#ulana khomyuk/valery legasov

[pedroam-bang]

Chernobyl (2019)

[daincrediblegg]

“There was nothing sane about Chernobyl. What happened there, what happened after. Even the good we did, all of it. All of it… Madness.” - Valery Legasov, 1:23:45

[live-long-and-time-warp]

“The team hypothesizes that at the time of the accident, frogs in the area that happened to be darker suddenly had an advantage in the new extremes of this environment, meaning they were more likely to survive and reproduce. After three and a half decades and more than 10 generations of frogs, dark skin is now the norm in the exclusion zone.”

[elenatria]

First pic: sweet desperate Boris, Tarakanov, Valery's cigarettes and the vodka he refuses to drink. That pic and the sixth one are the only ones, I think, we haven't seen before.

Source: Kinorium1, Kinorium2

[corn-fanfiction]

Barker (Valery Legasov x Reader) pt 2

I'm going crazy. She krem on my lin till I uhhhhh. Bits taken straight from the script luv u HBO I don't own your content 🫶 I love Khomyuk and Valery and Boris. I'm sorry I'm like this forreal I just wanna jump old man bones.

Fic under cut.

The hallway inside the Kremlin was long, too long, long enough to be a bad joke, and carved like white chocolate. You sat with Valery on that couch outside of the committee meeting room. You were both exhausted, but you carried your concern more physically. While Valery was collapsed into the couch, your back was straight and your eyes bounced from face to face.

"How did you sleep?"

Your head snapped to Valery, who looked as though he was trying to make casual conversation.

"Not well, but I knew I wouldn't. You?"

Valery sighed and shook his head.

"Not a wink."

"And no further word?"

Valery simply shook his head again. Your leg began to bounce on its own until Valery's hand found your knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. It was the shock, not the comfort, which halted you. Valery seemed to either not consider it impropriety or he didn't care.

You two stared at each other until Boris made himself known. He nodded to you then looked to Valery.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Boris waited a beat, looking between you and Valery with shifty eyes. He cleared his throat.

"Khomyuk was arrested last night."

You shot up from your seat to stand but Valery spoke first.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know," came Boris' raspy voice. Valery was silent for a moment, and all you could think about was where Khomyuk might be, whether they had her in a typical prison, or someplace temporary, or someplace much worse. If they had hurt her. If-

Valery spoke your questions.

"Was it-?"

"Of course it was," Boris said. "I'm working on it."

You almost never spoke to Shcherbina out of turn- he was a very intimidating man after all- but you couldn't help yourself.

"Comrade Shcherbina-"

"I said I'm working on it." He looked between you and Valery. "What more do you want from me?"

Ideally, you wanted him to barge in there and demand answers from the Director of the KGB, or better yet, to let you do so. But you knew he wouldn't, so for the moment you let the bubbling fury go.

"Fix your tie," Boris snapped at Valery, who sat up and did as he was instructed. The secretary came from the meeting room and told them to come inside. It wasn't until Valery stood that you pulled from your thoughts and followed.

"Wait- let me take her seat." You grabbed the sleeve of Valery's jacket. He turned.

"It's not my decision," he said, rather forlorn looking. You looked past him at Boris.

"Boris-"

Boris turned to you sharply, and you thought he would chastise you for using his name, but he didn't.

"Stay put," he said. "You'll only cause more trouble if you go in."

With that, the two men walked inside and the door closed behind them. Dejected, you walked back to the small couch and sat. Khomyuk in the hands of the KGB. If they hadn't made her disappear yet, then it was only a matter of time before they did. Khomyuk was stubborn, same as you, but stubborness cannot delay a bullet to the brain.

You thought back to the day you met Ulana Khomyuk in earnest. Others were a shoe-in for assistant positions at the Institute, but not you. You fought for success. Good marks had never come easy to you. You would conflict tirelessly with those who doubted you but would soothe the offense with charm. But charm, like stubbornness...

You waited beyond a place of anxiety- a sort of half world between full awareness of the gravity of the situation, that any one of you could be next if you weren't careful, and a strange reassurance that if the KGB was at your heels, then perhaps there was truth to the work you, and all the other men and women, were doing. Perhaps it was wishful thinking, because would it at all matter if they were all dead?

Well, they would certainly all die, and sooner than any of them ever thought, but to be silenced was different. And now, all you could think about was confronting the silencer.

It felt like an eternity before the door finally opened again. Unfamiliar faces file out of the room, then Valery and Boris, and a man who strode past you had captured Valery's attention. You knew what this meant, and while you saw Valery gathering himself to confront this man, you realized something. Valery was known. Valery was constantly putting himself at risk, pushing and pushing until it was no longer safe, then retreating. If Valery pushed in this moment, you would be afraid of the consequences.

So, you addressed the man yourself.

"Excuse me?"

Behind you, Boris harshly whispered your name, and Valery held your arm. You ignored him. The elderly man turned.

"Yes? Do I know you?"

You cleared your throat, wet your lips, and tried to gather your courage. He was an unassuming man, but that meant nothing here.

"Chairman Charkov, my name is (y/n) and I am assisting Professors Legasov and Khomyuk and Deputy Chairman Shcherbina in the Chernobyl efforts."

He waited a beat for you could continue, but your words got caught in your throat.

"Yes?"

"I-"

What was happening to you? You were so we'll spoken and headstrong until this exact moment, looking in the eyes of arguably one of the most powerful men in the Soviet Union, and an image of Khomyuk's dead body floated before your eyes. If you did this wrong, would it ruin everything?

Before you felt like you'd fall apart completely, Valery brushes past you a bit.

"One of our associates was arrested last night. I mean no disrespect, but we were hoping you could tell us why."

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about."

"She was arrested by the KGB. You are the first Deputy Chairman of the KGB."

Valery's voice was tinged with irony and it scared you. Perhaps it would not be for the best if Valery handled this confrontation?

"I am. Which is why I don't have to bother with arresting people anymore."

Charkov gave you all a small, humble smile and turned to leave. Valery stepped forward again.

"But you are bothering with having us followed."

Now it was you who grabbed at Valery's arm and you said his name quietly, the was Boris had said yours. He was going too far, and only last night he was worried about you asking on Gorbachev's personality. Charkov turned to face Valery in a stark silence. Boris approached from behind you two.

"Professor, I think the Deputy Chairman is busy," Boris began. Charkov interrupted him.

"No, it's perfectly understandable. Professor, I know you've heard the stories about us. Even when I hear them, I am shocked. But we are not what people think we are. Yes, you're being followed. People are following those people. And those people," he gestured behind him. "They're following me. The KGB is a circle of accountability. Nothing more."

You watched as Valery shifted in his stance.

"You know the work we're doing here. You really don't trust us?"

"Of course we do. But you know the old Russian proverb: trust, but verify. And the Americans think Reagan made that up. Can you believe it?"

He turned to leave again. He truly was going to leave without addressing Khomyuk, go back to wherever he sits between meetings, and do whatever he does to innocent civilians. Your blood boiled.

"I need her," Valery said as a last ditch effort. Charkov turned back.

"And you will be accountable for her?"

"Yes."

Charkov shrugged as though it was nothing. "Then it's done."

Valery stuttered. "Her name is-"

"I know who she is. Good day."

Finally, Charkov leaves. Valery looked at you in shock, then you both looked back at Boris. You're all presenting the same degree of disbelief. Valery waited for Boris to criticize him, but he shook his head.

"No, that went surprisingly well. You both came off as naïve idiots, and naïve idiots are not a threat."

Boris took leave to follow after someone of equal power to him, to ask them questions about materials or finances. Now that it was only you and Valery, you allowed the mask to slip. You held your face in your hands.

"You did well," Valery preemptively assured you.

"I froze."

"Against a man like that? It was practically a survival instinct," Valery said quieter, then placed a polite hand on your lower back as you walked from the hallway and exited the building.

Valery had gotten a phone call of where to find Khomyuk: Moscow, near the hospital he'd asked her to visit. He'd have to take one of the helicopters if he was going to get there in a decent enough time. He wanted to go alone, thought it was for the best if you didn't follow him. The memory of you describing yourself as a dog, a kicked dog, that follows people around, haunted him. If he could get to Moscow without involving you, he would.

It wasn't that he didn't enjoy your company, quite the opposite. In fact, an ulterior motive for leaving you behind was that he didn't want to be seen with you more than necessary around the KGB. It didn't help that you both accosted the first deputy chairman in an open hallway in the Kremlin. He already put himself and Ulana at risk by insisting on her release. To indicate anything farther than comradery, such as friendship or something else, invited scrutiny and weakness.

Unfortunately for him, you'd bent the ear of a young officer that seemed keen on you and found out that a helicopter bound for Moscow was soon to depart with one traveler. When Valery exited his suite, you were waiting outside in the hall.

You startled him, that was certain, judging by the way he jumped at the sight of you. You smiled.

"You tried to leave before I found out?"

He sighed. "(Y/n...)"

"I feel so useless in that stupid hallway," you half joked. "And without you and Khomyuk, I'm useless here, still. Boris means well but he has nothing for me to do. And-" you hesitated. "I want to see her, Valery."

Your use of his name gave him pause, but that wouldn't sway him so easy.

"I'm not sure that-"

"Not sure. You're the smartest person within one hundred kilometers and you're not sure of two things within the past twenty-four hours, and they both have to do with me."

He looked at you like you were one of the one-hundred page packets of reports that come out of those Kremlin meetings. Like you were an unsolvable problem- or a problem it was up to him to solve.

That's when you realized why he was trying to leave you behind. You decided to do him the courtesy of not speaking this realization. However, almost as if you didn't need to, he seemed to understand.

"Alright. But...try to keep quiet, and keep your head down."

"Like you?"

Coming from anyone else, and going to anyone else, it might've seemed a cruel remark. But he smiled to show he understood your recognition of how he survives in these politics, just as if he were to crack a joke about dogs to you.

But he wouldn't. He would never.

You tried to talk to Valery on the helicopter ride to Moscow but he shut you down every time, and you knew it was for the best. Even if you asked him about the Chernobyl efforts, he was tight lipped. It was evening when you landed, and vaguely uniformed officers walked you through a jail, something that looked to be a transition location. That in particular bothered you, because where would Khomyuk have ended up if Valery hadn't intervened?

The officers walked you both to a cell and let you in. There Khomyuk sat, dressed it a nurse's garb, and she looked at you and Valery with a genuine, wide-eyed relief. While Valery stood composed behind you, you decided to take advantage of him as a guard and you collapsed onto Khomyuk with an embrace. She held you back and stroked your hair.

"I was so worried," you said. Khomyuk shushed you.

"Don't you dare lose sleep over me," she said. You'd never viewed Khomyuk as a motherly figure- you'd almost consider it a discredit. You didn't need a mother. What you needed was a mentor, and that's precisely what Khomyuk gave you.

You pulled away, half in shame, as Valery came further into the room and sat beside Khomyuk. You couldn't sit for the excitement. The room itself seemed to be peeling, collapsing inward. Perhaps that was how you were forced to look at everything anymore.

"Are you alright?" Valery asked.

"They didn't hurt me," assured Khomyuk. "They let a pregnant woman into a room with a... Oh, it doesn't matter. They were stupid, I was stupid."

You could only imagine. Khomyuk, like Valery, like you, was often too smart for her own good. Where Valery often played a long game, if Khomyuk saw an opportunity to fix something, she was damn well going to take it. It was impressive. It was terrifying.

"Dyatlov won't talk to me," she continued. "Akimov, yes, Toptunov, yes, but..." She looked over at you sadly. "Akimov...his face was gone."

You watched as Valery mistook her words.

"You want to stop?"

Khomyuk sighed. "Is that a choice I even have?"

There was a silence. You took a seat next to Khomyuk on the cell bed and she put a hand on your knee. Valery set his head against the wall.

"Do you think the fuel will actually melt through the concrete pad?"

"I don't know. A 40% chance maybe."

Valery chuckled weakly. "I said 50."

You smiled then, looking at him past Khomyuk. He was so charming when he was relaxed like this, and he almost never was.

"If anyone was curious," you spoke up, clearing your throat. "The numbers mean the same thing. 'Maybe'."

Valery's voice grew softer. "Maybe the reactor core will melt through to the groundwater. Maybe the miners who I've told to dig under the reactor will save millions of lives. Maybe I'm killing them for nothing."

He looked at Khomyuk, at you. "I don't want to do this anymore. I want to stop. But I can't. I don't think you have a choice any more than I do."

It made you wonder: how much of a choice would you have, if you asked? How far removed were you from the core of decisions, from the center of importance that you could actually walk away? Did it matter?

"I think, despite the stupidity, the lies, even this...you are compelled. We all are. The problem has been assigned and you will stop at nothing until you find an answer. Because, that is who you are."

It was turning too personal, too intimate between them. Part of it embarrassed you, as though you were intruding on something, and another part confused you, though you couldn't say why.

Khomyuk laughed. "A lunatic, then."

"No," you muttered. "If that were true, we'd all deserve to be here."

"No," Valery agreed. "A scientist."

Outside in the hall, Khomyuk told you and Valery about how the reactor core exploded after the engineers had pressed AZ-5, how Akimov and Toptunov both agreed, and how she believed them. She said she'd interview them again if they were still awake. Valery said they weren't.

Khomyuk was called to be processed from the jail. Sitting on the bench, under the bright lights and staring at sickening green paint, you began to feel a bit dizzy. Sleep continued to elude you.

"Does it ever feel," you began with your head between your knees. "That you're simply bandaging something?"

"It's all I ever think about," came Valery's gruff voice. You sighed at the floor.

"I've always found that funny, you know. People say that you should find a cure, not a bandage for a problem. But... without bandages, wounds bleed out before they can be sewn shut. Nobody knows what to do yet everyone doubts. You doubt."

You straighten to look at him. You can see the bags of your eyes in the reflection of his large glasses. "I doubt because we are gambling."

"Gambling is chance, this is calculated risk. You can muse and wonder if what you're doing is right by all those people, I can't tell you not to. But...day in and day out, you, Ulana, Boris, Tarakanov, you all push and push, you do everything you can and you don't even blink. Those miners know the risks they put themselves at. The boys we draft, the volunteers we send- bandages. And the patient can still die. The world can still end."

You stared at him and took his hand that rested between the two of you on the bench.

"Don't doubt. There's no time, and there's no purpose. It won't save you from the doubt of others, and I think that's the problem."

Valery closed his eyes and sighed. "Is that my problem?"

You squeezed his hand and his eyes opened. You were being quiet, as he asked, and no one was around to see. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or the trance inducing nature of the room, but you felt uninhibited. You hand came up and brushed a piece of hair from his forehead. He only watched you, like it was some tragedy that could not be prevented.

"It's a lesser one to have."

[lifewithaview]

Stellan Skarsgård and Jared Harris in Chernobyl (2019) Please Remain Calm

Ep2

With untold millions at risk, Ulana makes a desperate attempt to reach Valery and warn him about the threat of a second explosion.

*After Ulana Khomyuk identifies the isotope that triggered the alarm as Iodine 131, a byproduct of nuclear reactor fuel, her coworker suggests "Ignalina". Ignalina refers to a nuclear power plant in Lithuania operating 2 RBMK-1500 reactors similar to Chernobyl's RBMK-1000 reactors. The decommissioned Ignalina power plant doubles for Chernobyl in this series.

[xenonaddict]

OMG ITS ALL MY OCs AS THE IRL PEOPLE THEY LOOK MOST ALIKE 😱 (plus the main three from the actual show itself) also I know about the whole Danny Masterson incident, he just happens to look like a skinny Alexei

[dank-hp--memes]

A Companion: Chapter 3 (i think...)

So I obviously haven't been writing lately. I just spend all of my free time doing calculus... so... here is something.

Valery was snapped back to reality by a soft groan and Ulana moving in his lap, her hands held her lower belly and her lips parted to allow short breaths in and out. Tears rolled down her cheeks before she leaned back against Valery. He looked down at her belly and felt tears begin to well in his eyes. He knew even the slightest of movements caused Ulana to be in extreme pain and discomfort. Their child caused her an immense amount of agony, and slowly, it was killing her. Her body leaned against Valery limply as she took in deep breaths just as the pain dulled to the level she normally endured. There had been a particularly violent movement from within her womb. Valery gently rubbed the side of her belly, his chin resting on Ulana's shoulder. He pressed his nose to the crook of her neck, letting out a soft sob. Seeing her in pain was one of the hardest things for him, for there was little he could do to take away her pain.

It takes two to make a baby, but Valery could not help but feel responsible for the immense amount of pain she was in. His heart ached for her, for she was his other half. She was his soulmate and he knew they were meant to be together, one way or another.

Eventually, Ulana gently reached up and ran her boney fingers through what was left of his hair. Valery sniffled and managed to smile somberly at her. He could not help but wonder how their life together could have been different if Valery had stuck to the party line. Would she have hated him for it? Would she have aborted the child, unable to fathom being with him again? Would she have even told him about the baby? Sure he would have had his 'freedom' but would he have had his happiness? Ulana seemed to be the only source of true happiness in his life. Before her, Valery's life had been dull and colorless, for he had always spent his days alone. All of that changed when he met Ulana, for she was someone who could understand him, and her presence made his life more interesting to say the least.

A few hours passed, Ulana had gotten up and moved to a rather plush armchair that Valery had next to the window. She had fallen asleep there, sitting in the sunlight. Sasha had crawled onto Ulana's belly and proceeded to lay down, purring quietly. Valery watched her for a while. She looked extremely peaceful, her feet propped up on a small ottoman that matched the chair. The chair reclined a little, and it was at just the right angle to keep Ulana comfortable, besides the fact that her uterus was squishing her organs as she seemed to slowly wither away, her life shortened by the little life she grew within her. Valery smiled solemnly and proceeded to cover her with a blanket, which disturbed Sasha a little, but she returned to her rightful place on Ulana's large and swollen belly. Valery smiled solemnly as he brushed a few grey hairs off of Ulana's pale face.

Out of nowhere, there was a gentle knock on the door that made Valery jump. He glanced over at the door for a moment before approaching it. He pulled open the door to see his neighbour, Maritza, or Mara. She had been a nurse for the longest time before she became too old. She was a Polish woman, who had grown up. Mara was quiet and hated socializing, but she had quickly befriended Valery when he had been moved into this new, small apartment. She was on the tall side for a woman, but her frame was rather slim. She smiled kindly at Valery, her deep-set, coffee coloured eyes glimmering at him. She held up a small tray of tea and biscuits. Valery nodded and silently let her in, so as not to disturb Ulana. Somehow, Mara always had the most exquisite tea. The scent of an extravagant earl grey Mara had brewed filled the apartment, making Ulana stir slightly.

"I noticed you had a visitor" Mara whispered as she set the tea tray down on the table. 

Valery smiled and nodded response, feeling embarrassed.

"She is my… my lover…" Valery said, struggling to find the right word to describe his relationship with Ulana. 

Mara raised an eyebrow and glanced at Ulana before shaking her head, holding back a laugh.

"Your Lover?" She said chuckling softly.

"My… My soulmate" Valery whispered.

His heart began to ache horribly as he looked over at Ulana.

Mara chuckled a little. Valery knew that this woman did not believe in soulmates. Her whole life had been fairly rough, to say the least. He was roused from his thoughts by light footsteps. The strong scent of tea must have roused Ulana, for she was now making her way to the table. Valery watched as Mara went to Ulana's side, helping her silently to the table. Ulana groans a little, her hand resting on her belly. Mara looks at her, examining her closely. Ulana sits back in the chair, gingerly rubbing the side of her belly. Ulana looked at Mara silently, studying the older woman. She did not know that Valery's neighbours were allowed to speak with him, let alone come into his apartment. Mara grinned a little already liking Ulana and they had yet to exchange even the simplest of hellos.

[sad-lad-posts]

What if Valery was Ulanas lover from when they were young and they got separated and they both moved on in their lives? And Chernobyl was what brought them back together? 🤯

[amaidsconfession]

Valana AU

"Have you never found anyone to yourself, Valera?" 

“There was this girl on a summer course. Long, gold hair at the time, eyes like two precious stones, intelligent and with a mocking humor... She came into my life like a hurricane, made me dizzy, took my feet off  the ground. We walked around the city all day long, visiting museums, having coffee, discussing science… We had sex all night long , we laugh hard over everything, we were so young...  It's funny to think that  during that summer nothing seemed to matter but her. Then the way she appeared she was gone.”

"And you never saw each other again?" 

"Oh, we met, more than twenty years later, in an absolutely unimaginable situation. She walked in my direction like a vision of the past, and yet there it was, that electricity, that irresistible attraction, that temptation to throw it all to the wind. We worked well together for a brief period. " 

“And that was it?”“

That was it, Boris.”

“Why?”

“Because we won’t be here for long.”

[pedroam-bang]

Chernobyl (2019)

[daincrediblegg]

"And this, at last, is the gift of Chernobyl. Where I once would fear the cost of truth, now I only ask: what is the cost of lies?” - Valery Legasov, Vichnaya Pamyat

[live-long-and-time-warp]

But I’m very happy to say that the latest installment of my Chernobyl sleeve was fully completed over two sessions with the great @elywick in the fall! (There’s been more added since, but I’ve fallen way behind in posting on Instagram so tumblr is just catching up).

This whole sleeve is a tribute to Chernobyl and its liquidators. It was inspired by the last scene of the HBO show “Chernobyl”.

This chest/shoulder portion introduced two additional flowers: an iris and a zinnia. In the Victorian language of flowers, an iris is a symbol for myriad traits, including faith, hope, trust, valor, and wisdom, all things that Valery Legasov and Boris Shcherbina had (even if the hope and faith were drained from them over time).

Zinnias represent thoughts of absent friends. Of course, many lost friends in the Chernobyl accident and liquidation; but the one I’m thinking of is, of course, that of Valery Legasov and Boris Shcherbina.

For me, the zinnias evoke a specific moment in the final scene of the show “Chernobyl”: when Legasov is being driven away and the car passes by Shcherbina, “his brother” as the script says. They weren’t able to speak, but according to the script, their shared look communicated one thing: “It happened. We mattered. And now it’s over.”

While Legasov and Shcherbina weren’t actually at that trial, I think this scene demonstrates the sudden pain and loss that Legasov’s friends and family felt when he died by suicide in 1988.

This past Saturday, we took that shared look one step further. Stay tuned…

[letsriottogether]

Circles

Another Valana fic that came to me yesterday night. At first I thought I would save it for later and implement it into Silence or something else, but I think it deserves to stand alone. This is going to be dark, so please 

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Title: Circles

Relationship: Ulana Khomyuk/ Valery Legasov

Characters: Ulana Khomyuk, Valery Legasov, Boris Scherbina, other characters

Warning: pls don’t hate me

________________________________________

He slowly sat down on a chair next to bed. It was quiet in the dimm room, Ulana managed to fall asleep for just a moment. His eyes were fixed on her face, which didn’t look calm even in her sleep, she must be still in pain. Small beads of sweat were forming on her forhead, running down her pale skin, eyebrows curled together, hair wet from sweat stuck to her temples. He couldn’t help but notice how the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes ran much deeper than when he first met her in that sad empty hotel in Pripyat not even two years ago. If only they knew what future planned for them.

It wouldn’t change anything anyway

He put his glasses down on the bedside table and took her small hand in his big ones, resting his elbows on the mattress in process. Ulana stirred in her sleep but did not wake up, for which he was thankful. He pressed their joined hands to his forehead, clumsily planting soft kisses around her wrist. He slowly exhaled and pressed her hand against his stubble cheek. His eyes then drifted from her face, down her frame, resting on her belly protruding almost unnaturally from her noticabely thinner frame. The pregnancy took its inevitable cost on her, given to her age and radiation exposure in Chernobyl. No matter how much he tried to keep her away from the 4th reactor back there, she got her dose, and being around the victims in Moscow hospital wasn’t really a safe alternative. 

Oh well. He mentaly chuckles to himself, even if sent army, she would always fight her way back, not being able to withdraw until the puzzle was solved, even if it would mean she would be dead within a month.

Ulana’s soft moan distract him from his thoughts. Her other hand is clutching the white fabric of the sheet that’s draped over her frame, mouth pouting in discomfort. He puts one of his hands on her belly, hesitantly caressing it, feeling small movements underneath. He knows Ulana will be awake soon, facing this hell, completely new kind of one for both of them. He feels even more lost than when he saw the reactor building split open, that was someone else’s fuck up that he had been called to solve and clean up. But this? This was completely and utterly his work. He knows that it takes two to make a child, but somehow feels more responsible for all this, for her suffering, for the life inside of her that is destined to be born with some sort of physical defeat, with inner disabilities (he cannot help but remember Lyudmila Ignatenko’s daughter), or maybe even born dead. He’s the one who should protect her from all of this and in the reality he ends up silently watching as week from week she gets worse, black circles under her eyes bigger, bones sticking out from underneath her marble skin no matter how much he’s making her eat, even contemplating feeding her during her worst moments. The bitter truth lingers in the air anyway. Even if they both weren’t banned from the outside world, from medical care, what would it matter? There was no help for the effects of radiation.

Please don’t let her suffer

With a loud groan her eyes open, blinking, searching around almost as if she had forgotten where she is. He immediately squeezes her hand and their eyes meet. She still looks exhausted, those few minutes of slumber helping only a little.

„How long was I asleep?“ she licks her dry lips, her voice raspy.

„Only for a moment,“ he replies, stands up a caresses her hair and hands her a cup of water. She nods in acknowledgement, taking a small sip with his help. Suddenly her breath turns deeper, she shifts her body and the sign of discomfort grows bigger in her face. He already knows this part, another contraction is coming. Not a long after that a wave runs through her muscles, her hands immediately fly to her belly, clumsily caressing it, sweat pouring down from her forehead, down her neck, down her spine. She’s biting her lip, keeping herself from screaming out in pain as the contraction grows stronger.

Valery sighs in frustration and runs hands through his thinning hair. He could explain to you how a nuclear reactor works, now also how to put out a fire if such reactor explodes, but when it comes to this, to normal life problem or these ‚women things‘, he is completely lost. He sits down on the edge of the bed, taking one of Ulana’s hands so she can squeeze it as hard as she needs. No matter how weak she might seem, she still has her power, he thinks to himself and is absolutely sure that there is a good chance she will crack at least one of his knuckles or simply leave nail marks on his freckled skin.

Ulana shifts her body again, pulling her legs up, bending them in the knees to support herself better. The pain gets weaker as the contraction fades away. She exhales and collapses back to the pillows that are stacked up behind her, to give her at least some comfort. 

Her eyes turn to Valery with a small reassuring smile, when her scream cuts through the air like a knife. A new kind of pain takes over her body, different one, and panic washes over her. She went through labor back when she was younger, she can remember how it goes, and this definitely wasn’t a contraction. This was something else.

Valery sees the horror in her eyes and freezes for a moment. Ulana’s hand grips on the white sheet covering her body and tears it away, swiftly pushing it to the side. She can feel something sticky on her inner thighs, making a small pool between her legs.

„Valery!“ her voice trembles with desperation, which finally has effect on him. New energy in his veins kicks in, he lets go of her hand and in one swift motion he’s at the door, flicking the light switch on. That’s when he sees what she already knew. Her crimson red blood shining out from the white sheets, and he can’t help but notice how her skin turns one shade paler. She’s breathing heavily, staring at the bloody cloth. Suddenly there’s deafening humming in his ears, breath catches in his throat and he switches to automatic. He runs out of the bedroom door, heart pounding loudly. He hears himself as if from a distance calling over his shoulder that he’s going to get Nastya. Or was that only in his head?

Nastya was almost like an angel sent from heaven, as much as they both refuse to believe in such things. Once Ulana and Valery were moved to new much smaller apartment, it was as if neighbours were already warned that they are blacklisted from normal world. And then Nastya moved to the apartment above. Old lady, with heart as big as Russian land, with witty comments and loud laugh. She immediately fell in love with the couple, not caring about any restrictions. She understood there was a secret surrounding these two. But when Ulana started showing, it was just so natural to offer them her help. She used to be a midwife after all. Oh, how many lives these hands helped to deliver. And now, her skills were needed more than ever.

Valery runs through the dark apartment, stumbling over shoes he meant to put away, almost falling down to his feet. In the distance he can hear Ulana’s whimpers. He opens the door to their apartment, leaving them wide open. He runs the stairs to the upper floor as fast as a fifty year old man can, his lungs and muscles in his legs burning. He starts franzily bashing at Nastya’s door and in a second her face appears in the doorway. From his expression she knows it’s bad. She pushes him to the side and starts waddling as fast as she can downstairs to Legasov’s apartment, her lips anxiously smacking as she straightens her old apron.

What she sees in their bedroom only confirms her fears. She rushes over to Ulana and starts checking her, pulling her legs open a bit wider to see better, so she can examine her, muttering under her breath.

Dievochka moya…

Their eyes meet, tears rolling down Ulana’s face. There’s no point in lying to her that everything is going to be just fine, she’s not stupid. Nastya’s expression softens, she shifts her stubby body to the younger woman and makes a small cross on Ulana’s forehead with her chubby finger. Valery watches this intimate scene between the two women, as if Nastya was Ulana’s mother and can’t help but feel a bit ashamed they had him as a witness. His hands are grabbing the door frame as he’s leaning on it, his knuckles turning white. There’s got to be something he can do. Fuck the KGB, fuck the ban of contacting anyone, fuck them for not allowing them medical care. He finds himself standing at the phone, not remembering he even left the bedroom filled with the smell of sweat and heavy sweet taste of blood. Of Ulana’s blood.

His fingers dial the number to call an ambulance. His voice raging, as soon as he gives the address and the name, there’s a small hesitation followed by silence on the other side of the phone.

„Are you there? This is an emergency! Send the ambulance now!“

„Yes, comrade,“ and the phone clicks.

Valery clenches his fist and hammers it against the wall in frustration. He would be surprised if the ambulance actually came. He can hear sheets ripping from the bedroom, Nasya’s soothing voice trying to calm the mother to be. All of the emotion a man can feel are running through him. 

Endless love for the woman who is sweat drenched lying in the next room, trying to survive birth of their child.

Admiration for all she has gone through, for all the things that are still to happen.

Gratitude for being with him, for choosing him, for coping with his sometimes annoying bachelor habits.

Happiness from all the small moments they shared, from just the simple fact of being together, near each other.

Sadness that in moment like this, when he would need someone to slap him to senses, Boris is god knows where. That he cannot tell his best friend what is happening in his life right now. Boris, I’m gonna be a father.

Shame for feeling completely useless, for not being able to get them better life even for their limited days together.

Betrayal from the world he grew up in, that he used to trust. The great soviet will take care of all its children. Well, of all the good behaving ones, he bitterly thought. He never ever wanted to play some political charades, he was just fine with his position at Kurchatov Institute, no need to climb up the social ladder. Surrounded by scientists, by knowledge, that’s where he felt content. And this knowledge sucked him into the madness called Chernobyl. He was only doing his job, helping to save others, to prevent further explosions and spreading the radioactive particles across the whole continent. And as a scientist he had to say truth about the cause. And this was how the party pays him?

And this all leads to one emotion that begins to swallow him.

Anger. Deep, raging anger.

After a moment of hesitation he picks up the phone again and dials familiar number, hoping to hear the deep voice of their friend Scherbina on the other side. Instead, only mechanic beeping is ringing through the plastic, penetrating his ear. This number has been disconnected, no longer belonging to Boris.

Fuck, fuck this, fuck them all

And it all ends with resignation.

/////////

Few hours pass, it’s still dark outside. At the horizon a slight strip of a bit lighter dark blue can be seen, announcing that the sunrise is coming to lift up the darkness the night has brought. The Moscow streets are empty, only few windows are lit, the city peacefully sleeps, resting before another day comes.

The Legasov apartment is silent. Nastya disappeared a moment ago, knowing there’s no place for her now, not for what’s about to come. Even though she has no idea how many years she will be here on this earth, she knows one thing for sure – until her last breath, she won’t forget this night. Who cares if there will be any consequences for her after tonight. She made a cross on her wide chest and muttered a small prayer for the life that has been born today, as she tried to calm her horrified mind and replays the scene.

Few moments earlier:

Ulana’s never ending panting and groaning changes into one last agonizing scream. The sound dies on her lips as a small weak cry echoes through the room, the newborn life sliding into Nastya’s hands.

„It’s a boy,“ she whispers and looks at Ulana, who is hypnotizing the tiny body, squirming, clearly unhappy with the change of its surroundings.

Valery is by her side, he has been the whole time, and plants a kiss on her temple, relieved that at least this part is over, proud goofy smile on his face. She looks at him her relieved expression slowly changing, the unspoken question in her eyes. Valery nods and steps to Nastya, who skillfully tied the umbilical cord, her gaze is now glued to the whining newborn, horror written over her features. And then he sees it too.

„Oh no…“

„What.. How is this possible?“ Nastya stutters. Valery takes the boy wrapped in a blanket to his arms, studying him, looking him all over. Instead of baby blue eyes accustomating to the new world, there’s.. Nothing. As if his eyelids simply coalesced with the skin of his soft cheeks.

„Valera,“ he can hear Ulana calling him, but he feels as if his body and his mind are in trance.

„Valery! What is wrong with him?! Give me my son!“

He looks over his shoulder and winces. Ulana lays sprawled on the bed, her skin sickly white more than ever, her boney arms pointed out to him in gesture to take the wrapped baby in her arms.

„His eyes…“ he whispers, somber look on his face. He hesitantly walks to Ulana and hands her the small squirming bundle. Her arms immediately wrap around her son, tears streaming down her face, sobs shaking her body.

„We knew this would happen,“ Valery says with trembling voice, getting down on his knees to be at her eye level. She looks at him with those blue piercing eyes, she knows all of this, she knew all along it would end up like this. Guilt washes over her. If only she noticed sooner that she was expecting, if only she wasn’t so daft when it came to women’s problems and herself. She would have… done it differently. Looking at their son, she couldn’t help but feel ashamed as the word ‚abortion‘ ran through her head. And anyway, back then at almost four months along and her age it would most likely mean a death sentence, especially under the conditions that applied to her and Valery. And again, she was left in a situation with no other choice than to carry on and hope for better tomorrows. Yet she couldn’t help but blame herself for putting both him and her and this innocent life through this.

Her gaze turns back to her son, and just like any other mother she begins to examine him, smiling sadly as he waves his tiny hands in the air. Valery watches them, his insides in death grip, thoughts in his brain running at speed of thousand miles per hour, hundreds of other diseases and complications enter his mind that can be invisible to them, but still can be occurring in this small body.

He vaguely notices Nastya standing beside him and turns to her. She steps aside, a bit away from the bed Ulana is lying on, and starts whispering urgently to Valery:

„I cannot stop the bleeding,“ and nods her head towards Ulana.

„What?“

„Ulyanochka… She’s been bleeding all night-„

„Tell me what to do, how to help her“ he begs, the situation dawning down on him. Nastya only shakes her head.

„I’ll try to call someone. You stay here and pray for her. Pray for them both,“ with that, Nastya emerges out of the room, determination shining in her eyes.

Valery hangs his shoulders down, hopeless. His gaze wanders to the scene on the bed, where exhausted Ulana coos at their son. He only hopes that Nastya will be back with the help in time.

He walks over back to them, Ulana raising her eyes to him, smile lighting up her face. Even though she’s tired beyond words, her hair is sticking to her skin, she’s still the most beautiful thing he‘s ever laid his eyes on. With slow motion she scoots to the side to make room for him and pattes the mattress, gesturing him to lie down. He obeys, making himself as comfortable as possible with his back propped up against the headboard, Ulana cuddling to him, holding their son. His arms encircle her and the small bundle.

The paths of life can be so unpredictable…

He can hear her start humming some old lullaby he could not recognize. The tenderness of her voice revealing him another side of her, that until now she was trying so hard to hide.

„That was beautiful,“ he whispered and kissed her into her hair.

„It’s byelorussian. My grandmother used to sing it to me, but I cannot remember the words. Only the melody remained,“ her voice trailed off. Silence took over the room, only every now and then quiet baby noises could be heard. Outside the sun was slowly rising, shining over the sleepy city, shining through the dirty glass on them.

„Valery, promise me one thing,“

„Don’t. Stop it, right now,“

„We both know that some things cannot be avoided no matter how much we wish they would disappear,“

„Have you ever wished to go back in time? Change your mind and never coming to Chernobyl?“ he asks, knowing that at some point they both came across this question in their mind, his pathetic attempt to turn the conversation somewhere else.

Ulana sighs, looks out of the window, then back to their son and finally lays her head down back on his chest.

„I only wish we had more time. Or that we had met before. But I think that our paths would be anyway connected with Chernobyl. No matter what happened, no matter what is stil going tol happen, I do not regret any choice I made since that April morning,“ Valery silently nods. Her breathing is getting heavier, she speaks slowly. Her whole body relaxes against him. Where the hell is Nastya?

Another silence, almost sacred, both feeling something inescapeable, fateful in the air.

Ulana lifts her head to him, and it breaks his heart into million pieces as he can see the flame in them slowly dying away.

„Take care of him. For as much time as he has,“ she whispers. Words get caught in his throat and he looks at the sleeping infant, gently rocking him in his arms.

„I will,“

She contentedly closes her eyes, single tear sliding down her cheek. He bends down, planting soft kiss on the skin of her forehead. Her eyes flutter open, and she lifts her head to meet his lips in a slow yet powerful kiss. As they break apart, he rests his forehead against hers and hears her whisper:

„I love you, Valery Aleksiyevich,“

„I love you, Ulana Yuriyevna,“

He starts planting small kisses all around her nose, cheeks, making her chuckle.

„Have I ever told you the story of how Schrebina destroyed a phone?“

She slowly shakes her head and rests against him.

„We just tried the robot on Masha roof, it was sent from Germans. Of course, the robot died after few minutes. We all were trying to absorb the reality, of what it meant, while Scherbina ran out like a bull after a red flag. Back in the trailer, oh, you should have heard him the words he said to the poor guy on the phone. He learned that the party gave Germans official numbers regarding radiation levels, which was his undoing, as he kept smashing the earpiece against the phone,“ Valery went back in his memories to that day, which made them unmistakably send many men to die ‚for the greater good‘. He couldn’t sleep few nights after that, but decided that to keep his mind sane, he has to focus on these small moments, to help him carry through the darkness.

As he took another breath to continue, he felt Ulana’s body grow heavier on him. His whole being froze, as her hand slid down from the blanket in which their son was wrapped. Tears filled his eyes as reality hit him hard in the face, knocking out every single atom of air hiding in his lungs. He moved a bit to the side, so he could see her better, placing their son between them, taking her empty face to his hands, her eyes still halfway open, but the burning fire in them was gone. Sobs were shaking his body violently, as he closed her eyelids and placed a soft kiss on both of them, whispering over and over.

„Ulana moya, moya Ulyanochka…“

 ////////

If Chernobyl cut his life into five years living expectancy, that night took another half of that.

In the early morning, when finally KGB allowed anyone to get to their apartment, his son died in his arms, while he was watching the paramedics wrapping Ulana’s limp body.

As much as he was trying to be ready for any possible outcome ever since the moment they learned she was pregnant, nothing could ever prepare him for this. He was never able to sleep again in that room, keeping it locked away. Only in moments of despair and a lot of vodka in his system he would allow himself to go inside and weep everything that he lost.

He never got to know where Ulana nor little Valentin Valyrievich were buried.

To his great surprise, Boris was allowed to visit him twice, for no more than fifteen minutes. The first time Valery could have sworn he was on the brink of drinking himself to death.

As the April 88’ got closer, he knew one thing for sure. He has to collect everything he knows, everything he remembers. Not for fame, not to boast about his knowledge. For the memory of all the lost lives, for all the hope that has been taken away from so many people. In attempt to prevent this from happening ever again. He had to say it, all of it. For her. For them. 

On the second year anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster, the night which started a completely new chapter of his life, he brought the circle to end and at least this part of his existence took in his own hands, taking his life with it.

[corn-fanfiction]

Barker (Valery Legasov x Reader) pt 1

You know what? Fuck you *throws yearning and unspoken feelings at you along with graphite from an exposed reactor core*

There's something really weird abt writing a (albiet fictionalized) real historical figure bc I find the actor hot buuuuuut who cares we ball anyway. Fic under cut.

It began with you, Boris, and Valery sitting anxiously in Boris' suite. The three of you sat at perfect opposites around the two phones on the center table, watching, waiting. At first, Boris tried to lighten the mood with some quips as he was known to do, and Legasov would humor them with small smiles, but you had eyes only for the phones. You were practically chewing through cigarettes; you never smoked before you came to Pripyat. You personally thought that it was unbecoming of a scientist, and found it ironic to inhale one dangerous chemical whilst studying another. But then, you were all likely in for a worse fate than lung cancer.

After hours, Boris stalked downstairs to the bar to soothe his soul with vodka, leaving you and the professor. You bounced your leg, wiped your eyes, smoked, took your glasses off only to put them back on, and flipped through packets of notes and findings. All the while, Valery watched you try to distract yourself with a half-broken heart. Everything about Chernobyl was tragic, and it was nearly impossible to pit one tragedy against the other. Valery would never forget the look on Boris' face when he told him about their new life expectancy. It was so childlike in its unfiltered shock that it caused him physical pain. But you- you hardly flinched. Khomyuk had commented once that you were hardheaded and that's why no one could prevent you from following her into the fray, so it made sense to her that you would accept your fate. But you were younger than them, being an assistant studying under Khomyuk at the Institute. Older than some of the men working the reactor that fateful night, but still too young for what little life you'd have left.

But then, at what age is the tragedy of it all cut?

Hours after those hours later, after Boris had returned and retired to bed, Valery still waited by the phones, smoking, almost standing guard. He looked an absolute wreck and couldn't remember the last time he'd looked in a mirror. And you looked about the same. You'd fallen asleep on the other couch, and it must have been a good sleep because you didn't move once. Your hair and clothes were messed from the ultimate position you took to stay comfortable. Valery had thought at many different intervals to wake you but could not bring himself to do so.

There was something about you that fascinated him. Perhaps it was the academic in him, but you were an enigma in many ways. Deeply likeable and charming whilst keeping your true self guarded impenetrably. No one knew anything about your life except Khomyuk, and she barely knew anything worth telling. It wasn't until he saw you completely vulnerable on the couch that Valery considered himself to see you in earnest. A brave soul, like them, too young for it all, like everyone else, rushing in headfirst even though no one asked you to; only you and Khomyuk had that in common. Maybe that's why you seemed so different. Even Khomyuk was serving out of a sense of scientific duty. Maybe you were too; either way, it bothered Valery.

He took a final drag off his dying cigarette and stubbed it out, then looked at the clock on the wall above you. Three thirty-six in the morning. He removed his glasses and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. You all weren't going to hear from Khomyuk tonight. He'd known it hours ago, but he didn't want to leave until you did. But since he was the only one awake anymore, he decided to call it off.

Valery stood and went to where you lay on the couch. He laid a gentle hand on your shoulder to wake you, and in an instant you sat up. Even half awake, you tried to be active and alert. When you found your glasses on the coffee table you put them on and looked up at Valery.

"Khomyuk?" Was all you asked. He shook his head.

"We're not going to hear anything tonight, Comrade. I suggest you get some sleep before the committee meeting tomorrow."

You groaned and lay your head back down.

"I was sleeping."

Valery crosses to shrug on his suit jacket.

"I meant in a bed."

Except you didn't want to go back to your room because you hated being alone. Maybe that's one of the reasons you chased Khomyuk to this desolate place. You wanted to help, of course, but what was worse was sitting at the Institute without her. Unbearable. You sat up again and stretched.

"It's too quiet here."

You stand and put on your own coat. You wipe your face of any wayward drool as Valery opens the suite door for you and you both exit.

"The entire city is deserted," he said as if you didn't know. It was his nature to respond with the truth of things even if it was obvious. It saved him from the awkward dance of clever turn of phrase and hidden meanings.

"I can't sleep in quiet."

You, Boris, Valery, and Khomyuk all stayed on the same floor of the hotel, albiet at random rooms since the hotel was relatively full when you'd come to stay, and even now that Pripyat was empty as he'd said, no one bothered changing rooms.

"I don't think I could go back to sleep anyway," you continued and Valery eyed you with interest. This was the most you'd ever spoken unprompted.

"We have to be at the Kremlin at ten."

"I just need some fresh air."

Valery stopped you both in the hallway. Even at this very late hour, he was paranoid about prying eyes and keen ears.

"I'm not sure it's the best of ideas to go stalking around outside right now."

"Just around the fountain."

"By yourself? And if you encounter agents?"

"I'll invite them to walk with me."

"Be serious."

"I am." And you were. Your face hardened at his buried accusation that you were being flippant. "I can't just lie down and stare at the ceiling. At least I can exert some of the anxiety. I appreciate your concern, but I don't believe I'll be arrested for taking the night air."

But even that was a lie because you knew, as you all knew, that any of you were a hair's breadth away from intense scrutiny under the watchful eye of the KGB. While yes, you doubted arrest, to be accosted was not out of the question.

"Then do you mind if I accompany you?" He asked. He was tired, he wanted to go to sleep, but more than that he did not want you to go out there alone. It suited level headed people to be paranoid in times like these, and he'd happily double or triple that paranoia if it kept his friends safe.

You nodded mutely and changed directions for the stairs. Once outside, you lit another cigarette and offered it to Valery, who accepted. Some of the stray dogs trotted beside the two of you. They were some of the saddest parts of it all, after the unspeakable human suffering. Alone, abandoned, left to fend for themselves. Even then, months later, it was becoming painfully apparent that they were starving, dirty and mangey. Still, you offered them some comfort where you could, such as during this walk, when you bent down occasionally to scratch them behind their ears.

It was a cloudy and starless night but the streetlamps remained as they always had, offering an illuminated glow every few meters. At some point, you glanced over at Valery. You'd made notice early on how he carried himself. He always looked at the ground, always took a submissive tone in conversation, except when it came to Boris. With Boris, he challenged. You weren't sure why, but you still hardly knew them despite the long hours and close quarters.

He looked especially tired, more than usual. You hadn't considered that he took as much a toll from Khomyuk's silence as you did. There had formed a strange sort of comradery between the four of you, teetering on friendship but never truly stepping over that line. At least not around one another.

But you were as impressed with Valery as you were Boris and Khomyuk. He was called to this as Boris was, but he also faced it head on as you all did. A quiet, diminutive man, one who naturally avoided conflict, he still managed to fight for the things he knew he needed to, even if he was powerless to do so.

And when you weren't looking, Valery was glancing at you, thinking all the things he'd thought when you were asleep, only now he was considering why you didn't want to go to sleep. Surely passing the time would end in finding Khomyuk sooner, wouldn't it?

"How are you feeling? About tomorrow?" He asked after a long period of silence. You ran a hand through your hair and Valery watched.

"Useless. I hate waiting outside in that hallway."

You were referring to the Kremlin and how you weren't allowed at committee meetings. It had been a struggle enough to get Khomyuk in that room that nobody much bothered with you. You understood, you didn't take personal offense, but you still hated being in that hallway.

"I doubt it will take long. Not that I know much going in."

"What is he like?"

Valery quirks up an eyebrow at you question. "Who?"

"The Secretary General. I've heard him speak on television and the radio, but what is he like in the room?"

Again, Valery took in the surrounding area.

"I'm not sure-"

"You're right. Sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

You shook the idea from you head and pet another stray as it came up beside you.

"Can I ask you a question, Comrade?" Valery asked rather suddenly, his hoarse voice catching in the cold air. You let your silence speak an affirmative. "What brought you here? Besides knowing Khomyuk. None of the public even knew about the accident until recently and none of them know the true severity. Khomyuk knew almost immediately and that's why she came. Why did you follow?"

You slowed and Valery matched your pace. You took a drag from the half forgotten cigarette. For a brief moment, you acknowledge that your lips and his have shared purchase on the thin paper and you suddenly blush. Thankfully, for the cold, it was unnoticeable.

"I've always been like these dogs. Ever since I was little. I find someone and I follow them around. Even if someone is mean and kicks, I'll still follow until I find someone nicer. Khomyuk was nicer. I felt I had to come with her. She has another assistant and he's more than capable of keeping the department going." You take another smoke. "I didn't want to be there without her."

He watched you as you gave your confession. You compared yourself to a dog and he was having a difficult time moving past that. It brought to mind Laika from decades before. He thought suddenly about a different time and reality altogether where he was in a position to give you a nickname, and he thought Laika would be suitable. He quickly shook that thought away.

"Noble," he said finally, though he didn't fully believe it. You laughed.

"Hardly. Stupid, truly. I'll run into anything if it means..." You stopped yourself because, for the first time, you were about to divulge a part of yourself to one of your colleagues here. Not even Khomyuk knew of your deepest insecurities. "Dogs run after their owners."

Valery wanted so badly to force the dog metaphor away with reassurances, but he didn't, because he didn't know how. He wanted to place a comforting hand on you but he didn't know how you would react. He wanted to say and do a great many things, but he couldn't, so he settled for continuing the walk with you in darkness.

[omgitshelenm16]

I thought I’d make these cause why not