#what if we were sleeping and holding hands and we both were polar explorers

[suddenly-frankenstein]

the "Glorious First of June" ball in Hobart in 1841 was truly glorious, it seems. Terror and Erebus were each at her best.

but well, it also seems that social gatherings are quite tiresome for Captains Ross and Crozier – some more dancing rounds and they need a peaceful corner to rest their eyes a little from all the bright lights.

[kaziwi]

Don't Mention It

Character(s): Law

WC: 1,153

Summary: You and the crew celebrate Law's birthday...but not in the way he'd expect

Note: happy birthday law <3

Law slowly opened his eyes, waking up from a good nights rest. It was rare for the captain of the Heart Pirates to get his full 8 hours, but after Bepo had asked to cuddle he couldn't say no. The soft fur and warmth radiating from Bepo lulled him to sleep, and now he lied awake, way behind his schedule.

He knew what today was. His birthday. Law just never liked the idea of birthdays...and the memories that came with them. Each year he begged the crew not to mention it, and treat it as a normal day, but they always failed to do so. He hoped this year would be different.

Law quickly changed out of his pajamas and made himself look presentable. He could already hear the teasing from Shachi and Penguin for waking up late. As he left his quarters, he noticed the Polar Tang to be surprisingly quiet. He made his way to the kitchen and was shocked to see a whole buffet of food laid across the table. And the best part...there was no bread.

"Mornin Cap! Never thought I'd see the day when you slept in," Ikkaku teased as she washed the dishes. He didn't even notice her here.

"This is more breakfast than we usually eat...is it for...special occasion?" Law obviously knew this was for his birthday, but for some reason he wanted to hear someone else say it.

"Hmm, I don't think so...unless I'm forgetting something."

Oh...that was kinda weird...Ikkaku didn't mention it was his birththday. No matter, someone else was bound to eventually.

Law sat down and began to take some of the food that was spread across the table. In all honesty it was probably the best breakfast he'd ever eaten. He handed his plate to Ikkaku and began to make his rounds.

He had expected to see Shachi and Penguin goofing off, or having to fix something that Bepo messed up, but everything was perfect. The ship was at top maintenance and all of the chores were completed. When he had gone back to question Ikkaku about where everyone was, she said they had all gone out to the island they docked at to explore.

It's not like Law didn't enjoy the quiet, he basically begged for it everyday, but it just felt strange. He decided to use this opportunity to go to his room and read a new medical textbook he got. Hopefully that would help to pass the time.

Knock Knock

"Captainnnnnn open upppppp!!!"

Law didn't even know how much time had passes, but it seemed Shachi and Penguin were back from exploring the island. Law reluctantly let them in, knowing that they were going to make a big deal about it being his birthday now.

"Cap you will never believe what we found," Shachi started.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands okay, trust us," Penguin said excitingly.

Law let out a long sigh and indulged their request. Something was put in his hands. It wasn't too heavy...but it wasn't light either. He opened his eyes, and his jaw almost dropped. It was the limited edition Sora Warrior of the Sea art book. He could see how Shachi and Penguin's faces beamed at his reaction.

"I knew you'd like it Cap! We saw it while exploring today and knew we had to get it for you!" Penguin said while Shachi nodded in agreement.

"Wow this is...," Law started, "Amazing, thank you both.."

Caught up in the excitement of his new gift, Law almost forgot that this had to be a birthday gift, there was no way it wasn't.

"So, what prompted you to get this gift," Law questioned, "Was it because it's a special day today?"

"Is it? We just saw it and thought you'd like it," Penguin said, looking at Shachi.

"Yeah, I mean we can return it if you'd like," Shachi chimed in.

"No! No you don't have to. I really like it, thank you again," Law said with a hint of disappointment. Was it really a coincidence that they bought him this gift, or were they lying about not knowing it was his birthday. He ushered them out of his room and sat back his desk. There was no way the whole crew forgot it was his birthday....right?

Throughout the rest of the day, each one of the Heart Pirates made their way to Law's room and gave him a gift. Even Bepo came in with a bouquet of flowers (they were actually weeds) that he has picked just for Law.

Law was very appreciative of all the gifts, but was a little sad no one had said happy birthday yet. He knew each year he begged them not to, but now that they hadn't acknowledged it at all....he almost missed the attention.

It wasn't till later that night, after they had eaten his favorite dinner, made only entirely by "coincidence", that he got his first happy birthday.

Knock Knock

"Come in Y/N-ya," Law said, eyes not looking up from his book. He could already tell it was you, since you were the only one not to visit today.

You walked in, holding something behind your back.

"Happy birthday Captain," you said with a big smile. Law looked up, a little shocked by your words, and stared into your eyes.

"You..said it.."

"I mean, I'm sure you realized that all of the gifts, the ship being in tip top shape, and the food wasn't all a coincidence. Everyone wanted to make your day easier and fun! We just didn't want to mention it was your birthday since you always tell us not to....but I'm sure by now you figured it out."

Law really hadn't thought that all of these acts were for his birthday. He had a small suspicion, but without anyone confirming it he didn't want to get his hopes up.

"I know my gift isn't as big as everyone else's," you smiled sheepishly, "But I still hope that you'll like it!"

You handed a small box to Law as he took it with caution. He opened it up and gasped at it's contents.

Inside was about 40 collectors coins, all ones he didn't have in his collection.

"Y/N-ya...how...I mean.."

"I started finding them a few islands ago and decided to get as many as I could for your birthday! Everyone else also pitched in a little and gave one to me if they found one!"

He dumped the coins on his desk. Each one with a new island's name on it. Sabaody....Water 7....Alabasta...and even some places he hadn't even heard of.

"Thank you," Law said, a soft grin appearing on his face, "Tell everyone else I said thank you too."

"Of course Captain," you said as you left the room, eager to tell everyone that operation "Celebrate Law's birthday and also respect his wishes by not mentioning it" was a success.

[handfuloftime]

A playlist for Where the Dead Wait by Ally Wilkes. (Or: What if we were gay polar explorers resorting to cannibalism while trapped in the Arctic? No, not those ones, the other ones!)

Selected lyrics below.

Then:

Black Eyes - Shearwater No light on the western shore No sign of the ships at anchor No sound but the roaring winds No warmth but the life behind the eye

Ship in a Bottle - fin Oh, captain, let's make a deal Where we both say the things that we both really feel I feel scared and I'm starting to sink And I only sink deeper the deeper I think

Stripped - Depeche Mode Let me see you stripped down to the bone Let me hear you speaking just for me

Mouth of the Devil - Mother Mother You gotta hold me down You gotta hold me back Cause I might slip away Slip into the past

Come and See - Fox Apts. See the gore on his bootshine Where he's singing in the reeds He's borne the cold, bore it often He's wading in

Love Love Love - The Mountain Goats Love love is going to lead you by the hand Into a white and soundless place

Nautical Disaster - The Tragically Hip Our conversation is as faint as a sound in my memory As those fingernails scratching on my hull

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron I don't feel it till it hurts sometimes Oh, go on, baby, hurt me tonight I want ours to be an endless song Baby, in my eyes, you do no wrong

Now:

Jackie - Placebo I've been waiting all this time For my man to come Take his hand in mine And lead me away to unseen shores

Wretch - Autoheart Who will save a wretch like me? Just hold me to the ground

Phantom Limb - Seeming I can feel your phantom limb Yes you hold me from within I can see you clear and close Like a camera sees a ghost

Oh Ruin - You Are Wolf She moves like snowdrift She moves likes a cold breath in the air She's like a whisper Or maybe she was never really there

Black Eyes - David Wirsig Its black eyes find you almost at once You can't hide, swim away or take air into your lungs To scream for help that won't come

Cannibal's Hymn - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds Well, if you're gonna dine with the cannibals Sooner or later, darling, you're gonna get eaten But I'm glad you've come around here with your animals And your heart that is banging and beating And banging like a gong

The Ocean Is Your Voice - ThouShaltNot Oh, and the ocean is your voice It's howling, "Half my life is dead." And I am screaming bloody murder Breaking promises and bread

Seven Devils - Florence + the Machine You can't keep it out It's coming through the walls To devastate your heart And to take your soul

Replacement - She Wants Revenge No matter who is laying beside me All it does is make me wish it were you And if I close my eyes tight, I can almost pretend And for a moment it's as if it were true

You As You Were - Shearwater You can stand on the back of a shuddering beam With a pistol, firing shots into the air You could run in the blood of the sun’s hard rays You could drive the mountains down into the bay Or go back to the east where it’s all so civilized

The Eyes of Extinction - Seeming Come stare into the eyes of extinction with me And together we might see another burning of the dawn When it's empty up in heaven, there among the last debris Is the seed still green and tender of a life that's living on

The Hearts Filthy Lesson - David Bowie If there was only something between us Other than our clothes Something in our skies, something in our skies Something in our blood, something in our skies

Oh Death - Noah Gundersen Oh death Where is your sting

Frobisher Bay - Newman Sound Men's Choir And cold is the Arctic sea Far are your arms from me

Emerging - The Mountain Goats & John Vanderslice I will sail home again Concealed among the upright walking men To know that sleeping bodies hide Sweet things inside

[beccsssssss]

So I wanna thank everyone that interacted with this and gave me the boost I needed to get up and write something. I just wrote something a lil cute and fluffy to start with and of course, as always, if anyone wants anything in particular done for them, please feel free to hit me up. My writing hands are a lil slow on the uptake so it'll most likely be lil one shots for now like this one, but I hope you enjoy it if you read it, again thank you! ❤️

Astarion Fluff:

You clutched at your stomach, looking around desperately for your companions. You sorely wish you hadn't agreed to split up. You reminded yourself to berate whoevers idea that was later.

It wasn't looking so good for you right now. Everyone had agreed to explore different areas of the crypt, believing there to be few but manageable dangers. And now you'd been set upon by 3 undead crypt guardians. They had taken you by surprise and had managed to hit 2 out of 3 attacks, which was already seeing you a little worse for wear. Darkness creeped at the edge of your vision and blood coated your free hand. The metallic tang stinging your tongue. You had a split second to decide what you wanted to do, before the guardians mounted their next attacks. You mustered up all the strength you could and wild shaped into a bear. This would at least hopefully buy you a little time.

You cut a terrifying figure as your polar bear, and you attempted a swing at the nearest guardian who swiftly dodged. You cursed, letting out low growl. You didn't have time, however, as the three undead creatures advanced upon you backing you into a corner, they lunged at you, raining down vicious blows with their maces and axes. You howled in pain, your temporary life draining faster than you could heal. You could feel your hold on wild shape weakening. You were losing. You collapsed, panting, a deep rumbling in your chest.

At that moment, the door to the chamber flew open. Screams echoing in the large stone room. Your rescue party had arrived, Astarion stood front and centre. His eyes settling on your struggling polar bear. They widened in fear, a fear you'd never seen before. The guardians had paused their onslaught at the intrusion, only momentarily however as one resumed and stabbed a sword deep into your chest, causing you to return to original form with a scream. You collapsed to the ground again and watched while the darkness took hold. The last thing you saw was Astarion charging, blades drawn, screaming your name.

. . .

You could smell a campfire and something cooking. Your eyes fluttered weakly, struggling against the moonlight. Someone is sitting with their back to you, your guardian. "Astarion?" you croaked. You were healed, but you still felt like you'd been crushed by a 10 foot ogre.

Hearing your voice, Astarion whipped around. "You're awake! God's, I thought we'd lost you."

"You've not lost me yet." You try to laugh, but it turns into a dry cough. Threatening to burst your rib cage.

"Please, my dear, relax" Astarion runs a cool wet rag over your forehead. "You took quite the beating from those guardians. You're lucky we found you when we did."

You roll your eyes, "I was fine." You try not to grimace as the memory of a sword driving into you passes by. This time, Astarion rolls his eyes and scoffs at you. "Yes, darling absolutely fine."

"Well then next time-"

He cuts you off "Next time? No no no. Next time, you're coming with me, where I can keep an eye on you. Thank you." He rounds this off with a gentle tap on your nose.

You smile weakly. "Can I kiss you?" You ask.

"Darling, after the dreadful scare you gave me earlier, there's nothing I'd like more."

He leans in and gives you the gentlest of kisses. He stays close, nose touching yours.

"You are perfect, everytime" He says with a sigh.

"Will you stay with me?" You ask.

"My love, I am never leaving your side again."

He relaxes down beside you, pulling you in gently. He holds you while you sleep, both grateful to be alive.

not sure if anyone will read this, but i'm scared that my BG3/Astarion hyperfixation might be starting to fizzle out since i've completed the game twice by now but i really don't want it to

and so to kinda curb that I kinda wanna see if I can write some Astarion fanfic but 1. i don't know if it'll be good enough and 2. i know i should just do it for me, but i literally probably won't do it at all unless i think there's a chance people might read it. so i don't know

i don't even know if this makes sense, but i'm sure there will be people who understand this train of thought, happy to hear other peoples thoughts.

[lovebaela]

Ice & Fire ༄ Pt. 10 (Bran Stark x Targaryen oc fanfic)

⋇ Chapter 10: A Night in the Sky ⋇

(Imagine going on a dragon flying date with Bran 🌌)

┌─────── ∘°∘♡∘°∘ ───────┐

(a/n) I was listening to music as I wrote this and ocean drive was playing, it was such a vibe tbh😫. This is a pretty short chapter, I hope you enjoy! I already have the wedding chapter done so that might be published later tonight😉.

└─────── °∘∘♡∘∘° ───────┘

Tsireya’s POV

As the months went by, the closer the wedding was approaching. I was happy, but I couldn’t help but be nervous. Overall, I knew that I would be happy as long as I was by Bran’s side and his by mine. Little Finger helped with the invitations, inviting the great houses of the North for the meeting.

That night, in my sleep, I dreamt of something horrible. I saw King’s Landing burning, the people were burning too. I was so stressed out, I visited Bran’s chamber and told him about it. “It was awful, Bran,” I told him.“Do you want to go on a walk?” He asked me, holding my hand. I agreed and we both dressed in warmer clothes before leaving.

We both walked out of the Winterfell gates and watched our dragons fly in the night sky. “They are such beautiful creatures,” I said. “Yeah, I still can’t believe they are back again, and that I was able to get an ice one,” Bran said. Suddenly, I had an idea, “let’s call them down here.” We both had the two dragons fly down to us. “You know,” I told Bran as I pet Dreamdancer, “We will need to learn to fly them.” “That is true,” Bran agreed, petting Snowstorm, “why not try right now?” Sure, they didn’t reach the average riding size yet, but they were still a bit bigger than a warhorse. Why not try?

We slowly mounted them and then looked at each other. “What are we supposed to grab on?” Bran asked. “Anything we can grab, I guess,” I replied. I took a deep breath and then commanded, “alright, bē!” Both dragons took off immediately, startling the both of us. We quickly held onto them tighter, not wanting to fall off. They were going pretty fast, but after a while we started to get used to it. We kept going up until we were above the clouds. “Wow, it’s beautiful up here,” I said.

“Yes, beautiful,” Bran said, smiling. We both took a moment to stare at the moon as it shined so bright in the night sky.

He smirked and then said, “Eat our dust!” He swiftly took off with Snowstorm. “Hey!” I laughed, flying after him. We quickly caught up with them. “You cheater, we weren’t ready!” I yelled, “try catching up with us!” Dreamdancer sped up, screeching. The two dragons were quite competitive with each other, so they enjoyed this game. Just feeling the wind blowing through my hair was so liberating and comforting. I laughed and whooped as we picked up the speed. Snowstorm caught up with Dreamdancer, side by side. I didn’t notice Bran staring at me.

Bran’s POV

I love seeing Tsireya like this. Happy, free, and more of herself. Just seeing this side of her made me fall for her even more. She looked over at me, noticing my stare and giggled. I smirked and removed my hands from Snowstorm, challenging her. At first she gasped but then laughed saying, “you’re crazy!”She signaled Dreamdancer to fly up higher. I wonder what she was planning to do.

Dreamdancer starts doing back flips in the air, making Tsireya go upside down a few times. Snowstorm flies up to Dreamdancer and they begin to playfully circle each other, as if they were dancing. They are such polar opposites, yet they go together so well, they complete each other.

Once the dragons stopped, we both flew down lower and started exploring. At first we saw nothing but snow until we saw something. “What is that?” Tsireya asked. “I think it’s a waterfall!” I replied. We have the dragons fly down to the ground by the waterfall.

“Wow,” Tsireya said, in awe. She turned to me saying, “I wish it could be like this forever, me, you, and our dragons. Living happily and exploring.” I smiled, walking closer to her, “I wish so too.”

I wrapped one arm around her waist to pull her closer and played with her hair with my other hand. I looked deeply into her alluring brown eyes, “Avy jorrāelan…” she smiles back at me replying, “Avy jorrāelan tolī, jorrāelagon hen ñuha ābrar.. (I love you too, love of my life)” our lips connected with much passion.

I loved her kisses, they make me feel safe and sound. She opened her mouth more, allowing my tongue to enter it. She tasted very sweet. She began to moan my name as I explored her mouth. Hearing her say my name like that made me excited and weak in the knees, but we had to contain ourselves though, for the wedding was coming soon. It made me remember what my father told me, about marriage.

“You will wed a woman one day,” father said. I gagged, making him chuckle. “You could have a girl of your choice,” he told me. “Do you know what marriage means?” He asked me. I thought about it for a moment, “When you say your vows upon the gods?” He nodded, “yes, but most importantly, you are promising and giving yourself to your significant other and them to you. You both will join together, becoming one. You will love them from your first day to the end of your days. It is a union that should never be broken..” “And you said I could pick someone?” I asked him. “Aye,” he replied. I glanced over at Tsireya. That made me wonder, if I picked Tsireya, would she have picked me too? Father smiled at me, “and I’m sure she would gladly wed you too.”

Once we wed, we will belong to each other and join together, finally becoming one. That made me think about children, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start a family.

I don’t know how long we made out for, but I didn’t want to stop, neither did she. We were again interrupted by the dragons as they hissed, embarrassed by watching us. I lick my lips and chuckle, “we should get back, before anyone freaks out and sends a search party.” “Yeah let’s go,” she agreed. We both mounted the dragons and raced our way back to Winterfell.

As we were flying, Tsireya yelled, “hey, watch this!” She looked down at Dreamdancer, petting her and then commanded, “Drakarys!” Dreamdancer looked up and blasted beautiful, blue flames. I look at Snowstorm and yell, “well, watch this! Suvion!” Snowstorm shot out a cold and icy gust of breath. We both laugh as we continue to fly home.

They dropped us off in front of the gates and flew off together. “I’d probably be best if we had saddles made for the dragons,” I suggested, she agreed. “And we will have less of a chance of falling off.”

“We should make this a thing,” I told her, “going on flying date nights.” She smirked agreeing, “I’d like that…”

Tsireya’s POV

We both went back into our separate rooms to change back into our night clothes. Once I finished changing, I went back to his room. “Can I sleep in here with you?” I asked, blushing. “Oh,” Bran said, blushing harder, “sure, if it’ll help you sleep better.” I blew out the candle next to his bed and climbed in with him.

“Bran,” I said, breaking the comfortable silence, “what if…the people won’t accept me, as their queen? They accepted me before because I looked…well more like them. Now, I look more like my mother, a Summer Islander…”

“Then they’ll have to deal with me,” he replied, taking my hand. “But you shouldn’t let them get to you, they just don’t like things they aren’t used to.

“Would you have liked me more if I looked the way I did when I was younger?” I asked.

Bran looked offended, “I can’t believe you’d ask me that, Tsireya. Nyke jorrāelatan ao pār, se nyke iēdrosa jorrāelagon ao sir. Aōha ñelly gaomas daor nūmāzma mirros naejot ñuha jorrāelagon syt ao. Lo gaomis daor hae ao kesrio syt hen aōha gevie ñelly pār issa pōja loss. (I loved you then, and I still love you now. Your skin does not mean anything to my love for you. If they do not like you because of your beautiful skin then it is their loss)”

I nodded him a thank you, smiling. That made me feel a lot better about myself.

“They will soon learn how much of a lovable person you are.”

He kissed my hand. I’m starting to think that our way of comforting each other is by touching hands.

“Thank you,” I replied, grinning. He always knew how to make me feel better. I kissed his cheek, “good night.” When I closed my eyes, I wasn’t afraid anymore.

We needed that, a night out with just us and our dragons. That will likely go down as my favorite moment with them.

┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈

Taglist: @icarusignite

[ventiskies]

When he rejects you | Chongyun, Scaramouche, Albedo

a/n: hello friends!! i apologize for my somewhat disappearance TwT im currently having exam season but i couldnt help but write something for my favorite three (and yes, scara is there... and honestly, I don't know when I started simping for him either but you can now call me a future scaramouche haver >:)) so not a request, but do enjoy !! <3 (apologies if there are any errors!!)

pairing: chongyun x gn! reader, scaramouche x gn! reader, albedo x gn! reader (platonic)

Chongyun

★ Chongyun, Xingqiu and you had been best friends since you were kids. And although you were a trio, you and Chongyun had always known each other much longer.

★ If your life were a book, it would be a sweet childhood best friends growing up together genre, something that often piqued Xingqiu’s interests when he drags the two of you to Wanwen bookhouse

★ The books you had borrowed from Xingqiu about them all ended with the same thing; that they end up becoming a couple and growing up together. Reminiscing about their childhood youth when they were old.

★ You knew not to trust the books or use them as a guide, but just like the books, you had grown to fall in love with the icy-haired boy.

★ Chongyun was like a breath of fresh air. His determination in exorcising ‘evil spirits' to the point that he blindly falls for Xingqiu and your pranks were the things that you loved about him. He was filled with enthusiasm and positivity (literally).

★ You grew into enjoying his positive attitude, you couldn't imagine a day going by without Chongyun telling you and Xingqiu about a so called 'haunted' place he had found, and forcing the two of you to come with him. and even if it had ended without meeting a single spirit, he would still be in high spirits.

★ you loved it, seeing the rush of thrill he feels whenever he senses a spirit nearby, hoping the spirit was able to withstand his excessive yang energy. the repeating days without one successful exorcism, only to end up getting treated to a meal by Xingqiu, and the parting that always ends with a promise to see each other the day after. Chongyun speaks his emotions, and you were in love with that.

★ and him, just in general.

★ And one day, you had decided to tell him just that

★ You were both on the hunt for Jueyun chilies for Xiangling, a small commission that you had decided to take on while waiting for Xingqiu to finish his work at the guild. The sun had set, and you had returned from Qingce village with a bucket full of the chilies and had decided to rest on top of the mountain where you had both Waypointed to just to admire the sunset.

★ In the heat of the moment, you had spoken.

“I like you, Chongyun,” you had said, looking at him with a smile.

★ You would have accepted a silence. You had expected it to be like the books; he would gently laugh and look at you, admitting that he had been waiting for you to say the exact words, lean in to kiss you. It would be awkward at first, but it’ll also be something to look back to in the future when kissing becomes something you do every day. You’d return back to Liyue Harbor hand in hand, and be able to tell Xingqiu and Xiangling that he was your boyfriend now, and admit to the former that maybe his books were right.

★ But instead, you were met with Chongyun’s wide eyes staring at you. His cheeks flushed red with what you had tried hard to hope was shyness, but had appealed more like panic. He had stood up and cleared his throat

“We- we should get back,” he says, too quickly for someone as calm as he is. And you knew it was a wrong step, “I’m-,” he clears his throat, “I’m going to go ahead first. I'm sorry,”

★ You didn’t know if he was apologizing for leaving early, or for not being able to accept your feelings, but when you hadn't seen him the following day, you could only assume.

Scaramouche

★ Honestly, you had it coming for you.

★ Scaramouche is someone whose life is their job. There was nothing that could distract him from working for the Tsaritsa

★ You had (been self-entitled) as his best friend. And honestly, if Scaramouche knew of it, he doesn't blame you. Everyone in the Fatui and who worked under the Fatui knew how close you were. Which was odd because, for one, you were absolutely nothing like him. Although you weren't exactly liked by everyone, you weren't loathed by everyone like the sixth harbinger was.

★ Scaramouche was feared by anyone who hears his name or walks a foot away from him, while you carried a calmer aura. Without glancing, Scaramouche could bring his subordinates trembling, while they would greet you when you pass by them.

★ You were polar opposites, and yet, everyone has seen the two of you together so much that when he wasn't with you or the other way around, people would assume you were on a solo mission or just leaving the other’s quarters

★ Of course, being his best friend, you weren’t spared of his usual harsh words. As a matter of fact, you probably had it much worse than anyone else. It had almost seemed as if every time he spoke, he spoke like he was trying to get rid of you.

★ But if that really were the case, then he hasn’t been trying his best. You had stayed with him since you had become an ally to the Fatui, and ever since then had stayed by his side. When others shake in fear, you shake your head with a laugh and a retort.

★ It had even come as a surprise to you when you had realized you had fallen for the harbinger. You would think that spending time with such a foul-mouthed person who would murder someone in the blink of an eye with no hesitation would make you dislike him. But that didn’t happen.

★ In fact, it was quite the opposite. You had fallen in love with him.

★ It wasn’t obvious to anyone, and even you had to take the time to squint to look for it. But Scaramouche did care for you in his own way. Whether it be toning down the harsh words when he sees your mood dampen after a mission, or beating the shit out of a person who had attacked you ruthlessly, not stopping even after his hands were covered in crimson liquid and the person almost certainly died. Even if he calls you a hindrance afterward for dirtying his hands, he definitely thought of you the same as you thought of him.

★ A friend.

★ Or, you had hoped, something more.

★ It was a mistake to take his slight kindness as a sign of him liking you, it truly was.

★ During your journey to Inazuma for a mission, you had decided to confess to him out of the blue. You knew he was someone who could predict the outcome of something even before you said anything, so a slow confession when the sun was setting in a field of flowers would just be a waste of time. if there was something you learned, it's to cut to the chase with him.

“Hey Scara,” you had said quietly. He had replied with a low hum, not turning back to look at you, “I like you.”

★ Without a second thought, Scaramouche had taken you by surprise as well.

★ He had not stopped in his tracks, instead, his shoulders shook in laugher. His laugh wasn't the same laugh you hear whenever you make a stupid mishap or get slightly injured during a simple mission- no, those laughs were warmer. Although laced with unkindness, they were more familiar.

★ This one was condescending. As if you were a new recruit again, having to work under him. As if all those years as friends had just gone down the drain.

“Stupid. What a fool of me to assume you were different.” he says, voice clear as a bell in the night, “don’t be an inconvenience. I don't have time for people like you.”

Albedo

★ Ever since working under Albedo with Sucrose, your life had been nothing but full of wonder. Although some were dangerous, Albedo and you bonded easily as if you had worked together in a past life.

★ Albedo was a genius. He was someone you looked up to, and sometime during your investigations, he had become a friend. You didn't know when it started. When it had gone from two alchemists staying the night in Dragonspine to observe the different stages of new plant growth, to- with the permission of the acting grandmaster - just two people, two friends, going out to explore the seven nations.

★ Sucrose and Timaeus had stayed back in Mondstadt to finish experiments that you both had decided to put on hold for your trip, and with nothing to worry about, the two of you had gone out with nothing but the protection of each other (and your visions, of course), and a few packed meals from Good Hunter.

★ Albedo had a side that no one saw unless they spent nights camping with him in the middle of nowhere. You were one of the lucky people who were able to see that side of his during your trips around the seven.

★ The alchemist wasn't just curious about the way the world works, he had also been curious with, well, you.

★ Some nights when he couldn't go to sleep (which was often. You’d be surprised to see how messed up his sleep schedule was), he would sit in front of the fire you had both worked hard to make, and simply talk.

★ sometimes, it would be short conversations. but more than often, you find yourself talking about everything and nothing until the sun rose above the mountains, and you would have to continue your journey until one of you (usually being you,) were too tired to continue.

★ Albedo talks with passion, no matter what the topic is. He could be talking about what you were going to be having for dinner for the next night before you reach the first region in your trip, and he would already have you captivated.

★ Albedo also talks with gentleness. And this was the said side not a lot of people would be able to see from the chief alchemist. Whenever the tent was filled with comforting silence, you would be able to hear Albedo asking you questions about yourself. They weren’t your standard, what was your dream growing up? Kind of questions, but they were more specific. More… personal.

★ Is it not funny, how life works? What if a single moment had changed in the past, I and you wouldn't have met. He would question, eyes trained to the flames burning in front of him. It sounded rhetorical, but his tone was laced with wonder. He sounds as if he was expecting an answer, but he doesn't urge you for one. And every time he does, you merely hum.

★ Albedo was gentle in everything he did. Almost all the time you were with him, he had never acted brashly. He was patient, kind.

★ and that was most likely what had prompted your crush on the alchemist

★ crushing on Albedo was like looking up at the stars. he was someone who shined brightly, but you knew he was too far to reach, yet despite that, you had still attempted to.

★ you had decided to finally let it all out on him the night of your final stay before you reached your final region, which was Inazuma.

★ and that, you had realized a little too late, had been the icing on top of a really terrible cake.

"Albedo," you had stared, and the alchemist immediately turned towards you. that was something you had grown fond of. you knew Albedo was a man married to his work, so when he turns to you in the midst of it, you felt your stomach churn in delight, "I have to tell you something,"

“Hm?” he hums, setting his notepad down to give you his full attention, “what is it, y/n?”

★ You took a deep breath, and the moment you had opened your mouth to tell him, you had a sinking feeling you had made a huge mistake.

“I like you, a lot,” you muttered, “not just platonically, Albedo. I… I think you're really interesting. and if you'd like, I would love to be with you. ”

★ Albedo’s face had fallen, and although it had been the slightest, you had still noticed it. He looked at you as if the cogs were turning in his brain, and finally, he looks down

“I must apologize,” he starts, and you feel your stomach drop, “but I’m not interested in you that way, y/n. If it makes you feel better, I see you as a very dear friend,”

★ You nod, apologizing to Albedo before he offers a small smile before continuing his research

★ You both did not speak of it, but there was a very thick air of silence hangs over the two of you afterward, that didn't dissipate even after you both left the camp.

[magnetic-rose]

Why Spones is a top-tier ship

AKA “the inherent homoeroticism of annoying the shit out of your co-worker.”

Spock and McCoy have a complicated relationship. A lot of their bickering and ideological differences lead fans to believe that they hate each other, but that’s an over-simplification of the truth. The reality is that Spock and McCoy are extremely close friends who care about each other deeply. Though sometimes their bickering turns serious during stressful situations, for the most time they seem to enjoy the banter. A common mischaracterization of their relationship seems to put McCoy as the bully and Spock as the victim. In truth, there are many times where Spock will say something specifically to get a rise out of McCoy. They fight. That’s how they show affection, not disdain. In fact, one could argue that some of their bantering have a flirtatious tone to it.

Kirk: Mister Spock, regaining eyesight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I assume, felt nothing.

Spock: On the contrary Captain. I had a very strong reaction. My first sight was the face of Doctor McCoy bending over me.

McCoy: ‘Tis a pity brief blindness didn’t increase your appreciation for beauty, Spock. (Operation -- Annihilate!)

Spock is a half-Vulcan, half-Human who has mostly chosen to follow his Vulcan heritage. As such, he is a being of almost pure logic. The truth about Vulcans are that they are secretly beings who feel things very deeply and intensely, and they feel the need to keep a tight lid on their emotions as to not succumb to them. McCoy, on the other hand, is a regular human. He’s a deeply emotional man who cares about others. One could argue that McCoy is almost too empathetic, as he lets his emotions rule him. Spock and McCoy are polar opposites; the brain and the heart, the logic and the emotion, the super-ego and the id.

Despite these differences, the two men are similar in a lot of ways. They’re both men of science, men of peace, and they both care very deeply for their Captain. They’re both self-sacrificing morons, to the chagrin of the other. Spock will prioritize McCoy’s life even when both of them know it’s not the logical choice to do so. Likewise, McCoy will take a hit for Spock even when they both know the Vulcan is stronger and better equipped to deal with pain than the doctor.

Spock: (In the middle of a blizzard) In this severe cold, we cannot survive much longer.

McCoy: Leave me here, Spock.

Spock: We go together or not at all.

McCoy: Don’t be a fool. My hands and face are frostbitten. I can’t feel my feet. Alone, you have a chance. Now do what I say. Go try to find Jim.

Spock: We go together! (All of Yesterdays)

In the episode, “The Empath,” Kirk, Spock and McCoy have to choose someone to be offered as sacrifice to be tortured by a group of aliens. Kirk obviously volunteers, but gets put to sleep by McCoy with a tranquilizer. Spock then states that he’ll offer himself up, as he has the higher chance of surviving the torture. McCoy then proceeds to sedate Spock as well, and sacrifices himself to be tortured by the aliens.

Spock: While the captain is asleep, I am in command. When the Vians return, I shall go with them.

McCoy: You mean, if I hadn't given him that shot

Spock: Precisely. The choice would have been the captain's. Now it is mine.

(McCoy turns away. Spock sits to carry on working. Gem puts her hand on Spock's shoulder, and smiles. McCoy comes up behind him and gives him an injection.)

Spock: Your action is highly unethical. My decision stands. (Spock falls asleep next to Kirk.)

McCoy: Not this time, Spock.

Underneath all the fighting and disagreements, there is a deep caring between Spock and McCoy that manifests itself into protectiveness towards each other. In “All of Yesterdays,” Spock is constantly showing concern for McCoy after he almost died of hypothermia. In aftermath of McCoy’s torture in “The Empath,” Spock is seen hovering over his body and caressing his face, worry written into his features. On the other hand, while McCoy constantly makes fun of Spock for his lack of emotions, he’s also highly aware of the Vulcan’s mental state and protective of it when others threaten to shatter his resilience.

McCoy: He's a Vulcan. You can't force emotion out of him.

Philana: You must be joking, Doctor.

McCoy: You'll destroy him.

Parmen: We can't let him die laughing, can we?

McCoy: (Watching as Spock starts to cry) I beg you! (Plato’s Stepchildren)

The episode “Amok Time” also demonstrates McCoy’s perceptiveness of Spock and Spock’s true feelings of friendship towards McCoy. McCoy is in fact the first person to notice that something is wrong with Spock:

McCoy: Oh, captain. Got a minute? It's Spock. Have you noticed anything strange about him?

Kirk: No, nothing in particular. Why ?

McCoy: Well, it's nothing I can pinpoint without an examination, but he's become increasingly restive. If he were not a Vulcan, I'd almost say nervous. And for another thing, he's avoiding food. I checked and he hasn't eaten at all in three days.

Kirk: That just sounds like Mister Spock in one of his contemplative phases.

Kirk doesn’t notice anything wrong with Spock, and initially dismisses McCoy’s concern, but McCoy immediately picked up on Spock’s mental turmoil. Despite his cantankerousness, McCoy not only cares about Spock but goes out of his way to look out for his mental state. Part of it might be because he’s his doctor, but how many doctors go so far as to monitor someone’s eating habits because they notice that person’s suddenly being fidgety? On Spock’s end, when it comes time for him to beam down to Vulcan to complete his marriage ceremony, he specifically asks for McCoy to be there:

Spock: By tradition, the male is accompanied by his closest friends.

Kirk: Thank you, Mister Spock.

Spock: I also request McCoy accompany me.

McCoy: I shall be honoured, sir.

One episode I find extremely fascinating in terms of McCoy/Spock moments is “Mirror, Mirror.” In this famous episode, half of the Enterprise crew get transported into an alternate universe dubbed The Mirror Verse, in which evil versions of the characters exist and terrorize space as a fearsome military force. McCoy is part of the team that gets transported in the Mirror Verse, while Spock stays in their regular universe. Mirror Spock immediately realizes that half of the crew, including Kirk and McCoy, are acting strangely. When he corners Kirk to question him, he does so by threatening McCoy: “I shall not waste time with you. You’re too inflexible, too disciplined, once you’ve made up your mind. But Doctor McCoy has a plenitude of human weaknesses, sentimental, soft. You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will.” This Spock seems to have a intimate knowledge of McCoy’s mind.  When the party decides to attack Mirror Spock, he fights all of them except for Uhura and McCoy, who he simply pushes out of harm’s way.

When Mirror Spock gets hurt as the crew is trying to escape back to their own universe, McCoy is suddenly unable to leave his side. Kirk allows him to stay to nurse Spock back to health, and McCoy risks almost staying in the Mirror Verse forever for him. When Mirror Spock awakes, he backs McCoy into a wall and initiates a forced mind meld onto the doctor. The next scene has Mirror Spock holding a disoriented McCoy up and bringing him back to his crew; he now understands what is happening and he wants his regular crew back, and thus he allows Kirk and company to make the switch back to their own universe.

Other Star Trek properties have gone more in depth on how a forced mind meld can be extremely traumatizing on the person receiving it. Star Trek: Enterprise has an entire story arc dedicated to the Vulcan T’Pol trying to heal from a forced mind meld. Unfortunately, because the nature of TOS episodes were episodic, we never got the chance to explore the emotional fallout of McCoy’s forced mind meld and how that might have affected his relationship with Spock. The franchise also never went in depth on Mirror McCoy outside of what Mirror Spock speaks of him, since Mirror McCoy died of xenopolycythemia in 2269.

Closing the list of evidence of Spock and McCoy’s affections towards each other are the Star Trek movies “The Wrath of Khan” and “The Search for Spock.” Towards the end of Wrath of Khan, Spock sacrifices himself to save The Enterprise in one of the franchises most heart-wrenching scenes. Moments before his sacrifice, he knocks McCoy unconscious, touches his face and whispers “remember.” What happened in this scene was that Spock, knowing he was about to die, transferred his Katra to McCoy. The katra being the Vulcan equivalent of a soul. This speaks to the amount of trust that Spock has in McCoy. For someone who keeps most of his emotions under a tight lid, it’s a huge gesture to entrust another with the essence of their entire being. The next movie, The Search for Spock, is a journey as the Enterprise crew fight to return to Vulcan so they can reunite Spock with his body. When they finally arrive, the Vulcans warn McCoy that the process is extremely dangerous and could even result in his death. McCoy calmly replies that he “chooses the danger.” He cannot fathom living his life without Spock.

McCoy: (Speaking to Spock) I'm going to tell you something that I... I never thought I'd hear myself say...But it seems I've missed you. I don't know if I could stand to lose you again.

So in conclusion, Spock and McCoy have a rich and complex relationship that is much more than simply just “they dislike each other because they bicker a lot.” Their bickering is more akin to that of an old married couple. There are plenty of examples not even included in this post of how deeply they care for each other. Despite their ideological differences, they balance each other out quite nicely. McCoy is finely attuned to Spock’s emotions, arguably better than anyone else on the ship. Spock in turn is protective and gentle with McCoy. Once you stop looking at their interactions solely on the surface level, you’ll be able to see the tenderness and years of love and friendship between them. This is why I think Spock/McCoy is one of the most underrated and misunderstood relationships of TOS. Don’t let the constant arguing fool you into believing these two dummies don’t adore each other.

Shout-out to Tempest for their extremely lengthy ship manifesto on Spones called “Spiced Peaches,” which goes even more in depth on why Spones is a great couple. Using their manifesto as a reference was key to remembering Spock/McCoy moments. Also shout-out to the site chakoteya for having full transcripts of TOS episodes, so I could easily find quotes for this. If you’ve come this far, thanks for reading!

[moonbeambucky]

Hey Neighbor (Part 13)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Billy Russo x Reader Word Count: 2663 Warnings: fluff, light angst, brief mention of smut

Summary: You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.

A/N: I’m still sorry... or am I? 😂

PART 12 | HEY NEIGHBOR MASTERLIST

Sunlight filters in through the part of the window not blocked by opaque curtains, the golden glow reaches Billy’s eyes making him throw an arm up to block out the brightness. He’s careful of his movements, not to disturb you as you sleep against him.

He had a good time last night bowling and meeting all your friends but when you accepted his offer to come back to his place that was when the real fun began. In the comfort of his apartment you sat curled against him on his couch, feeling warmth spread through your body from the amber colored drink in your hand, though Billy was more intoxicating.

You quickly found your way into his bed, tangled together as your hands and lips explored every part of each other until you reached soaring heights of passion and pleasure. Billy was an incredible lover and you hadn’t thought that simply because he had broken your dry spell. He knew how to please and did so generously. You didn’t intend on staying over but truthfully your legs felt like jelly afterwards you couldn’t do anything but stay beside him, falling asleep in his arms.

Billy puts his arm down, shifting just a little so he could face away from the sunlight, the slight movement unintentionally waking you. He felt bad, watching as your heavy lids blinked themselves open a few times before they focused on his beautiful smile.

“Sorry, go back to sleep babe,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

A smile pulled at your lips as you felt the soft lingering touch of his lips. “S’okay, I want to stay awake.”

Billy smiled at the soft noises you made as you took in a stiff inhale of breath, your body tensing up as you turned away from him, bringing your hand to cover your mouth as you yawned. The feel of morning breath was heavy on your tongue so you decided to go to the bathroom, hoping there would be mouthwash you could freshen up with.

Goosebumps prickled at your skin when you pulled off the sheets, sitting up as you scanned the floor for your clothes that had been scattered around the room amidst the throes of passion. Billy’s eyes roamed your bare skin, memories of last night bring warmth to his body, feeling himself ache for you again the longer he stared.

You spotted your sweater, pushing yourself up from the low platform bed to grab the crumbled fabric from the floor, stretching it over your skin. Beside it was your pants though you picked up your lacy bottoms and stepped into them before leaving his room to find the bathroom.

Billy leaned back against the arm he folded under his head, not feeling like getting up to find his phone wherever he last left it. He didn’t need to distract himself anyway since you walked back in, slightly shivering as your bare feet walked along the cold floors.

“C’mere,” he said, pulling back the blanket.

As you began to get back in bed your movements were halted by “nuh uh” as Billy shook his head. “No clothes in bed, it’s the rules.” He smirked, sitting up towards the edge of the bed.

A giggle escaped your lips as you moved towards Billy’s side of the bed, standing in front of him. His hands went under your sweater, holding you firmly by your waist.

“Those are the rules, huh?” You repeated, grinning coyly as you let your hands glide up his arms, caressing his smooth skin until your fingers met a raised ridge along his left shoulder.

Your brows furrowed with concern as you stared at another scar on his chest, having missed both in the dimmed lighting last night. They were clearly old but by the way Billy’s jaw tensed you suspected they weren’t fully healed.

His dark gaze wandered as he focused on something behind you, his trance dissolving from the sound of your sweet voice saying his name.

“There was… this guy, Arthur. He volunteered at the Ray of Hope group home I was in. We all thought he was so cool, playin’ stickball and hoops with us. I was ten or eleven at the time.” Billy clenched his jaw, clearing his throat of the lump that formed there.

His hands dropped into his lap and he began wringing them. “When a grown man tells you that you’re pretty you know nothing good is coming. Let’s just say I wasn’t interested in the kind of games that he had in mind. I went after him with the stickball bat, caught him a few times before he broke my arm… ripped my rotator cuff in three places.”

You had been listening quietly as Billy spoke, not realizing you were holding your breath until his hand cupped your cheek and you let it out shakily. His story wasn’t new– no, unfortunately you had heard about this situation too many times but despite being familiar with this in your line of work Billy’s story really affected you.

No matter who the person or what their story is, you care deeply about all the cases you have from Metro-General but Billy was different. You really liked him and hearing him talk about the terrible memories from his past reminded you about Pietro and what could have happened if someone had been there to help. Growing up in the system is hard enough as it is, but if the caretakers aren’t doing their job to protect these children…

Sighing, your lips flattened into a line of frustration. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Billy.”

“Hey… don’t, okay?” His hands wrapped around your waist as he looked up to meet your sympathetic eyes. “Everyone’s got a story, this one’s mine.”

His lips stretched across his face into something that wasn’t quite a smile but not a frown either. You knew it wasn’t easy to share, something he clearly can’t forget though you appreciated his openness, feeling closer because of it.

Leaning down you cupped Billy’s cheeks, feeling his scruff scratch at your palms as you placed a gentle kiss to his lips. You felt him smile against you as he kissed back, his hands grabbing the hem of your sweater and breaking the kiss for him to pull it over your head.

Billy kissed your exposed skin, softly, slowly as he laid you down on the bed. His touch was like heaven, setting fire to your soul, and together you climbed higher and higher until you reached the apex of pleasure a few more times over.

You got home late in the afternoon knowing you had a novel’s worth of texts to return from your friends, mainly the girls wanting to know all the details. Bucky’s was the only text that you replied to right away. He hoped you would get home safe, and behind your shared wall he let out a sigh of relief, reading your message that you did, even if it meant you were only getting home now.

Bucky shuffled reluctantly to his door, wondering why there’s a knock. Looking through the peephole, he can’t help but let a smile stretch over his face.

“Hey neighbor!” you said, with a beaming smile.

He hadn’t seen you in a few days, throwing himself deep into his work, thankful for the distraction. “Hey Y/N.” Bucky takes note of what you’re wearing, a comfy hoodie and oversized polar bear pajama pants. You always had the cutest pajamas.

“You busy? I was gonna watch a movie and order a bunch of food since my period came and all I want to do is eat. Sorry was that TMI?” you asked, seeing his expression change in a multitude of ways.

He let out a slightly uncomfortable laugh. “Where’s Billy?”

“Working.”

Bucky wasn’t happy with that answer, making him feel like you were settling for plans with him since Billy was busy. He was about to decline, making up a lie about anything just so he didn’t have to feel bad about himself before you continued.

“But I’d rather hang with you anyway. Not that Billy would care about my period like that but, I don’t know, we’re not at that point yet, you know? Like I feel like I can always be myself around you.”

His blank expression turned into a smile as Bucky nodded his head. “Yeah, yeah I get that. I feel the same about you.”

Bucky felt a weird sensation in his stomach as he stood there smiling at you, breaking out of his trance as you spoke again.

“Okay so hurry up and come over. I don’t know what I want to eat. I kinda want tacos, but also pizza. And if you have cookies bring them over because I already ate the ones I had.”

It felt right, sitting beside you on the couch, stuffing your faces and laughing as you watched a movie. Bucky took it upon himself to grab the bottle of Advil from your bathroom, bringing over a full glass of water for you to take for your cramps.

“Thanks. You know, I know you hate relationships and stuff but you’d make a really good boyfriend.”

Bucky was frozen, the only sound he could hear was that of his heart drumming rapidly in his ear. “Y-you think so?” he croaked out, swallowing down the thick knot in his throat with a gulp of his drink.

You nodded, leaning forward to set the glass down on your table. “Why, you don’t?”

“No, that’s… That’s not it.” He turned away from you, silent and contemplative.

It wasn’t always like this. Bucky was a young boy that grew out of the idea that girls had cooties long before his friends did. It started with Olivia. They met in sixth grade, two nervous kids in a brand new school that happened to sit next to each other in homeroom.

Her eyes were like honey and Bucky was stuck, letting himself get lost in her beauty. He memorized the freckles speckled across the nose and cheeks of her sandy brown skin like a galaxy of stars, each one more dazzling than the last. Her hair was polished bronze packed in tight corkscrews that Bucky loved brushing aside so he could kiss her; every morning before they got to class, during lunch where he neglected his food in favor of her lips, and after school when they parted.

Bucky loved her as much as a young man could love a young woman, his first love, the girl he thought he would have everything with. He was a fool to think he could have it all, blinded by his utter devotion to Olivia before he realized his relationship was more one-sided than he realized.

They spent seven years together and not once did Olivia tell him she wasn’t planning their future the same way Bucky was. Olivia meant everything to him and when she was accepted to college on the West Coast Bucky immediately started looking into transferring to a school out there. It didn’t matter that their music program wasn’t as accredited, he was willing to do anything to make what he and Olivia had last.

What Bucky didn’t know was that Olivia didn’t feel the same. Not anymore. She fell out of love with him and was hoping to use graduation as a clean break. She broke his heart and Bucky was devastated.

He didn’t understand how she could stop loving him just like that. How it was so easy for her to let go of all their history; wondering what the turning point was in their relationship and why she didn’t tell him. His trust was broken. She strung him along for months, years maybe? It wasn’t just the fact that they broke up, she had moved on. Olivia was with someone new and every day Bucky asked himself why he wasn’t worthy of love.

He shut down, losing himself in composition, letting the melody of strife carry him through the sea of heartache. It was decided then, by a boy who was barely a man, to take what he needs and never be vulnerable again. It was easy.

It was easy.

Over the past few months everything has changed. There was a moment Bucky was ready to abandon his beliefs. He had grown up, matured; he knows his boundaries and knows there is so much more of himself to give to someone.

Bucky thought that someone could be you. It was a silly idea. You were just friends. But he was friends with Olivia first too. He felt the same ease as you did with him, enjoying spending time with you even if you did nothing. He thought there might have been a chance, somehow for him to break free of the mold he set upon his life and ask you out but someone beat him to it.

You and Billy had been seeing more and more of each other. He remembers that feeling from so long ago, desperate to spend every waking moment with the person that sent your heart a-flutter. Bucky understood when you cancelled plans with him, for the times Billy was able to make a last minute date after work arrangements changed. He understood, even if he didn’t like it. He couldn’t object even though he wanted to. You were happy and Bucky felt worse the more he thought about even thinking of taking that away from you.

He changed the subject, letting the movie resume but the thoughts never left his mind.

For the first time in a very long time Bucky is lonely. While the world is out overspending on chocolates and roses, fancy dinners and champagne Bucky lays in bed, trying to distract himself with a movie. He’s usually alone on Valentine’s Day, by choice. It’s too complicated to sleep with one of his regulars, not wanting to get their hopes up by any means on the day that celebrates love.

Bucky exhaled a heavy breath, upset with himself for being unable to keep his mind off everything. His heart is a dilapidated shack lost in a desolate wasteland. Abandoned after so many years, it’s dust covered, with a haze of cobwebs clouding over the part of himself that used to thrum with life.

And suddenly the walls become unsteady. His heart begins to crumble at the sound coming from the other side of the wall. It’s you, with unmistakable cries of pleasure, in a duet of passion with Billy.

Bucky shudders, feeling uncomfortable for being able to hear something that should be so intimate. It’s payback perhaps, a taste of his own medicine for all the times he’s disturbed you in the same way.

His mind runs wild against his will, imagining you in bed as the soundtrack of your lovemaking permeates the thin walls. It’s bittersweet poison to his ears.

Bucky throws the blankets off him, nearly tripping over the boots he haphazardly toed off earlier as he rushes towards his desk. He grabs his headphones to block out the sounds, a painful reminder of what could never be.

He grabs his phone, scrolling through his contact list. So many names and yet he feels nothing for them. He stops at your name, his chest hitching with agony. He wants what you have. To love fully, and give himself completely to someone. To renovate all the broken pieces inside of himself.

His fingers tap away and Bucky refuses to stop himself of their doing. He’s scared but excited, knowing the threat of getting hurt again is very real but he’s had enough of telling himself that the way he’s been living is what he’s really wanted.

With his own melodies playing in his ear Bucky is ignorant of the way you cry out Billy’s name. He is blissfully ignorant, opening the Tinder app he’s just downloaded, creating a profile because he’s finally ready to give dating a real shot.

PART 14

[mangolover]

Creature of The Dark part 3 (Theodorus van Gogh x reader)

Find part one here

Find part two here

Title: Creature of The Dark (part 3)

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire / Ikevamp / Ikevam

Pairing: Theodorus van Gogh x gn! reader, Vincent van Gogh x gn! reader (platonic)

Genre: Angst, comfort

Warnings: nightmares, not eating properly, mentions of losing job, mentions of being homeless, argument, dark thoughts, mentions of a unhealthy relationship (lack of comunication), depression(?), swearing, shouting, breaking glass, breaking porcelain, humilation, betrayal, snow, mentions of time

Spoilers: Theo’s route

Word Count: 2600+ (six pages...)

Description: He broke yet another promise and you cut ties with the whole mansion, trying to live on your own in city. Losing your job and getting kicked out, you didn’t know where else to go but to the art gallery.

Part 2: Going to the gallery was a bad idea and you become aware of that after the same mistakes got repeated and sparked an argument. Now you are sitting on a bench in the park, feeling hopeless until a faimilliar figure comes to your aid.

Part 3: You secretly came back to the mansion with the help of the Vincent, and as much as he helped you, it all came crashing down when you were discovered by Theodorus. Now all that’s left is to finally find the shadow in the darkness.

This has some first person perspective, but it’s mostly 2nd perspective.

Dark thoughts are going to be present throughout whole series, so proceed with caution.

Only nightmares are explored a bit deeper, everything else is pretty much just mentioned, but if anything is triggering to you, please skip this one.

Also, when somthing is writen like this ('example'), it's from the suitor's point of view or their thoughts, not reader's.

I am making this in multiple parts, temptation won this time.

Enjoy!

Pointing to the place on bench next to you, he asks “may I sit here?“ And you just nod while scooping away, wanting to give him as much space as possible. “Thank you, Y/n!”

Vincent was always a reliable friend and a sense of comfort would wash over you whenever you saw his angelic smile. He and Theo were like hell and heaven, polar opposites. However, you were glad to have someone like Vincent to call your friend. ‘Or is he your friend anymore?’

“How have you been?” you looked up at Vincent who was staring I front of him, his hands placed on his lap and you mirrored his actions, straightening your posture and averting your gaze before answering.

“I’ve been good. I found a job and a place to stay. But I think it’s time to go back to my own time” you tried to sound as casual as possible, hoping you hid your emotions well, just like Theo always did.

“And how are you doing now?” but Vincent could see through a mask even as good as Theo’s.

“I…” you considered your next words, “I could be doing better. Some obstacles came along the way, but don’t worry! It’ll be better soon!” you turned towards him and gave him a strained smile, not knowing who you are trying to fool exactly. You were lying to both of you, but that was for the best.

Vincent turned to look at you with a worried expression. He was suspicious because you stayed there last night and now you didn’t even go ‘home’. “How about we go pick something to eat? For old time’s sake.”

You were about to refuse before Vincent gave you a dazzling smile and extended his hand out to you, “I’m not taking no for an answer, Y/n.” That was the end of the story as you took his hand and Vincent took you to get something to eat in a nearby café that was surprisingly still open.

Once you were seated and ordered your food and drink of choice, after Vincent insisted it was his treat, you fell into a somewhat comfortable silence. There was still tension in the air, no doubt, but it was better than when you were with Theo.

“I’m sorry for leaving without a proper explanation to all of you except Comte” you broke the silence with a voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s alright” to your surprise Vincent didn’t sound mad, his voice and face were full of understanding. “We were worried when even Comte couldn’t find you but considering how Theo was acting when you left and today’s situation, I understand.”

You let a smile grace your features, “thank you Vincent.”

“But please, don’t disappear on us again. The mansion is not the same without you” he looked sincerely sad. “Do you have a place to stay the night?” his voice was low and warm.

“O-of course! I told you I found a place to stay” you are sure your stutter sold you out.

Vincent didn’t even need to say anything, he just gave you a stern look and you lowered the gaze, embarrassment painting your face. “I don’t…”

“You can always come back to the mansion; I’m sure Comte would understand.”

“That is not an option. I left and cut contact with everyone” you let out a sigh. “Why do you even want to have anything with me?” Vincent looked at you in surprise. (‘Just how much have you suffered this 4 months Y/n?’)

“Because you are my friend. And we all care about you.” His reasoning was simple, but you couldn’t understand it. ‘Just why?’

“I don’t think going back to the mansion is a good idea” Vincent was ready to hear you out, always a shoulder to lean on. “Arthur will be there and he might be upset with me because Theo is his best friend. And I left Sebastian when he needed me the most. Isaac just started opening up to me and then I left. And Mozart will be annoyed by all the commotion.” You dreaded to tell who you feared to see the most, “and Theo will be there and I doubt it’s a good idea for us to see each other again.”

Vincent went quiet for a moment before speaking again, seemingly trying to work out the best solution. “The door doesn’t open for at least two more weeks. And I can’t let you sleep outside, so how about for at least tonight stay in the mansion?”

You felt uneasiness even if you knew Vincent just wanted the best for you. “I could sneak you in and you can stay in my room so others won’t notice you.”

Even if he knew that explaining why he was sneaking someone into his room last night was going to be tough and that he’s going to have to lie, he was ready to do anything for you.

“Do you promise I am not bothering?” you wanted to make sure he is one hundred precent sure about what he’s offering. Vincent nodded firmly just as your food came to your table and you both dug in, for once in so long you didn’t feel so alone.

Once you were both done eating and Vincent settled the bill, you made your way outside. Snow started falling outside and both you and Vincent enjoyed the view of the first now of a year for a bit. The snowflakes danced around the sky and landed everywhere, one of them landed on the tip of your nose which made Vincent laugh.

To him you looked like an ethereal angel in that moment. He understood why Theo had fallen for you, but to him you will never be more than a friend or a sister that he so desperately wants to protect from this cruel world, no matter the price.

Eventually, you fetched a carriage and started to make your way deep into the woods where Comte’s residence stood tall and hidden from the eyes of common folk. The long ride continued into the night, to which you were grateful as it gave you a bit more of a cover. Now all you needed was to be sneaky and you could go unspotted. Vincent draped his coat over your shoulders to conceal you even more. Wrapping his hand around your wrist, he guided you into the mansion and into his room, checking that the path was always clear of any other residents.

Everything was going smoothly until he opened the door of his room and saw Arthur down the hall, quickly he pushed you into the room and shut the door behind you signaling you to keep quiet and all you two could hear was a whistle and a quiet chuckle as Arthur’s footsteps faded away.

“That was close” Vincent let out a breath he had been holding before smiling at you.

“I’m sorry Vincent,” you were feeling embarrassed and guilty, “knowing Arthur, everyone will know you sneaked someone in the next morning and Theo will not let you off the hook so easily.”

Vincent gazed at you for a bit before bopping the tip of your nose and letting out a giggle. “I told you it was alright, now go get settled for the sofa. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“You can’t be serious Vincent. I was ready to sleep outside on a bench, even the floor is perfectly fine for me.”

In the end, you two agreed that he can sleep on the floor, but he gets the blanket and the pillow from the sofa. He turned out the lights and you stared through the big window in his room. The moon cast its light and illuminated everything. ‘Maybe this was why Vincent became a painter? So he could etch the images like this onto the canvas, marking them for all eternity.’ Sleep won’t be coming to you anytime soon, but you just hoped nightmares won’t chase you once again.

However, your hope was all in vain.

Nightmares of losing Theo to L’Académie. Him yelling at you while you are shaking in the corner, his fangs out making him look like a monster. Each time you opened your eyes from one nightmare, another one came as soon as you closed them again. The last one was everyone you knew, even your own self laughing at you as you were freezing, telling you it’s your fault for burning bridges and trying to act like you’ve got it all together. You woke up with tears in your eyes and you gasped as you woke up, you started hyperventilating and it must’ve woken up Vincent because he was crouching next to you in a flash, one hand holding yours and other on your back, rubbing in soothing motion.

“That’s right, just deep breaths Y/n, it was just a nightmare” he probably had experience when Theo had nightmares when they were kids. “I’m here okay, just relax.” Your breathing got regular in a few minutes before you flung your arms around Vincent and sobbed in his shoulder. He only pulled you closer in his embrace and let you cry it out. You were under a lot of stress and it was normal for you to break at one point. At least he was there to be your rock.

“Do you want me to go get you something?” he asked you in a soft voice once you got a hold of yourself.

“No, thank you, I don’t need anything.” You smiled at his kindness. “Thank you for helping me calm down.”

“Always Y/n, that’s what friends are for” the warmest smile was on his lips.

“Could…” you were embarrassed to ask him, but maybe that would help you finally get some peaceful sleep. “could you sleep with me on the sofa? You don’t need to if you’re uncomfortable, you’ve already done so much-“

“Scoot over” he picked up the blanket and the pillow. Covering you with the blanket, he wrapped his arm around you and leaned into your back. “Sweet dreams, Y/n.”

“Thank you, Vincent, sleep well!”

This time you had a dreamless sleep, but you were grateful Vincent made sure you were comfortable, even if it’s only for one night. Now the pressing question was, what to do in the morning? It will be harder to leave and what if Arthur recognized you? He was extremely smart individual. You let out a sigh as you woke up when the sun has already started climbing the sky. ‘Damn it! I missed my chance to slip unnoticed!’ But what to do now? You hoped Vincent had any idea, but he wasn’t here?

If anyone walks in, you are doomed. Even worse if they see you laying on his sofa. You were Theo’s old lover, not his brother’s. As you stood in the middle of the room panicking, regretting every choice that got you to this point, the door started opening and you froze on the spot. ‘Come on God, kill me now so I don’t have to suffer any longer.’ However, to your surprise it was just Vincent, bringing you breakfast.

“You startled me” you let yourself relax a bit when Vincent closed the door behind him.

“Arthur asked about ‘the mysterious person that went into my room last night’.” Oh no… “I asked him not to tell anyone and that nothing happened.” Knowing Arthur, Theo already knows and is just trying to process everything.

“I-“

“Don’t even think about apologizing. It’s okay” it’s like he read your mind. “I also asked Comte about the door and about you.” He handed you the breakfast and you gladly accepted it.

“He told me that if any of us has seen you, we can bring you back to the mansion if you ever need anything. Our home is always going to be your home too.” You carefully mulled over Comte’s alleged words in your mind. Still, there were 9 more vampires who probably didn’t want anything to do with you. “I haven’t seen Theo, though.”

Once again you felt like you hit a dead end. Only this time, there was a wall behind you and you had nowhere to go. Whatever you choose, it’s not going to end well. But you know you are going to have to confront either the residents or Theo once he barges into Vincent’s room.

Maybe it’s better if you go and thank Comte before leaving, new day’s a new chance after all, right?

“Could we go see Comte?” you were ready for rejection, but to your surprise Vincent beamed with happiness. (‘That’s it Y/n, baby steps.’) “I want to thank him for everything and apologize for coming unannounced.”

“Sure, but first finish your breakfast” he sat down on the sofa, looking relaxed as ever. “You need to regain your strength.”

You wanted to answer, but your mouth was full and you didn’t want to accidentally spit some food onto the angelic painter that got you this far. Vincent laughed as you struggled to swallow and reply.

“You are going to choke if you don’t eat it properly!” Vincent scolded you.

“Sor-“ however you were cut off by door slamming open and Theo and Arthur barging in.

You jumped out of surprise, the plate in your hands fell out of your hands, porcelain shattering into million pieces, just like your heart. The color was drained out of your face as if you saw a ghost. A lump came to your throat and restricted your breathing, your heart threatening to jump out of your chest, a cold sweat coated your body.

Vincent jumped as well, a deeply rooted panic only getting worse when he realized just who has come unannounced. His younger boer and his author friend. The same shock could be seen on Theo’s face, eyes darting between you and Vincent. What is he thinking? ‘Does he think me and Vincent slept together? Or worse, does he feel betrayed? And what about Arthur? Vincent can hold Theo off, but I have no chance against the two of them.’

Even if the old clock kept on tickling, the precious time getting lost like sand in wind, it seemed as if everything stopped. No one moved a muscle anymore. Breathing stopped. Even Arthur was speechless, his emotions finally out in the open, he seemed confused, almost hurt. ‘But that’s just your mind playing tricks on you, right Y/n?’

Theo finally broke the trance and Vincent instinctively took a step back towards you, trying to shield you from their eyes.

“What?” is all Theo muttered, however. It seemed like he wasn’t even mad, just utterly confused, betrayed. “What’s the meaning of this? Boer what is Y/n doing in your room?!” He raised his voice and you flinched. But neither you nor Vincent found the voice to explain just what’s happening. Letting out a sigh and casting his glance down, Theo walked away, his pace fast, his strides long and his nails cutting into his palms. The commotion brought Leonardo and Sebastian to Vincent’s room and you felt like you might pass out. Your worst nightmares came to life and now Vincent needs to pay the price as well.

One casted glance from Vincent over his shoulder was however all you needed to find the strength and courage to run past the stunned vampires and the butler, following into the direction Theo went.

You don’t have a plan; you almost never did. However, all you know is that Theo needs to understand and that silence won’t bring you two anywhere. You followed him out of the mansion and into the woods.

There are shadows in the dark, you finally remember that and you are ready to show that to your lover as well, it’s now or never.

[atths--twice]

An Unexpected Discovery

An alternate universe in which Mulder and Scully are college professors working in buildings across from one another. They have become close, but one day, he learns something about her he never would have expected.

A couple of days ago, @msgilliana posted a tweet about an AU involving Mulder and Scully which led to a mini story being created by both of us. People asked for a REAL story, but it wasn’t my baby, I had only added a bit to an adorable idea. I suggested she and I collaborate and we two women, who were “too busy right now,” cranked out a 7,700 word story in two days. 

Hope you all enjoy! 

Fox Mulder knew the start of the new academic year could be daunting for new faculty: Am I teaching this class correctly? Is my syllabus adequate? Where the hell do I park?

When he saw one person in particular however, he knew she meant business. They never technically met, but it was more of a ‘we parked next to each other and your building is right next to mine, so we might as well chat’ situation.

“Hi,” he’d said when he saw her, the first of them to speak. He had been drawn to her beauty, her red hair causing her to stand out.

“Hello,” she’d responded.

“Are you new?” he’d asked.

She pushed a stray piece of that beautiful red hair behind her ear. “Is it that obvious?”

“Oh no, I just have an eidetic memory and haven’t seen you before.” She was impressed, and her face revealed as much before he asked another question.

“What do you teach?”

“A mix. Some general physics, some intro to modern physics. You?”

“Wow, that’s quite impressive. I teach psych. Intro, abnormal, and social. Most people think it’s a ‘soft’ science, but I think it’s pretty important.”

“Psychology is interesting to be fair. Why do people do what they do, what determines our likes and dislikes, or even hyperfixations. And that’s just scratching the surface.”

“I have never met anyone from the science department who sees it that way. It’s quite refreshing, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“Well, my sister’s very into feelings, the energy of the planets, all that kind of stuff. She and I are very close. Well… this is my building.” She pointed to the one right next to the one he would be entering.

“And this is mine. How convenient. I’ll see you around Dr…”

“Scully. Dana Scully.”

“Fox Mulder.” He offered his hand and she shook it.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Mulder.”

“Oh please, no ‘Dr.’ That’s so boringly formal. ‘Mulder’ is fine,” he had joked with a mock shiver.

“Then you can call me ‘Scully.’” She chuckled and then smiled at him. As he stared at her, he couldn’t help but notice the presence of a beauty mark above her top lip. She had covered it with makeup and he didn’t understand why she would, it was adorable and also incredibly sexy.

Oh, maybe that’s why, he thought, knowing how men could behave.

Pushing aside those thoughts, he smiled as they reached their respective buildings and separated, walking to their offices.

Over time, they’d gotten to know more about each other. He knew she was twenty six and had received her doctorate two years prior. She was Catholic with two older siblings, a brother and a sister, the latter of whom had an interest in all things extraterrestrials, and she also had one younger brother.

Before the end of her first teaching year, they’d managed to park next to each other almost every day. They would chat for the few minutes their walk to the building afforded them, until they had to separate to their own offices. They both looked forward to that time together each day.

At the year's commencement, they had sat next to each other, and she looked extraordinarily extravagant in her doctoral robe and cap. She would say the same about him.

The following school year, they had gone from their morning chats to leaving at the same time as well. It quickly turned into one accompanying the other to their office and continuing their conversations. While almost polar opposites, they felt comfortable with each other and talked about any and everything.

Of all the little things he knew about her, the one thing Mulder knew Scully prided herself on most was punctuality. He knew she arrived in the parking lot at exactly 8:05 every Tuesday and Thursday before her first class began at 8:30. The other three days, she arrived at exactly 9:25 am for her 10 am class. His classes were all later in the day, but he came in early for office hours and to get work done before his classes.

A couple of months later, however, it was 9:27 on a Wednesday morning and she was nowhere to be found. In the nearly one and a half years since she’d been teaching, Scully had never been late. Though he was curious, he decided to head into his office and start his day.

His work, however, didn’t hold his attention. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. What was she doing? Was she sick? Was there a family emergency? She had mentioned that her siblings lived all across the country. Her older brother Bill was in California where he was stationed with his wife Tara. Melissa was traveling, “finding herself” Scully had stated with a slight eye roll, and Charlie was in New York with his girlfriend Elaine. Her parents were in Annapolis, about an hour's drive from the school.

Shaking himself out of his reverie, he decided to email her, something he’d never done nor had any need to do.

Scully,

Are you okay?

Mulder

He forewent formalities because he felt they were on friendly enough terms, or at least he had assumed so. They hadn’t ever socialized outside of school events, but he had lost count of the high school and college friends he no longer spoke to or had only seen on campus.

He was about to get ready to teach his first class of the day when he checked his email one more time and saw a reply from her.

I’m fine.

Nothing further, not even her name, but at least he now knew she was okay. Or at least, Mulder hoped so. She would’ve said if something was wrong.

Right?

He didn’t sleep well that night, his brain unable to stop thinking and wondering if she was okay.

The next day, she still hadn’t arrived on time. He was in his office, about to send her another email, when he heard a car door slam around 8:15. The building was fairly soundproof, but the windows were not.

Curious, he got up from his desk and looked out the window. Seeing Scully’s car, he immediately smiled. She was a little late, but she was there. His brows then furrowed when she opened the door to the backseat. Bending inside, she was there for nearly a minute.

When she pulled back, he let out a gasp as she had reappeared with a small child in her arms. He could see the little girl was limp and appeared to be asleep. Observing Scully’s struggle to get her bags from the front seat while also carrying the child, he quickly left his office.

He tried to keep his pace slow, so as to not disrupt his colleagues, but his mind was racing with a million questions. Mulder made it outside, but didn’t see Scully. Assuming she must’ve gotten to her office already, he hurried up the stairs; he was out of breath when he reached the third floor.

Looking around, he heard a ding, announcing the arrival of the elevator down the hall. The doors opened and he spotted her shining red hair as she exited the elevator, and turned toward her office. Speed walking, he made it to her office at the same moment that she did.

“Oh, God. Mulder, you scared me,” she whispered when she saw him, breathing quickly as she reached for her keys.

“Sorry,” he whispered, matching her volume.

Scully took a minute to find her keys, only having one hand free for the action. She finally got her office unlocked, the little girl sleeping through it all. Propping the door open, she left the light off and set her bags down, a bright pink Dora the Explorer backpack standing out. She picked it up and held it out to him.

“Can you…” she asked him, nodding at the child in her arms.

“Oh. Um, sure. What…”

“Her blanket, please.”

He unzipped the bag and pulled out a small blue blanket with Thomas the Train across it. Versatile, I like it, thought Mulder. He couldn’t help but feel his heart grow as he watched the way she was with the little girl he assumed had to be her daughter.

“Mommy…” the toddler suddenly croaked.

“Shh, baby, it’s okay.” Scully’s voice was soothing and soft for the girl as she ran a hand across her daughter’s long loose curls. It was different from her no-nonsense, low-pitched professor voice, and it made his heart ache.

She mouthed a thank you to Mulder and took the blanket from him. The little girl whimpered as she was covered in the blanket and snuggled closer to her mother. Scully rocked her and smiled at Mulder.

“I’m sure you have some questions.”

“Just a few.”

She sighed and looked at her child. “Please, sit.”

He obeyed, watching as she carefully sat in her leather desk chair.

“How old is she?” Mulder asked.

“Almost three.”

“Wow, you’ve got your hands full. What’s her name?”

“Emily.” Scully smiled as she rubbed Emily’s back over the blanket.

Awkward silence washed over them as they both ignored the elephant in the room. Scully wasn’t married and didn’t wear a ring. She had never talked about her child before, let alone a partner that could be the child’s father.

“You’ve shared so much, why not her?”

She sighed again. “I don’t know. I guess I thought… that you would judge me. Everyone else sure does, except Missy and Charlie.”

“You know I’d never.”

“I do, but I was also worried. And I guess I wanted to keep her secret for as long as possible.” She avoided his gaze as she spoke.

“I don’t want to sound insensitive, but I do have one more burning question…”

“You want to know about her dad,” Scully guessed and he looked at her sadly and shrugged, not speaking the words, but obviously curious.

“His name’s Ethan and he had been my boyfriend since grad school. I found out I was pregnant the day I defended my dissertation. We broke up about halfway through my pregnancy. He hadn’t ever wanted children, but also didn’t want to use protection. I… well… now Em’s here. That’s the extremely simplified version.”

Mulder’s eyes were wide as he took in the information. He thought she was pretty badass to be able to raise a kid on her own. He could also hear how she may feel shame about it, because of others' comments and also how society tended to treat women who were single parents.

She sighed and he realized that he hadn’t said anything in response. Feeling like a bit of a jackass, he opened his mouth to speak, but she suddenly stood up and shook her head.

“Sorry to cut this short,” she said, glancing at her watch. “But my first class starts soon and I need to get her stuff to bring.”

He shook his head and stood as well. “I can watch her, if it would make it easier for you.”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t-“

“I insist. Besides, I don’t think she’ll like listening to her mother talk about super smart science stuff.”

“It’ll probably bore her to death,” she agreed with a chuckle.

“Then it’s settled then.”

“Are you sure?” Her expression gave away her uncertainty, her eyes searching his face.

“Really, I’d love to. I promise we’ll just stay in here while you teach.”

“You need to be in your office, Mulder. I can’t do that to you.”

“Then we can go to mine. Look, Scully, I promise we’ll be okay, okay?”

She sighed for the third time. “Okay. I should wake her though, let her know I’m leaving and let her see you. I don’t want her waking up without me and crying. Hey, Em,” she said softly, gently patting her back, waking the child.

“Mama…”

“Hey honey, Mama has to teach her class now. You’re going to spend some time with Mulder today, okay? He’s mommy’s friend.”

The toddler lifted her head and looked at him fearfully, tears running down her cheeks.

“Hey, Emily,” Mulder greeted. “It’s nice to meet you. Do you like Dora? She’s pretty cool.” Emily didn’t answer, but embraced Scully tighter.

“I know baby, but Mommy really needs to get to class. Mulder is a very nice man and he will take care of you. He has fish in his office. Do you want to see them?” She nodded, her eyes still full of tears.

Emily was gently passed to Mulder, Scully making sure she was wrapped in her blanket. The little girl sniffed and whimpered as she watched her mom blow her a kiss and then leave the room, thanking him once again.

“Would you like to go on a trip, Emily?” he asked, hoping to ease the tension. She looked at him, her expression unsure and still slightly fearful. “Let’s go see the fish, okay?” She nodded and he beamed.

He grabbed her backpack and swung it onto his back, closing the door to Sculy’s office as they walked out. He locked the door with the keys he’d taken off her desk, knowing she would come to his before coming back to her own.

Emily was trembling slightly in his arms and he held her closer as they walked to the elevator.

“Would you like to go outside? It feels nice out today.”

Emily slowly nodded her head, her thumb on the tip of her bottom lip, as she put her head on his shoulder. He stepped out of the elevator and then the building. He walked into the little courtyard separating the science and education/psychology buildings. The little girl lifted her head just enough to look around.

“‘Nola,” Emily said quietly, as she pointed with her little finger.

“What was that, Em?” Mulder asked, at a loss of what she was trying to say.

“‘Nola,” she repeated louder.

He looked at the direction she was pointing and chuckled when he realized what she meant. “Oh, you like the magnolia tree?”

Mulder was impressed by her intelligence. Of course, her mother had gotten her doctorate at twenty-four, which was not common amongst the other faculty. Even he hadn’t received his until just before she had started teaching, and he was thirty, nearly thirty-one.

“You’re very smart, Emily,” Mulder praised, but the little girl was uninterested. She put her head back on his shoulder, falling asleep before they made it to the office.

As he arrived at the door, he realized he had left his door unlocked when he found it hanging open and one of his teaching assistants, Tyler, was grading papers.

“Oh, sorry Dr. M, but the door was unlocked and…” Tyler started, but was confused as he saw Emily in his arms.

“I’m watching her for a friend,” Mulder said simply, putting her backpack down on the desk. Tyler nodded and went back to grading papers.

Emily continued to sleep, Mulder holding her as he sat down at his desk. Even as he held her, he managed to send a slowly-typed email to a student about the midterm, enter the test grades Tyler had given him, and sent out an announcement to the class about their extra credit assignment.

Looking down at Emily, he smiled. Other than her blonde hair, she was a mirror image of Scully and he couldn’t imagine anyone but her having a sweeter child.

Tyler left soon after he was done grading, smiling and nodding silently as he walked out the door. Emily began to stir, her eyes slowly opening and taking in her surroundings.

“Hey there, Em,” he said softly, and the toddler mumbled, clutching her blanket closer.

“Do you want to see the fish now?” She nodded and he stood up, his back protesting at the position he had been in for the past forty five minutes. He shifted her to hold her better and walked across the room to show her the fish.

“Oh!” she said, watching the fancy guppies he had bought swimming around the tank. “Fishies!” She pointed at the tank and he grinned.

“Yup! Those are fancy guppies. Can you say guppy?”

“Guppy.”

“Good job,” he said, smiling again and rubbing her back. “See that one there? The blue one with the red spotted tail? That’s my favorite one. Watch how fast he swims.”

“Fish swim fast,” she agreed with a nod and he chuckled, shifting her again.

“They are fast. Good job, Em! Gimme five.” She laughed as she lifted her tiny hand and met Mulder’s large one.

“Having fun?” Scully asked and they turned to look at her, standing in the doorway with a smile.

“Mommy!” Emily said, trying to scramble out of Mulder’s arms. He laughed as he set her down and she ran to Scully, who lifted the squealing toddler in her arms.

“Hey, baby.” Scully kissed Emily’s cheek and looked at Mulder. “Were you good for Mulder?”

Emily vigorously nodded her head while Mulder laughed. “She was very good. She’s a smart kid.”

“She takes after her mother.” The two adults smiled and Emily wrapped her arms around Scully’s neck. “Thank you for looking after her. I only had the one class today, but she was sick yesterday and I had babysitter problems and-“

“I promise it was no trouble and completely my pleasure. She slept most of the time, but she liked the fish. The guppies, right Em?”

“Guppy,” she said with a nod, pointing at the tank. “Guppy fish, Mommy.”

“Yes, I know. I knew you would like them.” Scully smiled. “Hey, are you free tonight?”

“Umm. I… no, I mean yes I’m free.”

“Well, let me buy you a drink. It’s the least I can do to thank you for your help.”

His heart raced. This was the moment he’d been waiting for since he had first looked at her.

“Um, sure, I mean… yeah, I’d love to,” he stammered.

Great job, doofus, he admonished himself, inwardly rolling his eyes.

“Great. I’ll sort out a babysitter for tonight and I’ll see you at six? I’ll send you my address.”

If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Scully was inviting him out on a date. Did she see it that way? They’d never spent time together outside of university functions, but he hoped she’d see it as a date, as he would love for it to be so.

He smiled as he nodded and she smiled back. She lifted Emily a little higher, telling her about her class as Emily continued staring at the fish. The way she doted on her daughter and how her red hair shone in the light, he could feel he was already falling for her.

Yeah… he was in big trouble.

[just-jordie-things]

Secret Muse - Richie Tozier

word count: 4308 warnings: swearing, mentions of sex summary: (y/n) and Richie have been secretly going out for a while now... and it was fun at first, but it was getting pretty hard to hide their feelings as they grew into something more.

___

Click.

Richie’s brow furrowed a bit, and his nose twitched as he could see a bright light behind his closed eyes.

He brushed it off, and went back to resting, but then he heard that sound again.

Click.

And this time when the bright light flashed, he peeked an eye open, finding (y/n) sitting up at his side, camera in hand.

“What the hell are you doin’?” He mumbled sleepily, while she eagerly waited for the polaroid photo to print out.

“Nothing” She drew out the word, eyes focused on the black film of the photo, wanting to see the image appear.

He pushed himself upwards, to sit semi-properly on the bed.  He had a way of sprawling out over the girl’s bed, the boy was all limbs.  Not that she ever minded, she loved having him in her space.  All to herself.

“Doesn’t look like nothing” Richie says, one arm wrapping around her waist, while his other hand snatches the photo out of her hand.

“Don’t ruin it!” She shrieks, taking it back gently from his hand.

Richie rolls his eyes at her, but his smile is affectionate as he looks at the picture.

“Now, why would you want a picture of me sleeping?” He asks, snorting at the photo that appeared on the polaroid.  He then presses a kiss to her cheek, nose pressed up against her face.  “You gonna start stalking me or something?” He whispers, and she lets out a small giggle.

“Oh, babe, we’re well past that, don’t you think?” She teases, turning to chastely kiss his lips.  “Besides, I want something of just you.  You’re my muse”

He smirks, leaning in with that look in his eyes- she’d been going out with him for a few months now, and she’d known him since they were kids, so she knew that look.

“You know you can have any of me any time of day, right baby-?”

“Yeah yeah,” (y/n) whacks her hand against his shoulder.  “Unless anyone else is around” She says in a mumble.

See, Richie and (y/n) had decided when they first started going out, to keep it to themselves.  They knew their friends would get weird about it, and thought it was best, for the both of them, to just explore their new feelings without other people stuffing their opinions in their faces.

At first it was perfect, it was kind of fun to sneak around, and hide in plain sight.  But now she just wanted to be with him whenever she wanted.  She wanted to hold his hand at school and cuddle up to him during movie nights.  She just wanted to be completely his, and not just when they were in private.

“What’re you thinkin’ about, pretty girl?” Richie asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Despite the blush on her face, she gave him a sad sort of smile, before shaking her head.

“Just you” She says sweetly, before leaning in closer to kiss him.

“You’re a sap, baby” He murmurs, stealing another kiss.

“Yeah, I know” (y/n) whispers back, and drops her camera and photos so she can run her fingers through his mop of curls.

She lets out a soft sigh, before wrapping her arms around his neck, and laying back with him on the bed.  Richie wasted no time in embracing her, holding her tight against his chest.

“You gonna nap with me now?” He asked softly.

She nods her head, and cuddles further against him, happily.

The problem now was that she was falling for him, and it was getting harder to hide that. ___

It wasn’t until the next day at school that she felt these nerves build up again.  She wondered if waiting too long to tell their friends would look bac, or if they’d be upset with her for hiding this for so long, or if-

“If you keep thinking so hard, your head’s gonna pop right off, you know that, right?”

She almost jumped in the air when Richie appeared next to her in the hall, seemingly out of nowhere.  He chuckled at her reaction, walking with her to her locker.

“Jesus, babe, calm down, what’s going on?”

“Nothing” She says quickly, shaking her head, and giving him a bright, but forced, smile.

Richie was an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid.  He knew she was getting worked up over something.

“Come on (y/n/n), don’t bullshit me,” He says softly, and leans against the wall of lockers while she puts in the combination to hers.  “What’s wrong?” His hand reaches out to hers, but she pulls away before he can take it.

“Really, Rich, nothing, I’m just tired, okay?”

He knows she’s still lying, and right to his face no less, but he drops it.  

She doesn’t say anything else as she gets her things for first period.  He waits for her to say something, literally anything, but she’s dead silent, until the bell rings.

“Gotta go” She says quickly, barely looking at him, before heading off.  She didn’t even give him a chance to speak. ___

“Hey,” Richie whispers to Bill at some point in the middle of class.  “Has (y/n) said anything to you? Um, about me?”

Bill’s eyebrows furrow as he looks back at his friend.

“No?” He responds, confused by the question.  “W-why?”

“I don’t know… she just… was weird this morning-”

“Y-you probably annoyed h-her” Bill responds.

Richie shakes his head.

“But I didn’t do anything-”

“Sure,” Bill chuckles.  “W-why do y-you care a-anyway?”

He doesn’t say anything, just stares down at his notebook, while Bill studies him curiously.

“O-oh, please d-don’t tell me th-that you h-have a c-crush on (y/n).  W-what, are y-you secretly i-in love w-with her?”

A bit too late for that, Richie thinks to himself.

“No- I just-”

“Oh m-my god, you a-are” Bill says, and then lets out a groan that makes Richie grimace.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He asked.

“Mister Tozier,” Scolds their Calculus teacher, “Is there something you’d like to share with the class?”

“No, Miss Scottsdale-”

“Well then how about we watch our language, hm?” The woman asked, hands on her hips.  “Now zip the lip, and take the notes, please”

After a few minutes of taking notes, and keeping his head down so he didn’t get sent to the principal’s office for the third day in a row, he turned to Bill again, this time with an annoyed and expectant look on his face, silently asking why he’d reacted so horribly.

“O-obviously it’s not a g-good idea, Richie,” Bill says to him quietly.  “It’s (y/n)... sh-she’s our f-friend”

“And?” Richie shakes his head, his heart on a slow plummet to his stomach.

“And it w-wouldn’t work,” Bill chuckles at the mere idea of Richie and (y/n) being together.  “Y-you’re polar o-opposites”

Richie stares down at his empty notebook, and tried to shove the disappointment he felt way, way down.  He shouldn’t be so upset, he knows that Bill’s wrong, because he and (y/n) do work.  They work really well.

But it still sucks to hear from his best friend that he didn’t think they were a good fit.

“R-really, not a g-good fit, l-like at all, it w-would n-never-”

“Okay I fucking get it”

“Tozier! Office, now!”

He didn’t even care at that point, just grabbed his bag and books and bee-lined for the door. ___

(y/n) had been stuck on the same essay prompt for the past two hours.  She’d come straight home from school, sat down at her desk to get to work on her english project, and she hadn’t come up with one good idea for it.

She knew why.  Any other day, she could get to work and write the whole essay in one sitting.  But her mind was preoccupied, and unfortunately, this thing with Richie that she was in was taking up every thought in her brain.

He must have somehow known too, because next thing she knew, there was a knock on her window, and Richie Tozier himself was climbing in before she could even invite him.

“Richie,” The relief in her voice came out in a sigh as she stood up from her desk to walk over to him.  “You could’ve come in the front door, my parents aren’t home-”

Before she could even finish talking, he was wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning down to kiss her.  It was quick, but his lips were soft against hers.  She’s smiling against his lips, and she’s still smiling when he pulls away.

“Well hello to you too,” She murmurs, giggling nervously.  “What was that for?”

“I just missed you today,” He mumbles, a content smile growing on his lips.  “And I was worried about you”

“Worried about me?” She asks, tilting her head to the side.  “Why?”

“I just knew you were kinda… um… off this morning, and I- I wanted to make sure you’re feeling alright…” He licks his lips before continuing, “And feeling alright… about us…”

Her lips quirked up into a smile, and she laughed again, this time more genuinely.  Not because he was funny, but because he was so cute, and it was sweet that he came to check up on her.

“I’m okay, Rich,” She hums.  “This morning was nothing, you’ve got nothing to worry about”

He grins, pulling her closer, one of his hands reaching up to cradle the back of her head.  His fingers stroked through her hair for a moment, before tangling themselves in the roots and he spoke up again.

“You still like me and all that shit?” He asks, voice softer than she’d expected.

“Somehow, yes,” She teases.  “Of course, Rich,”

She leans up on the tips of her toes to press a reassuring kiss against his lips.

“You wanna stay over and watch a movie?”

He grins, nodding his head, and forgetting all about Bill’s stupid opinions for a minute.  And when she fell asleep curled up in his lap on the couch, he decided it didn’t matter what Bill thought- or what any of their friends might think.  He loved her so much that he thought his heart might explode if he looked at her any longer.

She always insisted that she wouldn’t fall asleep if they cuddled.  But then he’d start to feel her body slumping into his more, her head lying on his shoulder or his lap.  Then she’d request a back rub or a blanket and she’d be done for.  Out like a light.

Richie never minded.  He thought it was adorable that she’d get too cozy and drift off in his arms.  Her head was lying in his lap, legs curled up to preserve her own heat, and her arms tucked between her chest and his stomach.  Tonight, neither one of them wanted to move to get her a blanket, so Richie had shrugged off his jacket and laid it over her instead.

Looking at her now, he hoped she’d never want to get up, because he didn’t want to either.

“I can feel you staring at me,” She mumbles.  Her eyes don’t open, she’s still half asleep, but she just knows that he’s staring at her.  She can feel them boring holes into her.  “What’cha thinkin’ about, babe?”

Her hand reaches out towards his shirt, fisting the material.

“How pretty you are” He answers without missing a beat.

Always a charmer, (y/n) thinks as she lets out a short chuckle.

“Mhm,”

She looks up at him, eyes meeting his in an unamused stare.

“You’re pretty too,” She says, and smacks her lips in a playful air-kiss.  “Now come on, what’s goin’ on?”

He sighs, and reaches down to run a hand through her hair.  He does this a few times before finally speaking up.  She almost could’ve fallen back asleep.

“I just had a… a weird conversation with Bill,” He says, and she nods for him to go on.  “He just said some shit and it was annoying is all-”

“What’d he say?” She asked, leaning back on his legs to look up at him better.  “You guys didn’t fight, did you?”

“No, not really anyways, but he-”

“Richie-”

“He said we’re not a good fit” Richie said quickly, before he could get too nervous.

“What?” (y/n) blinked, eyes going wide.  “Did you tell him about us?”

“N-no, I just- see, he has this idea that I have a crush on you-”

“And you don’t have a crush on me?” She asks playfully, earning an eye roll from the boy.

“But he was really weird about it, (y/n/n).  He said it would never work”

(y/n) frowns, not because Bill had said something so blatantly idiotic, but because Richie was clearly very hurt by it.

“Richie,” She giggles, and her brows knit together.  “That’s nothing you have to worry about,”

She sits up in his lap, one of her hands brushing sweetly over his cheek, the other placed on his shoulder to keep her balanced.

“Don’t ever tell him I said this,” She whispers, “But he’s dumb,”

Richie snorts, and shakes his head at her.

“I’m serious, Rich, look at us,” She murmurs, thumb tracing over his cheekbone in the gentlest of ways..  “We’re a perfect fit,” She tells him, voice growing even softer as she looks him in the eyes.  “Bill doesn’t know what he’s talking about”

This makes him crack a smile- she’s so sugary sweet he swears she’s gonna give him cavities, or Type Two- but that would be alright by him.

“You’re right,” He hums, eyes lazily wandering the features of her face.  “We are perfect”

She giggles again, nodding as she leans in closer.

“How much more time do you need before you realize I’m always right?” She teases.  “Besides, Bill wouldn’t have said such a silly thing had he known the truth, you know that,” She reminds him.  “And, even if he was dumb enough to think that, I don’t care,”

Her eyes are soft, and focused on his so intently that all his worries disappear with her gaze.  It’s a superpower she has, he thinks, because no one and nothing else could work a magic like that on him.

“Because I really like you, and I really like being with you, even if it’s just for a couple hours a week”

She gives him a timid smile, but when he grins back at her it grows.

One of his arms wraps around her back to pull her flush against his chest, and his free hand cradles her cheek to bring her face closer to his.

“Why are you so goddamn cute?” He murmurs, lips barely brushing over hers as she speaks.

She wastes no more time as she closes the distance between them, slanting her lips over his delicately.  Her fingers spread over his cheek as she leans fully against him so that the kiss could last as long as possible- unfortunately, they need air eventually.

When they do, she nuzzles her nose against his affectionately.

There’s three words that her brain and her heart are collectively screaming at her to say, but they catch in her throat, and her nerves force her to swallow them.

Another time, maybe.

She doesn’t know that Richie is dealing with the same struggle.  His anxiety gets the best of him as well, and he settles for holding her a little bit tighter and kissing her again.  Which will certainly do for now. ___

It takes him a week to muster up the courage, and he knows just what to do.

(y/n) had just left lunch, and the class she had after was the only class she had without one of the Loser’s in it.  She didn’t know how she got so unlucky to be in the class by herself, but Richie had known it was the only time she was alone, so it was the perfect time to plant it.

She went to her locker, dropping off her books from her previous class, and replacing them with the next one.  It wasn’t until she moved to close the locker door that she noticed it.

It was a polaroid, taped onto the inside of the door.

A picture she surprisingly hadn’t taken, but she couldn’t have, because she was asleep in the photo.  Passed out on Richie’s chest, who was very awake.  There was a bright grin on his lips, and she could see that he’d wrapped one arm around her to keep her secure against him, while the other was outstretched above them with the camera angled downwards to snap the photo.

The picture alone was enough to make her whole day- hell, her whole week.  It was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen.  But it was what he’d scribbled below it that made it perfect.

I love you.  

She knew just from the neat letters that he’d carefully written it, since it wasn’t in Richie’s usual chicken scratch.  

Carefully, she pulled the photo off of the door, smiling uncontrollably as she stared at it, wanting it glued to her memory.

With only a few minutes left before class, she held it to her chest, before sticking it back on the door, and shutting it safely inside her locker.

The smile on her face lasted the entire day. ___

The next time she saw Richie was two days later.

The Losers had all gotten together for a night of video games and junk.  Ben had just gotten the new Atari, so they found themselves clumped together in his living room, hogging the game and the couch cushions.

It was the first time that (y/n) found it incredibly hard not to throw herself at Richie.  She was typically pretty good at controlling herself, or at least talking herself down.  But she’d never felt something so strong, and she just wanted to tell him she loved him and kiss him senseless.

That was pretty reasonable, she thought.

“So, Richie” Stan speaks up with a snicker, and the look in his eyes already has Richie annoyed.

“What?” he mutters back, casting a momentary glance towards his girlfriend, who’s standing between the kitchen and the living room.  

She’d been lingering there while there were pizzas in the oven, walking into the room occasionally to watch her friends play games and cheer them on.

“Bill told me about your crush” Stan continues, and it appears that Bill told everyone, because now there are six pairs of eyes on him, waiting for his response.

“Take a fuckin picture,” He grumbles.  “And Stan, why don’t you cut the eleven-year-old-girl-drama, it’s not a good look on you”

“You’ve got a crush?” Beverly speaks up, eyes lighting up with excitement, because finally something interesting with one of these boys happened.

“He does!” Ben says before Richie has the chance to speak for himself.

(y/n), who’s still standing just a few feet away from the drama, is silent.  She knows that even if she tried to jump in and save him, it would only get worse.  So when he looked at her subtly, she gave the smallest of shrugs, as though to tell him to do whatever he wanted.

“Yeah,” Richie sighs in defeat.  “I do”

“On who?” Beverly questions him again, and he doesn’t bother saying anything, because almost everyone is eager to tell her.

“(y/n)!”

They must have all shouted it at once, and then each of them turned to the girl mentioned, as though waiting for her reaction, which she doesn’t give them.  She remains still, and quiet.  Her eyes do travel to Richie, however, who’s rolling his eyes incredibly far back into his head.

Stan starts to laugh, which makes Bill start to laugh as well.  The others give a few chuckles and giggles, but it’s not the same, and Richie knows it.

They’re laughing at him, and it drives him crazy.

He waits for them to stop, giving them both death glares before looking to (y/n), who’s nervously staring down at the floor, lost as to what to do to fix this awkward situation.

“You know what?” Richie speaks up, and he shoots straight out of his seat.  The laughing doesn’t cease, but he doesn’t care.  “Fuck you.  Fuck both of you,”

The boys are wiping tears from their eyes as Richie whirls around, hurdling over the back of the couch to cross the room to (y/n).

“And fuck this, I’m tired of not getting to do this all the time” He says, surprising her and everyone else in the room when he cups her face in his hands and passionately kisses her.

A short squeak of astonishment dies in the back of her throat as she melts into the kiss, and soon she’s delightedly wrapping her arms around his neck to keep him at her level so that she can continue kissing him.

Richie seemed to want to give their friends a show, anyways.

He pulls away all too soon, letting out a dramatic sigh of relief.

“I’m fucking in love with her, okay?” He says to the others.  “There.  Now you know.  We’re all on the same page now”

No one says anything, shell-shocked by what had just happened in front of them.  Richie was proud to see so many jaws on the floor.

(y/n) reaches out to take his chin in her fingers, turning his head back to look at her.

“I love you too,” She whispered with a smile.  “I tried to tell you the other night- last week- I just, um, was too scared” She tells him sheepishly.

“Me too,” he chuckles, and pushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Their friends are still wordlessly watching the scene before them.

“Did you like the picture though? I thought that was a pretty damn good idea”

“It was,” (y/n) laughs.  “I loved it, it’s still there, I’ll keep it for-”

“I’m sorry,” Mike is the first to come to his senses.  He’s pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, like it’s physically troubling him to process this.  “Are you two dating?”

(y/n) and Richie share a sheepish look before nodding back at him.

“Y-you were t-together th-this whole t-time?” Bill asks.  “Richie, I- I’m so s-sorry-”

“I know man, it’s alright,” Richie says dismissively.  “You didn’t know we were perfect for each other.  Really though, her mouth fits perfect around-”

“Beep beep!” (y/n) shrieks, swatting at his stomach before he can even think about finishing that sentence.

Not that he has to.  The smirk on his face speaks for itself.

“I- I have so many questions,” Eddie shakes his head.  “Number one, why? And number two, (y/n), blink twice if he’s making you go out with him against your will”

“Jesus Christ Eds” Richie grumbled, but (y/n) finds it hilarious.

“How long have you been dating?” Ben asks, smiling between the unexpected pair.

“Five and a half months” Richie answers, because (y/n) is still laughing.  He wraps his arms around her tight and pushing her face into his chest to muffle the laughing.

“So, uh, is it always gonna be like this now?” Stan asks, a cringe taking over his face that he tried to hide, but he couldn’t help it.

“Yep!” Richie announces, squeezing (y/n) tighter when she tries to shuffle out of his arms.  “You’re just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it”

“Yeah, I managed to, you guys can too” (y/n) says, voice muffled in his sweatshirt.

“Would you shut the fuck up please?” He muttered down to her.  “You’re makin’ me look bad”

“So you guys are like…” Mike glances to the others before continuing, “Full on married”

“How did we not notice?” Eddie mumbles.

“Richie’s surprisingly good at keeping his hands to himself” (y/n) answers with a grin, and this time it’s his turn to whack her in the shoulder.

The oven beeps then, and finally he lets her out of his hold to go get the pizzas.

“I honestly… can’t believe it” Beverly says once (y/n’s) gone.

“Yeah… (y/n)? Going out with you?” Eddie adds with a snicker.

“I mean, how did you even-”

“Actually, she asked me out” Richie says, before anyone else can say anything.

That seems to throw them for a loop again, and he just laughs as he walks into the kitchen after his girlfriend, leaving his friends to discuss just how the hell this all happened.

“Having fun?” (y/n) hums while she’s slicing up the pizzas on the kitchen counter.  She sends Richie a smile over her shoulder for a moment.

He leans in from behind her to swiftly press a kiss to her cheek, before sitting on the counter next to her.

“Oh yeah,” He answers.  “Especially now that I get to do that whenever I want”

She grins, and he takes one of the slices of pizza.

“So, are you gonna tell them that you begged me to go out with you, or…?”

“Nope.  I’m just gonna fuck with them a little bit.  They’re already going nuts out there”

She laughs, nodding her head.  She expected no less from him.

“Alright dummy, help me carry these out” She says, holding a pan of sausage pizza out for him.

“Oh, I see, you want a big sausage pizz-”

“No- nope,” She shoved a hand over the boy’s mouth.  “I want you to help me take these out to the living room” (y/n) says, before nodding her head for him to get moving.

“Fine, babe,” Richie sighs rather theatrically, and slides off the counter.  “Maybe later then?”

She giggles, and pushes his shoulders so he’ll walk faster.

“Maybe”

___

xoxo ~ jordie

[hockeynascarfan91258]

A/N: Links to Chapter 1-3 posted at bottom of page!

Chapter 4

It had been a few days since Eden left Sids after they raped her.    She called out sick from work she couldn't face them.    The team was headed out to California and Eden asked if she could fly out and meet the team there.    They said that was fine.     Eden went out a day early and did some sight seeing.       It was nice.     The team arrived later that day.     She had just gotten finished eating when there was a knock at the door.    Eden goes and sees it was Sid.

"Eden please open the door." Sid says.

He had carnations her favorite in his hands and a stuffed Panda bear too.   Eden figured she might as well hear him out.    She opens the door.  

"What Sid?" Eden says.

"I am sorry for what I did to you the other day." Sid says.

"Oh you mean raping me when I said no." Eden replies snarky.

"Yes I am sorry baby.   It will never happen again.     Kris is sorry too these are from us." Sid says.

"Look let's just let by gones be bygones.   I  won't say anything about what happened.   I won't tell your secret." Eden says.

"Please baby.    Think about it.    We really do love you." Sid says.

"Okay I will think about it okay." Eden says.

"Good baby.    We love you and don't want to loose you." Sid says.

"I will think about it okay.   Now I just want to go lie down.   I am not feeling well." Eden says.

"Okay feel better." Sid says kissing her softly on the lips.

"Thanks Sid.   Goodnight I will see you at practice tomorrow." Eden replies.

"Okay baby." Sid says kissing her head.

Eden took the flowers and Panda and shut the door behind him.    She wasn't thinking about anything she was walking out of this and going to be with Chase.  

That was when her phone went off. It was Chase.

"Meet me down in the lobby." Chase texts.

"Wait you're here!" Eden texts back.

"Yup got a race here in Cali and then racing Phoenix and Vegas." Chase says.

"Let me change and I'll be right down." Eden says.

She throws on a pair of jeans and a black be brave shirt.    She then heads down to the lobby.

Chase was standing there waiting for her. She runs to him.

"Chase." Eden exclaims practically jumping on him.

"Hey princess." Chase says kissing her.

Eden kisses back not caring who was watching.

"I'm so happy you are here." Eden says.

"I am happy too I get too see my girl. Now let's go I have a special date planned just the two of us." Chase says.

They link hands and head out to them rental car. They both get in. Chase takes off towards San Diego.

"Where are we going?" Eden asks.

"You will see." Chase says smiling at her.

45 minutes later they arrive at the zoo.

"The San Diego Zoo!" Eden  says excitedly.

'Well I know how much you love animals especially pandas so I figured I needed to bring you." Chase  says.

They park. They then head to the entrance. Chase  pays for them them. They find out there was a bus called the Kangaroo Bus that would drop them off at various parts of the park. They get on the bus and it takes them to the first part of the zoo. The Australian Outback. Inside there they see the Australian Wander which was full of plants that come from down under, along with Camels, Koalas. Laughing Kookabura's, Tasmanian Devils and Wombats.

It was fun. They got to hold a koala, play with a kangaroo and ride a camel together.

Eden was taking all kinds of pictures.

From there they head into the Lost Forest exhibit,. There they see Bog Garden, Bonabo's , Fern Canyon, Flamingos, Ginger Garden, harpy eagels, Hawaiian pants, Hippo's, Mandrills, Monkey's, Okapi's, orangutans, Otter's and pygmy Hippos pygmy marmosets, Tapirs, terrace lagoon, and Tigers.

"I want a hippo for Christmas is one of my favorite Xmas songs so I love hippos." Eden says.

"They are intriguing animals." Chase says.

They continue on. They were holding hands and acting like a real couple and Eden was loving it. They then get on the Kangaroo bus and head to the nest spot for them. They then do the Panda Canyon, where they see Amur Leopard's, Giant Panda's red pandas and Takins.

"Pandas are my absolute favorite animal in the whole wide world." Eden says.

"I know now come with me." Chase says.

They head behind the habitat where they met a zookeeper. Chase paid extra for them to be able to play with one of the panda's. It was one of the Cubs born not that long ago. Also Eden was adopting it and could name it. Eden was having the time of her life. Chase had them take picture and a video. She ended up naming the bear Chase. Finally they leave.

"Thank you for doing that for me. I love it." Eden says.

"I am glad baby." Chase says.

That was when Eden ran to the trash can and threw up. Chase held her hair back. He also got her ginger Ale.

"Do you want to go home?" Chase asks.

"Nope I'm okay now." Eden says.

They then head to the Africa Rocks where they got to see and play with the penguins.

They head around the zoo seeing more different animals. They saved the best for last where Eden  got to see the polar bears another one of her favorites. It was neat to see them out playing. Eden  took more pictures.    Finally they headed to the gift shop and Eden got a few things. Chase got her a few things as well and they left.

"Thank you Clyde for a much needed fun day." Eden says.

"You are welcome Princes." Chase says.

"Our first official date." Eden says.

"And it's not over yet." Chase says.

They hop in the car and head back towards Los Angeles.    Chase heads to Disneyland and parks.

"Disneyland baby?" Eden asks.

"But of course. Have to take my Princess to the happiest place on earth." Chase replies.

"I love you." Eden says.

"I love you more princess." Chase replies kissing her hand.

He then gets out of the car and gets her door. Eden gets out and they head to Disneyland hand in hand. They head inside and   stop first at Sleeping Beauty's castle and have someone take a picture of them in front.   

They got a few different ones including of one of them kissing.   After that they head to start riding rides.   They  get on Alice and Wonderland, Astro Orbiter, Autopia, Big Thunder Mountain, Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters, Casey Jr. Circus Train, Chip and Dale's tree house, the Disney Gallery, Disney Railroad, The Disneyland Story presenting Great moments with Mr. Lincoln, Donald's Boat, Enchanted Tiki Room, Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage, Frontierland Shootin' Exposition, Gadget's Go Coaster, Goofy's playhouse, Indiana Jones adventure, It's a small world, Jungle Cruise, King Arthur's Carrousel, Mad Tea Party, Main Street Cinema, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mark Twain Riverboat, Matterhorn Bobsleds, Mickey's house and meet Mickey, Minnie's house, Mr. Toads Wild Ride, Peter Pan's Flight, Pincchio's Darin Journey, Pirates Lair on Tom Sawyers Island, Pirates of the Caribbean, Roger Rabbits Car Toon Spin, Snow Whites Scary adventure, Space Mountain, Star Tours The Adventure continues, Star wars Launch Bay, Star Wars Path of the Jedi, Storybook land canal boats, Tarzan's treehouse, Dumbo the flying elephant, Haunted Mansion, Main street vehicles, Splash Mountain, Davey Crockett's Explorer canoes, and Sailing Ship Colombia.  

"I am hungry." Eden says after they finished riding the rides.

"Me too." Chase  replies.

"Let's  eat and then we can continue on." Eden  says.

"Sounds good.:" Chase  says.

They decide to eat at the Carnation Café.    They both get burgers and fries and milkshakes.    After they eat they head and do a few shows.   They do a Star Wars Character Experience and then they do Jedi Training.   That was fun they then meet fairy friends at Pixie Hallow and meet the Disney princess at Royal Hall. Chase took a few pictures of Eden. He got a her few things. He figured for Halloween she could be a princess and he would be a race car driver.

They  continue on and get on Animation Academy, Fliks Flyers, Francis Ladybug Boggie, Golden Zephyr, Goofy's sky school, Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakout, Heimlich's chew chew train, it's tough to be a bug, Jumpin Jellyfish, King Triton's carousel, The Little Mermaid: Ariel's undersea adventure, Luigi's Rollickin Roadsters, Maters Junkyard Jamboree, Monsters Inc. Mike and Sully to the rescue, Princess Dot Puddle Park, Radiator Springs racers, Red car trolley, Silly Symphony Swings, Soarin around the world, Sorcerers workshop, Toy Story Midway Mania, Tuck and Rolls Drive em buggies, Turtle Talk with Crush, The Bakery Tour, California Screamin, Games of the Boardwalk, Grizzly River run, Mickey's Fun Wheel, Redwood Creek Challenge trail, Frozen at Disneyland resort, and Guardians of the Galaxy: Monsters after dark.

They then head and see Ana and Elsa's Royal Welcome, Frozen Live at Hyperion, Meet Olaf, and Meet the Residents of Radiator Springs in Cars land.

Finally, they head back to the car and head to Universal Studios.   They go inside and get on rides.   They ride on Harry Potter and the Forbidden journey, The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter, Flight of the Hippogrif, Fast and the Furious Supercharged, King Kong 360, The Walking Dead attraction, Despicable Me Minion Mayhem, Jurassic Park the ride, Transformers The ride, The Simpson Ride, Revenge of the Mummy Ride, Super Silly Fun Land, Sill Swirly Fun Ride, Special Effects show, Water World, Universal's animal actors, and Charter sightings.

They finish everything they wanted to do at the park before heading back to the car.

They then head back to the car and back to the track. Chase  had something special planned for them. He had it set up and ready to go.

"What's this?" Eden says seeing a table set up for two.

"Dinner for two baby." Chase says.

"Awww Clyde." Eden says kissing him.

Chase kisses back. He then helps her sit down.

He goes and heats up their food. He had made chicken parmigiana and noodles along with a salad. When it was done he sits it in the table and then takes his seat. They each take a piece of chicken and some noodles.   They then add a little bit more sauce to each before sprinkling it with parmesan cheese.   They put some salad in their salad bowls and add the dressing.   Chase pours them each a glass of wine.

Eden takes a bite of the food and then says

"Oh my god it tastes as good as it smells."

"Thanks.   The sauce is my mothers homemade recipe." Chase  says.

"Well it's good." Eden  says.

They eat and enjoy each others company.   Once they finished Eden helped Chase  clean up and put the leftovers away and load the dishwasher.

"The flowers are for you." Chase says to her.

"Thank you Clyde.  Carnations are my favorite flower and pink is my favorite color." Eden  says.

"I know baby." Chase says.

"So wha are we going to watch?" Eden  asks.

"Since  I know how much you love scary movies I have the Conjuring universe movies ready to go." Chase replies.

"Lead the way." Eden says.

Chase lead her to the game room.   They both sit on the couch as Chase turns on the Nun.   The movie starts.    Not even five minutes into it Chase jumps at a scary part.

"Damn." Chase says.

"You really hate scary movies don't you?" Eden asks.

"Yes I do.    But I will watch them because I know you like them." Chase says.

"Well I will keep you safe Clyde." Eden says.

"I know." Chase says as another scary part happens.

They movie went on.   Eden felt him get a little tense and knew he was scared so she leaned in a little closer trying to comfort him.   Chase puts his arm around her pulling her closer to him.  She leaned her head on his shoulder.  

It got to the part where the priest was buried A alive.    Chase started to shake.   That was one of his phobias being trapped someplace not being able to get out.   He was claustrophobic.

"Oh Chase." Eden says leaning in placing a soft kiss on his lips.

She would do anything at that moment to make him feel better.   She never experienced a man so vulnerable.

Chase kisses back putting his hands on each side of her cheeks.  Eden parts her lips slightly.   Chase deepens the kiss exploring her mouth with his tongue.

"Mmm." Chase moans deep in his throat.

"Mmm." Eden moans too.

"God Princess ." Chase says once they both come up for air.

"You are a good kisser Clyde." Eden says.

"So are you Princess." Chase replies.

  She looks deep into his eyes and sees a bunch of emotion swirling in them.

Chase leans in kissing her again pulling her all but into his lap.   His hands roam up the back of her shirt setting her skin on fire. 

"God Clyde take me to bed." Eden moans when he let her up for air again.

"God baby are you sure?" Chase asks.

"God yes." Eden says she wanted him so bad.

Chase picks her up carrying her into his bedroom.   He sits her on her feet closing the door.    Once the door was closed Eden pushes him up against it.

"Eden." Chase moans.

"I want you and I am going to take you." Eden says.

"I want you too." Chade says.

She starts to lift his shirt up placing soft kisses along his chest as she does.

"Fuck." Chase moans.

Once she gets the shirt up and and over his she throws it to the floor.

"You have the most amazing body Clyde." Eden says running her nails lightly down his chest to the band of his jeans.

"Thanks Princess oh god." Chase moans as she pops open the button and pulls the zipper down running her finger up his happy trail.

She works the jeans down his hips kissing his stomach with light fluttery kisses as she does.  Chase just moans.

She then works his boxer briefs down as well freeing his rock hard cock.   Eden licks her lips.  She places soft kisses on his stomach again before running her tongue down his happy trail.   She places soft kisses on each thigh before slowly taking his cock into her mouth.

"Fuck Eden." Chase moans running his fingers through her hair.

She sucks him in nice and slow running her tongue along the underside of his shaft.   She looks up locking eyes with him.   She keeps sucking him in and out of her mouth slowly.

"Fuck Eden that's it suck my dick baby." Chase moans gently pulling her hair as he starts to thrust.

Eden kept going slowly torturing him bringing him to the verge of cumming.

"God baby I am going to cum." Chase moans he didn't know what she wanted.

Eden gently starts to play with his balls never taking her eyes off him.

"Princess oh god." Chase moans as he cums hard down her throat.

Eden swallows every drop before slowly licking him clean.   She then slowly works her way back up his body pulling him in for a kiss.   She explores every inch of his mouth with her tongue letting him taste himself on her lips and tongue.   Chase slowly backs her towards the bed.  He breaks the kiss long enough to pull her shirt over her head tossing it.

"Jesus Eden that bra." Chase moans seeing it.

He pulls one strap down kissing her shoulder as he does.  Then kisses the other as he pulls that strap down.   He sucks and licks the tops of each breast peaking out from the cup.   He pulls the cups down taking one in his mouth running a circle around her nipple with his tongue before sucking on it gently nibbling on it bringing it to a peak.

"Clyde." Eden moans running her fingers in his hair.  

Chase moves to the other breast doing the same thing.   He slowly unclasps the bra pulling it off tossing it aside as well.    He then kisses softly down her stomach to the band of her jeans. 

He uses his teeth to pop open the button lightly nibbling on her belly as he slowly inches them down her hips and legs. Eden steps out of them kicking off her shoes.

"God baby those panties.  God so wet." Chase moans running his mouth over her pussy smelling her juices.

He then slowly works them down over her hips and down her legs.     Eden kicks them off.   He then slowly kisses his way up her legs placing a kiss on each thigh.   He blows cool breath across her mound as she slowly spreads her legs.   He runs his tongue up and down her slit before pushing inside starting to fuck her with his tongue. 

Not long after he started Eden gently pulls his hair pulling him away from her.

"Fuck me Clyde." Eden  says all but begging him.

"God okay baby."  Chase says kissing his way up her body.   He picks her up kissing her letting her taste her on his lips and tongue and gently lays her down on the bed.

"God please Clyde I need you inside me now." Eden moans.

"God baby." Chase moans as he gently pushes inside her.

"God yes." Eden moans as he starts to thrust gently at first.

He wanted to go slow letting her adjust to his size.   She was so tight and wet.

"Jesus Eden you feel so good.  Like a glove." Chase moans.

"God fuck me Clyde hard and fast." Eden moans digging her nails into his back.

Chase moves a little harder and faster.   Eden wraps her legs around his waist letting him go deeper inside her.

"Eden oh god." Chase moans going even harder.

"Clyde god that's it." Eden moans as he stretched her even further.

She throws her head back arching into him.  It felt so good.

"God baby I am not going to last." Chase moans

"Cum baby let me feel it." Eden monas.

"Eden sweet Eden." Chase moans looking deep into her eyes as he cums hard deep inside her.

"Clyde oh god." Eden moans shuttering as her orgasm rushes through her.

She cums with him feeling him coat her insides.   She just moans as her body shutters from the pleasure.

Chase kisses her gently on the lips and then the jaw and neck as they ride it out.   

"God Clyde again  I need you again." Eden moans.

She just wanted to feel that good again and not think about anything.

"Okay Eden but this time it will be nice and slow." Chase says.

"Please." Eden begs.

Chase starts to move again inside her taking it nice and slow.

"Eden god." Chase moans loving being inside her.

"Clyde god." Eden moans as he slowly builds her up.

"So close." Eden moans.

"Cum baby." Chase moans.

"Clyde." Eden moans as she cums.

"That's it baby milk my release." Chase moans as he cums again inside her.

They make love a few more times before Eden's eyelashes started to flutter.   Chase gets up.

"Where are you going?" Eden asks sleepily.

"Shhh baby I will be back." Chase says kissing her softly on the lips.

He goes into the bathroom grabbing a wash cloth wetting it with warm water.   He then comes over and gently wipes her down cleaning her.

He goes and tosses the rag in the hamper and then climbs into bed beside her.   She curls up to him laying her head on his chest.   Chase pulls the blanket up over them kissing her head as they both fall asleep.

**************************

The next morning Eden and Chase woke up when the alarm went off.

"Good morning baby:" Chase says.

"Good morning, oh god." Eden says getting up and running to the bathroom.

She made it just in time to empty her stomach in the toilet. Chase was right behind her. She got her everything up. Chase then picks her up gently and carries her back to bed.

"Sorry baby." Eden says.

"For what?" Chase asks.

"Getting sick." Eden replies.

"It's okay." Chase replies.

"I need to go back. I have to change before I head to practice." Eden replies.

"Yeah I know. I am glad I was able to see you." Chase says.

"Me too I will try and make the race on Sunday." Eden adds.

Chase smiles. He gives her a few shirts from his collection. They then head to the car and head back to Eden's hotel.

"I will see you later princess. I love you." Chase says.

"I will see you later Clyde. I love you too." Eden replies.

They share a few more kisses not wanting to part ways. But finally Eden heads inside and up to her room. She showered and got dressed and then heads down to the bus. Once everyone was on they head to the arena. Eden goes and gets the exam room set up in case they would need it for anything. That was when she felt arms snake around her waist.

"Hey baby, I missed you last night." Sid says.

"Hi Sid. Sorry I was so tired. Still getting used to the time change." Eden replies lying.

She didn't know what he would do if he knew she was with Chase. She was scared of him. It sucked cus she had a contract and had to work with the Penguins until the end of the 2021 season. Even though she wanted to quit.

"I know it can take effect on you but you will get used to it." Sid says.

"I know. Don't you have practice?" Eden asks.

" I do but I wanted to know if you were doing anything after?" Sid asks.

"No I don't. Sunday I am going to the NASCAR race before the game that night. But nothing today." Eden replies.

"Okay maybe I can come to your room, we can order room service and watch movies." Sid says.

"Okay." Eden says.

"Good see you then." Sid replies.

"Is Kris coming too?" Eden asks.

"Nope just me this time." Sid says.

"Okay." Eden replies.

Sid kisses her and leaves to attend practice. Eden grabs a little something from the snack bar and goes and watches practice. Halfway through Kris took a high stick to the face and there was blood.

"I got it." Eden says.

Kris comes down the runway and into the exam room. Eden follows him in. Kris was sitting on the table.

"Damn that hurt like a son of a bitch." Kris says.

"Sorry Kris." Eden says dabbing the blood away with a towel.

"It's okay. Is it bad?" Kris asks.

"Yes going to need stitches but shouldn't keep you out of the game tomorrow." Eden says.

"Good." Kris says.

Eden stitches him up. Kris puts his hand over hers.

"Thank you. Sorry for the other day Eden. Are you okay?" Kris asks.

"Yeah I'm okay. And your welcome it's my job." Eden says.

"I know. Im still thankful for you." Kris says.

"I know. I don't know what's going to happen between us but I promise I won't tell anyone about you and Sid. I just don't think I can do this. It took me to moving away and being away from him to realize how much I love Chase." Eden says.

"I know I can tell. Look if you want out that is fine. I know you won't tell anyone about me and Sid but I don't know if Sid will let you go." Kris says.

"I know." Eden says.

"Did you ever love us?" Kris asks.

"I loved you Kris you never hurt me.   Sid in the other hand." Eden says looking down.

"I'm sorry he hurt you Eden." Kris says lifting her head up.

He leans in and kisses her.    Eden kisses back.

"God." Eden moans as she pulls away.

"Go lock the door." Kris says.

Eden goes and locks the door.     She comes back over and climbs into his lap.

"God." Eden moans as he shreds her panties.

"I like skirts." Kris says.

"God." Eden moans as Kris pushes up into her.

"Ride me pretty girl. You know you want to." Kris says.

"God Kris." Eden moans as she starts to move up and down.

"That's it pretty girl." Kris says grabbing her hips.

They needed to be faster. Kris took control of their movements. Eden bit her arm throwing her head back to keep from screaming out. Kris nips and sucks her neck as they move.

"Eden fuck." Kris calls out as he cums hard deep inside of her.

"Kris. "Eden moans out as she cums with him.

They ride it out and Kris picks her up off of him. He stands up and fixes himself.

Kris then kisses her head before walking out the door. Eden collected herself. She then cleans up the exam room and prepared it from the game tomorrow. She then heads out and gets on the bus.

Once all the boys were on board they all head back to the hotel. Eden goes up to her room. She changes into her new Chase Elliott shirt and a pair of lounge pants. She wasn't feeling the greatest. She was laying down when there was a knock at her door. She gets up and opens it. Sid was there with room service and flowers.

"Come in." Eden says letting him in.

"Thanks." Sid says kissing her cheek.

Eden shuts the door.

"What did you bring?" Eden asks.

"Chicken noodle soup and ginger ale. Because I know you said you weren't feeling good." Sid says.

"I am not." Eden replies.

"I am sorry. Well let's eat and then we can relax and watch something on Netflix or something." Sid says.

Eden nods her head yes. So far it was going okay and she wasn't afraid. This was the Sid she started dating. They ate the soup and Eden nibbled the saltines. She sipped the ginger ale. Finally they laid in bed and Eden turned on Netflix. She turned on Sweet Home Alabama one of her favorite movies. She started to think about Chase. This movie was the story of their lives. Sid started to kiss her. Eden kisses back closing her eyes. As they were making out Sid runs his hands down her body. He runs them down her pants and under wear rubbing her pussy before sticking a finger in.

"Hmm nice and wet for me pretty girl." Sid says.

"Yes." Eden moans. She was pretending it was Chase.

"Want me to fuck you pretty girl?" Sid asks.

"Please." Eden begs.

Sid slides her pants and panties off followed by his jeans and boxer briefs. He then hovers over her running his tip along her entrance.

"Soaking for daddy." Sid moans.

"God don't tease." Eden begs.

Sid pushes into her and starts to move thrusting hard and fast.

"Fuck baby." Sid moans as she moves with him.

She wrapped her legs around his waist letting him go deeper.

"God." Eden moans digging her nails into his back.

She still had her eyes closed pretending it was Chase fucking her.

"That's it pretty girl milk my cock baby get ready to take my cum." Sid moans.

"GOd." Eden moans she was almost there.

"Fuck Eden god." Sid moans as he cums hard pumping her pussy full of his cum.

"Clyde oh god Clyde." Eden calls out as she cums too.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" Sid shouts slapping her.

Eden's eyes flashed open and she realized that by her fantasizing about Chase she called out his name.

"Umm." Eden says.

"Did you call me Clyde? Were you thinking about another man while I was fucking you." Sid screams at her.

Eden was so scared she didn't know what to say.

"Answer me you ungrateful ass whore." Sid screams.

"Yes I am so disgusted by you and how you treat me that in order for me to even attempt to have sex I have to think about Chase so I can get off." Eden screams out pushing him off of her.

She gets up off the bed. She was going to hide in the bathroom or something. She had her cell phone.

"You fucking whore. Don't you ever push me again or I will rip your hair out and choke you with it." Sid yells grabbing her hair pulling her back to him.

"Ow you are hurting me." Eden says.

"You think I fucking care. I hope it hurts. Remeber I am the only guy besides Kris who can cum in your sweet pussy. We are the only ones who can fuck you." Sid says.

"Fuck off Sid. I want out of this. I can't stand you. I fucking hate you. Get out." Eden screams turning around wailing out on him.

"You want to hit me bitch. I am going to show you." Sid says.

He picks her up throwing her back into the mirror glass shattering. He bashes her head against it not caring that it busted her head open. He then throws her down onto the floor throwing the mirror down on top of her covering her in glass.

"I will kill you before I ever let you leave." Sid says.

"Please I need help." Eden cries out.

"Fuck that bleed for all I care. If I can't have you no one will." Sid says as he kicks her hard.

Eden whimpers. Sid then leaves the room door slamming behind him. Eden still had her cell phone. It took everything in her to dial his number.

"Hey Princess." Chase says answering on the first ring.

"Chase help. I am hurt." Eden says.

"Eden? Where are you?" Chase asks panicked.

"Hotel Chase. Hurry." Eden says before she blacked out.

"Hang tight princess. I am coming to get you." Chase says.

You ever love somebody so much

You can barely breathe, when you're with them, you meet

And neither one of you, even know what hit 'em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills, used to get 'em

Now you're getting fucking sick, of looking at 'em

You swore you've never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em

Now you're in each other's face,

Spewing venom in your words, when you spit 'em

You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em

Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments, when you're in 'em

It's the rage that took over it controls you both

So they say it's best, to go your separate ways

Guess that they don't know ya 'cause today, that was yesterday

Yesterday is over, it's a different day

Sound like broken records, playin' over, but you promised her

Next time you'll show restraint

You don't get another chance

Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave

Out the window, guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright, because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright, because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

[mieteve-minijoma]

So This Is Christmas - A Bughead Secret Santa Fic

Here is my Bughead Secret Santa Fic/Gift for @madsinwonderland (or mysweetjughead)! I hope you like it!!! Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you and your family! 🎄⛄🎅🦌💋

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twas the morning of christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... well, except for the twins inside the Jones house. Fresh snow had fallen the night before, insuring a white christmas for all the residents in the sleepy town of Riverdale. In a newly renovated home, just on the Southside of town, two little girls lay awake, waiting to hear Santa Clause come to deliver their gifts.

“Do you think Santa has come yet, Maggie?” Seven year old Juliet Jones whispered in the darkness of early morning to her twin sister, Margeret. Maggie looked down at her sister from the top bunk, her green doe-eyes wide in wonder and a grin splitting her face.

“Should we go check?” Maggie asked her sister in a hushed whisper, excited to be able to unwrap her gifts. She had not heard Santa come yet but he may have came and they just didn’t know it. When she thought about it for a moment longer though, she chewed her bottom lip and said, “What if Momma catches us, Jules? I don’t want to get in trouble.” 

“We won’t, silly! We will be super quiet and then no one will catch us, I promise! Come on, let’s go see if Santa came!” Momma and Daddy are probably still asleep anyway so they will never know if we stay quiet, Juliet thought slyly. Her Aunt Jelly had told her that if she waited up long enough that she was sure to catch Santa when he came and Juliet was determined to catch him this year. 

The two girls snuck out of their bunk beds quietly and made sure to creep past their little brother’s room so as not to wake the toddler. They crept up to their parents door and pressed their ears against it to listen. They didn’t hear anything from inside so they figured they were in the clear. 

They both grinned and tip-toed away from the door, both confident that they would catch a glimpse of Santa in the act. As they approached the stairs, they heard faint sounds and talking coming from downstairs and both got excited and snuck further down the hall to see if Santa was here.

*    *    *

Betty Jones was busy tucking the remainder of her children’s presents under the tree while her husband finished off the milk and cookies they had laid out in a hurry before the kids could see him. She rubbed her slightly rounded belly, feeling their fourth child squirming and dancing around as if she were a dancer in a ballet. She felt content in this moment and turned to watch her husband enjoy the cookies she and her daughters baked earlier that day. 

“I swear, I think your daughter is trying to dance to the ‘Sugar Plum Fairies’ on my bladder right now,” Betty chuckled at him as Jughead looked up at her in confusion before grinning as he swallowed a mouth full of chocolate chip cookie. 

“What?” he asked as he brushed cookie crumbs off his shirt, a sheepish look on his face. Betty giggled and stepped closer to him, wiping the milk mustache off his face. She sat in his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a soft kiss to his lips.

“Your daughter is wide awake right now,” Betty said with a grin. Jughead laughed and wrapped an arm around his wife, placing his other hand on her belly to feel the flutters of the baby’s kicks against his palm.

“So she is, Betts. She will make an adorable Sugar Plum Fairy when she is old enough, I just know it.” He smiled at his wife, peaking kisses all over her face as she giggled.

“You know, if the girls see that you ate Santa’s cookies and milk we will both have some explaining to do, right?” Betty arched her brow and gave him a mocking stern look.

“I know, but they are still asleep. Speaking of which... Since everything is all done, what do you say we go spend the rest of the morning in bed? Just the two of us,” Jughead rasped, running his hand up the back of her pajama shirt as Betty gave him a knowing look. He cupped her cheek and kissed her passionately. Betty ran her hands into his hair, opening her mouth to allow him to explore with his tongue. Suddenly, she heard a shriek from the stairs leading to the second floor that startled them both.

“Ewwwww!!!” Betty pulled back and stood up to see her twins standing on the stairs with sour looks on their faces. She heard Jughead chuckle before stepping behind her and placing a kiss on her cheek as they faced their kids.

“Now girls, what are you two doing up so early?” Jughead asked firmly. Jughead didn’t often use ‘Daddy Voice’ but when he did, the girls knew he meant business. Maggie and Juliet stared at each other for a moment before turning back to their parents, both with wide, fearful eyes.

“We...um, we-,” Maggie began, stuttering and trying to find an acceptable excuse until she was interrupted by her sister before she could even finish her sentence.

“Maggie wanted to see if Santa came!” Juliet exclaimed, firmly placing all the blame on her ‘older’ sister. Maggie placed her hands on her hips and turned to face Juliet, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout. She couldn’t believe that her sister would try to blame her for them sneaking downstairs when it was her idea to begin with. How rude! Maggie thought angrily. 

“No. I. Didn’t! It was your idea in the first place, Jules, so stop lying!” She shouted at her sister, not caring if the whole neighborhood heard her protests. 

“I’m not lying! Momma, she’s lying, not me!” The girls then started arguing back and forth loudly when a sudden cry came from above. Betty placed her forehead in her palm and blew out a frustrated huff before addressing her daughters. 

“Girls! It’s six o’clock in the morning and your shouting has just woken up your brother! Stop fighting right this minute!” Betty scolded them. 

Both girls hung their heads and murmured apologies to their mother, their hands behind their backs and both looking every bit as shameful as they felt for shouting. Betty sighed - feeling bad that she had fussed at them, especially on Christmas - walked up to them and lifted their chins. She sighed again when she saw the tears in their eyes before looking at Jughead, who just shrugged in return. 

“Hey, why don't you guys go downstairs with Daddy while I go get Holden and then Momma can make your breakfast before we open presents. How does that sound?” Betty said softly as she rubbed the girls shoulders, hoping to let them know she wasn’t angry. 

“Ok, Momma!” The girls shouted in unison, smiling and happily skipping down the stairs to where their father waited for them. 

Jughead gave them a smile too and kissed each girl on the forehead before he spoke gently, whispering to them but knowing very well that Betty could hear him. “What do you girls say to some milk and cookies while Daddy reads you The Polar Express?” 

The girls cheered quietly and jumped up and down at the suggestion. Jughead blew Betty a kiss and took the girls to the kitchen to retrieve their snacks.

Betty shook her head and laughed lightly at her little family before turning to go upstairs to get her son. She walked into his room to find him sitting in his toddler bed, his knit beanie askew on his dark curls as he wailed and clutched his stuffed puppy. Betty walked over to him and dried his cheeks as he held his arms up for her. 

“Hey Denny Boy, it’s ok. You don’t need to cry anymore, Momma's here. I’ve got you, little man,” Betty whispered as she reached down to pick him up, letting Hot Dog drop to the mattress. 

Holden nuzzled into his mother’s neck, sniffling and clinging to her tightly in his frightened half awake state. Betty began to sing him a christmas tune, hoping that maybe she could get him back to sleep for at least a few more hours.

“I'll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me. Please have snow and mistletoe, and presents by the tree,” Betty gently swayed her son as she danced slowly around the room, her melodic voice filling the quiet room. She could already feel his body going limp, comforted by the sound of his mother’s voice. She continued to sing for a few more minutes, happy to just hold her child to her.

“Christmas Eve will find you, where the love light gleams. I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams. Yes, I’ll be home for Christmas, if on-ly in...my dreams.” Betty laid her now sleeping toddler back onto his bed, still humming the tune to make sure he stayed asleep. She brushed the stray curls from his forehead before kissing him gently and covering him up.

As Betty started to close his door she smiled and sang once more, just barely above a whisper. “Yes, I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.”

Betty closed the door quietly and walked back downstairs to find Jughead and their girls fast asleep on the couch, the half-read book propped against his chest as Juliet curled on one side of him and Maggie curled up on the other side. 

She grabbed the fleece throw blanket off the back of her favorite chair and spread it out over them. Betty grinned and tears pricked her eyes as she felt their newest daughter, Persephone, kicking her gently to let Betty know she was still awake.

Betty rubbed her belly as she smiled down it and whispered, “Little Persie, looks like it’s just you and me, kid. What'd you say we go make the family breakfast, huh? I’ll even sneak us some extra bacon. What do you say kid?” 

Just then, Persie gave her a swift kick and Betty chuckled. “Yep, you are a true Jones, baby girl.”

[archiveofprolbems]

On Space Art by Xin Liu & Xin Wang

Xin Liu, Orbit Weaver, 2017. Production still of artist's performance during a parabolic flight. Image courtesy of the artist. Photo by Steve Boxell.

During the prolonged lockdown that defined much of 2020, the Xinjiang-born, New York-based artist and engineer Xin Liu juggled multiple roles. These included participating in a volunteering network that supplied PPE to medical workers in dire need of protection against Covid-19; designing an indie game, Sleepwalk (2020), which reflected on the conditions of confinement and hyper-connectivity; engineering a series of hypnotic sound experiences with her partner Gershon Dublon titled The Wandering Mind (2020), which guides the dreams of a sleeping audience with source materials organized by an AI system; and live-streaming an ambient soundscape recorded on Whitehead Island, off the coast of Maine, for the Camden International Film Festival.1

As the Arts Curator at MIT Media Lab’s Space Exploration Initiative and an artist who makes work for exhibition spaces, film festivals, and astronautical conferences, Liu’s ongoing fascination with space as a medium and destination for new art has seen her send a wisdom tooth into outer space, cultivate potato seeds that had travelled to the International Space Station, and imagine weightlessness as an intimate, “body-opening” condition. In this interview, we spoke about the past lives and expansive futures of Space Art, her unique mixture of academic and identitarian backgrounds, and the creative strategies of innovation and resistance while working at the juncture of art and technology.

Xin Wang: You’ve recently been referred to as a “famous space artist” in a panel discussion poster, which suggests that this is a solidified genre.

Xin Liu: It is a genre! If you google “Space Art,” there’s a Wikipedia page that defines it, though it’s very much about visual artists depicting the vision of space exploration, like images of Martian colonies, weightlessness, spaceships, etc. It was also called Astronomical Art, with notable artists such as Chesley Bonestell. These artists really tried to define the aesthetics of space, which even changed the way we would later color actual scientific images captured through different telescopes. Even now, if you look at NASA’s art programs, that’s still basically the main concept. Slowly it diverged into art in space, or art that uses space and environmental textures for creation, experimentation, and storytelling.

For me, Space Art conceptually connects more to Land Art in the seventies; the questions they were asking—regarding spatial-temporal dimensions and the way we engage with geological transformation—are more related. However, there is this jump in the Space Art medium from astronomical paintings right away to “art in space.” It is a gap in our understanding of Space Art; in my position as the Space Art curator at MIT, I have made sure to take into account Land Art, science fiction, and so on, in lectures.

XW: What questions do you want to ask with your Space Art?

XL: First of all, the duality in our perception of the world: being a human being walking, eating, sleeping, drinking, and laughing on this planet; and on the other hand, knowing that we exist on a gigantic rock spinning around another hot rock in endless space. The epistemological jump is exciting but also problematic when we distance one from the other. People talk about science versus culture as if they are the polar opposites. I’m trying to reconcile the two views of the world and find places to live in-between. My other interest has more to do with the body, our sensations, our death, and the cycles of life and materials.

XW: Your works have always struck me as poetic—you sent one of your wisdom teeth into space in Living Distance (2019), which was inspired by childhood folktales and executed with robust engineering. But the whole debate around the idea that culture and science are antithetical has a long history. Susan Sontag wrote about it in the sixties, for example; what are you seeing in terms of new manifestations of, and challenges to, that tension?

XL: The philosopher Yuk Hui has proposed the concept of cosmotechnics, which argues that science and technology aren’t objective but are born of human cultures. One of my current projects, Unearthing Futures, is a collaboration with the Peruvian artist Lucia Monge, the International Potato Center in Lima, and the International Space Station (ISS).2 We are interested in potato history as human history; native to Peru, the potato’s journey becoming one of the most widely grown crops in the world mirrors colonial history. As we set foot and grow crops beyond the earth bond, one option here is to engineer the perfect potato that survives all conditions, while the other is to trust the possibilities of biodiversity, where a consortium of diverse species that are mutually dependent yields a higher chance of survival in extreme environments. Both are questions of science and technology, but at the same time they reflect philosophies—ones about how we survive.

We selected six varieties of native Peruvian potatoes with different characteristics, sent the potato seeds to the ISS to spend a month in microgravity, and exposed them to environment stressors such as radiation. The project has not grown potatoes in space, but it’s a significant step to understanding how environmental stressors affect thesis seeds. Having harvested the first generation in our respective studios, we plan to grow multiple generations and increase the numbers that we can process. Maybe in the fourth or fifth generation we can cook them and use them in workshops that involve the general public (we are working with public elementary schools in Portland) to think about the possibilities of food and agriculture in space exploration. Space potatoes are the protagonists in our stories and would facilitate these dialogues.

XW: When we were reviewing proposals for Sojourner 2020, an open call for artworks to be sent into low earth orbit by the MIT Media Lab Space Exploration Initiative, there were equally visible tendencies to flatten the crossover between art and technology into very gimmicky projects. In your position as both curator and artist working in this increasingly hyped juncture of art and tech, what are some of your goals and challenges?

XL: With the dropping costs of space launches and privatization, we are entering the New Space Age. Space Art is truly at the frontier now (no pun intended). There are many amazing art practitioners I’ve been able to invite to MIT and imagine together what this practice can be. The artist Agnes Meyer-Brandis, for example, created The Moon Goose Colony, where she trained geese on planetary science and different flight patterns to prepare them for the Moon.3 She even incubated and hatched the eggs herself. In 42-The Large Meteor T-R-A-P (2014), she uses electronic magnetic devices to guide the movement of meteorites, which can be viewed as a planetary defense system. In fact, the first planetary defense systems launched by NASA (the Double Asteroid Redirection Test) this past year also had to do with devices latching onto the meteorites to change their course of movement. I really like projects that are ambitious, beautifully executed, and which explore scientific possibilities as well as artistic ones. Unapologetically inserting yourself into other domains is also something I’m passionate about.

XW: What are some examples of such insertions?

XL: I recently had a conversation with the researcher Weng Jia, who looked into the detailed history of weather satellites beyond the pragmatics of weather forecast—itself a form of weather control that generates state power. It’s important to understand that history, but at the same time we can ask, as cultural producers, what now? We can either involve public engagement and sign petitions to request open access, or we can learn from the hackers—there are so many amateur enthusiasts who eavesdrop on state-owned radio signals, and through listening we are able to understand so much already. During the pandemic, my partner Gershon Dublon and I have tinkered with software-defined radio. Using just a tiny, 20-dollar USB dongle with an antenna we built from our clothing wires, we could receive the signals from retired National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) weather satellites as they pass through the sky.

Even before the pandemic, my partner was looking into personal monitoring of air traffic, as most aircrafts have to broadcast their locations after reaching 18,000 ft. This was a fun plane-tracking activity at home. But later on we were put in touch with the Standing Rock Sioux tribe, who were protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline encroaching their territories. They were being illegally harassed and even sprayed with unknown chemicals by aircraft flying over their encampment, but couldn’t track the perpetrators. We helped them set up the aforementioned system using a computer, a 20-dollar dongle, and electrical metal wires, with which they were actually able to “see,” ID, and track the aircraft. Using that data and US Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests, the water protectors were able to pursue their harassers and hold them accountable. Is it art practice? I think it’s important and exciting to examine the “wall”; there’s no wall that’s perfect—there are always cracks. You can find things between the breaks and slowly percolate, and, in a way, take back those powers—I found those processes most exciting.

XW: I think this is a powerful approach that counters the general pessimism towards big tech, technocratic states, and surveillance to the point that people don’t even want to think about the possibilities of cracks.

XL: But that’s a facade, and I don’t know who marvelously crafted it. A lot of these things, such as the radio, are not so complicated. Given a week and the internet, most people can figure it out; it’s not rocket science. You know who is most interested in amateur radio nowadays? The fifty-plus generation, sometimes grandpas. There is a big community in Staten Island in New York. However, in the arts, these systems and disciplines are rendered unfathomable, which prohibits further investigation. That’s the problem.

XW: When you were speaking about “the cracks in the wall” earlier, I had a very dark thought—in the future, planetary warfare will look drastically different and be much more deadly than the wars currently taking place on Earth.

XL: Future wars may not be quite so physical as we imagine—the virus is a powerful model for what could happen. It shows how fragile and resilient humans are; cyberattack, trade wars, geoengineering manipulation of nature—these are all struggles on different planetary scales, and we have to constantly self-educate as citizens and decode what the decision makers are actually saying.

XW: You received your undergraduate training at Tsinghua University, which is known for its rigorous focus on scientific training and as a place that has groomed many of China’s top technocratic leaders. It’s also considered the Chinese counterpart of MIT, where you completed a graduate program. How do those experiences compare and inform your trajectory?

XL: When I was in Tsinghua, I studied mathematics, physics, and mechanical engineering; my degree was in precision instruments. Nowadays I still practice them in my sculpture in its manufacturing and fabricating processes. It’s a craft. I later went to Rhode Island School of Design (RISD), not because I wanted to be an artist, but out of a sad realization. In China, we separated art and science education since high school, and my liberal arts education was limited.

It was a selfish desire to study fine arts after college just to become a “complete” human being. I am very grateful that my parents didn’t disapprove this decision. At the time I told myself that I’d probably still end up working for Google and Microsoft; I had interned at both places during graduate school, thinking that’s how I would make a living eventually. But those two years were transformative and gave me an absolutely new way of looking at the world. Even graduating with an MFA from RISD, I still couldn’t commit a hundred percent to being a professional artist, as it is really difficult financially. I’m a practical immigrant. I had to figure out a way to stay in the country and feed myself. Then I went to MIT, because it was fully funded and I had the luxury to do research; after another two years in school, I decided that I wanted to work freely, and “artist” is the title that offers the most freedom.

XW: Do you still believe that?

XL: I do. If you tell people you are an artist, whatever you do doesn’t surprise them as much. It’s harder to talk about sending a tooth to space as a physicist.

XW: I’m struck by the way you describe gravity as a “momentum of feelings” on your website.

XL: That’s something I was thinking about when I first experienced weightlessness in 2017, during a parabolic flight. The plane literally free-falls in the sky, and in reference to the cabin, everything inside the plane is weightless. I had a bit of a performance background in dance. The experience was shocking: there was no “free from gravity”—gravity is always there. It was just everything falling together. The experience was less about me floating or flying than about the ground beneath me dropping. It’s not liberating in the way that you are accelerating and going up, which is what we associate with space exploration probably, but rather a kind of letting-go and descending. It was an eye-opening—body-opening—experience for me, and a bitter-sweet moment as well.

XW: Speaking of bodies and embodiment, do you find this excessive attention to—often performances of—an artist’s identity shows up more or less or differently for you, given the curious juncture of disciplines and identities you inhabit?

XL: It depends on who is seeing me. The tech aspect of me can seem alarming to people who are used to traditional practices, and in the so-called media/tech/science art world, gender might manifest more. The audience decides who I am. My name reads as gender-neutral in both English and Chinese. Sometimes people assume I’m a man initially, because I’m working with technology; but a bit more engagement with the work might compel one to realize that I could be a woman, because of the way I deal with technology. Still deeper into it, you might realize I’m Asian.

Another interesting aspect comes from the fact that I don’t just participate in art events; I also present my works at the International Astronautical Congress (IAC), where it’s just pleasing to see my portrait—that of a young Asian woman—next to attendees that are largely from different demographics. And I enjoy that—inserting myself in different systems. It’s not just gender, but also geographic. I am an outlier in many ways—I went to a military-affiliated high school, so the instinct to fit in was strong growing up. But here, as people of color and women, we naturally stand out and have more identities. It could be tiring but it’s also our power—meaning that we can potentially empathize with more people. People like you and me—when we talk about America in a positive light in China or criticize the Chinese government, we are perceived as brainwashed by Western liberalism; but when we talk about Chinese companies like WeChat positively here, or the effective Covid-19 responses and technological innovations in China, we’d be considered brainwashed in the other direction too.

XW: I always feel that exposure to different systems of brainwash leads to utmost clarity. What do you think the future of space art will be, or what you hope it could be like?

XL: I think it will mature like digital art, bio art, internet art, AR/VR art—all these sub-domains. I read extensively on space policies, which obviously figure prominently on many nation states’ agendas. At the IAC conference in 2020, eight national space agencies just signed the Artemis Accords, which is an international agreement on the principles for corporations and civil explorations for the moon, Mars, comets, and asteroids. Particularly notable is the encouragement and protection for private entities to participate in the future of space exploration, and its effect on commercial activities will be significant; even the ISS is going through a commercialization process already. Space will become more commercial and privatized; it will engender more conversations and force us to be involved and investigate the industry.

XW: What’s your favorite Space Art piece?

XL: I was struck by Ilya Kabakov’s The Man Who Flew Into Space From His Apartment (1985) when I first knew about it. I have been (and am still) confined in my apartment due to the pandemic. It is the absolute desire to break the ceiling and get out. Though both are heading towards outer space, the Soviet campaign in space exploration and a personal desire to leave, to be free, cannot be more different. In fact, one is defeating the other.

_____________________

Xin Liu (b. 1991, Xinjiang/China) is an artist and engineer. She is the Arts Curator in the Space Exploration Initiative in MIT Media Lab, a member of New INC in New Museum, and a studio resident in Queens Museum. She is also an artist-in-residence in SETI Institute and the recipient of numerous awards and residencies.

Xin Wang is a curator and art historian based in New York. She is currently planning an exhibition that explores Asian Futurisms for The Museum of Chinese in America, New York. While pursuing her PhD in art history at the Institute of Fine Arts, New York University, she’s also been conducting a series of public zoom webinars on topics of technology, new media, and Asian American perspectives for the Whitney Museum of American Art since spring 2020.

Source: https://www.art-agenda.com/features/372727/on-space-art

[darth-el]

The Bucket List - Chapter 1 (Mods And Rockers)

Pairing: Steve x Reader Warnings: Body modifications and underage drinking with a bit of fluff.  A/N: This is the first chapter of my series, I still haven’t worked out how many chapters this is going to be but I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome. Word Count: 1.3K

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The sun broke through the gaps in the curtains which woke you up. Steve was asleep and holding onto you closely, as you moved he mumbled slightly and pulled you in closer making you smile. You watched him sleep for a few minutes before he woke up. “Morning,” You said quietly.

“Morning,” He mumbled giving you a kiss on the forehead.

“Are you ready for today?” You beamed a smile at him as today was the start of your bucket lists.

“You know I am.” He chuckled as he rolled out of the bed and into the bathroom so you could both start your day.

You were in a couple of towns over and were sitting in Steve's car staring at the shop opposite which looked out of place in the town. Steve's jaw was clenched as the reality of his bucket list was slowly hitting him. “Are you okay?” You turned in your seat and started playing with Steve's hair, he just slowly nodded. “I'll be right there with you.” you reassured him.

In the shop Van Halen was playing over the speakers and the quiet buzz of needles were heard, Steve started look incredibly pale and he started focus on his breathing to calm himself down. A woman who wasn't much older than you and had more piercings in her face than you could count bounced over to you and greeted you. She sat Steve down and asked what he wanted, the days leading up to this he couldn't decide what he wanted. After talking to the woman for a little while he decided to get a a phoenix tattoo on his shoulder blade as you called him your phoenix. He was taken over to the chair and you sat down opposite him as the woman started to tattoo him. He winced the moment the needles hit his skin. “Focus on your breathing,” The woman chuckled. “We can stop any time you want,” She reassured him. “Where are you two from?” She asked to take Steve's mind off the needles piercing through his skin.

“We're from Hawkins,” Steve answered trying to sound calm.

“I grew up there,” The woman exclaimed as she dipped the needle in ink. “Do you know Carol Perkins?” She asked with genuine curiosity, you both rolled your eyes.

“We do,” You exhaled not really trying to hide your disdain.

“She's my cousin,” The woman laughed as she wiped away some excess ink.

“I'm so sorry.” You chuckled as Steve squeezed your hand.

“Thank you.” She laughed as she started the shading on the tattoo making Steve wince again.

The woman wiped down the tattoo and Steve looked at his tattoo in the mirror and a big smile on his face appeared. You just watched him as he admired the new artwork on him, you hadn't seen him be this happy for a long time and it made you extremely happy. The woman explained to him how to take care of it and you both listened intently as it was a lot of information to take in. “Do you think you can handle the piercing today as well?” The woman asked as Steve showed his tattoo off to you proudly.

“I think so,” Steve sounded euphoric and sat back down on the chair trying not to knock the tattoo. You learnt the woman's name was Emily and ran away from home when she was sixteen all while  she punctured a hole into Steve's nose making him flinch as she put the silver ring in. “How do I look?” Steve beamed a smile at you.

“You look a new man.” You laughed as he stood up and showed himself off to you making you hit him playfully. Steve paid for everything and you made your way to the car and drive to Chicago so you could tick two things off your bucket list as well.

You and Steve spent the day exploring Chicago and taking photos of each other with a disposable camera you bought on an impulse. During your exploration you found a pizzeria where you both ate your weight in pizza. Your plan for the evening was to find a band playing but by the time you had finished your pizzas you were both ready to sleep. The city skyline was lighting up which made you feel nostalgic as you led Steve by the hand to a random bar where you could hear music play and a crowd of people outside chatting. As you drew closer you became visibly more excited as it was the polar opposite of Hawkins where it was so full of life. “What do you think?” Your face lit up with joy as you turned to Steve.

“It's up to you.” Steve seemed as eager to you to go in. Pulling him in and pushing your way through the crowd so you could get to the bar. It was so loud that you could barely hear yourself think let alone anyone else around you. You stood at the bar and you could feel Steve wrap his arm around your waist and pull you in closely and kissing the top of your head.

“What can I get you?” The barman asked leaning on the counter.

“Vodka,” You ordered and looked up at Steve who was contemplating what he wanted.

“Beer,” Steve shouted over the music. Once you got your drinks you made your way to where the band was playing and you knocked back your vodka like it was water and started dancing with Steve. You didn't know who the band were but you both felt the most free you had done in a long time. It felt like all the past troubles were just that, past troubles. By the end of the set you were both sweating profusely from dancing, you pulled Steve outside as you needed some air as you could feel your clothes to stick to you. Standing outside, the streets were still full of life something you never experienced in Hawkins. “Do you think London is like this?” You turned round to Steve who was watching you as you swayed to the sounds around you.

“I think London will be better.” Steve was deep in thought as he watched you.

“Why do you think so?” You took a step closer to Steve and he wrapped his arm around to pull you in closer to him.

“Because you'll be there.” Steve's voice had a hint of sadness in it as he didn't like to think of you going away. The music started up again and Steve was the one who pulled you back into the bar this time and bought you a drink. Instead of dancing you were both standing by the bar watching the band who were less energetic than the last but just as mesmerising. You were resting your head on Steve's arm, it felt like you were the only people in the bar which made it feel magical. By the time the bands had finished you felt like there was a change in the air which you couldn't explain but it made you feel optimistic.  

On the drive home you were both sleepy but were on a high from the day. Yours and Steve's hands were intertwined as Steve was driving, the dim lights occasionally caught Steve's silver nose ring. You were thinking about your bucket list and what you wanted to do next on it. “Are you sleepy?” Steve squeezed your hand as you could feel your eyes getting heavy, you just nodded your head and grumbled. “I'll wake you up when we get back to yours.” Steve said softly.

“Thank you.” You whispered as you fell asleep in your seat still holding onto Steve's hand as you could feel him gently stroke yours with his thumb.

[cinemavariety]

Cinema Variety’s Top Favorite Films of 2019

To quote Principal Duvall from the 2004 teen comedy classic Mean Girls: “I just wanted to say that you’re all winners, and that I couldn’t be happier the year is ending” 2019 was both a super difficult year personally, but even more so, I feel as if it was one of the weakest years for cinema in recent memory. Thankfully the last few months of the year have made up for it with a surplus of absolutely incredible cinematic experiences, many of which are reflected in this year’s rankings. I present to you my favorite films of 2019. Check out my rankings from previous years by checking out the links below:

Top Picks of 2018 List Top Picks of 2017 List Top Picks of 2016 List Top Picks of 2015 List Top Picks of 2014 List Top Picks of 2013 List

Honorable Mentions: Midsommar Uncut Gems Parasite 3 From Hell The Death and Life of John F. Donavan **THIS LIST IS IN ORDER AND CONTAINS SOME MILD SPOILERS**

#16 - Ready or Not Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett

Ready or Not looked entertaining enough from the trailers, but it certainly wasn’t anything I was dying to go see. Especially in a movie theatre. However my brother convinced me to go with him and it ended up being one of the most consistently fun and entertaining theatrical experiences of 2019.

There were a lot of similar plot elements to the brilliant 2013 horror film - You’re Next (which by the way is one of my favorites). The plot is about a young girl, who grew up an orphan, marrying into an insanely wealthy family. The family has a tradition of playing a game on the wedding night, and she ends up choosing a game of hide and seek. Unbeknownst to the bride, the family is actually planning to hunt her down and murder her in order to perform some type of satanic ritual.     

Horror comedies only work for me about half the time, but his film has enough graphic violence and intense situations to counterbalance all of the humor throughout. They complemented each other well and the result was a super funny and super bloody cat and mouse hunt of social classes.

#15 - Doctor Sleep Directed by Mike Flanagan

Helming the sequel to The Shining is no easy undertaking whatsoever. Kubrick’s arthouse horror masterpiece will forever remain not only one of my favorite of his films, but also as one of my favorite genre pieces in general. I was immediately relieved when I discovered that Mike Flanagan signed on to direct the adaptation of Stephen King’s sequel - Doctor Sleep.

I already knew beforehand that Doctor Sleep was more of a fantasy story than a direct horror, and also wasn’t one of the most popular of King’s works. The film ended up being a pretty epic fantasy thriller. Flanagan excels in creating his own universe while also honoring the source material, as well as paying homage to Kubrick’s film. However, it shines more when it does its own thing instead of trying to be nostalgia porn.

Most of the film worked for me, some of it didn’t. The recasting of Jack Torrance’s character left a slightly sour taste in my mouth. Ewan McGregor does a great job as the recovering Danny but it is really Rebecca Ferguson who steals the show with her villain character Rose the Hat.

Doctor Sleep proves that Flanagan has become one of the most consistent horror directors working in the industry. There’s always a pulse to be discovered in the foundations of his storytelling.

#14 - High Life Directed by Claire Denis

Claire Denis, one of the most polarizing French auteurs, debuted her first English language film in 2019 with High Life. I had the pleasure of seeing the film on a big screen, and even though I felt a little underwhelmed as an initial reaction to the finale, the film seemed to linger in my subconscious like a haunting unresolved dream. It held up even better on a re-watch, which you can view for free if you have Amazon Prime.

It’s definitely unlike any space film that I have ever seen. The premise surrounds a group of prisoners on death row who are sent to the farthest depths of space on a doomed voyage. All of the occupants are corralled by Juliette Binoche’s character, who plays some type of mad space scientist, is obsessed with collecting their semen in order to create new life in the abyss of the cosmos.

High Life is a slow burn, often minimalist film, which relies more heavily on atmosphere/score/visuals than it does on dialogue or forced plot elements. It’s bewilderingly nihilistic in how it depicts human behavior gone horribly awry. Robert Pattinson gives an understated performance and seems to provide the only glimmer of what seems to be hope by the end of the film.

#13 - Too Old to Die Young Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn

Too Old To Die Young finds the celebrated auteur, Nicolas Winding Refn, sharing his view of humanity and society at its most despicable. Hate seems to seep out of the cracks of every neon-soaked frame in the limited series. Amazon gave Refn free reigns in creating his phantasmagoria.

All of his usual motifs and creative decisions are employed in full force with Too Old To Die Young, sometimes to an almost unbearable degree unless you are a truth Refn aficionado. His long takes, infinitesimal silences between lines, neon lighting, synth score and characters belonging to a criminal underworld are all utilized to great affect within the series.

I won’t lie, I found it to be some of Refn’s most challenging work to date. There are so many aspects to be found within this series that went over my head, it is art that demands a re-watch. And while I believe that Refn’s sensibilities are best conveyed through a film medium, the limited series allows Refn to explore what he wants to convey like an artist adding layer upon layer of colors onto a blank palette.

#12 - Age Out Directed by A.J. Edwards

A.J. Edwards returned in 2019 with his sophomore directorial effort - Age Out (originally titled Friday’s Child). Edwards has served as one of many creatives who worked on the editing team of Terrence Malick’s films in the last decade. Malick’s influence on the director is quite noticeable. Edwards directed his first film in 2014, The Better Angels, which was a decent debut. Whereas The Better Angels oftentimes felt too close of a mimicry of Malick’s style, Age Out utilizes certain aspects of the style while also allowing Edwards to have his own authorial voice.

The film centers around a young man named Richie as he is about to “age out” of the foster care facility in which he was raised - a frightening reality for countless youth in America and around the world. Richie is left to navigate the difficulties of the adult world at a mere eighteen years old, without any family or parental figures to help him along the way. He makes friends with a seedy townie who revels in delinquency and causing ruckus. Also, there is a romantic subplot between Richie and a girl named Joan, portrayed tenderly by Imogen Poots. This relationship seems to be the only saving grace in Richie’s life. However, a turn of events soon reveal that Richie’s traumatic past has gotten the better of him and threatens to doom his entire future.

Edwards shoots the film in a boxed style with a 1.33 : 1 aspect ratio. This aids with the sense of claustrophobia and paranoia that invades Richie’s life. As aforementioned, many of Malick’s motifs are used here: a floating steadicam guiding the audience along, hushed dialogue, montages with classical music, and even some voice overs. However, this aesthetic isn’t heavy handed in any way. In fact, it’s a joy to see directors whose work can almost go into the Malick canon as the auteur has had such an influence on a lot of young, upcoming directors. Age Out is both a coming of age story and a cry of warning for unhealed trauma.

#11 - An Elephant Sitting Still Directed by Hu Bo

An Elephant Sitting Still now holds the spot as the longest running film that I have ever seen. It sits in at just under four hours, and it completely delivers without ever feeling like it drags on unnecessarily. The film technically premiered in 2018 and is considered a 2018 film among critic circles. However, the epic didn’t get a widespread distribution in the U.S. until this year, so I am overlooking this discrepancy. The film was marked with somewhat of a controversy after the director Hu Bo took his own life right after post production was completed. Hu Bo is an author turned director and An Elephant Sitting Still marks his first foray into cinema. It’s one of the best directorial debuts I have ever seen.

The film centers around four different characters during the span of a single day. All of these characters are marked with some sort of tragedy, and many of their stories intertwine in a synchronistic fashion. It reminded me of other masterpieces such an Inarittu’s Amores Perros or Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia. The film takes place in the industrial regions of Northern China, and the barren landscapes reflect an inner emptiness that emanates from all the characters.

There is a hollowness to these people as they navigate through life. An Elephant Sitting Still is nothing short of nihilistic. It’s an angry, desperate and hauntingly beautiful cry of pain from a director who was most certainly haunted by his own inner demons. It manages to be both an odyssey of human cruelty and a swan song from a young man who didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

#10 - Joker Directed by Todd Phillips

“It’s getting crazier out there, isn’t it?” These are some of the first lines to be uttered in Todd Philip’s pitch-black satire on society. These lines are what best exemplify the themes that Philip’s was pushing: our society is profoundly sick, everything seems to be getting worse, we have no saviors in sight and hope isn’t always on the horizon. Just from these first utterances, it is clear that Philips is taking all of the political and socioeconomic turmoil of the last four years and has created a problem child that is Joker.

Joaquin Phoenix turns in one of his most disturbed and flawless performances yet - which is no surprise. However, I have yet to see him embody a character so genuinely as he did in The Master. But this isn’t Paul Thomas Anderson, this is Todd Phillips. And the fact that the comedy director even created this piece of art is something that still has me scratching my head. Subtlety is never at play in the film, and there are quite a few plot points that are a little too on-the-nose, even for me. However, all of the other elements redeem it and make this one of the best films of the year. The cinematography is pleasing for the eyes, and the menacing cello scores echoes an existential loneliness that I felt permeate my very being.

The last thirty minutes are exactly what I was hoping from this film. It’s a breath of fresh air to see Hollywood actually stick to creating a nihilistic film that doesn’t once try to water itself down.

#9 - Luce Directed by Julius Onah

Director Julius Onah decided to really step up his game with his latest film Luce. After the dumpster fire that was The Cloverfield Paradox (seriously, thanks for completely ruining what was becoming a dope anthology franchise), Onah has proven that he can be a master of his craft with the proper source material. In regards to the story being told, every element of the film works to its advantage: editing, performances, direction, and most importantly - the screenplay. It’s one of most well written screenplays I have come across in 2019. I immediately could tell from the dialogue that this movie must have been adapted from a stage play, and sure enough upon searching, I found out it was. Not all stage adaptations work, in fact I’d say more than half don’t end up being too effective, but this one stuck its landing and then more.

The story revolves around an overly concerned teacher who contacts Luce’s parents after he writes a paper that comes off as threatening. The paper in question seemed to hold a sentiment in which violence was called for in order to overcome colonialism. It’s important to note that Luce was a child soldier in his native country before being adopted by his parents - played by Naomi Watts and Tim Roth who both gave stunning performances. The rest of the story is an investigation into who their son actually is, which eventually results in moral debates regarding race and identity.

Luce is also a film that effectively helps the audience empathize with the main character, while at the same time questioning whether his intentions are genuine, or a coy to hide something much darker. The truth isn’t always black and white, and this was my biggest takeaway from the movie.

#8 - Monos Directed by Alejandro Landes

Monos felt like a hybrid of elements inspired from great works such as Lord of the Flies, Aguirre: The Wrath of God and Apocalypse Now. This is only the third film to be directed by Alejandro Landes, however it looks and feels as if it was created by a seasoned veteran of the industry.

A group of children guerilla soldiers hold base on a mountaintop where they keep a hostage, watch over a prized cow, and act as a defensive force against an unbeknownst group of enemies. There is little to no exposition in the film. Landes drops the audience off right in the middle of the chaos.

We aren’t exactly sure what these children are risking their lives to fight for, or why they are doing it, but it goes to show the conditions in which they were raised for them to find normalcy in the violent lifestyle of a guerilla soldier. The landscapes are absolutely gorgeous, and there are even a few scenes where I questioned how they accomplished such shots/stunts with a low budget.

#7 - The Beach Bum Directed by Harmony Korine

The Beach Bum might not be the best film that Harmony Korine has directed (it’s certainly no Spring Breakers), but it is easily the most fun. It’s been almost seven long years since Korine’s last project, and I had been waiting in eager anticipation to see what he would do next. He was originally going to do a gangster crime drama called The Trap, which is what I was really hoping from Korine, but that fell through and he ended up making one of the best stoner comedies I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

The Beach Bum is probably Korine’s most accessible and audience-friendly film he’s ever done. I say that lightly though, because it still remains just as highly divisive as his other work. The plot is loose. It follows the misadventures and antics of Moondog, a washed up poet and complete burnout. He is soon sent to rehab for all of his illegal activities, in which he breaks out with the help of Zac Efron’s character, who might have just been my favorite character of the film. Korine seems to have a consistently solid knack to create dirty, seedy and absolutely enthralling characters.

I am really happy that he decided to keep a very similar visual aesthetic to his previous masterpiece, Spring Breakers. Benoit Debie, who is the king of neon lighting and discombobulating camerawork, does a masterful job at creating the textured and visual world of The Beach Bum. Hell, it’s probably one of the main reasons why I decided to see it twice on the big screen.

I’m not the biggest fan of comedies, mostly because I have a very bizarre sense of humor and find most of them to be completely hollow. But Korine’s darkly nihilistic sense of humor suits my sensibilities perfectly and I found myself laughing out loud at various points throughout The Beach Bum. It’s a fun, and even slightly endearing film at certain points thanks to the presence of Isla Fisher’s character as the wife. I look forward to whatever Korine decides to do next. At this point, who knows where he will decide to go with his career. I just hope I don’t have to wait another five plus years to see more of his work.

#6 - A Hidden Life Directed by Terrence Malick

Malick isn’t “back” - he never left. A Hidden Life isn’t a “return to form”. His form has always been there, it’s been evolving since The Tree of Life. In fact, the structure and flow of this film is extremely reminiscent of his past three films.

How far are you willing to walk the path of righteousness, even when the path is marred with pain and unanswered sufferings? How long are you able to cling to your faith when it feels like all hope is lost? How do you fight for what is good, when everyone around you is telling you to submit to forces of absolute evil? These are some of just many questions explored in Terrence Malick’s newest tour de force. As with many of Malick’s recent work, these aren’t questions that are necessarily outright answered during the film. They are instead questions of morality meant to be repeated throughout the story, almost like a mantra or an ode to pure faith.

A Hidden Life is Malick’s first return to chronological and narrative-driven filmmaking since The New World. It has garnered praise almost universally among critics, and is regarded as his best film in ten years since The Tree of Life. While I am in the few who don’t exactly agree that this is Malick’s best film in a decade, I might even dare say that it is among my least favorites of Malick’s recent output, I am still not denying the sublime mastery instilled in every single shot of this film.

A Hidden Life tells the noble true story of Franz Jagerstatter, an Austrian conscientious objector, who refuses to fight for the Nazis in World War II due to his religious beliefs and is eventually executed for it. He is decades later deemed a martyr by the Church - all the more telling as to why Malick decided to tackle this story. The heart of this story is told through letters that Franz and his wife Fani exchange throughout his period spent as a political prisoner. Fani seems to be one of the only people in Franz’s life who sticks by his side. No matter how soul crushing Franz’s decision is for Fani, she understands him well enough to know that death is a better option than spoiling your soul and humanity. “Better to suffer injustices than to do it,” as one character painfully states in the film. And while I wasn’t as emotionally wrecked as I thought I would be by this film, I instead feel inspired by Franz’s commitment to his innate goodness. The back and forth perspectives of Franz and Fani are well executed -  we as an audience get reprieves from the dreary confines of a prison cell to the majestic grandeur of the Austrian mountainside. The mountains and surrounding nature are characters within themselves. Near the finale, as Franz is face to face with his mortality, his mind wanders back to riding his motorcycle through the village on a sunny day as the mountains loom in the background. These are the final desires of a doomed man, something as simple as having the freedom to go outside and feel the grass beneath his feet - to experience the wonders of nature that most people don’t think twice about.

As mentioned earlier, it is far from my favorite of Malick’s oeuvre, and is not without its slight misgivings. It was stated that this was Malick’s return to “narratively focused” filmmaking. But he still utilized his signature elliptical style, and for me these moods oftentimes clashed and kept me at a distance emotionally. I rarely say this with a Malick film, but more of a reliance on dialogue would have worked wonders for me. There are quite a few sequences in which Malick opted for montage instead of a more fleshed out scene, which I believe would have further added to the power of the story.

These are all slight issues, and I myself might be a harsher critic than most simply because I hold Malick to such a high standard. Once you can give yourself to the film, A Hidden Life becomes a true zen experience. It managed to instill a sense of serene presence within myself. I felt very grateful for the most basic and common details of my life and this world. Malick’s work can be such a sensorial rush, and making even mundane objects and rooms look absolutely gorgeous, that it’s as if “everything is shining” in my own life after seeing the film. I look forward to returning to The Church of Malick very soon.

#5 - Ad Astra Directed by James Gray

Ad Astra got a lot of unwarranted hate this year in my opinion. It truly is a shame because I believe that James Gray has struck gold once again. While I don’t adore it to the same degree as I did Gray’s previous feature, The Lost City of Z, Ad Astra succeeds in being one of the most understated space films made in the 21st century.

It’s not exactly a wholly original story, or a plot that is something that we haven’t seen before. It’s the way Gray goes about telling this story and exploring these themes that makes it so very special. It’s not forcing any overreaching philosophical or ethical message onto the viewer, it’s not overly complicated or overly long, and rather than trying to present completely senseless physical explanations to the audience, it just accepts the fiction aspect as “science fiction”.

Hoyte Van Hoytema is a brilliant Director of Photography and he crafts some of the most breathtaking space shots in recent memory. He really captures the breathtaking enormity of the cosmis abyss. The scenes that take place near Nepture during the finale are jaw dropping. We see two characters wrestling each other while suspended midair and the camera pulls out to reveal their absolutely terrifying ordeal while splashes of Neptune’s purple color emanates behind them. What I enjoyed most about the film is this sort of serene, zen atmosphere that Gray creates through the visuals, the score and Brad Pitt’s heartfelt but quietly somber voiceover.

Pitt portrays a lonely, broken and existentially conflicted astronaut. He finds the quiet infinitude of space to be a reprieve from the chaos of conflict happening down on Earth. He feels more at home among the stars than he does on the planet in which he was born. His perspective reminds me of the blue God from Watchmen, Doctor Manhattan, when he’s dwelling peacefully on Mars and laments his feelings toward Earth and all the people on it: “I am tired of Earth. These People. I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives.”

James Gray’s Ad Astra, much like his previous two films before this, detail the pains and tribulations of undaunted pioneers as they explore foreign territories. The final monologue of Pitt’s washed over me like a gentle breeze: “I will rely on those closest to me, and I will share their burders, as they share mine. I will live and love.”

#4 - Anima Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson

Interprative dance, experimental film, and visual albums are three of my absolutely favorite art forms. The real MVP of modern cinema, Paul Thomas Anderson, has collaborated with one of the real MVP’s of modern music, Thom Yorke, to create a fifteen minute long music video on the power of human connection.

Thom Yorke plays a sleepy commuter, a passive bystander, a human sheep, a functioning cog in some great machinery. He makes brief eye contact with a pretty woman on the train, and notices that she leaves behind a briefcase. The rest of the short details his efforts as he dodges through obstacle after obstacle trying to find the woman and return the briefcase to her. I couldn’t believe my eyes as Anderson concocts the innermost desires of being seen, understood, and loved. The results are strokes of flashing light projections on concrete walls, bodies undulating as they separate and conjoin simultaneously, giddy humans running through fog, and lovers meeting in the union of hearts.

The final section, Dawn Chorus, is one of the most gentle and blissful experiences I have ever witnessed, let alone one in a film distributed by Netflix. Paul Thomas Anderson and Thom Yorke’s project had me understanding why I fell in love with this medium in the first place.

#3 - 1917 Directed by Sam Mendes

1917 takes the spot as my favorite war film of the decade. Personally, I found it to be one of the best war films ever made in general. What director Sam Mendes and DOP Roger Deakins have created is nothing short of a miracle. It’s the first “single take” war film to ever be made, mainly because this is a feat that is far from easy to pull off. Mendes and Deakins shot the movie in extreme long takes, and spliced them all together to make the whole movie come off as a seamless single take. These tracking shots never leave the side of the characters, we are in their footsteps on the journey the entire time.

1917 has a pretty simple premise: two young British soldiers are given a near impossible mission to cross enemy territory and deliver a message that will stop a deadly attack on over 1,500 soldiers - one of them being the brother of one of the two soldiers sent on the mission. The familial aspect contributes added emotional gravitas to the plot overall.

1917 is more of an experiential war film than it is a action or battle focused war film. It’s best to be seen in an IMAX because the sound design and the invasive tracking shots make you feel as if you are walking along these two soldiers as they face grave perils on their quest to deliver the message. I very much so enjoyed that they kept the plot small and intimate, without resorting to constant firepower to keep the audience engaged. That isn’t too say that the movie doesn’t have more than enough of its fair share of nail biting action sequences, and also plenty of gruesome shots depicting the carnage that World War I brought. These soldiers have to army crawl over rotting corpses, while rats and crows are seen pecking and chewing through the remains. The filmmaker doesn’t turn a blind eye to the horrors that war produced. To me, this is one of many reasons why I believe 1917 is superior to other popular recent war films such as Dunkirk. I don’t want my war films to be sanitized. War needs to be portrayed as it truly is - acts of complete inhumanity.

Dare I say that 1917 is Come and See for the 21st century. While Come and See is most definitely the superior film, there were echoes of the classic Soviet Union masterpiece that ring throughout 1917. Maybe it’s the expertly crafted tracking shots, maybe it’s the maddening use of sound design/editing, or maybe it’s the shell shocked expression that is engraved on one of the main characters faces near the finale.

1917 does an amazing job of being very loud, but also utilizing silence in certain scenes to great affect. The juxtaposition is most expertly crafted during one scene that involved flares popping off in the sky, lighting up the ruins of a city, as one the characters runs away from enemy fire. It’s an absolutely exhilarating scene. I ended up bawling by the end of the movie, mostly just because of all the pent up anxiety and distress I felt throughout. You don’t see many films that take place during World War I anymore. But 1917 shows it is not a time period to be forgotten about.

#2 - The Lighthouse Directed by Robert Eggers

I had been eagerly anticipating Robert Eggers’s follow-up film after he released The VVitch back in 2016. At first it was reported that he was going to be doing an adaptation of Nosferatu, which I still think would be a great story for Egger’s to adapt, especially after witnessing what he instead decided to make - The Lighthouse.

Shot gorgeously in black & white on gritty 16mm celluloid, the film looks like it comes from a completely different era (the dialogue as well). There were many shots that had a similar look to some of Bergman’s early work on the Faroe islands.

The Lighthouse has a fairly simple plot. Robert Pattinson plays Winslow who goes to work for a seasoned lighthouse keeper named Thomas who is played by Willem Dafoe. Winslow is new to being a wickie and Thomas takes him under his wing to show him the ropes. Thomas orders him about incessantly in a brute and abusive manner.

There is a minimalism to the plot, however all of the other elements are done so perfectly that the daily grueling routines of these wickies becomes nothing short of hypnotizing. The sound design and score ratchets up the harsh conditions of the island. Wind sounds like its constantly shrieking outside - a reminder of the unease that seems to be building to an overflow. The dialogue, diction, and accents are all completely authentic to the time period and setting that the story is taking place in. Eggers commitment is second to none when it come to detail and authenticity with aspects such as the character’s accents and inflections. A real case of cabin fever befalls the two men who both seem to become obsessed with the mystical light that emanates at the top of the light house.

While I really enjoyed The VVItch, I absolutely adored The Lighthouse and find it to be a much stronger work from Eggers. I think what I vibed with most about it is that the movie doesn’t feel the need to be confined to one particular genre. Whereas The VVitch was literally about a witch bringing misery to a Puritan family, it was constricted to be somewhat of a horror film. However, The Lighthouse manages to be many different tones: a fever dream surrealist film, an arthouse horror, a slapstick comedy, and a nautical retelling of many ancient sea myths. And all of these different tones worked together and bounced off each other in perfect harmony.

I found myself both laughing and completely repulsed by the images I was seeing - especially within the last act of the film which succeeded in shaking me up and making me feel both bewildered and slightly nauseated. It ends up being a gritty, dirty, and uncompromising journey into total psychosis. By the conclusion of the film, the audience comes to the same realization as the two characters - there really was enchantment in the light after all.

#1 - Waves Directed by Trey Edward Shults

Waves is an operatic cry for people to be better to one another. It is by far my favorite film of the year, and I truly believe it to be one of the finest films ever made. It earned itself a well deserved spot in my Top 25 Favorite Films of the Decade.

Trey Edward Shults started out his cinematic career on a strong note with Krisha. He delivered once again with his sophomore debut - It Comes at Night (even if I do find it to be easily the weakest of out the three he has directed). But for me, Waves is where Shults really experiments with his style to such a fine tuned degree that we find the director not calming down his vision or becoming more “grounded”, instead he expands upon his prowess with one of the most powerful family dramas I’ve ever seen.

Shults is another director who made my list this year who is somewhat of a protege of Terrence Malick. Shults worked as an intern for Malick on both The Tree of Life and Voyage of Time. It is quite clear the influence that Malick has on Shult’s vision. But Shults, even more-so than Edwards who also made my list this year, has taken Malick’s inspiration and created something wholly his own.

Shults has created an experiential rollercoaster of actions, consequences and the toxic fallout than can come from such actions. Waves is essentially two films in one. The first half is the energetic, chaotic and traumatic first half in its depiction of toxic masculinity taken too far, to the eventual accident that changes all of the characters lives. The camera is constantly floating in this portion, or shall I even say flying through the air and around the characters. The camera has no limits in what it can do and that along with the editing, and most noticeably the insanely perfect soundtrack/score, this portion ends up feeling like one prolonged anxiety attack.

The second half of the film switches character POVs masterfully. There’s a psychedelic shift of perspective from the brother’s eyes covered in flashing lights from the back of a police car to his little sister’s eyes in the back of their parent’s car (you have to have seen the film to completely understand what I am referring to of course). This second half of the film is where the camera slows down a little. This portion is more character focused and less interested in being flashy through its aesthetic. We get more dialogue, more character details, and a lot more tears in this half. It’s like a long cathartic release after experiencing an hour of trauma and abuse. It succeeds in tearing you apart, to only slowly piece you back together.

As mentioned previously, Shults’s soundtrack decisions were the cherry on top for me. Tame Impala, Animal Collective & Tyler the Creator are three of my favorite artists and their music is utilized perfectly within the story. What made this film so special to me, other than the fact it all takes place in the state in which I grew up in, was that no other film has better reminded me of my own humanity in years. This film makes me want to be a better brother, a better friend, a better son, and a better person in general. You never know when a single moment can shatter your entire world. In the end, it left me with a strong message that struck me to my core: appreciate what you have in life, and tread carefully.