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#tumblr has been very good for me and also very bad for me this time around
alchemicaladarna · 1 day
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I've had a little more time to gather my thoughts after today's events, and while I do still feel sad and upset that this particular chapter has come to an end, I'm still very grateful that it happened.
I'm so grateful to all the good it has brought so many people. Helping many communities around the world unite and be able to talk to each other, breaking down language and cultural barriers just to freak out about their favorite cubitos.
I'm grateful for all the memories we made. The good and the bad. The sad and the happy. The ones where we all laughed at the silly moments and cried in the tragic ones. I'll look back on them very fondly, and I'm so glad to have been a part of the journey for most of the way.
I never thought I'd get back to watching another SMP after the dsmp ended to be honest. I was just kind of there for that server because I joined at the very end and only watched clip compilations and stuff. So when I heard Quackity was launching a server with Spanish and English speakers with some CC's who I already knew previously, I thought, huh. That's a neat concept I guess. I might not stick around for very long, but I'll check it out I think.
So I began to watch Phil's pov and vods, and I'll never forget the first time I saw an egg live- and just how their characters and stories completely captured my heart in a way that I can't even begin to explain. After that, I decided you know, I might have to stick around for a little while longer. And lo and behold, a year later, here we are.
I also admittedly didn't watch every streamer's pov so I'm not knowledgeable in every character's story, but because of you guys here on qsmpblr, I really felt like I was a part of every community when I read everyone's posts, theories, admire art, or fics people would write too.
I've switched povs a lot throughout the year and I just wanna say thank you to the Crows, Doozers, Jaiden fans (I forgot what you guys are called I'm sorry D':) and especially the Ghosties <3 for keeping me company. I genuinely feel so blessed to have interacted with all of you. Thank you for having me.
And yeah Ghosties, because of your streamer, I'm permanently stuck in that bell now so thanks a lot /j XD
To every fan, on tumblr and elsewhere, thanks for keeping this project- the characters and all the memories we made of it- alive in the fanart and fanfiction. You guys all work so hard and are so very talented too!
To every admin who was part of the project. Thank you for pouring so much love and contributing so much of yourself to the server. It wouldn't have been the same without you. Regardless of if you were a builder, an actor, a writer, etc. you made this project beyond amazing. If it weren't for you, I doubt this project would have reached the same heights that it did. Thank you for all the love, the memories, passion, and care you gave to the qsmp. You all are the best <33
A special thank you to my fellow ghosties here as well. Bad has genuinely become like, my comfort streamer this last year, and I wouldn't have discovered him if it weren't for you guys going crazy over his lore on the dash XD
Thank you everyone. Thank you admins. Thank you CC's . Thank you everybody. This was a wonderful experience and I hope this won't be the last.
This place will always hold a special place in my heart but for now...obrigada, merci, gracias, and buenas noches everyone <333
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stuckinapril · 4 months
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i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????
#this blog always had a focus on social science and detangling feelings and experiences. like it's basically been serving as my diary#bc this blog has always been my main outlet for it. i hate talking feelings to anyone irl. it's a bad habit but i hate it#so it was a game changer and helped me grow up sooo much. esp supplemented w other people's experiences.#being raised by a stoic engineer mother who's very much warm but also not very good at feelings at times has caused me to suppress SO much#compounded w being the eldest daughter. like that is a damning sentence in and of itself#tumblr just gave me an outlet for stuff like this. and every social media is essentially a highlight reel of ppl's best moments.#tumblr is the opposite. i've always loved that too whether it was in the form of humor or more earnest posts#could i work through my own issues by myself? yes probably#and my blog will always have that facet even if i get a therapist#but a therapist's input. just a professional's input. will expedite a lot of improvement for me i think#this has been a critical time period for me anyway bc i'm budgeting my whole schedule for once vs being handheld by uni deadlines#and it's just gonna keep getting more and more intense from here bc i'm truly pushing my comfort zone more than ever before#it just feels like the right call even tho i'm lowkey nervous ab it bc i HATE talking feelings in person.#this therapist will not fall for my trying to deflect by asking her about her life. which. usually works on my friends <3#we will see. a therapy arc is coming very soon basically#p
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simgerale · 2 months
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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aq2003 · 8 months
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there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"
#ARE THEY STUPID!#dr who#this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao#m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle#until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head#bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such'#cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad.#i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but#first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE#two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her#or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine#Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this#went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING#THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.?????#you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce#ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues'#funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this#absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that#flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system#bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol#tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving#martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2#if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime#together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth#as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character#shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons#why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings)#if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation#ten and martha#aspec doc tag
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mothbeasts · 5 months
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happy fabricator friday. time for me to post fabbylaris content okay?? obligatory these are all my personal headcanons and some of it has little to no basis in actual canon, it's mostly just me expanding on things I think make sense. with that out of the way.
I think, in theory, that Solaris is one of the very few people who could convince the Fabricator to leave Zoraxis. If not the only one. I doubt the Fabricator has many outside support systems, and while she could turn to the Agency for help... I doubt it'd go well for her.
So that leaves Solaris. Someone she worked closely with for years. Half a decade, at the very least. It would be incredibly difficult for her to get away with the amount of loyalty to Zor she has, and the manipulation she has to have experienced, and the fear for her life... But Solaris leaving might have planted the seeds of doubt in her mind. There's nobody she trusts more, despite the rocky start their relationship had.
I like to think that Solaris was the first person in over a decade, besides Zor, to actually... Interact with the Fabricator in a generally positive way. Solaris never belittled her, or talked down at her, or made her feel like she wasn't worthy of her rank... Because despite her prominence in Zoraxis, I don't think the Fabricator truly has a seat at the table. And this isn't really new to her, she's far too accustomed to being looked down on, but... It stings. With Solaris, though, she's finally someone's equal. There's mutual respect. It's nice, being appreciated...
So of course if she wanted to leave she would seek out the one person who might not turn her away. What else would she have?
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saw a post yesterday that gad a zionist (? didn't see if there was an org associated with it or not, there was a magen david in the background) sticker over a red palm print for missing and murdered indigenous women with an -understandably- disgruntled remark
and i was thinking about it on the bus today. and i would gently like to remind everyone. that while these things are possible and even probable, we know the extent to which zionism has poisoned people's minds and morality, that there is also a long history of white supremacists faking extremism in order to delegitimize civil rights movements (proud boys and/or cops breaking windows, white supremacists throwing paint on statues of "decent" historical figures, to name a few examples from just a few years ago) and that it's incredibly easy to allow this sort of thing to wash over us uncritically because it confirms our bias and our (rightful!) anger. but that is when we are most vulnerable to propoganda and indoctrination so we need to be most vigilant.
nd i'm not saying the particular circumstance i saw was fake -- i have no proof either way. we've seen time and time again that reality can be this absurd, that zionists can be that cruel and tone deaf. however there is a difference between it coming straight from netanyahu's mouth vs seeing a sticker out of context that just as easily could have been placed by a nazi
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barkingangelbaby · 4 months
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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nomaishuttle · 9 months
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the way i balance staying true to my tumblrina nature while also having a job and bills and rent is that at work while cleaning a room ill think of something id like to post and then repeat it over and over in my head and refine it until it sounds right and then i either post it as soon as i get a second to Or i forget it bc i think of anew post to make. and they always get 0 notes but its ok
#not a lot to post abt in a retirement home. its like yep this room is exactly the same as it was last week and the week before as well.#2day we mughtve had a missing resident idk. i also fink i saw her like 2 seconds b4 she went missing so im sure they found her#i was just sitting in the lunch room Seething and Coping ( iwas 40 minutes behind and had just found out i had an extra room on top of that#btw i didnt get out until 4:30. my shift ends at 330 but my ride leaves at 4 and due to The crisis my boss said i can stay clocked in until#4 so that i can do liberty and get overtime et cetera. whats hard is sometimes when i say et cetera i want you to read it as et cetera but#other times i want you to read it as E.T. cetera. but what can you do.#anyways where was i. right i was in the lunchroom oh also my ride didnt leave without me bc marians my bestie. anyways. i was in the break#room idk why i keep calling it the lunchroom im not a highschooler. its a breakroom we just sometimes eat lunch in there when im not outsid#or hiding in Closet <3333333333#aaaanyways what was i talking abt. a good thing abt desktop tumblr is that i can read through all the tags so far#mobile its like a whole debacle basically. idr how but its like. whatever ider what i was talking about hold on#oh right. so i was in the break room and there was a nurse in there and on the walkie (they all have walkies. brenda also has one) i heard#someone go Sooo 245 wasnt in her room and she wasnt in the cafeteria :worried: im gonna look around 2nd but keep an eye out..#and then like a minute later that nurse got up and quickly left idk if she got a different message bc i was listening to starstruck by sorr#and trying to figure out how expensive (indian restaurant) is. the answer is very ughhh i just wanted butter chicken and garlic naan and#rice and that wouldve been THIRTY DOLLARSSS :sobbed: it is very very good food though#i caint get it anyway my check hasnt come in. Tee be honest i might go ahead and order it anyway once my check does come in i rly rly want#butter chicken rn. if in being honest.#also the nurse was playing like a kids cooking channel youtube video rly loudly and the guy in it was obnoxious and i was having such a bad#day i was just sitting there hunched over in a corner forehead against the counter it was diree guys.#the way i made 'yeah i overheard on one of the nurses walkies that they couldnt find a resident for a couple minutes' into a 10 paragraph#debacle. this is what i mean when i say i have to be a tumblrina do you know how dire it would be if i had a social life and went outside#somebody would be like hey how has your day been! and id make it into a 15 hour long historical reenactment. lord
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torchickentacos · 1 year
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Ooooough the torture of loving some ship tropes versus the worry that by liking them, I’m adding to the culture of ships being defined by their tropes rather than the characters within, versus the knowledge that tropes are not new nor tiktokification nor bad nor fandom specific and are an integral building block and tool of storytelling as a whole, versus the worry that by liking shipping in any capacity I’m neglecting to love stories for what they are minus romance, versus the worry that I’m so deeply online if I even know about this discourse versus the urge to just go to sleep it’s 1:30 am and none of this matters right now. Anyways bodyguard royalty ships go brrrrr :)
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hella1975 · 2 years
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my friend watched banana fish and im actually.... kinda annoyed about it
#this is SO DUMB#but basically i did all the 'guys omg NEVER watch this show' with my mates when i finished bf#while secretly hoping one of them would watch it so we could talk about it#but like genuinely the longer it goes since i finished that godforsaken anime the more it matters to me?#like 'matters to me' is a bad way of wording it bc it makes it sound like a GOOD THING#and i mean it matters to me because it is so incredibly harmful to me individually#like i really fucking projected some serious trauma in my life into that show partially bc of the time i watched banana fish#and also just bc i see a lot of myself in ash which was something i realised in episode 1#which meant i watched the ENTIRE thing aware of this just to have THAT ending happen. it was really devastating#but at the same time im aware that 80% of the reason banana fish was so sad for me#is bc of my own personal lens i watched it through#the other 20% is just the fact it's an actual sad anime#so now my friend has watched it and she's doing all the 'oh that was so sad! let's talk about it!'#and im like idk how to tell you this but i CANNOT talk about it with you like i literally cant#and for the past few months my whole 'omg NEVER watch this show' has actually been 100% serious#like i do not want my friends touching this show it's MY thing it's very personal#which is why this is such a dumb post like im literally trying to claim this anime#but it's just actually kinda invalidating to have my close irls watch it in a very casual way#it's one of those things where it's fine on tumblr bc tumblrinas GET IT bc NONE OF US are normal about our shows#but people irl are so determined to consume media in a very normal way lmao#and basically my friend is going to start making out i overreacted i just know she is#and i cannot STAND even an insinuation that im being a baby about something but i also will prove her point#if i go off on one about WHY bf is such a big deal bc i'll just look defensive#does any of this make sense#tldr: sharing media that's important to you is nice but also it's Bad and i want to Gatekeep#banana fish#probably#delete later#bc this is pathetic LMAO
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#girl i have so many teshes thoughts its INSANE#me starting with haha actually this ship has no basis i just want to Put Tesilid Through It#but over the past few months of brainrotting their dynamic is now like.#what if we were doomed from the start and there was never anything either of us could do to save the other#(not even talking about the regression but rather the stigma bearer thing and how they have no social power)#(but also the regression thing)#what if we loved each other throughout all the lifetimes but there could never be a happy ending. tragedy dogs our footsteps#what if we were 'guy who has a good head on his shoulders and recognises our low social positions and looks out for his friends in similar#predicaments' x 'guy who is way too giving and this is bad bc the world is out to get him and he loves ppl too much to care about#the danger to himself'#what if we were 'guy who is way too giving' x 'guy who wants to protect him but Cant'#doomed ships.....#swings hestio around i like you SO much. i need to put you under a microscope and in a fish tank#(statements that should not ever be viewed by people outside of tumblr)#some of my fic outlines has notes that are like 'wow if they had the transmigrators privilege this wouldnt even have been a problem'#and im suddenly very appreciative of canon#god bless canon tesilid may you be happy. not my fanfic tesilid though im making him miserable#anyway. the more i think about it the more interesting hestio's internal conflict could be#it's about being so acutely aware of how shit their lives already are that he knows having a r/s that is frowned upon would just#make things worse#also i am very much hooked by the fact that like. nowadays i keep seeing ship posts about 'killing myself in front of you to change the#trajectory of your life forever'#for teshes its the opposite. hestio is desperately trying to make sure tesilid doesnt off himself#and also its not hestio dying that changes the trajectory of tesilid's life forever it's hestio confessing#and somehow this inflicts more pain on tesilid in the long run#which is extremely funny bc for all the notes that ive written abt teshes hestio has only confessed like umm. checks notes. 3 times#1. drunk (tesilid is not in the room) 2. the world is ending#like if hestio had managed to take this to the grave like he had originally planned then this could have been avoided#but the tragedy is that tesilid lives thru this multiple times so at least ONE time hestio's going to blab and that forever changes things#crying in fic writing being stupidly hard
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carolinanadeau · 2 months
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you're talking shit for the hell of it. and we see you over there on the internet, comparing all the girls who are killing it. but we figured you out, we all know now, we all got crowns, you need to calm down. I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined. Mr. Superior Thinking... no, I don't like you. no one likes a mad woman - you made her like that. I can feel the flames on my skin. you did some bad things but I'm the worst of them. maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours. I'm shaking my head and locking the gates. this is why we can't have nice things. seeing the shape of your name still spells out pain. sometimes I wonder which one'll be your last lie. now I breathe flames each time I talk. do you still feel like you know what you're doing? because I don't think you do. all you are is mean! and a liar! and pathetic! and alone in life and mean!
and you didn't see me here.
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impostorsshow · 4 months
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Sometimes you just listen to a TikTok audio and get the need to make a post about a self destructive cycle your in only to never acknowledge the post again yknow
The song is Don't Smoke by Mitski, specifically the TikTok version is the Audiotree Live version
#pink bowtie is the only person here whos design actually represents someone#to clarify since like art is of the beholder right but i find drawing to this song specifically ironic#because i am very aware that i have a pattern of blocking people if they're nice to ms#im being the mean one here; im being mean to my newly ex friends and myself#but this time i actually tried to keep friends and my mental health has been the worst it has in years#so i guess i just need friends that are worse than i am to keep my mental health stable??#whatever its just interesting#this is also the first and hopefully the last vent art ill ever draw for a few years#vent art#vent#art#i literally JUST made a post on my other ask blog about my ibis constantly crashing#and it IS BUT i also have feelings. i can work through crashes to get my feelings out alot more than i can for silly dsaf men#the good thing about tumblr is that the people this is about this time wont ever see it since they dont have tumblr or dont follow me#the bad thing is that i DID do this like. 3 times to the sam and max community and like. thats almost all of my followers whoopsie daisy#and like “oh if theyre blocked then they wont see the post” i didnt actually block them since i like seeing their posts. from afae#i just block them every time they follow me#actually that one sam and max server would be surprised to hear that one creepy dude was the person that kept reconnecting me to the server#whatever. i need to stop editing this post for the tags and go to sleep#funny thing is my partner wont see this post despite following me. you would think a partner would care but. ig not thats okay#my partners the only person i think is better than me who i've kept around#but that might be because they dont show. any interest in anything im interested in#im so tired of being the only person to put in effort to keep the relationship alive and be interested in the things they enjoy#but i guess i also do vent to them alot; i only talk about like 10% of my life but having mental disorders will do that ig#i need to stop typing/venting and go to sleep. or at least stop listening to this damn song
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deathxproof · 8 months
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technically I get out of work early (compared to my usual schedule) tomorrow so I’m…. Hoping to get some writing done. or I could pass out as soon as I’m home from work because wake up early. who’s to say.
#ooc !#I do want to write on tumblr more I just need to. There’s been a weird anxiety hurdle recently.#a lot of overthinking about uh. kind of simple things like talking to people. planning things. replying to stuff without getting a little#anxious. and like. It’s not necessarily a bad thing ! It’s just something I know I have to work through and being here isn’t causing me-#-like. distress or anything. If anything this has actually been Really Good For Me#It just turns out that I am still bothered by some stuff in the past in fandom / rpc spaces that I didn’t realize still bothered me.#nothing that anyone can do about it. including me! I just have to feel better about interacting with other people I don’t know super well-#-again.#How surprising that living at my parents and self-isolating a lot online and irl made the act of making new friends-#-INCREDIBLY difficult and scary for me AGAIN. I used to be good at it. I think. It’s just a rough brain time esp with moving and everything#and ultimately? I’m doing so much better than I ever was before. It’s just. everything’s a lot.#the making of a new blog and writing more on discord and stuff has been good for me though#make no mistake I am SO happy to be Back I’m <33333 very excited about also being really unwell about dr who and my characters again#feels like coming back to life a bit#anyways !!!!! some fun over sharing at midnight !!!#perhaps I’m feeling insecure about myself here. but that’s fine bc I’ll work through it eventually bc I’m having fun <333#and also missed having a space away from my personal blog tbqh#this started as a post talking about writing drafts and starters.
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worstsequence · 1 year
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🤪
#i need to vent but i cant even find the Words for my feelings and its so frustrating#and i just let frustration build up and up and they always say eventually youll explode but ive been#waiting to explode for like 10 years now and never have#and im just so tired of being suicidal all the time and not being able to just Do It because i fucking hate being alive and the suicidal#stuff isnt New so it feels stupid to vent about it now Because its not new so its like why are you venting on tumblr about it now#why didnt you vent the very first day of your current episode. is months long of suicidal thoughts every day an episode. and like ive been#suicidal for over a decade but theres been breaks and i feel like i havnt had a break from it in forever and im tired and i dont wanna feel#like this everyday for the rest of my life and even if it goes away it comes back everytime and the times its not there dont feel worth the#times it is and i feel like i cant do it anymore but i also cant kms or even talk about my feelings because people will be like no dont#and i dont wanna hear that and like. whatever. ill be fine#(has been saying ill be fine for my whole life. is never fine.)#whatever! i dont matter.#i finally have a psych appointment in april but like what is that gonna do. they cant fix me its gonna be like this forever#theres no such thing as no bad days and i Cant Handle Bad Days. every strong emotion i feel at the suicidal level#and im so worn out emotiobally i cant Fix Anything.#im never getting out of here im never getting out of here im stuck here forever#and its all inside my head so unless i smash it on some pavement its never going away! itll follow me everywhere#idk im good at Tolerating it i guess. still here! that counts for uh. something.
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the-merry-otter · 1 year
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If you’re on mobile, you may have to click on the images for better quality!
Plain text version with image descriptions is under the cut.
Please note that the image descriptions will be reflecting what I am trying to convey with the photo, rather than the total look of the photo itself. For example if I am trying to describe a dress, the hair colour of the person wearing it will be ignored. This is to reduce the total word count of the descriptions, because I have a lot of images to describe. On this note, I have also streamlined the information as much as possible.
[Plain text description:]
First slide: Mariota’s Guide to 14th Century (Medieval) Women’s Clothing
This slideshow is brought to you by @the-merry-otter on tumblr
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP MOTHERS AND FUCKERS. I’m bored, so today we’re going to be talking about medieval clothing. Specifically fourteenth century English clothing because that’s what I’m good at. (Source: trust me bro I’m a reenacter). Also this is all female stuff - sorry masc leaning folks, I’ll get to you someday!
Disclaimer: this is not completely comprehensive or nuanced in the slightest, it’s just a quick overview guide. Do your own research xoxo.
[Image ID: to the left is a picture of a woman in a light blue dress and a pink hood gazing out at a lake. The hood has a skirt that falls over her shoulders, and there is along thin pipe attached to the back of the hood that dangles to her knees. The edges of the hood are decorated with burgundy crochet. The picture is captioned “beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, literal goals.” End ID]
[Image ID: To the right is a picture of a typical renn faire outfit. It has a white poofy underdress, a black corset, and a brown skirt. There is a red cross drawn over the image. It is captioned “very pretty, but definitely not medieval sorry!” End ID]
Second slide: Underwear (ooh la la)
Now with nasty pocketses
[Image ID: a picture of gollum, from lord of the rings, snarling in disgust. There is a line in The Hobbit where he asks Bilbo what he has in his nasty little pocketses, which is what I am referencing. End ID]
So, corsets, stays, and shapewear in general kind of wasn’t a thing yet. So your underwear was a shift, which was awesome because it was also your pajamas. They were usually made of linen, though some might have been made of cotton is you were rich.
[Image ID: A plain white linen garment laid out flat on the floor. It is a dress that hangs to about knee length, with elbow length sleeves. An arrow points to it with text reading “this is a shift”. End ID]
There is evidence for supportive shifts for busy support, like this one from the fourteenth century!
[Image ID: a second shift, worn by a female presenting person. It is laced up the front, and is a lot tighter and more fitted, especially around the bust. It has straps instead of sleeves. End ID]
There’s also this bra like fragment found in Austria, but that is a whole debate so.
[Image ID: A bra-like garment fitted to a mannequin. It seems to be made out of white linen, coloured with time. The left cup is damaged, and overall the garment looks incomplete. End ID]
Then, over the shift, yet under your main dress went your pockets, which tied on at the waist. Your dresses had slits do that you could get at your stuff without flashing everyone lol.
[Image ID: A picture of medieval pockets. They are upside down teardrop shaped, but the point is flat and is part of the waist ties. There are slits in the side up the top to access the inside. They are cream coloured with bright floral embroidery. The caption reads “these bad boys can fit so many cool pebbles.” End ID]
[Image ID: A young female-presenting person wearing medieval clothing. She has her hands in the pocket slits of her dress. They are just below hip height. End ID]
Third slide: your dress, or the cotehardie. (Pronounced coat hardy)
Over the shift you put your dress, sometimes referred to as either a kirtle or cotehardie. 14th century people started actually form-fitting their clothes more than previous centuries. These needed fastenings, which were mostly lacings (spiral lacings specifically), or buttons made of either metal or cloth, used at the front of the dress from neckline to waist, and on the sleeves from elbow to wrist, with exceptions of course.
(Sidenote: fuck sleeves, all my homies hate sleeves)
[Image ID: a woman in a warm yellow dress to the left of the text. The dress is constructed simply, with a single piece of fabric used for the length of the body so there is no waist seam. The skirt is widened by inserting four triangles, one each at the front and back, and one on each side. The front has buttons made of the same fabric as the dress, that go down to the belt at the waist. The sleeves have similar buttons from wrist to elbow, on the outside of the arm. The woman is also wearing a liripipe hood. End ID]
Dresses seemed to be mostly wool, though I often use linen for mine because I live in Australia and it’s hot in summer and I don’t want to die. Most often they weren’t lined (that is what the underwear was for).
[Image ID: in the top left of the slide is a woman wearing a green woollen dress. It is constructed the same as the previous image, except it has spiral lacing on the front instead of buttons. The sleeves are fastened by three small buttons. She is wearing a simple and veil. End ID]
[Image ID: the top right of the slide shows a woman in a teal coloured dress, similar to the one before. This one has metal buttons at the sleeves and down the front. She wears a veil only. End ID]
The neckline of these dresses was usually round or an oval shape, and some manuscripts have it so wide that it falls off the shoulders slightly.
[Image ID: A photo of a medieval manuscript, depicting six medieval ladies in a row holding hands. The neckline of their dresses is wide enough that the tops of their shoulders are visible. The image is captioned “me and the girls on a Friday night”. End ID]
Clothing was a lot more colourful than the movies would have us believe lol.
[Image ID: Three women, each in dresses similar to the ones before. To the left is a forest green, the middle one is bright saffron yellow, and the one to the right is a vibrant tomato red. End ID].
Fourth slide: Dress two; electric boogaloo
[Image ID: Merry and Pippin from lord of the rings. Above them, meme text reads “we’ve had one, yes”, and then continues below with “but what about second dress?”. End ID]
You could also wear an overdress, which was usually of a contrasting colour and had shorter sleeves.
As well as fashion, they would have been used for extra warmth, and so were usually made of wool.
[Image ID: a woman in a maroon coloured dress like the ones on the previous slide. The sleeves stop just above her elbow, revealing a blue dress underneath. End ID].
Common people would have only owned a couple of different outfits, as fabric was super expensive.
[Image ID: various pictures of women with examples of an overdress. They are all constructed the same as the overdress, but with shorter sleeves that reveal a second sleeve of a different colour underneath. End ID]
A common late thirteenth to mid fourteenth century overdress was the ladies surcoat, which had big holes instead of sleeves.
Belts would have been worn underneath the surcoat.
[Image ID: three photos of women wearing surcoats. They are normal dresses, except there is a large D shape cut out of either side, leaving a large hole from the shoulder to below the hip. They have no buttons down the front. One of the surcoats is made of red brocade, and obviously belongs to an upper-class impression. End ID].
Fifth slide: Hair and headwear
Hair was worn braided and pinned up, with a coif (cap) and either a wimple or veil, or both. The wimple and/or veil were usually pinned to the coif, or secured on a band of fabric around the head.
Veils would be either oval, or a D shape. Wimples were rectangular. A wimple goes under the chin and a veil goes over your head.
[Image ID: a close up of a woman wearing a wimple. It is made of a light fabric, likely silk. The wimple wraps under her chin and is secured at the back of her head. A narrow band of fabric or possibly leather circles her brow, which would have been used to secure the wimple. End ID.]
[Image ID: A picture of YouTuber Morgan Donner wearing a wimple and veil. The wimple wraps under her chin, and the veil is placed on top of her head, draping down past her shoulders. It does not cover her face. Loops of hair are visible either side of her face. End ID]
All the headwear would be made of linen, thin wool, or silk, depending on class. The veils could also be made really fancy by ruffling the front edge or by attaching pearls.
[Image ID: a woman in a wimple and half-circle veil. The edge of the veil that frames her face is elaborately ruffled. The edge of a coif is visible under the veil. End ID]
I ride the bus in my medieval gear a lot because of events, and way too many people think I’m Amish because of my veil. It’s honestly just funny at this point. I should keep a tally.
[Image ID: a woman wearing a St Birgitta’s coif, pinning a wimple at the back of her head. The coif is a simple white linen cap that encloses the head, with a line of lace down the centre of the head. It is secured with a loop of linen around the head. End ID].
[Image ID: a picture of someone with plaits that have been pinned around the head like a crown. It is captioned “you could also pin your hair up like this”. End ID]
Working women might have just wrapped their head in a scarf instead, fuck this fancy shit right?
[Image ID: a woman in a headscarf that has been twisted and then looped around the front of her head. It is captioned #girlboss. End ID].
Fake braids were a thing! Blonde hair in particular was very fashionable, and bleaching or fake braids were sometimes used to achieve that.
[Image ID: two fake braids made of a coarse fibre. They are blonde in colour, and are looped like a hairstyle seen on many of the reenactors. They have white ribbons attached to the top end to help secure them to the head. End ID]
Sixth slide: Cloaks and hoods
These would have actually been two seperate garments! Integrated hoods on cloaks didn’t actually become a thing until the … seventeenth century or so? (Citation needed).
Cloaks were a lot simpler than the typical cloak we think of nowadays. Often they were just a rectangle of wool, or by the fourteenth century, sometimes a half circle.
They were almost always wool as far as I know, and were generally fastened by a cloak pin or buttons.
[Image ID: a metal cloak pin. It is a circle with a small opening at one point. A long pin is attached via a loop, allowing it to slide along the pin. It can fit through the opening in the circle. To use one, you would gather the fabric on the pin, and then slot the circle over the pin and then turn it, so the fabric is trapped between circle and pin. This is much easier to demonstrate than describe. The picture is captioned “these bad boys are the real MVP’s though”. End ID].
[Image ID: a diagram showing the construction of the bocksten man cloak. It is a half circle pieced together by laying strips of fabric together. In the centre of the flat side, a half circle is cut out for the neck. End ID]
[Image ID: a reconstruction of the bocksten man cloak. It is orange wool, and lined with an off-white linen. It is fastened on the right shoulder by three fabric buttons. It would fall to just above the wearers knees. End ID].
Women’s hoods could be short and open, or with a longer skirt and closed with buttons. Liripipe (pronounced leery-pipe) hoods were named for the tube of fabric that dangled off the back of your hood, varying in length. As well as a fashion statement, it could also be wrapped around the neck like a scarf if it got cold.
Hoods were nearly always wool I’m pretty sure, though they were often lined with linen, silk, or cotton.
[General description: a short liripipe hood would be open, with the bottom only reaching your shoulders. They were made from a single piece of fabric that would wrap over your head, with the seam down the centre back of your head. It was flared at the bottom by inserting triangular gores. At the front edge near your face there would be a strip jutting out that went from one side of your chin, over your head, and down to the other side. This would usually be folded back, revealing the lining colour. The bottom of the hood could either just reach the base of your neck, or reach down to just past your shoulders. The former would usually be open at the front, with fastenings optional. The latter option with the longer skirt was almost always able to be fastened up the front with fabric buttons. The liripipe itself was a thin flat tube of fabric fastened at the centre top back of the hood. End ID]
Fun fact, 90% of why I decided to reenact the fourteenth century specifically was because of liripipe hoods.
Seventh slide: Feet (not in a weird way)
Hose were used to keep your legs warm. For women they were usually knee height, and fastened just underneath it with a garter or tie.
[Image ID: a single light yellow hose, belted beneath the knee with a leather garter. The seam is down the centre back of the leg going all the way to your toes, and then around the top of the foot in front of where it connects to your leg. End ID]
Hose usually would have been made from wool, and were cut on the diagonal (bias) of the fabric to get the maximum stretch possible from the fabric. They still were looser than modern tights are though!
Knitted socks were also a thing I’m pretty sure, but I don’t know enough about them. Sorry!
Shoes were simple, usually referred to as turnshoes because of how they were made. Fun fact: the lack of foot support means that turnshoes are similar to going barefoot in terms of how you walk. Some reenactors love it, some hate it, and some are indifferent lol.
[Image ID: a pair of turnshoes made of dark leather. They have a strap that would fasten around the front of the ankle, similar to some modern shoes. The toes are pointed, and it is captioned “pointy toes were fashionable, especially for men”. End ID].
Because shoes were really hard to waterproof, (ask me how I know), and didn’t have solid soles, wooden pattens (pronounced pat-tens) were worn to keep you off the ground while outside.
[Image ID: a person wearing a pair of wooden pattens over their shoes, standing on a drenched cobblestone street. They are wooden platforms with an archway on the bottom, and are attached to the foot with leather straps around the toe, ankle, and around the back of the heel, similar to modern sandals. The image is captioned “ye old crocs”. End ID].
[Image ID: a woman’s leg with the skirts drawn back, revealing the bright yellow hose underneath. It is fastened below the knee with a strip of fabric. She wears a turnshoe with a buckled strap. End ID]
Eighth slide: Accessories
These are a few other items that might have made up a working woman’s outfit.
Aprons would definitely have been used while working. One were just a large rectangle of cloth tucked into the belt, some were smocked to draw in the fabric. They generally stopped at the waist.
[Image ID: a woman in a red dress, with a very light brown apron. It is smocked at the top, and is attached around the waist with a string. End ID].
Pretty broaches and other jewellery existed! There was cheaper stuff made of pewter for the lower classes.
[Image ID: five gold brooches, studded with different jewels and pearls. End ID].
They had a funny sense of humour as well… and they weren’t all prudes.
[Image ID: a pewter broach of a cat carrying a dick and balls in its mouth. It is captioned “you can actually buy these. I know a website.” End ID].
Eating knives were worn on the belt, though it is debated whether women would have carried one. I do because I’m a modern fourteenth century woman.
[Image ID: a small knife with a wooden handle, laying on top of a leather sheath that has been dyed red. End ID]
Belts are a curiously debated topic. Some people reckon that women would have definitely worn them, others say they they weren’t used by women much at all. As far as I know there are depictions of both, so choose what you’d prefer. They are great for hanging stuff on I gotta say.
[Image ID: a coiled up brown leather belt. The buckle and tip are a gold metal, and it has decorative flower studs along its length in the same metal. End ID]
Pretty little purses would have probably been worn. I don’t know enough about them to say anything else though.
[Image ID: two different pictures of reenactors wearing purses. One is brocade and the other a red fabric. They are in the shape of an upright triangle, and both have five tassels hanging from the bottom edge. They hang off the belt with long drawstrings. Unrelated to the purses, one of the women is wearing a gorgeous orange liripipe hood, that is embroidered and dagged on the bottom skirt edge. End ID]
Ninth slide: Fancy Shmancy
There is a lot I haven’t covered, especially in the realm of the upper classes. Here is some of what has been missed. (Buckle up because this section is very image heavy. I will be as concise as possible).
Heraldic dresses! If you are interested, go check out Morgan Donners video on YouTube.
[Image ID: a picture of Morgan Donner in her heraldic dress. One half of the dress is red, and the other is green, except for where it has been cut out by white with an ermine pattern on it. Her hair is unbound and uncovered, except by a small flower crown. It is captioned “Morgan bestie do your hair properly :(“. End ID]
[Image ID: a drawing of two women in heraldic dresses. The first has a blue right half with a yellow printed design. The top left of the dress is yellow with a blue fish, and the bottom left is red with a white fish. Her train is held by the second lady, who’s dress is blue on the right, and white with green birds on the left. End ID].
Fancy headpieces for rich bitches only.
[Image ID: a reenactor doing a high class impression. Her hair is bound up in Pearl studded hair nets on either side of her head like modern earmuffs, with a spiked coronet around her brow. She has a sheer silk wimple on. End ID]
Fancy dagged edged on hoods, sleeves, dresses, etc.
[Dagging description: where the edge has been cut away to make decorative dangly bits. One hood has red leaves around the bottom edge for example, and another just has a pretty geometric pattern. End description].
Brocade gowns! So pretty!
[Image ID: several different pictures of high class ladies wearing brocade gowns of different colours. These are similar to the wool dresses we were looking at earlier, but with longer trains, and often long draping sleeves. There is even a brocade surcoat. End ID]
Fancy sleeves!
[Image ID: examples of different long sleeves. On some, the sleeve is normal until the elbow, and then it falls away to a long strip of fabric that dangles to the ground. Not mentioned on the slide itself is tippets, which was a band of (usually white) fabric just above your elbow, with a thin strip of the same fabric that draped down to the floor. End ID].
Dresses that were two different colours.
[Image ID: examples of dresses that are exactly like the earlier wool dresses, except they are literally half one colour and half another. The manuscript example is a blue and red overdress with fancy sleeves, and the reenactor example is a yellow and green underdress with a red hood. End ID]
And of course, some of the funky fun fabric choices.
[Image ID: a manuscript depiction of a woman carrying a dead bird. Her hood is red and white striped horizontally, and her dress is dark and light blue striped, also horizontally. End ID].
[Image ID: a manuscript depicting a woman talking to a second lady in a chair. The dress on the first has horizontal stripes of white, red, yellow, and blue, repeated, and the second has horizontal stripes of white, pink, and light blue. Interestingly enough the latter colours are very similar to the transgender flag which would make a very cool dress project. Hmm. End ID].
Tenth (and final) slide: In summery
(Small red text below title reads “I hope you have enjoyed” with a drawn smiling face).
Dis you notice all the “usually” “commonly” and “often’s” in there? That’s because I cannot possibly illustrate everything that we know of the time in only ten slides, nor do I know everything, so I have just tried to show what seems to be the most depicted.
Note: I probably even got some stuff wrong by the way.
If you’re interested in this stuff, I really recommend doing your own research now! Hopefully I have given you a good overview of what a fourteenth century womens outfit might have looked like, so now you can go fourth and know what you’re looking for.
If you have any questions about costuming, reenactment, or anything else, feel free to contact me!! I respond on Timblr decently fast ☺️
[Image ID: a reenactor sitting on a log, staring into the distance with a slight smile. She is wearing a grey-blue dress, belted at the waist with a small purse dangling from it. She has a dark blue cape and a light blue hood, that has fallen back to show a ruffled white veil. There is a pewter broach on her hood. A leather turnshoe peeks out from beneath the hem of her dress. End ID]
A list of helpful YouTubers:
Elin Abrahamsson
Morgan Donner
Opus Elenae
Miss Joss (her instagram is more active).
Now go hydrate!!
[Image ID: a woman in fourteenth century garb drinking from a jug. End ID]
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