#whereas here i've been cooling down with the takes entirely

[crockersbian]

worst part about tumblr is not feeling ashamed enough or anything about an old Deliberately Confrontational Opinions Post to actually delete it but not wholly agreeing with it anymore (including Thinking Its Technically Correct But Missing Some Framing/Nuance/ETC) to the point that some random finding and reblogging it activates flightorfight

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑆𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑢𝑠 𝐵𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑘! 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐿𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑟 𝑊ℎ𝑜 𝑁𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑊𝑖𝑛𝑠

Song Inspiration: Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars, and "Everything works out in the end" ( especially that one and that damned trend in TikTok)

Insipirations: this, this

Warnings: Dumbledore Slander, Reader calling Voldemort "Noseless Bitch", a whole lot of angst at the end, fluff in the beginning.

A/N: I changed my phone and no one told me how hard it's to text on a big and tall phone, I'm crying frustratedly but I'll manage.

"𝑆𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑦 𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒, 𝑏𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑦 𝑠𝑝𝑎𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑏𝑒ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑑."

-Gᴀʏʟᴇ Fᴏʀᴍᴀɴ

Sirius Black never felt like he could finally breathe.

It wasn't the rhytmic one his lungs already did by itself, no. It was the breathe of freedom, of all the tortures he went through and goes through to end and have his own life.

Away from his parents and their stupid ideals, if that was possible.

And his wish had come true. When he went into the train that would change his whole life, the 11 year-old boy Sirius wasn't aware what was waiting for him in there.

Three friends that would become his family, and a girl that would become his everything.

After he met and befriended those three boys and settled down with them, he still felt... empty? He wasn't entirely sure at that time, but the older he had gotten, the more he swore that his soul and heart already knew that it was missing its other part.

And that part came in the shape of a girl with unruly hair from running, panting from running to reach the train on time.

"May I seat here- Oh, it's full... I'm sorry to-" you stuttered out nervously, suddenly having the eyes of the four boys made you nervous as you started to take a step back. You were worried you disturbed them by how silent they were but was shocked when one with dark hair shook his head and patted the seat next to him.

"No, no, not all! Here, all the others are probably full anyways, we can fit!" James insisted hurriedly as he pulled Peter towards himself and you smiled, putting your trunk next to the door as you sat down beside the black and brown haired boys who you knew to be Sirius and Remus later when exchanging names.

And you pretended your heart didn't flutter when Sirius smiled at you before he showed you a cool rock he found before he arrived in the gar, as all of you laughed together and hoped that all of you would be in the same house.

Now, you were both a Marauder and also not. At least not in the way the other four were. They loved, even adored, pranking people and running away as chaos ensued whereas you rather sat back down and watched, sometimes assisting them and most often than not, help them out of detention. Because as they always liked to point out Minnie loves you more than any other student even though she refuses the claims of her having favourites.

Which was, in a way, true since she never gave you detention even if she knew the truth behind you standing before her desk with a bored look.

"Sometimes, I wonder how you can be friends with those four Miss Y/L/N..."

"Believe me, professor, I've been asking the same for four years now."

But, behind that golden student persona, laid another personality of yours. One that you didn't show around much but proved you to be a true Marauder...

Your snarky comments.

"I still don't understand why you are having a diet, love? Can you say it again?" Sirius asked as he eyed your plate with... a disgusted look as you frowned and hit his chest playfully. He wore his usual soft and boyish smile as he always did with you and leaned on his hand as he stared at you softly.

"Because I have a large tummy, Sirius, and stop calling me 'love'... It makes every girl here get mad at me." You groaned while continuing to eat, leaving Sirius confused as fuck.

Because, why would you think that the soft tummy he always adored to lay his head on was something to get rid of?

What was this abomination of behaviour?

"But... where will I sleep on? Who will I cuddle with?" He made his best puppy eye imitation as he wobbled his lip under your unimpressed eyes.

"I'm not gonna go and change my whole body, Sirius. I'm just gonna loose some weight. Stop being... dramatic." You had to contain yourself at the end of your sentence at how offended he looked when he let out a huge gasp, making you worry about his poor lungs, as he flipped his hair away. But... It was always nice to see him "agressively" motivate you and cheer for you, since y'know... He was your crush for the past 2 years or so. There were times you wondered what he really saw in you worth to cheer so loudly for, but then you realized how he just showed a rock he found to you when you were 11 and...

It made sense.

Sirius Black, behind that Casanova attitude, was trully a puppy. Adorable and full of love to give... Even if he did it by flirting.

"Then... don't get me wrong, but why are you eating that couldron cake?"James cheekily exclaimed from in front of you as you squeezed your eyes at him threateningly and pointed to him. "You are walking on thin ice, Potter... Any minute that I can go to Lily and-"

"Oh, is that Y/N having another cheat day I see?"

When all of you turned to look at where the voice came from, both you and James didn't back down from spitting a curse at the sight of Julie.

One of the many girls who fought for Sirius' attention and then insulted him when he didn't accept it( which was a shock to not only you and the Marauders, but to the whole school because why would he deny her so suddenly when he was the one flirting with girls all the time?)

Remus did know why, but Sirius made him swear to never talk about it so now, he was just watching as Sirius completely made a fool of himself in front of you every time you were near and snickered to himself.

Now, you were a simple girl who had simple priorities. If someone were to have a problem with your friends, they would have to face you... Just like how you gave hell to those gits who made fun of Remus at your first year and still continued to haunt them. "Getting cheated on by your boyfriend I see?" You noncholantly told her as you took a huge bite of your cake and looked at her with doe eyes as Sirius spurted what he was drinking as he choked, Remus watching you proudly as James' jaw hang open, all of them staring at the girl who had no chance to bully you as usual as she blushed and stuttered, suddenly feeling cornered.

No one had stood up to her after all, which was probably the reason why she had an ego as big as her ass and zero personality like her brain.

"Excuse me?!"

"Yeah, you are worried about the wrong person eating a cake, Julie, because your man is out there eating someone else's cake!" You spitted angrily as she ran away to find wherever her boyfriend was, completely sure that you were fucking with her...

Which you weren't.

"That's my girl." Sirius proudly said as he looked at you in complete adoration and you blushed. Sirius always knew that you were different, different to him and with him. The bond between you two was simply different, more deeper than the one he had with others, especially James.

He didn't let anyone braid his hair, and fall asleep on him( also doimg the same to the other one) after all. Or listened to gossips you had and even adding more to it... Or daydream about them all the time, wondering how it would feel like to kiss-

It was you why he dropped that old persona of his and now was a commited man to you... Not that you knew about that.

His entire focus was now on you, he always followed you around like a puppy and did everything you asked for... or didn't ask for, because in his eyes, you were royalty and you deserved to be treated as one. He carried your books, got you treats from Honeydukes and let you braid his hair which said enough of his feelings already.

And it was cute in your eyes, really. The way he flushed when you beamed at him and thanked him... It would have been better if he didn't demand a kiss every time he did that but, yeah. And who were you to deny that whenever he would be left dazed after those cheek kisses?

Though you always did as he asked with a cheeky smile and cute booping to his cheek, those were the times you wished you could be cruel enough to hit his head with a heavy book because of how much they made your heart beat faster and dream about him... or loose sleep because of thinking too much.

Were all of these a game to him? Was this real? Was he playing with you until he found someone else? Why would he love you that way? Would you two ever end up together? What would his lips feel against your-

Either way, your life was pretty amazing and a bliss even though the female population of Hogwarts hated you with some exceptions. Such as Lily, Mary, Marlene, Pandora and Dorcas.

Yep, Gryffindors really attracted the Slytherins for some reasons.

"In your dreams, Sirius, In your dreams..." you patted his back softly and whispered in his ear which made him sweat and blush, watching you walk away with Pandora on your arm while giggling at something she said. He was left absolutely flabbergasted while staring after you, dreamily looking with his head on his fisted hand as he played with what was on his plate.

"Definetly my future wife..."

Then, he continued to tease you with that nickname which would always end up in a bickering which was a common occuring in the Halls and classes, which often made the teachers get curious why, and he lived for those moments when you barked at him with an embrassed frown because he could get to watch you since you never realized what was happening around you when you were angry.

"Stop calling me that Sirius!"

"No~"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"What the hell are they screaming at each other for?" Remus asks to James as he reads his book without lifting his eyes as James munched on his sandwich. He shrugged his shoulders. " The usual. Him not confessing his feelings and all."

Which was becoming a lot to bear watching as Sirius would always follow you around... which ended up with a book on his head all the time.

But, even if you were seemingly irritated by him and his clinginess, it was quite the opposite. You couldn't start your day without seeing that goofy smile as soon as you got our of your dorm, or watch hım roast someone who made a mean comment about you.

Or that time when he fell from his broom in Quidditch practice because you were wearing his number and name on your back and... he felt a certain way which made him loose his balance and fall as you giggled, thanking Lily internally for convincing you to do that after saying how much Sirius liked you.

His good looks, his attention to everything about you and his fun and kind personality were what drew you to him and you knew from the moment you first met that you would end up together, or you would fall for him.

But what made your feelings get stronger was his... enchanting, beautiful and big eyes. They were so full of love, adoration, and most of the times, mischief. They showed what he always felt at the moment, what he thought and they were trully the mirror of his bright soul. You really loved them the most about him, when people would always praise hım for his good looks, you always pointed how pretty and expressive his eyes were, only to those who knew how to read him.

The first time you said it so casually yet lovingly as you patched hım up, was the day he actually confessed his feelings after getting teary eyed. Because for the first ime, someone looked past his looks and saw his soul and how much weight was there sitting uncomfortably on his heart, waiting to be lifted by someone else... Someone who understood him, and how lucky he was that the person was you as he kissed your lips softly.

And you believed in his honesty by looking at his eyes and accepted to have a date with him, knowing full well that you would fall for him.

You just didn't think it would be him falling for you harder with each passing day.

Seeing their two friends, completely different than each other, being so happy made all the Marauders and the girls happy for you two. Only negative side affect was that seeing ghe absolute simp Sirius had turned to be.

"Okay, folks, it was nice to have you all but I gotta go!" He slapped his knees joyfully as he got up from the cushion in the Common Room with a happy smile while his friends looked at him weirdly.

"Where are you going? You never pass a hanging out together!"

"Miss wife wanted to go stargazing, I can't say no to her-"

"The-the what now?!" James' jaw hang open as the girls awed at Sirius and how in love he looked at the mention of your date and how he called you his wife, making him blush deeply as he smiled. It wasn't a secret that Sirius was one hell of flirty man, especially more than usual now that you two dated, but they didn't know he was smitten with you that much.

Enough to already plan calling you his wife one day.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot anxiously at the teasing eyes of his friends' eyes, the girls praising him for caring so much about you as James took a silent note to learn Sirius' tricks. He felt his cheeks heat up slowly as the awes rose up more, making him stand up abruptly and run away from the common room.

"Uh... Nothing! Gotta go, see you later guys!" He ran away as soon as possible with a heart beating harsh and hard against his ribcage, a heavy blush on his usually pale cheeks. It wasn't like he was ashamed for his actions, hell no! He was so damn lucky to have you, so grateful for you to have accepted him after your date and so lucky for finding someone who... understood him.

From the very moment when you two met.

He still remembered how anxious he was at the sorting ceremony. Your group in the train promised to always talk to each other and hang out no matter which house you guys were sorted in, and he still remembered how you noticed his anxiousness as the ever careful girl you were.

That was when he told you about his family after you sat down in the station, arriving to the school and letting others go. He knew it was way too early, but he also knew that you must have heard some things about them anyways and still befriended hım quickly without a worry.

He told you how he wanted to be sorted in Gryffindor, just to piss his Slytherin family off, but was scared of everyone's reaction since his family didn't have the best reputation. He was afraid of the Slytherins' reaction if he was sorted in a different house, and also the reactions of the house he would be sorted in since he was... seen as evil.

No matter which house you are in, we will be here Sirius, was what you told him as you held his hand thightly in yours and hugged him, squeezing him to yourself as he stood frozen for a few seconds...

Before he hugged you with tears in his eyes.

And indeed, you were right. The Slytherin side of his story was proven right but the other one never happened. That was the first time he realized how you always knew what would happen as he ran at you and hugged you happily with a twirl, making you also laugh at his happiness.

It would be years after that moment that he realized what that skipping of his heart meant as he hugged you and let you tug him towards the table where he was greeted by his friends as he held your hand under the table, feeling secure and safe for the first time...

Breathing for the first time.

He would always feel those insecurities and fears, no matter how long it had been, and would fear fighting alone and putting you in danger now that everyone knew just how much you meant to him but when he reached to where you were waiting for him, he knew that the promise ring in his pocket was very worth every problem you two might face together even if his friends would tease him to hell and back for being a simp.

This was real, he felt real and that ring would forever be the sign of it.

He was being emotional again, wasn't he?

Him being an absolute supporter of yours was no joke, though James and Remus often teased him with it. But they knew why he was so clingy and always with you.

Sirius never really felt true, unconditional love. And if he could show it with being a "simp" and always hanging off of you, he would do it because then... It would mean that yes, he was here and he got out of his torture and was living his best life.

But, of course as the goofy person he is, he didn't show that sentimental side of him and rather used it... to scare you by jumping on your bones whenever he saw you or showing that clinginess at its best.

For example when you speak with Lily or any other girls excitedly about a movie in the muggle theaters as Lily would suggest to go there all together and he would casually come and offer to come with you guys- because he knew for sure that the word would reach to his mother and piss her off, knowing that she wouldn't be able to do anything about it since he no longer was the heir-

Or he would always pull you to his lap as the Marauders planned their next prank while you especially made sure that they would let go of poor Snape, and let them do whatever they wanted to do, as he played with your hair and nodded absentmindedly, looking at you in a daze as your hand rubbed his chest lovingly, ready to do whatever made you happy.

Holding you thightly to never let go of you.

Now he knew he was protective of you, but he just couldn't help it. You were so kind so sweet, and unique. You caught the attention of many others, and that was something he couldn't let happen.

Not that he was jealous, of course not. He was the Sirius Black, why would he feel threatened by some boy?

"Sirius, what are you doing?" You turned your head to look at him as he laid his head on your shoulder, nibbling at your sensitive skin and leaving hickeys.

"Hmm, nothing love... Just kissing you."

"I can see that, enjoy it then~" you let your hands twirl his curls softly as your other one took the wand out of his hair and let the rest of it fall down on his shoulders gracefully. He smiled naively at you, not aware of the devious plan you had in mind...

Before you grinded on his lap. Hard.

He whimpered into your neck as you smirked, faux worry lacing your voice as your hand slipped inside his shirt from his collar. "What is it, love? Are you not feeling good?"

"You little minx, you are doing it knowing what it does to me..."

"Hmm, maybe?" You innocently said with a tilt of your head and smiled at him cutely as he groaned.

"I'm gonna get back-"

"Can you guys stop making out in front of us? There is family and children!" James yelled out as he closed his eyes alongside with Peter as Remus just continued to eat his chocolate without a care...

While James was peaking at you both through the gaps of his fingers.

"Shut it, Potter." Sirius huffed out as he pulled you with himself and right towards his dorm, feeling...

For the first time, uneasy.

Both because of something he couldn’t explain and the war raging just outside of the school as Voldemort got closer.

But, as the man he was, he chose to ignore it. You both were strong and had each other, there were many other wizards and witches fighting alongside you and if shit went down, he wouldn't care and just disappear with you.

They could take everything from hım, down to his riches and even his life.

But not you, Merlin not you.

Because as much as he denied, Sirius was dependant on you. His heart and soul craved you, called for you and you were the heart and soul of him. You were the reason he kept going, the reason he believed that all of this would end one day.

You were the reason he woke up for the next say as he watched your peaceful face and body pressed to his and imagined a... Family life with you.

And for those dreams to come true, to have a little you running around and after hım happily, nothing would happen to you and he and you would walk away from this War together, hand in hand with plans for the future you get to have with him..

Right?

The answer would be something he would never want to know, one that he feared.

One that destroyed him and whatever was left of him as he was left with the broken shards of his once happy picture...

All because of his arrogance.

When tragedy hit the Potters, Sirius' first thought was to go and find that rat that gave their place away. He knew people blamed him for it, and he also blamed himself for not listening to your warnings about Peter and how he seemed... Off.

But he didn't care about the past anymore. He didn't care about his mistakes or what they brought to him...

Frankly enough, when he was supposed to care about it the most... he didn't, and there was only one thing in his mind: Revenge.

But all thoughts of seeking his revenge went out of the window when he reached the house of his friends, and was met with a note from none other than Voldemort himself, his sarcasm and triumphant voice almost reaching to his ears from the note on the yellow paper.

You should have listened to your wife, Black. Maybe then, she would have been alive to save you all...

Sirius sank on his knees on the ground right before the house of the Potters, his bestfriends, as he crumbled on the pavement with the note still in his hands as he looked at the dead body of his best friend, eyes unmoving and dead, knowing that Lily was also dead somewhere in the house.

It was Voldemort after all, he would have made sure to destroy anyone who could danger his plans.

"Why... Why did you have to do it, love?! W-why?!" He yelled as angry tears left his once shining eyes, the eyes you always complimented hım whenever you looked at hım.

Now, they were glimmering with tears, sadness and grief of loosing his loved one, his one and only.

He lifted his head in agony, his heart squeezing painfully inside his chest as his hand thightened around the fence, his ring weighted him down gradually and looked at the night sky as if something would suddenly help him out of this hell.

But he knew it was a futile attempt, the sight before hım was enough proof of that.

And he was left with the consequences of his mistakes.

"Why did you leave me to remember you for longer than I have known you... We-we," he coughed up harshly at the constrict his throat did, hitting his chest as if the pain would somehow make it not feel real. His eyes widened suddenly at remembering the locket around his neck, bringing it closer to his face as your smiling face came to his view and he tearfully smiled back, his finger trailing over your happy face delicately with eyes squeezed in pain and lips pulling up to form an "O", as if there was something in hım that wanted to say a millions of different hings but was forced to shut up.

He remembered how he teased you for being such a simp for him that you bought this locket for yourself, so that you kept him close to your heart ( as if he wasn't just as equally if not more enamoured by you) and you rolled your eyes at him at that time, telling hım that he would always be in your heart until you died and even then, you would love him forever.

He regretted not telling you at that time that he loved that little necklace more than anything and his heart beated painfully full of love at your adoring gaze. He regretted not telling you how much he loved you and how you would never get out of the confines of his heart even if you died, that he would never be able to forget your voice, your face and your love.

After looking at it for quite some time, only sobbing and swinging back and forth deliriously, Sirius let out one final heartwrenching cry of your name as he collapsed fully and laid there until the others found him.

"We had dreams together, why did you h-have to... I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for failing you! Please forgive me!"

Now, his life was once again incomplete. There would no longer be the lingering warmth your body gave off even after you got up long ago to prepare breakfast for both of you.

There wouldn't be his coffee and breakfast waiting for him on the kitchen table with a cute note from you.

He wouldn't be able to prank you by scaring you as you screamed bloody murder and he ran away all around the house laughing like crazy.

There would be no more late night dates on his bike as you both stopped at a hill and made out for hours, watching the stars together.

There would be no more snuggling while watching movies together as you scolded him for eating all the popcorn.

There wouldn't be laughter that gave hım hope and enough will to fight more.

There wouldn't be soft-spoken pillow talk after a passionate night, imagining your future and how one or two children who had his eyes and curls and your smile and personality would be so nice as the image of you playing with them while he took pictures would make hım smile and got teary at it.

There wouldn't be a lover who understood him and was there for him before anyone else would.

There wouldn't be an... another you to love.

And it was all his fault.

In the end, Sirius Black was left alone, as a mad man after the woman of his life was taken from him.

He was belittled by his entire family, couldn't protect his brother and as a result lost him, his best friend was killed by one of his friends and the blame was on him...

And now, he was left to rot in Azkaban, unable to take care of his godson, everyone thought he was guilty...

But none of them hurted him as much as the promises he couldn't keep, promises of a bright future and a safe place, always protecting you... to you, to everyone.

And now... He was left as the shell of the man he was, he lost the love of his life, unable to love you and cherish you like he promised in his vows, the meaning of his meaningless life. He promised to give you a life full of love and peace, he promised he would even buy that cottage-like house you both dreamed about.

In which you always replied with: "As long as İ have you, everywhere is home to me."

He would often tease you with kisses every time you did this, knowing that it was just a simple act to hide his tears from you- because holy shit, there was someone who loved hım that much and he got to have that for the rest of his life! He was really going to have the life he always wanted, with the love of his life, and he proved to everyone that he wasn't like his parents!

He was ready to have a family, marry you and have a life away from the war and everything, prove to whole world that he wasn't anything like his family.

But now, all of his dreams were... gone. Just gone, alongside you.

The Marauders once was James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Mary, Marlene and Y/N... Jolly students who either wrecked havoc or amazed people with their quick wit and smartness.

Then slowly, to six, then five. And now... Only three, with one of them refusing to ever talk.

And never again, mon amour would ever leave his lips in a soft spoken whisper as he kissed your forehead with both of you naked underneath the blanket, even if he hated French since it used to remind him of the pureblood nonsense to him but now, it was rather something he used to fluster you and see the cute blush on your cheeks.

He had no one to call as his family any more, my wife leaving his lips early in the morning like an ancient prayer.

Only thing he would remember for years even after Azkaban would be your last words, written on a simple note before you took on your journey to find Voldemort before he reached to the Potters, your friends, and get them killed.

Even when he begged you not to.

And it would be only years after that event, 12 precisely, that he would learn you found one of the Horcruxes and destroyed it just like his brother.

I know the path I had taken is dangerous, my love... But when you arrive to my side, which should better not be too soon, I will be waiting on that house just a bit away from the hill, just like we dreamed about...

I will always love you, and guide you like a lighthouse when you loose your way, Sirius, my greatest love.

Please don't loose yourself for revenge. Our deaths are not your fault, especially mine. Because I know for sure that you will blame yourself for it. It was my choice to do what I did, so that when that noseless bitch faces his equal, he would loose for sure.

Just... Live for me, and for Harry. He will need you a lot and if you learnt anything from this... Don't listen to what Dumbledore says even a second and get Harry away from him. To him, we are just pawns in his game and he doesn't care whether we die or not.

And... know that as I die, you will be my last thought, my dear husband. You were,are and will always be the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I am proud to be your wife even it was for a short time.

I love you, Sirius Black, the one who made my life better, my husband.

And as he cried his eyes out, screaming your name from the top of his lungs as his engagement ring swing around his neck, laying on the cold floor of his cell, he felt nothing.

He didn't feel his heart, his brain... his soul anymore. You were the only thing keeping him going, the only thing that brightened and warmed his heart with your childish laughter, you were the one that gave him hope for waking up the next day in this damned war...

And you were the only smart one to realize what Dumbledore always planned for them, without a single care for their beings, and who the real traitor was alongside your friend .

But as he replayed your last words in his mind like a mantra, there was a new fire, a scaring new, spiteful fire that he never had even when he saw his friends' dead bodies, only when he learnt of his little brother's death, did it start slowly... But your death was the reason why it had become the size of a Fiendfyre.

He might be a loser in everyone's lives, and his mother might have been right about that part of him, but... There was one thing everyone, including his parents forgot about:

There was a reason they were called "The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black" and there was a reason he was born as one.

But for now...

For now, he would wait. Silently. Crying until the day he gets to meet you once again, never daring to take his life since he promised and he... had to keep at least this one.

For now... He would let the rage slowly consume him until he wasn't the Sirius he once was.

For now, he wouldn't feel anything except sadness and pain, mourning your death until the day he died.

For now, he wouldn't feel.

Except only the cold tiles of the ground he was seated, knees close to his chest... And the screams of despair and pain of other prisoners in the Azkaban.

A chuckle leaves him emotionlessly, as he clutches his ring.

He was trully a loser.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Him and I

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Wife!Reader

Summary: Daryl and his wife get separated at the fall of the prison but both manage to escape with another member of their crowd. After the reader and Glenn find Abraham and their group, almost after accepting they'll never find the rest of their families, they stumble in to Terminus. Will they be reunited or will the current state of the world impede them once more?

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drugs, violence, swearing, mentions of loss, feeling of anxiety/dread.

A/n: This fic is directly based on a request (that tumblr ate) by @bringinsexybackk69! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to get back to this, it's honestly just been so hard for me to write things that aren't blurbs and with the lack of TWD content, it's been dry over here. Thank you for your patience, I adore you! This is not entirely canon since my memory is faulty and I can't currently watch TWD so I'm going off of vibes and vague memory.

When we got to the prison, we thought it was going to be the end all, the place we could stay for as long as we chose to live, where we would raise children, form new bonds and relationships, just overall be safe and enjoy life.

But we thought the same thing about the farm and we all know what happened to that dream.

When the prison fell, I assumed that I would never see any of my family again, my closest friends, my husband. I woke up, alone, on the floor of the prison after Daryl shoved me in a cell and told me to stay put. It took nearly an hour for me to fight my way through walkers to get out into the air and that's when I saw the tanks and Hershel.

My heart broke.

When I found Glenn, I had a little bit of hope that we'd find people the longer we looked around the prison but the longer we looked, the less we found and the more dangerous it got. We were trapped and we couldn't wait around for people to show up. So we left.

"Glenn, where would Maggie go? If something happened, where would she go?" I ask Glenn frantically as we walk side by side, gun by gun, down the rural gravel path, my feet kicking frustratedly at stones with every step we take.

"I don't know, Y/n. We never thought we'd ever be away from each other ever again." Glenn is more frustrated than I am, jaw tense and fists clenched at his side. Without us, I'm convinced he wouldn't last, he's so emotional and gets so easily frustrated whereas I am the opposite.

Cool as a cucumber.

Just like Daryl taught me.

Daryl and I met at the farm.

I stumbled, quite literally, upon them with my arm bit and my whole body sore from carrying my own weight at least a mile or two. I'd say that our first impressions were kind and that we fell in love at first sight but it wasn't and we didn't. He, with the assistance of Hershel,  chopped my arm off to prevent the infection from spreading and inevitably saved my life.

We were all shocked to see that it worked.

Daryl would take care of me, bring me things from the forest like little flowers that he claimed to remind him so much of me even though he'd joke that I'm nothing like a flower. He'd bring me food while I was resting in bed, he'd offer to take me on walks- overall, he was an angel and it was hard not to fall in love with him.

He'd tell you that he fell in love with me when I nearly fell in the well three weeks after my amputation.

Don't ask.

We were inseparable from then on in. He was my right hand man (pun so much intended) and he taught me everything I needed to know. I learned how to hunt with one hand, cook, skin animals, fend for myself because he always wanted me to feel and be capable if anything were to ever happen to him.

He's the most selfless, kind hearted, protective man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

When the farm was overtaken by walkers and we had to run, it was the first thing to really test mine and Daryl's relationship but also to test my lack of two arms. It was difficult for me to keep up and it was even more frustrating for Daryl to take care of me while saving the asses of everyone else.

"Are you good?" Daryl asks me, spinning around on his bike to look back at me with a worried expression, brows tugged firmly together in fear. He checks me out once, doing a once over to make sure I'm a-okay and when I nod, he loosens up a bit.

"I'm okay. Just a little spooked." I'm trembling like a leaf against him and he finally steps off his bike and moves to wrap his arms around me without another word.

He holds me tightly to his chest, cradling my head as softly as he can as tears flow freely from my eyes, my arm aching in a phantom pain from all the stress of wishing I was more capable, wishing Daryl didn't need to take care of and comfort me all the time.

"I got you, okay? I'm here."

When we found the rest of the group and found the prison, it was like we were drawn to it. We had to clear it out, we had to make it our own, make it safe. We had a baby on the way, Lori was nearly due and with the loss of a few of our people, we needed to regroup and have a place where we could just be.

But it fell, it went to hell, like everywhere else had since the world fell.

When we Glenn and I escaped, it wasn't exactly a match made in Heaven. We weren't the most compatible to work together, always bickering and fighting over the stupidest shit and ruining plans, just like siblings.

But after days and days of walking and arguing, we found Abraham and it was as if everything just got better. It was no longer the two of us and, after all those years of not seeing him, it was strangely nice to be reunited with him on the road.

"Abe?" The ginger's head snaps around at my voice, turning away from his two friends with wide eyes, gaze locking on mine as I grin ridiculously, my feet carrying me towards him without another word.

"Well holy shit, where did you come from?" He chuckles heartily and I feel tears springing behind the lids of my eyes. "I missed you, kid."

Abraham and I were stationed together in the Middle East for too long, learning the ins and outs of each other and becoming true best friends. When we went home, we kept in touch but when the world fell, we became a background thought in each other's minds.

So the fact that we found each other, a state away from where we grew up, it's still remarkable to this day.

Glenn and I felt better once we were with a group of people, especially since we were genuinely going to kill each other had we been stuck, just the two of us, for any longer. It was nice to meet Rosita and get to know her interesting relationship with my old friend, their oddly sexual relationship keeping the rest of us up in the middle of the night.

It made me miss Daryl, meeting all these new people- I had no one to judge people with. Glenn was no fun and always played devil's advocate and Abraham was who I wanted to judge. Daryl would've gladly sat with me and made me laugh while pointing out Rosita and Abraham's obnoxious issues with PDA or making fun of Eugene's mannerisms and nerves around Rosita.

It was alienating, how much I missed him.

My other half.

"Glenn, I don't know why you think Maggie would go to some random, probably overran 'survivalist' camp. But I think we have a better bet just wandering around looking for them." Abraham looks at me with a funny look, reaching out to shove at my shoulder as an attempt to get me to lay off Glenn but I just shake my head. I lean over Glenn's shoulder, looking at the ominous note that 'Maggie' left him and I can see the hope written on Glenn's face.

"I just have a feeling, you have to go with me on this." Glenn spins around on his heels, holding the note up in his hands with a stern, hopeful smile. "She left me a damn note, Y/n." I look back at Abraham, Rosita and Eugene and they all give me a simple shrug which forces a complaint sigh out of me.

"What you say goes."

Terminus obviously was not what we thought it was, tossed into train cars like animals and expected to turn over our weapons. Abraham called bullshit first, not daring to turn in his weapon before asking a few more questions but it was those few more questions that got us thrown into our makeshift jail in the first place.

I had accepted at that point that I would never see him ever again, that Daryl and I would never be reunited and never spend the rest of our lives together like we so desperately wanted to. 

But when he stumbled into the train car two days later to my surprise, eyes falling on me and arms immediately tossing around me, it was shocking. I didn’t even think that he was real, the way his arms felt around me, after days of not having him near me- it was an out of body experience. 

“Are you really here?” I ask, tucking my face in the crook of his neck, gripping onto the back of his shirt as if he’ll vanish from my grasp if I let him go even the slightest bit. He clings to me the same, hoisting me up into the air as I spot Abraham watching us with a proud smile on his lips that makes my stomach flutter with happy butterflies.

“I’m really here.” He whispers, rubbing my back soothingly as he sets me back down onto the floor, looking down at me with kind, protective eyes. “Fuck, I missed you.” His hands reach up, cupping my cheeks in his hands, ignoring the looks that everyone else in the car is giving us. “Where have you been?” He asks, finally taking a look around at the people around us with a relieved breath.

“With Glenn.” I huff, seeing Glenn, who has his arm around a relieved Maggie, sends me the finger from across the trai car.

“I’m so sorry.” Daryl mutters with a laugh, wrapping his arms around me again, tugging me to his chest with the plan of never letting me go.

“Never leave me alone again.” 

"What're you thinkin' about?" Daryl’s voice snaps me out of my memories, my head turning to look at him as he sets a hand on my shoulder, a soft smile on his lips. "I can see the smoke comin' out of your ears." He teases with a wink, sitting down beside me on the log that I’ve plopped on and I lean into him, letting him wrap an arm around my shoulders. 

"Thinking about when the prison fell. When we were apart."

"Why the hell're you thinking about that?" He asks, brows furrowing and a look of worry passes across his expression as he tugs me back into him, clinging to me once more just like the day that he found me. "Worst days of my life."

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[assorted-things]

My thoughts on Dune: Part 2

Spoilers under the cut! I've just been to see the film so this is probably rambling and not very coherent:

Count Fenring is my favourite character in the entire series, and I am a little disappointed but not surprised that my BESTEST GUY isn't in it. It sort of makes sense that he would be cut, as a lot of the stuff that makes him so cool I think works best in a book where you have narration and characters' interior monologue. A lot of the stuff where he finally meets Paul is very...internal, and I think it would be very difficult to make it work in a visual medium. I am still a little disappointed, mind you :(

I loved Margot! She was quite unnerving, just like how I imagined her when I read the book

I think the most noticeable change for me was Jessica pushing Paul into taking the Water of Life, whereas if I recall correctly she was more reluctant in the book

I thought the music was excellent - I loved how the Bene Gesserit theme gradually started to creep more and more into Paul's scenes

Equally I liked that Paul's fight with Feyd-Rautha didn't have any music - it made it so much more impactful because of the contrast with the loud battle scenes

Gurney actually singing a song was delightful!

I love the costume designs for the Bene Gesserit

I understand why they made the changes they did to Alia - trying to get her to be book-accurate could have unintentionally come across as comical to people not familiar with the books

The gladiator scene looked amazing and Giedi Prime is just how I pictured it - both films have done a great job of showing the huge scale of Dune's setting, and I can't wait to see how Paul's throne room will look if we ever get Dune Messiah

The worm-riding scene was fantastic and made it look absolutely terrifying

My favourite change from the book is the way that Chani was expanded on as a character - much as I love Dune, I think she was a bit of a flat character in the books, so I like that they gave her more to do here

I think the film did a good job of portraying the fanaticism around Paul as frightening rather than ~heroic~ - the themes from the book about the dangers of charismatic leaders, and how the Fremen are exploited, are definitely put across

Having the battles take place on-screen, unlike in the book, makes Paul's holy war seem more...real, I guess? Reading about how effective the Fremen are is very different from seeing it portrayed on screen, and even having read the books the prospect of them going to war on the great houses really made me go "oh shit"!

But also, the portrayal of how badly the Fremen are treated by the Great Houses did have me rooting for them a little bit despite knowing full well what happens next, which is great because it means the people unfamiliar with the books are really going to have the rug pulled out from under them when Paul causes the deaths of sixty-two billion people

The scene at the end where the worms come through after the Shield Wall is broken down was awesome

Most importantly: Baby Worm!!!!

[desultory-novice]

So some more details for Kirby and The Circle of Time:

Some lore I'm including for this is that Kirby and Zero both spawned from Void in its orb state, whereas Eifilis spawned from Void in its beast/Termina form. As such, Kirby and Zero warp space in order to surpass time,,whereas Eifilis warps time in order to surpass space. Kirby and Zero also act more like blackholes,,whereas Eifilis acts more like a sun.

Marx here is still very chaotic neutral. He's helping the main crew because "Kirby owes him a ten tier cake." Of course, that partially a lie, for he does care for Kirby. He still wants that cake, though.

Magolor acts as the party shopkeep and the sort of... lore keeper of the group. He appears at random locations,,selling various upgrades for party members and also dropping hints at lore for this game.

Shadow Kirby plays a huge part in saving our Kirby.

Hi Winter!

Elfilis as an offspring of Void! Oooh, I've never heard of that before! I really like it!

Plus "warping space in order to surpass time" "warping time in order to surpass space" Hello?! That is SO cool sounding?!

Plus the black hole/sun comparison!

I love your description of Marx's motivations, his false ones and his real ones! And I've always thought Magolor would be a great RPG shopkeeper! I'm glad someone's going through with that!

As for shifting the project...

You know, there's nothing wrong with that. Programs like RPG Maker (not sure if you were thinking that or not) are supposed to make it very easy to make an RPG but... that's only an RPG if you're using their resources. I should know, I tried to make one for a different fandom I was in. 

I ran out of resources about one town in and found I was spending sooo much time making custom stuff I wasn't progressing on it at all. (And that's ignoring the time spent making custom character sprites/portraits for my party.)

And if it's story-based/has a good story (as I believe it does, based on what you've told me) then you're not losing much by writing it as a fanfic! Just some random battles, and who needs those, right?

...I do wonder about Nintendo take downs though. I've heard they can be brutal, but there's another Kirby RPG project that just came back from the dead and Gamble Galaxy (?) Stories didn't seem to run into any trouble. It's true that would be a really awful way for your project to end though.

(That's partially why, for my own Kirby fan game, I've been thinking I might just work on it entirely in the background. Not doing anything more public than the kind of vague hints I've dropped before.

And then, when it's done, just drop the thing on social media *BAM* and run!! Hope that people circulate the tapes after the ninjas get to me! They may take down The Crazy Idea, but at least the version traded back and forth on secret Discords will be the full version, and not a demo doomed to be forever unfinished!)

As for your last ask...

God, I would love that! Honestly, I feel like that is a worthy fan-game project all on its own! I don't know how complex it would be, as Chao Garden seems to have stuff in it that people are still figuring out to this day (?) but Chao Garden as a (mini) game really ought to have dozens and dozens of spiritual sequels.

I think what makes it stand out from other "collect cute pets" game like Neko Atsume or that recent bunny island game that just came out IS the interaction element. You can walk around and tour the garden on your own two feet. You're not just collecting adorable PNGs.

But given that Waddle Dees are already shown to have slight color variation in Kirby and the Forgotten Land.. plus Key Dees and Golden Dees... And oh, giving Waddle Dees little animal features!!

Yes, that would be good.

If it's not in the cards for the fandom to make, maybe HAL will grace us with a mini-game similar to that down the line...!\

[rollercoasterwords]

rae.... how are u...... how's life.... what are you reading rn & is it good? how do u like ur tea? what's your fav sentence you've ever written? and most importantly how's the weather!

hi hello!! what a nice message i'm doing good life is fun rn i'm on a little. weeklong vacation been having a good time walking around + exploring etc...got 2 pet some sheep got a fun manicure bought a bunch of presents 4 my friends + family went 2 a spa!! 4 the first time fun new experience...getting a tattoo tomorrow afternoon which i am v excited abt <3 unfortunately the trip is coming 2 an end i have tomorrow & then half the day wednesday before i take a train back home in the afternoon and then i have. one week!! 2 pack up my entire apartment + say goodbye to all my friends before i move...life is a whirlwind rn & it's mostly fun atm but next week i'm worried that the sadness of leaving behind the city(&country!) where i've lived for 2 years is finally gonna start settling in </3

as for reading i've been in a bit of a book slump lately...been wanting something fast-paced + fun but haven't been able 2 settle on something new to actually pick up & start...i did finally start reading volume 1 of marx's capital this past week but it is. SUCH slow going...i'm taking notes + reading it in v small chunks 2 try & absorb it all so i haven't even finished ch 1 yet lol

i am not a big tea drinker 2 be quite frank!! i much prefer coffee but i have recently sort of given up coffee 4 health reasons...still treat myself 2 a fun coffee beverage every so often but she is no longer a daily staple in my life </3 so i have sort of been replacing her with. peach iced tea <3 which is very easy 2 find here & satisfies my craving 4 a cold sweet drink...generally speaking i'm not a hot-drink guy i like iced beverages & that holds true 4 tea...i like it iced & sweet...except i don't like sweet tea (us-south version...sorry southerners). & when i do drink hot tea i want it 2 be sweet...i want honey or sugar...some milk as well...& my favorite hot tea is yuja tea <3 the kind that looks like jam + comes in a big jar & u mix it into hot water. DELISH that was my winter beverage this year i drank it religiously

favorite sentence i've ever written. well i don't have one...i've written many sentences that i love i simply don't think i can pick a favorite <3 ONE of my faves that i can name off the top of my head tho is the last line of thtf! also wrote a song this year w some of my fave lyrics i've written chorus goes "and if i'm a rabbit/you can cut off my feet/and if you are hungry/what's my body but meat?" which i am quite fond of i'd include that in the favorites list <3

as for!! the weather!!! there was a big storm at the beginning of the weekend so it was very rainy + windy for a bit but honestly i liked it because the temperature dropped so much that it was actually quite pleasant outside for most of friday + saturday...cloudy & drizzly & a little cool. but the sun came back full force by sunday so now it's. SO fucking hot & it's incredibly humid as well...honestly think i'm getting used 2 the heat & humidity tho it's not destroying me the way it did last summer...still hate it tho >:( moving 2 a colder climate soon & while i'm sure i'm going 2 freeze 2 death come november after years of getting used 2 mild winters right now i am just. REALLY looking forward to cheating my way out of summer...should start cooling down in september right when i'm moving whereas if i wasn't moving i'd be expecting another month of heat...#lifehack

[ir0n-moon]

hi! i was wondering how you decorate those bujo journals in like..the metalocalypse theme? haha i hope you don't mind answering, i think its really cool!

I love this question! Thank you for your message, it really made me smile.

First I take a bunch of screenshots I like from the show. I print them out in a reasonable variety of sizes, usually no smaller than 3 cm (1.18 in) and no larger than 12 cm (4.72 in). I cut them out with an x-acto knife, and glue them to the page with a regular old glue stick.

Note that the main reason I print most of these in black and white is that I don't own a color printer. Also I edit the images before printing! I find that simply making them grayscale looks kind of boring, so I just mess around with the brightness/contrast settings until I like them.

I do like to print some of them in color at a copy center whenever I get the chance.

However, I have come to notice that having them in B&W means they'll look fine regardless of the color of the markers I use, whereas I feel the need to be more mindful about harmony when the pics are in color.

Which brings me to the next point. This is the brand of markers I use, there's nicer ones available all over the place but honestly this is an entirely optional part. Some people use cheap highlighters or color pencils. Some people use no color in their bujos at all. It's all fine, it just comes down to preference. I have a bunch of these markers in different colors and have made a collection of different palettes I can make with 3-4 of them at a time.

I've been wanting to try and make a bujo theme that's more true to the aesthetic of the show but that would involve whipping up a bunch of money for dark/gothic washi tapes, stamps and stickers which are not super easy to get around here (and the few ones available lean more towards the wholesome goofy Halloween-y type than the brutal and macabre) so I'll be sticking to "normie" cutesy color palettes for now lol.

Regarding the page layout itself, there's a million tips and tutorials you can find online for all kinds of bullet journal spreads. Pinterest is great for inspiration. What I like to do myself is choosing a very loose idea of a layout, arranging my Metalocalypse cut-outs on the page and only gluing them and adding text and lines once I'm happy with it.

Thanks again for asking, and please DO send another message if you have any more questions or would like a more in-depth explanation! I'll be more than happy to answer.

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

Action Comics #1054 - Loved Superman going all Naruto with a susanno, loved how PKJ portrayed Supes in line with both the original Golden Age attitude (he calls Metallo a bully and takes him down a peg) and the softer modern incarnation (he offers to help Metallo save his sister). Reads just like Morrison Superman does. My one complaint is that we're still falling back on Metallo spamming kryptonite. All the upgrades he got from Warworld tech, and he's resorting to that yet again? Disappointing. Metallo isn't a total jobber, he's crippled Kara, beaten Conner and Jon, kidnapped the Super-Twins, built an army, he's kicking ass and is dangerous... except he can't even seem to scratch Clark himself. Henshaw calling Metallo a loser does seem to be true. I have a notion where this is going, I think Tracy is either going to die or be revealed as the leader of the Blue Earth group, and Metallo will join that movement to get revenge on Superman for her death, or to work for her because she's the only thing he cares about anymore. If Metallo gets to kill Henshaw and PKJ sets him up to return down the road for another big arc where he finally kicks Clark's ass, that's good enough for me. Otherwise, much as I've enjoyed this, I can't say PKJ has succeeded with Metallo the way he did with Mongul. He did however make me realize the one big Superman trait Metallo contrasts with that I'll write about at the end of this arc.

Green Arrow #1 - Never been a huge Green Arrow fan, an odd thing to say considering I read his entire Rebirth run start to finish, but I enjoyed Williamson's Superman so much I decided to give this a shot. Cry For Justice was actually one of the earliest stories I read because my library had a trade of it. Insane that this is where we finally get a reunion between Roy and Lian. Otherwise I thought it was fine, not sure about the cosmic aspect of things, but I intend to read the first arc at least.

Unstoppable Doom Patrol #2 - Doing a piss take on the Krakoa Era X-Men right as I've become bored with them post-Hickman is just what I needed. Cackled at the data page jab, and also Culver lampooning how stupid it is for every magic group to just slap "Dark" on their title (knock it off Johns). Robotman launching Worm into orbit to prevent him from blowing up the Shelter was hilariously fucked up, should hopefully assuage the people afraid this would just be a knock-off X-Book. That's pure Doom Patrol right there, even more so with the reveal that Velvet is the true double agent. Peacemaker is a bastard and a great villain for the Doom Patrol, Culver has me fully on board with the Suicide Squad being the true antithesis to the Doom Patrol. Loved Burnham's depiction of the Shelter, FINALLY some cool superhero bases again! I missed that

Detective Comics #1071 - Interesting experience reading PKJ Action and Ram Detective at the same time, because they are both aiming for long epic runs that redefine their respective franchises. Action works better for me because it never loses sight of Superman being at the center, whereas here we get an issue full of lore dumping with Batman barely featuring. At this point I'm losing track of all of these new characters and the MacGuffins they're squabbling over, plus yet another retelling of Ra's early days. V's best work has been with Two-Face and Mr. Freeze, these Orghams are rather dull and derivative of other would-be usurpers, and I don't care about them anymore.

The Riddler: Year One #4 - How? How is this so good? How is a movie tie-in written by an actor who has never written a comic before running laps around experienced writers?

Blue Beetle: Graduation Day #6 - Surprisingly strong ending. Probably the best bridge between the original Giffen run and what the movie is changing. Looking forward to the ongoing now.

Sins of Sinister: Dominion #1 - Think I'm as sick of Sinister as the X-Men themselves are. Moira attempting to reclaim control of the narrative was nice, now how about we actually DO that by making her more than a mustache twirler? Unless the solicits are lying, Emma, Hope, Exodus, and Charles going into the Pit is going to be undone quick, but perhaps at the cost of resurrections. I give this event a 7/10, a huge step down from Judgement Day.

Invincible Iron Man #5 - Think I'm out, Fei Long and Tony's rivalry is stupid. Long just picks a fight with Stark for no real reason other than "I want a rival!" and while there's some justification beyond that, it's bound up in the Avengers not claiming Mars while the X-Men did. If this was Long wanting Stark's company to help Orchis, and Tony thwarting him being what kicks off their personal enmity, then it would be better. Instead Duggan tries to jump right into making things personal, but the crux of their fight having roots in another franchise undermines the whole endeavor.

Hulk #14 - Terrible ending but I expected nothing less. Had a chuckle at how heavy handed the letter from Samson was, might as well have been Ottley going "yeah sorry this run didn't go the way we wanted with Cates bailing, here's Bruce reset back to status quo, good luck to the next creative team!"

Doctor Strange #2 - Honestly I preferred Clea as the solo lead. The book is fine but it's not gripping me the way I want. I'll give it until issue 6 to pick up.

W0rldtr33 #1 - It's great, Tynion doing another horror book how could it not be? Jesus Christ though, somehow this is hitting even harder for me than the Department of Truth did. Internet as a demonic entity could come across as corny, but damn if Tynion doesn't make it terrifying.

[acacia-may]

He is very muchba side character in Black Clover, but a penny for your thoughts on Hamon Caseus 🥰

Hello friend and fellow Little Tree appreciator!🌲 I'm always happy to hear I'm not the only one who gets attached to the tiny side characters! Hamon is great, and I had a lot of rambles about him. However, I've put them under the cut because spoilers.

Thanks again for the ask and for playing my Penny for Your Thoughts ask game! 💖

(Warnings: Black Clover Spoilers)

Hamon is just delightful! His magic is really cool and very creative, and he's just a nice guy--what's not to like? 😊 He has such a positive attitude towards everything. There's this scene (in Episode 80 during the Royal Knights' Exam) that always makes me laugh where Charmy is literally climbing him like a tree in the background looking for food, and he just shrugs the whole thing off with a laugh. 😂

I'm fairly certain that Hamon is just the type of person who is pretty much up for anything, and it was really such a great moment when he offered his support for Finral and his plans for their team in the Royal Knights' Exam. He basically had the: "Well that sounds good to me!" attitude without a lot of question or hesitation, and the reader/watcher (having been following the Black Bulls around) knew what that meant to Finral and it really endeared Hamon to me.

Also, it's nice to know the Golden Dawn isn't entirely full of stuck-up, snobby sticks in the mud, right? I'm kidding. I love the Golden Dawn, but they certain have a lot of really intense, overachieving, type-A personalities there, yes? Whereas Hamon certainly has that desire to succeed, but he still seems to know how to have fun. I love that scene where he puts together that impromptu "concert" for Puli to sing to the rest of the Royal Knights. (Speaking of, I have no idea what was going on between them but I'm here for it! Hamon and Puli friendship? Camaraderie? True Love? (I don't know) for the win, y'all!)

It was very tragic how his story ended so prematurely, but he proved what a brave and outstanding person he was in the end when he was literally willing to die to protect his friends and his squad.

And for that reason, I've picked the song "For You" by Keith Urban for Hamon who made the ultimate sacrifice for his friends.

I’m not trying to be a hero I don’t wanna die But right now in this moment, you don’t think twice And I wonder, would I give my life Could I make that sacrifice If it came down to it Could I take the bullet, I would Yes I would, for you

For You - YouTube

[matfinishfuckstheworld]

haven't done enough 'self care' today been just zoomin zoomin zoomin doing chores most of the day (and socialising which is Good but tiring). so. entire meme time.

s/i meme :D

give us a quick run down of your s/i!!

mat finish is basically just my Ideal Self. they are a sadomasochistic hedonist, they are shameless, they are an assassin. all of these are somehow intrinsic to my identity because i've always loved hitmen and to me violence and sex have always been the same thing.

post a meme that describes your s/i.

where does your s/i live? do they aspire to move or are they content with where they are?

mat tends to travel the world and occupy wherever they need to. sometimes they will settle and be a cool city assassin who is tied to a specific mob or similar.

but often they struggle with commitment, just like me, and the natural ebb and flow of attention on their activities leads them to drift around more. it's a necessity more than a choice.

often it's the f/o that makes them want to settle down anywhere.

what's a song that describes your s/i? even better if you have a playlist!

okay here is a random one from their playlist.

leather by tori amos is so good because it is so sexy and so tragic.

i think that sense of seeking sensation in a dizzying way but ultimately falling victim to wanting to be loved tender. it's the thing that is 'missing' for them (not for everyone! just for them).

thats their inherent contradiction.

what is your s/i's profession?

mat is an assassin, but as stated, it tends to be fairly random as to how and what subset. i put them everywhere because most of my fandoms are crime-themed or crime-adjacent, so it is easy to stick them just about anywhere.

what does your s/i have most in common with you? what's different about them?

we both want to fuck the same people lol. we are both desperate for affection.

as for differences... i do not murder people!!! but i am i would say a work in progress who is trying to learn to be less hurtful to the people in my life, and i feel a great amount of guilt for the way i have been in the past. perhaps thats why ive always had an affinity for villainous characters and why i take such a sick pleasure in punishing mat for their extreme and unambiguous crimes.

mat has a higher pain tolerance (and pain/arousal threshold) than i ever could. i'm the kind of person who it takes a few tries to get what i need done at the doctors and thats if i manage at all. i want tattoos someday but i am nervous about wasting my deposit if it's too much for me. so mat is wish fulfilment in that aspect. they are resilient in such a twisted way and i would much prefer that to what i am now. i am soooo drawn to violence and to the idea of having my mind and body made into a canvas for someone elses designs and abuse. but i can't actually do that. :(

as psychological masochists we are about equal, but there's only so much that mp3s can do to my addled brain whereas mat gets real horrible people who want to get inside their mind and do horrible and irreversible things to break them down.

if your s/i was an animal, what would they be?

tricky to say. i think they are dog-coded. this is counter to me as i think i'm pretty cat-coded lol. but call them a good boy and you can see the wagging tail in their eyes!!!

maybe they could be a wolf. (i think so too.) stereotyped as an independent and brutal predator, but actually dependent on the protection of those around them.

how did you get the idea for your s/i's backstory?

mat was originally a vbros oc because i wanted a venturesona who could fuck rusty and brock lol. and there are such sexually charged assassins in the vbros universe. so it was a natural fit for my interests. i decided that because herr trigger was just such a fun design and concept (he literally fucks his guns and i am SUCH a gunfucker.), he was an ideal mentor for them, but generally outside of vbros canon they have a similar figure - a dangerous mentor they are raised by and who is responsible for the death of their parents, someone who is unerringly confident, sexually perverted but without involving them ('daddy needs his alone time with his ak-47 ok why don't you go outside and play with the ice machine'), someone they are all mixed up about - they look up to them, they want to be with them, they want to be them.

mat was intended to be that kind of deconstructive, 'where are they now' look at a specific child hero subtype the way that rusty is that for johnny qu3st. specifically, they are the trained killer girl who is all grown up and had so much transmasc swag that they weren't a girl actually and has a MULTITUDE of intimacy problems that they try to pave over with sensation and sick thrills.

give us an example s/i outfit (or describe it).

mat's signature look is all black. turtleneck + bondage harness that serves no actual purpose except to signal their perversion. big coat that they look a little too small for only further emphasised by the skintight rest of their ensemble. boots! boots.

what are some of your s/i's major skills?

well you see. they are very good at killing people. also masochism-as-superpower allowing them to withstand torture. very silly. but sexy.

what is your s/i afraid of?

their few extreme sources of pleasure becoming dulled over time until the only thing left is to fucking die.

they envy their marks, a lot.

if you had to compare your s/i to an already existing fictional character, who would it be?

well, given their first name and backstory, obviously mat is strongly inspired by math1lda lando. i have... difficult feelings about the film she originates from. i watched it constantly as a child while daydreaming about escaping my own abusive situation some similar way. being swept off my feet by a killer with a heart of gold and granted the power to execute my own revenge against everyone who ever wronged me. and falling in love with my killer mentor too even though they will never love me back.

then i found out about the backstory of why besson wrote that film, and what happened to portman during/after filming, and also i mean i only ever watched the european cut, and it all left such a disgusting taste in my mouth. i felt lied to even though all of the subtext was right there, but i was a kid! i didn't know better! so i guess i was eager to reclaim the feelings i had for the movie as a kid and rewrite them in a way that didn't have a genuinely harmful context.

the roles portman has done as an adult contributed to mat too, at least unconsciously. bl4ck swan is queer psychosexual fodder and it doomed me. and i mean, lé0n is not her only intimate fucked up mentor-mentee movie. v 4 vendetta is too. regardless of how you feel about the changes from the comic, that movie was sooooo much for me as a kid. the mindgames, the transformation through torture, the violent subversion, trans energy of becoming v (even though it was actually the comic that followed through on that properly) it was so formative to everything i value today.

this is the first time i have actually addressed their original inspiration publicly. it's a can of worms i was hesitant to open. in the same sense that vbros played with the kid hero archetypes and made them all fucked up adults with weird proclivities, mat is an expression of just another kid archetype in media, grown up and fucked up. so, in the same sense that rusty is so much more than just grown-up johnny quest, i would ask that mat is not seen as literally mathilda, because... they're not, and i think if they were, that would only be perpetuating the harm of the movie.

mat takes some cues from mathilda, but she wasn't their only inspiration. mat is ultimately just... me. they are the me that looked upon dizzying adolescence (spending most of it as a 'teenage girl') and suddenly being seen as a sex object with decreasingly safe clothing and behaviour options and the victim blaming terror of sexual assault and pregnancy being drummed into me and having nothing but abusive relationships as a model for romance. as an adult, i tried to carve out my own sexuality and vulnerability in a way that wasn't so fucking uncomfortable. i wanted to accept objectification and assault but in a degendered form, in a form that could also be tough-guy masculinity as much as it could also be the penetrability we inexplicably (well, explicably but we would be here all night) read as feminine. mat is the culmination of all of that work and psychodrama and i am rather pleased with how they have turned out and transcended their initial inspiration.

has your s/i's story changed since you created them or has it stayed relatively the same?

the basic premise has stayed the same, but they have different versions for different universes. so, of course vbros has canon characters to take the roles of people in their backstory, and i've been building up their dc version, manikin, solely to selfship with hugo, and then there's their psychon4uts version in the grulovian mob, at odds with the titular organisation.

[mrsackermanx]

18+ Minors do not interact.

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝘏𝘦𝘳. (25/?)

𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: A shot entirely from Levi’s POV, of his and the reader’s first time together.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 6.4k

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Virgin Sex, Impact Play (Spanking), Loss of Virginity, Soft Levi, Love Confession.

I watch her as she talks with Jean and Eren, throwing her head back and laughing so carelessly, like this world we live in isn't so bad. Like we can all handle it. She has that way about her, a way I don't possess, her face invites you in, she comforts and soothes, whereas I cannot even bring myself to smile the majority of the time.

"Levi!"

I clear my throat, it's almost like she knows whenever my brain is straying to a dark place, and then she's by my side in seconds. Immediately providing me comfort with her smile.

"Want me to help you clean today? It's four and you like doing it at four, don't you? I haven't helped you in a while." she asks, beaming at me and placing her hand on my shoulder, she keeps it there only a moment, but I can feel her touch long afterward. I wonder if she knows that I'll be thinking about that over and over, until the next.

"Yes thank you." I answer, melting under her warm eyes as she looks at me with such earnest.

"Let's go!" she chirps, hooking her arm through mine, her eyes shining as she skips beside me, urging me to as well. I just shake my head at her and continue walking, and she laughs, still tugging on my sleeve.

"[Name]!"

"Hey Hange!" She breaks from my arm to wrap Hange in a hug. When Hange lets her down, pointing to Moblit's sketch of Eren in Titan form, both of them coo and screech at it.

"So cool Hange!"

"Right! Come by later and I'll show you the rest!"

"I will, see you later! I'm gonna help Levi clean!" she tells them, waving Hange and Moblit away and joining my side again.

"I love it here Levi." she muses, the way she speaks, the reflective look in her eye, the power she possesses, she's like Erwin in that way. Like life is so much more expansive and joyful, like there's more, she even makes me feel that way, and I even believe her sometimes.

"Yeah?"

"Mm."

I feel my eyes soften as I look at her, and it scares me as I catch myself for a moment, so I straighten my posture and adjust my cravat. I can't. When she was introduced here as a Captain, I had my doubts, but it's been two years and I've grew so damn fond of her, so fond that my mind often goes to lewder places, ones that I'm embarrassed of.

"You walk so slow!" she moans, locking her fingers through mine and walking ahead of me to my office. I only huff and it just makes her giggle, she never takes me too seriously, not like everyone else. I don't fail to notice how my heart jumps when her fingers entwine with mine either.

We finally reach my office and she goes straight for my cleaning supplies, grabbing my white cleaning scarf and nearing me with it.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my throat thickening as she folds it in a triangle and walks closer.

"I'll put it on for you."

"Why?" I ask, backing away to my door, she only walks closer, a mischievous grin stretched across her pretty lips.

"Can't I take care of you sometimes?" she replies, blushing slightly.

"I want to do something to you-"

To me?

"I mean for you!" she flusters, clutching her face and turning away. "For you!"

"That's f-fine...you can do what you want." I stutter, trying to keep my composure, she turns back around and hesitantly floats the scarf above my hair, before tucking it in front of my ears, and tying it securely at the nape of my neck.

I gaze at her as she does, her fingertips are fumbling, unlike when they're confidently clicking and swooshing around in the dips of the gear I've seen her expertly man. Her lips pulled between her teeth, and her throat gulping, I breathe out deeply, as the pads of her fingers fuse with the skin of my nape.

"Soft." she mumbles to herself with a sweet smile, and her eyes twinkle as she smooths them up further, right up my undercut. A dreamy expression dusts her features, as her fingers flick through it, until she looks up into my eyes and her face drops—when she realises what she's doing.

"Levi I-"

"It's fine." I smile, making her eyes widen even more, and her hands freeze their exploration. Her arms stay draped around my neck, her forearms pressing against my shoulders, she's never touched me for this long before.

"Wow! I've never seen that before." she smirks, moving a hand to pinch at my cheek before letting it fall to her side. I want to tell her she can put it back where it was, but at least there's still one resting at the back of my head, cradling it so gently. It almost makes me laugh, like she needs to be gentle with me, but yet she chooses to.

"You won't see it again." I taunt, narrowing my eyes at her, but a shred of a smile still remains.

"Nope there it is, still there." She grins, reaching up and poking the corner of my lip, her hand resuming it's gentle strokes to my hair. I twitch a little, my head moving back from the touch, but she doesn't remove her finger, she's frozen, watching my every reaction. I grab onto her wrist, and pull her hand to my lips, I kiss her finger and then place her hand back on my shoulder to mirror the other.

"I want to see more of you Levi and I-I want to be the only one that does." she blurts, my cheeks burn, and her hands move to my cheeks, her fingers smoothing across my jaw.

"You already do." I say simply, because it's true and I'd never lie to her. She brings her body closer, and I feel a need possess me to have our bodies pressed together, with no space, I want her heart to beat for me, right against mine. I want to feel the warmth of another human for the first time in my adult life, I want her.

"But not just that." she whispers.

"Then—what?" I dare ask, as she moves her face so close, I can see every freckle, every wisp of eyelash, every plump curve of her twitching lips as they wobble between her teeth.

"I want to finally know what you taste like." she gulps, before I can even process the burn that sears through my skin at her words. She crashes her lips into mine, I freeze for a moment and she pulls away, I can see fear, and it strips away the heavenly expression I'd just seen. She's questioning herself, and it's not something I see often.

"Did you not like that?" she asks gently.

"I just wanted to be the one to do it." I smile once more, snaking my hand to the back of hair to knit my hands through the strands as I pull her lips to mine. I want to taste her too.

"I want to taste you too." I pant, I savour her lips this time, slowing the pace down, letting her know I'm not going to rush, I'm going to take my time. I slide my tongue past her lips, and she moans softly, I can barely control myself, every whimpering little breath makes my head spin. This is warmth. This is what another person feels like, what she feels like.

She caresses my cheeks and neck as we kiss, and we fall against the door, rolling back and forth against it, as our lips catch each other. My scarf long ripped off and left laying alone on the floor.

"Your bedroom." she pants, I look at her and her lips are swollen and covered in saliva, it steals my voice. Like she had never seen my smile, I've never seen this face either.

"I've never done anything like this [name]." I confess, holding her gaze, I brace myself, telling myself I can accept any answer, I could die a happy man right now, just maybe, this could be enough.

"I haven't either, but we can do it together, can't we?" she soothes, falling into my arms and wrapping her arms around my waist as she nuzzles her face into my chest.

"Are you sure? You want it to be—me?" I gasp, I don't know what I expected, maybe for her to pull away, laugh? She's never mean, she's always so soft, she never demeans, never pokes fun but-

"Yes, it's only you I want Levi. You're my favourite thing..." her voice sweetens even more, I feel her cheeks raise as she surely smiles against my chest, "Person." she corrects, "Levi."

"Stop." I blush, grabbing her shoulders and gently pushing her away to study her face. I believe her, but I need to hear it again.

"So do I, but do you mean that [name]?"

"Levi, it's only you."

"Really?" I ask, she rolls her eyes, but not in the horrible way, in the way that says Levi, you're such an idiot, I'd never ever lie to you.

"You're blind." She grins, putting her hands on my cheeks and pinching them, I glare at her and it only makes her laugh, of course.

"Well then...That's my favourite thing...in this world and you, too. Obviously." I whisper, she stops to look at me, her lips curling up.

"Mm? More than tea?" she chuckles, rubbing her thumbs over my brows, and squeezing my face together.

"No." I grab her wrists, and nibble one of her fingers and this only makes her smile even more, and before I can even blink, she leans over and covers my lips with hers again. I can feel her eyelashes flutter against my cheeks as our faces smooth together, it tickles. I move my hands to her waist and slide them under her shirt, as hers lock around my neck, and I can feel the heat of her skin beneath my palms, it's calming. I'm not the only one burning up here, I'm not embarrassing myself.

I fall against the door slightly when she jumps up but I quickly grab the undersides of her thighs, not letting us fall, and hitch her over my waist.

She pulls away, and kisses my nose, "Your room." She doesn't need to tell me twice this time, I keep her pressed against me as I walk forwards into my room.

I drop her down onto my bed and climb on top of her, I sit her up, pulling away her jacket and undoing her buttons. I start to kiss her neck and her breaths become even more broken, like her body can't keep up with it, even though she's fumbling with my buttons like I'm a fire she needs to put out.

"Why now?" I groan, as she fastens her lips to my neck, and sucks right where it curves, making me groan out into her ear, only spurring her movements.

"Because I saw you, standing there watching me and I thought you looked too damn good, I thought-"

She pulls my shirt off now, just as I slip hers of her arms, she's wearing a nude pink bra, it's a dusty rose colour and her breasts barely fit it. I feel my cock throb at the sight, especially as she starts to smooth kisses over my chest, as I struggle with the clasp resting against her spine.

"I need it now, I need you now. I can't wait anymore, seeing you everyday, you're all I think about. I feel crazy." she pants, as she drags her lips down the centre of my stomach, sucking and licking at the skin, until she reaches the button of my trousers.

"I feel the same [name]." My heart warms as her eyes scan mine with hesitance, like she's revealed too much, but I can take it, I want to hear it all.

"I want to make you feel good, I think about it...often."

"Tell me more." she teases, as she unzips my trousers, my hands are still fiddling with the clasp of her bra, until finally I push it the right way and it drops, the cups bunching at the top of her chest. My mouth drops when I see her breasts, and I can't help it when my body acts for me. I grab her shoulders, push her down against my pillows, and rip her bra off. She shoots both of her arms out for me to tug it away, instantly following my lead. I then straddle her waist and grab both of her wrists in my hand and pin them above her head. She's speechless, as she nervously licks her lips, I can see she has no idea what I'm going to do, but I also worry I've went too far.

"Shit. [Name] I'm sorry." I whisper, dropping the grip on her wrists, while my eyes adorn her bare heaving chest.

"Look at me." she whispers silkily, it makes the hardness between my legs feel all the more suffocating, the way she looks at me, those eyes, I know what she's saying already.

"Have me." she says calmly, but the look in her eyes is everything but, it's wild, and it makes my blood burn so hot. I can for a moment barely keep my eyes open. My heart can barely catch up to the speed it's now running at too, fuck. "Do whatever you want, I don't care, it's you."

"Shit [name]. Tell me to stop, if it gets too much." I stammer, before thrusting eager and wet kisses all over her collarbones, while I let my hands finally wander over her breasts, twisting and circling my thumbs over her nipples. The louder I groan the more turned on she seems to get, as she grinds against me.

"I won't." She smirks, lurching her body up to match her crotch with mine, she knows what she's doing. She whines so perfectly below me, its making me so much harder, because I can't imagine what she'll do, and how she'll sound when I really touch her.

I spend time sucking and kissing her breasts, closing my teeth ever so slightly over her erect nipples, only to soothe the sensitive buds with my tongue seconds after. Every time I encase my teeth around one, I trail a light fingertip down the centre of her chest, while I burn my eyes up into hers, daring her to move. A few of the times she can't control her body and twitches, moaning when she moves her nipple closer between my teeth, the sting making her cry out beautifully.

I pull away and look at her skin covered in dents and marks from my teeth in delight. I want her to touch me now, feel me beneath her fingers as I explore her more. I lean back and tug off her trousers, and we laugh as they bunch around her knees and then her ankles, until I rip them off. I try and control myself, bunching my fists atop of my thighs, when I see the gusset of her underwear flat with damp, sticking to her folds. I can see every curve of her pussy, and it makes me shiver, because is all that for me?

"Is this all for me? You really want me to have you like this [name]?" She parts her legs for me in reply, and my cock throbs even more, so much more it makes me feel dizzied with lust, she's soaking wet and spreading herself so open for me I can barely handle it.

"I want you to have all of me Levi, please."

"Fuck. I don't think you know what you're doing to me [name], you're, dripping." I shakily exhale, she only laughs, her lidded eyes soft, as she taps my shoulder with her toes.

"I think I do Levi." She grins, singing my name, and following her eyes down to my cock, until now I didn't know she could see it and I can't help but blush, quickly covering my eyes with my forearm.

She kneels in front of me, prying my hands away.

"It's okay, let me see." she soothes, kissing down my body with loud sucks and hums as she forces her fingers past the layer of my trousers and boxers, her knuckles against my hipbones before she roughly tugs them down. My cheeks burn as I realise she'll be seeing me first, but I let her anyway.

"Please." I groan, as she crawls back to rip them off entirely.

"Say that again."

"Please [name]." I watch her face as she reacts to my cock as she pulls my clothing free.

"Damn Levi. I did say I wanted to taste you, didn't I?" she hums, grabbing my knees and kissing my thighs, she lets her tongue lap over every patch her lips memorise first. I watch her in awe, as she tastes at my skin, but I wanted to taste her first.

"Sit back." I command, I'm used to telling people what to do, so the words feel right on my tongue, and luckily she receives them loud and clear, as she breaks away from me and sits back against the headboard.

"Carry on." she urges, the same glint flashing in her eyes. I grab onto either side of her pants, and rip them down slowly, she winces as the fabric burns her skin as it twists slowly down her thighs. My cock grows even harder below me, as I finally see her cunt, it's beautiful, I've never seen one before, but now I don't ever want to see one that isn't hers. It's pretty, and I can see she's in need because it looks swollen, in all the right places. I heard men talk about sex so brashly when I lived underground, but Furlan, he used to tell me about it, and he told me, the top, that's where I need to touch, if I ever make it there, that is. And that's where it's swollen, so that's exactly where I'll put my mouth, but for now, I want her to squirm.

I rip away her underwear, and throw them behind me, before I stroke my hands up her calves to her knees, and push her thighs apart, she'd clenched them together when I'd removed her panties, and it made my heart flutter.

"You don't need to be embarrassed."

"Levi." she blushes, covering her face, I reach over and pull her hands away, kissing her forehead,

"It's pretty." I whisper, this makes her press her thighs together even more, making me smirk, she's so sweet.

"Levi!"

"Kiss me."

She leans up and presses her lips to mine almost instantly, lapping her tongue across mine, "Levi, please." she moans breathlessly.

"I'll help, but first I want you to show me [name]."

"Show you what?" she stammers, her hands stroking my face as I trail down to kiss and suck at her chest once more. I run my rough thumbs in circles, making her hips raise and clash into my torso as I make her whine so prettily into my ear.

"Show me how you wanna be touched, and I'll do it." I taunt, biting down onto her shoulder to make her squeal before pulling away. I wrap my hand around my cock in anticipation, waiting for her.

"Open your legs [name]." She slowly opens them, and I cannot control that noise that slips from my throat when she does again.

"Hurry, I want to know how you taste." I breathe, palming myself slowly, for once I don't hate the sensation, not when she's sprawled so beautifully for me like art in front of me.

"Fuck okay." She moans softly, as she clutches one of her breasts and follows her hand down to her dripping pussy. She takes two fingers and starts to rub them circularly on her clit, it's right at the top, where Furlan had once told me it was, it calms my nerves, I don't want to disappoint her.

"Levi." she mewls softly, as she rubs even faster, and I do too, matching the pace of my hand to hers.

"Fuck you're really wet." I groan, as her cunt starts to make soft lapping sounds while she rubs herself.

"It's all for you." she groans dazedly, as she moves her hand so fast now, in my state I can barely keep up. I stop my hand for a moment in awe as I watch her body writhe, her thighs twisting and kicking, her toes curling, and her body start to shake from her core. She calls my name with every pass of her wrist, and it makes me grunt in desperation as I start to palm myself in time with her again. Her breasts snapping up and down, and her face contorting so beautifully when she cums.

"Levi, I'm—fuck!"

"Fuck [name]." I gasp, as her hands slip against her cunt, the wet noise when she pulls her hand away is sinful. And I groan as I watch a bead of cloudy white cum drop out of her, and trickle down her ass and below her on the bed.

"I'm gonna make you feel so fucking good, I'll make you cum, gonna use my tongue."

"Levi!" she squeals, as I latch my hands on both of her ankles, and pull her down the bed to me, grabbing onto her ass and lifting her body up before I attack the back of her thighs with hungry kisses.

"What are you doing?" she giggles.

My hands grip into the pillowy skin, it's hot, and I let my nails dig into it, "Don't move, gonna put my tongue where it feels good." I moan, as I start to plant soppy kisses around her inner thighs.

"Shit Levi, I can't believe you."

"Get used to it." I groan back.

I notice her opening clenching and unclenching, the cum still gleaming against her folds, mixing with a clear slick that makes me shudder. I start to lick at the oozing liquid trailing down her pussy, and she mutters and groans curses below me. "Mm [name]."

"Levi, fuck!"

"Taste so good." I moan, this only makes her curse even more, her fists clenching the sheets. Her body twitches and trashes with every drawn out run of my tongue, "You're really sensitive." I tell her as I start to lick closer to her clit.

"Oh Levi, please closer."

"Where?" I smirk, keeping my tongue planted below her dripping entrance, letting her sweet taste run onto my tongue.

"Up." she whines. "Levi please."

I run my tongue slowly up her folds, tasting more of her cum that had been dripping before my face. "Fuck, that's good." I groan, as I flick my tongue faster and make her body weaken, before I point my tongue and press her clit with it.

"Levi! There!" she moans.

I've found it, yes, I've found it.

I start to kiss it, flicking it with my tongue and sucking it between my lips, it drives her wild. "Levi, don't stop, please!" she squeals.

I hum in affirmation, before I start to guzzle on it, starting slow. And I trace a careful finger up the back of her thigh, before dragging it up and down her oozing slit as my mouth sucks on her. She rocks herself up and down against my chin and then I pull away, flitting my tongue up and down as fast I can, she moans so loud, that it kicks me into action. I carefully push my middle finger into her and she shrieks, my thick and rough digit is engulfed by her instantly and it makes me groan as my tongue works on her clit.

"Keep going!" she groans, her voice cracking and her throat hoarse. But I slow my tongue movements down, lapping up her taste for a moment, as I start to push my finger in and out.

"Another! Please." she groans, I push another finger in and her legs flail around my body, then I up the pace of my tongue once more. The noises that bless my ears feel enough to make me release all over her already, I even grunt as I speed my tongue side to side, hitting her swollen clit with every swirl of it.

"Just like that Levi! Fuck! Where did you learn this?!"

I press the pads of my fingers up and let my knuckles anchor my entrance into her, as I flick them up in springing motions inside her, the spot this touches makes her scream, and I don't let up, only carrying on.

"Gonna cum Levi! Fuck Levi I'll-ah!" she cries out, her entire body vibrating in my clutch, the palm I have pressed on the back of her thigh feels every shake and bubble of the pleasure running through her body. I can feel the burning of her skin and how much she's letting herself go. She tries to reach her hands up to push my head away, but I keep going, and she almost sounds like she's choking above me. I moan even louder into her as I feel her cum drip into my mouth, she really does taste good.

"Levi! Please I can't again!" she screams, I can't help myself as I continue to suckle up every bit of liquid I can that slips past her luscious lips, not letting my fingers stop their motions either. She pulls at my hair, whimpering senselessly as I bob my head fast against her. I slap my hand hard on the back of her thigh, and grunt louder to quiet her, this drives her crazier, as she swivels her hips, pushing her cunt harder into my face. So I lick and suck faster, driving my fingers into her with even more vigour. She groans out as she cums again, her walls gripping my fingers so hard this time I shake with her, feeling the pleasure that courses through her second hand, stealing a glance at her face, her mouth hanging open, eyes clamped shut.

"You've gotta stop now." she laughs. "I will pass out."

I chuckle as I grab either side of her thighs and pull her up onto my lap to straddle me, my cock rubbing against her thigh, my head drops into her neck at the sensation and she holds me. I hold her back tightly, running my fingers through her sweat flecked hair.

"Are you really a virgin Levi? Or were you trying to make me feel better?" she teases, planting lazy kisses to my shoulders. She sucks the skin and lets her teeth create grooves into it, as she pulls the skin between her lips and against their sharp edges.

"Oi." I chuckle, stroking her back as she catches her breath on my shoulder.

"I liked the slap." she giggles quietly.

"So dirty already?" I tease, coiling some of her hair around my fingers and playing with it.

"I think that's all you."

"Are you a virgin [name]? Because I'm sure that's what dirty girls like?" I mock, feeling her grip her thighs around me tighter at my teasing.

"Well dirty men slap." she retorts, biting harder at my shoulder, I flinch a little until she runs her tongue across the assaulted skin, blood threatening to leave it.

"Careful, cause I'll do it again." I mutter, stroking my hands down to rest on her ass, massaging and clutching the skin between my fingers.

"Do it then." she challenges.

I stop for a moment when I realise it's her cum I can feel dripping all over my thighs, I pull back and assess her face. "Don't turn away." I hiss, as I bring my hand up from her ass and run it up the centre of her chest, until it reaches her throat, I clutch it gently, and her eyes ignite. She smirks as she reaches her hand up and squeezes it over mine, making me clutch it even tighter.

"Fuck." I gasp, as she grinds herself on my thighs, as she does it I keep the hold on her neck firm. And then I finally do it, bringing my hand up and crashing it back down on her ass.

"Fuck!"

Her voice sounds so erotic that I'm sure I'm growing harder.

"Again." she gulps, her body weakening as her face falls into my neck once more, her other hand on my chest to steady herself. I do it harder this time, and she squeals, dripping more wetness over my thigh, she then reaches her hand down and grips the base of my cock, making me groan out. Finally. She then shuffles back off me and starts to jerk it slowly as she kisses up my thighs once more, her expression sending chills my spine.

"That's right, go on." I taunt.

"Gonna make you feel good Levi, I want you to cum so bad."

"Fuck [name]. Put your lips on it, please." I moan, she grins, placing teasing little licks on my tip, my hips buck forward, my cock poking her lips. So I lean down and grab her hair in one hand and keep her head still as I grab my cock and spread my pre cum across her lips, making them shine with it. She whimpers from my roughness as I keep control of her head, gripping her hair hard.

"Make me take it Levi."

"Shit [name]." I babble, as she starts to slide her lips down my cock, not breaking from my eyes as she slowly takes more and more inches with every tight pass of her lips. She tightens them around me as she bobs her hair up and down, her hand matching the pace of her lips, as it works what her mouth can't fit.

"So [name], how do I taste?" I choke out.

"Because you taste fucking good." I splutter, I have no control as her silky mouth sucks and licks at my cock, a grin to her lips.

She pulls away, a string of spit following,

"Well do you want to taste?" she hums, making my heart stop for a moment, as she sticks her tongue out at me. I lean down and grab her chin laying my tongue against hers, and lapping up my taste, before slipping my tongue past her lips to kiss her. A mix of our tastes exchange, making both of us moan as we taste ourselves.

"Fuck." I murmur into her lips, as I kiss her deeper still, we start to kiss so hungrily, it almost feels like we're getting whiplash, as we aimlessly and sloppily lock lips. Our jaws are surely aching but we don't stop. Slowly even saliva starts to drip from the corners of our mouths and gloss both of your chins, while our breaths spiral out of control. She falls on top of me, and starts to grind against my dick, her wetness covering it as she ruts her hips with need.

"Put it in now." she whimpers.

"Mm?"

"I want you inside me Levi, please." she whines, I grab onto her waist and change our positions, putting her on her back and resting my weight in my forearms as I hold myself above her.

"You do [name]?" I smile against her ear, nipping her earlobe, and before I can even process it she's grabbing my cock and guiding it to her cunt. I immediately grab her hand and throw it aside, her eyes gleaming as she spreads her thighs further apart for me, ready. "Oi."

"Put it in then."

"Be good for me."

"Always."

"I'll start slow, I promise." I soothe, placing my lips on her forehead, as I guide my cock into her slowly, I notice she feels tight, and I feel her throbbing around the tip of my cock. So I quickly and gently pull it back out, giving her moment.

I press kisses all over her face and she calms, "Relax, and breathe."

"I'm just a bit nervous." she confesses, her hands reaching up and holding my face to look up at me, this makes me blush and I hate it, but she's already seen all of me now.

"That's okay, so am I." I smile, kissing the tip of her nose.

"You promise?"

"[Name] I'm shaking."

She laughs, "That you are."

"So lets do this together, I'm here." I say softly, snaking my hand down to her pussy and rubbing her clit.

"Just me and you?"

"Just me and you." I whisper back.

"I'm ready."

I begin again, slowly working it in, watching her face screw up so beautifully below me as she moans out my name.

"You're taking it so well, we're almost there, that's it." I groan, kissing her temple, and then down to her ear, making her laugh as my breath tickles it. She then grabs onto both of my hips, and suddenly pulls me into her, making the rest of my length reach deep inside her. The strangled noise she releases, makes me fall apart against her too, so much so I barely hear the noise I make.

"Didn't want to wait." she gasps.

"How do you feel? You idiot! You need to be careful." I exhale, my eyes barely open as her cunt throbs and pulses around me.

She smiles. "I feel fine."

"And you feel fucking good, dammit Levi." she moans, pulling my face down to her neck, as she wraps her thighs around my hips, her heels on my back.

"Start slow, but remember what I said Levi?"

"Mm?"

"To have me, so take all you want." she groans.

"And I'll give you everything I've got [name]."

"Fuck, Levi."

I hold onto her waist and start slowly push in and out of her, every time I reach completely in she gasps, her hands clumsily pawing at my torso.

"You're gonna have to wait for that hm [name]?" I chuckle, watching her face scrunch with every rut of my hips.

"Oi, it's getting easier." she smiles weakly, moving both of her hands to her breasts, and squeezing, the sight of her doing this makes me weaker, especially as she starts to lurch her hips up to meet mine. She's growing so wet, it's dripping down my cock with every thrust. "You can go faster now." she moans, so I go faster, and she holds onto me tighter as I fuck her even harder. I look down at our bodies, and for a split second I almost can't tell where I start and where she ends, she feels too good, this feels too good.

"Fuck me Levi, oh shit."

"Touch yourself." I pant, she looks at me with curious eyes but reaches her hand down to do it, her sinewy fingers working magic on herself, making her moan even more.

"Give me more Levi, please."

I push her hips up, her knees pushed against her chest, and thrust into her even harder, "I wanna make you cum [name], cum on me this time, on my dick." I groan.

"Oh, fuck, Levi, do it again, slap." She moans, wrapping her arms around my nape and bucking into my thrusts. I take my hand and slap firmly on her ass, she shrieks out and her cunt grips me even tighter.

"You like that?!"

She unhooks an arm from my neck and wraps her hand around the column of my straining throat, "Do you like this?" she asks, a hint of insecurity behind her eyes.

"Don't have to be so gentle with me...love."

"Oh my, Levi!" she moans even louder at the pet name, and I can feel how red my cheeks are by how they burn. But then she squeezes harder and I slap the back of her thighs hard, and one by one.

"Again! Harder."

"Gonna make you cum my love!" I repeat and she loses it even more, her body starts to arch up into mine as she shakes. And I begin to punctuate every thrust with a fiery slap to her ass.

"Levi, you're so far in!"

"I know I am, I'm so deep inside, fuck."

"Then cum inside! Fill me up with your cum, I want to feel full of you."

"[Name]!"

"Please, cum inside me."

"Gonna fucking—gonna cum, in you love." I moan shakily.

"Levi-Levi I'm so close!"

I'm starting to feel hazy from her choking, but I tell her to do it harder anyway, I want her to finish with me, so I go even faster. I feel the fizzing in my stomach start to become more violent as I get closer, she cums first, squeezing me tight between her thighs.

"Levi, I'm cumming!" she pants, and I cum only seconds after her, filling her to the brim with my cum.

"Give it all to me." she moans, still rocking her hips up to mine slowly. I soften a little and pull out and a mix of our arousals trickle out of her.

"[Name]." I groan as I drop my head on her chest. "I shouldn't have."

"We've never gotten a pregnancy here, must be the stress, Hange told me." she pants. "Promise."

"Four eyes told you that?"

"When I hugged them earlier."

I chuckle, "I'll help them capture a new Titan next expedition."

She laughs back, and we both lie on our sides, bodies entwined.

"So, how did you like it?" I ask her, shyly avoiding her gaze.

Was I good enough?

She gently lifts my chin, and presses a tender kiss to my lips, "You were amazing Levi."

"Is it something you would want to do it again?"

"Let's go." She rolls us both over and places both her hands on my chest.

"[Name] I didn't mean now, you can rest love."

She grins. "If you call me that, I'll want it even more."

I pull her down to kiss me, and playfully slap her ass. "Is that so?" I laugh into her lips. She giggles against mine, fastening her hand to my neck before she kisses me tongue first.

"Oh yes Levi."

Previous Chapter-

24: 𝘌𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.

Next Chapter-

26: "𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭." {𝘔𝘰���𝘦𝘳𝘯 𝘈𝘶 } 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵 2 (𝘙𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 )

MrsAckermanX 2021 ©

[makeste]

Alright, so I've been trying to count the limb amputations in BnHA, and this is the loving list I have come with: USJ Nomu(half his body, including a leg and arm), Mr. Compress(arm), Overhaul(arms), Hood(entire body), Tomura Shigaraki(2 fingers), Re-Destro(legs), Miruko(arm), Hawks(wings(still unconfirmed, but almost certain)), and Aizawa(leg). One more limb amputation and you'll be able to make that top 10 limb amputations list!

anon, you forgot Shouji’s arm that got chopped off during the Forest Training Camp arc! and a couple others as well. so we actually can make a top ten! oh my god. the day has finally come.

10. Shouji Mezou (arm)

sorry Shouji but the truth is this one doesn’t really count since you grew it back. anyway but it still probably hurt though I suppose. still a pretty fucked up thing for a villain to just BITE OFF A FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD’S ARM with their GIANT ELDRITCH HORROR TEETH. you’re a very brave boy Shouji.

9. Amajiki Tamaki (kracken tentacles)

this is mostly just here to prove that I can in fact remember things from the Basement arc, sometimes.

when will these dumb villains learn to start biting arms off of the kids who DON’T grow them back.

8. Hawks (both wings)

does it still technically count as an amputation if the appendages in question are burned to a crisp rather than actually chopped off. I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason this one is so far down the list tbh. it was still pretty horrific. but the fact that fandom’s not even 100% sure if they really are gone for good (though they totally are) is enough to rank this a bit lower than the others I think.

7. Shigaraki Tomura (two three fingers)

oh boo hoo Tomura. you lost THREE whole fingers? no offense, because I’m sure it sucked, but all the same you can’t realistically expect me to just fall all over you all “HOLY SHIT BEST AMPUTATION EVER 10/10” when the best you can commit to is THREE out of TEN digits. come on now you were already outdone by your own subordinate in the same fucking arc.

6. Giran (FIVE fingers)

YOU HEAR THAT TOMURA. FIVE. YEAH WHAT. and he had to put up with the indignity of having his severed digits grotesquely displayed all around the city on top of that! it was seriously so fucked up. and do you even know how long it takes Giran to write out a text now?? so fucking long!! it’s so annoying.

5. The Sixth OFA User (right arm)

don’t mind him... he’s just lying here, bleeding out in the corner of this little montage of other dying OFA users... but it’s fine, really... he literally just sacrificed his life for the sake of the greater good, and died in obscurity for his trouble... and the story skipped right over him from Nana straight to Banjou, and then to the Fourth... and no one even remembers him to the point where anon omitted him in favor of more memorable characters like USJ Noumu... but it’s fine... he’s fine.

5. Overhaul (both hands)

unlike OFA Seis up there, we actually for reals don’t give a fuck about you, Overhaul. kind of fucked up to imply that someone might actually deserve to lose a hand, let alone two hands. and yet, here I am. implying it. huh.

4. Mr. Compress (left arm)

you know the saying. when life gives you lemons, make a robot arm. here’s a nice picture of Compress with his robot arm holding Overhaul’s severed hand in marble form, just for shits and giggles.

notice how he went as far as to roll up his sleeve just for dramatic effect. that’s good shit. hard to outdo a guy whose amputation led directly to a second, revenge amputation, honestly. but three people still managed it.

3. Mirko (left arm)

and now we get to the badasses. the people who absolutely could not give less of a fuck how many limbs they have or don’t have, WHATEVER. Mirko lost an arm and was literally like, “OUCH” and then she SEVERED A MAN’S HEAD WITH HER THIGHS. AND THEN TOURNIQUETED THE ARM WITH HER OWN HAIR JUST AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT. BECAUSE BLEEDING OUT WOULD HAVE BEEN TROUBLESOME. and they had her at number five. five!! ?!?!?!?!

2. Re-Destro (both legs)

look, this guy is my second least-favorite BnHA character, topped only by Jerkface McNoHands back up there. but even I have to give him props for coolly chopping off BOTH OF HIS OWN FUCKING LEGS WITHOUT SO MUCH AS BREAKING A SWEAT WHAAAAT.

and then he went out and got himself a pair of ROBOT LEGS afterwards like a total badass. god. can you believe this fucking guy. he doesn’t deserve to be this cool. god damn you Re-Destro.

1. Aizawa Shouta (right leg)

hey everyone do you want to see a picture of a lying liar real quick.

huh. you don’t say. only I could have sworn...

huh. I guess, technically speaking, he did say arm. nothing about legs.

anyway. “wait a sec but Aizawa only chopped off one of his own legs,” someone, probably Tomura, interjects. “how can you possibly justify putting him above Re-Destro when the precedent you yourself set earlier in this very list clearly dictates that greater number of severed limbs = higher rank.” and fair enough. but Re-Destro’s amputation was quite honestly his own fucking fault, whereas Aizawa fucking SACRIFICED that leg in the name of duty. and oh yes, there’s one other thing as well:

yeah. sorry Re-Destro, but until you can provide incontrovertible proof that not only did you cut off your own legs, but that you somehow, inconceivably, managed to do so LITERALLY WITHOUT EVER EVEN BLINKING!!, then and only then can you come try and pry the number one spot from Aizawa Shouta’s unfathomably badass knife-wielding hands.

hey guys. so anyway I think this manga might actually be pretty violent lmao.

[byeol-ssi]

omg yess i will make sure to update you!! i was tempted to read the manhwa last night but held back because i know i would binge it this weekend 😩😩 i will definitely let u know tho! i’ve been looking for new stuff to read, so im very excited!! also— INSOS LAW IS VERY GOOD!! i recommend omg, its such a comfort manhwa for me, i hope you enjoy it as much as i do!!

i haven’t heard of that but i will definitely put that one my list!! say no more if it involves family because that’s honestly my weak spot 😩 BUT IM VERY HAPPY YOU KNOW WHAT MANHWAS IM TALKING ABOUT 😭😭 IVE BEEN WAITING TO TALK ABOUT THEM WITH SOMEONE IM SO HAPPY RN!!!! i think the only one im not caught up with is IBTHR, only because i wanna binge once it has a lot of chapters LOLLL BUTTTT FELIX OMG IVE NEVER BEEN SO DOWN BAD FOR A ML ITS UNREALL???? his visuals are 🥵 like he was cute with glasses but without it,,,, im speechless, my standards for men are getting so high because of him 😭😭😭 HOW CAN SOMEONE LOOK SO GOOD?!?$’&

ahem,,, moving on (i need to calm down because he has me so worked up 😩😩) but thats so cool you’re a xiao and childe main!! i recently got xiao and he’s so fun to play!! although i have to get used to him (because i lowkey dont like playing polearm characters 😅) and im still figuring out how to build him (+ everyone else haha)!! and hmm for characters, probably raiden (my friends all have her and lowkey she seems very cool to play!! also have u seen her boss fight?? i lowkey want to try it but i havent unlocked it yet since i just reached inazuma!!) and the kamisato siblings!! ayaka looks so much fun to play and i just want ayato because his idle animations (pulling out the boba out of his sleeves like?!?! sir what else do u keep in there?? 🤨) and okay — i have a big list (especially kazuha IM WAITING FOR HIM!!! and childe) but my luck is so bad so it’ll take me lots of grinding just for primos 😭

i managed to get zhongli (after losing the 50/50 and then hitting hard pity both times 🥲) so im a little nervous (and might have to whale lolol) but im determined to drag them home 🤬 enough about me ehe but is there any characters you’re planning to wish for in the future? if it’s okay to ask, what is your team comp at the moment? (ive been messing around with different comps but i always mess up the timing 😩).

i know you said don’t apologize but i feel like my asks are so long, im sorry 😭😭 anyways, i hope your day went well and im sorry i replied so late!!

— 💭 anon

hello, 💭 my love!! I JUST GOT HOME, so i'm sorry for getting back to you late! i did receive the notif for your ask when i was outside, and i spent the entire day looking forward to reading your message <33

i've stopped myself from reading manhwas in general for a while too! i kinda want to let the chapters pile up since i devour them in one sitting 😅 and then i'm left staring at the wall whenever it happens.

i've been seeing a lot of new releases on tiktok mostly, though i've yet to pick them up and see whether they're any good! I'LL DEFINITELY BUMP INSO'S LAW UP ON MY TBR — maybe next weekend if i'm not loaded with schoolwork!

I ALSO FEEL THE SAME WAY!! i was so lonely for a while and i had no one else to torment into reading 😫 SO PLEASE EXCUSE ALL MY PENT-UP ENERGY!! i'm so excited to have someone to share and talk to!!

I SWEAR, FROM NOW ON I'LL BE BRINGING A BOX OF TISSUES WITH ME EVERYTIME I READ IBTHR BECAUSE THE ML INDUCES NOSEBLEED 🤧 and don't worry, we don't shame anyone for being down bad here. because yes, i'm also on my knees for him. 👀

xiao has been the og loml ever since i started playing, whereas childe definitely grew on me! i can definitely relate, since i didn't enjoy using bow-wielders at first too! I'M AFRAID I CAN'T BE OF ANY HELP WITH BUILDS, because even though i'm at AR 50+, my chars are poorly built 🥲 though we could always learn about it together! i've decided to study more about it when i'm a little less busy!

i've heard that raiden is an amazing support, so i'm wishing you luck with your pulls on her upcoming banner!! <33 AAA, i haven't had the time to play the newest quest with her boss battle, but i'm excited to! which nation or archon quest is your favorite so far?

i do have ayaka, and she's really fun to play with!! i love teaming her up with childe because of the freeze comp. BUT YES, AYATO'S IDLE? I LOWKEY COULDN'T BELIEVE IT AT FIRST AND THOUGHT THE LEAKS WERE EDITS 💀 i'm also excited for his voice lines — mostly because they say he has a mischievous personality! KAZUHAAA!!! i can personally vouch for him, his playstyle is very enjoyable!!

how is zhongli like? i've skipped all of his banners so far, though i've always found myself REALLY tempted to go and pull for him! AND DON'T WORRY, I'LL MANIFEST WITH YOU AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, WE'LL DRAG THEM BY THE EAR!!

hmm, i'm a bit undecided at the moment, especially with ayato, but i'm part of the hopeful population that wishes scaramouche becomes playable! 🤞🏻 i'm currently running xiao, diluc, venti, and bennett! i'm not sure if that's the wisest comp? but the double pyro buff helps a lot! what comps have you tried? i don't have keqing nor zhongli, so i'm very curious!

AAAA and no, darling!! i actually couldn't wait to sit down and answer this, so thank you for taking the time to chat with me!! i appreciate it very much and this made my entire day! <33

how did your day go? i hope that life has been kind and that you've been taking care of yourself! sending you lots of hugs! 🤗