#uhh i dont know what the definition of horror is. i use it here to mean like 'something unsettling and makes you want to escape a situation'

[4giorno]

something in dead boy detectives that surprised me was how much the horror aspects of it actually HIT. like the time loop with the killer dad was so hard to watch and even tho it isnt strictly horror related, edwins scream for niko was so harrowing it made me physically sick

[spikeinthepunch]

okayyy i finished the new ending in Lisa the Joyful so yeah, heres another long Lisa post. this will more so have a short list of what i did and didnt like of the game since i know opinions are often mixed. but ill have a long focus talking about the new content compared to the rest of the game. and will later go on about characterization and writing in detail.

Also while you can find a no commentary video for the new ending, almost all uploads skip an earlier portion of it, so I uploaded it myself! with timestamps.

TW for uhh the same triggers- sexual, physical, verbal abuse mostly.

SO OKAY. Okay.

The brief on the main game....

What I did like:

I like the general story. I enjoyed the horror of watching more and more joy mutants arriving, even some of the warlords being joy mutants already, and normal characters like the uhh shelf vendor guy being a mutant. additionally things like wearing a mask mattering. i think it was important to too still have some weirdos bc thats one of the key things in displaying the cycle of these men's behavior. music always good too of course. i enjoy Buddy's internal conflict too and i dont mind here characterization-- its just the pacing. I actually liked the epilogues a bit more than what the endings actually told us lol... tbh they carry more weight in terms of giving us information about the past. But the ones that hit hardest are the ones where Lisa tells Buzzo to mutilate her so her father wont want her anyways. and the one with Brad's father forcing him to drink alcohol and go with him to lisa's room (to presumedly watch his father abuse lisa).

What i didn't like:

the "original" endings (not the new definitive one) were weak and i am sure most feel that way. I think actually the issue for me is the choice... cuz playing with joy? well i think the "stay with them" makes sense as she gets more fucked up and unstable (and assume addicted). the joyless route makes me feel like i should fittingly take the "leave them" ending bc she is mentally aware enough to know she still hates what happened to her and wants to leave them behind. the choices of them feel conflicting to the routes you might choose but you dont think about it bc there is no consequence to taking joy! the pacing of course is a big complaint. cuz see i dont think the story or writing is horrible i just think it needed to be longer in order to expand on all those things rushed through. the ideas would feel good if the pacing didnt speed through it. the Yado epilogue is fine too but i think just left more questions than answers than the endings themself so i would have rather done without it imo.

As stated i will go WAY more into the characters after I talk about this new stuff. I will talk heavily about what happens in it too so feel free to read this later if you dont watch it... but you really should look at the new Painful and Joyful content as they also kinda go together.

NEW CONTENT..... kind of new ending, it plays directly into it. Unlike Painful where it doesnt alter the actual ending content. and i will go over the normal endings a bit more in relation to this bc of how it affects pacing etc...

So On one hand I like what it added and on the other hand it wasnt great-- which all plays into the games already existing pacing issues. Which is a shame. i liked collecting the items, the meaning of the statues (n the dialog being the same as the Painful one), and the exploration leading up to the warlord fight. I chose not to fight the warlords because they were so damn strong and I like that there was recognition for not fighting back. Idk if i feel like there was a good reason for them to be there but I think it at least gives more meaning to the warlords since they didnt DO that much in the game other than to be killed. Most had barely anything to say.

For the bigger Secret at the grave for Lisa-- I liked this a lot too actually. Getting to hear from the guys their thoughts about Buddy that is from the assumed context theyre already dead here (w how Sticky's death is mentioned esp) is just kinda nice. The further content with Berny and Dusty, where Berny tells him to fight harder and to treat girls with aggression.... yeah that hits. The cycle of abuse really just continues huh. The rest of it is fine, I feel like it does give some better commentary on character's thoughts but it is quite short, and is left on a more metaphorical note with the flowering skull and whatnot.

Now is the part I see more conflict on AGAIN and I dont blame people for being conflicted about it. I didnt mind the way Buzzo talked about Brad in the original-- I dont think that writing was an actual excuse to Brad, I think it was just Buzzo trying to blame himself instead for everything (the new contents dialog with the sticky/rick/cheeks also had good to say on Brad's behavior and not excusing it but talking about the abuse of drugs in the context of that). I did feel that the conversation wasnt enough in the original though, to fully imply that he was talking like that or to give a better conversation on drug abuse. Buuut here we are w the extended new dialog with Buzzo. I did like how he started getting more depressed and angsty about Lisa! And the comment "she would have loved it here" is interesting bc i feel the implication is that she would have loved being in a world where all these men are now gone. but let me move onto the rest bc like, that matters the most here.

woof okay. So Buddy goes off when Buzzo says that which i get. However this conversation falters in the same way the whole game does. Buddy gets a LOT of talking time here. And she kind of keeps going in a way that really doesnt feel plausible you know? The new stuff added more connection between her and Lisa but its not enough to make us think she should be defending Lisa. I think there couldve been a neat exploration of all this comparing to Lisa but Joyful doesnt have that time. While I cant claim it, Buddy's rant kiiinda feels like a rant from behind the scenes with how less in character it feels. Buzzo is made far more pathetic and I don't disagree with this realization that he'd dissolve into a little pathetic man, again the game just doesnt have the time to make it work better.

and dont even get me started on Buddy's inconsistent opinion on Brad... this is like, annoying and I mentioned it in relation to the ending choices. After this new dialog rant Buddy sounds like she is forgiving Brad/coming to realize things about him that gives her more understanding. And i think that is fine BUT the issue is that right after talking to Buzzo the game returns as normal and when she sees mutant Brad approach, she reacts with genuine upset at seeing him and comments how she never wanted to see him again :/

I know at this point there is no way they could have "salvaged" Joyful for this release-- that would be too much and I dont think itd be right to get rid of the old endings entirely (Painful didnt, nor did the new content change anything about it). Its a shame- some of it was good. some of it i think they just shouldnt have done (the end buzzo fight) because it just conflicted more/kind of highlights the pacing problems. if anything i think leaving out that buzzo rant would have made the rest of that feel like it did help the pacing because it gave a pause between the ending of the game. anyways.

CHARACTERIZATIONNNN

righto. i think i covered pacing enough so i will try and leave that out of every comment i make here lol.

So like, I dont have a problem with Buddy's intentions in the game exactly. Her actions in many ways make sense... at least I would say that its fine she is very violent. That is literally the main thing Brad taught her whether or not you look at the start scene of Joyful, it reflects in how she would always be told how dangerous the world is too. The pace of course, makes this all happen so fast.

And of course the biggest hit that I think turns off many is how much talking there is. I certainly love hearing more from characters, Brad was quiet because he was brad, yet no one else needs to be quiet too so i think thats fine. But with Buddy's life it seems like she should have been quiet until her mental state and mindset shifted due to her treatment and justification of violence. even in Painful she seems relatively quiet and Joyful takes place right after pretty much.

In terms of others-- Rando is fine, like hes not that bad. We didn't know him all to well and what we know of Dusty i expected him to be a nice kid, esp w the whole adopted thing. But his back and forth with Buddy was more annoying w how short the game was (doing things, wanting to run to the other place and being stopped for a scene at the campfire by force. repeat.) I did like the whole deal with his friends and later his death too. Buzzo so i dont completely hate buzzo minus the fast jump in the new content. but he was pretty unhinged in Painful and to see it completely drop seemed wrong. i do think it make sense he probably felt loads of guilt for brad... but we just again, didnt get enough time with these characters.

Other characters? Well i mentioned it above but the warlords did NOT get much of any character. Which sucks bc if those parts alone had been extended (their area being longer or more full of interactions) i think it would have helped the game too. In terms of the other antagonist, Bolo, considering he was new for this game I think he was just fine. His role was small in a good way and honestly when he did appear it was for good moments that worked. The whole scene with him, Rando, and Buddy where Buddy tries to save Rando was probably my favorite part lol? Simply bc i think it worked well for all of their characters. For all of them I think it was my favorite moment of characterization-- Buddy's choices to drop or hold him both work for her i think. And yikes, disgusting moment with Bolo. And I will be real, I think Joyful needed that. The game was short so i wouldnt have wanted more but, Painful had it uncomfortable and gross moments and I think that is important to an extent of really pushing the importance of narrative and experiences of Buddy (and reflecting Lisa).

uhhhhh yeah i think thats most of what I can say. iirc i wasnt around for the old kickstarter but Joyful was a stretch goal right? and i heard Austin isnt exactly happy with it either? its really really a shame that it was a stretch goal that felt forced. I get why it was a tempting goal for people but.... it just sucks bc its clear that is why this game turned out the way it did. i wonder often if him not doing much else with the series is simply bc joyful had to be the "conclusion" and its not one hes exactly happy with either. tbh the series could have just been Painful and it would be fine. but if Joyful wasnt a DLC i imagine it would have been likely we'd see a full fledged sequel instead and it sucks it had to go that way. i definitely dont hate the creator for it but itsucks for everyone that even the additions in Definitive cant fix what happened already with that game.

[angeliteonfridgeduty]

TIME TO ASK STUFF ABOUT 066

-if she ever went into the solver form (I think you said she did once? if i remember correctly), what did she think about this afterwards? And how did it feel at the moment of the solver form itself?

-from the time when we talked about 066 and Rinja, I remember that you mentioned that she would try to stop Rinja from overusing it. I. uh. wonder HOW would she try that fjdhdnhr ive been wondering about it ever since

-WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHE ALSO SAW A PHYSICAL FORM OF THE SOLVER?? genuinely wondering. and what does the solver itself think of her

-is it fine that I ask so much stuff about the way she would interact with Rinja??? because I do have more of those. alright. what if she saw Rinja being possessed. like, with yellow eyes and all that. AND what if she saw them while they are JUST in their solver form. Not completely possessed just being completely out of control. ACTUALLY WHAT IF SHE ALSO KNEW THAT THEY TRY TO INDUCE THE SOLVER FORM ON PURPOSE SOMETIMES???

-Aaand lastly (for now) WHAT IF SHE WAS GETTING POSSESSED HERSELF TOO. LIKE. I know she tries to avoid using the solver at all costs but I dont think its possible to escape it completely. So what if she ALSO GETS TO THAT POINT

those are the ones I could think of for now!! yes they all also involve the solver WHOOPS FJHFJDHD

-Yep, she did in fact go into solver form precisely once. Funnily enough she actually did it on purpose, got mad at several scientists for reasons i did not think of yet and decided to cause severe problems for the sake of causing severe problems. (happened all the way back when planet core didn't explode and cfl was a functional shithole). Regretted it like hell afterwards as for how it felt, uh. the basic solver form feels packet ig

-I think she'd just. monitor rinja by directly being close to them at ~most times, and whenever rinja tries to do the do cynthia'd just go like "no. no we do not do that here. pls put the png down" while stopping their hand or smt (yk like uhh either v or n (i forgor) did with uzi like once in dead end. not the. not the chopping hand off but like that one that happens like way earlier. kinda like that yea) -If Cynthia ever saw the solver personification.. Her first instinct would be to hurl the heaviest nearby object on it immediately. 100%. I think AbsoluteSolver would personally find her and the fact it can't get her fully possessed for literal years at this point annoyiing as hell. legit in c262 the only reason it's really still bothering with her is because she's at cfl and it needs that place for whatever it is singularities are up to these days -tbh? she would get as possibly far away from a fully possessed rinja (or, honestly, any fully-possessed drone in general) as physically possible. While the png most likely definitely wants to keep all its hosts, 066 doesn't fucking know what goes on in the mind of that immature eldritch horror and definitely does not want to find out what getting sucked into a black hole feels like. As for Rinja just in solver form, i feel like 066 would try her best to get them back to their senses. And. if she knew RInja induces solver form on purpose occasionaly. i think she'd. sit down and attempt to convince them to stop doing that via talk. How well that would go? no clue. Would she do it? yup. -066 is fully aware that getting full-possessed by the eldritch png file is essentially inevitable, just trying her best to have that not happen for as long as possible. if she ever got to the 'start getting possessed ya dumbass' point, she would likely leave the settlement (yup she and the silly group she's accidentally collected over the years have a silly settlement of sorts down there), going somewhere that's far from other local drones to minimize any possible damage, do more stalling for idk how much time, and then.. eventually i think she'd. at the very least attempt to commit proper disposal of ai on herself (with someone else's help because. from what i remember that one isn't fully doable w/o someone else) so AbsoluteSolver doesn't get another free uber fully-controlled host. dark, yeah, but i can definitely see her doing that anyway. ye its perfectly fine that you ask a lot about cynthia/rinja interactions! i like thinking about those actually

[estradasphere]

tagged by @aranarumei :) (under a readmore because Long)

1. are you named after anyone?

my actual normal chosen name is lifted from one of my very old ocs (like, i named him and then decided i liked his name so much i stole it for myself - he's not a sona or anything), so… in a sense, i guess so! "rottel" is from a series of beatmania songs but specifically this one

2. when was the last time you cried?

two or three days ago, maybe? don't remember. my eyes just randomly water so often that it's hard to tell

3. do you have kids?

lol no. does anyone on this website?! redirecting to kiri's alternate question…

3 alt: recommend a song?

struggling not to mention a certain band… here's a song by öOoOoOoOoOo, chairleg thesis. discovered this album recently and love it a whole lot!! (actually, my favorite song on that album is well-oiled machine but it's a super short song, not much of a recommendation LOL)

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

i don't think so. and when i do i kinda suck at it lol

5. what sports do you play/have played

none, i am Not athletic, never have been. i did marching band in high school if that counts

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?

voice, i suppose. i don't really pay any attention to how people look because i avoid eye contact like its the plague 😂

7. eye color?

on paper, blue. but - at the risk of sounding like a stereotypical blue eyes haver - they're more of a, like… dark grey? barely any blue to them at all

8. scary movies or happy endings?

i can't handle horror at ALL i'm a pussy. but yeah as kiri said this kinda feels like a false dichotomy LOL

9. any special talents?

um… uh… hm…

10. where were you born?

alabama (as anyone who's been following me for like 5 minutes probably knows already)

10 alt: what made you make a tumblr account?

i do not remember! tho i've been here since i was like 13 or something…? definitely way before the porn ban anyway. but i deleted and then came back so this isn't my first account

11. what are your hobbies?

listening to music… drawing, making ocs... uh… i would say playing video games but despite having like 70 games in my steam library i only ever play tboi and tetris lmao

12. do you have any pets?

a cat (lenny) and a dog (angel)

13. how tall are you?

4'9" (~145cm?). yes yes get your jokes out of the way now & i slouch so i probably appear even shorter lol

14. favorite subject in school?

band lol. besides that… hmm… i used to love english but 12th grade + college english workload kinda killed it for me 😔 i hate writing essays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15. dream job?

i do not dream of labor. ideally something quiet and low stress i suppose...

i tag um uhh anyone who reads this and wants to do it. yes even you reading this!!!! u dont have to say u were tagged by me or anything.

[tanukitoya]

Introduction I guess :0

Omg I re-downloaded Tumblr after not having it for so long and I have no idea what I'm doing

But uhh hii I'm Toya my pronouns are she/they, I'm prolly just gonna use Tumblr to spam or talk about anything :P though I am open to meet new people an friends :000

I'll probably make a proper introduction when I actually know how to use tumblr...

I have lots of interest so here some facts about me :D. My favorite color is pink, specifically pastel pink. I'm pan and underage (sorry I don't like saying my actual age). I'm full Mexican but hella pale because I never went out as a kid D; . I'm an artist, I want to do digital but don't have the things for it so I do pencil art. I like to play video games, example; GTA V, Borderlands, Ark, Overwatch(I dont play as much anymore) Minecraft, ect. I like horror movies, my fav is Friday the 13th. I like all types of music expect country, EDM, and kpop (sorry its just not for me, not hating on anyone who does). I love all types of animals and have so much favorites but some include are, tanukis, foxes, horseshoe crabs. I like photography and practicing it as well as practicing volleyball. I like sanrio but my fav is gudetama. I watch lots of youtubers but my fav is definitely technoblade (rip techno ;( ). I like to cosplay and hopefully i can learn to make my own one day. Im not sure what else to say since I'm writing this was 1am and having the worse brain farts right now so I'll prolly but allot / most of my interest in the tags.

So I'll finish this off by saying that, I wish you guys could see my account and me as a safe place to talk and be yourself.. Even if I'm still figuring out how Tumblr works but uhhh go drink some, water stay hydrated, actually have a good sleeping schedule until me right now.. But just overall take care of yourself （ ´_⊃｀）Byeee :00

I'm prolly gonna forget some thing important and then later be like Ohhh

[sssrha]

transcription of slides under the cut:

[SLIDE 1] the vibes ao3’s top 9 mdzs ships give me (a really stupid thing i made on a lazy saturday)

[SLIDE 2] wangxian: the wholesome canon relationship (with a hint of spice)

ok maybe calling the union between a demonic cultivator and a secret sex fiend “wholesome” isnt exactly accurate…but that’s where the “hint of spice” comes in

other than that tho? i remember seeing a meme somewhere about wangxian and sangcheng and wangxian was described as “domestic gays with a house and a white picket fence and two kids” and honestly? yes 

not that they cant be freaky. id say their particular brand of freakiness is vaguely surrealist suburban horror. make of that what you will

[SLIDE 3] xicheng: either its “pair the spares” or just about trauma

their dynamic is 500% “karen/enabling husband” but like in a good way

objectively the best-dressed couple you will ever meet. like seriously why are you even trying? theyve got you beat

jc would own a flower shop and punch you in the face for saying a single bad thing about his flowers. lxc would own a tattoo parlor and hand you a lollipop and tell you how proud he is of you for not crying while he gave you a tattoo

they dont strike me as a “every evening we relax and watch the sunset” type of relationship B U T every other week they go stargazing with a detailed map of the night sky

[SLIDE 4] xiyao: either a) the angst of betraying/being betrayed or b) the angst of killing/being killed

high society gays. they would both unironically wear tuxedos to a mcdonalds. lxc would see it as a fun couples thing and jgy would do it to assert his dominance

i swear they would be among the smiliest of the major couples. only one of them would give you a happy smile

dont mess with them. no like dont mess with any of the couples but so far jgy is the first one who would make your life living hell and keep you around long enough to suffer the consequences

[SLIDE 5] sangcheng: being simultaneously over- and underestimated

i saw a meme about sangcheng and wangxian where sangcheng was described as something along the lines of “wine aunt and vodka uncle” and honestly? yes

they’re both human disasters. nhs would have various splotches of color on his clothes and you cant tell if it was intentional or if theyre actually stains. jc is very neat and organized but will have a mental breakdown at the slightest inconvenience

sometimes they just sit down across from each other and. cry. its how they bond

idk why it popped into my head but they’re both ace Because I Said So

[SLIDE 6] xuexiao: cute domesticity but also murder

i refuse to believe that xy is anything but unhinged in every universe. whether or not thats a good thing is up to you

xy could and would murder you in your sleep and not feel bad about it until xxc told him off. even then he might still decide it was worth it

xxc doesnt exactly know about The Murder Stuff(TM) but he knows some shit is off but he trusts xy enough to not comment on it

they would meet and hook up in a bar and mutually decide that they may as well stay together for the rest of their lives the next morning

[SLIDE 7] xuanli: the token straights (but also? theyre really cute???)

i did not expect them to be as cute as they were but here i am

anyway jyl has jzxuan wrapped around her little finger and shes just too nice to use that to her advantage

if jyl asked jzxuan for some chocolate jzxuan would just buy her the entire hershey company and forget to give her an actual chocolate bar and jyl is too sweet to actually say anything about it

they would definitely have like 20 children. theyd fucking love being parents. the moment having another child became dangerous theyd start adopting left and right. theyre rich they can afford it and their hearts are big enough for all their kids so why would they not?

[SLIDE 8] songxiao: childhood friends to lovers AND perfect power couple

i know they have more nuance than this but i cant help but think of them as The Perfect Couple(TM)

not shipping-wise!! i mean like. theyre both law-abiding citizens. their house looks like a model house. theyre dressed super neat and handsomely. they both know cpr and first aid and one of them is a lawyer and the other is an award winning writer. idk who is who but yk.

they are who people call to deal with problems instead of the police and they delight in that fact. that is what i mean by them being The Perfect Couple(TM)

[SLIDE 9] chengxian: disasters through and through

uhh i am going to be spending the entirety of this slide ignoring the fact that i personally consider them siblings

they would live in a dingy studio apartment in the heart of a city and theyd both never be home

theyre both super fucking rich but theyd never have any money on hand so dont be surprised if they just starve out on the street one day because theyre just that stupid

they collectively have the self esteem of rotting cabbage but theyre keeping themselves and each other alive purely out of spite and sheer force of will

[SLIDES 10] nielan: childhood friends to lovers AND himbo power couple

psst heres a secret: neither of them are actually himbos

H O W E V E R they both 500% pretend they are. they intentionally act as stupid as possible just for the fun of it

the best part is when they stop acting stupid when something important happens. crouching-moron-hidden-badass at its finest

also the older brother energy is overflowing. it does not matter who you are or how old you are. if you meet them then youre going to walk away with two new big brothers

[SLIDES 11] the end (unless i gather the willpower to make a part 2)

[marvelstuff-n-buckyfluff]

Avengers on the day your water breaks

This may be totally scientifically inaccurate but oh well here goes

Tony 

You grunted as you stepped down the stairs, careful not to fall. You could barely see the steps over your belly so you were holding tightly to the railing as you took a step at a time. You were about to take the last step when you felt something loosen in your hooha. You looked down and your eyes widened to see a yellowish liquid on the last step. You had no idea what was about to happen next. This was your first child and you sure as hell knew the baby daddy was just as clueless as you.

Tony was in the kitchen, eating and working on some designs for his tech when he heard you call.

“Uhh, Tony?! Come here come here come HERE!” He scrambled off the chair, the sound of papers flying and the chair skidding on the floor, filling the room. He ran around the corner to the sound of your frantic voice and stopped when he saw you bracing your stomach. 

“Please don’t tell me-”

“Tony my water broke! Oh my god, it’s time!” You gulped. Tony remained frozen in place, his mouth gaping and eyes wide as saucers. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST STANDING THERE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL, GENIUS!!!” You shrieked. Finally, he snapped out of it, only to say something so incredibly stupid.

“C-crap, that was today?! C-C-Can we postpone it??” You froze in your tracks. You almost missed it, and you wish you did, but you heard it. Your head whipped to the side to give him the most murderous glare you’d given anyone. 

With murder on your mind you quickly picked up a stray heel that was laying on the floor and threw it at him, making him flinch and lift up a leg to shield himself as it hit his side. “YOW! OKay okay I’m sorry! I’ll take you to the hospital!” He said, wrapping your arm around his shoulder to help carry you to the car. “Good aim by the way.” You growled at that.

“I was aiming for your neck.”

Steve

Steve had been preparing for this day for monthsss. He had drills, practicing what he’d do when your water broke and already had a list of the closest hospitals to take you to and had even prepared a plan in case you had to deliver the baby at home. You were pretty impressed at how ready he seemed.

Who knew that on the day it counted, all that would just fly out the window.

You were doing your morning stretches when you felt it break. You gasped as you felt the anxiety rise in your chest. Steve was out on his morning run, and the baby wasn’t due for another 2 weeks! You started to hyperventilate but had to calm yourself down and call Steve. This was all going to be fine.

“Hey honey, how are you feeling?”

“Steve, my water broke an I-’‘

“HHAH HHAH HHAH HHAH HHAH IM COH- IM COMING, HHAH HHAH” You winced as you heard lighting fast footsteps, frantic panting, and angry drivers honking their horns, telling Steve to get off the streets.

“St-Steve?” It was obvious that he had forgotten to hang up and was now running at top speed with his phone in his hand. “Steve you can calm down, I’m not in pain ye-”

“*BEEP BEEEEEP SKRRR! PRPHPRHORPHRPD*” You flinched harshly at the sound and your jaw dropped in shock.

“OH MY GOD DID YOU JUST GET RUN OVER?!” You shrieked. You didn’t get a response right away but you heard his footsteps thunder in the speaker again. 

“THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT JUST HANG TIGHT I’LL BE THERE IN 2 MINUTES!”

---

Steve burst through the door, heading straight towards you. He picked you up bridal style and started to run out the door. Everything happened so fast you barely had any time to process it.

‘Wait Steve!!! What are you doing?!?”

“Taking you to the hospital!” He panted. He was already halfway down the street, making your anxiety skyrocket.

“WAIT YOU’RE GONNA RUN ME THERE?!”

“YES THERE’S NO TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE.” You gasped and started to convulse in his arms to get him to stop.

“OH ABSOLUTELY NOT. WHAT THE HELL, STEVE! WE PLANNED TO TAKE THE CAR. EVERYONE TAKES THE CAR. YOU GOT RAN OVER FOR GOD’S SAKE! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’M GONNA LET YOU GET US BOTH RAMMED?!”

“Oh god you’re right!” He gasped, turning right back around and getting you settled in the car to be on your way to the hospital.

Bucky

You both had literally been so busy. You didn’t really have much time in the last few months of your pregnancy to talk about plans or anything. Of course, when you both first found out you were expecting, that was all you would talk about. But recently, you didn’t have time to check on him about those things. But you were kind of expecting Bucky to be ready and be doing the homework for this big change you both were about to experience. However as time flew by, you were so caught up in things that you had even forgotten you were 9 months pregnant. So feeling your water break caught the both of you by surprise.

You were silent for a few seconds, just staring at the liquid on the floor. The panic was slowly but surely rising at a gradual pace, feeling yourself getting more and more freaked out.

Bucky was on his phone in the living room, the football game playing on the tv as background noise. You called out to him from the kitchen. “Bucky??” No answer. “BUCKY!” That snapped him back to reality and he turned his head sideways a bit to yell back at you.

“Yeah?” 

“Uhh, my water broke!” You squeaked. Bucky furrowed his eyebrows and shrugged lightly.

“That’s okay doll, you can just sweep it up. Was it glass?” Your face scrunched up in deep confusion and you turned in the general direction of the living room. 

“What!?” 

“Was your cup of water made of glass?” He asked. Your jaw dropped at how oblivious he was to the situation. That alone was enough to make the panic go through the roof.

“BUCKY I’M GIVING BIRTH!” You yelled, stomping your foot on the ground. Bucky’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he leaped off the couch and zoomed into the kitchen. 

“Wait WHAT? NOW!?!” He cried, running his hands through his hair and panicking. He definitely was not helping. “Ok ok ok wait! uhhh wait! just uhhh... Can you just like, hold it in?”

“WHAT THE- BUCKY!” 

“JUST UNTIL WE GET THERE! Maybe we can just like, stuff a towel in there, or like a tampon- I DONT KNOW JUST SOMETHING TO KEEP THE BABY FROM FALLING OUT UNTIL I CAN TAKE YOU TO THE-”

“DID YOU NOT READ ANY OF THE PREGNANCY AND BIRTHING BOOKS I TOLD YOU TO READ?!” You could not believe the words coming out of this man’s mouth right now. 

“I thought they were baby books to read to the baby when it came!” He cried, shrugging helplessly. Your eyes grew wide and your nose flared furiously.

“I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!!!”

“IM SORRY-”

Thor

You were more nervous than most people for your delivery. Any little kick, or discharge you felt, you immediately cried out for the hospital. “The baby’s coming!” stuff like that. Over the course of your pregnancy you have had many false alarms. You felt like the little boy who cried wolf and you felt bad for Thor because you would always set his nerves on fire and make him freak out when you’d say it’s happening, only for it to be a false alarm. But you couldn’t help it! You were just so nervous.

You wanted to be mad at him for not taking you seriously that day, but it was honestly your fault for all those false alarms. You could had yourself to blame.

But you’d never admit that.

---

You were digging in the pantry looking for something to munch on when you heard something splash on the floor. You cringed at the sound, still unaware of the fact that it was you. You looked around for the source of the sound and when you looked directly under you, your heart stopped. It was one of those moments where you panic so much, that you feel and act calm. So with the same stoic face, you speed waddled over to Thor, who was sitting on the couch watching a documentary. You sat next to him and looked at him with wide eyes, never once blinking. 

“Thor? My water broke.” You said. Thor chuckled, keeping his eyes on the screen, not bothering to look at you. 

“It’s fine, darling. Just another false alarm.” He hummed, patting your thigh. You shook your head as you grasped his bicep, hoping to get his attention. 

‘No, not this time, Thor. You need to believe me.” You pleaded. Thor finally looked over at you with an amused smirk. “The baby’s coming.” 

Thor scrunched his nose up and gave you an unsure smile. “Is he though??” He asked in a high pitched voice. You sighed exhasperatedly and shot up from the couch. 

“YES! HE IS! LOOK!” You yelled, grabbing him and leading him to the pantry to show him the liquid on the floor. At the sight of it and the realization of the truth, his face paled and he began to panic as well. 

“T-T-T-T-The BAby’s coming. The baby’s com-THE BABY’S COMING! ODIN’S BEARD, THE BABY’S COMING IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING!” He exclaimed, his voice booming through the apartment as he carried you bridal style and took you out to the car. “Uhh, where would you like to give birth, y/n? Asgard, or- or here on Midgard?”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS, THOR? ASGARD?! WHAT, DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GIVE BIRTH ON THE RAINBOW BRIDGE?! I- NO! HERE! I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE BIRTH HERE!”

“Right, of course.”

Loki

You were not expecting your water to break right now. But to be fair, nobody knows when to expect it.

You were having a casual conversation with Loki when it happened. *sigh* 

“Loki, I really don’t see the point in having a statue of yourself built in the backyard. A bit narcissistic, don’t you think?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at him. Loki raised his chin up a bit with a smirk as he continued listing all the reasons why building a “small” 16 foot statue of himself in the center of your already perfect backyard was totally necessary and completely reasonable.

“Well darling, when you’re someone like me, it’s perfectly reasonable to have a statue built in your honor to appreciate your beauty and grace and to.. accentuate the divine-

*splat*

“-dear god, what was that.” Loki asked, horror masking his features as he stared at the thing that just fell out of your hooha. You looked down to see it too and you gasped, feeling nervousness form in the pit of your stomach. You were a week early. “Oh dear. Are you alright?” He asked again, still keeping his distance. “That was.... concerning...?” He continued to ask pointless questions while you sighed, annoyed, grabbing a paper towel and cleaning the spot on the floor. 

“You’re not helping, Loki. This is your child too. Takes 2 to tango.” You reminded. Loki raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Wait, that was our child? That thing you just wiped up?” He asked, looking horrified at the thought of that possibly being his kid. You dropped your shoulders as you turned to look at him with a dead-eyed look. 

“Are you serious, Loki?” You asked, your eyes narrowed and lips turned in a disappointing frown. Loki raised his hands defensively and raised his eyebrows. 

“Is it? I’ll be here either way, but, just asking.” He shrugged. You stared at him for a full 20 seconds before shaking your head and walking past him. 

“I’ll drive myself to the hospital..” 

Scott

You don’t know how Maggie managed to give birth smoothly with Scott there. You would say you felt bad for her but now you were going through the same exact thing. You would think since Scott already had a daughter, he’d be more experienced and ready for situations like these.

Nope.

You were fixing your hair at the bathroom sink when it happened. You gasped and immediately wobbled out to the kitchen to tell Scott.

“Scott! The baby’s coming!” You yelled as you ran into the kitchen. Scott turned around from the pantry with wide eyes and a cereal box in his hand.

“...what?” He sounded so out of it. 

“The baby! She’s coming! My water broke!” You explained again, waiting for him to act fast and take you to the hospital like you deserved. Instead, you saw his eyes roll back as he fell backwards on the floor, fainting. Cocoa Puffs flying out of the box and into the air. You looked at his place on the ground in shock, your eyes wide and brows furrowed. “Scott?!”

Knocked out. 

You scoffed. “Really Scott?! Really?! This moment is supposed to be about me! And you’re the one who faints? Scott!!” You push on his shoulder to wake him up. You couldn’t believe him right now. When you need him at his best, he just dips from life.

 You groan in annoyance and grab a cup of cold water from the fridge and walk back to him. “Damn it Scott, WAKE UP!” You yell, throwing the water in his face. He immediately wakes up with a gasp and looks around in panic. 

“What! What happened? What’d I miss?” 

“My birth, Idiot! Or you will miss it if you don’t stop fainting!” You growled, helping him up. 

“Oh god, I’m not ready. phewww.” He sighs, playing with his hands nervously. 

“Oh, having second thoughts???” You ask sarcastically, raising your eyebrows at him. He stares at you for a moment, studying your features to see what he should say next that won’t get him a smack on the head. 

“Are you being sarcastic? I feel like you’re being sarcastic.” 

I’m gonna kill this man. “Just get me to the hospital, Scott.” 

“What do you think of the name Ant-tony?”

“Scott... I know you’re not thinking of naming our child after your pet ant.” 

[hvlly-blog]

- ̗̀ ❛ muse 22 , kim chungha , she / her . ❜ ̖́- did you hear about the monaco trip ? it’s legendary at ucla. holland “holly” min is going, i’m so jealous. their instagram makes it seem like they’re pretty vivacious and they’re all about an empty locket around a delicate neck  &  strawberry flavored lip gloss. can you believe they’re only twenty-one and they’re going on a free trip to monaco for the summer ? hopefully they don’t let their quixotic side show too much on the trip. 

hello… im xan ( she / her pronouns ) im 21 and its been...200 years since i’ve made an intro post or rped so JSDBJW go easy on me ! fun fact half my keyboard is broken…..so if i take 10 yrs to reply sometimes just kno….a bitch is trying her best ok... literally just winging all of this as i type if u thought i had a plan think again JSDBWB *jungkook vc* lets get it....

pause . before we get it JDBWJDJ we can plot here over ims if discord isnt ur scene !! BUT i am....way more likely to respond to discord messages bc its easier !! so u can find me on there @  A GIRL WITH LUV 💖✨🌙#8172 

idk what is triggering for any of u so if mentions of AGE GAPS, DRUG ABUSE, CAR ACCIDENTS, or SEX ADDICTIONS is sensitive stuff pls proceed with caution !!!

BACKSTORY: so . this is holland but she thinks her name is UGLY so she goes by holly 

she was born and raised in los angeles and her parents both own / run a luxury chain of rehab centers for ppl with $$$ ( u already know i want a plot involving this xx ) they are new money ! so holly really does not understand ... the spoiled lifestyle since her parents raised her pretty conciously on stories abt how they struggled as immigrants coming to a new country & making it & all that jazz

as a kid her parents would host / try to charm a lot of potential donors or clients so they’d make holly “entertain” them like as a kid she’d just be cute or maybe sing a song from chorus or just be impressively well-behaved but the older she got...the more her mom would demand from her /:

as all this was going on her parents started to have issues so instead of working it out.... holly’s dad just started traveling a whole lot to other states & countries where they had a business so growing up he wasn’t really in the picture . rip !

back to holly ! so her mom had a few close business partners and “friends” that where around holly’s family pretty much all the time and there was this one guy who was relatively younger than most of the men but still significantly older than 14 year old holly who had a huge crush. basically this man tried to take advantage of that bc hes UGLY .

one day holly’s mom caught this dude alone with holly and being way too friendly for comfort and instead of flipping on the dude she flipped on holly and was like we could lose our business and i think it’s all ur fault for causing drama” and holly was literally like What the Fuck !!! her mom cut off all ties with the dude but she still made holly feel like it was her own fault woo !!

more stuff her mom did ? yea ! one night when she was 17 she was out with this guy who had celebrity parents just eating at a nice place and drinking after and as he was driving her home, they get into a big car accident. turns out that the guy she had gone to dinner with had a coke addiction & was literally high the whole time & the only reason holly’s mom had set them up was so he’d check into their rehab center bc his famous parents were considering it but she never told holly any of that so holly was PISSED but relatively unharmed from the accident besides some bruising

basically by the time college came a bitch was ready she moved out, trying to have a fresh start away from her home life ! but college was also messy basically over the years holly developed a big dependency issue where she literally...craves attention and intimacy sososo bad bc she never got it from her family so ! she looks for it in other ppl like she needs to feel that validation so bad & she does that with really unhealthy sexual habits low key bordering addiction ! 

oh also ? since her family was never the family vacation type JSBDWJBDJ she’s never left california before so a bitch is VERY excited and if u try to make her feel bad for it . she will tell u to fuck off and let her have this !

PERSONALITY + TIDBITS: honestly one of the most sociable ppl u will ever meet she was literally raised to entertain and please so its super easy for her to make friends !! literally one of those ppl that just.....know everyone and ur like how the fuck !!! an avid social media user...are u even friends if u dont have a snap streak ? not to holly JSBDJWBDJ definitely her guilty pleasure aside from u know...sex ! 

speaking of sex she really.....ho(e)lly gets around ... 100% a chaotic bi but her trust for men is abt at a solid 0 ! she will still desperately seek validation from them though so thats fun ! she can be a gossip bc shes a gemini ... but she never does it on purpose she just ... tells funny stories & realizes half way through she was talking abt a friend’s tinder date horror story ... oops ... share secrets cautiously ! 

for someone who makes friends like its nothing shes pretty hesitant to share any real info abt herself bc she fears being rejected and abandoned ( not just romantically ) more than anything else like shes one of those ppl who ur like “oh yeah i know her!” but if someone asks u to tell them one important thing abt her ur not gonna know wtf to say

also she’s usually very amiable but if ur just .... a horrible person .. shes gonna be honest about it SDBSJWB shes got some strong opinions ! but also very unrealistic expectations in others so a lot of the time shes just ... disappointing herself for hyping u up inside her own head

she was an english major ! bc i love to self insert <3 JSDBJWBJ but she low key wishes she did something with film bc she loves editing videos & making videos abt her friends so if ur her pal ... u 100% have abt 50 videos ur a star in ! she tried to learned to speak french 100% for the aesthetic of it but only remembers like 5 words….she used to play the fucking ukulele but stopped bc her mom was like holly grow UP JSBDSJBJW shes scared of the dark /: like legit scared if she is sleeping alone a light has to stay on....and yea i dont know what else this is long enough JSDBJSWBJW IM SORRY

im out of ... juice UHHH but some basic ideas for plots are stuff to do with her family ( family friends, maybe ur muse or their family is somehow involved with her parent’s rehab center, or ur muse or their family could have been one of those business partners...whew we have possibilities !!! ), shes an only child so i would die for sibling type friendships, hmm also fwbs or just hook up connections bc those can get uhh Dramatic since she is so dependent on sex, also would die for like confidants bc thats rare for holly like sharing her deep feelings or whatever ... enemy plots are sexy but im gonna be real honest here . i suck at purely hateful connections so if u want a mean plot we gotta have depth ! JSXBDSJDB um romatic stuff too also more platonic stuff like best friends or party buddies thats literally enough i’ve been typing for HOURS . plot with me .. or Perish xx

[bright-hao]

soft bias tag

okay, its been ages since i did a tag on here!! but my hermanita @hocidi(or hijita now? since you call me mom?) tagged me to do this soft bias tag!

my ult is still minghao, but bc most of this is romantic stuff(and i dont really have a lot of romantic feelings for hao) i’m gonna do my other best boy, seungkwan 

Who is your bias: Boo Seungkwan of Seventeen

What made you notice them: I always loved seungkwan, its so funny cause at first i used to be like “oh i wish seungkwan was my twin” and as time went on it was like “yes, seungkwan and i would be best friends we’d be a killer duo” but like...by the time boom boom era came around and he dyed his hair blond the first time? fuck dude, i knew i was in love. very specifically there’s one photo (here) that always comes to mind when i think about first falling head first for him, and well. now he’s my guy.

what’s your favorite thing about them: boy, everything! physically, i love his cheekbones/jaw combo, people really dont pay enough attention to his bone structure. and personality wise, i love his ability to just talk and command all the attention in a room if he wants to,especially because it’s not in a scary, authoritative way, and i feel it makes people comfortable while they also respect him and hold him in high esteem bc of it. I personally have a close relationship with words, so to see the abilities he has with just his everyday speech is...spectacular

who would initiate skinship more: i think both of us, but in different ways? i feel like i would initiate a lot of smaller touches, just so we can be in constant contact, and also id probably spend a lot of time thinking about something before i do it, but i feel like seungkwan would be like hey! let’s hug, and we’d...hug. he’d probably initiate bigger things, like hugging and hand holding, and it’d be more spontaneous for him.

who would hog the blankets more:  i don’t really feel cold easily and tend to get warmer as the night goes on, so what might really happen is seungkwan will often wake up buried under all the blankets because i pushed them over to his side in the middle of the night

who would be more clingy:   earlier on, it would be him, bc i dont let myself get overly attached to people, but maybe if we spend years together and i get used to him/his constant presence in my life, things might change

who would say I love you first:  oooohhh this one’s tricky. if i feel like he’s still sorting through his feelings and commitments, i’ll wait for him to say it first, but if i feel sure about him and where his heart is at, i’ll say it as soon as possible. possibly way earlier than most people would. it’s not a big deal to me when the words drop(bc it’s really not about words anyway for me, its about proving it with your actions, and if he loves me i should know even without him saying it), but if it is for him then i guess i’d wait til he felt right about it. granted, i think the more open you are to begin with the faster seungkwan himself would open up, so maybe it’ll just be a toss up bc we’ll both already be on the same page.

who would be more easily flustered: i’m a confident gay, so like, it would definitely be me making him flustered as much as i can for fun.

What cuddling position would you two have: okay, so here’s what i’m thinking: he’s mostly on his back, however he’s comfy, and i’m curled up at his side with one leg thrown over him and he has one arm around/under me, and my head is either next to his on the pillow or on his shoulder (like this). we can reverse the positions too we’re flexible

which colors remind you of them and why:  sunset colours!! i often call him my sunset boy, so sunset colours, and very specifically all shades of orange, make me think of him. they’re just...warm and sweet but also fiesty and bold colours which is...him in print.

which season would you like to spend with them: uhhh all of them for the rest of my life? Idk, I feel stupid answering this since I live in a tropical country but...mm, maybe the time period where it's not quite spring yet but it's not really winter anymore...like, imagine going on a road trip and you get to see the landscape change from white and snowy to bare for a little while and then everything blooms. gorgeous. i wanna do that with him. or maybe the summer season in the arctic where it’s light out 24 hours a day. or just mango season here in trinidad

who would bake cookies and who would steal the batter: seungkwan would probably make the decision for us to bake cookies together bc it’ll be a fun bonding experience or whatever, but he doesnt really know what he’s doing, so i have to give him all the instructions and explain everything to him, and then i let him struggle with all the dirty work and look on and occasionally snatch bits of the dough to ‘make sure it’s coming out right’

which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react: i dont really do puns, so it’ll have to be him. he probably spends all his alone time trying to come up with them. over text, he might get a eye roll emoji or a ‘why are you like this’, in person i’d probably just ignore it completely and continue the conversation like it never happened. (which might make him pouty, but pouty seungkwan is adorable, so either way i win)

which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a poptart and who come to the rescue: i’m brown and poor poptarts have never been a thing in my house, so i suppose it’ll be me who screws up. wake up in the middle of the night hungry so i sneak into the kitchen as quiet as possible, not even turning on any lights, put the thing in the microwave for way longer than its supposed to be. when it explodes seungkwan runs outside half asleep bc he wants to know who got shot. he cleans the mess bc he loves me and tells me to leave the pop tart prep to him in the future. 

who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back: it would be me, adrenaline junkie and lover of risks and high places, leaning over the railing of a tall building like ‘omg, i could jump right now it would be like flying’ seungkwan would drag me away and probably sit me down and lecture me about it too

what would you watching a horror film with them be like: i would never watch a horror movie, lol. next question.

who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt: i think we could both be cheesy when we wanted to, but maybe more him than me since he’s the king of cheese. flirting is one of my favourite pastimes, so i’d probably be a decently smooth flirt. as earlier mentioned, my greatest joy would be seeing him flustered and at a loss for words bc of just how smooth i am 

who is more competitive: oh we are BOTH very competitive, it’s super fun when we’re playing a game or a sport and we’re on the same side and trying to crush the opponents, but i think we try to get on opposite teams bc its ten times more fun to try and beat each other. like just the thought of being better at him at something is already exhilarating to me ;;;)))))))

who would have to be given constant reminders: for tasks that are hard/uninteresting, i’ll have to have him remind me cause i’ll find 500 things that are more interesting to distract me when i just need to suck it up and get the thing done, and i’ll need the nudge. when it comes to just forgetting, i’ll probably have to remind him bc it totally slipped his mind.

who sends memes and who sends cute I miss you text at 3 am: he definitely sends the memes, im way too lazy to save them on my phone and then have to go looking for one that’s appropriate, that’s a lot of work. i’m happy to receive them though. and uhh...i wouldn’t send anyone a text like that at 3am and i wouldn’t like to receive one either, and i would tell him that. emotions get weird and warped at that hour, and i dont trust them on a regular basis, much less at 3 o’clock in the morning. i say, hold it in for now and if you still feel the same at 10am? then you go ahead and tell me you miss me. BUT if i get a message at 10am from seungkwan saying he misses me/loves me/is thinking of me? i would be on a cloud for the entire day.

this was really fun! my heart is warrrrrrrrrmmmm and ive been in soft stan mode for the past two days cause of it. so now i’m gonna tag @woozifi @minigum @mvpgyu @pabospoiler @seonyein @szrw @witchzi @yookik have fun friends!

[catsanddcashews]

ok y’all i know all 2 of you have been waiting for my awful date story so here it is:

so i was talking to a guy on tinder (just like, since the night before) and he was from germany and was coming to the UK for the weekend for some like music and paint event or something on saturday. so he landed on friday and we had been talking on thursday night to friday, and friday morning he asked if i had plans that night and i said no because i didnt. and he was staying in a hostel in my city and said there was a bar crawl going on that started at his hostel and stuff and asked if i would be interested in that. and i said yeah duh cause i love bar crawls haha. so he asked if he should sign us up and i said oh definitely! and he said ok great i’ll see you then! and i said ok cool, and i asked him if there was any dress code but he didnt answer me, but whatever, i was gunna see him in a couple hours so no worries. so the crawl started at 9 pm at his hostel and so i walked over and got there at 9:02 and waited outside cause i hate going inside just in case things are weird or i get stood up (i had actually been just thinking that night, wow i have never been stood up before on a date! and then karma was like hahaha bitch shut up) so i text him and say im here… no answer. ok fine, it’s like 5 past 9. i wait like another 8 minutes and then decide to give him a call just in case he didnt hear his phone or something. no answer. nothing. ok, a little weird since we had both decided definitely on 9 and here we are at like 9:15 and hes not checking his phone to see where i am? so i wait a few more minutes and then all of a sudden i see this guy and girl round the corner, like stumbling over together. they makeout for like 5 seconds and then keep walking towards me and the hostel. with complete horror i realize as the guy gets closer that this is my fucking date. so he gets to the doors of the hostel and pauses and goes “wait, i have a text?” and then grabs his phone, reads the text, while suddenly realizing im right there waiting for him. so he looks at me and goes “oh! you came” i was like wtf???? why wouldnt i? we had plans!!!!!!! and so i was like who is she? and he goes oh thats cynthia! i just met her 45 minutes ago. i was like ummm are you like with her? and hes like no i just met her an hour ago! im like ok you dumbass you know thats not what i mean. so im def weirded out at this point and im like um im pretty sure i just saw you guys kiss. and hes like well yes… and im like ??!?!??!!? so then we get to the hostel counter and my date is trying to figure out the ticket situation for the crawl. and he says to the guy that he bought two tickets (obviously for me and him, when we had decided this earlier in the day). so then my date goes yes i bought tickets for me and for her (cynthia) and the guy at the counter is like uhh no you didnt and the girl is like uhh no you didnt i just met you. and my date turns around, seemingly just remembering that i was there and was his original date, and points at me and goes “ohhhh! no, it’s HER” i was like you have got to be fucking ,kidding me right now. so i told him this situation was super weird and uncomfortable and he was like trying to explain that cynthia “wasnt my adversary” and that he was only here for the weekend and i was like i dont care if you just met her and youre only here for the weekend, we had plans and you brought a new girl and seemed surprised that i even came, so you basically picked up some other chick as a back-up plan. so then i went to the bathroom to call my friends and make sure i wasnt freaking out without cause, and they all agreed i should get the hell out of there. so then he passes me on his way to the bathroom and just goes “oh hi!” like wtf. so i use that as my exit and just leave. and i go to my friends house and we have a grand night drinking wine and watching lala land. but because of my petty nature i just had to text him. so i sent him a last message on tinder that said “hope you had a great time on our bar crawl with cynthia!!!! and learned a lot about australia!!!” (she was from australia and he had said that he was excited to meet me and learn about america so fuck you julian) so that was my date from hell. i was only there for like 10 minutes and left without saying anything to him hahaha 

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 26

THE 04/14/17 UPDATE

OH BOY HOW DO I WORK THIS DOODAD AGAIN BOY HOWDY I SURE FORGOT ABOUT TUMBLR FOR THE LONGEST FUCKING TIME

Whatever Alright so, I really don’t care enough to try and remind myself of what was going on during the last update so I’m just gonna get started on this one and hope for the best.

Alright so I kinda remember. Aranea just explained a ton of stuffs.

And Vriska isn’t pleased by it.

VRISKA: W8. VRISKA: So... what are you saying exactly? ARANEA: I thought I was fairly clear, 8ut I understand if this inform8tion is too jarring for you to a8sor8. ARANEA: It means that if nothing is done, everything that we know will cease to 8e. VRISKA: ... Everything. Really. ARANEA: Yes, Vriska. Everything. Every ghost. Every horrorterror. Every dream 8u88le, session, and universe. ARANEA: It will all eventually fall into The Pocket and 8e lost. ARANEA: Of course, this ensures that there is no point in time or space to which Lord English can escape. ARANEA: 8ut then again, the same goes for us.

Oh. Well shit. Apparently I was right.

They better get the fuck to work.

VRISKA: ........ ARANEA: If it is any consol8tion, from the perspective of any universes currently nestled inside of Skaia, this is 8usiness as usual. All universe die, and from the moment of the Vast Croak, they contain every instance of that universe and all of their histories at once. The residents of any given iter8tion have no real way of perceiving anything that occurs in this 8roader scope. They are free to live their mortal lives as they would have otherwise. ARANEA: As they say, ignorance is 8liss--a 8lessing that those of us among the dead cannot afford. 8ut the consequences of what we manage to accomplish will reach 8eyond such individual concerns and matter a gr8 deal to the masses yet to even 8e 8orn.

So, as I said.

They better get the fuck to work.

How do you even stop a black hole though? I mean, there’s like real world theories and shit but fuck real world. I already have sort of a theory. If they use The Tumor. Or, a tumor. I forget if that was a beta kids exclusive though, so really who knows if that’s even possible. But supposedly, the tumor has the capability to destroy the sun, so maybe if they could get some other tumor it could destroy the hole.

Why is everybody bein so J U Dgy. Fuck, just LOOK at Kankri back there. So hateful.

ARANEA: I did everything I could to prevent The Pocket from forming. ARANEA: In fact, I spent considera8le time and effort seeking out the Lost Cheru8 for myself. I planned to attempt reasoning with her, to convince her there must 8e some other way. 8ut she was far too elusive, and no doubt too dedic8ed to her cause to have listened if I HAD found her. ARANEA: So in the end, I failed, just as you did. I’m not too proud to admit that.

Well yeah, there was nothing you could ever do to prevent the worst thing possible from happening, that’s sort of a running theme in homestuck. You just kinda gotta. Find a loophole around the consequences.

Pf i forgot about double eyepatch sollux

Also, Wow Feferi sure is sad

ARADIA: i dont know about calling it a failure ARADIA: its just like you said isnt it? ARADIA: this was always bound to happen ARADIA: as i see it this is simply the story reaching its natural conclusion ARADIA: honestly im kind of excited! ARADIA: i had a hunch that this is how everything would end ARADIA: though the added context definitely makes it a lot more interesting

Goddammit Aradia pls take this seriously

FEFERI: So T)(IS is w)(at the )(orrorterrors meant. 38( FEFERI: T)(ey )(ave been w)(ispering about T)(-E -END for quite a w)(ale now. FEFERI: I t)(oug)(t t)(ey must )(ave been talking about Lord -Englis)( ripping t)(em and t)(eir bubbles apart! FEFERI: But t)(is makes muc)( more sense. FEFERI: It’s so )(ard to )(ear t)(eir sad little glubs now! FEFERI: Soon I t)(ink t)(ey will go quiet for good. 38(((

Oh. Well. I guess that’s bad. Yeah, the horror terrors dying is definitely a bad thing. God every time I take a break from liveblogging I lose so much context.

ARADIA: really? then whatever they have to say right now must be important! FEFERI: RIG)(T?! FEFERI: I am trying to listen carefully, but I must be )(earing t)(em wrong! FEFERI: T)(ere was SOM-ET)(ING about... a door?

Well you have a house. Maybe a door’s gonna pop up soon.

SOLLUX: man i’m glad i’m n0t the 0ne hearing v0ices, for 0nce.

I really just love the sassy stance Meenah’s got over there.

ARANEA: Are you sure that’s what they said? ARANEA: A door? FEFERI: Um well it sure did SOUND like t)(at, but t)(at doesn’t make any sense! Does it? ARANEA: What else did they have to say a8out this door? FEFERI: Glub! Not)(ing I can make out yet, sorry! FEFERI: Just... T)(-E DOOR.

Well. HUHM. I dunno, they’re building this up quite a bunch, so I doubt it’s just gonna pop up and they’re gonna walk through it.

OOH! MAybe they can like, seal the black hole in the house Or something

I don’t know

FEFERI: I can keep listening if it’s important. ARANEA: Yes, please do. It is vitally important. ARANEA: That door is likely our 8est 8et at circumventing our current plight! MEENAH: wait MEENAH: a door MEENAH: they couldnt b talkin about the door that showed up on the weaprawn i mean weapon

I mean that seemed obvious to me

MEENAH: right? ARANEA: Actually, I 8elieve that is exactly what they are talking a8out. MEENAH: how the fuck would a DOOR save our asses exactly ARANEA: It’s not a8out the door. It’s a8out what’s 8EHIND the door. ARANEA: If I am right a8out the nature of the juju, then that door could very well lead to another realm entirely, one completely 8eyond the reach of the ever-expanding Pocket. ARANEA: It is the key to everything--the only logical next step to t8ke! ARANEA: Everything is slotting into pl8ce!

Oh boy. Well this should be interesting. I don’t exactly know how that’s gonna stop the pocket but hey we’ll see.

MEENAH: uh... MEENAH: youre losin me serks ARANEA: THINK, Meenah. The story isn’t over yet! ARANEA: The Lost Cheru8 has done her part. We have done ours in activ8ing the weapon. ARANEA: 8ut what of the warriors? The challengers Lord English trapped inside his juju? Where do they come in? MEENAH: uh?? ARANEA: They are through that door! Them and the higher plane they have 8een trapped within for eons! ARANEA: The warriors could 8e w8ing for us to find and free them so they might do their work in repairing the damage the Lost Cheru8 has done. ARANEA: After residing in what could well 8e a macrocosm of infin8 power, surely they have the means to accomplish anything! ARANEA: What could WE accomplish 8y going there ourselves? MEENAH: uhh??? ARANEA: If nothing else, the juju is the only way we can escape the destruction of reality itself! ARANEA: It is the only path to take that leads somewhere ELSE! MEENAH: arane--

It’s probably true. Probably. I dunno. I mean, I’m really curious to just see what’s behind this door already.

oh fuck

What did le do

MEENAH: what the anglin fuck?! ARANEA: It’s already 8egun. ARANEA: Lord English is as aware as I am of the juju’s potential. 8ut it seems his 8est course of action is to aimlessly attack it. Perhaps a 8yproduct of how unsta8le he has 8ecome.

Daddy Caliborn just needs to take a moment to chill. Enjoy a lil ice cream break maybe.

ARANEA: Instead of fleeing The Pocket, he will stu88ornly try to evade his f8 even while facing certain destruction. And 8arring that, he will do whatever it takes to take doom us all with him. ARANEA: He will not rest until the juju is destroyed. May8e he could even 8e attempting to enter it himself! Either way, we CANNOT allow him to take away our last hope!

So what’s the game plan? How do they plan on getting through there with Lord English goin all fuckin berzerk on this poor house.

 MEENAH: ... MEENAH: yeah MEENAH: sure

Have some faith, Meenah.

O h thats a face.

ARANEA: “Sure”? ARANEA: You sound anything 8ut. ARANEA: Don’t you agree with me?

Call me crazy but I don’t think she does.

MEENAH: i mean yeah i guess MEENAH: all this stuff youve been spouting sounds legit MEENAH: maybe ARANEA: May8e. ARANEA: So, you don’t trust me. Is that it? MEENAH: i dunno! MEENAH: i wanna believe you MEENAH: but somefin just smells fishy MEENAH: mostly cause youre gettin kinda MEENAH: weird

To be fair, she’s always acting weird. I think the most worrying part about her behavior is how excited she is to pull this plan off. I don’t really think she’s gonna try to pull off another suicide plan. Worst case scenario, she tries to steal the glory from Vriska.

ARANEA: Weird? ARANEA: Reality is on the verge of collapse, 8ut I’M 8eing WEIRD? ARANEA: Don’t you realize what’s at st8ke?! MEENAH: Y-EA)( i do MEENAH: im just thinkin maybe we otter clear our heads before we bellyflop into anyfin ok geez MEENAH: wait for angelfish over there to synergize with the horrorglubbers or whatever ARANEA: Do you think we have time for that? At any moment, we could 8e erased forever! ARANEA: Don’t you CARE a8out DYING, Meenah?! MEENAH: i...

Nope. She doesn’t. She’s made this clear in the past (Look who’s been doing their Homestuck rereading. It’s me.)

ARANEA: You used to be so dedic8d to staying alive that you were willing to 8low us all up as a last resort! ARANEA: I know that we are all technically living on 8orrowed time. I am AWARE that every moment we’ve spent with our consciousnesses intact was a gift none of us really deserved. ARANEA: 8ut I’m not DONE YET!! ARANEA: I want to continue to exist! Don’t you?! ARANEA: I’ve 8een here for so long, trying to make the 8est of our situation, reaching new heights in skill and understanding, and yet I still...! MEENAH: 38(

Sorry Aranea, but I’m pretty sure Meenah has stopped giving a shit a while ago. Spending a zillion years alive/dead in the dream bubbles would do that to you.

ARANEA: Don’t you want to MATTER, Meenah? Don’t you want all of this to have meant something?! ARANEA: The fact that we were here, that we existed! If everything that ever was and ever will 8e is just going to disappear, then none of it will have ever meant ANYTHING! ARANEA: So please, just trust me! ARANEA: What scheme could I possi8ly have up my sleeve that would 8e worse than the alternative? What more could any of us have to lose?! ARANEA: All you have to do is listen

Yeah- Aranea you’re desperate ramblings aren’t helping to make you seem more trustworthy. You kinda need to CHILL a bit.

Oh my god. Sad mopey Meenah might be one of the best things I’ve ever seen? I wanna feel bAD because I SHOULD feel bad but it’s just too fuNny to look at for some reason.

MEENAH: ... fine MEENAH: whats ur big plan

And she gives in. All sad about it too. Good job Aranea, you made someone who don’t give a shit about nothing sad. S m h.

Goddammit Aranea she finally gives you the chance to explain your plan and you instantly go back to appearing more dramatic than you’ve earned the right to be.

ARANEA: We need to find a way past Lord English. While it might 8e within our a8ilities to defeat him as he is now, it feels to me like too much of a gam8le when so much rides on our success. We can simply lure him away with a proper distraction and deal with him l8er.

Well he’s not known for his brains so that should be easier than it sounds.

ARANEA: Really, the most sensi8le course of action is for me to call 8ack the remainder of the army. ARANEA: Perhaps it would even 8e 8est if I took control of the entire oper8tion? Surely you agree we don’t have time for any more petty squa88les. So long as I have control of the majority of our attack force, it would simply 8e more efficient for me to 8e calling the shots. Time is of the essence, after all.

Fuck yoooouuuu.  But Yeah.  It probably would be smart if You did that. Ahem.

WElp thats the end of this fucking liveblog what a goddamn miracle its finALLY RELEASED NOW PRAISE ME LIKE THE MESSIAH WHOSE RETURN HAD BEEN FORETOLD IN LEGENDS DATING BACK TO BEFORE MAN

bye

[midnightliar]

the beautiful, luminous, inimitable @violaeade​ tagged me for 50 book questions!

1. What is your favourite book and/or book series of all time?

oh maybe everything leads to you by nina lacour! it just really gets to me

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages?

uhh idk what’s the longest harry potter book bc probably that? i dont... read books that long usually

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date)

ummm i think and then there were none by agatha christie? i dont keep track by time tbh but i dont read that many old books bc i tend to have trouble reading them

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not?

the raven cycle lol

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?

oh god most of them? 99% of the lesbian ones for sure. percy jackson would make an excellent animated movie series imo. i’m clearly biased but tasu/teota would be great on screen. 

6. What is your favourite stand-alone book?

most of the gay ones i read are standalones and theres so many good ones... i already said everything leads to you but we are okay and you know me well are also extremely good! of fire and stars killed me as well. 

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading?

god. straight ones? ones that i heard are racist or homo/lesbo/bi/transphobic, but in general i’m picky abt what i read bc i don’t read that many books.

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading?

i was gonna say i don’t feel guilty about not reading books i don’t like/don’t want to but that’s a lie- babe if ur reading this i am SO sorry i never finished the last chaos walking book

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth?

most of them lol that’s what i get for living in america. i read we are okay pretty recently which takes place in new york, the state i was born in, so that’s a bit more specific.

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of?

i have 2 copies of redwall for no reason other than my high school library was selling one for a dollar so i bought it even tho i had it already. i have a couple copies of some of the a wrinkle in time books bc i got some of them as gifts a bunch. 

11. What horror book made you really scared?

omg i don’t read horror but that one skulduggery pleasant short story about bubba moon or whatever freaked me the fuck out tbh

12. What book do you passionately hate?

um i haven’t read enough terrible books to say i hate them that passionately? but i rly kinda hated trc. oh yeah i read the first c*aptive pr*nce book in hs on the recommendation of a friend and it just made me so uncomfortable the entire time i really. did not have a good time with that one and i wish i hadn’t read it

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it?

skulduggery pleasant! theres 9 books plus short stories i still can’t believe i read all those

14. What book gives you happy memories?

aw sabrina answered this with the flywheel by erin gough and i have to say the same bc she sent it to me for my birthday, full of annotations of thoughts and jokes she made herself AND got it signed by the author, and i’ve uhhhh never felt so loved in my life

15. What book made you cry?

oh the book thief for sure. everything leads to you made me cry a bunch while rereading it even tho its not sad? thos were love tears. that happens a lot actually.

16. What book made you laugh?

skulduggery pleasant! there’s so many good lines in that one. my dad used to always hand me a book he’d just read and tell me to read a certain chapter he found hilarious but i never read the whole book but he always found hilarious memoirs too.

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character?

lmaoo like all the books i read are gay? the abyss surrounds us/the edge of the abyss have really unique lesbian characters because they’re so angry and vindictive and dumb and interesting and DRAMATIC so that one gets a shout out

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it?

what the fuck is that (ok i legit just finished reading when the moon was ours by anna marie mclemore tho bc my gf rec’d it and it was p good)

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it?

does fantasy count? bc then of fire and stars. uhh chaos walking is on a new planet. a wrinkle in time involves other planets too! wow i’m crushing this one

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?

the raven cycle lol i thought it was a finished trilogy when i started the first book so i just never read the last one and i am so relieved

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured?

not really? i don’t really feel pressure, i value recommendations from my girlfriend friends way more than things that are trending or popular. i’ve read a couple that i blindly picked from internet lists that i didn’t care for tho but that was really a while ago

22. What famous author have you not read any books by?

pretty much any author we were supposed to read in high school. any classic or even modern famous author i probably haven’t read. i’ve read like a dozen books ever

23. Who is your favourite author of all time?

tbh nina lacour is really up there. when i was really young it was definitely gail carson levine. i rly loved anne ursu’s books as well.

24. How many bookshelves do you own?

only one! and a bunch of boxes that i never unpacked after we moved like 3 years ago. my mom wants to put a big wall bookshelf in our house somewhere bc this one didn’t come with any like our last house did but who knows if that’ll happen.

25. How many books do you own?

are u trying to make me count?

26. What is your favourite non-fiction book?

ohhh i don’t read much of this genre. i always avoided it as a kid and i’ve been meaning to get into it more but i haven’t yet. i’m really looking forward to reading a sally ride biography tho

27. What is your favourite children’s/middle-grade book?

the chronus chronicles by anne ursu were my JAM in elementary/middle school omg. i also really loved the may bird series which i didn’t read until high school.

28. What is your next book on your TBR?

i’m about to start georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit finally! my gf bought me 10 things i can see from here and i love her so whenever that arrive i’m probably gonna devour that. i want to reread a wrinkle in time soon since the trailer comes out this weekend! plus a million others

29. What book are you currently reading?

i literally just finished when the moon was ours which felt like it took me ten years to read and i haven’t started another yet but it’ll be georgia peaches bc thats the other one i got from the library and i already had to renew them haha

30. What book are you planning on buying next?

um this old west lesbian novel called backwards to oregon! i’ve been craving westerns lately but as always i’m also craving gay content

31. What was the cheapest book you bought?

i used to buy a ton of old paperbacks, usually goofy looking sf or fantasy novels from library sales for dollars or quarters so definitely those.

32. What was the most expensive book you bought?

i can tell u the most expensive book i got for free was a beautiful bound collection of hg wells stories that i just got from some book at bea before it was bookcon lol

ones i actually paid for... do art books count??

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series?

nah i usually have no intention of reading the book if i watched the show/movie first

34. What is the newest book you have bought?

akdjghksjgh a lesbian western novella called from the boots up for a few bucks on kindle

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?

the rest of the gay books i’ve bought but haven’t read yet! not your sidekick and labyrinth lost, i’m VERY excited to reread a wrinkle in time and i also really want to read stone butch blues

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc)

crush by sr silcox has the cutest lesbian teen summer romance AND one them is secretly a rock star avoiding her fame bc her controlling dad was turning into HIS dream instead of HERS akdjghksdjgh its fantastic i adored it

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it?

oh no i’m dumb as hell

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born?

for some reason dave at night by gail carson levine popped into my head first? that was my favorite as a kid and i reread it all the time and i think it took place in the 20s or 30s with all that good good jazz shit

39. What book offended you?

hm not sure how to answer this one

40. What is the weirdest book you have read?

idk the may bird series was pretty weird. gone by michael grant? i read the first for a high school book club and i just could not get into it or understand it even a little

41. What is your favourite duology?

ditty the abyss surrounds us & the edge of the abyss !!

42. What is your favourite trilogy?

wow i really haven’t read that many trilogies esp ones i loved. i guess may bird or the chronus chronicles then!

43. What book did you buy because of its cover?

the maze runner! also bc i heard it was good but i hated that book so

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover?

honestly i can’t think of one rn

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?

nope! i also hated poetry as a kid and have only tried to get into it recently. i have a book of sappho’s fragments and i want to get tracy k smith from the library but thats about it

46. Do you own any colouring books based off other books?

nope

47. Do you own any historical fiction?

thats possible

48. What book made you angry?

the maze runner really did?? for some reason and i don’t get mad that much but it just really had me steamin. sabrina also said grasshopper jungle and i’m inclined to say same lmao. i haven’t read it but seeing all the lesbophobia in not otherwise specified recently made me really mad and also upset

49. What book has inspired you?

aw inspired is a serious word to throw around. the miseducation of cameron post, idk if it “inspired” me but it was my first lesbian novel and that really did a lot for me.

50. What book got you into reading?

i think it was a wrinkle in time! or maybe roald dahl books before that, but a wrinkle in time was definitely up there, and maybe the shadow thieves by anne ursu

i’m tagging @reading-takes-you-places and @mywomensworld and anyone who wants to! i don’t talk to many people here but if you follow me and want to, go for it!

[glass-ladybug]

proofreading & productivity whom??? i dont know her

Sunlight filtered through the window, and Mae woke up to screaming. The bathroom door was rattling loudly, footsteps pounding across the plastic linoleum, accompanied every few seconds by an ear-splitting shriek. In her drowsy state, Mae could only vaguely distinguish the jumble of words from the noise of the pouring shower. "Ah, shi... Damn it! I... Who... Why would you even..." Gregg burst from the bathroom, damp shirt thrown over his head, and a towel wrapped hastily around his waist. Water dripped steadily off him, and his blond hair stood up in wildly different directions, still drenched in shampoo. "Who the /hell/ screwed with the shower?!" He blurted, the water in the room still running. Mae didn't miss the tiny smirk playing at the corner of Bea's mouth. "Something happen?" Bea asked, bemusement overlaying any hint of concern in her voice. Holding up his hand, the soaked blond began rapidly ticking off the reasons he was standing in a puddle as the shower continued to run behind him. "Firstly, the water is ice cold. Seriously?!" He looked pointedly at Bea, whose calm expression didn't waver. "I mean, how much hot water do you need to brush your damn teeth?!" Gregg ground his teeth. "Secondly, it's /not shutting off/!" Sliding a few items back into his suitcase, Angus looked at his anxious boyfriend with an expression somewhere between pity and the dull exhaustion of someone who has been subjected to similar outbursts on multiple prior occasions. Gregg held up a final finger. "Thirdly, the shower door sticks! It /sticks/! You know what that means?" Mae shook her head in mute intrigue, silently wishing she could drift back into the world of dreams. "No," Bea said, with an air of mild interest, "But I'm sure you'll tell us." Entire body trembling, Gregg frowned, a crease forming on his normally unlined brow. "I was stuck in there, with freezing water, for like, five minutes!" Pursing her lips to prevent herself from outwardly showing just how much this entertained her, Bea's shoulders shook from the effort of penning up her laughter. "The absolute /horror/." Gregg turned on his heel with an indignant yell and re-entered the bathroom, making sure the door slammed with a bang behind him. Angus unplugged his laptop from the wall. "He's mad that he had to get up at 6:30." Mae flopped over to the nightstand, groaning as she saw '7:10' blinking on the screen of the cheap plastic clock. Great. She'd made them wait for her. Dragging a brush through the tangles of her curls, Bea looked over at Mae, who was sprawled completely across the bed, covers and sheets crumpled around her as if in a cocoon. "Morning." She muttered, face smothered in her too-soft hotel pillow. Blearily, Mae sat up, removing the dust from her eye with her fingernail. She stretched out, leaning forwards just enough to meet Bea's brown eyes with an apologetic smile. "Oh, geez. Did I kick you out of bed?" "Eh. Sort of. I got up early anyways. Breakfast is on the table." A glint entered her eyes, and she stopped mid-stroke to smirk at her friend. "You know you drool in your sleep, right?" "Do not!" Mae yelled, resisting the urge to bury her head beneath the comforter. Oh, hey, that was something ostriches did! Nice. Mae always wanted to be a bird of prey. Wait, were ostriches birds of prey? What about emus? Emus were cool. In the Great Emu War, Australia- Bea tossed her hairbrush at Mae, interrupting her day dreaming. "Run a brush through your hair. You need it." Gee, thanks, Bea. Real champ when it came to encouragement. Thankfully for her fragile self-confidence, Mae was well aware her apathetic friend was just expressing concern. Even if it was a little harsh. She deftly caught the plastic object, raking it through her hair. Her dark hair, although short, could still get remarkably knotted. Yanking it through the matted snarls, Mae gradually pulled herself off the welcoming mattress, not bothering to make the bed behind her. Of course, Angus's bed was immaculate, covers neatly folded over, and the pillows arranged nicely. He'd probably even thrown away their complementary styrofoam cups, too. Neat freak. Gregg chose that moment to re-enter the room, albeit much quieter this time. He'd made an effort to look nice, putting on a clean t-shirt and jeans, adorned with his ever-present leather jacket. Sure, the shirt had several dark spots where it'd been splashed with water, but hey, he wasn't screaming any more, so so Mae counted that as a definite plus. Gregg shoved his hands into his pockets, waiting for Mae to finish her slightly chilled fast-food pancakes. She wondered who was thoughtful enough to get something for her. "If we wanna get on the road by 10, we should probably head out soon." He offered. Grabbing her keys from the scuffed end table, Bea slid on a light jacket while Angus hefted his suitcase at his side. "Ready?" Angus asked. "One second." Mae grabbed the thin, serrated plastic knife from the paper bag, twisting it over in her hands. She was overcome with the sudden thought that after they were gone there would be no sign they'd ever been there. Like they didn't even exist. "Uhh, Mae?" She flipped the knife over, end pointing down, and hid it beneath the table so her friends wouldn't see. It slid against the table, the tiny serrations grating over the wood with a faint 'shhhck'. Mae shoveled bits of pancakes into her mouth to avoid suspicion, her fingers gripping the plastic surface. /Shhhck./ She cleaned her mouth off with the paper napkins as her friends began sliding on their shoes. /Shhhck./ "Mae, we gotta go." Gregg said, picking at a loose thread on his shirt. "Yeah, one sec!" She insisted. /Shhhck./ The cuts on the table leg went left-right, left-right, a series of notches formed by her, only! An 'x' to mark a spot she'd been, leaving some indication she'd existed, no matter how small. She stood up, brushing crumbs to the floor. "Okay, yeah. Let's go." Mae exited the room, plastic knife still tucked away in her hand. ---------- Chicago was /gorgeous/. Mae had been stunned by Bright Harbor, but Chicago? No, Bright Harbor couldn't even dream of competing with a city of this stature. Silver skyscrapers loomed into the cloudless blue sky, towering above the bustling roads. Their metallic architecture, and the city's surreal movement gave Mae the feeling of an elaborate dream. For someone who'd never left her state before, (although Mae would wager people who had felt the same) the twists and turns of the city stole the breath from her throat, and her eyes were wide as she surveyed the throngs of people walking the streets. The car thudded over a pothole, and Bea gripped the leather steering wheel with an unsure hesitation, slowly navigating between the multitude of cars on their way to various tasks. A car rolled to their side, windows down, and Mae caught the bored expression on the passenger's face, his tie flapping in the wind. He looked utterly disinterested, and Mae wondered how you could get used to something that was always changing. Surely there was something new every day? A different experience, an interesting person to meet, a nee job to be done. Maybe that was why Possum Springs was becoming more desolate every day- How could someone possibly stay content in her stagnant little town when they were surrounded by a constantly altered world? Eventually, everyone would move forwards, and Possum Springs would be left in the dust. Gregg had already slung off his seatbelt, the upper half of his torso out of the window as he leaned forward, marveling at the vivacity and lively pace at which the city moved. Angus had rolled his window down as well, his face filled with more excitement then Mae had ever witnessed before, although he restrained himself from doing anything more than staring out at the throngs of people. They were good for each other. Mae had never seen someone who could hold Gregg steady for so long, and Bea had never met anyone that could make Angus open up. It made a tiny, jealous sliver of Mae's heart hurt just a little to see her best friend paying so much attention to someone else. But, they were happy. So Mae was happy too. Gregg began typing on his phone, his fingers gliding across the glossy screen. "So, where to first? We've got Millenium Park, Navy Pier, Shedd Aquarium... Hold on, lemme see what else." "The Museum of Science and Industry." Angus suggested, adjusting his glasses so that they sat on the bridge of his nose. Gregg perked up, thrilled his boyfriend was getting involved. "Yeah, okay dude! Let's go. That good with everyone else?" Bea and Mae hummed their affirmation. While science wasn't really her thing, science meant space, and space meant /rockets/. Plus, it'd make Angus happy. That was pretty good too. Bea pulled the red truck into a parking garage, squeezing them into a narrow gap. It smelled like gasoline and burnt rubber, but Mae was still practically bouncing with excitement. Gregg actually /was/ bouncing, his foot tapping so rapidly it seemed as if he were blurring. ((THERE'S STUFF MISSING HERE TOO IM NOT IN THE MOOD TO WRITE IT I JUST RLLY WANNA SEND THIS OUT I'LL DO THE REST LATER)) Bea lingered for a few seconds longer, hesitantly yanking her eyes away from the sheet. She pulled a pen from the crinkled pleather purse hanging at her side and jotted something in dark ink on her hand, walking to where Mae was beckoning. "Whatcha doing?" Mae inquired. Her friend shook her head. "Nothing important. Where's Angus?" Mae bounced to her next train of thought. "Oh, yeah! I bet he's looking at something... sciencey. Y'know, it's really sad that Pluto's not a planet anymore! Poor little guy. All alone in deep space." Mae waved her hands, pointing vaguely upwards. "Right. The lifeless rock. Very sad." Mae huffed, twisting dramatically away from her sarcastic companion. "It /is/ sad!" Bea's mouth tilted up at the corner. "Sure." A high-pitched voice called out to them, footsteps thudding along the carpet flooring. "I got space food!" Gregg shouted, dangling his packaged prize in front of them. He threw a distracted smile in their direction. "Angus wants to go see the IMAX movie playing, so I got snacks." Bea raised a single manicured eyebrow. "It's like a half hour long, do you really need-" "/Snacks/." Gregg insisted. They sped to the viewing theater, attracting several odd looks from patrons leisurely strolling the museum. A mother pulled her child to her waist, glaring at Mae as she raced through the exhibits, blowing past the ticketmaster seconds before the doors shut. ((i feel like there should be more here 2 connect it. thoughts?)) Mae craned her neck, leaning directly in the line of sight of the people behind her. Whoops. "I can't see /anything/." A voice behind her snapped a few choice words, clearly displeased that she was obstructing both his view, and the noise of the movie. The dome encircling the theater filled the dark room with pale light as various logos and messages were projected upon it. Sitting in the top row was apparently /not/ the best way to view the extensive screen, as Mae was squashed in her chair, attempting to get as flat as possible to be able to see the screen. Angus removed his thick rimmed glasses, slipping them into his pocket with care. It struck Mae that she'd never seen Angus without glasses before. "Why'd you take them off?" "I think it's big enough for me to see." He remarked dryly, staring up at the previews. Mae twisted around half in her seat, half laying across Bea's chest. Comfortable? No. Could she see? ...Also no. "Nice of you to stop by." Mae winked, adjusting her head so that it was laying on Bea's leg. Much better! Stars and planets moved across the screen in a quiet daze, the emptiness of space somehow soothing. The roar of a rocket burst through the speakers, and Mae would've catapulted out of her chair, if not for Bea's sweater-clad arm wrapping tightly around her waist. She looked up, giving an awkward smile to her friend. "Uh, thanks." ((POV SWITCH TO BEA HERE BUT HOW CAN I DO THAT WITHOUT A CHAPTER BREAK???? IDK. EDIT LATER)) ((yeah there's stuff missing its not a lot ill take care of it)) "I wanted to see the Cultural Center. It's got art and theater for free, and I'd rather not spend any more money than necessary. Was there anywhere you wanted to go?" "Shedd Aquarium?" Angus said hopefully, although he was well aware it wasn't Bea's ideal destination. Bea frowned, and checked her battered watch. "We don't have time for both. We can't-" Gregg entered the conversation, genially swinging his arm around Bea's shoulders. "We can go to the Cultural Center. You two," He pointed at Mae and Angus, "can go to Shedd Aquarium. Problem solved!" "No offense, but what interest could you possibly have in the Chicago Cultural Center?" Bea asked, apprehension creeping into her voice. Gregg removed his arm from its position around her, and groaned in false distress. "I'm hurt, Bea!" He paused. "But, you're right. Millennium Park is right next door." "Go figure." Of course he wasn't interested. Skateboards and graffiti had always entertained him far more than art. And, if Bea was remembering correctly, he didn't even show up to their elementary art class four out of five days. The fifth was when they got to create rather than paint. Mae and Gregg were joined at the hip at that age. Figuratively, through their platonic bond, and literally, through a mixture of glitter glue and spit. Angus exchanged a few words with Mae, and she nodded with acceptance. "/I/ don't have an ulterior motive. I just wanna see a shark." Well, at least she hadn't changed. ------- "Are you /sure/ I can just leave you?" Bea asked, hesitating on the marble steps of the institute. Gregg rolled his eyes, already walking away. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not a child!" /You certainly act like one./ Bea snidely remarked to herself. "Okay, go. Call me if you-" But Gregg was already gone, sprinting down the choppy sidewalks at breakneck pace. ------- The Cultural Center was /wonderful/. There were pieces of history from all around the globe, as well as theater and art! Journalism, writing, political commentary. It was all there- history, embalmed in time. She waited on the cold stone, absently checking her phone for a message, or some indication of his location, from Gregg. A flash of blond hair and black leather appeared next to her, scuttling up the steps. Bea sat up, beginning to descend the staircase. "Oh, good. You're back. So, Mae and Angus are-" She stopped abruptly as a gilnt caught her eye. She sucked in a gasp, her eyes widening. "You didn't." Gregg smiled devilishly, turning his head to offer her a better view. "I don't know what you're talking about." "Angus is going to /kill/ you." Bea murmured, voice dull from shock. "He's gonna have to deal with it!" Gregg preened. Not only had Gregg returned from the pier with a slice of half-eaten pizza, he'd come back with not one, but /two/ glittering rhinestone studs in his ears. "You don't like them?" Gregg frowned. "No, they're fine," Bea assured him. She noticed Gregg flipping his wallet in his hands, fiddling with the straps and buttons. "How much did it cost?" Gregg smiled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Uh, the piercing itself? Fifteen bucks. So that, plus the earrings, the kit, and the, uh, other earrings I bought..." He pondered for a moment. "Roughly $75?" Well. At least he had the sense to look ashamed. "Oh /God/." Bea muttered. Gregg flopped down onto the concrete curb, devouring the rest of his pizza. He didn't seem to care about the cars whizzing by, instead opting to stretch his feet out along the pavement. "He's not gonna be /that/ mad. Besides, I'm an adult! I can make decisions too." He pouted in a very un-adult way. "So, what? You're just gonna hide it from him forever?" "No! Well, yes- Maybe? I dunno!" Gregg huffed, struggling to make a decision. Bea sighed, and pulled her woolen hat off, tossing it to her friend. "This is a... gift." Gregg looked at her inquisitively. "For your ears, dumbass. So Angus doesn't see them." Gregg's blue eyes lit up, and a wild grin spread over his face. "Awww, thanks, Bea-Bea." "....Don't call me that." "Oh, so what?" Gregg snickered playfully. "Only Mae can call you that? Maybe I'll just tell-" "/Greggory Lee/, if you don't drop this subject /right now/-" "Alright, geez! Touchy, touchy." The blond tsked, yanking the black hat over his ears. "I don't know what you're insinuating." Bea protested. "Trust me, I know you're straight. I saw the way you looked at that boy at the counter." Bea felt heat rise on her face, and she opened her mouth to defend herself before Gregg cut her off. "Not that I really blame you, because /damn/! But, of course, I have eyes only for Angus." Gregg mock swooned, tossing his arm across his forehead. Bea held out a hand, helping Gregg to his feet. "Ready?" "Hell yeah! Let's go pull off a deception." Bea couldn't say she agreed, but she was willing to help him try. At any rate, it'd be interesting. The four met up again a tiny coffee shop nestled away into the elaborate architecture of the city, the panes of glass foggy in the early summer wind. The smell of cinnamon and bitter coffee beans wafted through the air, and Bea reveled in the atmosphere it gave off. "Is that Bea's hat?" Angus asked in greeting. "I got cold." Gregg shrugged, his head uncomfortably warm from the scratchy material. "...We're inside." "Low cold-tolerance?" Gregg suggested, palms up. Shaking his head in disbelief, Angus ran his fingers through his dark hair. "Okay. Sure. Fine." Bea raised an eyebrow at the boy next to her. "That's it?" She whispered. Gregg leaned into her shoulder, whispering in return. "No way. He's totally gonna make me take it off later." "Just take out the studs!" Bea hissed, the volume of her words picking up as she continued to talk. Gregg looked affronted. "I /can't/. The holes will close up!" A hand gripped both of their shoulders from behind, and Bea tensed up under the touch. "Man, you guys would make /awful/ spies." Mae grinned cheekily, slinking into a chair beside them. "So, whatcha talking about?" Making sure Angus was preoccupied with their food, Gregg pulled off the hat, revealing his disheveled hair, and the lustrous square rhinestones embedded in his ears. "/Damn/." Mae said, not bothering to lower her voice. She pointed at the plastic bag Gregg held, motioning for him to open it. Mae took a moment to laugh, scratching at her arm as Gregg showcased his new acquisitions. "Y'know, it's stupid, but I'm kinda jealous. I always hoped we'd get piercings, like, together. As a friendship thing?" Bea rolled her eyes. "Are you getting worked up over a friendship charm? Is that what you need to solidify your relationships?" Mae began to fire a response, but Gregg interjected. "Hey, we can go back? If you want?" "Nah, earrings aren't my style." "Then why would you-" "But, still! You could've invited me." Mae snapped petulantly. Sensing an oncoming debate, Bea spoke up. "If it matters that much to you, I'll buy you a snowglobe or something. Alright?" ((RAINBOW THIS IS FOR YOU: holy shit i could reword this so that it says " "If it matters that much to you, I'll buy you some jewelry before this is over. Alright?" and i could make it so that the jewelry is a ring and they get engaged at the end????? is that too rushed considering they're not even dating yet????? i dont know what r ur thoughts)) "Yeah, sure. Whatever." Mae said, ruffled. The immediate challenge may have been dodged, but it was apparent to Bea that Mae was upset over more than the earrings. Gregg sped up his leisurely walk, coming to rest next to Angus as they exited the shop with their drinks. Mae watched him walk away, her warm eyes tinged with bitterness. Not knowing how to handle the situation, Bea reached out with caution, her palm resting on her friend's shoulder in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. The shorter girl shrugged off her hand, and continued her brisk steps with a nasty look. Chicago seemed considerably more gray, despite the clear blue sky. The wind whipped Bea's dark hair around her face, and she pulled her jacket a little tighter across her shoulders. Although Gregg was animatedly demonstrating something to Angus, Bea couldn't help but feel that something was off. Mae was in a poor mood, and she had no reason to be. They were in /Chicago/! Maybe the science exhibits hadn't caught Mae's attention, but she'd had fun seeing marine life, and dashing around street corners, right? Mae scuffled with a loose chunk of concrete, the toe of her boot sending it careening under the wheel of a nearby car. Gregg turned around, his lips pursed as he examined his closest friend. "Dude, what the hell is going on?" The dark haired girl pointedly turned away, watching the steady stream of vehicles zipping down the streets. Well, if she was going to be childish, then /fine/. Not Bea's problem. She held a cigarette between her fingers, taking comfort in the thin wisp of smoke that curled into the cool air. The four descended into the oily parking garage, and set out for the road again. ((abrupt ending fix later))

[fluffyjae]

get to know me tag

I was tagged by @bapyesir​! thank you and also would you please look at your own blog it’s beautiful af. I’d also like to mention how much we have in common? we’re even reading the same book right now what???

RULES: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!

1: ARE YOU NAMED AFTER SOMEONE? I dont think so.

2: WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I was really close to crying this morning when I was listening to Daesung’s Shut Up. The last time I really cried, however, was like.. a week ago maybe?

3: DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I’ve come to peace with it hahah

4: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Not a big fan of lunch meat but probably pork

5: DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nope

6: IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Honestly no lol I’m a bad friend when I’m not pretending 

7: DO YOU USE SARCASM? Sarcasm is my passion 

8: DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9: WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Definitely no. no, no, no.

10: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CEREAL? the cinnamon ones

11: DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? i dont lol i’m lazy

12: DO YOU THING YOU’RE A STRONG PERSON? i’m trying to be but i feel like it backfires a lot

13: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? vanilla, chocolate, apple, lemon

14: WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their hairstyle 

15: RED OR PINK? not really liking both of them but if i had to choose it’d would be pastel pink

16: WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE PHYSICAL THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? my face’s profile  

17: WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING NOW? who wears shoes inside their house.... black sweatpants here!

18: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? an apple~

19: WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Years by Chen and Alesso, 10/10 would recommend if you like EDM

20: IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? sky blue 

21: FAVORITE SMELL? idk? lavender?? my crush’s individual smell???

22: WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? my father

23: FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? oh my god i don’t watch any sport at all, maybe like.. skiing? 

24: HAIR COLOR? goldenish brown in the summer, dark brown in the winter

25: EYE COLOR? green

26: DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope

27: FAVORITE FOOD TO EAT? I really love potato croquettes at the moment oh god i could marry them

28: SCARY MOVIES OR COMEDY? comedy, I really cant watch horror movies

29: LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? i have no idea, it’s been too long 

30: WHAT COLOR OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? black, as expected

31: SUMMER OR WINTER? i love spring man sorry

32: HUGS OR KISSES? not really a fan of physical affection but it depends on the mood

33: WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? Hollow City by Ransom Riggs

34: WHO DO YOU MISS RIGHT NOW? Yongguk, my best friend, my crush

35: WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don’t have one, I use laptops~

36: WHAT IS THE LAST TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED? BBC’s Sherlock, One Fine Day with VIXX lol

37: WHAT IS THE BEST SOUND? the gentle breathing of the person you like (when asleep)

38: ROLLING STONES OR THE BEATLES? uhh rolling stones?

39: WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE EVER TRAVELED? Bulgaria 

40: DO YOU GAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can wiggle my ears lol

41: WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Germany

42: PEOPLE YOU EXPECT TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS SURVEY?  I’m tagging @bbangception @daehyunny @daehyuns-leggings @kitty-dae @asvang @darlingkihyun @soooldout @vanillajae @bangxster @strongchanpion and everyone else who wants to do this. Don’t feel pressured to.

[shysheeptrash-blog]

N: I tried making these digital prints. Like I printed them on the wrong side of photo paper. Then I just stuck them in a frame. I mean you can still sort of see the image but something/ something/ happened.

B: I feel like I remember seeing these, maybe not these exact ones, But now the frames killed them like I think there was one of one of Sarah.

N: Yeah Yeah

B: but something happened

N: almost looks like snow or something.

B: or like celluloid burning or something.

N: and its progressive too. This is one of like Mia thompson. From back to the future. I just downloaded a whole series of photos of her as a like tenneager. Like she had done some modelling or something

B: hmm though is that an eye

N: No its a mouth dripping with milk see because the ink pooled in weird ways.

B: is that a body

N: Yeah

B: Is that your body

N: Yeah

B: Are you naked.

N: Yeah

B: And that's a palm tree haha

B: I kinda like it.. Its like a fridge science experiment.

N: There are actually a fair amount of writers in detroit actually.

B: well that stands to reason. Cost of living is reasonable. I feel like it'd be a good place to write a novel or a poetry book.

N: not art writers unfortunately tho

B art writing kind of piggybacks off of the commercial art world though, and less the like, the like ritual and practice of art.

N: there's not really a commercial art world, so theres not really art writers here.

B: Is that good?

N: I think it's bad.

B: Really?

N: I think its bad.

B: Well, money is good. You need enough money to eat. Haha. Is important.

N: But also, I think feeling like people are looking at what youre doing. Feeling seen. And what's the word? Feeling acknowledged. There isn't any, well, okay so recently, well actually, maybe we should go to this today. One of my friends, put together, at the cave a big industrial warehouse, a show with a bunch of artists from Chicago and Detroit. And a few days ago my friend send me the review, this person wrote this and its basically like well I don't get this. This makes me feel stupid. I don't really get it. I didn't understand. And it's like, why would you write that. Why would you put that into the world.

B: like did you talk to anyone.. like at a certain point, maybe try a little harder.

N: she went to the show with the curator.

B: Okay but like the digitigi-- uh digiti-- or didigi I can't get the word. I'm skipping over it, is the digital version like a scan or a text?

B Do we have a plan today

N No. Chilling is the plan.

B Food is probably part of the plan.

N Yeah.

B do you need to work today

N today or tomorrow

B okay.

B: What are you working on right now?

N: Two art fair things to work on. So, the thing that I, here I can show you. Um, so. That's gonna to new york. This is what I need to work on this weekend. That's also gonna go to New York, when we head back. There's a fair in Cologne in april. That and that are gonna go to that. I might make a bigger version of this. This thing took a long time. But ironically a bigger version doesn't take much longer. It's just detail-y kind of fussy work. I've also kind of changed the way I'm doing things somewhat. So like, if you look at this one, even the relatively flat areas get lots of layers and adjustment. Where like you can see here, where theres not a lot of paint and you can see the weave of the canvas, versus here, where you can see its all filled in.

B: Who's the guy in this one.

N: You wanna take a guess?

B: noam chomsky

N: it's bernie madoff

B: ohhh what happened to those feet?

N: I don’t know. I did those what do you call them, bigger frilly socks, but I didn't really like them at that scale. The background there will just be white.

B: Hmm?

N: That's another. That's a kind of—I had this period where I just started everything, just to see what I liked. I started working on these triple penetration paintings.

B: Oh my god! Are those from real images.

N: Its yeah, it's taken from a porn.

B: It's kind of beautiful but at a certain point, it's like what are you saying when you bring that into the gallery.

N: Yeah, it's definitely like what are your saying white boy, and I'm trying to be careful.

B: Yeah I feel like getting at that uncanny or intimate thing with the body and like you know like cropping it or cutting it off, its like kind of a violent gesture.

N: Yeah I've been, I don't. Well heres an interesting question. I had a show in London and it sold out and they were like if you can keep doing that we can keep giving you money. So like now I'm trying to repeat some of that. So the next step was like, well this was interesting to do, but like will it continue to be interesting.

B: and the ones for that show were they all bodies?

N: Here I'll show you. So here's this thing. There’s this and that and that and that.

B: I like these dogs.

N: those are margaret cho’s dogs

B: oh! Awwwww

N: haha yeah

B: I think these are kind of around fashion and textures. Less bodies. Or I mean, it not triple penetration.

N: Yeah. Oh heres peeing baby. I really like peeing baby but the gallery was like

B: mmm maybe next time

N I love peeing baby.

B let me see peeing baby again. Yeah I don't know man. Like its like funny and whimsical but I can't see someone buying that.

N: I feels so religious to me. Like Catholic. Like the hand gesture and the posture, and like I don't know.

B: But yeah I see why its sticky because while that's beautiful, representing and then selling a body part could definitely be framed as a violent act, while erasing black bodies from your work which is making art about fashion and beauty and bodies and rawness within those spaces is like also fucked.

N: I don't know

B: the lips are beautiful, I feel like I saw a bunch mouths in a museum once as a kid, and I was like wow look at the mouths, and I'm forgetting who

N: I dont know

B: were like wet and like grotesquely over-intricate and like pearls in them

N: marilynn minter

B: yeah

N: but also like, feminist activist and different background makes that gesture like totally legit.

B: yeah yeah.. Yeah. Okay have you done any of these doll parts ones yet, because they're like freaking me out.

N: I started. And they're not dolls, or they are dolls but they are medical dolls. So like doctors teach how to do things on the different parts.

B: What are all the dicks for?

N: maybe like testicular disorders.

B: The catheterization one is activating a deep horror.

N: of course that's the only one I've started. And like moving towards this space where there are these surrogates for bodies, like it feels interesting for a little while maybe.

B: What were you doing before this? I remember there was some stuff that was moving towards bodies. There was that cliff face that was vaguely yonic. And the the rope that said like breathe or relax.

B: Have you done any paintings of Marcel and Henry?

N: Not yet

B: Haha, well when you have time, I feel like they deserve that from you.

N: Yes.

B: Why did you start doing bodies in the first place?

N: I don't know, like the image of the socks was part of the impetus.

N: I need to like just figure out a way to be confident about this stuff.

B: I mean. Or not. Being careful isn't bad. Yeah I dont think its bad to be careful. I feel like, I dont know but like images just work in such a different way. Like they work, and I recognize that now. But like I feel like a lot of the time, I can figure out what I’m doing as I’m doing it. Instead of having to know what I'm doing ahead of time, because you can't change around the syntax of an image on the fly to the same extent. But I mean, I am also have a little bit of a what am I doing here right now. Like ive been in that place as well, for, not too long.

N: uh huh

B: I think that like I became super enamored with this really clean, kind of distanced way of writing, that aims to elide subjectivity. And I got there because I had crushes on a few writers in a row that were in that vain. And then like the last thing that I did, I was fucking with it for six months. And in the end it was only like 20 pages. That shouldn't have taken six months. And the reason it wasn't working was it was supposed to be this highly structured formal gesture that was a commentary on influence and the canon, but what it actually ended up being about was trauma and trying to escape a memory. And I think having to make that admission and then go ahead and write that piece instead of the super frozen over one about influence, I think admitting that knocked me a little off course, in terms of thinking that writing sterile well structured things was the way to go.

N: when did the shift happen

B: like december. That's when I pushed that one out of the nest. Cause I had it in my pocket and was like I'll fix it I'll fix it I'll fix it, but then just published it the way it was.

N: I've been kind of curious whether people are making big shifts because of the election. I was apprehensive about this stuff before the election, but now I'm like I need to re-consider what I'm doing.

B: Yeah i've settled into team reconsider. I'm looking to get a little more uhh skin in the game.

N: Yeah I can totally see that

B: To like raise the stakes or something.

N: I've been wanting to bring the process closer, but I'm still using found images and not trusting myself to make my own images. Like I met up with some friends a few weeks ago and I had them all paint their faces with clown faces. Hand then took photos of them just hanging. And I started to think that I can get to the place where I can use my own images. Here, heres uh. And I also started reading like about the protest culture kids are starting to paint their faces to avoid facial recognition software.

N: Whoop. Yeah I think, or I mean when I first started doing this stuff, I listened to an interview, and it didnt prefigure the socks painting, but it was relatively soon afterward and I started to think about the subjects of the paintings in a different way. Because the socks painting has this kind of leisurely, fashion-y, and like just a little hint of sex and I sort of saw that as a sort of contentious space that we arguing over. Leisure time. And what leisure time means in different contents. The left sees leisure time as like citizen time and the right sees it as unproductive time or like laziness in a way. I like the idea idea of thinking about bodies at rest and I started reading a new book about the use of bodies, in a more basically political sense. Like what do we do with all of our useless bodies as automation advances.

B: I think one thing that could happen or that might be useful, is that the marriage of capitalism and like almost calvinism, whereby wealth is conflated with morality. And that particular america schema where virtue and work ethic are conflated. I would like for us to have those two decouple. But it feels like we are going in the opposite direction right now with debt and internships and the gig economy. But yeah images and stories that celebrate rest and decadence even if thats just laying outside on a nice day and doing nothing, time wasted in play or useless creation. Like a meaningful life separated from the market and from labor.

N: Yeah like non-instrumentalized creation, bodies in states of repose, and playing with culture and commodity as a kind of flouting.

B: I think the travel paintings looked more relaxed, but these look more decadent. And in terms of representing other possible ways of being, I like how you let that remain a little torn or bruised or uncanny. I think that that like better serves a narrative of another way of being, complicated, but also not caught up in that system of work or at least not caught up in the same way. I don't think a like overly romanticized version of the decadent or leisurely life would play. Given how cynical we've gotten. But a when we let bodies fold and wrinkle and bruise while they play or rest or shimmer or hint towards illicit sex, I think that's seductive. I guess I'm also talking about non-domestic spaces, or like ways of like occupying private spaces that aren't caught up in domestic labor.

B: and like I'm not signing up to be a part of a heterosexaul relationship and care for a big brood. So I think a lot, about becoming isolated as I slip into the like margins of society. I can't remember where I heard it but it rang pretty true for me personally, that queerness is oriented towards death.

N: Like we don't valorize seeking deep meaning except as it is consumption. And the other thing is—well with sex, or whatever do you think that there's any political value in the major city non-monogamous thing? Like are we actually getting away from the enforced solitude.

B: Mmm until society has achieved racial and economic justice, the way it's mostly set up now is rich white people LARPing as revolutionaries while not realizing that its like just their privileges that allow them to have access to these spaces. Yeah there's some potentials that inhere there. But the way its commonly concieved of or the versions we here about --if that's the main site of your political struggle, then you're fucking up. Now granted a fair number of people in collective living situations are involved—are activists or like allies in some respects. Its just that walling off a garden for the rich, white, and able bodied and then calling it eden. That's like actively shitty. Granted that's mostly not how it works, but it does sometimes work that way. But, the ones I've seen in new york, like you have to have money to have that house. There are some phenomenal exceptions. But like mostly, its walled gardens. It doesn't fix the problem, because everyones coming into your collective with an individualist mindset and the goal of accumulation of capital and a self rooted in the concept of work. I think there is a potential that inheres there, but it doesn't fix the real problem.

and of course that's good, but I think that that progress stands alongside the kind of stripping out and monetization or like collapsing into commodities of every other belief system. Like you said yourself that one nice thing about being in the commercial art market is that there is a sense of validation that comes from selling. Like everything gets abstracted back into like capital. As much as you like try and even as an artist where like you are trying to reach out and see other value systems and youre in somewhat of an okay like positions to try and like reach for other value systems, you still get something out of it as work, like work-work, and out of working on it and getting paid for your work.

N: How do you feel about ice cream.

B: I feel excellent about food. I kinda want noodles. I'm lactose intolerent though so maybe not ice cream. Unless theres like a sherbert situation.

N: I was gonna offer mochi.

B: Could they be rice milk?

N: nnuhh I dont know.

B: Where do cows live? Like where are they originally from?

N: I don't know.

B: I mean I know milk is everywhere. Because global logistics and shipping and stuff. But where are cows? Uh you have the same soap as my partner. And he has the same soap as my ex, and for like a week it was freaking me out, like what is that smell, but I didn't say anything because it seemed weird. But I'm used to it now so it's fine.

B: Also I did an interesting job of packing this morning. I have a short sleeved silk button down and a velvet leotard and a floral bomber. Nothing reasonable. I don't know what I was thinking.

N: We should go thrifting. Oh I wish you could meet the woman I've been seeing. She's so good at thrifting.

B: Ugh my voice. Well like I also do the upspeak thing too. I don't feel super femme, as I'm like wandering around the world in my person body. But when I hear my voice or see pictures of myself, I'm like oh—that seems like a woman.

N: Uh huh

B: With the upspeak and the likes

N: I've heard that women tend to put like in the front of sentences, as a way of cordoning off meaning. And the kind of like that we tend to associate with women's speech, the inserted, like creating a pause

B: like an um

N: Yes

B That was a literal like right? I've lost track of when a like is like and when a like is an um

N:This is what blew my mind and I want to look into this more is that the original definition of like, like in old english, the original definition was a synonym with the word body. Right, like if you go all the way back. The similarity definition, is a corporeal similarity.

B: Whenever I'm using like a lot in a sentence I'm just bringing everybody's bodies to bear, fully.

N: inserting your body into the sentence.

B: I wanted to read you something – uh! Beautiful cat! Look at this butt. Skinny butt. I don't like that their assholes are so visible. This is what I wanted to read you earlier about bodies.

B: I mean.. I have those reactions to like cats though, too sometimes. I'm just like oh you're so beautiful. Oh can I set my stuff in your room.

N: Oh so my bedroom is the one room I didn't clean.

B: Oh no worries.

N: Though I really should wash my sheets.

B: I still really don't care unless there's something truly alarming.

N: O-okay?

Scorpios are like intense and sociopathic and super slutty, and like I have my scorpio moments but that's not like the driving force um they're also super slutty, which again I hve my moments. I occasionally check my horoscope, and I follow astropoets on twitter.

N: I follow astropoets too. But I feel comfortable with that because it kind of feels like a joke, but IM not sure that its a joke.

B: I guess I end up touching it.

N: Touching

B: metaphorically, not grabbing grazing. Someething.

N: I guess I read libra stuff sometimes.

B: What are libras like?

N: Indecisive and deliberate, and kind of artsy.

B: Indecisive and deliberate: how both?

N: Those are the poles.

N: I have to go to court, I got in a car wreck, someone broke into our house.

B: What

N: Those are excuses.

B: I have to trick myself into reading my hard books, by sending myself on a trip and only packing my hard books. Otherwise I'll just read sci fi novels all year.

N: I've read like maybe 40 novels in my life. I only read the hard books, so I never read.

B: oh my god, that's like nothing.

N: I mean I read other stuff. Nonfiction, theory.

B: To a certain extent, novels sustained me through high school. I was so miserable and pretty lonely. And I just read all the time, because we didn't have TV or the internet really.

N: Wait.

B: Yeah, no because we were poor. Ish. And my mom was a luddite.

N: Yeah I grew up with the internet, like the first earliest version. Like 1994.

B: What even was the internet back then.

N: yeah it was super slow.

B: but there was no google and it wasn't social. How did you know where to go? Did you just hear rumors about cool websites to go to?

N: I don't know I don't remember really.

B: I remember the first time I went on homestar runner, was because I heard a rumor about it on the school bus, so I looked it up in the library later. Oh, did you have a myspace?

N: yeah well I was in a band, so. Actually a lot of my first internet experiences were through the band. Like emailing and myspace and stuff.

B: So I got the glass replaced, then I went to Texas for christmas and was holding my sisters cat and the phone, dropped the phone, and like the clattering phone freaked the cat out and it dug into my, look at that, the cat dug into my wrist and launched itself, and that's like three months old, and it's still visible.

N: I have one of those, see?

B: how old is it?

N: pretty old, super old.

B: yeah that's not going away. It was a cat?

N: No it was a box, at my old place. I was picking up a box and dropped it and it slid down.

B: eessh

N: Yeah. Do you have any other good ones?

B: I have a seven inch long one the wraps around, you know the sticky-outy bone on the outside of your ankle? Yeah. I have a scar. That's a surgery scar. It’s all nasty and ropy. I've got two little crucifixes on one knee from another surgery. I had a partial ACL tear and a cyst had formed around it and the cyst was interfering with my movement.

N: On both knees

B: Two holes, one knee. We're going to get through all my injuries by the time this weekend is over, huh? Oh I've got a scar on my butt, from when I fell and broke my ribs and back and stuff in july. I scraped my butt, and it ripped my dress. It had a big gash on the side, and I lost one shoe. So the sent me home in hospital issue shoes, these giant velcro converse looking things, with a gash in my dress. It was a good look.

N: Of all the indignities, I feel like losing a shoe is up there. That's like a punchline.

B: You get hit and the shoe just flies off screen.

So part of the reason, obviously not the whole reason, but part of it is she's ready for that new york dick

B: I don't want to shit on new york dick but...

N: Let's just hold on that phrase

B: I feel like its not that great. Um. I mean, I've only really done Boston and New York. But..

N: however mediocre you think it is, it gets worse outside of new york.

B: Of course there's some dick that's so good you have to really make sure you don't lose track of it, but the vast majority of dick just scratches an itch.

B: Yeah, I'm being gone down on not that often right now, like if I ask sure, but now I learned how to come from like heterosexual penetrative sex. I mean not dick only, but I've learned like which positions and what I need to do or whatever. Which is a neat thing to learn how to do as a 26 year old.

N: J is so small she just slivers away and hides in a crease in the sheets when I ask.

B: Haha, you make it sound she's a silverfish. Iunno sex is weird. Like I'm 26 and I just learned to come from dick. Granted I'm super attracted to my partner right now, and my sex drive is a little higher, so I don't really feel picky in that situation. It's been nice to fall a into a pattern together, and learn some stuff and be flexible.

N: Did you see this?

B: I like the big wax tongue.

N: You can touch it.

B: Oh my god it feels amazing.

N: yeah it’s made of a foam rubber

B: Eek! Is that the art?

N: Yeah

B: I stepped on the art. I'm supposed to step on the art, right?

N: Yeah. It's a long unfolding performance art.

B: I am part of the art, then. I wonder how many other people it terrified.

B: Are you in this?

N: That's a good question, I don't know. I stretched some of these canvases though.

B: Is it cheaper to stretch them yourself.

N: well it's cheaper to ship them unstretched and then stretch them

B: do they ever crack?

N: Yeah but I'm doing it to my own stuff mostly.

B: ah. Is it hard?

N: yeah.

pop

B: ahh, I'm wary of the floor now

N: hehehe

B: ahh

N: hehe *continues popping the floor poppers*

B: I really want a new tattoo, but the idea I have is super lame. Egon Schiele has these kind of wrecked looking flowers that I like, but it's a bit of a tumblr girl thing.

N: He's maybe a little a popular for the wrong reasons, but still good. I don't know if I've seen the flowers though.

B: I feel like if I was getting a nude, on ma body, that'd be a little redundant. But--

N: You should totally get a boob like slightly off on your boob.

B: Yes! I really wanted wild flowers though, but they were all too pretty. These are rougher or something. Wildflowers just remind me of home, and of my mom.

N: Schiele kind of looks naive or something as well, which is a good way to hit that from the side.

B: What's the plan. Drinks, chatting, friends, dancing?

N: Theres no plan. I might have a date, but you can come.

B: Would we leave it on if we hung out with people. Also should we like establish boundaries or anything? In terms of your date and the M situation, I kind of want expectations for me and boundaries in place.

N: What do you mean?

B: I mean, we have had sex.

N: Yes, I remember.

B: So like how am I introduced in this context? That seems awkward.

N: I'm putting like no expectations, I mean not 100% comfortable but I'm pretty happy with things just being relaxed. I'm not tryna fuuck.

B: Okay, yeah. I didn't know if I was signing myself up for a threesome or something.

N: I don't even know what this would be, or if it would go anywhere, but no.

B: Okay, yeah. I mean. Yeah, alright. We'll see.

N: Oh your head is cold, why is your head cold? Maybe you were lickin’.

B: Maww

B: how do you .. okay i understand this isn’t a real question, but, how do you make the paint paint? It looks hard.

N: Make the paint paint?

B: How do you make the paint paint? Noun version of paint, verb version of paint.

N: What?

B: It looks hard.

N: Uh

B: Like physically hard.

N: Oh. Some of it is hard. I scrape  it off with this razor blade. Oil paint doesn’t dry, it oxidizes. You can sort of reinvigorate it to a certain extent by adding oil, but only to a certain extent because it becomes a hard resin.

B: Oh

N: Actually something else that’s, well this isn’t related. I used to paint on these ones, and now I’m using these

B: canvas and gesso

N: You can’t sort of see, here look at the edge here. There’s a thin see through plastic product.. can you see, where can you see, here.  Feel this. It’s soft and then it’s rough. It’s called PDA Size. It’s used in book making. And I’ve been experimenting with using it as a gesso.

B: Ahh. The white ones are crisper.

N: I’m kind of letting the linen texture and color show through to a certain. Yeah and also to some extent I think there’s a reference, one that I’m trying to induce to a traditional technique. Contemporary image logic in a traditional environment.

B: it’s good for flesh

B: Is this alright

N: Are you asking the cat if you can take a picture of him?

B: I’m asking you.

N: Yeah. If you make kissy noise he’ll look at you.

B: Uh, how much gin is in this? Just so I don’t put myself under the table.

N: Like two fingers.

B: you can see it swirling

N: Oh that’s so good. Let me see if I can get it.

B: It kind of stopped. Do you want me to stir? Ohh it started up again.

N: Pretty good. Are you recording?

B: Have been for a second. It’s just there.

Well I do think that I’ve taken on some of our collaborations in the past year into my extended art practice identity, that I’m not just someone who makes paintings, that I also make funky language stuff with you. And so when opportunity came along… Well, and I read a lot of interviews and I’m interested in them, so I am interesting in how their are done. I guess I also feel like I function better on one-on-one, socially.

N: Out of interviews. I think some of it is fantasizing myself into the scenario, like a casual comparing of sensibility. Maybe in a way, that’s a little too meta. But I listen and try and think how would I respond to that?

B: Who do you fantasize yourself as, the, well I guess it’s hard sometimes to tell who’s doing who..

N: I kind of like fiction that feels like my inner voice. Well, I had this thing with a friend in Berlin, this bookclub we started reading ernst junger, and we had plans to read cioran

B: Oh my god I love cioran. I read him in college when I was super sad.. so

N: Excruciating nihilism. At least Nietzsche is kind of enthusiastic about it.

B: Invigorating nihilism. Like it can get perversely generative. Versus cioran is just soo. Ugh. He’s just like morose. In a way, it also wraps back around and becomes a kind of idealized melancholy.

N: Oh god, but he’s just a slow drag on your soul.

B: It was interesting to me, because I want to be more immediate, and have a clearer emotional stake and like psychological or something  stakes in the work I’m doing. I like the idea of fantasizing yourself into a situation, [I really like the idea that I’ve fantasized myself into this situation, given the history and given the way desire seems to work on me. It isn’t exactly untrue.]

N: Do you feel like we have clear emotional stakes?

B: By emotional stakes, I don’t mean a channel of intense desire or rage.  Though there is some desire and some compexity to it. I mean closer to my self than say an algorithm trained on another person’s texts can get. In a way. Not romantic stakes. I mean I want good things for you and the kitties and the art. And you’ve known me for a while, and in a few different contexts. And the longevity is cool, because we’ve gotten to be different people along the way.  

N: I’ve floated the idea with a few people, a few friends that it’s better to have fucked first and then become friends. Like it gets rid of something, or establishes something, or does some sort of work.

B: Thats one thing that continues to flabberghast me. The way that I feel like I know someone after sex. Like I’ve seen them naked and somewhat vulnerable, and they’ve seen me naked and well usually super vulnerable.. That’s true especially lately, in that I’m less alienated from the experience of sex. But I just feel closer or something. And I keep having the experience of feeling close and known, and then that not at all matching up with the other person’s reality, that honestly breaks my heart a little. Like, most often with older straight guys. Like I’ll think that we’re becoming friends, have sex expecting to become better friends, and then have them never speak to me again.

N: Like they’re aiming at something and then once they get it?

B: Yeah, but it kind of baffles me, because I’m not hot shit. Like if you’re trying to make notches in your bedpost, I’m an odd target. I think it’s more that there’s a script or schema in place, where casual sex means someone is disposable. Versus I’ve not had that experience in my queer community. Like sometimes or rarely things will be weird for a bit, but it resolves. Versus these older dudes, just leave me hanging oddly. The younger straight dudes have less of the idea that if you speak to someone after you fuck them, you’re suddenly married.

so like omg do you really need that much moral cover to be a slut?

N:  This boy M is just the softest boy, non-threatening and beautiful. But he sleeps with everyone. He slept with my friend and she said he could not admit to himself that he liked sleeping around,

B: he had to keep up the lovelorn performance. God that’s even more violent. Like if a boy is an avowed slut, then you can hit them up and just be honest with eachother. I know those boys. I’ve bedded a few in a my day. They’re great to hit up when you actively dont want emotional work, but want to fuck something. Versus that whole, I’m really serious about finding love but there’s something wrong with you narrative is horrible.

N: bedded... Yeah, it disingenuous. It holds out a sense of false promise to people who are serious, and then it forces slutty people to engage in their weird game. Like over the winter the friend I was talking about got with him, and she said just wanted to cuff him for winter but he couldn’t stop with the

B: wait is that what cuffing means? I thought cuffing season referred to like cuffing your pants.

N: Explain that.

B: Cause it’s fall, so you put away the shorts and you get out the pants, but its a still warmer so you cuff them.

N: You might be right

B: No you’re definitely right, because I also thought thot was slang for a thing you think instead of an abbreviation of that hoe over there.

N: Oh that’s cute. But yeah but she just wanted to cuff someone and the guy thought she was being to calculating about things.

B: Ugh. I would much rather have someone be straightforward and say hey you’re gorgeous, and I want to sleep with you but have no emotional bandwidth for anything else. Like when people pull that shit of like oh I’ve had a crush on you for ten months, let’s fuck, and then I’ll text you for seven weeks, but not tell you when I get a real girlfriend.

B: well yeah. Though I mean there’s a balance to be struck. There’s been like four threesomes that I’ve straight up slept through.

N: Slept through?

B: Like my partner and whoever else set something up, knowing I’d be down, because I’m like perpetually, terminally down.

N: Haha

B: And then by the time they’re like back or ready or whatever I’m curled into a tiny, warm, ball completely unwakeable.

N: I like when they bite me, because they do it so carefully.

B: You like it.

N: less so when they use their claws

B: Oh you’ve never even smoked anything. Oh my god.

N: No and it felt really weird on my lungs. It kind of makes me want to go in a sauna.

B: Oh my god you’ve never been in a sauna? I went like three weeks ago.

N: There’s a big sauna near here that I’ve been trying to go to. It has like private rooms with a hot tub and a sauna.

B: Every trip I’ve taken recently, I’ve managed to get a spa type experience in. Which is super decdent but.

N: I’ve being trying to book this one near here for a while but I haven’t yet

B: We should go tomorrow.

N: I’ll call. Okay so its 25 dollars a person, and they have rooms available later in the evening.

B: You have such a decadent life. Excellent pants, covered in cats, surrounded by art

N: Excellent pants?

B: Excellent pants! Am I wrong? No I was just starting small and working up, but also to be fair, excellent pants are foundational for happiness. Oh, I need to call my sister.. Can I go do that?

N: Yeah

N: so my brain as come up with two options.

B: your brain has

B: I don’t like it. It’s like.. It’s like fake fun. It’s a bunch of people trying to convince themselves they’re cool and interesting. And they’re not. It’s like chill out, you’re a corporate lawyer, sure you’re whipping a woman in front of a crowd of other shills, but that doesn’t mean you’re cool.

N: What would it need to be actually fun?

B: To not be a sex club. To not be forced, or anonymous, or awkward.

N: Yeah well the schwitz is closing down

B: If I was starting a sex club, I would put it in a church and have only one room, with a max of 15 or 20 people. And everyone is chosen for a given party based on how well they’ll get along and how much they have in common. And then time is the factor that determines whether people get down or not, instead of like separate spaces where one is always already a writhing kronenberg monster.

N: I’ve got the avocado, and the hand one.

B: What’s the hand?

N: on my palm I have ‘Ne Travaillez Jamais’. It means never work. But the idea is that the more worn my hands get, the more the tattoo fades.   

N: I think I might get another one in new york. This equation kunst equals capital..

B: whats kunst. I know what capital is haha

N: art

B: ahh I see . I thought it might mean pussy is capital

N: haha no. The other one is a ken price drawing of a naked woman with her legs spread, and it says dont think about her while youre driving. But I don’t know how I would get it. Just the text or the text and the image and where

B: Get the image in right here, straddling you. Like you have to shave to get it, but then when it grows back it’ll be partially obscured. If you have any other patchy hair on your body thats what you should do with it

N: Fill it with tattoos

B: Fill it with cunts

N: Are you looking up long legged chicken in jorts?

B: First I’m looking up long legged chicken, because I want relevant results.

N: wow. wow. wow.

B: I might be sleepy. I might be ready for sleep. Is that okay.

N: Yeah.

B: Oh yeah long legged chicken in jorts. Here we go.

N: ahh haha, close.

B: In boxing shorts. The rest are chicks in jorts. Human chicks. You should put a variety of chickens in your backyard.

N: Christine has chickens.

B: Oh my god, does she have americunas?

N: I don’t know you’d have to ask her.

B: If she doesn’t she should get some. They lay colorful eggs. And I think they are good in cold weather as well.

N: Yeah. Okay, I told M I would call her before I went to bed so I’m gonna do that and then come occupy the other half of the bed.

B: Okay, I’m gonna pass out and cudddle your cats.  If you want me to sleep on the couch that’s also fine. If that’s neccessary.

N: I don’t think its neccessary.

B: Okay, goodnight.

B: Yeah I sleep okay, except I woke up with a hangover headache so I drank like six glasses of water, then I had to pee a bunch because of all the water. So I slept well except for self inflicted interuptions. Ugh these jeans I missed a button because they’re dumb and they dont have a zipper.

B: Who’s taking care of them while your away

N: Roomate. She’ll just pop down and feed them.

B: So what’s this one. I kind of read a crotch or a breast in the gesture, but...

N: A throat

B: right too furry for a breast

N: I guess my breasts are furry

B: No nipple on the throat.

N: some people have said they read the thumb as a nipple.

B: Kind of, maybe. And this, what’s this? I see a shoe, a foot.

N: Yeah and the blue wrinkles are the edge of a lap

B; so the foot is crossed over like

N: Yeah.

B: [inaudible]

N: [yelling] pigeons.

B: Yay! I think the thing that I liked about the idea, is that one of the art publications I read most is bomb. Which is literally subheaded, artists in conversation. And they have a shit ton of interviews, even a book of them. And I really like the kind of forced out, or half baked, or heavily mediated ideas that come from the space of a conversation between friends. It a faster, hotter way of coming up with stuff.  Plus it kind of creates an idealized space of flattened power dynamics. But then on the other side its super parasitic. Like you’re performing being an off the cuff or being equal in order to reap some sort of benefit down the line. Lord knows its somewhat rehearsed and scripted.

For the most part theres a mutuality. The reader gets to use the text to access a kind of empathy or intimacy. Its a cool form. You get more of a stake it your ideas, they’re associated with your self and your body in a way that isn’t true of a lot of other forms. That whole habermas thing about the public, where the subject is stripped away and becomes just a vehicle for an idea, for reason. It’s absurd, but I think the interview can undermine that in some ways. Your self is inserted back in, with its vocal ticks, and gestures, and habits of thought. The body responds to the interlocutor no matter what. I think selfie art kind of makes a similar argument, inserting the body back into the public sphere. We’re doing the same here, in a subtler or more obscured way

B: with images of women or sexualized images of women, its broken in the way that these come from the tradition of having been object for consumption. Which is just one way the subject can be broken there are other ways it can be broken, moreinteresting way. A relationship to a self as a object for masturbation