Once upon a time, Arjuna was scouting ahead of his army and walked on the shore seperating the continent from Lanka. He gazed over the sea, marveling at the ocean that the monkeys had built an entire bridge over to carry Lord Rama, just so he could rescue his wife. He marveled, and marveled; and then, suddenly, he scoffed. “An entire bridge!” He laughed. “And he needed a bunch of monkeys to do it for him! I suppose old heroes aren’t so great after all. I could build a bridge with just my arrows from my inexhaustible quiver, here. Monkeys nothing.”
At hearing this, an old monkey who was nearby came scurrying up. “Excuse me, did I just hear you say you were superior to Lord Rama?” the wizened old monkey asked, confused. “Darn tootin’,” Arjuna said anachronistically. The monkey started stomping the ground in anger. “No, no! You shouldn’t talk about Lord Rama like that! Besides, you’re not even smart. Maybe you could make a bridge for yourself with your arrows. But Lord Rama had to carry an entire monkey army with him.”
Arjuna says “Uh, no, I could do that.” The old monkey says “No, you couldn’t. Apologize to Lord Rama.” Arjuna says “He’s not even around, Monkey! And yes, I could! Frankly, you should be less worried about respecting a dead king and respect the man in front of you!” The old monkey says “Look, if you can make a bridge that could even hold up a frail old monkey like me, I’ll bow and scrape at your feet.” Arjuna says “You’re on, stupid old monkey.” So he shoots his arrows. Starts building a bridge. It’s impressive, for a bridge made out of arrows that are shot. And once it just gets going—-
The monkey suddenly isn’t an old monkey anymore. He’s turned giant—-he’s young—-he’s Hanuman himself! Arjuna looks terrified. Hanuman taps the bridge with his pinky toe and it falls to pieces. “Well?” Hanuman says, satisfied. Arjuna, who’s never allowed himself to be humiliated in his life, just starts building the bridge again. Hanuman breaks it again. This goes on for like an hour or something.
Eventually, while they’re doing this, Lord Krishna—-who you will remember, is Lord Rama himself!—-comes to both of them and says ‘what the hell is happening?’ They both explain what had happened, and Krishna shakes his head and corrects them. “Arjuna, you shouldn’t be so proud! Rama was a great king! Proper respect is important!”
And then he turns to Hanuman and says “Hanuman, Arjuna is a great prince and really important and stuff. Don’t make him feel bad. That’s just as bad. I know you promised to defend Rama [me] all the time but that doesn’t count here because Arjuna’s self esteem is soooOooo important. Pretty much the new main character, here.”
@anneemay God I hate the guy so much. Frat boy energy all over the place. That’s not even one of the bad stories, it’s one of the ones I can tell and keep things light. The bad stories are world historical crimes (Ekalavya etc)
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
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Tim, [pointing his staff at the human traffickers]: YOU ARE OUTGUNNED
Jason, [hyping him up]: WHAT?
Tim: OUTMANNED!
Jason: WHAT?!
Tim: OUTNUMBERED OUTPLANNED
Jason: PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!
Tim: PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN ON MY COMMAND
Jason: HAND EM OVER!!
Tim: THIS IS HAMILTON MY RIGHT HAND MAN!
Jason, [getting his guns out]: PWO PWO PWO PWO PWO-
Goons: *shaking* what the FUCK are Batman feeding his partners--
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