#whatever the opposite of comphet is?

[secretly-a-catamount]

You’ve heard of gay best friends who get confused for a straight couple get ready for the alternative: straight couple that gets confused for gay best friends

[cacaitos]

literally who cares if sw is straight or bi at any point of all this. that changes suprisingly nothing that much.

[unicornachos2]

After finishing ROTE I'm trying to sort out my feelings about Robin Hobb as an author and it's sO hard. I've never had such a complicated relationship with an author while reading a series I don't think.

I think it comes down to her being... Kind of erratic and very contradictory in her work?

Like, she often seems to have amnesia about what she's built up in a character and then writes them differently like... Fitz learns and says things and then a book later he's back flipped or forgotten completely (perhaps bc RH herself forgets how he feels or what he's said in previous books? Which leads to inconsistent characterisation?) Some of how Beloved is written at the end of Ass Fate.... Idk if it's just BC it's from Bee's perspective, but there's stuff there narratively that makes no sense... Or maybe it does after all the trauma Beloved experienced? The way she wrote Nettle in tawny man vs how differently she's written in F&F....the way characters are inconsistently written bc the plot needs them to do certain things at certain moments.....

The way she has Beloved seriously question comphet gender stereotyping in ass quest and then.... Proceeds to nonstop write comphet gender stereotyping nonsense everywhere you look throughout the entire fucking series

Her writing of women and the way she pairs up any two cis characters of opposite sex who will stand next to each other just to make them reproduce as if she's Burrich forcing two horses together pisses me the fuck off, and I've already talked about that. P.S. on this. wHY did we need Lant/Spark? Insane.

Ass apprentice and royal assassin were absolute slogs for me, where I wasn't actually enjoying what I was reading and actively did not enjoy most of those books, but felt a very strong need to keep reading just to see what would happen?

Killing Chade offscreen after being with him for 16 entire books, never seeing Mercor again, Wintrow's weird fade-out in the series despite having so much focus in liveships

The way she wrote about ableism and disability with the dragons and rain Wilders was suuuuper flawed and I wish she hadn't gone there bc of how badly it was done. Thick could have literally been called anything else and nothing would have changed in the story

The way the story tries to be realistic in some areas and wildly unrealistic in others and how often it feels like whiplash

The way so many important things just go unfinished or skimmed over at the end of her books BC she seems to run into her word limit or something

And the magic systems just straight up make zero sense if you think about any of it too hard- whatever happens happens bc it serves the plot

And I think finally, this weird idea that I've never come across in any other series, about needing to choose between the people you love that permeates throughout ROTE. The way the author fabricates this false choice, where you have to choose who you love most and stay with them and them only. Burrich's "a horse can't wear two saddles". How Robin Hobb underscores the beauty of the stone wolf scene by needing to have Fitz remark to Bee that she lied well (indicating that he does in fact love Bee more than Beloved). How Molly would have spurned Nighteyes. How Burrich for some reason had to choose between Patience and Chivalry. Fitz, and countless other characters are always made to clarify or choose between who of their loved ones they "love the most". Again, absolute nonsense.

And then like. Somehow she manages to write the most beautiful prose and the most insane fucking queerbait of all time? (With a big No Homo stamped over all of it). And develops such loveable, flawed, interesting characters, and such engaging world building. Patience's entire existence, and the humour in the series and how insanely funny some moments are. Fitz's friendships with Riddle and Thick. Nighteyes. Bee and Fitz coming to know one another. The edge of your seat moments when you have to keep reading despite the horrible hour just so you can find out what happens. How Beloved and Fitz ultimately do change the world for the better. The life lessons given, and some of the clearest insights into trauma I've ever read. The tiny details that keep you fed to allow you to theorise and speculate. The way she's able to thread one theme throughout narrative, character, and dialogue.

I've never been so conflicted tbh. Like. I can understand why people are obsessed with this series (clearly I'm here in this camp), but I can also totally understand why people would never be able to get into this series, too. Like. I don't think I can ever rec it to anyone I know, just purely based on the final 10 chapters of Ship of Destiny. The fucking weird shit Verity did to Fitz and Kettricken. Like I think there are so many valid reasons why this series isn't as popular as other fantasy series, why it's never been turned into some big GOT style tv show (not that that is in any way a marker of quality, I'm just saying), etc. Like I love it, and I will always love it and I'm going to be thinking about it for the rest of my life, but I also. Did not enjoy or like a lot of ROTE, too. Anyway, two things can simultaneously be true and exist!

So I'm just. I'm processing. Anyway FitzLoved forever peace out

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

Can I request a Natalie x Jackies little sister reader, who is the opposite of Jackie, via personality wise? Like she's quiet, nerdy, not athletic like at all, and is a goody-two-shoes (Jackie makes fun of her for it but also intends to keep it that way,) and the reader ends up getting dragged by Jackie, and the readers awful bf at the time to this party, Jackie goes and gets lost with shauna doing whatever (✂️) ANYWAYS she gets into a really bad argument with her boyfriend because he wants to have sex with her and she refuses. Natalie ends up stepping in and helps her out, defends her, and drives her home. Natalie has also, like, always had a crush on her, too. Natalie and the reader start to get super close and secretly dating, and Jackie ends up finding out about them via the readers' diary, and she's kind of upset at first but ends up allowing it after confronting Natalie after practice, who proves to Jackie that she loves the reader and wants to protect her no matter what. Idk sorry about it being all detailed 😭😭

All My Ghosts

Summary: literally just the prompt

Warning(s): cursing (more than usual), manipulation (from r bf), pressure to have sex, drug usage, smoking, drinking, non-consensual kissing (from bf), not proofread (spelling and grammar mistakes are not my problem actually)

Reader can either be read as a comphet lesbian or bisexual/pansexual, whichever you prefer <3

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"Y/n, let's GO!" your sister, Jackie, yelled from the bottom of the stairs up to your room. Instead of responding to her, you just rolled your eyes and finished lacing up your shoes. You didn't even want to go to this party, but your boyfriend, Brad, wanted you to go. And for some reason, Jackie agreed with him. Something about you being there with her for "moral support". Like she needed that. If anything, you were the one who needed moral support for a party.

When you were finally finished getting ready, you walked out of your bedroom and down the stairs to meet Jackie.

"God, finally. Shauna's going to wonder where we are." She twirls the keys to her car in her hand, and you just roll your eyes again.

"More like wonder where you are."

"She's your friend, too."

"Barely."

The less than a year between you and Jackie meant that the two of you grew up really close, and that her friends became your friends. Since both of you were in the same grade, you didn't have to worry a lot about making your own friends. Jackie was good about including you, and you got along well with Shauna and the other girls from the soccer team.

But sometimes, on days like this, you wished you had friends of your own. Maybe they wouldn't make you go to some stupid party with them.

"Come on." Jackie started walking towards your front door and out to the car. Honestly, you were surprised she was even driving. Normally Jeff or Shauna picked her up.

"Fine, whatever," you replied, walking out after her.

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When the two of you arrived, the party was already in full swing. Where Brad could be, you had no idea. And unfortunately for you, Jackie had no problem finding Shauna.

Soon enough, you were standing alone in the foyer of Lottie's giant house.

Suddenly, you see Brad. Quickly, you start walking towards him.

"Babe! Hey!" He pulls you into his side as soon as you come near him. He smells like weed and cheap beer, and you can't help but wrinkle your nose.

"Hi," you smile at him, trying to ignore the smell. Instead of continuing to talk to you, though, he immediately went back to whatever conversation he'd been having, not even trying to include you. This happened a lot. Brad would immediately assume you weren't interested in anything he'd been talking about, and practically ignore you.

You sat there in silence for a while before you decided it was time to get a drink.

"Hey, I'm going to grab a drink. Do you want anything?" you ask, tapping Brad's shoulder.

"Sure. Let me come with you." When he says that, you try not to let your disappointment show. You had been trying to get away from him for a minute, but there he was, following you around.

The two of you head to the kitchen, and you pour yourself a Diet Coke, while Brad opted for another beer. As you stand at the counter, sipping you drink, he slides up behind you and starts to whisper in your ear.

"You want to get out of here?" He was trying to be seductive, but all you could focus on was how shitty his breath smelled.

"No, sorry. I promised Jackie that I'd DD." It takes a lot not to push him away entirely, but you can't help but turn your head away as he spoke.

"Baby, I'm sure your sister can find another ride home. Come on." He was beginning to sound like a child, but you kept your cool.

"I'm sure she could, but I really don't need a pissed off Jackie in my life right now. Plus, I'd just rather not risk it." By now, you'd pulled away fully, not wanting to deal with whatever was going on.

"Y/n, come on. I need something. We haven't had sex in so long." He was louder now, and you were sure people heard.

"And I said not tonight."

"You're such a-"

"She said no, asshole. Leave her alone." Brad was cut off by a voice that you recognized. Natalie Scatorccio, one of the girls on your sister's soccer team. You didn't know her that well, and Jackie wasn't her biggest fan. But you were extremely grateful for her in this moment.

"This is none of your business, bitch. Who the fuck are you, anyways?" Brad was clearly pissed off, whether it was because he was interrupted or because it was Natalie who interrupted him, you couldn't tell.

"It doesn't matter who I am, and this became my business the minute you started yelling at y/n in the middle of the kitchen. She doesn't want to fuck you. Get over it."

"How does this bitch even know your name?" Brad's wrath was turned towards you now, and you weren't sure how to react.

"She's... uh, a friend. Of my sister's. They play soccer together," you manage to mumble out, embarrassed over the whole situation.

"Oh, so you need one of your sister's friends to fight your battles for you now? Fuck this. We're over. I don't want to be with a prude." With that, Brad finally walked away. Part of you wanted to follow him, but the majority of you didn't. Not after what he just pulled.

"Shit. I didn't mean for him to break up with you. Just leave you alone." Natalie did truly look apologetic, but you weren't upset with her at all.

"No, it's fine. I've been thinking about breaking up with him anyway. I've just been to nervous. So really, I should be thanking you." You tried to make light of the entire situation, wanting to relieve some of the tension.

"Well, he seemed like a dick. Is he always like that?"

You pause for a moment before speaking. "No, not always. When we first got together, he was perfect. But for the past month or so, he's been a lot pushier when it comes to physical stuff."

Natalie nods, taking it in.

"Do you want to get out of here?" You ask suddenly, hoping you don't sound weird.

"Don't you have to take Jackie home?" She looked at you quizzically, and you mentally cursed yourself.

As if on cue, Jackie appeared in the kitchen. "Y/n! I was looking for you. You don't care if I go with Shauna to her place, do you?'

"No, go ahead. Just give me the car keys." You hold out your hand for the keys, and Jackie happily gives them to you. Once she's gone from the kitchen, you turn back to Natalie.

"Well, not anymore."

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The two of you sat in your car, music playing softly through the stereo. You had no idea what you planned on doing, but it was nice to do something spontaneous for once in your life.

"Is there anywhere you want to be going?" You ask, not knowing exactly what Natalie would be into.

"Nah." She sits there in silence for a moment before turning to you, cigarette in hand. "Do you care if I smoke in here?"

"Roll down the window. I'm not sure I want my parents thinking I've been smoking."

She does as she's asked and rolls down the window before lighting up the cigarette, which kind of impresses you with the wind.

"So you're keeping up the "good girl" act even when I'm the only one here, huh?" She asks before taking a drag of the cigarette.

"What "good girl act"? This is just my personality." You take a turn and decide that you want to go to the beach. You've always loved the ocean, and with a night like tonight you deserved to do what you wanted.

"God, not even Jackie's this innocent. Have you ever broken a rule in your life?" She's not being mean, at least you don't think she is.

"I'm not innocent, just careful." You pause for a beat before answering her question, "And yes, I've broken rules. You think Jackie and I were supposed to be at that party?"

"Touché, I guess. Where do your parents think you are?" She looks over at you as she takes a drag from the cigarette, and something about the whole thing makes your heart flutter. Probably from the rebellion of it all.

"Well, they aren't even home, but before they left, Jackie said we were staying with Shauna. Which, I guess is kind of the truth." You maneuver the car into a random parking lot with a beach entrance and gesture for Natalie to get out.

The both of you step out of the car, and you move to the trunk to see if you have a blanket or something else to sit on. You find a towel that you're sure has been there since the last time you were at the beach, but it'll work for now. Nat didn't seem to be the picky type, and you didn't much care what you sat on as long as it wasn't sand.

You shut the trunk and begin walking toward the beach, turning around to make sure that Natalie is following you. She is.

It doesn't take long to find a spot in the sand to settle into. The beach is mostly empty, the occasional couple or group of friends scattered across the beach, but none were close enough to bother you. You set the towel down, smoothing it best you can, trying very hard to not let it get sandy.

"Ladies first," you tease, gesturing for Natalie to sit down before plopping down next to her.

She rolls her eyes, but clearly doesn't mind the teasing.

"The beach, huh? This your happy place or somethin'?"

"Happy place is a stretch. That would be a bookstore. But all of those are closed, so this is my second best option. I've just always loved the water. Not that we could swim right now." The words just kind of spill out, and you're surprised at how easy it was to talk to Natalie. Probably because she saved your ass earlier.

"Nerd." It's her turn to tease you now, but her tone is affectionate. This girl is a far cry from the burnout stoner that Jackie is always talking about.

"Oh, whatever."

"You can't even deny it. You're a rule follower, your good-girl act isn't an act, and your happy place is a goddamned bookstore. Nerd."

"Because you're soooooo much cooler than me, with your smoking and your leather jackets." you lean back on the towel, using your elbows to prop you up.

"I didn't say you weren't cool, I said you were a nerd. Don't twist my words." She takes another drag of her cigarette, blowing smoke into the warm night air. She looks captivating, all sharp angles and edges and lines.

"Those two things do tend to go hand in hand, you know."

"Not for you. You're a total nerd, but you're cool. At least I think you are."

You let out a scoff, not knowing whether to take her statement as a compliment, or an insult, or both.

"Was that supposed to be a compliment..?"

She just laughs, looking up to the sky. It's nice with her, you realize. There's no pressure to do or say anything. Normally it's so difficult for you to talk to people, let alone actually make friends. But with Natalie everything came easily.

"Why'd you save my ass earlier?" you ask, finally getting up the courage to ask the question that's been plaguing you since you got in the car with Natalie.

"Looked like you needed it." She shrugs, like it's no big deal. Like Brad couldn't have beaten her ass if he wanted to.

"Yeah, but you barely know me. Most people wouldn't do that for a stranger."

"You're not a stranger. Not exactly. There's also the fact that I don't deal with assholes well."

"I mean, I'm really grateful, don't get me wrong. It was really good of you to do that. Just... surprising, is all."

She's silent for a moment, and you're worried that you might have said something to offend her. Your mind begins reeling, and you backtrack to figure out what it was that you said.

"Jackie been telling you about me?" she asks, and you realize what it really is, why she was really silent.

Now it's your turn to be quiet. You don't know what to say without saying something that could make the situation worse.

"Not... just Jackie. I've noticed you, you know? You don't exactly give the vibe that you'd save a girl you barely know at a party. I know I shouldn't assume based on rumors, or vibes." You hope your explanation doesn't upset her.

"I know what vibe I give off. I get it, I guess."

"You aren't what I expected, though. In a good way." You smile at her. It's true. She's not what everyone thinks she is. And you like it.

"Thanks."

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Two days later, you sat on your bed with Jackie, explaining the whole situation with Brad. She had spent the weekend at Shauna's, and the news of the breakup had barely reached her. Which meant you got to explain. Yipee.

"Yeah, so he was super pushy, which was honestly a bit unexpected. Maybe because I'm so used to just saying yes. Begging me to sleep with him, telling me he "needed it". It was gross, honestly."

"And he'd never been like that with you before?" Jackie's clearly upset, which honestly makes you feel a little bit better.

"Yeah, never," you assure her.

"So then what?"

"Uh, Natalie actually stepped in." You scan your sister's face for a reaction, not exactly knowing what to expect.

"Natalie? Natalie Scatorccio? The same girl who shows up to practice high, or drunk, or both half the time? That Natalie?" Jackie looks completely perplexed, like she could never understand how Natalie was the one that helped you get away from Brad.

"That's the one. Then she and I just... left. The party. We went to the beach. Talked. It was nice." You shrug, not exactly knowing where to go from here. You wanted to defend Natalie, you really did, but with Jackie it was just so... difficult.

"That's... good of her, I guess?"

"She's not what you think she is, you know." You try to sound nonchalant, like your head hasn't been clouded with thoughts of Natalie since the party. You missed her. Of course you did. She was your first shot at a friend in a while.

"I guess she's not."

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"Jesus Christ." You slam your textbook shut, annoyed. Something's been tapping your window for what feels like hours. You get up and walk over to see what it is. You look down, and who do you see but Natalie Scatorccio, literally throwing pebbles at your window.

You slide your window open and hiss down at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting your attention." She smirks up at you, and your annoyance fades, but doesn't disappear.

"It's eleven thirty at night. I'm studying."

"Oh, come on y/n. Live a little. I just want to hang out."

"Natalie."

"Fine, if you really don't want to, I'll go."

"No, fine. Stay there." You quickly close the window and grab your shoes and a jacket. You're grateful that she showed up. You'd been debating talking to her at school, but she had friends. What if your hangout was a one-time thing, and she really didn't like you.

But that was all nullified by the fact that she showed up to your house. That she threw pebbles at your window. That she wanted to talk to you, too.

It was a nice feeling.

As quietly as possible, you snuck out of the house, grateful for both the distance from your parents room to the front door, and their early bedtime. What you were doing could barely be considered sneaking out. It was just leaving the house.

Nat met you in the front of your house, smirk still on her face. Part of you wanted to be annoyed at her, but most of you was excited. You'd never done something like this before.

"You're a bad influence, you know."

"I said you didn't have to come with me." She was right about that. There was no pressure from Natalie for you to leave your house with her.

"Still a bad influence," you say, rolling your eyes. "What are we doing, anyway?"

"Hanging out."

"That's a horrible answer."

"Shut up. I didn't have anything in mind, really. I just wanted to hang out with you again." She shrugs and pulls out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her leather jacket. Soon enough, a cigarette is between her lips, and she's working on lighting it. Which she does, effortlessly.

It's kind of attractive.

Wait, what? Attractive? No. Not attractive. It would be attractive if she were a boy. But she's not. It's just... intriguing.

Yeah. Intriguing.

Your mind is working at a thousand miles a minute, and it must be evident on your face, because Nat gives you a concerned look.

"You good? You're not freaking out because you snuck out, are you? Because we're literally still in your front yard. You've barely even snuck out at this point." She genuinely looks a bit concerned, but she keeps her tone light, trying to keep you from freaking out further.

You snap out of whatever trance you were in and give Natalie a little nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

She nods in acknowledgement, not pressing the issue, which you appreciate. You don't want to lie, but you're not sure you want to tell her that you maybe find her attractive.

But you don't, right?

"Seriously, what are we doing? Nothing's even open right now."

"We could go to a gas station," she says, offhandedly, and you let out a little laugh.

"A gas station? You have me sneak out of my house so we can what? Get midnight Slurpees?"

"Do you have any better ideas?"

She had you there. You didn't have any better ideas. In fact, a midnight Slurpee actually sounded pretty good.

"Fine."

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A ten minute walk later, and the two of you stood within the fluorescent lighting of the local seven-eleven. Natalie was already making the most horrendous Slurpee combination known to man, and you were debating on what to get. As usual.

"Y/n, are you just going to stand there the rest of the night?" She asks, taking a drink of her concoction.

"I'm thinking. Also, that's an abomination." Her drink was truly disgusting. She had mixed every flavor possible, and none of them went together. It honestly almost made you gag.

She just grinned at you, and you couldn't help but smile back. Even if she should never be able to drink a Slurpee again.

Finally, you decided on what you wanted. Plain cherry. Why it took you so long to decide, you had no idea. It was the same flavor you'd been getting practically your entire life.

"You're boring as shit, y/n," She teases, and you shoot her a glare.

"At least I'm not drinking whatever the fuck that is." You finish filling your cup, and nudge her shoulder as you walk to the cash register to pay.

"Here." You turn to Nat and take her cup from her, giving it to the middle-aged woman at the register.

"I can pay for my own, you know." She sounds a little pissed off, and you can't tell why.

Oh, shit. Because she didn't have a lot of money. She must have thought you were pitying her. Which, you weren't. But she had no way of knowing that.

"Yeah, but you're my friend. I'm going to treat you. But if it makes you feel better, you can get it next time," your tone is teasing, and you try to lighten the mood a little bit.

"Fine." Her voice softened, and you mentally patted yourself on the back.

You grab your cups from the cashier, and hand Natalie hers before walking out of the store.

"Where to next?" She asks, following your lead.

"I think there's a park nearby."

She nods, and you begin making your way to the park. You hadn't been there in years, but the thought of going there now exhilarated you.

The two of you walked in a comfortable silence to the playground, which was completely empty due to how late it was. No kids would be there this time.

"Swings?" You ask, looking at Natalie for confirmation. She nods, and you make your way to the old swing set.

"I'm glad you came over. I'm glad we're doing this," you blurt out, not really meaning to. You didn't really want to sound desperate for friends or anything. But it was nice.

"I didn't know if you'd even come outside. Not to mention that I was terrified that I was throwing rocks at your parents window, or worse, Jackie's."

"I normally wouldn't have. But I've been hoping to hang out again since Friday."

"Thinking about me, huh?" she's teasing, you know she doesn't mean it in the way it sounds. But you flush red anyways, and hope she doesn't see.

"All the time," you quip back, matching her energy. She laughs, and butterflies explode in your stomach.

Fuck.

Were you falling for Natalie Scatorccio?

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It's been two weeks of hanging out with Natalie, and it's only solidified your feelings for her. Which was freaking you out. You'd never felt this way about a girl before, and it was even more insane because it was Natalie.

You groaned and buried your head into your pillow. Why were you like this? You'd never felt like this about anyone, not even Brad. Why did she draw you in so quickly and easily?

"Y/n, do you have my-" Jackie suddenly stops talking, seeing your state. You're obviously distressed, and she immediately makes her way over to your bed. She sits down and rests a hand on your leg.

"Are you okay?" She asks, concerned.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just going through a lot." You roll onto your back and stare at the ceiling.

"You upset about Brad?"

You nod, even though you know it's not the truth. You haven't even thought about him since the breakup, but Jackie doesn't need to know that. It's not that Jackie wouldn't be okay with you liking a girl. She probably would be. You'd had suspicions about her and Shauna for a while. It's the fact that you like Natalie that she wouldn't be okay with. She was barely okay with the two of you being friends.

"I get it. Let me know if you want to talk about it, okay?" She genuinely looks like she wants to help, and you smile in return.

"I'm okay, thanks. Just a lot on my mind, you know?"

She hums and pats your leg before standing up and leaving your bedroom, again leaving you alone with your thoughts.

It's times like these when you really wished you had close friends. You couldn't talk to Jackie about it because it's about Natalie, and you couldn't talk to Natalie. For obvious reasons.

So you turn to the only thing that won't judge you. Your journal.

April 9, 1996

Shit. I think I like a girl. Well, I know I like a girl. What does that mean for me? Should I tell her? What if she doesn't like me? What if she tells everyone and thinks I'm a freak? Not that I think Natalie would do that. She seems okay with gay people. But what if?

Not to mention that it's Natalie. No fucking way. My parents would freak. Not even just because of the whole "being with a girl" thing. But because Natalie is the opposite of everything they want for me.

There's just something about her, though. That makes me not care. About my parents, about Jackie, about anyone. She's just so her. She makes me want to be someone different. Someone interesting More myself, honestly.

You finish writing and shut the book, sticking it back in the hiding place under your mattress. Stereotypical, you know, but you weren't worried about anyone reading it. Your parents were decent about privacy, and Jackie just wouldn't do that to you.

"Y/n! Someone's here for you!" Your mom yells up the stairs, and you peek your head out the doorway of your bedroom and look down the stairs. In the doorway stands Natalie, cigarette in hand. You immediately walk down the stairs and practically drag her to your room.

"Jesus, Nat. You could warn a girl." You're not mad, exactly, but you hadn't exactly warned your parents about Natalie's look. Or her smoking habit. You didn't plan on telling them about the smoking at all, actually. Or the drugs. Or the alcohol.

"You mad I showed up to see you?" She genuinely looks hurt, and you backtrack a little.

"No. It's just that my parents..."

"Oh, so you're scared of what your parents would think of their perfect daughter hanging out with a drug addicted burnout like me?" She's clearly angry now, and you curse yourself.

"Nat, come on."

"Fuck off, y/n. You don't have to talk to me, you know."

"I want to talk to you! I like being your friend! My parents just have certain expectations for me, okay? For both of us. I just don't need a lecture or for them to tell me I'm not allowed to see you anymore." You hope your explanation makes Natalie understand.

She softens, and it's clear your words have gotten through to her.

"I don't want to feel like you're ashamed to be friends with me because I'm not what mommy and daddy wanted."

"I'm not, I swear. I really, really like being around you. So I don't need my parents deciding they hate you from the jump."

She smiles when you say that you like being around her, and your heart jumps. God, what was this girl doing to you?

"Alright, I get it. I won't smoke around your parents, 'kay?"

"Thank you."

"I actually came over to ask you if you were going to go to that party on Friday? Lottie's hosting." You're surprised at her words. She came all the way over to your house just to ask if you were going to a party? Odd.

"Uh, yeah, I heard about it. I didn't think about going, though. No reason to, without Brad dragging me there."

"Not a party person?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Would you go if I promised to hang out with you?" She's teasing you and you know it, yet her question somehow sounds genuine.

"I'll think about it," you say, already knowing your answer. She had you wrapped around your finger. You'd do just about anything if Natalie was there with you.

"That's a yes, right?"

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A few days later, and you found yourself in front of your vanity mirror, attempting to get your hair to look right. It's not that it looked bad... it looked normal. But you wanted it to look good.

For Natalie

No, fuck. Not for Natalie. For yourself.

And maybe for Natalie.

You gave up on your hair and went to touch up your makeup. Nothing much, some highlighter. Eyeliner. Mascara. Minimal. You, but different.

Finally, you're ready to go. You don't look perfect, but who cared about that? It was a high school party. No one looked perfect. You were teenagers, for fuck's sake.

"Jackie! Are you ready?" You stepped into the hallway. It was finally your turn to get back at Jackie for all the years she had spent yelling at you to hurry up.

"Christ, y/n. What's your deal?" She walks into the hall, somehow looking better than you could even fathom. How she managed to do that, you had no idea. Honestly, it was impressive.

"Nothing. I just want to leave." You shrug, feigning nonchalance. You don't really want to explain to Jackie why you're so hard pressed to go to this party.

"Whatever. Let's go, then."

With that, she's off down the hall, expecting you to follow her. And of course, you do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn't find Natalie anywhere at the party. You'd searched every room, and you were starting to get upset. Why would she ditch you? You thought she was really your friend. Was this some sort of really fucked up prank?

Taking a deep breath, you tried to rationalize it. Natalie could be mean, sure. But never intentionally cruel, not like this. She was probably just running late. Or didn't think you'd get there as early as you did.

You stood at the edge of the kitchen, being a wallflower, as usual. It was kind of interesting to watch the party go on. Everyone talking and laughing and drinking. If nothing else, you were at least entertained.

Suddenly, someone walked up behind you and tapped on your shoulder. You turned around excitedly, assuming it was Natalie.

It wasn't.

Behind you stood Brad. He looked the same, which, why wouldn't he? It had only been a few weeks since the breakup.

"Hey, y/n. I was hoping to talk to you. About us." He looked almost hopeful, and you found it gross.

"There's no us anymore. You tried to pressure me into having sex with you. That isn't good boyfriend behavior," You say, turning away from him again and starting to walk away.

Brad reached out and grabbed your wrist, stopping you from walking away. When you turned around to confront him and tell him to let you go, he leaned in and kissed you. Hard

For a moment, you didn't know what to do. You weren't expecting him to kiss you. But then you came to your senses and pushed him away. Just as hard as he had kissed you.

"Fuck you. That's fucking disgusting." This time, when you turned to walk away, he left you alone. You made your way out of the kitchen and into Lottie's giant living room, where you finally found Nat.

When you saw her, you smiled and started making your way over to her, but she just glared and turned away. Once you walked over to where she was standing with Kevyn, she didn't even glance in your direction.

"Nat, hey," you said, a bit confused. You didn't know why she was acting the way that she was.

She didn't respond and just kept talking to Kevyn, like you weren't even there. Like you didn't exist at all.

"Hey, what's going on right now?"

"Nothing. It just looks like you found better company than me." Her tone is cold, and you start to get a little upset with her.

"What's that supposed to mean, Natalie?"

With this, Kevyn decided it was time for him to walk away. Neither you nor Natalie stopped him.

"It means you found someone you'd rather be here with."

"I've been standing at this godforsaken party alone, waiting for you, and you think I've found someone else to hang out with?" Your voice is rising, and you're sure other people are watching you.

"I think you're more than hanging out with him."

With that, you grab Natalie's wrist and drag her outside of the party, not wanting any more attention on you.

"What the fuck is your problem? You show up late, you don't come find me, and when I do see you you're cryptic as fuck!" You're seething, and all you want is to know what Natalie's issue is.

"Oh, what's my problem? Maybe that you were kissing the guy who practically assaulted you a month ago! Not to mention that you were supposed to be here with me!"

"That's what this is about? I don't like him, Natalie! If you had asked instead of assuming, you'd know that! I am here with you! You're the only fucking person I want to be around, don't you get that?" That last part just slipped out, and you clap your hands over your mouth.

Natalie looks at you for a moment, shocked, but she quickly recovers. Her face is guarded again, and you can't tell how she's going to react to what you just said. You don't even know if she guessed the true meaning of your words.

"Why were you kissing him, then?" Her voice is still hard, but it's lost some of the anger within it from before.

"He kissed me. I didn't want him to. He's not who I want to be with."

"Shit."

"That's all you have to say right now? Shit? I go to a party I didn't even want to be at because you asked me to, I get kissed by my ex and the one person I know would understand gets weirdly jealous and asshole-y about it! And then I all but tell you I want to be with you and you say is shit?" You're fuming now. You've never done anything like this before. You've always been sweet and shy and non-confrontational.

"Jesus Christ, y/n!"

That's when she does it. She walks over to you and more gently than you thought possible from her, she cups your face and kisses you. It's soft, surprisingly, but there's an underlying desperation to it that makes you go insane for her.

You pull away after a moment, and you can't help but stare at her. You can't come up with a single word to say after that kiss. It was everything you'd been wanting, no, craving for weeks.

"Does that give you an answer?"

"I think so. I might need another, just to be sure, though."

She gladly kisses you again, and you practically melt. This time, the desperation is a bit clearer. It's turned from soft lips to tongues and teeth in an instant, and you have to remind yourself that you're in public.

"We should head back to my house."

"Good idea."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The next afternoon, you're sitting on your bed, journaling. Natalie had left that morning, before both your parents and Jackie had gotten up. You didn't ask her to leave, but she promised to see you at some point this weekend.

April 12, 1996

Holy shit, she kissed me. She kissed me. I didn't even know she liked girls, let alone me. I think we're together now? I mean, we didn't like talk about it. But she promised me she'd see me later.

I don't know how I'm going to tell Jackie. Or my parents. Jackie might be okay with me liking a girl, but she'd hate that I like Natalie of all people. I have no idea how I'm going to tell her.

It's fine, I don't have to tell anyone, right? I'm sure Nat would be okay with it. Maybe she doesn't want it public either.

I'm trying really hard not to worry about this. Really fucking hard. It's just so new. I've never done anything like this before.

With that, you take a deep breath and close the book, putting it away in the usual spot. There was no point in worrying anymore. There was nothing you could do until you talked to Natalie about your plans.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday morning, Natalie stood by your locker, smiling, really smiling at you. You can't help but smile back. She was your girlfriend, like, officially. She called you yesterday, two days after your kiss, and the both of you went out. It wasn't a fancy date, just sitting with her as she smoked. But you talked, and you kissed, and you made everything official.

It wasn't like you were screaming that you were together from the rooftops. Wiskayok was still relatively conservative. And neither of you were out as anything. But Natalie planned on telling Kevyn and Van, while you were working up the courage to tell Jackie.

"Hey. You're going to Calc, right? I'm headed in that direction."

"Yeah, I am." You couldn't help but smile wider. Your girlfriend was walking you to class.

"Cool."

She starts off, and you fall into step next to her. It was such an insignificant moment to most, but it showed she cared about you.

"See you after practice?" She asks, feigning nonchalance.

"Yeah, I'm taking Jackie home. I'll make sure to stop by." You give her a quick smile and make sure to brush her arm before walking into class.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A month of dates with Natalie had passed, and you were sure you were in love. She was still a snarky mess, but she also had the kindest soul you'd ever seen. Always checking on you, listening to you talk about anything and everything.

The only issue was Jackie. And the fact that you hadn't told her yet. She was acting a little weird to you, and you thought she suspected you were dating someone new. But she was letting you tell her when you were ready, which you appreciated.

You stood at your car, waiting for Jackie to take the both of you home when you heard it. Jackie, and Natalie. Arguing. About something.

Feeling a bit nosy, you walked towards the noise, listening in. It wasn't hard. They were being very, very loud.

"Why wouldn't you tell me that your latest hookup was my sister?" When you heard Jackie, your heart started pounding. How could she know?

"Hookup? You think we're just hooking up?"

"Isn't that all you do? Fuck?"

You wince at that, and almost say something to signal that you're standing there.

"Fuck off, Jackie. What me and y/n do in our spare time is actually none of your concern. And just so you know, she's not just a hookup. I really like her. Like, more than anyone else I've ever been with. And if you had let her tell you that instead of jumping to conclusions, you'd know that." Nat stormed off in your direction, and stopped as soon as she saw you.

"Shit. Did you hear all that?"

"Yeah. Give me a second. I have to talk to Jackie." You walk towards your sister, pissed.

"Jackie, what the hell? How did you know Nat and I were together? And who said we were just hooking up? Why would you assume that? Jesus Christ."

"Y/n, I just thought, because she only does hookups, that you were a casual thing! I didn't want you hurt!" She's trying so hard to make this okay, make you not mad at her. It isn't working.

"How'd you even find out?"

"Your journal." She sounds sheepish, and you only get angrier at this.

"You read my fucking journal?"

"You just seemed off! I wanted to make sure you were okay!" She's defensive, but there's a bit of an apology in her voice.

"Not an excuse, Jackie. I like Natalie, okay? And she made it clear how she feels about me. So fuck off." You knew that you still had to take Jackie home, but you didn't care.

Natalie still stood there, seemingly a bit hurt by what Jackie had said, but she was clearly happy with how you reacted.

"Can you take me home? I don't feel like dealing with Jackie right now," you ask, intertwining your fingers.

"After that shit show? Absolutely." She leads you to where her beat up old car was parked, and you sat yourself in the front seat.

"I'm sorry, about Jackie. She's normally not that insane."

"Not your fault. And I got to hear about how much you love me, so it's a win, honestly." She smirks at you from the drivers seat as she pulls out of the parking lot, and you squeezer her hand.

"Yeah well, I got to hear the same from you."

"It's just the truth."

"It'd better be."

[selfship-help]

"Shout out to gays/lesbians who ship themselves with the opposite gender and straights wh oship themselves with the same gender"?? 💀

Especially if you're fictosexual you OBVIOUSLY treat your f/o like a real person. Gay people don't like women, lesbians don't like men. And saying you support straights who put themselves in gay selfships is DISGUSTING and it encourages them to fetishize us like they always do. People like you are the reason why the lgbt community isn't taken seriously and also the reason why selfshippers get laughed at. Get a grip and stop it with the "everything is complex and valid" bullshit

hello! i hope you're feeling better from when you sent this message. i understand people can have rough days and say mean stuff like the above. but i wish to make a counter argument: the truth is is that sexuality is complex and there are many reasons why ppl (esp lesbians & gay ppl) might ship with the opposite gender such as comphet. straight ppl shipping with the same gender is not fetishizing. fetishizing is a real problem for queer spaces, and to imply that simply having romantic feelings for a fictional character who happens to be the same gender feels a bit over the top, don't you think?

the LGBTQ community is not taken seriously because of homophobes, i don't think they pay attention to the infighting within the LGBTQ community. infighting will only tear us down more, anon. i do hope you're able to see that in the future. but for now take a deep breath, grab some water, take a relaxing shower or whatever helps you best. wishing you the best! - mod ☁️

[greyarthur]

OK RANT TIME

This is an opinion that’s been fermenting in me for ages and I haven’t posted it publically because a) it’s going to be seen by only my irl friends anyway and I can just talk to them in person and b) I don’t want to seem like I’m targeting specific creators but. God. Fanfic is pretty universally awful at writing the bisexual experience. And I want to put that out there in the world.

I mean, most media is, I’ll be real. I think it hits harder in fanfic though, because it is most of what I read and generally fanfic strives for good queer rep.

As a bit of background, I’m bisexual (probably also a bit aspec, whatever, I’m working on it) and for YEARS I was bi-cycling like crazy. I was constantly like ‘I’m not really bi because I’m too attracted to men’ or ‘I’m not really bi, I’m too attracted to women’ etc. etc.

I think part of this is there just aren’t good narratives about being bisexual. And I don’t just mean characters who happen to be bisexual, I mean stories about what it is like to be bisexual.

Most fanfic (and probably original works too, I just don’t read them as much) seems to believe that all same-sex attraction is fundamentally equivalent. Like, being gay and bi is basically the same thing (bi people just sometimes fuck the opposite sex, I guess). But this isn’t true!

I mean, it isn’t even true that two gay people experience sexuality in the same way (rant for another time)

I need an example of what I mean. Ok, say I’m reading a story about a bisexual character who represses their same-sex attraction. This character goes through the classic comphet, coming out narrative.

But nowhere in this narrative does the character struggle with questions like “Well, I’m still attracted to the opposite sex, does this mean my same-sex interest isn’t real?” or “I can’t have gay encounters because I’m not gay enough, they’ll know I’m ‘faking’?”.

Like, there’s so many flavours of the bisexual experience. The girl who experiments in university but writes it off as a phase because yeah, she’s definitely into men, and only realises she’s into women as well in later life. The lesbian who realises she likes men, but represses it to fit in and feels like she’s betraying her community. The guy who 90% of the time likes women, but every so often he’ll form a connection with a man but he never pursues it because he’s ashamed. The nb person who is told that they’re pretending for attention and who feels shame because they’re doubting whether they can believe their own orientation. The mum who always felt different but never knew why, because she never fit into the traditional wlw narratives.

But we never see this specifically bisexual struggle.

I think that’s why it hits me extra hard when there’s characters who are widely headcanoned as bisexual are then are written as gay but just performing for comphet. To be clear, I have nothing against fanfic that does this – often they’re really beautiful, thoughtful pieces of writing. I just wish the same thoughtfulness existed for bisexuals.

And even when these characters are written as bi, it’s not really about them being bisexual. Like reading a fic from 2012 where Dean Winchester is bi isn’t great rep either, it’s just background information that Dean fucks women as well as men that doesn’t actually impact his character. And, again, these fics are not bad! They just don’t have the bi rep I want.

ANYWAY, off to write my bi 4 bi destiel fic (just kidding, I’m way too lazy to write anything)

[voltstone]

okay can i say a thing about esther in fics

So, this isn't something I loathe, or take great issue with, or anything, since I understand why this character is the way she is in a lot of fics, or any fandom interpretation. A lot of times, in fandoms, characters will change roles depending on the fanwork context. So if you want to explore a specific type of abuse with Enid, obviously Esther is going to fit that role.

I also have a lot to say with Murray, but I'll cool off with that for now. However, a lot of the same applies.

Anyway, I...do wish there was more nuance to Esther within the fandom? Or a better appreciation as to why she is a problem. Especially since she's a direct foil to Morticia, because both mothers ultimately have the same issue, it's just Morticia handles it with grace, and Esther doesn't.

Esther is an overbearing mother.

That is emotional abuse, which often stems from a genuine care for the child, but through a very warped perception that is so because of insecurity and/or entitlement.

I get it. I get why she's written to be physically abusive in a lot of fics, or do other things. It's a way to tell the stories people want to write, and I can't say that I won't be responsible for that. For context, the project I'm working on now has a lot of medical abuse where...it's really, really bad. Far worse than what's presumably in the show. And it's something done out of insecurity.

...can't really be a good judge of what or how I handle her, since I'm the writer of that. But. Whatever.

The point is, as someone whose personal experience with maternal abuse was never a physical one, and was purely emotional/mental, it does feel like a lot of the fandom doesn't understand how devastating those are, and equates physical abuse as...the worst kind. When in reality, they're not comparable, and it ultimately depends on the people involved. Some people can better defend themselves against mental abuse over physical, others it's the opposite.

And then you just have the additional context. Like what...is actually happening.

It's an oversimplification that I think really misses the point in trying to analyze what the show tries to say about Esther and Enid. Enid is a people pleaser. Enid does want to please her mom, but she acknowledges and pushes back against the pressure she's been put in. Very emotionally intelligent in that regard, probably because she had to be. And because she physically cannot wolf-out for the bulk of the show, Enid chooses to prioritize another thing that her mom may like: finding a "mate", of sorts. With or without a possible issue in comphet, this may be why Enid is so overbearing with Ajax. Because she's trying to compensate for not being able to frolic in the forest, beneath a full moon, as a saber dog thing.

Meanwhile, Esther is overbearing...because she is also compensating for something. When Esther hands Enid the pamphlet for summer conversion camps, she says outright that a cousin of Enid's had the same problem.

This is a familial issue. And may be indicative of something genetic: the Sinclairs, for whatever reason, have a predisposition for late-blooming. And Esther doesn't like it. Maybe because she's a late-bloomer herself, or, she saw what happened in older generations and wants to "save" Enid from it. By doing things potentially just as bad.

And she foils Morticia because Enid is not like her. The same way that Wednesday is not like Morticia. There's friction of interests. There's friction in communication, and in how to articulate love for each other.

However, Morticia actually accepts Wednesday. She doesn't understand her, but she tries. She leaves Thing to watch over her. Leaves the crystal ball. And leaves the necklace that Wednesday wears, because rather than physical touch, she doesn't mind the touch of cold obsidian. Ergo, by the time of season's end, Wednesday understands better how to communicate with her mother because her mother understands how to show her love. So she lets Morticia...kinda sorta embrace.

Esther meanwhile cannot get through to Enid because...she does not restrain herself. She's overbearing because she's being overruled by insecurity, and perhaps entitlement. There is an interesting implication with her wearing a wool vest--making her a literal wolf in sheep's clothing--, and that brings another layer of nuance.

And that's what...I really just want. I want more nuance and complexities than just "Esther evil. Esther hit Enid. Esther sell Enid off to be omega whore, or something."

So. Yeah.

I'mma go back to writing.

[totaldrama-showdowns]

Round 1 Match 11

Propaganda

Ella: she was comphetting it up, i sincerely believe her crush on dave WASN'T sincere. she loves fairytales and clearly loves the idea of a prince, but not the prince (dave) himself

Google, show me the definition of the term "cupioromantic"

She 100% just decided to have a crush on Dave because it fit with her main interest, and a Princess's got to have a prince right?

Sugar: "I'm like the opposite of one of them match-makin' fairy godmothers, whatever that would be. Some sort of unicorn, I guess!"

[angelshipper]

Purely cuz that other weirdo essentially derailed the entire conversation (cuz. Their blog is honestly pretty yikes) the point I wanna make about Steph/Tim connects to other shit you yourself have posted about. Namely - it's very hard to divorce that relationship from what a massive piece of shit Chuck Dixon is. There are things to like for sure? But because a LOT of Tim and Steph's relationship was written by a Conservative assclown who kinda used Steph as a punching bag for a LOT of Tim's run as Robin, a lotta fans (myself included) have disliked them as a ship because other writers in other books didn't treat Steph so shittily. It comes across in Dixon's writing as Comphet because almost everything Dixon could think to do with her was really sexist and her relevance in the comics was almost always tied directly to Tim - and that rubs a lot of people the wrong way, even if it's not the case in EVERY book that has Tim and Steph be a couple. Saying dismissing their relationship is Bi Erasure is in and of itself Biphobic, because it creates the implication that Tim needs to have equal significance placed on ALL his relationships to JUSTIFY his Bisexuality to the audience. And that's kinda fucked. The fact that most of the current stuff is heavily emphasising and focusing on the relationship he's currently in isn't Bi-Erasure, but demanding everyone shut up about his literal actual current boyfriend and talk about his ex-girlfriend kinda is. Is it Biphobia that basically no one talks about his relationship with Tam Fox from Red Robin (2009), or any of the many one-off or short term romances he had with girls that happened during his solo run as Robin or the Batman/Detective Comics ongoings while he was the main/only Robin? If not, then how is it SPECIFICALLY Bi Erasure to dislike the Romance between Steph and Tim for reasons that are actually way more about how poorly STEPH was treated while she was dating him? If you like the Tim/Steph ship more than any other option for either character, good for you, but please don't invoke serious actual bigotry to justify why your ship is actually the morally correct one.

I DONT LIKE TIM/STEPH. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID THAT????? Listen. My very first DC ship was Tim/Kon. I personally always liked Steph with Cassie in the fics I've seen of them. I don't even LIKE Tim as a character 😭 but you keep acting like I do? And this is not me "defending" my ship. It's not. I like their friendship fine.

I see now how my original post could come across like that and I do want to say that I very much did not explain myself well. My point was very specifically in cases where people bring up his past relationships and say shit like it wasn't real to Tim or when people make jokes saying they act like "siblings" (which is just....gross to me? In like an opposite way that Jaytim is also gross to me. Like they made out with eachother in comics and that just feels very weird but idk).

Regardless of that, my point was that people tend to dismiss their relationship as a whole one the BASIS that it was with a woman. Not because it was with Steph specifically. This isn't me making stuff up, this was stuff that was EXPLICITLY stated to me in all kinds of content I consumed. That because Steph (and others) weren't guys, Tim didn't "actually" have an attraction to them- THAT is what I thought came across as biphobia.

Like I'll be reading a fic or watching a skit and there will be a point where someone makes some kind of joke about women being hot or whatever and Tim will ACTIVELY dismiss them as part of the joke on the basis "but men tho" or will be "grossed" out when someone even MENTIONS him dating a girl (even if he isn't even dating Bernard in the context of the skit or fic or whatever) Like that doesn't come across as biphobic?

I don't care if you don't ship T/S. I DON'T EITHER AND I FEEL LIKE IVE SAID THAT SEVERAL TIMES?? But saying that their relationship WASN'T important to Tim or even less important just because it was with a girl and not a boy, and ignoring the fact he can even be attracted to girls, is that not biphobic? Like actually. If you think he'd solely gay and that all his relationships with women were comphet, fine. But in the actual text of the comics, that isn't the case. If DC comes out and says yeah, Tim is actually gay he just thought he had to be attracted to women, then I'd concede and say you were right.

Also SEVERAL writers have written about their relationship, not just Dixon? The first title I was even introduced to them as a relationship it wasn't through Dixon (because i honestly wasn't reading in any particularly order). And even though all your points about him were correct, it doesn't change the fact that SEVERAL writers have chosen to depict T/S's relationship as being meaningful to both of them, because it was??

Also like I said before, I made the exact same point you brought up about talking about his last relationships. OBVIOUSLY they're going to focus on his current one, even in fanworks they focus on the relationship and tend to ignore the rest. But WHEN those past relationships come up, THAT is when I see people acting like their relationship wasn't meaningful or didn't hold love between them.

Listen, if someone chooses to make Tim gay in their fanworks or whatever, and makes the exact same joke I brought up before, I don't care. I can just ignore it, block them, whatever but they are choosing to erase his attraction to women in their work, they're not saying he was never attracted to them. If someone goes out of their way to say how Tim is bi and then makes it a point to say how he isn't attracted to girls or claims their skit/fanfiction/art/whatever is meant to be based in canon and then does the same thing, then yeah it comes across as biphobic.

Like my issue isn't the fact people are focusing on his relationship with Bernard, my issue is that if Stephanie is brought up she's dismissed as not being in a "real" relationship with Tim.

I'm not saying Tim HAS to hold every relationship in equal importance. If he finds he has a stronger attraction to men than women? All the power to him. I'm not even saying that Tim had to have loved Stephanie more than he currently loves Bernard, maybe Bernard is more important to him that Stephanie ever was. But saying he was never attracted to women? That's what seems iffy to me.

[dyketectivecomics]

hey, i have a question, how would you write Cassie and Jinny's relationship?

would jinny be on young justice, will it be long distance, what would their dynamic be?

My gut instinct was to say that I’d probably want to focus on them in those first/awkward stages of dating? Half the fun of reading for me sometimes is just enjoying the journey of two idiots figuring things out. Sometimes ya just want some sickly sweet fluff!

But the more that I think abt Cassie having a fraught history dating Kon/Tim, the metas abt comphet & okay also CassieRose visits my mind a LOT, not rent-free just as a surprise guest atm… also Jinny still on the heels of finding her last gf cheating & when we last saw her doin the road-trip thing with her friend (now kinda-sister???)

I’m like 👀 there’s some messy potential here AND I LOVE IT

But to circle back & try to answer in mostly the same order:

If DC were to give me the reins to write a run today, I’d def want to know what Outsiders is gonna do with Jinny first & make sure I’m not stepping on too many toes obvsly. I rlly hope that they’re picking up on the road trip from the end of her Special, but the premise isn’t leaving me super hopeful that there’s any editors left at DC to pay attention to that kind of thing 🙃 also there’s speculation rn abt a new YJ book with a diff cast so I don’t think either of them are gonna be part of YJ here pretty soon 😅

For fic writing tho, the beauty is that we can Licherally do whatever we want, so I can be as canon-compliant or noncompliant as possible so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in that respect it’s a matter of when I would want that potential fic to take place (or ig what setting 👀 YJ college au request in my inbox I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOUUUU)

Long distance I think doesn’t really factor when one of the pair is able to fly so uh 😅 change in setting would have to be more of a factor to consider that? (Again, college AU I might consider it for its conflict potential 🤔) (also what qualifies as long distance bc I’ve got a friend who’s dating a guy that’s like 3hrs away, but that’s Texas distance so it’s nbd for them to see each other on weekends but I know some ppl would consider Not Living in the Same City as long distance so aksjsks) idk, distance just isn’t a big deal to me in Gen tho too. Like, You Find A Way to make it work or you don’t and that’s where delicious Conflict™️ can take root lol

And ahh dynamic… that age-old question… who’s Red/Blue, the Grump/Sunshine, who falls first vs who falls harder, god there’s so many things to consider. I do think I fall back on thinking of them as the Opposite Worlds Attract kinda dynamic (wait no, now I’m thinking of night at the museum and zom made that gemhex, not wonderhex I’m 😭😭😭)

It’s FINE, there’s not much new under the sun 😂 but yea, wonderhex is something I love a lot, would love an excuse to write for them 👀👀👀 I just need a nudge 👀

[man-squared]

An Unedited, 4AM Piece on Queer Religion [you can tell this is a 4Am post]

Disclaimer: Religion isn't bad, being religious isn't bad, liking queer things a lot isn't bad. Any concept, any religion, anything can be twisted to hurt others. This post is to highlight and share that queer people/LGBT+ are not Pure Beings that Can Do No Harm. It is also to highlight how a lot of (usually culturally Christain) queer/LGBT+ people run away from specifically Christianity into a new religion (while claiming to be atheists, or anti-theists). I am an atheist, culturally Christain, and white. I cannot speak on race (though I have opened the discussion for it) or other religions (which I don't feel like I know enough about to comment on at all).

A lot of queers have created their own religion out of queerness, for better or worse.

A significant ways can be seen in the way We (I and you are not immune to this behavior) is the Iconification of celebrities, peoples, and identities. Chappelle Roan, Lil' Nas X, Judy Garland, Sappho, and many others (even Jesus himself) have been lifted into the thrones of Queerhood. It is largely not their faults, and it does not make them bad people or bad queers (for, I argue, there is no such thing as bad 'queers' but just people with the ability for bad regardless of sexuality, gender, or political ideology). But it is as if they must be loved by all queers and can do no wrong. They are erased of their humanity and placed in the position of god(s). The same thing happens with our identities. A woman is pure and saintlike, a lesbian is the epitome of queerness, transgender people always have the say on all things gender, and whatever else may bless our queer discourses. Hell, we can even see the way queerness is whitewashed in many ways and our Heroes are commodities of strict, white boxes (please someone more equipped come talk on this). SDiane A. Bogus wrote, "This is a distinction of nationality and culture, not of race, for Sappho, as a Greek was probably a woman of color. Judy Grahn, in Another Mother Tongue, has described her as 'small and dark.' Obviously, this is not well-dissemated information; in fact, it is ignored, as is the obvious dark skin of the historical Jesus, who nonetheless hangs on the cross lily white, stained red, red blood" (The Myth and Tradition of the Black Bulldagger).

It is not 'sinful' to enjoy these figures and be these identities. They are neutral beings and neutral identifiers. They come from the need of art and definition, which is very human. The problem arises when we become so starstruck and so scared of criticism that we strip any and all traces of humanity, so one is either God or the Devil.

Adrienne Rich was a feminist writer and activist. The well-known term 'compulsory heterosexuality' was coined by Rich. Rich was also friends with transphobic people, who wrote libelous articles and books on trans people. She is not a bad person, but she leaves a bad taste in mine and others' mouths when she is mentioned. Rich herself (at least from my perspective) has not been comodified as a queer/feminist saint or god, but I have seen people praise her terminology as Bible. Compulsory heterosexuality is put on a high shelf and gazed at lovingly, but also I have witnessed people slap the hands at other queers who try to add onto or critique it - as if the theory of compulsory sexuality in general begins and ends with 'comphet' and all words written on the topic have already been etched into the holiest of stones.

'Comphet' is not bad terminology. It is a very helpful concept for many queer people, including but not limited to the lesbians we can thank for the theory surrounding it. It explains how queer people are expected to date, marry, be attracted to, and have sex with the opposite gender (e.g. boys/men with girls/women) to the point that many queer individuals conform. They have crushes on unattainable (often fictional) men, for instance. One can see why this concept is very beneficial.

However, it makes no sense to limit and guard it. Angela Chen (in her book Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex) expands upon comphet with the term compulsory sexuality - the idea that everyone has a sexuality (and acts upon it). Aromantics and other a-spectrum people have come up with the word amatonormativity to describe how society assumes that everyone will (eventually) be in a monogamous romantic (and often sexual) relationship and that relationship is the most important one that one will have in their life.

If we were to listen and be limited by the people screaming that comphet I'd purely a lesbian concept and 'non-lesbians' do not need to speak on it, then perhaps these other concepts would never be theorized about. And instead of being about the language we use to understand ourselves, our pasts, and our surroundings, we would have created another pillar to bow down to with no room for growth or deviation.

I'm not quite sure why I typed up this whole piece on Queer Sainthood, but I think it's something to think about. I saw SDiane A. Queen's quote on Sappho being whitewashed not unsimilar to Jesus and I thought about the other ways we change the humanity and race of Queerness in ways that the Christian world does to Christianity and their own idols and concepts.

Are we unreligious queers really free from religion, or have we created a new one to be comforted by (so we don't change or question) and to hold power over others?

(I don't really have a resources page for what I talked about. Most came from my head or a quick Google [duckduckgo] search, and I was already reading some of Dagger: On Butch Women when I came across Queen's quote. But if anyone wants me to dig deeper into this - like actually find quotes from Ace by Chen bc I own the book, lmk.) (I don't think I'm saying that religion isn't human, but I understand if it might come across that way. Go ahead, add what you think. Expand, detract, explore.)

TLDR: Some queer people have created a religion out of queerness. The queer celebrities and (in)famous figures their gods or saints, the terminologies and concepts and theory their Holy Bible, and the identities their own sainthood. It's important for us to discuss this. We cannot remove humanity from queerness and create untouchable people and concepts. Queerness is as much of the bad, dirty, and hurtful things as much as the pure, light, and joyous things.

[sexycornenthusiast]

Do you have any Regret hc’s?

This is a bit like asking if the ocean has water I think.

Regina/Gretchen headcanons part 2:

(part one)

They spent a lot of the summer between junior and senior year trying to genuinely get to know each other as friends without all the social pressures and pretenses

Gretchen was a little hurt when she found out how much Regina had been keeping from her the whole time

She thinks Regina's "working through basic human emotions like they're a puzzle" shtick is very endearing

They're both complete freaks in an 'equal and opposite' way

Sometimes when they're alone Regina will randomly start telling Gretchen about something fucked up that happened to her as a child. It's unclear whether she actually recognizes these as traumatic events

Gretchen writes Regina love letters, which she keeps neatly folded in her nightstand drawer and she looks at them whenever she gets sucked into the self hatred spiral

It took Regina a while to get comfortable with the typical dating stuff and not associate it with the fakeness of her previous comphet relationships

She hate hate HATES receiving acts of service (for brainworm reasons). Giving them, however-

Gretchen is very easily touched by tiny things so Regina will be like "Oh yeah I remember once you said xyz" and she'll start crying

Both of them feel like they don't "deserve" their relationship in different ways

According to Gretchen, Regina could solve literally any problem in the universe in seconds

She can and will drag Gretchen out of the anxiety spiral by the ankles. She does NOT play around

Both have a very extensive mental encyclopedia of things they just Know about each other

(yes this does freak out their friends sometimes)

Karen loves third-wheeling them. She finds it hilarious

Regina isn't any better at cooking than Gretchen is, but she's an aggressive "get the hell out of my kitchen" partner

They tell acquaintances that they're "roommates" for a long time bc they're both cowards

Their last dance at their senior prom was in the parking lot alone to whatever was playing on Regina's car radio after everyone else left. They got each other flowers <3

Their friends had a running bet going for how long it would take Gretchen to start crying at their wedding. Not if she would cry, but when

[plantdad-dante]

Book #209 - Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

(been quite a while since I was truly disappointed by a book... thought I had developed a better sense for these things)

To be completely fair... I don't think I understood this book, or what it wanted from me. I think it operated on a very different value system than I do (for instance, I have no idea what the fuck kind of weird social rules these upper-class, lower-aristocracy British people had - maybe their conversations would have made more sense then. If I knew why perfectly polite conversations were often wrapped up by an entire paragraph of bile, either courtesy of Charles' narration or in dialogue with Sebastian). Also, the whole religious stuff just confused the fuck out of me. This book clearly has a bias in this argument around Catholicism, but I'll be buggered to figure out what it is.

To be less fair.... this book gave me little to no guidance as to what it wanted me to feel or think at any given moment, or even what its first person narrator thought or felt. And whenever I did get a glimpse of Charles' inner life, it made zero sense?? He seemed to draw almost opposite conclusions than I did from the events in front of him. Something nice happens in his life, and he gets angry; someone slights him, someone excludes  or insults him, and he shrugs.

Whatever this book wanted from me, I think I don't have it, but I would have really liked to at least know what the fuck it was. Was I supposed to hate the mum, too? Why did Charles adopt Sebastian's opinion of her, when none of his interactions with her gave him a reason to? Was Charles in love with Sebastian? I mean, probably, but why bury this beneath Sebastian's alcoholism and comphet (literally falling in love with the sister who looks like a female version of Sebastian), when Anthony Blanche exists in this book and openly lives his life and goes unpunished and takes Charles to a gay bar?

I really feel like I'm missing something, because to me this book just didn't make sense, and I am blaming it on the fact that most stories actually do need some amount of telling to be comprehensible, and this one just said "no. fuck you."

I think the thing that encapsulates my feelings on this book best is the first car-ride Charles goes on with Anthony Blanche, when Anthony talks literally nonestop for five pages about something completely irrelevant and Charles just... does not comment on any of it. Does not give an opinion. On any of it. At all. The car ride just ends, they say goodbye, and Charles never, ever, thinks of any of it ever again.

[ailous-arts]

I strongly believe that Courtney is not a comphet lesbian, or even a lesbian at all.

It’s something that I have thought about for a long time. A lot of people claim her to be one, but by her actions, it is so obvious that she is not (this post isn’t to bash anyone who believes this, of course).

Firstly, using the original source of the term “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence” by Adrienne Rich, compulsory heterosexuality in short (to my understanding) is something that the patriarchy and capitalism forces upon women. That from birth, society pushes heterosexual as the normal to benefit men and their needs.

“Women have married because it was necessary, in order to survive economically, in order to have children who would not suffer economic deprivation or social ostracism, in order to remain respectable, in order to do what was expected of women because coming out of "abnormal" childhoods they wanted to feel "normal," and because heterosexual romance has been represented as the great female adventure, duty, and fulfillment. We may faithfully or ambivalently have obeyed the institution, but our feelings - and our sensuality - have not been tamed or contained within it.”

“But whatever its origins, when we look hard and clearly at the extent and elaboration of measures designed to keep women within a male sexual purlieu, it becomes an inescapable question whether the issue we have to address as feminists is not simple "gender inequality," nor the domination of culture by males, nor mere "taboos against homosexuality," but the enforcement of heterosexuality for women as a means of assuring male right of physical, economical, and emotional access.”

Whether you agree with Adrienne Rich or not, this is the definition we must base Courtney’s sexuality on.

So why isn’t Courtney a comphet lesbian? As what I stated earlier, her actions to me do not seem like something a person would do to make themselves like/love someone. Try putting yourself in Courtney’s shoes. If you were a lesbian or gay, and by the pressure of society, you were forcing yourself to love someone of the opposite sex, would you really take the time to collect multiple photos of the one you’re forcing yourself to love and collage them onto your desktop screensaver? Would you really sit there alone and stare at the screen and mutter their name for god knows how long? (Take note, that those photos are ones of Maxie “through the decades”, meaning that they might not be recent ones/ones that she took. Would you really take the time to hunt down baby pictures of someone you had no real and natural attraction to??)

(Original video link here)

“Courtney is a former scientist. She is known to have a brilliant mind, and she adores Maxie.”

I think it’s interesting that the word “adores” was used on the website for her character summary, too. Adore being defined as to love and respect (someone) deeply. I acknowledge that Courtney’s crush on Maxie is not actually confirmed and is slightly in the air, but this quote, along with her actions and the quote from the grunt in the demo “I totally know how she feels...” imply that her love for him is more romantic than platonic.

If one believed that Courtney’s love for him was platonic and not romantic, and that they truly think she’s a comphet lesbian, they would be just as right as I, but in the end, I do think Courtney’s adoration for him is out of romantic love. It’s just sad that she fell in love with the biggest homo on Earth.

[nozomisumino]

Interesting parallels between Hachi and Nana.

Something i find really interesting is how Hachi's only desire growing up is to find love, be loved, get married and raise a family. Essentially to become a traditional housewife. Whereas Nana is uncomfortable with the idea of ending up in such a position so much so she describes it as the 'worst possible fate for her'. Nana's desires being against Ren's (he wants to raise children with her and to marry) being a major reason she breaks apart from Ren and views being with him in a romantic sense as a hurtful addiction. She knows long term nothing will ever work between them but she struggles to break away from him. On Hachi's side, because of her simple desires being to get married she spends her life looking for romance, however this results in her ending up in relationships with guys she doesn't love, outside of liking the idea of being loved by them. Each character's truest dreams can't be achieved by the people they end up around.

I just really like to think that if the series never ended (I know it's a hiatus but it's been 15 years), Nana would've managed to work through her feelings with Ren overtime after whatever caused her to explode mentally and leave Hachi and the rest. And vice versa Hachi will finally realise that she doesn't love Takumi and the situation she's in with him is like back when she was with Asano and she's being abused. And my personal interpretation of how she is actually a lesbian, liking men shouldn't be 'hurtful' and 'painful' as Hachi always describes it. Also like with Asano, she loses her 'feelings' for him when it's been a while since she saw him, but then whenever she meets him again she gets wrapped under his thumb again. The same situation is happening with Takumi across the manga. Regardless of your opinion on Hachi and Nana as a romantic pairing, Hachi's issues are extremely tied in comphet for me.

It really gets to me emotionally when i think of how Hachi's fate with Takumi is Nana's literal 'worst nightmare' for her own life. It's why she struggles once she finds out to really face Hachi. However she loves her so much she wants to try and achieve her own dreams while allowed Hachi to do what she wants if she's able to be truly happy with what life she chose. Nana just really gets to me thinking about how many of the issues could be sorted if they were allowed to just, sit down, talk and discuss their issues with each other and solve their misunderstandings between each other. Hachi and Nana are total opposites as people however they fit each other perfectly. Please i just want the cast to be happy.

[xviistrings]

hello why do you think chie is straight. sorry if this is a stupid question or if i sound angry (i’m not) but i’m genuinely curious

so sorry for laughing when i first saw this it's just a very atypical question. last time i got someone asking "why do you think haru is lesbian when she seems straight?" and now i'm getting "why do you think chie is straight when she seems lesbian?". we are so progressive you guys

but yeah no hard feelings, i get this is an unpopular opinion and i am actually more than happy to explain!

so there's more to the headcanon than just heterosexuality, because i also see her as a trans woman! the two have a very big overlap and one would not work without the other in my eyes.

saying "she only ever expresses attraction to guys and not girls so she's straight" is a bad summary of my thoughts, but it does play into it. "expressing attraction" in this context does include the heavy queer subtext that is 100% present in persona 4 i can't deny that at all

a huge central aspect of chie's internal conflict is that she deems herself unworthy of love because she's not feminine enough. her shadow says she's failed as a woman and no boy will ever love her. that insecurity, feeling alienated from your own gender because you don't fit the standard image of it, that's definitely transgender in my eyes. maybe i'm projecting tho.

specifically, the insecurity lies within appealing to the male gaze. during the beauty pageant, chie plays up this timid and feminine persona (WOAH!) just to get the guys' attention. and those traits are the ones yukiko inhabits, and the ones chie envies.

that's another thing. yukiko, in juxtaposition to chie, is well-liked by a lot of the boys and they usually only talk to chie in order to get to yukiko, which is why chie always changes herself around guys so when yukiko inevitably rejects them, chie is there as their second option, acting as "appealing" as she could possibly get.

also, yukiko, in juxtaposition to chie, most definitely likes chie. she is absolutely a lesbian but i think the codependency was interpreted differently between them. to yukiko, chie was the girl who really liked her and she liked her back and they were going to run away together one day, but to chie, yukiko was the girl who she thought was superior to her and now that she's dependent on her it's boosting her ego. big one-sided crush energy.

i know i know i know that chie does actually care for yukiko. that's apparent. i've been jealous of friends before and still saw them as my friends, yes. yes yes chie said she needed yukiko and she was so eager to save her that she was willing to endanger herself, but is it such a stretch to say that doesn't have to be romantic?

i'm a very firm believer of platonic love and breaking down the relationship hierarchy and to me that means normalizing being deeply devoted to a friend. no romance involved. chie and yukiko are deeply devoted, i acknowledge that, but that doesn't mean they have to date, and that doesn't mean their relationship is any less valuable because of it.

also the whole thing behind chie "needing" yukiko is really an ego matter and not a sexuality matter. HOWEVER yukiko calling chie her prince, a concept she introduced in a romantic context, is definitely questionable

i've seen someone argue that all of this could boil down to comphet, and sure that's plausible, but when it comes to personal opinions over actual facts, i simply just disagree. chie's attraction to guys just doesn't really feel like a homosexual forcing themselves to like the opposite gender, but more of an insecure teenager desperate to be loved, which is universal amongst queer and het people alike.

chie's social link is about her learning to love herself, and takeshi or whatever his name was acts like an antagonist of sorts. he's the exact kind of guy chie continuously falls for, some douchebag who just talks to her because she's a direct train to the much cooler yukiko. but she acts different around him so when he's rejected, he falls back on her.

but chie does not settle for him, and she basically tells him to fuck off. she gets higher standards and she tells us that she wants to become someone strong and independent yet available to lean on, a protector, a role that isn't traditionally feminine! because fuck gender roles!

it's another key part of chie's character, that she's not traditionally feminine. she's loud and energetic and a more dominant force than a submissive one (don't make this weird), and although i really hate romance routes in persona, i think the foundation of the relationship between her and the protag is that even if she's like that and she's not going to change, he still loves her for who she is and doesn't make her feel like less of a woman. unlike TAKESHI FUCK THAT GUY UGH

i think it's relevant that the guy chie has a solid relationship is... well... a guy. because i think instead of just saying "fuck you" to all guys she gets a new perspective on dating and specifically dating men which is good. it's just a very different lesson otherwise and one they weren't going for initially... not that i agree with everything persona 4 says.

and like i said i really hate romance routes because i think the protagonist, as a character and not as an insert, is not compatible with like 99.9% of the girls he can date; that's why i see chie getting with a different male character who i will gladly talk about if i am asked but because nobody's asking and that will definitely add 5 jillion other parts to this rant, i won't... (please ask)

i think chie and yukiko as a couple are. okay? i do like the complexity of their relationship but i prefer yukiko having a crush on chie, chie not reciprocating, she politely rejects her, but they stay good friends and learn how to be independent. that way chie doesn't need to feel jealous and yukiko doesn't need to feel powerless! yay!

i also have another preferred pairing for yukiko that nobody asked about but i will talk about it if i'm asked... maybe even in the same post as chie x random boy... maybe... please (my followers know too well and they're sick of it i think)

actually this did turn out very long. um. you get my point though. i just feel like transhet chie is more impactful for her character than lesbian chie is. beeee who you areee for your prideeee. wow it's dark in here