#we had plenty of convos about that haha

[arcxnumvitae]

strawberryxdreams​ said: You know, I’m kinda team Ru in this. I think his response was fair and Aur deserved it. Go Ru!

I think everything ultimately came down to a difference in personalities, and the context of their dynamics and hangups with each other. Basically, I could see fault on both sides in this case. Aur’s a thinker and Ruaidhri’s a feeler, to Aur it didn’t feel like taboo ground to state the obvious truth “Mikael will die. You knew this? You had options to spare the both of you the pain of parting like that.” And there was definitely no malice or ill intent in it, Aur was mostly confused. But for where he went wrong, I think just because something seems logical to you still doesn’t make matters as simple as you might think they are, especially if you’re looking at how someone else may be feeling about the topic. And just because something is the truth doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still try to, you know, say it in an understanding or compassionate way that is considerate of what the person is going through. No matter what, Ruaidhri is facing the loss of someone important to him and he should have tried to think of a gentler way to phrase what he wanted to say.

Whereas Ruaidhri, the feeler, is like “I love him, I still can’t leave him even if I know this is inevitably destined towards sorrow.” His outburst actually wouldn’t have been as impassioned or severe had it not been for the conversation he had previously with his dad, or the way this precise issue has been gnawing against him for the past while.” But Ruaidhri I think went too far in his ‘heartless’ accusations, just because someone doesn’t emote the same way as you do or you misunderstand their intentions in what you say means they lack empathy or care (with this, I think of a lot of stereotypes and accusations ASD or neurodivergent people face for not outwardly emoting in the way other people expect them to). Like, aside from doing it in this moment of anger, it doesn’t make sense to accuse Aur of being heartless-- the man was the one who actively worked to fix things between Mikael and Ruaidhri when it would have solved more of his problems to ignore things and let the marriage continue. And I personally feel like deceased relatives, especially if it was recent and especially if it was painfully traumatic, should just not be mentioned in sensitive moments of emotion like that.

The core of Aur’s issue and character to me since he was first added has always been the way people find him disconcerting or hard to befriend because it’s always difficult to tell what he’s thinking or feeling. Ruaidhri’s at the time I added him was, funnily, that his life had kind of always revolved around the crown whether he liked it or not, not as internal as Aur’s personality thing but eh.

Then we also get into the issues of their pasts. Ruaidhri’s continuing lowkey grudge again Aur casually defining his entire life by virtue of being born to be married to him. And then Aur’s jealousy of Ruaidhri for living what he feels like is such a blissfully carefree and selfish existence, to the point where he could ditch the engagement and run off to the mortal world with his lover. I don’t think I’ve really talked about that stuff on Aur’s end though. Anyways, those underlying tensions also make them more susceptible to sour emotions towards the other.

Um...wow this got long. tl;dr: I think they both could have handled this better and they’ve got some stuff to work through.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay, I've been discussing ideas about a PJO Psych crossover and it is now time to share my findings

Okay, so once upon a time Henry Spencer met a woman who when posing as a mortal went by the name Madeleine but she was actually a goddess, they had a kid, she was a minor goddess, so she was able to stay for a while, but eventually she left.

Yes, of COURSE Shawn thinks it's his Dad's fault

The goddess was Mnemosyne, the Greek goddess of MEMORY and the mother of the muses (works perfectly, right??!??!?!)

And Gus is his Satyr protector!!!

Henry does all the same training with Shawn to be a cop and such

Shawn gets his eidetic memory from his mother, the goddess of memory

I've also decided he gets taskmaster powers (can do anything he sees from memory) because that fucks hard

Shawn gets the record of fastest kid to get claimed as his mother officially claims him before he even leaves for camp

Here's her symbol by the way!

Anyway, when Shawn gets to camp, he's a total little shit

At first, the other campers think he's just not being claimed, depending on how you work the timeline here? Percy is pissed

Then Gus and Shawn explain that he actually got claimed before he even showed up (Percy vows to personally thank his godly parent for being an actually decent person)

So, they ask who it is, and Shawn WILL NOT TELL THEM

Why? Because it's funner that way!

They have an ongoing tally and betting pool of who his godly parent is, no one guesses it

He also keeps sneaking Mr D alcohol because it's funny and no one but Dionysus is happy about that

Gus is still his best friend that he drags into things, obv, they probably end up soul bound just like percy and grover

Juliet is a child of Athena

Lassie is a child of Ares and if your going by the show there's a super funny joke about how he looks exactly like Hephaestus but is the son of the guy he hates most, haha

Shawn KILLS at capture the flag

No one believes him when he says he doesn't have charm speak

Instead of becoming a SB Psychic, he ends up being this crime solving traveling cryptid (he's gotta keep moving bc monsters) (dont worry, he still visits camp pretty often and likes to drop by Santa Barbara to solve crimes and piss off his dad)

There was also a lengthy convo about each gods opinion of him of any of you wanna hear that

Shawn is the muse of doing weird shit

Also art lover shawn 🔛🔝, he's got plenty of muse talent, yall

Instead of pretending to be a psychic, he's pretending to NOT be muse adjacent

And now, a list of Gods people keep guessing for Shawn

Dionysus, Hermes, Athena, Aphrodite, Apollo, Hecate

And finally, gay people real???

As you can see, we mostly talked about Shawn lol

[infamous-if]

There are PLENTY of SUPER popular artists that were not famous until they were 30-40+ years old. No everyone is a boy band 🤷‍♀️

Also 25 years old isn't that far from 30 and 30 isn't what old either. A lot of people aren't famous as children even. They don't find success until adulthood.

Definitely and this is giving me deja vu because this is the exact convo we had when I first opened this blog about MC and anons assuming that 26 year old MC not being famous yet means the problem lies with MC’s talent when it’s just the way the industry works. A lot of people thought that MC must not be talented if they’re still not famous even after grinding so long but people don’t realize it takes a great deal of luck, something out of our control.

G’s case is actually really rare, and even making it as a younger person is very difficult. I think the band should applaud themselves for sticking together this long, even after a whole break up and a member leaving and failing the BOTB auditions before, especially since I’m sure many other people would’ve quit or left the band for a more secure job. It’s even mentioned in the demo how most bands in the competition were put together by their labels rather being done organically the way MC’s band was, and the rarity of that. The loser part (at least from me) is completely affectionate haha I find it sweet that they’re sticking together rather than going to another band or doing something else in the industry that would probably find them success a bit easier.

I think MC seeing the lows of their band and still continuing shows how tight-knit they actually are.

Also, 30 is definitely not old. Neither is 40. If someone wants to do start working on their dream at 70 years old, more power to them! We are the captains of our own fate and all that jazz.

[markantonys]

Rand Mat reunion was everything but it was also weird to me that Mat had a non reaction to Rand being able to channel (unless he doesn't realize it? It was pointedly not mentioned). I didn't want Mat to have a bad reaction to it I just think the show hasn't developed enough how the whole world hates and despises male channelers, not just the Aes Sedai

mat does realize it, yes! he calls rand the dragon reborn (kinda under his breath) at the end of their catchup convo. and eh, in the context of the show it makes sense that he doesn't react because show!mat has known for 1 year that one of the five of them is TDR and for 6 months that it's rand (i'm assuming he worked it out from the excerpts liandrin read him of perrin's letters which would've told him rand died i.e. was probably the one who went to fight the dark one), so he's had plenty of time to process this information, as opposed to book!mat whose bad reaction occurs when he learns all this completely out of the blue. and i think it makes sense that mat's primary emotion in this episode would be joy that his BFF he thought was dead is actually alive! it doesn't necessarily mean he won't have a more complicated relationship with rand's channeling ability later on, especially since there's a whole Stabbing Situation that's still an open question haha

as for the more general point, from what i can recall the books did pretty much have the same trajectory as the show thus far: in the early books we mostly learn about fear of male channelers through rand internally wrestling with being one, and external non-aes-sedai reactions don't come into play until he becomes a public channeler in TSR-ish. we really have not yet been in a situation in the show where (known) male channelers are interacting with non-aes sedai, and the handful of times we HAVE had that situation, that hatred is absolutely present (logain's parade, mat asking rand to kill him if it turned out he was a male channeler, selene putting on an act of how a normal person would react to learning their boyfriend can channel). so in my opinion it's reasonable that we haven't seen a whole lot of public attitudes yet, and it's too early to worry that the show will never include it at all. (i'm SURE we will at least get characters fussing about rand going mad in later seasons once the trauma starts acting up, for example, but it's too early for that now.)

[branmer]

🧡💚🖤💖💕 for b5!

for this meme

sorry i took a wee bit to reply to these! but here we go! controversial opinions under cut >:)

🧡that the minbari soul stuff is real and should be taken at face value, which imo completely ignores several in-show details we get that indicate that the trilumanaries weren't detecting souls, but human dna. we even get this pretty much explained to us in atonement when it's explained that the triluminary glows for delenn because she's a child of valen and therefore descended from the jeffster himself. that's also why the triluminary glowed for other humans that were interrogated! not because it was picking up fragments of of valen's soul in them all, but because it was just picking up human dna! and ok, granted, i have no fucking clue how that works either re the triluminary somehow being an advanced scanner or the dna stuff lol, but b5 has plenty of examples of stuff where tech is simply so advanced it gets mistaken for or used as magic (the fucking technomages damn it). anyway i just. do not understand why people take the soul stuff at face value when the show itself LITERALLY DISPROVES IT. gOD

💚 i talked about neroon in my previous response so i will turn now to branmer. again this is a taking things at face value thing, but i really don't get it when people just assume delenn is totally correct that he didn't really want to be a warrior and was forced etc, especially since in that same convo she says stuff that contradict that! saying stuff like 'he believed in the rightness of the war' doesn't sound like a guy who felt bad about joining the fray, it sounds like he was very into it in fact! and then the fact that she gives that very uh, interestingly worded response when sinclair asks her how branmer felt about the surrender... anyway I just think that if branmer became a warrior it was because he wanted to and because he got some fulfillment in the role and i think a lot of what delenn says in that scene is her trying to assauge her guilt because she feels he wouldn't have become involved in the war if not for choices she made. i also like, really don't see what right she had to claim him for the religious caste when he had chosen the warrior caste. that sounds a lot like her attempting to invalidate a legit choice her friend made just because she didn't agree with it and is actually very uncool!

🖤same answer as before: delenn. i just think she is a much more morally complex and interesting character than she gets portrayed as by fandom and i think her characterisation from mid s4 onwards did her an immense diservice. i much prefer her more conflicted characterisation in earlier seasons, tho i will give s4 credit for rbl, an episode which straight up says 'delenn is actually very blinkered and prejudiced and lets this effect her perspective and her decisions in a not great way' but then concludes with lennier going 'and actually that's a good thing!' NO IT ISN'T LENNIER, and you need to have a proper talk with her about it!

💖i mean honestly i think it's probably that i have issues with the latter season's portrayal of delenn and sheridan as always righteous and correct and a total power couple girlbossing their way to glorious success. i think there are a lot of things that are quite effed up about the establishment of the interstellar alliance and how much power ends up consolidated in their hands with zero oversight. what's interesting is that i feel like s5 sort of attempted to criticise it with sheridan making many terrible decisions as president? but im not actually sure if that was deliberate and not just... bad writing on jms's part and him not realising he was making them do incredibly stupid things

💕i feel like all my ships are smaller ships that aren't super popular lol, probably the most popular is marcus/neroon. i put down neroon/sheridan last time for this one haha, but for the sake of a bit of change i will also say: any of my oc ships. i have many minbo ocs and i do love to ship them with each other haha

thank you for the ask <33333 sorry again i took a bit to reply

[blackjackkent]

Ahhhhh we're getting so close to the end of the game!

Last open-world quest remaining, I believe, is going to find Ansur. So that is today's adventure!

And then this coming week and into next weekend we will begin... [dramatic cymbal crash] The Endgame. I am very nervous and very excited, haha.

We'll do a quick trot around the unexplored remainder of the west edge of the Lower City and then get to work.

Another brief little convo in camp with Shadowheart before we head out:

"That little hideaway that we found in the cloister - it almost felt like I'd found a piece of my childhood. A childhood I don't really remember. But remember it or not, I felt right at home there, surrounded by books and night orchids."

"Want to go and spend some more time there?" asks Hector kindly.

"Don't tempt me. I might find it hard to leave. Well, can you imagine what it would have been like, growing up in that place? Endless training, no privacy, facing scorn wherever I looked. I can very easily imagine I needed somewhere to escape to, if I was to survive. Nocturne and I must have come here a lot. We probably had plenty we wanted to hide from. Anyway, I think that little hideaway helped shape who I am, as much as any sermon or training did. Funny, the things that influence you..."

I like to think she's talking a little about Hector there too - that he's helped influence her in a positive direction, even if they haven't always gotten along.

"What about the memories that were taken from you?" Hector asks.

"Most are lost forever. Some may creep back into my mind, if I encounter anything that helps clear the fog." A pause, and her voice goes softer and much, much sadder. "Then there's what Shar did restore to me. Memories of pain, suffering. Both my own and... what I inflicted. It's overwhelming, like a lifetime's worth of nightmares, unleashed all at once upon waking. I can barely untangle one moment from another, not that I even want to. I just know that my heart sinks if I let my thoughts wander to them..."

"Shar did that for no other purpose but sheer spite?" Hector is finding that there is a wide difference between being trained to abhor a goddess's teachings in theory and actually witnessing that goddess's cruelty for himself.

"Shar seeks to break people. To fill their lives with despair, so that they will turn to her for relief. Perhaps she thought this would lead me back to her in time. But it won't. I fought too hard to win my freedom; I will not give it up again. No matter how much it hurts."

"What about us? Do you still remember all we've been through?"

"Of course. From the first time I laid eyes on you, right until now. That's all safe - I wouldn't surrender even a moment of it."

Awwww. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[rivetgoth]

I don’t know if you can answer this because idk if you’re gay or not but would you say it’s nearly impossible for someone who is ftm and gay like me to find a cis gender boyfriend? I know there’s chasers and to some I’m like a kink but I feel like most cis gay men are not open to dating, let alone ever settling down one day with a trans guy

I don’t mean this to sound rude but I’d probably recommend checking out my bio in the future because unfortunately (for the context of this ask, not for me, haha) I’m bisexual and in a long term and happy relationship with a woman, so I’m not gay, no, and I’d probably suggest finding a gay trans guy who is in a happy relationship with a man to get better information on this, but I mean… I’ve known PLENTY of trans guys of all orientations who have found love. I’ve known trans guys with success in dating apps for both relationships and hookups, trans guys who’ve been in happy relationships with men, etc. I would not at all say that it’s nearly impossible; I think if you interact with large LGBT community spaces (which I’m very aware is a privilege that I have due to living in a big city in a blue state, I’m not saying that’s an easy thing to have access to) you’ll hear a MASSIVE amount of varied experiences among trans people in relationships, including a huge number who have happy relationships with long term partners.

Like, truly, speaking from experience as someone who knows a LOT of trans people, I would earnestly say, not trying to just sound nice or sugarcoating it or anything, the ratio of trans men (and trans people I know in general, including transfems and nonbinary people) in happy relationships is just about perfectly 50:50 to the cis people I know. I do know trans men who are chronically single and struggle hugely to find relationships. I also know cis men in the exact same boat. I know trans men who are in open relationships and have both long term partners and are able to hookup with hot guys they meet. I know both straight and lesbian trans women with long term partners. I know kinky polyamorous nonbinary people who have had like 3-4 partners at once. Trans women in huge polycules. I know chronically single socially awkward cis women. It’s like. Genuinely not even something I really think about, I know so many “taken” trans people by being active in local kink and alt and LGBT spaces, and I’m not exactly like a social butterfly that knows insane numbers of people, I just am never surprised to hear about a trans person in a relationship because it’s not even a rarity or anything to me, you know?

I do get that dating as a trans person can feel like a minefield though, especially if you’re in an area that doesn’t have a big LGBT community presence. Options feel limited and at worst it can genuinely feel unsafe. I still get nervous when I’m hit on sometimes because I’m aware as a passing transsexual guy that I’m not being interpreted as trans and thus if I pursue the relationship there will be a moment that I’ll have to “come out,” where my genitals will have to be a whole convo on the table and it’ll be for some the moment of judgment and they may very well change their mind altogether, if not react with violence or aggression. That sucks. Like, a lot. I also don’t really think that it’s possible for anyone, trans or cis, to have a healthy and happy relationship unless we feel at least somewhat secure in ourselves. You know the whole “you can’t be loved until you love yourself” phrase? Obviously that’s not 100% true point blank, but I do think it’s hard to express outwards affection in a healthy way when you can’t get out of your own insecurities; it’s bound to be projected onto others or keep you from fully expressing yourself and your wants. But that’s hard for lots of trans folk, due to both dysphoria as well as external pressures like how so much of society views our bodies as anomalies or fetishes. So there is a balancing act that kind of has to happen where you learn self preservation and being smart about how you put yourself out there, but also learn to confidently put yourself out there at all and not be limited by fear. Tricky, and sometimes luck based IME, but like, the more social interaction you have and the more people you meet and the more you’re rejected and the more you’re able to form positive social connections and just the more experience you get in general the easier it becomes.

And uh last thought, I’m not going to touch this too much because I get it’s a touchy subject, but you asked me so I’m answering, I would like to push back on something here— I’d suggest asking yourself why you explicitly seem to be looking to date cis? I know “genital preferences” is like, a massively controversial subject and I don’t need anyone justifying themselves in my inbox by explaining the nuances of their unique traumas or preferences that have made them decide that they only want to date cis (I’m an anarchist so I think you can do whatever you want lol) but like, all being open to dating other trans guys does is open up the door to more options and possibilities? I’m not exclusively T4T myself seeing as I’m literally not dating a trans person, but I have spoken before about how I’m not really crazy about trans people who explicitly only date cis. I think there are often implications there that should be worked through about how you view your own identity TBH, but that’s not really my business. My advice stands regardless of your relationship preferences or goals IMHO.

[wikiangela]

911 6x05!

spoilers under the cut!

Athena's back!! 😍

Detective Buckley 😂😂 I love this

not Athena jump-scaring both Buck and me 😂😂😂

MADNEY ARE BACK!!! 😍

I have never seen a toddler leave their parents so peacefully, especially when they see their parent and say goodbye, with a nanny/whoever and I've been around quite a few kids 😂😂 when I was babysitting my cousin I had to keep her occupied while my aunt sneaked out without her noticing lmao

and May is back too, yaaay, I was starting to worry that we weren't gonna see much of her since she's off at college haha but I'll take a few minutes an episode, just keep her around pls 😂

oh no Athena's allergic to the dog 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 why the hell wouldn't you tell your husband that 😂😂😂

the way they go from funny to Maddie hearing a guy get shot on a call - I just love this show

I love Karen so much ❤️

I almost forgot about Hen's exam tbh I hope she passes this time lol

random thought but like: why do people in shows get up from the table and clear the plates while they're still full of food?? that's so annoying tbh 😂😂😂

so Hoover is Hen's dog now 😂😂 lmao that was so funny, here I thought Hen wouldn't take it and Bobby would try to give him to anyone else in the firefam 😂😂

Hoover scratching at the door 😂 Karen I'm so sorry 🤣🤣

"and the fact that they were guaranteed never to be home" okay I remember the trailer now lol - but also, is it just me or does Athena sound different when she says only this sentence? kinda as if they added it in post - idk, this one sentence just stood out of the whole convo

shit it's Noah isn't it - Maddie gave him access to her whatever at the beginning of the season 😩

God there is so much going on I forgot about the nanny thing 😂

aaaand that's why we don't wear shoes inside here - it's just so gross

the nanny is creepy tho sns

Chim and Maddie just hanging out in the bathtub 😂😂

oh, so she didn't give him the password, he just saw her type it in, okay, this makes sense 😂😂 he folded pretty quickly tho 😂

just like I expected, Hoover's making rounds among the firefam 😂 this is lowkey hilarious 😂😂

"that was weirder than usual" 😂😂 seriously 😂

Hen's killing it and I love it, and the dog thing is just hilarious 😂

YAS she passed!!

Karen is seriously the best, I love her (can you believe my sister dislikes her??? like, how????)

I was just thinking that I hope we'll still see plenty of Hen even when she's a doctor, and now they're giving me some firefam mini-montage?? it was such a funny episode, I wasn't expecting to cry, but when Chim and Hen looked at each other..... 😭

she's not leaving the show is she??! why does it have such "saying definite goodbye to a character" vibes??? don't tell me she's leaving 💔😭😭

Hoover's with the lady from the beginning lmao it's perfect 😂😂

okay, what is it with Eddie wearing sunglasses that just gets me.... 🥵 oh my god he looks so good and so cool 😎🥵🔥 and like, it's not sunglasses, it's Eddie wearing sunglasses 😂😂 wtf is wrong with me 😂

OH SHIT that's how you end the episode??? istg nothing better happen to Karen 😩😢

okay, I loved this episode - every storyline was interesting, it was mostly funny with some good serious moments, I loved seeing Karen (I'm already anxious about the next episode tho) and I'm so happy for Hen's exam (pls tell me she's not leaving) and Hoover's story was just sooo funny lmao - and I loved seeing Madney together ❤️

I can't wait to continue Buck's storyline soon because I'm curious how that's gonna turn out, and can Eddie get an important plotline and more screen time please? 😂

anxiously waiting for the next one!

[yukipri]

Some Bad Batch Ep 3 thoughts (Spoilers)

thoughts under cut, but wow did this ep give me some real mixed feelings...

On one hand, cool diverse group of people in the "storm" troopers group given to Crosshair to command! The one white guy is an asshole. The one white guy is also the only one with a conscience, while the others commit a massacre. The one white guy also ends up having way more dialogue and personality than the others. I feel like they're trying for "diversity," but I'm having real questions about the execution...(haha, execution....)

(it's like they said hey, we know the Empire was super white bc OT, so we'll let POC participate in the atrocities of the Empire too! and like, it feels like an attempt at representation, in a really skewed, not-quite-right sorta way...)

Also, I know they haven't had time to make stormtrooper armor yet but...didn't really like seeing nat-borns wearing clone armor. It felt wrong :/

~~

Given how that mission went, kinda glad it wasn't Cody...

~~

But at the same time, "elite clone chosen to teach batches of nat-borns" is a scenario we often see Cody placed in in fic, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it being Crosshair, who isn't at all a good example of a standard (if elite) clone. Even if Crosshair does a good job, it's not at all indicative of the performance of the rest of the clones, and with the convo between Kaminoans, I'm a bit concerned that this show is going in a direction that makes regular clones completely irrelevant.

I know the show is centered around the Batch, so I'm expecting bias towards their perspective, but I'm still hoping that with growing understanding of how the chips work (and hopefully meeting up with Rex), their empathy towards regs will increase.

In the end, I'm personally much more invested in the fate of all the clones over just the Batch. I don't want them to be ignored or unimportant to the narrative.

~~

Yikes Wrecker's head...chip location....but you'd think hitting it would damage it and prevent it from working, not activate it, right...?

(and speaking of chips not working, I don't think they ever mentioned why Cut seemed fine? Rex told him about it, but there was no sign he'd undergone surgery. Or does the chip only activate in the presence of a Jedi?)

~~

I know I'm not the only one who had the thought that Omega might be Force-sensitive, but there were plenty of scenes this ep where she could have shown that, but didn't.

I'm beginning to wonder if her ability isn't anything related to the Force, but rather, maybe it's...imitation? Like I know it's super cute how she keeps copying Hunter, but maybe it's more than that? Like she inspects the dirt Hunter did, and we should assume she got nothing out of it because she doesn't have Hunter's skills but...maybe she did. The ability to copy and replicate an action after observing might be an ironically fitting ability for a clone...

~~

Admiral whatsisname has the most generic, forgettable white man look ever, and they're putting him in charge of the storm trooper initiative...?

~~

The Batch should really, really ask Omega some questions about what she knows about the chips and anything else really. It's clear she's got a lot of info and is willing to talk about it, but they just aren't asking her...?

...are some thoughts!

[7ella7]

Choosing submission.

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years.  We got together as teenagers and there’s a lot of love there, but it hasn’t been easy.  We semi-recently had a few fresh-start moments.  A cross-country move, some extremely beneficial marriage counseling, and a pandemic to bring us into the same space 24/7, and all three have been awesome. (I’m not saying the pandemic is awesome, just the extra time we get to spend together.)  

I recently got super vulnerable with him and shared that I want to submit to him.  I’ve always kind of known that I’ve been drawn to the idea of being subject to a man.  I like the idea of being told what to do, how he wants things done, when he wants things done, and being expected to meet his expectations or accept the consequences.  It would help me to know and understand what he wants/needs as well as give me some additional structure.  There are so many things I find appealing about this, but I don’t really understand why/where it comes from, but hopefully over time I’ll be able to understand it better myself.

I told him 2 weeks ago.  We’d been talking about our sex life and how to begin to really re-engage in that relationship aspect with one another after some challenges we’ve had.  I was reading some things online and eventually came across a podcast called Over The Knee and the tumblr pages of @amysubmits and @cynicaldom (Thank you both so much for writing).  It was like a lightbulb went off.  I’d read about domestic discipline before, years ago, and we had tried it for a couple months after we had gotten married, but the way I tried to live submission caused problems in our dynamic.  What I didn’t get from the DD sites back then was that it was okay (or necessary even) to still have my own thoughts/opinions/wants and to express them.  I think I was trying to focus only on what my husband needed/wanted, and push down I wanted/needed.  It seemed at the time like me sharing my wants/needs with him would somehow make my submission less real.  Then, when I listened to the OTK podcast and read their tumblr pages a couple weeks ago, I felt like I understood so much better how a real couple could actually do it successfully and showed me that a submissive partner is not the same a passive partner who lets the relationship and the Dominant partner’s wants and needs be the only thing that exists between them.  It’s a full relationship with active involvement and communication on both sides, but with a power exchange component.  They both make a point about how important it is for him to have that information from her.

It had been over 10 years since we had tried domestic discipline before.  The whole dynamic just kind of fizzled out pretty quickly due to the issues with how we tried to go about it.  We hadn’t talked about it since.  I was so nervous to talk about the idea of trying again that I started the convo through text message.  I sent the text, but we were both in the same room, so I went to clean something in the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye when he read it.  I built up my courage and went back in, but he was still watching TV.  He’d turned his phone on silent and didn’t get it for another hour and a half (it was low-key torture).  I would alternate between different tasks and watching TV with him, trying to relax about it, but feeling like that paragraph of a text message put so much of me out there that made it difficult to even breathe normally at certain points.  I was scared that he wouldn’t be interested at all and that it’d be shut down, but more than that, I was scared that he’d think I was weird and ultimately shut me down, not because he would be cruel about it, but because it had taken so much to be that vulnerable.  It could have been crushing.  I have a really hard time opening up about things like this, and I’m more than a little shy about things that tie into my sexuality.  Yes, even with my husband.  However, marriage counseling and a recent book I read have helped me to be able to make some important moves toward embracing vulnerability.

When he did get the message, he started by reading the tumblr pages, and we listened to an episode of their podcast.  When we talked about it later that afternoon, he actually said he liked a lot of the basic ideas, but he had a lot of questions for me about why, what motivations I had, what I ultimately wanted from the dynamic, etc.  It was a start.  We’ve had maybe 3-4 conversations about it in the last couple weeks, and yesterday we started discussing an initial agreement.  When I asked him what areas of our life he’d like to have authority in, he said he’d like to eventually have my submission in everything.  (It made my heart happy.)  The main things we discussed which areas of our life I’m ready to submit in fully (home life, sex life), and a couple that I am not ready to hand over yet (work life, food, clothes).  We’re trying to be intentional and start slow so we can kind of grow into this.  We also discussed a few rules and expectations that we’re interested in starting with.  We have plenty of ideas, but are starting slowly with 1-3 rules.  I haven’t seen the agreement yet, he’s in the process of writing it up (which also made me happy because he’s taking ownership of some of the process already).  So I wait.  I feel excited and happy and nervous and fluttery and tingly a lot lately.  We’re just at the beginning and we haven’t even officially entered an agreement, but I wanted to catch these events and feelings before we move further into the journey.

There’s like a million more things I could write, but here’s the bullet list for brevity’s sake- and maybe I’ll be able to revisit and expand on some of this later:

I am feeling nervous about diving in- I feel like I’ve wanted this for so long, but what happens if I’m a horrible submissive or really struggle with my stubbornness when it comes time to show my submission through my actions?

I have a markedly higher sex drive than I’ve had in years- I feel like I have the biggest crush on my husband.

Also, somehow while I’ve routinely hated doing things like dishes for the past... well forever I guess.  But when I think about doing them for him, it turns me on a little bit.  Idk if that’s a thing that lasts, but I would love it if that sticks around, haha.

I wonder about how he really feels about everything.  I know he LOVES the idea of traditional gender roles and he’s been clear about that for a long time, but I’m not sure where he falls on the idea of providing discipline.  Is that something he could end up eventually liking?  Maybe not the actual punishment itself, but the effects of it?  Idk.

I wonder how we’ll do- will we be able to avoid some of the problems we had in the beginning by being open communicators even when it’s hard?  Will he stay consistent with me?  Will we both feel the dynamic and value it enough to keep working on it over time?

I worry about being the spouse that brought it up.  I don’t want him to feel like he has to do this.  There are definitely things in his makeup that make me think he’ll be a natural.  I was drawn to him even in high school because he is a good and traditional man.  We share a lot of the same values.  I know a lot of his views align perfectly with this dynamic, but it’s asking a lot of someone to take on that Dominant role.  I just hope that he will find fulfillment there for himself, because I couldn’t continue to ask him to do it if it’s not something he decides on his own that he wants.

I am super happy that I found Tumblr and so many awesome blogs where people have shared so openly what their dynamic looks like.  It’s a great help to feel like there are others out there.

8 June 2020

[lala-pipo]

(1) WOW! 4 months has passed since you answered my last ask hahaha… so fast… I understand, sometimes when I spend too much time on something, be it working or studying or even recreational stuff I feel burnt out to :D Like I spent 5 straight days last week playing Stardew Valley, now I haven’t touched the Switch lol anyways, I am still enjoying the updates on Dorm Life! It’s slowly progressing but I think it’s good for both of them so far? Taking it one step at a time :3

(2) It’s like they are back at it again with their bantering and anime/fanfic conversations :’) the comfortableness is there but also at the same time it feels unsettling? maybe because we are seeing it from Taem’s POV and he is kinda fidgety (for a lack of better word) or tense about the situation? Hmmm but yeah the ending at the latest chapter though!! Whoooo could have been calling Jong at that time? And the off-character part where he turned off his phone, refusing to take the calls :O

(3) Obviously like Taem we would probably just wonder if it’s Key right, but idk why some instinct telling me it’s not Key like it’s a new part of the story? A new subplot? Lol or maybe it is Key and we are closing that chapter? Uhuhuh I’m just going to theorize in the corner here as I wait for the next update :3 Ah! Yeah, and you said there won’t be any crying moments anymore, so will there be more cheesy things like the end of the latest chapter? Cringe inducing lines and “aww” moments? ;)

(4) Yeah, ofc ofc since to Taem, Key is his “antagonist”, we were bound to kind of see it the same way… in the latest update too, there were a lot of thoughts inside Taem’s head regarding his observations on Key right… like I think there was a part where he thought that Key was looking down on him, or even he thought that Key and Jong should be having stricter? (Idk if that’s the right word) boundaries on things that they should and shouldn’t talk about lol

(5) To be honest, it’s kind of entertaining to see Taem’s train of thoughts on these things like, that almost instantaneous thought in someone’s head that they don’t really share to others. It can be a little bit biased, it can be overdramatic, but ofc I also I understand Taem’s hatred? Or more like insecurity maybe? When it comes to Key (and Jong). It’s the kind of things people think about but not really say out loud hahaha I love it, it makes the characters more whole?

(6) Oh yeahh? I shall be sneaking my way into AO3 to see your replies :3 For a while I kind of realized that you uploaded every 3 weeks? On my Sunday nights, so I timed it perfectly lol recently I’ve been busy too so this one took a while hehehe :D Since my last ask I think you updated twice with chapter 10 and 11! I think chapter 10 was more like “where is this going, what is happening” uncertain section with everyone just passing by time and going with the flow? Ft. mother and Kai hahah

(7) In chapter 11, I think the direction is clearer for them, thanks to the convo by the river!! It was a necessary conversation and I’m glad that they were able to talk about it, after great difficulty :’) Then the chapter was filled with fluff cheese fluff Taem’s thoughts on Key fluff :3 hahaha oh! Maybe I wasn’t paying attention as much but there weren’t many biblical allusions in the past 2 chapters? Maybe it was intentional or maybe not, either way I didn’t notice many of them I think? haha

(8) Maybe ‘cos Taem’s thoughts are filled with “where is this going”, Jong, Key, and then the upcoming exam lol so not so much bible references going on in his head haha… Also!! I saw new fanfics for Jong’s month and I did not read them yet!! So excited, probably will read them as I wait for the updates :D Also!! SHINee x AoT fanfic, yes please omg… I actually searched for one back in 2013-2014? When AoT Anime was just released… we have Pacific Rim AU, so I was rooting hard for AoT AU :’(

(9) Sooo yeah, I’ll look forward to any new fanfics by you in the future too! But please do take time away from it if it tires you out or if you are burned out! It should be an enjoyable thing to do for you :D Anyways! Thank you for the updates! I thoroughly enjoyed the fluff, oh! and thank you for accepting my tomo-choco lol, and I gratefully accept yours! <3 I hope you had and will have an amazing time for the upcoming months! Take care, and stay healthy! – cricket anon

____________________________________________________

Cricket nony!

Wow indeed! It certainly has been a while. How have you been? I have never heard of Stardew Valley before, but I’m glad you’ve enjoyed playing it. But I know that feeling, sometimes I play games for weeks and then I won’t touch them for a year. Humans are weird like that I guess. ^^

I’m glad you’re still enjoying my slow updates. I mean we are about to cross the finishing line. There are only two chapters left to complete the storyline + the epilogue. So yeah. Considering that I already wanted to be done with the story by March – and now we’re nearing July already. Haha – but at least I’m working on it to push this story over the finishing line.

It’s not really a subplot – more like the underlying theme of the story which has been there since chapter 1. If the story was written from Jonghyun POVs it would have been a main theme, but since we’re seeing everything from Taem’s perspective, we just know what Jonghyun shares with him – which is not a lot. :’)

Yes, there won’t be any more tears. There will be a few cheesy moments, but less so compared to chapter 11. :’D Chapter 12 is like the last peak before – hopefully – all ties come together in chapter 13 *knocks on wood*

Oh, Taemin will have a lot more thoughts on Kibum in chapter 12. Lmao The whole situation between Kibum and Taemin is loosely based on something from my own experiences. However, without going too much into detail – let’s keep it simple and say I was the Jonghyun in that scenario. Lmao

Yeah, I think there are plenty of moments in this story in which Taemin thinks a LOT of things but says something very different out loud. I think that’s only human. It’s just better to not share all thoughts one has. :’)

It’s certainly intentional that there are less biblical references after they’ve actually been to church. There are still some left to come, but far less than in previous chapters. It’s supposed to show that Taemin is slowly beginning to find his balance in a way, his way in life? I don’t know how to put it, but he slowly gets more rooted.

THANK YOU! Finally someone who understand my craving for SHINee x AoT fanfic. I really, really want to write one because for some reason I want to write something more action driven with blood, and gore and violence lmao and of course titans. I mean romance is cute – but romance is even cuter if you put it into a dystopian setting where people are fighting for the survival of human kind. A SHINee survey squad would be so cute T_T <3 I don’t really know why no one picked up on yet after all those years – we have so many crossovers in this fandom – and yet a crossover with one of the biggest fandoms out there is just nonexistent. It makes no sense to me. I also always wanted to write a Harry Potter crossover but there are so many out there already – so AoT really lets my weeb juices tingle. Lmao

I remember really liking bmot’s JongTae pacific rim AU…although I still have no idea about pacific rim to this day. :’D I always wanted to look it up because I like the description in their story – it seemed an interesting concept but somehow I’ve never went further than thinking about it.

Thanks for dropping by again, cricket nony! Talk to you in 4 months? Maybe…lmao Take good care of yourself. *waves* <3

[zathuraroy5]

Supernatural Rewatch : 2x3

(queued 2021/02/03)

I have to say the classic rock they're using in early seasons is good. "wheel in the sky"

Oh right at first we think the vampires are normal human victims. And turns out they are victims, just not human, lol

"back in black" like I said the music slaps in this one

"listen to her purr" "you two need a room?" "Aww don't listen to him baby"

He already calls her baby

God those awful suits (... not sure what I’m talking about here...)

Ok ok 5:05 minutes in, they walk into the hospital, find a nurse guy, Dean has a weird stop and gulp moment when he sees him. Just for the record

"so much effed up crap happens in Florida" say it Dean

Also for a show with so much gore still weird to me that they don't swear lol (comment from convo with @adhdeancas It is so weird, pulls me out every time)

Oh oh hey hey it's that Sam smiling at the bartender gif moment, 7:40 (is it actually Benny lolol)

Tumblr gifs have ruined me haha

Also idk how I feel about this hunter? Like obviously made the villain. Intense "black guy". Becomes a vampire himself.(later)  But I know this guy was seared into my brain, because when I watched Black Panther I was like "oh hey it's the vampire hunter guy from supernatural" lol. But I can't get over how they wrote him (also just watched the second episode with him in it. Still weirded out by how they wrote him)

Hehe the boys aren't dumb, catching him in an alley. 

God this guy, "Met your dad once. Great hunter. Heard he passed. I'm sorry. Big shoes to fill. But I heard you fill them alright. Good trackers, good in a tight spot" like way to put the burden there buddy. (Also he really talks like that. All staccato like)

Also where's this Hunter grapevine/network that the boys don't seem to be a part of???

(works into my crazy idea)(don’t ask)

"guess there's a lot your dad never told you uh" FUCK. Like a whole NETWORK of help they don't know about??? God fuck, the more I learn about John through my new goggles.

(in my teen goggles when I watched the first time, it was just a story right, so I couldn't observe the abuse for what it was)(also shit, now I'm like fuck... Getting into personal stuff that my sister noticed about our parents, shit I just unlock a part of my backstory, sorry lolol it just hit me I'll shut up) (You know when we talk about Dean coded girl. Fml)

Why are hunters so dead set on being alone

Fucckkk that big ass chainsaw thing is seared in my mind. (Seriously I still remember it so vividly. Probably because they put it in the recaps) I remembered it as a woodchipper though.

Disclaimer, I have some wine tonight

Reinforcement of violence. "not human"

Oh shit. Sam not celebrating, goes back to the hotel. Before he leaves Dean says "remind me to beat that buzz kill out of you later, alright" and I'm just O.O crying. Fuck John

FUCKKK Dean telling of one of his hunts at 16 with his dad. About embracing the life

This is killing me. The other guy's all happy, Dean is being introspective. Gah

Ok ok wait. You're telling me. This guy specialized in killing vampires. And John met him before. But John thought vampires were extinct.... Continuity man (seriously though what even)(or like John thought this guy and other hunters had actually exterminated them? Feels really sloppy to me. Like John is supposed to be the amazing hunter. Way to go big guy)

Talking about his Dad, and actual feelings. "Can't talk about this with Sammy" nervous laugh " gotta keep my game face on" oh Dean "truth is I'm not handling it very well" JENSEN

God this guy is such a bad influence though "like a dark hole inside of you? That keeps getting bigger and bigger? Good. You can use it. There's plenty of things that need killing. Keeps you hungry. It's not a crime to need your job" GOD. Like how much has this one convo affected him

Wow, and Ellen goes ham on the guy, bad rep

He says "it's all black and white. There's no maybe. You see a bad thing, you kill it" fuck (also the fact that they make a Black man say that? I know this is 2006 but come on)

And I know this is the episode with the "vegetarian" vampires

Wtf who are those guys (no context)

Wait... Is that benny… Omfg

But she called him Ely... (seriously someone please explain)( @adhdeancas I’m begging you)

Fuck like if he hadn't talked to Gordon would Dean have been ready to listen to Sam?

Fucckkk. Big big big “humanity in monsters question” vibe

Wow. He actually punched him. (Dean punched Sam?) (Just... the use of violence in this episode is very pointed...)

Fucckkk Dean taking the side of the monsters wow

God that guy is psychotic (Gordon)

"what if we killed things that didn't deserve killing" oh DEAN

@adhdeancas I knoww

God that whole conversation at the end is everything

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 2: SOdden (or Sod ‘Em depending on your persuasion)

(Dont know how long I’ll be able to keep these puns up)

Catherine, like this woman, does not really fit into this era. But while this woman seems dropdead cool and at least looks the part, Catherine just...

To all those of you keen enough to have come back for another segment of ‘what hasn’t already been said: TSP’, as opposed to have just been scrolling when you see this - welcome back! (Scrollers you too <3)

To anyone who’s seeing this for the first time: what this is a list of observations, jokes, reactions and criticism which occur to me upon a rewatch. I wait every week until Saturday to do this so that I have had my fill of scrolling through the tag and aggregating what has already been said. I tried doing a whole spoof (here where I gave up 10% in) but tbh a) I don’t know the history well enough b) it’s more time consuming than I thought and c) this series is just not as funny or as crazy as TWQ, so it’s untenable. Having said that: This is not a hatepost. I’m not hatewatching this series and nitpicking on purpose but expressing my honest views and trying to find the good in it as well as the bad.

Without further ado...

First Scenes:

The baby cloth lifting into the ceiling of the chapel had nice ‘myth of the demon countess of Anjou (ancestress of the Plantagenets)’ vibes. I am 100% that was unintentional. I get this impression by the cringiness of the baby’s screams (what’s up with those sound effects? It sounded like a zipper).

Henry gives me such softboi vibes? It’s pleasing to me because it’s making me attracted to him as a viewer, but no good in convincing me this is Henry VIII.

I think Catherine’s exposition about how she feels is pretty ok actually, it’s fitting that she would feel anger.

CHARLES’ FATHER IS NOT MAXIMILIAN, IT’S PHILIP (or rather it was). ~~ A quick wiki search guyz, a quick wiki search. Ughh

Again with the whole everyone acting like Catherine is Queen. Can they cut it out? Also while we’re at it, what was Catherine’s attendance in councils even like?

The music was nice

Post Child announcement phase:

Oof I hate to say it but I lowkey wanted de la Pole back in this mother. Mainly because it would mean more Margaret Pole and by this point I am scared her storyline will fade in prominence now that there’s no longer a Yorkist subplot (showhorned as it was, it was the crowning glory of last season tied with Arthur x Catherine).

More x Maggie Pole and all of it over Seneca and learning :’). I already know this will be the best part of the episode.

‘We certainly know stoicism in our family’ ~ I guess she’s referring to Reggie? Because our boi Clarence was no poster boy for stoicism. Though could she be making an ironic reference to her father~?

Edmund de la Pole Debacle:

Well this convo at least passed the bechdel test.

Maggie and Edmund’s interactions here are touching. I know this plotline was rushed but I think it was just right to bring us back here for 5 min as a mournful throwback to the bygone era to which Maggie Pope belongs to and now continues to do so alone. It is emotionless and you can just feel how the York cause was hanging on by a tired old threat by that point.

Maggie Pole is becoming matronly now and I like this transition.

What bothers me about a lot of fans of Margaret Pole is that what they don’t realise is that she wasn’t all like ‘I want nothing to do with my family I’ll stay low and obscure’. While far more cautious than the likes of her ancestors, she did engage in land disputes with Henry VIII and was an outspoken supporter of Catherine and Catholic. Having her be a woman woth dubious loyalties towards the Tudors is accurate.

Scotland with Meg and Jammes:

LMFAO it’s like they read my mind when I spoke of how much I laughed when Meg was like ‘Alexander Steward you pig!1!!’ last episode.

Nice reference to Aulde Alliance

I like James.

Henry and Catherine on the balcony:

Was she commander of the forces? Was Howard appointed that? Regent she was, ok.

Charlotte Hope’s new hairstyles really suit her!

‘Will you please stop cursing’ agahsjdk ahah

No offence to women (of which I am one) but this comparison between childbirth and war is just... wrong. I know Starz think they are being smart but childbirth is far less impressive than winning or surviving a battle - comparing the two diminishes the bravery of soldiers. YET ,having said that, childbirth is necessary for our society whereas war is almost always futile and by comparing them, it wrongly represents violence as something inherently as natural to us as birth and continuing of civilisation. overall not a smart, respectful or accurate parrallel to make.

Meg and prep for invasion + Catherine in her weird armour:

So Margaret dreams that her husband is dead and bloody in her bed. Ughh show you neeed to get more creative. But I did like the whole ‘dreams are how our ancestors talk to us’ line from Angus Douglas.

Re: Meg in her beret... Why is Meg dressed like me going to the London shops in October? Digging the aesthetic but not sure about the accuracy.

Rich of Catherine to bring up Edmund.

Why is Ursula Pole crying??? What is all this to her really?

Did Howard just call the guard... sonny?? Is this some WW2 crossover?

Catherine - James and the tent parlay:

Did Catherine just insult Meg’s intelligence??

Also lmao I’m going to miss James.

Re: Howard saying ‘I’m not going to get insulted by a man wearing a dress’ .. UMMM Starz, you do know that just thirty years ago men were prancing about in dresses and leggings (essentially). From around the middle of the 14th century to the beggining of 16th century (if not earlier), Englishmen were also essentially prancing about in ‘skirts’.

Am I getting a weird cooperation-partnership vibe between Meg and James?

The Battle:

Charlotte Hope looks so good with the helmet, she’d really suit an english hood! Such a shame they won’t give her one!

Ewwww he’s eating mud, why?

Just standard battle scene. They are all the same to me no matter which movie.

Aftermath:

Jesus, I find the whole Meg crying over James IV so heartfelt ‘you arrogant bastard’ for some reason just came out so full of emotion. Can someone please explain why the hell I ship them more than Henry x Catherine?? Like how ??

Awwww Linna is sooooo adorable ughhh. Also this whole Catherine going into armour among all the women crooning over the children gives this adorable sense of Catherine boyish and bloodying herself out to protect their peace, idk. All I have to say is that these series is less eager to pitt women against each other than the previous. I think that’s a step forwards.

Also, good to see Catherine being modest about her victory so Henry can save face. Finally starting to seem like the real Catherine.

‘Go on you dog’ arghh ahah he sounds like some public school rugby lad egging his mate on.

Re: Wolsey cock-blocker; the real Catherine would know it was uncatholic to have sex when you were pregnant. Also Catherine is not technically speaking in confinement if she’s wandering about.

It’s nice to see Catherine sticking up for Howard, she at least learned to respect him during the battle.

I foresee Oviedo having enough of this Christian stuff and wanting to return to the berber domains (I suppose Spain is out of the question)

Knighting Ceremony:

Apparently Margaret Pole herself was made Countess of Salisbury during this same ceremony... right? @houseofclarence

Also Maggie Pole being like: “being a rebel is in my blood, or so they tell me”... gahhh what’s with these shows and the Clarence erasure? Can’t they make one bloody reference to her dad or grandad Warwick? Ugh. Especially with lines like this. Actually? You know what? Ignore my previous comment about the stoic remark and it being an ironic reference to Clarence. I put such subtlety above this show’s writers.

Catherine has a habit of going to the coldest places possible to lose her children...

Haha @ Henry asking Bessie Blount (of all people) where Catherine is.

Conclusion:

6/10

What I’m happiest about is that Flodden got dealt with in one episode because warrior xena Catherine is not what interests me most about this show. Having said that, it was a true shame that James IV died because his were some of the best scenes. This whole show is starting to feel so historical fantasy-ish because the aesthetics are so confused. Granted it’s still pretty (not eyesore like Reign) but it doesn’t penetrate.

I am as always invested in the Poles (and More) but am also starting to get attached to Princess Mary whose actress exudes plenty of charm. This show remains confused with its feminist message because while it shows women being proactive there is so much emphasis on babies that what remains with the mind after watching is this womanish birthdrama, as opposed to a show about struggles which affect both genders.

You might tut at me and say I’m being ridiculous and that it is historically accurate to put so much emphasis on women’s babies and I say that’s swell. I would happily watch a show where that element is strong (most pre 1995 historical dramas are like that with traditionally feminine characters and I gulp them up like sustenance), but if a show promises feminism and women-men being partners I want it to deliver that properly. As I said in my previous post, why do we keep trying to make women engage in acts like war as if such an abhorrent act is the only way to take them seriously? I await the day where cunning, rationality and cool-headedness will be the traits portrayed as feminist ones.

There is nothing else to really comment on... the only potentially deeper message in this is the gender discourse. I am unsure about the accuracy so I can’t speak of the historical value of the interpretation. But what I will say is that though I remain excited for each new episode... I’m just not as invested as I was in TWQ (rewatch every year dont @ me) or TWP despite their many flaws. Some characters pull me in eg Maggie Pole (Carmichael is a bae), Thomas More etc but not the whole cast like TWQ. Anyway... would be interesting to see if anything happens with Lina and Oviedo tommorow as their storyline is conspicuously slow.

[arcanefaye]

i didn’t blog yesterday !!!!

sorry :((

i’m at school currently but on break, Colton is trying to fit, as many as he can, cherry tamatoes in his mouth. currently on tomatoe 23, he’s violently coughing so I don’t think he’ll be able to fit any more haha

i was TIREDDDD so i couldn’t blog yesterday cause i went to sleep immediately!! but...something crazy happened yesterday. which is why Amanda isn’t at school today ;

screenshots are on my second blog ; @fayesmessages (they’re going to have all of my convos over imessage)

so here’s the story,, Amanda was going to give me a hoodie because of the snow the heater wasn’t working properly. so the school was COLDDD !!!! and she offered to give me her extra hoodie... well all of a sudden she passed out on the floor. it was so sudden i didn’t know what to do, but there was already groups of people in that specific area so they started to crowd around her. I was propping her head up cause she must have a concussion because of falling on the hard floor. A teacher saw the group and took Amanda to the nurse. She hasn’t responded to any of our messages, but it was out of nowhere :( i really hope she’s okay, i still have her hoodie,, i should’ve given it back but-

AHHHHHH OKAY! SO THE NEW GIRL HAS ARRIVED !!-/)/:829;9394&

SHES HERE

omg

OMG

She’s so pretty what.

Wow, definitely going to have all the guys over her.

AHSHAHAG^^

well, i’ll get back to you in a bit we have to get her used to the school. Margaret is shocked rn though, it’s so funny !!

——

O M G

(i say that too much haha)

the new girl is so sweet; i’m home now but WOWWWWWW

Her name is Garam, she’s from Seoul, South Korea, and she’s a Straight A student!! she wants to join our group which we’ll have to see with Miss Lindsey but AGAHAHDJWIDS

she’s so sweet, i have her number and everything.

i was thinking abt adding her to the gc but i don’t know her that well yet and i dont want to scare her off. i’ll show my recent text with her though!

she’s so funny, she honestly was fun to hang around with. she got comfortable with me immediately which was great, she’s in three classes with me so we can hang out for a majority of the day.

Mr. Grindstones class is always super fun, and we get 20 minute breaks (he’s such a cool teacher) so we can definitely get to know eahcother more then!

——

Update;

im actually getting excited for school tomorro, Garam seemed cool :))

Im really hoping Amanda’s okay... she hasn’t messaged us in a bit. She was excited about the foreign exchange student as much as i was, and i was sad she wasn’t at school to see her. idk how long she’ll be out... hopefully not too long.

other than that, tonight i had a beautiful roast with some green tea to wash it down. tasted *chefs kiss* !

Ian hasn’t been home for a bit, my grandparents were getting angry about it.. was kind of funny ’cause they called my mom and everything and she was just like, “why are you now calling me about this, he’s done this plenty of times just track his phone.”

my poor grandparents don’t know how technology works mom. :(((

——

im staying up, i normally don’t but i can’t seem to fall asleep tonight :// it’s 3:47am, Ian came home two hours ago. he‘s definitely going to be in trouble tomorrow:(( hopefully it’s not too bad, he stays out till 10 pm, but my grandparents were getting worried when he wasnt home, idk where he was but glad to see he isn’t dead in a ditch.

i was also thinking about if Garam has a Tumblr? or atleast is up for one...? idk maybe...

i want to atleast have a mutual or a following on here of someone i know. As of right now... it’s not that much. only, 2 followers.

no big deal though, i don’t need a following this is like a diary to me anyways haha

im getting tired typing this,, i have school in 4 hours so i might as well sleep... goodnight!

see ya :)

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog - 2012 annual

iirc the annual takes place between 7 and 8, or something. whatever, im gonna go for it

shifts in art style always throw me off phewwww

i cant remember what theyre doing but i find it really funny that first aid is there squaring the fuck up to punch shit

ah yes of course how could i forget the time they shrunk down to fight tiny robots in ultra magnus’s head. a comic classic 

poor magnus lmao

HBJSDKFBSHJFDHJSD HIS TERRIFYING SMILE HAUNTS MY NIGHTMARES. LOVE IT

love the continuation of magnus’s law-vision

the fact that everyone is dunking on magnus for smiling ONCE hvbhjdksbfjks

rewind and chromedome ough

i feel like cyclonus spends 90% of his early mtmte screentime staring broodingly out of windows lmao 

tg so precious

lmaooo i love the flashes of rodimus saying ‘til all are one’ All The Time

rodimus just wants to be like his dad ok

rodimus telling drift to go meditate or something vbhjfdbhdsjkf

i love rodimus calling magnus out on referring to himself in the third person lmaoooo but also I'm like Oh I See That [eyes emoji]

wish i had emojis on the computer sigh

lmao so the circle of light is a bunch of pacifists With Big Ass Swords

them betting on how long it'll take rodimus to say ‘til all are one’ vbkjsdhbfjhkhsdf

damn so ambulon rlly did switch sides late in the game 

cyclonus is here!! being an emotionally closed-off fool as usual 

nooo rodimus let tailgate speak

cant believe rodimus graffiti’d tailgate

drift, immediately: rodimus is FUCKING POSSSESSED 

ratchet: ok, no, 

godddd everything abt the galactic counsel here is so funny. ‘its big - its grey - its taxpayer funded’ hvbkjshdbfjkdf and the fact that their ship is called ‘the benign intervention’ lmaooo

also DAMN that is a BIG ASS SHIP 

‘a fleshling in a stupid hat’ i love rodimus and his irrational hatred of hats

magnus comin in CLUTCH with the dry-ass clauses shit 

rewind vhjbdskfbaksdfn ‘the sub-section 7 defense - sneaky’ ily

tailgate hvbhjadkfbjskdf its ok that you don't know what's going on

also tailgate serves a vital role in the story as the audience insert character (or w/e its called), bc he’s often confused which allows for handy exposition that we the audience also need lmao 

i find it so interesting to see how the cybertronians are viewed by the rest of the galaxy - we don't see a lot of aliens but its always fascinating when we do, because of COURSE they’re mostly gonna think of the cybertronians as destructive and war-like when that’s what they’ve been up to for 4 million years 

ooof swerve :( swerve is one of those characters who you’re like ‘haha he’s funny’ most of the time but pretty often he’ll have startling moments of like, deep pain about life or w/e, and you’re like Oh Shit and then you kinda move on, until finally the swearth arc hits and it all comes together. what I'm saying is that this is some nice building towards that 

HGDSBJFKJSJBDF THERE IT IS THERE IT ISSSSSSSSSS

THE PANEL WHERE REWIND IN ALT MODE CAN FLY FOR SOME REASONNNNNN

i fucking love that shot so much. does everyone see this. rewind is a GIANT FUCKIN FLASHDRIVE and he’s hovering ominously thru the air. like, what happened to all the biz from issue 1 or w/e where his husband was roasting him for having a non-mobile altmode? if he can fucking HOVER than Actually rewind is the fucking coolest, no contest 

or like, is the implication that they all teleported there (having switched to alt mode along the way i guess?) and rewind is just like, suspended in midair? bc that's what the speed bubble text implies, but it also totally looks like they're just travelling across the area and rewind can levitate

anyways. that panel has always cracked me up lmaoooo

rodimus calling the council ‘fascists’ hvbhduifbjsdjfajskf sir i love you 

GODDD and there's the joke payoff from a few issues ago - rewind, facing front, hearing drift transform behind him and not only being able to tell its drift without looking, but also being able to tell that drift is upset, JUST like chromedome said he could....fucking PEAK i love that type of payoff humor

ooof and more swerve introspection. i mentioned earlier but i fucking LOVE how this series showcases the extremely wide range of reactions/coping mechanisms that everyone has towards the endless war finally being over - and swerve really nails it here: confusing peace with happiness, and assuming that everything would automatically be better after the war is over, when in reality you still have to work just as hard to build shit rather than break it

also i adore the horror of a guy who is half-embedded in the wall, his face stuck in a rictus of terror & death, waxing philosophical about how peace is about the freedom of choice, and how they should all just feel lucky to have survived...oof, that's very specifically ironic coming from you, dude 

but i do love the little characterization we get here for ore, a character who is literally already dead and has so far been used as a plot device pretty exclusively, but we still get to know little things about him here, and how HE feels about the war and the current peace, etcetc. it really makes the story and characters seem believable, like every character has a story even if we don't take the time to see it 

love cyclonus posing coolly 

kinda love how clear it is that drifts whole hippy schtick is just a front to cover his anger, and a tool to make him seem like an approachable, upstanding autobot

drift dramatically monologuing while pointing his sword at the sky is extra funny with everyone else just staring at him doing this

cyclonus why are you grabbing at the edge of the hole you're falling into, you can LITERALLY FLY, 

magnus finally getting some appreciation for being The most law abiding guy like, ever 

genuinely forgot abt the whole metrotitan plot that happens here 

GOD when rodimus is like BRAIN QUEST TIME and then we smash cut to them at the brain ‘six minutes later’ vhbhkudfjbjksf i live for that shit 

also that would be even funnier animated which further proves that we need an mtmte/ll animated series, please, somebody, 

HBDSJKFSHDJF REWIND IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY you cant even tell if he GENUINELY didn't think cyclonus could talk or if hes just being a dick but either way? comedy gold 

oh i adore the flashbacks being in a different artstyle, especially one that's so retro 

i love rewind being a history geek, and cyclonus passionately explaining cybertronian creation theory

HHHH i fucking LOVE the myth/lore stuff like....a lot of franchises tend not to dwell in this type of mythology, you tend to get The True Version Of Events, but this kind of explanation rocks bc it totally sounds like the kind of religious mythology that naturally develops based on a species’ progression

and drift and ratchet’s very opposing and polarizing views certainty do make for interesting perspectives, tho i feel like the story sometimes leans too much towards ratchet being ‘more correct’ bc, logic! or something idk i feel like i used to have a couple mild opinions on this but i don't remember

and its funny bc i am, irl, an atheistic medical professional who believes in science above all else - essentially just like ratchet. but i feel like the narrative portrayal skews a little more in his favor than i’d like, despite that 

skids just out here being a bummer, completely unprompted. cant even blame you tho dude 

hhhhhh chromedome talking abt rewind ;_; 

and when he says ‘maybe there’s someone out there who can save your life, too’ and cyclonus is there....hhhh

god i fucking LOVE drift and rodimus’s entire relationship. the layers...the LAYERS!!!

OH HEY ITS THOSE ROBOTS SKIDS FOUGHT 

ah, inconvenient laser time!

ok i fuckgin love how cybertronian’s brains look just like the planet cybertron. that's so fucking great 

of COURSE brainstorm brought his shrink ray 

truly i love the convo between ore and swerve, especially overlaid onto everyone fighting 

oof, the themes and plot threads of this annual are all so nicely tied up (which is something i love abt mtmte, especially early on when the story is smaller), with swerve now choosing to disobey an order from rodimus

oh yeah, the circle of light! that's who you've been looking for this whole time basically! 

and then the ending, hearing that magnus smiled (willingly!) :) i love it

rodimus’s profile says ‘finds it difficult to sit still’ bc rodimus is an adhd icon

lmao i feel like over half of my sentences in this recap - and in most of my recaps - contain ‘i love it’ or ‘i love how-’ or some variation upon that theme. I'm predictable 

anyways - the annual! i love this issue. its really long which is cool and i feel like it does a lot to flesh out the setting and lore, and even the characters as well. also, as i said above, it does an excellent job telling an exciting and well-contained story, with solid story beats throughout and plot threads that emerge and get resolved all within this issue, even while leaving plenty of stuff up for future resolution. that's the Early MTMTE Special, and i adore it. tho i will say I'm glad we’ll be getting back to the regularly scheduled art style, bc this one didn't really do it for me 

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

Taking risks in 2021

Taking risks in 2021, or at least I feel that's what's been happening these past couple days. Despite saying that I'd stop shooting shots and trying to ask him out or flirting. Despite that I wasn't thinking of going back to bumble or else I'd be confused. I guess this was a little cos of my counsellor's advice too. Maybe it was helpful to some extent.

So while I’ve been considering on telling him (multiple times - which includes that one time I asked if he was free to chat and he just left me on read)... During those moments, surprisingly, I didn’t feel too much fear. Just amazed that I’m finally going to make this move, that I might get some kinda closure. A little anxiety and excitement too, I guess. Like damn, I can’t believe you did that. But I guess, with him, I’ve had plenty of such moments. Right from the moment we exchanged numbers haha. Good times.

But anyhoo.. 2nd try, so I guess I kinda expressed what I felt. I'm still not sure where this is going honestly. Kinda funny yet strange that till now, since forever, we've still been going around in circles. Maybe I just gotta be completely straightforward and direct and just say it. Aloud. But I mean I also don't wanna put too much pressure on him, I already feel I'm doing so by asking him out. He says I wouldn't scare him off, but well... I mean. Besides, some of us are just not great at saying no. Admittedly, I am one of those too. 

Maybe he's just the friendly flirty type. I just hope telling him wouldn't cause the whole friendship and all to fall apart, because I really enjoy his company and I've been really grateful that we've been talking all this time.

But anyway, 3rd attempt, I did it. Like 2 days ago. Kinda. I didn’t get the closure that I had thought I would get. There’s never planning when it comes to him, really. Execute the plan, expect it to fall off the rails, throw away the fucking plan. Anyhoo... surprisingly, I also did it via audio messages. Crazy, I know. And funny thing was that he listened to 3 out of 4 when he first opened it, and then continued with the last the next day, which I’m honestly thankful for cos at least he still wanted to listen what was said. 

So time went by... I was honestly preparing myself for the worst already. Kept telling myself that at least our last exchanged words irl was literally “bye”, and that our last text convo was.. well, it was him being sweet and me expressing my feelings. Anyhoo.. emotional day, of course. The anxiety, the fear, wondering if this would just be our last convo ever and I’d never hear or see from him again. 

And then, his text came in. Completely unrelated too, btw. Ugh, but you can’t imagine the happiness and excitement flooding through when I saw it. Sure, it wasn’t a closure. But I think I did get the non-answer answer that I wanted. And at least we could still be friends. 

Or so it seemed... 

I’m not really sure if yesterday might have just been an impulse to reply and now he realised that he shouldn’t have and shouldn’t be talking to me anymore. He’s kinda gone MIA again. And I know that I probably shouldn’t be texting him first again and trying to chase him back or whatnot, but also I really wanna still be his friend. But I know, he has to want me as a friend too, and he probably needs some space after everything. So... well. 

Meanwhile I guess the tables have kinda turned for the situation with bumble guy. Sigh. I’ve been feeling bad about it since he has been initiating and all that, but obviously I wasn’t 100% into it since I was am hung up on the other guy. But, well, that night I guess I was being honest with everyone about feelings so I did tell him too, that I was still speaking to other people. It’s nice to finally get it out there at least. 

And gah, sometimes I wish I had listened more to my gut back then and been honest with the work guy too about more stuff. So many things I had wanted to say during so many moments, but I held back because I was afraid. It’s also funny considering if I’d wanted him to be the guy in my life, I should have been honest, right? But well, lessons learnt. Also maybe I shouldn’t have been so impulsive to tell him this right now, especially when we were kinda leading up to actually meeting again finally. 

Ugh, but now, I don’t even know if I should be continuing with dating at all. Everything would bound to feel like a rebound. 

So, yep, there goes my love life. I really need to figure out what exactly is my gut instincts more. But all these gut instincts, head vs heart, anxiety. Oof. But well, hopefully things will work out, because I’m not sure how much I can really take... 

I’ve been telling myself that I’m strong and that I got this, whatever the outcome, I would have expected since overthinker. But, welp, I guess this hurts more than I had expected. I think it’s more of wondering that maybe if delaying it would have been better, especially since I’d just gotten him back, but I guess, some things are inevitable. 

And I suppose what would be worse is regretting the moves we never made, than the moves we actually made. I mean, I’m proud I actually got to this. It wasn’t really what I had expected. And honestly, the amount of moves made and shots shot for him, I’m just... wow. It really sucked that it didn’t work out like I had hoped, but still.. keeping those fingers crossed that we’d still be friends, cos I believe he still made me a better person overall. But that’s for another post. 

X