#wanted to gif people I never have before because you've ALWAYS been my inspiration and aspiration in terms of gifing

[jwooyoung]

free serotonin part 2: ending fairies - for @taeminblr

[darlingbabyboo]

"You're Something Else... "

♡ Synopsis: Megumi had been (sorta) prepared to live with this white weirdo who claimed to be the strongest... what he hadn't been prepared for was his daughter.

♡ Content: Reader is described as a girl and shorter than Megumi and Tsumiki and tiny because I'm tiny, black reader, good dad Gojo, Megumi is deeply repressed

♡ Notes: This is from the vote! Where people said they wanted Megumi x Gojo's Daughter instead of Giyuu x Urokodaki Daughter! Hope you enjoy 😘 Just say smth if I should make a part 2

♡ Inspiration: @ketsuyuki-hibana-typed! Their series Rengoku x Little Sister Figure is so good!

So Megumi was less than excited to live with Gojo (could not be me but this ain't about me so...)

He was only doing this so Tsumiki wouldn't have to suffer under the Zenin's

He was expected more or less of the same thing

Just him and Tsumiki living in a house, being forced to take care of themselves

Yippee

That's why he was so surprised to find you

"And you two, say hi to your other housemate!" The white haired weirdo cheerfully exclaimed

Megumi looked at you with wide eyes, you were hiding behind the tall man's legs and shaking like you were forced to be here

He wouldn't be surprised if you were

"C'mon honey bun, you gotta introduce yourself, you'll be sharing a home with these guys."

He removed you from his leg and squatted so that he was at his level

"Introduce yourself!"

You give a shy wave, curled in on yourself. You say your name through stutters and when you're done, you bury yourself into the weirdo's chest

Gojo smiles at them, stroking your back

"She's a little shy-"

A little, Megumi thinks

"-you two introduce yourself too! Don't be shy!"

"I'm Tsumiki!" His sister happily says besides him, like you're not shivering even if it's spring. "It's really nice to meet you!"

You remove yourself from Gojo a little to give her a small nod before burying yourself in Gojo's chest again

Megumi doesn't say his name, he observes (what he can when you're buried in Gojo's chest). You look nothing like him. He wonders if you've also been kidnapped taken in by Gojo

Does the freak have a habit of taking young children?

You look younger than him, though maybe it's because you're so small. You remind him of a mouse, especially with how much you were stuttering

He certainly hasn't seen someone like you before, maybe it's because of how sheltered he is, but you're different

Your skin is darker then what he's seen before, but the difference makes you even prettier. Your skin makes you glow in the sunlight, like some sort of angel

His stomach twists, even with how little he saw of your appearance, you're beautiful

"Aw are you already smitten with my little girl."

His face burns, "no!" He regrets staring so long when you bury yourself even deeper into the older man's arms, your embarrassment making his worse

Gojo waves off his words, "honey bun, this is Megu-chan, your first suitor!"

"Don't call me Megu-chan." He mutters, not bothering to clear up the other statement when the man is rambling something about your 'love story'. He looks up, sparing another glance at you.

You've removed yourself from Gojo a little, your brown eyes making contact with his blue ones.

Simultaneously, you both hide your faces

It's four people in the house but to be honest, it feels more like two

Usually, Gojo is out settling clan business or off on a mission, it's different than before though, Gojo's not neglectful, always making sure they have double of what they need and bathing them in nice comments

And he usually makes it home by dinner

It's honestly really nice (but never tell Gojo he said that)

The reason you don't count though is that you're really...

Quiet

He doesn't even know if that's the right description of you, you're almost like a ghost

The few times that he has laid his eyes on you, you disappear faster than he can blink

Usually, he would assume it's a him problem, but Tsumiki faces the same issues

"Do you think she hates us?" Tsumiki says one day, fiddling with her fingers.

Somehow, it makes him feel better that Tsumiki has the same struggles.

He shrugs, "I don't know, I thought she was mute, but she introduced herself fine the first time so..."

Tsumiki nods in agreement, she moves from playing with her fingers to playing with her hair, "I hope she doesn't hate us, she seems so nice."

"How would you know?" He mutters, "she doesn't even say anything to us."

Tsumiki frowns, opening her mouth to argues but then closes it in thought, "you have a point..." She reluctantly concedes.

Somehow, the win doesn't make him feel better, stomach twisting at the thought of you not liking them.

Of you not liking him

But one fateful day changes everything

"H-hello." You stutter out, looking at the two of them with wide eyes. Their eyes move from the TV screen to your surprising declaration.

Tsumiki eyes bulge out but she snaps her mouth shut out of fear of scaring you away. Megumi hopes that he doesn't share his sister's surprised look (which makes her look like a fish gasping for breath), forcing himself to remain calm.

He doesn't think he's heard your voice since Gojo introduced you all.

"D-dad won't be coming home today...a-and he said we could order food," You bite your lip, "d-do you guys want pizza?"

Tsumiki nods so quickly that he's scared her nose might start bleeding, "that sounds wonderful!"

When your eyes fall to him, he gives a simple nod. "That sounds really good."

You relax, and Megumi didn't notice how tense you were at the thought of a disagreement.

You poke your fingers through a hole in your shirt. "...C-can one of you order for us?"

Tsumiki shoots up, "I can!" She volunteers, already rushing to grab the landline.

You watch her with relief, and Megumi can already see the cogs in your head turning, you thinking about going back to your room.

He doesn't want you to go

"Do you wanna watch a movie with us?" He blurts out.

You jump at the words, surprise evident on your face. You point to yourself as if to ask Me?

He nods, looking away with embarrassment from how red his face is turning, "yeah, it would be nice to talk to you..."

When you don't respond, he looks to you and god he wishes he hadn't.

You're smiling, a smile that lights you up. Gone is the usual worry on your, eyes soft with joy and crinkled because of how wide your grin is

You're beautiful

"Okay..." You respond, softly, "I-i would like that."

He nods absentmindedly, aware that he's staring but he's under a spell, he doesn't know how to look away.

"Do you guys want garlic knots?" Tsumiki yells from the other room.

"Y-yes please!" You respond back, voice soft even when raised.

You turn back to Megumi and award him with another smile, "I-i need t-to call my dad really quick-- b-but I'll come back to watch the movie with you guys!"

He watches you go, butterflies in his stomach.

He buries his face in his hands.

Oh god

He has a crush

[reareaotaku]

I Can't Have You

Summary: You always admired the acclaimed Stanford Pines, so when you were able to take his class in college, you were quick to take up the offer. If only you knew how this would affect both of your lives. Tw/Cw: Taboo, Dead Dove Content, Professor Ford, Student Reader, Power Dynamics, Dubious Consent, Age-Gap [Reader is in her early 20's], Older Man w/ Younger Woman, NSFW thoughts/Themes, Jealousy, Daddy Issues Inspired by: Only an Experiment

Linktree 4 the People of Palestine

You were thrilled when seeing the name Professor Stanford Pines on your schedule/degree plan. He was wildly acclaimed around the world for his contributions to science. To even be in the same room as someone so brilliant is something you could only dream of.

You were one of the first students in the class, which was good for you, because you were able to get some one on one time with him, before class started.

You walked behind him, going to tap his shoulder, when he turned around and was startled by your presence. He fiddles with his glasses and clears his throat.

"Um.. Hello."

You smile brightly at him, nearly jumping with joy. "Hello, Mr. Pines." You grab his hand, going to shake it, before pointing out that he had six fingers. "Wow- You have six fingers? Really? I didn't think it was real, but wow-"

Ford is alittle taken aback by your bluntness. "Uh, may I ask for your name?"

"I'm so sorry." You straighten up and put your hands together. "I'm Y/n L/n. I've admired you since I was a kid. You're like... the greatest man to exist."

He smiles, chuckling, "Well, I imagine I'll see great things from you, yes?"

"I sure hope so."

---

You tapped your pin against your desk, your knee bouncing as you tried to focus. Your mind kept racing to your professor, Ford... You hadn't expected him to be so... charming and handsome.

You sighed in bliss as you watched the man lecture. He had such a way with words and you were mesmerized by him.

The past few months you've been in his class have been incredible. He was just brilliant, and it showed with his work and words. You had never felt such a connection with someone.

He dismisses the class, but ends up calling you back. You were a little surprised, because he had never called you back before- In fact, no teacher has ever called you back.

"Y/n, you know I must say I'm very impressed with your writing." He tells you as he pulls out some of your papers. "You remind me of myself. So... brilliant. I'm very impressed with your work and wanted to tell you if you ever need help, my door is always open- For you anyway."

You smiled, a little flustered, "Um... Thank you, Mr. Pines-"

"You can call me Ford. When we're alone. No need for formality."

"Of course. Thank you, Ford. I'll definitely take you up on your offer."

"I sure hope you do." He smiles and you have to control the way your body seems to melt. You only hoped he didn't know the power he had over you.

---

You sipped on your drink, sitting in a small cafe while you were surrounded by books. You took a sip of your drink before sighing and leaning on your hand. You were distracted by a voice that called you.

"Uh, Y/n right?"

You were surprised that this guy approached you and knew your name. "Uh, yeah?"

"I'm Rob. We're in the same Philosophy class."

"Oh, yeah. I think I've seen you before."

He takes the seat in front of you, much to your dismay. You were just trying to study, not keep up a social conversation. You sighed, still focusing on your books as he kept talking, trying to keep your attention. Thankfully, a voice breaks out and pulls both of your attention away from each other.

You were surprised to see Ford, but you shouldn't have been, because the cafe was close to the school. You could tell something was off with Ford. You weren't sure what, but something was wrong.

"Um, Mr. Pines! I didn't know you liked Cafe's."

Your professor turns to you, smiling a sickly smile. "Uh, was just... around."

The tension was thick and you wondered if you should break the silence, but Rob finally does.

"Uh, you know, Y/n, I've got to go. I have class in like 30 minutes, but I'll see you around." He waves goodbye and you recuperate to be nice, but you were glad you didn't have to talk to him.

"Boyfriend?" Ford gestures to the leaving man and you quickly shake your head.

"God, no. No, no, no, no, no. Never. I don't even know that guy. He approached me."

"You don't know how good that is to hear."

"Yeah. Besides," You look Ford up and down. "He's not really my type."

---

You stared at your ceiling, frustrated. All your room-mates were asleep, making it impossible for you to talk to any of them about the problems you faced. You looked over at your desk where your final and sighed to yourself. You weren't sure why it was bothering you so much, but maybe it was because you really wanted to impress Ford and have him compliment you.

You frowned, wondering why you needed Ford's approval so bad. Maybe it had to go back to your daddy issues? He did give you the attention and approval you lacked during your adolescent years. But, Ford had always been someone you looked up too, so you would love to have his attention.

In fact, you would love more than his attention- or at least a different kind of attention... Like something more... You sighed, pushing a hand through your hair. You wanted to rid yourself the thoughts that plagued your mind.

The thoughts of being bent over backwards by a man that is over triple your age were driving you crazy. The fact that even for his older age, he seemed to be more active than you, so you were sure you could be bent so many different ways-

You groaned, shaking your head and covering your eyes. God, how could you look at the man knowing your thoughts about him in the dead of the night?

You looked back to your final project, before doing something stupid. You grabbed it and headed out of your apartment, heading towards the school.

---

You sighed as you stood infront of your professor's door. It was almost 2 in the morning and you doubted he was in his office, but the final was weighing heavily on your mind and you couldn't sleep. You raise your hand to knock but stop yourself.

You couldn't do this... You sighed, yet again, leaning your head on the door, only to fall forward when the door opened. Ford thankfully caught you before you could fall flat on your ass.

"Y/n, what are you doing?"

You felt your words get caught in your throat- He was still there, in his office... So late in the night. "Uh... Well-" You looked over at his desk to see a globe like thing with something moving in it. "What's that?"

He turns towards the globe, "Ahh, that." He lets you in and brings you over to the globe. He picks it up and shows it to you. "It's the interdimensional rift."

"What does that mean?"

"It's a controlled portal to other worlds- Or at least, it's in a controlled environment."

"Is it dangerous?"

"Very." He gestures to your project, a Perpetual Motion Machine, "What's that?"

"Uh... It's supposed to demonstrate Perpetual Motion-"

"I see that." He puts down your invention and pushes one of the balls and watches as it falls and bounces back up repeating the cycle. "You know..." He takes a seat and gestures for you to take a seat next to him. "When I was in high school, I made my own Perpetual Motion Machine... It was supposed to get me in my dream school..." He stops and you watch expectingly.

"But?"

He sighs, looking over at you, "My brother broke it and I didn't get in."

"A school rejected you? I don't believe it."

He laughs, a heavy hearty laugh. It was a nice laugh. You liked his laugh. "Oh, Y/n, you are something, you know that?"

"So, I've been told."

"I'm sure you have..." He smiles, scooting closer to you. "You're very special, Y/n." He tells you, his hands now on your knees.

You felt your face go a dark red at the closeness. You could see each of his eyelashes...

"You truly.... appreciate the brilliance of my mind. I know you would never take advantage of the knowledge I offer."

You wanted to respond, but before you could, there was a knock on the door and you pushed yourself away from him. Ford sighs, but gets up and opens the door. It was a student, because of course it was. Who else would it be?

They talk for a few minutes and you sigh to yourself. He closes the door and turns back to you, surprised to see you standing up with your work in your hands.

"What's wrong?"

"You know, it's late. I should get back to bed. You should, too. The sun's almost up, so I should try and get some sleep."

"I- Uh, yes. You should get some sleep. I'll see you later."

"Yeah... You will." You hold your head down as you exit his office, because you knew if you looked at him, you'd be drawn back in and stay.

[hurts2think]

Hi, again, you were the first person I asked for a fanfic from and you'll be the second and then I'll ask about the same character again (I don't know if my first request was sent).

Bridget(specifically the Queen of Hearts) x fem!Reader, where the reader is a bit like Alice Kingleigh(except without being underage, of course) and is located at the time of the croquet game, and the Cheshire Cat starts to making fun of the Queen of Hearts and the reader tries to stop it but ends up making everything worse in a romantic way

🌹The Queen of Hearts x Reader🌹

Reader pronouns: she/her

Pairing: The Queen of Hearts x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2.3k

Plot: Reader takes the role of Alice (as an adult of course) and is stuck in Wonderland. She finds her way off to meet the Queen in hopes for help but she only manages to anger the Queen. Fortunately for her, the Queen is fond of pretty women.

Extra: Hello! I just wanted to say I did receive your last request and it is currently in the works. But this idea just struck me with inspiration! I will get to your other one too :) thank you for the request.

It was dark and overwhelming. You sat on a rock and looked into your hands. How could you ever find your way home now? It felt like you'd been stuck in this place for ages. All alone and bothered by everything you touch. All alone yet nothing would leave you alone. So now you had no choice but to sit.

When you were a child, you parents always told you that if you were lost to stay in one place. Someone would surely find you. But how would anyone even think to look for you here? You weren't a child anymore. No one was looking for you like you were one.

"Is something wrong?"

A cheeky voice from behind you speaks up. You turn around and see a pink and purple cat with an unnatural grin. You've run into him before and you're concluded the only thing he's up to is mischief.

"Of course something's wrong. I've been stuck here for so long and I can't find my way." You let out a heavy sigh, looking back at the ground and sulking.

The cat purred and stretched across the branch he was sat on, "Why obviously. It's because you have no way... The only way here is the Queen's way." He says, the grin never leaving his face.

Your head perks up and you look back at the Cheshire Cat, "The Queen? I haven't met any Queen." You say, raising a brow.

Somehow the cat's grin managed to grow larger, "Oh? You haven't? But you simply must! She'd be just mad about you. She loves girls with pretty faces."

You stand up from the rock and face the cat, "How do I find her?" You ask. The Queen surely would know how to get out of here! She could definitely help you!

The cat stands on his two hind legs, "Well... Some people go that way," he mimicked walking to the right, "and some people go this way," he mimicked walking to the left, "But me, personally, I prefer this way." He says, putting his paw on one of the branches and pulling it.

The tree suddenly revealed a door and it opened. Your eyes widened in surprise. Compared to the dark and scary forest you were in now, through the door were hedges of green mazes and beautiful blue skies, "Oh, thank you Cheshire." You say, rushing in through the door and down the maze.

The maze had many paths and turns, all very sharp and abrupt. But it didn't take you long before you heard something. More like, someones.

"No, Two! You have to paint under the petals too or she'll see we painted them!" A voice yelled from around the corner.

You peak your head around the corner of the hedge and see three gardeners dressed in white and black attire. They were all holding paint brushes that dripped with red paint and painted white roses on the bushes.

You grow curious and slowly approach, "Excuse me. Why are you painting the roses?"

The three gardeners turn to you in sync,

"Oh well, because we accidentally planted the white ones and the Queen only likes the red ones. And with a mistake like this, it could be off with our heads!" One of them that had a '3' sewed into his top said, mimicking his head being chopped off with the red covered paint brush.

"Oh dear..." You say, growing concerned over the statement, "Then perhaps I should help you?" You offer, taking an extra paint brush from one of the paint buckets.

But as you pick up a brush you suddenly hear trumpets. The three gardeners begin to panic, snatching the brush out of your hand and hiding the evidence of the painting ever happening.

Then one of the gardeners grab you by the wrist and pull you to the side, gesturing you to follow and bow down.

You do just that, though confused as to what was happening, you still bowed, tilting you head down.

Numerous guards march their way into the garden, standing aside and making way.

Then one announced,

"Her Royal Highness, her grace, her excellency, The empress of Wonderland, The Queen of Hearts."

The Queen walked through. She was beyond beautiful. She had pin straight hair that was red as blood. Her crown was filled with hundreds of diamonds and her dress was more regal than you've ever seen, even in Auradon. Though she wasn't particularly tall, her presence towered over anyone around.

Even her stone cold expression made your chest feel heavy.

"Your majesty," All of the bowed guards and the gardeners said in unison as she walked through.

None of them dared to look at her but you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off of her, even with your head bowed down.

The Queen looked down on everyone around, walking ahead of the guards. Every step she took demanded respect and showed her royal status.

But she suddenly stopped by the rose bush. She silently touched the tip of her index finger to the painted rose, leaving a spot of paint on her finger.

"Who has been painting my roses?" She asks, her voice having the weight of a hundred daggers in your back.

The three gardners stood up, clearly petrified by the question, "Y.. you're majesty, I must say, it was two's idea!" The man labeled as '3' suddenly accused.

"Me? Of course it wasn't! It was Ace!" Two accused the man with an 'A' labeled on his top.

"Silence!" The Queen demanded, her eyes darkening as she approached the four of you. You stayed down, your heart beating faster in fear.

"Please, your majesty, we're very sorry, it will never happen again." Three pleads, dropping to his knees.

"I assigned you such a simple job and you could not even do it correctly? You make a mockery of me. Do you know what I am to do about that?" She asks, her British accent regal and quite attractive. The question was rhetorical. The three men clearly knew what happened next.

But before the Queen was about to scentence them to anything severe, her eyes laid on you, "And who might she be?"

"Oh, uhm—"

"Hush." Despite asking you a question, she immediately shushed you. With one wave of her hand she dismissed the gardners, her focus entirely on you now. She used her index finger, placing it under your chin and tilting you head up to get a good look at you. "You're not from here, and yet you're on royal grounds. Is there a reason for such things?"

You gulp, feeling like you were about to start sweating. You didn't know what it was you were feeling but it was making you feel hot. You twiddled your thumbs and felt you were about to sink into the ground below you, "Well, you see, I'm—"

"Do speak up when you address me." The Queen demanded. "Keep your head up and speak nicely. And don't twiddle your thumbs." She looked you up and down as if judging your appearance. "Point your toes out and curtsey before speaking again."

You do exactly as your told with now hesitation, pointing out the toes of your mary janes, lifting your blue skirt slightly and curtseying.

"Good girl." She said though it sounded more like she was mocking you, "And always say 'Yes, your Majesty.' That is how you shall address me."

"Yes, your majesty." You repeat.

The Queen places a hand on your shoulder. It was light but you felt like her hand would claw off your arm at any moment. She began to walk at a slow pace, urging you to follow her

"Now tell me, where are you from and where are you going?" The Queen questioned.

"Well, your majesty, I'm trying to find my way—"

You then get cut off again by a small laugh from the Queen. Not a real laugh. The kind of laugh that was more of an amused sound that came from her without even opening her mouth. As if what you said offended her.

You tried to think of the right words to not offend her but it was like anything that came out of your mouth had the potential of angering her, "I was just thinking—"

The Queen's eyes rolled in annoyance, "I don't care what you're thinking. With a face like that you're possibly just better off not thinking and just sitting still and looking pretty."

Her constant interruptions should irritate you beyond belief, but her words made your face feel hot and your chest tight, "Yes, your majesty. I just wanted to ask—"

And yet again, you were interrupted with just a wave of her hand to silence you, "I'll be asking the questions, hm?" She declared, stopping in her tracks and looking you up in down again, "Do you play croquet?"

The question caught you off guard. But it made you smile. Finally! A word you could make sense of! "Yes, your majesty. I do play."

"Wonderful." She said, the word dripping off her tongue like poison and a smile laced with venom.

With one demand from the Queen, all of her royal guards set up a game of croquet. It was finally something you could recognize. Something that made sense to you.

The Queen, naturally took her turn first. She picked up the red mallet, a guard placing the matching ball in front of her.

With one light hit, the ball shot through, giving her a perfect score.

She smiled cockily, pleased by her own accomplishment as the guards cheered for her.

"Your turn, dear." She said, walking to where you were standing aside.

You give a small nod and pick up the blue mallet. But, to your surprise, once you were about to hit the ball, your mallet turned into a blue flamingo. Your swing of the mallet was thrown off by the flamingo suddenly flapping it's wings, pulling you in every direction. You yelped at the suddenty of it.

"Stop—! You stupid—" you yell in frustration but couldn't seem to get the flamingo to cooperate. You were then suddenly knocked off your feet and landed on the grass.

The Queen watched in amusement, tapping her fingers against her own mallet. It was as if she found your frustration and misfortune entertaining.

"Well, that was a bit of a sorry turn, wasn't it?" She let out another sound of amusement, taking place on the playing field again.

You wished you could demand how it was unfair but you didn't. You watched as she was about to hit her ball again until the Cheshire Cat suddenly appeared behind her with a grin.

"How are you getting on?" The cat asked.

"Not at all." You huffed, crossing your arms, very frustrated with this whole ordeal.

"Hmm? What?" The Cheshire asked for you to repeat, as if he didn't hear you.

"I said, not at all!" You yelled, having enough of his mischief.

The Queen suddenly spun on her heel to face you, the cat disappearing again, "Who are you talking to?" She demanded.

The cat appeared behind her yet again with a grin,

"The cat, your majesty!" You say, pointing to the Cheshire behind her.

She turned her head to see no cat. She glared back at you, "What cat?" She seemed to be growing angrier.

The Cheshire appeared behind her again, "There!" You pointed again. And yet when she looked he was gone again.

The Queen was furious, assuming you were trying to play some sort of joke, "I'll have you know, I do not tolerate jokes." She marched toward you, grabbing you by the collar of your blue dress.

You wanted to defend yourself but only fell silent and nodded your head.

She turned back to her ball and there was the cat again. Only this time on her shoulder, still somehow unknown to her.

"Ya know, we could make her really mad?" The cat suggested with a grin. He stuck his paw out as if to grab her her crown or her hair or something, you weren't sure.

In a desprate attempt, to stop him from angering her more, you launch to try and grab him, only for him to disappear. And to your horror, you stumble into the Queen of Hearts. You and her both get knocked off your feet.

You fall on top of her, making your face heat up and your face go red. How could you not be flustered? Really, you should be scared. But being so close to such a beautiful woman like her made you feel all hot and bothered.

"Oh dear, I am so sorry, your majesty!" You quickly get off of her, "Please forgive me, I didn't mean to!" You quickly apologize, reaching out to help her up.

"Don't touch me." She demanded, standing up on her own and fixing her dress. She was not happy now.

"Please, forgive me. I was only trying to stop the cat." You plead.

The Queen takes a step closer to you, invading your personal space. You were horrified of what she would do next.

She put a hand on your shoulder and straightened the sleeve of your dress, looking down on you.

"You're lucky that I'd be too ashamed to cut off such a lovely head such as your own."

Your eyes were wide and you felt like you might explode. You definitely did not like the idea of your head being cut off. But it seemed that wasn't what she had in mind for you.

Even the guards seemed shocked she didn't immediately scentence you to be beheaded.

"I may have some use for you." She said, humming in thought for a moment, "Follow me." She demanded, walking back towards the castle and the guards immediately setting back to formation and guiding the two of you to the castle.

You had no idea what she had in store for you but you could only hope it was nothing as bad as your head being removed from your shoulders. Though it seemed that somehow she managed to take a liking to you. You just had to hope it stayed that wa

[farfromstrange]

Daddy Issues | Matt Murdock x Reader

Masterlist

Inspired by this song.

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: There are some scars from our childhoods that just won't heal, like daddy issues will somehow always affect our relationships, especially with men. It's the trauma that makes us afraid. Matt Murdock is a considerate boyfriend and he hardly ever raises his voice, so when he lets his anger out on you, he triggers something in you that you have never told him about.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of child abuse, daddy issues (not the sexy kind), childhood trauma, yelling, crying, small injury (reader cuts her finger), not proofread

A/n: This is entirely self-indulgent. I won't tell you why exactly, but let's just say today was not a good day and I needed to write this to feel better. It helped, for the most part. If you have/had a father who yells a lot and likes to blame you for everything, this is for you. But also basically everyone who's afraid of men yelling at you because you've been traumatized before. This has not been proofread or beta-d. It’s just a silly little comfort fic.

Tags: (people who answered the original idea and I think would enjoy this or asked to be tagged)

@igotanidea @lina-mar @redzie02 @hellskitchens-whore

[not my gif, credits to the owner mentioned under the gif]

In the heat of the moment, some people raise their voices. May it be a fight or a moment of excitement. When we get angry, we often resort to a louder volume and sometimes even verbal abuse. We say things we don’t mean. We wouldn’t be human if that didn’t happen sometimes, although most fights can be resolved by talking civilly. There is no point in screaming when talking like adults is a viable option that won’t hurt anyone. But it hardly ever happens, not when both parties are already worked up to the point of no return.

For you, there has not been a fight or discussion in your life that hasn’t resulted in a screaming match. Your parents often yelled at each other. You grew up like this, the voices of your fighting parents constantly in the back of your head until the day they divorced. And even after that, you figure you started hallucinating their fights whenever the world went quiet around you so you would have some noise in the back of your head.

Your father was the one who screamed the most. He yelled and scolded you whenever you didn’t act according to his standards or made even the smallest of mistakes, didn’t do something or just used the wrong tone with him, something that often didn’t sit right with him.

He always resorted to screaming. The context never really mattered, he just got louder, harsher and he used words that would confuse every kid and make their tiny brains overflow with the guilt they caused. And when you cried, he only waved it off because “there is no reason to cry, I’m just stating the facts”.

It traumatized you in a way many children who grew up in such families understand, and he made you believe that every man in your life has a reason to yell at you, to use you, to abuse you and constantly ask you for things even though you can’t possibly match up to all of their expectations.

You always expect to be yelled at by the men in your life. Even the smallest hint of the disappointment in someone’s voice makes you anxious and more often than not, you start to cry. It’s your defense mechanism. You’re fragile and you get scared easily. A switch gets flicked and you’re suddenly standing in the same house you grew up in, letting your father rain hell down on you because you were too scared to fight back.

The constant screaming made you scared of men, and it made you more careful with what you say or do around others. You tread carefully. You try to please and not to screw up too much, too scared of the consequences and possible negative reactions. In school, you used to do the same, always wanting to please the teachers and when they raised their voices, you often excused yourself and were left shaking and crying in the bathroom. 

Matt Murdock has always been a man with a heavy internal conflict, and that conflict resulted in anger issues and his ever-present catholic guilt. When you met him, he came across as attractive yet dominant, and that scared you a little until you talked for the first time in the middle of a cozy coffee shop and he showed how soft of a man he actually is. He keeps himself locked away and that might make him seem unapproachable, but he isn’t. He’s the kindest man you have ever met, and his heart is set right. Out of all the lovers you’ve had, he is truly the best and most considerate when it comes to your relationship.

He treats you like you’re the universe to him and when you fight, it’s more often bickering than it is an exchange of vulgarities and screams. He takes his anger out on punching bags, not you, and when he hurts someone, it’s often criminals who deserve his wrath. His life is complicated, but it’s easier with you in it. He feels alive, he’s told you, and he wouldn’t trade that for the world, so he always makes sure you’re taken care of and happy before he looks after himself.

There is, of course, the issue with his enhanced senses. He’s blind but his senses are enhanced to an extent that most blind people don’t have. You found out about that early on in your relationship, but there’s never been a doubt in your mind about the love you feel for him, so it was no hard choice to stay.

Though dating the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen comes with its collection of issues. More often than not you have to stitch him up or search him in dark alleys and trash cans because he keeps getting in trouble, and the worry often eats you alive. Still, you comfort him when he’s had a bad day, always, and you make him the spotlight of your life every time. In your mind, taking care of him comes first.

But Matt always gives back. It’s his Catholicism, you’re sure of that. He can’t take help. He has to be the one doing the work and moving mountains. He is God’s disciple and he feels responsible for his city and the people living in it. His blindness feels like a gift given to him by God to conquer all possible battles, and while you don’t really believe in God, you have accepted that part of him with open arms and more often than not join him in his faith because life with him is surely not the easiest.

When Matt Murdock feels overwhelmed, he tries not to show it. He’d rather lock himself away than burden you. He’d rather struggle on his own than put the people he loves in danger or hurt them with his personal struggles and the pain that consumes him.

Matt is patient and he doesn’t care if you screw up, even though you apologize profusely most of the time. He’s patient because we’re all human. We all screw up. That is the principle that he lives by and he makes you feel like you can be more of yourself around him. So after a year, there are no more reservations and you feel a lot more comfortable in your skin.

Until this day, he had never let his anger out on you, and he had never opened his mouth to yell at you in any way. Until that day.

He’s different when he comes home. He finds himself at his wit's end, and he has been ever since that godforsaken murder trial started. When he comes home, you don’t think much of his distance toward you, the denial of a proper kiss, and his grunts as he lowers himself on the couch instead of asking you about your day. You don’t think much until it all goes wrong, and you’re not even sure at what point it does or what you did to deserve this, but there has to be a reason because the man you’re seeing right now is not the Matt you usually get to see.

We all have bad days sometimes, others more often, but this seems deeper than just a bad day at the courthouse. This is not the face of an exhausted man after a long work day that just needs some kisses and maybe a blowjob, or to have sex with his girlfriend in all his dominant glory with aftercare to put the cherry on top. This is not Matt Murdock, this is the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen that comes through the front door, tosses his cane into a corner, and then just falls on the couch like a wet sack of potatoes, his fists clenched as if he is ready to explode any second.

You’ve been taught to tread carefully, so you do. You approach him only slowly because you are worried, you always are. Perhaps it’s the line of questioning that has him exploding in no time.

“You okay?” you ask.

He props his feet up on the living room table and huffs. “Fine,” he says.

“You don’t look fine. Did something happen?”

You’ve brought him a glass of water, which he takes with a curt nod. Something is bothering him, but he won’t talk to you.

“Bad day at work?”

“It doesn’t matter now. I’m fine. I just want to forget that today ever happened.”

“You want some coffee?” you decide to ask instead.

“No,” he says.

His leg starts to bounce. It only does when he is agitated or overstimulated and is trying to deal with the world around him. 

“Do you want me to run you a bath?”

He sighs. “No.”

“We still have leftovers, maybe I could warm them up.”

His tone is harsher this time, “No!”

You blink, a little taken aback by the force in his voice and involuntarily, you start to shake.

“I just want to be alone,” he adds, softer this time. “Can you… you know what, I’m just gonna get changed.”

And like that, he is gone. He disappears into the bedroom and you’re left flabbergasted. You want to ask what’s wrong, but you’re scared. You’ve never been scared of him before. It’s not him, it’s his reaction, and so you retreat into the kitchen. 

Eventually, he comes out again, though he is still missing a shirt. “Have you seen my Columbia sweater?” he asks, the lights of the billboard reflecting off his marble skin. 

“It’s in the washer,” you tell him.

“Why?”

“Because it’s dirty. Matt, what is going on?” You place your mug down and look at him, eyes soft and full of concern.

He only rolls his. “I just want my sweater.” Grabbing the used shirt from the chair at the dinner table, he slips it on. It’s not the fabric he wanted and he tenses up, hating the new sensation already.

“Are you sure this is about your sweater? You’ve been on me ever since you got in.”

“Yes, because you keep asking useless questions.”

“Useless?” You scoff. “So my interest and worry for you are useless?” 

If there is one thing you have gotten good at it has to be defending yourself.

He brushes past you to get a beer from the fridge. “I told you, I’m fine.” He is good at brushing you off because he doesn’t like to admit when he feels weaker than usual.

“You don’t look fine.”

“Oh, my God, then stop fucking looking!”

“Okay, what the hell is your problem?”

He scoffs. “You don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get?”

“Everything.”

“Enlighten me then.”

“It’s not…” his chuckle is bitter. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. You’re gonna keep seeing problems where there are none, so talking to you makes no sense anyway.”

What did he just say? You are so confused and suddenly very angry that you forget you are holding a glass. You smash it down on the counter, and, as expected, it shatters into a million pieces. Most of them fall to the floor and right at his bare feet. His eyes darken.

Oh.

Now you are scared, and not in a way that resembles sexy foreplay. You are scared because he is turning into a stranger right before your eyes. Suddenly, all you can see is not your loving boyfriend Matt Murdock, you see the anger of both your father and your stepfather in his eyes and hear it in his voice and it instantly tells you, 'this is all your fault'.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble. “I didn’t see…”

“One night,” he says. He moves out of the kitchen, trying not to step into the glass.

You follow him with wide eyes. “What’s that?” 

“One night,” he repeats his earlier statement. “That’s all I wanted. One fucking night where people don’t prod or- or want things from me. And what do you do? You keep talking and talking, and you don’t even care that I simply don’t want to talk.”

“Matt, that is not fair. I just wanted to-“ the tears start to prick in your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Jesus Christ.” And that’s where your strength stops and you retreat into your shell – the next words out of his mouth come so loud, you could have sworn they echoed off the brick walls and shot straight into your eardrums. “For once in your life, stop fucking apologizing!” 

His hand lifts, mostly to underline his words, and with the bottle in his hand he is suddenly so close, your eyes squeeze shut at the gush of wind. You flinch, your entire body caving in on itself. It’s not even intentional, you can’t help it. You’ve been conditioned to expect the worst when someone raises their hand, and Matt has never done it before. 

He realizes what it looks like the second your heart jumps and your blood rushes loudly in his ear. He can smell your sweat, the tears, and the fear that surrounds you. It’s your pheromones that change and something lingers in the air that makes him stop and think, what did I just do? 

He has been so in his head and the city has been loud for hours, he lost most of his patience at the courthouse, and then you’re there all caring and lovely and he can’t help but tell himself he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you. He just wants quiet and to be alone while at the same time, all he wants is you, but it’s too much. It’s all too much.

And now, as you flinch away from him and his booming voice, he snaps back to reality and realizes he made a mistake. He’s never experienced you like this before, and it scares him. 

“Did you just…” he begins, his voice soft and barely above a whisper.

He hears you fall to your knees, the taste of salt thick in the air and your breath shakes with every intake. You bite your lip and you collect the shards, trying to clean up your mess as if he would hate you if you didn’t. You whisper a silent, “Sorry.” And then he hears it. You’re sobbing, you try not to but you are, and it is his fault.

“Did you think I was gonna hit you?” he asks, dreading the answer.

You sniffle, not answering.

You flinched, he heard it, and not because you were surprised. You are scared, he knows. 

He slowly approaches the kitchen. “Sweetheart, talk to me.”

“I just gotta clean this up,” you whimper and you brush the glass together with shaky hands. The tears are running down your cheeks in thick streams and your teeth have gnawed your bottom lip bloody, your throat dry with the denied sobs.

“I just gotta clean this up and then I can make you dinner or something. I don’t… I can fix this. I’ll fix this. I’m sorry.”

It’s your fault, you tell yourself. You pushed him. You deserve this. He worked hard the entire day and you annoyed him. He has every right to do this. In your head, at least. It makes all sense in your head while in reality, Matt has never been more shocked to read your body language than he is now.

He slowly kneels in front of you. “Answer me this,” he says, “did you flinch because you thought I was gonna hit you or because I yelled?”

You shrug, unable to look at him. One of the shards slides across your finger and you hiss, the smallest cut forming and causing blood to pool out of your skin. Still, you don’t stop. You need to clean this up before he gets even angrier at you. In your state, you don’t realize his voice has softened and he no longer stares at you with those blacked-out eyes. He looks sympathetic, almost, but most of all the guilt has spread throughout his features and his heart. He is aching to touch you, but you are scared and shaking and he doesn’t want to hurt you any further than he already has.

He had been so ignorant that he didn’t see the signs before.

“Why are you crying?” he asks again.

You wipe your cheeks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you. It’s my fault,” you say. “I’ll clean this up, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“Hey.”

“No, I gotta-”

“Stop.” His hand is on your arm then. “You cut yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” it’s a mantra you’ve taught yourself to say in the hopes you could somehow fix this before it’s too late.

But it’s not too late. When you finally look up, he’s smiling softly, and his thumb is stroking over your skin in circles. 

“I’m sorry,” it’s his turn to say it. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. None of this is your fault. I was so caught up in my own shit, I… God, I would never hit you. I just- I didn’t think when I raised my hand. I didn’t think what it might look like to you. And I didn’t think when I yelled because I… in my head, I wasn’t thinking.”

Your facade cracks even more to the point you are seethrough and your defenses have fallen completely. You’re a snotty mess, shaking violently in his grasp. 

“I’m trying, I swear I’m trying to be better. Just don’t be angry with me,” your voice is bordering on helpless little sobs, your lips turned downward and God, you are shaking so badly, you haven’t done so since the last fight with your father when you were a teenager. 

Matt’s face softens even more, but there is a pain in there too. He takes a paper towel to wrap around your injured finger and he holds your hand, not sure if he is allowed to touch anywhere else, but he wants you to know he is here and he is going nowhere. He is neither mad nor is he going to break up with you. You try to tell yourself that, but it’s hard with the demon in your head whispering all those awful things into your ear, reminding you that everything bad that happens can only be your fault and that there is no use for you but to destroy and disappoint. But you don’t want to disappoint, you want him to be proud of you. You want him to hold you and tell you everything is alright. But you’re scared and you feel so stupidly guilty for something you can’t even put a finger on. Your bleeding finger.

“Angry with you?” he says. “No.” Matt chuckles, but it’s broken and almost whiny as he does so. “I’m not angry at you, bug. Of course not. I was just angry with the world. I was angry at everything else, but not you. I’m not angry at you. I couldn’t possibly be. I’m sorry, it wasn’t fair of me to take it out on you. I realize that now. And the glass…” he forces you away from the chaos gently, helping you stand up without hurting yourself further. “It’s just glass,” he tells you. “I’ll clean it up. There’s nothing bad about breaking something.”

“But the mess,” you say. 

“Fuck the mess. The whole apartment’s a mess.”

“I’m so sorry! I can clean it. I can clean up, I promise. I just… I’m so sorry, Matt.”

“Stop apologizing, baby, please. The mess doesn’t matter. The apartment doesn’t matter, and the glass does not fucking matter. None of this is your fault. You didn’t do anything but try to help. I had no right to yell at you. And my hand… I would never hit you. Never.” He squeezes your hand. “I love you.”

You hiccup, whimpering when he pulls you away from the glass on the floor and pulls you into his arms. His chin rests on the crown of your head and you mold into him, the tears taking on new speed and wetting through his shirt. He strokes your back, not sure what else to do, and his lips find your temple. “God, I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that, none of that.”

You cling tighter to him. 

He keeps asking himself the same question over and over again. “Who hurt you?” he asks. It’s a valid question. A fear like that doesn’t just stem from nothing. Something happened in the past to have traumatized you this badly. 

Your breathing eventually slows down, as do your tears, and you look up at him through swollen eyes. His white shirt is wet now, but he doesn’t care, he only hugs you back to his chest. “My father used to yell at me whenever I did something wrong,” you tell him, your voice muffled through his chest, but he understands every word. 

His grip tightens. “Did he hit you?”

“Sometimes, but… I remember that one time I forgot to clean up after myself and he just… he…” The lack of oxygen makes you shudder and you hiccup again, nails digging into his back. “I’m sorry, he just… yelled at me. Sometimes, he’d slap me, but only sometimes. He’d threaten most of the time, but he didn’t do it often. And I mean, I was a hard kid to raise, I-“

“No, don’t blame yourself,” he is quick to cut you off. “You were a kid.”

You shudder again. “Well, I… you know, he blamed me for the smallest of things, so I got used to apologizing and trying to please everyone, but I can’t always do that. I try to fix things, but it doesn’t always work. He used to yell at me every damn time and I just… I get scared. I don’t like it when people raise their voices. It makes me feel so guilty and now I even broke a glass. That’s my fault. I shouldn’t have… you had a bad day, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry like this. I swear I’m not a baby.”

You move away to rub your eyes. He grabs your face, smoothing the pads of his thumbs over your wet cheeks. The heat has pooled under the skin in an upset blush. 

“Don’t apologize,” he says. “It’s okay to cry. If I’d known, baby, I…” Matt can only shake his head in disbelief.

He loves you more than anything and to see you hurting because of something another man did to you, a man who is supposed to protect you, makes him feel all kinds of things, but none of them positive. 

But his anger doesn’t matter. This is about you. He has to take care of you now, not himself, and definitely not your father. It’s just you on his mind.

You choke on nothing. “He told me I have no reason to cry because he’s just stating facts.”

Matt clicks his tongue. “No, don’t ever think that again. You have every right to cry when you feel the need to.”

“It makes me weak,” you say.

“Your father’s wrong. You’re the strongest person I know,” he says. “And the fact that he yelled at you and blamed you for things that were out of your control… no one has the right to treat you like that, not even your parents, and he should have never even thought about raising his hand against you. That’s abuse. I can’t believe- fuck! Do you understand that it wasn’t your fault? That he had no right to do that?”

“Yes, but… it happened. Maybe I deserved some of those slaps. I mean you… I- I don’t know. It happened, we can’t change it. And who knows, maybe he was right.”

“Stop it! That’s not true and you know it.”

“I know, but-“

“No buts, sweetheart. I would never raise my hand against you, I promise. I’m not like your father. No one should be like him. You deserve so much better.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” you sniffle, “it was just instinct.”

“Shh,” Matt kisses you gently, “I know. It’s like me dodging punches in a fight. It’s a defense mechanism. Your father, I… you’ve never said anything. I would’ve never suspected this.”

“‘Cause I didn’t think it was important. This never happened before. You never yelled before.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. You should have told me,” he says. “It’s important to me. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I want you to feel comfortable around me, not scared.”

You nod. “And I am, really, it’s just… I thought I did something wrong.”

His smile is soft when he leans in to kiss you again, tasting the tears on your lips. “You didn’t. I let my anger out on you for no reason. You didn’t deserve that. It won’t happen again, I promise,” and he dives right back in. 

You wrap your arms around his neck, relaxing in his arms as his lips move against yours with sweet precision, making you feel lightheaded. He scared you, that much is true, but it was neither you nor his fault and you realize that now, safe in his arms as he proves his devotion to you with a single breath into your mouth. With his gentle touch around your waist he promises never to hurt you, never to let his anger out on you again, and he promises that he will drive himself to hell personally if he ever scares you like that again because he couldn’t forgive himself if anything happened to you because of him. He couldn’t live with himself if he broke your heart or triggered the trauma you brought into the relationship from your broken childhood, and he promises that he will never leave you, never put you second and always hold you when times get hard because people screw up, bad things happen, and you might be at fault sometimes, but so is he and there is no reason to be put down for being human. He wants to teach you that, he wants to help you heal yourself, and you have never felt more in love than at that moment, losing yourself in his lips, eyes and arms.

He breaks the kiss, moving on to your forehead. “If there is anything else I need to know,” he breathes hotly against your already heated skin, and the exhaustion slowly starts to seep into your bones as the shakes and tension subside from your bones, “please tell me before I make another mistake that might trigger you.”

You take in a deep breath, shaking your head. “There is not much else. My childhood wasn’t the best, but that’s okay,” you say. 

He brushes his knuckles over your cheekbone. “Bad enough. Promise you’ll tell me if something else might come up?” He resembles a puppy as he tries to meet your eyes, but he fails miserably.

So you promise him, “Okay.”

“Can you forgive me for yelling?”

Your tears have finally come to a halt. “Yes,” you say. 

“Thank you.”

Your eyes fall on the mess on the kitchen floor again and you go to grab the broom. Matt’s arm around your frame stop you and he gently pushes you out of the kitchen. “Let me clean it up,” he says. “Put a bandaid on your finger and then go lie down. I’ll deal with it.”

“No, I broke it. Please, Matt, let me do this.”

“Not everything is your fault, sweetheart. Besides, you already cut yourself once and with how you’re shaking, the next time you accidentally cut yourself I’m sure you’re gonna cause more damage.”

“But I-”

“Go to bed,” he insists, “I’ll be there in a second and then we’ll cuddle so you know I’m serious when I say that I love you more than life itself.”

The weight and guilt fall off your heart. “I love you,” you tell him. “More than life itself, too.”

It’s not a lie. If there is anything or anyone you love, it’s him, and you’ve never been this in love with anyone before. It’s sickening to the point it hurts, but the pain is sweet and it’s all worth it because with Matt, you can be yourself. 

The past matters just a little less with someone who loves you right by your side, and he would never give up on you like everyone else did before him. 

[superums]

42 songs — 42! miles morales x reader

spidey!reader. angst, no happy ending. for general audiences. (cannon) character death. reader is a but of a loser here. some fluff. reader has a (loving) mom. gender neautral reader. no pronouns. no y/n. childhood friends to crushes to enemies. jeff is a father figure to the reader

color coded text: miles. you/spidey. your mom. jeff.

inspired by: 24 songs by playboi carti

pre-spidey headcannons

crime is off the charts in this universe, every other day there's a riot, a robbery, accidental killings, purposeful killings, people on the news begging for help, bombings, and general terrorist attacks caused by mutated mad scientists and victims of freak accidents

in the daytime, you can sort of ignore the turmoil the city is in since everyone feels safer when the sun is out. At night time there's a curfew for teenagers and even some young adults because of all the crime that happens.

you feel uneasy a lot of the time because of the political climate but the crush you have on your mom's best friend's son, miles morales, makes you forget about it even if it's just a bit.

you've had a crush on him ever since you could remember; you couldn't even remember when it started.

for the longest time you wanted to confess to him but every time you tried to he would always get distracted by the pretty girls at school.

your hands were sweating as you held onto your backpack strap with two tickets for the museum. you found miles alone in a classroom putting things in his backpack.

"hey, miles." you saw him turn in your direction before smiling a bit. getting closer to where you stood a few feet in front of him you felt a little shiver go up your spine as you saw miles' big brown eyes look directly into yours.

"yeah?" his accent made your heart race a little. looking down at your shoes you began to ask. "y-yeah i was wondering if..." the sound of ruffling pom poms in the door cut you off.

"hey miles are you still coming?" michelle jones stood at the door waving at the boy with her two friends behind her. "uh... yeah im comin, my fault." miles continued getting his things together before walking past you. "can this wait? i gotta get ready for practice?" he said as he walked past you to join the three cheerleaders.

your embarrassment never left you as you watched him leave you in the dust. "yeah... my fault." you muttered to yourself as he left the class room to join the cheerleaders.

you ended up going to the museum by yourself (not wanting to waste any money), little did you know you were going to get bit by a radioactive spider at the vending machine

post spidey & cannon event headcanons

being spidey is not easy in universe 42. the crime was bad before but now it the gotten worse. during your second week of being spidey you had to fight villains that other spidermen would shiver at the green goblin, the sandman, and many more.

after 4 months you've been beaten down, almost died a few times, even almost got your secret identity exposed at least twice but you always get back up because you love your city and everything who lives in it—it's just too bad your new york doesn't feel the same about you.

The people of your new york really like jonah jameson and respect his opinion so when he talked bad about you the public opinion of spidey quickly soured.

you work with the police aka hang criminals upside down with your webs and leave a little note as you swing away when you hear the sirens coming towards you.

you struggle to balance your school life with your spidey life so you end up isolating yourself like all the spidey’s before you have. so now you only interact with miles in passing. when you do have the time to actually talk to him your spidey senses pull you in another direction

your parents worry about you a lot, at first they thought you were fine because your grades were good and you had a few friends but now you sometimes walk with a limp and sometimes your friends (miles specifically) come by to check up on you it's just too bad you're never there

every blunder you made as spidey would always met with a loud rant from jonah jameson. like when you got knocked out by rhino slamming his head into yours multiple times or when you accidentally let the green goblin blow up an entire block because you were getting pestered by protesters who were trying to rip your mask off

speaking of blunders your mom calls you sometimes when you're fighting crime because she's scared about if you're safe and you always try to calm her down but it never works because there's always screaming and explosions going on in the back

most of the time you end you hanging up abruptly because you have to stop the villain or else more people get hurt but you always make sure to face time her when you get away from the chaos so she doesn't get too scared about you

almost a year after becoming spidey you were invited to jeff’s promotional party and your mom stressed that you be there. You haven’t been able to make it to outings recently—canceling at the last minute, not showing up without a warning or leaving early without a trace, it was starting to feel like you were only someone she could talk to on the phone and never in person.

and throw in the fact that the morales family have been friends with your family for years, almost like a second home and none of them have seen you not even miles— it was starting to worry everyone.

when the morales family invited yours to jeffs promotion party your mother practically begged you to come

when you got to the party you and your mom had an argument about your latest disappearances. she brought up how your school was calling her about missing school ans how you were flaking out on her and while you tried to argue that you had more than just her to worry about, your argument immediately fell flat when she asked you ‘like what?’

after congratulating jeff on his promotion you left to sit under the water tower and watch the streets of new york. you knew you couldn't keep lying to your mom forever, she was worried about you and you just wanted to keep her safe. looking out to the city you didn't notice the foot steps coming from behind you.

“you aint gon say hi to me?” a familiar voice said from the right of you. turning your head you saw miles leaning on one of the metal rods that held the tower up. “you were busy with everyone else. i thought you’d be too busy to talk to me.”

“you coulda still came to say hey or sum’ you're like a ghost now.” miles looked down at you causing you to shake your head before looking ahead. “tuh… anyway, i heard you made the basketball team.” you changed the subject as you turned your head around, not being able to see the bashful look on his face. “”yeah it was easy.” “i bet. you're like good at everything.”

the boy looked at his feet trying not to smile when he heard your praise. “also! i noticed your new hairstyle. it's really good on you….” you messed with your fingers a little before turning back to him. “yeah?” the boy would be blushing if his melanin allowed it.

you stayed at the tower for most of the gathering. your mom even coming to get you so you could watch jeff blow out his candles. after that though you had to leave the sounds of police sirens started to go off as the sun began to set, you had to go back to your job.

cannon event & 'cannon event'

as you work to keep the city safe there's always something you can't stop and that is death. unfortunately, you can't save everyone even if you try to. believe me you tried everything but nothing could stop him slipping through your fingers

it was a cold winter when it happened, everyone getting ready for winter break the christmas lights were beginning to be put on display it was almost perfect until norman osborne broke out of jail

if was like he wouldn't go down. it didn't natter what you did—final blow after final blow the man would get back up and destroy even more buildings.

you tried your best to keep everyone safe, multitasking between saving people and knocking down the green goblin. your bones were screaming as you swung across the city, webbing buildings together, destroying rubble before it could hit the civilians below, you did all you know.

but that wasn't enough.

your web couldn't stop the tip of the daily bugle antenna from hitting him. you almost moved in slow motion; jumping off of green goblins glider to chase after the rod.

the man you've seen all your life stood still, paralyzed with fear. your webbing got sloppy after hours of fighting, your left web missed, the other right one ran out of fluid—you couldn't stop the antenna from hitting jeff.

the green goblin laughed maniacally as he flew off into the snowy sky, leaving you shivering holding the man you saw as a father figure.

"spidey...." his voice was weak, the tip of the bar was lodged into his heart, he wasn't going to make it. "i'm sorry..." your voice was weak as you held onto him, you heard his slowing heartbeat above the chaotic city.

"im sorry... i'm sorry" you sung apologies to him as you saw the life draining from his body. "spidey... i was growing to like you." jeff started, looking directly into your mask where your eyes would be. "i know i don't got much time..." he heaved once. twice. thee times.

"but please, don't lose yourself cus a' me." his blinking started to slow down. holding him tighter your couldn't handle this. "please, please stay with me. the paramedics are almost here!" your begged the man who just gave you a sad smile. "remember.... with great power comes great responsibility."

the man stopped breathing in your arms. you almost screamed into the sky if it wasn't for the sirens getting closer. "freeze spidey!" you heard them cock their guns, they were going to shoot you. "w-wait you dont understand!" you tried to explain through tears but you knew you had to go.

a gun-shot from your right made you leave before you could get a word out, a few of them hit you but not enough to be anything fatal

you ran to your house and practically tire your shit off of you. you cried for days, and didn't go to school for at-least three. your mom didn't know why you were so upset but didn't budge, seeing g how depressed you were

spidey didn't show up for a while. almost disappearing entirely besides a few sightings. though the press around the hero in the mask got worse

“Spidey? More like spider menace! look around you New York—that fraudulent freak trying to call themselves a hero is a danger to our livelihoods!” a booming voice echoed through the snowy streets of new york. “The green goblin, the lizard all of them—this is all their fault!” “spidey has brought nothing but uncertainty and harm to this city!”

news reporters seemed to go on and on about you on every channel, every jumbotron, and street corner—spidey was the topic of discussion. they're a killer, a sorry excuse for a hero. who are they? where are they?

*the sinking feeling in your stomach never disappeared as you saw miles at school. he was darker, less talkative, more angry—you cant help but think it's your fault.

you almost quit being spidey but you knew the people needed you even if they acted like they didn't. the robberies, rampaging villaians everyone needed you.

you went back to fighting crime even acter you saw the headlines on the billboards calling you a murderer, a fraud.

in less than a month a new face was making noise on the news. the press called him the prowler. he's been stealing money from museums and the daily bugle; anything he can get his hands on.

his LED mask was the only thing they got as he sped away on his bike.

the prowler began to leave messages 'bring me spidey.' and a simple spider drawing with a red X over it. he wanted you dead, and you knew he wouldn't stop until he had it.

in hindsight it was like dejavu. you're back where you started. fighting on a building in the snow.

"i've been waiting on you spidey." you bearly escaped his claws. stream came from your mouth as you jumped back from him."who are you?!" you knew you were being played with but you couldn't help it. the masked man laughed before swiping at you again.your other cuts from him stung, his claws were full of poison.

"you ruined my life." he managed to punch you, poisonous gas exploded in your face from the impact. "you got me all wrong!" you fought back, bearly noticing you began to crack his mask. "you'll pay for what you did to me." he bunched your face repeatedly.

"no!" bringing your leg up you managed to kick him in his face, knocking him back. getting on-top of him you repeatedly hit him in his face. you didn't even notice the familiar brown eyes being unveiled to you until it was too late.

you froze in place when you saw his face. miles. he knocked you off of him again, smirking, he began to laugh. "this'll be the last face you see, spidey."

"miles?" you felt like throwing up all over again, looking at the boy you've loved for almost all your life talk down to you. you were almost living the worst day of your life all over again.

[writingjjfics]

Pogues to the rescue!

Pairing: JJ Maybank x kook!reader, Platonic!Pogues x kook!reader

Summary: JJ and the Pogues come to rescue Y/n from her Kook family party.

Warnings: Kooks

Requested?: Yes! See request here!

Word count: 1.4k

A/N: Guess who's back? back again? It's moi! I apologize for how extremely long this took, life got in the way 🙂 also I did change the request a bit, and got some inspiration from the midsummers episode, hope that's okay! Oh and Sarah is not part of the Pogues for the sake of the story (not my gif)

The last few hours of your life have been a bore. You were stuck at this table with egocentric old kook people who could only talk about their 'perfect' lives and their well-succeeded grandchildren. You tried your best to show interest, but your mind kept drifting off. You nodded politely at them, and every so often, you mustered up a fake smile to make them think that you were listening to their boring stories.

When you noticed that their attention was no longer on you, which was hardly surprising considering how egocentric they all are, you quietly got up from the table and left. After quickly scanning the backyard in search of your mother, you, fortunately, spotted her in a conversation with her best friends. Taking advantage of the opportunity, you made your way inside the house to use the bathroom.

As you sat down on the toilet, you felt relieved. Not only because you could finally pee, but also after hours of miserably pretending to be anything close to a Kook, you could let your guard down here, even if it was just for a few minutes.

Taking your phone from your clutch, you check for any notifications that you might have missed in the last few hours. While scrolling through Instagram, you noticed your boyfriend had posted a video on his story. In the video, JJ was smoking his Juul, surrounded by the rest of the Pogues who were dancing and singing to some song in the background.

JJ's happy smile, as he hung out with the Pogues, made you feel a sense of joy for him. The Pogues are his true family and he deserves to be this happy and comfortable all the time. Sometimes you were jealous of their relationship. Even though your family has money and shows their love and care for you in their own, unique way, you've always felt like you don't quite fit in with them. It's as if you're the odd one out. At least the Pogues always have each other and their bond is unbreakable.

You snapped a quick selfie and sent it to JJ, showing him how extremely bored you were. After putting your phone back in your clutch bag, you let out a deep sigh, realizing you had to get back to the party before your mom would put up 'missing child' posters. However, as you reached for the door handle, you heard your ringtone go off. A picture you had taken of JJ at the beach during sunset a few weeks ago, filled your phone screen. A warm feeling spread through your chest as you answered the phone, grateful that he had taken the time to call you back.

"Party that bad, huh?", JJ chuckled as he spoke.

"If I have to listen to these fake people for a minute longer, I'll pull a van Gogh myself"

You could hear JJ snickering. "That's one way to answer that question"

"Can't you just hack into a system and send some emergency alert or something?", you whined.

"Honey, I'm definitely not as smart as Pope, but what I can do is try to sneak you away?"

"Tempting as that sounds, my mom would kill me"

"C'mon baby, we both know your mom loves her reputation too much to kill her daughter", JJ joked.

You rolled your eyes. "Very funny JJ, besides I don't want to be a burden to the rest of the Pogues."

You heard JJ scoff. Since knowing JJ, you've met the Pogues a few times, yet each meeting seemed to grow more awkward than the previous one. JJ always reassures you that the rest of the Pogues just have a hard time getting comfortable around the idea that he is dating a kook, or well just kooks in general, and that it's never because of your personality. "Before you know it, they will love you as much as I do", was what he told you occasionally. But you just can't help taking it personal.

"Y/n, stop being so stubborn, and let us help you. I want you here as much as you want to leave that party. Be ready in ten. I won't take no for an answer."

You were about to protest, but before you could, the distant chatter of the other Pogues in the background went silent, indicating that JJ had already ended the call.

After giving yourself a final look in the mirror and letting out another heavy breath, you opened the door and made your way back to the party outside.

Everyone was still engrossed in conversation, and it appeared that no one noticed you had been gone. It gives you a glimmer of hope that you might be able to slip away from the party without your parents noticing. However, at the same time, you can't help but recall a few years ago when you did the same thing, only to receive a month-long grounding from them.

After nervously looking ahead for a while, and making up different scenarios in your head, you suddenly feel a tap on your shoulder. Irritated, thinking it's one of your parents wanting to remind you to be more social, you turn around.

"You look like you could use another drink. Can I maybe offer you this one?"

In front of you stood JJ, dressed up as a waiter, holding a champagne glass. He gave you that annoying but charming smirk of his.

You took the champagne from him and chugged the entire drink, making JJ chuckle.

"Thanks, you always know exactly what I need babe"

You and JJ both laughed and you turned around looking for your parents. Your mother was still talking to her friends, while your father discussed work matters as usual.

"C'mon, let's go before my parents see us leaving". You were still nervous about the consequences, but decided that, that would be a problem for later. There's nothing you want more than to be with JJ right now.

JJ took your hand and quickly led you to the front of the house. Before reaching the gate, he suddenly stopped and gave you a kiss.

"Hi baby", he spoke softly.

You smiled. "Hi, Jay".

JJ gestured with his head towards the gate. "The others are right outside waiting for us." He squeezed your hand to reassure you that it was going to be okay. You nodded and followed him.

As you turned the corner, you saw the rest of the Pogues waiting next to the Twinkie. They were talking, but stopped abruptly when they saw the two of you approaching. Pope waved shyly towards you, while John B approached you enthusiastically. "That was quick"

"Yeah, I thought those kooks would give you more trouble", Kie said, rolling her eyes and emphasizing the words 'those kooks'. You saw Pope nudge Kiara. “Sorry, no offense to you of course”, she quickly realized her mistake. You smiled weakly and shrugged your shoulder. 'Well, luckily I don't see myself as a Kook'.

There was an awkward silence until JJ cleared his throat and walked over to the Twinkie to open the door. "Let's go back to the Chateau shall we?"

You got into the back of the Twinkie first, expecting JJ to follow you, but instead, it was Kie and Pope as John B and JJ got into the front seats having their own conversation. Kie sat beside you and turned toward you.

"Hey, I want to apologize if we ever made you feel unwelcome. We just had to get used to a new person in the group, but we see how happy you make JJ and that is the most important thing for us."

"Yeah, and you're real nice and fun to hang out with Y/n", Pope added.

You smiled, "Thanks, that means a lot to me."

"And I'm actually happy there is finally a girl in this group, I love these boys but I also really need some girl time", Kiara said making everyone laugh.

You locked eyes with JJ who was already smiling and gave you a wink. A few seconds later you heard your phone go off and saw that you received a text from JJ that said "I told you they were going to love you." You rolled your eyes at him, but chuckled nonetheless. You finally felt like you belonged there.

The rest of the night was spent hanging out at the Chateau, laughing, dancing, and getting to know the Pogues better.

As for your parents, you later found out that they had tried to call you many times that night, so you ended up being grounded again, but you really couldn't care less because JJ and the Pogues were helping you through it. They would always be there for you.

aaaah the end!! so so happy I finally finished a fic again. I was busy with my graduation project and had massive writers block, but I'm back! So if you have any requests or you just want to talk to me? LMK ❤️ Okay, love you byee x

[oracle-of-dream]

Something Special

Summary: You've been getting closer to Jay, a wealthy businessman, as you've been booked to sing at multiple events for this business dinner. He invites you as his plus one this time, but you have a song written just for him prepared...

Notes: Some non-sexual works are in order since I haven't released any in a while, so I hope you like it <3

Wordcount: 2.8k

Sitting in a cafe, in a corner seat near the window. You could feel the sunlight shining through the window warming you up from the cold winter air. You came here to find some inspiration for your song. You wanted to write something special for a man who you met here. You could remember the day he walked into the cafe. It was an open mic night, which you went to every single one to practice singing on stage. Most people didn’t really pay attention to you, but one man couldn’t look away from you. It felt like you were singing just to him like the two of you were alone in the room together. That was months ago. The man introduced himself as Jay Park, the CEO of one of the businesses in the area. Some fashion company, and judging from the clothes he was wearing you could tell it wasn’t a lie either… Jay asked if you’d be interested in working a few gigs, promising very generous pay for some classy late-night singer vibes to come to his studio events. The first event was something to remember. It was on a huge stage with a live band. The room was full of people, most of them not really paying attention, the number was enough to even make you want to reconsider performing at all. But Jay spoke to you before the performance, encouraging you, and it turned out to be one of the best nights you’d ever performed.

You scratched your head in frustration, looking down at your notepad. It was full of lyrics from the song you’ve been working on for the better part of two months. You heard that your favorite client liked to have a New Year’s dinner for his company with live music. Meaning that it would be the perfect time to showcase a new song, but nothing seemed to fit the feeling you wanted. Something special…

You heard your phone ringing and answered, “Hello?”

“Hey Songbird, you busy?” 

You smiled at the nickname he gave you. “Never too busy for my favorite businessman.”

“Did you eat yet? We could go out to lunch in a bit, my treat!”

“Jay, it’s always your treat when you take me out.”

“Well, I can’t let you pick up the bill. It’s a pride thing, ya know?”

“Pride in what,” you scoffed.

“Pride in knowing I’m taking care of you. I like treating you. And there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you about too...” Jay’s voice was a little tight like he was nervous about something.

You pretended not to know that he was going to ask you to sing for him. “What’s the occasion, maybe another gig?”

“I did have a gig for you on New Year’s Eve, but I found another singer.” 

You hesitated, trying to collect your brain before replying. Your face felt a little warm and your smile faded after registering what he’d said.

Jay broke the silence first, “Not that you’re not an amazing singer, I just figured you’d be a little too busy that night since–”

“I’m super busy actually! I gotta go catch up with another client calling. We’ll get back to this another time, yeah?”

“Y/n?” 

You didn’t let Jay finish before you hung up the phone. Your face was hot and getting hotter as you thought more about it. It’s just business with him, so it doesn’t matter to him who he hires for events or whatever. Even giving a courtesy call to tell you not to worry about the event. The nerve of that guy! You look back at your notepad and flip to the next page, writing new lyrics to your song, something to show how you really felt about him.

Jay tried calling again after an hour, even texting you. You decided to mute his number while you were in your creative process. Since he had time to hire another singer because he assumed you were busy, then you were too busy to answer the phone. 

Three days had passed since you last spoke to Jay. You were still muting his notifications, but couldn’t help yourself from looking at the texts… It was mostly confusion in the beginning. Then trying to explain something, but Jay seemed apologetic. It had been a while since his last message, which was just, “I’m sorry”. That’s when the guilt started to set in. Were you being too harsh to him? It’s not like it's a contract deal or that he had feelings for you, so it didn’t matter if he hired another singer. But you still couldn’t find out why you got so angry in the first place.

You picked up your phone and called Jay. It rang and rang, but there was no answer. Maybe he moved on after you freaked out and ghosted him… You went back to your notepad, looking at the lyrics you wrote. The new ones were mean and it felt horrible reading what you’d written about him. You ripped out the pages and threw them all away, trying to put that part of yourself aside.

You called his office. His secretary Mrs.R answered. She was an older lady who looked after Jay like she was his mother. She was always willing to speak her mind to her boss, which is why he liked her.

“Hello, Y/n! It’s so good to finally hear from you. Mr.Park has been trying to get in contact with you!” 

“I know…” Your throat was so dry, it was hard to speak. “Is he in the office today?”

“Yes, he’s here. He’ll be in meetings for most of his evening. Should I tell him you called?”

You thought about it… “No, I don’t want to bother him while he’s at work. I know he’ll cut corners and try to make time to talk to me, I wouldn’t want him to do that.”

“Oh, okay. I would like to ask a question, if I may. What were you planning to wear to the New Year’s Eve dinner? Mr.Park asked me to pick out a suit for him, but I thought it would be best if he matched with you.”

You cocked your head to the side. “Why would he need to match with me?”

“Well, you’re his date, aren’t you?”

“Date!? He didn’t mention anything about that to me.” You tried to think about when he may have asked you.

“He told me he was planning to call you and ask you a few days ago. I told him it’s better to ask in person, so he said he’d invite you to lunch and ask you then.”

You remembered the last time he invited you to lunch… When you hung up on him.

“Actually. Mrs.R, if you could tell him I called. I’d really appreciate it.”

“I’ll let him know right away.”

“Thank you.”

You hung up the phone feeling like an idiot. You kept your phone with you for the rest of the day, checking it constantly, but got nothing from Jay. It was around 11 pm when you really started freaking out. New Year’s Eve was tomorrow and you had no real way of getting to him. You typed out a big paragraph apology to him for not listening to him and begged him to call you.

After a shower to clear your head, your phone rang. You almost fell as you rushed to answer it in time. 

“Jay! Look I’m so sorry, I was an idiot for not trying to listen–”

“I’m so sorry dear. I’m not Mr.Park…” You heard Mrs.R’s voice coming out of your phone.

“Sorry… How can I help you, Mrs.R?”

“I was hoping I could drop off this suit for you. I thought you could use it for the event tomorrow.”

“He hasn’t answered me, and I don’t think he will at this rate.” You sighed.

“He’s probably being petty. He’s like that when he’s upset, but I have an idea for you if you’re willing to go through with it.”

Your ears perked at her idea. You gave her directions to your home and she explained her plan about how she wanted you to crash his party to make him see you again. However, she left a lot of things vague with only one thing very clear. 

“You can’t talk to him before you get there. If you do, it could potentially give away the plan.” She warned.

You nodded in understanding as you took the bag she brought for you. Inside was the luxury suit, taken from one of the product lines in the company. You walked her to the door and thanked her for helping you, waving her off as she walked back to her car and drove away.

The suit was black with a white button-up, but the fabric was sleek and smooth. Something you’d more likely see Jay wear, but if it was a part of the plan then you knew you had to wear it.

The next morning, you fought the urge to text and call Jay again. It used to talk almost every day, but almost five days of not speaking to him was starting to get to you. That’s when you started getting texts from Mrs.R.

“Okay, first we need to get you into the building undetected. We can’t put you on the guest list as Jay gets a copy of it so he doesn’t forget who’s coming, so we’ll need to sneak you in with the catering business.”

Her plan sounded straight out of a spy movie, but you had no objections. You took your time putting on makeup and the suit, setting your hair right, and plucked your lyric book with you before leaving to head to the location of the party.

Upon arriving, you parked and followed the crowds of people towards the front. Your phone buzzed again.

“The caterers enter from the side entrance, white van. They should be expecting you, so just grab some supplies and help them inside. Once you're in, come find me.”

You texted her back. “Isn’t this a little extra? I could’ve asked him if I could come…”

“Of course it’s extra! He loves this kinda stuff, if you want to show him how serious you are, then you should be extra.”

You sighed as you walked away from the front of the building, to its side, and followed the caterers into the building as they carried in food, utensils, and more. Just as she told you, none of the staff bothered asking who you were. You took a few turns down the several hallways until it opened up into the main ballroom for the event, where you instantly spotted Mrs.R at the reception table. 

You rushed over to her, holding an empty tray. 

“Mrs.R!”

She smiled as you came over. “Well, who’s this handsome server?”

“So what next in your master plan?”

She took out a sheet of paper. “This is the itinerary. The singer we had was supposed to get here already, but I’ve managed to send them home. Without a singer, Jay will be desperate for a new one. And then that’s when you’ll take the stage. I’ll give you a signal, so hurry and get backstage!”

You didn’t know whether to be shocked or impressed by her control of the whole plan, but you didn’t have time to decide. You rushed backstage, ditching the metal tray somewhere. 

A voice came over the speakers, it was Mrs.R! “Ladies and gentlemen. I deeply apologize for the delay on the music, we’ve finally gotten someone who’s ready to give a little ambiance.”

You could see the audience from where you were standing. Jay was sitting towards the front with an irritated look on his face, talking to some other men he was sitting with. The rest of the audience was either eating or talking amongst themselves, which you were used to, but you got the same feeling from your first performance for Jay… Your hands were cold, your stomach churned, and your knees were locking into place.

Mrs.R walked backstage. “Okay, it's your–,” she noticed your stressed expression. “Oh dear, are you so nervous about performing in front of him?”

You shrugged as your mouth wouldn’t open.

“He wants to see you. And I know you want to see him too, I can see it in your eyes. He needs you to be strong right now, so you have to go!” Mrs.R ended her short pep talk by handing you her microphone and giving you a small push toward the stage.

The push was enough to get you to move your feet, and walk onto the stage. White lights shined onto your face, almost blinding you. Some of the audience was hard to see, but you could see Jay. Front and center, still talking. It didn’t seem like he’d noticed you yet.

You positioned the microphone on the stand and nodded to the band to start the first song in the set. You started singing, only looking at Jay. Hoping he’d look back at you…

It was about a minute into the song before he looked at you for the first time in five days. His expression softened and he cracked a smile when he saw you onstage. He nodded his in approval as you sang to him. You went through the first set of the event before being allowed to have a break.

You stepped backstage and Jay met you there.

“You’re here!?” Jay hugged you tightly.

“Y-Yeah… I’m here.” You hugged him back, enjoying every second of him holding you.

Eventually, the two of you separated, and Jay was the first to speak. “Did you get my messages?”

You nodded. “And did you get mine?”

“Of course I did. I tried to call you, but I was in meetings all day and still had preparations for the event. So I didn’t get the chance to call you… And I honestly thought you didn’t want to hear from me anymore.” Jay’s voice was full of relief, and he looked like he could’ve burst into tears at that moment. “Why did you hang up on me that day? I didn’t get to explain myself…”

“I… I felt a bit jealous. And irritated that you didn’t want to ask me if I wanted to sing for your event, and you assumed I was busy–”

“I was going to ask you to be my date at the party. You’d be too busy sitting with me to be on stage singing, is what I wanted to say.” Jay sighed. “I didn’t think you’d get so irritated that you’d hang up before I could give the pickup line.”

You felt more embarrassed hearing him say it. “When you said date, did you mean an actual one? Or just your plus one?”

“I meant, Date,” Jay said flatly. “I wanted tonight to be special, so I could ask you if we could look into something a little… more personal than Singer and Client. I just didn’t really know how to play it.”

“Is that still on the table?” You asked.

“I’m open to negotiations,” he replied smugly.

“Watch it, businessman. I’m not too into contracts.”

“Right, no cages for the Songbird. I remember.”

You blushed at the nickname. “Do you have somewhere a little private? Just us?”

Jay looked around before leading you to an elevator. It was all glass, with a view of the city as it got higher off the ground. He pressed on the 50th floor, letting the elevator rise. Right before the doors opened, he switched the elevator off. “Private enough?”

You looked out at the city lights. “Perfect.” You pull out your notepad from your pocket. “I wrote you a song if you’re willing to hear it…” 

Jay leaned against the wall of the elevator. “A private show? I’d love that…” His gaze was locked on you as you prepared yourself in front of him.

You sang Jay the song you’d spent the last two months writing, pouring in everything you’d felt about him. Tell him about the first time you met, your first performance for him, and how he had your heart since that day… 

At the end of your song, you saw a firework explode behind Jay. High in the sky. It shined beautiful green and purple colors. You moved closer to see more fireworks.

“Happy New Year, Songbird…” Jay whispered as he held your waist, pulling you close to him. “Do I get a New Year’s kiss too?” Jay spun you around to face him, his face lighting up from the colors of the fireworks. It felt like time had stopped moving as he leaned down to you. He softly placed his lips on yours, drinking your lips under the stars and lights of a new year. A new year together…

[justfonnsblog]

Things that you two do from the moment you started dating.

Headcannons, Izuku ft. Y/n

There's no doubt that at first Izuku was pretty shy, but you could still feel how happy he was to now be in a relationship with you. How? By the little gestures he'd do for you.

Like buying you your favorite drink or little snack, it might not look like alot, but when he shyly walked over and gave it to you with that soft smile, it was worth way more to you.

Now that you guys have been going out for a moment, Izu got comfortable around you...Like now he's way more clingy and you think it's a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e.

Not that you aren't either.

If it's not you holding onto his arm or his hand.

It's him always needing to either hold hands with you, touch your back gently or hug you everytime he sees you. It gets worse as you guys get older and his confidence grew (but anyways).

You sometimes will spoil him, just like he does with you, buying a snack or drink that you know he likes. Most likely something with All Might on it. If not some of his merchandises.

Like he has a book about heroes, he has one dedicated only to you, what you like, dislike and everything. And at first he didn't know—but now you've showed him—, you made a notebook just like his but about HIM. From his normal side to his hero. You only showed him because one day he was feeling down and bringing himself down and you wanting him to realize how great and sweet he is, showed him—with embarrassed flush— but a proud expression.

People seeing that might think you two are creepos, but you are just deep in love and so obsessed—in a cute, sweet way—that you want to remember everything about the other.

For you two, the best date is either going to study together, especially about heroes, do some spare training or simply cuddle in one of your dorms while watching a movie....Even though we both know you both are mainly focused on each other.

After a few months of dating, February arrived, you nervously holding onto the matching rings you got for both of you. You didn't know if he'd be comfortable with it. You waited till the end of Valentine's Day to talk about it to him, showing the two jade colored rings with a shaky hold.

You just don't know how important that is to him, he was extasic. Like. He always wears it, mostly forgetring to take it off every night. Always falling asleep as he looks at it with a smile, a small kiss on it as he thinks of you and have the best dreams. Especially after a long hard day.

If he's training or working, he puts it on a necklace so he always has it with him, holding you close to his heart in a way. And so do you, since the day you saw him do so. What can I say, the people you love always inspire you.

When people think that only men should give flowers to their love, you are the one who sometimes go to his dorm when he's not there and puts some flowers in his flower vase. And when he comes back, he sees it and it never fails to make him feel all bubbly and send you a small “Thank you sweetie. I love them ❤”, And the next day you find a bouquet of flower laying on your bed with a small message with his handwriting "DATE♡´･ᴗ･`♡" on it with a date and time.

It's all about the little things they say. People also say that a couple would be "awestruck" only for like a month or two, but you guys even after that are still acting like a new couple. Writing some little love notes and little doodles, and sneaking throwing it at each other during class—unless it's All Might's of course— smiling like idiots as you glance at each others before focusing back on the teacher speaking or whatever you guys where doing.

You nicknamed him in your phone “My little Broccoli🥦❤” while he has you nicknamed as “My little Sunflower❤🌻”. And that ain't gonna change, maybe to “Hubby Broccoli” and “Wifey Sunflower” as you two grow older.

Sharing is lovez right? You always share your food with him and Izuku will happily give you some of his. Even though most of the time he ends up finishing your food since he has more appetite than you. But he's a strong hero and he needs all those calories to fight and have lots of energy, so you will always gladly help him with that.

It had become a routine for Izuku to try and find a shirt to wear only to end up seeing you wearing it later that day. He doesn't mind it, on the opposite he loves seeing you in his clothes...Makes him feel like people will know that you are his. Only his.

When Deku merchandise started being sold, you were always quick to be one od the first ones to have them. And so now your rooms are full of his things, just like Midoriya with his All Might collection. Don't forget that he has your merchandises too. Not gonna lie, he might like that as much as All Might's—if not more—ahem.

When it would get cold, you two always have one long arse scarf so you both can share it and be closer to each other. And Izuku always make sure your hands are never cold by either having your hand in his pocket, holding it with his own, or by giving you his gloves if you didn't yours with you.

You might not want to admit it, but you both are a bit of clums when it comes to each other...Especially when you try to impress(at the beginning of your relationship it was the WORST). Sometimes you both get nervous and simply become a little mess and embarrass yourself instead. Either it is by saying bye and walking into a wall or door frame since you or him weren't looking at where you were going, sending a love text to his/your mother, tripping on your own feet or even messing up his or your name from being too excited or hyped about something you/he wanted to tell him/you.

He would try to go talk to Aizawa at one point so he could change place and sit by you, even if he knew the class was placed in a alphabetical order.

You are not one to spend aimlessly, until... it comes to your boyfriend. If you are out with some friends or on your own and see something you think would fit Izuku or that he'd like, without hesitation you go in and buy it.

While he will always go out of his way to buy a snack or a little something you like and give it to you directly or place it on your bed, wrapped up with a small note. Especially if you had a bad day or you are on your period. ♡

Playing with each other's hair is just so calming and comforting for both of you. You might gently play with his hair as he study or he might be found playing with yours when you're talking with your friends.

There's no stopping you two cuties.

[cerisefait]

The Beach

Inspired by The Neighbourhood's song.

[1,2k words]

a/n: I've been feeling sad lately and felt like I needed a hug so here we are. If you've been feeling the same, I hope you can find solace in my words ♡ (I didn't include what the reader was failing at in order for you to relate to it better, I hope you enjoy!)

summary: the reader feels like no matter how much she works to achieve her dream, it's never enough: she feels like a failure. so, she seeks comfort in Sanji's arms. use of nicknames and kisses.

Everything was going great. You thought you were at the top of your game, working hard to get what you wanted but… you failed. Instead of seeing the rise in your performance, you witnessed it hitting rock bottom.

Ever since you started this journey, you strived to become better. It was a rocky road with ups and downs but lately all you have ever been getting were failed results.

You knew you had the potential. Everyone on your crew knew it. Then why were you failing miserably? Just as you see that it gets better, the next it gets worse. You've been usually putting on a mask not to worry anyone but today, it hit you.

You don't remember feeling this helpless in a long time.

Knowing you could succeed but not being able to make it happen was making you question yourself and your worth. Other people seem to have it their way when they have half of your potential. So why can't you do it? You were trying day and night, giving it your best but it was never enough.

You were always confident about yourself when it came to it but now, you felt really powerless. You were the type to make everyone else around you feel safe and good about themselves but when it came to you, you felt like you had no one to rely on by your side.

You knew you had close friends who would listen to you and try to understand but you didn't help but feel like a burden whenever you shared your true feelings with someone. You were the friend who always helped people around her but never got the help she desperately needed.

***

Luffy, Nami, Zoro and Usopp were out, there was a festival in town; leaving you and Sanji as the only crew members on the ship. You were in your chambers when they left and Sanji was in the kitchen, as usual.

On his way out, Luffy told Sanji to cook a feast-like meal, not because there was a reason to celebrate; he just loved to have you all in a good mood and the way to Luffy's heart went through his stomach as all of you knew.

The rest of the crew was gone for almost two hours, making it easier for you to just sit with yourself and contemplate all that was happening around you. Why couldn't you succeed like you wanted just once? Was there something wrong with you?

Hours of sitting with the thoughts you usually avoid thinking and occasionally crying, you felt exhausted; your eyes were bloodshot and puffy from all the tears, the tip of your nose was slightly red due to all the tissues you've used.

You left your chambers in hopes of finding something to eat without letting anyone see you this way: You always liked to act tough when it came to your emotions. Plus if Sanji were to see you in this state, he would be so worried…

You thought he'd be done preparing the dinner by now but as soon as you entered the kitchen, you saw him: Washing a pan in the sink with the water running down the sink, a towel hanging on his right shoulder.

He seemed calm, humming a melody to keep himself entertained as he was rubbing the pan with a sponge while the dishwashing soap foams danced around on top of the pan, accompanying his brisk movements.

When he saw you, his calm demeanor changed fast. In a blink of an eye, his eyebrows became knitted and slightly tilted upwards, trying to understand what has happened to you.

Taking a quick look at his hands, he left the pan in the sink, dried his hands immediately using the towel on his shoulder before tossing it on top of the nearest countertop.

Seeing him like this made you feel guilty and you wrapped your arms around yourself, gently caressing the back of your left arm.

‘(Y/n), are you okay? What's wrong, are you hurt?’ He asked in a soft tone, looking at your body and face to see any type of scar as he came closer to you.

‘I'm fine Sanji.’

‘Don't lie to me. Your eyes… Have you been crying?’

‘I told you I'm fine!’ You exclaimed, tears welling up in your eyes.

‘Don’t shut me out like that princess, tell me what’s wrong.’ He whispered as he gently brushed a strand of hair behind your ear and caressed your right cheek which was stained with salty tears.

Shutting your eyes close, you leaned into his touch unconsciously; seeking the warmth it brought you. Being close to him always made you feel secure.

A few seconds later, you felt a wave of cold air on your cheek where Sanji’s hand was. It made you wince; struggling to open your eyes, you didn’t want to talk. Not yet.

Just then you heard him say,

‘Come here.’ He opened his arms on either side, welcoming you into a warm embrace.

Without wasting a second, you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your head into the blonde's shoulder. You felt so safe as he gently ran his fingers through your hair, letting your tears fall down your cheek and onto his blouse. When you pulled him closer he whispered

‘Shh it’s okay baby, I’m here.’

‘Am I not enough?’ you sobbed,

‘No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to succeed. I’m a failure…’’

He wrapped his arms around your waist to take a look at your pretty face. When you locked eyes, his heart shattered at the sight.

He quickly wiped away the tears and caressed your cheek once again, looking deeply into your eyes with a reassuring smile.

‘No, you’re not a failure. It’s okay to feel defeated sometimes but failure only happens when you give up.

‘But I feel so tired… It feels like there’s no point trying.’

He shakes his hand, pulls your head to his shoulder and holds you there tightly pressed against him.

‘Maybe you have to try another path to succeed… Or you just need someone to tell you everything is going to be alright ‘cuz it will be sweetheart, trust me.’ And he continued

‘You are so strong and intelligent. If there’s anyone who could do it, it’s you. So why waste your time thinking nonsense… I know you and your capabilites, so if you don’t believe in yourself then believe me when I say you will do it.’

‘What did I do to deserve you?’ You looked up at him with your glowy eyes and stained cheeks.

‘I was just asking myself the same thing…’ He confessed before placing a gentle, quick kiss on your lips before adding

‘Not everything in life is supposed to go perfectly, we all have our ups and downs. This moment isn’t going to last forever, just like none of the previous ones did. I don’t want to hear you call yourself a failure again. Understood?'

You nodded, sniffing your nose while looking up at him.

‘Good girl.’ He mumbled before connecting his lips to yours once again. This time it was more heated, passionate. After a few seconds you separated for air; your foreheads pressed against one another and your eyes were closed.

There was a sweet silence before he broke it off with an ‘I love you, (Y/n).’

‘I love you too Sanji, thank you for all of this.’

‘No need to mention, princess. Now let’s make you a hearty comforting hot soup…’

[princeasimdiya12]

Bucchigiri Utena Parallel-Wannabe Heroes and the Illusion of Fairy Tales

Apart from the NNL segments, I've also had some thoughts on the Bucchigiri storyline and it's parallels to the themes of Revolutionary Girl Utena. And this time my focus as been on Matakara, who has often been hailed as being the true protagonist and hero of the story because of his honorable, kind-hearted and proactive qualities. Much like Utena herself.

And like Utena, the two share a somber backstory where they held on to fairy tale beliefs to help them overcome their hardships and grow into the heroic figures they wish to be. But what they don't know is that they naively followed these tales without realizing the misinterpretations of those beliefs that have been passed down for generations and would soon become victims of the fairy tale figures that once inspired them.

But before I can delve into that story, we need to talk about this story.

Note: This post will contain MAJOR SPOILERS from the Revolutionary Girl Utena anime. If you still haven't watched it and want to be unspoiled, then please refrain from reading this until you've seen it. If that doesn't bother you, then go on ahead. Also, I would strongly recommend speaking with a friend or a reliable user about the dark and trigger-worthy content featured in Utena before watching. It's a great show but it does get DARK.

Also, there's another user who's planning on making an analysis post comparing Matakara and Anthy Himemiya so keep an eye out for that if you're interested in more Bucchigiri-Utena parallels.

Part 1: Origins of an Orphan

To start, Matakara's backstory and his idolization of Arajin has multiple similarities to Utena's backstory. For the purpose of this section, I'll be using the version that was shown to us in Episode 1 and not the true version.

"Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a little princess and she was very sad. For her mother and father have died."

The first piece of info that Utena gives us is that she was an orphan and was in despair because of her parents' deaths. Though Matakara's own parents haven't been brought up nor has it been explained what became of them, it's clear that he lost them at an early age. And while he did have his older brother and his presumed relatives to watch over him, this did very little in helping Matakara overcome his grief or escape the shadows that haunted him since he was little.

"Before the princess appeared a traveling prince riding upon a white horse. He had a regal bearing and a kind smile. The prince wrapped the princess in a rose-scented embrace and gently wiped the tears from her eyes."

While lacking the regal bearing and white horse, Arajin was the traveling prince who came into Matakara's life and inspired hope and light within him. As shown in their flashbacks, he was always a friendly and cheerful boy who radiated confidence and spirit. A true hero that Matakara could look up to and help him overcome his sorrow.

"Little one, he said, growing up alone in such deep sorrow, never lose that strength and nobility. Even when you are a young lady. I give you this to remember this day, we will meet again. This ring will lead you to me one day."

The crux of Matakara and Arajin's friendship was their desire to train and grow into becoming true Honki people. Warriors with strong hearts and did not flee from battle. Arajin genuinely saw that Matakara had that potential and encouraged him to train alongside him.

And what's more noteworthy is that the two are given a token to immortalize the moment. Utena is given a rose ring to remember the prince and her own nobility while Matakara is given a friendship stone to remember their bond as future Honki People. Even as their fated princes leave, the two heroes carry those precious tokens well into their adolescence years, never forgetting their mission of becoming the people they want to be.

It could also be argued that Mitsukuni, his older brother, could qualify as the prince in this scenario as he inspired him to stay strong in the face of adversity. Such as in Episode 8 where he explained the creed of the Honki and how he inspired his little brother to be brave like them. He even brings up their creed to Matakara just before he's hauled away to the big house.

"Perhaps the ring the prince gave her was an engagement ring. This was all well and good but so impressed was she by him that that the princess vowed to become a prince herself one day."

So the cherished prince rides off into the world leaving Utena alone, much like Arajin and even Mitsukuni would leave Matakara alone because of their respective issues. But rather then succumbing to despair, the two heroes resolved to maintain the noble spirit that those heroic figures saw in them. Utena went on to become a prince herself while Matakara would become someone worthy of being a Honki person. Though Matakara struggled more on his journey given how he threw himself into bloody battles while being alone, he would eventually be adopted into the Minato Kai Gang and become closer on his path to becoming a Honki person.

And just before we can go straight to Utena's story in the present, the fairy tale closes with a question to the viewer.

"But was that really such a good idea?"

For first time viewers, it's easy to interpret this question about Utena, a girl, becoming a prince since it defies traditional gender roles and what is expected in classic fairy tales. But as the RGU story progresses, we see that the concern comes not from a girl becoming a prince but more on the problems that come with being one.

Two in particular stand out. The first is that men who become princes usually use those roles for the sake of superiority and having control over women. They lack the nobility a true prince should have and relish in the title because of it's power and privileges. The second problem, and the one that this analysis post will focus on, is how princes who live up to those roles are exploited by the people they try to protect.

Part 2: The Truth That is Twisted by Time

All fairy tales, legends, myths and stories which have been passed from one generation to the next. And as the years go by, those stories are often subject to adaptations based on the preferences of the storyteller or how society uses those tales to explain their respective beliefs. A common criticism is how most fairy tales have more imaginative elements in play and avoid the grittier elements that the tale originally used (Ex. Cinderella got her dresses from a tree instead of a fairy godmother and her stepsisters chopped off parts of their feet to get the slipper to fit, Aladdin used African slaves as part of his prince con).

And we see those changes in adaptations in the fairy tales Utena showcased that omit or warp the truth to the ones who hear of them.

Such as in Utena's origins, we're told that it was only a prince who inspired her to become one so she can reunite with him one day. But the truth was that her decision was because she met Anthy who was suffering from the hatred of humanity. And the only way to rescue her was to turn into a prince whom she could believe in.

We also see a new adaptation in the backstory of Anthy and Akio which is now known to the world as The Tale of the Rose. The world remembers their story involving a powerful and perfect prince who was stolen from them by his sister who turned into a wicked witch out of jealousy. But the truth was that Anthy sealed him away not out of spite but out of love and concern as her brother was being exploited and over exhausted by a massive, unsatisfied world who overly-depended on him.

So as Utena demonstrates, the fairy tales we start out learning about aren't exactly as true as their origins demonstrate. They often omit or do away with the more tragic and gray aspects of the characters in those stories. This is all well and good, but what does that say about the Honki People?

Right in Episode 1, we're told that they're courageous and valiant fighters who train nonstop and pour their heart and soul into battle. Despite being brushed off as a simple old story in the present day, their legends and battles prove worthy enough of recognition. They have a temple in their honor, Arajin and Mataraka trained to become like them, and even the city is named after them. The narrative does a decent job in explaining the concept of the Honki People, but what about the people that inspired those legends?

As we see in Episode 9, we learn that Senya and Ichiya actually started out as ordinary humans who dedicated their lives to training and fighting one another, hoping to become a true Honki Person. It's stated that Ichiya was training himself to be a Honki Person so the legend was already around when the two of them were only boys growing up in a Middle Eastern town. And fitting the Aladdin parallels, Senya started out as a simple street rat with no family or home to call his own. And after meeting someone as cool, powerful and inspiring as Ichiya, he decided to spend his life alongside someone he could call his friend.

A rather somber element is that while the whole world grew up learning and embracing the Legend of the Honki, none of them actually knew who those Honki People were or what their past lives were like. Would it even matter to them how they started as humble street urchins with no family or home to call their own? They knew what they turned into, but they never stop to think about who these legends started out as or what their backstories or even their names are.

But what's more tragic is what became of Ichiya, the one who inspired Senya. Though we still don't know the exact details for what Senya did that tarnished their friendship, it ultimately impacted his best friend for the worst, corrupting his heart and letting him be filled with hatred and contempt. He no longer valued friendship like he did when he was human and views it as a weakness that must be purged. Perhaps becoming a true Honki Person wasn't all it's cracked up to be given how they're bound to pistols and made to serve whoever finds him for thousands of years.

It's akin to the Rose Prince who's powers were sealed away by Anthy in a desperate act of love leaving him unable to save the world like he used to. Only because of his powerless state did the Prince lose his heart and became a cruel, manipulative and spiteful monster who longed to reclaim what once belonged to him. He would even resort to inflicting every form of abuse imaginable onto his sister as "punishment" for what she did to him. (And yes I do mean every form so please keep that in mind if you haven't seen Utena yet!)

The hero who was glorified and admired in their respective tales loses their nobility in real life, allowing themselves to be corrupted and be filled with new desires of revenge and power. Transforming into the opposite of what they represented in the generations that told their stories. Simply put, they become a villain.

A villain who is...

Part 3: The Virtuous Victim Turned Vile Villain

Bucchigiri and Revolutionary Girl Utena are shows that share the themes of fairy tales while deconstructing and subverting tropes associated with them. One of which that the two share is playing on the idea of a heroic or fairy tale archetype (the genie and the prince) becoming the villain of their respective shows. It's even more ironic that the true heroes of those series would start out being inspired by adaptations of them that portrayed them in a positive light only for to fall prey to their schemes when they meet them in real life. Bucchigiri has Ichiya, a true Honki Person that Matakara heavily looked up to, and Utena has Akio, the Fallen Prince Dios who led the sad princess on the path to becoming a noble prince.

Each of them started out as the ideal fairy tale figure that helped the heroes when they were only children who confronted sadness and loneliness at a young age. But now that they're older and are meeting with them, they end up falling victims to the fairy tales they initially admired and tried to become. And neither of them realize that they're being used as it happens.

Ichiya's goal is ultimately to merge with Matakara to take over his body and exact his revenge on Senya. As to what Ichiya's motives are after taking his revenge aren't clear, but what is clear is that Matakara will lose himself after being completely possessed. And because Matakara is suffering through his feelings of loneliness and his childhood friend's true nature, he doesn't even notice how Ichiya is manipulating him to improve the merge rate.

Akio's goal has been to groom Utena into producing a noble heart that can help him reclaim his original powers, even leading her in an intimate relationship to further manipulate her. Should he succeed, then he'll discard Utena and move with his life as Prince Dios once again. If not, then he'll discard her and find another person to groom. And Utena doesn't realize this as she's led to believe that he's the prince who once saved her from despair and she'll get the happily ever after she believed will make her content.

The scary part about this, is that they're not the first victims to fall prey to their wicked schemes.

Though it hasn't been confirmed on Ichiya's side, it's heavily implied that he's bonded with other people who found his magic pistol before taking full possession of them. Given how he's lived for thousands of years and initially resided in a public Honki temple, there's no way he would have not been found by some unlucky sap. His common knowledge of possession would suggest he's done this before and has seen the unfortunate results of the person he takes control of, which he mentions to Akutaro.

As for Akio, he also has lived for thousands of years and organized constant Rose Duels in the vain hope of choosing one lucky winner to steal their heart so he can break. Using his sister as a prize to be one, there have been countless tournaments held with the hopes of finding the right target that can help him regain his powers from the Rose Gate.

Alas, neither villain was successful with their attempts given that they've turned their sights on the new generation of heroes to continue their cursed wishes that have lasted for centuries.

And speaking of wishes, remember how I brought up in Part 2 how fairy tales were much darker compared to the more enchanting stories we grew up with?

Well thanks to a peculiar finding by @mahoromouse, I came to realize something about Ichiya and possibly Honki people in general. They're not even genies, they're djinn.

Contrary to the Western media's adaptation of genies as whimsical, playful, wish granting spirits who are voiced by beloved comedians, djinn were actually neutral spirits who were born from fire and were able to wander the Earth like humans do. That said, there are some djinn who grow stronger when interacting with negative emotions found in a human being. It's even said that they can inspire greater levels of negative emotions in a human that they target. Much like how Ichiya is cultivating Mataraka's anger towards Arajin and his fears of the shadows that haunt him.

And how fitting it is that from the moment Senya was introduced to us, Arajin and the audience interpreted him as a genie. Especially given that Senya even offers him a wish while proclaiming that "Honki" can also be spelled to make "Majin" 魔ま人 which in Japanese means "demon person" or "magical person". But have we actually seen Senya grant Arajin's wish of losing his virginity? While he does help the boy in getting stronger and boosting his image as a man, that doesn't mean it's gotten him very close to losing his virginity (thank goodness). And it can be inferred that Ichiya never granted Akutaro's wish despite having stayed by his side during his reign as the NG Emperor.

Given how the Western's portrayal of genies have been popularized and glamorized for years, we have easily forgotten the true origins of genies or djinn and the grittier aspects associated with their backstories.

Conclusions

The theme that the two shows share is how a child who was in a dark moment in their life was inspired by a fairy tale to help them find the light. And so touched were they by the heroes in the stories that they decided to become just like them. But as their respective shows demonstrated, that wasn't a very good idea. The Prince and the Honki Person they once admired turned out to be monsters who resolved to exploit them and reclaim something that was lost to them many years ago. And because they grew up with the romanticized and ideal versions of their idols, they never realized the truth about them which was lost in time mixed with ongoing adaptations that omitted their pasts making them more acceptable to the world.

As for whether Matakara will be saved from Ichiya's corruption while still gaining a heart that does not flee, I cannot say. But as it stands, it looks like Arajin will need to be the one to come in and save the boy he once inspired and who still holds dearly in his heart. And just like I mentioned in my last NNL segment, maybe their friendship won't be the same anymore despite defeating Ichiya. Maybe Matakara will still harbor negative feelings to his friend for how he was mistreated and abandoned for so many years. But much like how Utena ended on a hopeful ending, I believe the same thing can happen in Bucchigiri.

And those are my thoughts on the matter. It's been a great while since I wrote an analysis post this big so thank you if you committed to reading all of this. So what do you think of these themes? If you agree or disagree with anything I've written, please feel free to reblog and/or comment with your own ideas. Thank you and may you have a great day/night!

[tryingtograspctrl]

SHE: BILLY LOOMIS AND STU MACHER X BLACK PLUS SIZE READER

SUMMARY - You moved to Woodsboro 2 years ago and quickly became friends with Marlon and Shawn, you did your best to make friends with their friends but you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable around them because of those two... and your feelings were very valid.... Title inspired by the song "She" by tyler the creator. I reccomend you listen to it.

You jolted up at the sound of your alarm clock blaring. You reached over smacking your hand against it to quiet it down while simultaneously blowing out the candle you seem to always leave lit, one day you were gonna burn the house down.

"I don't know what it is that you've done to meee, but it's caused me to act in such a crazy wayyyy." You sang along to the radio as you brushed your teeth.

You got dressed as quickly as you could knowing Marlon and Shawn would be in the driveway any minute.

You met Marlon and Shawn when you first moved to Woodsboro around 2 years ago.

Your parents had been killed in a car accident and you had no other living relatives in your hometown so you were forced to move in with your Aunt in California.

She traveled often due to work so you only saw her a couple weeks out of the year.

You didn't mind it though, you liked to be alone, sure you'd get homesick sometimes, missing all your old friends but Marlon and Shawn filled the empty space well.

The hardest part for you was mourning the loss of your parents and adjusting to a new school, nobody liked being the new kid. Plus there was a lot of attention on you due to your appearance, you had been a big girl your whole life and people always tried to use it against you, but you loved your body no matter how other people felt about it. You cherished every curve and every inch.

The eyes could be annoying though, people acted like they've never seen a plus size black woman before.

Flashback

"Heyyy slow down a little girl, I'm Shawn you must be new here?" The tall dark skin man stood in front of you, hand extended for you to shake.

You looked him up and down, scoffing before attempting to make your way around him.

You knew plenty of guys like Shawn, one of the schools golden boys who every girl wanted to be with, and every guy wanted to be. You had met plenty of jackasses like that back in your hometown, the ones that would play friends with the big girls and the weird kids for shits and giggles with their asshole friends.

"Damn i just wanted to show you around, why you so harsh on a brother?" He stood in front of you again.

"Listen, i don't need any help. I can find my way around on my own, ok?" You snapped placing your hands on your hips.

"Whatever you say." He held his hands up in defense.

You looked down at the paper the lady at the front desk gave you, a schedule with your classes and which room they were located in.

"It looks like you have science first period, i do too. I can take you there." Shawn pointed from over your shoulder.

You jumped slightly at his voice, not realizing he had been following you.

"Fine." You gave in, he seemed too hard to get rid of and you didn't feel like putting up a fight.

He walked ahead making sure you kept up behind him.

"I never got your name." He peeked at you.

"Y/n." You spoke softly.

"Y/n, that’s pretty. Listen my brother Marlon is in this class too, i just wanna give you a heads up, he's super loud and goofy but he's got a good heart don't take him too seriously ok?" He looked down at you.

"Ok." You nodded.

You both walked in together and despite the teacher's best effort to get you to do the whole awkward introduction thing Shawn had stopped him, explaining that you were tired from the big move and just wanted to get settled.

You smiled a little at him, you really appreciated that especially since you'd get super anxious speaking in front of other's. Maybe you shouldn't have judged him too quickly.

"Damnnn the new girl is fione! Yo i'm Marlon what's your name baby?" He pulled his desk closer to yours, the legs making an awful screeching noise as they moved across the floor.

"Hey man get out of her face, and stop being so damn loud it's 7 in the morning." Shawn glared.

"My bad a brother can't be jolly in the morning? Who pissed in your cheerios?" He huffed.

You giggled at his antics shaking your head.

"At least someone appreciates me." His eyes lit up.

"I'm y/n." You shook his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you madame." He spoke in a terrible french accent lifting your hand to kiss it.

You laughed swatting at him.

"Hey you're a lot nicer to him than me." Shawn frowned.

"What can i say, i like funny guys." You winked.

Back to present

You smiled fondly at the memory as you laced up your shoes.

"Here she comessss, the beauty queen!" Marlon sang as you walked out the front door.

He got out of the car and opened the door for you bowing.

"Stop it boy." You laughed getting into the car.

"Did you sleep good?" Shawn asked kissing your cheek.

"Yeah i did, how was the party last night? Sorry i couldn't make it." You asked applying your chapstick.

"Eh it was fine, nothing crazy. You coming to the big game tonight right?" He asked taking his eyes off the road for a moment.

"Of course, i couldn't miss the biggest game of the season." You smiled at him.

He smiled too shutting off the car once he found a place to park.

"You guys go ahead i'm gotta go use the bathroom first." You grabbed your bag shutting the door.

Small time skip

You shook your hands out as you made you way across the courtyard.

"That bathroom never has any paper towels." You shook your head talking to yourself.

"Hey y/n?" Someone called out to you.

"Oh hey Randy." You turned around.

"I haven't seen you in the video store in a while, a bunch of new releases came out." He jogged catching up to you.

"I've been busy studying, my grade in math has tanked and i'm trying to get it up before the end of semester." You frowned slightly.

"Hey if you ever need help i can tutor you, i'm great at math." He placed a hand on your shoulder.

"That'd be great thank you." You smiled brightly at him.

"Of course, and when you get the time stop by the store. I got something for you." He smiled.

"I will, see you later." You waved turning back around and walking toward the fountain.

"What did that creep want?" Tatum asked a look of disgust on her face.

"Don't be like that, Randy's sweet." You frowned.

"Yeah trying to sweeten his way into your drawls, i don't trust him." Marlon scooted towards you as you sat beside him.

"Awww you jealous?" You pinched his cheeks.

"Jealous? of Randy? Girl have you seen me?" Marlon stood flexing.

"Feel that girl." He pointed at his bicep.

You just laughed squeezing his arm.

"Alright come on muscle man before we're late." You grabbed your bag.

"You're coming to the game right?" Sydney tugged at your wrist.

"Yeah of course i'll be sitting right in the front." You nodded.

"That's great, we'll need our favorite cheerleader." Stu spoke up for the first time that morning.

You laughed brushing it off as a joke.

You looked over at Billy to see him already looking at you, staring directly into your eyes.

Your face fell and chills ran up your spine, but you quickly recovered doing your best to smile at him.

"I was thinking we could stop by that mexican spot after the game, you know like a celebration dinner." Shawn suggested.

It took you a moment to peel your eyes away from Billy but you eventually did, nodding in agreement.

"Whatever you want." You relaxed in his embrace.

Part two: here

[enhashoutout]

Please Only Look At Me (Fujio x reader)

Have I written a Fujio x childhood friend reader post before? Yes

Am I gonna do it again and again because Fujio + this trope is my favorite thing? Absolutely

Genre: Fluff

___ is used in place of y/n to address the reader

Reader is written with female attributes, please feel free to change these while you read if you do not identify as such

Warnings: none other than like a few kisses

I listened to "From The Start" by Laufey while writing if you want to listen to it while you read.

Inspired by my bestie @high-and-low-all-the-way 's post High and Low reactions Them as Love tropes

The one where Fujio isn't gonna lose the girl he's been in love with his whole life to some rando who doesn't know you like he does.

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___ and Fujio have been friends since they were kids. The two lived in the same housing estate at Hope Hill and were over at each other's places all the time so that they weren't home alone.

Both kids were very outgoing growing up but ___ started to retreat into a shell as puberty hit because growing up as a girl with people telling you how to act and be took a toll on her. Fujio stayed the same, extroverted and excited to make friends. The only people who get to see ___ extroverted were Fujio, Madoka, Seiji, Arata, Shinya, and Masaya. Yui too once they became friends through Madoka.

Fujio never treated ___ any differently. He saw the changes in her personality but didn't mind because he still got to see your extroverted personality when you were together. Not going separate ways once you grew older was already more than Fujio could ask for because he was scared you would grow up and realize you didn't want to be friends anymore, wanting to hang out with different people.

Fujio staying the same even through puberty, made ___ question her feelings for him. It’s not like he treated her any differently from everyone else, so why does she like him more than a friend? Because he's nice? Well, he's nice to everyone so it doesn't mean he feels the same way. Being nice is the bare minimum, so why is it different when Fujio is nice to her?

Fujio on the other hand thought his feelings were obvious. He waits for ___ to pick her up from school, even on late nights where she stays after for after school club events. He shares his food, and won't let anyone else help him patch up his injuries because "only ___ knows how to do it correctly". Fujio is brave in all situations... except for his feelings for ___; so he thought he would let his actions speak for him instead of saying it directly. She would surely pick up on the signs... right? Wrong. ___ is convinced he's just being nice because he is a nice person.

The only people that know for sure ___ likes Fujio are Madoka and Yui. She chose not to tell the boys because she was scared one of them would accidentally slip and tell Fujio, scared that he might not feel the same. More people know Fujio likes ___. Seiji, Arata, Shinya, Masaya, Tsukasa, Jamuo, and the rest of the boys who follow him. They always hear him talking about you and how much he likes you but doesn't know if you feel the same because you don't show any signs of feeling the same way. You don't blush at his words or actions, and you never seem nervous to be around him. (The truth is that you've been hiding your crush on him for so long you've gotten good at pretending he doesn't affect you in any way when he really does.)

Madoka, Seiji, Arata, Shinya, and Masaya are sure you both like each other but don't know what to do with you guys. The friend group was sworn to secrecy by the respective friend, so they weren't allowed to give the other person a little push in the right direction. It seemed you were both doomed to not know how the other felt until a certain group date was crashed.

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Madoka, Shinya, Yui, Sawamura, and a few other girls from the band club and their boyfriends were all going on a group date. Madoka, Yui, and the girls got you to tag along because they said that the boys would bring a few friends who are single also.

"I don't know guys, I don't have someone to go with. It'll be boring if I just sit there while you're all talking to your boyfriends. I don't want to be a third wheel to four different couples."

"We took care of that! The other girls told us that their boyfriends have friends who are also single and a few of the other band girls who are also single are coming too. So, you guys can all do blind-dates or even speed-dating!" (Yui)

"I don't know about this guys...."

"Come on ___, it'll be fun! Maybe you'll like one of them and stop liking Fujio," said Yui.

"Pleaseee, she's liked him since we were 6. I don't know if she'll ever stop," said Madoka.

"No need to call me out like that Madoka."

"It's true! You've liked him since we were kids. But take what Yui is saying into consideration. Maybe you'll like one of the guys that comes on the date."

"Okay fine." The other girls hugged you, squealing with excitement; happy that you agreed to come along.

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The next day after school, you guys walked to a café nearby, meeting the boys there. Your friends ran to give their boyfriends a hug, you following behind.

"Hey ___." (Shinya)

"Hey Shinya."

"Hey ___! What are you doing here?" (Sawamura)

"Madoka and Yui convinced me to come and join the blind dating. Told me it would be fun. I figured it wouldn't hurt to just mingle."

"Guys, let's go inside!" (Yui)

The group began to file into the cafe, but not before Sawamura looked at Shinya and mouthed "Text Fujio" before they all went in. Shinya didn't need to be told twice, he was already thinking about it, Sawamura just helped double confirm his thoughts. All the boys who were friends with Fujio knew he liked you, everyone was surprised none of them have spilled the secret to you. I guess that comes with being loyal to Fujio. Both guys knew that Fujio would flip if he knew you were here on a blind date.

As everyone was waiting to be seated, Shinya pulled out his phone to text Fujio.

Hey Did you know that ___ is also here?

Fujio was hanging out on the rooftop with the others when his phone buzzed. He picked it up and read the notification from Shinya, almost spitting out his drink after reading the messages.

F: What do you mean ___ is there?! Aren't you on a group date?! S: Yeah. I guess some of the other guys here brought their single friends and the girls and guys who are single are blind dating while the rest of us are on a group date. Sawamura and I just wanted to let you know she's here. F: Where are you guys? S: The café near Seiho Girl High School.

"Guys I have to go!" shouted Fujio as he ran out of Oya. The others looked at him, a bit baffled because he ran out before any of them could answer. Fujio began running towards the café. He ran and ran and didn't stop until he had arrived outside of the café. Fujio quickly entered and looked for you, seeing you talking to some random boy from another school.

"Fujio! What are you doing here?" Shinya asked out loud, pretending like he wasn't the one who notified Fujio of your whereabouts.

Fujio walked over to your table and grabbed your hand, pulling you out of the café with him without a word.

"Fujio? Fuijo, where are we going? Fujio I left my date back there by himself because you pulled me out of the café!"

Fujio turned around to look at you, not letting go of your wrist. "Don't look at anyone else."

"Huh?"

"Don't look at anyone else. Don't look at other boys. Please only look at me."

"Fujio what are you talking about?"

"I like you ___. I've liked you for a long time ___, since we were 6 years old. I've liked you every day since we met and I've been trying to show you I like you since we were 10. I haven't been able to tell you because I was scared you didn't feel the same, but I'm telling you now. All the boys know I like you, I told all of them. When Shinya and Sawamura saw you here they texted me and I came as fast as I could. I can't lose you to someone else when I've loved you my whole life ___. I love you ___! So please don't look at anyone else."

A moment of silence passed between the two as they continued to stare at each other. "Well at least accept or reject me ___. Don't leave me hanging," said Fujio.

___ grabbed a hold of Fujio's other hand, getting up on her tip toes, and kissed the boy. Fujio let go of ___'s hands to wrap his arms around her waist as he melted into the kiss. ___'s hands going up to grab his shoulders. The two finally pulled away when they needed air.

"You should've just told me that from the beginning Fujio."

"I know. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you. Be my girlfriend?"

"Yes, I would love to finally be your girlfriend."

Fujio hugged ___ and spun them in a circle. "I've been waiting my whole life to hear you say that."

"In my defense, you took a whole lifetime to ask."

He let go of the hug to look at her. "But I've been showing you that I liked you since forever!"

"Showing me how?!"

"By being extra nice to you!"

"That's not valid! You're nice to everyone!"

The two held hands and walked off, continuing to bicker back and forth about whether or not Fujio's actions spoke loud enough to convey his feelings or if he should've just verbally confessed sooner. Behind a bush, Tsukasa, Jamuo, Todoroki, Yuken, Tsuji, and Shibaman hid to look at the two.

"Well, now they're dating, but they still bicker the same way they did when we were all 6." (Jamuo)

"I don't think that'll ever change about them." (Tsukasa)

"Finally! Now we won't have to hear him mope about how ___ doesn't return his feelings anymore!" (Tsuji)

"Yeah but now it's gonna turn into him talking about how much he loves her instead." (Shibaman)

Yuken was taking a picture of the two walking hand in hand.

"Uhhh what are you doing?" (Todoroki)

"Sending it to the Housen-Suzuran group chat obviously." (Yuken)

"You guys have a group chat?" (Todoroki)

"Yeah. It's new. Made it since Rao and Sachio are friends now." (Yuken)

"Are you updating Rao on Fujio's love life?" (Tsukasa)

"Yes. And making Binzo jealous." (Yuken)

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TA-DAH! You made it to the end! This was just something small and fun I wrote today when I got a break from class and training at my new job. I miss writing😭 I need to get back into writing more, I didn't get to post anything in the Summer. This blog is gonna see an insane amount of self-indulgent fluff fics being posted because I'm gonna need those to get through my Master's program this year (help I'm dreading it already and this is only my second day)😭😂

© This work is copyrighted by enhashoutout. I only post my work on this Tumblr account. I do not allow people to repost or translate my work without my permission. If you do see anyone doing so, please let me know. Writers work hard on their stories, please don't be a crappy human and take our work. ♡

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[wwinterwitch]

questions — joel miller x fem!reader

summary: after a night at the bar, joel walks you home and you finally confess what has been on your mind since the night everything fell apart pairing: joel miller x fem!reader word count: 3.9k warnings and tags: doesn't really follow canon but sill minor spoilers for ep. 6 i guess?, angst with a good ending, alcohol consumption, reader is drunk, joel being joel, miscommunication, sharing feelings go wrong, i'm not used to write angsty fics i'm sorry if this sucks author's note: omg omg happy finale day!! i wrote this listening to question...? by taylor swift so that's what inspired this concept, also this was supposed to be a tiny little blurb idk how we got to almost 4k words but okay i guess

a reblog and/or comment on my posts really help me out as a content creator so thank you in advance if you take the time to do either!

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Before tonight you were fine.

You barely even thought about him in that way. You barely remember the way his skin feels against yours, or the way a simple kiss from him would leave you begging for more. It was like all those nights you two would stay up talking about whatever, his arms around you and your back pressed against his chest, never existed.

Training your heart not to long for him and your brain to keep him out of your thoughts was no easy job at first. It was almost impossible for your body not to want him close. Not being able to talk to him about whatever was on your mind and knowing he no longer will reach out to share even his most profound secrets was absolute torture. Walking next to him all day without being able to reach out for his hand or stop for a quick second just to hold him close to you was a living nightmare that you couldn't wake up from.

Because how could he be so easy to forget? Joel Miller. The first and only person you've fallen in love with. That special someone that opened up a door to a whole new world that you never realized you were dying to discover until he was standing in front of you, his extended hand being an open invitation to walk all these unfamiliar roads and witness the beauty of it all together.

It was new and scary and beautiful. You were addicted to loving him before you even realized exactly what it was. From the moment you were able to put a name to this new feeling he taught you, you vowed to be his for as long as he'll have you- but what a shame it was to realize that the ending to a seemingly long story was already written at the very back of the page.

Perhaps your love blinded you enough to believe he had fallen just as hard, only to realize he was still standing at the edge of the precipice, staring down as you fell into the darkness of the abyss. Perhaps it's the fact that death is all around that makes it impossible for anything to be born. Why would you be able to live a fairytale in the middle of a horror show? What could possibly make you so special?

At least he doesn't seem to be affected by the fact that you two drifted apart. It's not like he's the best at sharing his feelings to other people, his ever-frowning gaze always present in his face no matter the circumstance, but you were still hoping that maybe he cared enough to show you he's hurting even just a little bit.

That should be comforting, right? To know he's perfectly fine and that you never cross his mind in that way. He doesn't have the need to apologize or make it right. He doesn't regret what happened and it never plays back in his head as he curses at himself for not doing things differently. You and your...relationship? are that easy to forget.

No. It's not comforting at all. If anything, it makes everything worse.

You can still remember the night you told him you loved him. A moment in your painfully short history together that you wish you could erase. A disappointing ending to what could've been an absolute masterpiece.

Ellie was already asleep and the two of you were keeping watch. He insisted you should get some sleep but you wanted to stay with him. He wasn't a fan of showing you any type of affection since Ellie joined the two of you, so the nights are the only chance you have to be closer. It was like the moon and stars were your best of friends at that point, because they meant he could finally be yours.

The confession slipped from your lips in a quiet whisper. A simple and timid "I think I'm falling in love with you" was all you offered. It's not hard to remember the way your hands would slightly tremble, or the rapid beating of your heart. It's as unforgettable as the confidence you were feeling because despite being so nervous, you were certain that he'll say it back.

He never did. He didn't say it back that night, or the morning after, or any other morning that followed.

It was embarrassing to look back on it now that you know what happened next. You were snuggled up next to him, one of his arms wrapped around your shoulders. His eyes were fixated on the fireplace that helped to make the chilling air of the night a little more tolerable.

Staring at his handsome complexion without his permission was probably one of your favorite things to do. He had confided in you a couple of times that he couldn't understand why you enjoy it so much. That he's not this breathtaking sight that deserves to be contemplated in the way you do.

Truth is, he's the most hypnotizing sight of all. You didn't care about the roughness of his features or the years visible in the corner of his eyes, hair and beard. He's gorgeous and unique and yours. You could stare at him for hours and never get tired of it.

Like many times before, he caught you staring at him. And just like those times before, he made a gesture that should tell you he disliked that habit of yours, only to be betrayed by the smirk timidly forming on his lips not so long after.

It was then, with his eyes staring back at yours, that the verbal proclamation of your love for him invaded the quietness of the night.

And that's when his smirk magically disappeared. His eyes became dark with something you couldn't quite decipher at the time, still staring back at you but not really. It was clear he wasn't there with you anymore, too lost in his own thoughts to truly acknowledge your presence anymore.

Before you could even think of saying something else, he surprised you with an almost robotic "I think you should get some sleep".

Feeling more heartbroken and confused than ever, you did exactly that. You got up and joined Ellie, cuddling up in your sleeping bag with your back facing him. It's still a mystery to you how you were able to cry yourself to sleep that night without making a sound. How you were able to control the hurricane of emotions after telling the love of your life how you feel and him not caring about it in the slightest.

And suddenly, being in love was still new and scary but it had turned into something horrible.

You had to spend every second of every day with him after that, pretending nothing ever happened. He never brought it up either, so you decided to ignore it to avoid making a fool of yourself again. His reaction was enough to let you know he never really loved you, so you ran with it and tried to continue knowing whatever you two had or could have was no more.

But it was still difficult at times. Ellie kept asking you questions regarding you and Joel even weeks after the incident. She's not stupid. She could see you two weren't exactly friends, no matter how hard Joel tried to convince her otherwise. She's also not someone who settles for made up excuses or half truths, which made her push the subject until she got a good enough answer. That's why she continued coming to you for answers, because she knew he'll never talk about it.

It was only when you explicitly confirmed you two weren't just friends before quickly telling her it was completely over that she eventually let it be. After that, she also started to pretend nothing happened.

Jackson became pretty much the light at the end of a pitch back tunnel you thought was never-ending. You were excited to meet new people and have new things to do during the day, knowing it'll help to keep you busy, forcing Joel out of your head.

It was so exciting in fact, that it helped to make it seem as if the quick "she's the one I've been traveling with" that Joel used to introduce you to his brother wasn't that terrible.

Tommy, who much to your luck was nothing like his big brother, made sure to show you around and introduce you to a few people. He got you a house so you and Ellie could settle in and helped you find a job at the local library, officially starting your new life that didn't revolve around Joel.

In time, you found your place in the commune (as you and Ellie love to call it to tease Tommy). Joel was slowly becoming just a bad chapter in a much bigger story that you started to write for yourself, and you're loving the new plot that's unfolding across the blank pages.

However, all of that progress came crashing down tonight. Tommy's birthday was being celebrated at the local bar and there was no way you would ever miss it. Not only has he become a very good friend, but you also needed the distraction.

The familiar faces, the food and drinks made you forget about Joel's presence for most of the night and you barely made the effort to acknowledge his presence. Without being able to prevent it, your eyes accidentally met for a few seconds. It was almost sickening that everything about that half-a-second-look was so much like a movie. You were laughing at something a friend had said before you finished your third drink of the night, casually scanning the room to catch Joel already looking your way.

He smiled and you barely smiled back before focusing on the conversation with your friends again as if nothing happened. The alcohol might have motivated you enough to just not care anymore. To show him you really couldn't care any less to try to be nice after he was such an asshole when you were completely vulnerable before him.

The idea of not caring seemed tempting. Thinking the alcohol was helping, you continued drinking until you forgot about pretty much everything- which didn't take that long considering your alcohol resistance wasn't that good after a long time without drinking. You don't care about Joel, or the hours passing by, or the fact that you're probably making a complete fool of yourself giggling and dancing with a few friends that are probably as drunk as you are, if not more.

All the hype from being intoxicated started to wear off after a while, becoming more and more sleepy until you were practically dragging your feet towards the exit, putting on your coat and hat to prepare for the cold night outside.

"Looks like you had a good time," you hear Tommy comment in a mocking tone, sending a sympathetic smile your way.

"I did! Thanks for inviting me. And happy birthday to you again!" you exclaim cheerfully. "I hope I didn't make a fool of myself tonight."

"Oh, you definitely did," he mocked, chuckling lightly. "But hey, those dance moves you were pulling off back there? Best birthday gift I'll ever receive."

You looked positively embarrassed after his comment, but managed to laugh it off. "I guess that's good."

"It is," he immediately reassures you. "Let's get you home now, okay?"

"Oh, you don't have to go with me. You can't leave your own birthday party. It's okay, I got it."

"I want to make sure you get home safe. It's fine."

"Tommy, please. You should stay and have fun."

"I won't have fun if I'm worrying about you all night."

"I can take her," you suddenly hear Joel's voice behind you, which immediately made you roll your eyes because you really didn't want him around. He noticed the gesture but didn't seem to care about it in the slightest, putting on his jacket. "I was heading out anyway."

Tommy couldn't have known you really didn't want to be around his older brother, completely unaware of your history with him. Perhaps if you told him, he'll insist on going with you or find someone else that could walk you home. But you never told him what happened, so you're stuck with Joel. "Okay, great. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Thank you for coming," he says, allowing the two of you to leave.

The first few minutes outside in the snow have got to be the most awkward minutes of your entire life.

You tried not to stumble despite still being a bit drunk, not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of him. You're mad that he's here with you and you can't stand being alone with him.

"Did you have fun tonight?"

Oh, and of course he had to open his mouth. Because when has Joel ever done what you want him to do? It seems like he'll always do exactly the opposite of what you expect from him.

"Yes," was all you said.

"Just yes?" he tried again.

"Yes."

You heard him sigh. "So, no talking?"

"I'd really like that, actually."

The tone of your voice would've been enough to make him shut up for the entire walk. Even he seemed to be a little taken aback by the honesty of your answer because you could feel him staring at you for longer than usual before he focused on his boots as they left marks on the snow.

He didn't ask what was wrong because deep down he must've known. He can't not know. And in that drunken state you allowed yourself to be pity as you wished that he thinks about it every single day. That it tortures him. That he despises himself for breaking your heart and not doing something to make it right. That he looks back on it and hopes that he could go back.

But does he? Does he actually think about it every single day? Does he regret what happened? And if he does, why is he not trying to say he's sorry? Does he even want to say something at all?

It was almost as if the alcohol betrayed you. Or maybe it was your head that just allowed every barrier you have built these past few weeks to crumble down. Not caring turned into caring way too much and it was like you couldn't stop thinking about a hundred questions without being able to find a single answer to any of them.

Joel turns to look at you once again when he notices you stopped walking. Your head is spinning as more and more questions fill up your mind and you get frustrated because you know there's only one person who has all the answers.

Should you say something? Should you make a fool of yourself once again? It shouldn't be you. Why is he not doing something? How come you're the one who has to speak up about this? It's not fair.

But it was late, cold and you were just so drunk. And you know that no matter how much you try to move on, you'll never be truly okay until you hear an explanation as to why he broke your heart in such a vicious way. Even if he lies or tries to sugarcoat it, you deserve even the tiniest of explanations.

"Is everything okay?" he eventually asks, which only frustrates you more.

"Do you ever think about that night?" you let out almost immediately after, feeling the way your heart was beating faster than ever. As fast as the time you confessed your love for him.

He was quiet, so you decided to continue. "Do you ever wish you could go back and change the way it ended? Does...does it ever cross your mind or you seriously don't care?"

After those questions, Joel seemed to finally react. "Are we seriously doing this now?"

"If not now, when? You were clearly not going to say anything," you accused him, leaving him completely defenseless because he was very much avoiding ever bringing this up and you just called him out on it. "I just need to know why, Joel."

"I don't- let's get you home, okay?"

"Stop doing that! Stop trying to avoid this!" you exclaimed with obvious exasperation, feeling the corner of your eyes burning due to the tears that would surely roll down your cheeks at any point. "I was in love with you and you weren't decent enough to at least tell me you didn't feel the same way! Don't you think I deserved at least that?"

"We can talk about this tomorrow..."

"No, fuck that. I waited long enough," you quickly interrupted. "I was so patient with you. I gave you your space when you said you weren't sure about us, I respected your decision of being discreet in front of Ellie, I stood up for you countless of times when I shouldn't have. I did so much for you and you can't even look me in the eye and give me an explanation!"

"It's not-"

"You've got to be the biggest asshole I've ever met. And you know what's the worst part of this? That I'm still expecting shit from you. I still hope that you'll say you're sorry for breaking my heart and acting like you never did something wrong. I'm so fucking stupid to believe that you actually-"

"I was afraid!" he practically shouted, hoping that would stop your rambling. It seemed to work, because you were silent as soon as he said that. "There. Are you happy?"

"Don't put this on me," you immediately snap back.

Joel sighs yet again and takes a second to calm down, knowing that if he gets defensive this will end much worse. It's time to accept he fucked up and stop trying to act like he didn't.

"I'm sorry," he finally said. "For this and for what I said that night. I should've been honest with you."

Now it was you the one who was silent, taken aback by his reaction. Usually, he'll try to come on top by creating any type of argument until he's able to get the last word. An actual apology was definitely not something you were expecting.

"I don't like people. I keep my distance and everyone else stay away from me in return. I like distance," he explains. "But then you came along and it was impossible to stay away. No matter how hard I tried, I'd always come back to you. I started to need you and it was scary because I should be keeping my distance."

Silence. Absolute silence. You were surprised to hear him being so honest with you, but you were also feeling a bit nostalgic because deep down you missed being the person Joel would go to when he needed someone to talk to. Even when it was difficult for him to open up, he always tried his best to rely on you whenever he needed it. Needless to say, it made you feel very special.

"When you said you loved me I didn't know what to do. It felt so...definitive. Because I knew that deep down I was falling for you too and if I said something that'd mean I'd never be able to let you go. And it was so scary to think of giving in to that feeling because...because I couldn't allow myself to care again."

You knew exactly what he meant by that. His daughter is not a topic he particularly enjoys bringing up, but you've heard a few things about her. And honestly, you couldn't really blame him for being scared. Despite all these years, losing his kid in the way he did has got to be the worst pain he'll ever experience. Of course he'll want to run away in the opposite direction when he starts seeing the similarities.

It doesn't excuse the fact that he avoided you, but you would never pretend like his feelings weren't valid.

He was scared of loving you because with love comes the inevitable attachment to that person forever. You care so deeply, the mere idea of ever losing that person shatters your world completely. And he knows what that loss feels like. He couldn't experience that again.

"Besides, you know me. You know I'm a mess. I couldn't let you ruin your life by loving me, because I'd just let you down- which I did, so I was right. So instead of saying something, I just said what I thought would help to make you not love me anymore. If I couldn't keep my distance, I had to do something so you'll want to stay away from me."

Once again, Joel was doing exactly the opposite of what you expected. He poured his heart out to you, sounding so honest and vulnerable. You've only heard him being this sincere whenever he would mention Sarah or that one time when you both stayed up talking in depth about your relationship with Ellie.

Tears started to roll down your cheeks as predicted as you stared at him. You don't know whether to hug him or punch him at this point.

"You're such an asshole," was all you could say.

The comment made him chuckle, but it was evident he was holding back his own tears. "I know."

"But that's exactly why I loved you. I know what you've been through, I knew you were a challenge and I was willing to work on it for as long as it would take us. The decision of whether I wanted to love you or not was never yours to make."

"I was trying to save you from having to deal with me."

"What if I didn't want to be saved?"

"Well, I think it's already too late for that," he replied. There was another pause that encouraged him to ask, "Is it? Too late?"

"I don't know," you replied. It was the truth.

"I can work with I don't know."

"What does that mean?" you asked curiously, wiping your tears away.

"It means I'm willing to make it right this time," he replied. "If you let me."

You frowned just a little, failing to hold back the smile that appeared on your face just seconds later. "You know you'll have to really try if you want to fix this, right?"

"I know. It's okay. You're worth it."

So far, so good, you thought.

"This means no more hiding, no more trying to push me away, talking about your feelings..."

"I can handle it."

"Can you?" you asked in a much more serious tone. It sucked not being able to fully trust his word, but you both know you had your reasons not to. "I just don't want to get my hopes up again over nothing."

You watched as Joel took a step closer to you, reaching out to grab one of your hands. He examines your face, making sure you're okay with him touching you before he brings it up to his lips, gently kissing your knuckles. "I promise you this time will be different," he says, and he's looking at you with so much affection, it's impossible not to trust him.

[starrystormwritings]

Kiss With a Fist

Kiss With a Fist

Master List <3 Request List <3 Marauders Master List

Sirius Black x Reader

A/n: I know I promised a Taylor Swift song fic for Sirius but I couldn't pick a song so instead this (especially the start) is inspired by Kiss With a Fist by Florence and the Machine instead even though the lyrics aren't actually used, just wanted to actually post something tbh.

Summary: You've always hated Sirius Black, so being stuck in detention with him is the worst possible scenario.

Warnings: Badly written arguments, swearing, drinking, weed, no smut but making out, once again bad writing lol, female pronouns but undescribed Hogwarts house.

Word Count: 2787

(NOT MT GIF)

"I can't believe you right now." I said with a huff, wiping down the walls of the potion classroom that were stained pink because of none other than the dark haired boy who was scrubbing the floor next to me.

"Oh pipe down L/n I saw you laughing." He chuckled to himself confidently causing me to flick some water from my hand onto him.

The self proclaimed genius had unfortunately been partnered with me for our potions assignment this afternoon and as easy as a wiggenweld potion normally is to brew Sirius thought it was be funny too add a handful of stolen ingredients to the cauldron whilst my back was turned. Resulting in a large explosion of a pink foam that now stained half of the classroom.

Of course Slughorn didn't believe I had nothing to do with it, but luckily enough he thought one detention of cleaning up the mess the muggle way would be enough punishment.

"I did not laugh, I should be in the library right now but instead I'm stuck in here with you cleaning a mess I didn't even cause!" I scrubbed the walls harder with frustration as I spoke, his cockiness was getting to me.

"Merlin it's not that big of a deal! It was funny!" He rolled his eyes at me as I gave him a look of disbelief.

Of course he still managed to look effortless whilst cleaning floors, his long hair had been scraped back into a bun, bits of hair falling out to frame his face and neck, occasionally dropping in front of his eyes. He had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and both of our robes and ties had been thrown over a chair to keep them out of the way.

The cocky smile finally dropped from his face as he threw the sponge onto the floor in frustration "These stains are never going to come out without magic, nothings happening! How have you gotten rid of so much of it already?"

I scoffed at him for what felt like the hundredth time that day before stepping down from the step ladder I was on to work on a bit of the wall lower down.

"You have to actually put it a bit of effort, actually scrub it rather than doing a half assed job, like always." Sirius had always irked me since we started at Hogwarts, his careless attitude and lack of effort always bugged me. He could so easily be top of our classes if he tried but instead he just goofed off whilst some of us have to put in actual effort.

"Hey what's your problem with me, your good enough friends with Remus and Peter why do you seem to hate me so much?"

I could hear that he had stood up but instead of turning around to face him I just continued to clean the wall.

"Probably because you're a posh prat who doesn't care about his actions and how they affect other people."

He just laughed at me which pissed me off more, causing me to grip the sponge in my hand so hard the bubbles started running down my arm rather than the wall.

"What's so funny?" I asked whilst spinning around to face him, his slouched posture and casual lean against the table behind him causing me to clench my jaw.

"You. I'm sorry we can't all be perfect like you but at least I've got some personality."

It was my turn to laugh now as I crossed my arms, shaking my head at him.

"Oh I have no personality? Because the bad boy with a dark mysterious past that he hides behind jokes and his hair is so original?"

"You don't know anything about my dark mysterious past. At least I'm willing to have fun rather than just hiding in the library all day, there's a reason only one of us has friends." He dropped his rag on the floor, obviously having enough of cleaning now and just enjoying annoying me.

"You don't have friends, you have James and a group of adoring fans who wouldn't like you if they didn't find you hot. And not all of us have the luxury of having fun, I can't get through my exams with a charming smile unlike some people."

"Aw, you think my smiles charming." He sat up now, his height made him tower over me which just seemed to piss me off more.

"No I think you're a spoiled git who's had everything handed to him in life and refuses to see that the world doesn't revolve around him. I'd rather jump off the astronomy tower than spend another second with you and I can't wait for the day when you find out that flashing a smile won't get you out of everything!"

I didn't even realise I'd been marching towards him till my finger jabbed directly into his chest.

He scowled down at me, gripping my wrist with his hand to take it off him.

"And I think that you're a stuck up princess who needs to realise that until you get that stick out of your ass you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life!"

I looked up at him angrily, my hands were shaking with how furious I was and my skin felt like it was burning from where his hand was still holding my wrist.

He mirrored the look on my face before glancing down at my lips for a brief second, before I could comprehend what was happening he lent down and pushed his lips to mine.

It wasn't a gentle kiss, or loving in the slightest. It was harsh and spiteful, his teeth clashed against mine as his hand came up to hold my jaw, backing me up against the bit of wall I had just cleaned.

I dropped the sponge I was holding and let my hand grip onto his hair, covering it in the bubbles that were still running down my arm.

I scrambled to pull him closer to me by his neck as his hand let go of my wrist and instead moved to the bottom of my skirt as he let in to deepen the kiss.

"Sirius? You in the mate?" The familiar voice of James Potter called from the doorway of the room, luckily out of view from where we were.

We both jumped away from each other, turning around to make it look like I was heavily interested in the cleaning again.

I quickly yanked my skirt back down as Sirius attempted to fix his hair and straighten his shirt before the Potter boy had turned the corner.

"Yeah Slughorn has us on clean up duty." He says whilst clearing his throat and chuckling a little.

"Yeah Mary told us what you did thought we'd come give you guys a hand so you might still make it to dinner." Remus said as he approached as well, picking up a rag from the table and heading over to help me.

~~~

I stared at the little piece of parchment in my hand, biting the inside of my cheek as I thought out my options.

Me and Sirius hadn't spoken since the afternoon in potions, luckily with the help of James, Remus and Peter we had finished up in less than an hour and I quickly rushed out and had been avoiding the marauders like the plague since.

Remus had just caught me in the library and handed me the invite that I was now inspecting.

'The marauders invite you to the party of the century (bring your own Fire Whiskey or Witches Brew)'

The piece of parchment was enchanted to have little moving images of fireworks and music notes dancing around the page and the Gryffindoor common room password was printed small on the bottom for anyone who wasn't already in the house.

The Gryffindor parties had become like legend in the school over the past two years, but I had still yet to go to one and now that Christmas break was fast approaching and there was no exams for a while it might be nice to let loose a little.

Luckily I knew exactly where to go to for fire whisky and some less approved plants that were grown in the back of the greenhouse.

~~~

After talking to some Ravenclaw friends who sold me the fire whisky I'd decided I might as well go to the party.

Worse case scenario it sucks and it's awkward and I go to bed early.

Best case scenario I have a great time and get drunk and possibly make a good memory or two.

I'd spent longer than I'd like to admit on getting ready and after a nervous dinner I'd met with Lily Evans to go to the party together.

"I'm so glad you're coming this time! I know as a prefect I shouldn't be really letting this happen but there always so fun, just try and avoid being one of the ones put into detention afterwards, luckily James usually volunteers to take the fall. Of course he's then followed by Sirius, Remus and Peter but usually once they get in trouble the rest of us get let off easily."

She said whilst beaming, her crush on James Potter was hardly subtle anymore.

"Yeah I'm glad I'm going as well, better than spending all night in my dorm, nice to see everyone out side of class and the library."

"You work to hard sometimes you know? You a talented witch Y/n you can take a break now and then."

She uttered the password to the fat lady and our conversation was cut off by the loud music of David Bowie that was playing over an enchanted speaker. Lily smiled as she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the common room and towards Mary and Marline.

After some talking, dancing and drinking the girls dispersed over the room to talk to other friends leaving me sat on the window sill with my glass of fire whisky, very buzzed.

"Is this seat taken?" A boy I recognised from Herbology asked with a smile.

I shook my head and moved up to make space for the Hufflepuff boy to slot himself in next to me.

"I don't know if we've met properly, I'm Michael we've got Herbology together."

I nodded with a smile as I looked at him for a second. He was cute. He was obviously nervous and blushing and he'd clearly been running his hands through his curly light brown hair since it looked more messy and out of place than the rest of him.

"Yeah I know, I'm Y/n. Having fun?"

"Yeah I am thank you, it's a great atmosphere in here and I just didn't want to leave such a pretty girl like you sat over here all by yourself." He chuckled lightly to himself as he looked away, unable to hold eye contact with me.

He chucked differently to Sirius, instead of sounding confident and self assured it was more shy and sweet. He didn't look anything like Sirius either, Michael was cute with pink cheeks and fluffy hair. Sirius was hot with a cocky personality and looked as if he was carved out of stone.

Micheal continued to chat my ear off with Herbology facts and compliments but he could never seem to build up the confidence to look me in the eyes.

I couldn't help but let my eyes wander across the room as I smiled at the sight of my friends dancing stupidly to an ABBA song that was making Remus pretend to plug his ears.

As I looked over to the other side of the room I finally spot Sirius who was leaning against the wall with a cup in his hand staring directly at me.

I quickly looked away back at Micheal but not before noticing Sirius stand up from the wall and head towards me.

"Yeah so that's why without Herbology potions would be completely useless, so basically half of the magical abilities we have would be completely worthless without-"

"Mind if I borrow her for a second?" Sirius says from behind my shoulder, causing me to take a big sip from my cup.

"Oh uh yeah of course, I'll see you in class." Micheal said to me with a big smile, finally meeting my eyes before scurrying off into the crowd.

"Wanna get some fresh air for a second?" Sirius asked, offering his hand to help me up.

"Why would I go anywhere with you?"

"Because I'll talk to you about something other than just Herbology." He said with a laugh.

I looked up at him for a second debating my options, maybe it's the whiskey or the fact that he was genuinely smiling at me but I took his hand and followed him out to the courtyard.

We walked in a comfortable silence, both of us finishing our drinks before he picked a bench to sit on.

December would be here soon and it was obvious by the fact that I could see my breath in front of me.

He wordlessly shook off his jacket and handed it to me.

I just looked at him dumbfounded for a second before he sighed and shook his head.

"Your shivering idiot. See I don't only think of myself, just put the damn jacket on."

I looked at him for another second before sliding my arms through the jacket and pulling it closer to me, it smelt like sandalwood, cigarettes and mint.

"You smoke?" He asked while taking the blunt from behind his ear and lighting it with the end of his wand.

"Sometimes." I said and he chuckled before inhaling and passing it over to me.

"So why'd you ask me to come out here?" I put the blunt in between my lips before inhaling, letting the smoke warm my throat and lungs before tilting my head back against the wall and exhaling, I looked over at him to see him already staring at me and gesturing for me to give the blunt back.

"Maybe I'm drunk but I wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah you're definitely drunk."

He laughed and shook his head, taking another hit.

"What you said the other days been bothering me."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, "My words had an effect of the all mighty Sirius Black? Oh my." We both laughed as I lent over to take the blunt from his fingers and bring it to my lips again.

"Yeah your words, along with other things. Do people really think that of me? That I'm just a privileged twat with a confidence program?" He lent back against the wall, using his fingers to comb through his hair.

"You want to know the truth?" I asked with a small smile, a mix of booze and weed making me more confident than I should be.

He nodded, taking the blunt from my hand.

"I was jealous, and annoyed. You're just amazing at everything so easily and I feel like I have to work so hard. And you just waltz in with your effortless smile and pretty face and everything just comes to you."

He laughed again and turned to look at me, taking a last long inhale before stubbing out the blunt onto the floor.

"It's not effortless, you don't know half of it."

"I'd like to."

He lent over to move some hair from my face and tuck it gently behind my ear, letting his hand linger for a second.

"Maybe you will. I don't think your stuck up by the way, I think your brilliant. You drive Remus mad because of your grades which is saying something."

It was my turn to laugh now, "yeah I wish."

"No really you do. I'm sorry for what I did in potions by the way."

"It's fine it didn't take long to clean."

"No not that. The other thing I did in potions." He bit his lip for a second and I could've sworn he wasn't sat that close to me before.

"Oh that? It's fine it's not like I pushed you away." I awkwardly looked forward towards the view in front of us, suddenly very interested in the frozen spiderwebs in the corner.

"Would you care if I did it again? Just out of curiosity." I looked over at him to see that famous Sirius Black smile.

I laughed a little and allowed myself to move closer to him.

"Well there's only one way for you to find out isn't there?"

He laughed again, his finger tracing the bottom of my jaw softly.

He looked at me for a second before leaning in to push his lips against mine again.

There was less rush this time, his touch was softer and gentle. Maybe it was the taste of whiskey and weed coming from him but it was intoxicating.

He pulled away for a second, resting his forehead against mine.

"You called my face pretty." He whispered with a breathless laugh.

"Well you called me brilliant."

He shrugged for a second before I pulled him against me again, tangling my hand into his hair with a smile.

[loislane41319]

The way you are.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x reader

Wordcount: 2064

Summary: You joined intelligence three months ago as their tech consultant. You've had a crush on Jay since the moment you met and so has he, you just haven't told each other. But, that just might chance when you decide to get a new look.

Warnings: None. I haven't been kind to Adam though...

Note: First and foremost: one of my best friends has helped my out with the plot, so big thanks to her! The story hasn't turned out exactly as I had planned, but I am satisfied with the result. Let me know if you have any feedback!

Also, the reader has glasses, just because main characters usually don't and it fit the story really well. And finally, I've gotten some inspiration from Morgan and Garcia from Criminal Minds, for those like to know.

Story:

Your heart was pounding as you walked towards your desk in the bullpen. You had started working with the intelligence unit in Chicago just three months ago and you loved it. It felt great knowing you helped put criminals behind bars, even though you did it from behind a computer. Your new colleagues had become your family. Kevin had become the brother you always wanted, Hailey and Kim had become two of your best friends and you had even grown fond of Adam, though his flirting sometimes got close to crossing the line. And then there was Jay. It had taken you less than a week to develop a major crush on the tall, muscular soldier, and who could blame you? The man looked like a dream and had a brain like very few others. Unfortunately, you were pretty sure your feelings weren’t reciprocated. Jay had barely looked at you since you started working in intelligence, let alone talked to you. It hurt and no matter how hard you tried to push away your feelings, they just kept popping up. You had tried to talk to Jay, but it was hard, taking the first step, when the object of you affection seemed to want nothing to do with you. On top of that you had never really been a people person, so you decided to just let it be.

Over the last two months you had seen a small part of the man behind the ocean green eyes and the smooth, freckled skin. You noticed how he interacted with his colleagues in the unit, how he tried to make them laugh when he could, tried to protect them if he needed to and cared about them like they were his brothers and sisters. During the nights you accompanied the unit to Molly’s, you noticed the way he treated the first responders he had crossed paths with and people he had never met with the same care and kindness he treated his closest friends. You just wished he would care about you that way.

The only people in the unit who suspected you of having feelings towards the green eyed detective were Kim and Hailey, but you hadn’t admitted anything to them.

There was one person you had admitted it to though. Your sister was one of those people who got overly exited about everything and when you told her you had a crush on one of your colleagues, she looked like she was about to burst out of her skin. You, of course, tried to calm her down by telling her nothing was ever going to happen between you and Jay, but the damage had already been done. If you had let her, your sister would’ve already started planning your and Jay’s wedding, but at that point you had reached your limit and threatened to leave if she didn’t calm down. The rest of the night, the two of you talked about everything but Jay and it was great. Though your sister wouldn’t be herself if, right before you left, she hadn’t offered you give you a fresh, new look to see if that could possibly attract Jay’s attention. Because, while she could be a lot at times, she deeply cared about you and from what you had told her, you deserved someone as good as Jay by your side.

A week ago you had decided you were done pining over Jay, since all it had brought you so far was pain and so, for the past week, you had ignored him, only talking to him if you had to. You needed a fresh start, so you had taken up your sister on her offer to give you a make over, or, in her words, a fresh, new look. That was the reason that your palms were sweating and your heart was trying to hack its way out of your chest. You had exchanged your usual jeans and flannel for an olive green power suit. You wore your hair down instead of in its usual pony tail and even the pair of rose gold glasses you had worn for years had been replaced by a set of contact lenses.

You couldn’t believe you had given your sister permission to do this. The fabric of the power suit itched, your lenses wouldn’t stay in place and the whole outfit made you feel like a pumpkin in a field of spinach. You couldn’t wait to get home and change.

“Hey, Y/N, you look great!” Hailey said. You mumbled a thanks. Kevin whistled and Adam couldn’t help himself: “Ooh, Y/N, looking smoking!” If they hadn’t noticed you were blushing before, they damn sure would now. You felt like your skin was about to melt off your cheeks. You thanked your colleagues for their complements and hid behind your desk in your pile of paperwork as fast as you could.

That morning a new case had come up. The body of a teenager had been found at a waste disposal site. It had become your job to dig into his online world to see if it had anything to do with the reason he had ended up dead. You knew you shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help relating to the victim more and more as you learned more about him. He was a loner in High School, you had been one years ago. He was more comfortable in his online world than his real one, like you. He was a hacker, so were you. At some point, it felt like you were becoming friends with him, even though you would never actually meet him.

A few hours later sergeant Voight came out of his office. “What do we have?” He asked no one and everyone at once. As your colleagues started rambling about everything they’d found, you just stared at the picture on the board. What if that had been you? What if, one day, you hadn’t come home, only for the cops to call your parents and tell them your body had been found? You felt nauseous just thinking about it, though focusing your mind on something that wasn’t yourself or your new look was kind of comforting. You had been on edge all morning because of it and you knew it wouldn’t take much for you to reach your limit.

Suddenly something Jay said, pulled you back to the conversation in front of you. “Why are cases involving hackers always so difficult?” He asked Hailey. “What do you mean?” The blonde asked in return. “Well, normal kids talk to each other. You just have to talk to their friends to get a bunch of leads. Hackers, like this guy, hide everything, so we have to waste a bunch of time looking for leads, before we can actually start investigating.”

The sound of your desk chair hitting the wall got five heads turning your way. You didn’t pay any attention to them and just left.

Jay’s words kept bouncing around in your skull as the tears that had been building up inside you finally found their way to the surface. You walked into the locker room as fast as you could. You made sure the door closed behind you before walking to your locker and taking the little box and bottle of solution for your contacts out.

A few minutes later you heard the door of the locker room opening. Not now, you thought. You were seated on one of the benches, one contact in the box, the other in your eye. Your cheeks were still wet from your tears and you didn’t doubt you had mascara streaks under your eyes. Needless to say, you didn’t exactly look very charming.

Part of you expected it to be either Kim or Hailey, but when you noticed the boots the person was wearing, it became clear it was neither. You looked up. Right into the eyes of the last person you expected to see. “What are you doing here?” You asked, your gaze returning to the stuff in front of you. “I came to check on you. You just flew out of the bullpen faster than Usain Bolt on one of his best days. What happened?” Jay asked as he sat down next to you. “Nothing, I’m fine, you go and… Why won’t these stupid contacts stay in their place?” You groaned. “Take them out.” Jay said, a soft smile on his face. You did as he said. He stood up and walked over to your locker. Returning with the case that contained your glasses, only you couldn’t see that, having taken out your contacts and put them in the box. Jay carefully placed your metal framed glasses on your nose and handed you a tissue. “There she is. Now, what’s gotten you so upset?” Jay asked. You slightly adjusted your glasses and wiped the tear- and mascara streaks off your face. You took a deep breath and let out everything you’d kept from him for the last two months. “Honestly? You are. You’ve barely said a word to me since I started working here and that sucks because you’re also the guy I’ve had a crush on for two months, but obviously you don’t want anything to do with me, so I figured I should get over it so I let my sister give me a new look, but I’ve never worn anything this itchy, these contacts suck and my hair won’t get out of my face. And on top of that what you just said about hackers isn’t true. We are normal, we have friends and once you get to know one of us, our hiding places become obvious.” You were out of breath when you stopped talking, scared to look into Jay’s beautiful green eyes. “I am so sorry. You’re right, I didn’t mean it that way. Calling them “normal kids” was a bad choice of words and I’m sure hackers have friends too. But you know I wasn’t talking about you right? I was talking about the kid whose murder we’re investigating. You’re not him.” Jay told you. “I know, I just used to be a lot like him in High School, but I guess, for me, that’s a long time ago and I’m not that little girl anymore.” You said, realising you may have overreacted a bit. “Yeah, and you’re still here. He’s not. And as for why I didn’t really talk to you, I’ve had a crush on you from the moment you walked into the bullpen. I just got terrified I’d screw things up if I opened my mouth, so I tried to show you how I felt by getting you coffee or cleaning your desk. Hell, I’ve been doing the cleaning lady’s job for her for the past three months.” Jay confessed. Suddenly a bunch of puzzle pieces fell into place. You had found a hot cup of coffee on your desk everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, but somehow never wondered who put it there. You had even noticed your workspace sometimes looked cleaner than the others, but you just figured the cleaning lady started with your desk and therefore had less energy when she reached the others.

Jay’s voice was still bouncing around your skull, only now saying the words: I’ve had a crush on you. You couldn’t think rationally anymore so you did the only thing you could think of. You kissed him. As your hands found their way into his hair, his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer. You pulled back when you heard the bottle of contact solution fall on the ground. Jay let go of you and picked it up. You felt a shiver run down your spine. Had it been this cold this entire time? Jay looked at you and then noticed your jacket. It was discarded on the ground in front of your locker. He stood up and seconds later you felt a piece of fabric covering your shoulders. It was a flannel. It was his flannel. He sat back in front of you and cupped your face, looking into your eyes. “And Y/N, while you did look incredibly hot in that power suit, you look just as good in jeans and even in a garbage bag for all I care. You are beautiful, just the way you are.”