#um i don't think i should be here i think i have covid

[hiddlydiddly]

.

[thought--bubble]

She's Happy Now Part 5/5 (Final Part)

Modern Aemond X (Ex Girlfriend Reader)

Warnings Below

Word Count: 2,122

She is happy now Master List

Modern Aemond Master List

Full Master List

Banners by @arcielee

Warnings: angst

A/N: I apologize for the delay on this. Had midterms then covid, a job promotion I've been fighting for (should find out on Monday, please pray for me), then a family loss back to back, and was kind of struggling for a moment. I'm happy to get this out, tho!

Could I talk to you for a moment?

Your palms are sweaty while you wait for him to respond.

He looks dumbstruck.

"Hello?" Your patience is wearing thin.

"Oh, um yeah, of course." he gets up, composing himself and settling back into that stoic look of his. "We can go to the gardens? For some privacy?" He sounds indifferent, but in his head, he is analyzing every word he says.

"Fine," you say, unable to mask the anger that you feel. The walk to the garden is quiet, not one word spoken between you. The tension is thick, and you can't help but wonder if this is a good idea. Still, you continue on. 'This is long overdue' you think to yourself.

"I can't believe we are both going to be off at college in a few months, I'm gonna miss you so much" you clutch onto Aemond while laying under the rosebushes in the garden of the keep. Your secret place. Where aemond would take you to be alone.

"It will be fine. We will talk every day and I'll come visit you and you will come to visit me and before you know it we will have graduated and we will be getting married" Aemond says while entwining his hand with yours. "This is just a temporary separation. we'll look back on it later and wonder what in the 7 hells we were so worried about. " he rolls onto his side looking at your face. He pushes a strand of hair behind your ear. "Hey look at me" he says gently.

You turn your head and see his eye looking at you intently. "We are going to be fine baby. Happy as we've always been. I promise."

"You really promise?" You had been worrying for weeks about the upcoming distance. The tales of long-distance relationships between 2 college age students weren't exactly full of glowing success stories.

"I promise, I swear to you. We will be fine. We are simply meant to be" he raised your hand to his mouth and kissed your knuckles. "Always have been"

You enter the garden and sit on a bench that overlooks the rosebushes. Your rosebushes. Aemond is standing by the bench awkwardly unsure if he should sit so close. Your annoyance with him just standing there gets the better of you.

"Sit down, would you?, you're always bouncing its giving me anxiety." Your eyes are downcast, but you know he sat down next to you because you can feel it.

"I heard your little speech. Clearly, there is something you wish to say to me so..... just say it, " you say irritation in your voice. Clenching and unclenching your fists.

Aemonds mouth goes completely dry, and his hands start shaking. He imagined this scenario repeatedly over the last few years, and now that he is here his entire body is laced with anxiety.

"I owe you an apology" he says firmly.

"Yeah.... I guess you do" you say jaw clenched.

Aemond sighs and runs his hand down his face. "I fucked up. There's no question on that...... and I've thought of you practically every day since. You were more than my girlfriend. You were my best friend. My favorite person." He rubs his hands together trying to shake the nerves.

"Then why? Why? Why did you do it?" Your voice is trembling a mix of grief and rage

"Because I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. I know you deserve a better explanation than that, but I don't have one. I didn't plan it out. It wasn't some big conspiracy. It was me. Being a complete moron." He hangs his head and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.

Your eyes start to well with tears. You lift your head and look toward the sky. "That's it? We lost everything because you're an idiot?" You clench your jaw. "You destroyed me, and it didn't even mean anything?"

He tries to think of a response to this, but he just can't. He doesn't have an answer that will make this better

"I didn't destroy you" he finally says after a long pause.

You look over at him, and your rage boils over. You shove him by his shoulder. "How can you say that? How could you possibly know how I felt? What it did to me?"

"You can't be destroyed." He pauses "you are so strong and-"

You interrupt him "stop. Just stop."

He says your name with an exhale. " I'm not trying to downplay the pain I caused you. I know it was immense. But I can't pretend that I destroyed you. You're so much more than us. You are smart, strong, and beautiful all in your own right. It's impossible to destroy something like that."

You sigh, frustrated. " I guess you're right. I survived. I made it. I'm happy now. " You bite your bottom lip

Aemond pauses and takes a deep breath. "H-he makes you happy huh?" The heartbreak in his voice is undeniable.

You think about this for a minute and smile. "Yeah. Yeah, he does." You feel a twinge of guilt,"even though I waste so much time being angry at you. He is patient. Caring......" You trail off.

"You deserve that." Aemond puts his hand to his chest as if to ease the swelling he feels there. "You deserve someone who puts you first. Someone who is smart enough to recognize what they have"

You ponder this for a minute. Cregan really has been immensely patient. Where a lot of people would have walked away from someone who seemed like they were still hung up on their ex, he was there. Patient understanding.

He sighs. "I know I can't change what I did....... But do you think. That it would be possible to be in your life again? Not the way I was. I know that, but honestly, I'd take anything." He wrings his hands wracked with nerves. "There is a hole in my life, and I know it's you."

Your chest tightens. You know the feeling. You have tried to fill that hole with hate and anger. it weighs heavily on you. "And what exactly do you suggest?"

"Friends?" He turns and looks at you directly now. "Please? I'm not asking for you to forgive me.... I'm not asking that you forget what I've done, but...... I can't go on without you in my life. " he sounds like he is holding back tears. " I've loved you for so long, and it isn't just a romantic love... it's deeper than that. " his breath is shakey.

"I'm still so angry" you say head down looking into your lap. "I don't want to be but I am"

He holds his breath and closes his eye. " I am too. I have been kicking my own arse for the last 4 years every day for chasing you out of my life." He rubs his palms down the front of his trousers. "Asking you this... it isn't easy but I have to try, don't I?"

You finally lift your head and look into his eye, and a wave of butterflies goes through you. You chuckle lightly. "Pretty brave of you, I have to admit. Since I was hoping you would spontaneously combust all through the ceremony"

He looks at you with reverence. As if he has been hiking through the desert and has finally found an oasis. He tucks some of your hair behind your ear. "That would have made things a bit easier, huh?" He laughs, but there is no humor behind it.

You feel a tingling sensation that goes all the way down to your toes at his touch. Your response is automated. Like you are being controlled by someone else. You bring your fingers up to his face and caress his cheek.

He takes in a harsh breath and closes his eye. A single tear escapes and trails down his face. "God, I missed you," he says just above a whisper.

With that, you lose it, and tears start flowing freely.

He opens his eye and lifts his hand to your face. "Can i?" He asks

You nod, and he cups your cheek. He leans in, pressing his forehead to yours. "I don't deserve it... but I need you...please..... give me a chance to be in your life, in any capacity."

"We'll be together forever," Aemond says, sure of his words as you lay in the grass next to each other. "No matter what. You're a part of me now. I can feel it"

You giggle and roll onto your side, holding onto him. "I know. I can't imagine my life without you in it." You shake your head. "That would be just terrible"

"Then let's make a promise," he turns on his side facing you. "No matter what, it will always be me and you. Always. We will always find a way"

"I promise always"

Aemond is holding your cheek and looking into your eyes. Hoping and praying for a response.

"I promise..... always" you say through tears. "We can find a way..... to be there for eachother I know we can"

He hugs you and pulls you tight up against him. He nuzzles his face into your hair and whispers. "Thank you, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me"

He pulls his head back and looks into your eyes. "I know your with someone. I know you are happy with him. I would never do anything to take that from you. I..... i.... I just need to know you. I need to know who you are now. Who you've become."

With that, the levy finally breaks, and you are no longer talking to your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart and ruined everything but an old friend. A friend you missed dearly. You talk about everything you have done since you stopped talking. About you and Cregan your job. Your hopes for the future. He tells you about him. He tells you about how he has become an adjunct professor and that his love life is non-existent. You joke and laugh, both crying and laughing at the same time.

You get so lost in talking you don't notice the sun going down or the guests clearing out. What finally pulls you out of your conversation is Cregan entering the garden with his hands in his pockets.

Cregan shuffles toward you kicking lightly at dirt and small rocks as he makes his way over.

You stand up from the bench and wipe your face. You have a big smile on your face.

"Hey.... I've been looking for you" Cregan says apprehensively his eyes shifting back and fourth between you and Aemond.

"Sorry.... just out here making peace, " you smile while looking down at Aemond, who is still sitting on the bench.

Aemond stands up and extends his hand to Cregan. "I don't think I introduced myself properly earlier. I'm Aemond brother of the groom"

Cregan takes his hand hesitantly and shakes it. "Cregan...... "

You turn to Aemond and open your arms for a hug. You give him a hug and then pull back taking his forearms in your hands. "We will talk again soon. I want to hear all about that interview for the permanent teaching position"

"Yeah... talk soon" Aemond smiles and makes his way out of the garden. Giving you one last look back before he exits.

"So......" Cregan is looking all around not making eye contact with you.

"Hey," you take his hands "there is nothing to worry about. You were right earlier. I wasn't over it. Not because I want him still but because I never let him apologize"

He looks at you, a small smile creeping onto his face. "And has he?"

"Yes, and oddly enough, I feel a lot better," you say, the relief evident in your voice.

"Good" he says as he wraps an arm around you guiding you out of the garden.

As you walk, you think. You don't know if you and Cregan are going to make it in the long term. You don't know if one day you and Aemond may find your way back to each other. What you do know. Is that you needed this. That for the first time in years there isn't this heavy weight. You know that you can look back on your memories and smile. Knowing that although it didn't last, you were still lucky to experience something so beautiful, so meaningful. You feel lighter. And you know you really are happy now.

Just before you a Cregan exit the garden, you take one last look toward the rosebushes. And smile.

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[milfsfckr]

You’re late again. (Pt 2)

of sorry not professor.

Professor!Wanda x student!fem!reader

Summary: your late to class. (What a good summary)

Warnings: vaping, weed vape, swearing.

Proofread. Kinda?

A/n: i have covid womp womp. 😂

Y/n’s POV:

I wake up from someone shaking me, and it was Nat. "Whattt" I whine "doryy it's like 9am, don't you have class in 10 minutes?" She ask "oh fuck" I mumble. "Thanks for waking me up nattyy" I say/yell and go to my bathroom.

This headache I have is killing me ugh, I go in my shower and wash my body and wet my hair. As soon as I'm done I fine something to wear, I chose a light pink crop top and some Jeans.

When I finished getting dressed I did my hair and makeup, and got my bag and left. It was 9:45am and my class has already started so i rushed out of my house and got into a random car I had.

I park at school and run to class, shit I have Ms Maximoff today, someone pray for me..please. I got to class and saw everyone there.

"Your late" shes says, "well no shit" I mumble "what did you say?" She says "well. No. Shit." I say and sit on my seat. "Stay after class Miss Y/L/N" she says and I roll my eyes.

I wasn't in the mood for anything, my headache was still there and I think I drunk too much. I didn't do anything I just watched Ms Maximoff teach, I didn't listen either.

Then I got a notification, it was from Yelena. Shes was at the back of the class, she said 'wow you had some balls' and I giggled, but not loud enough for miss to hear. I replied with 'ikr' and turned off my phone and saw Ms Maximoff looking at me.

"Who were you texting y/n?" She asked "why?" I ask "because your not meant to be on your phone in class" she says "sure" I say and opened my book to do some 'work' when really I was jst drawing random things.

And that's when she said "okay class dismissed, oh and y/n make sure you stay after class" I roll my eyes and said "for fuck sakes" miss looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders.

I got my stuff and walked up to her desk, "yes Ms Maximoff?" I say and wait for her to say what she wanted to say. "Okay y/n first thing why were you late, and second thing you need to fix your attitude" she says "I was late because um..my mum and dad went on a work trip yeah.." technically I wasn't lying?.

"Mhm" she hums "oh and the second one, that would probably never change" I say and she give me a 'what did you say' look "oh well look at the time, I have to go miss. I promise I'll be here on time tomorrow"  I says "did you say you can't keep promises or something." She says "maybe, who knows?" I say and go to my next class.

I had Mr Roger's (op I have a teacher named Mrs Roger's), and he was a dick, so I would piss him off and get sent to Ms Johansson. And that's what I did, but I got sent to Ms Maximoff. I got kick out of class and someone had to walk me there so I didn't run away, and it was Peter.

"Your in shit dory" he says "shut up, I thought I would go to Ms Johansson not Ms Maximoff." I say and he laughs. "Unlucky, but I'll see you at lunch" he says "I should kill myself right here" I say "but then you'll get blood or something on me"

We laugh and he leaves, I go in her office and she says "why are you in here?" "Ask Mr Roger's" I say and sit on one of her chairs. "Hm" she hums "can I go to Ms Johansson?" I ask her then she gave me a look, she looked jealous "she's in a meeting right now, I think that's why you got sent to me" she says coldly "oh okk" I say

"I'm boreddd" I whine "well you should've listened to Mr Roger's and not piss him off" she says "I'm still would've been bored miss" I say "I have nothing you can do" she's says

"Miss?" I ask "yes y/n?" She says "I'm bored" I say with a giggle.

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Wanda's POV:

Oh my days her giggle was so cute. "Well if you're bored you can do your homework?" I suggest "that's even more boring" she says and I laugh "well you have 5 more minutes till lunch, so I don't think you'll be bored for long".

"Okay miss" she says and draws on her hand with one of my pens, And that's when the bell rang. She gets up to leave and takes the pen with her.

“Bye Ms Maximoff” she says and I just nod my head.

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Y/n’s POV:

As I was walking to lunch I saw I text on the gc and it said everyone meet at the park, so I went there and saw someone smoking and when I could smell it I knew it was vape of some sort.

But it was only Kate and Lena, I walked over to them and sat next to Lena and she handed me it and I inhaled some and it was a weed vape.

"Lena were did you get this from" I asked then seeing a teacher coming, "wait is that a teacher?" Kate asked, me and Lena nodded and I hid the vape in my bra.

"Hi girls" it was Ms Hill, "hi Ms Hill" we all say "what are you guys up to?" She asked "nothing much just talking" I say and Kate nods her head and Lena just shrugs.

"Oh okk, well that's probably why you guys didn't hear the bell ring" she says and we just look at each other and get up, "I suggest you three get to class your teachers won't be happy" Ms Hill adds and we leave.

Lena and Kate have the same class, but i have to go to Ms Johansson's class and she likes me then doesn't  it's weird.

I was only ten minutes late when I walked and Ms Johansson just looked at me and gave me an angry look, and I just sat next to Peter.

"Where were you?" He whispered to me, "getting high with Lena and Kate" I answered and he just nods he's head.

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TIME SKIP:

Ms Johansson dismissed us so we could go to a last class of the day. None of my friends are in the class so I decided to skip, andd I still have Lena's vape soo...Thats means I won't be as bored.

As everyone was going to their classes I went to the bathroom and went into a stall, I got my phone and the vape and put the toilet seat down and sat down.

I was in there for a bit then I put the vape away cuz I didn't want to hot box the bathroom, and then put on some perfume and just stayed on my phone.

Then I heard someone open the door to the bathroom but it didn't sound like someone I knew so I just kept quiet and waited until they left.

"Y/n?" It was Ms Maximoff ugh, I just kept quiet and didn't do anything. "Ms Hill is wondering where you are" she says and I sighed

"Oh so someone is in here?" She says and stands by the stall I'm in, "y/n I suggest you come out now" she says and I still don't do anything.

She still standing there after 10 minutes like what the fuck,"y/n I can stand here all day" she says and I just huff. Then the door opens again, "Wanda?" It was Ms Johansson"is she in here" Ms Johanssons says, "mhm" Ms Maximoff hums.

"Y/n if you don't come out you got detention with me or Ms Maximoff" she says "fuck up" I mumble and stay sitting.

It was ten minutes until school was over so I decided to go out of the stall, "finally" Ms Maximoff says and I just roll my eyes "what did I say about rolling your eyes y/n" she says while looking at me

"Remember I said I don't make promises" I say with a smirk, "you have detention with me or Ms Maximoff got it?" Ms Johansson says and i just looked at her.

My Mastserlist. Pt 3

[kaizdreamz]

Watch your step.

1 CHAPTER / ?

High school AU, based on a dream I had reader x alhaitham

Um. So, reader is chronically ill (POTS), BUT still attends in person school part time, Alhaitham is in the other group of students (the grade is split in two, college classes and then normal AP classes)

He's a little bit stuck up. Kaveh is there too. He's nice

i feel like this is will be multiple chapters ngl, this is semi based on what I experienced when I was in highschool before COVID hit.

(Cᴀɴ I ᴀʟsᴏ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I'ᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇʟғ ɪɴᴅᴜʟɢᴇɴᴛ ғɪᴄs ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴄʜʀᴏɴɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ɪʟʟ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ᴀɴᴅ sᴘᴇᴄɪғɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ᴛʜɪs ᴏɴᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ POTS,, I ғᴇᴇʟ ʙᴀᴅ ʙᴜᴛ I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sᴇᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ɪʟʟɴᴇssᴇs)

You tap your pencil impatiently, glancing at the clock in your free period, you had a project you had to do with your group next period. Required your group to go outside, which... isn't bad, but you dreaded going outside and being watched like a hawk from teachers and... stared at from the boys... you aren't around much in school, you only come when you know you can make it / it's important.

"excuse me.." you hear a voice tap your shoulder. You look up and see one of the teacher's assistants from the B students.

"oh, hi" you study his features unsure whether he looks familiar, or you've just never seen him before.

"hi, so.. uh, I have paperwork I need you to fill out for the student council... this is your name right?" He points at the paper, you nod your head.

"yeah, that's me..."

"great! Okay, um. Come with me, the student council room is booked right now with a meeting so we're going to have to use one of the classrooms, all of them are in session minus one, which is in a free period." He neatly stacks the papers, turning for you to follow him. Red clips pin back his blonde hair, you grab what little stuff you brought to this class and follow him out of the door.

"we could've just used my classroom, y'know?" You ask, He gives you a tired smile.

"I asked your teacher ahead of time if I could use it to help get paperwork finished and she told me that since I'm on the different block of students to just use one of there's," he sighs. "She was really nice about it!"

"oohh" you hum as he opens the heavy metal doors for you, taking the shortest way to the block. The cold chill makes you shiver slightly.

"Mhm.. don't worry! This classroom has a study group in it but we'll be quiet so it's okay."

"I've never been in this part of the school, I bet everyone looks like nerds," you joke, he laughs before opening the other metal door and whispering.

"oh! My name is Kaveh, sorry I didn't introduce myself before... I already know your name, also we need to be kind of quiet.." he leans towards you, you glance into the other classrooms with classes going on and it seems brutal, at least.. you don't think you could comprehend it... to many numbers.

You nod at his statement, reading the board next to the door before accidentally tripping over the heavy mat in front of the metal doors. Kaveh is quick to make sure you don't fall, grasping your arm gently and helping you up.

"sorry!" You whisper, laughing a bit. Your heart hammers in your chest from the sudden burst of adrenaline.

"it's okay! I trip over them all the time!" He smiles laughing a little as you regain your balance. "It's this classroom ahead." He ghosts an arm over your back guiding you to the open classroom.

You glance around the room, there's so many books. A schedule is written on the whiteboard and there's eight students total in the room, ten if you count you and kaveh. As you walk past you glance at their notebook and your brain struggles to understand any of what you saw.

"right here," he whispers, pulling a chair out for you. You thank him and sit down as he hands you one sheet of paperwork. "Oh! I forgot to get you a pencil.. sorry, there should be one at the desk."

You glance at the desk in the front of the room, you smile at kaveh before carefully getting up. Standing still for a few minutes to regulate your blood pressure, he stares at you worryingly as you carefully maneuver throughout the room, accidentally bumping into a chair.

"oh I'm so sorry!" You whisper, the guy sitting there just stares up at you. You can't tell if he's mad or tired, probably both.

He slides his headphones down, setting his pencil down. "It's fine." He mutters, his deep voice catches you off guard.

You avoid eye contact but feel many eyes watching you as you quickly grab a pencil from the teacher's desk and hurriedly make it back to the table kaveh and you shared.

"you alright?" Kaveh mumbles, red eyes meeting your mildly scared ones.

"y-yeah.. just wondering if I already made an enemy here," you whisper, jokingly slightly as the eyes you felt before disappear.

"oh, him? Don't worry about it, he thinks he's better than everyone else, that's all. Did he say anything to you?" Kaveh's expression has changed four times after mentioning the guy you bumped into.

"well, besides after I apologized he said it was fine but he looked so angry." You sigh, sitting down. Everyone in the room, including kaveh looked so... professional.. while you were wearing sweatpants, a sweater that was far too big for you, compression socks, and slides.

'To be fair, anyone could assume you were homeless' you recall one of your friends commenting about your outfit the class prior to this. But who cares? You're comfy, and not even meant to be doing anything "professional" for a highschool student anyway, it must be a sort of dress code or something for B students.

you sigh, glancing behind you, the guy you bumped into went back to work, those headphones back on his head. you squint, as if judging him a bit. Kaveh smiles as he shifts through his own work. you turn back to the paper you have to fill out, probably for classes next semester - you look through it and yeah, that's exactly what it is.

you bounce your leg as you fill the paper out, glancing at the time every now and then. You finish the paperwork and sit there balancing the pencil on the bridge of your nose, the bell rings and everyone starts packing up, you slide back on your slide on shoes handing kaveh the finished paperwork. Kaveh smiles handing you a folded piece of paper in return.

"I'll walk you back to your next class," he offers, you accept the offer, smiling as you stuff the paper in your pocket. You'll look at it later.

"so, do you know everyone who was in that class?" You mumble, stuffing your hands in your pockets as he walks you the long way to your next class.

"I know of them, but I really know only one of them. He's.. well. Ugh." He groans, you smile at Kaveh's reaction to your question.

"you two friends?" You grin teasing as he rolls his eyes.

"I don't know what you call that." He brushes his blonde hair out of his eyes. Pulling his pullover closed to his body the cold breeze coming in through the heavy door being opened. "Why is it so cold.. gah." You snicker before wincing slightly.

"give me a second," you mumble, wobbling to the wall. You slide your sandal off pulling your sweatpant leg up to fix your compression sock.

students who pass you seem to point and laugh or glare down at you as you fix the aching pain from the tightened fabric. "You shouldn't do that here." A deep voice rumbles above you, you look up at the guy in front of you. It was him, from before.

You look up at him your eyes widen, feeling very small compared to him now. "Uh, sorry.. it just hurts sometimes—"

"Al haitham! Don't bully them, they were just fixing their sock." Kaveh walks up to you and him, glaring at the taller male in front of you.

You set your foot down, the coldness of the tiles make you shiver which makes both of the men look at you. You smile awkwardly as you quickly slide back on your thin shoes.

"I was merely telling them to not draw attention to themselves, Kaveh." He mutters, rolling his eyes as Kaveh helps you stabilize from looking down for so long. He glares at the other students who were laughing at you.

"I'm fine.." you mumble to Kaveh as he holds your arm up from your dizzy spell. Alhaitham scoffs. "Sorry, for taking up room in the hall." You apologize sarcastically.

Kaveh glances at you in shock, not expecting that response from you. He snickers slightly, "seems like you two are best of friends friends," Alhaitham scoffs, the 5 minute bell rings. "Remember we have a project today Kaveh." He walks away.

"is he normally like that?" You mutter, walking with Kaveh to your next class.

"yeah, that's Alhaitham for you." He sighs, "sorry, you might be late for class.."

"oh nono, don't worry, I have extra time.. if it wasn't obvious before, I was fixing my compression socks, I have a condition— don't worry! It's not contagious!" Kaveh looks at you confused, "people have assumed that before..."

"oh, is that why you got dizzy?" You nod, shrugging a bit.

"I'm only here for three days of the week, well... most times I am." You sigh, "I have it written in my 504 plan, accomodations and such." He nods.

"oohh, I understand, do people not always know?" You shake your head.

"not always, my class knows obviously and my teachers know but other students don't," you roll your eyes, "the days I don't come, someone from my class who lives nearby will drop off my work so I'm still in the.. uh, what's the word— like zone?" Kaveh nods.

"so you don't fall behind!"

"yeah!"

"That's smart, well I'm glad you're still able to do your schoolwork and take care of yourself at the same time," he gives you a friendly smile. you nod, smiling at kaveh.

The rest of the walk is in comfortable silence, eventually you two make it to your classroom, luckily students were still coming in so you weren't terribly late. Kaveh waves as you enter the classroom, you wave back and sit down. Leaning back in the chair as you try not to gasp for air, you don't want to cause a scene or anything.

"You okay?" The teacher places her hand on your desk, you nod your head as you look at the ceiling breathing deeply through your nose.

"walked a lot, student council needed me last period.." you huff, leaning over and placing your cheek on your hand.

"take your time to get situated." She smiles motherly at you, you nod as the rest of the students come in. She walks to the door.

You close your eyes waiting for the class to start, you remember the slip of paper kaveh gave you when you handed him the sheet back. You slip it out of your pocket, unfolding it carefully to see what it was.

"oh" you look at it in surprise, it was his number. You pull out your phone and quickly type it into it with a quick message. "hi"

You didn't expect a response but when your phone vibrated it was him, he sent back a "hi?". You quickly tell him who it was and his texting behavior changed to a more casual one.

"alright, is everyone here?" The teacher starts and you put your phone back in your pocket with the slip of paper. You nod slightly as everyone else responds. "Great, okay so we're going outside for today's class. It's nothing serious just write down what you see and what you think about what you see, that's really it, everyone has a partner so start pairing up,"

You look at the board, seeing who was your partner, it was the same person who came by to drop off your work. She was nice so it wasn't a total waste.

"alright, once you have your partners, grab a notebook or clipboard and a pencil, and start heading outside. Be mindful of other classes who may be outside. You may use your phones, but nothing inappropriate!" The teacher grabs a chair and leads the students out of the classroom, making sure they were quiet as the group passed other classrooms that were in session.

She props open the heavy metal door with the chair as everyone files out in the courtyard, it had rained a few days prior and the ground was soft. Probably one of the worst days to wear slides honestly.

You walk silently behind the rest of the group, the cold air of the October morning sends chills down your spine, it was partly cloudy too, it wasn't horrible weather it was nice. You look around for something of note as your partner went by the courtyard fence. You notice a tall male with grey hair and other students you don't recognize. Your eyes widen as you scoffed as you realized it was Alhaitham.

You speed walk towards your partner hoping he didn't see you, you sit down on the bar noticing the creek behind you two.

"oh, we could write about that..." you point, tapping the girl's arm.

"we could, but also... eh? What would we write about?" She tilts her head.

You shrug. she goes on her phone and you notice Alhaitham was looking in your direction, you make eye contact with him, which made him immediately turn the other direction. You scrunch your face as you notice a bug crawling on the bar. You scream and then start laughing as you scoot down the fences bar. You and your lab partner laugh and giggle as other kids come by to watch the slug.

You attempt to get up but end up getting your foot stuck which makes you fall. "Ow!—" you hiss, hitting your back on the metal part of the fence, twisting your ankle in the process.

"here wait let me help you-" your friend helps you out of the weird position you were in. Your eyes stung with tears as your foot throbs.

"I think I hurt my ankle," you mutter, your heart skips a beat and knocks the wind out of you. She helps you to your feet, you limp over the ditch, nearly falling again. "I'm fine.." you give your friend a painful smile as you attempt to walk back inside the building to get an ice pack. Realizing the door had been closed, probably moved by someone else, the teacher was so far away you couldn't possibly make it back without fainting.

You sigh, sitting down on the concrete next to the heavy metal door. You were next to the B student's lab work. You bury your head in your arms as the pain throbs through your entire leg.

Alhaitham sighs as he walks over to you, "I can take you inside. Are you able to walk?" He looks down at you, you quickly wipe the tears off your cheeks.

"... I'll be fine." You wince as you bring your leg closer to your chest. He sighs again.

"come on," he crouches down to your height, holding his hand out for you to take, you really just wanted to go inside. You take his hand and he helps you up, scooping you up and carrying you, bridal style, inside through the B door. You wrap your arms around his neck as students stare at you and guys snicker among themselves you want to to disappear.

"Alhaitham! What are you doing?" A teacher growls, glaring at you and him.

"taking them to the nurse, what else?" He responds so casually.

"Have you finished your assignment?" The teacher scoffs crossing his arms.

"hey wait— I'm sorry, I hurt myself outside and I couldn't get inside any other way, I can't walk either—" you gasp, the teacher scowls as he lets you and him past.

"minus the sprained ankle, what's the other reason?" Alhaitham questions, raising an eyebrow at you as you two past the teacher.

"I have a posture problem, which my symptoms are flaring up because I overdid it... again," you mutter bitterly. "It's not some sort of disease that'll spread. It's a nervous system— autonomic nervous system to be exact, defect." He nods as if he was completely understanding.

One of the jocks of the B team teased you and him, "oh lookit! He finally found someone!" They joke, he holds you closer to his chest. "If he doesn't want them I'll gladly swoop them off their feet," Disgusting. He glares at them, the hallway seems to go on forever.

"how do you normally deal with it?" He mumbles, glancing down at you.

"pushing through it— oh, do you mean like, when I have an episode? I just lay down until I feel like I can function again, if I can't then I'll just call home and go home." He makes a grunt noise as if he was listening.

You shiver slightly, the hallways are so cold. He took notice of your shiver and walks a little faster. You notice a certain blonde from the corner of your eye, "Kaveh!" You wave, he turns and sees Alhaitham carrying you. His expressions goes from excited to confused.

"hey!— what happened?" Kaveh runs up to you and Alhaitham.

"sprained their foot. I'm taking them to the nurse." Alhaitham cuts him off slightly.

"I would've never expected that from you.. are you okay?" Kaveh turns to you, worry covering his face.

"I'm okay for the most part, just my foot hurts a lot and I don't feel well, because of ykno.." Kaveh nods, Alhaitham glances down at your features, noticing how pale you've gotten.

"we should hurry.." he mumbles under his breath, it was so loud you couldn't hear what he said. "Kaveh, can you tell the teacher I will be late," kaveh nods, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"yeah yeah, hey, let me know if there's anything I can do," he lowers his voice, before going back into the classroom.

"are you and him friends?" You look up at Alhaitham, he's looking ahead to make sure he doesn't run into anyone or drop you.

"sort of, we're roommates." That answer catches you off guard, you think for a second.

"so... he's 18?" You mumble as if doing math in your head.

"yeah, I'm younger than him." That surprises you even more, your mouth drops open and your eyes widen. "...is it really that surprising?" He mumbles.

"I mean, yes?" You look at him as if he was crazy. "You're much taller and more mature looking than Kaveh— no offense to Kaveh, he is much more approachable than you," he laughs a bit.

The sound of him laughing catches you off guard, it wasn't a mocking laugh it was a good laugh, it sounded nice. When he smiles dimples are visible on his cheeks, he looks so much more different. "I've heard that before, I just never thought people thought kaveh was younger than me though,"

You smile as his small chuckle, before hearing commotion ahead of you. Two jocks throwing a football around and have a tussel in the hallway. You gulp anxiously, worried you're gonna get hit.

"Hey! Catch!" One of them yells at the other who ran behind you two, as the further one throws the ball Alhaitham carefully moves out of the way which makes the ball hit the other Jock in the stomach.

You smirk as the further jock laughs at the other's pain. Alhaitham turns the corner, walking a bit more and knocking on the nurses door, "come in," she responds.

"oh, it's you!" She directs her gaze to your face, "and Alhaitham, well good morning. What happened?" She tilts her head as he gently sets you down, helping you wobbling to the chair.

"they fell, and started breathing harshly. I don't think it would've been a good idea to let them walk by themselves and they hurt their ankle so I just carried them." He says swiftly, checking the clock. Sure enough, he was late. He sighs.

"I'll write a pass for you Alhaitham, don't worry. Could you elaborate on breathing harshly? Did the wind get knocked out of you?" She pulls up a chair to you checking your face. You seemed a lot paler than usual, your breathing was wobbly but you tried not to make it a big deal.

"I fell and hit the ground hard, which made me get my foot caught on the fence... my class was outside during a lab report, and yeah.." you huff, every other word you had to take a deep breath in. "..i dont know if i can make it the rest of the day," you sigh, disappointment written on your expression.

She puts an oxygen meter on your finger watching your heart's bpm and oxygen level, it wasn't reliable but it was better than nothing. She hums, quickly writing a note for alhaitham.

"Mr alhaitham, could you get their stuff from the classroom, I think I'm going to have to call home." She grabs a small baggie and fills it with ice and places it on top of your compression sock to stop the swelling. He nods, turning to you.

"what classroom were you in?" He asks still in the same monotone voice from before.

"um, 23A, the teacher probably heard what happened.." you mumble, sighing. Wincing as you hold the ice pack to your foot.

he nods, "is there anything else?" his gaze held yours a bit longer than it should've.

"that's all, thank you Alhaitham." she smiles as she reaches for her phone to call your parents, Alhaitham gives you a weird glance before exiting the nurses office.

You sigh, feeling even more dizzy. Pulling your knees to your chest, cringing at the pain in your foot. You closed your eyes as the teacher called your parents, Alhaitham stopped by again to see your head buried in your knees. Stopping yourself from crying, he doesn't say anything but leaves your things in the chair next to yours. A sticky note on top of it. Once he closes the door you look up and read the note, "sorry you don't feel well." That was all it said, his handwriting was neat and pretty, delicate cursive in a green pen.

---

., ok so this is definitely more than one chapter, Its roughly 3.5k words, I hope you enjoy :]

[antihumanism]

the recent rumblings about the covid-19 vaccine are all true, of course, i myself have experienced it, after i received my second booster i grew these, these, uh, orange glowing tentacles that emerged from my nose, first, and grew across my, uh, my entire face, and, AND i have a CR of 8 now, which i didn't use to have, i never had a CR beofre, people who defeat me now, they get experience points now, which didn't use to happen when people defeated me before i got the vaccine, when i went to the hospital they told me it was all in my head, that this was all just psychosomatic, but i, uh, i got a second opinion from him when i, uh, i, uh, i used, uh i used my Mind Blast special ability which, which, it, um, it stuns people for 3d4 rounds in a sixty foot cone in front of me, i didn't used to do that, i didn't used to be able to do that, i don't think i could anyway, and, then, i, then, uh, i, well, i ate his brains using the, the, uh tentacles that extend from my face now, and using his mind, which, it is in our mind now, we're like, we now, he's in here with me, it is kind of weird, but, uh, we were able to tell that i had become an illithid, from the, uh, from the 3.5 edition Monster Manual, which is just like in the documentary "Baldur's Gate 3 -- What if we return to Bladur's Gate together?" that you can find on youtube, although, my elder brain says that, uh, that we're not supposed to say "illithid," that we should prefer to be called Flayers of Minds, but i think the elder brain is just fucking with me, just, you know, hahaha make fun of the new girl, tell her lies, uh, my elder brain is kind of a dick really, not really a fan, kinda wish i wasn't part of this hive mind, i think i heard someone say you could, uh, after two years you could join another hive mind, so, like maybe i can do that, but, uh, the Mind Blast, the Mind Blast is pretty cool, though, i like being able to Mind Blast once per round, i don't really know how to feel about the rest of this, because, um, like, um, now that i am an inescapable part of the transhuman future destined to rule the entire galaxy and extinguish the sun and whatever, i'd kind of prefer not to have to kill, like, uh, i'd like not to have to kill everybody, so i think people should just, uh, get their COVID-19 vaccine boosters, please

[onomatopiya]

writer tag game!

hiiii thank you @avi-why for tagging me this game seems so fun :D

1. is there a common piece of writing advice that you disagree with? alternatively, is there one you think (generally) most people should follow?

oooooh okay! generally i dislike any hard absolutes like "don't use adverbs ever" because i mean. no piece of advice like that will ever be universal and it's important to consider what Your Piece of writing needs rather than trying to fit a set of ~arbitrary guidelines~

as for advice i think works, i think consistency in writing will always be key to improvement. i like. very heavily stagnated in actual writing after covid (i was like. good lord i was 15 then. wild) because i got bogged down trying to make my book Perfect. and i think if i had actually written more during that time i would be a much better writer now! more writing = more improvement and practice makes pretty damn close to perfect etc etc

2. you can have dinner with any author, living or dead. but the catch is that after the dinner, you and that author will team up against a third writer in a no holds barred cage match throwdown. which 2 authors do you pick?

OOOOH ok. i'm currently very enamored with andrew joseph white and lee mandelo's writing because they both write GORGEOUS prose so maybe one of them? OOO or r.f. kuang . i think tolstoy should get got in the cage match. cry old man

3. have you ever experimented with poetry, plays, or screenwriting? what was the result?

YES i have and now i have a web series. help girl this was not supposed to be longer than a short fiction piece and yet. also shameless self plug you can read my web series about a dead girl haunting her own narrative HERE: https://gloryburning.substack.com/

i do want to experiment more with poetry though!!! that's one medium i haven't really dipped my toes into so to speak

4. what type of rancid twitter discourse would your current wip generate?

oh god what discourse WOULDN'T rr spark. i definitely think having an aroace mc weaponize someone else's attraction to him is probably um. discourse worthy. my top fear is that someone unironically ships lahar (romance and sex repulsed aroace) with anthony (horrible white savior who has no semblance of self) some other notable things that happen in the book:

diversity loss the capitalist kendall roy ass character (anthony) is gay

people of color get to KILL

ruh roh! tragedy :(

horrible horrible body augmentations with dangerous and ableist implications

so much murder. so much assassination. god bless

5. what author would you love to be compared to? what author would you hate to be compared to?

OOOOOOH . uhhhh i love so many authors oh god. i do love neil gaiman i would be so floored if someone compared me to that guy. OH and terry pratchett . probably would not want to be compared to like. jkr. booooo

6. design the ideal piece of merch/swag for your wip.

oh this one is so me bait. i have serious merch and then deeply unserious merch

7. free space: what's one thing you really want to talk about in your writing that no one ever asks about?

I LOVE soulmate horror and just. idk taking different concepts and hitting them with my aroace beam. i love aroace horror i love aroace people. and i think there should be more weird aspec fiction

and question time. putting them below the cut along with tags

what's the first story you can remember writing? how does it compare to the way your writing has evolved? where do you see your writing going in the future?

what parts of yourself (if any) have gone into your current wip? alternatively, how would you fare if you were suddenly dropped into your own wip?

what's one quality of your writing that feels completely unique? what's one thing you want to improve upon in the future?

make or share a meme that you feel captures the essence of your wip.

what are your goals as a writer? do you want to publish? is your writing for your eyes only?

which of your characters is your favorite to write and why?

free space: feel free to be self indulgent--do you have any aus or your wips? if so, what, and if not, what aus/fanfic would you write of your work?

tagging: @macywrites, @cream-and-tea, @saltwaterbells, @coffeeandcalligraphy, @wren-is-writing, @encrucijada, @snowinks, @chayscribbles, @cuntylittlesalmon, and anyone else who wants to do this

[slayerkitty]

BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thanks to @clara-maybe-ontheroad and @twig-tea for tagging me!

The categories are :

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL: Oh man. Um. It might be the song that plays at the beginning of Wedding Plan, during Prapai and Sky's wedding, Battle of the Hymn Republic.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute): "Do you like grilled fish?" Pharm to Dean in UWMA, after they almost kissed, while standing in an aquarium.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad): "Keep looking at me like that and I'll kiss you til you drop," Wat to Tine, 2Gether. This line wouldn't be nearly so cringe-y or bad if said kissing had actually happened. It could've been hot. Instead it ends up feeling silly.

Most stupid decision made by a character: Pharm's grandfather/Korn's father keeping the loaded gun Korn and In used on themselves in what looks like a cookie tin-like box on his bookshelf for 30 years where anyone (*ahem* Pharm *ahem*) could find it.

Worst plot line: Chains of Heart - Din as Lue kills the man who tried to kill him and Ken years ago and instead of having a conversation with Ken about why he took on a new identity and pretended to be dead, etc, HE JUST LEAVES AND THEY NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.

The most problematic show you've watched: Tharntype.

A show people love but you find bad: Tharntype.

A show people find bad but you will defend: Bed Friend. For all it's issues, it's themes around trauma, sex and mental health were amazingly well done.

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it: Unforgotten Night. It's awful. It's also campy and unpredictable in places and there's a m/m/m threesome, so...

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated: Chains of Heart. Something about it hooked me though it's not a well done show, lol. Plus it spawned our Chains of Confusion weekly chats, which I loved.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny: Why R U? It turned into a fanservice sexfest toward the end (thanks, Covid) but I can't even be mad because Zee and Saint went for it and I respect that.

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character: Dinosaur Love. I watched for the chemistry between the mains and Chalarm.

A bad show that you would still recommend: Ummm... this is complicated because I think it would depend on who was asking. If it's a show with tropes I know the person asking would like, I would maybe recommend it with the caveat that it's bad, LOL.

The character that ruined a show the most: Pluern-Plang from Together With Me. Oh, I don't even know where to start with her. Also, Dr Bright, same show. UGH.

Most awful character that you hated: Uea's mother in Bed Friend. I actively wanted her to die and that is just not who I am.

Most awful character that you loved: Vegas, KinnPorsche. Oh, I have complicated feelings about him but overall I loved his character for just being evil and unapologetic.

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like: I couldn't think of an answer for this, LOL.

A hero that should have been a villain: Joke, Hidden Agenda. He should have been a stalker.

A morally bad character you're into: Literally every character in KinnPorsche, pretty much. I love them all. Morals? Those characters don't know her.

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into: I also couldn't think of an answer for this one. One will probably come to me later, LOL.

The show that disappointed you the most: Hidden Agenda. I am still feeling that burn. Chains of Heart also goes here. I still like both of them, I just had higher hopes for more.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons: Tharntype.

[strangerthings4theories]

Honestly, I truly believe, amongst all the other batshit theories that everyone has made about Season 4, that there was supposed to be more about the Russian prison in Kamchatka but for some reason, whether COVID-19 related or not, they couldn't do it.

You pointed out that the part of that prison we see in Season 3 doesn't match & never matches with the ones we see in see in Season 4.

All of this never comes back & there is no explanation why. And what we saw in Season 4 & what it made it out to be was so small compared to what we see here... I even find it hard to believe that even with the amount of power the Upside Down has, including it's creatures, it was able to take down an entire facility of that size especially since it seemed like the creatures where locked only in a specific place. (And again, given the rules of ST, there should have been a gate open in Russia for a long period of time, for what they were doing to work but this is never brought up at any point...)

Hopper couldn't have possibly been the American because we saw in Season 4 that he was somewhere else before getting to this specific base & he never goes to that specific part of the prison. It wouldn't make sense for him to be there, go somewhere else then come back. Plus we don't get any real reason why he wasn't given to the Demogorgon during that Season 3 scene.

Whether it was Billy or someone else, this just doesn't make any sense that there wasn't supposed to be more to it.

I'm choosing to be optimistic here but since we barely know how the Russians know about the UD & what they want to do with it, including the logistics of how they were able to pull off what they pulled off in S3, I'm thinking that we are going to go back to it in Season 5 because if not, this is the weirdest & most incoherent side plot in history.

No no you're totally right though. And I'm glad someone else feels this way.

The Russia plotline still doesn't make sense to me. Not in the slightest. I'd go so far as to say I'm not sure why the story even went to Russia. Absolutely nothing happened there to justify the setting. Hopper didn't need a Big Damn Hero moment because he's already had several, and everyone knew Hopper and Joyce would get together. There were no surprises, no revelations that made me think, "Omg this is why the story took us here." It was actually... um... pretty boring???

As someone who's gone over S1-3 with a fine toothed comb, that was a genuinely shocking thing to see. With every other plotline in the show, I've been able to say, "Oh this is what they were trying to accomplish with that." Not so with Russia. It's a mess that doesn't really achieve anything narratively or thematically.

And it just happens to be the plotline that, up until the last two episodes of S4, seemed to be prepping us for Billy's return.

Hell, even episode 8 went in that direction at first. When Hopper found the adolescent Demogorgon writhing in pain on an operating table, I legit freaked out! It was the perfect foreshadowing for him finding Billy - the teenage boy who's been written off as a monster, but actually deserves our compassion. Seriously, I couldn't have written it better.

And then we got... nothing? Nothing at all?

Lol nahhhhhh. Shit ain't right. I'd sooner believe they got screwed over because the pandemic took away their access to Dacre.

[imsogayyippee]

playlist anon back again here's the highlights

Butch 4 Butch - Rio Romeo

I Love You Like An Alcoholic - The Taxpayers

Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!) - Will Wood (you ever see those videos of cosplays where one person is sitting on a chair and the other person is walking around them kinda pushing them around while this plays? Yeah that.)

Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber

Trees II - McCafferty (this is just vibe but I think it makes sense)

Choke - I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (my friend says this is THE timlex song)

505 - Arctic Monkeys ("I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck" / "or I did last time I checked")

Milk Carton - Mercy Necromancy

GAHHH sorry im gonna yap about butch 4 butch n more gay shit i hope youdont mind.

this song is SO FUCKING ENTRY 54 TO ME. AUGHGUHDUSHGS.

"My sweetheart's piano is rat filled/And mine is infested with bugs/The music we make is unnatural/But it sounds just like falling in love"

DO YOU GET ME. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.

"Tomorrow we'll dig through the garbage/And we'll fish out all kinds of neat trash/And when we go back to my apartment/She'll probably kick my fucking ass"

"I sing her songs in my garage/And make her fall in love with me/And once we're done/The sun is gone/We both just sit so nervously/I talk real slow/And speak real low/Hoping she'll lean into me/But we just laugh cause/What was that/We can't take ourselves seriously"

"She makes me go weak in the knees/But I can't let her see me swoon/Or else she will think I am sweet"

IM SICK IM SICK AOAIUAHGU THEY MAKE ME SO SICK.

--

anyways. i love you like an alcoholic

"Cast that first glance: your smile, my veins"

entry 84. it was love at first sight btw. yeah im right it's canon.

"Kissed that first night/And then the rain opened up the sky to get"

RAIN??? LIKE ENTRY 54? 😦😦😦😦

"I need you like I need a broken leg"

adding this cause it's funny

"Some handsome dark stranger/You were standing there on the corner/You had those compelling magnetized/Eyes you must have lost when you got older"

um. what role did alex immediately give tim when they met. yeah

"Seven blocks in, my fingers brushed your hand/I blushed and you laughed/But you seemed a little sad/I ain't one to jump a ship/But I absolutely knew/I was six steps in when I fell into you"

I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!!!! /nsrs

--

anyways i listened to laplace's angel (i didn't remember which song it was even if i had heard it bfore. btw no i havent seen those videos sorry 😭😭) and um. kills them with my mind

"Could you take a look at me?/Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?/And now we're singing, ooh, whatever you think of me/If you were in my shoes, you'd walk the same damn miles I do"

PARALELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"It doesn't take a killer to murder/It only takes a reason to kill"

AUGHGHSH THEY MAKE ME SICK. ALEX FUCKING KRALIE.

"The only ones in need of love are those who don't receive enough/So evil ones should get a little more"

I THINK I HAUVE COVID.

"If you were in my shoes, you’d see I wear the same size as you"

FALLS HITS MY HEAD AND DIES.

--

sorry i would talk about baby hotline but the kind of lyrics it has are kinda hard to "analyze" like im doing with other songs 😭

--

"Cute guy, nice face/Wrong time, wrong place/I knew in a matter of a minute/His face was smashed/His skin was burnt/His shirt was torn in the dirt"

oh. ok then,dies

"I need you more than you need me/You're beautiful and smart and kind/While I am ugly, full of lies" "And I can't be with you anymore/I can't live like this anymore/I can't hold your heart anymore/I need you to go on without me"

.🙁🙁

--

read the lyrics of choke um. yeah i see it. all i have to say is toxic old men yaoi except theyre not old

--

"I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck/Or I did last time I checked" "But I crumble completely when you cry/It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye"

.🙁

--

"When you put a knife to my neck/My stomach doesn't fill with dread/It's fill with butterflies instead/And when you threaten to do things to me/I don't scream"

ANON WHEN I GET YOU. /VPOS

anyways. that's it i hope yuo liked me talkig about gay peopel like and subscribe for more!!!!!!

[mammameesh]

Fanfiction Writers Bingo

Thank you @mallpretzles, @a-noble-dragon, @tyfinn, @lizzie-bennetdarcy , and @welcometololaland for the tags. I feel so much love <3

I do in fact have a Fanfiction account, and before there I have a livejournal account (most was scrubbed during Covid). I don't think I have a Wattpad account? I do in fact have an A03 and have had one for 10 years. I love writing (and reading) smut. I roleplayed here on tumblr 10 or so years ago and at that time met my comet. We've been long distance friends ever since.

I'm neurodivergent, so where I could probably flail over your WIP and tell you (maybe) what I loved about it, writing is actually hard. Editing is hard, and I'm still not sure the rules for Betaing or being betad? As such, all I do is publish un-betad fics. I am hopefully going to get through for upcoming Fic 5k fest. Also it would be cool to have one for Passions and Pastimes....just saying.

I think most of my fics are self indulgent. Maybe I'm not understanding this concept?

I love keysmashes so I do try to leave them when I cannot be coherent.

We should seriously be allowed to leave 2nd kudos, am I right? Typically I just type in 2nd Kudos during a read through.

I love fluff but I have started to read some angst and I do think angst has it's place too! I write both F/F and M/M though mostly M/M.

I write for Schitt's Creek, 911 OG, 911 Lone Star and Red White & Royal Blue currently HOWEVER I DID THE MATH IT'S LITERALLY RIGHT NOW 87% SC.

I only love researching if that means rewatching the shows are staring at the actors. I write a lot based on my own experiences, not based on research. I use research when I have to. It's necessary.

Probably for my next fic, I will actually write an outline....once I've learned how to write an outline.

Don't we all anxiously await feedback? Sometimes I have to you know go clean or something instead of waiting.

I'm totally counting the Rose I crocheted myself as commissioned fanart because it wouldn't exist without fanfiction.

So many WIPs my lovely mutals...so many!

Editing and formatting is hell and that's one of the reasons I feel like I'm running late this week.

I constantly get ideas in the middle of the night!

I don't drink alcohol, but I need my caffeine!

Again, I think we all have that one fic that lies on the bottom of your statistics page, that you just want to have more love! (actually despite it being my 'least popular' I'm proud of that one!)

I would like to be a professional writer someday. Maybe at least once.

Welcome to info dumping, mutuals.

Um @jesuisici33 or @apothecarose have you done this? Otherwise I think everyone else I know has?

[aroaceconfessions]

some warnings for non-consesual contact + kissing

hii this is an update to a post from last sep/aug about very poorly set boundaries between my aroace ass and a very close friend (who, at that point, had said that they no longer liked me romantically) that essentially led to friend hugging/touching me more than I was comfortable with along with friend saying that they think that they're aroace too so I stuck around believing it without fixing my boundaries (so hugs continued).

Now, I have to say that my dumbass didnt listen to the advice from the previous post (thank you to those who said friend was a red flag). I let things snowball into them getting more comfortable with hugging me and they got close enough to kiss me.

And. well.

I was able to stay away from them for about a month (getting a mild but long-lasting Covid was an odd blessing along with having a very busy schedule). But after that I ran out of excuses. I just. let things continue. I guess they noticed I wasn't really reacting all (and that I didn't let them close enough to kiss me again) that well, because then we had a talk and they told me they still liked me romantically. Over the phone. Where I was far enough to forget that that friend made me so uncomfortable.

I put on my "everything is fine I promise" voice and said well u can't do anything about how u feel and ur a pretty good friend (and they were! except for the fact that they liked me romantically and that makes me want to vomit) so we'll stay close, just don't expect anything romantic from me. I continued to talk and let them hug me and whatever else. (And they invited me to stay with their family in some place they were renting out for christmas???? luckily I had the balls to say no)

then, mid-december, a childhood friend reached out (we'll call them dipper) and i told them everything about friend. dipper said, "Well fuck that, stop replying to them!" so I did.

Fast forward to now, where I'm typing up this post. Just an hour ago friend texted me to go stay somewhere overnight again (theyve sent other messages before that I was able to ignore). I'm pretty sure some other mutual friends were going to that overnight thing as well but I've essentially cut those other people out cuz they just saw me as an extension of friend. so.

It's the dumbest thing ever because right after they messaged I just felt guilt and regret. We were really close for nearly two years before anything really bad happened and I was loathe to cut them out in the first place becuase they were the only person I actively spoke to at some point. And when the first issues started coming up I would always say that it was fine and that I was okay with the touching so isn't it kind of my fault that it happened anyway???

In other words, I felt obligated to reply to them (I haven't, yet. Thought I might have by the time this is posted). I told dipper about it and they said that I should probably talk to friend about everything and I think I will. It probably isn't healthy that I spend everyday dreading getting a message from friend. That when I do get a message my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. And how when we're together my first instinct is to just. stop thinking and act like everything is fine. (Not to mention that I haven't felt safe enough to genuinely tell them about what I've been up to in ages)

So.

I will (hopefully) tell friend about everything. No platitudes. No "everything is fine". It would be a great way to start the year right, too.

Um. I didn't think this would be so lengthy but I guess it's just proof that I've let things go for too long. Honestly, without dipper I think i would have just continued letting things be. I'll go for now. Maybe I'll have an update again in a few months. who knows?

and thank you, admin(s), for this page. everything here has been a lot of help with my own realizations.

💛

[killerandhealerqueen]

39, 40, 43

& hellooooooo how are you bby? i asked many questions because i LOVE hearing about your writing process and all the tidbits you share

Aw, thank you bby! I love answering questions about my writing, it's so much fun. Please feel free to send more!

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who?

Um...no, actually. My writing and my writing process is all me

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

Oh yeah. I mainly tend to reread my own fanfics but there are some that I go back to like ALL the time. There's one fic for the CSI: Miami fandom that I've visited like...120 times? I mean, there are like 22 chapters so like, majority of the visits comes from like reading each chapter but like...still

43. If you take/write prompts: what’s your favorite prompt fic that you’ve written?

Ooo...see now this is hard...I've gotten a lot of really good prompts when I used to take prompts...so it's hard to choose. So I'll just give you a few of my faves.

The Moon Shines Bright Over the Woodlands - Elven au

Eye for an Eye - Mafia au

My Everything - hurt/comfort

Chen Yuzhi is MINE - Possessive/Jealous Jiang Yuelou

"Z" for Zhan - Assassin au

Blood In, Blood Out - Mafia au

Violence Is Never the Answer...Except When It Is - Mafia au

Wait, We're Married?! - first ever Devil Judge au

questions for fic writers | send me asks

And then you had tagged me in the "Fanfic Author Asks" so I will answer your question here

42. How do you get over writer's block?

Ah, now this a good question...the only time I ever really had "writer's block" was when I was in a really bad mental headspace. And what I did then was I had gone home to see my family then for like a short vacation (I also had a job interview back home so it like kinda worked out) but I basically like just unplugged/relaxed/spent time with family (and we had all gotten covid at the time so we REALLY spent time together). But yeah, just unplug, go for a walk, get some sun, eat something, hug a friend/family member...just do not think about your work/fic. And I know that's gonna be hard because it's going to be like a looming, negative nagging shadow in the back of your mind, but you gotta beat it off with a stick and just let yourself relax.

Because with me, when I was fighting with my fic Monster Like Me, I basically worked on it for SO LONG and put so much pressure on myself for the fic to be GOOD that I basically sabotaged myself (and ended up deleting the outline/draft to give myself a completely new slate). Sometimes you gotta just step away and breathe.

But also, there's this thing I've seen going around tumblr that's like "if you have writer/art block for longer than a certain period of time, you should probably see a doctor because you're depressed" so like...yeah. If writer's block persists longer than normal for you (if you ever get writer's/art block)...maybe go see a professional if you can't get excited about your work. Or go read someone else's work. Maybe that'll bounce you back. Either way, taking a step back from your own work and letting yourself breathe and think will do a lot better than you sitting and staring at your screen forcing your story to work. Force never works with fics. Ever. I've learned the hard way. If they don't wanna work, they won't.

Fanfic Author Asks |send me asks

[ask-serendipity-sky]

https://www.tumblr.com/serendipitous-sky/729813625990152192/he-is-not-quite-there-yet-that-was-obvious-with?source=share

Wasn't BTS Vegas 2022 concerts just few months after jimin had covid and appendicitis surgery? That could answer the lack of energy there. But after that except busan expo they didn't really have any performances no?

Anyway genuine question tho, don't pre vegas 2022 jimin performances (both solo or goup) don't hold any value for you to consider his potential?

(I won't get back to you after this ask I promise , thanks for answering and being pantient)

I've been on the fence about answering asks about this topic because people got really intense since I didn't include Jimin in my list of artists in that post. I only mentioned 3 people and said etc (because my list is not limited to kpop -_-) but people made it about Jimin and then some started saying I was hating and shading Jimin.

This is not directed at you but it's directed to all the people who are immature, and because of that we can't have a proper conversation being objective about a certain topic.

It's also not the first time I see my blog in other people's blogs. A few people have sent me links to these posts where a blogger will give their opinion on what I'm saying as if they know my mind. It should be blogger etiquette to not do this.

You can't debunk an opinion. That's not how opinions work.

For the people who don't believe in my posts and like to discredit me, please write your own posts with your own research or at least a proper debunking post because, up to now, my posts are facts. There is nothing fabricated. But saying stuff like "it doesn't sound real" means absolutely nothing because you don't have facts to disprove what I'm saying.

If you as a reader are sending a post so someone else can give you their opinion on a post that is not theirs, you have serious insecurity issues. You need to develop reading comprehension skills and come to conclusions yourself instead of wanting validation from others.

Now, this is directed to you, anon:

I never said Jimin didn't have potential. I said the exact opposite.

I compare Jimin's solo project to his older solo stages, and even PTD. There is a stark difference in the way he handled himself onstage. Like I said, pre-pandemic Jimin had a different confidence level. His stage presence was different. Then along came PTD and Jimin came back but not entirely. You can see this in the Busan concert too. For me, it does seem like whatever he went through in his life affected his onstage persona (which he says is basically the same as his offstage persona).

I said Jimin wasn't at MY list yet but he would get there. This means that I believe he has potential and it doesn't even matter what I believe because he does. I'm not his fan because he is on top of a random made up list, I'm his fan because I admire and love his work.

Maybe he is on your list of whatever and that's fine. But if I give my point of view as a fan and as a musician (I've been a musician longer than some people have been alive here), I think Jimin can still give more. It was his first solo project. You can't possibly expect someone to be at the top since day 1. He doesn't have years as a soloist.

And he spoke about it in his live too.

I don't know why people were trying to convince me to place Jimin on my list and trying to make me feel bad for not having him there.

Um...ok? Make your own list and place him there and be happy.

Hope this helps.

[broadway-heere-i-come]

For the fan fic ask thing: the entirety of Tylenol and Diet Coke from your ao3

First things first, Tylenol and Diet Coke is an excerpt from a Kleinsen sickfic whose first draft is very nearly finished at 3,781 words. I shared a rough outline of the plot and another excerpt in this post from almost a year ago if you haven't seen that yet and want to check it out.

Evan tries very hard not to cringe as Jared digs his fingertips into his eyelid like he's trying to grab onto his headache and claw it out of his brain.

Instead, he swallows the last bite of his sandwich and asks, "Did you take any Aspirin or anything?"

“Tylenol. This morning,” Jared answers. He pushes his glasses back into place and takes another swig from his Diet Coke. He still hasn’t touched his lunch, the limp cafeteria pizza going cold in front of him.

A bit of real-world inspiration: I had awful headaches at the end of every day throughout most of middle and high school, largely due to sleep deprivation, and I would chug a can of Diet Coke before my drama club rehearsals hoping that it would prevent or alleviate them, not realizing that it was further hurting my chances of falling asleep at night. I now keep a relatively strict "ideally no caffeine after 12 but definitely no caffeine after 2" policy for myself.

Oh, also: my mental image of the lunchroom they're in is my elementary school cafetorium, which is where I picture every school lunch scene in everything I read or write taking place.

I originally wrote Evan eating a Sunbutter and jelly sandwich like he does in the novel, but I cut it out for being distracting.

Jared looks even worse than he did at his locker this morning. His face is waxy and washed out under the fluorescent cafeteria lights, and it makes the circles under his eyes look like punched-in bruises.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

Jared eyes him wearily over the grey aluminum. “Obviously. Fresh as a fucking daisy.”

“You know I mean--I mean, you're sure you’re not like. Sick?”

There are some descriptions in here that feel kind of clunky to me that I definitely want to redo, but I really like the way I wrote about Jared's appearance. I am also probably still way too delighted to make Jared Kleinman say "fresh as a fucking daisy."

“You know I don't get sick, like, ever," Jared says. "I haven't been sick since Mallory Bernabale sneezed in my mouth in the eighth grade. I just have a fucking headache because I was up until fucking four in the fucking morning.”

A few hours ago it was fucking three in the fucking morning.

I have an awful time naming OCs and I really wish I didn't go with Mallory Bernabale. It sounds too similar to Mallory Bechtel, which of course I realized only immediately after publishing it. I'll either come up with a new name or a new getting-sick Noodle Incident if I can think of something funnier.

I've had someone sneeze in my mouth in real life, but it didn't make me sick. Not fic related, but I also made out with someone the day before they tested positive for COVID without catching it.

Was Jared lying earlier about going to bed at three, or does he genuinely not know what time it was? It's up to you!

Evan knows that he should drop the issue, especially when getting Jared to talk about his feelings is like poking a bear on the best of days, but... “Still, maybe you should go to the nurse? Just to, um, to check. Make sure.”

“Waste of time. And I have a calc test at two, so I can’t risk getting sent home.”

That is the opposite of reassuring. “Why are you worried about going home if you're not sick?”

I think I decided to set this during junior year instead of senior, which probably means I have to change calculus to algebra.

Jared's worried about getting sent home because he woke up with a fever and took Tylenol to put it on hold for most of the day, rather than just taking it for his headache. At this point, the fever hasn't broken through yet, but it's going to hit him hard when it does.

“Jesus Christ.” Jared reaches under his glasses again to press both palms against his eyes. “Evan, I’m fine. I swear to God, okay? And I promise I have every intention of rubbing one out and then sleeping for fourteen hours the second I get home, so please just give it a rest.”

It’s the blunt edge of utter exhaustion in Jared’s voice that finally does him in. “Okay.”

The last minutes of lunch slip by in silence. Jared finishes off his Coke and crushes the empty can in his fist.

I wasn't sure about including Jared's "rubbing one out" snark when I first posted this and I'm still not sure about it now. I don't know if it's a joke that most readers have gotten or not, so it might seem out of place or edgy for edgy's sake. On the other hand, Jared makes a lot of jokes like that in canon and I want to be truthful to that.

I noticed when I was writing this scene that "It must be the wobble breaking through that finally does Jared in" echoes "It’s the blunt edge of utter exhaustion in Jared’s voice that finally does [Evan] in," which would be fantastic if they were from the same story! But they're not so it just means that sometimes I plagiarize myself. (Yes, I do have two different WIPs that involve Jared getting sick and being a stubborn little bitch about it...although now I'm wondering if anyone read both and did think they were related.)

[aurorawest]

🎙️🍉🎉

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

Oooooh hm gosh I don't know! Maybe A Full and Factual Account of Asgard?

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

I don't think I can overstate how much writing helps me process trauma/negative emotions. I have a DS9 fic (Anamnesis) that in part is about the dissolution of a marriage, written while my first marriage was crumbling. I always say my first multichapter Wreck It Ralph fic was about my divorce (it's largely about how you go on when you feel like you've destroyed everything that matters, and how you forgive yourself). Most of my MCU fic was written during covid, and you can particularly see the theme of isolation in A Full and Factual Account of Asgard and Here, Here and Here. In the manuscript I finished recently, one of the main character's relationships with his parents is based heavily on my own relationship with my parents (spoiler alert, it's not hearts and unicorns).

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

Um. Never? That might be a problem haha. When I finish something long I "reward" myself by giving myself a writing break, but I mostly just feel guilty that I'm not writing every day. I might have a bit of a complex.

Thank you for asking!

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

[purplesurveys]

1833

What's for dinner tonight? Too soon to tell, it's only 8 AM; I don't even know yet what food I'm craving today haha. I'll be in BGC this afternoon for an event though, so I'm already thinking of picking up Shake Shack – either that or Salad Stop.

Do you prefer cold or room temperature drinking water? Cold.

How many different things have you had to drink today? Just water and coffee.

When you read a book, do you use a bookmark or simply dog ear/fold the top of the page? I remember the general range of the page number I stopped on – like if I paused on page 67, I'll mentally bookmark it as simply the 60s – so I can read a bit of a recap and remember better where I left off the next time I read again.

What's the nearest city to you with a population of at least one million? QC.

During the pandemic, did you use reusable or disposable masks? Disposable ones.

What is your favourite local restaurant? It's a spot that serves Korean food. Authentic-anything restaurants are hard to come by here because *everything* is in Metro Manila, so I'm really happy we have this lovely nearby Korean spot where the owner is actually Korean, so everything is super quality.

Have you ever been harassed while minding your own business walking down the street? Yeah of course, by men.

Do you own a gun? Have you ever thought about getting one? Um, no. And no.

Do you know anyone who owns a gun? As far as I know, no. I'm better off not knowing.

What year is/was your 10 year high school reunion? Will you (or did you) attend? It should be next year, 2026, if we're even organizing something. I might! It depends if my friends from the batch wanna go though.

Do you cut your sandwiches into triangles or rectangles? I just keep the square sliced bread as is.

Have you ever seen a panda in real life? Where was it? I don't think I have.

Are there any postcards hanging around the house? If so, where are they from? Nope.

Does it snow where you live? No.

When was the last time you took a flight? Where did you go? Discounting the flight back home, it was a flight to Kuala Lumpur last June.

Is there a flight path over your house? Yes.

Does your neighbourhood have a lot of hills? No, it's gotten very urbanized here and you'll want to go to the provinces if you want to chance upon hills.

Have you ever had Covid? What was your experience like? Yeah it finally caught my ass last year, around October. My case was nastier than most others' – started off with a fever, then I started losing my voice, my sense of taste, then my throat started to stage a fucking rebellion and raised absolute HELL for a week. The throat was the worst part. At the peak of it my body felt like a combination of being composed of glass + an actual corpse and I was like 30% convinced I might actually die lmao.

It definitely took its sweet time hanging out, so it was a relief when my throat started to feel normal again and when I realized I could already sit up.

Do you have any alcohol in your house right now? We have a few bottles of wine.

Do you tend to keep alcohol around the house for when you might want it? Yes, or when I have friends come over.

Has a romantic partner ever given you a pet as a gift? No.

Do you ever talk on the phone with friends? I really only ever do this with Angela, and even then it's not all that often. I ultimately prefer just texting/messaging each other.

What was the last thing someone said to you in person? "I don't know, I'll need to ask" after I asked my sister if her friends like anything from Starbucks. I'm driving her and her friends for their little get together/lunch out today, and since I plan on getting coffee to-go, I asked her to ask her friends what they'd want too so I can include in my order.

Are you hungry right now? What would you like to eat? Tbh not really, right now I just want coffee.

How far away are your parents right now? My mom is like 20 feet away, in the other room. My dad is 15,000 kilometers away.

Do you believe in aliens? Yes.

Have you ever been bitten by a spider? I don't think so!

Do you own any clothing made from animal products like leather or fur? I don't think so.

What's the best vacation you've ever been on? Thailand with my friends :)