#well not really chose but as i started writing this made the most sense

[daydreamerwoah]

Family Tree

Alright so this was the first chapter I posted on my AO3. I hadn't started on a new chapter (cause I really abandoned this idea lol). But I think this is the second story I want to work on... It'll be a slow burn, so I think I'll be taking my time writing this. But I want to see how you all like the first chapter... send me all the feedback (if it's a stupid idea please tell me lol!)

Simon x you story <3

Moving. It was something you were so unpleasantly familiar with. You had moved more times than you could count in your lifetime. But moving to Hereford, UK.... what creator above the skies decided on that? You could have said no; you had a choice..... yet you chose to move halfway across the world to that small town all because of the phone call you received a couple of months ago. 

"H-hello?" you groggily asked when you set your phone on your ear. 

"Hi may I speak with Y/n Greene?" the voice on the other end of the line was chipper; awake. And a thick British accent.

One of your eyes opened to look at the clock on your nightstand. It read 1:48am. Who the hell was calling you, awake, at this hour?

"Yeah? Who is this?" 

"My name is Colonel Henry Williams... I'm calling you about your father-"

"-My father?" Your other eye opened as you sat up in bed, confused. 

"Yes ma'am... Major Charles Campbell." 

You had no idea who the guy was talking about, "I'm sorry. Who?" 

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. You almost wondered if the man hung up the phone until he spoke again. "Y're Y/n Greene no?"

"Yes. Look I don't know who-"

"- is your mother's name Mary Greene?" You froze. How did he know that? You answered 'yes' as you turned the lamp on your nightstand, "Alright. You're the right contact then. Miss, I'm sorry to have to tell you this," he paused for a moment, "Y're father - Charles Campbell - recently passed away."

While any other child would be devastated to hear the news that their parent has just died, you were more confused than anything. Your mom and dad were still in Chicago. And while you hadn't spoken to them in a long time, you knew for a fact that if either of them passed your aunt would have called you; not some British guy claiming he was a Colonel......right?

When you hung up from him, you almost went back to sleep. Except your mind was racing. None of it made sense, yet something in your gut was telling you to call the one woman you had been avoiding since you graduated from college. Your eyes glanced back at the clock; 2:30am. You guessed you could wait until at least the sun was up before dialing her number. So you did. Painfully slow as you couldn't go back to sleep. You found yourself pacing around your apartment for those four hours until you knew - or assumed - your mother would be up getting ready for work. When the time neared 7am, your shaky hands scrolled your phone to the contact 'Mary'. If it had been any other situation, you would have scoffed at the name. Most people have 'Mom' in their phone for the parent who gave them birth. But you.... you hadn't called her that in a long time. 

"Y/n?" she answered. Not even a proper hello. 

"Hey uh.. sorry to be calling so early-" you stumbled over your words. You were nervous.

"-Oh it's okay.." 

There was a long, awkward pause. You nervously bit your lip. A part of you wanted to ask how was she doing, but you knew better. The answer would always be the same. 

"Listen.... I got a call from someone last night. Well early this morning. Something about my dad? Charles Campbell?" You rushed out before you chickened and hung up the phone in her ear. 

The sharp breath you heard on her end of the line made you shut your eyes. 

"C-Charles?"

You sighed, "Yes..." 

She stuttered, "I-I.... oh Y/n. I mean-"

"-You told me Rick was my dad." You declared a harsher than you wanted to be." 

"He is your dad sweetie."

Frustration swam through your veins, "Don't lie to me Mary."

Another long and awkward pause between your conversation almost caused you to hang up the phone, but then you heard her sniffle. A long story full of emotions came babbling out of her mouth as she explained the full truth about Charles Campbell. He was your real dad. 

A lot of cursing and yelling came from your mouth as she continued to tell you why she never told you; why she thought it was for the best to keep this secret. Even your - well now stepdad - knew everything, yet no one said a goddamn thing. You were so sick of her bullshit. Your whole life was nothing but chaos and it all came from her choices. The constant moving, her in and out of mental institutions and rehab, Rick's constant distaste for you in your own house. You were so lucky to have left all of it behind when you turned 18, but it wouldn't be easy. It's never easy letting go of someone you're supposed to love. College years were spent struggling to keep up your grades and cleaning up the mess from those two adults. 

You thought back to the conversation with the Colonel and his offer; to move to England since the house was left to you from your dad's will. An opportunity you thought about for two days before calling the man and stating you would be there. A part of you just wanted to see the other part of the world. The other part was ready to get away from it all forever. Your aunt cried when you told her. Your job was a bit sad, but like any job, they would find a replacement. Your mom... well you hadn't spoken to her since that day when she told you everything. 

It was the beginning of a new life.

************************************************************************

You dashed into the cafe from the rain. It was one thing you had quickly gotten used to, but still sometimes hated. The rain was comforting, but not when you were trying to get to work. You had yet to buy a damn umbrella although you kept telling yourself you would. There was a line that formed in front of the register and you internally sighed as you pulled the hood off of your head. You glanced down at your watch; you had some time before you needed to be at work so it eased your mind a little bit. At least the cafe was warm inside with its aroma of coffee, tea, and soft jazz music.

When it was your turn to order, you asked for the same drink you always got; a latte and made it to go. The barista gave you the same curious look as she did each time she saw you. You quickly paid for your drink and took a few steps back to turn around to stand off to the side to wait for your order when you backed up into something hard. 

"Shit sorry," you quietly said as you turned and looked at what you bumped into. 

"S'alright" the gentleman said. 

He was tall; massive; arms bigger than the side of your thigh, with a balaclava on. He had his hood up that was drenched from the rain outside. His dark clothing made his presence feel colder. You blushed in embarrassment from bumping into him; being clumsy in public seemed to be something you did at times. The man's eyes raked over you as you looked back at him. A beat went by until you realized that you standing in his way from ordering; the barista clearing her throat loudly. You quickly moved out of the way and waited for your drink, hoping they'd call out the order before the man finished placing his at the register. Luck - not on your side today - slipped away as he made his way in your direction to wait on his drink as well. He stood next to you, crumbling the receipt in his hand and placing both in his pockets. 

God he was huge; 6'3" compared to your height, he towered over you even with the space between. 

When the barista called out your order, you quickly walked up to the counter, grabbed the to-go cup, and thanked the girl. The man's eyes followed you... curiosity lingering behind the mask as he took in your presence - slightly flustered and in a hurry. You took one last look at him, offering a quick smile before dashing out of the cafe to work, thankful to be out of the awkward situation. 

Being a nurse, you're saving lives each day, but still, there was a big difference from being a nurse in a different country. You were buddied up with another nurse, Ella to help with your onboarding and training. She was a few years younger than you and was eager to help you find your way around the hospital and systems. The thing that stood out to you the most was the dog tags she wore around her neck. In the beginning, you asked her if she was ex-military, but she only smiled and told you that it was her boyfriend's tags. He was in the military and often gone so she wore them as a form of good luck that he'd return to her safe. 

"The base is 'bout 15 minutes from here," she explained. 

You only nodded and smiled; you were aware of where the base was. The first day you arrived, you met Colonel Williams at the airport who escorted you to his office. There was paperwork you had to sign regarding your father, including his house, assets, and more that they had information on and they were able to help sort it all out with you. The Colonel even offered assistance with you finding a job - which he helped you get at the hospital. You couldn't have been more grateful honestly. 

It was also something you hadn't really talked to Ella about. She only knew that you moved to the area because of family, and she easily picked up on how uncomfortable you were to even say that. You stayed to yourself mostly, and that's how you wanted it to be. Although she was determined to break down those walls you had. Deep down she and you both knew that you needed a friend, someone to lean on. You didn't know anyone in the entire country, and if anything were to happen to you, at least she would be there to call the police. But you were stubborn; that was for sure. 

Ella glanced at you, "You want to go for drinks after our shift?" she asked. 

Every muscle in your body tensed as you wrote down your shift notes. You briefly looked up as you responded to her, "Uh sorry. I need to take care of a few things after work." 

You didn't lie... you didn't tell the full truth either. But Ella didn't need to know that. While you didn't have to take care of anything per se, you did need to go somewhere after you got off. 

"Maybe next time then," she smiled. 

One thing about Ella... she wouldn't let your rejections to hang out deter her from asking any chance she got. 

************************************************************************

The sun was setting as you walked past the many gravestones looking for the one you needed to find. The air was chilly from the rain earlier, making you shiver a bit as you continued on the path. 

Even though you had been in that town for almost a month, you had yet to visit your dad. It felt.... strange; paying respects to someone you never knew. But as you strolled up to the tombstone that read his name, a part of you felt like this was all a dream. Maybe even a nightmare that you couldn't wake up from. You laid the flowers in front of the grave as you continued to look at his name - Major Charles Campbell. 

"Uh.. I know..." you put your hands in your pocket, nervous about what the hell to even say out loud, "I-I'm Y/n... your daughter...... To be honest, I'm a bit lost for words right now. I had no idea you were my dad," a soft and bitter chuckle escaped your lips, "If Mary was anything back then like she is now, then I'm sorry you had to deal with her-" a long sigh drew from you, "but I'm here now.... I'm sorry I never got to meet you.... a Colonel is helping me sort everything out so I'll get the keys to the house soon." You look up at the sky, cursing to yourself at how stupid you thought you sounded, "Charles - dad - even though I didn't know you, I hope I'll get to see you in heaven one day. Maybe you can tell me all about you."

You hadn't realized that a lone tear trickled down your cheek until you felt the cold breeze. You quickly wiped it away before sticking your hand back in your pocket and turning to leave the cemetery. 

If you all do like this and want me to continue, let me know. If you want to be tagged I will add you :)

[wemustgatekeepwooyoung]

Crystal clear

synopsis: After trying to comfort him through his sadness for quite a while now you and your best friend ,Jung Wooyoung, let all your sentiments towards one another finally be heard and act on your sexual tension.

Genre: Romance, a bit of angst*, fluff, smut

Pairing: Best friend (non idol) Jung Wooyoung x Fem Reader

Word Count: 4,3k

Content/ warnings: *mentions of Wooyoung’s (made up) post-breakup depressive phase, very sentimental confession (they’re so deeply in love) ,switch wooyoung/fem reader (mostly dom!wooyoung and sub!reader), oral sex(f receiving), orgasm denial,riding, edging, sort of praise kink, dirty talk, conversation mid sex (loooooots of teasing from Woo), pet names (love, dove, darling, pretty…), creampie (use dat condom my loves <3) , aftercare, overall containing both sweet and spicy content to (hopefully) have you fully satisfied.

Author’s notes: I really enjoyed writing this fic tbh. I was never really into writing smut, so tell me how you find it. Sorry for any grammar or vocabulary mistakes, english isn’t my first language </3. Tell me if I missed anything important on the ‘content/warnings’ section!!! I hope you enjoy it as it’s my first time posting :P. ANYWAY, THANKS FOR READING, or if you haven’t read it yet and you intend to, I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AND THAT I MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS WELL!!! <3

Wooyoung’s been finding sadness irresistible since he broke up with his girlfriend three months ago. You’ve been trying to find ways to comfort him the best you can but nothing seems to be enough. He keeps saying that it’s not that he misses her, he just misses the feeling of being in love, as his feelings for his ex have been dead for months now.

He would always go hunting for that spark in her but couldn’t do it any longer . He knew the case was all figured out and there was nothing more to do than to push forward and cross the finish line.

So that’s what he did and that’s what lead him, your hyperactively-flirty best friend, to the realisation that he never got over you.

You and him clicked right away when you first met. Although that happened, objectively speaking, it can’t be helped with ‘fresh’ acquaintanships that fear is the most prevalent feeling. So, neither Woo nor you spoke of that matter that you both shared in your heart.

Whatever the occasion, happy or sad, he’d always come to you first to make public. He knew you’d always keep a secret or have the reaction that he’d be expecting. In conclusion, he knew he could always count on you and that you’d be there no matter what. So, of course, when that sickening void started to grow inside him, he knew which door to knock.

You two have been living together since he first came to you after his breakup and have been taking great care of each other. The rest of the boys in your group (Hoongjoong, Seongwha, Yunho, Yeosang, Mingi, San and Jongho) keep giving you weird looks and suspect a confession that will soon take place. They’ve always knew, it’s only you and him that chose to be blind and lost too much time not being together-together already.

Now, you’re just getting back to your lovely apartment right after a really tiring day at work. You love the walk that makes up the distance ,from the office where you work as a secretary, to your house. But today was not a day to relax and enjoy the small things, so even this small rode to your home feels too much.

You put on your AirPods and blasted your favorite playlist that seemed to go by quickly and unrecognized. You’re over here feeling sad for not being able to feel your favorite songs in the slightest, when otherwise you’d be screaming each lyric with amiability.

When you finally reached your doorstep and took a step to the entryway to take your shoes off, you got all your other senses eliminated by the one your nose provided you with. You suddenly did not feel tired at all and all you did was try to figure out what that smell was that made you almost forget your name out of hunger.

The smell lead you smoothly in your apartment and straight to the kitchen. You didn’t even take the time to change into your pijamas or even take off your coat for starters.

“I was about to call you! Did they change your shift schedule again?”

All he did was ask you a simple question. Why did you stutter Y/N? Maybe because of how effortlessly pretty your best friend looks at the moment.

He’s dressed in a black open sleeve t-shirt that compliments his toned veiny arms so well and under that, he’s wearing a grey tracksuit. On top of those, he’s also wearing your dark red apron that your mum had gifted you when you first rented the apartment.

“N-no, I was just disposed to finish extra work till tomorrow morning”

“I see. Did you manage to finish it?” he asked me again as he was untying the red clothing that hugged his beautifully built core.

“Yes I did, I’m too much of a perfectionist to not have been able to finish it on time”

“That’s my girl!” he said and playfully pushed your shoulder

“Whatcha cookin’ at this hour?”

“Oh, this? I made some soup.“

“Is it for me perhaps?”

“No. It’s for my best friend.”

“Oh yeah? San’s coming over?”

“No, she’s working late and I want her to eat something to keep her warm during the night. Y’know it’s pretty cold out there. She’ll be so tired when she gets home that she might even forget to take her coat off!” he playfully put on a play to enlighten your tense mood from working too hard and to remind you to get properly undressed

You laughed and walked over to your coatstand where you placed your coat apathetically.

“OH MY DEAR Y/N YOU’RE BACK” he said and rushed over to you, hugging your waist tightly

“Play’s over?”

“I just wanted to find out if you’d take your coat off or intended to sleep with it so i’d take it off of you.”

Was he jokingly flirting again or was he genuinely scared that you’d sleep with it? What the fuck? He’s cooking you a meal at 2 a.m, he’s back to being a flirty-hyperactive comedian AND he seems to be… Excited. You haven’t seen him being him for over a month now, three months to be exact, but it just feels so natural and soft that it calms you down. Now, ‘desperately bored and tired Wooyoung’ is long gone in your head, like he never even existed to begin with.

You chuckled after his words and he looked at you all weirded out. You caressed his arm and back hugged him as he was stirring the soup with the ladle.

“Are you okay little one?”

“I’m better than okay. Are you okay?”

“I’m just fine” he said proudly and smiled. “It’s ready! Go take a shower and get changed, your food’s waiting” he stated and started preparing the vital items on your late night dinner table.

After doing as he said, you came back smelling all sweet and sat down right in front of the bowl that contained your meal.

You two are opposites in everything, even in the way you’re sitting right now. He’s energetic while you’re like a bored ass figure, he’s calm and active on excitement while you’re stressed and strategically active, he’s clumsy and a talker while you’re organised and a listener. Though all those small details making you so different from one another, you two match so well like peanut butter and jelly. It’s not everyone’s favourite combination but nobody can deny it’s power.

“Soup’s so good Wooyo” you said almost moaning to the feeling of finally getting to eat something after such a full and tiring day.

“Right? I looked the recipe up, I wanted to make you something well deserved, something special”

And it happened again. All he did was this thoughtful gesture, yet it had your insides start to soften in a way they didn’t just an hour ago when you needed it.

This man brings all your sentiments to the surface and accepts them as they are. He accepts and loves you for exactly the woman you are and that’s something so rare that you can’t help but not want to set aside as you’ve been trying to do for so long.

“What’s messing you up in there?” he asked and pressed his pointer finger lightly on your forehead

“It’s just that you’re so sweetly taking care of me. I’m so happy and glad you’re doing okay again” you confirmed your feelings out loud and he gifted you with a gentle kiss on your cheek

“Thank you for being patient with me and I’m not just making point for this time alone. You’ve always been here and I couldn’t appreciate you more. It’s the least I could do, cook you a meal. I’m leaving tomorrow anyway-“

“What? You found an apartment so quickly?!”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure about it, that’s why I didn’t tell you anything”

“Sure, whatever pleases you” you responded with your heart broken and with actually wanting to hold onto him so that he never leaves your side.

“Are you-“

“Don’t leave me Wooyoung” you surprised yourself by saying that. You’re uncontrollable with this guy, everything seems to come out of you so naturally and that’s because you know he has the biggest soft spot for you. His heart started beating even faster now, after your boldness hit him right into his feelings.

He placed his hand on yours on the table and leaned towards you. Your heart skipped a beat when he stopped right before you and cupped your face.

“I’m not leaving town! I’ll only be two blocks away”

“But you won’t be two meters away”

“Hey, don’t be sad baby, I’ll visit for coffee everyday and we’ll keep in touch of course. You’re never going to lose me anyway, you know I’ll always come back to you”

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course I do silly.”

“Will you sleep with me tonight?”

Wow. Wooyoung was really caught off-guard with that one. He tried not to think about it the way he did but his mind was messing with him. He’s so in love with you that he can’t get enough of you. He’s so obsessed that he’s now considering of not leaving at all.

“Of course I will. Go to bed and I’ll be there in a sec” he said as he indeed needed a second to process everything.

Maybe it was time he told you but he didn’t want things to get weird between you two. All he ever wanted was to be with you after all, not just friends nor friends with benefits, just you and him getting to pursue life differently together.

As he approached your reclined body on your bed, you scooched over a bit so that you made up some space for him. He wrapped his hand around your waist and spooned you after covering you both well with the fluffy pink blanket you love so much. The heat forming between your intertwined bodies started to become intense and it could not be ignored any longer. So, you both simultaneously acted on it.

“So-“ you both said, sharing the same exact thoughts. Chuckles were heard and cute smiles were formed on your faces. He decided to make the first move and speak up.

“Living here with you was something I wanted for quite a while. I wanted to get closer and closer to you and that’s what I still want to do, even after I move out”

“Closer how?”

“Closer in a field that you and I haven’t explored yet.”

“Rightttt…”

“Am I making you uncomfortable dove?”

“No, not at all.”

“Okay then-“

“Go on, I’m quite invested”

“Would you go out with me by any chance?”

“Out as saying ‘out on a date’ ?“

“If it’s a date you want, it’s a date you’ll have.“

“I never said that! I was just asking to clarify what you meant” you blushed

“So you don’t want to go on a date with me?” he made a sad expression, acting dramatic to avoid looking like a fool

“I never said that either” you answered and he raised his head a bit to look at you better with that surprised look he had “I’d like that actually”

He laughed and you started whining at his reaction and hitting him teasingly on his left arm “Why are you laughing at me?! Did I say something weird?”

“No, it’s not you love, it’s me. I’m just trying to cope with the fact that we’re having this conversation.”

“I just hope you mean it”

“What do you mean? Why would I not mean it?”

“Because that’s how you are Wooyo! Being flirty is your nature, how could I be sure that you mean it and that it’s not one of your silly jokes again?”

“Well, I see your point but do you really think I’d risk our friendship ,that’s too important to me, to just mess with you?”

“I dunno…” you said and looked away in embarrassment. He has a great point, why would you defy him so directly? Give the poor boy a minute to pursue you, don’t be that self absorbed and ignore his feelings! He’s trying to make a damn confession for fuck’s sake.

“Should I make it clearer?” he asked after holding your jaw and turning it slightly with his fingers so that you’d face him again, eyes gazing at your lips.

“Crystal clear” you commented giving him the consent he was implicitly asking for.

He smiled as he leaned into you, gently pressing his lips on yours and erasing all your doubts at once. His embrace tightened on your waist and the other hand that was holding your jaw moved down to your neck.

You caressed his arm and broke the kiss to look at his face.

“So pretty” you said and he blushed before connecting your foreheads “How’re you feeling?”

“Me? I feel relieved”

“Relieved? I wasn’t expecting that answer”

“I’ve liked you for too long Wooyoung. Why’d you make me wait so long?”

“I got lost in the way it seems”

“I figured so. I never liked that girl with you, I always wanted it to be me.”

“I always wanted it to be you too- Damn you Y/N! How am I supposed not to sleep with you like this every night now?”

“If you find it hard already then you don’t have to live without it. Instead of moving out, move in with me, totally.”

“I guess I might” he replied and went back to kissing you, wanting to taste every bit of you at that moment.

At this point you two are starting to really enjoy your travel at this new field together. Tongues are battling, each trying to assert dominance. You couldn’t take it anymore, his brattiness. Of course he is ,sexually too, a brat! He thinks he can get away with everything.

Unfortunately, that’s not happening, not with you. You got on top of him and pinned his arms above his head, causing a major shock. You broke the kiss again to look at him just to find him checking you out, his eyes focusing on the part where you made your seat.

“Fuck Y/N”

“You love cursing don’t you? Looks like someone’s not acting mannerly enough”

“I’m just- I dunno, you’re full of surprises, you keep surprising me”

“Oh, let me tell you about it” you implied that you can feel how your ‘surprise’ affected him and to be exact, it has affected you too.

Your panties must be soaked and that’s a realisation that just came across your mind.

While you were stuck in that realisation, he took his chance and turned you over, now him being the one that’s on top.

“Not today love” he said and went on to give you neck kisses that you so adored. “Today’s my turn to tell you about it” he added before starting to suck on the smooth skin in your collarbone area.

You completely melted into his way of showing you his love, placing his marks on his and your favourite spots. Your collarbones, your neck, your upper chest and after taking your shirt off… He’s headed for your nipples.

“They’re perfect” he said in an almost high state. He’s so absorbed in the need to touch you that he forgets to breathe.

“Slow down a b-bit…” you managed to let out and he stopped to look at you

“Are you okay?”

“I’m better than okay. Can you breathe? You’re scaring me” you said and he laughed before placing a soft kiss on your lips

“You’re just so sweet that it makes me want to confirm it further” he complimented and went back to kissing your core. Lowering and lowering and lowering… Till he met the outline of your bottoms. You tried to help him remove them but he slapped your hands away so that he’d do it himself. That’s so Wooyoung of Wooyoung.

Once he caught a glimpse of your underwear, his tongue instinctively stuck out a bit and he brushed his hair backwards.

“Well well well… I guess you got excited too didn’t you?”

“Stop teasing me like that!”

“C’mon! You know it’s my favourite from past conversations… Won’t you do me the favour?” he said as he traced his fingers up your clothed pussy , then removed your underwear and threw it on the floor with a quick gesture “Let all your excitement out for me baby, I need to hear you” he notified before starting to rub circles on your already aroused clit with his thumb.

His fingers are long and slim so being touched by him feels better than you could ever imagine. You have in fact imagined it, many times. But this, this felt like heaven compared to your own imaginary productions. The combination of him being between your thighs, touching you and not being able to withhold himself has you starting to tremble. Or maybe it’s because his tongue now stole the job from his thumb. Maybe he really did want to find out if you were sweet elsewhere too.

He’s so focused in eating you out that anyone could tell how much he wants to make you feel good. And dare one say, he’s doing a great job…

“I’m almost there-“ you informed in a high pitched voice, back arching a bit, all to be left back only with your lust and full of desperation. No orgasm was brought to the table for you.

“Fuck, Woo why’d you have to-…” you cursed almost crying out in disappointment

“Because… We need to make our first time special, right?” he said and made you turn over, now laying on your stomach while he’s massaging your bare ass. “Wow…” he said and made you laugh through your embarrassment once again.

He laid a smack on both your ass cheeks and you moaned into your pillow, drunk in your own tears from your previous unfulfillment. He then grabbed your hair to get you to stop covering yourself.

“Why’re you hiding from me? If you want me to stop my love then I will.”

You found it confusing how he’s so filthy with his ways but so comforting with his words. It’s the perfect combination you seeked for and it being provided to you from him makes it even more perfect.

“Do I look like I want to stop or hide? I’m completely naked and moaning after my best friend of eight years”

“Hm. Would a friend really make you tremble like that?”

“What do you mean?” you said poorly as he quickly put two fingers inside you and started finger-fucking you

“Am I your friend, Y/N?”

“What do you want to be?” you said, your voice trembling with every quick movement

“It’s not about what I want. It’s about facts. What am I to you?”

“Okay then, I’m neither hiding nor want to stop being fucked by my best friend and boyfriend. Is that what you wanted to hear?” you said after holding onto his arm so he’d stop momentarily for you to make your point

“It’s all I ever wanted to hear” he admitted and you immediately snapped your lips together, needing him now more than you ever have.

Jung Wooyoung, your best friend, is now your boyfriend. After all these years of hiding in your own shell, you can finally let loose and turn all your fantasies into reality.

You continued by getting your hands under his tshirt, caressing his beautifully built body. He then took it off in a quick motion, leaning back a bit making his abs tighten. You took your chance and helped him by clinging onto his grey sweatpants while looking into his eyes.

He took the hint and finally let you do your thing. You removed them and left him with his boxers alone. You slowly pushed him to lay him back on his back while you got on top of him, almost crawling. You took your seat again as you also took the hint earlier that he’d totally love a ride. You passionately rinded on him and all he could do was grab your hips and squeeze them to how he wanted you the most. You’re making him go crazy with how bold you are and that’s a topic that’s getting him really turned on.

He was used to that specific picture of you in his mind being the closed up one, the more morally minded one and the more intelligent kind. It excites him how all these are also seen in sex with you. You seem like you know exactly what you’re doing so he can just give and take the exact pleasure he knows you both need. And even better that it’s you giving him that pleasure. What’s more appealing to him than doing sexual things with his hot and intelligent girlfriend that he loves so much anyway?

“I need you Y/N, please”

“Then go on and have me” you gave him permission and his eyes lit up. He took his chance and removed his underwear. You tried to touch him but he put your hands together behind your back to give you the message that once you’re to have him, you’re to have him submissively and whole. At least that goes for today.

You smiled and lifted your hips a bit to help him enter you. The feeling of being stretched is already overwhelming but him starting to thrust into you right away made you see stars. He has been holding on to this hardly resistible urge of destroying you since you called him your boyfriend, so now, he can finally let loose.

You didn’t even have the chance to process the feeling, you just had it built up on you, or built in you to be more exact.

“So good” you whined

“Did your previous boyfriend fuck you like that?” he asked you, moaning while thrusting into you roughly from below. Even with you on top of him, he’s still the one controlling the tides.

You answered by shaking your head negatively which unfortunately did not sit right with him.

“What was that? I didn’t quite catch it darling”

“N-no!”

“No? Is that the best you’ve got?”

“He never did it that good! N-not like you Wooyoung”

“That’s right, use your words. Tell me how good it feels” he said and let out a breathless moan before laying another smack on your ass while hitting your gummy spot so good.

“R-right there…”

“You’re so beautiful my love” he whispered breathlessly again in your ear before moving his right hand to your neck, chocking you the way you like it.

“Ah, I love it!“ you managed to say all chocked up seconds before Wooyoung attacked your lips.

You bit on his lower lip, something that reflected your hard on erection and your upcoming orgasm.

“Are you close?”

“Yes, please let me cum this time-“ you said, looking just adorable begging for him to let you finally get your pleasure. He laughed and kissed your cheek before placing his hand on your lower stomach, applying just the pressure you needed.

“Tell me what I want to hear then”

“What is it?”

“Use your pretty brain pretty girl”

“G-give me a hint at least!”

“Three words”

You knew exactly why he was making you do this. He wanted to see how fucked up your mind was in this situation you were, fucked so well and so desperate to cum that you were starting to lose it.

“T-three words?”

“Yes baby, tell me”

“C’mon Wooyoung, stop messing with me! You know I love you”

“You love me?”

“Yes!”

“Okay then tell me” he said and slapped your swollen clit to which you of course had a reaction.

You whined and rolled your eyes, your head fell back and trying to balance it made you dizzy.

“I love you Wooyoung. So much!” you accepted your fate and he smiled before uniting your lips again

“I love you too baby. Let’s cum together yeah?” he said and you shook your head, hugging him and kissing his neck as he pounded fast into you while rubbing your clit again with his thumb

His moans started to get louder and his thrusts sloppier. That didn’t last long though because your insides started to squeeze him as you collapsed on top of him. He tightened his grip on your ass as he filled you up so well that it started to drip on the sweaty purple bedsheets you had changed just this morning.

You both took your time to catch your breaths with him still inside you. You stopped hugging him and placed your hands gently on his bare and sweaty chest to look at his beautiful dizzy face.

He let his head fall back and lay against the wall behind him which revealed the unique marks you had painted on his neck some minutes ago.

“You’re even more stunning all fucked up by me” he said and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear

“So after glow’s a real thing?”

“You’re glowing all the time what do you mean?”

“So you’re saying that you didn’t do a good job?”

“Well, I think the results prove that I did a pretty good job”

“So confident!”

“That was always my specialty”

“I know. And now, as a punishment that you didn’t even let me touch you, you Jung Wooyoung will change the bedsheets”

“If you were so desperate to suck my dick you should’ve just asked for it”

“Are you kidding me? You were the one that pinned my hands behind my back and didn’t even give me the chance to!”

“I know I know I’m just messing with you. I love seeing you flustered, you know that. I’ll change the sheets but first… Do you know what I’ll do first?”

“Please tell me about it, I’m so interested!” you mocked him and he started to tickle you before he grabbed and held you bridal-style

“First I’ll get you all cleaned up” he said, carried you to the bathroom and gently placed you in the bathtub before going in behind you himself “We’ve got our first official date as a couple tomorrow after all, don’t we?” he implied and started setting up the right temperature for your relaxing aftercare showering session.

[janners]

Forgive and Forget

Ao’nung x deaf!reader

warnings : little angst, Fluff, little bit of violence

wordcount : 9.9k

a/n : writing angst is so fun, but I also can’t write fluff for shit lol. Also bolded italics are when they are using sign language and just bolded is normal talking. Also I'm not good at coming up with titles, also not sure if I like this work sooo yea.

_

Being born into the family of Toruk Makto brings great joy for everyone. One problem, physical disabilities. Children turn to their mothers and fathers, for their comforting words and lullabies. But for you, you could only rely on touch and vibrations as your ears have been blessed with silence. Ever since you were born, you could not hear anything but muffled noises until it developed into silence.

Jake and Neytiri were stunned not knowing how to react as the great mother gifted them a child of tìkakpam(deafness). A child brought into a world of danger and curiosity who is at a disadvantage in many aspects. They brought you to Norm hoping that there was a way to assist you in any way. Normally hearing aids would be the answer but unfortunately the anatomy of a Na’vi is much different compared to a human.  

Norm promised them that he would find some sort of solution.

_

As the years passed, the more you grew. Most of your life was within the village. Jake and Neytiri wanted you to be safe knowing that hearing is a big part of their lives when it comes to sensing things around them. Though for you, you felt as if you were a burden. Having to constantly be with someone at all times and not being able to explore with your siblings. You understood the dangers that lurk beyond the village lines, but only once did you want to experience what others experience.

Learning also took you a little longer compared to other kids around you. You didn’t have a way of communicating with anyone until Jake remembered that sign language existed. Working with Norm, they created Na’vi sign language for you to learn. As they slowly introduced the new language to you, the more eager you were to learn. A fast learner is what they saw you as. Just within a year of practising and learning, you were amazingly advanced for your age - or at least amongst humans as Norm put it.

_

Being 17, you were allowed to have a bit more freedom compared to when you were younger. Even if you couldn’t go out as far as the rest, you still had certain areas you were allowed to explore. You also passed your lknimaya with little effort, just like Kiri the Ikran chose you without wanting to kill you. It seemed as though the great mother gave both you and Kiri close connections to her. Your Ikran had a deep purple colour with delicate black, yellow, and light purple accents covering its body - her name being flefle.

You had a routine that you followed everyday. Wake up, stretch, eat, then head out to do your chores. Your chores only really consisted of joining the gathering group to collect plants and fruit for the clan, as well as training under Mo’at with Kiri. Though on special days, you get to teach children sign language hoping that a second language could be learned throughout the clan. The children adored you, being gentle and patient with them and even goofing off made them love you as a teacher.

Unfortunately, the one day you decided to go against your parents' rules was the day you’d get caught by uniltìrantokxolo'. It all started with Tuk complaining that Lo’ak wouldn’t take her with him to explore the forest. Tuk had ran up to you as you were weaving some baskets, she quickly signed “Lo’ak is being a meanie, he won’t take me with him to the forest with the others. Can you please tell him that he has to take me!”

You give her a small smile in amusement knowing how Lo’ak and Tuk are half the time. You put the half done basket done to sign back “TukTuk, you know it isn’t very safe in the forest especially when you are still my little baby sister” she could only pout knowing that you are right but she tried asking you once more “Please y/n, I’ll be safe I swear on Eywa plus Lo’ak is strong enough to protect us and if not then he must suck as a warrior” You huffed in delight, you told Tuk to stay put as you went to go talk to Lo’ak about it.

Walking towards him seeing as he is ready to go to the labs before embarking on his adventure with Kiri. You quickly clap to grab his attention, he turns to the noise - once he saw you he could only sigh, especially with Tuk trailing behind you. You gave him a head tilt with a knowing look, he could only roll his eyes knowing what this was about.

“Tuk what did I tell you about telling y/n?”

Tuk stuck her tongue out to Lo’ak hoping it would offend him. He scrunched his nose at her giving a disgruntled look. You walked in front of him, giving him a flick on his forehead and making sharp gestures after. “Are you trying to go exploring again? You know how father reacts when you do things like this especially sa’nok when you bring Spider with you”

He gave you a deadpanned look since his conversation happens every time he tries to go out and explore. “How come you don’t tell Kiri this?” feeling a little insulted (sarcastically) when you only talked to him about this. “Kiri knows her limits unlike your skxawng ass”

He could only make a mocking face with his mouth imitating your words. You rolled your eyes at him now. You turn to Kiri hoping that they’ll be safe. “Are you guys going to stay in the areas we are allowed to and not go to the prohibited areas?” Kiri gives a curt nod “I’ll try to, you know how Lo’ak gets' ' Before she finished her sentence an idea popped into her mind. “Why don’t you come with us for once?!” You only sigh. “Sempu and Sa’nok would not like that you know, I think you forgot about my rules that they’ve set for me”

Lo’ak watching the interaction between you two made him throw his hands in the air in exasperation. “Eywa, just come with us for once and not be a stick in the mud Tsmuke” You gave him an irritated look when he signed “stick in the mud” but he wasn’t wrong.

Tuk suddenly jumped up from her spot just now forming what they had said.

“Lo’ak pleeaasse convince y/n to come with us, that way she won’t have to worry about me”

He only groaned just wanting to leave now. “Just come with us y/n, just this one time before Tuk keeps complaining?” You gave him an unsure look knowing how your parents would react to you being out of the safety zones of the village. But you thought, only one time couldn’t hurt what’s the worst that could happen, right? Finally you gave in, Lo’ak content and Tuk cheering. You all walk off towards the lab to grab Spider - your relationship with Spider isn’t very existent since you don’t see him very often.

As you enter the lab, Lo’ak and Kiri go their own way as you head towards Norm and Max. Giving a quick hello to them, you walk closer to them curious on what they’re working on. Taking a closer look, you gave Norm a knowing glance, he had been working on a hearing aid equipped for Na’vi ears. You tap his shoulder “Uncle Norm, I have told you already that you do not need to do this for me. I feel bad that you are taking your time on just this.” Norm turns to you with a bleak look on his face. “Don’t feel bad, I want this for you, I want you to be able to experience what we hear in your beautiful home plus you are my niece, of course I would do this for you.”

Just before you could respond back, Tuk drags you away to the entrance doors. Waving Norm bye before Tuk could drag you any further. Going out you see the three of them waiting for you and Tuk. “Hello Spider” he gave you a small smile before signing "Hi” back. He didn’t mind you either, although he didn’t know much about you it seemed as though you didn’t judge him for what he is and he appreciated it. All of you were now venturing off into the dense forest. You follow closely behind Kiri as you weren’t as familiar to the paths like the rest. You snap your fingers to grab Lo’aks attention once more, “Where are we even going?” Giving you a mischievous grin he said “A surprise” which could only mean bad things knowing how he is.

Continuing to walk through the plants for a couple more minutes before Lo’ak made everyone stop. You bump into Kiri’s back giving her a questioning stare, she gestured you to crouch down to the ground. You weren’t as to why, you turned to see what Lo’ak was doing, making us stop suddenly. He was looking in a certain direction, you followed his gaze just to fall on an old abandoned shack. Oh no, the shack we’re not allowed to come to. You waddled over to Lo’ak giving him a slap on his back. “Are you crazy?” You made hurried movements with your hands to show that you were annoyed with him. “This area is prohibited to all of us”

He gave you an annoyed glance before talking with Spider. You threw your head back while plopping down onto the dirt below you. You signed to Kiri that this was a dumb idea. She could only agree. Just before you guys decided to leave, your brother found tracks in the mud. They were fairly large considering that it was a boot mark. “You don’t think it is uniltìrantokx do you?” Giving them a worried look while pulling Tuk closer to your body. Their ears folded down seeing as it may be the only thing that made those marks. Lo’ak quickly communicated to our father about our findings.

He gestured to all of us to go quickly and quietly back to the village. “Lo’ak is it Skypeople?”

He nods briefly, you felt upset at yourself for allowing this to happen. You hold Tuk and Kiris hands as you try to navigate back home. Abruptly Tuk was stolen out of your grasp by a dreamwalker. You tried reaching out to her desperately wanting to pull her back before another dreamwalker pulled you by your kuru. You let out a strangled noise, panic coursing through your body from the sudden shock. They kicked your legs to make you kneel, you see they rest being captured the same being done to them.

You watch as they start talking, not understanding a word coming from their mouths. Lo’ak talking as well and making a vulgar gesture to the uniltìrantokx. You couldn’t focus well, your breathing uneven, pupils shrinking in fear.

“Hey shut that girl up, her breathing is too loud for me to hear this boy”

“Got it colonel”

Someone grabbed your cheeks harshly making you look at them. They were spewing words out as if they were yelling. You panic more seeing that they were angry with you, not being able to respond. You close your eyes, shaking your head vigorously.

“LET HER GO YOU ASSHOLES, SHE’S DEAF SHE CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU”

The grip on your face loosened, your panicked state still present. Your eyes shift to Lo’ak as he gestured to you to calm down. You tried to slow your breathing down as you continued to witness the interactions between your siblings and the dreamwalkers. As time passed it grew dark, waiting for your family to come help you all. You glance over to Tuk making sure she was okay, her ears suddenly perked. Watching as the rest of them seem alerted by something.

It was a blur really, you were on the ground, next thing you knew an arrow shot across hitting one of the avatars. Guns started shooting near you, the one time you were glad not to hear those scary machines. Not knowing what to do, Lo’ak ran to grab you off the ground. Finally reaching the dense trees and bushes for cover, he asked if you were okay. “I’m okay, are you alright though?” He gave you a small nod. Only a minute later everyone else had found the two of you. Relief washes over Jake and Neytiri's faces seeing everyone was unscathed.

It seemed as though they had gotten rid of all the uniltìrantokx. Your mother came to you with a worried look pulling you into a quick embrace before pulling back to give a stern face. “You were not allowed to be here, you were to stay in the village” You could only give her a downcasted face as you were in the wrong. Neytiri sighs knowing how hard this must’ve been on you. Giving you one more quick hug before following everyone else back home.

_

Raids continued for another week until the tawtute eventually left Pandora once more. Unfortunately, your father wanted to leave for both our and the clan's safety. It was like another nightmare, the only home you knew was now being left behind. You weren’t as upset compared to your siblings but it still hurt knowing that you had to leave everything behind.

Jake stepped down from the role of Olo’eyktan with a solemn look. Everyone slowly mounted their Ikrans preparing to take off. There wasn’t much to take with you unlike Tuk and her toys and trinkets. She was always able to lift the mood somehow. You put the rest of her things on your Ikran before seating yourself on Flefle. Your father had given a signal to finally take off, taking one last look at the people and the forest. You thought about many things while flying during the long hours. How will I nag Norm now? Will the reef people accept a Na’vi like you? Would you be outcasted? How will you be able to feel vibrations on sand or water? It has troubled you greatly not knowing if you will be able to feel vibrations.

After a couple more more hours you start to watch as the dark blue slowly turns into beautiful crystalline water. You admire the colourful coral decorating the reef before spotting Na’vi with a much lighter skin tone. You follow your father and the rest on to a small clearing on the sand to land. As you land, Na’vi starts to slowly surround your family with curious and questioning gazes. Jumping off your Ikran, you walk closer to Neteyam grabbing his arm. Two boys emerged from the crowd looking at your family. They walk around to the back studying your bodies.

You felt a lingering stare coming from behind. You look over your shoulder to catch the taller boy studying you the most. He realised you had caught him and averted his gaze to his friend beside him. He started talking but you couldn’t make out what they were saying. You turn to Neteyam asking what they were talking about, he told you not to worry too much about it. Giving him an unsure look you look back to your parents conversing with two other Na’vi. The Tsahik swiftly made her way towards you, she circled you and grabbed your tail while having an unimpressed look. You took your tail out of her grasp giving her a furrowed glance. She only looked at you with a squinted look before heading towards Lo’ak.

First impressions weren’t exactly the best, especially with your reaction. They had accepted your request of Uturu much to their dismay. Their daughter Tsireya, as Lo’ak told you, guided you all to your Mauri. You made them go ahead as you still needed to grab the last items from your Ikran. You wondered what Tuk had packed as it was heavy. Tossing things over your shoulder and carrying another on your back, you started to walk to catch up to your family. The boy from earlier saw you struggle, he tried calling you but no reply. Is she ignoring me on purpose? He gave up, annoyed with you not responding to him. Back with you, you finally caught up with your siblings. Settling into the Mauri you observe your brothers and sisters jumping into the water. You turn to your parents with doe eyes, wanting to join your siblings. They give each other a glance.

“Should we let her? I think it is safe enough in the reef to let her go, right?”

Neytiri took his words and contemplated whether to let you go or not. She did not want you getting hurt while wandering off but she also wanted to grant you freedom. She looked to where you were standing still waiting on their answer, she gave you a small smile.

“You may join them”

You gave her a toothy smile before joining your brothers and sisters. At the edge of the dock, you stare at the water, enamoured by its beauty. Lo’ak swam to you, “Are you allowed to come?” Smiling at him you nod. A small distance away, Tsireya asked Neteyam a question that she had in her mind since you guys got here.

“How do you all know sign language so well?”

Neteyam spun to face her, his mouth shaped as an O forgetting that they do not know about y/n.

“Our sister cannot hear you see, so we all learned sign language together to be able to talk with each other”

Her eyes widened with the fact that you were deaf but also impressed with their language skills. Of course Ao’nung could not hear Neteyam talk about you, too busy with daydreaming while waiting for everyone to join.

You dip your feet into the warm water before slowly emerging the rest of your body into the ocean. The water was soothing, helping with the aching muscles you had. You follow Lo’ak to join the others. As everyone emerged into the ocean, it was like a whole new world beneath the surface. You wandered off on our own just like Kiri, you admired every little detail of the coral and other aquatic plants surrounding you. Small unique looking fish started to swim around you. A look of amazement graced your features from the colourful fish and their behaviour. Eyes following their movement before they swam away.

It seemed as though your brothers could not hold their breaths for much longer. They all surfaced not seeing me or Kiri with them. Ao’nung ducked back into the water, he saw you far from the group swimming by yourself. He couldn’t help but see a breathtaking scene before him. You spun around to see where the others were, instead you met the boy's eyes. Feeling a little flustered you sent him a small wave, but all he returned was nothing while he went back up to the surface. Ears folding down, you felt a little dejected from the actions but focused back on the different world around you.

_

You had gotten out of the water much sooner than the others. A cut was on your arm from the corals being too immersed with your surroundings. Heading to the healing Mauri, you took quiet steps to the entrance, knocking on the side to grab the Tsahik’s attention. She looked up seeing you with blood running down your arm. Waving you over to sit, you were quick to sign an apology. Ronal looked at you with an odd expression. “You know sign?” Giving a curt nod, “I was born with tìkakpam” Eyes widening for a second before coming closer to you to inspect your cut. Placing a paste of mixed plants and herbs onto your arm before wrapping it with leaves. “Do not get this wet until the cut has been sealed” You smile “Irayo” You stood up to leave until you felt a hold on your hand, it was the Tsahik. Ronal had some remorse towards the girl despite their differences. “How would you feel about teaching the young children sign language? I heard from your mother that you did some teaching but I did not know what it was until now.”

You felt the tight feeling in your chest loosen a tiny bit. “I would love to.” To your surprise the Tsahik gave you a smile who was now shooing you off to continue your exploring. You felt a bit down due to not being able to swim for the time being but you shook the feeling off, striding to the shore. You slowly walk while water rises to tickle your feet, from a distance you see the same boy from earlier throwing spears into the sand. You walk towards him, you grab a stick from the sand and gently tap the tree near you. Ao’nung was slightly startled, missing his target. He turned to prepare to cuss someone out but immediately stopped as his eyes landed on you.

Eyes curving into a moon shape as you smiled and waved at him. There was a slight flutter in his chest seeing you. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling this way, he barely knew you.

“What are you doing here?”

You squint at his moving mouth, you picked up on what he said. “I was just walking until I stumbled upon you throwing the spears” He tilted his head, not understanding why you were using that language. Seeing his confused face, you completely forgot that he must’ve not heard about you. You quickly sign once more “oh sorry, I don't know if anyone told you but I am deaf” You gave him a gummy smile, he felt a bit guilty not knowing especially when he had tried calling out to you a few times. He walked closer to you, “I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself properly yet, I am Ao’nung” You look up to meet his gaze, he was quite tall for his age. “Nice to meet you Ao’nung, My name is y/n.” Y/n? A pretty name. He had thought.

You spent the rest of your time with Ao’nung. He’s shown you most of the island and told you about some traditions they do. You guys compare your traditions, competing with which is better. Some small banter here and there. Walking along the docks you spot these adorable creatures in the water. “What kind of creatures are those?” Your eyes glimmered in admiration. A small chuckle escaped Ao’nung’s lips, “These are called Ilu, very kind creatures they are.” Smile widening, you look into his eyes asking if it was okay to touch them just with your face. To him, you looked like an overexcited child receiving their first spear, he could only grin at the sight. He gave you the go ahead with a small nod. The Ilu swam up closer to the dock as you crouched down and reached your hand out.

It felt much more different from what you expected. The Ilu were very smooth and slippery, slightly rubbery. Your tail swinging back and forth, you look back up to Ao’nung with a determined face. “Can you teach me to ride one?”  He gave you a surprised look, “Well I planned on teaching you all the next morning…”  You stood swiftly grabbing both his hands, your face full of eagerness. He couldn’t resist and gave in. “Fine, but you better show off how good of a teacher I am tomorrow when I teach your siblings” You throw your hands up, victorious in convincing him. Immediately your mood dampened, you looked down to your arm, ah the cut. “Sorry Ao’nung, It seems that I’ve forgotten about my injury. I cannot get it wet.” Your face is apologetic.

Studying his face, he appeared a little disappointed. “It’s alright, once your arm is healed up I will teach you then.” Giving you a gentle smile. Alas, someone saw the scene, that person being Tsireya. She was ecstatic seeing her brother having a soft spot for you. Tsireya then saw you guys part ways for the day, just as you went out of view she ran up to her brother with the widest grin.

“You like her don’t you!?”

He was stunned by the sudden appearance of his younger sister. Heat filled his cheeks swatting his sister away.

“W-what are you talking about? Me, liking her? That is nonsense.”

Tsireya put her hand on her hip giving him the most unbelieving look she could give him.

“Your cheeks say otherwise brother”

“Bah, this is none of your business anyways. Plus I could say the same when you were looking at the forest boy”

A smug expression replacing his flustered one. Tsireya now he one who is flustered from the sudden mention of the one brother. She smacked his arm as hard as she could.

“OW, you did not have to hit me that hard women”

She could only roll her eyes. They both head on back to their Mauri constantly bickering along the way.

_

The felt someone shaking you gently, you awaken rubbing your eyes and letting out a long yawn. You turn to see who woke you, your mother. She ushered you over to eat,  you took a seat beside Tuk who was munching away. You ruffle her braids while signing good morning. Neytiri gently tapped the floor grabbing your attention, feeling the small vibrations you lift your head. Your mother signed about the talk you had with Ronal. “I heard that you are to teach the young ones sign?” You give her a soft smile, “Yes, the Tsahik assigned me to be a teacher after hearing that I was a teacher back home. I am quite excited” Neytiri huffed out air in content seeing her daughter settling well to the changes. “I hope you are ready then, the Tsahik told me to tell you to meet her at her Mauri today after you finish eating” Nodding, your attention back on eating thrilled for today’s events.

You wave your mother off as you head to the Mauri with a little skip to your walk. Finally reaching your destination, you see the Tsahik patiently waiting for your arrival. As you greet her, Ronal’s face softens from her usual hardened look. “Are you ready for your first day?” You nod energetically, excited to see what it was like to teach metkayina children. Both of you reach a small secluded area, just before you could take another step you spot a boy about your age waiting there. “This is Fänau, he will help you with the young as they are only beginners, he will translate for them.” You open your mouth in understanding. “The parents should come in a few minutes to drop their children off, have fun” Giving you one last smile she waves you off.

You walk to Fänau wanting to introduce yourself and get to know him a bit better before lessons start. “Hello, my name is y/n I hope we can work well together” You give him a kind smile. “I am Fänau as Tsahik mentioned, I am excited to work with you.”

_

Ao’nung was doing his morning chores. As he was carrying some baskets before he spotted his mother and you walking together. Suspicious, he followed behind them to see what they were doing. They stopped in a small area, he squinted his eyes to see what his mother was saying. First day? For what? Then he spotted Fänau, watching you two interact made him feel irritated. His mood was now spoiled, walking away with tight fists.

_

The first lesson was amazing, the children were amazing despite only knowing a few basic signs. You were radiating happiness as you passed a few members of the clan, you couldn't even be bothered by the stares you were getting. Walking to the shore, you remembered that your siblings were learning to ride Ilus today. Increasing your speed you finally spot them in the water getting ready to ride. You crouch to sit and watch them learn since your cut hasn’t fully healed yet.

Neteyam noticed your figure from a distance, he waves nice and high. Seeing you wave back made him chuckle. Ao’nung took a glimpse of you, you really were pretty in the sun. He felt a nudge in his side, turning just to see Lo’ak giving him a death stare.

“Stop ogling my sister fish lips”

“Who said I was looking at your sister?”

He looked away immediately trying to shield faint blush. Lo’ak gave him a dirty look not believing what he’s seeing right now. He slowly walks to Tsireya still giving Ao’nung a warning look. You continue to watch your siblings learn, chuckling to yourself as you saw Lo’ak fall off his Ilu. But your gaze trailed to Ao’nung who was also laughing, who knew one could look nice when they are laughing like that. Waving your hands frantically trying to wave those thoughts away. You must’ve thought you were crazy for thinking that way.

As they finish up their lessons, Kiri makes her way to you with a content smile. “The ocean is so beautiful” You smile agreeing with Kiri, the only thing missing is hearing the water and waves. How you wish you could hear it. Everyone had dispersed doing their own things, except you and Kiri. You stayed where you guys were, admiring the nature around you while Kiri was admiring the sand in the water. You caught a glimpse of figures moving from the corner of your eye. It was Ao’nung and a few other boys talking to Kiri. Your head tilted to the side wondering what they needed Kiri for. Brows furrowing see the discomfort on your sister's face. Standing from the sand, you walk over and grab Kiri’s hand and look towards Ao’nung. “Is there something you need from Kiri?”  Ao’nung faltered seeing you appear beside Kiri.

Instead of him signing to you he talks once more to Kiri. You catch the word freak coming from his mouth. You give him a hurt expression, you press your hand against his chest to put space between him and your sister. Just before you could say anything else Lo’ak comes onto the scene taking your hand away from Ao’nung. Neteyam then came along to relieve the tension between the two boys. Only a second later, literally a second, a fight broke out. While Kiri was laughing, you had a horrified expression on your face. You walk up to Ao’nung pulling on his tail to get him off your brother. In a blink of an eye, you felt pressure against your check making you fall back.

Everyone froze in place. First person to move was Kiri helping you off the ground asking if you were okay. You didn’t reply, you only looked at Ao’nung with a crestfallen look taking over your features. Before more punches could break out, your fathers came to the scene quickly pulling everyone apart. Ao’nung tried reaching out to you before being pulled away by his father. Your father left you with Ronal to help the bruise that is forming on your cheek. “Thank you for the paste Tsahik '' She shook her head, “You do not need to thank me, I swear to eywa if my son does something like this again so help me” You chuckle quietly seeing Ronal worked up over her son. “Also there is no need to call me Tsahik, just call me Ronal '' Her face is gentle as she continues to rub paste on your cheek. You were beaming now being on a first name basis with the Tsahik.

_

As the sun sets and the moon rises, you carefully take off the leaves surrounding your arm. The cut was finally sealed up, a smile graced your features knowing you can go into the water once more. The smile faded watching your brothers and sisters come into the Mauri with both annoyed and upset looks. “What is wrong? Did something happen again?” Neteyam could only sigh, “Ao’nung took Lo’ak outside the reef and basically left him for dead” Your expression etched into anger, not knowing why Ao’nung would do this. Kiri looked a little surprised as it was rare for you to get mad.

Standing up with anger radiating off your body, you stride towards Ao’nungs Mauri tail whipping around in frustration. Reaching the entrance you give the Olo’eyktan and Ronal a quick greeting. You didn’t meet the eyes of Ao’nung as you signed to Ronal. “I'm sorry to disturb you Ronal, but may I talk to your son” She took in your stiff posture and expression, the corner of her mouth perking up a little before giving you a brief nod. She found it quite amusing that her son was about to earn another lecture from someone else, especially from you.

Ao’nung hesitated with following you out, not ready for what you have to say. Finding a small spot on the sand you finally turn to meet his nervous gaze. Your stern face changed to sorrow. “Why?” He knew exactly what you were talking about but like a skxawng he played dumb. “What do you mean?” Frustration growing once more, you punch his chest. “You first called us freaks and then left my brother to die outside the reef” Your gestures were sharp and quick showing your bitterness. He only looked down knowing what he did was extremely wrong. You huff air from your nose in disbelief, you thought he was nice but you thought wrong. You made him look at you once more. “Not only that, if my siblings are freaks, then what am I? I have the same features of those tawtute and I cannot hear. Does that make me a monstrosity compared to everyone else?”

Not once did Ao’nung feel that way. You were one of the most gorgeous Na’vi he’s ever seen. He wished he could say those to you but he was still silent. Tears well up in your eyes, your head hung low. “To think that one person wouldn’t judge me apart from my family. I really thought we could’ve been friends Ao’nung maybe even a little bit more than that” Again silence, you took it as a sign that Ao’nung wouldn’t change. Ao’nung was frozen in place, not being able to comprehend what you signed. You wanted something more? Just as he lifted his head to look at you, your body was already walking away from his figure. He wanted to reach out, he really did, but he stayed in place not wanting to make matters worse.

You make it back to the Mauri and sit right beside your mom. Head leaning into her side, tears now falling freely accompanied with small sniffles. Neytiri wanted to ask what had happened but thought it was best to comfort her daughter with her warm touch. She brought you closer into her body as you continued to cry quietly. Neytiri started to hum your waytelem hoping you could feel the vibrations from her chest. The soft murmurs from your mothers body calmed you, you felt your body slowly falling into slumber. In time you fall asleep completely, Neytiri picks up your small figure and puts you onto your mat and gently drapes a thin cover over you.

Jake looked at Neytiri with a concerned look. They knew that moving somewhere away from the forest would come with difficulties. It was a small given that the children would be seen differently due to their different appearances. He contacted Norm and asked about his little project for you. His throat felt parched hearing that Norm had almost figured it out. Norm mentioned that in another week or two it could be ready for use. Jake sighed in relief, you would finally be able to experience the sounds of their stunning world. Looking over to your peaceful frame, he could only worry because you were his first daughter and he knows how much you’ve been through.

_

Days have passed, you’ve gone everyday to teach the children along with your new friend Fänau. You have also been ignoring Ao’nung because you weren’t ready to face him. Ever since that day, you haven’t really given yourself the time to learn how to ride and explore more of the ocean. Fänau was walking by your side after finishing the lesson for today. You turn to him with a cheeky smile, “Have you gotten the chance to talk with Zoprrì?” giving him a small nudge with your hip. His face flushed with purple and gave you a small smack on your arm. “Do not tease me. I tried but I fumbled over my words and ran” Fänau buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. You bring your hand up to his shoulder for comfort. “You still have lots of time, he will definitely see how awesome you are Fänau” You give him your widest smile with a small thumbs up. He could only release a small laugh at your silly gestures.

It was his turn to give you a teasing smile. “How’s Ao’nung?” You give him a deadpan expression. “You know damn well how he is, I did not rant to you two days ago just for you to ask that dumb question” He chuckled, “He is like a lovesick puppy, he keeps trying to find you” You roll your eyes as you cross your arms, then releasing with sharp movements. “Lovesick? Lovesick my ass, if he really did then he would not have called us freaks' ' Fänau found it amusing when you started ranting, but he knows that you would not budge from the idea of avoiding Ao’nung. “He is going to keep trying to talk to you until you finally give in” Eyes squinting at him, you slowly sign “I won’t give in, watch me” He pursed his lips then released a long sigh. “You will, I know you are still upset with him but you will have to talk with him eventually especially when you live here now” Your ears face down, he was right but Ao’nung did not deserve your friendship right now. Both of you continue to walk discussing random topics.

Ao’nung once again had gone in search of you. He desperately wanted to apologise, he did not want to lose you. He searched throughout the village but you made no appearance. Realisation took over his features that you must’ve been teaching right now during this time. Walking to the area, he thought of many ways to somehow start the conversation once he finally has the chance. Just on time, the lesson had just finished but he paused his movements. He saw you walk away with Fänau. Twinge of jealousy pricks his heart seeing the two side by side. Instead of walking away, he followed the two of you making sure not to make a sound. He was too far to see what you were discussing with him, he moved in closer hiding behind the trees. He read your movements and got to the part where you mentioned him calling you freaks. Guilt washed over his body, it was his fault for saying those foul things.

He studied your expression, it was full of annoyance and a tinge of sadness. Ao’nung did not want you to feel upset with him. An idea popped into his head, gifts. Remembering that his sister was skilled in making accessories. Leaving the scene, he ran with determination towards his family Mauri. Today was an off day for them, entering the Mauri he spots his sister already working on some small trinkets and bracelets.

“Tsireya?”

She looked up from her work seeing her brother standing awfully awkwardly.

“Did you need something Ao’nung?”

He wasn’t sure why he was feeling shy for asking a small favour from his younger sister. Fiddling with his fingers he opened his mouth just to close it again. He felt frustrated with himself for not being able to get the words out. He let out a groan, looking straight at Tsireya once more before he blurted out.

“Can you help me make stuff for Y/n…”

Her eyes were blown wide before she beamed with delight. Scrambling up to stand, she ran up to her brother pulling him towards her working area. Tsireya pushed down on his shoulders forcing him to sit, but did it a bit too hard making him fall hard on his butt. He let out a small yelp, giving his sister a stunned look. Letting out a small sorry before she sat next to him with a look of curiosity.  

“What exactly did you want to make for her? A charm? Bracelet? A beautiful top? Hair decor? Cute trinkets?”

He cut her off by smacking his hand on her mouth to stop her from rambling. She was getting too excited for his liking. Pinching his nose bridge he came up with an idea.

“I was hoping to give her a variety of things until she finally lets me talk to her. I thought we would start with an accessory for her ears seeing she has a hole in her ear”

Tisreya looked at her brother full of admiration. She was grateful that you were able to change Ao’nungs foul behaviour. She shuffled closer to Ao’nung showing him a variety of pieces that they could use to start this earring. He knew that you usually wore feathers but they didn’t really have those. Some scales caught his eye, they were shiny and in the light they reflected with a beautiful orange and yellow colour.

“Do you think I could mend these together and shape it?”

He picked the scales up showing them to Tsireya. She squinted her eyes while staring at the scales in thought. A solid nod, he exhaled not knowing he was holding his breath for her approval. Hours went by as Ao’nung was a bit difficult to teach especially when snarky remarks were being tossed back and forth. Tsireya constantly smacks his hand when he does something wrong after being told repeatedly not to do that. Or he groans in frustration while dropping the earring flopping backwards onto his back. Tsireya could only give him apathetic looks. Through all of that they finally finish the set of earrings made for you. They both release a sigh of content before falling back at the same time.

“You plan to do this how often Ao’nung?”

“...every night”

She sits up so quickly, almost giving herself whiplash. Looking at Ao’nung with a gaping mouth and furrowed look.

“AND YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T LIKE HER”

“WHAT DOES MAKING STUFF FOR HER MAKE YOU THINK I LIKE HER?”

Tsireya looked at him like he was crazy. She threw her hands up in exasperation while huffing out.

“HAH, YOU’RE BASICALLY COURTING HER YOU SKXAWNG”

He choked on his words, courting? He gave his sister a flabbergasted expression.

“I’m leaving, I can't stand this conversation anymore. I need to go drop the earrings off”

Tsireya mocked him as he walked away heading towards your family's Mauri. As he’s walking, he looks down to the earrings in his hands. Thoughts run through his mind, Will she like them? Will she throw it away? Will she wear it? Distracted by his thoughts he didn’t realise that he had reached the Mauri. He started fidgeting with his creation worried that you may be there. Just before he took another step, Neteyam had stepped out of the Mauri. He turned his head, catching Ao’nung in his line of vision. His once relaxed face turned stiff. Ao’nung grew nervous seeing your brother walk slowly towards him.

“What are you doing here Ao’nung”

His voice is firm and demanding.

“I was uh, was wondering if I could give this to y/n?”

He held out his hand to reveal the delicate handcraft. Neteyam looked puzzled, not understanding why. He could see some flaws in his craft as he tried to shape it into a feather look and the weaving looked a little messy. He gently took the earrings from Ao’nungs hand making sure to handle it carefully. Ao’nung shoulders dropped in relief that Neteyam accepted his request.

“I cannot assure you that she will forgive you with this”

Ao’nungs expression grew grim.

“I know, but I will keep trying”

Neteyam looked at him with a pleased face. He was glad that someone was willing to try for you. Many men in their past clan didn’t make many advances towards you due to your deafness. Seeing that there was someone here making an effort provided him some peace. He bids Ao’nung off, entering the Mauri he trudged to your hunched over figure. He taps his foot beside you, catching your attention. “A certain boy came by '' Your ears pointed down, turning away from him, focusing back on your basket weaving. He sighed, he went and sat in front of you. “You know you cannot avoid him forever. I know he said some upsetting things but all of us have now become a bit acquainted for the most part” You stop your moving hands, lifting your head to meet his stare. “Yes you guys have but not me. I am not ready to face him yet.” Neteyam pursed his lips, he took one of your hands and placed the earrings gently in your palm. “He came by to give you these, you can tell he made them” You bring your hands closer to your body, studying the accessory. The beautiful colours resembled your actual feathered earrings except these were shiny and reflective. You noticed the small cravings on the side trying to resemble the feather details. Your lips curled into a faint smile.

Neteyam noticed and smiled, he gave you a small ruffle on your head before heading out once more. As he left, you got up from your spot and walked over to your space. You had a small trinket box where you stashed away your things. Carefully placing the earrings into the box, you look at it once more before closing. You pondered why he had given you a set of earrings. Continuing your basket weaving, you stayed in thought about the different possibilities on why until the sky grew dark.

_

As a few more days passed, everyday Neteyam or Lo’ak would give you something made by Ao’nung much to Lo’aks dismay. Each item was beautifully made even though there are some small mistakes you can spot out. The other day, Neteyam had brought in a delicate top covered in intricate designs. Tsireya definitely helped him with that. Your mother had told you that there was a big celebration tonight and wanted you to join. She knew you weren’t big on these types of things but thought it would be nice for you to join in one every once in a while.

The celebration was nearing, you thought long and hard about what you should wear. You look towards the collection of accessories that Ao’nung gifted you. You missed Ao’nung, but you were scared to approach him. You took this chance to wear everything he made for you as a sign of forgiveness. Putting on the bracelets, the earrings, neck pieces, and the beautiful top. Lo’ak had walked in to grab something but saw you wearing Ao’nungs “ugly” creations. He gave you a furrowed look with his eyes peering at you. “You’re really gonna wear his things?” He saw you give him a brief nod. He could only sigh, “If he tries anything tonight don’t hesitate to grab me okay?” Smiling, you gave him another nod for reassurance.

Heading to the main gathering area, you feel deep vibrations under your feet as you come closer to the celebration. You see bright lights from the fires illuminating the entire ground accompanied by the shining moon. You move your head to see your father talking to somebody, they turned their head a bit and you realised that it was Norm. You missed him dearly, you carefully snuck up behind him before jumping on his back. You felt his body jolt, he turned to see your extremely happy face. He gave you a tight embrace before pulling away. Your face changed from happy to confused. “How come you are here uncle?” Seeing those words he gave you a toothy smile. “I finally figured out the hearing aid situation” Eyes widening with tears slowly forming on your bottom lashes. “This isn’t a joke is it?” He gave you another smile while shaking his head. You jumped into his arms once more as tears were finally released from your eyes.

“Do you want to test them right now, see if you can hear the music?” You nod vigorously as you wipe your tears away. Norm carefully picked up the wooden box and opened them to reveal the small hearing aids. He gently placed them into your ears adjusting the sizing to fit. Putting on the lowest level of volume, he turns them on. You weren’t sure how to react, emotions were everywhere. Ears twitching to the small sounds around you, the people chatting, the crackling of the fire, the booming music. Tears welled in your eyes once more, you turned to Norm, ramming into him giving him another hug as your cry in his chest.

“How do you feel kiddo?”

Your eyes widened at his voice, “I can hear you, I can actually hear you” He chuckled lightly as tears threatened his vision as well. You quickly turn to your father, you run to him and grab his arms. “Sempu try talking”

“Nga yawne lu oer Ma’ite”

His voice sounded more fatherly than you thought it was. Deep voice with raspy undertones. You lean into his body, overwhelmed with joy. You grab the rest of your siblings and your mother to hear all their voices. As a family you shared your tears of happiness, you finally felt normal.

Ao’nung and Tsireya arrived late due to Ao’nung worrying too much about his appearance and Tsireya constantly reassured him that he looked fine. As they joined the clan they head towards their parents first notifying their presence. He noticed his mother with a smile on her face while looking in a certain direction. He followed her gaze stopping on you, you were dancing with your younger sister Tuk. His eyes open like saucers seeing you decorated with all his creations. Purple hues appear on his cheeks and ears as he continues watching you dance with such positive energy radiating from you. Tsireya smirked, elbowing his ribs.

“Go. Ask her to dance with you”

He swallows his saliva in nervousness. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.

“Do you think she’ll say yes?”

Tsireya laughs lightly.

“I’m sure she will, plus she’s wearing all your things”

Ao’nung begins walking towards your dancing frame. His cheeks still warm as he watches you dance with such grace and freedom. As he got closer, you noticed him coming to you. You stopped dancing and signed to Tuk to go to Kiri. Once he was standing right in front of you he couldn’t muster a single word. You watched as he stood silent, you were hoping he would say something but nothing came out. A small pang of disappointment filled your chest. You turn to walk away until his hand grabs your arm. You move your head slightly just to see him out of the corner of your eye. “Would you like to dance with me?” Eyes widening from the question. You give him a shy nod trying to avoid his gaze. He guided you near the centre, softly grabbing your other hand. You felt weird being in the middle of everything, you kind of wish you were back dancing on the sidelines.

Ao’nung sensed your slight discomfort, so he decided to dance first. He did a couple moves here and there, a few being a little silly to make you more comfortable. You finally are confident enough to start dancing as well. You moved swiftly and rhythmically to the beat. Ao’nungs movement falters, watching you fall into the music once more. He was slightly confused not knowing how you knew the rhythm so easily. But he forgot about it immediately as you grabbed his hand pulling him closer to you.

From afar both pairs of parents watch as their children enjoy their night. Neytiri settled beside Ronal while watching her son and her own daughter dance together. “They seem good,” Ronal smiled, agreeing with Neytiri.

“Your daughter is a very bright girl despite the difficulties she faces”

Neytiri watched you with a gentle expression.

“She is isn’t she”

An idea surfaced in Ronals mind, she was sure it would stun Neytiri.

“How would you feel about me teaching her the ways of a healer? I know my daughter is the next Tsahik but I think it would be good if y/n learned about healing”

She whips her head to face Ronal with shock. Neytiri knew you weren’t much of a hunter or warrior so healing made sense.

“You would do that for her?”

Ronal nods.

“Anything for a future daughter”

Ronal hid her laughter seeing Neytiris reaction. Both mothers had become close over the couple weeks. The celebration had slowed down, everyone settling into chatting amongst themselves while their children ran around. Few decide to eat niktsyey as well and enjoy their drinks. You and Ao’nung decided to settle down as well, sitting with the rest of the chaotic group. Ao’nung sat close to you but without Lo’ak giving him the dirty eye. He shifted a tiny bit closer to you just to get on Lo’aks nerves. As for you, you were fidgeting with your fingers while watching the children play with each other. A small group of children you recognised as some of your students. They pulled your arms wanting you to play with them. You sign to Ao’nung quickly saying you’d be back before getting dragged away by the kids.

He watches you as you run around with the children chasing you and one on your back. Ao’nung felt as if he was on cloud nine just observing you getting along with the kids so well. He knew you would make a great mother someday. Rotxo nudged him teasingly.

“You definitely like her, can’t deny it now”

He swats Rotxos hand away, giving him a small hum. Not once has he taken his eyes off you, you looked amazing in his crafts and he felt proud. Lo’ak had thrown a pebble at his head but he didn’t even notice, too entranced with his sister. You finally wave to the children off before sitting beside Ao’nung once more. The rest of the night was filled with talking and laughter especially because of Lo’aks and Ao’nungs bickering with each other. You haven’t told Ao’nung about your new hearing aids, wanting to wait to be alone to finally have an actual conversation with each other. But throughout the night you kept increasing the volume as you get used to the sounds. You heard what Ao’nung sounded like but not clearly due to the other chatter around you.

As everyone slowly starts to head back to their Mauris, you took Ao’nungs hand and guide him to the shoreline. He was a little confused but followed you anyway. As you reach the shore, gently bring him down to sit with you. You make your body face him, you look into his ocean eyes that are shining in the moonlight. “I forgive you” You watch as his eyes widen and a smile settles on his lips. “You do?” Giving him a gummy smile you nod briefly. His expression dropped just a little, “I’m sorry for saying those cruel things, and for not saying anything. I don’t think you’re a freak, you are unique and beautiful. I’m sorry for making fun of your siblings as well, the silent treatment was well deserved for me.” Grabbing his hand, you give him a look of compassion. “All is forgiven and forgotten okay? It is alright now” Giving him a wide grin you quickly sign, “Can you say my name with your actual voice?” Ao’nung gave you a puzzled expression but went along.

“Y/n?”

Your smile widened, eyes turning in crescent moon shapes. “You have a lovely voice” He blinked a few times not understanding how you heard him. Seeing him confused you exhale in amusement. You slowly remove the headpiece that was covering the hearing aids. You turn your head to the side to show him the small device. Ao’nung tilted his head still confused on what the device has to do with your hearing, especially when he doesn’t understand tawtute machinery. You chuckle at his expression, “My uncle made this device to help me hear, it took many long years to perfect for me. But I can finally hear everything… even you.” Ao’nung felt his cheeks and ears warm up from your comment from earlier about liking his voice. His tail wagging unintentionally behind him.

“No wonder you were dancing beautifully to the music”

This time your cheeks were set aflame hearing his gentle voice and compliment. You buried your face in the palms of your hands feeling embarrassed. As you try to avoid his gaze, he feels happy knowing he had an effect on you. He gently caresses your hands, bringing them down to his lap. Ao’nung gazes into your golden eyes that seem to light up in the dark. Studying your face, the glowing specks, your unique striping and your soft lips. Mustering up his courage, he slowly leans in, inching closer and closer to your face. Your eyes flutter closed anticipating the possible kiss. Feeling his hand on the side of your cheek, the soft touch of his lips finally connect with yours. The kiss was gentle yet passionate under the moonlight. The nervous feeling in your system vanished as the kiss lasted longer. Pulling away to catch your breaths, you look into each other’s eyes before breaking out into quiet laughter. Purple hues still visible on your cheeks.

Sitting together in silence, bodies facing the ocean with your tails entangled. Listening to the waves crashing against each other, and the animals chittering through the night. Head resting against his shoulder and his head resting on top of yours. You felt at peace slowly dozing off to the sounds of Ao’nungs breathing. Ao’nung peaked at your face, a small smile forming on his lips thinking, how did I get so lucky?

_

Years passed, you became an experienced healer assisting Tsireya with her continued Tsahik studies. As well as continuing teaching the small children sign. Ao’nung became a strong warrior, earning multiple markings. Not only that, you became mates. Ever since that night, both of you were inseparable. Ronal adored you, more than Ao’nung or so he said. Your brothers also become strong warriors within the clan. Lo’ak followed the Metkayinas ways as Neteyam continued the Omatikaya ways. Kiri and Tuk both joined the gathering groups although Tuk was training to be a warrior. Ao’nung was also able to finally give you those Ilu lessons which went wonderfully apart from distracting each other. As Fänau, he finally got together with Zoprrì. Both of you were still close friends, much to Ao’nungs disagreement. Everything was finally in place.

[akookminsupporter]

ARE YOU SURE?!: FITH EPISODE

MY IMPRESSIONS

Preface: This is not an analysis post, and honestly, I don’t want to overanalyse their interactions or everything they said and did—many others are already doing that. My intention with this post is simply to share my thoughts on the episodes, my impressions, and perhaps my conclusions.

I’m writing this as I watch the episodes for the second time.

Jimin should definitely wear more shirts like that because they look incredibly good on him. Honestly, everything he wears looks great, but his outfits in this last episode in Jeju were perfect.

When the maknae line is together, it's easy to see who the oldest is between them hahaha.

One of the main reasons I'd like to go to Korea is for the food, but I've realised they love pork, and I’m not a fan of pork hahaha.

Jungkook really loves eating and cooking. He and I would get along so well.

Jimin and Jungkook really get each other. Like, they understand each other's silly side.

Oh god, Jimin looked incredible. His hair and that shirt, oh god!

All the photos that will be in the photobook coming out are the ones they took with those disposable cameras, right? At least most of them.

Jimin really likes Soju hahaha.

Tae spent almost the whole episode on his phone; I wonder if that was the day his friends arrived in Jeju? He seemed distracted and a bit out of the conversation in general. Or at least that's how it seemed by the way the episode was edited.

Jimin and Jungkook are the kind of... couple who, at a gathering with friends, are in their own little world. When Jungkook started explaining how he finally learned to properly grill pork, his attention was on Jimin, even though Tae was right beside him and was the one who initially congratulated him for it. Jimin, though teasing him, was also encouraging him to keep talking about it, and he was looking at him so fondly, really paying attention to what Jungkook was saying. That reminded me of VB4 when they were walking together, talking about Jungkook’s shoes or something. Something similar happened in VB2, I think.

I love hearing Jungkook speak in satori.

Jimin looks hot drinking beer.

Them caring for the staff will never stop being adorable.

Okay, my tinhat moment of this episode. We all remember Jungkook’s stance on the perilla leaf issue, right? When Jimin said they should give the staff a bite, and he grabbed a perilla leaf, explaining that it already had ssamjang why his expression seemed like he was telling Jungkook, like, “Look, this one’s almost ready, that’s why I’m using it.” I mean, why explain to Jungkook why he chose that perilla leaf? And Jungkook's response... Look, I know being delulu isn’t the solulu, but they don’t help sometimes.

Jimin and Jungkook having this whole conversation while Tae is just there listening is hilarious to watch. That’s why I always say they operate on different frequencies, and that’s what made these episodes so interesting to watch.

Jimin is so funny without even trying.

Wait, did Tae disappear? Where did he go? Oh, AYS editors...

OH, Tae’s back. Where did he go, and when did he come back? Oh, BigHit editors...

It definitely makes sense why Jimin and Jungkook almost always seem to choose to sit across from each other instead of side by side. That way, they can clearly see the silly things the other does to make them laugh and they can talk directly to each other.

Tae asking Jimin if he taught Jungkook the trick—I guess you could call it that—with Soju is kind of interesting. We know Jimin loves Soju, so in part, it makes sense, but I suppose Jimin and Jungkook are known within the group for drinking a lot together, and I imagine they drink a lot of Soju hahaha.

Jimin’s face denying Tae’s question was hilarious and totally contradicted his response hahaha.

They really click.

I don’t know if Jimin says he’s not handsome because he knows he is and is fishing for compliments or if he really believes he’s not, which is a huge lie. Like, someone give that man a mirror!

Jin will always be the WWH of the group hahaha.

It’s curious that even though Jimin and Jungkook aren’t alone, they usually direct themselves or look at each other when they’re talking. It’s like they subconsciously know the other will pay attention no matter what. And I really think they do this unconsciously because there’ve been moments when they say something and another member responds, and they’re surprised as if they just remembered they’re not alone.

Jimin and Jungkook casually talking about enlisting together is so frustratingly so them. It’s even more frustrating that the editors seem to cut certain parts of the conversation and the reactions of the other members. I’d love to know when the other members found out that Jimin and Jungkook were enlisting together. It’s interesting how at the beginning of that conversation, all three of them were involved, but then it was just Jimin and Jungkook talking about it. Even though Tae was there, he was focused on his phone.

I love how Jimin and Jungkook said that, even though it’s common for best friends to end up fighting when they enlist together, that won’t happen to them. They sounded so sure of it, and that says a lot about the level of trust and compatibility between them.

I think they’ve had that conversation more than once. And it makes sense, obviously. Hopefully, they had it in Japan too.

Jimin was traumatised by the hit to his nose that Jungkook gave him while they were sleeping hahaha.

Jimin, I agree, you guys should do another show. You can name it whatever you want; it doesn’t matter hahaha.

Jimin with cats is the cutest thing ever.

Jungkook with dogs is the most energetic thing ever hahaha. Poor cameraman hahaha.

Oh right, they’re singers! Hahahaha

God, these men are handsome.

Jimin, the ladder was right next to you...

I LOVE Jimin’s tattoos, LOVE them.

I’m still impressed by how long they can stay underwater without breathing.

And Jungkook underwater took my breath away.

Okay, the way Jungkook grabbed Jimin’s hair and pulled him to the surface was hot. Not just what he did, but the way it looked. His tattooed arm came out of nowhere, grabbed him, and lifted him to the surface. Christian Grey would be proud of our imagination because we ALL thought the same thing hahaha.

Jungkook is forever teasing Jimin. And Jimin loves that he does it.

Jimin, could you share with the class what 5412 means? Thanks. Jungkook’s wink! They’re too cute.

Jimin and Jungkook are always the last to go to bed.

And its moments like these -them hitting each other with their towels- that remind me they’re men hahaha.

Jungkook waiting by the door for Jimin and immediately saying he should take the bed is so sweet. Jimin immediately refuting that no, he should take the bed is so them. Then Jungkook saying he doesn’t like soft beds, and Jimin comparing the beds to check what Jungkook said is so...

And Tae?

Jimin immediately telling Jungkook he’s hungry after waking up is a MOOD hahaha.

Jimin is so hilariously dramatic.

Morning cuddles!

Bro, after hearing the “alarm” Jimin set for Jungkook, that scene is even funnier. Why are they like this? And you know what’s even funnier? I can totally see Jungkook actually using that alarm.

Did Tae go to exercise? I don’t know, Rick, it seems fake hahaha.

I LOVE Jimin’s tattoos. Especially the ones on his back.

Jungkook is just as dramatic as Jimin hahaha.

Jungkook, babe, you’re not a plant?

Someone give Jimin a YouTube career, please!

Jimin is so gorgeous, oh my god!

I guess Jimin and Jungkook are a bit predictable to the other members hahaha.

Jimin and Jungkook know everything the other is doing even if they’re... asleep hahaha.

Someone tell Jimin he should wear glasses more often and always have that haircut!

Again, it makes sense why Jimin and Jungkook seem to prefer sitting across from each other rather than next to each other. And also, it’s funny how they talk like they’re alone.

Jungkook genuinely loves eating hahaha.

Jungkook sounding so sure it wasn’t ham when Tae said it was, but immediately doubting himself when Jimin said it was, is so funny.

Okay, this part has been discussed quite a bit from what I’ve seen but from a different perspective. Jungkook doesn’t act like a donsaeng with Jimin, and Jimin doesn’t mind. Tae was the one who initially said it was ham they were eating, but Jungkook only reacted to Jimin when they confirmed it wasn’t ham as he said. He didn’t do the same gesture with Tae, only with Jimin. And that’s already common between them. And it says A LOT.

Jimin immediately asking for more food because Jungkook said he wanted more is so sweet. He didn’t question Jungkook about it; he just said, “Do you want more food? Bring more food!” Besides reassuring Jungkook that as long as he was happy eating, everything was fine. Ahh, why have I never had a Jimin in my life?

The way Jimin watched Jungkook eat so fondly...

Jungkook is definitely Gen Z.

The little conversations Jimin and Jungkook have sometimes are so cute. They can talk about anything together, but they almost always tell each other even the smallest things, no matter how simple or impressive, knowing the other will give their full attention no matter what.

MY CONCLUSION ON THE FIFTH EPISODE

Ahh, I enjoyed this episode too. I think it was a bit more balanced, but Jimin and Jungkook really do live in their own world.

It’s obvious how the group’s dynamic changed once Jimin started feeling better. Once that happened, we saw more of what we had seen in the U.S.—the dynamic between Jimin and Jungkook. At times, it was like they were alone, and although I know how that sounds, it’s something typical with them. I remember in my post about the third episode, I mentioned that Jimin and Jungkook sometimes seem to adjust their relationship dynamic when another member is present, but after watching episodes 4 and 5, I think that initial adjustment was because Jimin wasn’t feeling his best. Once he was, they went back to their usual selves.

Tae seemed a bit more absent in this episode, even when he was there. We often saw him engrossed in his phone, and I suppose his friends were in Jeju that day too, so he was a bit distracted by that.

This episode felt like the slowest-paced one in the show so far, though that’s not necessarily a bad thing. One thing I love about AYS is how real it feels. In general, what we’ve seen is what you’d expect or do on a typical holiday with friends. Some days are more exciting than others, but each day has its charm, and each day leaves something to remember for tomorrow. It’s nice that they were able to rest and be lazy at that point in their lives—they deserved it.

Once again, it was clear how similar Jimin and Jungkook are and how well they understand each other. Tae was right; they are twins, though not in the genetic sense—jikookphobics, don’t get too excited.

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s a bit frustrating how casually Jimin and Jungkook talked about enlisting in the army together, though it was nice that they mentioned being happy to have each other for support.

The episode itself was sweet. It was a calm way to end this part of the series.

I can’t wait for Japan! I thought we’d get the trailer of Sapporo today, but we didn’t—it makes me wonder why. What happened in Japan that they seem to be guarding it so carefully?

If you’ve made it this far, I’m sorry and thank you—I just couldn’t stop writing ajajajajaja.

[soloroomies]

lifemate (Chapter 5/ Sakusa x f!reader)

summary: the day you're tying the knot with your very dear friend, Kiyoomi word count. 2.1k cw. marriage pact au a/n. another update! I'm happy that I can update this story quickly. Writing this is really fun for me hehe <3

Masterlist

Not long after you and Sakusa discussed your plans, you both decided to share the exciting news of your upcoming marriage with your families and closest friends. The reactions were nothing short of dramatic. You think it’s a mix of shock at how quickly you both decided to tie the knot and genuine happiness for you. Some of them called you immediately, the most popular question being, “How did this happen so fast?!” So, you shared the love story you and Sakusa have crafted together. Some responded with a knowing “I knew it!” claiming they had a gut feeling you’d end up together. You just laughed at their responses, finding it amusing because there was no way they could have predicted this—both of you were truly just friends before. Your psychology textbook was right about hindsight bias.

Since the wedding is simple and you both hired a wedding organizer to handle most of the planning, there isn’t much left for you to do except look for your wedding dress. You also chose your bridesmaids. At first, you want four people as your bridesmaid, including Tami. Unfortunately, Tami is incredibly busy this month with business trips. Even Tami, who knows all your plans, was surprised. She didn’t expect your wedding to be held in the second month of the year. You explained it’s because you both want to do this before the volleyball season starts. Luckily, she doesn’t have any plans on your wedding day and assured you she would attend. Therefore, the people you chose as your bridesmaids are two of your cousins, Yuuki and Nana, and one of your childhood friends from home, Aya. They’re all thrilled to be part of your special day.

Today is the day you choose your wedding dress, just two weeks away from your wedding day. You actually have a lot of fun looking up wedding dress inspiration. Weddings used to make you kind of emotional when you were a teenager and a hopeless romantic. But then, as an adult with a hectic life, you weren’t really expecting a wedding for yourself. Yet here you are now, somehow able to have one. So, you’ll enjoy this process as a gift to your teenage self.

It’s Saturday, and you’re glad that everyone is available. All of you have a group chat discussing the stores you’ll visit. So, you go through those stores, seeing the dresses they display online, trying some of them on, and deciding which one is the best. After a few stores and trying on more than ten dresses, one dress stands out. It’s a classic and elegant gown with a fitted bodice and a full ball gown skirt. It features a sweetheart neckline and off-the-shoulder sleeves. The skirt is made of layers of tulle and organza, giving it volume and a fairytale-like look. The back of the dress is adorned with covered buttons and a long flowing train, adding dramatic flair.

Your three companions seem to have the same thought as you. Nana even starts to shed tears, making the other two emotional as well. You turn to look at them and can’t help but feel a bit emotional yourself. “Guys, please don’t cry! You’ll make me cry,” you say. You stare at your reflection in the mirror and feel a sense of enchantment and awe. This is the dress, you think.

In the days leading up to your wedding, you frequently communicate with Kiyoomi, juggling to find time between your work and his practice. You handle some legal matters and move many of your belongings from your apartment to his, leaving only the essentials for the remaining days. This often brings you to his apartment, where you arrange your things with him, assisted by people from the furniture moving and rearrangement services you hired. Some furniture is no longer needed, so you sell those pieces.

Two days before the wedding, you arrive home after work and are suddenly overwhelmed by an indescribable feeling. You've already finished some of your project-based side jobs, giving you more spare time than usual. Your apartment, now mostly empty, feels strange, as most of your belongings have already been moved to Kiyoomi’s place.

Your phone vibrates, and you see new texts from Kiyoomi. He sends a picture of a painting you made on a medium-sized canvas that used to hang in your living room. Initially, you wanted to leave it behind, thinking you had already brought too much. But when Kiyoomi visited your apartment, he asked about the painting and suggested it would look great in "our" living room, meaning his apartment where you will soon move in. The picture he sent shows the painting now hanging in the living room. His next text asks, ‘Is this too far to the right?’ You examine the photo and find the painting perfectly centered, so you respond, ‘no! it’s perfect.’

You then realize that you feel a swirl of excitement and nervousness, as the reality of starting a new chapter in your life and leaving behind the familiar truly sinks in.

For this wedding, there were no pre-wedding events like engagement parties or bridal showers. As agreed upon, the entire event was to be simple. There was no honeymoon planned either. When some of your cousins inquired, you explained that you both wanted to wait for a better season and were eager to enjoy your newlywed life in your own home.

The sound of your alarm wakes you up, and you look around the unfamiliar bed, momentarily confused. Then it hits you—you’re not in your apartment but in the hotel of your wedding venue. The bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents, and some family members are also staying here. And, of course, Kiyoomi, too. Shaking off the sleepiness, you decide to take a shower and call room service for breakfast. 

Checking your phone, you see a few messages from family and friends who have arrived in town, expressing their excitement to see you later. You smile, responding to each message with heartfelt gratitude. 

Suddenly, there’s a knock on your hotel room door. Expecting it to be your bridesmaids or parents, you open it and are surprised to see Kiyoomi’s mother standing there. She looks at you and smiles warmly. Bowing slightly, you welcome her into your room, mentioning that you’ve just finished breakfast and inviting her to sit beside you. 

Unexpectedly, she wraps you in a warm and comforting hug. Taken aback for a moment, you quickly return the hug. Then she looks at you, caresses your hair, and holds your hand. Her gaze is soft and carries warmth.

“I want to tell you how grateful I am to have you joining our family,” she says, her voice filled with genuine emotion. You look at her, your mind blank, unable to find the words to respond. She continues, “You remember you used to come to our house, right?” 

You nod, the memories flooding back. You recall the nostalgia of your high school days, when you often visited Kiyoomi’s house with Komori. Kiyoomi’s mom was always more outgoing than Kiyoomi and his father, often inviting you over for dinner. You usually brought your homework along, finishing it with Kiyoomi at their kitchen table.

“I’ve admired you since then,” she says. “I know we haven’t seen each other much since you both graduated high school, but I’ve always known you will leave a lasting impact on Omi's life. I often asked him about you, you know?” She laughs, a light, joyful sound.

You smile at her words, touched by her sincerity. “I’m happy that you’ve always stayed in touch with each other. And I was overjoyed when I heard the news. I’m just... I’m glad it’s you. You complement each other so beautifully, and I couldn't be happier to see my son marry such an incredible person.”

She pauses, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Know that you have my unwavering support, love, and respect. I look forward to many happy moments together as a family.”

Tears well up in your eyes at her genuine words. “Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me,” you manage to say, your voice thick with emotion.

You hug her, feeling the warmth and acceptance in her embrace. She holds you tightly, then pulls back slightly to look at you. “Please call me Mom, okay?”

You nod, a tearful smile on your face.

After she leaves your room, you're left with your thoughts. You feel a wave of gratitude for Kiyoomi’s supportive mother, but a tinge of guilt also lingers. You and Kiyoomi had to fabricate your love story, making it seems like you are deeply in love. It feels wrong that she believes you and Kiyoomi are head over heels for each other. However, you genuinely care, adore and respect him as a friend. You promise yourself that you’ll hold onto these feelings throughout your marriage.

As the afternoon sun casts a warm glow over the bustling city, you stand by the window, taking in the view of the skyline. Nana, Yuuki, and Aya bustle around your hotel room, helping with the final touches on your wedding gown. You opted to do your makeup yourself, choosing a natural and fresh look, and now, as you gaze into the mirror, you feel satisfied with the result. Aya hands you your bouquet of white roses and eucalyptus. Your wedding photographer snaps a few photos of you and your bridesmaids before it's time to head downstairs.

You hear the sound of laughter and chatter from the poolside area of the hotel, where everyone’s waiting. Stepping outside, you take in the beautiful wedding venue. At one end of the pool, a stunning gazebo draped in sheer white fabric and entwined with ivy and blooming flowers serves as the altar. The aisle leading to the gazebo is lined with lanterns and rose petals.

You stand at the edge of the aisle and take a deep breath. The late afternoon sun casts a golden glow over the pool, and you see the familiar faces of your family and friends turned toward you. Your father takes your arm, gives it a reassuring squeeze, and smiles at you.

As you approach the altar, your eyes lock with Kiyoomi’s. He looks unbelievably handsome in his tuxedo, the black fabric fitting perfectly on his broad shoulders and slender frame. You've never felt quite like this seeing him before. His black wavy hair is neatly styled, but a few rebellious curls frame his face, adding to his effortlessly charming look.

His eyes scan you and he gives a genuine smile he rarely shows to anyone. When you finally reach him, he gently takes your hand. Then, the officiant begins the ceremony.

After a few words, the officiant says “Please face each other and join hands,”. “Do you, Sakusa Kiyoomi, take ___ to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in joy and sorrow, for as long as you both shall live?”

You look up at Kiyoomi, feeling a flutter of nerves under his intense gaze. “I do,” he says firmly, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Do you, ___ , take Sakusa Kiyoomi to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in joy and sorrow, for as long as you both shall live?”

You take a deep breath, remembering your meeting with Kiyoomi’s mother and the thoughts that followed. “I do,” you reply, smiling at Kiyoomi.

As the officiant pronounces you both husband and wife, your hands tremble slightly. You think Kiyoomi notices because he squeezes your hand, his touch warm and reassuring, melting away your nerves. “You may kiss the bride,” the officiant announces. Kiyoomi cups your face, his touch sending a shiver of electricity through you. As you look up, you see his gaze soften and his lips curve into a tender smile.

When he leans in, you realize this will be your very first kiss with him, and it will happen as husband and wife! You try to calm yourself and place your hands on his chest. Closing your eyes, you focus on the sensation of his lips meeting yours. The kiss is soft and tender.

As you part, his forehead rests gently against yours, and your breaths mingle. You open your eyes to find him looking at you with adoration you’ve never seen before, taking your breath away all over again and stirring emotions you can't quite describe. You notice his hand still lingering on your face before the crowd around you erupts into applause and cheers. He smiles at you, making you smile at him too.

[swarvey]

paper rings | harvey x f!reader

summary -> harvey forgets something a bit important; you make a surprise appearance. warnings -> self-deprecating thoughts, panic attacks, drinking wc -> 3284

a/n: alternate chapter title: all too well. (just between us, did the love affair maim you too?)

ugh another chapter with a hard title to pick! i was completely torn between betty and all too well, but betty ultimately ended up fitting the story pretty well.

hope you enjoy!! <3 there is more to come, so let me know if you want to be tagged in the following parts!!

ch. 9 | ch. 10 | ch. 11

paper rings masterlist

chapter ten: betty -> "so i showed up at your party."

Harvey quite liked the snow. It wasn’t as gloomy as the Spring rain, nor was it as draining as the Summer sun — it simply fell peacefully from the sky, covering the earth in a chilly blanket. Pelican Town looked beautiful during the Winter, and although it was the busiest season for the clinic, Harvey would say it was his favorite time of the year.

Usually it was, anyway. It was a bit hard to enjoy the first snowfall when he was locked up in his room, dried tears sitting on his skin as he flipped through the photobook you gave him as a gift after he graduated high school.

He was sure he looked pathetic; he hadn’t left his apartment for three days, barely eating and not bothering to change out of his pajamas. What was the point? Nothing was really making sense anymore. His life had been stable for so long, but now, he felt like everything had changed. There was no one to blame except for him, of course. 

So, instead of dealing with the present, Harvey chose to dwell on the past, sniffling as he looked at your picture smiling up at him. His head throbbed, surely due to dehydration, but he ignored it, continuing to wallow in the memories where he was still just your best friend from Pelican Town. He stopped at one particular photo that carried a bit more meaning to him, though he was sure you would write it off as just another day.

The two of you were standing in front of Harvey’s first car — it was used and beat to hell, but it was his nonetheless, and, not to mention, a gift from his parents. He was seventeen at the time, and had already been borrowing the family car for ages. To make the occasion even more special, you’d been visiting him when they surprised him with it, clasping your hands together as he walked up to it in awe.

“Quick, you two, let’s take a picture!” his mom had said, holding up her old polaroid. “Oh, Harvey, stop being shy, get closer. There you go, ready?”

It was a nice photo, he couldn’t deny that. What Harvey remembered the most from that day, though, was what happened after. 

Your phone rang, your new boyfriend’s name taking up your phone screen. Harvey always had to bite his tongue whenever you mentioned him — he was his complete opposite, after all. He’d always subtly question you about him, asking how he treated you and if you were happy, but was never convinced he was really right for you.

That is, until he saw how your face lit up; how your laugh rang loudly in his ears, only when you were talking to him; how you were undoubtedly happier than you’d ever been, all because of him.

Harvey never made you laugh like that, did he? Would your eyes ever shine like that because of him?

That day, a new insecurity was lit inside him — was he even enough for you? Was it selfish to want you all to himself, when you found so much joy in others? What if he made a mistake that made you regret being with him?

Harvey let the photo album slip from his fingers, landing on the floor beneath him as his head fell into his hand. He hated being such a coward, but at that point, he figured it must be in his blood. He couldn’t remember a time where he wasn’t so weak, so dependent. It made him an easy target throughout grade school and middle school, only lessening up in high school when he started to keep to himself more. Although it was a bit of a cold thought, he remembered being grateful you didn’t live near him at the time. It meant you never got to see his true self; a loser who ate lunch by himself every day and was in love with his best friend, but didn’t have the courage to do anything about it.

I suppose some things never change.

As he solemnly lifted his head, Harvey’s glassy eyes focused on the snowflakes falling outside his window. The only image stuck in his mind was of your devastated face as he left you on your porch, shocked that he had managed to do the one act he’d sworn to avoid with his life — he hurt you, and he was sure it was by far the most shameful thing he had ever done. 

By some twisted reasoning, though, he was convinced it was for the better. 

Harvey was weak where you were strong; he lacked confidence where you took charge; he hid and lied while you spilled your truth to him, and all he could do was panic. You were the blazing Summer sun, bringing life and hope to the land, while he was the bitter Winter snow, killing anything in its path. He wasn’t meant to be with someone like you. He was beyond disappointed in himself for not realizing it sooner. You were the one shining flame of light he’d known his entire life, and he put you out. 

The falling snow looked as if it were dancing, and Harvey had never missed you more. 

As he bent down to pick up the photo album, his eyes caught the calendar beside the window. His eyes widened slightly, humorlessly laughing to himself as he put the photos away.

It was his birthday, and he hadn’t even realized.

-

You knew what day it was. Of course you did, it was the only date you had yearly reminders set up for, not that you really needed them. Since Harvey’s birthday was during the Winter, it meant you almost never got to celebrate with him in person, except for the rare occasions where you would go and see him. You could still vividly picture the first time you surprised him in college during break — you kept in touch with his parents so you could plan out your trip with them, much to their delight.

“Don’t tell him I said this, but Harvey’s always had a bit of trouble making friends at school,” his mom once told you, a soft sadness in her eyes. “He’s very lucky to have you as a friend, you know. You’re good to him.”

Not good enough, apparently, you sourly thought. “Angry” was an understatement to how you felt — you were frustrated and exhausted, not just because he’d shut down your feelings, but because it felt like Harvey essentially threw away all the years you spent being his best friend. None of it made sense to you, how he said he cared about you and then had the nerve to walk away. Honestly, it felt like you were dealing with a moody teenager who blasted angsty music in his room all the time. You scowled.

“Moo.”

One of your cows looked at you expectedly, and you realized you were still holding the bundle of hay in your arms. 

“Sorry,” you apologized, quickly throwing it in the trough. She seemed to huff a thanks to you as she slowly bent her head down, blissfully careless about any complex relationship problems. You envied her.

As you left the barn, you couldn’t help but let your guilt consume you. You had never missed a birthday text to Harvey before, and although you weren’t quite sure what terms the two of you were on, it still felt wrong. You knew him well enough to know there was probably some stupid reason for his actions that he was hiding from you, but you couldn’t figure out what it was. You hated it when he pulled stupid moves like this — in the past, he would always keep his mouth shut whenever you tried to plan something with him, never failing to say, “We can always do what I planned next time. I don’t mind, really.”

You scoffed at the words he’d said to you countless times over the years, angrily letting your front door shut as you threw your gloves on your table. It sometimes felt as though he thought being a couple years older than you meant he knew everything, that his needs should always be put last when it came to you. Sure, it was cute the first couple times, but it didn’t take long for you to start feeling bad. You couldn’t remember the last time he got first pick for a movie or a restaurant — unless, of course, you “coincidentally” wanted to do the same thing. It was infuriating, really, and definitely not thoughtful or heartwarming at all. You hated it. You absolutely hated it. 

At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

Deep down, you knew it was one of the reasons you adored Harvey so much. No matter the situation, his care for others always prevailed above any of his other feelings, even when it meant he would get hurt. A fatal flaw, really. You reminded him of his habit whenever you got the chance, but he always brushed off your comments with a light laugh. 

“Now who’s worrying too much, hm?”  

You let out a sigh as you sat on the edge of your bed, eyes flitting over to the collared shirt hanging in your closet. You quickly realized the grave mistake you’d made after leaving Harvey’s apartment that day, as you swore your entire house smelled like him now. It probably didn’t help that you hadn’t done many renovations yet, so the space was pretty confined. The lasting power of his cologne was impressive, to say very the least, but not impressive enough to make your mood any better. The smell made you miss the person you felt was your other half.

Truthfully, you doubted anything could lift your spirits. The last time you felt so lost was after you quit your job at Joja, but at least your grandfather’s note had saved you back then. You choked up at the thought of him, wishing more than anything that he was still alive to give you some wisdom. There wasn’t a day that passed where you didn’t think of his warm hugs and tender voice.

With him gone, who was left? 

You paused at the thought, looking back at Harvey’s shirt. You could practically see his little smile and sunkissed cheeks.

No. You couldn’t see him, you didn’t want to see him, not after what he’d done. You had enough self-respect to put your foot down when you knew you needed to. Who needs him? I was fine without him then, I can be fine without him now. 

That’s what you told yourself for a solid couple of seconds, maybe.

Then, you thought about all the times Harvey never got to eat at his favorite restaurant and missed the movie he’d been wanting to watch, just so he could see you smile.

You hadn’t even fully registered your thoughts as you grabbed the cursed shirt from your closet and took the dried bouquet off your wall, running down your porch before you could change your mind.

-

Harvey hadn’t cried so much since he was a kid. A sad reality he had to face on his birthday of all days, but it was true.

Actually, the last time he’d found himself bawling so hard his chest hurt was when he’d been saying goodbye to you the last summer before the two of you entered high school. The place you were attending was a bit further away, and mixed with the fact that Harvey would begin to take summer courses, you both knew your visits to Pelican Town would be limited. Even back then, he couldn’t bring himself to shed tears in front of you. As far as you knew, he left you with a smile and a wave, not the hiccuping sobs he dealt with back at home.

Now, a familiar, suffocating feeling consumed Harvey’s chest as he buried his tears in his arm, the nearly half-empty bottle of whiskey on the table most certainly not helping his case. It wasn’t like him to drink his feelings away, much less on his birthday, but he figured it was a special occasion. It wasn’t every day he lost the one person he’d sworn to never lose. 

God, it hurt to think he would never make you laugh again, make you happy. That’s all he ever wanted, ever since he was little. Even on the days where he got home from school sporting a fresh bruise on his face, his face would light up at the sight of a phone call from you, feigning a happy tone as he listened to you talk about your day. It helped him get through it, in a way, to hear about your life. The way your voice pitched higher every time you got excited was something he would always treasure.

He loved you, more than anything, and in the end, that was what made him push you away.

Harvey lifted his head, wiping his face as he stoically poured himself another glass. The liquor went down smoothly, leaving a satisfying burn on his tongue. Part of him wished Elliott or Shane was there to console him, but he’d been adamantly ignoring their texts and calls. He hoped they would find it in themselves to forgive him.

Two knocks on his door broke him out of his thoughts, making him jump in his seat.

“Harvey? You there?”

He froze. 

No, it couldn't be. Am I really that drunk?  

“Open up. Seriously, Harvey, come on.”

He was on his feet in an instant, his hand resting for a moment on the doorknob before pulling it open.

Snowflakes were scattered on top of your hair and eyelashes, making you seem to glitter in the light of his kitchen. He wished he could tell you how beautiful you looked. 

“Y/N,” Harvey breathed, and he felt a stray tear run down his face at the sight of you. “Y-You’re here.”

“How could I stay away, asshole?” you asked, voice filled with a mixture of anger and sadness. He let out a light grunt as you forcefully shoved something into his chest, pushing past him and into his apartment wordlessly. After closing the door, he turned to face you, noticing your crossed arms and how you were looking at the ground, certainly in an effort not to start crying. It was a tactic he’d seen you pick up over time.

“Y/N,” Harvey repeated, savoring the sound of your name leaving his lips. “I—”

“Save it.” 

He looked down to realize he was holding the shirt you borrowed from him, along with the bouquet you usually had beside your bed.

In other words, he was holding a bouquet. A dried one, sure, but a bundle of flowers nonetheless, and it was from you.

His heart seemed to lurch, and he gently laid both on top of his bed.

You didn’t even mention the items you handed him. Instead, your nose scrunched as you turned to his dining table, picking up the whiskey bottle. “Have you been drinking? Yoba, Harvs, you know you’re supposed to do something fun on your birthday, right?” He didn’t miss the slight shake in your voice as you put it down. “Seriously, have you been home all day?”

Harvey cleared his throat, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “Yes, um, I’ve been home for quite a bit, actually,” he admitted, feeling the haze of the alcohol fog his thoughts. “I . . . couldn’t bring myself to leave.”

You paused to think about his words, then shook your head. “You know you fucked up, right?” you questioned, a fiery look fueling your eyes — though Harvey could also see the hurt lying underneath. “I’ve called you a lot of things over the years, but a liar has never been one of them. You said everything’s about me, that you love me—”

“That wasn’t a lie,” he interrupted, suddenly desperate. He stepped towards you, feeling a part of his heart break off when he saw tears shining in your eyes. “Please, if there’s anything you take away from that, from us, just know everything I said was true.” Harvey took a shaky breath, fighting to keep his voice from breaking. “Everything reminds me of you — the sun, the beach, the forest, the city, this entire damn town is filled with bits and pieces of . . . of just you. There’s not a moment that goes by where you’re not on my mind, Y/N, I assure you. You truly are the light to my darkness.”

You took one step back, looking at him with emotions swirling in your gaze. “You say that, and yet, there’s still a part of you holding back,” you whispered brokenly, and Harvey had never hated himself more. 

“Why are you so scared, Harvey?”

“Because I don’t deserve you!” he cried, tears running freely down his cheeks as an all too familiar panic swelled in his chest. He turned away, rubbing his face with both his hands in an effort to steady himself. He kept his back to you as he spoke to the floor. “I love you, with all my being, but I know I’ll only hold you back. It’s what I’ve been doing since we were kids, it’s what I always do. I-I can never be enough, no matter how badly I want to, no matter how hard I try—”

Strong arms wrapped around his torso from behind, and Harvey felt as if his world was crashing down.

“That’s the thing, Harvs,” you said quietly, and he could tell from your voice your own tears had broken loose. “You’ve always been enough, but we’ve both just been too dumb and blind to see.”

Harvey managed a defeated laugh at that, making sure his breaths were even before turning to see your face. You looked at him with a sad smile, keeping one hand on his back as you reached over to swipe his wet cheek with your thumb. He leaned into the warmth of your palm and closed his eyes, reveling in the contact he’d missed dearly. 

“I love you,” he murmured, opening his eyes. 

You nodded, bringing your hand down to the nape of his neck. “I love you, too,” you replied, “no matter how much of an idiot you are.”

He huffed another laugh, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. “Well, I suppose you’re not wrong. I did go to medical school, you know.”

“They obviously didn’t have a class on, ‘Telling Your Best Friend You’re in Love with Her,’ did they?”

“Not exactly.” 

You rolled your eyes. “The flowers are your gift, by the way,” you mentioned, suddenly growing a bit shy. “Not my best effort, I know, but think of it as karma.”

“Your karma backfired, then, because that was the best gift you could’ve given me.” His arms tightened around you. “I knew there was something suspicious about it.”

“Whatever.” Your fingers grazed through his hair, and Harvey shivered at your touch. 

“We’ll take things slow,” he promised quietly, and by then, the two of you had leaned impossibly closer to each other, lips grazing against each other’s as you spoke. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”

You hummed, smiling. “More than okay on my end,” you said, pausing before you added, “but a kiss isn’t too much, is it?”

He pretended to think before shaking his head and leaning forward. “Not at all.”

As Harvey’s lips gently met yours, he imagined he was healing the cracks he put in your heart, hoping you could feel all the unspoken words left on his tongue.

I missed you, but we’ll be okay. 

[dearladynightmare]

Good day my friends! Today I want to share with you my very well-considered theory about Hordaks “defect”. This idea really makes sense to me which is why I use it canonically for my comics (especially the next one). So, if you are interested in how I spent my nights, not able to sleep because of this head-canon, GO AHEAD! ;)

While watching the show I noticed some inconsistencies according to what Hordak said about his defect and how Horde Prime (HP) dealt with it. But what exactly do we know about his defect? Well, he told Entrapta that he was a clone of Horde Prime, that he had been his “top general” but he a had a defect in his cloning. So Prime declared him worthless and sent him to die to the front lines.

When I rewatched that episode I was confused. Horde Prime had a top general? Horde Prime himself chose a “worthless” clone to be his top general??? A clone who’s not even worth to have a name?? Later we found out that Prime does not distinguish between his clones. None of them was special in any way. Their only reason for existence was to serve HP. The clones also don't have fixed positions or tasks. You can follow this thesis well following Hordak. One time he stands at Prime's side, one time he is a guard in the corridors, one time he is a sentry on Etheria, ... It doesn’t matter to Prime - They doesn’t matter.

My first explanation was that Hordak just made the “top general” story up. A story he was telling himself to feel less worthless. An attempt to ascribe value to himself and in the eyes of Prime. And to give meaning to what he was doing on Etheria. It seemed simple – to simple. So, I thought what was if Hordak told the truth? And now hold on my friends!

Hordak wasn’t like the other clones. He had something which made him special – his defect. And I am not talking about his physical health problems which we were able to see in the show (I`ll come back to this later). I am talking about Hordaks ability of independent thinking and slight resilience against HPs mind control. Sounds weird but pls hear me out!

After Hordak returned to HP, his story could have ended. Prime wiped his mind and Hordak should have been like all the other clones. He should have been unable to remember who he was and his complete past on Etheria. But his story wasn’t over. From that time Hordak showed us that Primes mind control does not really work on him. And I have proof!

1. Prime is barely able to see Hordaks thoughts

Primes wasn’t able to see his thoughts right after their reunion. He seemed to wonder and came closer to touch Hordaks face. Then it worked. Later Hordak started to question everything, he was thinking about Entrapta, the first ones writing, She-Ra, the rebellion and was able to keep all those thoughts from the all knowing- all seeing Horde Prime, even if he was standing right next to him. Even if Hordak shouldn’t been able to remember any of those things in the first place.

2. Hordak remembers things without even trying

Before Hordak noticed that he had forgotten something he already remembered things without trying. For example when he met Catra on the corridor and called her by her actual name and not little sister like all the others.

3. Only Hordak was able to fight the mindcontrol

In the show we see various characters being controlled by Prime. But no one was able to resist as much as Hordak did (and he sometimes didn’t even try). Catra was the first to fall victim to the control. she could only defend herself when the chip in her neck got damaged, and even after that she was barely able to. Later, many other protagonists became victims, without the capability to defend themselves. In the end, even Micah was under the control and would have killed his own daughter if Glimmer wasn’t stronger than him. The mind control was stronger than his fatherly love and the fact that he was a mighty sorcerer!

Fact is, even if the controlled characters stood in front of the person they loved the most, they weren’t able to fight the control BUT Hordak (who only exists to obey Primes orders) found the lil first ones writing and went all like “ENTRAPTA! MY TINY WIFE!” ... Well kind ofxD

He also refused Primes orders when he met Entrapta back on Etheria again. He recognized her and wouldn't hurt her. He let her run off! And don't forget when Prime wanted him to get disposed of her. Prime ordered him personally to get rid of her, and he refused! BETTER he turned against him.

And tbh I don’t think theres a difference between a clone under mind control or an controlled Etherian. After all, the clones also had their own personalities, as we were able to see from Wrong Hordak.

And if all that is true, it is possible that Hordak really was a top general of Prime. Maybe HP recognized that Hordak is “smarter” than the others. Maybe he has used Hordaks feature at the beginning and gave him the post as top general. Maybe in form of a consultant? But we know Prime and we know that he wanted to control everything. And maybe he started to question whether he really wanted to grant Hordak this worth. He created a very own “security gap” and so he got rid of Hordak. Of course he didn't tell Hordak about the real reason why he wanted to get rid of him. He just told him that he was a defect! Hordak wasn't aware of what his actual defect was (that he was special) until he started to experience his body betraying him.

Which leads us to his obvious health problems! But what are they if they are not the original defect? Hordaks body turned out to be very weak. He made himself an amour to hold himself together (btw I think that’s very impressive since he’s „just“ a clone, it shows how smart he was!) because his body was betraying him. Well I noticed sth Wrong Hordak said and showed us. THE NUTRIENT-RICH AMNIOTIC FLUID. Remember? When he cooked together with Glimmer he said “True nourishment comes from the favor of Horde Prime, also from nutrient-rich amniotic fluid.“ After that, he showed off an ampoule of this green liquid stuff that we've seen often in the show. Soooo since I´m sure that HP has better things to do than share his rare food with his clones I think they also ate things like ration bars BUT this green liquid seems to be most important to Horde Primes species… He himself is treated with it and even a “simple and worthless clone” like Wrong Hordak is equipped with it. It´s a property he carries with him, so it must be important. Maybe important for their state of health??

If that’s true… and I think it is… Hordak has had a massive lack of an indispensable substance his species requires! And that over years since he has been parted from Prime! No wonder he was doing that horrible! This would explain why his state of health got worse over time and why he no longer had green eyes. His own technologies helped him for a long time but soon failed. If Entrapta had not been there, to make him a new suit he probably would have died or sth.

But even Entrapta's technologies could not entirely help him. At least not enough. Not until he returned to Prime, because Prime had no trouble healing Hordak. It was Prime's technologies that Hordak needed, so why did he throw Hordak out when his defect was only a thing that HP could easily cure? So the physical defect was just a concomitant symptom of years of neglect.

In the end there’s one question left: Why did Prime accept Hordak into his ranks again if my theory is right? Why would he take Hordak back if he was able to resist the mind control. Easy. Horde Prime is an arrogant and selfish dumbass. He was sure that after all that happened he must be the one Hordak loved the most. He decided to watch and test Hordak and his faith (when he asked him to kill Entrapta). He wanted to see him suffer. And he knew if Hordak wasn’t faithful he could easily get rid of him. But he decided to play that sick game… and he lost because Hordak chose to break the chain of abuse.

So that’s it. My theory about Hordak! Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoy!💜

[kingdom-by-the-sea]

The Not Valentine’s Date

Summary- Mutual pining, an office bet, and baby sitting make for an interesting Valentine’s Day between Spencer and Hotch’s daughter.

Warnings- fluffy fluff

Pairing- Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader Hotch’s daughter

Word Count- 2.7k

A/N- This is something I randomly wrote last year after Valentine’s Day but didn’t post cause I felt like I had missed my window. Who knows maybe I’ll write something later this week that I’ll post in a year.

—————-

“Eww,” Emily complained, scrunching up her face in disgust, “Please tell me that none of those lines actually work on real life girls. I don’t understand why guys had to start going around saying stuff like that and ruin Valentine’s day for the rest of us.”

”Woah,” Prentiss stopped Reid mid-explaining, “You are not actually referring to that,” she gestured vaguely in Morgan’s direction, “as poetry.”

Spencer scrunched his face in consideration, “Not in the traditional sense, I suppose. However, in my opinion, some of the best lines of poetry about love have nothing to do with Valentine’s day so using it as the standard might not properly reflect what you’re looking for.”

“Oh really,” Morgan questioned, “And what exactly would you use to woo the ladies on the fourteenth?”

Reid considered the question seriously his fingers tapping to some indiscernible beat as he thought, “‘We loved with a love that was more than love.’”

“What?” Morgan’s reaction was quick and it seemed that everyone else in the group mirrored his sentiment, “Hate to break it to you, pretty boy, but no girl you mention that to is going to have a clue-”

“You quote a man who married his thirteen year-old cousin on love?” Y/N asked suddenly, drawing everyone’s attention.

“They really are a match made in heaven…” Prentiss muttered only loud enough for Morgan to hear, who responded with a chuckle.

Reid’s face darkened several shades of red, “I just mean-”

“It’s fine,” Y/N let out a small laugh, “I’m just teasing. Annabel Lee’s probably my favorite poem. Just sucks that most of the romanticism poets were… just really weird.”

Spencer regained his composure and released an unexpected laugh, “Yeah.”

“Anyone want more coffee, I’m going to get another cup,” Y/N stood and left for the kitchenette after finding there weren’t any takers.

“So close and yet… so far,” Prentiss said once Y/N was out of earshot.

“Seriously, man,” Morgan started, “Just ask her to go to dinner or something already.”

Reid rolled his eyes, “Is this about your bet pool thing again?”

“Not anymore,” Morgan said, “I’ve been out since last month. Somehow I thought New Years would do the trick.”

Prentiss laughed, “You’re doing way better than me. I really thought the hormones would outweigh this nerdy stupidity,” she gestured at Reid’s face, “and said Halloween.”

“Halloween?!” Reid squeaked out before lowering his voice significantly, “There is no way you thought Y/N and I would get together by Halloween of last year.”

The two agents dutifully ignored him and Morgan continued, “Who’s even left at this point? I know Rossi chose St. Patrick’s day for whatever reason.”

“And Hotch said Valentine’s,” Prentiss finished and any air of concern left Reid’s face.

“Well now I know you’re making this up,” he turned back to his work, “There is no way Hotch would bet on his daughter’s love life.”

Prentiss tsked, “Your future father-in-law is going to be very disappointed if you miss this benchmark.”

“Seriously though,” Morgan started again, “Just ask her to hang out. Don’t even call it a date.”

“We hang out all the time though…” Spencer whispered, fiddling with his tie.

“Then it shouldn’t be that big of a deal,” Morgan patted him on the shoulder, “Go get her, lover boy.”

Reluctantly, Reid rose from his seat and made his way to the kitchenette. Y/N was busy filling up her mug with the right amount of sugar- that is as much as can fit in the cup- but smiled when she noticed him.

“Did you change your mind? I can grab another mug.”

“What? Oh- no, I’m good,” he glanced over at her searching for the right words, “I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out on Monday…?”

Y/N’s face lit up at the thought before she scrunched up her nose, “I’d love to but I can’t. I’m actually watching Jack so my dad can go out but maybe this weekend?”

She returned to stirring her coffee not noticing the third person entering the vicinity.

“Or Reid could come over and help you with Jack?” Hotch said, forcing them both to turn suddenly in his direction.

“Oh no,” Y/N began, “You don’t have to do that. I wouldn’t want you to waste your Valentine’s Day.”

“No, no. That sounds great,” Spencer smiled at her and her heart seemed to warm as she mirrored his reaction, “Send me the times over the weekend.”

With that Reid walked back to his desk in semi-victory.

“Did Reid just ask you to hangout with him on Valentine’s Day?” Hotch asked with a mock accusatory glance.

“Yeah,” Y/N said absentmindedly, “I mean no- I mean he did but it's not like that. We are just two single adults who enjoy each other’s company and not having to feel lonely on a day devoted to love.”

“Y/N, what exactly do you call it when two single adults meet up on Valentine’s Day to ‘enjoy each other’s company?’” he could barely manage to suppress the smile growing on his face at the teasing.

Her face turned pink, “I’m not sure- but apparently you call it babysitting.”

~~~

As the evening waned on, Y/N was more and more glad for Spencer’s company. Outside of simply enjoying his presence, it helped to have a second person there to reign in some of Jack’s more energetic behavior. However, her appreciation wasn’t enough to keep her from noticing how her heartstrings tugged seeing the way Jack and Spencer both lit each other up with excitement. Spencer was beyond engaging and Y/N finally understood why Henry always seemed to immediately latch onto Spencer at BAU gatherings. It was intoxicating to watch them together and Y/N easily could have lost herself in the moment if it weren’t for the screaming six-year-old running around the house constantly threatening to knock things over. Luckily for Reid, Y/N, and their respective sanities, this level of energy wasn’t sustainable and an eventual crash was inevitable.

He nodded lazily in response, “Can we watch Encanto?” for a brief moment the sparks returned behind his eyes as he mentioned what was quickly becoming his new favorite movie.

“Sure,” Y/N said with a small laugh. This would have to be close to the twentieth time she had seen the movie but for Jack’s sake, it was all worth it.

Jack headed for the stairs and Spencer was quick to follow after him.

“I’ll help him get ready for bed,” he explained, noticing what was apparently a rather obvious expression of confusion and the slight tilt of her head, “You could set up the movie?”

Having your heart flutter this much had to be medically concerning, but there was nothing Y/N could do to stop it as she watched her best friend take her brother’s small hand.

“Okay,” she whispered and was met with a smile that sent her straight back into heart-fluttering territory. No matter how long she knew Spencer, he never stopped surprising her. Considering the effort and detail he put into every other aspect of his life, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that he would be so attentive with her brother. And yet he still managed to strengthen his hold on her heart with every little action that came as some unexpected surprise to her. In truth, she suspected it was a precautionary measure, if she truly let herself recognize how kind and wonderful Spencer was, she’d be done for in an instant.

All the precautions in the world couldn’t have stopped the back of her mind from spinning stories about him though. Spencer was too gentle and pure to keep the less hardened parts of her soul from imagining what it all could be like if she could indulge if she could step over the line she had drawn in the sand for herself.

Upstairs, it seemed Jack had stumbled upon a small reservoir of energy, taking the time to show Spencer his favorite toys and stuffed animals while Spencer attempted to offer him various pajama set options. Eventually, Jack settled on the set covered with small dogs.

Spencer didn’t mind the push and pull Jack, or other children gave him. There was something so strangely fascinating to him about a mind so free from insecurity and a child’s willingness to simply say what was on their mind. Despite his extensive memory, he couldn’t remember a time he truly felt like that and hoped it was merely a result of the fog around his earliest memories. Every decision he made was coated in consideration and accounted for every possible result. He couldn’t help but wish that his hypervigilance would let up from time to time and leave him free to explore the thoughts, and emotions, that remained.

“You work with my sister,” Jack offered up less as a question and more as a statement.

“Yes, I do,” Spencer responded to the not question.

The boy’s head bobbed in as much seriousness as a six-year-old could muster, “Can you still be friends with someone if you work with them?”

Spencer watched as he stepped away from him and began absentmindedly examining the toys around his room.

“Of course,” Spencer answered, not sure where this line of question was headed, “Your sister and I are very good friends then.”

Jack’s attention swiftly returned to Spencer, “So you like her then?”

“I do like her. She’s smart and cool,” Spencer narrowed his eyes slightly on the boy, “Just like you.”

Jack came closer to him and in what he seemed to think was a hushed voice said, “Did you know that sometimes when people really like they get married…?”

“And then….” he scrunched up his face and whispered, “They make a baby.”

Spencer’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened in what Jack considered to be genuine surprise.

“I know, right?” Jack stepped away and began picking up a blanket and stuffed animal to take downstairs with him, without looking up he added, “Do you think you and Y/N will get married?”

Spencer’s mind went completely blank. None of the dozens of courses he had taken over the years would provide him with any sort of answer that would satisfy Jack. Part of him wanted to say yes and not give any of it another thought but reason quickly squashed that idea. And yet…

And yet he couldn’t bring himself to say no either. It was far too permanent and left no room for the small bead of hope he hid away in the back of his mind.

“Maybe…” he answered finally, “I don’t really know though…”

Jack pulled the blanket and toy behind him and giggled, “I hope you do!”

Spencer’s stomach did a somersault and he scooped the small boy and his blanket up into his arms before he could notice the strange smile emerging on his face. I do too.

~~~

“I swear that kid is pure energy,” Y/N said, shutting the door behind them and stepping out into the cool night with Spencer.

Y/N pointed a somewhat accusatory finger at him, “And don’t say something like ‘technically we are all energy since we’re made of mass.’’

He rolled his eyes at her with a smile, “I was going to say that while he may have been more energetic than I expected- I had fun hanging out with you guys.”

She couldn’t help the smile that immediately bubbled up to the surface of her lips, “I had fun too. I’m glad I didn’t completely waste your Valentine’s day.”

“Never,” he whispered just loud enough for her to hear.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you on Monday,” Y/N said when they reached the end of the driveway where Spencer’s car was parked.

His eyes narrowed slightly on her, “What are you doing? How are you getting back to your apartment?”

“Oh I have an uber coming in a little bit. I”m just going to wait here until they get here.”

“You want me to leave you here on the side of the road and drive away?” he questioned.

“No,” Y/N corrected, “I want you to leave me at the end of my dad’s driveway.”

“I’m not leaving you here,” Spencer said definitively, “I’ll drive you or we could go back to my apartment and watch awful romcoms and start working on the mound of candy Rossi and Garcia got us.”

She blinked at him, “Really?”

“Yeah,” his movement suddenly became awkward and choppy, “I mean you obviously don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, no,” Y/N smiled, “I’m just surprised. You spent the past five hours with me and my hyperactive brother and you want to hang out more?”

“I always want to spend time with you,” he said shyly.

“Sometimes I just forget that you’re you, Spence,” Y/N shook her head slightly and took a step closer to him.

“I hope that’s not a bad thing,” his eyes were slightly wider than usual.

“No, not at all. It’s the best thing actually,” Y/N smiled up at him, “And just so you know, I’d gladly spend every moment of every day with you.”

He looked down at her, not able to suppress the smile growing on his face.

“You know,” Spencer said, clearing his throat slightly, “Jack said something to me earlier and I didn’t know how to respond to him.”

“Oh gosh…” her voice faded into a slight chuckle.

“He was asking me all these questions about you. Like if we were friends and if I thought you were nice,” Spencer watched as Y/N glanced up at him, “I said yes to both of those… but then- then he asked if we were going to get married.”

Y/N’s lips let out a silent “oh.”

She blinked and glanced down at the ground momentarily, “What did you tell him?”

He scratched absently at the side of his head, “Well I wasn’t sure what to say so I told him maybe?”

Y/N’s face broke into a smile and near laugh, “You told him ‘maybe?��”

“I’m sorry I just didn’t know what to say. You’re not mad, are you?”

“No, no,” she let out the rest of the laugh, “I just think we should go on a date before you start promising these kinds of things to my brother.”

Spencer blinked and swallowed before looking down at the ground, “Would you have said yes if I asked you out?”

“Yeah,” a soft smile settled on her lips, “I mean of course. Don’t tell Jack but you’re kind of my favorite person in the world.”

“Really?” his eyes settled on hers.

“What? Did you think I’d say no?” Y/N asked with genuine concern.

“I don’t know I just thought that it would make things difficult since we work together and-”

“Spence, hey, hey, stop it!” she said with a slight laugh.

A beat passed where she just looked at him.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

Y/N smiled, “I just want to remember the moment right before I kiss you.”

Spencer’s eyes widened slightly.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded not sure if she was referring to the moment or the kiss but it didn’t matter either way. She smiled up at him again, looking into his eyes and her hands moved up till they met behind his neck. After inhaling slightly, Y/N perched on her toes and gently pulled Spencer’s face down until their lips met each other.

[0asisbliss]

i saw another blog that did something similar and it warmed my heart!! im a bit shy to ask but could you write for yandere kurapika w a little sister around the same age as killua and gon? the idea of him having someone to dote on just warms my heart 💗💗💗

if you’re not into this type of writing, just feel free to ignore this ask!!!

Little Sis

Parings: PlatonicYan! Kurapika x Fem! Reader

A/n: I loved this idea. I should’ve probably said earlier that write platonic, and romantic Yanderes. Reader also doesn’t use nen.. NOT PROOF READ

Dividers by: cold—carnage bucciniexe

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your all the really had left ever since he lost you two lost your clan he’s never let you out of his sight. You thought it was sweet. How much Kurapika kept you by his side.

Over time Kurapika made a couple of friends to your surprise. Because Kurapika seemed very introverted in your opinion. Once he got comfortable enough with them to bring them around you. All four of you hit it off. You thought Leorio’s reason to be a doctor was sweet, and Killua, and Gon’s friendship left you astonished on how fast they grew so closely. Once everyone left you decided you wanted to see your friends again.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh, just to see Hana.” You started walking to the door before Kurapika stops you.

“Don’t you think it’s a little late to be going out?”

“It’s just 5:30? I don’t get how it’s late-.” Your sentence was cut off by Kurapika dragging you back to your room.

“Yep exactly. Too late.”

You just sat there looking dumb. He’s been acting like this for the past week. What’s up with him?

You decided to take your outfit off that you chose to go out with, and put back on your pajamas. You decided since Kurapika was home, which was a rare occasion to spend some time with him.

You found him in the kitchen to your surprise cooking dinner which looked like tacos? He wasn’t really as much of a cook actually, but he tried since he was your older brother he thought that was what he was supposed to do. You walked into the kitchen, and stood beside him. He noticed you beside him, and glanced your way. Signaling to ask you what you might’ve wanted.

“Can I help?” You asked genuinely wanting to help him. You sometimes felt bad for your brother. He never really said much to you about his feelings, but you could tell just by looking at him sometimes that something was eating away at his heart.

“Sure.” He gave a warm smile before handing you a spoon.

Confused you ask him why he gave you a spoon instead of a knife.

“You could cut yourself or worst. It’s just too dangerous.”

You didn’t even argue when Kurapika said things like this he always meant well, but it never really made sense to you. It was always the small things most of the time like handling knifes, cutting paper with scissors, and doing other things with mildly sharp objects.

“What am I supposed to do with this Kurapika?”

“Stir the meat.”

“Okay.” You went over to the stove to find the pot of meat.

After Kurapika was done chopping the meat he offered to do the meat as well but you declined because you wanted to do it. Kurapika doesn’t really like when you do things for him, not in way that it’s just because he doesn’t like the way you do it. He just prefers to do things for you instead of the opposite.

He let you do this because you genuinely wanted to help. He found sweet on how much you wanted to help your brother.

Overtime the meat was ready, and you took the curiosity of preparing the tacos. You had made them all nice and pretty. You sat the two plates on the table, and gave Kurapika a kiss on the forehead before sitting down, and eating your food. While a the table you two sit in comfortable silence before Kurapika decided to break the silence, and start conversation.

“Where were you, and your friends planning on going?”

“Oh just to the fair.” You felt a little upset about canceling on your friends so soon, but you’re spending time with your brother right now, so did that really even matter?

“Oh alright.” He replied with interest.

You loved the way your brother tried even though he had his own issues, and battles he always tried to make time for his little sis. Kurapika knew he had to keep the last thing he had going for him safe.

[letteredlettered]

Since people expressed interest in the comments about the music I used to write my current fic, I wanted to share some of what I explored to write it. I don't think that you need to know this canon or have read this fic to read this post, though I do spend a bit of time talking about how canon influenced the choices I made. Anyone who has been following this fic knows that it was supposed to be porn, and largely, it really still is for the most part a fic about sex. But I did do a lot of research on music with which I'm frankly not very familiar, and the process was really rewarding.

The fic is Time Signature, if you're interested. This post has a lot about music, electronic music, Chinese music, and music theory, as well as some links to music that interests me and inspired portions of the fic. I don't expect anyone to read anything this long, but it was nice to write it.

Canon. One of my favorite things about both book and drama canon is how in synch WWX/LWJ are cultivation-wise. It’s not just that they can predict the talisman the other will use or the seal the other will cast; they also have the same hunches solving mysteries, the same instincts protecting others, the same ideas about where to go. When writing an AU, it’s important to me to show that synchronization (beyond physical attraction and sex), mostly because I think it’s hot.

In canon, however, WWX revolutionizes cultivation, inventing a whole new method when no one ever thought that possible. I also think this is hot. I also think it’s hot if LWJ thinks it’s hot. Look, canonically, LWJ disapproves of demonic cultivation because it will injure WWX’s spirit and body, but imo there is a reason LWJ is so into WWX, and it’s not just because WWX bugs him. It’s not even just because WWX is really cute and happy and exuberant and everything that’s the opposite of his upbringing. I also like to think that it’s because WWX is a fucking genius, and LWJ doesn't mind the idea of upending tradition and the entire cultivation world as much as it really seems at first that he would; he just struggles with anything that could hurt WWX. So anyway, WWX being revolutionary, in basically a technological sense, is important to me.

Wangxian both play music canonically. LWJ’s playing is noted to be particularly powerful, and WWX’s chosen music is at least one part of his revolutionary cultivation method. Additionally, the song LWJ writes for them is an important plot point. It makes sense that in a modern AU, music is a point of connection, so that is what I chose for their careers.

The final point about canon I want to make in connection to the music for this fic is that this is a Chinese canon with Chinese characters set in China. I don’t think it’s wrong to write AUs set in the west. I have done so, and I think there is value in examining a Chinese canon that has become very popular in the west through the lens of the Chinese diaspora. But I also think that there is a lot of value in a western person such as myself trying to learn and understand the cultural context for a canon that I really like, even if I sometimes get it wrong.

I had decided to set this fic in China because I thought the setting would not strongly feature, which would give me an easy “in” to write something set in a place I don’t know much about. Directly after choosing the setting I chose their careers, which made me realize I needed to do a lot more research—both about the careers but also about the setting--than a fic that was supposed to be mainly porn should have really required.

Music genre choice. Lots of AUs I’ve read have Wangxian’s mutual interest be that they both play western classical instruments. This baffles me, but it’s what I’ve seen, so I loosely started there—ie, I spent some time thinking about what would be revolutionary in western instrumental music, which entailed doing some research on contemporary classical music. There are obviously pioneers in any music genre, folks doing new things, but it turned out I just did not know enough about this genre to really understand what would be truly avant-garde.

I took a step back and thought about the instrumental music I have personally heard that feels really new and different, and Philip Glass was the first thing that came to mind. I first heard of Philip Glass when I saw The Hours, for which he wrote the soundtrack. I still think that soundtrack is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard, and I did use it as inspiration for music in this fic, particularly LWJ’s. More on that later.

Philip Glass is great, but for all his eastern minimalist influences, he is a strong figure in the western paradigm. I did some research on Chinese contemporary instrumental music, but most of what I found had a really western flavor. I think there are two reasons for this—one is that I am in the west searching for articles in English; for all that we like to imagine the internet is universal, search algorithms and search history is actually making it far harder than it used to be to find material with which you are completely unfamiliar. Secondly, western music did in fact have a notable impact on Chinese music, which is fine, it’s still Chinese, but I worried about everything I wrote just sounding like it was about western classical, which is a concern of mine I’ll address more later.

Since I wasn’t finding what I wanted, particularly for WWX, in the “art music” (aka, lowercase “c” classical music, which Wikipedia says is also known as “cultivated music, serious music, or canonical music”—ie, instrumental music with strings, winds, percussion) scene, I realized I needed to examine the other contemporary music, by which I mean everything else. Since I am most familiar with rock, Radiohead immediately came to mind, but Radiohead is a band, and there are lyrics. Though the lyrics are not where the meaning of Radiohead songs lie (the vocals are treated as largely instrumental), if there were lyrics, I’d need to write about them, and I didn’t want to. More importantly, Radiohead is singular in what they do, which makes them difficult to categorize, and this makes them difficult to describe textually. You can say that Radiohead revolutionized rock, or even reinvented it, but that is not really addressing how fundamentally avant-gardeRadiohead is. Describing how revolutionary Radiohead is on paper really is just saying “but they’re different!” over and over again.

What I needed for WWX was a music genre that was revolutionary, an entire school of music that felt cutting edge and frankly, unfamiliar, and for that, I realized I needed my brother.

Some stories about my family. My brother is a music artist who creates electronic music. If you want to understand why it took me this long to get to my brother in this thought process, you should understand a few things about him. First, I love him a lot, but we’re not very close. Second, my brother is probably the quietest person I know—like, idk, LWJ levels of non-talking. Last, I do not understand my brother’s music. I’ve tried! I listened to it a lot! But when I didn’t understand, I asked questions, and my brother cannot explain any of it. He’s an expressive guy! Just not verbally, and as a very verbal person, I have a tough time when people cannot use their words. Like, even asking him what type of music he plays, he’ll say something like, “It’s complicated.” (This is a lie. He’ll look at me and say, “Type?” And I’ll try to explain what I mean. And he’ll say, “I don’t know.” And if I said, “Okay, but if you had to label it?” He’d laugh and say, “Why?” And if I said, “So I can better understand your music,” he’d think for a long time, then look very frustrated, and laugh, and say, “I don’t know?” I think we’ve literally had this exact conversation).

Anyway, possibly through one of these type of exchanges, where I’m grilling him like a school marm and he’s acting like I’m making him take a standardized test he hates (I’m his little sister. Would it be easier to subject him to these horrors if he was my little brother?), I learned that one of my brother’s influences is Aphex Twin. My brother loves Aphex Twin. I . . . don’t. I’ve listened to a lot of him (in order to understand my brother better); I do not like it, and I do not understand it. My brother talks about Aphex Twin like he’s a genius (if and when my brother talks at all). Now, my brother is a very smart guy; it’s not that I didn’t believe him when he said Aphex Twin was a genius, but he also gets . . . swept up by things, and as previously discussed, he doesn’t talk a lot, so I didn’t really understand what my brother meant by this. It took hearing about Aphex Twin randomly, in a couple other places, for me to realize Aphex Twin is a Big Deal. When I looked up Aphex Twin at some point in order to better understand the music my brother makes, I found that Aphex Twin is considered by many to be a genius and also a pioneer. Apologies to all of you who already knew that about Aphex Twin.

Sidenote, my brother’s wife is also a musician, though not professionally. She could have been, considering that she was ranked as one of the top flute players in Texas, and Texas is fucking huge. But no, professionally, my sister-in-law is in cognitive science and linguistics, which you may remember was the career LWJ had in Say More (my fiancée is also a linguist. I also know a few other linguists. My life is convenient for my Wangxian AUs, I gotta say). I mention my sister-in-law because my sister-in-law has enough musical acuity to also recognize that both my brother and Aphex Twin are geniuses, which really helped me to understand that even though I’m not really into this music at all, it really is a Big Deal.

So, I researched Aphex Twin and also went to my brother’s website for his music to find out what the hell this type of music is called, and it turns out there’s not a good name. IDM, which stands for intelligent dance music, is a label Aphex Twin himself famously does not like, and my brother labeled his own music as “acid, techno, house, electro.” Wikipedia said that Aphex Twin is known for techno, ambient, and jungle.

Anyway, into this confusing morass of electronic revolutionary music is where I decided to plunk Wei Ying.

Electronic music. Note for this section that I know nothing about electronic music. I’m writing this post partly to document the journey of discovery I went on to write this porn. I’m not really trying to educate anyone so much as I’m trying to provide insight as to what I researched for this fic and what the references are, in case the fic interested you.

When you really get down to it, music made with electronics has as many genres and styes as music made with more traditional instruments, and the labels are just as confusing (see this Wikipedia list of electronic music genres). For instance, “electronica” just means music made with electronics to some people, but to others it’s more specific. You’ve also got a bunch of other terms: ambient, EDM, techno, house, IDM.

This is all based on what I learned from Wikipedia, but here are some loose definitions as I understand them: There’s ambient, which is really made for background listening, and then there’s EDM (electronic dance music), which is made for active listening—ie, dancing. Within EDM you have lots of genres, such as techno; techno is usually characterized by a specific tempo and repeating structure, and house, which . . . is also characterized by a specific tempo and repeating structure, but the tempo is different. From what I can gather, house is also a bigger tent than techno; ie, many different genres and styles can be house, but techno is more often just techno. (Note that part of the reason all of this terminology has so much overlap is that it originated in different places; techno was invented in Berlin, house in Chicago.) Meanwhile, the list of genres of house is so big that it also has its own Wikipedia page, which is almost as large as the list of electronic music genres.

Note that there is such a thing as “house ambient”, which explodes the entire concept of ambient vs EDM. To aid in that explosion, IDM is described on Wikipedia as including styles such as ambient techo, and “is regarded as better suited to home listening rather than dancing.” What stands out about IDM, and the reason it is featured in the fic, is that it’s known for being experimental. (I’ll add that it emerged in the 90s, which isn’t great for my fic. Whatever WWX is doing, he is on the edge, and 90s music already old to him, even if he’s Aphex Twin’s biggest fan! But alas, my research could not tell me what is happening right now, because you really have to be involved in The Scene to understand what’s new. By the time it’s documented, it’s already really a little old.)

If you are researching electronic music and how it is revolutionary, you’re probably going to get into its evolution and history, since this is a new style of music. And if you are looking into the origins of this kind of music, you’re going to find Brian Eno. And if you’re looking into Brian Eno, you’re going to find minimalism.

Minimalism. Brian Eno is an extremely famous dude. I’d probably heard of him before, but I am very good with big concepts and pretty bad with details, so because I didn’t know anything about the bigger concepts behind ambient/electronic music/minimalism, I never paid attention. Now I’m hearing about him literally everywhere, which is funny, since it’s not like he’s new news. Ezra Klein was literally waxing poetic about Music for Airports just a month ago.

Eno is famous for his pioneering work in ambient music and electronic music, and, as one might expect, electronic ambient. Eno was always doing experimental, avant-garde stuff, and early on he embraced a minimal style. He later coined the term “ambient music.”

What’s interesting about this is that around the same time as Eno was doing this in later 1960s/early 1970s, a new kind of art music was being born in classical circles. This is the capital “M” Minimal music, for which—you guessed it—Philip Glass is really famous. And when you look at Philip Glass’s influences, he was deeply influenced by the minimalism of eastern music, especially Indian and Tibetan music. I couldn’t really find anything saying that Brian Eno was directly influenced by traditional eastern music, but Eno is definitely a fan of Glass and vice versa; they really build on each other.

This ended up just being a very cool intersection for the fic that I didn’t plan. I didn’t end up using it very much, but I must say I was stupidly pleased that the kind of music I was looking into for both of these characters has such deep roots in eastern music traditions. So now let’s talk a little bit about eastern music, specifically Chinese music, since that’s where this fic is based.

Chinese music. I did read a bit about Chinese music for this fic, and I have to say that I still don’t know a lot about it. As stated above, I’m in the west, using my western search techniques, looking for primarily articles in English (though I get Google to translate some things). I also just have a western understanding of music and music history, and it turns out, surprise, different cultures are different, and my entire paradigm for understanding music does not really apply to music from other cultures.

I, and many of us, want music to be a universal language, something that can move through all barriers and touch us in our souls. And it is! I have listened to and loved music not from my culture! But thinking of music as something intrinsically universal and therefore immediately moving to everyone really collapses the rich history of musical tradition all cultures have. Music really is like a language, in that it is built on the culture that creates it; it has its own internal logic; it has style and meaning that depend on the history of that tradition and the understanding of its audience. The brief reading I’m going to do to write some porn will not give me to understand the deep and rich tradition of Chinese music, but also, frankly, even if I turned all my efforts and career to learning and understanding this right now, I still would not have the best comprehension. I don’t even comprehend western music, and I grew up with it. So, forgive me for the paucity of my understanding and knowledge, and please correct me if I make mistakes.

When I think about Chinese music that I know about, I think of two things: modern and traditional. The modern stuff I’m thinking of is stuff like C-pop, but also the things you might hear on the soundtrack for a drama or movie. To me, none of this music sounds that different than western pop or western soundtracks. There are a few reasons for this: one, there are tons of Chinese music that is not reaching me. Two, maybe I just think it doesn’t sound that different because I can only really process what I recognize. Three, in a similar vein, maybe I’m thinking “that sounds like what I know” when really what I know sounds like what I’m hearing. Globalization is definitely doing things to music; if you’re telling me that Asian pop is not influencing western pop right now, I’m going to think you’re crazy, considering the influence and popularity Asian pop has in the US and Europe right now. And four, western music did have an impact on Chinese music, so there’s that.

Obviously, the music genre I chose for Wei Ying falls into the modern sphere, and I certainly looked into the techno/EDM/IDM/electronic/ambient/house scene in China. Articles I found stated it took a little longer for EDM to pick up steam in China, but now it’s definitely going strong. There are some great electronic music festivals, EDM clubs, underground EDM scenes, and EDM music artists (composers and DJs!) in China. Researching these artists was pretty difficult, especially because I wanted Wangxian’s musical discussions to be highly technical, and for highly technical discussions about EDM you are wandering into some very niche spaces. I’m sure such spaces about EDM in China exist, but they’re most likely to be in Chinese.

As I’ve said, globalization is a factor when it comes to cultural difference in music, and I’d add here that because this genre of music is so new, globalization has even more influence, from what I can tell. That said, I do not want to diminish how much influence very specific locations have to do with this type of music. EDM is very tied to clubs (because of the dancing) and performance (because of deejaying, and also because of things like live coding/algorave), which is probably why we get so many granular genres of house—Chicago house is different from Detroit, just for example. Regardless, I stuck with researching a lot of western artists for both the music and musical discussions in the fic, mostly because the music is supposed to be so new and avant-garde that is should not be something overly familiar to the reader, even if they’re steeped in electronic music genres.

Then there’s traditional music.

Traditional music. Traditional music obviously had a huge influence on Chinese modern music. The influence of traditional eastern music on modern eastern music, as well as traditional eastern music itself, is what really influenced a lot of western minimalism of the 1960s and 70s (and onward). To be clear, not all “eastern” traditional music is the same. It’s just as richly diverse regionally as traditional western music, if not more so, given “the east” is fucking huge—though I will say that a lot of people think of western music as pretty monolithic, because folk is characterized as a separate tradition than classical. When you consider ancient western folk, there’s a shit ton of it, and it’s quite diverse. There is also folk music in eastern music traditions, and this is different than music that would have been played in courts and palaces, so there’s really a ton going on.

Traditional music is what people think of when they think of eastern music being “weird,” which is something I really hate. Look, I love being weird; I think weird is cool; it’s great. But weird means unusual, and traditional music is very usual; people who say that just mean it’s unusual for them, and they should think about their words. What they’re trying to say is that traditional eastern music will sound very different for many western listeners, even though, again, we like to think of music as so universal, actually!, because it’s based on math, actually!, and math is so universal!!! The truth is that math is patterns, and patterns are things that your brain recognizes when there are familiar elements, and when there are unfamiliar elements your brain has trouble recognizing the pattern. So, again, music is a way to communicate across all kinds of boundaries, but it is not a universal translator. (But it does make you wonder . . . if Lan Zhan played Inquiry, could Aeneas answer???)

Regarding the unfamiliar math, what we’re talking about is scales. I think most people know this part. Eastern scales are based on math, just like western scales, but the frequencies are divided up differently. Among other things, traditional Chinese music did not use equal temperament, which means depending on what note you start with, the intervals for all the notes on the scale were be different. A way of thinking about this, at least as I understand it, is that a piano is even tempered. All the notes are always the same whether you’re playing in C major or B flat, because you have no control over the frequency produced when you press the key. But if you’re using just intonation—say you’re using an instrument with just a few strings—you’re adjusting the frequency of the note to match your scale. It requires extremely precise hearing and playing ability.

Notation for traditional Chinese music was really different than how I as a westerner understand it. For one thing, it didn’t include rhythm, and for another, it represented more a framework for improvisation than every single precise note. (See Gongche notation, Wikipedia.)

Authorship was also thought of pretty differently. When I googled “great Chinese composers,” the only results I was getting were twentieth century. There are some great ancient Chinese composers, but I had to do a lot of digging to find them, and trying to find someone like the Chinese equivalent of Beethoven is just the wrong approach. When you get right down to it, this really seems to be about the fundamental difference between western individualism vs eastern collectivism and community-based thinking. The individual artist is not the hero of the story. That said, the tradition of the music is very heroic. For instance, the notation allows such variation that the same piece can really build and grow through different artists, much like a story through oral tradition. Additionally, for an artist in an ensemble piece to stand out would really be quite rude; the point is not the individual talent of the musicians but the fundamental beauty of the piece. (This was a particularly hard thing to research, and I mostly found out what I laid out above from various folks answering questions in forums. The best one I found is here.)

Another thing is that harmony, as we think of it, was just not really a thing in traditional Chinese music. The focus was on a melody, which is where minimalism comes in. I’d add here that the “as we think of it” is pretty important, because the western paradigm, including western music language, is not super great at really capturing the nuance of Chinese music. I am terrible at tracking my sources when I research stuff for fic, so I was trying to find some of them now, and I came across this article, which examines the harmony that did exist, but how different it is from what we think of when we think of western harmony.

Despite the reading I did on this subject, very little about Chinese traditional music made it into the fic. I do have Lan Zhan reading a book on traditional music that he hates. This isn’t based on a book I found, but rather to show that Lan Zhan isn’t really into the idea of musical “purity,” that is, ideas of what you should and shouldn’t do with music. That said, I’m not really aware of what strictures around traditional Chinese music are like, or what the Chinese thought is on that. I am aware of how deeply restrictive western thought is regarding music theory, and that’s really where that part of the fic was coming from.

I’d originally had Lan Zhan reading a book on western music theory and very deeply hating it, but I also felt like having him read a book on western theory could reinforce the idea that he’s working within a western paradigm, when really the whole point is that this Lan Zhan very intentionally uses traditional music values. Due to his inspiration from Wei Ying, he’s breaking the norms of how that music works, but he's not necessarily making it western; he’s making it avant-garde. Basically, my inspiration was a Chinese Philip Glass, but I didn’t want to say that because as mentioned above, Glass is still western, no matter his influences. That said, Wei Ying does compare Lan Zhan to Philip Glass and also Tan Dun, who you might recognize as the guy who did the soundtrack for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, among many other very famous projects.

Tan Dun has in fact been called the Chinese Philip Glass, which is probably not very respectful to Tan Dun, who is himself an incredible (and experimental!) composer. I should note, however, that Tan Dun is Chinese American—he was born in China, but got a degree at Columbia and has lived in New York since. Also, he is particularly famous for marrying Eastern traditionalism with western style, and that really wasn’t what I wanted for Lan Zhan. I didn’t want Lan Zhan to be incredible because he was using western traditions, though he is familiar with them and can make very talented use of them. A lot of very famous Chinese modern composer are famous for that, and that music is still very Chinese. That said, I felt that if I made that Lan Zhan’s style, it would feel like I was saying Lan Zhan’s music is special because it’s western, and that was something I really wasn’t keen on.

In the end, I possibly did the fic and traditional Chinese music a disservice by having Lan Zhan read his book and hate on it. One of the whole reasons western music theory sucks is it can be pretty racist, and that’s what I was trying to avoid, but by conflating my rage at western music theory with eastern, I didn’t really help things much. But anyway, since I’ve now mentioned it, let’s just take a slight detour to talk about what I mean by racist music theory.

Western music theory racism. There’s a scene in the movie Tár that really solidified my feelings on the subject. In it, a student who identifies as BIPOC and pangender, says they don’t really have much use for Bach because of Bach’s misogynist history. The extremely famous director, Tár, played by Cate Blanchett, lambasts the student for “cancelling” Bach because of Bach’s personal life. The student goes on to say that they really just don’t have much interest in cis male white composers, and Tár continues to lambast the student for considering things like gender and race in conjunction with the art.

My understanding of this scene was that it was demonstrating that Tár is a jerk, so full of herself that she can’t listen to other voices, and so steeped in her 18th century western ideas of genius that she’s literally silencing the music voices she’s supposed to support. That was not most people’s reading of the scene, and in retrospect, possibly not the intention of the film. It seems rather telling that not a lot is known about Bach’s misogyny or lack thereof; there are plenty of other “great” western composers that are known to be worse in terms of misogyny and abuse, and yet the film did not make this scene about them. In retrospect, maybe that scene wanted to paint this student as kind of ignorant for cancelling Bach, and Tár really puts them in their place when she describes how art is more important than the artist.

Fuck that. I certainly believe that art is more important than the artist. JK Rowling sucks; that doesn’t mean I will stop loving HP fic and the part it’s played in my life. But the ugliness of the scene is that it hinges on importance of Bach, and look here, shocker, Bach is not essential, just as JKR is not essential if you decide you don’t ever want to familiarize yourself with the literature of TERFs. Even if you want to be a musician and create or conduct music, Bach is just not essential.

He’s pretty important if you want to be a western music historian, true, but when we talk about music there are many, many music traditions that are incredibly worthwhile and important that not only weren’t created by cis white men, but also weren’t ever derived or influenced by cis white men. If you think that you need Bach to know and love and create and perform and conduct music, it’s because you’re operating in a single paradigm that has become yes, universally known, but also for that reason oppressive and imperialist. I am not saying western classical music is bad because it’s imperialist, just to be clear. Bach’s great! Hate ‘im, but I do love me some Beethoven and he was also very cis and male and white and also a complete douche! What I’m saying is that forcing this music tradition on others is deeply imperialist, and it happens all the time.

Anyway, this is really a tangent, because despite my very good intentions to write about Chinese music, as I have stated, almost everything I used for reference was western, even a lot of the stuff I listened to. Maybe I just wanted to acknowledge that that’s a little racist, even though I tried not to be. Maybe I also wanted to hate on Tár and leave you with this interesting video about white supremacy in music theory.

References. Finally, we’ve reached the part I had originally intended to post, which is why I started writing this. Below are the essays and articles I used to write this fic. They were used in three ways: 1) to describe the music (though I also listened to things, see next section), 2) to inform Lan Zhan’s critiques and Wei Ying’s ideas—though I read a lot of essays to do that, just a crazy amount considering how little of the fic is actually about that, and 3) to describe the reading material Wei Ying and Lan Zhan exchange.

Music Beyond Airports – Appraising Ambient Music

This is a series of essays largely focused around Brian Eno’s Music for Airports, though there’s a lot of other stuff as well. I didn’t read everything in here, but the collection is absolutely fascinating. “Ambient House: “Little Fluffy Clouds” And The Sampler As Time Machine” is one of the “articles” Wei Ying sends Lan Zhan; meanwhile, the collection as whole is what Lan Zhan sends Wei Ying when he says he’s been reading about ambient house. Additionally, “Adaptive Game Scoring With Ambient Music” really influenced Lan Zhan’s commentary about arpeggiation, the first time he comments on Wei Ying’s music.

Counterpoint - Tracking in the Music of Aphex Twin

I have some embarrassment about this, given that the article is about counterpoint, and as I have discussed above, eastern traditional music doesn’t really employ that in the way westerners think about it. However, it’s also pretty backwards to restrict Wei Ying to traditional eastern music, as modern Chinese music includes plenty of counterpoint, and part of the point of the fic is that Wei Ying is doing entirely new things that haven’t been done before. Well. They’ve been done by Aphex Twin, as described in this piece, which also describes the first piece that Wei Ying plays for Lan Zhan in the fic, in the car. I did lift the phrase “pedagogy of counterpoint,” and could not decide whether it was long enough or significant enough to credit in the fic.

Unequal Temperament: A Review of Aphex Twin’s SYRO

I can’t remember what I used this article for. It’s an interesting read.

Reverb Machine (the entire website)

This is the site I kept returning to over and over and over again. Most of the articles about electronic really focus on either the equipment used or chords. In the fic, Lan Zhan isn’t supposed to know much about equipment or how any of it is used, because he does not do electronic music. Also, I didn’t really want to talk much about chord progressions, because those discussions are steeped in western music theory, and I wanted it to be possible for Wei Ying to be using the kind of scales traditional Chinese music used, even if a lot of modern Chinese music does use an even-tempered 12-tone scale. However, this site has a lot, and I ended up returning to it again and again so Wei Ying could say an offhand thing about reverb, and to describe certain things.

Notably, Wei Ying’s track, sex.mp3 is loosely based around Trent Reznor’s and Atticus Ross’s soundtrack to The Social Network. I haven’t even talked about Trent Reznor, but he was also someone I considered deeply when I started thinking about making Wei Ying do electronic music. In case you don’t know, Reznor was the artist behind Nine Inch Nails, but in later years he moved on to more experimental things, including movie soundtracks. Side note, movie soundtracks and video games is where a lot of these experimental artists doing either minimalism, ambient, or electronica, or a combination of all three end up, and I ended up reading a lot about video game music.

But anyway, when I saw the Social Network, I came out of it 1) admiring Aaron Sorkin and wishing I didn’t admire Aaron Sorkin because he’s kind of a douche, 2) shipping Mark and Eduardo way too much for my comfort, 3) going HOLY SHIT THAT SOUNDTRACK. Turns out I was not alone in finding that soundtrack totally different and new compared to anything I have ever heard, because as it turns out, it really was—wait for it—revolutionary. I understand that I have now said that about Glass, Eno, Radiohead, and Aphex Twin, but hey, people are doing things in music. Like I get that pop and hiphop artists are revolutionizing their genres all the time, but also it is possible for music as we know it to be redefined, and it’s not just the weird shit you hear that sounds like noise (there is a place for the weird shit that sounds like noise, and Brian Eno is closer to it than any of the above mentioned; I am not dissing weird shit that sounds like noise, because it is part of how we get where we are going).

Anyway, I used this website’s essay about The Social Network’s piece, “In Motion” to describe some of the music and inform some commentary on it.

“East Meets West: A Musical Analysis of Chinese Sights and Sounds, by Yuankai BaoSounds, by Yuankai Bao” by Jiazi Shi

This was the only essay I found that really had the extremely niche technical jargon that I really wanted for the fic that was also about Chinese music. You’ll note that it’s about a Chinese composer who is, again, famous for marrying eastern and western tradition, but this was what I could find in English, and I searched a lot. You’ll note that Lan Zhan’s very specific comment about the key change is something very directly inspired by this grad school dissertation. You’ll also note that this is where I found “Flowing Stream,” including a description of the song and the lyrics.

Music. A lot of fics like this one will link you to a specific piece that the character is playing. I could not do that, because the music in my fic is very intentionally made up. As I have been saying, the whole point is that Wei Ying is pushing the boundaries, inventing music that does not exist. So is Lan Zhan, by the end. I listened to music to inspire the descriptions, but it is not what they are playing, and almost none of it is Chinese. I’d be very interested in finding some Chinese music that is working on some of the principles of minimalism and electronic that these pieces employ.

Aphex Twin – Stone In Focus

Now you’ve come to the climax—this is really the story of how I learned to love Aphex Twin. This piece makes me cry. It’s what I used to describe the piece that has the remix of Lan Zhan’s guqin piece from 12 years ago. Obviously, the guqin piece mentioned in the fic is the canonical piece, Wangxian, but I find Wangian in the drama cheesier than I want it to be, and this Aphex Twin piece doesn’t have the Wangxian part. It’s just the sad longing part before Wangxian enters, but you’ll also notice that there are no flutes! Again, this is not the piece Wei Ying wrote; it’s just what I used for the description.

I didn’t link to the YouTube video I was watching, because the video was a collection and this didn’t come on until after minute thirteen. But that video just has this very sad tunnel that looks like maybe it’s for a train, and the rain is falling, and that makes me cry as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHl4NVytGpo&t=1074s

Book featuring Ndidi O - Hold On, I'm Coming

Wait, you’re saying, this is not electronic/house/ambient at all; this is just a trick to get me to watch one of your favorite wangxian vids! You’re right! But frankly, I was not focused on the genre when describing the music; I was focused on getting the feel of it that I wanted. The opening sequence to this was what I used to describe the track they make love to. (Lan Zhan starts making out with him and kind of slowly humping him to the track with the wangxian remix, but then Lan Zhan demands he plays something else, and this is what I listened to to get the feel for it.)

This pieces is a cover, and frankly, I can’t find out much about it. But just thinking about it turns me on and makes me cry and makes me feel so much, I can’t do it too often.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross – “In Motion,” from soundtrack to The Social Network

As noted above, this piece inspired sex.mp3, but I will say that the article I linked above about this piece, as well as the memory of the soundtrack itself, inspired descriptions more than listening to the piece itself. In the fic, sex.mp3 is initially described as “violent.” This was because I didn’t know if the track would play a big part in the fic, and then when it did, I really had to change to both to fit the meaning and the flavor I wanted; it became “anxiety inducing,” and that’s when it became “In Motion.” “In Motion,” however, is kind of too bright and peppy to really be sex.mp3, though I will say I was trying to listen to it just to write this section of the post, and I had to turn it off. It makes me SO anxious.

Philip Glass – soundtrack to The Hours

I’m linking the whole soundtrack, because in the fic Lan Zhan writes several related pieces, which is what this soundtrack is. I can’t even recommend one piece on this soundtrack, because it’s the thing as a whole that really makes you cry, and I can’t say I listened to a specific part of it to describe Lan Zhan’s music, because I know it so well that I only have to listen to a small piece to get all of it.  

Flowing Water, played by Chen Leiji

The part this played in the fic is obvious. I listened to at least five versions of Flowing Stream/Flowing Water, and this is the one that I like the best. However, like all the renditions I listened to, the piece eventually becomes pretty complex and different than I wanted for Lan Zhan. In fact, what the narration describes as “showing off technique” is what I found in all recordings of this piece. I guess if you’re going to play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” on YouTube you’re going to do something impressive with it, but I will say this piece is still very close to what I wanted.

I will also say that when I searched for this piece, as well as several other traditional songs, the search results had a lost of stuff that said you can listen to these pieces for tranquility and calm and meditation. I suggest listening to this one as extremely passionate and longing, and you’re going to get a lot more from it. If you resign it to the background, yeah, it’s kind of nice. If you let each note really speak to you, you’re going to really ache in a beautiful way.

Brian Eno – Ambient 1, Music for Airports

After hearing so much about Eno and Music for Airports, I was a little afraid I wouldn’t like it. After all, this isn’t really my genre, and witness how long it took me to find something I liked by Aphex Twin. However, I really needed some inspiration for the piece Wei Ying composes after Lan Zhan breaks them up, so I started listening to it.

The opening to this album is not the heartbreaking thing that the fic describes. It in fact does break my heart, but that is because there is something so sweet about it, lonely and sweet, but also perfectly fine being by itself. This piece is like a child alone in a room, figuring out blocks. This piece is like a cat on a piano, content with its nonsense noise. This piece is what it’s like to be alone and to be fine with that, to love from afar and be fine with that. It still brings me to tears, listening to it.

Radiohead – Everything in its Right Place

Apparently I did not succeed in writing all the music without Radiohead. I will say it happened because I happened to be watching a TV show that just happened to use this song right when I needed something powerful. I was already thinking about them, because my BFF was listening to a podcast about In Rainbows, which explains the children shouting “Yay!” in 15 Step. I really wanted something other than rain to get sampled in Wei Ying’s music, and my brother has specifically used his children talking or his babies crying as samples. Once Lan Zhan knows about A-Yuan, I wanted to use that idea, so I listened to 15 Step again, which is far too peppy for what I needed. But then Everything In Its Right Place came on, and it’s actually way too melancholy for what I needed, but that doesn’t really matter; I just needed to get a few notes described, so this is what I used for inspiration for what Wei Ying plays Lan Zhan after he admits to being in love with him. I will just say that re-listening to this song really does remind me of just how much Kid A means to me, but also how much it means to, like, music. There was really nothing like it at the time.

-

I will end this post by saying that I am not, in fact, a "music" person. So many people need and rely on music to get them through tough times. I mostly don't care about it. I don't have a Spotify account, and I can't imagine taking the time to really curate playlists.

But one thing I can say about me and my tastes is that I'm interested in learning. I want to try new things and hear things that I haven't heard before. To be a little self-aggrandizing, I think that that's a good thing. I think it makes me a better person to work on listening to things that I'm a little unfamiliar with and learn what's great about them. I think I got to do that quite a bit writing this, even though in the end I used a lot of pieces I was familiar with to do the actual writing. I hope that maybe someone reads this and decides to listen to something new, just like I did.

[akazzzaa]

hey there. I hope you are doing well and having a nice day or night.

this is my first request made and i read some of your writings which is really cool.

Anyway, I was hoping if you can do the Hashiras (you can chose which hashira) and/or Kamaboko squad member(s) reacting to reader who is childish in a way and doesn't take things seriously in a way. Though when it comes to slaying demons/having to go to a hashira meeting, the reader becomes more serious and their tone of voice changes. Which surprises (hashira/kamaboko squad member).

Hello thank you! I'm having a good day and I hope you are too : ) Thank you for enjoying my writing!

Summary- Reactions to reader being childish then serious when the situation calls for it

Genre- Fluff

Warnings- None

Tengen Uzui

Tengen is amused by the your silliness, finding it endearing and refreshing. He appreciates your lighthearted nature and you both can be silly together. However, as he spends more time with you, he begins to see the depth and strength hidden behind your playful facade. This realization intrigues him, and he becomes increasingly drawn to your serious side. As their relationship deepens, he finds their balance of silliness and seriousness to be a perfect complement to his own personality.

Shinobu Kocho

She appreciates your ability to bring lightheartedness into such a cruel world. However, one day, during a mission, when your goofiness temporarily fades as you both face a life-threatening situation. Shinobu is pleasantly surprised by your sudden shift to a serious and determined attitude, which only deepens her admiration for your resilience and strength.

Kyojuro Rengoku

Kyojuro Rengoku initially finds your silly antics quite amusing. He appreciates your lighthearted spirit and even shares a few chuckles and remarks. However, when your demeanor suddenly shifts to seriousness, Kyojuro is taken aback but also deeply impressed. He admires your ability to adapt and be focused when the situation demands it, and he finds your balance of playfulness and determination to be endearing. In those moments, he sees a unique strength in you that he truly respects.

Giyu Tomioka

Giyu Tomioka is initially taken aback by your silly and carefree nature, finding it hard to understand your lighthearted approach to life. He often sighs at your antics. However, one day, during a particularly dangerous mission, your sudden seriousness and determination in the face of danger surprises Giyu, making him appreciate your strength and dedication even more.

Tanjiro Kamado

Tanjiro Kamado finds your silliness endearing but perplexing. He admires your ability to find joy in even the most dire situations. But when you reveal your true depth and seriousness, Tanjiro is impressed by your inner strength and determination. He realizes that beneath the playful exterior, you possesses a strong sense of purpose and unwavering resolve, deepening his respect and admiration for you

Zenitsu Agatsuma

Zenitsu Agatsuma often finds himself playing along with you and you both get to have a lot of fun together. He starts to appreciate your ability to bring joy and laughter into his life when everyone and everything seems so scary and serious for him. One day, when you suddenly becomes serious and focused on a demon, Zenitsu is taken aback by your sudden determination and strength. He realizes that beneath your silly exterior, there's a hidden reservoir of courage, which inspires him to be more serious and resolute when it truly matters.

Inosuke Hashibira

Inosuke Hashibira initially finds the your silliness irritating and confusing. He often wonders why you don't take things more seriously. However, over time, he starts to appreciate your lightheartedness and realizes that it brings balance to his intense personality. Eventually, he becomes more open to your silliness and even joins in on your antics, creating a unique bond that allows both of you to express your serious and silly sides when needed.

Thank you! Hope you enjoy!

[k0dster]

OK question, who is everyone personal favorite, well written, mentally ill character?

Bc to this day nobody has topped Lucas Baker for me. I was kind of thinking about this Re7 au I had with an old friend today and started thinking about him again. Capcom has always done such a wonderful job with writing their characters, but something about Lucas makes me think about him every once in awhile.

It's hard to explain in words but the way he was written is just so scary. Not because he's got a bunch of molded henchmen and that creepy barn, but because he's so unpredictable and yet so smart and tactical. The kids a genius and shows it all throughout the game and his DLC, but he's also probably got some form of severe schizophrenia that has clearly gone untreated for near his whole life. He's incredibly smart and resourceful though - as in most cases - is limited by his mental illness.

I almost feel bad for him. He's smart, talented, "gifted" if you must, though clearly limited by who I'm guessing to be Jack. There's a whole little story in game that really stuck out to me, when you're in Lucas's old room looking through his old journal entries he writes about Marguerite taking him for what I assumed was probably an MRI or maybe a CT scan of his head showing she clearly thought something was wrong with him. In an entry pretty close to that one he talks about his friend, Oliver, who keeps messing with him so he locks him in the attic. He talks about how he could hear him banging and screaming for help for about a day before he stopped and was eventually presumed dead to Lucas after he started to be able to smell his corpse. (I actually feel as crazy as him rn I can't find it but ik somewhere there's a document talking about how bad the smell was to him. I almost wanna say he talked about something dripping from the attic too on the same page but idk maybe i made that up)

The whole thing was a clear episode and I almost wanna pressume it happened before the doctors visit. Though that isn't really the point, I think alot of his issues stem from Jack. Not because he's ill too, but because he doesn't take it seriously. I live in the south myself and the stigma around men and their mental health here is so awful I don't even wanna start to imagine what it would do to a kid with schizophrenia who's dad choses to ignore it. I personally think Lucas would have grown up to be alot better of a person, hell, he might not have been in the house he was so well off if Jack had taken the time to acknowledge him. From just the look of the house and the way he acts in the daughter's (?? Sorry i seriously haven't played this game in almost a year) DLC really gives me that 'man of the house' 'men don't have feelings' kinda feel. I can only assume, the only other people in their home being women, that Jack really tried to drill that mentality into Lucas and completely glanced over Marguerites worries about him.

"Untreated schizophrenia can cause severe problems that affect many areas of life. It can disrupt how the brain works, interfering with thoughts, memory, senses, and behaviors. This can lead to difficulties in daily life, such as trouble organizing thoughts and behaving in ways that increase the risk of injury or illness." Which would explain Lucas's entire character during the game- minus the mold.

Ik this isnt my usual posting and an absolute yap fest but I seriously needed to talk about him again. He's so well written it makes me wanna foam at the mouth.

[winterwhisperz-blog]

Hey me again ☾ ! Hope you're still up for asks cause I really like your writing & I got some ideas >:) (the obsession with this game is real yo). Do you think you could write something with a MC who enjoys cooking and testing recipes + making the LI taste their dish please ? 👀👉🏽👈🏽

We know Vere likes cooking too so maybe some interactions with him would be cute (Him and MC being an absolute menace in the kitchen but still managing to make a tasty meal bwahaha).

Thanks & have a great day <3

This came exactly at the right time— BRO THE WRITING SLUMP IVE BEEN IN?? Siiigh, it’s been tragic. (Also I get the brain rot, the hold this game has is crazy) also i’m so happy you like my writing 😭 and I hope you have a great day too !!

NOW

this did take me awhile because uHHHHH I don’t know anything about food. When I do remember to eat it’s usually cottage cheese and chocolate (not together, obviously- I’m not crazy 🥺)

SO

Here was my plan okay

I have a huge map in my room and I stared at it like this: 🧍🏻‍♀️ and picked about 17? Countries and put them in a spinning wheel. I chose a TS LI and then span said wheel—and whatever it lands on, MC a makes a dish inspired by the meals there (does that make sense ??)

I might’ve made it too complicated but it was fun-

Warnings: None, vere is just vere. Very possibly ooc, creative liberty.

Notes: Fluff, GN mc. Not proofread and finished at 1 am.

LES START WITH AIS

Ais(Boeuf bourguignon (Beef burgundy)

ALR SO, this was originally Vere’s, but I was having creative difficulties—so I changed this to Ais’. This dish is from France!

So, this one, I think Ais is already hanging out with you (he’s lonely ): )

He’s been having a ROUGH time okay, and so you decide to try out a new recipe on him

One you think he’d like.

Instantly, this man is sauntering into your kitchen, hugging you from the back as he watches what you’re doing. He’s quiet for the most part, just curious as you mix and add ingredients.

He snatches a few as well, and you let him until you’re going to be short on ingredients.

As you stop his hand from picking a chopped carrot, he looks nearly comparable to a scolded dog that was caught counter-surfing.

“Wait just a moment, I’m making this for you, you know.”

Smirking, he reaches for the carrot again. “Ah, should be allowed this then,”

As you swat you wooden spoon at his knuckles, he quickly steals one last carrot before offering his hands up in surrender.

You banish him to the counter, where he returns to watching, (he’s the pretty girlfriend that sits on the counter as you cook omg)

Once you’ve finished, you serve the red stew along with some boiled potatoes, placing it in front of the ever so patient Ais (who definitely didn’t find a way to sneak a bit more snacking in)

You eat in silence for awhile, before you notice how Ais’ eyes keep flickering to you. A brow furrowed.

“Something wrong? Does it taste funny? I thought I followed the recipe—“

He lightly shakes his head, swallowing a mouthful of the stew.

“No, not that. It’s…good, really good.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

He draws a hand over his chin, pondering his words. Or, deciding whether or not to say something. “There a reason you made it for me?”

You didn’t expect him to catch on. You commonly make things for him, for everyone, really. But today was different. Special. You had been noticing the drop in Ais’ mood, the added weight to his steps and the tiredness in his eyes. You made this in hopes to cheer him up, but also to see if it’d get him to talk about what was bothering him.

“You’ve just…you look like you’ve been having a bad day.”

He lapses back into silence, chewing on another spoonful. “I don’t want you to think you need to take care of me.”

You freeze, readying a retort before he continues.

“But…thank you.”

You stir your stew, swallowing. “You’re welcome.”

Another silence, before Ais chuckles. “Stew could’ve used more carrots though.”

WEEEEEEEEEE

He’s such a brat, I love him.

ALR, Now unto Leander !

Leander/Kjøttkaker (Meatballs) sided with Brunost(Brown cheese)

Alright, Leander got Norway. I was originally just going to go for meatballs, but then I saw this brown cheese ?? And though it’s not cheese cheese, I thought it’d be fun since Leander likes cheese platters.

You’ve been feeling rather ambitious lately, and decide to take on your biggest task yet: cooking for all the bloodhounds.

It didn’t seem like a bad idea, since you’ve always loved cooking for people. But it’s already proving to be a harder task than anticipated, as Eridia certainly doesn’t seem to be the home of the freshest ingredients.

One morning searching through rotten vegetables was enough to get you discouraged. You managed to find scraps of fresh-enough spices, but if you wanted more, it would come down to stealing from one of the richer streets. And you definitely weren’t in the mood for that today.

All you really wanted to do was take a bath and get that rotten smell off you.

Popping your back, you sigh before stepping into the bar, avoiding the bustle of the bloodhounds as you make for the stairs.

“MC!”

Turning around, you spot Leander, waving at you from the bar-counter. And that’s when you see crates of crates of vegetables, milk, cheese, and meat. Stunned, you walk over, fingers picking through the vegetables—they’re fresh, fresher than you expected from this place. And the meat, milk, cheese—

“How did you?—“

You had told Leander you wanted to make dinner tonight, before you left- you didn’t expect him to go looking for ingredients.

“—how did you get all these?” You finish, picking up a jar of pearly white milk.

Leander only smiles, leaning forward on the counter. “I know somebody. Will these be enough?”

Avoiding the truth, you had grown to expect that from him. If you had more energy you would’ve prodded. Instead, you put down the milk and run a bandaged hand across your face. “Yeah, I think so—well,” you glance around at the full tables of bloodhounds, all probably starved from work and life down in low-town. At your furrowing brows, Leander straightens, looking ready to March back out the door and come back with another crate.

“No, never mind. This is perfect, thank you.”

Thankfully, it was enough to manage. And with Leander’s help, you were able to go up to bathe as he watched over the food. To reward him, you decide to also make brown cheese. And though it’s not cheese cheese, it was enough to get Leander’s face to light up. Especially when he managed to convince you to unwrap your bandages and feed him a slice or two.

Though, you’re still rather confused on where he got everything 🤨 and why he didn’t get you earlier so you could’ve avoided searching through rotten veggies. Thankfully, your hard work also came with the entire bloodhounds seeing you as some holy entity after finishing dinner.

Kuras: Cōng yóubǐng (Scallion Pancake)

Kuras got China, and with this one—I was able to find a few videos on it. And now I want to eat it—though I cannot cook whatsoever <333

So so so so, with this one, I imagine you get the idea because like…people have brought this up before—but does Kuras even like…eat? Do angels…need to eat?

And maybe you notice how very little, or not at all he seems to eat. And how much he just -works- and goes off into places you can’t follow and comes back from the wastelands. Does he even sleep either?

So one day, you decide to make something for him. You’ve made things for others before, your friends, maybe family, before things went wrong. You don’t really know why you hadn’t made him anything before. But hey! Now’s better than never.

You settle on something not too filling, and something he could snack on during the day. Something he could take out to eat in between patients and with him wherever he goes and refuses to tell you.

Scallion pancakes. You wake up earlier than usual to make them, once finished, instantly rushing over to his clinic so they’re still warm when he eats them. The early morning sends a chill down your cheeks—shivering, you wrap the swathe of cloth holding the pancakes into your cloak, praying it doesn’t get cold.

You narrowly miss a patient exiting the door, looking dull and tired. You nod your head in acknowledgment before rushing inside. “Kuras?”

You find him in the process on shutting the door, golden eyes widening slightly in shock before softening. “MC, are you well?”

You nod, unraveling your cloak to reveal the swathe of cloth. “I…uh, made you breakfast.” Holding it out to him, you watch as his expression turns mildly perplexed. Warm hands closing over yours as he slowly takes it from you.

Like it’s some kind of curious artifact, he unwraps the cloth and stares at the stack of flakey pancakes. He lifts it to his nose, taking a few sniffs. Humming, he then gives you a small smile.

“It smells delicious.”

He then doesn’t eat it, instead, the silence stretches on as the two of you stand there. After a few moments, you awkwardly shift on your feet.

“Is there something the matter?” Kuras asks, tilting his head.

“I didn’t poison it, or anything,” You say, gesturing to the stack.

He lets out a small, quiet chuckle. “I would hope not.”

“So uhm…you can eat it.”

blinking, Kuras raises a brow, golden eyes piercing the dim light of morning. “Eat it?”

You nod, feeling more confused. He recovers quickly, slowly putting it to his mouth. Then someone sneezes behind you and you whip around to see a patient, red-eyed and sniffling.

By the time you turn back, Kuras is wrapping the pancakes back up. “I’ll be right with you,” he says, giving you a nod as his hand comes to your shoulder. “Thank you for bringing me Breakfast—are you in need of anything else?”

You blink, feeling a little frustrated. “No, that was all.”

Though it didn’t go as planned, later that day when hanging out with Ais, you hear about how when he was helping around the clinic, Kuras would take a few bites of a stack of some kind of garlic-smelling pastries.

You would receive a thank you note also requesting another stack the following day.

Mhin: Vitumbua (coconut rice pancakes)

Mhin, got Tanzania :D and with this, I wanted to find something still sweet since they like desserts! Thus, Vitumbua! Also these look so good, I want them so bad )): (I also wanted to add that there’s different kinds of these !! Made in different countries with different names and such, these are just specifically Tanzanian coconut rice pancakes.)

Also I apologize if this time around I seem more scattered-this writing slump is eating me alive 🤗

Okay okay, this one actually makes me so happy cause I think it’s cute- these are also kinda pancakes—and you made them for Mhin to take with them on their patrols.

Every moment making you think of them more.

How they’re doing, if they got enough sleep, if they’re even sleeping and not out killing soulless. You hope that somehow, these make things easier for them. And remind them how much you care. Especially since you’re losing sleep baking for them.

Once the heavy dark night is lifted into a sulking grey, you stack the rice pancakes into a box and head for outside.

Before Mhin can leave, you catch them, offering the cute little box, wrapped with bow and all. You had been up all night baking them, along with a caramel sauce to top it all off.

“What is this?” They ask, tentatively reaching for the box.

You scrub at your eyes, trying not to yawn. “Just a little something warm to remind you of me~” You sing-song, wiggling your brows at them. Chuckling as a blush skates across their pale face.

“I don’t…need anything,” they mutter, glancing away. Shy rays of morning light casting shadows over their features.

“Of course you don’t, but I thought you’d like it anyway.”

Grumbling, they hide the box in their cloak. “…Thanks.”

You cup a hand over your ear, humming. “Huh, what was that?”

“I said…thanks.”

“Hmm, sorry, seems something is plugging my ears!”

They clear their throat, “I said—“ they stop, eyes narrowing. “Don’t press your luck.”

Laughing, you fold your arms, trying to ignore the chill. “Alright, alright. If you end up wanting more, come get me okay? I can show you how to make them.”

They open their mouth, evidently going to ask what ‘them’ are, but you’re already heading back, stretching your arms over your head in a loud yawn. “Have fun on your patrol, say hi to the kitties for me!”

Once you’ve left, Mhin gives the box one more curious look before peeling open the lid. Inside, are ten golden, round pastries resting alongside a jar of bronze sauce.

Gingerly lifting one with their fingers, they take a slow bite. The chilly air of the dreary morning melting in a blooming sweetness. Swallowing, they feel a blush creep over their neck.

You were right, they really were warm.

Somehow, even when killing soulless, or after an annoying, unwanted conversation with Vere, one bite of the rice pancakes made them feel a bit lighter.

And, though they would never admit it, it reminded them of you.

Vere(Spaghetti/Caprese Salad)

So like I said with Ais, this was originally his— but I switched them. These dishes are from Italy!

Okay okay, so something I think would be really cute is Vere not only tasting your new recipes, but helping you to prepare it

Like for spaghetti sauce, maybe you prefer to peel your tomatoes first, and Vere, who was on his way to annoy you, caught the curious smell of fresh vegetables, (or fruit, since uhhh tomatoes) and spots you carefully peeling the ruby skin

Your face is locked in concentration, unknowingly sticking out your tongue as you gingerly avoid cutting your fingers.

It’s such a goofy expression Vere can’t help but stare at you with a hand covering his chuckles—until of course, he can’t resist the urge to scare the crap out of u 😇

Too caught in your work to notice anything amiss, Vere skulks closer until peering over your shoulder, lightly grazing his jaw over the side of your neck. He opens his mouth to whisper something in your ear but—

Taken by surprise, you yelp, squeezing the life out of the tomato you were peeling. It explodes over the both of you, shooting it’s guts very impolitely across your faces.

Vere reels back, a hiss of disgust escaping his lips as he blindly searches for something to clean the tomato remains off his face. He reaches for you and you swat him away.

“Idiot,” He seethes, finding an abandoned wash cloth.

“You were the one that scared me!”

“Still jumpy, hmm? I don’t know how you’ve lasted so long in this pig sty.”

Flicking tomato off your face, you snatch the wash cloth from his fingers. “With you constantly breathing down my neck? It’s a mystery to me too.”

Though you sound irritated, your hands still carefully reach for his face, gently wiping away the spots he missed. When he flinches, you soften your expression. “I forgive you. Come on, you got some on your neck.”

Slowly, but softly, Vere relaxes, though he still watches you with that same confused look he gives every time you offer affection.

It doesn’t take long for his fingers to caress your cheeks, sweeping off the tomato juice and then licking it off his fingers. Eyes taking on a devilish glint.

Hand it to Vere for making cleaning tomato guts off your face seem sensual

Eventually though, you do return to cooking. Vere helping you with peeling, chopping up basil, (sneaking extra spices into the sauce) and stirring the noodles.

Once everything is made, including an extra salad, you find a secluded spot to eat everything. Vere’s eyes watching your face the entire time.

“Do I still have tomato guts somewhere?” You ask, lifting a hand to check your cheeks.

Vere props his chin on his palm. “Did you know you stick your tongue out when you’re focusing?”

“I do not.”

“It’s so cute,”

“You’re just making stuff up so you can make fun of me.”

“I don’t have to make things up to do that, sweetheart.”

You toss your napkin at his face.

————-

Alr, we have reached the end. I am, so so sorry for taking two thousand centuries. Again, thank you so so much for the ask <3 though I took forever, these were fun !!

I hope you take a really good nap, eat your favorite snack, and try something new !! (Also you should totally search these dishes up, they all look so good !!)

[dyemelikeasunset]

Hello! I hope life is treating you well. I wanted to ask: what's your approach to developing your characters' inner lives? Dom and Mor read so organically when it comes to their careers, friendships, and dynamic with each other, and it's really fun and engaging to read.

Thank you!!

I want to preface this saying that my method won't work for everyone, but I hope talking about it helps you discover some new things to try

When approaching my characters' inner lives and identities, I often start from a place of personal connection. Many of my characters are based on an amalgamation of myself and people I've known. I don't prioritize "writing what I know," but I start from a place of empathy, with a very nose-to-the-ground perspective. It helps remind me of their humanity. It really, really comes down to humanity. Not every writer is required to be this way, but I know that I personally can't ignore the humanity of the people I write, and I think my goal is to show nuanced experiences that reflect that well

Even in their jobs, I chose professions that are already my passion and hobbies, that I enjoy learning and know enough about so that I had a jumping off point. It made research a lot less overwhelming, and more focused on checking details, rather than learning about an entire industry I'm a newcomer to. But more importantly, I actually try to focus more on the person behind the career. In my current arc for Fashion Month, for example, I've gotten some messages and comments that implied people are expecting the glamour and fun outfits of fashion week, but I'm already 2/3 through the arc and most of the focus has continued to be on the characters' lives and humanity, identity, and struggles behind that facade. It comes back to humanity. Who are they behind all that? That's a more important question to me

Interpersonal relationships also feed back into that, as so much of our lives are defined by other people. I think through what another character means to my main character, how they affect them, what role they play in each others' lives, etc. Even family trees, even if the audience never sees the full picture, I do that work behind the scenes so I know what their childhoods were like, what their place in their families were, what kind of friends they made, their schooling, everything. It helps make sense of the person they became

And again, humanity. I'm writing a very insular story that primarily revolves around two characters so I can afford to really dig my teeth into them and do this much detail work. So I wanna say again-- my method might not be for everyone, but it is my approach, and part of what I think makes my characters feel vivid. They are human to me, they are alive because I am putting in that amount of work to make them exist outside of the fiction too

[dragonfly0808]

Riven: The Thesis

TW: ALLUSIONS TO AND MENTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE

First things First

If you checked out my Fate rant, smth that truly pissed me off was how they made Riven just straight up unlikable, an ass and low-key a villain.

To me, Riven’s story was always one about how you can change for the better. That it’s okay to be a bit of a prick as a teen cause you’re just a teen and you still have time to grow and change.

So you can imagine my frustration when in the OG, Riven’s character arc was pretty much reset at the start of every season, especially when I feel that they did a great job at showing Riven’s introspection and his wish to change in s1, all for nothing.

And thus… my version of Riven was born.

I tried very hard in s1 to give him a hard shell and a few outbursts but still showing that he’s got a soft heart deep down and is really only lashing out due to how he’s always depended on only himself to survive. And I think I did a pretty good job at that if I do say so myself.

And post s1 we see Riven slowly learn to lower his guard and realize that he’s not on his own anymore. He has a few slip ups because obvs he’s not gonna magically be great at communication but he gets there eventually.

Shirley Holmes and Riven Watson

So, I think that, aside from Tecna, Riven was prob the one that benefited the most story-wise in the changes I made to his family.

Riven has pretty much no one. His dad is very abusive and never truly cared for him and his mom left when Riven was about eight years old, leaving him not only on his own, but to take care of his five year old sister, Shirley.

I gave Riven a little sister to give him even more reasons to have his guard up, because it’s not just his own back he has to watch out for, but he has a sister that depends on him. Shirley herself tells the squad that Riven pretty much raised her on his own.

I love writing these two, who only had each other growing up and are so very close. Up until the age of fifteen, Shirley only ever really trusts her brother.

I think that dynamic adds a lot to Riven’s character. Showing that he is a really caring and protective person, even in the worst of circumstances he always did his best to keep Shirley not only safe but also happy.

Nothing Good Starts in a Getaway Car

Yep, we’re talking bout Darcy.

In my version of events, it would not have made sense for Riven to ever trust Darcy out of nowhere, due to how high he has his guard and the fact that he’s not dumb.

How did I chose to solve this?

Well… Darcy and Riven were childhood friends and had planned to runaway together before Darcy betrayed him, took the money and ran. He knew her as Jennie, his best friend.

Riven only ever had her. Of course he’s got Shirley but… it’s different cause Shirley is his responsibility, while Jennie helped him steal and do whatever they had to do to survive.

Their relationship is def a tragic one due to the fact that they truly loved each other and had each others backs for so long and they were oh so very close to making it, to running together and starting a new life.

But then… Darcy meets the Trix and makes the choice of leaving Jennie behind, which included betraying Riven when they’re fourteen and so close to running.

This is obvs another reason why Riven is especially prickly when we meet him in s1, a betrayal like that was bound to make him even more angry at the world.

But again, Riven is incredibly protective and, once he loves someone, that means he’s also loyal to them, and Riven isn’t someone who stops loving easily. And so… he trusts Darcy. And it nearly costs him his life.

But this is also the thing that truly makes him realize that he doesn’t want to keep on like this. That he wants to change and let his friends in. That he wants to let go of his anger before it consumes him the way it did Jennie… Darcy.

You Don’t Have to be Sorry, for Leaving and Growing Up (Matilda is low-key a Riven song) 

A big thing for me about Riven, especially early on was, again, showing his softer side mainly through Flora, Shirley, Timmy and even Darcy.

His rougher side is on full display in his arguments with Sky.

At the end of s1, something happens that allows Riven to finally be safe enough to lower his guard and start growing, he moves in with his maternal grandparents along with Shirley. And, while it takes both of them a while to trust their grandparents, once they do, Riven can finally, finally, focus on himself for the first time in his life.

He develops a close relationship with his grandma, and starts doing some introspection (with help from Flora and Helia) and starts working on himself.

A big help in this is Musa, who also struggles a lot with letting herself be vulnerable.

Now, this journey of Riven’s is not smooth sailing because you can’t just snap your fingers and undo years of abuse and survival instincts, but he works hard on it and we can see that through his relationships.

Season 2 is Riven learning to be vulnerable and fully trusting his friends. His nicknames are kinda a way to let the squad know how important they are to him, he allows himself to be more goofy and more relaxed and comfortable in his own skin.

He struggles the most with Musa due to the fact that, before a relationship, there is a friendship. He and Musa find themselves being vulnerable with one another, which is huge for the two of them. But as they grow closer, Riven is reminded of his relationship with Darcy and finds himself pulling away.

He eventually makes this right but it was very important for me to have him stumble a bit in his relationship with Musa at least at the beginning cause my boy has Darcy PTSD kay? And that was not going to go smoothly if we’re realistic.

Season 3 was for Riven fully coming into his own, embracing what little magic he has (which he never did before cause he got his magic from his father that he hates so yeah…) and just fully getting a good grade in communication something that is both possible to achieve and normal to want.

In season 3 it’s mainly Musa who struggles with communication, which makes them both struggle but they work through it, this time as a couple. Wooooo. Hoorah for two traumatized kids learning how to communicate in a healthy way!

Thoughts Behind his Main Relationships

Helia

These boys are two sides of the same coin.

They both have had anger issues and, surprisingly enough, Helia was a lot more violent than Riven ever was since Riven had a better hold on his anger due to facing major consequences (*cough* *cough* his dad *cough* *cough*) but they bond over trying to better themselves.

Riven learns to meditate with Helia and occasionally even paints with him. Helia learns to fix stuff with Riven and they both love the routine that comes with being Specialists second only to Brandon so they often do work-outs and bets with each other.

Their friendship is one of very different yet similar lives. They get each other in a: we’ve both come face to face with the darkest versions of ourselves and came out on top, we’ve both hit rock bottom and we’re both working on figuring out how to be better.

They’re both very aware of their darker emotions but never judge the other for it. They both have nightmares regarding their pasts and they can open up because they know that they get one another.

Riven trusts Helia surprisingly quickly, seeing himself in the Wizard. The two can trust each other with their past and their shame, knowing they will only get full support from the other.

Musa

I always loved the idea of Rivusa but hated the original execution.

I really like the idea of two kids who have been so hurt by the people that were meant to protect them figuring out how to love each other. How to be open and trusting and just how to work as a couple.

Riven and Musa fall very slowly over the course of a year and a half, they get to know each other, be friends, quite crucially: they’re able to be vulnerable with each other. Which is huge for both of them.

And, when they realize that these feelings are serious and more than just a crush, they are both terrified.

I talk a bit more about Musa’s feelings on her thesis but for Riven, he’s terrified of being betrayed yet again. Of giving his heart just to have it shattered.

He’s also very afraid of Musa not wanting him if she learns more about his past and all the things he did to stay alive.

The part I love about this is that this means that even after they get together we get to see them fuck up. Because just because they’re together doesn’t mean they’re just going to forget years of trauma and having their walls up.

And, in my version, once they’re together, it’s Musa who fucks up by keeping secrets and not being able to bring herself to be vulnerable.

I think my fave part about writing these two is writing about how they grow together both as individuals and as a couple, how they learn to communicate and be vulnerable and realize that they are both here to stay and that this relationship is soft and safe and everything that they have been denied for so long.

That’s what this couple is to me. Two kids learning to love and not be afraid of it.

Flora

Riven and Flora are soulmates. I have no other word to describe their bond. Even soulmates doesn’t feel like it can fully encompass their bond and how important they are to one another.

They have similar fears and traumas, though they respond in wildly different ways. He can’t let himself be vulnerable, she can’t stand her ground. But they find each other and somehow, they start healing and growing together

Their bond is ‘there are people that you just have to meet in order to become the best version of yourself and I know that if I hadn’t met you I would never have been able to become my best self. There are people that just have something to teach you just by knowing them, there are people that love you so purely that you can do nothing but want to grow with them and teach each other so much just by existing together. And you know that if there are other lives, you’ve met them in every past life and will meet them in every future life because you own a piece of each others puzzles that you both need to complete yourselves.’

Their love is absolutely pure, I just love it and can’t quite find the words to describe just how special it is.

Who is Riven in this Rewrite?

Riven’s arc is one that I just have really loved to write. The story of an abused, angry boy that struggled to survive finally being safe and getting to work on himself and let go of that anger.

Riven is someone who has had to look out for himself his whole life, who always been pretty much on his own, the only people he trusted stabbing him in the back.

What is most important to me is that Riven is someone who refuses to let his past define him.

He gets the chance to go to Red Fountain after jumping and trying to rob one of the teachers (James) but, when he gets that chance, he decides to make the most of it, to make a good life for both himself and for his sister.

At his very core, the most important part of Riven’s character is that he is first and foremost, a protector.

He’s the big brother who took beatings to keep his baby sister safe. He stole for his sister and for Darcy to keep them both fed. He’s the boy who, before s1 even started made a friendship with Timmy and dared anyone to make fun of him.

He would do anything for his friends, for Helia, for Flora, for Musa and of course, for Shirley. Because once he gives even a small piece of his heart to someone, they have it for good. For better or for worse.

Riven is a boy growing into an amazing young man against all odds. He’s a boy who took the cards he was dealt with and made a royal flush.

Riven is someone who chose to let go of his anger and grow. He’s someone who decided to become someone he could be proud of.

——————

Masterlist

Riven Moodboard

Riven’s Instagram

Riven and Helia Moodboard

Riven and Musa Moodboard

Riven and Flora Moodboard

Shirley Moodboard

[deth-of-a-junkie]

i have a lot of postal dude headcanons, so ive split them up.

so heres my postal 1 dude headcanons

p1 dude has a special interest on the jets and weaponry used in ww2 and the vietnam war, but also the U.S military as a whole. he specifically likes to collect vintage U.S military memorabilia and propaganda. he can go on for hours about the faults of the government and government greed and corruption, he hates the system. he also knows a lot about JFK assassination theories and will go on for hours about them.

oh yeah. postal 1 dude is autistic.

he also has a spin on guns. he knows them all by name and loves to learn about different manufacturers and how each one are built. he knows how to deconstruct them and put them back together. he even has some guns he's made himself. legal? probably not. he doesnt care.

p1 dude also prefers reading in books for information instead of searching the web for them, so amongst the mess of his house is just piles upon piles of books.

p1 dude also is great at poetry. he loves writing too, which is why i think he started his diaries.

he also loves drawing! he loves going out and drawing scenery the most, he also likes drawing nude figures. he finds the human body to be interesting.

p1 dude is religious. im divided on if i see him as someone whos spiritually aligned closer to catholics (though i wouldnt call him a straight up catholic, he doesn't like the church.) or pagen.

talking about pagen dude, correct me if im wrong, i dont know much about pagenism (but ive been trying to learn more as of recent), but he specifically worships greek gods. out of the gods, his favorite is ares.

he hangs around poostall dude a lot. they arent really friends, they're kinda opposites of each other, but poostall looks up to him as a mentor in philosophy among other things.

he used to be active in his local punk scene when he was younger. he has a lot of cds and tapes of obscure bands that almost no one has heard of.

he loves metal more then anything though, and he also has a large collection of horror films (all on vhs, a few of dvd. he doesnt have his dvd player plugged in so he only uses it if he has too. also refused to buy blueray. if its the only option he burns it onto a disk himself.).

his favorite genres of metal are melodic death metal and prog metal. i would also say dsbm but i feel like thats too corny. he loves opeth. also death.

he's non-speaking most of the time by choice. the older he's gotten the more he started to isolate himself, and he usually chooses to ignore people when theyre talking and not respond at all, mainly just people who ask for directions and stuff on the street he'll just ignore. he just doesnt feel the need too, he likes to stay invisible.

talking about that, he hates leaving his house. it used to be because of anxiety but it slowly became due to his other mental health issues getting worse, especially his fear of everyone being out to get him/everyone else being demons/whatever your interpretation of his reasonings behind postal 1 is.

3 in one shampoo. also uses hand soap to shave instead of shaving cream. also uses hand soap to wash his face...

he needs glasses. his sunglasses also has his normal prescription lenses in them, his eyes are sensitive to light so he chose to make them sunglasses too (i believe this is possible. if its not, well it is now). he also has a 2nd pair that are just normal glasses, he uses them only to read or when he's walking around his house at night. (this is totally not me self reflecting with the realization that i just found out i need glasses..../s)

I DONT KNOW HOW I FORGOT TO MENTION but also has a special interest on nuclear disasters, nuclear power plants, and radiation. theyre not separate theyre all apart of one fixation that branches off the core idea of nuclear power. like he cant have one without the other. if that makes sense.

also uses he/they. he doesnt out right say it, he doesnt use social media so its not like, in a bio or anything. he just naturally picked it up. will also accept she being used to refer to himself, but is not something he states publicly or asks people to do. he was surrounded by the queer community growing up as most of his highschool friends were apart of the community so he just one day realized he wasnt opposed to it being used in reference to himself.

he is an ASSHOLE. he used to be more considerate in his youth but the older he got the grumpier he got. he is SCARY when he insults someone. like he will have an entire ass speech of him just degrading someone until they literally have nothing left to say for themselves.

doesnt get angry though. he's calm when hes upset and frustrated, or will straight up just make fun of and make harsh jokes about the situation (i mean that like. if he gets into a disagreement with someone on the street he will laugh at them and mock them by teasing them. thats what i mean.)