#we are the hardest working soldiers for the hardest working streamer

[jrueships]

THE SAUCE SOLDIERS HAVE FOUND HIS SPECIAL SAUCE BLUE LIGHT GLASSES !!!!

[nevermore-the-kitsune]

Pokemon Teams for Fictional Characters pt. 2

Damian Wayne

(Also, I'm not including move sets because in my headcannon Pokemon do remember all their old moves. But humans choose to only use four)

For this AU I'm having the Wayne's own the Gotham City Gym, which specializes in Dark types. Most of the cannon events still happened. Just with a few tweaks here and there. (Dick's 20, Jason's 16, Cass is 15 Tim's 15 but younger than Cass and Damian's 13 because I love AUs where there closer in age).

Anyway here we go!

First things first in the Pokemon Universe his alias wouldn't be Robin since they don't exist. Instead I think it would be Rookidee, since thats the closest Pokemon to a Robin.

His Partner Pokemon and ace would be a Gligar

Name: Goliath

Gender: Male

Why: Gligar screams Goliath (his Batdragon) plus the coloring of his evolutions matches with Dami's Robin and Batman outfits

Story: He found Goliath while climbing a mountain for his training. At the time he was four and Goliath was a hatching. Damian ended up giving him some food, seeing that the hatching was hungry.

Grateful, the Gligar followed him hoping to return the favor.

When Damian's hand got broken on that same trip, Goliath was the one to help him finish his mission and get home safely.

Talia was impressed that Damian could tame a wild Pokemon without catching it, so she allowed him to keep him as his first Pokemon.

-----

Next he would have a Meowth

Name: Alfred

Gender: Female

Why: This one has to do with its evolution. Persian are said to only be loyal to trainers it likes and that it takes a lot to get them to like you. Their also said to be prissy and uptight. This reminded me of Damian. How it took forever for him to trust his brothers and his own snobby attitude. Thus I think it fits.

Story: After coming to live with his father Damian didn't know how to act. He saw his "brothers" and father treating their Pokemon so different than how the League did. They all trained hard. But, there was something eles: warm praise for a job well done, asking for insight on a case (they had taught their bipedal pokemon sighn language) and comfort on a bad day. His father and brothers treated their Pokemon like... people

In the League Pokemon where the lowest soldier, lower than the slaves or concubines. They trained, ate then they had to and got in their ball.

He had been a little more lenient in his training with Goliath. When asked he said that he was still a baby and he had to take things slow in this stage or he might develop too much muscle mass and be unable to fly.

He had kept him out of his ball with the excuse of developing muscle mass at a proper pace.

He liked Goliath's company. The Gligar was a good companion. But on the same level as another person?

He had expressed these thoughts to Pennyworth, the only person in the house to give him a straight answer when he needed it.

Pennyworth had explained to him that some people love to hold power over others and that Pokemon where an easy target, since they couldn't communicate their emotions as clearly as people could.

"Think of Mistress Cain. She sometimes cannot communicate with words, but we know that she's intelligent. But some people see her as less than intelligent and treat her as such because of the power it gives them."

Two weeks later Damian would come across a group of teenagers attempting to shave a Meowth. The Pokemon was little more than skin and bone and crying out on pain. So, Damian broke their fingers and shaved part of their heads for good measure.

He kept the Meowth and named her after the man who taught him about the abuse of power.

---

Next, a Poochyena

Name: Titus

Gender: Male

Why: These Pokemon and their evolution are ruthless with their pray, and only obey trainers with external skill.

Story: Raven gave Damian Titus as a gift. She said that she rescued him from an underground fighting ring (where the battles are to the death). He was still to young to battle so he didn't need much rehabilitation. The other Pokemon there though...

---

Now we have a Type Null

Name: Heretic

Gender: ???

Why: This Pokemon was created in lab, and artificial designed for the purpose of fighting, just like Damian. True I could have given him Mewtwo, but that cat seems to fit Kon more.

Story: Damian's mother had spent years creating Type: Null with the purpose of being able to kill any target. As a last test she wanted to see which of her creations was suppirrior. So she sent the Type Null out to (try and) kill her son.

Damian, with the rest of his team, beat the Pokemon but couldn't kill it. He had long since vowed to wash the blood from his hands. Instead he offered his hand to it and asked it to join him.

---

Here we have the hardest to explain... Mimikyu

Name: Habibi (I hope I spelled that right)

Gender: Female

Why: Damian is complex, he wants to be accepted and loved just like Mimikyu but dosent know how. Both try to mimic others in order to get that love, Damian his father and Mimikyu Pikachu. So I see this as Damian's spirit Pokemon in a way.

Story: He didn't know why it was so hard to fit in. Gods know he tried. But... little things confused him. Like how eveyone could understand each other without words or singhing. He had no problems with that on a battlefield, but in day to day life; it felt like he was on a separate server.

Like how Todd knew at breakfast with just a look that Drake was in a bad mood and how to help. Or how Grayson could audomadicly tell what kind of day at school the rest of them had withen a few minutes. Hell even Drake could tell what grunts ment what from father! Which ment good job, Which ment I'm glade your okay, or frustration either at them or at a case (Cass didn't surprise him, she had to learn how to communicate without words and watch body language and micro expressions).

School was no better; sometimes it was to load or bright othertimes, when everyone was doing a test, it felt to quiet. But, to much or to little, Damian was always aware of every movement, every sound. It was like the very instincts that saved his life every night where turned against him.

He turned to his nearly forgotten childhood habits to distract himself from everything around him. That only led to more whisper shouting and what even he could tell where displeased glares with a grunt of "fucking tapping" or a snap of "stop!" He knew it was disrupting but it was all be could do to drown out the noise or silence.

On one particularly bad day at school; apparently during one of their tests one of his classmates had had enough of Damian's tapping and decided to make a scene.

There was some yelling from the kid. A few cries in agreement. Before the teacher had gotten hem to settle down. He had demanded that Damian look him in the eye and when he finally did told him to stop with the tapping or else he would be sent to the office, Gym Leaders son or not.

He was the last to finish that test where he normally finished first. The silence had been to load!!

After that clusterfuck Damian finally headed home. He had texted Grayson saying that he was meeting a friend somewhere to work on a project and to not pick him up. In truth he didn't want his brother reading what kind of day he had had. He needed some time to himself.

That was how he found himself in a nearby park. It was filled with plenty of sounds that didn't suffocate him and the fall leaves where soothing to his eyes. Damian had Titus out of his ball as company, knowing that the pup loved park walks.

They had been walking for an hour when they came across a box set off just on the edge of the trail. "Free to Good Homes" was written on the side in black sharpie.

No sound was coming from inside, so he assumed that the had all been taken. Until Titus went closer sniffing at the seemingly empty box.

"Pooch Pooch"

"Hmmm... what is is it boy?" He asked as he walked closer to his Pokemon and the Box. Damian hoped he was wrong. It was cruel to leave a baby Pokemon all alone, especially since the weather was getting colder by the day.

Inside the box was in fact a lone Pokemon. At first glance it looked like a Pikachu. But something was off. It looked more like a doll than a living creature. If it wasn't for the small chirps it let out and slight way that it was shivering from the cold Damian would have written it off as a toy. No wonder it got left behind...

Damian reached down and picked up the mystery Pokemon as gently as he could.

"Come on beloved, lets go home."

He tucked the Pokemon in his jacket to warm it up before reaching for his phone to call Grayson for a ride home.

That night Damian locked himself away, even skipped patrol, and spent a sleepless night learning everything he could about his newest Pokemon.

---

That was inspired by this comic

---

Finaly, for his last spot Eevee!!

Name: Omni

Gender: Female

Why: I'm going to have all the Batfam members have an Eeveelution. This branch and the Batfam are both growing consistently. We all have our favorites but we love them all the same. So I think it fits.

Story: Everyone in the family had an Eevee or one of its evolutions. Damian's Father said that Eevee was the Wayne family symbol, it was potential, the ability to become whatever you wanted.

Though it surprised Damian that the Wayne symbol wasn't a Noibat or Noivern (Batman's ace) at first he eventually understood the logic in choosing such a Pokemon to represent the family name. That only made things harder for him being the only one not having one. Did they not truly see him as family?

On the one year anniversary of Damian arriving at The Mannor, his family through a small party. Pennyworth made his favorite foods, The Mannor was decorated in tacky streamers (Graysons' idea) and they watched some of Damian's favorite fims, their Pokemon curled up with them. His father had offered to take the day off from the gym. Until Todd suggested that Damian take on the challengers.

The Gotham gym was part of his heritage. Damian had been training for the day that he could finally help weed out the weak challengers just like his siblings sometimes did (think the battles you do before challenging a gym leader in the games).

On that day, if the challengers agreed to it, their final battle wasn't with Bruce Wayne the Dark Knight but instead his son. Most accepted thinking that it would be an easy win, that they had lucked out in not having to battle one of the stongest Gym Leaders in the League and could still get the Shadow Badge.

Those poor fools.

Damian was only allowed to use Alfred, Titus and Habibi since he used Goliath and Heretic primarily as Rookidee.

Damian fought seven trainers that day in 3v3 fights. Only two of them got the badge.

With the day overwith and the night rising, so did Gothams' protecters.

The night ended with exhausted body's and adrenaline crashes. Damian was ready to slip into a mini coma from the day he had but before he could head upstairs to The Mannor...

"Not so fast baby bat." Graysons' voice called out to him. "We got one more surprise for you."

Damian raised his eyebrow at that. What else could they do? His father came back from the locker rooms where he had been desuiting, it always took him the longest because of his "old man bones" as Todd said.

"Son," his father said "its Wayne tradition to get your first Pokemon when you turn ten years old. I missed that with you." He paused, eyes briefly shifting to the floor before they snapped back on Damian's face. "Luckily there's one tradition we didn't miss. When you've lived at The Mannor for a year or the adoption papers get finalized, I give my children this..."

He pulled a Poke'ball out of his poket and handed to Damian. "Go on son, let them out."

He did

Staring at him was his own Eevee.

---

AN: All of Damian's Pokemon (sans maybe Omni, I'm thinking of leaving her as an Eevee) will eventually evolve. Eventually.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love Is Not Forced ~ 14

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,600ish

Summary: The Princess begins her travels to the different kingdoms. Starting with Asgard.

The next two days were all a whirlwind of activity. Upon hearing that King Steven had left to go prepare Brooklyn for the Princess’ arrival, the rest of the royals decided that’s what they were going to do as well. Much of her new wardrobe that the King had made was packed up for the unforeseeable weeks ahead. King Anthony was surprised to hear that his daughter had thought about which kingdoms she wanted to visit first. And gladly agreed to her request. 

It was early in the morning, when the carriages were ready to depart. Wanda was the only one of her servants allowed to come along. Pietro, Wanda’s brother, was to be her head guard and brought five of who he believed to be some of the greatest soldiers in the kingdom. Just in case. To see them off, the King, Queen, and Prince had also risen early.

“Be respectful,” her mother told her as she guided the Princess to the carriage. “Try the food, even if you know you won’t like it. Spend time getting to know the people in each kingdom. One day, soon, some of them will be your people. And try your hardest to get to know each one of them. See beyond the crown.”

“I understand, Mother,” Y/N smiled. 

The Queen stopped them and held her daughter close to her. “I’m so proud of you. And I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Peter grabbed her next. “Don’t let any of them try anything, Y/N/N. You got it?”

“I got it.”

He leaned close to her ear. “I’ve seen the bruise on your wrist. Please be careful, sister.”

“Always am.” She kissed his cheek before moving to the King. The King looked scared. “Afraid, Father?”

“Honestly, a little.” He looped his arm through hers, guiding her away from everyone else. “I’m scared that you’ll come back hating me more. Or that you’ll come back ready to leave me.”

“I don’t hate you, Father. I never could really hate you. You’ve done so much for me.”

Anthony moved a hand up to her cheek, rubbing his thumb across it lovingly. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve handled this so well.” He pulled his daughter into a hug. “If anything happens that I would not approve up, you come home right away. Having you do this, is not worth you getting hurt. I love you, my Princess.”

“I love you too, Father.”

The King held a kiss to her cheek before guiding her back to the carriage and helping her in. He shut the door, studying her. No matter what needed to happen, he would always think of her has his little princess. He gave the carriage a few hits before stepping away and blowing a kiss as the carriage began its journey. Y/N watched out the window until her family, and her kingdom were out of sight. Wanda and her chatted, lightly, the whole way to Asgard. Wanda could tell that the Princess was getting more nervous the further away from Alexandria they got, but she didn’t push her. 

Y/N couldn’t believe her eyes, when she noticed Asgard on the horizon. It was shining, glimmering in the light of the sun set. The Princess sat there, wide eyed, as they rode up to the kingdom. The people lined the streets. Banners and streamers decorated the buildings. Y/N waved to the people as the carriage continued towards the palace. As the carriage pulled up, the royal family and the royal guard were standing outside the palace to greet her. Loki was quick to be the first to the carriage, opening the door and holding out a hand.

“Your Highness,” Loki smiled up at her.

Y/N smiled back, setting her hand in his, allowing him to help her out of the carriage. “Prince Loki. It’s good to see you again.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Loki kissed her hand before leading her to the others.

“Princess!” Thor greeted, happily. “It’s so good to see you again.” He grabbed her hand, also pressing a kiss to it.

“It’s good to see you too, Prince Thor,” she giggled.

“May I introduce you to our parents,” Loki took over, guided her towards a beautiful woman and a man who’s beard and hair were perfectly white. She also immediately noticed the eye patch adorning his right eye. “This is Queen Frigga and King Odin.”

“I’m so glad to finally meet you both, Your Majesties,” the Princess bowed. 

“We’ve heard so much about you,” Queen Frigga said. “From our sons and your Father. We’re excited to get to know you ourselves.”

“Same here.”

“I don’t think we should hold the Princess up any longer,” Odin spoke up. “She’s had a long journey and is probably tired. Thor, Loki, why don’t you both show her to her room.”

The Princes nodded, both taking a side of the Princess and each taking her arm. They guided her away, pointing out things about the palace as they went. She couldn’t stop being in awe at how magnificent Asgard was. Y/N also couldn’t help smiling, with Thor making her laugh and Loki close by on her other arm. She could imagine every day being like this. If she were to choose one of them. If the choice actually ends up being hers. They came to a halt in front of two large doors.

“This is where you will be for your stay here in Asgard with us,” Loki stated.

“Thank you both for guiding me,” she grinned. “I probably would have gotten lost with out you both.”

Thor threw back his head and laughed. “We wouldn’t let that happen, Princess.”

“We would never let you get lost,” Loki said, causing her to look at him. 

“Well, I really am tired. I had a long day. But, really, thanks. I’m excited to spend my time here.”

“Of course, Princess. We’ll have your dinner sent to your room so you can rest.”

“You will need the rest, Your Highness. The whole kingdom is gathering to celebrate in your honor tomorrow!” Thor announced.

“Oh,” Y/N said, “I will really need my rest then. Thank you both again. Good night.”

“Good night,” they both said as she slipped into her room. 

Wanda was already in there, with all her things put away. Giving Y/N a little time to explore the room between bathing and dinner arriving. She was eating out on the balcony when she noticed a paper, folded, barely tucked under her plate. She unfolded it to read: 

I’ll come visit you in an hour. Make sure you’re alone. - L

Y/N couldn’t hide the smile that grew on her face. It wasn’t that hard for Y/N to convince Wanda to go spend some time with her brother for a little bit. She was pacing back and forth too excited for Loki to visit, when there were knocks on her door. The Princess did her best to compose herself before answering the door. The door was barely open before Loki slipped in and shut it behind him.

“Afraid someone might see you sneaking into my chambers?” Y/N giggled.

“A little,” Loki smiled. He pulled her into him and kissed her softly. “I’ve been wanting to do that since that night in the garden,” Loki whispered upon pulling away.

“Me too.” 

Y/N pressed her lips to him, this time with a little more force. Loki moved them away from the door, scared someone might hear them, but still keeping their lips together. As he gently grasped her wrist, Y/N whimpered in pain. Loki quickly pulled away and Y/N turned around, holding her arm to her chest. 

“What was that?” Loki questioned. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Y/N responded. “I’m just clumsy.”

“I don’t believe you.” He marched over to stand in front of her. She refused to look at him. “What happened?” He carefully brushed some hair behind her ear. “Did someone hurt you?”

“Just let it go,” Y/N said. “Please.”

“No. If someone hurt you, I want to know who and why.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Y/N shook her head. “It was a few days ago and they’re working on their apology.”

“It was King Steven, wasn’t it?” The way Y/N close her eyes and took in a sharp breath, he knew he was right. “He did this to you.”

Y/N looked up at Loki. “Yes. But please don’t tell everyone, or going fighting him. He’s trying to make it up to me. He was just trying to get me to listen.”

“No, he needs to be put in his place. I can’t believe he—“

“Let me deal with it, Loki. After my time in Brooklyn, if he does anything else or I don’t feel like his apology is enough, then I will let you have at him. But, please, I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“But you got hurt. First by words and now by his hand.”

She set a hand on his face, getting him to really look at her. “Promise me, Loki. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I say.” She moved her hand so that it was behind his head more and carefully pulled it down so that their foreheads were touching. “Promise me,” she pleaded quietly.

“I promise.” 

next chapter >

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[count-fagula]

Bucky Barnes, Resident Haunt

Bucky Barnes was the Compound’s resident grump. Since settling into the Avengers home, he’d made a habit of hiding in corners, leaving rooms as people entered, and finding grunts as an acceptable form of communication.

Bucky wasn’t really grumpy, per se. It just took him longer to feel...comfortable. It was hard to handle the fact that everyone just accepted him, after everything he had done. Nearly a year after Tony had took them all back, after Bucky spent endless hours with B.A.R.F., he was just starting to come out of his shell. He was working on it, okay? Bucky figured as long as he kept working on liking things, and sharing, he could grunt at Clint’s jokes, or skip a couple movie nights, and generally evade social norms. It’s not like the rest of them were any more well-adjusted.

He did feel guilty though, so he put in extra effort to show the Avengers he was grateful for a second chance. He wasn’t sure he would ever feel like he fully deserved their kindness.

This was how the Avengers learned that Bucky Barnes loved to cook. After the hardest missions, Bucky could always be found in the kitchen cooking a huge post-battle meal. If B.A.R.F. was taking a toll on him, Bucky would break out the fancy cookbooks that Pepper had gifted Tony years ago to fill the empty space. (Once, Pepper walked in on the kitchen in shambles, all of her beautiful, previously untouched cookbooks strewn over the counters as Bucky attempted a five-course dinner. Pepper was pleased to see them go to use, and made sure the kitchen was stocked with fancy gadgets). Bucky would grumble over the books and hours later grab the nearest Avenger to sample his latest experiment.

Over these meals, the team started to learn more about their reclusive chef. If you paid close enough attention, Bucky almost had more sarcastic one-liners than Tony. Almost. Get the man to smile, it would fuel the morale of the team for a week. Bucky loved riling up Steve, farmer’s markets, Star Trek (much to Tony’s glee), and internet memes. None of these things compared to Bucky’s one true love:

Bucky loved Halloween.

He loved the spirit of it all. The characters, the scariness, dark creatures suddenly accepted and plastered onto household items. His favorite was anytime a traditionally scary thing was stripped of its terror and turned into something adorable: cute spiders, cute ghosts, cute skeletons, it all made Bucky just melt. He had to stop and look at every Halloween display whenever Steve took him out. He would point at the characters he recognized, gush about spooky decorations, and make Steve try on goofy costumes. For once, the monsters could come out from under the bed and be celebrated. Bucky empathized with that.

It was Steve’s fault that Bucky’s obsession escalated. He could never deny Bucky something he wanted, even back in the day. He was just glad to see Bucky so damn excited about something, although he didn’t really get the whole Halloween hype. That didn’t matter though because this was Bucky, and if he liked it, then Steve supported him. The suggestion came easily then, as they stood outside of a clothing shop, staring at another eerie fall display.

“Hey Buck, you know, uh, we could decorate the Compound if you wanted? I’m sure Tony wouldn’t mind too much.” Bucky froze, and turned slowly, eyes as wide as flying saucers.

______________________________________________________________________

Two days later, the Compound looked like Party City had gotten into a fight with the Hulk and lost. Pumpkins lined every porch. There were black and purple streamers intricately weaved together cascading across all of the hallways, criss crossing the ceilings of the common rooms. Bucky had found different colored glittery styrofoam skulls and placed them on as many flat surfaces as he could find. There were giant cartoon Frankenstein bowls filled to the brim with Halloween candy. They had given him creative control and he wouldn’t be stopped.

Bucky himself was the piece de resistance, as Clint soon found out. Someone was baking something in the kitchen and there was no way in hell he was missing out on food. Clint followed his nose towards the kitchen, barely noticing the festive streamers. Huh, he hadn’t seen Stark decorate for holidays in the past. Whatevs, these were questions for post-delicious baked good consumption.

“I hope you’re making extra for me Barnes,” Clint shouted as he walked into the kitchen area of the common room. “Because I am hun- WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS?”

Clint nearly fell over in shock at the level of Halloween-themed bullshit that had exploded over the Compound. Clint then actually fell over when he took in Bucky Barnes, scary super assassin, pulling ghost cookies out of the oven, wearing a bright red apron that read “BOO!” There were little happy ghosts all over it that matched the cookies. Bucky just stared at Hawkeye on the ground, then turned to put the cookies on the cooling rack.

“ARE THOSE- ARE THOSE WINDOW CLINGS? YOU HAVE BAT SHAPED WINDOW CLINGS STUCK TO YOUR METAL DEATH ARM. STEVE. STEVE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???”

“I think they look good, James.” Natasha smirked, as she stole a cookie and sat at the kitchen counter.

Bucky was giving Hawkeye the patented Winter Soldier murder glare, but Steve just shrugged. “We went to Target.”

“You took a 45 minute subway ride up to Harlem so he could buy BAT CLINGS?!?!? FOR HIS METAL ARM?!?!” Clint huffed.

“No,” Steve deadpanned. “He also got socks.”

Bucky grinned and lifted his leg in the air, showing off his thigh high orange socks, adorned with smiling black cats.

______________________________________________________________________

Tony returned from his business trip, took a look around, and poured his coffee.

“Looking good Buck-a-roo,” Tony remarked and continued on down to his lab. Bucky couldn’t even pretend to be grumpy at this point, and Peter did a double take when he saw the Winter Soldier giggling.

“You okay, Mr. Barnes?” Peter asked. That just set Bucky off more.

Fifteen minutes later, Tony stormed back into the common room. “WHO did this? I DEMAND ANSWERS!” He lifted up a handful of glow-in-the dark spider webbing into the air. Peter looked confused.

“Is that Halloween spider web? Where did those come from?”

“MY LAB!!!!!” Tony whined. “It’s covered in this stuff!” Tony threw the webbing into the air. “It’s floor to ceiling webbing! Dum-E was covered, my stuff is covered! I am going to have to hire a small country to get rid of all of that webbing.”

Steve rolled his eyes at Tony’s dramatics. Tony scowled. “Steve, I would think you would be more concerned. How will I sleep on the lab sofa when my lab GLOWS IN THE DARK? But fear not, Winghead, I know who committed this awful crime!”

“Not like it isn’t obvious,” Clint mumbled under his breath. Tony meanwhile just winked at Bucky and wheeled around to point an accusatory finger at Peter.

“It was YOU! You, Spiderling! You betrayed my sacred trust. Not only is that a breach of my privacy, but there are weapon grade explosives down there. You could have blown up half of New York!”

Peter sputtered in shock. “Mr. Stark! I-I would never! I promise I wouldn’t! It’s- that’s not even real spider web, Mr. Stark!”

“Exactly! That’s the cunning of your plan! So cunning in fact, you must have had assistance from...ANOTHER SPIDER!” Tony whipped around, pointing this time at the Black Widow.

“Yep, you caught us Tony.” Natasha said, without looking up from the book she was reading. Tony flopped onto the couch and started devouring Reese’s Pumpkins, flashing wide grins in Bucky’s direction between more accusations and complaints.

And if Bucky Barnes was laughing harder than he had since before the war, well, no one commented. They’d chock it up to being in the holiday spirit.

[gem-marie-blog1]

Falling Behind

10:39 pm  Thursday I honestly don't think I could have picked a better time to incorporate the glucosamine and magnesium into my program.  I am in so much pain tonight it is almost unbearable to even lie down.  My entire back feels bruised as if someone has beaten me with a baseball bat.  I have muscles spasming everywhere and my joints are on fire.  I truly hope these new supplements help with pain relief, inflammation and sleep as well as the research seems to indicate. I NEED some restful SLEEP NOW! When you go for a certain period of time with little to no sleep it really starts to mess with your mind and your ability to not freak out over every little thing.  I am nearly at the end of my rope all the time lately because I am just exhausted.  I don't sleep soundly because I am in pain all night.  It is turning me into a very grouchy and negative person.  I do not wish to be a big jerk all the time.  So sleep has got to happen and it's got to happen NOW! Of course, I am super genius for sitting here blogging instead of already having the light off if I am so worried about sleep.  Right?  Duh! I hope to have a good report to share with you all in the morning on these new supplements. I also forgot to post my juice recipe today.  I will post it later in this blog post as well, if I can remember everything that went in it.  LOL! 1:53 PM  Saturday I have really been slacking with this blog and with doing the healthy things I am supposed to be doing for myself the past couple of days. Yesterday was the boy's 10th birthday and both the kids performed in a musical at school which had two performances.  I had to do a colonial style hairdo for the girl and stage makeup for a morning and evening performance.  The inlaws came into town for the morning performance and then we all went to a birthday lunch. I started out the morning vomiting off and on for a few hours.  I felt sick and feverish and my joints were killing me for most of the day.  I am not even sure how I managed to do the girl's hair and makeup as it it very difficult to raise my arms much higher than my waste when I am in this condition.  Somehow we made it happen though and she looked adorable. Brent and I were planning to take the kids to see the opening of Kong for the bday boy.  But by the time I had sat on the hard chairs for the hour and a half performance, plus the time we spent at lunch I was in so much pain that I was in a cold sweat.  There was no choice for me other than to come home and lie down while the three of them attended the movie. Man, talk about some serious mom guilt.  I usually go a bit overboard for birthdays.  Typically the kids wake up to balloons and streamers and paper cut outs of the number of years they are turning all over the house.  Unfortunately, I ran out of spoons and pain tolerance before they even made it to bed on Thursday night.  So my sweet little guy, newly double digits (kind of a big deal) did not wake up to these traditions yesterday and I did not attend his birthday movie with him.  Definitely feeling like mom of the year over here! Last night for their second performance I brought their two best friends along to watch and on the way home I stopped and bought a birthday balloon for the boy, flowers for the girl (she had kind of a big part in the play) and a 12 pack of Fanta (the boy's fav) and some cupcakes.  Phoning it in?  You'd better believe it.  We sang happy birthday in the car and they and their buddies had cupcakes on the way home at 9:30pm.  Sometimes I simply do what I can to get by and at least let them know that I care, even if I couldn't do my usual big deal stuff.   It is what it is.  If I obsess over the difference in my current abilities and what I would prefer to be doing,  I will just become depressed and be able to do even less.  I have mourned enough over the loss of the "old me." They know I love them and they still love me regardless of my shortcomings. Thank goodness for a simple reminder from a good friend! I had a sweet friend of mine message me this morning and snap me out of the neglectful way I have conducted myself the past two days.   This friend also struggles with chronic pain and fatigue.  She thanked me for this blog and mentioned that she is struggling to get moving today as she is in a great deal of pain and works a late job.  She mentioned that she finds my sharing about my struggle and my desire to push through the pain to be inspiring.  I appreciate her saying those things.  It made me feel less self conscious about sharing with all of you what I am going through.  But more than that it was a great wake up call! What the heck am I doing?  I didn't juice at all or exercise yesterday.  I only took a portion of my supplements.  I am in the process of baking a cake and throwing a birthday party today and have gone half the day, yet again, without doing everything in my regimen.  I did take my EmergenC and calcium, magnesium and B12.  But I have done little else that I am supposed to be doing to get myself well.  Instead I am only doing the things that wear me out and cause more pain.  How can I justify burning up spoons (refer to March 7 post for the 'spoon theory') and wearing myself out, if I am not going to try to replenish my energy and my ability to fight this harmful parasite in my body? Not smart, Gem Marie!  Get your act together! I messaged my friend back and encouraged her to get moving, even if it is just a little bit and/or to try and put some good things into her body today.  I can tell you this, one thing I will not be is a hypocrite.  I will not dole out advice and not practice what I preach.  It is just not in my character to do so.  Therefore, I am stepping up my game! I am so grateful to this friend for reaching out to me today!  Little did she know that in her effort to seek a little support on her end, she actually threw a big push my way.  We never know why we are prompted to reach out to another and I would venture a guess based on my own experience, that a lot of times our pride gets in the way and we choose not to do it.  We suffer in silence and think that no one wants to hear what we have to say.  Or that they wouldn't want to be bothered with our need for a little understanding.  What's funny about that is the fact that we may be helping them just as much, if not more, than they are helping us.  I am so grateful my friend was not too prideful to speak up and let me know she is struggling today.  I am sending positive vibes and much love her way and to anyone else who is having a hard time. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER! I have decided to share what I told my friend in response to her message in case it could be helpful to anyone else who might be reading.  I really hope she won't mind. "It's certainly not easy and I get down on myself and my disease too sometimes. I think everyone who suffers with chronic pain and illness does. It's hard. Just hang in there babe and pick something small that you know you can handle and do it. It will make you feel like you've accomplished something and that begins to change your mindset which helps in not compounding an already difficult situation, by beating yourself up for the stuff you can't do. Make sense? So, say walking around isn't in the cards today, choose to write a letter or journal or read something uplifting or drink more water or choose to add in some foods today that help with pain and inflammation. Then, at the end of the day if you have managed to do that thing, whatever it is, you can use that feeling of accomplishment to push to do a little more tomorrow. Moving is important and believe it or not, even though our pain and fatigue is real, the ability to push yourself to get moving a little, is mostly mental. Every athlete or soldier will tell you that your brain gives up on any physical task long before your body ever will. Think about the 4 minute mile. For years no one thought it was possible until finally one guy did it. Then something like 14 other people did in that same year. The perception of their physical limitations had changed. That is really all it takes. If you are in too much pain, take a hot bath with Epsom salt to loosen up and then go for a super short walk or do some light stretching. Pick something you can handle but that is maybe a little more than the norm. If you do that, little by little everyday, my theory is that you will start to see some positive changes. I've been slacking pretty bad with my maintenance and with my blog the past couple days because we have had a lot going on. It's hard to remember to take care of ourselves like we should when our needs become overshadowed by those of our family. That is the balance I am working on figuring out currently. I have this very unhealthy all or nothing thing going on. Thank you so much for your message! You have helped snap me out of it and made me realize that I can't neglect myself today. I still have I take the time to put good things in my body and detox and blog and all the other healthy stuff I've been trying to do. Let me know if you are able to find a way to challenge yourself today. I would love to hear what you did and how it went! Remember it doesn't have to be big. Just has to be different." I went on to tell her that I hope I wasn't offensive with my advice. I know that the hardest thing to hear when one is in debilitating pain is that you should be moving or frankly that you need to DO anything. It can be so much easier said than done. I used to get pretty pissed when people would make this type of suggestion to me. I still get pretty annoyed with Brent from time to time when he tries to remind me of things like this, especially on super bad pain days. But whether I like it or not, this is what is required in order to start to heal. I know for a fact that the more times I win this particular battle in whatever small way I can, the better off I am in the long run. It is a long and arduous process, but it is the only path that I have found to at least begin making some small yet significant progress toward being well.

So, now to the healthy steps I am taking to ensure I do not remain completely off track today. - I am currently drinking some organic kombucha. - As soon as I finish the kombucha I will have orange juice, cherry juice and turmeric - I have taken ibuprofen - I have just taken my second dose of EmergenC - I am pounding water like crazy - I am juicing an anti-inflammatory juice as soon as I finish the cake - I will have a hot detox bath as soon as our party guests leave at 8:00pm This may just be the bare minimum today.  But as I told my friend, any progress is forward progress and is a positive thing. Update: The plan above did not quite go off without a hitch.  Kids started showing up early.  The mirror galaxy cake my son requested did not exactly work out.  As a matter of fact, I baked two different cakes.  Both a flop.  One, a fanta cake at the boy's initial request, which fell apart completely.  I then baked a second cake which also imploded, once I poured the glaze over top of it.  The punch overflowed, because I accidentally froze the 7up and the whole process of trying to have the treats ready in time for that portion of our little party was basically a big disaster.  Therefore, I ended up not having time to juice.  Bummer.  Instead, I am now drinking a Kevita Ginger and Turmeric drink.  Not my favorite flavor to be honest.  It kind of tastes like a spicy sort of pickle juice.  Yuck!  But it has some great probiotic and anti-inflammatory qualities.  So I will drink it whether I love it or not!  It is all about doing whatever I can to feel better, right?   Right! I used to spend two days planning and executing what were some pretty killer cakes for my kids' birthdays.   Now I try my luck at whipping up something cool in an afternoon.  Sometimes it works out.  Sometimes it does not.  I was pretty hard on myself earlier today when things were falling apart. I said and thought some very negative things about what a terrible mom I am and how nothing basically goes right anymore and blah, blah, blah... Self talk: Geez!  Get over yourself Gem Marie!  What is your deal?  Those kids shoveled cake into their like mouths like somebody was gonna take it away from them,  all while excitedly chattering about all the fun they had just had outside playing night games, led by the boy's awesomely fun dad.  Those kids couldn't have cared less what the stupid cake looked like.  Neither could that sweet boy.  Later he thanked us for an awesome birthday. It's true y'all!  They had a blast!  So who cares?  Saying something true to myself to quell negative thoughts is one of the new habits I am trying to develop.  I am certainly not the best at it.  But it is very helpful when I can put myself in check like that.  Sometimes it doesn't happen until hours later.  But I think as long as it happens at some point it can be counted as progress. Alright my friends, now I am off to take a much needed, and in my own opinion, well deserved and relaxing bath. Thanks as usual, for reading.  Please comment if you have anything to add or have any questions at all. Affirmation: I will do all that is within my capability and will not allow myself to shrink in the face of my challenges.