#until last night when my mom reminded me 😭

[e77y]

Sometimes cooking in a 90 degree car is good for the soul (it’s not) (I’m just trying to save gas bc I wanted to sit in my car instead of the library)

[chaengluva]

hiii what about a regina x reader where they were childhood best friends but reader moves away. but reader moves back and goes to north shore and unfortunately sees regina acting like a bitch to someone and feels disgusted that regina turned out that way. happy ending though if that’s possible😭 idk if that makes sense😭

Childhood

Regina x Fem!Reader

I published this on wattpad ages ago and completely forgot about the request, IM SO SORRY.

I don’t know if i wrote this the exact way you wanted, so i tried my best, let me know if you want a part two.

Warnings: Mention of bullying, slight angst, nothing much more

You stare out your bedroom window, looking at the driveway of the house across the road. You begin to get bored as you have been waiting for the past hour for your best friend to come back. She had been gone for weeks, and you miss her so much. You spend every day together, talking, playing, and walking to school together (with your parents, of course).

That wasn't the point; the point was that you missed your best friend and were sick of waiting. "Mommy!" You whine, crawling downstairs to see your mom, cleaning up the kitchen. "Mommy, when is she coming back?" You ask, tugging at your mom's shirt. "I'm sorry, sweetheart; I don't know. But I'm sure she'll be back soon," your mom replies, giving you a reassuring smile. You sigh, feeling a mixture of impatience and excitement at the thought of finally reuniting with your best friend after what felt like an eternity. 

You decide to go back to your room and continue waiting, hoping that she'll come back any minute now.

Regina's family had left for a road trip a few weeks ago, and when you called her on your mom's phone last night, she said she would be back for your birthday, but it was 11 a.m. and she wasn't there, and your party is at 1 p.m. 

You start to feel a pang of worry creep up inside you. What if something had happened on their trip? What if Regina couldn't make it back in time for your birthday party? You try to push these negative thoughts out of your mind, reminding yourself that Regina is a reliable and responsible person.

As the minutes tick by, you can't help but keep checking the clock, hoping to see her familiar face walk through the front door any moment now.

Meanwhile, Regina and her family are in the car.

"Mom! Are we there yet?" Regina whined, asking the same question for the hundredth time. Regina reserved the same answer: "Not yet, baby." Her mom said it with a frown. Regina's heart sank as she glanced at the time on her phone, realising just how late they were running.

She couldn't shake the guilt of potentially missing her friend's birthday party. Her mom exchanged a worried glance with her dad, silently hoping they would make it in time. Regina tried to distract herself by imagining the smile on her friend's face when she finally arrived, but the sinking feeling in her stomach wouldn't go away.

Regina rolled her eyes. "Mom! It's Y/N's birthday! She was there for my 8th birthday." Regina pleaded with tears falling down her eyes; she then felt the car come to a stop and say, "We are here." Regina's mom said. Regina happily jumped out of the car, running up to your house and knocking on the door. She didn't stop knocking until the door was opened.

"Regina!" An equally happy you on the other side of the door said excitedly, bringing the blonde inside and giving her a hug. The two of you stayed in the hug for a while; you missed each other so much. Your mom walked in when she heard the two of you planning to talk with Regina's mom. When she walked past Regina, her eyes went wide.

"Regina? Have you gotten taller again?" The young girl's face went red, and her eyes looked at the floor. "Mom! Don't say that!" you exclaimed. "It's okay, Y/N. I mean, you are short, and you will always be short, so I will always protect you." Regina reminds me, with a smile on her face.

The two of you rush up to your room. You jump on the bed, and Regina does the same after you. "Happy birthday," Regina said, pulling out a gift bag. You gasp, grabbing the bag and opening it. Inside was a jelly cat bunny and a matching necklace to the one Regina was wearing. "Put it on me!" you say, and she smiles, putting it on you.

The people at the party started to come over. You had an amazing time, opened a lot of gifts, and ate a lot of cake. It was now 6 p.m., and everyone had left except for Regina and her mom. You and Regina were currently sitting on the couch, your heads in her lap, watching for Nemo.

"Regina! Y/n, Can you two come here?" You heard your mom's voice yell from the kitchen. You and Regina raced to the kitchen, smiling when they saw both your moms talking, but they didn't look happy.

"Can you please sit down?" Your mom asks, and you cluelessly both sit down next to each other, facing them. There was a small moment of silence before your mom spoke up, "Y/n, baby, I have some news." Your mom said quietly, and you listened closely, waiting for her to say something.

"We are moving tomorrow," she says.

You feel your heart break; you didn't want to be away from Regina; she was your best friend, and you couldn't survive without seeing her every day. "Houses? Schools? Or": You ask, tears starting to form. "Both, and states," your mom says. You look down and play with your figures, so annoyed with how she didn't tell you earlier.

The whole move happened so fast, and before you knew it, you were standing outside your house with your things backed away, holding the stuffed animal that Regina got you, and wearing the necklace.

She pulled you in for a hug. You stayed in her arms and cried. You didn't stop holding her until your mom said it was time to go. "We will see each other one day." Regina recalled, You nodded, walking into the car and saying goodbye, which could be for the last time.

~

Present Time

And you were moving back to your old state. The move to New York was good but your dad lost his job, he got a new one back where you used to live. You were slightly nervous that you would bump into people that you used to be friends with, mainly Regina.

You were nervous as you looked at your new school, moving into a new school in senior year was interesting but you couldn't really do anything about it. You walk inside the school and immediately feel out of place, like you don't belong.

You walk inside into a classroom that you think is your home room and the first thing you see is a girl dressed in all black, sitting on a table, with her feet up on an empty table beside her, you look at her for a second and you gasp when you realise who it is.

You walk up to her with a smile on your face, "Regina! Oh my god! It's been so long!" You exclaim, moving to sit next to her, she rolls her eyes at you, not moving her feet from the desk you were sitting at.

"Do I know you?" She asks, voice bitter, not sweet and caring like you remembered, "Yeah, we used to be friends-" you start but she cuts you off, "First off all, It was a rhetorical question, dumbass, second of all, I would never be friends with you." You frown at her words and get up and move from the desk, you were worried that you had mistaken her for someone else.

You later found out that it was Regina, you found out that she was a bitch, she was a bully and treated the whole school like shit.

But that was your old best friend and you were going to prove it to her, and you knew exactly how to do it.

It was lunch time and you walked into the cafeteria, you walked past everyone and they stared at you as you walked to the plastics table.

Regina started up at you as she felt your presence, she was about to tell you to fuck off but you beat her to it, you throw the necklace that she got you 9 years ago, for your birthday and she looked at it for a few seconds before she finally realised who you were. She stood up and grabbed your hand.

"Y/n." She whispered. 

[h-hollieskz]

BE GOOD

introduction | masterlist

->pairing: sub seungmin x dom gn reader

->word count: 1000+

->synopsis: your desperate pup just couldn’t wait until you got home

->tw: briefly mentioned edging?, fingering (m), slapping, crying (men crying is my ultimate weakness 😔), you call seungmin pup n stuff and he wears puppy ears and a collar, ties his wrists, overstimulation, ruined orgasm?, aftercare sorta, sry if I missed anything

->authors note: I hate it :)

Buzz

Your phone buzzed from your pocket and you saw it was your boyfriend, Seungmin, but you ignored it returning to your conversation. It was only when you heard the second ping, that your hand began to snake to your pocket to retrieve your phone once more.

You opened the notifications, rolling your eyes when you saw what he had wrote.

Please come back.

You can’t leave me here like this.

He couldn’t even let you go out with your friends for more than a few hours before he was spamming you with messages. He’s so clingy.

Buzz

Please

Buzz

I’m begging you

Buzz

I need you

Buzz

😭

“I’m sorry-“ you apologised to your friends who had paused whilst you read the texts. “It’s nothing carry on.”

Buzz

Why did you leave me on read?

Your finger pressed the silent button.

Pleeeease

It’s your fault I’m like this anyway :(

You’re the one who told me I couldn’t cum last night :((((((

Your eyes scan his messages, choosing once again to ignore him. He can wait a few more hours surely.

☆☆☆☆☆

As you arrive back home, you take off your shoes at the door, plopping your bag on the kitchen table. You pull out a chair, sitting down to check your messages. Two texts from your mom, and a staggering 32 texts and 3 missed calls from your boyfriend. You barely bother to check each individual message, but one draws your attention. It isn’t a text at all. It's a video.

It was sent almost an hour ago, a pathetic 3 minute video of Seungmin fucking his pillow. You can’t deny how his gasps and whimpers turn you on and it suddenly reminds you of something. You haven’t seen him yet- where is he?

You press your ear up against your bedroom door barely hearing the tiny moans coming from the other side. Cracking open the door very slightly, you catch a glimpse of Seungmin, lying on your bed. His legs were wide open, one hand desperately pumping his cock, the other with 2 fingers knuckle deep in his ass. There was one thing however that you couldn’t take your eyes off. He was wearing his collar and brown, floppy ears you had bought him. Such a cutie.

You tut slowly, making a big deal of pushing open the door, relishing in how his eyes widen. He jumps at the sight of you, spilling all over his stomach for what can’t be the first time. He hastily grabs a pillow, trying to cover himself, face flushed red.

“So shy pup? You weren’t like this in that little video you decided to send me earlier.” You raise your eyebrows.

Seungmin stutters slightly, trying to come up with an explanation. “I-uh. It- it’s”

“Hm?” You press. “And what’s this? I thought I told you this morning. No touching whilst I’m out.” As you get closer, you pull the pillow away from where he hugs it to his chest. His angry red dick presses up against his toned stomach- covered in various fluids- and his cheeks only burn a deeper crimson as you crouch down in front of him. “Don’t ignore me Minnie. I want an answer.”

He bites his lip before answering, “It’s not my fault.” A tear slips down his cheek and you wipe it away with your thumb. “I couldn’t hold back any more.” He whispered.

“That’s okay pup, I understand. But you understand you have to be punished for this- don’t you?”

Seungmin whimpers, “I under-“ You don’t let him finish his sentence, landing a harsh slap on his left cheek. His face contorts with pain, but his dick gives him away, twitching as you make impact.

“Puppies don’t talk Minnie, lie down.”

You wait for him to lie back down on your bed before you get up to retrieve the box from your closet. Out of it, you pull a length of pink ribbon and a wand vibrator. As Seungmin sees, he lets out the most adorable sound.

“Colour Seungmin?”

“Green.” He whimpers.

“Good puppy, I’m going to tie your wrists to the bed frame okay?” With his eyes scrunched shut, your boyfriend nods, lifting his arms off the mattress to help you.

When you finish, tying it off with a bow, you crawl back to admire your work.

“You look so pretty like this Minnie.” Seungmin gasps beneath you as you press your finger against his softening dick. He looks so overstimulated. “How many times did you cum before I got home puppy? You can speak.”

“Th-three.”

“Oh you little whore.” You remark. “Does this hurt?” You grip his cock tightly, slowly but firmly beginning to jerk him off.

He nods softly.

“Good.”

You turn on the vibrator and he flinches at the low buzzing. He squirms as you start at his balls- teasing him before moving further up his length. His back arches and he strains against the ribbon, legs starting to kick as it gets higher and higher. You pin him down by sitting on his legs, straddling him as he keeps trying to escape. As you reach his angry-looking tip he finally loses it.

“N-nghh” he whines as he feels himself getting hard again. Tears are falling freely by now, staining his pretty face as he gets closer and closer to the edge.

“You look so pretty like this, my adorable little puppy.” Drool slips from his parted lips as you continue your mean teasing, occasionally switching to play with his sensitive nipples.

“Are you going to cum again pup?” You ask coyly, smirking at his pained whimpers as he nods his head desperately. “Okay then, cum for me Minnie.”

Seungmin’s mouth forms an ‘o’ as clear liquid splatters against his chest, a scream-like sound escaping his mouth. He shakes uncontrollably as he comes down from his high.

When he’s done you quickly turn off the vibrator, going to untie his wrists from the ribbon he’s been pulling at. You pull him in your arms, fingers brushing through his sweat-soaked hair.

“You did good baby.” You praise, stroking his soft puppy ears as Seungmin buries himself in your embrace

It’s not my fault the voices told me to write it

[zweiginator]

CORRUPTION KINK IS MY FAVORITE EVERRRRR😭😭😭😭 you don’t understand how much i love this small town series im gnawing at my furniture

you had no idea something so wrong could be so addicting. before this, the worst thing you had ever done, the furthest you had strayed from god was staying out past curfew--to get ice cream with your friends. your father grounded you for a week and took your phone too.

if he knew you had just given patrick--the supposed golden boy, your tennis coach--a handjob, he would disown you. it scares you to even think about. but patrick's forehead is warm against yours and he moans into your mouth one last time as he coats your hand. his abdomen. it's warm and sticky. a pearly white. in your innocent mind, it reminds you of frosting cinnamon rolls with your mom before church.

patrick praised you the whole time. good girl. just like that. fuck, yes.

hearing his voice, desperate and breathless, felt better than obeying the lord.

patrick drives you home. he presses a chaste kiss to your hand, your lips, your forehead. and he waits for you to sneak back in, for your bedroom light to flicker on. he leaves and you find it hard to get any sleep that night. a whirlwind of guilt snowballs in your gut. you feel nauseated. you also miss patrick already. you'll have to wait until sunday. you think about how much you want to confess. bile rises in your throat when you remember how it all must remain unsaid. your special secret.

you wake up early for church. at 6 instead of 7. you make your hair perfect and roll the lint off your favorite dress. spritz an extra dose of perfume on your neck where patrick likes to nuzzle into you and whisper filthy promises.

you're surprised, when you get there, to see your mother rushing to sit in the pew where patrick's parents are. your father shakes their hands, apologizes for running late. but he has to get ready for the sermon. patrick and his sister sit in the pew behind them; he saved a spot for you with his suit jacket.

"you look gorgeous." patrick nuzzles his head into your neck and you look straight ahead, fighting back a smile. he wraps his leg around yours and pulls you closer to him. "i haven't stopped thinking about you."

his hand is strong as it grabs your wrist, placing your much smaller hand on his erection. you remember the soft skin of him, how it felt to stroke him in your hand. how dirty you felt. how you wanted to stop but every time patrick said faster you went faster. you'd do whatever he asked.

you cough to cover your whimper, but your hand stays on patrick's cock. you rub him up and down and watch him get harder, bigger. patrick's left hand grips the pew and his veins protrude, pulsing.

your heart beats faster because patrick's sister is sitting right next to you. her hands are folded in her lap as she listens to your father talk about sin. evil, evil sin. how we must repent and stay away from devilish desires.

"i'd bury my cock so fucking far into your virgin pussy right now if you'd let me." patrick licks against your ear. you stop stroking him. a squeak leaves your mouth. your body feels like it's scorching, a thousand degrees. you swallow.

"what are you doing?" patrick's sister furrows her brow and you realize your hand is gripping patrick's thigh so tight you're wrinkling his trousers.

you tear it away.

"pay attention." patrick nods his head to the stage. unfazed.

you cross your legs for the rest of the sermon and patrick looks smug, his jaw popping in and out as he works to hold back the smirk that almost looks as if it's trying to crawl out from between his lips.

swallowing, you sit up straighter and repeat your prayers in your head. you beg for forgiveness until your father closes the heavy bible on his podium and the bustle of mingling churchgoers snaps you out of it. you promise god that you're a good person, you really are. you plead for him to absolve you of your sin--but you don't promise not to do it again.

[snowandwolves]

hi hello! tis the lengthy ask anon back after a length of time. it is now ... wow almost the end of march. why is time like this?!? how has this first quarter of the year been for you? got some crispy lettuce? and rest??

it's been a rollercoaster for me and tbh there were some days when i couldn't read the lighthouse au because it just cut too deep, does that make sense? but things are a bit better now, so i'm back with questions! as always, feel free to skip whatever of these don't bring joy <3

do you think suzanne would ever entertain tours of the lighthouse? does she already?

during that dinner they all had together and mary and ava went out, do you have an idea of how that talk between bea and lil (with cam mediating? eating popcorn?) would've gone? (also i still love that transition: "Everything's fine. — everything is, in fact, not fine.")

how often does ava bring up the "topping" mistake? and how often do does she make them have ice cream so can talk about topping(s) in general?

had bea called suzanne mom before ava said it?

during their time apart, do you have an idea of a moment or two when bea missed ava?

what was the most played song on that playlist you mentioned?

how'd you come up with the title btw? also did you find it easy to come up with a title?

hope spring brings some good things for you!

end of… march… lengthy ask anon, i am so genuinely sorry it’s taken me this long to respond to this 😭 i was dying from summer, got awfully sick twice, and weathered a few life events akdbskd so i guess that answers how the past quarter(s) have been for me 💀 in between, i did get crispy lettuce, some truly jaw-dropping sunsets (i saw iridescent clouds for the first time in my life and deadass sobbed in the middle of the street), and somehow made it through things. i’m still alive and grateful i’m alive 😂

but ok, questions!

1. i’m not sure about that one actually, with her hip and all. but i’m thinking it’d be ava’s great idea that she’ll regret pitching bec who else is supposed to help suzanne and bea set up tours and stuff? 😂 then she’ll, ofc, sign up to be a tour guide, in which case bea will catch her showing off the leather strips in the everything-shed and promptly marching over to cut off whatever unholy thing ava was gonna say about them 💀

2. that talk would’ve been heated, to say the least. i was thinking lilith is the type of person who holds on tight to the people she lets in and bea could misinterpret that as something controlling bec of her childhood. they’d say almost-hurtful things until lilith spits it out for her: “i’m not stopping you from trying to live your life. i’m just asking you to stay, too. i’m worried, and—afraid.” to which bea would pause, look at her friend as her friend and not as a reminder of people she’s not, and say: “i’m not going to forget you, lilith. i’m not going to love you any less than i do now. and if you think that i’m leaving and never coming back here, then think again. this is my home. you’re part of the home that i chose.”

3. SO THIS IS GOLD 😂 what if it’s winter a year later and ava wants ice cream because “i feel like i haven’t reminded you about topping in a while” and bea’s like “must you remind me? after last night?” and ava’s like “if it gets you to blush or gets me a repeat performance, yeah. win-win.”

4. slip of the tongue. unacknowledged but known, you are my mom, and you are my daughter. something allowed and welcomed and only told by the face suzanne makes every time bea says it 🥺

5. bea tries to read a book during her appointed time for a break. her thoughts catch up to her, the way they couldn’t when she was busy thinking about generators and weather reports. and she sits there, open book on her lap, gaze worlds away, trying to sink into the quiet and wondering why it isn’t as peaceful as she remembers it being, before ava came and made a habit out of asking her to read out loud. she cries, just a little. of course, she does.

6. oh gOD. there were so many honestly. i’ll do a top five because it would be a crime to pick 😂 Far From Here by Emmit Fenn (bec i love the intro and the vibes), Silence by Before You Exit (for all of the soft avatrice scenes), Calme by Ever So Blue (for all the quieter, more tender scenes), What a Wonderful World by Reuben and the Dark and AG (this version specifically for the whole storm scene), and Rein You In by TENDER (for the horny) 💀

7. NO, I DID NOT FIND IT EASY TO COME UP WITH A TITLE OR ANY OF THE SOUL-EXTRACTING AO3 ASKED OF ME BEFORE I CAN EVEN POST THE FIRST CHAPTER 😭 i think i was trying to figure out how to relate it to the lighthouse and ava’s journey. it’s honestly longer than my usual titles but at that point, i’d agonized over everything else AO3 wanted that i was just like “fuck it i can’t think about this anymore” 😂

lengthy ask anon, i’m gonna try to respond to your other asks slowly 💀 i’m still sorry it’s taken me so long and please know that i waited to answer these because i wanted to be fully present for it. these still bring me joy, and i appreciate you for it. i hope you’ve been doing alright, that this quarter isn’t as difficult as the others 🥹💙

[sanjuwrites]

seven sentence sunday

thanks to @bonheur-cafe, @lemonlyman-dotcom, @alrightbuckaroo, @inflarescent, @chaotictarlos, @theghostofashton and @detective-giggles!

the day that one of these is actually seven sentences is the day that i learn self-control (which is never <3)

i actually did not know this existed because i wrote this wasted last night and had no recollection until neha reminded me of it 😭😭

“Politics hasn’t been my dream for almost twelve years, sweetheart,” Alex says softly, not really making eye contact with Henry.

“Alex, I know what happened with Richards and the emails was brutal, but we have nothing holding us back like that anymore and –”

“It’s not Richards, Hen, it’s you.”

That stops Henry cold, and he looks at Alex, mouth open in shock. “What do you mean?” Alex stays quiet, and Henry pushes further. “Alex, what do you mean?”

Alex continues to avoid eye contact with Henry as he starts talking again. “That night I came to Kensington Palace, you told me you wouldn’t trade one prison for another. You’re barely free from the Crown, Henry, and I don’t want to drag you into the circus of American politics, not when you hated being in the public eye so much, to the point that it almost cost me you. I refuse to let anything cost me you again, so I put all my dreams in a little box and locked it away, because I would rather live a quiet life with you and immigration law than a loud one alone in Congress. I was wine drunk at one of Mom’s fundraisers when I was talking to Erica about wanting to flip Texas again, and I didn’t think it would ever really come up again.”

Henry doesn’t answer, grabbing Alex’s face between his hands and pressing a featherlight kiss to his lips before resting their foreheads together. “Love, I didn’t realize you had that in the back of your mind, and that this was what is stopping you from entering politics. Listen to me,” he says, moving them so he’s looking at Alex eye to eye, “nothing is going to stop me from spending the rest of my goddamn life with you. You could lose your job, become a house husband, or go on to become the president of the United States, and I would not care.” Henry takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. “Do you want this, Alex? Like without the influence of anything else, deep down, do you want this? Do you want to run?”

it's late, but i'm gonna tag @welcometololaland, @rmd-writes, @rosedavid, @mikibwrites and @hoko-onchi-writes!

[jayspire]

Hi! Im a new person here on tumblr. This blog is to show you my journey, and to help others if I can. Today Im going to list things I’m going to manifest, how, and I will recount as we go I will also post my results. I’m very familiar with the LOA so if you have any questions you can ask and I’ll respond as soon as I can. But this works two ways. If I ever say something u don’t agree with feel free to correct me I might also occasionally ask questions as well. Now I’m going to share a success story I had in 7th grade.

At this time I heard of manifesting. It was December and I was just sick of school. So utterly sick I wanted to never come back. And I don’t know what made me do this but I would literally go “you know what I’m not going to school. For a whole MONTH!” And I kept saying this to everyone. I didn’t know what I was doing like I still went to school everyday but I didn’t think about it I think I was joking around but I was so sour it seemed real. Anyway i got appendicitis 💀. And I stayed home for a month 💀. I didn’t connect this to manifesting bc it seemed like a coincidence and I had been having stomach pain + frequent hospital trips for a few months so it was like it already happened. Anyway I went back to school and my home room teacher was my English teacher. And in English we had this thing where we wrote a book entry everyday and after two weeks we turned them in. Now I was always on time with this but since I was sick I didn’t do mine and procrastinated on it even when I went back to school. So the Friday I woke up and figured she’d check them I was so scared it was the due date. But again idk what possessed me but I woke up somehow knowing she wouldn’t come to school that even though she never skips Fridays. I told my mom, my cousin, my friend up until I reached her door I literally said “she’s not here today see”, I wasn’t even at the door how did I know.

I turned out she fell down some stairs and didn’t return for the rest of the year. The guilt ate me up. I confessed 😭. I told my friends it was me. She was already over weight and I was so worried. I did this with my math teacher when I didn’t do the hw but she always came back. From that day manifesting scared me. I didn’t use subs, meditations or anything I just knew in a disregarding way?? Xx

Now I want to post about my journey bc I’ve grown since then. I want to manifest waking up in the void every night completely aware. As soon as I become unaware of my 3d reality I become aware of the void. Technically we are the void. Idk if I want to do this how I did before because when manifesting appendicitis it took a month, but when manifesting my teacher not being there it took one morning. All I know is the common factor is the feeling of know. Actually it was more of an attitude. So what I’m going to do is :

1. Pick an aff or a few I’ll list them. I don’t like robotic affirmations bc why I affirm if I already have it. I’ll only use robotic affirmation when I’m in doubt otherwise I’ll just remind myself occasionally how I already go into the void every night and how it’s so great. Even in doubt b4 resorting to that I’ll listen to subs or meditation.

2. Know it’s going to happen because why wouldn’t it. Know it happened.

3. I like meditation so I’m going to use that. It makes my body buzz. There’s this creator on her who makes affirmation tapes @adambja and she has this tape the peaked my curiosity its on her page you don’t have to dm her it’s called just another tape. It’s so cool I only tried it three times so far. The last two I got interrupted by my family tapping me awake I try so hard to do this in private 😭. But don’t worry if you can’t like me meditating normally also helps I thought it was a waste of time the first week but after a while I loved it made me so detached.

So just to clear this up if in doubt I will use subs or meditate, I know I go into the void every night, I will also meditate normally bc it’s so great and strengthens you before you go into doubt, and here are affs I will use:

“I wake up in the void every night aware”

“I become aware of the void every night”

“I’ve mastered the void”

OMG BEFORE I FORGET

There’s a creator on here I think Maya or Mara I’ll double check who introduced me to morphia energy fields. I don’t know much about this but she made a challenge of using them and I will at her in the comments bc I want to try this for more information on what this is you can go to her blog to see. That’s all again I will post my results 👋

[crguang]

ok honestly im kinda done w genshin atp, like the story is okay, the whitewashing tho is pissing me off tho, um idk, i like the game play, and also i gotta get to sneznaya or wtv when that comes out. and did u just not like the sumeru characters bc more of them are men.../j i still dont have yelan or arle very sad...they're like top 10 genshin characters for me, i was too broke to pull for them when they were running

ALSO that's not what i meant abt natasha, like as a character shes good and i like her, and her story is good, i dont dislike her, what i meant is that i cant be attracted to her, like idk...bc all the stuff u listed i should like her, so like idk. i dont skip story, i did her sq, so maybe it is just the fact that shes a doctor, like that was how she was presented at first and i just cant look past it ok... my mom was a doctor so i just cant...my mommy issues strike again, and i just dont rlly like doctors in general havent had good experiences w them before, so i cant be attracted to one...idk, like ik shes like way more than that. and i did get a few adds for her so its prob that as well that kind messed with my perception of her at the beginning, the only hsr adds i every got continously was kafkas trailer.

tbh i shouldve realized i liked women when i saw kafka dragging her fingers across a wall wish i was that wall with like her voice in the background and that was what made me decide to play the game. they know what they're doing...

speaking of which i got her other two messages, shes ridiculous, like i cant believe she can just go to a movie theater like that, and her checking up on you...i did scream. shes pathetic... honestly her being into phycological thrillers makes sm sense, so she was def seeing one of those. and i think shes exposing herself bc of both of the reasons you listed (also like it being on a burner acc incase she gets rejected...i obviously wasnt mean to her tho).

honestly im just shy sat okay...thats why im an anon, but it is funny, since we're all reading ur smut, and thirsting over everyone together.

i did sleep i promise, i dont really like taking medicine, again doctor stuff, but i'll been taking some melatonin bc last night it took be 3 and a half hours to sleep and ive been drinking tea and stuff, but ill be going to sleep after this. wish me luck.

-🌠

i also wanted to last until snezhnaya like i remember a few years ago when the first fatui trailer dropped after inazuma and my entire timeline went crazyyyy, people who didn’t play the game anymore got back into it just for the fatui like they really united everyone… but since the characters and stories dont do anything for me now i personally never feel like playing. and yes i actually was so bored with sumeru because im not interested in men at all dhfjgkgk but also the whitewashing there pissed me off and how they nerfed dehya and made her a horrible standard character was so annoying like i didnt pull for a single sumeru character 😭 arle/yelan is an insane duo, my yelan is great cause shes been my main for years so she doesn’t need anyone but adding arle is just cheating fr. look at my favs beefing (clorinde was there for the friendship points😪)

i thought you disliked nat because you said your friend thought you disliked her bc she was a doctor, but it makes sense if you’ve had bad experiences with healthcare professionals and are reminded of them when you see doctors. personally i love when people who work in healthcare actually care about the patients they have because it’s quite literally life saving and sooo many of them dont give a fuck, that’s why i adore natasha a lot. it’s totally fine if you’re not attracted to her, you don’t have to be!

kafka’s trailer changed my brain chemistry and i can recite it by heart from how often ive watched it. they definitely knew what they were doing especially with these shots like can i please be that guy… i’ll take the bullet too idgaf. AND YES THE MOVIE THEATER SHES SUCH A LOSERRR, THE “my life is an action movie btw lol haha” when the tb says they like action films is so ridiculous. i need to look up her other answers but when she said the action movies lacked immersion i pat myself on the back for writing that she likes psychological thrillers over horror or any other genre like i know her for real… im literally inside her head.

im glad youre sleeping even if it takes a little while!! hopefully your internal clock stops messing woth you and allows you to get some good rest

[lettucedloophole]

possibly the worst part of family vacations is seeing how my younger cousins are treated. my mom has since grown but she said our younger cousins remind her of us and man... at breakfast today my mom was showing my Four Year Old Cousin pictures she took during the vacation while smiling. there was a picture of his dad choking him (""jokingly"" i think?) and he said "i'm going to choke my dad by myself" and the other people at the table were like "that's so violent why would he say that :(" but when told its bc his dad was choking him they laughed... his mom was nonchalant abt it.

parents talk casually about when they accidentally hit their kids into furniture or halfway across the room when they just meant to do a little, "deserved" smack of discipline. heard another story like this during vacation, and it reminds me of the time my dad pulled my brother's hair while they were asleep and he started crying in class. he told the guidance counselor what happened and cps was supposed to come, but they never did. wouldn't have changed anything. my dad was pissed off about it but tried to play it off like he'd take their objective investigation.

those little brown kids are going to have to heal. i may be traumatized, but i feel like i was relatively safe as my dad was a softer person when i was younger. my uncle, my young cousins' dad, struggled with ptsd and he's better now but hasn't learned not to treat your kids like that. i wonder if my discomfort is obvious. i worry a little as the dad is the one who's a traumatized vet and republican (though not a crazy bigoted one), just because when my mom was traumatized by the military that meant abuse for my brothers and me. i hope the happiness of his marriage and healing shields his children from some of that treatment.

it's just sad cause they think they're being funny but it's just so...

my fam was stressed about cleaning up the airbnb we were staying in, it was about 11 at night and i was at the mall so i didn't get to try out the pool. it was no biggie, but i figured i could just go in at night. my aunt said no bc of quiet hrs, which is fine, i didn't know they had that in place around here, but she said she'd beat me if i snuck out and my aunt is the kind one and like Girl... i am 21 years old 😭

but i don't think i'm going to be an adult in samoan culture for a while now, and even if i am the elders will always trump me. it reminds me of how my cousin was beaten by her father because he lost some money he put in his lavalava (it's a samoan article of clothing, an EASY FUCKING THING to lose money you tuck into it) and thought she stole it based on one experience years ago. like, with a belt and bruises, and she is a 25 year old woman. i learned about this on my last vacation, and my aunt, her mom, cried and yelled at her father (and her brothers, who thought it was just fair that she was beaten). my mom offered to have her stay with us... it's been months, i checked in to how she's doing recently and she's forgiven her father, so my mom and auntie have too. i will not.

what can i do. i hope they cut contact with their parents until they change like i did, and i hope that works for them. or i hope their parents find jesus in a different sense and adopt nonviolent parenting. fruitless wish, the last one, probably. my cousins seem to have a twinge of sadness to them. the cheeriest one was downcast when we said our goodbyes, and i wonder if it's because it marks a return to normalcy where aunties who "coddle" kids will stop them from getting hit, be patient with them, or comfort them after it happens. what can you do.

[misc-obeyme]

I'm with everyone else on my first thought being about you when i saw the new card 🤣 I'm debating if i should keep pulling bc i kindaaa want luci, but I'm not crazy for him y'know? I just like the art, but i have two copies of Barb so far

And yes, the last event I ended up finishing at 117 in rank. I haven't ranked this high in a while but my luck was great with the cards and it was the anniversary so i really wanted to be up there. I only go crazy and grind for the anniversary events, or if my fave is in the spotlight. This event i think I'll be chilling, I'm sure I can get all the cards by the last day

anyway how do you think everyone determined what foods are human safe for mc? Like has it just been learning from past humans trial and error?? Do they only use common ingredients?? Like mc DOES canonically eat devildom food (that one brain dish belphie likes is my first thought... Quetzacol...?) so idk??

they just have potions at the ready in case mc wants to try a new dish (i am an extremely picky eater but curiosity might beat me on trying food)

imagine if mc has dinner plans at purgatory hall or the castle and lets the brothers know in advance, and they get all excited to make a devildom dish that isn't human safe 💀

imagine craving something really bad for dinner that night, but mc can't have it. I could be bribed with takeout and ice cream if they want it that bad. Like "yes you can make this dish, but you are responsible for making sure mc eats". Reminds me of my mom making separate dishes for me and my brothers (usually non spicy ones)

Also the first day open at my new store was wild (i think we made $7000 in sales??), and trying to train everyone is hard. I think I'm possibly the favorite manager as well?? I'm the first one everyone seeks out when there's a problem 😭 But that might be because the majority of the team is the same age as me and feels more comfortable. Apparently I'm the 'chill' manager LMAO (I'm just anti social and tired). But this means I'm running around like crazy, I need a step counter at this point. My knees are dyinggg (our printer for online orders is on the second floor until we set up the portable one 💔)

anyway i hope you have a good day !! Or night !! i saw the post about barb/mammon and i was like "aw shit, another ship for me to be crazy about." BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A GOOD SHIP, I LOVE IT, OKAY BYEEE

- ✨ anon

LOL it means so much to me that so many people think of me when it comes to Barbatos cards!

No, I totally get it the art is so good! Lucifer also just looks good in those casual skateboard outfits!

OHHH nice!! Congrats on getting such a high rank! I sometimes get higher if I go hard in the beginning, but I usually don't maintain that lol!

Ah yes, quetzalcoatl brains. Belphie you little weirdo we love you. I think they are implying that this is some kinda snake, but Quetzalcoatl is an Aztec deity who sometimes takes the form of a feathered serpent. So it's kinda like, what even are quetzalcoatl brains?!? I'm going with the snake theory because nothing else makes sense.

But anyway, I assume part of is trial and error... I can't imagine they haven't tried out all kinds of things on Solomon and possibly other humans who somehow ended up in the Devildom. I mean it's not like you know how a whole different species is going to react to food until you feed it to them, right?

But they do seem to be aware of some things already, such as lunatic pudding and the golden hellfire newt syrup or whatever it's called. So if they know some stuff, then they must have had humans trying it before.

As for MC trying new stuff, I think it's probably okay. I mean they have seven demons at their disposal on a regular basis. And if the brothers can't fix whatever the problem is, I'm fairly certain Solomon or Barbatos (or both) could. I do think MC would be taking a risk with some things, but hopefully they have enough help and their own magical knowledge to help them out!

I personally would fall victim to all the suspicious dishes. I like to try everything, no matter what it is.

I kinda like the idea of the brothers being excited to have something not safe for humans when MC isn't around lol. Like that sounds adorable! They're all guys guys we can have bloody bat legs for dinner because we won't have to worry about them turning MC into a vampire!

I also like the idea of them just having different stuff. Like I would absolutely be like I don't care, have all the bloody bat legs you want, as long as I have something else that I can eat!

I've often thought about what human world dishes I'd make for them if I had to cook. I can make more elaborate things, but I tend to fall on my easy staples because... well, they're easy. You can be sure I'm making them fried eggs all the time. Maybe I'll even put them on some avocado toast! Maybe I'd make a Devildom variant with cockatrice eggs and uh... whatever the equivalent of an avocado would be. Bread seems to be the same? Hmm.

Wow congrats on the high sales!! Training can be tough for sure, especially in a group situation! I don't doubt that you are the favorite manager~ if they're seeking you out, it's definitely because they trust you to help them! Ah, but I hope your knees feel better soon...

Honestly, I'm amazed at how many people seem to be interested in the Mammon/Barbatos ship?? Here I thought I was the only one lol. I just really like to consider different characters together and the way their relationship could go... I find it fascinating...

I hope you have a lovely day/night as well!! 💕💕

[chipsncookies]

Ep 14 sorta review (copied on twt and i post this here since im shadowbanned on there 😢) pls excuse the grammar and the length i have too much thoughts

Ok i finally watched it with subs!! Now I understand things better.

First things first we have new reaction image

Roy's part is straightforward, im glad he's so supportive and helpful to wattrell, and eventually captured it. murdock giving him a pokeball to catch it is so sweet, he knew it was coming!! Also him and liko going shopping and having ice cream together is cute, and him thanking her for letting Dot make sandwich is heartwarming :'). But never thought his comment about wanting a certain spice will backfire...

In last ep i thought spinel was ready to act when he came out in disguise, but no he was still trying to gauge the rvt's strength. I wonder if he's trying to lull friede into a false sense of security since the signal problem has been addressed (speaking of friede, rant incoming)

Friede oh my gosh. after watching the ep i can't blame friede 100% since liko went to town on her own without company, but it's still irresponsible for friede to not tell his team what happened.

He knew something was wrong but he chose to ignore it in favour of focusing on takeoff. If he'd told the team about it they'd be on high alert and less likely to do things on their own. It reflects badly on friede's leadership (and cpt. Pikachu as well?). Him not telling liko he's hired by her mom was funny before but it's harmful now. And given how he just met liko's parents.. this stings more 😬

That said it's also a risky gamble for spinel to attack friede because what if friede is responsible and told his team to be on alert instead, did he know friede won't tell? 🤣 and Liko really need to be more careful, i think she's been under protection so much she got careless. If there's a silver lining i think this incident could be a learning opportunity for rvt, they've been getting Ws so much they got overconfident.

Onto Spinel, DID HE REALLY NEED TO ASK THIS?? THE AUDACITY?;"?#!'

He just love mocking people isn't he? Even in disguise his personality shows through 🤣😭 alternatively he could be making sure liko actually lost her memories, but knowing how smug he is it's hard not to read it that way.

He succeeded getting the pendant but it's clear he didn't care about liko, going as far as wiping her memories (he's being safe but it's overkill imo) and leaving her in levincia.

Did he not know the pendant won't activate without her?

He saw what happened back in arboliva forest since he's been spying on them, but it seems it didn't register to him (possible spinel L?). I think now is a good time to confirm if that testament is true.

Also reminder, it was amethio who made this observation and decided to get her along with the pendant, at the expense of his time and gibeon's patience (lol). He made this conclusion right as it happened. So both spi and ame have seen the pendant react to liko, but only ame made the connection (possible amethio W?). This also highlights amethio and spinel's difference, ame is more observant and will deviate from orders if he deems necessary, meanwhile spinel is more focused and follows orders as is. I love this tbh it makes them more interesting.

Liko's memories got wiped right after the ep where she reminisces and being thankful about her adventures and new friends feels kinda cruel lol, poor girl... Not only liko, sprigatito also lost its memories, but seeing the preview, they somehow stayed together until night and then they saw the moon together. This is a callback to the scene where she trained with sprigatito back in ep 1! I think this is an important milestone 🥹💖 i hope they remember.

Overall, it's insane how the story goes from high (roy helping wattrel and catching it) to low (likos pendant got stolen). We (or at least me) were on a rollercoaster of emotions the entire ep, it's amazing. Story-wise I love that this anime is constantly challenging the status quo by having the pendant actually got stolen and liko got attacked. It keeps me on the edge of my seat bc i don't know what to expect, because anything can happen!!

Ok i think I've finished talking abt ep 14 dang that was long🤣 That said, in next ep preview...

Is this spinel? Is spinel still there ?? I thought he leave already??? He's risking his position if he stayed there for long, what's stopping him from leaving already? He didn't need to worry about them finding liko anyway since she's not important to him, he already got the pendant so why is he preventing them from finding her? But maybe it's not spinel but someone else. Maybe even pokemon, we can never trust previews 100% lol.

The ep title doesn't really give a hint since apparently it focuses on Dot and quaxley? Iono will also appear, but I can't tell what's the correlation between the two, other than they're both influencers. They're definitely going to find liko, so maybe dot will ask for iono's help? Her gym test does revolve around looking for people after all. But 'someone getting in the way' makes me feel nervous.

That's all my thoughts, this was a great ep, explorers fans are fed well, see you next week!!

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

January 7th

Forgot to post!

This was a decent day until I got home and binged a little on chips. Overall, I don’t think it messed up my day/week too much. I did not log the chips 😂

I went out to lunch with M and did my best to make healthier choices. I got grilled fish and green beans, but still splurged on mashed potato’s. Dinner was at my parents and my mom had made fried flounder and squash casserole.

January 8

I didn’t calorie count because the whole day was just uncontrolled haha. We overslept, watched church at home, I made a bigger breakfast for us. Did some homework and then we went to Night of Worship at church and then Applebees for dinner so I could be more productive with school work.

Adding a read more thing because the rest is mental health sad stuff that I’m just processing

It feels like that cycle is happening where I’m falling behind wirh school so staying up late which causes me to oversleep and work late which causes me to fall behind in school…help! How do I stop it 😭😭

Also, I’m almost on my period so my moods are all over the place. Last month I didn’t feel as depressed, but this month I’m struggling to stay afloat. I know it’s hormonal, but it doesn’t make it feel any better. I hate how dark my thoughts get and I don’t know what to do about them. Even when I was in therapy, I was afraid to tell my therapist because I’m also not trying to get hospitalized over hormones.

Also, I’m almost on my period so my moods are all over the place. Last month I didn’t feel as depressed, but this month I’m struggling to stay afloat. I know it’s hormonal, but it doesn’t make it feel any better. I hate how dark my thoughts get and I don’t know what to do about them. Even when I was in therapy, I was afraid to tell my therapist because I’m also not trying to get hospitalized over hormones.

I was talking to my friend about it who reminded me that it’s definitely not normal to feel s***** for two weeks of the months, but I’m just not open to birth control again because every type I’ve tried has made me feel the same way anyway, just worse. There’s a nonhormonal IUD which is what my last gyno said she could do, but I’m scared. It’s not something that could be just taken out asap if I was getting those side effects again and it doesn’t seem worth the risk to me.

I think another treatment for the mood swings are anti depressants, so maybe I can try the psychiatrist again now that my finances are back on track.

Anyway. Here’s some happy things from last week to remind myself that life is really good right now and not at all what my hormones are trying to make me believe.

[autumn-foxfire]

I don’t know how many asks I may have sent about this, but it’s been refusing to leave my brain I keep reading it over and over in case I missed a detail, and I just cannot figure out where on earth Hawks’ secret home is??? The walls aren’t styled in any way I’ve seen suburban houses, OR apartments. It’s honestly kind of similar to some big gala like rooms, google images won’t give me any that match, but I’ve seen some in-person. The “doorknob” is just a steel rod, nobody builds houses like that

there is just something so incredibly sad about the way he walks in, so delicately the way he pushes the door open, one hand in his pocket, looking so down :( how dark and quiet it is. I haven’t seen normal people tired from work walk into their houses like this. This is a whole new level of tired and lonely, like another burden. That he isn’t coming home to relax or sleep for the night, but as a temporary lunch break before he goes back to work. Just another stop in the schedule only taken because he has to retire “Hawks” for the day, the work hours are over and he isn’t needed so he goes to hide away here, until you open up the cage doors, take the blanket off the doghouse the next morning and it’s back to the act. His life is literally like someone at those animal shows at amusement parts releasing their pet when it’s work time and shuffling them back inside when it’s not. And we KNOW Hori gave his mom a last name meaning “keep a mistreated pet” I swear if we find out he just sleeps in a freaking CHAIR I’m gonna- well, I screech 😭 And because Hawks is always smiling, he still singingly calls out “I’m home~” to the ghosts that keep him company. Back to walls, they’re so weird?! Both views of the room have walls layered in a pattern, pushing out for one panel and pushing inwards in the other, but it looks so patchwork?? One side of the room is smooth, the other has two diff types of wood with screw holes??? and that second view of the room also breaks the pattern. It’s got four of those wooden plank walls in a row, with the wall corners following that pushed in-pushed our design. Still totally different from the room view he enters from, as if they’re different areas of a building. Honestly WHERE is he and HOW did he find this place? Ain’t no way someone sold this to him, no freaking way. People don’t sell “homes” that look like this. Hawks explain yourself. This chapter keeps haunting me 😭

It reminds me of a puppet on a string, all cheer while the show is on only to loose life the moment the curtains close. Hawks home isn't his home, it's his closing curtains, as you say.

Hawks still trying to keep some illusion of it being a home though makes it hurt even more, calling out like he'd get a response, having to acknowledge this impersonal space is supposed to be his home...

We can only speculate on where he lives though because we don't know too much about him still T-T

[1d1195]

HIIIII it’s been a while i’m so sorry i’ve just had a terrible time since i sent my last ask :// summer is soooo kicking my ass but i am trying to persevere !!🫡 LMAO

MAKING HIM TAKE BUZZFEED QUIZZES IS SO SMART OMG I NEED TO TRY THAT !!! he said Steal My Girl 😂😂 lil basic but i can’t blame him it is a bop, we both go crazy when that one comes on

I SAW THE NEWEST UPDATE ON THE my-boyfriend-is-trying-to-be-a-writer-thread and SAMANTHA I CANT WITH YOU LMAOOOOOO this thread is so funny i just love that IT KEEPS GOING dw queen i devoured that 10k traditional chapter as if it were 1k🫡🫡🫡

also queen just wanted to let you know your stories follow me everywhere🥹 saw a framed poster on etsy titled ‘Wildflower Garden’ and it was SOOOOOOOOOO protection coded💔💔 it was a bunch of pretty flowers and it had Sweet Creature lyrics “wherever i go, you bring me home”😭😭 i love them sm he would totally buy it as a present for her on a random tuesday and they would forever hang it up in their home😭 and i saw a video on insta and i was CACKLING😭😭 some girl was talking abt how her dentist had his fingers in her mouth and she said something inappropriate and i was like ‘this is basically the plot of chapter 2 of Toothpaste’ HAHAHAHAH

i saw you posted Most and it looks SOOOO interesting but i really can’t lie im scared to read it cause everyone and their MOTHER are in your inbox hating on some bitch named lauren ??? i don’t know her AND I DONT NEED TO TO KNOW THAT IM NOT GONNA LIKE HER EITHER😭😭 THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN !!! once u post part 2 i’ll def read it🙂‍↕️🤞

I STARTED LOVE AND OTHER WORDS LAST NIGHT ??? I ALREADY LOVE IT i’m barely a hundred pages in and i’m soooo invested in their story. what gets me is homegirl KNOWS he’s the love of her life and HE KNOWS IT TOO ?? and i’m just sitting here like “make out already ???🤨” HAHAHAHA but i know it’s not that easy😔 but i will defff let you know what i think as i read some more

idk if im stupid or what but i had NO clue Christina Lauren was TWO PEOPLE AHAHAHAHAH i opened the back cover of the book and i was like😦😦 ive seen SOOO many people talk about and recommending their books yet i never knew that ?😭 i think co-writing books with your bestie is SOOO amazing omg

HOW ARE YOUUUU ?? I MISS YOU SO MUCH 💕💕 catch me up on everything, big or small it doesn’t matter 🫶🫶🫶

~🎶

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear you weren't doing well! I hope everything is okay, feel free to vent if you need to 💕 I'm so happy to hear from you, but don't feel bad about late replies, I'm happy to hear from you at all 💕

Steal My Girl reminds me of fall (the whole album does) but that was my favorite of their first song album drops. It really fit the vibe. The music video always makes me laugh. I never knew I needed to see Louis with a chimp until then 😭 A LITTLE BASIC. I'm SCREAMING. Good for him though, I don't think that's an obvious choice for casual listeners. I love it!

HAHAHAHAHA I feel like I'm truly living a double agent life. I feel a little bad but I will never tell him. He'll live without knowing. You're so kind 😭 10k of Harry being sick is usually where I start rereading Traditional. I don't think I've reread parts 1-5 since like maybe a week after I wrote them 😂

Omg that's so cute 😭 I think about that a lot, if my writing pops up in people's lives. Someone a while back sent a message that their parents got a new washer and dryer and her mom tested it with like one sock and it made her think about Love and Dryer Sheets and I just thought that was so cool 😭 I LOVE the idea of her buying the poster for her on a random Tuesday. I feel like Toothpaste is going to be simultaneously the most relatable one and least relatable one as idk if I know any hot dentists 😭 but that's really funny nonetheless!

I think I remember you telling me that you don't like to read unfinished stories? I think you did it with Dolcezza maybe; no worries either way. But knowing that, you may want to sit this one out until I get like part 2 AND 3 posted? I feel like I'm going to get "SAMANTHA -🎶" in my inbox and nothing else if you read it before it's done 😂 But yes, we HATE Lauren here. But of course I want you to read it when you have time/want to 💕 I would love to hear your thoughts!

I'm so happy you're loving it! MAKE OUT ALREADY LITERALLY. I just loved their story so so much he's so in love with her I cannot. It gets a little deeper but it hooked me so fast I couldn't put it down. I think I read it in one day.

YES. I forget how I figured it out, if I also read the back cover or if I was googling them or something idk. But it's SO cool they write together! I wish I had a writing bestie to do that with, but anyway!

I'm doing well! I think when we last chatted I was STRESSED™ over everything and now I'm MUCH less stressed thankfully. I'm really not doing a whole lot these days. Just trying to enjoy the summer even though the weather is crappy af lately. Too hot to breathe one day and then raining off and on for hours. Can't do anything outside. I made a yummy pasta dish for dinner last night and other than that, my life is pretty boring.

I hope you're doing better, I've missed you so much as well! I hope that things calm and settle for you so you can relax and enjoy 💕

xoxo

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #111

(taken february 6th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? I tried alcohol the first time because Mom offered me something she correctly assumed I'd like the taste of. I was either a pre-teen or young teenager. I've never tried any other sort of drug.

If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy motel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free? I'm staying in the car. Probably. I'd be kinda hesitant to if I was all alone.

How long until your next birthday? My birthday was literally yesterday, so a very long time.

When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? A couple days back in a piece of chocolate.

What’s the last song you heard? A slowed/reverbed version of "Teeth" by 5SOS.

When you say you love someone, do you mean it? Fuck yes I do.

Have you held hands with anyone lately? A lot with Girt 'cuz he spent the weekend with me and we hold hands a lot on the couch and even when we sleep.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes; I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life and reminds me all the time that if I need something, tell him.

Do you have drama in your life? Not really.

Do you actually think it’s gross to talk about body functions? No; they're universally shared experiences and I think it's honestly dangerous to make talking about "gross" stuff seem like, taboo almost. Now yes, there are INSTANCES where it's not appropriate, but is it gross/wrong to do in general? Absolutely not. I probably sound kinda hypocritical cuz I REALLY don't like talking about sex as it pertains to me, but that is JUST for me. It's not because I think it's gross and stuff, it's just private. I couldn't care less if other people talk about their sex lives though.

Would you rather sleep alone or next to your SO? Next to Girt.

Have you ever sent a love letter? Pretty much, yeah.

Have you dated someone of another race? Yes. 100% pro interracial relationships so it was never an issue I held with Juan; it was other, personality-related things that had no correlation to his race that were problematic.

What’s the best compliment you’ve gotten from a boss/teacher? I'm honestly not sure, but in total modesty and honesty I definitely got a lot of very high praises because I was just a good student.

What’s a weird or interesting nickname you gave someone? Uhhhh let's see... I'm actually not sure...? I'm sure there's SOMETHING, especially from childhood, but I'm blanking atm.

Is there a phrase or mantra you repeat when you are frightened? In my head, anyway. Sometimes I will focus very heavily on the ideology - not necessarily quote, it varies - that I can and WILL get through whatever is going on. Back in the day I was an "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" person (I distinctly remember chanting this once when I had to take a freezing cold shower 😭), but it's since fallen in line with the remix of "I can do all things through me who strengthens me," something I very sincerely believe in and HEAVILY encourage people to remember with themselves, too.

What are you most envious of? Mentally well and rich people. People who are financially set for the rest of their fucking lives by simply existing.

Do you have a friend with a habit that worries you? Girt is very convinced he needs to lose a bit more weight when he ABSOLUTELY does not, and he can get defensive about it if you try to discourage him from this goal. I know he has self-confidence/image issues, and I hate it for him so much.

When you walk into your best friend’s room, what do you smell? I still haven't seen Girt's room. 🙃

Have you ever purposely broken something that belonged to a sibling? I have zero memory of ever doing that and it absolutely does not sound like something I would've even considered doing.

Do you like to visit famous people’s homes? Bitch there ain't no famous people 'round here lmfao

Has anyone ever baked you cookies? I mean, my mother, haha.

What’s the lamest present you’ve ever given? I don't know. I'm told by pretty much anyone I've ever given a gift to that I give super thoughtful gifts and I definitely try to do so. I cannot fucking wait until I have a source of income so I can more regularly give my loved ones gifts...

If your SO agreed, would you want an open relationship? Absolutely not. We're either having a loyal, monogamous relationship or we're not having anything at all.

Have you ever slept with three people in the same bed? When? Why? I can just about promise I have as a kid at sleepovers and stuff.

Who would you like to slow dance with? To what song? Hehe Girt. There's a great array of songs that I would slowdance to with him.

What’s your favorite pet name someone calls you? Girt most regularly calls me "hunny" and I think it's really cute.

If you could talk to one species of animal what would it be? Oh my god, THAT is impossibly hard. I'm sure every animal would value and focus on different things, so I'd really have to think on this, I really would. I will say it'd be VERY cool to see with absolutely certainty JUST how alike we are at heart to apes by conversing with one.

What’s the largest animal you’ve ever seen in person? An orca at SeaWorld (would never go again; I was a young child).

Would you give mouth to mouth to your dog to save its life? I sure would, if I knew how to do it properly.

If you came with a warning label, what would it say? "I'm going to be awkward and uncomfortable and I'm so sorry" or something like that lmfao

Did you ever show up late for an important event? Not to my recollection.

What was the last strong scent you smelled? HA Girt's feet yesterday.

What was the last thing you took a picture of? The flowers Girt got me for my birthday.

How did you discover your favorite band? Ozzy: heard his music growing up thanks to my parents. Rammstein: I knew OF them somehow in high school, I can't remember the precise origin, and then I heard my first song by them via a Guitar Hero game.

Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Yes; I am considerably more likely to at least feel EVER so slightly more "down" if it's super cloudy and/or rainy. I used to LIVE for dark and gloomy conditions, including lighting in my own house, but I realized years ago that I very much benefit from being in brighter settings. Hot and/or humid weather also has a notable effect on me, that being that I become fucking miserable and irritable if I have to be in it.

When are you most likely to be bored? Eh, maybe like, late afternoon/early evening. That's not always the case, though.

What was the last big decision you made? This isn't gonna SOUND like a big decision, but it was to me: I finally added Girt's sister on Facebook. He was recently tagged in a picture with me so Ashley saw it and commented, and I felt like now that her Facebook presence was directly in my face (I already knew she had one, but you get it), it'd look rude to NOT reach out. And don't get me wrong, I've wanted to, I LOVE Ashley a whole lot, I've just been nervous from the start that she and ESPECIALLY their mother would come to hate me via Facebook because I am very open about what I believe in and support, and like her mother, Ashley is religious (though not to the extreme extent of Shelia, it looks like), and I just don't want to start shit when I inevitably share some anti-religion meme or something. I really, really want his family to continue loving me, but I'm also not about to pretend I'm someone I'm not on my own goddamn social media account. Guess we'll just see how everything goes.

Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? Uh I guess Lake Gaston in Virginia; I want to say the last time Mom and I drove up there it was either for Aubree's birthday party, or... something else? I don't remember. Maybe Nick and Ashley's anniversary (they got married there).

What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? To be a very successful nature/wildlife/landscape photographer, maybe have something published in National Geographic.

What was the subject of your last phone conversation? Dad called on my birthday just checking up on things.

Name five things you can grab from where you’re sitting. A cup, my phone, my planner, the squishmallow Christmas fox Girt randomly got me, and my purse.

So, are you looking forward to being out on your own? (And if you’re already out on your own, how do you like it?) I never want to live purely on my own, but I honestly am very ready for Girt and I to have a place together. I'm gonna be VERY nervous to leave Mom, but I have to one of these days, and when Mom was in Tennessee and it WAS just us two, I fucking loved it. I went full stereotypical wife mode and actually felt useful. I know I was more productive and just acting more like an adult, at least slightly.

Would you ever go to a sperm bank to get pregnant? If I wanted a child, no. I have absolutely nothing against it for other people, but for myself? I just couldn't, I would feel WAY too weird growing the child of someone I didn't really know, when a massive part of the appeal of raising a kid *for me* is creating a little life between you and the person you're in love with.

When you like someone, and they don’t know about it, are you the type who wants to tell them, or them to make a move first? I may WANT to tell them, but I'm definitely the type that *prefers* them to make the first move.

Name a new friend you’ve made this year. Shelby. (: Well, I think we actually started talking in December, but close enough.

Have you ever known anyone that’s gone missing? Ummm I don't think so.

What game is in your game system right now? The PS2 has Silent Hill 2 in it, and the PS4 has Spyro the Dragon: Reignited Trilogy in it because Girt and I played it today!! :') I was losing my FUCKING mind, I love it so much.

Do you live near a pet store? Yes, a PetSmart. The mall that is also right by our house might still have a Petco, but I feel like it closed...

Who was the last person other than family to tell you that they love you? My boyfren. :') Well or maybe someone on Facebook in birthday message, I just don't feel like checking.

Have you ever been told that you resemble an animal or insect? No, that'd be offensive lmao

How many people have you kissed in the last month? Just Girt romantically.

What was the last picture you uploaded? Uhhhh I think it was a picture I took with my sisters that I posted in an Instagram story.

Is your about me long and detailed, or short and to the point? God I used to be SO bad about long intros haha, now I try to keep 'em pretty short wherever I have them.

What is your favorite type of cola? Just regular Coke.

Who did you spend your last birthday with? My birthday itself, just Mom, Girt, and Tobey for a lil while, however the family celebration was the day before, which I spent with Mom, Girt, my two sisters, my younger sister's boyfriend, Girt's mom, as well as Girt's nephew. His sister was also going to come, but she injured her foot and wanted to stay off of it.

Do you like apple soda? I've tried apple-flavored carbonated water and it was disgusting, honestly. Surprised me, because I usually LOVE apple-flavored anything.

What was the last thing that shocked you? Something Girt told me today that I just wasn't expecting, but it's private so I'ma just leave it at that. It was a good surprise though, haha.

How lonely are you right now? Not at all right now, actually! I had a good, busy weekend and am perfectly content having some me time.

What accent do you find most difficult to understand? Extremely heavy southern ones. Even when I live in an area where that's not at all rare, I still struggle understanding a lot of people around here.

Has your music taste changed over the years? From childhood, yes, but not very much since middle school-ish. Once I got into hard rock and metal, that's been my thing since. As a kid though, I liked your average pop hits as well as country music. I know, astonishing.

Have you ever practiced kissing on a stuffed animal? Nah.

Do you think the end of the world is near? Who knows. A gamma ray burst could melt us tomorrow. Or one may not hit the planet for a million years. It's not something I worry about nowadays.

Who makes you feel like you’re worth something? More than absolutely anyone, Mom and Girt do very regularly. But I'm lucky there are a number of people who do that.

How many pets is too many? This strictly depends on how many you are capable of properly, adequately providing for. There is no strict number. Different kinds of pets require different amounts of materials, care, etc., and the amount of time available to be invested in the care of these pets ALSO varies with every single person. As soon as you cannot manage to give your pet the care it absolutely needs (I'm not talking about all the rare luxuries), you have too many.

Do you know who your bridesmaid/best man will be? It's going to be my mom. I have no questions about this.

What is the best song by your favorite artist/band? I've answered with my *favorite* songs in the past, so for this, I'ma go for strictly what I think is the artist's best piece of musical art, like the ones that leave the strongest mark. For Rammstein's, it's absolutely "Stein um Stein (Stone by Stone)" imo, it's a FUCKING masterpiece. I think Ozzy's iiiiis... most likely "See You On the Other Side," but I also am VERY fond of "Ordinary Man" because that song is just him, it just tells his story and who he is beautifully. MAN I wanna list more of his, I just think he's a stupendous songwriter and has written such incredible pieces of music. In recent news I am so sad (but completely understand why) he's officially quit touring because of his health, I'm just waiting in absolute dread for the news to hit that he's passed away alskdjfalkwjekljraoiwejroieroeiraoisdjfalksdf I am going to shatter

How many times did your phone ring today? Three times; first Tobey called for Mom (her phone is being a total shit), then Dad called while she was talking to Tobey so I called him back and he didn't answer, THEN he called me back.

What theme do you want for your wedding? I want it to be gothic-y, very likely with a black and gold color scheme.

Do you have any of your future children’s names picked out? The Onion semi-recently posted one of their satire stories about a woman not wanting kids but having the overwhelming urge to still name humans and I was like............ same, bc I know EXACTLY what I want to name all potential children even though I very much doubt they'll ever exist lmfao

Would you ever date someone over the internet? I don't THINK I would again, but I wouldn't say absolutely not.

[introvert-bookclub]

2 nights ago my 2yo accidentally turned on the white noise lamb toy in he keeps in his crib. He didn't know it made noise so when it started loudly going WHOOOOOOSH...WHOOOOOSH...WHOOOOOSH, he understandably started screaming in terror.

I ran in. I turned off the toy. I told him what had happened. I said the noise was mimicking what a baby hears when it's in mommy's belly-- mostly mom's heartbeat-- because babies find that comforting, but it was very reasonable to find it scary because he didn't even know that toy made noise. (It was a hand-me-down, we've never used it for that.) I told him everything was OK and we would never let him have anything in bed that would hurt him. I held him for awhile until he got sleepy. He's been fine since then.

This morning I was getting out of the shower and I heard him explaining the entire thing to my husband. "Sheep scared me. Mama turn it off. It's OK." And my husband said "sometimes things are scary, and mama and dada can help." 😭

I dunno. I guess what I think about a lot is that kids, even really little kids, and maybe especially little kids, understand stuff. Little things matter to them and they remember what you say and do and think about it for a long time afterward.

My son still remembers going to the beach last summer (the major impression was that we went outside without shoes on). Every time we see an ant, he reminds me that once (9 months ago!!!!!) there was an ant in my car. And yesterday when I asked about his day, he told me matter of factly "Minmin get a sister today. And a baby too." (Minmin is what he calls his best friend and Minmin's pregnant mom went into labor that morning.)