#tsunami-addiction

[junkdafied]

This is the inaugural post of Junkdafied, and I hope you are all as excited as myself. The narcotic enthusiast has been shunned from popular culture for decades, and with the exception of a few "edgy" directors, we are left with absolutely no media aimed at our community for us to enjoy. Fuck the haters. I do nt care how much we steal from each other and lie about it later. The junkie community is as tight as they come. Unlike the typical sphincter, which, alternatively, was likely blown out, prolapsed, or ran through for a sack. Fond memories such as these will finally be memorialized and dignified. And the public at large, if they so choose, can get a scintilla of understanding as to the symptoms of our condition.

[astrobiscuits]

Chiron persona chart obs

WARNING: BRIEF MENTIONS OF ED, S*ICIDE, S*XUAL AB*SE. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND NOT TO READ THIS POST IF YOU'RE VERY SENSITIVE thank you

Stelliums show us where our main trauma or wound lies:

Stellium in Aries/1st house - body image issues/body dysmorphia, hating ones face and wanting to change it at all cost, being so focused on ones trauma that it results in excessive independence

Stellium in Taurus/2nd house - self worth issues, hating ones voice and/or being made fun of for how ones voice sounds, excessive shopping due to fear of having nothing, having stash of cash hidden everywhere in the house due to being scared of getting robbed

Stellium in Gemini/3rd house - being too scared to speak to others, hating the way you express yourself, being an overachiever at school due to fear of being seen as "stupid", fear of being run over by a bicycle or a car

Stellium in Cancer/4rd house - family problems (divorced parents, one of the parents is out of the picture for whatever reason, family members dealing with addictions, family abuse), issues when it comes to comforting yourself in times of crisis, HEAVY abandonment issues

Stellium in Leo/5th house - had to grow up too fast instead of enjoying childhood, fear of not being "the perfect parent", fear of not making it in the industry (for those pursing creative careers or following their passions), issues regarding getting pregnant and delivering a child, fear of being burned by the sun or by fire

Stellium in Virog/6th house - fear of contacting an incurable disease, issues regarding eating disorders, trauma regarding messy spaces, which results in OCD

Stellium in Libra/7th house - issues caused by getting cheated in a relationship, fear of trusting someone in a one-on-one connection, trauma resulted from business affairs which have gone wrong

Stellium in Scoprio/8th house - fear of death, issues caused by sexual trauma/sexual abuse, grooming, stalking, human trafficking, mysterious disappearances, divorce, taxes, loans

Stellium in Sagittarius/9th house - fear of not being able to experience everything one has always wanted, issues caused by not living to ones full potential, fear of travelling too far away, religious trauma

Stellium in Capricorn/10th house - fear of being forgotten and not standing out, issues regarding not looking & acting in a professional manner when needed, fear of not being promoted in ones career, the trauma is very visible to the public

Stellium in Aquarius/11th house - fear of not fitting in a crowd or a friend group, issues regarding being part of LGBTQ+ or a subculture often dismissed (POC, people with disabilities, orphanage kids, emos), trauma related to the country's government and (possible) implications in war, fear of dying in a natural disaster (earthquake, tsunami, volcano), fear of dying by electrocution or in an airplane crash

Stellium in Pisces/12th house - fear of being admitted to a prison, asylum or nursing home, having frequent thoughts of unaliving onself, fear of drowning, fear of what happens after death, fear of being misunderstood or made fun of for hearing voices and seeing things which aren't real

Moon shows us how we process our trauma and wounds:

Moon in Aries/1st house : screams, throws things around (maybe also breaks a few things), if anyone reminds them of their wounds/traumas, they'd literally break that person's neck; they might recklessly drive, play with fire or drink excessively out of anger

Moon in Taurus/2nd house : resorts to retail therapy, cooks their favourite meals, gets some comfy pillow and blankets and watches their favourite show; they're slow to heal their wounds, but they manage to do so

Moon in Gemini/3rd house : overanalyzes what happened to the point that they've thought of every scenario possible, (if they have more than one wound/trauma) switches between wounds, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with siblings and acquaintances

Moon in Cancer/4th house : cries 24/7, acts distant with people who are not close to them and defensive with those who want to talk about their feelings; they tend to have very, very unhealthy coping mechanisms (aka they resort to self-harm)

Moon in Leo/5th house : transforms their pain & wounds into a form of art - whether it's through dancing, painting, singing, acting, photography, videography; sometimes they might not recognize how much their past affects them, especially around others, they boast about how "it wasn't that bad" even though they're clearly affected by what happened

Moon in Virgo/6th house : focuses on the details, what they could have done better and what they didn't, easily becomes anxious, cleaning the house becomes a form of therapy for them; in case of physical wounds, they document themselves very well (sometimes they are even able to heal themselves, since this Moon sign in Chiron persona chart has a sort of 6th sense about medicinal procedures)

Moon in Libra/7th house : their s/o knows every pain, wound and traumas they've ever experienced, analyzes the past in a logical manner and tries to find a healthy coping mechanism, without hurting anyone else in the process; listens to sad, romantic songs

Moon in Scorpio/8th house : if someone else is guilty for their wounds/traumas, they're going to plot revenge and execute their plan in a discreet manner; often jealous, they might pursue fwb connections to stop thinking about their pain; the ones who manage to deal with their past in a healthy manner become a completely different person in the process

Moon in Sagittarius/9th house : dealing with their wounds/traumas opens a new world for them, they end up adopting a new set of beliefs as a coping mechanism, travelling to another country to get some space from their surroundings helps them heal

Moon in Capricorn/10th house : replays the past over and over again, they numb their emotions, if asked about their wounds/traumas, they answer very stoic; they also tend to be more realistic and don't like to tell themselves lies or hear lies about their trauma

Moon in Aquarius/11th house : resorts to technology to cope with the pain, is usually open about their wounds and traumas with their friends or on social media, but not with family; they might try some unusual coping mechanisms

Moon in Pisces/12th house : they isolate themselves from everyone in order to cope with the pain, meditation and breathing techniques are their to-go methods of calming their anxiety down; if they don't manage to cope in a healthy way, they dissociate and go through a depersonalization process or an addiction takes over them (drinking, smoking, they overuse medication etc.)

Jupiter shows us where we're blessed, but fail to see. The stronger the modality, the more obvious it is to other people.

♃ Jupiter in fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) and/or fixed houses (2nd house, 5th house, 8th house, 11th house) are extremely blessed and everyone is able to notice, but the native.

♃ Jupiter in cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) and/or cardinal houses (1st house, 4th house, 7th house, 11th house) are blessed, but only a specific category of people notice it.

♃ Jupiter in mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces) and/or mutable houses (3rd house, 6th house, 9th house, 12th house) are still blessed, but the effect is hardly noticeable to anyone.

Those with:

Grand Trine/Kite/Yod (Finger of God)

Sun, Jupiter, North Node and ruler of the chart conjuncting MC and/or placed in 10th/11th house (minimum 2 placements)

Stellium in 10th house/11th house

-> have got amazing healing abilites and often end up pursuing careers where they help & heal society (usually as doctors, therapists, spiritual advisors, social workers, advocates who actually make a difference, etc.) They usually become famous for their healing gifts.

Other small considerations:

Ascendant shows us how we are perceived at first glance when we are dealing with pain

IC shows us how we are perceived by our family (or in a safe, secluded place) when we are dealing with pain

DSC shows us how we are perceived by our partner or best friend when we are dealing with pain

MC shows us how we are perceived in public (or in our career) when we are dealing with pain

North Node shows us our salvation (where we need to focus on in order to heal)

🕊 Sun trine Moon & Sun sextile Moon individuals have an easier time healing their traumas and wounds

🕊 Sun opposite Saturn & Sun square Saturn individuals feel the need to rebel from their father/grandparents, norms that have been imposed on them, old customs & traditions, institutions/government, in order to heal themselves

[planetsage]

NEW PIN ! ꒰ 🧚🏽‍♀️ HEAVEN 𖧧˚⋆ʚɞ ── choso kamo 𝜗𝜚 . . . SAVE ?

“all of our love filling all of our room. your low warm voice curses as you find the string to strike within me that rings out a note heard in heaven.”

contains. nsfw so, minors and ageless blogs do not interact. f!reader. switch!choso but mainly dom!cho, sort of fighting for dominance, “ma’am,” f rec oral, dirty talk, fingering.

“can i try .. being in control? y’know, like how .. like how you are usually?”

choso pants sweet puffs of air betwixt words. they suffuse into the otherwise stilled air, toying with the curve of your ear before kissing at it softly. he’s curled up underneath you, twitching and shaking like a spring leaf at how you press swelled lips against the flush of his neck. “you want to be in control?”

you parrot him almost mockingly, and he nods. moving to push you underneath him so quickly you blink a few times to register what just happened, “yeah, i want to be in control” his eyes lock onto yours, dead-set. his wispy lashes so long they almost push up against the lower scruff of his brows, “want to make you feel good” he’s moving down your body, slowly, never letting his gaze grow weak or falter, “want to make you cum on my tongue” a kiss to your stomach and then another to the pit of your belly button, “want to make a mess out of you so i can drink it all up” oh, he’s going to be the death of you, “want to be used”

he nestles palms between the curve of the back of your knees, pushing them up to your chest. then licks a few fat, wet stripes on your inner thighs, muffling into the warmth of your skin, “can i?”

he pulls a smirk out of you. you’ve never seen him like this before. regaling you with words as is if he’s selling himself, but your head dips into a nod, “yeah, cho. make me feel good” slipping a craved hand into his mussed hair. he perks up almost noticeably, as if he expected you to say no. looking up at you, but then his eyes darkened. the usually clear windows to his very soul, fogging over with pure lust.

he opens his mouth, flashing white enamel before closing over the dyed lace of your panties, tearing through it like some crazed dog making your body quickly sit up, “what are you— that was fucking expens- ohhh fuck“

his lips, wet, suction around the bud of your sensitives clit, sucking so harshly as if it’s his last breath of air, slick spit coating as he pinches his brows together, speaking against your sloshy cunt, “shut up and take it”

“who do you— hahh nngh, think you’re talking to, huh?”

“this prettyy fuckin’ pussy. so loud when it sucks me in jus’ — listen, baby”

he dips two long slender fingers into the warmth of your sticky walls, smiling against your cunt at how it squelches so messily, your head slipping back at the sweet stretch, your body already giving in to him, “feel good baby, hmm? tell me just how good ‘m makin’ you feel. say it”

your ass raises and arches up into a bow at how he’s carelessly talking against your cunt, sending warm vibrations to the pit of your stomach, his sharp teeth occasionally teasing and grazing your clit.

“sh— shut— up and eat me out”

he lets you have it with a muffled, “yes ma’am” too caught up and lost in your addicting taste to keep testing and pushing you— he’s successfully dipped a toe, but doesn’t dare to fully submerge, he knows he’s no match and you’d eat him alive like a starved great white.

your thighs hungrily clamp around his flushed face, “fu— fuck gonna cum. don’t stop. don’t fucking stop” and he wouldn’t dream of it.

his fingers slosh in and out of you, hurriedly begging you to give him more. greedy. both your hands dig into his hair grabbing bushy handfuls, grounding yourself against his warm, flattened tongue, “that’s it, baby, use me. fuck my face”

a wave. a tsunami of pleasure surged deep, deep in your core, spreads warmth through your entire body as you push against the crown of his head, “don’t run fr’me” he’s lapping at your pussy through your high, the world around you blurring leaving you empty, your body spasming against the strength of his heavy arms.

you look so pretty like this, he thinks. your body humming angelically with aftermaths of his tongue, bathed in a glow of pure gold. he now sees why you love being in the position he’s in, but now that he’s seen oxymoron personified, this heavenly yet so sinful side of you, he doesn’t think he can go back.

© planetsage 2024 all rights reserved. no part of this may be reproduced in any form.

[lady-of-tearshed]

Do not disturb

Eris Vanserra x Reader

Eris Vanserra Week 2024

@erisweekofficial

Day 7: Free Day

Summary: You and Eris get a little overexcited and decide to blow off some sexual tension in-between two meetings. Will the new High Lord manage to thoroughly please his wife and High Lady with barely half an hour? Let's hope so.

Word count: 728 words

Warnings: Smut, voyeurism, impregnation kink, begging, praise kink

Dividers made by @tsunami-of-tears 🤎

As soon as the doors had been closed, and everyone that had attended this finance meeting had exited the throne room, Eris pulled you up onto his lap.

Clothes flew to the ground, piling up here and there. One of your hands went to hold tight onto Eris’ shoulder while the other gripped onto his throne armrests as you sank down on him.

“Eris,” You whined, trying to push yourself down onto him despite his strong grip on your hips, keeping you steady. “Please,”

Eris purred against your neck, moving into you unbearably slowly. His tongue and teeth scraped against your skin, relishing on the idea that he had all of the time in the world to worship what was his.

“Patience, beloved,” He nipped at the skin of your neck, his cock twitching inside of you at every little gasp you make. “We have all the time in the world,”

“We're supposed to meet your emissary in half an hour-”

You were cut short by Eris' hips roughly slamming home, his fingers dug so hard into the flesh of your hips you knew it would leave marks. Your head tilted back from the intense sensations, but Eris fisted your hair and brought it back straight to force your eyes to stay on his.

“I don't see the issue there,” Eris answered, his eyes shining with pure Fae male arrogance. “I can thoroughly and properly fuck my mate with half an hour ahead of me,”

“What if–” You swallow thickly, trying to form coherent sentences and concentrate on something else than the sounds your bodies made as they collided restlessly. “We're going to get caught,”

“Then be so,” He slowed his pace, one of his hands tracing a path from your pelvis to your chest. His thumb gently grazed your right nipple. “It's not like we're doing something… naughty,”

You raised an eyebrow and rolled your eyes, the mimic only fuelled Eris' desire.

“I'm being completely serious right now. We're technically fulfilling our duties,” His nose brushed against your cheek, taking in your addictive scent. “We're making an heir,”

“I'm sure this could be done in a bedroom,”

“Are you complaining, beloved?”

All you could do was shake your head from side to side as he hit that spot deep within you, again and again. Your bodies were sticking together from the sweat coating your skin. Eris magic was dancing all around you, little sparks of fire flickering in the throne room.

“Good. Then stop whining and ride my cock like a good girl,”

You obeyed, your vision started to fade to black. The coil in your stomach tightened as you did as Eris ordered, your quivering thighs moving you up and down on his cock, faster. The pace of his thrust was erratic.

“Eris- I'm going to-”

“I know,” He growled against your skin and nuzzled in the crook of your neck. His voice was barely over a whisper as he added, “Let go, my beloved. Come for me. I’m almost there, too,”

Time slowed, all of your muscles contracted, and your inner walls clenched around Eris as your orgasm rippled.

Eris gave a few more thrusts, more sloppy than the others, and roared against your skin when release rushed through him. He emptied himself inside of you, holding your hips tightly and tilting them to reach the deepest spot he could. You shivered at how exquisitely full and warm you felt in this moment, wishing you could just stay like this forever. But-

The door clicked open, and Eris snarl was animalistic. “Get out,”

“M-M-My apologies, High Lord,” the flustered emissary stuttered, “Should I come back l-later?”

You couldn't see Eris’ emissary from where you stood on Eris thighs, but you could smell and feel the raw terror through his voice.

“No,” Eris' arms tightened around your body. His teeth nibbled the skin of your jaw, and you could already feel him hardening again inside of you. “Not today,” He snapped at his emissary, clearly dismissing him.

The poor male didn't hesitate to run away with his tail between his legs. Eris’ attention returned to you completely as soon as the massive wooden doors shut.

A wicked grin was plastered on his lips, his cock, still buried deep inside of you, was already ready and hard with desire once again.

“Ready for another ride, High Lady?”

Taglist: @lilah-asteria @mybestfriendmademe @acotar-lover

[zweiginator]

i feel like dilf!patrick would record you guys having sex n send it to his ex wife

yes he WOULD!!!!!

knowing patrick his divorce was definitely super messy. he got married due to pressure from his ex wife after she found out she was pregnant. because patrick to her was truly only supposed to be a hook up. but she got sucked in. patrick's green eyes and strong arms and tan skin, how tall he is--it made her keep coming back. and then three months into knowing each other she had a positive pregnancy test and a man afraid of commitment and addicted to sex.

they tried to make it work and it did for awhile. lines were blurred when their daughter was born. it was easy to forget about the past, how neither of them knew the other's middle name or the exact date of their birthdays. but as things got harder as she turned two, fights were commonplace and patrick slept in the guest bedroom most nights. he didn't have sex with her. eat, sleep, work, repeat.

they filed for divorce three days before patrick's thirty-fifth birthday. and patrick was strangely upset about it; to him it represented his inability to step up. a failure he had that felt innate; he couldn't truly commit.

but their relationship was forced and unorthodox and they barely got along--so why was patrick livid to see she had a new boyfriend. of course, he had been fucking you for months at this point, but a full-fledged boyfriend felt extreme.

and patrick felt those same pangs of jealousy that swept over the rest of his feelings like a tsunami when he was a teenager.

he knew seeing this would hurt her. because they often fought about patrick not fucking her.

patrick invited you over, knowing you would drop everything. you did. you wore a pretty sundress; it didn't stay on for long. and when patrick pulled out his phone to record how he was holding your legs back and fucking you with slow, languid strokes--you loved it. figured it was just for his own pleasure later on.

your legs shook and the camera captured how patrick was splitting you open. your pussy fluttered around him and you were speaking in tongues you were so fucked out.

"please--please harder, harder--"

just begging him for more and more. your tits jiggled as he obeyed your wish. and he reached down to touch your clit, the expanse of your stomach. slapped your tits and pushed his fingers into your mouth. he moaned.

"isn't she pretty?" patrick asked.

you didn't know who he was speaking to and you didn't ask.

patrick came inside and rubbed the sensitive, velvety head of his cock over your cum-slicked folds. he turned the camera off. and when you fell asleep he sent it to his ex wife.

she watched it, in the bathroom as she bit on her nails, her new boyfriend snoring in the bedroom. she seethed. but she also saw yourself in her. that need to do good for patrick because when you did, he made you feel so good.

[lucky-bucky-boy]

Restless Night

Pairing: MCU!Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: An impulsive phone call leads to a happy ending

Word Count: 1307

Warnings: Slight angst, smut, pet names, little to no (y/n), mentions of missions, lemme know if i missed anything  

A/N: MCU!Peter - I do plan to write something for TASM!Peter in the future but this was just easier for my brain to set up the scene. I wanted to do something different and challenged myself to write something that was more dialogue-heavy than I’ve written in a while. Not my best work, but a little smutty smut bc why not

I do not own these characters. Do NOT repost my writing and/or fics anywhere without my written permission. Reblogs are welcomed and highly appreciated!

The soft sound of the television playing a forgotten movie almost drowned out the sound of the phone ringing, tucked under a pillow and muffled. The sweet cusp of sleep was only moments away, being dragged out by the vibrating as the first call ended and a second came through. 

The near unconsciousness caused forethought to be left behind, grabbing the phone, answering the call, and putting it to your ear. A soft "hello?" was all you could muster. 

"Hey, baby."

A tsunami of emotions flooded through your body, suddenly wide awake and hyper aware of everything that was going on; The television was nearing the end of the movie you had put on, your clock reading 1:32, the lights from the cars passing by casting various dancing shadows around your room.  

"I've missed you, baby." 

His voice was sweet, almost addictive and something you hadn't realized was a need buried deep inside you. You shuffled, forcing yourself up and sitting against the squishmallow he'd won for you on your first time, something you hadn't been able to get rid of. 

"Hi, Peter," you voice was quiet, sleep still etched between the syllables. There was a beat of silence between the two of you, "Peter, why'd you call? It's been 10 months."

Peter let out a soft sigh, you could hear him shuffling around. "Missing you really bad tonight, love. M' on a mission," there was another sigh, "I almost got hurt, like really hurt. Thankfully Bucky was there. All I could think about was you."

"Peter!" You voice was now much louder, instantly filled with worry, "Don't go and get yourself ki-"

He cut you off, "I wasn't tryna get hurt, baby. We got ambushed. We had just went in there for me to copy some information onto a drive. Ended up being some rogue Hydra agents, a leg of them we didn't even know existed." Peter was rambling and he knew it, he was starting to think the reason he called was a bad one. 

You sighed, body riddled with a million different emotions, "Pete, why'd you call me?"

"I miss you," his words had a slight whine to them, "I wanna touch you so badly, wanna hold you and kiss you."

If he was there you would have undoubtedly melted into him. The breakup was mutual, but difficult nonetheless. Between trying to focus on your career and all of the responsibilities Peter had, it was near impossible to maintain a relationship - there was no time for date nights or dinner, no time to sit and reminisce and talk about the future. For months, the only time spent together was sleeping in the same bed, which was almost always disrupted by some responsibility. 

You two loved each other, loved each other more than yourselves most days. But it had become too taxing and tiring, the constant worrying, near lack of support because attention was needed elsewhere. So, after a long, tearful date night gone wrong, the two of you agreed to break up, maybe try again when there were less things counting on you both. 

Peter regretted it immediately, but he had wanted to give you space, give you time to flourish and not worry about him. He'd asked M.J. and Ned all the time what you had been up to, he would check your Instagram and Snapchat to see the things you were posting and proud of. He did whatever he could to support you from afar. 

But tonight, tonight he dared to be selfish, he needed to be selfish. Deep down he knew it was wrong, calling you up in the middle of the night because the adrenaline was still pumping through his veins and all he wanted was to be with you. 

"I miss you too, Pete." Your voice was soft again, it always was in moments like this. Where the intimacy lay just behind every fiber in your body. 

He hummed, starting to get antsy as he continued to try to figure out how to say what he wanted. "Baby, can you do me a favor?"

"What is it, Pete?" You almost hated how quickly you answered, how eager you were. 

"Touch yourself, sweetheart. I wanna hear you touch yourself."

The gasp that left you was audible. Peter was never incredibly bold, never the type to initiate unless you two were definitely alone. Even in those moments, it was always sweet and loving. But this, Peter calling in the middle of the night, a desperate whine to his words and an insane neediness that make his tone demanding. 

“Baby, if you don’t want to, you can just hang up. I won’t be upset with you.” You could hear some ruffling and the sound of metal hitting the floor. “I just miss the pretty sounds you make, miss the way your face scrunches up, miss the feeling of your skin against mine.”

This wasn’t a command you were going to disobey. He was still rambling, your mind only half paying attention to the honey-like words he was saying. “Do you want me to use my hand or one of my toys?”

He paused for a moment and you could practically hear the smile spread across his lips. “Use your hand, sweetheart. Run you hands across your body like I would.”

You could hear the moment Peter wrapped his hand around himself, a small groan leaving his lips. You listened to him, it being nearly impossible not to. "Wish you were here, Petey," the words slipped out of you as your fingers danced across your skin, sending goosebumps in their wake. 

Your eyes were pinched shut, listening to every whimper and sigh the came through your phone, doing your best to pretend your own touch was his. "Me too, God, me too. Miss kissing your skin, hearing your little gasps when I nip."

"Peter," you couldn't help but whimper, forgoing anymore teasing and quickly giving your clit the much needed attention. It never took long with Peter for you to become needy and impatient, let alone when it had been almost a year since you heard the noises he was making, "I'm not gonna last long, want you so badly," your words were gasped out between soft moans, instant pleasure radiating from your core already making your body warm.

"Me neither, baby," there was a low groan that slipped from him, strangled as he attempted to hold himself together. With every sound you made, he nearly felt like he was in a dream. But he knew this was real, his subconscious hyper aware of the thin walls in the shitty hotel he was holed up in for the night and the super soldier who undoubtedly could hear him. 

A endless stream of "fuck"s, gasps, moans, and whimpers flooded through each phone. It only took a few more minutes before the coil burst and the warmth of your high shook through your body, thighs quaking and chest heaving. Peter followed suit, a breathy moan of your name as he spilled into his hand and all over his abdomen. 

There was a lingering silence as the  other of you recovered, both taking in what has just happened while relishing in the aftermath. Peter broke the silence first, "Need to get m'self cleaned up," he mumbled. There was another beat of silence from him, "I do really miss you."

You hummed your agreement, shifting yourself into a more comfortable position. "I do really wish you were here." 

He huffed out a small laugh, a sound that was laced with relief and contentedness. "I'll be home tomorrow at 4. I still got my key, I'll bring dinner, and we can talk. How does that sound?"

Now it was your turn to laugh, excitement filling every nerve in your body. "It sounds like a date."

[with-my-calamitous-love]

I’M STARTING TO COME UNDONE

chuuya x f! reader

smut, angst, themes of alcohol, oral (fem receiving), spanking, hair pulling, themes of a toxic relationship

minors DNI (ageless blogs will be blocked)

inspired by you dont go to parties

why do we go to things we know are bad for us?

chuuya knew his drinking was bad for him. he knew he relied on alcohol too much, needing more and more to get him through his darkest days. the drinks were both his salvation and greatest enemy; but he was a man of the mafia. he had seen the darkest dark, the most evil of the world. if a couple shots of tequila, two glasses of wine, and a double shot of whiskey could take the weight away for even a moment, then fuck it.

chuuya was like your alcohol.

he hurt you, hurt you heart like a liquid poison being absorbed by your body. but like an addiction, you kept crawling back- and kept hating yourself for it. you kept coming back if it meant savouring a second of bliss before being tormented for an eternity. being involved in the mafia was miserable. having an ability felt like a curse. and every day, you walked through the nights bestowed upon by your life of crime. chuuya was your light. a burning, sickishly green light that made you sick.

chuuya used substances, and chuuya was your substance.

tonight was no exception.

“you’re so bad for me.” you stated out between kisses, almost as if pressing your lips to his would prevent you from speaking the whole truth. it was the truth, and chuuya knew it. but right now he only cared about making out with you, not about how horrible it would be in the long run. “you’re gonna make me regret this.”

“fuck, i know.” chuuya hissed while his lips moved down to your neck, sucking dark red hickeys onto your delicate skin. his gloved hands eagerly teared away your dress, pressing you down onto the bed. he found his way in between your legs, his hips grinding against you eagerly. your hands flew to the back of his head, running through the ginger locks as he went down on you. “just shut up and let me fuck you.”

chuuya trailed hot, possessive kisses down your body, nipping at your tender flesh. a deep groan rumbled in his chest as he reached your already glistening clit, his tongue darting out to tease yout sensitive folds. you waste no time moaning in response, a buzzing feeling in your chest travelling down to in-between your thighs. he gripped your already trembling thighs over his shoulders, burying his face deeper between your legs. his skilled tongue your sensitive spots well, and he left no part of you untouched.

chuuya lapped and sucked with a relentless hunger, tightening his grip on your thighs like he was a starved man. he let out a satisfied moan as he felt your legs shake, tongue flicking at you and eliciting more desperate cries from you. your mind grew heavy with euphoria, your orgasm bound to wash over you at any moment like a tsunami. you writhed in the sheets, but you knew chuuya- you knew he wasn’t just going to let you have it.

“f-fuck, don’t stop..” you breathlessly begged as chuuya climbed on top of you. he took your wrists and pinned them beside your head, admiring the way your half-lidded eyes and your hair sprawled out on the pillow. your arousal dripped from chuuya’s lips, and his blue eyes looked ready to ravish you further. you felt his the tip of his throbbing cock press against your clit, and you whined. you could already feel yourself clenching around him. nothing mattered now, the only thing you cared about was chuuya fucking you so good everyone knew what you were doing. the feeling of pleasure was so much better than the reality of your relationship.

he wasted no time pushing his cock into you, biting down on your shoulder as he felt your tight, wet walls constrict around his length. he slammed his hips forward, burying himself to the hilt of your tight heat. you felt your fingers shiver with nothing to grab onto, chuuya making sure to keep you restricted. chuuya grimaced as you screamed his name like a choir, his hips crashing against your body with animalistic fervor. a desperate gleam shone in his eyes as he watched your face contort in a mix of ecstasy and pleasure.

“f-fuck, you feel so good around my cock like that baby.. fuck! yeah, just like that.” chuuya released punishing grip from your hands to move down to your thighs, landing a few punishing spanks to your ass as he fucked up. you threw your head back, screaming as the sting manifested itself as pleasure. your mind and body were buzzing, watching as chuuya’s cock disappeared into your heat over and over again. he fit in your perfectly, nothing else could feel like this.

you were unable to speak, but chuuya wasn’t going to ask you anyway. he grabbed you by the hair, flipping you over onto your stomach. your mind too blank to protest, you felt as he grabbed your hips and pulled it upwards, positioning his cock back inside of you. he pressed your face into the pillow, muffling your screams as he continued to fuck you from a new angle. his hips snapped forward in a brutal, relentless rhythm, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh echoing through the room.

chuuya continued to unleash a series of sharp, stinging slaps against your round, exposed ass. the sound of skin striking skin mingled with your desperate cries muffled into the pillow. he leaned down, whispering something incoherent in your ear. your eyes rolled to the back of your head in pure euphoria, ready to cum around his cock at any moment.

“oh, fuck.” chuuya moaned.

he felt his climax approaching. with a few more savage thrusts, he buried himself to the hilt and unleashed his hot, pulsing release deep within your quivering depths. a breathless, triumphant smirk crossed his lips as he savored the feeling of their body clenching around him, watching as his and your cum dripped out of you. you continued to shake, clenching around nothing as chuuya slowly pulled out of you.

he fell to your side, pulling you in closer to him. the shackles of your orgasm still weighed you down, barely able to speak. but what could you say?

your heavy eyes looked up at chuuya’s face. though there were remnants of pleasure, what remained was pain. he’d be gone by the morning.

you felt him wrap his arms around your waist, kissing your head as you began to drift off. the morning after always felt like a stab in the gut. knowing that he was going to break you all over again burned in your heart.

but you’d always come back. and he’d wait with open arms.

[ellabsweet]

[ੈ✩] 𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐋𝐓 𝐂𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 • 𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐒

synopsis: in which you’re fooled.

pairing: rockstar!ellie x reader x rockstar!abby

warning: mentions of cheating and drug usage but i believe that is all ! let me know in case there’s anything i just wanted to put this out already because of the traction this is getting which is making me sososo happy thank you everyone i love you <3

authors note: ——

← previous part | next part →

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐑.𝐈.𝐏 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇

approximately two years earlier…

“Who’s the pretty girl?” Ellie asks after snorting a line of powder from the small bathroom’s sink, a banging to the door from an urgent adult being dismissed by her and the dealer.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific than that”

“Oh c’mon you know the one. Sad eyes girl who watched the whole show from her seat at the bar like we were a band worth shit, like we’re going to be someday”

“They call her bunny around here. ‘Cause you know, a cute shell for a sex addict, y’know some misogynistic shit. She’s a regular to all The Deadbeats show on this shitty bar, you only want to fuck her now? Get on some fan service?”

“You’re fucking gross, man. I just digged her vibe, is all”

What Ellie meant by that was, she saw her soul reflected in your eyes and it scared her shitless but not enough to go untouched by the exchange, drowning in curiosity and magnetism the drugs made sure to intensify your face in her mind as though a printed sticker inside her brain. What Ellie meant was, she thought God was a girl with sad eyes and skimpy top watching her band in the corner of a loud bar piercing right through her like a Heaven and Hell collision midst a guitar riff.

Daniel took one last sniff of cocaine before he slammed the door open, the yell in his throat setting off a headache in Ellie: “Bunny! Come meet your rockstar!”

“I like your songs-“

“We’re gonna get married” You errupt in laughter with that, the sad eyes Ellie had attatched to the memory of you suddenly disappearing in bright amusement, she felt as though she could use your happiness as a new kind of high “I’m not joking, I would carry you in my arms straight into a chapel right now”

“Does that line usually work with the girls you go for?”

“I don’t know, you’re the first I tried it on. Is it endearing enough to convince you to elope?”

“You know every single person in this goddamn bar wants to get in your pants after that guitar riff, right?”

“I’m gonna be fully honest with you right now. I’m fucked out of my goddamn mind today, if I stare at you too long from the mix I took you’re gonna start having two heads and still I might dig it. But God, even then you look so fucking sad”

“Jesus” you scoff “alright junkie well I’m gonna go now-“

“You look so fucking sad and I see you. It’s like I’m seeing an angel cry, like I’m watching God in a party outfit wandering around and listening to my band, like a little bunny eyed daydream fucking painting on a museum wall that makes critics bawl into tears listen, shit, what I’m saying is you’re a fucking tsunami and I feel like I’m flooding and we haven’t even kissed and you don’t even seem to like me all that much right now but when I was up there?” Ellie pointed at the stage “You felt it too. My lyrics. You felt my stuff I know you did, like some soulmate shit like you feel my pain too like we’re both just trying too damn hard. I’m not insane yet, you’re something let me be something to you, I think I can be”

You didn’t answer her. You just kissed. Crashed your lips into her like you were coming up for air because something in your booze made something about her nonsense make sense. You thought you saw her in a dream when she first went up on stage, thought her to be one of those blurry faces in good nights of sleep that passed right through you, familiar in a mystical sense, in the stupidest way. Her lips on yours tasted of pure alcohol and it made you dizzy, weak in the knees. She knew her way around your body, waist and neck like a map engraved itself to the palm of her hands and you melted straight to them.

For two months you believed she was right that day, onto something. Talked about grief and music and love and death and space and leace and thought you knew her forever. Then The Deadbeats got more traction, moved to the spotlight. Then you caught her fucking a fan in the studio.

“All of Ellie’s girls think they’re special”

“Listen Abigail I don’t want to fucking hear it so you can fuck right off” You grabbed your bag, tears prickling in your eyes as you did so before the blonde grabbed hold of your shoulder, instinctively having you look back at her, perhaps the first time you truly looked at her all this time.

“But you really are.”

taglist: @abbysvictim @lottiematthewsceo @sadeyedsugar @digit4lslut @r0ckgoblin @machetegirl109 @scatapple @elliesgirlll @madelynie @emothurman @p1llowthoughtss @scottstre3ted @thatonementallyillsimp @rockyroad-is-bomb @spaceshipellie @toesorhoes @callmewhenyoukan comment to be added!

[kosije]

a/n: part two & not edited

part 1 | part 2

his breathing is haggard when he feels you up under his shirt. his pace is slow but so rough as he gropes and massages every part of you like he's committing your body to memory.

and, in a way, he is. your soft pants for more are enough to have him slowly grinding into you despite his boxers separating you both from what you really want. he has to take his time; he tells you in a deep gasp. always so fastidious with your pleasure. addicted to your warmth even in the cold of your shared room. 

"please....touch me"

a chill runs down his spine at the way your slick seeps through the cotton covering him and he quickly moves to take them off and give you what he knows you deserve.

"just lay back love, I'll handle the rest. jus' let me look at you," he says as your breath hitches, feeling how hard and big he is against you, something you don't know if you'll ever get used to, but can't get enough of.

you let your softer hands run over his abs and up to his neck, pulling him down for a kiss that he happily indulges you in. just running his cock up and down your entrance makes you both gasp. but when he finally pushes into you, you're digging your nails into his biceps and he's groaning into the crook of your neck. his thrusts begin slow, letting you get used to him inside. but when he feels you relax in his arms, he speeds up his thrust.

his grip settles on your hip and throat as he fucks you so deep you almost sob. not that he's in any better state, face flushed and eyes squinted because he can't take his eyes off you, but he's also afraid if he looks too deeply, he'll cum on the spot.

"you're so–fuck–beautiful, baby, you know that? m-my pretty girl." he says fucking you so good your nails must be breaking his skin as you whine.

he only goes faster as you get louder, and his grip on your neck gets tighter. you're seeing stars in his hold, barely able to get out that you're cumming before the coil winding in your gut snaps and your orgasm hits you like a tsunami, and ,your back dramatically arches as your legs wrap around his hips.

"f-fuck you squeeze–aahh!–me s-sso tight baby." he says head thrown back in the bliss of your cunt sucking him so deep that he knows he'll cum soon.

"I l-love u! f-fuck! love you so much!" you cry, snapping your hips back down on him as you ride out your orgasm.

and that's all it takes for him to crumble. he's whining your name as he shoots his load deep in you with trembling hands. when he's ridden his high out, he scoops you up in his arms and kisses you, proclaiming his love every time your lips part.

moonlight sprinkles on you once more as he cleans you up, being gentle with you. the drowsy smile you wear has his heart swelling in his chest as he picks you up bridal style to bring you back to bed. you snuggle into his chest as he wraps his arms around you under your covers and draws figures into your plush skin with his thumb.

"I love you," he confesses and smiles when he hears you say the same into his chest.

[mrs-elsie-barnes]

December Reading List

As always, read at your own discretion. If you enjoyed a fic please show the writer some love with a reblog and a comment!

Festive fic recs can be found here.

🔥 = smut!

Azriel

Forgotten by @sarahs-library

Moonsong by @draemgal

Slow Hands @readychilledwine

The Only One by @shadowdaddies 🔥

Bucky Barnes

Come Dance With Me by @crazyunsexycool

Lumberjack Bucky by @sebstanwhore

Lumberjack in Love by @jobean12-blog

Mint by @buckets-and-trees 🔥

Safe and Sound by @witchywithwhiskey

You Lost The Game by @mollygetssherlockcoffee 🔥

Feysand

Shimmering/Shattered by @whisperingmidnights 🔥(poly! Feysand X Reader)

Loki

Awful Things by @superficialdomina

Fairly Innocent by @mochie85 🔥

Frigga's Wedding Gift by @lokisgoodgirl

Frozen Stiff by @simplyholl 🔥

Lessons Learnt by @lokiisdaddyblog 🔥

Like You Hate Me by @wheredafandomat 🔥

Million Dollar Man by @st4rymoon 🔥

My Girl by @lokisgoodgirl 🔥

Thick and Thin by @loki-is-daddy

Unraveled by @cleo-fox 🔥

Until Next Time by @sarahscribbles 🔥

Original Characters

Orc Boyfriend Ask by @werecreature-addicted 🔥

Poly Ships

Always Ours by @leafsandstarlight (Nesta x Cassian x Azriel x Reader)

Fours Company by @readychilledwine (Azriel x OC, Nessian, Feysand & every combo in between!) 🔥

Payback by @leafsandstarlight 🔥(Rhys x Azriel x Cassian x Reader)

Three Wishes by @tsunami-of-tears 🔥(Bat Boys x Reader)

Rowaelin

Stay Still by @throneofsapphics 🔥

Rowan Whitethorn

Playing With Pain by @throneofsapphics 🔥

SamBucky

A Good Fit by @siancore

Deal With It by @duckybarnes1917 🔥(Sam x Bucky X Reader)

Steve Rogers

Put On A Show by @witchywithwhiskey 🔥

[smellystars]

A little lactose

You are a regular at this small boba shop. You go at least three times a week to feed your sugar addiction but also to enjoy the view of this hot guy that’s always there. This day was no different and other, you walk in order your boba and wait on the side. As you’re just scrolling on your phone the same hot guy walks up to the counter orders and stands to the side as well. You can help but stare at until you make eye contact and he flashes you a smile that gets your heart racing.

Your order was soon called, you get it from the counter and walk to a seat to enjoy your drink. Not too long after you hear the man’s order called, “boba for Kou!” the service says. His name is Kou, you thought to your eyes following him as he walks to a bench at the front of the store, sits and begins to sipping his drink. After a few sips you see Kou looking confused at his drink and asks the employee if he had put milk in his boba to which the employee apologizes and ask if he would like a refund. Kou then says no as he continues to soo his drink with a very mischievous grin on his face. You wonder why his is grinning until a horrible smell invades your nostrils. “What is that smell? “ is all you hear the other patrons asking as it wafts throughout the whole shop. Some gagging, others coughing uncontrollably. The employee at the counter went into the back to escape the horrid odor but it was everywhere. You look back at Kou still sitting in the same position still sipping his drink trying not to laugh. “How can he continue to drink during all of this?”was all you thought until you heard a light constant hiss coming from his direction.

Hhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssss

You just started as that constant hissing kept going for three minutes uninterrupted. Then a loud growl was heard. “Damn thought I could keep them silent, oh well” Kou says as he leans to the side.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

A tsunami of gas exits Kou’s ass, filling the already rotten shop with a smell that could rival multiple sewage plants. His shorts burned leaving his ass now exposed. You watched as the people already coughing and having pass out from the lack of fresh air. The plants in the shop wilt, the bench Kou sitting on turning black, burning from the extreme heat leaving his ass. The intense heat cracking the windows as the horrible gas seeped through the cracks making its way into the surrounding area. You continue watching, you eyes turning red and watering from the hurricane Kou kept unleashing.

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Kou’s 10 minute storm has come to an end. The people in the shop unconscious, plants wilted, napkins and the bench burned to a crisp. Kou stands up, wafting the back of his pants, “damn another pair of shorts ruined.” You continue to stare slack jawed at what the hottest man you’ve ever seen has done. Kou walks up to you wearing that same charming smile that had your heart skip a beat and says, “happy you didn’t faint, I had my eye on you for a bit”. You didn’t answer and just continued staring, Kou grabs your phone and puts his number in . Afterwards walking out the door, down the street seeing the aftermath. Many people further into the city passed out in the streets, trees and plants completely dead. Not even animals were safe as they are on the floor unconscious. You walk out the shop to watch Kou strutting down the street each cheeks jiggling with every step, proud of his little accident.

[nerdy-frog98]

Okay, so I just finished my first watch of s2 of 9-1-1, and here are my overall thoughts:

- So Abby just completely disappeared? No decency to tell Buck they were over? No wonder I’d never really heard about her.

- I’ve only known Eddie for one season but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone and then myself.

- Guys, when I’d heard about the Buck and Eddie ship, I’d expected subtle queer coding, not blatant flirting…? The times they interacted this season were charged with sexual energy, what do you MEAN some people don’t see it?? I guess if you see that shit for seasons and then nothing ever happens about it, I can see why people would complain of blatant queerbaiting.

- in kind of the same point as the last… Buck and Eddie don’t really seem like best friends yet (because their interactions are few and far between, and when they do interact, it’s laden with sexual tension), but I ADORE how much Buck already seems to care for Christopher. I know there is much more to come, but it’s cute seeing them in the early days.

- The threads for Buck’s bisexuality have been there from the beginning btw, said as someone who knows very little about what the plans were. If the intention was to have Buck be a straight man, they maybe shouldn’t have had him connect with basically every gay person he meets & then stare at boys like that.

- The character development happening with every single one of the characters is soooo satisfying. This show is addictive. My fav character is definitely still Buck, but Hen is a very close second.

- I love Maddie so much, and her story is very heartbreaking. Mildly triggering, tbh, but important.

I definitely liked this season better. The character dynamics are more natural now, storylines are getting more satisfying conclusions (though I would still love more of the stuff they mention off screen to happen ON screen), and because the season was so much longer, there were episodes that were dedicated to the backstories of the characters…which helped me connect more with them. I love every character in the 118 and I’m nervous about what’s coming (bc I know the tsunami is coming 👀)

Okay thanks for sticking with me. More later :)

[lostinvasileios]

Oh, Eosphorus...

How loving my dearest lord Lucifer is! How so easily he can make me melt under his touch as if he were the sun shining warmly and I only a ice cube beneath his rays. He touches me with such gentleness, stroking and cupping my face, caressing my skin with such utmost care and tenderness as if I were a fragile doll under his fingers. Loving and claiming each inch of me, admiring me as if I were the finest piece of art he had ever seen… How he speaks so sweetly to me, his words, they swallow me like a tsunami to land yet I cannot help but allow the water to overcome me and let myself sink into his seas of devotion and intoxicating essence. How lacy are his kisses! Oh, as plush as pillows are his lips and as soft as silk is it when they press against me. I long for him to paint me with his love, recreate me from once something so full of hurt and doubt into a glorious masterpiece of the ages. How I wear his claim over me with pride, how I wish to yell out and tell everyone who'll listen my extravagant love story with him. How branded I am of him!

My interstellar lord, my magnificent supernova, my perfect silence and never-land love, how I breathe for you! Drinking your smile in, tracing the intricate lines of your eyes, detailing every differentiating hue and color correspondence. How I have sculpted the shape of your fingertips into my heart, how I have spoken your language of fulfillment and truly felt what it means to blink, what it means to feel the rhythm of my heart within my chest, how it feels like to hold my tongue to the roof of my mouth and to feel the wondrous wisp of air that escapes me with each declaration of love I have to offer you.

Coat me in you, my lord. Allow me your permanent scent to be stuck within my nose, the sound of your voice to serenade me throughout my days and to feel your arms of illuminating fire to envelope me as a never opening card. Enclose me in you, my dearest lord. What more could I ever dream of other than to be glued to you with the honeyed love we share at all times? Oh a drug you are, my lord! An addiction you are, yet of the purest of forms.

Addiction in your smile, addiction in your eyes, addiction in your voice, addiction in your smell, my lord, how could I not wish to study you as if you were the most enriching subject to ever exist in all that has ever lived? To be known?

Like raindrops tapping to a window, like the sway of trees, like the whistle of wind and fast paced breeze, like the lap of the sea to the shore, like the crackle of a candle flame, my love, my lord, my one, I seek you in everything!

And I always find you there.

Hello again, dearest love of mine. How have you been?

[sussyscurryscorpio]

Scorpio Placement Observations

(This picture doesn't belong to me in any way) (I just typed whatever I've observed in people around me, so please take only what resonates) (Also, these may apply to 8th house placements too. Tell me if it does)

SCORPIO MOON:

~Every time you're happy, you just can't help but think, "How long until it all crashes down?" It's like you invent your own problems, when there aren't any, and suffer in it until you think hard about what you're crying about and its bleh-bloh-bluh. Nothing.

~"Fuck, I don't even know whatever the hell I am crying about. It's just I want to cry. I feel so down". Then, you get sad about being sad all the damn time and ugh, it's the feedback loop from hell. (Subtle art of not giving a fuck- Mark Manson)

~Having this placement is like your own mind being your worst enemy. You, often, might find it hard to control the negative self talk inside your head. You might even picture, like the three people who shouldn't even matter saying harsh shit to you. Those are not real people, mate. That is your own mind.

~Even if everything in your life is going just fine, it'll keep reminding you how your past sadness felt like. It'll make you cry even if your life is perfect. (If you can call it that) It'll make you addicted to that dropping of your heart, chaos in your head, swirling tsunami of emotions inside you.

~I don't know why but this, of all planets, is the worst debilitated placement. Like your mind is what stays with you all the damn time. This doesn't make your mind weak, it just pushes it to overthink about even the tiniest of shits.

~I don't know if I am exaggerating at this point, but you might find it hard to shut your thoughts. The more you try to keep everything in your head silent, the more the voices scream.

"Are your okay? Are your fine?" "NO I AM NOT, PLEASE STOP ASKING ME THAT" and still the voices in your head will keep repeating the above question.

~But, I've seen, most people who have this placement can read into what's going on in someone's head. They'll notice the tiniest of the smirks, the discreet glint in someone's eyes, the vibe of the whole damn room, that snarky tone of the nicest girl in class, everything. Even if you're a bad judge of people with this placement, you'll notice the red flags even before they show. The reason you fell for their facade is all because you ignored your gut and intuition. "Everything was pointing out how (someone) didn't have their best interest for me but god, I am such an idiot for not paying attention to it."

~To all Scorpio Moons out there, I am proud of you for making it everyday. This isn't an easy placement to have. Oh no wait, that's a rather humble way to put it. This is a challenging, hard, tough, formidable, rough, and what not placement to live with. You're doing great, bud.🤍

~And people who do astrology, 70% of them are Scorpio Moons. I've seen this here on Tumblr, on Discord. It's crazy. Stereotype of Scorpionic Moon being heavily into occult sciences.

~Aaaand. You're all very secretive. You'll come out of the bathroom crying and nobody would know you cried. It's like only you know what you feel. You know the tsunami inside and everybody else is unaware of that fact.

SCORPIO MERCURY:

~I don't know why but this happens a lot with Mercury in Scorpio that they might be joking and everything and there are people laughing. Then suddenly, they say something, not even offensive, and someone takes such an offence over what they say, they'll spoil the Scorpio Mercury's whole vibe and mood.

~Like, they were just joking one second earlier and suddenly they're literally appalled and trying to contemplate how people can twist their words into something so ugly, which they didn't even meant or thought was possible to be thought of, AT ALL.

~After that, they'll just stop speaking much with anyone and shut up. I mean, they don't open up much. They don't. Even if they do, it's a faux persona. That's not the real them. The real them is the one who tried opening up until shit happened (scenario above) and won't open up to you EVER AGAIN.

That plutonian death and rebirth. Speaking your heart, getting hurt by people's reaction, ghosting everyone.

~Oh and this placement doesn't make you a loner. At all. Scorpio Mercury people have, generally, delivered me the juiciest gossip around, Or they don't know anybody's name except their one friend.

One, extremely social Leo Rising with Scorpio Mercury friend of mine knows every shit going around the school. Who fucked who, where, when and how long. He knows everything. He's the go-to person for supplying gossip (and vape?)

And then my extremely introverted Taurus Rising with Scorpio Mercury bestie, doesn't know anybody's name except me, her boyfriend, and our 2 other friends. I'll tell her how this girl screwed around her bestie's boyfriend and 10 minutes later, I'll show her, "Look, that's the bitch" and she'll be like "What bitch? Who are we talking about?" ... I didn't go to school for a month and asked her for gossip and the only thing she came to know was what I already knew 2 months earlier and I DID TELL HER THEN, but she forgot. Pfft.

~Ah shit, I forgot. You are splendid writers. The way you write those raw emotions, fuck, I'm scarred already. It's like beautiful and heart breaking at the same time.

~And you all cuss a lot. It's fun though, ain't it?

~Also, you're just as secretive, aren't you? Your emotions are just for you and your writings to feel.

SCORPIO VENUS

~I mean. Step on me already, please. How are you so hot? Even if you are super possessive of your lover and possibly want to kill the guy they were laughing with 5 minutes ago, I love you, Scorpio Venus.

~I haven't met many Scorpio Venus people honestly. I wish I had. But so many celebrities have this in their sidereal charts and man, they're goddamm gorgeous. Katy Perry, Billie Eilish, Kendall Jenner, Sarah Hyland, Alexa Demie, Nina Dobrev, Rita Ora, and so many more. Look at them closely, they aren't just gorgeous or beautiful, they have an intense look on them. Masters of Siren eyes. Their faces have a kinda shadowy look, you know. Oh and this is in Sidereal, not tropical. (Legit had to calculate everyone's chart one by one 'cause google got no shit)

~No hate to Tropical, you all. It's just I prefer Sidereal for certain reasons. More so now that I know that Leonardo Dicaprio is a Scorpio Venus in Tropical and no way is that happening. (He's got a fkn Libra Stellium of Sun, Venus, Mars, Mercury and maybe even Moon in Sidereal and I'm drooling)

~So, back to Scorpio Venus. I haven't really noticed Scorpio Venus having commitment issues generally? I mean if you have, that's absolutely fine. It's just what I've noticed in my conversations with a few Scorpio Venuses.

~They define passion. Maybe I'm stereotyping, but come on, Scorpio is ruled by Mars (Or Pluto) There's got to be some passion. Or a lot of passion rather. Mhmm. Don't give me those bedroom eyes, I'll submit to you, Master.

~Jokes aside. I gotta ask you this. Scorpio Venus, are you of the opinion that sex is not just for pleasure, but a divine linkage of two souls? A connection, a bond, a higher form of spiritual act in itself? Sex might not be everything, but it is very important to you if things are to work for you and your partner?

~You're not into casual relationships, fuck and fly BS, least likely to have a threesome. I've seen this with Capricorn Venuses too. They don't like sharing their loved ones at all. (Sextiles, y'know) Super Loyal Lovers- Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn. (Always)

~Oh and, wear more black. It's your color after all. Black, Purple, these shades bring out your eyes more, or your features are highlighted. And you can totally be seductive without meaning to. You don't even try, it just, its a part of you. (Envious totally)

~And please, you're definitely not extreme, or too much. Maybe for Sagittarius or Libra Venus, idk, you could be, or maybe not, since these signs take it slow and are open to experimenting more, you're absolutely perfect in the way you love. Just, take it easy sometimes too. Intensity all time isn't fun, don't you think?

~OH. Steer clear of obsessive people. Scorpio Venuses attract a crazy lot of lovers often, which are an handful ofc. And also, be conscious of jealous friends. Man, one of my friends has this and her bestie was so insecure and jealous, she went on to screw the Scorpio Venus's ex bf just to prove that she's just as pretty as her. Ugh. Petty.

~Also, please don't give so much of yourself to anyone that there's nothing left for you. You love too much and not everyone deserves it. Hook up culture ain't for you, just don't put your heart in a place where it's left to dust and forgotten.

~You're secretive too, right? Nobody would know you're in love and inside you could be doing backflips and somersaults, totally lovesick.

[uraberika]

Ok time for some silly “the og charas in victory road are around 40” headcanons

now that the first part of vicro got released, i got inspired and remembered that this was in my drafts so i decided to add some more

Kidou’s hairline is receding and he is losing his fucking mind about it. He tries every hairstyle on earth from manbuns to short buzzcuts, but nothing makes the mickey mouse ears disappear from his forehead. He finds the final and perfect solution in wearing his glasses on his head. Like wearing it all the time.

Rika becomes obsessed with skincare. She has not one wrinkle on her face (a miracle that no one understands, really) but still insists on doing it anyway.

Fudou grows up to be an emotionally well-balanced adult and I will die on this hill. After all the shit he has been through in middle school, he grows up into a troublesome teen in highschool but finds his place in the world by the time he enters adulthood. He is still sassy but he has a sort of inner confidence that none of his old teammates can match and they envy him for it. Sakuma is still insecure in his relationships, Genda still has trouble giving himself credit where credit is due and Kidou’s work-life balance is practically nonexistent and driving him up the wall but Fudou? He is okay.

Kazemaru’s new hobby is pilates and is friends with all the suburbian moms in the neighborhood. When his joints started to creak and hurt, he quit football and got into yoga and meditation, topics now he makes sure to bring up every conversation possible.

Tachimukai becomes a dog person and now has 3 dogs. Everyone thinks the dogs suit him, Haruna even remarks one time how Tachimukai himself has the look of an excited puppy sometimes. 

Tsunami, on the other hand, adopted a cat, which baffled everyone since cats hate water. The cat was bestowed upon him from one of his former roomates from college who suddenly moved abroad, and it was supposed to be a temporary solution until Tsunami found it a better owner. Whenever he is asked about his cat, Tsunami complains about the hellspawn and its latest attempts at wrecking chaos, and swears that he will take it to the shelter next week. He has been saying that for twelve years now.

Touko becomes a coffee addict as her highly stressful governamental job requires her to be alert all the time. She tried to quit it several times, always came back to it. At an Inazuma reuinion someone order her decaf coffee without her knowing, and she burst into tears as soon as she took the first sip.

Tobitaka has a small hole-in-the wall restaurant and believes himself to be in a fierce one-sided competition with the manager of the McDonalds down the street. The manager sometimes visits Tobitaka’s place for lunch, who always grumbles to his cowerkers after, how this guy is practically taunting him and flaunting his ability to steal his clientele away. The manager has no ideo about Tobitaka’s animosity towards him.

Aphrodi accepted a promotional offer once of creating his own perfume called Aphrodisiaque. The Inazuma gang teases him for it, but in truth, Aphrodi is very proud of the product and brags to all of his other acquaintances about it.

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Rough sex, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Orgasm denial, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

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Chapter 20: Is this what you wanted?

Chapter title is lyrics from "Kool-Aid"

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Darkness fell as soon as the door slammed shut behind us.

I don’t know how Oli could see anything in his hotel room when I was struggling to make out even the most basic of shapes after having been out in the bright corridor.

Where Mat just saw me be hauled off to – very obviously – be fucked.

But before I knew it I was no longer draped over Oli’s shoulder and my body had successfully connected with the mattress where he’d thrown me.

Panic washed over me like a tsunami as what just happened began to sink in, making me worry about their friendship; making me worry about Oli, and about Mat; making me worry I’ve fucked everything up beyond repair, that there’s no going back, that tonight’s sex with Oli – regardless of how badly I craved it – might put a nail in our coffin.

I heard myself hyperventilate as my eyes struggled to adjust to the room, faint washes of blue from the moonlight spilling through the large arch windows painting the room in navy and grey hues, the silhouette of the man at the end of the bed nearly completely black, with a slight sparkle hitting his eyes as his hands worked their way downwards to undo the buttons he had just buttoned not even a half hour ago, the light and excited energy he was emitting then having been snuffed out, replaced with the anger that permeated the air so thickly it was hard to breathe.

I couldn’t blame him. He had begged me multiple times to not tell him, to not torment him with the mental images of me and his best friend, yet I couldn’t help myself. I had to tell him.

“Strip.” He commanded as he shrugged out of his dress shirt, throwing it onto the floor.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” The heartbeat in my throat threatened to choke me as I pushed the words out.

He huffed out a breath, “Why? Cause we ran into Mat?”

I tried to search for the right words, the words that would convey how I felt, how worried I was, but everything sounded wrong in my head – so self centred.

“You scared he’ll figure out we’re fucking tonight? Cause I’m pretty sure that cat’s out of the bag, love.” He said with sarcasm in his voice when I didn’t respond.

“I don’t want to be the reason you two fall out.” I blurted out, wanting to correct him, wanting him to know my fears aren’t just about myself.

There was a pause as he undid his belt, his head dipped before he muttered, “You know nothing about our friendship. Strip.”

The last word was nearly growled, springing my body into action, making me pull my sweater over my head out of instinct. It was only after I threw it to the side that I realised what I was doing, that I still wasn’t sure we should be doing this – but not unsure enough to use the safeword that would put a stop to it.

“Y-you could go talk to him if you want, and we can do this after.” My words came so meek, so soft, so pathetic.

“And tell him what? That he’s been kissing the mouth I cum in?” He spat, pulling the belt out of the trousers so fast it made a whirring sound. The rage simmering under the surface, close to boiling over, “That my whore wants to fuck him?” His belt hit the wall across the room, and from the sound the buckle made on impact I’d be surprised if it didn’t leave a dent.

I shouldn’t want to do this, I should say the safeword and talk to him, but the truth was the rage made me want him more, made my core throb in anticipation, made the wetness between my legs build to an uncomfortable level.

“I never said that.” The familiar fluster was back in my voice. Predictable and uncontrollable.

I hated myself.

He shook his head as his cock sprung free from the trousers that fell to the floor.

I instinctively crept backwards when he got on the mattress and began stalking towards me, adrenaline rushing through my veins, but he was quick, grabbing my leg, pulling me towards him, holding onto me with a strength I hadn’t felt from him before.

It hit me why I needed a safeword tonight; he was done holding back. Instead it was up to me when I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Don’t you?” His hands busied themselves with undoing my jeans as I fumbled for words, not sure what to answer considering the attraction I felt for Mat. My hands reached for his in an attempt to slow us down, but he slapped them away. My vision had adjusted enough to the darkness that I could see the anger crystal clear in Oli’s eyes; he was fuming, but also clearly in agony, overcome with jealousy.

All I could do was open and close my mouth, speechless, as he peeled my jeans off of me.

“What is it, love? You want my blessing to fuck my best friend?” The jeans were thrown with the same intensity as all the other garments, the close proximity of the rage flooding me with yet another rush of adrenaline.

I shook my head, “N-no.”

His eyes fell to the underwear I was still wearing after my date with Mat. I had completely forgotten to take them off before coming over, being too busy panicking over talking to Oli about everything that’s happened the last 24 hours.

He must have seen the panic in my eyes, his gaze growing even darker as he yanked them off of me.

“You shouldn’t have told me any of this.” He muttered as he spread my legs, crawling between them, crawling on top of me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered as his hair tickled my face, the sex I was trying to postpone having become imminent as I knew I couldn’t bring myself to actually stop it. His otherwise hazel eyes like blue flames in the moonlit room, only inches from mine, both intense with emotion yet somehow dead and void of them at the same time.

“Shut up, Alice.” Is all he said before he pushed into me carelessly, painfully, making me cry out as he buried himself inside me deep enough that our hips connected in one hard thrust.

My world was spinning, my heart racing, and my breath catching, but through the cloud of overwhelming sensations I could hear his uneven breaths joining mine, feel the heat from the puffs of air leaving his mouth against my shoulder, through the mesh fabric of my crop top as his head had fallen forward, his soft locks pushing into my face, obscuring some of my vision.

Fleetingly I wondered if whatever magic scent he always emitted came from a hair product, as I was suddenly flooded by it, my nerves inexplicitly soothed by the calming aroma.

But considering the situation, this was not the time for settled nerves, made very clear by the hand that appeared on my collarbone, holding me firmly, possessively, in place as he pushed himself up, staring intensely at me under heavy eyelids.

The hand holding me in place followed the curve of my neck to my shoulder, the corners of his lips twisting into a sadistic smile as his grip tightened, pushing me down harder onto his cock, effectively pinning me against him.

Excitement and fear exploded in my chest as I realised I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to, knowing he wants to hurt me, torture me, and the only way out of this is one single word in the entire English language.

With that knowledge I couldn’t help but feel curiosity, making me want to explore my options, to try and escape just to see what would happen.

“Get off me.” I whispered shyly, testing the waters.

He huffed out a laugh that made his dick tense inside me, amused by my pathetic attempt, followed by his less busy hand grabbing the hem of my top along with my bra, and yanking it upwards to free one of my breasts with a bounce.

I yelped, still not accustomed to him using his full strength while handling me.

“Stop.” I said with a bit more authority.

But he completely ignored it, instead he wrapped his fingers around my nipple, causing my eyes to widen, knowing how sensitive my nipples are, knowing how easy it is to inflict pain upon them.

“Wait, no, wait–”

“This will hurt.” He said with a massive grin before his fingers dug into my shoulder even more, and he pinched my nipple, twisting it as he went.

I screamed, trying to push him off of me but he was immovable. I could hear him laughing as the searing pain shot through me like lightning.

“No, no, no, no, please!” I begged, trying to materialise the word that he told me to use if I needed him to ease up, and thankfully it came to me quickly, “Pink, pink, piiiink!”

While the tension on my nipple eased at the word, he was still pinching it agonisingly hard.

“Is that it, is that all you can take?” He asked, mockingly. As I looked up at his gleeful eyes, glowing with a depraved excitement, I felt the delicious high rush over me, the wonderful aftermath of having him inflict pain on me, the sweet release I’ve been craving for hours.

“Disappointing.” He added, but he didn’t seem disappointed, no, he seemed like he was having the time of his life figuring out my limits with his throbbing cock buried deep inside me, my legs folded, spread uncomfortably wide to accommodate the way he sat between them, keeping me in place, preventing me from wriggling out of his grasp.

I released a sigh as he let go of my nipple in order to spit in his hand, but it returned to pinching immediately, this time the added wetness causing a burning sensation on the very sore flesh there. His eyelids grew heavier along with his breathing as he watched my face twist in pain. I inhaled sharply as he applied further pressure, his length inside me periodically twitching, tensing, throbbing, letting me know how much he was getting off on this despite not actually fucking me yet.

“Let’s try again, shall we?”

My eyes widened as his grin turned sinister once more. 

While he didn’t pinch and twist with as much strength as before, I still screamed. I tried to pull his hand off of me, I clawed and shoved at him, but nothing worked, he just laughed as I writhed on his cock from all my thrashing around. Yet I was intent on not using the safeword, or telling him to ease up. Instead I wanted to fight him in earnest, to push myself, to push him, to see where both our limits actually are.

It wasn’t until I dug my nails into his arm so deep that I might have drawn blood that he stopped pinching me, only to slap me across my face, my head snapping to the side from the impact. My hand instinctively reached for my burning cheek but he slapped that away too before grabbing my chin to yank me back into his vision.

I was expecting to see rage on him, but was instead met with glazed over, hungry eyes that looked like they were about to eat me alive as he was hovering over me again, close to my face.

His grip on me changed, shifted, taking hold of my hip as his other hand pushed behind my neck to hold my head still, keeping his intense eyes on mine as he started moving inside me.

So many parts of me were stinging and burning, making me feel high as a kite while the waves of pleasure rushed me with each pounding thrust. 

My moans came heavy, louder than usual.

Suddenly he held me closer against him, rolling onto his back, leaving me to sit on top of him, straddling him. The hand on my neck lacing into my hair, pulling me in for a desperate kiss that nearly brought the tears back to my eyes, the fingers that had been digging into my hips caressed over the sore skin of my ass that he’d been working on while carrying me from the rooftop. 

I flinched from the burning touch.

He pulled my head away from his lips to hold me at an awkward, uncomfortable angle. I looked down at the man inside me, below me, a confusing mix of anger and wonder emitting from him as he studied my features. His lips parted, panting, glistening from our kiss. Burning eyes and wild hair painting dark swirls on the light pillow underneath him.

The fiery eyes turned dark again right before more pain was inflicted on my ass. A loud slap echoed through the room, only filled with our laboured breathing a moment ago, now filled with my cries of pain as I fumbled to keep my weight on my arms so I wouldn’t just be held up by my hair.

The fingers on my behind dug into the soft, extremely sore skin there, clutching my cheek in order to move me on him. I felt an overwhelming mixture of pain and pleasure that nearly made me give in; nearly made me tell him to ease up on me, or even consider saying the safeword. My whimpers telling the story of my emotions to perfection, I could barely distinguish myself whether the sounds spilling from my mouth were that of ecstasy or agony.

Meanwhile the lazy, sinister smile on Oli was conveying that this is exactly how he wanted me.

An even louder slap echoed all around us and I heard a strangled moan leave me.

“P-pink.” I whispered, stuttered, as he laughed at my suffering, digging his nails back into me, moving me on him faster as I struggled to keep my weight on my shaking arms. Wave upon wave of pleasure washed over me as the adrenaline from the pain filled me, the cock inside me was hitting all the right spots from this angle, my clit grinding on his pubic bone with each movement.

“I used to daydream about this, about torturing you,” His words came so deep he sounded demonic, “your flushed, tear stained cheeks.”

Another slap, a bit lighter this time, but I still produced a similar moan, the skin so sore I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sit tomorrow. Instantly more waves of pleasure came as the immediate pain subsided.

His words made me realise I could feel the warm liquid run down my face, I hadn’t noticed I’d started crying again. As with everything else, I couldn’t tell if it was from bliss or distress, or maybe simply from being overwhelmed, but I could feel my orgasm build, and build because of the same emotion that had caused it.

“You’re stunning like this.” Another slap, he let go of my hair this time, letting me fall forward onto him, onto his warm, ink covered chest, “My perfect whore.” He said into my hair as my moans came louder, faster, matching how he was moving me on him.

“Does it feel good, love?”

Slap.

I trembled, my moans and whimpers coming broken with my hitching breaths.

“Y–yes.” I answered once the majority of the stinging sensation settled.

I realised he was also shaking as he ground me down on him harder, in longer strokes.

Slap.

This time he groaned alongside my cries.

“Are you close?” From the way he asked it, I assumed he was close as well.

“Very.” I whimpered.

His fingers shoved back into my hair, pulling me back into his vision. His eyes glazed over, studying me with a pained expression, baring his teeth slightly as he started pumping me harder.

Slap.

Euphoria shifted his features as I cried out in pain, but as soon as the worst of it faded I felt myself melt against him, my climax so close I could taste it.

He must have seen it on me because his eyes widened with excitement, and right as my orgasm started he threw me off of him. I landed with a thud on the mattress next to him, disoriented and empty.

“No– wait, p-please–” I reached for my pussy to try and salvage what was left of my orgasm, so it wouldn’t be completely ruined, but he was already there, grabbing my wrist as his other hand held my chin.

For a moment I felt as if Oli was no longer here when I looked up at the man above me, as if he’d been replaced by some vicious animal intent on tearing me apart, the vision so shocking I abandoned any attempts to save my climax.

“On the floor.” He said with an eerie calmness, letting go of me entirely, “kneel.”

I instantly obeyed, my limbs feeling like jelly as I fumbled to get on my knees for him.

He shuffled, positioning himself to sit at the end of the bed, fingers shoving back into my hair as he worked his cock over my face.

“The only way you get to cum tonight, is if you say the safeword.” He watched me frown as he said it, feeling torn, wanting the cum. But I had made it this far without tapping out, enjoying his games, and I didn’t want to stop now, “Otherwise, I will make sure you don’t touch yourself until you fall asleep.” The corners of his panting mouth tugged as he implied that I’d sleep here.

An involuntary smile bloomed on my lips through my hazy state. 

Which settled it, I wasn’t going to have an orgasm tonight.

“Pinch your nipple for me, love. Let me watch you suffer a bit more.” His words came ragged, clearly close to the edge.

I did as he requested, pinching significantly, much less than he had, suddenly scared of the pain when it was self inflicted.

“Harder.” He growled.

I don’t know if it was his aggression, the pain, or the ruined orgasm, but my core began throbbing deeply as I applied more pressure to my nipple, his eyes glazing over, his movements coming jerky as I whimpered.

“Open your mouth.” He breathed, the cum already spilling from his length as my lips parted for him.

He pushed my head down on him, the cum threatening to make me gag as he shot down my throat, releasing the pressure just in time to avoid it. With both his hands in my hair, holding me passionately as he moaned, the delectable liquid filling my mouth with each shot, his cock tensing in waves against my tongue, driving me wild.

When he was done he released me and I collapsed to the floor, swallowing his load.

The sound of both our heavy breaths filling the air. My gaze settled on him, his eyes towards the ceiling, his cock still bobbing as his head came back up, his hair shifting, falling over his face in order to look down on me with a relaxed grin.

He looked so happy, content.

Sadly it only lasted a moment, his features twisting to something more bitter as he watched me on the floor, as if he sobered up, remembering why we were doing this in the first place.

I watched him get up, walk over to his luggage in the corner and crouch down before it. I sat up, suddenly uncomfortable, the thick sexual tension having left the air much quicker than usual. The sound of a lighter could be heard as he stood back up, puffs of smoke surrounding him while he walked back to the bed, throwing himself onto the mattress. I could smell the familiar scent of cigarette smoke as he walked past me, having smoked for a long time and only quitting a couple of years ago.

“Come here, love.” His words were tender, loving.

I pushed myself up on my unsteady legs, my aching body struggling to stay upright. 

Deciding to slip out of my mangled top and bra before getting into bed with him, I nearly lost balance, but I successfully completed my task and made it the to the bed where Oli proceeded to nestle me up against him, kissing the top of my head as I wrapped my arm around his chest.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t.” He responded casually, “Not anymore, just when I’m tense.”

He took another long drag and I watched the ember turn bright orange in his hand before he exhaled, releasing a cloud that was tinted blue with the rest of the room.

I reached out and took the cigarette off of him, inhaling deeply, also feeling rather tense.

“I won’t see Mat anymore.” I said after I handed the cigarette back to him.

He huffed out a breath, shaking his head, “No, I’m not doing that again, I’ve seen how that ends. Do whatever it is you need to do so you can be sure who you want.”

Realisation hit me like a ton of bricks.

I pushed myself up on my elbow to look at him.

“When you said your ex cheated with an old friend…”

“Was wondering if you’d ever piece that together,” He gave me a dejected smile, “Guess I made it a bit obvious just now though, didn’t I?”

I stared at him, confused, wondering why he remained such close friends with Mat after what happened, after his ex had cheated with him.

My forehead knotted into a frown as I searched for the words to ask for clarification, to learn more, but I didn’t know how to approach the delicate topic.

“Why are you still friends with him?”

Such a dumb question, phrased so poorly, so bluntly. I wish I could take it back, but my brain clearly didn’t work after the sex we just had.

It was his turn to frown.

“I mean– beyond the obvious, I know you’re in a band together–” I continued before he cut me off.

“Honestly Alice, it’s not that bloody simple is it?” He said with a sigh, moreso defeated sounding than annoyed. Taking one last drag off the cigarette, he reached over to the nightstand and dropped it into the glass of water resting there, putting the ember out with a hissing noise.

His head hit the pillow again with yet another sigh, sad eyes meeting mine.

“Her name was Fay.”

While I really wanted to hear this story, I didn’t want to contribute to more distress tonight, not after we already had sex – not after we’d already done the thing that should help ease our suffering.

“Oli, you don’t have to–”

“Would you rather not know?” A genuine question, asked calmly, seriously.

“I, I do, a lot actually, but–”

“Then let me tell you.” There was a pained confusion on his features as he spoke the gentle words, pleading to let him vocalise his thoughts to me. 

My frown melted away.

“Okay.” I answered softly.

“Her name was Fay.” He started his story again, “She was a good friend of Mat for years. I always enjoyed her company – very wild spirited, would always get us into trouble – but I was never close with her… Well, not until Mat started dating her, and suddenly she was always around.” He laughed nervously, his eyes roaming towards the ceiling as he continued speaking, “I felt like a piece of shit, I would stay up late with her a lot of nights, just chatting each other's ears off, I didn’t even realise I was falling for her until it was too late.”

His arm around me held me closer, caressing me lovingly as he was lost in telling his story.

“It wasn’t unusual though, we’d fallen for each other's girls so many times over the years we pretty much had a protocol for it. As soon as I realised, I told Mat, and we both knew it just meant I should stop hanging out with her alone. Which I did.”

He sighed deeply, “Problem is, Fay does whatever the fuck she wants. She sussed out pretty quickly that I had feelings for her, confronted me, told me she felt the same, told me she’d planned to break up with Mat because of it.”

Glowing eyes shot back to mine, “Not a nice feeling that, so fucking torn between being happy that she felt the same for me, but knowing I can’t allow myself to be with her – also knowing that I’m the only reason they’re breaking up. It’s just a shit show.”

Shaking his head his gaze returned to the ceiling, “Next day Mat told me they broke up, and to my surprise he practically begged me to date her, telling me that we both deserved to be happy, that he’ll get over it, that I was always the better match for Fay anyway. I thought it was nonsense, the proclamations of a heartbroken man, feeling down on himself. I didn’t even consider it until months later when Mat had managed to mend his friendship with her, and everything seemed alright with him again. Then it suddenly got too tempting. In hindsight I should never have acted on it, but we ended up dating for almost a year… I was gonna ask her to marry me. It wasn’t until right before it all blew up that Mat came to me, telling me he fucked up, confessing the feelings for her had resurfaced, telling me she’d been flirting with him too. The jealous twat I am, I instantly confronted Fay; she didn’t deny it, she told me she felt blessed for not only having one soulmate, but two… My heart just shattered.”

Oli’s arm around me had tensed up, the gentle caresses having come to a stop.

Vulnerable eyes flickered to mine before he continued, speaking more thoughtfully.

“She stayed with Mat that night, was at a shared accommodation, I actually caught her leaving his room in the early hours of the morning. I’d stayed outside all night, couldn’t be in the same room as her, not after what she told me – I needed some time. I just sat staring at the beach for hours while they fucked I guess.”

My heart ached for him, leaving me intent on not seeing Mat anymore. Leaving a bad taste in my mouth when it came to Mat in general. I couldn’t believe he would sleep with someone his best friend had been dating for so long, and was so committed to, especially so quickly, regardless of their history.

“This is when I learned what a liar Fay was. She’d told Mat that we’d broken up already, that she felt nothing for me, that she regretted leaving him, and so on.”

“But how could he sleep with her without even talking to you first?”

He gave me a guilty smile, “So, there may have been one small detail I left out.”

I squinted at him, “Go on.”

“I may have slept with his ex too.” My eyes widened in surprise as the guilt on his face intensified, “A couple of them actually.”

I felt my features twist into disbelief, “What?”

“To be fair, he’s slept with a fair few of mine as well.”

I was stunned, confused about their entire friendship.

“We’re both lovesick fools who can’t seem to resist the same women a lot of the time, and while most of it was in our teens and early twenties, it’s happened in more recent years too, just very rarely. We made a point of steering clear of it, to prevent more heartache for both of us.”

“Again, why are you two still friends?” I asked, shaking my head, my original, blunt question, suddenly seeming perfectly appropriate.

He let out a long breath, “He’s my best mate, it just always felt like we didn’t want any birds to get between that, despite this shit happening repeatedly. And to be honest with you, Fay was different for many reasons. I’d never felt quite like that for anyone before her. For better and for worse. She had a way of making you get completely lost in the moment when you were with her, you’d buy whatever lies she sold you. So I can’t even blame Mat, if he’s anything like me – which when it comes to these types of things he sure seems to be – I get why he couldn’t turn her down.”

While not being able to relate to his situation at all, a level of understanding began to surface as he explained.

“I’d never seen him so destroyed afterwards though, I think he’d done anything to set it right. He actually had me move in with him for a while, when I relapsed, to look after me. I’ve cried in the arms of that man more than I care to admit.”

Silence fell for a moment as he stared off into space. My hand began mindlessly trailing his chest which seemed to have pulled him out of whatever thought he was preoccupied with, as he inhaled and began caressing my back again.

“Neither of us talked to Fay ever again, haven’t even said her name in each other's company.”

Thoughtful eyes met mine, the moonlight extenuating his features from this angle, highlighting all the contrast the man next to me has to offer; the sweet and gentle eyes, so easy to get lost in, set in a face filled with strong edges, high cheekbones and inkwork, yet framed by wild locks of hair that should make him look messy, rough, but only added a playful charm to him.

I hadn’t realised how intensely I’d been staring at him until he continued speaking.

“Mat’s a good man, we’ve just got a bit of an odd situation between us. If he knew I had feelings for you, I know he’d take a step back, ignore you like the plague probably after everything with Fay.”

He reached out to touch my face, stroking it tenderly before lacing his fingers into my hair, his thumb brushing my cheek with the same softness. His touch was so sweet, treating me as if I was precious in his hands, another stark contrast from earlier. I felt myself melt into his palm, craving his affection, which seemed to happen like clockwork after we had rougher sex.

“Makes things a bit tricky for me, cause I do have feelings for you.” The words were spoken under his breath, softly, lovingly. 

I swallowed, reminded of the high stakes of the situation.

“But if you end up with me I can’t be worrying about you and Mat, I can’t do that again. Which is why I just want you to get whatever you need out of your system when it comes to Mat. You’re clearly interested in him. If it’s him you’d rather be with, I don’t want to start anything proper with you.”

While I couldn’t deny that I was drawn to Mat in a multitude of ways, I already knew how I felt about the man next to me.

“That’s fair, but I already have feelings for you.”

He sucked on his teeth for a second, “So did Fay.”

“I’m not Fay.” I returned quickly.

The smile he gave me was sombre, “No, you’re not, in almost all ways you’re her polar opposite actually – except for the fact that it’s incredibly easy to get lost in the moment with you.”

Understanding the implication of his statement, I was momentarily upset by the fact that he was suggesting I’d be the type of person who cheats, but considering Oli’s history, I quickly pushed that thought aside, knowing his reasons for feeling that way had nothing to do with me.

“So you want me to… explore things with Mat?”

The tension that washed over Oli at my question was almost tangible, “For the sanity and wellbeing of all three of us, I don’t want to know what you two get up to – but please, Alice, if you decide you’re ready to become mine, then be mine.”

It was impossible to do anything but agree with Oli whenever he gave me those pleading eyes.

“Okay.” I whispered before looking away, feeling silly for asking my next question, “Can I still spend the night?”

The tension deflated from him, “Please do.”

Laying my head back on his shoulder, he immediately, eagerly, nestled me back into him, like he craved the intimacy from it just as much as I did. My limbs tangled with his, his warm and loving embrace giving me more comfort than anything I could imagine, making me feel foolish for even contemplating anything with Mat.

But considering the circumstances, it might be even more foolish of me to disregard him entirely, leaving a door open for the future.

Leaving me to wonder what could have been.

“You were incredible tonight.” He whispered into my hair before pressing his cheek to the top of my head.

Warmth spread in my chest, my lips curving into a smile, “Yeah?” “Yeah. I love the way you fought me, you’re stronger than you look.”

I huffed out a small laugh, “Oh please, I couldn’t budge you.”

“You weren’t that far off you know, and my arm’s gonna be stinging for a while.”

Knowing I was more than likely quite far off, I still enjoyed how he indulged me.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sit tomorrow.” I retorted teasingly.

I felt his features shift against my head, and from the way he spoke I could tell he was also smiling, “You love it though, don’t you?”

“Very much.”

A comfortable silence fell as I listened to his heartbeat, his steady breathing tickling my forehead. My mind wandered back to the rooftop, regret filling me, wishing I could have just enjoyed the date with him like a normal person.

“I’m sorry for ruining our date, the rooftop… No one’s ever done anything so romantic for me.”

“Not to try and bribe you or anything, but we could have a lot of nights like that, love.”

Half of me wanted that future so badly it ached, yet the other half was sounding the alarm bells, ready to run for the hills at the idea of being in another committed relationship. I knew it was an irrational fear, but I still couldn’t seem to shake the panic that came with thoughts of a future with someone.

Probably because someone very important failed to commit to me.

“You know, I also used to love watching the stars.”

His roaming hand stilled on my arm, “Used to?”

“Yeah. Of course it looked nothing like this,” I said as I gazed out the window, at the starlit night, “I was lucky if I could see a handful of them even when it was clear. But my dad and I would often lay on the grass in our back garden on a late evening, before I lost him.”

“I’m sorry, Alice. How old were you when he died?”

“Oh, he’s not dead. He just moved.”

“Oh.” He responded, clearly confused.

“He went to start a new family on the other side of the country when I was ten. It was like he never had me. I didn’t even get a card on my next birthday. Mum said he’d sent one, that it would be in the post any day now, but it never came. So, I haven’t talked to him since I was 14, partly because I decided I couldn’t stand being progressively forgotten anymore.”

“Fucking hell, what a prick.”

His sudden blunt words caused me to break out into laughter.

He joined with an awkward chuckle, “I’m sorry, but that’s awful though. Can I ask something?”

Slight unease crept in, already feeling vulnerable from sharing such a sore part of my past, but I wanted to push myself, to open up to him like he’d opened up for me.

“Sure.”

“Is that where the commitment issues come from?”

“I think so.” My words came softly, “I’ve only ever been in one long term relationship.”

There was a pause before he spoke, making me wonder what he was thinking, what conclusions he was coming to about me, “I see, and you said you didn’t even like him – so what made him special enough to be the only one?”

I felt myself fighting the urge to squirm, “I guess the fact that he wasn’t special at all.”

“Ah,” He started, before echoing my words that he practically forced out of me earlier in the week, “Because you’re scared of having something worth losing.”

Bingo.

“Yeah, which is why everything was so simple with him.”

Another silence fell before he spoke softly, “Am I special to you?”

I tried to push the words out, but it took me a while. I could feel him tensing beneath me, his heart rate speeding up.

“You are.” I whispered after a long moment.

More time passed, both of us clearly raking things over in our mind.

“I can’t decide if that’s wonderful or horrible.” He finally responded.

“Me neither.”

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