#ugh this man is so disgusting i want him to kill me

[iguessigotta]

y'all know the rules with BTD stuff: 18+ ONLY, no exceptions Strade x transmale reader (nothing specific tho) we getting self indulgent tonight gonna fuck the greasy man fuck yeah here we goooooo

first off this man is GROSS. NASTY. HORRIBLE.

don't expect him to smell nice you'll just be disappointed lmao

he drinks so much beer you're sure his mouth permanently tastes like the stuff

as horrified as you are by the idea, you think you might be becoming addicted to it

Strade is ROUGH in bed

i'm talking wrenching your arms backwards while his other hand presses into the back of your neck, leaning his weight onto you and forcing your face into the bed, leaving you to struggle for tiny breaths through one nostril

he will straight up fold your ass in half (you didn't even know your body could do that)

and one time he fucking threw you across the room-

no one can deny that Strade loves marking you up - just look at what he's done to Ren!

bruises, hickeys, perfect imprints of his teeth, scabbed over and sure to leave a scar

and the toys he brings into the bedroom?

ropes, handcuffs, gags, knives, lighters, duct tape and a plastic bag over your head, suffocating you and keeping you trapped on the verge of passing out as Strade ruts into you like a feral beast

the lewd groan he lets out when you clench around him nearly makes you cum right then and there

half the time Strade isn't fucking you, not really

he's simply using your body to get off. like some kind of living fucktoy

what's worse is he tends to fall asleep afterwards with alarming speed

sometimes right there on top of you, leaving you to rut desperately against him, crushed under his weight and still fully impaled on his slowly softening dick

sometimes you wake up to him fucking himself into you - seemingly still asleep himself

you're too delirious in your own half-asleep state to stop yourself from rolling your hips against his, whining softly when he presses himself in deeper. your eyes roll back as you spread your legs, allowing Strade's sleeping body to chase its own pleasure within yours. greedily you clench again, spurring his body to fuck a bit harder into you. you use his sleeping body just as he's used yours. and as you fall asleep, Strade's body still awkwardly moving against yours, seeking the friction you'd cruelly stopped giving him, you can't help the small smile that creeps its way onto your face

and this isn't even mentioning when Strade decides to include Ren, who's face makes a great seat

[catherinnn]

I thought of this at work today and I couldn't stop laughing: Imagine Dustin having an older sister who's back from college. So when they need a sub for Hellfire, he asks her because she's the one that taught him how to play in the first place. As soon as she walks in Eddie's brain short-circuits because "Jesus H. Christ Henderson, why didn't you tell me your sister was my dream girl?!?!? I would've at least brushed my hair!"

Que Dustin not sure whether he should be disgusted because his sister keeps flirting with his DM all night or excited because there is now a very strong possibility Eddie could become his brother-in-law now.

Roll for Initiative eddie munson x henderson!reader warnings: nothing much really, just fluff overall. eddie self-doubts for just a second, no use of y/n, cursing. a/n: thank you so much for requesting! I really hope you like it. reblogs and comments are very very appreciated. 2.2k words masterlist

“So,” Mike starts talking, Dustin takes notice of his sarcastic tone. “Who the fuck do we know that secretly plays D&D and would want to sub for Lucas”

“Um, well…” but before Dustin can get a word out Mike interrupts him.

“I mean, we’re fucked! Eddie’s gonna hate us and kick us out of Hellfire!”

“Dude-“

“No Dustin, I’m serious! I’m gonna kill Lucas and all his stupid new friends”

“Mike! Do you remember what I told you earlier? About my sister?”

“Uh… no?” he confesses.

“Honestly! Do you ever listen to me?!” Dustin claims angrily. “What I told you is that she’s coming back home. And she used to play, dude!”

“Are you serious?” Mike exclaims, unable to believe their luck. He asks “When does she get here?”

--

Dustin's heart pounds with anticipation as he waits at the doorstep. It had been months since he last saw you, and he couldn't wait to catch up.

And as your mom’s car pulls into the driveway, Dustin cannot contain his excitement. He rushes to greet you, nearly stumbling over his own feet in his haste. You step out of the car, a weary smile on your face as you spot your little brother.

"Dustin!" you exclaim, opening your arms for a hug. "You've gotten even taller since I last saw you."

“You think so?” he asks with hope.

“Oh right? He’s turning into a whole handsome tall man already!” your mom butted into the conversation and you both cringe at her choice of words.

“Ugh, I missed you!” you hug him again and he laughs.

Once you’re inside the house, Dustin wastes no time in bombarding you with stories of his D&D campaigns. He told you about the epic battles and the incredible DM the club has. You make a mental note to tease Steve as soon as you see him since he’s no longer Dustin’s coolest older friend.

“That club sounds so fun!”

"Do you think... would you want to join our club as a sub?" he asks eagerly. "We're short one person since Lucas joined the dark side”

You frown in confusion and he explains. “He’s in the football team”

“Really?” you ask surprised.

“Yeah…” he sounds disappointed. “Anyway, would you help us? Please”

“You’re sure they won’t mind?”

“They would be so thankful if you help us beat Eddie’s ass”

“Okay, sure then” you agree laughing.

--

“Come on! We’re gonna be late!” Dustin shouts from the living room waiting impatiently for you.

“I’ve been ready for like ten minutes, you’re the one who’s taking so long” you answer calmly, not knowing what all the fuss is about.

Meanwhile in the drama room in Hawking’s High…

“Alright gentlemen, are we ready to start?” Eddie says as he walks in.

“Umm no, Dustin’s not here yet” Mike stops him.

“Well, where is he?”

“He’s probably arriving any time now”

“Wheeler, we don’t have all day-“ Eddie starts complaining but the door opening abruptly interrupts him. An agitated Dustin walks in and starts apologizing, but Eddie’s not listening to him.

The club leader still frozen mid-sentence, his brain seemingly short-circuiting as he laid eyes on you, standing by the door. He stumbled over his words, his thoughts are silent but screaming at the same time. Suddenly, the room seemed smaller, the air thicker, as if a spell had been cast upon him.

However, you’re still oblivious to the effect you had over him.

“Soo, who’s this?” Gareth finally asks after waiting for Eddie to ask that question, but he was not even moving.

“Oh, this is my sister” Dustin starts introducing you. Eddie’s trance is broken when he hears your name, the prettiest name he’s ever heard. “She’ll sub for Lucas”

“She will?” Eddie asks with a hint of hope in his voice. All of the sudden hoping Lucas won’t be able to join Hellfire ever again.

The rest of the boys are waiting expectantly for Eddie to ask you all types of question until he finds an unsatisfying enough answer and he’ll decide you can’t sub. But he never does. So Gareth starts asking if you even know how to play D&D.

“Sure she does, she was the one who taught me how to play in the first place” your brother steps in.

You tell the boys your level in the game and for some reason they all seem surprised. They start murmuring among each other. But you notice how the boy on the big throne leans over to your brother to whisper something. You play dumb and walk closer to them.

"Jesus H. Christ Henderson, why didn't you tell me your sister was my dream girl? I would've at least brushed my hair!" He whispers-shouts and a smile starts forming on your face.

You’d be lying if you said he hadn’t called your attention. His big puppy eyes, all the rings on his hand. You don’t know why he says that about his hair, you thought it looked really good like that.

At any rate, you take a seat next to your brother, which just so happens to also be next to Eddie. Happy coincidence. And you start playing, Eddie sets the scene. He makes you imagine every single little detail so you feel like you’re actually there. He makes different voices for each character which makes you giggle. He even stands up, or leans over on the table, he talks to every single one of you, not forgetting about anyone. It’s mesmerizing to see him like this.

“I love how passionate you get” you comment and it makes him smile so hard.

He noticed before, every time he would change the tone in his voice to imitate a character, you’d laugh, and now he keeps changing voices just to hear it again.

“Give me the gold! He says. Or I’ll set my hungry wolves free, right this second!” Eddie acts and without failing he’s able to hear your snorts. It distracts him in the best way possible. “You have an adorable laugh” he tells you with a smirk.

This obviously makes you giggle once more, this time with a pink blush decorating your cheeks. “Thanks, it’s just- you’re cute making all the voices”

Now it’s Eddie’s turn to blush and smile once more.

Dustin notices this exchange —all of the other boys did— but he can’t decipher how he feels about it. On the one hand, he feels a little jealous and uncomfortable that you two keep flirting. But on the other hand, it would be really cool to have Eddie as his brother in law.

However, the game continues and so does the places Eddie takes you all to in your minds. So much so that at one point you start getting dizzy.

“Wait, where are we again?” you ask.

“In the mountains near the lake” Gareth answers.

“Are we close to the palace?”

“No no, the palace is behind the woods” Mike explains now. They have more of an advantage than you do, they've been playing this campaign for weeks now.

“Wh- Do you have a map?” You finally ask Eddie and he nods passing it to you.

“Here’s the palace” he comes closer and signals on the map, “and here is where you are”

“Oh, okay”

“You know, if you’re still lost I can stick around to guide you” he whispers giving the closeness.

“Well, you’re the bad guy here,” you argue imagining you’re still inside the game. “How do I know you won’t try to kill me?”

“Me?” he gasps acting offended. “I would never!”

“You already killed Jeff!” you accuse him.

“Yeah, but he’s not half as pretty as you are. I’d miss you too much” he makes sure he’s whispering very close to you now, just because if Jeff heard him he’d start acting offended. Just because of that… no other reason.

“Can we keep playing now? My mom will be here in like ten minutes to pick me up” Mike complains.

Those ten minutes fly by. Before you even realize it, Mike’s mom is honking in her car to hurry him up. And so you finish for the day, starting to gather all your things.

“You know, you owe me a pencil” you tell Eddie.

“Oh really? Why’s that?” he asks playfully.

“I only borrowed it to you! I did not gift it!”

“So you’re calling me a thief? First a killer and now a thief? Glad to know you think so badly of little old me”

“I didn't just called you that!” you say in you defence and he makes confused face, signalling you to continue talking. “I also said you’re cute. You’re a really cute thief and killer”

He starts laughing. “Are you always this charming, or is it just when I'm around?"

“I could ask you the same thing”

“Oh only with you, sweetheart” he promises.

“Me too” you admit a little shyly.

“Yeah?-” he tries to keep flirting but Dustin cuts him off.

“Are you ready? Let’s go”

“Wow, since when are you so eager to leave hellfire?” Eddie notices.

“No reason” he lies, he’s still not sure if all this flirting between you two would be something good or not.

“I think he’s a little jealous his sister is taking all of Eddie’s attention” Gareth teases him.

“No, I’m not!”

“Aw Dusty bun!” Eddie joins in the teasing.

“I’m not jealous! Ask her out for all I care!” he says but regrets it as soon as it left his mouth.

“Really?” Eddie checks in but Dustin is a very proud person, he’s not one to bend. So he nods encouraging his friend.

Good thing you know him like the palm of your hand.

“Let’s go dingus, mom’s probably waiting for us”

Eddie feels this as punch right on his chest. Did he read too much into this? Were you not actually interested? Was it just some playful flirting?

As you walk out the school and into the parking lot. You open the car so your brother can get in but tell him to wait a second, and you walk over to Eddie who was about to get in his van.

“Wait! Thief!” you call him and he turns around. “I think you should, you know… ask me out”

He feels the happiness creeping back into his body. “Yeah? I should?” his playful tone back in his voice. “Would you want to go out with a thief and a murderer?”

“If he’s as cute as you are, then I’d think about it” you make him laugh again.

“How about tomorrow night? I’ll pick you up at eight” he proposes.

“I’ll be ready”

“Good”

“Yeah, good” you walk closer to him. “See you tomorrow then” and before leaving, you give him a kiss on his cheek. Hiding your need to kiss him more after seeing his flushed face. You’ll have plenty of time for that tomorrow.

Dustin sees you getting in the car with the biggest smile on your face. “Did you ask him out?”

“Um, yeah… listen-“

“It’s fine, really”

“No, listen. I know that maybe it’s a little uncomfortable to think of one of your best friends going out with me. But I promise I would never do anything to hurt him and make it weird between you two-“

“I know that, and I know he wouldn’t do that either” he interrupts you. “I’m just- I’m worried that I won’t be a priority to you or to him anymore”

“Dustin, are you kidding? You could not be more wrong about that!” you argue. “Imagine this date goes well, we’ll start hanging out at home and watch movies with you, we could go out to eat all together, go to the cinema, anything! You name it!”

And the more he thinks about it that way, the more he loves that idea.

So the next day, he helps you choose your outfit, he tells you which hairstyle will look better and then hurries you up when it’s 7:50 pm and you’re still putting mascara on.

“You look fine already! Amazing even! Grab your jacket cause he’ll be here any minute now!” and as soon as he says that, he recognizes that car outside with the loud metal music, seconds later he hears the door knocking.

“I’ll get it, mom!” he yells so his mother won’t embarrass you.

“No, you won’t. I will” you stop him before he can open the door. “Go back to your comic-book. I’ll be back in a few hours”

And he waits until you get back. 

When you finally do, he’s on the couch watching TV but mutes it as soon as he hears you.

“Hey” he notices the big smile on your face is on again. He also notices your lips are a little puffy and he cringes at that thought.  

“You can go to sleep happily now, the date went amazing” you explain. “God, I think I’m love with him!” you comment as you go up to your room.

“Already?” he judges a little.

But as you promised, the three of you hang out together most of the time. And as long as he looks away when you two kiss or ignores the fact that Eddie’s spending the night in your room after you all catch a movie and order some pizza. He’s really happy that you two found each other.

[charliewrites99]

I can't stop thinking how it would be like if Lestat had his interview with Daniel instead of Louis:

"He was the most beautiful man I've ever seen. He also hated himself, which always helps."

"And then he accused me of killing his brother. As if I didn't wait respectful three days after his death to ask Louis back to my bed."

"His mother was hateful. I could smell it. Great fashion sense though. Dark green was in season at the time."

"I turned him in a church. It was...Oh Daniel, the English language fails to capture the picture. Mainly because it's a garbage language."

"He was really freaking out about the baby, like they can't make a new one."

"And then he went into the woods with him. Like a common prostitute."

"So, Daniel, wanna fuck?"

"Naturally Claudia was an ungratefull little brat, who would be nothing without me. But she at least hunted people, which was more than what Louis was doing. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to live with a vampire who hunts vermin? Like a glorified house cat. Which he also ate. I was disgusted and yet I never judged him for it."

"I record one duet and suddenly I am cheating. I mean I was and he did catch me in bed with her, but he was such an over-reacter Daniel I am telling you."

"She didn't want to finish THE GAME?!!! Who does that?!! What kind of self-absorbed, inffuriating- NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!!!! *French cursing*"

"So, I turned her into a vampire. In retrospect it was a waste of time and blood. She lasted like two months. And ugh, the attitude."

"Louis cried, he still loved me I could see it. I could feel it. Claudia just used me as an ink bottle. I had to respect the commitment. Follow through was something Louis always strugled with."

"No, but seriously Daniel, I think we should fuck."

"And he put me in a light oak coffin that opened from the inside. After I specifically requested Rosewood. I know it was Claudia's doing."

"In the end *dramatic pause* I ate the rats. When I was younger I thought I would rather have been dead than to stoop so low, but here we were."

"I miss him Daniel, he was the reason I wanted to survive. Claudia hopefully perished in Central Europe somewhere. With her mismatched skirts."

"I won't turn you, but I can give you a night you won't forget until the end of you pathetic little human existance. You can top I don't care."

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Shigaraki, Overhaul and Dabi

with a Pregnant Partner

Shigaraki x GN! pregnant reader; Overhaul x GN! Pregnant reader, Dabi x GN! pregnant reader

Warnings: reader being reckless, fluff, reader is a villain in Shigaraki and Dabi’s part (is that a warning? Idk)

AN: just me being me again 😌💅 living out my hopes and dreams with soft villains

Shigaraki

Shigaraki was a busy man. He was always looking for ways to further his league of villains all while destroying All Might and his stupid protégé, Izuku Midoriya. However, his biggest challenge currently wasn’t his determination to end hero society or even to create a larger foundation for the league but instead, it was keeping his very pregnant partner contained.

“You never let me do anything fun!” You grumbled as Tomura looked at you, completely unfazed by your usual usual temper tantrum. You were six months pregnant and Tomura had learned very early on how little you appreciated his opinion on keeping yourself out of villainy duties, especially since you had become pregnant.

“So you want to give birth in prison YN?” He responds to you as you glare at him, looking around to garner any support from your fellow league memebers.

“Hey don’t look at us Yn, hand man has a point,” Dabi chuckles as Shigaraki ignored his comments, turning back to the house of cards he was currently building.

“YN my dear don’t you think you should prioritize rest especially in your current state?” Mr. Compress interjects as you turn your glare to the magician. You chose to ignore them and go back to the source your current frustration.

“Tomura I’m bored! You can’t keep me locked up in this bar forever!” You whine as Shigaraki sighs. He honestly has no idea what to do with you, and if you meant less to him, he’d probably just kill you but alas, his stupid feelings for you had always gotten in the way.

“Please listen to Tomura Shigaraki YN, he is only looking out for you,” Kurogiri adds as you continue to grumble, folding your arms and stomp your feet. You really were being completely insufferable.

Shigaraki sighed, standing up and resting his head on your shoulder while gently grazing your bump, “YN will you please stop being a brat and listen to us? We- I want you safe and you know what the doctor said. Now please will you stop annoying everyone?”

You rolled your eyes at his confession knowing Tomura meant every word he said. He was rarely affectionate but when he was, you truly knew he cared.

“Ugh fine!” You grumbled as you felt a smirk grow you’re partners face knowing he won, “But the first Nomu attack after I give birth I get to go too!”

Shigaraki chuckled, shaking his head, “whatever you say brat.”

Overhaul

Overhaul opened the door to the bedroom, wanting to do nothing more than to crawl into bed and cuddle with you. He was exhausted, his serum to eliminate quirks was nearly finished and the Shie Hassaiki was ready for phase two of his plan. He opened the door and turned on the bathroom light, looking over to see you sound asleep. Only he wasn’t met with the usual angelic picture of you in slumber, instead he was met with an empty bed. He sighed, leaving your joint room and heading down to the kitchen. His suspicions were confirmed when he noticed the light beaming from below the door.

He slowly opened the door, peering in as he saw you sitting on a stool, eating your current favorite pregnancy craving as you happily hummed away, enjoying every bite.

“Darling, what are you doing?” He asked as you looked up, face beaming with content as you finished your snack.

“Hi Kai! Are you done working? I was waiting for you in bed but then I couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d come and have a snack!” You cheered as Kai came next to you, pulling out a stool and sitting with you.

“Would you like a bite?” You asked.

Overhaul looked at you, a look at disgust on his face at your offer, “YN you know I don’t share food.”

You stare at him, deadpan at his confession as you roll your eyes, “you are aware of how I got pregnant right? So you’re really going to sit there and tell me that you won’t eat a bite of my food?”

Kai chuckled as he stood up, grabbing your empty plate and walking it over to the sink. You stood up, heading over to the sink to wash the dishes as Kai stopped you.

“Let me just do the dishes quick and then we can head to bed ok?”

“Leave them darling, someone will take care of them in the morning,” he said as you gaped at him.

“Who are you and what have you done with my husband!” You mock gasped as Kai rolled his eyes and grabbed your hand.

“You need to rest YN, now let’s go,” he said grabbing your hand as you followed behind him. You sighed knowing how much your husband loved and cared for you.

Dabi

Dabi was use to living life on his own, that was until you weaseled your way in and never left. At first he found you annoying, and to be fair, the annoyance never really did go away. However, he now found himself in a position he never thought he’d be in and that was head over heels for you. At this precise moment, however, he was more ready to kill you than he was to hug and kiss you.

“You idiot what are you doing out so late!?!?” He yelled a question you knew was retorical as he dragged you through the back alleyway of the leagues hideout. He was pissed and you knew it.

“Well you said you were coming back around midnight and when you didn’t, I got hungry and since we didn’t have anything to eat, I decided to go and get something to eat,” you declared as Dabi growled at you, turning on his heels and glaring daggers into you. You knew you were in some major trouble but unfortunately, cravings don’t wait.

“YN you know we have food, I just got food for you earlier today!” He whisper shouted as you stood there.

“Well I didn’t want that food! The baby wanted instant ramen which we didn’t have!” You growled back as your partner groaned, his hands going to his head as he paced around the alley.

“YN you realize that we are both wanted criminals right?” He said as you rolled your eyes at him.

“Are we really? I had no clue!” You mocked as you made your way to the entrance of the league’s headquarters, bag of noddles in hand.

“YN you need to stop acting so reckless! It’s one thing for me to get caught but you? Giving birth in Tartarus wouldn’t be a walk in the park!” He shouted as you headed to the kitchen.

“You act like giving birth anywhere will be a walk in the park,” you chimed, annoyed at your boyfriend as he followed you. Dabi was furious but he knew he had to calm down. This was exactly the way you were and it’s one of the big reasons he loved you so much, despite how stupidly you acted at times.

“YN listen, I’m sorry for yelling but you are literally being the biggest idiot right now,” he relented as you went about making your noodles.

“Yeah but I’m an idiot with ramen now,” you sang, unphased by your partners outburst.

“What the hell am I going to do with you?” He said, sitting down as you turned to him and smiled.

“Love me?” You questioned as an annoyed smirk entered his face.

“You’re lucky I already love you idiot.”

[ransprang]

Can I request headcanons for bg3 (basically the whole party) for the holiday seasons? (Fem aligned pronouns) Where reader was isekai'd from our world and she asks the party about holidays and is kind of bummed out theres nothing really similar to Christmas since its one of her favorite holidays. So When it gets cold out reader buys everyone a gift and wraps it with birch bark to surprise everyone? If you dont want to do the holiday thing maybe just reader who gets Isekai'd and has zero idea what to do and is really scared of everything because she has no idea whats going on?

hii thank you for the request, and have a happy holiday season!

BG3 x Christmas HCs

Astarion

looks at his Christmas gift “what in the hells is that?” “Is it poisonous or does it explode?” He just can’t fathom you’re just giving him a present. No ones ever been kind to him let alone share festive gifts. Eventually he will show up at your door naked “Is this a ‘Christmas’ enough present for you?”

He can’t stop laughing when you convince the rest of the camp to wear Christmas hats, “Clowns.” He calls them. You have to nudge him hard for him to stop ruining the festive spirit.

⁠”Is this Santa of yours a vampire? I mean..if he only comes out at night and punishes the naughty ones,” he gives you a smirk

Withers

"Ah the annual rite of gift-giving on the solstice. I do not value such material possessions but the sentiment is not lost on me." He will accept your gift but you will never see him use it.

Will show up at camp wearing a small Santa hat on his bald head. Will not answer any questions about it.

Sometimes you think if you hear him humming jingle bells but you can never make out the words because it's in some archaic dead language.

Laezel

touched your present with a stick “What is that? Are you trying to kill me?” She has a disgusted expression. Why would you spend your time getting her a gift instead of finding a solution for the parasite?

After a while of convincing, she’s ready to open it. She has a soft smile and doesn’t let it show that it actually made her warm even for a second.

After you sit her down and tell her the Christmas lore she rolls her eyes “Your kind disappoints me.” You tell her about the magic of Christmas as she smirks condescendingly “Whatever go do your thing, I’ll watch.”

Once she learns the carols and traditions there is no stopping her. She’s a woman who believes in long-standing institutes and traditions and she will uphold yours with pride too when she gets used to it.

Halsin

the way this man would hug you after receiving a gift ugh. you cannot tell me gift giving isn't one of his love languages, so he'd really really appreciate it

he keeps a very open mind while listening to you talking about Christmas and the traditions you practice. Being a druid he has his own rituals and beliefs which others judge so he is open

whittles you a wooden figurine of your favorite animal or of your pet from your world if you can describe it in detail

he would love the gift exchanging part of the tradition. he’d get everyone a gift, not as intricate as the one for you though. Maybe more so around herbs, flowers and potions

Shadowheart

"oh my, a present.. for me?" she'd be surprised that you even thought of getting her a gift

when she unwraps the gift she'd have a small smile on her face, "thank you y/n. this is very thoughtful of you. i'll remember this."

she’d be tad jealous that your beliefs are so fun. she’d lowkey wish Shar/Selune had celebrations that got people together

Gale

"A present? for me?", being locked up in his tower for so long he is quite taken aback.

"Why, where are my manners, thank you y/n. I do wish you told me about this tradition of yours. I'd have gotten you something. No matter, once we get the guests in our brains out, I'll make sure to get you something."

he'd use his magic to try and conjure up snow no matter where the party is camping

Minsc

Minsc gets very excited by whatever you get him since it's the thought that counts. "Look at what y/n got us Boo"

he sees how your eyes light up as you talk about Christmas so he gets equally excited for you

Minsc would dress up Boo in a red hat and green jacket (don’t ask how he got them)

nooooooot the best gift giver. he isn’t crafty, so he may end up making you arrows and a bow. but his smile is so big and bright that you’ll have to pretend to really like it

Wyll

He surprises you with a thoughtful gift before you can even give him one. His noble upbringing covered the strange Christmas customs of your land.

"To have you in my life is gift enough, my love. You didn't have to get me anything, your smile alone would have sufficed." Nonetheless, he accepts your gift with an elegant bow.

You both do a slow waltz to every single Christmas song you hear, no matter what the tempo or the lyrics are. You are simply too lost in each others' eyes to care.

Karlach

"Presents! For me? You're kidding!" She would run around camp like an excited toddler with her gifts. You would have to remind her to calm down so she wouldn't burn down the place.

"Thank you, soldier. I love it so much," she would grin at you. She would ask a lot of questions about Christmas and fall in love with the holiday. Gifts, food and wine, all of it would sound amazing to her after spending so many years in Avernus.

She would get really into the celebrations and her joy would be infectious. Watching her bust out her hip-hop moves during Silent Night would be the highlight of your evening.

Jaheira

"Oh, you got me a gift? How nice. See you can be kind to your elders." She would make fun of you in the moment but appreciate the gift nonetheless.

"It's not a knitted blanket for grandma, is it? I'm not ready to retire just yet."

Being a druid, she's not interested in the religious elements or traditions but joins in heartily for the eggnog and anything else booze-related.

your gifts,

admins sar, san & sav

[forever-rogue]

Hi, I'm too anxious to tell you this off-anon, but the first contact I had with Joel x reader fics was through yours and I just wanted to tell you they're amazing, I can't get enough! So many feelings!!

So I also wanted to ask, if by any chance you're still accepting requests, a Joel x reader fic where reader is incredibly insecure about herself and often questions her worth and perhaps even starts spiralling a bit, and Joel just ends up giving her a "shut up" kiss at some point 🥰🥰 all the fluff and angst, please!

Thank you for boosting me down this rabbit hole, I'm enjoying the ride :D

AN | We always hear about Joel thinking he’s not good enough for Reader, but what if it was the other way around? 🥺 

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.6k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You hated watching how women threw themselves all over Joel. All over your boyfriend. It wasn’t like they didn’t know you were together, they just flat out chose to ignore it. Despite his reassurances that it didn’t mean anything and he paid them no attention, it still managed to get under your skin and had you seeing red. Part of you wished he’d just tell them to leave him alone but, honestly, he probably didn’t even know what was going on. Or if he did, he was good at faking it.

“It’d probably be easier to just go over and tell them off,” Ellie smirked as she appeared at your side, silent and stealthy as ever. Damn her. You waved off her concern and turned back to the beer you were drinking, “if looks could kill, they’d all be dead like ten times over.”

“I’m not…no,” you huffed, face turning warm when you realized you’d been caught, “I just happened to be glaring in that direction.”

“Right,” she didn’t believe you for a second, she knew you better than that. She grabbed your beer and took a sip since you were so distracted but immediately coughed at the bitter taste, “disgusting! How can you even drink this?!”

“That’s what you get for underage drinking,” you teased and she rolled her eyes dramatically, “it’s an acquired taste, Ellie Bean.”

“Whatever you say,” she clearly didn’t believe you as she got onto the stool beside you.

“Listen,” you turned to her and tried to keep your expression as neutral as possible, “I’m, ugh, not feeling great so I’m going to head home. Will you let Joel know if he asks?”

“If?” like he couldn’t have a small heart attack when he saw that you were missing.

“When he asks,” you ruffled her hair affectionately, “I’ll see you guys at home, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed, although there was a deep frown on her face. She knew you well enough to know that something was up, “you’re alright?”

“I’m alright,” it wasn’t an outright lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either, “promise, kiddo.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

By the time Joel and Ellie came home, not too much later, you were already in bed. You weren't sleeping, but pretended to be when Joel came into the bedroom. 

"Sweetheart?" His voice was soft, a tone that he only adopted for you or Ellie, as he came into the room and took in your bundled form, "you awake?"

You thought about rolling over and saying something but didn't find it within yourself to do so. You felt bad; he hadn't done anything wrong but you were.. having a moment. 

Instead you remained silent while you listened to him undress and get into pajamas before sliding into bed with you. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling into his chest. You felt him relax as he pressed a few kisses to your shoulder; this man really was a sucker for you.

You had to stop yourself from audibly sighing at the way it felt to be in his arms. It might just have been your favorite place in the world. 

Now you just had to fight off the odd feeling that was settling into your chest.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

 Joel had noticed that something was off right away. He was good at reading you, which was both a blessing and a curse. After that night, you went on a downward spiral of coming to the conclusion that you weren’t enough for Joel. Not good enough, not anything enough.

You slowly began to pull away from Joel - and Ellie - bit by bit. At first he chalked up to you not feeling well, or just having a moment, but the longer it became and the further you pushed him away, the more concerned he became. He knew that something was wrong, he just needed to find out what. He wanted, desperately, to make it better but you wouldn’t even talk to him enough so he could begin to figure it out. 

But that was the thing about Joel - he was stubborn and persistent. He didn’t give up on the things he loved. 

He’d never give up on you. He’d wait until the end of time if you needed him too. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"I think we should break up," you looked at him with a serious expression but that didn't stop him from almost laughing. You glowered at him and his expression dropped when he realized that you hadn't been joking. You were being…serious.

"Wait, what?" he looked at you dumbfoundedly, like he expected you to start laughing or something, "honey."

"I'm sorry," you shifted your gaze to the floor and focused it on your feet, "but I think this is best for everyone."

"You want to break up?" He repeated, trying to put a finger under your chin in order to get you to look at him. You recoiled from his touch and that was enough to break his heart, "what do you mean? Why are you doing this?"

"Joel," your voice cracked on his name and you tried to look away. At the very least, you didn't want him to see you cry, "I can't…this is just best for everyone."

"No," he shook his head, "I don't think you believe that for a moment. And you're wrong, I know you know that."

"I don't want to be you," you lied, the sound of your harsh words making your own heart break a little. The look on his face did little to help, "I don't want you."

He remained for a few long, tense moments before he crossed his arms over his chest and nodded, "okay."

"Joel…"

"Listen, I love you and if not being together is what you want, I'll respect that," your heart dropped into your stomach; you hadn't really expected him to let you go that easily. You'd hoped for more of a fight…maybe you really were making the right decision after all, "whatever you need to do is fine."

"O-okay," you nodded in agreement, "I'll just get my stuff and go. I-I'm gonna stay with Tommy and Maria for a bit."

"Sure," alright, it was almost infuriating to have him so relaxed, "do you need a hand packing?"

Bastard.

"No," you shook your head, "its alright."

"I guess I'll see you around," you didn't even bother to say anything as you ran up the stairs to pack your little bit of stuff. Joel remained still as he watched you go, shaking his head to himself.

"You're really just going to let her go?" Ellie slicked into the room with a worried expression on her face. Joel scoffed and shook his head, "oh. Do you have a plan?"

"Of course I do," he playfully tapped the side of her cheek, "the women in my life will be the death of me. I'm the one that suggested to Maria to ask her to stay if she said anything about leaving."

"She's been acting off," Ellie frowned as she looked towards the stairs, "ever since that night at the bar."

"I know," he sighed softly, "I have a feeling I know what it is, but I want her to come to her own conclusion."

"Do you think she will?" 

"I think so," he nodded, "and if not, I'll just have to give her a little hand."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You'd been out of the home you'd once shared with Joel and Ellie for about two weeks now. The worst two weeks ever. You missed the two of them like crazy and it seemed like they popped up anywhere you were. Whether it was on purpose or coincidence, it made your heart earn and ache for them.

But you had made your decision and maybe one day you'd move on. You hoped that Joel would find somehow that was actually worthy of him. Even if it killed you inside. 

Joel had hoped that you would have come around by now, but he was keeping an eye on things and maybe planning a little something to speed things up. 

Before he could act on any of his whims and fancies, fate seemed to step in. 

It was movie night within Jackson and you went to offer your mind some distraction. You were hanging with Maria and, despite your best efforts, you found your eye wandering around to look for Ellie or Joel. Old habits die hard.

You found Ellie with a couple of her friends, including the girl she'd confessed was her current crush, and that brought a smile to your face. When you spied Joel, however, your mood soured. 

He was surrounded by a group of women and they were all clearly fawning over him. Gross. You were half invested in your conversation with Maria and a friend of hers but found your eye wandering over to him repeatedly. He became increasingly uncomfortable looking with each passing moment, but when one of the women started putting her hands on him, you couldn't take it anymore. 

You turned around and stomped away from Maria and over to Joel. He wasn't aware of the fact that you were coming over until you were right in front of him and smiling at him sweetly. The women around him parted like the sea as they flared daggers at you. 

"Honey," you leaned up and pressed a big kiss to his cheek. He looked shocked for just a moment before sliding into his role so effortlessly, "its getting late, are you almost ready to go?"

"Y-yeah - yes," he nodded before wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into him, "I'm ready when you are, darlin'."

"Y'all don't mind if I steal him, right?" You offered up the sweetest, most syrupy smile you could as you glanced around the flock of women that had been surrounding him. They made small sounds but none of them argued with you. They knew better than to cross you.

And it felt so natural to take his hand and lace your fingers through his. Joel naturally took charge as he started to lead you out of the packed building and into the cool autumn air. You walked down in the street in a tense silence before he came to a stop and cleared his throat. 

You stopped too and turned around to face him, wishing you didn't have to have the conversation you knew was coming up.

"So," he said slowly as you exhaled, "that happened. Why?"

"There's nothing much to it," you tried to wave him off but you knew he knew you were lying, "they were surrounding you like a pack of hyenas and you looked uncomfortable. I know that look on your face, Joel. I just…figured I'd spare you."

"Thank you," he whispered softly, "that was it, huh."

"What else do you want me to say?" You threw your hands up in defeat, ready to turn around and run home, "you would have done the same for me."

"Without hesitation," he agreed, "but you…I know better than you think. Tell me that's all and I'll walk away and leave you alone."

But…you couldn't bring yourself to deny him. Opening and closing your mouth a few times, you found it almost impossible to find the right words, "I dunno, Joel. What do you want me to say?"

"The truth," he whispered softly, "I'd like at least that much."

"I was jealous!" You almost shouted at him as you threw up your hands, "I was jealous of those women practically eating you alive with how desperate they were for you!"

"Okay," was all he said but there was a beaming grin growing across his face.

"I hate that they think they can have you," yup. Everything was suddenly bubbling up at once and you didn't care enough to stop it anymore, "you were mine! They don't deserve you, you can do so much better. I-I don't deserve you either. I fucked it all up. And I'm sorry for what I did and said to you but I'm not sorry for what I did back there."

"Sweetheart-"

"I'm sorry for hurting you," big, fat tears had rolled down your cheeks, "but I did what I thought was right. I don't deserve…I'm just me."

"Oh sweet girl," he reached for both of your hands and pulled you closer into his warm frame, "that's what had been about, huh? Silly girl."

"Joel-"

"How could you not think you deserve me?" He asked and you shrugged, sniffling slightly as he wiped away your tears, "you're the only one that will ever get me. If anything, I don't deserve you. Baby, you're it for me. You always have been and always will be."

"Why?" You had a pretty pout on your lips that he was tempted to kiss away, "why me? I'm so plain compared to those women that always throw themselves at you. They're so pretty and I'm not. I can't cook, I'm not handy, and I feel like a liability more than anything! I thought I was doing you a favor."

"Well," he shook his head fondly, "you're wrong on every account. You are the most beautiful, wonderful, and amazing women I have ever met. I don't need anything but you. I love you and only you. And it will always be you."

"Joel," his name sounded like a prayer of relief falling from your lips, "I…are you sure?"

"I've always been sure," he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your forehead, "and I still am. I know what I want you - you to come back home and to have you back in our bed every night, to have our family whole again. But it is up to you."

"Are you really sure? It's not just the moment?"

"Baby-"

"Because what if you-"

And then he took your face in his hands and gently cradled it as he held your gaze. A few moments passed before he pressed his lips to yours in a sweet, gentle kiss. It was soft and barely there but it felt so utterly perfect. When he pulled back, you looked up at him with big, wide eyes. 

“Oh,” you managed to choke out as you look at him, “you’re serious then.”

“Of course,” he said in a no duh voice as he chuckled fondly, “but like I said - whatever you want to do is up to you.”

“I want to come home,” there was no hesitation to your answer and that made his heart constrict with happiness, “and be with you and have our family back together.”

“Yeah?” he brushed your hair out of your face before kissing your forehead. 

 “Yes,” this time you took his face in your hands and kissed him slowly, “I want you. Only and always you.”

Before either of you could say anything else you heard a cheer from down the street - Ellie. She waved at the two of you, a big grin on her face, “about time! Welcome home!”

“What the kid said,” the two of you shared a small laugh, “welcome home, sweetheart.”

[argreion]

Who knew your next-door neighbor was your panty thief?

Warnings: Panty sniffing, of course. Masturbation. Scent kink (?) Voyeurism from BOTH? Creepy Leon is kinda hehe, y'know? We love a little twisted fantasy.

We be burned at the stake for being horny. ✨ Stupid horny thoughts into one! Also kill me for the ending I had one in mind so... Erm... Shitty ending🤗(I forgot I lost motivation :'D)

Cough, cough, so, you decided to move into an apartment! Good for you! It's affordable, got a great view, and the landlord isn't an ass! Life feels good, but you know it's short-lived. Especially when you start noticing your panties being stolen constantly. Next day, appearing with crust, and the faint smell of cum? It sends shivers down your spine...

Having to rely on your older neighbor, Leon, to save the day. He's charming and strong, and he knows how to sneak around. (We don't talk about how he punched the vending machine to get you what you wanted.) Besides, he's got a super cool job! There's nothing wrong with him, totally! Unless...

Your hope to catch this panty thief crumbled, watching Leon stroke himself. You just got home, you were tired, stressed... Yet your favorite pair of panties in his hand, crusted and unwashed. Disgusting. Fuckin' vile old man he was. Couldn't help but watch as his hand moved up and down. The way he looked so pathetic honestly turned you on. You shouldn't even be looking, but you did.

Leon's hips bucked into his hand, soft shlicks coming from it. His eyes shut as he stroked himself off. Oblivious to the fact, that you were just watching. Heat creeping into your core as you watch the older male get off. Hearing his voice murmur sweet, perverted words,

“Smells so good... Must've been from yesterday.”

Why did he say yesterday? Only God above knows you did 'self-loving'. Did he use this opportunity to plant cameras? Wait, does that mean you should start looking around for them? Actually, would you be able to find them? The only thing you recall Leon saying about his job is that he does physical work for the government. Followed with a smile, and a charming wink. Making you not want to pry anymore, remembering the way you giggled at his mannerisms.

This mannerism, though? You can't even giggle. Watching a middle-aged pervert get off to you was... Still so disgusting, but you liked it? Liked the way he'd sniff your panties, the way his hips bucked as he took a quick whiff, and how'd he fall back onto your bed. Drawing you in closer, peeking through the door.

Now wrapping your panties around his cock, pre-cum staining the fabric. So, that's also what he does? That's why they got crusty... And also smelled a little weird at points. Was it bad to say you were getting aroused? Free little porn show to watch and with a hot neighbor? God damn, sign you up!

If Leon had to be honest, he's only keeping this act up because you were watching. Getting off on the fact you were watching him defile your underwear, not even trying to stop him. The thought that entered his head sent him over the edge.

Fucking himself into your cunt, watching as you sing praises and his name. Man didn't believe in God anymore but for a supposed angel like you? Maybe he'd change his faith, all just for you. The groan that came from his lips said it all.

Motherfucker was in too deep.

You jumped as his hips bucked up into the air, followed by a stream of cloudy release. Saturating the fabric with his 'love'. What'd he even love about you? The fact that you're innocent compared to him? Sure, he'd dream about the day he'd be able to ruin your life. Wrapping his hand around your throat and plow into you. Might even force you to stay with him. But for now, that could wait.

The post-nut clarity hit him, his eyes widening. Staring at your panties in his hand, now icky with globs of his cum. Ugh, why'd he do this? Having to awkwardly sit there, talking to the voice in his mind.

Did I really just jerk off with a girl's panties?

Even if he was mentally scolding himself, you weren't. Enjoying every second, the stroking, the release, and watching his thumb rub over the wet patch he created. Should've made Mr. Kennedy rub his thumb over your wet patch. Manicured fingers playing with your needy clit, flicking it. Riding his face, feeling the burn from his stubble.

Oh my God, shut up! You shouldn't be thinking this!

You were raised with morals (hopefully), and this isn't exactly a virtue you were raised with. You could hear your parents screaming at you in the back of your mind.

The adrenaline rushed through your body as he finally finished putting everything away. Forcing you to retreat back into another room, covering your mouth as you heard your bedroom door open. Followed by light footsteps trailing down the hallway. At least you didn't have to hold your breath as you heard the front door click shut.

Good, he's gone. Letting you slip back into your room, rummaging through your dresser. C'mon, you can find it, you have to wash it! It's disgusting, why the fuck would he throw your dirty underwear with clean underwear? Couldn't help but say you were peeved.

Though your friend down below would say otherwise. That flame inside of you started alight as you stared at the underwear. Letting yourself be dragged to your bed and fingers moving on their own. Laying back in those very sheets that pervert just masturbated on. Fingers already rubbing yourself off.

Those cameras he placed around also liked you rubbing yourself off. Already retreating back to his 'humble' abode, bare and full of whiskey bottles. Already watching the free show you oh so graciously brought him. His reward for keeping you 'safe'. Safe from this thief, the pervert, himself. Leaning back in that worn-down couch he needed to replace a year or two ago. Fishing himself out like he didn't just cum on his neighbor's panties. Eyes squinting down at his phone as he began to stroke himself again.

Play with yourself more, baby. He's gotta ruin that pair next, and then the cycle will start over and over again. Don't worry, he has all the time in the world to watch you...

[holly-opal]

Hello...I wanted to make a request that I don't know if it's something personal and I understand that you don't want to do it...but you could do a mr puzzle x helping a reader who suffers from hypersexuality... I will understand that if it may seem uncomfortable to you I won't force you to do it, I just want to feel comfortable with my favorite character

Of course, I am sorry if I do this wrong. I have never written hypersexuality before, so forgive me if I do this wrong.

Tw: Mildly sexual content. Implied SA.

You were walking to your dressing room when Mr. Puzzles went up to you, he put a hand on your shoulder and gave you a warm smile, he asked if you could see him in his office later today, he wanted to talk about something. You blushed and nodded, you have always liked Mr. Puzzles, you found him charming and quite the lovely person to be around, and he was very attractive for a man with a TV for a head, then your mind began to wander and you thought about the two of you together, in your bed hugging and kissing each other, and you two taking your clothes off.... You were doing that again. Thinking sexually about someone or wanting to do sexual things with someone. You felt disgusted with yourself, and thought that Mr. Puzzles wouldn't like that either. He'd probably tell you to piss off, like everyone else you had sexual encounters with. You followed him into his office and sat down in front of him, he offered you a cigarette, you declined. You were never one for smoking, your ex did though, and he was the one who hurt you. Made you do awful things with him. Harmed you in bed. You felt so gross for doing, and even more disgusted with yourself when you actually sorta liked it. He shrugged and blew some smoke, he seemed tense. "I'm going to get real with you, Y/N. I am not very happy with ratings. I am working so hard and yet I'm not getting good results. And production is going up in flames. Ugh..." Mr. Puzzles smoked some more, he was stressed, you had an idea on how to release it though. You got up from your chair and sat on his lap, he started blush and stare at you in surprise, you began to praise him for his good work and rubbed your hands on his chest.

Mr. Puzzles was touched by this, his face was beet red and he was starting to like it. But he see that you weren't doing this out of your own volition, he could tell that you weren't happy about this. He grabbed your wrists and put them away, you were afraid now, you didn't know what came over you, you expected him to get mad at you or throw you off of him or hit you. He didn't though, he picked up you and set you down on your feet. He sighed and kneeled down to your level, you began to tear up and look away from his gaze. He had seen this kind of behavior before, in television and in his actors. He gave you a very big hug, you started to cry and hugged him back. Those thoughts in your head were killing you. 'Your disgusting', 'nobody will love you if you keep doing that', 'your just like your ex, only worse'. You've heard these words before, but still, it kept repeating in your head multiple times. You were sobbing into Puzzle's shoulder, leaving a wet spot of where your tears went. Mr. Puzzles pulled away from the hug, ye was smiling at you, and he was patting you in the back.

"Mi amor, I know that you are hurting, but this isn't the right way to go. You don't have to give yourself to me so that I could feel better. I am not mad, but we need to work on your issues." You nodded, wiping away some tears with your sleeves. Mr. Puzzles grabbed a box of tissues and handed some to you, you blew your nose and threw it away. He stood up and held out his hand. "How about this? We'll both talk about safe outlets for your behavior, that way you won't get hurt by anyone. And then afterwards, we can go to dinner. How does that sound?" Mr. Puzzles asked. You smiled and nodded, you clearly needed to work through your issues, a nice talk and maybe even a therapist will help. You took his hand and you both walked out of his office, you felt relieved in a way. He did not judge you, and he even offered to help you, many would've just left you immediately. Your love for him deepened, and his love for you has not changed, you were still his little star.

(Again, I am sorry if I did this wrong. I hope this brings comfort to you, my friend.)

[shdo-xplosion]

spaghetti straps - r. shidou ࿐

warnings: 2.4k; fem-bodied reader, coercion, reader wants to fuck more than she’d like to admit, shidou is a little annoying, shidou can lift and hold you (he stronk athlete), dirty talk, semi-public sex, a little plot, p in v, creampie

note: hi! (✿◠‿◠) my first shidou fic (finally) and my contribution to @saintshiba’s sundress szn collab! truly hope everybody enjoys my take on him cause i am so obsessed with him. banner manga cap colored by moi! plspls let me know what you think of my writing! feedback means a lot (≧◡≦)

You aren’t used to wearing things other than your typical track shorts and t-shirts, never one for fashion or dressing up, though you admire anyone who enjoys that kind of stuff.

But it’s summer, and it’s hot, and you’re at a beach house with some friends. Pulling a cotton shirt and shorts on and off over a wet bathing suit is simply not it, so for this weekend you’ve decided to pack sundresses instead of your usual attire.

It’s been 2 days and all the stares you’ve been getting from the guys are still weird, most of confusion and/or surprise, but there are a couple friends, specifically one infuriating, blond-haired insect of a man, who is very obvious in the way he looks at you, magenta eyes half-lidded, salacious smirk stretching across his lips. It’s maddening, made even worse by the fact that he already knows what you’re hiding under your little sundress.

“The yellow suits you,” Shidou purrs in your ear in the kitchen, and you feel one of his fingers wiggle underneath the thin shoulder strap of your bikini top. “Goes nice with the purple suit.”

“Too bad none of it’s for you,” you grumble, trying not to pay him much attention.

He isn’t so much your ex-boyfriend as much as your ex-mistake, a fuck buddy you had the misfortune of catching feelings for only for him to let you down gently. Or, as gently as someone like Shidou could manage.

I still wanna fuck you, though, he had told you thoughtlessly. It’s better than nothing for you, right?

You had immediately cut things off, both hurt and offended that he just assumed his dick would be enough to keep you around. That you were so desperate for him that you would just take what you could get.

No, you hadn’t quite reached that level of infatuation.

You’re still a little bitter about it, a little embarrassed, but you’re also irritated, especially since he insists on coming onto you even now.

“Who’s it for then, hm?” he asks, bending down enough for his breath to hit your neck. It gives you goosebumps. It also makes you squirm away from him.

“For me. ‘Cause it’s easy and breezy.”

“And beautiful… cover girl,” he quotes. You fight not to laugh. “But really, the dresses look good on you. You should let me take some pictures…” he wiggles his eyebrows. “More for my private collection.”

You make a face of disgust. “Ugh, you haven’t deleted those yet?” The thought of him having all kinds of lewd photos of you both disturbs and excites you. Does that mean he still uses them?

“Why would I delete such quality content?”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you threaten, “if you post those anywhere, I’ll kill you.”

Shidou grins crookedly. “Kinky.”

With an exasperated huff, you walk away.

~*~

Even with crazy, windblown hair and covered in sweat, you can still sense Shidou watching you. It makes your already heated skin burn even hotter.

Currently you’re situated under an umbrella, just scrolling on your phone while all the guys play a game of beach volleyball. If it can even be called that. They should definitely stick to soccer.

You aren’t surprised when Shidou plops down next to you, dusting up some sand so that it powders your bare thighs.

“White today,” he comments, picking at the hem of your short dress.

All you offer is a noncommittal, “mm,” gritting your teeth at the feeling of his fingertips grazing your skin.

“Makes you look innocent,” he continues. “Which we both know is a lie.”

“Shidou, please drop it. Admire from afar if you have to, but—”

“Miss when you used to call me Ryu.” He nuzzles into your shoulder, inhaling deeply, and when you try to shrug him off, you feel his teeth against your skin. He doesn’t bite hard, but it’s enough to anchor him to you.

“Ryu!” you squeal, shoving his face away.

“Just like that,” he grins before mimicking you ‘Ryu’. “Used to scream my name like that when I’d fuck you real good.”

“God, you are insufferable!”

He’s also turning you on, much to your disappointment. Hand slowly slipping under your dress, a small nibble to your earlobe.

“I know all your spots, baby. Just give in. You know you want to.” He’s using that seductive voice that always makes your breath quicken and your eyes dilate. Everything is brighter even with your sunglasses.

“See, you’re already spreading your legs for me.”

He’s right. Your knees aren’t pressed together anymore, leaving a gap between your thighs.

“There are people around, Ryuusei,” you tell him sternly, a last ditch effort to spur his advances.

You aren’t the least bit surprised when his only counter is a petulant, “so?”

His hand slides up further until his fingers brush against your covered pussy, and you bite your lip, ashamed that you’ve let him get to you like this.

“Sand,” you whine. “Don’t want…”

He hums in consideration then turns onto his back, rolling and propelling himself straight to his feet in one fluid motion. Annoying.

“To the showers, then,” he says, pulling you up.

He ignores your mumbling as he leads you to the little shower, on the beach for the purpose of rinsing sand off of sticky bodies. A little blue curtain is all that will block you from view. You’re supposed to keep your bathing suits on after all.

The water pressure isn’t strong, but it is enough to get the sand off both of you. You swear out loud as you pull your bottoms off. The dress is staying on; there’s no way you’re getting entirely naked. Shidou, on the other hand, shamelessly pushes his trunks all the way off, letting them pool on the wooden plans right next to yours.

You gasp when he suddenly spins you around, finding the strings of your top and tugging them loose.

“Get this shit off.”

He yanks the material over your head, turning you to face him again, and groans when he looks down at your chest. With your white dress entirely soaked, your hard nipples show through the sheerness. Shidou immediately starts groping you, his head falling back like he’s already on the verge of cumming just from playing with your tits.

It feels good, his palms rubbing over your sensitive buds before he pinches each one. You’d rather skip the foreplay, though, eager to have something inside you while also nervous about being caught.

To move things along you reach between your legs, running your middle finger between your folds and hating yourself for how wet you are. Like you’d said the other day, water makes a terrible lube, but if you’re already ridiculously slick, it doesn’t really matter.

You slip two fingers into your hole and scissor them apart, well aware that it’d be unwise to take Shidou without any prep. His cock is too pretty, something to be proud of, and he is. It’s thick and long, fat mushroom shaped head perfect for dragging against your walls.

“Yeah, you want it now, don’t ya?” he teases.

“Don’t push your luck.” It’s meant to be a warning, but you’re too breathless for it to have any weight.

Shidou abandons your chest in order to guide your hand away from yourself, replacing it with his own and fucking you with his longer fingers. He hikes one of your legs up, holding it to his hip, and as he stretches you out, he ruts his pelvis forward.

“Okay, I’m good,” you tell him. “I’m good, I’m ready.”

“Oh? Baby girl all cock hungry now?”

“Ryuuu,” you whine, grinding down on his hand.

“Only ‘cause you’re making such pretty sounds for me.”

He grabs your other leg, hoisting you up with the strength gained from years of dedicated workouts. You shift in his grasp until you feel the tip of his cock rub against your cunt. The amount of times the two of you have fucked, you know each others bodies well, and it’s almost second nature for you to guide him into your hole without the use of your hands.

Your mouth hangs open as he slides inside, the muscles in Shidou’s arms straining as he lowers you on his cock. You’re relying on him entirely. He’ll be in control as he supports you, and you’ll be completely helpless.

He doesn’t ask if you’re ready, if you’ve braced yourself, just starts bouncing you up and down. His fingers dig into the fat of your thighs, definitely creating bruises, and you steady yourself by tangling fingers in his hair. He’s so fucking hot like this, water running down his toned frame, blonde strands plastered to his face.

The way that you’re gripping his hair pushes his face into your tits, and Shidou groans like a porn star, lapping up the droplets that cover your chest.

Short moans are forced out if you with every bounce. Hn, hn, hn until Shidou starts moving you more aggressively and your jaw drops. Ah, ah, ah.

“Missed this sweet pussy,” Shidou pants. “Take my dick so good. Think she missed me too.”

You’re not a huge fan of him personifying your literal vagina, but you’re too far gone to chastise him for it. In fact, you agree, nodding and huffing, “I do, I do…”

His thrusts are shallow because of the position, but he still feels so good as he bullies your soft, gummy walls. The way you’re wrapped around him has your hard clit rubbing against his pelvis, the coarse hairs at the base of his cock beginning to rub you raw in a delicious way. You always did like a little pain with your pleasure, and Shidou is amazing at delivering just that.

“Really should open this curtain. Let everyone see how gorgeous you look getting fucked like this.”

“Don’t you dare,” you gasp.

“You sure? You don’t wanna put on a show for the guys? I bet they’d all get jealous.”

“Ryu, please!”

He bites the top of one of your tits then relents, rolling his striking eyes. “Fine.” His thick eyelashes are dripping with water, so pretty. “But only if you cum for me.”

You wouldn’t be able to if he hadn’t been fucking you so perfectly, cockhead massaging your g-spot, clit now overstimulated.

“Think you can do that for me, sweetness?”

You nod. “Are… are you close too?”

“‘’m always close when I’m fucking you,” he tells you. “Just looking at you gets me hard.”

Vulgar but flattering.

“You want me inside? Stuff this pussy full of cum?”

“Nnng, pleeease.”

You shouldn’t let him, shouldn’t reward him after how much he’s annoyed you on this vacation. But you love the feeling of him dripping out of you, thick and warm, enough to spill down your thighs. If you weren’t on birth control, you would never. As it is…

“Alright, cum for me then,” he commands. “Wanna feel your cunt milk me.”

Heat spreads from your pussy to the place between your hips, pooling into your tummy and traveling to your toes.

“Oh god, Ryu,” you sob, “I’m… don’t stop…”

He spreads his legs, squatting slightly so that his thighs can support some of your weight as he quickly rocks back and forth, his fat cock pistoning in and out of your spasming hole.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“m’gonna blow,” Shidou huffs. “Gonna fill you up… take my cum, baby, take all of it.”

It’s a subtle sensation, him spilling inside of you. You can’t feel every individual rope of cum, but you can feel your pussy getting fuller and fuller, stretching you even further. And then, you can feel it begin to leak out of you, coating Shidou’s cock as he pulls out until only his tip remains inside of you.

“Still as good as I remember,” he remarks, lifting you until he slips out of you before setting you back on wobbly legs.

He’s right, unfortunately. The best lay you’ve ever had.

“It was… nice,” you mumble regretfully. “Glad we’re already in a shower.”

“Convenient. Since you always get so messy,” he smirks.

“Because you make me messy.”

“I take that as a compliment.”

You rinse off the slimy fluid dripping down the insides of your legs, retrieve your bathing suit from the ground. The bottoms are easy enough to wiggle back into, but you have to ask Shidou for help with your top.

“You look so good without it, though, he says, but when you cast him a glare, he concedes. “Fine.”

As he ties it back around you, you can’t help but ask, “is it just the sundresses that did it for you? You like them that much?”

“I mean, I do like little dresses like this,” he confirms, trailing his hands down your ribs and pulling you back into him. “But anything you wear gets my dick hard. My jerseys, pajamas, your boring t-shirts n’ shit.”

“Boring but comfy.”

“And still sexy cause you’re the one wearing ‘em.”

Your stomach flutters in a familiar way, butterflies accompanied by dread. “Careful. You’re starting to sound awfully sweet, Ryu.”

You feel him shrug, his arms locked around you and his lips pressed to the skin behind your ear.

“What can I say? I missed you.”

You can’t even formulate a response to that, refusing to get your hopes up. The vacation will be over soon, and Shidou will go back to being a fuckboy. You’re not about to let him hurt you again.

So you shake your head and step out of his arms then bend down to grab his swim trunks off the ground.

“Put your pants back on,” you sigh, and, taking a page out of his book, you leave him with a casualness that you hope will mess with his head in the coming days. Just like this whole encounter is sure to mess with yours.

2023©️shidou-x. please do not plagiarize, edit, or share my work to any other platforms.

[thepersonnamedsam]

down under - dr3

pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem!reader

summary: daniel shows you the real down under in australia

word count: 1.6k

warnings: smut, basically porn with a little plot, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, mentions of a possible daddy kink, maybe kind of public sex idk, just danny devouring the female body

note: please be disgusted with me

masterlist / taglist

Your relationship with Danny was easy to describe; it was just like two horny teens who haven’t seen each other for a weak. Not that you just fucked, no love was always involved. Especially the times you fucked. You could have the filthiest sex in history and the next day it was just giggles and cuddles during your sex times.

Danny always tried to make you comfortable. You didn’t like the position; change. Leg cramp? He was massaging it. He did everything for you, that man devoured you.

He showed you pleasure on a different level. Like the time he ate you out in his childhood bedroom.

You were visiting Australia for the first time, you and Danny had been dating for about 6 months before you finally met his family. Perth was beautiful, but so was Australian Danny. He was glowing and so happy and smiley. You’ve never seen him this way and it made you extra horny. Like, you were constantly thinking about him in ways you shouldn’t in front of his family.

He could sense your mood and you definitely had an advantage; hiding his hard on was much harder than hiding your wetness.

His father was doing a bbq in the backyard. His sister Michelle and his mother Grace sitting outside on the patio with Daniel and you. You sitting between his legs, back leaning against his chest. Your hands playing with his ring. The only thing you could think of was his finger inside of you. The thought already clouding your brain and wetness spreading between your thighs. Daniel noticed you shifting.

Crossing your legs so you could have at least some friction and not seem like a sex-drunk slut in front of his family. Danny being Danny let his fingers dance over your naked skin. Reading you and knowing exactly what he was doing to you. You were biting your lip, trying to suppress a moan leaving your mouth. Danny wasn’t innocent, no not in the slightest. He was the one bringing fire into the bedroom. But him teasing you in front of his mother and sister, that was new, even for him.

You felt him growing underneath you, his shorts growing tighter by the second. He cleared his throat. All eyes on you two now. „I want to show y/n something before dad‘s finished with the barbie“, his voice thick and filled with lust, only noticeable by you, at least you hoped so. „Are you going to show her the secret spot behind the ranch?“, his sister asked. „That‘s the one!“, he told her. „Just be back in time for dinner, I don’t want to get you two from behind the ranch, and be careful, will you?“ His mothers voice not showing any interest in what you were actually doing.

He was leading you to his bedroom where he spent his whole childhood years in. The walls plastered with esther Senna or Schumacher posters. But you couldn’t really tell, because as soon as the door closed he was on you like a hungry lion. Kissing your lips with a hunger that could not yet be satisfied. Hands roaming your body, taking off your singlet. You were not wearing a bra underneath it, the weather too hot.

„Ugh, you’re going to kill me one day“, his words blocked out by your nipple in his mouth. Teeth only ever just gracing your nipples, sucking and licking. The other breast received the same attention as the other; his hand was playing, grabbing and pinching it. You were already a moaning mess just from him sucking and fondling with your breasts. If it went on like this, you would be screaming down the whole house by the end of the night.

His clothes still on, you reached your hands to tug on his shirt. Understanding the thing you wanted, he shrugged it off and you had the best view of his torso. You could come off by just looking at him. He was a god sent creature. „Now now, missy, we use our words. I let that one slide because it did seem a bit unfaire with you half naked and me fully clothed. But next time; use your words.“ His words leaving his mouth but only half reaching your ears, your mind already somewhere else. Hearts racing and bodies sweating. Rubbing against each other, not knowing which body fluid belonged to whom.

His tongue leaving trails on your upper body, not knowing where his trail was going exactly, just feeling his wetness on your skin. Sighing you reached for his hair, tugging at it and signalling him to do more. „Words“, was his only response. It was hard for you to get out a sentence that made sense.

„Danny, I-, I need more“, stuttering from pleasure. You were watching him closely as he smirked. „Your wish is my command.“

Hands fumbling with the button of your hotpants. Finally the zipper was opened and the shorts slid down your legs. Stepping out of them, Danny already smelled your wetness. Groaning and feeling how his dick got harder, again. He just couldn’t wait to eat you out. „So wet and just for me.“

You sat down on his bed and slid to the end of it, back now leaning against the headboard. Danny looked at you with this hungry eyes and you knew, shit was about to go down.

He was crawling to you. Fingers already hooked on the waistbands of your panties.

„Can I?“, ever so gently he asked you. You nodded. „Words. This is the last time I‘m telling you“, there he was again. „Yes, please take them off“, you begged. „Good girl.“

Panties landing on the floor, he was looking at all your glory. He took a deep breath in and looked you in the eyes. „I love you“, that was the only thing he said before he dug in.

Tongue leaping between your folds. Tasting your sweetness and pleasuring him at the same time; Danny was dry humping the mattress to release some kind of tension. His dick as hard as a rock and not finding enough to bring him to the edge. It was not the same feeling as being buried deep into you, but it gave him something. His whole body moving rhythmically. His cock pressed deep down into the bed, the sheets already stained with his pre-cum. It’s leaking like crazy, just because of the sight in front of him. The wet patch growing bigger and bigger.

His nose ever so gracing your clit; it sent you to heaven. You riding his nose; ugh, it felt amazing. You couldn’t even think about the fact that his parents and sister were right outside, you just had this amazing feeling on your mind. The thrill of being caught had you experiencing the pleasure more intensely. Moaning and heavy breathing filled the bedroom. It smelled like sex, the tension so thick you could’ve cut it with a knife. His tongue already feeling like a knife against your pussy, sharp and bringing you to the edge. The feeling so blissful, you never wanted to let it go.

His tongue now in your hole, sending you into a blissful state. Feeling it inside your walls, hitting that special spot that only his tongue could hit. His nose still pleasuring your clitoris, rubbing up and down with every move; in and out. His big nose, the thought had you moaning even more. His mouth sending you to heaven. You had to grab something, his hair, the bedsheets, the headboard, you didn’t know and you didn’t care. It just had to be something. The pleasure not bearable. He was sending you into the orbit of pleasure.

Tongue now flat against your pussy, licking and slurping away. You felt his every taste bud, or at least you thought so. It bringing you more to the edge. You were moaning like there was no tomorrow.

„I want to hear you scream, scream my name, little one.“

So you gave it your all, screaming his name. Feeling the familiar knot in your stomach you screamed harder and louder, not caring about anyone hearing you. He was loving it, taking it all in and feeling all the glory you you gave him.

„I think-, I think I‘m near, please, Danny please!“

His cock not finding any relieve in the mattress anymore, he stopped pressing his dick against it. Your orgasm hit you hard, harder than ever before, the fact that his family could‘ve heard you added to the thrill and to the experiencing high. Helping you ride out your orgasm, Danny stuck two fingers into your pussy, slowly pulling them out and pushing them in again. Your hips bucked into his hands, the hand he was not using holding them down. He was sending you into an overload. Your second orgasm already reaching you and your body. It hit you second time, this time more extrem and definitely blissfully beautiful.

Hearing you cum two times and moan his name gave him the rest. His semen squirting into his underpants and wetting them even more. You were breathing heavy and looking at him, lust still prominent in your eyes. You definitely could‘ve gone for a third round.

„Did you cum?“, your question was justified as he has not received anything from you to make him cum. He nodded: „Your pleasure brings me the greatest pleasure.“ You were in awe, the man before you, so determined to make you cum that he cum‘s with it.

[onbearfeet]

Kat watches Moon Knight

Okay, so with the encouragement of several people on here and the emotional support of my roommate, I have finally (in February 2024) started watching Moon Knight, a show whose basic concept scares the shit out of me.

Context: I had an adopted older brother with DID. Note that I said "had". That's past tense because life treated him so appallingly poorly that he died (horribly, in prison) when I was 19. Part of that abuse was enabled by pop-culture depictions of DID in the 1980s and 90s that convinced everyone who knew about his condition (including the court system) that he was a walking time bomb.

One of my earliest memories is of my brother as a young adult, playing Super Mario Bros with my toddler self. Another is of him patiently teaching me how to make friends with a large dog. I never met any of his alters, afaik; I was small and cute and safe for him to be himself with, so he probably didn't need them around me. He was a profoundly gentle man when he was allowed, and it hurt like hell to see him turned into a monster in movies and on TV. I've turned off a lot of "psychological thrillers" in sorrow and disgust.

Ironically, I loved Moon Knight comics as a kid in the 90s, BEFORE he was retconned to have DID circa the mid-2000s. Because those comics came out right after my brother died in 2002 and leaned HARD into making people with DID seem like violently unstable monsters (for reference, see the cover of Moon Knight: God and Country), I stopped reading them around 2008, when I couldn't take being poked in the trauma by a comfort character anymore.

But I do love Werewolf By Night, and there's been a lot of good fic mashing Jack up with Moon Knight without dehumanizing anyone, and several people have encouraged me to try the show. So this post will be a place for my thoughts as I try to work my way through with my Essential Editions in one hand and my memories of my brother in the other. I'll add to it as I watch.

If this entertains the Moon Knight fandom or provides useful fic reference, so be it. Just don't be jerks on my post.

Also, anyone who chooses to be shitty about my brother will be eaten by bears. I don't make the rules.

Episode 1

Okay, we open with Steven as our POV character, and he's...convinced he's a sleepwalker. All right, not terrible. Steven is now a bumbling nerd, which is probably an improvement; good luck making a billionaire playboy sympathetic in the 2020s. Jake would be the logical everyman POV from the comics, but I understand from fic that he's got a different role now. I'm confused about the accent, but it's only episode 1, and Steven clearly doesn't yet know who Khonshu is, or that Marc exists, so obviously there's a ways to go here. (Is Marc ... undercover inside Steven? Ugh, this is a trope I have seen and do not like.)

Did Marc kill Steven's fish? Did Khonshu kill Steven's fish? I'm baffled by the fish. Which is a nice break from the larger anxiety. I'm gonna try to worry more about the fish.

The bits with Steven losing time and finding himself in odd situations were distressingly close to the old tropes, but both of those happened to my brother, so I'm not going to bitch about them quite yet. I want to be as fair as I can.

Oh, hey, I recognize Harrow from the comics. What up, dude. How's the cult biz treating you?

The end of the episode, with the jackal thing chasing Steven into the bathroom, came RIGHT up to the line for me. I realized that what I was most afraid of was that the story would assign "good" and "bad" labels to the alters--make Steven the sweet, innocent one and Marc (or maybe Jake, I guess) the monstrous killer. The early flashes of Steven covered in blood didn't really help allay that anxiety. And now Marc is demanding that Steven let him have control in a pretty threatening manner. But so far, it seems like the contrast between Marc and Steven is one of competence--Marc is better at fighting and Steven is better at ... panicking? Unclear. At least Oscar Isaac is playing the protagonist, so his character(s) might remain sympathetic. Nobody has been monsterized quite yet.

I finished the episode with every muscle in my body locked up, waiting for the emotional punch in the face. But I did finish it, and I think I'm gonna try episode two.

[lostonmyroad]

Moments That I Want Tattooed On My Forehead From S-Classes That I Raised Chapters 50-70

As always, BEWARE OF SPOILERS!!! Future chapters may be referenced!!!

The insane amount of lore dropped in these chapters wow

Chapters 50-60

help its genuinely still so funny to see yoojin in the early chapters going: “all i have to do is complete this one (1) task and then i can live like a slacker” before he gives up (cries in cale henituse)

everyone referring to yoojin as “monster daddy” and asking him to raise their children is amazing. no notes 

ARRIVAL OF THE KING SUNG HYUNJAE!!! He's a bastard he's amazing he's always on my mind

"...no matter how amazing Sung Hyunjae might be, he wouldn't be able to notice it easily. He wouldn't press his nose against my body and smell me, like my idiot brother had, would he" um. ok??? yoojin's completely normal though process

sung hyunjae essentially telling yoojin “aren’t you tired of being nice? don’t you want to go apeshit” within 5 minutes of their first real conversation

i forgot shj gives him a pair of earrings!! (and a bone for Peace)

yoojin’s disguise to get to the f rank dungeon being a fucking sun protection hat…it’s giving marvel baseball cap and sunglasses…and he has this because he used to stage one man protests??? sir what were you protesting against

oh that’s right the dungeons will appear at a faster rate because “time was only reversed for yoojin” oops

Chirpie makes its debut!!

yoojin trying to hide where he got chirpie from “i found it in the hallway”. king if yoohyun wasn’t suspicious of you already that would do it

yoohyun yeeting Peace and mama yoojin scolding him

chef myungwoo :))

bleh bug dungeon. i’m with you yoojin that was disgusting

yoojin not wanting to use Last Repayment :((

Riette makes an entrance! do you think riette demonstrated girl power when she abused her brother until he became an s rank

yoojin thinking about how he had raised yoohyun and was so happy about sending him to college…saving money for his tuition…and just losing interest in riette :((

yoojin saves bak hayool!!

this is where we see peak yoojin mafia behavior. unhinged. but justified revenge?? this is why i don’t understand fan interpretations where he’s like a wallflower like this man has murdered multiple people quite violently 

chapter 60 is just so much. like. i cant even describe. yoojin you need so much therapy

the way he sees people’s last memories before they die ugh…

yoojin playing 3D chess while everyone else is playing checkers fr

him calling his friend who doesn’t remember him bc of the regression and telling them to live a happy life always gets me ufffff i wish we got to meet this character

Chapters 60-70

Yoojin and the Awakening center — a tragedy in the making. Pre-regression trauma galore

The Association rears its ugly head!!! Yoojin has an authority figure problem (but it’s completely justified)

love how chill Yoojin is about Chirpie. random F rank monster that’s cute as hell that’s eating Peace's weight in magic stones and was born from an error in the system??? ehh no big deal it’s my pet now and i’ll kill for it

love the absolutely random detail about seok hayan’s pineapple earrings. thank you geunseo you know what the people want

yoojin funding public research!! hero of the people and my heart

yerim refusing to praise yoohyun and myeongwoo to their faces hahahaha. all of them petty as hell

MYUNGWOO GETS HIS SS RANK SKILL BABYYYY

yoojin still trying to protect myungwoo i love them

yoojin: *is keeping secrets from yoohyun and putting himself in danger*

also yoojin: why is yoohyun being cold with me

everyone’s giving yoojin flowers today lmfao

sung hyunjae you’re everything to me. you’re so bizzare. the bouquet??? showing up in a 2-seater car?? bullying seok simyeong??

Shj reminding Yoojin to wear his seatbelt because he's an F rank HDJEKXIDKD

oh yoojin. “who’d want to place themselves through hardships on purpose” like SIR are u that un self aware

yerim listening to this bullshit, eyes falling out of her head: i’m literally going to crazy murder you with yoohyun

the dungeon ppl have the actual worst timing. yoohyun is going to McFreaking lose it

yoojin and yoohyun finally work things out we love to see it :))

chapter 65 starts the explanation of the 50 s ranks requirement!!! water droplet is going through it

so much is just casually dropped in this chapter like. yoohyun is a born s rank! the dungeon ppl are manually inputting things for yoojin! the world might end! anyways!

yoojin having such strong mom energy that the dungeon people forgot he was a dude

one of the moments ever when yoohyun and Peace burn down the dungeon in worry and yoojin’s just there like. ah. shit. my bad i fucked up there a little

grown up Peace my beloved

chapter 67 yoohyun my beloved. you are so crazy. “hold still while i chop off your arm and fake your dear so i can keep you safe” 

the han brothers finally having a real conversation. yoojin i love you but you really needed to do this sooner

PEACE STAYING SMALL JUST SO YOOJIN CAN PICK HIM UP UWAHHHH MY HEART

Newcomer joins the battle

Chirpie turnin on the TV by itself and yoojin praising it like every proud parent ever

more monsters!!!

unicorns (white + black bc yoojin is terrible at naming) + gryphon (named Blue)

yoojin’s training method of using himself as a human chew toy is traumatizing for everyone around him.

same hyuna i would also be taking 10939392 photos

Peace and Blue WWE match. flex on em Peace

nobody:

yoojin: wow myeongwoo is hot now

BLUE LEARNING HOW TO OPEN THE FRIDGE

i love the monster shenanigans

[luvsuperboard]

hyunjin, do you like having a dick?

pairing: boy bsf hyunjin x f.reader

contains: crack, drama queen hyunjin, the word dick and a whole conversation about dicks (well, clearly, look at the tittle) and some other curse words, mentions of periods and menstruating. mdni.

note: hihihi, LFMAOAOA OK SO, idk where the idea came from but is so fucking random i swear 😭, i also chose hyunjin for this bc his dramatic ass is perfect for this silly scenario, hope u enjoy!

-

you came out of the shower, cheeks flushed from the hot water and hair smelling like your favorite fruit scented shampoo. once you had on some comfy pajamas on you walked towards your bedroom–were hyunjin was ofc.

“you took like five years” his back was resting on the bed’s headboard, he had been reading a book or something while you were showering.

“shut up” you threw him the little towel you were using to dry your hair as you just fell on top of the bed, letting a big sigh out “im so jealous of you right now” you said with your face buried in the soft pillows.

“first of all, how dare you throw your dirty towel on my beautiful face,” the disgusted face he made was crazy “and second, jealous of?”

you sat up, tugging your hair behind your ears before taking a deep breath “wait hold on before you say anything” he put the book aside and stretched, giving you that ‘let it out’ stare.

“it’s not that bad, it’s just..” you played with your hands but soon stopped when you remembered you were talking to hyunjin, the mf knows everything about you so why would you be ashamed of sharing this?

“i’m on my period, i’m cramping so fucking bad, and like do you know what is it to have to deal with cramps? imagine you are peacefully sleeping, on a friday night after eating the most scrumptious pizza ever and you feel like your life is perfect because oh man, what can go wrong? i just ate and i’m happy and i’m sleeping. WELL NO! A FUCKING CRAMP THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO SHOW UP IN MY SLEEP AND WAKE ME UP!” you slapped the mattress, okay well you maybe had to let some things out.

“AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I STOOD UP MY BED AFTER I WAS AWAKENED BY THAT BITCH? A BIG, oh hyunjin when i tell you it was big is because it was. A BIG ASS RED-“

“OKAY NO NEED TO GET SPECIFIC I GET IT, BREATHE” he caressed you back to comfort you.

he couldn’t help it but laugh at the way you were trying to catch your breath “come here” he patted his lap as in a way of telling you to rest your head on it, so you did. “you’re crazy” he said while playing with your now not so wet hair.

“it’s just so annoying sometimes like ugh”

“i can’t say i relate like i always do, but you’ll be fine. it’s normal, just make sure to rest and not be climbing the walls like the weird creature you are, yea?” he whispered and kept playing with you hair.

“hm, i guess”

you stayed for a while like this; completely spacing out and staring at the ceiling while your head rested on his thighs until he broke the silence “so, why were you jealous of me?”

you quickly lifted your head from his lap and sat again “oh yea, well i was ‘jealous’ because you don’t get periods? duh” his lips were in a ‘o’ shape and he nodded.

“so? that’s it?” his eyebrows furrowed as he was expecting you to say something else.

“yeaaa? wait oh my god”

“oh god please no”

“LATE NIGHT TALK!”

you both spent the night talking and giggling about the most random stuff, but you enjoyed this, everything started because of your tiny rent about being sick and tired of menstruating. but for some reason a question popped up in your mind, yall were talking about anything. so, why don’t kill the curiosity and approach the moment by asking?

“hyunjin”

“hm?”

“do you like having a dick.” you said with a straight face, you were seriously trying not to laugh, you truly wanted to know.

“HUH?!” his answer made you burst out of laughter, his ears turned bright pink. cute.

“LISTEN, GOD WHY ARE YOU BLUSHING? IT WAS JUST A QUESTION”

“WELL I DONT GET ASKED THAT EVERYDAY, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?”

“WHY ARE WE YELLING?!”

“I DONT KNOW”

“okay let’s calm down” he gulped and waited for you to speak again.

“hyunjin, do you like having a dick?” you said with a tiny smile, as soon as he heard you he started massaging his temple.

“y/n you are so fucking weird-“

“ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION.”

“FINE,” he looked around as if there was people in the room and as if it was some confidential information what he was about to say “it’s cool i guess”

“pft, you guess?” he just shrugged but you wanted him to say more “cmonnnn, for example; if i had a dick-“

“please don’t”

“i’d be hard all the time.“

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“IM JUST SAYING BRO, LIKE, IS THERE ANY PROS AND CONS OF HAVING A DICK?” he sighed and shook his head dramatically “no there’s not, y/n, it’s just a body part”

“there has to be”

“THERE IS NOT. LEAVE ME ALONE IM GONNA GO CRY IN A CORNER OR SOMETHING” he hid under the blankets like a little kid, but you pulled them off him and continued with your mission of killing the curiosity.

“YOU SAID ITS ‘cool i guess’. THAT MEANS IT HAS PROS RIGHT?”

“lord save me”

“I HEARD IT CAN FALL OFF? IS THAT TRUE?”

“WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK, NINE ONE ONE HELP”

“WHAT, NO DONT SAY THAT YOU WHORE, PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK IM KILLING YOU”

“LEAVE ME ALONE THEN”

“hold on i just thought of an amazing question”

“I WANT MY MOM”

“does it glow in the dark? JUST KIDDING”

“MOMMM”

“wait but does it?”

“MOOOOOOOM”

“SHHH, oh also do you have a name for it?”

“i swear to god- wait what did you say?”

“a name for your little mate”

“no but thanks for the idea, AND IM NOT TELLING YOU ONCE I HAVE A NAME FOR IT”

“CAN YOU MOVE IT MENTALLY?”

“IM SO DONE WITH YOU, WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? GOOGLE EXISTS”

“UGH, WHAT ABOUT WHEN IT’S COLD.. does the size chang-“

“oh my god, i’m gonna call chan”

“YOU’RE GONNA ASK HIM IF HIS LITTLE FRIEND CHANGES SIZE DEPENDING ON THE WEATHER? oh but im the weird one okay”

“ARE YOU CRAZY?” he softly flicked your forehead with his middle finger “IM GONNA CALL HIM BECAUSE IM SCARED” you saw how he was about to pull his phone out his pocket but you stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

“LET ME GO!”

“ANSWER THE QUESTION”

“NO!” he jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom, locking himself in and resting his back on the door just in case you could enter.

“COME HERE YOU ARTSY BITCH”

“HELLO? CHAN HYUNG?”

“HE’S PROBABLY SLEEPING STOP LYING”

“THAT BOY DOESN’T SLEEP, ARE YOU DUMB?”

“shit you’re right, anyway. HWANG HYUNJIN, LET. ME. IN.” this time the little trick of kicking the door didn’t work since hyunjin had put his weight on it.

“NEVER!”

“YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO LET ME IN! just answer the question..”

“I SAID NO, BRO GO ASK JISUNG OR SOMETHING”

“i already did.” oh yea when it comes to tea you know you’ll have hyunjin there, so he opened the door slowly.

“really?” you nodded and he gasped dramatically, drama queen ass.

“so? what did he say?”

“come to the bedroom and i’ll tell you every single detail”

“deal.”

you spent like an hour or so telling hyunjin about what you asked han, plus more tea yall spilled through the conversation, which was enough for you to forget about the initial goal. as soon as you remembered you tapped his shoulder.

“just go to sleep, we’ve talked enough, it’s two in the morning” he said and it’s not like you’re dumb to not know he was fake-yawning too. you rolled your eyes and covered your body with the blanket. still curious, kind of mad, and not wanting to sleep since the talking had shaken your tiredness away.

he let out a deep breath when he felt your body relax underneath the blanket, he thought you had finally fallen asleep and-

“if i had a dick for a day i’d be laughing so hard like, does it just… hang there?”

“Y/N!”

[clownery-and-fuckery]

Alright buckle up here's my actual genuine reaction....

First episode:

First of all, I regret asking for more Hemlock, this was fantastically awful, I will not be recovering.

Second of all, that shaved clone has done things to me. Horrible, horrid things that made me actually pause it and look away. It made me physically ill, it was the worst. Great, but the worst.

The passage of time really did fucking get to me BUT HER LITTLE PONYTAIL UGH

crosshair..... I need a moment

EMERIE !!!! CANT STAND HER !!!!!!!!!!! SNITCH ASS BITCH

I literally don't care that she was allowed to keep the doll, btw. I dont give a shit. I hope Emerie dies in a fire.

nala se.... ew............

I think the whole episode was just pure horror, it was so fucking disgusting to watch, idk about you guys but watching the clone who had probably faced the true horror of SCI-FI warfare crying alone in his cell genuinely had me pausing the episode. Really great work there, Jennifer, I will be billing you for my therapy

Crosshair and Omega bonding !!! The little "What's your mission objective" was definitely a tactic he used on his brothers to have them pay attention, I refuse to acknowledge that he's the youngest, he just isn't. That's big brother keeping his little brother(s) on task behaviour.

Everything about Hemlock gave me chills. I love him. I hate him. I hope his guts cover the screen. I am fascinated by him.

I had a sneaking suspicion Emerie was taken under Hemlock's wing, and her undoing will be her endless loyalty to him... they did not have to say it as obviously as that, though. Glad they did.

Crosshair is sick. There is no way you show us all these sick, dying clones then Crosshair and expect us not to figure that out. He's going to die. His shaking is just the first symptom. I am not ready.

I definitely have more smaller notes I will make once I am not sobbing hysterically about it !!!!

Episode two!!:

This is the one that made me cry, actually.

Watching Wrecker and Hunter march in, quiet and covered in countless injuries, made me so sad. I couldnt recognise them. Those aren't my lads.

Wrecker begging hunter not to go because people didn't make it back.... hunter I get you're desperate, but you will NOT survive another brother being killed. I can't bear to watch him tear himself apart and neither can Wrecker.

WEEPED LIKE AN ACTUAL BABY WHEN I SAW THOSE CLONE BABIES.... THEYRE TOO YOUNG.

"99ers???" THERES FUCKING MORE ??????? I want to know the lore behind this line particularly.

Theyre so cute..... they're so CUTE ugh sedate me immediately

THE WAY HUNTER WAS LOST AT THE START BTW WITH THE TECH AND HE WAS GETTING FRUSTRATED AND HE IMMEDIATELY LOOKED TO OMEGAS STUFF AND LET HIS GRIP LOOSEN ON THE DATAPAD HE WSS THINKING OF HIS YOUNGEST TWO SIBLINGS I WILL NEVER FUCKING RECOVER DAVID AND JENNIFER LET THEM BE HAPPY !!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways that little fucker who was good with tech..... I see you. I love you.

They were so used to letting Tech do his thing.... they immediately moved to cover fire....... for a second they forgot it wasnt him, I'm weak

THE CRATE FROM S1 YOU HORRIBLE BASTARDS WHEN WILL YOU LET ME DIE

wrecker playing with the kids..... laughing with them....... ohh i will not cope when he dies.

Hes going to die, btw. In case you didn't know. I know. I am aware. I am unprepared. I dont want to discuss it.

PABU..... THEYRE GOING TO PABU WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED. MY MOTHER HAD TO HOLD ME. I WAS INCONSOLABLE FOR FIFTEEN WHOLE MINUTES!!!!!!

i cannot express my feelings for this episode.

Episode three!!!!!!:

I want that man. Yes, i do mean that masked man we saw for two seconds, I want him.

The Emperor had me actually screaming. I was so hyped. He scares me so bad.

Hemlock!!!!!! Evil !!!!!!!! CUNT !!!!!!!!!!!!

nala se was so obvious about her "Get tf out" speech..... why don't you say it louder, the whole fucking room couldn't hear you

The fucking timer. Chills. CHILLS.

Crosshair and Omega !!!! He was so unserious I love that

....sorry to all the lovers tho, have to say i DIED laughing at his "gUaRdS"

And the SCREAM he scrumpt when the door opened, who allowed that 😭😭 it was so fucking funny whbeisbwiba

They were so messy this entire ep, they're everything to me......

"Of course he did" DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DIE ?!?!?!? WHO FUCKING GAVE YOU THE RIGHT CAUSE IT WASNT FUCKING ME

Crosshairs trigger finger shaking so bad he gave his position away....... that's a major fucking problem, isn't it? That's gonna bite him in the ass.

I want more of Hemlock having a damn tantrum, that was fantastic. Him this season has me in a chokehold. I can't wait to write more of him.

This entire season so far is amazing. I can't wait to watch more, there are so many more points I wanna make, I'm freaked. I'm so happy, I'm still crying, I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Making more coherent thoughts about them soon <3

[wheres-mylove]

as if!

Modern!Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Tyrell!Reader

previous part ✩ next part ✩ series masterlist

Part 2: Just a Girl

Summary: Our chief matchmaker not only accomplishes her secret mission, but also gains an upper hand over Aemond – special thanks to the ancestral Targaryen overconfidence. Oh, and to Aegon, the supporter.

Disclaimer: English isn't my first language!

Word count: 4.4k

The infamous jeep stopped by the curb, tires screeching. To be honest, its arrival had been announced way earlier by Lady Gaga’s song booming from the speakers. And a cursing cyclist whom (Y/N) Tyrell had nearly killed on the street.

Aegon was leaning against the wall of the nearest building, eyebrows raised, observing the girl's maneuvers. One would sooner suspect Miss Tyrell of being under the influence of alcohol right now.

“It's Britney, bitch?” he asked with a mocking smile. His gaze then fixed with considerable concern on the shattered side mirror.

(Y/N) leaned back in her seat, lowered the music to a minimum, and adjusted heart-shaped pink sunglasses on her nose.

“You're so funny it hurts. Get in. Quick, before someone sees you with me!” she ordered at once, not bothered to greet the guy, waving at him impatiently.

Aegon Targaryen bore a strong resemblance to his beloved brother, as he was behaving in an annoying manner as well. Slowly, he circled the car and opened the passenger door at a leisurely pace.

She honked, smashing the horn with an open hand, and sending him an angry look. The boy flinched and finally got his ass in the passenger seat. He didn't even get a word out before she had peeled out.

“Is this your first time?” he asked, nervously laughing and gripping the headrest with both hands.

“I have a permit. And I'll have my driver's license soon,” she replied with an innocent smile.

“But that mirror seems to have met Aemond’s face,” Aegon muttered under his breath. Then he swiftly stole her glasses. (Y/N) looked at Targaryen with disapproval.

“You couldn’t see a thing in those,” the blonde justified, relieved that she had slowed down a bit. “And trust me, it would be wonderful if you could see the road.”

“Not my fault that trees and hydrants appear so suddenly. Man, out of nowhere...”

“Alright, alright, could you kindly explain why I had to walk two blocks to catch this ride?”

“I can't risk one of your buddies or anyone else recognizing me and starting some disgusting rumors that we're seeing each other,” the girl retorted. Aegon dramatically clutched his chest. “Are you sure that no one was following you?”

“It wouldn't damage your reputation as much as you think. I'm quite popular as well. Some parts of me are.”

She pretended to feel nauseous. 

“Ugh, as if.”

The jeep hit the speed bump. Aegon could swear he saw the light. They turned into a side alley. He lowered the heart-shaped glasses down his nose, looked around, and realized they had parked in front of some random grocery store forgotten by the gods.

(Y/N) laughed at the sight of his confusion.

“Well, nobody will notice us. Only some wrinkly old people shop here. It’s my to-go place when I want a moment of anonymity.”

“Okay, superstar. Didn’t really ask.” He spread his legs on the dashboard, causing the girl's eyes to widen.

“Stop being a fucking savage! It's a gift from my dad, don't put your dirty-ass feet here.”

Aegon pushed the glasses up to his forehead and gave a meaningful glance at the damaged mirror.

“If you value it so much, maybe don't smash it before your driving test,” he said in a sing-song voice, not moving a bit. “I feel like I'm meeting a dealer. That's how it usually goes. You ordered discretion, took me to a secluded place, and…”

“Paper bag on the back seat. Be careful,” she advised, fixing her hair in the meantime. After a moment of consideration, she reached into the passenger-side compartment, retrieved a bottle of expensive perfume, and sprayed it on Aegon’s seat. Now he was busy collecting the bag with childlike excitement. Ended up seriously disappointed.

“Boring,” he muttered, handing her one of the two takeaway coffee cups.

“I didn't know what you usually drink apart from beer and piss, so I went with a basic cappuccino,” she explained, taking the cup and smiling at Targaryen's offended expression. “Don't tell me you were expecting something extravagant. This is a business meeting. Let's not prolong it.”

“So, how is it?”

“Please, take him. He's your brother, your concern. We'll make arrangements. We'll find a place for him. You can do whatever you want with him, but get him out of my house. I don't want him.”

Aegon stared at her in silence for a moment, then burst into laughter.

“This really isn't a reason to laugh, Aegon!” (Y/N) snapped at him, resting her forehead on the edge of the steering wheel with a heavy sigh.

“I warned you. I told you it would be like this,” the boy replied, shrugging. “Has he already called you a brainless idiot?”

“Not yet.”

“See, that means he really likes you! And he doesn’t even bite!”

“Yet.”

Targaryen tapped her on the shoulder, and she raised her head. He nodded encouragingly.

“Go on.” Aegon began to slurp his coffee and leaned forward.

“I tried my best. I'm really polite to him. I greet him, ask how his day was. But I don't know what else to talk to him about. He barely speaks, while we’re at it. Maybe he just has communication issues. He doesn't talk to me, but that doesn't mean he's avoiding me, oh no. He's everywhere. I can't go peacefully to the living room or the kitchen because he's always there. So much hovering for someone who's supposed to be busy. He sits with his thick philosophical books, to show off how smart he is. The name Nietzsche is probably going to trigger some conditional anger in me now. And when he does speak, it's malicious. Not directly, but—Shit, damn it! My dad adores him. He's quiet around him too, but he makes the effort, you know? Dad thinks he has the perfect temperament, that he's rational and composed. Can you even imagine how frustrating that is?”

“Girl, I lived under the same roof with him for a while, I've already served my sentence,” Aegon tapped his fingers on the cup. “Want advice from an experienced guy?”

“Usually, I'm the one giving advice," (Y/N) muttered, staring blankly ahead. An elderly couple with bags full of groceries passed in front of the jeep. The woman waved with her free hand, and (Y/N) waved back. “Ah, I advised her to strike up a conversation with the widower from the senior club. You see, they're together now.”

“Be a bitch,” Aegon chimed in, to which the girl opened her mouth in outrage.

“Betty is eighty years old, I'm kind to elderly people—”

“To Aemond, honey. Give him a taste of his own medicine. There's no other way. Assert the dominance.”

“I can't. Dad will get super angry.”

“You said yourself that my brother is discreet in being an asshole. Fight back.”

“Maybe you're right. He's in my house, he's my guest, I should set the rules,” she said firmly, clinking her cup with Aegon's.

“Cheers,” he said with a laugh. “Jason Lannister asked about you today.”

(Y/N) took a deep breath through her nose and shook her head.

“Another one? I don't have time for nonsense. Nobody respects that.”

“I think Aemond will. You're not his type. He prefers the smart ones,” the boy assured, probably not thinking too long about his statement.

“What, excuse me?” (Y/N) bristled, looking at him from the corner of her eye.

“Hey, I'm not saying you're stupid,” a now-panicked Aegon corrected himself. “You're just... a pink princess with a passion for fashion? Oh gods, I think I said something wrong. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!”

“You'll get out of my car, but I'll speed up first.”

They could just as well place a warning sign on the door. (Y/N) realized she hadn't been in there since Aemond appeared in their house. She unconsciously started avoiding that part of the first floor. The same couldn't be said for her housemate, whom she nearly collided with yesterday when she was leaving to meet Aegon. She had no idea what he was doing near her room. Of course, she couldn't ask him because he strategically retreated upon seeing her.

A social butterfly.

She knocked loudly three times, grimacing at the sound. Mr. Tyrell had told her to go find him. They usually had dinner at six, but today they had to move it up an hour. He was heading to one of those business banquets where people drank too much whiskey and talked too much about business.

No response. Silence. But he was inside for sure. She would have seen him leave from her strategic spot on the couch. Targaryen roamed everywhere, but strangely left that corner alone. Maybe she had marked it too much with her presence.

(Y/N) didn't know what’s gotten into her, but she pushed the door wide open without an invitation. It only occurred to her after a moment that she might see something she would later regret.

She didn't know if it was luck or misfortune, but Aemond, decent or not, was nowhere to be seen. A faint splashing of water could be heard from behind the closed bathroom door. 

(Y/N) Tyrell smiled cunningly, registering Lana Del Rey’s song playing in the background. Finally, something she could use to bully him. She cleared her throat.

“Aemond?” she called out, taking a step back and putting her hand on the doorknob to give the impression that she hadn't barged into his solitary kingdom. She quickly scanned the room. It was clean. Almost sterile. The stack of books on the nightstand? You could practically fit a ruler to it.

“It's kind that you respect my privacy,” a quiet voice interrupted her thoughts, making her jump. The bathroom door was slightly ajar, and she could only see his bowed head, a cascade of wet hair, bare arm was also on display... Don't stare. “I could…”

“Be naked, masturbating or reading one of Colleen Hoover's books,” she offered nonchalantly, remembering his brother's advice and suppressing her father's request. “Which one would make this experience the most humbling for you?”

Aemond squinted, giving her a look she couldn't quite decipher. He made a sound that could be classified as something between a grunt and a laugh. Man seemed to have the right one for every occasion.

“Get dressed and come downstairs; we're eating early,” she informed him before making a dramatic pause, letting Lana sing. “Once you're back from the west coast.”

Targaryen pressed his lips into a thin line. She smiled in a condescending manner.

“You'd prefer La Traviata, I presume,” he said and then shut the door. (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the reference to their first meeting.

“We'll wait, sweetheart. Take your time.”

As she was walking down the stairs, she concluded that Aemond Targaryen was not an opponent she couldn't handle. She could complain or show him who was in charge.

She was a badass. A force to be reckoned with.

When she entered the dining room with a newly found surge of confidence, Mr. Tyrell shot her an indignant look and tossed an envelope onto the table. It was a miracle it didn’t land in the soup vase.

“I’ve just received this. Explain yourself.”

The girl cursed under her breath at the sight of this so unexpected mail and clasped her hands in an awkward gesture.

“Dad, you can't get angry outside of work hours,” she gently reminded him, to which her father snorted impatiently and rubbed his forehead.

Aemond Targaryen, with his perfect timing, walked into the room at that exact moment. He looked at her first, then at Mr. Tyrell attentively and stopped in the doorway.

“Another ticket?” her father continued, paying no attention to the fact that they now had a witness to this delightful conversation.

“Unjustified! I didn't exceed the speed limit that much. Maybe a little. A tad. Barely. They must have made a mistake,” (Y/N) explained, approaching her father and seating him at the head of the table. “Besides, don't be so upset; it's not the first…”

“(Y/N)!” Mr. Tyrell scolded her. “That is very thoughtless of you.”

“Not during dinner,” she requested, nodding in Aemond’s direction. “We have a guest, dad. Maybe later.”

Aemond was delighted. Just looking at his pleased expression made her want to smack him. She sat down on her father's right side , and Targaryen joined them a moment later. Mr. Tyrell reached for the envelope he had thrown earlier and started examining its contents again.

“You lead such a fast-paced life that you can't slow down?” Aemond asked, leaning in as if to hand her the vase. “Or maybe you can’t see the difference between the gas and the brake?”

“I'm considering not letting you drive anymore,” Mr. Tyrell said, interrupting their lovey-dovey conversation. “No more driving until you pass your exam.”

“That's unfair! This was the third and final ticket, I promise.”

“Quiet, child, before you give me a heart attack,” her father begged, then looked at Aemond. “You'll support me in this, young man, won't you? Tell her it can't continue like this.”

“Absolutely, sir,” Targaryen replied, placing his hand on the back of her chair. He acted like it was the best day of his life. “It's exceptionally reckless, (Y/N). You pose a threat not only to other road users but also to yourself. You're not ready to sit behind the wheel. Maybe it's worth admitting to the mistake before someone gets hurt.”

“Ass-licker,” she muttered under her breath so her father wouldn't hear.

“Aemond is right,” Mr. Tyrell sighed, handing him the ticket for inspection.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” she exclaimed, snatching the paper from her father. “Embrace him and call him son. Aemond Targaryen is always right.”

“All these negative emotions, where are they coming from?” The boy smiled maliciously, and (Y/N) had to gather all her self-control not to strangle him right there.

“We need to find the right solution, be responsible,” Mr. Tyrell decided, evoking authority.

“We need to take the bus,” Aemond suggested in her ear. She'd strangle him, that was decided.

“You'll help her, won't you, young man? Aemond, you have a driver's license. You're exceptionally sensible, and I trust you completely in this matter. From now on, she'll only get in that jeep with you. You'll watch over her, make sure her driving isn’t a threat to anyone.”

“What?” he asked weakly, suddenly turning pale. He looked at Mr. Tyrell, who was not joking. “I mean, yes, sir.”

(Y/N) laughed, flattening the ticket against his chest.

“See how it turned out for you, sir.”

They stood in silence right in front of the professors' mailboxes. (Y/N) gazed ahead with determination in her eyes, while Baela looked at her friend as if questioning her mental state.

“You're joking, right?” she asked with uncertainty, holding the stack of papers tied with a red ribbon up to her nose. “Scented? You crazy bitch.”

(Y/N) held out her hand.

“Stand guard,” she ordered in a serious tone, but Baela still didn't give up the treasure that Miss Tyrell had been working on for half the afternoon. “What now?”

“She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies?” Her friend read aloud, furrowing her brows. “That’s way too much.”

“And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes,” (Y/N) finished up, winking at her. “That's very sexy of Lord Byron.”

Bae finally gave in and handed her the letter.

“I'm out there on the watch. If our grades don't improve after all this shit, I'll have Arryk write you a letter,” she threatened, walking down the hallway with her hands placed confidently on her hips. A professional bodyguard.

(Y/N) began her search among the dozen of plates, surnames starting with the letter T on them. 

Miss Tully. Miss Tully, where are you?

“She’s on her way, hurry! Will be there in a minute,” Baela said, turning towards her friend and waving her hand.

“That's the point; she has a break now between classes,” (Y/N) replied, dropping the surprise through the mailbox slot. “She'll find something to brighten her day. Come on!”

The girl headed towards the student lounge, slumping onto one of the couches and picking up some tedious magazine from the table. Baela joined her a moment later, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Where were you trained?”

“At the Matchmaker Academy. Elite unit,” (Y/N) said with a laugh. Less than a minute later, they heard the clicking sound of high heels. “Play indifferent.”

Miss Tully was walking briskly towards her mailbox, probably expecting to find official mail or a few late assignments from her students. She was a middle-aged professor with chestnut hair neatly pulled into a tight bun, glasses perched on her nose, and an unhealthy love for tweed.

She was unmarried and specialized in poetry of the Romantic era. She truly was an untapped potential.

“I don't see it,” Baela muttered, watching Professor Tully open her mailbox.

“Even if I'm wrong, which happens once in a thousand years,” (Y/N) replied, flipping through the magazine. “Look at her reaction.”

The woman with furrowed brows examined the letter from all angles. Then she looked around, so Bae pretended to be deeply interested in the view outside the window. She untied the ribbon and scanned the words.

Miss Tully blushed.

“She's smiling now?” (Y/N) asked, turning another page.

“She's giggling.”

“Giggling?”

“I told you.”

“Gods, I'm a genius.”

“Now she's smelling the pages.”

“Wonderful.”

The sound of high heels echoed again, this time intensifying with each step, as Miss Tully was approaching them.

“Excuse me, girls?” she began with a slightly trembling voice, hiding the letter under a brown document folder. She glanced a moment longer at (Y/N). “Miss Tyrell?”

“Oh, good morning, Professor,” the girl greeted her, putting the magazine aside and smiling politely at the older woman. “Is there a problem with my essay?”

“Oh, not at all, my dear, it was a joy to read,” she assured quickly, adjusting her glasses with a seemingly careless movement. “Have you been sitting here for long? You’d happen to notice, well… Has anyone recently put something in my mailbox?”

“Hm, Professor Baratheon was here about half an hour ago,” (Y/N) replied, resting her chin on her hand. “But I think he was just checking his mail. I'm not sure if he dropped anything. Besides that, no one.”

“Oh, I see…” Miss Tully replied with a slight hint of disappointment. Then she blushed even more. “Professor Baratheon, you say? We haven't talked in a while.”

“You didn’t hear it from me, but…” (Y/N) started, and Professor Tully leaned in conspiratorially towards her. “I think it would be good for him to have someone to talk to. Lately, he seems a bit down.”

“You didn’t hear it from me also, dear, but…” Miss Tully was now sitting on the edge of the couch. “I've heard about the recent troubles with his ex-wife. He must be lonely…”

Baela watched in wide-eyed amazement as this exchange unfolded. It turned out that (Y/N) Tyrell was able to charm anyone, especially a spinster.

“Besides, if I may make such a personal observation, of course,"” (Y/N) interjected when Miss Tully was already thanking her and getting ready to leave. “You have beautiful hair. You should wear it down more often to show it off.”

The woman smiled shyly and touched her head.

“Do you really think so? Won't it be too... frivolous?”

“Oh, not at all! I think a bit of freedom would add to your charm.”

Miss Tully had never looked as beautiful as she did now, after receiving a letter from a mysterious admirer and a compliment from a pretty girl.

“Teach me, oh wise one. You've got that lady wrapped around your finger,” Baela commented in admiration.

(Y/N) stood up with a jump and smiled broadly.

“Now, let's go to Borris.”

“Do you have a scented letter for him too?”

“I told you about my theory that he can't read. I'll just tell him that Miss Tully thinks he's intelligent. That should be enough for a man like Baratheon.”

(Y/N) Tyrell was on the verge of stomping her foot in frustration.

“I was only gone for ten minutes!” she exclaimed, to which Aemond tore his gaze away from the TV screen and looked at her with something that resembled pity.

“You were taking that bath for precisely…” he began, putting his arm on the couch's backrest and checking his watch. “One hour and six minutes, counting from the moment you vacated the spot.”

She huffed in annoyance. Targaryen only now gave (Y/N) a closer look. She returned from her room in a pink satin robe. He raised an eyebrow, then she was left to argue with the back of his platinum blond, stupid head.

“We obviously have a misunderstanding here. Today is Friday evening. On Friday evenings, the TV is mine. Because I have a movie night,” she explained, striving for a calm tone and pinching the bridge of her nose. Inhale and exhale.

“I don't see any note with that information. Unspoken agreements don't hold much weight, do they? You didn't discuss this with me.”

(Y/N) lost her patience, so she marched in front of the TV, blocking Aemond's view of whatever dull news program he was watching now, and folded her arms across her chest.

“This is childish,” he remarked without moving an inch, wearing a smug smile.

“I'll stand here until you give up watching these two bald debaters for today. Who cares anyway?”

“I like to stay updated with the news. You're acting childish,” he repeated. (Y/N) wasn't fazed in the slightest. 

“If you were a nice boy, I'd offer a compromise.”

“Am I not a nice boy?” he asked with feigned offense, basically lounging on the couch at this point.

“You could watch a movie with me. I'd choose, and you'd keep me company, and we'd all be happy-”

“(Y/N)!” Mr. Tyrell suddenly appeared in the living room, holding his cell phone as far away from his ear as possible. “Why is Baela Targaryen bothering me and asking if you're alive? She mentioned something about an emergency.”

“Oh, damn, I left mine upstairs,” (Y/N) replied, taking her father's phone. “I'll return it to you later!”

Mr. Tyrell waved her off and returned to his duties, probably reorganizing the documents. He was unable to rest. The girl brought the phone to her ear.

“Hey, Bae. What's so important that you're calling my old man?” she asked while pushing the footstool across the floor and setting it right in front of the TV. She sat down on it and crossed her legs.

“Childish,” Aemond mouthed. She stuck her tongue out at him in return.

“You won't believe it; I didn't expect such swift results,” Baela exclaimed from the other end of the line. “I was just leaving volleyball practice. Guess who I saw!”

“Professor Baratheon and Professor Tully?” (Y/N) asked a somewhat rhetorical question, smiling with satisfaction.

“Sitting on a blanket under a tree. They seem to have organized some kind of picnic. You'd have to see them, with their puppy-dog eyes and smiles full of love. They seemed to be on cloud nine.”

“I told you it would work. Another success in my career.”

“I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will remove the stick from Baratheon’s ass.”

“When he's no longer sexually frustrated, he'll loosen up,” (Y/N) assured. She noticed Targaryen's questioning look at that remark. “I'm not talking about you.”

“Aemond's with you?”

“Unfortunately.”

"Give him my regards.”

“I won't.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow, right?”

(Y/N) grimaced, remembering that she would have to ask Targaryen for a favor.

“Sure. Bye.”

Aemond tapped his knee and looked at her with a smirk.

“So, who's frustrated?” he asked, sending her a mean smile. “Your boyfriend?”

“You're such a dick. I don't have a boyfriend. I was talking about my professor.”

“That doesn't sound good,” Targaryen remarked. (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

“Gods, I'm not going to explain the whole story to you. I just set up my professor with another professor.”

“You set them up?” he repeated.

“Yeah, and what's it to you? Need some help in the relationship department? I wouldn't be surprised, considering how charming you are.” She pointed a finger at him. “Let's make a deal. You can watch your news, but you'll go to the shopping mall with me tomorrow.”

“Are you asking me out?” He was trying her patience, and he knew it well.

“Behave. Just as my father said, I can't drive the jeep unsupervised-”

“No way.”

“Please. Please. Please. Please-”

“What are the chances of you shutting up until you get your way?”

“Slim to none,” she replied, knowing she had him cornered. He was to blame for this one. Consequences of being cocky.

“Alright,” he grumbled, well aware that he had no other choice. She could complain to her father at any moment.

“Enjoy your evening,” she chirped, finally moving out of his line of sight.

“Wait,” he stopped her before she could leave and handed her the remote control. “Out of pure curiosity.”

(Y/N) gave him a sweet smile and almost snatched the remote from his hand before flopping onto the couch, keeping a reasonable distance from him.

Aemond Targaryen watched in horror as she selected Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper.

“Movie night or a cartoon night?”

“Listen, as a literature enthusiast, you should know that it was inspired-”

“Absolutely not," he stated, getting up from the couch and marching to the kitchen.

(Y/N) shrugged. Pussy. Goal achieved anyway. Movie night with Barbie, as her tradition dictated.

“Can you bring me a snack while you're there? M&Ms will do!”

She expected him to ignore her, as she had already abused his good humor quite a bit, but he appeared a moment later, holding an apple in one hand and tossing a bag of candy onto the pillow next to her with the other.

“Thanks! Would watching Barbie tarnish your manly honor?”

“My sister watched that when she was seven. Look at what that says about your level.”

“Alright, Mr. Partypooper. Goodnight.”

Aemond didn't leave. He lingered in the doorway for almost an hour, busy pretending that he’s not watching the movie at all. Someone give him an Oscar for that performance.

(Y/N) decided to let it slide. This time. Just as he had let her singing I am a Girl Like You slide without any snide comments.

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[erikahenningsen]

5 cadina!

5. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

Out of everything that happens during his junior year, what Damian expected the least was becoming friends with Regina George.

A few weeks after spring fling, their English teacher told them to pair up for a project. Damian was feeling generous that day, so when it became clear that nobody wanted to work with Regina, he graciously volunteered.

What he learned—aside from the fact that The Old Man and the Sea is boring as hell—is that Regina is smart, and funny, and a much better companion at the mall than Janis.

And somewhere around the time Damian offered to reorganize Regina's closet in exchange for Regina writing their paper for them—she actually liked the book—they became friends.

They're seated on a bench outside after school, Regina helping Damian decide which Telfar bag he should ask for for his birthday, when Damian spots Cady and Aaron exit the building, hand in hand.

"Oh, there's Cady and Aaron," Damian says, about to raise his hand to wave.

Regina pulls his arm down. "Ugh. If I have to hear about how Aaron beat some new track record or helped his mom plant flowers right now I'll puke." She says plant flowers how Mr. Duvall says marijuana at their anti-drug assemblies—a little disgusted, a little bit in disbelief that anyone would do that.

"I thought you were over him," Damian says.

"Of course I'm over him," Regina says, waving a hand dismissively. "He's so boring, and he somehow always needs a haircut, even right after he gets one. I don't know what Cady sees in him."

Damian studies Regina more closely. She seems to be going for nonchalant, but there's an edge to her voice, and her eyes are a little sad, and then Damian realizes she's not looking at Aaron.

She's looking at Cady.

"Oh my god," Damian says, so many things clicking into place in his brain. Regina stopping Cady in the cafeteria on her first day and telling her she was pretty. Regina randomly going after Aaron as soon as she learned Cady liked him. Regina telling Cady she liked her in the bathroom at spring fling. "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

"Of Cady? Please," Regina scoffs.

"No, Regina," Damian says. "Of Aaron."

For a moment Regina looks confused. Her eyes widen comically, then start darting around the courtyard.

"What? No. That's crazy. Why would you think that? Absolutely not." Damian has never seen Regina look this flustered. Her face is actually red.

"Because you are obsessed with that girl. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner."

"Shut the fuck up," Regina says, but it has no bite to it. She drops her head into her hands.

"It's okay to have gay thoughts, Regina," Damian says, patting her back. "I actually think this world would be a more peaceful place if everyone had gay thoughts."

"Can we not do this right now?" Regina says tiredly. She lifts her head, and she actually looks a little frightened. "And please don't tell anyone."

"Of course I won't," Damian promises. "I know what that does to a person," he adds pointedly, and Regina has the good sense to look down at her hands remorsefully.

"I know," she says. "Thanks."

"Now, I can't say I've ever been attracted to the fairer sex but I am here to support you on your lesbian journey in any way I can," Damian says.

Regina whacks his arm. "I will kill you and make it look like an accident."

"What are you gonna do? Push me in front of a bus?"

"Of course not," Regina says. "That plan obviously has flaws—I mean, I didn't die. I'd get a sure thing."

Damian rolls his eyes. He knows she's just joking.

Or, he's pretty sure.