#vaguely since he's drawing rob in one of them

[goldenfox3]

Happy Birthday to our shining light, our Summer sun, Andy Summer 🥳🎊🎉🌞

[welcometogrouchland]

mm. Fear

[turndecassette2]

Is it ok if i can ask you how do you go about studying/drawing Heads and faces? i know this is a very broad questions but lets say you were coming up with a character for a new comic, when you go about creating characters what do you pay attention to the most and spend your time thinking about and make soure you got it right?

i love the way you draw faces, it dosnt feel anime and i love the little lines under the eye tear duck :D

Hope this question make sense!

Cilgia

(sorry re-reading your question this answer might be too rambl-y & off the mark. but am leaving this up in case someone finds it helpful)

I have a terrible tendency to just design characters 'on the page' since when I have a perfect sketch I tend to lose that 'look' once I get to the actual comic. idk the 'drawing academy' in viborg had us do a lot of portraits of each-other (you can prob recruit friends/relatives for this if you have any) & when I have time I like to draw ppl at cafés and such, so I have a mental library of face shapes.

in general: like w everything else I think it's good to hoard reference eg models, sports guys etc that have fun faces. put them in a folder on your computer for when you need a nose, good set of eyebrows etc. I've had various folders like this that inevitably get lost when my computer dies ha ha

also just referencing for vibes:

tiger guy from 'world heist' was conceptualised as part corto maltese, part jason momoa as duncan idaho, or my mental image of what the latter would look like, + a vague memory of rob lucci the cat man from one piece (I can't believe I know the names of so many OP characters. or dune characters for that matter)

but then in the end, he's just some guy, & he mostly looks good in profile

drawing the same person several times is hard. I need to standardise his facial markings but no-one seems to care.

'task' meanwhile is kinda a flatmate I had in college but w hair that I wanted to feel a bit 'rey ayanami' but also whatever I imagine a 'hacker' looks like (the cute kind you get in movies, not irl). just messy (ignore my presence in the below photo)

anyways if there's some trick to what I do it's having a wide range of influences

[acapelladitty]

chance encounter (Scriddler fic)

Summary: Based on this stunning artwork by @finzphoenix which asks what would happen if Edward and Jonathan stumbled across each other earlier in their careers as costumed criminals?

Fresh off an extended shift, his hours having been dragged out by a suicide attempt from one of the solitary inmates - a thoroughly selfish choice in his opinion since it had delayed his personal plans - Jonathan Crane was not feeling particularly forgiving as his feet trudged through the empty streets of Gotham while he made his way home.

His plans for the evening were simple; consisting of picking up a cheap dinner and locking himself away at his desk to refine the hypothetical formulas for his most recent compounds. Something was necessary to strengthen the molecular bonds and he had no doubt that a full belly, warmed by at least two fingers of gutrot whisky would prove the key components to assist him in finding success.

Distracted by his thoughts, he didn't see the other man pounding towards him on the sidewalk until it was too late to prevent disaster.

Colliding at the chest with matching grunts of surprise, Jonthan was only just able to maintain his balance as he swayed precariously for a moment before planting his left foot behind him to stabilise his frame. The other man was not so lucky as his grunt of surprise dissolved into a hiss of pain as he fell backwards onto his ass; the papers in his hands spilling out to the dry ground with a panicked flutter of movement.

Jonathan took a moment to catch his breath as the fallen man quickly switched positions, his legs swinging around to allow him to bend forward on his knees - his hands rapidly collecting up his disjointed documents.

"Perhaps a visit to the optometrist if you are unable to see where you are going."

Jonathan heard the words as clear as day from a voice which held a showman quality, a smug clarity writhing within each syllable, and his expression soured as shock quickly turned to dismissal as his gaze dropped properly to the fallen man.

Hair a rich shade of darkened brown, the shape of it was coiffed into a comfortable style that kept the strands free of his frowning forehead. A dull white shirt paired with a blue vest jumper and dark slacks spoke of a career in technology, probably some form of IT from the lanyard which hung around his pale neck and remained unreadable from this angle.

"By all means," the man continued with a scathing tone as he remained facing the ground and snatching up his papers, "continue to watch me clear your mess as you stand there doing noth- oh."

His knees cold and uncomfortable as they pressed against the uneven ground, Edward was uncharacteristically lost for words as he finally glanced up at the tall man who loomed over him like the night sky. His body blocking most of the limited light available, Edward had to squint to truly make out his appearance and doing so had momentarily robbed him of his silver tongue and scornful words.

A shiver ran down his spine and it had nothing to do with the cold evening air. Icy, dark eyes met his own and the intensity of them was not marred in the slightest by the wire-rimmed glasses which perched atop the proud nose which sneered down at him. Thin lips and jagged features paired with a similar frame but Edward found himself unable to draw his gaze away from those eyes - the darkness making them seem almost predatory as a glint of something sparked a warning from the gloom.

With clothing which appeared old-fashioned and almost frayed in places, Edward's keen powers of deduction told him that his man worked as a doctor, more likely some kind of psychiatrist, as his appearance and the vague scent of hospital which clung to him suggested a clinical air that was hard to disguise.

"You seem to have it covered." Jonathan spoke after a moment, the younger man's silence having hung in the air for an awkward moment. "Surely picking up some paper is a one man job that you're more than capable of." Meeting the verbal disdain in kind, Jonathan allowed himself to indulge in his own appraisal.

The face of the kneeling man was young, almost boyish, but beset with an older man's worries as something heavy hung across his brow; a weight which gave voice to unspoken stresses. His mouth was fuller than his own and hanging slightly agape, his surprise seeming to have robbed him of some of his dignity, as his fingers splayed across the ground. Bright, emerald eyes shone from behind his glasses, the dark frames only enhancing the sparkling green below and Jonathan felt the dullest twinge of arousal as he tilted his head like a hawk.

Both men stared the other out for a long moment. It wasn't lost on Jonathan just how interesting it was that the other man seemed content to remain on his knees before him, making no effort to get up and try to even out the playing field by placing them on equal footing. For someone so clearly prideful, it held implications that he couldn't help but consider. Hell, it felt almost natural and Jonathan surprised himself with the odd thought; such base considerations typically beyond him as he focused on the things in life which mattered.

But his mind wandered.

Even with their short meet, he could smell the arrogance rolling off the other man and the small, dark part of him that only seemed to grow with age wished to see it broken. He would find himself silenced, that smart mouth put to better use as it serviced him willfully - his knees reddened and bruised by repeated use as he was shown how best to meet his wants. And if the lessons didn't take then perhaps he would benefit from testing out one of the experimental compounds he was developing in secret within the asylum, a toxin which would bring fear to light in any who consumed it.

Half-hard and thankful that the dark slacks and billowing hem of his tenchcoat would be enough to distract from it, Jonathan pushed past his wicked thoughts and held out a single hand to help the man to his feet.

Edward, broken out of his reverie with a startled glance at the thin fingers, accepted without thanks as he placed his papers in his free hand and stood to his feet.

Without another word, Jonathan released his hand and brushed past the openly flustered man with a staunch pace that brooked no further interactions. His offer of assistance was one born of selfishness as the rapid adjustment of his body gave him the perfect opportunity to gaze at his lanyard with a hawk-like precision.

Edward Nashton. GCPD.

Cyber Crimes Div.

With a name and a location, Jonathan pulled his coat tighter against his chilled frame as he refused to turn as take one final look back at Mr. Nashton.

Edward.

Smiling against the darkness which was quick to envelop him as he slipped down a side-alley, Jonathan had no doubt that he would be seeing him again.

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

after my post about steve being just as obsessed with eddie as he is with him, i had to write something for it. with a little extra transfem!stevie flavour bc i have a serious problem

also on ao3 here

Robin has had enough. She’s spent all this time telling Stevie she’d always be there for her, but this is where she draws the line.

Stevie’s staring at Eddie Munson again.

Robin looked up from her shitty cafeteria food when she heard a dreamy sigh come from her best friend. Stevie had that look on her face again, the hopelessly besotted one that made Robin sure cartoony little love hearts would start popping up next to her head. Robin followed her eyeline and, yep, there was Eddie Munson, super-senior leader of the dungeons and dragons club, sticking carrot sticks up his nose to the uproarious laughter of his group of nerd friends. Robin shook her head in appalled fascination.

“Stevie. Babes. Why.”

Stevie turned towards her, tilting her head in confusion. “Huh? Why what?”

Robin waved a hand towards Eddie’s table. “Your obsession with Eddie Munson. It baffles me.”

“Wh- I mean-” Stevie flushed, looking back across the cafeteria with a shy little smile. “Just look at him, Robs.”

“Yeah, I’m looking. He’s trying to sneeze out a carrot stick he got stuck in his nose.”

Stevie giggled. “I know, he’s so funny!”

Shaking her head, Robin placed a delicate hand on her friend’s arm. “You don’t have to do this, y’know. I know pickings have been slim since you came out, but like. You’re still a catch! You have options!”

Stevie frowns. Robin hadn’t wanted to say it, but she knew Stevie had taken her ‘fall from grace’ after she transitioned pretty hard. She’d gone from King of Hawkins High to near social untouchable, and the whiplash had her privately confessing to Robin that sometimes she felt unlovable, like no one would ever want her again. It was ridiculous, but Robin understood that insecurity. She combatted it by complimenting Stevie whenever she could. And now by trying to dissuade her best friend from falling ass over tits in love with the first weirdo to be nice to her post-transition.

“It’s not that. He’s just so…” Stevie waved her hands around vaguely, searching for a word to accurately describe the apparent wonder that was Eddie Munson. Across the cafeteria, Eddie finally got the carrot stick out of his nose. He threw it towards the bin a foot away and missed, spectacularly. “He’s himself. It’s nice.”

“He’s himself.”

“Yeah! Like, he’s passionate about everything he does, and he’s not afraid of being judged for anything. It’s nice! Most people aren’t like that.”

“Most people are definitely not like Eddie Munson.”

Stevie rolled her eyes at her friend’s flat tone. “Plus, he’s super hot. And you can’t say anything about that one- you’re too gay to be an accurate judge.”

Robin groaned. “Steph, he dresses like an 80s vampire.”

“He has a distinct style!”

“It’s distinct alright- hey!”

Stevie had apparently had enough of Robin’s bitching, reaching over and trapping her in a loving sisterly headlock. They scrapped for a couple minutes, nearly knocking both their lunches off the cafeteria table, before being interrupted with a light cough.

Both girls looked up, Stevie immediately blushing a gentle pink as Eddie Munson appeared before them. He seemed nervous, fiddling with his rings and chewing on his lip. Robin watched the two stare at each other, and oh god. Eddie was down just as bad as Stevie was. He giggled a little manically at Stevie’s attention, pulling a lock of hair in front of his face and hiding behind it.

“Hi, Eddie,” Stevie said in a little breathless tone that had Robin about five seconds away from face-palming. She considered pulling out her phone and recording this conversation, just so that next time Dustin implied Stevie was some kind of goddess of romance Robin could show him the dumb little face she made as she stared at Eddie Munson’s chapped lips. “What’s up?”

Eddie smiled, shuffling his feet a little. “Um, so, my band is playing this Thursday- oh! Wait, I got you something-” He rummaged around in his bag for a second, cursing under his breath, before he finally pulled out a slightly crumpled looking sunflower and presented it to Stevie with a flourish. “A sunflower! Just reminded me of you- because you’re so sunny. Also it kind of matches that sweater you like.”

Stevie’s grin was blinding. She took the flower like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. “Oh my god! This is- Eddie this is beautiful!”

Eddie grinned and bounced on the balls of his feet a little bit, as if Stevie’s acceptance of his gift had filled him with so much happiness he was in danger of floating away. It was, unfortunately, the cutest thing Robin had ever seen. 

“A beautiful flower for a beautiful girl,” he said, and the cringiness of the line had Robin taking back every positive thing she’d ever thought about him. Stevie seemed to enjoy it though, if the pleased blush that spread over her face was any indication. “But I wanted to ask you- totally cool if not, I know it’s not really your style- but I’ve been practising some new songs for y- I’ve been practising some new songs. So, yeah, if you wanted-”

“Eddie,” Stevie interrupted, smiling up at him and placing a gentle hand on his arm. Eddie turned bright red. “Thursday, right? It sounds fun, I’d love to come watch you play.”

“Really? Great! I can pick you up at seven?”

Stevie nodded happily, bringing the sunflower to her face and turning back to Eddie with another besotted grin. “Seven sounds perfect! I’ll see you then! Just let me- I’m gonna go put this in my locker so it doesn’t get squished, but- yeah, I’m really looking forward to it!”

Stevie stood up, grabbing her bag, and hurrying out of the cafeteria. When she reached the door, she turned back and gave Eddie a happy little wave, which he returned with a sort of dazed look on his face. As soon as she was out of the door, he did a weird little jump/fist-bump combination with a loud whoop that had everyone in the immediate vicinity looking over at him.

Robin cleared her throat pointedly.

Eddie looked at her with a sort of deer-in-headlights expression that honestly she appreciated. Let him be scared of her. “So,” she said. “You’re taking my best friend out.”

Eddie blushed a bit, smiling despite his apparent survival instinct. “Yeah,” he said, dreamily. “God, she’s so out of my league.”

“She is.”

“She’s just so… wow.”

“Eloquent.”

“One time I saw her bodily lift that curly-haired kid she babysits out of the way of a car. Like fully carry him a foot off the ground for five steps. And then yell at him for like ten minutes for being a dumbass. What a woman.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh, shit,” he said, looking down at Robin with a panicked look on his face. “You’re like, her sister basically, right? Was I supposed to get your permission to ask her out? Wait, no, that’s marriage. Later, then.”

“Okay, that’s enough of this,” Robin said, throwing her hands up and stalking out of the cafeteria, leaving a befuddled looking Eddie behind her.

They were just as bad as each other. Robin had a feeling she’d be cringing at those two at their wedding.

[vshthestmpede]

Headcanons for Vash getting a titjob from his girlfriend? I feel like he'd like them, Idk.

that thing i like - vash x reader (18+ minors dni!)

wc; 866 warnings; sexual content including bondage, titjobs(obviously) note; mannnnn does this sweet plant deserve all the things he likes, i'm down bad for this blondie. also! vague description of plant genitalia, nothing specific. masterlist | posted to ao3

the trip leading up to the quaint town you found yourself in was one of the more strenuous ones you had experienced since joining vash, wolfwood, meryl, and roberto. the car had died, leaving the five of you to push it for miles beneath the unrelenting sun while bandits consistently tried to take a shot at robbing your group blind — all attempts were unsuccessful.

after hours of pushing, sweating, complaining and arguing, the little inn the group stumbled upon was a blessing from the gods themselves. everyone checked into their respective rooms without as much as a whisper to another, their limits well beyond passed.

you laid spread-eagle on the bed, savoring the feeling of soft sheets and air conditioning while vash took up the bathroom. his soft hums paired with the sound of running water was drawing you close to falling asleep especially after such a draining day, yet all that came to a halt as soon as vash exited the bathroom.

"mayfly?" he called quietly, eliciting a hum of response yet you refused to lift your head. when you were met with silence, you turned over to face him and your eyebrows shot up. "i know we've had a long day but. . ."

he trailed off as you sat up with renewed energy, hungry eyes raking over his naked form. his hands gripped the ends of the towel that was draped over his shoulders, fidgeting with nerves. you neared the edge of the bed, your eyes never leaving his twitching member as he stumbled over his words.

"i-i was hoping you would, u-um, do that. . .that. . ." vash swallowed audibly as you reached out and grabbed him by the elbow, pulling him closer.

"'that' what, lovebug?" you teased, you voice more of a purr as you slowly peeled your shirt off and tossed it aside. "use your words, vash."

vash groaned, his hands aching to touch you yet you kept pushing them away all while trying to coax the words out of him with just a look.

"that. . .thing i like," vash murmured, face flushed. "please?"

you smirked and pulled vash to you by his hips, leading him onto the bed. as he sat up against the headboard, you littered his neck and collarbone with kisses and nibbles all while making your way down to where he needed you most. your lips ghosting over the tip of his needy member, you looked up smugly at the trail of blossoming hickies and vash's flustered expression. his chest rose and fell heavily as he gasped and panted, the phantom of a beg sitting on his tongue waiting to be spilled.

with a kiss to the tip, you moved your hands from his thighs to the back of your bra. with a swift movement, you unclasped and threw aside the bra, leaning your forearms on his thighs.

"you're so pretty like this," you mused, leaning your breasts close enough to brush against his member, causing vash to stiffen and let out a strangled moan. as an idea came to mind, you pushed yourself off of him and got off the bed, crossing the room and hastily rummaging through his suitcase.

"m-mayfly?" vash stammered as you turned back to him with his rarely seen necktie in your hands. "what're you—"

you climbed back on top of him, silencing him with your lips pressed to his. vash whined and groaned against your lips, completely at your mercy as you guided his wrists together above his head and wrapped the tie around them. pulling back from the kiss, you tightened the tie to the headboard with a confident tug. vash looked up at his wrists then to you, lips parted and pupils blown as he watched you lower yourself back down to between his legs.

leaning comfortably with your forearms back on his thighs, you enveloped his — now uncomfortably hard — member between your breasts. vash hissed in pleasure and threw his head back as you moved your chest slowly up and down his member, the plush feeling already pushing him closer and closer to the edge.

"does that feel good?" you teased, alternating between moving fast and slow. vash twisted and writhed beneath you, gasps and pants and moans filling the room like one of your favorite melodies.

"s-s'good," vash whined. "feels so, so — good!"

vash's voice raised an octave as he reached his climax, his seed painting lines from your chin to the tops of your breasts. you slowed your movements, wiping your face with the back of your hand as you sat back on your knees. vash, eyes closed and body twitching from his release, whined as he sat up, the tie discarded. you didn't even have time to question how long he had been free for before he pulled you to him, burying his face in your neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"feel better?" you asked quietly, carding your fingers through his hair as he pressed shaky kisses to your skin.

"very," he whispered into the crook of your neck before flipping you onto your back, the tie suddenly in his right hand as a mischievous glint appeared in his eyes. "now it's your turn."

[simplepotatofarmer]

premise: techno is a successful and feared pirate in a world where imperialism and government control are expanding, crushing anyone who disagrees beneath its boot. the ranks of the pirate factions are dwindling as they're hunted down. techno and his vague rival, dream, are some of the few that remain to push back.

when techno is captured and forced into working on a naval ship, he runs into a naval officer, phil, he had drinks with once, in what feels like another life. during his work stint, techno and phil bond and when rescue is imminent, techno offers phil and his two closest friends, ranboo and niki, a choice: leave the navy and come with him.

whatever choice the three make, one thing is clear. the government has no intentions of stopping until their control reaches the far ends of the sea, going as far as installing a governor to rule over one of the last free lands and sending out their ship-of-the-line, the butcher army, to quell any uprising.

now it's war, complete with unlikely allies and unwilling sacrifices.

characters: technoblade, phil, dream, ranboo, niki, george, sapnap, and others in minor roles

setting: non-canon with minor fantasy and steampunk elements and mentions of canon

theme song(s): 'salty dog' by flogging molly & 'the basket or the blade' by enter the haggis & 'revolution regained' by the living end

random headcanons:

techno's first ship is a sloop called the golden bell and dream's first ship is a brigantine called manhunter.

despite giving quarter to most of his enemies, techno's skill has earned him the nickname 'blood god', in part thanks to his strange ritual of ringing a bell before every battle. the sound alone is often enough for target ships to give up before the battle even begins.

dream's rivalry with techno is almost fully one-sided though the two did clash early on, resulting in a duel that techno won. dream respects his skill and seems to enjoy bringing up the duel, almost bragging that he lost to techno.

ranboo joined the navy after migrating to the new land and finding survival next to impossible and joining the navy being one of the only ways to have guaranteed income.

years ago, phil and techno met in a tavern. they shared multiple rounds of drinks and techno stood up for phil when a group of thieves attempted to rob him which was considered a bit taboo since phil was an outsider and techno was one of them. it put techno in a slightly awkward position as he was just starting out and hadn't yet gained his reputation.

dream's flag is similar to teach's flag except the skeleton wears an unnerving and inhumane smile, like a child might draw, and holds a bloody axe in one hand and a book in the other.

this is techno's flag:

niki eventually gains her own ship called 'the sea flower' and flies under a combination of her own flag and techno's faction, declaring her loyalty to him.

the 'big bad' is not any character but an original character though characters like quackity, sam, tubbo, etc. do work for them at various points.

☠️tag ☠️ pinterest board

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Seeing all your cool home updates && half-watching some HGTV w/my mom while drawing had a simple prompt idea if you might be interested! Basically HGTV reno show Jonsa - Sansa is a designer and finally gets a chance for her own show but loses Rob (her #1 contractor) to an injury before filming starts && Jon jumps in (either to help Rob /or/ the studio execs (maybe Targs?) throw him in) and the two have to work together somehow. Idk idk, just wanted to share! <3

ANON.

No, you have no idea, I already HAVE a house reno wip. It's not super long, but... yeah. I've got that.

Here, I'll post what I have written of it, since we CAN'T GET ONTO AO3.

this isn't exactly your prompt, though I do honestly love yours a lot and sort of want to change mine. If I changed mine, the show Sansa works on would definitely be like Rehab Addict, where she restores old homes to their prior state instead of making them "modern"

But mine is sort of similar? This snippet is just the set up and doesn't include the part where Sansa decides to start a youtube channel for her renovations, (a la WabiSabE, which I used to watch and was probably the inspiration for this fic when I first started writing it like a year ago lol), and everyone starts shipping her with her contractor Jon, who she keeps forcing to be in the videos because she can't really make them without him being in it...

.

Sansa winces as her car hits another bump and jolts her in her seat.

“You owe me,” she huffs out, hands tight around the wheel.

“I know, I know,” Robb's voice comes through her sound system and fills the car. He's distracted, she can tell, and she bites back a snippy comment. Robb's just so busy, he couldn't possibly get away.

That's not fair, the small part of her brain that's still being rational thinks. Of course Robb couldn't drop everything and come out to the middle of nowhere to deal with their Great Uncle Brynden's estate. Robb's got a new baby and his job.

Robb's got a baby, Arya's got her tournaments, Bran has school, and Rickon's still underage. All of her siblings have lives they can't get away from. All except her.

No significant other, no kids. A tenuous career that she can technically do from anywhere.

“Oh no,” she breathes, when the house finally comes into sight through the trees.

“What's wrong?” Robb asks, his full attention back on her.

“Robb,” she whines, the car coming to a pathetic, rolling stop on the overgrown gravel drive. “It's a mess.”

“A mess?”

She doesn't answer, too busy staring at the mansion in front of her. Or, what used to be a mansion, she thinks.

It's still vaguely house-shaped, but... The roof is missing shingles in multiple places, the windows all seem busted out. The steps up to the covered front porch are fine, but the porch itself has a massive sinkhole, and half the wood looks rotted and ready to crumble.

Gods, if this is what the outside looks like...

“What kind of a mess?” Robb asks. She's just about to start listing the many problems when she hears another car approaching.

“I've gotta go,” she tells Robb. “I think the lawyer's here.” She hangs up before Robb can answer, and watches the other car slowly emerge through the trees up the bumpy road, past the broken gates, and onto the circular gravel drive. It stops behind her and a man gets out. She gets out, too, phone clutched in her hand, just in case.

“Miss Stark?” the man asks, and his face splits into a kind smile when she nods. “Perfect, perfect. I'm Samwell Tarly. It's nice to finally meet you.”

Sansa moves forward to shake the lawyer's hand. He isn't what she was expecting. He's young, for one – maybe only a few years older than her. And he seems just as nice in person as he'd been over the phone. She didn't think lawyers came in nice.

“We should have met at your office,” she says, eyeing up the weeds sprouting from between the gravel and brushing against her ankles. “I didn't realize the road here would be so...”

Mr. Tarly laughs. “This place has been abandoned for quite some time,” he agrees. “I never met Brynden myself, but I’d heard about him. Apparently he decided to up and travel the world and left this…”

Sansa looks back at the crumbling mansion and feels her face scrunch up. She tries to smooth it out. “So, how fast do you think I can sell this?” she asks.

That’s when Mr. Tarly’s smile falters. “Well,” he starts, hesitant, “you see, it’s in such a poor state, I can’t imagine anyone would be willing to buy it.”

“But the land must be worth something? They can just knock it down and-”

“Ah,” Mr. Tarly winces, and Sansa’s sentence breaks off, unfinished. “I suppose you didn’t read all the fine print?” At the slow shake of her head, he grimaces. “Riverrun Manor is a historic property. You, legally, are not allowed to tear the structure down. Anything you do needs to go through lots of committee approvals…”

“So what you’re saying,” Sansa says, closing her eyes as reality crashes down around her, “is that literally no one is going to want to buy this.”

“Maybe if you find someone who’s both very rich, and very interested in Riverlands history?”

She opens her eyes and there must be a glare on her face, because Mr. Tarly winces again.

Then she turns back to the manor, and really looks at it this time. Beneath the grime and the moss and the crumbling wood, she can see what it used to be.

“What if I fixed it up a bit?” she asks, turning back to the lawyer. “What if I just did the major repairs, do you think someone would buy it then?”

She doesn’t want to do that, but it beats letting the property sit around even longer and paying the taxes on it. Or, worse, not paying the taxes and having that on her and her sibling’s financial records.

“I’m not a real estate agent,” Mr. Tarly responds, looking at the building thoughtfully. “But this is a good location, lots of historic stuff around. I wouldn’t doubt you could sell it if the building weren’t… well, that.” He waves his hand towards the manor.

“Alright,” she nods. “Maybe we should head to your office to do the paperwork, though? Then I’ll… I guess I’ll look for a contractor?”

Sam nods, and a bright smile lights his face again. “Oh, I know someone you can call!”

[chiropteracupola]

finally got around to drawing the (surprisingly straightforward) family tree for the haunted by your hand people... frankly there are not Enough of them to do any manner of really intricate relational webs but that is because haunted by your hand is somewhat intentionally a Tiny Cursed Snowglobe of a story.

more lore on the events of the overall hybh backstory timeline below:

peggy webster moved out quite young to take employment at an inn (the horse-collar) some distance away from the town where she and james grew up, and eventually married the owner, bill pendle. some time after his sister's marriage, james followed and was hired by bill as barman.

as they've effectively cut off their father at this point, peggy and james both fully commit to presenting james as peggy's brother from this time forward. bill never catches on to anything being strange here. hypothetically thomas webster is still out there and alive, but as of Present-Time (vague early 1760s) neither of his children are interested in being in touch with him, so that's a mystery that no one is really interested in solving.

during her time working at the horse-collar, james took up with local ne'erdowell / highwayman / dandy-about-town kate heriot, eventually coming to regard their partnership as a sort of marriage. it's also around this time that james and peggy begin falsifying the inn's accounts, since the addition of kate's ill-gotten goods are now being incorporated into making the horse-collar an actually tolerable place to stay. sometime in this phase, peggy and bill's only surviving child, jill, is born.

kate heriot is from the area near to the horse-collar, the third child of a blacksmith. her mother died giving birth to a fourth sibling, and was not much discussed by edward heriot or his sons from then on.

in adulthood, kate's oldest brother took over their father's forge and is still taking care of edward heriot, along with his own wife and children. the middle heriot sibling joined the army and has not been heard from in a while, sure he's doing fine where-ever it is that he is. before her death, kate occasionally turned up back at the heriot family home for visits, but mostly maintained a wandering lifestyle out of dissatisfaction with the sameness of sedentary life until she met james.

once the symbiotic relationship of kate providing extra cash to the websters in exchange for a more secure home base (and also a bit of romance) is established, peggy decides that bill's usefulness has largely run out. their marriage was always primarily an economic proposition on her side of things, and overall he's grown to be a nuisance about the place. so she pushes him into the millpond in the next town over and is perfectly happily widowed.

at this point, things are going great -- james takes over the operations of the inn, renaming it to the sign of the cross-roads (as it is at a cross-roads, after all) and enjoys relative prosperity. the inn's a nice enough place to stay, with jill grown up enough to do a share of work, a new hire (john harebell) taking care of the stables, and kate lazing about being her usual unhelpful self.

this is where things begin going to the bad -- kate's a little too boastful for her own good, and spends rather too much time dressing in silk and making much of herself to disguise the fact that she regularly robs people on the road.

after kate's eventual arrest and quite public execution, her older brother and his family pretty much deny they ever knew her. this works out pretty well for them, as kate was not well liked by the broader community on account of her various infuriating qualities. they also were living at enough of a distance that they weren't aware of james & co, which was helpful.

and then I believe we've discussed the whole 'turning your wife's hand into a cursed candleholder and hiding the rest of the body in a barrel in the cellar' part of things before, yes? so yeah that happens.

after That Incident, james's idea of management for the sign of the cross-roads gets a lot weaker -- the flow of money from both kate's thievery and the vibe of it being an actually pleasant place to stay mostly trickles off, and the inn ends up a quite isolated location with primarily only the family and the ghost around. when custom does come in, james even begins using kate's hand / ghost power as a method for keeping guests around longer than they mean to stay.

...john harebell (guy who I have only vaguely mentioned at this point) is also Present and vaguely hanging around doing his job, but he isn't Related to the broader pendle-webster-heriot family so he is not on this chart.

[firekitten830]

thinking about gio .... tell us more about him he's literally silly + i like him so much

YOUVE ACTUVATED . MY AUTISM

Makes a bulleted list

-full name Giovanni Morningstar, both of them chosen rather than given. Ooc I chose Giovanni because he is actually vaguely based on my pc from a different ttrpg, and that characters middle name is Giovanni. And Morningstar is a reference to The Devil. like from the bible dksgsjhd

-his divine blood specifically comes from Sharess, goddess of hedonism and indulgence that vanished when dnd 5e came out during the second sundering . So it is no surprise he is motivated almost entirely by hedonism

-he does not know this.

-he’s definitely not her only descendant but he’s her only descendant that inherited any of her magic

-he was not always a tiefling

-he didn’t always have access to his divine magic

-the previous two points were sparked by the same event

-he was born in waterdeep! Not baldurian but gets around enough to know some things

-wanted magic desperately but had absolutely 0 talent for it before his divine magic awakened so he learned the next best thing: stealing shit. Man has been conning and pickpocketing and just generally getting up to thievery and tomfoolery since he was like. 8 (charlatan background)

-folk hero background could fit him pretty well too! Before he got Tadpoled he sorta wandered from place to place helping common folks and robbing rich people blind. Sort of a Robin Hood type guy but he did also keep a good bit of money lol

-he’s a trans man :] no surgeries and he doesn’t want them, though he does take wizard testosterone or whatever it would be in dnd. Probably a potion or something

-queer and poly!! I imagine he has a couple lovers across the sword coast, some he’s going steady with and others he’s sort of off and on with. He’s so lucky he lives in a world where teleportation exists and is not that hard all things considered im so jealous fr (I’ve also decided that his dream guardian looks suspiciously like one of his boyfriends). Worm nerfing his magic has unfortunately made keeping in touch a bit harder but he’s been managing

-his blood is a pretty potent magical power source and several people have tried to abduct him to use him as a conduit for spells or rituals because of this. I imagine after That Scene™️ with Astarion he was like “oh shit I should’ve warned him about that. Oh well he seems fine” . In the moment he was too focused on there being a hot vampire straddling him

-his tattoos are tied to his magic and glow when he casts spells. You can tell which way he’s about to fucking get you because he’s conveniently color-coded

-may or may not be on the brink of turning into a mind flayer but I’m sure that’s like. Fine.

WAIT I just remember I made a dnd character sheet for him before I ever got bg3 and I wrote a whole background thing as well as a value/ flaw for him . I’ll put those under a read more tho this is already kinda long

this part is written ooc!!

“Sharp, charismatic, and hedonistic to a fault. He has a silver tongue and a knack for deception, able to lie his way into and out of nearly any situation. He’s been driven out of many towns for his infernal heritage, alongside the myriad cons and schemes he often pulls on the wealthy, though he’s welcomed into just as many as a minor celebrity, and in some cases, a hero. This suits him just fine, though; he’s always been one to dance from place to place anyway. He enjoys finery of all kinds, and is happy to trade fine food, drink, clothing and accessories for coin… though he much prefers to offer favors as payment. He does have many talents after all; a quick-fingered thief, an excellent negotiator, a ruthless conman, a somewhat formidable sorcerer, a gifted storyteller, and if it suits your fancy, an escort (though he does charge extra for events)… as well as some other things, of course~”

“It is fairly difficult to draw his ire;he’s more than willing to forgive and forget most wrongs against him. But it would be wise not to test his limits too much; his normally capricious manner becomes cold and relentless when he feels punishment is owed. People who hurt those he cares about often walk away with gruesome scars… if they walk away at all.”

And then I have a ummm ideals and flaw section written in character cause these are on his character sheet

Ideals: “The safety and happiness of those close to me matters far more than any laws, or the ‘greater good’”

Flaws: “I’ve been called self-serving on many occasions, and I’m always weak to a bit of liquor and a pretty face”

I am sure I will think of more things to say about him I inevitably always do but I’m a little sleepy so I’m ending this post now!!

[noliaert]

NOLIAERT'S IWTV WIPS

Okay so I thought to show off some of my WIPs for IWTV (amc), especially since I've not managed to finish off most of my WIPS regardless of how excited I have been for them :/ IWTV in 2022 was like a muse to me! I had so many wips! But little or nothing to show for it (cause extensive projects got overwhelming) 😔 I have however finished off 2 loumand pieces since S2 started off, 1 that had too been a wip from 2022 (I'll edit in a link once I post it, I've done so on twitter, but I feel the need to fix on some things... majorly is the issue one of the louis-es as it was a 3, initially 4,-in-1 piece :/ was rushing cause of the looming loumand divorce and doom, otherwise known as S2 "trial" finality, was approaching... and I was feeling 😅 about the reception of softer loumand kisses at the time. Like- timing!)!

1. Batnight: I worked out this timeglass composition to symbolise Louis' transformation into vampirism after he entered that church one fateful night. The trifecta of the vampfam, the time encapsulated by death and by blood, something which Louis seemingly has a different relationship to than most living vampires as the "tortured vampire". All focusing on the drop of blood, but with different expressions. Idk if i should do anything with the background of the bottom half of the timeglass though 🤔I'm meant to sketch out Louis' family and community from the wedding on the top half, as the sun sets (or rise...) behind the family home (sorry), a life now closed off to him. Vampires and bats- uncontested. The church? It is one from New Orleans S1 and I remember asking for the ref, but I am uncertain that it is the correct church when thinking back on it. Which is 🧍 Also as I started on this late 2022, I had only Bailey!Claudia to go off of, which I'll probably stick to for this one. Would be cool with both! But idk if I can extend that energy. I do need to figure out which of her hairstyles to do though 🤔 and I've been learning more about how to draw black hair so that's fun too

CLAUDIA WIPS! (Both from late 2022)

2: For the first one? Something about the tragedy of claudia, for S1, leaning towards the middle, Claudia the child, the eternal teenager, but a breaking into maturity and adulthood, on... the child witnessing the troubles of their parents, and of the child failed by their parents. Claudia standing in ashes alone (oh not the born from ashes turned to ashes 😭 at least she wasn't entirely alone by the end but had someone choose to face the same fate with her over her own living ♡), looked down upon from our pov to showcase her continued positions of disadvantage. Not the most thought out composition or anything, just wanted to draw Claudia, but these were the things I was thinking about while doing so. Also just really want to try make more dynamic compositions. Try that is.

3: The second one is me wanting to either do a 3-piece with smaller edits, or a 3(+?)-in-1, showing off a little vaguely different stages in Claudia's life back in S1. Or maybe a combined 1 if I figure it out. Combining the cutesy and the horror ✌️ Since these were majorly just sketches, I should be able to try draw Delainey!Claudia! And though S2 makes for SO MUCH inspo too, I'm scared to start on more new things. An irony. But I'd like to finish some more ideas.

4 & 5: Lestat wips! First one is really just a sketch trying to capture his face, buuut the second one? My attempts at a gorier more horrific looking corpsestat since I was feeling robbed by the S1 finale? Oh certainly 🙏 gotta figure out how best to pose Claudia and Louis though, to make sure I make the right impression I wanted 🤔 may have to flip him over too... idk just... extensive work, but I've been especially excited about this one as well as batnight (and the soon-to-be-posted loumands)!! Both from late 2022.

6: St. Paul! Ah the brothers! 🙏 the impact his family, and specifically Paul, has on Louis cannot be understated (S2E8 final dubai scene 😊). Kinda get so emotional when I've been rewatching S1E1 too ;-; another wip from 2022! I so rarely have seen pieces of Louis' family, or human family, which is a shame. I really wanted to do one for Louis and Paul though, and so I ended up with this wip meant to symbolically (far from vague though hah) capture some of that "confessional relationship" (can't escape the catholism) they had, but in a more playful youthful setting. Lowkey pointing towards an elevated sainthood of the future dead too. Paul being Louis' closest confidante, and someone who wanted to be a priest. Many thoughts on Paul really. Paul practicing I suppose, during their teenage years, Louis happily entertaining him and then glancing over his shoulder at- I am thinking Grace, their sister. I found the angle of Louis' head challenging though (been feeling intimately on my limitations), and as it is, I need some refs of Jacob to actually capture HIM too, and not just the angle.

Now unfinished iwtv wips from 2024...

Armand wips! But yea, I already had ideas, but I've felt prompted during S2 to draw more Armand due to the whole Assad Zaman fanbook thing that I thought could be nice to join in on. I've struggled to draw though, even if I have finished the 3-in-1 loumand thing and the spontaneous loumand cig-kiss piece, so I was really damn rushing 😅

7: It's possible I'm mixing ideas... different intents. So I'll have to review it again. I wanted one more bitey one, I was thinking of the "easeful death" scene of E5, but with a different angle. Was initially thinking active feeding I think, with half-lidded eyes or direct eye contact... to put emphasis on the darkening of his eyes in those moments. It's funky and I really wanted to draw it, though I guess this is getting too distant to really see it much. Something something generally about vampirism, a general victim, putting emphasis on the blood that they provide. First by extended blood dripping down the throat, now by the body being the blood fully visually. Something classy, yet... I want to reposition the arms and have the head burrowed further into the neck to actively feed as first intended. I also think I am certainly thinking about an intimate art piece for the whole gentlemanly death feel, so maybe i should try actually find the piece for reference. Also, it's not exactly in this sketch, but I too want to have him in that E2 or E3 coven suit, with vague coven/cult figures in the background. We never really see him feed (properly, of a human), but I've been thinking about the... parent providing food for his children thing (motorbike scene E2), or the "let me teach you" of E3... So a "lead by example" sort of thing, like pre of the picture of the mountain lion and her cub feeding of a carcass sort of thing XD leant too much into the whole typical romantic imagery as I kept going and finally got some of that posture right (and so I tought). But these are the ideas ✨️

8: Armand too got ahold of a switch btw <3 Armand and electronics huh, or... not necessarily only electronics and technology. There's a general almost manic curiosity, which is especially found in that one DM chapter that I kind of adore (smh to private island and blabla tho). A mood, though I'm not making ratshakes 🫢 Assad was talking about it too in an interview though, relating to that fascination, so I kinda wanted to make a piece leaning in on that. Had a few vague compositions, some with more of that almost cold intensity of E5, but here he's more just chilling (doesnt mean it doesnt get intense) ^^ I also wanted to display an evolution of technologies, at least within a certain timeframe, so physically stacking a room with different stuff? Like that works XD because I was rushing for the deadline, I fear I only got to send in the wip (one in an even earlier stage than this one)... which is a real shame 😔 I am excited to finish it though!

Anyway 👍

[cold-arrow]

Doctor’s Notes, Book 7 part 2 A court of Scales and Thunder

| Of coin and curiosities | Summary, Things of note since last entry: Lym’s sketches and drawings, going shopping. Peculiar shopping list.

Gold assault, counting countless coins

A quick trip to Mirrorbar, another library door. A surprising fee, figures in white cloaks.

A quick escape. Out for the count. | 1 / 3 |

It’s quite nice I’ll admit, to be sleeping in the beds of the mansion again. Albeit I moved mine to the alchemy room. I still do   Not  want to sleep in the same room as that painting. And while rest, is difficult to obtain as per usual. A comfortable bed at least helps.

(Should thank the boys again though for helping me move the mattress*)

--

I Had an… interesting breakfast with Lym. She joined to table with a stack of papers and writing utensils. And immediately got to work with drawing something.

She was busy making a lot of sketches for some reason. It took me a while to figure out why. Or what for. When I first commented one of her drawings, she gave me a rather chilling look. So I refrained from making any further comments. But after watching her work for a while longer, I realized that she wasn’t just drawing about several dozen sketches of one thing. But… that she was drawing parts, of a larger image at whole. Slowly assembling the pieces of her drawings together, into the shape of something… bigger. I’m very curious as to what the end result is gonna be. And what for.

I wonder of it has to do something with the Weave.

--

Upon mentioning to her that I was gonna do some shopping, after I finished my breakfast, I offered to pickup some stuff for her. If there was anything she needed. She… gave me a bit of a peculiar shopping list however. A large amount of thread made from precious metals, and beads. As well as some human hair. Or specifically humanoid hair. Animal hair wouldn’t do. It… had to be humanoid.

She… suggested I just ask someone, and pay them for their hair. And she would wash it later. But I didn’t really look forward to asking a stranger for a large amount of their hair. So instead I hesitantly offered to give her some of my hair. Since it was getting rather long anyways. She said that would also work, as long as I washed it first.

It just had to be clean, humanoid hair…  I wasn’t really sure what to make of it, so I set the issue of acquiring   hair  aside for now as I headed into the city.

I asked Gryff as well, if he needed anything. But it seems he was good on supplies.

| 2 / 3 |

Managed to find everything I need. All the material components. Or ingredients necessary to make them. Even found some human hair at the magic shop I regularly visit for my components. I’d forgotten that human hair is pretty common component for certain spells, or potions.

Upon arriving back at the mansion though, I saw a dwarf suspiciously looking through the gates at the front of the mansion. I asked him if he was looking for something, or someone. But proceeded to accidentally scare him instead. He then seemed to somehow vaguely recognize me, and asked if I was perhaps Nicholas. I… tentatively confirmed my identity to him, and he proceeded to push a bag into my arms, and started sprinting away.

I was worried for a moment that he’d given me some sort of explosive. But I quickly realized that it was just a bag containing a gold.

A LOT of Gold…

I was struggling to keep the bag lifted above the ground. barely able to hold it. And had to quickly drag it inside lest I’d perhaps get robbed.

-- I explained to Lym what happened outside. Out of breath from carrying it all the why to the dining room. And showed her contents. She seemed about as surprised as I was. And after quickly giving to her the items from her shopping list, we made an attempt to start counting the ungodly amount of coins.

(I swear to god, why the fuck didn’t they include any platinum pieces in this…)

Lym found a note inside as well, explaining that It was our payment from the LA, for our services in dealing with the giant lords. I guess that explains that at least. Though, I’m not really sure how to feel about the money at this point. Or what to do with it.

Not sure what to do about our alliance with the LA in general.

| 3 / 3 | Now that we finally have a moment to breathe and relax. I remembered the overdue library book I still possess. Which has been stressing me out for a while now. Cause I didn’t really know how, or when to return it. With all that’s been going on.

So I mentioned to Lym, I was gonna make a quick trip to Mirrorbar, and to library to return it. She… mentioned however, that Angelo was in Mirrorbar as well. And is currently staying with Mr. Remur, at the moment.

Which is a bit disconcerting to say the least. I guess she found out by sending either one of them a message at somepoint? So she warned me to be careful, should I indeed go to Mirrorbar.

I promised her as much. And told her that my intent was on it just being a short trip. To library. And then immediately back to the teleportation circle. Cause I wasn’t looking forward to finding trouble their either.

She advised to ask Gryff to perhaps come with though. Which definitely didn’t seem like a bad idea. And left her with the coins. I… feel guilty for leaving her with the counting work though. Hopefully I can help her finishing the rest when we get back.

--

Gryff agreed to come with, and the both of us teleported to Mirrorbar without much issue. The guards finally not being a pain in the ass time either, for once .

No trouble either as me made our way to the library itself. Except for the one issue of the library door being closed. And it having a different puzzle as last time…

I had even written down the riddle from last time, cause I’d lost and forgotten the answers. And was kinda proud of myself for solving it before I reached the building.

Only to realize that there was now a different riddle on the door instead.

At least I got a vague idea on how to solve it this time, from the person who entered before me. I had to place items in the circles with corresponding symbols. And the all had to combine somehow

Ended up using a dagger, a spell scroll, a map. And in the very centre a blueprint for armour. an enchanted tool, paper, on the sides. And I don’t remember the last one. Trying to solve it was still a bit of a headache though. But I at least managed this time ( not that the headache improved much later)

Fortunately, to my surprise, the fee for the overdue book was a lot lower than I expected when I made to return my book at the front desk. And for only 2 gold, I could reserve the book for a few weeks longer.

Though I do have to bring it back after that. As I couldn’t borrow it indefinitely, sadly. Still. ill happily take that blessing. Cause it might still contain I lot of useful information that I’m curious (or worried) about.

And me and Gryff quickly starting making our way back to the barn after that.

( he didn’t really seem interested in reading, or borrowing any books at the moment. And to be fair, Dave’s library has overall, a lot more impressive of a collection

--

As the both of us made our way back to the circle though, Gryff informed me that we were being followed though. And instructed me to not look behind me. The… possibilities of who might be following us, began to nauseate me a bit. as it could it could be whole number of people, or factions.

The kraken, Bane, The Slaad, the faction controlling Gauntlgrimm, or any other gr… or Angelo’s personal army... Cause Gryff did mention that the cloak they were wearing. Where white…

I decided to drink a potion of invisibility to confirm my suspicion, and look behind me. And sure enough, the “cloaks” they were wearing looked, suspiciously, a lot like bedsheets.

I told Gryff to go on head to the circle, as I quickly followed him unseen. Hoping the group would instead try and figure out where I went.

Luckily we managed to shake them before arriving at the barn. And made it back to Waterdeep, safe and sound. Though I’m not really looking forward to going back to Mirrorbar again, to return my book at somepoint…

--

By the time we made it back at the mansion. Lym had succeeded in counting he entire bag of coins. And she seemed very much done with it. I… didn’t think she’d count all of them by herself, and I feel even more guilty now for abandoning her to do task alone. Was a bit stunned when she told me the total amount though. Didn’t expect it to be that much.

And again… I’m not really sure what to do with the money. Don’t having anything pressing to spend it on.

Maybe I should just save it. For after we’ve dealt with the storm giants, hopefully.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

VegasPete had two intense scenes this time so what does that mean for me and you? Yess, each gets its own analysis!

So, enjoy part one since it's too hot here and a migrane is coming.

VegasPete - captured and hostage 1/2

To understand why this particular scene feels so intense, we have to revisit the very first one of this episode.

"Do you know how sexy you are?"

Many people referred to the meaning of this scene as an equivalent to the forest episode with KinnPorsche because VegasPete is as isolated from the world as they were. This isolation is in reach of our hands in this scene, we can taste it. They just had sex, they share some thoughts, they stare into each other's eyes.

"I just live in the present. What I'm feeling, that's all I think about."

I am not quite sure if it's really the truth because it seems more like a vague answer to Vegas' question if Pete just accepted himself or not. It's more like an idea we all have, we all wish would one day happen to us. Blending the real life out, not caring about what other people do or say or care about seems like a hard thing to do and certain people's opinions will always affect us. I don't think we can just shut it all off.

But that's what this scene is about. They wish to be carefree, Vegas wishes to be carefree. In the end, it's just that: a wish. A wish that can only exist in an isolated mind far from reality because it's something ideal that will never happen. The scene is tragic in this matter but it's just a little talk between them. There are no windows, there's no outside, no reality, so it's a save space to share those thoughts.

This scene is very important as it draws a line, colors the difference between them sharing little thoughts and reality hitting hard. They live there alone. Vegas can actually feel appreciation, cooks for Pete but then his father hits him and the world hasn't changed one bit. The bubble he himself created, let him believe his own lie and disappointment is what he gets in return. Yes, Pete is there, Pete didn't run, Pete helps him but no, feelings don't change the world.

Moving on to the scene I call "aggressive knife-grabbing"

We start with a sequence of an angry, sad and disapponted Vegas and a Pete that's lost in thoughts.

"I don't like it. Then why didn't I say no?"

But Pete isn't alone all the time. Vegas brings him food, though it's again just instant noodles. Since Vegas is suddenly very distant, hides his face and was gone for a long while, Pete figured the father showed himself again. Before, Vegas was open, calm and smiling but there is always a change in attitude when he got hit. The change from last scene to this one is fatal and it's rather painful because Vegas takes ten steps back again. He is again a kid that's angry at his father. This anger comes from disappointment though he should have learned by now, there's nothing to expect. But well, in our role as kids, we never learn to expect to get no love but harm as a reward for our existence. Vegas stays in his mindset, so the mental abuse can never stop.

Pete tries to reach Vegas again, tries to touch his face but Vegas acts all cold towards him. He doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to deal with it. His response to Pete's concern is more like a: don't try to fix me when I can't fix myself. He doesn't accept the fact someone could care. Like I said, ten steps backwards because he doesn't feel appreciated any longer. But Pete being there is not a dream nor pity, it's care.

This comes from Vegas' very dominant character trait: selfishness.

"It's up to you Vegas. It's your choice."

This is when things start to get out of hand because Vegas starts choking Pete. For Vegas, Pete's words imply he is too weak to cut ties with his family and run. But what Pete means is Vegas chooses to let his father have that effect on him. He once overcame it and the hitting didn't hurt as much any more. But here, he wasn't prepared, caught off guard and robbed of his happiness. The scene itself was different, so is Vegas' way of dealing with it. But Pete still tries to remind him of the power he has over his father. Vegas still has the power to decide it's not gonna hurt any longer the way it does now. It also implies he always had that power, just didn't know about it or how to use it.

"Anyhow, you're just my pet."

Pete is once again the prisoner, the pet. He is not allowed to have an opinion on his own. Vegas threatens him, telling him he shouldn't get too ahead of himself. From the mere second on Vegas puts his hands on Pete's throat, an old mask reappears. I'm not saying, he's not angry, his emotions are halfway true, but it's not true he only granted Pete to share so many of his thoughts, that he was waiting for Pete to stop, that Pete should stop being himself. This is clearly something he only says to protect himself. Like I said, he's saying "I'm not fixable" though he knows deep down that's not what Pete was trying to do. There's no pity here, it's far more complicated and deeper. So Vegas is just saying all that bullshit to push Pete away.

But then things get out of hand and suddenly there's a knife pressed to Pete's neck. None of them is moving, both confused what led to this moment. They went too far. This image of the other changes the whole perspective of things. Vegas is in shock that he is threatening Pete with a knife, that his anger is strong enough to randomly kill anyone who provoces him, even if that anyone is Pete. Pete on the other hand is just truly devastated since Vegas doesn't seem to understand a word he says, that it doesn't have to be like this and that Pete has feelings as well. Vegas' face shows regret while Pete is breaking, starts to cry.

Pete insists Vegas should kill him, but Vegas doesn't. He can't. He doesn' have a reason to. For him, he calmed down the second that knife went to Pete's neck. It shook him awake. But Pete is now breaking down since Vegas was so gentle with him before but then turned into the scary kidnapper from episode 10.

And then follows the most intense line of this scene:

"I got nothing left. Not even my hunmanity."

Vegas' expression changes immediatly. His eyes are wet, his face regrets, his body is restless. He realises what he'd done. He did the same as his father, he made Pete feel like shit because Vegas himself does. The parallel to Pete's line "they don't do this because we suck but because they themselves suck" is too obvious here and it hits Vegas. He's in this context and in this scene right here, no better than his father. The abused turned into the abuser.

It's not like he didn't abuse anyone before, we see Tawan was extremely manipulated, but none of the people before have said so. They never let him feel their pain.

Then again, it was Pete's humanity that helped Vegas but he took that humanity by force. Pete didn't give it to him willingly, so Vegas drained him. He broke Pete by ignoring his needs and by just thinking about himself because he feels like he's the only person on earth who suffers.

"I've always been useless."

Pete just drops these heavy lines, aiming right to where it hurts Vegas. By saying "you're my pet", Vegas gave Pete a purpose - in a way. He told him his worth and what role he plays in Vegas' life. But in doing so, he gave Pete something to feel pathetic and even worse. All his life comes crashing down on him because Vegas treats him no different than all the other people before. In my notes I wrote: Vegas drove Pete to the edge of the cliff where his entire life comes back to him, all the aweful days he did nothing, didn't talk back, was never respected.

This is not about the time with Vegas, it's about the raw side of Pete because he shows Vegas how much he kept hidden because he was just the pet. he hoped to be treated differently after a while but Vegas just proved he won't, so this disappointment and regret of ever hoping and anger against himself, lead Pete to not see any purpose in his life any longer when this is all he ever gets and seems to deserve.

"I never exist. I have no feelings."

Because he's always been used, became useless to himself.

"I don't freaking have anything left within me."

Because Vegas took his humanity by force.

"I can't take myself anymore, Vegas."

"If you don't kill me today, I'll do it myself."

And this is where the tables turn because Pete actively harms himself. He grabs the knife, it cuts deep through his hand and he lets out a noise of pain, because hurting yourself, even when you feel like you're ready to die, still hurts, doesn't make you numb.

Vegas wants to save Pete from himself but stumbles backwards when Pete tells him to let go.

"Pete, I'm sorry. Okay? I give up, Pete. I'm sorry."

This is obviously too much for Vegas to bear. It's all so messy and an overload of information. This scene holds so many emotions, one is unable to name them all. Regret is not enough and love is too much. So I'm not even trying to word this. Just watch the frustration, disappointment, anger and self-pity run over Vegas' face when he sees he damaged more than he ever wanted. We know Pete is not the only one he held as a pet, so Vegas is probably thinking what horrible human being he is, having done such severe harm to a person's confidence and will. He knows he went to far after the incident with his father. His impulses are too strong from being mistreated all his life. He snaps so easily and it led him to where he is now. With a man he kinda has feelings for, standing in front of him, ready to take his own life in order to escape his fangs.

"Don't leave me, I'm begging you."

Here we see his selfishness once again. He may not mean it as selfish as it sounds but Vegas has always been someone to believe the world turns around him, like he is the centre of everyone's attention when in fact he's not. His idiology fights against the rest of the world. It's him against it all. With Pete, he is willing to make an exception and let him be by his side. But then it will be an "us against the world" which is not what Pete wants. The world doesn't care about him, so why cry about it when nobody's gonna listen?

"I'm a human, Vegas. I have feelings."

Pete is once again stating his point that he is not an emotionless wreck. At this point, I think Vegas never asked Pete about his thoughts because he thought Pete would come around eventually. Those lines show a completely different side. It's the side of a desperate prisoner who wants to flee whereas Vegas only knew the calm and balanced side of Pete until now. So it didn't occur to him that Pete was not okay with this situation at all. Because Vegas can't see things from the other's perspective. He doesn't have (much) empathy.

I think it's still pretty unclear how long VegasPete are on their little vacation but judging by the way Pete's wounds have recovered, I would say a long time. So Pete was coping with all of this for like three weeks or something while Vegas thought it would be okay to keep someone in a room without windows. So yes, Pete can't believe Vegas when he implies he will free him from handcuffs. He just can't trust Vegas. It totally makes sense to knock Vegas out and flee because this was the only way to escape at all, because this was not a relationship. It was the captured and the hostage. Pete was captured and would have never been freed because Vegas was his own hostage, because he was too caught up in his head.

[flickeringart]

Minor aspects

While the nature of the major aspects in astrology is quite straightforward and has been covered more than sufficiently, there’s still a lot of fog surrounding the nature of the minor ones. There are a lot of minor aspects that can be taken into consideration when interpreting a chart… however, since they are labeled minor they won’t be as obvious and much more difficult to spot in one’s own life. Note that this doesn't mean that they aren't impactful. There’s a lot of speculation and vague terms used when describing them. It seems that every minor aspect is said to have a “spiritual/creative dimension” as if that is supposed to clear up any of the mystery surrounding them. Perhaps, on one level, we don’t want to pin them down too much because certainty is the enemy of exploration. Or perhaps it’s the case that the aspects themselves don’t want to be pinned down? There’s an appeal in keeping certain things mysterious in our lives, to avoid defining and putting rigid labels on phenomena. It makes life alive and beautiful. Many people dismiss astrology is because they are afraid that they’re going to be reduced to a set of characteristics and have their personality mapped up to the point of being able to predict and foresee patterns of behavior and fated themes. The fear of knowledge is not irrational; it is probably healthy to an extent. Knowing too much can be dangerous and rob life of its magic. “Curiosity killed the cat”, as the saying goes. However, this is not the whole truth because curiosity also leads to expansion and better understanding, so let’s not be afraid to concretize these aspects, it's not the same as "killing" their potential. Life is never completely in our hands anyway, there's no risk of knowing it all.

Quintile (72°)/Bi-quintile (144°)

These aspects are said to have something to do with individual style and quality of creative work. It is suggested that these aspects say something about a mental-creative process of imposing one’s mind on a particular subject. It is also linked to talent and gifts the individual would possess that have not been actively learned. Basically, it seems to be indicative of the particular way a person would approach a subject. For example, the quintile would not describe the activity itself - the activity could be painting, knitting, running, cleaning or whatever – the quintile/bi-quintile would point to the way the person approaches the activity.

For example, Ted Bundy (whose chart I’ve explored a bit here), has Neptune bi-quintile the MC. Neptune, being the planet of illusion hints to Bundy’s quality of being a chameleon, deceiving the public as part of his personal style.

Prince Harry, (whose chart I’ve touched upon before), has his Moon bi-quintile Neptune. The Moon can be indicative of the mother figure, and his mother Princess Diana certainly had an elusive style and charm that was a bit deceptive and seductive. Of course, he would have the same thing going in his own life but it would perhaps be difficult for us to spot. He also has Moon quintile Venus and he definitely has a style/quality of emotional-physical comfort. He has Pluto quintile the AC, which would point to a style of showing up in the world that is powerful and intense. He has a tendency to come off as destructive and chaotic at times. There’s also a quintile aspect forming between Mercury in the 8th house and the MC which would hint to a public image that is colored by the “taboo” things he has said about his family in the recent present, but also in the past. He’s a public image that is aligning with the style of the playful amoral trickster.

As I’m going with charts I’ve already explored, let’s look at the quintiles in Meghan Markle’s chart. Her Venus is quintile Uranus and it perfectly describes her style of “wokeism”, that is, appearing to be objective and intelligent about feelings and affective values. She has a style of being “the loving humanitarian”. Whether she is this way in an actual sense is debatable. The quintile aspect is describing the quality and style not the actuality. But, it is disturbingly close to reality that it somehow becomes reality. It’s like the actor who adopts another energy signature in order to portray a different person. It doesn’t really matter if a person is rotten at the core - if he has a loving way of being, what difference does it make? The style is real enough to not reflect and give the impression of love.

Semi-square (45°) / Sesquiquadrate (135°)

These aspects are said to precipitate events. The nature of these two aspects is more immediate than the square aspect (which causes tension and doubt and needs constant navigation). The conflict represented is usually unconscious and is therefore not easy to identify. However, as these conflicts tend to manifest quite abruptly, we can take a look at the concrete problems the person faces. The planets connected by a semi-square/sesquiquadrate aspect will be in conflict but force some kind of release (that may result in an accident because of it’s autonomous/unconscious function).

I have Saturn sesquiquadrate my Moon. Since I tend to unconsciously block my emotional responses, the pressure builds and I am “forced” to get out of a situation, “forced to listen to my emotions”. I have encountered the theory that the sesquiquadrate in particular is manifesting as something that is looked down upon societally. This would make sense considering the aspect forces a breakout of one of the planets and nothing that is immediate and abrupt is ever favorably looked upon when it comes to social-societal structure and predictability. I have been meaning to take on commitments that would further my status in society in terms of formal education (Saturn in the 9th conjunct the MC) but I have not been able to do it without considerable decline in my emotional well-being. So, I have been “thrown out” by unconscious forces every time I’ve tried.

My sister has her Venus sesquiquadrate Saturn. She’s known for her deliberate and strategic way of dressing. She plans her outfits carefully, there’s nothing haphazard about the way she presents herself. However, she has Lilith conjunct Venus so she can push the limits and simply do what she pleases sometimes as well when the pressure of Saturn becomes too much. But, this often causes external judgment. A relative of mine has her Sun semi-square Venus. I can tell that she’s highly aware of her appearance. She is very pretty but there’s always something that is a bit off between what she wears and her self-expression. It’s like it doesn’t quite fit and it’s irritating.

To get back to the celebrities, Meghan Markle has Neptune sesquiquadrate Mercury. Is it possible that this forces distortion and vagueness in opinion and communication? It would certainly fit the bill. She also has Uranus sesquiquadrate Mars. She simply has to “break out of her confining situations”, cut people out of her life and move on in her own way. Uranus is also sesquiquadrate her MC, which seems to point to her unconscious pull to “do what she wants to do” at the detriment of her public image and reputation. Notably, Uranus sits in her 5th house of personal enjoyment and creation.

Prince Harry has a semi-square between Mars and Pluto. When he is angry it blossoms into rage and he can’t see straight. It has gotten him into quite a lot of trouble and societal-social disapproval. It seems that this is a common theme with the sesquiquadrate and semi-square. He also has his Moon sesquiquadrate Jupiter. Isn’t it the case that he tends to indulge in a way that makes him look bad in society?

Quincunx (150°)

This aspect is typically found between planets incompatible by element and mode. Basically, they have nothing in common and have a hard time cooperating, which will cause minor stress in the individual because of necessity to work around the incompatibilities. The planets are not in direct conflict but they are uncomfortable with each other.

For example, I have my Moon quincunx Mercury. Every time I sit down to write I’m mildly disturbed by little things like an aching back, a headache, restless legs or whatever. It’s not very comfortable for me but I can still keep with it, however it might take a toll on me health wise. The quincunx has been related to health issues because of the mild stress that it causes. It is manageable and one is usually able to cope with the stress, but it’s not very pleasant. Because it is not as demanding as more disturbing conflicts in one’s life, it’s in the background causing irritation.

Meghan Markle’s Venus makes a quincunx aspect to her MC. This suggests that she has a hard time reflecting her value on a public level, it’s as if how she’s perceived publicly disturbs her sense of ease and comfort. She has an Aries MC with a Virgo Venus and she’s continuously depicted as a bully these days, as some kind a selfish and aggressive bitch (the more negative attributes of Aries). This must be undermining her self-worth immensely, however, it’s perhaps too minor of a problem to do anything about. It is still there nonetheless, harping on in the background, breaking her down and causing slow disintegration…

Semi-sextile (30°)

Planets forming semi-sextile aspects are said to be able to aid each other, to have a better connection than if they had no link at all. Usually one planet is in the sign that comes before the sign of the other; in other words, a semi-sextile might be forming between Mars in Aries and Venus in Taurus. The semi-sextile usually connects consecutive sign like this, but planets could be in semi-sextile in the same sign, like Mars in 0° Taurus semi-sextile Venus in 30° Taurus. In any case, the planet placed at an earlier degree or in the earlier sign can draw on qualities of the planet in the later degree or the later sign and vice versa. For example, Prince Harry’s Venus in Libra is semi-sextile his MC. He can draw on his sense of harmony a diplomacy to benefit his public image. His Mars in Sagittarius is also semi-sextile his MC, which makes it so that he can draw from his Martial qualities of energy and action to influence his career and success.

Parallel/Contra-parallel

These are called aspects in declination because they are measured by latitude and not by longitude. This essentially means that two planetary bodies can aspect each other in a certain way measuring the distance between them north-south of the celestial equator. Two planets at the same degree north and south of the equator form a parallel aspect and can be interpreted the same as a conjunction (some say that it's more obscure like a quincunx/semi-square). Two planets opposite each other north and south form a contra-parallel aspect and can be interpreted as an opposition (some say that it's basically the same as the parallel though).

I have found, looking at my own chart that these aspects only confirms already existing aspects measured by longitude or it confirms the sign that a specific angle is in. For example, my MC is in Aries and it is also parallel Mars. Mars is the ruler of Aries so it emphasizes my already martial MC. My Sun is conjunct Saturn and it’s also parallel Saturn. My sister has a Scorpio MC and it’s also parallel Pluto, the natural ruler of Scorpio. For example, my sister has a wide Moon-Mars conjunction (6°) but they are also in contra-parallel. How is this supposed to be interpreted? I would simply see it as Moon-Mars is connected strongly despite the orb being a little wide with the conjunction.

However, it’s not always the case that parallel and contra-parallel aspects only confirms already existing influences. They can also add themes and connections. My sister doesn’t have any longitude aspects between Saturn and Uranus but they are contra-parallel to each other.

Septile (51.43° - a 1/7 of the 360°)

It is said to indicate a hidden flow of energy between the planets involved, an inner sensitivity to the spiritual dimension of the planets. Another description I have come across is that the planets “darkly interact” and there’s an occult theme surrounding the connection.

I have Venus septile Jupiter in my own chart. Going by the said method of interpretation, it would mean that I have sensitivity to the hidden wealth and underlying beauty and abundance in life. I think it is quite accurate.

Novile (40° - 1/9 of the 360°)

Is said to be describing a contact of perfection/idealization. It also seems to have something to do with spiritual awakening and growth, lack of fear and freedom.

Having Sun novile Saturn for example could be interpreted as a feeling of communion with the world and life itself through responsibility and the control one can exercise through self-expression.

----

There are of course other minor aspects to explore, but I'll stop here for now.

[palant1r]

please hit me with a lore infodump about your 'apollo pulls a godot au' , is Suryasta gonna get to threaten someone with his sword?

OKAY OKAY SO

disclaimer we havent played spirit of justice and ive heard it sucks so i kinda dont want to so we know like nothing about khurain. the only character from there that we know about is nahyuta. also this au has developed more into an "apollo pulls a thalassa" au but. tag's already set

this got long so im putting it under a readmore

-the leadup to the au is a bit vague so far, but basically. phoenix doesn't get disbarred, apollo is friends with him before the turnabout trump trial, maybe even works for him. he also knows klavier. in some versions of this au, him and klavier were dating

-yes there are multiple versions of this au, almost every au @vivi4n-c and i create has very little singular plot beyond an excuse to draw fun character designs and talk about angst scenarios

-kristoph still frames phoenix for murder, but apollo figures him out. kristoph flees, taking apollo as a hostage to europe. and then injures him in anger, giving him plenty of scars, including a large burn scar on the side of his face. the combination of smoke inhalation and khurain throat surgery for an injury kristoph gave him to his vocal cords permanently alters his voice. no more chords of steel :(

-also broke his hip, making apollo walk with a cane sometimes since it was already half-healed by the time he got to actually get surgery

-one of the injuries kristoph gives him is a head injury that leaves apollo with no memories past his childhood in khurain. so he assumes thats where he lived

-kristoph leaves behind a photo of apollo after said injury for the investigators to find. apollo looks dead in the photo, and kristoph tells them he is

-klavier quits music and throws himself into prosecuting and investigating, determined to catch his brother and bring him to justice

-phoenix and trucy take apollo's death REALLY hard, phoenix especially. he almost quits law

-before they can be found, apollo kills kristoph, robs all the stuff from his house including his old bracelet, and flees to khurain

-where he is reunited with his brother! yay!

-apollo didn't take the name "apollo" before going to america. before that, those he knew in khurain called him by the gender neutral name "suryasta." so thats what he thinks his name is, and what nahyuta calls him

-apollo finds the law familiar. between that and how easy it was to kill kristoph, plus his upbringing on the run, he assumes that he used to live a life of crime. he decides his memory loss is an opportunity for a fresh start, and studies to be a prosecutor, being his brother's co counsel in the meantime. he wears the mask all the time because he thinks anyone who recognizes him might wish him harm. either that, or they'll be happy to see him until they realize he has no idea who he is or who they are

-everything's great, he's starting his new life...and then an american diplomatic delegation shows up. the wright anything agency plus prosecutors edgeworth and gavin

-suryasta does NOT like them at all. the only american he remembers is kristoph, so to have his brother show up with a delegation of americans? he's immediately hostile. and nahyuta is even more so

-absolutely suryasta gets to threaten klavier with his sword, positioning it under his chin and warning him if he gives any indication that he's anything like his brother, they'll never stop finding the body

-naturally this fucks klavier up. someone he cared about a whole lot was killed by his brother, and now, halfway across the world, people think he's just like his brother.

-nahyuta is somehow even more hostile to klavier. he has gone full protective older brother mode

-in the moment klavier is too scared and angry to find a sword being under him hot but he catches suryasta doing his sparring training later, biceps on show, and is like. i love the kind of man who will literally just kill me

-klavier is determined to show suryasta that he's nothing like kristoph. dials the charm up to 11. and somehow, despite his wariness, suryasta finds himself warming up to klavier. far too fast. as if he's known him for far longer...

-somewhere along the way, klavier starts to fall for suryasta. feels like he can finally get over apollo and move on

-and suryasta gets an overwhelming sense of deja vu

-maybe klavier catches him humming songs he's never supposed to have heard. songs he wrote for apollo

-also this is an ace attorney au so comedy and hijinks ensue

-klavier: did phoenix ever tell you about the time the man he loved died and then came back

suryasta: no??? that sounds like a mindfuck omg

klavier: i know right haha, kinda a once in a lifetime thing amirite

-trucy brings mikeko to khurain. mikeko has become a crotchety little beast in her father's absence but she immediately runs to suryasta, winding around his legs and meeping so happily

-phoenix gives a very indirect shovel talk to suryasta while nahyuta gives the most direct shovel talk of all time to klavier

-phoenix: klavier you told me your least favorite musical was the phantom of the opera so whats the deal with ur new crush

-there are 3 different versions of how apollo's survival is exposed: the calm way, the angsty way, and the sexy way. ok never mind 4 and thats the "the wrights are a menace to society" way

-i shant elaborate

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping