#usually they wouldn't actually live there at all

[bunnis-monsters]

random question abt the bee hybrids but I am actually very curious abt this,,, since some of the queens sons (I mean, there's gotta be A LOT of them right??) wouldn't move out/mate with another queen so they decide to stay with their mom in their own hive. Is there a possibility that some of them would want breed with her?? I mean, the other bees would probably grow old over time so they'd need some younger more fertile males... Would it be possible that they'd breed with their mom?

Getting this question pretty soon after that drama is pretty funny, but fuck I’ll answer it!

In my bee hybrids universe, all of the queen’s children feel platonic love for their mom! If they decide to stay they become your attendants and take care of you, along with keeping you informed of things going on in the hive.

They also become high ranking generals, or work in the high council.

But most of your sons are traded to other hives. In return you receive new bee hybrids that you can mate with. Your sons then also spy on the other hives and report back to you. They’re sneaky, and always make sure that no one is planning to hurt their mama!

Your daughters go off to make their own hives. They’re just as affectionate with their mom, and often want to ditch their queenly duties to go and see you. All they wanna do is snuggle with their chubby mama and get kisses and hugs!

Because of this, you are required to visit your daughters once a month so they continue to properly care for their hive.

There are some hives that are old and outdated, that don’t accept new bees in and only mate with each other. They’re seen as immoral, and ostracized from the meetings of all the local hives.

Most of the bees there are sickly and don’t live for very long. Their queen is selfish, and your hive has taken in a few escapees. They usually still don’t live for very long, but the doctors and medical staff try their best to comfort them and keep them comfortable for the rest of their days.

Your hive is one of the kinder ones. You accept any newcomers and treat them as your own. After quarantine they’re free to join the hive and work and breed like any other bee hybrid would.

Also for future reference, I don’t write incest. It’s in my request info.

[victorbutnotreally]

Academic Validation - Lee Minho x Male Reader

A/N: i'm back!! heavily inspired by myself. to all the people struggling with their studies, you got this! your grades only define a part of you, a part of you that can be molded however you want.

warnings: thunderstorms, mental breakdown, mentions of dying, unrealistic expectations from parents, min's parents are horrible in this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You have so much potential, Minho! Where's that little boy who's always eager to learn, huh?? You got an A in maths instead of your usual A*. I can't believe this!!"

"Mom, let me-"

"No!! You're in university, for god's sake! Pull yourself together! Stop hanging out with your friends and you better study, young man-"

"I-"

"Or do you not want to achieve anything? Do you want to be stuck somewhere with part time jobs, barely making a living??"

An A is still a good grade, Mom! he wanted to say, but he didn't dare to. He wanted to scream and shout and defend himself, but he wasn't allowed to. The words were just fading echoes in his ears till the sound of the call ending snapped him back to reality.

His parents see his mistakes, but only that. It wasn't an easy exam, and only one person got an A*. But of course, his parents wouldn't understand that, because he used to get full marks for everything without even studying as a child. And even now, he's mostly relying on his memory and math skills. He doesn't know how to study. Why would you know how to study when you're "gifted"? God, he hated that term. He would beam with pride when he got called that till middle school. Things started going downhill in high school, but he picked it up somehow. Mostly to compete with Mn. And now, in one of the most prestigious universities in the world, he was doing well. Very well, actually. But his parents won't understand. Why would they, when their son is "gifted"?

Sobs wracked his body as he threw his phone onto the bed and slid down against the wall. He wished the wall had arms to hold him, since his parents never did. He wished his wall would come to life, talk to him, kiss his hair and wipe his tears away. He sat with his legs to his chest and his arms on his knees, but that wasn't comforting enough. He curled up into a fetal position on the ground as he sobbed. He didn't have friends. He was always alone growing up, and he was fine, since life wasn't so cruel back then. His comfort was being alone, but he wants to be held right now.

He pulls himself up somehow, going to the bathroom to wash his face. He had an image to maintain. The thunder seemed to rattle the windows and the lightning struck. On any other day, he would've admired thunderstorms, but the sounds and the light overwhelmed him at the moment. He opened the door to his dorm room and walked down the hallway. Mn. The only one who got an A* in the maths test. He wanted Mn. Sure, they wouldn't exactly be termed as 'friends', but he's the closest thing Minho has to one.

Mn heard the knock on his door and wondered who it was at this time of the night. It was 1:03. He went up to the door and and looked through the peephole. Minho? He opened the door, and before he could say anything, Minho threw himself into his arms.

"Min-"

The moment he felt those strong arms wrap around him, Minho lost control. He clung onto Mn like a lifeline, burying his face in the crook of his neck. His sobs echoed in the quiet room, his body shaking from the force of his emotions. And to Mn, the sound of his sobs seemed to pierce him deeper than the lightning. He buried his face into Mn's shirt, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He's never cried like this before, but something about seeing his calm, collected expression makes the floodgates open. The last time he broke down like this was…well, he didn't remember.

"I-I'm sorry," he chokes out between hiccups, voice muffled against Mn's chest. He's too embarrassed to meet those piercing eyes, but at the same time, he craves his warmth and stability. "Just needed someone…"

He takes a deep breath, trying to regain some composure. When he finally looks up, his dark eyes are puffy and red, and filled with vulnerability rare of him. "Please don't think less of me, Mn."

Mn's expression softened, his hand went up from Minho's back to his face, wiping away his tears.

"Of course not…not for this. Come inside," he says, pulling Minho inside the room once he realized they were still in the doorway. The door clicks shut behind them, loud thunder accompanying the sharp sound.

"What happened, Minho?"

The soft gaze, the gentle tone of someone who's supposed to be his rival, opened the floodgates once more. Years worth of bottled up emotions came out at once as he broke down in his rival's arms. Mn could do nothing but rub his back and hold him close. Minho didn't need anything else. He just wanted to be held. Minho's arms squeezed him tighter as his sobs grew louder. He buried his face in his chest so deep as if he wanted to be lodged in his ribcage, right next to his heart.

"They- they think I'm so smart…I'm not…I'm not smart or anything.."

More sobs.

"I can't do this anymore, Mn, I can't…I'll die at this rate. I just wanna disappear and stop worrying about all this."

"Oh, Minho.." Mn felt a strange protectiveness over the boy nestled so comfortably in his arms. His heart felt warm knowing that Minho came to him out of all people, but at the same time, he felt sad, knowing that Minho didn't really have anyone else.

"What if I don't get a job? What if adulting is harder than I thought? What if…what if I don't graduate?"

The last question was followed by hysterical sobs. If it weren't for the thunderstorm, Mn was sure he would've woken up the whole floor with his cries.

"I-I c-can't do this anymore, Mnie…I can't..p-please.."

"Okay..okay..we'll take a break for a while, yeah?"

"C-Can't…have to..study..I have to-"

"Minho."

Minho looked up from Mn's chest, eyes teary and red.

"How long has it been since you slept?"

"I- I don't know, Mn.." He said Mn's name with such softness, such…vulnerability.

Mn reached to wipe away Minho's tears and reached out to grab some tissues for him.

"Here."

Minho shakily took the tissues, mumbling a small 'thank you' as he wiped his face. He slowly got up, his feet somehow being able to carry his weight now as he went to the bathroom and washed his face. He came out of the bathroom to see Mn making tea.

"Y-You don't have to," Minho said, his voice sore and shaky from all the crying.

"Sit down, Min. Talk to me, okay?"

He obediently sat down, quite unusual for him. But right now, he just wants to hand everything to someone else. And he didn't think he'd be so open with Mn.

"I just..I got an A instead of an A*. I wasn't disappointed with it because it was a super tough exam, but my mom called and said a lot of things. Like I'm wasting my potential. I didn't hear the rest, I was so tired. Don't…pity me. Please."

"I won't. I don't. And you're not wasting your potential, okay?," Mn started, handing Minho a cup of tea. "You're one of the best students here. And one slight drop in your grade doesn't make you stupid. Besides, A is such a good grade."

Minho sips his tea, the warmth of the teacup a comfort to his cold hands. He listened intently to Mn's words, as if memorising them. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, a small smile finding its way to his lips.

"You're good enough. I'm proud of you."

"You're good enough." The words rang in Minho's head, louder than the thunderstorm outside. He felt safe. He felt like he could admire it again. He sets down the teacup and hugged him again, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder.

"Thank you."

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taglist:

@forever-atiny

[rian1023]

I saw you were taking requests so could you make a fix about neuvilette x reader. Where reader is always all over him seeking his affection, and being needy and all that jazz. Ty in advance 🙏

-annon 💜

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner! My exams were coming up- but here you go!

Tags :

Fluff, Domestic life...

Warnings :

None

Neuvilette

Neuvilette wouldn't exactly mind the attention-

He would actually want to show you off to everyone.

Like-

"This is my beloved wife, Y/N."

Makes it clear to others that you are both deeply in love.

The melusines are your children.

Basks in your love 24/7

Tries to be gentle because he's scared that you'll get hurt and leave him :(((

Make sure to remind him daily that you love him

He knows that mortals live and love for a short while, especially to him

He's lived for 500 years, everything seemed to be in a blink of an eye

Pulls you closer when going to sleep to assure himself that you're there.

Will mostly likely leave his lunch purposefully so that you gotta go give it to him at his office

(he wants to see you)

'Looks like he left his lunch again...' you think as while packing Neuvilette's lunch, opening the utensils drawer, spotting the matching spoons that both you and your husband made, you decide to have lunch with him.

On your way, melusines would greet you with the usuals like "Good morning, Miss Y/N!"

Smiling at the melusines, you hand out the candies you always have in your pocket, watching in glee as they all eat the candies with happiness, motivated to work more.

Bidding them good bye, you head to your husbands office, excited to just hug him and smooch him everywhere.

"Hubby! Let's eat together!"

Neuvilette who was working at some papers, perks up at your voice outside the door and hurriedly swipes the papers and hides them under his desk.

You open the door, place the food in his desk and finally- you body slam Neuvilette as you lock him in between your arms. He smiles hugging you back, "I hope the journey near wasn't too arduous."

"Hun, you speak like I walked the whole world just to get to you-" you chuckle, smooching your husband's cheeks, pecking his lips, as you continue to wrap him in a bear hug.

Neuvilette places a disc in the phonograph you bought for him, playing one of your favourite songs. He offers his hand to dance with you, as you accept it.

You both begin to slow waltz in his office, basking in each other's warmth. He kisses you deeply, eyes full of warmth and love for you.

Once the music stops, you eat the lunch that you cooked, smiling as you both enjoy being together with each other. After Neuvilette finishes his work, you both head home, hand-in-hand, sometimes he carries you home.

Oh to be loved, not only by man, but a gentle natured dragon.

[steddie-island]

Champagne kisses

@softsteddieseptember week 3: Anniversary Rating: G | WC: 1,406 | Tags: Getting together, first kiss, Eddie Munson lives Find full list of tags on ao3 | Divider credit

Eddie woke to the sound of pebbles hitting his window. He looked around for his watch to check the time, then carefully climbed out of bed.

He'd expected to see Dustin, or Mike, or even Max, one of the shitheads. He hadn't expected Steve on the other side, with a palmful of gravel— a piece of which narrowly missed hitting Eddie as he opened the window.

"Steve, what the fuck?" Eddie's nose wrinkled and he looked at the other boy with one eye cracked open. "You have a key, you couldn't just let yourself in?"

"I was hoping you'd come out, actually." Steve bounced his hand, letting the rocks drop back to the ground around his feet. "I've got a surprise for you."

"A surprise, huh? And it couldn't wait until tomorrow?" Eddie heaved a put-upon sigh, his head tipping back and his gaze catching the swirls of paint on his ceiling. "All right. Let me grab my shoes."

Steve grinned and watched as Eddie disappeared back into the darkness of his bedroom.

Eddie climbed out the window and dropped carefully to his feet. It pulled his scars, made his joints complain, made Steve curse and step forward to help him. He held his hands out with both thumbs up to show he was okay before tugging his leather jacket on. "This better be good, Harrington."

Steve just grinned and jogged to his car to grab a black totebag. "It will be. I hope you brought your keys, Munson."

Eddie was dying to know what was in the bag, what couldn't have waited, but found that he was willing to be a little patient if Steve kept smiling the way he was. He followed after Steve to unlock the van, and a few moments later they were bumping their way down the road in Eddie's new used van.

The quarry stretched out before them. Eddie smoked a cigarette while he watched the place where the stars and the ground met. Even if he hadn't been threatened with loss of life and limb if he'd tried to watch what Steve was doing with the black bag behind him, the horizon was where his eyes would've strayed to anyway.

There were a million possibilities in that horizon. He could point the van and just drive until he ran out of gas, start over as whoever and whatever he wanted to be. It made him feel small, insignificant, but not in a way that made him feel bad. It was comforting, knowing that there were stil places he could go where people wouldn't think of dead teenagers as soon as they heard his name. He just had to get up and do it.

And he would. Someday. Eventually.

Still, as beautiful and comforting as the horizon was, the sound of paper, of a tape dispenser, the crinkling of plastic, it was definitely harder than usual to keep his eyes locked there and not behind him.

"C'mon, Harrington. How much longer is this gonna take?"

"I'm almost finished— Eddie I told you, do not turn around!" Steve said. "I tried to do this before I woke you up but your van was locked. Now just— be patient."

Eddie rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he tossed the cigarette butt to the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of his sneaker.

There was the flicking of a lighter that washed the van in Eddie's peripheral vision a soft orange color. "Okay, look."

Eddie turned around with a smartass remark ready, but it died on his tongue.

There were streamers taped to the walls of the van, and there were plastic champagne flutes sitting next to a cake that had something nearly illeligable written on it. And there was Steve, smiling almost shyly as he picked the cake up, showing the candles he'd lit around one edge of the cake. Candlelight flickered over his face, danced in his eyes, and Eddie felt his breath catch in his chest.

"Happy… what?" he asked, when he managed to talk again.

"Anniversary," Steve said, flushing. "Sorry, it said happy birthday and I had to wipe that off, but then I had a hard time trying to write over it. But— you should blow the candles out before your cake gets coated in wax."

Eddie leaned in and blew the candles out, turning the van dark again. "Hold on." He dug in the crate he'd learned to keep full of shit that would come in handy in an emergency and came away with an "A-ha!" before turning the little lantern on. It filled the van with gentle orange light again. It didn't dance the way the candlelight had, but Eddie was still struck once more by how beautiful Steve was.

It didn't last for long, because it occurred to him that he wasn't sure what exactly they were celebrating.

"So… what… anniversary is this?" he asked.

Steve huffed out a laugh and passed over a plastic fork. "You don't remember?"

"Shit, no. I'm not good with— any of those things." Eddie ran a hand over the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, man, it's— I'll try to remember next time."

"Eddie, it's okay. It's… it's your anniversary." Steve picked wax drips off of the cake, avoiding Eddie's eyes. "You woke up a year ago today."

Eddie was quiet for a long moment. He could only watch Steve, until he noticed more pink flood into Steve's cheeks as the other boy looked up at him again. "I did?" he asked finally. "You… you remember?"

"They thought you might never wake up," Steve said, shaking his head. "Jesus, man. I spent so long at your bedside. We— we all did, just… begging you to wake up. Then… you did." He flicked a piece of wax onto the store bag he'd pulled the cake out of. "Of course I remember." He shrugged one shoulder, and Eddie all but heard the, "how could I not?" that he didn't say out loud.

Of course Steve had remembered. Steve, who had spent so many hours, so many days sitting beside Eddie's bed. Eddie didn't remember any of it, but he did remember the first face he saw when he woke up. He remembered Steve, slumped down in the uncomfortable hospital chair, his legs hanging over the arm of it. He'd been dozing lightly, at at the smallest movement from Eddie he'd been up and beside Eddie's bed, grabbing his hand and ringing for the nurses.

Steve's relief had been palpable. He'd looked the way Eddie had felt. He still looked that way sometimes, when Eddie caught him not watching whatever movie they had on. It was like Steve could hardly believe that Eddie was there, like he might've been lost if Eddie hadn't survived.

Eddie watched the way the lamplight played on Steve's face, casting part of it in shadow. Somehow he hadn't just survived, but he'd found this beautiful boy who liked spending time with him, who listened to him talk about D&D and music. Steve remembered, too— or tried to. After all of the thumps to the head, some of the details slipped away sometimes. But Eddie could see how hard he tried.

Steve made Eddie want to try, too. Made Eddie want to learn about sports even after all the shit he'd said about them in high school, just so he could chime in when Steve and Wayne were watching the game together. He liked the way Steve smiled when he noticed Eddie listening to him, too. He wanted Steve to always smile like that.

He wanted to be the one to make Steve smile like that.

Not for the first time, Eddie found himself wanting to kiss Steve Harrington.

Only this time, for the first time, he actually did.

Their first kiss tasted like chocolate cake and champagne and Eddie never wanted it to end. Even so, it didn't last long.

When Steve pulled back he looked surprised, but he was smiling. "What was that for?"

"Something else for us to remember when this rolls around again next year," Eddie said.

Steve's smile softened, and Eddie felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. "I like the sound of that," he said. "Maybe we should keep practicing, to have something even better to remember next year."

Eddie laughed, but when Steve leaned in again, he was happy to meet in the middle.

[not-goldy]

I think a lot of ship fights might be put to rest if Jungkook starts being more vocal about his relationship with the members.

Right now it's usually Tae and Jimin talking. Jimin actually reduced a lot now and Tae has just increased.

Jungkook can always speak more. Just more about regular things. Like I was out with Jimin, or I called Jimin or I ate with Jimin, you know basic things so Jimin doesn't get called a liar everytime coz JK never says anything to confirm.

Who's calling Jimin a liar???

Give me a lock of their hair☠

Also I don't think he's saying much these days either which to me is a very good thing. Silence is Golden.

On the part of Jungkook I see what you mean but I might have to respectfully disagree with you on this.

He tells and shows just as much. I mean had it not been for Jungkook we wouldn't know most of thr Jikook tea we know today. Their fights, Jimin staying up all night to browse the internet, them sharing a bed, Jungkook elbowing Jimin, their travel show, jikook stonewalling eachother etc

Jimin likes to talk about them but I feel he's very selective in the things he shares. While Kook doesn't have much of a filter so he'll share anything as and when the good and the bad and anything that leaves a lasting impact on him.

Eating Ramen on live- oh that reminds me of the Ramen Jimin and I ate yesterday. We were exercising at the gym last night. Proceeds to akiki over something random Jimin said and did when no one asked. Things like that.

Also, they are both triggered to share by different things. They both may share sometimes just to rub it in our faces. But for Jungkook it's usually when some members make it seem like they are more close to JM than him. He may not care what you or I think of their dynamic because we don't bother him much and he doesn't see us as a threat. Just a bunch of nuisance. However if there was someone present with them in a moment he felt threatened their dynamic he would get triggered sometimes.

Jimin cares about how you and I perceive their relationship. He is rarely bothered by the people around them- except for that one time with V where he felt he needed to assert himself. Even that I feel it was more because we were present on the live.

He cares about these things. So sometimes, sometimes, he likes to talk good about their relationship to us. And he likes to show off his man too. He gets giddy excited when Kook does things for him and he likes to share that too. He's more inclined to let us know he got the price you know, mah man treats me so well kinda shit. My man rich kinda shit. My man man man kinda shit.

Jungkook does this too. He just doesn't do it with words. He does it by bringing Jimin up every five seconds, forces us to watch ours and hours of Jimin content, and laughs all to himself while doing it🥴

They both whipped as fuck

And the fact he would follow Jimin around with a camera make him the focus of his attention zoom in on his face and lips-

He may not have to prove anything and he may not be questioned as much as Jimin is questioned because most times he comes with receipts.

I think what I all comes down to is people questions Jimin's assertions more than they do Jungkook's. Jimin gets called a liar when he shares more than Jungkook does.

I think it's the same for Taehyung. People question the intentions behind him showing off their dynamics more so than they would Jin Jungkook or any other member.

When Jungkook posts Jimin he is ship feeding. No one is assuming he is doing so to piss off certain groups of fans or to incite his shippers. When Tae does it, he is trying to incite his toxic shippers and to piss off jokers.

I think they may have contributed to these assumptions because time and again vmin are the members who frequently say they are taking pictures with Jungkook for "fans". So it stands to reason that people would assume they are fanning shipping flames when they post pictures with Jungkook or speak of their interactions with him

I won't lie to you, I have lost my train of thought 🥲

[flownwrong]

chaotic ckr c6d squee propaganda (?) post

This, started half a year ago for @ds30below, was initially a general c6d short reviews post but kinda skewed majorly towards CKR's repertoire and wasn't too review-y. So I gave up on making sense and on including the non-CKR works. I don't know who the audience for this is, because I never give basic details for people who don't know about this stuff but say too much for those who do. I giffed what I could and tried to avoid what I know a lot about but haven't actually seen. Here goes.

Frank's Cock (1993)

Not much to say. It's only 8 minutes, it's beautiful and you should see it if you haven't. I won't spoil the subject, but you can likely guess. Watch it, cry a little. Then go watch some more of Mike Hoolboom's stuff, the vimeo link above is from his channel.

Two X-Files episodes (1994 – 1995)

Well, I haven't actually seen X-files since I was about fifteen and watched the like two seasons, and I remember none of it. I rewatched the two early episodes CKR appears in and they were fun. I did not watch the, the movie or whatever where he's doing the evil gay thing. But really, this one is on the list so I can show you this self-indulgent gif of him being Very Long:

Double Happiness (1994)

You shouldn't watch this one for CKR. I mean, you absolutely should see him here, looking like he's barely out of his teens and playing up the insecure act and having devastating chemistry with devastatingly beautiful Sandra Oh, but this is not why it's great. And it's really, really great. It's touching and funny and sincere. If you wanna have some feels about complicated family relationships and identity and growing up (at any point in life), you'll find them here.

Curtis's Charm (1995)

Don't regret watching it, can't recommend. Not gonna lie, I was emotionally affected. But I usually am by things as in-your-face bleak as this. Mostly, it's trying very hard to be smarter than it is, I think.

However: CKR's One Wild Curl is everything to me (see above, on the right. It was, like, actually curly. I was rendered speechless). And like two seconds of Hugh Dillon made me do a double-take, lol. Incredibly weird knowing this was shot like half a year before HCL began shooting. Feels like it must've been a decade earlier.

Hard Core Logo (1996)

I could make three separate posts about this one, so of course I have no idea what to say.

This one, you should watch for CKR, actually, he's something, but so is every single other aspect of this film. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It hits you like a 16 wheeler. Perfectly cast, unimaginably beautiful, hysterical and melancholy and disgusting and compelling.

Related recs:

A wonderfully fun article/retrospective/interview for its 20th anniversary a while back.

You should also absolutely read Hard Core Roadshow if you enjoyed the film. It's a book documenting the whole thing from conception to release. It touched me for its own sake, not just a backstage glance, full of love for the craft and the people and carrying this tangible bittersweetness about the heightened and fleeting nature of this kind of work.

(here, I feel compelled to include a quote from another c6d-related interview on Slings & Arrows, which I read after the book and went like man, it's really a universal experience isn't it.

Coyne: <...> But I also think, and this is my experience, what we were all experiencing, because we were all talking about our lives, our life in the arts — there’s something very melancholy about doing something you love, because it will never be good enough, it will always break your heart.

McKinney: Or it will be fleeting.

Coyne: It’ll be fleeting. You come together with people you feel passionately connected to and two weeks later they’re tearing down the sets.)

Quotes from the article and the book respectively include:

McDonald: So there was a kind of mutual dependency society with Hugh telling Callum, “Don’t worry, man, I got your back, I’ll tell you how high or low to wear your guitar, I’ll tell you how you should dress, I’ll tell you what you should drink…” and Callum was like, “I’ll tell you what hitting your mark is, I’ll tell you why they pull out fucking tape measures, I’ll tell you why you have to do it again, I’ll tell you about not overlapping dialogue..” and you know they clung to each other, like the other one was gonna fucking save them.

And:

A final gathering at the back of the tour bus with Bruce, Callum, Hugh, Bernie. We listen to the tape of HCL songs, all the way through, one last time. And we belt the words out. Bernie sings loudest, performing for Salerno's camera. Hugh and Callum sit back, looks of sadness. I get the sense that if they could do it, they'd chuck their lives and be Joe Dick and Billy Tallent forever. Callum leans to Bruce and says exactly what everyone else is thinking: "I don't want it to end."

There's much more to both texts than *gestures* the whatever those two had, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

And Xeriscape is the best HCL fic I've read. Granted, I read very few because it's not a source that creates in me a craving for fic. But this one perfectly matches the film's fucked up beauty with its language while also adding a quieter, more fraught layer of humanity that we only get glimpses of in canon and that perfectly fits John. 10/10, would recommend.

Anyway. Watch it. Read it. If you haven't. Otherwise, come scream with meeee! And go reblog my gifs or something. Idk.

Letters From Home (1996)

Mike Hoolboom strikes again, with another short. This goes into the "don't watch it for CKR, watch it because it's great" box. Yes, you will cry.

For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down (1996)

Another bleak one! It sucked to watch, I mean, on purpose. There were a couple of very effective scenes. I really enjoyed the opening. They say the book is decent too, I haven't checked that out.

Actually, let's just switch back from coherent thought to undignified staring at his mouth with this one. What the fuck is that cigarette thing. I couldn't help myself.

Last Night (1998)

These gifs are not representative of the whole movie. There is more happening than CKR kissing or hugging people. He's also doing more than just kissing and hugging. It's all very... impressive.

Guess who's also here again? Sandra Oh! And say hi to Don McKellar, who is an absolute champion for writing/directing/starring. You'll be seeing more of him.

Another one for the "watch it for its own sake" box. Seriously, that late 90s indie stuff is banger after banger. It's so beautiful! Look at those colours! Look at those shots! It's very uneasy and charming and melanchioly and itself in the best way.

Twitch City (1998 – 2000)

Don McKellar is back to murder you with discomfort! Bruce McDonald lends a hand. Molly Parker is also here. And Daniel McIvor, who'd go on to direct, for example, Wilby Wonderful. It's a party. If you watched some stuff from above (or below) on this list, most faces and names will be familiar to you, tbh (another Hugh Dillon double-take happens).

If you liked Spaced, you'll love this. You might also love it because it commits to its weirdness with an admirable resolve and is genuinely hilarious. (Honestly, CKR's outfits alone warrant a watch.) The idiosyncrasy is definitely Don McKellar's doing 200%. It couldn't be more different from Last Night, but if you've seen one, you'll recognise the other.

Battlestar Galactica (2003 – 2009)

I don't think a person should be allowed to look this pretty in the sweaty-and-dying makeup in that light (this sentence probably looks very weird to those not under the CKR magic spell).

I don't know what to say about BSG because I really, really enjoyed early it initially, but by the middle of S2 it got... well, whatever that was. If you know you know, if you don't, still give it a go. You might get invested enough to suffer through it all, as I have been, slowly.

The unfortunate thing is that CKR got to be there mostly in the "what the fuck" years and not the "wow that's so cool" years. That, as you might be aware, is a pattern with him. But! When he was here, he was so genuinely, wonderfully creepy not in the typecast-baddy way, but in this slow, half-absent way, which really worked. You can also see him tortured a little, as a treat!! <3

Also, a wild John Pyper-Ferguson appears! If you're looking at him thinking you know him from somewhere but not immediately remembering, you'll figure it out, I believe in you. I was very happy to see him.

Wilby Wonderful (2004)

Another win for the put CKR in more good shit team!!! Guess who's here again? Sandra Oh! Also, Paul Gross. Don't watch it for him either though haha.

Another one for whoever wants to look at pushing against the weight of others' (or your own) expectations and growing into who you are or reconsidering who you are or finding meaningful connections with others even when you're kind of a mess and they are too.

Not nearly the first time CKR's gotten to play a queer character, but man, this one really is the heart of the in-universe community, and, through that, of the film. A rare chance to see him so far out of the prickly persona! He's just so solid and calm and there for others in this one and, and soft, ough. It's awesome.

By the way, if any of you have the commentary track or know someone who has, please drop me a line here or on discord (emotionalrisotto), I really wanna hear that.

Supernatural (2005)

I love Supernatural a lot. It was a formative experiences (albeit a very late one) and I owe a lot of my favourite stuff about fandom-ing to the buddies I met through it. I can't believe I'm telling you this (because who hasn't seen it, not because I'm reccing it), but you should really try it if you haven't. It's pretty rad.

I had no idea who this guy was when I saw that episode (the second ever one!), though. I simply cannot fathom what @nigeltde-fic felt when she first saw it. I think I personally got very lucky she didn't combust on the spot. It would've been unfortunate.

On a sillier note, CKR's character has weird tension with both Sam and Dean in this episode, which is par for the course. I personally think they should've... no, I shan't say it. You can probably imagine.

Californication (2008 – 2013)

I haven't actually seen it, lol (and I suspect I won't enjoy it, but I'm very curious and also CKR looks really really good).

The real reason for this one on the list is to share a fic rec. Really, it's a due South F/K fic featuring Lew Ashby. It's ridiculously hot and very satisfying in its romantic resolution, too (but then, I'm kind of big on selfcest. And consensual voyeurism. And pretend relationships when done like this. And sublimated yearning. Erm.)

Shattered (2010 – 2011)

I wish this never happened. I badly, badly wish this never happened. I can't turn back time, but I can warn those luckier than me: do not go there. Yes, even for this dude. You'll sleep better not knowing just what it is he was the EP on. And the only important part — the mascara — can be seen above (yes, the show does look that bad, it's not just the gifs).

Just kidding — I watched it, didn't I? You'll have fun hating it! Just prepare for industrial grade cringe, lower your expectations (No, lower. No, still lower than that. And just a bit more.) and you'll have a great time!

Star trek: Discovery (2024)

Or, as I call it, Star Trek: The Mediocre Show. Discovery S5 was... what it was, but it was a wonderful viewing experience — mostly thanks to the gang (@kittkatk and @feroxargentea especially!)

What a joy it is, to follow a show week by week, yelling and laughing and discussing the whole time. And giffing, too. I was very happy to contribute to the Disco fandom from my own little obsessive corner, and I was glad to see people adoring Rayner, haha.

He's a pretty neat character — very much a stereotype, yes, but with CKR's usual twist of odd vulnerability and weirdness. Also, I loved the ears. I miss the ears. The ears were great.

I even wrote a fic! Although it's not within my usual range to write for canons and universes I don't know well — and back then, I'd only seen S5 of Disco. It was a lot of suffering, and a lot of fun.

Closing thoughts

I'd really love the dude to get a better agent. And possibly better taste, but I realise that's a tougher ask. Seriously, it's been too long since he was in something majorly cool. I'm grateful to him, at least, for not making terrible music on the side. And I still have a lot of his back catalogue to get through, some of it even good, so there will be more insanity. Until then!

[therantingsage]

Blogtember prompts 11-20, once again courtesy of @mod-jazzy / @jazzy-art-time! Had some fun ones this time around!

Once again, elaborations under the cut:

Day 11: Tbh I try to make most of my OCs easy to draw so I wasn't sure who to pick for this. Ended up deciding on Neura, because she really takes no effort.

Day 12: I wouldn't say Maximus is by any means the most difficult character to draw, but I distinctly remember hating having to draw him back when totemrodents was still around. His shape was annoying and I could never keep the size of his ears consistent. So I felt it would be fitting to give it one more go for old times sake.

Day 13: painted-pokes barely existed, it got zero asks and like 6 followers total, but I remember liking the vague ideas I had about the characters and setting. But looking back on the last post I ever made on there, I realized how AWFUL it looked and just NEEDED to do it more justice. Hi Inverse bye Inverse

Day 14: Paleo is the character who gets the most physical abuse in all of my blogs I'm pretty sure. I didn't want to draw how he lost his foot, cuz that's a major plot spoiler. And I didn't want to draw the scene where he got the back scar, because I couldn't figure out the framing for it. So instead. Future injury :) I'm not elaborating :)

Day 15: Haha anyway happy family on the beach! Once I get to the part of fugamsemidei's plot where they go on their Plate Quest it's gonna be so fun to draw. Much more levity in that part of the plot

Day 16: Hi Jazzy!!!!!! Hi hi hi Jazzy I drew your lizard!!!!! I wouldn't say Jody's blog is my favorite blog of yours, I honestly couldn't tell you what my favorite is I like them all a lot (gun to my head I'd probably say wastelandlabs or flakenrudy). But! Jody is your favorite blorbo and I've never actually drawn proper Jody fanart for you!!!!!! So here she is!!!!!!!

Day 17: I don't think I've ever elaborated on Cootenany? He's a Xatu/Absol hybrid who lives in the facility. He's like half the reason most of the plot happens. I cut out the part of the conversation telling the ACTUAL prophesy he's giving right here cuz I want to keep that a secret for later, but I at least wanted to draw him cuz I don't think I have more than once.

Day 18: I thought really hard about it but I don't think I really.....cut out parts of stories very much? Or at least if I do I usually do it early enough in the plotting stage that nothing but random thoughts exist of it. So the only thing I could come up with for this one was Spoop the Ditto. Initially they were just....a regular Ditto with nothing special going on? Just the youngster of my Phantump group. But now they're like. An actual character with plot importance in lots of places. Idk when I'm ever getting to that but it's something.

Day 19: I have definitely not mentioned either of them anywhere, but all my blogs are in the same universe! And this is the og Arceus and Mew of that Universe! Dhaha and Leonen! The only blog I think they'll ever be relevant in is fugamsemidei for obvious reasons but yeah. Them. They're buddies :3

Day 20: Lucy...oh no Lucy, your whimsy....they stolt it away from u....

[wangsejabin]

Chapter 112

These words instantly made Pan'er wake up with a jolt.

   What, is he planning to appoint a crown prince?

   When the emperor ascends to the throne, apart from sealing the palace, one of the most important things he should consider is the creation of a crown prince.

   After all, the crown prince is the foundation of the state, and most people who become emperor are not young, and most of them have already had sons, and more than one. It is a common belief that many sons are a blessing, but if you look at the royal family, you can see that sometimes this is not always true.

   As the sons grow older, they are surrounded by more and more subordinates, tangible and intangible, subconscious and subconscious, and everyone is betting on them. Can the family prosper for another hundred years? Who doesn't want to last forever?

   In her previous life, at first she never dared to think that Zong Yue could sit in the emperor's seat, after all, the crown prince's position was as secure as a mountain. It was only later, when there was a hint of it, and she found out that Zong Yue also had that kind of mind, that she gradually moved her mind.

But before that, that is, before Zong Cong mentioned it, she had not thought about it at all, and probably subconsciously felt that many things had changed in this life, so she did not think about it. She thought that Zong Yue was still young and did not need to think about this for the time being, but at this moment, Zong Cong's words made her wake up at once.

   How to answer?

   Although she and he were now getting to know each other better, and there was a little bit of heart-to-heart between them, and he was willing to talk to her about things that bothered her, these trivial matters were not the same as setting up a crown prince.

   The crown prince was too sensitive, especially as she had given birth to the second son, Zong Yue.

So she turned over in his arms and said, "Your Majesty, that's a strange question to ask, I've never been a crown prince, how do I know whether it's good or bad to be one? This should be asked of Your Majesty, weren't you the Crown Prince before?"

   "I used to be the crown prince, but a long time ago, I actually didn't want to be the crown prince."

Pan'er fell silent, and Zong Cong did not speak either, falling into memory.

Everyone thought that the crown prince was above all others, the future Emperor, and that he must have been a great success and highly valued. But they did not know that all this was a shackle, an existence that made them walk on thin ice.

The memories of the past, which Zong Cong never wanted to recall, were the days when he carried his mother and himself on his back, the days when he studied hard behind the scenes but pretended to be light-hearted on the surface, the days when he pretended to be generous even when he was angry, the days when he laughed in the face even when he knew that he was up to no good, the days when he had to tense his nerves every day, the days when he forced himself to be thorough and never missed a beat, and the days when he was not able to be a good friend. ......

Therefore, when he saw that Zong Duo seemed to be following his old path, Zong Cong's feelings were very complicated.

   If he was in good health, he might have been relieved in his complexity, but he was not in good health and had to compete with Zong Yue.

   But he could not blame the child, accuse him of not working too hard, and as for Zong Yue, he was even more innocent, was it a fault that he was smart and good at reading and had a competitive spirit?

Zong Cong could foresee that when the dust had settled, the court would definitely start a heated debate on the crown prince.

   What should we do when the time comes?

"Brother Cong you'd better not think too much about it, after all those things have passed, you're now the emperor, I remember you told me before that you had a lot of things to do? You still have so many important big things to do, so why do you need to think about these small things."

   Yes, he still had a lot of big things to do.

It must be said that Pan'er was still quite good at comforting, no, diverting, and Zong Cong's attention was soon diverted to his government affairs.

   He was lost in thought, his hand stroking her back with one hand, while Pan'er breathed a soft sigh of relief.

   --

   It was clearly a cold day, but Empress Chen was very active, asking daily about the progress of the Ning Shou Palace's repairs.

   It was the first year of the new emperor's ascension to the throne, so it was particularly significant that the Ning Shou Palace had not been repaired, and Empress Fu could not move out of the Kun Ning Palace.

   Two snowstorms in a row meant that repairs had to be suspended.

   Empress Chen was anxious but could not say anything on the surface. At the same time, Zong Duo fell ill again and although he was only coughing, he was still not well for half a month, which added fuel to the fire.

This was to be followed by the ceremony of the enthronement of the Empress and the investiture of all the concubines in the Eastern Palace.

After this, they have all become official and rightful ladies, although not yet moved to the palace, but several lower ranking concubines would not be able to be the master of a palace and instead would live under the supervision of a more senior concubine.

Kunning Palace and Jingren Palace is naturally out of the question, one is the empress residence, one is Su Guifei's residence. Su Guifei has always been solitary, and no one was allowed close, she's just favoured like that, it is not possible to get a person to their own palace to share favor. The only thing that remains is the palace of Consort Hu Shufei Zhou Xianfei and others.

At first, when Hu Shufei saw the frequent visits of Qian Guiren and others, she was a little surprised at what they were doing there. But she was always a meat and potatoes kind of person, and she was also a big fan of watching the fun, so she met them.

   The two of them were sent away in a rare outburst of anger.

   Qian Qiao and the two of them were still a bit aggrieved, so if they didn't want to, why did they have to get so angry? When the concubine Li found out about this, she even went to laugh at them.

   "If you don't go to Concubine Su's place and run to Concubine Hu's, you're clearly saying that she's not in favour and needs your help?"

Qian Qiao and the two of them realized that they still had no choice but to go there, otherwise each of the six eastern palaces would be dominated, what if none of them wanted them or if they were given to concubine Li by the Empress?

   They went back to Consort Xu, who was very decisive and refused on the grounds that the Fifth Prince had recently been unwell and it was inappropriate for someone to visit him.

After these two incidents, Consort De was not stupid either, so the Sixth County Princess were also a little uncomfortable.

   So there were only two concubines left, Li and Zhao.

   At this point, concubine Li was so pleased with herself that you didn't want to live in my palace because you didn't like me, so what are you doing here? The door was closed, and the concubine Zhao's place had been very busy lately.

These are all things that Pan'er heard from the people below her, just like listening to a book, and after listening to it,

After hearing this she poured cold water on the situation: "Even the Empress has not moved her palace, where else would the others want to move?

In fact, Pan'er's words proved true, and it was only a few days before the New Year's Eve that Empress Chen finally realised in despair that she would not be able to move this year and would have to stay in the Eastern Palace.

   There was no need to think about the congratulations of the first wife, or about being worshipped on the phoenix throne.

On New Year's Eve, Zong Cong hosted a family banquet at Qianqing Palace. There were many people there, including princes and their families, some close relatives, the Grand Empress Dowager, the Empress Dowager, several imperial concubines and the ladies of the Eastern Palace.

   The atmosphere was very cordial and, although it may have been somewhat of an illusion, at least it proved that the majority of the people had come to terms with the reality of the new emperor's accession to the throne.

After the family feast, Zong Cong led the crowd to the Hall of the Nurtured Heart to visit the emperor.

This New Year's Eve, the Hall of the Nurtured Heart is probably the only place in the entire Forbidden City where there is no festive atmosphere, as the emperor has to recuperate from his illness and naturally needs quiet, especially since the emperor has been ill and cannot speak, his temper is getting worse every day, and the servants are all cautious and downcast as they wait on the sidelines.

   The crowd of people dressed in auspicious clothes visiting the Emperor looked particularly sarcastic.

   After all, it was not easy for the new emperor to think of the emperor at this point in his life, and even if he did, he was still being filial.

It was the emperor who seemed unusually unsettled, his mouth ahhhhh and not knowing what he was saying, but no one paid any attention to this.

The only one who took advantage of the Emperor's performance was the Prince of Qi, who made a fuss, reprimanding his lackeys for not serving him well, and saying that Zong Cong was treating the Emperor with apparent filial piety, but in fact he was secretly having people sparring with him, otherwise the Emperor would have behaved like this?

   But no one believed him, not to mention the fact that so many imperial concubines were present and had to queue up every day to attend to their illnesses. It was Pan'er's idea for Zong Cong to attend to his illness, but it was a lie to avoid suspicion. The Prince of Qi is being unreasonable, and at the same time, he is at the end of his rope.

After all, if he really had a solution for Zong Cong, why would he make a fuss over such a trivial matter? There were many clansmen present, and they all had their own opinions.

On the first day of the first month, the new emperor paid homage to his ancestors at the Imperial Temple, and announced the change of the reign name to Jianying.

   At the same time, the Kunning Palace was also bustling with activity.

   The Empress Dowager Fu was in the centre, Empress Chen was on the lower left, and the concubines of the new emperor, including Pan'er, were standing on either side.

   They were all dressed in gorgeous gowns, and it was difficult for the Home Office to rush so many gowns, but the momentum was really something like a new year.

But it's not a new year, since the fifth day of the first month, Zong Cong opened the seal, Zong Cong was all kinds of big action.

The first thing he did was to tell Empress Chen that her father had been made a marquis.

   This is a distinction that only imperial relatives can have, and it is usually added to the shade of the mother's family when the empress is crowned, but it is a lower rank than in the previous life, when it was a dukedom.

   Empress Chen was so happy and pleased that when Pan'er went to pay her respects, she could see the joy on her face.

   But as a result, Empress Chen was even more anxious to move the palace, and after the first month was over, she was concerned about the repair of the Ning Shou Palace.

   In the meantime, the six eastern palaces were also undergoing simple renovations, the only major one being the Jingren Palace, the residence of the princesses and the three southern houses where the imperial sons lived.

   In time for March, Zong Duo and Zong Yue moved to the South Third House, and Pan'er made several trips there to see the new paint, new doors and windows, new furniture and furnishings, and she also opened a special storehouse and added a lot of furnishings and other things for Zong Yue.

   In April, the Ning Shou Palace was finally repaired.

   Empress Chen personally supervised the decoration and furnishings inside, and waited for half a month after everything was finished before carefully mentioning that the Ning Shou Palace had been repaired when she went to the Kun Ning Palace to pay her respects.

Pan'er was present at the time, and now that she is a consort of the new emperor, she naturally cannot be as lazy as before.

The Empress Court was not the only one, but there was still the Empress Dowager and the Empress Dowager, so she could not wait around for the concubines to come to pay their respects, so she gathered at Kunning Palace and paid her respects to Empress Dowager Fu, and then went to Cining Palace to pay her respects to the Grand Empress Dowager at her discretion.

It is not that Empress Dowager Fu is not willing to go, but the Empress Dowager also knows that she is old, every day tossing and turning disgusting, a month only on the first fifteen to come to ask for peace she will not say anything, other times to come to her are too noisy, and over time to go gradually less and less.

   Although Empress Chen had already been very particular about the way she spoke, and did not open the door to the princesses, but made a reference to the courtyard where they lived, Pan'er still saw Empress Fu and Nianqiu beside her glance at each other.

   The gesture was a little more meaningful.

   So the Empress was no ordinary person, Pan'er sighed once more.

   It wasn't that Empress Dowager Fu had tasted the hardships of being an empress before, and now she had to pick on Empress Chen. You think that the palace is so big, some of Empress Chen's actions will not fall on deaf ears, watching the repair process of Ning Shou Palace, at best filial obedience, at worst is eager to let Empress Fu move out of Kun Ning Palace.

But it's also true that she, the empress, wants to move into the Kunning Palace in a hurry.

   So the hearts of the people are like this, no one is wrong, but it is inadvertently in everyday life that countless conflicts are gathered.

   Fortunately, this had nothing to do with her, and Pan'er was sincerely grateful.

   Empress Fu didn't delay much and ordered her minions to pack up the next day. She had been Empress for many years and had lived in Kunning Palace for decades, so there was as much stuff as one could imagine.

When Zong Cong heard about this, he even made a special trip, saying that the Ning Shou Palace had just been repaired and that it would be better to wait for the paint inside to dissipate for a while before moving it, as there was no rush anyway.

   The Empress Dowager didn't say anything, she just said to move the things over slowly first.

When Zong Cong came out, Nianci told him what had happened yesterday.

He asked Pan'er why she knew.

It was because it happened that she had been recruited to go to Qianqing Palace that day, and Zong Cong had a rare moment of anger in front of her, demonstrating his displeasure with Empress Chen.

   He was becoming less and less shy of Pan'er, but Pan'er was anxious. You say he said something bad about the Empress in front of her, should she, as a favoured concubine, to advise, or not advise?

[naamahdarling]

You know what? You know what I think?

I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.

The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.

I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.

But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.

We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.

That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.

I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.

Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.

I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

[sharplimeade]

hc that Hatake females grow fur in between their breasts because their body recognized that the children weren't surviving long enough after childbirth so it provided a way to keep them warmer (ex. put that baby in fur when it's too windy or smth) and somewhat hide them from any "predators" (ninjas basically)

(changed this post up a bit bcuz another post gave me something to think about so I'll put what I sort of changed here:

The Hatakes being a somewhat migratory clan that will to places that are early spring wait will early autumn to leave and then travel through mid-winter

them traveling through mid winter also fits with headcanon as winter winds can be especially harsh on kids so having fur to hide in would raise birthrates (is that the right word?)

also i fit in the dog characteristic by having the Hatake's also herd animals as well as farm so the dogs could come in as helpers and do some weird chakra partnership thing that gives both qualities of the other to become more in tune

i dont rlly know anything about farming or herding tho so take what I say with a lot of salt

[polaroid-petals]

I'm this close to writing a fic where a few weeks post-confession, Hero has a dream where he gets the option to stab Basil in order for Mari to have never died, only for his knife to stab not this fictional dream version of Basil, but the real twelve-year-old one, whom he then slowly watches die as he's unable to save him from the gash in his stomach.

To his horror, as he wakes up four years after the murder with no memory of what happened afterwards, he learns that he covered up the murder, and he has no idea how or why he did it.

[mourn-and-watch]

one super important detail about carver's 'pro-templar' stance is that he openly admits that he never saw magic as a threat before kirkwall. he can be petty and constantly annoyed by his siblings being all magical and special but he never thought of them as abominations who need to be locked up for everyone's safety. kirkwall is the reason he starts to express doubts and we know how fucked up the veil here is.

if he joins the order, he does that out of necessity but i'd say he's also that rare templar who's motivated not by fear for himself but by fear for the people he cares about and at least one of them is a mage. this city is full of demons and abominations and blood magic, situation here is a lot more complicated than in ferelden and there's also his not-so-almighty mage sibling who doesn't seem to be concerned about this. even though they can be killed by one of these things. even though they can become one of them.

also he desperately needs purpose and if he was never taken to the expedition he finds one and does so by his own choice. and for the moment he thinks it's the right thing to do but the order never helps him resolve his doubts. he's never proven wrong because there are still demons and abominations threating the city. he's never proven right because some things templars do are completely unjustifiable and straight up cruel. this is not the purpose he wanted. this is not the reason worth deeping the rift between him and his sibling even more than it already was but it's too late to quit just like that. it's not like he despised the templars. it's not like he didn't understand them completely. but the way he bitterly says "you don't understand this life. i didn't" to sebastian summarises how complicated his time in the order was all along

[humanmorph]

what did brnine do to asepsis anyways

... is what I wanted to make the post about (I'll elaborate) but I was looking through a transcript for info & this is so funny to me. Keith

I should make a compilation sometime bc last week Ali said something about integrity that reminded me of a specific lyke moment & made me laugh... I knew I wrote it down somewhere I just can't find it now.

[turtlemagnum]

when i was younger and hung out around my uncle a lot more than i do now, i remember whenever he referred to things regarding his native heritage, he always just called it "indian". called himself an indian, called the words he taught us indian, so on. since i was a little kid who didn't know any better, i didn't know that "indian" in the context of indigenous americans was a very broad, frankly bastardized term to paint a vast variety of cultures spanning two whole damn continents with one brush. it only occurred to me as i got much older than i was at the time that there'd be more than one "indian" language, and up until now since i had no idea what tribe(s) he even is i couldn't even begin to know where to look unless i found a download of every goddamn interlingual dictionary available and painstakingly checked every godddamn one for what their word for "thunder" is

the word he taught us meant thunder was hiloha. i didn't even know how to spell it until now, because he only ever said it aloud. literally just a few minutes ago, i decided to ask my grandma (his sister) if we knew what tribe(s) he belonged to. and apparently he's a mix of choctaw and makah. which gave me a lead, which led to me finding a dictionary on libgen, which led to me word searching "thunder" in the choctaw to english dictionary. it's the only word i remember him teaching us, and i'm unsure if he ever tried teaching us others. but it was his dogs name, and he was a damn good boy, so i remembered it clear as day. though, they normally shortened it to "hilo".

so, i guess what came out of this is that i now know a bit more about my uncle's heritage, and where to look for more research. so, if you're gonna have a takeaway from this, i'd appreciate it if you remembered the word "hiloha". it means thunder. and aside from being the name of a very good boy who deserves to be remembered, i think it's even more important to remember the histories, cultures, and of course the languages of all the indigenous folks who came before us and did their damndest to preserve their cultures in spite of it all.

[running-in-the-dark]

great. my family has started 'joking' about our upcoming move, and especially about how long it took to unpack everything last time.

yeah that's so funny! it's not like that had anything to do with the fact that it was entirely just me doing all of the unpacking, organising, arranging things, building/reassembling the furniture and everything. and maybe also the fact that right before we moved I was in hospital, during the first month I had several very bad gallbladder attacks, and then had two surgeries a month apart, one of which meant I couldn't lift shit for like a month and the other meant I was in pain whenever I moved my head for several weeks :)

could that have anything to do with how long it took? nah it's just that I have too much stuff and also I'm lazy :)