#uhhh this ones about like. being afraid to love people TOO much and then just stopping so u dont hurt them

[qulizalfos]

there is a gleam in your eye.

if you tell me i put it there i will shutter down so as to not blind you.

[whimsiwitchy]

Controversially Young Girlfriend (part five)

Hugh Jackman x popstar!reader 

series masterlist & main masterlist

summary: y/n is a globally beloved pop star. She is known for her talent and dedication towards her craft. Recently, she has also been known for her preference for older men. After a breakup with her former older boyfriend, she had a run in with the hottest dilf right now, Hugh Jackman. Y/n tried to warn him, but what can she say, she has an effect on hot, older men. 

warnings: age gap (23/55), cursing, y/n used, implied shorter reader, afab reader, she/her pronouns, sexual themes.

warnings will change as the story progresses! all descriptions of real people in this story are FAKE. I do not know these people and this is purely fiction. Please let me know if I missed anything!! <3

authors note: the wait is over. yay! This isn’t how I expected this part to end but I let my mind take charge…plans change. I hope the end is okay, i’ve never written anything like that before so i’m a little nervy for y’alls reactions lol. let me know what you guys think! Enjoy <3

part five: new york changes you

The whole ‘friends for now’ deal you set with Hugh has been an enthralling experience so far. A month has passed since that night in your living room, a month of struggling to resist the charisma of Hugh Jackman. Right now, your two lives couldn’t be more different: your album had dropped three weeks ago, one week after the deal was made. It has been an absolute success with four of your songs sitting in the top ten since the drop. You were doing interview after interview and rehearsals for your tour started up this past week. Meanwhile, Hugh was living the simple life. He has been done with his Deadpool and Wolverine promo for some time now and he’s been enjoying his free time. That was something you didn’t have much of as of recent- free time. You were trying to balance the few moments of freedom between all of the people you cared for, which mostly consisted of Ashley and Hugh. It’s gotten to a point where you were inviting your friends to the tour rehearsals just to be able to see them. When the idea first popped up, you had been afraid that they would be too distracting but the outcome was the opposite. Having a mini audience that weren’t part of the tour team, allowed everyone to make changes to things with the input of outside opinions. Ashley and a small group of your other friends were rehearsal regulars now.

You’d been seeing Hugh more privately, both of you agreeing to stay out of the public eye for a little bit while the dating rumors died down. Ashley had been a little too enthusiastic about your decision to be Hugh’s friend and nothing more. You loved reminding her that it was hopefully a temporary situation while we decided if being together exclusively was the right choice for both of us. She liked to ignore that part. Her despisement towards Hugh has been a mystery to you. She was always a little protective over you, as any normal friend would be, but it had never been to this extent. 

“Ash, do you wanna come to rehearsal tomorrow. We’re finally putting the choreography on the actual stage. I think you’ll like it. It’s gonna be fun.” You ask. The two of you were currently at Target shopping for her new apartment. “Uhhh of course. I need to catch up on all of the songs I missed. Then maybe you’ll consider putting me up on stage.” The last sentence comes out more singsongy than usual as she tries to convince you. She has brought up being on stage so often, you were beginning to feel bad, but she was a shit dancer. You didn’t have the heart to tell her. “Cool. I have to be there at seven, but I was thinking you guys could show up at noon. That’s when we’re scheduled to move over to the stage.” Her eyes light up. “Ooo. Who else is coming? Please tell me you invited Taylor again, she’s fun.” She rambles on as she pushes the cart through the lamp aisle. “Oh. I didn’t invite the girls again. It’s uh…it’s just gonna be you and Hugh.” She puts the lamp she’s been observing back onto the shelf. “Actually, I just remembered I have plans tomorrow.” She states flatley and starts to push the cart again. You follow her, waiting until you enter an aisle that was free of people before confronting her. “Ashley, don't be like that.” You whine. “I’m not being like anything y/n. I just forgot I had plans.” She shrugs as she busies herself by looking at the bathroom decor on the shelves. “What do you have against him?” You blurt out. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Cut the shit Ash. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I can’t even mention his name without you trying to change the subject. I can’t even talk to my best friend about the guy I like because of this weird fucking grudge you have against him.” She stares at you, giving you a few slow blinks before speaking again. “Fine. I’ll be there but I can’t promise I'll be civil.” 

You didn’t push her any further, her answer was good enough for now. Target wasn’t the right place to fight with her about this and it probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. As much as you loved Ashley, she had a tendency to do and say wherever she pleased but when it came back to her, she played victim. It was becoming harder to deal with now that you weren’t children anymore. Later that night, while on facetime with Hugh, you decided to warn him about the shitshow which he was bound to end up in tomorrow.

“I’m not really sure what her deal is honestly. She won’t tell me why she doesn’t like you.” You pout. “It’s okay baby, not everyone is going to like me. I can handle it.” 

The endearments had been something that Hugh didn’t drop after the ‘just friends’ talk. You thought about talking to him about it but the words sounded too good rolling off of his tongue. You argued that it wasn’t any different than your other friends calling you ‘babe’- it wasn’t the same at all but you didn’t care. You knew it meant more to both of you. 

“I know, but it would be really nice if you two could be friends, ya know? She just gets too overprotective I guess…” You tell him, not really believing your own words. “You don’t have to come tomorrow if you don’t want to. We can pick another day for you to come if you feel like it’ll be too awkward.” “Tomorrow is fine y/n. Everything will be okay. Don’t think about it too much, I’m sure I can charm her a little bit, get her on my side.” He assures you.

Ashley was on her worst behavior and it was pissing you off. It felt like you had covered Hugh in blood and thrown him to the sharks- when you think about it, he probably would have had a better shot at fighting off the sharks. The entire day so far had been full of eye rolls and snarky comments. When you had a moment alone with Hugh, all you could do was apologize for her behavior and he swore it was fine, it wasn't your fault. Ashley was acting weird towards you the entire morning. When you offered her to get up and learn some choreo, she brushed you off saying that she still needed to wake up. You glanced over at Hugh and Ashley every few minutes as they talked. It looked civil. The music was too loud to hear what the conversation was about and it was making you nervous. Hugh kept his eyes mostly on you as he spoke but Ashley’s were set on Hugh, never looking your way. You tried your best to ignore it, focusing on doing your job.

 For one of the songs, you would be giving one of the dancers named Ethan a lap dance. He had become a good friend over the past year you had known him and he made the whole grinding on him thing a lot less awkward than you thought it would be. “Are you and eye candy over there still playing friends?” Ethan asks as he gestures towards where Hugh and Ashley sat. “Yes..but it’s more lenient. Kinda like dating but nothing exclusive.” You explain, eyes on Hugh. He’s looking back at you and you’re sure he can tell that you’re talking about him. “You should do the dance for him, since he’s a special guest today and all.” He offers, smirk present on his face. “You don’t think that would be too mean? I want him to want me but I don’t wanna ruin the man. At least not yet anyways.” A similar smirk to Ethan’s was rising to your lips at the thought of Hugh being flustered over you. “I think you should do it.” You think about it for a moment and shame yourself for how quickly you made your decision. “You’re a bad influence.” You tell Ethan. Hugh’s eyes are still on you and you point your finger at him and wiggle it, motioning him to come here. 

“I’m gonna go sit down, have fun.” Ethan says and goes down the stairs to the stage as Hugh walks up them. “What’s up sweetheart?” He asks. “Ethan isn’t feeling well right now, would you mind standing in for him? You don’t have to do anything, just sit in that chair.” You point to the metal fold up chair that sits in the center of the catwalk. “Yea I can do that.” His smile is authentic, happy to help. “Thank you baby.” You say and you reach up to leave a quick kiss on his cheek. You pick up the mic that you sat on the stage floor earlier and turn it on. “We’re ready to go for the next one.” You announce through it so the sound crew could hear you. They announce ‘places’ and Hugh sits down in the chair. You walk over to the marker on the floor that indicates your starting position for this song. It’s about five feet behind Hugh’s chair, leaving him clueless on what’s happening. 

The song starts and you strut to the beat until you reach the chair. Your hands are on either side of Hugh’s chest and you move your hands around the same way that you had practiced many times before. His chest was hard and you could feel the muscles of his pecs. You slide your hands up to his shoulders and walk slowly around the chair until you're right in front of Hugh. The song slows at this point, giving the perfect moment for you to slowly drop yourself into his lap, arms around his neck. There’s three quick beats and you bounce up and down. Hugh’s eyes are wide in surprise. He’s a lot taller than Ethan and his thighs hold more muscle. It took a moment to get used to as the routine went on. The entire dance was pretty stereotypical: a lot of grinding, ass popping, and touching. You spent a good majority of the song whispering the words quietly to Hugh. He kept his hands to himself, not wanting to interrupt whatever move you had to do next. When the song ends, you’re out of Hugh’s lap and standing a foot in front of him for your ending pose. The crew gives you the okay to move and you turn back to Hugh, mischief present in your face. “Thank you Hugh!” You squeal, giving him a quick hug once he stands up. “Yea. yea…You’re such a tease.” He says the second part low enough so only you hear. As he walks back to his seat, you could have sworn you saw him trying to discreetly reposition whatever was happening in his pants. 

During your lunch break, Ashley’s strange act continued as she made up some excuse for her to leave- you could tell she was lying. Hugh and yourself ended up ordering subs from some local deli and ate in your dressing room. “So what do you think about everything so far?” You ask, referring to the choreo you’d been learning for the past three hours. “It’s…fun.” You huff at that. “You’re so terrible at describing things Hugh. Oh my god.” You complain. “I’m sorry…It's good.” You give him a blank stare, not satisfied with his answers. “Okay okay, don’t give me that look. You’re phenomenal…watching you dance and feeling you dance on me is making it really hard to just be your friend.” He shrugs, taking another bite of his sandwich. His answer makes you blush, familiar butterflies fly around your tummy. “Oh.” It’s all you could say. “You don’t have to accept my invites if it’s too hard on you.” “Hm. That’s not it, babe. I definitely want to be here. Wouldn’t have wanted to miss that little stunt you pulled earlier.” He winks as he refers to the lapdance. 

Comments like that had been frequent throughout the past month. Hugh Jackman was a natural flirt. That was a fact you had the pleasure of learning from personal experience and the displeasure of learning from the internet. You had seen countless videos of him being a flirty slut- as a married man. It worried you and had been something you’d been thinking about nonstop since the discovery. Him flirting with you was one thing, but you didn’t like the idea of him flirting with others when he was ‘yours’. You’d also seen videos of him mentioning multiple times that he liked older women, which had become another concern that ate at your brain. Last week, Hugh had come over for a movie night and you planned on casually mentioning the apprehension you had around the issue. 

“Sooo, I heard you liked older women?” 

Casual had never been your thing. 

“Uh..yea. It’s a preference of mine.” You could tell that the question made him uncomfortable. The tiny little toxic part of your heart was happy about that. You let out a short hum. “What was that for?”

 “What was what for?” 

 “Your little ‘hm.’.” You shrug as you speak your next words. “It’s just interesting.” 

 “What’s interesting.”  “You having a preference for older women.”  

“How is that any different from you liking older men?” He asks genuinely and you could honestly smack him right now for not seeing the issue and you would if he wasn’t across the couch. “Hm. I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I’m currently interested in an older man and you’re straying quite far from your preferences Mr.Jackman.” He lets out a deep belly laugh. “Why are you laughing at me?” You cross your arms, a small pout sits on your lips. “You're jealous.” He smirks. “I’m not jealous. I’m skeptical.”  “There's no reason to be.” His eyes are gentle.  “If you say so.” You didn’t want to damper the mood but your mind was filled with ‘what ifs’ and you needed reassurance.

 “Hey. Come here sweet girl.” He motions for you to sit closer to him. You crawl over and his arm drapes over your shoulder. Your head rests on his chest and his cheek is resting on the crown of your hair. “I promise you have nothing to worry about. I like you and only you.” “Pinky promise?” You look up at him, holding out your pinky. He lets out a chuckle and links his pinky with your own. “Pinky promise.” He was looking down at you. You were staring in his eyes, watching the reflection from the flame of the pumpkin pie scented candle that sat on the coffee table flicker. He slowly leaned down, allowing his lips to softly touch yours. It was a lazy kiss, lips moving every few seconds. You could feel every part of Hugh’s lip slide against yours. The slowness of it all was arousing- the heat from his body wasn’t helping. The upward stretch of your neck became sore after a few minutes,  giving you the perfect excuse to climb into his lap. The makeout session lasted about thirty minutes, never speeding up, both of you enjoying the intimacy of the demure, slow kisses. You ground your hips into his in an undemanding manor, not wanting to rush the moment, just needing to feel him against you. A few whispered moans were thrown about, a few neck kisses here and there. The rules were beyond broken that night. You liked to imagine what would have happened if there wasn’t a knock on the door from the food you ordered earlier. 

Your cheeks heat up at the memory as you pick an onion off of your sandwich. Hugh was right, you were a tease. That night, he had initiated the kiss but you turned it into so much more. You could've stopped it, blaming it on the pain in your neck, but you wanted more. With Hugh, you always wanted more. It was your stupid idea to be his friend first and it was torturing you. “What’re you thinking about, pretty girl?” Hugh asks, dragging you out of your thoughts. “Nothing...These onions are too strong.” You flick the onion you picked off onto the paper that was once wrapped around your sub. “You sure that’s it? You can talk to me babe.” He’s sincere. He’s always so patient and caring towards you. It makes your heart swell. “I was thinking about our movie night.” You admit. “Anything in particular from that night?” He asks, knowing exactly what you’re thinking about, the wide smirk on his stupid perfect face makes that obvious. “I wasn’t thinking about that, you perv. I was thinking about how I forgot to tell you that I’m going to New York next week.” He didn’t need to know that you were for sure thinking about every detail of his dick that you could remember and you really did forget to tell him that, so you weren’t technically lying. “Hm. I wonder what made you forget?” Smirk still plastered on his face. “I’m gonna ignore that comment.” And you did ignore it, immediately talking about your upcoming trip. “It's kinda gonna be my first time there. I performed a show there but I was gone the next day. I have an entire four days to explore this time. Well except for when I work but whatever.” You shrug at the end, voice filled with excitement ready to see the city in its full glory. “What do you have scheduled when you’re out there?” 

“I have a photoshoot, meetings, then the Tonight Show.” 

“First time on Fallon?” you laugh. “First time on any big talk show, I'm so fucking nervous.” 

“Don’t be. Jimmy’s a great guy and you’re good at talking. It’s easy to pay attention to you.” 

“Do you pay attention to me because I'm a good talker or do you pay attention to me because you think I'm pretty.” You were completely fishing for a compliment and you carried no shame for it. “Both.” 

Hugh had become a really good friend and not just because the two of you shared an occasional kiss. He was there for you when you had no one else. The next day, Ashley came over and you tried to ask her why she lied about needing to leave rehearsal early. She either gave a vague answer for each question or completely dodged it. You never asked Hugh about what they talked about, wanting the answer from your best friend, but it was looking like you would have to turn to him to get closer to the truth. You invited her to New York the second you found out you were going. Trying to get her out of her funky mood, you brought it up, asking if she was excited that it was coming up so soon. She quickly agreed to the excitement but each word came out flat and uninterested. About an hour after she left your house, you got a text. 

bestie boo: hey. i’m actually not gonna be able to make it to new york. sorry, ttyl. 

The text caught you off guard but it wasn’t a total surprise due to Ashley’s behavior while she was at your house. That didn’t mean it hurt any less though. The consistent dodginess from her made your throat tighten up. Your first instinct was to text Hugh, so that’s what you did.

You: hey, are you busy rn? 

Hugh <3: Hi baby. No, I'm not busy. What’s up?

You: can you come over? :(

Hugh <3: On my way! 

When you opened the door for him, worry was written on his face. “What’s wrong?” He takes off his shoes, the same way he has the past few times he’s come over. “I feel like you’re always asking me that.” You slump over slightly. “I gotta make sure my girl is okay.” All of the sadness you had over Ashley almost vanished entirely. “I’m your girl?” You ask looking up at him. “Of course you’re my girl y/n. Just waiting for the day you wanna label it.” He smiles down at you and offers his hand. “Now c’mon, tell me what’s got you all blue.” You grab his hand and he follows the familiar route to your living room couch. He sits down and pulls you down towards him. You’re sitting next to him, your side against his. He pulls your legs up so they lay across his lap and he rubs slow circles into your thigh.

 “What’s got that pretty face of yours frowning?” He pinches your thigh lightly as he asks the question. “It’s Ashley, she’s being really weird Hugh. She always tells me things and now she’s just…not.” He has his own frown now. “I’m sorry baby….Is this about me again?” 

“Kinda but not totally. I just wanted to know why she doesn’t like you. You’ve become so important to me and I plan on having you around for a while. She’s been my best friend since we were kids, I want her to like you and be able to be around you.” You put your hands over your eyes, your palms applying  pressure on them to prevent the tears from falling. All the pent up frustration was starting to reach its limit. “Hey, look at me.” He grabs your chin, a gesture he’s done more times than you can count. “Don’t let me come in between your friendships.” You sigh. “It’s not your fault Hugh.” 

“I…I think it might be my fault a little bit.” He admits with a guilty expression, making your heart sting. “What do you mean?” 

“She uh… Ashley might have flirted with me yesterday. I shut it down but…” He sighs nervously. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t know how to tell you to be honest..” The room around you both felt stuffie and too small. The tears that were held back by the palms of your hands just a few minutes ago, spill out. You were feeling too many emotions: hurt, anger, betrayal. 

This wasn’t the first time Ashley had done something like this. She’d done it with Pedro when the two of you were already together. The only difference is that she felt so guilty that she confessed. This time, Ashley was too much of a coward to tell you what she had done to your face. You didn’t want to lose your best friend but you couldn’t keep her around when all she seemed to do was hurt you. Hugh holds you as you cry, not saying a word. He leaves little kisses on your head and tells you that ‘it’s okay’ over and over. He let you cry without knowing what it was you were crying about. You felt so stupid to have let this slip past you. It had been almost the exact same situation before. Ashley acted weird towards Pedro, she starts being vague, and then you find out what she did. Déjà fucking vu. You couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s funny sweetheart?” Your mind had been racing so fast, you almost forgot that Hugh’s was still here holding you. He had gone still, the only reminder of his presence was the weight of his arms around you. “I just can’t believe she did it again without me noticing. I feel dumb.” His body jerks in surprise. “Again?” 

—

It was Saint Patrick's day and you were at Ashley’s place getting ready for a party. It was a weird holiday to throw a party for but people used any excuse to get drunk. Leading up to this day, Ashley has been yapping non stop about going to her first celebrity party but tonight, she couldn’t have been more quiet. You excused her behavior for nerves, not questioning it more. Her demeanor has been different for a few days. Ashley wasn’t one to open up quickly or talk about her problems. You only pried as much as you could before being shut out and right now you had been completely blocked off. You tried your best to ignore it, trying to focus on the night ahead of you. 

Billie is who had invited you to the party as the two of you grew close. Being the same age, doing the same job, and experiencing the same things made it impossible for the two of you not to be friends. The party was going to be filled with people you’d never met before, so you asked her if you could bring a person or two- Ashley and Pedro. It was when you told Ashley that Pedro would also be coming, that her prior eagerness for the party dissipated. 

Just as you sat down to start your makeup, Ashley finally spoke. “Y/n…I think I’m gonna skip out on the party tonight.” You lift your head to look at her through the mirror.“What, why? We’ve been talking about this for weeks.” 

 “I just don’t feel like going anymore.” She’s scrolling through her phone. “You’re such a shitty liar, Ash. What’s up? Why don’t you wanna go anymore?” You turn the spinny chair your in to face her. She put her phone down and the look on her face was one you wouldn’t ever forget. It was a look full of guilt, shame. You were trying to comfort your best friend while she was about to tell you the most heat shattering words. “I don’t think it’s smart to be around Pedro.” Your brows knit together in confusion. “Why not. I thought you guys were good now, that you liked him?” She’s fidgeting with her hands. “Y/n we kissed.” 

“Who kissed?” You ask, hoping you were misinterpreting what she was saying. “Me and Pedro.” You hadn’t misunderstood her words. 

Your heart shattered. Pedro has only been your boyfriend for a little over a month but it still hurts. You were still in the honeymoon phase, where everything felt like love even though it was just over infatuation with the new relationship. Without thinking about it, you started collecting your things to leave, gathering the makeup you just placed onto the table back into its bag. “What are you doing?” Ashley asks nervously. “I’m leaving.” She didn’t try to stop you. 

When you got home, you felt numb. There was a strong ache in your chest where your heart sits but there wasn’t an ounce of emotions flowing through you. The betrayal of the person you trusted most in this life was worse than any other pain you could think of. You spend hours laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling, when a knock finally pulls you out of whatever trance you were in. “Hey baby. Ashley texted me saying I should come check on you.” He steps into the house and follows you down the entry hall. “Oh I didn’t know you guys were on texting terms now…” You trail off for a second, not leaving Pedro enough time to say anything before you speak again. “Huh…You know, I guess it would make sense, seeing as you guys are apparently on kissing terms.” You stop and stare at him, looking dead in his eyes. He winces. “She told you about that.” The statement pisses you off. “What the fuck do you mean ‘she told you about that.’? Were you planning on keeping it a secret?” Your voice gradually rises alongside the anger in your body. “No, but I-” 

“but fucking what Pedro? You kiss my best fucking friend and then hide it from me??” Your finger hurts from the pressure of pointing it into his chest. “I didn’t kiss her.” You ignore him. “When did it happen?” “Baby, listen to me. I didn’t kiss Ashley.” He ignores you. “WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?” You scream at him, all of the emotions spilling over. You sink down to the floor, abandoning your prior standing position, and you cry. 

“I didn’t kiss her babygirl. I would never hurt you like that.” He sits down next to you, his back against the wall. You don’t speak. “It was last Tuesday, when she came over to talk to me like you asked her to. She said it was because you wanted her to like me, for us to be friends. She started acting differently and before I knew it she was kissing me. That’s all that happened baby.” He explains as he runs his fingers along the baby hairs on your forehead. “You didn’t kiss her?” You look into his big brown puppy eyes, searching for the truth. “I didn’t kiss her.” He affirms. “I promise, babygirl.” 

“Pinky promise?” He interlocks his pinky with yours. 

You didn’t speak to Ashley for two weeks after that incident. You wanted so badly to know why she did it, but in the end you didn’t think it mattered, each outcome still ended with her being a selfish person- a bad friend. You didn’t really talk things out either but you decided to forgive her. The friendship was too important to you at the time to give up but you wouldn’t let her be anywhere near Pedro again. The idea of them being friends was out the window. 

—

 “What a bitch.” His thick accent shining through extra hard with his own anger.- it makes you laugh. “I don’t even know what to do at this point. I don’t think I can trust her anymore.” he nods in agreement. “I know sweetheart but I'm here for you, no matter what you decide to do. Okay?” it's your turn to nod. “Okay. Thank you Hugh, really. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You look up at him, giving him a small smile and a quick kiss on his side. “You know what sucks more than possibly losing my best friend for good?” You ask, humor shines in your eyes. “What’s that?”

“Losing my New York tour guide.” He laughs. “You’re laughing now, but it’s serious. She created these crazy itineraries for us to be the most obnoxious tourist. Now I have to rely on my own planning skills, which aren’t great.” Hugh goes quiet for a moment. You search his face for his thoughts and he seems unsure of what he’s about to say. 

“I could..uh. I could go to New York with you. I kinda need to go anyways, been meaning to go.” He says and when you don’t speak right away, he panics. “You don’t have to say yes. I know we’ve been spending a lot of time together and I understand if you want some time for yourself..” You giggle at his overthinking. “Hugh, I would love for you to come to New York with me.” He lets out a breath you didn’t know he was holding. “Okay good. That’s great! I needed to go back a few weeks ago actually so this works out for the both of us.” 

“Why didn’t you go back when you needed to?” His cheeks go red. “Oh my god! You totally stayed because of me didn’t you?”

 “Maybe..” He admits. “I was scheduled to fly back to New York before your album party, but then you texted me. I couldn’t pass that up.” 

“You keep acting like this and you’re gonna make me fall in love with you Hugh Jackman.” A smug smile falls onto his lips. “You better.” 

The few days leading up to you leaving for New York were short. Hugh left for the city the next day, promising he would see you the moment you landed, sealing the promise with a quick kiss. You busied yourself with tour rehearsals and interview prep. It had been a lonely few days. Hugh was gone and you weren’t talking to Ashley, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You and Hugh texted daily but it wasn’t the same as being in his presence, a presence you had come to enjoy having around. You were close to saying ‘fuck it’ and be fully committed to him but a part of you was still hesitant. Too much has happened recently, it feels like you can’t think straight half the time. Your last relationship was only a few months ago, your best friend was trying to steal every man you liked, and you’re at the peak of your career. You needed a mental breather. 

LAX airport was cold and stuffy. People were walking casually towards their destination with a few runners here and there. While you loved traveling, airports made you feel uneasy. There were so many people going to the most random places on the most random days and random times. It was uncomfortable to think about. You sat there in silence, too afraid to wear headphones. You liked to know what was happening around you at all times, a freak peeve. When it was finally time to board the plane, you were already exhausted from it all. Almost seven hours later, you landed at JFK airport in New York City. Once you turn off airplane mode on your phone, you see a few texts from Hugh. He insisted that he could pick you up from the airport and take you to your hotel. Your ‘personal chauffeur” he jokingly called himself. You texted Hugh back as people hurriedly grabbed their belongings and scurried down the thin aisles. 

You: just landed! see you soon hot stuff ;)

He told you beforehand that he made arrangements to pick you up in a private area, away from prying eyes. You weren’t nearly famous enough to know what that means, so you simply followed the instructions he gave you. It was a little confusing at first, having only been in the busy airport once before. With some help from workers, Hugh was finally in your view. He had a big smile on his face with his arms open wide for you. You walked with a little pep in your step, suitcase rolling behind you. When you got close enough, you let the handle go and ran the rest of the short distance to Hughs arms. His embrace was warm and welcoming, a familiar place. 

“Missed you sweet girl.” He mumbles into your hair. You pull back slightly, arms still holding him. “Missed you too.” Your voice is shy, almost forgetting how it felt to have his attention on you. You had missed him, more than you thought you would. Hearing his voice again made life feel real again after the past mundane days you’ve endured. The walk to his car was intimate- his arm sat atop your shoulders as you walked side by side. He insisted on rolling your luggage for you and wouldn’t take no for an answer when you protested. A true gentleman. He opened the passenger door for you, making sure you were in before putting your suitcase in the trunk and hopping into the driver's side. He looked a lot more presentable than you did. He wore a pair of blue jeans and a black shirt that hugged his biceps in a way that almost made you drool. It was simple but he looked delicious. Your sweats and hoodie couldn’t compare. His beard had finally grown in, no longer the prickly stubble that rested there a month ago. It was full and you hoped he would let it grow to that length that made him look even more expensive. 

“The option to stay at my place is still on the table if you want it babe.” He says, resting his hand on your thigh as he begins to pull out of the hidden parking lot. There was something so attractive about a man driving. Hugh’s side profile was godly and him driving really did something to your brain. “That wouldn’t be very friendly of us Hugh.” You rest your hand on top of his. “I think that’s the friendliest thing I could possibly do. Offer you a place to stay while in town instead of staying in a dingy hotel.” He eggs on trying to convince you. He first pitched the idea the night he offered to come to New York with you. You immediately declined, not wanting to invade his space. You wouldn’t know how to handle it, it made things too real. He had been over to your house countless times, but you had never been to his. You thought it best to keep it that way. You weren’t sure you could control yourself around him when you were surrounded by all things him. “Nothing is ever friendly between us Hugh.” He squeezes your thigh. “I have to argue with you there baby. In my humble opinion, we are too friendly.” He glances over to you and gives you a wink. He hasn’t been afraid of letting his intentions known. To let you know that he wants you, not as a friend. You’ve seen just how bad he craved you and it was tempting. He knew he had a dangerous effect on you, one that you worked really hard to control. 

“You’re always so horny.” You mumble. “It’s hard not to be when I have a gorgeous girl like you around all the time.” God he was so good with his words. His voice and his way of speaking. It was no mystery as to why he had people swooning for him left and right- you included. “Whatever.” You open your phone to text Stacy, letting her know you landed and in good hands. It was weird flying solo. You got so accustomed to flying along Ashley or Stacy. You weren’t particularly mad at the change if it meant you got to see Hugh’s face light up just at seeing you again. “Will you at least come over once?” He asks, hopeful. “I’ve seen your house, I’d really like you to see mine. It’s where I live most of the time. It would mean a lot.” The squeeze on your thigh lingers, his grip lasting longer than the previous one. You didn’t know how to explain that you really didn’t want to do that- be in his house. You didn’t think he would understand what you mean when you say ‘it’s too much’. The desperation in his voice, the yearning he felt to have you in his home. You couldn’t say no. “Yea I can do that.” The small smile that rested on his lips grew, his face lighting up. It made your stomach twist up in knots. 

The hotel that Stacy booked for you was grand. The elegance and class in the places you’ve stayed at while traveling has never failed to amaze you. Growing up, your family didn’t have a lot of money. When you went on family trips, the cheapest hotel, usually a motel 6, was your usual nightly accommodations. The places you stayed in now would have little you screaming and running around. The whole ‘entering fame’ process had been a huge culture shock that you were still learning to navigate appropriately. 

“Hm. Not too shabby, my house is better though.” Hugh says as he sits your luggage to the side. He had put a hat and sunglasses on, trying to make it less obvious that it was him- trying to hide that it was him who was with you. The hat, sunglasses, and beard combo was doing a number on your body. It took a lot of strength to keep yourself from dragging him to the bed and riding him until you were satisfied. Though, you’re not sure that you could ever be fully satisfied with Hugh. Not because you were scared he wouldn’t be good in bed but because you knew once he had you, you would need him again and again until you physically couldn’t handle him anymore. You  felt him that one night on the couch, movie night, you knew that man was packing and that it wouldn’t take much for him to bruise your cervix.

 “Hugh, please.” You warn him. He puts his hands up in defense. “Sorry, sorry…Just don’t forget that it’s an option.” “I don’t think you’d let me forget..” You let out a breathy laugh after. Hugh sits down at a small table and watches you as you walk around, exploring the room. You unpack a few things to make it easier on yourself later. “Are you up for exploring today?” He asks as he walks into the bathroom, where you’re placing your toiletries along the vanity counter. “Oo! I’d love to explore. I have one weird request though.” You're still facing the mirror when Hugh comes up behind you. His arms wrap around your waist, sitting a little higher due to his height. “What’s that baby?” He’s watching you through the mirror, as you organize your skin care. “I wanna go to Trinity Church to see Hamilton's grave.” You say nonchalantly. Hugh laughs and questions you. “I need to sing the ‘he’s buried in Trinity Church near you’ line from Hamilton.” Hugh continues laughing. “What!?” He barely gets the words out. It somewhat offends you.  “I thought you’d understand, being a theater nerd and all but I guess not.” You cross your arms and try to break through his hold to walk away. “Mhm. I’m sorry, come back. I wasn’t trying to make fun of you. You’re just full of surprises.” You relax in his hold. 

“Does that mean you’ll take me?” You look at his eyes through the mirror. “Yea i’ll take you.” He smiles. You look at Hugh in the mirror, observing how the two of you look together. He looks really good holding you and not to toot your own horn, but Hugh and yourself made an attractive couple. He looked good on your arm and you looked good on his. “You're so pretty, baby.” He whispers. “Every time I look at you, I’m blown away that you’re hanging around with me.” His arms tighten around you. “Hmm. I think we look good together, don’t you?” You reach your neck up to look at him as best as you can given the angle. He studies your two bodies in the mirror before agreeing. “Yea we do.”

Walking around with Hugh felt freeing. You’ve been trying so hard to keep things private lately that every time you weren’t in the secure confines of your house with him, you felt panicked. It was something that crossed your mind before the two of you left the hotel but he assured you that it wasn’t very likely that someone would notice both of you. You were a little doubtful in his words, opting to dress in a way that protected you from the early fall breeze and from making it too obvious of who you were. Hugh had been right though, you both were able to walk around pretty freely, undisturbed. He brought you to trinity church first and reluctantly filmed a video of you dramatically singing the line from Hamilton. To you it was peak comedy and Hugh was being a big hater. He took you to a few of his favorite places, hidden gems. It was perfect. You wanted to hold his hand, bodies brushing against each other as you walked, but you couldn’t. The night ended by Hugh taking you to get traditional New York pizza. He ordered a large pepperoni and you both walked back to the hotel. The moment your room door was opened, you were pulling your heeled boots off. The walking destroyed your feet but you’d gone beyond your daily step goals- a win is a win. Sitting at the table with Hugh, you both grabbed a slice of pizza. He waited for you to take a bite first, looking for your reaction. When you took a bite, you let out a moan- you weren’t sure if it was because it tasted that good or because of how hungry you were. “That good?” Hugh asks in amusement. “Yes, I was starving.” He chuckles and takes his own big bite. The two of you down the entire pizza at an embarrassingly fast rate. “Did you have fun today?” He asks you. “Yea, I really did. Thank you Hugh.” 

When Hugh left, you scrolled through all of the pictures and videos you had taken today. You snuck a couple of Hugh and you might have stared at them a little too long. You watched the Trinity Church video so you could post it on TikTok. As you uploaded it into the app and were giving it one last watch before hitting post, a sound caught your attention. You grabbed your headphones and connected them to get a better listen. As you were singing, you could hear Hugh quietly laughing in the background. The sound brought a smile to your face, replaying it over and over just to hear it again. You hit the ‘post’ and called it a night. 

The next morning was an early one. You had to be at the photo shoot at five am to get ready, meaning you were out the door at four. Stacy met you down in the lobby and led you to the car she had waiting for you. “How was your first day in New York? You and Ashley have fun?” She asks as she buckles her seatbelt. “Oh, Ashley didn’t come, we aren’t friends anymore. My first day was good though, really fun.” You smile at the memories of the day prior, ignoring the small pain from hearing Ashley’s name. Stacy gives you a questioning look. You sigh before explaining, “She was being weird and it turns out she was flirting with Hugh the other day when they came to rehearsals. She didn’t even have the decency not to do it in the exact same room.” Her expression turns to an understanding one. “Well, good riddance. I knew after the first time that the girl was nothing but trouble. Good for you babe.” She types on her phone for a moment before turning her attention back to you- your staring out the window, taking in the somewhat empty streets that were full of people the night before.

“So, what did you do yesterday that was so fun?” You don’t look at her when you respond. “Hugh took me exploring, showed me the city.” She snorts. “Hugh, huh?” You look at her sheepishly. “Yea. He felt bad that I didn’t have someone to go with me so he offered.” You shrug. It wasn’t that big of a deal. “I told you.” 

“Told me what?” 

“That you wouldn’t be able to stay away from that man.” She shakes her head. You sometimes forgot just how well Stacy knows you after years of her by your side. The car comes to a stop outside of a short building, shorter than the other ones around it anyway. You sat in hair and makeup for a while, talking to the artists as they worked. You always liked making conversation with the people that helped you, it was always interesting hearing everyone's stories. The photo shoot wasn’t anything crazy. It was a well known photographer that had worked with major stars, her most recent model being Zendaya. It was a huge compliment that she wanted to work with you. It wasn’t like other shoots you had done before, this had been way more artsy and free. You were so used to doing things for brands or for your own music, where everything needed to be a certain way. It was nice to work on projects where you didn’t have to think but just be you. 

When the shoot was over, you sat in a small lobby with Stacy as you waited for the car to come pick you up. You opened tiktok to see what people were saying in the comments of your latest post. Most of them were freaking out over the laugh in the background, over analyzing it to find out who it was. There were a few comments that speculated that it might be Hugh and it made you laugh, shocked by the crazy detective skills your fans had. You kept scrolling when you saw a comment that caught your attention.

‘Y/N GET YOUR MAN UNDER CONTROL SDJFJSDF’ 

You clicked on the ‘view replies’ tab under it trying to figure out what they were talking about. Thankfully, other people were just as confused as you were with multiple ‘context?’ comments under it. 

‘look at hughs recent instagram post 😭’

In curiosity, you closed Tiktok and opened instagram. You went to the search bar, clicking on his username from your recent searched section. You click on the most recent picture making it enlarge and you let out an audible gasp. “Are you okay?” Stacy asks. You almost forgot where you were for a second. “Yea i’m fine…funny tiktok comment.” You tried to play it off, hoping she’d buy the excuse. It seems to work as she gives a small nod, looking back down to her phone. You look back down at your own device, in complete and utter shock. You knew he was built, seeing other pictures he had posted and endless edits of his greasy hawaiian rolls from Deadpool and Wolverine. 

This however seemed so much slutier. He was in, what you assumed was his home bathroom, taking shirtless pictures of himself. You could tell it had been recent because his beard and hair were the same length that it’s been for the past week. You felt frozen, not knowing what to do. He looked absolutely scrumptious. Pulling out your airpods from your purse, you put them on to listen to the attached audio. You had no fucking clue how you were supposed to look him in the eyes the next time you saw him. His voice was something special. It had the ability to make your knees weak at the sound. This was no different. It felt like he was teasing you subtly. You quickly screenshot the picture and swipe out of instagram, opening your message app. 

You: I leave you alone for less than 24 hours and you’re over here posting thirst traps for the internet… 

Hugh <3: I just wanted to thank my team. As the caption said…I am grateful. 

You: hmm you say it’s being grateful, I say it’s being a SLUT!! 

You: you look really fucking good though…

Hugh<3: 😂😂😂

Hugh<3: Thank you baby. Do I get to see you today or are you still busy? 

You: I have meetings the rest of the day :( 

Hugh<3: It’s okay sweetheart. I’ll see you tomorrow? 

You: I have fallon tmrw night but i’ll be free at 8pm if you wanna meet up then? 

Hugh<3: That works for me. Text me when you’re done for the day, okay? Talk to you later baby

The car finally stops signaling that you were at the first meeting of the day. There were endless introductions, hand shaking, and smiling. It was a lot more tiring than it sounded. Stacy was doing most of the work, covering major details for whatever was being discussed- again you mainly sat and listened. There were a few times when you really had to pay attention as key points were being made but nothing would be final until your team and lawyer looked over whatever deals were being discussed. There was a short two hour break of freedom that Stacy and yourself used to grab some food. Then it was right back to work. You were somewhat grateful for Stacy scheduling all of the heavy work stuff on one day because it meant you didn’t have to do this again on the remaining days of your trip. Stacy liked to set it up that way, giving you more time to be free from work, you loved her for it. The two of you had dinner together and went your separate ways after. You got back to your hotel at ten and to say you were worn out was an understatement. Your head was hurting from all the talking and bright fluorescent lights of each office you sat in today. 

You: I’m finally freeeee!! 

After hitting send, you hopped in the shower. The best thing about staying in an expensive hotel was how great the water pressure was. The hot water felt like heaven against your sticky skin, the thick body glitter from the photoshoot finally slipping away. You let your mind wander back to the picture that had been in your mind all day. Running your hands down your body, teasing yourself while imagining that it was Hugh’s wide hands instead. You let your hands disappear in the place that ached the most, working as your mind played the fantasies that ate away at you. You could almost feel Hugh’s mouth whispering against your ear as the feeling of ecstasy washes over your body, the running water muffling the sounds of your pleasure. 

Hugh still hadn’t texted you back when you had gotten out of the shower. It was unusual for him to take so long to respond but given the time- and his age- he was probably asleep. The downside to dating older men was their need to be in bed so early. You giggled to yourself thinking about the thought of Hugh being knocked the fuck out in bed after yawning since the clock hit 7pm. Laying in bed, you whipped out your phone opening twitter. You tweeted a quick post, reminding your fans to watch Jimmy Fallon tomorrow night. You scrolled lazily for a while, feeling the sleep take over you but when you saw one post in particular, you felt wide awake. 

‘Hugh Jackman and ex-wife seen walking around New York together a year after separation.’ 

You had no right to feel the jealousy and anger that sat tight in your chest. His ex-wife was something you were completely aware of but it was a subject neither Hugh or yourself had talked about. You understood that she would always be around, after being married to her longer than you’d even been alive. You laugh in disbelief. It sounded so stupid when you put it like that. The age gap never bothered you until you put it in perspective. You couldn’t help who you liked though. The overthinking hit faster than you could stop it. You wondered why he didn’t tell you that he was seeing her today. His smile in the picture was a little too wide, he looked too happy. He wasn’t even yours to claim, yet you wanted her to know that he had you now, that he wanted you. The vile thoughts that danced around your head were making your temper rise. You set some alarms and tried to get some sleep. Most of the night was tossing and turning, thinking about Hugh’s ex-wife. 

Hugh<3: Good morning sweet girl. I’m sorry for not getting back to you last night. I fell asleep on the couch waiting for you to text me lol 

It was what you saw first when your alarm went off. It was sent a few hours ago since you gave yourself some time to sleep in, given the trouble you had getting to sleep last night. You ultimately decided that you wouldn’t be mad at him for it, you didn’t have a reason to be. If the two of you were official, things would be different, but you weren’t. You were going to try your best to swallow the jealousy and let it be. 

You: good morning baby! I figured that’s what happened lol

Hugh<3: Are you excited for Fallon tonight? 😄

You: yea…only a tinsy bit nervous 

Hugh<3: You’re gonna crush it babe, I know it. I still get to see you after yea? Miss you

You: I miss you too :(

You: do you wanna meet at the hotel after or…?

Hugh<3: I can pick you up and we can go to my place? 

You stared at the message contemplating it. Hugh’s house was already a fear of yours but his house at night seemed a lot more intimate. You felt the need to be that intimate with him though- it was fueled by the pictures from last night, you knew it was. If that hadn't happened, you’d be saying no, making up excuses not to. You needed the validation too much to think straight. 

You: yea we can do that :)

Once you get to the Tonight Show studio, you barely have time to put your things down before you're being guided around. Thankfully, you warmed up your voice before leaving your hotel room just in case you didn’t have time to do it here. The crew had you and your dancers do a quick run through of the song to make sure everything was working before you were sent to your dressing room to get ready. Kat, your stylist, and Amari, your makeup and hair artist, were already in the room ready to get to work. You took the time to catch up with both of them, the three of you falling into a familiar routine. Your nerves started to build up as it got closer to the filming time. About twenty minutes before you were called to stage, Jimmy came back to introduce himself. He was a really sweet guy, super bubbly and humble. It eased your mind a little bit but they shot right back up when your name was called. “Y/n L/n everybody!”. The studio audience erupted in cheers as you walked to Jimmy’s desk. “Welcome to the show, how are you doing tonight?” He asks. “I’m doing amazing, thank you so much for having me.” The cheers finally slow down. “So, I got told that this is your first late night show interview, is that right?” 

“Yes, it is!” 

“I’m honored to be the first.” 

“I’m glad it’s you who popped my late night talk show cherry, Jimmy.” You joke, using your song's title as a pun, which he does his famous laugh at. The interview was going really well, most of the questions being ones you’ve answered countless times before.

“There have been a few rumors going around after a tiktok you posted the other day and I have to ask.” You nod ready for whatever question he’s about to ask. “Is the laugh behind the camera Mr. Hugh Jackman?” Your smile falters for a second before you put it right back on. This was something you weren’t prepared for at all. You let out a laugh. “The fans can keep speculating. A girl never kisses and tells.” It probably wasn’t the best answer- you know it wasn’t the best answer- but it’s all you could come up with in that moment. You just hoped no one noticed the split second your calm facade slipped, that it felt longer than it had actually lasted. 

Hugh was already there when you were free to leave, having texted him in the spare moment you had while getting changed into your performance outfit. Once you were in the car, he didn’t hesitate to ask how it went. “It was good. He uh…he asked about you.” You don’t why you were concerned about how he would respond, but you were. “About me?” He glances at you quickly before focusing on the road again. “Uhh..yeah. I posted the Hamilton video on tiktok and you can hear you laughing in it. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal but people started to guess it was you. I’m sorry.” You slump down into the seat, waiting for his anger to come but it never does. “Don’t apologize baby. I want people to know I’m with you.” He never fails at knowing what to say, his words always flow out of his mouth effortlessly. “I kinda redirected the question though, not really giving a solid answer. I don’t know, it really threw me off.” He nods. “They like to do that, be sneaky.” 

It took a little longer than expected to get to his place, New York traffic moving at a snail's pace. When you do finally arrive, he’s pulling into an underground parking garage that sits under a skyscraper that you can’t see the top of. The elevator ride up was easily the longest one you’d ever been on, his penthouse being on the 56th floor. He opens the door and turns on the light switch that is conveniently placed in the entrance. “Welcome to my home. Mi casa es su casa.” He jokes and you let out a short snort at the stupid joke. “Would you like the official Hugh Jackman house tour?” Excitement was radiating off of him and you thought it was cute that he was this worked up about you being here, in his space. “I’d love one.” He offers his hand and you take it. Your once icy hand being warmed up instantly from his large, warm one. 

As he dragged you to the living room, you started to feel that uneasiness again, like you shouldn’t be here. It kept nagging at you in the back of your head but you refused to pick at it. This was making Hugh happy, you weren’t going to ruin that because of whatever issues you were hiding. After showing you the living room, he pulls you into a large kitchen. A vase full of bright pink flowers, balloons, and a cookie cake that reads ‘congrats’ sits on the counter. You let go of his hand and walk over to the island while he stays put. You run your fingertips over the soft petals of the flowers, peonies- your favorite. “Do you like them? I uh..wasn’t sure what your flower preference was, so I chose peonies because of your song.” 

The gesture makes you emotional. You’d never had a man go out of his way for you like this. He hadn’t known what flowers you liked but he remembered your song title to fill in the blank. A song where you had one line that says: ‘you got me roses when you know I like peonies’. A song from your debut album. “I love them. I love this.” You gesture to the display. You walk back over to where he stands and reach up to grab his face, bringing it down to give him a quick peck on his lips. “This means a lot to me, thank you Hugh.” The previous perturbation vanishing from your head, that cherished easiness you felt with Hugh slips back in. You were meant to be here. 

“Shall we finish the tour?” You ask, spirits high. “Of course my lady, right this way.” He leads you room to room, giving you a mini explanation for each one. It was an average home, well average for a millionaire. It was obvious that a single, older man lived here but not in a bad way, there just wasn’t a woman's touch on the place. “This is bathroom number two, the one I use most frequently.” Something about the room seemed familiar as you looked around. There were a few art pieces on the marbled wall, a large mirror across from them. You were looking at the suspiciously large mirror when it clicked. 

“OH MY GOD!! This is the thirst trap bathroom! I can’t believe I have the pleasure of being in such a sacred place.” You move around the space in a theatrical way, pretending you were in a place of true importance. 

“Oh god…shut up.” He groans in embarrassment. “Could you reenact the moment? It would really help me get the full feel of the room.” You’re still teasing him but that question came back to slap you right across the face. You see a smirk on Hugh's face and he’s reaching his hands down and starts lifting his shirt off- but not in the practical way but in the super sexy crossed arms way. “WAIT! I was just kidding.” You practically scream at him, not mentally prepared to see Hugh shirtless in person. He stops and shrugs, turning around to leave the room. Before you can stop yourself, the horny part of your brain is speaking. “Wait no, keep going.” He slowly turns around with that stupid sexy smile of his and the raised eyebrow thing he does. The atmosphere of the small room changed instantly. He’s pulling at his shirt again, painfully slow in your opinion. As he inches it up, you analyze each slither of skin that’s freed. There is a patch of hair below his belly button leading down into his pants. A strong v-line and a thick vein practically popping out of his skin, begging to be traced with your tongue. The shirt goes higher and higher, revealing more of his chest. Each ab pops out and it’s like a gift from God right in front of your eyes. He pulls the shirt over his head, biceps flexing slightly, and drops the shirt onto the floor. You're frozen in place, not believing that this is real. 

You never have been one to believe in karma but you must have been a saint in your past life to deserve this. You see his mouth move but don’t hear a word he says. All you see is the hairy chest you’d been thirsting over, moving closer until it’s right in front of you. He grabs your cheeks between one hand and faces your eyes up towards his own. “Are you okay y/n?” He has a worry behind his eyes. 

“You’re like really hot. It’s actually frustrating how hot you are.” His grip on your face loosens as you speak. “You asked to see, I was only fulfilling your wishes.” You felt dizzy. He hadn’t even touched you and the way your whole face sits in his one hand and the way his abs are begging to be licked, had you flustered. You were drunk on Hugh. “You're wandering again…maybe I should put my shirt back on.” He goes to reach for it but you reach out, lightly grabbing his arm to stop him. “Not yet.” It’s mumbled and quiet, aimed more towards yourself than it was to him. 

Hugh stands back up, his height towering over you. You couldn’t decide if he had always been so tall. Towering over you in a way that made your heart beat faster. Your mind was battling itself: the arousal wanting nothing more than for Hugh to do whatever he wanted with you while the more reasonable side knew that there were too many things that needed to be talked about before crossing this line. The line had been crossed many times before with the kisses, touches, hand holding- the night on the couch… Sex was different. You weren’t fond of casual sex, it was too intimate an act to categorize as such. Whatever was happening between Hugh and yourself was far from casual though and you trusted him not to hurt you.

“You’re kinda scaring me here, pretty girl. Are you okay?” You couldn’t tell him that seeing his chest had sent you into a horny dazed confusion. You looked up at him, into his worried eyes. He was always so concerned about your well being and he cared so much about everything going on in your life. God, you prayed that this wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

“Kiss me please.” Your voice is shaky, unstable. “Are you sure baby?” His hands rest on your shoulders, eyes searching yours for any doubt. 

“Please Hugh. I need you to kiss me.” His once troubled eyes turned dark as he bent down, kissing you like he never had before. The kiss was messy, full of hunger. His hands trailed down your sides until they cupped under the base of your ass. He effortlessly picks you up to sit you on the bathroom counter, lips never breaking contact. You could feel his tongue prodding at the entrance of your mouth as it asked for permission to enter. Granting access, your lips open, a throaty moan draws out as you feel his tongue swipe against yours. He pulls back for a moment. “Can I take this off? Is that okay?” He asks, referring to your shirt. His usual thick australian accent was soft in his breathy voice. You nod shyly and he doesn’t hesitate to reach down. You put your arms up to aid him as he gently pulls the shirt up and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Fuck baby…so fucking pretty.” His hands cup your bra covered breast, thumbs softly trailing over your stiff nipples causing you to drop your head back with a moan of pleasure. “We never finished the tour, sweet girl.” His hands are still fondling you and you lift your head back up to look at him. “What?” 

“There’s one more room I didn't get to show you.” His hands finally drop from your chest and he’s grabbing your hand, leading you towards whatever room it was that you hadn’t seen. He opens the door and the air surrounding you smells like Hugh. It was almost enough to make you pass out, head already light and fuzzy. 

You don’t have time to look around, Hugh immediately turning you to face him, attacking your mouth once again. His hands are reaching for the button of your jeans, pulling them down slowly once he’s got them open. Hugh’s lips escape yours and trail down your neck, your chest, the sides and your body, and finally your stomach as he slowly lowers himself to sit on his knees. He lifted each of your feet, helping you out of each pant leg. At each lift of your leg, he also pulls each sock off, kissing your calves as he does so. You're left in nothing but a black bra and thong. “Mhm. Can I touch you baby?” He asks looking up at you. You nod, the position he was in, all too arousing. He practically growls at your answer and starts leaving messy kisses on your thighs, his hands gripping the back of them. His lips trail up higher, ghosting over where you needed him the most. You could feel his breath through the thin cotton of your panties. Your own breath hitches as he licks a long teasing path between your two folds, the cotton dipping into them from the weight of his tongue. He looks up at you through his lashes, asking for permission. You mouth a small ‘please’ the only word that seems to be in your vocabulary at the moment. 

His thick fingers slip between the fabric and the skin on your hip on either side of your body, pulling the soaked thong down your legs. Before he continues, he’s standing up and guiding you to the bed. “Get up there and spread that pretty pussy for me baby. Wanna see it.” You waste no time doing what he asks, climbing up the unusually tall bed and laying on your back. You don’t open your legs right away, shyness creeping in. You were almost fully exposed to Hugh, the only thing still covered being your boobs, while he was almost fully covered, only his shirt being off. “Don’t go all shy on me now baby.” He says, guiding your legs open, pussy on full display. “Fuck..look at you sweet girl, all wet for me.” His thumbs pull back each fold, exposing the pink that was partially hidden. He leans town and licks from your entrance to your clit. “Mhmm fuck.” You moan out at the feeling. His tongue felt hot against your warm center, beard tickling your skin as he moved. The sound encourages him to continue. He dives down again, tongue lapping around your needy clit. The constant pressure causes your body to jerk voluntarily. Hugh brings both of his hands to hold you down at your legs, tongue still abusing the small bud. Loud moans escape your mouth as his tongue trails down to your entrance sliding in. “Oh fuck me.” You moan out. “Your pussy taste so fucking good.” He mutters against your skin. His right hand moves from its position on your hip, his middle finger sliding down to your opening. He slowly slides it in, the small stretch feels too good. He starts moving it, hitting the spongy bundle of nerves over and over again. “Fuck baby, i’m gonna cum.” You warn him. His head dips back down, tongue returning to your clit and one suck is all it takes for you to come around his finger. You let out a string of moans and curses, Hugh never letting up until your climax is over. He does one more lap around your pussy with his tongue, cleaning everything up before moving up the bed next to you. 

“Been wanting to do that forever baby. Knew you’d have a perfect little pussy.” His words make you cover your face with your hands in embarrassment. Even with your own orgasm washing the need out of your body, you were still turned on. The sight of your slick in Hugh’s beard and the very noticeable tent in Hugh’s jeans made it worse. You sit up and go to move. “Where are you going?” Hugh asks, sitting up on his forearms to look at you. You don't respond, instead you reach for the button of his jeans. “You don’t have to do that baby.” He assures you. “I want to.” It was the first coherent sentence you’ve been able to muster and it makes Hugh fall back into the bed. You pull his jeans and boxers off in one go, too impatient to wait. His cock springs free, red and angry. It was long, thin, and veiny- exactly as you imagined it being. It made your mouth water. He had a thick patch of pubic hair and it turned you on even more, you were such a whore for hairy men. 

You sat yourself between each of his thighs, running your hands up and down them. He’s watching you as you take your right hand, wrapping it around the base of him. He sucks in a breath. You're looking him in the eyes as you lean your head down, letting your tongue swirl in slow circles around his tip. “Fuck…” You take the tip slowly into your mouth, sucking on it while your tongue still circles. Your left hand replaces the right on his dick, right hand moving down to cup his balls. “Shit..” He hisses out. “Haven’t done this in a while baby, not gonna last long at all.” He confesses but men coming fast had always been something that excited you, so you got to work. Your head dipped lower, taking more of him in your mouth while hollowing your cheeks, creating a dangerous suction on him. Your pace was steady as he moaned. “Yea baby, just like that…mmm fuck.” He was a talker and you loved it. You took him out of your mouth, moving down to his balls instead. You sucked on them as your hands worked his shaft. He was breathing rapidly. “I’m gonna cum baby….ohh fuck baby don’t stop.” You immediately moved your mouth back to his tip, sucking every drop of cum from him, not letting any go to waste. You can feel his thighs clenching next to yours. When you're confident that he was done spewing, you swallow it down happily and smile up at him. 

“You’re a dream, you know that? So fucking perfect for me.” He sighs in content as you crawl up to lay on his chest. “You really believe that?” You ask. “I really believe it, y/n. Haven’t felt this way in a long time..” You didn’t want to ask him what that meant, he would tell you eventually. “You wanna stay here tonight?” You look around, seeing the time on the digital alarm clock he had on a bedside table. It read 11:30pm. “Yea, if that’s okay.” You didn’t want to inconvenience him, even if he’s the one who asked. “More than okay sweet girl.” 

The two of you took a quick shower together, the main goal was to get clean so you could hit the hay. Hugh strayed from that a little bit at the sight of your boobs, which he hadn’t seen fully during the fun you had earlier. He gave them small kisses, worshiping them as you washed your hair. He gave you a shirt to sleep in and you opted to go commando, not wanting to put your dirty underwear back on- Hugh didn’t complain about this. His own pajamas being his boxers and nothing else. The two of you laid in Hugh’s bed, you cuddled on his side running your fingers through the hair on his chest. A silence fell over the room, sleep creeping its way in.

thank you for reading!

series taglist: @chronicallybubbly @spideybv28 @pear-1206 @robertthehoover @reidsworld @bloody-bunni666 @quillycrow @kythefangirl25 @bluetimeombre @cskidjgsjaoaknayan52782 @thewiselionessss @annagraceevanss @peterparkernotfound @rogueinmymind @samsamsantos @wolviesgirl @white-wolf-buckaroo @weskerussy @marvelgirlie-4 @honey-ros3ss @nonamevenus @nizem8 @chaimshelii @rockerchick05 @starryeddie @saylak @haytchee @godlypresley @mega-kittyglitter-1 @acescutejeans-1247 @bethexo07

Please let me know if I missed you or if the tag doesn't work! I fixed a few for this one but please let me know if it's still not working.

If you want to be added to the taglist, please comment on this post ot the masterlist for the series. thank you <3

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Vash being flustered by compliments, acting like a total loser please? Lots of “Buwuhh?! uhhh I- That’s really kind of you to-” or him spilling his drink, stumbling on nothing and trying to laugh it off, moments would be extremely appreciated. 🙏♥️

Aweeee thanks for this request!

(note I wrote this with Tristamp Vash in mind)

...........

"You know..your laugh is adorable."

In an instant, Vash fell into silence, the tips of his ears turning a pinkish hue as he stared at you from across the table. With a drink in one hand, he shakily set it down--only to clumsily spilling small droplets onto the flat surface.

But he tried to play it cool by propping his elbow over the mess, smiling. "Ahaha..thanks. That's...actually very nice of you to say. Most people think my laughs are "evil", but-"

"Oh that's nonsense." You leaned over a bit, smirking as you could see the nervous sweat beginning to manifest along your partner's hairline. "That's because they don't know what genuine laughter is. One as joyous as yours is so hard to come by these days. You've been through a lot. Endured things that would easily kill a person's spirit. And here you are, still finding ways to laugh and smile and see the good in others."

"Well..I..I think I deserve to do that every once in a while."

"Of course you do. Your smiles are brighter than the damn sun...and your hair, for that matter. But all that kindness and hope? Your emphasis on "love and peace"? That's attractive."

Your wink is what nearly sent the Humanoid Typhoon over the edge, as he squeaked in surprise at your words, before noticing Meryl, Roberto, and Wolfwood at their own table, having a chat about the worms in the sand and sky...only for their gazes to land on him.

Knowing smirks appeared on their faces when they realized what was going on.

You were flustering the hell out of Vash.

It only made his growing blush worsen, and he sheepishly threw his hood over his head to hide it, turning back to you. "Th-They're watching us, you know.." He mumbled.

"So what? Let them watch. They already know how smitten you are over me, anyway." You chuckled and reached a hand out. His advanced prosthetic fingers instinctively reached back, intertwining their coldness with your warmth. "I love your arm, too. It's amazing, perfect...just like you, honey."

"Ah...! Thank you...h-honey. Haha.." At this point, he knew he lost the war..you were just too damn good at this. Pushing away your compliments was useless now, so he resolved to just covering his face with his free hand.

His heart was hammering uncontrollably, and for once in his life..it wasn't due to the adrenaline of fleeing from gun-totting bandits or cyborgs.

It was because of love.

The very thing he hoped to stand for.

Ever since getting together with Vash, and learning how hard he often was on himself..you made it your mission to let him know how much you adored him.

He was afraid you'd be scared off by the bounty on his head, or the fact he had to constantly be on the move...or that a whole town could turn on him at the drop of a hat....or that twin brother of his would find you two.

But you've made it clear time and time again that you weren't leaving his side no matter what, and by god you were sticking to that promise even when he attempted to push you away a few times before.

You'd go anywhere in No Man's Land, unless it wasn't with him.

The moment he realized you're in this for the long run, you helped him let his guard down a little, defending his name and trying to show him common traditions of human couples--or at least..whichever ones you could recreate on this planet.

Even when you weren't around him, people would ask what "horrors" you've faced during your encounters with the "terrifying" Vash the Stampede, imagining you barely escaping with your life while he smiles and laughs at the mass destruction and death that surrounds him..

But what they don't know (and probably never will) is that his smiles and laughs were simply the products of your endless ways of complimenting him...such as right now.

You had this man--who had the power to bring down an empire if he wanted to--stammering over his words, acting incredibly shy, and being unusually giggly. And he's barely touched a drop of liquor since your small group stopped in the bar for refuge from the desert heat.

Some of the patrons wondered how drunk he was to be acting the way he did, while others looked upon you two with fondness, now convinced that love may not be dead just yet.

As long as Vash was here, that will continue to exist, and you'll be there to show him that he's worthy of it, too.

[hotchfiles]

third. damn your love.

pairing: james x fem!reader.

content warnings: james being kind of an ass, cheating on lily, lily will be probably shit talked (i luv her i'm very sorry !), mistress!reader, uhhh cursing, not totally AU but like... canon divergent i would say. probably hurt/no comfort unless i switch the ending but--

worth mentioning: reader insert with no use of names or “y/n”. paragraphs completely in italic are flashbacks. pro quidditch player!james. muggle born!reader.

word count: 1,2k

chapter 3

      Days had passed since the last time you spoke to James, and if it was up to you, things would stay as they were. But it had never been that way. Everything would always depend on James' desire. You rarely tried to communicate with him, afraid his girlfriend would catch you both. That was also why you didn't seek for him. You remained quiet, waiting for him or, on days like these, waiting and hoping he wouldn't show up.

      You were still very much upset about what happened last time, but unfortunately, you were more disappointed in yourself than actually angry at James. You simply hated the power you let him have over you, hated how much you wanted to do or say something and still giving in to his whims. It was as if everything changed when he got too close, as if it were just the two of you in the vastness of the universe, no one to interfere.

      Even so, you were getting tired of it, just as you had grown tired of trying to discuss what you were and what future you had continuing such a relationship. You were beginning to realize that the person who might be messing things up was you; after all, you were the mistress, not Lily. They were the happy couple and you were the one meddling where you shouldn't.

      You shook your head quickly, trying to forget such thoughts, you were taking advantage of the solitude of the night, surrounded by photos and documents from work, you had decided about a month ago to change the way your department was dealing with its archive, but still hadn't had the time to do it, mostly because of work itself but also... Because of James. You rolled your eyes at the realization that you were thinking about him again and turned back to the photos.

      Your department mostly archived the obliviations revolving everything around what happened and not who it happened to. It was a good way to actually find the files you might need, but when it got to the file what really matters is the people. Who were the muggles, where do they live, how do they live, why were they exposed. And those details were too scattered around. Some of your colleagues said you just cared too much about the muggles you wiped the memories from, which you did, but it was also a matter of organization.

      Before you had a chance to lie down after all the work you've been doing, you heard a frantic knocking at the door, and given it was 2 A.M, you knew who it was. You take a long, deep breath and debate whether you should open it or not, but seeing that the lights were still on and he would notice them, you felt like you had no choice, even if that wasn't entirely true.

      You mentally cursed yourself and opened the door, his hands were quick to push you against the wall, slamming the door close with his foot as his lips worked your neck.

      "James..." Putting both hands on his chest, you prepared yourself to push him away, trying to find the strength to get him out of there. "Stop," it came out weakly, much more than you intended to, almost letting yourself be carried away by his touches.

      But then, a flash of awareness came back to you as you heard him groan, everything you thought about earlier and everything you wanted to say to him with it, you felt your strength return and pushed him away, looking at him showing as much seriousness and firmness as you could master, your breath still uneven.

      "Come on, honey, we've moved past this little game of you pretending you don't want me and denying me, come here," he said, approaching you again. You watched him come closer once more and moved aside, walking towards the kitchen. You needed to drink something if you were really intending to continue with this.

      Sure, your first option had been to avoid him for at least a couple of weeks so you could organize your thoughts, but it was simply impossible to avoid James.

      "We need to talk," you said coldly after filling one of your largest wine glasses. You heard him sigh, took a sip of the drink, and felt a knot in your stomach when you saw him sit at the small kitchen table. You were definitely not expecting that. You were absolutely sure he would deflect and try to take you to bed, as he had done the last time you said those words. Seeing him willing to talk hit you hard, and you lost the words you wanted to say, resorting to the first ones that came to your mind.

      "You disappeared," you shrugged.

      "As if you weren't used to it," James raised an eyebrow in your direction and looked at your glass. He knew your didn't drink casually, only if you were nervous. "If you must know, I wanted to come earlier, but Lily wouldn't leave my side after I turned down Wimbourne's offer. So we're like, totally wasting time."

      "You seemed so sure. What changed your mind?"

      "Just decided not to keep rubbing her the wrong way. Know her well enough, don't feel like dealing with her making my life hell over a stupid transfer."

      You felt an unfamiliar anger take over you. You absolutely hated the way he talked about her, as if she was the worst person to be with, such an annoying, bad girlfriend. If she was so bad, why was he with her and not with you?

      You drank the remaining contents of your glass in one go, sighed loudly, and looked at him, taking in every detail of him—the curls, the lips, the glasses you liked so much, the tired eyes but never without that sparkle you knew so well. Watching him always calmed you down in some way, but it didn't work as you thought it would. You were too tired.

      "You're a bloody bastard," you were firm but he shrugged, smiling slightly. "Not a joke. You're a dickhead. And I've let myself be made a fool by you. I've let you into my house, complaining about your girlfriend, and I've let you use me for almost an year now, hoping that you would change."

      You shouted what had been stuck in your throat for so long, and he got up, realizing how serious you actually were.

      "You agreed to this," he said coldly, crossing his arms and biting his lower lip. "We haven't been a couple for years, and we agreed on that."

      "Bollocks! You came to my apartment and intoxicated me with your stupid scent, with your touches, your voice. You know I've never been able to get over you, and you take advantage of that when you're fed up with her."

      You ran your hands over your face in agony, trying to control the tears that were already inevitably trying to escape your eyes. You passed by him awkwardly and went to the living room, sitting on the sofa.

      "Where are you trying to go with this?" He asked from the kitchen.

      "Where are we trying to go with this?" You replied back, looking at the floor, and silence was your only answer. "What am I to you? We spent almost four years not being friends, talking to each other once in a while and meeting at some parties because of Sirius and Rem. Then last year, you show up at my door drunk, saying you need me. What am I to you? Come on, tell me."

      "You're my best friend, and apparently, you're in a bad mood, on your period or something," he said, leaving the kitchen, and you watched him leave, frustration building up in your stomach. "I'll call you later when you're back to yourself."

      "Yeah, go away! You never talk when you know you're wrong anyway, bloody coward," he slammed the door behind him after he left and you got up, even angrier, grabbing one of the vases from your shelf and screaming in frustration as you threw it at the door, breaking it in tiny pieces that now covered the floor.

      You looked at him with tears in your eyes and you knew surely that James could feel how hurt you were by his actions, and that was your intention, you were silent, not having said a word to him since he had arrived to your house, despite his countless attempts to talk to you and apologise, your stubbornness was lasting almost an hour now and you knew he was about to lose his temper, so you decided it was time to speak before you weren't in the right anymore.

      "Where were you?" Your voice was low, tired, frustrated, and you had all reason for that, leaving you alone in the hospital's waiting room while your mum was freaking out all over the place seemed like a reasonable reason to be upset.

      "Quidditch practice, c'mon, try looking into this from my perspective." James tries to get close to you again and you move away, wiping away the tears that were stubborn enough to keep rolling down your cheeks, you cross your arms and he scoffs at your denial.

      "And what's that, really? Using that bloody mirror so I could tell you my father had a heart attack and I needed you, and then proceeding to continue to play? Is that it?"

      "What? No… I'm new to the team, I can't tarnish my name by running out of training." You roll your eyes and it's your turn to scoff, throwing your arms up in the air, not believing what you're hearing. "Don't do that, listen to me, take me seriously. My grandfather's heart went through worse countless times, and he was always fine. I knew your dad would be fine."

      "Yes, I remember, because I was by your side during all those times." You don't even mention how different it was just by the fact your dad was a muggle, in a muggle hospital, no healing magic to help. You glanced at the clock, it was late and you were both alone, your mom forcing you to stay there and rest; you feel your eyes wet and don't bother trying to stop them from falling, "James, as a friend, you're my best friend, if you're not going to be with me when I need you, who will? Will quidditch always be above me, above us?"

      "Please don't talk like that, honey." He runs a hand through his hair in frustration and sits down next to you, lowering his head and covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry, you're right."

      "Because if it's always like this, maybe we should break up," you say at once, feeling your heart clench and holding back the sobs that join the tears.

      "You're tired, go to bed, I'll make you some tea, I'll stay here in case you need me in the middle of the night." He ignored what you said completely, getting up and going into the kitchen. Part of you felt relieved that he hadn't accepted the suggestion, but a large part was annoyed that he'd simply run away from confrontation, that he'd been such a coward.

      It had always been quite rare for you and James to actually fight, maybe that wasn't a good thing, considering you kept everything inside until you exploded, but while you were dating it was quite pleasant, when you disagreed on something, one of you would always give in; but when you did fight, it was unbearable, James had always been cold during fights, always the type to leave before finishing the conversation, while you were the explosive and impulsive one, talking way too much without thinking, yelling more than you probably should, and then you wouldn't speak to each other for days because of it.

      From past experience, you imagined he would disappear for a while, so you sighed and switched off the lights, heading to your room, more than ever you just wanted to sleep, sleep for a few good hours and put your mind at rest, but you knew yourself too well to know that after what happened, you would definitely end up dreaming about James, but you hoped it would be something good, something that would relax you at least during your sleep.

      Just before falling asleep, you remembered to reply the e-mail your mother had sent you during the day, saying how much your dad and her were loving their visit to France and were thinking about staying to help your aunt with her restaurant. Your heart ached when you realized it wasn't a joke, your mom saying at the very end that she knew you had your own exciting life but that they would love to have you with them there.

      A chance to run away.

tag: @xcinnamonmalfoyx @dreamsygirl

[sonicjustbecause]

Shadow's talent, his many weak spots and his defensive tactics (Sonic Adventure 2)...

I want to analyze how Shadow deals with people in the early videogames, where he is a more well rounded, balanced characters. I think he is interesting because behind all his bravado he seems to me quite afraid of people, he is always tense around them (he gets more relaxed if you catch his curiosity). That's not the first post about this, hopefully.

With Eggman. Shadow does mindgames. Although he has the upper hand, he tends to avoid to look at him.

Shadow is an amateur manipulator. He is talented (In fact he succeeds all the time with Eggman. Notably, Eggman is a psychopath and gets fooled by a kid that is not) but he is rough.

Fast glance at Amy, less than one second. Avoids to look at her despite being honest and despite Amy being harmless. Stressed.

Sonic Heroes, stressed again even though nobody wants ho harm him.

Fast glance at Rouge then, is like he is trying to hide away as much as he can... stressed, sad.

Now this is interesting - Rouge is more confident than Shadow and does mind games on him:

Shadow all confident and menacing but Rouge is unscratched.

Unlike Shadow, she doesn't try to hide when under pressure

Shadow resorts on childish insults... this show the difference of a well trained, class A manipulator (Rouge) VS an amateur like Shadow. He can fool Eggman into making him doing what he wants. he can turn Sonic's grumpiness against him but he can't play mindgames with Rouge so he attacks the way a kid he actually is does...

And then? His trademark 'now leave me alone!' attitude (This is one of the things I loved about the early Shadow, that mix of insecurity and just not truly being into fight until needed. Unlike nowadays, if he could, he preferred to avoid to fight. Mindgames were his true territory and as they say, there always is somebody who is better than you in your field).

Rouge got him. Shadow was also characterized as curious. She got his attention and then the upper hand. I think right now she understand what Shadow is like and how to deal with him. Shadow on the other hand...

He freezes and stops to talk. maybe he does this when he can't protect himself by turning away.

Eggman's call saved him at this point (though not on purpose).

Out from Rouge's speel, resorting on treathing words.

She still has the upper hand, he can't escape. Shadow is ready in his defensive position.

'No doubt' - 180°, total defensive stance.

Shadow never glances to Rouge once despite sharing his purpose. This is also tle last time he talks to her before the incident.

When comfortable he is (used to be) different... steady glance, genuine confidence, even friendly and open when confortable enough, it was just hard to get him there.

And Sonic could do that. he was himself all the time, grumpy, mysterious, but always sincere. I love the spontaneity of this gesture. This was Shadow too.

I want to show you one thing before going to other (early games). Look at Shadow posture tensing up when he shuts himself

That glare is actually defensive. Shadow stares at Rouge but his position is disadvantaged. Is like when a scared cat puffs his fur and hiss to look more menacing (Shadow is using primordial human language here. The hedgehog language would be... uhhh... hilarious?)

[dailymothanon]

HAWAI’I ⁉️ This design was made by my girlfriend and I’ve wanted to draw her for quite some time and it goes so hard I think about it often, god bless her design skills 🙏 I hope y’all love this hawai’i design too cuz I dig it so much and and and uuh. Listen. She’s just so pretty

(history rant below btw)

alright alright I KNOW I talk about Alaska to death but I’m just real passionate sometimes, and I think alaska’s history is heavily disregarded, so this time I’m gonna talk about the Aleutian islands

to start off the natives of the Aleutian Islands are the Unangan and Sugpiaq so keep that in mind

To show y’all how devastating Russian contact was by itself for them, in over the course of just 50 years, the native population of the Aleutians dropped by 80 percent. EIGHTY PERCENT. By both violence and European disease

one of the biggest events that broke the Aleutian natives back of resistance was the Awa’Uq, or Refuge Rock Massacre. Literally devastating shit, there’s not even a definitive number to how many natives were killed, from the range of 300 - 3,000. Those people were all men women and children, man. What triggered this? No idea, I couldn’t find anything, it was just something they chose to do i guess. Some jumped to their deaths trying to escape, men were forced into slavery, and women and children are taken as hostages to ensure the men’s cooperation, terrible terrible stuff. This process was continued all throughout everywhere the Russians went in Alaska as well. Also, the bodies were never buried, they were just abandoned and disrespected and no one could even come back there from all the decay and smell.

Awa’Uq means “to become numb” or “where one becomes numb”

And in this event, it was caused by only 130 Russians. They suffered no casualties.

that massacre happened in 1784, btw, so to put perspective on that, this is the same year The Continental Congress ratified the Treaty of Paris, establishing the United States as an independent and sovereign nation, so Alaska’s been around for quite some time

There were obviously more stuff but I think I should space these tidbits around in future posts and also cuz I’m too tired to type anymore currently 😌 uhhh. I apologize for being a lil more serious with this rant, again, I think Alaska’s history is too forgotten and overlooked as just a “oh Alaska was a part of Russia” and that’s all, and that makes me a little upset that that’s all we’re shrugged off as

Overall, I’d say, Alaska stopped having huge devastating events by the 1990s or early 2000s, but I think a huge fear of Alaska’s is that he is afraid of history like that jumping all out again, feeling all terrible like that, being dreadful of things going bad all over again. Especially because no one’s gonna help (perhaps that’s just what he thinks), unlike the Lower 48 who have each other, surrounded by people that could help, yknow? I like deep conversation sometimes guys

[yellowbluemoonshine]

The Mystery of Fontaine and Furina and Others;

I love the concept of hydro, its about justice, its about drama and most importantly, emotions. (Region is inspired from France). It makes sense because justice is about empathy, about caring about victims, its about emotions but sometimes, its also related to sempaty, the drama, because thats what happens when you are overflowing with emotions. Which perfectly fits Furina, the Hydro Archon. She is very emotional character but she hides that side of her for the sake of her land. She seems full of herself from outside but actually, very insecure and sensitive. Its important to remember that we didnt meet the Furina when she is not on public yet so we will see.

This sitution is most likely, its related to prophecy. I wonder, the reason is trials? The way trials work? The sin might people seeing other people's misery as entertainment or maybe the mysterious Oratrice, that somehow knows who is guilty, who is innocent. Maybe Furina was very afraid of not finding true justice, very scared of sending innocent people to prison, that she started to rely on this machine but it end up resulting water's overflowing? Furina seems to know why or at least has an idea whats going and she seems to handling things on her own way but it seems to fail miserably. Or maybe this land suffers from self-fullfilling prophecy. They or Furina believe and pay attention to prophecy too much that they unconciously turn it into reality. Maybe its related to 'overflowing emotions, the tears'. Furina's design is, her necklace, especially her eyes are include tear design too so yeah.

Freminet talks about Furina in his voicelines;

'Uhhh...I am in no position to give a well-rounded opinion on the Hydro Archon..so......I'll pass..I mean..I've only seen her a few times..So I am sure I have a..somewhat skewed view of her.' 'Okay…Fine…I've seen what the Hydro Archon's like when she's sitting in the audience…In my view..she's a very charismatic speaker..But its her silence that intrigue me more…Her eyes..They are like the darkness at the bottom of ocean..Hiding a-deep secret..afraid of anyone ever getting close to her…Uhh. Sorry..I…I let my imagination get better of me...' (Source)

First of all, kudos to Freminet for being the only person who actually understand Furina, somehow.

All this talk about Furina by Freminet and the trailer picture might be important clue in the future. Maybe Freminet will be one of the first ones who will find out Furina's secret.

Lyney mentions that his 'naive' brother Freminet believes in fairy tales' in his voiceline but i wonder what is this fairy tale he is talking about, maybe it is really true and its related to Furina's secret, as reference to Furina being fairy since her design also resemble it.

This hydro archon quest is really dark, both with people turning into water as experiment and Lyney and Lyneytte's backstory. While they might be good people (which we can see with their relationship/gratitude with Cesal) and they still have their own agenda as fatui members.

We dont know what Arlecchino is planning but Wanderer and Childe said she is wolf in sheep clothes in his voice lines so most likely, she uses twins and other orphans for her plans but we will see. Its also interesting that every fatui member is doing something? with their own homeland. Signora with Venti in Mondstad, (Not sure about Liyue part), Scara with Ei in Inazuma, Dottore with Nahida in Sumeru and now, Arclecchino with Furina in her own homeland Fontaine? I wonder this is all planned by Tsaritsa or she just lets them take revenge on their homeland as they please. Well, we will see.

Neuvillette is really look and act like Hydro Zhongli. I thought he might be Edgeworth like Ace Attorney Game since game is turning into one (more realistic version, thankfully but he seems softer than he looks, maybe more mature version of him). He seems a lot more human/passive than it seems but also powerfull secretly. Its also been theorized that he might be hydro dragon, elemental creature and if thats the case, he seems to hiding this for some reason, (wonder if he hides this from Furina too), and he secretly cries/being sad and thats why rain starts.And i think its worth to remember that for some reason we never see 'guilty/not guilty' results, he is the only one who looks at results or maybe there are no results at all and he makes it up? If he is elemental creature, he might also be related to Primordial sea or at least, he might know something about it. We will see.

And Childe backstory, him somehow awaken something and it seems to be relating people's disapperance with water. And his dream in deep sea. Very interesting. I love how he randomly shows up and meets with traveler and he sure is close to being one of the main characters in the story. And the fact that he will stay in prison until 4.1-4.2 is very funny, lol. You wait for us, Childe.

And my general opinion about the characters; I really love Furina, just like Ei, she is very interesting deep character. She is also very entertaining and i love her design. She is my favorite archon. Cant wait to get more of her. I like Lyney, Lynette and Freminet but for now, i love Lyney the most, compared to them, he is such a cute, gentleman. Childe is of course, one of my faves and he definitely should interact with Furina and others more, lol. I am notr with Neuvillette and Clorinde and cant wait to find out about them and his dynamic with Furina. Navia is design is very good and character too but i wish she get less screentimes in archon quest since this is not Navia quest, lol. Generally, i love the animation, characters, music, concept, and story. And hydro is my favorite element, i love everythig about it. Anyway, we will see with other characters/things later so for now, thats it.

[theforestwisperings]

Idk how to name this post, like, really

I was just having this on mind those days.

Honestly, I don't know if there's making any sense at all.

Disclaimer: this is just... A thinking (I don't even have the intention to call this a "theory" or something)

This is NOT CANON and doesn't have the intention of spread misinformation. If you want to know more about yaelokre's world, check their social media!

Having a silly thought nodaways about that the animals that represent everyone of the larks are truly attached to their personality.

So I want to make my own interpretations of the personalities of the larks based on the animals/concepts that the masks involved.

This Is just basically speculation okay? Don't took this so seriously and, I repeat this is not canon and doesn't have the intention of spread misinformation

Kingsley.

If I'm not wrong, the mask of Kingsley represents nature. So I think that Kingsley is a free child. They doesn't understand about norms or what is really correct or incorrect.

They doesn't have any binding to anything. They live in their own terms and is happy with that. Kingsley probably have a very sensitive heart, that they hide with silliness and an actitude of "no worries". They appreciate calm, and maybe sometimes they know things that doesn't belong to them.

Kingsley itself represents freedom. The childish freedom

Clémentine

The mask of clémentine is a goat, a cute silly one. I personally love the Symbolism of the goats. Goats usually have a stubborn personality. To me, a symbol of rebellion

I think that is obvious that Clémentine have a marked personality. They're a little bit Stubborn, with a sense and necessity to live in their own terms. Even if they're not as cole, have a full knowledge about what is wrong or right and feel pressure of making things "right". Hate rules and usually doesn't follows that

Clémmie itself represents freedom, but not in a childish mood like Kingsley. Their represent more of the need for freedom, the Absence of that.

Cole

Cole is Represented with a hare. Particularly, the rodents have a very interesting quality and that's that, they have a tendency to prefer to hide Instead of attack their predators.

Canonically We have a few knowledge about cole's personality. That afraid actitude towards people can be really associated to the hide response that animals like hares and bunnies have.

They're wild. They live in their own terms, but afraid of the thinking about what the others thinks about me? Clever, pretty intelligent, is a creature that never make a step without thinking of it about a thousand times.

Cole represents the hide. The sensations around being hide an the comfort and control that you can fell in that. Is also a representation of wild, a child that doesn't have any control. An uncontrolled afraid freedom

Perrine

Perrine is represent with a moose. Uh, I don't really know too much about this magestic animals, but I have one thing clear. They're the representation of wisdom.

Perrine have a strong felling of protection. They're always wanted to protect. To be the voice of the conscience in the band. Even if they do that job good or not, that characteristic silence sometimes is harmful for them.

But when Perrine explodes, sometimes have a tendency to hurt every one surrounding them. That's why they always try to being on calm

Perrine is a representation of wisdom, but also a representation of silence. Of all the things that involves silence, the harmful part but the powerful part of silence

Autor notes:

WELL I END THIS.

I hope everyone enjoys this little uhhh idk how to call it.

I always have struggles with Tumblr. I don't understand the sistem of savings post and stuff. (I accidentally publicate this without ending properly, now I'm editing in a private post, and when I get outside to watch other post, THE PART OF PERRINE WAS LIKE A HALF i was viscerally crying)

Also I am dizzy while I'm working on this. My physical health have some issues today. I don't like it, is overwhelming.

I hope you enjoyed this little text!

Affectionate headbumps, Calli 🐐✨

[t0ast-ghost]

HIIII Episode 10 (Dagger Of The Mind) time! I made it to ten! Now only… one.. seven… twenty… seventy four episodes to go!

Here’s the review:

- remember kids; when trying to beam something down to a penal colony they have to remove their shields first

- that is a whole ass man.. HOW DID YOU MISS THAT WHOLE ASS MAN

- no but seriously even airports can check for human tissue like- I forgot this was made in the 60s I’m stupid stfu t0ast

- “more like a resort colony” my ass, Kirk

- BONES!!! He just kinda stands on the bridge (for no reason) and stares at what’s happening (at Jim)

- wow two redshirts dead in five minutes

- okay Bones walks over to Spock FOR NO REASON and I’m pretty sure he just wants to bicker

- my name is WHAT my name is WHO my name CHICKACHICKA Van Gelder

- why would destroying one control panel kill the ship?!? Design flaw imo

- “that doesn’t ring true” what are you a truth detector? I thought he was a doctor

- I love Bones “going against” Kirk (he’s smiling the whole damn time) and Spock backing him up

- “oh yeah I’m sending down Dr. Noel” REVEAL SHES A WOMAN OH MY GOD

- why’d he need to bring Spock down to the transporter room? Emotional support? He’d miss his boyfriend?

- Lethe? Isn’t that the river of uhhh- ummm ugmmm… I forgor

- I like whatever was happening with the light in Lethe’s eyes

- awwwe Spock and Bones working together

- STOP CUTTING OFF DR. NOEL

- WHY WOULD YOU STAY THERE OVERNIGHT?!? Kirk would NOT survive a horror movie. He’d be first to die (comment down below)

- McCoy is like “Our boyfriend could be in danger, use your damn mind magic”

- OHHH OKAY I SEE WHY VULANS MEDITATE. The words he speaks to Van Gelder are a lot like being lead through meditation

- I LOBE THIS SCENE! The dialogue from Van Gelder, the movements and prompts from Spock, MCCOYS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

- Kirk catapulting into danger right after they TOLD HIM NOT TO

- “and now she’s gone” “helen” I thought he was gonna shout or smt so when he just said “helen” it got me

- you know how this would be so much more tragic? If (canonically) Kirk was dating someone else aboard the ship *cough* you know *cough cough* and then the evil doctor implanted the idea he was in love with Dr. Noel and then him having to deal with the idea of loving both her and the other… anyway

- “Kirk to enterprise.. ughhkghjkk”

- He is literally the worst.. girlfailure

- people are too good at hiding in plain sight

- KIRK NOT AFRAID TO PUNCH A BITCH

- she- she just killed a guy.. good for her

- THE FUCKIN- the sitcom ass look Spock gives Jim like “oh really dr Adams did this”

- MCCOY!!! yeah he’s around. HE’S DEAD JIM MOME- oh no “he’s dead, captain” goddamnit Bones

- “can you imagine the mind emptied by that thing. Without even a tormentor” was a line most definitely meant for Spock and Bones but Dr.Noel saying “I understand” reminds me that she is indeed there not just observing but participating

- Bones just causally leaning against the back of his chair

- does he know? Does he even know that most medical officers don’t normally lean like that against your chair?

- OMG I SAW A POST ABOUT THE “it’s hard to believe a man could die of loneliness” “not when he’s sat in that room” AND THEN KIRK LOOKS OVER TO SPOCK AND SMILES

- he’s so surrounded by loved ones bro is beaming

Anyway all in all a good tenth episode!

I made a master list of all my Star Trek tos thought posts :D

[senblades]

hi! i love fftsr and i really enjoy the dynamics between everyone and their personas so i wanted to ask how you decided to characterise the personas/their dynamics and if you had envisioned how the other thieves interact with their personas as well?

sorry if this question is weird 😭 keep up the good work!!

interesting question...

(uhhh I didn't think this would happen with this question but SPOILERS FOR UP TO CHAPTER 46 OF FFTSR)

To be honest, the ony dynamic that I put a real degree of thought into is the Akechi & Robin & Loki dynamic- I wanted neither persona to be entirely good or rational, or one side representative of 'being evil' or whatever. Akechi's problem, is that his thoughts, feelings, and ideas so often contradict eachother, and he is entirely unable to reconcile that. So even when Robin and Loki do agree, Akechi is more likely to ignore them than take thier advice.

Of course, just because I didn't put too much thought into it doesn't mean I'm pulling all the other dynamics out of my ass lmao:

Sumire takes second place for "Persona who talks the most"- Ella, for the most part, is a supportive force that also isn't afraid to call Sumire on her bullshit. Whether or not Sumi listens is another matter entirely. This sort of stems from how Sumire's third awakening is her final resolve to stand on her own, to reject Maruki's reality despite all it could give her, to be unapolagetically Sumire for the rest of her life- So her persona is a force to remind her of that vow, when she starts slipping into her anxieties and her tendency for avoidance.

Haru doesn't get a lot of POV scenes, but her awakening was very fun for me to write. Since I've taken Haru in a direction that is distinctly angry, I wanted Milady's words to reflect that anger at her circumstances, and the need to break from it.

Ren doesn't chat with Arsene often enough for me to remember much of what he says HAHA- he doesn't have the same influence on Ren's character the same way that Akechi and Sumire's persona's do. When he does talk, however, it's usually to quip or be a smartass- a trait which I've quietly yoinked from how people tend to characterise Arsene/Shadow Ren- as, simply, the essence of Joker.

And, now that Ren has also resolved the whole Crow situation, his dynamic with Metatron is pretty much that Metatron is a forceful reminder of the kind of thinking that got Ren to make poor descisions in the first place. Metatron often speaks up any time that Ren tries to justify taking Maruki's deal, spoken with all the snark and fury of the real Akechi.

Most of the PT haven't had POV scenes, but Futaba and Makoto certainly have!

For Futaba, any time Necronomicon speaks up is usually when Futaba is trying to avoid something. Stemming from her awakening, Futaba's vow to never allow lies to decieve her again is reflected in her persona, and especially when she tries to decieve herself.

For Makoto- I actually can't remember if Johanna has spoken in a previous chapter, or if she's going to speak in an upcoming one, but Johanna's shtick also stems from Makoto's awakening. Makoto's vow was to not be trampled by authority, to ensure that she can be herself even in a society that aims to push her in a box. Johanna will speak up if Makoto is becoming complacent, if she tries to take the easy way out.

Uhh that's pretty much it! For the other PT's personas, I would similarly draw from their awakenings to decide what I would want them to say. For the most part, though, everyone's personas start getting chatty when their wielders aren't being true to themselves.

FUCK I FORGOt about Maruki. HAHA I wrote Azathoth as being a cryptic peice of shit, mostly. That kind of 'cult leader talk' is the kind of shit he pulls in canon, and I saw no reason to change that.

Shadow Maruki, on the other hand, is a more true reflection of the man himself- an echo of who he was in the original timeline. Shadows and personas are two sides of the same coin, but how they present themselves does vary. They're archetypes, rather than a 1:1 of their wielder's personality.

aaand that's all I got! ty for the ask! <3 <3 <3

[hoffmannwrites]

On My List

1  - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 + 1 Masterlist

Author’s Note: Look at me! New fic, new fandom, new style, ouhhh! So new, so shiny! Anywho, this is a 5+1 fic based off THIS text post which has been rattling around in my brain for weeks. Thank you @stevietruther for the insufferable thoughts in my brain.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson

Description: 5 Times Steve and Eddie kiss as friends, and one time they don't.

Warnings/Tags: Everyone lives, Nobody dies, 5+1, Kissing, Fluff, Idiots to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, some pretty brief mentions for drinking, smoking, being inebriated (the gang is drunk here but nothing too bad, just in a fun way), uhhh they're gay your honor, no beta we die like Barb, let me know if I missed anything?

You Spin Me Right Round

One

The first time Steve and Eddie kiss is also the first time Steve kisses Robin and Eddie kisses Argyle. It’s just the older members of the party and a few random acquaintances that tag along, and there ain’t shit to do but get high and drunk and play party games. Later into the night, when everyone is inebriated enough to feel comfortable around each other and they have managed to lose both beer pong balls, Vicki suddenly perks up, chest a blotchy bright red under her button up. “We should play spin the bottle,” she announces, feigning bravery with a hopeful glance in Robin’s direction. 

“Oh fuck, seriously?” complains Steve, who is already doing a mental inventory of the people there and how terrible it would be to kiss all of them. Well, most of them, at least.

“What? You afraid someone’s gonna realize that Big Bad Sex God Harrington isn’t actually all he’s cracked up to be?” teases Eddie, pushing his shoulder into Steve’s with a huge smile on his face. 

“No- that’s not- I just…the ratio is off!” Steve sputters, going hot under the collar. He knows that at least one of the girls is a lesbian and the other is his ex girlfriend and the OTHER is the girl his best friend has a crush on. And as he has this thought, his eyes shift to Robin who is wringing her hands in her lap, not looking anyone in the eye. Oh. Oh. This is her chance. To kiss Vickie without any one thinking too much about it. To see if Vickie is as into her as she is. To see if there are sparks, without any pressure. Because it’s just a drunken game. 

“We’re actually gonna motor,” says Jeff, getting up off the floor and pointing to the two Hellfire members behind him. “As much as I would LOVE to stay and lock lips with Munson, some of us have actual jobs in the morning. And Gareth is 1 beer away from ralphing on Harrington’s front lawn.” Gareth just shrugs, knowing he is notorious for over imbibing. 

The three Hellfire boys make their way out the door, leaving just the usual suspects and, of course, Vicki. 

“See? Almost even now, Harrington. Pass me that empty Seagram’s,” says Eddie, oblivious to the fact that this is, by all accounts, a horrible idea. 

“You go first if you’re so intent on planting one on all of us, Eds,” Steve replies, determined to call the older man’s bluff. 

“Gladly.” And with that, Eddie spins the empty bottle and watches smugly as it settles on Argyle. 

“Oh, come to Daddy, Surfer Boy!” Eddie exclaims, shooting his eyes from the bottle up to Argyle, who had already leaned over the bottle towards Eddie expectantly. 

“Dude. I’m expecting greatness. Lay it on me, bro!” Argyle says so seriously it was startling and puckers his lips in the most cartoonish way possible. Eddie grabs his face with both hands and lays one quick and dramatic kiss directly to the other boy’s lips, complete with a loud “Mwah!” Sound effect added. Everyone chuckled at the display, all relaxing slightly due to the fact that the first victims of the game were the two must unserious people of the group, who had no problem breaking the ice.

The game continues, with Jonathan landing on Vickie. He decides to chivalrously go for a kiss on the hand, as he previously declared his loyalty to Nancy. Nancy lands on Robin and kisses her softly on the cheek, sighting the same reason as Jonathan. Argyle goes next and ends up landing on Jonathan. He kisses the photographer lightly on his forehead and pets his hair, which left Jonathan furrowing his brow, but laughing nonetheless. Vickie goes next. Robin holds her breath as the bottle spins and spins and spins for what feels like a lifetime until it lands on…Robin. The girls lock eyes immediately and Vickie subconsciously ducks her head and pushes a piece of hair behind her ear. They turn to each other and just kiss. No preamble or bullshit explanations or disclaimers. They just kiss softly and sweetly for a few moments before breaking away. Neither girl says anything, but Robin is noticeably redder in the face and Vickie seems to lean into her just slightly for the rest of the night.

Next is Robin’s turn and although she prays to whatever high power she can think of for the bottle to land on Vicki again, it lands on Steve. “Ugh man, no! Gross!” Robin whines. “Dems da rules, sugar plum,” Eddie smirks and wiggles his eyebrows.

“Fuck. Fine! But Capital P, guys. I’m so serious,” she warns everyone before turning to Steve. “Don’t worry. I’ll do my best not to woo you with my masculine charms,” Steve says before kissing her so quickly that if anyone blinked they would have missed it.

“Ew,” she states simply when it’s over and wipes off her lips dramatically, like a petulant child wiping away a kiss from their mother. Steve silently takes the bottle and spins it, just begging that it lands on anyone except his ex girlfriend. Anyone! Anyone at all even…Eddie. It stops on Eddie and Steve looks at him, like a big brown eyed idiot in headlights, all that previous confidence gone. Eddie clears his throat, shuffles almost uncomfortably. “So, you gonna show me what Hawkins’s Most Eligible has to offer?” he asks, trying so hard to look like he’s not sweating bullets. 

And Steve is just drunk enough that he’s got the balls to shut Eddie up the way he’s been thinking about for months, since he was called “big boy” in that stupid trailer when the world was ending.  Suddenly, Steve is all siren-eyes and sex appeal, letting his voice drop just a little when he almost whispers “Get ready, big boy,” and grabs Eddie by the back of the neck. Steve tilts Eddie up just enough and takes his sweet time leaning in and ghosting over Eddie’s lips, just enough to make him shiver a little, but not enough for anyone to notice. They share each others air for a fraction of a second before Steve leans in the rest of the way and kisses Eddie, really kisses him, the way he’s been doing to girls for years. And Eddie kisses back, just enough that somewhere in the back of the rockers head, red flags and sirens are going off. But he doesn’t notice, too lost in the feeling of Steve on him to register anything else. They separate after what feels like entirely too long for a kiss during spin the bottle, and wait with bated breath. What for, they’re not sure. But no one says anything and the air feels like it’ll shatter is if they do. And then the moment is gone, because the doorbell rings and Argyle jumps up, chanting “Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!” And suddenly they’re all too hungry to focus on that moment that felt just a little too charged. The rest of the night, Eddie and Steve take turns sneaking glances at each other, like they’re really noticing each other for the first time. But come the morning, everyone is too hazy on the night before to read into it. They all remember the nights activities, but no one thinks to question the tension, chalking it up to being cross faded. Except Eddie suddenly pays a lot more attention to Steve. 

A/N: Fun fact! Wine coolers came out in the early 80s and have only gotten better tasting and more hangover inducing since! 

[undertale-writing-times]

Wait I did that wrong-

Can I request 57. “you can’t escape my love.”

With Blue please?

Sorry I asked twice-

Here you go! I hope you had fun :D

Uhhh so I guess there is some kidnapping in this, hints of murder. It's a yandere thing, what do you expect? Lol. I had fun writing it! It got to a little over 1000 words.

"You can't escape my love." was the last thing that you heard before you felt pain on the side of your head and before everything went dark around you.

But that was getting pretty far ahead in the story, wasn't it? I'm sure you want to know exactly what led you up to this point, right? Yeah! Okay, so it started a long time ago, when you first met Berry. At first, he was really sweet! He loved to spend time with you, but he didn't try to force you to spend time with him. He said that he understood that you had other friends, but then those friends suddenly started to avoid you? You weren't sure why, and you spoke to Berry about it, honestly feeling a little hurt that they would just start avoiding you out of nowhere.

Berry comforted you during that time, telling you that those guys didn't know what they were missing! But hey, at least you still had him, right? You smiled and agreed since, yeah, he was right; you still had him!

Then weird things started to happen.

Whenever you two were together, people seemed almost afraid to talk to you, and one time when you looked at Berry, you were sure that you saw that his sockets were empty and he was glaring at the person you were trying to talk to, but when you blinked, he looked normal and was smiling at you. Maybe you were seeing things?

And another thing was that whenever you went out with anyone, Berry would call and ask what you were up to! It was like he knew that you were with someone else, and... you felt guilty. It was the strangest feeling, to feel guilty about just spending time with someone other than him. It isn't like he was even your boyfriend! Or datemate, like monsters used. You two were just friends... right?

Then it happened.

You decided to see what Berry was doing, and you went to his house! His brother, Stretch, wasn't home because he was hanging out with Oscar. You heard faint sounds coming from inside, and without thinking too much, you went in. You figured that, hey, Berry came into your house without knocking, so you should be able to do the same, right?

The noises were coming from the basement! Hey, you know what? You never even remembered that they had a basement... you've never been down there before, so you slowly walk towards the door and touch the doorknob, but jolt when you feel your soul shiver and a voice says from behind you, "Y/n! You're here; what are you doing?" You yelp and turn quickly to see that it was Berry who was smiling at you.

His eyeshines weren't in the normal star shapes, but instead just circles. You two stared at each other until he turned his head slightly to the side, and you realized that, hey, you needed to say something! So you laugh and rub your neck, saying, "Sorry, I thought you were down there... do you have something down there? I heard sounds." He chuckles, shaking his head, and reaches over to take your hand. "Nope!" He says, "Just some old dusty machines. Let's go to my room." He starts to drag you up the stairs, but you look over your shoulder.

Why did you feel like you were in danger?

What was going on? It really did feel like you were in danger, but that didn't make sense! It was just Berry, right? Berry was... Berry was your friend.

You two spent time together, with him telling you about what Stretch was doing and how he was happy to be out of the underground, but not being able to be part of the royal guard was so lame! You laughed, telling him that you thought he was an awesome guard. He hummed happily at that, his tail swishing, and you saw the eyeshines go into star shapes. Hehe cute... 

Then his phone started to ring. "Oh! It's the queen. I have to take this; I'll be right back, Y/n." He nudges his skull against yours, humming happily, then hops up and hurries out. You heard footsteps, then what you thought was the front door shutting. You were thinking about the basement now, wondering what kind of machines would be down there.

While thinking, you decided to just go for it. The worst thing that could happen is that he would get upset with you for going down there, but he would forgive you! You knew that. With a breath, you stood up and headed down. The second you touched the knob, your heart started pounding... it was like everything was telling you to go back; however, you wouldn't do that. You opened the door and started to go down the stairs slowly, your eyes scanning around. It was dark, and there was a weird, rusty smell.

When you got down and started to feel along the wall for the light switch, your hand felt wet. What the heck? Then you flicked the light and pulled your hand back to look at it, and a deep red covered your fingers, causing your eyes to widen and you lift your head.

Along the walls were a lot of pictures, almost all of them of you. They were spread out, and a lot of them looked like they had taken you without your knowing that he was there. The only machine in there was what you touched before—the cold metal covered in the red liquid that now stained your fingers. It smelled strange down here.

"What the hell?" You whisper to yourself, holding your hands close to your chest. You felt sick to your stomach, so you mumbled, "I need to get the hell out of here." Even if Berry wasn't dangerous, something about this seemed wrong. Then you heard the voice and felt the pain before you got knocked out.

Welp... he did tell you not to go down there! I feel like you only have yourself to blame.

[restlesshush]

I know people love the “Cas can hear longing” thing, but the thing is the textual basis for it is actually pretty shaky, and it also just definitely doesn’t serve the purpose re Cas and Dean’s relationship more broadly that people want it to.

Okay so, re the textual basis: literally the only reason this concept exists is because buckleming needed a justification for Cas running into Claire again in 10x10, and her actively praying was too implausible, so they come up with “uhhh okay – her sort of wanting to counts” instead. Obviously that’s not in itself a reason to discard a piece of lore, because it is still in the show (though buckleming do have a tendency towards dropping garbage nonsensical lore, so…), but – more importantly – because of the function it was meant to serve, in context it’s a bit of a leap to take it as Cas hearing longing in general. Specifically, Cas follows up the ‘longing’ mention with asking Claire “perhaps you wanted to tell me something?”, to which she eventually concedes she does. The exchange is kind of clumsily worded – because it’s a buckleming episode –, but it seems like the mechanic is that Cas can tell if someone is perhaps ‘longing’ to pray to him, which is not at all the same as implying he could perceive longing in a romantic or other emotional sense.

Which is good, because if that were true, the implications re destiel are not ones that we want. Basically, if Dean is longing for Cas and Cas can perceive that, he’s not acting on it, so the options are that either this isn’t actually something he can perceive, or there’s nothing there to perceive. We know Cas is in love with Dean the entire time, and we know that he knows this by the 12x12 love confession at the very latest (but presumably much earlier) so even if the 15x18 confession didn’t make explicit that Cas doesn’t think Dean’s in love with him, we’ve got a very significant amount of time where Cas would in theory want to act on Dean’s ‘longing’ if he knew about it, except he not only isn’t, but also seems kind of afraid (“…I love all of you”) of making it too obvious that he’s in love with Dean in the first place. If he can perceive longing, he isn’t perceiving any from Dean directed towards him (which was a crucial part of the mechanic, as laid out “angels are able to find those who pray to them”) which isn’t really what we want to be implying.

And I mean fortunately, I don’t think the text really implies this at all, but I do feel this is worth flagging because people often seem to lean kind of heavily on the longing mechanic / Cas’s angelic senses in general for justifying Cas having an access to / understanding of Dean’s feelings that really isn’t supported by the show. Right up until the end, Cas really doesn’t seem confident at all of his place in Dean’s life, even beyond the question of Dean being in love with him or not, because – as I think is pretty widely acknowledged – the most compelling evidence for Dean being in love with / caring about Cas is how he responds when Cas is dead, which obviously Cas doesn’t see. Cas’s (very significant) insecurities re his and Dean’s relationship often go largely neglected, and using lore explanations to sidestep them is generally just quite lazy, and kind of does Cas a disservice. This isn’t to take away from people’s headcanons or anything, but I think it is worth pointing out that despite it very frequently being treated as fact, Cas hearing/feeling longing in a romantic/emotional sense is just a headcanon, and not really as useful a one as people seem to think.

[mamadoc]

1, 2, 11, 20😊

1 - Talk about someone who changed your life.

Okay. I took far too long to think about this. Since we're all in a post 6x6 and TTPD era, here's a vulnerable, tortured answer.

I had a very close friend for several years. My husband and I were very close to her and her husband. Our kids were friends. We went to the same church, all loved to travel, had similar interests and tastes, had all lived internationally, went on double dates, etc. We even considered having them raise our kids if my husband and I both passed away. In sum, we were super close.

Then COVID hit. As a doctor COVID was difficult. I struggled a lot because I was taking care of sick patients. I recall one tearful day of talking to a pregnant mom who was about to be transferred to the ICU and was saying goodbye to her other children. It really wasn't safe or comfortable to go to work for a long time. I wasn't really dealing with it well, especially with the people around me treating it like it didn't matter. I was really depressed for the first time in my life.

This friend didn't understand that or if she did, she didn't care. So, when I said I wasn't interested in going out in public and having any type of birthday celebration for my birthday (who wants to celebrate turning 41 anyway?), she started attacking me on a personal level. I was already in a dark place and instead of being a good friend and supporting me, she just keep sending me hateful messages.

That was the first and only time in my life I considered suicide. I reached out for help and got it. I wasn't in that dark pit for a long time. I'm much better now. I mostly have my sister to thank for that.

I brought her flowers for Valentine's Day with an apology note a few weeks after that. She never apologized. I brought treats to her a few weeks after that with an apology note explaining why I felt so hurt. I tried to call to explain how I felt so that I could heal. She never answered the phone.

I'm still not sure what I have to apologize for or why she never seemed to accept or offer an apology. But that was two years ago. We still don't talk. Our husbands don't talk. Our kids don't play together anymore. For a long time, I didn't like going to church because I knew I'd have to see her.

Most of that is better now. I'm just sad for a lost friendship and for the dark place I had to crawl out of.

I've used a slight modification of her name for a character in one of my stories who betrayed Lucy. I thought that might be therapeutic, but it just brought the situation up to the surface again.

Uhhh... I can't believe I just wrote all of that. I'll try to keep the rest of the answers a bit lighter.

2 - Talk about something you really want to do.

I LOVE to travel. I've been to 47 states and 16 countries. My husband and I had all of our plans in place to get to all 50 states before we turned 40. Then COVID hit and all of our plans were dashed when travel shut down. We're going at a slower pace now, but we're getting close to it. #48 (NM) in October, #49 (HI) July 2025 as a 20th anniversary trip, and #50 (AK) the summer of 2026.

11 - Share something you're proud of.

According to AO3's stats, I've posted over 339k words since I started posting 7 months ago (plus another 9-10k chapter I hope to finish tonight). I know there are those that blow me out of the water (Ahem, ahem @girlintotv and @centralperkchenford) with their numbers, but I'm pretty proud of that as a first-time writer and working mom with 4 young kids.

20 - Share with us a random fact or two.

I'm afraid I've already overshared. *yikes* But here we go.

I'm the oldest of 6 kids. The first 4 of us are all 23 months apart, then 27 months apart, and 25 months apart. So, we're essentially every 2 years for 10 years with all of our birthdays clustered together. 3 boys and 3 girls.

I had the chicken pox for my eighth birthday. My grandparents came to visit for my birthday, but they were afraid of getting shingles. So, I had to stay in my bedroom on the second floor, and they stayed on the first floor for the whole time they were visiting. I still remember standing in the hallway near the dining room while they sang happy birthday. One of my siblings blew out the candles for me and my mom brought me a piece of cake in the hallway. (Man, I'm still rocking those depressing TTPD vibes, aren't I?) I was officially not contagious the day my mom came home from the hospital with baby #5 in our family, and I remember being so excited to be healthy enough to hold my baby brother.

Sheesh. Now you probably won't ever ask me anything again. Between TTPD, 6x6, and the angst I'm supposed to be writing right now, I'm coming up with some strange answers.

Sorry to be the Eeyore in the crowd. Thanks for asking me to play though.

Ask game

[auniverseforgotten]

A FOURTH SHIP JOINS THE FLEET FOR THE SHIP ASK: Fionn/Diarmud (in whatever way you choose to interpret this)

oh look the one I'm most anxious to do in fear that I'll have bad takes and get a bad grade in shipping asZDfxcgvh

who’s the cuddler: 

The one thing I want for these two is to just fucking TOUCH. I WANT THEM TO HUG. I WANT THEM TO HUG EACH OTHER SO CLOSE BECAUSE SO MUCH BAD SHIT HAS HAPPENED AND THEY ARE EACH OTHER'S ROCKS

Anyway on that note I'm not sure if either of them come off as conventionally cuddly; Fionn I think is all about casual touches and being in Diarmuid's space and Diarmuid is 100% okay with that. But I do think he's a little more reticent in public? But in private he is absolutely cuddling up to Fionn.

Like these two love each other, okay? I don't care what typemoon says, I don't care what the pursuit says, I care about what all the other mythos says and everything Tea has ever said about them ever. So just....little kisses on hands/anywhere on the face/top of head/etc, holding onto each other [tho Fionn may be the one who initiates in public]

Note that the not as into PDA thing that Diarmuid has goes out the window if it's another Fey, any one from that realm comes up and Diarmuid has his arm around Fionn Immediately because Territorial.

But I just....want them to be soft with each other and hug and hold hands and braid each other's hair SO THAT'S WHAT THEY DO OKAY

who makes the bed:

I can't really see Diarmuid caring about it so I'm gonna say Fionn.

who wakes up first:

Uhhh I think like. When anything is going on [mythos, demon pillars, lostbelts] they are both very light sleepers who are up with the dawn and ready and prepared, but if it's a lighter event or just...if they somehow get peace After all of this, I feel like Diarmuid might wake up normally but just refuse to get up and cling to Fionn who's like "alright spending the day in bed"

who has the weird taste in music:

Again I don't see it as weird taste but while Diarmuid has been summoned more, I feel like Fionn would try and explore more types of music either because he genuinely enjoys them or because he told Medb over breakfast that some random genre she was hating on was his most beloved, actually, yes he can name five albums-

who is more protective:

HA HA HA BOTH

My god these two go. Nuclear. Like there are a few base kinda things [also taken from Tea's HCs and fics no one is surprised]:

Diarmuid tends to be more cautious/wary or outright afraid around female casters, so anytime they're dealing with one of those Fionn is absolutely glued to his side. Because I do operate on The Pursuit having happened bcus I'm addicted to angst, just that it happened Differently. He's also uncomfortable around women in general [at least at first and it doesn't go away if they are a caster] so Fionn is Always with him unless he can't be.

Similarly, given Diarmuid's death via boar or other accident [though originally he survives all that and goes into mountain sleep too], Fionn is NOOOOOOT okay if he finds out Diarmuid is fighting those. Has 110% gotten between one and Diarmuid before, has absolutely been the cause of an argument before.

And for Fionn, once again everything Tea has ever said aka Diarmuid is really protective around people who are trying to take advantage over the fact that Fionn is a bleeding heart. Whenever someone comes up with their sob story Diarmuid is There and not buying it.

AND THEN ALSO GENERALLY just...just don't fuck with them. Because as soon as you fuck with one of them you've fucked with both, RIP you.

who sings in the shower:

I'm gonna say Fionn here because Diarmuid in life had to be really careful about things like singing, emotion, etc. because of the effect Fey can have on humans [like making them die of loneliness after hearing their song etc.] and even though he's a servant now that baked in caution isn't going away. Fionn would probably try and get him to sing with him though.

who cries during movies:

Both of them for animal movies, specifically any movie with dogs.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Diarmuid 110% -slaps his head- this boy can fit SO MUCH EXPENSIVE TASTE INSIDE Fionn will look at receipts of thousands and thousands and be like 'oh you didn't spend as much as usual' he just ENJOYS THE FINER THINGS and GOOD FOR HIM.

who kisses more roughly:

I feel like they're the type to make a game out of it, so both.

who is more domineering:

Again I feel like they both can be at times. Sometimes things call for gentleness, sometimes roughness. Just depends.

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

11/10 I will never forgive you for making me brainrot so hard about them TEA [this is a joke thank you for having such good fionndiar posts and platonic ones too and just for being super cool]

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK WOLFIEEEE ask meme here

[francis-writes]

Modern!Ramsay Bolton x transmasc!reader

Because I have a lot of feelings about him and my transition, especially that I spend a lot of time recently in forcemasc community and literally every second post uses a dog metaphor, and uhhh... comparing helping a man in transition to training a dog makes me think about Ramsay even more.

okay, so i write this post for modern!Ramsay because there are more possibilities for trans people today and there is more knowledge about them but to be honest? I think Ramsay would be accepting and supportive of trans partner, no matter the century. He is rather an open-minded person, and he certainly doesn't care about society opinion. He just looks for a good time so if he enjoys being with you, being trans won't change anything. He may even be more interested in you or admire you for going against bigots and world's expectations.

I think it's clear but he's gonna deal with any transphobes that bother you. In modern times, his actions have more consequences, so he won't torture them but it's likely that he will beat them (maybe stab a bit), especially if you're out at night or at more secluded place. Or, you know, you can always find them later.

also, he doesn't just passively observe your transition (and also he isn't one of these guys who "support you" but only when you still look feminine or when you are pre-t. fuck them. Ramsay isn't afraid to date a man. I will tell more, he is excited, if he could, he would sew a dick onto you himself. Okay, maybe I went too far but you get the point), he actively helps you in it. He shaves your head, takes you to the gym and even if he doesn't work out with you, he loves to watch as you excercise, admire as you lift weights, breathing heavily and covered in sweat (also it turns him on). He licks off your sweat and desires your hairy ass.

if you have problems with money, he will eagerly support you financially, though the level of the support depends on his own situation. If we assume the version where he gets money from his father - who is a bussinessman or a politician - there is really no limits. If he doesn't get family money, he still wants to support you (binder, packer, doctor, hormones - it all costs too fucking much) so he will try to get more money, though rather in not very legal nor moral way.

if you're on t, he's eager to do your injections, and this time you can trust him with a needle. He isn't especially well-educated, but he has some knowledge about human anatomy (from where? that's a good question) and has no problem with finding the right spot and inserting the needle the first time.

also, when you finally get facial hair, he will buy you a razor set and teach you how to shave, holding your hand as you gently drags the blade over your skin. having him controlling the sharp blade and pressing it to your throat is both stressing and exciting. but you trust him.

i know it's not a case for everyone but i know that many trans people feel the pressure to turn into a skinny twink; anyway, as somebody wrote, hrt weight gain is an angel and Ramsay makes sure that you eat enough. and that you don't worry about gaining weight after testosterone cravings. He wants you to be strong, healthy and happy. Also book Ramsay is chubby as well and tbh it kinda made me feel better about my body bc he reminds me what kind of wild lust i feel whenever i see a soft tummy

i'll continue this one day, i just wanna do every forcemasc post with him, i am sorry but i can't focus on coherent thoughts. Testosterone and Ramsay make me so excited i can pass out