#tw perfectionism

[dogbound1128]

Ok so I just had a mini dose of closure so I'll just give the quick outline to what I thought in my imagination

tws: guilt, self blaming, literally just the story of OMORI, perfectionism, PTSD implied, mental issues, moving away, long-distance friendship, kinda unstable friendship

He looks around, still unsure of how he's gonna get out.

Progress

Hero opens up his eyes.. He's still in the Dark Part of His Mind.

Something catches his eye, he turns to it.

It looks like his younger self.

He's surrounded by,.. well.. all the difficult stuff he had in his life.

He's on his knees, looking down, and clutching the sides of his head. His jaw is clenched.

"Oh.." Hero thinks to himself. He sometimes forgot that he dealt with that much back then.

*cut to 15yoHero venting about literally everything*

Younger Hero had his forehead on the ground now, he was breathing as if he hadn't in an hour, he was shaking.

"......And I just... didn’t do anything." He said, his voice wet with tears. "I didnt fix it." "and... and I hurt everyone."

Hero was silent. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't think of the perfect advice to give to his younger self. He knew it existed, but he just somehow couldn't find it.

He thought, hard. It took him a while but eventually, it hit him. It didn’t exist. There was no fix-everything-at-once solution for this.

Just like everything in life.

No amount of inspiration could get Sunny to make the perfect drawing in one moment,

No amount of motivation could get Aubrey to do a ballet dance perfectlyin one try,

No amount of skill could get Kel to make every shot in one game,

No amount of knowledge could ensure Basil wouldnt run into any issues while growing a flower,

No amount of determination could let Mari perfect a peice and hit every note perfectly

And no one peice of advice could fix everything at once.

It takes a bunch of imperfect pieces to fix something.

Maybe it takes multiple flawed people to make each other happy

And not just one perfect one

This wasn't gonna be perfect, but perfect was impossible anyway, so this is all he could do.

He knelt down to his younger self.

His Younger self looked up at him.

Still, from this angle, he looked so small.

"...Hero, you were a child then."

Younger Hero's eyes widened.

"You cant send yourself to the guillotine for being a child and not responding to a horrible situation perfectly."

Younger Hero said nothing. He just stared into his older self's eyes, with a look of slight bewilderment.

"..........I need to talk to someone." Older Hero said.

-cut to next scene-

Sunny walked through the door to his room and closed it behind him. He tossed his bag off to the side. He took off his jacket and put it on the hanger.

Just then, his phone started ringing.

This scared him.

He didn't know why he did it, but he looked at who it was from.

It was Hero.

Oh no.

Why was Hero of all people calling? What would he say if he picked up?... Sunny quickly blocked out that thought.

What does Sunny have to lose if Hero screams at him and tells him to kill himself? He didn't know how Hero felt about The Truth, but it, of course, wouldn't be good.

Anways, what does he have to lose?

Well ever since he moved, he made a new group of friends.

Well he wouldn't really say him and them were close friends, and he only joined a week ago, but.. he knew that if something happened, they would be there to support him.

Okay

He was gonna do it

He picked up the receiver.

"Hello? Is this Sunny?" Hero asked.

"...Yes." Sunny awnsered.

...How was Hero supposed to start this

"This is Hero!" (What the fuck was that)

"I know..." Sunny responded

"How have you been?" Hero asked

Despite the awkwardness, Sunny tried to focus on the good- Oh my gosh-

The way Hero's talking? Right now? That means he doesn't hate Sunny, he doesn't hate him

..And the status quo of Hero being the one Sunny could be near when he was going through troubles came back to him.

"...I mean not good, but, it's way better." Sunny awnsered.

"Oh, well that's-" Hero almost said "good" "...better." Hero finished with a sort of chuckle.

"..."

"..."

"I,,- If you don't want to talk about it, I completely understand.. I wanted to talk about,, the last time we saw each other."

"..."

"N-No,, I don't want to." Sunny said, his hands holding the receiver sort of shaking.

"It's okay, I understand."

"..."

"So, uh,, just checking in.."

"Yeah.."

"Thank you.. for that"

Hero was suprised

"Of course."

"..."

"..."

"Do you want to talk another time?"

"Yes." He said it with 100% certainty

"Tomorrow?"

"...Next week."

"Alright!"

"..."

"Bye."

"Bye"

Hero plopped down on the side of his bed, sort of dazed by what just happened.

That was good

That was Progress.

[aidsyouinthinking]

Inktober Angel

To be an angel

White and pearl suit is angelically becoming, To surround oneself in your own holy is to change, Root thyself upon pearlescent pillar, trapped so high. Let ligament and bone twist to turn to wings; rearrange. Your ablation filled body, picked by scorning raven. Cancerous obtrusions filed to fit through golden gates. Better than best, the worthy can achieve that haven. The rest are nothing more than some lowly primates. We may deem you worthy and yet still you not suffice, As fleeing sordid past for salvation is a vice; A chance to breathe and reacclimate you will not find here: The air will thin, and once had been, will again reappear. Turn into angel: perfection paradoxical. Holy is inherited; oddly ironical. Delusions of grandeur, journey parabolical. Attempting to bear crown of thorns is diabolical. You are your torturer, lose the theological, we; an extension of you: converge synoptical.

[aromantisk-fagforening]

I read like 7 pages in one of the books I'm reading and I felt so disappointed in myself, but it's like, I didn't read the two past days, so this is literally more than a billion times that (because 0 times anything is still 0).

but I want to read more. But I can't seem to get in the zone. it's a bit frustrating.

[kmesons]

haven't shared my traditional art here in a while! here's a hannah foster drawing I did recently.

[laterisers]

sona sona sona sona sona

[angelf1sh]

finals stress doodles of my favorite guys of all time ever

[hunniemawa]

🖤 Mao Mao as a Caregiver! ❤️

(Completely self-indulgent I just like to see him as a cg)

🖤 Lets you sleep under his cape

❤️ His most common nicknames for you are “little hero” and “kit”, otherwise he’ll just call you by your name

🖤 *Extremely* into playing pretend and telling stories! He’ll use his voice acting skills to really get you invested

❤️ He’s an amazing cook, and has fun making all your favorite foods!

🖤 Likes to hum you lullabies to help you sleep

❤️ Hates to admit it, but he misses you a lot when you’re not around

🖤 Trains you to become the best hero you can be

❤️ Will never, ever repeat the same mistakes his father made. You want attention? He’ll make sure you’re appreciated! You want cobbler? You’re free to have it and enjoy it (in moderation, don’t want a tummy ache)!

🖤 Follows any and all rules of your littlespace! Rules are super important to him as a sheriff, he’ll even help you come up with rules if you need it

❤️ Superb cuddler! And even comes with purring capabilities

🖤 Lets you play with Bao Bao if you want!

❤️ If your little age is *really* young, he’ll start to baby talk at you. It may embarrass him at first, but seeing how happy it makes you will make it all worth it

🖤 Won’t let anyone at all hurt his little, whether it’s physically or emotionally

❤️ Secretly wishes he were a switch, but staying regressed can be hard for him

🖤 Unlike his father, he won’t bully you for being too small <3

❤️ “Oh, hey Kit! Whatcha got there? ...a...drawing? Of us? Woah...did you draw all this yourself? It, it’s amazing...hm? N-no! No, I’m not crying. *Sniff* I’m just impressed! You got my muscles just right, heh!”

🖤 “A vital part of becoming a hero is keeping your brain in check and in shape! So tell me...what’s 1 plus 2? Good! What’s 3 plus 2? Great work! What’s 4 plus 3? ...er- hey hey, shhhh...it’s alright- let’s count on our fingers, alright? Practice makes perfect.”

[automaticdata]

I chose to celebrate finishing that fancomic by ... quickly doing another fanart from @definitelynotshouting's Lost in the Dark fic.

When it's drained, Grian lets the empty bottle fall from his fingers with a soundless clatter. The weakness is already creeping through him, spreading through his veins and amplifying the exhaustion that's dogged his steps since he was forced off Hermitcraft. Grian shuts his eyes, taking a deep, laborious breath– and then lets himself slip sideways, wings jerking before he settles into as comfortable a position as he can. It weighs in his bones, turning them to lead, and the stars go hazy as he blinks, too tired to even shudder. The wave of sudden dizziness stuns him, and Grian sinks in on himself, awareness shrinking, and knows in a deep, distant part of him, that the potions have done their job. His friends will be safe from him now. Everyone will be.

[ivypppp]

My favorite thinspø / Mis fotos thinspø favoritas

[vegetablewithapencil49]

I HAVE NO REAL REASON TO MAKE THIS HEY AGAIN WYS FANDOM

UHHH YEAH I WAS THINKING OF THIS POST I REBLOGGED WHEN DRAWING THIS, IN WHICH I ACTUALLY DESIGNED A WHOLE DRESS FOR... HAHAHAHAAAHAHAAHHAAAAA-

[evening-emerald]

Me: Wow, I really need to do something about this whole "perfectionist" thing, it's really tanking my creative process and destroying my entire life.

Also me: But first I need to clean my entire house because it looks awful and clearly I'm a terrible lazy person! Also I should be reading more, and exercising ...

[storyofmychoices]

I worry all the time, asking myself "what is wrong with me" and "why I can't be normal" and why I can't get things accomplished that I want to. Then I see posts like this and remember that there's nothing wrong with me and I'm not alone. Depression is so much more than being sad and even though I know that, I still need to be reminded of how many areas of life depression can effect. I need to show myself some grace and compassion.

I hope sharing these images can help someone else who may feel the same. They are from realdepressionproject on Insta. If you don't follow you absolutely should!

[ohno-the-sun]

What's the story behind the black swan au? Is it like the movie itself or different in someways?

I think I put it on one of the previous posts but the basic idea is like imagine the movie Black Swan but replace the characters with Sun and Moon

And there is a bit more identity crises

It’s sort of the most nsfw au I have cause uh- a lot of the events of the movie are followed to a tea

The main difference being Moon is a little more unreal in this- she seems more like just a part of Sun rather than her own person

Like at the end revealed there never was another robot ballerina they were considering for the black swan part

Oh also big difference is they are robot ballerinas

Built to perform and destroyed if they fail

[romantasyreader28]

if ur screwing up ur life cuz u are a perfectionist with major anxiety who procrastinates and spends way too much time on the internet clap ur hands

[iwilllearntowrite]

I am deeply terrified of being an evil person, unknowingly or without being able to fully face it.

Not just becoming evil, but simply being a fundamentally bad person. That my intentions are wrong and I am actually lying to myself. That I have manipulated myself and everyone around me into believing I am a kind person. That my existence in itself has a bad impact on others because it is inevitable for me to do harm just like any human at some point in their life maybe ? Because its impossible not to ? No, this is me trying to normalize sick behavior actually.

I often feel like I am imposing, like people are simply tolerating me, and when they try to reassure me I feel even worse because what if I manipulated them ? And it leads me to think I am even worse than I could picture. I interpret everything as proof that I am deeply terrible, including my loved ones trying to tell me the opposite, to the point where I am not only lying to myself but manipulating everything and everyone around me so I never have to face the truth. And if at any point I let myself believe my intentions are true and I listen to the side of me that doesn’t align with those thoughts, it feels like I would be loosening my control and enabling my deeper “evil” intentions, letting them slip.

Its like I have a phobia of my own intentions. I’ve been looking into it and everything is leading me to OCD related articles, its a disorder that was brought up to me when I was in therapy and also when I was seeing my psychiatrist but that never really got dug into because ultimately when they asked me a few questions about it I didn’t have clear “rituals” and struggled to keep track with everything in my life… I am putting this in the OCD tag to know if anybody else has had thoughts like these ? If any of what Im saying even makes sense… And if so Im curious if theres somewhere I can read about it ? I dont mean to intrude as I have not been diagnosed, but I feel like this is where I could find people who also struggle with intrusive thoughts as well as maybe something like this ?

There’s a part of me that knows. That recognizes the absurdity. That finds it almost laughable. But still beyond wanting to know wether it is true or not, I want to understand this belief better. Is it my inability to face my failures ? An irrational fear of doing harm ? Of becoming like those who hurt me ? They couldn’t face their abuse so how could I ? I have noticed most people who do harm aren’t aware of it, even the people who abused me through my life were pretty much oblivious. And if they were, what’s stopping me from being as oblivious as they are ? But could it be I’m just afraid I can’t trust myself ? What made me feel like I cant trust myself and when ? Because I almost always have… One thing I’d always been in tune with was my gut. I recognize now I haven’t been able to trust my own thoughts and memories since I was gaslit by my ex through last summer. Maybe there’s a correlation.

I really want to be careful, though, with the terms I am using. I am so sorry if what I have said seems offensive or hyperbolic, I tried not to write mindfully but I understand it could be beyond me and something only others will see. I am open to feedback and discussion and sincerely hope I didn’t trigger anyone with my words.

[jenn-the-mostly-harmless]

[image id: a digital illustration of Scylla, a monster from Greek mythology. Scylla has the upper body of a fish monster, with slightly feminine features and long tentacle hair. She is holding a harpoon with her left hand and petting one of the creatures at her waist with the right. Her waist sprouts the head, front legs, and torsos of five dog-like creatures with fish fins on their legs and necks. Below the dog-like creatures with paws and torsos, more dog-like faces sprout from the scales of her fish like tail. The dog heads get smaller and less detailed towards the tip of the tail, until they become large scales. The tail ends in a fish fin. /end id]

I was thinking about the version of Scylla (there are many as far as I can tell) that has dog heads sprouting from her waist, and then I was thinking about the siphonosirens I've been drawing periodically, and I had this amazing mental image of Scylla that I will probably never draw because her tail was much longer than this with so many more dog parts.

So here's the imperfect version I mashed out into reality anyway! Bam! Pow! Fuck off crippling perfectionism! Wammo! Take that executive dysfunction!