#we could try

[aperrywilliams]

“Clueless” - “We Could Try” Masterlist

This is "Clueless" and "We Could Try" series masterlist. They are in chronological order.

First Act: "Clueless"

Summary: When Spencer's new friend tries to move beyond friendship with him, he realizes he may have made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

Part 1: The Start or The End?

Part 2: Yearning

Part 3: What Have I Done?

Part 4: The Things Unsaid

Part 5: Out of Place

Part 6: Moving On

Part 7: Her Turn, His Loss

Part 8: Why Do You Trust Her?

Part 9: Let Me Go For Good

Part 10: Healing

Part 11: And if I See You Again...

Part 12: I’ll Feel the Fire That Never Fades

Second Act: We Could Try

Summary: Reader and Spencer need to figure out if a long-distance relationship could work for them after what they have been through.

Part 1: Another Chance

Part 2: A Fresh Start

Part 3: I Miss You

Part 4: Trust Issues

Part 5: Valerie’s Legacy

Part 6: Good Enough?

Part 7: Holding On

Part 8: Stay With Me

Part 9: Take Me Home

[lavendervirgos]

I'm cute. But I'd be cuter with my legs over your shoulder

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

my old man dog isn't great at hopping up on the couch anymore but he CAN do it and he will NOT accept help. it's almost adorable except when he just stands in front of me and barks at me to get out of "his" spot so that i'll stop what i'm doing, get up off the couch, and watch as he spends 5 minutes hyping himself up to jump into my newly vacant seat

[cr3zynotf0und]

Yall this blog got me wondering if I actually wanna go by Crazie irl now 💀

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

[lostlegendaerie]

there's something deeply gutting about being a writer right now. watching studio execs brag about starving people like you out of your very house just to not pay you anything above the pennies you currently make. watching some people cheer over AO3 being targeted for a DDOS attack. the complete lack of profitability of writing commissions or writing in general in transformative spaces, especially in contrast to fanart. the pivot of so many social media platforms to be video and image based near-exclusively.

I don't know. it just makes me sad to know that the hobby that kept me alive while growing up homeschooled with dial-up internet and local antenna TV... is only ever gonna be a side job with minimal engagement. I know this site is good about supporting libraries and the concept of books but, do me a favor? Reach out to a writer friend you know. Leave a comment on your last five read stories on your favorite website.

Tell us you care.

[shitpostingkats]

Okay but this weeks episode really made me sit down and think about Fig & Riz parallels. The punk rocker who doesn't know herself but devotes herself to gods and devils all for her friends. The nerd who knows himself SO well but is scared to let the people he cares about know, who picks up his friends and tries to carry them over the finish line. "I know I don't really wear my heart on my sleeve" (is lying) vs. "It's all out there. That's all that's going on emotionally." (is lying) Making up multiple personas and a list of "romantic" interests so long that the fbi is out to catch her, versus making up just a single roëmænce partnær just to pass as "normal". Being terrified to be in a relationship because it means being known and being disinterested with being in a relationship but no one can know. Huge identity shift right before highschool versus "My nickname in middle school was The Briefcase Kid." The everchanging actor afraid to look at herself and the rocksteady investigator whose biggest fear is being seen.

[haywirecompass]

whoever the fuck i saw saying "i can't stand english bitching because they're so complacent" and whoever else thinks we're not doing enough i'd like to invite you to DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH.

a law was recently passed that deemed any kind of protesting as disruptive and able to be punished by the police, alongside giving the police more power.

we all watched the police storm the PEACEFUL VIGIL for sarah everard - a woman raped and murdered by a police officer.

PEOPLE ARE CURRENTLY BEING ARRESTED FOR OUTWARDLY EXPRESSING ANY SORT OF DISPLEASURE WITH THE MONARCHY.

A WOMAN WAS ARRESTED FOR HOLDING UP A SIGN. JUST HOLDING IT.

PEOPLE WERE ARRESTED FOR BOOING.

everything in britain has been put to a standstill. hospital appointments have been cancelled. funerals have been cancelled. we can't do anything about it.

many of us will be unable to pay our energy bills this winter. we will freeze. we will starve.

it has been demonstrated to us time and time and time again that protests simply make people talk about how we were protesting and never why. and now the police has increased power to punish us for any public opinion that they don't like.

we have been under tory rule for 12 years. 12 years of the same people - hey americans, can you imagine that?

we are tired, no, we are exhausted. we are struggling. we are scared. and it has been made clear to us that our government does not care.

so fucking forgive us if we're putting our own survival over the opinions of americans (and other non-brits but americans are the worst) online who expect us to learn everything about their politics and their country and don't put in an ounce of effort to learn about ours.

[ninyard]

Exy fans on Twitter (championship final edition pt2)

[snazzydwarf]

(This was written in July oh dear-)

You know how in a lot of fics a de-aged Danny winds up in Gotham either via Clockwork putting him there, or Danny goes through a portal (either through his own volition or not) and ends up being taken in by one of the bats?

Okay that, but what if he was never picked up and ends up falling through the cracks and becoming one of the many homeless children wandering Gotham's streets, but unlike all the other street kids who know when to keep their head down Danny just doesn't have those fear receptors... like at all- It's almost scary with how the kid manages to just not give a single flying fuck about what is going on.

So after a while of wandering the streets and getting acquainted with the Gotham's inhabitants everyone slowly get's used to the kid wandering around, dropping their guard and greeting him with smiles when he toddles around the corner, looking for his next meal or piece of scrap clothing.

Perhaps it's this show of trust they begin to notice the strangeness that hangs around him like a cloud. The shifting coloured eyes, the coldness in his skin that never seems to go away no matter how much clothing the kid gets bundled in.

The fact that no one knows where he goes once they take their eyes on him? Spooky to say the least, but they're Gothamites! One shady, possibly meta, kid ain't gonna change anything.

So he becomes a staple in everyone's lives, and eventually learned his name is Danny. He talks about having an older sister called Jazz, two best friends and a puppy he named Cujo. (who let their kids watch Cujo???) They also learned he had an innate fear of The Bats, whenever one swept into the streets during their nightly patrol he would just... disappear. He became unfindable and wouldn't appear until the next day.

At first they thought it was him finding a safe place to sleep while the night rolled around and the Rouges came out to play, but that assumption was quickly squashed when he was caught wailing on one of the Jokers henchmen. The white makeup couldn't even cover up the black and blue bruises that covered his face.

It was comical, if not a bit frightening to see this small child practically a baby sitting upon a knocked out, grown ass man. His little stubby legs dangling off the side of his body, too small to even reach the ground.

Of course nothing stays under the Bats radar for long so he end up eventually getting spotted. However none of the Bats where expecting such resistance from the civilians when they offered to take the kid.

Now whenever the little tyke is bumbling around and a Bat (or any other vigilante associated with them) is in the area, it's all hands on deck to distract Danny and get him somewhere else.

[bookish-slut]

Being able to have an intelligent conversation with someone is such a turn on I swear. Like I could get off on having a mentally stimulating conversation. Like yes I will beg you to slam me into the mattress and fuck me silly, but maybe round 2 could be us talking about geopolitical issues and conspiracy theories

[aperrywilliams]

We Could Try (Part 8): Stay With Me (Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader)

(Not my gif. Credits to the creator!)

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Author Masterlist / Clueless (prequel)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Summary: The team finds out where Turpin has Valerie and Reader. Will they get there on time?

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: Angst. Case's description. A hostage situation with blows, cuts, and blood is described. Hospital things and CM usual stuff. If I forgot something, let me know.

A/N: Here is another chapter, folks! The next one will be the last of this series. Thank you for your support so far. I love y'all!

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'Spencer? Spencer! Stay with me!'

(Y/N) held Spencer's head as she put some pressure on his neck where the wound was located. Everything around them was a mess. Gunshots were coming and going, and (Y/N) only could focus on why, for God's sake, the paramedics couldn't reach them faster.

Spencer barely blinked and was trying to say something, but (Y/N) insisted on him not doing it.

'Stay with me. Just squeeze my hand. Don't talk; you need the oxygen.'

'I - I lo-' he mumbled but couldn't finish because he passed out. At that moment, (Y/N) freaked out. When she was about to crumble, the paramedics arrived and started to check on Spencer. Morgan held her tight from her middle section to separate from him so the paramedics could do their job.

Hotch didn't let her ride in the ambulance, but he drove them - (Y/N), Blake, and JJ - to the hospital.

The hours waiting for news about Spencer's condition were endless. (Y/N) paced from one corner to another, biting her nails. Her friend could die, and she couldn't do anything. Yeah, her 'friend.'

Seven years on the team, and (Y/N) still didn't confess her feelings for her coworker and friend. Maybe she has lost her chance. The thought was unbearable. (Y/N) swore that if Spencer made it, she would tell him everything.

When the doctor announced Spencer would fully recover, (Y/N) breathed again. Hotch - who always knew about (Y/N) and Spencer pinning for each other without them even knowing - instructed (Y/N) to stay with him as the rest of the team worked to wrap the case and catch the bastard shot Spencer.

She didn't leave his side for hours, grabbing his hand and squeezing it to convince herself he was alive and will be okay.

-

(Y/N)?! Can you hear me?

A frantic voice rang in (Y/N)'s ears. Spencer?

Recovering her senses, she realized the voice wasn't Spencer's. It was Valerie's.

That meant two things: she was still alive, and Valerie was still alive. However, the pain and numbness in various parts of her body told her she was not in the best condition. (Y/N) couldn't move her body, and it was hard for her to breathe. The son of a bitch had given her a good beating.

"(Y/N), please tell me something. Tell me anything," Valerie spoke again.

Valerie watched her breathe, but she didn't know for how long. There was terror in her voice. The fear that (Y/N) was dying.

"How long has it been since he left?" (Y/N) murmured. Valerie sighed, somewhat relieved when she heard her voice.

"Half an hour or so," she responded by watching intently as (Y/N) moved her body to regain some consciousness.

(Y/N) knew they didn't have much time left. She suspected the team knew everything by now, and they were trying to find Turpin's location. But it was unlikely that both could be saved at the same time. And given the conditions, Valerie had a better chance.

"I have to tell you something," she whispered to Valerie. "It's important," she added.

Valerie didn't know if she was going to like what she was going to hear.

-

"But in this case, significant to whom? Valerie or (Y/N)? Or both?" Rossi asked. They were discussing where Turpin could have (Y/N) and Valerie.

"Their paths never crossed before. I mean, until, well-"Luke trailed off, looking at Spencer.

"Until me. Yeah. I know," Spencer finished Luke's statement. The team members looked at each other knowingly, but Green didn't understand. He was about to ask when Prentiss interrupted.

"I hate to say this, but it has to do with (Y/N). She's the alpha here. She's a threat to Turpin. Not Valerie."

Spencer was aware that Emily might be right, which meant that possibly (Y/N) was having the worst time right now. He racked his head for somewhere in New York that might have meaning to (Y/N) and Turpin might know about.

"Some place she could have mentioned regarding her job in Boston and linked to New York?" JJ urged.

"I'm thinking! She barely has left the city if it was not to come to DC!" Spencer reacted, pacing in the room.

"There is no way he could know about her in DC. He knows her from the investigation the Boston department did," Emily concluded.

Something clicked on Spencer after Emily's words.

"She told me once she couldn't come to DC because of a seminar she needed to attend out of Boston. Four months ago," Spencer mentioned.

"Garcia, search for a seminar (Y/N) attended four months ago. Possibly in New York," Rossi instructed. They were holding their breath until Garcia spoke.

"Sorry folks, she was a speaker in a seminar four months ago, but it was in Filadelfia. There are no flights or bookings of her in New York until now."

"Shit," Rossi mumbled. Spencer shook his head.

"Wait. What was it about? What did she present?"

Garcia typed for a couple of seconds. Emily looked at Spencer, confused.

"Oh! You're a boy genius, indeed," Garcia chirped. "She presented two cases about serial killers on the loose—the killings of New Haven, Providence, and Boston. And! the killings in Astoria Park two years ago. In both, she consulted." she clarified.

"That's how he knew about her. Turpin knew she was working on the case," Tara commented.

"What about the Astoria Park case?" Spencer asked again.

"In the presentation, she mentioned both cases were highly important for her as an FBI agent, and she compelled the audience to not forget about them," Garcia explained.

"That's it. Turpin knew about that," Luke concluded.

They got everything they could about the Astoria Park cases, crossing references with recent traffic footage and cellphone triangulation. That is how they got an address—an abandoned building located on one corner of Astoria Park where the first victim was found.

"We got you, son of the bitch!" Rossi chimed as the team quickly prepared to go. They knew the time was ticking, and things could turn pretty messy after two days. Green also called the SWAT team to help with the takedown.

Spencer just hoped it wasn't too late and both (Y/N) and Valerie were okay. Bouncing his leg nervously, he could only think of everything he wanted to say to (Y/N).

-

Valerie's screams alerted Turpin that something was happening in the basement. Quickly he grabbed his gun and ran downs stairs. Valerie was yelling at the top of her lungs.

"You killed her! Son of the bitch!"

"What's wrong with you?!" Turpin urged, looking at Valerie for an explanation. Valerie was fully crying, shaking the chains that kept her tied up. Turpin's eyes widened. Turpin knew how badly he had beaten (Y/N), but she was alive when he left, and he thought she could endure a little more. He wasn't done with her yet.

(Y/N) was lying on the floor, in the same position where he had left her a while ago. He moved closer to take her pulse while Valerie continued to yell angrily. Turpin felt some pulse, but it was almost unnoticeable.

"Shut up! She is still alive. Don't be dramatic," Turpin said, moving closer to Valerie now, ready to hit her to stop her screaming. Valerie gulped, seeing him approaching but kept yelling at him.

"Don't lie! You killed her!"

"Enough!" Turpin demanded, hitting Valerie with the back of his hand. "If you don't shut up, I'll kill you first!" She yelped from the blow but turned her head quickly to spit on him.

"You coward!" Valerie yelled again. But when he was about to assert another blow on her, (Y/N) launched over Turpin, pushing him onto the floor. The gun he had, fell a few meters from them.

What happened next was just confusion. Turpin clearly didn't expect to be attacked, almost thinking (Y/N) lay dying on the floor. Now, (Y/N) barely had any strength, but she managed to land a couple of blows that disoriented him. Still, (Y/N) was at a disadvantage. Valerie was still tied up, and (Y/N) had no other weapon except for her own hands.

Instinctively Valerie struggled against her restraints, praying they would give so she could break free. Turpin managed to recover a bit and pushed (Y/N). He quickly went to grab the gun from the floor, but after so much forcing, Valerie managed to free one of her hands, enough to throw her low body onto the gun and kick it in the direction of (Y/N) before Turpin could reach it.

It was a matter of seconds between (Y/N) grabbing the gun and Turpin launching on her to get it back. Valerie watched in horror how they fought and how Turpin was about to take the weapon from (Y/N) 's hands.

-

The team arrived at the building, quickly descending from the SUVs as the police and SWAT cordoned off the area.

But before Green and Prentiss could settle any strategy, two shots were heard from the inside.

"Shit," Prentiss mumbled. Green took the lead and yelled to the SWAT team.

"Go! Go! Go!" 

Then a bunch of SWAT rushed inside.

"No, no, no, no. (Y/N)!" Spencer shouted, ready to run to the entrance, gun in hand. JJ tried to stop him with her hands on his shoulders.

"Spence! We don't know yet what's going on," she reasoned.

"But (Y/N) is in there! I'm not staying here," Spencer broke free of JJ's grasp and kept running towards the shot source. His heart was beating fast and, in his mind, only one thought: 'she has to be okay; please let her be okay.'

When Spencer reached the basement, (Y/N) was on her knees, arms still holding the gun towards Turpin, who was on the floor, dead. Valerie was in a corner, her free arm covering her head.

(Y/N) looked frozen on the spot, her hands shaking.

"(Y/N), can you hear me?" Spencer asked cautiously, approaching and holstering his gun. "He's dead. Hey, look at me. It's over."

(Y/N) looked so far away. Her trembling hands didn't falter the grip of the gun, though. It was like being in alert mode but only focused on the threat, not the surroundings. Spencer knew so well that headspace, and it broke him to witness it on (Y/N).

"Yeah. It's me. Come on, give me the gun. It's over (Y/N)"

Spencer slowly approached in hopes of bringing her attention back. (Y/N) looked pale, although all the bruises and blood covered her face. It was like she was about to faint at any moment.

"She's severely injured! She needs a medic!" Valerie yelled at the same time (Y/N) left the gun's grasp and fell to the floor.

Spencer kneeled quickly to catch her before her head could touch the floor.

"Spencer-" she mumbled when their eyes met. Immediately he inspected her body, locating each wound at sight.

"It's okay; it's over. You did it. You caught him," Spencer reassured her.

"I - I didn't know. I'm so-" (Y/N) only could babble at this point. She felt so weak, and even if she didn't want to give up, her body was telling her otherwise.

"I know. I know. It's okay. You are safe now. I promise." But (Y/N) didn't react. She felt her eyes heavy and her body numb.

Tears started pooling from Spencer's eyes.

“(Y/N)? Look at me. Hey, stay with me!" Spencer shouted to catch her attention, but (Y/N) had her eyes shut now, her breathing uneven, and her pulse was barely there.

"We need a medic here!" Valerie kept bawling as a SWAT member untied her.

Two paramedics rushed over (Y/N) to control her vitals. Spencer didn't want to move from her side, but Prentiss, who had entered the basement a few seconds ago, pulled him to give the paramedics room to work.

"We need to move fast! We're losing pulse!" One of the guys checking on (Y/N) shouted as they maneuvered her into the stretcher.

Spencer wiggled to get free from Emily's grasp, but with Luke's help, he couldn't.

"Come on, man. We'll ride to the hospital. Let them do their job," Luke told Spencer.

Another paramedic and Tara were checking on Valerie, who was still shocked by the ordeal. It was hard to believe, and she was grateful for being alive, but she had a sharp feeling of guilt punching her stomach. She had never felt that way before.

-

Spencer hated hospitals. But truth be told, who could like a place like that? Not the BAU members, of course. Each one has had a non-grata experience with hospitals in their life.

Now it wasn't the exception.

Spencer was sitting in the waiting room with JJ, alert for any news about (Y/N) 's condition. Prentiss and Green were dealing with the scene in the basement with Luke and Matt's help. Tara and Rossi were talking to Valerie and getting her statement.

"It took us too long to realize it was him. We wasted too much time. We could have gotten there before he beat her like that," Spencer lamented, his body leaning forward, with his hands holding his head and eyes on the floor.

"Spence, don't do that. You need to focus on her recovery. What it's done, it's done," JJ squeezed his elbow. She wanted to get him out of those guilty thoughts, but Spencer wasn't getting the memo.

"I'm scared, JJ. I'm so fucking scared," he paused to control the urge to cry. "I can't imagine what would be my life if she- if she- God. Not like this, please," he sniffled. JJ hugged him, and Spencer let himself cry in her arms.

"I - I have been so selfish, JJ. I didn't see through and accused her of the same thing I did to her in the past. I'm so stupid." Spencer needed to spill it out. JJ tightened their embrace, but Spencer wasn't done talking yet.

"Time. How absurd that sounds now, uh? I thought time would be enough to fix what I did to her. Now time is escaping through my fingers."

He felt powerless and so afraid. All doubts and mixed feelings he could have before no longer mattered. The love of his life was fighting to stay alive, and Spencer couldn't do anything to help her.

It wasn't entirely clear how much time had passed, but it seemed endless in that waiting room.

Spencer didn't want to move from there until he could have some news. The team showed up a couple of times to check for information too. They were visibly worried but tried to keep their spirit high to prevent Spencer from crumbling.

It was almost night when a doctor came to give an update. Spencer was keeping company with Prentiss at that moment.

"Agent (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?" The doctor asked. Emily and Spencer stood at the same time.

"I'm her unit chief Emily Prentiss, and he is agent (Y/L/N) 's boyfriend, doctor Spencer Reid. How's she?" Emily asked. The doctor nodded.

"I'm doctor Roland. I performed the surgery on the agent (Y/L/N). She came in really bad condition and even flatlined a couple of times. But we were able to stabilize her. Her condition is still critical, though. We need to monitor the next few hours. If she can make it through the night, we have good chances."

Emily and Spencer nodded. They understood what that meant. Spencer asked if he could see her, and doctor Roland agreed. Emily knew Spencer wouldn't leave (Y/N) 's side, so she requested updates and promised to come back with some clothes for him.

(Y/N) lay there, several machines controlling her vitals. She had bandages on her head and arms. Spencer suspected the rest of her body was in a similar condition. Her face showed dark bruises and red marks from the dried blood.

"Hey, love. The doctor said I could stay here with you tonight. Is that okay? I hope it does," Spencer mumbled, approaching the bed. His hands were shaking.

He kept there, contemplating her- watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. Confirmation that she was still there.

Spencer felt a lump in his throat from fear and the stuck words he hadn't been able to get out in months. 

As the distance grew between them, Spencer could tell that something was wrong, but he didn't think (Y/N) 's doubts were still hunting them closely, and he was to blame for that.

"I know you're still mad at me. I'm so sorry. But I promise I didn't want to hurt you. I love you too much to ever think of doing it. I mean, I know I did back then. And I hated myself for that. I still do."

Adrian's words echoed in Spencer's head: (Y/N) had left DC because of him, because of his poor decisions and the foolish idea that by pushing (Y/N) away, he could protect her from himself. That seemed so stupid now when she was lying in that hospital bed.

"You know? My therapist told me I needed to consider what I wanted for our relationship. That I already made all the amends I had to, but all possible amendments still seem so insignificant compared to the pain I caused you."

His shaky, scratchy voice was evidence of the tears he had shed in the last few hours. Spencer cleared his throat to keep talking, hoping that maybe (Y/N) could hear him.

"You said that you didn't trust me enough yet. And I understand. I thought time would be enough to get that trust back, but I didn't notice you weren't ready. And I pushed it. Selfishly I pushed it."

His hands held one of hers. Despite the hospital's cold, Spencer could feel the warmth of her touch. Gently stroking her hand, he wanted to feel closer to her.

"I promise not to do it again. But please, come back to me, my love. Stay with me. Please," Spencer begged with tears pricking the corner of his eyes.

Spencer truly hoped that (Y/N) could hear him in some capacity - that he could convince her to keep fighting.

-

After being discharged, Valerie asked a nurse about (Y/N) 's condition, and the nurse told her what room (Y/N) was in.

Valerie peeked through the door and saw Spencer in a chair, an arm stretched, holding (Y/N) 's hand. It was nearly midnight by now; maybe not a good time to show up, but she was already there.

"Hey. Sorry for bothering you," Valerie apologized, peaking Spencer's attention. He turned to look at her, giving a slight nod.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" Spencer asked, seeing the bandages she sported and the cast holding her right arm.

"I'm okay. Just a sprain and a couple of bruises and cuts. How's (Y/N) doing?" Valerie hastened to ask, stepping inside the room.

"She hasn't woken up yet. The doctor says if she can make it through the night, she has better chances," Spencer informed.

Valerie could see all the distress written on Spencer's face. It was painful for anyone could see. 

"I'm sure she is fighting. She'll make it," Valerie said, eyeing the girl in the hospital bed. Spencer frowned as he stood to grab a cup of water from the side table.

"You don't have to be kind, Valerie. You don't even need to be here. You can go home," Spencer said before sipping from the cup. Valerie nodded.

"I know, but that woman saved my life. Kind is the least I can be," she stated. Spencer squinted his eyes at her. Was she being honest, or was it another Valerie's thing before coming up with an ominous remark?

"Yeah. It's not something I like to say, but I owe (Y/N)," Valerie continued. She knew Spencer didn't believe her and didn't blame him. "Ironic, uh? I mean, after the things between us and how 'highly' I spoke about her in the past," Valerie sighed at Spencer's frown. "Spencer, I'm not proud of what I did. And you don't have to believe me at all, but it's true."

Spencer blinked a couple of times, trying to think what to say. He was tired, and the last he wanted was to deal with Valerie and that story. It was too much already.

"I don't want to be rude, but it doesn't matter if I believe you," Spencer said, shooking his head.

"Understandable. I just wanted you to know something, though. She asked me to tell you something, actually." Valerie said, flicking her gaze between (Y/N) and Spencer.

"She did what?" Spencer asked in disbelief.

"After she told me about her plan to get us out of there - well, get me out of there because she was sure she wouldn't make it - (Y/N) made me promise I would tell you how sorry she was. About pushing you away. About doubting of you," Valerie recounted.

"(Y/N) told you that?"

Valerie nodded.

"Yeah. Honestly? I don't think she stopped thinking about you all the time we were there. I heard her mumbling your name a few times."

That wasn't the only thing Valerie wanted to say, though. Since the basement ordeal, she kept thinking about her shared past with (Y/N) and Spencer. Things looked so different now.

People say when you face a near-to-dead experience, you start to question your past decisions and actions. It happened to Valerie, and the summary she got didn't make her feel better.

"I made a mess in your relationship. I know that. It doesn't matter why I did it, but I did it. And the extent of my doing? It doesn't make me proud."

Spencer scoffed. It was nearly unbelievable to him to see Valerie taking the blame he had in the first place.

He did it. He hurt (Y/N). Valerie was involved in his poor decisions, but it was all his doing.

"Well, I guess we are two feeling the same," Spencer muttered, shifting his weight from one foot to another. His finger played unconsciously with the styrofoam cup.

"You know? I can stop thinking about the night she asserted her fist on my nose. It was true I provoked her. You already know that. What you don't know is what I said to her," Valerie prefaced, toying with the cast strap. Spencer sighed, remembering that night. 

"That we were sleeping together before she broke up with me? I already know that. And you knew it was a lie," he said curtly.

"Yeah, that too. But that wasn't all." Spencer quirked an eyebrow. He always wanted (Y/N) could tell him about that night, but she always refused, telling him it was not worth even mentioning. He never pressured her into that again.

Valerie told him everything that happened. This time, all facts, no lies. She recounted that (Y/N) was worried about him. She said that she told (Y/N) to stay away. And most importantly, how insignificant she made (Y/N) feel, telling her she wasn't enough for Spencer and people only pitied her—telling her that she was weak for not fighting for him.

"I hit a nerve. It was clear I did."

Now things made more sense to Spencer, especially what (Y/N) told him in the precinct days ago: 'It's not on you, Spencer. It's - it's on me.' She was insecure, not because Spencer did something this time; it was the fear of that night. The suspicion that Valerie could have been right.

"You told her that?! Valerie, what the fuck?" he asked, exasperated. Valerie couldn't say she was surprised by his reaction.

"I wanted to hurt her. Of course I was going to use that. Again, I'm not proud," she admitted, twitching her nose uncomfortably.

"Why are you telling me this, anyway?" Spencer folded his arms over his chest. Valerie shrugged. She wasn't sure why either.

"I guess it's because I'm being selfish. I needed to let it out. And you needed to know. (Y/N) was right. I didn't love you the way you deserved. But she did, and she does. Seeing you two these past few days made me realize that (Y/N) is your match in so many ways. That commitment to others and dedication? It's what your jobs mean to you." Spencer looked confused. Valerie continued. "You belong here, Spencer. I thought you didn't, but I was wrong. You are made to be a profiler and to work in the BAU. And most importantly, you belong to her. You deserve her, and she deserves you. And I know you don't give a shit what I think or say, but it's true. I think you should know."

"Does it matter if it's possible that she never could make it?" he asked bitterly. Valerie pursed her lips in a tight line.

"It matters because you will have the chance to be together again. And it matters because you need to ensure she doesn't doubt her worth again. No matter if a woman like me tries to get her nerve."

It was the first thing Valerie had said that Spencer was willing to take as advice in a long time. Perhaps it was the certainty with which she said 

he and (Y/N) would have the chance to be together again. Or maybe because now things made sense, and Spencer was determined to prove to (Y/N) that his heart could never belong to another person.

Spencer sat in the chair to stare at (Y/N) without saying a word to Valerie. What could he say? Valerie took that as her cue to leave the room in silence. And so she did.

This time would be the last Spencer would see Valerie Smith in his life.

-

When Spencer opened his eyes, he saw (Y/N)'s head resting on the mattress and felt her hand holding his. Life was giving him a new opportunity, and he wouldn't waste another minute without saying what it was stuck in his chest for years now.

'I love you,' he rasped. It was almost a whisper but enough to wake up (Y/N). She didn't register the words he said, just for the emotion of seeing him awake.

'Oh God, Spencer. I was so scared. I thought you-' She stopped her rant when it hit her. 'What?' Spencer's eyes were filled with adoration, the way he always looked at (Y/N).

'I love you, (Y/N). I have been in love with you for ages.' he paused to take a breath. He still felt weak after the surgery. 'And I'm sorry I didn't say anything before and for doing it now,' he took another pause. 'And I know that you don't feel the same, but I can't die and not tell you how I feel. I'm sorry.'

(Y/N)' s eyes widened. Was Spencer in love with her? It was a huge irony and a relief at the same time. She brought Spencer's hand to her lips and planted a loving kiss on it. Spencer looked at her oddly.

'Well, it happens that you beat me this time, doctor Reid. I was about to confess my utter love for you right now,' she chuckled, happy tears running down her cheeks.

'Really?' Spencer thought he might be dreaming or hallucinating after the surgery. (Y/N) nodded.

'Yeah. I guess we have been blind all these years.'

Spencer beamed. It was really happening.

'God, I love you. Please, let me take you out on a date.'

'As soon as you get out of here.'

Spencer smiled at the memory. He only hoped to get that chance again.

------------------

Spencer Reid’s Taglist: @dreatine​ @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @tvandfanfic​ @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @maltamurdock @disaster-in-waiting @pebble-has-a-mirgraine @anamiad00msday @chlochlosworld @milivanili99 @thebloomingeagle @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[aroaceleovaldez]

reminder that the only reason the "ADHD is actually demigod BATTLE STRATEGIES" and "dyslexia is DEMIGOD BRAINS HARDWIRED FOR ANCIENT GREEK" things exist in the PJO universe is because it's a very direct reference to early 2000s teaching/parenting techniques for neurodiverse and disabled children, which aimed to frame childrens' disabilities and hardships as a "superpower" or strength so that the children would feel more positively about their disabilities or situations. This technique has fallen out of favor since then for the most part since more often than not it just results in kids feeling as though their struggles are not being seen or taken seriously.

Yes, demigods are adhd/dyslexic (and sometimes autistic-coded) in the series. This is extremely important and trying to remove it or not acknowledge it makes the entire series fall apart because it is such a core concept. Yes, canon claims that their adhd/dyslexia is tied to some innate abilities, which is based on an outdated methodology. It's important to acknowledge that and understand where it comes from! But please stop trying to apply it to other pantheons in the series like "oh, the romans have dyscalculia because of roman numerals!" or "the norse demigods have dysgraphia for reasons!" - it's distasteful at best.

A better option is to acknowledge the meta inspiration for why that exists in the series, such as explaining potentially that Chiron was utilizing that same teaching methodology to try and help demigods feel more comfortable with their disabilities and they aren't literal powers. In fact, especially given Frank, there's implication that being adhd/dyslexic isn't a guaranteed demigod trait, which means it's more likely to be normally inherited from their godly parent/divine ancestor as a general trait, not a power, and further supports the whole "ADHD is battle strategy" thing being non-literal. It also implies the entire greco-roman pantheon in their universe is canonically adhd/dyslexic - and that actually fits very well with the themes of the first series. The entire central conflict of the first series fits perfectly as an allegory about neurodiverse/disabled children and their relationships with their undiagnosed neurodiverse/disabled parents and trying to find solutions together with their shared disability/disabilities that the kid inherited instead of becoming distant from each other (and this makes claiming equivalent to getting a diagnosis which is a fascinating allegory! not to mention the symbolism of demigods inheriting legacies and legends and powers from their parents and everything that comes with that being equivalent to inheriting traits, neurodiversity, and disabilities from your parents).

anyways neurodiversity and disability and the contexts in which the series utilizes representation of those experiences particularly during the 2000s symbolically within the narrative is incredibly important to the first series and the understanding of what themes it means to represent. also if i see one more "the romans have dyscalculia instead of dyslexia" post in 2023 i'm gonna walk into the ocean.

[inkskinned]

oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.

oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.

oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.

which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.

but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.

which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.

and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!

and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.

the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!

and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -

what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.

and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.

[egophiliac]

Do yoy like their silly little dance

the inside of my brain at any given moment: