#whether the negativity and exhaustion in my life

[cheekblush]

i'd rather be friendless than to constantly have my boundaries disrespected

[youarealwaysenough]

I respect all of the "this rock reminded me of you" gifters, but for me gift giving is about being known. Of your loved ones paying enough attention to know even one thing you want or need.

I'd trade all the half-hearted my parents got me as a kid for a cheap plastic giraffe on a keychain. Hell I'd probably still have it on my keys to this day.

[scientia-rex]

Sometimes people tell me I'm a good person. I'm not a good person by nature, or by default. I'm a good person because I've decided that it's important to me to act like one, on a daily basis, forever.

My actual nature is that I want power. I want power and I want my life to be easy and I want other people to be forced to be nice to me even if they hate me. I want other people to have to suck up to me, I want to watch people who I know hate me suffer through the indignity of having to suck up to me. I want to hurt people who hurt me. I want all of these things in the same exact deeply recognizable way that a gorilla or a chimpanzee does. I watch those documentaries and I recognize myself, intimately. The fact that I can behave like a good person in spite of that has taken me a long time and a lot of effort to achieve.

What you feel isn't as important for your "goodness" as what you do. And you get good at what you practice. So practice your skills at being polite, pleasant, kind. Practice gently interrupting negative behaviors--whether that's someone's negative behaviors directed towards themselves, or directed towards someone else. The idea that we have to be inherently without sin is such Christian garbage. It's psychological gibberish. We want things! We want everything! That is normal and human and the key is not acting on every bad feeling you have.

I have taken my insatiable desire for power and to manipulate people and I have used it for good. I have learned how to manipulate people into coming to the doctor and taking their blood pressure medication and being honest about their recreational substance use. I have taken my psychology education and I have used it to craft a persona that makes people feel at ease. I go home at the end of the day exhausted, because maintaining a persona for ten hours straight is exhausting, but I do it happy, because I manipulated the people I work with into feeling better and having brighter days. I manipulated my patients into feeling good about their achievements and recognizing where we need to do things differently.

The hard part is that when the mask slips, people find it not just off-putting but deeply upsetting. When I explain things like "I have thought very carefully about how I would conduct a career in domestic terrorism because I would genuinely like to bomb the headquarters of most American insurance companies, but I don't see a way to do it without getting caught and either killed or spending the rest of my life in prison, and at the moment I consider that an unacceptable outcome," people go from "ha ha! my wacky colleague" to "Jesus Christ, I didn't realize there was something actually wrong with you."

Anyway, don't make your kids read the extended works on Machiavelli at twelve, my dad thought he was helping me but all he accomplished was making me sad I'll never be a king.

[daretoassume]

spiritual lessons i learned before turning 20

it was exactly january 1st, 2021, when i began my self-development journey. i think most of us experienced some unpleasant things in 2020. that year led me to my spiritual path and taught me many things about loving myself. i spent my whole year by myself, meditating, reading books, and practicing conscious manifesting. these things brought out the best in me and guided me on how i perceive the world and life in a better way.

1. don't try to fit in. after all, you are not here to stay.

in my high school days, i always wanted to fit in because it was so hard for me to make friends while observing my other classmates; it was so effortless for them. i wanted to have that friend group, so i tried to fit in by doing what they were doing so i could be acceptable to them.

it was so unhealthy to dislike other people, judge them behind their backs, and waste each other's time. i became someone i am not. i eventually left them because i realized, "if these people i am with can speak negatively about others behind their backs, what makes me think that they are not going to do that to me as well?"

we all want to feel like we belong, but being someone you are not is not the way to feel like you belong. isn't it exhausting always trying to fit in to feel like you belong?

you are supposed to stand out. you are supposed to have your own personality and embrace your qualities. after you love yourself enough and embrace yourself, the right people will come to you, and you will not feel like you are trying to fit in. our life is too short to spend trying to fit in; we might as well look within and be who we are meant to be.

2. don't follow the crowd they are also lost.

it is almost the same as the first one, but this one concerns following society or social norms. we are taught to do one thing because it is more acceptable than the other. who is accepting it? did they say something when they accepted it? are they proud because we followed them?

i thought i had always wanted to be a flight attendant, so i took a tourism degree. where does that thought come from? it was from my family; growing up, they mentioned that i should either be in hospitality or take a tourism degree. i wanted them to be proud of me, so i took that degree, thinking it was my dream.

while i decided to choose that, i didn't consider any other degree because i thought i wanted that for myself. i was not aware. this is the first thing i learned in 2021: to choose the life i want for myself; unapologetically, i am now following the path i am supposed to take while in college.

there is always something in our hearts that we want to do. follow that even if you think it is ridiculous. follow that, even if other people think it is ridiculous. just because you do something different doesn't mean you are crazy. i mean, the world is crazy enough, and following the crowd without awareness is one of them.

3. when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

everything is perception. the meaning you give to everything in your life becomes your reality. and if we think about it, this is a life-changing lesson. the way you look at things determines whether you are going to be mad, happy, sad, or envious. our eyes don't see; our eyes are the only tool our mind uses. and our mind will determine what perception it is that we have.

do you believe that people are kind and friendly or out to get you? whatever you choose, that is what you will create for yourself.

it is about changing your attitude towards situations that did not come your way. change how you look at things in a way that will serve you better so that what is outside of you doesn't control what you feel.

it doesn't mean that if you change your perception, the situation will change as well; it will not, but it will change how you see it. it is how we see things that make us live better. it is inside what we need to change to see life in a beautiful way to create a beautiful life we will love to look at.

remember, where we focus our energy, it will expand. it is nice to develop positivity and love just by focusing on it. i don't mean to have toxic positivity. of course, not every day is love and light; we can dwell on it, but we also have to know when to stop.

4. don't take it personally.

i have learned this the hard way, and i am still learning. other people might say something about us, but it is not about us; what they say is more about them. when somebody calls me "dumb, ugly, stupid, weak, worthless," it is not about me; it is about them.

tell me, what kind of person will say that to another person if they are mentally sane? maybe they are having a bad day and decided to put that on me; perhaps they feel that inside and put that on me (without being aware); it is never about us.

the same goes for someone who calls you "beautiful, nice, amazing"; do you think a person will tell you that if they don't already see that in themselves?

hurt people hurt people, and healed people heal people.

but whenever you are being judged and criticized negatively, remember that a person who is love and light will spread love and light. try not to get upset with people. what they say or what they do is powerless without your reaction. if we get frustrated, we take their trash and make it our own. how can we see life better if our environment controls our thoughts and feelings?

5. introspective work is the most important thing to do.

we are the only ones in our inner world; why not make it a safe space for us? try filling it with love, positive thoughts, and kindness. our inner world reflects our outer world.

you see, if you feel good, you do good and smile at the world. but when we are feeling negative, especially mad, we sometimes put that on other people. if we feel envious, resentful, anxious, or depressed, these are things that we should work on inside, not outside.

we cannot control what is outside; the environment, the situation, and the turbulence on our journey are beyond our control. what we can only control is what is inside.

everything starts within. even in manifesting, we don't look at our reality and ask, "where is it? where is my manifestation?" we see that in our minds first before it comes to fruition. we believe and feel that we already have it; we even fix our self-concept to align with the vibration of what we want before it manifests in our reality. all these things come from our inner world.

do much reflection on how you speak to yourself in your mind, and be aware if it is kind or tormenting you. suppose you think that the outer world is quite harsh. in that case, people are being unkind, or you feel negative about life, turn to your inner world; maybe you are neglecting something inside of you that needs the most attention and introspection. 𓍯 entryfromsane003 (extracted from the old blog two years ago)

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Platonic Yandere Sea Monster

The ocean is a dangerous entity 

Known for her high waves, immeasurable depths, and eternal mysteries

She entices millions into her cold embrace every day

Many of whom are devoured by said mysteries leaving no trace

One of its greatest mysteries is a creature who’s been roaming beneath the surface of the earth for eons

So it truly is a special occasion that Maelstrom breaks this streak for a feast on a private yacht 

It’s far too easy how this new (to him) bipedal species gawks and helplessly flails while he sucks the bones out of their soft skin

He doesn’t care for the soft innards that the skin holds 

He does like how their screams gurgle and warble as he delights in their crunchy bones

So he makes it his mission to devour or turn into water 

And he’s sure that he’s done so with all of the little crunchy snack bags on the ship

Until he’s led into a cramped little closet with a tiny version of the springy boxes he’d found before

On it was a wailing babe—you

Now that he’s recognized 

Because for all the different species evolution has brought it a crying infant was a common denominator

And you were crying hard

Whether you were the sibling or offspring of some ill-thinking teen or an overworked employee of the crew the one who was going to care for you was gone

And Maelstorm knew that

On the account that he’s certain he’d still be hearing your incessant crying on the entirely silent yacht, he molds his water-like body into something more like the ‘human skin bags’ 

Letting his face bulge and bubble with the vague memory of his meal’s screaming faces until you stop crying

“There…there…my pearl.”

It’s been so long since he’s been awake to have a pet 

Surely it won’t be too hard

…right?

“Aaaaghh!”

“You’re not hungry, you’re not sleepy, you’ve already gone to the bathroom! WHAT IS IT!?”

He’s never been so stressed out 

Stressed out trying to stop your little face from contorting anymore as you empty your little lungs and exhaust your little vocal cords

He eventually decides he does need help and uses one of the less rotted bodies to go on land and learn among these skin bags so that he knows what to do

“Oh poor sir looks like they’re just hungry for some warm hugs.”

“Is that…really all?”

“Why of course! Babies really hinge on your emotions and attention.”

After he takes in the ‘nurse’s’ wisdom he begins to feel something new 

Something full of jealousy that has him snatching your swaddled form before giving a light pat that turns her into a puddle on the floor

Maelstorm easily finds another skin-bag with a nice face to take the body of 

Leaving with a skip in his step while the ‘skin-bags’ authorities baffled over the only remnant of a missing ‘nurse’

“I see now to avoid this awful feeling I must make sure all my affection is being given to my pearl.”

From there you can be sure that you’re entire life will be filled with Maelstorm learning about the negative emotions he can get as you grow

True there will be many positive feelings 

But he learns that to protect those precious new feelings 

Barricading you on abandoned ships and attacking all the skin-bags that come to keep it that way

And even when you grow into the adults he’d previously snacked on

He won’t completely leave humans alone

He pulls back on this snacking habit only because he sees more of you in them

But he’s not going to stop eating them 

Especially when he finds your attention drifting from him as you crave more socialization 

“As far as I’m concerned all we need is each other. Now do I have to eat this entire village or will you go back to our boat?”

[hiitsm]

All I want is to have some Peace, with You.

You find yourself wrestling with recurring negative flashbacks from your childhood, unsure how to broach the subject with your girlfriend, consumed by fear of her reaction.

All I want is to have some Peace, with You is for 18+ only.

PTSD, Childhood trauma, Smut, Fluff

-

Important note:

This piece is deeply personal to me, drawn from my own journey through PTSD. It's important to note that everyone's experience with PTSD is unique; what I've shared here is just one perspective.

I'm incredibly proud of everyone navigating their own path through this journey, no matter where they are along the way. And want to give a shoutout to those who support their loved ones through it all-it means more than words can say.

Sharing this piece is a vulnerable step for me, so I ask that we all approach it with kindness, no matter our thoughts or opinions.

-

Just before you met your girlfriend, you were exhausted. Your body constantly felt tired, and you couldn't quite figure out why. The doctor advised you to wait and see if things worsened, suggesting you return if they did. Although it didn't worsen, your body remained tense all the time, draining your energy.

To you, life felt monotonous. You woke up, had breakfast, went to work, and often conversed with your parents, where your mother would eventually get upset over something small you did or said. Then you'd have dinner and go to bed.

It was the same routine, week after week. Despite this routine, you couldn't understand why your body constantly felt on edge, always tense and drained of energy.

Then you met your girlfriend. One rare evening, you decided to go to a bar in the center of Barcelona, and she happened to be there. She offered you a drink, and the conversation flowed effortlessly. You couldn't quite grasp how such a beautiful girl would notice you, let alone want to talk with you.

Your body completely relaxed when you talked with her. Every time she chuckled while sharing a childhood story, you felt at ease without realizing it. You were so captivated that you didn't notice how much your body was unwinding, as if to say that everything would be okay, even though you weren't sure what "okay" was anymore. You had become so accustomed to the tension that it felt normal, which is why you didn't recognize the change.

When you went home that night, you couldn't help but feel light. For the first time, life seemed to have more purpose, all because of her. She was intoxicating in the best way possible. The conversation had been wonderful, and she looked so beautiful. You exchanged phone numbers, and just as you were lying in bed, she texted you. That's when you realized she was one of the greatest footballers of all time: Alexia Putellas. But you didn't care about her awards, even though they were quite impressive. You cared about her as a person and were so glad you got to know her without any preconceived notions.

Your first date together came swiftly. Despite not consciously noticing the change in your body when you were with her, whether in person or talking on the phone, one thing was unmistakable: she made you feel cared for and loved, and you reciprocated with the same warmth. You made an effort to support her during her matches, even though the loud environment and crowds weren't really your thing.

After a particularly hard-won victory for her team, Alexia invited you to dinner at her mother's place to meet her and her sister. Nervous as you were, you couldn't say no.

That's when you finally noticed a change in your body, but it wasn't the positive relaxation you felt when you were with your girlfriend; this change was unexpected and negative. One moment, you were holding your girlfriend's hand under the table, laughing at something her kind mother had said, and the next, you accidentally knocked over a glass, causing it to shatter on the ground. Alexia's family reacted warmly and kindly, reassuring you that they had plenty more glasses, but you couldn't hear them over the ringing in your ears and the racing of your heart.

Suddenly, a flashback hit you. A memory of your younger self, maybe around eight years old, dropping a glass and your mother reacting with intense upset, even physical punishment. You had buried that memory deep within, but now it resurfaced with startling clarity. You found yourself in shock, unable to even apologize to Eli before Alexia squeezed your hand under the table, grounding you instinctively. Eli was kind and forgiving, but the tension in your body remained.

Despite Alexia's loving gestures and efforts to ease your discomfort, the tension persisted throughout the dinner.

As days passed, you found yourself struggling with daily tasks more than usual. Simple things like focusing at work or even enjoying a meal became daunting. The tension in your body seemed to escalate, and more flashbacks from your childhood would unexpectedly flood your mind.

You hadn't yet spoken to Alexia about what was happening. In truth, you didn't fully understand it yourself. The memories that resurfaced were fragments of a past you had buried deep, and confronting them felt overwhelming.

One evening, when Alexia came over to your apartment she noticed that you hadn't done the things you normally would have. The dishes were piled up, and the laundry was untouched. She could see that something wasn't right.

You had experienced more vivid flashbacks of your mother physically hurting you in the past, but when Alexia asked if you were okay, you hesitated. Instead of sharing the truth, you told her you were feeling sick. Without a moment's hesitation, Alexia took charge, helping you into bed and preparing homemade soup to comfort you.

As she sat by your side, her concern was palpable. When she gently inquired about your parents, your body tensed involuntarily. You had been avoiding your parents for a while now, a fact she wasn't aware of. Once again, you chose to lie, deflecting her concern with a half-truth.

The next day, as Alexia headed off to training and you had a rare morning off, you found yourself overwhelmed with emotions. But amidst the turmoil, the strongest feeling was guilt. Guilt over lying to your girlfriend. It wasn't about the physical pain you had endured in the past, nor the mental scars left by your parents' admonitions to keep quiet about it. No, what weighed heaviest on your mind was deceiving Alexia.

You spent the morning wrestling with your thoughts, debating whether to confide in her. Would she stay if you told her the truth? You couldn't bear the thought of losing her. The fear of her rejection paralyzed you, yet the burden of keeping these secrets from her felt increasingly heavy.

Throughout the day, memories resurfaced, each one a testament to the walls you had built around your past. But Alexia had breached those walls with her kindness and genuine concern. As you recalled her comforting presence and unwavering support, a flicker of hope emerged. The hope that she might understand, that she might stay.

But it wasn't easy. Every time you tried to open up, the words faltered. You could see the concern in your girlfriend's eyes, her worry for you evident even though she didn't fully understand the source. Her deep love for you acted as a balm, soothing many wounds, but in her absence, the shadows returned.

When she wasn't around, the flashbacks intensified. The memories you had buried resurfaced with a vengeance, overwhelming you with panic attacks. The tight knot in your throat, the trembling in your legs, the waves of nausea, they all surfaced when she wasn't there to anchor you.

It took time for these panic attacks to manifest fully, but now they were a part of your reality. They reminded you of the unresolved pain and fear that lingered beneath the surface, waiting to be acknowledged and healed.

You couldn't help but feel a sense of frustration and self-blame. Here you were, a grown adult, yet unable to carry on with your day when the flashbacks hit. You questioned yourself relentlessly. Why couldn't you move past the memories of your childhood? There were surely others who had been through worse. Why did these emotions surface now, when you had found happiness with your girlfriend by your side?

These thoughts stirred a mix of emotions within you. Anger, confusion, and a deep-seated sense of inadequacy. You berated yourself for being so emotional, for letting these past experiences affect your present life. In response, you pushed your emotions down once again, burying them beneath a facade of composure.

Whenever you felt overwhelmed by negative emotions, you found solace in kissing your girlfriend. Her kisses had a way of making your mind go pleasantly fuzzy, and you knew they had the same effect on her. It wasn't necessarily the most practical solution, but it worked, if only for a fleeting moment.

You would kiss her softly, savoring the sensation of her lips against yours, a reminder of the love you felt. Every time of day, you couldn't help but tell her how beautiful she looked, still amazed that such a radiant woman had chosen to be with you. Your kisses lingered, slowly exploring each other, shedding any barriers between you.

You would gently undress her, admiring her soft, full form, and your hands found their way to her curves, losing yourself in the pleasure of her touch and the sweet sound of her moans. With tender care, you would lift her, laying her down on the bed, whispering words of love and admiration, reaffirming how much she meant to you.

As you kissed your way down her body, you would marvel at her beauty, taking in the sight of her soft arousal. You circled her clit with gentle pressure, lost together in the waves of pleasure. Making love to her was a slow, deliberate act, a tribute to her kindness and support, unaware of how deeply she touched your heart and healed your soul.

Until one night, your mind was besieged by flashbacks, but you refrained from seeking solace in kisses because you respected her need for rest, always mindful of her boundaries. As you grappled with your thoughts alone, you recognized that continuing this way wasn't sustainable, prompting you to take action.

Sleep had become elusive, and after a particularly taxing day, you pushed yourself to seek help. The journey led to an unexpected diagnosis of PTSD, a revelation that caught you off guard. To you, the symptoms had felt like a part of daily life, a burden you had unknowingly carried for so long.

You lay on your side, your back turned towards your girlfriend, feeling the weight of tension in your body and the ceaseless churn of thoughts in your mind. It was important to you that she got the rest she deserved after a challenging game. Meanwhile, she lay on her back beside you, still wide awake, sensing the emotional distance between you both.

You knew she was overthinking it, and despite your efforts to suppress it, the need to unburden yourself grew stronger. "Amor," you whispered softly into the quiet of the room. Before she could respond, you found yourself blurting out, "I want to tell you something, but I'm afraid you'll leave," your voice catching as tears welled up.

Your girlfriend shifted closer, wrapping her arms around you, her front pressing against your back. "I won't leave," she reassured you, her own heart fluttering with anxiety. Her embrace was a testament to her unwavering support, a gentle reminder that you were not alone in this moment of vulnerability.

You broke down in tears, turning to bury your face in her neck, unable to stop sobbing. "I lied to you, and I'm so sorry, but I didn't know how to tell you," you managed to choke out between sobs. Your girlfriend held you tightly, her hand gently running through your hair in a soothing gesture, trying to comfort you through your tears.

"I've been having these flashbacks from my childhood, and my mother wasn't kind," you finally confessed, the words heavy with pain. Her response was a gentle whisper against your ear, "I'm so sorry to hear that, mi amor," her voice filled with compassion, causing another wave of tears to escape you. "I didn't realize... I had buried it all, but it's all coming back," you hiccuped, the weight of the memories overwhelming.

"It's coming back, and they says it's PTSD," you admitted, feeling vulnerable yet relieved to finally share this burden with her. She continued to hold you close, recognizing the emotions that had been building up over time. Her presence and understanding were a source of comfort as you let yourself cry in her arms.

"Who says that, mi vida?" she asked softly, her voice free of judgment.

"My therapist," you replied, feeling a twinge of embarrassment. Alexia's response was a gentle sigh of relief upon learning that you had been seeking help from a professional.

"Aren't you mad?" you asked cautiously, uncertain of how she might react.

"I don't understand how it's PTSD," you continued, struggling with the concept because you had always associated PTSD with a single traumatic event.

"It's okay, mi amor," Alexia reassured you tenderly, her voice soothing. "This stems from your childhood, from being in a toxic environment for years. I'm so proud of you for taking this step and seeking the help you deserve from a professional. PTSD is just a diagnosis—it won't define who you are, I promise you that."

After Alexia's reassuring words, you felt a weight lift from your shoulders, if only slightly. Her acceptance and understanding were more than you had dared hope for. You turned to face her, eyes filled with gratitude and a hint of disbelief.

"I... I didn't know how you'd react," you admitted quietly, your voice still trembling with vulnerability.

Alexia gently cupped your face in her hands, her touch grounding you in the moment. "Mi amor, I'm here for you. Always," she said earnestly, her eyes reflecting unwavering support.

You leaned into her touch, feeling a rush of relief and gratitude. "Thank you," you whispered, overwhelmed by her unconditional love.

"I want to understand," Alexia continued softly, her thumb brushing away a stray tear from your cheek. "If you're comfortable, tell me more about what you're going through. I'm here to listen."

You hesitated, grappling with the fear of burdening her with your pain. But her patient gaze encouraged you to share. "It's like... these memories keep coming back, and they feel so real," you began haltingly. "I thought I had buried them, but they're here, haunting me."

Alexia nodded thoughtfully, her expression one of deep empathy. "It must be incredibly difficult," she murmured, her fingers gently tracing soothing patterns on your back.

"It is," you admitted, feeling the weight of years of suppressed emotions. "But having you here... it makes a difference. Knowing that I can lean on you."

"You can always lean on me," Alexia affirmed, pulling you into a tender embrace. "We'll face this together, mi amor."

As you rested in her arms, the knot of fear and uncertainty began to loosen. For the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope. A sense that with Alexia by your side, you could navigate the stormy seas of your past and find peace.

The therapy sessions had become a regular part of your life, a deliberate effort to untangle the tightly wound threads of your past. Through EMDR, you revisited memories long buried, each session leaving you emotionally drained yet oddly liberated. But it wasn't just the memories that haunted you; it was the residual effects that surfaced unexpectedly.

One evening, as you strolled through a crowded plaza in Barcelona, a sudden movement caught your eye, triggering an involuntary flinch. Alexia noticed immediately, her concern etched on her face.

"It's okay, mi amor," she murmured softly, drawing you closer as you continued walking. "I'm here."

Grateful for her understanding, you nodded. These moments were unpredictable, flinches at sudden movements, a racing heart at unexpected sounds but Alexia's presence was a steady anchor. She knew about the therapy, about the fragments of your past you were piecing together, and she didn't flinch from your moments of vulnerability.

As you settled into a cozy café, Alexia reached across the table, her fingers intertwining with yours. "You're doing so well," she reassured you, her voice unwavering. "Facing all of this takes incredible strength."

You managed a small smile, feeling the weight of her words and the warmth of her touch. With Alexia, there was no need to explain yourself, she understood without words, offering solace in her silent support.

One evening, as you and Alexia were relaxing together at home, she moved suddenly to hand you a book, and you flinched involuntarily. It shocked you because you knew deep down that Alexia would never hurt you. Tears welled up in your eyes as you whispered, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

Alexia's heart broke as she immediately took you in her arms, holding you close. "Shh, mi amor," she whispered softly, her voice laced with understanding and concern. "It's okay, I know you didn't mean it."

"I just... I just want to have some peace with you," you sobbed, your words choked with emotion. Alexia held you tighter, gently rocking you as you released the pent-up sorrow and fear.

As your tears subsided, Alexia continued to hold you close, her touch a soothing balm to your troubled soul. Feeling a surge of gratitude and love for her unwavering support, you gently pulled back to look into her eyes.

"Thank you," you murmured, your voice trembling with emotion. "For understanding, for being here."

Alexia smiled tenderly, brushing a tear from your cheek. "I love you," she whispered, her voice filled with sincerity.

Moved by her words and overwhelmed by the depth of your feelings, you reached up to cup her face in your hands. "I love you too," you replied softly, your heart swelling with love for this extraordinary woman who had changed your life.

In a spontaneous gesture of affection, you leaned forward and pressed your lips to hers, a kiss filled with gratitude, love, and a promise of healing together. Alexia responded eagerly, her arms wrapping around you as she deepened the kiss, both of you melting into each other's embrace.

[chocolatetittymilk]

“I’m in love with you!” Series

Alhaitham x reader Summary — Alhaitham has never been one for social interactions - in fact, neither of you knew each other in the first place. His pride never allowed anyone to befriend him fully. Until you decide to confess your love to him bluntly one morning, ultimately changing his perspective about you. TW : angst-comfort, unrequited love, strangers to enemies to lovers, possible smut, aged-up characters word count : 2.9k

pt. 1 - "Excuse me?"

“I’m in love with you.”

“Excuse me?”

You both stood in the middle of a park, some corny shit out of some little kid romance film.

“I’m in love with you.”

Bags on the back of both of you, freshly out of class.

“This is what you dragged me out here for? Tch.”

He scoffs a little, almost like it’s a joke. The wrinkle in between his eyebrows was even more prominent. He’d never been one for jokes or wasting time. In fact, he hates wasting time. Even more so when it's people wasting his time.

But you don’t flinch, not a hint of hurt. Just a straight face while holding your books in your arms: like a fucking schoolgirl. (even if you technically are one)

He goes to open his mouth, reject you and move on with his day. Only, you interrupted him quickly, not a stutter or hitch.

“If you don’t feel the same way then I’ll be on my way.”

Not even batting an eye, you turn around swiftly and start walking away. No outburst, no crying, its dramatic flair to his annoyance. ‘Odd.’ That’s all that comes to mind when he watches you leave, not making any move to stop you.

See Alhaitham has always been popular among women; whether it be Valentine's Day or a rainy day, there was always someone wanting to confess their interest or feelings for the silver-haired man. Most of the time it ends with them raising their voices, crying and sobbing. Knowing that his interest in romantic aspects were, well, none.

But this was the first time someone didn't care slightly that someone, little to nothing himself, didn't return the feelings. Alhaitham turns some music on connecting it to his headphones, trying to shake whatever feeling came over him. Envy? Anger? This was one of the rare times Alhaitham had been consumed with something he didn't know logically to do with.

Meanwhile, you walked away not a care in the world. Your friends had hidden behind some trees aways away, trying to see some sort of drama or events take place. Especially with their all-nonchalant friend who didn't care for rejection or romance in the first place.

Coming up behind you, Dehya had a frown on her face. "You seriously didn't care one bit, did you?" It wasn't even a question, more of a statement. Observing your straight face, you raised an eyebrow.

You had asked Alhaitham after a class to meet up with him in the park to discuss something. It went fairly smoothly; he didn't even ask what about. You had thought he probably already had an idea about what it would be about. 'Always the cut-and-dry type.' you thought as you walked.

"Why would I care? What exactly would I care about?" You replied back, with no form of irritation or any negative emotion. 'Typical', Dehya had thought as Candace chose to speak up next, all of you walking towards home. Sun starting to set in the background.

"I mean, you liked him, didn't you?" She started to say, "It's okay to feel bad about it-"

"But I don't. Life goes on, nothing changes. In fact, I'm glad he didn't waste my time with idle chit-chat about, "when" or "how" I ended up liking him. It's so exhausting." You interrupted her, ranting about how it's not that important. Dehya just rolled her eyes, Candace trying to smile slightly at the both of you.

"That's a smart way of thinking about it but... I mean... It can be disappointing too."

You huff a little, eye twitching just a little. 'How irritating.'

"I love and appreciate you both for your concern and, uhm, support. But I do not need it, think of it all as a little experiment." You turned towards them, halting your steps. The three of you standing on the sidewalk, almost to your destination. "It failed and my hypothesis was incorrect. So, it's back to the drawing board." You smile slightly, walking up the steps of your home. Getting out your keys, Candace and Dehya look with a knowing look.

"Wasn't it you who even proposed the setting? Maybe he thought it was a joke since it was at a park..." Dehya offered an explanation, but even she didn't fully believe it.

"It was one of the better settings, it was secluded, away from prying eyes and away from earshot. Quiet and nothing to be distracted by. But maybe I should've chosen somewhere else." You finished, trying to think through all possible errors. "Either way it doesn't matter, what happened, happened. No use in fretting about it."

Dehya gave a grim look, "I didn't mean it like that..."

"It's okay. Plus, we're still studying, still young. I'm not expecting someone like him to be even hint in that direction with anyone. You know Alhaitham." You had a sly little smile on your face as you unlocked the door, glancing at the two girls.

Dehya laughs a little, "Oh we are very well aware... I honestly don't see how you had feelings for that iceman." Stepping inside your house as well with the two of you. Candace makes a face towards Dehya, knowing that it wasn't as polite as it could've been said.

You snorted a little as you got out leftovers. "Well, I took into account his demeanor but also his interests. He cuts to the chase, doesn't like idle-chit chatting, moving towards a career and goal-"

"I think we get the picture... Almost the male version of you." Candace replies cutting you off as Dehya tries not to laugh.

You roll your eyes and laugh a little, "Yeah yeah. So, are we watching a movie?"

"I'll make the popcorn-" Dehya starts to say.

"I call choosing the movie!" Candace says from the living room, already picking up the remote.

'This is all I need anyways.' you think with a smile on your face as you get out the snacks.

The next day was the same, at least both Alhaitham and you tried to go about it that way.

Attending classes, even the ones where the both of you shared. Going to lunch, where most of the time Alhaitham would be reading in a quiet space, teal eyes focused on the pages. Or you would be taking notes while sitting at a table with Candace or Dehya.

Barely a moment slipped passed your mind about him, and you to him.

It was almost like the confession had never happened; everything was in place as if it were untouched.

And, in all honesty, a week had passed with this routine. Each of you living your lives, studying hard to earn your degree. Alhaitham studied mathematics and science (and reading everything and anything in between) to be a scribe to Sumeru. While you studied biology and botany; trying to achieve a Naturopathic doctor of Sumeru for the head scribe. That is why both of you shared science classes in the first place.

Everything going smoothly until a shared class between the two of you. The professor had allowed the rest of the class to be used as studying or note taking; free to leave anytime in between.

"Hey, you're trying to become a doctor, aren't you?"

Alhaitham's ears picked up in the crowded lecture room.

"Yes, a Naturopathic doctor... if that makes any difference." You replied, still focusing on whatever last needed notes to write down. Kaveh sat down beside you, clearly interested in a conversation between the two of you.

'Always the annoying roach.' Alhaitham thought, knowing full well how Kaveh was. Being his roommate definitely had its perks, like constant groceries and good furniture. But that's about it, now that he thought about it.

The constant nagging, scoffs, and judgments from the blonde were the epitome of annoyance. Always, "You're always so cold" "Put away your books they're everywhere" and even "All you ever do is study, one drink won't hurt." The future architect didn't have any sense of routine, at least that's what Alhaitham believed. Except maybe the constant time at the bar for drinks after classes.

"Oh, what type of doctor is that?" Kaveh's eyes were full of curiosity as if he found his new thing to be obsessed with for a week.

"A healthcare professional who practices naturopathic medicine. Naturopathic medicine is an alternative medicine approach that emphasizes using natural medicine and a “whole person” approach to prevent, diagnose, and treat health conditions." You highlighted part of your notes, then shut your notebook, finally looking at the red eyes of the blonde.

"Basically, a doctor whose treatment and medication are plant or nature-based. No fake shit." You give a little fake smile and pack your things up, already slinging your bag on your back.

"You know, you seem pretty cool, wanna catch a drink together? I know this fantastic place, even the dishes are quite tasty-"

"I have studies I need to do, plus I already have some plans with a couple of friends of mine." You cut him off, trying to hurry off in the process. But Kaveh is one of the most stubborn people Alhaitham has ever met.

Alhaitham smirked a little at the rejection, hands pausing to listen. Of course, he wasn't truly trying to pry into the conversation, you both are just so loud. At least that's what he told himself. Trying to tune them out, he focuses back on his note-taking. Plugging his headphones into his ears, drifting off into his little world.

"That's okay! How about your friends and you come by - my friends also go there to get a drink so think of it like a big get-together." Kaveh tried to explain, hoping that his honest to God's idea would work.

You gritted your teeth, jaw clenching. It's not that social interaction was unattainable, but very much not wanted. It was hard enough trying to befriend Candace and Dehya years ago, little to nothing now. Walking out into the hallway towards outside, Kaveh still trails behind you, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know, my friends aren't really keen on big groups, so I'll have to ask them-" Suddenly Candace and Dehya are there waving at you to come closer. 'Looks like they were waiting for me to finish up...' you look a little surprised when Kaveh notices your look. "Are those your friends?" he asks, and without even waiting for your answer he walks up to them.

"Fuck." you mumble as you try to catch up and stop Kaveh from talking them into having a gathering together.

It's not that you didn't like Kaveh, in fact, you bet he's a very nice and kind guy... But you're not one for social events, nor making friends. They require a lot: opening up, spending time together, making time for them, and even dragging you into things you don't necessarily want to be a part of. And, as you watch the three of them talk, I guess this was one of those moments.

"Oh, we'd love to all hangout. In fact, we were all going to do that anyway." Candace smiles at Kaveh, accepting his invitation on behalf of quite literally the whole group. Dehya had a little cautiousness to her but still agreed anyway. Meanwhile. you tried your best to stay composed.

They exchanged words with each other and headed towards your home. 5 pm, that's the agreed time for the get-together. The girls and you had agreed to head back to your place to chill out (or, in your case, study) and then get ready to go.

"Do we really need to do all this unnecessary socializing? What if his friends are weird or perverts." You said, trying on some casual clothes. You knew it was unrealistic to think something of that, but you couldn't help but make excuses. Maybe if you put certain thoughts in their heads then you wouldn't have to endure this social gathering.

Candace is in the background fixing her makeup and Dehya watching from the sidelines. "It'll be finnnee, no need to worry we'll be in a public setting if anything happens." Candace tried comforting you, knowing full well how much you despised idle chitchat.

"Plus, there is our big strong guard dog that will protect us." She made a snide remark, looking towards Dehya who had her eyebrow raised.

You laugh, "Oh yes our big scary guard dog. How could I ever forget her." Candace and you bust out laughing, Dehya replying in an eye roll and sigh going out of the room and into the living room.

"Oh! I also invited Layla; she's been meaning to get out more so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity." Candace mentions as she finishes touching up her makeup.

Layla, always the quiet and tired woman who surprisingly hasn't died from lack of sleep. She's joined our group on the occasion, meeting her from Candace on one outing with them all. 'She's one of the only people I can tolerate for a long while.' You thought, thinking back on how Layla wasn't much of a talker. A commenter? Sure, but not out of any negative intentions, merely out of pure observation.

"Yeah, that's fine, I haven't spoken to her in a while." You concluded as you headed into the bathroom to change.

Oh, this was going to be an eventful night.

"Just go with us for once, it's not a big deal unless you make it one."

Kaveh stood in his and Alhaitham's living room, trying to convince the ever-so-monotone man to join in the fun for a night.

"And why would I waste time with pleasantries when I could be doing something much more productive." Alhaitham concluded, eyes never wavering from the pages of the book set in his hands.

Alhaitham hated wasting time, and what he believed in wasting time was quite a list. Social events, social gatherings, taking unnecessary amounts of notes, pleasantries, and idle chitchat. Oh and of course any and all romantic aspects. He just believed it was unnecessary, boring, time-consuming, and useless.

"And what is productive, Alhaitham? Reading all day? Making more of a mess?" Kaveh scoffed, truly not understanding why the man had no sense of respect for even his roommate.

"Do you need a list?" Alhaitham asked coyly, "I can give you one if you truly need one, Kaveh. Unless you're too busy drinking your sorrows away."

Kaveh just scoffed again, angrily grabbing his coat. "To think I wanted to introduce you to my new acquaintances." He stomped towards the door only to stop by the sound of Alhaitham's indifferent voice.

"And who in their right mind would agree to have a drink with you? I know Cyno and Tighnari are your usual, but besides that, I don't think anyone could tolerate ten minutes of your yapping."

Although, Alhaitham had truly meant what he said - Kaveh's non-stop talking had made a lot of people cut their visits short - part of him was wondering who was joining them. Wondering if it was you who had agreed.

Kaveh turned around sharply, "For your information, it was the girl in our class and her friends who were more than happy to join Cyno, Tighnari, and me. So, pull your delusions out of your ASS!" Kaveh said loudly and defensively, then turned around curtly and headed out of the door.

"The only delusions here are your life, dear Kaveh." Alhaitham muttered, wondering why you had accepted his invitation. 'Is she just interested in anyone?' he had wondered. 'Why does it matter, she's just a classmate.' Alhaitham had settled, yet part of him was curious about you.

Candance, Dehya and you had dropped by Layla's to accompany her to the bar. The four of you walked towards the bar, already spotting where Kaveh was waiting for you at the entrance. Nerves were a bit high already coming closer to the building, knowing you're not the best in social situations. Yet it wasn't as bad as you had thought previously.

'How sweet of him.' you had thought as he greeted each of you, opening the door and showing you to the table they already had.

The air was slightly stuffy due to the cooking and people gathered around, but ultimately it wasn't as loud as you thought it would be. The place was cozy, and the smell of mouth-watering food wafted through the air. 'Looks like Kaveh knows his places.'

Walking towards the table you spot a familiar face, "Tighnari, nice seeing you again." You had sat down next to him, offering him a small smile.

Tighnari smiled brightly at you, "Ah if it isn't the doctor in training! I wasn't expecting you to join us." He leaned in towards you looking at your face. "Did you grow your hair out a little? It's been a while."

Your ears turn a little red, embarrassed by his observation. You cleared your throat a little, "I haven't had time to get a haircut, studies are a necessity to-"

"-to success. Ah still saying the same thing I see." He finishes your sentence, smiling and shaking his head a little.

Tighnari had recently graduated from Amurta, specializing in biology, ecology, and medicine. Exactly what you wanted to study. The both of you knew each other from preliminaries, him registering for his last year in Amurta and you applying for your second year. Three years in total. One year difference. You both had bonded through the mutual interests in biology and medicine, Tighnari going as far as offering to mentor you if needed.

But you had your own things I suppose.

Then suddenly, a deep familiar voice spoke between the two of you.

"Proper care to oneself is also the path to success. Neglecting one's basic needs will only lower your chance of success." He pauses, slyness dripping from his voice, "Unless you're intentionally wanting to fail."

'This cocky piece of shit.'

pt.2 here | ''im in love with you!" m!list

2024 © chocolatetittymilk : do not repost or translate my works anywhere. do not copy or use my works in any site.

[a66-1]

starving.

Simon x Fem!Insecure!Reader.

Part 1 | ???

TW: Talk of ed's, negative self talk, low self esteem, bad mouthing (from reader to herself, comes with the territory) cursing, self harm. i tried not to be too descriptive with the reader, so EVERY insecure girlie who reads this feels seen. (these tw are for the whole thing, im pretty sure this is gonna be a series)

a/n: hey. if you need help, dm me. ill talk to you if you need it :). (also i made my banners. if you want one dm me! i make them for free, just with credit :)) NOT PROOF READ

i hope your doing okay honey.

Stepping out of the shower, the towel around you just big enough to touch ends is slipped around yourself. Showering is getting harder. You can barely stand glancing at the mirror now.

You dry yourself off, and hand the towel back up. You can do it, just walk past the mirror to grab your clothes.

You take the steps past the mirror, and turn your back to the mirror to change. Slipping your bra on, and it squishes the skin on your back and you grimace.

Once your dressed, you turn back around. The nagging voices are just waiting to pounce. I mean, what? You used to be so skinny.

You used to be pretty.

You decided to let your hair air dry, and you walk into your bedroom. You had work today, but you really wish you didn't. It was a bad week, you'd skipped 3 meals in the last few days and you know what your therapist would say.

'The progress you've made, hun. You can't go back now.'

The bad days are getting too close to each other now. You used to have at least a week between them, but now it's barely 48 hours. Maybe being off medicine isn't working good anymore.

Maybe you're no good.

You throw in a big hoodie, one that covers you, and some sweat pants, glancing at the big mirror in your room.

You can't stop analyzing yourself.

There's not one good thing on you is it?

Fuck.

The rest of the day was spent at your stupid 9-5, with your stupid boss, in your stupid, lonely life. Christ, being off anti-depressants is really hitting you hard. Everyone at your job is stupid and today every customer who wants to blow you ear off about how you kids these days, by the end of the day, your so tense that your shoulders are aching.

You got about 30 minutes left at this off-brand kroger store, when a big, big ass man walks in, shoving a mask with a skull print on it on. You curse to yourself, you really don't want to have to call the police for a robbery, you just want to go home.

To be honest, if he had a gun, you'd be half tempted to let him shoot you-

"Ma'am?" A heavy British accent came from your right. You turn your head, and scan his few items. You don't bother with the how are you's and you sigh.

"It'll be 16.84." You drag your eyes to his, and he reaches to his pocket, pulling out..

A wallet. What else were you thinking?

He hands you a twenty, and you hand him his respective change. He bags his own items, because honestly, you seem like the only worker in the store. Your face is written with exhaustion, whether it be from this job or something else, and the guy notices.

"Have uh... A good day." He nods to you, and walks off.

You purse your lips, and sigh, closing your cashier, because fuck finishing today. You're too close to a breakdown, and you're not trying to let anyone see.

You drive home, your hands tight around the wheel. You know it's a bad idea to be driving this emotional, to the point you wonder what would happen if you swerve your car into a tree.

You won't do it though.

You need to get back out there. It's why you stopped taking your meds.

You promise yourself that tomorrow you'll go out, and at least get a one night stand, you want need, anything.

Once home and in bed, you scroll and scroll and scroll. Doom scrolling is too common on these longer nights. You have a pillow tucked into your arm, and your hand squeezes it every time that pang in your lower chest rings out. Loneliness, you think.

You always scroll through your old friends instagrams or snapchats, seeing their nice bodies and nice boyfriends. You've been so nice and kind and karma should be on your side, but it always failed.

Especially after your last boyfriend.

Your friends say to wait.

To wait.

To wait.

But waiting is getting harder. Days are getting longer, and your head seems to spin more when left to its own devices. Why do you have to wait?

Your looks.

Your personality.

Who'd wanna be seen with you?

You flip your phone over, and shove your face in the pillow, your breathing staggered.

You fell asleep late, that night. The tears brought you to exhaustion.

woah why did this take 2 tries to write.

be waiting for pt.2

TRUST FINALS ARE SOOM COMING TO AN END and summer i will be STEWING TRUST!!!

Taglist!

@i-am-hungry-24-7

thank you for all the support. drunk simon blew up and im crying bc i came back after a 2 year hiatus and i wasn't getting the same feedback as usual so to finally seeing people enjoy my work again makes me feel great. <3

sorry simon wasn't in this part much. you gotta know the reader first tho, right?

bye babes..

-a661

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: how can you grow/blossom?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: how can you rejuvenate yourself this spring?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

don't fall for short-cuts. the process is why things work. taking time is a positive, not a hindrance that you may believe it to be. keep putting in effort daily - it will lead to long lasting results. be present and get enthusiastic about your projects - abundance breeds abundance. keep setting goals and take realistic steps to avoid burnout/disappointment. be patient - you are on your way.

your intuition is your friend - connect to your inner self/desires. try to keep a clear mind - you'll find the answers you seek are already inside of you. trust yourself.

there is ambition and then there is greed. stop pushing yourself or others to the extreme. very little is worth what you believe it is. you are on a path to burn out in that regard. take a moment and reflect on whether you are exhausting yourself or actually being productive.

pile two

take a minute - it's okay to standstill. you aren't behind or unable to move forward. you are "on pause" for a reason. there is something in front of you that still needs to be sorted out so take time and do so. in other words, focus on the present instead of pushing forward to the future.

you are very capable - realize that you are and accept that you are. just make that sure you keep your intentions and passions clear. your thoughts are likely to manifest quite quickly. you are powerful enough to create your own world.

right now something is out of balance in your life. having an equal give and take can be hard but it is necessary if you want to grow. start saying no to certain things, situations, and people to create more space in your life for what fulfills you.

pile 3

you work best alone - you are an independent person. stop trying to make yourself align with others when you are your own entity. seek your inner truth. align with it. spending time alone is not a negative - it is actually quite good for you and helps you to recharge and reconnect with your desires. do some soul-searching when you are alone, so you can connect with your inner truth/wisdom.

share your ideas with confidence. they are great you just have to believe in them and more importantly yourself. focus on your projects and passions because they are worthwhile. don't doubt your abilities/skills. you have what it takes to make a prosperous future for yourself.

you are in need of some self-care. so what if things don't go as planned? that's fine - all in the universe's plan. when things don't go according to your plan, realize/understand that the universe is guiding you where you are meant to be. be kind to yourself in the meantime. things will get better - trust the universe.

[etherealkissed88]

I don't know if you've already made a post about this, but I wanted to ask: How can I be more positive about the protests, not being a privileged person? I'm not the prettiest, I'm not the smartest, I'm not rich (in fact I want to manifest better conditions), I feel mentally exhausted. I'm kind of just desperate to manifest a better life for myself and my family, but I feel so negative about it. I feel like I'm just going to become another one of the statistics about poor people; Sometimes I question the results of certain people, because I actually don't know if they are already privileged in a certain way, whether it's because she's pretty, smart or has money. Some people who talk about staying positive, manifest, selfcare, are privileged people, not rich people, but people with excellent financial and psychological conditions; I'm sad, because I really don't have money for self-care or therapy, I feel guilty, sad and insufficient because I don't have enough money:(

do not pretend these circumstances arent there. realize that you are self that chooses what to accept as true. yes, you have a choice. what you should do is become indifferent to what you experience. yes it is in the 3d but “it doesnt affect who i am and what version of myself i choose to be.”

i think the reason why u may be getting a mental burn out is because you are trying to persuade or force yourself to believe that what your human self is experiencing in the 3d, is not there. again - indifference. another important concept is the nuetral 3d. it never has original meaning. we give it meaning.

i know how you feel about being tired of life - and from my experience, i was so tired of living a life i didnt like that it motivated me to actually apply the law and use my power to get what i want. the law is always working for you so you are always in control, and when you live this “negative” life, it is you - the operant power, allowing yourself to stick in this “negative” life. you are choosing to be this version of you who lives like this. you are being the one who is living that.

know that it is not - the 3d shows me something -> then i become a version of me / i embody a version of me which matches the 3d. it will always be, i am a version of me -> the 3d follows that bc i am the 3d. signs follow, they do not precede.

you cannot let what you see influence who you become. bc who you become is why you are seeing what you see. who you are being is why you see what you see through that perspective, thro that state.

a lot of ppl have manifested great things and complete transformations without being privileged at first. stop focusing on other success stories and make yourself the success story. success story = changing self!

for the feelings of guilt and sadness, allow yourself to feel that bc emotions are human nature. what you shouldnt do is feel like those emotions are ruining anything, or try to suppress these emotions, or make imaginary and “negative” stories out of those emotions. they are always neutral!

when you are experiencing bad things, so what you need to do to make ends meet in the 3d such as getting a job to get that money you want. whatever you do shouldnt intertwine with the rich version of you that you are being. you can do whatever you want in the 3d while being/knowing you have what you want already. but you do not self-sabotage your human self because you think that doing stuff in the 3d will “ruin your manifestation”. example: you are broke in real life so you get a job while being the version of self who is already rich. it doesnt matter what you experience in the 3d bc all that matters is who self is being. if you didnt take that job but you are struggling financially, there is still the human self to take care of (you need money for food, shelter, etc) so again, nothing you do in the 3d matters as long as you are changing self.

to wrap up: it doesnt matter what you see in the 3d. clearly you claim: you arent the prettiest or smartest or richest. thats the issue. you are accepting those versions of you. you are being those versions of you.

& “how to be more positive?” : decide you are positive and happy. i can recommend visualizing yourself living the life you want and eventually you will fulfill yourself and be this new version of you.

skim this for other questions: 🧼

- cutie jani

[hermetiqa]

What do you need to hear right now?

Daily Message: 30.07.24

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS

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NOTE: Please feel free to give me a feedback on my asks about the reading! I would highly appreciate it especially since I've decided to do daily message readings from now on.

Pile 1

You might have a lot of dreams especially at the present time, and you have the power to turn these dreams into your reality. You already have all the things and abilities you need to make them come true, you just need to have faith in yourself that you can make them come true and that they will come true. Don't be afraid to take risks and grab the opportunities that come to you. This is a reminder that you have to celebrate your successes, accomplishments and all the good things that come into your life too. There may be times that you tend to look at the darker side of your perspectives in life and situations that you go through, but the cards suggest that you should embrace the positive side. You should learn how to let yourself be who you truly are and embrace your inner child, especially heal it. Whenever you go through a difficult path in your life, keep in mind that there's always light at the end of the tunnel. All your hard work is paying off. You're on the right path. I'm getting 222, which is an angel number that you might be seeing lately, whether 2:22 on the clock, 222 on plate numbers, etc. You're in the right place at the right time. You have a lot of potential to reach your goals, you just have to have faith in yourself. Be confident and stay on the positive side, don't let your negative thoughts take over your mind. Other than that, as much as you're focused on your goals and you really want to achieve them, don't forget to keep your connections with other people. Especially the ones who support and inspire you. Never forget to surround yourself with people who are healthy/not toxic, even the ones whom you think are better than you or have achieved more than you did. This is not a competition. And in reality, these people are good for you as they can even help you get through it.

Pile 2

This is a reminder to never forget to take some rest, you need it. You need to take some rest from the outside world and focus on yourself as well. Take a break from the things that are draining for you. Set aside those things that exhaust you, especially if it's mental exhaustion and it's leading you to a burnout. Take some time to recharge and don't feel guilty about doing so because it's totally alright, you need that. I feel as though you're spending too much time when it comes to your finances, career, and even studies. This is your reminder to balance that and your own well-being. Take some rest and clear your mind because you're a logical and intellectual person. You can rely on your mind because this isn't what drives you to negative thoughts but your determination to succeed. You tend to rush things and push yourself beyond your limits. You can trust your mind and your own self, and you need to put your trust in it. I can also see that you're almost there. Your goals are just a few steps away. So this is your reminder to let yourself rest and take a deep breath before continuing to move forward. After letting yourself recharge, you can continue moving forward despite any setbacks that you may encounter. You might be tempted to rush things even more and push yourself beyond your limits because you're almost there, but this is a reminder that reaching your goals will be nonsensical if you're burned out when you're already there.

Pile 3

To those who are drawn to the 3rd pile and chose this, your message is the most serious of all. I would consider this as the "most important" or "urgent" to be heard. Because you have the tendency to fall into addictions. I feel like this is your coping mechanism if you struggle too much and you don't know how to handle it. This is your reminder not to let yourself fall into your own trap that you're unconsciously setting yourself up to. Be mindful of your tendencies to fall into your addictions and being dependent on things, and even people. This is your wake up call to cope up in healthy ways and let go of the unhealthy ones. I can see that you're currently struggling in a difficult situation and you're the type of person who would use your logic and intellect to get out of that situation. The only problem is that you tend to depend on your unhealthy habits and addictions, maybe alcohol or smoking or maybe even winning something. Maybe you've been obsessed in winning something lately. Because I can see that you'll be celebrating some achievement. You worked hard to achieve this goal of yours and you'll feel like a victor because this is a huge milestone for you. You'll get recognized for your hard work. When this victory comes for you, this is a reminder not to forget to be grateful of your success. Don't forget to celebrate your success and share your gratitude with others. Other than that, don't forget to share your ways in achieving this success to others. Do not gatekeep, because what goes around, comes around.

[qin-qin16]

cw.: Dream x Reader, hurt/comfort, gn!reader, reader has a bad coping mechanism, depressive thoughts, Dream is here to comfort you, he is just a sweet and good boy, comfort end, but the beginning is kinda angst… 

note: I ask for suggestions and decide to write one of them! Thank you @emeraldhazeidentity for the ideas! And sorry for the delay!  

Your body has always been at odds with itself, whether mentally or emotionally; this time, the problem was your feelings. They were vile and unwanted, creeping into your chest like rats and gnawing away any desire you normally had to get out of bed. And just like those rats, your body only huddled further into the nest that was your sheets on the mattress, a pile of shame and crumbs left from your last meal.

And even though you wanted to stop feeling all of this — this inadequacy at being competent in anything, the constant envy of never being among the best despite your efforts… All of this simply wore your body out, leaving it in a state of inactive exhaustion that began as mental fatigue and spread like a plague throughout.

However, it wasn’t because of your static figure or turbulent mind that you wanted to stop feeling all of this, no. It was because of Dream.

Oh Dream, he was a true angel sent from heaven into your life — and like any angel, you wanted him to stay untainted; your rotten feelings would only taint him, hurting his kind, golden soul. He had already suffered enough at the hands of others; you didn’t want to be just another person to take advantage of his kindness and heroic aura.

You didn’t deserve that — being wrapped in such warm energy — much less to be so selfish as to want Dream all to yourself, even though the thought of holding him in your arms during these lonely times was a recurring one. 

No, a small voice at the back of your mind whispers, Remember what Ink said once? That anything negative could hurt Dream? This weak mindset of yours only draws more and more of those bad, toxic feelings towards him,  and just like every time you found yourself hiding under the covers, the voice was right — was it your subconscious trying to bring some reason to you? Or was it just some kind of dissociation episode?

Truth be told, you didn’t care. That voice was usually right in the end, so why question its existence or purpose? Gradually, your fingertips grew numb, as if your body was sinking deeper into this spiral of feelings, while your chest felt so empty — a contradiction you had long stopped questioning.

Your mind goes blank from the sudden warmth resting on you, like a cozy blanket you didn’t realize you needed after covering yourself with all the ones on your bed.

The mattress dips slightly near your body; someone must have sat down next to you and probably covered you with an extra blanket. You flinch for a moment as you feel a gentle touch on your shoulder through the covers in a back-and-forth motion.

Someone calls your name, but it sounds so distant, muffled; as if softly guiding your mind back to your body.

“What happened, dear?” Oh, it’s him.

In a faint, flickering glow, your soul shimmers beneath your skin, casting a dim, cold light — and you can’t help but hear the soft, distant laughter coming from the other side of your hiding place.

“Oh, dear…” Dream, your cherished Dream, coos, momentarily pausing his gentle touch on your shoulder.

Close to your face, you see Dream’s fingers tentatively emerging from beneath the blanket, inching closer to you — until they lift the blanket just enough for Dream’s face to come into view, with a smile that, though small, radiated the light of the most beautiful stars you’ve ever seen.

"Hello, my darling." he whispers, sliding under the covers, "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." 

You don’t need to apologize for anything, but you can’t find the strength to say it; your body remains curled up, still numb from the deep sadness — even the presence of your angel wasn’t enough to chase away those dreadful feelings.

"I shouldn’t have left you alone." The hand that was holding the blanket over both of you moves to your face, gently caressing your cheek as the blanket falls over you two.

"I didn’t…" you start to speak, your throat tightening, "I didn’t mean to upset you." you finally admit.

Dream shushed you, leaning in slowly to press his face against yours in a tender gesture, "You could never upset me, never."

And then you feel that warmth again, the same warmth that had settled on you moments before — realizing that this gentle, comforting warmth was simply Dream’s presence close to you, wrapping your body in a warm embrace.

For a moment, you let yourself be carried away by the wave of tranquility that radiated from him, closing your eyes and feeling Dream relax even more against you — leaving a lingering kiss on your cheek before moving down to your jaw, placing another kiss before returning to his gentle nuzzle on your face.

“There’s a world out there waiting for you…” you murmur, hoping that his presence isn’t just a fleeting dream.

“The world can wait a bit longer.” he responds.

And as clichéd as it may sound, it was enough to bring a small smile back to your lips and to help your body finally emerge from its state of inertia. One of your hands strokes the back of Dream’s neck, drawing him closer into your tender embrace.

Maybe it was okay to be a little selfish and hold him in your arms for as long as you needed.

[signanothername]

you think nightmare sometimes cries himself to sleep at night when no one’s in the castle (especially killer, yet killer somehow knows anyways)

whether it be corrupted form or his passive form, that man sometimes cries himself to sleep at night yk

He absolutely does in my heart

Like not even necessarily every time, but they’re sorta like episodes?? (For a lack of better word) In which everything is too much for him and those vulnerable times are when the mask slips and he just can’t keep pretending he’s all high and mighty

The thing is with Nightmare is that he’s actually extremely fragile mentally, but he makes it seem like he has his shit figured out when in reality, the turmoil is eating away at him inside, he tries to look all high and mighty and untouchable outta fear

But he’s not just trying to fool everyone into thinking he’s untouchable in his high throne of self importance, but he’s also trying to fool himself into thinking that as well, and it works for the most part, but sometimes reality just sits in and Nightmare realizes how many of his actions are just born out of immense fear rather than any actual strength in him

Other times he just feels exhausted, and that exhaustion is what gets to him, sometimes it’s the loneliness, other times it’s bad or good memories, sometimes it’s after something triggering happens

And sometimes it’s everything that led up to this very moment of his life combined

And he just cries himself to sleep cause he doesn’t know what to do otherwise, and the actual sad part? Nightmare gets angry at himself for crying at all, cause he’s the king of negativity for god’s sake.. he shouldn’t be crying himself to sleep, but there’s nothing he can truly do about it

(And Killer absolutely knows, he just keeps it to himself, not out of mercy or pity, but just like with everything else Killer keeps to himself about Nightmare, he’s just waiting for the right time to twist the knife and he’ll make it hurt)

[wriothesleybear]

Can you please write a wrio reader fic where reader is just absolutely exhausted from a long day of work? like right when they walk in the door eyes are heavy, zombie, practically ready to pass out from exhaustion, sore back, just wants to cry to be honest. even more since they hate their job.

Damn, I feel this with my job. And if I had wrio to come home to, I'd die a happy woman. I hope Wrio doesnt seem oc in this. This is just what I think he'd be like as a comforting boyfriend cuz he is the best boyfriend. I also hope this isn't cringy. Ngl, I sorta got a bit teary eyed writing this cuz it made me think about how stressed I get from my own job and college classes and I would love to have Wrio comfort me when I come home ;-;

~warnings: comfort, a bit of angst, mentions of crying, Wrio calls reader 'dear, love', gn!reader.

~

The door of Wriothesley's office creaks open and slams shut. Slow, heavy footsteps tread up the stairs. Turning his head towards the stairs, he sees you. He notices the exhausted look on your face, too tired to even bother greeting him. He can tell from that that you had a bad day. You trudge over to the couch in his office, drop your items on the floor and fall on the cushions below, face first. He stifles a chuckle from watching your adorable actions.

He quietly scoots his chair back and walks over to the couch to check up on you. Taking a seat on the table in front of the couch, he places a hand on the back of your head, stroking your hair to comfort you. "Bad day?" You don't even have the energy to answer. All you can do is slightly nod your head. He continues to stroke your hair, knowing that's one of your favorite ways to feel better. "Want to talk about it?"

You take a second to respond, debating whether or not you really want to talk about it. It'll just be the same old rant about how you hate your job, how customers suck, how your back hurts, and all those negative things in your life. You feel guilty for always complaining your boyfriend's ear off, thinking he probably gets tired of it. Not wanting to burden him anymore, you shake your head no. "You sure? I'm always happy to listen to your worries and problems." He says as his hand moves down to rub your back in comfort.

His kind nature makes your heart skip a beat, so grateful to have someone like him in your life. Although, it makes you happy, you just want to cry. The stress from work and your worries of being a bad s/o to your wonderful boyfriend is what causes you to just break down and cry. You quietly cry but he can feel your body slighty shake. "What's wrong my love?" You don't reply. All you do is shake your head and cry.

"Come here." He gently grabs a hold of you, urging you to get up and sit on his lap so he can hold you. He effortlessly picks you up and has you straddle his lap. He holds your head to his chest, rubbing your back as he tries to shush you. "Shh, it's okay. Let it out if you need to." His shirt gets soaked from your tears, but he doesn't care. He just wants you to feel better and if letting you cry into his shirt helps you, then he'd let you ruin all of his shirts.

After a while, you begin to calm down, the sound of your sniffles and cries decreasing. "Did that help?" You nod your head while still keeping your face in his chest. "Sorry Wrio." He cups your face and moves it away from his chest so he can see your face. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm always here for you." He says as he looks deeply into your eyes, thumb stroking your cheek. You give him a small smile which he returns with his own gentle smile.

"So. Is there anyone I need to 'talk' to?" You recognize his implication and chuckle a bit. "No, just a stressful day. Just being here with you as you hold me is good enough for me." You lean your forehead against his and give him a eskimo kiss. "I'm glad. Now, how about I make you some tea?"

"In a bit. I just want you to keep holding me and stay like this for a while longer. Please."

"Of course my love." He gives you a short, sweet kiss on your lips. You nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, getting comfortable on his lap. His arms wrap around you, holding you tight and leaves a kiss on your head. "Um Wrio." He hums in response, acknowledging you. "Can you..stroke my hair again, please?" You ask shyly, blush covering your cheeks. He chuckles. "Of course my dear."

Keeping one arm wrapped tightly around your waist, he brings the other one up to your hair, stroking and combing his fingers through the soft strands. "Thank you Wrio." You say into his neck, leaving a little kiss on his skin. "I love you."

"Anything for you. I love you too. Rest now. I'll make you tea when you wake up." You smile, grateful to have a wonderful, loving boyfriend. Your eyes close as you get sleepy from his comforting touches. You soon fall asleep.

[from-m-izzy]

gleaming | the boyz lee sangyeon

“Go over the given time and I’ll spoil myself more than you.”

pairing » the boyz lee sangyeon x fem!reader​

trope/au » ​established relationship au!, non-idol au!

genre » 18+ ONLY; MDNI PLEASE! 🔞 explicitly (?) suggestive, there's some fluffy moments here too, reader and sangyeon are very much in love

word count; estimated reading time » 1825; ~7 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » dom/sub dynamic, dom!sangyeon, sub!reader, does not include explicit smut but i don't think it's sfw either, very suggestive (as compared to this; forever using it as a main benchmark), sangyeon grabs reader's neck (for a while), sangyeon's hands between reader's thighs (mentions of touching), sangyeon implied to physically taller and bigger than the reader, mentions of nudity (and undressing), panty sniffing; sangyeon of reader's, nicknames (baby girl; sangyeon to reader), kissing, (slight) public touching; sangyeon to reader, suggestive talk (public and private setting); sangyeon to reader, allusions to face sitting, not properly proofread (surprise surprise 😭 i'm sorry)

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

this is written to my dearest (and very old soulmate) ally @winterchimez 😘 happiest birthday to you!!

Sangyeon loves you. He loves you to bits and you believe in that confidently. You never feel any insecurities whenever he would be out without you. Your mind and heart are calm, not making any negative ‘what ifs’ from his actions towards the people around him, wherever he may be; and if anything, you’re confident in this seven-year relationship that you both are mature enough to settle any misunderstandings, should any occur, through conversations and patience. 

Sangyeon, from the very start, has treated you as his one and only. Picking you up from a place without notice? You can count on him to be in the car within a minute. Bringing you flowers whenever a date is scheduled, even when it’s not at some fancy restaurant and just window shopping in the city? Be prepared to have one hand free for the colourful bouquet. Making sure to pack an extra scarf or thick jacket for you to wear because the weather could be unpredictable? The back of his car has around ten of that each. Making sure that your credit card, your phone or any cash never leaves your wallet and bag? He gave the restaurant his card a few hours before he would take you to any restaurant. When you figured that out though, he started bringing it way earlier; sometimes during opening time, sometimes just a huge load of cash a day before. Spoiling you with all styles and colours of clothing, and supporting your hobbies by purchasing in-game items? He even made a copy of his credit card for you to use.

The princess treatment became even more luxurious when you both could afford a little studio together. As a child, you always wanted a big house, painted in your favourite colour and maybe walls stuck with stickers from the dollar store but all you need now is to wake up and sleep next to the love of your life. Everything else ripples after that. After an exhausting day, the thought of having his hand behind your back is enough to rid of the sleepiness before driving. 

Speaking of having a place for you both, Sangyeon has made sure to reserve a place in the corner of the bedroom for you. Whether that be for your gaming set-up or your skincare addiction he has reminded you to check the expiration date on or the albums of your favourite idols. He left his credit card next to your laptop to remind you that he supports you. His support never faltered even now as you're begging him for a date outside the house, hands clasped together in desperation.

“What's the occasion?” An eyebrow lifts in suspicion, his arms crossing in front of his built chest that you laid on last night.

“Nothing!” You shrugged, “There's just a little something that I want to get but shipping is expensive and we get to eat out.” You watch as Sangyeon tilts his head, his eyes narrowing at your wide eyes and the rising corners of your lips.

He knew he couldn't say no to you, no matter what. He was just expecting a lazy day in bed today as your day-offs finally matched after a few weeks. Just thinking of you both cuddling under the bedsheets and feeling your breathing against his bare chest, sharing body warmth through minimal clothing is all it took for that creeping red to make its way to his cheeks. But if his Princess wanted to have an energetic day out instead, then that’s what she’ll get.

You couldn’t help but chuckle confused at how Sangyeon suddenly bent his back, putting his face closer to you, cheeks lining up where your lips would be. When asked, Sangyeon turns his head, purposely flexing his closed smile to show his dimple. Understanding what he wanted, your toes lifted you to kiss one of his best features.

“You could’ve just asked,” rolling your eyes playfully and mimicking his crossed arms whilst walking away.

Your boyfriend stops you from taking another step, cushioning the back of your knee and your back with his sturdy hold. You couldn’t help but exclaim at the sudden levitation, but you knew he would never drop you; at least not to the floor. For extra security, “That wouldn’t be fun though now, would it?”

There’s something about men driving skilfully with one hand on the wheel and the other freestyling to be somewhere else. The very first few stages of the relationship, Sangyeon wanted to make sure that you felt safe in the moving metal vehicle, both hands parallel on the leather circle. Gradually, one hand lowers to rest on the head of the joystick. He knew the way he had his sleeves rolled halfway his arms also drove you crazy, judging from how your thighs would shake and the uneven exhales that are all too audible without much attention. From the corner of his eyes, he sees your thigh muscles contracting, ultimately closing as you look away to face the side mirror instead. 

He demands your attention even when he’s driving, reaching the stage of the relationship where the innocent swipes on the outside of your leg when he changes the control of the joystick to shamelessly keeping your thighs apart, hands venturing further up, riding your dress and skirt closer to your waistline. Occasionally his knuckles would press against where you needed him most and with the little game he started, you always made sure that if you were going to wear shorts or pants, the fabric would be thin enough for you to feel his ministrations.

“Come on,” you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding, relaxing the muscles of your throat. You let out the slightest huff, half disappointed at how Sangyeon didn’t seem to go further. “Let’s go, Princess,” clicking the seatbelt open for you. 

You didn’t bother masking your thoughts, unconsciously throwing a glare that is stronger than you expected. The look woke up Sangyeon’s dominant side and he locked the four doors through the main lock on his side. The realisation of your actions only hit you when Sangyeon easily wrapped a hand around your neck, pulling you into a searing kiss. The hands slide to the side gradually, pulling you by the back of your neck into a messy tongue fight. His collar rumpled against your hold for stability and Sangyeon found it amusing when you lightly moaned into him, a slight smirk adoring your gentle features.

“Here?” You asked at the small frame between your heated session.

“Don’t test me,” kissing you innocently by the tip of your nose, “Let’s go inside now.” Not before he slips a finger on your waistband and snaps it back against your skin did he exit the car, making his way to the other side to open the door for you. Before heading in, he sets a timer on his phone and you smirk at his impatience when he pulls your hips to his growing tent. “Go over the given time and I’ll spoil myself more than you.”

The rest of the shopping trip is tamely innocent. Sangyeon had to take deep inhales to calm his hardening member under his already tight dress pants. Thankfully, you decided to make the best of the time he gave you, dragging him along your shopping journey with a wholesome smile and it calmed the blood pumping throughout his body. Within the first few minutes, Sangyeon is already holding two shopping bags as he recognises some dresses that has been in your shopping cart for some time. The attention to detail is rewarded with a long (but still tame) kiss on his lips. That is until you decide to comment about something that makes his heart excited, dopamine rushing to all the things that he wants to do to you tonight.

“You don’t understand,” putting the bottle of moisturiser that you had a stock of at home, “I need all of these to make sure that my skin stays glowing like right now,” sulking at how your boyfriend does minimal skincare and his skin feels like a newborn baby’s soft, healthy and plump ones, “It’s not fair.”

“Your skin is beautiful, baby girl,” kissing your cheek to prove his point.

“But you can’t ignore the fact that yours is gleaming and immaculate.”

Sangyeon nods, lightly shrugging his shoulder, “I actually have a secret to this gorgeous, glowing skin.” It perks your ears, never hearing that Sangyeon is into such things, “Let’s get out of here and I’ll show you?” You could tell that he was up to something that wasn’t related to skincare but there was no way you didn’t want to find out what he was hiding behind that seemingly cute and pure eye smile of his, not when he didn’t mind cupping your ass, gripping on your flesh in public for everyone to see. Your nod is what makes Sangyeon drag you out of the shopping mall.

He didn’t bother checking if the car was parked prettily in the designated apartment parking and you can sense his neediness with how he left the shopping bags in the back seat, picking you up bridal style from the underground parking, not letting you use your feet. When asked why, in the midst of the tight square volume of the ascending lift, he whispers to the shell of your ears, “It’ll be doing all the workouts from now, don’t worry.”

You wanted to question him, but with just one look into his orbs, the darkness mixed with the lust made your stomach do little flips and the stomach there did an involuntary jolt as you felt your panties dampening with every second passed looking at his black eyes. As soon as you arrive at the room, Sangyeon wastes no time to drop you to sit on the bed. You were about to lie down, as that’s what you would usually do, but this time he tells you to stay still. You watch the strip show in front of you, Sangyeon unbuttoning his shirt but keeping it on. He rids the metal clasps of his belt, kicking his pants behind him and lays on the bed, arms propped behind him, flexing his biceps.

“Take only your panties off, baby girl,” a chill runs down your spine as he asks you and you’re suddenly hypnotised to do so. “Give it to me,” referring to the garment between your fingertips. 

What your boyfriend did next intensified the pulsing between your thighs, “S-Sangyeon,” the lewd scene of him kissing and inhaling the scent of your used underwear where your wet pussy was made your legs shiver.

“Sorry,” he chuckles, putting the garment below his pillow, “Now come sit on my face,”

Your eyes widen at the request, “W-We’ve never done that–”

“Do it, baby girl,” he demands softly, voice cutting through silence dominantly, “Let me do my skincare routine lying down.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

[eatmangoesnekkid]

FLOW, CIRCULATION, AND THE LOVER

A Venusian Temple Arts Channeling Most problems related to the female (or male) body are due to a lack of circulation in that area where the ailment is occurring. Also, a lack of circulation will negatively impact your bag and coins. Said differently: in this system, unless you were born into "old money," you must own that the condition of your body is directly related to your quality of life. Circulation is related to your heart, blood, sensuality, sex, passion, deep feeling, creativity, and overall life force energy. And there is no coincidence that there is a large amount of shame and mysticism around the female body and its resourceful capacity for epic circulation i.e. creation and regeneration--not only for ourselves but for the cells of our loved ones and for the collective cells of our village/community. How beautiful, right?! This is what I was channeling in my first book when I wrote "A sensually activated woman is a wealthy natural resource for any community. Pleasure is power." If you are desiring to strengthen your skills as a lover Goddess which is your flow state capacity to create.... anything including tactile abundance like money and better health, without exhausting yourself, the circulatory system has to become your favorite system of the body. It has to be your friend, your loved one. Because the prime quality of a lover is that she knows how to inspire and stimulate circulation or flow states in others as well--a type of muse consciousness. It could be with her compassion, heart, use of language, use of hands, breasts projections, face/mouth/quality of conversation, dance, beauty, singing, etc. Artists, men, women, children, and animals are attracted to muse consciousness in different ways. Improving your circulation helps to not only open your heart (releasing current and ancestral heartache/heartbreak) , but also increases your lubrication and libido, repairs your skin into a suppleness, and keeps your systems healthier. You will not only look better, but you will feel better in a more authentic way. When you smile, it will be truthful and emanate from deep within. Keep your feet and belly warm during winter month. Once your circulation improves, the blockages start to move and issues start to repair. It is the heat and warmth from your energy FLOWING that creates new body narratives. A lover knows the beauty of stimulating good circulation in self and in another. Anytime there is pain or stagnancy in the body, it is an indication of lack of FLOW--meaning--a need for lover energy! A lover has to strengthen her connection to her hands as well. Hand-heart connection is all lover energy. Also the constant necessity of self-massage and self-touch is important for the body of a lover. Also, the skill and service of having your well-placed, prayed-over loving hands massaging the pain points or blockages of another is just as important. A lover also has to be able to relax and fully receive touch by another, whether a professional massage therapist or your lover. Other considerations: Drink water with a pinch of celtic sea salt/green juice. Keep ginger oil or powdered ginger in your apothecary. Use ginger paste (ginger powder/oil mixed with warm water) rubbed into pain or troubled sight or energetic stagnation including bald spots plus reducing sugar intake including *too much* fruit sugar and starchy carbs and dense meats -which slows down your blood flow while increasing some combination of movement, deep breathing, hot+cold water therapy, sauna/spa, sunbathing, walking, and the like are acts incorporated in a life of a lover and those who we care for. Train your mind to focus and stay calm--to be able to drop into deep presence and feel. Do to one thing at time like wash dishes without stopping to do anything else. Presence, an unscattered mind, is a high-skill and quality of a lover. Recalibrating the mindset and belief systems you've been holding onto for 20 years into more lighthearted, open-hearted frequencies are critical.

*I used "she/her" but lover energy is available to any gender in any shape or texture. *

-India Ame'ye, Author