#ugh its 1:30am here so take this!!

[boimlerkisser]

Brea and Rex in 'civvies' inspired by @antisocial-mariposa!

I imagine she convinced him to sneak off to Batuu for a day to get away from everything and they're enjoying a bit of ice cream together to beat the heat! She told him he had a bit on his face but it was just an excuse to fluster him > w < ❤️💙❤️💙❤️

Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @miutonium @cherry-bomb-ships @rosieaurora @rejaytionships @sunflawyer @in-true-blue-love @tropicalgothships @little-miss-selfships @hotrodharts @cupiidzbow @frozenhi-chews

[evie-sturns]

pick me up - Matt Sturniolo

summary: you get heavily rejected at a house party, matt comes to pick you up while you're in tears.

contains: !bestfriend matt, fluff, sfw, swearing.

———-----------------*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*---------—————

blaring music rang through my ears as i pushed through the crowd of people, coming face to face with the boy ive had ny eyes on since the 8th grade.

"hey, didn't expect to see you here!" i say chirpily, gripping the red solo cup in my hand as my knuckles turn white. he looks me up and down "well obviously im here its my fucking houseparty" he says blankly, i feel the tips of my ears go red as all of his friends stare at me.

"oh, must've forgot." i say nervously as i look everywhere but him.

the silence grows between us as i regret not drinking more earlier, im notoriously more confident when drunk. suddenly my mouth opens.

"wanna go upstairs?" i say biting my lip and looking up at him.

all of his friends collapse into laughter, including him. "yeah.. nope, your probably the last person i'd choose. sorry." he says, turning his back to me, he laughs to his friends "who does this desperate whore think she is?" he scoffs.

i feel my eyes burn as i rush towards the front door, i swing it open "what the fuck dude" a guy yells as the door smashes into his knees. i ignore him as tears well in my eyes, i run down the front steps of the porch, theres a few people scattered in the front lawn.

the music becomes more muffled and quiet as i run farther away from the party. i take a seat on side walk reaching into my purse for my phone as my hands shake, tears stream down my cheeks as i dial matts number.

matts been my bestfriend for as long i can remember, hes the only person whos been there for me through everything, hes also the only person that would be awake at 1:30am.

the phone rings 3 times before he picks up.

"matt?" i say sniffling.

"y/n? you alright, i'm about to go to bed." he mumbles into the phone.

"please pick me up, i shared my location" i say shakily holding back tears.

"ugh. fine." he groans, clearly not noticing how upset i am.

i look up as i see matts van driving down the street, he honks twice as his van approaches me. i stand up as his car gets closer, the headlights shine right on my face, which had mascara smudged all over it. his face instantly drops as he sees mine.

he jumps out of his van and speed walks towards me "hey, hey what happened?" he says looking at me, worry spread across his face. i don't respond, i know i'll start crying if i do.

without warning he picks me up, carrying me as he opens the passenger side to his van placing me down and buckling me in.

he sits down in the driver seat and looks me in my eyes, my bottom lip quivers as i try to maintain eye contact. the lump in my throat grows as he stays silent, waiting for me to speak.

suddenly i burst into sobs, matts eyes instantly widen as he grabs my hand. tears flow down my face as ragged breaths escape my throat.

"matt i asked him if he wanted to go upstairs with me, he laughed, so did all his friends, he said.." i squeeze out in-between sobs as i throw my face into my hands

"what did he say?" matt says calmly, but i can sense his worry.

"he said i was his last choice, and i was a desperate whore." i cry.

matt stays silent for a few second "oh sweetheart.." matt says leaning over the cupholder and pulling me into a tight hug. "you wanna come home with me? i think it will be easier." he says trying to distract me and i nod.

(20 minutes later)

my tears have stopped for now, i dont want to make matt feel bad.

we pull into his driveway and he helps me out of the car, grabbing my purse and holding my hand, taking me inside. "nick and chris are asleep, so try be quiet okay?" he says softly as we walk into his room.

i bend over to take off my black heels. matt rummaged through his drawers and pulls out one of his t-shirts and some sweatpants, "you can wear these, they'll be too big but its fine." he says handing them to me.

"you didnt have to-" im cut off my a finger on my lips "its literally the bare minimum, go get dressed." he says smiling and pushing me into his bathroom.

after a few minutes, i walk out into his bedroom, he's on his phone lying in bed. "feeling better?" he says looking up at me then standing up. "yeah matt, honestly thank you." i say as he pulls back his duvet covers. he walks over to me and picks me up, launching me into his bed from a meter away, i gasp loudly as i hit the matress. matt collapses into laughter "my bad."

i catch my breath as he yanks the cover up to cover me, "wait matt where the fuck are you sleeping?" i say concerned. he walks over to me and pushes me to the side of the bed. he leaps into bed beside me, launching me a half foot into the air "are you trying to kill me matt?" i say slapping his arm as he laughs.

"go to sleep." he says pressing a kiss to my forehead before laying down beside me.

———-----------------*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*---------————

cute!! dont be shy send me some requests yall

[lutawolf]

hi Ms Luta, sunny sub🐛 here, reporting back on how yesterday went. sooooo, i have good news and not so good news….. the good news is that i got done all the tasks i listed out yesterday! the. not so good news is that it did Not exactly happen in a timely manner and so my guideline of a reasonable bedtime got disregarded for what ended up being a 3:30am bedtime. i’m sorry… :/ i was honestly trying, but i got side tracked while cleaning my room, and what was supposed to be just dusting my bookshelf turned into a “quick” rearranging of the knick knacks on there, and then one thing led to another and i ended up reorganizing my whole bookshelf, individually going through all the books and setting aside a pile to donate, and then creating a brand new organization system for the books going back on the shelf. the task just kept getting bigger and bigger and i had stacks of books all over my bed and floor and so i had to see it to the end. (i doubt it will be a surprise to hear that i’ve got adhd) and my “productive studying day” today has yet to begin now at its 4pm… i’m struggling so much to stay on task and stay focussed, its literally taken me like an hour just to write this because i keep getting distracted. i really really need to at least get these few things done to be prepared for my mandarin lesson tomorrow morning, so here’s the plan: i actually have to go to bed no later than 11pm tonight so that i’m functional during my early morning lesson on sat. i need to study my vocab flashcards, do my vocab writing exercises, revise the 2 reading passages, go back over the lesson pages in the textbook since it’s been a while since my last lesson, complete the grammar exercise and submit it (with an apology for submitting it so last minute..), and then finally do a little prep on the planned topic for the conversation practice part of the lesson (looking up words i dont know related to the topic, etc). i really hope i’m able to to focus in and get this stuff done so i’m prepped for my lesson tomorrow and it can actually be a productive class because i don’t want to waste my teachers time or mine and i’m mad that i left my studying to the last minute because i really love doing these lessons with her. ugh anyways i need to stop talking and actually focus and get to work!! 😓 i really hope you’re doing well today and that you got to see at least 1 beautiful thing! xx 🐛

Hey, sunny sub!

Okay, so moving forward, all studying and work things come before rearranging. Cleaning and organizing can help you feel better and should matter, but studying and work are what help you live well. Take care of those and you'll have more free time.

So prioritize those first. Especially as that will help organize your ADHD mind and kind of wear it out.

You've got this!

Love, Luta 💜💜💜

[gaydivorcetual]

shes disgusting I cant stand to have her anywhere nesr me. fuck. shes annoying she talks to her friends all fucking night. last night ar 1:30am she was literally YELLING on a discord call. Regardless of if I was there you could 100% hear it through the walls so its annoying the neighbors too. She outs her shoes and plushies around the room all the fucking time. Would be fine if it was contained to her side but it isnt. Every day I gotta kick her shit outta my way. she steals my chair cushion I brought. I lent it to her ONE time bcs my bed hadn't been raised yet so there was furniture blocking my chair. One fucking tume and now she tajes it aby time im not in the room. AT LEAST she's stopped watching mr beast at 9 in the morning w/o headphones. She broke my stuff. Yeah its replacable but it was from my dad and i liked it. AND SHE STILL TOOK THE CUSHION AFTER BREAKING THINGS TI GET TO IT. she never fucjing leaves the room except for vlasses and always complains that she has no friends here. She even doordashes food that's less than a minutes walk away. And its aklays string smelling food too. Not even Bad smelling necessarily but bonestly I'd like to be able to walk in the rook one fucking day without smelling your fucking take out. GOD i genuinely feel gross being around her I cant even take the thiught of touching any of her shit wuth bare hands. I tripped bcs of one of her shoes in the way and fell on the side of her bed and i literally was abt to vomit I cabt handle being around her um gonna kill myself. UGH even killing myself because of her is gross

[dear-happypills]

me: why am i so depressed

always. like, its not getting better...

happypills: you look fine to meh yooo. you look super star.

me: -_-;; i lost confidence in your support a long time ago.

sigh*

happypills: no, but really... i mean, i was asking my friend and his Host's, Jasons i think, situation just..... SUCKS.

like, living in a war torn country... like, you know?

like,.... just surviving.... to literally stay alive

compared to tthhhatt.... id say were doing pretty swell???

me: wait.... you have friends? what friend???

happypills: umm... my friend happypills.

me: wtf.... so when you say Host, does that mean i am your Host??? like how this other happypills is to this jason???

happypills: woww.... youre really not seeing the bigger picture here. all im saying is that you have a home, stable job, food on the table, money coming in....

me: ... and coming out because of all the shit you spend....

happypills: SEEE. why cant you focus on the positive. others think youre doing fineeee.

me: BUT.... IM NOT.

im not ...........

im stifled in anxiety for.... anything and everything... like im barely getting by each thing, every day.

... i..... wake up at night.

and think about some random shit -- past, present, future...

and i obsess over it. FOR HOURS.

and because i cant get sleep because of that, the next day i go to bed at like 8pm. but that turns to 12am .... just thinking. and lying on the bed. for 4 hours.

then i wake up around 1:30am... and do the same thing.

and turns to 4am.

and then at 5am im awake.... and go to work.

and rinse and repeat.

FOR WHAT??? like what???? i do all this just to survive too...

happypills: yea..... BUT i was speaking of surviving in terms of like... a bomb might drop ... and you lose a limb.

surviving like,.... youre starving.

surviving like,.... like someone might just bust into your place and rape you -- legit dick in butt type rape.

surviving like.... do i need to go on?

me: oh, so jason can afford happypills, but hes starving... thats me too. Bleh, ANYWAYS,... anyways,

i UNDERSTAND. but,.................. im drowning.

im....

in paralysis...

to a point where i cant go out of my home, aside from the routine i have of going to work and buying cigarettes.

happypills: ... yea, you really need to stop spending money on postmates.... and you tell me that i spend all your money??? just go out and buy McDonalds....

me: ...................................

.as i was saying....

i ..... am in paralysis. i .... cant ... explain it either. its anxiety... its depression. its stress. its ....

happypills: you just need to go out and meet some people???

me: UGH. you sound like everyone else; youre not listening...

i cant. just do that.... i dont know how to put something new into a routine ive made so that i can afford shit for myself....

JUST TO SURVIVE.

you know....

when i was in college, and students would take leaves for like a year or two.... or take a break from work and travel for a few months...

or something. to pause and change the pace.

that was never an option for me....

because the entire time....

i just want to survive. and get by. and if i took a break, the anxiety of falling behind...

would just get me to keep running....

happypills: oh jeez, its not like you have a PhD... or are a CEO.... or President... chillout

me: im not saying im climbing up... nor do i even want that.

i just.... need to keep a routine going.

a routine where i can exist.

because when it ends.

i dont rest,... but am anxious about not running...

so i forcefully, and barely, find a new routine.... and then run again, and run faster because of this fear of not being able to adapt....

and another cycle again. each time, worse and more difficult than before....

you know what i mean????

like.....yea, as you say, i know im not at immenent threat of being raped... but

i am just surviving....

....with this depression.

ugh........................................

..........................................idk..

i shouldve just.... taken a leave.

....

.

and never come back....

happypills: ....................................

.......................................

YEAaaaHHhHhhhhhhhh.......... ...................

BUT im still not really getting this surviving thing..

i mean compared to jaso..............

me: fuck you.

- happypills

[writingsfromhome]

Endgame III

A/N: Long awaited final part of Endgame!! Thanks to everyone who read it all and waited ages (oops). I really enjoyed going back to the characters for this final scene, hope you do too <3

Part 1 / 2 /

-------------------------------------------

There’s a pit of dread that sits in my stomach, it’s made a home of it there all of Sunday while I work on Angels, and into Monday. It’s 8:30am sharp and I’m sat in the meeting room, nervous as fuck about this meeting with Mr. O’Neil. I’m scared that he hates me because I reacted too emotionally on Friday sending the manuscript back to him. I’m worried he’s going to find my comments on his new chapters worthless. And most of all, because I know it won’t go well, I’m scared about the way he’s going to react to the cover designs.

I don’t expect him to look so…giddy when he arrives 15 minutes later. He looks sharp in a crisp black button up and black slacks. I check my watch again, Harry was officially late which was unusual of him. I guess this was going to be a one-woman show until then.

“Mr. O’Neil,” I shake his hand. “Thanks for swinging by today.”

“Thank you,” he grips my hand tight. “You’re a spark Ms. Y/L/N.”

“It’s just Y/N,” I sit down once he finally lets go of my hand. “Now, I’m hoping those files in your hand are the last chapters?”

“They are,” he says slowly. “I brought them myself so they wouldn’t be sent back.”

My smile drops, “Ahm yeah about that, I-“

“It was the punch I needed,” he grins. He plonks down in the chair and begins pulling out more files from his bag. “Miriam has always treated me delicately, stern woman but always so delicate. You were the spark I needed, those chapters showed back up at my flat and you wouldn’t believe I wanted to chuck them across the room first--well, I did chuck them. Then I picked them all up because I’m afraid of my girlfriend. Then I laughed for five minutes solid, because nobody has slapped me like that without touching my face in a long time.”

“I…” didn’t know what to say. I was expecting major conflict today but this version of him is pumped and creative as he shows me his last chapters, takes in my feedback, and disagrees with me here and there. We flow well, that is until about an hour later. We’d done the copy edits live on the last two chapters together and he was going to take it back to fix everything Miriam and I had circled and underlined. But now it was time to reveal the cover options.

I glance miserably outside the glass room, but Harry is nowhere in sight. Leave it up to him to leave me presenting his shite.

“So…these are some of the options we have so far,” I flip over the mock-ups like I’m reading his tarot. From the look on his face, he hates what the future has in store. “They’re just some-

“No. No. These are shite. Steaming pile of shite, Y/N what is this?”

“Well,” I rack my brain for something. Anything. “We were trying for a modern and trendy cover as an option-“

“I hate all of them, why the fuck is this neon? It’s gonna blind my reader before they can even read my book! Is my book that bad?”

“No of course-“

“So why do the covers make my book look like something I’d wipe my arse with?” He stands in his chair, quickly collecting all the mockups. “These are insulting.”

“Right, okay well we’ve still got time to work on more!”

“I know we do,” he looks me in the eye and it’s intimidating, any traces of the happy-go-lucky O’Neil is gone. “But even presenting these to me is a fucking insult. I know you’ve read my book cover to cover so what’s the meaning of this?”

Ugh, it would be so easy to throw Harry under the bus. Shift the blame, say I told you so. But that wasn’t how I worked, I never wanted to create that kind of dynamic in the workplace.

“Look, Mr. O’Neil…I do sincerely apologize. If I’m honest with you, I don’t think they’re right either. But you know the book business is also now a marketing business and readers do judge a book by its cover. Our department was just trying to make something trendy, but I see very clearly now we should stick to an authentic cover that will show someone the heart of the book.”

He nods along to what I’m saying, and when I’m done he give me a once-over. “I like you kid, you know how to kiss up too.”

“I’m good at my job,” I say before I realize the weight of those words-I was good at my job and a man like Harry Styles wasn’t going to undermine the hard work I do like this. “I meet with you next Friday with your finished edits right? I’ll have new mock-ups then.”

“That’s grand,” he calmy folds over the neon cover, reopens it and tears it in two. I watch with a removed shock. “This is awful, worst of the bunch. Eh, I don’t hate the direction…just tone down those fucking colours.”

“Will do Mr. O’Neil.”

“And I want to meet this Friday for the covers and this fancy marketing bullshite. This book is my baby, I want to make sure it looks beautiful.”

I agree, mentally making a note to make room in my schedule. I shake his hand again and walk him through the office to the lift. He tells me again we work well together, and I remind him that I’ll see him next week.

Then I walk back to the meeting room, kick my heels off, and melt into my seat. What a fucking morning.

“Y/N?” I don’t know if I dozed off but my name startles me out of position. I blink the tiredness away and see a nightmare: Harry in the flesh way after the meeting’s done. “How did the meeting go?”

“What?” I look at the time, almost 20 minutes since I saw O’Neil out. I feel the familiar rage flare up inside me. “Are you asking me how the meeting went? The meeting you were supposed to attend?”

“I was supposed to be there?” Harry steps into the room. Almost sensing my impending explosion, he closes the door behind him. “I wasn’t informed.”

I laugh but nothing is funny. “You weren’t informed? So let me get this straight: we work on this together, we’re told by our director we’re on this together. And our client comes in and you didn’t think to attend? Did I have to personally email you to attend? Send you an email, a notification, maybe even an RSVP?”

“Hold on,” Harry holds his hands out as I stalk closer to him. He glances outside and it catches my attention, a couple of our colleagues stare at the entertainment. I move to the centre console and black out the windows.

“I’m holding on, what genius excuse are you coming up with?”

“No Y/N, I honestly didn’t know. I rarely attend the editing meetings, unless I’m told directly. I attend marketing meetings and-“

“You knew we were presenting the stupid mockups in today’s meeting right? Isn’t that marketing?”

“Right,” he doesn’t meet my eye. “I guess I could have came-“

“Yeah you guess?” I’m back to cornering him, my rage rearing its ugly face. “You gave me the worst covers ever, even though I asked and begged you to change them! Because you were too fucking stubborn to read the damn book or listen to anyone but yourself! And you left me all alone to present the covers I knew he would hate! And guess what? He hated them! And if I was any worse at my job, he would have eaten me for breakfast! All because you wouldn’t bloody listen to me!”

“I listened,” he crosses his toned arms. “I read through your notes and I tried! And you hated what your own notes produced!”

“Oh my god the notes?” I walk away from him, I was shaking. I take hold of the cover ripped in half and throw it by his feet. “You clearly don’t read shit if you’re saying this hideous cover was from my notes! I do my job well, and whatever this thing is, isn’t a product of my notes! It’s a product of your shitty work! And that’s exactly how O’Neil felt about it!”

He stares at the two pieces in front of him. And I don’t know how he’s still so calm, but he looks back at me with a blank face. “I’ll make new ones if he didn’t like them. I can call him personally if you want. It’s not that big of a deal at this stage!”

“Oh my god,” I whisper to the table, balancing on my clenched fists. I had moved past rage, past frustration, and into ballistic. He just didn’t get it: he was undermining my work with a client while I was trying to make a good impression for upcoming promotions, even stripped back he was a man undermining my skills as a woman, making me look like a fool while I presented his shitty work. He just didn’t get it.

“Just leave,” I say to the table because I couldn’t even look at him. “I can’t even look at you Harry just get the fuck out.”

The door opens, he hesitates, and then leaves, the door slams behind him. Only then do I go back to my seat, slide down under the table, and let the tears run freely.

This meeting, the pressure of this client, dealing with Harry and his brick wall…it was a lot but nothing I couldn’t handle. But I think seeing my ex on Saturday, reliving my past and realizing Harry giving me a hard time was an outcome of my toxic relationship. That a relationship I ended five years ago was interfering with my career today. That all men were the same…It got to me, and it just broke me.

***

I don’t plan on seeing let alone talking to Harry for the rest of the day but as I leave the office after staying later than I needed to, the lift doors open to him and him alone. He makes nervous eye contact with me, and it takes me back a little. That he was nervous seeing me. Usually he didn’t give a fuck no matter what happened between us, even bordering on snobbish and cocky.

The silence is a large presence in the small space. Since seeing him this morning, I’d cried under the table and then reapplied my makeup in the bathroom. I downed another coffee and got started on another one of my manuscripts. I could work hard as much as I cried hard.

“Y/N I’m-“

The door opening interrupts Harry which makes it ten times more awkward when someone from the third floor gets on and stands in between us. They must notice the tension because they step forward away from us, ready to bolt as soon as the doors open.

When they do, I hustle off but Harry and his damn long legs catch up. “Wait, I need to apologize.”

I glare at him but lead him out the door to our building courtyard. “Fine. Talk.”

“I am genuinely sorry. I can’t believe I let all that happen, and I don’t know why I let it get that far for something I…”

“What are you apologizing for exactly?” I ask. He was rambling, and some part of me understood what he was apologizing for, knowing what I knew from Saturday. But I wanted him to say it.

He hangs his head, “A lot. I’m sorry I didn’t have your back. I let…other things cloud my professional opinions and I didn’t support you when I should have.”

For a guy who worked with pictures all day, he wasn’t too bad with his words. But I needed more. “What ‘other things’?”

He looks at me with puppy eyes, begging me not to go there. But I wanted to, I needed to. I raise an eyebrow, he could talk.

“The past.”

“You mean other people’s opinions?” I demand clarity.

“I-sure. Yeah, just holding onto what happened in the past and I know it shouldn’t even matter anymore. We’re both adults, well you’ve been acting like one. I’ve been clinging onto the past and I know I should let it go. Even though it was…painful, I know I should put it to rest now. You could have thrown me under the bus and called me to defend my own covers but you handled it. I…thank you. And if I haven’t already said it I’m sorry.”

I don’t exactly follow him but I let my guard down a little. He didn’t need to know my past was clinging onto me, but if he could let go, maybe it would shed itself slowly.

“You owe me so hard,” I say. “Like, the weight of what you owe me indebts you for life.”

“A bit harsh,” he begins to argue but one look at my face and he puts his hands up. “Whatever you say.”

“Great, glad we’ve sorted this.” I move to shake his hand in a silly gesture of good faith. “Apology accepted by the way; thank you.”

“Great, you drive a hard bargain but...nice doing business,” he clasps my hand in his and-oh.

A warm tingle moves through my body and when I make eye contact I can’t look away. I don’t know what was happening, but I was in zero gravity and the only thing keeping me moored was the strong hand that held mine.

He drops our hands first, like he was burned. He looks down, staring at it. I’m embarrassed, and confused, so I do what I do best-confront it head on. “What the hell was that?”

The only way to describe Harry’s expression is wistful. “That wasn’t just me.”

“I think we just like, altered time and space by getting along.” I laugh it off.

“Who knew we were so powerful together,” he grins and I’m fucking floored by how much I wanted to kiss the grin off his face. I take a shaky breath in.

“Fuck,” I take another breath. “We could run this place.”

“Oh that reminds me,” he digs into his pocket for his phone and taps away until he finds what he’s looking for. “I want to change the font but I have a design to show you.”

He turns the phone towards me and I immediately love it. A warm semi-circle goes from orange to golden towards its edges, emitting a transparent glow over most of the cover. A faint moon is present on the back, and the background is an off-white.

“And the shape will actually be raised, either that or the font will be…still workshopping it but,” he scratches his head. “I re-read your notes. You don’t have the neatest writing so I might have…missed a few words. The way you write moon looks kind of like neon?”

My jaw drops, “An apology, a re-read, admitting to being wrong, and a new design?”

“Don’t get used to it,” he nudges me with his shoulder and I ignore the inner waves crashing against my beating heart. “Anyway I gotta go, meeting some friends but I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow?”

I wave goodbye and walk towards my station. What the hell was happening.

***

The office is a lot calmer now that Harry and I have called a truce. And he surprises me with this new side of him. He can still be stubborn, and a bit stuck up. But he’s more agreeable and willing to collaborate with me. And when he turns his dimpled smile at me, I can’t help but beam back. We made a bloody good team.

I sit in the conference room 8:30 sharp on Friday. I put in some more effort this morning, feeling good about everything. Harry comes in just minutes before Mr. O’Neil but we settle down after getting him a tea.

“This is the ‘marketing department’ huh?” Mr. O’Neil winks at me when Harry hands him the new cover. His eyes roam over the whole thing and I hold my breath until I hear him say it: “It’s fucking fantastic.”

“There’s nothing you want to fix?” Harry asks for feedback as I grin from ear to ear.

“My name could be bigger, you know I wrote the book.” He taps at it. “But this is it, you two.”

We chat a bit more about the final version of the book, Harry pretends to know what’s going on since he’s never read the full thing. And finally, Mr. O’Neil calls an end to the meeting to continue working on his manuscript. I walk him to the lift. When I get back to the room, Harry’s organizing the papers that had traveled across the desk.

“We did it!” I shout after I close the door. I walk towards him with both hands raised high. “He loved the cover and the manuscript is on track!”

Harry returns my high-five, but instead of the quick touch, he slips his fingers in between mine and lowers them to our sides. The mood shifts from joyous to…dangerous.

“Who would have thought,” he says to me quietly. “We make a good team.”

I keep the eye contact otherwise I would be making eyes with his lips. And I didn’t want him to know how curious I was to how that would feel. “Who knew respect was a two way street.”

“It…” he looks down at my mouth. “It is. I’m glad I left our disrespect in the past.”

“Right,” I’m barely paying attention as he moves closer to me. But then his words hits, “wait, our disrespect in the past?”

I disentangle myself so quickly he has to balance himself on the table so he doesn’t pitch forward. He blinks away the desire, leaving a puzzled look. “I’m joking…kind of. I mean, it did feel a bit disrespected but we were kids so like I said the other day I’m glad I let it go.”

“I don’t get it,” I feel an oncoming storm, and it kicks my anxiety up a notch. “I don’t get what you just said.”

“I’m just talking about that party it’s-“ he chuckles. “It’s not a big deal Y/N. Anymore. We’re both different people now right?”

“What party?” I demand.

Realizing I had actually known Harry from my first day of uni was one thing, but I didn’t remember him anywhere else. If there was a party where something happened…something that caused him to misjudge me…I needed to know.

“Like, around the end of our second year? Spring. Jared and Dru had this huge year end party? And, this is embarrassing. I don’t care anymore seriously. But Dru was being my wingman, he came up to you to tell you that-jeez saying this is more embarrassing than I thought-“

“Just say it!” I urge, feeling sick. I knew this party. It was the night my whole life changed for the worse but I don’t remember this version of events. I needed to hear this.

“Okay, so I had this massive crush on you? From that first day. When…y’know behind the shed.” Harry chuckles. “Anyway I was too nervous to ever actually ask you out I’m sure you caught me staring at you a lot. All my friends knew how much I liked you and they were sick of hearing about it. So, well Dru was convinced you weren’t my type but he agreed to check you out and ask if you wanted to give me your number?”

I listen numbly as he tells me his version of events. That Dru asked me about his flatmate Harry who had a crush on me, if I would give him my number. How I’d looked at him sweetly and then kissed Dru. My jaw is on the floor but I can’t stop him from talking.

“And it’s whatever now but it felt cruel, I was so sure you were this one person and you ended up just making out with my best friend. And…dating him. And don’t get me wrong, it was your prerogative I didn’t own you or something just because I liked you first but…when you’re 20 everything is just more personal right? Hey, are you alright?”

I wasn’t alright. My head was spinning and yet it was cataloguing everything Harry said against my own memories. And when I think harder, I pin him down; he was the one staring at us when Dru came up to me. Of course he was staring so intensely, he wanted to know if I liked him and Dru manipulated both of us. He fucked us both up.

“That’s not what happened,” I croak. “Harry you have to know I-“

“It doesn’t matter,” he laughs it off but I see the hurt in his eyes. I unknowingly hurt him, left a deep scar, because Dru had manipulated us both. Fuck Dru.

“No Harry listen, Dru is a fucking liar-“

“Okay I don’t want to shit-talk Dru.” Harry interrupts. “He’s a friend, I know you ended up dating him and breaking up but he’s still my fri-“

“Would a friend date the girl you had a massive crush on? If you were in that position, doing that for Dru? Wouldn’t you have pushed me away and feel sorry for Dru that he had to see that?”

“Yeah but Dru and I are different-“

“No! No, Dru is different. He’s not decent. Harry I’m telling you that’s not what happened on my end at the party!”

“You were probably too drunk,” Harry denies my truth. “Anyway it’s not a big deal!”

“I wasn’t drunk. I remember everything!” I insist.

“So you remember seeing me there waiting, and still kissing Dru?” He pauses and this is how I know he was still not quite over it.

“Yes, no-just listen. Dru manipulated both of us-“

“Do you remember it or not?” Harry asks again, his eyes blazing with hurt.

I touch his arm, try to get him to calm down and understand even though feeling gaslit again was driving me crazy, “Harry, Dru isn’t who you think he is.”

Harry shuts down but I try again. “Dru used both of us,”

He grabs my arm so suddenly, jerking me away so my hand falls off. He keep it gripped as he says, “Dru’s my friend, just because you had a shitty relationship doesn’t mean you can turn me against him.”

“I’m not-” I begin to panic as his grip tightens. “Oh my god, Harry please just—let go. Harry let go of me!”

I don’t realize how loud I shout, but the moment makes me feel trapped and small like I had time traveled five years back. The silence echoes my frightened emotions in the spacious room and Harry steps back, almost shocked by his reaction. He looks at where he’d grabbed me, ashamed and scared.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just got…”

“Is everything okay here?” I hear our director say as the door opens. “I heard a shout…what’s going on?”

“Sorry, we got carried away.” Harry plasters on a quick smile. I arrange my face into one too, turning to face her. We lie about celebrating too loudly, she relaxes and congratulates us on the small success before closing the door behind her once more.

“Y/N,” he chokes. “I’m sorry.”

I’m shaking so hard I can’t look at him, I was so fucking weak like this. He comes closer but I shrink away.

We stand in our aftermath in silence, I don’t know what he looks like, I can’t take my eyes off the stray red thumbtack on the carpet. If I break my focus from it, I was going to fall apart. I couldn’t freak out, not here.

Finally, I get through breathing normally, and my eyes dry up. I feel okay enough to look up. Harry’s already looking at me, his jaw set and his hands curled into fists. For a second, I think it’s because of me but when our eyes meet his gaze softens, his fingers uncurl and flex at his side.

“Did he hurt you?” He asks. When I don’t answer he takes a tentative step towards me. “Y/N. Did he hurt you?”

I swallow, my throat suddenly feels parched. “My scars aren’t on the outside, he knew better than that.”

His throat bobs up and down, his face hardening into something fearsome. I always thought Harry gave me his worst side because he had some issues with me, but seeing him look like this, I’m glad I never had this directed towards me. “Dru is…”

“Dru is a fucking narcissist,” I finally say and it’s so freeing. Carrying this around was so heavy, finally saying my truth out loud even if it’s to his friend feel good.

“He fucks people up Harry, including you-wait let me finish.” I hold out my hand when he tries to interrupt. “I only remembered you last Saturday, when you helped me through…my attack. It triggered the memory from our first day--you have to know I used to get so confused and lethargic after an anxiety attack, so I never remembered who you were. I didn’t even see your face! I looked for you a few weeks later because I remembered your jersey number but it was someone else-“

“I was kicked off the team for showing up drunk…” Harry pauses, seeming to process something but he doesn’t voice it so I take it as my cue to continue.

“I actually didn’t remember you at all from uni. I guess because I didn’t remember you from that first day, you never made a first impression on me.” I take a breath. “And as for that party, that awful party. That’s not what happened. When Dru came up to me, he told me he had a bet with his mates-you guys, that a ‘girl like me’ wouldn’t kiss him. So I thought I was helping him by proving to his mates that a girl like me might.”

With the revelation, Harry folds into the chair behind him, processing everything I’m saying. And I continue, telling him what happened that night from my end. I don’t tell him how Dru slowly began to gaslight me, manipulate and isolate me, toy with my feelings. I don’t want to tell him how much he really broke me, I just tell him what he needs to know.

Nobody speaks for a moment, and then several moments pass. He gets up in a rush, running his fingers through his hair. It had grown in the two weeks since he’d cut it and it grows volume as he runs through it again.

“He tried to convince me you were-” he cuts off. “You were high maintenance, you just wanted attention. He told me I didn’t want someone-I didn’t want endgame at 18 but…” he looks at me, crushed. A million thoughts must flicker through his mind as he looks at me for a loaded minute. “I did.”

My words are caught in my throat as I understand how he had felt. How fucking different both our lives could have gone if he was the one to approach me that night at the party.

Before I can say anything he grabs his phone and checks it, he grabs all his things in a frenzy and pauses. “I’m going to fix this Y/N, I’m gonna make it right.”

“Wait what? Harry!” I try to call him back but he moves past me. I rush to move around him, stopping him with a hand to his chest. “Harry don’t do anything crazy. C’mon, let’s just talk.”

“Y/N, there are so many times......” his jaw flexes as he swallows his words.

His hand reaches out to me but they freeze in mid-air before they reach my face. He clenches them, dropping like dead weight to his side. I almost grab them, place them where they would have gone if he had the courage to carry the action out. But he just look at me, a painful faraway look on his face. “I’m sorry.”

His long legs carry him to the door before I can speak another word. I reach for the centre console that make the windows transparent, but he’s out of view by the time I do. I rush out of the room and see him in the doorway of our director’s office. Before I can call his name again, he’s shot off and our director walks out behind him. She notices me, “Y/N. Bring me your notes on Angels--if you’re free right now. Let’s go over it while we still have the momentum.”

God the last thing I can think of doing right now is work but I have nowhere to go, no excuse to give. I get back to the desk and pick up my notes and my laptop, I breathe in and think of all my fragmented pieces reigning back into my chest. I breathe out all the confusion, I put it to the side. Then I go two doors down and present my progress like everything was fucking okay.

***

Rowan’s shows up with wine on Saturday afternoon. I’d been ignoring her calls all of Friday and Saturday because I didn’t know how to break it to her. There was so much I had to hold back from her because I’d never told her the truth about Dru. And it scared me when I thought about coming clean.

“You’re screening my calls now?” She asks, her pup in hand. She lets him down and he shoots through my flat, familiar with it from all the times I dog-sit.

“I’ve just be-I’ve been-I-” I burst out crying before I can finish that sentence. She wraps herself around me and holds me tight and I hate myself for never telling her the whole truth. She holds me until my sobs turn into sniffles.

“Got it all out?” She asks when she pulls away.

“Probably not,” I say miserably. “But come in, sorry for being a shitty friend.”

“Shut up,” she makes herself at home. Unloading the tote from her shoulder that’s filled with food. “I’m going to make you lunch and you’re going to tell me everything about Dru and Harry.”

“What?” I sit on a stool at the bar. “How do you know this is about-“

“I’m with Jared now? I have an ear to the ground!” I look at her shocked. Her and Jared were together? She answers as if she could read my mind. “Yes! Can you believe it? He asked me the morning after, if I wanted to have a serious go at all this. I was like, it took you long enough! But…anyway this isn’t about me. Tell me what happened.”

“No you tell me,” I lean over the countertop. “Did Jared say something? What happened?”

“Okay,” she puts down her ingredients and I take the moment to pick her pup up before he scratches a hole in my jeans. “So I go over to Jared’s on Friday and the house looks like it went through the war. Not like, physically. Well there were things everywhere, but the atmosphere was so dead quiet. Jared takes me to the room and we pass by Harry in the hall. Jared’s like, where are you heading are you alright? And Harry’s all like, I need to get out of here-“

“Harry was there?”

“Yeah he lives in their spare attic bedroom?” She surprises me with the information like I should have already known that. “So I ask Jared what happened when we go and he said Harry came back from work early on Friday. And y’know Jared has odd hours so he was home. And he said Harry was just like a maniac. Jared tried to talk to him but it was like he was going to kill Dru and nobody could talk him out of it. And Jared knew it was serious, because even though they’ve drifted a lot since uni Harry still acted like Dru was his best mate. Jared said…”

Rowan trails off, looking at me curiously. She had this way of telling stories that jumped from one place to another but I couldn’t handle the suspense. I nearly shout, “What?”

“Well Jared said Dru has this way of getting underneath people. He knew how they ticked and he used that against people sometimes. Apparently they used to fight a lot because of that until Jared really put his foot down…Y/N, did he do that to you? Fuck you up like that? Jared said he tried to talk to Dru once when you two were dating but Dru like, got up in his face and nearly bit his head off. He always felt like that’s why Dru and you broke up because that was like the day before you two broke up. Anyway, you never said anything but…did he?”

I swallow. I guess this was it.

Through a brave face, and then a crumbling snotty one, I tell Rowan everything. Everything Dru did, and everything he didn’t technically do. At some point she comes around to sit beside me, holding my hand, my shoulder, and finally pulling me in to hold me while I blubber about how hard it had been.

“I’m so sorry,” Rowan says gently once I quiet down. “Y/N...why did you keep all this to yourself?”

“I just-” I wipe my nose with my sleeve, not caring at this point how disgusting that was. “He took everything away from me, even my identity. I thought if I didn’t tell anybody, nobody had to know how little he reduced me down to. If I didn’t say it aloud, maybe it was only in my head.”

“Oh love,” Rowan’s bottom lip quivers.

“Don’t you dare cry or I’m going to find a whole new waterfall of my own.”

“I won’t!” Rowan laughs but tears trail silently down her face. “That piece of shite. And I...oh god and I always told you to get over it. No wonder you...”

“I always thought it was curious,” Rowan stares off into space when I only shrug. “I only remember Harry from uni because I always found him looking at you, no matter what room we were in, how many people were in there I was always like, this bloke must really like my mate an awful lot because he’s always looking! That or he was a creep. But when you started dating he-who-must-not-be-named, I never looked into it.”

“I didn’t remember him,” I tell her. “He was actually the footballer that helped me my first day. I didn’t realize until that party last weekend.”

“Shut up!” Rowan looks shocked. “That’s so cute.”

“Is it?” I hesitate, realizing Rowan still hadn’t finished her story. “Finish your story, about Dru and Harry.”

“Oh yeah,” Rowan glances to the other side of the kitchen. “I should get back to lunch too.”

She heads around, chopping the vegetables and finishes telling me what happened.

Harry:

I feel fucking on fire, I can’t sit still and the more I move the more I want to punch the living shite out of Dru.

“Just, hold on!” Jared tries to stop me for the fifth time. “What’s this all about?”

“Dru’s fucking-he’s-he’s dead!” I roar. “How did I not see it earlier Jared? That little weasel got in between me and everything I ever loved!”

“What? Har, I know he’s a dick but what did he do?”

“Everything!” I shout. “He’s the reason I showed up drunk to football, he got me kicked off the team! So she never found me! And that internship in first year, he convinced me to be young and free and turn it down! He-Jared he lied to me about her! He knew how I felt and he took her, he fucked her up! He fucked her up!”

“Wait, who is this about-” Jared tries to dig deeper but I push past him when I hear the door open. Jared’s barely taken his jacket off when I have him pushed against the wall, my arm pressed against his throat.

“Harry, mate, what’s-”

“You’re sick, you’re fucking sick for what you’ve done.” I let him go, and he gets a moment to glance from me to his brother before my fist connects with his face.

“What the fuck!” He falls to the floor, clutching his face. “What the fuck’s wrong with you!”

“You lied!” I push him back up. “You lied through your fucking teeth about everything!”

He shoves me in the chest and the narrow hallway catches me on the opposite wall. That only pumps me, I shove him back and with no more words between us we’re a tornado of fists, one to my face, another to his abdomen, his head in a lock, Jared trying to break us apart and gets clipped in the face by his brother.

By the time I have him laying flat on his back, I deliver another fist to his face, but Dru spits blood up at me and laughs. He has the fucking nerve to laugh.

“It’s got to be about a girl,” his voice is hoarse, his breath comes out shaky. “It’s about her isn’t it?”

I lift him by his shirt and crash him back down onto the floor. I vaguely hear Jared, his hand catching my fist before it hits Dru again. I get one more punch with my other hand but Jared is pulling me away from Dru’s defeated form on the ground, sitting my ass on the staircase. But Dru’s sick enough to still have an amused smile on his face.

Everywhere hurts, but I can’t even focus on my own pain when I still want to cause Dru more. Jared holds me back like he knows. Dru props himself slowly on his elbows, shaking his head.

“Did you two talk? Did she finally give you that number Styles? What did she say about me? I’m a monster, I fucked her up? She’s a manipulative bitch-”

“Shut the fuck up-” I jump up but Jared pulls me back again and his hand presses a sore spot on my ribs, I crumple on the step.

“She really did a number on you didn’t she?” Dru sits up. “She knows how to get in your head. Did she tell you I lied? She was obsessed with me Harry, she was a clingy bitch and you don’t know her-”

“I know her,” I use the banister to stand up. “I’ve been working with her since I started my new job, I know her more than you ever did. You were wrong about her. About everything, you only ever gave me shitty advice.”

It gives me satisfaction, seeing the look on Dru’s face. I’d caught him by surprise, he really never knew. “So you’re keeping secrets from me now? You’re letting her come between us?”

“I don’t owe you shite. You’re nothing to me,” I walk over to him still sitting on the ground. “Don’t you ever put her name in your fucking mouth. And if I ever see you talking to her, looking at her, you won’t be able to tell your face from your arse. I know exactly what you are, I can’t believe I was so blind this whole time...you’re fucking dead to me Dru.”

It takes a moment for Dru to focus on me, “I’ll see what happens when she breaks your heart, you won’t have me around when that happens. And it will happen, she’s a slut who’s going to-”

I’m out of body when I swing my fist at his face and it makes a sickening crunch. Dru howls in pain and I stumble back, my fist throbbing in hot flashes.

“Enough!” Jared shouts, jumping in between us. When Dru goes to say something about me Jared blocks Dru from my view. “Enough you fucking dick! Enough! You’ve done enough!”

Dru shuts up; in all the years I’d known them, Jared never raised his voice at his younger brother. I’d heard them bicker plenty, arguing behind closed doors, but Jared never shouted at him like this. The shock is enough to push me out of the fog I was in.

The pain comes to me all at once, I was pretty sure my ribs were badly bruised, and blood gushes down my cheek. My hand feels useless, like the bones had turned to dust.

“Both of you are shutting the fuck up, and getting into the car. I’m driving you both to hospital because Harry’s taken a beating and Dru your nose is broken at the least.”

“I don’t-”

“No,” Jared says calmly to his brother. “In the car. Now. Not a word out of both of you.”

“Shotgun,” Andrew says weakly. Jared throws his jacket in his face and looks back at me. I follow him silently and get into the backseat. ***

Y/N:

I knock and knock but nobody answers the door. I stare at my phone, but I didn’t even have Harry’s number. I move the bottle from one hand to the other, knocking and I take a step back when a face I wasn’t expecting answers the door. It’s Dru, his face is massively discoloured, his nose is bruised and a gash on his cheek is stuck closed with steri-strips.

His grin sends cold dread through my body.

“Looking for your lover boy?” he asks me when I go silent. I stare at his face, at everything that Harry had done and he notices. “He’s good with his hands, but I’m sure you already know that.”

“Y/N,” Jared’s voice comes from behind Dru. “Sorry I was in the shower. Are you looking for Harry?”

It was unreal, how Jared walks up to the door like Dru wasn’t even there. He steps around his brother and in front of him, as if he’d been the one to open the door. I head Dru scoff, mutter something distasteful and move back up the steps.

“Yeah,” I clear my throat when the word gets stuck. “Yeah, uhm, is he here?”

“He moved, you haven’t got his number?” I shake my head no and he texts it to me along with his new address, I have no idea how Dru had my number. He look behind him before stepping towards me, closing the door behind him.

“Y/N, I just want to say I’m sorry. The way my brother treated you, it was wrong. And I should’ve said something to him earlier, but by the time I did it was too late. And then you two broke up and...I know Dru’s younger than me but growing up the way we did...it’s not always been the easiest to stand up to him.”

“Oh,” I wasn’t expecting such a confession.

“Too little, too late—I know. Rowan...she’s not happy with me. I would never hurt her—I’m not trying to get you on my side or anything but I just want to let you know. She said she needed space and it’s made me realize how stupid I’ve been not paying attention to her earlier and...” Jared trails off when he noticed my surprised face. Jared had never said this many words to me, and I also didn’t know Rowan had asked him for space. It was touching.

“I’m talking a lot aren’t I?” He laughs, ducking his head. “You’re probably itching to get to Harry but...I just want to make sure you know I’m sorry. Truly sorry.”

“Thank you,” I say stiffly, not quite sure what to do with his apology. This was the most we ever spoke and he got vulnerable very quickly. Maybe I would speak to Rowan about this break she’s on.

We depart awkwardly and I map out Harry’s new address, it’s less than a 20 minute walk so I go on foot.

My hands nearly drop the bottle in my hand twice, slick with sweat and distracted as I turn the last corner to Harry’s street. A housing complex with a staircase leading to the top level leaves me even more winded by the time I get to the top. I knock and wait a few minutes, just when I think I’m out of luck a movement behind the door stops me from going back down the horrible stairs.

“Y/N,” Harry says from behind the crack in the door he’s opened up.

“Hiya,” I say awkwardly, waiting for the door to open the rest of the way. When it doesn’t, I continue. “Jared gave me your new address...are you free?”

“I don’t know if it’s a good time,” Harry says.

“Right,” shite. “Right, of course sorry I should’ve called. I’ll go, talk to you later. Oh wait, this bottle’s for you and...” Harry still doesn’t open the door wider than a crack so I leave it on the doorstep and scurry down the steps.

What the fuck was that?

By the time I reach home, takeout in hand, my phone lights up with a notification:

Thanks for the wine, I can’t drink it right now with the pills I’m on but maybe I’ll wait to drink it with you.

I don’t know what to say to it, I had this whole speech planned to say in person and now it’s got nowhere to go. I simply heart the message and put my phone away, confused and a little heartbroken.

***

Harry doesn’t show up to work on Monday, apparently he’s out sick. He’s also not in a Tuesday meeting and I would’ve gotten worried but my manager tells me he was working from home. He’d had an injury.

“By the way,” she tells me as I head back after the meeting. “I’m liking the cooperation between you two. I don’t know what you two did to finally get over being enemies but I owe Miriam a big thank you.”

I choke out a laugh, “We realized we’re on the same team.” And even as I say it I realize it, we were on the same team now; he knew about Dru. But I still felt unsettled that he didn’t let me in on Sunday.

I get back to work, happy with the acknowledgement and hoping it gets me somewhere with a promotion. But work is slow moving without Harry, I realize I miss working closely with him. Or popping by his desk to bother him. I take out my phone to text him but upon rereading his strangely removed text he sent on Sunday, I decide against it.

I pour myself a glass of wine as soon as I get home, putting in a load of laundry and taking the work day off. As I’m going to heat dinner, there’s a knock at my door. Somehow, I think I know who it is.

Harry, bruises fading on his face and stitches on his cheek, leans on the doorframe with a massive bouquet in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he says as soon as I open the door.

“I…” I suddenly don’t know what to say. “Do you want to come in?”

He peeks behind me, into my safe space. His expression is unreadable but I don’t know if that’s because of how nervous I am. He looks at me for a solid minute.

“I can’t,” he sighs. “I just want to give you these. And say I’m sorry. About everything. And for shooing you away on Sunday—I looked fucking grisly, I was embarassed and…yeah. I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Okay,” I say tentatively. I take the flowers from his outstretched hand. He flashes me a smile, pushing away from the wall to leave. “Wait.” I stop him from going. “Why can’t you come in? It’s not my murder house.”

“No? Is that a few doors down?”

“It’s actually in the basement if you must know.” I grin. This felt okay.

But he sighs, “I can’t come in Y/N. Not right now, okay?” He brushes back a lock of my hair back and I realize I was no longer wearing any makeup, and my sweatpants definitely had a few questionable holes. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Okay,” I whisper. I watch him hobble off.

The bouquet goes in two vases of water because they’re too big for just one. I keep them on my coffee table and I can’t stop staring at them all night long.

***

“It makes you look rugged, just hit up a few pubs with that mug and you’ll have yourself a girlfriend in no time,” a few colleagues stand around Harry in the kitchen examining his fading bruises. Even though my own floor has a kitchen, I came to his for a tea in hopes of bumping into him. I don’t think he’s noticed me yet since his back’s to me.

“Who’s telling you I need a girlfriend?” Harry laughs.

“Mate,” a few people laugh too. “You’re oozing single bachelor. You never come out to drink with us either, you’re the resident mystery man.”

“Yeah he doesn’t ever come out with us does he?”

“Maybe he does have a missus at home.”

“Not with the way him and Y/N are always going at it, those two are like an old couple. Have you heard ‘em?”

“Yeah what is it between you two?”

“Harry’s a pain to be around,” I finally say. Everyone turns towards me, and when Harry’s eyes finally meet mine there’s an inside joke there.

“I’m in pain when you’re around,” he shoots back.

“That’s because someone finally did something about your face,” I motion to his bruises.

“Oh there they go,” someone grumbles and it doesn’t take long for them to disappear.

“Hello,” I say as Harry approaches the counter. “Was that last hit too fresh?”

“My doctors say it’s healing.”

“Mmm this team of doctors you seem to have.”

He smiles at the reference to an old joke and we stand in silence until I ask him.

“And you? You alright?” I busy myself with steeping my tea, not wanting to know if he wasn’t okay with me anymore.

“Yeah, it’s an oxymoron but I got most of my healing done with some violence. Don’t recommend it but it did feel good. You?”

“Oh,” I look up. “I’m…closer to alright than I was before.”

“Anything I can do to help?” Harry briefly touches his pinky to mine. I get we can’t do anything right now in the workplace, but my sudden urge to go around the counter and hug him tightly scares me.

“You’ve already done a lot,” I link my pinky with his instead when he doesn’t move it away. “It’s just…a me thing.”

“Y/N I am sorry I-“

“Harry,” I cut him off. “It’s okay.”

“But I should’ve-“

“Stop,” I tug his pinky. “It’s neither of our faults.”

“Imagine how different everything could’ve-“

“Don’t do that either,” I pick up my tea and finally walk around to his side. “Trust me, you won’t come up for air in time if you drown yourself in that.”

He sighs. “I think I have been.” We begin walking towards his desk in silence, thinking about this last week. Even though I’m left reeling with all the new information, with the what-ifs and could-haves, I also feel like I could finally close a chapter. I had read it aloud to people I trusted and they believed me. They had my back. I felt supported and I felt stronger in the face of my past than I had in a long time.

“This is me,” Harry says outside his department. When I notice none of his team was around I motion my head towards his desk. We walk in.

“You don’t have to punish yourself y’know that?”

Harry puts his mug down on his desk and stares at me with so much sadness it makes my heart hurt. I realize on the way to his desk that’s what he had been doing, that’s why he wouldn’t let me see him. I’d done enough self-punishing, I knew it wasn’t effective at all.

“I sort of feel like I deserve it.”

“Oh Harry,” I put my mug down and finally give in to that hug. And it nearly takes my breath away when he wraps his arms around my waist, rests his head on mine. It felt so right. Dru had fucked both of us over, but we had found each other even if it was just as friends.

“I’m sorry-“ Harry chokes out before his body shudders and I squeeze him even tighter. I pray nobody walks in because I needed this as much as he did. I keep my own tears locked up tight, not prepared to ruin this morning’s makeup. I just hold him for as long as he needs.

“I should be comforting you,” Harry says, his voice a bit stuffy.

“Nah, things are getting better,” I say as he sits down. Now I’m looking down at him. His eyes are pink but it only adds to his bruised look. He takes ahold of my hand, strokes my knuckles.

“You really squeezed my broken rib,” is not what I expect him to say but he always knew how to surprise me.

“I’m so sorry,” I take a step back. “Are you okay? Did I break it again?”

“As if you could break my ribs, you’re too weak for that.”

“Who are you calling weak?” I demand. “I could flip you over now if I wanted.”

“The only flipping you’re capable of is-“ Harry holds up both fingers and I can’t stop my mouth from falling open.

“Seriously you two?” Harry’s teammate walks in on the scene, Harry flipping me off. “It’s bloody 9am.”

I laugh, and so does he. I apologize for the early morning profanity and head towards the door.

“Y/N,” Harry takes two long strides to reach me, away from his colleague who’s settling into her desk. “You forgot your drink.”

“Right,” I take it from his hands, mischief twinkling in his eye. We had inside jokes now.

“I’m okay by the way,” he says to just me. “My ribs were only bruised. I’ll see you later okay?”

I don’t even hide my smile as I walk to the lift.

***

“Y/N,” my name snaps me out of the focused state I’d been in. “Have you finally lost your mind?”

“It’s perfectly intact thank you,” I roll my eyes at Harry, leaning over my desk. “Did you want something?”

“Ehm yeah, it’s end of the day?”

I look at the time: 5:10. When did that happen. “Lost track of time.”

“I’m following you home,” Harry says as I gather my things and start walking to the lifts.

“Did you just invite yourself over?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Sort of,” he has the decency to blush. “I just want to be around…” he trails off as a few of our colleagues join us in the wait for the lift. I want him to finish his sentence so bad but we file into the lift silently and listen to the chatter going on in front of us. Harry brushes his hand against mine but when I glance at him he stares ahead. I can tell he notices me looking when his lips twitch.

I pinch his hand and he yanks it back, “Ow!”

The group quiets and turn to him. He gives an awkward smile, “pinched my finger.”

As soon as the chatter resumes he glares at me but I smile sweetly and stare ahead.

“How did I ever think you were sweet?” Harry says as he follows me out of the building and towards the station.

“I am. You force me to forget my sweet nature,” I shrug.

He bumps into me, “I think I romanticized you too much in my head. You’re really a prickly cactus.”

“Me!? A prickly cactus??” I push him playfully, not entirely forgetting the rest of his words. We part as the crowd sheppards us into the station and onto the tube. We stand side by side close to the doors. “If I’m a prickly cactus, I’m just protecting myself from assholes.”

“That’s not me.” Harry wraps his arm around my shoulder in the close quarters of the tube and my insides go liquid. “Let me in little cactus. We can protect each other.”

I look up at him as the tube rushes to its next destination, and smile. Because even though we’re joking he’s still serious. And it’s seriously sweet.

He notices me looking and raises an eyebrow, “Well?”

“Fine,” I say with a smile on my face. It falls when he presses a kiss to my forehead, my body flushing with heat.

“Good,” he whispers to me. He pulls me closer into the ring of his arms and I have to say it’s the safest tube ride I’d ever had.

***

“Here’s home,” I say once we reach my flat. The 5 minute walk to my flat was pretty silent. Harry had grabbed ahold of my hand as soon as we left the station and with my insides buzzing I couldn’t think of a single thing to talk about. Harry seemed content in the silence.

“It’s very you,” Harry comments. “That’s a lot of books. And blankets.”

My sofa had half a dozen throws and behind my sofa were stacks of books growing up from the ground; impractical but I never got around to installing shelves. Eventually I liked the way they looked and kept them on the floor.

“I’m in publishing,” I shrug. “Books are my life!”

He flicks through the top few and suddenly I’m nervous that he’s here. So much has happened. He was twenty-one, my innocent saviour on a memorably bad day. He was a thorn in my side, and then he wasn’t. He saw me for who I was, not who people said I was. I think I loved him for it. The intensity of that last emotion sends me into my room, mumbling about changing into something more comfortable.

I sit on my bed, making sure my thoughts were actually my own. This was really something I thought.

But it comes to me so easily, it’s like the drawbridge had lifted and the ship carrying all my baggage was on it’s way out. It left behind so much space and I finally saw so much so clearly. Harry and I had a boatload of twisted history, we were always in each other’s peripheral. Now he was here. In front of me. It was scary and exhilerating.

“Do you want dinner?” I ask as I walk back out in a sweatshirt and leggings.

Harry’s standing by my gallery wall, my certificates and art, and photos of loved ones all gathered above my desk.

“I remember her,” he says sadly. He points at me in a photo from a Halloween party in my second semester. It was the first time I went a whole night with zero anxiety, I loved the new friends I made. It held a special place in my heart. “Look there’s me.”

“What?” I move closer, there’s no way I’ve had a photo hanging on my wall with Harry in it for the last 3 years.

But he’s right, in the background slightly cut off is Harry with Jared and someone else I don’t know. Him and Jared are dressed as what looks like Peaky Blinders characters, he’s smiling and when I take the frame off the wall and look closer I notice he’s smiling in the direction he’s looking in and that happens to be where I’m kneeling. He had been right there and I never even knew.

“Wow,” I say. “I never recognized you there.”

Harry takes the photo from me, he stares at it for a long time.

“Dru, he told me back then I wouldn’t have wanted Endgame at 18, 19 whatever. But I don’t think I would have minded.”

“What?” My mind slows down, trying to understand.

“When he was…manipulating me. He told me I wouldn’t want someone like you. I was young! I could be free and not tied down. I didn’t want endgame at that age. But I think I did. I was just too blinded, and scared, to go for it.”

“Are you scared now?” I ask him.

“What? No.”

“So go for it now,” I point to him in the photo. “He’d be proud.”

He looks at his younger self for a moment, lost in thought, and then slowly puts the frame down. He stares at me, a million thoughts behind his eyes. He was overthinking it, I realize. I link my fingers through his belt loops and tug him towards me and it snaps him out of it. His hand cups my face gently and he finally kisses me. It’s unlike any kiss I’d ever have, I feel every emotion he’s trying to say as he presses into me. I feel every heartbeat that ached for me in the way he holds me. It’s gentle, yet passionate, and I was drunk on it.

“Wow,” I breathe when he pulls away. From the dazed look on his face I can tell he feels the same.

“I think I lo-“

I shut him up by pressing another kiss to his lips and he reacts by pushing me into the wall. When we part again I brush his hair off his forehead.

“I love you,” I say even though it makes me want to shit myself.

He freezes for a moment before closing his eyes, a smile creeping onto his lips. “That’s not fair.”

“It is,” I grin. “I said it first.”

“You stopped me from saying it first!”

“I win,” I pull him back to me but he tilts his head to the side so my lips brush his cheek instead. “Sore loser!”

“That was not fair play,” he whines again.

“Who said I play fair?” I challenge him. “I love you! I even said it to you second.”

“No wait!” I slip away from his arms and saunter away. I hear him come up from behind and he pulls my waist back so my back is flush against his chest. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

With each time, he presses a kiss into my neck and I’m jelly in his hands.

“3-5 is me,” he says as he turns me around.

“I was still first,” I say but with less conviction as I come to face him this close.

“Cheater,” he mumbles into my neck.

“I’ll break your ribs again,” I threaten but it sounds like a joke the way it comes out of my mouth.

“As long as it’s not my heart,” he says and even though it’s a joke I can hear the doubt. The past seeping into the present.

“Hey,” I push him away so we’re looking at each other. “I never would have. And I never will.”

He nods but I hold his face in my hands. His hands come up to grip my arms. “Harry, I might be a prickly cactus but you know I’d never hurt you. That wasn’t me.”

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I know. And I’m not him. You’re the air in my lungs Y/N, if I can have you, I’ll never let you go.”

“You have me,” I swear.

This time the kiss is slower, a promise to each other, to stay tender. We move that way into the bedroom, under the covers. He’s perfect. His hands roam every inch, and then his lips. By the time his hands grasp mine in the sheets, I’m blissed out of my mind. But he takes his time and I savour it, even when he whispers about forever.

***

Harry:

“Something’s changed.” O’Neil states in the middle of our last meeting with him. “You two are calmer together. Have you finally slept together?”

Y/N’s cheeks burn with embarassment but before she can speak I laugh, “we finally figured things out.”

“Good.” He nods. “I like you two together. Even though you didn’t read my book.”

Now I turn red and Y/N barks a laugh. This makes O’Neil grin and Y/N kicks me under the table.

“He’s very good at reading notes,” she says, gloating that someone other than herself has finally called me out. “Unless you write moon, then it’s neon.”

“It’s all good,” O’Neil claps my shoulder as he stands. “You did my book justice. I know she’s the one that deserves the credit but you two are finally a team. Stay that way.”

“We plan to,” Y/N says. I stand with her as we see the author out of the final meeting. He shuts me up when I try to apologize and tells me privately to hold her close. I intend to.

“That was a success,” Y/N says as we tidy up the meeting room. “The book’s on shelves in four weeks and we made that happen.”

“We did,” I can’t help but lean over and plant a kiss on her cheek. I loved when she got flustered at work.

We thought nobody had noticed the change in us at work until last week when our manager asked if we had gone to HR yet. That was an awkward conversation but she didn’t seem too bothered so we’d made the trip to make our relationship work-official. Y/N and I had been spending a lot of time in her flat, wrapped in each other. Sometimes we went out with Jared and Rowan, and Rowan threatened me many times to be good to her. I told her to do the same with Jared.

After everything with Dru, Jared moved out as well because Rowan wouldn’t date him if she had to see Dru around every time she went over. I wasn’t sure what Dru was up to but I know Jared got lonely sometimes. I could never understand their relationship but I was happy to see him with Rowan, they were good for each other.

“What are you thinking about?” Y/N snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Stuff,” I say.

“Sounds juicy,” she teases.

“Might be,” I walk over to her, unable to keep my hands off of her. It was a problem at work since we tried to stay as professional as possible but here in the blacked out room I took the risk.

“Tell me more,” her eyes are glued to my lips as I lean into the table, towering over her.

I draw her into a deep kiss, her hands tangling in my hair which usually tips me over the edge. She knows it. She knows I know she knows it. So I step away instead and her sweet smile vanishes.

“Come back,” she reaches for me.

“I’ll see you at home,” I peck her on the lips and grab my laptop.

“Not fair!” She says after me.

“I’ve got a meeting and you,” I grin. “Have to learn to play fair.”

“You’ll regret this,” she crosses her arms, trying to look menacing.

“You look cute when you don’t get your way,” I say before opening the door and shifting into work mode again. “Great meeting!” I shout back as I leave the room. I wouldn’t see her until the end of the day and with her mounting frustration at me, I couldn’t wait for 5pm to come around.

[thatoneidiotdts]

Sleeping (+morning routine) headcanons for some genshin boys

A/n: hello ladies and gentlemen I'm happy to announce that I may be back now that my life has decided to stop throwing endless shit at me. Now I also write for genshin so feel free to send asks in my inbox!!

Warnings: nightmares for xiao, favoritism in diluc's part, purposeful misspelling and slander in C*ilde's part,overall tooth rotting fluff

Zhong li

Sleeps like a rock (pun intended)

This man will not wake up unless there is an emergency

No matter how much noise you make or whatever is going on around him he'll stay there laying in bed completely silent

His breathing is so quiet you think he's dead half the time if not for his endless sleep talking

And you can actually have full on conversations with him while he's asleep

Also he sleeps in a solider position which leaves you to cling on him like a koala on a big ass tree

Sleeps in really soft bamboo pyjamas that you bought for him

Zhong li will only wake up at exactly 7:30 am no matter if it's a week day or a weekend/ his day off

He also doesn't stay in bed for more than 10 minutes unless as stated before its his day off and you aren't awake yet

The man will stay there taking in the sunshine rays from the window as he's looking at your peaceful face

After an hour or two hell rub your back and gently wake you up with forehead kisses while softly calling your name

When you finally wake up you usually start with the morning hygiene and whatnot

Also he will ask you if you want to take a morning bath together but absolutely respects you decision if you won't and you don't need to even give him a reason you declined in the first place but will make sure you know he loves you no matter what

After that he will sit down with you and drink tea and have breakfast with you for the next two hours

It's the only reason he wakes up so early

T̵̻̦̥͌͝e̸̟̗̮̮͌a̷̙͕͉̿̍͝

After that he goes to do his usual shift at the wangsheng funeral parlor

Venti

Menace to society

He either sleeps sprawled out in a starfish position with his arm and leg over your body or in a fetal position with his face buried in your breasts/chest

He usually sleeps in your clothes or in his everyday clothes

His little snores are super cute tho

Venti's snoring isn't super loud, it's actually really quiet but still there

Since he's a bard he stays at the Angel's share until it closes which is usually very late into the night so he sleeps until like 2pm

He isn't a heavy sleeper so you usually accidentally wake him up if you have some errands to run early in the morning

Venti will cling to you and pretend that he's asleep so that you can stay in bed with him

After like 20 minutes of this he finally let's you go and makes you promise him that you'll be back quickly

When you returned to your shared house from doing commissions you found him still sleeping in the bed so you quietly took a shower and snuggled in with him for another hour or two

After he finally wakes up for real this time he has breakfast lunch with you and goes off to Angel's share but not before giving you a thousand kisses

Kaeya

He's sleep schedule is ON POINT

He always gets back from Angel's share at exactly 1:00am, showers, eats and does his skin care routine and gets in bed around 1:30am

He also wakes up at exactly 9am but stays in bed until ten

He trashes through the night, he also talks in his sleep but it really weird and it's mostly things that are in English but you can't understand them at all

Kaeya is also a blanket snatcher and will snatch your blanket if you aren't holding it tightly

I feel like he also sleeps with socks on but has a few special pairs of socks that have some cute patterns that he would rather be caught working with the fatui by his own brother than wear them outside once

Also sleeps in silk pyjamas, doesn't care if the cotton ones are easier to breathe through, he likes the feeling of silk on his skin

Kaeya loves his personal space and he doesn't like to be touched while he sleeps but makes up for it when he's awake but still in bed

The only exception is when it's cold outside, I headcannon he's naturally cold and he doesn't like it at all

His morning routine is 90% of him taking care of his face and showering

His skincare routine is also more expensive than some people's houses so don't touch his products plz

Kaeya will gladly teach you the basics of skin care and will buy you your own products that thinks will suit your skin better

He's also almost late to work every day so every day you see him put on his shoes calmly, take in a deep breath and then he kisses you goodbye and runs off like a mad man in order to get to the headquarters on time

Diluc

He has so much unprocessed trauma I would be surprised is sleep schedule is anything but a mess

Diluc doesn't sleep a lot, he would have a normal sleep schedule but since he has a lot of stuff to do all the time it stops him from sleeping property

Not only does he work as a bartender at Angel's share when Charles can't he also works as the Mondstat's one and only Dark Night Hero

He usually comes home around 4 or 5 am and will only sleep until like 8 and you will have to force him to have a nap in the afternoon

Also he sleeps in his everyday clothing and he's sometimes too tired to even take his coat off

Diluc sleeps on his stomach which causes him to have back and neck problems but it's the only way he can actually fall asleep

He's a really light sleeper which also adds up to his sleeping problem

Also he snores loudly, like really loudly, and he only snores at night for some weird reason

You discovered that because one day you accidentally woke up at like 6 am and you couldn't fall back asleep because of his loud snoring but you didn't dare to move since you knew how little rest he gets

He's not a morning person at all, if he didn't hate alcohol, he would be the person that chugs half a bottle of vodka in the morning just to keep him awake

Diluc usually starts his morning off with some personal hygiene and then starts doing the endless paperwork without even having breakfast or anything to drink

So out will have to force him to eat and drink so that he doesn't pass out from work

On the rare days he doesn't have any work to do he usually sleeps them off to make up for the time he didn't sleep

Albedo

Chalk boy over here also has a terrible sleep schedule

He's not really forcing himself to stay up but rather doesn't realize how late it is

You will have to pull him out of his work in order for him to go to sleep

Albedo has a special pair of pyjamas that he wears when he's sleeping and he only wears them because for his last birthday Klee has given him a pair of pyjamas that were originally grey but she hand painted them herself with the help of Jean and Lisa and he's been sleeping in them ever since

And when i say every day I mean every day

But don't worry he hand washes them every two days and takes special care of them in order to not wash of the fabric paint

His snores are also really quiet and quite cute, I recommend commenting on that if you wanna see him blush ^-^

Albedo usually sleeps on his stomach but unlike Diluc he is small enough to not crush you under his weight so he usually sleeps with his head on your stomach or buried in your neck

Pease touch his hair he melts when you do

Albedo can sleep for a looonng time if you don't wake him up so he relies on you to wake him up or else he'll spend the next 16 hours in bed sleeping without a care in the wold

When he wake up he does his usual morning routine, which is usually a quick shower, breakfast, brushing his teeth and his hair out, and then goes off to work

He will absolutely make you have a nap with him in the afternoon or whenever he feels tired

Xiao

He doesn't sleep much, hell I don't this man sleeps at all sometimes

Adepti don't really require sleep or food like normal humans do

It took a lot of time for him to trust you enough to sleep besides him

Xiao doesn't feel safe while sleeping at all, he also fears that his karmic dept might take affect on you so he keeps his distance for quite some time

For the first month or two he would wear his normal every day clothes but then you gift him a cute plain green onesie and at first he straight up refused to put 'that thing' on but he gave in and hasn't sleep in anything else since

At first he would be the big spoon so that he can protect you from any harm but when you spooned him for the first time he felt so safe and warm he never wanted to let go of that feeling ever again

After that he would ask you under his breath if you could spoon him more often, you barely understood what he was saying but perfectly understood what he wanted and needed.

He also regularly has nightmares which causes him to trash around and maybe whack you in the face once or twice but you're quick to calm him down

Xiao never really realized that he was hurting you until he gently hugged you and you winced because he accidentally touched the small mark he left the previous night after having another nightmare

Doesn't touch you or sleep with you for a week after that, he already hurt you enough but you don't really care so you coaxed him into sleeping with you again very easily since he missed your warmth a lot

He doesn't really have a morning routine but he does wake up every morning before you so that he can teleport to the Huaguang Stone Forest to pick some Qingxin flowers for you

He's also gets back into your arms right before you wake up so that it seems like he never left in the first place

But you always notice the new fresh bouquet of the beautiful white flower on your desk and thank him for it

T*rtaglia

Listen here ok I'mma be real with y'all

Turbulence sleeps exactly one hour less than normal people but makes it seem like he gets like 2 hours of sleep per night

"Ugh I didn't sleep last night at all😩😏" Like bro stfu

He also makes jokes about sleeping so little because he was with you last night or that he was training so hard or doing a mountain of paper work

While you know damn well he was with you entire night sleeping like a baby right by your side

He sleeps naked solely so that one day when a hypothetical intruder gets into your home he can scare them off by yelling at them while being completely naked 💀

But he will put a pair of pyjamas on if you're uncomfortable

He mostly sleeps on his side because he needs to hold something while he's sleeping, if you aren't with him that night he will hug your pillow and sleep like that

Tagliatelle also doesn't like to sleep when in a cold room so he will have one of those water bottles that people use for back pain and will put one in the pillow he's holding and two in the blanket itself

He's totally a morning person and has no problem with getting out of the bed in less than like 10 minutes unless you ask him not to

If he has a day off he won't sleep in that much but he will curl up beside you and 'accidentally' place his head on your boobs/chest

Y'all saying Terrorism is the caring older brother? WRONG he's the forgotten middle child. we ofc know about Tonia, Anthon and Teucer but he also has two older brothers and at least one older sister

I feel like he's the middle child that had to take all the responsibilities when the older three/four moved out

So yeah he can make a damn fine breakfast for you without skipping a beat

But don't let me even start on his personal hygiene

Like shower are fine ok and he baths once a week only because he can but like

I know damn well his back teeth are ROTTING

He only uses mouthwash and brushes the front and bottom part of the teeth so that they look presentable meanwhile his back teeth got their souls sucked out

Moving on from that Tellurium can't really spend the whole morning with you so he will have to leave you late in the morning.

Coffee? :>

[delectablyalicee]

Nick Jonas’s New Assistant (Part 9) (Warning: Mentions of Smut)

Part 1  Part 8

You get a call one day, someone asking you to fill a personal assistant job. They give you little information as to who for, but when you found out, things get a little more interesting.

This is the first day back to things being "normal" after I made my deal with Nick. Once he disappeared up the stairs I went back to my apartment. I had thought all night about what he meant by "the game begins." Nick isn't one to back down from a challenge, and now that I agreed to this deal I know he isn't going down easy. I guess it's just going to be a fight over who wants it more. Problem is, I am already close to cracking, close to confessing how much I love him, and now it's going to be even harder to keep that in, but I'm certainly going to try.

I grin when I walk out the door of my apartment and see George, I give him a tight hug before we make our way into the car. We spend the drive to Nicks house talking about how the date with his wife went. I was glad because it kept my mind off of how terrified I am to show up today. This whole thing is going to take a lot of willpower that I am not sure I have, but I guess we will see.

Once we get to Nick's I thank George and slowly slide out of the car. Taking a deep breath and smoothing out my clothes and hair before finally walking up to the door. I open it slowly, and thankfully the house is like it usually is, empty. No parade of flower petals leading me up the stairs or a band singing love songs in the living room, just Nick's normal house. I breathe a sigh of relief, stepping all the way inside. Today at 9:30am Nick has an interview, then a lunch at noon with his tour manager, and at 3:30 a photoshoot to help promote the tour. Then, after that at 6:30 we have dinner with Paul to discuss the meeting with the tour manager. So, in short, we have a packed day and there will be no escaping early. As I've said so many times before, I love my job, but I know today isn't going to be easy.

I look at my watch, its 8:30am. I set my bag down on the counter and start the coffee like usual before making my way up to Nick's room. It's honestly impressive that he never gets himself up, but it's all part of the job I guess. I knock on the door before cracking it a bit, I can see into the room enough that I see him still lying in bed, I let out a small sigh of relief when I see he's alone (an honestly rare sight). I know it would be better for me right now if he wasn't alone, if there was a girl naked in his bed like usual, but despite the fact that I wish it didn't, it would still hurt me if there was.

"Nick, its 8:30, we have somewhere to be at 9:30" I speak confidently, like I usually would. I'm not going to let anything that has happened waver me or hinder the way I do my job.

He groans, rolling over and letting his tired eyes flicker open. He speaks in a groggy voice, "okay okay, I'm coming."

That's all. That's all he says. I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't really think "the game begins" would be this, although I am so grateful for it. "Okay, hurry up." I say before happily making my way down the stairs. This might be easier than I thought.

I'm already sipping my coffee, going over a few things for the day when Nick heads down the stairs. I look at the clock. 8:50am. Perfect. I hand him his coffee mug without taking my eyes off of my phone. A small thanks drifts through the air, but I still don't look.

"What is going on at 9:30?" His voice finally pulls my eyes off my phone screen and onto him. Does he really not know? Unlike him.

"Interview. The interviewers name is Kathy, the questions should mostly be regarding your newest album and the tour we're working on."

He just nods, sips at his coffee and pulls his phone from his pocket. At this point, I don't know if I should be relieved or terrified, but I am going to go with the benefit of the doubt and try my best to stay relieved.

The car ride was normal, like it always is. Nick and I just talking like best friends. Nothing more, nothing less. When we pull up to the studio where the interview is at, we have to drive carefully through tons of screaming teenage girls, guards on either side trying their best to hold them back. This is something I still haven't gotten used to. It's so normal for us, but still so strange. I think this is also another reason I don't want my relationship with Nick to change. Can I handle how much pure hatred is going to be thrown my way just for loving him? I decide not to think about it too much and focus on prepping Nick for some questions that may come up during his interview.

We do the typical swift run inside past fans and are greeted with smiles from the crew waiting inside. I am watching Nick get ready. He is just acting so normal. Way too normal. It's throwing me off. It's kind of like I don't know what to do with myself. I expected something so grand, and I got normal, but isn't that what I wanted? Wait, is this what he wanted? To get me all in my head? Ugh. I don't know and I fucking hate this.

I'm startled by a hand being placed on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you, just wanted to ask if we can go ahead and start." It's the production manager.

"Oh yeah, of course. Sorry I was a little zoned out there" I laugh softly.

Nick looks at me, gives me a small wink and steps on stage. Again, being way too fucking normal.

The interview wraps, and we make our way back out of the studio. Nick had me arrange for more security to join the ones that were already here because he wanted to take some time to meet with fans and take photos, but without enough security its dangerous. Once we step outside the screams erupt. It's almost deafening. I really should start carrying earplugs around with me.

As I'm standing back, watching him take pictures and sign things I notice large flashing lights, paparazzi. Another thing that's hard to get used to. At things like this they are usually pretty tame, but sometimes the following you everywhere and screaming at you gets to be too much. It's a big chunk of the reason when Nick and I hang out with stay at his place. Paparazzi is everywhere even without you knowing it. One time, we were craving ice cream at like 1:30 in the morning so we ran to the gas station maybe 5 minutes away from his house and the next morning there were at least 25 pictures of us literally just getting ice cream. The backlash of it didn't help much either. This was early in me being his assistant so not many people knew of me, meaning that dating rumors were swirling, and I was getting hate thrown my way left and right. We had to make a public statement that I was his assistant just to get it to stop. It was kind of a mess. I couldn't even imagine what I would have to deal with if we were actually dating.

After a while of meeting with fans we make our way into the car. We are, thankfully, perfectly on time. "So, how are you feeling about tour coming up?" I ask him.

He shrugs a bit. "I love tour, it's fun to travel and meet new people everywhere you go, but it's also the most stressful thing on the planet." He laughs, "I'm sure Paul will do some sessions to prepare you for it, but I know you can handle it."

I've never been on tour with anyone. The only other people I have worked for have been boring business men, so the most fun we had was company parties. This life is so new to me and tour life is even newer, but I'm also kind of excited. I know it will be crazy, but how bad could it be traveling with my best friend? Also, the guys in his band are so fucking cool. But I hope he is right, I hope I can handle it.

When we get to lunch we are greeted with big hugs from his tour manager, we have met with him quite a few times over the past few months, since tour is getting closer and closer, so we have definitely gotten to know each other a bit. He is a super nice guy, and super funny, always cracking jokes. The lunch stays mostly business since we are on a time crunch, with the photoshoot being soon. Usually, if we have time the 3 of us sit and talk for hours, but this time its quick and to the point and we are off to the next thing.

I am sitting across the room from nick as the crew is getting him ready for the photoshoot. I am trying to get some talking points together for our dinner with Paul, but I can't concentrate. Nick is sitting in the chair with his shirt off and I can't take my eyes off of him. I just keep thinking about the other night, our bodies pressed together, his length filling me up and pounding into me, me practically begging him to never stop. I shake my head. No Y/N stop it. I can't think about that...man is it going to be hard to not think about that... He eventually stands up and he catches me staring at him, he gives me a little wink before speaking loud enough that I can hear him from across the room.

"Take a picture, it will last longer." I know he's doing this to fuck with me. I lift my hand, shaking my head and flipping him off. He laughs before being whisked away by the crew.

I'm watching the photoshoot now and he looks so fucking good, my mind drifts off a bit once again. It's like I can hear his groans in my ear again, him telling me so sternly to cum for him, my legs are practically shaking just at the thought. Fuck. This is not good. I pull myself out of my head and try my best to get back to work.

"I saw you staring at me during the photoshoot." The words catch me off guard, but I try to not let him notice that. We are in the car on the way to dinner. I don't say anything back and pretend to stay focused on my work, but he speaks again. "You know, you really can take all the pictures of me you want, just to remember me by, of course." He speaks teasingly, and I roll my eyes, finally shooting a retort at him.

"I think I'm okay on that, I sadly have to stare at your face too much already."

He laughs, "Oo okay, that one hurt, I can't lie, but..." He leans in closer to me and then lowers his voice so only the two of us can hear "I don't know if that's what you were thinking when you were begging me to fuck you harder the other night." My breath hitches. That, I definitely wasn't expecting. The throbbing between my thighs is back but I try my best to ignore it. I need to think of something to say back and I need to think of it quick, but it's hard when all I want to do is jump on top of him and have him fuck me until I can't take it anymore, but instead I playfully push him away from me and snap back with an annoyed, yet joking tone, "ah, ya see, I was just being nice that night. I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

He leans back even further, clutching his heart dramatically "Wow, that one stung." He drops his hand. "Good thing I know it's a lie. I just hope all that staring at me means you're thinking about it, because I certainty spend a lot of my time thinking about" His words come out so nonchalantly. The throbbing between my thighs is growing more intense and the thought of him just simply thinking about fucking me is driving me insane.

'Not a lie." Is all I can manage to say.

Dinner went smoothly and quickly, so we get back to Nick's at a decent time. The second we are both out of the car I am swooped up off of my feet. I small terrified noise leaves my mouth before I realize it's Nick. Once I do I can't help my laugh and try to squirm away from him.

"I'm sorry but what the fuck are you doing?" I say in between attempts to make him set me free.

He's just laughing. Honestly, I'm not trying too hard to get away, his arms wrapped tightly around me being something I am not mad about in the slightest.

"Will you quit." He says, walking us up to the house. "I was just making sure you didn't try and run away to your apartment already."

I would've too. I would've got right into the front seat and had George take me home. But I lie "Well, number one, I wasn't going to run away, and number two, please put me the fuck down."

He puts me down but only once we are inside. I give him a clearly joking yet still angry look as I try and straighten myself out. "You know, we are adults, you could have asked me nicely to stay."

"Yeah, but where is the fun in that?" He speaks with a wink, heading into the living room.

We watch movies all night and the feeling of normalcy is something I needed. We just had fun and cracked jokes the whole time while stuffing our faces with snacks. I didn't realize until now that I truly really, really needed this. I wasn't just scared of what Nick was going to be like today, but I was scared if we could even act kind of normal around each other, but tonight means we can and that is giving me so much hope that everything is going to be okay.

I have to call it quits around 1 am, I have to be back here early and while I would normally stay here, with this little deal we have going on I am not risking it. Nick walks me to the door, but as I am about to walk out of it he stops me. I turn to him, thinking I forgot something, but once our eyes meet his hands are gently placing themselves on my cheeks. He isn't saying anything, he's just looking at me and I am looking right back. My heart is practically melting. I wish I could just tell him how I feel, but I don't. I just keep looking. We are like this for a few seconds before I see his eyes sadden. I want to grab him, to do anything and everything to take his sadness away, but I don't move.

"Nick..." I speak softly.

He doesn't say anything. His hands drop from my cheeks and he steps back, but I don't move. It's like my body won't let me turn away from him, won't let our eyes pull from each other. It takes ever ounce of myself to finally turn away from him. It's like I can feel pieces of my heart falling to the ground.

Now it's clear. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

[crazy-little-cool-cat]

Hand in Glove - Chapter 11 | Ben Hardy x OFC

A/N: it seems that having a meltdown really helps my creative juices flow. Very interesting. This chapter is one of the longer ones, but it’s totally worth it. Italics are Annie’s dream. Enjoy! 

Word Count: ~3.6K

Warnings: Fluff, some implied smut (or not so implied? idk), swearing, unexpected plot twists and BOY OH BOY ARE Y’ALL IN FOR A RIDE.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10

Annabelle jolted awake. She felt her stomach lurch, as if she was riding a roller-coaster. She was no stranger to the occasional gassy nights - pregnancy came with all kinds of interesting bodily functions. This pain, however, felt different. Her hand shot to her tummy when she felt it again, stronger this time, making her wince.

“You okay?” Ben mumbled groggily, blindly reaching for Annabelle’s body in the dark. “What’s wrong?”

“Something weird is happeni -” Annabelle’s eyes widened in shock, “oh! There it is again!”

“What is it?” Ben opened his eyes and sat up. His hair was sticking up in every possible direction, his cheek had markings from the pillowcase. Although he was absolutely knackered and sleep deprived, he was talking a mile a minute. “Are you feeling sick? Is your stomach hurting? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“No, no!” Annie shushed him, “I don’t kn - oh!”

“Do you need anything? Water? A bin to puke in?”

“No, Ben! It’s just…” Annie looked down at her tummy, “It’s like these horrible bubbles of -”

“Seriously.” Ben groaned, “you woke me up and scared me half to death because of gas? Just fart it off, love!”

“It’s not -” Annie huffed, “Ben, it’s not a bloody fart okay?”

“What is it, then?”

“I think… it’s the baby?” Annie’s jaw dropped, eliciting a snort from Ben.

“Are you joking? Are you seriously telling me that the baby just farted?”

“No, you knob, I can feel the baby move!”

“Are you sure?” Ben eye’s lit up, his hands quickly resting on Annie’s bump, “Bumpy, what are you doing, waking mummy up?” Ben groped around as he tried to feel something happen, growing increasingly frustrated, “Annie, if this is some sick prank you’re pulling…”

“It’s not a prank, Ben!”

“I can’t feel anything!”

“Because it’s just swimming around.” Annie kissed Ben lovingly, “It’s still too small.”

####

Didn’t I put this chair back?” Ben rubbed his chin before he shrugged and took the chair back where it came from.

He sat back down on the sofa, next to Annie, pawing at the bowl of popcorn she tried to balance on her still-too-small of a baby bump.

“Ugh, damn it!” Annie groaned and hugged the bowl closer to her chest as she stood up, “Bumpy seems to think my bladder is a trampoline. I just don’t understand.”

“Annie,” Gwil scratched his head, “do you always eat in the loo?”

Annie looked down and groaned again, shoving the bowl at Ben. With muttered profanities, she stomped over to the bathroom.

“Bit forgetful, yeah?” Gwil propped his chin on the top of Clara’s head as she curled up onto his lap.

“Yesterday she went to the supermarket in her jammy bottoms, mate,” Ben sighed, “and her shirt was inside out and wrong way ‘round.”

“Oh no.” Joe, Rami and Lucy gasped.

“She put her phone in Frankie’s dog food container.”

“Honest mistake!” Clara chimed in, “could happen to anyone.”

“She almost microwaved a spoon.”

“How… why?” Rami’s eyes darted from side to side in confusion.

“Pregnancy brain.” Ben shrugged.

“I do not have pregnancy brain, Ben!” Annie pulled a chair from the dining table and placed it right in the way from the living room to the kitchen, “stop saying that I do!”

“Stop saying that you don’t!” Ben teased her and got up to fetch another beer, “Bloody hell, I know I put this chair back earlier!”

“Again with the chair?” Lucy snorted.

“Annie, we don’t need another chair!” Joe said, yet again.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“See, Annie?” Ben walked over to the sofa and stroked her hair, beer long forgotten, “this is exactly why Joe will babysit you when I’m gone.”

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

“You also didn’t need to put that spoon in the microwave and almost press start,” Ben snickered, “or that extra bloody chair.”

####

“I’m cancelling the trip.” Ben crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not going. That’s it.”

Annie was getting undressed to take a shower. With every item of clothing she had taken off, Ben’s willingness to leave on a work related trip dropped.  

“This is the 5th time you’ve said that in the last hour, Ben.” Annie chuckled, “and no, you’re absolutely not.”

“I can’t just leave all three of you here alone for five days!”

“We’ll be fine!” Annie walked into the adjoining bathroom and started running the water, waiting for the steam to fog up the room. Still in her knickers, she turned sideways to the mirror and examined her growing baby bump. “How big do you think this could get?”

“It’s not big at all,” Ben leaned against the door frame in his boxers, “it’s tiny and plump. Like a tomato.” He giggled, his tongue poking through his teeth, “or like you.”

“You just called me a tomato, I love tomatoes,” Annie smiled smugly, “I’m not even mad.”

“Anyways, I’m not going. End of story.”

“It’s too late to cancel, Ben,” Annie walked over to him and took his hand, “you’re going. And that’s final.”

“I wanna stay.” He pouted, his hands cradling her bump, “Bumpy wants me to stay.”

“Bumpy wants mummy to not be a crusty mess,” Annie chuckled and turned around, sauntering - as best as she could, considering the circumstances - over to the shower. “Join me?”  

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” Ben smirked and quickly discarded his boxers.

####

“God, we should have done this sooner…” his voice was low in Annie’s ear, sending shivers down her spine. His lips fluttering over the skin of her neck and shoulder, his hands trailing down her body, he all but purred, “this should have happened a long, long time ago.”

All Annabelle could do was press her legs closer together, and bite her bottom lip so stop herself from moaning. He palmed one of her breasts, his hand hot over the lacy fabric of her bra, grazing over her hardening nipple. She ran her fingers through his hair, her eyes and her mind clouded with lust.

“Do you have any idea,” he reached over, behind her back, and unclasped her bra, “how sexy you are?” He slid one strap down her shoulder, “’course you do,” then the other.

Annie tried to keep her breathing steady as he slid her bra down her arms and chucked it aside. The look in his eyes was all but predatory. Like a wild beast, right before it pounces on its’ prey.

His lips travelled all over her body, covering every single inch, leaving marks along the way. Annie squirmed under him, arching her back when his fingers finally hooked around the fabric of her panties. A small whimper escaped her lips as he nibbled on the skin under her belly button.

“Eager?” he raised an eyebrow and licked his lips. His fingers danced on her legs, from her ankles to her knees.

He dipped his hand down between them, prying her legs open, and swooped in between them. Annie moved her leg over his head to let him. With her legs on either side of him, he rubbed his nose against her clothed cunt.

“Joe, please.”

####

“Joe, please.”

Joe dropped Annie’s feet to his lap and whipped his head sideways, a shocked expression on his face. Annie was fast asleep, her torso propped up slightly so she could lay on her back comfortably while they were both watching the telly after dinner.

When Ben had asked Joe to stay with Annie while he was travelling for work, all three knew things might get weird. While Annie objected at first, she couldn’t deny the fact that having Joe to help around with Frankie and keep her company in the evenings was nice. Plus, being pregnant meant she could get special treatment from him, be it foot-rubs or midnight snacks. This, however, was not what Joe - or Ben - had in mind.

Annie smirked in her sleep, shifting her hips in a slight rolling motion. Joe’s breath caught in his chest. He froze. He knew Annie was sleeping, therefore, she must be dreaming. The fact that she was dreaming a certain dream about him, of all people, came as a surprise.

“Joe…” she purred, yet he wasn’t even touching her.

He was transfixed by the sight in front of him. A light blush creeped its’ way up her chest and neck, reaching her cheeks. Her hips rolled lazily, her fingers twitching as if she’s grasping at something. His shock soon turned into amusement as her dream progressed. He wondered how far this could go before she wakes up. An almost pornographic moan escaped her lips, making Joe blink in bewilderment before his brain kicked back into gear.

He looked around for something to throw against the wall. With a triumphant smile, Joe grabbed Ben’s xBox controller and chucked it as hard as he could. The loud noise alerted Frankie that something isn’t normal, and she flew barking into the room, ears flapping like wings.

The raucous woke Annie up with a start. Her eyes flew open as she sat up straighter, her gaze following Frankie to where the controller was now in pieces. With furrowed brows, she looked at Joe.

“Oops.”

“Joe, did you break Ben’s controller?”

“Yeah?”

“What the actual fuck?” Annie reached over and smacked his arm, “why?!”

“I… Well…” Joe’s hesitation gave Annie time to think about what she had just dreamt. Horror washed over her face. “I was frustrated! FIFA sucks!”

####

“Where’s Annie?” Ben sounded frantic, “she’s not answering her phone!”

“It’s 1:30AM, Ben,” Joe flicked off the living room lights and wormed his way under the covers on the pull-out couch, “she’s asleep. She’s growing a human inside of her, it’s very tiring.”

“Is she getting enough sleep?”

“Plenty.”

“What was that tone for?”

“What tone?”

“You know what tone.”

“There was no tone!”

“There definitely was.”

“Sleep deprivation really did a number on you, buddy. You’re hearing things.” Joe pursed his lips and swallowed back a giggle. “By the way, does she always talk in her sleep?”

Joe could practically hear the cogs clicking together in Ben’s brain as he put two and two together.

“Oh God.” Ben groaned. He knew there was a risk of this happening, he just hoped it would happen at night, when she’s alone in her bed, and Joe’s nowhere to be found. “She’s getting louder, eh?”

“Louder?” Joe echoed, “she wasn’t loud at all.”

“I mean, if you could hear her saying your name all the way from the bedroom -” something dropped on Ben’s end, “-what the fuck were you doing in my bed?!”

“Working in a soap-opera really messed up with your head, didn’t it?” Joe snorted, “I was never in your bed. That would be disgusting. You are a sick, sick man.”

“If you want to keep your face in its’ current arrangement, you’d better explain yourself, fast.”

“We were watching TV after dinner, she fell asleep on the couch,” Joe sighed, “I gave her a foot-rub. It must have triggered a deep yearning inside of her and, really, Benny, can you blame her?”

“Sod off!”

“That’s all there was to it. I woke her up before it got out of hand.”

“Did she say anything about it?”

“Nope. I was very discreet.”

“Good, good.”

“You’re going to need a new xBox controller, though.”

####

“Hey, Bumpy!” Gwil rubbed Annie’s baby bump.

“I’m here too, you know?” Annie laughed and hopped on the tips of her toes to kiss Gwilym on the cheek, “thank for coming with me.”

“Ben vowed to murder me in my sleep if I let you go alone,” Gwil sighed, “I’m just not ready to die.”

“I still don’t know why he didn’t just ask Joe,” Annie stuffed Frankie’s leash in her purse.

“Your wet dreams about Joe and the fact that you’re going to have your fanny on display at some point in the exam might have something to do with it,” Gwil took Frankie’s leash out of Annie’s purse, “but hey, what do I know.”

“I do not -”

“Yeah, you do.” Gwil snickered and started helping Annie put on her jacket.

“How do you even know that?!”

“Take a wild guess.”

“Christ, they’re like a two-headed monster!” Annie felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Why’d they tell you?!”

“That’s exactly what I said when they told me.” Gwil shrugged. “They just like sharing.”

“Disgusting.”

“I know.”

“They need to stop,” Annie slid her hands into her jacket’s sleeves, “this is getting out of hand.”

“You’re absolutely right, Banana,” Gwil ushered Annie out the door, gently nudging Frankie back with his foot, “but that would be impossible.”

“I know,” Annie locked the door and hooked her arm with Gwil’s, “but a girl can dream.”

####

“Oh, hello!” Dr. McCarthy flipped her hair, her eyes landing on Gwilym, “you’re not Ben!”

“No, he’s not,” Annie smiled, “This is Gwilym. My cousin. Ben’s away on a work thing.”

“Oh no,” Dr. McCarthy tutted, “he must be so upset!”

“He is,” Annie confirmed, biting the inside of her cheek, “but he sent a stand-in.”

“Yes, my job is very important,” Gwilym pulled his phone out of his back pocket and opened up the camera app, setting it to video, “I’m the videographer!”

“That is very important indeed,” Dr. McCarthy chuckled, “let’s just have a look here and make sure we’re alright…” she furrowed her brows as she looked at the chart. “Right! Perfect!”

Gwil started shuffling backwards uncomfortable, dreading the fact he might be present during a pelvic exam. With a mortified expression, he looked around the room, trying to act casual.

“Gwilym, you can relax,” Dr. McCarthy rolled her eyes, “I’m not giving her a pelvic exam.”

“Oh, thank God,” Gwil sighed, “I was afraid I’d have to see Annie’s fanny and -”

His speech was cut short by Annie’s loud laughter. Holding her bump, Annie laughed so hard that no sound came out. Tears started forming at the corners of her eyes. Her whole body was shaking.

“Annie’s!” Annie choked out, “Annie’s fanny!!!”

“Like talking to a bloody four year old…” Gwil muttered and shook his head.

“Annabelle, I can’t do this unless you settle down, love,” Dr. McCarthy waved the bottle of gel at Annie as she spoke, “don’t make me call Ben.”

“I’m fine, I’m okay -” Annie squeaked before another wave of laughter washed over her. Dr. McCarthy and Gwil stood quietly as they waited for the storm to pass. “Alright, let’s do this!”

“Are you sure you’re all done?” Dr. McCarthy raised an eyebrow.

“Squirt some gel on me, Doc!”

“What in the bloody hell is happening?” Gwil muttered and pointed the camera at the small screen, “Annie, can you not say that word? That’s just wrong.”

“What word? Gel?”

“Are you kidding?”

“Oh, you mean ‘squirt’?” Annie said and smirked when Gwil grimaced.

“Children, I’m going to have to ask you to stop bickering,” Dr. McCarthy moved the probe around and a baby’s silhouette appeared on the screen, “we have very important matters to attend to!”

“I see a little silhouetto of a…?” Gwil sang softly, making Annie snort and giggle.

“Are you a Queen fan as well?” Dr. McCarthy asked as she tried to find a good enough angle to see if the baby is a boy or a girl.

“Fan?” Annie scoffed, “he’s Brian May!”

“Oh?” Dr. McCarthy paused her probing and turned to give Gwil a proper look, “oh! Yes, yes he is!”

“It’s uncanny!” Annie gushed, “you should see him in costume! With the hair and -”

“Hi, yes, hello,” Gwil peeked over the side of the phone, “we’re here to find out if that little rascal you’re growing in there is a boy rascal or a girl rascal, remember?”

“This is just like having Ben with us!” Dr. McCarthy winked at Annie and focused on the screen, “alright, looks like you’re having a…”

Dr. McCarthy slid the probe around a little more, making sure she wasn’t determining the wrong sex. The tension in the room was palpable.

“A puppy?” Annie joked, filling the uncomfortable silence, “a watermelon?”

“A girl.”

####

Annie opened her eyes slowly. Her legs were propped up on the coffee table, Frankie’s head in her lap, her hand rubbing the pup’s head softly. The jingle of keys alerted her of Ben’s presence.

“What’re you doing here? You should be sleeping!” Ben murmured as he approached the sofa. Annie threw her head back and stretched her arms up, wiggling her fingers. Ben didn’t need any further explaining, he bent down and pressed an upside-down kiss to Annie’s lips. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“Ben, you were gone for five days!”

“Yes,” Ben mumbled against her lips and kissed her again, “the fifth being the most important. I’m sorry I couldn’t call or text…”

“It’s fine,” Annie giggled after shutting him up with a kiss, “really.”

Ben hopped over the back of the sofa, making Frankie flee, and flopped down beside Annabelle. He pressed a quick kiss to her bump and then to her lips, taking his hand in hers.

“Did it go well?”

“Perfect.”

“Do we know?”

“If by ‘we’ you mean Gwil and I -” Annie smirked smugly, “we do, yeah.”

“I can’t believe I wasn’t there,” he groaned and cupped her face in his hands to pepper kisses all over her face, “I’m the most horrible -”

“You’re not allowed to call yourself that,” Annie clamped his mouth shut with her fingers, “okay?”

“I’m just so,” he kissed her lips once, “so,” the second kiss lingered a little more, “sorry.”  

“It’s okay,” Annie stroked his hair, “Gwil and Joe were perfect gentlemen and they made sure I was fine.”

“I’ll send them a fruit basket and a thank-you note,” Ben winked, “are you planning to tell me what Bumpy is?”

“Will you leave me again for so long?”

“Nope.” Ben kissed the tip of her nose, “taking you, Bumpy and Frankie with me next time.”

“Promise?”

“Vow.” Ben pressed a kiss to Annie’s palm, then her knuckles.

“Girl.”

Ben blinked in confusion a couple of times. His eyes darting left and right, his brows furrowed.

“Sorry?”

“Bumpy is a girl.” Annie poked at her tummy. “We’re having a girl.”

“A girl?” Ben’s confusion turned to elation right in front of Annie’s eyes, “A girl!”

Ben reached over Annie’s shoulder with his arm and pulled her to him, cupping her face with his free hand. His lips quickly found hers, locking in a passionate kiss. They both gasped, feeling butterflies flutter in their stomachs, trying to escape. Annie wrapped her fingers around Ben’s wrist with one hand and stroked his cheek with the other.

They smiled against each other, humming happily into the kiss. Ben tried to pull Annie impossibly closer, squishing her and their baby in an uncomfortable position. He broke the kiss and smiled apologetically before he reached down to rub her belly. His mouth slightly open, he couldn’t stop looking from her bump to her eyes, full of awe.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” he murmured, looking down at his hand.

“I might have a small clue…”

“Yeah?” Ben bit his bottom lip as Annie pushed him back and climbed on top of him, straddling his lap.

“Mhm,” Annie pulled off his shirt first, then hers, “definitely.”

“You know,” Ben purred before he cupped her face again, pulling her in for a kiss, “I quite like this side effect of your pregnancy.”

“What?” Annie breathed when Ben gently pushed her away, breaking the kiss. Ben’s hands travelled all over her body.

“You’re so bloody horny all the time.”

####

“I can’t believe Gwil knew before I did!” Joe sulked, “it’s not fair. I practically lived with Annie for five days while you were cavorting around in -”

“Cavorting?” Gwil raised an eyebrow, “big word!”

“Shut up!” Joe flipped him the bird. “Anyways, I demand to be the godfather.”

“Not again!” Jamie and Rami groaned simultaneously, both dropping their faces in their hands.

“It’s only fair!” Joe crossed his arms with a huff, “Since I basically babysat both Annie and Bumpy for almost an entire week, you know. Meanwhile, all Gwil did was drive her to the Doctor’s and point a camera!”

“Hey, that wasn’t as easy as you make it sound!” Annie interjected.

“For fuck’s sake! Enough!” Gwil got up abruptly, “I’m getting another beer. Clara?”

“Of course.”

“Anyone else?” Gwil looked around the room.

“No,” Joe smirked, “no beer for me. But if you could be a doll and get me the godfather title, that would be perfect.” Joe muttered under his breath.

“I heard that!”

“Good!” Joe retorted, “I was practically screaming it!”

“You realise we won’t tell you the sex of the baby unless you stop?” Annie glared at her boyfriend’s best friend, “you need to shut it. This entire group of people depends on you, shutting it.”

Joe was visibly shocked by Annie’s bluntness, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he tried to think of a good enough comeback. Ben and Annie exchanged a quick glance and a curt nod, as if saying ‘we better act fast!’.  

“It’s a girl.”

Rami, Jamie and Clara erupted in cheers and laughter, jumping to their feet and hugging each other. It took them around five minutes to figure out that they haven’t even gave the expecting parents a second glance, let alone a hug. With Gwil back in the living room, and Joe squeezing in, they quickly formed a huddle.

“Well, what do you know!” Joe stuck out his chest, “that’s perfect! If I can’t be the godfather,” He smiled mischievously, “then her name better be Joesephine, or I’m throwing hands!”

TAGLIST: @ramibaby @xgoingdownx @clara-who @violetpond @sweeterthancheese @drummerqueenrmt @westansstuff @rogerinamainbitch @justgivemethekeys  @blondecarfucker @cheeseedreams47 @rogerspoison @deacy-dearest

[ibraddersday-blog]

20 years so far.

Hi, my name is Bradley Day. Never received a middle name, guess my parents were too lazy. It is currently 12:53pm as I write this on Friday 16th August of 2019, and to be honest I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm about to explain what I have experienced over the past 20 years frankly because, I know 2 people my age who are like me, the rest are so uptight about who they think they are on their online personas and social media reputations. so I want to find more like me.

in this post im giving you real, the embarrassing, humiliating, funny but stupid truth about my life. seems like thats the only thing that you can't really find anymore... honesty. 

I was born in basildon hospital in Essex on the 10th of November 1998, my mother is Heidi Day, my father being James Day (actual name is Jimmy but we stick to James) I have a older sister called Rebecca Day. apparently I was born with a skin condition were I didn't get enough vitamins which means I was born yellow, a little English asian baby as you will. had to be sat next to a window to get natural vitamins from the sun. but that was all cleared up as a baby and I dont remember it so not important. 

as far as I remember we were a happy family, I was a little shit for my parents but hey I didn't ask to be born. I've never said this but im very thankful for my parents, as a family we went through a few hardships and money never came easy, and no matter what my mum and dad always went out to work and make an honest living to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, people say thats a luxury and may berate us saying thats not hard, but the hard truth is, if you had to worry about where your next meal came from as a kid, your parents didn't work hard enough, and ill be dammed if I let my kids starve a day just because I go lazy for a day.

but out of this happy hardworking family it all changed when I was 4-5, my mum and dad divorced, my dad left and it was me, mum and becky in one house, my dad always tried his best to make it work for him and us. we got by it was just a couple who fell out of love, it's always bummed me out but thats life, move on. 

Thats when I met Lindsey who is now a second mother to me, I made her life hell for a lot of years and so did my sister, Linds if you ever read this im sorry, im sorry for never being the kid you wanted because you couldn't have children and wanted to take on me and becky so you could feel loved as a mother, im sorry I tested your patience every chance I got, im sorry you felt you had to buy me a brand to xbox when the disk tray on mine broke (but thank you cose it was an awesome thing to do) but for most of all, im sorry for never having the guts to admit to you in person how much you really mean to me or impacted my life, you gave me chance after chance at your work and im sorry for letting you down. now for what im thankful for. thank you for kicking me up the ass to do my homework, thank you for putting plasters all over me when I've hurt myself doing something else stupid, thank you for coming with me to the hospital when I got run over just down the road and following matt down countless alleys, thank you for letting my friends come over whenever they wanted as a place to hang out and chill and chat, thank you for not telling mum that there was a grinder in my room when I went back to living at mums, but for most of all, thank you being full of advice, thank you for the honesty you poses wether it hurt or not you were always honest with me, I hope one day I can repay you for all the things you have done for me over the 15\16 years of knowing you, I love you very much. 

school... ugh, primary okay, secondary Jesus Christ what a shit show, now im not stupid but im not smart, education is not my path Im a natural worker and always have been, don’t do suits and smiles I do hi viz clothing and “oh fuck you slag’ spent the better part of it arguing with teachers and trying to be someone im not just to fit in. I had my fair share of bullying but you take it like a man and thats it but back then I thought my world had been crushed, ridiculous I know, kids if you’re being bullied now it may not seem it but it really dont fucking matter, its school thats how it is if you dont like learn from home. now I got pretty bad at one point and made a video and put it online, about how im being bullied and how pissed and upset it Made me and so on, well the school found out and I was forced to remove it, should of just told them too fuck off but it was just hassle that I couldn't be arsed with. year 11 soon flies around and boom left with nothing... great, now college level 1 sport how fucking normal right. well sussed level 1 dropped level 2. 

now work. for the next 2 years I dosed about and went through 8 jobs... yes thats right fucking eight until one came by and that is TGIS at lakeside retail park, now it was a shit job but it taught me a lot, it taught me team work, pace, the importance of showing up for shifts, how vital I am as a cog in that machine,   it taught me how punctuality means everything, I mean I got employee of the month in my first month working there for god sake I pushed hard and getting a reward like that it really hit home, as I never really got anything like that before, I got home and cried in bed as I was so happy for that for once in my life someones recognised me for me and how hard I work, it still gets to me writing this, it means a lot to someone like me. I've since left there for a better job and found one at a container shipping company driving cranes, and I gotta say I think this Is the place I’ll make a career out of, its great pay, get great hours and there are some great guys there who I've grown to become friends with. after countless let downs in my life I’m happy to say I've found somewhere I belong and love. the people I wanna say thank you for are Lex A and Jack R, I love you boys you really pulled me through at TGIS, even though we argued a lot I still value you two a lot. 

now for my life outside of work. I have a few friends being Michael, jack, James and josh. these are the people who are like me, hard working and are making a name for themselves with the help of no-one else. we have all faced great hardships in life and really push to get what we want. but with my friends that want is wanting to get a shitty old RWD and drift it into walls for a laugh, it is pretty funny to be honest. honestly I can say these boys are like family to me they mean more to me than they know and id be there for them in a second if they need me. jack is my longest friend though, we've been friends for 15 years, we met in year 1 in primary school and never stopped since, I would go Into details but its now 1:30am and im tired. 

relationships... I can't do them. dont get me wrong I love the idea of them and would love to be in one but I simply can't do it, I can't deal with other peoples shit as well as my own as I've always dealt with mine on my own not needing someone else, and girls are weird about that shit, all emotional and shit, grow up and move on life is tough if you dont like it theres many ways out, I dont do sorrow or sympathy. but marriage scares me, it freaks me out im not even kidding, the idea of being forced by law to be in a relationship with someone and if the love dies they can take all your shit fucking scares me! who wouldn't be frightened by that! maybe one day ill get over it and take a leap of faith with someone I love but why knows ay. 

and for now right this very second. im happy with who I am, I have nice car, a good job, im single but happily, its easier and less stressful, the key to happiness is a stress free life after all. yeah I may be bit tubby and not in great shape, but im happy with myself and who I see in the mirror, because I know im going to be okay, ill work through my problems that happen in my life, and in the end ill know ill always be okay. 

to whoever is reading this. just know life is easy, the key to happiness is being okay with who you are. yeah theres always improvements that could be made, but if you got a roof over your head, working water and food on the table, you’re doing pretty good in life. just picture life as an English country lane, for the most part its gonna be rocky and bumpy with loads of big potholes but theres always the parts where the road is smooth and freshly done, just gotta keep hanging on to those moments before your turning is up on to the straight and narrow bud, keep pushing and working hard boys and girls, like I was always told “stop being a pussy and get what you want” 

probably be my only ever post here so yeah, maybe someone will read it, who knows!

[sharperthewriter]

Stoppable Family Vacation - Ch. 9

Chapter 9 - Day 1: The Door Incident

(9:30am)

Since the Lipsky's house was located on the outskirts of Pierre, the capital of South Dakota, it'd would be a very long 8 1/2 hour drive from Middleton. To make things even for the Stoppable husband/wife team, Kim and Ron agreed to split the driving duties in half: Ron from Middleton to North Platte, Nebraska and Kim from that point to the hotel in Pierre. On the way back, it would be the other way around. She and Ron took the full Thanksgiving week off of work at Global Justice for this.

"Alright, we got everything!" he said, dusting his hands off.

He got into the drivers' door and closed it. His wife got in the passenger's side and removed her coat.

"And we're going to be there in Pierre!" Ron exclaimed as he put the ignition key into the minivan. The engine started up and Ron pulled the car in reverse. The GPS that they plan to use, Gipsi, would be their vital way of getting directions

"Ron, after fighting off those VILE agents a few days ago in Italy..." Kim said, "...it's glad that we got a few days off."

"Yeah, I'd thought we'd never recover those paintings in time." Ron added while putting the key in the ignition. It started up the engine.

He pulled out in reverse and added, "Besides, they weren't as tough as those WEE goons we faced when we rescued Dr. Director!"

"Are we trying to compare whose henchmen in the past we faced in the past?" Kim wondered.

"KS, in all our years of crimefighting, Dementor's were ususally the toughest!" Ron said, shifting the car's gear into drive.

"Yeah." Kim replied while kissing her husband on the cheek, "Now, let's begin this drive!"

The kids and mole rat cheered as the minivan began its 500-mile journey to the Lipskys.

For the first 15 miles of the journey, all seemed fine within the Stoppables in their minivan.

That was until Ron uttered the following words.

"Uh, KS! Something just came to my mind!"

Kim asked, "What is it, Ron?"

"Did I turn the stove off. You know...after breakfast before we locked up the house?" Ron asked and then began to scream out loud.

And then Kim began to scream in horror as well, followed by Rufus, Justin and Alexa.

They were on the outskirts of Denver when Ron made a turnaround to go back to the house.

(1 more hour hater)

"Well that was a complete waste of time!" Kim said, resting her head on her right elbow.

The Stoppable family was now on Interstate 76 on the outskirts of Fort Morgan. As it turned out, Ron actually DID turn off the stove after breakfast.

"I gotta stop having these brain farts!" Ron replied while keeping his hands on the wheel of the Stoppable-mobile.

Then, Kim's smartphone began to ring.

"I'll get that!" she sighed, digging through her expensive County CB handbag for the phone.

It was Ednel Juanna on the phone.

Kim: "Oh hey, Aunt Ednel!"

Ednel: "Kimberly, I hope you and Ronald are coming over here for lunch!"

Kim: "Don't worry! Ron has everything under control!

Ednel: "Riiiiiiiiiight. You do know where our house is, correct?

Kim: Is it on the edge of the Colorado-Nebraska state line?

Ednel: Yes, right between the towns of Julesburg and Holyoke. Our farm is off of US 385! And remember, I want you to not only be here by noon but also, as I mentioned last night to Ronald, to take Mary and her friend Canni to Edna Lipsky's house!

Kim: Don't worry! We'll stay here for a couple of hours and be back on the road with the two!

Ednel: I will see you then!

"So Aunt Ednel wants us for lunch?" Ron asked, "I hope this doesn't cut into Bueno Nacho time because we plan to stop at one at Oge...Ogu...ugh! I can't get the name right!"

"Ogallaga, Nebraska, Ron! No wonder why you almost flunked Barkin's US Geography course in high school!" Kim giggled.

(40 more mnutes later)

The Stoppable-mobile continued down Interstate 76. They were past mile marker 114.

Ron decided to break the ice to Kim and asked her, "KS, do you think that the Stoppable Vacation Curse will ruin this vacation?"

"What?" Kim questioned, stunned that her husband would say that "Of course not! As long as we do not take any un-necessary detours, or run into anything that is considered sick and wrong, we should be good on our way to South Dakota!"

But Ron wasn't convinced and he began to ask a myriad of questions.

"But what if something happens?" What if we run into a gang of bikers and we'd be forced to hot oil wrestle each other? What if our clothes get burned or destroyed? What if we get gunged from head to toe? What if a hot actor drives up and tries to take you away from me? "

"Ron, look at us! We're all grown up!" Kim said, pointing out the here and now, "We're into our thirties now! We got two beautiful...and peacefully sleeping...kids. So I guarantee you that nothing will happen to us on this trip to Mama Lipsky. My 'rents are also going to be there as well, so I expect you and the kids to be on your best behavior."

"That totally won't be a prob! The Ronster's gonna be cool like school!" Ron said, while flowing his left hand outward and keeping one hand on the steering wheel. "I'm like a glass half-full that's never empty!"

Kim took a look at the gas gague and said, "Um, Ron, speaking of empty..."

Ron looked at it too and said, "Ooops..."

The gas gague was nearing the red E.

"You forgot to fill the van up with gas before we left for a trip...again!" Kim muttered, raising her eyebrow.

"No prob, KS! All we have to do is to go to the Dinoco at the next exit." Ron replied. "Now let's see here! We are nearing exit 125, Sterling, Colorado."

He saw the blue information sign for gas that, yes, there is a Dinoco.

Kim turned to the sleeping Stoppable kids and said to them, "Okay, Stoppable troops, we're coming up on our first break of the trip. Do any of you kids need to use the rest room?"

"I do!" Alexa squeaked.

"I don't!" Justin added.

Rufus woke up and shook his head, indicating a yes.

"Fine." Kim sighed "Looks like I may need to use the restroom as well!"

"Alright, we're entering the exit now." Ron said while pulling the van into the onramp.

The van headed right to go to the nearby Dinoco and stopped right.

Ron said, "Alexa, my dear, go with Mommy to go tee-tee. I'll stay here with Justin and fuel up the van."

"Yes, Dad!" Alexa replied as she got out of the car with Kim. Rufus got out the car as well.

"Do you want anything, Ron?" Kim asked.

"Meh...just a coffee and some nachos." Ron replied. "It'll tide me over till we get to Oolal...Ooolei?"

"Ogallala, Nebraska!" Kim corrected him.

"That's what I was about to say, KS." Ron groaned, "There's a Bueno Nacho over there that we can eat for lunch.

Kim and Alexa headed off together into the Dinoco. Ron, in the meantime, took the key out of the ignition, and set the keys to lock because of the fact that Kim had a lot of valuable jewelry in the Stoppable-mobile. He put the keys in his back pocket loosely and got off the driver seat, whistling. But he was unaware that the keys slipped from his khakis pocket, falling onto the seat. He closed the door and started to pump the gas.

After about 5 minutes, the gas tank was full.

"Ah, she's all up and ready to go!" Ron grinned while putting the nozzle back into the pump.

He turned to the drivers seat and gasped! Ron's keys were on the edge of the drivers seat...and the van is locked with Justin inside, laughing and making faces!

"Oh no! Oh please NO!" Ron exclaimed, struggling to get the door to open.

PREVIOUS: https://sharperthewriter.tumblr.com/post/186109849473/stoppable-family-vacation-ch-8

[fleetwooded]

talk about music!!!!!! gimme the whole top ten, then i also want 22, 44, and 88!!

THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME STEPH!!! this ended up predictably long-winded, so here is the list, and you can click through to read how i feel about all these songs if you want to. if you’re on mobile, and have to scroll through, i’m so sorry. 

1. why, fleetwood mac2. from the dining table, harry styles3. home, one direction4. animal, troye sivan5. i’m yours, pixie geldof6. ambitions, donkeyboy7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke8. bad (live), U29. american tune, paul simon10. 1950, king princess

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac44. trouble, lindsey buckingham88. border, years & years

ask me about my favourite music of the year! 

1. why, fleetwood mac - this is ZERO PERCENT a surprise, i think i’ve fallen asleep to this song every night for the past three years. it is one of my favourite fleetwood songs even though it’s a real niche one - the final track off mystery to me, which is uhhh not one of their more popular albums. but a) i am very fond of the awkward post-peter green pre-lindsey/stevie albums, b) christine mcvie gets paid DUST by everyone, but she is an incredible songwriter with an incredible voice, and really held the band afloat during that era, and c) this song is so gentle and beautiful and i could never ever get tired of listening to it. i’m obsessed with the extended guitar opening, which keeps you waiting for the piano to kick in for ages and makes you instinctively listen more closely to the guitar throughout the whole song. also the lyric well, my heart will rise up with the morning sun / and the hurt I feel will simply melt away is such a beautiful and clearly expressed sentiment. and when those strings come out from the back of the arrangement just before the last stanza!! ugh i love this song.

2. from the dining table, harry styles - honestly this is only so high up because it is one of the other two songs on my sleep playlist and therefore gets played every day lmao. i will say that this is pretty much the only song of his where the studio version is better than the live version, and therefore the only one i regularly listen to after going to his concert bc i don’t resentfully compare it to the live experience. that harmony on the third maybe someday you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too and the strings in that whole section make the entire song worth it. 

3. home, one direction - lol i always say that my favourite 1d song is walking in the wind, but it’s really this one. i was in a very small, l*arry-free corner of the fandom when this came out, so it never had those associations for me, and i just think it’s a very warm and beautiful song and i DO NOT understand why it was not on the album. i also used to listen to it every morning back when i had to walk to work at 4:30am (in the winter! when it was pitch black and i lived in a not-so-great area!), and it was very very comforting to me, so listening to it always sparks that feeling of comfort, like being wrapped up tight in a warm blanket.

4. animal, troye sivan - the last song on my sleep playlist, and one of the best songs off his new album imo. my favourite kind of song is the kind where you can put on big headphones, get on a bus or train, close your eyes, press play, and just have an experience. it’s unquantifiable! everyone’s mileage will vary! you either feel it, or you don’t! but i really really feel it with this one, especially on the second verse. it’s such a stripped back song, but has this rich sonic landscape that just pulls you in if you let it. 

5. i’m yours, pixie geldof - ugh, this album was such a huge and exciting discovery for me this year. i had no idea she made music until i heard woman go wild on one of nick grimshaw’s insta stories and looked it up, and then i listened to her album over and over and over again for months and developed a massive, useless celebrity crush on her. it’s a little bit derivative, definitely nothing groundbreaking, but so perfectly matched to my sensibilities and so endlessly listenable. i also find it very satisfying to hear something and instantly know it’s going to be your new favourite thing, and then get to prove yourself right. i usually listen to the album all the way through, so i don’t think about the specific songs too much, but if i had to pick a favourite, it would be this one!

6. ambitions, donkeyboy - i’m pretty sure i found this song because it was referenced in a fic lmao? if that is the case, a million thank yous to whoever wrote that, because i never would have come across it otherwise. it’s a collaboration between a 2000s norwegian synthpop band and a girl whose only other resume builder was finishing in seventh place on norwegian idol. but it is a BOP, and a bop with a strong emotional drive, which is the best kind. the lyric I can't tolerate / the feelings that I feel when I feel is another one i spend the whole song waiting for. 

7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke - another song i have been listening to for years and years and never tire of. when my best friend moved out of her parents’ house, she said that the only reason she wanted her own place was so she could sit in her living room and play this song on a turntable. she did play it, often, because she only owned a few records for the longest time, so listening to it always brings me back to curling up on her couch and talking and talking while she made me dinner in her tiny and dark but beautiful home. 

8. bad (live), U2 - god i love this song. i think i have talked about it on here before, so i won’t go on and on, but i LOVE this song. tbh i have never actually listened to the album version of this song, and maybe it is just as good, but i really love live albums - when they can capture the spirit and energy and RISK of a live concert, they feel so electric. anything could go wrong at any moment when music is being played live, or it could go SO right, and the artist and crowd could feed off each other’s energy until the whole venue feels alive, and the music could take on a whole new artistic life. idk what exactly it is, but i feel all that potential in this song. it’s eight glorious minutes of that electricity, and every time you think it’s peaked, it just keeps going and reaches new heights. my favourite is the bit where bono just belts out the words desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, isolation, desolation, isolation, let it go like a cry out into the universe. i think about it so often. sometimes i also want to just stand in front of a crowd and yell ISOLATION, DESOLATION. i feel that live music can often feel like a purging, or a cleansing, or a transformation - like singing about these feelings of profound misery or pain or anger with a crowd of people who also feel those feelings can reshape them into something joyful and exultant instead.

9. american tune, paul simon - damn, this really was a melancholic year!! this is another of my go-to comfort songs when i am feeling those lost feelings. i listened to it a lot in the winter, and again this fall, and related a little too much to the bits about being so far away from home. it’s got this sense of deep weariness in its lyrics and structure that i like listening to when i am very tired and want to commiserate. the drums leading up to the and I dreamed I was dying are my favourite musical moment, but my favourite lyric is the ending, with: tomorrow's going to be another working day / and I'm trying to get some rest / that's all I'm trying to get some rest.

10. 1950, king princess - honestly, introducing me and the world to king princess is the best thing harry did all year. first of all, it’s truly remarkable how much cultural power he has - not that this song wouldn’t have been successful without him, but literally every write-up and interview mentions him tweeting the lyrics as a mark of approval that propelled her into the public eye. it’s also just an incredibly well crafted song, and i’m endlessly impressed by her talent. to write and perform a song like this at her age is no small feat, and i’m very glad she’s ended up getting the attention she has. i got to see her live this summer with my sister and a few of our friends, and she was every bit as commanding and magnetic as i would have imagined. 

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac - another all time favourite!! at my work this summer, my boss was a very cool woman who played in a very cool all-female punk band. we got along tremendously, except for that she had NO patience for me constantly playing what she referred to as “mom rock.” this one is the only fleetwood mac song she liked, so i would just play it over and over and we would delight in that shimmery little intro. when i was closing, i would put it on just as the sun went down enough to shine right through the big windows at the front of the store, and it feels good to know that i am going to listen to it years from now and remember that summer and that sun.

44. trouble, lindsey buckingham - my fave song of his, except maybe never going back again. i really like this whole album, but this song is another one i just want to burrow inside because it feels so rich and dense. i feel like i have nothing to say about him that hasn’t already been said - he’s a massively underrated guitarist, and a great songwriter, and i just love listening to him play.

88. border, years & years - a fantastic song off a fantastic album. i’m ngl i was a little disappointed by their sophomore album, so i just kept listening to this one. also brings me back to great memories of seeing them live and the catharsis of yelling my heart, it will start to shine / and I will be alright with a whole crowd of people. live music is magic!!

if anyone made it here, thank you for reading. i love year-in-reviews. it feels good to take stock of a year and try to put all the little moments and periods of time in order and make some sense out of them. i also love music, and it feels good to sit down and listen to my most listened to songs with new ears and try to remember or figure out why i listened to them so often. it’s been a long, hard, tumultuous year, but my relationship with music has really flourished, and stuff like this feels like nurturing that love.

[trans-shuichisaihara]

fake it till (we) make it - Scene 1

the celebrity fake dating oumota au I started last month or smth and finally picked up again. I really love this au so uhh hopefully y’all do too! coughs bc it’s probably a slow burn and i have too many of those

(read on AO3)

Kaito Momota, up-and-coming actor newly known for his roles in various sci-fi films, has a problem. Said problem comes in the form of his frequent costar ringing insistently on his door at 2am.

“What the fuck,” is all his tired mind can create to greet him with. If Kokichi minds, he doesn’t show it, a wild grin filling his face.

“Good morning, Kaito!”

“It’s the middle of the night, this better be real fuckin’ important.” A headache is already starting to form right behind his eyes, so he really isn’t in the mood for-

“I’m bored; you should be a good host and entertain me!”

Three seconds later, Kaito slams the door in his face.

“Hey! Kaito! C’mooon!” The relief from his voice being muffled only lasts a matter of seconds, as Kokichi goes back to ringing the doorbell rapidly.

“Fine,” he groans, throwing the door back open, “Get in here before I call someone to get rid of you.”

He wastes no time obeying, hurrying past Kaito and straight to the living room, vaulting over and onto the couch.

He sighs, closing the door and massaging his aching head. “You could at least take off your shoes, asshole.”

“I’m good,” he cheekily replies, resting said shoes on the arm of the couch, “Come sit over here.” He pats the seat next to him. Kaito shakes his head and opts to sit on the opposite end.

“Are you gonna explain why the hell you’re awake at 2 in the morning or should I just assume you’re going out of your way to bother me?”

He hums in response, before his expression changes to a pout. “My manager wants me to change my sleep schedule so we can get some night scenes out of the way. But no one else is ever awake at this time of night unless they’re completely smashed.”

Kaito pinches his nose; what was Kokichi starring in again? He himself isn’t doing anything currently, waiting for preparations for the next film to wrap up. “Why don’t you go bother Miu then? She supposedly never sleeps.”

“She sleeps weird hours, but she’s in France with Kaede right now.”

Oh, yeah, that’s right. “Ugh, call her or text her or something then; it’s like normal morning hours there.”

“No thanks,” Kokichi declines, kicking off his shoes, “I don’t want to interrupt her honeymoon.”

He furrows his brows at his word choice; they’re there for Kaede’s piano concerts, right? Well, whatever. “Why don’t you go bother-” Fuck, who could he send Kokichi off to? He couldn’t bother Shuichi or Maki with him, and all their other mutual friends either expressed annoyance with him or didn’t stand up to him when he was being like this. Dammit. “... Fine, whatever, guess you can be my problem for tonight.”

It has to be illegal for him to look so happy at being the source of someone’s sleep deprivation. “Aw, I knew you’d come around. No one can resist me.” Fucking spoiled brat.

“Just find some way to entertain yourself; I got plenty of shit lying around. I'm goin' back to sleep.” He stands, waving him off, but doesn’t get far before Kokichi lunges forward and grabs his wrist.

“I have a huge Lego Star Destroyer in my car and if you don’t help me build it I’ll egg your house.”

... Well, how could he say no to that? “Dude, you act as if building that would be a bad thing.”

He hums in response, releasing Kaito and tossing his keys up to him without warning. He catches it midair, nearly missing the sly smirk that crosses Kokichi’s face. “You’ll see~!”

The box isn’t that big, but it’s heavier than he expected it to be. Not anything he can’t handle, but it still causes him some trouble getting it through the door, determined to be as difficult as its owner. He becomes very familiar with information on the side of the box as he’s bringing it in; 3152 pieces, recommended for ages 16 and up.

Looks like Kokichi would have to sit out, haha.

Relaying that joke to him when he finally sets it down in the living room earns him a huff and an annoyed shout reminding him that they’re the same age. Geez, it isn't Kaito’s fault he looks nothing like a 23 year old. He doesn't look a day over 15, and that's just a fact.

“So, why do you even have this? Don't tell me you bought it just to bribe me,” he asks as they pull out the bags of pieces from the box, Kokichi flipping through the first few pages.

“No way, it's just something I impulse bought last Christmas and never got around to building. I remembered it while I was sitting around bored and hey, you're the residential space freak.” He grabs the baggie labeled “1” from Kaito’s pile, tearing it open with more force than necessary.

“Hey, careful! You’ll lose pieces like that!”

“Relax, it's the first bag, and your house is surprisingly clean. Seriously, do you even live here?”

Kaito feels a bit offended at that. “What does that mean?! You think I live like a slob or somethin’?!”

“Uh, yeah? Your dressing room is always a mess.” He pauses. “Do you keep the mess in your bedroom then?” He gives him a teasing wink as he begins snapping pieces together.

“My room’s clean too, asshole. It's not hard to keep a clean house.”

“I bet it is, when you own literally nothing.” He shakes his head. “I was expecting collectables and spaceship models everywhere.”

Well... He does have those, but they're in his study where he can see them while he works out. “What, so are you saying you own a bunch of junk then?” He did say that he impulsively bought this.

Kokichi's face goes flat for a moment, before snapping back into a grin. “Yep! You caught me, I'm a huuuuge hoarder!” And a huge liar; anyone who works with him for even five minutes knows that.

“Yeah, sure.” Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. He can't judge a house he's never seen. Which begs the question- “Where the hell do you even live?”

“I wonder,” he answers with a non-answer, flipping to the next page. Kaito shakes his head, unsurprised.

After he grabs one of the other instruction booklets and his own bag of pieces - pushing Kokichi’s scattered pieces towards him to prevent mixing - the two of them work in silence for a long while. Kaito starts to yawn as he flips through the seemingly endless instructions, blurry vision causing him to keep misreading the pictures and forcing him to frequently tear apart sections of his progress.

“You're really bad at this,” Kokichi comments as he finally finishes his booklet, standing up and stretching.

“Fuck you, I'm doing my best on three hours of sleep.”

“Hmm, should've gone to bed earlier. Besides, I only got four and I'm perfectly fine.” Despite his words, the next sound to leave his mouth is a poorly disguised yawn. “Anyway, I'm gonna raid your pantry as punishment for being so slow.”

Ughhh. “Good luck finding anything, I haven't gone grocery shopping recently.”

There's a long pause as Kokichi inspects the food situation for himself. He returns a minute later with a tupperware container. “How are you alive?”

“Meal prep and tons of leftovers.” He hauls himself up with a low groan, before walking over and taking the container from him. “Don't eat this; it's my lunch for tomorrow.”

Kokichi sticks his tongue out at him. “Whatever, I didn't want your gross... whatever that is.” He huffs, turning back into the kitchen to poke around.

Kaito sighs. “Want me to order a pizza?” That's a better option than him getting into the little food that remains.

He perks up, closing the barren freezer. “I supposeee,” he drawls, pretending to be disinterested.

“What toppings?” He pulls up a list of nearby pizza places, hoping one of them would deliver at almost 3:30am. Closes at 3am, closes at 2am, midnight... Damn.

“None pizza with left beef, obviously.”

“C’mon Kokichi, a serious answer please.”

“Fine, pineapple with anchovies.”

“Alright, no take backs,” he answers, still squinting at his phone to find a place.

Kokichi sighs after a minute of unsuccessful searching. “Gimme that, I know a place.” Before he can object, his phone is in his hands and the pizza is ordered, along with some mystery combo items.

Afterwards, the phone is returned to him unharmed, thankfully. “It’s gonna be 34 dollars, spaceman.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah yeah, lemme go find my wallet.” He shakes his head and makes the mistake of leaving Kokichi alone unattended downstairs.

By the time he digs his wallet out of his nightstand and takes a quick piss, the doorbell rings. He splashes some water on his face to help keep himself awake, hurrying down the stairs as Kokichi’s opening the door.

“Thank you very much! Sorry, no autographs, but you can get one from Kaito if you want.” He hurries past Kaito and away from the delivery girl, a pile of boxed food in his arms.

Kaito sighs as he pulls a 50 out of his wallet. “Need me to sign anything? And keep the change, it’s fuck o’clock in the morning, I know.” Once he’s signed in three separate places aside from the receipt, she finally leaves, letting him turn his attention back to Kokichi.

“Hey, what’s your Netflix password?” He immediately asks once the door’s closed. “I tried a bunch of stupid space references but it’s not working.”

“Like hell I’ll tell you that, use your own.” He plopped himself back down at the abandoned Legos, trying to regain focus.

“I don’t have oneeee,” he whines in response, dropping the controller down onto the floor as he flops onto his side. Kaito resists sighing again and picks it up, turning the console off, ignoring Kokichi’s continued mumbled whines.

They sit in silence for a few long moments before Kaito realizes that something’s off with the Legos. “Hey, where the hell’d all my small gray pieces go?”

He shoots Kokichi a look, and he receives a toothy smile in response. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll step on them at some point!”

He scowls - like hell he will. “Seriously, do you want us to build this or not? If we lose a shit ton of pieces right off the bat, that’s not happening.”

“I mean...” Kokichi sat up, observing his nails for a moment before turning to the pizza box next to him and opening it. “I’m pretty bored with it now. I’m trying to think of a better game to play, since Netflix and chill is out of the question.”

He coughs. “Shuddit. Fuck, you’re such a pain.” He shakes his head and starts to pick up the pieces, taking the complete piece and the almost finished one to the empty bookshelf he’s been meaning to fill in the corner of the room. Once he’s finished, Kokichi beckons him back over, shoving a paper plate with a slice on it into his hands. He eats it, only because he paid for it and he’s hungry from sleep deprivation.

It’s not too bad, honestly.

“Hmmm, I wanna take a selfie...” Kokichi thinks aloud, leaning his full body weight of literally nothing against Kaito as he pulls out his phone and opens the camera app.

“Seriously?! I’m trying to eat!”

“Just one, promise! Say pineapple!” The circular button takes their picture silently, unlike paparazzi cameras. He lets Kaito approve of it before returning to his previous position.

“Satisfied? Will you let me sleep and not make a mess if I go back to bed?” Kaito asks after the pizza and half the breadsticks are gone, yawning again.

“Only if you answer my question.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Shoot.”

“What do you think about fake dating? Specifically, me ‘n’ you?”

His question is answered by him coughing to avoid choking on his own spit.

[gyupeach]

HI FRIEND IM BACK!!!!!!!!! im sorry for taking ages to show up i was kinda busy so i didn't have much free time :/ BUT IM BACK!

omg noooo 😭 honestly depending on where you get it it doesn't hurt but i think it's more on the needles itself right? :/ BUT ITS FINE maybe if you really want you can get those fake tattoos? some of them are nice aksdjsakdsak it's an option !!!

PLEASE SHARE ON LATIN SCENARIOS AND SVT there's a jeonghan pic that i think he looks very latin is a mirror selfie and he has these glasses and a polo shirt i guess? it's just very LATIN TO ME

bruno mars pls collab with our king we're all waiting :/// AND YES EXACTLY THEY'RE BASICALLY POLAR OPPOSITS!!!!! they both make my heart tingle in different ways.

FUCK YEAH VERNON LEGEND!!!!!!! literally it's so funny bc i have a friend that ults him for ages and sometimes i just go like damn i love this verse and i barely realise it's a vernon verse and she's always like . you always like his verses . deserve . AND YEA DESERVE BC HE DELIVERS IT!

SPEAKING OF CHECK IN did you watch caratland???? YOONZINO!!!!!!! vocal unit killed it they are literally everything i absolutely love them fucking legends!!!!!!!!

ok so gam3bo1 depends on the mood. for sure not my fave but Sometimes i can listen to it?

AGE SONGS LET'S GO

1. ah! love: literally this song is everything to me i do not have enough words to explain how much i love it it's literally the third song i've listened to the most this year laksdjaksdjs like it is IT!

2. do re mi: IT MAKES ME HAPPY AND THOUGHTFUL AND LIKE IDK SAFE? AND LIKE THINGS WILL BE OK? and it makes me think of incomplete stage and how happy it made me

3. light a flame: sexy SEXY SEXY!!!!!!! but not something i listen to very often

4. hey buddy: yea. that's no it for me chief. not my cup of tea

BUT YOUR MV IDEAS PLS OH MY GOD ESPECIALLY FOR LIGHT A FLAME!!!!! SOONYOUNG LET'S GO TO THE CARIBBEAN RIGHT FUCKING NOW AND DANCE AND HAVE COCKTAILS WHILE YOU GRAB MY WAIST AND WE MOVE ACCORDING TO THE MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

also! the latest "mission" for carat anon event is to make playlists to your anon so maybe you'd like to make one for me? 🥺🥺 it can be anything like something that makes you think of your biases or of my biases or songs you've been listening to or just ANYTHING really!

- ☀️

hi! don't worry at all ☺️ my week has been crazy. i still haven't been able to finish an ask game that i love and work is so busy right now ugh ANYWAYS so tattoos!!!!! yeah i mean there's nothing i'm dying to get but if there was i think i could get over my fear of needles heheh.

oh so i think about them in like school or at parties or "asados" as we call barbecues here and i feel like they fit right in. the gose ttt episodes have convinced me of it. i would also love to watch them dance to cumbia dslskfjldskfj it's awful but i think it'd be so so so funny to watch. listen to this it's gross but also it's a good representation of what cumbia sounds like.

dude vernon is so good like even waaaaaaaaay back when they were doing seventeen project and they got told off someone was like "except vernon. you did really well" and i was like YEA damn right he did.

CARATLAND yes i watched it. i woke up at 4:30am for these men for like the third time in this pandemic but that's okay i do love me some seventeen content you know? i was so looking forward to the unit switch but i didn't expect them to do old songs so that was really nice to see heheheh i think everyone killed it but i gotta say vocal unit wins bc jeonghan chicken 🐓

i ADORE the fact that your favorite song is ah! love bc same. i feel like everyone was obsessed with light a flame and then with do re mi bc of the kids so ah! love kinda got pushed to the back of everyone's minds and noooooooo it's so good.

HEHEHEHE i'm glad you like those ideas bc light a flame is my fave and i want pledis to hear me about it 😏

OH yay playlists are my jam and i have some ideas already but i do have a question about it bc i joined in the event late... will you reveal yourself after i post it? or do you reveal yourself first so i can tag you 🤔 hmm many thoughts lol

[i-am-always-lost]

Day 25 | Yokohama

I have been planning to go to Yokohama ever since the first week I've been in Tokyo.

For some reason, that iconic (for me at least) Ferris wheel from Honey and Clover has always been in my head since 2007. I don't even think it's the one from Yokohama but that started my fascination for Ferris Wheels. I've never even been on a proper one. I think the only one I've been on is the two story high one in Sunway Pyramid. PLEASE DONT LAUGH AT ME!

Been putting it off because I know it requires a full day and I don't get many full days. Because I waste my full days on studying (this is for my parents)! Yay! Plus it's bloody far away. It takes 1.5 hours and FOUR lines to get from the nerimatakanodai station to yokohama. But believe it or not, there is a direct train. It changes automatically. Color me surprised because my station is small, obscure and very far away. It goes from the seibu Ikebukuro line -> Fukutoshin metro -> Tokyo Tokyu metro (passing by Shibuya) and one more which I forgot to get to Montomachi Chuukagai (China town stop). You never know who would google this. Hello to Kyoko's future homestay guests!

Of course, Ferris wheel obsession aside, I was attracted to Yokohama for an entirely different reason.

Pilgrimage no 2!!

For those of you watching Bungou Stray Dogs (probably only two of my friends), you will know that it's set in Yokohama. It's a beautiful seaside town - bad description- one of the oldest and major ports in Japan. It is heavy with infrastructure yet beautiful in its own way. Other people know it as the place where the ramen museum is located. I know it as a port area.

tl;dr: No regrets coming here but might have regretted going to the ramen museum earlier than expected. Covered MOST of the places from BSD.

But you wouldn't want a tl;dr when you just clicked 'Read More', don't you?

How did I travel around?

I painstakingly planned out all locations according to a Crunchyroll article screenshots of the real life comparisons with the anime ones. SHOUTOUT TO YI EN BC I couldn't access the website in Japan. Okay, it didn't take that long and it was pretty fun. I ended up walking all over Yokohama though because of bad planning on my part. Also I got distracted by the ramen museum so I ended up missing one hour  of daylight.

Some fucked up route I took

For some reason, I stayed on past Yokohama and went all the way to Chinatown, which cost like 210 yen more! My brain thought that it would be the easiest starting point (which it was) so I went there. It was dead empty on a 9:30AM Wednesday morning, no doubt. Shops were opening slowly but pretty much no sign of life. So I decided to stand in the middle of the street to take a photo. TIP: Do not do this. There might be cars.

Got the shot!

Unfortunately, I couldn't see many similarities aside from the sign. I might have been at the wrong entrance as there are a number of entrances. The one in the anime has red poles and they have different store fronts surrounding it. Oh well!

Walked in Chinatown for a bit and saw tian hou gong. Pretty Chinese of them to have it right smack in the center of China town, lol! 

After that, I went to the park (you can observe the “logical” sequence)

The view from the deck was so amazing. You can see the Yokohama view and bridge from here. I didnt knew how to take less shitty photos though.

There was a flower garden near by as well with a nice fountain.

This is near the exit of the park where the girl wanted to surrender her crimes to the nearest police station from the anime.

Motomachi shopping street. This street looks quite fancy with all the fancy shops along the street. Even the roads look like they are right out from an anime. But you can see its very European-esque.

After that, I walked past this doll museum so I just went in randomly. It was 400 yen and the dolls were pretty creepy looking. The museum was designed like a huge, pink dollhouse! 

Entry ticket

Historical japanese dolls where they displayed dolls according to their geographical regions of Japan. They had international dolls too. The Malaysian one was in some traditional Malay outfit lol.

After that, I walked along the pier to get to the bay area where the ferris wheel and brickhouse was located.

Inside the brickhouse place was a shopping area! One of the shops that was interesting was this fake food shop. Look at the toasts!!! 

I bought a piece of salmon! It found its permanent spot on my bag pack now hehe.

Ferris wheel scene near one of Yokohama’s theme park. You will definitely see it near the pier.

Not quite the angle but trust me, this was the best I could get.

Yokohama’s Customs (Queens tower)

Okay. I walked past this building before heading to the ramen museum so the sequence is a little messed up. Honestly, I shouldnt have went to the Ramen Museum if I wanted to take good photos in the day but I still went anyway! 

The Ramen Museum near the Ferris Wheel (apparently there’s a nicer and larger one at Shin Yokohama which i HIGHLY regret not going to because of time constraint - I really should have skipped dinner that night) was pretty good, but I wouldnt waste my time if i were you and just go to the one at Shin Yokohama. At the very least, I got to customized my own Ramen cup and learnt a little about the Ramen history! Nissin is the main brand if you wondering. I never knew it was Japanese from the packaging when I used to see it at the local Asian grocer.

The interior looks damn nice and atas ok,

Vending machines for you to get empty cups. Customized ones are about 300 yen each!

This is how it looks like pre cooked.

After this experience, I think I’m a Nissin convert now. (They actually have laksa flavours at Hometown (Elizabeth Street near my Melb apartment) 

OKAY. SORRY FOR THE DETOUR (maybe I should do a two parter...)

The Yokohama Port Opening Memorial Hall.

I know this is a horrible photo but all my other photos could barely be seen due to the direction of the sun!! I took this photo around 4pm and the sun was so setting so quickly. This was when I realized I should have planned my whole pilgrimage better. Wasted too much time at the Ramen Museum.

Museum of History and Culture of Kanagawa Prefecture, Yokohama

As you can see, the skies are getting darker with every photo heh. 

The police station featured in the anime!

(this is the photo with the Kevin filter - wanted to give it the orange tinge. The sun was setting when I took this photo but it didnt hit the building :( )

Yokohamabashi Shopping District.

I remember the moment when I finally reached this street - it was such a long day and it was getting so dark at merely 5:30 (fuck winter, seriously), and I felt so relieved that I found most of the places featured on Crunchyroll! Sadly, I didnt get to find the bridge shot and the pier, plus the big longkang featured in episode 1. But I’m happy enough.

Inside the shopping street. 

It’s pretty old in comparison to the Motomachi shopping street and it is mainly selling food stuff - its like a market!

After that, I took the train home. I was lucky enough to only switch twice tbh! I was on the same train that automatically switched lines 4 times (i love Japan for almost 30 stops. The train ride was like 90 minutes long and I even made it back for dinner.

Yokohama is seriously one of the nicest, prettiest places in the world. I think I just personally love ports (Docklands, Yokohama, Port Klang (lol jk)) because of that fantastic ocean view in contrast with the city skyline.

ugh bring me back pls

If you have the chance, go to Yokohama or Kanagawa or just fucking both bc the views are definitely worth. Pictures cannot describe the feeling that you will experience. I promise that it will be worth it.

One day, I’m going back to Yokohama to complete my pilgrimage.

[theguywiththesixthsense-blog]

-Day 2- | Strange Day

Morning started off quite well Alhamdulillah, Felt unusually weak today like yesterday. Body just felt really weak for some reason. At times i could feel my heart beating. Hands shaking and all. But went through the day quite fast actually. class ended at 10 ish and i wanted to immediately come home cz i was feeling so weak. BTW i DO sleep properly in fact i’ve slept more in the past 2 days than i have in a week or so. Anyways mom’s sitting beside me and talking to me about her day while im typing about mine. Story of my life. So i wanted to come home early but then Salah wanted to eat so since i was not feeling so well he said he’d eat and then drop me home. So he decided to eat at a restaurant near my home and he wanted to have Mcdonalds so the nearest one just happens to be the one where i have some old memmories. Yes it was that one near Alfailsal. Idk why but that place just gives off all kinds of bad vibes whenever i go near it. Today when i went in i instantly felt weird and wrong. But anyways we ordered food and were waiting for it and a long time passed actually and then i saw this foreign english man showing his receipt to this guy behind the counter and saying that he has been waiting for around 45 mins for his food so i naturally got worried and i got up and asked the man behind the counter that if there was a problem in the kitchen or something. This guy for some reason says ‘How are you? in arabic’ like in a mocking way so i asked him again and he says why aren’t you speaking in Arabic? i said im not from here that’s why Then he asks where am i from but all this conversation he is having is in a way as if he was mocking me or something. so i told him that’s none of your business and mashaAllah this guy he goes like well what do you want ? i said i want to know how long my food will take and he goes like thats none of your business and im like ._. what ? you serious dude ? lol ? do you know how to speak in english ? or are you just making a fool of yourself ? when i said this THIS other saudi guy pops in from nowhere and starts talking in english shouting at me saying YOU should be able to speak in arabic if you are in here its not him who should be able to speak in english. This is an arab country  so you should speak in arabic, im just in awe at this point not knowing what the fuck is going on. Meanwhile Salah is completely outraged and is trying to peacefully sort out the situation as calmly as possible until that first guy refused to open the doors for us to leave after we got the food. Which he closed for salah earlier. This pissed salah off so much idk why. anyways he threatened to complain about him and asked him his name and at first he became furious and went inside but then after a while sent another employee to open the door with the keys. All this made my adrenaline rush up to my heart and my already weak body now felt even weaker than ever.  Anyways salah kept telling me shaheer just tell me if you want me to complain or not because i can and he may even loose his job. i just said no forget it. Then i came home and went to bed for a while until i realised i couldnt sleep for some reason. Body was really weak yet still didn’t feel like sleeping. So i jsut got up and started playing. As my mind got busy slowly slowly that pain that grief faded into a corner in the back of my head. but i made sure i pray my heart out after every salah and ask Him to forgive us and to bring that day closer and closer to us. 

The way i act right now is so strange. It’s a version of me i’ve never experienced before. Its like idk.. it’s just wierd i dont know how to describe it. I just know that i am lot more quiet and calm about everything in general.

its 1:30am 2nd Day finished. Going to bed now i think. Tomorrow have clinical skills from 1pm. ugh my legs hurt i guess from tiredness. Anyways gota go now.