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hrrtshape · 3 days ago

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a real tried and true guide on how to survive hogwarts

part i , disclaimer, context, credentials

hi. if you're reading this, you're either about to shift into hogwarts, you already have and need help, or you're nosey and looking for gossip. all three are valid.

anyway. this isn't a spellbook or a diary or whatever. it's just a guide. a stupid little guide written by a girl who shifted into hogwarts the summer before her seventh year. that girl being me. obviously. hi hello.

i'm half veela. i'm a gryffindor. i'm a pureblood and head girl. technically (allegedly) related to russian royalty (dad's side, no one fact-check that, thanks). also james potter's cousin, which is either a blessing or a lifelong comedic hex. we'll get into that.

currently, in my dr, it's march. it's 1977. yes, it's the marauders era. yes, it's sadly as complicated as you've been told. so i've been here long enough to know what's worth your time and what isn't.

this guide isn't anti-anything. it's not anti-harry era or pro-marauders or whatever tribal loyalty people feel the need to swear by. and i'm just a girl who saw a castle full of moving portraits and violently unregulated boarding school dynamics and thought, hm. better write some of this down.

expect inconsistencies. expect ellipses. expect brackets and edits. this isn't a perfect object. it's not even aesthetic. it's information, tempered with experience. and a little whining. and a lot of caps lock. i'm not neutral but i'm fair. if i tell you to avoid a corridor, it's because i tripped there and dented my knee against a suit of armour. if i tell you not to trust the astronomy tower at night, it's because i've been dragged out of it by two prefects and a howler.

– e.

part ii , the houses. dos, don'ts, notes, secrets

okay let's get one thing cleared before the owl post starts piling up: none of the houses are better. i wish. not in the way you think anyway. they're just differently annoying. it's like living with four different niche twitter cults who all think they invented......anything. you're not here to choose the best one. you're here to learn how to survive the neurotic interior of four medieval social experiments without losing your wand or your mind. so. welcome. let's start breaking this down. house by house. alphabetically. fair's fair.

　　　　　　gryffindor ,

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　do:

know who you're friends with. the tower has cliques like it's a bloody court. if you're not in the quidditch lot or the prank lot or the girl-in-the-bathrobe-eating-dried-figs lot, you'll get lost. and trust me, once you're cast out of the rhythm, it's impossible to catch up without some kind of public redemption arc.

keep snacks under your bed. someone will raid your trunk. it'll be your fault if they find nothing. chocolate frogs disappear fastest. bertie botts are currency during exam season.

back your friends in public. you can fight in private, that's what stolen bathroom mirrors are for. loyalty here is loud. you defend your people or you find new people. it's that simple.

get good at hexes. not big ones. just enough to make a point. people respect a girl who can disarm someone.

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　don't:

ask about the portrait passwords more than once. people will think you're daft or a spy. or worse, a ravenclaw.

ever speak badly of lily evans within earshot of literally anyone. ever. even if she's wrong. she's not wrong. even when she is.

think you're above house drama. it will find you. it's like poltergeist fog. you breathe it in.

try to make peace between sirius and james when they're having one of their competitive breakdowns. just leave the room. leave the building. floo somewhere else.

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　notes:

our common room smells like treacle, smoke, and someone's broken dream journal. the rug hasn't been cleaned in 40 years. it's alive.

you'll develop an immunity to boys screaming at 3am. embrace it. eventually you won't hear it. it becomes ambience.

at least three people have kissed on every windowsill. probably more. watch where you sit.

there's a secret corridor behind the second years' dormitory that leads to a trapdoor in the library. don't ask how i know. just be careful. it squeaks. use it for late-night escapism or very niche dares.

if you lose a sock, check the fireplace. the raccoon has black friday sales.

　꒰ gryffindor ꒱　secrets:

the first year with the biggest eyes is usually the one who will hex you first. don't underestimate them. especially if they knit.

someone once summoned a raccoon into the tower. it lives in the fireplace. we feed it sometimes. it knows too much.

marlene mckinnon's perfume has been banned on two floors. still not sure how she made it. allegedly involves rosewater.

there's a love letter carved behind the girls' staircase. it's in latin. no one knows who it's for.

　　　　　　hufflepuff ,

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　do:

be honest. they'll know if you're fake. they're terrifying like that. they read body language.

bring extra quills. someone always forgets theirs. and they'll remember if you helped.

help clean the common room when they ask. it's a test. pass it and you're in.

compliment their plants. especially the named ones. yes, the ones with names. and histories.

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　don't:

mock herbology. not even as a joke. you will be hexed with something fungal. a boy sneezed spores for a week.

try to flirt during study time. they have boundaries. it's revolting. save your seduction for the courtyard.

underestimate their memory. they remember everything. birthdays. betrayals. your essay title from october. you'll be confronted.

mess with their food. they will find out. they will seek revenge. it will be edible. and poetic.

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　notes:

the dorms smell like parchment and cinnamon and sometimes....... chalk? don't question it.

there's a tunnel behind the fourth table in the dining hall that leads straight to their kitchens. don't try it. you'll be caught. and possibly recruited.

their prefects have a secret meeting schedule. not even mcgonagall knows it. or she does. she's just letting them win.

they trade biscuits. it's currency......kind of? shortbread is the galleon. oatcakes are for petty debts.

　꒰ hufflepuff ꒱　secrets:

the password to their common room changes based on mood. it's... sentient?? or nosy. possibly both.

they keep an unofficial journal of the year's drama. it's charmed!!!!!! to be invisible to outsiders.

if you ever cry in their bathroom, someone will hand you a full skincare kit within minutes. i don't know how they do it. it's disturbing.

one of them dated a ghost once. no one talks about it but we all remember. it was a phase.

they've won the secret best-kept dorm award six years in a row. not officially. but we all know.

　　　　　　ravenclaw ,

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　do:

knock before entering. even if it's a public space. just do it.

carry a notebook. not to write into it to pretend you have thoughts. doodle some runes at least.

memorise the library's quiet zones. they will excommunicate you. and hiss.

fake knowledge about obscure magical theory if cornered. confidence is key. say "as aquinas wrote" and walk away.

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　don't:

correct them. even when they're wrong. especially when they're wrong. and if you do well.....godspeed idk. be ready to have a debate.

joke about rowena. seriously. just don't. you'll be hexed. and then footnoted.

ask to copy their notes. just no. they watermark them. you'll be exposed.

try to bond over books unless you've actually read them. they'll test you. it'll get socratic.

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　notes:

their dorm smells like ink and lemon tea and something vaguely metallic. one time it smelled like ozone. still no answers.

they hex their door with riddles. if you fail one, you have to wait. yes. really. it once took me two hours to get in.

some of them live like victorian ghosts. shawls. candles. unexplained sighing. and yet somehow........chic?

the girls' dorm has a wall that writes back.

　꒰ ravenclaw ꒱　secrets:

there's a ghost cat that only appears during exams. pet it for luck. avoid it if you've cheated.

the top floor of the tower hosts midnight debates. you need an invite. and a thesis.

someone keeps rewriting hogwarts: a history with footnotes and scandal. it's 400 pages now.

the portraits in their corridor gossip. say anything near them and it'll be everywhere by breakfast.

they have a drawer of confiscated enchanted pens. don't ask and don't take.

　　　　　　slytherin ,

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　do:

keep secrets. even dumb ones. it'll earn you points. they clock loyalty fast.

make allies, not friends. at least at first. friends come later. after the blood pacts.

know the rules better than they do. use that. loopholes loopholes loopholes.

compliment their robes. they'll pretend it doesn't matter. it does.

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　don't:

mention gryffindor.

ever say the word "mudblood." even here. especially here. that's not clever. that's outdated. and stupid.

try to sneak into their dorm. it'll spit you out. and then curse you. and then tell everyone.

touch anything labelled in green ink. it's not for you.

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　notes:

their dorm smells like stone and mint and disappointment. it's weirdly comforting.

their beds have curtains so thick you could murder someone and no one would know. not saying anyone has. just saying they could.....

their prefects are terrifying. but also hot??? unclear.

they have a mirror that tells you things you don't want to hear. avoid. unless you hate yourself. then it's a party.

　꒰ slytherin ꒱　secrets:

the lake window shows things that aren't real. or maybe they are. depends on who you ask. or what mood the squid's in.

someone keeps brewing perfume in the potions room. smells like rain.

one of them cursed the scales to always say 7lbs less. nobody's fixed it. people just plan outfits around it now.

if you bring them blood pops, they'll tell you anything. literally. even who snuck into the staffroom last tuesday.

there's a staircase behind the second potions closet. it leads nowhere. or somewhere. or maybe just down.

part iii , the core classes

okay so let's talk about classes. like yes you're here to learn magic blah blah but also. you're in a castle full of kids with issues and sugar highs and everyone's wand is like one wrong flick away from becoming a sentient hazard. the classes are where the chaos concentrates. the professors are mostly unhinged. the curriculum makes NO GODDAMN sense. sorry. ahem. half the textbooks contradict each other. some of the ghosts help. some of them haunt.

this is the 70s so everything's about ten years out of date. the robes itch. the desks have been cursed at least once. and everyone is tired. so. here's the guide.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　transfiguration , professor mcgonagall. icon. terrifying. if you don't cry at least once in her class you're either soulless or very very lucky. she does NOT tolerate lateness or whispers or incorrect posture. but if you're good at it, she'll like you. and if she likes you, you're safe. for now.

　꒰ do ꒱　 sit near the front. show you're serious. even if you're not. practise every day. it's not a theory class. it's kinetic. your wand hand will ache. embrace it. volunteer answers. even if you're guessing. she respects boldness. it's gryffindor-ish. learn the difference between switching spells and vanishing spells. FAST.　

　꒰ don't ꒱　 bring food. once a kid brought a treacle tart and transfigured it into a ferret. interrupt her. you will be called a disgrace and compared unfavourably to a rock. try to cheat. flirt in class. she will hex your lips together. happened last year. we remember.　

　꒰ notes ꒱　 the desks shift. don't ask. just sit quick. the textbook is full of lies. go off the blackboard. her animagus form has been known to spy on us. act accordingly. transfiguring live animals is banned. for good reason. no one wants a hamster lamp situation again. 　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ if you leave her a good cup of tea in the classroom before a test, she grades softer. the back left drawer in her desk has notes from when she was a student. cursed notes. there's a transfigured toad in the wall. it sings. no one talks about it.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　charms , professor flitwick. tiny. delightful. will take points and still smile at you. he's got a high tolerance for chaos but not for rudeness.

　꒰ do ꒱ sit in the middle row. safest zone. practise wand movement until it's muscle memory. ask questions. he LOVES them. bring colour-coded notes. he will notice. he will coo.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ speak over him. ever. skip homework. he checks. obsessively. mock his height. obviously. you'll regret it. laugh during levitation lessons. the feathers have feelings.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ he sometimes gives extra credit for neat handwriting. his quizzes are riddles disguised as instructions. his lessons are fun until someone's eyebrows get set on fire. which is often. he names the classroom objects. the chalkboard is mildred.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ he collects chocolate frog cards. if you gift him a rare one, you're untouchable. there's a charm that makes ink smell like anything. he'll teach it if you ask nicely. once levitated an entire row of desks during a duel demo. wore a bowtie. if he whistles during class, it means he's about to call on you.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　potions , professor slughorn. obsessed with potential. if you have a famous relative, he knows. if you have talent, he wants it.

　꒰ do ꒱ show up early. claim the good cauldron. befriend the slytherins. they get the best ingredients. pretend to be modest. he loves a "humble genius." write neatly. sloppy handwriting = disappointment.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ question his methods. he gets pouty. bring weak ingredients. he'll sniff them and go "oh dear." mock the slug club. even if it's stupid. breathe too loud when he's mixing.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ the classroom is too warm. always. cauldrons WILL explode if you stir wrong. someone lost eyebrows. slytherins run the room. navigate with caution. start dating one, you'll be fine. why do you think i started dating coryo?? love? soulmatism? please. i need a passing grade. the fumes are mildly hallucinogenic. it's fine.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ he keeps a vial of unicorn tears in his pocket. always. the third shelf has a jar labelled "confiscated." don't touch it. if you write your essay on bezoars, he'll nod like he discovered them. once cried during a lesson. said it was allergies.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　defence against the dark arts , professor merrythought retired last year. current one's name changes like every term. this year it's professor dorian clare. new. weird. probably cursed.

　꒰ do ꒱ act impressed. he eats it up. ask him about his travels. he WILL monologue. copy his notes exactly. he marks for phrasing. be ready to duel. at all times.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ mention previous professors. especially if they died. point out when he contradicts himself. duel unless you're ready to be humiliated. fall for him. i beg. it's not worth it.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ his lessons feel fake deep but the spells are real. the classroom changes temperature based on vibe. he's allergic to frogs. unrelated but fun. he quotes poetry in lectures. ignore it.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ keeps a cursed locket in his desk. once sparred with mulciber and won. barely. the mirror behind his desk isn't a mirror. rumoured to be part veela. denies it. suspiciously well.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　herbology , professor sprout. earth goddess. mum. will help you even if you're awful. but don't touch her plants without asking. seriously.　

　꒰ do ꒱ wear gloves. always. label everything. she loves organisation. work with hufflepuffs. they know things. compliment her earmuffs. she has twelve pairs.　　

　꒰ don't ꒱ laugh at the plants. fake knowledge. she'll know. mess around with mandrakes. even baby ones. steal seeds. that's a one-way trip to detention.　　

　꒰ notes ꒱ the greenhouses are HOT and GODDAMN HUMID. dress light. the dirt is charmed to not stain. mostly. screaming is normal. ignore it. sprout hums when she's in a good mood.　　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ there's a cactus that predicts rain. don't ask how. she grows peppermint near the windows. it's enchanted. one of the plants eats essays. it's contained. mostly. the watering cans are alive. they judge.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　history of magic , professor cuthbert binns. maybe this will be biased but i liked history of magic.........

　꒰ do ꒱ sit near the door. for a fast exit. write the date at the top of every page. it's the only thing that'll make sense. learn names and years by brute force. use flashcards. hex them to float around your bed. sleep learning. it's the only way. bring food. binns won't notice. or care.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ ask questions. he won't hear them. and if he does, he'll ignore them. raise your hand and he'll glide through you. try to take notes the normal way. you'll lose your mind. make eye contact with a hufflepuff. they're always asleep. it's contagious.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ binns is a ghost. died in the staff room. came back to teach and never left. the room is always cold. bring layers. he doesn't breathe so the lectures never pause. it's like being waterboarded with centuries. no one knows how he grades. the essays just come back. marked in blood? ink? ectoplasm? unclear.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ sometimes he mutters things not in the syllabus. listen closely. once he whispered about a goblin conspiracy and the fifth floor mirror. another time he named a centaur like he was in love. if you answer one of his rhetorical questions, he nods once. that's how you know you're still alive.　

part iv , the electives

so. electives. you don't get to pick them straight away. you're like fourteen when they hand you the form. and if you're me, you picked based on what sounded the least like maths. or what your cousin dared you into. or because someone older said something cryptic in the common room and you spiralled. whatever........... point is, some people treat electives like side quests. they're not. they're real. they eat your timetable and your sleep and sometimes your dignity. choose wisely. or don't. i didn't. and i'm fine.

except divination. divination has personally ruined my life. but we'll get there.

　astronomy , professor sinistra. who is indeed very peculiar. ("wait wasn't she from the golden trio?" YES. and i still scripted her in).

　꒰ do ꒱ bring your own star maps. the school ones are outdated. selwyn does not teach by textbook. she teaches by memory, myth, and whatever the hell she scrawled in the margins of her doctoral thesis. sit at the front of the dome if you can stomach vertigo. the best angles are up there. know your greek. know your roman.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ mention horoscopes. mention "mercury retrograde." mention co-star. i beg. this is astronomy. not tiktok's pet branch of astrology.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ the observatory is always cold. dress accordingly. do not fall asleep during moon tracking. she'll mark your chart in blood-red. she brings coffee in a thermos shaped like saturn. this means nothing but also everything.　

　꒰ secrets ꒱ the notes she gives are coded. not metaphorically. actually coded. she uses constellations as mnemonics and once buried a test answer in a kepler footnote. one time, she said she'd been to the moon. didn't elaborate. someone found a vial of moon dust in her drawer. it glowed.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　ancient runes , professor vesta rowan. terrifying. dressed like a victorian librarian who survived ragnarok. smelled like ink, iron, and lightly scorched vellum.

　꒰ do ꒱ memorise your alphabets. all of them. futhark, younger futhark, anglo-saxon, proto-cuneiform if you're ambitious. she doesn't believe in "translation." only "unveiling." sit near the fire. you'll need the warmth. copy her annotations exactly. they read like spells and might be.　

　꒰ don't ꒱ joke about tattoos. do not try to "guess" meanings. if you get it wrong, she'll break your quill. happened to me in november.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ there's a crow that sits by the window during full moons. we do not acknowledge it. the runes etch themselves into your memory if you study hard enough. sometimes literally. 　

　꒰ notes ꒱ there's a drawer in her desk full of unsolved inscriptions. you can look if she likes you.

　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　divination , professor selwyn. she's loco in the coco. no notes.

　꒰ do ꒱ act respectful. she reads doubt like others read palms. bring your own tea leaves. school supply is weak. nod even if you don't understand. especially then. her lessons are 70% metaphor, 30% trauma flashback. 　

　꒰ don't ꒱ mock the art. she'll say "not everything real is rational," and stare until you feel medieval. don't fake visions. she'll know. don't ask her to predict grades. someone did and got told "do you want to die before june?"　

　꒰ notes ꒱ she burns herbs for clarity. you'll cough. she says that's part of it. the crystal balls are real. they reflect your fear. her deck of tarot is older than the castle.　

　꒰ notes ꒱ once wrote a prophecy on the ceiling and erased it the next day. no one knows why. she once said "the tower will fall." no one knows what tower. we pretend it's metaphorical.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　　　and here comes the word of mouth editions !!!!

　care of magical creatures , kettleburn. missing half a leg. and most of his patience.

you will get clawed. bit. burned. one student got winged in the face by a hippogriff. another fainted at the sight of a thestral. kettleburn says things like "well if it doesn't kill you, it teaches you something." he is not joking.

　꒰ student reportings ꒱ bring raw meat to class. not as a snack. as a shield. bow properly. always. every creature is either insulted or flattered. there's no in between. 　

　꒰ lore ꒱ there's a forest ledger. kettleburn updates it by hand. not magically. with a pen. says the trees don't trust charms. the creatures don't listen unless you do the voice. what voice? you'll know.　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　arithmancy , from the archives of the insufferably bright (my boyfriend's yappings)

professor vector is mean. but fair. but mostly mean. she teaches like she's on a clock. possibly literally. the math is real. the stakes are theoretical. the board changes mid-equation. if you don't get it, she doesn't slow down.

one time, someone cried into their notes and they rewrote themselves in binary. vector called it "progress." there's no spell in the curriculum. it's all logic.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　ghoul studies , student consensus: what the fuck but also....... maybe genius?

　　professor: finch. first name unknown. maybe doesn't have one.

　꒰ heard ꒱ it's not about ghouls the way divination isn't really about teacups. it's about haunting, but in the bureaucratic sense. ghosts are romantic. ghouls file paperwork. there are theories. finch talks a lot about "undead sociology" and "post-human civic integration."　

　꒰ report ꒱ the textbook is three inches thick and mostly footnotes. no gossip to read here, everyone comes out of that classroom a shell of themselves.　

do not skip class. the ghouls will notice. and they keep attendance. somehow.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　┊

　muggle studies , aka the elective people took when they thought it'd be "easy." they were wrong. professor ellis. ex-ministry.

it's not about what muggles are. it's about what wizards think they are. which is worse. half the class is just unlearning magical propaganda. ellis starts every term with "muggles invented plastic. your wand can't do that."

(i got lazy, you're not getting alchemy. but then again literally does anyone take alchemy?)

part v , the before-part

let's pivot back a bit. because before you're elbow-deep in essay deadlines or crying in a third-floor girls' bathroom because someone transfigured your quill into a metaphor for emotional repression...... you have to actually get there. hogwarts doesn't just scoop you out of your boring little life and plop you into an enchanted sociopolitical fever dream without a little foreplay.

so here's everything you need to know before you even step foot on the school grounds. this is the real prologue. the chaos before the curriculum. the orientation they don't put in the welcome packet because they assume you'll just... "figure it out." okay.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　⋆　　˖　　౨ৎ　˚

　　꒰ step one ꒱ the letter. theeeeee letter. it's not a prank. yes, it looks like one. yes, it arrives via bird. yes, the handwriting is suspiciously nice. still not a prank. if you're muggle-born or raised, act surprised. it gets deliver weird.　　

it'll be on heavy parchment, folded with unnecessary drama, sealed with red wax. you'll get a supply list. there will be no prices. they assume you're either rich or resourceful. start budgeting now.

　　꒰ step two ꒱ diagon alley. ok. here's the dealio. diagon alley is like a magical version of a tourist trap. except you're the tourist and the trap is very real. bring someone who knows the layout. or fake it. walk fast. look busy. pretend you've been there before. where to get your shit:　

robes and uniforms . . madam malkin's. yes, she will pin you too tight and ask rude questions. survive.

wand . . ollivanders. awkward. you will knock something over. they'll clap.

books . . flourish and blotts. expensive. the discount section is cursed but manageable.

cauldrons and glassware . . bring gloves. the shop reeks of vinegar and broken dreams.

pets . . no one cares if you don't get one. don't let them pressure you into buying a frog. frogs are maintenance.

which shops are scams , most of knockturn alley. anything with a name you can't pronounce. any place that smells like burnt thyme. if someone tries to sell you "dragon essence," walk away. that's not dragon anything. that's snake oil. or worse...........piss.　

how not to get mugged , keep your coins hidden. don't pull out your pouch in public. don't say "i'm new here!" like it's cute. it's not. you'll be followed. talk less. glare more. especially if you look rich or muggleborn or lost.　

　　꒰ step three ꒱ platform 9¾. yes, it's a wall. yes, you walk through it. no, you're not being hazed. the trick is momentum. commit.　

how to find it , go to king's cross. look for platforms 9 and 10. find the barrier. wait till no one's watching. walk into it. trust physics. or magic. same thing here.　

who you’ll see there , purebloods with overpacked trunks. muggleborns with fear in their eyes. one kid with a suitcase shaped like a coffin. he's fine. just dramatic. prefects pretending they're too cool for this. families crying. families not crying. someone's owl is always loose. someone's cat has trauma. everyone looks vaguely amish.　

　　꒰ step four ꒱ the train. welcome to the hogwarts express. you'll be sitting on a train for about.....7 hours. with no radio. no wi-fi. everyone's too loud. someone's crying. 　

first-years get shuffled around a lot. no one wants to sit with the wailing ones.

upper-years claim their spots fast. if a seventh year tells you to move, move. unless you have an older brother who is scary and has hexed someone.

prefects sit together. mostly.

slytherins take over the last three compartments. don't barge in unless invited. seriously. gryffindors are loud and snack-heavy. sit with them if you want gossip. or a biscuit.

trolley etiquette , the trolley witch is unbothered. she takes no sides. but she's not stupid. don't try to rob her. pay exact change. don't haggle. and don't order everything unless you want to be known as "that kid who puked before scotland." 　

train politics , stuff happens on the train and it never leaves the train. alliances form. breakups occur. this is your soft launch. people will remember your entrance. so sit well. speak carefully. don't cast. and never admit to bringing contraband in your trunk. they search randomly. and mercilessly.　

and part two is incoming. sometime. 😀

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quantum1mmortality · 8 months ago

Text

Captain Curly; marriage hcs <3

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Chat I know I mentioned getting back into writing for twst but the current hyperfixation is too strong rn so just bare with me I NEED to write for mouthwashing

!this is written with an AU in mind; curly still works for pony express, but there's no ship. Just a normal job. Also J***y doesn't exist.!

Tw/cw; afab!reader, mentions of pregnancy and having said baby, MANHANDLING!!!!, teasing, use of pet names, uhhh I can't think of any else

Not proofread

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Sfw

I think Curly would definitely be a family oriented person. The further you'd get into your relationship, the more he'd ask about your opinion on kids and if you'd want any in the future.

I also think Curly would be on the traditional side, too. If you said yes to having kids, he'd take that as an opportunity to show you how good of a provider he can be, and how willing he is to become a father.

When you do eventually have children, he'd be more than willing to take off work to help around the house. You just gave birth, he knows it's hard for you, so he'd make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all three of you.

Sidenote; Curly would definitely be a good cook. He probably took culinary in highschool

If he knew Anya at the time, he'd have her babysit your children so he could take you out on dates. This happens quite often, too; probably around once or twice a month. He just wants to show how much he appreciates you and everything you've done for him and your relationship <3

He'd take you to the most expensive restaurants and tell you to order whatever you wanted, and if you're done breastfeeding, he'd order a bottle of champagne for you both.

He'd be one of those "I love my wife" husbands. Everyone at his job is so sick of hearing him talk so highly of you. It'll be someone's birthday, they'll bring a cake, and he just won't eat it. Why? "My wife could make a better cake."

After you guys got married, he couldn't stop calling you his wife. That name felt so surreal to him; like the woman of his dreams is finally his? And there's a title for that?? Of course he's going to use it constantly.

He probably also took Anya out to help him pick out a ring. And thank god he did btw because he would've gotten you a ring with the biggest diamond they had 😭😭 (sorry to all the big ring lovers in chat rn they're just not it for me)

Nsfw

Curly is a romantic. He'd want to take things slow, cherish you as much as possible, especially if it's your first time.

He wouldn't think of it as sex, he'd think of it as lovemaking; showing you his worth and how much he cares about you.

He rarely gets rough, you have to ask him to be because he just won't do it. But, he's a suck up for you, so if you want something, it's yours.

So, he'd get rough. He'd go faster than he usually does, maybe put his hand around your neck and squeeze ever so gently. But afterwards, he'd feel awful; like he was hurting you or something.

He'd apologize profusely, say he's never gonna do it again, but does it a few days later. It's like going through the five stages of grief but skipping the first four and consistently being at acceptance

He's a hand holder. Since he's an intimate person, his preferred position is missionary. He likes this position for a few reasons; he gets to see your expression if you're enjoying it or uncomfortable, he gets to kiss you, and he can hold your hand. It's one of his favorite things to do, not only because he finds it much more romantic, but he also loves how you squeeze his hand when you're getting close.

Teasing is one of the things he does best. But verbal teasing, not physical. You can hear him giggle anytime he's inside you, practically taunting you when he knows you're close. He'd say something dumb like, "aw, is princess gonna cum?" And then have a shit eating grin on his face.

Pet names are another thing he uses often. Like I said previously, he'd call you princess, but there's also other names he'd call you during the act. Love, darling, and angel are the ones he uses for you most commonly, aside from princess of course.

I saw someone else say this on here and their hcs were actually what made me want to write (I swear on my SOUL I am NOT trying to copy them 🙏🙏🙏🙏 sorry if it comes off like that) but they said Curly would be buff and I completely agree. He would be HUGE, I'm thinking 6'3-6'5, easily over 220lbs.

The manhandling would go CRAZY, you don't like a position? No issue, he'll just pick you up and put you in a different one. Can't keep your legs open while he's being a munch? As much as he enjoys the feeling of suffocating between your thighs, which believe me, he does, he can't exactly pleasure you if he's unconscious from the lack of airflow. Not a big issue, a firm hand on each leg will do the trick.

Another comment on his body alone to wrap this up; he'd definitely be muscular in his legs and especially his arms. I think his stomach would be toned, not a six pack, but toned. Maybe even a little pudge and a v line 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: hi guys pls send requests for curly fics plasplsplspslsplsplslsplspls I'm so thirsty for this man oh ky god I'm crynng

#mouthwashing #captain curly #captain curly x reader #mouthwashing x reader #mouthwashing smut #jimmy slander (mouthwashing)#i hate jimmy #fuck jimmy #me and my homies hate jimmy #chat i need him so bad #chat im so down bad #give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you

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moon-fics · 1 month ago

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Some Nights

Pairing: Bob Reynolds x Reader

Summary: During the day, the tower is filled with laughter and banter. It's a warm feeling. Until night comes and the silence is too much.

Warnings: none

A/N: This came to me during a class lecture. I physically cannot make myself write angst for him. I've tried and I just can't.

There's never a quiet moment during the day. Everyone has gotten close enough to talk regularly. There are conversations started on complete nonsense, and then there are ones about past traumas. Over time, it became natural to hear laughter or yelling every once in a while.

There'd be banging of pots and pans while Walker tried cooking. Alexei would be trying to start a dance party while everyone rolled their eyes. There were too many examples, and yet you treasured them all. It was a family you never thought you could have.

It's almost perfect. Until the night comes crawling, and suddenly the tower is dead silent. Everyone is asleep way before you. It's impossible to sleep when you're now being watched by media outlets and citizens. It's nerve-wracking to not know whether they'll accept you as Earth's heroes.

Sometimes it's unbearable to be left alone with your thoughts. However, you eventually find a solution.

One night, you're sneaking out of your room for some food. It's nearly 4am, and you know you should be sleeping. You convince yourself that one snack will be enough and then you can go back to bed.

You slowly open your door, and you almost expect a comically loud creak. Instead, you're met with Bob standing outside the door. His hands are playing with the hem of his shirt, and he looks like he's about to say something.

"I wasn't trying to be weird. I just saw the light under your door," He says while nodding. He has that goofy, closed smile on his lips as if that explains everything. The way your heart skips a beat is almost enough of an answer. "I was trying to gather the courage to knock."

"So, you just stood outside my door in hopes I wouldn't open it?" You ask. You raise an eyebrow at him and wonder how long he's been standing here. You didn't even hear him approach your door.

"Well, no," He starts, but cuts himself off. "Yeah. Yeah, I was just standing here." He admits with a nervous chuckle.

"Do you need something, or were you just paying a late-night visit?" You ask in hopes he'll give a better explanation. Bob isn't the best at giving details or talking about how he's feeling. It's why you often have to ask multiple questions to form a full story.

"Oh, right! I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out!" He perks up.

"It's like 4 in the morning, Bob." You say with confusion. Why was he asking to hang out this late? There's nothing they could do besides sit in her room. "You should be in bed."

You don't mean to sound harsh. You'd honestly love to spend time with him, but it's at an ungodly hour. You aren't sure if pulling an all-nighter is smart. However, you see the way his eyes soften and the corner of his lips dip down for just a second. Your snack will have to wait because he's in no state to be alone.

"Get in here," You sigh. You grab his arm and practically drag him into your room. There's not much to look at, but he still examines it as if there is. "I found an old projector that we can watch a movie on."

You were planning on watching romcoms on it, but maybe it'll have a better use with him. You carefully aim the lens at your ceiling in the center of your bed. It gives a large projection of whatever it's hooked up to. Luckily for you, you know how to get free movies and shows on your laptop.

That's how you two spend the night. Watching movies that he's never seen or comfort movies you enjoy. It becomes a regular thing, and after a few nights, you two end up falling asleep tangled in each other. It was an accident at first. You woke up with his arms around you and didn't have the heart or willpower to pull away. Eventually, you two just accepted that it was inevitable.

You have to admit, you enjoyed feeling his breathing and hearing his body. His skin was soft and lacked the scars most of the others had. It was refreshing to hold someone and understand them completely.

It's the second time you've chosen to watch your favorite movie. It brings a deep comfort inside you that you cannot explain. Watching it next to Bob is even better.

You're both lying on your backs while staring at the projected movie on the ceiling. There's a calm silence between you two that creates a tension that you cannot deny. Every once in a while, you'll glance over at him. His eyes are lit up by the movie, and it makes your heart swell.

At some point, he catches you staring and immediately assumes something is on his face. After clarifying that there isn't he asks why you're staring.

"I don't know. You just look happy," You explain. It's the truth, he's been looking happier. Ever since you've invited him to stay the night and relax with you, he's been brighter. The nights are no longer as hard. "I like seeing you like that."

"You make me happy." He blurts out. It's sudden, and his eyes widen. He sits up and turns from you as if he's just spilled a dirty secret. You're frozen in place, wondering what that truly meant.

"Hey, don't shy away from me." You sit up and turn to him. You can't help but let out a laugh at how he's practically shunned himself. You place your hand on his shoulder and pull him towards you. "Come on." You coo.

When he finally faces you, he's beet red. You have another round of laughter before composing yourself. Your eyes land on him, and he's frowning. He looks humiliated, and it crushes you.

"You don't need to laugh. It was stupid of me to say," He mumbles while unable to hold eye contact. His words make your skin crawl at the idea of hurting him. He thinks you're rejecting him or mocking him at least.

"No, no, I'm glad you said it." You grab his chin to force him to look at you. "You make me happy, too." You keep your voice down. It feels more intimate to say in softly than to rush it out.

His eyes brighten once again. There's uncertainty within him because for all he knows, this could mean two different things.

"Yeah, but, uhm, I feel a 'I want to kiss you' happy," He stumbles over his words while trying to explain himself. "N-not like a 'I enjoy your friendship' happy." He speaks quickly as if he's running out of time. Your hand moves from his chin to cup his cheek.

"So, kiss me," You suggest. You try to play it cool, but deep down your heart is pounding. You want more than anything for him to actually kiss you, but when he pulls away an inch, that hope flies away. "Or not. I mean, it's whatever you're comfortable with-"

You're cut off by the harsh crash of his lips against yours. It's sloppy at first, and it feels like kissing for the first time. After a few seconds, it slows down and softens. It becomes natural, and you don't want to pull away. His hands wrap around the top of your neck and reach your jaw. His fingers curl around the base of your hair as he pulls you in closer.

His lips are chapped, but they aren't rough. You can sense his need to be closer, and it's intoxicating.

He's the first to end the kiss to get air. His hands never leave their place.

"Like that?" He asks nervously. His puppy eyes are too much to bear. He's so anxious about doing it right that it only makes the moment more special.

"That was perfect." You assure him. Right after you pull him back into another kiss.

#bob reynolds x y/n #bob reynolds x reader #bob reynolds #bob reynolds x you #the void x reader #void x reader #the void x you #sentry x y/n #sentry x you #sentry x reader #lewis pullman #thunderbolts*#thunderbolts #robert reynolds x you #robert reynolds x reader #robert reynolds #bob thunderbolts

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yuulettte · 10 months ago

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"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫?!"

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐉𝐮𝐣𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐮 𝐊𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐥𝐥 ✧ദ്ദി( ˶^ᗜ^˶ )

✰ Tags: gn!reader x various JJK men, fluff, reader has a cold oh NOOOO!!, sfw, just sugary sweet

✰Characters: Gojo, Yuta, Yuji, Geto, Megumi, Nanami

✰ A/N: I tested positive for covid so I decided to be self indulgent.. First time writing hcs for most of these boys ( ´ ▽ ` ) I apologize in advance

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧��˚

𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You tell him not to come near you out of habit, but he reminds you about his limitless technique! Can germs touch him? Who knows~

Long movie watching sessions, he'll buy you whatever you want to eat. Shoko told him to make sure you're hydrated, so he might force you to drink. Good luck!

Still manages to make you laugh with his antics. He'll wave his hands over you, using that eccentric tone, "Get better~ get better~!" as if it'll magically heal you

One time you catch him reading articles online on how to take care of a sick partner. The expression on his face is that of pure focus

He eventually gets fed up and says something about how 'the strongest never gets sick!' And thus turns off his technique to cuddle with you. He catches your cold the next day LOL

Guess even the strongest isn't immune to flu season

𝐘𝐮𝐭𝐚 𝐎𝐤𝐤𝐨𝐭𝐬𝐮 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Attentive in every way. Is absolutely unafraid of getting sick. He always ends up catching whatever bug you have because he takes care of you no matter what

Runs you warm baths. He'll help you wash, dry your hair, and get dressed.

Rubs your back if you're feeling unwell, even when you're not sick ( ´ ▽ ` )

"What do you need? I'll go get it for you. Is there a dish you'd like for me to cook?"

He's an insanely good care taker (no surprise)

Has a habit of buying you plushies whenever you get sick, so your bed is over taken by them after a few years of dating. It's an army.. Or so you call it!

Will give you that sad puppy look if you refuse to let him hold you, even if it's out of love. He just wants to make you feel better

Doesn't let anyone else enter the house unless it's your family, he's your boyfriend and so it's his responsibility to take care of you! (he's protective)

𝐘𝐮𝐣𝐢 𝐈𝐭𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Will show up at your place with a bag full of medicine and goodies

Also doesn't care about catching whatever you have.

"I've got a super good immune system, so it's no problem!"

It's true too, what takes you a week to get over he'll tank in two days. It's actually kinda scary

He'll do whatever he can to make you laugh. And if you can't, then he'll comfort you

You'll have video game tournaments in your bed, and by the end he's always curled around you like a guard dog. The both of you fall asleep like that often

He'll wipe the sweat from your forehead and give you a cooling pad when you wake up as an apology :'D

𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐨 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

He's not very good with germs, so he might keep his distance if you have a nasty virus

He still really cares! Just may approach you with a mask and some anti bacterial

Lots of praise. Reminds you that it'll be okay, you'll feel better soon and he'll make sure of it

"You'll feel better soon my love, don't worry. Just drink this,"

He'll sooth you with his voice to help you fall asleep.

Like Satoru, he'll ask Shoko for advice on how to care for you. He takes to it more naturally, though. It's the dad vibes! Care taking is in his DNA

You find yourself getting sick way less often when spending tons of time with him. He just has that sort of aura?

𝐌𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐢 𝐅𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐨 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Not the most emotionally attentive, but he'll come over and bring magazines/books for you to read and some medicine

Will sit with you in silence. He doesn't want you to hurt your throat from forcing yourself to talk

If you'd like, he'll summon his shadow dogs for you to cuddle with. He'd do it himself but he doesn't want you to feel sweaty

He's surprisingly strict about what you eat. It has to be homemade and full of nutrients

He cooks recipes that Tsumiki taught him for you ✧ദ്ദി( ˶^ᗜ^˶ ) they're delicious!

Even if he doesn't show it outwardly, he's honestly extremely worried. He wants you to get better as soon as possible!

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

He takes time off work, you're his number one priority. He WILL be the one nursing you back to health

Husband material. He knows all of your favorite sick foods and most effective medications

Firm about you getting rest. "Please, allow me honey," and it's you literally reaching for a cup of water

He cooks meals that are easy on your stomach. Took the time to educate himself on what vitamins to give you

Will likely also catch your sicky, but he honestly doesn't mind because that means more time off with you.

The two of you will be wrapped around each other in bed while he reads to you, both with wet towels on your foreheads <3

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀ ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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amazinglyashy · 8 months ago

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HI I LOVE ur lads headcanons ‼️ idk if u do angst but im feeling some angsty/hurt/comfort........... can i pls request the lads men's reaction to the reader rejecting their confession bc we think they deserve better...... someone who doesn't have a heart condition (like the mc) or something........

Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! And oh man, I love angst and hurt/comfort, as long as I get to give it a tiny bit of hope/a happy ending! I felt this one though, I've thought about it before with my own MC…….. a few dozen times- Hope you enjoy, and thank you for the request! <3

Love and Deepspace Li’s reactions to you rejecting their confession due to feelings of inadequacy

Rafayel -

Rafayel is… surprised, to say the least.

Not only do you not have any memory of him or the things you did together- the things you did to him- but you also are straight up turning him down when he finally realized that he needs to confess to you all over again.

He's pretty upset.

It'll definitely turn into an argument, and you know he's hurt. Damn, you're hurt too, just having to turn him down. He makes you feel something, like you're special. Like you're everything to him. Like you're not…

Broken.

And it'll come out eventually. Maybe not blatantly so, but in small ways, your feelings of inadequacy will start to leak through the cracks that are forming in your resolve as you try to refuse a man who has already been refused his love by fate and prophecy for far too long.

And somehow, that makes it so much worse. Because he can fight fate, he can go against the currents of time and the ever evolving cruelty of human nature. But he can't do anything about the feelings raging inside your own head.

He's sure going to try though.

Angrily but calmly, he will start firing off things he has done for you, just because he's loved you so much, throughout all of your time together and even before. He doesn't know if it'll make it worse, make you feel like he already does too much for whatever it is you see yourself as, but he's going to do it anyway. And slowly, it'll start forming into the things you two do together- the things you've done for him when he needs you.

And you're going to be there a while, because until you start to realize, until he starts to chip away at that dark feeling in the deepest reaches of your mind and heart, he's not going to let up.

Not now, not ever.

Sylus -

He's a bit taken aback, but he's not particularly surprised. He had seen this coming, mentally prepared himself for it, even. He knew after his treatment of you when the two of you had just met again for the first time, that any sort of official relationship between you two would be tricky to get to. Especially putting an actual label on it.

He'll be a lot more surprised when he reads between the lines at your words, and realizes it's not because you're still scared of him, but because you don't think you're good enough for him.

"You can't be serious, sweetie."

He's not going to force you to accept his confession, but regardless of how timid or aggressive you become, whether you escalate it vocally or try to exit the conversation, he's not arguing with you. He pretty much refuses to, as he instead begins to state snarky facts as he crosses his arms, watching your reactions as he does.

"When you patched my wounds a month ago, was I not deserving of your hands caring for me because they were shaky and belonging to you? How about that girl you muttered about that we saw at the café who was mad at her boyfriend to the point of shouting, when he didn't get her the right cake she wanted? Are you saying you're worse than her? Helping me on jobs simply because you want to exist near me is… not good enough for me?"

"Sylus, that's not what I'm saying-"

"Oh don't worry sweetie. I know exactly what it is you're saying. I just know it's a particularly misinformed, self loathing thought for you to be having. Don't you think it's insulting for you to decide who I give my love to? After every calculated decision you have witnessed me make?"

He'll finally soften, reaching out a hand to gently rest on the side of your neck, his thumb brushing against your cheek in a gentle back and forth.

"You don't need to be concerning yourself with what I deserve in a partner. You should have faith in my opinions, if not for yourself, but for your confidence in me, sweetie. After that, the rest is up to what you truly want in your heart."

Zayne -

His reaction is definitely the most reserved initially, especially until he realizes why exactly you're turning him down.

He definitely has the passing thought that maybe you're just misunderstanding him again, just like back with the snow seals when the two of you were still kids.

When he realizes that's not the case, and instead, it's your own internalized feelings, he's first a bit relieved, and secondly- pretty perturbed.

"It's interesting to know that's your perspective, given how much you enjoy those fictional stories with ironic pairings. I would think that it would be the most romantic thing for a heart patient to be in a relationship with a cardiac surgeon.

His biting but well-meaning quips aside, he's not quite sure how to break it to you that he used to be in a similar boat, and still is to some capacity. Which is partly why he's a bit upset to understand your perspective.

He's genuinely surprised you haven't processed the timeline of the two of you and your lives. Your accident that caused the state of your heart, his leaving to study medicine and become a specialist in cardiology and a renowned cardiac surgeon- are you not able to see that it's not an inadequacy for him, but his own lack of knowledge when you first started having issues made himself feel inadequate? Why he left without a word for years in the first place?

And not just that- it also applies to other fields too. He has no issues helping you where you need him, because he knows the extent of your capabilities, much like he knows his own. And he will spend forever if he needs to, to show you that loving is not about who does more. It's about doing what your partner needs, no matter how much or how little that is, and loving each other through every hard moment.

And you're about to hear every ounce of his convincing, opinions, and own feelings, until you start to see. Until you finally see.

Xavier -

Unless you tell it to him straight, he's not going to know why you rejected him. He'll be hurt, but he'll accept your rejection graciously and politely, before trying to figure out just how to get you to accept it.

There's an increase in claw machine dates, movie night invitations, and how much he helps you with missions or even just around your apartment. Eventually, you process the weird behavior and you're all but forced to confront him on really truly why you rejected him.

It's Xavier, so you try to play it off as a lighthearted situation or a joke, but you can see his expression darkening, and you're not sure if it's because of him being upset at your words, or realizing just how much time he has sunk into you with how... broken of a person you are.

Turns out, it's the former!

It's hard to not realize such, as he's pulling you into the tightest hug he's probably ever grabbed you into.

For a while, it's just you and him standing there, with him squeezing you tightly and you not knowing what to do with your hands or the lump rising in the back of your throat. He doesn't really know what to say, but he does know he needs to say something.

"I'll definitely make you see that you're more than enough for me."

"Xavier- that's not how this work-"

"I know, and I don't care. I- I need you to know that you're everything to me. You're not inadequate, or broken, or anything you've been telling yourself. You're more than enough. You're more than everything to me. And I'm not going anywhere until you finally understand that."

#.writey #love and deepspace #lads #x reader #lds #lnds #love and deepspace sylus #love and deepspace rafayel #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace xavier #rafayel x reader #sylus x reader #zayne x reader #xavier x reader #.req

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