#unbearably sad beast

[secretmellowblog]

It’s actually odd that modern Les Mis adaptations never really seem to take the interpretation that Jean Valjean is suffering from severe trauma/PTSD?

You would think that’d be the most obvious road for a modern adaptation to take— especially because “the lasting trauma of incarceration that continues even after a sentence ends” is still a very relevant Thing.

In the original novel, as I’ve mentioned before, reading the descriptions of Jean Valjean’s personality are often just like reading down a list of PTSD symptoms. He has flashbacks at reminders of prison, he has “panic attacks” at the idea of prison where he loses touch with reality and feels the desperate need to run/hide even when he’s not actually being pursued, he is obsessively avoidant of talking about his trauma to anyone, he deprives himself of food and warmth in fits of self-harm, he isolates himself from other people, he throws himself into dangerous situations with little regard for his own life, and so on and so on.

But it feels like adaptations either take the interpretation of “Jean Valjean is a saint” (the musical/2012 film) or they swerve in the other direction of “Jean Valjean is a violent Criminal(tm) who constantly flies into dangerous rages” (bbc Les mis, Les mis 1998.)

While I obviously prefer the musical and think it’s closer to the spirit of the book…. I’m so confused that people who try to write a “gritty/realistic” Jean Valjean are just like “he’s a criminal so he must be Violent, the way criminals are.”

Because again, book Jean Valjean is a deeply flawed character! He’s full of repressed anger/trauma, and makes kind selfless sacrifices but also horrible self-destructive decisions. He’s excessively conciliatory and conflict-avoidant and self-effacing. His relationship with Cosette is complicated and fraught, even though it’s kind and loving. I think if you had any investment in portraying “the lasting trauma of incarceration on the people who suffer through it,” it really wouldn’t be that hard to make Jean Valjean’s characterization very immediately relevant to a modern audience.

[secretmellowart]

M. Leblanc and daisy chains

[inmarbleimmobility]

we don't talk enough about the fact that jean valjean is literally a phoenix

[pureanonofficial]

LES MIS LETTERS IN ADAPTATION - The Heroism of Passive Obedience, LM 1.2.3 (Les Miserables 1934)

The door opened. It opened wide with a rapid movement, as though some one had given it an energetic and resolute push. A man entered. We already know the man. It was the wayfarer whom we have seen wandering about in search of shelter. He entered, advanced a step, and halted, leaving the door open behind him. He had his knapsack on his shoulders, his cudgel in his hand, a rough, audacious, weary, and violent expression in his eyes. The fire on the hearth lighted him up. He was hideous. It was a sinister apparition.

[patronsaint-ofthedenial]

History repeats itself (I added red streaks into the hair of one of my ocs and now he's fucked up and sad)

[bueckers-sturniolo]

the alchemy.

paige x fem!teammate! reader

word count: 2k!

warnings: uhhh, cursing? literally one suggestive-ish comment, if i think of anymore ill come back and lyk!

authors note: HIIII! this is my first time ever writing anything whatsoever, and i can’t tell if i genuinely enjoy or really hate this. you gotta start somewhere though, right? 🤔🤔🤔

go read part two here!

this happens once every few lifetimes; these chemicals hit me like white wine…

you and paige were inseparable. it didn’t go unnoticed by fans, not by any means. you were a year younger than paige, you started playing for uconn her sophomore year. as soon as this was announced, paige followed you on everything, immediately commenting on any post the uconn instagram page made about you, commenting something along the lines of just saying your name in all caps with a bunch of emojis, or even, when she was feeling bold, “Theres our girl! 🤩🙌 (or, ‘my girl’ if she was feeling silly that day),” and even on your own, individual posts about yourself, she’d like and comment some form of encouragement or a subtle compliment just to hype you up, as she does the rest of the team.

she couldn’t deny her nearly unbearable attraction toward the minute she first had laid eyes on you. even if it was over a tiny screen. the first time she saw you was when geno had shown the team videos of you playing and explained to them who you are, where you’re from, what position you play, and all other things they should know. you were around 5’10, and you were a point guard. you had gotten a scholarship to uconn, and obviously, you took it up. the first time paige physically saw you play, she knew you two would become close. not only working together on the court, during games and practices, but also, off of the court.

and you guys did. by the time the season started, you were sure you guys were unstoppable. every practice, you guys were fully locked in, becoming an outstanding duo together. that is, until, she got a tibial plateau fracture. she sat out a whopping 19 games after her surgery, and it was sad to see. she was such a powerful player, and now one of your best friends. games and practices didn’t feel nearly as good without her, but she made you promise that you’d work everyday to improve your already very strong talent, to play for ‘the both of you,’ as she said. she’d come to practices, games, and even just to your personal training sessions to provide some form of support.

what if I told you I’m back? the hospital was a drag, worst sleep that I ever had, I circled you on a map; I havent come around in so long, but im coming back so strong.

as soon as paige was cleared by doctors to begin playing again, she worked several hours, every single day. she came back as a fucking beast. since the day she got cleared and started working her ass off, she earned the nickname ‘sniper’ from you. your nickname for her was ‘killer,’ which, is kinda where she got the idea for sniper. you both were very powerful point guards. every day since she came back, you were amazed by just how hard she was working to get back up to her already impressive level of skill. and as time went on, she got even better than before. from the wise words of your guys’ coach, geno, she literally ‘came back better than she was when she was named player of the year.’

so when I touch down, call the amateurs and cut ‘em from the team, ditch the clowns, get the crown. baby, im the one to beat. cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me. honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

one night, after a practice, you guys are sitting on your couch, scrolling on your phones in the living room of your apartment. she was over there often. you didn’t live in a dorm, but she did, so this is where you typically hung out. you didn’t get a dorm, for mainly one reason, living on campus is expensive. you personally thought that if you were gonna pay so much to live somewhere, might as well be somewhere bigger than the dorms at uconn. your parents somehow agreed, and helped you through paying for it your first few years. you’re now a junior, and paige is a senior. though, she was technically going into her junior year of playing basketball, but it was her last year as a uconn ‘student.’ over the past several months, it’s been…. flirty, to say the least. you’ve always been not ‘just friends,’ but, you never talked about it. it was just ‘normal’ to you guys. you had talked about to kk once, and the conversation didn’t really help. at all. not in the fucking slightest.

“well, i mean… yeah, we all notice it. she just…. acts so different around you…? it’s not a bad difference, per se… it’s just like, why the fuck is she so nice to you? she’s constantly like… on her knees praising you. it’s crazy, lowkey. but none of us wanna say that, so we kinda just have accepted it all season.” kk says, finally looking up from her phone at me, sitting on the edge of her bed, giving her a ‘please help me’ look.

i stare at her for a few seconds, then sigh. is it actually different? does she really do that, or is kk just exaggerating, like she always does?

“kk, i don’t- i don’t know, dude. i don’t notice it. it’s just- like-“ kk interrupts me, knowing i couldn’t find the words to explain what i was feeling, “normal to you?”

i nod, putting my face in my hands and letting out another sigh. “yeah, i get that. but, also… like, how do you not notice it? it’s like- remember that guy she said she had a crush on, like- 7 months ago or some shit?” she said, sighing.

“yeah, why?” i say, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion on where the fuck she could possibly be going with this.

“she literally flirted with you more than she flirted with him. then, she rejected him, and said there was ‘no reason behind it….’ is that not suspiscious to you? in that one picture of you guys and the weird ass dude she apparently liked, she’s leaning closer to you than she is him? does that not even slightly spark a tad bit of suspiscion?” kk says, getting frustrated that im not seeing her point here.

“i mean- no? i didn’t even notice it, kk.” I say, shaking my head in disbelief. “exactly my point,” kk says, sitting up to really try to get her point across. “she acts like she’s in love with you, and heaven forbid you notice it even slightly. i could name so many things that just, like- we have all noticed, and paige knows we’ve noticed. like, that time that one bitch was pushing you on the court the entire game, and paige eventually got pissed off and pushed her back off of you, then got a fucking technical foul over it…? or, how about when she gets drunk, she literally is all over you. like, hugging you, holding you, falling asleep on the couch with you literally on top of her? is that not somehow making you just use that little brain in your head?” kk says, and i just stare in thought. maybe she was right. maybe it is more than a close friendship.

you snap out of your thoughts as paige says your name, looking over at her. “yeah?” you say, trying to seem cool.

“are you okay? you just spaced out for like…. 10 minutes…” paige says, turning her phone off sitting her it down on her chest. “oh, yeah,” I say, chuckling. that’s fucking embarrassing, you thought. but why wouldn’t she notice it? she notices everything about you.

“y’know… you did really good today,” paige says smiling at you. you smile too, looking down at your hands, “thanks. you literally always do good, so. no point in boosting your ego any more than it already is.” you say, looking back up to meet her gaze.

“i call you killer for a reason, you know that, right? you’re fucking phenomenal.” and she meant it. you were a goddess, in her eyes. if there was any person closest to heaven on this earth. it’s you. everything about you. she couldn’t get enough of you, and if it was up to her, she’d show you just how perfect you are to her. you smile, shaking your head in disbelief. “you’re insane.”

“im literally complimenting you, idiot- how does this make me insane,” paige says, laughing. you shrug, shaking your head. “you know, you’re my bestfriend, right? like, the best, best-friend i’ve ever had? ” paige says, after a few seconds of silence. you look back up, your gaze softening, your big grin also softening into a sweet smile. kk was right, you thought. you knew what that was. you knew what she meant. she is in love.

hey, you. what if I told you we’re cool? that child’s play back in school is forgiven under my rule. i havent come around in so long, but I’m making a come-back to where I belong.

you sit in your room in silence, staring at the ceiling. you keep replaying things in your mind, things she’s said. things she’s done. you knew you liked girls, you knew you liked paige. but, at what cost? did your whole friendship form from the attraction you guys had from the start? was this random to her? were you guys ever going to talk about it? this whole situation is ridiculous. right now, paige is visiting her family in minnesota. you’ve met them before, and you loved her little brother, drew, like your own brother. he was precious to you. but, this time you didn’t go, you had to stay back and practice. which, sounds ridiculous to paige given that you’re already the best player in the world to her. but, you knew you’d been slacking on practicing and certain skills you were supposed to be good at. you didn’t want to let her down. or the team, of course. but, paige specifically.

these bloakes warm the benches, we’ve been on a winning streak. (s)he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an ‘e.’

today, you guys had a game. you were always pretty hard on yourself, but, today was worse. paige noticed this, quickly. as she always does. right before halftime, you shoot a three. you make it, but, it still was kinda sloppy. not all of your shots were sloppy, of course. but, today you felt like shit and were on your period. you didn’t feel great, and you were pissed off that the girl guarding you was on your ass all damn game. the girl in question was no other than kate martin, who was always on your ass specifically, when you guys played iowa. it was infuriating, and not to mention that you kept getting fouls called on you by a ref who clearly doesn’t realize that kate won’t stay off of your case. as soon as half-time hits, you walk over to the bench, muttering a ‘holy fucking shit’ under your breath. you sit down, paige immediately following after you, sitting beside you.

“hey, killer…. it’s okay, i promise. you’re doing so, so good.” paige says, leaning closer to you trying to reassure you in a soft, gentle tone.

“doesnt feel like it.” you say, grumpily, grabbing your water and taking a drink of it. “i know, but hey,” she says, smiling. “you’re fuckin’ killing it. if it makes you feel any better, you scored and knocked her down because of how close she was to you, maybe she’ll back off. but…” she says, pausing. “do not get a tech because of her.” you look over at her, slowly nodding. “yeah, im trying. but, the next time she gets in my face, i’m knocking her to the fucking ground again.” you say, quietly. paige smiles, “no being too aggressive… i mean, yes, be aggressive. but, no techs.”

“yeah, yeah. okay, idiot face. i’ll try.” you say and paige smiles wider, shaking her head.

as the game continues, we’re up by a solid two points. youre now in the last 45 seconds of the game. iowa has the ball, clark scores a 3 on paige. of fucking course, you think.

kk gets the rebound, and we get the ball, finally. with now only 30 seconds left, you’re panicking. you’re losing by one damn point. geno calls a time out out to the ref, the ref granting him this and you all huddle over. paige leans over to you, mumbling a, “you’ve got this, killer. im leaving this up to you. you won’t let me down.” you smile, nodding. she smiles at you for a few seconds. she is so whipped, and it’s obvious. you’re addicting. you’re like heroin, but with a fucking ‘e,’ paige thinks.

shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads. beer sticking to the floor, cheers chanted, cause they said, “there was no chance, tryna be the greatest in the league.” where’s the trophy? (s)he just comes runnin’ over to me.

as the game resumes, the ball is passed to paige. 15 seconds. the time is ticking, so, so fast. paige does a pump fake, immediately passing the ball to you. you catch it, turning slightly so you can dribble around martin, who’s still on your ass. you nearly lose the ball. you’re wasting too much time time, you think. you glance up at the clock. 5 seconds. you try to think fast, then quickly preform a fake pass to paige, then as soon as kate turns her attention toward paige, you shoot directly behind the point the three-point line, and you make it. the buzzer sounds. you look over at the score counters, wondering if it’s able to be counted. they announce it is, and you feel like you’ve never been happier than in that damn moment. your entire team is screaming, all of the fans in the bleachers standing up and cheering. you place your hands on your knees, leaning down and panting while smiling. that’s when you see paige, her shirt is lifted up so her stomach is showing, still cheering. smiling ear to ear, she suddenly runs over to you from across the court. she hugs you, picking you up and spinning you around.

this type of shit only happens once every few lifetimes. who are you to deny your love for her any longer? who are you to fight the general chemistry between you two? who are you to fight the alchemy?

a/n: RAHHHHHH I HOPE YOU LOVED IT IM SORRY IF IT SUCKS ASS!!!! IF YOURE READING THIS RN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Astarion & Scratch: Compromising for Tav Affection

This idea is entirely from @nairil-daeris and it's so cute!

~

Despite what some may have believed, Astarion wasn't that against associating with animals. He was actually a fan of a few of them, cats mainly considering their penance for cleanliness and independence. Not to mention they were admittedly adorable. And stood as the one type of beast that Astarion never feasted upon.

So no, he didn't hate animals in principle. He only hated a select few, with reason. Like the type that could rip him apart with their claws and fangs. Or the ones that thought that rolling around in their own filth was a worthwhile pastime. All and all, creatures that Astarion didn't have to deal with on the regular. Or at least not until now.

But here he was, stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere, with his ragtag group of merry weirdos. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate his own acceptance into your little group. He did, immensely. By the look of things out here in this hellscape, he probably would have been murdered ten times over if he had remained alone. Or gods forbid, become a goblin's chew toy.

So while he had no intentions of leaving, he was still frustrated. Especially with the pretty little druid that quickly became their de facto leader. Astarion had been vaguely aware that druids had an intense love for nature and all of its creatures. But that hadn't prepared him for how unreasonable that love could be. It felt as though you would take literally every opportunity you had to speak to any lowly pest on the side of the road.

Not to mention your insistence on taking care of a damned owlbear cub, which was an objectively stupid thing to do. Something that he should have fought you on harder but... he wasn't made of stone. The thing was objectively adorable. Even if it was almost certainly destined to grow up and try to kill you all, Astarion kept his mouth mostly shut.

But then came the dog. That god-damned dog. How a singular mutt could make his life so damn difficult, Astarion wasn't sure. But he did know that he was trying to enact a well-thought out plan. Seduce you, foster a protective affection that was strong enough for you to always want him alive, perhaps use you to defeat Cazador if the parasites proved strong enough, and then effectively abandon you for a new life of freedom.

It was all very simple, and he had gotten a great head start. You had spent the last few weeks flirting with each other, always staying close. You gravitated towards each other, a fact that felt more natural than Astarion would have liked. But... he had found himself enjoying his time with you, genuinely. Not that it mattered, but it was definitely a plus for his plan. Being with you was far from unbearable. You were attractive, sweet, a little angel just begging to be corrupted. A job that Astarion was growing excited to start.

He had been so, so close to fully propositioning you, completely confident that you would agree. And then Scratch happened. He hadn't thought much of it when you came across the little mutt. Maybe it would stay with the corpse of its owner or it would be another hanger-on like the owl bear. He hadn't had a horse in the race either way.

But then he did show up to the camp, looking so sad and dejected that even Astarion couldn't be bothered that his arrival completely interrupted his first attempt at asking you to bed. He had watched you pet and whisper to him for the rest of the night, providing a comfort that only a druid could.

Which was fine. Or at least it had been for that one night. That one night that kept repeating. Because suddenly, that damned dog was everywhere. The quiet nights the two of you had together by the fire, talking about anything and everything with your thighs pressed together now included Scratch squeezing himself into the middle.

The orchestrated moves he would do to make you blush, like removing a non-existent speck from your cheek with his thumb or leaning in close to remove a leaf from your hair, were getting harder and harder to pull off. The damned mongrel was always there, and any attempts Astarion took to get close to you Scratch used as an invitation to jump all over him. If he had it to wash his face of dog slobber one more time from the crime of trying to hold your hand, he was going to go ballistic.

And there was zero reprieve. The thing went with you everywhere, even in the most perilous of situations. Worst of all, it actually proved to be useful. Astarion had no idea where the thing was trained, but it was incredibly smart. Smart enough to serve as a perfect distraction when needed, while being clever and fast enough to never get himself killed. He could even function as a spy, considering how you could make sense of all of his whining and barking. And worst of all, the little beast was amazing at thievery, with nothing more than his mouth. No one suspected the adorable dog to be the one stealing your coin purse right off of your belt. He was completely inconspicuous, perhaps even more so than Astarion. A fact that... was not sitting well.

How on earth was he being outclassed by a fucking dog? One that he had no valid arguments to leave behind at camp.

And to top it all off, you even slept with it. You slept with both animals, usually huddled up in a pile beneath the stars. How you managed to not stink of dog breath and owlbear saliva in the morning, Astarion would never know.

How was he supposed to make you fall for him like this? In the past two weeks since you'd attached yourself completely to the thing, doting on him constantly. He had only managed to sleep with you once. The night of the celebration over the goblin slaughter, and what a lovely night it had been. But that was only because Scratch and the cub had been sufficiently distracted by all of the enamored tiefling children. The next night it was back to the same.

And Astarion was not willing to let the night you had together go as a one night stand. Maybe it wasn't necessary. It had become clear that you cared for him, you cared for all of them. Enough to put yourself in danger for every party member's protection. A strong friendship would probably do him just as good as a romance. But... that didn't feel like enough. He didn't want it to be enough. For reasons that he was not going to start examining now.

No, for now he was just focused on getting past your slobbery bodyguard. But he knew better than to bring it up to you directly. You were far too infatuated with the pup to see his side of things.

Gale had made a singular comment on a slight frustration over having to wait around for Scratch to sniff nearly everything he came into contact with, and that had ended in you giving him a half-hour lecture on the importance of understanding one's surroundings. Shadowheart had mentioned, once, just once, that perhaps it was time to start looking for a more appropriate family for the dog, and that had led to you giving her the cold shoulder for days.

No, if he was going to get more time alone with you Astarion would have to try other means. Which had led him here, swinging back a Potion of Animal Speaking with a grimace. It tasted oddly grassy, like he had just swallowed blended up lawn shavings. But he didn't have time to grouse over the taste, not when you were thoroughly distracted with talking about druid mythology with Halsin, Scratch left conveniently alone to dig holes in the back of camp.

And that was where Astarion was going. Because if he couldn't reason with you, perhaps he could reason with the mutt itself.

Part of him could not quite believe that he had to resort to speaking with a dog to further this relationship, but here he was.

Astarion stopped in front of him, swallowing back a grimace at how the thing was digging dirt directly on his shoes. Instead, he smiled down at it, his voice only slightly strained when he asked, "Can you understand me?"

Scratch stopped his digging, opting to sit and stare up at him, an oddly humanoid voice answering, "Yes."

Huh, so that's how this spell worked. It was a little disconcerting to hear a human voice from a dog's mouth, but he would make do. Astarion cautiously sat next to him, perching on a nearby log as he tried to keep a pleasant smile on his face, "Good. How are you?"

Scratch stared at him, his head cocked, "The dirt tastes good here. I like that."

That was... Astarion didn't know. It was his own fault for trying to make small talk with an animal. He cut straight to the point, "That's great to hear. Now, would you mind doing me a favor tonight?"

Astarion had never had a dog narrow its eyes at him before, but that's exactly what Scratch did, "What is it?"

"Nothing serious," Astarion tried to reassure, "I was just hoping that perhaps you and the cub could sneak off for a night so Tav and I could spend some time together-"

"No," Scratch interrupted circling the ground three times before laying down, his eyes still on Astarion.

"Excuse me?" Astarion shot back, his true annoyance shining straight through his voice, "It's not exactly much to ask for! It's one night-"

"I don't trust you around them," The dog said simply, "I think you're going to hurt them."

Well that was just offensive. Ever since this little brat's arrival Astarion had barely had a chance to drink from you. And the times he did he was perfectly in control. Not including the first time of course.

"I'll have you know that not every vampire is some hellish demon with no self-control," Astarion bit out, only the slightest bit amused at himself for being reduced to defending his own disgusting kind, "And why pray tell, would I hurt one of the only reasons I'm still alive."

Scratch shook his head, one eye closed like this conversation was boring him, "Not that kind of hurt. The inside kind, that makes people cry. I don't want them to cry."

That was-Astarion didn't-how in the hells could a dog see through him that easily?

"I have no intention of hurting them," Astarion lied. Or at least he thought it was a lie. It felt... uncomfortably true when spoken allowed, "I just want to have a little fun, that's all. Don't you think they've earned that?"

"Not with you. You don't like them enough," Scratch sighed, "I like Gale more. Or Wyll. Karlach too. They can have fun with them instead."

That was it. Astarion was going to wring this little shit's neck. But before he could give into his more violent impulses, he could hear your voice, calling out to the current root of all of his problems.

Scratch bounded up, his tail already wagging as he started to trot over. But before he fully did he turned around, giving Astarion a once over, "If you can prove you like them, then I'll consider it."

And just like that he was off, running to your side while leaving a stunned Astarion in his wake. Did... did he just get verbally annihilated by a damn dog? How was he supposed to go on after this? Not to mention he was actually thinking about what the creature said. It sounded like a challenge, one that Astarion was suddenly pissed enough to take up.

If the little shithead wanted sincerity, then he would get it. And that's how Astarion found himself willingly opening up more. Even if it had to be in front of the damn dog. He told you more about Cazador, the horrors and tribulations he had endured through centuries. He told you of his regrets, the things he missed the most about being a mortal. He even told you the truth about that first night that you let him drink from your neck. That... that you were the first. How good it had felt to have what he had been denied for so long. And he was rewarded with his honesty. He got to learn more and more about you in turn. Your family, your home, where you incessant love for nature derived from. He was starting to slowly become a Tav-expert, suddenly hungry for every bit of information that he could procure.

They were long conversations, long enough to last well into the night. And for Astarion to be exhausted enough to just... fall asleep in the first available location. Which just so happened to always be in the pile of creatures you liked to sleep with. Though, Astarion had to admit after experiencing it himself, it was oddly pleasant to be surrounded by the warm, furry little headaches.

As for the two of you, things were slowly progressing in regards to his plan. A plan that he continually kept conveniently forgetting about. You were together now at the least, even if Scratch hardly ever let you have a night alone. But you cuddled and kissed, called each other pet names and the like. And... it was nice. Perhaps even too nice. Because Astarion was starting to... feel things that he'd prefer to not.

He was getting too attached, too close. The idea of sex didn't even seem to matter anymore, let alone the idiocy of trying to convince a dog to help him in that department. He was knowing too much of you, and the fact that he seemed to adore everything he saw only made it worse. And then the two of you managed to kill that demon, getting more and more information about Cazador. You risked so much for him, and were willing to risk so much more. He couldn't take it anymore.

He had told you the next night, everything. His plan, his past, how easy it was to revert back into new tricks. But he didn't want that with you. Maybe he never did. He wanted something real, and by the gods above you wanted the same thing. He had half expected you to dump him completely after that little speech. But... you didn't. Instead you hugged him, comforted him for trying and failing to betray your trust. It was a kindness he didn't deserve, but one that he would gladly accept.

Everything felt easier after that. Yes there were still countless horrors hanging over your heads but... he had you. And with you he was starting to think he could get through anything.

Even Halsin's insistent flirting. He was watching you both now as you helped him nurse a dying sapling to health, his eyes tracking Halsin's every move as he pretended to read. While he trusted you more than anything, fully aware that you would never stray, it didn't stop the paranoia. Just one other aspect of being in a real relationship that he hadn't seen coming. Turns out, it involved being terrified of losing it all. Especially to handsome, bulky elf druids.

But before he could fret over it any longer, he felt a tugging on his pant leg. He glanced down, his brow furrowing when he saw Scratch there, his tail wagging and his tongue lolling out.

"What the hell do you want?" Astarion asked, his words completely unmatching his actions as he scratched him behind the ears. Don't get him wrong, he still at least semi-loathed the creature but... he's also not quite sure he would have gotten to this point without his intervention. So a reluctant appreciation for his existence it was.

Scratch continued to paw at his leg, a low whine in his throat as he cocked his head to the right. Astarion followed the motion, only getting more confused when he realized he was trying to point to another potion.

Astarion sighed as he picked it up, “What? You want me to understand a new dressing down speech?”

Scratch continued to wag his tail, letting out a happy bark as a confirmation. As much as Astarion would prefer to not spend an evening getting lectured by a dog, he was more than a little curious to see what he had to say. 

He swallowed it down, grimacing at the taste as he wiped his mouth, “Okay, out with it. What do you want?”

"I like you now," Scratch said excitedly, prancing back and forth in front of him, "And they like you too. Do you like them?"

In moments like this, Astarion really did wish he had the heart of stone that he pretended to carry. Because the unexpected approval from a random pup was suddenly making him feel almost teary eyed. Or it was the bitter taste of the potion, but either way the innocent words were making his heart ache pleasantly. 

Astarion swallowed, smiling down at him, “I like them very much. More than anyone before. And I’m starting to think you might not be so bad either.”

Scratch sat in front of him, resting his head in his lap as his tail wagged, a goofy smile on his adorable face, “It’s because I’m a good boy. They tell me so all the time. Are we friends now? We are right?”

“Yeah,” Astarion smiled as he ran a hand through his white coat, his eyes drifting over to you. You were watching them, grinning ear to ear with a hand over your heart, nearly moments away from swooning. He looked back down at the dog, his smile only widening, “We’re going to be great friends.”

[animusrox]

LETTERBOXD

1.   The Batman 2.   Everything Everywhere All at Once 3.   Prey 4.   Triangle of Sadness 5.   Barbarian 6.  The Northman 7.   Bodies Bodies Bodies 8.   The Banshees of Inisherin 9.   Bones and All 10.   Avatar: The Way of Water

Grade A

11.   Turning Red 12.   The Menu 13.   Babylon 14.   Hit the Road 15.   Cow 16.   Watcher 17.   Funny Pages 18.   Mad God 19.   On the Count of Three 20.   Armageddon Time 21.   Terrifier 2 22.   Marcel the Shell with Shoes On 23.   Smile 24.   Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery 25.   Holy Spider 26.   Aftersun 27.   The Fabelmans 28.   Breaking 29.   Decision to Leave 30.   The Whale 31.   All Quiet on the Western Front 32.   Brian and Charles 33.   Piggy 34.   Saint Omer 35.   Thirteen Lives 36.   Men 37.   The Fallout 38.   Resurrection 39.   Causeway 40.  The Black Phone 41.   Official Competition 42.   Nope 43.  Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio 44.   Apollo 10½: A Space Age Childhood 45.   Till 46.   TÁR 47.   Happening 48.   A Love Song 49.   The Outfit 50.   The Innocents 51.   Jackass Forever 52.   BARDO, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths 53.   Montana Story 54.   Three Thousand Years of Longing 55.   You Won’t Be Alone 56.   The Sadness 57.   Halloween Ends 58.   Pearl 59.   X 60.   Vesper

Click "Keep Reading” For My Full List

Grade B

61.   This Place Rules 62.   Fresh 63.   Windfall 64.   Kimi 65.   No Exit 66.   Top Gun: Maverick 67.   “Sr.” 68.   Farha 69.   The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent 70.   Weird: The Al Yankovic Story 71.   Nitram 72.   Speak No Evil 73.   Run Sweetheart Run 74.   She Said 75.   White Noise 76.   Puss in Boots: The Last Wish 77.   V/H/S/99 78.   The Wonder 79.   Women Talking 80.   Hatching 81.   Soft & Quiet 82.   Scream 83.   To Leslie 84.   Hustle 85.   Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers 86.   Dual 87.   God’s Country 88.   Emancipation 89.   Vengeance 90.   Fire of Love 91.   Bullet Train 92.   Incantation 93.   The Valet 94.   Hellraiser 95.   Christmas Bloody Christmas 96.   Significant Other 97.   Cha Cha Real Smooth 98.   Lucy and Desi 99.   Not Okay 100.   A Christmas Story Christmas 101.   Blonde 102.   Deadstream 103.   Sissy

Grade C

104.   The Bad Guys 105.   The Cursed 106.   Empire of Light 107.   A Man Called Otto 108.   Broker 109.   Black Panther: Wakanda Forever 110.   The Princess 111.   Beast 112.   After Yang 113.   RRR 114.   Fall 115.   Jackass 4.5 116.   Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe 117.   Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness 118.   Jennifer Lopez: Halftime 119.   Lightyear 120.   The Pale Blue Eye 121.   The Woman King 122.   Violent Night 123.   God’s Creatures 124.   Ambulance 125.   Elvis 126.   You Are Not My Mother 127.   Emily the Criminal 128.   Crimes of the Future 129.   The Apology 130.   The Lost City 131.   Wendell & Wild 132.   Trainwreck: Woodstock ’99 133.   The Found Footage Phenomenon 134.   See How They Run 135.   Spiderhead 136.   Studio 666 137.   Bros 138.   Spin Me Round 139.   We’re All Going to the World’s Fair 140.   Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank 141.   Honor Society

Grade D

142.   Thor: Love and Thunder 143.   Summering 144.   Strange World 145.   Glorious 146.   The Gray Man 147.   Devotion 148.   Clerks III 149.   The Forgiven 150.   Enola Holmes 2 151.   Father Stu 152.   Jurassic World Dominion 153.   DC League of Super-Pets 154.   She Will 155.   The Bob’s Burgers Movie 156.   Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody 157.   Hellbender 158.   Samaritan 159.   Day Shift 160.   Sonic the Hedgehog 2 161.   Prey for the Devil 162.   Troll 163.   Uncharted 164.  Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile 165.   Dashcam 166.   Firestarter 167.   Do Revenge 168.   Catwoman: Hunted 169.   The Munsters 170.   Amsterdam 171.   Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Grade F

172.   Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris 173.   The Bubble 174.   Dead for a Dollar 175.   Jerry & Marge Go Large 176.   Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul. 177.   Infinite Storm 178.   Marry Me 179.   Don’t Worry Darling 180.   Spirited 181.   Disney's Pinocchio 182.   Alice 183.   Black Adam 184.   Orphan: First Kill 185.   The Adam Project 186.   The Invitation 187.   Texas Chainsaw Massacre 188.   Ticket to Paradise 189.   The 355 190.   Umma

Bottom 10

191.   Green Lantern: Beware My Power 192.   Deep Water 193.   Where the Crawdads Sing 194.   Blacklight 195.   Mack & Rita 196.   Memory 197.   Me Time 198.   Death on the Nile 199.   Morbius 200.   Moonfall

[lendeah]

Note: I just wrote this small scene because I feel like the original lacked the anger and emotion of your literal soulmate wanting to IMPLODE HIMSELF??? Anyway, here is my own version of it. Hope you enjoy it :)

Prompt: You convince Gale out of exploding himself to destroy the Elder Brain.

or

Your boyfriend is trying to k word himself for his toxic ex so you have to shake some sense into him.

Pairing: Gale x GN!Reader

Words: 1.3k

Tags: fluff, hurt/comfort, minimal angst.

The warmth of Gale's embrace made you hesitate to move, as if any motion would shatter the moment. But as you stirred, the illusion of the starry sky from last night was quickly replaced by the harsh reality. The looming Moonrise Towers stretched towards the horizon, casting an eerie glow over the dark and cursed sky. You could feel Gale's chest rising and falling beneath your head, your bodies entwined in a tangle of limbs.

"Do you really have to do it?" you whispered, knowing that he had been awake for some time now. The heaviness in your voice betrayed the weight of this question - one that you already knew the answer to.

"It is what Mystra expects of me" he replied, his voice tinged with sorrow. Gale slowly untangled himself from your hold and sat up, his eyes scanning the horizon. You could see the conflict in his expression, but also a sense of duty and determination.

"We can always look for another way," you said, reaching out to touch his arm. He turned to look at you, his eyes meeting yours with a mix of sadness and longing.

"I know," he said softly, "but I have to make up for my wrongdoings. For the time being, I hope the end is much farther away than I had suspected, and that tonight meant as much to you as it did to me"

You wanted to argue, to convince him that you could face whatever lay ahead together, but deep down you knew that it wouldn't matter. At the very end, all you felt was a strong desire to be by his side and stand with him, no matter what choice he made, even at the cost of his and your own life.

"I will stand by your side no matter what," you declared solemnly.

A small smile tugged at Gale's lips before he leaned in "Thank you," he whispered, brushing a soft kiss against your temple. "I love you," he added, voice full of emotion.

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. Instead, you simply nodded and gave him a small smile. You just held to the hope that when the time came, sometime in the far future, he would reconsider.

The time, much to your dismay, came much before you expected. It turned out, the Absolute, which now you knew was an Elder Brain, was lying beneath Moonrise Towers all along.

"Well, shit," Astarion exclaimed as he surveyed the massive organ with its pulsing and writhing tentacles emerging from its base. "I did not see that coming."

"We need to make a plan," Shadowheart said firmly.

Lae'zel stood at the ready, her sword glistening in the dim light as she spoke. "We shall seek out a weakness, or create one ourselves."

Wyll nervously tightened his grip on his weapon. "A weakness? That beast appears impenetrable."

"Ketheric is our priority," Karlach declared, determination hardening her voice. "That fucker is going down for what he did to Nightsong and Isobel."

As the group discussed their options, you couldn't help but glance over at Gale, your heart pounding like a drum in your chest. You had thought you were prepared for this moment, but now, as he stood before you, you realized you couldn't let him do it. The love you held for the wizard had rooted itself so deeply within your heart that the mere thought of losing him, or worse, watching him sacrifice himself, was unbearable. You knew that he was brave and selfless, but you couldn't let him go without a fight.

Gale stood a few meters behind the group, his eyes fixed on the towering brain before them.

"That Crown," he whispered, mostly to himself, "it radiates with power unlike anything I've ever seen." He took a step closer, his gaze never faltering. "To have it...to hold it...if only I could." He shook his head. "But I can't... this is it. I must do as Mystra commands."

You felt your breathing stop.

"Wait!" you scream, reaching for his arm. "Gale, you can't do this. You cannot condemn us all."

You could see the turmoil in Gale's eyes as he looked back at you. His hand hesitated, hovering over his chest before finally falling to his side.

Gale sighed heavily and shook his head. "what choice do I have?" he asked softly, his eyes filled with sadness. "More than just a goddess counts on my courage, the whole worlds hang in the balance."

"But what about our lives?" you argued, tears welling up in your eyes. "I know I promised to support you, but I can't stand and watch as you blow yourself up for an uncertain future. You deserve more than that, and I know there will be another way. And if not, at least we will die trying."

He looks divided, his face contorted in confusion.

"Mystra's mission is paramount," he insists, his voice trembling with determination. "I will not fail her."

You take a step closer and grip his face roughly, forcing him to meet your gaze.

"Don't you see? Mystra has let you down countless times!" you roar, tears streaming down your face. "You owe her nothing. You owe no one anything, much less your own life. You deserve to live." Your body trembles with emotion as you try to break through his blind devotion.

Gale looks at you, his expression softening. "I...I can't abandon my duty," he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

"But you also can't abandon us," you reply, your voice shaky. "We need you, Gale. I need you." You take a shuddering breath, your words pouring out in a rush of raw honesty. "And...I love you."

Gale's eyes widen in surprise at your confession. He opens his mouth to speak, but you press on, not wanting to give him a chance to object. "And if there is a possibility of a shared future next to you, I will fight for it until my very last breath."

Gale's expression softens even more, and he reaches up to cup your cheek with his hand.

"Fine," he says, determination in his eyes. "I trust you. We'll find another way."

You let out a sob of relief and wrapped your arms tightly around him, holding onto him as if he might disappear at any moment. "I should have told you sooner," you whisper, tears still streaming down your face. "But I was so afraid...afraid of losing you."

Gale closed his eyes and held onto you tightly, allowing himself to finally let go of the burden he had been carrying alone for so long. And in that moment, surrounded by chaos and uncertainty, everything feels right.

"I love you too," Gale whispered into your hair. "And I promise to fight for a future where we can be together."

You pull back slightly to look into his eyes, a glimmer of hope shining through the tears. And without another word, Gale leans down and presses his lips against yours in a passionate kiss.

As if on cue, the ground begins to shake violently as the brain continues its descent towards them. But this time, instead of feeling fear and desperation, you feel determination and hope burning within both of you. You have something worth fighting for.

[yourejinx]

Undeniable Bonds.

Azriel x F. Reader

Warnings: angst, sad, ugly thoughts. 

word count: 3583.

Author’s note: I’m so sorry I’m so late with this. I still don’t know if I like it, but hopefully it isn’t that bad. I know it still is a lot of context, but I promise I’m getting somewhere. 

CHAPTER TWO. 

“CASSIAN!” — Nesta’s warning roar reached my ears and everything seemed to stop. I turned around dragging my sword with me and gutting the Hybern soldier in one go. 

I scanned the area where Cassian’s party was fighting in the skies, then towards the older Archeron sister on the ground next to Amren. Something throbbed inside my veins in warning, as if something hideous had come to life. It took me a heartbeat to understand. The Cauldron. It was going to blast, and Nesta had known where it was aimed at. 

 The Ilyrians had their shields up, Rhys had blasted his magic across the field and Cassian —gods above— Cassian was already racing towards Nesta, and out of the Cauldrons range. Still, something kept pushing, urging me to move. Danger, Danger, Danger it chanted. It hit me a moment later, and all my alarms went off. Where was Azriel? 

Amidst the blinding light and unbearably heat of the blast that followed, I almost missed the faint blue glow trying and failing to contain the blow. There, just behind the ranks, Azriel’s focus was solely in holding that shield up, trying to spare someone, anyone. I could only watch in horror as one of those abhorred gray-skinned creatures approached him fast, claws ready to cut through skin and bone. It was going to behead him. 

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream like Nesta had to let him know. But my voice failed me, my throat so sore that only a pathetic strangled whisper managed to escape my trembling lips; “No.”

I cursed the mother, the gods and fate itself for not making me a winged creature. 

It was impossible for him to have heard it through this distance, and yet —somehow— as if it had slapped him across the face, he turned towards me. His eyes found mine through ash and gore and despair, and I couldn’t let myself think twice before winnowing right at his back, atop the damned beast aiming for his head. I couldn’t bother with strategy at this point, I just angled my blade against that misshaped chest and pushed to get it through its heart. The creature thrashed and fought fangs and claws to get me off, turning us around in the sky as we plummeted down towards certain death. It was enough, I told myself as the ground inched closer to us. It was enough to get it away from Azriel. 

I braced myself for the impact, my eyes closed shut and my arms gave up as the creature finally stopped moving. But my body never touched the ground. 

Rough, desperate hands were gripping my legs and under my arms, snatching me from the Attor’s grip and up to the skies again. I dared a look at his face, he was forcing his still healing wings far too much but he didn’t seem to care. Hazel orbs were already staring at me. Gaping at me. And I felt it too, the golden string stretching between our souls. Mates, Azriel was my mate. 

“You…” Azriel choked on his words. Eyes wide.

“Later.” I promised, still shaken by the feeling of him. Of his very essence entwining with mine. 

But the war was still raging under our feet. Later never came. 

—----------------------------------------------------------

It had been terrible timing for the bond to snap then. With all that was going on, Amren turning into a living raging flame then vanishing, the Cauldron and the world falling apart…Rhys dying —fucking dying on us — only to come back later. 

We didn't speak about it, Azriel and I. Didn't bother to acknowledge it as time passed and we fell back into routine. The adrenaline of the war worn out. 

It didn't matter anyways, I realized coming back to present time, for he had hated it even then. So I shut it down, and never dared to talk it into existence. 

My mate, the person destined for me, despised me in every way he could. It had to be the saddest joke of them all. 

But he had a right, after all, who would love an unworthy monstrous thing like myself? 

I pushed the little bakery's door open, walking straight to Rhysand's favorite sweets and buying an entire box of them. 

"You're not his fucking sister!", Azriel's words still rang loudly in my head. I had to think carefully how to bring the subject up to Rhys, my decision  to leave this court. Because even if I wanted to deny it, some part of what the Shadowsinger had said resonated with me. I didn't deserve Rhys, didn't deserve any of them. 

It was getting late already, the sun starting its descent behind the mountains casting Velaris in a warm orange glow. Feyre spotted me first through the open window of their shared home and waved at me to come in. Rhys was just a few feet behind her, holding baby Nyx close to his chest. They looked so happy, if not albeit a bit tired due to the still new parenting dynamic. A smile cut its way through my lips at the scene. 

"Y/N, back already?" The High Lady smiled warmly at me. I returned the gesture. 

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to Rhys about something." I said approaching them and placing a kiss atop Nyx's raven hair. I waved the box of sweets in front of Rhysand's nose. "Has Azriel showed up?" 

"No, why?" He asked, snatching the box from my hands with a childish grin and handling the babe to his mate. 

I waved a hand in dismissal. He motioned for me to follow him into his office and out to the open balcony overviewing the river. 

"What 's going on?" 

"Well, we— I didn't found anything that could track back to the missing fae," 

"I sense there's a but somewhere in there.." He said, cocking an eyebrow. 

"But…it felt wrong. There was something strange going on. I'm sorry I don't have any proof to offer you, it was a waste of time." 

He frowned. "It could happen, we weren't certain about it. We'll keep looking, you’re going to catch them." Rhys opened the box, throwing some sweets into his mouth and then offered me some. “You’re not here just for the mission, are you? I’m guessing either this is some kind of bribe or you’re trying to soften the blow.” 

I gave him a half smile, bracing my hands on the railing. His own smile faltered for a moment and concern latched onto his features. “I should brace myself for the blow then,” he commented, resting his back on the railing next to me and searching for my face.

“It’s not that…” I murmured, still not looking directly at him. “You know I love you, right?”

“If you’re going to confess now, please remember my mate is next door” he joked. 

“Ass.” I nudged in the ribs with an elbow. Rhys chuckled to himself. 

“I love you too, idiot. What 's going on?”

I let out a small sigh. How was I supposed to approach the subject? I have never been good with words and there was so much to tell. 

“I mean it, Rhys. You’re my family, you and Feyre, Mor, Cass, Amren…all of you. I’ve never had that, you know? a true family” I glanced at him at last. “I’m sorry if in my excitement I crossed a boundary that I shouldn’t have crossed. I know I’m not your sister, and I will never be her, nor do I intend to occupy her place in your heart. I just… never knew how much I wanted to belong somewhere until I met you guys.”

He frowned deeply. His whole demeanor was serious now. 

“Where is this coming from Y/N? Of course you’re not my sister, she’s been gone for a long time. But you still are my family, you’re my sister in every way that counts except for blood. I don’t understand what my dead sister has to do with anything.”

I shook my head, already regretting my choice of words. 

“You give me way more than what I deserve… I think it’s time for me to really earn my living.”

“Let me see if I understand correctly. You think you don’t deserve your life here, your home, your job, your friends. Because that should’ve belonged to my sister? Who told you that?”

My eyes shut and I breathed deeply through my nose. I didn’t mean to offend him. "I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, but I can't help feeling like I'm living off of you, of your money.” 

“You’re not using my money, you’re using your money. The one you’ve earned by putting your life on the line every single time for us, whenever I asked. You’re not my charity project, you’re my family, and I owe you just as much. So let me ask you again, who put such ideas in your head?” 

“No one Rhys. I had that thought in the back of my mind for a while now and when an opportunity had presented itself I just…I don’t want to be a burden.”

Rhys relaxed his shoulders a bit, and put a hand atop my shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“A couple of months ago Hellion offered me a position in his court and told me to think about it, it is mine if I want it. I could finally have my own place, and I would still visit you here”

“I can’t tell you not to take it if that’s what you really want, what would make you happy. But don’t do it for the wrong reasons. Everything you have here, you’ve earned it. The only thing I’m offering you for free is my friendship, I don’t think you’re a replacement for my sister, you are your own person and we all love you for you. So please, get that ridiculous idea that you’re a burden out of your thick skull.” He pinched my cheek affectionately, my throat felt tight. “ And as for Hellion… think about it thoroughly, at least stay until Solstice, would you do that for me?” 

I nodded, not trusting my voice. His eyes were always so gentle on me, so understanding. 

“Alright.” I mused. 

Soft knocks sounded from behind us and Feyre poked her head through the half-open door. “Sorry to interrupt you guys but Azriel is here, says it's urgent.” 

Rhys cut a glance at me as if to make sure I was fine before he let the Shadowsinger in. I knew that Rhys suspected about us, about the mating bond, but I never told him and he never asked. My relationship with Azriel has always been strained and Rhysand could absolutely tell it was hurting me, but as long as I wouldn’t bring it up he’d stay out of it. And I appreciated that.

Feyre nodded behind her and fully opened the door to let the Shadowsinger inside. His posture was rigid, wings tucked tight as his eyes fell upon me. “You were right.” He uttered. “I found something back in Spring.”    

I willed my face into neutrality, there was no way in Hell I would let him see how much his words had affected me. “What is it?”

"I found a caravan of females of different ages set to be transported through the river. I broke them free but there was no sign of their captors, however I think there’s something you should see.” Azriel’s face was stoic as ever, revealing nothing about the mission nor our previous conflict. 

I turned to Rhysand once more, “We should go check on them, but Rhys we can’t leave them there. They will strike again, I’m sure of it, and we can’t count on Tamlin either. No one has heard a word of him in months.” 

“We can’t exactly bring an entire court to The Shelter Y/N, those females, they have families. Despite Tamlin being missing, there are still rules and accords with the other courts. It won’t look good. The other High Lords won’t look the other way if we just trespass the borders and start to bring people into our court or if we leave sentinels in there, they will take it as an act of defiance, of me trying to expand these lands and my rule on them.” He had an apologetic look on his face, ever the wise High Lord considering every possible outcome. 

I knew he was right and I would not get mad at him. Still, it frustrated me to no end. 

I chewed on my bottom lip trying to come up with a solution, at least until we found the slavers. 

“What if I talked to Eris?” I offered. “Maybe we could station a small patrol near the border with Autumn under his discretion, maybe he could put some of his own sentinels on guard duty.” 

Azriel snorted. “You trust Eris?”

“It is better than nothing Azriel, what do you propose?” I asked, eyebrows high and tone bitter. 

The Shadowsinger opened his mouth to reply but Rhys's voice cut him off before we got engaged in another fight yet again. "Let me deal with Eris. You go talk to them, learn whatever you can about what happened to them and report back. You two are stuck there until I sort it out with Eris. Lay low, no one can know of your presence other than the survivors. Be extremely careful." 

We both nodded our agreement, not daring another word.  I moved past Azriel to the door and he followed closely behind. I could feel his body heat almost enveloping me, he was way too close to be casual. 

"If you're worried about what I told Rhysand, I left your name out of it. I took full responsibility for it.” 

“Why?” He side-glanced at me. I shrugged. 

“Because I’m tired of explaining myself. If you want to get into an argument with me then go ahead, I won’t bother with it. You can go tell him whatever you please.”

I couldn’t be bothered to try and hide the tiredness of my body and mind out of my face. Two whole centuries of this, insulting each other, hurting each other, it was enough. I’ll handle anything he decides to throw at me but I’m done fighting back. 

Azriel, to my surprise, didn’t say anything as we walked into the open night. 

The night sky had already settled around the city, covering it with its black and dark blue mantle of flickering stars. In my two hundred years of life I had never encountered a more beautiful sight than the one Velaris offered. The Day Court surely will be a huge change, away from everything, from my family and friends, from my favorite cafés and galleries, from the whisper of the quiet darkness that had accompanied me my whole life. 

I tore my eyes away from it, ready to winnow; I could feel Azriel’s stare fixed on my face.

“I’ll fly us there.” He offered so low it could have been dragged away with the wind. 

“There’s no need for that.” 

“You’re tired. Better save some energy, just in case.”    

I turned to face him, eyebrows furrowed, and could have mistaken the look on his eyes for concern if I didn’t know him any better. “What did you find there, Azriel?”

Hazel orbs moved to my left wrist, swift, smooth; I wrapped my hand around it almost unconsciously, and brought my arm to my chest, hiding it from his view. 

“The females in the caravan, they have the same mark you have on your skin.” 

The small crow that had been burned and scarred onto my wrist, branded. My back went rigid. It couldn’t be who I was thinking, that monster died that horrible night two centuries ago. It had to be an imitator, some kind of joke. 

The shadowsinger placed a tentative hand on my elbow and brought me out of my own head. I yanked it back from his touch. “Let's go, I want to see it.” Was my only reply. 

—----------------------------------------------------------

Azriel. 

Your whole demeanor had changed the moment he brought up that hideous mark, a reminder of the haunting past. He didn’t have the full story but given your reaction, and the looks on those fae he had freed, it hadn’t been a personal choice. 

Azriel felt bad for being an asshole to you earlier, but he couldn’t bring himself to utter an apology. He hadn’t always been like this, but it was already too late to take it back. You irritated him to no end, the way your scent would flow up his nose and never leave him, day and night it would invade his senses, clouding his mind with that unique water lilies and lemon zest smell of yours. And that big full mouth? always ready to retort to him. Nobody had ever possessed such an innate ability to get under his skin as easily as you did. It made him so mad he could tear at his own hair in frustration. 

Still, deep down, Azriel knew that most of his anger wasn't of your doing, not on purpose at least. He would find the tiniest of excuses to keep you out and away from him, not being ready to face the full truth as to why you affected him so much. You always did. It was easier to just dislike you. 

But in those extremely rare moments when you would let a sliver of a true emotion show around him, his resolve trembled. And the tightness he felt in his chest was much harder to ignore. 

You were silent the whole flight to the Spring Court, something akin to pain haunted your eyes. He didn’t dare speak about it, but something in his stomach twisted at that look. 

For the past hour or so he watched you silently as you talked to the females, inspecting them for injuries aside from the branding, asking them about their captors and being extremely patient with them. A little girl even came up to you, eyelashes wet with tears and begged you to find her mother. Azriel caught the way your face twisted into a grim, even if to the little girl you looked confident enough that you were gonna reunite her with her mother. She had clung to you for the rest of the night until she felt asleep. 

You had a heart, and a kind soul beyond his comprehension, even if he wanted to convince himself that you didn't. It was a lie. He used to tell himself that you were nothing but Hewn City filth, that no one good could ever come out of that place and you would betray them all eventually. Yet there was Mor. And yet, you were here. 

Mor, he hadn't thought about her in a while, not like he used to. He'd like to think the lovely doe-eyed female back home was somehow responsible for it...but he wouldn't dare dig into it much deeper. Somehow his mind always found a way to trick him, bringing thoughts about that other person he couldn't stand. It was not alright to compare. 

Azriel snapped back to reality as you moved to approach him, leaving the little girl under the care of an elderly villager. Even in her slumber, she made grabby hands at your receding figure.

"She seemed kinda reluctant in letting you go." He observed. The barely there ghost of a smile tugged at your lips but it was short lived and maybe, just maybe, he could have imagined it. "I didn't know you had a soft spot for children." 

You sighed softly, tiredly, as you walked beside him to your guarding spot for the night. He did notice the dark circles under your eyes, the way you tried and failed to keep your shoulders from sagging, and was about to offer to just take the guard himself when you spoke. 

"Children are very rare, and precious. It is a blessing to be able to connect with them." Your voice, albeit quiet, was charged with emotion. He thought that was as far as the conversation would go, but you swallowed and after a couple of heartbeats in silence, you spoke again. "I had a little sister once. She reminded me of her."

Maybe it was the rawness and vulnerability of the current situation at hand that had you sharing a little bit with him. Maybe you were so exhausted that you couldn't stop the thoughts from spilling from your lips. Whatever it was, it also compelled him to listen. 

"What happened?" He asked, barely above a whisper. 

You gave him the saddest, tight lip smile he ever saw you wear and something tugged at his very core. "We were born at the wrong place." 

He had judged you wrong, took you up for a cruel, dark creature, never once stopping to think about what you may have endured while you still lived at the Court of Nightmares. Azriel knew it was only a reflection of what he thought of himself. 

He didn’t dare ask about the mark on your wrist, not yet. It felt too personal, and he doubted you would have shared it with him anyways. 

"Listen about earlier..." He started an apology. Voice a little gruff. 

But you cut him out, pinning him with an icy stare, took up the spot on the nearby tree, and didn't talk to him again. 

Tag list: 

@valeridarkness   @hannzoaks   @fall-myriad   @goradgirl   @cmay25 

@feiwelinchen   @katherine-2007  @anniebannanie0315  @cosmic-whispers  @acotarxx

Hope I didn’t forget anyone. Thank you for reading :)

[secretmellowblog]

One thing that’s really fascinating about Thenardier is that he tries to do everything Valjean does— but he’s BAD at it.

Jean Valjean is excellent at false identities. He’s amazing at lying. He’s apparently very skilled at forging documents. He’s an insanely good actor.

And Thenardier wants to be like that. Like Valjean, Thenardier attempts to create new false identities. He pretends to be different people as he sends letters/19th century email scams to wealthy philanthropists….but his lies are painfully obvious every time. When Valjean arrives in Thenardier’s rooms, his acting is so obnoxiously over-the-top it would not be convincing to anyone. He’s just lucky that Valjean is not the kind of person who cares if he’s lying.

Valjean is able to maintain so many false identities for so many years, and remember so many fake names, even under constant paranoia and surveillance— Thenardier can’t even maintain a false identity for five minutes.

Then, bending down to the ear of his eldest daughter, while the two visitors were engaged in examining this lamentable interior, he added in a low and rapid voice:—

“(…)By the way, how was the letter to that old blockhead signed?”

“Fabantou,” replied the girl.

On top of Valjean being an expert liar, he also has many of the skills Thenardier fails at— he has real strength and dexterity, he’s cunning and clever; he’s good at understanding and reading people, and manipulating them subtly; he’s good at running a business and budgeting money (as shown by his factory); he’s an escape artist; and he has an uncanny ability to thwart/outwit the police (even Javert!)

These are all things Thenardier desperately wishes he was, and yet he isn’t.

You get the impression that next to Jean Valjean —who has learned everything he knows about survival and crime by living through nineteen years of prolonged torture in the galleys— Thenardier is always going to be a bit of an amateur.

[secretmellowart]

Happy 24/6/01 day/day of General Lamarque’s death! Here are various drawings of Unbearably Sad Beast Jean Valjean. Happy gay pride to this grief-stricken creature

[inmarbleimmobility]

hey did you guys know you can get free crying whenever you want! all you have to do is think about jean valjean

[jazzyjuno]

Can you your favorite les mis character ?

of course, the unbearably sad beast

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

my long ass avery rant that might not make sense but i love her and needed to make this.

a huge rant about my love for avery (i swear im not hating on anyone (except for avery haters... sort of. i respect your opinion but...)) i think the end of my rant makes more sense than the beginning...

IVE MADE A POST ABOUT THIS BUT ILL SAY IT AGAIN. STOP OVERLOOKING AVERY'S TRAUMA. SHE IS SO UNDERRATED AND SUCH A COMPLEX CHARACTER AND I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE IGNORING HER. PEOPLE IN THIS FANDOM BARELY POST ABOUT HER AND IT'S UNBEARABLE (LIKE NO HATE CAUSE I LOVE ALL THE LYRA POSTS BUT HOW ARE PEOPLE POSTING MORE ABOUT A CHARACTER NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT AND NOT AVERY??? LIKE I SAID NOT HATE, I EAT THE LYRA POSTS UP).

she's literally the best character in the series. the brothers don't even come close to her. people who are mad at her for not picking grayson can actually just shove it up their ass bc gray and avery would've never worked out in the long run. avery is a queen and i see people hating on her for so many stupid reasons. not picking gray? giving away the money? being an emily 2.0????????????????????????????? don't even dare compare my queen, my love, my everything to that wretched beast who is now rotting in a coffin underground. some people making reviews on goodreads seriously need to get a life and touch some grass.

as im rereading the main trilogy, i'm writing down quotes from avery so i can make an in depth analysis of her character. it might suck and it will definitely be multiple parts but if no one is gonna acknowledge her trauma, i will. i'm sick and tired of people constantly ranting about grayson and other characters when avery is literally the main character. none of this series would exist if it weren't for avery. the fact that some people are willing to defend their favorite characters when they hurt avery is so so sad to me. like, i love jameson with my entire heart, but treating avery like a puzzle and messing with her self esteem was not cool of him. same goes for grayson and him treating avery like a shitty gold digger who 'hasn't struggled like he has'

i've made posts about this before but i feel the need to make another one. i've seen people defend grayson for treating avery like shit in the first book (some people do it as a joke which is fine but some people are actually serious and it confuses me??). i get that grayson was mad and disappointed that his grand father disinherited him after a lifetime of being told he was going to inherit. his feelings were 100% valid. did he have the right to take it out on avery though? no. not at all. this girl is even more confused that he is and has been nothing but kind to him. him invalidating her feelings and treating her like crap is just so shitty of him. don't get me wrong. he has redeemed himself and i do love him, but seeing people defending him (in a serious way) just gets on my nerves. would you like to be treated the way avery was in tig? i think not.

i'm not as mad about jameson bc 1. he apologized on 'screen' and 2. i don't see people defending him as much as grayson (i don't think i've ever seen a post defending him which is good). i love him too, and what he did was also horrible. i better not ever see a post defending him. his actions are explainable but that doesn't justify them. he really messed with avery's self-esteem, so much as to make her doubt his feelings towards her. the only reason i'm not as mad as with the grayson situation is bc i don't see people defending him as passionately (if at all).

i see this happen in so many fandoms. people gush over the male love interest or the male main character and completely ignore the fmc. the only fandom i don't see this happening in is the folk of the air fandom. jude is getting the attention she deserves which makes me so happy. people willingly ignore what the fmc goes through at the hands of their favorite male character just bc they love them and that is just so absurd to me.

anyways, avery has been through so much fucking trauma it would take me hours to go through it all. she grew up with almost no one by her side, learning how to take care of/protect herself, lost her mother at 15, her best friend moved away a few years before her mom died, her father treated her like dog shit and completely ignore her for her entire life until she inherited the money, she lived in her car, worked her ass off at school and at work to simply keep herself alive, had to deal with drake (although she wasn't his girlfriend, he clearly affected her if she was willing to move into her car bc of him), was almost killed by drake (and, indirectly, skye), sheffield, and eve (and kidnapped by sheffield), it was mentioned in tfg (i believe) that there were other attempts on her life in between thl and tfg, dealt with people constantly belittling her trauma (and her) and saying horrible things about her, she deals with horrible panic attacks after everything she's been through, also deals with crappy self esteem (that was made worse by some of the hawthornes), her privacy was constantly invaded, and, this one is more subtle, but there are instances where she thinks (or does) self harm (like the scene in thl where she's purposefully trying to hurt herself by punching the brick wall blocking off toby's wing. both oren and jameson had to step in to help her). all of these things clearly affected her but barely anyone talks about it? i'm probably missing some things but i just wish she got more attention. she is one of the most forgiving (literally too forgiving. she's willing to forgive people so easily bc she wants to be wanted (but doesn't want to want to be wanted) and have friends)

this girl is much stronger than anyone gives her credit for (the hawthornes would never survive in the 'asylum where they raised her' (whos afraid of little old me by taylor is definitely her song)). this rant is probably all over the place and is really long (but definitely won't be the last). thank you for attending my ted talk.

[byeuijoo]

always cared 𐀔 byun euijoo

genre : fantasy, angst, a little bit of fluff, love&deepspace au, co-workers au ⋆ warnings : blood, injuries, swearing, death subject, passing out, hospital ⋆ word count : 2,221

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« i can't believe you're that stupid, » with hands dripping with blood and eyes full of worry, euijoo tried as best he could to stop the emoragy of your wound, which was far too important to be ignored, « are you sure you're capable of thinking sometimes? »

rolling your eyes and squinting at the pain, you sighed loudly, glancing at the boy in front of you. « i didn't have a choice ! » you simply defended yourself, far too preoccupied by the amount of blood you'd lost this time to have the faith to argue with the dark-haired man once more.

faced with your unconsciousness, he raised his eyes to yours with a glare filled with accusation. he didn't know what had gone through your mind to want to confront these wild beasts, these wanderers, all by yourself without waiting for him to arrive. even though he knew you were good at your job as a deepspace hunter, he couldn't help but think you were completely stupid to think you could beat them on your own. « you should have waited for me to arrive. » he answered, calmly but firmly, pressing a little more on the wound, noting that despite the pressure of his fingers, the blood wouldn't stop flowing.

« and what was i supposed to do, ej? sit back and watch those wanderers attacks the civilians around and do nothing? » you declared, your voice a little too provocative. despite your desire to remain calm, his somewhat superior behavior was enough to send you over the edge.

« you could have been killed, y/n ! » he shouted suddenly, raising his eyes once and for all to yours, « do you realize that? » — holding his gaze without flinching, despite the unbearable pain in your abdomen, you frowned and shouted back, « since when do you care about me anyway? you barely speak to me except when it's to yell at me ! » with a slight pout in your voice, but a very visible annoyance, you looked away to stare out the window, ignoring the long sigh of exasperation leaving euijoo's lips.

after weeks of being partner and teammate with the best element of the brigade, you, in all honesty, spent very little time in the company of the young boy. who, by the way, never spoke to you in the office but took great pleasure in arguing with you at every possible opportunity. it wasn't as if you hadn't tried to get closer to him so you could be a better team : you've already tried to at least have lunch with him, to get to know him better, to strengthen your complicity, and make your team stronger.. but none of your attempts had worked.

« being your partner is a real pain in the ass. » he declared suddenly, taking off his jacket and placing it against your gushing wound, obviously annoyed at having to take care of you again. you could understand that you weren't the easiest person to work with : often fearless and headlong, you had already been injured many times due to your hasty decisions, even though they were always necessary. after all, sad as it may seem, death doesn't scare you. you have no one waiting for you at home, no one to tell you that they'll miss you if you leave — all you have left is your work and the chance to save people. so if you have to die to save innocent beings, you'll do it without hesitation.

and that's why euijoo's reflection exasperated you so much — he only had to change partners if it bothered him so much to be yours. « fuck you ej. » you shouted, violently pushing his hands away from your wound. the boy looked up at you, cold eyes boring into yours, and just as you were about to make an umpteenth remark, nicholas' voice came from the driver's seat, visibly exasperated. « i beg you both to be quiet while i try to drive fast but carefully, » euijoo looked away from your eyes to observe his best friend with a desolate expression, « because with you two screaming in the back, it's really not easy. » he finally added, hands firmly gripped on the wheel and eyes focused on the road.

« i'm sorry nico, » he apologized to the other boy, and the feeling that his voice was much lower than usual suddenly struck you, « how long until we get to the hospital? »

as he finished his sentence, in a muffled sigh that struggled to reach your ringing ears, the world around you began to spin. their conversation seemed so distant, as if you were miles away from your team-mates, and not actually in the same car — and quickly, panic set in. as if you had imagined their words, everything seemed to blur around you, it was like the world were melting under the all-too-powerful sun. frightened by the fact that you couldn't breathe, your trembling hand found your partner's forearm with difficulty, brushing against his skin with what little strength you had left, his name rolling off your tongue in a barely audible breath.

in a sudden movement that made you turn away, euijoo's panicked face swiveled towards yours, his brown eyes opening like marbles. his hands, covered in your blood, settled on your cheeks, gently shaking your face to bring you back to your senses in a desperate move. you thought you saw him shouting your name — his lips moving in exactly the same way for long, long seconds without you being able to hear a single sound, while his cold, long fingers gripped your skin as if you were going to die at any moment.

and, finally, the last thing you remember is his face so close to yours that his breath brushed your skin, before being greeted by a complete blackness.

you've never given much thought to what life might be like after death. was it like in the legends? good people end up in the clouds of heaven and bad people in the depths of hell? or perhaps we were simply becoming yet another star in the sky? you definitely preferred this hypothesis. what could be better than visiting space and the universe as a pretty star filled with light? maybe it was your destiny after all. that last hasty decision cost you your life.. but wait — why do you suddenly hear such a familiar yet distant voice?

with difficulty, and with all the strength still in your muscles, you manage to open one of your eyes, a blinding light blurring your vision. « she's awake ! » this sentence, tossed from the corner of the room, came from none other than nicholas' mouth. opening your second eye, the light above you was suddenly obscured by a brown head, euijoo's half-smiling, half-worried face entering your field of vision. your gaze shifted from one of his eyes to the other, tilting your head slightly to the side. « am i dead? » you asked, your mouth dry and pasty, cutting a stifled laugh from the boy in front of you. euijoo shook his head negatively, placing his fingers gently against your left cheek. his touch was real : you could feel the softness of his skin and the coolness of his fingers against your cheekbone. « no.. no you're not dead. you're back with us. with me.. » his voice lowered as he said his last words, creating a gentle warmth in your heart.

euijoo smiled slightly, his heart probably lighter now that you had opened your eyes. he struggled to his feet and turned on his heels, warning you both that he was going to fetch a doctor. as the door to your hospital room closed behind his silhouette, you gently straightened up, aided by the kind hand of nicholas who had approached you. « how long was i asleep? » you asked him nonchalantly, unscrewing the bottle of water he was handing you, before taking two or three gulps. not expecting a response more than four or five hours, the water in your mouth was as surprised as you were to hear that you'd been in that bed for nearly four days.

« four days?! » you shouted, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, ignoring the napkin in nicholas' hands. the latter rolled his eyes and nodded, crossing his arms against his chest as he suddenly stared at the bedroom door, « and he hasn't left you for a second. »

frowning, you looked away from your water bottle to look back at the door. « mh? » a pensive pout formed on your lips, « he didn't come home to sleep? » you asked, your fingers curling into the edge of the hospital gown you were wearing, trying to ignore the bandage scratching your skin. « nope. he slept next to you every night, on this chair. » looking away from the door in the direction indicated by nicholas' index finger, your pupils settled on a blue wooden chair, which seemed far too uncomfortable to rest on properly. « what an idiot.. » you whispered, when the sound of the door suddenly opening caught your attention, and the following second, euijoo's tired face met your eyes. you felt guilty.

after many long minutes, similar to hours, alone with the doctor who wanted to observe you closely after this mission, all you remembered was that you needed a lot of rest to recover from that wound that could have cost you your life. not being able to do anything was bad enough, but not being able to do anything AND staying in that hospital room was even worse. puffing up your cheeks like a child while crossing your arms against your chest, you turned your head towards the window to ignore the doctor's warnings, the latter sighing in exasperation at your behavior, but making no comment. when the door opened to signal his departure, you glanced around briefly to make sure the room was empty — but you were greeted by another young man.

euijoo approached you, placing a few snacks on your bedside table, before standing by your bed. chewing your lower lip, you looked up at him, opening your mouth, ready to speak — but he was quicker. « i'm sorry, » he started, playing nervously with his long fingers, looking everywhere but at you, « i should never have spoken to you like that. »

with a small smile after his apology, you slipped your hand over his, pulling on two of his fingers to draw his body against yours. resting your chin on his shoulder, your arms now around his waist, you felt euijoo's body tense under the sudden closeness — the truth has to be told, you've never had an altercation like this since you've known each other. « i'm sorry euijoo, » you whispered, hiding your ashamed face in the collar of his jacket, « to have worried you, to have stained your jacket, and to have used your time, once again. i'm so sorry. »

the boy's body finally relaxed, and the next second his arms were around you, giving you his warmth. « i always cared. » he whispered suddenly, your heart missing a beat in your chest after this confession. it was unexpected, but so comforting to hear such words. no one in your life has ever said such things to you — it was a first, and it was the most special first time in the world for you. tightening your arms around him, euijoo tenderly stroked your back with his fingertips, and even if the hug didn't last long, it was just long enough for you to find the comfort you needed to forget the wave of fear that had consumed you that evening. you sure weren't afraid of dying, but you might still want to live for a long time, after all.

euijoo moved the chair closer to your bed, placing himself at your side, his cold hands resting on your mattress, with his delicate pianist fingers innocently brushing yours as you watched him without saying a word. questioning you with his big brown eyes, he ends up asking you, « what? there's something wrong with my face? » — without hesitation, you nodded positively, « you look terrible. »

a crystalline laugh escaped his lips, trying to camouflage the red that painted the tips of his ears at the same time. raising one of your hands, you placed your palm against his cheek, and he didn't wait a second longer to close his eyes and enjoy the gentle warmth of your fingers. « you should sleep. » you suggested, watching him gently rub his cheek against the palm of your hand, like a little cat looking for comforting warmth to feel safe and secure.

and before he knew it, euijoo fell asleep against you, his head resting delicately on your thighs and your fingers swirling in his hair. « thank you for everything, byun euijoo. » you whispered, tracing the contours of his face with a smile, the silence of the room lulled by his peaceful breathing.

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reblogs & feedbacks are highly appreciated !

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