#vampire therapy thoughts

[monstersinthecosmos]

Can you elaborate onthe "lack of childhood" though? Sure he had the trauma from when he was abducted, then abducted again by the cult, but him growing up with his mortal family + those years with Marius (and especially since he remembers his early memories), I wouldn't say that's a -complete- lack of childhood lol. I'd say more of having to care for others from an early age (I'm including Marius here too, affectionately, the man was a mess back then)?

These are great points!!!!!!!!!

I have three basic concepts I want to submit here, and your mileage may vary! Some of this goes into headcanon territory so we might land in different places. My questions are:

 If you had a good childhood that you can’t really remember, does it count?

 Can a young person sincerely be that pious without it being manipulative?

What age does Armand’s “childhood” end when he’s abducted at 14, at the oldest?

We don’t get a ton of information about his life before he was abducted and part of that is because he’s so traumatized that he doesn’t remember—a mega Capital T Trauma happening as a young teen I think informs “childhood”. I cede your point because I think a lot of people think of “childhood” as more early childhood, and especially in the historical context of kids growing up faster, we don’t know that much about his early childhood. When he goes back to visit with Marius he talks a bit about remembering his uncle’s singing and stuff, so we have that clue that his family did things together.

But we also have stuff like

I stood with my head bowed. I let my temple rest against the mud. I wished to find the boy, so pure of soul, who had opened these cells to bring the hermits just enough food and drink to keep them alive. But I couldn't find the boy. I couldn't. And I felt only a raging pity for him that he had ever suffered here, thin and miserable, and desperate, and ignorant, oh, so terribly ignorant, having but one sensuous joy in life and that was to see the colors of the ikon catch fire.

He also immediately shows up and refers to his family as “filthy peasants”.

And it seemed I understood more viscerally than ever the atmosphere of purposeful gloom which had overhung my childhood in far-off Kiev. I saw again the muddy catacombs, and the half-buried monks who had cheered me on to become one of them.

So I’m admittedly really skeptical about most religions LOL but this entire book is Armand struggling with his religious trauma and like, when you think about it, cave monks aren’t like. Very typical?

When he says stuff like “purposeful gloom” and “cheered me on to become one of them” I can’t imagine a situation where this isn’t coercive on their part, that he wasn't being manipulated and groomed into a cult. And his father didn’t want him to join them; the cult was pulling Armand away from his family and life. And he mentions that the monks are all starving and cold like, it’s not like this was some glamourous life he could’ve lived where they were saving him.

He says:

I looked back at my scholarly brethren.

All were emaciated, dressed in cheap black wool, reeking of old sweat and dirt, and their heads were all but shaved. Their long beards were thin and uncombed. I thought I knew one of them, had loved him somewhat even, but this seemed remote and not worth considering anymore.

To Marius, who stood beside me as faithfully as a shadow, I confided that I could not have endured it, but we both knew this was a lie. In all likelihood I would have endured it, and I would have died without ever knowing any other world.

And like fandom can debate all day and night about like the historical context of Armand’s age, and whether or not he was a child when he lived with Marius, but I think a lot about how his indoctrination into the Children of Darkness wasn’t simply him being brainwashed, it was his relapse. So when you look at the timeline of his life, if you think of like, say 300ish years with a cult, does he fold that tiny blip of time with Marius into his “childhood” ? idk.

But yeah I think like, to put a finer point on it aside from “lack of childhood” what we really mean when we say that is like, some kids go through traumas that force them to grow up quickly, and for a lot of kids it comes with parentification. Like, it’s enough that Armand was a hungry peasant in a cold climate, was (possibly) groomed by a cult, and then abducted and trafficked. But I wonder what Marius did to him too when it comes to like, the emotional support he needed and how he used Armand as balm to his own loneliness, all the while not allowing Armand to have his own emotional needs.

People kept stealing him and it makes sense that he might find a place in that world, and become a leader. It feels like the end result of a long series of events of having to put others’ needs ahead of his own, and also a way for him to have some semblance of control in the situation he’s been thrust into. So I think I when I say “lack of childhood” I’m really just gesturing wildly at All This Stuff and how it connects and relates to itself in the end. 

His time with the Children of Darkness is a coming home of sorts; he still winds up pious and underground, and it’s like his whole life he keeps trying to climb his way out of it and always gets dragged back down. Like I think even his suicide attempt fits this as a relapse into religious crisis. He was doing so good!!!!!!!! ☹ Sigh.

And the thing about it, and reaching out more broadly to this concept of VAMPIRE THERAPY LOL is like, a lot of times children grow up thinking their world is normal, or a default, and the work we put in as adults is unlearning that idea and coming to terms with that fact that something was wrong. Armand might not have been traumatized by being cold and hungry and ready to bury himself in a cave but when it's time to dismantle all that stuff I think it's important to make space for it. And even saying like, the concept of Armand going to therapy is silly hahaha so maybe it's not literal, but, I think it's still reaching the same idea if you ask him to grow as a person, to connect with Daniel and reevaluate his feelings about mortality and humanity, to care for Benji & Sybelle, to create Trinity Gate and get back together with Louis in a new way. All of this marks growth that he got to have.

So returning to my original point LOL, I always look at the way he’s built Trinity Gate as a safe haven, landing spot, and how trauma can be so deeply tangled in us that it’s like, how much of this is me and how much is the trauma, when does the trauma end and my personality begin, etc, and like. The truth is that sometimes you have to be patient and accept that it IS part of you, and you can try to be healthy and productive and kind to yourself without simply exorcising all the bad parts. For Armand it can be: "I created Trinity Gate as a safe haven for my friends & family out of love and it also feels like a burden sometimes."

[eromrevencrow]

Okay okay. Some are saying that iwtv is not about being in love with the monster, but the horror of the monster being in love with you, which I think it's too simple since it's more about 'the monster loves me, but what if I am a monster too? What if the monster is actually a mirror of everything I don't love about myself and the beauty of learning to love all this monstrous things about me, in you?'

[the-crooked-library]

IWTV characters are so real to me. my personality disorder has also caused me more angst and problems than my queerness ever did. the queerness is still a major theme though

[revrads]

*In the confessional booth*

John Ward: Bless me Lord, for I have sinned

John Pruitt: What sins have you come to confess, Father?

John Ward: *proceeds to rant for 2 hours of the most traumatic experience a man can go through (which is the entirety of the game events)* So, what is my penance?

John Pruitt: ... Go see a therapist, please

[prouvaireafterdark]

I hope we get well-adjusted Loustat in the future because if I ever get to see them finally actually, healthily, in love with each other and showing it in public in ways they never could have in the past I will simply lose my mind

[isabellehemlock]

Poem transcribed under the cut

What do you feel -

when you realize you have survived the worst things someone can do to you?

Do you feel like a warrior?

Enduring the pain of the sting on red flesh

The gasp for air in the choke

The burn, the bleed, the bruise

But surviving things - 

That have killed other people

Or do you feel angry?

Angry for the tears that were mocked - 

The secondary strikes for defiance - 

The identity that was stripped away from you 

Until you no longer see a person in the mirror - 

Just a bruised caricature of a thing that was once human

Or do you hold multitudes?

Do you feel both the empowerment, and the rage, and the sadness?

Empowerment for making it to the other side

Rage that churns into righteous anger - 

Sadness for what could have been, should have been - 

Do you hold multitudes?

. . . And how are you surviving?

Poem by moi 🤗

[acourtofquestions]

A Maasverse note because I think sometimes characters get poorly judged both by other characters, plot lines, & fandom reception (of course this is all fictional… so this post is also purely fiction… and probably has some “fictional world differences” or “rules” to apply… but still😂)

This started with the *sarcastic* “lovely” talk with Darrow about the “people of Terrasen” because the idea of blaming Aelin — who, btw, let the record show was ONLY an EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD!!! — for “abandoning them” when she WAS A CHILD really got on my nerves. Especially as even this conversation is taking place with a 19-year-old… while not 8, and “old enough” in her own right; SHE IS STILL NINETEEN… and if you ask me IF ANYONE did any “abandoning” it was the people of Terrasen who simply went “hmm… we can’t find our queen… oh no! She must have drowned! No need to think further!!! MOVING ON!” meanwhile she was KIDNAPPED, after having her ENTIRE family assassinated IN FRONT OF HER (at EIGHT) and nearly drowning to outrun the assassin trying to KILL HER, & Arobynn was NOT much better; she couldn’t escape (cause SHE WAS EIGHT and with an ACTUAL ASSASSIN) and by the time she had “learned” (been forced into & through traumatic, abusive, horrifying, painful experiences for YEARS) enough to be “allowed” to leave the keep and at all able to even possibly run far enough to somehow get to Terrasen it was already GONE there was nothing left for her to go back to or save, and (even then) she was STILL A CHILD. She came back in under 10 years, barely an adult, she SURVIVED, give the girl some CREDIT PLEASE!!! And yeah, she was an assassin, no it’s not the most moral of jobs (but this is fiction) it was that or death, she went to hell & back (this was NOT some pampered upbringing) and YOUR queen endured it FOR you (and YOU damned her to it, or is it not fair to blame you? Oh, so it isn’t fair to blame y'all… yet the EIGHT-YEAR-OLD is fine?!) and to be honest, from her lineage (which kind of doomed her already) to the state of their world, they may actually NEED/want to have an Assassin as a Queen. Like yeah, she did that, she SURVIVED that, she is capable and smart and can actually lead a war. Can any of you old men gawking at her say the same??? Hmm??? No, you can’t because even though you all saw horrors, we all know the CHILDREN of Terrassen endured the worst; Aedion fought your wars, Elide was also kidnapped (not that any of you care; but it did keep her alive—I guess?), so can we just be glad you all are alive?!? AND LEAVE AELIN BE FOR ONCE, PLEASE! (I’m sure Darrow “has his reasons” and a backstory, but as a general point & issue I really can’t stand it).

wow sorry don’t know what got into me there maybe it is a lil personal?😅😂

Then into one that keeps popping up and bothering me: the argument & anger towards Nesta & Elain. Now while it does have its place (and I have been there too during points of my first read), I also am taking it all into account, and while I’m sorry that they let her go into the woods they were children. Nesta was a CHILD. Elain was a CHILD. (Maybe I don’t know exact ages, but they can’t have been in their 20s & 30s😂). THEY WERE ALL CHILDREN TOO. While Feyre was the youngest, while Feyre deserved safety & protection, while Feyre truly did go through a lot (and the fact she didn’t feel loved is absolutely gut-wrenching and wrong) some of which she may have been able to be spared from… she also wasn’t the only child, freezing, starving, losing parents, and terrified. Even Nesta as the oldest was still a kid. Elain is not that much older than Feyre, and she was a kid too. And yes, Feyre was a child, she was FOURTEEN, she was their little sister, and she was a child too even more. But honestly the truest guilt relies on not the sisters (THREE CHILDREN) but on the ACTUAL ADULTS; their father; who did have his issues & eventually redemption (and yes parents aren’t always capable that does happen; disability, pain, grief, depression, they are beasts), but also he still remains FAR more responsible than Nesta or Elain or even Feyre EVER should have been in the first place. It lies on THE ENTIRE VILLAGE that abandoned them; CHILDREN, whose mother had DIED, whose father was CLEARLY UNWELL, who were freezing & starving (& while the village may have been struggling they COULD have struggled TOGETHER and NOT LEFT CHILDREN to their own); THEY should have been the ones to step up. Not Nesta. Not Elain. Not Feyre. The three sisters were all children. And while any oldest sibling knows we are capable of filling roles, that doesn’t make it right; nor does it make anyone’s brains fully formed… so… like… they literally couldn’t think beyond more sometimes. And yes, while I can’t imagine sending one of my siblings (older or younger) off into the woods alone for any reason (I also could understand going off before they could stop you; I can understand why & how Feyre might’ve without them even knowing; because if it were my family it wouldn’t matter I’d do it, even if someone older was there), but I also can’t pretend it would be oh so easy to keep all four people alive by yourself (to a certain extent Nesta needs to be alive because she is the only “semi-adult” in the first place) and still as a child abandoned by the world (she had her issues too) she was a daughter so sure her father would save them begging for it in agony over it and lost in the world. While I in Nesta’s shoes would NEVER have let Feyre be near anyone during a break in, we don’t know the full story, Nesta may not have had options; she may have just run, grabbed Elain who was close by, and hid because at least she could keep them alive; and she was also a terrified child. And while Elain “went along” in Nesta’s shelter without protest; WHY WOULD’NT SHE? All children crave & deserve protection, safety, kindness, love, she has that in Nesta; why would she run from the only stability she has; especially as the child that lost something else (where Nesta was the favorite & simultaneously resented their mother, and Feyre was the “forgotten” child who never got to be a child or know such a kind of safe love, Elain did which means she knew the loss of it she had a mother to grieve) she was young and terrified and holding on to the only thing she could? And what happened to Feyre was terrible, she was forced to shoulder a burden alone, she also took it on (not blaming her, just saying she also didn’t say anything; because it was survival) and yes, it was wrong. But what happened to Nesta and Elain was also wrong. The three of them were children, and they could have done better, but they did their best and survived. As adults, they have begun healing those wounds. What else can we expect other than accountability from the ACTUAL adults at fault?! *and by actual I mean fictional😂*

The past is past. (To some extent in this context side at least)

So I guess all I’m saying is WHY ARE ALL THESE YA NOVELS BASED ON BABY’s AND TEENAGERs AND WHERE ARE ANYONE's PARENTS (oh wait their all orphans that tracks now) CAUSE I GUESS IT'S THE TROPE 🤦‍♀️ and the next character that gets all political & sexist & “my way or the highway child” during the middle of a WAR by blaming Aelin (or gods forbid poor the more I learn) Aedion for what they did to survive as children during Empire of Storms is going to get my wrath😅😂🤣 and don’t you dare Darrow EVER talk to Lysandra like that again!!! *thank you, Rowan, for protecting them; your family; with pride* (at least the 200-year-old stepped up to the plate😅😅😂… too soon?)

Shoutout to iwantavaldezinator for fandoming with me about the Terrasen issue😂

[moonssugar]

i go to iwtv twitter (mistake) and we’re already seeing people say “that wasnt the real lestat” girl he punched a priest in the head the way a hole puncher punches holes in paper and shanked a guy for singing off key thats the cunt we all know and love

[lordmushroomkat]

Anyway I have purged my queue of Ace Attorney (I posted it all, enjoy the the massive wall of nonsense from me.) So now it's just miscellaneous and then The New Brainrot.

There's already an image of one of these clowns on here so enjoy that.

But anyway... It's Vanitas Time.

I am unhinged about all of the characters but I am becoming absolutely unwell about the titular Vanitas himself.

He's an asshole and I like him so much.

He's unhinged. He's so disingenuous and so repressed but he's so bad at keeping his feelings in. I swear sometimes he's just dissociating in the middle of a conversation.

He's a bastard and a bitch. He hates both vampires and humans for their cruelty but not nearly as much as he hates himself.

He has completely given up on life and is sustaining himself purely on spite and guilt. He makes people hate him on purpose.

He is kind but not nice. He is the embodiment of that cat knife meme, you know the one. He is babygirl and pathetic little meow meow. I want to send him to therapy.*

His vibes are constructed entirely out of red flags. He's a bisexual man that you want to keep 20 feet away from all women at all times because geeeeez my guy learn to behave yourself. He's a sarcastic prick. He's incomprehensibly traumatized.

I want to run him over with a freight train. I want to wrap him up in a homemade quilt and give him a cup of hot cocoa. I want someone to hold him tenderly. I want that twink obliterated (gayly).

He looks and acts like a feral alley cat. His outfit is simultaneously iconic and absurd. I think he stole someone's gender. He wears gloves with claws on them.

He is terrified of genuine connection yet he craves intimacy so badly. He is a massive pile of trust issues.

He is doomed by the narrative, he is running out of time, he is destroying himself through every step of his objective. He knows he will likely destroy himself before he can ever succeed. He is terrified of losing his humanity. He calls his objective vengeance but I'm pretty sure it's actually absolution.

There is something very very wrong with him.💖💜💙

*(I want to send all of these characters to therapy.)

[write-4-sore-eyes]

My therapist is a vampire

I think my therapist is a vampire 

and I'm aware that sounds insane, 

But I’ve observed some odd behaviors 

and think his condition is to blame. 

At first, disregarding this peculiar conduct 

his unexpected moods and his sudden charm, 

It has now become quite frightening

my deep, amorous, feelings cause even more alarm. 

In the beginning, I found it perplexing and unusual

holding our sessions in the dead of night, 

I was unaware my radiating love and devotion

for my sweet cuddlebat, would be too bright. 

I think my therapist is a vampire

he says I’m unstable, but hear me out,

If he had left my heart with any blood in it, 

I’m sure it would still bleed for him, no doubt!

I assumed he cherished and adored me 

that’s how cunning flattery will make you feel, 

My grinning cheeks, rosy skin, and smiling gaze 

found dark hungry eyes, surveying his next meal. 

I’ll admit, it was quite painful when he bit me

trusting his expert advice, I said I’d let him try, 

I was blissfully unaware of his plan to discard me 

but only after he had his fill and bled me dry. 

I think my therapist is a vampire 

if only there were something that I could do, 

As a ghost, I am no longer of any use to him

left my dead white corpse, into the night he flew.  

They're said to have powers of persuasion and hypnosis

knowing my beloved blood-sucker, it's definitely correct, 

Once cheerful thoughts were replaced by his insinuations

unworthy of compassion and undeserving of respect. 

You would think with his supernatural hearing 

he would have been able to hear my heart break and shatter, 

But his poor, cursed heart was made of stone, 

so to my fanged psychoanalyst, it did not matter. 

I think my therapist is a vampire

for my darling Dracula, there seems to be no cure, 

I’ll seek my advice from someone else now, 

there’s only so much garlic a dead girl can endure!

[monstersinthecosmos]

Armand in therapy bc his leftover cult trauma and lack of a childhood means he feels obligated to fix everything and everybody and Louis in therapy bc being Lestat's husband is traumatic as fuck and he constantly feels like he has to keep Lestat out of danger; Trinity Gate is a sanctuary to enjoy each other's company in the quiet, two people who know what it feels like and just need a place to land and take a break.

[embryhallowed]

That moment when you gotta talk in depth about Astarion, his tragic backstory, and his quest line, with your therapist for reasons 😅😅

[wolfeyedwitch]

Masterlist

Charles watched them, noting they were much more considerate and refined whilst eating then the first time.

In general, he tried not to judge people for their manners, especially when knowing they came from quite unfortunate backgrounds, but sometimes the snobbishness still reared its ugly head.

But that was an issue to unpack and fix later in therapy. Right now, his vampire guest (was the that right term to think of them as?) needed to be attended to and informed.

"Wonderful, now that is done for, we can move forward. Dear, I would like to show you around my home later today, if that is alright. Please, gather your strength first and then I shall come fetch you in a few hours. Do you have any questions?"

The vampire thought for a moment. He hadn't been angry the day before, when it had asked about his muse. And he had asked, after all. So asking one of its own questions seemed safe enough. Of course it had questions; the better question was, what questions should it ask? What could it ask?

It repeated the gestures it had used the day before to ask about the other pet, the muse, Ollie. It gestured to itself, to him, and gestured to the space where another person would be.

It hoped its owner would understand what it couldn't say.

Will Ollie be coming along?

It didn't know which option would be more stressful.

[mademoisellebianx]

[captain-noir]

im 90% sure that the deterioration of lestat and claudia’s relationship can be attributed to him reading her diaries. up until that point (barring charlie because i chalk that up to her trauma and his strict and tactless approach to death and not any underlying malice) he’d been keeping his distance per louis’ request. its only when he was confronted with her thoughts - inked with ungratefulness/hurtful words for both of your guardians - and her actions that led the cops to their sanctuary, was when he washed his hands off of her. and his resentment only calcified into pure hatred when louis pined for her for seven years in spite of everything

[brewinghorror]

YEAH I'm one of those sickos who loves ADAM. Wacchu gonna do about it? Bite me?? In some dank underground cellar?? Do it then COWARD.