trembesijepara

[pedge-stuff]

thermos (pedro pascal x gn/m!reader)

a/n: same vague universe as “marked.” drop a line if you have a sug. (:

summary: sometimes, love boils on the stove. (set 2021.)

————————————————————————

It had been a long fucking day.  Delayed table read, late picks, emergency rewrites—  the perfect storm at SNL.  

The steady pressure in your temples had gradually increased throughout the day, despite the Excedrine you'd taken early on. This had morphed into an ache at the back of your throat, because of course it had— bad things always came in waves. 

Halfway through the last-minute pitch meeting post-rehearsal, you'd missed a call from Pedro. The same time he called every day,  usually timed well with your walk home from midtown. Sending him to voicemail was out of character. 

Sorry, you'd texted. Rehearsal tonight. Lightly sautéed, gonna crash after work, talk tomorrow? Love  you very much x 

He'd shot back a " :( " and then had been typing for several minutes, the little bubbles appearing over and over. OK, he finally said. Love you too. 

It tweaked your heart, a bit. The two thousand miles between your phones was hard to stomach, sometimes. Alberta felt, for reasons unknown, so infinitely farther than LA, though the mileage was comparable. You picture him, alone in his trailer, reading glasses perched on his nose as he scrolls his phone, waiting for wrap to leave and tuck his old bones into bed.

Ultimately, you are a little too tired, and achy, and frustrated with work, and maybe a little cranky, to dwell on the finality of his "OK."  There's nothing he can do for you, from Alberta; it's not worth worrying him. 

You drag yourself home, resigned to making a weak cup of tea and curling up with the dogs. (Home is your studio apartment, while he's gone, though he maintains a steady campaign for you to just move into his. You haven't yet been able to articulate how fucking lonely his Brooklyn townhouse is without him.) Politely squeeze past the elderly couple who have pushed their sidewalk table all the way in front of the door to your building. Check the mail, of which there is none. Climb the stairs, a slow shuffle, fumbling with your stupid keys, music still playing at street volume in your headphones, eyes burning, lock turning— 

Fuck, fuck. 

Pedro turns the stove off, offers you a shy smile. Your bag drops to the floor. Something inside you snaps, pulls loose. You burst into tears. 

"Oh," he says, and you forcefully close the distance, wrapping your arms around him as you try and stifle quiet sobs. Wonder, for a moment, what the fuck is happening. "Surprise?" 

You laugh, weakly. Run a hand down your face. "Sorry, sorry." 

He pushes you back, apprising you with a gentle and skeptical look. Holds your face in his hands and thumbs away the fresh tears. Frowns. Presses his palm to your forehead. "You didn't tell me you were sick."

Leaning into his hand, you shake your head. "Not sick. Just tired." You pull back. "I can't believe you're here. Jesus. How long are you here for?" 

His attention is drawn back to the stove, beside which he has set your green travel mug. He smiles sheepishly. "Was trackin' ya on Find My." The kettle spits a small whistle as he pours the water. Your heart clenches; this stupidly thoughtful man. 

"I can rally," you offer, even as he ushers you into the bedroom. There is a suddenly conspicuous absence of dogs. 

"They're in Brooklyn. Figured you'd wanna get some shit here, and then we Uber that way?"

"You really thought this through, huh?" There are clothes and toiletries at his place ("our place," he calls it, though the studio is decidedly "your place."), but you pack a few things, just in case. 

It's not a secret that he doesn't love your apartment— it's a little cramped, for two men and two dogs. Plus, his apartment is more of a full condo. And the bathroom's nicer.

He watches you pack, perched on the edge of the bed. It's hard to focus on anything other than studying the soft lines of his travel-weary face. The rise and fall of his chest. Bits and pieces of him that the front-facing iPhone camera cannot pick up over FaceTime. 

— 

In the back of the Uber, mindful of the rearview mirror, you have his left hand trapped between both of yours. The skin of his palm has toughened, calloused slightly from whatever they have him doing in the woods of Canada. It still feels the same as you press your lips to the center. 

"I'm still a little confused," you whisper, "but I'm so happy you're here." 

His steals his hand back, to card it through your hair. "Me too. Was going crazy, trying to keep it a secret. We've got the long weekend off for Veteran's day, so I thought..." 

"Mm. Do you have an agenda this weekend?" 

The Uber makes its final turn. "Yeah. I would like to sleep for one million years, in a bed, with you. And probably see Oscar and Elvira, at some point. Also maybe order Empanada Mama. I ate a Canadian empanada last week that legitimately made me sad." 

You hold onto his hand as you exit the car, cross the street, key in. The tea put you at ease, but with the shock of the surprise wearing off, the weight of the day resettles as an ache across your shoulders. 

The dogs bound down the hallway as you key in. Pedro's suitcase has not made it much farther than the front door, though it has been cracked open and partially rummaged. "I was in a rush," he said sheepishly.

"Mm. You showerin’?” 

“Probably should. We heading up?” 

You nod, kneeling to re-zip his bag; the duties of young knees. (The age gap is disregarded, unless he plays the old card to his advantage.) Edgar pounces on you while you’re accessibly low. Ten different questions die in the back of your throat. Every step between you and the king sized bed on the third floor feels impossible. 

— 

He smells clean, as he wraps his arms around you, skin still damp and warm from the obscenely hot showers he prefers. You have a long day of rehearsal ahead of you tomorrow, then an even longer show day— but none of that matters now.

"Thank you for coming." You mumble, sleepily, into the worn fabric on his shoulder. Fingers card through your hair, brush gently over your temple. You've got a hand beneath his t-shirt, splayed across the base of his ribs.

Pedro makes an indignant noise, low, from his chest. "Not a place on Earth I'd rather be."

[aritsukemo]

Hello, if requests are still open, then I would like to do just that. Can I have a request with Hero and Kel or omori gang with a reader who has abusive parents? This could be shouting, insults, beatings, pressure from grades and much more, in principle, how strong the cruelty will be is not very important to me, although I would like to at least get to small beatings, severity, insults and screams (I just have similar situation), but do it as you want. If I can't make a request like this for some reason, can I have a request also with Hero and Kel and with a reader who is overloaded with studies and activities, and later is on the verge of a breakdown or freaks out? The gender of the reader is not very important, but I would like either a GN!Reader or a Fem!Reader. I immediately apologize for any mistakes and if I somehow broke the rules, all the best to you!

Bandages and some much needed comfort | Omori

Characters: Hero and Kel

A/N: Okay. First off, I am so sorry this took so long! Second, I had a lot of trouble completing this request and since I haven't written anything Omori-related in a hot minute, I probably wrote these two out of character but I hope you don't mind. I'm not really accepting request right now but I decided to write this because I wanted to bring you comfort in your difficult times! I hope you enjoy this! :D

Warnings: Abuse is heavily implied! Reader has a vase thrown at them ( Hero ) and gets punched in the face ( Kel ) so please, if this upsets you, don't read this!

"Well that was..interesting." Kel mumbled before letting out an awkward laugh. A mistake he realizes a bit too late as you look up at him, your face relatively stoic aside from the unshed tears that are bubbling.

"Oh, uh- ..My bad." He mumbles in a hast, forcing himself to look away from the dark spot that's slowly forming around your eye. You had been feeling down lately and Kel wanted to surprise you by visiting you. It was unfortunate that your mom had the day off today..

At first, it wasn't bad. After he introduced himself, your mom gently urged you to come downstairs. When you came down, your heart dropped to your ass when you saw your best friend at the door—Your best friend who apparently found out where you lived without your knowing.

Completely oblivious, Kel watched the whole ordeal go down. How you seemed oddly nervous as you quickly explained that he was just a friend you met at the park, how your mom practically glared at you only to look back at him and flash him a smile similar to the ones his mother would give him when she wasn't trying to look bad in front of guests, up until she told him to wait outside for you and shut the door in his face.

He waited outside for what seemed to him like forever but after a while, he heard some yelling and you had finally walked outside, your face bruised and beginning to swell.

And now he's walking with you in complete silence. Just great..

What is he supposed to do now? This silence is killing him..but how is he supposed to get rid of it? By asking questions about what happened? No, it's way too soon for that.. Should he crack a joke? Doubt you'll find anything funny right now..

..Agh, forget this. Just say something already.

"Hey, let's go to the store," Kel blurts out. You pause, your feet coming to a halt as you finally look back at him, your brows beginning to scrunch.

"Don't worry, you can wait for me outside. I just want to grab some stuff so we can bandage up your face," He pauses, "..I'm not the best when it comes to medical stuff so you might need to help me out.."

"Kel," You begin, but he's quick to interrupt you. Smiling brightly as he says, "Hey, do you think Gino's will give us a discount if you come in looking like a mummy? I know Halloween has passed but if we dress you up in a good enough costume I'm sure that pizza guy will give us something!"

You stare at him with a wide-eyed look and for a moment, Kel feared that you saw through his flimsy attempt at cheering you up—or even worse, he accidentally offended you with his joke. Luckily, it seemed like neither happened, you even laughed a little.

"I don't think that'll work Kel," You say, a small grin beginning to make it's way on your face. It causes Kel's smile to widen.

"Oh come on, it's a foolproof plan! If we just wrap your entire body—"

"I am not letting you wrap me head to toe in bandages."

"Well not with that attitude you aren't."

"Kel—"

A wince sounds, sucked in through clenched teeth as a small, burning pain sets fire to your skin. Hero's eyes momentarily break away from your arm, his eyes looking up to shoot you an apologetic glance before they quickly return to the small cuts that litter your arm.

"I'm sorry, but I have to clean them to prevent an infection.." He mumbles. His tone as soft as the clouds outside his window. Despite this, it does little to comfort you.

"I know.. It just stings a bit," You reply lowly in which Hero nods his head, now completely focused once again.

"I can't believe he did this to you," He says after a moment, his brows dipping to form a deep v, "And over something like this.. It makes me so angry.."

"It was my fault," You quickly say, "I shouldn't have left my phone unattended."

"He shouldn't have attacked you because you're living your life."

"My father wants me to focus on my grades so my scholarship doesn't go to waste. Plus he isn't fond of the idea of me getting into any kind of relationship so—"

"That gives him the excuse to put his hands on you? To throw a literal vase at you?" Hero questions, his words leaving his lips like sharpened daggers, none of which were directed at you. Even so, it makes you feel awkward and you end up falling silent as a result.

"Listen, I understand that you probably think this is normal since you've dealt with his behavior for so long but this isn't normal. Constantly having to be patched up because your father can't control his anger isn't normal."

"Of course I know that!" You say, beginning to raise your voice, "I know it's not normal but what can I do, huh? I'm a broke fucking college student! Hell, I can barely afford pizza let alone my own apartment!"

"I don't know if you know this, but not everyone has a nice life filled with loving friends and family like you do, Hero! Not everyone has caring parents who'll be happy for you and'll want to provide for you like your parents have!" Slowly, Hero's eyes begin to widen. Not because of your harsh words or the mean glare that he knows isn't fully directed at him, but because of the crystal-like tears that have begun to roll down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry.." You sniffle, "I.. I'm so sorry.." You begin to curl into yourself, your tears splashing on knees, "I.. I'm just.. I—" You cut yourself off as you choke, Hero's eyes soften.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it," Hero murmurs, tone soft as he slowly pulls away from you, sensing how overwhelmed you are, "And I'm sorry for being so inconsiderate. You were already upset and I made it worse.."

Putting his first aid kit aside, Hero slides back to lean against the foot of his bed, pulling his knees up to his chest as he listens to your sobs in silence.

He's not used to this side of you. He's not used to you being so vulnerable around him. You had always put on such a strong front around him, always showed such a caring and sweet façade to him, and as nice as that was at times, he often felt as if some wall was put between you two. One that was iron solid despite being made out of cotton candy and sour gumdrops. He always felt that when it came to certain things, you always hid how you truly felt as to avoid concerning others so in a way seeing you like this, your true feelings bursting out like water flowing out of a broken dam makes him feel as happy as it does sad. ( An odd feeling seeming as his partner is having a breakdown on his bed right now )

Eventually, Hero slides up onto his bed, his fingers slowly inching towards yours, "Would you like me to hold you?' He asks, scanning your hunched over form for any sign of rejection before snaking his arms loosely around you.

"I've been thinking lately. Well, a little longer than lately actually.." Hero mutters, "What if you moved in with me? You'd still have to wait a little while since I'm not allowed to live off campus yet, but you can always visit like you've been doing."

"I'm sorry that I can't rescue you immediately but if you'll be patient, I promise it'll be worth it. I've been looking at a few apartments and found some really good ones. We can look at them together tomorrow if you'd like. Speaking of which, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow? There's not much we can make without a stove but if push comes to shove I can always get something to eat. Of course, you'll have to leave the same way you came to avoid getting caught by security.."

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest

[aita-blorbos]

(OC)

Am I the asshole for swapping bodies with a girl without telling her exactly why?

Now, for some context, I (19, M) am currently staying at a camp site during school break, me and other 5 kids around my age. Do note, however, that we do not go to the same school. I study at a prestigious private academy, while they come from a public school. They have received their tickets for free from a school raffle, while I paid for mine.

Now, the camp we are staying at is advertised as a very boring place. Not only that, the tickets are just slightly above the average price, so you'd really be better off going to another camp. However, as one of the kids I'm camping with told me, their school seemed to find this specific place to be the closest available, so all in all that's what the principal picked.

I, however, came here for a specific reason, a very important one, which I'll get to later.

Now, I have been coming to this camp for a few years now. Often I am the only one here aside from the two camp counselors, save for the rare occasions where someone else comes here for some reason. During the times I've been here before, I've been building a bit of a secret lab under one of the cabins, where I keep the body swapping machine, which, if you read the title, will be important soon.

Now, one of the girls I'm camping with this year (Let's call her "C") very obviously has a crush on one of her classmates, and also shows signs of severe anxiety and low self esteem. I decided to take this in my favor.

I needed someone to swap bodies with using my machine, and I went to her and made my offer. Were she to help with my experiment, I'd charm the boy she liked and get him to be C's boyfriend while I was in her body, so she'd be his girlfriend when we swapped back without needing to go through the stress of interacting and impressing him herself.

Though C was reluctant at first, she accepted. I took her to my lab with me, and using my machine, we were able to successfuly swap bodies!

Here's where things go south. See, a possible side effect I speculated to be caused by the body swapping would be light memory loss and trouble recalling the order of certain events. After we swapped bodies, I started to think about this possibility, and... I felt anxious. Extremely anxious, like never before! It was C's anxiety that was manifesting within me, as I was now in her body! It was AWFUL. The pressure, the dread, everything felt like too much, and I passed out, and hit my head pretty hard on a nearby table.

I eventually woke up, and things seemed normal at first, until I realized something.

Not only could I not recall how to operate the machine, I also could not remember WHY I built the machine in the first place. I know there's something hidden in this "boring" camp! And I know my machine was a potential way to find it! I know there was a reason I wanted to swap bodies, but I can't for the life of me recall it! My memory is all jumbled...

I believe my hypothesis of a memory loss side effect was true, and that combined with me hitting my head as I fainted has caused the memory loss to become far greater and more severe. The fact that I now have bursts of anxiety every so often does NOT help my case, and everytime I start thinking about... all of this, I start getting anxious. Dangerously so. What if I am never able to swap our bodies back again? What if I am never able to recall what the purpose of this experiment was?! What if I never find out what is hidden within this camp?!

I brought up my worries to C one night, and she berated me. I never told her exactly why I wanted to swap bodies. I believed it wouldn't be necessary, but she says that if I had told her, then at least she'd be able to tell me now what it was. Furthermore, she did say that since she was a participant, she should've been given all the details. When I asked why she didn't pressure me to give her the full story and/or back away, she told me she felt too anxious to do so then, afraid of confrontation, and honestly, now that I feel her anxiety, I don't blame her.

The point is: she says I should've told her. And though I can't say I disagree as I look back on it, there must have been a reason why I didn't tell her? Or did I simply judge it as unimportant? I... I don't know. My memory is jumbled, I'm finding myself confused and anxious often. One side of me tells me I am at fault, and the other tells me there must have been a reason I did not find it necessary to discuss the reason with her, but I can't remember! I don't know what to do, or even what to think!

[theresawritesstuff]

Sherlolly prompt: "I didn’t know you wore glasses and I’m thinking normal and platonic thoughts about you right now I swear" (I can message you a link to the actual list if you like!)

I'm sensing a childhood friends AU…

Sherlock never put much stock into religion. He may have once when he was younger but certainly not now that he was seventeen, practically a grown man. He'd be off to uni next year. Therefore he was far too sensible to buy into that sort of thing when science was clearly behind the changes in the atmospheric pressure.

However, when a windstorm knocked out the power across the street and landed his dear old friend Molly –who he definitely did not fancy thank you very much, Mum– in his home to bunk on the pullout couch, the actions of a higher power may not have seemed quite so ludicrous.

"Thanks again for letting us stay here, Mrs. Holmes," Molly said as she settled overnight bag on the living room floor.

"Oh it's no trouble, dear! Make yourself at home. Sherlock can show you where we keep the extra towels in case you need them," his mother assured her.

"Same place they've been since we were six," Sherlock told her, earning him a pinch in reprimand from his mother.

"Cheeky boy," his mother chided. "Now then. Don't forget it's still a school night for the both of you."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Yes, Mum."

His mother nodded satisfactorily, leaving the two of them alone.

"So…did you finish your chem homework?" Molly asked after a moment, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Psh. Of course. So easy," Sherlock blustered.

Molly looked down shyly. "Oh. Yeah… I'm still stuck on the last formula on the second page."

"There was a second page?"

"Nothing you can't handle, I'm sure," Molly teased.

Sherlock pushed aside the funny feeling in his gut as she smiled up at him. 

There was no reason for him to get all funny just because Molly was sleeping over.

In his house.

On his old sheets…

"Okay well I'm going to get changed," Molly said, holding her pajamas and toiletries.

How long had he been just staring?

"Sure." Sherlock nodded, letting her go.

After a few minutes, he found himself knocking on the door to the guest bath.

"Hey, Molls?" he ventured. "I was thinking…Maybe we could work on that homework together. I could make popcorn."

The door to the bathroom opened and out stepped Molly clad in an oversized t-shirt and flannel pants, her hair braided to the side. 

And glasses perched on her delicate nose, framing her brown eyes like works of art. A color study of earthen hues.

"Sounds fun!" Molly chirped, finishing the elastics in her hair.

Sherlock blinked, mouth agape, feeling like his brain was short circuiting for yet a second time this evening, getting uncomfortably stuck on a little tidbit on librarian fantasies he'd heard about…

"Everything okay? Do I have something on my face?" Molly wondered self consciously.

"Fine! I didn’t know you wore glasses and I was just thinking normal and platonic thoughts about you right now I swear," Sherlock blurted. "I'll go make that popcorn now."

"Okaaay…" Molly watched him practically run down the hall towards the kitchen and away from her. "That was weird."

Sherlock's father paused in the hall to avoid colliding with his son. He glanced after the blue that had been Sherlock, then back at Molly.

"Nice specks Molly. New?"

"Got them last month. Contacts are still easier for lab goggles though."

Mr. Holmes chuckled. "Sure. What's Sherlock doing?"

"He said something about popcorn?" Molly ventured. "We were going to study together." 

Mr. Holmes nodded. "Very good. Well you go on ahead. I'm going to just check in the kitchen and remind my son about a little chat we once had about um…study etiquette."

And after several more minutes Sherlock and Molly found themselves on the couch, their chemistry books between them, the storm blowing outside.

And Sherlock may have realized his mother might not have been entirely wrong in her deductions about his heart.

[uncloseted]

but femininity and womanhood aren't the same thing. you even said it. you're contradicting yourself. "she wasn't girly like other girls so she probably wasn't a girl. or maybe she was!" that sounds insane and also it makes no sense. it's progressive now to say that if girls don't like to be feminine they (probably) aren't girls?. even if it's a common experience for nb people, no one would've guessed that miley cyrus would come out as nb. most people don't even remember or care. a lot of people

who might seem cis (and not just from the way they look) would say that they're "just a person" or "just me". and i don't recall franky being asked about her gender. people just kept pressuring her to come out as a lesbian. and also many lesbians identify as non binary or even transmasculine. you don't believe me because you're not a lesbian. you have your statistics and studies but i know the real people i've seen. and i know i'm really annoying with this but my only friend changes the subject

when i try to talk about gender, my therapist i can't debate with, and people at suicide hotlines have better things to do. i'm literally going insane because I can't believe I'm the only one who sees this

With all due respect, I don't know what you're expecting to get out of this message. I've given you my views on this several times. I've unpacked the metaphysics of gender and provided a biopsychosocial model of gender that I think is compelling. As you say, I've given you statistics and studies about trans and nonbinary identities. I've given examples that you might be able to relate to of what the trans experience is like and provided resources created by trans people to help you understand how they view themselves and what their experience is like. You don't have to agree with me. But you know my views on this. You're not going to change my mind by trying to catch me in hypothetical "gotchas" about fictional characters. And I mean this with all the love and respect in the world, but if you feel like you have to call suicide hotlines to discuss your views on gender, it may be taking up too much of your mental energy. At the end of the day, whether you "get it" or not, whether you agree with it or not, the way other people live their lives isn't your responsibility. It's okay to be like "wow, that's weird and I don't get it, couldn't be me" and then move on.

All that said, against my better judgement, I'm going to answer the questions you've presented in your ask. Not because I think it will change your mind, but because I think it might help other people who are seeing this post to understand.

The original ask was about why people felt like Franky should have been nonbinary and the answer I gave is what I think. Rightly or wrongly, nonbinary people saw themselves in Franky's experience and they wanted that to be an official aspect of her character. I think masc or gender nonconforming lesbians felt a similar kinship to Franky and wanted that to become an official part of her character, too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to see yourself reflected on television or relating to characters who present themselves similarly to you. I think because Franky's gender identity was never really explored in series 5, lots of different types of people could relate to her experience.

Gender expression is a very personal thing, and people can present themselves in similar ways for different reasons. It's like we were talking about the other day with "dressing like a lesbian" - a girl can dress cottagecore in a tradwife way or in a lesbian way, and it's hard to know which it is without more context about the way the person views themselves. The same is true for people who present themselves in a way that's different from the traditional presentation of their assigned sex at birth. Some AFAB people present in a traditionally masculine way as an expression of their non-binary or trans identity. Other AFAB people present in a traditionally masculine way as an expression of their lesbian or WLW identity. Other cis AFAB people present in a traditionally masculine way because they just like how that style looks on them, or because they deal with body dysmorphia, or because they're a "tomboy", or because it works better for the lifestyle they have and activities they engage in, or a hundred other different reasons. Without talking to them, you don't know what their reasoning is for presenting the way they do. It's less that "if girls don't like to be feminine they (probably) aren't girls?" and more like "if people who were assigned female at birth don't like to be feminine, one of the possibilities is that they're trans/non-binary/genderqueer/genderfluid."

In Franky's case, she dresses in a way that's gender non-conforming, so she might be a girl, or she might not. We never really get Franky's view on it in series 5 of the show. In series 6 the official answer becomes, "Franky is a straight, cis woman who was uncomfortable with herself in series 5, but now that she's feeling confident, she presents herself as femme." That was a disappointing answer for a lot of people, nonbinary people and lesbians alike, and I think is a big reason why people still talk about it all these years later.

Also, and I say this with no respect, you can fuck right off with your assumptions about my sexuality. I am, and always have been, a proud member of the LGBT+ community, to the point where I live in a historically queer neighborhood to be closer to my community. That's one of the reasons I care about this so deeply and fight to protect the trans people.

[kimchae-won]

5 Simple Exercises You Can Do To Kick-Start Your Fitness Journey

Many people would like to start exercising regularly and increasing their physical activity, but occasionally they could feel intimidated by trained fitness professionals, competitive athletes, or other gym goers. They could believe that there is no use in exercising today if they haven't lifted a dumbbell in the previous 25 to 30 years. You might not be able to become the person you want to be because of this poor attitude! Remember it is natural to have some anxiety while you are still getting the hang of things.

The fitness industry makes things extremely easy. It won't matter that your parents weren't the fittest people in the world, that your grandparents didn't exercise, or that you've never set foot inside a gym before once you become addicted to it. You will only change into a better version of yourself! Therefore, you may start doing basic things to increase your fitness level and help you unlock the athlete within you rather than allowing worry and fear to rule your life.

You may start off little and build a fitness schedule very quickly!

Even if your level of fitness isn't very high right now, there are a ton of easy physical activities you can undertake to benefit your body and elevate your mood. Start out simple and you'll quickly realize how much you have been missing! Here are a few enjoyable and straightforward activities you may incorporate into your everyday schedule.

Practice a little and you'll eventually see the benefits!

Even if your fitness level isn't great right now, you may still benefit your body and boost your mentality by doing a variety of modest physical activities. Begin with little steps and you'll quickly realize how much you've been missing out on! Here are a few fun and easy workouts to incorporate into your everyday routine.

EXERCISE 1 – Go for a brisk walk using the comfort of an athlete's sneakers

Yes, it is that easy. Walking can enhance your cardiovascular health and reduce your blood pressure, according to several studies and researchers. Start with 30 minutes of walking every day, but be sure you do it!

Even if you are not in the mood, are fatigued, or stressed, doing this will make you feel better and will become easier to accomplish in the long term.

EXERCISE 2 - Take the Stairs using dumbells

Keep in mind that this is a simple activity that we are concentrating on. How many times have you truly put this into practice, even though you may have heard it several times before? Choosing to climb the stairs over the elevator works your quadriceps and increases your heart rate. It is an easy but challenging exercise and toss in the dumbells as well. You'll feel proud of yourself if you do it as frequently as you can. Your fitness mindset will develop as a result, and you'll start to pay more attention to your body and what it's capable of.

EXERCISE # 3 – Do 10 squats

Begin with 10 squats every day. Make sure you're putting all of your weight into your heels and exhaling as you raise higher. This is yet another excellent aerobic exercise that can be performed anywhere! If it's raining outside and you can't go for a stroll perform those squats instead. There is no reason for you not to exercise!

EXERCISE # 4 – Do 20 jumping jacks with your workout headphones

Because this workout is so simple, you can do even more. You also don't have to jump too high; just an inch off the ground is sufficient. Do these first thing in the morning to get your circulation flowing throughout your body, and you've already laid the groundwork for a beautiful, productive day! If you have a greater degree of fitness, you may combine them with squats. You see, you don't have to go to the gym to work out; you can do it in the comfort of your own house.

EXERCISE # 5 - Do 10 pushups using pushup handles

Even though pushups are a little more physically taxing, you don't need to perform a thousand of them. Make careful you lower your chest to the ground and maintain a straight back. Pushups improve your upper body strength, cardiovascular endurance, and muscular definition. If these are challenging at first, consider doing your sets while kneeling on the ground.

I do hope you enjoy this quick read, and at least try to perform any exercise on this list. You can start in small amounts and then build up your strength and energy training. At the end of the day, you will at least get in some regular exercise to ensure a balance of healthy living.

For additional motivation and inspiration visit my store "Stay Inspire while Healing" https://beacons.ai/stayinspirewhilehealing

[dogboyrevenge]

They plan on cancelling term two board exams. I have mixed feelings about this

[spacemiddenzz]

so i was watching @super-metroid's stream of Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass (highly recommend by the way) and she fought Imaginary Numbers this time. I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts on it, since it's my favorite boss and all. This is gonna be a longpost and it's gonna have spoilers so the whole thing can be found under the cut.

So, to put it simply, this dungeon is about stress and confusion. It's about Jimmy's mind frantically trying to comprehend the high-level math that Andrew is teaching him on top of his schoolwork. Jimmy thinks that his dad is the smartest man in the world- this is hyperbole for sure, but the fact that Andrew is quite intelligent remains clear. Jimmy looks up to Andrew because of his intelligence- and because of this it means a lot to Jimmy to be praised by Andrew. He wants his dad to view him as intelligent as well, because, if a man as smart as Andrew thinks Jimmy is smart, he can't be wrong! And hell, it feels nice to be validated by your parents.

Clearly, Andrew has already recognized Jimmy's talent with numbers and has started teaching him concepts beyond the second-grade curriculum, something that we see in the flashbacks in the Symmetrical Cavern. However if Imaginary Numbers' design is anything to go by, these concepts may be at or above the high school level. They're too much for Jimmy to understand. He's only eight, and his mind just isn't ready for that yet. Still, he feels the pressure to keep up with- and understand- the work that Andrew gives him. Why? Because he fears failure. He worries that if he admits to his father that the work is too hard, Andrew won't see him as a "smart boy" any longer- and that praise and validation means a lot to Jimmy. He doesn't want to lose it.

Let's start with the song that plays during this nightmare dungeon- Counting Backwards From Infinity. From the erratic bassline to the random samples of people shouting numbers in no particular order over and over again, this song simply screams disorder and panic. As a person who has always struggled with math, it's incredibly relatable. Counting Backwards From Infinity always reminded me of taking math tests in high school. I was so slow that I almost never could finish a test in a single class period. The frantic, wild bass and the cacophony of people screaming numbers out of order reminded me of trying desperately to remember how to solve a type of problem- and do it quickly enough so that I could hand the test in before the bell rang. I imagine that this is how Jimmy feels when Andrew places in front of him a concept that the boy does not fully understand. Perhaps he's had it explained to him several times but still can't fully grasp it (likely because, again, the kid is eight). The wild confusion and stress he feels when he doesnt fucking understand what's in front of him and doesnt want to look like an idiot in front of his dad. Even the name of the song is a reference to the fact that at this stage of his life this stuff may be an insurmountable task.

The dungeon itself is also set up in an incredibly confusing way. There's a bunch of bizarre-looking purple structures and winding paths. You teleport all over the place with no particular rhyme or reason. The enemies in this area, too, are deformed geometrical shapes that are almost Lovecraftian in the way that they cannot be understood. To Jimmy, Andrew's teachings might as be as comprehensible as a Lumpagon or a Squiggles, and that's definitely the idea that one gets here. The confusion, the pressure, the panic.

At one point in the dungeon you're teleported to a fakeout area that looks like the Path of Enlightenment. This is my favorite thing about the Asymmetrical Cavern, because of the fact that it has so many cool secrets, but also because it gave me a feeling that I could (once again) relate to. Jimmy's teleportation to the Path of Enlightenment isn't random. It represents familiarity in a sea of confusion. Jimmy sees something he recognizes during Andrew's lessons. Maybe he thinks that he's finally got the hang of it- that he's studied hard enough and now all of this jargon makes sense- only to be rudely awakened by the fact that he's been doing it wrong and never understood the concept in the first place. Even the secrets kind of hint at this. If you speak to pointman in this part of the dungeon he says "I am the blood of numbers leaking from your ears. The nails of ignorance are already being driven into your brain. What point is there in giving voice to madness?" (which is metal as fuck by the way)

Jimmy just thinks that his inability to understand makes him an idiot. His lack of understanding- the nails of ignorance- are being driven into his brain. If he can't understand all of Andrew's teachings, maybe he was never a smart boy after all.

And finally let's talk about Imaginary Numbers itself. First of all, it's an amalgamation of a bunch of different mathematical symbols, including a tombstone, a slashed epsilon, and a sigma. I'm sure there are more, but those are the only ones I recognized, honestly. Given that dreams don't really make things up, instead just taking things that you have seen/experienced before, it looks like Jimmy has encountered some... seriously advanced shit. Tombstones are used in geometric proofs. I only started doing proofs in high school geometry, meaning that Jimmy may very well be learning concepts meant for kids twice his age. No wonder the poor kid is stressed.

Oh yeah, also the boss sucks ass to fight. I've heard some people call that bad game design, but I'm not sure that's how I'd classify it. Sure, like I said, the boss sucks complete ass to fight and is almost entirely RNG-dependent. From a gameplay standpoint, this is wack as hell, yeah. Fucking 30% chance to deflect any magical or physical attack with a 30% chance to dodge a physical attack on top of that? Definitely bad game design. But from an artistic standpoint? Not at all. In fact, the futility of this fight adds to it. It really drills into your head that the only thing on your side here is pure fucking luck. And the odds aren't in your favor.

The feeling of futility- of the fact that this may in fact be, by all definitions, an insurmountable task for Jimmy, really struck home the situation. The battle would not be nearly as impactful without this. And personally, I'm all for it. Imagine walking into the Asymmetrical Cavern for the first time, not knowing what to expect. You get your ass handed to you on a silver platter by Imaginary Numbers after it chains Program Omega at you five times in a row.

That's the feeling Kasey wanted to give you. And it's critical. It's just... so perfect, I honestly don't know how to put it into words. It was supposed to represent the confusion and turmoil of a task nigh insurmountable. And it did the job pretty damn well, if I do say so myself.

I know Jimmy is good at numbers and this wasn't supposed to represent a real struggle with the subject of math/the concept of numbers in general, but hot damn if I didn't feel seen. Except Jimmy is eight but I was like 17 struggling in precalc with the same shit. I guess we know Jimmy's smarter than I am rip

TLDR; andrew please stop putting unnecessary stress on your kid youre freaking him out

anyway if you guys have any thoughts about this boss or this dungeon in general i would love to hear them. but where im at its like 2 AM so im probably gonna it the mf sack for now. later dudes

[iknowicanbutwhy]

Heads up we got an

Adult Hikikomori Sunny AU

I've been waiting to find an AU after the neutral end of the Hikikomori route for a while. What happened to Sunny? How did his life go on after that? Did he go to college? Did he get a fulltime job? Did he figure out what he wants in life?

these are all very good questions because literally anything could be the case. So this AU is just gonna be stuck in a hospital setting for a while.

Here's what I got so far:

Past:

Hospital Psychiatrist (practicing? Training?) Doctor Hero

I imagine after Basil's death, Hero would (eventually) turn to learning how to identify and help people with suicidal tendencies, if he's gonna be a doctor anyway.

In a choice between psychologist and psychiatrist, Hero went psychiatrist. Hero's parents would pressure him into getting a more lucrative job. PLUS psychiatrists go to college for 8 years, then take four more of psychiatry residency. Hero might feel just a little more accomplished, just a little better about himself for earning a higher degree, just to reassure himself that he's working hard and doing his best towards helping people.

Hero did extra studying in psychotherapy. He tried doing it at the same time as he did medical college. He's not.. the best at it because of that, for several reasons, but he knows it's better to combine medicine and conversation. When he has his head on straight, he can manage it.

I have.. no idea whether to put Hero into practice or residency. He'd have to be at least around.. 31, if he were in practice. That's a long time to have unresolved trauma. That's a nice hunk of research i gotta do.

That's it that's all for Hero. His goals are set in the present and focused around other people, as per usual.

Sunny is... not doing so well. He lied about going to college when he moved into some hole far away from his mother. He has no reason to get up in the morning when he can just lie around. He doesn't enjoy whatever hobbies he used to have.

He doesn't even know Basil is gone and he's so bad off.

He's honestly convinced himself that he doesn't care about anything. He still cares about people, however. He'd have stayed with his mom and burdened her with himself if he didn't. When they had moved from Faraway, it was to a cheaper, smaller place. That meant Sunny's mom didn't have to work so much. That meant more time with Sunny. He decided it was.. preferable not to stay.

The only times he does anything is when he tries to remember the past and relearn the person he used to be. What did he do? What did he like? He'd play games, and read comics, and would get frustrated? move on to something else when those did nothing for him, searching for.. some feeling to occur. And then he'd question why, why, why.

Why can't he enjoy anything? Why does he want to feel enjoyment? Why can't he just do something and be happy? Why can't he just do nothing and be fine? Why does he need to exist? Why does he want to move? Why does he want, but can never have, can never get by himself?

If there's nothing he can do, then what is he waiting for?

Vague memories would become clearer with introspection, until he would feel something, finally. An old guilt aching from deep inside his bones. A haunting self hatred, ripping away whatever minuscule strength his limbs had to try anything fun. A sense of iron resignation blanketing and anchoring his body, reminding him that it's much too late to try getting up now. Ironically, apathy got him up in the morning, as much as it keeps him from enjoying anything enough to stay up.

He was always a little too thin, but he used to force himself to do things like eat and work enough to survive. Mostly because to sleep means to not have headaches, and to not have headaches means to eat well enough, and to eat well enough means to have food, and to have food means to have money from a job.

But it's not as if he was all too desperate to sleep, anyway. His dreams have stayed the same for years. They're more eventful and colorful than bland reality, but it's a mix of the same thing every day. Staring at the swirling kaleidoscope of his dreams is exactly like observing the same beige ceiling for hours on end, until it all mixes together into the same shade of empty grey.

It probably doesn't help Sunny's mood that he thinks dramatic things like the previous point, just to pass time.

He only got worse once he was forced to move into one of those really bad apartments. You know the ones, with the rusted metal stairs nobody wants to risk their life on, and practically no privacy with four-to-five thin-walled neighboring rooms, and bad heating in one corner of the apartment. But it was cheap. Too bad he had to go up and down the stairs all the time.

He didn't have a problem with them when he just moved in. Generally, the most he notices is starting at the top, teleporting to the bottom, and a slight shaking of his hands that he barely glances at with empty curiosity.

As it is, some part of him knew this was going to happen. That he'd have one of those terribly introspective weeks, when he just so happens to have his new job with a boss ready to fire him and his sullen face and poor (somehow complete neutrality is offensive) attitude. He's emotionally vulnerable, and the memories on top of the stairs are devastating.

A week goes by. He's fired. He doesn't look for another job. He hasn't gone for groceries in a while. He's exhausted.

He was waiting for death, he guesses. He still wants, still feels that urge in the buzzing of his fingertips, the ghost of movement from his limbs, the phantom shiver in his back - the intent of every muscle in his body one after the other pleading with him to move, but never all at once - and Sunny laments that the human body is pretty stupid. Moving wont help. What would he do, make the end come quicker? He's already thrown away too many chances for that.

He'll stop wanting once he's gone. That's what happens when you get what you want, right?

His landlord finds him. He forgot the rent. He's taken to the hospital. Ugh.

Present:

Sunny is stunted and underweight. He wears baggy shirts stuffed into slightly less baggy hoodies, and sweats. Warmth. He couldn't find his hoodie after they took it off to put in an IV on his first trip to the hospital.

Usually nurses do things like bring food to patients, but Sunny only ever interacts with Hero and Hero wants to make sure Sunny is okay anyway. Not that it's much easier for Hero to encourage Sunny to eat.

Sunny stresses Hero the hell out. But Hero kinda missed Sunny, and his depressing and concerning reappearance brings with it a deadpan, world-weary, often childish humor that fails to take anything seriously when everything in Sunny's situation should be taken seriously. It's as much a relief as it is incredibly frustrating. Some days Hero loves it. Some days it makes him angry. Some days it makes him want to cry.

I tried doing research into the conduct Hero should display regarding patients/clients in general but it just. Any professionalism quickly devolves between him and Sunny.

As in, at one point, him and Sunny were whaling on each other about having no lives. Hero felt really bad afterwards; he had no idea what came over him. It was a great way for both of them to let out some hidden frustration, though, and they turned out fine afterwards. They even lowkey pick on each other every now and again.

Sometimes one or the other gets a bit too accurate in their teasing, however.

Psychiatrists are supposed to be able to understand, diagnose, and treat mental, emotional and behavioral disorders. So, if Hero were a completely capable psychiatrist, which he is, he wouldn't break down in front of his client. But Hero's late teenage years are wrought with so much grief and trauma, so to see Sunny and not just another client in this state is.. something i imagine he'd break down about eventually. There's also the fact that Sunny is mostly closed off to any help, which only makes things harder.

Hero is trying his best, but after years of never understanding why Mari died, years of thinking and wondering and second-guessing himself, years of guilt after never visiting Basil before he died, years of doing what he was told was "best" yet failing in what's most important to him (his friends) - his best never feels good enough around Sunny. It feels too little, too late. For this reason, and possibly because even if Hero were able to keep himself together he may just not be the right psychiatrist for Sunny, it would be better for him to find another psychiatrist for Sunny. He won't, though.

Hero really needs some time to himself to just think, or perhaps he needs someone else to talk to. Kel is nice, but Aubrey would have better experience handling emotions.

I have a very limited idea of what Aubrey and Kel are doing. Aubrey is a childcare instructor to parents and works in child services. She has studied child psychology. She has studied how childhood affects adulthood. Kel's off trying to make a name in basketball while giving kids high fives and heartfelt support.

Hero, in fact, does not like to be called Dr. Hero, but his shyness (feeling of unworthiness) about it only endears everyone to call him that more. He tells the kids that everyone calls him Hero, but the adults merely find out from the other doctors and nurses. Hero tried introducing himself as Henry to the other doctors, but Kel told them his nickname, and it stuck for obvious reasons.

Sometimes, on days when Hero has to wear his lab coat, he ties it around his neck like a cape. The kids like it, say it makes him look like a superHero.

Hero doesn't really cook. His schedule is always too busy to make anything that isn't quick. But he does eventually figure out that cooking for Sunny is the best way to entice him to eat, so when he makes something, he makes enough for both of them. They eat together.

Hero had to gather Sunny's change of clothes from his apartment when he found out that the reason Sunny has been in the same clothes for the last week is because he's had no one to visit him. Not even his mother. Why?

[snowbabys]

this is a random vent

today i left home for the first time this week. i'm not one to enjoy going out, and of course, there are situations where i enjoy being in, like discovering stores with my cousin, or just walking around the city with my grandma, but usually, i prefer to stay home.

so, what happened today is that my mom and i visited my aunt, and while talking to her and my uncle, they asked me what i'm doing this year and what i'm planning for the future. and that just broke me. i realized how much the future scares me.

my school life had been nothing less than chaos. i used to be an excellent student when i was younger, but things started to go wrong with my mom's marriage, and i was severely affected by it. i love studying, discovering new things, and understanding them, i truly do. but after so much that happened to me, i hate school. i hate being trapped with people i don't care for, i hate the chaotic and noisy ambiance, and i hate that i have to work with a broken educational system.

that, added to shit that happened last year when i was trying to give my best at school, made me want to just give up on school.

then, my mom mentioned how i always write a lot, but she doesn't know what i'm planning, she asked me if i'm writing a book. that made me cry instantly. and the reason is that i have no idea. yes, i love writing, and even if i don't have much content on my blog, i've been writing for years, and writing was always something that helped me go through things.

is writing what i want for my future? my younger self would say yes but now i don't know. and then i caught myself in a maze. i love dancing, i love singing, and those are things that kept me alive for a long time, more than writing. but i'm too old for anything related to art.

it's so painful that i lived in a bubble for so long, feeling sad and depressed, that when i'm finally being cured, i realize i don't know what to do cause i haven't done anything for myself in the past. i love car racing, formula 1, but can i do it? no, f1 drivers start in childhood. i love football, can i do it? no, the players also start at a young age. can i follow a path in classical dance? no, i gave up on ballet when i was 8. can i try being a trainee, even though my chances are so low? damn, i could try. but i'm old. too old for the things i love.

and, okay, i'm only 19, i know i'm not old. but even if i have choices for my future, a concrete plan for college, and a safe place to live in, i still feel empty and discouraged, because all i dreamed of and love to do is not an option for me.

it's so sad that our generation is pressured to do things at such young age, and are told we're useless if we can't reach our dreams and do our thing until we're 30. it's a big lie, but it got to me. i'm becoming 20 this year and i have nothing. it's not unnatural, but weirdly painful.

i'm okay, i promise. just needed to get this out to clear my mind and avoid bad thoughts.

[samueldays]

Your study does not show this and cannot show this.

Bluecheck journos, man.

My very concrete, pragmatic rebuttal is that I live in Norway and I observe that Norway cannot avoid blackouts, despite having achieved over 99% renewable energy. (Norway's geography is basically a long mountain range where water runs down to a long coast, so hydropower is easy to come by.)

Not everyone lives in Norway, though.

My more philosophical rebuttal, which can be generated even by people who don't live in Norway, is that blackouts are not only a function of power source.

And to those who want to defend it that well, it's only a "can" in the narrow sense of being theoretically avoidable, not "will" be avoided, that's not a matter for a study. You only need to say "build sufficiently many" to show that blackouts "can" be avoided in the narrow sense. Your defense damns the entire study as a waste of electrons.

I've seen the full article and the associated study popping up a few other places too, so I want to go over some other issues I had with it. Reference: Zero air pollution and zero carbon from all energy at low cost and without blackouts in variable weather throughout the U.S. with 100% wind-water-solar and storage.

In the introduction, I'm already scowling at the very first paragraph:

The United States is currently undergoing a slow but consistent transition to clean, renewable energy. We define clean, renewable energy as energy that is both clean (emits zero health- and climate-affecting air pollutants when consumed) and renewable (has a source that continuously replenishes the energy).

When consumed? Surely that should read "produced"? I hope this is an ordinary fuckup, and not accounting trickery about electric cars.

The authors only consider Wind-Water-Solar (WWS) to be clean, renewable energy, and explicitly rule out several other energy types such as nuclear power, on the grounds that

each may result in a greater risk of air pollution, climate damage, and/or energy insecurity.

'may result in a greater risk of' sounds to me like the sort of waffle you'd say when you've been watching too much Chernobyl on Netflix but you can't cite Netflix. Go watch France instead, France is doing nuclear power fine.

Though some of it may be social pressure too, when they talk about "controversial technologies". The authors want to outline ways of dealing with air pollution, climate damage, and energy insecurity with only WWS,

If we can solve all three problems at reasonable cost with WWS alone, we will not need miracle or controversial technologies to help.

This'll become relevant later.

Moving on, they describe the simulation they used to generate projections. This hits a general epistemological problem that just because the production simulation matches your consumption simulation (with caveats for the weather simulation etc) does not mean reality will line up that nicely. I recognize that some degree of simulating is required to make detailed claims about the future, so I would ordinarily give this a pass, but the authors say about their simulation:

Because LOADMATCH does not permit any load loss, it is designed to exceed the utility industry standard of load loss once every 10 years.

which I suspect is a particular driver of the journos talking about how this avoids blackouts. The comparison feels like a type error to me. The simulators explicitly describe their approach that if the simulation experienced load loss, they added more input power and ran a new simulation, repeating until it succeeded - the real utility industry doesn't get do-overs like that on failures. Some mention of 'margin of error' or 'confidence interval' should have been here, but these terms aren't in the paper.

There's a timeline for transitioning the US to 100% WWS by 2035.

To save you squinting at tiny font in low contrast:

The black triangle on the left is fossil fuels + nuclear + misc stinky energy production.

The colorful bands at lower right are WWS energy sources.

The dull bands at upper right are reductions in energy demand.

The thickest dull band, the light grey one, assumes all gas vehicles will be replaced by electric vehicles by 2035, reducing America's energy demand by 22%, on the grounds that electric vehicles are more fuel-efficient than gas vehicles. (Vehicle transport is about 26% of America's energy consumption today.)

Remember the bit about "miracle or controversial technologies"? They seem to have been avoided partly by passing the buck to miracle or controversial implementations, instead. Reducing energy demand by switching to more efficient vehicles is plausible on narrow technical grounds. But swapping out every car in America in the next 14 years (article was published 2021) is, to put it mildly, highly optimistic in the logistic, political, and economic domains.

Even granting the optimistic assumptions underlying each individual band, there's a deeper general problem of assuming that America's energy consumption can be decreased about 50% in this timeline. Humorously, this isn't 100% renewable energy, this is more like 50% renewable energy and 50% Make People Consume Less. This is not going to happen, especially not with the title advertising low cost to boot - if energy is low cost, people will want to consume more of it!

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: Breathing Lessons: A Doctor's Guide to Lung Health by MeiLan K. Han

Did you know the average person takes over 600 million breaths in their lifetime? Seeing as how respiration is a largely unconscious process that is regulated in the medulla oblongata, one of the most primitive parts of the brain, you probably didn't. The reason for that is because breathing with ease isn't something many people have to think about. It's a vital biological operation that occurs in the background without anyone having to focus on it, so people tend to take the seemingly "effortless" vitality of the lungs for granted as a result. That is...until they experience problems that effect their ability to breathe well themselves and panic. As someone who has lived with moderate asthma for much of my life, and has suffered from both chronic and acute lung exacerbations over the years, I've been there. It sucks. Nobody wants to know what it feels like to choke on air they can't seem to catch. To wheeze. To cough and cough and cough. To have their chest fill with sharp, restrictive fire every time their body encounters another allergen or sneaky little pathogen it doesn't like. No one wants to experience the physiological terrors that are involved in breathing difficulties, no one. Lung problems and disease are a lot more prevalent nationwide than we may know let alone realize, however. On the whole they remain poorly understood. They can be left undiagnosed or unrecognized until the late stages, too. One of the reasons for this is because doctor's offices don't measure lung function regularly like they do blood pressure or heart rate - which seems insane, almost negligent, when you consider that being able to breathe is imperative to staying alive, right? - and also because the money that is invested in lung research isn't proportionate to the number of patients who are living with lung disease. That means there isn't enough data out there yet to tell a cohesive story or pattern about those who already are or someday could be afflicted. There's so much more out there still to be discovered, studied, experimented, and used for treatment. I appreciated how this book provided insight into the importance of lung function, lung diagnostics, and overall lung health. It was informative and absorbing. Easily comprehensible for those of us who are neither medical practitioners nor pulmonologists. The author started off by taking readers through a brief overview of how the lungs work and why. Then she discussed how things like smoking, pollution, vaping, and viruses like influenza or Covid-19 can pose severe respiratory risks. After that, she offered practical suggestions for how to keep the lungs healthy (even if they're diseased) and proposed a kind social intervention that will make the preservation of lung health a priority in medicine. Breathing is vital to life, to living, so really...why isn't it one already? Better yet, how come it hasn't been one long before now? Asthma sufferer or not, I've never stopped to ask myself those questions before reading this book, but I'm asking them now. I'm encouraging you to ask them, too. What more can I say? I'm with Dr. Han, I think it's time we all knew more about the in's and out's of breathing. Thank you to NetGalley and W.W. Norton and Company for the ARC in exchange for my review.

4/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 4 "Haunted House" (Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

A girl died in this tub.

There's no record of any of these names except for one.

Oh, my god, there's two of them!

I own Halloween. It's my jam.

Halloween is the most important day of the year. It's the one day on the Gregorian calendar where you're allowed to go around terrifying children and not be branded a psychopath.

I am a future network news anchor who's super classy and has almost no fat on her body.

A lot of my fans are, like, friendless dumpy coeds at this or that nursing school in one of this country's various national armpits.

They put down their hot pockets and bask in the warm glow of what it feels like to love me.

I went shopping with my comatose grandmother's credit card and bought presents.

Oh, my god, it says my name!

I hope the severed leg brightens up your trailer park.

You're a bright light in my life, and I wanted you to know how much you impress me with your frumpy spirit.

You are so devastatingly mediocre and adorable!

I can't wait to see you in person, but before that, I'd like to see you post this all over social media, to exploit it for my own gain.

Aah! It's a rotting jack-o'-lantern!

Aah! This box is just filled with blood!

She got me a razor apple!

I stole this cadaver head from an ophthalmology student just for you.

You're the most important person in the world.

So you didn't see anyone in a red devil costume entering or leaving the house?

Are you coming to the precinct pig roast this year?

Come on, she's obviously the killer!

Do you mean to suggest I changed out of my nightgown, strapped myself into a skintight pleather red devil costume, climbed out a second-story dormer, and shimmied to the ground with a chain saw before entering a window I had left open, tried to kill you, then leapt out the window, climbed back up the wall, changed back into my nightgown,

and raced downstairs, all in the course of about 90 seconds?

Clearly that's got you a little freaked out.

I'm not gonna hold any of this against you, and I'm gonna let you be my date for the faculty Halloween party.

Attempted murder!

A guy was almost killed tonight, okay?

Now, no, I'm not a detective, hell, I ain't even a cop, but what I am is somebody who watched every one of those Cosby mysteries, okay?

See? Dismemberment!

I am so sorry that I pushed you out of my car and drove off real scared.

I just can't believe that How To Lose A Guy In 10 days is your favorite movie, too.

In precisely two and half minutes when we go in there, you let me do all the talking.

What are you dressed as?

Oh, you have a squirrel. Don't see that much anymore.

Breakfast is almost ready, we got meat today.

What can you tell us about that night?

Now, we will keep your name out of it, of course.

'm a vault,

And to get in this vault you need a key. Now, you may ask, a key to what? It's a key to meaning. Once you've found the meaning, you don't need the words. You know what I'm saying?

Please, continue with your story.

Have any of you ever heard of "negligent homicide"?

We need to dispose of this body on our own. Now, I've got everything we need in the kitchen to make sausages out of her.

I'm gonna go downstairs, shut this party down, and then we'll get the body out of here.

Somebody has to watch after the baby.

Can you at least turn on the radio?

Just leave the details to me.

We can't just act like this never happened.

She's the devil, that one.

I looked at that baby up close. I know my peas and carrots. That baby was a girl.

Your support doesn't matter.

My campaign needs a theme?

My pumpkin's drunk.

I'm hosting a haunted house to raise money for sickle cell anemia.

Why are you holding a fund-raiser, though?

I don't think you understand the magnitude of the miscalculation you just made.

I can assure you you will not be winning an election anytime soon. And when you lose, I am gonna make it my lifelong passion to destroy your reputation.

You're a stuck-up little sociopath, and everybody in this room knows it.

It might behoove you to recall that everyone here witnessed you actually murder someone

Just sharpening knives.

Put the knives down.

I don't know what came over me.

How very adolescent of you to think of this.

It vaguely smacks of something my six-year-old sister would be excited about.

It's the most disgusting disease in the history of mankind.

You get it when you don't even understand the most basic tenets of oral hygiene.

Just give the dang thing its pot of gold already!

I ain't got no candy!

Bet you're a sexy dirt-covered girl. That's what I bet you are.

Sometimes I come out here and I just rub my hands on the gravestones.

I get you more than anyone.

I also find the thought of dead bodies extremely arousing.

I just don't understand why I have all these dark feelings.

You know, I just think our generation's had it too easy, you know? We haven't seen enough horrible stuff. There's no awesome diseases randomly killing people. There's not really any awesome wars to go off to and witness horrific things you can't unsee. We, like, pulled out of all of 'em.

Sometimes I just don't even feel like I'm living, you know?

The only time I feel anything is when I'm thinking about chopping up a body.

And here you are, saddled up with an uptight girlfriend who freaked out for no other reason than the fact that you just wanted to fantasize about having sex with her lifeless corpse.

Oh, my god, I got a total chub right now.

Not scary enough.

She'll let you in the back door.

What could be scarier for an adult than a child coming to murder them?

Isn't that all of our greatest fear? That the pain, the regrets, the mistakes of our youth will destroy us in our adulthood? That we can't escape our inner child. One we would rather forget, but who, at the end of the day has all the power.

Why are you lying to me?

Something does not make sense.

You got to give me more here, okay?

I don't understand what you're getting at.

Are you on bath salts?

Why are we even here?

This house is haunted.

There's a legend in this neighborhood about a woman who wailed about her dead children. And this was the house she lived in.

These dumb ol' kids are smoking crack.

I think it's incredible what you can find out with just a quick trip down to your local library.

This can be one of the rooms for the haunted house.

What exactly do you plan on doing at this haunted house?

I was thinking we could blindfold folks and make 'em put their hands in a bowl full of grapes we peeled, so it'll feel like eyeballs.

I think the reason you want to have a haunted house party is 'cause a haunted party is like a buffet for murderers.

Yeah, yeah, you can just go around killing anybody you want and ain't nobody even gonna even notice.

Just like you chopped the arms off that dumb-ass golf guy.

Why do you have it out for me?

So now you look at me and see everything you could've been.

I hope you have a good time at you haunted party and get to murder lots of folks.

You have this way too thought out.

Isn't this kind of nice?

My sense of personal identity is completely external.

I really don't have much to offer.

I've found that my particular style of speaking and gesticulation is extremely off-putting to most boys. And girls. And anyone.

I need to eat. My blood sugar is crashing.

I'm tired of depriving myself of joy and sustenance.

I may die at the end of a serial killer's blade, but I refuse to die hungry.

Which one of you ladies would like to be my costume for Halloween? I'm going as "dude having awesome sex with you."

I mean, what in the hell's wrong with the world where a guy can't even whistle at a chick just to tell her she looks hot?

I recently took a women's studies class. Yes, because it was a requirement, but I learned a lot anyways. Like the culture that says it's okay for a man to objectify a woman for her appearance is the same culture that pressures girls as young as ten to have eating disorders.

So you're basically saying I'm the one responsible for making you look hot?

When you treat us like meat, you're no better than him!

I'm not really sure how you got my number, but I like how you took the initiative and texted me where you wanted us to meet.

Do you think you're man enough to take me inside that house and attack my crack?

I'll sure this house has an amazingly romantic basement.

Hey, so, uh, a little awkward since we're about to bone down and everything, but, um, what's your name?

Smells like roadkill.

I've never been so scared in my whole life.

All right, if we go to the police, they're gonna see I'm still rocking a mad sidepipe, and they're gonna think I had something to do with it.

We have to warn people.

All right, everybody listen up! All of your lives are in danger!

There are dead bodies! Dead bodies. Real-life dead bodies.

Did you say dead bodies?

Those are like the most lifelike dead bodies I've ever seen.

Is that a real dead body?

There are five dead bodies in that house. Laid out in horrible and deliberate macabre poses.

You are not leaving this house tonight.

You make it harder and harder to believe that you're not the killer.

I found out something really interesting, and now I have a theory.

Everything is weird about that story.

I mean, it's too big a coincidence.

We have to figure out who that woman was.

[babieyangyang10]

violent ends (chapter 6)

(chapter 6)

series masterlist

genre: hunger games!au

pairings: huang renjun x oc, na jaemin x oc

warnings: kissing, language, violent deaths, fighting, angst, fluff, + nsfw

previous | next

Athena’s POV

Every night since I've arrived to the Capitol, I would go and sit out on the balcony after training. It's calming and sobering to rewind the events of the entire day.

For example, I had just finished telling Taeyong about my plans with Jaemin in private. I made sure that no one else, especially Renjun, knew what was going to happen. Of course, Taeyong wasn't too happy about me being with a boy. Or at least pretending to be with one. However, he said it doesn't matter to him, just as long as I win.

I also thought about how we were gong to be evaluated and given rankings tomorrow.  Rankings, ranked from one to twelve, are assigned by the Gamekeepers to tributes, after they are given fifteen minutes to show off their best skills. These are very important, since these are televised to the public and show people who they should sponsor.

I hear the door slide open from behind me.

"You here to kill me, yet?" I joke, seeing Renjun.

"Maybe." He shrugs, sitting down beside me.

We both stare down at the Capitol below. Watching as a group of citizens are walking, having the time of their lives. For them, the games were the most excited part of their whole year.

I speak up, "They look so happy"

"If I lived like this everyday, I would be happy too," Renjun says, matter of factly, "The food. The apartments. Who wouldn't be happy?"

Frowning, I state, "I wouldn't. Do you wanna know why?"

"No, but your probably going to tell me anyway." Renjun rolls his eyes.

I wonder what he truly thinks about the Capitol and the games.

"Haven't you seen the kids from twelve? They look so small and malnourished. I would feel bad for living like that, when there are others, like them, who can't." I shake my head.

"Where'd you get those ideas from? Jaemin? They look fine to me."

I begin to throw a pebble off the roof. However, a invisible force causes the pebble to bounce back into the balcony.

"Do you know why they have that? It's so the tributes can't jump off." I try to make a point.

He plainly stated, "I don't get why they would do that."

Frustrated, I ask, "Have you ever even thought about all the things you might not ever get to do?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. There's so many things I never got to do. You know, all the things teenagers are supposed to do. Like first kisses and love and all that stuff." I shake my head.

"Probably cause no one has ever wanted to be with you like that." He laughs at me.

Sharply, I just reply with, "Jaemin would."

"Of course," He repeats to himself, "Of course, he would."

Taken aback, I inquire, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He just shakes his head.

"Okay, fine. Then, have you ever kissed someone before, Renjun?" I interrogate.

His nose wrinkles in disgust, "Ew, how did this conversation get so long and gross?"

"Renjun, it's just a simple question." I state, nonchalantly.

"Fine," He answers quickly, "I never got the chance to. So, no."

I let out a laugh of relief, "Well, now I feel better about myself."

Renjun just shrugs, "I just don't get why it's such a big deal."

"How can you know it's not a big deal if you've never tried it?" I suggest.

He stares at me blankly. After pausing to think about my words, a little smile appears on his face.

"Lee Athena, it sounds a little like your trying to get me to kiss you right now."

My eyes widened in denial, "No. I'm really not."

He just chuckles to himself.

Without carefully considering the weight of my next words, I speak, "Although, you did say you didn't think it was a big deal."

"And?" Renjun pressures.

Out of my mouth slips, "So I guess it wouldn't be weird if you did."

He looks at me like I'm dumb, "Are you even listening to what you're saying?"

"I guess not. Never mind, then. I think I'm really tired and delirious. I'm going to bed." I quickly muster out, before practically running back into the apartment.

"Wait."

I run back into the living room and up to my own room. I really think I'm going crazy. It's only after shut the door to my room, that I realize the weight of what I just did. How messed up must I be to basically come on to Huang Renjun?

Huang Renjun!

Someone who's going to be trying to kill me in several days. I just tried to get him to kiss me, even though I'm about to have fake relationship with another boy. Which, Renjun can not know is fake. Otherwise, my whole game will be jeopardized and I could lose all the sponsors.

Knock. Knock.

"Who is it?" I play dumb.

"Lee Athena, open this door." Renjun commands, sternly.

I let him in the room, before beginning to plead with him, "Can you just for-"

Suddenly, he just quickly started leaning in.

Closer and closer.

Then, he just paused from hesitation. It was almost as if he was thinking, am I really about to do this?

However, the next thing I did was the result of no thinking on my part.

I grabbed his face and closed the gap. Oh my god, why are his lips actually so soft? This is so wrong. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this. Our lips just slightly touched for about eight seconds, before I moved away.

"Oh my god, did I really ju-"

Huang Renjun kisses me hard. This time, our lips began moving. He set a pattern and I just followed his lead. This time it felt less foreign,  almost natural.

If I had to describe the feeling, it felt like I got punched in the stomach, just without the hurt. Instead, it just felt really warm. I almost felt like I could melt into a blazing inferno any second.

It was one of the best things I've ever felt in my life.

He pulls back, studying my facial expression.

"See, I was right. Not a big deal." He coldly shrugs before quickly leaving. I don't stop him, either. This is what I deserve. I'm the one who walked myself into this situation. Maybe it's better, if I just block it out of my memories.

However, as I'm waiting with the rest of the tributes to be called in for examinations, it's the only thing I can think about.

"You look like you're about to throw up. Nervous?" asks a concerned Jaemin, sitting next to me.

"Just a bit," I lie, "I really don't want to mess up."

"Hey, it's okay. I know you're going to be great." He comforts, sweetly.

A mechanical voice comes over the speakers, "Lee Athena."

"Please, just don't kill anyone." Jaemin trys to ease my fake nervousness with a joke.

"No promises." I wink before entering the gym.

I look up to see the Gamemakers, where they had watched us during training. Luckily for me, District 2 is one of the earlier groups they see first. That means, they are more awake and still excited.

I walk over to a table, where I see a large assortment of weapons to choose from. I grab multiple throwing knifes and place all of them in my left hand.

I inhale and look at the human-shaped targets in front of me. There were two targets on the head, chest, and stomach. I inhale, before I finally begin my rampage.

One target after the other, hitting with perfect precision. Even after I completely finish the target directly in front of me. I continue randomly throwing knifes, all precisely hitting the fake-humans.

I stop after there are no more knifes left. Peeking up, I see the Gamemakers clapping in awe.

Although, I'm not done yet. No, I need to give them something that they have no choice but to remember.

I return to the table and pick up an axe. I look up and gave a sweet smile to the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane.

Without looking at the target, I hold the axe behind my head, then throw straight at it.

Once hearing a thud, I smile in delight once I see it has hit the designated spot.

The groin.

With one last innocent smile, I make my exit.

"Oh my gosh, that was absolutely everything!" Doyoung gushed to me, sitting down on the couch.

"What happened?" asked a confused Renjun.

"I hit the target in the dick." I explained.

Doyoung cried out, "Language, Athena!"

"Oh shit, my bad.  I meant the no-no square." I tease. Doyoung is one of those people who are fun to purposely stress out.

"Athena, quit bullying Doyoung." said Taeyong with a hint of playfulness. He came in from the kitchen and turned on the television. Surprisingly, I see Seulgi following him in.

There’s a small part of me that wants to score high for her. Especially, since her outfit is the reason I have gained any support so far. I really don’t want to throw away the opportunity she helped provide me.

On the screen appears the host, Caesar Flickerman. One of the things he was known for was changing his hair color for the games every year. This year, his powdered-blue hair was styled in a low ponytail.

“As you know, the tributes were rated on a scale from one to twelve, after 3 days of careful evaluation. The Gatekeepers would like to acknowledge that it was an exceptional group.

From District One, Jeno with a score of 10. Also, Haechan with a score of 9."

Those were really good scores. Although, nothing unexpected from a Career.

“Then, we have District 2. First, we have Huang Renjun with a 10.”

“Wow!” Doyoung claps loudly. Renjun just cringes at the man.

Caesar’s voice becomes more high pitched, “Then, we have Lee Athena with an 11!”

Well, I guessed they liked my little stunt. Although, I can let this go to my head. Especially, since this means I have to be prepared for a huge target on my head.

“Well done, both of you.” Taeyong praises, content.

We pay attention to the rest of the scores. Jaemin received a ten, which I know he worked hard for. Compared to the Careers, the rest of the tributes were not as high. However, this doesn’t mean they’re not as much as a threat. Many people like to use a strategy of hiding all of their talents until they step into the arena.

We all head back to our rooms. Renjun, of course, avoiding any sort of conversation with me. I lay down on my bed and sigh.

Tomorrow, everything’s going to change.

[golde-n-childe-blog]

After the Fire Dies

Smoke hung thick in the air, though it didn't pose much threat. The smoke in hell was thicker and stunk of more than charred wheat fields and betrayal. Still, if Blue asked, she would have blamed the plumes for the tears in her eyes. Anything to avoid the truth, right? The reason her lord picked her for the task. Ursula dodged the truth and walked the thin line of the little white lie like a tightrope acrobat. Misdirection worthy of applause like a handstand split. Half-truths were her ring of fire; they were captivating, dazzling despite the certainty of destruction. She played the crowd better than anyone, Blue could attest to that. The heat from the fire as it licked at her back during the battle was nothing compared to the searing cold of his glare. 

He sat across from her, sand colored complexion smudged with soot, dirt, and streaks of blood. The same combination turned his short, dark curls a dusty gray. Nothing dulled his sharp, gray-green eyes as they cut through every layer and lie she'd ever built between them.

"Was any of it real?"

Of course, that was the question he killed the silence between them. And he did kill it. Each word that slipped from his full lips carried enough muted fury to fill the entirety of their three-year friendship.

How could she answer?

It would have been easy to tell him no. To sit and ramble off a dramatic monologue about her evil scheming and his role as a pawn. She could weave an entire web of reasons for him to hate her more, against her own desires. Better than telling the truth.

"Nothing to say, then?" he snapped, "Maybe the question was too hard. Let's try this: Why did you bring me here?"

The little stone cottage on the outskirts of their battlefield had long since been abandoned before their clash came to fruition. A handful of wooden structures dotted the wheat field, but wood didn't make a safe shelter during a demonic wildfire. Which left the tiny, stone building as the only cover while the flames raged outside. Ursula believed it to be logical reasoning at the time, considering the sizable wound in her side. And she could have volleyed that reasoning across the room to him and see if he'd accept that instead of the less logical reason he searched for. A quick glance into his grimacing face and she knew better than to offer a distraction. But that, once again, left her with nothing but the truth burning in her throat, hurting more than the smoking hole under her arm. The worst part... she wanted to tell him everything. All of it threatened to spill out of her like the black blood oozing down her hip. But Ursula learned a long time ago. Sometimes the truth is harder to believe than a lie. Her silence stretched between them and Blue stirred, shifting his weight from one side to the other, wincing when he twisted the broken leg stretched out in front of him. The pain mixed with his anger and his thick brow furrowed as he clenched his jaw.

"You should have left me there," he hissed through grit teeth, "I'd rather face the fire than look at you."

"You would have died."

"Oh, so you can speak?" There was no avoiding him anymore, not his frown, nor the sweat beading on his forehead, nor the blood on his cheek. It wasn't his, she'd made sure of that. "Since my first two questions were impossible for you to lie your way through, I have one more. Why didn't you kill me?"

"I couldn't."

"You... you couldn't?" Brows raised, he tilted his head. "Why not? You didn't seem to have any trouble with my brothers. My uncle. My little cousin-"

"I didn't-"

"You didn't what?" Blue shouted, his fingers went white as his hands rolled into tight fists. "I swear to God if you say you didn't kill them, I will limp over there and strangle you where you sit."

"I didn't lay a hand on any of your people!"

"No! You're right. All you did was lead us into a massacre with no warning."

When the first tear fell, the second followed quickly. She hadn't blinked, but they fell anyway. One after the other. Until the tops of her legs were soaked through the heavy, black jean material.

"Don't you dare cry," Blue spat, his own eyes welling with tears, "You don't have the right. You can't cry for them. That's my responsibility, since you were so merciful as to save my life."

"I didn't want-"

He held up his hand, silencing her as he closed his eyes and turned away. "Stop. I thought I wanted to know why you did this, but I can't stand to hear your voice right now."

That was fair. At least, she knew she was supposed to think so. That would have been the acceptable reaction for her to have. It was fair he was angry with her. Beyond angry. Well into furious. It was fair he hated her for what happened to his family, his hunter clan. That was her mission. These were the casualties and consequences of her obedience. Except, they were also her friends. And none of it felt fair. Biting her bottom lip, Ursula winced as she shifted and attempted to apply pressure over her wound. Too large a space for her to cover it all, if she could slow the bleeding, she might heal enough to get them both out of the cottage and away from one another.

"I hope it hurts." He said it without looking her way. "I hope it hurts you for the rest of your life."

Bitterness painted her thoughts in dreary shades. It would. Even with the pressure, her tarry blood ran steadily from her ribs. The fact she got them both to the cottage without collapsing was a miracle. Without a proper bandage and some stitches at the very least, she would lose the body and return to hell. Where her real judgment awaited. Defeated, she chuckled silently at the thought of her lord staring down at her. Sentencing her to yet another death. More gruesome and final than the one she was experiencing. Physically, anyway. Emotionally, Blue was doing a fantastic job of making her suffer.

"You think this is funny." His gaze trained back on her, the same ire burned in his eyes. "You came into my life with the sole purpose ending me. And you have the audacity to laugh now."

"I'm not laughing at the end of your life." Her tired eyes met his before slowly dragging over towards the window. The harsh glow outside eased as the hellfire ebbed. "I'm laughing at the end of mine."

"What?"

Ursula lifted her arm and exposed the damage in all its severity. As Blue studied the injury, Ursula's vision wavered. That had to be the reason his expression seemed to shift and soften. Her human form was delirious from blood loss. There was no way in hell he'd care if she died. Shaking her head, she lowered her arm and massaged her temples before letting her arms drop to her sides.

"I was laughing because... you'll get your wish. Like I got mine."

"To destroy my clan?" he asked, voice tight with something more than fury and close to heartbreak.

"To keep you safe," she confessed. The swimming feeling in her head made the truth easier to speak without fear he'd rebuke it and her. Demons, apparently, weren't impervious to the morose and liberating effects of death. "What are you talking about?"

"During the fight, did you ever pause and wonder why you hadn't got hit once, until after they blasted me?" she snorted and let her head fall back against the cool stone. "Just think for a second."

"I don't-"

"Or maybe think back to before we got to the field tonight," she started and was interrupted by a coughing fit. When she finally drew air again, she continued through the burn gnawing at her ribs. "H-how many t-times... did I beg y-you to s-stop the car? Turn around? Go h-home?"

When he spoke, his voice was small. He looked small. The room shrunk around him. "I thought you were scared."

"I was."

[aboutlouishofmann]

A Life Devoted To Music

[Original interview here which is already in English. I'm just testing. All images curtesy of cinema.de]

FRIDAY, 7/5/2019

A LIFE DEVOTED TO MUSIC

In PRÉLUDE Louis Hofmann plays a talented pianist.

Rising star Louis Hofmann has often been seen at FILMFEST MÜNCHEN — for example, in the tender coming-of-age drama CENTER OF MY WORLD. By now, Hofmann is well-known all over Germany thanks to the captivating mystery series DARK. This makes us all the more delighted that this up-and-coming actor is returning to Munich this year with not one, but two exciting films. In PRÉLUDE, he plays a talented musician who experiences the downside of being an artist; and he also has a role in THE WHITE CROW, about Soviet ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev. We met the amiable actor at the world premiere of PRÉLUDE and asked him about his own experiences as an artist and how life in the spotlight affects a person.

In PRÉLUDE, you play an aspiring pianist named David, a freshman at a conservatory who's under pressure from the beginning. What was it about this story that caught your interest?

In 2015, I was invited to a casting for PRÉLUDE. I think I'd read only a small blurb about it, but it won me over right away and I knew I absolutely had to play this part. I don't know whether I'd already seen WHIPLASH. I grew up around lots of music and have an affinity to it — and probably a fascination with sadness as well. I thought if the script fulfills the promise of that little blurb, I've got to be a part of things. Then I went to the first casting with director Sabrina Sarabi and we simply got along very well and I noticed that she does very fine work.

When did you finally shoot the film?

Two years ago. It was hard to get all the money that was necessary. It is just a small film, after all. I'm still glad that we made it even though we didn't have much money. Being so close on set was also great. On the first day of shooting, there were maybe 15 of us on the set. It took some getting used to, because I'd just come from DARK, where we'd had 100 to 150 people. That was our own little microcosm, and working with such a small team was something I enjoyed to the fullest.

Is that something you generally prefer: a smaller scale?

No. I just prefer good material.

What does good material consist of?

That's the question. There are only the standard responses: well-developed characters, a nice development of the role, a story that's exciting, not one that's narrated. David is somebody I can identify with to a good extent. He's sensitive. He has this great ambition that I carry within myself. When he does something, he jumps in wholeheartedly. That's also the approach I take to my own work. That's why I understood him right away.

You mentioned that music has always been very important to you. Do you play an instrument?

I played violin for a year, because my brother played violin. I stopped pretty soon after that. Then, at age eight or nine, I began to play the drums. I did that for eight years.

Do you still play?

I stopped when I moved from Cologne to Berlin. I didn't have a drum set there, nor did I have the infrastructure: a place to rehearse and so on. I didn't take it up again until this year. I rediscovered how awesome it is and how much I'd missed it — how I'd totally been caught up in the piano as well. I used to be able to play chords or three-finger accompaniment. Classical pieces, though, were pretty foreign to me. I somehow put in a lot of effort with a teacher, without being able to read music. We did it with videos. I think it helped me a little to be able to play the drums. But to learn a new instrument and suddenly understand how it works and to be familiar with the keyboard and to get into the groove when playing: that really did a lot for me. In addition, it was just extremely good preparation for the part. It made the character accessible to me, which is something I hadn't really expected.

How long did you practice?

After I got the role, we did two years of workshops. In the end, we had two-hour lessons, five days a week for three months, and then two to four more hours a day of practice.

That's a lot.

You're right. But it's great. At first it's so difficult. The first two weeks were so rough: you're really just searching for the notes; your fingers don't understand it all just yet. You feel like a dyslexic on the piano, just so amateurish. And suddenly after two or three weeks, your fingers start doing what they should. You follow the instrument, and it's simply awesome.

Are you still doing it?

Unfortunately not. No, because I can't read music and because I'd noticed that I get bored easily because I only ever play the same pieces. My roommates and I have a piano, and I play it sometimes, but not like before.

What kind of music do you listen to?

Mainly indie rock, indie pop, alternative. Sometimes soul classics, chansons, or jazz hip-hop.

Can you name two or three artists?

Two or three artists I can name... Somehow that's always pretty hard to do. Right now I'm really looking forward to the new Dope Lemon album that's coming out soon. As for indie pop, Bon Iver is one of my heroes. Parcels is great. I could go on forever. Music is a really important part of my life. I just immerse myself in it and discover new artists. It's a lot of fun.

There's this gotcha question that I once picked up from a job interview: If you were a song, what song would you be? That is, a song that describes you very well.

I have no idea. I think the songs we listen to speak to only part of ourselves. The first song I thought of is "8 (Circle)" by Bon Iver. But that's just my melancholy side. It wouldn't describe me completely, because I also have a non-melancholy side, a very happy side, that I wouldn't be doing justice to.

Now that you've had a brief look at the life of a musician, even indirectly, what would you say is similar to or different from the life of an actor?

The pressure is what they have in common. The expectations one has of oneself. The competition. Although I have to say we're a generation, I think, who fight more alongside each other than against each other. For a pianist, it's a more individual fight than for an actor, because as an actor you normally don't perform alone.

In the film, David has to put his personal life on the back burner in order to get somewhere as a musician. Since you said that you enjoy immersing yourself, to what extent do you find yourself having to put your personal life on the back burner?

Since the work always comes in phases, you only have to do that in phases. And then I do that. In recent years, I've also learned that you can't completely separate the two — that the project phases should intersect more with the phases of free time. I've always felt that I've completely forgone personal life while working, up until the end of shooting. At some point, I no longer thought that was a good thing. In this line of work, you have to watch out, otherwise you'll start thinking of the year only in terms of blocks of time. I've resolved to be aware of this for more than a whole year again. Theater actors can probably do that a lot better, because they have regular work. They're able to balance their personal lives and their work more easily. That's a small obstacle that a film actor has to overcome at some point.

Let's assume you have free time. What do you do to unwind after work?

I had a hard time of that in Berlin. But this year, I went back to some old hobbies, like the drums. Also skateboarding, climbing, bouldering, and so on, to find balance. It's just about doing something that no one judges and where there's no output. Where you're not forced to deliver output. Because all you do when playing is give, give, give. You learn something, too, of course, and it gives you something back. But it's very relaxing to just do something that no one is appraising.

And where you're not being watched.

That, too, yes.

How often does it happen nowadays that you're recognized out on the street?

Sometimes. Occasionally. There are days when nothing happens, and other days when it happens several times. It also depends on whether I'm in a bar or another place where people gather.

Imagine that for some reason you had to do something other than act.

What would I do?

Exactly.

Hm. That's difficult.

Did you always want to be an actor, or were there alternatives?

A soccer player, of course. I definitely wanted to be a soccer player. When I finished high school, I was also very interested in psychology — and art. But I don't believe that I'd study art or psychology, even though I was still saying that two or three years ago. I also have a lot of fun working behind the camera, and I've been a set manager for short films. I enjoy organizing a set in the extreme, because I also have experience in how these things work. I'd probably still prefer to stay in the world of film and then maybe try to develop material or help to see it realized.

So you could also imagine directing and scriptwriting?

Probably not scriptwriting. I'm more the kind of person who reads the script and says, "Oh, that's what happens. I think it'd be great if this and that also happened." I don't think I could write a story myself. I have a lot of respect for those who can.

What else are you up to next?

On Monday, we started filming the third season of DARK, so I'll just do that for now. That'll probably take another six months. After that, we'll be done. The series was planned as a trilogy from the beginning, so the story will conclude with the third season.

That's all from me. In closing, do you have any more comments you'd like to make about your film?

I think Sabrina is very talented, and I'm very proud of this film and hope that people will see it.