“Autism isn’t a disability”, “it’s just a difference”.
I am of lower support needs. I hold down a (part time) job. I have travelled around my home country. I live alone.
At work they complain about my speech. I’m too quiet, they say, “barely audible” is the words used at my autism assessment. My voice is all monotone, and it needs to be more expressive. I get this complaint every week for a year straight, until my manager gives up. I don’t attend trainings because I forget and find it overwhelming anyways. My coworkers form friendships, and I watch them talk, wondering how they make it look so easy. I get a new manager, I tell her I find the work socials too overwhelming to attend. She tells me I can just say I don’t want to come. I don’t know how to tell her that I desperately want to, to be like the rest of my coworkers, instead of constantly being the one sat on the sidelines.
I come home, and I can hear my neighbours again. The niggling background noise messes with my head, and I meltdown; I throw myself on the floor, I hit my head on the ground repeatedly as I scream and cry, tear out my hair and scratch my arms and face. When I complain, people tell me that I just have to accept that neighbours make noise, that I should just ignore it, or block it out. I am the problem, the one overreacting. I put in earplugs and it hurts and I'm crying again. I wear headphones but I can't handle the noise for that long.
I have reminders set for everything. Every chore, no matter how big or small. My phone beeps at me, reminding me that I need to wash the dishes. If I don't go now, then tick the little box on my phone to say I did it, it won't get done. My home is almost always a mess despite this. It's not just chores either. I won't think to wash, dress myself, brush my teeth or hair, without those reminders. And unless someone actively prompts me to do so, I will do those tasks "wrong". I haven't changed my underwear in a month, and I'm currently aware that's a problem, but within the hour I'm going to forget all over again until I'm next prompted.
I can't sleep without medication - it's not unusual for autistic people to have messed up circadian rhythms. Without my medication it's hard to even tell when I'm awake and when I'm asleep. When I was younger and at school I slept through so many lessons, and when I have my mandatory breaks from my sleep meds I sleep through every alarm I set. I want to work full time some day, and I'm terrified of what my sleep issue will mean for me then.
I don't travel independently. I don't travel anywhere alone, always with someone or to someone. If to someone, I have assistance the whole way. I find it embarrassing sometimes. Yes, I have a job that requires a certain level of intelligence. No, I cannot get on a train by myself. If I am not shown To The Train, To My Seat, I will be unable to travel.
Last time I travelled, I was left alone at the station for ten minutes. I stayed rigid and sobbed the whole time. I was overwhelmed. It was too loud, I didn't know where I was or where I was meant to be going, and until the assistance person came back I couldn't do anything because for some reason I cannot understand it.
I spend a lot of time trying to explain to people that despite my relative competence, I am unable to do many things. Why can I understand high level maths but not how to get on a damn train? No fucking idea.
"Autism isn't a disability" most severely affects those with higher support needs, and this is absolutely not to take away from them. But for fucks sake, autism is disabling.
Maybe you personally are extremely lucky and just find you're a little "socially awkward", or just find some textures painful or nauseating. Maybe you would be fine with just a couple of adjustments.
But for a lot of us, even lower support needs autistics, it doesn't work like that. I will never sleep properly without medication. I still have the self-harming type of meltdowns as an adult, over things that are deemed as being "just part of life". I live alone but have daily visits from family - if I'm left fully alone I forget all the little daily things one is "meant" to do. I had speech therapy as a child to get me to the "barely audible" "mostly correct" speech. I don't mask, I'm not really sure how I would to begin with.
I'm not unhappy with being autistic. It's just who I am. Life would be easier if I were neurotypical, but I also wouldn't be me. I just wish those luckier than me could...stop saying it's all chill and not at all a disability.
Because yes, socially, I am "awkward". I obviously don't make eye contact - I stare down and to the side of whoever I speak to. People think it's weird or creepy or a sign of disinterest. My autism assessor wrote down about how I often use words and phrases that don't make sense to others, even though they make perfect sense to me. In my daily life this means I'm frequently misunderstood, and have to try explain what I mean, when what I mean is exactly what I said, and the true issue is that what I mean just doesn't make sense to others. I gesture, at times, but again, my gestures apparently don't make sense in relation to what I'm saying. I take things literally, I have almost no filter, and I can't explain how I go from topic to topic.
And yes, I do have sensory problems. Sometimes people, including others with sensory problems, tell me that "sometimes sensory issues have to be tolerated", and I wonder what they think of as being sensory issues. I'm sure they do struggle, but if I say I can't handle a touch, I mean you will need to forcefully hold it against me for me to touch it more than a second and it will make me meltdown. If I say "I can't eat that", I mean that I am unable to swallow it, that I will gag and choke and inevitably spit it back out, as much as I try. If I say I can't handle a noise, I mean I'm so close to a meltdown and my meltdowns are a problem for everyone around me.
But yes. Autism. Not a disability. Just a fun quirky difference.
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suo. sakura. umemiya. togame. pt. 1, hiragi. kaji. kiryu. endo. pt. 2
"...and the biggest fattest one too. How'd it take him so long to figure it out? What did it take for him to finally realize?" part 2!
𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒: mention of a scuffle in Kaji's part (never happened!), general FLUUUUFFFF TOOOOWN, slight jealousy in Kiryu's part, mentions of sex on Endo's, Endo follows you around like a lost puppy (kinda is...), Soft!Endo??!?!??!?!, reference of abuse on Endo’s part
𝐊𝐀𝐉𝐈.
✦ when you both argue about your favorite musicians.
It's well known Kaji loves listening to extremely obscure artists. Hell, you can hear his music blaring from his headphones when they're over his ears, attention fully on his phone to distract himself. So for you to know which artist it was by just listening to the beats from afar, he knows he's deep in shit. He knows he already likes you but he's in so much denial. Give him time.
You both often find yourselves in little petty spats, engrossed in discussing about the artists you both listen to, you both get heated sometimes though, given how intense Kaji is--but you match it. People around you start to worry. Hiragi's ready to step in to stop a potential scuffle. But Hiragi immediately stops in his tracks when he sees you and Kaji chuckling as you pass an airpod to him. Kaji takes it and promptly places it in his ear, sat beside you.
Hiragi smiles to himself as he backs off, opting not to bother you two lovebirds.
You don't notice your arm brushing against Kaji's while you're ranting animatedly. You don't notice your knees touching, thighs flush against each other. You don't notice Kaji's ears practically glowing red at the mere contact. You don't notice him repeatedly wiping down his sweaty palms on his hoodie.
Despite all that though,
He doesn't move away.
✦ when he’s comforting you without complaining or wanting to move away from you.
Kaji's sensitive. He's got a short temper on top of that too. Privy to the slightest change in tone, change in the overall atmosphere. That's why he's got his lollipops, so he always has something to shut him up, something to stop him from barking. That's why he's got his headphones, so he could turn a blind eye to things that may tick him off.
So for him to go out of his way to comfort you, placing his headphones over your ears, handing you an extra lollipop to soothe you, says a lot. He's better with his actions, anyway.
Drawing you close to him with an arm around your shoulder, you find yourself sinking deeper into his touch. Letting your tears flow easily, gripping his jacket so tightly you fear he might slip away when you let go. But he won't. He could never leave you alone. Feeling you move away, whispering and hiccupping out a soft apology, his arm only tightens around you slightly.
"Don't apologize. I'm here." he responds, wiping away a tear from your cheek.
✦ when he catches himself wishing you were around when he’s out and about.
it's often, by the way. You can tell he's thinking about you when he's sinking into his hoodie, headphones over his ears, hands in his hoodie pocket. Definitely hiding his blushing features from everyone that passes by him while they're doing their rounds. Kusumi and Enomoto could tell, of course. But they choose not to tease him or point it out. (Kusumi sends Enomoto a message saying how cute it is though for their beloved captain to be so enamored with someone. Enomoto just elbows him in response. The both of them are rooting for you.)
Kaji often thinks about you and he hates how it makes his belly do flips when he sees your name pop up on his screen with a new song recommendation, hates how he catches himself smiling when he passes by shops he knows you frequent, hates how he wants you around him right now, hates how your schedules don't match sometimes, hates how he has to wait to see you sometimes, hates how he's always wanted to kiss you mid-argument to shut you up.
He's gonna put an end to this.
Pulling his phone out, he sends you a text.
"Meet me at the rooftop tomorrow. Got something to tell ya."
His heart skips a couple beats when he sees you typing as soon as he sends it. Almost as though you've thought about texting him at that very moment too.
He feels his face heating up when you finally respond a minute later. So quick.
"Think I know what you wanna talk about. Got something to confess too. See you tomorrow then? :)"
He couldn't hide his smile this time. It's damn near impossible to.
Tomorrow for sure.
── .✦
𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐈.
✦ when you pop up in his mind while he’s listening to music.
He could be in Pothos, earphones on with a random song playing and his mind wanders. How he thinks you'd react to the song, how the lyrics relate to you. Before he's snapped out of his reverie by Ume slapping him on the back because he's been zoning out for more than 10 minutes and his food's getting cold.
Of course he starts eating. Not without having the rest of the Bofurin muttering amongst themselves, wondering who's got their senpai blushing so deeply.
✦ when you help him out with the Bofurin boys to lessen the load, never making him feel guilty for accepting your help.
You're always there to help him out. Sorting the boys out and helping them with what they might need. Hell, you're even there on their monthly town repainting, not minding the sun beating down on your skin, sweat dribbling down your forehead while you're passing them bottles of water and towelettes. Hiragi protests sometimes, telling you to rest, that they'll take care of it. You just shake your head affectionately at him, telling him it's your pleasure to do so. You like helping them. You want to help them. Hiragi's grateful.
✦ when you keep an extra stash of Gaskun-10s on you.
Something so simple, something you'd consider a passing thought. But Hiragi's so, SO grateful you even bothered buying extras for him, remembering how much he needed them on the daily. You start hiding them in all of your jacket pockets, in your bags, pants--anywhere you could quickly pull some out just in case. Whenever he pats his pockets almost frantically, you just slide in, handing him a packet full of gaskun-10s.
The first time it happened he was understandably flabbergasted but quickly reeled it in, thanking you and promptly taking his daily dose from your hands. Had he done it a bit slower, the rest of the Bofurin wouldn't have let him live it down and he would have needed a double dosage for a couple of days.
So to return the favor, he's stocking up on your favorite drinks and snacks.
── .✦
𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐘𝐔.
✦ when you’re both talking about video games and you remind him about his daily login bonuses.
It was just a passing reminder while you were both engrossed in your conversation about the most recent game update and how fussy the past patches were.
"Oh shoot--before I forget, you got your daily rewards yet? Didn't you buy the Supply Pass for it?" you ask suddenly, causing Kiryu to pause for a bit before his eyes widen a little.
"..shoot. I didn't yet." he responds, fishing his phone out of his pocket before booting up the game. Another huge update released so he's gotta wait for it to fully download.
Glancing up at you, he gives you a grateful smile.
"Thanks for the reminder."
✦ when you'd often make the first move.
You open doors for him, hold his shopping bags when his hands are full, hell, you even stand in line while you tell him to wait by the table for your food. It's something he's not used to, truly. He was shocked by it initially, trying to take the reins from your hands but you insisted. It's no trouble. He relents, chuckling softly to himself.
"Whatever you say," he murmurs, taking a step back to take in the sight of you.
He loves seeing you in charge, he realizes.
✦ when he sees you hanging with someone else and it leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
Kiryu is a very secure man. He never lets things get to him, always brushing things off with a nonchalant shrug and never really dwells on them. But why is he feeling this way right now?
He sees you talking to someone new. A new friend, surely, he thinks. But then that person keeps texting you and you respond just as quick with a smile on your face, laughing at some joke they must have said. Huh. But then he sees you both out in public, your distinct laughter floating towards him as though to taunt him.
He turns away before you see him.
Days after, you introduce him to your new friend but you can tell he's a bit hesitant with how different he's standing when he sees this person for the "first time", how his smile never reaches his eyes, how stiff he is with the way he shakes his hand. Come to find out it's your cousin that's visiting for a few weeks so you had to show him around town.
And like a weight lifted off of him, he could breathe again. You swear you see him light up at the confirmation which left you a little confused.
what was that sour taste in his mouth then?
OH HE LIKES YOU.
── .✦
𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐎.
✦ finds every excuse possible to be close to you. (Never subtle about it too.)
stalker-like tendencies? Yeah kiiiiinda? Sure. But he can’t help it if his heart’s leading the way to you, y’know? He’s had his brains, his wit, his charm guide the trajectory of everything for his entire life — so why not listen to his heart for once? He’s hanging off of your shoulders while you’re out shopping, frozen in place because he arrived so suddenly. He’s gingerly taking the shopping bags out of your hands while you’re walking the street, heart beating out of your chest because you thought you were getting mugged. He only chuckles heartily, ruffling your hair as he walks with you.
✦ when he asks for you to stay after sex.
Goes without saying that Endo gets around. A LOT. When I say a lot, I mean A LOT. They never really lasted long though. Jumping from one lady to another man every other night so easily, he can’t keep track of them. But once you stumbled into his life, he’s cutting all of them off so quickly some of them start to plead and beg him over the phone. Their words all fall on deaf ears though as Endo’s practically worshipping your body, lavishing it with kisses and soft caresses after a couple of rounds. You soon realize it's getting late though. Easing yourself out of the bed and untangling yourself from him, his hand finds your wrist, body almost acting on its own, gently tugging at you. His voice grows softer and his eyes... You've never seen him look at you in such a way before.
“Stay?”
Another tug.
“Please.”
And you do. 'Just for tonight', you think.
✦ when you don't fault him for adoring you the way that he does.
this one’s tough. Endo is a lover in every sense of the word. So once he sets his sights on you, if you interest him enough for him to actually want to get to know you better, it’ll be very, very hard for him to let go. His efforts don’t go unnoticed though because eventually, you welcome him into your life and he makes his home in your heart. He’s also a giver. Showering you with gifts, affection, praise, help, money, EVERYTHING. Though you find it excessive sometimes, you appreciate it. So in the best way you know how, you, for the first time, reach over to Endo with an arm outstretched and he flinches as though to prepare for impact. A part of your heart breaks for him.
Nothing meets his skin. Nothing hits him.
He hears nothing but the soft thrum of your heart and your breathing.
He doesn't feel a punch across his face or a harsh kick to his abdomen.
It's gentle now.
He feels nothing but your warm and comforting arms around his shoulders, encasing him as though to shield him from the world.
Finally, he feels himself melt into you. Shakily holding you close to his chest, pressing kisses onto your scalp while he blinks tears away.
"What gives?", he chuckles, trying his best to mask his vulnerability.
"Just wanted to thank you." you respond, your grip around him tightening ever so slightly, further melting into him.
"...anything for you."
a/n: ...admittedly Endo's part was very self indulgent. Last part especially. I can't stomach the abuse okay ;;!!!!! I'm definitely sticking to this new layout. Kinda miss my manga panels kinda off to the side with a laaarge white space beside it layout though...... damn you tumblr and your 10 photo limit! ;; anywho, thank you, dear reader for making it all the way to the end! This took me a little bit to finish ;;;;;;;
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so high school
alexia putellas x reader
You know two things about Alexia Putellas.
Alexia Putellas is the school’s football captain and troublemaker. From showing up late to most of her classes, to getting caught smoking under the bleachers—usually when the name Alexia Putellas is mentioned, it’s not anything good.
That’s why the second thing you know about Alexia Putellas is that you have to stay far, far away from her.
You are the picture perfect high school student. Straight A’s, president of the student council, president of the debate team, all the teachers love you, and all the students envy you. That’s why you promised yourself that you’ll never associate yourself with someone like Alexia Putellas.
It worked out well for years. You’ve been in the same school ever since you were kids but you have never said as much as a ‘hello’ to the brunette.
You’re happy about that.
Staying as far away as possible from Alexia Putellas means you will never get in trouble.
So with the years of experience of avoiding Alexia Putellas, you don't know how you get to this point. Maybe the universe wants to teach you a lesson, maybe the universe just doesn't like you, or maybe you have simply run out of luck. Because one moment you're taking down notes and the next, your history teacher has paired you up with the person you swear you’ll never interact with.
When class is over and everyone rushes out, you go up to the teacher because this is unfair, Alexia Putellas isn’t even in class today. And when he answers your complaints with a shrug and a tone so final that you know he won’t change his mind, you know you’re screwed.
-
“I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Me neither,” your best friend sighs, unwrapping her lunch. “Can’t believe Ona is sick today and I have to put up with your ass alone.”
You roll your eyes. You’re sitting at your usual table at the cafeteria, the spot where Ona usually sits empty. “You would be nicer to me if you knew what just happened to me.”
“Did you get detention?”
“As if,” you scoff. “Now that I think about it, this is worse.”
Aitana turns to look at you, eyebrow raising in question. “What could be worse than that in your standards?”
“This stupid history project.”
“You calling an assignment stupid? That’s a first.”
You let out a sigh, placing your head on the table. “It’s because I got paired up with Alexia Putellas.”
“No way.”
You don't have to look at Aitana to know that she’s trying not to laugh at you. You grunt in reply, your friends always seem to make fun of you every time you’re miserable about something.
“You know, y/n,” Aitana nudges you, causing you to lift your head. “She’s actually not that bad.”
You furrow your brows. “You’ve talked to her?”
“Obviously,” Aitana looks at you like you’ve grown two heads. “She’s captain of the football team. I’m on the football team. Or did you forget?”
“Right,” you grimace as you remember that Alexia Putellas is Aitana’s captain. “Wait, but you’re actually friends with her outside of the field?” You shudder at the thought.
Aitana rolls her eyes. “You sound so dramatic right now.”
“I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’re friends with Alexia Putellas.”
“Stop saying her name like that,” Aitana laughs. “Sure, she brings trouble wherever she goes, but she’s not as bad as people made her out to be. And she’s a fantastic footballer.”
“She’s bad news,” you cross your arms. “Do you remember that time when she showed up to school one morning with her face so bruised up, all we could see were bandages?”
“Yeah,” Aitana says casually, taking a bite out of her lunch. “She got into a fight with someone from the men’s team.”
“Exactly!” you slap Aitana’s arm repeatedly. “She started a fight with the captain of the football team. She’s insane.”
“Men’s football team,” Aitana corrects your statement. “And was it the captain? I swore I remember it being that good-for-nothing defender. Anyway, I’m sure she had her reasons.”
You shrug. “She’s still bad news.”
“And she’s also your history project partner,” Aitana grins at you. “I have her number if you want.”
“No, it’s fine,” you sigh, once again placing your head on the table. “I’ll go look for her after school.”
“Cheer up, grumpy. I have a feeling you’ll like her.”
You scoff. “I think you’re way off, but sure.”
-
tana: oni, first day without you here and y/n is a grumpy mess
y/n: I’m in pain. Stfu.
oni: what’d I miss
tana: y/n’s on her way to talk to alexia
oni: ????
y/n: It’s not what you think.
y/n: I have to talk to her about our history project.
oni: ...goodluck?
y/n: Thanks, I need it.
tana: vry dramatic
-
You have never imagined yourself to be where you are right now. Everyone knows that under the bleachers is the spot where people go when they want to do things that they don’t want the teachers to see—like smoking, or maybe making out with someone. Or other things, you don't really know, because you have never been here.
And you won’t ever step foot in here if it’s not because of Alexia Putellas.
The second you step under the bleachers, the faint smell of smoke wafts up your nose and you have to blink back a couple of times because it’s not as bright as you expected. You figure it’s probably because it’s going to rain soon.
As you takes more steps forward, you realize that no one was there and that maybe you should’ve accepted Aitana’s offer of Alexia Putellas’ number.
You sigh and pull out your phone from the pocket of your jeans. You’re about to press the call button on Aitana’s contact when a voice startles you.
“Looking for me?”
You turn around and standing in front of you is the person you’ve been looking for.
(And you don't know why but the sight of Alexia Putellas in her leather jacket and messy brown hair is making your heart beat faster than it should.)
“I am.” you reply, walking towards her.
“The y/n l/n is looking for me? To what do I owe the pleasure?”
(You hate the way Alexia Putellas’ smirk doesn’t do anything to calm your racing heart.)
“You weren’t in history class today,” you cross your arms. “Why?”
“So you’re worried about me.”
“Why would I be?” you narrow your eyes at the brunette. “We’re partners for a project.”
“Cool.”
You want to scream at how frustrated you are at this whole thing. Alexia Putellas doesn’t care about her grades, she has proven that many times when teachers have always used her as an example of having multiple failing grades. You wonder if they’d expel her if she isn’t the superstar captain of the women’s football team.
“Look,” you rub your temple. “I’m not thrilled about this either—”
“Who says I’m not thrilled?”
“You’re Alexia Putellas, I highly doubt you’d be thrilled about an assignment.”
“Maybe for once I’m thrilled because I have you as a partner.”
“Whatever,” you roll your eyes. “As I was saying, you probably don’t want to do this, right? Which is fine, because what I’ll do is that I’ll get it done and I’ll still put in your name.”
Alexia gives you a confused look. “So you’ll do all the work?”
“Exactly. We don’t have to interact at all, problem solved.”
“You don’t want to hang with me?” Alexia pouts. “I’m sad, y/n.”
And you’re starting to feel the heat rising to your cheeks—no, it's not because of the pout on Alexia Putellas’ face showing just how plump her lips are and it's definitely not because of the sudden thought that flashes in your mind about how those lips would feel on your own. No, you will argue that it's not because of all that. It’s because it has started raining and it’s making it even stuffier under the bleachers.
“I’m going to leave now,” you announce. “It was good to talk to you.”
When you walk past her, you don’t expect her to grab you by the wrist (and you don’t expect Alexia Putellas’ touch to be so gentle).
“Wait,” Alexia starts. “We’re partners, right? I should at least contribute to something.”
You look down at your wrist, still seeing Alexia’s hand around it. “Uhm, I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Alexia lets go of her hold (and you would be lying if you say you don't feel the slight disappointment creeping in). “It’s not because of that,” Alexia clarifies. “I just want to do it.”
You still look unconvinced and Alexia must’ve noticed too, because she rolls her eyes and murmurs, “Is my reputation really that bad that me wanting to participate in my own assignment is such a surprise?”
“Yes? It’s a two-month long project. Even I’m exhausted just thinking about it.”
Alexia ignores your answer and proceeds to pull out her phone. She unlocks it and hands it to you.
You look at her questioningly and Alexia sighs. “Put your number in.”
“My number?”
“How should we contact each other about the project?”
You stay quiet for a moment, taking in Alexia’s face. She looks determined and it’s weird to you because you figure she would just accept your offer of doing all the work for her. “You’re serious about this.”
“Just put your number and we’ll figure a schedule out.”
You’re still looking at Alexia skeptically but slowly reaches out to take the phone and put your number in nonetheless.
And when you see that her phone wallpaper is a picture of her smiling (adorably) at the camera next to her dog, you don’t think that’s how a troublemaker should look like. You wonder just how much you know about Alexia Putellas.
-
Their first meeting doesn’t go well—you expected this.
You agreed to meet at the library after school the next day and you have been sitting there, waiting for an hour until you decide to give up because stupid Alexia Putellas is nowhere to be found. You are so pissed.
You get up and slings your backpack over your shoulder. You make it to the parking lot and are about to unlock your car when you hear a voice call out to you.
“y/n!”
You don't have to turn around to know who the voice belongs to. It’s the same voice you heard yesterday under the bleachers (and the voice that somehow made it to your dream last night, but you will never admit this).
You ignore the calls and keep on walking. You’re a few steps away from your car when suddenly Alexia catches up to you and jumps in front of you, making you jump slightly and halting your steps.
“Hey.” Alexia says, trying to catch her breath.
You cross your arms, scowling at her. “What do you want?”
“I’m sorry I’m late.”
“Ten minutes is late, an hour just means you never wanted to come in the first place.”
Alexia winces. “I do want to come, I swear. I overslept.”
You look unamused. “It’s 3 p.m.”
“I know,” Alexia flashes a sheepish smile. “I decided to take a nap while I wait for your debate thing to end, but I overslept.”
And you would have never believed that excuse if it’s not for the groggy voice and the pillow face she’s wearing. So you just sigh and motion for her to follow you as you walk towards the bleachers because that’s the only place you could think of going since the library is closing soon.
-
“I really am sorry for making you wait.”
You’re sitting at the top of the bleachers, you at the tallest step with your laptop on your lap and Alexia looking up at you from one step below.
“It’s fine,” your replies were short. You’re still a little bit annoyed at the whole situation. If you could’ve picked a partner for history class, it would be Ona. Ona will never be late and Ona will never annoy you this much.
But the way that Alexia keeps on apologizing every few minutes and looking away with a pout on her face when you don't respond, you’re also sure that Ona will never make your heart flutter the way it does around Alexia Putellas—and you don’t want to think of what this could mean.
-
After an hour of sitting uncomfortably under the hot sun, you figure out another thing about Alexia Putellas.
Alexia Putellas is incredibly smart and you’re surprised at how eloquent she is when she lists down everything she knows about the history of Catalonia.
“You fail almost all your classes.” you speak up.
“Yes,” Alexia nods. “What does that have to do with anything I just said?”
“I just wasn’t expecting you to say all that.”
Alexia grins at her. “Do you like surprises, y/n?”
“Uhm, I guess.” you stare back at her confused.
Alexia hums. “Then I guess I’ll have to keep on surprising you.”
You don't respond because you don’t know how to. So you focus your attention back to your laptop and try your best to type something down in order to take your mind off how Alexia Putellas is doing something to you and you’re not sure if it's a good thing or not.
-
Your next meeting starts off well. Alexia is early, you walk into the library to find the brunette already there, her usual leather jacket folded on the chair next to her.
It’s a week after your first meeting and you will never admit it, but you have been looking forward to this day for the whole week.
(It’s because you just want to get this project done, you would convince yourself.)
(Not because in the classes you have with Alexia, she always sits at the back when you sit at the front, so you never really get to see her.)
(No, it’s not because of this.)
“Hi, boss,” Alexia smiles at you. “I didn’t oversleep today.”
“That’s good to hear,” you say, sitting down and opening your bag to take out your laptop.
“I know you’re proud of me.”
You roll your eyes, a small smile on your lips. “Where do you even take your naps?”
“Under the bleachers.”
“Seriously?” you raise your eyebrows. “That must be uncomfortable.”
Alexia shrugs. “There’s a bed.”
“I’m sorry—what?”
“There’s this small mattress. I don’t know who it belongs to or why it’s there, but it’s there.”
You nod, a confused expression still on your face. “I see.”
“I can take you there sometime.”
You don't know if Alexia meant it in a flirty way, but judging by the smirk on her face, she did. So you just roll your eyes and type in the password to your laptop. “You should take me out to dinner first.”
“Okay, I will.” Alexia says it so nonchalantly and you wonder if Alexia’s stomach is filling up with butterflies too.
-
It’s not until the third meeting that you start to text each other with stuff unrelated to the project.
ale: did u know that chipmunks have 4 toes on their back paws but 5 toes on their front ones
y/n: No?
ale: well now u do :-)
y/n: Did you know that you look like you’re part of the chipmunk family?
ale: ???
ale: heeey
y/n: What’s up?
ale: nothin, just thinking about u
y/n: Why
ale: just because
y/n: Are you expecting me to say that I’m thinking about you too?
ale: you are? :D
y/n: No.
ale: whatever ;(
y/n: Why was the chipmunk late for work?
ale: did I miss a conversation somewhere
y/n: Because traffic was nuts.
ale: …
ale: I love it
And it’s not until the fifth meeting that you realize another thing about Alexia Putellas, and that is: Alexia Putellas makes you smile a lot.
You wonder what people think about when the stupid smile on your face appears every time you receive a text from her. Even Ona and Aitana have been pestering you non-stop about it and you’re running out of excuses as to why with every notification you receive, your lips seem to curve upwards automatically.
ale: u look beautiful
y/n: ?
ale: just stating what I see
y/n: Smooth talker. You’re not even here.
ale: I am, on ur right
y/n: Oh wow.
y/n: Aren’t you always out smoking under the bleachers during lunch?
ale: you pay attention :D
You stop once you read Alexia’s text because you do pay attention.
Suddenly, you can’t count on your fingers anymore about how many things you know about Alexia Putellas.
Alexia has a ‘resting bitch face’, that's one of the reasons why people are scared of her. She never smiles when she walks down the hallway, her face barely shows any emotion.
Alexia likes to intimidate people, she does that when people stare at her too long and she glares at them in return. And when they scurry away, she would smile in amusement.
Alexia likes to get into trouble, it’s like she purposely wants to get into trouble with how she picks a fight with someone every week and how she always talks back to the teacher.
Alexia Putellas is exactly how people paint her out to be—a reckless troublemaker who doesn’t care about anything and is always angry at the world about something.
But at the same time, you know that's not everything about her.
You know that Alexia is ridiculously talented at football. You’ve come to their matches enough to figure out that every time she touches the ball, it’s magic. You were there in support of Aitana and Ona, obviously. Not Alexia. (But your YouTube history being full of Alexia’s games may be because you were interested in staring at her. Not that you would admit it).
You know that Alexia is warm and gentle and she has different types of smiles. Alexia has a small smile every time she locks eyes with you in the hallways. Alexia has that smile that reaches her eyes when she laughs at something you say even though you’re pretty sure it’s not even that funny. Alexia has a wistful smile every time the day ends and you leave in your car and she leaves in hers.
You know that Alexia taps her foot repeatedly when she’s focusing on doing something. You know that Alexia has the attention span of a five year old because every five minutes, she would whine about how she’s hungry or how she’s getting tired of the library.
You know that Alexia is funny and she makes you laugh so much that you have lost track on how many times the librarian has told you to keep it down.
You know that Alexia is sweet and charming and she says things that make you want to run home and hide because your cheeks would always redden up.
You know that you like seeing a smile on Alexia’s face a thousand times more than the scowl she’s known to have.
ale: hey? why are u spacing out
And even though you feel that you now know everything about Alexia, you realize that you still don't know one thing about her.
You don’t know why Alexia is so different when she’s around you.
-
You are a problem-solver. That is one of the reasons why you’re such a good student—once you encounter a problem, you immediately think of ways to figure it out and most of the time, it’ll only take you a couple of hours to do so.
And so, you are baffled at how you still can’t figure out the mystery of Alexia Putellas.
You’ve spent most of your time together wondering why Alexia seems to smile more when you’re there or why no one but you sees the sparkle in Alexia’s eyes that is brighter than any stars out there, but the answer seems to never come to you.
So when your project has finally ended and you would no longer have your weekly meetings at the library, you should’ve noticed the dejected look on Alexia’s face and that should’ve given you a clue to the answer you have been so desperately searching for.
But apparently you’re not that smart after all, because once your last meeting ends, you bid Alexia goodbye and go home to spend the rest of your day watching Netflix.
And when Alexia doesn’t text you at night like she usually would, you don't think much of it and let yourself sleep instead.
-
You don't see Alexia the following week. She’s not in the cafeteria, or in the hallways, or even in the classes you share once you look to the back of the classroom where she usually sits.
Alexia doesn’t text you either and you know you should’ve text her first, but you figure Alexia is just busy so you don’t reach out.
And when you don't see Alexia in school for another week but Aitana and Ona see her at practice, you realize that Alexia has been avoiding you.
-
You have never been good with feelings. Especially if it involves someone who you have swore you would stay far, far away from.
So you have been ignoring all these feelings inside of you, ignoring the way your heart speeds up at the mention of Alexia, ignoring how your dreams are now filled with Alexia’s sweet face.
But it’s reached a point where you can’t ignore it anymore because the ache in your heart after not having heard from Alexia in weeks was getting bigger and bigger.
It’s that yearning in your chest that causes you to walk to Alexia’s spot under the bleachers in hopes that she’s there. And when you see her leaning against a pole, one hand in the pocket of her leather jacket and the other holding a cigarette, you finally admit that you might be in love with Alexia Putellas.
“Hi.”
You could see Alexia slightly jump in surprise at your voice. She turns around and her eyes widen when they lock with yours.
“y/n.” Alexia says, her tone clearly showing that she’s not expecting to see you.
“Are you avoiding me?” you jump straight to the point.
“What? No. No?” Alexia stammers, throwing her cigarette to the ground and stepping on it. “What makes you think so?”
You simply scoff and step closer to her. “I’m not stupid, you know.”
“I know, you have straight A’s.”
“That’s not what I mean,” you glare at her. “I haven’t heard from you in weeks.”
When Alexia doesn’t reply, you add in a whisper, “I miss you.”
Alexia still isn’t replying, she just keeps on staring at you with a look that you can’t comprehend.
A second later, when Alexia reaches forward and pulls your face towards her and you can taste the smoke on Alexia’s lips, you realize that the answer you’ve been searching for seems to be simpler than you anticipated.
-
Now you don’t remember why you promised yourself to stay as far away as possible from Alexia. And you don't know how you could be happy about never having spoken to Alexia before.
Because with the way Alexia picks you up in the classes you don’t have together just to walk you to your next class and the way Alexia always waits up for your debate club to end before driving you home, you can list down a hundred more reasons why you should always stay near to Alexia.
Because Alexia feels like sunshine and Alexia makes you feel like you’re always walking on clouds.
Now when the name Alexia Putellas is mentioned, you knows it’s everything good in the world all at once.
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