#twitter and instagram are so toxic my god

[matthewsblue]

i don’t know but sometimes i feel like other social media are strange places which make me anxious while tumblr and pinterest are cosy places which feel like home

[cl6teen]

old habits (die hard) ❀ cl16

in which charles charles has a knack for fucking things up, and you have a talent for slowly letting him back in

find part one here.

contains: social media au, ex!charles leclerc x fem!reader, angsty charles and yn living her best life, toxic relationships maybe, mentions of new partners, charles is a confusing man, charles is a jealous asshole

note: i don’t think this is the final part lmao it’s kinda left of a cliff (if u saw me repost no u didn’t)

your phone 📞

charlie

hey

i miss you

a lot

read, 11:23 pm.

charlie

please don’t be like that y/n

i’m serious

you

charles you literally have a girlfriend

charlie

she’s not my girlfriend

you

do you think i’m stupid? like actually

charlie

no

but she really isn’t, we’re just talking

and hanging out i guess

you

oh my god

charlie

love, you know i miss you

you

yes, because finding another girl right after saying you only want to focus on racing sends me such a great message

you’re confusing as hell

charlie

i know, i really messed up.

i shouldn’t have broken up with you in the first place

but the season was getting so intense and i really want this championship, i thought it would be better for us to put it on pause to save us both the trouble

you

so what’s so different about her that makes her an exception?

charles

alex is easy for me

you

so i’m difficult?

charles

that’s not what i mean

you

no it is what you mean

i’m difficult for showing up to your races and being there when you need me

or when i’m there for you when you dnf? or when ferrari fucks up your strategy?

i was willing to stay friends with you after i did all that and you still broke up with me because i had hopes we would make it work and get back together

charlie

i do want to get back together

you

no you don’t

you moved on so quickly like i was nothing

charlie

you also got with someone too

you

because i didn’t want to look like an idiot seeing all the news after telling my friends i had hope

charlie

yeah but posting him in your bed??

you

so you’re just saying all of this because of that guy i posted?

wtf is your deal charles

fuck you

❀ instagram ❀

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris, alexalbon, and 70,331others

yourinstagram larger than life (in madrid)

view all comments

lilymhe oh my god

lilymhe you scandalous girl

yourinstagram oops?

landonorris he better watch his hands

yourinstagram he said “fuck off”

landonorris i’ll punch him in his face

carlossainz55 mariposa 🦋

yourinstagram 🥺

user are these two dating???

4zaferrari no they’re just friends, this is someone else

kikagomes sexy sexy pair 💋

yourinstagram you’re sexier bebe

pierregasly get away from my girlfriend

yourinstagram get off my page maybe?

alexalbon show me the man

yourinstagram no you’ll just steal him

user loved watching your vlog the other day

liked by yourinstagram

user seeing yn happy is so great but i can’t be the only one missing her and charles right??

user where are you going next omg!!

yourinstagram no idea!!

lando.jpg updated their story 1 hour ago

seen by yourinstagram, charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 1 million others

yourinstagram replied to this story: i did not give permission for you to post this young man!

❀ twitter ❀

your phone 📞

charlie

you put him in your vlog? and you’re still posting him?

are you dating

y/n

are we seriously doing this right now

why are you stalking me

charlie

i’m not stalking you, i just care

fuck just answer the question please

y/n

i’m barely posting him, his face wasn’t in it

and no, we’re just seeing each other right now. yk summer flings i guess

charlie

you know it hurts me to see this y/n, please love

y/n

i don’t care, we’re not together anymore

you texting me is hurting everyone, your “friend” included

charlie

she knows we’re not dating

please just come back to monaco y/n

we can talk face to face

can i call you right now?

you

i’m with carlos and lando

charlie

are you also with that guy

you

yeah

charlie

will you finally tell me who he is?

you

does it really matter?

let’s just talk when i’m back in monaco please

and let me enjoy my vacation in peace

charlie

when are you back?

you

i’ll let you know

charlie

okay

i love you

you

yeah

love you too

❀ instagram ❀

yourinstagram updated their story 10 mins ago

❀ twitter ❀

tags: @1655clean @i-wish-this-was-me @sunny44 @leclercdream

[redbullgirly]

Million Dollar Man [LS18 smau]

Lance Stroll x reader [social media au]

Masterlist

Summary: Lance's girlfriend isn't afraid to show how much her boyfriend loves and spoils her. Unfortunately, "fans" seem to think she's a gold digger. But who would Lance and Y/N bee if they just let it slide?

Warnings: A lot of hate towards the reader by online trolls and just toxic fans, at the end she and Lance shuts them up but if you're not in the right head-space to read this, then please don't.

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by lance_stroll, fernandoalo_oficial, astonmartin and 192,344 others

tagged: astonmartin and lance_stroll

yourusername life lately... how about you? 🍰💐

view all 3209 comments

user1 more like: life lately 💸💸💸

user2 LOL

lance_stroll life lately has been great ❤️

liked by the author

user3 Lance don't worry we're going to save you!!

user4 our guy is lyinggggg i can feel it

user5 Oh my god let them live a happy life you trolls🤦‍♀️

user6 how can you know it's happy when she clearly uses him for money?🤨

user5 And how can you know it's not? Besides I don't think she uses him for anything🤷‍♀️

user4 then your just as naive as him user5 lol

user7 she's so classy a love it!😻

user8 Can she even drive or she just wanted to take a photo in his car?

fernandoalo_oficial You are slaying Queen!😉

fernandoalo_oficial Did I do it correctly yourusername?

yourusername it's great nando, just please never use that emoji again and you'll be ready do graduate from my gen-z university!

fernandoalo_oficial Damn it I knew all you use these days is this one: 💀

yourusername 💀

user9 OKAY I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYONE SAYS ABOUT HER AND LANCE CAUSE I LOVE Y/N AND NANDO INTERACTIONS MORE THAN MY OWN LIFE!!

user10 i'm convinced she holds both aston drivers hostage in her basement and is forcing them to comment on her posts

user11 It's probably not even her own basement but Lance's😭

user12 nah she ain't even that pretty

user13 omg no way this post is the way I found out lance mf stroll has a girlfriend?🤠

user14 GIRL you have so much lore to catch up on

user15 Yeah welcome to the worst wag ever fandom xd

user13 wait I'm so confused... why do we hate her???

user14 bc she's basically a gold digger, like from the moment her and lance started dating she's been posting only about shopping and showing off herself and her bf's money

user12 plus she ugly af

user15 Yeah and there are rumors on twitter about her being really mean to everyone and that the whole paddock hates her and stuff...

user13 okay I get that but tbh we can't believe everything that's on f1 twitter

user14 idc she's a bitch even without the rumors

user15 I can tell Y/N is trying so hard to have the rich girly aesthetic... it's actually embarrassing😂

astonmartin Wow you have a great car right there😍

user16 more like her sugar daddy lance has it lol XD

user17 guys be fr if you had a rich boy you'd be spending his money too!!!

twitter

yourusername and lance_stroll posted on instagram stories

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by estabanocon, lance_stroll, astonmartinf1 and 206,948 others

tagged: astonmartinf1 and lance_stroll

yourusername thank you spa for having me! what a race, congrats to my favourite driver lance_stroll on p9 & his teammate fernandoalo_oficial on p5! great team work, hope to see you on another grand prix in the future astonmartinf1 💚🏆

view all 4022 comments

astonmartinf1 we hope to see you on another grand prix as well Y/N!🤩

liked by the author

user1 you don't have to lie admin, it's waste of money on her... better give the paddock pass to someone else

astonmartinf1 well, we definitely won't give it to you user1, so no need to worry about it 😙

user2 daaaamn, the admin is coming for y'all haters

user3 Of course she had to wear the racing suit... c'mon that's so embarrassing🙄

user4 actually it's pretty normal, I'm pretty sure Max's gf also wore his racing suit at some point

user3 Yeah but I at least like and respect Kelly... Y/N is a horrible gold digger

user4 well then I'm pretty sure it's your problem, not hers🤷‍♀️

user5 girl stop pretending you care about racing we all know you do it just for pr and cash xdd

user6 Honestly I'm not a Lance Stroll fan, but he deserves someone better than her...

lance_stroll Thank you to my favourite wag! 🥳❤️

yourusername love you baby!!!💞

user7 favourite wag😂 good joke😂😂

user8 am I the only one who finds their interaction cute??

user9 yeah you are user8... like just look at it, it's so forced... wouldn't be surprising if their whole relationship was fake

user10 You can hate on her all you want, but she's actually gorgeous in the third pic😻

user11 YUUUCCKK🤮🤮🤮

user12 you see I would be fine with this post if she didn't have to show off the aston martin car again!!!

user13 Hey did you notice she tagged Nando in the caption and he didn't reply to her? I call it ✨karma✨ lol

user14 maybe he escaped from her basement😭

user15 💚💚

user16 sorry but I can't help it. There's just something fishy about Y/N and I can't bring myself to like her at all

user17 Guys who is this girl and why does she get more hate in her comments than hailey bieber??💀

user18 I hate how she makes the whole Grand Prix about herself

user19 no but fr... like honey, idc about you and your favourite driveeer

user20 Tf?? She literally called LANCE her favourite driver how is that about her... you haters are so dumb🤦‍♀️

user21 I bet she read the comments on twitter about how she's bad gf for not going to any races and decided to fix her image by this XD

user19 lmfao didn't probably work the way she hoped

messages between Y/N and Lance

lance_stroll posted on instagram

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel, f1 and 330,219 others

tagged: yourusername

lance_stroll As some of you now, I am not very active on social media. Today I'm making an exception for Y/N, my lovely girlfriend I've been dating for almost a year now. She is one of the greatest, most kind, caring and selfless people I know. I don't know where the idea of our relationship being unhappy, one-sided or even insincere came from, but I would like to make it very clear once and for all that these assumptions are as far from the truth as they can be.

In my life, I experienced a lot of hateful comments and reactions myself. It is not something I wish anyone should have to go through and it's disgusting. I love Y/N with all my heart and I hope that one day, she'll make me the happiest man alive and allows me to marry her, build a family together. No one will ever again speak about her in an inappropriate way, or they'll be blocked and possibly face legal actions taken agains them. I am very serious about this.

Y/N, I'm not afraid to call you the love of my life. I never want to see you cry because of some meaningless hater. Love you to the moon and back, sweetheart ❤️

view all 4823 comments

user1 It's just so heartbreaking how Lance himself had to go through so many waves of hate because of his dad and now he had to watch Y/N go through it too...😓

yourusername love you to the moon and back too lance!!!💖

lance_stroll Wouldn't have it any other way honey!😌

user2 you know it's serious when sebastianvettel shows up

astonmartinf1 once the it couple, always the it couple!💚 proud to say we were never a hater😘

user3 i still think it's fake

fernandoalo_oficial and I think you are fake🤪

user4 LMAO nando come and get the haters lets goooo

user5 That's how you shut them up xd

fernandoalo_oficial how do you children say it? I AM LANCEY/N DEFENDER

user4 yeah yeah nando exactly that or you can say your a lancey/n truther

liked by fernandoalo_oficial

user5 omg I can't believe I just had online conversation with THE Fernando Alonso😭

user4 GIRL ME TOO AND HE EVEN LIKED MY COMMENT😭😭

f1 What a beautiful couple you are!🙌 Hope to see you in the paddock after summer break!😏

user6 "they'll be blocked and possibly face legal actions taken agains them" daaammmnn man is standing on business here

user7 Tbh I never understood why y'all hated on her sm she's literally so beautiful and seems kind as well🤷‍♀️

lilymhe pretty giiiirl

lance_stroll I couldn't agree more!❤️

yourusername oh stop you two I'm blushing

user8 Can we take a moment to appreciate how beautifully the caption is written?🥹 Lance really has some poetic talent!

liked by yourusername

user9 aaah she's still a gold digger and he's too blind to see it😂

user10 Yeah she probably charmed him in bed or sm

user11 Ohh user9 and user10... I wonder how it feels to know Lance and probably some other drivers hate you🫢

chloestroll My brother and my future sister-in-law!🥰

liked by the author and yourusername

yourusername 🥰🥰

user12 im actually so happy to see y/n replying to some of the comments and just being active without so much hate on her now!!!

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by lance_stroll, kellypiquet, fernandoalo_oficial and 299,102 others

tagged: lance_stroll and dior

yourusername they say if he wanted to he would... I say he wants to so he does 🌹❤️

comments have been limited

lilymhe she ate you jealous people up with that caption

liked by lance_stroll and fernandoalo_oficial

lilymhe also alex_albon me when??

dior Wow!❤️‍🔥

lance_stroll That's what real men do instead of trolling others on the internet.

yourusername daaammn baby

lance_stroll What? I'm just stating facts 😌

kellypiquet shopping trip to Paris when?😍

yourusername anytime you want!!!💕

astonmartinf1 So lucky to (basically) have you on our team💚

fernandoalo_oficial I call that a slay admin

astonmartinf1 ...should I tell him slay is kinda out dated??

yourusername aaah let him have his moment

fernandoalo_oficial WHAT?! YOU TRAITORS I THOUGH I WAS GEN-Z APPROVED

yourusername 🫢

THE END

Author's note: I hope you liked my first ever social media au story! I'll be glad for every feedback, comment, like, reblog and everything! You can definitely send me asks and requests for another smau's and even 'normal' fanfictions. Have a great day!

[gyupinkys]

APRIL 12TH, 3:36PM

XU MINGHAO X YANDERE READER

WC: 2.7K

Minghao is hiding something from you.

You're hiding something from Minghao.

WARNINGS: MURDER, GORE, VIOLENCE, GUNS, WEAPONS, TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, MANIPULATION, YANDERE, unprotected sex, public sex, sex with a corpse in the room (yes this happened again idk how we got here), scary dirty talk?, this is just Y/N being insane.

Minghao is the light of your life. From the moment you first saw him on April 12th, at 3:36pm you were mesmerized. His all black attire, mullet, nails, everything; it did it for you. Of course he didn’t notice you, only because you didn’t want him to. Being able to blend in was a gift; you preferred to play in the shadows anyways. From that moment you tried to learn everything you could about him. The instagram and twitter searches oddly led to nothing and linkedin was a no go.  Hmmm, either he has no social media presence or doesn’t want to be found. Even after hours of digging you still find nothing. 

You decide to revisit the cafe you saw him at, maybe he’ll reappear. You can’t say you’re too shocked when he doesn’t. All you know is you need another taste of him, a sight of him, you need something, anything. 

“Excuse me.” you say to the worker behind the counter.

“Yes?” he says with an awful attitude, taking you aback.

“I think I lost my phone here a few days ago. Can I check the security cameras to see if someone stole it?”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I can’t show you them, lady.”

“Please.” you say batting your eyelashes at him and as always it works like a charm

“Maybe if you do me a favor, I’ll let you see.”

Gross. “Sounds like a plan” you smirk, trying not to throw up.

You follow him to the back to which he promptly pulls down his pants. You can’t help but laugh, his dick is so small. “What?” he says, sounding offended. “Nothing” you say and walk towards him. You pull out your trusty pistol and press it to his head. 

“Show me the tape.”

“You crazy bitch.”

That word always pisses you off. You’re not fucking crazy. You’re just passionate. 

“Shut the fuck up and show me the tape before I blow your fucking brains out.”

He immediately goes to the camera files and shows you the evening of April 12th. There he is. Your love. He somehow seems even more attractive. You sigh dreamily and the man next to you rudely interrupts to which you side eye him making him shut it. You take a copy of the file and erase the files from today in case this perv tries to go to the cops.

“Lovely doing business with you.”

You leave the cafe feeling like a teenager in love. He’s just so dreamy and you’re certain he’s sweet. As you rewatch the video on your phone you get an idea. Your friend Namjoon owes you one… hmm. If this is what it takes to find the man of your dreams so be it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You read the file left on your doorstep. Xu Minghao, 25, born on November 7, 1997, Chinese, 5’10, likes frogs? You fucking hate frogs, but If he likes them you like them. No occupation? He doesn’t look like someone who's broke. Maybe his parents are rich or something. Besides the basic information there's no current address, phone number, or information about school. This guy is basically a ghost.  How did they find out he liked frogs but not where he lives? You give Namjoon a call.

“Y/N.”

“Namjoon, why is there nothing about this dude?”

“He doesn’t want to be found for a reason.”

“Stop with the cryptic shit just tell me what his issue is.”

“Y/N I don’t think you want to know.”

“I swear to god.”

“He’s in the mafia. SVT. You don’t want to get involved with him.”

Oh. This does to deter you, if anything it makes you like him more. A dangerous man is a sexy man. You don’t want him if he can’t kill someone for you. 

“You gotta introduce us.” 

“No.”

“Why.”

“I did you your favor already. Plus I don’t approve of this.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to meet someone in the mafia on my own accord.”

“Y/N don’t act like you're not a criminal. You just pretend to be a good girl but we both know you’re not. I’m sure you’ll figure it you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He really likes tea. This is the third pack of tea he’s bought this week. Why not just buy more than one at a time? He walks through the aisles of the store like he always does, pretending to browse but knowing he’s just going to buy frog gummy bears. It’s the same thing every time. You pass by him and take a deep breath. He smells so good. You’re not sure how he hasn't noticed you yet. You’ve been a bit sloppy, trying to get as close to him as possible. He’s seen you walking around his apartment complex, at his favorite stores, at the park he meditates at, but he hasn’t seen you. You decide you’ve learned enough about him to finally approach him. As he’s about to leave the tea aisle you take this as your opportunity. 

“Excuse me” you say sweetly.

He turns around, seemingly shocked someone is speaking to him. 

“Yes?”

“Is that tea good?” you smile sweetly.

“Oh this? Yea it’s my favorite.”

“Hmm, maybe I should try it. I don’t really know much about tea.”

“I like to think of myself as a tea connoisseur,” he says with a kind smile. Perfect, he’s letting his guard down.

“Well lucky me, huh?”

“You’re blessed to be in the presence of an expert so yes, lucky you.”

He begins to go on and on about different types of teas, benefits, and a whole lot of other crap you’re not listening to. You just can't believe he’s speaking to you, looking at you, perceiving you. This must be heaven. 

“Can I ask your name?” you say as you two near the checkout.

He clearly weighs his options, deciding you seem innocent enough. 

“Hao.” he says, making you smile.

“Hi, Hao. I’m Y/N.”

From there you two “coincidentally” bumped into each other often. The interactions become friendlier and more comfortable. The smiles turned into longing eyes, small touches. You’ve eliminated any threats, any woman or man who looked his way too long had to go. You couldn't let anyone take you from him now that you had him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Baby, I need to go to work.” Hao whispers, trying not to disturb you too much. He knows you need your sleep, he has to leave at such weird times he feels bad. You’d think after a year of dating he’d have the balls to confess to you but he can’t. How are you supposed to tell your sweet, innocent, loving girlfriend you kill people for a living? He feels awful lying to you about his work, his life. You’ve been begging to meet his friends and family but he keeps denying you. He doesn't want to involve you in this lifestyle. You give him a tired smile and nod. “Ok, I’ll see you later.” you say and give him a kiss.

Minghao leaves your apartment and drives to the base. He has a few things to do today and then he can get back to you. He misses you already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For someone in the mafia Hao is way too trusting and honestly kind of stupid. Did he not think sharing his location with you would be an issue? Of course the kind innocent girlfriend would never be watching his every move, checking street security cameras to watch what he does, who he talks to, what he looks at. You see he’s meeting a woman at a restaurant. The fuck? Does she want to die? They go into the restaurant and you lose sight of them. Without thinking you head to the restaurant. Just the thought of him talking to another woman infuriates you. He would never cheat on you, he’s too much of an angel and you’re sure if he did it wouldn’t be his fault. He was probably coerced or blackmailed, he would never do that. You speed to the restaurant and park a few blocks away. By now the sun has gone down and the streetlights have turned on. You wait for them to leave in the alley near the restaurant. They bid their goodbyes and Hao walks away after confirming his lady friend has a rise coming, always such a gentleman. Once he drives off the woman starts walking away; she must've lied. Unfortunate for her, great for you. You start crying in order to gain her attention. As she walks by you emerge.

“Excuse me.” you sob.

She looks at you bewildered. “Oh my goodness, are you alright?” she walks into the alley to get closer to you.

“Some girl tried to mug me and I’m waiting for the police. Can you come and wait with me, I want to make sure she doesnt leave.”

She immediately agrees and follows you deeper in. So gullible…

When she’s a little ahead of you, you reach into your back pocket and pull out the hammer you brought with you. 

“You think you can talk to my boyfriend and get away with it?”

She turns to look at you. “What? Minghao?”

“Yeup.”

“He’s dating you?” She says in disgust.

You just stare at her. She’s becoming increasingly uncomfortable and as she goes to walk past you, you swing the hammer into her face making her fall to the ground. You straddle her and beat her face in, hitting her over and over and over until the ground is covered in her skull and brain. You don’t stop until you hear movement behind you.

“Y/N?”

You freeze. He wasn’t supposed to see this. You stand up looking down at your pretty pink dress now stained red. You drop the hammer, ready to start crying. You’re searching for a story to tell him. Self defense always works right? 

He just starts laughing. You look up at him confused. 

“Baby, baby, baby. I didn’t know you had it in you.” he says as he begins walking towards you. He takes his chin in your hand and looks into your eyes. “Why did you kill her?”

You just pout, too embarrassed to answer. “Was it because I spoke to her? Were you jealous.”

You just nod, ashamed but not apologetic. “She had it coming. She didn't think I deserved you.”

“Do you deserve me?”

Your face falls. “I just killed someone for you and you’re asking if I deserve you?” you spit, letting the sweet persona drop.

“Y/N. Do you think I have not known what you really were this whole time? I’m not stupid. I know you're a psycho stalker. I saw you all those times before we started dating, I know you looked into me, I know you follow me around, track me. I know this is all a facade.”

You feel your world falling apart. This can’t be happening. He backs you into a wall. “Hao I just do it because I love you.”

“And I love you, but you fell for my trap baby. You can’t go around killing people.”

“But you do that all the time.”

He breathes out a laugh. “Well you got me there baby.”

“Wait, what trap?”

“I needed to prove my suspicions; catch you in the act. I was supposed to kill her, but I figured I'd use her as bait. And you're just so predictable. You just killed her with no remorse. You’re just crazy.”

You take a deep breath. You’re not fucking crazy. You look him in the eye. “I’m not crazy.”

“Well clearly I am, because seeing you kill that bitch turned me on.” 

“What?”

“You heard me. Seeing this pretty little dress I bought you covered in blood. God, It’s making me so hard.”

Well this is new. You go to speak only to be cut off by a rough kiss. He grinds his hips into you and he wasn’t lying he’s harder than ever. He begins kissing and biting down your neck, rubbing his hands across your blood soaked body. 

“If I tell you to kill someone else would you do it?”

“Yes” you immediately answer.

“Would you do anything for me?”

“Yes.” your breathing is picking up. He’s so close to you, you can feel his chest rise with every breath, his fingers tighten around your waist, everything. 

“You're just my little lap dog, huh? My every wish is your command?” you nod furiously as he sinks to his knees, hiking your legs on his shoulders. He bunches your dress on your hips and pulls your panties to the side. He dives in, eating you like his favorite food, the vigor and intensity driving you mad. “Hao, please fuck me I want to cum on your dick.” He groans, setting you down gently. 

“You want me to fuck you in this dingy alley? With people passing? What would look worse, them finding the body or them finding us covered in blood, fucking next to a body?”

You honestly dont give a fuck about either, all you want his his dick in you. “Hao please just fuck me.”

“I don’t know, Baby.”

“If you don't put your dick in me right now, I’ll show you how crazy I can be.”

He groans. He unbuttons his slacks and pulls his boxers down enough to pull himself out. He hikes you up the wall and pushes in, bottoming out immediately. “Fuckkk, just the thought that you killed someone just so you can have me is making me want to cum in this sweet pussy right now. But you deserve an award for being so good to me right?”

“Please. I deserve it.” you moan.

He begins thrusting into you, hard and deep, trying to make you cum. The feeling of his arms holding you, his body heat on yours, and the adrenaline running through your body, it’s all driving you crazy. He angles his hips upward, searching for the spot that drives you crazy. 

“Tell me, what was it about me that made me want you so much?” he whispers in your ear.

“You just- y-you looked so hot, and you sm- smelled so good and ughh.” Every word you say he thrust into you harder making you unable to get a full sentence out. He’s taunting you. “Do you not love me?” he says slowing down. “Is that what it is? You don’t want me?” 

“No, no I do! I want you so bad Hao.”

“I don’t think so.” he says as he puts you back on the floor. “I don’t think you love me as much as you say you do. You just want me because I’m pretty? You don’t really love me.”

“What do I need to do to show you? I’ll do anything Baby.”

“I want you to kill someone else for me. Get more blood on your hands.”

“Right now? Just tell me who, I’ll do it.” you start walking back towards the street to which he pulls you back.

“God, Baby. You don’t know what seeing you like this does to me. So obsessed with me that you’ll blindly follow what I say. This power is going to my head.”

You groan, feeling delirious. You just want to cum at this point and these games he’s playing is pissing you off. You reach into his suit pocket and pull out his gun pointing it to  his head.

“I may love you but I love cumming more. Get to it.”

“Yes Ma’am”

He presses your hands against the wall and slides back into you from behind. He starts pounding into you ruthlessly, you feel every ridge and vein of his cock. You want to scream, cry, laugh, anything. You feel like you’re genuinely losing your mind, so overwhelmed by everything you're feeling. You start crying only making him fuck you harder. 

“Cry for me baby, let me see all those pretty tears.” he groans in your ear.

His feral groan makes you cum, squeezing him so tight he slips out. He jerks himself off, cumming onto your ass with a quiet moan. You try to catch your breath. That was so intense, you still feel like you’re on a different planet. He turns you around and pulls you into his chest. His warm embrace grounds you like it always has. 

“I love you. You’re so good to me, Baby.” he says as he hugs you harder.

“I love you too, Hao. So much.”

You both step over the body, leaving the alley hand in hand.You look at him under the moonlight. As beautiful as the day you saw him but even more beautiful now that he’s yours. 

[msbigredmachine]

On Sight - Part 3 (Jey Uso/OC)

The fact that we hate each other don’t mean we can’t fuck. Just don’t fall in love with me. Part 3 of my 4-part Jey Uso/OC series.

Warnings: The usual smut, toxic behavior, angst

Word count: 6.5k

A/N: I had to split it, so now it’s four parts. I wasn’t comfortable that it was so damn long lol.

ON SIGHT MASTERLIST

------------------------

PART 3 - BOTH?

A tired sigh left your lips as you disabled the comments on your Instagram page. Another day, another disrespectful internet troll trying to fuck up your mood. 

The past couple of weeks were some of the worst you’d encountered in recent memory. Barely eighteen months since you joined WWE and you had already fallen prey to the vulturous dirt sheets and backstage drama. Your co-workers were now under the false assumption that you were in a love triangle with Jey Uso and Cody Rhodes. After the airport pictures were leaked, you and Jey trended on Twitter for twenty-four hours, as fans had a lot to say about what they believed was a new wrestling romance. You refused interviews, shut off your comments and mentions on all your platforms, and under ‘advisement’ from Hunter and management, you stayed off TV for a couple of weeks until the whole thing blew over. But now that you were home alone and not traveling, your mind was forced to return to what happened that day.

Return to the one person you had no business thinking about.

You did not miss Jey Uso. He did not deserve a second of your attention. Which is why you ignored all his phone calls and text messages, only stopping short of blocking his number. He did not deserve an ounce of your emotions. Even though you cried over him more times than you cared to admit. Even though you couldn’t get all those nights…and mornings…and afternoons…of passion, out of your head. He did not deserve any of your headspace. And yet, all you could think about was those chocolate brown eyes of his that pierced your soul…Eyes that now haunted your dreams…Eyes that were filled with rage just weeks ago. In all the times you got on each other's nerves, you had never seen him like that, and you weren’t sure you wanted any part of it.

The irony was, you had no intention of fraternizing with the talent when you joined the WWE. Workplace dalliances often went up in smoke. But there was something about Jey fucking Uso that you just could not seem to resist. Your mind kept saying no, even resorted to name-calling and bickering to repel him. But once your body gave in, there was no going back. Then, your heart followed. Thinking all would be well, you carried on like a naïve little girl, only to end up getting embarrassed. And it hurt like hell.

Your phone vibrated, and your partner in crime, Kayla Braxton’s happy face flashed at you, reminding you about attending Beyoncé’s show later tonight. How could you forget about the hottest tour in town? You all bought VIP access tickets months ago and there was no way you were going to miss it. Your hair appointment was in an hour and a custom-made outfit would soon be at your doorstep. You planned on looking your very best tonight; after all, you never know who would meet at a place like that…

Long story short, you were moving on. You were becoming the main character again, living your best life and damning all negativity to hell. Because you were that bitch. Simple as.

Fuck Jey Uso.

-----------------

If Jey thought you didn’t have that many fans before, he found out the hard way that it was the exact opposite.

Your fanboys were coming for his head. The nicer comments were “It should’ve been me!” and the more caustic ones were not very PG. Only God knows how they would have reacted if they found out how the breakup went down; he’d be fucked six ways to Sunday.

The Tag team champion groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and regretting it instantly - because every time he did, your face was all he saw anymore. His brain seemed to enjoy tormenting him with memories of the mess he made that day. He could still smell the roses he’d bought for you. He could see you in that room, Cody’s lips pressed against yours...

...The tears in your eyes as he screamed at you…the pain in your voice as you screamed back…

He knew he fucked up. He said some terrible things he wished he could take back. But now he couldn’t go through a day without being asked about you and when he started dating you. Hilarious, as you weren’t even speaking to him. He glanced at his phone again to see if you’d finally replied to at least one of his numerous calls and texts. Of course not. You ignored every single one of them. You avoided him and refused to be anywhere near him. As much as he deserved your wrath, it was starting to get to him.

Scrolling through his Instagram, he noticed Liv Morgan’s recent IG story placed her at Beyoncé’s concert. Most of the Smackdown female roster were with her, yourself included. He knew you loved Beyoncé, so undoubtedly you were having a great time. Your hair was beautiful, and you looked hot as hell in that jumpsuit…

Fuck.

He thought this shit only happened in movies; the whole enemies-to-lovers schtick, catching feelings only for something stupid to happen and ruin the connection you were building. Well, it was happening in real life and happening to him, and honestly? It sucked.

His matches also suffered a drop in quality. By all standards they were still okay; he was still executing all his moves right and his mannerisms were adequate. But it wasn’t the same. Because he was missing you. Without you around anymore, he was useless. He'd become so used to being with you that your absence opened up a void that he felt could not be filled. 

His boys were starting to notice and were losing patience with him. 

“Dude, get your shit together,” Roman admonished him one evening in their locker room as they prepared for their tag match for the Smackdown main event.

“Chill. I’m just in a funk, that’s all,” he explained lamely, acutely aware that his older cousin would see right through his excuse.

“Not our fault that you fumbled Y/N. Don’t mean you should take it out on your performances and make the rest of us look bad.”

“Stop being an asshole, Roman,” Jimmy said as he taped his fingers, then turned his attention to Jey. “I’m still shook over the fact that you were sleeping with her all this time and I had no idea,” he said to Jey. “And why you tell Big Uce before me? Huh bro?”

“He never told me. I found ‘em fucking in our locker room,” Roman clarified.

Jimmy gaped at his brother with wide eyes. “Yooooo, what?! When was this? Damn, you nasty as hell, twin!”

“Fuck off, you and Trin done fucked in worse places,” Jey countered. “It was a long time ago, bruh. Now she won’t even look at me.”

“What d’you expect?” Roman continued. “What did you think would happen after what you did? And on top of those photos getting out? Yeah, you didn’t stand a chance. Own that shit, dude. You fucked up.”

Jey exhaled heavily. “Thanks man, way to make me feel like shit.”

“He is right, uce. That’s a bad bitch you let slip away,” said Jimmy.

Jey gaped at his brother and cousin, lifting his arms in exasperation. “Yo, ain’t you supposed to be on my side?”

“Yeah, but I like her a lot.” Jimmy elaborated. “She’s cool and sassy as hell. Now that I think about it, she was good for you. She kept you on your toes, and you were much happier, Uce. I saw it, and now that I know she was the reason, you need to figure out how to get her back, asap.”

Right. That was not happening anytime soon, not if you had anything to say about it.

The Bloodline’s match was against the team of Cody Rhodes and the Street Profits. Jey did his best to remain professional, but one look at the American Nightmare had his blood boiling. Once they locked up in the ring, his punches got stiffer, his move set became more aggressive. At one point, Jey wrapped his forearm around Cody’s windpipe a little too tightly in an illegal rear naked choke. In retaliation, Cody elbowed him square in the face, causing blood to spurt from his nose. It was all downhill from there, and they barely made it to the end of the match in one piece.

Backstage, a big melee erupted as Jimmy and Solo had to forcibly restrain their brother from attacking the American Nightmare. “You motherfucker! You broke my fuckin’ nose!” he yelled.

“And you beat the shit outta me and almost choked me out, so we’re even, motherfucker!” Cody shot back over Roman’s shoulder. “You got your receipt now. Are you happy? Huh? Are you satisfied?”

“No. Next time keep your hands off my girl!” Jey snarled.

Cody snorted. “Your girl, huh? You say she’s your girl, yet you had no problem disrespecting her and embarrassing her in public.”

“Aye, shut your fucking mouth!” Jey barked, incensed. In his peripheral vision, he could see you standing among the gathering crowd a few feet away, flanked by Kayla and Samantha. The other two women were looking at him like they wanted to beat his ass. In contrast, your expression was blank. Unreadable. He wished he knew what you were thinking.

“Did I lie? We all saw you, insulting her, calling her names over something that wasn’t even her fault!” Cody went on, “So since you wanna air this shit out again, fine. It was me. I put her in a position she didn’t wanna be in, and I regret it and I’ve apologized. But you’re a dumbass for treating her like that.”

The Tag team champ visibly bristled. It was one thing to hear from his family that he fucked up. It was a whole ‘nother thing to hear it from his opp. Both were rather humbling experiences, not that he would admit that shit to anyone. 

Cody picked up his ring jacket and threw it over his shoulder, his ire still trained on Jey. “Now that we got all the aggression out of the way, I strongly suggest that you get on your hands and knees and beg for her forgiveness. That’s a beautiful, smart, gem of a woman you’re taking for granted, and she obviously cares about you, which is a whole lot less than your bitch ass deserves.” With that, he walked away, having made his point loud and clear.

Jey twisted out of his brothers’ grasp, his teeth bared in an agitated sneer. When he glanced in your direction again, you were gone. 

----------------------

You fixed what you hoped was an attentive look on your face while pretending to listen to Bobby Lashley talk. He was a nice guy, but he just wasn't…interesting. You’d been talking to him for most of the night and you were bored, despite the fun, albeit pounding, music booming through the club. The sooner you got out of here, the better, because the mannerisms and suggestive twinkle in his eyes told you he was expecting sex later tonight. Such a pity…he looked like he was good in bed, but it was painfully obvious that you didn't have much in common. Maybe you should start dating non-wrestlers again.

A chill swept through your spine out of nowhere. The hair on the back of your neck stood up as you sensed a new presence among the cluster of people already in the VIP section. Something pushed you to direct your gaze towards the entrance, and you did.

Jey.

Despite yourself, desire flushed through you as you watched him make his way into the room. As though feeling the heat of your stare, he looked in your direction and your eyes locked. Even from a distance, the sparks flew between you, sharp and explosive over the dimmed lights of the large room. You saw his gaze flicker between you and Bobby, a maelstrom of emotions swimming in his narrowed eyes.

Diamond came up behind him, looping her arm around his.

You felt your heart drop, and the pang of jealousy grew inside you like a weed. Of course. Why were you not surprised? 

Bobby calling your name finally broke the hypnosis. Tearing your gaze away, you cleared your throat and reached for your drink.

"We can leave if that’ll make you more comfortable,” Bobby offered, his tone sympathetic.

Adamantly, you shook your head. “Why? We’re staying right here.” 

“So, he your ex now or somethin’?” Bobby inquired, his eyes on you as he sipped his cocktail.

“He’s nothing to me,” you answered, a bit too harshly. “Let’s talk about something else, please.” You plastered a smile on your face, exponentially more interested in Bobby Lashley than you’d ever been.

The drinks kept flowing, to your delight. When a waiter placed four tequila shots on your table, you snatched one up and knocked it back with ease, followed by a second. Looking over to where Jey was seated, you saw him take a swig of Hennessy straight from the bottle. Diamond was on his lap, grinding all up on him. Releasing a deep breath, you cleared your throat, annoyed. The longer you sat there, the angrier you felt, and the more alcohol you consumed. Glancing back at him one more time, you gulped down the rest of your drink and turned to Bobby. 

"Dance with me." You stood up without waiting for his answer. He followed though, and soon you were encased in a moving sea of bodies. Your arms slid around his neck, feeling his hands grab your hips, holding you against him as you moved together with the music. He then turned you around so your back was against his chest, keeping you tight to him. You tilted your head as he nuzzled your exposed neck, his breath hot on your skin. 

“You’re lookin’ real sexy tonight, Y/N,” he whispered in your ear, his big hand draped dangerously over the top of your thigh.

You weren’t listening. You had caught Jey’s eyes again, and he looked like he wanted to murder somebody. Good. Fueled by alcohol and revenge, you ground your ass against Bobby’s groin, feeling his arousal, imagining it belonged to someone else. Your gaze remained on your ex, and your nipples tightened from the way he stared at you, knowing he was fully aware of his effect on you.

Done with the games, you stepped away abruptly from Bobby, swaying slightly on your heeled feet. "I don’t feel so good. I think I’m gonna head home," you informed him.

“You’ve had a lot to drink. Let me take you home,” Bobby said. His voice remained calm, but his teeth gritted with obvious sexual frustration. You saw right through it and hastened your exit.

“No need, I’ll just call an Uber. Don’t let me ruin your evening.” You turned and left without letting him answer. You felt bad that you did him like that, but you just had to get the fuck out of there.

The fresh air afforded you some relief as you waited for your Uber. It cleared your head a little bit, but then all the thoughts rushing in were on him. You hated that he still felt like home to you. It still felt like he was yours. Those feelings angered you because it was not true, and you knew you were being stupid, pathetic and weak. You knew if he’d fucked you over once, he’d do it again. You weren’t a child. You knew the games of the assholes of the world, and you couldn’t believe you’d given in to one, that all you had to show for it were the shattered pieces of your heart.

You really wished you could forget about Jey. You did. All you wanted was for the pain in your heart to subside, but he’d made such an imprint on you. It didn’t help that you were in l-

As soon as the thought emerged, you jammed your hands over your ears, as though this could somehow block out the mental reverberations of your emotions. No! Stop it! You’re not! Not with that prick-

“There she is. The queen ho herself.”

You heard her before you saw her. Diamond. With her hands on her hips, in a dress one size too small for her, adopting a smug, triumphant air as though she had finally won the prize she’d been chasing for a long time. “Nice to see you, girl,” she said, a fake ass smile stretching her face. “I see you been real busy sleeping your way to the top. So, not only did you fuck Jey and Cody Rhodes at the same time, you’re fucking Bobby Lashley now.” She scoffed. “Who’s the slut now, huh?"

The last thing you wanted was to entertain this bitch. But the drinks in your system made your mouth faster than your brain. “Run along, little girl. Don’t speak on things you know nothing about.” You made a shooing motion with your hand.

“Oh yeah? Well, you’re the talk of the town, sweetheart. Jey caught you having sex with Cody. You got tired of them two and now you’re with Lashley. Tell me. What’s it like getting passed around like a lit blunt?”

The fucking lies. That was what you could not stand. The dirt sheets, your nosy ass colleagues. And now this bitch. “Is that what Jey told you, or did you read that somewhere and your dumb, gullible little self swallowed it up like a sheep,” you sneered, eyeing her up and down. “Oh, I forgot…swallowing is what you do best.” 

A snide laugh left Diamond’s lips. “Jey was right when he said you’re jealous. You're pressed because I got your man now. Stay mad, ho.”

You giggled at the desperation oozing from her. She really tried it. “You ain’t got shit, bitch. You’re not half the woman I am. Every time you’re fucking him, you know damn well that he’s thinking of me. Are you enjoying the taste of my pussy, sweetie? Cuz that’s all you’ll ever taste when you’re kissing him or sucking his dick.”

The self-important demeanor slipped from Diamond’s features. “Bitch, I’ma beat your drunk ass right now. You’re begging for an ass whooping, and I’ll be happy to give it to you!”

“Bring it, bitch. Drunk or not, I’ll still wipe the floor with your dusty ass wig. But my nails cost a hundred dollars and they cute as fuck. Your bitch ass is definitely not worth it. Keep enjoying my sloppy seconds though." With that, you walked away, wondering where the fuck that Uber was.

When Diamond shoved you in the back, making you almost fall over from the impact, it felt like a fever dream. By the time you turned to face her, your vision had reduced to a sea of blinding red. The backhand you hit her with was so hard your entire arm stung. She’d barely hit the ground before you lunged again, clawing at her hair, but a pair of strong hands yanked you backwards before you could inflict another blow, pulling a few tracks out of her head in the process.

“Get off me!" you shouted, flailing wildly and swinging your fists. "Get the fuck off me!"

Jey’s arms wrapped tightly around your waist as his warm breath grazed your cheek. "Hey, hey, chill," he whispered firmly into your ear, "Let it go," he added as he glanced over at Diamond being helped to her feet by some of her NXT peers. A small crowd was starting to gather outside, and Jey knew you had to leave, now. “Come on, let’s get outta here.”

“Fuck off me! Let me go, that bitch need to die!” Enraged and out for blood, you continued to struggle against him as he led you away.

“Are you gonna leave me here?!” Diamond shrieked, watching Jey depart with you in disbelief.

Ignoring her, he took you to his truck which thankfully, was nearby. He literally dragged you, kicking and screaming, into the truck, shoving you into the passenger’s side, and drove off as discreetly as possible. 

He knew where you lived. He’d been to your place many times, just like you’d been to his. Though it was only a fifteen minute drive from the club, it seemed like hours as the deafening silence amplified the already suffocating tension between you.

“Why you out here fighting, huh? Whatchu doin’?” he asked, not backing down from the murderous look you shot him at his question.

“Fuck off, you ain’t my daddy!” you fired back. “You shoulda let me wash that bitch, I don’t care if she’s your girl.”

Jey sighed. “She’s not my girl.”

“Oh, really? Woulda never guessed from the way she was practically fucking you in the club.”

“I could say the same thing ‘bout you and Lashley. You were all up on him too,” he challenged.

Feeling your temper rise, you started to respond, but stopped short and shook your head instead. “Ya know what? Stop the car. Now. I’ll walk the rest of the way.”

"You ain't goin' nowhere in them high ass heels," he pointed out. "Besides, you in no shape to be alone right now. And we almost at your place anyway."

“Well hurry up cuz I’m feeling nauseous. Unless you want me to vomit right here. I’ll be more than happy to.”

The thinly-veiled threat motivated him to increase his speed limit. 

When he pulled up at your house, you refused his assistance and tried to get out of the car by yourself. You barely made it a few steps out, teetering on your heels, when you stumbled on the way to your door. 

"Need me to carry you?" Jey asked, knowing the answer already.

You looked at him miserably, "My head hurts."

“Where your keys at?” he asked, opening your purse to fish out your key. Unlocking the door, he picked you up bridal style and stepped through, as you wrapped your arms around him. 

"You're really strong, babe. I like my men strong,” you slurred and broke into a fit of hysterical giggles. 

It was going to be a long night.

In your living room, he laid you on the love seat, took off your shoes and quickly put a trash can next to you, just in case. Sitting in the arm chair across from you, he noticed you staring intently at him. "You okay? Ya need somethin’?"

"You’re sexy as fuck. Have I ever told you that?” you drawled, your smile wider than necessary as you slowly stood up.

Jey couldn’t help but blush at your compliment. "Ain’t nobody as sexy as you, princess," he replied, biting his lip as his eyes scanned your curvy frame appreciatively. Hands down the sexiest woman he’d ever laid eyes on. He ached for you, but he just couldn’t have you.

Your stance was shaky as you crossed over to him, swinging your leg over his lap to straddle him, and wound your arms around his neck. "Jey...I think I like you."

He blushed again, a little flustered by the complete 180 your behavior had taken between the car ride and now. Yes, he knew you were drunk, but he wasn’t exactly sober himself. This was suddenly a precarious situation. "I thought you hate me," he murmured against your shoulder, his hands finding your hips despite himself.

You pulled back and thought about it for a second, "Yeah, I still do. But I like you too. A lot. Maybe." Framing his bearded face in your small hands, your lips brushed softly over his nose, his cheek, his chin. “Can I kiss you? I really wanna kiss you.”

Tilting your head, you nipped his bottom lip, teasing the plump flesh with your tongue. With each press of your mouth, you added more pressure, and like butter next to heat, he melted, capturing your mouth with his, tasting the alcohol on your tongue. God, he missed kissing you. Missed your touch, missed you pressed up against him like this. But this was wrong. You were both clearly out of it, and he didn’t want you to feel like he was taking advantage of you.

Groaning pitifully, he broke the kiss and tried to push you away, acutely cognizant of your big, dilated pupils. "Princess, we shouldn't do this…Not when we both wasted."

You frowned and pouted, "We’re fiiiine. Come on, Daddy, I need you." Your lips latched onto his neck, knowing full well it was his sweet spot, rolling your ass against his crotch and feeling him harden underneath you. Your moans became throatier and sultrier, gradually stripping away the little self-control he had left. His lips crashed back over yours, his tongue moving roughly in your mouth, a fistful of your hair in his hand and your ass in the other, molding and kneading possessively. This was such a stupid idea on both your parts. But right now it was all you both wanted and consequences be damned.

You helped him peel off your short dress, tugging it over your head. His palms quickly roamed your smooth skin, stopping at your ass to squeeze the soft flesh. Then, shoving his hand inside your underwear, he flattened his palm right over the slick juncture between your legs and rubbed the wetness there, and he smiled as you moaned softly, as your skin quivered around his hand. But two could play that game. Your hand slithered down his pants, finding him rock-hard. You massaged his length with your fist, and just like that, you both found yourselves in a standoff; heated stare on heated stare, jerking each other off like it was a competition. 

Leaning in to nibble his earlobe, you whispered in his ear, "Fuck me right now, Uso. And make it count."

He didn’t need to be told twice. He shot to his feet, lifting you into his arms with your ass in his clutches. Your body was alluringly warm and soft and he almost wept from how good you felt against him. Cradling you to him, his long legs quickly ate up the distance between the living room and your bedroom. He laid you on the edge of the bed and took off his shirt. His mind and body were highly strung, desperate to find some relief and release all of the pent up tension from tonight.

Although you tried to pretend that this was nothing more than a quick fuck, you couldn't resist sitting up and slowly kissing his lips. He tasted so good, and his naked body felt even better. You let your hands wander over his chest, dragging your nails across his pec tattoos in as you kissed him, before you pulled away abruptly and shoved him onto his back with his legs still set on the floor. Seeing him stretched out over your sheets brought back memories which you quickly tried to dispel. You yanked his pants down to his ankles with force, frowning when a condom fell out of the back pocket. Picking it up, you tossed it onto his chest.

“Put it on,” you told him, denying yourself the enticing visage of him rolling the rubber down his shaft. For all you cared, it was meant for Diamond, but you decided to ignore that and focus on the hard dick that was waiting and ready for your use.

Jey’s eyebrows creased in confusion as he watched you take off your panties, only to turn your back on him. "Whatchu doin’?"

"What’s it look like I’m doin’," you shrugged, nudging his legs wide apart and adjusting yourself in the reverse cowgirl position. You took hold of him and eased yourself down his length, an agonizingly slow slide until your ass pressed down on his pelvis. You both groaned at the feeling, your head hanging down while you reacquainted yourself with his fullness. This was for the best; you wouldn’t have to look at his face or get caught up in his gorgeous eyes.

Placing your hands on his knees, you began riding him, hard, quick, focusing solely on your pleasure. Circling your hips, you moaned out as your pussy immediately clamped around every inch of his cock. He was panting already, his hands on your waist helping you to bounce on him. Jey looked on, completely hypnotized by the sight of your ass slapping against his pelvis, your pussy leaking all over the condom covering his cock. He gripped your ass cheeks before spreading them open so you could take him deeper. As he began to jut his hips upwards into you, you threw your head back with a whimper, losing yourself to the sweet sensation of him filling you, wet smacking sounds echoing around the bedroom as you met him thrust for thrust.

“You feel so good, princess," Jey breathed, caressing wherever he could reach, eventually finding your breasts and tugging your puckered nipples between his thick fingers. 

"Mmmm," you purred, trying to ignore his sexy voice. It was impossible to deny how good he felt, stretching you, testing the limits to the depth and tightness of your pussy. Still, you took back control by switching to hard, grinding motions, concentrating on getting off. Luckily you were almost there; he was nestled right against your g-spot as you gyrated your ass on him, edging closer to your orgasm.

Jey knew what you were trying to do, and the Alpha Male in him was not having it. Surging to his feet with you in his arms, he climbed into the bed and dumped you amongst the pillows back-first. Sitting back on his heels, he pried your legs wide apart and tapped his dick against your clit, then shoved it back inside you. The sharp, sudden invasion only fueled your pleasure, and you squealed, your moans coming in short, raspy pants as he pummeled your pussy hard and fast. Clamping a hand around your throat, he slammed his dick into your sweet spot over and over, making your eyes flutter shut in utter pleasure as you came all over him. This was just like old times...straight-up vulgar fucking that laid waste to your g-spot. Jey kept fucking you through your orgasm, looking down at the place where your bodies merged, and smiling arrogantly at what he saw.

"Look at that pussy, nutting all over my cock. So fuckin' good. You missed Daddy's dick, amirite?"

"Yes, Daddy," you moaned, turning your head to the side as he started rotating his hips, slow-grinding inside your pussy, "Aww, shit..."

“Look at me,” he growled, frowning when you ignored him. Again. Grabbing your cheeks between his fingers, he steered your face back to meet his heated gaze. “I said look at me,” he ordered, his voice gruff and menacing.

Moth. Flame. Just as you predicted, the feelings and emotions came flooding back. Just like you feared, you got lost in his eyes; the passion, the desire, the affection you felt for him, reflecting back at you. You groaned softly with him, and he leaned down and nuzzled your throat, his nostrils breathing in your scent, your skin, absorbing you. Your legs hitched higher around his waist, allowing him to hook them over his elbows and deepen his strokes, giving you that Henny dick, and your pussy reacted accordingly.

“Yeah, baby, grip that dick, squeeze me hard. You’re turned on, ain’t cha,” Jey grunted, licking the seam of your lips and doing the same to both your nipples, “I told you, this pussy belongs to me. You’re mine, princess. Don’t ever forget that shit.”

“Mmm, unnnhhh, mmmph…” You whined so sexily beneath him. All soft and delicate like a little kitten. You were looking up at him with your pretty eyes, dilated with a mix of pleasure and liquor as you took his big cock like a good girl. He was caught up in your eyes and the feel of your fingers clutching the back of his head, enticing him to kiss you again, adding extra tongue, his head seemingly about to combust from how good he was feeling. Sober or intoxicated, your sex was always incredible; he couldn’t get enough of you if he tried.

He swung your legs up onto his shoulders, your heavy pants dissolving into outright cries when he started jackhammering into you. His hips collided into yours with brute force, smothering you into the bed with his bigger body. It was mind-blowing, his dick at the bottom of your pussy, your toes touching the headboard, the heat between you spreading, scorching, hurtling towards an extinction-level explosion. And when it hit you, tears sprung to your eyes and you were robbed of all speech. Your muscles tensed and your legs shook from its intensity. 

Jey’s tortured groan warmed the crook of your neck as he detonated with you, his body shivering from indescribable pleasure. The harsh movement of his hips softened into gentle rolls in his attempt to pour every drop of himself in the condom buried inside you. Afterwards, he hovered weakly over your prone frame, drained and out of breath, before finding enough strength to pull out and crumple down next to you. Your last thought as you curled up against his warm body was how much you missed this. Missed him.

------------------

The horrendous sensation of your stomach climbing up your throat woke you up. Almost falling out of the bed, you half-ran, half-stumbled into the bathroom. You barely made it to the toilet bowl in time, falling on your knees to empty the contents of your stomach. Tears pricked your eyes as you struggled to breathe. You hated throwing up. It hurt like hell and you always felt like you were puking up all your insides.

Just as you thought it was over, another wave of nausea came along, wrenching through your entire body. You suddenly felt a hand on your back, another pulling your hair away from your face. Jey. You tried to ward him off, but he didn’t budge, holding your hair until you were done puking your guts out. He then helped you up, took your robe and put it on you, and it was then you noticed he was in his briefs and nothing else. He waited for you to wash your mouth and brush your teeth, then carried you back to the bed, picking up the bottle of water and aspirin he’d set by the nightstand.

“Here, this will help. Took some earlier this morning before you woke up.” He handed them to you and watched you closely like a dutiful spouse. The taste of water right after brushing your teeth was revolting, but you forced the medicine down. Once you were finished, you put the water away and pointed at the door. 

“You can get out now. Let yourself out when you’re done getting dressed." 

There was a heavy silence as he digested your flippant dismissal. “You bein' for real right now?” he said through gritted teeth.

“What? We fucked and we got off. Why you still here?”

"Because I care about you," he responded. His voice was tight, strained, struggling to keep his emotions at bay. "Okay? I’m here because I didn’t want you to be alone. I stayed cuz I wanted to see you…Baby, we need to talk."

“I ain’t your baby. And I don’t wanna talk to you.” Getting back out of the bed, you left him alone in the room. You were still tired and the morning light felt as blinding as headlights, but you trudged on, eager to put distance between you and him.

Hurrying into his clothes and shoes, Jey fought off his own hangover symptoms as he followed you into the living room. “You ignored every single one of my calls and my texts. I been tryna talk to you for weeks. Just hear me out, please, babe.”

With every syllable he uttered, a tsunami was gathering strength inside you, threatening to break and flood the wall you had tried so hard to put back up. Then, that wall gave way, and your lips moved, the raging tsunami powering through the throbbing sensation in your head. 

"Fuck you."

Jey flinched, chastened by your vicious rebuff. "Princess," he began, but you kept talking, your emotions spilling like a malfunctioning fountain.

"No, don’t fucking cut me off! Why would I ever want to speak to you again after what you did? You never gave me a chance to explain so why do you deserve to be heard? Huh?” You shoved your hair angrily out of your face. “After Cody kissed me, I came straight to you because I wanted to be honest with you and start off our relationship the right way. And instead you exposed us. I begged you, begged you to hear me out…but you didn't. You called me every name in the book over a misunderstanding! You humiliated me in front of our co-workers! Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

He did. That was why he was here. To take responsibility for his actions. To start over, if you wanted to. He wanted you to understand that what he did hurt him as much as it hurt you. 

But you had no interest in any of it. “That's not all you did, either and this is the one that really pisses me off. You used me. You used Key West to break down my walls and get close to me. You stole my heart, you made me fall for you and then tossed me aside like trash. You treated me like I was nothing, in fact, less than nothing. I always knew you hated me, but I never realized you hated me that much!”

He felt his stomach plummet somewhere in the abyss. “Baby, I don’t hate you-”

The laugh you let out at his response sent a chill through him. It was sarcastic, humorless, borderline manic, and it burned his soul, the fire almost as scalding as the one that blazed in your eyes.

“You don’t just hate me, Jey. You despise me,” you corrected, your tone clipped and ice-cold. “You detest me. You would never have done what you did if you don’t. You hurt me on purpose, and I blame myself because I was stupid to think you actually cared about me. I let my guard down and that’s on me. But mark my words when I say it will never, ever, ever, happen again. I swear on all four of my grandparents’ graves. You fucked with me for the last time.”

Jey forced down the lump that had formed in his throat. The regret in his eyes was palpable, looking like a lost puppy as he tried to plead his case. “Y/N, please-” 

"Don’t touch me!" You jerked away when he tried to reach for you, your heart lurching at the hurt in his eyes. “Just fucking leave, alright? Leave me alone! Go back to Diamond. You can fuck her all you want now, cuz as far as I'm concerned, there's nothing between us."

Jey came closer to you, his eyes narrowed and unwavering. "After last night, we both know that’s bullshit,” he stated confidently.

For one agonizing second, you wanted to choke him out. You wanted to rip your heart out of your chest, hold the battered organ up in front of his face, and scream: "See this? This is what you did to me!" You were so upset; your legs were about to buckle and you just wanted him gone. You couldn’t bear to be near him anymore. "Last night was a drunken mistake. Period. We’re done, Jey. I don’t ever want to see you again. Get out!" Walking over to the door, you flung it wide open and glared pointedly at him.

A distraught Jey struggled to process this turn of events. He didn’t want to leave you. Not like this. But the tears in your eyes and the quivering of your lip told him everything he needed to know. He had done an unforgivable thing by breaking your heart. Breathing out a dejected sigh, he slipped past you without another word and walked out through the door, out of your life, just like you asked him to, his chest tightening with every step he took.

Slamming the door shut on the man you loved, your legs gave out at last, and you slid down to the ground in a flood of tears. This agony, this ache inside your chest, was tearing you apart. The betrayal and deep regret and utter worthlessness overwhelmed you. You couldn't breathe, your chest heaved, and you struggled not to cry out from the pain that gripped your broken heart like a vice.

On the other side of the door, Jey’s features crumpled in pain as he listened to the anguish of the woman he loved; your sniffles, your sobs, each one ripping out a different piece of his heart. Pressing his forehead against the door, his fingers splayed out against the wooden surface, as though trying to reach out to you, trying to take away your pain. The pain he caused.

"I'm sorry, Y/N…I'm so sorry…"

END OF PART 3

----------------------

More drama!😖😭

Thoughts? Is it finally over for our lovebirds? What’s going to happen in the season finale?

Please leave comments. I love comments!

Banner made by me. Jey gifs by @jeysuso​. Credit to owners of the other pics and gifs.

[definedbydaylight]

“Show Me Your Love” Part 2

A Matty Healy x OC; Instagram AU

Masterlist: .°˖✧

Series Intro: “Harper is a writer who gained a small cult following on tumblr as a teenager, through this she meets one of her best friends Phoebe Bridgers, but when Harper’s seemingly “normal” life collides with the world of The 1975 frontman Matty Healy, the universe spins her life in a completely different direction.”

Part 1

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar it takes a bit more⋆｡°✩

liked by phoebebridgers, trumanblack and 15,493 others

phoebebridgers hey um could i get ur number maybe?

harpersnotbazaar anything for u bbg ;)

trumanblack am i wrong or are those lyrics to my song?

harpersnotbazaar sorry do i know you?

rass1975 @trumanblack brutal mate

harperfan34 that's MY tumblr girl

fan93 okay i need this whole outfit rn

1975fan69 ross in the comments i cannot

○ phoebebridgers

phoebebridgers it's my last day with Harper and Matty just had to crash our dinner date, vibes ruined

liked by harpersnotbazaar, lucydacus and 246,384 others

harpersbazaar you'll always have my full attention baby xx

phoebebridgers i fuckin better

trumanblack okay and?

phoebelover43 oh no... guys he's infiltrated her life irl

harperfan95 YOU ACTUALLY LET HIM NEAR HER?!

phoebebridgers you say this like i could've stopped him

mattyismybf oh god he can't be serious

trumanblack posted a story

bedforddanes75, 1975adam and rass1975 followed harpersnotbazaar

○ harperfan34

harperfan34 i miss her she hasn't posted anything in 2 weeks omg

liked by fan29, phoebeiscool and 346 others

fan93 no like literally what is she doing?

phoebeiscool anyone notice matty hasn't posted anything either?

fan239 bro that's kinda sus

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar i saw a band perform some songs or something

liked by phoebebridgers, trumanblack and 24,893 others

bedforddanes75 lovely to finally meet you xx

phoebebridgers it's like i'm being cheated on

harpersbazaar ur crazy ily

fan93 NO FUCKING WAY

trumanblack who's ur favorite member? ;)

harpersnotbazaar ross

rass1975 @trumanblack brutal mate

1975fan87 dear god tell me this isn't real

bedforddanes75 posted a story

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar dinner :)

liked by trumanblack, bedforddanes and 53,392 others

trumanblack mmm dinner :)

liked by harpersnotbazaar

harperfan34 okay guys you can kiss already

phoebebridgers i'd rather eat something else ;)

harpersnotbazaar baaaaaaaaaabe

fan38 okay something about matty's comment makes me think he was at this "dinner"

mattyismybf please the REACH, he's got standards, he's just a flirt he can't help it

○ trumanblack

trumanblack record shop

liked by harpersnotbazaar, 1975adam and 738,382 others

comments have been turned off

○ 1975mattyupdates

1975mattyupdates okay so we're all just gonna ignore this pic that is going around on twitter rn? taken by a fan after the london 1975 show

liked by harperfan34, 1975fan87, and 43,483 others

harperfan34 this is such an invasion of privacy but i hope it's actually them

fan23 oh god the stans are vile in this comment section

1975fan87 i refuse to believe this is real... idc he can do better lmao

mattyfan03 she's such a clout chaser, first she's friends with phoebe and now she's out with matty, no one wants to buy your shitty poetry book omfg

harperfan34 she's literally been friends with phoebe since before she got famous, jealousy is a disease get worse soon<3

○ harpersnotbazaar

harpersnotbazaar my book is out now, link in bio<3

liked by phoebebridgers, trumanblack and 62,483 others

comments have been turned off

Part 3 (coming soon)

A/N: okay guys i didn't wanna create angst within this story having anything to do with something harper or matty did, do i took the toxic stans idea and ran with it pfffft, anyway i hope you all enjoyed xx

[jiraisupportgroup]

just curious do you have an instagram where you post these 😞

I do not, unfortunately, T-T

I never really got into Instagram or Twitter, I never really liked the layout of them? Idk. I'm old so I always saw Instagram as a place where you just follow irl friends like Facebook bc back when I was on Instagram it was before any like fyp things & I just never really got into it; I much prefer being on my computer to do stuff like this.

I used to be more active on Twitter but I just got so tired of it bc it was just fighting 24/7 and maybe I was just on the wrong side of Twitter but god it was so toxic that I just left lol.

I would be totally fine if anyone wanted to post them on other platforms, it's just not something I'm probably going to do; running this one Tumblr blog is taking as much energy as I have for this T~T

Plus if I made an Instagram or a Twitter I would have to make photo versions of all the resource posts which like that would be fine I could totally do that but also I know myself and I know I will not have the energy to do that for a long time.

[crystallinestars]

Regarding your post mentioning Genshin burnout, recently I kind of felt it as well ! The only saving grace for me was Scara's banner, I finally managed to get him on Tuesday after pining for him during the past few months. So I guess I kind of have more motivation to play now? Esp to build him along w his team (Layla and Faruzan also popped up in my rolls :D). But after I've built them sufficiently, I might lose motivation again ...

And I saw you mention toxicity on online platforms, this is so real (for both Genshin and HSR) 😭 Like I was scrolling on Reddit yesterday and I saw a hella cute AvenPaz family artwork. It was then reposted on another subreddit (It's kinda meme-y community) and OMG they were being so rude ... Like they legit seemed so pressed seeing Aventurine in a non-BL ship. They were going "ohhh the str8s are at it again," (they used a more obscene term that I won't name) and I was thinking: so my bi self is apparently mega straight now just because I like NL stuff, huh 🤨🤨 I had to unsubscribe, like I loved seeing the funny edit pics from this subreddit but whenever they see a NL ship (or even a hint that a male playable character could be with girl) they just absolutely become so rude... I guess it could have been worse (like straight up brigading the artist) but the negativity was so so off-putting. Ofc we could all have our own preferences but whyyy feel the need to become so insulting when they see something they don't like.

Big big sorry for longggg negative vibes rant 😭 Ngl I'm also super tempted to go off about the treatment of a certain architect by the hands of both Mihoyo and a huge chunk of Genshin fandom, but if it is too uncomfy for you then I will refrain. ^^ I don't want to disrespect your blog !

Tbh though it is comforting to know that there are at least other Genshin likers (esp girls) who have similar sentiments regarding BL and our favorite architect ahahah...

Congrats on pulling Scara!!! He’s so much fun and a godsend in exploration. Seems you already have a good team for him (I use Layla and Faruzan with him too 😄)! May he grow big and strong haha.

If you lose motivation to play again, well… don’t play! Do something else you find fun! Life is too short to dedicate all your free time to a single game.

Honestly, the entirety of the Hoyoverse fandom is quite toxic. The only game that’s exempt from it, to my knowledge, is Tears of Themis.

Reddit is definitely up there with Twitter for being the most toxic platform in the fandom (I’m guessing TikTok and Instagram too, but I’ve never been on these sites). The BG/NL ship bashing is incredibly common, unfortunately. Really can’t enjoy anything NL on there. Really, why can’t they leave the things they don’t like alone and just move on? Why be so rude? 😔

I used to be a part of AlhaithamMains and things were mostly chill at first, but over time it became a haikaveh mains. Anyone who requested for there to be a separate sub for the ship was berated, and posts politely saying they didn’t see Kaveh and Alhaitham in a romantic light were rife with hateful and aggressive comments. I remember someone posted Kavehlumi art in KavehMains, and one person had the audacity to comment that Kaveh actually belongs to Alhaitham. And these types of comments were EVERYWHERE, under every NL ship post.

I took one peek into AventurineMains, saw the very first post talk about how Ratiorine is implied in the 2.0 quest, and noped out of there. Not surprised the same fate befell Aventurine 😔

So yes, Reddit is full of awful, loud people that ruin the fun for anyone who doesn’t ship the popular ship. You were right to leave. I left a long time ago and have been so much happier because of it. It’s unfortunate you have can’t enjoy a lot of things now, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to protect your mental health.

If you want to go off and rant about how Kaveh gets treated, please do! God knows I have my own gripes about it, so it’s really nice to know I’m not the only one troubled by it. Plus, I love it when people share their complaints with me, so don’t worry about being too negative.

Trust me, there are quite a few of us girls who love Kaveh but don’t care for BL. We just keep to ourselves and stay quiet to avoid trouble from the toxic shippers.

[theorygurl7]

Namjoon being tired asf with the fandom

Recently, Namjoon of BTS has been absolutely bashed for the dumbest reasons ever, like- this man will just breathe and these toxic ARMYs will have a problem with it. He's being more direct and straightforward with the fandom these days (which is good). He's also been replying to the weird ass baby ARMYs calling him their hubby, soulmate, boyfriend, their man etc. Lately, he's been getting bashed (again) for posting a picture of him smoking with some of his friends on his Instagram story. When he came on Weverse live, a lot of people were commenting about it, he simply told them that it's his life and he can do what he wants to do with it (my bias doing a good job here). And when he came on live after the "Bad Religion - by Frank Ocean" incident, he just told the people who were sending hate comments that he's not going to be apologizing for something he didn't do and they can go cry about it if they're taking it in a bad way. Truly, this man is doing some fandom filtering and I'm all for it. A few days ago, the military enlistment notice of Namjoon, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung came in. These four boys came on live just to talk with ARMY and say a goodbye before they set of for their enlistment, the whole comment section was filled with ARMYs asking about the enlistment (which is kind of valid ngl) and Namjoon told us not to come to the military camp for the security of the other soldiers (istg- this man is just so sick of the saesangs). This proves how he just knows that his fandom is going to do this, this is honestly really sad... HE IS JUST SO TIRED OF US! I'm sad because istg- because of such idiots on twitter- if he stops sharing music recs, random photo dumps, videos of nature, pictures of art museums, etc... I WILL GO VIOLENT! Seriously, he doesn't trust ARMY anymore because of K-ARMYs.

~Oh god let my bias live in peace~

[divorceegf]

Before the Leigh-Perrie-Jade trio, the Little Mix sisterhood was a quartet. I’m sure almost all GLAMOUR readers will remember Jesy Nelson’s shock departure in December 2020, citing the toll that being in the band had had on her mental health.

“It felt like a breakup, to be honest. It was really, really sad,” Leigh-Anne says. “I think that was normal, after us all being in the group together for so long. It was definitely something that took a lot of getting used to. It was a really hard time,” she says with a matter-of-factness that surprises me. Leigh-Anne is normally extremely reticent about her strained relationship with Jesy after a widely publicised feud in 2021. Leaked Instagram messages allegedly from Leigh-Anne accused Jesy of blackfishing in her solo music video for Boyz, which resulted in Jesy partaking in a scathing Instagram Live with collaborator Nicki Minaj, who seemingly accused Leigh-Anne of only speaking out at that time because Jesy was no longer helping Little Mix make money, and repeatedly referring to her – albeit without naming her directly – as a ‘f*cking clown’.

“It was about a month after giving birth to my twins, and I was suddenly caught up in this horrific online row and toxic Twitter debates,” she recalls. “But the fact that I had just given birth to these two angels is what saved me in that time. Because I feel like I probably would have had some crazy, like…” She pauses. “I don’t know; I would have let it consume me, and it probably would have been bad. But the fact I did have them made me go, ‘Just put your phone down, that stuff isn’t real. This, in front of you, is what’s real.’ The fact I have these two little lives that I have to take care of? Nothing else really matters. God, I just feel so grateful to experience it.”

– Glamour UK, October 2023 (x)

[mywitchcultblr]

Due to well even more disturbing submission that I got (they are not even anon at this point) and transphobic, homophobic and violent SA threats + DM I have no choice but to step back from this platform or at least decrease my activity here. I have been getting all of these bullshit from a few of my popular posts for so long but the recent one really getting far too much...

My initial post about twitter is basically boil down to "I get it that people doesn't want to deal with the garbage people from other platform but there are decent folks who might want to move into Tumblr due to the increased bigotry and toxicity from other platform especially from twitter after Elon musk buying it, maybe we shouldn't gatekeep that much"...

I think that's a pretty decent statement and not offensive in any way, but I guess that was too much for tumblr. Read below to see why I can't deal with it anymore, I often get anon hate and unpleasant DM because some of my post get really popular like my LGBT post that got around 30k notes and other post... But...

The recent DM is just too much and made realize that it's just not safe, I think there are people who always looking at my blog with malicious intentions... Someone also claimed they found my Instagram?? Not sure if it's true... But I do have an old Instagram with the picture of my face and my sibling... I think there are some people who always disagree or dislike my takes even before that twitter post...

TW and CW below

Yeah sorry that I'm so 'thin Skinned' but not all people can be tough on the internet all of the god damn time especially not when they already deal with their own mental issues, and I can't believe it victim blaming people who got doxxed, maybe I'm weak for being upset that for 1.5 year on this fucking app I got too many disturbing things being sent to me... Sure maybe it's all my fault... Maybe I deserve it

My head hurts... Maybe i should... I don't know... I haven't been okay in the past 3 years

[yonpote]

The thing that bothers me about dnp stan twitter is everyone caring so much about "notices" and follower counts. It feels like high school sometimes. Plus Dan and Phil don't really go here so it's more chill on Tumblr.

from my experience it seems like people care less about follower count now, but back in 2018 oh my god follower to following ratio was such an important thing even tho it literally doesnt matter? nowadays i have followers and mutuals who have a couple thousand followers and i have mutuals with like 20 followrrs and theyre all pretty chill to me!

also, its not that i dont care about notices, but for example i had dan answer a couple of my questions in his instagram q&a and i didnt really hold that in high regard (tho i did post them on twitter) cuz like, idk i asked q's about wad and then ended up not seeing wad anyhow so it felt weird to care about something like that, but at the time i was def excited about it and sent that to a couple of irls who knew about dan lol. and also im a chronic account deleter so all my notices are replies to accounts that dont exist anymore lol

the thing with it feeling like high school is well. even nowadays where we're all "old as fuck," most twitter phannies are either in or fresh out of high school so that makes sense to me. its one of the reasons why im strictly 18+ even when im not particularly nsfw.

i think there is a way to engage with twitter as a whole (not just phannie twitter) that is not toxic and i think i have been doing it somewhat, but also i think inherently the structure of twitter makes for a place that discourages nuance and encourages getting clicks as fast as possible which isnt the fault of stans (although yknow we could argue about stan culture till the cows come home) but just how twitter works lol. but so far it's been alright, it's nice to just kinda drop my thoughts on there but i think i def prefer having my paragraphs of rambles on tumblr lol

[bylightofdawn]

I just had a very surreal realization that my AO3 acct is dated from 2009 and that there are probably people on this hellsite who are younger than that acct. I looked at my old fanfiction.net profile filled with shameful Naruto shit I like to pretend I never wrote and that was created in 2003.

And there are DEFINITELY people on this hellsite who are younger than that. Have I really been writing fanfiction for 20+ years at this point? When the fuck did that happen? It doesn't feel like I've been writing fanfic for two god damn decades.

I mean, I've fully embraced my place as a fandom elder. One of those weird 'older' adults that obnoxious Gen-Z shitlords whinge about daring to enter their fandom and occupy the same space as them but most of the time, I don't really pay that much attention to things like age of those I'm sharing a fandom with. My only caveat is that I won't interact with underage people mainly because I do write adult shit and I don't want to deal with that kind of drama.

Sure, I get annoyed when I see people reblogging posts about how the younger generation of people in fandom are being ageist and trying to gatekeep 'old people' and those who came before them and paved the way for them. That definitely tends to get my goat but I like to think for the most part I don't follow many dramatic people so I don't have to deal with the nasty part of tumblr as a general rule.

I'm just here vibing in my own happy little bubble writing mediocre fanfic and probably talking about my cat too much on the internet. I don't bother with DNI lists and have a pretty strong no bullshit or fandom/ship wank on my blog policy and honestly? It's pretty nice. I come here once a day or so, absorb all the gorgeous fanart /fanfic and creative works there are in my little corner of tumblr and then I tab out of this hellsite and just vibe through the rest of my day.

I don't have facebook or tik tok, don't bother with Instagram etc. I have a twitter which I never use and mainly scroll through once or twice a week and that's about it. I experience just enough social media that I can enjoy my time here and then I'm out and I feel like I have a much healthier relationship with social media because of that.

I'm kind of curious to see where I'll be in ten years, if I will still be engaging in fandom then and still writing mediocre fanfic. Not going to lie, I didn't think I'd still be writing fanfic in 2023 when I was taking my first steps into fandom in 2003.

Hopefully, if I am, I am still vibing and enjoying my little bubble. Maybe one day I will actually pick up a grammar book and learn how to NOT write in passive voice and will be able to overcome the mediocre English lessons I was taught in Texas public schools. I know I'm never going to be some hugely popular fanfic writer and I'm pretty okay with that. Having seen the way fandom gets super toxic around super popular fics and people, I'm super okay with just writing with my heart and popping my head up every couple of years to offer something I hope people will enjoy and maybe want to read.

Then I'll drift into the shadows, disappearing from the internet for a year or two as my interests get piqued by something else and one day pop back up on tumblr back on my regular bullshit.

[officialdeedelgado]

My instagram: "signs you were raised by a toxic parent"

Ok nope

Goes to twitter: "come watch my special offer livestream ;)"

No thanks

Tries tiktok: "Reddit, when did you find out you were being stalked?"

God no I don't wanna think about this either

Actual Reddit: "Here's a list of cracked software that might end up with you getting raided, a full book on how to make all illegal Street drūğ§, and some adorable cat memes"

So hi Tumblr.

[ameliorates]

i’ve been thinking a lot lately about social media which..... duh, yes, i have made a foolish decision to get a phd studying it. why did i do that. (it’s heaps of fun.) but anyway, yeah, thinking a lot about how when i write my thesis i talk about joy and connection and loss and nostalgia and feeling in these spaces but how i haven’t felt a lot of those things with regards to most of my social media in quite a while. they’re kind of empty boxes i go to to read and consume and i’m participating less and less. and part of me gets all “oh god, not the ‘social media is toxic we all need less screen time or society is doomed’ rhetoric, has it got to me??” and like... no, i still love social media spaces and don’t feel the need to do some detox in the name of wellness or whatever. 

(and sidenote, i don’t think it’s any coincidence that that sort of discourse works so well with neoliberal wellness bs because it’s so individualising + focused on actively cutting off forms of community and support? like.... there are people for whom ‘less screen time’ means cutting out whole social lifelines. but i digress.)

and with the Fall of Twitter i’ve realised how much i’ve kind of grown to hate a lot of the platforms i’m on and self-censor myself there. like i’m deleting tweets, imagining i’ll be perceived in a certain way, all the things i’m reading and writing about in other areas of academic work those are the things i’m feeling

without the social element, the active engagement and community and conversation, it sometimes just feels like inhaling information and forgetting to breathe

i’m wondering about making tiktoks of my cat, sharing her cuteness with other strangers. about going back to my sewing instagram and seeing if talking to people there helps me keep up my creative habits. if maybe coming back here will change that, to a softer place where i’ve always felt i can just ramble freely, my little internet diary that may or may not get read 

maybe?

[cinematicwhore]

this poem is my fucking bible right now and one of the few ways I can ground myself after the terrible mistake of seeing my ex again. I am just hurting so bad. firstly this person i totally trusted and gave ALL of myself to ripping the rug out from under me. secondly the realizations of how fucking toxic it became and i was so blind. the things i was made to feel bad for, constantly apologizing, constantly promising I would be better when HE WAS THE PROBLEM!! all along! i didn’t know any better, it was my first relationship and I was emotionally taken advantage of and strung along. i was so sad and lonely with him, it got to the point he was the only thing i thought would make me happy and even when we were together i was so anxious if he would want to kiss me or have sex or if i would upset him or if something happened it was due to the porn addiction like oh my god!! i was disarmed by his outward kindness. inside he is an emotionally immature person who needs help. this man said “well we have to date people to find out what we want” EXCUSE ME? HURTING PEOPLE AND DESTROYING WOMENS LIVES JUST IN THE HOPE Y O U CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT Y O U WANT?! i never realized how selfish he was. god just being around him again I felt so small and already felt the need to protect his feelings and apologize and BEG. i sat there and let him give me parameters for OUR BREAKUP. i gotta go no contact no matter what. i just gotta ride this fucking shit out. letterboxd is the hardest part. i don’t know if ill ever have the strength. we just love movies man. it was the center of our world. for now if I have to like a letterboxd review or two and carry on with my day so be it. i removed him from twitter and instagram those two felt the most invasive and toxic. idk it’s just so awful. a new kind of pain i’ve never felt but still tapping into some of my deepest wounds and traumas. I will never let anyone have this much control over my life again. i will never beg for attention, time together, sex, kissing, intimacy, LOVE, ever again. when i meet the right person it’s going to feel easy for longer than just the first fucking date. it’s going to feel like a sigh of relief. i’m ready to heal and get in my new apartment and have a new rebirth and love myself and find HOPE again. i can have endless movie nights with me and my dog and my kitty. in a home designed with my own two hands full of nothing but love and things I cherish. with a beautiful view. i will be more than okay, I will be better!