and Virgil hadn’t always gotten along in the past, Roman had never once considered hurting him. No one deserved the treatment Virgil had been given.

He didn’t understand. He couldn’t comprehend how anyone could see Virgil- sweet, scared, and caring Virgil , and decide they wanted to hurt him. Break him down until he was terrified of making the smallest mistake, convinced no one could ever accept him.

“He didn’t deserve it,” Roman said suddenly, not really meaning to speak out loud. “What they did to him. Virgil didn’t deserve that.”

“Of course he didn’t,” Patton said, with so much raw pain and hurt that Roman was once again forcibly reminded that Patton wasn’t just at the core of happy emotions. “But he’s safe now. Sometimes he’s just...gonna have to be reminded of that.”

And they would remind him. Over and over again if they had to. Like Patton said, they would figure it out.

When Virgil woke up, it was to a foggy head and a throbbing, itching sensation in his hands.

He finally blinked open his eyes when, after trying to scratch at his palms, he found only tightly woven bandages and a new spark of white hot pain up his arm.

Slowly, careful not to put any weight on his hands, he sat up in bed and leaned up against the headboard, suddenly weak and shaky as the whole room momentarily started to spin. He shut his eyes, walking himself through his breathing as he let the memories from yesterday wash over him.

Right. The broken glass, the panic attack, trying to hide and then…

Oh shit. God, what had he done? He couldn’t quite focus, couldn’t really remember where his thoughts had been through the whole ordeal, but it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together as they all came flooding back.

He couldn’t even imagine how much he’d upset them. God, they were probably terrified. They’d just wanted to help and all he’d done was panic and fought, completely losing control just because of one stupid mistake.

A mistake that would have gotten him days of pain before…

But it wasn’t like that anymore. He should know that by now. The others tried so hard to help and he still couldn’t even control himself.

They’d...they’d never seen him panic like that before. He’d definitely done a number on his hands without even realizing, and he’d been too far gone to differentiate between help and punishment.

They’d thought he was getting better. They often told him how much progress he was making, even if Virgil couldn’t see it himself.

Well, obviously...obviously they wouldn’t think that anymore. Jesus, he’d locked himself in a closet covered in blood for who knew how long.

Honestly, what the hell was the point in keeping him? Why would they want him to stick around if all he did was terrify and hurt the people he loved?

Logan had said Virgil helped them. Roman had once said he made them better. Patton promised they all love him.

He was having a difficult time focusing on any that right now, forcing himself out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom.

Virgil took one look at himself in the mirror and quickly turned away, a dangerous wave of self loathing immediately rising in his chest.

He should probably tell someone about that. Assuming they would still be able to look him in the eyes after last night.

Besides, he looked awful. His hair was horribly disheveled and his makeup was fading and smeared all the way down his face, eyes heavy and bloodshot.

His hoodie was neatly folded on the counter, cleaned of any bloodstains, along with a roll of clean bandages and a bottle of disinfectant.

Good. He wasn’t about to force anyone to take care of him again.

He changed his clothes and washed his face, not in any particular rush to leave his room, each movement making him more and more lightheaded, his hands protesting every little thing he did.

He couldn’t even put on his makeup, the pain too intense and hands too unsteady when he tried to grab the brush, nothing to hide the natural bags under his eyes, nothing to hide how pitiful and scared he looked.

It took a good ten minutes to get his bandages off, biting his lip to keep from crying out as he peeled off the paper, grimacing when he saw the far from healed cuts that littered his fingers and palms.

He’d done that to himself without even realizing it. There’d probably been glass stuck in his hands before someone came along and practically forced him to accept help. And he’d fought back like nothing had changed, like he was being punished, brain running on autopilot.

God, he was pathetic. Maybe he should just stay up here forever, isolate himself like he used to. He’d never have to be afraid of disappointing anyone again, and he doubted the thought had never crossed the other’s minds.

It...it wasn’t a bad idea. He hated it, of course. The thought of losing his family hurt worse than rubbing the disinfectant on his wounds.

He loved them. He loved what he had more than anything. But it wasn’t fair. He wasn’t getting better, that much was clear now. They deserved to be happy. And they couldn’t have that with him hanging around.

But he at least owed them an apology first. He wanted to make sure they knew they hadn’t done anything wrong.

So he wrapped up his hands as best he could with fresh bandages, taking a shaky breath before slipping on his hoodie. Pulling up the hood was the best defense mechanism he had right now, and the familiar warmth of the cloth offered a small amount of comfort.

It was almost eleven in the morning by now, which meant the others already had breakfast hours ago.

Virgil did his best to convince himself that they wanted to let him sleep in, and not that they just didn’t want him around.

It was annoyingly difficult to make it downstairs, his head pounding and vision strangely blurred. He almost wished he could just go back to bed and sleep the rest of the day away.

But he was at the bottom step without even fully realizing he’d kept moving, freezing when he glanced up at the living room.

Patton, Roman, and Logan were seated on the couch, the TV turned on low to what was probably an old Disney movie, the three very obviously paying little attention to the screen. Patton and Roman were restless, Logan staring blankly, lost deep in thought.

They were waiting. Waiting for him . And suddenly Virgil really wanted to go back to his room and sleep for the rest of his life.

But that wasn’t fair to them. Nothing he did seemed to be lately. He stepped off the stairs, still using the railing to keep himself balanced, and cleared his throat.

“Uh, m-morning guys.” He hadn’t meant to stutter, and he winced at how broken and cracked his voice was, vaguely remembering screaming the night before.

Immediately, all eyes in the room were on him and Virgil had to fight the urge not to flee and lock himself in a closet again.

“Morning, Kiddo!” Patton moved like he was going to rush over and hug him, quickly stopping himself as Roman put a hand on his shoulder. Right. No one was going to want to hug him right now. “How’d you sleep?”

Virgil shrugged, staring firmly at the ground and trying not to sway. “Fine. No nightmares this time.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Logan said, standing along with the others. “But you’re likely still exhausted. Why don’t you take a seat?”

Virgil didn’t see a reason to argue, making his way to the empty armchair, knowing there was absolutely no way to hide how unsteady he was on his feet.

“Virgil,” Logan said when he was settled, and Virgil braced himself for the worst. “When was the last time you ate?”

Oh. Right, that would...probably explain his killer headache. “Uh, breakfast. Yesterday.”

Patton made a startled noise, already hurrying towards the kitchen before Virgil could muster up the strength to stop him.

The rest of them were left in heavy silence, Virgil refusing to look up from his lap while he absently picked at his bandages, until Patton returned moments later with a piece of bread with jam, and a cup of iced water.

Ice water in a plastic cup. He tried not to think about the implications of that.

“Thank you,” he muttered, and tried to ignore the fact that everyone was probably staring at him as he shakily picked up the piece of bread.

He was starving, but the anxiety churning in his gut was making him feel like he might throw up, and the last thing he needed to do was make another mess. So he ate his food slowly, sipping idly at the water, wincing at the lingering pain in his throat.

When he finished, he set down the now half empty cut, folded his hands in his lap and waited for the inevitable.

“Alright,” Logan said after a moment, and Virgil tried not to flinch. “I...believe we should talk about what happened last night.”

“Logan,” Roman chided, sounding more scared than upset. “He just woke up.”

“No, it’s fine,” Virgil said. The thought of delaying any longer was somehow even worse, and he didn’t need everyone pretending things were ok when they so clearly weren’t. “We can...we can talk about it now.”

A part of him, the part that had been in complete control yesterday, expected to be yelled at. He’d ruined their night, their lives, and he had the audacity to come down here like he was still welcome.

He pushed that voice away, and risked a glance up when he was met with silence, catching Logan sharing a small frown with Patton and Roman.

The logical side inched closer, taking a breath before speaking again. “How much do you remember?”

“Most of it, I think,” Virgil said. “I know...I know you guys weren’t, uh, trying to hurt me. For breaking that glass. I mean, I didn’t yesterday but...I know that now.”

He hadn’t thought he’d needed to say it, but that was quickly disproven by how quickly the tension in everyone’s shoulders suddenly dropped, a watery smile growing on Patton’s face.

“I must have really freaked out, huh?” Like the loss of his voice wasn’t proof enough, memories of his own screams and his family’s frantic apologies. “I-I’m sorry you guys, I didn’t--”

“You were having a panic attack,” Logan said, calm as ever. “As well as what were likely some very intense flashbacks. There is no need to apologize for that.”

“Right.” He was always told not to apologize, not to blame himself. It didn’t get rid of the suffocating guilt. “I’m still sorry. For scaring you.”

“We were only scared because you were hurt!” Roman exclaimed. “You were practically bleeding out and you didn’t even seem to realize. We’d never seen you that far gone before!”

Virgil flinched, pulling his knees up to his chest, an old familiar defense. He knew Roman didn’t mean it as an accusation, but the guilt kept curling around him, tighter and tighter.

“We just want you to be safe,” Patton said, soft and quiet. “We don’t like seeing you in pain.”

Virgil nodded, not really sure what to say, digging his thumb into the palm of his hand like the sudden flare of agony could be of help. “I know.”

The room fell back into an awkward silence, Virgil warily shifting his gaze between the three of them, then back down at his own feet, wondering if they were waiting for him to say something.

“I think,” Patton spoke up after what felt like an eternity. “We should talk about why this happened.”

Right. Virgil had to tell him that they hadn’t done anything different or wrong, that he was just like this, and it was unpredictable and not worth the effort of trying to fix.

He opened his mouth to say just that, but Logan beat him to it.

“We assumed it was the glasses breaking,” he said. “Are we correct in that assumption?”

Virgil nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment, panic and guilt steadily building up as he half expected to be chided or told off. He’d made so many mistakes since being accepted, something as stupid as breaking a cup shouldn’t send him spiraling like that.

But Logan just gave a small smile in response, apparently pleased with the answer. “Please understand, Virgil, that it is completely reasonable for you to react so strongly.”

Virgil scoffed before he could stop himself, startling when there was suddenly a hand gently rested over his. He refused to look at Logan, clenching his jaw so tight he thought his teeth might break.

“It is,” Patton said from his spot by the couch. “You’d never...broken anything before. The other things you thought you’d be in trouble for were just...silly little things. We get that this might be...a bigger deal to you.”

“It’s…” Virgil paused, swallowing. “It’s still stupid.”

“It was a relapse, Virgil,” Logan corrected gently. “There’s no shame in something like this. Recovery is not linear. It never will be, and that’s quite alright.”

And this...this wasn’ fair. This wasn’t how they were supposed to be reacting. Virgil was horrible. He was terrible and awful and all he did was make everyone stressed and scared and miserable.

He’d screamed and fought when they were trying to help him, panicked over meaningless things too many times to count, and they still...why were they still being so patient with him? Why were they so nice?

Why would they give all this kindness to the person who deserved it the least?

“Perhaps,” Logan continued, when it was clear Virgil wasn’t going to answer. “We should inform you of what we’ve done in an attempt to ensure this doesn’t occur again.”

Virgil’s anxiety skyrocketed at that phrasing, wide eyes going immediately to Roman and Patton, but they just offered reassuring smiles and encouraging nods to Logan.

“The first thing we did was replace all glass cups and dishes with plastic ones,” Logan explained. “However, based on past experience I’ve determined that the sudden noise is also incredibly detrimental to your mental state.”

“I- I guess--”

“It’s only a temporary fix, of course, but we had Roman put a rug in the kitchen underneath the cabinets. It’s aesthetically pleasing- thanks to him, and it should muffle the sound if someone happens to drop something. Hopefully, that will alleviate some stress in the future.”

And Virgil...Virgil kind of wanted to throw up. Because that might be the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him.

He’d fucked up again, showed them that he was unfixable, and they’d responded by remodeling their kitchen.

“Of course it is not a- Virgil? Did I say something wrong?”

Virgil wasn’t sure when he started crying, but suddenly it was all too much, the guilt finally overwhelming. He was so unworthy- undeserving of every kind smile, every gesture, it made him sick.

He shook his head, the only sound he was able to manage being an awful sounding sob that worsened the pain in his throat, but at the moment he didn’t even care.

“What’s wrong?” Roman was asking, clearly distraught (Virgil had upset him again), and suddenly Patton was in front of him, gathering him into his arms.

Virgil knew he should pull away, refuse the comfort and distance himself. But he was selfish, melting into the warm embrace with another shuddering sob, unable to stop himself from holding on.

“Deep breaths, honey,” Patton said, voice barely a whisper. “Can you tell us why you’re upset? Are you just overwhelmed?”

He shook his head, taking a few desperate breaths, struggling to find his words.

“It’s...I...you shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t have to do this. All of this. With- with the kitchen and the cups and the plates--”

Roman stepped closer, hand on the back of the chair. “Is it not going to help?”

“It will,” Virgil said, because it was perfect and they were perfect and that was the problem. “It will but it...it’s too much, and it’s just a hassle for you guys and I should just--”

It was Logan’s turn to cut him off, sounding painfully worried. “You...do you think we care more about the cups we use than your comfort?”

“It’s not about the cups!”

He pulled away from Patton as soon as he realized he’d shouted, shame now mingling with the guilt, and Virgil had to forcibly remind himself to breathe.

“Sorry,” he gasped, shrinking back against the chair. “God, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to...I can’t do anything right and I just--”

“Hey.” Patton cupped his cheek, and Virgil quickly fell silent. “We both know that’s not true. Take a deep breath and tell us what’s wrong, ok?”

Virgil nodded, Logan and Roman watching patiently, Logan’s hand still gently cupping his own, keeping him from digging his nails into the bandages again.

After what he’d put them through last night, he needed to just get everything out in the open. The sooner the better.

“I’m not getting better,” he said, continuing over the expected protests. “I’m not. I know recovery isn’t linear or- or whatever, and you all say I’m making progress but...but last night was bad. And who knows if it’ll happen again, and I don’t...I never wanted to put you guys through something like that.”

“Virge,” Roman said. “It’s not your fault.”

Virgil wasn’t really in the mood to debate that. He couldn’t control it, as much as he tried, but it was still his fault the treatment had ever happened. He’d let himself get hurt, over and over again.

He shrugged, wiping at his eyes. “You guys are...you...you’re great. All of you. Nobody’s ever...done all of this for me. But I can’t do anything for you except...except make everything worse.”

“Virgil--”

“And I get it.” He couldn’t seem to stop now, desperate for it all to be over with. “And I know you all wouldn’t...say anything but, that’s ok. You- you’ve all helped me a lot. And I can...I can go back. I know it’s too much.”

Roman frowned, and Virgil felt him go very still. “Go back?”

“Yeah,” Virgil said. “You know, to...to how things used to be. Me up in my room all the time so you guys don’t have to keep dealing with this.”

Roman’s eyes widened, sharing a look with the others that could only be described as one of horror. “Virge, we’re not gonna ask you to leave!”

“I know!” Because that was the whole point, wasn’t it? They would never ask him to do that, no matter how much better things would be without him. They were too good. “I- I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I’m offering.”

It was the right thing to do. It was. They tried so hard, and they deserved so much better. And Virgil...Virgil was better off alone, anyway.

It would be ok. It shouldn’t hurt this bad.

“I love you guys.” It did. It did hurt this bad. “I don’t want to make things harder for you anymore.” It felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest. But this was for the best, this was--

There was a hand grabbing his chin, not hard enough to hurt, moving his head up until he was face to face with Logan. Logan, whose eyes were red and watery.

He’d made Logan upset. He’d made logic cry.

“Virgil,” he said, never averting his gaze. “You’re an idiot.”

“Logan!” Patton gasped, and suddenly there was another hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “He’s not angry, honey. You didn’t do anything.”

“I’m furious,” Logan said, and Virgil’s heart sank until he continued. “I’m furious at whoever left you feeling this way. Believe me when I say I will continue to do whatever I can to undo it. But you, Virgil, are an idiot if you can think for one minute that your trauma is all you have to offer.”

“Lo--”

“We love you, Virgil. All of you. That means your past, your mistakes, your relapses, all of it. Because that includes all of the good.”

“You make us better,” Roman added, sincere and strong. “I mean that every time I say it. You protect us, you bring us closer, and you make us happy.”

“I...I don’t--”

“You do.” Patton was in front of him again, Logan having let go of his jaw. “I know you can’t always see it, but you do. We wouldn’t be complete without you. We weren’t complete until you came along. So don’t you think for a second that we would ever give up on you. You’re worth everything, kiddo.”

Virgil couldn’t really see at this point, vision blurred completely by the neverending trail of tears, but right now he didn’t really care. The guilt was fading for the moment, that ever present voice in the back of his head finally being silenced.

“What we’re trying to say,” Logan added, not bothering to wipe away his own tears. “Is that we have no desire to ask you to leave. And at this point, I doubt we’d let you if you tried.”

Roman’s smile brightened, and Virgil felt himself blush when the prince winked at him. “Yes, we’ve grown rather fond of you, Doctor Gloom.”

Virgil sobbed again at the nickname, but he was smiling through his tears now, blindly reaching for all of them. And they were there, without even needing to be asked, one last silent reassurance that they meant what they said, that he didn’t need to go anywhere.

“Come on,” Patton said, pulling away after what might have been hours. “Let’s get you some real food. And I’ll show you the new cups- Logan let us make them pretty colors!”

For just a second the voice was back, telling him it was too good to be true, that he should duck out now and never leave his room again.

He didn’t even give it a second thought, brushing the dark thoughts aside and allowing himself to be dragged to his feet, following his family into the kitchen.

For the moment, even if it wouldn’t last, he let himself relax.

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forthegodsandtheghosts · 4 years

Text

The Four Times Virgil Was Sleepy Around The Other Sides and The One Time He Fell Asleep

Link to AO3 version

Post the inspired the concept

Post that helped me with scene 4

Virgil doesn't have a good sleep schedule. That fact absolutely affects him in his everyday life. Just a bunch of Virgil being sleepy and defensive about it.

This is honestly just very self-indulgent because I just absolutely love Virgil Sanders and can't exist without thinking about the Sides for five seconds

It had been a long… day? Week? Month? Interval of time. I had been a long interval of time for the resident mindscape emo who just couldn’t seem to catch a break.

Letting out a long, drawn-out groan of agony, Virgil flopped down onto the couch, fully planning on just being a general nuisance by hogging it. Though, as soon as he stilled, hands resting on his stomach, he noticed just how good laying down felt. Arching his back off the couch, he heard those satisfying clicks before dropping back down with a sigh.

He could almost sleep here. There wasn’t exactly anything stopping him. The other Sides are off doing their own thing and Thomas probably wouldn’t miss a wanna-be vampire hollering in his ears. Besides, he needed the rest. So, slowly he allows his muscles to relax further as his eyes slide shut.

Then he hears footsteps.

Virgil shoots upright, scooting to lean on the arm of the couch his head was previously next to, trying to look natural. His gaze goes to the doorway just as Patton enters the room.

He startles when he notices Virgil’s presence, legs sprawled out, still taking up the couch. “Anxiety! Hi, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Patton’s shocked expression quickly changes to show his typical cheerful smile, confusion about Virgil being there present none the less.

“I could say the same, but we live in the same mindscape and are bound to see each other most of the time, so I can’t.” Virgil’s sass is prominent no matter how deadpan he sounds and Patton’s smile almost wavers.

“Of course, kiddo! I didn’t mean anything bad by you being here, just got a bit surprised. Well I’ve got something to do, I’ll see you around, Anxiety!” he called as he went back down the hall he just entered from.

It was about a week later; Virgil had managed to get one (1) almost full night of sleep – he got maybe two hours – and was once again extremely tired and considering just saying fuck it and going back to bed for the rest of forever. So how exactly did he end up dragged into a movie night with the rest of the Sides? Pure dumb lack of luck.

He was placed on the couch, sandwiched between Patton and Logan – Patton who just wants to give the newest member of their little group the most love he can and Logan who would probably implode if he had to sit on the ground – Roman sitting at Patton’s feet on the bean bag he dragged over. Virgil could already feel himself fading, with the lights off and all the warmth and the shockingly comfortable surface that is Patton’s chest he was being pulled into. Honestly, it’s as if the guy was made to be as huggable as possible.

Virgil soon reached the point of having to force his eyes to stay open barely halfway through the first movie. He couldn’t fall asleep. He’s tough and dangerous and they can’t know he sleeps and becomes defenseless sometimes, it’s far too dangerous. Who knows what could happen to him, what they could do–

His own internal ramblings were cut of as he let out a wide yawn, half burying his face into Patton’s chest. Patton released a small sound that definitely caught the other two’s attention if the yawn didn’t. “Are you tired, kiddo?” Patton quietly asked, hand soothing through Virgil’s hair.

Virgil quickly pushed himself off Patton’s chest. “No. I’m just getting bored of sitting here, watching a bunch of singing animals.” He stood from the couch and made his way quickly to the doorway, ignoring the disappointed expression on Patton’s face and relishing in Roman’s offended one. “See you tomorrow maybe.” Then he disappears up the stairs.

It’s a quiet day. Not the odd kind of quiet.

Rather, the kind of quiet that is achieved when everyone is relaxing in the common room doing their own thing. It’s not as if a vacuum sealed chamber, there’s still the sounds of Logan flipping pages in his book, of Roman’s pencil scribbling away in his notebook, and of whatever show Patton decided to watch. A good quiet that everyone could enjoy. Everyone that was fully awake that is.

Virgil sits on the couch, between Logan on the armchair and Roman on the middle cushion, staring blankly at his phone's home screen. He considered finding another app to entertain himself on but as soon as he hit the home button the fatigue of a poor sleep schedule hit like a bus. At this point, he might as well be sleeping with his eyes open due to his complete lack of responsiveness to anything around him.

Logan glances at the seemingly spacing Side. Eyelids slightly drooping, the lack of spare eyeshadow particles to suggest usage of makeup – which was concerning on it’s own as it almost looks like he is wearing makeup, the heavy lean on the armrest. Anxiety is not doing okay is the conclusion he comes to.

As most should know, Logan is not one to sugar coat or delay, so it’s easy for him to decide to get the current predicament dealt with as soon as possible. “Anxiety,” he starts, closing his book and causing everyone’s attention to move to him, including, just barely, Virgil’s, “from what I have observed, you seem tired. Have you been having issues sleeping?” Right to the point.

Everyone’s attention is now on Virgil, even as he still seems to be processing what Logan said, a confused expression on his face and half-asleep glaze to his eyes. “Wha’?” He says after a few more moments, blinking dazedly at Logan.

“Alright, that is everything I need to know.” Logan stands and moves towards the closet they keep spare blankets and pillows, A.K.A the Pillow Fort Closet™. He pulls out a soft blanket and pillow and carries them back into the common room, setting them down on the armchair. He quickly shoos Roman and Patton off the couch while Virgil watches, barely processing anything. “Anxiety, can you lay down for me?”

Virgil barely registers when he complies, lifting his head when he’s told to as Logan slips the pillow under it and drapes the blanket over the rest of him. It’s only after Logan sits back down that Virgil realizes what just happened and is sitting, standing, and sinking out in quick succession.

Months later, a few days after Virgil revealed his name and everyone got a dandy style change, things had returned to relative normativity except Virgil was marginally more included in many things the other Sides choose to do than before.

It’s currently night, a particular night in which Roman has been up even into the morning so late he decides there’s no point in sleeping. Roman decides to head downstairs and get a cup of coffee with the promise he’ll actually sleep tomorrow. What he finds isn’t not normal, but definitely not expected.

When he rounds the doorway into the kitchen, he catches sight of a large mass around counter level. He’s immediately flicks on the light, earning a startled hiss from the mass, now revealed to be Virgil sitting in the sink, the Side seemingly just woken up by Roman’s entrance.

“Virgil?” Roman asks. “What are you doing in the sink?”

“Sleeping. What are you doing up?” He rubs harshly at his eyes with a wide yawn.

“I got… busy and came to get some coffee. Why are you sleeping in the sink?”

Virgil only responds with a shrug, slumping further into the sink though his gaze doesn’t leave Roman.

Roman only nods and gets to work on making his coffee. “Well, it’s not my back that’s gonna feel like a dragon hit me with a tail whip later.”

“Whatever.” Virgil, still annoyed and tired from being so abruptly woken, continues to watch Roman with a slightly dazed stare until he finally leaves the room, turning the lights off as he went.

As soon as he's gone up the stairs, Virgil falls right back to sleep.

It was yet another, apparently mandatory now, movie night, and Virgil isn’t complaining. He is, once again, being cuddled by Patton and is happy to cuddle back with the easy bribe of hair petting being offered. Logan sits on his other side holding one of his hands as it had soon after his acceptance been revealed that Logan was actually very lenient about – if not openly welcoming – of physical contact. Roman sitting at their feet as per usual in regard to movie nights.

Virgil’s relationship with the other Sides had quickly developed into one of relative familial comfort.

Leading to a very similar predicament to earlier that year.

Sitting for more than an hour in a dark room, surrounded by warm bodies, with plenty of comfortable pillows and blankets surrounding them – a requirement set by Roman and Patton – the perfect movie night and napping environment. So, it’s simple to say that, while Virgil had been getting better sleep as of late, he is pretty sleepy.

There is one difference though. Instead of running out of the room the second his eyes start closing, he relaxes more against Patton’s chest. With a sigh he tries to bury his face further into the body, causing Patton to let out a low, small laugh.

“Go to sleep, sweetheart. You’re safe.” He whispers to Virgil.

Virgil hums in contentedness as Logan slowly rubs the back of his hand and Roman wordlessly lowers the volume of the movie. As he slowly drifts into sleep, he can’t help but think one final conscious thought.

Man, I love my family.

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@sleepyvirgilprompts

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