#unfortunately i am quite literally a hermit

[fullofcake]

I wish that someone was in love with me or that I was in a relationship but that requires social interaction and I quite frankly barely leave my room so...

[ftm-radio]

Hello! Here are some fun facts about me!

I am...

quite pale

permanently tired-looking with shadowy circles under my eyes

naturally very protective of and reluctant to part with my blood (nurses HATE him)

sensitive to bright light

unfortunately rather hairless

liable to use unnecessarily formal/stilted language at the drop of a hat

fairly nocturnal

a hermit

currently obsessed with victorian aesthetics (for writing purposes, but still)

literally allergic to sunlight, I think???

and I have to say, it is horribly cruel of the universe to make me so vampire-coded when it is my god-given, transgender right to be a goddamn werewolf.

[lanaevyssmoved]

i dont think ive seen any of ur pcs other than afhiri (who i adore) basically i am here to say if u want share pics and some facts abt ur other pcs!! :D

this is rue she is my durge and her playthrough got murdered by durge related bugs that i didnt wanna deal with and would rather wait for them to fix the cutscenes <3 also known as rue the impaler shes a wild magic sorcerer who got fed up of being one shot and became a tank with a barbarian multiclass <3 afhiri is a resist durge who i can explain best as those uncomfortable and uneasy to be around strange emo girls who stare into ur soul with lifeless eyes. shes pretty... but shes weird

my oc dru kind of got cannibalised by rue but still exists.. cuz dru's intended path literally doesn't work because i made her before i finished the game and the ending doesn't allow her to exist and it would have to be rewritten by me so much that i just don't have the energy so dru just lives in my lil au "what i wish the ending allowed" space in my brain <3 i'm not gonna share a picture because this also allows me to have her exist outside of the games limitations so no picture <3 she's so much cooler than the cc allows <3 dru is a high elf who is delusional and thinks shes actually a fey eladrin and is very uncomfortable to be around because shes just insane. completely isolated from society and the world and would have the hermit background if they didnt remove it .. larian literally didnt want her to exist.

unfortunately due to my pc death i no longer have asuras cc stuff so she will need to be remade but... this is asura shes literally terrible. shes my unfortunately extremely power hungry character who will accept every single option to make her stronger. she fucks mindflayers. and minthara. and she and minthara will rule the entire world together as tyrant wives and maybe they ascend. true love stuff. asura won't live until i'm confident minthara isn't a broken fucking mess . i think playing asura will make me worse. shes like how people play bhaalist durges who love their daddy but shes not the durge. shes just a bad person

THIS IS TAV. yeah his name is tav. they're just a tav man idk. this is my first character from full release tav is an ancients paladin whose entire vibe is "you don't quite suite your oath" and that's fun. they are the most lawful good boring ass motherfucker you ever met and literally my favourite type of character. he's all about Justice and Order and Goodness and Sacrificing Your Happiness For The Greater Good. that kind of annoying paladin! <3 tav never got to finish the game because my pc died and killed them. oh and tav has a twin who dedicated their life to annoying tav because .. like. lawful good paladin? DESERVES to be annoyed

which is really funny because the twin is my EA character! also tav! see the thing is. paladin tav is actually tav. but this monster? tav isn't their name. but they go by tav. just so they can hopefully fuck with their twins reputation. doing terrible things in their lawful good twins name!!! i still can't decide if i want twin tav to work with the guide and kiss nine-fingers keenne or work with the zhentharim and kiss rugan. or maybe they're a double agent and kiss both. idk!!! twin tav has literally no moral compass and just does shit for money mostly. and to make their twins life hell <3

and lastly i have this dude who doesn't have a place on my oc page because he doesn't have a name or nothing like. he's completely blank beyond i KNOW he's something to do with afhiri. so fun fact afhiri's lore was leading towards this dude being some sort of outer planes entity, either a god (dead star) or the herald of such, and baited afhiri through a portal as part of her destiny. this is how she gains her wild magic. BUT this was scrapped for what ended up happening (afhiri befriends a chwinga. cuteness ensues). HE STILL EXISTS IN AFHIRIS LORE SOMEWHERE - HE IS LITERALLY A COMPANION IN HER PARTY - when my pc stops crashing every time i play bg3 he's going to be on my blog a lot because im gonna use fancy editing to make him a companion and shove him in cutscenes. afhiri and he will kiss btw. i definitely don't want him to be actually a tiefling though this is just a form he uses to walk faerun and not to cause any ruckus... and to make afhiri feel ease around him <3 ALSO HES NOT ACTUALLY AFHIRIS GUARDIAN... u will see who is when my pc stops dying <3

[blindrapture]

progress:

besides sunsetters, I also have Coestts as my other music project, this one primarily my solo work. none of their albums are ready yet, though there's a surprising amount of material in place, something from at least four different albums.

if I play my cards right I might get to overwhelm you guys with another double release. two albums at once, their first and their.... last? admittedly I'm not all that sure where the glitch album fits, besides that it comes at some point after their first three albums. the lore is something I have yet to take seriously for coestts, and I think I'm at the part now where I can start doing so.

but so. progress.

album 1, Reinventing the Wheel. possibly eight songs planned, five of them are in more or less finished states. no album art has been figured out yet. and album ???, the glitch album. possibly eleven songs planned, six of them are basically finished and many of the rest are not far off. album art has been figured out for a long time now, I had meant to release this album last year but didn't have it ready.

one of these might release first for all I know. and whichever one that will be, that's literally going to be my first solo album. an artist needs a solo album, right? well I'm gonna have one. I'm gonna have quite a few of them by the time all is said and done, but soon I'll have one! or two at once, that would be fun if I somehow get them both ready together.

not the King Real album, unfortunately. that is coestts, that'll be their second album, if not necessarily my second album. Reinventing the Wheel is the Sounds of March album, the Crawl album, the Hermit album. and glitch album is the Gothic Egg album. :3 ("I thought that was Sunsetters!" yeah the lore has been in flux a bit! did have a good narrative for it before, had to change it, don't know quite how much. but like, even if it was a sunsetters album, it was never going to be a sunsetters album. it is an album released without explanation, falsely marketed, enigmatically produced, hiding a dark tragedy. it still is, only coestts are involved now.)

and yes, my ultimate goal is still something along the lines of "trick you into falling in love with midi." midi is my art, and I am always careful with my art. I will forge a space for myself in this world that refused to prepare for that. and I am much more patient than the world.

my art, coestts included, will always be there, just waiting for the hypothetical You to stumble upon it.

stay tuned, as ever.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello ! This is pukey Saeyoung anon.

I’m comin off anon bc honestly that shit is too much work. Pretty sure being sick this long has fried any last sense of inhibition or shame in my brain and I think everyone deserves to know how much I love Saeyoung smh. The extent to which that is my Mans. I will publicly gush if I so please. 😤😤

Plus! I’m pleased to report that I haven’t actually thrown up in about two weeks! So like. Hashtag recovery life I guess. 💀

But that’s what I came here to update you about. :’D

I feel like I kinda left you with a cliffhanger there with the whole bone cancer thing. (If it makes you feel any better, the hospital did too 👁👄👁)

November was very much,,, a terrible horrible no good very bad type of month. I spent nearly two weeks waiting for them to get back to me about my dumb bone marrow autopsy only for them to cancel my appointment last minute. And in the meantime I was just getting sicker and sicker… I ended up in and out of the hospital again a couple times,, but by the third time I was scared to go back bc the second time I went they didn’t even admit me overnight. They basically just charged me $700 to take a four hour nap. And cha boy doesn’t have that kinda money. 😭

But it got to the point that I really physically couldn’t take it anymore… I have never been in so much pain and discomfort in my entire life. Which unfortunately with the life I’ve had,, that’s a high ass bar lmao.

And it was just CONSTANT… I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t look at any screens. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stand. I was literally too weak to even pull a blanket up over myself. I literally was spending every night sobbing/shivering/barfing myself to sleep. It was baaaaaaad.

Luckily my roommate at this point had probably started to get annoyed by hearing me crying from pain all night and was like “dude I’m taking you to the hospital again”

And my third hospital visit !! They FINALLY gave me an answer as to wtf is going on!

Good news is…? Not bone cancer. I don’t have to enter my Deadpool era Quite yet.

Bad news…? Apparently I’ve got fuckin Lupus 🤡

Which is super cute and fun because,, you know. Incurable lifelong chronic illness. I’m literally gonna be dealing with this shit for the rest of my life. :)

But like. It’s a perfectly livable disease. As long as it’s, you know. Actually being taken care of and treated. Which I now have enough info to actually do haha.

(Hit the self-loathing so hard that even my own fuckin immune system was like, oh shit we gotta take this bitch DOWN 💀)

I’m soooo glad to be home and back from the hospital… but it’s been very strange too. I’m still really sick and I can’t really do much on my own and,,, my brain physically doesn’t know how to process being like,, taken care of. Honestly it kinda sets off alarm bells in my brain 😳 but I’ve had to accept pretty damn quickly that,, I don’t really have a choice rn. I’m so used to just being on my own pushing through all my pain and just. Waiting till it goes away on its own. But if I do that in this case… the pain will just get worse and my body will quite literally shut down on me and I will literally die. Sooooo like,,,, 🤡 I guess maybe I can stand to be taken care of for at least a little while.

Doc says with all the damage that’s been done to my organs and stuff this past year, they caught it early enough that the damage is reversible. But I need to undergo a really strict recovery treatment,, and they estimate it’ll be at least 18 months before I’m able to get back to my ~normal healthy baseline~. Which is insane… like am I really gonna be out here living like a sickly hermit for a damn year and a half?? I’m gonna keep feeling better, I know. And I’ll slowly be able to do more again. But I can’t go back to my job. It was causing me waaay too much physical and mental strain. :( so that’s gonna be fun to figure out.

They also put me on literally 12 new medications when I left the hospital to help control my symptoms. Each of which I have to take 1-3 times a day. So that’s super exciting. Love a big bowl of pills for breakfast every morning.

It was torture at first because I hate swallowing pills. But it’s been about a week and I’m honestly getting used to it already. And better yet? Even after only a week… they’re noticeably helping my symptoms… and I’m actually starting to be able to do things again… I *almost* feel like, 60% of a normal human person again,,, maybe even 65%! I’m slowly starting to regain my appetite finally… and I can do little things again… like play the new Pokémon game, or watch anime, or draw, or call a friend on the phone. Which… god what a relief 😭 words cannot describe how good it feels to be able to do those things again… frankly,, it was traumatic having to spend the last few months watching my body physically deteriorate in real time… so now that I’m starting to feel like myself again, if only a little. I’m like. Hey?? I actually love myself so much???? I think I’m a pretty cool fun interesting person. Thank GOD I’m making a comeback 😭😭

Saeyoung of course has been a great source of comfort for me throughout all of this… he always is one of my biggest sources of comfort in life… literally even just imagining him being in the same room as me is enough to put me more at ease…

When things were at their worst a big part of how I dealt with shit was vividly daydreaming about making up silly stories with Saeyoung to distract me. This is something I’ve done for years when I’m too upset or stressed to sleep,,, it’s been a reliable source of comfort for me for a hot minute. But it’s never gotten to this extent haha.

We have a whole ass story going,, I’m actually starting to get pretty attached to the story and the characters… which is stupid AF because it’s literally just. Me and Saeyoung Choi as fantasy self-inserts wherein he’s a court jester and I’m a knight and we’re going on a quest to ~find a cure for my mysterious illness~

But a part of me is like 🥺🤔 what if I actually wrote the story tho? Lmaoooo

Amongst other coping mechanisms and distractions,,, I’ve also been falling HARD into my online shopping addiction. But also, idk, can you blame me…? I’m a material gowrl at heart and I haven’t been able to go shopping in person for months 😔😔 I need little treats to get me through the day.

Mostly I’ve been spending an UNGODLY amount of money on plushies. Like… idk if I could count them and I don’t even wanna THINK about the prices fhdhdjd-

Mostly Pokémon and Sanrio characters. But a few other random critters as well.

And tbh?? I don’t regret a single purchase. They’ve literally all helped me feel more comfortable and joyful these past couple months, which I’ve really needed. So, even if my bed is starting to look RIDICULOUS from sheer volume of plushies…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m living my best life

A few days ago I got a giant charmander plushy… and like. Ordinarily I’m not even the biggest fan of charmander (shut UP ABOUT CHARIZARD GAMEFREAK. IM OVER IT. GEN 1 IS POPULAR WE GET IT)

But I swear to god this young man is changing my life. It may be the softest squishiest most huggable plush I’ve ever encountered. I’ve been carrying him almost everywhere,,, starting to feel like the “ahh yes. Me, my partner, and their life sized mareep plushy” meme for real 💀💀

((How do you think Saeyoung would feel about me turning our bed into a literal mountain of plushies? Or having to compete for attention with my charmander? Hehe. ))

THERES ONLY ONE MORE THING I WANTED TO SAY…

If you’re actually taking the time to read all of this,,, holy shit thank you. And thank you for providing lonely bitches like me this outlet c’: to be able to talk… and share comfort… and express our deep love for these characters without fear of judgement. It’s really just such a lovely blog and I can never thank you enough.

But the last topic I wanted to touch on!!!

Ugh,,, I read your answer to the ask about Saeyoung with an MC into pastel goth fashion and…

That made me so happy 😭😭❤️❤️

I love fashion,,, so much. Truly one of my greatest joys in life is getting into a really cool fun outfit and strutting around Knowing that I’m cool as fuck and I look like a sexy badass 😤😤 it’s simply the most powerful feeling.

Love when I’m wearing an outfit I know looks fire and I can’t stop smirking haha.

And I just,,, love being flamboyant and silly and having fun with it. I’m 100% the type of person to walk into a store and go “this is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. The colors and patterns are such a mess they’re practically nauseating. I NEED IT.”

I have a collection of tacky button up shirts that could probably blind a man lmao. And JACKETS?? Don’t get me started on jackets. Boots,,, cargo pants,,, earrings,,, big colorful sunglasses. Ugh. <3

Since I’ve been so sick I haven’t been putting much effort into my appearance. My outfits were so joyless for a while… and then, well. I’ve spent the last month and a half wearing exclusively Pajamas and Hospital Gowns 😭

Considering that my main fashion inspirations ordinarily fall somewhere between Elton John, Lil nas x, and Jojo’s bizarre adventure…

Quite the glow down haha

I don’t think I realized fully how much I missed that until I read your ask…

You inspired me to go looking for some fun new clothes online. And now I’m feeling so excited and impatient for them to get here because I can’t remember the last time I got to put together a fun outfit… I actually wanna like,, get up and get dressed for the first time in so long c’: if only to waltz around my apartment a little bit and take a few selfies.

I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get back to my FULL level of glamour,, my inflammation is still pretty bad so my face and body are kinda weird and swollen and lumpy right now 🥴 and again,,, standing and walking are still very much a challenge. Idk if I could wear heels right now haha I’m wobbly enough on my feet already.

But I can’t wait to get back into it…

Like you were saying in that ask too… another part of why I love fashion defs has to do with my gender expression… and I LOVE LOVE LOVE when people bring that up with Saeyoung 😭 it always makes me grin and fills me with so much adoration to think about Sae getting to have fun and experience that euphoria with clothing and fashion as well… and especially the thought of us getting to do it together….? c’:

Literally a concept that is SO important and special to me 😭❤️❤️

Idk what kinda wonky matching outfits we’d be putting together but I know that we would look so fuckin cool and hot 😤😤 and best of all we could have so much fun. Which… tbh, there’s nothing more I could ask for in life.

Plus of course,,, there’s always the added fun of self indulgently getting to imagine Saeyoung admiring and complimenting me on my fashion :’D and like,,, thinking I’m cool or whatever 😭

Anyways! Those are all the things I wanted to say.

If you’re still reading this,, //what’s wrong with you bahaha I’m such a rambly mess

But like. Thank you. And deadass if this is too long to read or respond to feel free to leave it in your inbox or just delete it.

Honestly it was just really nice to be able to type out all these thoughts just to sorta. Get it out and decompress, ya know…? c’:

I hope you have an absolutely beautiful day.

While I am happy to hear that you have a better understanding of what's going on in your life, I'm sorry you're going through this transitional time when you discover that you have chronic illness. That has to be the most difficult time for a lot of people. You have to make a lot of adjustments and make changes that you may not be happy with to make sure that you're taken care of. I empathize and understand this because I deal with multiple chronic illnesses. If you ever need a safe space to vent about it, this is always a safe spot. Whether you want it to be posted or not, you can always scream into the inbox.

I hope you don't beat yourself up over the new limitations and changes that are coming into your life. It'll be hard for a little while to get used to everything. But it'll be okay. I can't promise that it'll be easy in the long run. This journey is a lot different for everybody. I think what helps when you feel lonely and isolated in that regard, is to find comfort in the things that make you happy and if that is this video game, then I'm glad that you have it. It's been there for me through all of my experiences so I'm also grateful for it.

I know what it feels like to be lonely and afraid. Having my blog like this... it’s a place where I’m able to help everyone’s dream. It’s simple, it’s small, but I know even the smallest response of “Yes, your favorite character would do this for you today!” means the world to someone on their worst day. I hope that you’re able to find some spoons to dress up and feel good very soon. It’s hard to find a good day sometimes, but you’ll have soon, I’ll cross my fingers for you.

Imagine that, I mean, imagine Saeyoung gushing over you because you found the energy to get up and show off your new outfit. There’s dazzling sparkles in his eyes as he looks at you. His hands are pressed to his mouth, and he looks like he’s going to keel over in delight. He’s absolutely enamored and in love with the sight of you. “You’re so handsome! I can’t take it! I’m in the presence of the best lover! I think I’m the luckiest boyfriend in the world!” Cue him pretending to faint before you ask him if he’s getting dressed, too.

That’s when he springs back up: “Wait, wait, wait, I’ve got the perfect dress that’ll match this. I’ll even let you pick my hair style for the day!”

[dex-starr]

Fuck I need some kind of dopamine rush

Like… I’m starting to realize that gaming how I gamed wasn’t exactly fulfilling that niche it was just busy time that my brain didn’t need to do stuff or think. But like what I’m having trouble thinking of is what did I enjoy?

Like did I enjoy spending time with you or was that me just seeking a dopamine rush from company. Your words on that fucked me up in hindsight even though I’m sure that my feelings for you are a completely separate category.

Did I enjoy sex? I mean for fucks sake we spend lord knows how many hours having sex and I don’t even care for that as much as you do. Shit dude my brain couldn’t even focus during it!

So what did I enjoy what do I enjoy????

Do I enjoy trying to play music? Then why haven’t I tried learning a new song in a while????

Do I enjoy listening to music??? Then why haven’t I gone off the deep end in exploring that like I used to before I was with you???? What do I enjoyyyyy?

Do I enjoy eating food as much as I said I do? Did I enjoy eating your cooking as much as I said I did?

What did I enjoy? I think I did. But what can I enjoy now? Am I in need of constant company? …I don’t think I am…. Do I need constant attention? Do I need to have you looking at me so I don’t either away — did I enjoy your compliments even if there’s the off chance they were not 100% sincere? What do I want from life?

If I try to imagine this does anything come to mind now. Let’s say I imagine myself with someone else who has shown interest in my existence… is it working is there something feasible in my brain?

Do I connect with people on an emotional level anymore? Or am I an open book that is now unable to actually feel intimacy? I have so many questions. Therapy can’t answer them unfortunately for me! My brain tries to trick me sometimes now so I don’t listen to that.

I know I’m being my genuine self but why don’t I feel that connection to anyone anymore? Did I really have it due because of the actions you took? This is super confusing stuff to me. I feel like a foreign being in a familiar shell. A literal hermit crab who has transferred their life into something g strange yet familiar but can’t quite make it feel right.

I’m not putting a barrier around my heart like I used it because what for. I will get hurt anyway, I let you in. I put you at a distance. The result was the same. I have so many questions for myself but I can’t answer them. I can’t sleep.

I’m not feeling down about it!!! I just want to know. I want to know what I want to get out of this life, I don’t even know if I know how to do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I were to have ever spoken to this about you I would’ve actually yelled for one of the few times in my life, I would’ve actually screamed this so loudly that it would have terrified you. Because I only knew that I wanted to be together, I wanted to potentially marry you on whatever way you felt comfortable. And I wanted to afford a house even if you were just stay-at-home or working from home. I can say undeniably that was my plan and desire but what else other than that?

It’s bugged me because I did all this schooling — all this living. All this struggling…. To not really know what else I want. It doesn’t make me sad but it definitely makes me go “aw shit dude what the fuck”

Maybe it’s my life’s purpose to find that out, maybe I’ll find something I feel even remotely as passionate about as I was passionate for you Lindsey, who the fuck knows? I certainly don’t know shit and I accept that!

I only know that I’ve spent so long avoiding things and avoiding the topics in front of me because of being biologically predisposed to all of this bad times with mental health that functioning like a normal person is definitely not in my bag of tricks — the appearance of it though? Heck yeah I can pull THAT off at least. Enough to get by.

This rant was everywhere and it went nowhere at the same time. I’m back at the start, but at least it’s a new course compared to the last few decades. At least there’s one thing that’s different and that’s my comfort with me and what I lack — but more importantly. What I have. I have things that make me into that person you said I was but most importantly I believe I am that because I have proven it to MYSELF.

Alright I need to shut myself up now see ya

[thechekhov]

Do u have any tips for preventing people on internet from considering you their friends just because u listen to them and enjoy talking about the same subjects? I can't get online on a game without a person talking to me whenever I enter the game. I told him neither of we should trust the other one because we don't know each other. I literally said that friendships take time and work and the people need to know the other one and that he has no idea of who or what I am, but he's still close to me

I honestly don't have a ton of tips, but I understand how you feel because uncomfortable over-familiarity and parasocial relationships are 99% of the reasons I typically act like a hermit crab online.

Unfortunately, if a person is isolated and lonely and is desperately in need of friends, they will latch on to pretty much anything that fills that need, kind of like a hungry person will automatically seek out food. So although it seems annoying, there's a good chance the person who keeps talking to you means well and is legitimately just trying to connect - albeit in a way that is not quite comfortable for you. There's a good chance they don't realize how their actions may be misread as awkward or pushy.

HOWEVER.

You are 100% right - in an online setting, you really DON'T know who anyone really is.

You can't truly know someone just from playing a few online games together - and pushing those boundaries needs to be a mutually agreed upon thing, not just someone going "WE'RE FRIENDS NOW =)". That's not really how friendships work.

My only advice is to set boundaries without being mean. You don't have to outright be rude, but it's completely within your right to tell this person that you need your own time to do other things.

Saying something like "Sorry, but I just want to focus on something now, so I can't talk." is a good start. Otherwise, putting yourself on mute/setting your stuff to Do Not Disturb and ignoring messages, etc. You don't owe anyone - even long-term, good friends - 100% of your time, and you certainly don't need to hand it over to a stranger.

And if you're reading this message wondering 'oh no, am I the person bothering someone else?' - that's a good question!

Keep in mind, you're not a bad person for wanting to make new friends and talk to others. But do try to respect their space and give them chances to initiate conversations instead of always jumping THEM. Mutual friendships grow by building the bridge from BOTH sides. If you're always the one reaching out, maybe try to hold off for a while and see if they send you a message first. Or, if you're feeling worried - ask them if you're making them uncomfortable. It's a healthy and normal thing to ask for boundaries in any given relationship. You can even set boundaries for yourself, instead of waiting for the other person to do it.

Cheers, and best of luck with your gaming!

[evolutionsvoid]

The spiny forest is one of those ecosystems that are absolutely wonderful to look at but are an endless nightmare to actually travel through. The reasons why should be pretty obvious. Outside of the fact that literally every surface is covered in razor sharp spines and thorns, you have to remember that these ecosystems sprout up in arid climates. So a whole lot of heat and barely any water, the perfect recipe for a miserable trek. The only real reprieve from the shriveling heat is the occasional bit of shade you can find under the taller plants. However, remember that these same plants are still covered in pointy needles, so it may be hard to relax with a clump of daggers dangling above your head. Some would suggest waiting for cooler parts of the day, when the sun is not at its highest. This method works for a bit, but once it starts transitioning to night, the temperature drops like a brick. You will soon find yourself dreaming of the scorching sands you once cursed when that sun goes down, because it turns quite frigid! So needless to say, not a lot folk spend tons of time in these ecosystems, except for people like yours truly. If there are cool creatures to catalogue and interesting specimens to find, I will not be turned away be meager things like heat, thorns and sand! At least, that is what I say before I go on these trips, because usually after a week or two, I start rethinking my choices. I've lost track of how many needles I have had to pull out of my body, and I am sure that number is going to keep rising. Regardless, visitors to this land are few and far between, but stories still arise about these ecosystems. Most people are kind of freaked out about it, usually because folk don't like an environment designed to flay you alive. One such detail you may hear a lot is that the cactus and plants "move as if they have a mind of their own." There are plenty of tales about strange "plants" that move unnaturally, or change position when no one is looking. The common way these stories go is that a lost person is struggling to escape this torturous land, and notices strange cacti following behind them. They don't move whenever they look at the plants, but when they turn their backs for a moment then go back for another look, they have inched closer. Eventually the story ends with the cacti surrounding the exhausted victim and draining the life out of them once they can no longer fight back. As usual, the question is how this story came to be when the subject of the tale died, but never mind that part. The real thing is that people think that there are ghastly cacti-like creatures that haunt these lands, waiting for some poor soul to succumb to the heat so that they can oh right cactavoirs exist. My bad. That species slipped my mind for a moment there. I mean, desert dryads do fit the bill a little there, as they look like cacti and tend to move stealthily, but I don't think they would devour a struggling person like that. Now if you were actually dead, that would be a different story. It's the desert, can't let food go to waste! Anyways, what I was really trying to go for here is that there are indeed scenarios where plants and such move without the aid of the breeze. Sometimes it is under their own volition, and sometimes it is because there is more to that "cactus" than you realize.

  My lengthy intro was meant to focus on spineshell crabs, and we did get there after a few detours! The spineshell crab is a native to desert regions, and especially abundant in spiny forests. They are a crustacean with a dark green coloration and a body plan that is quite similar to a hermit crab's. Unfortunately, we are far from the ocean and far from animals that produce shells for them inhabit, so where does the spineshell hide its vulnerable body? Well, if you can't get a home that is tough and can withstand punishment, get a home that no one wants to even touch! The spineshell crab replaces the typical shell with a carefully selected cactus! The can be quite picky about which plant they choose, it has to be the right size and shape for them. Once they find the perfect spiny plant, they use their claws to cut away the roots and knock it over. With their mouth parts, they chew through the bottom and hollow out the insides of the plant. They carve out a nicely shaped chamber and then park their rears in it! Special hooks line their abdomen, which allows them to anchor it into the hollowed out cactus. They also use their rear most legs to help keep a firm grip, that way their new home doesn't tumble away. Once situated in the perfect cactus, they now possess a nice "spiny shell" (see how that fits their name?) to protect them from the harsh world. Them chewing through a cactus isn't just for making the perfect home, it is also a staple of their diet. Spineshells are herbivores, who primarily feed on cactus and succulents. While this food gives them nutrition, they can also gain all the water they need from these meals! Their digestive system is capable of processing the cactus juice, and extracting valuable fluids from it! It should be important to note that not every creature is capable of pulling water from a cactus! My two random examples will be: non-desert dryads and humans! While dryads tend to be immune to poisons and toxins from other plants, that also doesn't mean it is pleasant to ingest. Those of us who haven't adapted to a desert environment will not fare too well with the nasty chemicals that are mixed into the juices of a cactus. Technically we can drink it in a pinch to get some hydration, but the stomachaches resulting from it may be just as wretched as thirst. Humans do even worse than use, as it usually causes vomiting and other unpleasant side effects. The point of this story is: DON'T EAT RANDOM CACTI! I have heard this "survival tip" quite a lot, and it tends to be so vague that it will cause more harm than good. Are there cacti and succulents you can eat or harvest to get water? Yes, as a matter of fact, I have relied on some of these plants during the harsher stretches of my expeditions. However, there are few of these species and they require preparation in order to safely eat them. You can't just pick the needles out and take a bite! It is important that you know which species are actually safe and which you shouldn't even get near (hint: most belong in the latter category). Anyways, spineshells eat these cacti and use them as their own mobile dwellings. That same tough exterior that protects the plant from the harsh sunlight and hungry herbivores will do the same for the crab. As a bonus, they can feed on this very cactus if they are in a pinch! How resourceful! The cactus they carry on their rears isn't their only means of defense. This spiny home protects them from behind, but what of the front? Their answer to that is: more cactus! Using their claws, they will uproot smaller cacti or snip off bits of a larger one to impale onto their claws. With the right fit, they now have spiny little boxing gloves! This makes them pointy from both ends, and they aren't afraid to jab at those who get too close. Cute as it may seem to see their little arms punch away, it does hurt if they land a blow! You'll get a nice bouquet of needles stuck into your skin or bark, which is often enough of a distraction for them to scurry away. Obviously this defense will eventually run out of pointy bits, which means they eat the spent cacti and hurry off to find another. Funny enough, the defense that protects them from predators winds up making them a target for herbivores. There are plenty of other things that eat cacti, so they have to scurry away before a Crystalhorn takes a big bite out of their house! If they are lucky!

Speaking of getting munched, spineshell crabs can indeed be eaten. Locals enjoy them for their juicy meat, once you get past the prickly defenses and thick armor. However, like the cacti, this meat needs some preparation first. You have to cook it to break down the harsher chemicals, as they still retain some of them from their meals. Even after a time on the fire, they have quite the strong taste! There is definitely a sour component to it, which can sound odd when you apply that flavor to meat! It isn't the worst flavor, it definitely grows on you over time. However, I think the thing I like the most about this meat is that it makes me appreciate my blander rations a bit more!   Chlora Myron

Dryad Natural Historian -------------------------------------------------------

“Spineshell Crab”

Feels like ages since an entry, though I guess it was just little over a month ago. What if hermit crabs changed from beach sand to desert sand?

[sweetest-honeybee]

Down to Dust

Chapter 5

Fic Summary: Grian will have to keep the dragon egg secure for the Watchers. But, they’re not the only ones who want it. On a completely unrelated note, Mumbo will have to deal with a version of himself that's only amplified by his No Killing mindset.

Chapter Summary: After a semi-sleepless night with a mysterious and insult heavy voice, Mumbo admits to Grian that he wasn’t exactly honest when he said nothing happened to him before he gave back the egg.

TW: Sleep deprivation (just in case), insults/degradation, and similar things (it’s not a bad chapter but to those a wee bit sensitive)

Word Count: 1441

Notes: None I don’t think

Enjoy!

——————

Your idiocy astounds me.

Mumbo turned on his side and pulled his knees to his chest. It was still dusk, the middle of the night most likely. At least, it felt like he’d been up for hours. Just as sleep tugged at his eyelids in an almost successful attempt at letting him drift into a peaceful slumber, a voice, and a strange one at that, jabbed itself into the back of his mind. It did nothing more but insult him.

How’ve you become so gullible.

It wasn’t just any voice, he discovered. It was his voice. Of course, that’s what thoughts were most of the time, especially particularly degrading ones. However, it was different from his usual self deprecation. It was a deep, distorted echo of his voice, but he recognized it all too well.

And it wouldn’t stop talking.

He didn’t see you take it, you daft spoon.

It was likely just buzzing nerves after the egg’s outburst. His heart still raced at the very thought of it, and when the egg came to mind, so did the eerie voice. Weird things happened after he got his hands on the egg in the first place. Thus, the voice was a new addition alongside an aching in his limbs and an uncanny…guilt, for lack of a better word. Almost as if he’d done something wrong. Like a child that’s broken their parents’ favorite vase.

Must’ve been the leftover shame from Grian’s scolding.

He sat up, leaning his head back on the cold wall of the van and rubbing his eyes.

Grian’s lied to you like he’s done several times before. You’re a fool to trust him.

Mumbo didn’t feel like listening to the gravelly voice. He pulled his hand away from his face and held it in front of him. The fatigue left it blurred against the interior of the van. Only a soft golden light emitted from the windows behind it from the bases outside. It was a nice glow. A soft, serene warmth that he could almost…almost doze off to…

That egg holds a power unlike anything you’ve seen. A thousand times more than all the redstone you can imagine.

He lifted his head from its slow descent to his chest. Power? What was power to him if he was too tired to use it because the damned voice wouldn’t let him sleep. Half lidded eyes trailed towards the hand that was now in his lap.

Why don’t I get it for you if you’re so frightened of your little bird friend.

Mumbo was dozing again. In this state, he mumbled to himself.

“Don’t even know who you are,” was all that slurred from his lips. He decided to humor the voice anyway. “Just some thought.”

Who I am hardly concerns you.

“You keep insulting me. Why would I listen to-“

Mumbo, it snapped. If you wish to keep questioning me, it’s a futile attempt. My purpose here is to…make a deal of sorts.

“Deal,” the redstoner echoed with a short nod. “I must be very tired. I’m making deals with myself. Mhm, what kinda deal.”

I need a little bit more power. You retrieve the egg, then we can talk more.

“I can’t…get the egg. Grian has it.” He snorted. “If he hid it well this time. Didn’t you say you could just get it?”

If a vexed businessman with less common sense than a beached squid can find it, I’m sure you can. As for the offer, I unfortunately cannot get it alone.

“I’m not very helpful.” Mumbo yawned. “Just some stupid hermit.”

Believe me, I’ve heard, the voice sounded as if it were to roll its imaginary eyes. But, you’re the only stupid hermit that I have the capability to ask. I’m asking for your assistance. You want the egg, yes?

“I…do want the egg.” It just causes issues though, he added to himself. But, it could revolutionize everything if he could experiment with it. Test its limits.

Good, Mumbo, you can use it for all kinds of farms. You love farms. Farms, vaults, walking…bases. The voice cleared its throat. Many things, of course.

“Mhm. I do.”

Do we have a deal, then?

Mumbo nodded silently, more so to please the voice and get on with ending the conversation. But, he was just talking to himself, it wasn’t exactly easy to simply turn off your thoughts.

He pulled the blanket over himself. As long as he got some rest, things could go back to being as normal as Hermitcraft would let them be. It was already looking up for him. The voice quieted for longer and longer until he was successful at his final attempt to sleep.

The next morning, however, he was up much earlier than he certainly wanted to be, having been awake a mere four hours later to a knock at the van’s door.

He groaned, finally having just gotten comfortable in the small space. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed at his eyes with a wide yawn. He reached over to the other side of the van, opting to pull the door open from his bed. (Having spider-like limbs came in handy once in a while, he supposed.)

At the door was Grian who looked much more awake- no- alive than Mumbo certainly knew he did. The builder initially greeted him with a smile but before a word even partially escaped his mouth, he grimaced at Mumbo. Though, cringe seemed a better word.

“My god you look awful,” he hissed.

“Good morning to you too,” grumbled the redstoner as he pulled himself out of the van. He stretched, earning a chain of pops down his spine which ended in a satisfied sigh.

“You know, I’d say sorry but I’m not joking, you look like the walking dead. Did you sleep at all last night?”

“A bit,” came a simple answer.

“A bit,” Grian mocked. “When someone says they got a wink of sleep, it’s not a literal statement-”

“Do you need something?” Mumbo turned with a huff.

The avian cleared his throat. “Oh yeah, just wanted to check up on you.” The redstoner only raised a brow. “And you’re out of end crystals.”

Mumbo waved a dismissive hand, only to cover another yawn. “I’ll get those soon.” He began to walk to his potato farm when Grian stopped him with a tug of his arm.

“And I um-“ He sighed. “Sorry again about the whole egg thing. I hope that’s not the reason you look so tired.” Rather than ending in a snort or a giggle, he only looked up at the other with an almost regretful expression. A stark contrast to his mood seconds prior.

Ah, Mumbo guessed that he only came to talk more about the egg. The sentiment was nice though.

Too tired to try to lie, however, he shrugged. “Well, it kinda was but not much to do with you.”

Grian pulled away. “Kind of?”

“Yeah, can’t really explain it. Just nerves I guess.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to choose his next words semi-carefully. “But, I um- I wasn’t all that honest when I said nothing happened when the egg did what it did yesterday.”

This only earned a groan from his friend who accompanied the sound by pinching the bridge of his nose. “Jeez, Mumbo, of course you weren’t. What happened?”

“The egg…I don’t know. When that whole thing happened I was kind of…caught in it. I didn’t run fast enough to avoid this weird wave of energy. Weird stuff’s been happening since.”

“Oh,” was all that left Grian’s mouth.

“Oh?” Mumbo gestured for his friend to continue. “Am I- Is that a good thing? Bad thing?”

“Well did it feel bad?” The avian ran his fingers through his hair. His expression seemed a mix between confused and fearful. Still, wide eyes darted in every direction except the other man.

It only made Mumbo anxious. “What? Is something going to happen to me? Did I screw something up?”

“We’ll that’s the thing, I don’t know! The Watchers don’t know either and-“

The redstoner held up a hand to halt Grian’s answer (or lack of), now mirroring the wide eyed horror on his friend’s face. “Hold on The Watchers don’t know?! Grian you’re a Watcher!”

“Ah, not quite-“

“Not quite?!”

“Mumbo!” snapped the builder. He continued in a hushed voice. “Okay, no, we don’t know. Really, you won’t die but the likelihood is that you might’ve just started a potential dimensional war.”

“I did what.”

[crowtrinkets]

Analysis of Vesuvia :) pt 3A Underground Tunnels

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3B

Alright my friends here's the big one I had to break it into two parts its so big lol

Ok so we all wanna know, how the heck are there under ground tunnels if Vesuvia is surrounded by canals? And I am here to hopefully answer that question

So first of all referencing this post once again, @mangoeclipse said that there are catacombs along the Via Casillina road. So this brought me to the Catacombs of Marcellinus and Peter, named after Christian Martyrs Marcellinus and Peter who were supposedly buried in here

Not really relevant to my points but I thought some history and context on catacombs would be interesting :)

There is not a lot of info I could find on them other than info about the art, which depicts Christian and Pagan imagery (because Christians had to meet in catacombs to avoid persecution)And according to our lord and savior Google maps its pretty far from the coast so unfortunately it wont help in this case

Now let us return to our beloved map of Vesuvia, cropped for convenience 

So, based off this image it seems that the mouth of a river runs through the castle and through the aqueducts and down into the canals of the city. But I am speculating that the river actually goes around the castle and it just looks odd because the drawing has very little detail. Why do I think this you ask? The Palace grounds are quite large, take Portia’s cottage for example.

Why Portia’s cottage you ask? Oh yknow

You can see the Palace in the background, and judging by this image alone the palace is HUGE meaning the grounds are quite large as well. Its far enough away that Guards rarely come around and it is far enough away that people could seek refuge at the cottage while the palace was quite literally falling apart in Portia’s route.

Now if we take context from in game it further proves just how large the Palace grounds are. It’s big enough the hold a huge maze of gardens, and Portia’s cottage which on it’s own has a large garden as well. They are big enough to house a menagerie (which I think its outside I’m not sure), stables, and enough room to host possibly a few thousand people for the masquerade

Now onto the tunnels

Usually the Apprentice makes their way into the tunnels at ground level (via the library or other portals in the walls) and ascends down to the creepy elevator correct? Hmmm well maybe not so because I came across something that’ll probably make y’all as just as confused as it did me.

In Portia’s route, Book 9: The Hermit, when the Apprentice and Portia are in the dungeons, shall we shall we call them, and they lock themselves in Julian’s office. The Apprentice finds a portal in the wall and pulls both them and Portia through it and where do they end up? Outside, on the Palace grounds

*pause for confused stares*

 If the portals work as doorways why would they end out outside if they are under ground so to speak? Unless the portals are more complicated than they seem, then either 

A. The underground tunnels are not as fully underground as we thought, and maybe act as an above ground basement? (if those exist)

B. The portals act as literal magical portals and transport a person from point A to point B no matter the distance, and do not act as a doorway as we saw demonstrated inside the palace

or C. This was just a mistake and overlooked detail, which is entirely possible.

Now depending on which theory you find more suitable it can really change the course of where this post is going. 

If you agree with A, then the reason the canals work with the underground tunnels, the answer is simply that the tunnels are actually above ground. Which is kind of confusing.

However if you agree with point B then the answer I have fallen onto is that, the Palace is on top of a hill, and the only water surrounding it are the aqueducts and the moat below it. so it would make sense why the underground tunnels do not interfere with the canals, simply because the palace sits above the canals not allowing for direct interference 

Here is a hopefully not confusing diagram I drew onto the map to try and help explain my point.

So if were looking at this from left to right, I am imagining the Palace is actually sitting on raised ground, sloping down until it reaches the Palace and the aqueducts and then it drops. Which would make sense why there are aqueducts surrounding it. Even on the Arcana wiki it says “Vesuvia is the main setting for the Arcana Game. A city-state built into a cliff by a Mediterranean-like sea”

We know that Vesuvia is full of stairs and pathways that lead up to the gates of the Palace which sits atop a hill. and the aqueducts work around the palace and lead down to the canals. And these pictures kind of proves that Vesuvia has a lot of ups and downs all leading to the palace. The places closer to the coast are at sea level and it slowly ascends upwards.

Hey, yknow what other place is sitting ontop of water? But is also surrounded by hills and mountains? Thats right Mexico City

The mythology around Mexico city goes that the Aztecs, or the Mexica (Meh-shee-ka) as they called themselves, were told by their god or patron diety Huitzilopochtili  (weet·see·luh·powch·tuh·lee) to go on a migration until they saw a sign from him, and to them that sign was an eagle sitting on a cactus that was growing on a rock in the middle of a lake. And thus Mexico City was established on that lake and built upon. So, more evidence of a city on top of water AND with hills surrounding it to boot

here's a video talking about the Mexica in a little more detail :)

I have now run out of the max images I can place in this post and I have more I want to talk about so I will now direct you to part B in part 3B linked at the top of this post

[daydreamrry]

I just don’t think people are understanding. It’s quite literally the biggest spread of covid we’ve ever seen. We’re saying, RIGHT NOW AT THIS MOMENT, it is not safe to travel. Live your lives, yea, but at this specific moment it’s the worse it’s ever been. In a weeks time maybe things will let up a bit and numbers will go down, but for her to go to Italy on the highest positivity case rate weekend…it’s shitty

Exactly. I am a nurse and I deal with covid patients every day. No one is saying to be a hermit. Yes you can live your life, but use some damn common sense. The winter months are always going to be super spreader months. As are the holidays, because everyone is out and about. Unfortunately, both vaccinated and unvaccinated people are transmitting this. So taking a vacation to Italy right now or to any other place is not really advised or in the best interest if you would like to stop the disease from spreading. That's all we are saying! It's cold and flu season as well. The symptoms are very similar, so it makes the situation worse! Just let these few months go by!! People need to continue to get vaccinated and boostered. Then maybe we can all return to a normal life!! I cannot believe we still need to have this conversation after almost two years!!

🙌🏽

[lovelyirony]

@ironmanspussy​ here we are, directly inspired by your wonderful texpost! 

King Rhodes needed a partner to rule. It was ancient law, something he hadn’t really desired to follow. But unfortunately, the lawyers are assholes and want to create a monopoly of power that he just simply hasn’t the time to dismantle if he’s to follow his ten-year policy plan.

His partner should be well-mannered, aware of high society dress codes as well as how to navigate regular, everyday wear, and be calm in times of crisis.

So begins the search.

“You’re not going to find someone you like like that,” his advisor, Carol says, laughing. “I guarantee it.”

“We’ll see,” Rhodes decides.

Oh, they saw.

They saw a lot.

Almost every single candidate is bad. Or just off, in some way.

“Rogers seemed like a nice fit,” Carol says, tapping on her clipboard.

"He was nice, not for me. A bit too much.”

“What, muscle?”

“You could say that’s a factor. He’s also just a little too take-charge-of-everything.”

“Mm, that could pose a problem later. Well, the candidates who most matched your requirements are all out.”

“You’re kidding.”

“You’re a very particular kind of guy, Jim. So here are the rest.”

“Send in the clowns,” Rhodes says, waving his hand in dismissal and drawing the other one to his forehead to signal a headache about to come on.

“You just sent Barnes out,” Danvers reminds him, grinning.

“Asshole.”

“I’m still getting paid!” Carol sing-songs.

-

It’s almost better. Almost. Prince Clint Barton is an impossibly good marksman, and...that’s about it. His leadership style is far different from the Rhodes kingdom needs and he admits that he almost showed up in jeans.

Well, at least there’s honesty. Rhodes could find that forgivable.

But the jeans. Good god.

-

Bruce Banner is a total sweetheart, but his constitution is quite poor and again with the fashion choices. He shows up in a very nice outfit and has a nice wit about him.

They talk at length, and Carol swears that it will go well and perhaps there will actually be a wedding by June, all things said and considered.

This is until Rhodes leads Dr. Banner out to the gardens to meet Thor, their part-time warrior and full-time gardener.

Thor is completely gone on the scientist-ruler, and there it is.

“This is supposed to be your matchmaking,” Carol reminds him, scowling. “It was going well.”

“Once he met Thor anyways, it would have been all over. You know Thor’s type. The scientists that could ruin the earth if they truly had the thought to.”

“I suppose you’re right. Next person, then. She looks promising, Empress Romanov?”

-

Natasha Romanov is a terrifying figure. Very, very terrifying.

That being said, she has excellent taste in fashion and promised to send Rhodes some reviews, but “unfortunately has her heart spoken for.”

(It’s not very unfortunate. Rhodes feared for his life.)

-

He’s about to lose it, to be completely honest. Is there seriously no one out there?

“Your last candidate, at least for this month, is Tony Stark. High-profile inventor.”

“Not royalty?”

“Essentially, he is. Dad helped create weapons, he followed with protection and medical detail. He usually doesn’t agree to meet, so you’ll have to ask him why.”

“Refuse to meet royalty?”

“People.”

-

Tony Stark did, in fact, refuse to meet people. In general, people were not his strong suit and he saw no point to marriage.

“If you marry well, you get more access to resources for your reacting thing,” Pepper says.

“My reactor. I’ve told you that a million times.”

“And I’ve forgotten it a million and one. But if you meet Rhodes, he’s probably your best chance of not marrying a total shit royal.”

“And why is that?”

“Searching online for your answer is free, I am not. Your bill will be sent to your inbox.”

Tony stares after Pepper. She’s too damn capable.

He sighs to himself.

He does need more funding for his projects. His father cut him off completely and while that wouldn’t be the worst thing, Tony’s not going to charge obscene prices just to keep himself afloat.

So...marrying a royal. Not the best plan in the world, especially given Tony’s track record with people. Sure, he can play the part. But he just...won’t.

-

This is why Tony’s about five minutes late, cursing up a blue streak at a guard that has followed him into the hall because due to his appearance he thinks he needs to have a “check-in” with the people at the front desk for appointments, and in general? The day has been bad.

Also, Pepper forced him into “nice” clothes. While Tony can and has worn his nice clothing before, he does not like the ones that Pepper chose because they are uncomfortable, stiff, and absolutely a bit too long.

So he trips on the carpet.

“Motherfucker!”

Rhodes’ head pops away from his conversation with the chef regarding the dinner menu.

Here is a man with probably the most intricately embroidered robes he’s ever seen on, hair that looks like it was probably not even styled, just brushed through, and had about the entirety of the guard behind him asking him about an appointment time.

Obviously, he’s the most attractive man Rhodes has ever seen in his life.

“And who are you?” he asks.

“Tony. Stark. Mechanic and inventor. Um, you talked to Pepper about me? I think I’m in your circle of potential candidates for ruling. It’s totally fine if you kick me out, I kind of scuffed your carpet.”

“We need new carpet anyway,” Carol says. “We’ll disregard your entrance for now, Stark.”

“Tony, please.”

“Tony,” Carol says slowly, smiling. “You will be walking around the gardens with King Rhodes, pausing for dinner.”

“Cool.”

Rhodes has to stop from laughing. Cool. He’s already a fan of this.

Carol leans over to him, whispering in his ear.

“I thought you wanted someone who had a cool head, not someone like that.”

“Well, I can be wrong every once in a while.”

“Or more.”

“Every once in a while,” Rhodes reiterates. “Besides, I have a good feeling about this.”

“Hm.”

-

Walking through a garden with a stranger is not as smooth as one would expect. Rhodes isn’t exactly well-versed in asking people what their plans are for the future, and if they are amenable to perhaps marriage.

“What do you do for fun?” Tony asks.

He’s sort of taken aback at the question.

“Pardon me?”

“What do you do for fun?” he repeats. “Like, do you cook? Sew? Duel with your rivals? What do you do for fun?”

Well. He has to think for a moment.

“I go on runs.”

“That is not fun. Don’t tell me that that’s what’s fun for you.”

“What, can’t run?”

“I don’t run, there’s a difference. I’ll run when something’s chasing me.”

“And yet you won’t have training, like I will.”

“Did you forget my trade, Your Imminence?” Tony asks, voice mocking him.

It’s honestly refreshing. Rhodes doesn’t like it when people are so serious around him, so afraid to disappoint.

“An inventor? You’re going to invent a way to run better?”

“To fly, honey. Honestly...”

-

After that, it’s a dead-set decision from Rhodes.

He offers his hand in marriage, as well as the crown. Tony blinks.

“You haven’t even seen me take a turn in the ballroom.”

“It’s either going to be wildly entertaining or surprising, and I can’t wait for either.”

-

Tony enters his own room, in a panic.

This has to go well. He has to dress to impress.

“Pepper, he’s holding a party for our engagement. I have to dress nicely.”

“You know how to do that, I don’t know why you’re telling me that.”

“There are so many factors. Do you know anyone who can embroider his family crest on any shoes? What colors I’m meant to do? Oh my god, we have to fuse the colors together. This is going to be a disgrace. I’ll be exiled to be a hermit in the forest who relies on bark for sustenance, and this--”

“Can you. Potentially, maybe, chill? It’ll be fine.”

“You say that, but right now I’m imagining having to go to war because I didn’t wear the right color of red, so...”

“You are literally the worst person alive.”

“False, we both know Justin Hammer and out of the two of us, I think you’d want to date me more.”

“Don’t be a smartass.”

“Just practical, Pep. Just practical. Now help me shade match Rhodey’s red.”

“He’s Rhodey now?”

“In my head? Yes. I don’t like Rhodes, I absolutely will not call him Jim until we both hit seventy years old.”

“Better let him know that.”

-

Rhodes gets a text from Tony.

so a.) your new nickname from me is rhodey. don’t question it, honeybear. Anyways, would you say your royal family color is closer to garnet-red or blood-red?

Rhodey blinks. He likes the nickname. It’s different. He has to show the text to Carol.

“What in the hell does that mean?”

“Let me google it.”

She analyzes the results, frowning.

“I’m thinking blood-red.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“Why does he want to know the color?”

“I don’t know, I’ll ask.”

we’ve decided it matches closer to blood-red, Tones. Why do you ask?

Tony blinks. Other nickname. Interesting. He likes it.

my outfit choice relies heavily on this.

He leaves it at that, grinning as he puts his phone away.

Rhodey is laughing. He’s excited to see his husband-to-be.

-

Tony knows he looks damned good. The whole outfit is incredible. Red with gold stitching throughout, and he got his hair to cooperate to be artfully messy instead of just messy.

“I’m surprised at you, you clean up well,” Pepper teases. “You ready to go and make your debut?”

“As ready as ever,” Tony says, fixing the chain around his neck. The gold glints off the lights, and he knows he’s about to be the best dressed person in the room, with perhaps the exception of Rhodey.

He knows that most people are surprised that he’s the one that King Rhodes has decided to marry. He’s not known for being a particularly polite royal. In fact, he has told multiple members of royalty to “get fucked or get out of my way” when they want him to build something that he refuses to build.

So he’s not exactly the perfect choice. But his outfit is still the best in the room.

“Hi gorgeous,” Rhodey says, smiling. “You look incredible.”

“Well I do know how to make an entrance, after all,” Tony says. “You’ll find out this is only the tip of the iceberg.”

“Well then, I’m in for treats all my life,” Rhodey says. “How are you tonight, Tones?”

“Doing well, finished up working on one of the cars for Thor today.”

“Wait, you’re the one who’s refinishing it? He hasn’t been able to shut up about it for weeks! I was the one who used to look at it.”

“You like fixing up cars?”

“Yes, of course I do!”

-

From there, conversation flows. They understand each other well, laugh at the same jokes, and agree on cake flavors.

It’s not love, not yet. But they’re getting there.

-

It is officially love when Tony steals Rhodey from his royal duties to get a cheeseburger.

“Sometimes it’s good to get out of the throne, don’t you think?” Tony says, grinning over his sunglasses.

“For a cheeseburger? Can’t say I’ve ever done anything like that.”

“That’s because you’re all fancy and posh, I bet you don’t even know the f-word,” Tony says.

“Fuck you,” Rhodey jokes.

Tony gasps. “The king knows a curse word? Oh my lord! What...shame you bring to your family!”

Rhodey laughs, and it’s in this moment that he realizes that spending the rest of his days with Tony is potentially the best possible option in the world.

“I’m so glad we’re getting married,” he says. Tony stills.

“You...you are?”

“You’re the best thing to happen to me, I think,” Rhodey says, taking a sip of water as if he hasn’t just said the sweetest thing Tony’s ever heard. “And I hope that I’m the best thing to ever happen to you.”

“I mean I don’t know, the AC/DC reunion tour was pretty sick...” Tony says, grinning. “I’m kidding. Rhodey, I think we’re gonna be a good team. And I’m glad that I get to be with you.”

-

Their wedding is the talk of the year. Literally no one can shut up about it, but maybe that’s because Tony accidentally showed up late because he was inventing and had wild hair and maybe a stray grease-stain on his forehead.

Rhodey just grinned.

“You better not be late to the reception.”

“I’ll try my best. You know how I am.”

They kiss, and Rhodey sends him into a deep dip. Tony laughs into the kiss, and it becomes one of the most well-known photographs of the year.

-

Sure, Rhodey didn’t exactly get all of the qualifications that he wanted out of his ruling partner. Tony is absolutely not calm in times of crisis, and stress-bought novelty socks.

He more than once told a difficult business partner to “absolutely get fucked up on a Thursday, see if I give a singular shit when my husband is ten times better than you,” and also has a certain unawareness of some of his public outfit choices. (Hello sweatpants with holes in them and a striped hoodie.)

But Tony makes the best coffee ever, always gets Rhodey flowers from the supermarket, and is perhaps the most compassionate man he’s ever met.

So not a bad trade-off.

They lay in bed together, Rhodey looking over his obscenely trashy detective novels with his reading glasses, and Tony battling Pepper in a word search competition online.

“I love you,” Tony says out of nowhere, smiling. He presses a kiss to Rhodey’s shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Rhodey responds, patting Tony’s thigh.

He makes a squawk of outrage as Rhodey’s head turns from his book, grinning.

“You better give me a kiss to make up for that,” Tony demands. Rhodey rolls his eyes.

“Of course, drama queen.”

“Drama queen? I was told by the love of my life that I was ‘okay’ after one year of marriage? And I am supposed to be unaffected? Absolutely unacceptable, I think I will fling myself into a pit in the ocean, and--”

Rhodey cuts him off with a kiss.

“Or not. Not could definitely work.”

[tyk-tyk-tyk]

(its iwontknock, i wish tumblr would let us send asks from second blogs) on my post you said your first d&d character was the lodger and i am SO curious about that!! can i ask more about that, like what his class was? id love to hear about your portrayal!

Well, I hope my fellow players don’t pay attention to this blog lol. If you are GO AWAY YOU NERDS Tw for child death and unethical experimentation juuuust in case, I know Knock-Knock has a lot of that regardless but if D&D folks see this too I want there to be a heads up

Looong post under the cut, adding tags in a sec

I’m actually kinda thrilled that you asked, we haven’t started the reboot yet, but hopefully we will soon! When I first started playing him, I was hella inexperienced and a little shy, so I didn’t quite get to fully do what I wanted with him & had a HORRIBLE backstory, but I’ll give a few details anyways. Then I’ll explain what I’m gonna do with his reboot haha

To also save some confusion, I named The Lodger “Bormot” as that’s what some of his voice files are called, it’s just a Russian name that means “Mumble” :)

I made him a half elf druid! It was a lot to tackle at first, but I really felt like it fit his character. Whereas druids are usually blessed by the Earth and such yadda yadda, I made it so that the Earth borderline cursed him by being in the wrong spot at the wrong time. He comes from this long line of elf intellectuals, and still does his worldology stuff out in the middle of nowhere. After he gets cursed though, his home starts dying and he pulls a “Well, this isn’t good!” and runs away and ends up meeting the party. Did I mention that he’s a half elf that doesn’t believe in magic bc of his sheltered life? More on that later. Some fun stuff that ended up happening is he literally met half plant people (my DM had no idea LOL) and Bormot proceeded to have a panic attack and casted Call Lightning by accident. We were like level 15 btw I came in LATE He also managed to talk down a dragon despite his low charisma score (I think I actually rolled well and my DM took pity on me, a new player)

The ‘rebooted’ version of him is still largely the same, a half elf druid, just with more of a fleshed out story. His Grandfather is kind of this disgraced elf who hates magic since he thinks his peers rely on it too much, they don’t use their braiiiiins. So he then raises Bormot’s (half elf) dad to reject magic, and continue their worldology science that’s Definitely A Real Science I Swear. Bormot’s dad gets married ofc and decides to live in the middle of nowhere where he can conduct his science in peace with his family. The wife gives birth to a beautiful baby girl shortly after! While on a hunting trip, Bormot’s dad shoots at something he thinks is a deer, but ends up being an old & weak God. Oops. So he does what any responsible scientist does and vivisects the thing before it dies, taking lots of samples of its blood. This kinda makes him lose his mind as now there’s real, physical evidence in front of him that higher powers and magic might be a pretty valid thing. So of course he does what any highly responsible father does and puts some zesty ichor (God Blood) into his child just to see what happens! She dies, unfortunately, as the powers that be of a god isn’t something a really tiny elf girl’s body can handle. The mother enters grief and becomes more overprotective. having no idea that her husband accidentally killed their child. She gives birth to Bormot a long while later. Daddy-o doesn’t want the wife to know about his experimentation since she’ll whine about MoRaLs and refuse to let him inject more blood into their son, so he keeps it a secret for as long as he can. When Bormot is older, he tries again, and it works! ... Sort of. Now the poor kid is having constant nightmares and hallucinations, and is having trouble both sleeping and meditating. He’s freaked out about the potential magic that he has, since his dad said that magic isn’t real, and his dad is definitely always right and doesn’t lie! He grows up like this his whole life. Bormot’s mom does actually end up finding out about it and gets into an argument with the dad, so the dad does what any responsible husband would do and kills her after it escalates. At least he feels guilty for this one. Her body is buried next to the sister’s near some pine trees so the roots will hopefully grow over them and conceal the bodies more. Bormot has no idea he even had a sister, and his dad lies and says that his mom left. When Bormot’s old enough to live on his own, his dad peaces out to conduct more research and tries to prolong his own death, even if he has a lot of years left. Bormot starts the game around when he leaves his house, wondering where his dad ran off to & wants to learn what the hell is up with his hallucinations and Not Real Magic.

I left out details since this was already getting so LONG, sorry mobile users Anyway the TLDR is Bormot’s dad makes a lot of bad decisions that leads to Bormot being a druid hermit that doesn’t believe in magic, and his journey with his friends is all about realizing that he’s more than his worldology ‘legacy’ and that magic is indeed real and it isn’t bad to embrace it. But we’ll see if he makes it to the end or dies to a goblin or something

Thanks for reading my self indulgent D&D rambles, I can give updates if anyone is ever curious about it later

[zukadiary]

Carly, can’t help but notice that in your bio and in certain of your reviews with photos of yourself attached, your makeup is flawless and your natural skin/smile is really amazing. In fact you look like an off-duty ken-7 Musume! If you have time and feel ok to do so, would you drop your skincare/makeup/beauty routine and your favourite products for us? Feels weird to ask but I promise it’s from a place of pure admiration only (well a tiny aesthetic crush *blushes*)

Goodness anon... I am FLATTERED, and I will try my best, but let’s for sure DISCLAIM A FEW THINGS:

1: My natural state is NOT PARTICULARLY AMAZING, I promise I am a very ordinary acne-covered human with rapidly graying hair like everyone else

Hello, this is the real me, the hermit currently working 12 hour days on her computer in her childhood bedroom.

2. If you’re just looking through my blog, literally I swear my #1 beauty tip is the B612 app, no I’m not kidding

Taken exactly 8 seconds after the previous, this is the “Peach” filter.

3. When I am in Japan, and particularly when I am going to see a show, I do approximately ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND PERCENT MORE to myself than I would do on a normal non-COVID basis. Am I proud of it? Absolutely not. Does it make me feel unbelievably self-conscious to walk into a place where everyone stares at you and on top of it everyone staring at you is very rich and half your size and shaves their arms and somehow doesn’t sweat? Unfortunately yes. 

So like, not quite off-duty ken-7 musumeyaku, more like on-duty ken-(redacted) musumeyaku, because I assure you I probably spend as much time as they do getting ready, and I am DEFINITELY not shinko-eligible.

4. I have done my makeup exactly one (1) time since the pandemic started, and it wasn’t even to go out, it was to take a new LinkedIn headshot because I am job hunting for a hotshot position. It took me an age and a half because I like, forgot what eyeshadow was.

THAT ALL SAID, I can give you the FEW tips of things that I actually feel like kind of work for me maybe??

I use different foundation in the winter (liquid) and summer (mineral powder). The latter is especially good if you’re in Japan during the Sweaty Times™, which is honestly like, April through November. I am, to be perfectly honest, NOT attached to any of the foundation brands I use. The powder is Lily Lolo and I only like it because it’s inexpensive for a natural brand but doesn’t suck.

When I am going to the theater, I do a wholeass layering routine of primer > foundation > concealer > setting powder > setting spray. Which, again, is mostly because Japan is the Sweaty Place, and I haven’t yet figured out the secret Japanese fan technique of not sweating.

The only things in my makeup routine I DO feel strongly about are 1) the Urban Decay eyeshadow primer potion, without which my eye makeup would never last more than 3 minutes, and Benefit Roller Lash mascara, which does a decent job of keeping my very straight eyelashes kinda curled all day. I also use cream blush, but I’m not attached to a particular brand.

THRIFTY TIP: I get all my eyeshadow, eye liner, highlighter powder, and setting powders from https://www.silknaturals.com/store/. Their stuff is VERY reasonably priced, all natural ingredients, and they dupe their colors from top makeup brands but sell them for cheaper/healthier ingredients/in little sifter jars so the powders stay clean and last way longer!

For skincare, to be perfectly honest, I have nothing I swear by; I had a routine that worked pretty well for a while but then one day up and stopped, and right now I’m struggling with a lot of skin issues, probably due to stress, and I’m still experimenting and trying to figure out something that works well. The only general tip I have is I have very dry skin and I use face oils as my moisturizer, it’s the only thing that works well enough. I think a lot of people are afraid of oils because it was marketed to us as the enemy when we were acne-prone teens, but as someone who has dealt with acne into adulthood I can say there are MANY that not only don’t worsen my acne but actually help it. Which ones will work for you is unfortunately pretty personal.

My hair is the bane of my existence in Japan (the sweaty place!!) because as soon as it goes above 1% humidity all bets are off with my hair down no matter how much ironing I do or how much product I use. If the weather is such that I CAN wear it down there, I pack like 5 cans of Batiste dry shampoo and try to only wash/dry/flat iron or curl my hair twice a week and just keep it alive in between, otherwise I’d go insane trying to do it every day. When I CAN’T wear it down, I braid it and spray it to my head using techniques I learned on YouTube. Here’s my summer hair playlist

This has been CARLY’S BEAUTY TIPS I guess and now also you all know what I really look like.

[stowaway-macaw]

Biome Curse (Part 7)

Scar woke up to the sound of Jellie batting at the glass bottles attached to his belt that he had hung off a hook on his desk. He awoke easily since he wasn't as active the day previous and lifted the belt away from Jellie, not that she stopped swatting at the colorful crystals. As Scar put the belt back on his waist and started reaching for his cloak, he realized that Grian wasn't in the room. For about five seconds, Scar panicked, thinking that maybe that the only person who still remembered him had either left or been taken against his will. Then he remembered the pendant. Breathing a sigh of relief, Scar held the pendant so he could see it but the cord remained around his neck.

He was about to call out when he suddenly felt a presence nearby. He let the pendant fall and opened the door to the snail, hoping to face the strange entity that had forced a curse on him. He couldn't pinpoint the exact location of the presence until it spoke.

My wizard is awake. My wizard looks well rested.

Scar nodded slightly and an eerie silence followed and Scar had finally spotted the bird eyeing him and chose to pretend like he couldn't see it again.

The bird is missing again. Did my wizard send him away again? The jungle thinks my wizard should keep a tighter leash on his bird.

Scar was thankful for the question, despite sounding slightly like an interrogation. It told him that the jungle couldn't know whether or not Grian was inside the pendant.

"No, he's inside the pendant." The voice perked up immediately as soon as the words left Scar's mouth.

Fantastic. My wizard knows what is best for the bird. The bird should know that it is most free under the jungle's care. The jungle sees that my wizard needs no assistance. The jungle will now focus elsewhere.

And with that, Scar heard the flapping of wings and the blur of red disappeared from his view and eventually, so did the presence. Scar heaved a sigh of relief and held up the pendant again.

"You can come out now!" He called to the glass encased feather. Nothing happened.

"Hello?" Still nothing. Scar was getting increasingly nervous and desperately wanted to call out Grian's name, especially after getting such a positive reaction from the jungle when he told it that Grian was in the pendant.

"Hey, come out already!" Finally he was surrounded by the familiar whirlwind of color and Grian finally appeared in the middle. He looked dazed and held a faraway gaze that stared right through Scar and was barely responsive. The blank expression was worse looking since Grian's mask was on top of his head rather than over his face. To Scar, he looked pale, but it was hard to tell since he was still semi-transparent.

"Uh, are you okay?" Scar asked, anxiety rising in his throat for the third time that morning. Grian's head dipped slightly in what was probably a weak imitation of a nod.

"Noooo, oh no. You're obviously not okay! Hey, come back to me!" Scar had no idea that the affect would be this bad and guilt swelled up inside him. What had he done? He tried to grab Grian's shoulders, and remembered that his mask was still off when his fingers passed right through the arms of his friend.

"Put… put on your mask." Scar's voice failed him as the dread and guilt continued to grow. What if Grian was stuck like this? What if he had permanently cost himself his only accomplice in this wreck of a situation? What if he had lost his friend forever? All these questions and more wreaked havoc in Scar's mind as Grian's hand moved to pull down his mask. Scar stared intently at his friend's blank eyes until his mask was all the way down and his form solidified. The vibrant purple eyes behind the mask were the only thing visible and suddenly shot wide open. A desperate and ragged gasp filled his lungs and Grian nearly collapsed. Scar moved to support his heaving friend. After a handful of seconds, Grian spoke up.

"Nev… never… never again…" Scar's worries were shoved aside by Grian's words, but he still felt the guilt.

"We're going to… keep this mask on… unless it's absolutely necessary… Also… " Grian was finally able to stand up straight and looked Scar directly in the eye.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this. There was literally no way you could have known." Scar was taken aback by the harshly encouraging words.

"How did you know…?" 

"It's so like you to blame yourself for something like that. Seriously dude, I'm fine now so all we have to do is keep my mask on. Easy." While Grian's words did banish some of the guilt, some still lingered since he could still hear the weakness in Grian's voice. Scar decided that would be good enough for now though.

"If anyone is at fault, it's that darn bird." Grian mumbled to nobody in particular. Scar chuckled slightly.

"Not calling it a pesky bird?" Scar teased. Grian huffed in playful frustration, but Scar could tell it had some genuine disgust to it.

"Yeah right. Pesky birds are pesky, not downright life-destroyers." Scar snorted at the comment and he could see the smirk on Grian's eyes. Then the two fell silent, an unasked and unanswered question hanging in the air. Scar vouched to break the silence, knowing that it would be better if the two discussed the issue now rather than later.

"So, what was it like?" Scar asked very hesitantly. Grian's gaze averted down to his bare feet, and he remembered all too well what it was like.

"Not pleasant. It's like not having a body, but still being conscious. You don't really feel anything, but at the same time you can feel a lot. Like dreaming but worse. It messes with your mind and your memories. You lose yourself in a space like that. Time doesn't matter, emotions don't matter, it's so... backwards. That and… I..." Grian's voice faded out into a mumble that Scar couldn't hear, and his face was now completely facing downward so Scar couldn't even see his eyes. His mask was covering both his expression and his voice which made it even harder to discern what he had said.

"What?"

"...name" was all that Scar could make out from the marginally louder mumbling.

"I really can't hear you." 

"I forgot my name." Scar could finally see how tense Grian was and his voice cracked at the statement. Scar couldn't see the tears, but he knew they were there. Grian had forgotten his name. Neither of them had heard or said their name in two days, but after being practically forced into being something that wasn't who they were, it was all they had to hold onto from their normal life. Scar knew what it was, but he still couldn't say it. He felt a pang in his heart and moved to embrace his friend.

"We're going to solve this. I know it." Scar spoke with quiet confidence. Admittedly the confidence was completely staged, but "fake it 'til you make it" was a useful philosophy in times like these. It took some time, but the two had eventually composed themselves.

"You ready to go back?" 

"Sure am."

"Alright then. Go ahead and follow yesterday's plan and try to make some progress with Stress, but this time, avoid taking off the mask as much as possible." And with that, Grian nodded and took off in the direction of the cowmmercial district. He did his best to bury the morning's events in the back of his mind, but doing so proved to be quite difficult. When he arrived at the barge, Stress was already there waiting, but this time, someone was with her. As Grian got closer, he could hear their conversation and realized that the other hermit was Xisuma.

"-tell me sooner!?" The admin seemed angry.

"Look, I had to be cautious! I wasn't sure if one of the hermits would try to hurt him!" Stressed yelled back, obviously feeling, well, stressed.

"This is crucial! If he had been someone dangerous, what would you have done?"

"Please trust me when I say that you'll understand why I knew he wasn't. As soon as he shows up, you'll see!" Grian had landed already and was standing quietly to the side, but figured that then was as good of a time as any to speak up. He cleared his throat and the two squabbling hermits whirled around to face him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything?" He asked, trying his best to look as reasonable as he could in spite of his attire. Xisuma stared at him in shock, but not at the colorful clothing. Rather, he looked into his eyes and saw and felt exactly what Stress had felt when she first encountered him; the familiarity, the trustworthiness, and even a tiny hint of nostalgia.

"I… see what you mean…" the three stood there for a bit, until Grian broke the silence.

"So… did she tell you about her wish?" 

"Yeah… but she didn't say what it was. She said she had made a deal with you…" Grian nodded and explained some more.

"Yeah. All I ask for in return is information on the magic in the jungle." At his words, Xisuma planned his next move carefully.

"Why do you want that information?" He asked gently, and noticed that the eyes behind the mask drifted downwards.

"Something very… unfortunate has been done to my friend and I. We're doing what we can to reverse it." After hearing this, Xisuma was positive. He was so sure after hearing that there was another person like this one, that these people were the answers to the problems spanning the whole community.

"What's your name?" Xisuma saw the man visibly wince, as though the question had physically hurt him.

"I… genuinely wish I could tell you. All I can tell you is that I have the-"

"The ability to grant our heart's desire, yes I've heard the line." Stress was somewhat dismissive about how he dodged the question, but Xisuma learned why with her next sentence.

"If you want a name so badly, then give one to yourself! It might not be what name you were given, but I think a name chosen by you or your mysterious friend will be more personal than any other. That's why nicknames are so popular!" Stress surprised herself with her outburst, as well as the two standing in front of her. Grian himself wasn't sure how to process it, but he wasn't given much time before Xisuma spoke up again.

"Well, we need to call you something. What about bird?"

"I will be content with literally anything but that." 

"Alright, strong no on that one." Xisuma thought some more after the speedy rejection of his first idea. Stress suddenly chuckled and smiled slightly.

"Why not play off that line you keep repeating. "Heart's desire", right?" When she suggested it, Grian perked up.

"Oh that works out. See, our situation is pretty complicated. There's this voice that keeps commanding us to do things and it's pretty intent on me just being something that belongs to my friend. It calls me bird, so I really don't want you guys to call me that. But if you call my friend "Heart" and if I'm "Desire", then I'm literally "Heart's desire"! As much as I hate to be considered a belonging, the nickname should make the voice happy if it ever finds out about it. I'm just happy that it's something you guys suggested instead of that… thing." Grian explained in the best way he could, and the three decided to stick with the silly titles either until the issue was fixed, or a different nickname caught on.

"Also, before we tell you all that we've found, we recruited some extra help." Xisuma said, changing the subject. Grian tilted his head.

"Who?"

"A friend of ours named Etho. He's… got a way with loopholes. I told him to meet us here, so he should be here in a little bit. He's going to help us with the whole magic spell situation. I thought I'd introduce you two since I can't get much research done about the jungle, but I ran into X here and ended up spilling our deal." Stress said, looking slightly sheepish. Grian thought for a moment.

"Etho, huh?"

"Did I hear my name?" The voice came from very close to the group and all three hermits jumped and cried out at the sudden appearance. Lo and behold, standing there was the familiar masked face of Etho. 

"You're early!" Stress cried, a hand on her chest as she slowed her rapid breathing. Etho smiled with his eyes, innocently.

"Yeah, it sounded important so I got here early. Don't worry, you don't have to explain much; I've been listening for a while." His face returned to neutral.

"I'll help. Where do we start?"

[venusiandivination]

What is being hidden from you?

 The question I asked the tarot today is “What is being hidden from you?” A couple of messages that came out seemed to be more on the air of how you’re doing rather than what is being hidden, but nevertheless, here is your reading!

Click the “Keep Reading” tab and scroll to the pile that you chose to see your reading.

  Pile 1

I am sensing that you are out of balance, Pile 1. I feel as though you are not feeling much like you have control over your life and it is causing you to feel “out of whack.” With the Temperance and the Wheel of Fortune in reverse, there isn’t a sense of peace in your life – perhaps you just feel like you’ve been given a long stream of bad luck. This is due to external forces, so you can rest assured that it has nothing to do with you. This could mean many things, such as you are going through a lesson period that you have not quite made it through yet, and therefore feel as though everything has gone downhill because the Universe is trying to push you to learn your lesson. It could also mean that somebody is trying to keep you down. This doesn’t mean that you can’t fight it, though! I do feel this has more to do with karma to be repaid, however, because of the Six of Pentacles. This card always talks about being generous and forgiving – giving away to charity, helping those in need, and giving what you can to those who are less fortunate than you. It is possible to pull yourself out of this funk by giving back. I also pulled Capricorn, which speaks of ambition and goal-setting. Perhaps you need to sit down and figure out how you’re going to pull yourself out? Strive to be a better person, and the Universe will reward you. I also pulled Uranus, which talks of sudden transformation, much like The Tower card. Typically, these cards show up when something sudden is going to happen and break down everything you know as it is to create and rebuild something better. I believe that you, yourself, need to be the genius behind this transformation. Use Capricorns wisdom to really plan out how you’re going to do better and break down everything that isn’t serving you. Uranus is pushing you to be the brains behind the fallout. Regardless if you are not in control of what is happening in your life, this is your reminder that you ARE in control of 1. How you react to these external forces and 2. What you do to try and change your circumstances.

  Pile 2

I feel like your emotions are being put on the backburner here, Pile 2. I am getting that maybe you tried put your toe in the water of love and were left out in the cold, perhaps. Ace of Cups and Five of Pentacles tell me that you were in the bliss of something emotionally driven, and suddenly it was yanked out from underneath you and gave way to an ignorance about your feelings. I pulled The Lovers as well, which is a very good sign. This can indicate a soulmate connection, however, I feel in this context it is just reminding you that there will be more love to come. It’s not over yet! If this emotionally driven situation was not relationship-related, then I feel The Lovers are going to ask you to make a decision soon. Whatever it is that you are ignoring is going to demand an answer – although The Lovers feels like a soft, sort of mushy card, it is still part of the Major Arcana. I pulled Cancer, which also indicates that you have been pushing your feelings aside regarding this matter and trying to ignore it. Cancers love being in partnership – they quite literally love love – and you are going to have to face love eventually. You aren’t going to be able to put it off and hide from it forever! I also pulled Chiron, which can be a kind of difficult healing. You heal, but in a very intense way. Chiron is all about facing yourself, realizing all of the ugly parts of you to dig deep and heal those wounds. Your Shadow Self is always appearing in every decision you make, so maybe recognize those traits that you are suppressing and work out the kinks to become the best you – then see your dreams realized.

Pile 3

I’m getting a very defeated feeling here with the Seven of Wands reversed and the Three of Swords. I feel as though you have had to grieve something recently, and it’s completely taken the wind out of you. You’ve basically given up. This could be a relationship, the loss of a loved one (whether in death or a non-romantic break-up,) or even perhaps the loss of a job you really liked, or the end to career you thought you wanted. I’m sensing that this has been extremely difficult for you, so much so that I even want to say I’m sorry. I think you have really been defeated by this situation. I’m not getting the sense that you’re unsure of where to go, more unsure that you WANT to go. But unfortunately, tarot is always here to help you, whether you like it or not. I pulled the Four of Pentacles reversed, which is all about letting go of situations and moving forward. The Four of Pentacles upright describes a greedy, selfish person. Reversed, it’s all about being open to new things and lightheartedly going where life takes us. The oracle I pulled for you are Aquarius, which is the sign of humanitarianism. “I Know” is written across the front of the card, and I feel that is where this is leading – You KNOW it’s time to stop grieving. You KNOW it’s time to let go and move on. I also pulled Mercury Retrograde, which is all about reinvention! During a Mercury Retrograde, we typically aren’t ourselves – our words get jumbled and we feel like we’re glitching in the Matrix. I feel like this is where you are now, right in the middle of an unexpected failure. But when Mercury goes direct, we don’t continue those mishaps and mistakes. We get up and fix what needs to be fixed, and we move on. Find the motivation and get up, because you’re only as good as your next move.

Pile 4

The only thing I really want to start off with looking at all of these cards as a whole, is how freaking powerful of a person you are, Pile 4. You are K-I-L-L-I-N-G it. I believe what is hidden from you IS this power. You’re not aware that you are a badass. Perhaps with the Magician reversed, you are aware but not using it wisely. That will not be the case for most of you, however, with the Empress seated right next to him. Perhaps someone in your life is manipulative and trying to keep you from seeing your own worth. However, I believe you are owning your feminine side, creating and manifesting everything around you whether you know it or not, and despite any attempt at pushing you down. I also pulled The Sun for you, meaning positivity at it’s highest in a tarot deck, and the absolute best of life to come. Perhaps you are working hard toward something right now, as I pulled Taurus, all about material possessions and what is in the bank account. Whether that be working overtime to afford a car or just have a little extra cushion in the bank account in case you decide you need something down the line. Whatever it is, you are on the right path with North Node. The North Node is all about life’s path forward, going more toward the North Node in this lifetime to get away from the South Node of your past lifetimes. North Node is THE lesson you should be learning, and I feel as though you have it down pat.

Pile 5

With the World and the Hermit reversed, I feel a lot of stagnation and loneliness, Pile 5. You are not feeling like you’re getting anywhere with whatever it is that you’re trying to accomplish. Perhaps the state of world currently has you on edge and is truly getting to your state of mind. The Five of Wands reversed lets me know that the battle is going to be short-lived. However long you have been feeling this way, you’re going to come out on top soon. A solution to your worries is coming quickly, and you’re going to get out of this rut to realize the true potential of the World at its most powerful – success and accomplishment. Perhaps you’ve already come across the solution and it is just hidden to you, as would be the namesake of this reading. For your oracle I pulled the Twelfth House, which is generally about our subconscious. The unknown part of us lives in the Twelfth house. Those mannerisms that we are unaware of and can let take over us without really being aware it’s happening. Look to your chart and see what sign lies in the Twelfth house – perhaps it is Leo, where your ego is almost nonexistent, or Libra, where we learn to balance ourselves. Perhaps this will give you the push you have been needing. I also pulled Scorpio, the dark sign of transformation that is ruled by Pluto. This sign is about death, taxes, and those darker parts of life that are necessary to see the better parts. I feel as though the transformation is coming soon, along with the Five of Wands reversed. The recommendation here is to let your desires be known, outwardly and to yourself. Perhaps you are not really sure why you’re in this rut, but a little but of inward reflection will tell you exactly where you want to be, and pushing this desire into the Universe will make it happen!