#bullying and self doubt would probably end

[jrueships]

THE SAUCE SOLDIERS HAVE FOUND HIS SPECIAL SAUCE BLUE LIGHT GLASSES !!!!

[fatkish]

Hi hi! I really love reading through all of your mha x inner child fanfics, theyve honestly helped a lot lol.

I was wondering if I could request Present Mic with (his) child reader after an unsuccessful suicide attempt? They attempted to go out by hanging but were saved at the last moment, so their throat is in complete pain. Just maybe some comfort and angst in his eccentric, silly ways, not wanting reader to hurt more but still hurting himself lol (but feel free to spin this however you want!).

(TRIGGER WARNING: Please note that the following contains sensitive content: attempts at suicide, self harm, mental abuse directed at oneself. Please be warned and don’t read if you are not in the right mindset to do so. This is a comfort fic aimed at comforting those who have dealt with or felt like this at one point)

Present Mic x Child Reader: Perfect to Me

You had been born Quirkless. The media had a field day with the news of the Voice Hero: Present Mic’s own child being quirkless. It was hard enough to be quirkless, but when everyone knew your father had a strong quirk, it made things even harder. You were always compared to him by your peers and even some of your teachers. You got bullied relentlessly by other kids. No one wanted to be your friend and the teachers would turn a blind eye to it all.

The kids would say things like ‘I bet you’re actually adopted and Present Mic is just too much of a hero to get rid of you’ ‘your dad must be super embarrassed his kid is quirkless and a loser’ ‘if no one knew you were his kid then he’d probably get rid of you’ your dad’s a lame hero so it makes sense he’d keep a quirkless kid’. The other kids always said things about how your dad must be putting up an act and probably just sees you as a charity case.

The teachers were bad too. ‘I can’t even imagine having a quirkless child’ ‘imagine how it must be having a child like that’ ‘the poor man is probably so stressed all the time, worried about his kid’ ‘it must be so disappointing to find out your kid is quirkless’. The teachers would whisper about how it must be such a burden to raise a quirkless child. They spoke rumors about you being his illegitimate child and that he’s probably only kept you to make himself look good.

You never told Mic about anything anybody said. You knew he loved you, you’re his whole world… right? After a few years of torment and bullying from other kids you started to doubt yourself and your father. You started to believe that you were just a burden on Mic and that he’s only putting up a loving act. He’s your dad, so of course he’s supposed to love you, plus he��s a hero, so how much of his love is really true and not just stuff he’s supposed to say. How do you know if your dad actually cares for you or only tells you this because he’s a good person and is just being nice?

Eventually in 5th grade when you were 11, you couldn’t take it anymore. You truly believed that your dad was only trying to make you feel better about being quirkless. You believed that you were a burden and that your dad would be better off without you to look after. One day, you decided to skip school and returned home after your dad left. You had been planning this for some time. You had grabbed an old 10ft phone charger cord and tied one end into a slipknot and tied the other to a wooden beam in the kitchen. You decided to write your dad a note before taking your life. You then stood up on a chair and slipped the cord around your neck before kicking away the chair.

Mic had been halfway on his way home from UA because he realized that he forgot some of his students English papers that he graded. He got a call from one of your few nice teachers who informed him that you weren’t at school. He had seen you leave this morning so he knows that you left, were you skipping school? Why? Guess he’ll ask you when he gets home. He pulled into the driveway and parked before exiting and locking his car. He unlocked his front door and entered the house, closing the door behind him before calling out your name.

“(Y/n)? You home? I’m not mad, I left some papers that I had graded on the kitchen table. C’mon, let’s have a talk, I’m sure you have a reason for skipping scho— Oh God NOOOOO!”

As Mic had walked from the living room, through the dining room and into the kitchen, he paused when his eyes took in the sight of your body nearly limp and hanging with a cord around your neck. The moment he saw it he ran to you and grabbed a knife to cut the cord. The moment he did, your limp body fell into his arms.

“Oh my god, my sweet baby, no. Please, (y/n) baby, please don’t be dead, please don’t die on me, Daddy’s here now, Daddy’s got you, come back to me baby” Present Mic cried as he cradled your body and dialed the emergency number for an Ambulance. While he stayed with you, he saw the note and grabbed it, when the paramedics arrived they got to work getting oxygen into you and had to stick a tube down your windpipe to get oxygen into your lungs. Mic rode in the Ambulance with them as he called Shota and let him know what was happening. Shota then told Nedzu what happened.

While you were being treated, Mic pulled the note out and read it.

Dear Dad,

I’m sorry that you had to find me like this. I know it’s a burden having to deal with and care for a quirkless child and that dealing with my death is just more of a burden. I’m sorry I’m quirkless, I know that you always say it’s okay but you don’t have to lie anymore. I know you must have been disappointed when I didn’t get a quirk and I’m so sorry. Thank you for taking such good care of me even though it must have been an immense burden. Thank you for being a kind and loving father even if it was just an act. I love you so much and I’m sorry that you had to endure living with me for so long. But that’s all over now so you can rest now. Thank you for everything and thank you for putting up with me. You’re my hero.

-Love,

(Y/n)

Hizashi had tears rolling down his cheeks when Shota got to the hospital and found him sitting in a hallway outside your door. When Shota took the note and read it, he too, shed some tears.

“W-why? Why didn’t they tell me Sho? Why didn’t they say anything? Do they really believe that I don’t love them? What did I do wrong?!?”

“Shh, I know Zash, I know. This isn’t on you, this isn’t your fault”

“My baby is dead?!? Sho! How am I- what am I gonna do, how am I supposed to deal with this?”

As Hizashi cried to Shota, one of the nurses exited your room.

“Excuse me, Mr. Yamada, your child is awake now. We’ve put them on the Suicide watch and a psychoanalytic will be visiting with them later to determine what caused this and what the best course of treatment for them is. You can go in now and see them” the nurse moved aside and motioned towards the door.

Hizashi immediately jumped to his feet and ran inside the room only to stop and stare at you. You had your head down and your hands in your lap as you sat in the hospital bed under the sheets wearing a hospital gown. Tears swelled in his eyes as he realized you were alive. Hearing and seeing the beats on the heart monitor was a relief to him. He ran over to you swallowing you up in his arms as he cried.

“Oh (y/n) my sweet baby, you’re alive, I was so scared don’t you ever do that again you hear me! I love you so much, I’m so happy you’re alive. No matter what anyone says or thinks, you’re perfect to me. Just the way you are. Quirk or no quirk, you will always be my sweet baby. I love you so much”

Hizashi cried as he hugged you and cradled you in his arms. He kept rubbing his forehead into your shoulder. You carefully removed his glasses and put them aside as you kissed his forehead.

“Dad I’m-“

“No no, shhh… it’s okay, explanations can come later. If you don’t want to talk about it right now then we don’t have to, I’m just so grateful that you’re alive. Promise me you’ll talk to me before you ever do this again, please”

“I promise”

“Pinky promise”

You looked at the serious look and your dad’s face as he held his pinky finger out to you. You couldn’t help but smile at his silly antics and linked your pinky with his.

“I promise”

“Okay good.”

After that, Hizashi crawled into the bed with you as you sat on his lap and snuggled into his arms. Shota sat in the chair to the side and smiled at you.

The following week was filled with snuggles and eating junk food while watching movies. When you got home after the suicide watch ended, your dad surprised you by letting you go to UA with him and letting you do your homeschooling there. Nedzu decided that it would be best for you to be in an environment where you would be safe from bullying and what better environment than a school for heroes? You got to stay in the faculty room and did your homework, you got to eat lunch with your dad and he’d show you off to all his coworkers.

Needless to say you still had some doubts but therapy was helping. Your dad loves you and it’s obvious to you now just how much.

[heartfullofleeches]

Ok, but can we talk about Erin with a darling who's just sweet as pie to him? Just, every threat or insult is met with kind words and love and our boi is conflicted. On one hand, he knows they love him, on the other, please just fucking step on him he's this close to begging for it

Imagine him opening up to them and off-handedly making a self-deprecating joke when he hears a snap. The pencil in his darling's hand is crushed and the hand that once held it is now wrapped around his throat "If I hear any more of that talk about my wonderful boyfriend I might just have to beat some sense into you"

is this anything? Fuck if I know, but it was in my head and now it's in yours!

[Male Yan Bully + G.N Reader] (warnings: choking, masochism)

Erin knew he wasn't the greatest guy around.

Petty theft, belittling and fighting with his peers, and his tendency to fly off the handle for the smallest issue already gave him a poor rep with locals. Things only got worse when you came into the picture. Everything about you was the polar opposite to himself. When he insulted you upon first meeting you asked if he was feeling well. When he finally came to accept his feelings and told you the two of you were dating without any previous attempts to win you over, you just smiled and asked him where to meet him for lunch.

Threats towards yourself and others where brushed off with a laugh. They toned down once you began dating, but Erin couldn't help but press you at times out of sheer confusion that you actually seemed to be enjoying time spent with him. It's not let you had many others with him harassing anyone who gets too close, but you never complained- even liking the silence. You patched him up after every scuffle and didn't ask how the began or ended. He doesn't understand you at all, but finds it hard to function without you. He can't wrap his head around it.

"Why do you like me?"

Heart printed bandage in hand, your passive expression scrunches with worry over your boyfriend's words. You place it over his blistered knuckles. "What are you going about now, Rin? I don't just like you and you know that."

Erin chews his lips, shying away from your concerned scare. "Yea, I know, but it just makes even less since if you ask me. It's pretty common knowledge that I'm not exactly a model citizen. For Christ's sake I've been hard on you before and still am. I can't control these things about me and when I see you around other people I just.... You're probably better off with someone else.

"Soooo.. what I'm hearing is you're saying I'm not good at choosing partners?"

"Ugh- this isn't about you, Y/n. I'm trying to be serious for once. Hrk!- "

Spit and a choked string of obscenities fall from Erin's lips as a hand clasps firm around his throat. Your nails stab his beating flesh as his pulse increases. He struggles for a word, but is unable to form his lips to speak as he gasps

"Oh yes it is. If my boyfriend is doubting his position I'm obviously not doing something right. I thought loved me too Rin."

His eyes shoot to the protruding veins of your wrist as your fingers lock in place, pressing down on his trachea. He blinks away tears - broken by you even thinking you're part of the problem. You snap your fingers to regain his fleeting attention.

"Hey!- Eyes up here. It's true you could use some temper adjustments, and you think with your fist but you have a good head on your shoulders and such a big heart. I've seen it when you knocked on every door in my neighborhood because I was out sick and you forgot my address. I've felt it everytime you've kissed and held me. You're my boyfriend, Rinny. Don't make me knock some sense into you - got it?"

Erin dips his head to signal a nod. He longs to take your words to heart, but it's easier said than done with you fulfilling a fantasy he wouldn't confess to even on his death bed. He dreamt about what it would be like to have such caring hands be the cause of his destruction. He couldn't pry himself out of your grip even if he wanted to. It was better than anything this fucked mind could make up.

"Rinny~ I need words. You're gonna make me cry if you keep bullying me like this."

His heart jumps at the playful nickname. " 'm yours....promise... all yours."

Your smile returns - pressed to his cheek as you kiss his skin. "Good. Now that that's over, want some help with that?"

Erin holds his knees together, pulling his jacket over his crotch. "Shut it."

[multifandomslxt]

How I think NCT127 would act if somebody was badmouthing their s/o

Johnny

Fe fi foe fum you dumb bitch

If you think this mf is gonna let them get a way with that shit you hit your head somewhere

“What did you just say?”

Stands up and straightens his back

Will knock them tf out

They’re not gonna talk about the love of his life like that

Tf they think this is?

The Mickey mouse clubhouse?

Taeyong

No

Just no

Wouldn’t say shit

They just lose everything one day

Their job

Assests

Friends

It don’t matter trust and believe he don’t want them within a five mile radius of his s/o

“Clearly you have nothing to lose”

Probably -no- WILL turn his entire circle against them

Yuta

First of all

Who in their right mind would fuck with his s/o

He made sure to tell everyone to keep his s/o’s name out of their mouths

So when he hears them talking

Mr.Nakamoto is gonna catch a case

Without a doubt

100%

He’s going to JAIL😭😭😭

He warned y’all

“You must be one brave son of a bitch to be talking about my s/o like that”

Doyoung

They must not like themselves

They must crave having a low self esteem

Because that is exactly what Doyoung would give them

“And your Squidward Tentacles built ass is some how better than my s/o? Yeah…right”

Would disrespect the fuck out of them

Wouldn’t even need to lift a finger

“Move along you dog shit smelling ass bitch”

Jaehyun

Laughs at them

And I mean falls to the floor laugh

Goes home and tells his s/o

Because why would he keep the joke to himself

Come back the next day with his a/o and they both cuss them out

“Are you that desperate for attention?”

He Makes everyone else laugh at them

Jungwoo

He’s using his cigarette to burn tf outta their eyes

End of story 😭😭

One minute they’re bad mouthing the next they’re running to the ICU

“Keep your fucking mouth shut”

Did I mention he would be in the same cell as Yuta?

Mark

Will hate them from afar

Not confrontational

Seems harmless but he spreads rumours

Rumours that’ll fuck someone’s life up

So good luck to them

“You should’ve never said that maybe then no one would know your business”

Plays innocent when someone accuses him of spreading said rumours

“Dude what are you talking about”

Haechan

He’s a bully.

Period.

Would make their life a living hell

Calls other people to help him bully them

“Oh now you wanna say sorry?”

He would make sure they wouldn’t get away with it

Only he’s allowed to badmouth his s/o (teasingly)

[gemini-sensei]

bully!reader who was actually a secret virgin and waiting on loser!demetri

OMG she bullies him and laughs at him all the time for being a virgin while lying to and letting her friends believe she isn't one. She shoves Demetri around asking him when he's gonna lose his, laughs at him when he fumbles for an answer, and her friends back her up by teasing him further. He has no idea she's a virgin waiting on him. All her teasing is directed at him in this pointed way because she wants him to take her virginity.

When she corners him one day, she wants to push him far enough that he'll shove her into an empty room and fuck her. He has no clue though. The thought hardly crosses his mind. When he gets the idea that he could lose his virginity to her, it's dashed away by his self-doubt because why one earth would she want to do that? He doesn't think it would be possible. Little does he know...

She wants him so bad to the point that when they're alone, her teasing turns into a different kind. She sits on his lap and asks him how come he hasn't lost his v-card yet? Can he not get it up? She starts grinding on him to test her little "theory" but she's really trying to rile him up. It works, he gets hard under her and his face turns beet red. He stutters and stumbles over his words and won't look at her. She flicks his face and laughs at him, telling him how pathetic he is for not losing his virginity yet.

She realizes he's not gonna take hold of the situation like she would like him to, because he's such a loser, so she leans into his ear and breathing down his neck hotly. "Maybe I could help you with that..."

They end up losing their virginities to each other in the back of her car. Not that Demetri knows it's her first time. He doesn't know that she needs all that time to adjust to him because she's never taken a dick before. He doesn't realize the little bit of blood is normal for someone's first time. He's such a loser, so he doesn't know these things. She actually tells him that he's so big and that's why it's like that. She's just never taken a dick like that before, leaving out the part where she's never fucked at all. Not that he'd actually care but there's no way in Hell she would tell him he's her first. That would ruin her credibility, not to mention probably give him so much satisfaction...

Regardless, it won't be the last time they fuck. Not that that's going to stop her from teasing him for being a loser virgin in front of her friends...

[kalims]

— LEONA KINGSCHOLAR | 나를 소중히

or, a morning with leona.

나를 소중히 (cherish me)

as someone who didn't stay in places with searing, hot weather you can say that the environment of savanaclaw is pretty warm compared to the average ramshackle cold.

if you had told your past self that you were spending the night in savanaclaw they probably would've laughed at you and cursed out the gods—promising you that they would never, ever do it.

well you do understand them. the way you were treated when you arrived is pretty extreme. you did forgive but you never forgot, was it childish of you to hold a grudge? probably. did they deserve it? absolutely. can you blame yourself though? out of all the dorms they were the one you had the most rough impression of.

you were absolutely sure they were gonna 'teach you a lesson' the first time you arrived and they thought you were too puny for them.

besides the past that was kind of horrifying first time you dealt with it. you do agree that you would've never spent another second in here if it weren't for your lover: leona.

albeit a little rough around the edges he's pretty sweet though your friends think otherwise. they think you're both insane and patient for 'dealing' with a person like him and just like any good partner you got offended on his behalf.

I mean how could they judge so fast when they didn't even know him?

well to be fair you doubt everyone else would be lucky enough to leona opening up like you.

day by day you end up spending an awful lot of time around savanaclaw— around leona to be exact. during your time together he taught you the beauty around the savanah, although not verbally he did.

it made you dislike the dorm a little less. (but of course that's progress! atleast you're talking with the residents that threatened you before with less,, vigor,)

you did see the resolve of the students, admirable really but it was no excuse to torment the weak. using their strength as an excuse to bully those they deem inferior might as well land them a punch from you.

even though they were practically his own. you doubt leona would stop you, and if he thought the same thing like them you wouldn't landed the same punhc at him.

you once joked about it and leona said he'll really take that tooth if you dared.

while you were laughing your ass off at the thought of him doing that for no reason at all leona found your laugh contagious, as he can't help closing his eyes and smiling at the sound of laughter in his room. he'd never thought it would be filled with anything other than silence.

in a way he looked forward to simply chatting in his room together, even though you were usually the one talking.

the mornings in savanaclaw were of course—hot.

by the casual demeanor the students display you can tell they're used to this kind of weather, literally no wonder there's a lot of big and muscled guys here. you, are by no means pleased at all. honestly kind of irritated by the amount of sweat you,, sweat in the morning. when the sun is just starting to heat up.

honestly nothing woke you up but the warmth.

blearily and half conscious your eyes adjust to the surroundings, taking in the mellow color of sunlight. it's a little earlier than usual so it's a little cold—given how the sun hasn't come up yet.

you take a few moments of silence. staring at nothing in particular, you could practically hear the gears in your head start as you register your consciousness.

you shift. yeah the light was nice and all but it's not letting you sleep with it practically in your face.

so you roll to the right, groaning at the fact that you had to disrupt your sleep and knowing yourself? now that you moved you'd be having a hard time falling asleep again. then again it's monday and class starts in a few hours.

ugh.. fuck I hate mondays, you swear you blinked and the weekend was over already. whoever thought two days of rest was enough you would pluck their eyes out.

you were all about hating the world till you rolled around and was met in sight of leona's peacefully slumbering place. you were right, whenever he wasn't frowning he was really handsome. then you thought; how could you hate the world when it's right here? right next to you?

engrossed with your sappy thoughts you release a long, fond sigh. even asleep leona seeks out to comfort you, evident in the way an arm snakes around your lower torso and snuggling into you.

you swear you hear a pleased hum from him.

weirdly you think about how lucky you are.

"do you know how hard it is to sleep when someone's staring at you?"

leona drawls out. startling you when his eyelids peel open, staring at you casually but you can still see the sleep in his eyes. he takes his other arm and pushes back his hair with a groan. most likely iffed that you had interrupted his sleep.

despite his sour look you grin at him.

leona never hated that face more, cause it looks like you'd follow him to the ends of the world, that grin is the determination that keeps you going and don't get him started about your eyes. he hates the fondness in it because it makes his heart race.

and he hates you for staying, and loving him.

"sorry," you say but your face says anything but an apology.

"stop looking at me like that,"

"sorry," you say again. wearing a similar face, definitely less sincere than the last.

you continue to look at him like that.

grumpily leona turns the opposite of you and no matter how many times you whined out a, "hey!" he merely shakes you off and continues to ignore you.

he went even as far as to peel off the arm you stuck to him.

you sigh. "ugh.. you're so mean," and deflate. perhaps making it seem like you're actually upset is a decent strategy?

you were no stranger to leona. you knew him, and he knew you. his favorite time of the day to nap, the spot he goes to hide away, the things people don’t bother to know. in a way you feel like he is your soulmate, in this life you’ve known him for less than two years but it feels like you’ve known him since forever.

rolling your eyes you throw your body over his,, and the startled grunt he releases is the highlight of your day. leona stares at you ‘venemously’, it it were any other person he would’ve started strangling them but it’s you.

it’s always you, leona thinks.

“i said i’m sorry,” you say, pecking him on the lips. leona ignores the volts it spreads in his body, tingling but all the more addicting. it sends a jolt to his heart that can never seem to stop after.

for once leona thinks that it’s not too early for this. in fact, there’s never a time where he doesn’t want this affection you’re showering him in, nor the casual teasing and joking around the two of you. because it’s like your mind and hearts are connected.

that’s right. you’re his soulmate and he is yours.

"whatever. you're annoying," leona spat and you nudge him with a laugh.

laughter echoes around the room.

as he said, your laughs are contagious. it's like a plague. something he'd wanna get away from but it's like singing in his ears, a melody that takes away his breath and relives him the joy. he hears it and he's already struggling to hold a smile at your own.

which is uncharacteristic and he hates it.

it's not that he's stuck with you, you're stuck with him.

note. I read this one story in quotev and idk why but it really inspired me, the writing was so good. it was realistic on a degree 😭 and addresses the problem of growing up

yeah never thought I'd enjoy a haikyuu fanfic cause I've left the fandom for years

[spacedace]

Sorta sequel of this post (where Bruce is happy that Damian has totally and completely normal human friends). You don't have to read that one to get this one tho lol.

Slight Trigger Warning: minor description of injuries and blood, including injuries to ears and scalp. It's quick and not much detail on the injuries themselves, but I wanted to give a heads up.

Tim always thought his friend group was the most unhinged in the family.

Not anymore.

His friends at least had enough of a sense of self preservation to book it when Bruce caught them doing something they shouldn't and leveled them with A Look.

Tim's pretty sure Damian's friends call god a bitch to his face everyday and give him a wedgie in a Denny's parking at least twice a week. He's positive he saw them roast one of the League's S tier world ending threats to the point of tears last weekend. The footage was too badly corrupted to prove it, but he knows what he saw.

All of which to say, he's shouldn't be surprised when Bruce levels little Elle Nightingale and her cousin Billy Batson with his patented "You Are In So Much Trouble" BatDad Face (TM) and the little hellions just grin back at him, entirely unaffected. Shouldn't be but still is because holy fuck even Jason will still back off when Bruce levels him with that look. And these kids had the gaul to ask Bruce if they could go get ice cream after they were done here.

Bruce blinks first. It feels like an omen for the ends times.

Tim can't blame him though, you can’t look into the heart of insanity and chaos like that for too long without risking losing something in the process. Steph was right, they really are nightmare demons sent to feed on their fear and uncertainty.

Billy swipes a smear of blood away from his busted nose with the sleeve of his torn and dirty shirt. Elle's teeth are pink and red from blood - Tim isn't sure if it's better or worse that it's not her blood. Jon was bouncing between fussing over Damian - who Superboy had been mostly able to keep from joining the fight and thus probably saved a couple of lives - and casting worried looks at his two bloody friends as they stood lined up in front of Bruce. At least one of them had enough sense to be wary of that look.

Tim would say that Jon was the well behaved one of the bunch - and worryingly enough he might be - but he'd heard him yelling give em the chair at one of the two scrappers as he and Bruce came running over so he knows it's only the fact that a punch from even a baby Kryptonian would have killed a person that kept the littest Kent out of the fight rather than any idea that the fight itself was wrong. All four children look ruthlessly proud of each other.

The ones the hellions were fighting - a couple of guys Tim's age who had been stupid enough to try and bully Damian at all, let alone in front of his pack of feral raccoons - looked like they'd gone several rounds with Killer Croc before being thrown around by Bane and run over by a car. They deserved it- assholes - but they still looked rough.

One was bleeding from several bite wounds Elle had inflicted on him, earlobes a mess from where the little girl had torn his earrings out, both eyes blackened and swollen to the point he couldn't open them anymore. The other had a large red and bleeding bald spot from where Billy had ripped a good chunk of hair out, nose completely shattered- likely in retaliation for what had been done to Billy's - and elbow hanging at an odd angle. Tim's not sure which one of them had the chair - thankfully one of those fabric folding ones and not something more solid - broken over them, or which hellspawn had taken Jon's suggestion to heart, but either way he could see the twisted up remains of the item in question laying not too far away.

At least the EMTs were ushering the two weeping teens away into ambulances so they could get taken care of. Tim's pretty sure Elle and Billie would try and get a few more hits in otherwise and knowing them he doesn't doubt that at least one of the cops that had shown up on the scene would end up losing a finger or two in the process. Which normally Tim would be fine with - he has files on all of these guys and they deserve way worse than what a couple twelve year olds could do to them - but in this case he's already having a hard time convincing the officers that it's just a matter of some kids defending one of their friends from a couple of bullies.

Ugh. Some people just didn't understand children and it really showed. It was a public park, kids were gonna be kids. Just a normal childhood scrap. The real problem were the highschoolers who tried to start shit with a group of little kids.

Sure the hellions were feral and unhinged enough to be unbothered by Bruce trying to chide them about starting fights instead of getting an adult to help, but at the end of the day playground scuffles will happen and the kids were just defending themselves. Cops should be thankful that BL wasn't able to join them for the day or someone would have ended up shoved into a cooler or something.

Eh, whatever. He got them to drop the assault charges - which were ridiculous, Elle & Billie were normal twelve year olds getting into a fight, it wasn't like it was Damian with all his training and skills - and Bruce had given up on trying to be disapproving of them not reporting the attempted bullying to him instead of handling it themselves. Probably because at the end of the day he was a little proud of the little shits for defending Damian and standing up against some bullies. And really Tim was too. They might be vicious little hellspawns sent there to torment them all, but they were good kids at the end of the day and they cared about Damian enough to throw down with guys twice their size.

Tim pulled up a list of the nearest ice cream places on his phone, Bruce was totally going to cave on that front and even if he didn't Tim was willing to use his executive Big Brother privileges to get them ice cream anyway. He isn’t going to need to though. Jon had thrown his puppy dog eyes into the mix on that front and Tim knows from experience how much a kryptonian looking hopeful could get away with when it came to this family. Hell, Kon had probably taught his little brother that face for these exact kinds of situations because of how effective it was.

"I'm still going to have to tell Jazz about this." Bruce said as they shuffled off towards the restrooms to try and get everyone cleaned up, a parting shot to make up for his failure to cow them earlier.

"Please don't tell her! She’s gonna make us read articles about conflict resolution again!"

"B come on that's no fair! You said we did good not letting those assholes get away with their bullying shit!"

"Language!"

Huh, Tim thought with a grin. Maybe the little demons weren't as terrifyingly unstoppable as he thought.

[multi-level-shipper]

This shit was a fucking acid trip, like most of the game.

Anyway, something that poked my brain was the Infirmary. For all this game's insanity, there were actually some decent roots planted for worldbuilding/ character development.

It seems like the reason the cast ended up in Queen Bouncelia's domain is because they're treating the player as if they have 6 stars in GTA. Seline is no exception to this rule, and that seems to be her motivation for coming down to the lower floor, as she watched us leave in Chapter 3.

Toadster noted in his "Archives" that she was already hiding when brought in, and crying in her shell. She may have been antagonized by a bigger enemy- likely Kittysaurus or Tama/Chamataki (turtle chameleon thing), and she may have gone past the kingdom's walls for sanctuary. (That's just a loose theory, though.)

In any case, at some point she was frightened enough to shut down completely.

This could be some kind of anxiety attack, though there's no way to "diagnose" Seline at this point. Also interesting that Seline felt too afraid to even continue moving around on the lower floors. I think this is meant to speak to just how dangerous the lower floors are- if the giant ass snail is afraid, you should be, too.

Next, Jumbo Josh. Toadster categorizes him as a "Green Gorilla", which in hindsight, weirdly makes a lot of sense.

Firstly, an adult silverback gorilla can bench up to 4,000 lbs (or at least, that's what google told me.) Not that we needed an explanation of why he was able to throw Stinger Flynn, but I can only assume that if we adjusted that number for his size...it probably checks out.

Second, the fact that he walks like a chiropractor's worst nightmare. It took me a second, but I FINALLY realized that his posture is meant to IMITATE A GORILLA. Like, look at this:

DEFINITELY EXPLAINS WHY HE WALKS LIKE A HORSE IN GARRY'S MOD.

And thirdly, Josh's love for vegetables is also a gorilla trait. 85% of a gorilla's diet is leafy greens, with the remaining percentage basically amounting to termites and larvae.

Not too much to say about the Fucked Up Birds, but still! Nice to see them finally displaying a flamingo behavior (AKA their sleeping posture) because they seemed to lean more heavily on ostrich behaviors in previous chapters.

Toadster mentions in his archive for "The Teacher" that she keeps repeating the phrase "I can't be late" over and over to herself after being subdued.

He also notes that the bowling pins "calmed her down," which may not entirely be the case. In Chapter 3, in Banbaleena's "Classroom", each object had an assigned role like Cool Kid and Popular Kid. The bowling pins were meant to be the Bullies.

So Banbaleena is likely stuck in a prison of her own self-doubts right about now, which is doubly sad when considering her insistence in Chapter 3 that she was actually trying to be a good teacher. Either someone placed this idea in her head that she needs to strictly adhere to all these rules, or it's a stress she placed upon herself trying to fulfill her identity as a teacher.

Stinger Flynn gets better as the story progresses. He seems to have an ego to the point where he sees himself as a savior that can't see the faults in his own plans. His initial "safest procedures" plan seemed so obvious to him, but it seems as if he measures success by efficiency rather than the cost of human lives. While he's smart, he's not immune to being wrong, though he has yet to learn this.

He also seems to suffer from some form of depression, or at least intense sadness, and we see this as he talks to Banban in the latest hallucination sequence. Makes sense- his intelligence would make him much more privy to all the horrible things happening around him. It seems as if his high intelligence comes at a high price.

Last note- This might just be a case of recycling animations/rigs, but I think it's cute that Banban shares nearly the same emo pose as Banbaleena.

[bluedalahorse]

on flaws as opportunities and organizing the beef

I’m in the place now where I have enough distance from Young Royals season 3 to think about what felt flawed about it for me, and it led me to some interesting revelations about how I understand the characters and the story.

And to be clear: this does not mean I didn’t love season 3 with every fiber of my being, or that I think it sucks forever. Even a great production has flaws. The wonderful thing about being in fandom is that we love our shows deeply but also like to pick them apart, and in picking them apart we come up with ideas for future fics and fix its and character studies. Writing flaws are always an opportunity.

Anyway…

Thesis statement: Wilhelm and Simon don’t actually have the same beef with August, and the show should recognize that.

Or, to put it more formally, August causes them different problems that need to be addressed differently. I think that by acknowledging that more directly, and leaning into the discomfort that creates between Wille and Simon as a couple, the writers could have cleaned up some of the Wilmon-related messiness I saw in season 3 and have been mulling over for a while.

Caveat: I still need to do a full, formal rewatch of the third season. But I’ve rewatched here and there these are my preliminary thoughts.

To start, let’s recap Wille and Simon’s conflicts with August in season 1. For Simon, August is a bully and a gatekeeper when it comes to the world of Hillerska. He makes fun of Simon for being “socialist” and puts Simon in a position where he’s bringing in alcohol and then drugs for richer students’ recreation. August doesn’t pay Simon back for the alcohol the first time, which also shows a profound lack of awareness of Simon’s financial situation. Despite bullying Simon, there are times in August’s mind that he probably thinks he’s done Simon a favor. I do think, as flawed as he is about it and as much as he’s making weird speeches and doing aggressive forehead kisses, August assumes he’s really helped Simon out by getting him on the rowing team. But from Simon’s point of view this is all just more gatekeeping. Simon sees Hillerska as his ticket out of Bjärstad, and he wants to succeed in his merits as a student and a musician. But the way August treats him reminds him that his talent matters less than how many favors he can do rich boys. It also reminds him that he’s expendable to Hillerska students—August is absolutely ready to let Simon take the fall for the drugs when he feels it threatens his position.

Wille, meanwhile, is not excluded or gatekept by August but rather included more than he wants to be. Prior to the release of the video, Wille mostly finds August’s “come here and let me play your surrogate big brother” antics annoying. The debate over whether to let Simon or Alexander take the fall for the drugs is something that increases Wille’s ire toward August and makes it more serious, enough that we see Wille out August for his money troubles. But Wille also entrenches himself further in the system as a result of their argument—he still uses Alexander as a scapegoat, and he offers to pay August’s boarding fees afterward as an attempt to restore the peace between them. Their relationship isn’t seriously fractured until August releases the video. This harms Wille in the sense that it sets Wille up to deny his authentic self and makes it hard for him to engage in intimacy without trauma getting in the way. In essence, it puts Wille in a similar position of trauma that August was put in when the Erik and the third years initiated him. (Much much much more publicly, yes, but let’s note that transfer of trauma, because YR is about cycles.) 

The video also throws Wilhelm into a space where he starts to doubt his connection with Erik, because Erik told Wilhelm he could trust August. At the end of 3.4, Wille tells August that Erik would hate what he did, but I suspect he’s been wrestling with the uncertainty over whether Erik would really accept him and Simon for a long time. I don’t know if Wille really trusts Erik even though he says he does. In my opinion, it’s August’s release of the video that first brings this sense of doubt about Erik into Wille’s mind, and for three seasons we’re watching him slow burn toward actually voicing that doubt and grappling with it.

I think it’s tempting to believe that the trauma of the video release unites Wilhelm and Simon against August, and makes them feel the same sense of pain and loss, but ultimately I don’t know if that’s true. I’m not sure I see Wille and Simon as two boys in love against the world, at least not in a way that isn’t complicated. For Wille, the video affects his ability to express himself authentically and makes him doubt his relationships with his family. For Simon, the scandal of the video will now forever follow him when he wants to break free of Bjärstad and become recognized for his own merits. These are different harms from the same event that need to be dealt with differently.

One of Wille’s flaws is that he doesn’t fully realize that. I think he tends to center himself without realizing it, and sees the harm that happens to Simon as an extension of harm to himself. I actually think this is pretty interesting, and pretty in line with how Wille would have been raised as a prince. We see Kristina telling him that everything he does reflects on her and the family, so it’s natural that Wille might see a threat against Simon as a threat to himself without really thinking through how they’re going to be impacted differently. And the “prince” as a literary archetype has always been somewhat rooted in the “rescue” of others.

I explained this to @heliza24 and she said something really smart, which is, “the thing that necessarily gets lost when you muddy that is how much Wilhelm’s violations of Simon resemble August’s violations of Wilhelm.” And she’s right. I’d been trying to find a way to say that some of Wille’s actions in s3 remind me of August’s more toxic traits, and that part of Wille’s hamartia in s3 is he can’t see the ways he’s behaving similarly to August even as he shuts August out. When August releases the video, it puts Wille in a position where the royal court and Kristina are forcing him to conform more-more-more, and to hide his authentic voice from the world. Wille in turn inflicts that on Simon, acting as the royal court’s mouthpiece when they want Simon’s songs or May Day pictures deleted. We see Simon worn down to the point where he’s almost fading away. It’s actually pretty upsetting.

To that end: I also can’t help draw parallels between Wilhelm’s insistence on public gestures of affection with Simon and the way August and Felice walk arm in arm after they get together, the way he clearly wants to be seen with her. I also look at the way Wille craves Simon’s constant emotional support—especially on the night of his birthday—and see August reaching out to Sara as his emotional support lifeline.

Now, for what it’s worth, I still don’t see Wille as this awful, irredeemable person. (I don’t see August as this irredeemable person either, for that matter, and this is part of why I see Wille and August’s healing as intertwined and interdependent.) But I do think one place that season 3 fell flat for me was in the way Wille never got to recognize that his own issues with August and Simon’s issues with August weren’t exactly alike. And for Wille to recognize that some of the things he’s trying to do to heal aren’t equally healing for Simon. (Seriously, I almost tore my hair out when Wille joined the choir. It wasn’t a romantic gesture to me—I found it creepy! Let Simon have one space to himself!) 

It probably would have helped to have one scene where Simon articulates that to Wille, and really point it out. I get it if we don’t have time for Simon and August to resolve their shit in one season, and since Wille is the protagonist, he and August resolving their shit is going to take precedence. But when Wille and August are still at odds in the first part of the season, I do feel this vibe where like, Wille assumes he’s the avenger for wrong done to both him and Simon. And I kind of wanted to see that reckless avenger vibe get addressed.

@heliza24 probably describes this better than I do, but season three does have a habit of obscuring Simon’s agency from the audience, mostly so the writers can manipulate the audience’s reactions to Wilhelm and Simon, and especially so they can keep us in the dark about the fate of the Wilmon relationship during the breakup cliffhanger between episodes 5 and 6. I don’t know if this was the greatest choice, to dangle the cliffhanger over our heads, because it ends up moving a lot of Wille’s development into the last 10-15 minutes of the season and creates an issue in pacing and character arc. I wonder if they could have spaced his character arc out a little more and infused the tension into other moments and ideas. I think that could have been more satisfying.

Incidentally, this is a season 3 writing problem that’s foreshadowed in season 2 with the way Felice and Wille’s friendship is written. Felice essentially becomes Wille’s confidant as Wille attempts revenge on August. This makes sense, as Felice has her own beef with August based on how awfully he treated her in their relationship, and she’s friends with Wille, so it’s a natural alliance. But once again, it’s different beef, impacted by Felice moving through the world as a Black girl with a rich white mom, and not a white boy prince, and Felice never gets a chance to say so. Maybe it shouldn’t matter, but it does matter because season 2 episode 3 ends with… Wille kissing Felice just to feel something!!! And at the beginning of episode 4 everyone’s talking about what happened and what might be a new relationship between Wille and Felice!!! Gosh does that remind anyone of Felice’s predicament in the middle of season 1? It sure does remind the random girl in the choir, who says Felice only dates bluebloods!

The thing is, I wish Felice had been able to make that comparison more explicitly in her conversations with Wilhelm. Things obviously don’t get as bad with Wilhelm as they do with August, and Wille and Felice talk things out. But Felice doesn’t get to express herself about that as much as I wanted her to, and we don’t get much of a sense as to whether or not this changes Felice’s views of Wille’s revenge plot. She forgives him pretty quickly, and I don’t know if she should have. Just a little more careful planning on the writers’ parts could have given Felice the agency she needed in season 2.

Anyway! Let’s talk about stakes. The stakes for Wilhelm in season 3 are that he’ll become August—or more accurately, that he’ll construct an armored facade like August has constructed to get through life, and that he’ll hurt other people in the process. (This is true for Wille even with him being queer, I think. Wille may be queer, but his whiteness and wealth and power and literal hired staff of PR-minded humans are going to frame how the rest of the world responds to that queerness.) Whereas for Simon, Sara, and Felice the danger is that, in order to maintain their place in the upper class system, they’ll become dependent on someone like future August or future Wilhelm, who has a lot of power and spends most of their life in armored facade mode. 

Wilhelm and August reconciling is still important, because when they recognize one another’s humanity, they can actually be vulnerable with one another the way they need to be, and take that armor off. And I think by forging that relationship with one another, they have a space to really question the values they are raised with and act better to loved ones in the future. But we’re really just witnessing the first step. And there’s a lot more steps they need to take with one another, and with the other people in their lives.

What can I learn from this as a fan and writer?

Thinking about this actually helped me understand a point of view in fandom that I’ve always disagreed with. I still disagree with it, but I think I understand it better now. Periodically I’ll encounter points of view where August is seen as the worst kind of evil, the sort of person where you unite with each other to take him down once and for all. You know… Avengers Assemble! Or something. In some fan’s minds, he’s the kind of guy everyone at Hillerska should turn against at once and ultimately reject for the sake of narrative catharsis. A symbol of the corrupt system and nothing more.

And I never really saw August that way. He can be awful and annoying at times, and extremely harmful at other times. He often makes things much worse for our other main characters a lot of the time. Often times he is the most direct representative of the system that’s causing them problems. On the other hand, he’s also capable of really, truly caring about people and community, as much as he gets in his own way about it. We also know a greater extent of his trauma now and how it affects him. All in all he seems as human and as in need of liberation as all the other characters of Young Royals. It makes sense that he’s the one of five who hasn’t left behind the system yet, but I feel like one day he can maybe get there. I feel like those are the writers’ intentions, and the show’s intentions overall. Certainly this is also the version of August that Malte’s acting reflects.

I think I also understand now why I don’t always see eye to eye with others about Wille. I adore Wille, but I think sometimes the assertion others make that “Wille has one brain cell and it’s being in love with Simon” feels threatening to me rather than adorable. Wille is really really fascinating to me in that falling in love nudges him to question things about his position, but it doesn’t erase his relationship to his privilege entirely, and he can be pretty flawed in how he understands his power and how it plays out in a relationship. I think for others, they might see Wille as protective and caring toward Simon. Whereas I see him (and prefer to see him portrayed) as intending to be protective but definitely at times overstepping and putting Simon in a more negative place than before. I think part of this is caused by a writing problem in seasons 2 and 3. We see the negative impact the relationship can have on Simon—look it absolutely breaks my heart when Ayub mentions how Simon deleting his social media will make him sad—but I don’t know if Simon gets as much of a chance to articulate that to Wille or even to the audience as I want him to. And I also see Simon and Wille’s very different conflicts with August as part of that.

Moving forward… these flaws in seasons 2 and 3 don’t ruin my love of the show. They aren’t me saying the show is bad. They’re disappointing, because Young Royals is so good in so many ways that it sucks when it does let us down. But basically everything I like has a flaw one way or another, because literally no work is perfect. And right now I’d rather look at the flaws in YR and say, this is something I can learn from and play with in fanfic.

(And sometimes there are times when tumblr wants to explain all the flaws of a show away and idealize it and I wonder… can we not do that? Because sometimes claiming a show is perfect and flawless limits discussion and creativity. I get just as frustrated with people idealizing the Wilmon pairing and putting it on a moral pedestal, which has ultimately led to me blocking the tag from my dash. I like them a lot more when I think about them as complex teenage humans who fuck up a lot and not a godlike ideal of romance. I love them, your honor! But I think I need to love them independent of the tag.)

As for where this goes in fanfic, I think this once again leaves things open for fans to explore. Once again, I think there’s a whole interesting story to be explored in terms of how August and Simon work through their shit, and how that really has to happen in a space that’s in part independent of Wille. A shared relationship with Wilhelm might be the catalyst for why they’re working through their shit, but some of what’s going to happen has to happen without him there. (For what it’s worth, I think we see flashes of Simon and August beginning to understand one another throughout the series—Simon is running some really interesting mental calculus when he realizes August has an eating disorder, shout out to Omar’s acting there—but those threads always get dropped or interrupted. It’s infinitely frustrating to me as someone who likes both characters and wanted to see them talk honestly for once but didn’t quite get that.)

I also think this gives me interesting questions about where Wille and Simon’s relationship could go next in fanfic. Independent of the monarchy, I think Wille is still going to have to work through his instinct to be an angry avenger or reckless rescuer at times, and the part where he assumes he and Simon are harmed in the same way by the same things. Even in a world where Wille doesn’t have a title, he’ll still have wealth and white privilege that Simon doesn’t. And I don’t think that has to get in the way of their future happiness, but watching them navigate through that is something that draws me into a story idea.

So, you know. This has been an update on my fannish desires. At least, my fannish desires that do not involve the rest of the YR characters, various ships on Heartbreak High, and Interview with the Vampire season 2 finally airing today. There’s a lot going on in this brain and none of it is the work I need to get done.

[bked0n-lorazepam]

Hey! Mind doing a NSFW and SFW alphabet for Patrick (it) ???💗

"Patrick Hockstter SFW Alphabet"

---------------->

Kind of self explanatory, I had fun writing this one! Here's the NSWF one too, "Patrick Hockstetter NSFW Alphabet"

Words: 1,605

Off to it!

---------------->

A= Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Not at all. Patrick will not act like your boyfriend, or like you two are in a romantic relationship. That man is there for sex and sex only, he is not going to hug you or have any hand holding. The most he’ll do is stop the rest of the Bower’s Gang or anyone else from bullying you, but only because they’re scared of him and because he gets jealous when other people make you cry instead of him.

B= Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start)

As a ‘best friend’, Patrick wouldn’t be the best. He’d influence you to do things your parents don’t want you to, and he’s definitely the peer pressure kid that school assemblies warn you about. It’d probably start with him forcing you to give him test answers, and then he'd just keep asking for homework answers, and then the teachers would see how ‘well’ you two work together, and they’d pair you up as project partners because no one else can handle Patrick. So, it starts off as unfortunate and unwilling get togethers, and then it’d progress from there.

C= Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

No. Absolutely not. Patrick would not be serious or actually like cuddles. If you were really upset at him over something (forcing you to have sex), he’d throw his arms around you and wouldn’t let you go until you ‘forgive’ him. But he would not cuddle you.

D= Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think Patrick would like to settle down. He’d get bored of you, there’s no doubting it. When you go to college, he’d probably forget about you until one of you comes back years later, and then your spark flares up again and you suddenly feel like a teenager again. He’s awful at cooking and cleaning, and if he did settle down, he’d expect you to do it all. 

E= Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Since you aren’t technically dating, he’d just go find another town girl to sleep with. But if it’s something even a little serious, he’d tell you he’s bored and just get up and leave. 

F= Fiance (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Again, Patrick would not be one to settle down and marry you. He’d probably think marriage is stupid, to be honest. Why would he be stuck with just one person for the rest of his life when he could have anyone he wanted?

G= Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Patrick is not a gentle lover. He’s a rough guy, and he doesn’t really have emotions. You know, solipsism will do that to you. He wouldn’t really care that much about you, you’re just a toy to get his emotions out on. 

H= Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it and what is it like?)

No, he doesn’t. Patrick would hug you from behind while you’re cooking or something, but only to show you that he’s hard or that he wants something from you. 

I= I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I don’t think he’d really say “I love you”, mostly because, again, solipsism. But also because, again, he doesn’t really care that much about you.

J= Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they get jealous?)

Very jealous. Always. He’d probably hurt whoever you showed even the slightest bit of affection to, and make you make it up to him. Patrick gets angry and jealous quickly, so expect a long night of crying, screaming, and sex. 

K= Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Rough and painful. Patrick would kiss you anywhere he could, and anywhere he can leave a mark. He bites too, so beware. He’s fine with just getting kissed on the lips, but if you kiss the tip of his dick like his lips, he’s ecstatic.

L= Little ones (How are they around children?)

Terrible. We have evidence with Avery. Do not have children with Patrick Hockstetter.

M= Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Every now and then he’ll be there in your bed with you. It’s the only time he looks even remotely peaceful, and the only time you can look at him and enjoy his looks. But, it doesn’t last long, because soon his eyes are opening and his teeth are on your neck.

N= Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Long and mixed with pleasure and pain. Sometimes you guys sneak out and go smoke somewhere, or go to a party, but when you’re at your house and he’s sleeping over? You can’t move when you wake up.

O= Open (When will they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or do they reveal little things slowly?)

He doesn’t really open up, like at all. If you’re lucky, he’ll let one or two things slip while he’s high or drunk. But other than that, he keeps to himself. He doesn’t think you’re worthy for him to tell you stuff, since he’s the only one in the world. Plus, shouldn’t you know already? The only reason you exist is to please him, anyway, right?

P= Patience (How easily are they angered?)

Very easily. Like, drop a beer can while giving it to him and he’s taking you to a bathroom or somewhere private to yell and ‘punish’ you. Patrick hates when you mess things up, and you’re always walking on eggshells around him.

Q= Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail or forget the minor things?)

He literally wouldn’t remember a thing about you. Maybe some stuff about what you wear and what your schedule is, and maybe who your friends are. But other than that, he doesn’t care at all. 

R= Remember (What is their favorite moment of your relationship?)

When he first saw you cry. He loved it, and not like when the other girls would cry. Whether you’re an ugly crier or a pretty one, Patrick loves watching your mascara run down your face and see you get all red and whiny. 

S= Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

He’s protective to the point where he has a hand on your waist at all times if you’re both in public together, but only because he doesn’t want any other guys to think you’re on the market. You’re his property and his only, only he can hurt you and make you feel like shit. He’d get the gang to gang up on someone if they tried to do something to you, but then he’d turn around and blame you for being so stupid for letting it happen, and for thinking that someone could hurt you more than he could. Then he’s proving you wrong and making sure you remember who can really hurt you.

T= Try (How much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

No effort at all. Don’t expect anything from him. Ever.

U= Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Literally everything. His poor hygiene, the fact that he forces you to have sex when you don’t want it, the fridge, his smoking and drinking habits, the genuine abuse and manipulation you go through. The list doesn’t end.

V= Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? What about yours?)

Not very. Again, poor hygiene. He doesn’t think anyone’s real, so obviously he doesn’t think beauty standards apply to him. Even though, somehow, he still manages to look good. For you, it definitely depends on how you think about him. He could be a person who also doesn’t believe in beauty standards, and would date anyone or anything, but he could also be the worst and most sexist prick about how you look. It all depends on how you view him.

W= Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Definitely not. He wouldn’t let you leave him, so don’t even think about trying. And since you can’t leave, why would he feel incomplete? But if he left you, then he doesn’t give two fucks about you anymore. Fat chance he’s already moving on to the next town slut because he’s bored.

X= Xtra )A random headcanon for them)

He has bought you jewelry with his initials engraved on the insides that you don’t notice, and he gets hard when he sees you wearing them because to him it’s like showing you’re his property. You think he’s just doing something nice, a shocker, but really, he’s doing it because a necklace is the closest thing to a collar with his name on it that he can get you to wear in public.

Y= Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

I don’t really know about this one. I never really thought of this, because I don’t think there’s much he wouldn’t like or that he would really care about.

Z= Zzz (What are some sleeping habits of theirs?

He snores, has wet dreams of you, moves around all the time, and sleep talks. One time, you both had sex, and halfway through you realized he was still asleep. 

[annabtg]

Can I ask why you like James? Everything he and his friends did are toxic male traits. They deserved to be expelled for how they treated Snape. All that guy wanted to do was study and spend time with the girl he loved. Snape shouldn’t have called her a mudblood but that was provoked by James. That guy had ruined Snape’s future and made him turn to the dark arts. How can you support someone like that?. Lily was in love with Snape and I’m certain James snuck a love potion to her or manipulated her into thinking Snape was evil. Snape deserved a happy ending with Lily, and he would have been a better father to Harry than James ever could have. Unfortunately, James arrogant and bullying personality rubbed off on his son. I don’t get how you people can like character like that. Snape deserved Lily because he loved her more than James ever could have.

Is this 2015 Quora?

Well, I meant to get some writing done, but there's always the afternoon, I suppose. I can never resist an opportunity to ramble about my favourite characters!

Can I ask why you like James?

Sure you can (case in point) but why do you care? Do I know you? Do you read my writing? It doesn't seem like it, because he has a central role in it, often highlighted with tags such as "James Potter is a Little Shit", so you'd have an idea already. You're probably just asking to distract me from writing more fic about him. Slightly bothersome, but ultimately beneficial to my essay-writing skills.

Everything he and his friends did are toxic male traits.

As a pharmacist, I will tell you that the dose makes the poison. Anything can be toxic if you take enough of it.

They deserved to be expelled for how they treated Snape.

They did die in the end, which I understand is not as good a punishment as being expelled, but it will have to do.

All that guy wanted to do was study and spend time with the girl he loved.

Spending time with the girl you love is only a nice and honourable thing if she also wants the same thing. If she tells you she's not interested, it's creepy and disgusting.

Snape shouldn’t have called her a mudblood but that was provoked by James.

I fail to understand how a boy who can't even begin to utter the word and is obviously smitten with a girl, can convince another boy to call that same girl a racial slur. It seems rather counterintuitive.

That guy had ruined Snape’s future and made him turn to the dark arts.

Okay listen, I know that working with teens can be a pain sometimes but overall getting a job with tenure at the most prestigious magic school of Britain at the age of 19 is hardly a ruined future. I have many friends who would turn to the dark arts for it.

How can you support someone like that?

Well, he's hot and I have a thing for arrogant smart-arses.

Lily was in love with Snape and I’m certain James snuck a love potion to her or manipulated her into thinking Snape was evil.

Wait, no, we're not on 2015 Quora. 2015 Quora would be claiming that Lily was an ungrateful bitch who treated Snape so badly even though the poor sod loved her with all his life. Because honestly, we never see her showing any kind of love towards Snape. She's always lashing out at him or trying to get something out of him. So self-centered.

Snape deserved a happy ending with Lily, and he would have been a better father to Harry than James ever could have.

As the wonderfully loving way he treated Harry in the books proves beyond doubt, I assume?

Unfortunately, James arrogant and bullying personality rubbed off on his son.

I'm going to have to play the scientist card again but I have to inform you that genes don't work quite like that.

I don’t get how you people can like character like that.

Does this post help at all?

Snape deserved Lily because he loved her more than James ever could have.

Lily was a whole person and could choose her own partner. If she would rather marry the guy who loved her less, that's on her, not on James. I suppose he must have had some qualities that compensated for his less-than-perfect love.

[ihni]

Fist-fights and kisses

For @harringrovemicrofic, the February prompt: "Explode" (772 words) (Also side note, but do you realize how difficult it is to write a RHYME that ends up in an exact amount of words???)

Anyway.

~~~

Press down on the pedal; go harder, go faster Away from a slip-up, towards a disaster So what if he ends up all wrapped ‘round a tree? And dies in this shit-hole, so far from the sea?

He flies down the dark road, he’s rocketing, soaring He speeds up until the car’s engine is roaring He takes a turn sharply, he’s almost off-road He grits his teeth harshly; about to explode

Drive on in the darkness, don’t stop and don’t linger Ain’t no one got Billy wrapped tight ‘round their finger He cannot be tied-down, he cannot be tamed (A lie, he admits; he is leashed and ashamed)

He cannot show weakness – he’s always the strongest (At least he’s pretended to be, for the longest) He’s wild (he’s controlled) and he’s fearless (he’s scared) He’s charming and smiling (a mask with teeth bared)

This town is a prison, the move retribution Billy’s the problem to Hawkins’ solution His dad brought him here so he would be set straight So far it’s not working; he’ll die at this rate

If Billy dares speak up, Neil calls him a faggot And tells him he’s useless; worth less than a maggot If late, he gets punished; gets bruises and welts If loud, he gets beaten; with fists and with belts

His father once burned him with a lit cigarette And that wasn’t nearly the worst he would get If Neil finds out what his own son did tonight? It’s over for Billy; goodbye and goodnight

~~~

Steve is confused and his bruised cheek is stinging His eyes; wide and staring, his ears; red and ringing Yet all of that now takes a backseat to this: The memory of Billy’s lips against his

A kiss, Steve is certain, which does not make sense Perhaps it was just some bizarre self-defense? They had been fighting and Steve was not losing (Which was, on its own, a little confusing)

They fought and they pushed and they punched and they battled Both of them eager but none of them rattled Just two boys fighting; a scuffle, a brawl Which ended when Billy was thrown to the wall

It wasn’t the usual way their fights ended And probably not what Steve’s rival intended; His back to the wall, with Steve’s arm against his throat Steve opened his mouth – to taunt, perhaps to gloat?

And that was when Billy reversed their positions He re-wrote the rules and he changed the conditions He held on and grimaced and then, with a hiss He leaned in and Steve’s lips met his in a kiss

Steve froze where he stood, ‘cause he did not expect it There wasn’t a reason for him to suspect it Why was he– What was he trying to prove? Steve did not kiss back, he was too shocked to move

He felt as if he was the cure to starvation As Billy kept kissing with raw desperation Steve let out the first sound since all this began And Billy? He drew back, eyes wide – and then ran

~~~

His life here is over, a moment of weakness Was all that it took, now the future is bleakness He shouldn’t have done it, he was such a fool Come Monday, oh Steve will have told the whole school

They will all believe him, ‘cause no one likes Billy He’s popular, sure, but he’s got no friends really A day, at the most, and then Neil will find out The subsequent ‘talk’ will be painful, no doubt

If Billy survives it, he’s grounded forever He won’t have a life after this whatsoever Bullied and carless and locked in his room Hurting and aching, it’s safe to presume

If Neil does not kill him, the people in town might They hate his kind here, it will be a town highlight He’s all out of options, he’s on his last leg He will have to go back to Steve’s house and beg

Forgiveness and mercy, he hopes he can get it That impulse to lean in – oh how he’ll regret it If he could have just tampered down on his need If he could have not given in to his greed

He drives back to Steve’s place, his heart beating madly No crash on the way there, he makes it safe (sadly) He swallows and walks up to Harrington’s door Prepared to kneel right there on Harrington’s floor

The red door swings open before he can knock He starts to say “Sorry–“, then shuts up in shock Because that’s Steve’s hand on the back of his head And this time it’s Steve kissing Billy instead

~~~

(On AO3)

[afrogwhocantdraw]

Giving the Sbg gang Madilyn Mei songs- Ben

Each character has about 2 songs I think fit them best and I'm gonna explain in depth why I chose the songs I did

So starting off with Ben because he's where I started this whole thing, this will have backstory spoilers for him (which I highly doubt anyone hasn't seen before but regardless) I really reccomend listening to the songs first, mainly cause their really good. But this should make sense anyway if you don't really want to

Song 1: Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

This one's a pretty self explanatory one, the entire premise of the song fits with Ben, but particularly with his backstory, if there are phrases in quotes and in italics/bold are song lyrics

The first lyric of the song is

"I must be a sheep in wolfs clothing"

which is exactly what ben was, as it says above, despite Ben's outward appearance seeming intimidating, he is actually quite timid.

Another lyric slightly later on is "If you follow me, I won't know what to do, Planned on following you" Which is something that described Ben almost exactly, as Ashlyn says in episode 27

Ben doesn't know what to do with himself anymore, so he follows Aiden around to try find out "what to do" as the song says.

"I'll blow your house down, if that's what all the other wolves do" I think this (aswell as kind of relating to the way his house was actually destroyed) is when he begins to pick up street fighting. While he does it out of frustration rather than intentionally copying the people who bullied him (they are the "wolves" in this if you couldn't tell), he eventually did become similar to them.

"One day my whole brain had fallen out of my pocket now it collects dust on a shelf" I think this bit relates to when Ben loses his voice, because that's the turning point in his life, when he loses the thing most important to him. And after that he follows Aiden around ("now it collects dust on a shelf", he isn't following himself, he goes along with whatever Aiden is doing)

"I lie awake at night, counting all my old friends as I try to fall asleep, forgot what they,what they,what they look like"

While they weren't his friends, I think this relates to the group of people who bullied him back in sixth or seventh grade, he probably thinks back to that time alot and as seen below (which is probably just because it's Aiden recounting the event but it still counts) they aren't (aside from Shane, who I think is gonna be remembered clearly cause he made the most difference) shown very cleary, you cant tell exactly what they look like aside from their hair.

Song 2: Cryptid

This one's lyrics don't work as well but it's more about the song itself that I think fits Ben

The song is about (as the name suggests) a cryptid, who isn't seen as scary by others but wants to prove themself because they feel like they don't deserve a name. In the end they choose their own (simple) name which they feel they deserve. I cannot really explain why I connect it with Ben really it just seems to fit with his character.

The only lyrics I think explicitly fit ben are:

"they just laugh it makes me livid"

"I'm not scary, like I should be" This is the line I think made me make the connection, because of his size, people assume Ben should be scary, when in reality he's actually really sweet and that misconception affects him because that's what causes Shane and his gang to focus on Ben and start trying to recruit him.

That's all I really have for now! Gonna get started on the next one right away

( @rot-decay-erosion sorry for the tag again, would you like to be tagged in all of these or not?)

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

༉‧₊˚. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐛 || 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

― pairing: spencer reid x plus size!reader

― summary: after a case involving an old childhood bully, you began to question everything you've ever worked for, but that's nothing a little reassurance from the good doctor can't fix.

― warnings: oral sex (fem rec.), vaginal fingering, exhibitionism, head in the jet bathrooms (lord), spencer has long hair, man ponytail spence, quiet "sex." hurt/comfort, mentions of kidnapping, murder, violence, bullying, hostage situations, and weapons.

― wc: 2403

⋆ a/n: this is the first ever fanfiction i wrote and uploaded to ao3. i don't know why i made it so long lmfao. yeah, i googled the term whiplash, sue me. this has already been posted to ao3.

masterlist | AO3

You wish what you wanted wasn't inappropriate. That it didn't totally go against everything that you stood for as a person. Morally, you were always correct, but in this certain situation, the lines began to get blurred between your self-control and your burning desire for the genius on your team.

Your body bursts into flames whenever you saw him; when he had his glasses perched onto his nose, a file in his hand as his long and delicate fingers skimmed over the words, lighting grazing them. Even when the others thought his constant spewing of facts were annoying, you actually found it endearing, and quite the turn on. It was embarrassing really, how this man could simply just exist and you were ready to jump his bones.

Of course you doubted that he had held any sort of attraction for you. He's probably the most oblivious person you've ever met dispite his IQ of 187.

It was another case that was just as exhausting as the other, and not only that, it took place in your hometown. What made it worse was that you actually knew the person that was the murderer, which made you vital to the case. You could sense that everyone besides the team was side eyeing you, and you couldn't help but feel like an outcast. You were frustrated and tense, wanting nothing more than to have sleep swallow you whole.

The jet was quiet, almost everyone still asleep as you counted the stars in the dark sky that you could see from your window. The whole situation was overwhelming, no matter how many sympathetic words and tight hugs you had received, you were still bothered to no end. Eric was a part of your close friend group in highschool, but after a falling out, you were the only one that left. You had no idea that he and the others stayed close until you were called down to solve a double homicide and stalking situation.

You figured out that he still harbored feelings for your long time friend, Stacy. Of course as fate would have it —and highschool cliches— she got with the jock of your friend group, Ryan. They got married, but Eric was still as jealous and bitter as he was when he was seventeen. He chose to kill the couple and be on his way to kill the others that were left. You couldn't help but think about what if you were still friends with them, would he be after you too? You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, throwing the blanket that you had draped over you onto it as you made your way to the bathroom.

When you had gotten inside, you shut the door behind you, pressing your hands onto the cool counter in an attempt to ground yourself. You stared into the mirror to take in your disheveled form.

You watched as your highschool self formed right in front of your very eyes; your frizzy hair, pimpled face and braced teeth had all of a sudden reappeared, like a dream like fog. You still looked as tired as you did then, your eyes clouding with tears. Not only were you devastated about your old friends deaths, but it was also what Eric had said when he held another friend, Amanda, at gun point.

"Just because you got a fancy badge and gun doesn't mean you're still not the same brace face that nobody wanted."

You were embarrassed in front of your team, the media, as well as the other police officers at the scene.

As Eric was brought down to his knees and handcuffed, he walked past your glaring gaze with a smirk. You could've sworn that your finger that was pressed against the trigger twitched. You were the first one to have left, your skin burning in shame and your gut twisting in the most painful way possible. It hurt really, and now the after effects were sticking to you like glue. As if the insults that you get for being a bigger FBI was enough as it is, this was just the icing on the cake. You had worked so hard to move on from your past, but alas, it would always seem to find you.

Tears dripped down your face as a silent sob ripped through you. You just wanted to disappear. As your self wallowing continued, the bathroom door was opened scaring you and the person on the other side.

"Sorry!" Spencer squeaked, closing the door back up. "It's fine," You chuckled, "I wasn't doing anything anyway." You wiped your tears hastily before the man re-entered.

His faced quickly crumpled in concern, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of your saddened facial features. "Why are you crying?" You waved your hand in an attempt to dismiss his question. He hesitated before speaking."Is this— is this about what happened earlier?" You let out a sigh. "Shut the door." And he did, closing it quietly behind him as he looked at you worriedly.

"It wasn't about the "brace face" comment. It was the fact that I had allowed myself to let him make me feel small. I worked so hard to get where I am, and it was like one word from him and all of it just came crumbling down." You ranted, tears threatening to come down once more.

In all of your years as an FBI agent, you had learned to not let such crude words get to you knowing that it was a part of your job that wasn't going to go away anytime soon. Everyone on your team has heard their fair share of insults from bitter UnSubs, and they're always just ignored and not thought twice about until it included someone close to them.

"You know that everything he said wasn't true, right?" Spencer asked, his tone soft and reassuring. Even though he phrased it like a question, it was more like he was telling you, causing your stomach to twist around with butterflies. "I know, I just—" You groaned, your back against the counter where the sink was at, your face held in your hands. You felt him step in front of you, soft but skinny hands placing themselves on your wrist to stop them from covering your face.

"If it's it uh—" He cleared his throat, "If it's any consolation, I think you're absolutely gorgeous." He said bravely, his voice holding unforseen confidence. You blinked rapidly, swallowing your spit nervously as he leaned closer to you. You could see it in his eyes that he was afraid that he read the room wrong, but you didn't hesitate, grabbing him by his orange tie and pulling him closer against you.

He was now gripping the counter, his head tilted to the side as his lips barely brushed again yours.

"You mean it?" You asked, staring up at him. It was his turn to be rendered speechless, but he nodded his head. You smiled sweetly, raising a hand up to tuck some of his long hair behind his ear. He trembled slightly at your touch, the skin of his ears and the back of his neck flushing a deep red. You held him in a strong gaze as you made your demand.

"Lock the door."

All he had to do was lean over and the locked snapped, signaling that you were both now in here together. You locked your fingers in his hair and pulled him into a kiss, Spencer cradling your face. He was an excellent kisser even though he was slightly hesitant, being a gentleman as always. His hands were respectful even though you can tell they wanted to explore more of your curvaceous body that were filled in all the right places.

You took his hands off of your face and placed them on your ass, your hands giving him an encouraging squeeze around the fat. He groaned in surprise, but opting to throw all caution to the wind once you had took the initiative to show him that it was okay. Your threaded your digits through his luscious locks until he bent downward a bit, his lips separating from yours for only a split second to haul you onto the marble. You let out a quiet squeak that he only chuckled at.

He kissed down your neck, hands touching all over you until they reached your spread thighs, opening them wider so he could step in between them. He wrapped them around his tiny waist, his lips continuing their assault.

"Spence. . ." You breathed. "Yeah?" He mumbled, lips kissing down to your breast. His voice was muffled by the fabric of your shirt but he was still alert. "Are you sure you want to do this here?" You asked. With the way his needy hands were going and the fact that the belt on your dress pants were undone , it was looking like he was about to finger you at the least. He looked up at you, holding your face in his hands again.

"I want to show you how beautiful you are to me, but if you'd rather wait, maybe until I take you on a date—" You cut off his rambling with a peck, "No need, just make sure to be quiet." You winked at him. He smiled sheepishly shrugging off his grey vest before falling to his knees so that he was faced with your clothed crotch. Your body was keening at the sight of the tall man in front of you, the supposed genius now reduced to nothing more than a mouth. It was hot how he looked at you with so much admiration, like you were his goddess to worship.

You stared down at him, running your fingers through his long hair, biting your lip.

"Can you—" He gulped. "Can you please lift your hips?" His shaky fingers were tucked into the band of your pants, pupils blown out and and pleading. You did as he asked to make the process of him stripping you of your lower half easier. You were now bare and open to him, legs spread with your glistening sex clenching around nothing. He gulped at the sight of your drenched cunt, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips before leaned forward, his tongue licking a bold stripe up your folds that caused you to bite your lip.

"Wait." You paused. "What?" He asked, his voice gravelly as he watched you reach up into your hair to pull out your hair tie. Even though your locks fell around your face, you gestured for him to lean up a bit. "C'mere," You beckoned. You then went around his head, collecting his hair gently before tying it back so that none of it got in his way.

"There you go." You said, sounding pleased with yourself. "Thank you." He blushed. His gratitude was short lived as he leaned forward once more, throwing both of your legs over his shoulders so that he was suffocated by your large thighs. You held onto his ponytail, trying your best not to tug on the thing too hard. As he suckled on your clit, he watched as you slapped a hand over your mouth, harsh breaths coming out of you as your legs tightened around his head.

Your chest was heaving as Spencer's nails dug into the skin of your thighs in an attempt to keep himself grounded. You were barely holding on, his inexperienced tongue searching desperately to see what you liked, what got you off, his dough eye's peering up at you to study your reactions. He mentally took notes of what made you twitch and gasp, what made you tremble and tighten as your hand clamped harder around your mouth in an attempt to keep yourself from being too loud.

You almost screamed when one of his fingers joined his attack, his middle finger curling against the spongy padding of your g-spot. You began to shake, your juices dripping down his chin, almost soaking the collar of his dress shirt as he brought you closer to a mind blowing orgasm. It didn't take long for you to cum once his ring finger breached you as well.

Your jaw went slack, your back arching and your hand slipped from off of your mouth. He pulled away from your now weeping opening, his chest heaving and strands of his hair sticking out from under the elastic of the band. He looked more destroyed than you in a humorous way.

"Wow..." You giggled, sitting up in order to stretch your back. He shakily got up, his knees slightly aching from sitting on them for so long. You pulled him into you, releasing his hair from the band and massaging his scalp. His hands placed themselves onto your naked and splayed out thighs, hands warming at the feeling of your soft skin.

"Did I— did I do good?" Even though he whispered it, it still made you smile endearingly. "You did great, Doctor." You teased as he smiled softly. Embarrassingly enough, he reached over a bit to grab some toilet paper in order to wipe his mouth from your release. Your face flushed as he dropped the soiled paper into the toilet next to the both of you.

"We should get out of here, don't you think?" You brought up, which prompted him to grab your pants and underwear in a hurry. "Right, right." He agreed, helping you off the counter and assisting you in getting your clothes on.

Before you two left, he pulled you into him by your waist.

"Would like to go on a date?" There was that same confidence again. "Of course, Spence. And what's with you and this duality? It's giving me whiplash." You chuckled, throwing your arms around his neck. "Actually, whiplash is an injury caused by a severe jerk to the head, typically in a motor-vehicle accident—" You cut him off with a peck, "I know, I was being sarcastic." You sighed, but there was no irritation behind it. He smiled sheepishly, "Sorry."

He made sure to sneak you out first, flushing the toilet to ensure his ruse. You found yourself chuckling at his extremities, but nonetheless was satisfied as he took a seat next to you. He pulled the blanket over the both of you as his hand met yours, interlacing your fingers together before dozing off on your shoulder.

[ikamigami]

My thoughts on Eclipse

I understand that not everyone has to agree with me on this for various reasons. Also I'm not trying to condone Eclipse's abuse or bad actions. None of the things Eclipse went through justify the awful things he did - which I think that new version of Eclipse is aware of.

I think that OG Eclipse wanted to be better than Old Moon - better as a brother hence why the first thing he wanted to do upon meeting Lunar for the first time was to hug him.

Lunar ignored Eclipse then because he had games - this action hurt Eclipse so much because it reminded him of how it felt when he realized that he was abandoned by Old Moon.

I think that Eclipse was questioning why he slapped Lunar because he wanted to be better than Old Moon yet he did the exact same thing. But because he thinks that regret is a sign of weakness he decided to push these feelings away.

Also when Eclipse apologized - I think that Eclipse has a problem with sounding genuine when he apologizes because he doesn't want to seem weak so it results in the apology coming across as disingenuous.

I think that Eclipse didn't want to end up like Sun hence why he try so hard (too hard) to not be seen as weak.

Would OG Eclipse apologize to Lunar? I don't think so. Though I think that abusers can feel genuine remorse - Old Moon is good example of this yet he never apologized to Sun for all the shit he had done to him - and OG Eclipse is a parallel to Old Moon.

Also Old Moon also rarely apologized to Sun for his behaviour and even if he did it was coming across as disingenuous because he still continued to be abusive towards Sun.

We can argue if showrunners did a good job in showing that Eclipse cared but I digress because we see that now Eclipse is changing.

I think that Eclipse still was abusive towards Lunar more than that one slap. Lunar probably doesn't remember much things from that time in details due to trauma and death causing his memory issues.

I agree though that Lunar was too self-centered and that even if he saw exactly why Eclipse was the way he was he didn't do anything about it. Though it's dabatable if Lunar could've done more - it's not always that easy to say "yes" or "no" in these types of situation because it's not as "black and white" as people think.

Abuse in family is more often than not a very complicated matter.

I used to think that Eclipse is only manipulative and nothing more but I changed my mind upon seeing more of his perspective.

I sympathize with him but like I said I don't condone his actions and abuse. Though I don't want to force anyone to feel sympathy towards Eclipse. It's an individual thing.

Though like I said people are way dismissive to Old Moon's abuse towards Sun than to Eclipse's abuse towards Lunar.

Also Lunar doesn't have to forgive Eclipse and honestly I doubt that he will.

And slightly unrelated I like that new Eclipse is more understanding towards Sun hence why he tries to not be so mean to him and why he avoids him or at least that's what I think.

Slight rant under the cut

The only issue I have is that people were saying that they see that Eclipse cared and that he also suffers which turned out to be true later. Though majority of fans didn't see it like that at the time when it were just speculations.

But when I tried to explain that I see hints to Sun having depressive psychosis and being suicidal majority of fans didn't agree which is okay. But what's not okay is that some folks were bullying me for this and spreading lies about me.

And they say that show disproved my speculations about Sun with "Sun has a child" episode but the truth is that they not only didn't disprove anything which I already pointed out in my recent post about that episode but they also harmed not only me but also many other fans with mental issues as well by portraying Miku like that in that episode.

Also I don't like that people can freely relate to Eclipse and other characters but I apparently can't relate to Sun because I'll receive backlash for it.

I also don't like how Moon no matter old or new is always in the spotlight when Sun just gets mostly funny lore episodes.

Also I don't believe in Sun healing off-screen. And while I think that Sun is doing better compared to last year, I think that he's still not fine - he just either denies it or just tries not to worry others.

[gojokinni]

DAZAI ANALYSIS

Ok, so I actually thought a lot about posting something like this, because it would mean revealing a lot of personal stuff about me... However I felt like sharing my vision on Dazai, my favorite character, someone I relate to so much it hurts...

To start this character analysis, I'm actually going to analyze myself. Today I know that I am a deeply disturbed person, since I was in primary school and maybe before I was obsessed with sexual relations, I have no idea why, and to this day I don't know where it came from. All I know is that it led me to possess sexual trauma due to some "experiences" ( no r*pe, or pedophilia). One thing is sure,if I had to take my phone back in a hospital, I'd definitely be able to have a s*xual relationship for it.

I also have a severe lack of empathy. Which is weird since I'm a true emotional sponge... I will not understand how you feel, will not know how to comfort you, will not relate or put myself in your shoes. All of that is tiring to me, weird, I simply don't get it.

I was also probably one of the worst bully to ever exist, not physically but verbally. I never treated my "friends" fairly , was always bossy and mean. And you know what's the worst ? It's that I never realized it, not in the sense that I was young and didn't know better, but more like someone took over and talked instead of me. As if I was protecting myself. It made many people hate me and no matter what I do it'll always be like that.

Today, I have only 2 or 3 people I seem to genuinely care about and even then I really doubt they'd stay. I never really showed them who I was, always hiding behind sarcasm and self depreciating jokes.

Basically, I'm a weird mix between pragmatic and emotional. I can't function in society and will probably never be able to. Isolation, and solitude are what I dream of, not because I love these but because I can't seem to deal with others... Many would say I'm a psycho. I think I am.

That's where I relate to Dazai. I'm not a killer, I never tortured anyone, and while I was probably abusive mentally, I was never physically. However I get how he acts. Not having any morals, to be like a virus, someone so different from others that you could never integrate. You still try, because of diverse reasons, but even then you feel like it's not where you should really be.

Nobody knows who you are, firstly because you've always hidden yourself behind a different persona, but most importantly because you don't know yourself who you are. Everyday that passes, you feel empty, devoid of any things that make people's life interesting and bright.

Every time I see a rant post about how Dazai is a monster, it really makes me wanna cry, hide myself in my bed and never get out. Because it's me. Things are not as easy as :" oh he's a psycho, bad bad person". It's not that easy to act accordingly as everyone wants when you don't get it. I know that I could never come up to my ex-friends, look at them and say I'm sorry, just like how Dazai will never look at Akutagawa and say I'm sorry. Not because I'm heartless but because it won't get out. Even though I'm strong at lying, manipulating, even though I do that every day.

It's frustrating to not know who you are. To be a monster in everybody's eyes and even yours. Guess what, I'm deeply, disturbed, probably mentally ill, many would call me broken, and I already do it. I love Dazai, would defend him till the end of my life. He's my favorite character. Why ?

Because he's me.