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peaky-shelby · 2 years

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NEW ROMANTICS | MBAPPÉ [6]

» summary: in which an arrogant and talented football player (the best of his time as some say) and a focused and harsh critic of a journalist are gonna have to find a way to co-exist.

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» chapter 6: Poker

» writer's note: well talk about a stressful update. BUT HEY I DID IT. not gonna say a lot up here. See you on the other side. OH if you see Green link, click on them 🥲 my apologies for what you are about to go through.

» Taglist: @moonchildohh @formulahoe @princetongirlll818 @mavieesttriste16 @kiwisa @godessstela @hummusxx @kodzuvk @pink-manz @corbyns-smile @ippid @jayruiewo265738 @blueanfield @mrs-bellingham @sorceresski @sooblovebot @okayymochi @army7g @j-rbps @heli991113 @markhyucksmells @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @i0veless @photmath @http-isabela @rainytelevisionfilmwagon @formula101x @neymarloverxxx @cepolar @freespirit-51 @marialikescherries

PLAY MUSIC

Taylor slipped away from him as soon as Marquinhos called his name. She took away with her the electricity, leaving him with just an unusual sense of emptiness. Marquinhos drew closer.

“What is the matter with you?” He yelled. Kylian was pacing back and forth on the hall, trying to control his emotions while his heart raced in the same rhythm as the havoc of his mind. Marquinhos had to slap his shoulder in order to get him focused because he looked like he had just downloaded 10 cups of caffeine all at ones “Kylian!”

“Je ne sais pas!” he snapped, smacking Marcos’ hands away from him in annoyance “Je ne sais pas! Mais cette femme me rend fou ! Elle ne fait que mentir, elle ment toujours, Marcos !”

“Tranquilles Kylian!” he ordered “I don’t know what your deal is with her but you have to get your shit together quick-“

“Why?” he shouted. “Who is she?” Marcos never answered him so Kylian made a step forward. “Did you know she played professionally? is that why she has you and Galtier wrapped around her finger-“

“Whatever is going on with you, you need to fix it before it’s too late! You hear me?”

“I wanna know the truth!”

“The truth is that she is a smart as hell woman that is trying to help all of us and I’m surprised she’s still here after all the shit you’ve put her through!” he poked him on the shoulder, pointing at him “Look at yourself!” he said the last sentence like he was disgusted “what happened to you? You came back from Qatar a different man- since when do you treat woman like that? Do you even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore because I don’t? What is it? Greed? Insecurities? Jealousy?” Kylian couldn’t look at him in the eye, his gaze kept moving around the room finally settling on a window where he could slightly see his own reflection on. “You’re turning into a madman!” He didn’t like what he saw in the mirror, he didn’t like this version of him at all. He was drunk on anger and desperation, he was high on self insecurity and he could see it in his eyes. “Swear to god, this is your last warning!” he said and left.

Kylian moved back a little, his hand was itching, his fist begging to come in contact with anything and it did. He punched the wall, drawing back quickly in pain. A few moments later Hakimi was by his side, holding him by the arm. He didn’t even know if he had been there the entire time but now he was pushing him back and dragging him from the nearest exit. He practically pushed him out in the balcony and Kylian felt the chilling cold on his skin, violently reminding him who and where he was. He gripped on the railing. And for a while neither of them said anything.

“I’m scared for you Ky!” said Hakimi. “I don’t understand what’s gotten into you. I’m trying but I can’t- it can’t be just her. What is it?”

“Can’t you see it?” he asked, yelling. He looked at his friend “I don’t know how she does it but she always does. It’s her eyes- she looks at you and you feel like the smallest person in the world. I look at her and all I see are my mistakes.” He pointed at his fingers while he spoke “The shot I didn’t take. The pass I didn’t give. The chance I didn’t see. Always down to the detail with her, isn’t it?” Hakimi’s eyes expressed a sort of pitifulness they give you when they know you are being unreasonable. He wanted to help his friend but even he was afraid to draw closer. Watching your friend falling apart right in front of you eyes, it was never easy. “And it’s driving me insane! The way she can play with my mind like that. The way she sees right through it and the closer I let her see, the more she is…” he tried to find the right word “poising me. Turning me into this-“ he stopped “That’s what’s worse! Cause Marcos is right! I don’t even recognize myself anymore!”

This was a cry for help. It’s amazing how much a person can get in your head when you let them. Hakimi went closer, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder while Kylian looked at the street. He knew that’s all his friend needed for now; silence.

“And then…” his voice trailed off

“Then what?”

Kylian closed his eyes. He imagined her against the wall, her figure in contrast to his. Her skin in contact to his, he made a fist with his hand trying to replicate what it felt like holding her but all he held was emptiness and cold air. Was it poison or just the stinking feeling of alcohol cleaning his wounds? He couldn’t understand.

He turned around to go back to the ‘party’. He wanted to erase every thought, feeling, doubt of the last 20 minutes. Hakimi stepped in front of him to stop him.

“Where are you going?”

“I just need a drink.” He said and moved around him.

PLAY MUSIC ♪

Colorful but dark lights filled the room, smell of smoke and alcohol. Kylian made his way to the bar, passing in between the dancing figures. The room was much more crowded now, everyone was either tipsy or already wasted. Footballers, models, journalists. A dangerous mix. All of them dancing together like they were choreographed.

And she was in the distance, next to her loyal friend Trish and Sergio Ramos. She saw him too their eyes meeting for a split second before she got closer to his teammate, on her tiptoes. He saw her whispering something in his ear, Ramos hand slipping on her lower back, bringing her closer to him just so he’d listen better. He wanted to interrupt, he wanted to get in between them. His eyes glaring at them while every fiber of his being called him to ran to them like she was the ball and she was about to be stolen. The music was like a void in his mind, the room felt like it was getting smaller, trapping him in his thoughts. He made a step forward, he was stopped just as quick. A hand reaching for his. He looked to his side. Hakimi.

“Don’t!” he warned.

A moment later she was exiting the venue with Ramos by her side, whispering something in her ear and Trish on Ramos’s other side. They were leaving together. Why did he care?

He went to the bar, asked for a shot of vodka before asking for the second, the third, before the room started spinning, before Verratti came up to him saying something about taylor and a journalist. He couldn’t follow. Before he danced on the dance floor with a woman he never met in his life. A woman he didn’t have to impress, a woman that was already in awe of him, a woman that reflected his greatness in her eyes and held him like he was gold. Touched him like he was priceless at the back of his car. Kissed him like he was a toy that she’d leave like he was just another number when she was done.

But he wasn’t satisfied by it, he thought he would be but he wasn’t. He was as lonely and as angry with himself as he was before, as he had been for almost a month. And as he laid on the backseats with the random woman on his side, Taylor’s lips still ghosted over his. The picture of seeing her and Ramos together still flickered in his mind. All the things he said to her, echoed in his head and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to throw up by the words he said to her or the alcohol. He thought of all that while He looked at himself on the review mirror, his eyes were so dark, so blank. So unfamiliar to him. What was he turning into?

TAYLOR’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

PLAY MUSIC

Taylor had been silent for the whole ride, while Trish and Sergio flirted like high school kids at the front. She’d always find herself stroking the places that he touched with his skin or his breath. Her wrist, the skin under her eyes. The back of her thumb passed over her lips, the lips that he never kissed but he still somehow managed to make wonder what he’d taste like. She didn’t recognize this feeling, she didn’t like it, it was dangerous.

Trish entered first and went straight to the toilet because as she said she was gonna pee her pants if she didn’t go in.

When she got in the house she sat on her bed and then quickly fell backwards on the sheets, closing her eyes. Then opening them again because every time she closed them all she could see were his black heavy eyes. Trish came out mumbling about something that Taylor couldn’t pay attention in. A few seconds later Trish was sitting on the edge of the bed, slapping her thigh to get her back on earth. Taylor sat up, looking at her friend for some compassion.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

She was trying to form sentence but no one coherent thought would come out of her lips. Where would she even start? “I need a drink.”

“We were just at a party!” Trish reminded her, narrowing her eyes “with free drinks.”

“I need like 10 shots of tequila in a bottle of wine this big” she showed it with her hands and got up. Searching in the cupboards for some alcohol. Trish watched confused, wondering why they even left the party if she was just gonna get wasted here.

“Is this allowed in your condition?”

Taylor laughed, then gasped ones she found the bottle she was looking for. She didn’t have glasses so she used the coffee cups on the counter.

“My condition?” she repeated, still laughing. “You know what’s not allowed in my condition? Kylian, he is the absolute worst for my condition.” She opened the wine aggressively. Poured the wine on the cups and drank hers before she even got the other one to Trish. “How-“ she swallowed “how can he be such fucking asshole? And then just-“ she stopped herself, refilling her cup.

Trish raised her eyebrow, almost smiling at her friend “and then what?” she asked. Trish took pride in her talent of picking on energies and tensions. She knew the moment she laid her eyes on them. Taylor drank the second cup in one breath. Trish had to get up and take the bottle from her, then she helped her find her was back on the bed, making her sit on the edge. Taylor looked blankly at her desk.

“then his eyes.” She finally said, dropping her entire body back on the sheets again. “they’re so dark all the time.”

Trish laid next to her, balancing her elbow on the mattress and her head on her hand. “sexy isn’t, it?”

“Shut up.” She said quickly making her laugh. Trish dropped on her back as well, both of them staring at the ceiling.

“I saw the way he looked at you. Just before you threw yourself at Serg.”

Taylor peaked at her, opening her one eye and raising her eyebrow “Serg?”

“Shush! Not the point. Tell me what happened between you two.”

Taylor shook her head slightly, closed her eyes “I’m not sure.” She bit on her lips, the same haunted memory returning in her head. Was he going to kiss her if Marcos didn’t show up? Did she want him to? “But I have a feeling… it’s gonna get worse before it gets better.”

TAYLOR’S APARTMENT – DAY

Taylor woke up by the morning light. Not the alarm. Which was the first thing that made her feel like something was wrong. She lifted her head from the covers, looking around to realize where she was and what day, month, year it was. She reached for her phone.

“FUCK!” She dropped it as soon as she saw the time. Jumped of the bed and looked around the messy room for her clothes, anything that she could wear. She didn’t even check herself in the mirror. She just let her hair down, hoping it wasn’t that bad and put on her sneakers. Trish woke up by the banging and running around, murmuring.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m late.”

“You’re always late its fine.”

“he’s gonna kill me.”

She grabbed her keys and she left.

TRAINING CAMPUS – DAY

“nice of you to show up Seven!” said Marquinhos.

Kylian’s walk was slow, everything in his body hurt. His eyes, his legs, his stomach. Training was the last thing he needed. He ignored Marco’s comment and took of his jacket leaving it on the benches and walked over to the field. He had changed on the car after leaving the girl he spent the night with at her house. He thank god he had a left over uniform there. He started doing his stretching, raising his leg up to his stomach. Verratti walked up to him, doing his stretches next to him.

“You’re not the only one late.”

“What?” Kylian’s mind was too much of a mess to follow or listen.

“Wilock hasn’t showed up yet.”

Kylian’s eyes lifted in worry. His first instinct was look around for Ramos. He caught him on the other side of the field laughing about something with Messi. Wasn’t he the one that drove her home last night? He started running to him, making it look like he was just jogging for training. He stood in between Messi and him, listening to the conversation while he stretched his arms.

Sergio nodded as acknowledgment “you look like shit.” He laughed. Always a bully.

“had a rough night, Amigo?” Leo joked.

Since when were they Amigos? He was tired of pretending everything was fine after the world cup. Sometimes he straight up just wanted to his him in the face- wait, why was he admitting that. He looked up at Sergio, ignoring Messi completely.

“What about you, did you have fun last night?”

Ramos narrowed his eyes. He was confused. He let out a short laugh, shrugging his shoulders “Had some fun, yes.”

Kylian nodded. Suddenly he had no idea what to ask or perhaps how to ask it. Then the whistle was heard in the distance. Marquinhos gathered the entire team in the middle of the field for the beginning of the simulation. This time, team captains were Marquinhos and Leo. Thank God Kylian was on Marcos’s team with Hakimi and Sergio was with Leo. He took a deep breath and put every single one of his thoughts on pause. Although as fate would have it he fought a lot with Sergio to get the ball from him. He’d always end up somehow next to him, drippling and fouling him even.

“Chill down Man!” said Sergio while he got up after what would be the second time that Kylian knocked him down. Kylian mumbled a short apology while he distanced himself from him and continued to play. Taylor still hadn’t showed up.

GALTIER’S OFFICE – DAY

Galtier was reading her notes. He had his glasses on, silence filling the room while he read. She sat across from him. She kept glancing at him, expecting a reaction, anything that would give away if he agreed with her or not. She already felt bad about being late, she didn’t want to get another strike on the same day. Eventually he took of his glances, leaving them on the desk as well as her documents. Taylor gave him a smile when he looked up at her.

“Group therapy? Is this some sort of prank.”

She didn’t answer.

“You want me to put 20 adults in a room for group therapy?”

“Not all of them. Just 3 for starters.”

“Which would be?”

She hesitated “Number 10, 7 and 30.”

Galtier laughed “you want Lionel Messi and Kylian Mbappe to have a couples therapy?” She didn’t answer. Smiling weakly, so she wouldn’t offend him. Was it really funny when your entire team was falling apart because of lack of chemistry? “good god you’re serious.”

“Yes, I’m afraid I am”

“Number 7 and 10 are getting better along.”

“Do they? I mean it doesn’t seem like I wanna kill Kylian every second of everyday but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to-“ she murmured under her breath. Galtier only caught half of what she said. Narrowing his eyes. “Point is!” she said raising her voice “their chemistry on the field it’s still messy and when the big 3 can’t get along your team is bound to fall apart. It’s like you have cliques in your team. Hakimi, Verratti and Mbappé. Messi and Neymar. They need to break out of their comfort zone.”

“And that’s all in your reports as well?”

“Yes sir. You’ll have them tomorrow.”

“Finally.” He mumbled “ok fine, bring me the individual reports and we’ll discuss it again tomorrow. Meanwhile you need to give Julie your personal information for the trip in Doha and Riyadh and be here early tomorrow so we can announce your role to the boys.”

“Hm?” she raised her eyes. She had forgotten about that last part.

“You can start coaching them accordingly.” He explained.

“right. Yes. Of course.”

“Listen to me closely Ms. Wilock. The match against Al Nssr is especially important. You understand why.”

“You have three of the best players in the world and you are scared Ronaldo will kick your ass anyway.” She said before she hadn’t even thought that it might have been inappropriate. She still had her habit of saying exactly what was on her mind with no regret.

“That’s not exactly how I would have worded it Ms. Wilock.” He paused, eyeing her closely “but as long as you get the point.”

She smiled “I do sir.”

OUTSIDE TRAINING AREA / TRAINING CAMPUS – DAY

Taylor watched them playing, trying to avoid Kylian on purpose. She’d look at Sergio or Leo, anything to keep her attention away from the guy that had haunted her last night. She smiled as Marquinhos ran to her when he saw her, holding a football on his one hand.

“You wanna join for the second half?” he asked. She didn’t expect that question, she frowned. “We are almost done. I mean you don’t have to pressure yourself but-“ he took a quick look at the boys and then back at her “my team is losing.”

She laughed, letting down all her bags. “Are you that desperate?”

“Come on” he laughed along with her, smiling. “Fabian just walked out. I’m missing a player.”

“Why do I feel like you have something else planned?”

He shrugged “It’s just 20 minutes. What could happen in 20 minutes?”

She thought about it, crossing her arms. Maybe a quick game was all she needed. “Just because you are my favorite one.”

She took of her jacket, dropping it on a set of chairs and lifted her sweatpants up to her knee. She pulled her hair in quick bun while she walked with him back on the field. She took a quick glance at Kylian, catching the tension in his eyes expecting him to say something but he didn’t. He backed away and stood behind Hakimi instead.

“Hey that’s not fair!” Neymar stepped forward “what’s this?”

“It’s a substitution. Fabian is out, she’s taking his place-“

“Hold on you didn’t say we could have her!” said Ramos, stepping forward as well with a smile on his face “I’d have taken her on our team.”

“Wanna fight for me Ramos?” she asked, smirking.

“Damn right I do!” he answered quickly.

“Merde” Kylian murmured behind his teeth, rolling his eyes. Hakimi saw that and pushed him slightly to move away from the crowd. Taylor took a quick look to see which players were wearing the blue flannels that gave away they were on Marcos’ team. She noticed Kylian was wearing one too. Her eyes stayed on him for a while as he and Hakimi were discussing something. He saw her, nodding to her direction and that gave her somewhat of a relief because it wasn’t a rude nod. It was like he was telling her ‘Let’s just focus on the game’ and she liked that. She wanted that too. So, the game started.

She was there mostly as a midfielder, running and stealing the ball from whoever she could. That earned her a few strikes from the opposite team when she would try to tackle them. But the vibe was different from the first time she played with them. Like she was actually part of the team. Marcos’ team was losing 1-2. And her presence didn’t make a lot of difference at first. She and Kylian would look at each other from time to time but there was zero communication between them.

During the last 5 minutes the ball landed on Kylian’s feet and he ran with it from their end of the field to the others. He was swiftly tackled by Ektike in the middle of the field, who stretched his leg out and kicked the ball away from him. The ball was supposed to go to Messi but Taylor jumped in between stealing the pass for herself. Ramos, as a defender ran towards her but she kicked the ball to the left side of the field to escape all the defenders until she realized how close to the net she was.

She calculated the angle, her mind spinning in insane speed, while she counted the possibilities this could down. She counted the defenders in front of her. There was one possibility that she could take the shot and it would land on the net but it was a risk. She looked up, Kylian was on the middle. She kicked the ball up at Kylian and he dropped on the ground, sliding and kicking it for it to go the net just in between the goalkeeper’s legs. He got up instantly, screaming in happiness for his accomplishment while the rest of his teammates ran to him.

Taylor stood watching them while they all got on top of each other. Laughing and messing around with Kylian. She smiled. She didn’t feel alone, if anything she felt proud while she watched them, these were gonna be her boys no matter what and she came in the sudden realization that it wasn’t a matter of if she’d let go of her blog. There was no chance in the world she could do both things, there was no way she could stand hurting any of them again. She felt a sudden warmth under her eye. It was a tear, rolling down her cheek like a confession. She wiped it away quickly, only then realizing Kylian was coming forward. With an enigmatic expression on his face, she wasn’t sure what she wanted but the closer he’d get the more the memories started coming back. The more she wanted to step away, expecting a wall to be behind her and him trapping her again. Instead he lifted his hand, waited for her to shake it. She hesitated, glancing between his hand and his eyes before finally holding it. The skin to skin contact, lingering a little longer. Suddenly she was back at the roof holding his hand, or in the bathrooms the first day when he grabbed her arm, or last night when he held her wrist. But all these memories and all the bitterness seemed to be replaced by the sweetness and honesty of this moment. Looking in each other’s eye, shaking each other’s hands. Perhaps for a little too long while she tried to decipher the look in his eyes until Verratti came and called him to get back on the game.

Their hands slipping away from each other.

She was swept off her feet by behind by someone. She twisted her head to see who it was, her expression softening when she saw Neymar. He let her down and she turned around, hugging him from his neck. “I’m sorry for that.” She mumbled in his chest.

“Hate it when you play for the other team.” He said, pulling back a little and she looked in his eyes. That’s not what she was apologizing for.

“never again.” She smiled and they both ran back on the field for the last few minutes of the match.

LOCKER ROOMS HALLWAY – LATER

Taylor was so sweaty, all she wanted to do was go back home and have the warmest most chilling shower she could. And she was so tired, her headache getting worse by the minute.

She made a turn to the room with the spare clothes. Puffing and blowing out air from her chest, while she rubbed her temple, feeling the sweat coming from her hair on her hand. When she entered the room she stopped on her tracks. Kylian. Naked from the waist up.

“Sorry-“ she said quickly, closing her eyes and turning on her heel to leave.

“No, no. I’m done.” He said, putting on his shirt and walking to the exit. Taylor turned around again, not knowing that he’d be behind her now and knocking on him with a jolt. She stepped back quickly, her hands barely brushing on his chest. She moved away just as fast, looking at the closets for a spare shirt. He observed her while she tried to choose a shirt that probably fit her. He knew she wasn’t going to talk to him, so he contemplated leaving. He even turned around, ready to leave her alone but it was eating him alive. So, he maneuvered back to her.

“Thanks for earlier. That was a good pass.”

“hm” she said coldly. Picking out a shirt. He hated this coldness from her, he liked it more when she talked back at him or yelled. This was unfamiliar.

“I really didn’t think you’d do it.”

She looked at him when she headed for the exit. He stood on entrance so she was basically forced to acknowledge him. “That’s the difference between you and me, Kylian. You wouldn’t take the shot. I don’t let my personal issues get in the way of my game. Ever.”

He nodded, twisting his mouth and pursing his lips together. He looked at the floor. “Still part of you must have hit it because you hoped it would get on my face.” He tried to lighten the mood but all he got was a sigh and a roll of her eyes. She went around him to leave, he lifted his hand to hold her arm but he stopped midway, pulling his hand back before he touched her. “I’m sorry for last night.” That seemed to stop her. She stood in the empty hallways, examining him. There she was again, making him feel like the smallest person in the world. He couldn’t stand it and the urge to fight her again was coming back but he tried to ignore it by looking away- he failed. “Why you gotta keep doing that?” he snapped, finally asking her straightforward. But she wasn’t sure what she was doing. So, she knitted her eyebrows. And he motioned at her with his hand “Your eyes. You have this look like you are judging everything all the time. It’s frustrating.” She snorted, shaking her head. “Even now im trying to apologize and you’re always just-“

“Just what Kylian?” she asked, topping his voice and walking back to him “what do you expect? An apology is enough after all the shit you’ve put me through ever since I got here?” She stood under him. Her eyes bored into him. Reminding him his flaws, his shortcomings.

“Don’t do that…” he warned in a whisper, looking down at her. How was she the smaller of the two but he always felt falling short around her. He diverted his gaze at the walls, shielding his lips, biting them even. The familiar anger, only she could bring out, was rising. Burning his insides, he was trying so hard not to snap at her again, not to touch her. He had to lay against the doorframe, hold his hands in fists and keep them against the wall just to make sure he wouldn’t grab her again.

“Is that why you were so angry last night?” she asked, searching for his eyes “you couldn’t pretend anymore that I’m just a silly journalist.” She laughed bitterly “it dawned on you that maybe everything I’ve said to you until now, is true. You hate it, don’t you?” she asked the last question in a whisper, bitter voice “You could hide from it while you thought I was a high school player.” His eyes found hers and he saw that they were more brutal than ever. Like she actually hated him. Almost like she was trying to provoke him, see how far she could get him before he returned to his old ways. Like she wanted him to beg for mercy. She stepped closer, tilting her head upward “Can’t hide anymore”

“Defiantly not a high school player.” He agreed but even that came out in a disrespectful way “because you know exactly what you are doing in the field and out of it.” He leaned down, she stepped back and he stepped forward “you know exactly what you are doing to me.” She snorted again, awkwardly, twisting her head away from him. Making another step backwards, only so he’d make another forward “who’s hiding now?”

“Still as delusional as last night.”

“tell that to yourself a couple of times you might believe it” She reached the other side of the door. Her back bumping on it while Kylian kept his eyes as piercing as always. Suddenly he felt himself getting taller. She licked her back teeth her tongue, clenching her jaw. He raised his hands to remind her that he wasn’t touching her, that she could leave if she wanted to. “But I think I have some power over you as well after all.”

“Wouldn’t that make you feel better about yourself?”

“Nothing about you makes me feel better about myself” he spat, drawing closer “that’s the problem.” He confessed “if anything all I see when I look at you is everything I hate about myself—” he leaned down, his face hovering over hers “and I can’t understand if you’re doing it on purpose but it’s eating me alive.” his hands remained in distance but he still managed to shield her by holding on the walls “my failures, the pressure, the anticipation—” he lowered his head even more and for a moment he allows himself to believe that he can have her, he looked at her lips “I always seem to do the wrong thing, say the unforgivable because you push me to my limit without even trying.” Their thighs were touching now, he liked the contact “and I’m always torn between hating you for it and…” his voice trailed off. His last confession falling short. “Parfois, tout ce que je veux, c’est te serrer dans mes bras et te montrer à quel point je peux être bon. Parce qu’aucune femme, dans ma vie, ne m’a jamais fait ressentir ça.”

She had her eyes on him the entire time. The language barrier wasn’t as tall anymore. She had no idea what his words were but somehow, she understood exactly what she wanted to say and her mouth getting drier, the closer that he’d get to her. Realizing that he had shield her again, noticing the darkness in his eyes again. She shook her head, slowly, keeping her face down, to make sure he had no access to her lips. His breathing would fall on her ear now, warming it, because he was that close. “It’s not happening Kylian.”

“Why not?” he said in her ear.

Oh how weak his voice on her ear made her. How many shivers it sent on her entire body. Oh, how she hated it and loved it all the same. She tightened her entire expression, keep her head high but turned at the right side. That way he couldn’t really see her eyes. Not that he cared because all he was looking at was her neck.

And she wanted to tell him: cause I’m your coach, cause I’m JW and I really am the worst liar in the world. Because I would be risking everything just by looking at you the way that you are looking at me. But she didn’t and he leaned even closer, so much so that she could sense his lips moving against her ear. So much so that she had to remind herself repeatedly why this tension should remain unresolved. But a twisted part of her still wanted to touch him, kiss him.

“I couldn’t stand seeing you with Ramos last night” he admitted. “Same way I can’t stand when you analyze my playing, reminding me every time that I’m not good enough.” His lips brushed on her ear; her hair stuck on his lips. She straightened her head, their eyes meeting. Kylian leaned closer, waiting for permission. Their lips so close he could taste it.

“No because…” she whispered. He looked in her eyes. This was it. She’d either say it now or he’d find out with everyone else in the morning. She could be honest, first time that would happen between them, but she could do it. Kylian frowned waiting for her to continue.

Voices laughing coming from a distance in combination with fast steps let them know that the whole team was coming downstairs. They pulled away from each other automatically.

Taylor left before they could see her, sneaking into one of the bathroom stalls and locking the door. She lowered her entire body, holding on her face. “Fuck” she whispered. This was only the beginning of the day and she was scared to face the rest. She wasn’t one to let in her impulsive thinking, she always planned everything ahead. She learned the hard way that things don’t work out the way you want to and you must always have a back up plan but she was out of back up plans.

INSIDE GYM / TRAINING CAMPUS – AFTERNOON

Kylian hid on the gym. He wanted to distract himself, he wanted to stop thinking about her despite the spell that she had casted on him. Verratti came in, calling for him.

“Just hanged up with Ann. She says she’s looking into it.”

Kylian looked at Verratti while running on the treadmill, giving him the same confusing look, he gave him in the morning.

“Who’s Ann?”

“Man were you even listening to me last night?”

“I wasn’t listening to anything last night.”

“she’s a journalist. Says she can find dirt on Wilock.”

“Wait- what?” Kylian pressed the button to stop the thread mill getting down so he wouldn’t fall “you got a journalist into this?”

“Yeah man. She already got some nice information. You told me to go ahead with it, did you forget?”

Kylian closed his eyes trying to remember, he rubbed his forehead. He was surprised by his own Insolence. “She keeps saying she has a theory but she isn’t sure yet--”

“Let it go man!” he said calmly

“What?”

“Just let it go.” He repeated and reached down for his water bottle. “she’ll be gone in a week.”

“I mean it’s a already done now!”

Kylian eyed him. Shaking his head “why would you bring someone else into this? you might get us in trouble.” He asked.

“she’s a friend-”

“She’s a journalist. She’ll sacrifice your friendship for a headline in seconds.”

“She won’t do anything. She says she can dig shit up about JW as well. Kylian, you agreed to do this! What has gotten into you now?”

“I didn’t know what I was agreeing to last night, alright?” he huffed, breathing out curse words in anger “just don’t get me mixed up in this shit-” he grabbed his gym bag and his water bottle. Leaving.

The two kept looking at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking. Taylor was stealing glances at him while also trying to write her speech for the next day. Drawing over all the sentences she’d start because nothing was good enough. She didn’t even know where to start. The truth about JW or being their coach. Everything seemed wrong like she had betrayed them in the worst way and yet she didn’t want to apologize. Why would she apologize for doing her job as a journalist? She closed her eyes. Ones again lining over what she had written.

Kylian was taking a look whenever he could. The things Verratti had told him in combination of their little moment in the halls were brewing in his mind. He wanted to warn her for some reason, maybe because he knew that if anything bad happened, she was gonna blame it on him. Or maybe because he cared. He could feel her staring sometimes, her eyes practically scanning him but whenever he’d look at her, she’d look away in an instant. He’d notice her expression of lust for a couple short seconds.

Before she left, she came to speak to Marquinhos. At the point he and a few other members of the team were sitting in a circle on the field taking a break. Kimpembe, who was on her team during the game, started clapping.

“Wanna go another round?” he asked, laughing.

She dropped her head, shaking it “wouldn’t last playing another game with you.”

“Ky should be grateful; you saved that one.” Ektike said, being the one that almost ruined Kylian’s shot in the first place. Kylian was sitting with knees close to his chest and his arms laid on his knee bones, playing with a piece of grass in between his fingers. He tried to pretend like he focused with that, not answering to his comment. Taylor looked at him from the corner of her eye, smiling weekly at Ektike’s comment.

“He thanked me enough, don’t worry” she noted “in his way.” Kylian lifted his head to see her. He bit his lips so he wouldn’t smile. He didn’t expect it but she had a teasing grin on her face. “Marcos, can I speak with you for a second?”

“Sure!”

Marcos got up, dusting off the grass from his uniform as he stood. They walked away together, whispering in the distance about something. She looked worried and he looked like he was motivating her, rubbing her shoulder. Kylian stood up, copying Marcos’ movements and dusting away the grass. He started walking over to them, deciding that he wanted to tell Taylor the truth but they were done with their conversation before he could get to them. Taylor went towards the exit while Marquinhos was walking to Kylian’s direction.

“Where’d you think you’re going?”

“I need to speak to her.”

“No, you don’t. You need to finish your training; you have an hour left.”

“It will only take 5 seconds.”

“It never takes only 5 seconds with you. Back on the field now!”

Kylian couldn’t argue. He had already one strike too many with Marquinhos. He backed away, the frustration returning in his mind.

He was doing the exercise of Tiki-Taka with Hakimi, Ramos, Messi, Kimpembe and Neymar. Kylian was in the middle trying to get control of the ball while the others passed it around each other. He was getting tired and not enjoying it while the others seemed to take pleasure in his struggle. Especially Ramos, he was having a great laugh watching him suffer. He had been trying to for a while, his mind unable to focus when he almost had it but then he was pushed on the ground. Falling on his side. It was Ramos that pushed him. It was a gesture that otherwise he would have laughed away in good spirit. They always teased each other. But not today. He got up, getting in Ramos’ face-

“je vais te frapper au visage!” he said in a gruff voice. Ramos was still laughing, giving him a light push like he thought Kylian was messing around. The moment he touched his shoulder, Kylian slapped his hand off. That seemed to alarm Ramos, whose expression darkened and made a step closer to Kylian.

“What’s your deal man?”

“J'ai un problème avec ton visage!”

Ramos lowered his eyebrows “calm down kid—”

Hakimi launched himself forward and in between them to separate them. He pushed Kylian back while he pointed at Ramos like he was warning him “Call me kid one more time!” he yelled. Hakimi shushed him, pushing him on the other end of the field and holding both of his shoulders to keep him still. Marquinhos had seen what happened and was already at Ramos’ side, listening to their side of the story. Kylian knew he was done for, so he moved away and left practice.

When he went on the locker rooms, he found Verratti texting in his phone. Verratti’s eyes landed on him, a smirk on his lips.

“Did you know she played in Chelsea?”

Kylian didn’t sit around to hear more. He left, grabbing his bag and going to find her.

TAYLOR’S APARTMENT / BATHROOM – NIGHT

“Dad says she’s getting bigger.” Taylor yelled from inside the shower. The blue thin curtain separated her from Trish, who was doing her make up on the mirror above the sink.

“What did you expect? She’d stay 4, forever?”

“It’s still weird.” She mumbled “makes me feel older every year on her birthday.”

“That’s because you are actually getting older.” Said Trish while pouting her lips to put her lipstick on. Taylor pushed the curtain, opening it slightly for a second to throw water at her. Trish screamed and jumped, backing away “Goddamn you woman!” she yelled. “if you ruin my dress, I’m stealing yours.” She said and left the bathroom.

Trish started picking her last stuff to put on her bag. Taylor opened the curtain and covered herself with on of her white towels. And picked her hair up with another pink towel. She came out of the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe. She watched her friend getting ready, smiling.

“This reminds me of high school.”

Trish snorted, sitting on the bed and putting her shoes on. “some thing’s never change. No matter how hard I try to. You’re still letting me go to parties alone.”

“Ramos will be there. You’ll be fine.” She sang “You know I’d come if it wasn’t for work. Just be careful.”

“I will.” She sat up, making a spin around herself to show her friend her outfit. “How do I look?”

“Beautiful.”

Trish clapped and walked over to Taylor, placing her hand on her cheek. “You sure you’re gonna be, ok?”

“Gotta starts getting used to these lonely nights, no matter how much I miss you. Dad. Lily.” She smiled “I’ll be fine. But try not to have too much without me.”

“Can’t make any promises” Trish kissed her cheek and grabbed her jacket from the hanger behind the door. “don’t wait up for me. Love you.”

“Love you too” said taylor but she was already out of the door. A silent meow was heard coming from the floor. Taylor looked down only to find Luna pouring in front of her feet, head bumping her while pleading for food. “Gimmie a minute to change angel.” She said and walked back to the bathroom. She released her hair from the towel, her we strand falling on her shoulders, freezing her skin. She patted them with the towel, trying to dry them as much as she could before she used the drier.

Until there was a knock on the door.

She looked at the direction of the bedroom/living room.

She went to open the door. Her hand holding on the doorknob.

She turned it.

Opened it.

“Kylian?”

She didn’t have time to ask what he was doing here because he barged in. Talking about something she couldn’t understand. Like he was trying to warn her. She was trying to catch up with what he was saying but the shock of seeing him there in the first place in combination with the fact that she was naked under the towel made her freeze.

“…I just want you to know that if shit happens, I had nothing to do with it—”

“Kylian!” she tried but he kept going, mumbling something about Verratti and a journalist.

“He told half the team about it—” She looked around for her robe but she found it at her bed. And Kylian was standing in front of it, so that was not an option. He hadn’t even looked at her since he barged in. “She’s brutal taylor—”

“KYLLIAN!” She yelled, holding on the towel over her chest “What on earth are you talking about?” she questioned raising her voice. He finally turned his eyes on her, finally taking in her figure, finally realizing. His mouth fell shut, his mind going blank, he forgot why he was there in the first place. His eyes settled on her bare shoulders. They were slightly covered by her long hair. Not enough to keep him from wanting to touch them. She held on tighter on the towel, feeling his gaze deepening.

They locked eyes with each other, neither of them saying a thing.

PLAY MUSIC

He should have left, just as quick as he came in. he didn’t.

She should have told him to leave. Yelled at him even. She didn’t.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked.

That reminded him. He was here to tell her about Verratti. But that could wait until the morning.

There was a sort of silence that was loud enough for both, like it was saying everything for them while they looked at each other. Speechless. That was a first.

“Oh Kylian” she sighed, but it was more of a beg. She wasn’t sure what she was begging for but she was begging for something. She closed her eyes, leaning her back against the wall, like she was giving in to something. She couldn’t see him but she could feel him getting closer. His shadow covering her whole. She refused to look at him because she knew she’d be met with those dark eyes. His dark haunting beautiful lies that could see right through her. Just like earlier in the morning, every memory she had with him flashed before her eyes, including their moment in the hallways. They had left something unfinished. Twice now they had done that.

‘Dangerous territory’ is what Hakimi had called it. That was an understatement, thought Kylian.

She bit on her tongue, leaning her head on the wall, looking down her eyes still closed. Why was he coming closer? More importantly Why wasn’t she stopping him?

He lifted his hand, his fingers grazing over her bare skin, begging to touch her. But he was holding himself back, as much as he was struggling. He made a fist with his hand trying to keep his fingers away from her skin. He looked away, moving his fist slightly against the air.

“Verratti knows about Chelsea. He knows about the incident and you condition. Maybe more…” He whispered. It was all he could explain for now, in the few words that he was left with. Because his mind was a tangled mess. She opened her eyes, realizing how close he was now. She looked up at him.

“That’s why you’re here?” she asked.

“Yeah.” he spoke, twisting his tongue “that’s why I came.”

But the reason he wanted to stay was different. She nodded. He was supposed to leave now. Open the door and go back down to his car. Yet he couldn’t move, it was like she had him tied there and he couldn’t do anything without her permission. He stared in her eyes, tightening his jaw.

“tell me to leave.”

Now that was a beg if there ever was one. She saw it in his posture, in his eyes. Heard it in his tone, his breath, his heartbeat.

“Please god tell me to leave.”

She thought her mouth and throat had gone completely dry; her lips were stuck together. She couldn’t speak.

He stepped forward. Realizing his fingers again towards her shoulders. She watched them, it was easier than looking in his eyes. She didn’t stop him when they got closer, she didn’t stop him when they bruised her skin while pushing her hair away. She took a deep breath in, giving in the tension. Dangerous indeed.

She never said it, so he never left.

He leaned in, lower and lower until their lips were so close to each other there was only one way to go and that was closer. They don’t know who initiated it. They both like to believe it was the other person because that was, they could blame them for the chaos that it would create.

Did it really matter who started it when she was the one pulling him closer by holding his shirt on her fists. Or he was the one gripping her lower back like that. Pleading for access in her mouth. Did the day after matter when she tasted him whole or her hands reached under his shirt, lifting it off him and throwing it on the other end of the room? Did it matter when his hands pulled her up on his arms and allowed her to wrap her legs around his waist, only so he’d drop her on the bed and hover over her a minute later? Did it matter when they looked in each other’s eyes like they knew they were about to taste the drug that would destroy them?

No, it didn’t.

Or if it did. It didn’t.

Cause when he kissed her neck, she gave in. and when he uncovered her body by untangling her towel, he went weak. Was it hate? Is that why hit bit on her skin, just to hear her whimpers? Was it something else? That made her rushing hands reach for his zipper and open it while he left kisses in between her breasts.

She cupped his face, forcing him to look in her eyes again before she became his for the night. In any way a person can be given to another.

GALTIER’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY

When she woke up, he wasn’t there. He was kind enough to leave a note, saying he’ll see her on training. She didn’t think much about it, maybe it was better this way. She got ready, same way she did every day. Mostly pretending like nothing had happened at all.

She packed the reports she had on her bag and she headed for the campus. First stop it was Galtier’s office. She didn’t let herself freak out, she waited to see him first.

She gave Galtier the folder with all the reports. He looked at all of them quickly at first, one by one. Marquinhos stood by her while she watched Galtier, her mind constantly running back to the night before.

“that’s all very nice” said Galtier, Taylor smiled. It was all she could do for now. Everything seemed to be going fine for the time being.

“But there is one missing.”

Her eyes widened; she went pale. She hoped to God she wouldn’t hear his name or his number.

“What about number seven?"

READ CHAPTER 6.1 HERE

did it i leave out details from their night on purpose because we will see more on the next chapter? Yes i did. Did i also cut the scene so you won't know what happened to that goddamn report? Of course i did. Am i proud of myself for creating chaos. Yes i am 🤭 is Taylor about to create chaos in the next chapter too? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Y'all wanted to see her take the lead, step on her villain era and istg that woman is about to burn the entire campus down, and I'll write it while sipping tea ✨ now i want a favor, if you are gonna send as many messages as you did for me to post this chapter, please be decent enough to comment on it, lmk if you still like it because my self-consciousness is driving me INSANE. I love y'all to the moon and back! Dedicating this chapter to my war friend .

#mbappe imagines #kylian mbappe #mbappé #mbappe #mbappe x reader #football imagine #football writing #football requests #neymar one shot #neymar imagines #neymar x reader #sergio ramos #ramos x reader

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ivystoryweaver · 8 months

Text

The Only One

Episode 6

prev | Fic Masterlist | My Masterlist | next

Summary: Elia's background starts to be revealed. Leia explains the energy flow. Poe is missing and panic ensues. We catch up to the events of The Force Awakens (but don't worry, I'm not retelling the films)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x female original character. Fic is written in second person, but the female "you" has a name (It reads basically the same as any other xreader)

Word Count: 1.8k

Content: angst-ish, self-worth probs, not beta'd

PREVIOUSLY on "The Only One"...

"Ells!" He called after you, "You kissed me."

"Bye, Poe!" You repeated, scurrying toward base.

Laughter bubbled up and erupted from his chest as he said goodbye back to you.

He let you go. For now.

Something was wrong.

Poe had yet to return from his top secret mission, and everything inside of you was screaming that something was dreadfully, terribly not okay.

So you mustered the courage to approach to Leia, actually desperate enough to chance her discovering the things you could sense.

"I know he's on a mission. Something's wrong."

Leia confirmed that they'd lost all contact with Commander Dameron and his X-wing had been destroyed.

Your heart thundered inside your chest.

"The First Order has him."

Five words sent you spiraling.

Despite Leia's orders to stand down, you flourished into well more than a nuisance for hours upon end - hovering around comms, all but demanding updates, making a beeline for the hangar to convince anyone might fly you anywhere (They all said no).

You talked Perrha's ear off several times over, obsessively hypothesizing about every single thing that could have awry and why and how it could have gotten this bad for Poe.

Perrha was your best friend besides Poe, but even they started to reach their limit. Grasping your shoulders, Perrha commanded you to just stop talking for two seconds.

"You have to sleep. You have to trust everyone to do their jobs. Poe is strong - he can make it through this," they pleaded with you. "You're going to drive yourself crazy, obsessing like this."

You realized exactly what Perrha meant in that moment. You were driving them crazy.

Which made you start to cry. You stormed off without another word, despite Perrha calling after you.

Which brought you back to Leia.

She invited you into her private office with the promise of something warm to drink. You complied, fully aware her invitation was not exactly a request.

Presenting you with a small cup of tea, she smiled warmly, but the gesture didn't reach her eyes - troubled dark orbs pooling with the anxiety you felt inside.

"How are you feeling, Elia? I'm worried about you."

The smell of the tea bothered you. The temperature was all wrong. You set the beverage on the nearest table and shoved it away.

"Have you heard anything from Poe? Or anyone?" You pleaded.

With a long sigh, Leia sat down across from you and leaned forward.

"I haven't yet. But I'm here to ask about you. How are you?"

Yanking on your backpack straps, you shook your head rapidly. "It doesn't matter." With that deflection, you closed yourself off from the energy flow, despite how strongly it pulsed here in the room with Leia.

Nodding slowly, Leia leaned back, observing you quietly.

Which you took as staring.

Which you hated.

Couldn't anyone understand?

"The Force is strong with you," Leia soothingly, yet boldly remarked. "I noticed it the first day you arrived here."

You physically shuddered as she practically called out your secret.

But... "The Force? What is that?" You forlornly questioned, your eyes fixed on your shoes - the intensity of her gaze feeling as if it possessed the power to unearth all your secrets.

You’d heard fables about the Force - myths when you were a little girl - an orphan drifting from planet to planet. One time you heard that the Force was wielded by the religious warriors known as Jedi, but those were just legends...right?

When you discovered your lineage - it explained your malformed back. Your kind were a type of demon. Humanoid in most respects, but with wings. Well, the start of wings anyway. Yours remained dormant - undeveloped because you had kept them hidden your entire life.

Your species also tended to live long lives, so you were relatively young and your wings wouldn’t have developed in years prior. For that to happen, you would have to stop hiding them, let them out of your backpack and allow them to start strengthening.

You would need to open yourself to the energy flow and exercise your budding wings for them to ever fully form. And you had no idea how long that would take.

Besides, you didn't want to be demonkind. You wanted to contain your wings and never let them grow. And you certainly never wanted to give into your species' dark past.

"You've never heard of the Force? Or the Jedi?" Leia gently questioned.

"A little," you confessed, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. "I thought they were fables."

This was the day you learned about the truth of the Force - the dark, the light and the Jedi. The short version, anyway. Leia even confessed to you that Poe was on a mission to recover a map that would lead to the last Jedi Master - her twin brother, Luke Skywalker.

The tale fascinated you, especially the part about the Force surrounding and binding all things.

But if your heritage was that of dark powers and magic, that made you....dangerous. The darkness must be what Leia called the Dark Side.

A part of you. It had to be. Why else would your ancestors have annihilated themselves with darkness and curses?

Your heart sank as you realized what this meant - that you were an enemy of the Resistance - of Leia, and of Poe.

At this realization, you completely shut down. You said nothing more, even as Leia tried to speak with you further, going so far as to explain that you could stretch out with your feelings - that perhaps you had done as much when you helped to partially heal Poe on your last mission together.

"We'll speak again soon," she relented, clearly noting your distress.

You had almost managed to scamper away when you heard your name.

"Elia? Don't lose hope," she softly encouraged.

Sniffling, you nodded. "I have hope...for Poe."

But none for yourself.

Poe returned the next day.

News rippled through base like a current electrifying everyone who heard it. Poe Dameron was alive - he had survived and somehow escaped capture by the First Order.

Apparently a stormtrooper defected and helped him escape. They crash landed and Poe scrambled his way back to D’Qar. But the map to Luke Skywalker was housed inside the memory systems of BB-8, who got separated from Poe on Jakku.

As the day went on, the entire base was getting ready for a rescue mission to Takodana - where BB-8 and this defective stormtrooper apparently fled.

Your job and skillsets kept you as busy as anyone, but your longing to see Poe again was consuming your thoughts. Keeping your mind focused on computers was as natural as breathing, but the disturbance you had felt in...the Force was so powerful.

Yes, what you had been feeling all your life had to be the Force. The stories really were true.

You were driving yourself crazy, needing to see with your own eyes that Poe was okay, but fearing the darkness you were apparently born to - and how it would ruin your friendship in the long run.

Maybe Leia could teach you how to overcome it. Maybe there really was hope.

If you could only see Poe, just for a moment…

But it was no use. The mission to Takodana commenced and he was gone again.

From there, the intensity of the looming First Order threat escalated exponentially.

When Poe returned to base, you finally laid eyes on him. He bolted by in his flight suit, with another man following closely behind him. You barely got a glance. You didn’t even have time to call his name, but you did see the cuts on his face.

Then the biggest news of all: the First Order’s super weapon was a planet killer - a system killer, actually. And this system was their next target.

Everyone scrambled and even your racing, obsessive thoughts zeroed in on this looming threat.

As quickly as the latest intel could be analyzed, the system-saving, critical mission was launched: the plan to destroy Starkiller base.

As Poe rushed to head out on the most important mission of his life, he could only wish he had time to see your face - just one more time, in case he didn’t make it back.

In case this mission failed, and you didn’t survive. But everything was happening so fast and you were as busy and as important as he was in this moment. He didn’t know where to find you and he didn’t have time to look.

Then there you were.

And time stood still for a moment.

Your chest heaved with emotion. Your eyes shone with moisture, the corners pulled down by worry. Your fingers twisted hopelessly in the frayed ends of your backpack straps. One of your twin hair buns had worked its way loose.

Poe had the thought that he’d never seen your hair down. He had no idea how long your hair actually was. He might never know.

“Poe?” Your voice was a choked whisper - the two of you suspended for a brief eternity - unmoving.

“Elia,” he breathed, hesitating only a second longer before rushing toward you, somehow restraining himself from scooping you up into his arms. Instead, he grasped both your hands and pulled them to his chest - although the act was less intimate in actuality, with him in full flight gear.

Still, his forehead dropped to yours and before he could say anything more, your hands squeezed his own before you pushed your fingers up over his throat to trace his jawline.

Fingertips danced tenderly around cuts and scrapes, until the pad of your thumb caressed his bottom lip - carefully avoiding the angry split marring his beautiful mouth.

“You’re hurt,” you gasped, smoothing your fingers over his cheeks as your eyes locked onto his.

“Nah, I’m okay. Still in one piece,” he almost chuckled, but the sound was a touch hollow. Tired.

Your eyes shone with sympathy as you reached to touch his temple. “They hurt you. Here.”

He didn’t quite know how to respond to that, except with what Leia had been known to say, on occasion. ‘We have no time for our sorrows.’

“I’m so sorry,” you uttered, with heartfelt conviction, before he could deflect, and insist he was fine.

“Thanks,” he decided the simple, direct reply was best. Besides, there was no time. His eyes cut over to the hangar and you knew then that your time was up.

“Gotta go blow up a big ass weapon,” he boyishly reported, shrugging one shoulder and mustering a tired grin.

“Yeah,” you agreed, releasing him and stepping back. “Don’t miss, okay?”

That earned you a real smile. “I won’t.” He reached out to squeeze your arms, hoping like hell he would see you again, that another war wouldn’t take someone else he…loved.

Without warning, he pressed a fierce kiss to your mouth then bolted away, leaving you stunned, thrilled and terrified.

He turned around one more time, granting you another sweet smile. “Wait for me, Ells. I’ll be right back.”

Somehow his humor and good nature gave you hope. Poe always gave you hope.

“May the Force be with you,” you whispered to no one really. Or, to all of them.

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reidmania · 1 month

Note

girl if u dont update ur flicker series im throwing hands

FLICKER | spencer reid

whoopsies im sorry i forgot about this

warnings ; all chapters of this will contain strong mentions and descriptions of rape and murder, violence, eating disorders, suicides, abuse, sexual jokes and references, and all the criminal minds stuff, please be aware of this when reading.

"I don't think I am suppose to become friends with the FBI agents who are trying to find the guy who tried to kill me." Serenity said as she picked at the food Spencer had brought her.

She was sitting with Elle and JJ, the two girls on the team — who she had learnt were really quite friendly.

Spencer went back into the conference room after buying her a caesar from the cafe on the first floor of the police station, it was what she asked for and he was more than happy to spend the five dollars on something she would enjoy.

Elle scoffed, "I highly doubt there is rules on who you are allowed to be friends with." She said softly, sipping at the coffee in her hand, raising her eyebrow slightly as she looked at the brunette girl.

A soft laugh — almost a giggle left Serenity's lips. "Well yeah but is it not awkward for you guys? To be sitting here talking to a victim as if i'm not one?" She asked, she felt like it came out in the wrong way.

JJ frowned, "You are more than just a Victim." She said, she spoke in a way that almost made serenity believe it was true.

"How are you doing anyways. We know you're sitting here smiling and making jokes, but you don't have to put up a front, if you're struggling you can tell us you are struggling." Elle said softly, she had her own fair share of issues due to trauma and the worst mistakes she made was not talking about them.

Serenity pursed her lips slightly as she continued to move her fork around her salad that sat in the plastic container.

"I mean — I don't know really." She said honestly, she had never been quite the best at putting her emotions into words. Talking about what was going through her head when she could hardly understand it all herself just felt more difficult then keeping it to herself.

"Thats okay, but we want you to know you don't have to act like everything is okay, no one is expecting you to be fine." JJ said.

Serenity smiled softly at the two girls — she wondered how they worked in an environment like this — hearing about this sort of stuff all the time, seeing it constantly.

"Thank you" Serenity settled on replying, despite the thought that itched at her brain, wondering why everyone expected her to fall apart.

She didn't quite know how to do that.

"Hey Miss May." Serenity turned her head towards the sound of her name — it was so formal, and professional it almost made her uncomfortable.

She saw a man that she had yet to have talk to, "Hi." She said softly, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Hey, Im Agent Derek Morgan." He introduced himself, he hesitated before offering his hand for her to shake. Serenity could see in her eyes he was expecting rejection, maybe thinking the touch may be a certain trigger.

Instead she extended her own hand, meeting his, giving it a gentle shake. "Its nice to meet you" She said gently, a soft smile on her face.

He nodded his head. She watched as Derek— or agent Morgan looked around and Elle and JJ.

"Do you have any family, friends, anyone, that you'd like us to call?" He asked, returning his eyes to the brunette girl who had just replaced her hand in her lap.

The reality of the question dawned on her — if they did call anyone, then someone would know, someone real would know what happened to her. Embarrassment creeped up on her neck as she thought about it.

"Um, do I have to?" She asked after a moment. Maybe it was stupid for her to be alone throughout this process, maybe it was really smart — she didn't know. She did know however that how bad it was would be easier to handle than the embarrassment she would face if anyone found out.

"Of course not, but the option is there whenever, or if you change your mind all you have to do is let one of us know" Derek said, a soft — comforting sort of smile on his face.

He looked to the bowl of the untouched food, he knew Spencer had brought it for the girl, He was in the room when Spencer informed Hotch and Gideon about the girls lack of food consumption over the business week.

"Eat up, I think they will have more questions shortly." Derek said, before pausing for a minute. "We need you two in the conference room." He said, looking between JJ and Elle who were both quick to stand up.

They walked into the conference room, only about ten feet away from where Serenity was left sitting alone. She frowned as she stared down at the food in front of her.

There was a feeling of sick that lingered in her stomach, she didn't know if it was because she was now sitting alone and insanely on edge, paying hyper attention to every single sound around her, or if it was the idea of eating.

She wasn't completely alone, she knew that. Different officers were walking around the office like building, sitting at desks, but there was no one she knew.

She looked down at the food again, before grabbing it, turning around to the bin that was close behind her, throwing the salad out.

There was a hint of guilt in her chest, knowing Spencer had paid money for it, his own money. She made a promise to herself to pay him back for it no matter what.

It was going to go to waste one way or another. Either she would throw it out — like she did, or vomit it up.

She looked back down at the table as her skin began to grow hot, she could feel her pulse throughout her body as the realisation dawned on her —

no matter how many smiles she threw onto her face, it happened. It wasn't a bad dream or a twisted thought in her head, it really happened.

"Serenity?" She heard Elle's voice and a heavy sigh of relief left her lips as she looked up towards the brunette girl.

She nodded, showing she was listening to whatever the girl might have to say. There was a look of almost pity on the FBI agents face, it made Serenity feel sick to her stomach.

"Listen" Elle said softly as she walked towards the table. "We know you want to go home, but that really isn't an option. For your safety" She said.

Serenity tried to keep the soft smile on her face, as she listened to Elle speak. She wasn't completely sure how she would cope to being alone at home anyways, despite missing the comfort of her house.

"Okay." She said, nodding her head in understanding.

"We are going to go back, we have more access to the information we need back at our building, However we still have more questions for you and we want you to be as much apart of this process as your comfortable with" Elle started explaining, her palms rubbing at her jeans.

Serenity just nodded her head, not quite understanding the point Elle was trying to make. She tried to ignore the fact that them leaving would mean she would once again be alone — basically alone.

Elle sighed, "Would you be comfortable coming back with us, and staying there until we catch the guy so you can go home safe" Elle asked.

Serenity refrained from letting out a sigh of relief and jumping up to celebrate the fact she wouldn't be alone.

"That would be fine" She said instead.

Elle nodded her head with a soft smile on her lips. Serenity tried to stop herself from gushing about how being around Elle and JJ, or anyone in the team, made her feel the most comfortable she had in days.

"You're doing amazing." Elle reminded, before smiling once more; turning around to walk back to the conference room.

There was maybe five minutes before The team of FBI agents were walking out of the conference room with there stuff, and then a mere moment before Serenity was walking between Elle and JJ to one of their cars.

"We're full" JJ said sadly, unfortunately their car was being used to hold boxes — and boxes of files and information on the case, taking up the back seats.

"Thats fine, we got room" Gideon said, nodding his head softly towards the girl. Elle paused for a minute as her face traveled over to Serenity's.

"Is that alright with you?" Elle asked. Serenity knew what thoughts were going through her head. 'How would a kidnap and almost rape victim cope with being in a car full of men'

Serenity just nodded her head, a soft smile on her lips. There was an utter of agreement before she was shuffling into the middle of the back seat, sitting between Morgan and Reid.

Spencer watched her carefully as she shuffled to pull the seatbelt on, he watched her hands pause as she looked down at the connecter for the seatbelt for a moment, he wondered what was going on through her head.

"Do you care about music? Hotch and Morgan like to carpool" Gideon turned around to wiggle his eyebrows at the girl.

Hotch didn't smile or laugh, instead the scowl on his face stayed, a scoff leaving his mouth. "You and Morgan, you mean" Hotch corrected, only brightening Gideons smile.

A soft laugh left Serenity's lips, "As long as it's a good song." She said, a soft fond smile on her lips.

Spencer couldn't help but frown as he looked at the girl, the smile the girl had been showing all day — beautiful smile, if he was honest, it wss dampening more and more every-time she tried to put it on, making him realise it may of never been real to begin with.

"You just let us know if it's a bad song." Gideon said as Hotch began driving. Serenity smiled once more before dropping her head slightly to stare at her hands that resting on her knee's, beginning to pick at her jeans.

Spencer began genuinely questioning how well the police at the station did their jobs — she was still in the same dirty, ripped up clothes that had been stained with blood. They hadn't gone out of their way to make sure she ate or was drinking water, he was almost positive they didn't to an examination for injuries.

"Ill get you new clothes when we get there." Spencer said quietly to the girl on his side, it was quiet enough that it was just between them, which didn't take much since the music and Gideon's and Morgan's loud singing sort of took over any other sounds.

Serenity looked up at Spencer for a moment, eyes traveling over his face for a moment. She wanted to excuse it and say it was fine, that he didn't need to do that, but there uncomfortableness she was feeling everytime she looked at her jeans, or blooded sweater, it was like a reminder of what he did to her.

"Thank you." She said instead. He just nodded his head. Serenity could almost see the clocks working in his brain like he wanted to say more, but he never did, instead just offering her a soft smile.

Derek Morgan was sat beside her singing softly — out of tune and almost horribly, it matched the singing of the man in the passenger seat.

She wondered how a group of people who saw such horrible things, day in day out, could sit here and still smile, it was amazing to her, how all their skin seemed seemingly so much thicker than her own.

"Are you alright?" Spencer asked, maybe he noticed her zoned out trance, or maybe he was just doing his job — either way, Serenity was appreciative of the males carefulness, making sure she was okay.

It was sweet, maybe it was apart of him doing his job but it was still sweet of him.

She looked up at him, something about the look in his eye made her want to be honest and break down into tears, it made a small piece of the walls she had built up around everything valuable inside her slightly crumble. She hated it.

"Im okay." She said.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #criminal minds show #criminalmindsfans #spencer criminal minds #spencer reid x oc #dr spencer reid mm #dr spencer reid #dr spencer reid x oc #flicker spencer reid #reidmania

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lucidlivi · 1 year

Text

Chosen For Pleasure (XII)

Series Masterlist/Warnings

Tag List: @ladysparkles78 @suckitands33 @little-x-wolf @stoneyggirl2 @creative-writing92 @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @lessons-of-red @jamerlynn @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67 @deans-baby-momma @willow-sages @ritz-hell-hotel @perpetualabsurdity @mhessellund @itzabbyxx @chriszgirl92 @abbybarnesstuff @larrem88 @commonsenseishard @impalaspixie @notsogoofyjelly @hzllxhoundxx @taylortots-world @k-slla @heavenlyackles @spnfamily-j2 @buckybarnes-1917 @foxyjwls007 @spnbaby-67 @readingsins @lauraashley93 @antisocialcorrupt @anixiiee @jackles010378 @alternativeprincess @rosecentury (I love that half the battle of writing my updates is writing the tag list! I'm so grateful for all the love you guys have shown me and this fiction! If you would like to be added please send me a message or an ask so I can easily look back on them, there are too many names for me to keep track of!)

a emotional roller coaster of a chapter, you ain't ready..

"is that.."

"Elle."

oh you've got to be kidding.

"Jensen?" I questioned trying to get his attention.

He has yet to take his eyes off the blonde, as she clung to an older gentleman talking to another couple.

I instantly felt jealousy burning through my entire body.

"Jensen." I snapped.

He finally tore his eyes away, meeting my own.

"are you okay?" I asked hesitantly.

He took a deep breath before plastering a smile on his face. I could tell it was fake.

"yeah, I won't let this ruin our night." He said.

Why didn't I believe him?

Jared once again gave him an apologetic look. Jensen took my hand, walking in the opposite direction of Elle.

Jensen gripped my hand tightly pulling me through the crowds of people.

"J hang on." I said stopping us.

He turned to me hesitantly.

"you're not okay, I can see it." I spoke.

"I'm fine." He was quick to defend.

"why don't I believe you?"

Jensen ran a hand over his jaw letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I let that girl ruin my life for a long time, I don't want her to ruin tonight too. I'm here with you, I want to enjoy tonight with you." Jensen said emphasizing the word you.

I felt like we were just sweeping the issue under the rug, but I would be lying if I said I didn't want to enjoy the night with him too.

"okay." I breathed reluctantly.

Jensen offered me a smile as he snagged two champagne glasses off a serving tray being passed around. I sipped it hesitantly as my eyes traveled around the room, looking for the blonde girl. Jensen led me over to a table where Jared and Genevieve sat with other members of the cast. I offered Gen a smile as we took the spot next to them. Jensen conversed with Jared and Misha as if he wasn't bothered by the situation at all.

So why was I?

I felt like we were just pretending, something I'd never been good at.

I tried my best too though, I chatted with cast, sipped champagne and even picked at the fancy dinner. I felt myself start to loosen up, even if just a little bit.

"may I have this dance?" Jensen asked extending a hand out to me.

"of course." I smiled placing my hand in his.

Jensen led us over to the dance floor, a slow song coming from the band on stage. He wrapped one arm around my waist, his other hand held mine as we swayed back and forth to the music.

"you really do look beautiful tonight." Jensen smiled.

"you clean up well too." I laughed.

It was silent for a moment until I spoke up.

"I apologize if I freaked you out earlier with my confession." I whispered before biting my lip.

"I'm not freaked out, flattered actually." he quickly spoke.

"flattered?"

"a sweet girl like you being in love with a fuck up like me, I don't know what I did to make that happen." he spoke quietly.

"Jensen you don't seriously think you're a fuck up do you?" I asked grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at me.

"oh I think I'm completely fucked up." He said with a painful laugh.

"I think we're all a little fucked up." I said.

"I'm just thankful you put up with me."

"yeah well I've always liked a bit of a challenge." I smirked.

He laughed as he pulled me closer, wrapping both arms around me. I felt completely at peace slow dancing with him. It was as if we were the only two people around. It just felt so right being with him. For once I forgot about everything wrong about us and just focused on the right here right now. I held on to him tightly as if as soon as I let him go he'd float away.

I was completely and irrevocably in love with this man.

I sighed as the song ended, longing for the moment to last. Jensen leaned down, placing his lips to my forehead in a gentle kiss.

"I'm happy you're here with me tonight." Jensen spoke.

We walked back towards the group. I wore a real smile for once tonight.

"I need to use the restroom, I'll be right back." I said kissing Jensen's cheek gently.

I was thankful there was no wait in the bathroom. I quickly did what I came there to do before going to the sink to wash my hands. I wiped off some excess lip gloss and glanced at myself one last time in the mirror.

I could suddenly feel someone come up beside me. I saw blonde locks out of the corner of my eye. I didn't need to look at her to know who it was.

Elle.

I took a deep breath mentally cursing the world.

"with the billionaire Jensen Ackles, lucky girl." she spoke uncapping lipstick and swiping it on her over lined lips.

I hesitantly turned my body to face the last person in the world I wanted to see.

"Elle, but I have a feeling you already knew that." she introduced.

"no, you know what I don't think your name has come up." I said crossing my arms.

"If only I believed that, I just had to meet the girl that Jensen was so smitten with."

"well now you have, and now I'll be going." I growled turning to leave.

I didn't want to be in her presence another second.

"he looks amazing tonight, maybe I'll have to go say hi."

I stopped in my tracks at her words. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides. I really wanted to knock this girl out right now.

"as if he would even talk to you." I growled turning my body back towards her.

"I think you underestimate the power I have over him. If I wanted him to, he'd come running back to me in a heartbeat."

I felt my heart shatter at her words. I knew she was just trying to get under my skin, but part of me wondered if she was right.

"yeah well he's not a toy you can play with and drop when you get bored." I growled.

"of course not, I did love to play with him though, you know he is the best kisser."

I could feel the rage building inside of me with each word she spoke.

"oh wait I forgot, you wouldn't know, my bad."

"are you trying to intimidate me, cause it isn't working."

"intimidate you? oh no, I just want to know who my competition is." Elle said before departing from the restroom.

Competition? What the hell was she talking about?

I quickly escaped the bathroom making my way through the crowds of people. I could feel my chest tightening as my breathing became sporadic. I needed some fresh air. Jensen immediately noticed my departure as he pushed through the crowd after me.

I kept walking, even as the night air hit my face. I had to get out of there.

"wait, (y/n) please stop." Jensen called running to catch up with me.

I kept walking, ignoring his protests. He finally caught me, making me turn to face him.

"I want to go home." I said choking back the tears that threatened to spill out any moment.

"what did Elle say to you?"

"nothing just drop it." I growled.

"no I'm not going to drop it, what did she say?"

"Jensen please."

"I thought we weren't keeping secrets from each other? I thought we'd moved past all this?"

"don't you get it, we can't move past all of this until you move past her!" I yelled throwing my hands in the air.

"what the hell are you talking about?"

"do you still love her?" I asked, letting a few tears slip.

"what no of course I don't love her." Jensen scoffed.

"is that why you won't kiss me?"

Jensen looked as if I had just slapped him in the face.

"no that's not why, I thought you understood." Jensen growled

"I thought I did too, but now I'm not so sure." I whispered turning my body away from him.

"don't do this please." Jensen begged coming to stand in front of me.

I let another tear slide down my cheek as I stared at him.

"please just take me home." I whispered.

Jensen looked hurt as he opened the door to the limo allowing me to slide in. It was silent as Cole drove us back to Jensen's, a van that contained the extra security guards led the way.

I don't know why I let her have this power over me.

Actually I did.

It was because I was terrified that she was right. I was terrified that if she called, he'd go running. Jensen said it himself, he was prepared to spend his life with her. Elle had manipulated him once, something told me if she really wanted she could do it again.

"you know we're going to have to talk about this at some point." Jensen said, lifting a wine bottle to his lips taking a swig.

I didn't respond, just continued to stare out the window.

"I don't care about Elle anymore, not since I met you. God you're all I think about. Why can't you see that? You're everything to me." Jensen spoke.

I let the tears fall freely from my eyes. I hesitantly glanced at him, but he was already staring at me.

"I don't kiss you because I'm afraid that once I do, you'll realize how much better off you are without me, and I can't stand to lose you. (y/n) I'm so in love with you." Jensen whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

I cried as I wrapped my arms around him. He squeezed me tightly, as if he were afraid of letting me go. It was everything I had ever wanted to hear from him. He loved me.

"Jensen, I could never be better off without you. No one has ever made me feel even a fraction of what you make me feel." I said placing a hand on his cheek.

Jensen leaned his forehead down on mine, looking at my lips. I could tell how nervous he was.

"if we do this, no going back." Jensen whispered, his lips dangerously close to mine.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Jensen's lips brushed mine slowly. I felt my pulse increase. I had waited for this moment, dreamt of it.

"Mr. Ackles, you should come look at this." Cole spoke up from the front seat sounding worried.

Jensen pulled away quickly. I let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"stay here." He ordered.

I watched as Jensen and Cole got out of the limo, the security guards dispersed around the property. I could see them looking at something but I couldn't see what. Jensen looked distressed. I disobeyed him, getting out of the limo.

"oh my god." I gasped.

Jensen and Cole stood in front of my car. It had been destroyed. I saw the tires had been slashed, and the windshield smashed in. I could see key marks on the hood as well as various dents. I didn't even recognize it as my car with all the damage done to it.

However the most haunting thing was the words He's Mine spray painted in white along the side.

Riley.

"I'm getting (y/n) out of here, find her Cole." Jensen growled.

Jensen grabbed my hand pulling me to one of his cars. He quickly opened the door, so I could get in before running around to get in as well. He started up the car, speeding out of his garage and down the road.

"where are we going?" I asked fearful.

"somewhere nobody else knows about." He spoke.

He pressed down on the accelerator speeding up even more. I looked at him as he gripped the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles turned white.

"Jensen slow down, you're scaring me." I said gripping the door handle and slinking back in to the seat.

"I told you to stay in the car." He growled.

"Jensen please." I begged.

He glanced over at me, seeing I was incredibly scared. He quickly took his foot off the accelerator, slowing down.

"I don't know how she got in, she shouldn't have been able to get in the garage, I'm so sorry." Jensen apologized taking one of his hands off the wheel and grabbing my own.

I took a deep breath squeezing his hand.

He kept driving, not letting go of my hand. I looked out the window to see we were getting far away from the city, and heading up a mountain. It was at least another hour before Jensen finally stopped the car. I saw we were way in the woods at what appeared to be a cabin.

"it used to belong to my aunt and uncle." Jensen whispered.

"she won't find us here?" I asked worried.

"no, I promise." Jensen said getting out of the car, coming to open the door for me.

I got out, falling straight in to his arms.

"I'm scared Jensen." I admitted.

"I know baby, I'm so sorry." Jensen said running a hand through my hair.

I stood in his embrace for awhile before looking and meeting his eyes.

"I'm supposed to be protecting you, if anything ever happened to you because of me, I'd never be able to forgive myself." Jensen whispered.

I saw in his eyes that he was scared too. Not so much of Riley, but scared that she could have gotten to me.

"Jensen I love you." I said leaning my forehead against his.

"then kiss me."

Author Note:

AHHHHHHH IT'S HAPPENING! I REPEAT IT'S HAPPENING! I'm done playing with your feelings tonight, but make sure you come back so I can play with them some more cause we just getting started.... please show some love in the form of a heart, comment, reblog, and a follow! I appreciate all the love!

xoxo

Liv

Part (XIII)

#jensen ackles #jensen ackles imagine #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x female!reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #jensen x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester imagine #jensen ackles preference #supernatural smut #supernatural #jensen x you #jensen x y/n #jensen and jared #spn #jensen ackles series #jensen ackles smut

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loveelle · 1 year

Text

Thank You, Jerry~ Part 6

Luke Patterson x Alive!Reader Series

Summary: After getting an afternoon free from the band, Luke decides to see his parents, only to find out something he wasn’t expecting.

A/N: Surprise! Guys, guys, guys, it’s over! Listen, I enjoyed writing this series, but it brought me WAAAAY more stress than it should have because it lined up perfectly with my writers slump. I wanted to write more for it, but I pushed this for almost two years and it was baaaaad. I might write an epilogue for it to tie up lose ends and thoughts, but I’m not promising anything because who knows how when that could be out.

I am also trying something new with tags! I am so tired of adding taglists at the bottom of fics, so I made a taglist blog and it is @updates-from-elle and the idea is if you want to be tagged in fics, you follow that account and turn on notifications. I’m going to use it for this blog as well as my doctor who blog, so you would get notifs for both, just focus on the ones you want to read! That should be it! Hope you enjoy!

WC: 4K

Master

Part 6: Where do we go from here?

---

Luke’s mind was racing as he sits in his friend’s silence, each of them processing everything Luke had told them about you and being Jerry. When he came back to the studio less than an hour ago, he knew he had to tell them everything, especially since he had disappeared for a whole day.

“This whole time you were lying to her?” Alex mumbles, bouncing his leg and chewing on his nail. Luke wasn’t proud of himself, but he nods.

“I was going to tell her.” He tries to defend but his friends all give him different looks of disbelief. Luke slumps back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest with a pout. “Eventually.” He mutters and Julie throws her arms in the air.

She reaches for her phone on the table in front of everyone. “What are you doing?” Reggie asks, peaking over her shoulder as she searches through her contacts.

“Calling Y/N. Luke is going to explain everything to her.”

Luke’s eyes bug out of his head as he leaps across the table, snatching Julie’s phone out of her hand and holding it out of her reach.

“Give me my phone back!”

“No!” Luke’s desperate plea is ignored as Alex plucks the phone out of his hand and tosses it to the girl. “No, no, no, wait please- Don’t call Y/N, she’ll hate me!”

“She’ll get over it.” Julie says and taps the phone icon next to your name, hearing the little rings as she fakes a smile.

Alex and Reggie are holding Luke back from grabbing the phone again and Luke doesn’t know what to say until he shuts his eyes tight and shouts, “I’m in love with her!” The room falls quiet again and the only sound to be heard is Julie’s phone playing out your voicemail. Julie hangs up and Alex and Reggie’s hold on Luke disappear. They all take their seats once more, each in shock by Luke’s declaration, including the guitarist himself. Luke takes a shaky breath. “I know that I messed up.” He finally says, voice quiet and unsure of himself. “And I need to fix it.”

Luke was thankful your call went to voicemail. He needed to make things right, but he needed more time than this.

---

This was bad. This was really bad.

It’s been 5 days since Luke had last seen you. 4 days since Luke was ready to tell you everything. 3 days since Luke started to get worried. 2 days since you last left Julie on read and sent her to voicemail. And 1 day since Luke first popped into your house when he had time between rehearsals at a time you and your dad typically eat dinner, only to see your dad eating at the table alone.

He didn’t want to assume anything happened, but he only had a few minutes to check on you. He hadn’t seen your truck in your driveway for a few days, and neither Julie or Flynn had seen it at school. He went into your room a few times today, looking for any sign of you, but besides how freakishly clean your room is for you, he’s seen nothing.

“I’m telling you,” Luke groans, throwing himself on the couch, “something happened to her. I know it.”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” Julie tells him, smacking his feet off the couch and taking their spot. “She’s probably just out busy or something.”

“And ignoring her best friends?” Luke asks, giving her a look that tells her he already knows the answer.

Julie’s quiet for a moment until she starts playing with the hem of her coat. “Well, there could be another reason.”

Luke furrows his brows for a moment, trying to figure out what she was talking about until it hits him. Before Julie can even call out his name, Luke disappears, reappearing in your bedroom. He looks everywhere, going through your desk, bedside table, even opening your closet.

A lot of your clothes were missing, and your suitcase which you kept on a shelf at the top was gone. You were gone. He throws the door closed, pacing back and forth as he tries to think of some reason, of any reason, why you’d leave and where you’d go. He stands in front of your photo wall, eyes darting back and forth until Luke notices something very obvious and very depressing. Every photo of you had of the band and you and the little scraps of paper you hung up for Jerry was gone. He runs his hand over where they used to be. He tugs on the leftover pinned corners of the photos and notes. Not only were they gone, they were torn from the wall.

Luke’s stomach falls.

You knew.

You knew everything.

And now you were gone.

---

Luke didn’t think he was at your house for that long, but he collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling he knew all too well as his tears dry on his cheeks. He didn’t hate that you knew. Secretly, he believes he was glad you knew, that he didn’t have to keep this a secret for any longer. But he hated that you found out on your own. He hated that he kept it a secret for months and you found out by yourself, probably believing you were lied to by all your friends. You were actively ignoring Julie, you didn’t say anything to the band, and you were just… gone.

The front door bell rings a few times as Luke sits up, knowing he should probably get going. Your dad opens the door as Julie stands there with a smile. “Can I help you?” Your dad asks, holding the door unknowingly wide enough for Julie to see Luke appear over his shoulder, his eyes red and puffy.

“Hi.” Julie sighs before looking back at your dad, “um, sorry. I’m friends with Y/N,” Your dad takes a deep breath and sighs. “I just haven’t seen her at school in a while and she’s not answering her phone. I just wanted to make sure she’s okay.”

“Julie, right?” Your dad asks and Julie smiles and nods. “Y/N talks about you all the time, I knew I recognized you from her wall.” He rubs his face before sticking his hands in his pockets and leaning against the door frame. “She’s fine. She uh, she decided she was going to go live with her mom for a while.”

“Her mom?” Luke pulls a face at your dad’s answer. You wouldn’t go live with your mom just because you found out the truth, would you?

“Her mom?” Julie repeats Luke’s question, hoping to get a bit more out of the adult. He nods, the smile he forces on his face was fake as Julie can see how sad the thought made him. “Um, thank you. If you talk to her, do you think you ask her to call me back?” Julie asks and your dad nods before seeing Julie off.

Luke joins her side only seconds after the front door closes. “She knows.” He says, making Julie jump as she walks. “She tore all of our pictures off the wall.”

“Maybe it was an accident.” Julie tries but Luke was unimpressed.

“An accident that only resulted in our pictures being gone and thrown in the trash?”

Julie stops walking with a frown. “She threw them in the trash?”

Luke shrugs. “I don’t know, I never found them.”

“So maybe she kept them.”

“I don’t know! But I do know one thing.”

Julie looks at Luke, her brows pulling together in wonder before her face falls. “Oh, please don’t tell me you’re going to-”

“I’m going to go see Y/N.”

---

Julie was calling you again.

You hit deny before powering off your phone, falling back in the sunflower field you were sat in. You just needed time. Living with your mom again was the last thing you wanted to do, but you only slept at her house and chose to spend your days here in the field or around the town. You just couldn’t be home with your friends right now. Julie most likely had no idea Luke was Jerry when you were telling her about him, but there was no way she didn’t know they were ghosts.

You were so lost in your thoughts as you watched the clouds dance through the sky that you didn’t hear the footsteps coming your way before a shadow falls over your face. “Hey.” You sit up a little, leaning on your elbows to look up at the girl standing in front of you, someone you hadn’t seen since before you moved with your dad. Kendall smiles down at you. “My mom thought she saw you out here in our flowers yesterday.”

You didn’t know what to say. She ignores you for months, hanging out with her new friends and thinks she can just show up while you’re struggling through things and pretend to be friends again.

At your silence, Kendall huffs. “Look, I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately since you moved, but you’re still my best friend. We went from texting or calling every day to whatever this is where I haven’t heard from you in weeks! And-and when I do, it’s like you’re not even you!” You stare at her, your lips part as you release a shaky breath because you had no idea what she was talking about. She picks at the flower in front of her, refusing to meet your eyes. “I miss my best friend.”

“I texted you.” you whisper, hearing your voice crack from its first use in a few days. Kendall meets your eyes. “I texted you and I called you and you sent me to voicemail.”

“What?” She gasps, taking a seat next to you. “No, I didn’t. I texted you every day for weeks and you ignored me.”

You shake your head and pull out your phone, scrolling through the unanswered messages from you to Kendall. What surprises you is when Kendall hands you her phone and shows you the same. Hundreds of text messages and outgoing calls from her to you that you never got. Kendall and you were beginning to put two and two together.

“Wait, show me my contact.” Kendall says and you show her phone number, nothing weird on your end. “Call me.” You do so, hearing the phone go to voicemail, but nothing pops up on Kendall’s phone.

You tilt your head, drawing your lip between your teeth before asking her to show you yours. You read the number on the phone before closing your eyes. “That’s not my number.”

Kendall’s quiet for a moment. “When was the last time I texted you?”

“Um, I don’t know.” You say and start scrolling through your texts. “I think the last time I saw anything from you was a few months ago and you left me on read because you were at Meredith’s party.”

“Meredith borrowed my phone.” Kendall whispered. Within just a few seconds, Kendall and you find your phone number sitting in Kendall’s blocked contacts.

“She blocked me.”

“That bitch.”

Your eyes widen. “Wait, you don’t like her?”

Kendall huffs out a laugh. “Like her? I hate her! She literally made your life hell.

“Then why were you hanging out with her and going to her parties?”

Kendall starts blushing as she avoids your eye contact. “Because she’s friends with Bailey. And Bailey is hot.”

Your mouth drops open in amusement. Leave it to Kendall to only hang out with your enemy for a cute girl. You start laughing, feeling immense relief that even after everything is over, you’d still always have her. Kendall slowly joins you in laughing, bumping her shoulder with yours as you both lay back in the sunflower field, enjoying being together once again.

When the laughter stops, Kendall speaks up. “Why did you come back?” She’s not mad that you’re here, you being here just made this one of the best days she’s had in a while, but she is confused. “I thought you’d never willingly choose to live with your mom again.”

You sigh, breathing out a laugh through your nose before you tell Kendall everything. Every little thing from moving into the new house, meeting Jerry, meeting Julie and the boys, getting to know Luke, and most importantly, being lied to by him.

Kendall doesn’t know what to say and her silence is scaring you a little. Finally, she takes the bag she was carrying and smacks you in the arm with it, repeatedly.

“Ow!” you say although she wasn’t truly hurting you.

“I’m sorry, but are you stupid?” She says and you push her away jokingly. “Y/N. It’s so obvious that you’re in love with him.”

“He lied to me, Kay. He’s still lying to me. How can I be sure he wo-”

“So, talk to him.” She interrupts you, grabbing your hand. “Look, what he did sounds stupid and awful and I don’t doubt you would love to ignore him and your new friends and never have to deal with the problem.” She knows you very well. “But I also know that those feelings you have for him aren’t going to go away and you are just going to eat yourself up inside until you figure out why he did what he did. I’m sure for some reason or another, Luke had a reason to pretend to be Jerry.” You know she has a point. And you know that this can’t just be a problem you push aside and ignore, just like the problem you thought you had with Kendall. Your phone buzzes on your lap, Julie’s contact lighting up the screen as Kendall and you sit up. She squeezes your hand one last time. “Talk to them. Then, come over to my place. You’re staying the night with me and not your mom.”

You watch as Kendall gets up and walks away, leaving you in the sunflower field with Julie’s call still ringing. With a final sigh, you answer the phone.

---

Luke was pacing back and forth in the studio, waiting for Julie to get off the phone call. The door finally opens and Julie steps inside. Luke jumps her way, followed by Alex and Reggie who were all worriedly waiting to find out what exactly is going to happen.

Julie glares at Luke before nodding and relaxing her shoulders. “She wants to talk to you.”

Luke’s legs almost give out in relief. “Is she still on the phone?”

Julie shakes her head. “She wants you to go to her. She said she’s in ‘her spot’, and that you’d understand what that meant.”

Luke’s face lit up almost immediately. He knew exactly what that meant. You were in the sunflower field.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Alex interrupts Luke’s happiness. “How are you going to get there? It’s not like you can poof there, you don’t really know exactly where she is, right?”

Alex had a point, but Luke knew he had to go. He had at least known the town you lived in, finding a sunflower field after that couldn’t be that hard, could it?

He smirks to all his friend and jumps a few times on his feet. “Wish me luck.”

The three of his friends all exchange different forms of worried glances before shouting ‘good luck’ before Luke is gone.

“He’s not going to find her, is he?” Reggie asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Alex claps him on the back before throwing his arm over the bassists shoulder.

“He’ll be lucky if he finds the town correctly.” The blond says and all three of them chuckle at their friend’s eager departure, yet happy to believe everything will be alright.

As long as Luke can find you.

---

Luke found the town, he had barely a problem there, the only real problem was the town was a lot bigger than he expected. He should have asked Julie to look up the sunflower field on her phone before he left. He didn’t even have a phone. He didn’t even know how to find or use a computer enough to even look for the sunflower field. Why couldn’t you have been somewhere easier to find? Like the town hall in front of Luke. Or that coffee shop right next to the town hall. Or with Kendall, who is walking into the coffee shop.

Luke’s eyes practically bug out of his head when he recognizes Kendall and he’s quick on his feet to follow after her with a smile. She was ordering when he pushes open the door, making the bell ring hard above the door. A lot of people jump at Luke’s arrival, including Kendall, as they all look his way but quickly gets back to their own conversations. Except Kendall. She looks away from Luke for the briefest of seconds before her eyes are locked onto him again and wide.

“You.” Kendall says, pointing at Luke and Luke’s smile quickly falls when he sees her frown and eyes narrow.

Luke’s words are rushed. “Where’s the field?”

Kendall is closer, her pointed finger almost pushing into his chest. “You!”

“Kendall!” He puts his hands in the air, taking a few steps back until he’s pressed again the door behind him. He almost yells. “The field!”

“Behind my house!” She yells back but doesn’t move from her position. “But you go and you make things right and you apologize for breaking my best friends’ heart and you promise to never ever do it again or I will find you and I will make sure your ghost butt stays dead.”

“I will.” Luke promises her and Kendall’s hand falls a few seconds later and Luke can finally step away from the door, relief flooding through him.

“Good.” She nods.

The two of them stand in awkward silence for a moment before Luke clears his throat. “So uh, you know then? Abo-about everything?”

Kendall lets out a soft laugh before nodding. “You really messed up. Go fix it.”

Luke didn’t need to be told twice.

---

After getting the exact directions from Kendall, Luke was standing in front of the Sunflower field, knowing you were somewhere amongst the flowers. He closes his eyes before starting through the field, looking for you.

He can see your head, poking up amongst the flowers. You were pacing back and forth, barely as tall as the flowers around you. Luke just watches for a moment, unsure what exactly he is going to say until your eyes flicker up, finding his surprisingly fast.

Your breath stills in your throat and you want to look away so you don’t give away how much seeing Luke and knowing the truth hurts you, but you can’t. Instead, you remain eye locked with him as he slowly comes closer, gently pushing aside the flowers to get by.

You can’t make yourself say anything as Luke stops in front of you, his eyes softly locked onto yours. “Hi.” He manages to breathe out but you stay silent. His fingers twitch as he fights his desire to touch you, to take your hand in his and hug you or do anything to beg for your forgiveness. Instead, he simply stares at you, wishing he put a little more thought into what he was going to say instead of leaving without thinking.

Luke could feel the tears begin to build in his eyes, “I messed up. I messed up so badly and I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should have- I should have said something, told you the truth, told you anything. And I didn’t. I’m so sorry.”

It hurt to look at him. It hurt to be close to him. You wanted to yell at him, to put space between you both, to show him how much it hurt you to know everything was a lie.

But you couldn’t.

In fact, you did the opposite.

Instead of yelling, you close the distance. Your chests meet as your hand fall on the back on his neck, pulling his lips into yours. Luke grips your waist, scared he was imagining it all, that he could let go and you’d slip through his fingers.

Time stopped in the small sunflower field as Luke and you lose yourselves in the kiss, gently pulling each other closer than you had ever been and loving every second of it.

When time moves again, your forehead rests on his, your eyes and his were closed as you wiped away a tear falling down your cheek. “I wanted to hate you.” you finally say, your voice was quiet and broke with your words. “I wanted to hate you so much.” Luke couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes as he pressed his forehead against yours, no longer fighting his tears and resorts to wiping them as well. “I trusted you and you lied to me and you kept lying to me.”

“Y/N-“ he finally speaks but you shake your head and pull away.

You meet his eyes and barely muster a smile. “But I can’t hate you.”

Relief floods Luke’s body as he releases a breath and blinks away his tears. His hand finds your cheek and his thumb drags across the wet streak on your skin. You lean into his touch and your eyes flutter close for the briefest of moments. “I love you.” You say, placing your hand onto his. “And it doesn’t matter if you were Jerry or Luke, I think I loved you as both.”

Luke doesn’t know what to say, there’s only one thing he can say. “I love you too. I have for months now, and I didn’t know what to do about it.” He knows no matter how great, how amazing and perfect this moment is, he needs to explain himself. You deserve that.

And so, as the two of you lay down on the sunflower field and watch the sky fade from a bright blue lit up by the sun to a dark blue illuminated by the stars, you listened to Luke explain everything. He started with everything about meeting you and the months since then and about Jerry. You listened closely, not wanting to interrupt Luke as he played with your fingers, apologizing every so often when he imagines how you must have felt.

After a while, the two of you run out of words to say. You’ve moved closer to each other, Luke’s arm was stretched out and holding you as you were settled into his side, resting your head on his chest. His hand not wrapped around your body was still playing with your fingers, lacing them through his own as he smiles.

“I never thought I would see this.” He whispers, more to himself but with your closeness, you hear it. You hum and squeeze his hand before he returns the gesture along with a kiss on the top of your head. “So where do we go from here?”

Luke’s question catches you off guard. To be honest, you weren’t sure. You both knew he had a long way to go before he earns your complete forgiveness, but he would spend the rest of his afterlife trying. That wasn’t the only problem, however. He is a ghost, you are alive. You could never have a normal relationship, but as you lay here in his arms, you were certain of two things. The first was you didn’t want normal, you just wanted him. The second was you were absolutely in love with him, and it didn’t matter where you both went from here.

As long as you had your Jerry.

As long as you had your Luke.

Read authors note about taglists! Thank you to everyone who has read, reblogged, and left comments/questions for this series, love you!

#Luke Patterson x reader #Luke Patterson imagine #Luke Patterson fanfiction #Luke Patterson #jatp x reader #jatp imagine #jatp fanfiction #jatp #julie and the phantoms x reader #julie and the phantoms imagine #julie and the phantoms fanfiction #Thank you Jerry

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annabtg · 7 months

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AnnaBtG - my Ao3

Select works:

@jilyawards favourites

Mistletoe Mishaps (1.3k). Jily, canon, fluff. Winner of Favourite Canon 2023. Completed, rated G.

Lily Evans doesn't know why James Potter keeps on pointing out the mistletoe above her every single time. Well, she does, but she likes to pretend she doesn't.

Nom De Plume (46.5k). Jily, no Voldemort AU. Finalist for Favourite Magic AU and Favourite Fluff 2023. Completed, rated E.

James Potter, renowned potioneer, has a secret side career as an erotica writer under the pen name of Scarlett Goldwing. When his latest book starts to take off, and Scarlett is asked to promote it at a public event, he has no other option but to recruit his colleague Lily Evans to pretend to be Scarlett. The only problem is, Lily Evans hates his guts… or does she?

The Great James Potter (8.7k). Jily, canon, pre-relationship. Finalist for Favourite Canon Oneshot 2022. Completed, rated G.

Lily Evans has never held any appreciation for James Potter, even though he has always been a favourite among girls at Hogwarts. That is, until she starts paying closer attention to him...

Readers' favourites (below the cut)

Priorities (1.1k). Sirius & Lily friendship, background Jily, canon. Completed, rated G. Rec'd by @casquecest and @furiousgardenhologram.

When Lily receives some life-altering news, she turns to Sirius for comfort.

Scandalous (4.9k). Sirius/Lily fake dating, Jily, prophecy AU. Completed, rated M. Rec'd by @casquecest and @furiousgardenhologram.

Sirius Black attends Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black's wedding, with a controversial choice of a plus-one and the explicit intention of stirring up drama.

Are You Experienced? (12.7k). Jily, canon, fluff. Completed, rated T. Rec'd by @abihastastybeans.

James Potter decides to ask Lily Evans to a Muggle live music show. This noble mission, however, requires a series of steps he is entirely clueless about: from procuring the tickets to finding the correct outfit, and most importantly, to spending an evening with Lily Evans without making an absolute fool of himself.

My Best Friend's Girl (12.4k). Sirius/Lily to Jily, canon. Completed, rated M. Rec'd by @casquecest.

Sirius Black and Lily Evans start dating during their sixth year at Hogwarts and their relationship is nothing short of perfect, to James Potter's silent suffering. However, things begin going downhill when next year, she is appointed Head Girl...

The Chaperone (7.5k). Jily, Petunia Evans, Sirius Black, canon. Completed, rated T. Rec'd by @casquecest.

When Lily's father won't let her go out alone on a date with James, she has to resort to desperate measures: make it a double date with Petunia and Sirius.

Fixed Luck (1.3k). Established Jily, angst, no happy ending. Mind the tags! Completed, rated T. Rec'd by @kay-elle-cee.

The books warn: excessive intake can cause giddiness, recklessness, and dangerous overconfidence. But good luck is addictive.

Over Spilt Coffee (1k). Remadora, angst, canon. Completed, rated T. Rec'd by @nena-96.

Tonks's musings on the night she picked up smoking... the night Remus Lupin broke her heart.

Afterlife (microfic series, 1.1k total). Gen, James and Lily-centric. Rec'd by @nena-96.

James ships Harry/Ginny | Brother | Enemy | Unforgiven

AO3 Is Down (1.4k). Jily, Muggle AU, humour/fluff. Completed, rated T. Rec'd by @tinyluminaryzombie.

AO3 Status: Delayed emails have been sent out and the Archive is back! Thank you so much to our sysadmin james_ for interrupting his sleep to work on and monitor the situation. Inspired by this very real Tweet, an alternate universe where the sysadmin is James Potter, and Lily Evans is his supervisor who had to drag him out of bed so he could resolve the problem.

If you read my works, please feel free to send me asks or messages to add or update your recs!

#rec list #pinned post

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saintmeghanmarkle · 6 months

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An Updated List of the "Celebrities" Following ARO by u/Training-Jello7600

An Updated List of the "Celebrities" Following ARO MM hasn't broken 600K followers yet. Possibly why she hasn't posted anything? Maybe she's planning yet *another* launch/rebrand to garner more traffic. Maybe she's practicing more calligraphy to unleash on her poor graphic design team. Or maybe the Houthis attacked her shipping container of patchouli. Whatever the reason for the hype sans actual product drop, it's a bit DOA if you ask me...Here is an updated list of the "celebrities" following Actually Really Obnoxious. I've added in their respective claims to fame in case you've never heard of the person. Let me know if there are any more and I will add them to the list! I just went with the biggest names I could recognize. It's...not an impressive list. Kris Jenner (Momager)Elle MacPherson (Model)Katie Couric (Journalist)Mindy Kaling (Actress/Writer)Portia de Rossi (Actress)Katherine McPhee (Singer)David Furnish (Elton John's husband)Minnie Driver (Actress)Leeann Womack (singer)Cynthia Erivio (Broadway)Audra McDonald (Broadway)Genevieve Gorder (Interior designer)Abigail Spencer (Suits)Tyler Henry (TV Medium)Stassi Schroeder (Vanderpump Rules)Misha Nonoo (Fashion designer)Cleo Wade (Poet)Amy Purdy (Snowboarder)Daniel Martin (Makeup artist)Cat Deeley (TV presenter)Casey McQuiston (author)People from the Sussex extended universe:Misan Harriman (photographer)Delfina Blaquier (Meghan’s “P-Wife”)Mandana Dayani (Former employee)Dr Shola Mos-Shogbamimu (active Sussex stan)Markus Anderson (Soho house Svengali)Claire Waight Keller (wedding dress designer)Journalists:Rebecca EnglishTaylor LorenzWorld of business:Whitney Wolfe Herd (founder of Bumble)Mindy Weiss (LA event planner)Lemonada MediaHannah Mendoza (CEO of Clevr Blends)Samantha Barry (EIC Glamour) post link: https://ift.tt/ilhUy6W author: Training-Jello7600 submitted: April 01, 2024 at 03:39AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

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darklydeliciousdesires · 2 months

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Light on the Darkside - Chapter Eleven.

Remember darlings, it's double update today, so if you see this chapter first, remember you have chapter ten to read prior! :)

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed.

Words - 3,647

Warnings - 18+ throughout. Topics cover depression, suicide and eating disorders. Minors DNI!

If cloud nine existed, James was sat right upon it, standing with his arm around his girl while talking and drinking with her friends and sister, unable to keep from turning to gaze at her fondly. There she was, at last, right by his side. She looked amazing for the extra weight she’d gained, his eyes picking out the obvious, of course. Boobs. His hand moved to rest on the other.

“Just so you know, I’m not gonna be able to keep my hands off this, innit,” he began, squeezing her bum firmly. “You’ve got an arse, Ells bells! I’m so fucking proud of you. And horny, because you looking fucking top grade sexy!”

He leaned to nibble her neck, making her giggle, Ella turning to softly thump his chest before looking up at him. “Calm down!”

“Nah.” They happily fell into another kiss then, enjoying it for a few moments before he pulled away, grabbing her hand. “Come with me a minute.”

Placing their drinks down on the bar, he then led her in the direction of the doors, nodding at the bouncer on the way out into the still warm early October night, moving to the side of the club away from the noise of the music. There, he wrapped his arms around her again, humming happily before giving her another kiss.

“So, why didn’t you call me?”

Ahh. She might have known she’d have that coming. “Truth?”

“Always, babe.”

Hiding her face against his chest for a second, she took a deep breath. “I was nervous!”

His facial expression was an absolute picture. “You fucking what?”

“You heard!” she laughed, shaking her head.

“But it’s me!” he continued loudly, curling his lip and having her in soft hysterics.

“I’m aware it sounds ridiculous now, but I was. I had all these silly thoughts, like wondering if you might have gotten out and gone off me, or met someone else.” His eye roll was immense. “Needless to say, I’m not anymore!”

“You shitting well better not be, darlin’!” He then looked her up and down again, mouth spreading into a wide grin. “Seriously, you look so fucking gorgeous.”

Beaming, she wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers weaving into his beautiful hair. “Looking pretty mint yourself, BFG.”

They stayed out the front talking a little more and kissing for a few minutes, James taking her hand again, leading her back inside to introduce her to his band. The rest of Nocturnal Descent were occupying one of the big tables outside in the spacious beer garden, Ella finally able to put faces to all the names of the men she’d heard so much about.

“Nah, honey,” Steve began upon giving her a meeting hug, “what’s someone as cute as you doing with Kingston here? Fucks sake, you need to upgrade. Get yourself a man who doesn’t fart so bad, you feel like you’re in the gas chamber. Or one who’s got a decent sized cock instead of a worm.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. Mainly because she knew the former to be true, and the latter she’d bet, from what she’d tentatively felt pressing against her a few times, was very much false.

James arched an eyebrow. “Well, that ain’t you on either count, is it, fucking flatulent, pin-dicked twat.”

To his credit, Steve guffawed, gripping James’s shoulder before making as if he was about to punch him in the balls. “Ya dickead,” he growled, turning his attention to Ella. “So, Ella. What do I have to do to get Andrea’s phone number?”

“Ask her yourself when she comes to stay with me. However, if you’re only like, out for the ‘I shagged a sex addict’ trophy then she’ll let you down, mate. It’s sleeping around spontaneously that lead her into treatment. And that’s all I’m saying. Save her privacy.”

How very Ella, James thought proudly, snort laughing when Steve pouted.

“Alright, what about the honey with the massive tits over yonder taking to your sis?”

“And he calls me a tart,” Janes snorted, sipping his pint.

“Single,” she confirmed, giggling at the speed he moved down to the next table with. Turning back to James, she leaned to kiss his cheek. “You having a good night?”

“I am,” he revealed, “but I don’t wanna stay much longer. Just wanna spend some time with you. If you like, you can come stay at mine?”

Oh yes. She liked.

They left at midnight, Ella feeling a little buzz, James not so much other than the one he had from walking back up the high street towards home hand in hand with her.

“So, what was it like at the place you were transferred to? And how long since you came out?” she asked, lighting a cigarette and offering him one he took with thanks.

“Little, I am fucking telling you, worlds apart from Moor Acres. My therapist is top grade amazing, such a fucking sound guy. First session I had with him was the day I arrived. We just sat and chilled, talking about music and drinking tea for the first half hour. In those thirty fucking minutes, he figured out more about me than Dr. Beaumont did in five and a half months, innit. As for how long I’ve been out, just over two weeks. How about you?”

“Eleven days, and I’m so thrilled for you, that your last month of being in an institution was so positive: it was one of the things I worried about, after you’d gone. You might have been sent to a bleedin’ shithole of a place and not made progress, and without me there to help you. For whatever that was worth.”

He stopped then, moving into her path, touching his fingers beneath her chin to lift it gently. “It was fucking worth everything, babe. Everything. That was the only thing that was hard, being away from you. Not having you there to unload everything that was in my head, or just sit and laugh with, forget about it all for a while.” He paused, dropping a kiss to her lips. “Nearly told ‘em to turn around about twenty fucking times along the way, I felt so bad for leaving you. Fucking broke me a bit, innit, doing it like that. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have left, though. I needed to, Ella, to get where I am now.”

The way he’d done it truly had left her feeling completely broken for a time, but she saw it so clearly, how it radiated through him. He could cope with it, the noise in his head, those feelings of despair. Whoever the therapist was who he’d seen at the place he’d ended up, she could have kissed him. He’d definitely helped him much more than Dr. Beaumont.

“I won’t lie, it was pants, being without you. I was half heartbroken, half bleedin’ livid with you, when I sat and read that letter,” she began.

“Yeah, thought you would be,” he interjected with.

“Sat and cried for an hour, blamed myself, had Andrea give me some really sound advice and like, state again what I knew but didn’t want to let myself believe. Then, I knew what I had to do. Get better, get released, and find you.” She beamed, holding her arms wide. “Here I am!��

He threw his head back, his rumbling laugh sounding like music to her. “Yeah, little. Here you fucking are. I swear, seeing you in the crowd, best surprise ever. I was just like ‘what the fucking fuck? She’s here! Shitting hell, she’s right fucking there!’ when I saw you. Couldn’t believe it.”

They continued to walk at a leisurely place, James telling her a few stories he’d amassed from his month in Birmingham, Ella sharing a few of her own.

“He was moved the week I was let out, big Keith. Sent to Broadmoor, so I heard. Went absolutely psycho and almost killed another patient, so they had no choice. I saw the blood all down the stairs, it was fucking brutal,” she spoke, James’s eyes widening, although he wasn’t all too surprised. He’d quietly wondered during his own time there, just how many chances of rehabilitation they would give to the twenty-eight stone, six feet seven behemoth of fury that was big Keith.

“That don’t really surprise me. He used to sit up all night, howling like a fucking wolf unless they shot him up with tranqs. Wouldn’t take his meds half the time, attacked the staff daily. Way worse than how I was,” he spoke, a scent of familiarity drifting under his nose. “You hungry, by the way? We’re getting near to Prezzo, and they actually do proper pizza in there, none of that carboard tasting shit. If that’s too scary, they do salad and all that, too.”

Hmmm, she could eat, she supposed. It had been seven hours since her small plate of pasta for dinner. “Yeah, alright then. Let me get it, though. You bought me enough drinks already tonight.”

“Nope, he spoke, steering her over to the other side of the high street when the traffic broke. “I’ve got music money burning a hole in my wallet. Apparently, while I was away the record took off hugely in Japan. I have a few more zero’s than I’m used to on the ole’ bank balance.” One stop at Prezzo, a small back and forth over Ella’s request for ham and pineapple – and James’s deep distain over such – and a pizza constructed with half that and half tandoori chicken was purchased, the pair on the move again once more.

“Oh, shit! That building is amazing, I love it!” she spoke as the old factory housing James and Steve’s flat came into view, Ella wondering why the hell he’d referred to something with so much character as a shithole. It really wasn’t, not even when they got inside and climbed the stairs up to the second floor.

The old brickwork gave it character, the original windows too, James taking his keys from the thick wallet chain he wore and unlocking the door of number six when they arrived there.

“Bathroom is that door there,” he spoke upon entering, pointing to his right after switching on the light, a light that flickered for a few seconds before the bulb popped. “Ahh, shit! Fuck, don’t think we’ve got any more bulbs. Hang on.” He strode for the kitchen area, lighting a candle on his way and using it to illuminate the cupboard under the sink, Ella just about able to see the sofa through the gloom, placing the pizza box down on the coffee table and taking a seat.

“Any luck?”

“Nah, I’ll have to go get some tomorrow. Fucks sake. Don’t matter though, we’ve got about a billion fucking candles, innit.” He went about lighting them, the space nicely illuminated, moving next to the stereo in the corner and taking a CD from one of the shelves that ran the length of the wall. Thier music collection was staggering.

“What’s this that you’ve put on? It’s very atmospheric,” she spoke, James shrugging his leather jacket off and hanging it on the corner of the armchair, kicking his boots off and joining her on the sofa.

“This is that guy Varg Vikernes we talked about a while back, you know, the actual church burner,” he replied, opening the pizza box and taking a slice out.

“Hold on, I might be able to impress you here. I think I know what his project is called, Jane loves it. What is it now,” she began, clicking her fingers and winding her hand around as she tried to remember. “Burdum? Bursim?”

“Close,” he spoke, taking another bite. “Burzum, but ten points for trying, little.”

“Thanks!” she chirped on a laugh, reaching for a slice, watching him crinkle his nose up. “What? I like pineapple on a pizza. It’s mint. Get over it.”

His reply dripped sarcasm. “I’m sure Italians the world over would agree.”

“Oh, don’t be concerned if I like, only have one or two slices. This is a big pizza and this is a lot for me to eat in one sitting,” she spoke, tucking her chin a little before taking a small bite.

“Nah, I ain’t gonna monitor you. It’s a scary food, too. Dough, cheese.”

It touched her greatly, that he remembered all of this. “Yeah. Like, it’s less scary now, but I keep reminding myself what Dr. Beaumont told me. Every meal I manage to eat is an accomplishment, an extra mile on my health journey. It helps. I finally had a breakthrough with it when I’d almost reached my target weight. Mary told me to stand in my undies and look at myself, then showed me a picture of how I looked when I was first admitted.”

“I bet it was shocking, right?” James asked, starting on his second slice. God, he was starving.

Reaching for her bag, she pulled out her wallet, taking from it the folded-up picture she kept with her always to remind her how far she’d come. “Here, see for yourself.”

Taking it, he looked down, dropping the pizza slice back into the box and covering his mouth with his hand. “Shitting hell.” To say she looked like death was an understatement. And he’d thought she’d been scarily thin at just over a stone heavier when he’d first met her. “Ella... fuck. Seeing you like that makes me wanna fucking cry, innit, and I don’t cry easy. That’s twice with you now, fucking dickhead.”

Taking the picture back, she leaned to kiss his cheek, stroking his hair. “When was the first time?”

“When they were driving me away from Moor Acres.” He looked very uncomfortable at revealing that, frowning, side eyeing her. “Knob.”

The snort of laughter that came from her was huge, tucking her wallet away again as she giggled. “My grumpy church burner.”

“To use one of your favourite expressions, shut your hole,” he retorted, only succeeding in making her laugh more. Oh, how she’d missed him. Even when he was pissed off at her. He didn’t stay that way for long, though, nudging her with a soft elbow and turning his head to kiss her shoulder. “Still think you’re awesome.”

After eating three slices of his half of the pizza, Ella managing one and a little bit, he rolled them a joint, stretching out on the sofa with his head in her lap. The feel of her nails combing over his scalp and through his hair was a comfort he’d sorely missed over the last seven weeks, reaching to stroke the side of her neck as he smiled up at her.

“It’s just me and you. No other patients, no orderlies or nurses watching us like fucking hawks. Just us.”

How they had both longed for it, the simplicity of being together without watchful eyes constantly on them. Still, Ella almost felt like Tony was about to bark an order at her as she slipped a hand beneath James’s t shirt, idly stroking the side of his abs while they chatted.

“I’m telling you, I lasted an hour when I went see her and my sister for the first time. She’s still coming out with all the same crap, that I’ve somehow brought my mental illness on myself. I just stood up, told her I’d had enough, and took Sam out for a drink instead so I could catch up with her without being fucking hen pecked to bloody death,” he explained of his first visit home after being released, glowering at the memory of his mother being, well, her usual difficult self.

“You know what it sounds like to me?”

“What?” he asked, handing her the joint.

She was thoughtful for a moment before waving her hand dismissively. “No, it’s probably not my place to say.”

He prompted her again. “It is. Spill.”

“I think she’s deflecting, like, going in really hard with saying it’s because of your music and lifestyle to absolve herself from her own part in your issues.”

Michael had said very similar. “Nah, you’re totally right, darlin’. It’s exactly what she does, it's like, if she makes enough noise about the other person, she thinks people won’t notice her, what she says and does.”

“And that’s up to her to acknowledge,” she sighed, passing the joint back, her hand retuning to his hair.

“Innit? I know she loves both me and my sister to bits, but I’m not excusing her any longer, or putting up with it. Me leaving the other night was what Michael advised in therapy. Set a boundary, then if she continues to cross it, calmly walk away. So that’s what I did. Anyway, I don’t wanna talk about the duchess. What you been up to since you got out?”

“Not much, really. Just spending time with mum and Jane, went back to my yoga class for the first time since I got really ill, had a tentative job hunt.”

“Any luck there?”

“Nope,” she asserted, widening her eyes a fraction. “Not unless I want to work in the same old utterly pants job roles I used to. Never going back to bar or supermarket work again.” It would be fair to coin the pair as intelligent underachievers, both only having three and four GCSE’s respectively, only James going on to do his A levels. Ella had taken the GNVQ route, choosing health and social care although she wasn’t sure she wanted to work in either.

He hadn’t sought anything further academically, taking on mainly factory and doorman work around the band until they’d taken off, his touring schedule making it impossible to hold down a full-time job.

“Yeah, babe. Don’t blame you. I’ve done bar work before. Total bullshit. Ruins your weekend too as that’s when you get the best shifts as far as tips go,” he agreed, taking another drag on the joint. “I can’t smoke much more of that. I’m proper fucking tired.”

She frowned concernedly. “Is that because you’re drinking on your meds?”

“Nah, Michael took me off the ones that made me wanna crash in the afternoon, and I only had three pints tonight. Can’t get drunk or it’ll stop the pills from working. Trust me, I’ll miss getting wankered, but I don’t miss that fucking mess my head was in before I got help.”

Smiling down at him, she kissed his forehead, taking the joint from him. “I’m proud of you. You’ve worked hard to get through what must have been a hugely heavy weight bearing down on you,” she began, trying to stifle a yawn and not manage it. “Bleedin’ hell, are there crushed up sleeping pills in this weed?”

“Fucking feels like it, innit?” he laughed. “I didn’t feel this mashed so quickly last night. What I bought off Gaz must be different strains. I’m irritated by that.”

“Why?”

“Because my brain is saying sleep, but everything south of my waist is like, ‘Nah, man. You’ve got a top grade girl here, the one you’ve been missing for weeks! Go shag her through the bed!”

She almost choked on the lungful of smoke, wheezing, softly slapping his shoulder as she spluttered. “I don’t mind not being shagged through the bed tonight, so don’t feel like, all conflicted and stuff.”

Internally, he breathed a sigh of relief. It could go either way with weed, depending on the type. Just enough and he could have sex for elongated periods before orgasm, too much and as soon as his body hit a bed, he was asleep. It was a balance he couldn’t bank on prior to smoking, but suffice to say the one joint of very strong weed he and Ella had shared most definitely took the wind out of his sails.

Sitting up, he grabbed a marker pen and shut the pizza box, writing ‘DO NOT EAT’ upon it. “Snedders’ll inhale it otherwise, the lardy cunt.” They made their way to his room, the space much bigger than she was expecting, pulling off her clothes all bar her knickers and top, unhooking her bra beneath it and pulling that off for comfort.

He made no mention of her leaving it on, remembering her insecurity there. It didn’t matter to him one bit; she could have laid next to him fully clothed and he wouldn’t have cared. Having her beside him was all he wanted. Climbing beneath the deep grey duvet, she happily sank into his arms, enjoying both the look and feel of that gorgeous chest against her bare for the first time. He looked more or less exactly how she pictured he would, and lord, it was a mouthwatering sight.

“Wow, you were right. This bed is like, the comfiest ever,” she spoke, leaning to kiss him beneath his jaw as they entwined, James resting his hand to her hip and stroking the slender curve. God, it felt so good to hold her and not feel bones jutting out.

“Told you,” he spoke, kissing her head. “Even comfier for having you in it, too.”

Her heart thrummed waves of pure happiness, falling into sweet kisses with him before he switched off the lamp and they fell asleep. He was out before her, Ella seeing it was entirely true when he’d told her he was like sleeping next to a corpse, except he ran hot. He didn’t move and he didn’t snore.

It made a peaceful change to the last man she’d shared a bed with, her ex-boyfriend Ryan over two years before. He’d sounded like malfunctioning power tools whilst he’d slept. She was asleep before she knew it, both of them soothed not only from the strong weed, but what they’d ached for over the past seven weeks. The simplicity of being able to hold each other close once again.

#original fiction #original story #original stories #smutty fiction #smutty stories #tw: depression #tw: anorexia

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