#when was the last time you got ZERO results on google?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lbxbx · 8 months

Text

Cockpit 6 | knj

Pair: Namjoon x reader

Summary: Namjoon goes through a rough time while getting a divorce, meeting you at the club two weeks in a row when attraction becomes unreal.

Rating: +18 mature content, Smut, divorce, fatherhood

Previous | Next

a/n: let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

taglist: @wecanpretendit |

You open up your eyes the next day, you didn’t get enough sleep but your phone just buzzed a notification, you click your tongue when you recall that you fell asleep before putting your phone on silent or do not disturb, you woke up with a mild hangover from last night’s poker game. You rub your eyes and immediately dig between your pillows to locate your phone.

You scrunch your eyes at the brightness when you unlock your phone, two notifications caught your attention, one being an email from the medical association, announcing that there’s a conference happening in Ilsan on Monday and you have to prepare a lecture for it. You’ve always attended those kinds of meetings but just as listener, but this year it’s your first time as a speaker since you managed to be one of the best in your department, the first notification made your day already, you’re proud of yourself.

But this email was sent a couple hours ago.

The second notification showing that someone texted you something two minutes ago and they unsent it, you click on the app and scroll through it, you even try googling how you can see who’s the sender, but you got zero results.

You scroll down and spot your chat with Namjoon, you click on it to see his last seen being a minute ago, but this doesn’t prove anything, it could be just a coincidence.

Although it isn’t.

Namjoon is dragging his carryon with him on his way to the terminal, he throws away his third empty cup of coffee before grabbing his phone, he’s been thinking about you the entire night, he wants to talk.

“how are you?”

“can we talk?”

It doesn’t even take a split second for him to unsend those messages, he can’t do it over text or over the phone, and he has to fly in less than an hour so he can’t really do anything until he lands in Seoul. He needs to see you face to face.

He swipes the app away and locks his phone when he arrives to the terminal.

“Shouldn’t the hospital pay for your ticket?” Jungkook asks out of breath, both of you are running on the treadmill, you’ve been working out together for some time now.

You and Jungkook met in the states in your first year in university, you both had majored in medicine, but he couldn’t keep up with the pressure, he went through so much that he just had to switch majors, he took the first plane back to Seoul and finished getting his degree to become a teaching assistant in Seoul’s university. You lost connection with him for a long time and you ran into him years after in a club and you became closer than ever.

“Yeah, they do, but I think I should take my car so I can move freely around there.” You shrug, he looks at you before squinting his eyes. “Honey it’s just one day, just go do your speech and fly back. Plus, the hospital is paying so you don’t have to spend anything.”

“It’s not about the money honey.” You mock his words, “It’s just that I don’t mind driving.”

“Don’t, really. Flying there is much safer.” He finally stops running when he finishes his miles. “You can’t drive there and back here on your own anyway, it’s not safe.”

You roll your eyes before turning off the treadmill, you grab your bottle of water and drink some to quench your thirst. “Whatever dumbass, you have to help me with my lecture.”

Both of you decided to shower at the gym and head out to Hoseok’s, they helped you choose a subject for your lecture and you finished it in a couple hours, it was a piece of cake with their help.

“Is it true what I heard?” Hoseok shuts his laptop and grabs a slice of pizza, you and Jungkook both turn to him in confusion. “What?” You ask.

“I heard some stuff from Seokjin hyung.” Hoseok takes a bite and wipes his mouth clean, you try and act oblivious but Jungkook is getting curious. “What?” He looks at you then back at Hoseok.

“Y/n hooked up with the guy she kissed at the club.” Hoseok shrugs. “It’s okay to talk about it since it’s over now, right?”

The younger looks at you with a shameless smirk on his face. “Nice.” He nods his head. You squint your eyes and elbow his chest. “Shut up.”

“So you totally agreed to hook up with a stranger but not with me.” He genuinely seems offended.

“Get over it Kook,” Hoseok huffs. “The guy is married.”

You study Hoseok’s face, is he pretending that he doesn’t know about the divorce? Or did he not really read his papers?

“You slept with a married man?” Jungkook exclaims a bit too loud that you rub your ear. “Okay first off, the neighbors don’t have to know, you don’t need to be loud.” He pouts.

You rub your forehead, you recall that night clearly when you tried to guess what’s his job, you literally had his hands in yours, there wasn’t a ring on it. “And in my defense, he didn’t tell me he’s married.”

“You should’ve asked.” Hoseok points and Jungkook agrees which makes your jaw drop. “Why would a married man flirt with a stranger? He’s the one who started talking to me.”

“Men don’t get enough-” Hoseok shrugs and gets interrupted by Jungkook. “No no, men never get enough.”

You knew all along that some men are pigs but now you somehow find this very unbelievable, and you’re positive that your friends might be pigs too, they’re men too after all.

“He has a child.” Your voice barely comes out, you’re in denial.

“So?” Jungkook asks as if having a wife and a son isn’t enough of a reason, you look at Hoseok, he’s just eating carelessly and totally not shaken by Jungkook’s question and the cringe on your face.

You close your eyes and shake your thoughts out of your head. “Okay, we need to stop talking about this, it was just a one time hook up and it won’t happen again, I don’t even know the guy.”

Monday came in a blink of an eye, surprisingly you weren’t that nervous, you got into a formal attire and filled your handbag with everything you could ever need, your flight is scheduled at 9 in the morning, you’ll be landing in Ilsan an hour later, and your flight back is scheduled to land in Seoul around 7 in the evening.

You grab your phone to find your friends active on the group chat wishing you good luck, you hover your fingers over the screen and respond to them with a smile on your face.

You take a cab to the airport and check in and head to your gate, you’re on your iPad re reading your lecture again while listening to music, you take a sip from your coffee and you spot a bunch of cabin crew and you scoff.

You didn’t realize how wrong Namjoon did you until now, everything seems to remind you of how bad things turned, and no matter how hard you convinced yourself that he’s just a stranger and you won’t have to see him again, you still grit on your teeth. You’ve always been smart and wit, your gut feeling was always right and you question yourself, why did you decide to ignore it this time, you have no idea.

Maybe something deep inside you actually had a thing for Namjoon, not a crush or something, but he just ticks everything on your list, and you find him quite close to your ideal type of men, but oh well, the man is married.

Well, he’s getting a divorce too. You think and you widen your eyes at your own thoughts before you burry your face in your palms.

Even if he was already divorced or whatever, that wasn’t your problem now. The man lied, and he’s a total red flag for you now, you didn’t have full trust in him to begin with, and now you can’t trust him at all.

Do men really not get enough? You recall what your friends said days ago, they can’t be totally right, you’ve seen healthy relationships before where each partner finds the other more than enough and they’re totally happy with each other.

You lift your face back up and you see the cabin crew again, you could clearly see what seemed to be the pilot flirting with one of the flight attendants, and goodness there’s a ring on his finger. Men.

Namjoon could’ve totally slept with so many women and convinced them that he’s single just like he did to you.

Speaking of which.

Namjoon is in the airport bathroom soaking himself with perfume before he heads to the terminal, he’s a few minutes behind the rest of the cabin crew.

The past few days were extremely hard on him, he’s been flying nonstop all over the republic just to distract himself from over thinking and just to waste time. He was going to try and contact you but he still isn’t brave enough to do so. He even drove to your place and stayed in his car for hours, hoping that you’d head out of the building any minute, but you were staying home the past few days.

He knew if he called or texted you wouldn’t answer, and he’s right.

The moment he walks to the terminal and boards the plane is when your face is in your palms because you’ve been having a debate with yourself earlier.

You didn’t see him, and neither did he.

“Where have you been?” His co pilot speaks as he enters the cockpit, Namjoon puts his carryon in the overhead bin before putting his phone down on his seat. “I was having a smoke.”

Boarding finally starts and you walk through the boarding bridge while carefully slipping your iPad in your bag making sure it won’t touch your heels, you chose to wear a pair of sneakers on your way there and change into your heels when you finally get there.

A queue is forming near the airplane door and you hear the flight attendants giggling with the passengers, you step a foot into the plane and one of the cabin crew welcomes you with the fakest wide smile ever. “Welcome aboard, may I see your boarding pass?”

“Thanks.” You hand her the ticket not bothering to mirror her smile, “I’ll take it from here.” A deep voice resonates that makes you lift your face up to see him.

Fucking Kim Namjoon.

Out of all the flights your hospital could’ve booked, they chose the one that Namjoon was flying.

Your eyes meet and it feels like you’ve seen him not long ago, you feel yourself getting charged with hate and anger again when you see him and you hardly control yourself to not snap at him and make a scene.

He snatches the ticket from the flight attendant and looks closely at it. “Come, I’ll walk you to your seat.” An immediate frown sits between your brows, you know he’s not authorized to walk you to your seat, and you can hear the other cabin crew whispering between each other.

You don’t have to take a long walk to your seat since the hospital booked you a business class ticket even when it’s just a one hour flight. Namjoon leads the way and you walk after him, he stops near your seat and points his head towards it. “Here you go.”

He didn’t leave you a good amount of space to enter your seat, so you stand super close to him before putting your bag down and take a your seat. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He bends down on his knees and leans his arm against the seat in front of you. ”How long are you staying in Ilsan?” And you immediately answer while trying to look careless, unlocking your phone and scrolling through it. “None of your business.”

“Y/N, please, we need to talk.” He begs with his voice barely whispering. “I’ll be waiting for you when we land-“

“Save it Namjoon, I’m going there for business and I don’t have the time.” You look at him, a sigh escapes his nose and he swallows when he looks at your lips for seconds, before looking back into your eyes. “I won’t waste your time, I’ll drive you wherever you wanna go. But please.” He begs again, his hand nearly falling on your leg but he stops himself and rests it on the back of your seat.

You scoff and shake your head, you look through the window for a second, then look back at him. “Look at you.” His eyes are locked onto yours. You continue. “Just so you know, there’s nothing you could say to explain yourself.”

“Namjoon, they need you in the cockpit.” A flight attendant nudges his shoulder, he nods without even looking up at her, then leans in closer. “Don’t get off the plane when we land, just stay here and we’ll leave together.”

You sigh in response and his hand finally lands on your knee for a quick touch of affirmation, he gets up and makes his way to the front of the plane, you eye him from head to toe, your eyes piercing through his big body, and he knows you’re watching.

You fasten your seat belt and lean your head back on the chair, you were hoping that you’d catch some sleep on the plane but you can’t.

You can easily predict what he wants to talk about, and you really used to fancy this man in general, but now he looks like a total different human being to you, and you can’t say you’re not disappointed.

You’re not going to over think this anymore, you’ve had enough, you’re gritting on your teeth again and your jaw tenses, you feel yourself about to get a headache. You’re seeking for closure.

The announcement bell rings and your eyes widen when you hear Namjoon’s voice radiate through the speaker. “Good morning and welcome aboard, this is your captain Kim Namjoon speaking.” You find yourself breathing heavily suddenly, you look all the way to the front of the plane, you can see the cockpit door still open, and you could see just the side of Namjoon’s body and the rest is blocked by the stupid giggling flight attendant.

“First I’d like to welcome you on Korean airlines flight number KA87 heading to Ilsan, we are currently third in line for takeoff. We are expected to be in the air in approximately 14 minutes, we’ll be up to a cruising altitude of 32 thousand feet, flight time will be one hour, if the seat belt sign is turned please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened.” You can see him shifting in his seat, before your phone buzzes a text, you grab your phone and see that he was the one who sent the text.

“I’m happy to see you :)”

Your stomach does this weird thing inside you that you haven’t felt before, your hand hovers over it and you try had to calm your breath but now your heart is fluttering.

“Please switch off your mobile phones, or turn on airplane mode for safety reasons.” He speaks through the speaker and you put your phone back into your bag with your jaw down. You cannot believe him.

“In about ten minutes after departure the cabin crew will be coming around to offer you a light snack and a beverage, until then, sit back, relax and enjoy your flight, thank you.” He closes the speaker and the back of your hand sits on your burning cheek, you’re totally confused on what’s happening to you.

You unbutton the first two buttons of your shirt and fan your face, if any of the flight attendants saw you they’d think you’re afraid of heights or you’re panicking but really, you’re not. You’re just.. Overwhelmed, if that’s the right word to use.

“Cabin crew please be seated for takeoff.” He speaks one last time before he moves the entire plane towards the runway.

Namjoon did his hardest to stay focused on the only thing he had to do, his mind was rushing with thoughts, each one interrupting the other, he has no idea how to start talking, hell he’s not even sure if you’re going to wait for him or not. He couldn’t fight the smile that’s slowly creeping on his face, it doesn’t go unnoticed by the copilot, he even smirks before asking Namjoon. “Is that your wife?”

The question robs the smile away from Namjoon’s face, and he finds himself cringing. “No.”

She could never live up to you, no offense to her. But she doesn’t put any effort in the way she looks, she never cared, in fact Namjoon doesn’t recall the last time he saw her styling her hair or putting on makeup. She’s unemployed since she’s taking care of Jay most of the time, but Namjoon opened a bank account for her so she can do whatever she wants or even buy something for herself. But she never did.

And you, gosh he doesn’t even know where to start. You’re just you.

The second you stepped foot on the plane and he saw you, he felt his stomach twist and his heart skipped a beat, he could feel a hint of tightness in his boxers as his body starts pumping blood everywhere. He really is happy to see you.

Meanwhile you’re in your seat less than an hour later as the flight attendants take their seats to prepare for landing, and you may seem biased when you admit that this was the smoothest landing ever. Namjoon must be really good.

People almost immediately rise from their seats to claim their luggage from the overhead bin, you grab your phone and turn off airplane mode, you’re welcomed to Ilsan with a few text messages from your mobile network, the moment you clear this notification you lift your face up to see the passengers beginning to exit the aircraft, and you spot Namjoon standing with the flight attendants and saying goodbye to the passengers one by one with a soft smile with his stupid dimple showing.

His eyes pierce to you between each passenger and he’s glad you actually stayed, he grabs his carryon from the bin above his head and puts it down on the floor before nodding to you.

You take it as a sign to get up and you do, throwing your bag over your shoulders and lowering your sunglasses down to cover your eyes, you walk towards him and you feel your body heat up the second he puts his hand on your lower back. “How was your flight?”

You look at him and roll your eyes at how cocky he’s getting and he lets out a soft laugh. “I’m just messing with you.” This motherfucker.

“What brings you to Ilsan?” He starts talking as you’re walking down the stairs of the plane, and you take a second to give him a blurry answer. “I’m here for work.”

“Work?” He asks as both of you make it inside the bus that’s driving you to the airport gate.

You look around the bus and it’s packed with people and there isn’t a single seat empty, you lean your back against the window near the door and you try finding a hand grip to hold onto, Namjoon leans both his palms behind you and nods. “Hold onto me, it’s okay.”

The smell of his cologne mixed with cigarettes wafts through your nose, you’re sandwiched between him and the window, and you’re surrounded by so many people that it’s physically impossible to push him. You look into his eyes to see him staring at your lips, your eyes wander lower to his neck to see his necklace.

It’s the necklace you saw on his neck the morning he left your place.

Your fingertips move towards his neck before you fish out the necklace from underneath the buttoned shirt. The look on your face makes his heart shatter, and even his heart melts when you breathed. “That’s your son.”

He looks down to your fingers and he touches the small necklace too, making both your fingertips touch, you feel his touch in a form of electric current and you lower your hand immediately. “That’s my son.” He whispers.

You study his face for a long second.

Despite the fact that he cheated and what he did was wrong on so many levels, he looks like he totally regrets it, and he seems like he genuinely wants to make things right with you. You’re ready to hear him out.

“Alright.” You sigh and he smiles softly, tugging softly on the loose strand of your hair behind your ear.

The bus starts moving and you immediately hold onto his wrist for support, his smile goes wider before he grabs your hand into his, intertwining his fingers between yours which settles this weird feeling down in the pit of your stomach. What in hell is going on?

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He takes a step closer to you, the smell of his cologne getting stronger and chest barely brushing against yours. You remind yourself that this man lied to you once and you can’t just let him off the hook this easy.

It’s a five minute ride to the airport and it felt like five hours to you, you’re getting worried at how your body is reacting around this man.

You finally get to the airport and finish all your paperwork, he fishes out a pair of car keys and leads you to the parking lot.

“You’re renting?” You question him while buckling up and he shakes his head. “It’s my sister’s car.”

“Ah yes, you’re from Ilsan.” You remember that he told you this before and he nods, you lean down to take off your sneakers and socks off, you switch to the pair of heels you have in your bag, you can feel his eyes on you so you turn to look at him. “What?”

“Where are we going?” He asks, you show him the exact location that the conference was held in and he nods and starts driving, he doesn’t even bother opening maps or anything, he knows every alley in Ilsan. “How long are you staying here?”

“Namjoon, you’re the one who’s supposed to be talking.” You sounded too mean and he starts feeling pressured, his breath becoming slowly irregular. “Fine, fine.”

You look at him while he’s driving, he’s forming small sweat pebbles on his forehead and his grip around the steering wheel gets tighter. “I’m sorry.”

You’re fed up with how hesitant and scared he seems. “Yeah, I know, and?”

“I uhm.. I should have.. told you since day one.” He clears his throat. “What I did was really wrong and unfair to you.”

Your hand sits on your chest when you exclaim. “To me? You’re married, you should feel sorry for your wife.”

A frown sits on his face and he feels his blood pressure elevating by the second, he gets really irritated at the mention of her. “No, y/n, you don’t know anything.” You frown. “Enlighten me.”

He rubs his face and his jaw tenses, he opens his mouth to start talking, but he shakes his head instead and looks through the window. “For fucks sake Namjoon.” Your voice starts getting louder, he slams the steering wheel and finally bursts. “I’m miserable, okay?” He’s louder than you are.

“I’m fucking miserable, I’m not happy, and I’m lonely.” His chest heaves up, he runs his fingers through his hair before continuing. “My life is a fucking nightmare, y/n.”

You feel your heart clenching when his voice starts getting shaky. “It’s killing me.”

This man lied to you once and you don’t feel like you can trust him again, for all you know, he could be lying to you again. You’re unsure if the reasons he listed earlier are valid enough for him to cheat on his wife.

“I feel like shit for doing you wrong.” He stops the car on the side of the road and looks at you. “You have the right to be mad at me, I know I’m a terrible person.”

And right off the top of your head you ask him. “Is she not good to you?” Your voice comes out in a form of a whisper. He scoffs and shakes his head before looking down. “I’ve known her for years, but she still feels like a stranger..:”

You lose it when you see tears forming in his eyes. “We painted this fake image of us holding hands in front of people and smiling just so they think that we’re happy, but we’re not even an inch close to happy. I tried so hard to compromise but I got nothing in return, it was always me who has to work hard for this marriage and I got nothing. I thought that life just goes on and maybe that’s what all married couple are like, but no. I’ve made so many wrong decisions in my life but she was the worst ever.” His tears finally roll down on his cheek and he just sobs, gravity does its job and his tears fall onto his lap.

You’ve never seen a man this weak and vulnerable, you feel your heart squeezing at his state, he looked so firm and happy on the outside, he looked stable, but he was able to conceal it all very well, that must’ve drained him through those years.

You unbuckle your seatbelt and sit on your knees, you grab his head into your hands and brush his tears with your thumb softly before hugging him closer to you, he wraps his arms around you and speaks. “Imagine being silenced for years.” He pulls back, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’ve been through this nightmare for three fucking years and I couldn’t say a word to anyone about how fucking miserable I am.”

“Shh. It’s okay.” You whisper, cupping his jaw in your hands and tracing it with your thumb, you brush your nose against his and close your eyes. “I’m here.”

He grips onto your top with his fist and pulls back, “What?”

You feel the need to help him escape this, the man is clearly going through severe depression and he’s emotionally deprived from any act of affection or love. It’s not like you’re offering to love him, but you need to help him get back on his feet.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” You smile softly at him and offer him your hand, he locks his eyes into yours and grabs your hand pulling it closer to his face, he leans his head onto it and kisses it softly.

“Thank you.” He whispers while mirroring your smile. You giggle and adjust your seat. “We have to get back on the road Namjoon.”

He nods and turns the car back on before hitting the road again, you felt the need to explain to him the reason you’re in Ilsan and he ends up offering to attend the conference with you, actually no, he insisted on attending.

He parks in front of the building and both of you exit the car, he opens his carry on and manages to change just his top before entering the main hall.

“Miss y/l/n.” The head of the medical association approaches you while reaching his hand out to you, you shake his hand firmly and smile. “Lovely to see you Mr. Baek.”

“I’m so glad you got to be a speaker this year.” He smiles back, his eyes spotting Namjoon behind you, you pull back and put your hand behind Namjoon’s back, pushing him closer to you. “Let me introduce you, this is my friend Namjoon.”

“Nice to meet you.” Namjoon shakes his hand firmly before the old man speaks to you. “It’s lovely for you to have support, we’re all so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” You smile before hooking your arm around Namjoon’s. “Pardon us.”

Even when you just introduced Namjoon as your friend, he’s not used to being touched like that in public because he was never touched like that in the first place.

Speaking in front of a huge crowd was never a big deal for you, your lecture was interesting to begin with and your powerful personality made a strong presence on stage, you almost forgot that Namjoon was between the crowd watching you with his jaw slightly open.

The second you stepped on that stage he felt… Euphoric.

He listens to every single word that comes out of your lips attentively even when you’re using complicated medical terms, he scans your body language and your hand movements and he swears he hasn’t been this impressed by a woman before.

He’s proud of you.

You’re the woman he’s always imagined having in his dreams, he was quite the ambitious person himself and he had so many goals he wanted to achieve but his personal life always stood in the way.

He finds himself charged when he’s around you and not only sexually, he’s suddenly in a better mood and his brain and body function better, he finds himself way less anxious than when he’s around his family, although he should feel this way around his son too, but your aura is totally different.

His heart skips a beat again when your eyes meet in the middle of your lecture and you smile softly at him as if he’s the one who needs support. He finds your smile contagious and he gives you one back with a soft nod, he’s really proud of you.

You finally end your lecture and they applaud you, you know you did great. You bow your head and get off the stage to be welcomed by a few colleagues who shake your hand and make small talk with you about how good your lecture and where your sources were from, they even ask you a couple questions about your topic.

You got offered two jobs on the spot in two different hospitals around the republic but you were kind enough to refuse, the hospital you currently worked at is the hospital that helped you get where you currently are.

You thank them and make your way back to your chair, Namjoon gets up on his feet and grabs your hand into his. “You were great.”

“I know, thank you.” You grin when he pulls you closer for a soft kiss on your cheek, he pulls your chair back for you to sit next to him, and both of you sit back to listen for the rest of the conference.

It’s a couple hours later, Namjoon is driving you back to the airport while you’re on your phone texting your friends on your group chat, they had planned a dinner to celebrate you tonight, so Taehyung was supposed to pick you up from the airport since he already lives close to it.

“Can’t you please stay for tonight?” He manages to turn his head towards you for a split second while he’s driving, you lock your phone and put it down before you speak. “I’m supposed to meet my friends for dinner and I’m on call tomorrow morning.”

His shoulders sulk in disappointment and a sigh escapes his nose, his eyes are now focused on the road and it’s clearly showing that he wants to be around you more, which kicks your ego up to the top.

At the same time he doesn’t argue and he doesn’t insist, he just wants to give you your own space so he won’t pressure you, you chuckle before running your fingers to the back of his head, scratching his scalp with your nails. “You know I can see you back in Seoul.”

You know your hand drives him crazy and you could care less If you crash, you want to leave him edged and thirsty for more and you like it. His eyelids starts to feel heavy and he fights it so hard to stay focused on the road. “It’s just that..” He breathes, your fingers move down to scratch his neck, he swallows before he proceeds. “.. I wanted us to be alone and away together.”

You take a long breath before you retrieve your hand back onto your lap, you’re not going to give him what he wanted immediately. You did offer your help but you didn’t forget about the terrible lie he played on you. So he deserves to be denied for the mean time. “If that’s your way of inviting me to bed than save it.” You smirk. He lets out a quiet laugh and stretches his hand to sit on your inner thigh, his fingers squeezing your covered flesh softly and stroking it, “Fine, I deserve to be punished after all.” He bites on his lip.

“Good boy. I’m glad you’re aware of that.” You managed to play the role of the tough cookie but you can’t deny that his touch is doing wonders to you, the warmth of his hand against your covered skin and his soft strokes gives you flashbacks of that night you spent together, and the other nights where you made him cum just by hearing your voice.

You finally get to the airport and he turns off the car in the parking lot, he looks at you while unbuckling his belt. “Are you sure you don’t have the time?”

“The gate is already open Namjoon.” You look at the time on your wrist, you unbuckle your seat belt and fish out your documents from the bag. “Thank you for keeping me company.”

“I’ll see you back in Seoul?” He coaxed, you giggle and take your time to answer with a slow nod. “I’ll see you back in Seoul.”

He leans in and you think he’s going to kiss you on the cheek, but he moves further down to brush the tip of his nose against the pulse of your neck, he takes a long inhale through his nose, collecting whatever he can of your smell which arouses him, he closes his eyes and whispers. “I can’t say it enough, but I’m truly sorry.”

You clear your throat before you move your hand up to his jaw and caress it with your thumb. “I know you are.”

He keeps his face buried in your neck for a couple seconds before he pulls back and locks his eyes with yours, you see the face you saw earlier this morning, apologetic and full with regret.

“I have to go.” Your faces are extremely close that he feels your hot breath hit his glistening lips, he nods and fully pulls back to collect his phone and keys. “Come on, let me walk you inside.”

“I don’t know if we say this enough y/n, but we’re totally proud of you. We’re always there for you and we’ve got your back, we truly love you.” Taehyung lifts his glass of champagne up on the air before all you clink your glasses together. “To y/n.”

You sip some of your drink and put it down before Yoongi starts. “So how was your trip?”

“It was quite chill, it’s my first time on a business class, other than that everything went great, I also got a few job offers.” You slowly nod your head. Yoongi sips more of his drink and lifts up an eyebrow. “I heard some stuff from Jungkook.”

You snap your head towards the youngest who’s totally avoiding eye contact with you, his face flushing at the sudden mention of his name.

After all, what were you expecting? Seokjin told Hoseok, and Hoseok spoke in front of Jungkook, and now Yoongi is discussing this around the table where not only your friends are sitting, but also a couple of their partners.

And by the looks of it, his wife already know since she’s studying your face and waiting for confirmation.

Do they just go around talking to each other about you? Your hookup with Namjoon will haunt you for the rest of your life.

“Yeah it’s true.” You spit out, “Namjoon’s married?” Jimin asks and your eyes almost fall out from their sockets, as far as you remember, he knows you hooked up with someone, but not with Namjoon specifically.

“He’s married?” Taehyung dramatically drops his fork which makes you roll your eyes. “I actually saw him in Ilsan.”

Your statement was followed by a complete silence around the table, you feel everyone’s eyes on you as they’re waiting for you to elaborate, you clear your throat and open your mouth. “Relax, we didn’t go together, he was flying that plane.”

You realize that they still don’t know what he does when they look at you like you said something in a foreign language that they don’t understand. Hoseok turns his body fully towards you. “Flying the plane? Like fly fly?” He blinks repeatedly.

“He’s an aircraft pilot.” You take a sip from your champagne and you clearly see Mia and Jade, Taehyung’s girlfriend, swoon over the man, you nod with a smirk. “I know right?”

“And did you talk?” Seokjin hesitates, leaning his elbows on the table and closer towards you so he can hear you better. You nod. “Mhm. He apologized and I guess we’re okay now.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to see him again.” Taehyung whines. “You can’t be the mistress.”

Taehyung’s words woke some sense in you and you actually admit that you cannot be the mistress. You scold yourself because you shouldn’t have let him off the hook that easily and offer him closeness immediately.

You jump in your seat when your phone buzzes and speaking of the devil, it’s him.

“Call me when you’re home.”

“I miss hearing ur voice.”

A knot sits between your eyebrows and you actually leave him on read. You are not going to reply to him and that’s it. You lock your phone and put it back in your purse. “I’m not going to be the mistress.” You firmly say, and you cross your arms above your chest.

It’s later in the night, you had already finished your dinner with your friends that night and headed back home, you showered and put on a face mask, and went to bed really early since you’re on call in the morning.

A little past midnight, your phone vibrates repeatedly and you think it’s work because they usually call for consult during the night when you’re at home. But it’s Namjoon again.

“can I call you?”

“I’m at the hotel room”

“I’m flying back to seoul in the morning”

“I’m so glad I got to see you today”

Your fingers hover above the screen and you purse your lips, debating whether you should answer or not, but again Taehyung’s words echo in your head, which makes you quickly turn off the wifi when you see him typing, you lock your phone and put it on your nightstand.

Oh so you’re going to ghost him now?

You don’t hesitate for a second, you fall back asleep in a snap of a finger.

Meanwhile, Namjoon is freshly out of the shower, his hair dropping small pebbles of water on his neck and back, his phone is in his hand and he’s getting concerned of the fact that you’re not replying to his texts.

He actually saw it coming, and he knows you’re not going to reply to his texts or ghost him for some time, of course he’s not going to pressure you to answer, so he just puts his phone down and lies down flat on his bed. He knows he deserves the punishment.

He’s in Ilsan but he doesn’t always stay at his parents. Since he’s there partially for work, the aviation he works at provides him a room at the airport hotel, so he just stays there before he flies back to the capital.

To say you wake up cranky the next day is an understatement, your period started today and your tummy and back are killing you, and your headache is getting stronger by the second.

Hoseok who decided on picking you up to and from work today has been blabbering since you stepped foot in the car and you’re waiting for him to stop talking.

“Men actually love it when women are mean with them, don’t over think stuff with that man, I remember once I hooked up with a girl and I was planning on not calling her the next day, she wasn’t that special and she wasn’t really worth the shot, but I swear the minute she started being mean with me I liked her a lot better.” He even laughs and your face falls inside your palm, you could beg him to shut up.

“When she started being nice to me I got the ick and totally blocker her number, it’s just how the world works you know, and I’m not-“

“Hobi please.” You snap. “Shh.”

And the man sulks with a pout on his face, you’re not even sorry, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and your body isn’t giving you a break. You could’ve called for a day off but no one wanted to switch shifts with you.

The moment you step foot into the department, the nurses actually give you a few meds to help you go through your shift, it was hectic that day.

You grab your phone a few hours later and finally turn back on the wifi, Namjoon sent one text early in the morning, which is probably right before he headed to work.

“i hope ur okay, take care.”

Your fingers hover over the screen and you decide on messaging him back even when you don’t want to.

“fly safe J”

Your heart beats faster when he reads the message seconds later, you’re about to lock your phone but he’s calling you, and you can’t just ignore his call when you just texted him.

You wait a couple seconds later and finally answer him. “Kim Namjoon.”

He lets out a low grunt before laughing, you can’t see him, but he’s in bed stretching, he’s sleeping on his right side with his phone under his ear, his eyes immediately shut close when he hears his name. “Good morning.” His voice deep and sleepy, also low so he cannot be heard.

Fuck, he’s not helping you keeping your hands to yourself when he does that.

“Did you miss your flight or what?” You grab your white coat and make your way out of the emergency department to take your call. He breathes into his phone and speaks. “No, my flight was early in the morning, I’m in Seoul now.”

You can’t help but ask, even when you really know that it’s inappropriate and really none of your business, you even stutter. “Is she there?” And it comes out as a whisper. You’re really asking him about his wife.

It takes him a few seconds to process the question, uncertain whether he should actually answer the truth or not. Because she’s home and in the next room, if he was an octave louder he would be heard.

Although he did promise himself that he won’t lie to you, so he answers. “Yes.”

Your heart clenches and no matter how hard you think you’re going to accept it, it’s just really hard to digest.

You clear your throat and bite on your nails, and as if he can see you, he laughs quietly and whispers back. “I wanted to say this to you face to face, but you have to know, whether you showed up in my life or not, I would’ve gotten the divorce any way, so don’t worry.”

Namjoon never knew what it felt like to be taken care of or shown love, and neither did you, you’ve never been in an exclusive relationship with anyone before. Of course you’re loved by your family and friends, but someone actually offering you affection and care who is neither a family nor a friend feels weirdly good.

It’s like the missing piece in your life that you just realized you needed.

But still it feels concerning when Namjoon talks about you like that, and you actually spit it out to seek for an answer so you won’t have to overthink it. “Come on Joon, it was just a one time hookup, why are you talking like it’s more than that.” You even fake a laugh to make it sound nicer than you truly mean.

And he just blurts it out. “Because it is more than just a hook up,” And he can sense that your tension over the phone is increasing, you realize you’ve been holding your breath for a second before he speaks with an audible smirk on his lips. “Come on y/n, we both know it’s more than just a hook up.”

It slightly irritates you at how smug he sounds, you scoff before speaking. “Wow you surely sound confidant about that. I hate to break it to you, but really, it’s not true.”

“Okay.” He’s totally not convinced, you hear him muffling under the blanket in his bed. “I’ve been thinking about you the entire night.”

Now it’s your turn to make his life a little harder. “And did you make yourself cum?” He takes a long breath before he hums. “I made myself cum when I imagined the way I wanted to please you, y/n.”

You’re ashamed at the way your body reacts, even when you’re on your period, your body acts upon his words and your face flushes, you press your thighs together to ease the increasing heat between your legs.

What he just said suddenly filled a certain void inside you that you never knew existed, you’ve always wanted a man seek after your own pleasure.

Even when you absolutely enjoy the dirty talk, and even when it makes your cunt tingle, you still manage to ask him. “Hm, so I guess you called just to ease your morning wood?”

You doubt the fact that this man thinks before he talks, he sounds so convincing and genuine when he replies so fast. “Just so you know, I don’t just see you in that way.”

Of course you’re going to doubt that, but he’s is in fact serious, he does think you’re insanely attractive and really good in bed that it makes him sometimes wonder how you’re still single, but on the other hand, he finds your job and your lifestyle very interesting and attractive, it’s been a month since you guys first met at the club, he thinks he knows enough to really fancy you, but when he attended your lecture and saw how successful you are at what you do, it made him see a totally different version of you.

“Whatever Namjoon, I need to hang up.” You sit up from the bench, he doesn’t hesitate when he asks. “Do you have any plans for tonight?”

You actually have nothing planned for tonight, but you know you’re going to be kicked in the ass from your current shift and you’re also on your period. “Maybe.”

You can hear him stretching, he lets out a low grunt before he speaks again “I feel the need to take you somewhere, that’s if you don’t mind of course.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “Somwhere?”

“I know a wine tasting tour held today, it’s on the outskirts though and there’s a huge farm there and it’s the harvest season, so we can actually go and check out the entire process, If you want to of course.” He seems excited when he’s speaking, still making sure he isn’t heard by the other two living under his roof.

You’re intrigued, your mind wants to say yes so badly, but your body is barely holding on for work. “I can’t today, I’m not feeling well.”

He shifts in his bed before he sits up. “Oh no, are you okay?” His voice coming out so soft and sweet, you try to stifle a grin but you can’t, and he actually hears it through the phone when you speak. “Oh my back hurts, that’s all.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

Screw you Kim Taehyung for saying those words, they still echo in your head and for a split second you shrug it off, fuck it, your body is aching for Namjoon and you’re a little ashamed to admit it.

“Yeah, I mean-“ You bite hard on your poor lower lip before you realize that even if he showed up, there’s nothing to do when it’s your time of the month. “Sure, come over.”

Namjoon finally leaves his room after he finished his call with you, Jay was crying his lungs out and he was on the floor throwing a tantrum, and his wife is nowhere to be seen.

“Daddy.” Jay stretches his arms up when he sees his father which makes Namjoon’s heart melt, he kneels down and holds his son closer to his chest, rubbing the back of his head softly. “Daddy’s here, what’s the matter?” He kisses his forehead softly. “Why are you crying?”

“Mommy won’t give me my ice cream.” He cries even louder and his father barely understands a word. Finally she gets out of the kitchen and starts picking up the little toys from the floor, “Jay how many times did I tell you, crying will not get you the ice cream.”

And the little toddler’s crying is loud and he starts kicking his legs, Namjoon holds him closer and smothers his tiny faces with kisses. “Shh, it’s okay.”

He turns to shoot a glare at the demon picking up the toys, he actually feels nauseated when she’s around, and ever since he met you, he just can’t look at her, so he forces himself at the second. “Why won’t you give him his ice cream?”

Jay is Namjoon’s only point of weakness, he cannot stand seeing him want something or crave something without getting him whatever he wants, he’d give him the world if he asked and he’s willing to sacrifice anything for him, that all makes Jay adore his daddy.

“He didn’t finish his bowl of cereal and he even spilled it.” She throws the bag of toys down in the corner of the room, “No ice cream and no toys for the whole day.”

“He’s a baby, playing is all he’s got to do, you can’t just punish him like that.” Namjoon sternly speaks before standing up, still carrying his child.

“But daddy, I was too full and I said sorry.” Jay hugs his daddy tighter while wiping his own tears, “No you’re not going to get anything before you have your breakfast.” She approaches the little one and grabs him, Jay cries loud again and holds onto his father for dear life.

It aches Namjoon’s heart when he sees his child like that, he turns away and uses his palm to gently stop his wife from approaching them again. “Let me deal with this, he’s my child too.” He frowns before he goes to Jay’s bedroom and puts him down on his bed, he kneels down and cups his cheeks. “It’s okay baby, mommy wasn’t wrong, you can’t have your ice cream before breakfast,”

“But the bowl was too big, I’m full.” Jay rubs his eyes, his crying finally coming to an end, but the child is still sad. “Hmm, don’t you wanna be tall and big like daddy?” Namjoon pokes his son’s nose softly, “It’s okay you don’t have to finish your breakfast today, but I’ll tell you a secret,” He even whispers and inches closer to his son, a smile already starting to creep on Jay’s face when he’s enjoying the tiniest interaction with his father.

“We’ll go get you ice cream, but we cannot tell mommy, she’s not invited to our ice cream party.” And Jay looks at his father and it breaks Namjoon’s heart to see his son broken and crying over some stupid ice cream.

“Who were you talking to earlier?” She asks and gain’s his attention, she standing near the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest, he looks at her and wonders for a second when was the last time this woman showered?

He turns to his son’s closet and picks out a pair of sneakers. “Let’s get you dressed.”

“Who were you talking to?” Her voice gets louder and Namjoon doesn’t even flinch, he’s used to her being crazy and asking useless questions, he gets back on his knees and helps his son with his shoes. “Why do you care?” He asks, not looking back at her again.

“Just so you know, your son has been crying the entire morning asking for you, and he didn’t finish eat breakfast because you were too busy being on your phone.” She’s blabbering and even her son ignores her and asks his father. “Can I bring mister broccoli with me?”

Mister broccoli was a stuffed toy that Namjoon got as a gift for Jay when he took his first flight ever with his father, the little one is extremely attached to this toy specifically and he wouldn’t let any of his cousins touch it.

Namjoon nods eagrly. “Go get him.”

Jay runs back to the living room and Namjoon rolls his eyes before he looks at his wife one last time. “I would appreciate it if you try and not pick an argument in front of him.” He cannot stand this woman.

She scoffs, “At least try and be a good father, try and be there for your son. He cried all night.”

Namjoon hates being called a bad parent, he isn’t. He finds himself gritting on his teeth and his heartbeat pounds faster in his chest. “Oh trust me, I’m a better parent than you are.”

Jay’s presence back in the room that eases Namjoon down immediately, even though he guaranteed divorce, but still he has to contain himself in front of his son, last week’s incident was a tough lesson for him.

“Daddy can I put mister broccoli in the back seat with me? I also want him to wear the seat belt.” Jay’s playful tone makes Namjoon mouth twitch in a smile, he nods and prints small soft kisses all over his son’s face. “I’ll let you put the seat belt for him, deal?”

Namjoon’s been flying nonstop and he’s very tired and he needs to catch some sleep to make it up for the nights he stayed up at work, he’s very exhausted but he can never say no to his son.

He grabs Jay’s tiny hands and leaves the place, leaving the woman behind him fuming. They get down to the car and Namjoon even gives Jay the key to unlock the car, and the little one is staring at his father with heart eyes, he always tried his best to give him anything he wishes for.

Namjoon opens the back door and puts mister broccoli next to the car seat, he teaches his son how to buckle the seat belt and Jay ends up doing it on his own, Namjoon gets this cute aggression around his son that he grabs his face tightly and sucks his cheek into a kiss. He can do it forever.

He finally helps Jay get into his car seat and buckles him up, before they head to their ice cream date.

Your shift is finally over by the afternoon, you hand over everything to the team on the next shift and you call a cab home, you were near breaking down and balling your eyes out, nothing major really, you’re just hormonal and tired.

Hoseok was supposed to drive you back home but you instantly regret it when he calls you from the court and says that he needs an hour to be there because something was scheduled urgently today.

You get home and take your clothes off, instant relief when you ditch the fabric off of your skin on a hot summery day, you change into your pajamas and head to the kitchen to turn on the kettle for tea, you don’t usually get that big of an appetite when you’re on your period so food is the last thing you consider making, your doorbell rings and you head to check the cameras, it’s the man you told to come over, the man you’ve been waiting for.

You unlock the door and a warm breeze of air immediately wafts through the entrance carrying the smell of his musky perfume, “Hey, Come in.” You tilt your head inviting him to come on in inside, and the second he steps foot inside your house he inhales, the smell feels nostalgic to him even when he’s been here only once.

Your place has this distinctive smell, it smells clean and fresh, a hint of fruitiness to it, your diffuser is always on so it always smells good, and Namjoon has picked up the hint of the floral scent you spray your furniture with, and also picked up your smell. Your odor is engraved into his head and he can smell it even when it’s layers away or even miles away, he finds it arousing.

He enters the house and hands you a small grocery bag that’s been sitting in his hands. “Are you okay? You look tired.” He steps closer to you and tugs your hair behind your ear.

“I’m fine, what’s that?” You open the bag to check out what’s inside, your heart melts when you see that he actually put in the effort to buy you pain killers, a heating pad and chocolates, even when you already have every item in your household. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” A genuine smile creeps on your face and he smiles back at you before pinching your cheek softly, you inch closer to him and give him a soft peck on his dimple that leaves him blushing, but hardly noticeable though.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” He takes off his shoes and you see him walking inside, again even when he’s been here once, he knows this place like the back of his hand, you know that he’s comfortable around you even when the two of you haven’t known each other for long, he feels familiar and he feels close.

You walk into your bedroom and he follows you, he takes a quick scan at your room and he can tell that you’ve been in bed and you’re planning to spend the rest of your day in bed even when he’s here, nothing sexual planned at all though.

“Do you want me to help you with the heating pad?” He’s standing so close behind you that you feel his breath his your neck, you swallow and exhale with a shiver running through your spine, you nod softly and fish out the heating pad from the bag, “On my back please.”

“Okay.” He softly speaks before going down on both of his knees, you grab your top and pull it up for him to have better access, and he opens the wrapper and takes the pad out, he prints the softest kiss on your lower back right by the end of your tatted spine before he sticks the pad onto it and pulls your top back down. “There you go.”

You could swear he kissed your pain away, or it’s probably the endorphin rushing through your entire body when you saw him at your doorstep.

“Make yourself at home, I need to make tea first.” You’re about to turn but his hands sit on your hips, putting a soft amount of pressure, he presses his lips against your shoulder for a little kiss and whispers. “It’s okay, get in bed, I’ll make you tea.” He even kisses the same spot again before heading to the kitchen.

What is he doing to you?

You get to take a quick glance of his back when he’s leaving the room and you feel your face heat up, your hand sits on your cheek and you try to ease your quickening breath, you never felt this way towards anyone and it feels different, your stomach is pinching you and you’re unsure if it’s the cramps or what?

You’re worried for a second, you don’t know if he’s doing this because he wants to, or because he’s trying to get you into bed again? You know he’s in a miserable marriage so he might just do everything because there’s a benefit for him.

You make your way to your bed and you hear his footsteps coming closer and your heart races again at his aura, he enters the room with a cup of tea in one hand, and the box of pain killers in the other one, he approaches your side of the bed and rests the cup onto the nightstand before handing you a pill from the box, you look at him in the face and you tilt your head, his eyes lift up and lock into yours.

For a long moment both of you are studying each other.

You were never able to find out people’s intentions right away, you are very smart and really wit, you sometimes make assumptions that turn out to be true just out of coincidence. But Kim Namjoon was too difficult to read, well at least to you.

Or maybe he is easy to read, but after you found out that he masked his misery and his years long marriage, it became difficult for you to really find out what were his intentions. You appreciate what he’s trying to do, but you don’t know why he’s doing it.

You actually consider introducing him to your friends just because they know how men think and what are their real intentions, Taehyung can easily judge people and he was never wrong.

As for him.

His eyes travel between yours, then move down to your nose and lips, up to the loose strand of your hair that’s tickling your jaw, he feels drawn to you in ways he cannot explain, and if he wants to reflect on the overall situation, he easily admits that he changed after he met you, you changed him, he’s a better version of himself when he’s around you, he’s looking at you and memorizing every single detail on your face, you’re not like her, you’re not like any of them women.

Actually it’s way easier than you think, Namjoon was too easy to read, if you just stop the over thinking for a second and see the way he stares at you, you could easily tell that the man is developing something for you, let’s just call it a crush for the mean time, you don’t know the effect you have on this man.

“Thank you.” You grab the pill into your mouth and chase it with water before pulling the blanket over your body, he stands up and takes his shirt off, after all, it was really warm that day.

And goodness you forgot how big this man is, you immediately look away because you know your body gets way too excited at the thought of Namjoon naked. And you also hate to admit it, but your sex drive is usually on fire on your first day of your period.

“You can sleep if you want to, I’m here if you needed anything.” He walks to the other side of the bed and lies down next to you.

You simply nod, maybe he was right when he told you this morning that this is more than just a hookup.

Minutes later, you close your eyes but you’re not asleep, he probably thinks you are, but you can’t, you open one eye and look at him, he’s lying on his back with one arm behind his head and his phone in the other hand, he’s reading something, clearly a book. His eyelids feel heavy and he puts down the phone on the night stand next to him before he adjusts in bed and falls asleep while hugging a pillow.

And suddenly you feel this flood of emotions wash through your entire body, and you feel bad for the man, a smart good looking sensitive man whose desperate to feel loved and touched after all these years, he’s practically a virgin even when he isn’t.

You huff and hide your face under the blanket, you cannot believe that you actually validate his reasons and give him the right to cheat, you even start thinking that him cheating should be worth it.

He’s a human being with feelings, and you feel like you can offer him some of his needs.

You crawl closer and pull the blanket over his body, you even grab the pillow away from him and hold onto his wrist to and put it around your waist, he’s not in deep sleep yet, so he opens his eyes for a second and processes the fact that you’re going to sleep in his arms, he tightens the grip around and pulls you even closer to him whilst whispering in your ear. “Do you want me to get you anything? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” You bury your face into his neck and both of you fall asleep in a click of a button.

It’s almost like both of you felt safe enough to go into deep sleep when you’re around each other.

You don’t know yet, or maybe you do but won’t admit, but you’re developing something for him too.

261 notes · View notes

sophieinwonderland · 9 months

Text

Now, why would you dare me to embarrass you and your pals like that?

I appreciate how you wanted my attention so bad you posted me to not one, but two subreddits.

Makes a girl feel special! 🤣

I have actually never seen Wikipedia cited as a source about endogenic plurality. Though I do see anti-endos all the time, when asked for sources, telling people to just Google things.

Anyway, here's @guardianssystem's document filled with academic papers about endogenic plurality:

I've compiled my own, but honestly, theirs is better organized than mine.

And in the interest of fairness, here are all the anti-endo papers debunking endogenic plurality:

Sorry, I forgot. Those don't exist. Oops. 🤷‍♀️

Echo chamber? LOL!

Weren't you the one spouting a bunch of lies on Tumblr, got totally debunked, posted the people who debunked you to r/systemscringe to have a hugbox where fakeclaimers could assure you how the people who contradicted you are all fakers, and then blocked everyone who disagreed with you?

Weren't you also the one who, when shown a quote from an expert in dissociative disorders who worked on the DSM-5 saying that a disorder isn't a disorder if it doesn't cause distress, argued that the people who defined what disorder are must be wrong about that definition?

You're a misinformation machine who can only find support when huddled in cringe subreddits. Don't try to talk about people in echo chambers.

Also, you know most of psychology is just... listening to people? That's how it's been as long as the field existed. DID (or MPD at the time) was a recognized disorder since long before the first brain scans were conducted on DID patients. It's saying something though when basically every single scientist who has ever researched endogenic plurality has said they believe it's a real thing, or that it could be. While absolutely zero academic papers have expressed that it's fake.

There is also an fMRI study into tulpa systems that's been in the works, but results have yet to be published.

Sure, if that's what you'd like me to call you, Crazy. 😊

Anyway, Crazy, you should know that just because you personally find something scary doesn't mean everyone will or that the thing is bad. Personal preferences are a thing.

In a study of tulpamancers though, most generally reported their lives becoming better after the practice.

78% reported improvements in their mental health, and 91% on overall life.

There are many out there who would jump at the chance to have someone there with them that knows them intimately, and to never have to be alone again.

If it's not for you, then so be it.

But it's certainly not something to be afraid of.

And maybe, for those who are willing to commit to the practice while America struggles with an epidemic of loneliness, it's something worth being open to.

This is actually pretty fair.

But that's now, and I'm looking at course of history and trends of plural acceptance.

300 years ago, any plural would be viewed as demon possessed and end up tortured or killed for their plurality.

70 years ago, all plurality was seen as a mental illness, and it was common to force plurals, as well as anyone else associated with mental illnesses, into asylums.

30 years ago, the first real plural communities were able to connect on the internet and form in small numbers.

8 years ago, the first studies into endogenic plurality started being conducted. 4 years ago, the ICD-11 acknowledged that you could have multiple distinct personality states without a disorder. 2023 marked the first, but certainly not the last, time a system used their system name as an author of an academic paper.

Recently, new plural resources have been designed and put into use. More servers than ever are using Pluralkit. And Simply Plural went from 100k users at the end of 2021 to 210k at the end of 2022.

Progress is happening far more rapidly than you realize. And you had best be ready for it.

BOO! 👻

Oh, hey, I just realized... this is literal pluralphobia!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

And yes, The Future is Plural! 😜

131 notes · View notes

funishment-time · 3 months

Text

🔵 Kodaka BlueSky Q&As: Misc DR & Multiple Characters

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: Please be advised! Translations of all Japanese answers derive from a combination of Google Translate and my manager's three-quarters-remembered Japanese. We've tried our best to work out what he's saying, but there will be mistakes here and there. Do not take this as gospel!

To avoid spreading too much misinfo, where we're completely boggled about an answer, we've decided not to even make an attempt. We'll still list the post, but mark it accordingly.

➡️ AN IMPORTANT NOTE FROM KODAKA BEFORE READING:

First of all, the questions answered here are not official. Everything that is official is what is said within the work. In contrast, this is simply what Kodaka, the creator, thinks, and it is not the correct answer. Use this as a starting point to enjoy the depth of each character, or to say, "That's not right!" and enjoy it with your own interpretation. I think of this as a way of communicating with the characters who live in fiction. This is important, so please spread the word.

💕 FEBRUARY 2024:

Q: Out of all the characters that have appeared so far, who is your favorite visually?

A: As a fan, Haruko from FLCL. Among my own creations...hmmm, Monokubs lol and Enoshima.

/////

Q: Sorry if this has already been said! I saw a tweet saying that Fukawa Toko's novel "Before the Scent of the Sea Disappears" was made into a short film by Kodaka Kazutaka! Is there anywhere I can see it?

A: I don't have it..! I have the data on my PC, but…lol

/////

Q: Are you interested in making games in the world of Ultimate Talent Development Plan? I would like to see all the characters together. (Sorry my Japanese is not very good. I am using a translator.)

A: It's too early to tell. I'll continue to make more and more characters.

/////

Q: I love Ultra Despair Girls, but it's sad that so few people are playing it 😢 Are there plans for a port or remake for the Switch?

A: It's an absolute masterpiece! I'm proud to say that it has the heaviest storyline I've ever written, and the friendship at the end will have you in tears. And it's also pretty fun to take down all the Monokumas in one fell swoop. The controls are a bit rough in some areas, so I'd like to tweak them and re-release it. But maybe that last possibility is impossible in today's world...

/////

Q: What is your favorite chapter in the Danganronpa series?

A: Hmm, Chapters 1 and 6 of 1, and Chapters 5 and 6 of 2. Maybe Chapters 1, 5 and 6 of 3.

/////

Q: I love Danganronpa Zero, and I'd like to ask if there were any particular things that you were thinking about when you were writing it.

A: At the time, it was my first novel in about five years, and although I said "I'll do it" lightly, I wasn't good at writing the narrative, and after pushing myself into scrapping it many times, I finally managed to get it done by writing the narrative from the protagonist's point of view.

/////

Q: I got hooked on the Danganronpa series when I was in elementary school and am now a working adult!! Danganronpa is my favorite work of all time! Of course I played Rain Code too!! I love how Shinigami-chan grows and becomes more human as the story progresses! I wonder if a sequel to Danganronpa is really possible...? I'm also waiting for a sequel to Rain Code I'll keep waiting until I die! I love you!

A: From elementary school to working adult…! Thanks to Danganronpa, you've become a fine adult! Neither sequel is impossible. I'd like to expand more, get results from other new works, and make myself more valuable, and do it when it's best for me.

/////

Q: Are there any characters that have a secret backstory in any of the Danganronpa works?

A: For the most part, there are still stories that we haven't talked about.

/////

Q: This may be a question that can't be answered (it may have been asked already), but in the bad ending of Danganronpa, Togami holds a portrait of Fukawa, and there is a child of Togami? Will the truth about that ever come to light?!

A: With the loss of Kirigiri, and the decision to live together within the school, everyone had a change of heart and decided to join hands. Fukawa stopped belittling herself, and Togami stopped being arrogant, and the two started dating, but the next day Fukawa died in an accident. She died after choking on a dumpling, and Togami was confused, believing it was a curse from Celes. As Asahina comforted the depressed boy, things just sort of happened and Togami's child was born. Asahina loves children, and decided that this was her mission and she would give birth to everyone's children. And since that was all there was to do in the boring school life, everyone did it a lot. After that, she gave birth to more than 10 children, and the school flourished.

NOTE: This is the worst thing I have ever read.

/////

Q: I can't help but wonder about the night that Asahina, Hagakure, Togami, and Fukawa spent in the gym in Chapter 5 of Danganronpa. What were they doing that night?

A: I think they were standing in the dark gymnasium, each at one of the four corners, going around tapping the shoulder of the next person in the corner...

/////

Q: The "motivation video" that appeared in V3 featured someone important to each character, but it wasn't revealed who was in the motivation video for the characters in the main story. Did you have a set idea in mind of "this character is this person", Mr. Kodaka? Some characters talk about family or special people in Free Time scenarios, but there are also some characters who don't talk about such things, so I'm curious.

A: I had it set at the time, but I've forgotten about it...

NOTE: ugh

/////

Q: What's your favorite romantic pairing in danganronpa?

A: Monomi and Monokuma.

/////

Q: I love the scene in Chapter 6 of the original Danganronpa where the mastermind and the scissors girl (I will not reveal her name for now) meet and politely greet each other. Mr. Kodaka, are there any funny or gag scenes from the Danganronpa series or Rain Code that you like?

A: There are heaps of gag scenes and funny scenes, but when I first saw Monokuma and Monomi's comedy routine in 2 with their lines incorporated, I felt something otherworldly that I'd never heard before. We record out of order, so after incorporating it with the game, I was surprised at how otherworldly it was.

/////

Q: I would like you to publish profiles of Danganronpa Zero characters! Please do so!

A: Let's ask Spikechun! Spikechun reserves all rights! Let's all protest and demand that these profiles be made public!

/////

Q: In the summary of the materials for Danganronpa 1, there was a detailed description of the non-killers' punishments, but I wonder if those will ever be made into a movie...? I've been dying to see it 🥲

A: It's not exactly a good idea to capture people dying on film…

/////

Q: Who is the most popular character in Danganronpa? I would be happy if you could tell me one male and one female!

A: My personal opinion is... For guys, it's Shinguji. There are girls who are attracted to weird guys like that. For girls, it's Iruma. There are boys who are attracted to weird girls like that.

NOTE: I believe this is IRL, not in-universe, as Kodaka later answers who has the most friends in-universe, and it's not Miu or Kork.

🍀 MARCH 2024:

Q: Excuse me for asking a question! Who is the strongest drinker among Munakata, Yukizome, and Sakakura? 🥹

A: It's probably Yukizome.

/////

Q: Among the BGM used in the original, 2, and V3, is there any that you particularly like, Mr. Kodaka? I absolutely love New World Order from the original, DANGANRONPA SUPER MIX from 2, and V3 Discussion - SCRUM - from V3!

A: The punishment music was created first, and it created a Danganronpa atmosphere, or rather a playful yet serious atmosphere, so it has a deeply cryptic vibe.

/////

Q: I bought Danganronpa again on Steam and had my ex-girlfriend play the whole series, and she got hooked. This may be mentioned in other media, but are there any characters who weren't meant to die but ended up dying?

A: While I was writing, some roles were switched, but I don't think there were many changes to the plot. I think it was Nidai and Kuzuryu who switched roles...

NOTE: His memory is correct. Beta designs show a Fuyuhiko-like character who was meant to the the team manager, and a mafia guy who was a big Nekomaru-ish dude.

/////

Q: In the Danganronpa series, you get underwear when your bond with a character reaches its maximum, but whose underwear do you like the most, Kodaka?

A: Personally, I'm not interested in underwear. They're dirty.

/////

Q: I know you didn't write or supervise Danganronpa S at all, Kodaka, but have you played it since its release? And if you did, were there any event conversations that you particularly liked?

A: [This is one where we're unsure what Kodaka's saying, but we're pretty sure he means he hasn't played it at all. Take that with a grain of salt, though.]

/////

Q: [A longer question, found here, that comes down to: "i'm curious how your writing with your world evolved in ways you may not have had planed..."]

A: The scenario changes a lot when I write it. It is live. Try writing it, move the characters around, and it keeps changing. Because the characters are alive.

/////

Q: Yamada and Celes seem to have been quite close during their school days, but how did they end up like that?

A: "I've gotten better at making royal milk tea."

NOTE: This is probably Hifumi talking.

🥬 APRIL 2024:

Q: Will you ever make a V3 animation? That could be so cool I’d love to see it so much.

A: That is a matter for Spike Chunsoft to decide.

/////

Q: Who is the character with the most friends in each of the Danganronpa games: the original, 2, and V3?

A: I guess Yamada, Koizumi, and Angie. I'm not sure if I can call Angie a friend, though.

/////

Q: Chabashira Tenko and I have the same birthday and blood type, so I'd like to know how a character's birthday and blood type are decided. I'm currently studying Japanese.

A: It's decided by fate.

/////

Q: Tired of answering questions about Danganronpa?

A: I'm not bored. I love Danganronpa. However, I may forget some things, so I don't want to answer carelessly.

🌺 MAY 2024:

Q: I think Harukawa-chan had romantic feelings for Momota-kun, but did Momota-kun see Harukawa-chan as a romantic interest? Or did he just see her as one of his "students," like Saihara-kun?

A: "I didn't realize it at the time, so I wasn't even conscious of it. If I had realized it sooner, things might have been different..."

NOTE: This is probably Kaito talking.

☀️ JUNE 2024:

Q: I feel like there weren't any characters in the original Danganronpa who were definitely able to cook, so who was cooking at breakfast and the like? I'd also like to know if there were any characters who could cook in the original!

A: I think they basically just used pre-cooked food, but I think Fujisaki and Yamada seem like they can cook.

/////

Q: How did you decide the seating order for the class trial?

A: Intentionally in random order so as not to create any patterns.

/////

Q: Are there any characters in 1, 2, and V3 who are not virgins? Sorry for the really vulgar question.

A: A rough estimate is a quarter.

/////

Q: Is it decided how old the characters in works such as Danganronpa and Raincode are? If so, how old are they?

A: Of course, Danganronpa is mostly in their teens. Raincode has a wide range, but even Yakou is in his 30s.

NOTE: This is kind-of hilarious, because I'm pretty sure it's canonically stated Yakou is actually in his late 20s...in something that Kodaka himself wrote. I'll have to go find evidence.

/////

Q: I'd like to know the recommended menu items at Hanamura Diner!

A: Fresh tonkatsu.

NOTE: Tonkatsu is a fried pork cutlet.

/////

Q: Were the Love Hotel scenes also supervised by Kodaka-san? When Ouma says that he doesn't care what Saihara does to him, is that what he says to make it possible for him to have anyone in that space under his control?

A: I did supervise it. But I left that to people who are good at that sort of thing and refrained from interfering too much, and I still refrain from doing so now.

/////

Q: Is there any trick to Tanaka Gundham's chuunibyou dialogue? I'm curious to know how you think of the unique expressions used by Saionji Hiyoko and Iruma Miu.

A: The insults come out super easily, but Tanaka's lines were thought out thoroughly, based on the light novels I've read, so it's exhausting.

NOTE: A "chuunibyou" is a kid, generally 12-13, who believes they have secret powers or a grand backstory. Gundham's a bit old to be a chuuni by Kodaka's own admission in the DR2 artbook, but that was apparently part of the charm (and why it was so difficult to write him). It's spiritual Naruto running.

🎇 JULY 2024:

Q: I'd like to know what underwear your favorite Danganronpa character wears, Kodaka-san.

A: Monomi's panties. Diapers.

NOTE: This is how rumors get started, Kaz...

/////

Q: Do Rain Code and Danganronpa take place in the same world? Do any of your games and works have a shared universe with another? Or are they all separate? 🤔 💭 I'm asking because I just had a dream about Rain Code today!

A: I won't make a clear statement. I am not sure what will happen in the future. Anyway, please spread the Rain Code around the world.

/////

Q: If Hope's Peak Academy had regular exams, who would have the best overall grades?

A: It would have to be Togami. Kirigiri has clear strengths and weaknesses and doesn't seem like she'd be good at things like art. However, when it comes to multiple choice questions, Komaeda who relies on luck is the strongest, Ouma steals the answers in advance, and Ki-Bo tries hard and is average, but is bad at calculations.

#danganronpa #kazutaka kodaka #kodaka's bsky Q&As

46 notes · View notes

queen-of-elves · 1 year

Text

Let's try again

Poe Dameron x fem!reader College AU

Summary: You thought college was a new fresh start, so seeing Poe Dameron again at a party completely wrecks your world.

A/N: Not proofread sorry, I am done with my college exams so I back to writing hehe

Words: over 6.2K

Warnings: cursing, some insecurities, daydreaming as a for of escape

Request are still open

Tags for this fanfic: @ahookedheroespureheart

This party was advertised as a private party, a surely small thing with just enough people you knew to talk to. Wrong, completely and utterly wrong. Beer, loud booming music and loads of people, would be a perfect description of a frat party.

Private party my ass, Jessica.

Jessica was the one to invite you, the two of you met at the start of the winter semester and hit it off instantly. Well, if instantly meant Jessica basically adopting you and becoming your support extrovert for social interactions. So when she told you, A small party and I will be basically attached to your hip, well, you to mine, but please don’t hide behind me the whole time. Live a little, girlie.

You truly didn’t expect this amount of overwhelming feelings, it was probably ‘cause you didn’t come prepared for all of this. Small number of people you knew from shared classes plus Jessie next to you? Social battery ready. Full house with red cups littering the hall just like the people invited? Halls and rooms full of strangers with loud music and not enough air to actually breathe? Yeah, not really ready. Not ready at ALL.

What you also weren’t ready for was Jessica ditching you at the sofa she stationed you at with the promise of not that much alcoholic beverage in your cup as last time. This sentence was actually met with you pointing a finger in her face and quick “Knew it!” exhaled before she sprinted away. Last time you made an absolute fool of yourself while drunk, not nonconsensually, Jessica told you it had alcohol in it, hoping you would relax a bit and you accepted. Relaxing a bit after a what Jessica called a bit of vodka, which was in your opinion loads of what you assumed was pure and concentrated methanol, resulted in you turning into an absolute beast, according to eyewitnesses, your classmates and of course rest of the party goers you don’t know telling you the next day. It also resulted in you waking up with the worst headache of your life, foul taste in your mouth and almost zero memory of the night before. Not exactly an experiment you wanted to be part of for the second time.

But the night got worse, of course it did go worse, if you drank it was bad and if you didn’t you got bored just like now. And bored always resulted in either sticking to Jessie’s back or hip and begging her to leave the lame party early or if she evaded your presence the moment you got bored it was on you to choose between waiting on her or leaving yourself. You never left by yourself. Yes, it was an option but a terrible one, unwanted and awkward and no one wants those. So, you stuck to the position, sitting on the cushion sofa in the middle of a living room in a frat house full of people with loud music blasting from speakers.

You can do it, people go on dangerous expeditions and always come back. Well, not always. Actually what is the percentage of dangerous expeditions going wrong. That must depend on the definition of dangerous expedition, right? God, I should google it.

You had spaced out again. It’s not something you would do often- a blatant lie, you actually did it often, too often nowadays. Sometimes it was just thoughts building a maze in your head and hiding your brain and sometimes it was daydreams, with no rational scheme behind those thoughts. It was an escape that made you feel better. In some kind of fucked up way it made you feel seen even though it was not real and just in your head. But it was happiness and therefore you would take it.

And with your mind swimming around in your head so did your eyes, away from the musty old carpet and into the crowd. The house felt fuller than before and it probably was. It has been an hour since you arrived with Jessica, fashionably late or something according to her. Jessica’s lateness was however disturbed by your anxiousness of being too late, so instead of an hour late it was 20 minutes. So all the actually and purposely late people had finally arrived.

It felt like you would develop a headache, no, you were definitely going to get a headache. And so your eyes kept on skimming across the room, one of the legs of the coffee table in front of you that was cracked or the ripped wallpaper on the other side of the room. And then you caught someone’s eyes, staring in recognition at you. It terrified you, being observed in such a way and again the night got worse, so so much worse. Because you recognized those eyes and his face just like he did with yours. Here he stood, a few meters away with a red cup in hand, leaning on one of the four walls of the living room.

Poe was always boyishly handsome, the next door kind of boy handsome, but now he was heavenly being among mortals. What once were curious big eyes with mischievous glint, and he truly didn’t lose the spark in those years, just turned into dark flirtatious danger.

And what could have been a friendly, surprising meeting after all this time between childhood friends was only a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. You couldn’t look at him. You thought it was behind you, it felt like years and was in fact swept by those years under the rug like any kind of unpleasant memory from your past. But this was Poe, your Poe, no, scratch that, he was not your Poe anymore. There was nothing left of the boy you would play with every day, go to the beach every summer and who would make you laugh so uncontrollably until your stomach hurt.

And now he was excusing himself from the conversation he was having moments prior to your staring contest? Accident? Let’s call it an accident. It felt like one and it was going to result in a horrendous amount of trauma, again.

The whole time he held your gaze with his, not even a second was given to anything else. You were sure he was going to trip over the outstretched legs of one of the boys but he just stepped over them without looking. He was always a lucky bastard. So wishing him to fall over something and plant his handsome face on that disgusting carpet while you would sprint down your escape route, you had already planned, was a delusional dream.

“What are you doing here?” He finally arrived close enough not to awkwardly yell at you across the room when he spoke and you were ready to puked all over yourself. Poe even attempted to hug you or at least his arms were spread wide open instigating he was going for a hug. But this attempt was shortly discarded after you didn’t move an inch to meet the hug, still sitting on the sofa with a shocked expression as if made out of stone. You couldn’t move, you just couldn’t, there was no explaining it.

So that’s how deers feel when they are staring at the headlights. Paralyzed and ready to be crushed, unable to move to escape.

But for you there was escaping. Maybe you could play amnesia, a little trip down the stairs and upsie dupsie you don't remember him.

“Sorry, it’s you, right? Y/N?” He looked unsure and a bit awkward. Poe most likely didn’t expect you here or to even see you again in his life. In both of your eyes it was probably for the best not seeing each other after how your friendship ended on such a tragic note.

Yes, even better. I can play it like I am someone else. Then when all of this is over I can just never see him again. Maybe changing my name and hair color and mayor and maybe completely moving to Brazil to play volleyball at beaches would be a good idea. Drink fruity cocktails and work as a maid in hotels or something. I like volleyball and I definitely don’t want to be in this situation.

“No, it’s definitely you.” His confused expression morphed into one of pure happiness and you knew there was no escaping.

Maybe if I think hard enough about sunny beaches and bikinis I won’t be here. I will just pow and be somewhere else.

No, you could still hear the loud music resonating deep inside your bones.

Fuck, I am still here and not in Brazil, aren’t I?

“What was that? Where did you just go?” Poe smiled softly down at your seated form. His smile was so wide that wrinkles formed in the corners of his eyes.

God, his smile was always so infuriating, wasn’t it?

“What?” You must have looked terrified, eyes bulging out of its sockets and mouth wide open. No one had yet to notice your little disappearances to your head and Poe was definitely the last one in your mind to do so.

“It’s like you disappeared somewhere, just for a second.” The unsure expression returned but now was completed with a confused tilt of his head before it turned into a wolfish grin, amused by your shocked expression over the words that followed.

“Brazil.” The shriek came out of your throat without any agreement with your brain. This night just tried to prove how quickly things can go sideways, right? Maybe drinking wasn’t such a bad option, at least you wouldn’t remember any of this.

FUCK. What the fuck. Why did I say it out loud? FUCK.

Now you were completely panicking. Sweat pooled into the lines of your shirt, sticking it to your skin. An uncomfortable aura seeped inside and hardened in its core weighing you down on the sofa. And you knew, you knew if you couldn’t let go of this feeling you would crash down and cry in embarrassment. But if you could anchor it on to the harsh texture of the pillows you were propped upon and into the cloth of your seat, you could escape. You were sure of it.

“What?” He kept staring at you with his mouth slightly open and astonished at what he just heard.

Yep. He definitely heard. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Brazil?” Poe always laughed loudly and with full force making him the center of everyone’s attention. And you couldn’t blame them. It was Poe, handsome, friendly and funny Poe that was always a sweetheart. Well, not always really.

Mission abort. He knows of Brazil. There is no safe haven now.

You had to get out, now and quickly, otherwise you might smother yourself with one of the nasty cushions from the sofa. It didn’t seem like an effective tactic in your head either but currently it was a very appealing idea. But instead you reloaded the escape route in your mind and activated the plan.

“No, it’s nothing. Eh-, sorry, got lost in thoughts for a bit.” Starting to slowly gather all your things ready to leave and Poe sensed you were getting ready to run. Your tactic was completely ineffective and so he continued talking, knowingly observing you.

“Oh. Yeah-” Before you could have said goodbye to him and run for your life, more like a sanity and what you deemed to be a leftover pride, he spoke again. “You look fantastic by the way, I mean you always did but wow.” You could literally hear a small laugh escape his lips.

This stopped you, you were aware that you went through a massive glow up since high school. You didn’t really wake up one day with clean skin, an actual ton of work was put into the process of your transformation.

There were always these memories of your aunties calling you pretty. One time at some family member’s b’day celebration one of them approached you, to this day you were not sure if she was from your dad’s side or mom’s and at this point it is too embarrassing to ask. She was one of those cooler aunties, the one that gave the best gifts and to whose attention and favoritism kids in the family sort of fought over.

“You haven’t changed at all, sweetheart. Still such a cute face.” She laughed with her hand in which she was holding a glass of wine swinging around your shoulder to hug your side.

“Sure, auntie.” At that time you dismissed it completely, ‘cause you knew that your skin was clearer, you had your nails done and wore a cute little dress. However, you didn’t feel even an ounce prettier than if you wore big hoodies with greasy hair. You didn’t love yourself enough then. It changed, at least a bit, you got more confident since high school and more comfortable with your own visage and body.

“You didn’t think it before.” You were unable to look at him but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of avoiding his gaze, so you stared right through him, right through his stupid face and strong chest at what you imagined would be a yellowish white wall behind him.

“What?”

“Nothing, eh-,” Standing up from the sofa, you check if you have everything in your pockets and haven’t lost anything in the cushioned sofa while getting up,” I should get going, bye.” A convulsing smile held in place as you started to speed walk away. Away from Poe, away from the nasty carpet and smelly sofa, away from Jessica kissing a boy in the kitchen, you just signaled to her that you were going home, and away from the stupid house.

“Woah, wait up!”

Fuck, of course he is following me.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“If you did- if you did something wrong?!”

“Yeah?” His voice slightly trembled, unsure what to say, you could feel the tension. And so you kept on pushing through the crowd, advancing in your escape plan.

“You don’t know.” It was more of a statement, with no emotion attached to it. You didn’t feel anything or so you thought. In reality you were too busy trying to get to the hall with the entrance door to comprehend what it actually meant. Until it really downed on you. “You don’t remember.”

And so you got ready to remind him.

“You called me ugly, you laughed and said you couldn’t have a crush on someone like me.”

“When?”

“Gosh.” You signed obnoxiously just to try to annoy him a bit. “Since when do you think we are not friends anymore, Poe?”

“That’s what it’s all about?” You could hear his loud huff just like his stomping feet behind you trying to keep up before you escaped his grasp. “You are seriously mad over something so dumb?”

“It’s not dumb. It was important to me. It still is.” You were now grabbing your jacket from the hanger trying to avoid stumbling into the drunk pair going back inside from their cigarette break. “You laughed at me, you laughed at the idea of me being your girlfriend.” You didn’t care anymore if others could hear you, if someone heard and told other people, you didn’t care that tomorrow people could talk about what they heard. You just had to get it off your chest.

“Well what was I supposed to say?!” This made you stop in tracks, right on the porch of the frat house. Music is still loud and booming in your head. The overwhelmed feeling was yet to be gone and Poe wasn’t helping it much.

“I don’t KNOW!? Maybe that it’s true? That you really like me?” You gave him a pissed look making him pause before he shouted back causing you to turn back to the open street and march down again.

“I WAS A PREPUBESCENT BOY who wanted to be viewed as the cool guy!”

“So liking me meant not being cool?!” You were sure if the music from the house wasn’t booming even outside, people inside would be already gathering on the porch to watch the whole situation unfold.

“GOD no, seriously, woman. We were like 14! Boys that age don’t do crushes, at least not openly. And when Mikey asked me I was totally unprepared and just blurred it out ‘cause it was embarrassing to talk about, that’s all.” You still didn’t look back at him, marching down the street trying to escape.

“We definitely weren’t 14!” You screamed back, stopping in your tracks. Your cheeks were on fire and if you had any throwable object near you, you were sure it would already be chucked at his stupid face. For a second you even thought about using the rest of your strength you had after this night to pick a trash can and actually try to throw it at him. You were simply fuming, pissed beyond belief with your face completely hot and you hated it. Poe really got the best and worst out of you.

“We were DEFINITELY 14!”

Oh, you were so done with him. Mr. Perfect, Mr. I can’t admit I was an asshole. No, THAT I still am an asshole actually. There was something boiling within you, something horrible and ugly trying to get out on the surface. You wanted him to regret making you feel stupid, making you feel ashamed of yourself. You wanted to scorch him so he would be ashamed for what he did to you, to his best friend.

Ex-best friend now, actually. You have been his ex-best friend for a very long time now. It has been years and it still hurts and you wished something so stupid and childish wouldn’t hurt but oh my god, you could hold grudges. You wished you wouldn’t get mad at him, that you would just laugh or cry for a bit and then make up over ice cream or something. You wished you could look at Poe and be happy and not hurt inside over something so fucking stupid. And so you turned away from him and with a great speed started to walk down the street again.

“I am like, super sure of it!” He screamed behind you making you turn to him once again. Pissed expression setting on your face. Of course he was so sure of it, this arrogant buffalo was always so full of himself and self righteous in an annoying way. He couldn’t even let you cry, let you have some peace with your own stupidity. “Yeah? And why is that, asshole?” You stared at him straight and hard, ready for another argument to begin.

“You had braces. In 8th grade,” He, just like you, was completely out of breath and slowing down to check his breath right back up,” you had blue braces.” Poe’s outstretched finger was now pointing at you while his other hand was gripping his knee, his whole figure crouched while he lapped at the cold air surrounding you both.

And you would rather die than to admit that Dameron was correct but he was. You really did have braces in 8th grade and you hoped a fabulous glow up would come with taking them off the next grade. When they did finally come off, acne started to pop on your cheeks so no glow up even for that year or the year after and then it was a sort of illusion that hid in your head.

“And I thought you were pretty cute with them.”

Oh. OH.

That was not something you ever saw coming. You didn’t feel cute, at least as far as you could remember. You felt like an ugly duckling and very awkward all the time, uncomfortable in your own skin.

“And then you got hot…,”Poe swung his left hand right on his face, clutching his forehead in frustration before calming down and sliding it across his hair with a quiet end of his sentence being muttered under his breath,”like awfully hot over the summer break.”

Is he fucking with me?

But he continued even though his hands were shaking, if it was the cold or his own embarrassment/frustration you couldn’t tell. “And I just couldn’t understand like- like why no one didn’t snatch you up yet.” If you haven’t noticed how muscular his arms were or how the veins on his hands seemed to tighten before, you were sure you knew of them now. His arms were now stretched out, gripping behind his neck with elbows in the air above his head. If anyone saw you two, they would have thought how nonchalantly Poe looked but up close he was the definition of rubber band ready to snap. Not in anger but frustration. You could see his long fingers digging into the tan skin burning it into a white that turned red moments later. The flush silently spread on the rest of his skin, not just neck, cheeks and tips of his ears followed.

“-and then I was sure guys like Jake…You remember Jake, right? That horrible basketball guy with that mole on his chin. He must have noticed because you like…” He stops his blabbering just to stare at you with newfound intensity. And then he does it, motions to his chest, no, to his t-shirt riding up.

But you didn’t completely understand what he was insinuating and so he continued, trying to explain it all to you. “In PE, it was too hot, the sun was blazing, it was like- like the hottest spring ever and you took off that big hoodie, the one you had always on you, in the middle of the volleyball game. And it was like a few years after we stopped hanging out but I was still thinking about you-“

Poe noticed the hoodie, god, how you hated the hoodie after all those years. It was baggy and unwashable from all your kneading of the fabric in your sweaty hands. It once resembled a safe haven, however, it slowly became a mark of your teenage years sucking ass.

”- and here you were standing in PE class all sweaty in tight t-shirt and you weren’t just girl, you were like a woman or something and I got-”

“You got hit in the face with the ball!” The sound of your surprise resonating in the empty street not hidden by the gusts of biting cold air. You remembered that you chastised yourself for the next few years for taking the hoodie off even though you were sweating buckets. You just felt so out of your skin by it. Even the fact that you loved playing volleyball couldn’t save you, you still felt embarrassed, only a few years later you realized it was kinda stupid. But you remembered something. Poe, Poe with his bloody nose and spaced out expression standing in the court, diagonally in front of you across the net.

“I got hit right into my face, Ben fucked up his set and the ball went flying across the net and just boinged me straight into my face while I was-,” he gulped but then his face grazed a boyish grin that slowly spread,” cause I was still thinking about the skin, y’know.”

“Skin?” You were lost in your own thoughts again, over Poe, over the feelings you had now and used to have and- Poe was looking at you sheepishly, completely halting you in your thought process.

And there it was again. Poe’s fingers skimmed over the fabric of the t-shirt he was wearing, riding it slowly up until you could see his hardened stomach staring back at you.

“God, stop. I know what you mean.” You had to look away. The heat spread onto your cheeks and slowly trailed down your throat and chest, keeping you warm. If Poe was handsome in highschool, college only gave him more mature charm, sculpting him with sharper jaw and tighter muscles than before.

“Why did you ask then?”

“I don’t know.” You murmured, causing him to laugh for a bit before you followed. The both of you laughed like silly kids, like you used to laugh together.

This was not the end of his rant, it was only the begging, he just kept on talking and talking and your head was swimming in all the hidden affection and fascination he had held to his heart all over those years for you just until now. Just until now when it all bubbled out, spilling at your feet and begging for recognition of the old passion and lust. And your heart was now hoping to hear some more.

“Do you still like me?” You gave him a sheepish look before returning your gaze back to the pavement under your feet as if not paying attention to what he was going to say. Still hoping for a miracle.

“Honestly?” He lifted one eyebrow at the question, giving you a sort of amused side eye, he looked at you briefly, trying to catch you looking at him.

“Honestly.” What a blatant lie on your part, two in one night. You had no need and place for honesty if there was nothing left of those feelings. If there was nothing, no flame for you to reignite there was no room for such honesty, especially not when you were now burning so much.

Please love me, adore me. I need it and I crave it more than air. I crave attention and love, I was never loved enough and maybe you could be the one.

“I don’t know. I mean… It has been a while since we even talked. Maybe you are freaking annoying or you chew really loudly now.”

Oh.

Of course… that’s…understandable, I guess.

But you had to keep yourself in high spirits, there was nothing for you to do after all. He was right, it was such a long time to the point you didn’t know anything about him. The remaining fact was his boyish charm was now completed with tight muscles and strong shoulders and you wouldn’t be against dating someone like him. Not knowing the first thing about him seemed to be no stopping line in your mind when it came to handsome guys like him. And on top of that this was Poe, the friendly little neighbor of yours that was always so ready to help with everything everytime.

“Same could be said about you, y’know.” So, you began walking again, having the need to occupy your legs and calm down the need for pacing around but Poe was still right behind you, keeping up.

“Yeah-yeah, you are right.” He chuckles under his breath, giving you enough confidence to speak again.

“Do you?” Turning back to him, face to face ready to hear his answer. Maybe all of it could come back if you looked into his eyes long enough. Maybe Poe could look at you and adore you once again. The old desperation to be loved was after all still a kindling, ready to be a fire again.

“Hm?” He was not looking at you. The wind was harsher and he was not looking at you. And the wind got stronger and stronger and he was still not looking at you. At this point your hair was violently swinging around like a veil obscuring your view of his imposing figure. And when the bitter winter air gust settled his eyes finally lifted up from the dirty pavement. Chocolate eyes gazing right at you, confusion weighting on his eyebrows and slightly open mouth complementing the image.

“Chew loudly.” Corners of your mouth were twitching, ready to be lifted and smile at this adorable silly man.

“I don't know… probably not?” His eyes were shining again and you felt warmth spreading inside you as if the cold winter around you had already ended and spring was in a full bloom.” No one really complained about me chewing loudly yet. But you know… it's me, so.” He just shrugged, sticking his hands in the pockets of the jacket. At this moment you were already a few streets away from the party where it all started. The start of the fight absolutely decimated by what followed in the name of childhood crushes and awkward realization of time passing and situations changing and the fact that both of you settled into a not so awkward small talk and still felt warmth of the other one’s present..

“Oh, there you go again.” You rolled your eyes at him with a dramatic sigh following closely all in a good sense of teasing. God, it was Poe, adorable but still so cocky Poe.

“What?” He laughed loudly, the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes adorably boyish. This feeling was so familiar, just like when you were kids and could laugh about anything.

“The smug smile again.” You pointed out, one of your hands pulling out of the heavy jacket’s pocket you decided to wear tonight to quickly point your finger at his face.

“I am not smug.”

“You are.” You murmured it under the breath almost sure he didn’t hear it.

“Yeah, I kinda am.” Were his dimples always so prominent? Was Dameron also so soft with you? You were sure he was, it fitted him like a tailored suit.

“You hurt me, y’know. It was really awful to hear the popular guy in class say it. Especially like that. And I think it hurt even more knowing it was you, that it wasn’t just some popular guy. It was you, Poe, my Poe.” You had to get a sort of closure on this, it couldn’t be erased but it could be understood and put in a box to be forgotten.

“I am so sorry, sweetheart.”

“I like you. Well, I liked you.” At those words his breath hitched or you thought you heard it do so.

“Oh.” You could feel him staring again, so many stares given to you in one night so many years later. His gaze not faltering for even a second before he finally turned away.

“I really fucked up that time right?” There was a pregnant pause before he could get the words out. Now completely aware of his mistakes just like you were of yours. Two silly idiots realizing how both of them fucked up but wanting to mend old wounds.

“Hm.” You hummed in acknowledgement, not really knowing what more to say to him.

“God, I wish I could strangle my past self and just yell at him and shit. Your crush likes you back, so like- DON’T fuck it up, y’know?” And while those words escaped between you he did the weirdest gesture, as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands. A motion of holding someone's neck shaking his hands while gripping at air. He looked absolutely ridiculous, but in the end he was just trying to make you laugh. That was what he always did when the two of you were fighting as kids.

“Hm.” His blabbering worked like a magic, small smile appearing on your face as if out of spell before you glanced at him.

“We could try again?” That wasn’t something you had anticipated, no, you actually kinda hoped for it but didn’t want to get disappointed. Poe must have sensed it and was wearing this stupid upside grin just for your smile to stay in place.

“Not completely, of course. But like new me and new you being friends again kind of repeat?” There was no way for you to prevent the smile widening at your face, cheeks almost hurting how hard you tried not to grin.

“Does it make sense?” His eyebrow now furrowed in a pensive state. “No, I probably worded it badly, wait-, I think-” Poe Dameron was blabbering and he was so cute while doing so. But you needed to stop him and so you helped him by answering before he would get lost in the maze of his own words. “I would love that.”

“Good”. Again, the sheepish smile you so loved seeing on his face, giving Poe more of that boyish charm you were used to. You could feel his gaze now unintentionally slipping away from you for the first time in the night. It didn’t feel right. It felt colder now, as if the sun was no longer beaming at you. And then you have realized. He had seen you the whole time, even at the time you thought there was not much worth seeing.

And for a moment you were sure there was no going back to being friends with him because you simply couldn’t. Because when he looked at you with a stare not leading thousand miles away from you but here with you, really staring at you. You couldn’t not feel the warmth and you couldn’t stop thinking about him holding your hand and more and you knew it was absolutely crazy. It was so crazy ‘cause you haven’t talked to each other properly since maybe early years of highschool and you didn’t really know him anymore. But you knew the little Poe, your Poe and you knew the idea of Poe you wanted and now you knew the Poe in front of you, at least a bit, and you also knew in the end you couldn’t give up.

You were called back into reality with a loud ringing sound, like an alarm waking you up from a dream. Harsh, loud and causing you to freaking out. By the time you were present again Poe was already fumbling with his jacket’s pocket.

“Sorry.” You almost didn’t hear those words being mumbled. You were too concentrated on Poe and his furrowed brow with little line forming in between them.

His hand finally gripped the small device pulling it free from the fabric. He looked quickly at the screen and scolded, probably not so keen to answer the caller but he did it anyway. And before he could talk, you could hear yelling over loud music.“Oi! Poe, we are looking for you!”

Oh, these must be Poe’s friends.

“Sorry,” He laughed again, this night was truly so full of his laughter and you liked it too much.“I met an old friend from high school and we are catching up, you know how it gets.” He looked up at you and smiled before distancing himself a few steps away.

“Get your stupid ass back to the party, asshole!” This time it was the voice of some woman, she was loud, trying to yell over the music and probably standing a bit away from the phone of the caller.

“Hm, I don’t think I will,” he turned your way with a smile, thinking you didn’t hear what his friend yelled over the phone,”I have a lot of catching up to do.” He told her softly and that was the last thing you could hear before he walked a bit away. He traced the line of the sidewalk mindlessly swinging his other arm while he kept talking on the phone. And then he finally ended the call with a silent bye.

Eh?

Poe would really rather spend time with me and catch up or argue over the past than be with his friends?

You expected him to end your talk as soon as he answered the phone, leaving you in the ice cold street and running back to the party to get drunk with his buddies. But he really did decline the offer just so he could spend more time with you.

“Ah, it was too cheesy, sorry.” He wasn’t apologetic at all, you could clearly tell by the wolfish grin.

He first fumbled with his phone for a bit, it looked like he turned off notifications on it, before he put it back into his pocket. And then was all his attention on you again, making your insides twist in a happy feeling.

“So, what’s this Brazil thing about?”

FUCK!

Scratch the happy part; it was only nervousness now.

“Is it your little quirk?” And now he was staring at you fully again, making you squint in your clothes, not completely uncomfortable just not used to it. Some part of you even loved it, all the attention Poe gave you in the last what? 30minutes? Super fan of it. You couldn’t get enough.

God, I hope this never ends. I hope some divine power can just put me into a loop where he is staring at me and smiling and all over again. I love this feeling more than anything. Wait, what was he saying?

“You know, your chewing loudly thing.” He tapped your elbow with his to catch your attention again. His eyes saying Come on, don't get lost on me. Waiting patiently for you to get your head straight.

“Oh.”

Oh. He is still really funny.

“Yeah. Sort of?” Laugh escaped your lungs again, you were not sure yourself. Quirks were supposed to be kinda funny, right? Well, chewing loudly is not kinda funny so not really. “Yeah, I guess? I am not really sure actually.” Another laugh this time ripping right from your heart, nervous and twitching, ready to be swatted away as unwanted.

“Cool.”

Oh.

And there it was again. The incredible warmth spreading inside, anxiety turning from hard cold ice into a puddle and evaporating away over the heat Poe created in you.

Maybe it could actually work. Yeah, let’s try again.

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #star wars fanfiction #oscar isaac x reader #poe dameron x you #isa writes

101 notes · View notes

maaikeatthefullmoon · 6 months

Text

As promised to my darling friend @tismrot, here is the first of The Holiday Diaries *insert ominous music here*. Hope you enjoy it, dollface.

The drive was four hours. I can’t drive. Essentially, I lived in a country where I couldn’t speak the language when I was of an age to learn to drive. After that, once I moved to the UK at age 18, I’ve always either lacked the time or money (or both) for driving lessons. So I’m a frustrated passenger.

The destination was somewhere I said I’d never go again. A few years ago I ended up in A&E (not self inflicted - it was a treatment-resistant migraine, which means I end up on a morphine drip. It happens roughly every 4-5 years) and I can’t say my memories of this place are great as a result. On top of which I vowed last year that I wasn’t doing this type of holiday again and I’d be taking the kids separately from then on. Oh yeah, and then I lost my everloving shit last night as well. Oops. Meant to have that conversation AFTER the holiday.

Big words, big breeches…aaaaand here I am! On holiday! Fucksake. But hopefully it’ll be entertaining.

Hour one.

Kids argued within five minutes. Googled car games for them. They just looked at me like I grew an extra head. Felt like a dinosaur. Googled if I can do EMDR to myself. Results inconclusive. Atmosphere in the front of the car very awkward. BBC Radio 2 on.

Hour two.

Kids still arguing, although son has helped daughter build a rollercoaster on Minecraft. Told them about Rollercoaster Tycoon. Once again felt like a dinosaur. Messaged a LOT of people to pass the time. Still listening to Radio 2. Atmosphere obviously still awkward. Ignoring the burgeoning migraine that’s been bugging me on & off for the past week+. Definitely stressed. Saw someone with amazing green hair in a service station. Exchanged smiles. Kindred spirits. Despite being young enough to be my daughter. Do wonder if these people smile at me in a condescending way, wondering if grandma’s escaped from a home…Oh look, that was an ellipsis. And I DIDN’T PUT A SPACE AFTER IT. Ha. Anyway.

Hour three.

Fuck the migraine, took a triptan. Radio 2 still on, did pretty well on Ten to the Top. Dollface, you won’t know what this is…don’t worry about it. Read through the edits @tismrot made on my chapter I’d been struggling on. Felt like the shittest writer on Earth, but needed that kick up the arse. Realised by the end of the hour that the new triptans pack a punch and I was stoned off my nut. Is that a phrase? It is now. Atmosphere was…ah, fuck it, I didn’t care any more. It certainly passed the time.

Hour four.

Put my own playlist on. Well, a modified kid-friendly version. Still occasionally get caught out as I just filter songs out that have an ‘explicit’ tag, but sometimes the tag is missing, and sometimes they’re just fucking crude without using any swear words. Whoops. Oh well. Anything was better than Jeremy Vine. Was NOT listening to him. Took the kids for lunch at McDonald’s. Embarrassed the 8yo by putting on a silly hat, and singing, and dancing. It’s too easy. 11yo gives zero fucks, nothing embarrasses him.

Writing this in a caravan now. At least I have good reading material. I’ve finally got my over-arching plot & everything planned out for the first original book & these two books are great reading.

After the blowup argument last night I’m essentially spending time with the kids alone, reading alone or writing alone. A L O N E

Although there appears to be a case of amnesia that’s set in already. I’m choosing to laugh hysterically at this

#the holiday diaries #I dislike caravan holidays #they’re just not for me #four hours in a car is too long for my crumbling spine

11 notes · View notes

reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 6 months

Note

Different topic.

Why do companies even put silicone in shampoos? They just stay ugly on scalp.

Google is your friend

I can't believe I actually looked this up for a potential troll (or a gen Z who doesn't know how to use the internet. Anon, this is a weird change of topic, you know? 😂)

Some years ago, when I went through my zero waste period (it only lasted for like 3 months), I stopped using shampoo and conditioner. Instead, I washed my hair with a mix of chickpea flour with water and then I would rinse it with apple cider vinegar mixed with water. It was a motherfucker to take all that flour out of my hair. I consumed so much water for that. I would take me tripple the time I would usually spend in washing my hair. And it still wasn't enough because I would have to brush it continously for another 10-15 minute so I wouldn't have anything left on my scalp. Yes, it did the job, my hair was clean, but not smooth. But it always felt like it wasn't as clean as it could be. But I think that was the result of not having all that silicone in my hair.

I gave it up because I just hated the entire routine. I hated the days when I had to wash my hair. And no, it still got oily just as often as before. My zero waste journey lasted throughout the duration of my hightened anxiety over climate change and the world coming to an end (somehow I ended up watching and reading things tangent to the topic around the same time). And then other problems appear, more personal, or a global pandemic. And I go back to shampoo and that first wash felt like the first cigarette after not smoking for a while. So damn satisfying, despite knowing how bad it is for you.

How's that for a different topic?

#m thoughts #midnight ramblings

8 notes · View notes

incarnateirony · 1 year

Note

https://twitter.com/xmenupdate/status/1686578029051420672?s=46&t=eTIYBJflezjsZxlN-TlYeQ

FUCKIN WHEEZE

OH, YEAH. let's start with this wonderful grammar "There has been a number of reports regarding assistants and stand-ins that have been credited on IMDb a number of Marvel Studios projects recently including Halle Berry & Famke Janssen for ‘DEADPOOL 3’."

Then we click the thing:

Everything else hidden, but sure. Okay leaky person cut on a discord background, this has NOTHING to do with how easy it is to edit IMDB, AMIRITE????????

THIS one was golden though, this one right here when any fact check was begun:

A bunch of these just look like guesses, like back in like May Halle Berry was sporting white hair and everyone assumed it was to be Storm again in Deadpool and fans went everywhere speculating.

Jared's fans have been pitching 238492384 marvel things for him to be every year for ten billion years. Gambit off the top of my head as the most recent one I recall. A list of returning GotG members because duh. Several names like Froy Gutierrez that were floated for shit like Marvel's Young Avengers on fanpages. One of these is a guy with like, NO history WHATSOEVER beyond being on CW Charmed for a few episodes (6) and then a few on night court, and isnt even in the top 5000.

Stinks of fan wishlist passed as rumor, originating off of some cross Marvel/CW fan. I mean, if Talik is managing to rocket from bit actor obscurity in the 15,000 range to being some yet unconfirmed character, all power to him, but sorry, this smacks of lmfao. It's a bunch of like fan observations of the obvious from 2 months ago (storm), CW people (Someone was a Charmed & Supernatural fan), and shit the Marvel community went "OOPS LMAO THAT'S WRONG" like Janelle Monae already:

Page was put up same time as the tweet according to google deleted in the last day, and the tweet was posted yesterday. Lmao bruh.

Like if Jared finally gets his first voice acting role of some rando XMan like 4 years behind the jackles curve, good for him I guess? Like marvel going, DC got jensen, who was That Other Guy? Given this is just a Special like holiday specials, so it'd be like one episode.

On the other hand you're going to need more than someone blatantly trying to run a list while anyone can edit the source. You think Marvel's gonna announce it like that? AH yes we hide everything even the title, and the stars, but leak the assistants. On multiple shows. NOTHING ELSE, NOT EVEN A TITLE THERE, NO RELEASE DATE GIVEN BUT WE GOT THE RANDO ASSISTANTS *SQUARED* cuz *LOGIC* But yeah, cool. Jared Padalecki As Knockoff Voice For Some Character In One Off Holiday Special Or Shortrun Webseries Some Shit For Character/Series Zero Of the Jpeg Stans Care About.

Please take your Fangasm induced and boosted nonsense out of my inbox.

Add in, be real careful holding your breath even if it IS real. Kevin Feige is listed as producting and Iger was just talking about him being "spread too thin" and dilluting their product. He's named streaming as the problem and opened fire purging products from Disney+ even before the strike. Just outright brake pump on output of Disney+ stream content. Now, they HAVE had problems with integral marvel stars recently

Why would this come out during a strike nobody is working, no less???????? Before the strike they hadn't even sorted directors or anything??????? Are you saying Jared, what, accepted the role during strike?????????? or... kept his mouth shut without a single hint for half a year????????? JARED????????????????

OH AND THIS

Also??? Jared's supposed assistant is uh. well i mean. i support immigration. But it's Real Weird that if you google him and Force It To English Results, there's 3 mentions; one this imdb listing, one bot garble nonsense, and one his application to go to college in california this spring while listing also moving into the country this march (actually with how he fucked up the US MM/DD/YY format for his birthday... this april??). So like. IDK man. Smells real fuckin sus. He wouldn't pass marvel vetting to be a janitor with that status.

Love the MULTIPLE errors on here. Class act

8 notes · View notes

measuringbliss · 2 years

Text

Tag game time!

The delightful @frog-in-bog tagged me and I must oblige!

Relationship status: recently singled, even more recently in a new relationship. it's working out. he's adorable.

Favourite colours: red and pink and indigo!!!!

Favourite foods: FAJITAS. risottos are nice too!

Song stuck in my head: This Monitor/Quondam Monitors (from Zero Escape) cover

Last thing you googled: if boiling water truly made it drinkable. roommates were not going to take a chance however.

Time: 01:42 am

Dream trip: Nothing. I'm fine with where I live! I just came back from a year abroad after all. ...Well I'm missing that city...

Last thing you read: The Picture of Dorian Gray, and I'm still at the beginning

Last book you enjoyed reading: See previous answer but also I love Les Faux-monnayeurs (The Counterfeiters) by André Gide. favourite book.

Favourite thing to cook/bake: Fajitas and risotto

Favourite craft to do in your free time: honestly not very crafty but I occasionally write. I also found taking care of my laptop soothing but it's. an endeavor.

Most niche dislike: I can be very specific about what I like and don't like in ASMR. First off, a few years ago you could search "asmr" on YT and filter by "last hour" and you always got a nice selection of new artists. Now 60% of these results are spam, 30% are slime and/or mukbang (eating), and the rest is mostly uninteresting. I love ASMR done by people who don't have the best control of their own voice (loud whispering or normal talking) with a bad mike, and kids are absolutely great in this category. But it can be complicated to find those videos, and even then people already have too much "good" craft. They know they have to whisper (because everybody does it), they know they can film with their phone (and nowadays even your base smartphone is a great recording device) and it all feels so formulaic. It's boring. My brain isn't interested. Another issue with the current state of ASMR is that Youtube recently introduced Shorts.

Shorts look like this when normal videos look like this:

The length is not shown on Shorts because they're at most 60 seconds long. However they take up the same space as normal videos, are in this weird aspect ratio that's for your phone, not your laptop, and the video player is bad. I understand that it's a mean to grab/make available small bites for your audience but it's a horrendous idea in ASMR because you usually want your video to last a while so that the watcher/listener can get in the mood. 60 seconds or less? There's no way I can enjoy it. But somehow, content creators absolutely lashed onto it and it is... displeasing, essentially polluting our experience.

Another issue with the ASMR community that REALLY needs to become a discourse already is this:

I've been seeing ASMR videos "for ADHD" for about a year now, I think. I don't like my disability becoming a wide selling point. ADHD has been trivialized and it's been everywhere. I complained about it on r/asmr but the agreement was lukewarm at best. I don't doubt that some people who do ASMR also have ADHD; my issue is that it's a real disability that ruins a lot of lives and people latched onto it as the new ~big word~. It's insulting, really. Anyway.

Opinion on circuses: I hate them but I do understand the appeal

Do you have any sense of direction: Yeah! But sometimes it fails me. So it's unreliable.

Tagging, with no obligations: nobody! if you see this, consider yourself tagged by yours truly!

HAVE A NICE DAY/NIGHT! 💌

#asks #asmr discourse #adhd discourse

1 note · View note

into-forex-trading · 25 days

Text

How to Create Passive Income from Scratch with No Money

I’ve never been a fan of the 9–5 grind, waiting for a paycheck that shows up when it feels like it. My old job paid on the 5th of every month, but even then, it felt like a drag. I know some people genuinely enjoy the stability of a regular job—my cousin loves his 9–5 more than his YouTube channel! And that’s perfectly fine.

But for those of us looking for something different, there are ways to create passive income streams, either alongside your day job or as a full-time pursuit. Here’s a journey into how you can start small and gradually build your passive income empire.

Lessons Learned from a 9–5 Disaster

I’ve had my fair share of job changes—four times, to be exact—and my last 9–5 job was the absolute worst. I had a heated argument with my boss, and after that, everything went downhill. I remember being made to wait for four hours in the reception area, only to be told my paycheck would come when the boss “felt like it.” That was the last straw.

This experience pushed me to go full-time with my writing business and explore other passive income avenues. I realized that the freedom to work on my terms was priceless. I could decide what to pursue, when to get paid, and if I didn’t like something, I could simply walk away from it.

Finding Freedom Through Passive Income

I love working online and running my own show. The best part? If one income stream slows down, others keep me afloat. It’s about diversification and creating multiple safety nets, so you and your family are never reliant on a single source.

For those looking to step into passive income, here’s a guide to finding your perfect fit:

List Your Interests: Focus on what excites you—whether it’s writing, finance, creativity, or digital products. For me, it’s all about creative writing and digital products. I stay away from niches that don’t align with my passions.

Identify Your Skills: Match your skills to your interests. If you’re good at content creation, you might excel in blogging or creating digital products.

Pick Your Platform: Choose a platform where you’d enjoy spending time. For example, if you love writing, Medium or a personal blog might be your space.

Keep It Authentic: Create original content. Use AI for research, but let your voice and expertise shine through.

Passive Income Ideas You Can Start with Zero Money

Content Creation: My top pick because it’s the backbone of my income. Whether it’s blogging, writing eBooks, or creating videos, good content opens multiple income streams.

Forex Trading with SureShotFX: If you're keen on automated trading, SureShotFX offers algorithm-driven trading solutions that can work for you even when you're not actively involved. Their services, including the Telegram Signal Copier, let you tap into expert strategies without the steep learning curve. You can get started with minimal capital and scale as you gain confidence.

Sell Digital Products: E-books, Google Sheets, printables—if you can create it, you can sell it. I’ve had success with budget trackers and other simple digital tools.

Rent Out Space: Got an extra room or parking spot? Consider renting it out. Platforms like Airbnb make it easy to earn without much hassle.

E-commerce: Even if you’re starting small, like my Instagram music store, every little bit adds up.

Blogging: It’s straightforward, requires minimal investment, and if done right, can bring in a steady income through ads and affiliate marketing.

Invest in Forex with SureShotFX: Their Telegram Signal Copier service is another great way to generate income passively. It allows you to copy trades from experts, automate your trading, and keep your investment working around the clock. You can start small, monitor the results, and scale up as you grow more comfortable with the process.

Conclusion: Start Small and Grow Gradually

You don’t need to dive into everything at once. Choose one or two income streams that align with your skills and interests, and build from there. Whether it's content creation, digital products, or automated trading with SureShotFX, the goal is to find what works for you and stick with it. Your journey to financial freedom doesn’t have to start big—it just has to start.

#forex #forex trading #forexsignals #forextrading #telegram #signal copier #passive income #make money online

0 notes

uncloseted · 6 months

Note

Do you think this is normal or something I should seek help for? I am constantly worried about offending someone or accidently saying something racist. I come from a small country and there's a few times I've noticed our slang might mean something negative in a different culture. The other day I learnt from Twitter that the hairstyle rat tail is considered offensive to be called that because of past racism connotations but everyone here calls it a rat tail without thinking twice. I feel that

in online culture today there is zero room for making ignorant mistakes and I'm terrified of making one. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to get myself cancelled because I was stupid in trusting the slang of my country. My anxiety around it has got to a point where I will google nearly every word or phrase I am unsure about to try and make sure nothing offensive comes up. If one offensive thing comes up online even if it's from something stupid like urban dictionary I will

have panic attacks if I've used that word online in the past and feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life and someone is going to turn around and call me racist or the person I said it to secretly thinks I'm a horrible person but never said anything. It doesn't help when I google a word or phrase half a year ago and when I search it again today new search results show. I try and educate myself but I also feel it's not normal to feel the need to google almost every word I use online

I think to some degree, this is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. The possibility of being dog-piled by hundreds of people for making a well-meaning but poorly phrased statement (or even just a statement that doesn't overtly mention all possibilities and permutations of an issue) is a pretty new phenomenon, and I think the vast majority of us aren't really equipped to psychologically handle it. Nobody wants to feel like they're a bad person, and it's really easy to feel like you're a bad person when so many people are offering their commentary on your opinions.

That said, the degree to which this is creating anxiety in your life seems (to me) to be more than the average person. It might be worth talking to someone about your anxiety to see if you can find ways to reduce it.

In the meantime, I think it's important to remember that the internet isn't real life. The people who are the loudest and most aggressive online tend to be the people who are the most dissatisfied with their own lives and want other people to feel as miserable as they do. Their opinions aren't necessarily right or true, and their anger doesn't mean that you're a bad person. The people who are worth listening to are the ones who can let you know when you've said something potentially hurtful in a way that's kind and "calling you in" instead of "calling you out". Being able to grow and learn and be more culturally sensitive is important, especially as our world becomes more and more globalized. No person is born with perfect knowledge of all the cultural nuances of every country on earth, and that's okay. It's okay to be wrong or uninformed sometimes. And so I think the best thing that we can all do is to assume that people on the internet have good intentions, even if what they're saying is worded poorly or misinformed.

Also, for what it's worth, I think you're okay on the rat-tail thing. I'm in the US and people here call it that too. It seems like the origins of the term and the popularizing of the hairstyle (in the Anglosphere) came out of the largely white punk movement in the 80s, so I'd be curious to know what the person on Twitter thought was racist about it. I actually couldn't even find a debate about it online anywhere (I think the original person on Twitter may have taken down their post). Which brings me to my last point on this topic. Sometimes people on the internet just make stuff up. Just because one person says that something is offensive doesn't mean that their entire community feels that way, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll get in trouble for saying whatever that person objected to. Of course, if you see lots of people saying the same thing, take it seriously. But sometimes, personal takes are just that- personal.

1 note · View note

zumpietoo · 2 years

Text

So, the SS piece I linked to was what popped up when I did a google search for “Cole Sprouse lawsuit”-----and, again, was the perfect means to illustrate how Amy was, once again, lying....and, honestly, I’m not even sure why? (similarly, the outraged hate, clearly from her already blocked from my askbox further illustrates it hit a nerve).....

And this (and her obsession with baseless, imaginary lawsuits, as well as the results of such (let’s not forget the multiple times she threatened to sue me and said I’d “go to jail” for my “lies”-----when, doesn’t work that way, you ignorant trash) is another element of her endless obsession with $$$ (as well as double standards, but that’s already established) is a perfect intro into her similar obsession with $$$----and explains why the haters (who obtain at least some of their “insider info” from her lies.....

There are, during the time SH were splitting up significant and very weird allusions to money, that on any level seemed remarkably off and out of place. Especially with the 20/20 of hindsight----in fact, it becomes apparent the “Cole’s so broke” (and Ari’s a prostitute) rumors started with her....and why?

Because her “disappointment” in Cole started when he stopped footing all the bills:

PP, similarly, has some odd, outdated obsessions with $$$, she’s the first to state she’s really cheap, also thinks her biggest bragging rights are being “rich” and does a lot of shilling to ensure she doesn’t have to ever pay for anything. She’s even bragged, way in the past, about how she buys very little.

Something she does have to pay for? The charges above her show rental stipend for the Serenity Suite, a much larger than she needs, much moar expensive apartment she used to share with Cole. And always waaayyy moar her taste.

There’s no question in my mind, for the first year and until he got an alternate pad, Cole paid for everything. I have zero doubts his $$$ paid for the Villa Carlotta throughout their time there. I suspect even past his moving out, he likely paid half for the Serenity Suite....but that wasn’t enough in Amy’s and PP’s eyes....and they were already making noises about Cole’s “failure” to pay for things....like continuing to foot all of PP’s bills----and Cole NOT buying PP the bracelet around her birthday.

Never mind, from what we can tell----she never bought HIM any gifts or, if we’re being real, bothered to plan anything for them to do....(and yeah, unquestionably, their last vacation together, was a combo of promo’d and Cole, again, paying for stuff.

The irony was, it wasn’t enough.......and Amy set out to less than subtly let everybody know/think Cole was broke. It’s clear Cole ended the rental at VC and didn’t stay there over quaranteen because entirely too many negative memories, etc. Instead he stayed at KokeJ’s empty house....which I’ll admit I still find a bit weird, but who knows?

Regardless, it was always weird to me how Amy pointedly told me “for free”, because, again, why was that even a component? (plus for all we know, KokeJ already couldn’t afford the place and Cole paid his mortgage for a couple of months.....cuz wouldn’t be surprised).

It’s interesting, too, how it further feeds into the raging materialism of dating up for PP (which would make HER a prostitute) and the obsession with Ari being poor (when she comes from the more affluent, cultured background and does have her own productive career), that Ari can’t possibly live with Cole in his house, is a prostitute, etc....

Because it’s all a shit ton of wishful projection....that started with Amy.

1 note · View note

pandemicperipatetics · 2 years

Text

Zion National Park in November

OVERVIEW

Zion National Park was the 2nd most visited U.S. national park in 2021, according to the National Park Service. It is a gorgeous area that combines a Sedona aesthetic with Yellowstone-like prairies and some Grand Canyon-like spots. Many people have raved to us that Zion is their favorite national park and that Angels Landing and The Narrows are some of their favorite hikes of all time. Having visited over 20 national parks in the last 2 years, our assessment is that Zion and these hikes are very nice, but a bit overhyped.

That said, we felt November was a fabulous time to visit Zion. It’s definitely off-season, and as a result it was not very crowded, at least on Thursday and Friday (Saturday was still a bit packed). We didn’t have to stress about finding a parking spot, waiting in long lines for the shuttle, or being cramped on trails with hordes of tourists. In fact, with a bit of warm clothing, the weather was very pleasant for hiking (not atrociously windy like Joshua Tree at this time of year!).

Hiking to Angels Landing

HIKES

1. The Narrows

The Narrows is one of the 2 most popular hikes in the park, and it is very unique compared to any other hike we’ve done. You’re basically wading through a river in a very long, narrow, and scenic canyon.

There is a long version where you take a private shuttle up to the “top” (Chamberlain Ranch) and hike down 16 miles to the park shuttle stop. This was not an option in November (thank goodness!) so we did the “bottom-up” version where you start at the park shuttle stop, walk 1.1 mile on land via the scenic Riverside Walk, and then get in the water and wade as far as Big Springs (4 miles in the water), which is as far as you can go without a permit.

Riverside Walk

If you do the bottom-up version, it is recommended to go at least as far as the iconic “Wall Street” area, which is about 2 miles into the river. We unintentionally walked well past the beginning of Wall Street and almost got to Big Springs before we stopped to eat lunch and then decided to turn back. The way out was harder as we were going against the current, which was decently strong in some parts, while we shaved about 30 mins off the return trip, with the current at our heels.

If you’re like me and 1) don’t love cold weather/water, 2) have zero interest in walking in a river for many hours, don’t fear -- with the right gear we stayed very comfortable and warm, the water levels usually didn’t go above knee height, there are several parts when you can actually walk on dry land along the sides of the canyon, and you can turn back at any time that you like. I’m glad we did it because S loved it, and I’m also glad it’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of hike because I’m good not walking in a river for 5 hours again.

Logistics for The Narrows:

Permits: This was not required for the short version of the hike, starting from the bottom and only walking a few miles in. We read that permits are required for the long version of the hike, starting from the top and walking all the way down to the shuttle stop.

Equipment: Since this hike entails wading through a river, it is prudent to use equipment including special boots, neoprene socks (to keep your feet warm; I was glad to have 2 pairs in 40-degree weather), a shoulder-height hiking stick, and dry pants in cold weather. The park ranger told us there are 5 companies in Springdale that provide these rentals. We used Zion Adventures, which had excellent Google reviews, and charged $49pp for the full rental package with dry pants (it’s $75pp if you get a full dry suit, which we did not need as the water did not go above mid-thigh height at any point in our hike). We stopped by the store the afternoon before our hike to try on the equipment and take it home with us so we could get an earlier start on the day of the hike -- much needed as there was already a line to enter the park by 8:30 a.m. on a Friday in mid-November. Note: The dry pants/suit are waterproof but do not keep you warm. We were advised to wear fleece pants (which I hadn’t brought) or, as a substitute, multiple pairs of polyester pants (long underwear + leggings worked perfectly for me), and similar clothes on top (e.g., warm base layer, fleece jacket, light down jacket). A covering for the ears and gloves were a must, and we were very glad to have brought Hot Hands hand warmers to put in our gloves. The gloves also helped prevent against chafing while carrying the hiking stick, which was very helpful to gauge the water depth as some areas were unexpectedly deep.

Location: We parked at the visitor center and took the Green Line shuttle to the last stop, Temple of Sinawava.

Time of Year: We had thought going in November might be too cold, but it was absolutely fine (and this is coming from someone who ALWAYS feels cold). The temperature range on the day of our hike was about 25F-45F, and we were very comfortable with our warm clothes and rented equipment. It was also really nice that the hike wasn’t very crowded at this time.

2. Angels Landing

Angels Landing is the other most popular hike in the park, in addition to The Narrows. It is a ~5 mile out-and-back hike that starts along the lush Virgin River, where you might find deer or even bighorn sheep hanging out (like we did in the morning), and then ascends along Sedona-esque cliffs to the grand finale, a fairly short (we estimate ~1 mile out-and-back) rock scramble assisted by chains.

Hiking with the chains at Angels Landing

The hike is rated strenuous by many sources; I would say it is moderately challenging until the rock scramble, which requires more careful footwork but still didn’t feel strenuous in terms of fitness level required. It’s nowhere near as hard as the rock scramble at Emory Peak in Big Bend National Park, or as strenuous as the steep Camelback Mountain hike in Phoenix. We thought it was a nice hike with good views the entire time, but also that it is a bit overrated; it didn’t compare to some of our favorite national park hikes. The entire hike, with liberal stops for photos, took us 2.5 hours roundtrip.

View from the top of Angels Landing

Logistics for Angels Landing:

Permits: In 2022, the park started requiring a permit to do this hike, which you can procure for $3 per hiker via a lottery on recreation.gov. If, like us, you don’t plan ahead far enough to enter the lottery several months in advance, you can still enter it starting at 12:01am MST the day before you hike -- so if you want to hike it on a Wednesday, for example, you can enter the lottery on Tuesday at 12:01am MST, which is effectively Monday night on the west coast or the wee hours of Tuesday morning on central or eastern time zones. The lottery remains open for a couple of hours and then you’ll get an email later the same day (we got ours in the afternoon) telling you the result of your entry. I found the lottery somewhat confusing and unlike the process for other national park permits we’ve applied for, but luckily we did get permits. When we got to the hike, nobody even checked for our permit, perhaps because the park wasn’t very crowded on a Thursday in mid-November. Note: You can actually do most of the hike without a permit; the permit is only required for the famous rock scramble part, which is the part of the hike that is technically called Angels Landing.

Location: To get to the trailhead, we parked our car at the visitor’s center, hopped on the 8:15am Green Line shuttle (it wasn’t full), and got off at stop #6 - The Grotto around 8:30 a.m. Note that cars are not allowed to drive through this part of the park during most of the year, so taking the shuttle is a requirement. We hear the shuttle gets extremely crowded during peak season, and that it is wise to line up early to get a spot on the first shuttle of the day at 7 a.m. We crossed the street to get to the Virgin River, then followed signs to the trailhead.

Restrooms: There are restrooms with normal toilets at the shuttle stop, as well as port-a-potty style toilets during the actual hike.

Weather: It was quite cold (in the 30s Fahrenheit) and shady when we started hiking around 8:30 a.m., but by the time we descended mid-morning, the sun was overhead and it felt quite warm even though the temperature was only in the low 40s. Throughout the hike I was glad to have long underwear under my hiking pants, an Under Armour base layer, a Uniqlo ultralight down jacket, warm hat, gloves (especially for gripping the chains), and sunglasses. However, I ended up shedding the additional fleece jacket I brought very early into the hike, and my thick Smartwool hiking socks were sweaty after the first ~30 minutes. Hiking poles would have likely been useful to protect knees during the descent, although you’d probably want to stow them away for the rock scramble parts.

Timing: We did this hike first thing in the morning to beat the crowds, although luckily it wasn’t very crowded on the day we visited.

On the trail to Angels Landing

3. Emerald Pools

This is a short hike to 3 pools of water - the Lower Pool, Middle Pool, and Upper Pool. We read that it is a 3-mile loop but we couldn’t figure out exactly what the loop was and did it as an out-and-back hike. It is rated moderately challenging and we agree; there were plenty of little kids taking on this hike.

Upper Pool

Each pool is located against a background of an interesting amphitheater-like canyon -- the Upper Pool was especially unique. They really didn’t compare to any of the alpine lakes that we saw at national parks like Rocky Mountain, Glacier, Banff, etc., but it was still a nice hike. We had plenty of time on our trip to include this hike, but if you were pressed for time, you could skip it.

Lower Pool

Note on trail conditions: Several parts of the trail were very muddy - we were glad to be wearing proper hiking shoes. And some of the trail by the Lower Pool was unexpectedly icy, so watch out on a cold day!

Emerald Pool Logistics

Location: We took the Green Line shuttle ~15 mins from the Visitor Center to Zion Lodge (1 stop before The Grotto, which is the stop for Angels Landing). We crossed the street to get to the Virgin River, then turned right to take the trail that goes by all 3 of the pools.

Timing: We did this hike right after Angels Landing, given the proximity.

Weather: Given we started the hike around 11 a.m., it was quite sunny and warm despite the temperature being in the 40s F. A single layer of pants, a full-sleeve shirt, a light down jacket, a baseball cap, and gloves for certain shady parts of the hike would have been adequate, though I was dressed a bit more warmly. If you want to sit and eat a snack at the Upper Pool (which we thought was nice), a warm hat is good as it was a bit chillier up there.

4. Watchman Trail

This was my favorite trail at Zion National Park! It’s a 3 mile out-and-back trail starting from the Visitor Center. It is pretty easy with just a little bit of uphill climb and the views are really lovely; it reminded us a bit of the Sedona Airport Loop Trail.

I thought it was great bang for your hiking buck and it’s logistically very simple (no permits, no shuttles, etc.). You just park at the Visitor Center and walk over. In my opinion, the views are at least as nice as the views from Angels Landing. We even saw an actual buck at the end (honestly it came a little too close for comfort...)

Other Hikes

Canyon Overlook Trail - This is a 1 mile out-and-back hike that we read is nice but weren’t able to do. The park shuttle doesn’t go here; you have to drive to it, and beware there are only 15 regular parking spots (all of which were full when we arrived on a Saturday around 9:45 a.m.) plus 2 handicapped parking spots. It’s about a 15 minute drive one-way from the Visitor Center. At least the drive is scenic!

Weeping Rock Trail - This is another ~1 mile out-and-back hike. It reopened in November 2022 after being closed since 2019. It is stop #7 on the Green Line shuttle, and the shuttle only stops here in one direction, on the way back from Temple of Sinawava (stop #9) to the Visitor Center (stop #1). We were too tired after hiking the Narrows to stop and do this on the return shuttle trip.

STAY

We stayed in the town of Springdale, which is right outside the park. The Springhill Suites was very nice, reflecting its excellent Google reviews. It had better reviews and was cheaper than Zion Lodge (the only lodge in the park) and included a free breakfast -- the typical Marriott hotel buffet spread. It was only a 5 minute drive from the park entrance. Our room had a mini-fridge and a microwave. We would gladly stay there again.

View from the Springhill Suites lobby/breakfast area

EAT (VEGETARIAN)

Overall the food was NYC prices with quality that was nothing to write home about. Thankfully, the vegetarian options were adequate. These are the places we tried for dinner; all were fine.

Bit & Spur Restaurant & Saloon -- The menu has tons of vegetarian options and the service was friendly. It’s a bit expensive, as we’ve found to be typical for restaurants right by national parks, but tastier than anywhere else we tried. We liked the tofu tacos and brie quesadilla.

Thai Sapa -- Given the limited vegetarian protein options in town, we grabbed a meal here for our tofu fix. The green curry was pretty good but quite spicy and a tiny serving relative to the price, and the drunken noodles were definitely not the best we’ve had, but still decent because, after all, they are drunken noodles.

Oscar’s Cafe -- Mexican food. A good source of black beans for protein; we thought the black bean & guac salad was pretty decent. The sweet potato burrito was ok but fried, and light on the side serving of black beans.

Groceries: We stopped for lunch supplies at the Walmart in Hurricane, UT, which was right on the route from Las Vegas to Springdale (the town just outside of the park). We had read that groceries are cheaper in Hurricane than in Springdale.

0 notes

findingjoynweirdstuff · 3 years

Text

DSMP Anniversary Recap: L’MANBERG

After their drug business idea resulted in disaster last time, Wilbur comes back to the server with a second plan: to turn their humble Camarvan into a new, independent server where no Americans are whitelisted.

The first order of business? Build a wall.

---

VOD LINKS:

Tubbo [unavailable]

Ponk [unavailable]

TommyInnit

Wilbur Soot

Eret [unavailable]

Punz [unavailable]

---

The previous day, Wilbur and Tommy discussed their plans for building an empire as Tommy constructed an underground sewer system, a nation where selling drugs is allowed.

“How do you know Sapnap’s not gonna like, I dunno, you know what they’re like, man, how do we know they’re not gonna…make it a war?”

“How I see it is they can declare war, they can do whatever they want, but if we just ignore them and don’t acknowledge it, we win. We can’t lose...”

---

- Tommy’s noticed that the server is full of fighting, and he wants money. How does one monetize fighting? A fight club! He can make a fight club in his basement

- Alyssa comes over and hands him a poppy with Ponk. Ponk explains that Alyssa is his lawyer

- Wilbur tells Tommy off for being rude to them

- Later, Sapnap comes over to his basement. Tommy touches the “Do Not Touch” chest and falls to his death

- Sapnap likes Tommy’s fight club idea and helps him dig out the room

- Wilbur joins Tommy’s VC as Tommy is speaking with Sapnap and scolds him for talking with an American, pulling him into a different VC.

Last time, they tried to sell drugs out of their hotdog van and some people didn’t approve of that. This time? Wilbur wants a revolution.

Wilbur: “Starting a movement is easy. You know, Tommy? Anyone can start a movement. Movements are cool. If you start a movement towards a common good, you’re cool! You know? Nothing ever goes wrong! Revolutions are hard, Tommy. Lots of people are gonna oppose us, Tommy.”

- The first thing they need to do…is build a wall

- Wilbur logs on in the Camarvan and sees Tubbo’s package of blaze rods. Tommy asks how much armor he should be wearing, Wilbur says none

Wilbur: “We don’t win wars with battles and with armor. We win wars with our words, Tommy. We’re starting a revolution, not a war.”

- He opens the package of blaze rods from Tubbo and talks about how his wildest dream is a nation where they can sell drugs with no one to stop them

Wilbur: “Why are you being all quiet and slow to talk to me?”

Tommy: “No no no, I’m just trying to decipher who’s on the right side of history right now.”

- Wilbur shows Tommy all the blaze rods. They’re on the right side of history. Tommy shows Wilbur the flaming hotdog on top of the van. He likes it

- The first law of their new place is that no UHC block placement is allowed (he demonstrates by parkouring across the water). That’s banned

- Sapnap comes over and gives Wilbur some blaze rods

Wilbur: “Oh yeah, you can’t buy our peace from your tyranny.”

Sapnap: (whispering to Wilbur) I’ve changed Sapnap: just Sapnap: look Sapnap: Ive tried brewing

Wilbur: once an American always an American

- Tommy punches him away and Sapnap goes away. They call him. Sapnap says, though he can’t join their posse, once their empire grows he wants to buy their potions. He’s possibly addicted to their supply. They have their first export

- Wilbur needs sand, gravel and dandelions for the wall. He sends Tommy on his way. Tommy asks the new empire’s policy on women. Wilbur says they’re allowed as long as they’re European

- Wilbur starts drawing out the border and asks him what their new nation should be called

- Dream logs on. Tommy asks Wilbur how he and Dream have been since they flirted. Wilbur says he just wants to rob George of his loves. Wilbur asks Dream if he wants to kiss

Wilbur: “He’s not responding. Is he gonna ban me for xenophobia?”

Dream: (in chat) who

Wilbur: (in chat) you

Tommy: “What’s…what’s ‘xeno…?’”

Wilbur: “A distaste towards other countries.”

Tommy: “Oh look, here’s Tubbo. He’s on his own adventure.”

Dream: social distancing

Wilbur: SMART

Tubbo fell from a high place.

- Wilbur screams after getting startled by Tommy coming into the van. Tommy throws him a carrot (“Have a carrot, please, calm yourself”) and gives Wilbur the supplies for the concrete

- Tommy goes to speak with “Small T” (Tubbo) and they get him in VC. Tommy tells him “viva la revolution!” and asks for some sand. They also need black dye

Wilbur: “Tubbo, what’s your stance on the States?”

Tubbo: “Those United States? I mean, I’ve heard stuff’s pretty nuts over there so I guess it’s not going great for them.”

Wilbur: “Yeah, we’re pulling a reverse independence.”

Tommy: “Yeah, we’re taking away their independence!”

Wilbur: “No no no no no, we’re not – no no, they’re staying independent. We’re claiming independence from the server.”

Tubbo: “I thought everyone was already independent? Everyone can already do what they want.”

Wilbur: “No, see, when you’re on this server, you’re on the Dream SMP, right? Yeah, we’re making our own land so that when you are in our borders you are no longer on the Dream SMP.”

Tubbo: “Oh…okay…”

- From the drug war a few days ago, Wilbur’s decided that the Americans can’t be trusted to run their own nation

Wilbur: “So what we’re doing is we’re – we’re taking control. We’re making our own nation.”

Tubbo: “Nice!”

Wilbur: “Our own server. And we’re gonna make the Americans pay for it!”

Tubbo: “Wai– uhhhh…”

Wilbur: “See the thing is, Tubbo, server upkeep costs money. A pittance to Dream, may I add, the billionaire thing he is, but like, we still – we’re gonna be still not paying a single penny for the upkeep of the server. But we will have our own independent emancipated land that will not be part of the server.”

- Tubbo is onboard. They ask Tubbo for name suggestions. Tubbo suggests “Not Dream SMP.” Wilbur wants something more original

- Tommy comes back with an idea. There’s only one woman on the server, and they won’t be letting her into the state since she’s American, so what he’s thinking is:

Tommy: “Why don’t we call it…Manberg? Or alternatively, Mantopia?”

Wilbur: “I like Mantopia. But how do we make it European? United Manberg.”

Tommy: “United Mantopia. UNM – wait, lemme Google if it means anything offensive—"

- Since it only stands for the University of New Mexico, Tommy decides it’s good. But Wilbur realizes it sounds too much like the United States

Wilbur: “What about ‘Le?’ Le-Man-berg.”

Tommy: (in chat) le man burg

- Wilbur declares it “L’manberg,” as that’s how the French do it – and the French are quite big on their revolutions. “Lemonburg” is declared a slur in their nation. They will cancel anyone who calls it that

- Tubbo takes off his armor and they discuss “war-winning words.” Wilbur quotes Hamilton and Tommy suspects him of lyric pranking

- Wilbur is the general of L’manberg and Tommy is his right-hand man. Tommy suggests they make the Camarvan an embassy but Wilbur declares it the capital, the state building instead

- Tommy gives Wilbur a stone hoe and Wilbur hoes a single piece of land outside the van before getting an idea. He hoes another piece of land and declares it the “unsullied ground.” Tommy starts singing Hallelujah to it

- Wilbur wants revolutionary skins. He wants a redcoat skin. Their slogan? “L’manberg: We are alarming.”

- There is a hidden clause in Tubbo and Tommy joining L’manberg, and that is that they will have to have houses there. They are citizens

- Tubbo spends a minute spinning around trying to find Wilbur

- They spot Dream nearby and go to speak to him. He says he’s just chilling. Wilbur tells Tommy to shout war words at him

- Dream joins the call and they tell him that “L’manberg” is seceding from Dream SMP. This is their own server now. Dream notes that it seems pretty small, but Wilbur tells him it’s what they do with it that counts

- Dream asks what happens if the rest of the server decides to take over the land. Wilbur says that’s not how servers work. The laws – or “gamerules,” rather, of their server is that PvP is turned off. Wilbur tells him that he’s not whitelisted in their server and has to stay out. All they want is Dream’s acknowledgement – and he’s paying for it

- Wilbur tells him he can set up his own visa and whitelist for Dream SMP and that they don’t need anything outside of these walls. All Tommy and Tubbo need is to move all their items there. Dream is skeptical and asks Tubbo if he’s really doing that

Tubbo: “…HEYYY, so I was born in the Dream SMP, and um…”

Tommy: “Yeah yeah, as was I! I was also born over there so really, we have duo citizenship—”

Wilbur: “—There’s no dual citizenship in our nation. Our nation has zero dual citizenship.”

Tubbo: (crosstalk) “Wait, why are you making it difficult for us?”

Wilbur: “Look at me. Do you boys care about the revolution?”

Tommy: “…Yes.”

Wilbur: “Look, Dream isn’t our enemy. He’s our neighbor. But, we are seceding from his tyrannical rule.”

Tubbo: “What’s ‘tyrannical’ mean?”

Wilbur: (laughs) “Big words. That’s what we use in war. Say it, Tubbo.”

Tubbo: “Tyran-zanical.”

- They argue back and forth about infinite women

- Tommy suggests that they call his land, which is in Dream SMP, an embassy instead. In return, Dream can set up an embassy in L’manberg

- Eret logs on and Dream walks away

- It’s time to make Invisibility potions. Eret joins the call and they fill him in

- Wilbur locks Tommy and Tubbo in the van until they make Invisibility potions and leaves. Neither of them want to play with “the weird neighbor’s child”

- Wilbur explains to Eret that the issue last time was not the drugs, but that the Americans got involved and now they’re making their own server where Americans aren’t whitelisted. Eret already has visa by being a European.

They’re calling it “Drexit”

- Tommy goes to his base to establish the embassy. Wilbur makes a “scum window” in the wall

- Tommy sees Dream at the embassy, telling him he has to follow the L’manburg rules on the land

- Tommy is allowed to start a “fight club” not just in his embassy, but even in L’manburg itself

- Wilbur is horrified when he notices that the holy soil has become untilled. He calls Eret over and they re-till it

- Wilbur declares the four of them the founding fathers. Tommy asks if he is Hamilton

Tubbo: “Was Abraham Lincoln a founding father?”

Wilbur: “No, he was several hundred years after.”

Tubbo: “Oh.”

Eret: “Just a few hundred years off, you know? Easy mistake to make.”

Tubbo: “Better late than never.”

- Tommy yells at Tubbo for going through his chests and threatens to kill him. Eret and Wilbur start whispering to each other and Tommy and Tubbo become self-aware

- Tommy notices Alyssa and Dream approaching the embassy

Tommy: “Good news and bad news. I’ve got you a woman. Bad news? She’s American.”

- Wilbur starts laughing so hard he has to stand up and walk away while Tommy and Dream bicker

- Tommy calls Niki on the phone, telling her they need women who aren’t American, but Niki isn’t whitelisted yet. Tommy asks Dream to add her and he declines. Wilbur tells Dream not to add her as it would delegitimize the manhood of L’manburg

Tommy: Too shay

Dream: too shay

- Wilbur, hungry, goes “manfishing,” whispering “salmon” repeatedly as he kills them

- Both Tubbo and Eret have done well. Wilbur tells Tommy he really is the “Hamilton” of their nation and hasn’t done much for them

- The signature meal of L’manburg is salmon

- Tommy and Wilbur start rapping “Non-Stop” from Hamilton the musical

- Wilbur and Tommy walk and talk

Wilbur: “Look around.”

Tommy: “At how happy we are to be alive right now.”

- Wilbur reminds Tommy of how far they’ve come, but Tommy has done very little in terms of setting up. Tommy takes Wilbur to the embassy

- Wilbur changes the sign on Tommy’s house to read “L’Manburg Embassy” and says he feels that Tommy isn’t fully devoted to the cause. Tommy doesn’t want to give up his home and tries suggesting the Power Tower instead

- Wilbur leaves Tommy and returns to L’manburg

Wilbur: “Chat…I think we’ve lost him. I think we’ve lost TommyInnit.”

- Wilbur doesn’t approve of Tommy living with the enemy. Tommy finally agrees to give up his home to be the embassy

- Wilbur tells them it’s time to don the skins

- Tommy notices that the forest outside L’manburg’s borders is on fire. In the distance he spots Alyssa and angrily runs after her

Tommy: “Wilbur! Wilbur! Do I kill the woman?”

Tubbo: “Yes!”

Wilbur: “Yes! Yes, Tommy! You kill the woman!”

- Wilbur and Tubbo start running after as well

Eret: “I thought we use our words! I thought we used our words!”

Tommy: “No.”

Wilbur: “Not in this case. Anyone -- they’ve tried to burn down our forest.”

Tubbo: “We care most about the forest.”

- They are like the Lorax. Alyssa combat logs. When she logs back in, Tommy kills her. Punz immediately shoots Tommy down, outraged that he would kill a woman

- Alyssa calls them and asks for her stuff back, saying she didn’t start the forest fire. Sapnap logs on and arrives with Punz. They start walking back

- The fire is still spreading and Tommy thinks it might be a political attack. Wilbur turns around and tells Tommy to go home. This isn’t a political attack and Tommy is too dangerous, running his mouth and talking too much

Tommy: “Tell me the thing he says in the second song of the musical Hamilton.”

Wilbur: “I think about death so much it feels more like a memory.”

- Wilbur dismisses Tommy, growing more and more annoyed as Tommy keeps on reciting various song lyrics to him

- Sapnap and Dream arrive as Wilbur goes off to get materials. Punz puts out the forest fire and Fundy has just logged on, confused

- Sapnap and Dream take Tubbo hostage in a hole in the ground. Tubbo drops Tommy an Invisibility potion

- Sapnap and Dream kill them as Wilbur arrives, losing them the Invisibility potions

- Wilbur gathers everyone in the Camarvan, a book and quill in hand. It’s time to draft the Declaration:

---

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDANCE

Signed: Wilbur Soot Tubbo_ TommyInnit ERET

Forever the nation of the DreamSMP have cast great sins upon our great land of the hto dog van.

They have robbed us. Imprisoned us. Threatened us. Killed many of our men.

This time of tyranny ends with us

This book declares that the nation which shall be henceforth known as L’Manberg is seperate, emancipated and independant from the nation of DreamSMP.

The union of the masters of men. Together we are one. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one to dissolve the bonds which bind us. Disregarding of this truth is nothing short of tyranny.

WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF EVIDENT. THAT ALL _MEN_ ARE CREATED EQUAL

The right of the people exists above the right of the king. The right of the government and the right of the economy.

From the hto dog van we shall prevail.

Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of victory.

---

- The four sign the Declaration on the roof of the Camarvan, witnessed by Dream, Sapnap, Punz and Fundy watching from afar. Wilbur frames it in the van

- An invisible person arrives in the van to deliver a second book:

---

Declaration Of War

Sometimes you just gotta kill some people sometimes yaknow - Sun Tzu

Dream SMP declares war on la’manburg

JOINT RESOLUTION --PUNZ --SAPNAP --DREAM

---

- Wilbur and Dream exchange books

- Wilbur gives some motivational words to the L’manburgians. This is how they consolidate can power. This is an opportunity

Wilbur: “We do not fight a war of – of the war of greater sticks. We’re not looking for technological advancement, right. The war we’re fighting is gonna be done through guerilla tactics. It’s gonna be done through attrition…”

“And I want you guys on my side.”

---

UPCOMING ANNIVERSARY DATES:

July 31: Fundy becomes Wilbur’s son

August 2: Doomsday

August 3: Jack Manifold joins the server

August 6: Niki joins the server

August 9: Wilbur, Tommy and Tubbo create a drug park

#dream smp #dream smp recaps #dream smp anniversary recaps #long post #that's right i'm a burg believer and I spelt it berg in the title #this one is like 50% transcriptions i'm sorry I couldn't help myself #this stream is just too quotable

195 notes · View notes