#when grinding darkness isnt really easy

[foxstens]

ghfnghfgf spent valuable resources on ‘themes’ only to find out they’re worthless

[bangtangalicious]

death valley (m)| part 12

summary: a summer internship at a famous record label turns wild with blurry nights of dangerous men, dirty money, and extremely hot sex. you soon get caught in a savage game of greed, power and obsession, only to find out that you are the grand prize

pairing: ot7 x f.reader smut ft: jungkook x reader, jin x reader

genre: smut. yandere. mystery. thriller. gang!au rockstar!au

wordcount: 7k

warnings: multiple & explicit smut scenes. buckle up. very rough sex, possessive & obsessive behaviors, yandere behaviors, penetrative sex, oral sex, emotional and slight physical abuse, manipulation, fighting. like fighting fighting., guns, shootings, aggressive gun play, spanking, slapping, hair pulling, spitting, leg...grinding?, choking, coersive sex, threats/blackmail, depictions of panic/fear, mourning, mentions of murder, jimin isnt dead so dw, crying, dacryphilia if you squint, so much dirty talk, degradation, praise, pet names, toxic relationships, mentions of torture (not described), one car chase, drug use, jealousy, use of the word “crazy”, dom!jin...yeah, dom!jungkook, jungkook goes hard on you tbh, lots of kissing, rockstar!namjoon is coming yall, reader is a baddie but also needy as fuck

series navi | masterlist | part 0 | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | finale (lite) | finale (dark) part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | 

It’s easy to take people you love for granted. Until they’re gone for good. Flashing on the television in front of you was a picture of Jimin, looking just beautiful. His hair slick with sweat. Low cut shirt hanging against his gorgeous body. Leather jacket snug over his shoulders. Unfortunately, the adjacent headline didn’t match.

Sources confirm that Park Jimin is no longer planning to continue with his tour for the time being. Fans can expect full refunds. Meanwhile the stock prices of his label took a big hit as…

Jimin was missing. You had assumed he walked away fine, but if Yoongi was here with you then perhaps…perhaps he killed him.

Your heart clenched at the realization that you may not ever see that bratty smile of his again. His teasing tone, his infuriating attitude. Those dreamy eyes, lush lips. His soft whispers and sweet smiles—you gasped. Desperately searching not for air, but an escape from your reality. 

Shutting your eyes, you thought back to happier times. Moments lost amongst a large crowd— singing at the top of your lungs as Jimin’s fingers amazed you with the way they trailed effortlessly over his guitar. The way he’d catch your eyes at almost every show, sending a wink your way before flipping his sweat-ridden hair back, brows furrowed as he chased a high note. The night ending in your fading screams.

Screams that resembled those that left your parted lips when he would fuck you hard, like he did that one night backstage. When he would choke you, batter you with filthy words as he’d fill you up— always taking you raw. The only way he liked it. Then he’d kiss you softly, adoring every inch of you. Shower you with compliments, you were the most beautiful to him. He really loved you—hadn’t he. Your dream came true and you took it for granted. Guilt surged within you.

You jumped—the television suddenly snapping off. Yoongi paced up behind you, sliding his arms over your shoulders to place a soft kiss on your cheek. “Why are you watching that?” He hummed, peppering your face with love. His actions sweet, but his tone filled with bitterness. Within his hold you melted yet again, unable to forget the way the two of you made love the night before. Only for you to wake up feeling sick to the core in the arms of a monster.

“I can’t watch the news?” You deadpanned. “Oh…I can’t watch the news if JIMIN is on it?” Hissing, Yoongi gripped your throat, forcing your face to turn towards him. His eyes intense, seething. This only fueled your desire to taunt him further. You felt a sudden rush of boldness—how far would he go?

“What did I say about saying that name?” His words seemed to drag reluctantly through gritted teeth before piercing you in the heart. You held his gaze in a silent wrestle for power. Not wavering. Not blinking. Pushing one another to the limit. Curious to see who’d snap first. Finally he loosened his grip. “Sorry”

You shrugged him off, leaving the couch to distract yourself with his impressive assortment of fruits. Coming up behind you, he rested his cheek on your back, palms curling around your hips as he swayed you slightly. Ignoring his actions, you pulled out the kitchen knife, intending on slicing through an orange when he slid his hand over yours.

He twirled the knife with familiar ease, settling a tight grip on the handle. Thin metal sheathing through the rough, bright skin of the fruit, wet sounds of leaking juice as he continued to cut deeper. “Sleep well my love?” Your eyes fixated on the fruit, now halved, as Yoongi turned it over, cutting through it’s flesh once again.

Faintness overcame you, as you felt your consciousness diminishing with the quartered slices of fruit being cut one last time. Driving the edge of the knife into the core, before reaching his final, ideal piece. Your body began to shake—causing Yoongi to glance at you with concern.

“Here” He picked up a slice, pushing against your rigidly clamped teeth, forcing your mouth open to receive the fruit. He observed the way you bit down, the tart flavor exploding in your mouth, tantalizing you to ignore the acidic sour through an overwhelming sweetness.

Gulping it down, your nausea spread as words began to replay in your mind. You know who did it. Don’t fucking lie to yourself. Your breath escaped you as Yoongi pulled the fruit out of your mouth, swooping down to lick the juice off the edges of your parted lips. His tongue gliding its way into your mouth, exchanging a moment of affection.

“Did I scare you my love?” Yoongi whispered, hands trailing up and down your arms. “You know I didn’t mean to, hm?” He took a piece of the fruit, sucking on it nonchalantly before tossing it into the trash. You glanced at the door, wondering if there was any chance at all that you could make a run for it. “If you just follow my one rule, you know I’d never raise my voice at you right princess?” He sighed deeply, eyes flickering down your shirt where he suddenly felt an urge to take you there on the counter.

“Did you kill him?” Yoongi crooned his neck, trying to ensure he heard what you said. You shut your eyes, gripping the knife in front of you for comfort. “Did you kill…J-Jimin?” You ducked, anticipating Yoongi’s rage. To your surprise—he said nothing. Instead he looked at you with mused interest.

“And what if I did? What would you do hm?”

You gave him the nastiest look you could conjure. “Fuck. You.” Immediately, he covered your hand on the knife, yanking your hand up to press the blade against your cheek, letting the flat edge roll over your burning skin.

“Oh I will princess. Every single day.” Sliding the knife away, you hissed as a small cut appeared on your face. Luckily for you, a knock on the door came—or you were almost certain he could have killed you right there.

Namjoon stood timidly at the door. He looked over to you immediately, eyes widening with concern as he noticed the scar on your face.

Yoongi groaned in irritation, “Namjoon will take you to work and I’ll join you shortly” He watched as you begrudgingly followed the man out the door, as it close behind you Namjoon pulled you aside, tracing your cut with his finger.

“I sweat to god if he—“ Namjoon clenched his fist, ready to barge back inside and beat his boss senseless. You latched onto his muscular arm, shaking your head.

“It’s fine. I’m fine” He growled, but obeyed nevertheless. Grabbing your shoulders, he pinned you against the wall, slanting his lips onto yours. “N-not here” You gasped, pushing him away “He’ll kill you”

Namjoon sighed. He knew you were right. Something bitter ticked within him. Yoongi was turning out to be a pain the ass. He wasn’t about to stand by and let you get manipulated by some abusive man. Did you really love Yoongi? Namjoon had been convinced of it at the time, but he was starting to wonder. What happened that made you throw yourself at him the other night? Did you perhaps realize that you wanted someone else?

Someone…like him?

-

Hobi’s thumb slid rapidly against the screen of his new cellphone. Rolling his eyes, he tossed it aside, cursing under his breath. His inbox had been flooded ever since Jimin had gone silent, media eager to know his whereabouts.

He licked his lips, deep in thought as he tried to figure out his next move. Yoongi evidently wasn’t paying any mind to the fact his label was falling apart. He had intended on remaining loyal to Yoongi, even after finding out the truth, but Namjoon had managed to change his mind, showing him what an insane man he really was. Namjoon had pleaded Hobi to overtake the label from him, and in doing so ruin Jimin’s career, and jumpstart his own.

Hobi entertained the eager singer. Knowing that he was far too naive to actually pull through. Taehyung had approached him with a proposition shortly after and here he was, sitting besides the man whom he thought to be an enemy, now an ally. Taehyung’s legs were popped up on the couch, examining a new pack of bullets before sliding them into his revolver.  

“Just drop something to distract them” Taehyung suggested. “Kim Namjoon. He’s decent right? Just drop a song of his”

“I dunno…it might piss Yoongi off too much” Hobi muttered. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

“Exactly. Yoongi’s a fucking mess when he’s angry. It’s perfect. He’ll go insane on Namjoon, get that bitch out of our way too” Hobi frowned, not ideally wanting to hurt the kind intern. Namjoon desperately wanted Jimin kicked out of his contract. But Hobi knew better. Jimin was a cash crop, his die hard fans willing to sell out each of his shows within minutes. Namjoon’s music was good, but not good enough to be worth dropping an artist like Park Jimin.

“Alright, alright fine” Hobi said. He grabbed his laptop, pulling up Namjoon’s demos. Sighing deeply, he uploaded them onto the site. Once he pressed submit he gasped, hits came rolling in by the second. “Oh God”

“What?” Taehyung sat up in concern, watching as Hobi began to laugh hysterically.

“He’s going viral”

-

A catchy drum beat began to pick up—radio buzzing through Namjoon’s black Cadillac. You hummed along, not recognizing the song but feeling familiar with the singer’s voice—wait a minute.

“Namjoon” You tapped his thigh rapidly, turning  the volume of the song up to hear more clearly. “Oh my God Namjoon—it’s your song” Focused on the road, he didn’t process your words as he made a turn into the parking lot. “Namjoon!”

“Hm?” He rolled his tongue in his cheek, looking around for a parking spot.

“Your song is on the fucking radio Joon” The car came to a screeching halt once Namjoon finally registered what he heard. He blinked at the dashboard, changing the stations to ensure that he wasn’t hallucinating. You squealed in excitement, pulling him into a tight hug. “Congratulations!! You finally did it! You’re finally gonna be a rockstar”

Tears welled in his eyes— he couldn’t even believe it. Glancing at you, so excited and proud, he succumbed to emotion. Lips smashing against yours. He had your face heating with want. Through the intentional glide of his lips, pressed tight against your own, he reeled you in, kissing you passionately. You couldn’t bring yourself to back away, until suddenly you felt something flash in front of your closed eyes.

The two of you practically jumped off of one another, but it was too late. Paparazzi hounded the vehicle, having an absolute field day. “Shit” Namjoon snapped, slamming his fist into the steering wheel “Shit. Shit. Shit! I just kissed Park Jimin’s girlfriend didn’t I?” He buried his face into his palms.

You passed a weak smile to the cameras before pulling down the sun visor to block the prying lenses. “Hey—any PR is good PR”

“Not when Yoongi’s gonna fucking blow my brains out” Namjoon whined “Goddamit” He licked his lips. “Well fuck, might as well give them a show” He grabbed the back of your neck pulling you in but not before you pushed him away. He made a face, which you ignored—contemplating the repercussions of your actions. If Yoongi laid a hand on Namjoon, you didn’t know what you would do. There was no way you were about to let that happen.

Carefully, you exited the car, hiding your face with your palm before going to Namjoon’s side and helping him out. You dragged him inside as fast you could. The second you walked in the entire staff, collected in the lobby, erupted in applause. Namjoon blushed.

As the claps died down, one remained—belonging to non other than Hobi himself. You noticed the way he winked at Namjoon, before clearing his throat. “Congrats buddy. You passed Jimin’s comeback sales with your debut already”

You gaped at him. It simply wasn’t possible. They hadn’t promoted Namjoon at all. Namjoon hugged the songwriter tightly, thanking him.

You pursed your lips. Something was off but you had larger issues at the moment. Slipping away you creeped into Yoongi’s office, determined to search through his things before he arrived. You were going to find that goddamn disc. You were going to destroy Death Valley if it was the last thing you did.

Carefully sliding the door shut behind you, you locked yourself in. The hairs on the back of your neck coming to attention as you heard a sinister laugh.

Oh. My. God. You carefully turned, blood running cold.

“Y-you’re alive?”

-

Jungkook arrived at your apartment complex, a sense of familiarity as he went up the elevator. He missed living with you. He had barely been able to sleep the past few days. The inner turmoil consuming him of ever aiming a gun at you.

You were the only person who took him seriously besides Namjoon. Despite all the warnings, you had placed your faith in him. Only for him to turn around and betray you like everyone else. He didn’t want to. He really didn’t. His respect for you was unparalleled. But he fucked up. 

Now, he may as well profit off of the less-than-ideal situation.

Yoongi stood in his doorway, cigarette in his lips. Jungkook scoffed as the gangster snapped for him to follow. Not even bothering with a greeting. Jungkook did not like Yoongi at all. From what he could gather the man was rude, impulsive, and just an all around nasty person.

“Did you do it?” Jungkook shook his head, arms folding over his chest. He had looked everywhere for Jimin after losing track of you. He was almost certain the star was dead.

“He’s gone” Jungkook didn’t exactly lie. But Yoongi heeded the good news regardless. “Where’s my money?” Yoongi clicked his tongue, smirking.

“Not so fast street rat” Jungkook clenched his fist “I need you to do one more thing for me. I’ll double your pay”

“What?” Rolling his eyes, Jungkook watched as Yoongi pulled up an article on his phone. The headline showing a picture of you and Namjoon kissing in a car. Jungkook almost laughed. You little minx. He felt strangely proud of you.

“Kill him”

“Excuse me?” Yoongi groaned, grabbing his gun from his back pocket. Jungkook quickly did the same.

“You know you can’t kill me dumbass. Do as I say. 4 million” Jungkook gulped. It was moments like this that had him gaining his infamous title as a rat. Would he really sell out one of his oldest customers, one of his closest friends? But also. 4 million dollars. He could do a lot with that kind of money.

“Fine” Jungkook grumbled, lowering his aim. “I’ll do it. I’ll get rid of Namjoon” 

Yoongi’s phone began to ring, Jungkook’s stomach flipped upon seeing the contact name. Kim Taehyung. Yoongi’s expression was confused, but he answered nevertheless.

“Is this some sick jo—“ Jungkook watched as Yoongi’s eyes darkened. “You bastard I swear to god if you lay a—“ His fists were clenched, knuckles almost white. Who the fuck?

Yoongi threw the phone across the room, prompting Jungkook to duck as the television behind shattered to pieces. He screamed, pounding his fist into the counter. He turned to Jungkook, a look of utter trepidation.

“Jin’s alive” Jungkook’s mouth went dry. No way. He had shot him himself. “And he has Y/n. Shit. Come with me to the label right now, she’s in danger”

-

Jin sighed, clicking off his phone as he turned to you. “Why do you look so afraid?” He teased, knowing full well how petrified you were of him. He had missed it, the way you would quiver and tremble in his presence. He wanted to pin you against the wall, stuff your mouth with your panties and rail his cock into your tight cunt, but that would have to wait.

Taehyung had been explicit in his instructions. He wasn’t to harm you nor anyone else. His mission was arresting Yoongi. Nothing more, nothing less.

But Jin had other plans. Plans Taehyung would never approve of, but he could care less about the sleazy bastard. In the back of Jin’s mind, he knew he would kill Taehyung the most ruthlessly, for getting away with fucking you time and time again. But first he wanted Yoongi. Oh the things he wanted to do to Yoongi. He wanted to pry his teeth out one by one. He wanted you to watch as he did it. Suck his cock while he did it.

Then Jimin. Lucky for him, Taehyung had Jimin tied up and waiting just for him. All the cards were in play.

“How’s paradise with Yoongi been? You believe what I said yet? See how crazy he is hm?” You pursed your lips, only making Jin laugh “Hate being wrong don’t you? It’s okay. Happens. Don’t worry I’m not gonna touch you…yet.” His eyes flashed, “Unless you want me t—“

“I do” You blurted. Jin tilted his head, shocked by your eagerness. “God I want to fuck you.”

He grinned, teeth on display before licking his lips “Well be my guest”

There was no hesitation in your step. Jin would have been suspicious, but was far too distracted by the way his cock stirred as you lowered yourself in front of him. 

Cupping your cheek in his hand, he slapped you lightly. Then again, enjoying the way you would recoil, cheek flushing at the impact. Grabbing a hand full of your hair he pulled you back, straining your neck as he spit onto you.

“Filthy. You’re filthy” He chuckled, reaching down to smack your tits. Your lips were glued shut, taking the hits with ease. He hissed, pulling your head suddenly and stuffing your face between his legs. He rolled his hips into you, muffling your face as you whimpered. His restrained cock pressing against your cheek. Yanking you back again he could see the hate in your eyes. “You’re so cute when you’re mad.” 

He slid his foot between your thighs, pressing his calf against your trembling cunt. He moved his leg up and down, created some much needed friction as you mewled.

“Like that?” Jin chuckled. You whined, twitching as he sped up. He kneed your stomach when you didn’t respond, making you yelp. “I asked you a question”

“Yeah” Your voice was high pitched, desperate as you savored the feeling of his hard leg under you, rubbing yourself all over him. “Fuck. Jin—fuck”

“Oh” Jin snickered “Baby’s wet already?” He bent down, reaching to fondle your breasts. You gasped at his touch. He loved the sounds you would make. He pinched, pulled and smacked at you over your hoodie, all while you began to grind faster on his leg.

“Please Jin…want you really—bad” You gasped. He grabbed your jaw, turning your head painfully upwards. Grabbing his gun from his jacket, he traced the side of your face with the weapon. The cool sheen of the metal sending shivers down your spine.

“This is fully loaded baby” click. He pulled the trigger, your eyes widening “Suck it” You puckered your lips, allowing him to press the tip against them. He’d jut the barrel forward, making you whimper in fear, teasing as though he would pull the trigger.

Pulling the gun out, he licked your saliva from it, humming pleasantly before nudging it back in. Forcing your mouth open, Jin ruthlessly shoved the gun down your throat. Filling you, he held your face, not letting you move away as you began to choke all over it.

“Mmmffphh” You gagged as Jin began pumping the weapon in and out of your throat, throughly amused by how shit scared you looked.

He angled the gun up into the top of your mouth, making you wince in pain. “You look like such a dumb fucking whore right now”

Removing the gun, he released you, allowing you to fall back and catch your breath. You coughed, feeling Jin’s legs wrap around your shoulder, trapping your head into his thick thighs. His fingers combed through your hair, stroking you like a pet. Clenching into a handful, he pulled you up.

“Wanna fuck your mouth” He pressed his nose against yours “Your man’s gonna be here soon. I want you to suck my cock good, otherwise he’ll die” Roughly he dragged you under the desk, not caring as your head hit the edge of the table.

Dizzily you undid his pants, watching his long, slick cock pop out. You met his eyes, licking your lips. You flattened your tongue, allowing him to slide his hot length on. Wrapping your tongue around it like a snake. Rolling it around his girth as you hollowed your cheeks, moving back and forth. The pop when you would loosen your jaw momentarily before doing it all over again. His eyes fluttered, loving the feeling of you rapidly sucking on him.

Jin grinned, hearing the lock of the door jiggle as Yoongi stormed inside. He was absolutely enraged. Behind him Jungkook stood warily.

“Jungkook close the door. I can’t cause a scene here” Yoongi hissed. You could feel Jin’s cock twitch in your mouth as he began to push and pull you on his cock quickly.

“Min Yoongi. We finally get to truly meet each other. I’ve heard so much about you”

Yoongi gritted his teeth. “Where. Is. She.” Jin knew he won’t shoot him. Jin also knew that as long as Yoongi though he had you captive, he wouldn’t actually lay a hand on him.

“Ah well, if you want to see her, you’re gonna have to do as I—”

“Get up” Jungkook said dryly. He understood Jin’s fucked up mind too well. “Yoongi she’s here. He wouldn’t let her out of his sight if he had her” Yoongi’s eyes quivered. He grabbed the edge of the desk, using all his strength to push it aside revealing you, mouth full of cock, eagerly pumping and sucking away like a whore.

Yoongi reacted without thinking, grabbing you and pulling you away from Jin. You stumbled back while Jin got up, quickly tugging up his pants as Yoongi attempted to kick him in the balls. Jin was fast, moving to the side, but Yoongi anticipated him, running and pushing him against the wall. He swung a hard punch into his face.

Unfortunately for him, Jin was a fighter. Jin dodged him with ease, grabbing his wrist and twisting it—switching places him. The two men went at each other while you gathered yourself turning to Jungkook.

Jungkook, noticing that Yoongi was at a severe disadvantage without a gun decided to step in the fight. He yanked Jin off of Yoongi, tossing him aside.

Jin spat blood out onto the floor, grinning widely as he looked back up at Yoongi. “Come and get me kingpin” He stuck out his tongue, reaching for the door and rushing outside. Yoongi scrambled to follow him—Jungkook following behind until you quickly grabbed his sleeve, pulling him back.

“What the hell Y/n?” Jungkook snapped, stopping in his tracks.

A moment of silence passed. It was too late for Jungkook to chase after the two men now. He looked at you expectantly.

“Why were you with Yoongi?” Jungkook swallowed thickly, biting his lip. He could sense you were shaken up. “What were you doing? What did he have you do?”

Jungkook stammered, seeing your growing anger. “Y/n—“ You held your hand up, silencing him.

“Answer the question.”

“I—Yoongi wanted me to…” Jungkook paused, contemplating whether he should come clean or not. He hated being at odds with you. It felt unnatural.

“Kill Jimin?” You finished for him, scoffing at his guilty reaction.  You rolled your eyes “Wow. Wow. They were right about you—you’re just a—“

“Don’t say it”—“Greedy”—“Stop.”—“Little”

Jungkook hissed, pinning you against the wall. “Please don’t. You’re the only one who doesn’t call me that. I thought you respected me. I never did anything to you.” The desperation in his voice was evident.

The two of you panted heavily, faces barely inches away. Jungkook’s eyes exchanged rapidly between your eyes and your lips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shoot at you” His voice barely above a whisper.

“Really? That’s what you’re gonna say?” You laughed, turning away from him. “You could have killed me Jungkook. What then?”

“Don’t act all innocent Y/n” Jungkook’s face neared yours, eyes intense, burning into you “You would have screwed me over to run away with your little prince charming Yoongi” Jungkook noticed the way you froze at Yoongi’s reference. He searched your eyes. “What? What is it?”

You shook your head “Nothing. Did you do it? Did you kill Jimin?”

Jungkook sighed “No. I couldn’t find—“ You smashed your lips onto his. Hand on his jaw, drawing him into you—losing yourself in the bittersweet taste of his lips. For a moment everything seemed to disappear and you were caught in the eye of a storm, a dizzying hurricane of desire, fueled by the man in front of you.

He kissed you back earnestly, pushing his tongue into your mouth to open you up wider, allowing you to swallow his muffled groans.

Pulling away, Jungkook exhaled shakily, wiping his lips. “Shit Y/n. What happened?”

“Fuck me” You pushed onto your tippy toes, pecking at his jaw as his hands slid up your back. “Please fuck me”

Jungkook wasn’t about to say no. Not when you were asking so sweetly, blinking up at him. He noticed a scar on your cheek, tracing it with the pad of his thumb. “How did this happen?”

You sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck as he stroked your face. “Yoongi” Jungkook’s eyes darkened. “I don’t wanna talk about it. Please Jungkook I need you” You nuzzled his neck, pushing your chest up his as much as you could.

“Shit, come here” Jungkook pat your ass slightly, prompting you to jump up into his arms. Holding you by your thighs he carried you over to the desk, laying you down carefully.

Starting at your stomach, he pushed your hoodie up, leaving a trail of kisses as he climbed over you—your heart, your chest, your shoulders, your neck—pulling the garment off as he hovered over you. “Y/n—fuck” Jungkook gasped. He stroked your jaw “You’re so fucking hot it drives me crazy”

You smirked “I know” Jungkook growled, your confidence making his cock stir as he nibbled your ear, hand sliding down to slip under your shorts. His fingers found your clit, began flicking at it gently.

“Let me hear you” Jungkook urged you as he sucked into your neck, leaving a prominent hickey. His fingers pressing perfectly against you, rubbing tight circles in a way that had your thighs trembling. Arousal coiled deep within you, causing you to sputter up loud gasps of pleasure.

“Mm—mm—Jungkook—“ He loved how your body was so responsive to his light touches. He allowed his other hand to slide behind your head, bringing your lips back to his so he could melt into your kiss again.

You fell apart in moans as Jungkook’s touches became increasingly intentional, working away at your clit faster and faster. Heat shot up into you, breaths shortening as Jungkook swallowed your every moan, every curse. Your tongues intertwining. Getting lost in each others taste.  

His fingers massaged your head slightly, giving you an immense rush of affectionate relief. He touched you with a tenderness that you had lacked. Yoongi’s sweet words had done little to displace his rough treatment of your body. You could tell Jungkook was trying to give you comfort, but you could hardly take any in. Not when all you could think about was the fact the Park Jimin was likely dead. Your Jimin. Gone.

Unknowingly you began to cry. Jungkook noticed this, kissing you deeper. He pulled his hand away, fiddling with his own shorts until you could feel his cock nestled into you clothed folds. Licking away your tears, he pushed the cups of your bra up, allowing his fingers to grapple with the tender nubs. Squeezing them between his knuckles as he fondled them in his palms.

Jungkook’s heart clenched, seeing the hurt in your eyes. He wanted to take the pain away but he knew he couldn’t. He was temporary relief. Nevertheless, he was eager to please you. You had always been good to him. He cared about you. “You’re so beautiful. You’re so fucking beautiful baby” He showered your face with kisses, grinding into you slowly, watching you rile up beneath him.

The collective sounds of your moans complemented the creaking of the desk as Jungkook latched onto your breast, licking softly as he watched your fucked out expression. Pushing aside your shorts, he began to ease his thick cock inside you.

“Jungkook—oh God” You tilted your head back as he filled you. Hands ruffling through his hair, gripping onto the strands as he bottomed out, gasping. For a moment he held you close. Eyes shut, feeling so good with the way you were fitting tightly around him.

He slowly pulled out, allowing you to feel the burn as his length pumped in and out of you, hitting you just where you liked it. His face rested against your neck, whispering soft praise as he continued to fuck you.

“Jimin’s dead” You choked out. Jungkook shushed you, pulling your legs around his waist so he could angle into you deeper. He filled you again, the slickness of your walls allowing him to fuck into you seamlessly. His throbbing cock shooting pleasure through your every nerve. “J-Jimin…l-loved me” Your voice was coarse. Jungkook couldn’t help but feel a sudden rush of heat at the whine in your voice.

“Sssshhh I got you baby” You cunt squelched as he impaled you over and over again, taking his time as he lowered himself closer to you, hands sliding to your low back, face pressed into your neck where he continued to leave soft kisses. “Don’t think. You’re so strong”

“W-who killed him—“ Jungkook groaned, seeing how distracted you were. “Not Hobi. Hobi wouldn’t kill Jimin, it’s not good for the label.”

“Y/n” Jungkook slipped out of you, yanking you up. Grabbing your shoulders he tossed you onto your chest, smacking your ass hard as you cried. “Dammit you really are a needy bitch huh. Won’t fucking shut up until I give it to you hard is that it? And here I was trying to be sweet”

“Don’t—“ Smack “I don’t want sweet” You whined. “Jungkook please” He chuckled bitterly, passing one last smack to your tender ass before diving his face into your cunt. 

You squealed, he harshly poked his tongue at your clit before licking down your folds, shoving deep into your core. He lapped at you as you gripped the desk, letting out a loud whine as he continued to smack your thigh.

“Cum” Jungkook groaned into you, making you tremble at the command in his voice “Cum on my tongue” Smack You nodded, biting your lip as you focused on the feeling, letting the fire build within you—and before you knew it you were screaming out his name.

“J-Jungkook. Ohhhh fuck Jungkook-k—shit.” You surged onto him, cunt dripping as your entire body began to shake. Tremors of pleasure pulsing through your veins. You twitched and writhed, holding onto Jungkook’s head as your cunt throbbed, emptying your arousal into the flick of his tongue. He sucked you until you were screaming for him to stop, after which he pounced on you, licking his lips before slamming his cock inside you.

Your body swallowed him in, pussy grasping onto his cock for life as he pistoned into you. He began to whine, muffling himself into the nape of your neck, teeth grazing against your skin as he pounded into you hard.

“Shit shit baby shit” Two hard slaps to your ass had you crying out for him. He yanked your head back, looking into your eyes. “You like that? Like when I fuck you hard hm baby? Taking my big cock? Yeah?” Your eyes rolled back, trying desperately to look at him but too fucked out to even think.

“I love it. I love it fuck…more Jungkook—please” Jungkook chuckled, tongue tracing your lips.

“Needy fucking bitch. So fucking needy hm? How much you gonna take huh? I could fuck you over and over again, pump you full of cum and then what hm? You’re gonna just come back for more aren’t you?” Grabbing your hips, he let you fall forwards as he yanked you back and forth, busting his cock deeper and deeper into you.

“Want your cum Jungkook. W-want it really bad” You sputtered, drooling over the desk as Jungkook continued pulling you back onto him. He cursed, leaning over to cup your breasts. With a tight squeeze he came, groaning out as cum shot up into you, the heated pressure intoxicating. He rest his head against your back, kissing down your spine as he gently massaged the ass he so harshly abused.

“Fucking hell” Jungkook sighed, helping you up. He covered your face in soft kisses, licking away the sweat on your shoulders. You fell limp into his arms, letting him hold you as you buried yourself into his taught chest. Losing yourself in the scent of him. The high faded, even as he stroked your back, kissing the top of your head. The guilt, the pain, the sadness all came flooding back.

You laughed. Almost hysterically you buckled over into him. Jungkook held your shoulders as you cackled loudly.

Time and time again you fell a fool to awful men. Meanwhile the good one’s like the one in your arms now, you dared to doubt. “My God it’s fucking Taehyung. It’s always fucking Taehyung.”

“Taehyung’s alive?”

Nodding, you slid your hand up his chest, resting it on his heart, “Jungkook. If I told you I could bring Death Valley down. Destroy it all, Yoongi and Taehyung along with it…would you help me? Would you swear your loyalty to me?”

“Of course.” Jungkook didn’t even need to think twice—“Of course I would”

—

Back in his car, Namjoon felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Seeing it was Jungkook, he answered right away. “Hey.” Fuck man. Congrats on the album. Where you at, let’s pop some molly and celebrate? Namjoon chuckled “For sure, I’ll be heading home in a bit, gotta run some errands”

He had head over to the warehouse, in which lay a withering, beaten Park Jimin. Torturing the rockstar had been immensely fun for him the past few days. Blindfolded and tied with his arms in the air, Namjoon was able to use him as a punching bag. Hobi wouldn’t let him die. But it was still fun.

Today he was even more excited, knowing he broke Jimin’s records, was seen in public with his girlfriend. All these things had his ego inflating rapidly. Finally he was going to have it all. 

The way Namjoon saw it, he deserved everything that was happening to him. He worked hard. Hustled for his money. Based his music on true emotions, fueled often by you or his situation. He was incredibly exhausted of things not going his way.

The last thing on his list was you. You were clearly into him, considering that you had kissed him in the car. That every time it was you making the first move. He had been an idiot to not catch onto it sooner. 

You were in love with him. All this time it had been you who urged him to follow his dreams, to stay away from the drugs and the fighting. You were his rock. His lucky charm. He only wished he had realized sooner.

Little did Namjoon know that he was being followed. Jungkook was careful as he trailed Namjoon. Once Namjoon left, Jungkook creeped inside the warehouse, careful to look for any other gang members.

He was almost certain Hobi was still there, nevertheless he walked in to see Jimin, head hanging low— limbs exhausted from being suspended in the air. Eyes covered with a dark cloth. It was a sight to behold.

Normally Jungkook would have been thrilled seeing Jimin in such a sorry state, but knowing how heartbroken you had been at the thought of him being dead, he was moreso relieved to find the star on the verge of life. Quickly he ran to him, removing his blindfold and untying his restrains. Jimin slumped over Jungkook’s shoulder, allowing him to carry the unconscious body to his car. Grabbing a bottle of water, he pressed it to his lips.

“Don’t die you fucking asshole” Jungkook muttered. He genuinely didn’t understand why you were so into Jimin. But that wasn’t any of his business. He was making a change. He was not letting you down ever again. Jimin stirred, eyes fluttering open.

Gunshots rang. Jungkook turned to see Hobi shooting at him. “Fuck” He strapped Jimin into the passenger seat, stepping on the gas to whir away from the ricocheting bullets. Hobi hopped onto a motorcycle, chasing after them.

“W-what’s going on?” Jimin groaned, coughing as he clutched his stomach. Muscles throbbing with pain. Jungkook rolled his eyes, ignoring the question to instead peek into his rearview mirror. Hobi had almost caught up to them, shooting towards his taillights. Jungkook lowered the window of his car, eyes oscillating from the road to the mirror before he swiftly swung his hand back, shooting rapidly at the approaching vehicle.

Jimin rubbed his eyes, turning to see the action go down “Okay. Dumbass. Can you fucking drive? Give me the gun” Shrugging, Jungkook handed him the device. He had never actually seen Jimin in action. Part of him was intrigued. Jimin looked into the mirror. “God I look so fucked up—my hair holy sh—“

“Are you serious right now Park?” Jungkook growled, speeding the accelerator. Hobi was at their back wheel. Jimin chuckled, pulling the trigger of the gun.

“Watch and learn rat boy” Licking his lips, Jimin kicked open the car door. Steadily, he aimed the gun. With one bullet, Hobi’s tire punctured, causing him to spin off the road. “Amateurs” He muttered, blowing at the barrel of the gun.

Jungkook’s eyebrows were raised with impressed shock. “Where are you taking me? What the fuck is going on?” Jimin snapped, slamming the door shut.

“I’m taking you to Y/n. I’ll catch you up on everything. Shit is fucking insane”

Jimin sighed. “Is she okay? She didn’t get hurt did she?” Jungkook pursed his lips, glancing at him briefly. Jimin understood from the look alone.

“FUCK. I should’ve been there for her” Jimin groaned. “Get me to her as fast as you can. Please”

—

You sat quietly in the studio, three lines of cocaine down, blunt pressed to your lips. Jungkook had assured you he would do some digging into Hobi to find out what happened to Jimin. Looking up, you smiled weakly as Namjoon entered.

“Hey” He sighed, tilting your face up for a kiss. You moved away. “What?”

“Sorry I just…had I rough day okay” You sighed, taking a hit and allowing the soft smoke to fade out of your lips. “Not in the mood” Namjoon nodded, taking your hand into his.

“You wanna talk about it?” Shaking your head, you leaned against his chest, listening to the steady, sane beat of his heart.

“I’m really happy for you Joon” You mumbled. “I really am it’s just—“ Your voice broke. “Jimin’s missing—I think he’s dead and I—“

Namjoon scowled. How could you be thinking about Jimin on a day like this? Today was his day. You were so happy for him this morning, what the hell had changed?

The door opened. You almost fell of your chair. You were clearly high. There was no fucking way.

“Baby” Jimin exhaled. Jimin had insisted Jungkook take him home to shower first. He did not want to arrive to you looking like a pathetic, malnourished mess. He cleaned up, hair still slightly wet, dressed in a t-shirt and sweats. Comforting, real, Park Jimin. Your eyes filled with tears. Namjoon grabbed your wrist to keep you from falling.

He spread his arms open. You yanked yourself out of Namjoon’s hold, jumping into his arms. You breathed in his scent, wanting to drown in him. Crying you held onto him for dear life as he swung you around, lips glued to yours. Eyes shut, hearts aching with longing.

You cupped his face, staring into his eyes incredulously. Jimin pressed his forehead against yours, smiling fondly as his hands rested lightly at your waist.

“God I missed you so much” He mumbled, pulling you back into another hug. You cried into his chest. Jimin sent Namjoon a kind smile, which was very much not reciprocated. He was too caught up in reuniting with you to notice the way Namjoon’s fists were balled up, ready to punch a wall.

Breaking the embrace, you held his hands “Yoongi—Jin—I—”

“I know baby. Jungkook told me everything. I won’t let either of them touch you okay, you’re safe now” He kissed your cheek “Come on, let’s go home.” Sliding his arm around your shoulder, he led you out of the studio. 

The two of you walked off leaving behind a man wretched. A man who then broke into a fit of screams.

ᐊ——[ previous ] series navi | masterlist | scream in my ask box

a/n: ok yeah that wasnt that good of a cliffhanger sorry. i know yall are prolly like jimin smut??? sis??? next time ok. so much jimin smut ok.

so. thoughts??? namjoon sir are you GOOD???? jungkook yay??? yoongi and jin wtf??? taehyung and hobi!!!???? (if you’re confused about the tae-hobi-joon thing, basically tae and hobi are working together. namjoon thinks hes working with hobi but doesnt know tae is involved. yet) 

let me know your thoughts & theories!!! thanks for reading. you are a sexy human. have a great day!

taglist: @imluckybitches @gee-nee @missseoulite @hcneybees @kooookie​ @queenmasterxx @crustycaitlin @virgo-and-libra @un2-verse @winter-melontea @equivocacies​ @infernal-alpaca @shrimpmsg @meowmeowyoongles @rjsmochii @liltangerined @littlrmills14blog @issysor @arandomblackgirl @adoringinsanity @giadalin @jeontier @kaithezaftig @jinssexytoe @nonnis97@minyoongiboongi @happygirl62304 @just-me-and-myselfs @purplepebbles @channiespup @lilacdreams-00 @kianam @thmrdrs @kpoppin-mel @namjooningelsewhere @lolzerss @planetsope @ohmykim @xyahrinx @bangtan-army @you-are-my-wind

[redledsandharrystyles]

Best friends - Luke Patterson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/n and Luke have always been best friends, but one night he isnt answering your texts and you get a little worried. What you see when you open up the door to his room, might just change your friendship.

Warnings: Swearing, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, kids!) Lots and LOTS of spelling errors. I dont think there are any more...

Word count: 2767 words

Authors note: Its literally been so long since I've written ANYTHING, especially smut, and English isn't my first language so go easy on me please.

____________________

You were making your way up the stairs to your best friends room. It was currently 10PM, and he wasn't responding to your texts, making your worries increase, since he usually didn't take more than 10 minutes to respond, and he didn't go to sleep until at least 2AM. The TV downstairs was on, since his parents were watching the news in silence, and you knocked on his door.

No response.

You knocked again, but the only thing you could hear were muffled moans, which just made you even more worried. What if he was hurt? And he couldn't call for help, or reach his phone. Or what if he's unconscious. Then, you heard your name. Once. Twice. You let out a sigh, and opened the door. The room was dark, with only the moon lighting up the room. You carefully walked towards his bed that was pushed up against the cream walls, and saw him laying there, peacefully. Letting out a sigh of relief, you sat down, placing your head into the palm of your hands. Of course, the small amount of sleep he got every night would catch up to him eventually. But then you heard it again. Your name. Leaving his lips in a sinful manner. He kept moving around on his bed, his forehead sweaty. Was he having a nightmare?

You softly shook his shoulder, but he wouldn't budge. So you shook it again, but a little harder, making him shake his head. "Luke," You murmured, shaking him again. "Luke, wake up." He finally opened his eyes, rubbing his face with his large hands. "Y/n? What are you doing here?" He said as he reached for the lamp that sat on his nightstand, turning it on. You shook your head, "I got worried, since you weren't answering my texts. Stupid, I know. I wouldn't have woken you up, but you kept saying my name, so I thought you were having a nightmare or something..." You trailed off, seeing his face flush. "Y-yeah, n-no, I'm fine. I wasn't having a nightmare." He scratched his neck, which had now also turned a deep shade of pink. "What? Then wh-" Your eyes trailed down his body, spotting the lump in his sheets by his crotch area. "Oh. Oh!" You turned your head away, quickly standing up, and flattening down your skirt. "U-uhm." You weren't able to look him in the eye, your gaze moving from the electric guitar that was leaning against his wall, towards his desk, and lastly, the dirty laundry that sat on a chair by his window. You could hear movement behind you, but you still stood awkwardly in the middle of his room, your cheeks flushed, and your hands fidgeting with the hem of your skirt.

"I-I'm sorry, Y/n, It's not like it was on purpose. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I swear, i have no control over this. You're my best friend, and I really dont want this to change the way things are between us. B-but you're just so beautiful it's hard not to fantasize about- no, I mean you're really pretty so of course it happens sometimes. N-Not that this has happened more than once! I- I just-" You cut off his rambling with your hand over his mouth, making him exhale, and shut his eyes. "I know how dreams work, Luke. I know you have no control over them. I'd be lying if I said I've never had those type of dreams about you, y'know." His eyes opened in an instant as you realized what you had just said. He placed his hand over yours, moving it away from his mouth. "R-really?" Your eyes widened as you moved away from him. "I-I think I should go. My parents are probably waiting for me to get back and I dont want to worry them-" You quickly turned towards the door which lead to his room, hearing him sigh as he plopped onto his bed. Your hand hovered above the doorknob, but you sighed quietly, plucking up every ounce of courage, you turned back around, leaning against the wooden door. "Unless you need some help." You screwed your eyes shut, waiting for his response, your hands intertwined behind your back.

"W-What?" He propped up his elbows, leaning against them. You shook away your nerves, and slowly, seductively, walked over to his bed. "I asked if you needed help," you placed yourself on his lap so you were straddling his thighs. "With that." You pointed towards his member which still hasn't softened. He visibly gulped, and slowly nodded. You raised a brow, "Use your words." You purred, leaning closer towards him. "I-I might need some help." He stuttered, leaning back until his head landed on the soft mattress. You bent over in order to reach his neck. Nibbling at the soft skin, he let out a soft moan. You moved your lips down to his collarbone, sucking there, then blowing on the purple mark you left. You sat back up and slowly grinded on him, a groan escaping his lips which sent shocks to your core. His hands moved from his sides to your hips, making you grind a little faster, until another moan left his lips. You, once again, leaned into him, but now aiming for his lips. You brushed your lips against his, your tongue sweeping over his bottom lip, asking him for access, your tongues softly moving against each others. Pulling away for air, he sat up, with you still straddling him. "Tell me about your dream." You cooed into his ear, his grip on your hips tightening. "What?" You looked him in the eye, your hands trailing up his chest, tugging at his shirt, signaling for him to take it off. Then wrapping your hands around the back of his neck. "What was I doing in your dreams, that made you moan my name?," You asked, one hand trailing up into his hair, softly tugging at it, while you tugged at his bottom lip with your teeth. "Were you fucking my mouth?" You nipped at the spot right below his ear, grinding onto his member, a sinful moan leaving his plump lips that went straight to your core, and you then realized how truly wet he had gotten you. "Were you fucking me into the mattress?" You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked into yours, making your breathing hitch. "Maybe you were bending me over your desk... fucking me from behind, or maybe spanking me." His hold on your hips was so hard he was probably leaving bruises.

"Oh, fuck me." He rasped, "You have to tell me, Luke, what were we doing?" You purred into his ear, your fingers trailing down his muscular abdomen. You looked him in the eye as your hand softly grabbed at his member, his lips parting as you rubbed him through his pants. "Please, Y/n." He whined, his head now resting in the crook of your neck, his breathing heavy, and his chest moving at a fast pace. "Tell me what you want baby." You muttered into his ear,

His hot breath on your skin caused a chill to run down your spine. "I- Y-you were, uhm, sucking me off. Th-then you started riding me." You smirked, and pulled his head from the crook of your neck, and kissed him, starting off slow. You pulled away so you could take off your shirt, now showing off your lacy bra. You then cupped his face, your lips now moving at a faster pace against his. His hands moving up your body towards your breasts, squeezing them through your bra, then moving down to your waist. Pulling away from your mouth, he moved his lips now towards your collarbone, creating a trail of hickeys from your neck to the swell of your breasts. You arched into him, a moan leaving your lips, and you could feel his member harden under your core. "Luke." You moaned, your fingers tugging at his brown locks of hair, he groaned into your neck, as he sucked at the sensitive skin. As amazing as his lips on you felt, you knew you had to at least give him something from his dream, so you pulled away, standing up from his lap. He whined as you moved towards the end of the bed. "Oh come on, Y/n, you can't just tease me like this, this hurts." He said as he pointed at his crotch, making you giggle.

"Did you forget what I was going to do to you?" You said, leaning over the bed, giving him a perfect view of your tits. He looked confused for a second, before his eyes widened. "Y-you were being serious? I-"

"Of course I was, now come here." He moved towards the end of the bed, and you sunk down onto your knees in front of him, looking up into his eyes as you pulled down his grey sweatpants, making him lift his hips. It took you by surprise when you saw he wasn't wearing a pair of underwear underneath the sweatpants, but you grinned nonetheless, licking your lips. You started off by spitting into your hand, then you wrapped your hands around his member, forming a fist. You heard his breathing hitch as soon as you made contact with his skin, but then you started moving. Your fist going up and down at a slow pace. Luke had put his hands onto his sides for support, his head thrown back in pleasure. He moaned out your name, as he fisted his bed sheets. You then licked our lips again, and wrapped your lips around the tip of his cock, an even louder moan escaping his lips. You slowly sunk lower into his member, his breathing now consisting of short pants. You had now taken all of him into your mouth, the tip of our nose brushing against his lower abdomen, and the tip of his cock brushing against the back of your throat. You gagged around him, trying to swallow him, "Oh, fuck." He muttered, his head turned down as he watched you bob your head up and down. "Fuck princess, look at me." Your stomach churned at the pet name, your wetness pooling in your underwear. You looked up into his eyes as you continued bobbing your head, swallowing every once in a while, one of your hands grabbing his thigh, while the other played with his balls. You hallowed your cheeks, and he bucked his hips, making you gag, "I-I'm sorry, sorry, I'm sorry," he repeated, a moan following soon after. His right hand went to the back of your head, tangling itself in your hair, as his left hand supported his upper body. He wasn't pushing your head down, just guiding it. You swirled your tongue across the tip of his dick, and fondled his balls again. "Fuck, I'm going to cum. Fuck, fuck, fuck," He screwed his eyes shut as he threw his head back. You pulled your mouth off of him, making him whine, but your hand kept going, just at a slow pace. "Where do you want to cum?" He opened his eyes, raising a brow. "What do you mean?" He asked, biting back a moan, trying to hold back. "Do you want to cum in my mouth? On my face? Perhaps my tits?" You asked, looking up at him with innocent eyes, your fist still moving up and down on his member. "Fuck, you're so dirty." He chuckled, so you softly squeezed his shaft, making his laugh cut off with a moan. "Your mouth, I want your mouth." He pleaded, and you smirked, wrapping your lips around him again, and bobbing your head up and down. Feeling him twitch in your mouth, "Shit, baby I'm going to-" You quickened your pace, both of your hands trailing up his thighs and up to his abs, scratching softly, then trailing back down, and softly squeezing the base if his member. With one final moan, he came. Swallowing his cum, and pulling your mouth off, saliva running down your chin. His hooded eyes looked down at your reddened lips, loving how swollen they currently were after what you just did. "Holy shit." He groaned, falling back onto the mattress, and you let out a soft giggle. "That was perfect. You- You're perfect." he said, tucking your messy hair behind your ear, and pulling your bottom lip down with his thumb. Cupping your face, he pulled you towards him, his lips meeting yours, then pulling on your bottom lip with his teeth, making you moan softly. "Were not done. Theres still one thing that happened, that we still havent done." You teased, your lips brushing against his, pulling back and looking into his eyes. "Really, and what's tha-" he cut himself off with a moan as you ran your fingers across his member.

You pulled down your skirt, and underwear, then unclasped your bra, making Luke's eyes widen, his gaze fixated on your chest. You straddled him, moving closer to his ear, "I'm going to ride you, remember?" You purred, your hand wrapping around his member, making it harden again. You then, slammed your hips down, sinking down onto his cock, making you both groan. Your fingers were digging into his shoulders, and his were digging into your hips. Your head fell forward into his left shoulder, and you lifted your hips again, making him shudder beneath you. When you slammed back down, he let out a louder moan than before, making you silence him with your mouth, "You have to be quiet baby, your parents are home." He nodded, leaning his forehead into yours. You started bouncing on his member, setting a steady pace, moans and grunts leaving your mouths. His hands moved from your hips to the curve of your ass, gripping it harshly, then slapping it, making your lips part and a loud moan escape. His lips were right beside your ear, so when you slammed your hips back down, the sinful sound he made went straight to your core making you arch your back. "Fuck, Luke." You moaned into his ear, your thighs burning. He grunted, "Hell, I cant do this." Then he flipped you over, making you land on your back int top of the mattress, ending up in a missionary position. He inserted him self into you once again, loud noises leaving the both of you as you arched your back. He shifted his position, grabbing your leg and placing it on his shoulder, allowing him to bury his cock deeper in you. Your breathing was getting heavier, and you snaked one hand towards your clit, desperate for a release. You started rubbing your fingers against your clit in circular motions, but when Luke noticed, he grabbed both your hands and pinned them above your head, leaving you a whining mess. He replaced your fingers with his thumb, repeating the circular motion, you arched your back again, your chest pressing against his. You felt a knot form in your lower abdomen, "Luke, I'm gonna cum," You cried out, making him quicken his pace. His hips slamming into yours, the sound of skin on skin, and the headboard banging against the wall making you feel even more aroused. The knot tightening in your stomach as he pressed his lips onto yours. You repeated his name over and over again, begging for permission to cum. "Hold it, princess." You cried out as he put pressure on your clit with his thumb, "Fuck, you feel so good around me, baby. I'm going to cum," he panted, pressing his forehead to your chest as he slammed his hips into yours,  the tip of his cock repeatedly hitting your g-spot. "Please, Luke, I can't-"

"Let go for me." He grunted into your ear, and snapped his hips one last time, before you both came. You attached your lips to his in order to silence you both as you rode out your highs. Luke sucked into your collarbone, before pulling out, and plopping down next to you. You were both breathing heavily, your chest heaving up and down, your bodies covered in a thin layer of sweat. "Fuck, did we use a condom?" He asked, sheer panic laced in his voice, you chuckled, wrapping your hand around his waist, placing your head on his sweaty chest. "I'm on the pill." He breathed out a sigh of relief.

[flamedoesart]

Woooooo ok going back to my old ways for this one

have you noticed an issue with consent in tommy centric sbi storys? cuz like i feel like a lot of the time shit just fucking happens to him

like in a lot of sbi storys(not just dark sbi ones) i feel like tommy gets little to no agency. like for instance if tommy runs away they drag him back kicking and screaming(no exaggeration). and the next day hes like “lol guys im so sorry i was so rude and i love you so much”. i think it has a lot to do with mental health issues as well. because often in these storys they treat him like he js so mentally ill and sad and suicidal and shit that he cant make decisions for himself.

i guess it also ties into him being ooc a lot in these fics too. like especially in fics where he is a hybrid. like they make it so hes just so soft and uwu baby and he cant make any desisions for himself because he needs his family to do it for him and he never swears or is angry at them💞💞💞💞❣️❣️💕💕💗💗💓💓💖💖 because also they often use the hybrod thing so that when he expresses any anger or discomfort/displeasure with what is happening the just scratch behind his ear so his brain stops working and then its a-okay.

this stuff especially bothers me because i am a trans person who came out when they where 10 so when child characters dont get agency it really grind my gears, as literally no one would say.

and listen i know all of it is just an excuse to have some fluffy sbi moments, and an opportunity for the writer to get the comforts they cant in real life by 3 famous “hot” men . but i dont think that makes it ok.

1. the way they do it infantilizes neuro-divergent

This one is pretty easy to explain, when you say your character with abandonment issues, ptsd, anxiety, adhd and whatever orher shit you give them is soooo cute and helpless and needs other people to make good decisions for him weather he likes it or not🥺🥺🥺 its bad. its bas because it reinforces the idea that all mentally ill people are children or child like.

2. its lazy

listen bbg i get that you wanna feel loved but you could put in even a 🤏 that would be great. it is easy to just not gove your characters agency so you can get to the part you have been replaying in your head over and over a little faster, but its unsatisfying. if you just do a little bit of work, like maybe instead of wilbur telling tommy he cant leave, maybe wilbur says he doesnt want him to leave, so tommy doesnt leave. this shows that wilbur is viewing tommy as a full human person, it shows that tommy loves wilbur, but it also shows that tommy isnt healed enough to admit that.

boom baby i came up with that in like 5 seconds

god im sorry if this is just word vomit i just feel strongly about this fan-fiction trend

tldr: please for the love of god just give tommyinnit a little agency

Sorry I haven’t answered this yet, I did see it in my inbox but then forgot about it. 😭

But honestly yeah I agree with this, although for c!Tommy this is nothing new, literally every character on the dsmp has been mischaracterized and boiled down to one character trait in fanfiction. Morally complex characters like c!Wilbur, c!Sam and c!Quackity being the worst offenders.

But since this is about SBI we will stick to that.

The thing is that a lot of authors do project themselves onto their fave and since in this case it’s c!Tommy, there’s gonna be a lot of woobifying involved. I agree that removing any agency c!Tommy has is not a good way to write him, however I’m a little more sympathetic to him being woobified in fanfics only because in canon he doesn’t get that many moments to be properly loved and taken care of.

Not saying it’s really a great idea, but I understand why.

I personally get annoyed too when authors remove c!Tommys scathing tongue in fanfics. Bc hey guess what, he can be fucking mean and rude at times too. He calls people a bitch and other words but the key aspect of c!Tommy is that his way of showing love is, a lot of the time, proven through actions.

In SBI fics where he is made way more childish than he honestly needs to be (like come on guys, the cc is 18, you can make him a little childish but don’t overdo it for the sake of fluff) it kinda takes away the realism and like you said, his agency. c!Tommy doesn’t just take things lying down, he is rough edges and biting words, that’s who he is.

I think fic authors can do better than just making him a babied version of himself because not only is it kinda :/ to make him constantly dependent upon other people but it’s also just ooc.

I don’t really have much more to say on the matter though, I’ve seen so much ooc writing come out of this fandom alone that it’s impressive (in a /neg way)

[areakeeper]

okay. cookie fart time. i hate myself

adventürer

bassy and on the louder side, tend to last a few good solid seconds before it finally peters off. relieving every single time, post blast sounds can range from satisfied sighs to outloud commentary on how good that felt

sometimes theres barely any smell at all, sometimes its a heavy stench even he himself will wave off. if its a bad one he might even say so it himself, stuff like 'jeez, that was a bad one' or 'what on earthbrëad did i eat?'

makes An effort to not fart around others, but not much. hes too used to bein able to whenever while on solo adventures, its one of those unspoken lil social things he forgets whenever he comes back to th general public. usually excuses himself if he does end up farting, but mostly jus w strangers, if ur close he doesnt really bother to hold or excuse it

th cogs in this mans head r already kinda rusted, takes a bit for him to process tht ur Into him farting. but, he eventually will and he'll b fine w it. bc hes already so blasé w paying any mind to farting around others theres not much of a difference, though he might waft it towards you or ask 'hows that doin it for ya?' if hes feeling Particularly bastard

not all that hesitant to fart on you honestly, wherever he ends up he'll jus concern himself with makin sure hes comfy and, if on your face, givin you som fresh air every now n again. he'll let em go as they come, might groan or comment on how good they feel if he wants to really see you react

not into it as a sex thing himself, but has no qualms w farting durin more intimate moments if u like it. if hes sitting on you already n happens to fart, he'll grind into you. man really jus wants to kill u w it honestly

happy to let you rub his belly if it gets upset or bloated, likes the feeling of warm hands on his dad bod stomach. depending this may even get him to get into it without needing to touch him more intimately bc his stomachs also p sensitive to all that tender rubbing. yes he will moan into ur mouth if ur kissing when you get a fart out of him yes he will laugh when you pull away. absolute worst

cinnamön

literal cinnämon puff clouds come out, like how his magic looks yknow. he cannot hide a fart to save his life it sparkles a lil n everything, best he can do is pretend its a magic trick. rarely works

smells like youd think, just as strong too. he doesnt mind the smell, his magic is basically the same, though his magic also isnt as strong, so he usually tries waving it away, otherwise he usually coughs on it

usually not much sound, generally airy, though it can go up to a loud buzz of sorts if theyr sitting on a hard surface

tries to avoid farting around others, if around friends they might make a joke abt it being a magic trick. its an old joke tht no one laughs at but they keep doing it anyways

surprised if you like it, but if he knows tht he'll purposefully rip it around you, chuckle a bit at ur reactions bc he can be a little bastard. as a treat

will actually get flustered if you ask them to fart on ur face or in ur lap. they'll do it, it just sorta makes the fact tht ur Into This realer to them - as much as they try putting on shows they always tend to get flustered in sexual situations. even if nothings Out, th nature n intent behind the act is enough for them really feel it

^ also a massive sucker for praise, will melt if you compliment anything abt him or what hes doing. while not into whats happening fr th same reasons you are, he'll quickly get turned on too bc hes turning You on. eprocto domino

dark chöco

deep, rumbling type farts, heats up th seat of their pants. grunts if they gotta really push to get anything out, its cute. feels good when they vibrate in your lap

strong, almost bitter smell. not awful, but certainly not the kind to go undetected. easy to trace back to him. not offended by his own gas, but also isnt a fan

can pass in his own privacy without issue, but reluctant with company, usually holds it and is mostly successful doing so, though if he fails he gets embarrassed and apologizes

very hesitant with farting even if they know ur into it, its gonna take some time for them to stop automatically apologizing everytime they pass in your presence. will silently become more willing the more you compliment them or generally confirm your attraction to them passing gas

if you Really ask him and Really confirm youre gonna like it, he'll sit on your face. very comfy, hes muscled but theres a good layer of softer fat padding his ass. no matter what hes gonna b super flustered abt it, still excusing himself, but its endearing. could dutch oven u w his cape if youd like

not into it sexually, but isnt opposed to it if you wanna touch them. if you knead their ass a lil even theyll start gasping a bit, anything in tht area feels good. grinding into them will get them stifling back whines n moans, pretty shy about getting turned on during th whole deal

very accepting of stomach rubs if theyr bloated or aching, will thank you multiple times over for it. th sighs they make when you dislodge particularly stubborn gas WILL kill you so very dead

originally i had more planned to write but its already been an hour i need to be put somewhere

[morgannwilsonnn]

Chapters

I would be lying if i said i wasn't scared to start college in 12 day's. Even typing it makes me anxious, i don't think i have ever seen my own true potential in anything i have ever done. my doubt's and my fear's of what if have always held me back in some way and what is embarrassing is the fact that i have allowed it to become so normal that it has taken so much from me, it has degraded me made me feel like i wasn't worthy or smart enough or even capable.

See i didn't even finish highschool i got my GED after having my daughter at 16, i was the athlete everyone thought would make it but it was a shocker to them after that no one believed in me and i had a fire under my ass to prove them wrong even with a GED but then i dropped out of college and life happened i needed a job and a roof and from there i just got comfortable in what i did but even then it didn't feel like i was where i was meant to be. sitting behind a desk forever living life just enough to get by but never enough to do the things i wanted with my daughter. I looked for new job's with no luck and it made me feel even worse not good enough i felt stuck but i kept trying and even praying that this life wasn't what was meant for the rest of my life i somehow had to get out of the cycle and beat the statics of a single mom working 9-5 living on state for the rest of her life... then i got fired and lost my car almost lost my home i started busing tables even tho it wasn't nearly enough to pay all my bills i took turn running late on one or the other just to make it. Then i found i new job making 19 a hour but my first two days over whelmed me i didn't understand shit and how could i set myself up for failure i didn't believe in myself so i quit and went back to busing tables got pregnant had health issues and became a stay at home mom for going on two years now.

my life summed up over the last four years of my life.

being a stay at home mom has taught me alot about myself tho mainly that it is not easy and you fall into dark cracks sometimes so dark you're scared that you'll never resurface the cries become tuned out you forget that outside is even a place you cant help but cry as you wash dishes with no thoughts other then just feeling sad. you wonder if your kids would be better off without you because you feel guilty for being so comfortable with the feeling of frustration. but then you resurface and come back and say you wont go back but its like someone with a drug or alcoholic addiction you are bound to relapse back and it only gets worse but you hide it better each time you cry in the shower or when the kids are napping you sit up restless because your mind races. you start to feel like you have nothing to offer you completely forget your worth and what you can do your potential.

BUT everytime i tried to find a solution maybe i needed to set a goal to go out once a month or sit alone for a hour every day go to the gym go on a walk go shopping go to counseling and some how i still kept falling in between the cracks deeper and deeper.. i lost hope i wallowed that this was my life that i would never have my own life again but i had to love it because i loved my kids..

till one day i woke up and realized this person i have became over the last two years isnt who i have ever been. i am a strong working strong willed self determened women and the only thing that stopped me was me.

i remember sitting there thinking how bad i wish i could buy my own car again after watching tyler buy his the joy in his face made me happy but the sadness i felt because i didn't take a part made me want that happiness 100% to share TOGETHER. i started looking at my credit from when i lost my job it went to shit i use to have a 880 credit. and i thought what the fuck morgan... i told myself i would pay off one of the things as a starter to fixing my credit but once i made the first payment i cant explain how good it felt to know i wouldn't look back wishing i would have paid it then and it put a fire under my ass that i paid off three more things. that alone made me realize how it felt to have my own control over my financial freedom. i started thinking big after that and looking back into school for PTA 2 year schooling i could have finished that by now and been a PTA by the age of 20 instead of dwelling in my could have i realized instead how fast two years goes by so i started investing my free time on how to start college im not gonna lie i almost quit at the starting line but i didn't i started blowing up the schools phone asking questions more then once writing all over my notebook reorganizing it all on a new sheet and finally i would be starting school oct 18th..

but why would i wanna stop there when i could only dream of all these things in life a tahoe for my kids to have a nice car with back ac a nice house so they dont have to share a room anymore paying for sports clothes trips just because wanting to finish paying off the rest of my credit so i can do these things! i asked myself how bad did i really want it and i always knew i wanted it bad but just because you want something bad doesnt mean you get it so i asked myself how bad are you willing to invest in yourself... and that one caught me so i sat back for a few days exploring jobs and nothing fit my schedule so i gave up because not only that child care is 900 a week for one kid.. but then i got a text for a night time job working 6 hours from 6:30 to midnight .. i debated with myself about it because my man works till 5 some days i would never see him and only have sunday monday off but then i told myself invest and sacrifice now so i dont have to when my kids are older so i took it and granted i will be going to school part time 7am to 10am dropping my daughter off at school at 10;45 to pick her up at 2:30 and have time inbetween the time gaps to do her homework and mine as well as study before work at 6 i will be a tired beezy but i know it will be worth it three years from now. if i grind at night pay off my last two things on my credit start saving and graduate college all while showing my kids and man i can do it and i will do it not just for myself but for them because nothing in this life is impossible when you wake up and realize you build your own potential no one else and i for once in my life want to prove to myself how strong i am .

[qweeby]

Nine Lives To Short Part 4: Not Yours To Lose

♡♡♡♡♡💔💔💔

Paring: Shinsou x Reader

Genre: Angst

Taglist @foxypuppy @bakuhoetoedoroki

Plot: You only have 9 days to tell him how you feel but maybe 9 days just isn't enough

-The time as come for your date-

"You ready, Cat?" Shinsou asks opening the taxi door "Yeah I'm ready Shinsou" you say with smile.

" JUST GET IN CAR YOU IDIOTS!" Katsuki yells while he kicks Hitoshi in the back "Ok Ok calm down Bakugou!".

All of you get in taxi, you in the middle, Shinsou on the left and Bakugo on the right. "Again why is Bakugo coming on our date?"

Kaminari closes the taxi door " Because I'm broke, Izuku has training to do and plus...."

Bakugo takes it wallet and waves a credit card in your face " I have Icy Hot's credit card!".

Izuku looks surprised " Hey I-isnt that Endeavor's?...."

Without saying a word Bakugo just rolls up the window sticking his tongue out at the both of them. "KACCHAN DON'T WASTE EVERYTHING ON ENDEAVOR'S CREDIT CARD!"

" LIKE LOSING 50 CENT IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT TO THE NUMBER 1 HERO SHUT UP DEKU! AND YOU DARE TELL ICY HOT".

Bakugo kicks the drivers set "THIS IS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT PULLING OFF EARLIER! DRIVE DUMBASS!"

The taxi takes drives off, you slap Bakugou in the back of the head " What's wrong with you don't talk to the driver like that! HE'S LITERALLY THE ONE DRIVING US TO OUR DESTINATION"

"Tch, be glad I got this extra moving this damn thing".

Hitoshi sigh while you and Bakugo argue back and forth " Hey Y/N"

You and Bakugo are pulling on each other's face pinching one other but then stop to look at Shinsou "Yeah?"

"OI DON'T IGNORE ME!"

"That eyepatch that Denki gave you is it bothering you?"

"OH YEAH THE EYEPATCH" while the boys were visiting you Kaminari gave you an Eyepatch for your "messed up eye" as a get well soon gift that he asked Momo to make.

"It's fine Hitoshi you don't have to keep checking in on me"

"Well that's not true I should always be checking in on you I basically have to since you like to keep secrets"

The taxi stops at a red light....behind a line of traffic.

"Secrets? What about my secrets am I not aloud to have them Shinsou?"

Hitoshi crosses his arms "Well when you keep secrets about the pain you're feeling that's definitely not something to keep to yourself but here you are". You look at Shinsou but he doesn't look at you he actually turns away from you facing the window.

"Hitoshi...."

" OI WHY DID WE STOP MOVING?"

The taxi driver looks back at Bakugo and points to the now green, " WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU POINTING AT THE LIGHT IS GREEN KEEP IT MOVING!".

" Hitoshi what's up with you why are you acting like this?"

Hitoshi face palm's "I've been like this for the pass week! I've noticed you've been acting weird first it's asking for your quirk to be Erasure by Aizawa then you don't eat lunch! THEN you asked that stupid hypothetical".

" YOU'RE STILL ON THE QUESTION"

"YES YOU THINK I JUST FORGOT ABOUT IT THE NEXT DAY HELL THE ONLY WAY I KNEW YOU WERE HURTING WAS BECAUSE I HAD USED MY QUIRK ON YOUR DAD.

You look away from Shinsou crossing your arms as well shouting at him "YOU USED YOUR QUIRK ON MY DAD WHAT HECK SHINSOU WHAT'S !WRONG WITH YOU. Do you think this is easy for me? having to deal with that fact that I'm running out of time and I only have 9 days left to live! You think I can just blurt that out!".

Hitoshi finally looks at you but the look in his eyes....the look of despair is all you see.

"What...."

"Shinsou i-...I can explain...."

"YOU'RE DYING IN 9 DAYS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!"

"Hitoshi...this isn't the time or place to talk about this!" You lean back hitting you head on the window but then you realize, " Wait I'm sitting in the middle how did I hit the window, why didn't I hit Baku...BAKUGO!

You and Hitoshi stick your heads out of the window to see Bakugo jumping on top of each car and truck hoping car to car making his way back to the taxi from the front of the line of traffic yelling " OI YOU SHITTY DRIVER!"

" BAKUGO GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THIS TAXI".

Bakugo being Bakugo ignore you and stomps on the hood of the taxi " SHITTY FUCKING DIVER ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

"Y-yes?.."

" YOUR QUIRK TELL ME WHAT IT IS NOW! RIGHT NOW"

" W-when I tap my foot I-i can make people see different colors... it's not special why d -do you ask....".

Explosions pop in Katsuki's hand like someone lit thousands of firecrackers all at once " IT'S YOU YOU'RE THE REASON WHY EVERYONE IS STUCK HERE DAMMIT THAT LIGHT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FUCK BLUE! IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE GREEN LIKE DEKU!".

The taxi driver claps his hands turning off his quirk making the traffic light turn back to green.

" W-what do I do now-".

Bakugo steps on the windshield cracking it.

" When I get in that back seat you better STEP.ON.THE.FUCKING.PETALLLL!!! YOU GOT IT!" The taxi driver nods with tears in his eyes waiting for Katsuki to get back in taxi.

Bakugou walks to back of the taxi getting in as he grinds his teeth slamming the door, " AND QUIT YOUR JOB WHEN YOU DROP US OFF YOU SUCK AT DOING SUCH A BASICALLY HUMAN REQUIREMENT I FUCKING QUIRKLESS WANNABE CAN DO THIS 50 TIMES FUCKING FASTER AND BETTER!".

The driver rides off while you and Hitoshi are left dumb founded " Bakugo....what the actual fuck". Bakugo ignores the both of them "Shut up! Don't say a word to me it's not me who you should be talking to right now."

Hitoshi puts his hood over his head " That's what I meant back keeping secret...what the hell am I suppose to do with that information"

" I don't know! Do what you will with it!"

" THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY! DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH IT?!"

You go quite as you hear that spine chilling voice once again.

He says...." You are such a fool"

" AND THERE YOU GO NOT SAYING ANYTHING!"

"HITOSHI SHUT THE HELL UP WHY ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT EVERYONE IS GONNA DIE! You are never gonna know when you will die! We could die in a car crashes right now and say fuck my 9 days left! THAT'S HOW THE WORLD IS!".

Hitoshi grabs you by your shoulder and hood falls off but in the process of it falling you and Bakugo see his his tearful face.

" It's not suppose to happen to you Y/n NOT THIS EARLY W-WE STILL HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO-"

You punch the back the head of the driver's seat yelling " WAKE UP HITOSHI I'M NOT YOURS TO LOSE!"

.

.

.

"How could you say that.... your gonna lose him Y/N"

" I need to get out of this car right now..."

Hitoshi says as he unlocks his side of the taxi the door.

" Hey! Where are you going! Hitoshi!"

" Don't say what you think he's just blowing off steam...but you'll explode....it always come to that point"

The clouds above start to settle making there dark night sky into grey gloomy night.

" Where are you going back to her!?!"

He stops walking "Of course he does".

" Who told you..."

You start to laugh as rain lightly pours down, " Ha HA WOW! Looks whose keeping secrets now!"

" Tch it's technically not a secret if you knew for a while"

"Hitoshi don't get smart with me just get back in the car please".

"No I'm not getting in".

In the blink of a eye the rain turns from a light shower to heavy, the sound of every droplet hitting the ground can be heard.

Bakugo closes his eyes as he knows what's about to happen "Fucking dumbass's"

" Hitoshi get in the car!"

"IM NOT GETTING IN THE CAR"

"FINE GO BACK TO HATSUME!"

Hitoshi clenches his fist "MEI HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU DIEING SO DON'T BRING HER INTO THIS IT'S NOT HER FAULT"

" Y/N...you are such a fool" the cat says as he lays ontop of the car rooftop.

" IF ANYTHING IT'S YOUR FALUT! YOU'RE THE REASON IM GONNA DIE!"

Hitoshi just turns away and continues to walk away "YEAH GO AHEAD WALK AND DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT IF I DIE IT WILL BE ON YOU HITO-"

Bakugo covers your mouth and pulls you back into the car "You really don't know when to shut up, Oi driver...the petal STEP ON IT!"

They drive off as Shinsou walks away in the rain.

"Bakugo let me go!" " No dumbass just stop fighting! He's gone ok....he's gone".

You holds bakugou's arm " h-he's gone...." you snatch off the eye patch throwing it out of the window while the purple sits on your lap.

"You made him leave, why even act surprised it was only a matter of time"

"....Bakugou where are we even going?"

" Where the hell else we're going on a date"

You glare at Bakugou "reallllllllly??? But why?"

Bakugou turns his head away blush while he pets your head running his finger through your hair "If you do have only a limited time....I wanna treat nice so we don't end on bad terms and plus I don't need a fucking spirit haunting me".

You smile right after that you place your hand on Bakugou's face " Bakugo that's so sweet of you" " Tch shut up dimwit"

-A few minutes go by-

You and Bakugou lay in the taxi though Bakugou is awake while you sleep, he's been calling Hitoshi but it just goes straight to voicemail.

" Stupid Cat lover I can't believe he left me with her like that when I see that idiot I'll give I'm a piece of my mind"

"Umm sir this is your stop?"

"YEAH JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS SHIT"

Bakugo kicks open the door stepping out the car with you on his back. He walks towards the restaurant but then stops as the taxi driver honks the horn " I-I dont get a tip?...."

"A tip?....YOU WANT A TIP I'LL GIVE YOU A FUCKING TIP HOW ABOUT YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF AND YOUR SHITTY QUIRK AND YOUR SHITTY TAXI SERVICE! NEVER EVER GET BEHIND THE WHEEL AFTER TONIGHT!".

The taxi driver speeds off leaving dust in bakugou's face "I'm gonna find him later and kill him"

" Thanks for making my eardrums bleed"

"Thanks for waking up just in time for dinner".

You get off of Bakugou's back stretching and yawning "Hey before we go in I want you to know something", "Hm? Yeah?".

"No matter what happens to you if you die or not...always know that every second is a gift".

He turns to you holding out his hand "So come on chances like this happens once in a lifetime don't waste this second".

You take Bakugou's hand " I wouldn't dream of missing this gift.

.

.

.

For the rest of the night you and Bakugo have a fantastic time, you start to see a side of him that no one else's sees. Bakugou can be caring sweet and kind regardless of those facts he's still Bakugou so you know when the bill came he was outraged and made a scene.

-Meanwhile with Hitoshi as he was making his way home-

Hitoshi looks across the street and stares at you house and thinks about he used his quirk on your dad it reminds him of all the words people used to say about him and his quirk

"You a Hero HaHa! You're kidding right Hitoshi!"

"A hero who brainwash people come on get real that'll never work"

" Your qurik isn't really fit for a hero"

".....it's was you that made me believe I could be someone more"

Shisou think's back to the day you stop up for him when he was being picked on by the other kids.

"HEY! DONT MAKE FUN OF SHINSOU! I think his quirk is super cool! He'll be a really cool hero that saves the night! The Awesome Hero MindFreak!"

"Mind Freak....I like it..."

"See Shinsou likes it!"

" Of course Y/n thinks Shinsou's cool you think anyone with a power is cool"

"I bet you she wants to be a hero too! With no quirk? Now that funny!"

"Don't listen to them Shinsou I know that one day people will see how great you are like I do You'll be a great hero !"

Hitoshi frowns while muttering " A great hero....that's funny because how could a great hero make such a rookie mistake".

"I'm no great hero....I wouldn't even call myself a villain. If the reason for your pain is me....if I'm the reason for your death then I'm nothing but a monster".

He drys his eyes before walking inside "Nothing but a monster."

♡♡♡♡♡♡💔💔💔

Even though tonight ended with a somewhat happy ending for one of our heroes the clock is still ticking

"And we are finally on track with on plans of stopping".

[slumberinglabyrinth]

a while back i did a review of the prison chapter in por and it was totally overblown and whatever but i kinda wanna do that again for (what remains of) radiant dawn so i guess i will

I'll be doing them in batches since this got long. In this post: 3-5 through 3-9

3-5: it's been two years and i forget why we have to defend this castle

this was a pretty alright map. the reinforcements were annoying but that's because I generally don't actually turtle all that much on defend chapters and as a result I was Right There whenever and wherever they showed up. I tried to grab the energy drop off the boss but the dude ran away from Heather the moment I created an opening and I didn’t want to reset so :^/

I moved provoke off of shinon and onto Brom for this and its... probably way too strong? like it wasn't a 100% draw rate but there were several turns in a row where he was the only person being attacked which is. insane. and also super fun lmao. I think it's a shame that the hostility mechanics in fe aren't as well documented; on some level it ruins the magic, but in cases like this where you're actively influencing it i think it'd be useful to know to what degree you're actually influencing it

disarm + steal is also a really neat/fun idea that would be a great way to counteract how i apparently will never have any money for weapons while playing as the greilgallia party crew 😔 (not to be confused with the greilgallia polycule, which disbanded around twenty years earlier) but I can also never get disarm to proc and half the things that i was able to get unequipped were too heavy for Heather to actually steal 😔

all around a decent map to ease myself back into playing rd with. I certainly could have played better, but defend maps tend to be easier and I appreciated that here

3-6: dawn brigade returns and promptly sinks into a swamp

god this map sucked. it's really hard to pick where to start with it but while i get that lore dictates that they need to only be fighting laguz right here it was probably the wrong gameplay decision with everything else that was going on. I think maybe making tigers have ~4 less str across the board would have been a nice start since I kinda needed to either never get hit by them at all or to kill them first.

several chapters later I’m also realizing maybe i should have like. started to use bexp lol

fighting laguz is also really weird in terms of like... because they have boosted stats while transformed so you can either kill them while they're untransformed (which is fairly easy but since they don't attack, you have to kill them during player phase which means one per turn per unit), deal chip damage (or none at all) to burn down their gauge so you can actually kill them, or try to power through their boosted stats and hope you don’t die in the process.

Because I hadn't used bexp and almost all my units were super weak, I mostly had to rely on the eff against beasts knife that you can buy in the bargain shop this chapter and also volug, who had enough def (even with halfshift) to not die in one round. Honorable mentions go to noland (a fitting name for this map), jill (with canto!), and zihark, who were able to help pick off untransformed laguz, and to micaiah, who could deal magic damage and actually damage transformed laguz.

this was also the first dawn brigade map! i know lots of people people dont like their maps after act 1 and while i was trying to go into this one with an open mind... yeah, they totally got shafted by this map design. it's not really their fault but this map sucked hard. I know that they generally did one of each class variant (fire mage, wind mage, etc.) and not have duplicates but I think that the dawn brigade would have benefited from another mage of some kind if only so you could have someone who could deal with all these goddamned cats

also bk shows up but since he's not a bonus unit i didn't want to feed him kills so i didnt really use him. maybe that was a mistake. also why couldn't he like. warp someone that wasn't the furthest away from the action.

3-7: hey so we heard you liked the previous map

Zihark is there? fuck this i'm reverting to a previous save and unrecruiting him

3-6: i forgot to mention that this map was a swamp map and also had darkness

I know I've mentioned that the similar map in fe6 (desert+fog) was actually kinda alright but this one isnt that at all. Playing through it a second time helped because i knew where enemies were spawning, but it was still more annoying than fun.

Swamps commit the cardinal sin of forcing everyone that can't fly (in this case: everyone but jill) to suffer massive terrain penalties. Deserts at least let mages move a little bit further (which admittedly wouldn't help much here since it's only micaiah and laura), but here everyone friend and foe alike (except Jill) moves slowly and it makes gameplay just grind to a halt which is never, ever fun level design.

Also Fiona just. could not move beyond the starting island. she couldn't even wade a little bit into the swamp like i did with ed and leo to attack at range and get laguz to untransform. they let you deploy everyone but it genuinely felt like i wasn't handed the tools to succeed at this map. always a great goal to have when designing a game

I don't know how to improve this map. unrecruiting zihark (by flying him up to the northeast with jill and having him talk to mordy/lethe) wasn't particularly difficult (battle saves make it easy enough to scout out where they were, and it's not like i'd ever feel bad about 'cheating' on this map) but... would a greater field of view actually help? would making it not a swamp actually help? would giving you more allied units that'll throw themselves in the face of danger with no regard for their own lives actually help?

I don't know.

3-7: but for real this time

Back to ikequest!

this map is... literally the same map as the previous one, but with a different map objective. and larger. and backwards. and not at night.

it's still a swamp.

Luckily, it's a survive map, and the vast majority of the enemy force does not have the time to actually reach you if you hide up in the corner.

Which is exactly what i did.

Here's the list of the optional units (ike and ranulf are mandatory, which sucks because i don't like using twinks cat laguz and ike's plot promotion feels miles away) I deployed and why I deployed them

Haar: to fly out and recruit Jill

Gatrie: to be carried by Haar and specifically to bait the single thunder mage in Haar's way (and help Haar clean out that area so Jill can be safely recruited). I gave him corrosion two maps ago and it actually fully disarmed a guy on this map! 🎊

Brom: stand near where the swamp ends and draw the handful of enemies that actually make it all the way there away from ike and ranulf and ulki and jaffar (who are auto-recruits in this chapter).

This map is. so incredibly easy to both beat and complete the (meaningful) optional objectives on. I missed a conversation between Ike and Micaiah (which requires you to travel all the way across the map that i just finished saying takes forever to traverse and do it in 12 turns), but as long as you unrecruit Zihark on the previous map (he's.... right in the middle of the main force so good luck if you don't) you can probably do this map first try with no deaths even if you haven't trained haargatriebrom At All

I think that kinda underscores a problem that intsys had with rd which was... it feels like they didn't really have a lot of time to fine-tune stuff? like you're going from the hardest (or at least most unpleasant) map to the easiest one this side of the tutorial and it just. doesn't feel good? like there's going to be some inherent difficulty in balancing a difficulty curve when you're shifting from party to party but. this was bad. really bad.

Also a side observation but it does actually say who units can talk to in battle prep which is pretty useful thing to have! you need to shift the stat spreadsheet allllll the way over, but it's there!

i promptly forgot about it by the time 3-10 came around and was like "hey i should just. have ike run up to elincia, see if they'll talk, and then reset" though lol

3-8: Less-than-Lethal Lava Land

A fairly standard lava cave map. My only real comment here is that it was kinda nice how they made the spots where you'd take damage fairly obvious while still making them appear as natural parts of the terrain. I think it was the durandal map in 7 but its "if you're on these at the end of the turn you'll take damage" tiles looked super out of place while the armads map on the other hand wasn't super self-evident and i'm glad they improved

3-9: still cant use lucia >:(

Another party shift (this time to Elincia), and there was some good use of ledges in this chapter!

Most of your units couldn't use them but it created alternate paths for the ones that could (Calill and Devdan). Previous maps tended to use them more as holes in your defenses than needed to be plugged, but it created ways to progress (and ways for reinforcements to catch up) that are usually reserved for flying units, except now you're interacting with the map instead of ignoring it completely.

I think I've yet to meet someone who genuinely likes ledges as a map element, though I think this map really drives home that the sole (inherent) problem with them is the accuracy modifications (which, as this map also demonstrates when the stairs near the end become a chokepoint, are actually present with all elevation changes). While the +2 damage dealt while on the high ground is reasonable, +50 and especially -50 to hitrate are insane and completely unnecessary modifiers. They should be half that if you even choose to retain both.

Anyway.

the absolute lack of a (player-controlled) healer in Elincia's party was also........ interesting. Annoying, but interesting. Why must allied clerics choose death?1

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

[sanguinarius-archive]

(sal)ly face headcanons bc why not

sal actually loves bright/jarring colors, but claims he doesnt look good when wearing them (he does tho, just ask the artists ash and larry)

he loves loves loves space!!! he knows the names of random stars and planets. he doesnt talk about it much bc its hard for him to word it correctly but he just.. FOCUSES on it for HOURS

when people ask him “comics or novels” he literally cannot decide. he’ll read stephen king’s “it” but then a second later he’s reading a fuckin archie comic or garfield comic

he actually loves sci fi films more than horror!

horror movies tend to freak him out because hes more psychologically affected by them (bc of his trauma), so he’d rather avoid that and go with something like sci fi

this is canon but- he loves to paint his nails! one time he painted each nail with the bi flag. it actually took a lot of precision but it was worth it

sal loves small dogs. he also loves rottweilers and chihuahuas bc they look so silly and cute with those big bulging eyes and that waggy tail

he thinks bunnies are AWESOME and one time larry put one on his head and he felt like an angel was above him

“sal how does it feel?” “it feels like… like god has sent her top guardian down to protect my mind…” “from what?” “from negative energy”

it is utter chaos when hes forced to go to school with a cold

poor boy sneezes but he cant take off his prosthetic bc he’ll feel naked af

dont worry tho, ash and larry to the rescue! they take him to larry’s apartment and hide him there and take care of him for a bit before going back to school themselves. they also bring sal any work he misses

sal gets emotional very easily over happy things!

like literally if he thinks abt his friends for one (1) second he’ll start to tear up because he just appreciates them so much

he hates strawberries. they are always too weirdly cold for him and that hurts his teeth and he also just doesn’t like the way they taste

he also stims!!!! he tends to blink a lot and grind his teeth. other stims are more visible ones like flexing his fingers or drumming them on tables, and flapping his hands as well. also kicks his legs a lot

sal loves all animals, this is canon, but like

imagine if he frickin got like.. a snake

larry is SUPER terrified of snakes, he thinks theyre cool from a distance but he hates seeing them

so when sal is like “i got something to show u” larry isnt expecting it and he sees the snake that is very clearly in its container but he just BOLTS

and sal is like “noo… babey snek is nice…”

he… has a weird relationship with bugs like all of us. but he baby talks all of them from time to time

he literally will pick up a centipede and be like “what are you doing here mister?? just crawlin around? how delightful!! i wonder what it’s like to see the world in your eyes… with that many legs…”

sal will obviously wear whatever he wants

but traditionally “masculine” clothes? no thanks. he hates it. thats why he wears dresses to formal stuff. he feels trapped or suffocated if he wears a suit or anything like that

he just prefers really baggy/loose clothing

if given a meal with different portions he’ll eat it one by one

so like… if he has fries and chicken strips. if he starts on the fries, he finishes the fries. he doesn’t switch back and forth

he also loves sweets but only if they’re small

big candy bars? no thank you

also going back to the stim thing- ash stims as well so she and sal share stim toys!!! things like squishies or weighted stuff or spinner rings or chewie jewelery, they’ll share those with each other

okay but one day he’s in art class just goofing off with larry

and larry puts glitter in his own hair as like a joke

but sal is just FASCINATED

because… oh my god… sparkl…………. shinyy…

and so he practically pours the entire tub of glitter on his hair

and he gets in so much trouble for it but he’s like “no miss listen i am a goddess. this is who i am. i am a teen figuring my life out”

and for the rest of the day he doesn’t bother to get any of it out so he walks around the school with a terribly large amount of glitter in his hair

larry cries of laughter whenever he sees him

ash thinks he’s a QUEEN and insists that he comes over and lets her fiddle with his hair and actually make it v pretty and sparkly

so he accepts!!!!!

sal also loves little kids and is super good with them. sometimes kids get scared of his mask, but it’s easy for him to reassure them

when soda is born, sal declares he’s going to be her favorite uncle

and he’s right!

larry’s not jealous though cause yeah, sal is pretty great

and honestly? sal is super protective of soda. he shields her from seeing or hearing any bad things

i also headcanon sal’s voice is a bit like kurt cobain’s- so he kind of sings like him too? but doesn’t scream or anything. his singing voice very soft like kurt’s in the beginning of lithium

sal doesn’t really like to sing though. in front of people, at least

he loves music box versions of songs, they’re just so relaxing and they help him fall asleep a lot of the time

also when he sleeps it’s usually on his back, so gizmo lays on his stomach through the night. sal doesn’t move a lot during his sleep

he has sleepwalked though, to larry’s place

and larry woke up and saw sal (this is after he first saw him without his mask) and he saw him without his glass eye For The First Time

larry TRIES not to wake him up but pretty much fails and sal kind of has a panic attack

he’s like “that- i- i’m sorry- my eye-” and covers it but larry pulls his hand down back to his side and is like “it’s ok you look super cool without it”

prom is honestly one of the best nights of sal’s life

he’s got his hair up in a bun and wears a rainbow-striped t-shirt with a high-waisted black skirt and a long-sleeved black shirt underneath the t-shirt and tall dark leather boots

his nails are painted blue, red, purple, orange to represent him, larry, ash and todd (tho his nails on his thumbs are painted black)

because he secretly loves dancing when no one is around, he just kind of rocks it at prom and his friends are blown away bc… holy shit?? sal fisher can Dance????

but he’s more playful with it

he and larry scream the lyrics to the songs that play

they all end up ditching the prom and going outside to the back of the school and just kinda goof off

larry and ash share a cigarette and todd drives all of them out beyond city limits to an open field

they just kinda lay down in the grass there and stargaze for nearly the entire night

they talk about stupid stuff and serious stuff

honestly sal just goes back to his apartment very later and happy cries

cause again, he gets so emotional over happy stuff

and he loves his friends very much

and no there is no bad ending to this or bad ending that i won’t talk about

they all grow up together and are happy

EDIT: ANOTHER ONE I FORGOT TO ADD... sal LOVES deadpool. hes only into marvel for deadpool. he relates to him bc hey they both have deformed faces (except for dp its his whole body too i think) but ya!!!! he loves wade frickin wilson

[ninzied]

another kind of goodbye

for @carry-the-sky. happy birthday, my friend! have a little post-cancellation kastle fic.

It’s three months, give or take, when Frank lets himself think about her again. Really think about her. Not in the passing kind of way, where he’s walking down some street and sees a bouquet of gardenias, like the kind he’d almost gotten her instead of the roses that day. Or when he’s sipping on coffee, and Karen’s face flashes like a mirage at him across the cheap Formica table – blonde hair almost white under the shit diner lighting, but those eyes still so blue as she told him he would never lie to her.

So – okay, so he thinks about her. He thinks about her.

(He wonders if she—)

Frank eventually makes his way back to the city again, after. Another day, another job. Madani thinks he’s meant for something greater than this – than picking off these scum-of-the-earth kinds of assholes that litter the streets of a place like New York.

He can’t believe that he was meant for greater, but. Sometimes, he does wonder. If a part of him – whatever part of him that’s not still buried deep down in the ground with his family – was meant to come back here. To walk these streets and feel the pull of her, always, even when that’s all he can afford to feel.

He tells himself that has to be enough.

He’s been laying low, since his return. Coughed up some cash for a three-hundred-square-footer in Brooklyn, but he crosses the bridge to the city most days, maybe even finds his way to Hell’s Kitchen from time to time too. It’s risky, he knows. If Murdock catches wind of him, they’d be lucky to walk away from each other in one piece. And Karen…

There’d be a different kind of hell to pay, if Karen ever found out.

His phone gives a single buzz in his pocket as he’s hunkering his way down 47th, and he stops in his tracks, nearly colliding with an elderly woman in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Excuse me!” she says in a shrill voice, bag clutched tight to her chest.

“Apologies, ma’am,” he nods as she makes a show of putting as much distance between them as possible, and then he fishes his phone out, hesitating for one absurd moment before glancing down at the screen.

Back in town yet, Castle?

He barks out a laugh. Chrissakes, Madani.

His phone buzzes again.

I have a job for you, if you’re still interested.

“Still,” mutters Frank, with a scoffing shake of his head. He thinks he admires her perseverance, but Madani’s gotta know she’s only wasting her breath.

He cuts south down 10th, toward Lincoln Tunnel. It’s a brisk day, and the wind on his face feels sharper than usual, considering he hasn’t bled much there in a while. He jams his hands deeper into his pockets, ignoring the insistent drone of Madani’s follow-up call.

He’s got a date with a park bench on the wrong side of town, and if he closes his eyes, he can pretend it’s the same bridge overlooking the water, and when he opens them again Karen’ll be there, waiting for him.

…

His closest call comes with, of all people, the lawyer. Not Red – the other one. Franklin Nelson.

Frank’s emerging with coffee two storefronts down just as another door opens, and he’s cursing himself for not seeing the signs when out tumbles Nelson with his back turned, adjusting his tie against the wind.

“Foggy bear, wait!” someone else is laughing, and a blonde lady steps out to chase after him, slinging a purse over her shoulder and reaching with her other hand to link around his elbow.

“I told him this was gonna make me late for work,” grumbles Nelson, but without any heat to the words. “Dad’s surprise party isn’t until tomorrow, don’t know why this couldn’t have waited – oh, crap, I forgot I told Karen I’d pick up some coffee—”

Nelson’s about-facing sharply, girlfriend following closely behind. He doesn’t appear to notice Frank crouched down in a corner by the 7-Eleven, hood obscuring half his face as he trains his eyes on the ground by their feet. The girl unearths some coins from her bag as they pass, clinking them onto the lid of Frank’s coffee cup without seeming to hear his low mutter of thanks.

He’s leapt up the moment he hears the door latch shut, brushing the coins into his palm as he goes.

He leaves them with a guy camped out by the train stop, a dog lifting her head from their blankets to blink sleepy eyes up at Frank, and he walks away harder, takes the steps two at a time and wishes – God he wishes—

…

Another text from Madani.

He shuts his phone off. Goes back to retrieve it ten seconds later from the trash can that he’d dumped it in, wiping it down and scowling as her message pops up on the screen.

Castle – offer still stands, FYI.

“You should call her back,” advises a man huddled down by the newsstands next to him. His face is like leather, worn down and weathered with age, with living. “Apologize for whatever it is that you did, so you don’t end up out here like me.”

“Already there,” Frank tells him, turning the phone over and over in his hand. Madani’s message lights up again each time, flashing and flashing until he sees it like a burn through his retinas even when the phone’s no longer facing him.

“Damn. That’s a damn shame.” The guy shifts, scratching at a spot on his back. “Maybe shouldn’t’ve stayed away from her for so long.”

Frank shakes his head, uttering a short, incredulous laugh. “Well, maybe I got my reasons, yeah? You think about that?”

“Doesn’t matter what I think,” shrugs the guy. “Does she think they’re any good? These reasons of yours?”

Frank turns away, jaw working furiously.

“Yeah.” The guy shouldn’t have any right to sound as smug as he does, and yet. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

…

He’s got no place in coming here. He knows it. He knows it, but he thinks it was always meant to be this way, him circling back around to her, even after everything that he’s done to push her away. Maybe a part of him had never left. And the rest is just – there, hovering right at the edge of some sharp realization, that he could try to be whole again if he simply took that first step. And a part of Karen must at least sense that. It’s why she’d never really given up on him, before.

It doesn’t change how I feel about you.

Frank wonders if she’d forgive him this time. If he’d even want her to.

It wouldn’t be anything close to what he deserves, that’s for goddamn sure.

He gazes up at her fire escape, counts the number of steps it would take just to be able to reach that bottom rung from his vantage point across the street. Her shades are drawn, the lines of them blurred out in the dim orange light. On one corner of the windowsill, wedged up against the glass, there’s a small stack of books. On the other, a vase. From this angle, the shadows folded into the fabric of her curtains look almost like flower stems.

Frank squints, and the stems disappear.

…

There’s about a week in between, where he feels himself inching closer to something, each time he drops by her block. He never goes farther than the patch of sidewalk across from her building, but it’s getting harder not to just careen over the ledge.

More than anything, he wishes he knew, in those moments obscured in half-darkness, whether he’s come to look for that after she’d spoke of, or if he’s come to say goodbye.

Then, one day he spots flowers in her window, for the first time since—

(They’re pale white against the cream of her curtains, their stems dark slivers of green, and he imagines them pricking the pad of his thumb, drawing up a spot of blood.)

Frank takes a deep breath.

…

She doesn’t look surprised to see him when she opens the door, swinging it back two-thirds of the way before stopping. Her lips are pressed tightly together, like there’s too much to say, or maybe there’s things that she can’t, either way he can’t read her and he thinks she’s never terrified him more.

Frank drops his gaze, mouth moving soundlessly until the words grind their way out. “How’d you know I was here, Karen?”

He’s not sure what kind of answer he’s expecting. That Nelson had grown a real pair of eyes, or that Red had managed to ferret him out of his lurking somehow. Or maybe Karen really just hadn’t known at all, and those flowers were never for him.

What Karen says instead is, “Dinah and I grab a beer together, sometimes.”

“That right?” he asks, trying to lay out an image of this in his mind. It sits strangely there, stumping him for a moment, and some of his bewilderment must show on his face because Karen’s mouth almost turns up in a smile before flattening again.

She leans away from the doorjamb, waving her hand in a worn-looking gesture before letting it drop to her side. “Besides, you…haven’t exactly been subtle, in your haunting of Hell’s Kitchen.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, other than a gruff, “’S’what dead men do, Karen,” as she folds her arms and sighs at him.

“You sure you’re not just losing your touch, Frank?” She steps into the doorway, whether to move closer to him or to block him out of her apartment, he can’t tell. “Or was it because you wanted me to know but couldn’t tell me to my face?”

His eyes snap up to hers, twitching slightly under the sharp weight of her gaze. He shakes his head, wishing he could just ask her, What do you want from me, Karen? but they’re long past that now, and if he can’t find his own way to answer her, then.

God, he really doesn’t deserve this woman.

“I think I—” He shifts his body and tries again. “I think I needed to figure some things out. Karen. I was waiting 'til I felt like I was ready, and I don’t think I’ll ever be that.” But I’m here, he wants to say, but I’m here.

“Yeah.” Karen’s nodding, hair falling into her face, and she brushes it back, resting her chin in her palm for a moment. “I know that, Frank.” All of the fight in her seems to have ebbed slowly back, and he resists the urge to reach out and shake the storm back into motion, to make her understand she doesn’t get to let him off the hook so easy.

The look she gives him now is softer, but he knows. Fight’s not done. May never be done. And he knows this because he knows he’ll never stop fighting for her.

She’s stepped back into the door, letting it swing open further. She doesn’t invite him in, but she’s quirked an eyebrow up at him, biting her lip with another deep sigh and a shake of her head.

“You, uh.” Frank glances back and forth at their surroundings, doesn’t quite meet her eye. Tries to lighten his tone through the gruffness as he asks her, “So, you wanted to see me?”

Her voice is soft, forbearing, with a hint of gentle knowing behind it. “You didn’t?”

She’s holding back the clear start of a smile from him this time, and Frank. Christ. It’s taking everything in him not to step toward her, to—

Karen tilts her chin at him, the motion loosening another wave of blonde hair, and he can’t remember anymore why he was trying so hard to stand back from all this. He’s moving, swaying forward until she’s just an arm’s length away, and there’s something almost teasing about the way she relaxes her shoulder into the door as she watches him.

“You back to kill some people, Frank?”

He feels a corner of his mouth turn up. This girl. He licks his lips, lets out a quiet sort of laugh. “That was the plan, yeah.”

Karen gazes up at him, unblinking. “Have you?”

“I was—” Frank has to look away for a moment, finally turning back when he can. His eyes are steady, boring into hers, voice low and full with meaning. “I was. Working on it.”

Karen nods. Doesn’t speak for long seconds, and he measures them out in heartbeats, chest tightening hard enough it feels like it might break when she asks him, very carefully, “Still?”

Frank steps closer, close enough to feel the way her breath shakes with a small sigh, how her body moves away from the door to meet him.

His hand is inches from hers, but he doesn’t reach for her. Not yet.

She waits, gaze searching. He gives the barest shake of his head, and a single word, gravel-filled, a promise. “No.”

Something cracks open in her expression, and it means everything to him, her head ducking away as though she can’t have him looking too closely at the way she's biting back that smile of hers, and he thinks – he thinks he wants to make her do it again, and again, for as long as she will have him.

“Would you like to come in, Frank?”

He takes her hand in his this time, feeling the pull of her as he steps across the threshold, door shutting firmly behind them, and it feels like coming home.

[castlehead]

beauty seems to be really funny most of the time and i like dat.

this idea that sends pop definitions of beauty running for the hills makes for some

quality distance, if only one step back.

what if i had any idea who i was but could see into everybody else

phone home cheeky cosmic touch m8 gonna think this is too easy

yeah but not let’s feel this way without before examining ourselves

for anything fake about it first parting from the idea that there wasnt anyway

and then parting cuz that knows so much

that part of me knows so much abt what do you call it extreme fear of maudlin

i run naked thru the grass singing abt yesteryear

                        ...There’s a move in social situations I like to call, “around the sun” whereby you wait for the game to end to play music, or wait patiently for one plan of another to say its peace so you can say yours. I like to take it to a more extreme level and say, turn down the fuckin tv, I want to listen to a thing I find beautiful.

SONG ONE : like the earth

1. Sit back and dream of clouded metaphors Reveal the schemes that we devised Back in the day, when ur hands were small And the WORLD splayed out colorfully Before our eyes

(chorus)

Take ur thronging bussloads of the living dead Take all the lifetimes of a million busy heads Ur sly intellectuals that laugh in the dome The only place, the only place is in the peaceful tones Of singing birds perched on ascending wires, like notes

2. Caught u up past three, sitting on the porch I woke up from a dream that I immediately forgot That seems to happen a lot, especially if previously I torched a dutch and passed the fuck out But from the ether of my dreams I heard, from the scope of reality I heard you shout

(chorus)

3. The sun and the moon both live in a box And the box is a square made out of lead And the square lies motionless in ur head Like a body on the rocks

Watch the hour tuck away into an evening A day nestled in afternoon light From the beginning In ur mind that made all minds the same The twilight creeping across ur paper brain And I can only burn and burn and burn

And I can turn round like the EARTH And I can be a sphere like the EARTH And I can stitch up the nations With fear, like the EARTH

(chorus)

                        ...people who call it a false flag just don’t wanna think it’s their own who bomb, if it can’t be a towelhead.

SONG TEW : the rainbow

The sinister rainbow blinks over the clover And the dawn is a monster in my brain I'll take a picture before this song is over And I’ll fix u in a wheel to keep me sane

Don’t break out the gin for the old lady creepers Smoke until the blur makes ur head float around I live in hades, burn my tongue on the heater When I lick this heaven ill taste yur sound

(chorus)

What Im saying isnt deep What Im stealing isnt cheap But I know that if i play it loud and long That this song in my head will instead Form a beat

Like a stranger in the rain Slowly driving me insane There's a fork in the road And I dont know whether Or when, all this shit will come together In the end

2. I got a stupid friend who lives in a pause He takes life from the tiger’s jaws, and prays

That life begins again, after it is over And the rainbow shines like a dream, in a daze

Ill take u thru the eye of the needle Ill breathe a testament to ur false gods Ill tell the truth, and contaminate the evil And zap u like a lightning rod

(chorus)

3. Dont you know that the rainbow is the world? Dont you know that the news is already told? Im gettin too old to be unfurled Im seein the rainbow in my mind Im waking up for the daily grind Im singing useless things for useful people The rainbow is not evil, its kind Dont u know that the color kings rattle like a marble In a tin can? And the rainbow eats the darkness like a mother Without a son? Dont u know that u can never be a man? And the rainbow drags across the empty land And the rainbow drags across the empty land

(chorus) (chorus)

                        ...the only division is classical and romantic. all else is contributory to these two. postmodern, modern, no. romantic. it all follows the romantic objective. one is ruled by the time at which it occurred, and the other is ruled by the mechanism of breaking from any present time.

SONG THREE : an ending that promises to begin again

1. A legend sleeps in yur head somewhere You take yur trembling hands And grope for mine, like a bum for spare Change... You cant explain

This strange perdition that engulfs Yur position in the sane... And the trouble of the pulse That leads a broken synapse Up into my eccentric brain... Theres a clot in my neck And the ruins of time Keep me from being able to find A comfortable spot to rest

(chorus)

Im stuck in erasure--a constant exposure To the elements still provides me with eyes To see bad karma writhing in my spleen And I wonder if ill dream While the whole WORLD is awake Will I be the manufactured figure, Will I be fake?

Or will I take these petty abstractions And roll them up into a ball And put them in my pocket Just to feel the reason stall In my throat... Is life a puzzle, or a joke?

2. The life you led one sunny afternoon Is the life you never led again... I can appreciate the reasons For why you did not blend Like a chameleon in the room But cant discern the seasons Of the moon

Yur whispers prosper, loud Like a passionate apostle And the lords are proud of ur Painting on the wall... That skritter of an evening gone Is enough to scatter colors When the sky finally falls, And the lords are like the brothers Of what lorded over them... Take these idols and shatter them... The racket in my brain is loud And does not end And does not end And does not end, even when the jig is up Cuz ive gotten fucked by time: Its an ending that promises To begin again

(chorus)

                        ...Nobody starts an Apollonian, and only those are Dionysian who have the capacity for restraint needed to confer the Apollonian chariot, tho some die without a revision of the vision etc. some die restraintless

SONG FOUR : chauncey ames and the case of jenny preston

1. Chauncey loved the flowers Chauncey loved the trees Chauncey smelled the wind And knew that he was free

Chauncey took a cab home Chauncey felt the air flow Thru the window He paid the driver extra Just for keeping him From being alone... Back, once again To the place that he had left Long ago

In fact, it had been years and years and years Since the man had seen walls Not fortified in concrete... In fact, it had been years and years and years Since this man had put to rest That lying cheat

(chorus)

Chauncey was a killer That was his disease Got off on manslaughter: Fingerprints on a pair keys Got him twelve years For offing someone's daughter Even tho she was eighty three Cuz no matter how old u are Everyone Is a daughter or son To someone

2. Now he's out, but he has his fears... Maybe people will not like him For his past It is unclear Even after all the facts Had been presented... Whether Jenny Preston Was murdered, or just had a bad fall Onto a bed of broken glass They found her in the hall At the head of the stairs, flat on her wrinkled ass

(chorus)

Chauncey was a man of few words But in the end he was unheard His eyes were petrified In delirium His arms shook As he held the gun He took aim On the good book Instead of his brains just to prove a point His neck is craned His eyes like coins That shine their milky matter On the barrel of a luger

(Chorus)

                        ...doubt any of y'all would live up to the wit/confidence/sardonicism y'all judiciously sculpt for hours on the book of face.

SONG FYVE: my summer home

1. This is food for thought Write it down in chalk: The chimney puffs From the fire in the fireplace And erupts in a black plume And with luck The old man Balances a spoon On his nose He sits inside a room As the room grows Smoking from a pipe While its raining outside And the light Is waning, slowly waning, outside

My fingers and my toes Are numb to the bone And I will have my wish To swim with all the fish In the sea of my mind In time ill find A little spot in the country Somewhere peaceful and secluded Ill save up all my money And hope im not deluded And hope that I can find a place Thats nice, a lush spot For a good price

(Chorus) Do you feel that I feel you? Do you feel that you feel me? The time is right to live again To let the atoms wiggle In our spherical galaxy That seems to have no real end But the one that we assume Is reality, and soon We'll eat up all the doom

2. Concentrate upon a single understanding Dont let the sisters on the throne Rage in the dome And find out that this trip Needs more planning to exist

The sky is silver and the universe is green Ill show you things in this world That you have never seen Things that have been waiting So long to be unfurled Things for boys and things for girls Without an explanation Ill bring the nation together And hold it by a tether Show you things for boys And things for girls

(Chorus)

                        ...for example i would never be able to muster the cognitive stones to say all of this, in order, amongst the company of people, even friends

SONG SIX : notion

#1 im in the middle of this phrase Stuck between the lines Bless these simple chains I'll see what I can find In my simple mind To lead to some way out The drip, drip drip of water From the trippy rusty spout Keeps me awake I'll explain that to ur daughter The world is fake The world is miles away:

Chorus: Put a notion on the river And see it travel downsteam Suspended on liquid creature dreams I sweated thru the fever And, between the middle of this phrase Passed all my days in solitude And grew weaker, as the days Passed on in solitude

You can call me daft You can say im frozen In technicolor time That im stranded on an island In the middle of the ocean But I dont have the spine To wiggle thru the shaft And give you back This simple notion

#2 I gots a paper boat Lofting on the water It travels down ur purple throat And dissolves in the water

I set a fire just to see if it could think And I questioned the venom Just to see if it could blink Nonsense on the edge Of the bullshit day Chillin on the ledge, you shape the clay And drive the screws on down And drive the screws on down

I thought of you, thought of you And I felt like a clown

(chorus)

#3 I crawl out, I crawl out I crawl out of bed I walk down the hall To turn the notion into thread And whisper rumors to the dead Sometimes I try to talk And my voice drops Sometimes the vague paralysis Defies analysis And you are left sitting on a chair In a yellow room That is a technicolor tomb Without a door, confined and spare, I crawl, I crawl I crawl out of bed And walk down the hall And fall and fall and fall Into the creation of sound Until I hit the ground And everything is mother night And the imperfections in yur eye Spangle in the strange notion of the twilight

(chorus) (chorus)

                         ...the broad concept of subjectivity has as much to do with a detailed exegesis of one tenet of it as death itself with the specific way we die

SONG SEVEN : collected and connected

You're a sharp one You're a dumb one You got nobody But the people in yur head

And everybody is connected But you aint connected to them Yur a ghost, on the interim While the fringes die out You live them out To the last splinter Until it is winter And the trees are all white with snow And the blue wind blows

Yu spend twenty minutes Feeling for the lightswitch In a room made out of figments That you shovel into a ditch And bury, along with all yur Dangerous ambitions And as you drive away, you feel The religion Of yur memories corrupt u And yu reel

CHORUS. Cuz everyones connected Everyones collected Into the same intangible organism That lives life in the schism Of ur teeth I watch ur lips move And cannot hear u speak I pick up on the clues and watch the pressure leak Until all of it is used And nothing much is left To be abused

Everyones connected by a string That trembles across the space Of every living thing The fractions of my face illuminate in the light I shake when i sing I am a yellow kite Mangled in a tree Forgotten by the breeze I am a thing, wafting in the breeze But I have begun again, my friend, Just by following the string Follow, follow the string

#2 Two days ago the WORLD was made of angles I opened my eyes to the lost ways And came upon a shallow swale The brush and branches tangled And the rays of the sun, barely Coming thru the jail Of the scary fray

Dont you think that yur fellow men Would like to lend a hand? And dont you think That this desert you have crossed Only gets u more lost Until u arrive at the brink Of the sahara, and find A single, solitary house Where a mumbling old man Is confined

(CHORUS) (CHORUS)

i always dress nice when i have no place to go. otherwise i look like a sweaty coked up hobo. its my chic, paranoid hobo chic. my comportment u say? quirky to the acquaintance, somewhat sad to the friend, an endearing mix of both with a dash of worry to the best friend, and an embarrassment to the significant other. im usually the life of the party bc i bring drugs so people are forced to tolerate my horror of a personality.

rejection is a rare and beautiful flower my time is spent tending it my life wants it to be a gift i water the flower it sits next to my bed it is next to a lamp littered under the lamp are dead ladybugs ladybugs are all over my house but if i am not meant i am not meant and i cast my line of poetry here trying to figure out if it was meant to be there wonder exactly why what is innumerable can be rare and think of lots of things

[themoonandotherslikeit]

The Daughter of a Righteous Man- Chapter 18

*SEQUEL TO THE LOOK IN HER EYES*

After her husband is drug to Hell, Ava Winchester and her brother in law Sam try their best to do right by Dean and raise her daughter, only to find that good intentions aren’t always enough. Loving someone isnt always enough.

Chapter Eighteen, Help Me Unravel My Latest Mistake

Ava

I was in bed at seven pm. I justified it because Nel was fed and fell asleep in her swing when I was doing my dishes from the cereal I ate for dinner, and it was already dark outside.

I kept rolling over and back over again. I took off my sweatshirt and put it back on. I was uncomfortable in my skin.

Lacey is on a date. How could she go on a date in my time of need?

I knew the answer, of course. She had a fucking life! She's been a good friend, but maybe it was time that I listened to her, stopped wallowing, won back my man, or at least got the nerve to call him.

I wondered if he missed me too.

I sat up and looked at the bedside table clock. Seven twenty five. Wow. Time sure does crawl. I flung my legs over the side of the bed and unplugged my cellphone. It was fully charged, and had been all week. That's what happens when you don't have a husband to text. 

I sighed and dialed Bobby, giving in.

"Hey kiddo."

"Uncle Bobby, hi," I exhaled a deep sigh. 

"Everything okay?"

"Umm... I was actually hoping you knew where Dean was." Maybe it wasn't fair to call him.

He sighed into the phone. "Have you tried to call him?"

"He won't take my calls, Bobby. I get it, we fucked up. You warned me."

"You're not hearing an I told you so from me. Don't worry about that,” he said gently.

But I was worried about it. I saw the annoyed look on Johns face when he picked up Nel for Dean. It was judgmental. Like, yeah okay maybe I'm a bad wife, but you were a shit father. We all make mistakes.

"Thanks. So do you know where he is?"

"He's on a case with Sam. They had an apocalypse lead."

I sat up straighter, fighting the urge to rip off my sweatshirt again. Heat rose up my neck and onto my face. "What? He's with Sam?"

"That's what his text said at least."

I stared blankety ahead of me. "So he can forgive Sam and not me..." I didn't realize I'd said it out loud until Bobby commented.

"Honey I'm not sure it's like that. Those brothers have literally been through hell..."

"Trust me, Bobby, I haven't forgotten."

I was angry. There was no denying that. I refused to let them keep me in the doghouse alone. Lacey was right, I don’t just roll over and take it. I wasn't that kind of girl. "Bobby can you come by my house and watch Nel? I need to find them. If there's something to fight I'm going to fight it, and I'm going to fight for my marriage."

"You got it."

Dean

Anna caught me off guard when she pressed her lips to mine. She knew what I did and yet she still wanted to kiss me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and grabbed the back of my shirt in her fist, pulling it over my head.

I didn't think before I shrugged her jacket off her shoulders. She reached down and pulled off her own shirt, pressing her chest against mine. She reached up, pressing her hand to Castiel's handprint on my shoulder. Angels are seeming more and more like the bad guy, but there I was. Who was I kidding anyway? I was a bad guy, and Anna knew. She knew, and she didn't care.

I picked her up easily, her thighs wrapping around my waist. This room of the barn was obviously treated as a safe room. There was a vanity, a pull out couch, and a small dresser. I walked us to the couch, laying her down. She unbuttoned her jeans and lifted her hips so I could pull them off. I followed her instructions like it was habit, kissing my way down her exposed skin.

She was pale under me, her green eyes intense. She propped herself up on her elbows to kiss me again. It was slow, but precise. When I kissed her I didn't have to think about where I'd been or what happened while I was there. I was just a guy in the moment. A guy who would have some serious fucking consequences when this was all over, but maybe that's what I wanted deep down. Maybe I wanted to be unforgivable. It always made more sense for Ava and Sam to be together. They were smart, they were more than this shitty life. Unlike me. I was born for it.

I wiggled out of my own pants and stared down at Anna. She was breathing heavily, her world rocked. She still had a fresh bandage on her arm. She wasn't human, and there was something horribly comforting about that.

She hooked her thumbs in her underwear and pulled them down, staring at my own. This was the moment. I could turn back mostly unscathed. I love my wife, but looking at Anna, I knew I didn't deserve Ava. I never did.

I held myself up with one hand so I could discard them to the side.

When I pushed inside her she gasped, as if she was surprised. I honestly was. I buried my face in the crook of her neck, worried I was going to lose my shit and cry all over this beautiful woman.

She flipped us over and stared down at me, her hands on my chest. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and she didn't kiss it away or wipe it. She just stared at me as she grinded against me. It was like she was seeing past my skin into my soul. She was watching me crack and break in two. I grabbed ahold of her shoulder blades and pulled her back to my mouth, just so I could stop her eyes. Just so I could stop the pain.

————————-

The man who was with Castiel stood in front of me. I knew now that his name was Uriel. "Dean,” he said casually, tilting his head to the side.

"I'm dreaming," I said suddenly. The last thing I remembered was stroking the length of Anna's spine as we drifted to sleep.

"That's correct,” Uriel said slowly. "Give us, Anna. She is no use to you."

"Yeah, I'll pass."

He frowned. "I must say that it won't end well for you. She doesn't have her grace. She is no good to you."

"Actually." I stepped toward him. "She does. Full blown angel now," I lied out my ass.

He smirked. "That's funny, because I have her grace here,” he said, pulling an amulet from around his neck. "Try again, Dean."

I winced.

"I see what's going on here," Uriel said, looking me over. "You got a slice of angel food cake."

"Cute." I snorted. "Come up with that one all yourself?"

He eyed my wedding ring. "I suppose Hell does change a man."

I frowned. "Well you're the one trying to kill an innocent girl, so who is the real bad guy here?"

"Oh Dean she is far from innocent."

"How does Castiel feel about this? He's your boss, right?"

"Castiel isn't here. It's best that way. He has...attachments to you. He likes you."

I frowned harder. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. "Well, I'm a likeable guy."

"I'd disagree."

"Of course you would."

"We can't let Hell get it's hooks in her."

"So just give her the angel juice back," I said as if it were that simple.

"She committed a serious crime."

"What? Thinking for herself?"

"This is our business, not yours. She's not even human. Not technically." Uriel clenched his fist. "This is your last chance. Give us the girl or..."

"Or what? What, you're gonna toss me back in the hole? You're bluffing."

"Try me," he growled. "This is a whole lot bigger than the plans we got for you, Dean. You can be replaced."

"Well go ahead and do it."

"You're just crazy enough to go, aren't you?"

"What can I say?" I countered. "I don't break easy."

Uriel smiled at that. It wasn't a big gesture. It was small and somehow much more menacing. "Oh yes, you do. You just got to know where to apply the right pressure. I will see you soon, Dean, and I promise you that you will give us the girl. Or you will live to regret it."

Ava

It was concerning how easy it was to find Sam and Dean. I really needed to go over how to better cover their tracks in the future. I walked up and pushed my way into the unlocked back door. What is this amateur hour? I shook my head. They needed me way more than they were willing to admit.

I heard movement above me, and so I climbed the stairs.

I put a lot of work into my appearance. I was wearing lipstick and eyeliner. What Dean liked to call my ass-hugging-jeans, and a top that showed just enough cleavage. I straightened my hair, and once again I felt like I was attractive enough to hopefully stop his rage enough to have him talk to me.

I got to the top of the stairs and pushed open the old wooden door. I saw his jacket hung over a chair, and I smiled with relief. He was here.

That smile quickly faded when my eyes caught a mop of red hair sprawled across his bare chest. They were tangled on the couch asleep, their feet hanging off the side. I could see everything. His hand absentmindedly stroking her back in his sleep. Like he did with me.

"Oh my god."

I was going to be sick.

His eyes opened at the sudden sound of my voice, and his guilty green globes met mine. I shook my head and immediately ran down the stairs, making a lot of noise on my way down. 

"Ava wait!"

I didn't wait. This was a mistake! I should've stayed in bed. I pushed back outside and started coughing and spiting. My hands were on my knees as I was doubled over. Do I deserve this?

I stood up and made my way to my car when the door behind me busted open. Dean was wearing his jeans and black t-shirt. He didn't even bother putting on his shoes. His hair was still messy from the sex, and looking at him gave me physical pain.

"It..."

"Do not insult me by saying it wasn't what it looked like."

"It was what it looked like," he said defeated.

"Goodbye, Dean." I turned away from him, my gut twisting painfully. 

"Hey!" He called, jogging to me. He grabbed my arm. "You don't get to do that."

"You don't get to fuck another girl and then ask me to be reasonable." I tired to pull my arm away, but he wouldn't budge.

"That's what you've been trying to do all week."

"Oh my god, Sam and I are not the same as whatever is going on here." I gestured at the barn loosely, his arm still connected to mine. 

"You're right. You were in a relationship. Yours is worse."

I looked at him, infuriated. I wanted to slap him. Scream. I tried to calm my breathing, instead. "What do you want me to say?"

"Say that it wasn't okay."

I laughed. I didn't mean to, but it was just so fucking stupid. "You were dead, Dean. You were fucking gone. I was pregnant and alone. I was broken. I was a corpse, and I didn't recognize myself. You cannot blame me for finding whatever I could to deal with losing you. Sam was the only thing that kept me alive."

He flinched, and I could tell my words hurt him. Maybe they needed to hurt, because he needed to understand. "I didn't do it to hurt you. We both tried to sell our souls. I met with so many people. I did research. I met with a witch and she said there was no getting you back. I couldn't go in our room for months, and when I finally did I read your note and... I don't know. Maybe I should've found another way, but I will not apologize for keeping both Sam and I afloat."

I watched his neck move as he swallowed hard. "Were you in love with him?" He asked quietly.

"I never stopped loving you," I told him, honestly. "But I love him too. I love him in a way that is unique to Sam and I. But no.. I don't think I was ever in love with him."

Dean closed his eyes and shook his head. "He's in love with you."

"I can't help that. All I can help is what I feel."

He nodded a bit as if he understood, but there was something else going on in his expression. His face was twisted.

"You turn to explain."

"Anna is a fallen angel."

"Anna." I frowned. "She's an angel." I knew I must've sounded like a fucking parrot, but I couldn't help it. I was flabbergasted. When I first met Dean I suspected he was the kind that fucked around, but when I fell for him I never thought he would do it to me. Maybe I was stupid. Maybe there is a better explanation.

"We helped her. The angels and demons want her. She is missing her powers."

"So you thought you should protect her."

"Yes."

"With your penis?"

He laughed humorlessly. "No... we were just talking as I was sewing up one of her wounds. She was telling me why she wanted to fall. Why she would give up power to be a puny human. I guess the stuff she was saying made sense to me."

I frowned. I didn't like his answer so far.

"She knows things about what happened to me in Hell." I could tell it was hard for him to say, he looked like he was choosing his words carefully. "Things that I can't say out loud. Things that I did."

"I don't understand. What are you saying?"

Dean took my hands in his. "I wasn't in Hell for four months, Ave. I don't know.. time worked differently there. It was more like forty years."

I winced. Oh my god.

"They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you couldn't imagine. Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... Just so they could start in all over." He blinked tears away. "And Alastair... at the end of every day... every one... he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack. If I put souls on. If I started the torturing."

"Dean," I whispered, suddenly forgetting about Anna or our fight. I could see the pain in his expression. I held his face in my hands.

"Every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For thirty years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Ave. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls... The things I did..." He collapsed against me, letting it all out. I could feel his body racked with sobs.

"Dean, you held out so much longer than anyone could have. You lasted thirty years." I understood more now. It was easier to be hated for adultery than to have to face his demons. Especially since he thought I was in love with Sam.

"How I feel... what's inside me. Fuck, I wish I couldn't feel anything. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."

Sam

Anna came running down the stairs. Ruby and I were trying to make a plan. She didn't think we should help. I chalked it up to the fact that she's a demon and is a little self centered, because we were obviously helping.

"Sam, the angels are talking again," Anna said out of breath.

"What are they saying?"

"It's weird. Like a recording on a loop. It says: Dean Winchester gives us Anna by midnight, or..."

I stood up. "Or what?

"...or we hurl him back to damnation."

I swallowed hard. "Anna.. Do you know of any weapon that works on an angel?”

"To what? To kill them?"

I nodded.

"Nothing we could get to... Not right now."

"We need to tell Dean." I pushed past her. Fuck, what are we going to do?

"I think he's outside," Anna said, pulling her sleeves over her hands.

"Thanks." I walked out the door. "Dean?" I shouted.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw them illuminated in the moonlight. Ava and Dean were tangled together. They turned to me looking surprised that I was there, like I'd interrupted a moment between them.

My fingers twitched at my side. They were getting back together. I didn't know why I was surprised. Of course she would pick him.

"Sammy?"

"The angels are talking again. We have two hours before they come for Anna or you're going back to Hell."

"Shit."

"Yeah not great," I said glumly, turning away from them.

"Sam wait!" Ava called out to me.

I turned, and there we were again. She was standing between us. In the middle of a fucking storm.

—————

Chapter Nineteen, Fragile Love

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[dauntless-dragayn]

some Things about Lave*

*in a Disorganized thought stream format 

-ahEM!-

[copy paste from the google doc] (under a cut because its LONG)

Bluster. A lot of the shit lave says is bluster. Shes just good at making people believe it

Shes a great liar but no one suspects it

The dark makes her nervous, (even before the events of the series) not that she would ever in a million years admit it 

Which is partly why she loves fire

Younger blake got upset when she played with matches and lighters, and she also realized people saw any amount of fire as a direct threat, so she learned to play with it alone or not at all

But she has to keep her hands busy somehow??

So lave does some strictly Unnecessary^™ stealing from tourists

At first its just bits and bobs like paper clips or clicky pens

But she took a rubix cube one and damn did she love that thing

Someone stole it from her

What a bitch

So she found less flashy but equally entertaining fidget things to play with

In the time when Blake originally went missing she stopped

Whatever she had was quickly traded away for information that didnt help

All energy went into that search and she lost something of herself in those weeks

Now she has less healthy ways of energy coping

Grinding her teeth, chewing her lip, scratching her skin raw, tearing off scabs and causing bleeding, ect

Her resting face is that bitchy casual smirk of chaos

But you’ll know shes truly tired if shes got that stony ‘actually done with your bullshit’ face on

Swearing is extremely entertaining to her

She does it considerably less around Blake however, out of habit

You’ll notice she DOESNT swear if things are really serious

Just like Blake, she has a definite weak spot for animals

She tries to hide it more though

But if lave sees an animal being abused you can Bet Your Ass she’ll recklessly run in and rescue it

After the fact she’ll take to comforting/bandaging up the animal before taking care of any of her own wounds

She actually doesnt like to take it to an animal hospital (right away) because the animal is most likely terrified of anyone 

So she inadvertently become really good at veterinary care 

She always has some meat on hand but its not for herself its for stray animals

Even though meat is worth so much on the streets and she really needs it herself

It frustrates Raymin but Blake will end up doing the same thing if he tries to stop Lave so he quickly gives up

Although not quite as bad as Tobias in her worst times, Lave tended to hide in her dragon form

Her worst time being after Sam left. She could largely abandon her pangs for affection in that form and, in general, leave behind things that reminded her of him

It was only Blake settling (around/right before the time Oberon showed up) that could bring her back

And then of course, Erin

Erin erin erin 

Lave had definitely looked at girls before, but in a distant way

Boys were flashy, boys were easy, the obvious choice

But they didnt grip her heart and body like girls did

She didnt have internalized homophobia dont get me wrong.. But anything or anyone who has that kind of power over her is a threat and Lave does not like feeling threatened

Still… when Sam left her, she had a hard time pretending to like those flashy boys

They were all like him, if toned down

And look what happened there.

So she turns away from boys

And her heart is broken, shes not ready for anything

But… but when she stopped looking at boys… she couldnt stop looking at girls..

(blake met oberon right about here so he has the audacity to try and encourage her. In all seriousness he really wanted her to move on from Sam and if that meant some flings with ladies he didnt care)

And thats right about when she met Erin

Lave didnt think about stupid stuff like her ‘type’

But no one, especially not her, expected Erin

Short, thick, ex art student and accented latina

Erin made lave at once powerless and stronger then anything

Stronger than that stupid coward of a boy who broke and ran, too

Lave is most well known on the streets for her wild appearance at the clubs

Listen, she has good taste in music and she graces wherever she goes so as a result

She decides which ones are The Shit which ones are shit

she befriends the Djs almost every time

Theres even rumors of her hooking up with them, but the only time shes actually followed up on mere teasing was this one female dj called LAcced (pronounced Laced)- african american lesbian badass (her real name is Lucy but lave doesnt know that till they smoOCH) her look is those laced hIGH tops and and fang+poison makeup on her face

There are some really good dancers around, dont get me wrong, but its the way people feel when watching her dance that really lets her stand out

They can see that her soul is soaring with the invisible wings fluttering in tune to the music

But she denies being the best dancer if seriously inquired about it, because she knows people really work at this and build their bodies for it which is different from just running on passion

(Its probably the only thing shes at all humble about)

(But she lives on the crowds she draws)

her taste in music is pretty variable, but she will not hesitate to demand something more intense while shes there

Smart people wont argue

And then they realize “holy hell this IS amazing”

and then they all stare at lave who admittedly wears more revealing stuff to dance in

If youre not gay ya gay for her thats the rule sorry not sorry

shes just… goals af mhmmm

who needs to get drunk when you can get high on the bass crashing through your body?

and oH bOY

if you thought she was competitive 

Wait till youve seen her in a dance off

She doesnt do it often but

When she does SHE GOES ALL. IN.

Which isnt to say she wins all the time, she doesnt

But in the end she almost always wins a friend in the opposing dancer/s

(And faints after dragging herself off the dancefloor oops)

Which brings me to dance partners

Does she have them

The answer is

Naw

Not unless its a) that dj she hooked up with making a rare trip to the floor or b) no actually thats it she flies solo

julia is her biggest fan yeah shes the mom friend sue me

Blake sometimes dances against her those hecking cute competitive siblings

Erin doesnt dance but damn can she appreciate her girlfriend doing it

[retechd]

National Margarita Day

Met up with my wing pretty much right after work at chipotle. Opened the girl at the register. Asked her about her tattoo. She tells me its supposed to say one thing but says another. I tease her about it a bit. She ask if i can read it. I say does it look like i can read that. She says yes. I forget what i said after but Im holding up the line so i move on. Girl at soda machine isnt paying attention. Walks backwards then turns around right in front of me and get a shocked face. I just laugh about it.

Talking with my wing having fun. Free flowing light convo. Point to register girl and tell him what happened.-she sees this-. She shortly comes around wiping tables down. I tell her i totally wasnt talking to her. My wing says we totally were. I ask what the name *tattoo* means. She tells me a story about her dead dog. I sympathize with her, i can relate then make it light by joking how shes just full of dark things and is depressing me. She has to get back behind the counter.

We end up walking to the bars from there. Wing opens a 3 set headed to TR. Asking if they are headed there. I almost immediately get in my head.

1. I was not expecting to open them because i was a bitch.

2. I started feeling like I couldn’t get in on the convo.

I could only think about saying things that pretty much echo’d my wing.

This happens again when two girls are hooting. Wing opens with “have you two been drinking already.” Has playful banter with them. Im already in my head but for some reason. Confident, good looking girls intimidate me if im not in state. The were both good lookin, very much in their own bubble of fun and obviously from the college which to me means they have money and are clichie. Same thing happens. I can’t get a word in. Even if i did it would only be an echo.

Go inside same venue. And after getting the drink prices we walk out. Circle the bar area then end up back there since everything else was dead. So this venue put me more in my head. Im not used to restaurant venues. Plus all filled with mostly the same demographic (white, money, clichie).

Note: I realize this is completely my interpretation and while i do have experiences to say this may be the case. It probably has more to do with my terrible game, especially in my first year than them being snobbish. I will write a frame for these people to start getting me to not default to my current prejudices which just dont help me at all.

Same with confident really attractive people. I give them a status in my head and feel inferior which I completely not the case. I’ve been friends with really cool people, wealthy people, and peope of status all my life. Its so unnecessary for me to feel “not worthy”.

So we are chillin with ourselves. Girls walk by but Im so in my head i can’t do anything. Which leads me to be more in my head ruminating on not taking action. My wing isn’t doing anything either. We are vibing with each other though; which is much better than just standing in silence looking around.

Wing opens two promo girls giving away drinks. Same thing, he is doing everything and I’m kind of just there. The girl closest me me keeps taking little glances at me. In the moment i thought she was feelin g awkward because i was just being quiet but now im wondering if she was just attracted to me. Other girl has big tits and a low V neck. I do my best to not look and fail a couple times...she maybe might’ve saw too. They gives us drinks, take a picture where im purposefully making it awkward as a joke. Then they move on to give more promo drinks.

Note: This is what Don does. He is not someone i should ever emulate. So mental note to never make things wierd even as a joke. Also never be awkward and try because anything is better than stewing in my anxiety and inaction.

A bit later i try to open a girl getting a refill. “You have an interesting look, what are you? *internally pause fearful she’ll take offense and add* “if you dont mind me asking.” I was leaning in -bad body mechanics telegraphing neediness- . She give me a side look and say “human”. Internally im thinking fuuuck you bitchface. I come back with thanks for a real answer. This stewed with me. I kept trying to let it go but it triggered something in me. My wing helped talk me through it, finally was able to stop being a bitch and realize im just not in abundance. She should have been insignificant but i wasn’t on a roll yet and was barely opening.

Fast foward. I decide to txt 2 girls i made out with from another night. Its been at least a week or two. One tried to blow me off with “im pregnant” to which i laughed my ass off, played with her a bit and deleted her number. Other one was receptive and says she’s available tomorrow. I tell her i’ll txt her then. Hit up my CMB and actually got her input on why she wanted to not go out again. She says it’s because it seemed like my mind was in the gutter alot. I consider this and figure she felt wierd because i didnt txt her the next day and also probably gets the vibe that I get nasty with more than just her. I thank her for the info and delete the convo. -my way of not letting myself get needy-

Open two big girls that sit near us, pulling up a picture of my buddy who would absolutely love them *he likes bbws*. They are fun. Not sure what was said but it was pleasant. New wing joins up late. Tell him we are grabbing coffee. Bounce to SH.

Feeling better. Talk to the hostess, just normal stuff but im trying to push myself. Talk with the waitress. Say something to a random girl that walks in and is smiley. The girls (lesbians) we met last time come over to say hi. Short but definitely a nice boost having a warm welcome. Definitely going to be part of our social circle. 2 wings meet up from before. We talk, having a good time. One drops off then we bounce to new venue.

I get in a set with a cute dominican girl, she kind of opens me. Talk about how many drinks we have had. I ask her name and what she does, then decide to deep dive a bit to root out core values (in HR but likes Logistics). Get light again, intro the friends, shortly after they pull her away. I stay and talk to the next person to sit next to me. Cowboy, rodeo dude. Short but keeps the momentum going. Try to open a girl on the patio trying to get a cigarette. Then try to do a new angle to get her to talk. “Why does it sound like your mouth is full. She laughs but is trying to keep food in then a guy (they know each other) comes in and tales all her attention. I stay light but shortly leave.

Check outside and see a girl sitting by herself. Called my friend for some reason to confirm for this weekend (they’re crashing at my place). Ask her for a cigarette in the middle of it. She doesn’t have one so i change the subject or something. This was a blur ( too many margaritas) but lots went right. We were talking having fun then the cute columbian girl comes over. Turns out this girl was part of the three i met earlier. Massive social proof now seeing as i cold open her friend and they come to find us both laughing and having fun. I know i was talking about having sex with my friends gf and twisting it to say that she wants it and hes cool with it. Sex is definitely a great topic for girls. Friends come in and we all start vibing. At some point a dude comes in, I’m friendly and acknowledge but quickly find out hes a friendly rando that gave them a cigarette so i ignore him for the most part. Game wisdom to ignore the randos and not give attention or be reactive to them. At some point the two friends that joined us start dancing a bit. I qualify her dancing saying I like that she can wiggle. She then bounces that ass on me. 😮!

Note: this rarely happens and amazingly i just made it happen by being cool, free flowing, unstifled, non judgmental and qualifying her / rewarding her behavior!

My target , dominican, is smiling but i can see the jealousy plotline instilled and she wants in. So she grinds her ass on her friends crotch and now we a grinding train with yours truly as the base 😁! Shortly after its time for them to go so hug everyone and get my targets number. The girl that was grinding on me tries to get in my ear and say she is going to be married in 4 months. -jealousy plotline in action!- I said we’ll she has to be sure. -it was weak, I didn’t know how to respond-. Should have said we’ll we can always be friends...maybe. I’ll consult the council.

Back inside my wings are still in same set. One of them leaves to the bathroom so i chat him up a bit. Its going super well, he’s getting her to deep dive and open up. Apparently they share a lot and make plans for brunch. He ask me to talk to the friend. I see shes alone an pulroceed to chat her up * i love it when i’ve got my social motor running and this isn’t an issue* I talk to her, bigger girl but shes cool. Get her name. Forgot exactly everything but i know it wasn’t particularly warm at first then she started opening up. She had so much unique jewelry that it was easy to keep pinging for stuff to talk about that is relevant. Then we get on to ghost stories, weed habits, and i forget what else. At some point i go on about being the god of sex and proceed to hold her hands to bless her pussy which i accidently pat, she didn’t seem to mind at all. But i feel tense about it and mention it.

Note: Need to hold the frame that everything is on purpose and going according to plan. Girls prey and tear apart weakness. It can turn an edgy action from a spike of fun to a bitch fest if they smell it.

So my wing, who was originally talking to them comes back and i give it back. When they leaves i hug and bless her pussy again. Go to bathroom and run into a buddy who bounces at a nearby bar on the way. Chill with him, his buddy joins and all vibing. Intro my new wing he hasn’t met. All of us vibing. Wing drops off and its just the dynamic duo. We bounce to a new spot. It is insane and poppin!! All college girls but super cluby. Im a fuckin fan! No opens but its fun. I felt fun but ready at the same time (to fight) maybe its because i know how aggressive kids can get. Outside, wing was ready to bounce, bum a cigarette and barely vibe. We bail, its already late.