#we know next to nothing about her in the show but she’s the golden ticket. she’s what it all comes down to for hannibal

[ghostdrinkssoup]

thinking about how abigail only has one real double in the show. sure she has the other dead girls, but they’re just copies of her. fakes. they weren’t real in the eyes of her father. they’re so hollow we don’t know anything about them other than their likeness to abigail, and abigail foils no one else. except one other girl: mischa. hannibal’s golden ticket. the only girl that really matters. the girl will has to chase the ghost of because he desperately wants to understand hannibal, and he knows this is the only way he can, so he visits his ancestral home and finds chiyoh. because ultimately abigail wasn’t the girl all the other girls were mirroring, at least not from a narrative point of view. to hannibal, her new father, she was just another copy of a girl who died a long time ago and could never really replace

[misguidedasgardian]

I need to...

Enjoy my Summer I.

MASTERLIST

Summary: You start off your summer in Dorne, with your girl best friend and your godmother 

Pairings: Cregan Stark x Fem!Reader, Jacaerys Velaryon x Sara Snow

Warnings: cursing, horny people, PDA, teasing, fears of cheating, discussion about cheating, all in good fun, might miss some warnings, you know what this is about jeje

Wordcount: 4,4 k

Notes:I can't apologise enough for the delay to this! I had most of the next chapter and nothing on this one! jeje I had a HUGE block... and eventually, I managed... but I feel like there is nothing intense on this chapter, but still... I hope you all liked this!

“Cregan! Jace! Look who we run into!”, you said excitedly into the back camera of your phone. Jace and Cregan’s mouth opened widely when they saw who you were with

“Hello, I’m Oberyn Martell and this is for these lovely ladies’ boyfriends, Jace and Cregan!”, the charismatic man said, waving at the camera

Then you and Sara show up in screen, Oberyn grabbed you both under each arm and kissed your cheeks

“You are lucky men!”, he teased. You show up giddy and giggly, hugging onto Oberyn martell

The boys’ smile wiped out immediately, sharing concerned looks

“Is Oberyn going to… fuck our girlfriends?”, asked Jace, with a traumatised look on his face

“No! No”, muttered Cregan looking at the road ahead, “I don’t think….”, they both looked ahead wide-eyed and mouth agape…“Well…”

“He is going to fuck our girlfriends isn’t he?”, asked Jace

“Alright search where is the nearest airport and how much is going to cost us the next plane ticket to the fucking watergardens…”

“We can’t leave the car in here dude!”, muttered Jace, typing on his phone, “besides is going to cost us like a thousand golden dragons and 12 hours with three different connections, by the time we get there…”

“You are right, is crazy….”, they spend the next minutes in silence, just looking at the road, “Look…”, started Cregan grabbing onto the wheel, “...he is Oberyn Martell alright? I don’t know if the girls choose to… do… him… but… if they did… I mean…”, Jace nodded nervously

“Yes we couldn’t blame them, I mean, if I encountered him, and he invited me to his hotel room, I’d go too”, Cregan nodded enthusiastically

“Yeah, right? Mee too, and I wouldn’t like my beautiful girlfriend to be mad, because… he is Oberyn Martell, right? everyone’s favourite actor/philanthropist/playboy/martial arts specialist/tv personality”

“Yeah so if they decided to… go back to his room with him…”

“We shouldn’t be mad”, said Cregan

“Right, right, if anything… we are jealous”

“Right!”, said Cregan, and they both went back to stare at the road ahead 

Cregan wished he had gone with you instead of having all those boring family reunions, specially with Robb being so mean, he was forced to hang out in the kid’s table, it was a bit embarrassing, considering he was twenty

But that was done, and now, Jace and him where on his car, on their way down the routes of the North, their plan was to explore some cities as they made their way towards Harrenhal, give the girls time to join them when they finish in the Watergardens 

But Cregan was so happy to receive all those exciting texts from Sara, she was having the time of her life thanks to you, and those texts from you to… made him blush as he was looking straight ahead

He wasn’t worried about you and Oberyn, not at all, but he did wish he was with you right now, having met him and together in the sun… summer… made him so horny, he didn’t even know why.

“We should be arriving in Castle Cerwin in a couple of hours”, offered Jace with a smile 

Castle Cerwin was a cool town but not where the boys would like to be 

But this is the decision they had made so it's the one they were sticking to, besides they were meeting some of Cregan’s friends so it was going to be a fun night in the town with all boys

Then…. Like five other towns in their way to The God’s Eye

But meanwhile

“Should I feel bad that you didn’t bring your boyfriend for me to meet?”, asked Your Godmother over her Chanel sunglasses

As Sara enjoyed the pool over an inflatable flamingo, your godmother started the third degree on you.

“No”, you said shakily, “It’s nothing like that, it's just, he had things to do with his family”

“How serious is this?”, she asked, not convinced 

“I think pretty serious”, you whispered as you sunbathed by her side

“It’s a bit soon, don’t you think?”, she asked, concerned

“We thought things through”, you reassured her, “we are taking things slow”

“Are you?”, she asked, well, not really

“My therapist says he is been good for me”, you said, that seemed to content her

“And when can I meet him?”, she asked

“After this, we are all going to the God’s Eye”, you offered with an apologetic smile

“Alright, maybe next season”, she muttered, you only laughed

“It would mean a lot to me if you met him”, you said with a soft smile

“I can’t wait, my love”, she answered, “from what you have told me, he seems like a great guy, and if he is half as nice as his sister… I’m sure he is the right one for you”

“Well, is too soon to speak about forever, but that is how it feels like right now”, you whispered with a silly smile, and you found your Godmother smiling back at you

“I’m so glad you finally found someone who can… well… a decent man”, she finished, you giggled

“After this we are going to Daemon’s house, in the Island of faces”

“I’ve heard”, she teased, “without any adult supervision?”, you giggled

“No… I don’t think so…”

“Take care, alright?”, she asked, “please?”

“Of course”, you whispered 

“And tell that little Cregan that if he doesn’t take care of you… I can pay someone to take care of him…”

“Godmother!”, you chided playfully

“I’m just teasing…”, she said sipping her cocktail

You spend the rest of the day in the pool, and by the end, you had an early dinner, and started sipping cocktails with Sara. Your godmother left you, and you both were alone to go to the club that was inside the resort.

You didn’t felt particularly in a party mode, and even though you were with Sara and you were having the best of times, you missed Cregan and Jace, there is some things that you’d rather do with them, like going out to a club, but you were determined to have a great time only with Sara.

The boys haden’t answered much, and you understood, they were driving, you really wished they would let you know when they arrived at their destination, but you didn't want to be pushy… or even come out as controlling

Maybe they were at a spot where they didn’t have a signal… those thick woods around the roads in the North were tricky, you really didn’t want to be concerned… it was a bit frustrating… not knowing what to say or do in this situations

You cared for Cregan and you wanted to talk to him, make sure he is good and having a good time

They barely answered to your video of Obryn Martell when you encountered him

IT WAS OBERYN MARTELL! He was everyone’s favourite actor/philanthropist/playboy/martial arts specialist/tv personality, and they barely answered!

You had to take a long breath

They were driving, haven’t even made it to Castle Cerwyn yet, probably

Your phone “dinged”, it was a text from Cregan

Just arrived at castle Cerwin to Ben’s house, everything is fine, ttyl

“That’s it?”, you asked Sara, as she was applying her lipstick, she read the text and raised an eyebrow

“Well, at least they are fine”, she said dismissively

“Nothing from Jace?”, you asked her

“I’m sure they are fine! Just tired! They had been driving all day”, she said mindlessly, and you wanted to be alright with them… lack of communication

You weren’t stuck to your phone all day either, right?

I’d love to “see” you later, videochat?

You typed, but you erased it before you hit send, you didn’t really want to be clingy.

You look at the mirror for the last time, you were looking fine, so was Sara, with simply dresses, hair loose, simple makeup, comfortable shoes

You had no expectation of the night whatsoever, only to have some Dornesy cocktails and have a real girls talk with your friend

You decided to go to a club a couple of hotels over, they say it was the most fun, you took a hotel van to the place, a method of transportation that was not going to be available later at night

The place was nice, over the beach, a nice looking bar, it was already night, so everything was lit up, outside with torches and other “tiki” looking decorations

You ordered a round of fruit-based drinks and you couldn’t stop chatting about everything you had seen and do for the last couple of days.

Sara had never travelled out of Winterfell before and she was looking at everything with wonder, it was actually refreshing, more so since you haven't been to the Watergardens before either, so it was all new to you too.

The people were nice, and very good looking, the sights were amazing, the Watergardens were some sort of an oasis in the middle of a desert, they were breathtaking 

You were having the time of your life, with your godmother and your friend, and yet… you were missing someone, and you spent all day wondering what would it be like if Cregan was here with you, and Jace as well.

It was such a romantic place! 

Even though you weren’t sure how comfortable you would be around Cregan wearing a bikini, but at the same time… you felt so… warm… just by thinking about it

You couldn’t wait to meet them in the lake, it was going to be such a great time! 

Both your phones “dinged” at the same time, and you grabbed them together, it was a notification of a publication of Cregan and Jace, together.

You found it odd, but went to the publication

And paled

Your boyfriends had encountered the one and only…

“IS THAT…?”, You asked

“Margaery Tyrell”, muttered Sara, looking wide-eyed the photo they posted

“Impossible!”

“Well she was on a national tour!”

“Oh for the gods”

She wasn’t alone, she was with her best friend and also a singer… Jeyne Westerling

One for each

They seemed pretty cosy, judging by the background, they were in some restaurant

“Do they think they didn’t take it well that we met Oberyn Martell?”, she asked fearfully, you didn’t know what to think, what to do

Why didn’t he text you personally?

Why did he have to post it? Well, it was a collab with a friend, a friend posted it, but tagged them so, it wasn’t them, they were probably too busy just… chatting it up with two of the most gorgeous and talented women in the entire continent

“Oh gods”, Sara sighed, “should we call them?”, she asked

“No”, you said firmly, sipping on your cocktail, “we shouldn’t bother them”

“You don’t think they'll have dinner and party together, right?”, she asked fearfully

“No, no I don’t think so”, but when you better thought about it. They were two handsome, hunky, smart, kind, amazing young men and… They would be the biggest idiots if they wouldn’t

“I see concern in your face, should we be concerned?”, she asked, and then you shook your head

“They weren’t concerned about us and Oberyn, right? They are the boys!”, you said as it was obvious, “Cregan and Jace! Not any other!”, you said simply, “we took the video with Oberyn, and sent them a greeting because we knew they were fans as everyone else is, for the record, they did the same! I mean… if they saw Margaery and Jeyne and didn’t take pictures with them like… they are idiots!”, and now you were rambling

“You are rambling”, she said

You looked at your phone as if you could call Cregan with your mind, but it wasn’t working, they didn’t call you, they didn’t ask Margaery to send you a greeting.

Gods

It would be so much better if you could call him, call them, and talk, and hear how much they miss you, as much as you missed them.

“Let’s talk about something else”, Sara offered, ”they are not torturing us all day, we shouldn’t torture them”

“Yes! Yes”, you said simply, and you started talking about the plans for the remaining days.

But something was bugging you, in the back of your mind

It was probably the lack of texting from your boyfriend and best friend 

And the very possibility they could be partying with the most perfect and famous person you had ever seen.

 You both tried to keep your mind off of things, the place started to get crowded, and you lost your table as it was clear to set up a dance floor and now you were talking at the bar, snacking on Lys fries and still sipping on a new cocktail

Oh if you only notices how far you had moved from your cellphones in the bar

It had been a couple of hours, you had shooed away a couple of guys who were a little bit straightforward

“Want to dance?”, you asked her, and she nodded enthusiastically 

“Yes! Let’s do it!”, you looked for your belonging in the bar… and nothing

“Where are our phones?”, you asked, searching frantically

“They were right here!”, she said, as scared as you were

“Dammit!”

You looked everywhere, asked all the bartenders, but nothing, someone took your phones

“We should go back to the hotel”, you said, the night a bit spoiled, you weren’t concerned, they were locked, and unlocking your phone and Sara's was impossible because of the making of the phone itself, but still…

“Yes, before it's too late to get a cab”, she muttered 

. . .

“I can’t believe we met Margaery, she was so nice”, muttered Jace with a dreamlike expression on his face

“Yeah, who would have thought? Of all restaurant in the the city, that would have walked in the same one”, said Cregan

“The girls seemed oddly quiet though”, said Jace

“I didn’t send them the pic yet”, said Cregan

“Wait… Ben uploaded something”, said Jace, looking into his socials, “and Sara saw it”

“You have no more messages from her? I have nothing from (y/n)”, Spoke Cregan, now concern

“They wanted to talk but it was when we were in the HIghway entering the city and… it was messy, and we had started fighting!”, muttered Jace

“And then we barely texted them when we were greeting Ben and his ten siblings and his parents!”. Said Cregan

“We told them we couldn’t talk and then Ben uploaded a photo with Margaery Tyrell”

They shared concerned looks

“Are there any chances that they are angry… very angry… possibly contemplating calling back Oberyn Martell because they think we…”

“Yep”, answered Jace quickly

“Oh for the Gods!”, Cregan moaned, rubbing his face, “they hate us!”

“Nah, come on, they are… rational people… right?”, whined Jace, “they are not… criminally insane and go on a guy-kissing rampage only because we didn’t answer a text”

“You are right”, he said simply, “yes you are right, they are probably already in bed, and tired, you know, sunbathing is tiring, the sand like… steals your energy away, right?”

“Right! Right! Right!”

“Are you freaking out?”, asked Cregan

“No no, if anything we should be angry, they are not answering our texts… they are being childish!”

“Right!”

“Right, yes, because, what? They believe we stood a chance against Margaery and Jeyne? Like they would be remotely interested in us…?”, 

“Well… they did ask us where we were staying”, said Cregan between greeted teeth

“We are so screwed”, muttered Jace, “we didn’t even tell them, meaning… they at least made Oberyn send us a greeting… right?”

“Oh gods”

“They must be so angry Cregan, I don’t want to lose Sara! I love her”

“I don’t want to loose my girl either, I love her too…”, and then, at that fundamental moment, they stopped their neurosis to look at each other

“YOU LOVE HER!?”, asked at the same time

“And we didn’t even got to tell them!”, said Cregan

“Gods”

“They must be so angry right now…”

“We will fix it, alright? Nothing happened!”, Jace tried to assure himself 

. . . 

“My feet hurt!”, whined Sara, and you were thinking the same thing, you were probably bleeding inside your high heel sandals

You couldn’t find a cab, of course, so you were walking back to the hotel

“Mine too”

“I want to sleep in that magnificent bed, I want to talk to my boyfriend”, she whined

“Me too”, you agreed

“Do you have your tablet? From there we can let them know our phones got stolen”

“Yes, and we need to get new ones in the morning”, you muttered, whining about your aching feet, “shouldn’t have we gotten there by now?”, you asked, looking around

“Yes, actually, the ride there was straight down the road, and then left..”, muttered Sara, “so naturally…”

“No, no it wasn't left, it was right, the side of the beach was the right”, you said

“Yes but remember the roundabout of the hotel? Makes you think that you are on the right, but it’s actually left”

‘I don’t understand”, you muttered, you looked around, and nothing looked similar, “no…”

“What?”, she asked

“We have been walking the wrong way!”, you whined

“Noooo!”

“YES!” 

“DANG ITTTTT”

You were turning around, to go the other way, but suddenly… the most majestic sports car turned around the curb, and stopped right by your side

You couldn’t believe your eyes, it was actually Oberyn!

“Can’t believe my eyes! The northerner girls!”, he said, he wasn’t alone, he was accompanied by a gorgeous woman

“Hello Oberyn”, Sara greeted with the greatest smiled

“What are you doing here alone? Shouldn’t you be partying? Taking advantage of this beautiful city and its night life?”

“Yes we were but our phones got stolen, we couldn’t order a cab to go back to our hotel”, you said with a shy smile

“Say no more, get in”, he invited, the woman just looked at you and smiled… not kindly, but… it was nice nonetheless

You were going to say now, but if you took two more steps on those ridiculous shoes you decided to wear, you were going to cry

You shared looks with Sara and got in

“This is Ellaria… my wife”, he introduced

“WHAT!?”, you both asked at the same time, both relaxed and happy

“Nobody knows you have a wife!”, said Sara

“I know!”, he said with a big smile, she looked back at you both

“So, these are the girls you talked to me about, asking you to send a video to their boyfriends”, said for the first time Ellaria, she had this seductive, smooth voice, with the characteristic Dornish accent, and you couldn’t get over how beautiful she was

 “Yeah! exactly, where did you say they are? Why aren’t they here with you!?”, he asked, almost scandalised, and he turned on his sports car and you started sliding through the streets of the Seaside resort of Sunspear… The Watergardens, “you know they do call this city… the city of love”, he giggled 

“They wanted to do a roadtrip of the North, we are going to meet in the God’s Eye”, you said softly

“Oh, Riverland, nice”, he said, “I heard there is a festival there at the middle of summer, it was quite the event”

“Really?”, you asked

“Oh yeah, it was quite fun, the Lake Party, but it’s been a bore for the last couple of years”, contributed Ellaria

“Yeah, maybe we should go”, said Oberyn, Ellaria smiled

“Maybe we should”, she teased, “we can make it matter again”, they shared this significant look, like there was nothing else in this world but them, they were so in love, you could tell, they were both beautiful. It was barely a second, he was driving, but still…

You felt joy when you watched them, but… not envy or nothing like that, you…

Were watching what is what like to be with Cregan

Oh how you loved him

Wait… WHAT!?

“Here you are ladies”, he said happily, pulling the car to the hotel’s entry, it was of no surprise he knew which hotel it was, you had met at the club this morning

“Thank you so much Oberyn!”, Sara said

How could this happen? you were with one of the greatest stars of the century, and you only cared about Cregan, and how much you wished he was there with you.

“Let’s take a picture for the socials”, said Ellaria, taking a selfie with you both on the back seat and Oberyn and Ellaria smiling, “I’ll upload it, what are your users?”, she asked

You gave them your social media data, you couldn’t believe this was happening

“Thank you so much, both of you, thank you!”, you said with a grateful smile, “It would be so amazing if we meet again in the Lake!”

“So we can finally meet this boyfriends of yours”

“There must be something in the air, they met Margaery today, and Jeyne”, Sara told them, they shared concerned looks

“Really?”, and then they both looked back at you

“What?”, asked Sara

“Nothing, i’m sure it went well”, said Oberyn

“Oh come on!”, you said to him, “now i’m concerned”

“No!”, said Ellaria, sharing looks and kept repeating like a mantra, “no no no no”

“Ok you look for the picture… is under @BenTallheart999”, you commanded, she looked it up, his account was public, and saw the picture

“Oh, they are delicious!”, she adored

“Hey!”, teased Oberyn, with a big goofy smile, “You know what? let’s discuss this in the bar”

He was so chaotic and funny, you actually went to the hotel bar, you ordered drinks and snacks, and you spent two hours talking about Cregan, and Jace, and their relationship, they were actually giving you advice.

“I think you both need to downplay it, making them wait, and always be on guard”, said Ellaria, “that is how I caught this one!”, she teased pointing at Oberyn

“NOT TRUE!”, he said, “and no!”, he said pointing at you in warning, “it’s clear that these boys feel the same, jump all in!”

“NO!”, fought Ellaria, “you don’t want to give them the power”

“What if… now that we are not answering… they actually go somewhere with that pair of international stars!”, Sara said, concerned

“They will not!”, said Oberyn

“But we have barely talked since we parted ways!”, you said

“Because they are on a road trip! And you are in the pool or beach all day”, he tried to reason, “they understand, you understand, right?”

It was such a chaotic and wild night, you will definitely remember it

You went back to your room, your godmother probably asleep, in her own suit

You almost threw yourself on top of your tablet, and logged into your account

Messages started pouring in, and hundreds of requests to being followed since, of course, OBERYN MARTELL HAD TAGGED YOU ON A PHOTO

And you had several messages of Cregan

Hey love, are you alright?

Haven’t heard from you in a while”

Is everything alright?

I don’t want to sound… or actually… seen controlling but, we are getting a bit worried

Maybe you are sleeping

I miss you

The last text reached you like twenty minutes ago, so you texted back quickly

Cregan! I never meant to worry you, Sara and I went for a drink in a nearby club, and our phones got stolen!

We are back in the hotel

You won’t believe who brought us back!

Oberyn Martell again! AND HIS WIFE, it was bananas

Are you guys alright?

“Give me!”, demanded Sara, and you gave her the tablet, and she logged in her own account

“A couple of  concerned messages from Jace”, she muttered

I swear nothing happened with Margaery, or Jeyne, they were great, but nothing happened

Are you angry?

Please don’t be…

I miss you terribly

Please give us a sign that you are alright

“We need to talk to them”, you said

But for tonight? You went to sleep, you were so, so tired

The very next morning, over orange juice, and a big breakfast… you both decided to call Cregan and Jace

“Hey loves!”, as soon as you saw them, you felt relieved.

“Hey girls!”

“We miss you!”, said Jace

You were placed next to Sara, and you couldn’t wait to tell them everything that had happened over the last days, they had been so chaotic

“Our phones got stolen last night!”, you said quickly

It was all fine, and you couldn’t believe you ever doubted them, they were Jace and Cregan, your boys! You only needed to talk to them, Oberyn was right…

It was all good

So… it was so good, you spent the next few days enjoying the pool, the beach, your godmother, eating in the most delicious restaurants, and having the time of your life, taking a long breath of fresh air… 

Recharging your batteries after life-altering decisions you had made this year… and especially… to make you think about what you wanted, and where you wanted to go… 

And who you wanted to go with you

Cregan

Sara

Jace

Your Godmother, the most important people in your life, and this trip helped you realise that, you were so, extremely happy

You wanted to enjoy those days with your godmother, she invited you here, she wanted to see you, it was mean of you to want to leave because Cregan wasn’t here, so… you were here now, and you enjoyed it to the last second.

Sara, who had never been outside of the North, was seeing everything for the first time and it was so refreshing! She was extremely grateful, and you talked to the boys everyday for an hour about everything they did that day

They were excited, they learned how to properly see a map, because they didn’t want to rely on their phones as much, they sometimes stopped to camp, yes, actually camp, set a campfire, and roast marshmallows, they say they were practising for the summer at the lake, because you were going to have a lot of that.

This was only just beginning

After chapter notes: Oberyn Martell in this universe is like… if Jackie Chan had a lovechild with Robert Downey Jr’s Tony Stark 😂

Sorry if it wasn't that exciting... perhaps I'm saving myself for the next one

TAGLIST!

@mxtokko @princesssterek @thefandomimagines @iamavailablesstuff @misspascalpunk @sweethoneyblossom1 @ipostwhtifeel @lunamoonbby @ahristata @watercolorskyy @yazzzmints @n4tforlife @littleshadow17 @alexa4040 @speedyballoonpainter @hc-geralt-23 @rayrayredpanda @eralen @yentroucnagol @valeskafics @iloveallmyboys @schadenfreude-and-sarcasm @ttkttt @aleemendoza2425-blog @drwstarkeyy @casualfansoul @urmomsgirlfriend1 @bruher @@toms-cherry-trees @happinessinthebeing @warmness0ul @jennifer0305 @missusnora @a-beaverhausen @snowtargaryen @qu44nbl4ck @juhdoche

[theflyindutchwoman]

I know it’s disappointing that Lucy ranked so low in the detective’s exam, but let’s not forget that hardship when it comes to promotions it’s nothing new in the show. Both Angela and Nolan had their problems before getting to their current positions. One of the first things we learned about Angela is that she wanted to make detective and she didn’t make it until season 3 and Nolan was sent away so he couldn’t take the TO exam (in hindsight they just handed him the promotion later on in season 5 but I hope it kinda shows my point?)

Don’t get me wrong, I would have love for our girl to get the score she actually deserves, but I also wanna see where we go from here.

Oh, as disappointed and enraged as I am for Lucy, I also want to see how this is all going to play out. And in light of her upcoming storyline, let's just say that I'm even more intrigued. But what makes this so heartbreaking is the unfairness of the situation and the optics. It was never about Lucy's competence, even though that's the only thing that should matter. It was never about the sprinklers. That was just a convenient excuse. She got penalised for something that might be questionable (the five-player trade and getting her man a promotion) but she didn't break any rule. Worse : her promotion was blocked by someone who directly reaped the rewards of what she did. Let's take the time to acknowledge that Primm is now a lieutenant while he was still referred as a detective in s5.

And yet, this is nothing new. When Lucy found out about her score, all I could think about was what she said back in s1 : "Look, this kind of obstacle is new to you, but it's status quo for me. You're a novelty item right now, but in 13 months, you'll be a P2, and the cops will treat you like one of the guys, but I'll- I'll have to prove myself to every cop I work with." (1.01) "You'll never be in my shoes. And you'll never know how unfair that is." (1.04) And I hope that this is acknowledged. I hope this is part of her arc. Because this is all too real for women. And even more so for women of color.

Because yes, you're right, Angela and Nolan faced some hardships before being promoted… In Angela's case, it was due to a terrible mistake that she did. One that had devastating consequences (don't get me wrong, it was heartbreaking to see Angela in that position and she more than earned her promotion). Now, Nolan's situation was far more similar to the one Lucy's in : he pissed off a higher-up who decided to block him. Only since it lasted one episode, I can barely consider this as a hardship. Especially since he actually got the Golden Ticket for his trouble. You know, the thing that Nyla got after years of intense undercover work… (again with the optics here). So unless Lucy gets back on track in an episode or two, that would be a major double standard. One that circles back to what Lucy said in s1. And one that isn't new. Nolan broke the rules several times along the years and while he got punished, it never really stuck for long. Whereas Lucy hasn't broken anything and still got penalised.

All of this to say that I don't mind this storyline as long as it is treated properly. Besides, it's not like we didn't know it was coming… We were warned since the moment we found out about the detective exam. So I am looking forward to seeing what Lucy will do next. One thing I know is that every time she has been underestimated, she has prevailed and proved herself. But that's part of the issue, isn't it? She still has to prove herself. Despite getting a medal, despite being handpicked for the UC Academy while still being on patrol, despite being chosen to act as Watch Commander for a day, despite being listed as the arresting officers while she was an aide… All of these things that were supposed to help her advance her career weren't enough in the end. Scratch that : it didn't even matter. And that's why it hurts so much. So I really hope that she gets everything she deserves at the end of her arc. That this is going to be her season :)

[rinwellisathing]

You're Awful, I Love You: Part 38

Lord Enver Gortash/Trans Male Tiefling Durge

The next night, Sentry shook off his fear and anxiety like nothing had happened, forced it down like bitter medicine. As long as the plan was set and being put into action, Father would have no reason to interfere. He had ordered Sentry to work closely with Enver Gortash, and that was exactly what he was doing. “You look wonderful, my dear Sentry.” Enver smiled quite dashingly. He was dressed in a sleek black jacket with gold embroidery, his pants were decorated with various bits of golden metal and in place of a belt he wore a fine red and gold embroidered sash, a style common in Calimshan. Sentry paused to admire his face for a moment, the scars, the nose shaped by so many beatings in The House of Hope, his deep tan skin, the stubble he defiantly had not bothered to shave, the lines on his face that told a story. The things that drew Sentry's eyes to him. “And you are beautiful, my Tyrant.” Sentry replied, his words genuine, his smile brimming with deep devotion to his muse. Enver couldn't hide the blush crossing his face at the compliment, moreso the fact that the tiefling meant it. Enver had seduced countless people since his escape from Raphael's clutches and ever time he had spoken those same words with flippant casualty, hollow, empty. Flippant casualty, he'd come to know, was Sentry's bread and butter when he exchanged words with most people, so to find it absent in those words disarmed him.

“Ah...shall we?” Enver took Sentry's hand in his and led him towards the large, garishly lit building. The upper city's theater district was glowing tonight, crowded with people to see the show. Patriars and visiting dignitaries made up a majority of the patrons for the evening, but there was a small line at a shabby side door admitting those from the lower city who had managed to somehow gain tickets. In that line, Sentry was briefly taken aback to see the shark-skinned girl from the docks again, this time wearing a simply embroidered white and purple dress, a sea-shell comb in her long pale hair. She was by herself this time, but it was definitely her.

“Sentry, this is Lady Jannath, a very generous friend of mine.” Enver distracted Sentry, motioning him over to speak to an older couple, a woman with unflatteringly greying red hair with far too much jewelry and a rather smug looking man who seemed to look down even on Gortash. “And this is The Marquis Ojeda. He oversees a stretch of land near Waukeen's Rest.” Enver presented Sentry, guiding him into the group. “Ah, we've heard sooo much about you, young man.” The woman's tone dripped with false friendliness that Sentry could immediately pick up on. He smirked a bit, noting jealousy in her voice. But still, he accepted her hand and kissed it as Fel had informed him the nobility would expect, the little fiend reading feverishly from an etiquette book salvaged from Tomi's family home years ago while the smiling elf had bathed and styled Sentry for this evening.

“And I've heard so much about you as well. Like the fact that you're going to have an artist in the family soon.” Sentry gave a taunting little grin. “Pity it had to be Oskar Fevras.” Enver bit back a chuckle, turning his head and disguising it as a cough. Well, he wouldn't have invited Sentry if he hadn't wanted at least a bit of drama this evening. The couple both looked like they'd tasted something foul before forcing their courtly smiles back into place and nodding gently. “Ah yes, our daughter is quite taken with him....” Lord Jannath's tone sounded like he would rather she be taken with an ox or a pig. “Well, I suppose it's good to know it's a love match. After all, she couldn't possibly love him for his works. I've seen less vapid works in the waiting rooms at most houses of healing.” Sentry laughed. “You can't tell a thing about his subject from looking at them, the same vacant 'pleasant' expression every time. There's no life, no history.”

“Yes! Yes, that's exactly what I told him!” The older woman nodded. “His work is so pedestrian!” She clapped a hand on Sentry's shoulder. “You know, I think I like you, young man.” Sentry looked back at Gortash with a winning grin on his face and winked. Enver smiled, a look of pleasant surprise on his face. Sentry continued to impress as both a partner and an asset. Perhaps it would be easier to rule together openly once the plan succeeded than he thought. “So, are you an artist as well, Marquis Ojeda?” Lord Jannath asked, accepting a glass of wine from an usher who seemed to be passing them out to the waiting nobility. “Oh yes, though my work is a bit more varied. I'm a painter by trade, but I do dabble in sculpture as well.” Sentry also took a glass from the tray subconsciously, swishing the liquid in the glass as he realized he couldn't actually drink it.

“Well, perhaps we could visit and have a look at some of your works sometime, after all our daughter's little gallery shows could use some real art, as I'm sure you're well aware being familiar with Fevras' works.” Lady Jannath offered, taking a long sip from her glass. “Sentry is actually the artist responsible for my latest portrait.” Enver spoke up, smiling with pride. “I can safely say that no artist has ever captured me so faithfully as him.”

“Oh come on, you'll make me blush.” Sentry smirked, waving off the compliment. His eyes returned to the line up from the lower city, though, wondering what that girl was doing here. Was she just here for the show or was she actually trying to catch the attention of the tribunal. Could it really be a simple coincidence?

His thoughts were interrupted as bells began to chime and the ushers began to collect empty glasses and shepherd the audience into the theater, showing people to their seats, collecting tickets, and ensuring the patriars were not forced to deal with commoners. Sentry found himself guided to a plush private box with an amazing view of the stage. The red velvets of the curtains and carpets, the deep dark mahogany of the wood, the gold of the statues and filigree. Another painting came to mind, perhaps based on that latest copper dreadful he'd bought. The crystal chandelier above the middle seats in the main audience certainly lent itself to images of magnificent carnage. He noticed as he peered into the crowd, the girl was seated near the stage, surprising for someone who lived near the docks. He turned towards his companions. “Forgive my ignorance, I don't often get to come to the theater with my work keeping me busy, who are those front seats ordinarily for?” “Oh, those are guests of the performers.” Lady Jannath replied. “Sometimes family, sometimes, quite scandelously, secret lovers.” Sentry tried not to roll his eyes as he noticed she looked back at Enver with a conspiratorial little smile when she said that. “Ah, I see.” He nodded. “Fascinating.” The lights went down and the curtains parted as music played from the pit. A handsome male orc stepped out on the stage dressed in the garb of an ancient king. He began to lament the cost of war, the heaviness of his crown, and his desire to throw away the trappings of royalty once and for all. Sentry held back a snort, well aware most in this crowd could never relate to that. The patriars wouldn't understand the cost of war, of famine, of strife, if it slapped them across the face. Their families were so safe here in the upper city....A smirk played across his face as the addendum to that returned to his mind. Not for long. He excused himself delicately about an hour into the show. Enver stood beside him a moment, one hand on his shoulder, one at his waist, asking if he was alright, a bit more fussing than Sentry would have liked, but to see the look of venom on that old woman's face was worth allowing it as he assured Enver it was just a quick jaunt to stretch his legs before disappearing into the theater's lobby.

[lycheesuwa]

Sunrise Part 3: Inarizaki Intruder

Listen to: Cruel Summer (Taylor Swift: LOVER album) | I'm not Her (Julia Brennan)

Osamu x Reader x Suna [Fluff/ Angst] (angst, suggestions of nsfw)

Summary: You meet a certain restaurant owner...

This story is heavy Suna in the beginning (Osamu does not appear until chapter 3)

Featuring: Watanabe Natsuki, her brother Watanabe Tenji, and another girl~ (all OCs of mine)

link to part 2 | link to part 4

(2494 words)

You sleep with Suna several more times. For almost the rest of the month you'll go over to his place once or twice a week, or he'll go to yours. Natsuki hates it, and you know it, but she doesn't say anything. She asks you to go to bars with her and meet new people and takes you to a club once even though she hates dancing, because she wants you to get over Suna, even though she's made a point to never meet him. 

“I have two tickets to see the EJP Raijin game against MSBY Black Jackal this weekend,” Natsuki places two tickets onto the table in the middle of your apartment. “If you want… we can go.”

“You got tickets? I thought they were sold out,” You recall something Suna mentioned at the bar before taking you home two nights before. The purple-blue hickey on your collar is still visible, although more faint, and your concealer is running thin. It’s only been three months, but his libido is high, and you’re more than happy to reciprocate his advances. Afterall, you’re going to make Suna real, and not an enigma. It doesn't matter if he told you he's not looking for a relationship, you know how these things turn out in movies and books. 

“Yeah… Um, my brother is on EJP Raijin,” Natsuki sighs. “We have court-side seats.”

Your eyes widen. You knew that her brother played in high school; but to be a Japanese national athlete too? “Why didn't you tell me?!” you exclaim. “Natsuki, that's so cool! Your brother must be insanely good!”

“He's alright,” Natsuki blushes. “So will you join me?”

You and Natsuki wear yellow to show you're supporting EJP Raijin, and not whatever the other random team is. And you're stuck in a jersey that has the number 3 on it because she was too embarrassed to. Apparently it's her brother’s jersey and number. You'd rather it have a 9, but you're here to support her brother. Mostly.

On the side of the court you can see how tall the players are. They tower over you as you take your seat and jump even higher. And somehow, next to all of them, Suna looks on the shorter side. Even MSBY looks huge, their middle blockers several more centimeters taller than Suna. But he's strong, and they play hard, and Natsuki keeps screaming “Go Ji-nii-san!” until her words break because her voice is shot.

And they win in the end, and Natsuki pulls you aside to wait for the end of the game and when the team comes from the locker rooms she throws herself at the tallest guy and wraps her arms around his neck and he hugs her back.

“Hey, thanks for making it out here today, Imouto.”

So that's her brother. He's tall, and he's attractive in a model-worthy way; square jaw, strong brow, intense crystal blue eyes. And he's walking towards you and says in a voice that's almost too deep and seeps into your bones and rattles them just a little when he speaks, “thank ya fertaking care a’ ma sister. I heard so much about ‘cha, (Y/n).”

Not even your last name— your first. 

“N- nice to meet you!” You somehow stutter out.

Your gaze falls on a certain brunette behind him, watching you with careful golden-green eyes. He turns his head slowly away, although his orbs track your line of sight as you nod to Tenji.

“Natsuki, we're going out fer drinks with tha’ old Inarizaki guys since Miya Atsumu is here,” Tenji says to his sister. “(Y/n) and ya should join us.”

You turn to your long time roommate, and friend. Natsuki wrinkles her nose. “I don't wanna drink with your team.”

“It's not the team, it's Inarizaki. C'mon, I'll be there and make sure nothing happens ta ya,” Tenji coaxes.

Natsuki turns to you. “D’ya wanna go?” she asks. She only spent like a minute talking to her brother and her Kansai dialect is back, even if only faintly.

“Sure,” you nod.

Tenji puts his arm around her shoulder before he turns to his team and waves at Suna to join the rest of you. He's standing with a guy with light chestnut colored hair, and the two walk over.

“Komori-kun is gonna join us,” Suna says. “He's gonna try and convince Kiyoomi-kun to join too.”

“Sweet. This is my kid sister, Natsuki, and her friend from uni, (Y/n)-san,” Tenji introduces you.

Suna smirks as he lifts his right hand in a peace sign. “Yo, (Y/n)-chan,” he stresses your first name like a taunt.

Your breath catches when he throws in a wink at the end. Curse his beautiful face for making you lose composure for a second. “M-my name is (Y/l/n), (Y/n),” you correct, bowing.

Tenji’s face flickers in annoyance at his sister introducing you by your first name. “C'mon, ya can meet ’Tsumu and his brother. Omi-kun too.” He leads you over to some of the members of MSBY who are exiting their own locker room.

At the front is a man with platinum blonde hair, and behind him a guy with wavy black hair and a face mask. The platinum haired guy looks to be in much brighter spirits with his hand in the air and a small smile on his face, although you can tell it’s forced. “Hey, Sunarin, Ten-ten,” he greets Suna and Tenji. “Good game ya played out there.”

“Thanks, ’Tsumu,” Suna says. You’re introduced to the guy with the mask but your attention is on the brunette behind you, trying to figure out what they’re talking about, but the ’Tsumu guy’s accent is too strong after talking to Tenji, and he’s speaking too fast, and he’s just a bit too far away to hear properly.

Tenji offers to drive you to the bar where he rents a private room and a boy and girl from Inarizaki who came to watch the EJP vs. MSBY game join you. The boy is a spitting image of the platinum blonde, except his hair is a natural shade of brown. 

The girl is adorable. She’s the perfect height for her to wrap her arms around Suna’s neck so he has to pick her up, but her body is clearly that of an adult. Her hair is long and pulled back into a half rose bun, the rest of it curled in soft waves that fall down her back, although at the moment they’re streaming behind her as Suna spins her around in their embrace. She’s beautiful, and she keeps her arms around Suna’s neck as she congratulates him, finally landing a kiss on his cheek once he sets her down. If there’s anyone who radiates warmth and the sun more than her, you’re not sure you know them. Even her auburn-colored hair is streaked with natural highlights, reminding you of sunlight on japanese-maple leaves.

Suna’s face is bright red, and he stands to his full height as the girl finally lets go, and your attention is brought back to Natsuki and her brother. Tenji’s asking what you want to drink and you wave your hand towards the makeshift bar where ’Tsumu is rummaging through the bottles to pour people their desired poison of the night, a careless, “whatever you have.”

Whatever you have to distract me from Suna… Suna, who has his arm around that girl’s shoulders, so she’s forced to sit next to him on the farthest couch from you. Suna who gives her sly smiles and makes sure she’s not drinking too much as the night goes on, even after Natsuki and ’Tsumu leave to go to the bathroom, Natsuki to throw up, and ’Tsumu to do the same, most likely.

You’re sitting at the edge of your couch wondering how many times Suna’s gone to her place instead of yours. How many times he’s whispered the same filthy words into her hair as he takes her from behind, or how many times he’s filled her up with his cum. How many times he’s shown up to practice with scratch marks down his back from her, and you hate how long her legs are, and how nice her ass is, even while wearing modest pantsuit. How perfect she looks tucked up against Suna as she pulls her legs onto the long couch to lean into his side, and his arm goes from the back of the couch to wrap around her so his hand is draped languidly across her waist.

“Hey, ya went ta Kobe University? I went there too,” a voice snaps you out of your daze.

You’re staring at ’Tsumu’s brother, his hair a dark brown color, locks beginning to settle on his head normally than when they were plastered to his forehead from being stuffed under a hat that read ‘Miya’ on the front. “Um… yeah,” you say, “I went there. I just graduated, with her,” you nudge Natsuki’s arm where she's leaning against you.

“I did too. Big school— I was in business management,” he says.

You raise your eyebrows, and glance from him to Suna again. Suna's lips are in the girl’s hair, whispering, and she’s holding his free hand, fingers playing with the steel ring across his right index finger.

“Ma names Osamu, but ya should just call meh ’Samu,” Osamu offers, forcing you to look into his eyes again. They're a shade of blue that's so dark they almost look black. “S’easier than sayin’ ma full name.” His dialect is strong. If you didn’t have practice talking to Natsuki you would have gotten lost because he speaks quickly too.

“I’m (Y/n),” you say, distracted as Suna stands up and pulls the girl to her feet.

Osamu finally turns to Suna and the girl since it looks like they’re leaving.

Together.

Osamu stands and goes to clap Suna on the shoulder, pulls the girl in for a hug which she only sort of returns, and he says something stern to her. She nods, eyes almost shut, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. She shakes her head and then a sleepy smile falls on her face as she turns to Suna.

“Let’s go home, Rin,” she says. 

Something starts to sink in your chest. She called him ‘Rin’ and there was no reaction. No warning slap, not a bat of their eyes, and even Osamu and ’Tsumu seem to take this like it’s a fact. Like she calls him that all of the time. Maybe it’s normal for her, but that’s something else that puts her apart from you. The girl pulls Suna forwards by the hand, and waves goodbye to the circle of people.

’Tsumu catches her at the door though, places his hands on her shoulders, and begins sobbing as he falls into her much smaller frame. “Don’t leave me, chiibi-chan,” he whines through his tears.

She pats his back and says, “Atsumu, let me go home. Rin’s driving me to the airport in the morning so we have to go now.”

“I’ll drive ya,” Atsumu protests. “Let me go with ya.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve seen the others here,” she says. “Just enjoy the night with Tenji-san and ’Samu. We’re going to dinner on Tuesday, anyway.”

“But I wanna spend tha’ night with you, Shiibi-chan.” His words are slurring as he collapses against her and Suna finally steps in to pull the faux-blonde off of the girl.

“You see her more since you live in Tokyo,” Suna rolls his eyes. “Give me the one night I get with her in the season.”

Your jaw locks as the sinking feeling falls through your stomach. It’s like quicksand pulling all of your guts lower and lower somehow, slowly through this pit in your stomach. Maybe this girl is even more than just another hook up. She’s something that Suna had to share at least, which makes her even more precious since she isn’t always there for him.

You’ve contemplated leaving Suna. Telling him to either commit to you, or give it up entirely, but that would reveal that you’d gone into the agreement with feelings, and that would make you a liar through the whole ordeal. There is also the chance that he just cuts you off, since he understood that you were just friends with benefits, and when said benefits got to be too much for you, he’d cut off the friendship.

Suna succeeds in dumping Atsumu onto the couch next to Osamu, and pulls the girl in by the waist, until she’s nestled under his arm with her hand on his chest. He nods at you briefly before lifting his hand towards Tenji. “See you tomorrow, captain,” he waves.

Tenji lets out a small smile, even though he’s not the captain. “See ya, Sunarin.”

Your hope leaves with Suna as his arm tightens around her waist and the door shuts.

The vodka in your glass burns more that night, but you welcome the sting in your throat as you talk to Osamu. Osamu who started his own business and only recently got an actual restaurant located in downtown Kobe. With an agreement to stop by some time when you can make the trip down to Hyōgo, you exchange numbers although it seems like he’s doing it out of kindness. Atsumu passes out on the couch next to him, and finally Osamu bites.

“Ya like Sunarin, dont’cha?”

You know there’s no point in denying it. But not wanting to admit it quite yet, you take a look around the room. Tenji’s talking to the guy with the mask, and their other friend is also snoozing but on the floor since the mask guy has his own little bubble around him. When your gaze falls on the stranger-now-friend before you, you nod. “I’ve known Suna-kun my whole life… I— I guess he’s my first love,” you admit.

Osamu chuckles. “Must be tough seeing ‘im with someone else, hmm?” he muses. “They’ve been close friends throughout highschool. Best friends, yanno? Never dated though, fer some reason.”

“Do you think they will?” you dare to ask.

Osamu shakes his head in a slow manner, but it seems genuine. “Nah,” he says reflectively. “Coz’f Sunarin wanted her that bad, he’d have at least kissed her by now. Hell, even I’ve kissed her, and who knows how far ma idiot brother’s pushed the boundaries.” His gaze falls to the sleeping blonde next to him. “But… Sunarin ain’t physical with ‘er like that. We all worry about ‘er, but he’s more protective. More like… A brother or somethin.”Is he… trying to cheer you up? Throw down a net into that hole and fish out the remaining pieces of your pining for Suna Rintarou? Regardless of why Osamu is comforting you, you smile at him, feeling light for the first time that night. “I appreciate hearing that,” you tell him.

part 4

[wafflesinthe504]

The Rookie 5x05 Thoughts

Spoilers for episode 5x05 of The Rookie! If you don't care about spoilers or have already watched the episode, please enjoy!

________________________________________________

Alright a lot of things GREAT things happened tonight. One of those being us finally meeting three out of four of Angela's brothers (all four would have been nice but it's better than nothing). The fact that each of them lead very different lifestyles and obviously have different relationships with Angela and each other was great to see and I'm surprised that The Rookie was able to pull it off decently well. I hope that we continue to see the brothers in future episodes. Maybe not all three of them but one or two popping up from time to time would be nice. Even them simply calling or being name dropped from here on out would a good way to keep up the momentum. I hope we do get to see Angela's fourth brother sometime in the future.

The ending scene with Angela's family was great to watch. And the Speech made me emotional. I just loved them all. Honestly, I could probably watch a whole spin-off of just the Lopez family.

One and a half: Angela and Nyla teaming up to figure out which one of Angela's brothers is responsible for their mom being hurt was great to see. I love their friendship. Also Nyla getting slightly annoyed with Ang because she's not used to having to sit out in the interrogation was funny.

Two: Seeing one of Tim's old injuries actually coming back to stab him in the back, quite literally. The fact that we're finally getting some follow up to Tim being shot in the first season is amazing. Also, Lucy being there every part of him being injured and healing is lovely.

Additionally, seeing Tim be open about him being worried about the surgery and how it could affect him was so emotional. Most of the other times we've seen Tim deny his worry or cover it up by expressing through anger, but this time we get a truly good look at how anxious the surgery makes him and shows a lot of progression is character.

(Also Grey ending up in the hospital because of food poisoning was hilarious)

Three: The best thing ever to happen in this episode was to see Lucy Chen in charge!!! And not just over a few officer but acting as sergeant while both Tim and Wade were incapacitated. All she needed was a little push from Nyla and she was off to the races. The way that each of the officers respect her was amazing to see. I mean just the fact that both Wade and Tim decided that Lucy should be the one in charge was absolutely spectacular. At this point if Lucy doesn't get some sort of promotion by the end of the season I don't know what I'm going to do because she has already proved herself like a hundred times over. I mean honestly come on, if anyone really deserves a golden ticket its Lucy Chen. Seriously, I'm going to need more scenes with Lucy being in charge.

Other final thoughts: You guys didn't think I would forget the break up right? Tim and Ashley have finally broken up. Thank goodness. Although I am happy with the fact that they have finally broken up I do wish that the reasoning had been a little bit more consistent with what we've already seen, rather than another reason being forced in this episode. (Hopefully, Chris and Lucy will break up soon or have already broken up. Either way is fine with me.)

Lucy and Tim's last moments in the hospital, all that was missing for me was a little hand hold. I already know the moment they get together I'm about to be jumping out of my seat with joy.

Aaron and Angela's mom's immediate friendship had me cracking up. Both of them trying to setup someone from their family was absolute gold. I wonder if Aaron is going to go on a date with Isabelle.

Getting to know Officer Juarez more and more has been fun and makes Nolan just a little bit more tolerable. Her trick with the morphine was ingenious.

Nolan and Bailey wedding coming up so here's hoping for another Chenford dance!

Until next time have a great day or night!

[snifflesthemouse]

So now we know what happened... re the Trip to the Hague, the informal stop in to the Queen.

TLDR: Harry needed to ensure his cash cow, so he wanted to try and woo his Gan gan into letting him monetize their relationship.

In other words, Harry literally waited last minute to try to force his way into the balcony shots. He waited last minute so that they had less time to premeditate their strategy.

You see, the more time you give a target or mark to think, the less time you have to con them or get what you want from them. Had he asked Granny months ago, taking the long con, it would've faired out much better. The Queen refusing them, forcing them to see his father and Camilla first, and refusing them the balcony, essentially ended the dance.

She ensured her links to them were no longer worth exploring. She showed him, in one simple word, that she would not participate in being conned. That is the only way to ever win against a con artist, btw.

The only real way to get away from a con is to name the con and then refuse it. Con artists will not waste time on people they cannot influence.

Which could explain, as well, why the Queen will become a bigger liability to the couple. Before she was their only golden ticket link. She has removed herself from that now. She has drawn the line, and they showed us all they won't cross it.

You know how this author knows they will not cross the line with the Queen?

Because they waited until AFTER the celebrations to drop those Lili pictures.

SO, this author was wrong about Harry being summoned. The Queen agreed to that meeting. And she swerved so hard on their intentions, they never got to even really ask her in person regarding the balcony until the weekend of the celebrations.

When Harry lied to his grandma and tricked her into thinking the meeting was an olive branch, the Queen knew better. She's older and wiser than all of us together. She was able to see objectively for what they were; needing her for their own benefit. She's no green tree. She is a solid live oak.

That "No" must be why they left early then. Why stay if there is no benefit?

ALWAYS REMEMBER A CON ARTIST WILL GIVE NO MORE TIME TO SOMETHING THAN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

Who was it who said "if you can't give it five years, don't give it five minutes"? How funny...

Con artists see time as more precious than anything. Time is literally money. If the Queen was giving them nothing they wanted, and they could only benefit from going nuclear, the next best option is move on.

Think about it. We've all known that one person who will pressure us into something, but as soon as we clearly say "NO" they immediately move on.

They literally made a decision in their minds when they were in the UK that they were better off going home instead of being unseen. Why?

BECAUSE LEAVING EARLY IMPLIES THE RIFT IS WIDENING. It's a dog whistle. It's saying, pay attention because here it comes!

They make money off of this now. This is their bread and butter. This is their reality TV paycheck. But instead of a weekly episode where we hash out the past seven days, we are getting a slow-drip IV bag on repeat. They're trying to tell us the good stuff is coming any minute, but we all know that it's just saline in the bag again.

My point is this... I was wrong about them being summoned. She didn't have to summon anyone, as they were thirsty enough to be knocking the door down.

The Queen is a master at allowing people to talk or turn themselves inside out. She's been running with every world leader since WWII. This is why she doesn't acknowledge their banter or the public's outcries. She knows how this goes. She will always be Queen, and they will always be quitters.

She's been trying to tell us all for the last several years now how she would prefer the world to treat H and M... The same way she treats them. She'll wave to them from the castle windows as they drive off in a Range Rover, but she won't rub elbows with them on the balcony.

The Queen told the whole world that Megs and Haz weren't Balcony people anymore with one word.

She showed the whole world they were second-row royalty with one seating chart.

Tom, I can't wait to read your book!

Link for the above screenshots:

[moonflower1605]

Chapter - 22

(Ella's POV)

The sun was setting when we reach the water park. The main gate was padlocked & topped with barbed wire. Inside, dry waterslides, tubes & pipes curled everywhere, into empty pools. Old tickets fluttered on the asphalt.

"If Ares brings his girlfriend here," Percy said, "I’d hate to see what she looks like."

"Percy," Annie warns. "Be more respectful."

"Why? I thought you hated Ares."

"He’s a god. His girlfriend is temperamental. But honestly, Nora is way prettier than her."

Percy agrees. "Shut up!" I say blushing.

"Who is she? Echidna?" Percy asks.

"No, Aphrodite," Grover says dreamily. Goddess of love.”

"Didn't she marry Hephaestus." Percy said.

"What's your point?" Grover asked.

"So..how'd we go in?" He changes the subject.

"Maia!" Grover flew over the fence, did an unintended somersault in midair, then stumbled, landing on the opposite side & grinned as if he’d planned the whole thing.

"Show off." I muttered. Annie laughed.

"You guys coming?" He asks.

Annie, Percy & I climb the old fashioned way, we held the wire down as we crawled over it.

We saw few attractions - Ankle Biter Island, Head Over Wedgie, & Where’s My Swimsuit? There was a shop left open. Merchandise on the shelves: snowglobes, pencils, & racks of-

"Clothes," Annie said. "Fresh clothes."

"Yeah," Percy starts. "But you can’t just-"

She snatched an entire row off the racks & disappeared into the changing room. A few minutes later she came in flower-print shorts, a red Waterland T-shirt, & Waterland surf shoes. A Waterland backpack on her shoulder, stuffed with even more goodies.

"What the heck." Grover shrugs. Soon, all four of us were dressed like walking ads for the defunct theme park.

"So Ares & Aphrodite," Percy asks me, "they have a thing going?"

"That’s old gossip, Percy," I told him. "Three thousand year old gossip."

"What about Aphrodite’s husband?"

"Well, Hephaestus, the blacksmith: crippled as a baby & got thrown off Mount Olympus. He isn’t handsome. Clever, yes, but Aphrodite isn’t into brains & talent, you know?"

"She likes bikers." I shrugged.

"Hephaestus knows?" He asked.

"Oh sure," I said. "He caught them together, literally caught them, in a golden net, & invited the gods to come laugh at them. He always tries to embarrass them. That’s why they meet in out-of-the-way places, like..."

I stopped, looking straight ahead. "Like that."

In front of us was an empty pool. It was at least fifty yards across and shaped like a bowl. Around the rim, twelve bronze cupid statues stood guard with wings & bows ready to fire. On the other side, a tunnel opened up.

"This is too easy," Percy said. "So we just walk down there and get it?"

I ran my fingers along the base of a statue. "This is a Greek letter, Eta, I wonder if...."

"Grover," Percy said, "smell any monsters?"

He sniffed the wind. "Nothing."

"Nothing-like,in-the-Arch-&-you-didn’t-smell- Echidna nothing, or nothing?"

He looked hurt. "I said, that's underground."

"Okay, I’m sorry. I’m going down. I want you to stay here with the flying shoes. You’re the Red Baron, a flying ace. I'm counting on you, if something goes wrong."

"Sure. But what could go wrong?"

"No idea. Just a hunch. Annabeth, come on-"

"Are you kidding?" she looked at him as if he���d dropped from the moon. Her cheeks red.

"What’s the problem?" He demanded.

"Me, go with you to the..Thrill Ride of Love?" She said.

"So?" But his face was burning now, too. "I’ll do it myself.” He says going down the side of the pool, I follow him, since she didn't & ignored the look Grover was giving me.

We reached the boat. The shield was on a seat, & next to it was a lady’s silk scarf. I noticed on the side of the boat: the greek letter-Eta, same as the cupid statue.

Percy picked the scarf. It shimmered pink. He smiled dreamily, & was about to rub the scarf against his cheek but I ripped it out of his hand & stuffed it in my pocket.

"No, you don’t. Stay away, that's love magic."

"What?"

"Get the shield, Percy, let’s get out of here."

The moment he touched the shield, I knew we were in trouble. His hand broke something connecting it to the dashboard. A tripwire!

"Wait," I said.

"Too late."

"There’s another Greek letter on the side of the boat, another Eta. This is a trap."

Link to the next chapter is here.

Link for the prev chapter is here.

Comment, like & share.

Take care my lovely readers.❤

Alice signing off.

XOXO.

[twistednuns]

December 2022

A ticket to the planetarium at the kids museum on a bland day in a bland city. Glow-in-the-dark stars and planets, a moving tunnel just like the Hexenschaukel. Golden glitter curtains reflecting the sunlight (El Salvador seems to be obsessed with Christmas). A kitty sleeping in the park. Pupusas. The girl from El Salvador/Texas who called her cousin for me and helped me find out where to buy bus tickets.

Mastering the blueberry challenge - recording a video of me making a blueberry hover over my mouth.

A very plushy and luxurious bus seat on the way to Honduras. A faint rainbow. Green valleys and mountains.

How my friends showed up for me when I told them my mum was very sick. Frank kept asking me how I was, offered support. Was suddenly really there. Doris stayed up very late for me so we could talk on the phone. Compassionate messages and offers.

Talking to my mum via Skype. It helped me accept and understand the situation when I could see/hear/feel her and learned how she felt about her illness.

Blanca picking me up from the bus station, listening to me, getting me back there the next day.

Listening to podcasts for hours and hours.

Palm tree forests with cow herds grazing. Passing a Chiquita banana farm on the way to the ferry terminal in La Ceiba.

The completely artificial and overly syrupy cocktail cherry on my smoothie.

I saw five cats one morning. Obviously they all thought I was there to deliver breakfast. One even tried biting into my forearm to see if I was the snack.

Diving! Seeing a huge puffer fish. Not fucking up. Everything went smoothly.

Being able to almost cross my legs? I'm obsessed. And want to keep losing weight!

Strutz, Jonah Hill's documentary about his therapist. I learned about some interesting thoughts and concepts. But it was nothing new - actually it all comes down to the same work but Strutz has a different way of explaining things. And that was nice to learn as well - I already know what I need to know. I have to stop looking for teachers and guidance and put the wisdom I already have to practice.

I went over to the freediving centre. Didn't get the introduction course right away but was invited to come out on the boat to watch and snorkel. Walter, a red female cat, showed up and was super affectionate. My emotional support animal. We took out the boat, it was raining. Marc gave me his jacket. Everyone prepared for their training and I watched Marc doing line dives. Tried a few myself. I enjoyed using the long fins, how easy it is to get down. The plankton, the air bubbles, like a marine whirl pool. Marc's air rings. The last one was perfect, almost like a hula hoop. Diving some more. Seeing the sheer mass of water and light above me coming up. The blue abyss below me.

Seeing the reflection of the sun and sky in a puddle on the boat deck.

More scuba diving. Seeing a funny fish with some feather headdress in black and white. A spotted eagle ray. Diving though narrow passageways.

Drinks with the divers. Just a bit of socialising. It was good for me not to be alone all the time.

A gorgeous sunset and the last full moon of the year.

Loving kindness meditation.

A very good cup of coffee after lots of Nescafé fails.

A consoling online therapy session. It's nice to have another mum figure in my life.

My first full month of meditation milestone.

Feel Good on Netflix. I'm attracted to Mae Martin. But I obviously identify with her girlfriend in the series.

Music trivia quiz at Sundowners! KC and Alex were very good. Also, I love them as a couple. They seem to really enjoy their life! And I bonded a little with the other Alex, a girl from Texas who works at a space agency and has racoons living under her house. I love her assertiveness and taste in jewellery.

Freediving! Getting my certificate. Successfully "saving" my instructor from drowning twice. A barracuda hanging out with me. All the sexy/tan/heavily tattooed diving folks on the boat. And they were all so nice and friendly. Marlene from Montreal gave us rambutans. Lisa from the UK was extremely lovely. What an awesome community. I mustn't forget Marc and Walter the cat! And the diving is just gorgeous. I love the feeling down there. Just hanging on to a line. The efficiency of wimming with long fins.

A green kolibri just whirring around outside the terrace where I had my Sunday breakfast.

Extra foamy foam on my cappuccino. Cocoa powder. Good scrambled egg with veggies, avocado, cheese and hot sauce.

A tiny little discount on my rambutans.

Getting the plane seats I wanted without having to switch or pay for anything. And finding out that I don't have to pay for checked luggage! What a relief.

I got to know some divers at Chillie's (Ash and her dad Marc) and we all went out for dinner. I had such an interesting conversation with Marc, an older artist and furniture designer who'd recently lost his wife. We talked about life, design, the power of thoughts and breath, karma and so much more. Connecting with Brandon, Ash and Alex over drinks on my last night on the island.

The last Roatan sunset was a good one, too.

Leftover pizza for my airport oddyssee.

Finding out that my belly fits under the fold out table in the airplane by now. Loving this.

Watching old movies. I especially enjoyed 28 Days. I'm having a Sandra Bullock moment.

Annika picking me up from the airport on the coldest day of the year. Everything was frozen and covered in frost or ice. Crunchy steps. She's even brought a hat and gloves for me. We ended up driving around for almost three hours because it turned out I had the wrong keys and needed to get a Covid test for the hospital visit.

Moving in at home. Taking care of my mum. Driving and cooking for the first time in a while. Helping her with everything. Feeling effective and useful.

My mum feels so much better at home. Seeing her on the first day in the hospital was scary.

IKEA veggie hot dogs with Lena and Christian.

Chocolate, herbal tea and truffle mustard from Lena. And Sash gave me another big box of Zotter chocolate for Christmas.

Seeing the Friendzone for dinner.

Cuddling with Do. She visited me on my second day back in Germany.

Meditation with visualization. Visualising a garden in summer. Cats, planting seeds, the sunlight feeling warm on my skin. The smell of the soil. Buzzing insects.

Crosswords and sudoku to pass the time.

Thai massage. Ing triggering a smiling reflex when she hit exactly the right spots.

Making Haluschki for my mum. Baking cheese biscuits.

It was so good to see Becky and Manu and finally talk again after such a long time. Then I picked up Doris from school. We went to Erding, walked around a few stores and had Indian food for dinner. Then we cuddled and held hands at the cinema.

A new puffy bag.

Spending the evenings talking to my mum. Asking questions, listening to stories about her past.

Semolina dessert with cherry jam.

Meeting Lena for long walks along the river.

Visiting Dory at home for the first time. I got so many unexpected Christmas presents and loved every single one of them. We tried out a few toys, had breakfast at the bakery and watched Nous finirons ensemble while eating Nidar Smash.

A quick visit at Sash's parents' house on New Year's Eve. Maya fed me her homemade Russian food. We half-watched a classic movie and toasted with champagne at midnight.

[cherrykindness]

wild tweets |

pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader

summary: as newlyweds, you and harry read thirsty comments for buzzfeed.

warning: it's thirsty tweets, so below there is adult humor 😳

"It's a bright, sunny morning in Los Angeles, and there's nothing I want more than to be on BuzzFeed and read wild tweets alongside my husband."

"Thirsty tweets, babe." Harry corrected, laughing out loud with the producers behind the cameras.

"Thirsty Tweets." You said quickly, putting your hand over your mouth to stifle a giggle. "I'm terrible at that, I'm sorry. Can we start over?"

"Let's take a break for one to two minutes. You've given us a great introduction, Y/N."

You shook your head, smiling shyly before turning to Harry, who was already watching you with that easy smile at the corner of his lips. You liked how his hand remained firmly on yours, making those circular movements with the thumb that always served as a natural medice for your anxiety.

"You look so fucking beautiful."

The pleated dress with flounce sleeves fit you like a glove. You had made peace with the various shades of white since the wedding and knew that Harry liked to see you in that color too.

"Thank you, you're not too bad either, Styles."

You intimately suspected that Harry would always seem far beyond that "not bad" that came out as a euphemism from your mouth. He wore nothing but a pair of bell-bottom pants in a strong shade of blue and a soft vest printed with fluffy little sheep on a striped American collared shirt - in your opinion, no one could look better in farm animal clothing than Harry Styles and Princess Diana with her red "Black Sheep" sweater in the 1980s. In contrast, you knew your husband well enough to know that he was arrogant and knew exactly how hot he looked - you also made your thoughts clear enough when you kept him backstage beyond ten minutes in a rather heated kissing session.

"Are you anxious?" you asked curiously, remaining with downcast eyes fixed on the strokes that remained assiduous on your warm skin. "To read about how the whole internet dreams of fucking my wife?! Of course." Harry joked, leaning over to leave a small one on your cheek. "We agree on that, don't we? Although I'm a little nervous, I'm really interested to know all the crazy things they say about you. Everyone knows you're mine at the end of the day, that's enough."

At the end of the break, you and Harry made a silent agreement that you should be the first to pick up one of the scattered papers in the red pot. There were quite a significant amount of tweets, and as much as you were used to reading rather sordid things about your husband on the Internet, the excitement was there as if you were wading into uncharted territory.

"I would be a good girl all year round if Santa guaranteed me a threesome with Harry and Y/N Styles on Christmas Eve." You laughed, Harry staring at the camera with an expression close to the meme of the surprised Pikachu. "You guys are incredibly nasty, I love it."

"If that was the first one, I'm really worried about the next ones." Harry commented with a little corner smile, picking the next tweet out of the bucket. "I have an entire folder on Pinterest dedicated to Harry Styles' hands, and let me tell you why: those hands are art, and art needs to be recognized."

"What- Guys, you promised you wouldn't post my anonymous tweets here." You quipped with false reproach, laughing at your own stupid joke while everyone else in the studio did the same. "But I can't blame her, honestly." Shaking your shoulders, you opened another piece of paper. "Harry Styles finally confessed that he wrote Watermelon Sugar for Y/N!!!! Are you guys imagining the same thing as me?!!!!!! 🥵🍆💦"

"Exhausted emoji, eggplant emoji, and water emoji?" Harry frowned, staring at the tweet you held up. "I imagine you're in need of a vacation somewhere refreshing and you're craving a fruit that everyone eats like it's really a vegetable."

"That reminded me of that story-" You laughed, hiding your face on the table as Harry continued to offer a poker face to the camera, struggling not to keep up with you laughter. "I'm sorry, lovie, I have to share this with the rest of the world." You stated, wiping a few tears from the corner of your eyes. "Harry always wears those fancy suits to concerts, right?! Right! Turns out he looks really hot in some, like his ass molds perfectly into those tight pants and everything. I was home that night because I wasn't feeling well enough to face the big crowds, but I was still following everything on twitter. It was a concert in London, not so far from where we lived at the time, so it was obvious that he would come home after it was over. I follow some portals that do really fast updates of pictures, videos, etc; everything that happened at Harry's concert was on my timeline in a matter of seconds. When one of these profiles uploaded a picture of him with his back to the camera in a heavily accentuated black and white suit, I quickly sent him the image along with a peach emoji and then wrote "looks good tonight". He didn't reply to me until a few hours later, of course, but I obviously didn't expect a "ready for a Fifth Avenue peach salad for dinner?" and numerous cutlery emojis."

Harry rolled his eyes comically, indulging in laughter as did everyone else who occupied the backstage area.

"I'm against the eroticization of emojis." He said between uncompensated breaths, shaking his head negatively. "Let's go to the next ones, please, I'm already feeling exposed enough here."

"I like your old-fashioned spirit, baby." You assured him with a smile, laying on the sturdy shoulder hidden under the fluffy fabric.

Harry chuckled low, leaving a little kiss on the top of your head before selecting the next paper. The fans would die when that video aired, everyone was sure. You two easily forgot the cameras when you were side by side, and the public display of affection had never been a problem.

"My life mission is to look at someone the way Harry looks at Y/N and be reciprocated the way Y/N looks at Harry, then I could die happy." Harry read. "That was very good and healthy, thank you!" He smiled. "But don't settle for death in that case, please. Just make sure to keep that person around forever."

"Awn, we got so sweet now." You made a pout. "Thank you for sending us something so cute! I really hope you find the right person soon." Sending a kiss to the camera, you moved on to the next tweet. "I wouldn't want to get a golden ticket to visit Willy Wonka's factory, I would like to get a golden ticket to actively participate in Y/N and Harry Styles' Honeymoon.

"That was creative, so I will disregard the fact that you removed my last name from my wife's name." Harry joked.

"I will always be an Y/L/N." You flashed the tongue. "We had a great Honeymoon, but I know you guys already know all about it because there are pictures all over the internet of outings that I don't even remember existed."

"Even though we chose a rather reserved city, many paparazzi still managed to photograph some of our nights there." Harry agreed. "There was one particular day when we opted to have dinner at a restaurant near the beach. Y/N had found it even before the trip, it was pretty laid back and we could spend the evening at karaoke. I don't really remember what happened, but we woke up the next day with a terrible hangover, still wearing the clothes from the dinner and with several headlines saying that I was cheating on my wife in the middle of our Honeymoon with a blue-haired italian girl."

"That wig made me sexy, man." You blinked, laughing as you remembered the situation. "It's a shame the paparazzi only got low quality images, but I swear I looked really amazing that night. Italy, I miss you."

"We're coming to the end and I haven't had to ask production for a glass of water yet, thank you to whoever selected these tweets." Harry raised his thumb to the camera, smiling before turning his gaze back to the small paper he had chosen. "Y/N could literally punch me in the face and I would just bow down and thank them for it." He laughed. "She has heavy hands, so I would rethink that choice."

"It takes strong hands to be a superheroine." You blinked gracefully, referring to your works as a Marvel actress. "I move around a lot during the night, so I'll take this lovely opportunity to say that twitter can dismiss all the malicious theories about Harry always show up with a new bruise all over his body."

"Please stop making indecent assumptions while Y/N is aggressive with me at night only unconsciously, her father has access to social media."

You laughed, clearing your throat before reading the next obscenity aloud.

"I would sell all my possessions to have Y/N sitting on my lap for ten seconds."

"Oh my God." Harry laughed out loud, throwing his head back. "I should have said that in our wedding vows."

You shook your head, laughing low as you set the tweet aside.

"That was pretty funny and cheeky, I approve."

"Okay, looks like we finally got to the last one." Harry announced, waving the paper in the air dramatically before opening it. "Harry could literally crush me with those boots while fuc- I need that glass of water." He said dumbfounded, hiding his face between his hands after throwing the tweet over his shoulder. You laughed out loud next to the organizers, and meanwhile Harry leaned his head on your bust, staring at you still with wide eyes. "Please promise that we will be careful with our future children on the internet."

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A Memory Locked In The Heart - Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

A/N - Requested by the lovely @overduelibrarybooks I hope this was the kind of thing you were looking for!

Find my masterlist here.

My taglists are open and requests are open.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: "could u ever write a spencer reid x reader where reader def works for the cia but more as a translator who’s kinda forced into doing agenty things in order to gather intel and on a mandated break she finds out the UNSUB before the team does so she uses herself as bait, and shoots the guy all very badass fashion n then gets interrogated bc ms girl just shot him coldblood and halfway thru she recognizes spencer bc her mother and his mom lived in the same care facility??? idk sorry my mom has paranoid too so it just hits different but u don’t have to write this if u don’t want to i love ur writing <3"

CW: disclaimer: I know next to nothing about the CIA and what they investigate so please go easy on me here. This is all made up so hopefully it makes some kind of sense. Mentions of violence and sex work, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s, some swears. Mentions of drug use and overdose. Spanish used towards the end is from Google Translate so I apologise if it isn’t completely accurate. Italics indicate flashbacks.

Plot: Eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.

WC: 5.3K

—————————————————————

How did I end up here?

That was a question you kept asking yourself as you rolled into your third hour of sitting in that cold, dimly lit interrogation room at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia.

Well you supposed you’d have to go back to the beginning to truly work that out.

The CIA and FBI joint task force for a country wide sex trafficking ring they believed to be operating out of DC.

When your team at the CIA had started investigating it was estimated that the ring had close to a hundred women who had been abducted and forced into the sex industry.

A lot of women were believed to have been taken trying to cross the border. Your job as a translator had involved spending a lot of time in Mexico, helping interview witnesses and family members who didn’t speak English.

The FBI involvement had come when women believed to have been part of the trafficking ring started turning up dead.

At last count they were up to twenty bodies. The Behavioural Analyst Unit had given their profile of the man they believed to be running the show.

White male in his mid to late forties. Bilingual. Possibly born in Mexico or an area surrounding the border but grew up in DC, they assumed based on his knowledge of the area. He’s attractive, charming and has a good level of education, he’d need to be able to charm the women into trusting him. He doesn’t have a full time job because he wouldn’t have time for one. All his time and focus goes on his girls. He was tech savvy, incredibly so, he’d have to be, to be able to set up the network on the dark web which enabled his customers to pay for his services.

It hadn’t been going well. Bodies kept dropping and the task force was no closer to catching the person responsible.

This went on for six months. Everyone was exhausted. You kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. It was demoralising.

Your boss had called for mandated time off. You’d all argued but she had been absolutely adamant. You’d all been working yourselves to the bone and she didn’t want you burnt out entirely.

You’d argued but your words had fallen on deaf ears.

“Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

The voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see the lanky, messy haired agent who called himself Doctor Reid, sticking his head through the door.

“Is coffee an option?”

He smiled brightly at you, a smile you swear you’ve seen before.

“Coffee is always an option.” He told you. “How do you take it?”

“Strong and black. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

With that the door closed leaving you to your thoughts once more.

There was something so familiar about the Doctor. His dark yet sparkling eyes, his awkward smile and the way he dressed. You couldn’t place it. But there was definitely something about him that stirred some memory buried deep in your brain. You just weren’t sure what it was.

He returned a few minutes later, bringing your coffee into the room and placing it on the table in front of you.

“Hopefully you won’t be stuck here too much longer. It’s just standard procedure.” he spoke sweetly, his voice stirring the hidden memory.

“Yeah I know. I get it.” you sighed as you spoke, wrapping your hands around the coffee. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled before he started backing out of the room. You wished you could ask him to stay because you felt so much more at ease with him around. But you knew you couldn’t.

He turned to you in the doorway.

“You look cold in that.” He smiled a little sadly at you.

You’d forgotten about your outfit choice. No self respecting CIA agent dressed like you were right now.

“I guess I am a little.” You shrugged.

Spencer instantly shrugged his blazer off of his shoulders and laid it in front of you on the table.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.” you spoke again before he disappeared out the door.

“Goodbye Agent Y/L/N.”

The door closed, his voice reverberating in your ears, dragging you into a long forgotten memory.

As you slipped his jacket on, your eyes fluttered closed, his scent wafting up your nose.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your eyes shot back open, a frown on your face.

“Spencer?” you muttered under your breath. “Spencer Reid.”

Where had you pulled that name from? And why did it feel oddly connected to Vegas?

You tried to push the thought away, you already had enough on your mind. There were much more pressing things to deal with than a vague memory from your hometown an undetermined amount of time ago.

***

You’d been instructed to switch off. Your time off should be used to recoup, relax and not to think about the case.

Easier said than done you thought.

Before you’d left the office on your mandated leave you’d taken photocopies of some files and slipped them into your bag. You knew you’d be in trouble if you were caught but you couldn’t help yourself. You wouldn’t be able to relax with this case still open.

As far as you were aware the BAU was still working on it but it provided you little comfort. In your time with the CIA you’d never gotten to be involved so heavily in a case. Your skills were mostly utilised in interview capacities and then you were sidelined.

You’d never had the privilege to work on a joint task force or investigate a crime so brutal.

You felt personally invested in this case. You thought if you could just find that one missing puzzle piece you could crack this case wide open.

And then you’d found it. The golden ticket. The smoking gun. The missing piece.

It had taken five days of your leave and copious amounts of coffee but you’d connected the dots no one else had.

You knew how to draw the unsub out. And you were going to do it tonight.

***

“Let’s start again from the beginning shall we?” Agent Rossi linked his fingers together on top of the table as he looked across at you, still slowly sipping your coffee.

“Oh goody.” You sighed. “Could Agent Jareau not fill you in what I’ve already told her?”

“Humour me.” The old man shrugged.

You didn’t have any ill will against him. Far from it. You were actually a big fan of David Rossi. But you were sick and tired of being treated like a criminal.

“Tell me how you managed to work out how to find him.”

You took another long sip of the coffee.

“All the pieces were there, they just hadn’t been put into place.”

“And how did you piece them together?”

“There was a pattern to where the women had been last seen. It was a guess more than anything. A lucky guess.”

“And the pattern was?”

You sighed in frustration.

“As I told agent Jareau,” you sipped your coffee. “The bars they were last seen in all had ties to Mexico. I’m not a native to DC but I know the area like the back of my hand. They were all either Mexican owned, had a Mexican name or were previously establishments such as Mexican restaurants. I made an educated guess that he frequented places such as these looking for his targets. I just got lucky I picked the right one.”

***

You felt incredibly exposed, but you supposed that was the point.

If you were going to get this guy's attention, you had to do this right.

It was a long shot. Just because Western’s bar was known for its famous tacos did not mean it would be the place he chose to pick up girls.

You just had to hope.

You wore a skimpy skirt that barely covered your ass, knee high boots and a crop top that accentuated your assets.

Your firearm was hidden in your left boot.

Your outfit garnered a lot of looks as you headed through Westerns towards the bar.

You felt men’s eyes on you from every angle, making you feel extremely self conscious. But you needed to keep your cool, exude confidence.

If your guy was here he needed to see you shine.

You ordered a soda to keep your head clear and sat at a table over the far side of the bar. From there you had a good view of the entrance and most of the room. And more importantly, the room had a view of you.

Three hours you sat there nursing your soda. It was a huge stab in the dark, you weren’t really surprised.

You finished your drink and headed out onto the cool DC street.

You made it five steps before you felt a presence behind you.

Just as you were about to turn, something covered your mouth.

You struggled against a pair of strong arms.

A smell wafted up your nose seconds before you lost consciousness.

Chloroform.

***

“Why didn’t you tell your unit chief before you went in?”

“Because I thought it was a long shot.” And because she would have been furious I was working the case.

“So you chose to use yourself as bait?”

“Yes.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

“Do you know how dangerous that could have been?” Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

You had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yes agent Rossi, I’m well aware. But I had a lead and I wasn’t going to ignore it.” You pulled Doctor Reid’s jacket tighter around your scantily clad body.

You caught his scent again. Coffee. Old books. A hint of peppermint.

Another long shut off memory wormed it’s way to the surface.

“So are you here visiting someone?”

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “My mom.”

“Oh.” He returned your sad smile. “Me too.”

“Agent Y/L/N?”

You were brought back by Rossi’s concerned voice.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened next? You were chloroformed and then what?”

You shook your head, your mind clouded.

“Can we take a break? I could really use some air.”

Rossi sighed with a small nod.

He stood from his chair and motioned you to follow him.

You got some odd looks from his fellow agents as he led you to the elevators. They all recognised what you were wearing as Spencer’s jacket.

You followed Rossi into the elevator and he pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Agent Rossi, can I ask you a strange question?” You asked as the doors closed.

He gave you a curious look.

“I suppose.”

“Doctor Reid. As in Spencer Reid?”

“The one and only.” Rossi frowned unsure what you were getting at.

“Where is he from?”

Rossi’s frown deepened, not sure he should tell you such things about his team. But you were an agent and you didn’t pose a threat to the team.

“Vegas I believe.”

Vegas. Of course.

“Ok.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” You chewed your lip. “I think I might have known him.”

“Oh?”

You wished you hadn’t opened your mouth. This was not the time or place.

“I’m probably wrong. Just forget I said anything.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. As you stepped out you pulled Spencer’s collar to your nose and sniffed it.

No you weren’t wrong.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Hi again.” You smiled at the lanky man, Spencer you’d met a few days ago. “How’s your mom?”

“Still angry at me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stubbed the toe of his shoe on the floor.

“She came in recently?”

“Yeah a few months ago. I turned eighteen and I was able to have her put into care.” He blanched, clearly feeling guilty for his decision.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“Uhm sure.” He shrugged.

He followed you through to the day room. It was late and there were only a few patients inside and a few nurses milling around.

You got two cups of coffee from the machine and the two of you sat at a table together.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong with your mom?” You dared as you slid him the drink.

He sighed heavily, gnawing on his bottom lip as though his life depended on it.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic.” He spoke clinically, words he’d had to say too many times in his life. It was as though he’d distanced himself from it. Like he was giving a patient a diagnosis rather than talking about his own mother.

“Mine too.” You gave him a wry smile. You had something in common, just not something you would like to have in common.

“How long has your mom been here?”

“Three years. She got really bad and my dad couldn’t take care of her anymore. She’s been doing much better since she moved in here.”

“That’s good.” Spencer nodded. “I hope my mom realises I did this for her. For her well being. At the moment she’s just so...angry.”

You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. He seemed a little startled by the physical touch but you didn’t move your hand.

“This is the best place for her. I assume from what you said earlier your dad isn’t in the picture?”

He used his free hand to sip his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

“He left when I was ten. He couldn’t handle mom's illness.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to have to look after her by yourself. It was hard enough with my dad there. Really makes you grow up fast.”

“It really does.” He agreed. “I’m not sure I ever got to be a kid.”

“I know that feeling.”

After that you spent hours chatting about anything and everything until way into the night. It wasn’t until a nurse came and asked you politely to leave that you realised how late it was.

“I’ll probably see you around?” You spoke as you stepped outside together.

“Maybe. In a few weeks I’m heading out of state. I’m working on a PhD.” He didn’t want to tell you it was actually his second PhD.

“Oh. Ok.” You tried to hide the disappointment from your voice.

Despite the circumstances you’d enjoyed talking to someone like minded, someone who understood. You didn’t have anyone else your own age you could talk to about this kind of thing.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” You blushed a little.

“I don’t have a cellphone.” He shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s not an excuse.” He sensed you didn’t believe him. “I’m not so into technology. I don’t even have email.”

Normally you would have thought it was just a bad excuse to get out of seeing you again but the look on Spencer’s face told you he was being genuine.

“Ok.” You gave him a shy smile. “Well maybe I’ll see you again before you leave.”

“I hope so.” His eyes sparkled as he looked at you on the dark street.

There was an air between you, some kind of thick tension but you didn’t know what it meant.

“If I don’t see you again,” you spoke trying to ignore whatever it was. “It was really good to meet you and I hope your mom gets used to the facility.”

“You too.” He smiled so genuinely at you, it made your heart skip a beat.

And then you went your separate ways.

***

“Ok, so what happened next?” Rossi wasted no time once you were back in the interrogation room.

“Well I blacked out after I was chloroformed so excuse me if I don’t remember.” You gave him a sarcastic smile.

“What’s the next thing you do remember?” He reworded his question.

“I woke up in a large basement. It was gritty and dingy. And there were other women there too.”

“How many?”

“At least twenty.” You sighed letting your mind travel back to the basement you never wanted to go back to. Not even in your mind.

***

You woke with a start, your head pounding. You gasped for air as though you’d been drowning.

You blinked your eyes trying to adjust to the dark room you found yourself in.

It was cold and damp and you could hear a pipe dripping in the distance.

You tried to roll over but your arm wouldn’t budge. You were met by a loud clanking sound when you tried.

You tugged your arm, hearing the same sound and being met with a sharp pain in your wrist.

“Good luck.” A woman’s voice scoffed. “They don’t come loose.”

You blinked a few more times, looking over to your left arm. There was a heavy metal cuff right around your wrist that was attached to a metal bed frame.

That’s when you realised you were laying on a small cot on top of a ratty, itchy blanket. You were still dressed, thank god.

You suddenly remembered your firearm concealed in your boot. You patted your left calf and sure enough you felt the hard weapon still inside.

That was something at least.

Oversight on their part.

You remembered the voice you’d heard before and turned as much as you could with your arm cuffed to take in the rest of the room.

There were at least forty other cots close together lining the walls, with at least half of them containing the body of other women.

The voice you’d heard belonged to a woman in the cot next to you. She gave you a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Her eyes were broken.

“Hi,” you croaked. “I’m Y/N.”

“Delilah.” Her accent was Spanish. You were sure Delilah wasn’t her real name either.

“How long have you been here?”

She sighed, playing with a strand of curly black hair.

“What month is it?”

“September.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Not that long then. I’ve been here since July.” She looked confused as though that couldn’t be long enough.

“Delilah?” You narrowed your eyes on her. “What year do you think it is?”

“2018…” she saw your face drop and knew instantly it was no longer 2018.

“Oh gosh.” You felt for her, tears welling in your eyes. “It’s 2020.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Wow.”

“It’s ok.” You lowered your voice. “I’m CIA. I’m going to get us out of here. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

***

“Delilah.” Rossi opened the file in front of him. “Was that Roberta Suez?”

He pulled out a photograph and slid it across the table. You averted your gaze.

“Yes and please I don’t need to see it, I was there.”

“How did she end up in hospital fighting for her life?”

“You know how.” You huffed. “Look I’m starting to get fed up with this now.” You folded your arms. “Carlos Ramirez was a sick son of a bitch. If I hadn’t done what I did he would have killed all those women. I don’t regret what I did.”

“How did she end up in hospital?” He repeated.

“Good lord.” You grumbled. “I’ll talk but I don’t want to talk to you.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes on you.

“No? But I’m so compassionate.” He spoke sarcastically.

“I won’t say another word unless it’s to Reid.” You looked up to the two way mirror. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling he was there.

Sure enough it was barely twenty seconds before the door opened and Doctor Reid himself stepped in the room.

“I got this Rossi.” Spencer told the older man who stood up with a shrug.

Rossi left the room while Spencer took the seat he’d been occupying.

Did he remember you? It had been close to twenty years since you’d last seen each other. Had it not been for the olfactory memory that struck you when you put on his jacket you might never have remembered him.

But you knew the rest of his team was behind the two way glass, or at least some of them were so it didn’t seem an appropriate time to ask such things.

“So agent Y/L/N,” he smiled softly at you. “Can you please tell me how Delilah ended up in hospital?”

“You already know the answer to that Doctor but since you asked so nicely,” you leant your elbows on the table, entwined your fingers and rested your chin the little bridge you’d created. “She had a drug overdose. But you and I both know it wasn’t her who administered the drugs.”

“And who did?”

“I did.”

Your words hung in the air between you and Spencer. He knew the answer, the whole team did. You’d already told Agent Jareau everything.

This was a huge waste of time.

“I administered the drugs because he told me if I didn’t he would kill me. I needed to stay alive so I could save those women.”

“Who said he would kill you?”

“I don’t know his name.”

“It wasn’t Ramirez?”

“No.” You shook your head. “If it was Ramirez I would have shot him. But it must have been one of his right hand men.”

“How would you know that? You’d never met Ramirez correct?” Spencer had a soft tone to his voice which made his line of questioning easier than Agent Jareau’s.

“I’m not a profiler but I’ve been to enough seminars over the years. He didn’t fit the bill. He was young, scatty, he didn’t strike as much fear into the other women as I thought the boss would. I made an educated guess and I was right. If I’d shot at him I would have blown my chance at getting Ramirez.”

***

“Shit shit shit!” You pulled yourself as close to Delilah’s cot as possible with your restraint. “Delilah, keep breathing, try to breath. Fuck I am sorry.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, the empty needle you’d been made to inject in her vein between your cots on the floor.

He’d held a gun to your head and said he would shoot you if you didn’t do it. You didn’t think he was bluffing.

“It happens a lot.” A woman opposite spoke up. “You’ll soon find out. If she wakes up she’ll have the pleasure of returning the favour.” She gave you an almost manic grin.

If she wakes up. It was the if you were having the issue with.

“Who’s in charge around here?”

She shrugged.

“Don’t know his name. Big guy. Tattoos. Mustache. You can’t miss him.”

“Does he come down here often?”

Again she shrugged.

“Being down here you have a way of losing track of time.” She clicked her tongue. “But he’ll be here for you later. He has to test his new girls.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Test?” You swallowed, pretty sure you knew what she meant.

“He can’t very well expect you to make him money if he doesn’t know how good you are.”

Oh god.

Your heartbeat raced. No, it was not going to come to that. You were a CIA agent and you were armed.

It was not going to come to that.

***

Spencer’s face paled a little at your words. You hadn’t told Agent Jareau that part.

“He was going to...he didn’t…”

“No.” You cut him off, pushing the memory back down. “I had a gun, remember.”

You offered him a wry smile.

“So you know what comes next.”

“I’d like you to tell me.”

The way he said it was more like he was a therapist than an FBI agent. As though he wanted you to tell him so you could get it off your chest, unburden yourself, rather than for interrogation purposes.

“Ok.” You nodded. “He came for me later that night. And that’s when it happened.”

***

“Ahh look at you.”

A deep, Spanish voice woke you.

Your eyes fluttered open and landed on a strong, tattooed man with a mustache standing over your cot.

This must be him.

“Tan hermosa.”

So beautiful.

You tried not to shudder.

You sat up wiggling your legs in your boots to make sure you could still feel your firearm. You could.

“Su nombre es Rosa.”

Your name is Rosa.

Guess again.

“Su nombre es Y/N.”

“Tú hablas español?”

You speak Spanish?

“Si.”

“Eres perfecta.” He grinned menacingly. “My clients will love you.”

He reached in his pocket and fished out a key chain. He reached over you and unlocked your cuff.

You rolled your wrist to try and get your blood circulating again.

“On your feet.”

You complied and stood up. Your legs were shaky.

He grasped your wrist, hard enough so you couldn’t wriggle free but not hard enough to leave a mark. He started dragging you across the room.

With his free hand he undid the four locks on the large steel door and pulled your through it. Once on the other side he took care to lock them all again, keeping a firm grasp on you the whole time.

You were dragged down a long, narrow corridor towards another steel door, this one with just one lock on.

He slid the key in and opened it, pulled you inside and locked it behind him.

The room was much smaller than the one you’d been held in and only housed a single cot.

He licked his lip as he looked at you. His large, thick fingers stroked your cheek and you had to try and hide your disgust.

“En la cama. Ahora.”

On the bed. Now.

You had to pick the opportune moment. You had to plan this just right. You had no doubt he had a gun on him so if you faltered even slightly, he would kill you.

“Qué tal esto.”

How about this.

You made a show of licking your lips and then dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Whoa, feisty. I like it.” He grinned, his meaty hands going to his belt buckle.

Yes. Right where you wanted him.

While he was fumbling with his belt, you reached your hand back into your left boot, drawing your gun in one swift move.

You head butted him in the crotch, sending him stumbling backwards, crying out in pain.

“Mierda!” Shit. “Usted puta!”

You whore!

You were on your feet in a second, your gun trained on him.

“You will never hurt another woman again.” You spat, furious tears suddenly streaming from your eyes.

He looked up at you, his mouth opened to speak.

But the words didn’t come out as your bullet hit him between the eyes.

“Who’s the puta now?”

***

“I would say,” Spencer chewed his lip. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

“Thank you.” You smiled softly. “And I did. If I hadn’t shot him, who knows how many other women would have died.”

Spencer pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Just so you know, we got word from the hospital a little while ago. Roberta Suez, Delilah, is going to be just fine.”

“Oh thank god.” You felt tears brimming your eyes.

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“Are you coming?”

“I can leave?”

“You were never under arrest.” He smirked at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

You got up from the chair and Spencer motioned you out of the room.

“I’ll walk you out.” He showed you across the bullpen towards the elevators. There was an awkward air between the two of you.

Did you say anything? It didn’t seem as though he remembered you, was it worth reminding him?

He motioned you into the elevator first and he followed, pressing the button.

The elevator started its descent.

Time was running out.

“So uhm…” Spencer turned to you and turned too. “How’s your mom?”

A smile broke out on your features.

“I didn’t think you remembered me.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “I recognised you the second you walked in.”

“It’s been twenty years.” You laughed.

“Eighteen years, seven months.” He corrected you. “But I could never forget your face.”

You blushed a little, averting your gaze.

“My moms doing ok. Thanks for asking. How’s your mom?” You looked back at him.

“Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.” He told you sadly.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. These things happen.” He shrugged. “Made it to thirty without having a schizophrenic break but now I have to wait until I’m older to find out if I’ll develop Alzheimer’s.”

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped out, Spencer close behind.

“I really am sorry Spencer.”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Is your mom still at Bennington? I used to see her when I went to visit my mom but I moved her out a little while ago.”

“Yeah she’s still there. She likes being close to my dad.”

You both hovered by the exit, not ready to say goodbye.

“Can I take you for coffee? If you don’t have anywhere else to be.” Spencer blushed as he spoke.

“I’d like that. A lot actually. But I’d really like to shower and change out of this getup.” You laughed. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” He grinned at you.

You gave him a smile and turned to leave but before you made it to the door Spencer spoke again.

“Y/N,” he called your name, his voice cracking a little. “You uh...you forgot something.”

You turned to face him curiously.

He walked closer to you and without a second thought, placed his hands on your face and kissed you.

For a second you stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

But after a few moments you wrapped your arms around his neck and opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

When the kiss ended you were both smiling at one another.

“What was that for?” You asked softly.

“Oh you know…” he shrugged with a coy smile. “Just something that needed to be done.”

“I’ll meet you back here in a few hours.” You told him, touching his chest briefly.

“Ok.”

“Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.” He croaked.

And with that you sauntered out the doors but not out of his life.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Spencer?” You’d only made it a few paces away from Bennington before you stopped in your tracks, calling his name. “You uh...you forgot something.”

He turned to face you curiously.

You walked closer to him and without a second thought, placed your hands on his face and kissed him.

He stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

It was just a brief kiss, Spencer was too confused to do anything but stand there dumbly.

“Wh-what was that for?” He swallowed.

“Just something that needed to be done.” You smiled. “Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.”

And with that you sauntered back down the street, hoping that one day, the universe would lead you back into each other’s lives.

—————————————————————

Taglist (let me know if you would like to be added) -

@muffin-cup

@andiebeaword

@mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain

[uelden]

Vanity Fair interview translated

Just a side note before the actual translation; I don't know why, but instead of reporting the full questions and answers in full as she should, the journalist decided to report only summarized fragments of what Måneskin said and patch these fragments up into messy clusters. She also worded a couple phrases in a very confusing way (and yes, she's fully Italian). In short, she did quite a poor job, so the final shape of the interview is not that good. I didn't expect top-tier journalism from Vanity Fair but ffs. You'll see what I mean.

I translated it as it is, adding just a couple footnotes to give you insight on Italian pop culture references.

Translation under the cut

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

by Lavinia Farnese, 09 June 2021

"True justice is being judged for what you do and not for what you are." The ones who are convinced of this are Damiano, Victoria, Ethan and Thomas who, by being the emblem of a generation that is finally free, refuse labels and conformism. In life, in love and on the stage. Where, maybe precisely because of this, they're winning everything

With the still unexpected (first place at Sanremo Festival) and the incredible (triumph at Eurovision) in their eyes, Måneskin are on the sofa of the house-studio they rented - to resume writing songs and rehearsing them - like you are after a won battle: lying in a calm and unreal silence, alert and a bit irreverent, happy.

In the garden there's the tennis table and the pool, the light of summer when it's starting and calming the country all around, and it filters inside from the large windows, and it goes onto the shining black of Ethan's hair, which blends with Thomas' eye shadow and the butterfly he has tattooed oh his naked forearm, which completes the picture of Victoria's golden crucifix hanging between neck and tank top and ends on the black nail polish of Damiano's stretched hands.

It's a human fresco, a Theatre of wrath [translator's note: "Teatro d'ira"] - to call it with the title of their latest album, a platinum record already - where their flaunted 20 years of age, their irregular femininity and virility are grown into proud and challenging custom, a pop glam rock generational manifesto of hard-earned liberties in a finally-unconditional expression of the self.

To watch them from any angle and from another age is to think that a great love will be born in those who'll understand: this new way of being in the world, the true and sovereign realm they hold where "diversity=exceptionality", the power of the artistic and cultural revolution of which they are healthy carriers in establishing in all lyrics and gestures the right to live according to one's own nature past the "people (who) talk, the people (who) unfortunately talk, and don't know what the fuck they're talking about." [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

We go where we're afloat, where the air isn't gone. [tn: journalist's own variation on "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

Miley Cyrus says hi – The numbers of a phenomenon

"The streams of Zitti e buoni are growing by the second, and they bring us above Muse, at the top of English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. Followers almost tripled, in the post-Rotterdam period (from 1,4 to 3,3 millions, ed.) Contagious and universal folly: t-shirts and merchandising sold out in 10 minutes. Like the records, the tickets for a tour that keeps adding dates and expanding over geographic maps. They're contacting us even from some festivals were The Rolling Stones went." Thomas

"After the pretextual controversy over cocaine that France built against us, later disproven by my drug test, some graffiti popped up in Spain depicting me as a “No drugs” poster guy. Some tweets made us laugh: "Congratulations, Italy! I've never been more certain that four people have had sex with each other." Miley Cyrus started following us -You're great. -You guys are greater." Damiano

From the garage to the stars – Story of a flight

"It was only 2016, and we played in restaurants, in the streets, in via del Corso. Damiano without even a microphone, Thomas' guitar with wonky strings, Ethan was drumming on a cajón. During Rome highschools' sit-ins (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first confirmations and half-hours of celebrity, playing among those who criticized us and those who went "wow they're really cool." One of the rare times when they would have paid us – 50 euros each – we gave the money to the next band in the lineup so that they would make us play in their spot, later in the day, when there would have been more people. We had already realized how things worked. Visibility mattered more than money. And we still think that." Victoria

The intimacy of rock – Choice of a genre

"Music allows us the miracle of extending to others some very personal and private topics, sometimes even difficult and thorny ones. They are and they remain deeply your own, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage that is alike a delivery, they find a place in you as well, a processing of them. You overcome them, you accept them. One second it's something aggressive, the next it's a ballad. Cathartic». Damiano

Against panic – The stage as therapy

"I've suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it's an issue I've worked on thanks to a psychotherapy course, my friends and my family. Playing helped me in not letting myself be paralyzed by my fears, not making myself limited in my private and professional life. I've learned to accept, to live with this side of myself. I don't hide it. I don't feel ashamed of it." Victoria

Analysis as necessity – Relying on someone saves you

"This belief that only madmen go to the psychologist is a widespread ignorance. No-one's born learned. [tn: common Italian saying] And it's often hard to understand the very reason why we're here, let alone the origin and direction of our desires. It's a long and legitimate journey towards lucidity, a kind of backing to become transparent." Damiano

Being out of our minds – But different from them [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

"When you feel a strong passion towards something that is not a canonical job but an artistic language, that already puts you on a level of anomaly, which is not superior or inferior to other people, but it puts you in the position of the one who breaks the mold and also works at a loss, the one who sustains great risks while trying to do something that who knows if it will take you anywhere. "Why do it if it doesn't pay?". You want to give this dream of yours an aesthetic, but it becomes "You're dressing so weird! You must be gay!" - now that I'm 22 I laugh about it, but when I was 17 it had an effect on me, too." Damiano

The beauty of uniqueness – Of believing in it and defending it

"And I mean, at the end of the day if we're all different it's not because we want be alternative but because, really, no-one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty." Ethan

Fluid sexuality – Pride is freedom

"Heels for men that like themselves in them, kisses among ourselves, we have an open, extended mind, and we're proud of it. The horizons become vast, past the oppression of conservative families. With the information on the web knowledge becomes greater and with it the possibility that minorities will be less and less minorities, because the majority will be less of a majority. This way we'll make insults and bullying grow quieter. If social media get to a village of 50 souls and reveal to a girl who's afraid of the dark that someone has felt her same fear, then there's no reason to give a name to that fear, to mark it with labels which also limit and restrict. Definitions always had this effect on me. You shouldn't even consider the gender when judging someone, let alone their orientation." Victoria

Sexism – A culture to be dismantled

"Emma [tn: Emma Marrone, Italian singer] drops the bomb: “At Eurovision when I was there they massacred me for a pair of shorts, while they said nothing to Damiano – bare-chested and in heels.” The easy judgment against women is more fierce, constant, debasing (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool while Vic is a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader while Vic is despotic and a pain in the ass who reached success because she's hot.) As a male I'm privileged, the abuse I get is not comparable to those a woman has to live through, the comments over my aesthetic are centered only on my aesthetic and don't insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thought in a systematic way. It happened though to find myself standing with a woman who while pulling me to herself to take a selfie, started licking my face out of the blue... I mean, what the hell do you want? Who asked you? Consent exists, and it's due." Damiano

Grow yourself – The only commandment

"To me conformism is the opposite of education [tn: could also mean "politeness"] and is the asphyxia of expression. I fortunately never endured heavy bullying, heavy enough for the the judgement of others to change me. But the mold of the small crumbs of bullying I got and of the kind of aggression that scars is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and likes dolls you have to let me do what I like. I was a kid who wanted to keep his hair long and played with Barbie. As a teen, my friends looked at my hair: " You have to find a girl with short hair to be at your side." My grandparents took away my dolls: "Stop it, they're not for you." Ethan

"When I was six I was already sick of them, the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things that were typically defined as girly, and all around me they mocked me because I went skateboarding, I played soccer, I didn't wear skirts, I was giving myself the chance to be as I wished. I endured it a little, I suffered a little, but I had courage, and now thanks to that courage I know that I could have gotten even much more hurt, otherwise I would have left to others the most important choice: the one about myself." Victoria

Love in progress – Music, girlfriends

"I've been married to music for the last 20 years. I can't wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary." Ethan

"Everyone makes their own experiences, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes wrong, but it's always not anybody's business." Thomas

"When I first felt feelings and attraction towards a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage of going beyond the limitations I had put for myself. For society being heterosexual is the norm and so you often define yourself in that way automatically, depriving yourself of the freedom to live many shades and faces of love. Once I overcame the initial insecurity of having to call into question my certainties I've lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone." Victoria

"I had paparazzi at my door every day and night. So, after four years of relationship, I revealed her name. I still have paparazzi at my door every day and nigh, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore." Damiano

The worth of the group – Phenomenology of protection

"The true engagement though, the true family is among ourselves, our band. We've believed in it since day zero, even before we called ourselves Måneskin (Moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon on the flier for the first concert we ever did. We share everything, even the pain for the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because of racism. [tn: I think the journalist asked them their opinion about Seid Visin's death, which was a current events topic in Italy, and then pasted it syntaxically in the middle of Thomas' answer, which was not a great move] A group is what we all should be: stay united and not back down an inch in the face of oppression that is generated by a distorted view of diversity." Thomas

I'm not of the right age – Like Gigliola [tn: Gigliola Cinquetti won Eurovision with her song "Non ho l'età", which means "I'm not of the right age"]

"Before you the only one who won both Sanremo and Eurovision on the same year was Cinquetti (1964). If there's anything I feel I'm not of the right age for? No, honestly no. Maybe having children. Regarding children I'll be honest: I'm not of the right age." Damiano

Having touched the sky – The fears that remain

"We're more than inside the dream, we're in the conquered dream. When you fly high there's the risk of plummeting and hurting yourself, but we'll work hard not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - a bit pretentiously - reassures us rather than scaring us." Damiano

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Sole Crusher

Well... It's finally here... the episode introducing the new bee hero. And what do you know? It looks like I was right about how the new character would be portrayed.

It's kind of funny how I made predictions exaggerating what could happen, and they were surprisingly accurate. Isn't that funny?

Let's just get into the seventh (chronologically the seventh and the seventh episode in the season to air after “Mr. Pigeon 72”) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Sole Crusher. Damn, I hate that a pun this clever was used for the title.

We get to the point pretty quickly with the first scene being Zoe arriving in Paris and getting a tour of the city. She asks to stop at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, where she meets Marinette through some brief Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. The two quickly strike up a conversation.

I mean, it's not like Zoe is the sister of the absolute worst human being in existence, right?

Marinette compliments Zoe's shoes, and she points out that she designed them herself, and wrote every good thing anyone has ever said to her on them. But because she only has one friend, there's only a standard “I <3 U” on the left shoe.

So Zoe leaves the bakery and heads to Le Grand Paris where she meets her mother, Audrey. Unlike how she talked with Marinette, Zoe pretends to be just as snobby as Audrey in order to fit in. She then meets up with Chloe, who criticizes her for having poor person things like a phone without any diamonds embedded in it. And then she sees Zoe's shoes.

Look, that meme was already dated when it was referenced in Black Panther three years ago. Please don't try to reference memes in 2021, Miraculous Ladybug.

Chloe offers some golden heels while saying that those kind of shoes are for winners to wear and crush the losers underneath. This is the only episode to mention this kind of ideology, and believe me, it gets worse when Chloe decides to teach Zoe how to be like her.

Get used to this. This episode is all about demolishing any semblance of likability in Chloe's character. Now that Astruc doesn't have to bother with writing Chloe with decency since she's not Queen Bee, watch as he turns her into an absolute caricature of her former self.

Yes, Chloe has ordered her father to give her a lot of frivolous things in the past, but she has been shown to care about him, like immediately rushing to hug him after she was safe in “Origins” and showing concern for when he was akumatized into Malediktator while apologizing for causing it. For the love of God, one of the first things she did when she allied with Hawkmoth at the end of Season 3 was to have him unto her parents' akumatization. I guess she only cared about her rich parents for their status and not because she actually loved them right?

Next up on the list of Chloe's positive qualities to ruin is her friendship with Sabrina.

🎶It's seven o'clock in the morning🎶 🎶I can't believe they made this scene🎶 🎶With the writing Astruc's enforcing🎶 🎶It's like he's trying to piss off me🎶

Yep, Chloe doesn't view Sabrina in a twisted view of friendship anymore. Now she's a slave. I'm not exaggerating by the way, he actually said that in a tweet.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Okay, so I guess all those times we saw Chloe playing superheroes with Sabrina in “Antibug” and “Miraculer” were just a slave driver playing with their property. Actually apologizing to Sabrina for getting her akumatized in those episodes? Protecting her from the Scarlet Akumas in “Ladybug”? She was just interested in keeping her slave around. I think Astruc may have slept through the slavery unit in his history class. Yes, Sabrina was mostly used as a joke to show how controlling Chloe could be, but there were still semblances of an actual friendship between the two.

Chloe arrives at school and introduces Zoe as her half-sister, despite being the same age and having the same mother. Because I guess we can add basic biology to the list of things the writers don't understand. Now that we're at school, Chloe's friendship with Adrien is next up on the chopping block.

Yep, despite being Adrien's only friend and making a big deal about valuing his friendship to the point where she threw a big party just to make sure he wouldn't leave her and risked cooperating with an Akuma to save him, now Chloe just sees Adrien as a rich meal ticket. Two of the earliest episodes to show Chloe had a more compassionate side to her, and they just undid them. Even as much as I hated the episode, “Felix” showed Chloe was willing to cooperate with Marinette and her friends just to find a way to cheer Adrien up on the anniversary of his mother's not-death.

For the love of God, Astruc, 1984 was supposed to warn people about what could happen if they rewrote the past, not encourage people to rewrite the past. He probably finished Animal Farm thinking Snowball really did work alongside the humans, didn't he?

Marinette comes up and Zoe pretends to hate her, leading Marinette to wonder why she did that. She texts Zoe (she gave her number to her earlier) and invites her to a concert on the Liberty, but Chloe finds out. Zoe thinks fast and pretends it's just so she can torment her more. Chloe then takes out a book listing all the ways she can torture Marinette. I wonder if this is a metaphor for the writing process behind most of the episodes last season.

Zoe decides to go outside for some fresh air, and Andre comforts her. Funny how Andre bends over backwards to give Chloe whatever she wants, yet he's willing to actually talk to Zoe like an actual parent. Andre tries to cheer Zoe up, but she talks about her past where she had to put on an act so she would be liked, but (bet you've never heard this before) she just wants to be accepted for who she truly is. The surge of emotions is enough for Shadowmoth to akumatize her into Sole Crusher.

In addition to having one of the most clever puns for an Akuma name, I actually like Sole Crusher's design. Not only is it a good excuse to reuse Chloe's character design, it makes sense thematically, as Chloe was trying to mold Zoe into a copy of herself. The gold and diamonds also make sense given Chloe's love for shiny things. Her powers tie into the bizarre belief Chloe has about stepping on the winners. Whenever Sole Crusher kicks or steps on someone, she absorbs them and gets progressively bigger, making it easier to do so. While it's not cracking my top ten anytime soon, it's still an interesting character design.

Sole Crusher heads to the hotel to get Chloe, and she manages to get away pretty quickly. Maybe in an alternate universe, she's a track star? For some reason, she runs to the Dupain-Cheng bakery and then... Oh my God... pushes Marinette's parents so they get absorbed by Sole Crusher, before trying to do the same with Marinette.

When has Chloe ever done something like that? Whenever she endangered someone during an Akuma attack, it was unintentional or a result of her naivety. She was only trapped in Pixelator's dimension because Adrien tried diving to save her, she only alerted Rogercop to Ladybug's presence because she eagerly called out for her, and during “Zombizou” she only tried to throw Sabrina towards the horde of kissing zombies once, and that was meant to highlight her growth. The only person to actually do stuff like this consistently is Lila, but I guess she got vaporized by Big Brother offscreen.

This episode is determined to make the audience hate Chloe by retconning everything about her character while portraying her as a complete monster. As bad as Chloe could get, she was never selfish enough to use anyone as a human shield. This kind of behavior honestly could be explained by saying Chloe was lashing out as a result of losing the Bee Miraculous permanently, but the events of the Season 3 finale aren't mentioned ONCE, not even in the next episode that introduces Queen Bee's replacement! How the hell can you set up the next Bee hero without explaining why the original needs to be replaced in the first place?! And trust me, I'm going to talk about Zoe replacing Chloe later.

Sole Crusher grabs Marinette in her hand, so the Horse Kwami, Kaalki, uses her power to teleport over to Adrien's house and inform him Ladybug needs help, meaning once again Adrien did nothing in this episode before becoming Cat Noir.

At the Liberty, Chloe offers more victims to Sole Crusher in the form of the band Kitty Section (consisting of Luka, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene) and theatens the giant golden supervillain she can send her back to Paris, even though she's really not in a position to bargain right now. And she STILL continues to insult her. Do you hate Chloe yet? Come on, do you? The writers won't stop until you do.

After we see Sole Crusher's conflicted emotions, Marinette is set free by Cat Noir and transforms into Ladybug, immediately summoning her Lucky Charm, a shoehorn. They only learn Zoe's sneakers were where she were akumatized thanks to Chloe's ranting, so the episode unintentionally made Chloe save the day. Ladybug breaks into Le Grand Paris and breaks the sneakers where Zoe hid them, using the shoehorn to open a door. So Sole Crusher is de-evilized, Ladybug fixes the damage, and gives yet another charm to Zoe.

Afterwards, Zoe goes to the Liberty, apologizes for the act she put on, all while divulging to the audience her “tragic backstory”.

Of course, everyone welcomes her with open arms.

And right here is where the biggest problem I have with Zoe as a character. I normally hesitate to use this term given how often it gets thrown around when criticizing characters these days, but I really can't say anything else.

Zoe... is a Mary Sue.

For those who don't know, the term Mary Sue originated in a Star Trek fanfiction from 1973 satirizing several self-insert stories at the time. Most of these stories showed a beautiful young woman joining the crew of the Enterprise and immediately gaining the attention of the crew. Mary Sue parodied this character archetype by showing how much she was appreciated by Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the latter being driven to tears at her funeral despite his species being emotionless normally.

What does this have to do with Zoe? She has the exact same storyline as Mary Sue in the parody fanfiction. Her mere presence is enough to make Chloe act extremely out of character in an attempt to make her look better, and as soon as she apologizes while giving a frankly vague backstory, everyone just accepts her as their friend, and I mean everyone in the entire class. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel earned. Why was she bullied at her old school? What did her bullies have against her? What caused her to stop going along with her peers, and why did everyone turn against her? How the hell did the bullies who put cockroaches in another student's locker get no punishment while the victim was forced to transfer schools? It's an intentionally unclear backstory designed to make the audience feel sympathetic towards Zoe without actually doing anything else.

I want to ask anyone reading this who watched the episode a question: Outside of her backstory, what do we actually know about Zoe?

What is her personality like? She's nice? Socially awkward? We've never had a character like that in Miraculous Ladybug before! Sorry Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylene, and Marc, there's a new character with more personality than all of you combined!

What are her goals? She wants to be an actress? Great, but why? Even though there's no clear answer for why Marinette loves fashion, or why Alya loves journalism, or why Nino loves DJing, you can still see the passion in their lives when they do something related to their goals. Zoe only says she wants to be an actress, connecting it to her people pleaser backstory (and given how it ended, she must be a terrible actress), and in the next episode, she immediately gets the lead role in a student film.

When Mylene got the starring role in the movie in “Horrificator”, we at least got snippets of her acting skills in the same episode that established her desire to be an actress, which is also implied to be because she was inspired by her father in “The Mime”. She didn't just say she wanted to be an actress and got the leading role. She still had problems to overcome like her cowardice, which threw her own self-confidence into doubt. Here, Zoe just says she wants to be an actress, and is rewarded for no reason the very next episode.

Zoe basically exists only to be a foil to Chloe, and the writers had no idea what to do in terms of a personality, so they just dumped a bunch of extremely likable character traits onto her without thinking of how her character could come off. And like I said, she's a Mary Sue.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. I've seen a handful of posts on this very site calling Zoe a Mary Sue. In fact, I even asked another Tumblr user @anxresi​ to quote their take on Zoe being a Mary Sue, which I couldn't even top in terms of accuracy. They basically listed off five things that made Zoe a Mary Sue.

She has to have a ‘tragic backstory’ so all the other characters will fall in love with her. Usually within minutes, in the very first episode they’re introduced.

She has to have a supercute design so that the audience at home will fall in love with her. And if they don’t, they’re automatically dismissed as ‘haterz’ even if their objections are purely from a writing POV.

Her only flaw will be thinking too little of herself. “What, lil ol’ me as the Bee Miraculous holder? With my shyness, colorful shoes, chic beret and personalized pink strip in my hair? Gosh, who’d have thought it?”

The contrast to her half-sister will be a constant plot point, with Chloe always getting dumped on. “You see, kids? Bad things happen to bad people. But you see this super-sweet girl over here? She gets a free DAD. Instant FRIENDS. To star in her own MOVIE. The chance to be a SUPERHERO, even though she only arrived last week. Who cares if she has no depth, no personality and barely any reason for being in the show, apart from being a massive ‘Up Yours’ to all the Chloe fans out there?”

What about character development, Mr Generic Zag Guy? “Development? What’s that?! Zoe is already perfect as she is. The only ‘development’ she’ll receive is having her hair done in the first episode she’s introduced. Besides, That‘d’ word is banned here at Zag studios. Why do you think we abandoned Chloe’s stillborn arc so quickly? This is a KIDS show, why bother trying to create a complex character with more than one dimension?”

This is essentially who Zoe is. She's perfect, has no character flaws, has a cute design so the audience will love her already, and was designed only to replace Chloe as Queen Bee. That's all she is.

So the episode ends with Zoe feeling happy at all the new friends she made while we get one of the most blatant attempts of symbolism in the ending card I've ever seen.

See, look. While Marinette is happily talking with Zoe with the image of Ladybug next to them, Chloe is to the far left with an EVIL purple aura, showing how bad she is compared to how great Zoe is. Only a braindead moron would actually like Chloe over the super awesome and pretty Zoe!

I'll give my final thoughts on the episode in the next part where I analyze this plotline as a whole.

LINK TO “QUEEN BANANA” REVIEW

[thearchvillain]

of horsefairs and maidens. part 2

nikolai lantsov x reader

link to part 1

summary: The moonless, warm summer night has stretched itself across Caryeva and the duke’s estate where a grand dinner is held in the gardens, in honour of both the horse fair and the princes’ visitation. Nikolai has found himself sat across the table from his brother and both the girl with the broken horse and her father, restrained to only occasional glances and the agitation that simmers beneath his skin, amplifying every time he catches her eyes. It’s all he can do to remain in his seat, even as they leave for the evening at Razumov’s, even as the night drags on - at least until the late hours of the night, too late for sensible decisions.

Nikolai smirked at her, as if to alleviate the seriousness of her warning, "Do you take me for anything less than a gentleman? And here I was thinking I had you charmed Irina, you break my heart. We were just talking."

But Irina didn't look concerned, only amusement lined her features as she sipped her drink, and a bit of motherly sympathy, "Oh my dear prince, you have us all smitten, but it's not her I'm worried about.", she twisted in her seat, to call for a waiter, and said over her shoulder, "And hasn't your mother taught you - nothing's quite as dangerous as talking to a girl like her."

word count: 2.9k

warnings: mentions of alcohol

A/N: well, apparently, this will not be a two parter... i’d claim i was shocked if i wasn’t used to myself going overboard the moment i get hooked on writing the characters ._. i’ve got part 3 down on the paper already (or a word document, but paper sounds more romantic) and it’s 100% focused on their interaction. in this one i really wanted to focus on building up the tension so there’s a lot of Nikolai’s thoughts and frustrations in here, glances cast and warnings given, the whole shebang  i really hope you like it, even if it’s kinda lacking in direct interaction for the sake of angst, and once again i want to thank everyone who commented and was so sweet and kind i had no other choice than to rush back excitedly and write my heart out <3 you’re the best! 

The dinner was an intricate display of wealth, as grand and carefully arranged as the jewels of a vain woman. One without an ounce of style anyway. The long tables were laden with complicated food, even the ones away from the main table that was orbited by the wealthy, to show off the generosity of the host. He'd even heard his brother say, as a compliment no less, that it seemed even the dogs here ate well. Clearly, he'd wanted to say, since you're here with your plate filled to the brim, brother. 

Now the porcelain plate sat before him, the food half-eaten and the glass of finest red wine all finished, as he listened to the war stories offered up to him by an old man with a hefty silver-streaked beard and heftier rosy cheeks, coloured by what must have been a fourth glass of wine. Nikolai would pop into the conversation here and there, if only to show he was paying attention, though he knew well enough that people never really wanted to listen, only to be heard.

"Tell me about your daughter - Alyona, is it?" 

The man reeled for a moment, his moustache shifting as he tried to remain dignified while choking on a sip of wine, as dignified as a startled walrus anyway. "You know of my daughter, your highness? Irina--", he turned to his wife at this, near breathless, "Did you hear that? He asked about Alyona!" 

The old lady had the common sense not to egg him on too much, only smile and nod as if she knew matching his excitement would mean a definitive death by boredom for Nikolai. And he was thankful for that.

But to be fair, Nikolai hadn't really known of Alyona, only heard her name from the girl with the broken horse when she passed by him in between meal courses, stopping only to cast a glance towards the old general and say, "Ask him about his daughter, Alyona - Saints forbid you ever require it, but he'll raise an entire army for you just for that little bit of kindness. He's very fond of her." 

"Is she pretty?", he didn't want to seem like a liar if that was what he complimented the daughter on instead of her smarts, or talent for music. 

The girl had raised an eyebrow, then looked back at him, "Does it matter? Fathers like him always think their girls are the prettiest. They're not wrong."

He'd wanted to stop her then, to ask her about the general's wife, or his dog, or anything really - and it would've been as easy as reaching out to take her wrist in his hand, had she not slipped back into the crowd and disappeared as quickly as she'd appeared by his side. 

Now he took his glass of wine, filled once again by one of the waiters, and held that instead, his eyes wandering across the table to where his brother sat, red-cheeked and rowdy. She was sat next to him, straight-backed and so still Nikolai thought she might have been a vision or a sculpture wrought in alabaster had the light evening wind not stirred the sheer silk of her gown and made it all come alive. It fell in rich waves off her shoulders, plentiful, but not plentiful enough to hide the gentle slope of her neck where it dipped to her chest, interrupted only by a fine necklace of tiny emeralds, or the wrists that glided through the motions as she picked at the food. 

The wine had made him too unwilling to look away, and he'd nearly caught his brother's eyes over the rim of his glass, so now he had to drag his gaze back to the general, who was near breathless talking about Alyona's adventures with the pony he bought for her. 

"...and I told Irina, no man of sound mind would let his little girl on that beast."

The beast being a pony, Nikolai supposed. 

"Did you think she would just pet it? It's not a cat.", this was the wife, sounding tired in a way only a woman who'd heard this story a million times and still thought it stupid, could. 

"You should've at least let me call Orlov's girl, I swear that creature was born on the damn horse! That form! We could've used her in the cavalry!"

"That poor thing's got enough on her mind with a father like that, and for Saint's sake stop recruiting people at dinner parties."

This time Nikolai interrupted, however riveting this exchange was, "The Orlov's girl?" 

Irina cast him a surprised glance, "Yes, that pretty thing with your highness' brother? I thought you met her." 

Now Nikolai had an actual excuse to look her away, and he wasn't about to throw it away. This time, she had her hands folded in her lap and Vasily at her ear speaking something delightfully stupid, no doubt. Nikolai watched her drag her teeth across her lower lip, still so mesmerized by the way it popped back into place that he was near startled when her eyes slipped straight to him. 

She did not smile. But maybe that was for the better because even from across the table he could see the muscles in her cheek twitch, as if she was dragging the corners of her lips down with the sheer force of will, not quite as restrained as she'd hoped to be. He realised she was trying not to smile, and somehow that made his mind reel more than any unbridled grin a girl at this table could've offered him. She downcast her eyes, lashes brushing against her cheek as she busied herself with the bracelet on her wrist, and Nikolai sipped his wine to drive away the urge to keep staring, to keep trying to provoke her until she could not hold that smirk back.

But then Vasily brushed the stray lock of her hair back and her features stilled as if all that pertness had been drained from them instantly, a muscle played in her jaw before she lifted her eyes and smiled prettily. Not at Nikolai, though. He saw an older man sitting to her left tap her hand like one would when a dog's performed a trick well, and Nikolai felt his muscles tense. Vasily beamed, Nikolai gripped his glass, her father looked at her like she was his golden ticket. 

"A vile man.", Irina said over her glass. 

Nikolai hadn't noticed, but the general was now busy entertaining the waiter with questions about the wine, and only his wife was fully present, the lines of her face arranged into a look of dignified distaste. She was speaking to Nikolai.

"Count Orlov?" 

"He treats that poor girl like property.", her upper lip curled, "And unfortunately the Saints haven't given her a bad temper, so she listens." 

Nikolai leaned back in his chair, swirling the wine as he followed Irina's gaze to his brother, drunk on wine and forced smiles from a pretty girl, "I don't think she's as helpless as you paint it."

"Oh, she's not. She's playing them both like a fiddle. I'm just saying, at her age, I would've wreaked havoc by that point.", she shrugged, "I'm not a subtle woman, you see."

"Ha!", the general was joining the conversation once again, now that he'd gotten his wine, "Listen to what she tells you! She's a wild animal, that one!" 

"Darling. Not in front of a prince." 

"What?", to his credit, he did look genuinely confused, "His highness doesn't mind, do you? I'm just saying my wife's always been a force of nature, no shame in that! She's a scary woman, it's a good thing to have by your side." 

Nikolai did not, indeed, mind at all. He was just trying not to choke on the wine as laughter bubbled up from his chest, especially when Irina raised an eyebrow at her husband, and he could see her attempting not to grin at that strange assemble of compliments. Their bickering was felt like a light summer breeze, a welcome reprieve from the tension he could feel simmering in the air, across the table.

"It's the wine.", she turned her gaze to Nikolai, still smirking, "Don't mind him."

"Ha! And what explanation do you have for that sharp tongue?" 

"I married an idiot and was forced to evolve because of it." 

"Please, when I first mustered up the courage to ask her for a dance--", this was directed at Nikolai as the large man shifted in his seat, "And mind you, I've been less afraid for my life on the battlefield than in front of that woman! You know what she told me? She told me to break a leg and see if that helps with my coordination.", he leaned to the side to cast his wife a look over Nikolai, "You've always had that sharp tongue on you, my love." 

Nikolai raised an eyebrow at her, "Was he that bad?"

Beaming because he didn't immediately sympathise with her husband, Irina shrugged in feigned disdain, "No, he was quite handsome and good on the floor, still is. You just can't let them forget how lucky they are to even have you looking in their direction."

"What can I say, my girl knows her business! I fell for it, hook, line and sinker."

Nikolai was the one charmed, for once, but his eyes still strayed to the other side of the table, even as the old couple continued lovingly bickering beside him. Vasily was up and about, and the girl and her father were following close behind, the valet running around guiding them towards a carriage that was waiting on the other side of the fence. 

"Where are they going?", he schooled his voice into one of mild disinterest, fit of a prince not particularly invested in his brother's dalliances. Beneath it all though, he felt dangerous, like he was being suspended on the edge of getting up and following - his brother was a nasty, distasteful creature on good days, and this wasn't even one of those. 

"Mister Razumov's.", Irina answered, because the general was now waving wildly demanding another piece of those little lemon cakes, "New money. Wild parties. Wilder vices. Gambling and alcohol are galore. They'll come to invite you too." 

He did not doubt that - even his brother's title had nothing on Nikolai's charm or the exclusivity of having him there on the rare occasion that he was home instead of on the front. It still did little to placate him as he watched them climb into the carriage, his brother's slimy hand holding hers as he helped up the steps, her hair tossed wildly across her bare back as she turned one last time to cast a glance Nikolai's way. He held her eyes for a moment, both their faces still as stone, then watched her disappear behind carriage's curtains as he sipped his wine, wondering wildly if he should even go. 

What good would it do? Her father would be there, watching, and there was no money to be made with a prince that had an interest only in books and weapons, no matter how charming he was. He cleared his throat and finished the glass. He'd just get her in trouble - it wasn't like Nikolai himself was particularly known as a voice of reason, he preferred to stick to an assemble of charming qualities, like ill-advised impulses and regret.

"You could stay, you know?", this was Irina again, sounding less like a wild animal her husband had described, and more like a mother. At least what Nikolai imagined mothers sounded like. Sympathetic. 

"Sorry?"

"Do you think I'll get this big boulder to move and go home anytime soon?", she nodded towards her husband, then smiled, "Some of us stay here instead of going to Razumov's, there's music and food and wine, good company too. If your highness hasn't been scared away by our marital displays."

"Please, call me Nikolai.", his usual glib smirk had slipped back onto his lips, as easy as a mask, "And no, I must admit, I'm quite charmed by the displays. Tell me, Irina, where does one get one of those?" 

She didn't look quite convinced, but she smiled still, "You stumble upon it, by Saint's will, and then you can't look away. The lucky ones, anyway.", she cleared her throat, "Stay, it would be quite the honour." 

"All mine. Your husband's a great general. And the royalty never gets enough servings from sharp tongues anyway."

"My husband's a fool.”, she shrugged lightly, “But I make up for it in the charms department." 

"I heard that woman!", there was no ire in general’s voice, and it was merely a passing comment as he waved at the poor waiter again, "Would one of you penguins like to explain why the prince's glass is empty?" 

Nikolai hadn't wondered about that, but now that it was brought up he felt like another glass and a distinct lack of his brother might be of help, "Why do you assume I won't go?" 

"Because you've been staring at that girl all night."

Nikolai's head snapped from the waiter back to Irina, and he caught the traces of a grin in the corners of her lips as she sipped her wine. Had he been that obvious? He didn't think so, but the wine and conversation might have made him sloppy - it was one thing to avoid provoking Vasily into being even creepier due to jealousy, another to avoid someone like Irina.

"Don't be so shocked young prince, that big buffoon used to look at me like that, once. I'd spot it anywhere, like a good game in the forest. She could barely stop smirking. It's quite painful, you know, not to smile when you catch someone looking at you like that. I must admit, she’s quite adept."

Nikolai considered telling her that big buffoon certainly still did look at her like that, but he was assuming she already knew that. She didn't look like a woman who'd settle for anything less. "Well, to be fair, I've been told I am quite dashing. She can't really be blamed." 

This made her laugh, in the way experienced older people do when they're charmed by some youngling's naivete, "Tell her that and see what comes back at you."

"I've already tried, it wasn't pretty."

Irina leaned in, conspirational, "That's why it's fun. My husband told you already. Hook, line and sinker. The girl knows how it's done.", then she leaned back, more serious, "It's why I'd stay away if I were you. We have plenty of food, wine and girls for you here. You're all the rage." 

Nikolai smirked at her, as if to alleviate the seriousness of her warning, "Do you take me for anything less than a gentleman? And here I was thinking I had you charmed Irina, you break my heart. We were just talking."

But Irina didn't look concerned, only amusement lined her features as she sipped her drink, and a bit of motherly sympathy, "Oh my dear prince, you have us all smitten, but it's not her I'm worried about.", she twisted in her seat, to call for a waiter, and said over her shoulder, "And hasn't your mother taught you - nothing's quite as dangerous as talking to a girl like her." 

***

The night dragged on, or perhaps dragged wasn't exactly the right word. The general had a way of livening up the place even as the people cleared, some to go to Razumov's, others to go to sleep in their beds. The brave ones that stayed - and there were quite a few after he did some rounds about the tables - were unable to leave because he'd managed to somehow get more food, more alcohol and more musicians, and no one of sound mind would leave this wild story he'd spun around them. They laughed and spoke of war and danced under the clear night sky, the air tinted with the scent of burning wood and meat and laughter. 

Nikolai had nearly forgotten, how much heart there was in nights like these, how much he loved the people and the songs and this country. He himself had danced and laughed and drank, and was now sitting on a chair rocking himself precariously on two of its legs, wrapped in that safety blanket of stupor that came with late hours of the night, or early hours of the morning, watching the general and his wife swirl in front of the musicians. 

He wondered how they were still up and going, much less dancing, though he could guess that alcohol, and a lot of it, had something to do with it. And alcohol, and a lot of it, had something to do with no one noticing a figure sitting upright on a horse somewhere out behind the fence, in the deep darkness of a moonless night. The silks shifted around the figure, carried by the breeze, like something out of Tolya's stories of spectres and hallucinations haunting the fallen battlefields. Nikolai thought wildly that there must be one about a ghost-girl on a horse, haunting the minds of men in moonless nights, with silks made out of moonlight and cruel elegance draped across her shoulders. Or something like that. 

Nikolai let his chair hit the ground and was up before the girl who'd been talking to him had even managed to look confused by his sudden change in mien. He drained his glass before putting it down on the table with a bit too much force and slid through the crowd that had gathered by the band. 

Tolya’s story would have probably been meant as a warning to young men not to head towards those strange apparitions, or something equally ominous, but Nikolai never put much stock in the stories anyway, especially not ones made up by his drunken mind as he followed after her into the darkness. She looked improbable, sitting tall on that horse waiting for him, but not impossible. And that was good enough for him. 

tags: @mentally-in-northern-italy 

please feel free to comment or hit me up in the DMs (even if you just want to talk because honey i’m THERE for it) if you’d like to be tagged when the next part comes out! 

[holidaywishes]

you finally made sense

  Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: So Jacob Markstrom idea for whenever you’re ready. Because I am simple and just love the idea I would love to see how you would write friends to lovers but where Jacob has known for a while that he wanted more but the reader is much slower to come to a realization. Like maybe she realizes when someone makes a comment about how they are such  a cute couple or something.

  Warning: Google Translate, fluff, maybe some language?

  Author’s Note: For some reason, this GIF doesn’t come up in the GIF search but I love it too much not to use, so I believe it’s from @droppedgloves​ and I want to thank them for it. It’s beautiful, thank you. Fun fact: I forgot what the ‘plan’ was after I wrote “here’s the plan” because I had to save it as a draft and do other stuff 😂😂 I’m not super familiar with Markstrom, so I had to spend a good full day scrolling through YouTube to watch videos and interviews of him to get a sense of his personality so I could figure out how I wanted to write him and, here’s another fun fact: I didn’t realize that video of the goalie playing with dolls (you’re the better goalie, you’re the better goalie) was actually Markstrom so that made me giggle when I was watching stuff. @mandypants95​ I hope this gives you a little bit of what you were looking for. Friends to Lovers is fun to write because of all the cliché’s that come with it so I hope everyone enjoys it, even just a little bit! It’s quite long, like I told mandypants, it kind of got away on me, so just prepare yourself 😂Stay golden, loves! <3

  P.S. The names of Marky’s friends are not real people, -- he might have friends with these names but I have no idea, -- I just needed to make up some names for his friends 😜

  P.P.S. If you keep seeing this appear after you’ve liked it, I’m sorry. Sometimes edits need to be done because of grammar (I hate when my fics have bad grammar) and if I do it on the app, sometimes the title doesn’t save so the link gets we-- it’s a whole thing.

 masterlist

 the other masterlist

xx

  You met Jake his first year playing with the Canucks but it wasn’t a natural friendship like he usually explained it to everyone. He was sweet, sure, but he was also very cocky; like he knew how good he was and was eager to make sure everyone else knew. It didn’t take long, though, for him to charm his way into your life.

  “JAKE!” you called as you walked through his front door

  “What’s up!” he yelled from the top of the stairs

  “Here’s the plan:” you started to explain, “we’re going to this bar, you’re not going to run off and leave me alone with all these strangers, we’re gonna leave when either of us decides that we’re done, got it?”

  “It’s a party, (Y/N),” he laughed, “we have to interact with them”

  “I know and it’s your birthday,” you added, “I’m just saying, I don’t know your friends. You can read me, I can read you, so just help me out a little, okay?”

  “Fine” he sighed sarcastically before running down the stairs to meet you, bumping your arm lightly with his shoulder before walking into the kitchen to grab a glass of water

  “Good” you smiled

  “Great” he teased

  “Look,” you sighed, leaning against his counter while he practically chugged his water, “don’t be weird. Don’t wear a suit and make me feel under-dressed, just wear jeans and a t-shirt”

  “It’s my birthday party...” you scoffed

  “I know, so just be comfortable” you grinned and he shook his head

  “God, you’re so demanding today” he joked

  “I have to be or you won’t listen to me”

  “You know me too well, I guess” he smiled, forcing an exaggerated eye roll from you before you turned on your heels to make your way home. “Wait, you’re leaving?”

  “Yeah” you scoffed

  “You just came over to boss me around and leave? Like this couldn’t have been done over text?”

  “I have to go get changed!” you laughed

  “What?” he chuckled, “you just told me to dress casual”

  “I know because I know you,” you admitted, “you’ll still show up looking like you’re going to some fancy event. Even in ripped jeans and a ratty t-shirt”

  “I won’t” he smiled

  “You will. Just let me go home and put on a dress. I’ll meet you there”

  “You’ll text me when you get there?”

  “As soon as the Uber turns the corner” you smirked

  “Okay, see you there.”

xx

Jacob’s P.O.V

  You waited outside the bar for (Y/N) to show up for your birthday party that your friends from Sweden came in for but she was taking forever

  “Where are you?” you asked impatiently

  “I told you I’d text you when I was there” she sent back

  “Yeah, but you were supposed to be here like 20 minutes ago!”

  “There was traffic. I can’t control the traffic”

  “Oh I’m sure you could if you tried”

  “Yeah well, maybe next time”

  “Are you close?”

  “The car is just turning the corner now”

  “Finally” you watched as cars paced by the bar until one black Lexus pulled up in front of you and (Y/N) stepped out slowly. Your eyes couldn’t help but follow her as she walked toward you, completely enthralled by the deep blue colour of her dress as it swished side to side. “Wait” you stopped her from walking into the bar, ahead of you

  “What?” she sighed as she stepped back in front of you

  “Why are you allowed to dress like that,” you gestured to her before gesturing to your outfit, “and I have to dress like this?”

  “Because,” she started, a smile creeping across her face, “these are your friends. They’ve never met me before and I want to make a good impression”

  “But it’s not like they need to approve of you,” you smirked, “we’re not dating”

  “Oh I know,” she scoffed, “but if I look good, that makes you look good. They’ll know that you’re not failing over here because you hang out with awesome people like me” she turned and walked into the bar, grabbing your arm so she could drag you in after her. Her laugh, paired with her warm touch, sent your heart racing and you hoped she would hold onto you longer but as soon as your friends greeted you, she let go

  “GRATTIS PÅ FÖDELSEDAGEN!” they shouted, grabbing you and practically tossing you back and forth between them before you noticed (Y/N)’s uncomfortable expression. You moved your hand to rest on her back

  “Guys, this is my friend, (Y/N),” you said, pushing her forward so they could see her, “(Y/N), this is George, Niklas, Ollie, Sam, Malcolm, Dustin, Eric and Corey”

  “Wow,” she exhaled with a laugh, looking at you as she tried to think of something to say, “forgive me if I mix up your names. Jake moves a lot faster than I do”

  “Guess that’s what makes him a good goalie?” Ollie joked and (Y/N) nodded

  “So you guys are just friends?” Dustin pried

  “Yes” (Y/N) was quick to answer and you hoped that none of the boys noticed your face fall

  “Let’s get some drinks!” Niklas exclaimed, directing (Y/N) to the bar while the rest of you followed behind them

  “Så är du verkligen bara vänner?” George started, speaking Swedish so (Y/N) wouldn’t be able to understand

  “Ja” you scoffed

  “Av eget val?” Corey asked

  “Så klart det är” you countered

  “Ja? Din eller hennes?” Dustin teased

  “What are you boys gossiping about?” (Y/N) laughed before you could answer, catching your eyes and a pathetic smile as the group sat at the bar

  “They’re just asking when I’m gonna win the cup” you lied

  “Did you guys meet here? In Calgary?” Ollie asked her, ignoring your lie

  “No, actually we met in Vancouver,” she admitted with a smile, “in 2016?”

  “Yep,” you added, “the end of 2016. We were instant friends”

  “No we weren’t” she laughed

  “What?!” you said, shocked at her confession

  “Ooh, Jakey, what did you do?” Malcolm teased

  “Nothing! I was a complete gentleman” you tried

  “No he was,” she laughed, placing her hand on your arm to reassure you, “you were. He was very sweet but he knew I knew who he was and I didn’t really wanna give in to it, you know what I mean? But we kinda stayed in touch for a couple days, had lunch with some of my friends, he got us tickets to a game and made us feel welcome and all that. It was all very sweet”

  “So what was the issue?” Malcolm asked, as if he knew something had changed

  “I got a job in Calgary. I had moved to Vancouver for University but I was about to graduate and the island was a little too expensive to live on after having the loans I had. So when I moved back to Calgary, we just kinda couldn’t really become friends” she replied

  “But obviously you did” Corey added

  “He found me on Instagram and added me,“ she laughed and you could feel your face fill with heat, “then he just wouldn’t leave me alone”

  “And then he got traded here” Sam finally added, earning a round of laughs from everyone when they realized he hadn’t said anything

  “Then he got traded here. During a Pandemic, in the weirdest season of Hockey I’ve ever witnessed” she laughed

  “She flipped when I told her”

  “I hadn’t kept up with the trade deadline” she added

  “So she was in the middle of a Zoom call or something” you continued, the two of you now telling the story together

  “When I get this text”

  “I wrote, purposely very cryptically, I’m coming to see you”

  “And I was obviously very creeped out”

  “But she still replied”

  “Well, I had to figure out what the hell he was talking about!” she laughed, pushing your shoulder playfully

  “Sure but you could’ve just been like ‘this is a joke’ and left it at that” you teased before she rolled her eyes

  “Anyway…” she smirked, “I sent back a message asking what the hell he was talking about”

  “So I told her I got traded and she sent a voice note practically screaming”

  “I was excited”

  “I was nervous but I was happy that I’d have a friend in the city outside of hockey”

  “So I asked him when he was going to get into the city, to see if we could meet up”

  “I told her”

  “But then Alberta went into a weird quasi-lockdown and I didn’t want to get him in trouble”

  “So we FaceTimed”

  “Which we’d obviously done a million times over the years”

  “We caught up”

  “Planned to get together”

  “Which we did, pretty soon after, and now here we are”

  “Here you are” George interjected, leading you and (Y/N) to laugh awkwardly before each taking a sip from your respective drinks and Niklas pointed out a booth where everyone could sit and talk without having to crane your necks. After a while, and a few more cocktails, everyone seemed to be getting along which, honestly, made you smile; something that Ollie was all too quick to notice.

  "I'll be right back" (Y/N) said with a smile before she started to push you out of the booth, leaving you with your friends and their very obvious questions

  "Before you say anything," you smirked, "just don't"

  "Come on" George laughed

  "If you already know what we're going to say, why don't you answer the question?" Sam added

  "Come on, Jakey" Malcolm teased

  "Säg det" Corey added

  "Säg vad?" you played dumb

  "Kom igen..." Eric continued

  "Ingen aning om vad du pratar om..."

  "Hur länge har du älskat henne?" Dustin finally asked

  "Hey!" you exclaimed when you saw (Y/N), trying to get them to forget about the question

  "Hi," she said, caught off guard by your excitement, "everything okay?"

  "Yeah" you answered, letting her back in before you squeezed in next to her

  "You sure?" she said, furrowing her brow

  "Yeah! We just wanted to get another round but wanted to make sure you were here before we did..."

  "You're a terrible liar" she laughed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and exposing her neck

  "Så... ska du berätta för henne att du älskar henne eller måste någon av oss göra det?" Sam said, causing (Y/N)'s head to ping pong back and forth between the two of you, as if she was trying to understand what he said to you

  "What did he say?" she asked you, leaning into you, causing your cheeks to flush with heat

  "Nothing," you said, distracted by her peach-scented shampoo and the way she didn't move away from you, clearing your throat when you realized that you were almost moving toward her, "they're just teasing me. You all have that in common”

  “Yeah, something tells me that’s not what he said” she smirked, her eyes dancing between yours before she sat back up and continued talking with the guys; they told her stories about how you were as a kid, she laughed and said that you hadn’t changed at all.

  “It was nice to meet you, (Y/N),” Malcolm said, “take care of him while we’re gone okay?”

  “I will” she smiled

  “Take care of yourself, too” Corey added

  “Thanks”

  “And you,” George pointed to you with a smirk, “you take care of her”

  “Yeah yeah yeah” you joked

  "Vi är seriösa, J," Niklas said, "Hon är för bra för dig men om du tar hand om henne ..."

  "Då vet du..." Sam added, raising his eyebrows as (Y/N) called a cab

  "Allvarligt killar, sluta" you sighed

  "Du älskar henne" Ollie whispered

  "Berätta bara för henne," Dustin said while Eric nodded his head

  "Det är inte så enkelt" you sighed, watching (Y/N) continue to try to hail a cab and fail, dropping her head in annoyance

  “Come on!” you heard her yell, earning a scoff from you

  ”Har jag varit kär i henne i ungefär två år? Ja," you confessed, "spelar det någon roll? Nej, för hon känner inte samma sak om mig och jag tänker inte tvinga henne att känna något hon inte gör”

  "Tycker du inte att hon förtjänar att veta det?" Sam asked

  "Vi såg hur hon såg på dig," Ollie grinned, "Jag tror att det finns några känslor där"

  "Jag tror inte det" you sighed once more, looking over at (Y/N) who had successfully hailed a cab

  “Jake!!” she called excitedly, a huge smile spread across her face, “come on! It was nice to meet you guys!” she called to your friends and they waved her goodbye, “Jake, I can’t keep this guy waiting forever!”

  "Du bör gå" George laughed

  "Hon är så bossig" Corey joked

  "Ja, det är hon" you smirked, looking at her calling you to the small yellow car and telling the driver to wait just one more minute. ”Okej killar, jag måste gå. Tack för att du kom in för att önska mig en grattis på födelsedagen,” you smiled, “Ha en säker flygning tillbaka”

  "Kommer att göra, Jakey," Malcolm said

  “Hallå!” Niklas interrupted one last time, "Berätta bara för henne"

  “Adjö” you shook your head before smiling and waving them goodbye

  “Geez! Took you long enough!” (Y/N) whined, hopping into the backseat of the cab with you close behind

  “Relax, I had to say goodbye. They came a long way” you replied

  “Such a good friend,” she said, “can I just stay at your place tonight? I’m exhausted”

  “Yeah that’s fine” you agreed, letting your hand fall next to hers, brushing her skin with your pinky and waiting for someone to break the silence

  “Where to?” the driver finally asked, bringing your attention to him before giving him your address

  “Your friends were nice,” (Y/N) added wearily, “they didn’t really like to talk in English though did they?”

  “Their Swedish is better”

  “That’s fair” she yawned, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the window. You smiled as thoughts of how your life could be with her — falling asleep next to her, caressing her skin as she slept, pushing her hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear so you could kiss her softly — but you knew she didn’t feel the same, so all you would ever be was friends.

xx

  You fell asleep in the cab next to Jacob but you could swear you felt him watching you. He did wake you up, gently, when the cab pulled up in front of his apartment.

  “(Y/N)?” he whispered, “hey”

  “Hi. What’s going on?”

  “It’s time to go inside” he smirked

  “Oh” you scoffed, pushing yourself across the bench seat and stepping out of the cab, stumbling into Jacob when you finally stood up

  “Whoa” he chuckled, placing his arm around your waist to keep you from falling

  “I’m sorry,” she whined as you both stepped into the elevator, leaning back against the cold metal and away from Jake. “I didn’t think I drank that much but I guess I couldn’t keep up with you guys”

  “It’s okay,” he laughed and you started to drift off to sleep again, “hey, we’re almost to my place, don’t fall asleep here okay?”

  “Okay” you hummed before he started to keep you awake by telling you jokes. “Oh my god, Jake, stop!” you laughed, “your jokes are awful”

  “Hey! My jokes are pure gold” he countered

  “Sure they are” you scoffed. When the elevator finally opened, you slowly walked out, swaying and stumbling through the hallway before Jake eventually placed his hands on your waist and guided you to the door

  “Alright, here we are. Come on, drunky”

  “Why aren’t you more drunk?” you finally asked, only now noticing that he seemed very sober

  “I’m twice your size,” he laughed, “I can manage a bit more alcohol than you”

  “Yeah but you’re like… sober. Like you didn’t drink at all” you questioned before stumbling into his chest

  “Oh-kay, let’s just get you to sleep,” he said, carrying you to his bedroom

  “Hey mister,” you slurred, “what do you think you’re doing?”

  “I’m putting you in bed” he said

  “This is your bed, I don’t know what kind of ideas you have in your little Swedish brain”

  “Don’t worry, kid,” he scoffed, setting you down on the firm mattress before tucking you under the covers, “I’ll be in the guest room”

  “Wait!” you called as he started walking away, “happy birthday” you smiled, realizing you hadn’t said it to him nearly all-day

  “Thanks,” he whispered and you saw him smile while he began closing the door, “now get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” The next morning, you heard him in the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible, rummaging around the cabinets

  “Hey sleepy head!” he exclaimed

  “Oh wow,” you replied softly, rubbing your temples, “why are you yelling like that?”

  "I'm sorry," he whispered but it still felt like yelling, "am I annoying you?"

  "What are you doing?" you asked, glaring at him while you sat down on the stool at the kitchen island

  "I'm making pancakes!" he smiled

  "You can't cook" you groaned, still rubbing your temples in hopes that it would cure your hangover

  "Wow, rude," he joked, throwing a metal spoon into his sink and you shuddered at the ringing of the steel that echoed through the room, "do you want some aspirin?"

  "Yes please" you smiled gratefully

  "Here" he said, handing you a glass of water and two small pills

  "Thank you," you said and he saluted you lazily, earning a scoff from you, "so what's going on today? Post birthday plans?"

  "My mom is calling in soon and then I have to go to practice, we've got a game tomorrow. In Vancouver, so we're flying out this afternoon," he replied, keeping his eyes on the food in front of him while he spoke, "so the day is pretty much set..."

  "Oh," you said, clearing your throat as you finished your glass of water, "okay. I'll just... leave you to it then"

  "What?" he scoffed, "I didn't mean it li-- you're not gonna stay and talk to my mom? You know she loves you more than she loves me"

  "Well, I am very lovable," you teased, smiling at him until your headache forced you to stop, "but I don't want to intrude or anything. I'll just grab my phone and get an Uber so I can head home"

  "Stop it," he huffed, turning off the burner and walking over to you, "I'll drive you home later, just stay and chat with me and Mom" he placed his hands on your arms before his eyes focused on your own and you found yourself unable to resist his insistence; your pursed smile giving it away before you could

  "Fine," you finally said, "I'll stay."

  "Good" he smirked, turning back to grab you a pancake, practically tossing the plate to you. When his mom finally Facetimed him, he was in the other room so you were forced to greet her first

  "Hey, Lena!" you exclaimed

  "(Y/N)! Darling! How are you?" she asked, her smile so much like her sons

  "I'm good, how are you?"

  "I'm good! Thank you for asking," she smiled, looking past you for Jake, "now, where is my son?"

  "He's probably off puking somewhere," you joked, "he really can't handle his alcohol in his old age"

  "His tolerance must have lowered since moving to Canada"

  "Especially when the actual alcohol percentages are so low compared to Sweden"

  "I'm disappointed in him" she laughed

  "Me too!" you added, laughing with her before Jake finally walked into frame, standing behind you with his arms on either side of you and his chin resting on the top of your head

  "Alright you two," he smirked, "stop making fun of me"

  "It's your fault," you teased, tilting your head so you were looking up at him directly, "not being in the room and all"

  "When will I learn?" he joked, looking down at you before making a funny face

  "Never. You'll never learn. You're impossible" you laughed, sticking your tongue out at him as he pushed your shoulder and sat down in the seat beside you

  "You two are so sweet" Lena smirked

  "Ma..." Jake sighed

  "We are sweet, aren't we?" you replied, noticing both Lena and Jacob shake their heads; granted, with different expressions on their face

  "It's not--" he started, exasperated after having clearly had this conversation with his mom more than once

  "What's wrong?" you asked, confused

  "I think you're the most adorable couple I've ever seen, honestly" Lena admitted and you scoffed, a blush creeping into your cheeks

  "Oh, whoa," you smiled, "Jake, have you been going around telling your parents we're dating?"

  "No" he sighed, closing his eyes lightly as if he was embarrassed

  "I've been trying to get him to ask you out for months now but he won't do it" she teased

  "Well, he wouldn't," you said, looking between the mother and son, "because we're just friends. He wouldn't want to ruin that"

  "Alright mom," he said, over the back and forth, "enough of this conversation. I've got to take (Y/N) home, okay? Love you, thanks for the chat"

  "Hey, Jacob!" Lena yelled before he could end the call, "we haven't spoken, don't hang up on me like that"

  "I'll just.. go wait outside" you whispered, watching him sit down in front of his computer to await the disappointed words that his mom would soon say to him. You waited outside for a few minutes before checking if his truck was unlocked, sitting on the step when you saw that it wasn't and realizing that if you tried to open the door, the alarm would go off. It was another hour before Jacob finally came outside to meet you

  "Sorry about that" he sighed

  "That's okay. She called to talk to you, I'd be upset too if someone tried to hang up on me when I specifically called t--"

  "Yeah, I get it," he said through bared teeth, "let's just go, okay? I have to be at practice soon" you furrowed your brow but got into the passenger seat, looking at him take a deep breath before starting the car. You thought about the words his mother used when she spoke about you and Jacob. You two are so sweet, the most adorable couple I've ever seen, I've been trying to get him to ask you out for months. It was all kind of odd to you. Not only that Lena had said it, or that she and Jake had clearly had the conversation before, but that he was so irritated by the whole interaction. Why was he so upset? you thought to yourself. Did he think you were embarrassed? Did he think that you would be hurt that he had never agreed to take you out on a date? Or was there something that he had said to Lena that he didn't want you to hear?

  "Jake?" you said, as he drove through the city silently but he didn't respond. Soon enough, he pulled up outside of your apartment building and you hesitated before finally jumping out of the car, with just enough time to clear the door before Jake sped away from you. What the fuck? you scoffed, heading inside in hopes of clearing your head. You spent the day racking your brain about what could have gotten Jake so upset but nothing came to mind; nothing you said was rude, or at least you didn't think it was, and everything was true, so what was his deal?

  "Tell me exactly what happened?" your friend, Susie, asked from the other end of the phone after you had explained the morning to her

  "Again?" you whined

  "Yes, again, I need to know if you're missing something"

  "We went for drinks last night, for his birthday, with his friends. We all laughed and had a good time. I drank too much, stayed at his place, in separate rooms. When I woke up, we joked around like we always do, he gave me some aspirin and made some pancakes before his mom called from Sweden" you exclaimed, smirking to yourself a little while you thought of the conversation you and Lena had before Jake came back into the room. "She loves me, so we joked about Jake a bunch but then he came into the room, stood behind me and rested his chin on my head. I looked up at him and we teased each other a bit more. Lena said we were sweet, I said yeah of course but Jake seemed to.. argue with her? I don't know, Lena kept going saying that we made a cute couple but I corrected her, saying we were just friends. My exact words were to Jake 'have you been going around telling your parents we're dating?' to which he said No and then Lena said she's been trying to get him to ask me out for a while but he's always said no"

  "And what did you say...?" Susie interjected, her tone telling you that she was hearing something that you clearly weren't

  "I said that he wouldn't ask me out because we were just friends," you replied plainly. It was the truth, what was wrong with that? "and that he wouldn't want to ruin that"

  "He wouldn't?" she questioned with a scoff before continuing, "fine. What happened after that?"

  "Things got weird and tense. I let them talk alone and then he drove me home in a weird mood. He barely talked to me, he barely even looked at me!"

  "(Y/N)..." she sighed, "(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N)..."

  "What? What? What?" you scoffed in reply

  "HOW ARE YOU SO BLIND?!" she shouted through the phone, forcing you to pull it from your ear for a minute

  "What are you talking about?"

  "I've seen it for years," she said, "but I always thought you knew. But you really don't, do you?"

  "Know what? What have you seen for years?"

  "The way you'd stop everything when he called, the way you'd schedule FaceTimes like clockwork, the way he knows your favourite colour as it changes from week to week. The fact that he could have anyone he wanted, who would want him back, but he chooses to ask you to hang out with him all the time, from a different province? A different time zone?" she explained but you were still lost

  "We're friends. We like hanging out with each other and we can't really do that in person because of what's happening now. Plus, he's so busy..."

  "(Y/N)!!!" she yelled again, "COME ON!"

  "JUST SPIT IT OUT! I'm clearly not gonna get what you're trying to get me to get..."

  "He's been in love with you for years. Probably since the two of you started really getting to know each other," she said and the words hung in the air as you tried to grasp them, "but when you said that you were just friends? He probably thought that he was never going to be anything more than that to you. Maybe he thinks he's wasted his time all these years"

  "He's not in love with me" was all you could think to say

  "Yes, he is," she laughed, "and you're in love with him"

  "Now, hold on," you scoffed, "I'm pretty sure I would know if I were in love with somebody"

  "Would you?"

  "Of course I would"

  "Fine," she replied, seemingly dropping the conversation, "but he is in love with you and I think you need to talk to him about it"

  "And say what?" you asked

  "I don't know..." she said, her smirk ever present on her words, "but I'm sure you'll think of something"

  "Susi--"

  "I gotta go," she interrupted, "keep me in the loop. Love you, bye!"

  "WAIT!" you shouted to a now static line, "well what the fuck...?" you said to yourself. You were left alone with the thought that Jake might have feelings for you and the words that Susie tried to convince you were true

  "You're in love with him, too" it was nonsense. You couldn't love Jake... It was Jake. He was Jacob Markström. Was there a part of you that found him attractive? Yes. Yeah, sure but were you in love with him? No. No, there's no way.

  "FUCK!" you shouted to your empty apartment, as you paced through the living room, "why would she say that? It doesn't matter. I don't love him. I mean, he's Jake. He's just the guy who teases me for literally every move I make. So, he knows that my favourite colour changes every week, who cares? That doesn't mean anything. Sure, you knew that he loves Country music more than he's actually confessed in his interviews, but that's just what happens when you're friends with someone. And, yes, when the light hit him just right, he looked like he was covered in gold but that's not him. That's the sun... It's not like he's a god or anything, he's just got blonde hair and the sun does stuff to blonde hair..." you could feel yourself making excuses but you had to because maybe you didn't want it to be true. You couldn't be in love with him, could you? "Fuck" you sighed.

xx

Jacob's P.O.V

  You had been ignoring (Y/N) for almost a week at this point. You weren’t sure what to do or say to her knowing now, for sure, that she only thought of you as friends but you hated not having her around. She had become such an integral part of your life and not having her there just felt... wrong

  “Jake, talk to me, please!” she texted and you sighed, staring at your phone and contemplating an answer but you just couldn’t think of something to say, “JAKE! I know you’re getting these messages. Just let me talk to you please. If you don’t want to say anything fine but I need to talk to you”

  “Are you gonna leave me alone if I let you talk?” you finally gave in

  “Yes,” she sent back, “but I need to see you to say all of this...”

  “Seriously?” you scoffed

  “Yes. Seriously. Please?”

  “Fine. When are you free?”

  “Right now!” she replied quickly

  “I can’t right now. I literally just walked into the locker room, how about tomorrow?”

  “How about after practice? I can meet you at the Dome...”

  “Fine” you huffed to yourself

  “Everything okay?” Tanny asked when he heard your exasperation

  “Yeah” you sighed, holding up your phone to let him know that it was something on there

  “Great!” (Y/N) added, “I’ll see you at four?”

  “Yeah sure, fine” you tossed your phone into the shelf in your stall and rubbed your face in frustration

  “Yo, Marky...” Chris continued, noticing your stress, “seriously man, what’s going on?”

  “(Y/N) wants to meet up and ‘talk’” you replied, putting air quotes around talk

  “The girlfriend wants to break up huh?” he chirped and you scoffed, shaking your head in return

  “I’ve been ignoring her for like a week. I don’t know what to say to her... I’ve been able to hide my feelings for her for so long but she finally said to my mom, on my birthday, that all we’ll ever be is friends and, I don’t know, I just don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know if I can hide how I feel anymore”

  “She has feelings for you, too” he said

  “Yeah.. she thinks of me as a big brother”

  “No,” he countered, “she has the same feelings for you as you do for her. She’s just scared to admit it”

  “Why would she be scared to admit it?” you said dumbly

  “Because,” he smirked, “it would mean admitting that guys and girls can’t just be friends. That there’s always some kind of attraction and that sex gets in the way”

  “Sex?” you blushed

  “I’m not saying you’ve had sex or that you’re going to,” he admitted, “I’m just saying, I’ve met (Y/N) before and she’s always said that she doesn’t agree with the idea that guys and girls can’t be friends because someone always wants to sleep with someone else. But if she admits to having feelings for you, then all of that becomes... hypocritical”

  “She wouldn’t be that petty...”

  “I wouldn’t call it petty,” he said, heading back toward his stall to continue putting on his gear, “I would call it stubborn.” By the end of practice, you were looking for (Y/N) everywhere but there was no one in the stands and you figured she must have wanted to meet you in the parking lot so you could drive her somewhere private. You took a quick shower and packed up your bag, looking at your phone quickly to see if there was anything from her but your screen was clear, forcing your brow to crease in response

  “Take it easy, guys” you smiled as you made your way out of the locker room, waving to the team before catching Tanny give you a head nod. You practically ran out of the building to find (Y/N) when you saw her arguing with a security guard

  “Oh, Jake! Finally. I’ve been arguing with this guy for like an hour. He wouldn’t let me in!” she explained through gritted teeth

  “It’s fine. Thank you,” you said to the guard, pulling her away from him and toward your car, “what is wrong with you? You can’t argue with Security, you’re tiny. You’re not a threat, you just look like a chihuahua”

  “Ha ha” she replied sarcastically

  “Am I taking you somewhere to talk or what’s going on?” you spat

  “Do you wanna go somewhere?” she asked

  “I wanna know what you wanna talk about and then maybe I can decide if we should go somewhere” you admitted, stomping off to your car

  “I wanna talk about us” she whimpered as she caught up to you. You caught her eye for just a second before shaking your head

  “Get in the car” you scoffed and she did as you told her. The two of you were silent for a while before (Y/N) tried to get you to start talking but you shushed her, keeping the ride silent aside from the radio until you got to relatively empty part of Prince’s Island Park. “Alright,” you said sternly as you slammed the door shut, “talk”

  “I...” she hesitated, closing the door lightly

  “What?”

  “I never--”

  “Never meant to hurt me?” you interrupted thinking you were finishing her thought

  “I never wanted to be with you...” she admitted and you scoffed in return

  “Wow... thanks. Glad we could have this talk”

  “No, wait, Jake, stop,” she sighed, “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t realize how you felt until like a week ago. Apparently, everyone else around me knew but I was too stupid to see it. I thought we both wanted the same thing”

  “And that was to never be with each other?”

  “I thought we just wanted a friend”

  “Because I can’t get my own friends?”

  “Because I didn’t think you thought of me like that” she shouted

  “Why not?” you exclaimed

  “You never really did anything to make me think otherwise!”

  “Sure I did!”

  “Jake... come on. You never did anything differently...”

  “I drove you places” you tried and she scoffed

  “Oh no, you’re right,” she teased, “how could I not have known?”

  “How about me calling on Valentine’s Day?”

  “How was I supposed to know that was anything other than you having a day off?” It was a fair point, actually. She knew that you’d often lose track of days when you were on the road and, sometimes, you’d miss holidays altogether

  “I never forgot your birthday!” you said as if that proved something

  “And?”

  “And... you should’ve known then”

  “Jake, it doesn’t matter,” she sighed, “the point is that I didn’t notice until now.”

  “So what?” you asked, “you wanted to talk to tell me that you never wanted to be with me? I don’t get why you couldn’t just wait for me to come to you or why you had to stop everything for this”

  “Jake..”

  “I mean no, you didn’t stop everything but you might as well have”

  “Jake...” you heard her say, trying to get you to stop but you continued rambling

  “But that’s what I do. For you. I drop everything as soon as you call or text because you need me and I like that you need me, so I stop and run to you”

  “Jacob!”

  “WHAT?”

  “I LOVE YOU, TOO” she shouted over you, her eyes closing softly when she realized how loud she was. “I didn’t realize it until I looked back at everything and I didn’t think it was actually how I felt because, I mean, it’s you...” she chuckled, “and it’s me. We couldn’t be an ‘us’ but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted there to be an ‘us.‘ I knew you were mad, you weren’t taking my calls or responding to my texts -- even though I saw that you had read them -- and I didn’t want to make things worse but I hated not having you around to tell me that I burnt my pizza, again, or that I should eat more fish or that I was a terrible tour guide. I hated not hearing your voice everyday or seeing your smile,” you began walking toward her as she continued to ramble, your heart warm with each word that left her lips, “I was always confused why you weren’t with anyone and why I was happy that you never were but when I figured it out, everything made sense. You finally made sense...” she stopped when you stood in front of her, closing any space between the two of you

  “You done?” you asked with a smirk

  “I-I think so...” she stammered as your hands crept to the sides of her neck, your thumb pushing her chin up so you could lean down and capture her lips slowly. She welcomed your lips as if they had been missing from hers for a lifetime but her arms stayed at her sides for a minute longer until it was too much for her and she let her hands clutch your wrists while your tongue glided across her lip to gain access inside her mouth. She let out a small moan when her mouth opened, earning a smirk from you before your hands fell from her neck, down her body, until they cupped her ass and you picked her up; her legs instinctively wrapping your hips, mirroring her arms wrapping around your neck. You set her down on the hood of your car while your tongues intertwined with each other and her fingers tangled in your hair. It took a while for either of you to break the kiss, leaving her chest heaving as she tried to her breath

  “I’ve wanted to do that for so long” you laughed as her head fell against your chest and you kissed her forehead

  “And?” she asked, lifting her head back up to look at you

  “It was better than I thought it would be”

  “Gee,” she scoffed, pushing your shoulder playfully, “thanks”

  “I think we just need to keep doing it” you teased

  “I can do that”

  “Good” you whispered, leaning back in to press a kiss to her lips as she smiled against your lips

  “Maybe we should go somewhere private” she whispered

  “Sure” you replied, distracted by the feel of her skin under your fingertips, before you moved your lips to her neck, eliciting small whimpers from her

  “Jake...” she moaned and you hummed against her skin, smirking to yourself, “somewhere private...”

  “Fine,” you smirked, reluctantly agreeing with you before picking her up again to carry her back into the passenger seat. You sat in the drivers seat but didn’t make any moves, half hoping that she’d pull you into the backseat and say that this was ‘private enough’ but she didn’t do that. Instead, she leaned across the centre console and kissed your cheek

  “Let’s go” she whispered in your ear, making you smile before your hand found its way to her knee, stationing itself there throughout the drive. She stopped you from moving your hand further up your thigh by grabbing it, holding it with both of hers

  “Hey,” you whispered, bringing her hand to your lips, “we’re gonna have a lot of fun together”

  “Yeah,” she smiled, “I think so, too.”

[kpopfanfictrash]

A Holly, Jolly Crisis (Teaser)

Posting Date: December 18th, 6:00 PM CT (UTC/GMT-05:00)

Creative Contributor: @underthejoon​ for this wonderful banner!

Genre:  Rom-Com / Ex-Childhood Best Friends to Lovers 

Pairing: Hoseok / Reader

Synopsis:  At this time last year, you thought you had it all. A kick-ass screenwriting job for the hottest TV show in LA, an actor boyfriend whose career was taking off and an affordable apartment with not one, but two bathrooms. Fast-forward to now and you’re single, soon-to-be jobless and searching for a way to scrape together January rent. Everything seems to be falling apart, which was why you told your family you weren’t coming home for the holidays. Enter your little sister, Sara, who recently became engaged to her boyfriend, Yoongi and needs you home to celebrate. The biggest problem? Returning home means you’ll be forced to face everything and everyone you left behind, including Yoongi’s best man – and your ex-best friend, Hoseok.

[ PART OF THE ONCE UPON A HOLIDAY COLLABORATION ]

Estimated WC: 37K

Rating: 18+

Preview: 2,455

Dear Y/N Y/L/N,

Thank you for taking the time to send our team your screenplay for One for the Money. It was a pleasure learning about your characters and ideas.

Unfortunately, we did not select your spec script at this time for further consideration.

Not wanting to read the rest of the rejection email, you clicked back to your inbox and moved the message to trash. Releasing a sigh, you slumped in the hard, plastic airport chair beneath you. This had to be your fifteenth rejection email this month, which didn’t bode well for your screenplay’s future.

The screenplay in question was your self-written TV series – One for the Money. You’d been working on it for years and had just begun sending it out to studios. If a screenplay was written outside a studio and shopped around after, it was often called a spec script. This stood for speculative screenplay and you supposed that right now, this was the best descriptor.

A screenplay without a studio was practically nothing. Speculative, indeed.

Glancing up from your phone, you saw the flight’s status on the board had moved from green to red – delayed. Stifling another sigh, you switched apps on your phone to check the weather. Winter storms were sweeping through the Midwest, resulting in a delay of holiday travel. This was precisely the reason you hadn’t wanted to go home this year.

Well, it wasn’t the only reason you were dreading your return to Josen Falls. You hadn’t seen your family in over a year but had still planned on staying in LA for Christmas and New Years. A wrench had been thrown in these plans when your sister, Sara, became engaged to her boyfriend, Yoongi.

Yoongi had only had one request when it came to wedding planning – that they be married in the same church his parents had been, a beautiful venue up north of the city. Of course, the only available date at said church within three years was June 30th. Seven months was practically nothing to plan a wedding, but Sara was determined to make it happen. Hence the need to have you at home.

Don’t get you wrong – of course, you were excited about Sara and Yoongi. You’d been the one who introduced them, after all, through your former best friend. They were perfect together and you were nothing but ecstatic to see your little sister so happy. The only unfortunate part about her life coming together was it happened to come at the same time as yours falling apart.

One year prior, you would’ve said you were on the right path. Things had been going well in nearly every part of your life. Your TV show was about to release its second season, you’d been dating Darren for nearly nine months and had found a reasonably priced one-bedroom apartment in a coveted neighborhood. Everything had been looking up, considering your previous year in LA, where paychecks had been scarce, and you’d been dangerously close to asking your parents for money.

Now, you found yourself back in the same situation. Uncertain where your next paycheck was coming from, recently single and unsure how you were going to make rent next month.

Your coveted Hollywood job had been as a screenwriter for The Drop, a critically acclaimed show which ended abruptly this year after a dispute with the main actor. The third – and final – season was set to air in the new year on Netflix, but after that you’d be out of a job.

Hence the desperate pitch of your spec script to every mainstream television producer with an open inbox. Suffice to say, things were not going well.

This was evidenced by the uncomfortable chair you’d squeezed yourself into at the airport, having been forced to give up your pass to Admirals Club. The cost just couldn’t be justified right now. Forlornly, you stared at the ticket you held in your hand.

It had been nearly a year since you’d last visited home. At first, this hadn’t been a purposeful decision. You’d been swamped at work, preparing for the Golden Globes and seasons one and two of The Drop. Your ex-boyfriend, Darren, had been nominated for an Oscar last year, resulting in a lot of holiday parties to attend.

Last year had simply been too busy to come, but all that had changed in just a few months. It all started in March, when contract negotiations stalled with your leading actor, Tory River. Tory fancied himself a method actor, so when you refused to pay him the GDP of a small country, he decided to walk. Without him, the studio had to scrap the show. Better to leave things at three solid seasons than add a lukewarm fourth without the star.

You were told in May the third season would be the last and were highly encouraged to apply to other shows. Nothing had panned out from there and then, at the end of the summer, you were dealt another blow.

You should’ve known things were bad when Darren, your ex-boyfriend, called you himself instead of Molly, his assistant.

When you first met Darren Carmichael in LA, he was a struggling actor from Des Moines, Iowa. The Darren of September 2020 was no longer the Darren of early 2019, though – he’d long ditched the Midwest accent in favor of designer shades and loafers. High off an Oscar nomination and with job offers rolling in, you should’ve suspected something was wrong from the genuine contriteness to his tone.

The first thing he said to you was, “Did you pass a newsstand today?”

At first, you’d been baffled since no one walked past newsstands anymore. Logging into Twitter, you immediately saw why your boyfriend had been worried.

DARREN CARMICHAEL AND CO-STAR, JESSICA AVEC, CAUGHT CANOODLING ON SET OF RECENT MOVIE!

Frozen in place, you’d barely listened while he pleaded his case. Instead, you scanned the article and felt your emotions deaden with each word you read. Darren and Jessica had been caught making out when no cameras were rolling. You were only mentioned as a footnote, and not even by name.

Darren was previously dating a screenwriter in LA, although this seems to have ended several weeks prior.

You had wanted to scream at that point, wanted to call up the author and berate them for proper sources, but you didn’t do any of that. Instead, you sat eerily still while Darren yammered on and on about why he’d done what he’d done.

That had been the worst part. He hadn’t apologized – not really. Instead, he’d gone on about how hard it had been for him to be away, surrounded and worshiped by more available people. You had your career, he’d argued. You had other things, you didn’t need him and what he felt for Jessica seemed like the real thing.

Darren thought you should break up so he could begin dating her.

Numbly, you’d hung up the phone and blocked his number. That had been nearly three months ago at this point, but the sting of the breakup remained.

It wasn’t as though Darren had changed overnight. When you’d first met, he had been the super-cute barista at your favorite coffee shop. You two had bonded over being unable to find appropriately caffeinated beverages in LA and the rest, as they say, was history.

Then Darren landed a role as a recurring character on a popular Netflix show. What seemed like overnight, he became America’s heartthrob. Still, Darren had remained mostly the same at first. He went to work every morning, came home in the evenings and you continued to attend the same parties, run in the same circles.

Soon though, Darren was invited to more exclusive gatherings and slowly, his invitations transitioned from “Darren plus date” to “Darren.” You hadn’t protested at the time, not overly interested in canapés and pretentious conversation. The time you did spend together dwindled, going from Facetiming each night on his movie set to a harried phone call every other day.

Maybe you should’ve been more suspicious. Looking back on it now, the warning signs were all there, but you’d been too busy with work and worried about your show’s future. Darren had been distant and withdrawn, but you’d been okay because you’d been distant, too.

After you blocked his number, you’d kicked him out of your apartment. Packing everything he owned in boxes, you’d set these on the lawn and firmly shut the door. It was unfortunate that it rained before he could pick them up, but that couldn’t be helped. You refused to see him again – you even went so far as to have your assistant, Jimin, pick up Darren’s keys.

Jimin had done so gleefully, perhaps too gleefully, but that couldn’t be helped. Darren had tried to contact you a couple more times, but eventually he got the hint and the last you’d looked, he seemed blissfully happy with his vapid co-star.

Gritting your teeth, you exhaled. That wasn’t fair – you had no idea what Darren had told Jessica about you. For all you knew, she could’ve thought you’d been broken up.

Regardless, things had gone steadily downhill for you the past year. Single, nearly unemployed and running low on your savings, you could easily call this a low point in your life. Worst of all was your family didn’t know the true extent of it.

They knew you’d broken up with Darren, of course – that had been front page news for the nation. They also knew your TV series had ended, but they had no idea you were struggling as much as you were. Each time they called, you meant to tell them, but something managed to choke you every time.

Maybe it was that your mom was so excited about Sara’s wedding. Or maybe it was how diligently your dad had watched The Drop. Admitting you didn’t have a next step felt like defeat, so you’d purposefully kept things brief until you had something to tell.

The problem was none of your next steps seemed to be panning out. Again, your mind wandered to the rejection email in your trash.

“Excuse me? Are you Y/N Y/L/N?”

Blinking, you looked up and felt your heart sink.

The guy standing before you looked around college-age, dressed in a MORDOR FUN RUN t-shirt and wire-rimmed glasses. Clutching his laptop, he looked at you hopefully and you felt your heart sink even further. He had to be a film nerd.

“Um, yeah,” you said, trying to smile. “That’s me.”

This had happened to you a few times before. Even if you weren’t an actress, your name appeared at the end of every episode of The Drop. It hadn’t taken long for starry-eyed screenwriting ingénues to find you on Instagram.

Usually, you were patient in your responses, giving them as much advice as you could without being discouraging, but Lord of the Rings here had caught you on a bad night.

“No way!” he gushed, grinning widely. “I’m such a big fan of your writing. I swear, I’ve memorized the entire first season of The Drop.”

“Not the second, though?”

His face fell. “No, well – I, it’s a long series and…”

“I’m kidding,” you said with a smile. “That’s really nice.”

“I want to be a screenwriter myself, someday,” he said, shoving his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I’m in a program at UCLA and am searching for a summer internship. Any advice for someone who’s just starting out?”

Hesitant, you looked him up and down and wondered how honest to be. He seemed nice, looked hopeful and you were one hundred percent sure the industry would crush him.

“You want some advice?” you said as you stood from your seat. The light on the departures board had changed from red to green.

Eagerly, the guy nodded.

“Alright, here it is.” Slinging your bag over your chest, you said, “Don’t be a writer.”

The guy’s expression faltered. “What?”

“Don’t be a writer,” you said. “Screenwriting is one of the most fickle, unforgiving jobs in existence. Job security? None. Creativity? Only as much as shareholders allow. The industry will eat you up, spit you out and no one will give a damn. The glamorous profession you’ve dreamt of doesn’t exist. The best advice I can give you is run the other way.”

The guy stared at you, wide-eyed and for a moment, you felt a modicum of pity. Brushing this aside, you steeled your spine – better for him to find out now, while he could still change his major to something stable, like accounting.

“I, uh…” He paused, and then swallowed. “Thanks, I guess?”

“No problem,” you said, brushing past him as group numbers began to be called. At the last second, you turned around. “Best of luck in whatever you decide, though. Happy holidays, and all that.”

“Happy holidays,” he mumbled, in a daze.

As you entered the line, you bit down on your lip and began to regret your outburst. Some of your bitterness was based on your own experience; maybe his would be different. The guy had seemed excited and you’d just crushed his dreams.

Narrowing your gaze, you straightened. It would’ve happened to him sooner or later; of that you were certain. Better to warn him now than for him to learn it the hard way. You only wished someone had been kind enough to tell you this years ago.

Actually – a sliver of discomfort entered your thoughts, since someone had told you this last year. Someone had warned you about Darren, about your job and LA, but you’d chosen not to listen. Instead, you’d let your friendship crumble and hadn’t spoken to them since.

Just another reason going home for the holidays was going to suck. Going home meant you’d be forced to see Yoongi’s friends, which meant you’d be forced to see Hoseok. Yoongi and Hoseok were close, after all – they’d become friends in college, which was when Yoongi had been introduced to Sara.

It had been nearly a year now since you and Hoseok last spoke, despite having once considered him to be your best friend.

So, there it was. Reason six hundred and sixty-six why the holidays would suck. You were single, jobless and facing the imminent prospect of two weeks with people who either had their shit together or were a constant reminder of why you did not.

As you boarded the plane and settled into your seat, you pulled out your headphones and cranked up the volume. If you weren’t feeling particularly Christmas-y, you could at least try to numb the pain with alcohol and music.

Starting now, you decided, as you closed your eyes. Happy holidays, indeed.

[ TO BE CONTINUED ] 

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