#virgil and janus are idiots

[mono-socke]

hello sanders sides fandom, how are you ??

[loganslowdown4]

{Sides Play Monopoly}

Roman: I HATE YOU!

Janus: Oh?? WELL NEXT TIME DON’T STEAL MY MONOPOLY!

Logan: Roman, give Janus your $200, you landed on his property.

Roman: NO! HE’S IN JAIL! I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE MONEY TO A CRIMINAL!

Janus: That’s not how you PLAYYYYY!!!!!

Patton: Why are we all yelling??

Remus: Shut the fuck up padre! You don’t get to talk after stealing my last railroad

Roman: I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN

Logan: ME TOO. YOU THINK I WANTED THIS??!

Virgil: *high pitched screaming*

[analogical-interactions]

I get the feeling that Roman got roped into the analogical love story entirely by accident. Like, one day he suddenly rises into Logan’s room to tell him it’s lunchtime and catches Logan crying because he’s overwhelmed by his feelings for Virgil. Or maybe Roman was chatting with Virgil about something Logan taught them and he catches Virgil’s eyeshadow going light purple and sparkly. It’s something like that, but after that point, Roman just thinks “I’m the romantic one and these idiots are bad at feelings, time to handle this myself!” and then Roman plays matchmaker! He’s not good at playing matchmaker, but he plays matchmaker!

Meanwhile, Remus tries to sabotage the matchmaking because he thinks it’s funny, Patton is trying to get them to stop because they’ll “talk about their feelings when they’re ready” (they won’t) and Janus is watching the whole thing go down while drinking a ton of wine.

I love this XD

Roman: Wonder what I'm going to do today

Roman: *sees Virgil and Logan obviously fawning over each other*

Roman: Matchmaking it is!

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

I think it be cute if Virgil rants to Janus or Roman about how much he likes Remus. Pre dating. Saying how handsome he is, how nice he is to only him, other things to strictly Janus who DOES NOT want to hear that, etc.

And they’re like

*They look at Remus* sure Virgil.. as long as your happy-

*virgil looking at him with hearts in his eyes as rem somehow burns water*

- Vee 💜

The Emo has a lot of feelings he needs to let out but the moment he sees Ree doing the most stupidest shit in the distance his ass is not paying attention to whatever advice his friends are giving him XD

[chameleon66]

Sanders sides Valentine’s Day headcanons

Author’s note: I decided to do Valentine's day headcanons on some of Sanders Sides' ships. I'm sorry if I didn’t include your favorite ship but there are only so many things I could think and write at the time. I promise I will write something new soon and please give me your thoughts on my headcanons. Happy Reading!

Logicality (Logan x Patton)

Patton spent most of his day in the kitchen cooking a special dinner for him and Logan which is about 40% actual food and 60% sweets because both of them have sweet tooths but Logan doesn’t usually allow himself to have any so Patton decided to spoil him

Logan bought Patton a shark Blanket for his bed with a hood and mittens sewn into it (Because believe it or not Patton’s favorite characters in Finding Nemo are the sharks)

Patton sets up the dinner in the imagination and Logan is so flattered that Patton put in all this time and effort into his gift and he’s also flustered because of how cute and affectionate Patton is being with him

After they finished eating they decided to go home and watch Big Hero 6 and Toy Story 2 on Logan’s laptop before they cuddled up in Logan’s bed and fell asleep

Roceit (Janus x Roman)

Janus gets Roman a new 300 page notebook to write all his award winning ideas in and spent a few days customizing it with all of Roman’s favorite musicals on the cover

On Valentine's day Janus couldn’t find Roman all day but in the afternoon he found a mysterious letter on his pillow inviting him to a ball in the imagination that night (I’ll give you three guesses who the letter is from)

That night Janus went into the imagination in a snake skin print suit and finds part of the imagination has been transformed into a huge ball room with a glass ceiling showing the night sky a self playing grand piano and Roman waiting for him in a bright red ballgown dress

That night the two of them danced, exchanged sweet words, recreated Disney princess and Disney prince scenes with each other and came back home around 7 a.m and fell asleep in Roman’s room

Dukexeity (Remus x Virgil)

Since both Remus and Virgil have problems with giving and accepting love they decide to do what they both do best, make everyone in the mind palace suffer (Playing pranks on the others) one example is them taking Logan’s stuff from where he last put them and putting them somewhere different (It made Logan think he was going crazy)

They also tainted Janus’s face mask with marker ink which caused Janus’s scales to be stained bright pink for almost a whole week after Valentine's day

But both of them targeted Roman the most, between placing a bucket of slime above his door which fell on him when he opened it or drawing on his face when he took a nap, they did it all to him (They didn’t prank Patton because Virgil refused to because Virgil doesn’t want to hurt a soul as pure as him)

After they were done pranking the others they hid under Virgil’s bed and watched youtube to avoid the others until they fell asleep under the bed together

Logince (Logan x Roman)

Logan spent most of the week before Valentine's day a stressed mess trying to figure out the perfect gift to give Roman because nothing he found ever seemed to be good enough for Roman so in the end he went with making something for him, a list of 101 things he loved about Roman

On Valentine's day morning he woke up for breakfast only to find Patton there not cooking but just sitting there as if waiting for Logan and when Logan asked Patton what he was up to, Patton just smiled and said “Not what I’m up to.”

Patton then handed a envelope to Logan and snuck out with a wink, Roman had planned Logan a scavenger hunt with riddles which then led Logan to Roman in the imagination who made a breakfast picnic for both of them with toast, muffins and Crofters jam

After they finished Breakfast Logan gave Roman his gift that Roman broke into happy tears at and they spent the whole day in the imagination hanging out with each other and experimenting with crazy ideas

Dukeceit (Janus x Remus)

Neither of them like Valentine's day, Remus because it’s a holiday dedicated to lovey dovey mushy gushy stuff and Janus because it’s such a commercial holiday that really serves no well known purpose

So instead they treat it like any other day but both of them kept subtly being a little more affectionate with each other like Janus making Remus a sandwich while Remus is busy making Thomas consider stupid things or Remus holding Janus’s hand under the table at breakfast

That night since everyone else is out of the house they cuddle up on the couch with wine and have a SAW movie marathon (Janus likes SAW because of the thought put into each trap and Remus just loves the idea of each trap and sometimes tests them on himself because he’s not real so he can’t die)

The both fall asleep on the couch in a wine induced sleep coma with Janus’s head on Remus’s chest and when Patton comes home and finds them he gently covers them with a blanket and switched off the TV (But not before being traumatized by a woman having her stomach cut open by a buzz saw)

Intrulogical (Remus x Logan)

Together they plan a full day’s worth of activities that start with a nice breakfast they made together early in the morning before Patton had woken up to make them breakfast, after Breakfast they went into the part imagination that Remus had full control over and they spent the whole day answering questions and experimenting

Since Remus has questions and Logan loves answers they came up with a full list of questions like “What would happen if you turned a human inside out?”, “Can sharks smell fear?”, “What acid dissolves human flesh the fastest?”, “Is it possible to jump from one plane to another and live?” just to name a few, they thought they’d try and answer them all

They came home in the evening covered in blood with ripped clothes, messy hair, and some mild(ish) injuries which scared the heck out of the others

After they lost consciousness Virgil, Patton, Janus and Roman took care of their injuries and put them to bed and both say they still would consider it a great day

Moceit (Janus x Patton)

Patton woke Janus up with breakfast in bed and bouquet of a dozen roses and they cuddled in bed until the afternoon afterwards

After they got up and ready Janus gave Patton his gift, a scrapbook of all the sides and pictures of all the fun moments they had together, the squeal Patton let out could shatter glass and then Janus was squished in bone crushing hug

What Patton finally let Janus go they went off on their planned date only to find Remus lurking around every corner and trying to but in on everything they were doing like the very intentionally third wheel he was trying to be (He didn’t have a reason for doing this other than just being bored and it was fun to watch Janus get angry) so they spent most of their date trying to hide from Remus and failing horribly to do so

Once they got home Janus locked him and Patton in the bathroom just so they could be alone for a while and not be third wheeled, so they ended their Valentine's day cuddling on the title of the bathroom with noise canceling headphones on to block out the sound of Remus banging on the door

Prinxiety (Roman x Virgil)

Virgil told Roman he didn’t want anything super grand for Valentine's day and that he wanted to keep everything lowkey which Roman surprisingly agreed to

On Valentine's day Patton took Virgil out for what he called “Friendintine’s day” but Virgil saw it was a poorly devised excuse to keep him out of the house while Roman was without a doubt setting up a surprise for him but he pretended to be unaware as Patton and him hung out in the imagination with Patton coming up with one excuse after another to keep them from going home

Once they got back to the Mind palace Virgil went to his room to find a pillow fort had been made on top of his bed and a tray of snacks had also been set out with Roman waiting for him his Beast onesie, Virgil was speechless but extremely happy that was made very clear by how his eyeshadow changed from back to a bright shimmery purple when he saw the display

After Virgil got changed into his skeleton onesie they took turns picking out movies to watch (Mostly Disney movies) and fell asleep around 2 am

Second Author’s note: Thank you for reading and whether you’re spending Valentine's day with a partner or alone, remember to take time to do something you love doing.

[one-idiot-one-braincell]

shout out to fictionkin who are just manifestations of a particular aspect of a Florida mans personality, fictionkin who are a figment of their human, or whole's imagination. shout out to fictionkin who show the more 'inhuman' parts of themselves showing they aren't a 'complete' person on their own and ultimately need the others to be 'whole'. shout out to sanders sides fictionkins y'all are great not me personally tho im cringe and you should look away/silly

[321gark]

"Janus has a party trick where he can fake having a forked tongue, and his main use for it is scaring kids into not putting knives in their mouths"

-Virgil

[remuscore]

I absolutely love how Patton and Virgil were struggling a little to giving Logan and Roman good days but Janus jumps in like “fucking idiots lmao let me show you how it’s done” and gives Remus the best day with absolutely no mess ups or stress

[warnadudenexttime]

I always talk about protective/jealous Virgil but now I got jealous Logan on the brain

Ok picture

Janus almost svs style integrating Logan about his feelings for Virgil

He’s annoyed by the Logan lying to himself thing, (I love the dumb hc of Janus just hearing all the lies the sides tell) cause it’s becoming too much at this point man

So he’s like

Janus: how do you feel about seeing one of us smile?

Logan: mmm I’d say neutral but leaning on the positive side, it can show that I’ve done my part to keep you all in line or it shows Thomas’ wellbeing is looking adequate.

Janus: even-

Logan: if Remus is smiling however, likely means he’s done something somewhere and that’s never good so, that’s an exception, yes.

Janus: checks out. mhm. How does virgil smiling make you feel?

Logan, looking slightly away: similar feelings to if I see the others…

Janus, clicking his tongue: Uhuh?

Janus: and what if Roman made virgil smile?

Logan, furrowed brow: slightly… different… why Roman? Why are we bringing up him, this is about me.

Janus, internally: ohhhh he’s so stupidddd, idiot mclogical side

But Janus using slimey words like in the courtroom so he can figure out info before Logan realizes what he’s doing lol

Afterwards Janus tells Roman

(I love the idea of besties roceit being analogical shippers lol)

Roman: HES JEALOUS ABOUT ME? BEING FRIENDS WITH VIRGIL? IM LIKE HIS BIGGEST WINGMAN!

Janus: idk I just work here man

[blazethecheeto]

Things Sanders Sides Characters Absolutely Have Said Pt.2

Virgil: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee.

Janus: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

-

Roman: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.

Logan: I would say infinitesimally, ha.

Patton: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

-

Thomas: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

-

Patton: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there?

Remus: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.

Patton:

Patton: *sobs*

Janus: You fucking scared him, you idiot.

-

Remy: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.

Thomas:

Remy: Vroom vroom, come out already

-

Roman: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Logan: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Patton: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Virgil: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

-

Logan: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?

Patton: Exercise more!

Remus: Set yourself on fire.

Virgil: There are two kinds of people.

-

[5am-the-foxing-hour]

Fey Remus and Fey Roman: *in a competition to see who can chop up their pile of wood into firewood the fastest* Patton *gathering the thrown about firewood into baskets so Janus can carry them to the woodshed*: Oh! Virgil, where are you going? Vampire Virgil *dressed up in a black cape and more vampire aesthetic look, compared to his more relaxed everyday wear*: Coven meeting. Shouldn't take longer than a week... Ugh I hate when the whole family get together. Too many people. Werewolf Janus: Good luck. Vampire Virgil: Thanks. I'm glad it only happens once every century. Patton: I keep forgetting you're really old, Virgil. Vampire Virgil: I'm younger than those two idiots *gestures towards Remus and Roman who are now hurling insults at each other*. Werewolf Janus: ... how old are they exactly? Witch Logan *basket of mushrooms at his hip*: The two of them are about as old as this forest, so a millennia give or take, but who knows really. They never give me a good answer. I'm starting to suspect they don't know it themselves.

[rasbbyontmbr]

I think the only character I can draw consistently may be Virgil. Have a hatless Janus in a sweater and a Virgil smiling! 💜💛

Also an eepy Remus under cut.

Get tucked in, idiot. 💚

(This new style I’m trying out doesn’t like Remus or Logan or Roman. Bluh.)

[loganslowdown4]

Janus: I’m going on a date with Patton, bye.

Virgil: No

Janus: What?

Remus: Chores before whores.

Janus:

Virgil: Dishes before bitches.

Janus:

Remus: Cutting grass before getting ass.

Janus: I’m telling Patton what you said.

Virgil: NOOO

Remus: ITS JUST A FIGURE OF SPEECH

Janus: Goodbye *leaves*

Virgil: Degenerate!

Remus: Ingrate! Freeloader!

Virgil: Let’s go make all his gloves fingerless

Remus: Let’s.

[sleepyvirgilprompts]

Janus tutted softly as he swept Virgil's hair off of his forehead. "What am I going to do with you?"

Virgil, of course-- thankfully-- didn't respond. He wouldn't be waking up for at least a good couple hours if Janus had anything to say about it. Which he did:

"Idiot."

He sighed heavily. Of course Virgil was an idiot. What else was new?

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Language Barriers

same anon as like 5 minutes ago, I remembered the fluffy prompt! Could you write a Sanders Sides DLAMPR fic (before they get together) where all of the Sides have different love languages? And they’re all trying to flirt in their own way, but the others keep misinterpreting it? A lot of TSS fic features the Sides having different love languages (and I’d like to think they do, in canon), but I’ve yet to see a fic that specifically focuses on that fact and describes the differences between love languages. Feel free to ignore, and remember to take care of yourself! – anon

hey I love love love love LOVE your writing! If you’re open to prompts rn, I’ve just reread your story "Idiots, Idiots, Everywhere" and it’s awesome, thanks very much, BUT. Are you willing to write a Sanders Sides fic where it focuses more specifically on all the Sides having different love languages? Bonus points if it’s DLAMPR (but platonic PR, this is an incest-free household) and all the Sides are like “…but he’s like this with everyone”. No pressure at ALL, but it’d be cool to see how you approach that. – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none

Pairings: dlampr

Word Count: 3431

Or, five times the Sides misunderstood each other's love languages, and one time Thomas got fed up with it and decided to just...explain it to them with the efficiency they have when they're trying to explain something to him. Which is to say: it takes them a second to get it. The Imagination helps.

Physical Touch

If you were to ask anyone, they would tell you that Patton loves giving people hugs.

It’s the bane of some of their existences, they’d try to claim, and the others might just shrug and say that’s Patton for you. He knows his kiddos love it, at least a little bit. But he won’t lie, he does love a good hug. There’s just something so magical about how, out of all the shapes humans could have possibly been, they’re just perfectly designed to hold one another. Isn’t that just perfect?

Logan would probably say something about evolution and adaptation to the needs of their environment, or something, but he’s not gonna rain on Patton’s parade. Humans are hug-shaped, so they’re gonna hug. Besides, he’s not complaining when he’s working downstairs in the winter and he’s gotten too absorbed in his work and then a Patton-shaped heating pad just comes along and hugs him.

Patton loves hugging all of the Sides. Logan because he’s always so surprised by it, in a good way! He gets this soft little look that is almost on the edge of a smile, like he wasn’t expecting it but it’s the best possible outcome he never could have predicted. Or when he’s trying to comfort Patton and he hugs with undeniable certainty.

Virgil is also fun to hug, because he’s such a pouty-face about it. He snuggles up as much as any of them but he has to put on his mopey show first, just in case anyone’s watching. Virgil also gives the mopey hugs too, but then he makes himself just a bit bigger so he can wrap all the way around Patton. Which is the best.

Speaking of wrapping all the way around, Janus has six arms and he uses every single one of them. They get into competitions sometimes—not serious! It’s all for fun!—about who can surprise-hug each other the worst. Or best. Janus is currently winning from the time he managed to make himself look like the chair in the living room with a blanket over it; Patton sat down and boo!

Remus isn’t allowed to do surprise hugs, not after he accidentally tackled Patton into his Kraken’s pond and they had to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get out of the pond. But Remus’s hugs are the kind that squish his soul right back into his body and ugh, there’s nothing better than that after a long day. Besides, it’s not like expecting Remus’s hugs takes anything away, he’s still going to squeeze him so hard he might not be able to breathe for a few seconds, but that’s Remus!

And then with Roman—Roman hugs the way every single knight from a fairytale should hug. He just makes you feel safe and precious and like nothing in the world could hurt you. It’s why Patton always sits next to Roman during scary movie nights, after all, even if he gets teased about it a little. Roman doesn’t mind.

So yes, Patton does love hugging all of them. But it doesn’t have to be hugging! It can be holding hands, or just leaning against each other, just as long as he can feel them and tell himself yes, they’re okay, they’re right here, I love them.

Because he does. He loves them terribly. Even if they think he’s just a big fan of hugs.

***

2. Quality Time

Virgil has the reputation of being the cat of the Mindscape for good reason. Not because he hisses at things that don’t cooperate—the other Sides are not excluded from this—and not because he spits up hairballs—it was one time, Remus, and it was entirely your fault—but because he has a habit of just appearing in the same room and hanging out for a while.

…alright, it’s not a habit, he does it on purpose.

Companionable silence really is the best way to go about things. You’re both close enough to talk if you want to, but each of them is allowed to do their own thing and hey, there’s another person doing their own thing too. Which is why it’s his favorite way of hanging out with Logan, especially when he needs to make sure that something gets done. He’s always down to affectionately bully Logan into whatever he asks him to make sure he does.

He does that with Remus too, but it’s not exactly the same: Remus needs someone to make sure he doesn’t actually destroy anything, and he’s more than happy to oblige. Especially since he likes to get a bit of a heads-up before a rampaging beast goes barreling through the kitchen at some ungodly hour of the morning.

If he’s never beating the cat allegations, Janus sure as hell isn’t helping. There’s a big window in the Dark Sides’ half of the Mindscape that is perfect for lying in for, oh, a few hours on end. Remus has many—too many, if you ask Virgil—pictures of the two of them just basking in the sun, dozing like they haven’t got a care in the world.

Virgil’s actual favorite place to sleep is with his head in Patton’s lap. Especially after he’s just finished baking, when he’s all warm from the oven and he smells like sugar and spice…Virgil will sit on the counter or the floor and listen to Patton talk about whatever he wants and then while the oven bakes, he’ll fall asleep right in Patton’s lap. He even gets first dibs on whatever just got made.

Roman makes a game of it. He’s the Prince, every good Prince needs a rogue to work with. They trek all over the Imagination, having adventures, defeating monsters, it’s the perfect mix of Roman’s quests and Virgil’s need to be a creepy little shit in every dark corner he can find. Being with Roman even makes boring council meetings fun, because he gets to terrify the idiots that they’re just gonna fight later anyway and he gets to spend time with Roman.

He doesn’t care what he’s doing, not really, just as long as he can spend time with them. He just…wishes they would understand that sometimes.

***

3. Words of Affirmation

Logan is no stranger to impostor syndrome, but that doesn’t mean he has to allow it to plague those he cares for. Understanding something to be true on an intellectual level and feeling the validation that comes from hearing someone else voice it are two very different things. The other Sides are each remarkable in their own right. They deserve to hear it.

Patton is kind. He does not say that lightly: kind people who choose to be kind because they know how difficult it is are not individuals to be trifled with. Patton makes the conscious choice to try and be better every single day. He is earnest and sincere, sometimes painfully so, but he does not allow himself to be dissuaded by obstacles. How could Logan not want to express his admiration?

And Roman…oh, Roman is a wonder. There is so much that goes into his work that often goes unnoticed, or underappreciated, and it is a crime that Logan too often finds himself on the wrong side of that line. Roman is clever and funny and has a work ethic that, truly, rivals Logan’s own. For every slight he makes, however unintentional, he tries his best to make up for it by telling Roman in no uncertain terms how honored Logan is to be part of his creative process.

Remus is an entirely different story, no pun intended. Remus is unabashedly and unapologetically himself, and as such is a marvel to behold. He cares not for the sanitization or reduction of anything in his work, and so Logan does his best to follow suit. Remus is who he is, and it is beautiful.

He tells Janus he’s beautiful too. And not once is he lying. The first time he did it, Janus laughed in his face, at least until he realized Logan was telling the truth. He then didn’t see Janus for an entire week. It ended when a little snake plushie appeared outside of his door in the middle of the night with a tiny note that just said thank you. He tells Janus he’s beautiful every chance he gets now.

Virgil is his little alley cat. Perfectly fine to approach on his terms, but will let him know with no uncertainties when he’s getting a little too close. It doesn’t help that Virgil is quite fun to tease, even if all he’s doing is giving him compliments—true compliments, mind you—and watching in amusement as Virgil curls up into a ball with his hood pulled down over his ears as if that could hide how red they are. He’s not cruel about it, of course; he stops the moment Virgil appears genuinely uncomfortable and there are certain topics he doesn’t go near. But Virgil can’t always hide his little grin and so on it goes.

He’s quite happy to shower them with his words, he just…doesn’t know if they’d believe him if he said I love you.

***

4. Acts of Service

Words are difficult. There is so much ambiguity to be found in even the most basic of sentences, and when it comes to matters like this, Janus prefers to take as few chances as possible. Whoever coined the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words,’ Janus definitely owes a drink for how spot-on it is.

Whenever Patton needs a hand in the kitchen, he’s always the first to volunteer. He can do up to three things in the time it would take another Side to do just one, after all, and he’s had enough experience cooking for the troublemakers (Virgil and Remus) to know how to get around most of their pranks. And how to get them back.

Logan, bless him, has a tendency to overwork himself at the best of times. And in doing so, he gets these terrible knots and cramps in his neck and shoulders from hunching over his desk for hours on end. It might not be the most polite of things to practically blackmail his way into giving Logan a massage, but the poor dear always falls right to sleep so he mustn’t mind too much.

Remus and his delightful menagerie of creatures often need more than their fair share of attention. He had to pester Remus into getting him a raincoat and muck boots that could withstand the acidic slime, but weekend mornings found them strolling cheerfully through pens and cages and paddocks, tending to the bizarre flock. Anything to make the chore more of a fun activity and less of, well, a chore, when Remus really doesn’t suit stressed-out frowns as well as manic grins.

Virgil has a terrible habit of not asking for reassurance when he needs it. Janus regrets the part he played in making it that way. So, no matter how small and stupid Virgil may think it is, whenever he asks for help, Janus gives it. A tug on his cloak or a soft please will have him do anything from turn the light in the hallway on to checking the poor thing over for wounds after a brutal nightmare. It took long enough for Janus to re-earn that trust, he’s not going to lose it if he can damn well help it.

Out of everyone in the Mindscape, only Roman truly appreciates his love of theater. Sure, the others are game to help out here and there, but when it comes to the art of make-believe, Roman is the proud owner of Janus’s ‘yes-and’ partnership. The two of them make all sorts of stories together, from villains and heroes to morally grey adventurers, to simple fairytales and old plays. Roman needs someone else to help him play the roles and Janus is more than happy to play with him.

Perhaps one day, he might be able to reveal that everything he does for them, he does because it’s them, but for now, he’ll happily play the role they expect of him.

***

5. Gifts

Roman and Remus do not, in fact, fight over who gets to give the most presents to the other Sides.

Instead, they fight over whose idea they work on first.

For Logan, Remus’s self-writing pen narrowly won out over Roman’s proposal for a never-ending notebook, if only because said pen squirted ink into Roman’s mouth before he could finish his argument. They ended up giving both to Logan at the same time, but the pen was decidedly on top and did its own little celebratory wriggle when Logan used it for the first time.

Remus nearly challenged Roman to a formal duel when it came to designing a heat lamp for Janus that wouldn’t run the same risk of burning out the electricity in their section of the Mindscape. They managed to agree on everything up to the design on the lampshade. Roman said it should be a yellow snake, curled up and sleeping, and Remus wanted it to be a big leaf that Janus could lay under like he was actually outside. The compromise was eventually reached over many hours of almost bloodshed and now the sleeping snake under a leaf is a staple in the corner of Janus’s room.

Roman cleverly proposed Virgil’s weighted blanket while Remus was being crushed under said blanket, leaving not a lot of wiggle room until he had to agree. Of course, he promptly fell asleep and cuddled Roman into a pile of goo, so technically they made both the blanket and the plushie at around the same time. Virgil still brings the little skeleton to movie nights.

Patton gets their presents one after the other, because you need one to understand the other’s context. A rebreather designed to slip on over the person’s face just like any other face mask, to filter out particulates and allergens. Something that could be worn for up to two consecutive hours before it needed to be recharged.

The other present was a box full of kittens.

”Ro?”

“Yeah?”

Remus pushes his goggles to the top of his head and looks over the desk. “Do you think they’ll ever get it?”

Roman sighs, closing his notebook and leaning back to stretch. “I don’t know, Re. I love them, really, they just…”

”Don’t realize.”

“Yeah. It’s okay, though. We’ll get there eventually.”

“Of course we will. Hand me that wrench, would you?”

“The one that’s covered in guts, or the one that’s made out of foam?”

“The foam one. I need to whack this thing but I don’t wanna hit it too hard.”

“I’m not gonna ask any more questions.”

***

+1: I Love You

”Hey!” Patton rises up first, clapping his hands. “Oh. I’m the only one here.”

“Only by a moment,” Logan says as he joins him. “Is Thomas here?”

“No, I just got summoned by—well, I thought it was Thomas but he’s not here.”

“Whoa, hey!” Virgil appears on the staircase. “What’s going on? I was in the middle of watching someone.”

“Don’t you mean ‘something?’” Remus appears, covered in slime and cackling. “Ah. I see.”

“I’ve got it,” Roman says, rising up and spraying his brother with something that somehow manages to dissolve all the goo without staining or spraying anything else. “There. Now maybe you’ll think twice about surprising Uma when she’s feeding?”

“Oh, I’m gonna do this so many more times!”

”I felt the exasperation from my room,” Janus sighs, appearing, “what’s Remus done now?”

“Why did you assume it was Remus?” Janus just looks at Logan. “Fair enough.”

”Now that we’re all here, what is this about?” He looks around, frowning. “Where’s Thomas?”

“That’s weird, is he not the one who called for a meeting?”

“What’s that?” Virgil reaches out and picks up a piece of paper from the coffee table. “‘Each one of you needs a card, find the matches.’ What cards?”

“Here.” Logan picks up something that fell when Virgil picked up the paper. “There are only five of them, though, and six of us.”

“What do they say?”

“Let me see…one says ‘Physical Touch,’ one says ‘Acts of Service,’ one says…oh, I see.”

“I don’t,” Patton says, “can you share with the class?”

“Wait, wait, I think I know what this is, is one of them ‘Quality Company’ or something?”

“‘Quality Time,’ yes.”

Roman nods. “It’s the Five Love Languages.”

“Thomas doesn’t even speak Spanish!”

“No, no, Padre, not literal languages, it’s…it’s the ways you express your affection for someone. How you tell them you love them. There’s five: physical touch, acts of service, quality time…”

“‘Words of Affirmation,’” Logan continues, reading off the other cards, “and ‘Gifts.’”

Virgil hunches his shoulders. “So what, are we supposed to pick one?”

“I believe the intention of the exercise is to…select which one is our love language.”

Janus huffs. “Why? What does Thomas have to gain from doing something like this? And where is he?”

“Maybe he’s not the one who summoned us.”

“Well then who did?”

“Maybe if we do the thing we can find out.”

Janus sighs, peering over Logan’s shoulder and squinting. “I guess this one’s mine, then.”

“‘Acts of Service?’ Very well. I suppose I’ll take ‘Words of Affirmation.’”

“Can I have the touch one?”

“Certainly.”

“Twins get ‘Gifts,’ obviously,” Virgil mutters, “which means I get the…time one, or whatever.”

Logan hands out the last two cards and they stand there for a moment, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing does.

Patton looks back down at his card. “Wait, did you say these are how we tell people we love them?”

“That is a simple definition of this, why?”

“Because you guys do these with everyone!”

There’s a pause. Logan adjusts his glasses. “Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but…yes, I do indeed give you all words of affirmation, because, well…”

“Aww,” Virgil says, “do you love us, Logan?”

Logan coughs, blushes, and adjusts his tie. “I believe that is a logical conclusion, yes.”

“Aww!” Patton squeals. “I love you guys too!”

”So whoever set this up knew that we were all trying to tell each other that—“ Roman starts.

“—and needed to hammer it into our heads what was happening,” Remus finishes.

“Well,” Janus sniffs, even as a smile threatens the corners of his mouth, “how dramatic.”

Virgil tugs on the strings of his hoodie. “Yeah. How dramatic.”

There’s another pause.

Roman coughs. “Uh, this seems like a good a time as any, um…Remus and I put together a festival thing in the Imagination for everyone, if you want to…if you want to come and see it.”

“It has everyone’s favorite state fair stuff,” Remus sands, “and there’s supposed to be a northern-lights kind of thing after it gets dark.”

“Can we cuddle?”

“Of course.”

“Will there be food?”

“Your favorite, shadow-ling.”

“You two are so thoughtful,” Logan says softly, “I would love to come.”

“I can get the good blankets from the closet,” Janus offers, and everyone grins, “should we meet there in ten?”

“Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”

The Imagination is just happy they finally sorted it out. Now, to give the six of them a group date they’ll never forget…

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

[lefaystrent]

Florida Man Cannot Be Contained

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: platonic dlampr

Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Remus is not the menace of the friend group.

It's Patton.

-------------------------------------------------------

The six of them were hanging out for the first time.

More accurately, Logan had recently been absorbed into Virgil's friend group.

They've had classes together over a few semesters. Logan's majoring in Chemical Engineering, and Virgil's majoring in Forensic Science, so there's some overlap and a lot of shared interests. While he appreciated Virgil's clever-streak and conversational merit, Logan never would have offered to spend time together outside of the classroom. He convinced himself he didn't need extracurriculars, like friendship.

"Come meet my friends, nerd," Virgil ordered after class one day.

And that was that.

On their way to a pizza joint outside of campus, Logan observed the others. They were loud, obnoxious, flamboyant, and below his intelligence. His mother would never approve.

Logan vindictively liked them.

"Oh my gosh, I love your new bag, Janus!"

"Thank you, it's Prada."

"I didn't know they sold Prada at Goodwill."

"....they do now."

Virgil maneuvered himself to be his social buffer. He kept close by Logan's elbow, and muttered meanings to inside jokes and slang to him when Logan so much as raised a brow. At some point, he stopped in his tracks.

"What is it?" Logan asked, halting beside him. The rest of the group drifted slowly past them, the gait of their walk unhurried. Everyone was too busy enjoying gossiping.

Except Patton. He had this wild look in his eyes and he began to shuffle off the sidewalk. His lips pressed together tight as if he were holding back a grin.

"Patton, man, don't," Virgil told him, but Patton wasn't looking at him. He stole glances at Roman, making sure that the other was too caught up in conversation with his brother to pay attention to him. He took a few steps to the right into the grass near a house. Then he took off.

Roman, catching on too late, noticed the man run with a strange mixture of dawning horror and exasperated suffering. "Pat– Patton. Pat, please– don't you DARE, GET BACK HERE!" He tossed his bag to Remus halfway through and took off in a dead sprint.

"What is happening?" Logan asked.

"Patton's a lunatic," Virgil sighed. Janus sighed as well and Remus spurred Patton on with whoops.

Patton hightailed it into the backyard of the random house and unceremoniously belly flopped into the pool. Roman jumped in right behind, barely pausing to shuck off his shoes in time, the sneakers flying through the air.

"Does he often trespass?" Logan questioned. "I'm not bothered, just curious."

"Only when there are pools involved. He does it so Roman will save him."

"Why would he need saving?"

"The idiot can't swim."

Out in the pool, Logan can make out some of Roman's nonplussed yelling after he resurfaced with an armful of Patton. Patton, for his part, seemed endlessly pleased with himself.

"My hero!" Patton gushed and began fawning over Roman, much to his chagrin.

Then the homeowner came out and Janus concocted an outlandish story consisting of how Patton fell into the pool totally by accident.

"This is the third time this week," the homeowner accused.

"And to that I say..." Janus paused. He took off his hat, held it to his chest, opened his mouth to elaborate–

And ran the fuck away.

"There he goes," Remus whistles. "How I hate to see it, how I love to watch it."

Roman sat at the pool's edge, arms resting on his knees and absolutely soaked. "You're grounded," he told Patton sitting beside him.

Patton beamed with pride. Virgil tried to hide behind his hands.

"Please just leave," the homeowner requested.

They quickly made themselves scarce.