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fatecantstopme · 1 year ago

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I Can't Walk Away

Pairing: Nick Amaro x plus size!reader

Summary: When you and your boyfriend break up, you're faced with the seemingly impossible task of putting yourself back together. Luckily for you, your very handsome coworker is more than happy to help along the way.

Warnings: Body image issues, low self-esteem, mentions of toxic/abusive relationships, cursing, use of pet names. SMUT, light dom/sub vibes, oral (F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V).

A/N: This was entirely self-indulgent and I have no regrets.

Spanish Translations:

Querida: sweetheart/darling

Hermosa: beautiful

Mierda: shit

Por favor: please

Si: yes

All other translations will be after the sentence in brackets/italics.

You dropped onto Olivia's couch with a huff, tears still threatening to break through your stubborn facade.

"Are we gonna talk about it or do I need to have someone beat him up?" Liv asked you, a small smirk gracing her face.

"As much as I'd love to see his ass get handed to him, I think we should avoid committing any crimes," you said lightly.

Olivia sighed softly and reached over to put her arm around you. You leaned into her shoulder and began to let your guard drop. Olivia had been your best friend for over a decade now, your time working together in SVU having brought you closer than you could have imagined.

"He was an asshole, (Y/N/N)," she said softly. "You deserve better."

"You say that, but I guess I just don't believe it," you muttered.

It nearly broke her heart to hear you speak so negatively of yourself, but she knew no matter how many uplifting words she spoke, you would still refuse to believe her.

"Maybe there's something wrong with me," you whispered, tears finally beginning to fall. "Maybe I'm broken--unloveable."

"Hey," she chided. "You are so many things, (Y/N), but broken and unloveable are not among them."

She tightened her grip on you, pulling you into a proper side hug. She let you cry into her shoulder, her own heart breaking along with yours.

You knew, objectively, she was right--your now-ex was indeed an asshole. He'd never treated you well and had often put you down and made you feel terrible about yourself. Your self-esteem had been lower than usual when you met him and in the 6 months you'd been together, he'd managed to destroy whatever vestige of self-love you had left.

There wasn't a single thing about you he didn't belittle. Whether it was your physical appearance, your career, your hobbies, your dreams...he made you feel like everything you ever did was a mistake. In his estimation, you were too fat, unintelligent, boring...and your choice in career was just about the worst thing you could do.

You'd made it your mission in life to help the victims of particularly heinous crimes, which is why you'd been working at SVU for almost 12 years. You were the squad's forensic psychologist, and you loved your work. In many respects, it was the one thing that really brought joy to your life. It was your greatest passion--and the amount of time you spent at work certainly showed it.

Yet during those 6 months with him...your love for the job had begun to wane. Every time you'd stay late or have to cancel a date, he'd berate you for it--mocking your job and your inability to 'be a real person'. Now that you'd finally taken the leap and broken up with him, you were hopeful you could fall back in love with your work.

In this moment, however, all you could think about were the horrible things he'd said to you when you told him you wanted to break up. He'd been especially cruel, calling out every physical insecurity you had and making you feel like an absolute pile of human garbage. He'd called you fat, ugly, unloveable, gross...and a million other things you couldn't bear to repeat.

You weren't thin--you knew that, but you weren't gross. That was just offensive. Unfortunately, he wasn't the first ex to make comments about your weight--something you'd been struggling with for most of your adult life. The words had hit you harder than you'd expected, making you actually think he might be right...maybe you were the problem.

Olivia's voice broke you out of your thoughts, "Do you want to stay here tonight?"

You just nodded, not trusting your voice to answer her properly.

She squeezed you a little tighter, her reassuring presence grounding you in ways you desperately needed. You were always thankful for her friendship, but it was moments like this where you were reminded how much she really meant to you.

**********

You'd spent most of the weekend at Olivia's and by the time Monday rolled around, you were feeling a little bit better. She always knew what to do and say to make everything okay. It was a gift you'd always envied and appreciated.

It was very typical of you to be the first person in the office, having been an early riser most of your life. So you were more than a little surprised when you walked into the precinct Monday morning and spotted Nick Amaro sitting at his desk.

"You're in early," you commented lightly in lieu of greeting.

He turned his gaze to look over at you and shot you a disarming smile. "I couldn't sleep, so I figured I might as well get a head start on some paperwork I've been putting off."

"Wise man. Wouldn't want to upset the boss."

He grinned. "She's strict." His voice was teasing and warm and it made you feel something in your gut you always tried to ignore.

In truth, you were extremely attracted to Nick--it was undeniable. You had not, nor would you ever, tell him or act on it. Nick was so far out of your league it wasn't even funny. Besides, he was newly single, still fresh from his divorce.

"She can be calmed with good coffee and blueberry muffins," you said conspiratorially.

Nick chuckled. "I'm gonna have to write that down."

You offered him a smile before continuing past him to your office. You were surprised when his voice stopped you after a few steps.

"How was your weekend?"

You turned back to face him. "Friday was absolute shit," you said honestly. "But I spent Saturday and part of yesterday with Liv, so it's better now."

A look of concern crossed his face. "Everything okay?"

You feigned a smile. "Everything's fine. Thanks for asking."

His eyes narrowed as he gazed at you skeptically. "Is it that guy again?"

Your cheeks darkened, embarrassed Nick even knew about your ex. "We broke up."

Nick almost looked relieved. "I would say sorry, but it wouldn't be honest. I never liked the guy--he didn't treat you right."

You were surprised he paid enough attention to the things you said to know just how badly your ex had treated you. "Oh?"

Nick stood up and took a couple steps closer to you. He was still a professional distance away, but he could speak quieter so only you could hear him.

"You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You're an amazing woman, (Y/N), and a good man would never treat you the way he did. He clearly didn't recognize your worth."

His words slammed into you with surprising force. "I-um-thank you," you muttered softly.

"You can thank me by dating a man who will love you the way you deserve," he said lowly. "Como una reina." [Like a queen.]

His last three words were so quiet you weren't even sure you'd heard him properly--or if you were supposed to hear them at all. You weren't fluent in Spanish by any means, but you understood the basics...enough to know he'd said something about a queen. That is, if you heard him correctly.

You were about to ask him to elaborate when Olivia came into the squad room. She sent a warm smile your way and issued greetings to both you and Nick. Her arrival broke whatever spell Nick had been under, and he went back to his desk quietly.

You went into your office, leaving the door open behind you so you could hear the goings on and the arrival of the rest of the squad. There were plenty of things for you to do, but you couldn't get Nick's words out of your head.

**********

Olivia looked up from her computer when Nick knocked on the doorframe entering her office.

"Mind if I come in?" he asked.

"Sure," she said with a smile.

He came in and quietly shut the door behind him.

"Uh-oh...closed door conversation? Everything okay?"

"With me, yes," he answered. "But I wanted to ask you something and I don't want anyone overhearing."

"Okay..."

"It's about (Y/N)."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "What about her?"

"She mentioned she'd spent the weekend with you and she and that asshole broke up."

Olivia chuckled softly, glad to hear she wasn't the only one who hated your ex.

"I know it's not really my business, but I can tell something is really upsetting her. Hell, I've noticed a change in her since the moment they started dating--and not in a good way."

"He isn't a good person," Olivia conceded.

"Tell me about it," Nick muttered. "Anyway, I just--well, I just want to know if she's okay? I mean, really okay."

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I did, but I know she wasn't being honest with me."

Olivia sighed. She had a feeling he was asking about you for a reason, but she wasn't sure it was her place to tell him the truth. She was torn between being honest with her partner and keeping her best friend's pain to herself.

"I don't know if it's my place to tell you, but he did say some particularly cruel things about her when she broke up with him."

Nick's eyes narrowed and Olivia could see the anger flare in them. "What did he say to her?" Even his voice was laced with fury--the mere idea someone would hurt you sent him off the edge.

"I can't tell you," Olivia answered. "But if you really want to know, then I think you should talk to her. She trusts you, so she may open up to you."

Nick nodded, anger still boiling beneath the surface. "You're right--I didn't mean to intrude or anything."

Olivia shook her head. "It's alright. I know you care about her...I guess I'm just a little surprised by your anger."

He winced slightly, feeling embarrassed for his display of emotion. "I don't like the idea of some guy making her feel like shit."

"Neither do I," she said honestly. "I am curious though...what made you ask about her?"

"Wha-what do you mean?"

Olivia smiled slowly. "I mean, why do you want to know badly enough to ask me?"

Nick had a feeling Olivia could see right through him--they'd been partners for a few years after all. He wasn't sure how to answer--or if he wanted to be entirely truthful. In the end, he opted for vague honesty. "I care about her."

Olivia watched his expression in silence for a long moment before responding. "So do I."

Nick could see the meaning behind her words as clearly as if she'd spoken them aloud--don't hurt my friend. He didn't say it, but he hoped Olivia knew he would never hurt you...it would break his heart.

**********

"Hey (Y/N/N). You busy?"

You looked up to see Nick standing in your office doorway, leaning against the frame. You swallowed thickly as you pushed down the improper thoughts blazing through your mind at the sight.

"Uh--no. What's up?"

He stepped into the room, edging closer to your desk. "I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight. My treat."

You raised your eyebrows at him, unsure of the cause of his request. "Is there some sort of celebration I'm unaware of?"

He chuckled lightly. "Other than your new-found freedom, no. I just...well, I wanted to spend a little time with you. Ya know, if you want."

You bit your bottom lip as you contemplated his offer. "Well, I don't have any other plans, so why not?"

He grinned. "Excellent. Do you want time to go home first or just leave from here?"

You looked down at your outfit, suddenly feeling very frumpy and unattractive. You knew he wasn't asking you out on a date--just a friend inviting you to dinner to cheer you up. Even still, you really didn't want to go out looking like this. "Do you mind if I go home and change first?"

"Not at all. I can pick you up from your place, if you'd like?"

"Oh, uh-yeah. Sure."

He smiled again. "Perfect. 6:30?"

You nodded. "Sounds good."

You watched him walk out of your office, mind racing as you tried to figure out his motivations and what the hell you were gonna wear.

**********

By the time 6pm rolled around, you'd managed to change your clothes somewhere in the realm of 50 times, and you still weren't entirely satisfied. Even your favorite outfit didn't feel right--you could hear your ex's voice in the back of your mind telling you everything you tried on looked bad.

You dug further into your closet, looking for something simple--cover the things you wanna hide and accentuate the things you wanna show off. Your eyes fell on a beautiful black dress you'd actually never worn. You'd purchased it on a whim because you'd loved it in the store and Olivia had insisted it was too perfect to pass up on.

You pulled the dress off the hanger and put it on, pleased it still fit properly. When you turned to look in the mirror, you almost didn't recognize yourself--you actually felt pretty. The bodice of the dress was tight, but the lower half was flowy. The material was a soft, stretch satin, with a low neckline and flutter sleeves. The dress hit right above your knees and it practically screamed for a pair of heels.

You found your favorite black pumps, slipping them on and smiling at your reflection. You put on some jewelry to spice up the look, sprayed your favorite perfume, and double checked your hair and makeup one last time. You didn't wear much makeup on the daily, so you didn't go too wild with your makeup for the evening. You'd added some eyeliner and lipstick, but otherwise you looked natural. You'd actually been having a good hair day already, so you were pleased to see it was still behaving properly.

You'd just put the last finishing touches on the outfit when you heard the buzzer ring. You quickly went to answer it, and upon hearing Nick's voice, told him you'd be right down.

You took one last look in the mirror, took a deep breath, and headed downstairs feeling both excited and trepidatious. You reminded yourself once again this was just two friends having dinner--purely platonic...but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn't want it to be an actual date.

Nick was waiting just outside the front entrance to your apartment building, and he turned around when he heard the door open. Nothing could have prepared you for the look on his face when he saw you.

"Santa mierda," he breathed. "You look incredible." [Holy shit.]

You blushed and looked away. "Thank you," you mumbled softly.

He stepped towards you and gently touched your chin, lifting your face to meet his gaze. "You're very welcome."

He dropped his hand, but his eyes stayed fixed on your face for a long moment. "Do you like Italian?" he asked.

"Of course," you answered, silently pleased your voice sounded normal.

"Excellent." He gestured towards his car and you followed behind him. He opened the passenger door and helped you in before getting in the driver's seat.

The drive wasn't very long, and your nerves kept you quiet for most of the ride. You listened to him chatter on about nothing, simply enjoying the sound of his voice.

When you arrived at the restaurant, he once again opened your door and helped you out, but this time his hand didn't leave yours. He placed your hand through the loop he'd made with his arm and guided you to the entrance.

Once you were seated, your nerves began to ratchet up even higher. Unfortunately for you, Nick was both an extremely good detective and an annoyingly perceptive person. As such, he noticed your discomfort immediately.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," you lied.

"It's just me, (Y/N/N)," he said quietly.

You exhaled slowly--realizing he was right. It was Nick for God's sake. He was your colleague, your friend. There was no reason to be nervous. "You're right."

He smiled, reaching across the table to squeeze your hand. He pulled it back to his side of the table as the server arrived for your drink order.

You were grateful for the glass of wine he delivered moments later, lifting it to your lips almost immediately. You knew the liquid would calm your nerves--maybe then you wouldn't embarrass yourself.

"I'm glad you agreed to have dinner with me," Nick said softly as he sipped his own glass of wine.

"I was a little surprised, in all honesty."

"That I asked or that you agreed?" he teased lightly.

You smiled. "Definitely the former."

"I hate seeing you upset," he admitted. "I thought I might be able to cheer you up a little."

"Thanks, Nick. You're a good friend."

His face fell slightly, but he quickly hid it behind a soft smile. "May I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Whatever he was going to ask was cut off by the arrival of the server to take your food order.

As soon as the server left the table, Nick leaned forward and lowered his voice. "What did he say to you that hurt you so much?"

"What?"

"Your ex."

Your expression shifted and you looked down at the table. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

"Why?"

"Because whatever he said hurt you--and I'm willing to bet my career that he was wrong."

Your eyes snapped back up to meet his. His expression was deadly serious, yet it somehow put you at ease in a way only Nick could. "He said some unpleasant things about my physical appearance that I could have lived without hearing."

Surprise lit up his handsome face. "Unpleasant things about your appearance? I'll bet my life he was wrong."

Now it was your turn to be surprised. "I wouldn't make that bet, Nick."

"I'm confident. Tell me what he said and I'll judge for myself."

You took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before giving him a quick overview. "Essentially he said I'm unattractive and fat--I recall the word 'gross' being used as well."

Nick's temper flared instantly, the urge to punch that son of a bitch in the face nearly overwhelming. "He said what?"

Even if you didn't know Nick, you would have been able to see the rage simmering in his eyes, hear it in his tone. "It's not a big deal."

"If he was here, I'd launch him through a window. Bastard."

"I'm okay," you reassured him quietly.

Your soft voice grounded him, as it so often did, and he felt his anger dissipating. He was still angry, but the urge to hunt that asshole down had begun to fade.

"He was wrong, you know."

"Huh?"

"He was wrong. Not only are you one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on, but your body is perfectly proportioned--deliciously soft and curvy. You're about as far from gross as a human being can be."

He spoke with such conviction, such assuredness, that you almost believed him--almost.

"While I appreciate the compliment, Nick, you've never seen me naked...your opinion would change, trust me."

Nick's eyes flared with a new kind of intensity. "I highly doubt that."

"His did," you said quietly.

"He clearly didn't know what he had."

Your eyes met his, shoulders tense, discomfort obvious in every movement you made.

"Listen to me, (Y/N). I'll say it as many times as it takes for you to believe me--I think you're gorgeous. Stunning. Elegante. Sin fin perfecta." [Elegant. Endlessly perfect.] He reached for your hand and you let him take it in his. "You are a prize, (Y/N). Any man worth a damn would be honored to call you his."

You didn't know what to say. His words surprised you and warmed your soul at the same time. You could also feel the familiar tightening in your gut, accompanied by an entire swarm of butterflies dancing in your stomach.

"Forget every terrible thing he ever said to you, hermosa. Let me fill your mind with praise. Let me remind you of your beauty, inside and out, of your brilliance, of your kindness, your empathy...of all the little things that make you the incredible woman you are."

"Nick..." you whispered, his name the only coherent thing you were able to utter.

The moment was shattered by the arrival of your food. You'd been hungry when you sat down at the table, but your body was now flooded with a very different kind of hunger--a hunger you now believed Nick shared.

"Thank you, Nick," you said softly. "I know it's not nearly enough, but thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I meant every word."

You gave him a small smile. "Still..."

He returned the expression.

The two of you ate in silence for several minutes, minds clearly elsewhere. After a while, Nick noticed you'd done more moving the food around the plate than actually eating and he called you out on it.

"Eat your food, querida. You'll need your strength."

Your head snapped up, eyes meeting his gaze. "For what?"

He leaned forward. "If you'll let me, I'm going to spend several hours showing you exactly how sexy I think you are."

You gulped. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

He grinned wolfishly. "By worshipping that amazing body of yours...over and over again, until you're screaming my name."

You suddenly found it very difficult to breathe, let alone eat. Nick, on the other hand, went right back to eating his food as if he hadn't just threatened you with an incredibly good time.

You had to force yourself to focus on your food, desperately trying to ignore the throbbing between your legs.

As soon as the meal was over, Nick asked for the check and paid, revealing just how desperate he was to get back to your place.

Once again, he helped you into the car, only this time his hand lingered on the small of your back.

Anticipation flooded through you as Nick drove through the streets of the city. You'd wanted him for so long--never once thinking he'd reciprocate the desire. Despite his words earlier in the evening, you still felt a shred of self-doubt...worrying he might not find you as attractive once you were naked.

"Where's that pretty head at, querida?" he asked softly, noticing your anxiety.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course."

"If you don't want to go through with this...you know, when you see me without my clothes on...please just tell me. I don't want you to feel like you have to do something you don't wanna do."

He reached over and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly. "I don't have to promise that because I know what I want, (Y/N)...and that's you. You could be a alien underneath those clothes and I'd still want you."

You laughed lightly. "I promise I'm not an alien."

He grinned. "Then we're gonna be just fine, baby."

You closed your eyes, silently willing yourself to believe him. You trusted him with your life--something you'd never experienced with any of your past relationships. Every fiber of your being told you Nick would never hurt you on purpose--never. You just needed to trust him--let go of your pain and give in to your desires.

When you finally made it back to your apartment, Nick gave you a gentle reminder. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to, (Y/N)."

"I want to," you whispered.

He inhaled slowly and took a step towards you. "Say 'no' or 'stop' and I'll stop immediately, okay? No hard feelings--I won't push you."

"I don't want to say no, Nick."

He took another step towards you, effectively backing you against the wall. "If you wanna stop--"

"Nick, please just kiss me," you begged softly.

He groaned softly before leaning in to press his lips to yours. His kiss was like fire and ice--more addictive than any drug known to man. He kissed you like you were the air he needed to breathe--like he would rather suffocate to death than stop.

He pressed his warm body against yours, wedging his knee between your thighs to keep you from squeezing them together. His tongue tangled with yours, quickly asserting dominance as he deepened the kiss.

Your hands went to the buttons on his white button down, quickly undoing them in a desperate need to feel his skin. He helped you remove the shirt, followed by his undershirt, leaving his toned chest bare for you to see.

You bit your lip and stifled a soft groan as you appreciated his form.

"You can touch me, querida," he said softly. "I wanna feel your soft hands on my skin."

You did as he asked, hands gliding over his smooth, tan skin. He sighed softly and leaned into your touch, lips grazing your jaw affectionately.

Your hands traveled to his hips and you began to loosen his belt. He allowed you to unbutton his pants and he helped you remove them.

"I think you're a bit overdressed for the occasion, hermosa," he teased huskily.

You tensed slightly, a feeling of dread washing over you.

Of course, Nick felt it and instantly began to sooth your worries. "You can keep on as much as you want, querida, but I want to see you. I've wanted to touch you like this since the day I met you. But if you're more comfortable keeping your clothes on, that's alright."

You looked up at him, his dark eyes warm and honest. You took a deep breath and pushed him back slightly, giving yourself the room to pull your dress off over your head.

You dropped your dress to the ground, but your eyes didn't meet his gaze--you couldn't even bring yourself to look at his face, too afraid of what you might see there.

"Querida, por favor," Nick whispered. "Look at me."

You looked up at him slowly, a soft gasp leaving your lips as you took in his hungry expression.

"I wanna kiss every square inch of your beautiful body, hermosa. Will you let me?"

You nodded tentatively.

"I need to hear you say it, baby," he pleaded.

"I want you Nick, please."

He groaned and pressed his body against yours again. "Say that again, querida."

"I want you," you whispered.

"Fuck--" He slammed his lips against yours, sliding his tongue into your mouth almost immediately. You melted in his arms, reveling in the feeling of his body against yours.

He finally pulled away to catch his breath, but his hands didn't leave your body. Now that he'd touched you so intimately, he never wanted to stop.

"Come with me," he whispered, before guiding you to your bedroom. "Lay down on the bed for me, querida."

You did as he asked, noticing how his eyes never left your body.

He made sure you were looking at him before he began to lower his boxer briefs, slowly revealing his large cock. He was already painfully hard, a bead of precum lingering at the tip.

You licked your lips in anticipation, an action he noticed with pride.

"Like what you see, hermosa?"

"Very much so."

He smiled and climbed onto the bed, covering your soft body with his hard one. "May I take off your bra?"

You nodded.

"Baby..." he said in a clear warning tone.

You understood his meaning instantly, a flood of arousal going straight to your core at the order. "Yes, papi."

His eyes widened for a moment, surprised and pleased at your use of the title. "Such a good girl, aren't you?"

A soft moan left your lips at the praise and he smiled to himself, pleased he was able to suss out what you liked.

His hand snaked around your back, deftly unclasping your bra with surprising ease. The moment your breasts were bared to his gaze, his mouth descended on you, taking a pert nipple into his mouth.

You moaned softly, fingers intertwining into his dark locks. His lips and hands massaged your breasts, giving them equal attention. True to his word, he moved tantalizingly slowly down your body, kissing every inch of skin he could, while avoiding where you needed him most.

By the time he made his way back up to your face, you were begging him to touch your pussy--pleading for some relief.

"Nick, please--I need you."

"What did you call me?" he asked harshly.

Your eyes widened lustfully. "I'm sorry, papi!"

He smiled, ghosting his fingers across your still-clothed pussy. "That's my good girl."

You whimpered at the feather-light touches he placed to your mound, desperate for more. "Please, papi."

"Hmm? Qué deseas?" [What do you want?]

"Please touch me," you begged.

"I am touching you, querida."

"More, papi. Please!"

He smiled. "Normally I'd take my time teasing you--making you beg for what you want...but if I'm being honest, I'm as desperate to touch you as you are to feel it, so I'll be nice to you this time."

He tugged your panties off quickly before spreading your thighs as wide as he could, revealing your dripping wet folds.

"All this for me, baby?" he growled.

"Only you, papi," you responded.

"Yeah? No one else makes you this wet?"

You shook your head vehemently. "No one else."

"Now I have one rule, hermosa. I wanna hear you--every little sound coming out of that pretty mouth. Be as loud as you want. Entiendes?" [Understand?]

"Si, papi," you whimpered.

He smirked as he lowered himself down onto the bed between your legs. His strong hands gripped your hips and he tugged you as close to his face as he could before diving into your pussy with a deep groan of pleasure.

You gasped at the sensation, the sound quickly becoming moans of enjoyment. Nick was quite skilled with his mouth--his tongue alone made you feel things you'd never before experienced.

Your fingers tangled into his hair, tugging at the roots as you desperately sought your release.

Nick held you in place as he continued his assault on your pussy, ensuring he had complete control over your pleasure.

"Feels so good," you gasped. "Gonna cum, papi."

He groaned against your clit, the vibrations sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body. He could feel how close you were by the way your thighs tried to close and your grip on his hair tightened.

Your moans became more desperate--needy, and he slid two fingers into your pussy, gently pressing into your g-spot rapidly.

You cried out, legs shaking slightly, seconds before your orgasm ripped through you like a tidal wave. His name left your lips in a gasped scream as he worked you through your high, only stopping when you began to squirm away.

You were completely breathless when he lifted his head, mouth and chin soaked in your juices. He licked his lips and wiped his mouth on his hand, licking it clean as he maintained eye contact with you. "You taste so good baby...I can't get enough."

You reached for him and he obliged, leaning forward to kiss you softly. You tasted yourself on his lips and tongue, a soft sound of pleasure escaping into his mouth.

"Querida," he whispered against your lips. "I need to be inside you."

"Please," you whimpered.

"Do you have protection?"

"I'm on the pill..."

"I'm clean," he assured you.

"Me too."

He lined his cock up with your entrance and looked back up at your face. "Are you sure, hermosa?"

"Si papi. I want you to fuck me."

He groaned softly before thrusting into you, sheathing himself fully inside of you in one swift movement.

You cried out, the stretch both overwhelming and extremely pleasurable all at once. You clutched his neck and he breathed deeply, trying to calm his racing heart.

"You can move," you whispered.

"Not yet, querida. I need a moment."

"Are you okay?" you asked in concern.

"Your pussy feels so damn incredible, baby...I'm just trying to control myself so I don't hurt you."

You bit your lip and lifted his face up to look at you. "I like a little bit of pain, papi." You clenched your pussy tightly for emphasis.

"Mierda," he ground out. "You sure?"

"Fuck me senseless, Nick. Por favor."

As much as he loved you calling him 'papi', hearing you say his name like that made him feral. He pulled out and thrust back in harshly, starting a fast, hard pace.

"Baby, say my name again," he begged.

"Nick," you moaned lowly.

"Fuck." He was fucking you like it was the last thing he was ever going to do and you'd never experienced anything like it.

You felt the coil tightening in your abdomen, and for the first time in your life, you knew you were going to cum during penetration. Your moans were loud enough to wake the neighbors, your nails dug into his muscular back, and your pussy had his cock in a vice grip.

"You gonna cum for me, (Y/N)?"

You nodded rapidly, unable to voice a response. The only thing coming out of your mouth was a string of incoherent moans and pleas.

"I wanna feel you cum, baby. Cubre mi polla." [Coat my cock.]

"Nick!" you whined.

"What do you need, querida? Tell me."

"More," you whimpered.

He slipped his hand between your bodies and began to gently massage your clit. "This what you need, baby?"

"Nick!" you screamed. "Don't stop!"

"That's it, baby. That's it. I've got you. Cum for me, querida. Ven por mí." [Come for me.]

You cried out in ecstasy as the waves of pleasure overwhelmed your senses. You clung to him desperately, as if he was a life raft while you were adrift in the ocean.

He began to chase his own high as you came down, your awareness coming back to you. His thrusts were fast and rough, his breathing ragged.

"I want you to cum for me, papi. Fill me up," you begged.

"Dios mio! You feel so good, baby. Wanna cum for you."

You clenched your pussy as tightly as you could, desperate for him to enjoy this as much as you did.

"(Y/N)!" he cried out as he came, his hot seed filling you up.

His thrusts slowed and faltered before he finally collapsed on top of you, breathless and satiated.

You held him close, running your fingers through his hair as he caught his breath. You were a little worried he would regret this now that it was over, but your fears were assuaged the moment he lifted his head to look at you.

His beautiful brown eyes were warm and loving as he gazed at you, happiness and contentment clear in his expression. "That was incredible," he murmured softly.

You blushed slightly. "You were incredible."

"As were you, querida."

He pressed his lips to yours as he pulled himself up. He rolled onto his side and pulled you with him, so your head rested against his chest.

"I'm thinking we take a power nap, then we go for round two," Nick said softly.

"Round two?!"

He grinned. "I did promise you I was gonna worship this sexy body of yours for hours."

"I didn't think you were serious, Nick," you said with a chuckle.

"Oh, baby, I'm always serious about worshipping you. I think you'll learn that very quickly."

You smiled and kissed his chest softly. You debated whether you wanted to voice the question that popped into your head, but once again, Nick beat you to it.

"You know this isn't a one time thing, right?" Nick asked gently. "I mean, unless you want it to be."

You looked up at him, expression soft and affectionate. "I was actually just going to ask you that."

He grinned. "So...you saying you might wanna see me again?"

"I see you every day, Nick," you teased.

"I mean like this, hermosa. Naked in your bed, making you scream my name, giving you as much pleasure as your pretty little body will take."

Your breath hitched in your chest, giving away just how badly you wanted that. "That too."

He chuckled and kissed the top of your head. "If I'm lucky, you'll let me take you out more too. Dinner, dancing, walks in the park, musicals...whatever you want. Wherever you go, I want to be there too."

Your eyes widened in surprise and tears filled them. You'd never had someone speak to you the way Nick did, let alone want to be with you in the way he just described.

"Querida," he whispered as he wiped your eyes. "Don't cry."

"Tears of joy," you assured him. "I promise."

His expression warmed, filling with the love and admiration he clearly felt for you. "So you'll be mine then? Exclusively?"

Your lips parted and you smiled. "I would love that."

He smiled back. "Thank god...because whether you knew it or not, I've been yours exclusively for the past year."

"What?"

He blushed slightly. "I...well I've wanted to be with you since my marriage fell apart, but I didn't want you to think you were some kind of rebound, so I kept myself professional. It's gotten harder and harder to do and then seeing you dating someone who treated you so terribly knowing full-well I would die for you made it nearly impossible."

"I didn't know," you whispered.

"I went to great lengths to make sure of that," Nick said softly. "But now that I have you? Now that I know what it's like to touch you, hold you, kiss you, make love to you? Baby, I can't walk away. You're stuck with me."

You pulled yourself up into a sitting position, straddling his strong body. You leaned down to kiss him softly, pouring all of your emotion into the kiss. "There's no one I'd rather be stuck with, Nick Amaro," you whispered against his lips.

He grinned and wrapped his arms around you, kissing you with as much passion as he could muster. He was determined to spend every minute of the rest of his life making sure you knew how incredible you were, how much he appreciated you, and how madly in love with you he would always be.

#nick amaro x reader #nick amaro x reader smut #nick amaro x plus size reader #nick amaro x plus size reader smut #nick amaro smut #law and order svu #law and order svu smut

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alicentsgf · 4 months ago

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i think people tend to stumble into investing emotionally in tragedies without being fully prepared for it because an important element is that they dont start off tragic. Obviously. so you can be in too deep before you realise how bad its gonna get

the core element of tragedy is that it gradually reveals the inability of flawed characters to escape causing their own inevitable downfall. Yellowjackets is a tragedy and it always has been. more people will die, probably most of the survivors, if not all of them. and they will commit some truly heinous crimes along the way. i need everyone to be okay with this because i love the fan culture thats been built around this show (like fuck you guys are so funny and creative??), and i really dont want to see this become another space full of people who are angry and jaded because they refuse to accept the genre of the thing they love. if you love the characters and the tragic element becomes too much thats absolutely fine i totally get it and everyones allowed their own space to vent and share their opinions, but just remember its a feature of the genre, not a fault.

Van is probably also going to die this season, and if not that soon then probably in season 4. sorry i love her too, but the stage is set for it, there are so many signs. when that happens i need fans of the show to remember the genre of the story they're invested in and accept it as part of the journey. please believe me, i also very much wish we'd got more adult lottie and i totally feel for simone wanting to stay, but her death was not "just for shock value". i called it ages ago and so did others because it makes sense. Lotties individual arc in the story (to bring the other characters back together, back to the wilderness, and spark callies curiosity) has come to a natural end. and now we can begin to see the potential her death has to change the trajectory of every other main characters season. it could also propel callie (who is due some major character evolution imo) in some really interesting directions.

Besides. even if it hadnt happened right now, eventually it had to. this always had to be lotties ending because its what this story holds for every single character. every death confronts the audience with the idea of testing your faith and it failing you - for most their faith is in a friend or a belief system, or both (in travis' case). so yes, lottie dying like this was pretty inevitable.

#please dont hate me. im trying to save people some pain #yellowjackets #yj thoughts #yj spoilers #lottie matthews #yj meta

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burningcheese-merchant · 2 months ago

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Okay I was scrolling through the Hollysugar tag after some screenshots from a yuriful trailer popped up on my FYP, and I saw someone begging that Hollysugar be not toxic and able to be healthy, and that ‘Holly is forgiving’ and cursing out Shadowvanilla. What’s funny is 1. This was worded in such a way that it made it seem like OP though Pure Vanilla was also complicit in Shadowvanilla’s toxicity for… fighting back against Shadow Milk (I knew it… PV was the true manipulator all along… oh yeah it’s all coming together…) and 2… why can’t women be toxic, op? Huh???? Why can’t we have our well-deserved toxic yuri??? What do you, hate women???? /lh

Some dumb little stupid baby: pLeAsE dOn'T LeT HoLLySuGaR bE tOxiC waaaaaaahhhhhh I'm too cowardly to accept the dark reality of the Beasts' and Ancients' connection and do proper character exploration of both sides of the dynamic waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh I'm too weak to handle toxic yuri waaaaahhhhhh I dabble in mild sexism by thinking women are incapable of wrongdoing, thus denying women agency and the capacity to be fully realized complex human beings, instead forcing them to be perfect one-dimensional angels that exist only to soothe my paper-thin skin and cater to my boring modern fluffy coffee shop AU fantasies waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

(I'm exaggerating for comedic purposes lol. But regardless, that person genuinely is lame. Eternal Sugar is evil. She has committed heinous crimes against countless innocent people. There is simply no way for the relationship to not be toxic, at least to some degree, as ES is now. That stuff is part of the Beast x Ancient deal. It's enemies to lovers. It's hero/villain. It's forbidden love (but also not, because they're soulmates, forever bound to one another). You either accept that or you admit that Beast x Ancient is not for you. Come on man, have fun, live a little, it's fiction)

#why are so many CRK fans so boring lol. accept the Pretty Pink Toxic Yuri for what it is. embrace it. love it #if you want HollySugar to be healthy then that needs to be earned through a redemption arc. which is also super fun to explore #but it's also ok and fun to ship them as is. as hero and villain. the toxicity is par for the course #have that moral ambiguity. have that moral dilemma. have those stolen kisses they hate themselves for enjoying so much #live a little!!!!! be a little crazy! be a little dangerous! it's fun i promise #cookie run kingdom #hollysugar #eternalberry #merchant asks #also imagine wanting HollySugar while cursing out ShadowVanilla lol #hot take. you either like all the Beast x Ancient pairs or none of them. you can't only like one or two. they're all the same #“Holly is forgiving” bruh did you finish episode 8? did you see what Pure Vanilla did? what he said? his awakened title is “Compassionate”!#“Holly is forgiving” Pure Vanilla is literally a Jesus Christ allegory that's as “forgiving” as someone can get. fuck are you on about #first it was new fans throwing the other BxA pairs under the bus to prop up ShadowVanilla #now I guess it'll be the other pairs thrown under the bus to prop up HollySugar?#no matter what BurningCheese and MysticCacao always get the short end of the stick. it's so unfair #you either like all 5 or none of them. take them all or leave them all behind. any alternatives are cowardly and hypocritical

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physalian · 1 year ago

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What No One Tells You About Writing #4 (100 Follower Special!)

Have you got any that deserve to be on these lists? Don’t be shy! Send ‘em over.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

*This list contains mentions of assault, #4

1. Zero cursing is better than censored cursing

I made the mistake in the early days of writing a self-censoring character, and every “curse” she said just took the teeth out of the rest of the statement. I’m talking gosh, darn, dang, etc, not world-specific idioms a la “scruffy nerf herder” or “dunderhead” instead of “dumbass”.

Look to any American TV show that so, so badly wants to use f*ck or sh*t but has to appease the sensitive conservatives who still somehow believe strong language is worse than graphic violence and horrifying psychological damage. For shame! Your characters can be angry without expletives, so rework your sentences to include equally damning insults that don’t resort to potty mouths if you’re concerned about ratings.

Or go full-throttle into the idioms of the world or the time period like Pirates of the Caribbean. Or just… don’t. There’s zero modern cursing in the Lord of the Rings adaptation and not a single sentence that censors itself. The dialogue is above vulgarity and feels more *fantastical* that way anyway.

2. “Yeah, you aren’t the target audience.”

It’s kind of hilarious seeing the range of reader reactions to two characters I intend to have a romantic relationship. Some will go “I ship it!” after the first page of them together… and another will go “wait, I thought they were just friends” up until they kiss. Sometimes you might be too subtle, other times it might be better to just accept that you can’t rewrite your entire book to please one naysayer.

When I’m pitched a fantasy adventure book that turns out to be a by-the-numbers romance where no one is allowed to be a peasant and every important character is royalty in some way, with a way cooler fantasy backdrop, I get severely disappointed. That doesn’t mean the book is bad, it just means I’m not the target audience.

3. There is no greater character sin than making them boring

Unless you live in the wacky world we find ourselves in where any flaws whatsoever are apparently harmful depictions of so-and-so and not at all written with things like ~nuance~. I will gush over your heinous villain committing atrocities because he’s *interesting*. I will not remember Bland Love Interest who’s a generic everyman with zero compelling or intriguing traits or flaws.

There’s another tumblr post out there that I cannot find that says something like this, and I believe the post goes “his crimes are fiction, my annoyance is real”. Swap annoyance for boredom and you get what I mean. So, I don’t care what your character does so long as they’re memorable. I will either root for their victory or their doom, but I do need *something* to root for.

4. The line between “gratuitous” and “respectful” is actually very thick

Less what no one tells *you* about writing and more what no one tells screenwriters. Y’all do realize you can write a character who experiences assault without actually writing the assault, right? Fade to black, have them mention it in their backstory, or have the horrific aftermath as they come to terms with it. An abrupt cut to this devastated character when it’s all over and they’re alone with themselves can be incredibly poignant and powerful. This goes with anything sensitive, especially if it’s not coming from experience.

If you want to write it or film it respectfully, romanticizing assault, for instance, is when it’s framed as if either character has earned or “deserves” it. If the narrative in any way argues that it's justified. The victim might have "earned" it for any of the BS reasons we use in the real world, or the perpetrator might've "earned" it because of temptation, desire, pressure to assert dominance, etc. Representation is important, but are you “representing” to shed light on a misunderstood and maligned topic, or are you doing it to satisfy a fetish or bias in yourself?

5. Don’t let your eyes get bigger than your stomach

Fantasy has no limitations, which means you can dig way deeper into the well of your worldbuilding than you realize, until you look up and realize you’re stuck down there. I have never seen a more obvious inevitable disaster looming than the pilot of GoT season 5. Why? Nobody has any plans. They’re all just led around by whatever side quest the writers throw them on, twiddling their thumbs until the writers deign to pull the trigger on the White Walkers.

To the point that what should be a major character can skip an entire season because his arc is meaningless. Everything in the last half of that show was one big “eventually” while the story toiled around in an ever-expanding cast of characters and set pieces (seriously, it’s hilarious how jarring the extended version of the theme music became compared to the pilot episode to fit all these locations).

When you have too many directionless characters, too many plot elements, too many ideas you want to fully mature and get their due spotlight and then somehow combine them all together for a common foe in the end, writing can get tedious and frustrating very quickly. Why, I imagine, the book series remains unfinished. Fantasy is great for being able to create such complex worlds, but don’t be the snake that eats its own tail trying too hard.

6. No one cares about your agenda if you insult them to push it

This deserves its own post but here we go. Peddling an agenda is a paradox: those who agree with you won’t need to be preached to, and those who you want to persuade will instead reject you further because they feel belittle and disrespected. This is why so many recent “strong female characters” fail on both sides of the aisle. Feminists see an annoying caricature of the movement they’re passionate about. Antifeminists see an insufferable, shallow, liberal mouthpiece when they just want to be entertained. You have failed both sides, congrats.

The answer? Write a strong, nuanced, well-developed character. Then make them a woman. I know this has been said before but this BS keeps happening so clearly the screenwriters aren’t listening. Entertain me first. Entertain me so well I don’t even realize I’m learning.

7. Today’s audiences won’t react the same way as tomorrow’s

Sometimes genres or tropes get oversaturated and need a few years to cool off before audiences are receptive to them again—teen dystopia, anyone?—that doesn’t mean your story is inherently bad because it’s unpopular (nor does it mean it’s amazing because it is popular).

You should always write the book you want to read, not the book that chases trends. I can pick up a well-written teen dystopia I’ve never read before and enjoy it. I can continue to ignore Divergent because it has nothing to say. Write the book you want to read, but then accept that you might make no money because no one else wants to read it, not because they think it’s bad. And, who knows? You might get a boom of chatter months or years down the line when readers stumble upon an uncut gem.

8. Your characters don’t age with you

Depending on how long you’ve been working on your world and what age you were when you started, the characters, concepts, morals, and story you set out to tell might no longer reflect who you want to be as an author when all is said and done. Writing can take years, some of which can be incredibly turbulent and life changing. I wrote the first draft of my first original novel in my freshman year of college. Those characters and that draft are now unrecognizable and has left a world I’ve poured my heart and soul into in limbo.

I’ve slowly creeped up my characters’ ages. My writing has matured dramatically. The themes I wanted to explore in the height of the 2016 election are just demoralizing now. That book was my therapeutic outlet and, as consequence, my characters sometimes reflect some awful moods and mindsets that I was in when writing them. But nothing in that world grows without me tending to it. It’s not alive. Despite all the work I’ve done, there’s still more to be done, maybe even restarting the plot from the ground up. When I think of what no one told me about writing, staring at characters designed by someone I’m not anymore is the hardest reality to accept.

—

If you think I missed something, check out parts 1-3 or toss your own hat into the ring. Give me romance tropes. Mystery, thriller, historical fiction, bildungsromans, memoires, children’s books, whatever you want! Give me stuff you wish you’d known before editing, publishing, marketing, and more.

Also, don’t forget to vote in the dialogue poll!

#writing advice #writing resources #writing tips #writing tools #writing a book #writing #writeblr #fantasy #sci fi #character design #what no one tells you about writing

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literaryvein-reblogs · 5 months ago

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What are the laws? About ancient laws? I think there were old laws in the Chinese Empire that called for family extermination. your family was erased, but I don't know how much about it. I wanted to write the MC and sibling survived this law. and without them realizing it?

Writing Notes: The T'ang Code

Tang dynasty - (618–907 CE) or T'ang; Chinese dynasty that developed a successful form of government and administration on the preceeding Sui model, and stimulated a cultural and artistic flowering that amounted to a golden age.

Marked by strong and benevolent rule, successful diplomatic relationships, economic expansion, and a cultural efflorescence of cosmopolitan style, Tang China emerged as one of the greatest empires in the medieval world.

Merchants, clerics, and envoys from India, Persia, Arabia, Syria, Korea, and Japan thronged the streets of Chang’an, the capital, and foreign tongues were a common part of daily life.

This dynasty—like most—rose in duplicity and murder, and it subsided into a kind of anarchy. But at its apex, in the early 8th century, the splendour of its arts and its cultural milieu made it a model for the world.

The Tang dynasty also flourished because special attention was paid to molding an orderly society through the promulgation of sophisticated law codes. From ancient times, in China, law was viewed as an expression of the will of the emperor, whose pronouncements defined illegal conduct and proper punishments for it.

The T'ang Code

The T'ang Code contains 12 sections, and is divided into 2 parts:

an initial section expounding the general principles of criminal law, and

a second section setting forth the specific offenses covered, together with the punishment for each such act.

In the first years of the dynasty a series of criminal codes and administrative statutes were promulgated in order to govern the empire effectively.

Though only the Code has survived in entirety, we know from historical sources, as well as from still extant fragments, that there was a large body of written law in effect during the T'ang period.

There were 4 main divisions: the Code, the Statutes, the Regulations, and the Ordinances.

The Code reflects the position of the emperor as the most important link between the human and the natural worlds as well as the head of the government.

Offenses that involve the emperor or the imperial house are on a different level from those against other persons.

In such cases not only the criminal but also his family members would be executed and their possessions confiscated by the state.

Such crimes head a list of ten categories of offenses that were regarded as particularly heinous.

Not only were the punishments especially severe for persons who committed such offenses, but certain other procedural protections, usually available to those convicted of other crimes, were not allowed to them.

The Ten Abominations. The most serious offenses a person could commit.

Plotting rebellion

Plotting great sedition

Plotting treason

Contumacy

Depravity

Great irreverance

Lack of filial piety

Discord

Unrighteousness

Incest

The crimes included within the ten abominations are those that endanger the emperor or the state, those that are committed by subordinate members of the family or bureaucracy against their superiors, those that threaten the existence of the family, and those that involve black magic.

The penalties for the first 3 "abominations" called for punishment not only of the individual incriminated in the plot, but also of that person’s entire family (parents, children, brothers, and sisters) who were liable for penalties up to and including execution.

Rebellion against the imperial house is compared to natural calamities.

The intent of the Code toward those who plot either rebellion or great sedition is clearly stated in Article 32:

Plotting rebellion and great sedition are criminal to the utmost degree of censure and extermination. They defile the whole family and property and the eradication of evil must reach to the roots.

Clearly, then, the purpose of the law in such cases was not merely to punish the criminal, but rather to exterminate his whole family.

In traditional China, with its great emphasis on the continuation of the family, there could be no greater punishment than to end a family's name.

Officials could also be punished for the offenses of their family members. For example, if within the area under an official's control one of his family members committed extortion or accepted bribes, the official would be punished, even though he knew nothing of the crime.

Older members of families also had increased responsibility because of their status and reciprocity.

If they committed a crime together with other members of the family, only the person highest in generation of age was punished.

The younger members of the family escaped completely.

The same was true for other groups such as those living in monasteries or for teachers and their disciples. Where members of the same family committed a crime by the decision of the head of the household, only he was punished even though he took no part in the crime.

An excerpt from "The Tripartite Compact of Emperor Kao" (Han dynasty):

My Venerable Seniors! I know too well how long you, my fellow-countrymen, have suffered untold hardships under the harassing laws of the preceding dynasty, by which the criticizing of ·government was punished with the extermination of one's whole family, and even talking on the streets was prohibited under pain of decapitation

Sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ⚜ More: References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Hope this helps with your writing, sounds really interesting so far.

#tang dynasty #history #writing notes #writeblr #literature #writers on tumblr #writing reference #dark academia #spilled ink #writing prompt #creative writing #writing inspiration #writing ideas #light academia #writing resources

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messymoonmad · 4 months ago

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Yeah... Wanted to do this anonymously, but Tumblr isn't letting me. Oh, well.

Anyways. I have this OC named Calyx, and he's sorta just this guy who was friends with Antinous before he got all "hehehe I'm evil now and want the queen. Mwehehehe." And while he isn't really a "suitor,"(more like that one friend who gets dragged everywhere) but he just follows through with Antinous for most things(unless it's something that doesn't match with his moral compass, yes he's the only sane one here) for protection and because he's like: "Oh. I guess this is what's happening." And his entire vibes are, "Oh. Ok. ... Oh, a butterfly" or "You know... How about we DON'T commit heinous crimes?" or "I'd rather be making glass rn."

Picture of the guy(HEAVILY inspired by Qinny's Diomedes):

I just wanted to ask if this tactic would work on your Antinous(or the suitors in general). And I'm pretty curious how the suitors(#1 Antinous simp, the baby, and the rat) would see him(maybe Telemachus, idk).

Thank you for listening to me rant about my OC. :D

This sounds very much like Amphinomus. They would get along and chill together that would be nice. Melan is gonna be rude to him if he isnt a nobleman. And Eurymachus is gonna try to keep him away from antin subtily. Maybe ship him with amphin just so that Eurymachus can be antinous' best friend

#the suitors #followers oc

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princess-glassred · 6 months ago

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I'm fascinated by what could have potentially happened had Henry succeeded in killing all the losers. Aside from the obvious of Pennywise never being defeated, and assuming IT doesn't kill him because he's a fantastic scapegoat, imagine how big the fallout of this would be.

Henry would be found out almost immediately, if not from his own incompetance then from IT deliberately luring the cops to him so he'd be arrested. He'd either be sent back to the ward for the crimimally insane, or, worst case scenario, Henry's crime might be so heinous Maine would consider bringing back the death penalty just for him. The version of events told by the media would be that Henry is a lunatic who committed a string of murders when he was a young child, then broke out of Juniper Hills and committed another string of murders. The timeline wouldn't match up at all, given that people were dying before Henry broke out, but the media wouldn't focus on that.

This case would probably make national news (at least for a little bit) given that Bill Denbrough, Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier, and Ben Hanscom were super famous individuals and them all dying together would be an insane story for the public. Of course pennywise covered things up, but these aren't just abused kids or bums who live in alleys. Bill and Richie have an actual fanbase, Ben was on magazine covers, and Bev was a well known fashion mogul. I can only imagine how messy things would be if Tom and Audra died too and the media added them to Henry's list of victims. Audra was a famous actress/model and Tom was Bev's business partner. This shit would have been everywhere.

The goreyness of the case would bring a lot of attention to Derry and I imagine with how insensitive Derry can be they'd use this in tourism. Before this all they had to make people come to Derry was the canal days, so i'm sure sombody would be eager to capatalize on it. The tourism boom would probably cause Derry to be a little gentrified and thus bring more people to Derry than ever before. It would have a plethora of new meals and probably eat more than it'd ever dreamed it could.

Henry would become a pop culture figure, much of the same way we see people treat Jeffrey Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy. IT would love all of that attention because the more people focus on how fucked it is Henry killed people the less people focus on Derry as a whole. Of course there'd been tragedies in the town before, but none of those victims had been famous, and besides: this is the 80's/2010's, the way media sensationalized things would be a lot worse with the prominince of TV/the internet.

There'd probably be some documentary made about Henry's life using what little information they could gather around town. Nobody had even seen henry since he was arrested and nobody talked to him before, so it was basically gaurenteed anyone who got interviewed was lying for attention. There might be a terrible movie made about him at some point, similarly to how in Carrie the black prom incident got a movie that sucked. Henry would probably lack the ability to understand how famous he'd gotten, if not be totally ignorant to it. A few people would get mad that Mike Hanlon and the other numerous victims of Henry who weren't famous get no attention. Tik tok would do it's tik tok thing. True crime crush community girlies would have a field day with young pictures of Henry (especially in the 2017 continuity).

Henry would become a well known person to arm chair diagnose, the kind of killer you write research papers and books about. There'd be plenty of books about Henry too, discussing his fucked mental state and proposing theories about why he did what what he did, a lot of which based on offensive and outdated views of mental health (ie: homosexuality being a mental disorder).

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edennill-archived · 8 months ago

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In which I puzzle over metaphysical implications as regards the peoples inhabiting Arda

fyi, a certain familiarity with the (predominantly Christian, I think) concept of fallenness/unfallenness is assumed, although it turns out that it doesn't necessarily work here. Feel free to ask for clarifications

So. I'm once again wracking my head as I try to make sense of what I shall call: 'metaphysical states' of elves, men and others, because the subject is emphasised and lampshaded a lot in the books, and I can't force it all to make sense when taken together.

Ainur are a specific case and I should really leave them aside for now. They certainly can fall — and, unlike angels, change their mind, apparently (which goes both ways) — although they do seem to be more all-or-nothing than everyone else. Still, I think as long as one doesn't go into the implications of time and what its existence or nonexistence changes, they're almost straightforward. But then you have:

Elves. The 'Fall of the Noldor' is very strongly emphasised as a metaphysical fall from grace and further evils, even ones unconnected with the matter of the Silmarils themselves, are blamed on it later (Maeglin!) So far so good. Except. Non-Noldor are also liable to behave in ways that are not exemplary in the slightest, and it doesn't seem to signify a cesura in the same way — and the Noldor in Valinor were able to commit acts that perhaps weren't as heinous as what we call crimes, but weren't good either. Getting into rancid fights with your brother isn't much in comparison, but these are not the actions of unfallen people.

And on the other hand, authorial quote (paraphrased): "Elves in some ways represent Man in an unfallen state". And I'm inclined to agree: they aren't subject to death (except they may be killed, so doesn't this already break down?), and there is something very poignant in the image of their artistry, "extempt from earthly limitations". But they do not lose it, not in any easily tangible way. We can argue that evil diminishes creativity and it's probably true, but there is no hard line anyone passes. And this is again lampshaded in-world with the Númenoreans ("If we die because of some darkness that lay on us before, than why don't the Noldor?").

Which brings us to Men. The existence of a direct cause-effect relationship between fallenness and mortality in Arda cannot be ascertained (Even taking into account a Catholic framework, I feel that logically it need not be the same relationship as the Biblical one since, in contrast with the Garden of Eden, the world was already marred when humans appeared). While I consider the Tale of Adanel to be Gondorian in origin, I can also see the possibility that whatever Men did back then, beyond memory (or in other words "we purposefully forgot") was just that much worse than Alqualondë and the Oath. In any case, Man is very straightforwardly Fallen.

Hobbits. The rules for Halflings are presumably the same as for Men, which is certainly notable, given that they seem to be the least inclined to evil of all incarnates. Not perfect, not by a long shot, but unknowing of wars and violence. A pastoral image, only in-world it's true.

And at the same time, my musings bring me to the unexpected conclusion that dwarves are the only notable "generally unfallen" kindred. Which is, in context of everything that regards them, weird — because by their actions, they are very similar to Men. And yet — either the circumstances of their creation make them disadvantaged from the start (which doesn't really make that much sense), or something happened off-screen, or it's the same case as Saeros, or Thingol sending Beren to his death.

Ents? I honestly don't know if we've seen enough of ents to judge, although they seem generally good-inclined? Huorns are a different kettle of fish.

Before I try to explain orcs, it would do well to know what they are exactly.

In other words, I cannot make sense of it all, enough that I've resorted to calling the default state of incarnates in Arda "semi-fallen" (or, as is, "semi-unfallen"). Which is not a thing that makes sense, philosophically speaking — but I can find no better way.

(Although, to be quite honest, the default state of being in Arda (because of the discord?) seems to be significantly different from the unfallen state of Man as described by religious thinkers in some ways, and not all of them regard merely such things as physical marring, so perhaps "semi" isn't the worst way to describe it.)

In any case, if someone has thoughts on the subject, I'm very open to hearing them.

#post-midnight musings (on a weekday!) so I'm sorry if this makes no sense #my post #Silmarillion #silm #peoples of arda #religion

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jeonscatalyst · 10 months ago

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I read this from the cult arguments so the reason why they think jikook using Buddy program for enlisting confirms them not being couples is because in south korean military service as you might already know they prohibit the gay sexual intercourse while ON BASE and if you do you face the consequences right? So according to them now that jikook are using the Buddy program by chance IF in future they come out as queer and start dating each other the government is likely to investigate them for using the Buddy program for their advantage, or say they can get investigated for falsification and breaking the law of gay relationship n all during military service and given BTS are Big deal even if jikook come out after many years they will still likely face very serious consequences for breaking the law cause you know how sk is when it comes to BTS like e.g. suga's recent incidents.

So does anyone have a better understanding of this whole act of gay se* + military service and the consequences you face like this law as whole?

Hey anon,

I made this post a while ago about this topic. You can check it out

I’m not sure if you are the same anon who sent this link of this taekooker trying to “prove” why two people in a romantic relationship cannot enlist together but this is the link…….

My thoughts about enlistment and how it works can be found in the post I linked but just to something about what these screenshots say….

This right here is what I like to call manipulation. This person has a very good knowledge of the system and what article 92-6 actually states but they use their own words to completely twist things. I’m not a lawyer but i’ve watched enough shows to know that people have gotten away with murder or heinous crimes because of loopholes in the written law so I’m pretty sure who ever drafted out military laws must know this so they must have EXPLICITLY written down everything that they didn’t want to avoid any loopholes.

Anon, I’d like you to check out what article 92-6 states and show me anywhere that law criminalizes two people being in a relationship. Is there any place the law talks about punishing two people just because they are gay and are in a relationship? I must have missed it so maybe you can show me if you find it.

This is such a simple thing to understand so I truly don’t get why so many people choose to ignore it.

The military doesn’t criminalize people being in a relationship (atleast not officially) they only have a problem with people committing indecent sexual activity on base. So why on earth would there be consequences if Jimin and Jungkook leave the military and decide to come out at some point later? As long as they didn’t break the law by having anal sex or engaging in anything the law considers indecent sexual activity, they are good. Is there any law that states that two lovers cannot enlist together as buddies? There is literally NONE! Also, this makes no sense because not everyone who in romantic relationships have sex (surprise surprise) and seeing as the military has only mentioned having an issue with sex while on base, then why would they go after people who didn’t commit a crime?

If the South Korean military didn’t want two lovers enlisting together as buddies, they would have boldly written it down. Yes, queer people face some injustice and discrimination in the military and sometimes are deemed unfit for service because of their sexual orientation which is unfortunate and sad but the truth is, Jimin and Jungkook have never come as as queer have they? So officially they are just two normal bandmates and friends who decided to enlist together and even if they do come out later, the military would have to prove that they were a couple while enlisted if they want to have an issue with it (which I doubt they would) and we all know that they wouldn’t be able to prove that Jikook were a couple at the time of enlistment unless they got caught having sex, because guess what, it is possible that they could have only become a couple after their military service. So you see how the whole thing doesn’t even make sense right. If you want to consider that the military might try to punish people for being a couple while enlisted, then there are just too many loopholes in the law. I am not even a lawyer but I can make a very good defense case for anyone whom the military tries to prosecute for this using their own written laws.

#jikook #enlistment talk

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madamsnape921 · 11 months ago

Text

Healing Heart

Pairing: David Rossi x female reader

WC: 2618

Sitting at the round table with Luke and JJ, David Rossi was deep in conversation about the Sicarius case when Emily entered the room with a new woman by her side. "I'd like to introduce everyone to Agent YN YLN. She's officially joining the BAU," Emily announced, her confidence evident in her tone. "And before anyone says anything, I fully support her addition to our team. She's a top-notch agent and a dear friend of mine."

David smiled warmly at the newcomer, recognizing the determined glint in your eyes that mirrored his own passion for solving cases. "Welcome to the team, Agent YLN," he said, extending a hand in greeting. Luke and JJ followed suit, offering their own words of welcome.

As the team settled back into discussing the details of the Sicarius case, you listened intently, your sharp mind already piecing together connections and potential leads. Your presence brought a new energy to the room, injecting fresh perspectives and ideas into the ongoing investigation.

Over the coming weeks, you proved herself to be an invaluable asset to the BAU. Your expertise and quick thinking helped crack the toughest of cases, earning you respect and admiration from your colleagues. And as time passed, a strong bond formed between you and the rest of the team, united by your shared dedication to seeking justice and bringing closure to those affected by heinous crimes.

Together, you faced each new challenge head-on, knowing that your combined skills and unwavering determination made them a formidable force in the field of criminal profiling. You quickly assimilated into the dynamics of the team, each member bringing their unique strengths to the table. David found himself drawn to your quiet confidence and keen intellect, admiring the way you approached each case with a mix of empathy and razor-sharp focus.

As you worked long hours side by side, poring over case files and brainstorming strategies, a deep friendship blossomed between David and YN. Your connection was built on mutual respect and shared experiences in the field, forging a bond that went beyond professional camaraderie. David found himself confiding in you about his doubts and insecurities, finding solace in your understanding gaze and unwavering support.

One rainy evening, as you were the last ones in the office reviewing evidence from their latest case, David couldn't help but notice how the soft glow of the desk lamp illuminated your features, casting a warm and inviting light around you. The air between you seemed charged with unspoken words, the tension palpable as you both lingered in the quiet of the dimly lit room. David cleared his throat, breaking the silence that had settled between you.

“YN, I... I just wanted to say how much I value your presence on the team. Your insights and dedication have truly made a difference in our work," David began, his voice earnest as he searched your eyes for any sign of reciprocation.

You met his gaze, a soft smile playing on your lips as you replied, "David, the feeling is mutual. Working alongside you has been a privilege, and I admire your commitment to seeking justice for the victims we serve."

The admission hung in the air, lingering like a question waiting to be answered. David felt his heart race as he gathered his courage, the weight of unspoken emotions urging him forward. Without another word, he closed the distance between them, cupping your face in his hands as he leaned in to capture your lips in a tender kiss. The world seemed to fade away as the warmth of the moment enveloped them, each heartbeat echoing the unspoken feelings that had blossomed between them.

As they pulled back slightly, their eyes met in a silent exchange filled with a myriad of emotions. David's gaze held a mixture of hope and uncertainty, silently asking for permission to continue. Your eyes sparkled with a newfound light, reflecting the depth of your own feelings as you brought your hand up to rest on his cheek.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath as a smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

David couldn't contain the surge of joy that welled up within him, a radiant smile breaking across his face as he realized that his feelings were reciprocated. Without a word, he pulled you into an embrace, holding you close as if finally finding a missing piece of himself. In that moment, the world outside the office ceased to exist for David and YN. The only thing that mattered was the warmth of each other's presence, the shared connection that had been growing stronger with every case they solved together.

As they held each other, a sense of peace settled over them, a silent understanding passing between their intertwined souls. It was a moment of pure contentment, of knowing that they had found something special in each other amidst the chaos and darkness of their work.

After a while, they reluctantly pulled away from each other, their eyes locked in a silent conversation filled with promises for the future. David reached out to gently brush a stray strand of hair from YN's face, his touch sending a shiver down her spine.

"YN," he began, his voice soft but brimming with emotion. "I care about you more than words can express. This... what we have... it's something I don't want to lose. I never expected to feel anything like this again after Krystal."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood next to Emily when you found out that David has been kidnapped by Sicarius. You attempt to conceal your immense anxiety, but it's futile - Emily can see right through you in this highly emotional state.

Your hands trembled slightly as the news of David's kidnapping sank in, a wave of fear and desperation crashing over you. Emily placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, her expression mirroring your own concern as she spoke with a reassuring tone.

"We'll find him, YN. We have the best team on it, and we won't rest until David is back safe with us," Emily vowed, her unwavering confidence a source of strength in the midst of uncertainty.

Gripping tightly onto the hope that David would be rescued unharmed, you joined the rest of the team in mobilizing all available resources to track down Sicarius and bring him to justice. The hours stretched into days as you tirelessly worked to unravel the clues left behind by the cunning unsub, each lead bringing you closer to finding David but never close enough.

Emotions ran high within the team, tensions flaring as the urgency of the situation weighed heavily on everyone. But amidst the chaos and pressure, a sense of unity and determination prevailed, a shared goal driving you all forward in the relentless pursuit of bringing David home safely.

As days turned into nights filled with restless anticipation, you found solace in the unwavering support of your teammates. Luke's steadfast determination bolstered your spirits, his unwavering loyalty a testament to the bond forged through countless cases solved together. JJ's compassionate presence provided a comforting anchor amidst the storm of emotions threatening to overwhelm you at any moment.

But it was Emily who stood by your side every step of the way, her fierce loyalty and unyielding resolve a constant source of strength. Together, you tirelessly sifted through evidence, chasing down leads with a determination fueled by the shared desire to see David return unharmed.

The unsub’s wife was able to get David’s location. Without hesitation, the team mobilized, preparing to launch a coordinated raid on the suspected location. Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you geared up for the operation, your mind focused on one thing and one thing only - bringing David home safe and sound.

As Luke finally managed to uncover David from the hidden bunker, a wave of relief washed over you as you rushed to his side. His face was paler than usual, his clothes dirty and torn, but his eyes held a flicker of gratitude and exhaustion as he looked up at you. Without hesitation, you knelt down beside him, gently taking his hand in yours as a silent reassurance of your presence.

"David," you whispered, your voice trembling with unshed tears. "We found you. You're safe now."

A weak smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he squeezed your hand, the weight of the ordeal slowly dissipating in the comfort of your touch. The team quickly moved in to extract David from the bunker, providing medical attention and ensuring his physical well-being before any further debriefing.

As you sat by his bedside in the hospital room, the rest of the team filtering in and out to check on him, a sense of overwhelming gratitude flooded your heart, knowing that he was finally safe and back in your midst. The harrowing experience had left its mark on David, his usual resilience tested to the limits by the trauma he had endured. But as you gazed at him, propped up on the hospital bed with a quiet strength in his eyes, you knew that he would emerge from this stronger than ever.

The quiet moments you shared by his side were filled with unspoken words and a profound sense of understanding. As David recounted the events of his kidnapping and captivity, you listened with a mixture of anger and compassion, your hand never leaving his as if grounding him in the reality of your presence.

His voice was hoarse from disuse, but every word he spoke resonated with a depth of emotion that touched your soul. The realization of how close you had come to losing him lingered in the air like a silent specter, a reminder of just how fragile and precious life truly was.

In those hushed moments, as day turned into night outside the hospital room, a newfound sense of clarity crystallized within you. The brush with losing David had stripped away any lingering doubts or fears, leaving behind a profound certainty that his place in your life was irreplaceable.

As he spoke, his eyes locked onto yours, a silent plea for understanding and acceptance shining through the exhaustion that etched lines on his face. With a gentle touch, you reached out to caress his cheek, the warmth of your palm a tender reassurance of your unwavering support.

"David," you began, your voice soft but filled with conviction. "I can't imagine my life without you in it. This experience has only made me realize how much you mean to me, how much I care for you."

His gaze searched yours, layers of vulnerability and gratitude swirling in the depths of his eyes as he absorbed your words. A flicker of something resembling hope sparked in his expression, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken feelings that had blossomed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David pushed you against the closed door of his house, passionately kissing your lips. Your pulse quickened as David's kiss ignited a fire within you, the intensity of his touch sending a wave of desire coursing through your veins. In that moment, all previous hesitations melted away, leaving only the raw magnetism between you and David.

His hands moved with purpose, trailing a path of electric sensation along your skin as he deepened the kiss, a silent declaration of the emotions that had simmered beneath the surface for so long. The world outside faded into insignificance as you surrendered to the moment, allowing yourself to be enveloped by the intoxicating allure of his embrace.

With a sudden burst of urgency, David lifted you effortlessly off the ground, carrying you towards the awaiting couch in the living room. The air crackled with anticipation as he laid you down gently, his eyes locked onto yours with an unspoken question that begged for consent.

A silent understanding passed between you, a mutual agreement forever sealed with a fervent kiss that spoke volumes of unspoken promises. As clothes became a mere obstacle in the throes of passion, the lingering shadows of doubt and fear were banished by the fierce intensity of your connection with David. Each touch, each caress, was a testament to the depth of emotion that bound you together, transcending words in a symphony of desire and longing.

David's lips moved from your mouth to your neck, leaving a trail of scorching kisses that caused your skin to tingle. His deep voice whispered in your ear, "I need you, Y/N. I need to be inside you."

Your heart raced with excitement as you nodded, giving him permission to claim you. David took his time, savoring each inch of your body before finally reaching his destination.

With a devilish grin, he positioned himself between your legs. His impressive erection was already hard and ready for you. He wasted no time, entering you slowly at first to allow you to adjust to his size. Your muscles clenched around him as he stretched you wide, eliciting a gasp from you.

A deep moan escaped David's lips as he began to thrust, his hips moving in perfect sync with yours. Your bodies danced together, the rhythm of his cock sliding in and out of your wet warmth driving both of you wild.

You could feel David's strength as he flexed his muscles, holding himself above you with determination. His eyes never left yours, filled with desire and adoration.

As he increased the pace of his thrusts, David's breaths became ragged and his grip on your hips grew tighter. With every thrust, your heart beat faster and faster, matching the rhythm of his movements.

"Yes, David," you panted, barely able to speak as your pleasure intensified with each passing moment. "Take me."

And he did just that, thrusting into you with a powerful surge that filled you completely. You arched your back and cried out in ecstasy, feeling the friction of his shaft as it plunged into you over and over again.

With an animalistic growl, David's hips moved even faster and harder, his pace becoming erratic as he made love to you with primal intensity. Your walls tightened around him, drawing out a deep groan of pleasure from him with each thrust.

"Faster, David," you urged, grinding your hips against his. "Make me yours."

He obliged, driving into you with unrelenting determination. His thrusts were deep and forceful, hitting your most sensitive spot with every movement. The sensation was overwhelming as you reached the peak of your pleasure, your body trembling with the strength of your climax.

"David!" you cried out, your voice echoing through the room as your eyes rolled back in pure bliss.

Feeling your muscles clench around him, David lost control and joined you in release. He roared out your name, his pleasure mingling with yours as he spilled his seed deep inside you.

For what felt like an eternity, you lay trembling in each other's arms, both of your bodies drenched in sweat and completely satisfied. As your breathing slowly returned to normal, David pulled out of you, leaving a wet trail along your thighs. He gently pushed a strand of hair away from your face, his expression filled with tenderness and love.

"You are mine, Y/N," he whispered hoarsely. "And I am yours."

You smiled at him and felt the same love and devotion filling your heart. "Always," you promised, tracing the contours of his face with your fingers.

In the aftermath of that all-encompassing moment, as you lay entwined in each other's arms, a sense of peace settled over you like a warm blanket. David's heartbeat echoed against your own, a steady rhythm that anchored you in the present, grounding you in the reality of his unwavering presence.

#criminal minds #david rossi #david rossi x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds evolution

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