#which always makes me feel a bit weird about trying to explain the subject to other people

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 49

Part 1 Part 48

Eddie swings his guitar off, invigorated. There’s nothing like a good band practice to set his blood blazing. He bounces on his toes in Gareth’s cold garage, letting his friend’s excited chatter wash over him as he places his sweetheart delicately back in her case. Just like old times. Unlike old times, there’s an ache in his ribs where Steve’s carved out a home for himself.

It’s weird to be so far away from Steve. Even when they’re doing their own thing, it’s usually in the same room. Or at least the same building. Thursday nights, Steve studies in the library while Eddie leads Hellfire a few hallways away. Eddie’d had Steve write down his schedule so he would always know where to find him.

Eddie just wants to be supportive. Nancy had called it “dangerously co-dependent,” and Jeff had called it, “the honeymoon phase.” But, they don’t get it. Neither of them had held Steve’s lifeless hand in their hands. Neither of them had seen his smile after Hopper had breathed life back into him.

As if sensing the subject of his thoughts, Gareth asks, “where is Steve, anyway?” When Eddie looks up, he looks sly and teasing. Eddie braces for impact. “You two have a lover’s quarrel?”

Eddie groans, dropping dramatically to the cold cement floor. His head makes a hollow thunk when it connects, but Eddie doesn’t get up. If there’s one thing Eddie is, it’s commited to the bit.

“My fair maiden is off wooing another,” Eddie says, putting his hand to his forehead in a dramatic swoon. “Which one of you big, strong boys will support me through this terrible heartbreak?” He wiggles his eyebrows, really driving the innuendo home with a shimmy of his hips.

Doug holds up his hand. He’s either volunteering to have gay sex like a true queer ally, or he wasn’t listening and is done with Eddie’s shit. Eitehr way, he feels his heart warm. In Bumfuck, Indiana, he’d somehow managed to snag a couple friends who hadn’t even hatecrimed him after he’d tried to kiss poor Jeff while high out of his mind. The aftermath hadn’t even gone past good-natured teasing for a minor crush on a best friend that Eddie pretended not to have. Eddie could just cry about it.

Jeff comes over to kick Eddie lightly in the ribs, scoffing. “So, he’s hanging out with Nancy.”

Eddie latches onto Jeff’s ankle, trying to pull him down. But he plants his feet, bends his knees and weathers the storm. Eddie hugs his calf, smooshing his face into the top of Jeff’s dirty sneaker, looking up at him with wide eyes and put-upon sadness.

“He’s with Nancy,” he confirms, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout.

Gareth collapses on the couch, still tossing his drumsticks around. Eddie watches them spin hypnotically. “You’re joking, but he’s totally going to get back with his ex.”

“Nah,” Doug says, sitting down next to Gareth and tossing him a bag of salt and vinegar chips that Gareth immediately digs into noisily. “Steve’s way too hung up on Eddie.”

Gareth sputters, choking on his mouthful of chips. Eddie can feel the heat of his blush blooming across his cheekbones. He drops Jeff’s ankle to press his heated cheek against the cool cement, hoping no one notices.

“Straight-boy Steve Harrington?” Gareth asks, chips spewing grossly out of his mouth and onto the couch. “No way in hell is he interested in that.” At the last word, he points rudely Eddie’s way, not looking away from Doug.

“Hey!” Eddie cries. No one listens to him.

Jeff walks over to them, wiping Gareth’s masticated chips off the couch and then wiping his hand off on Gareth’s jeans before sitting down. His friends are so fucking weird. “I don’t know man. He does seem sort of obsessed with Eddie.” Jeff says.

“They just like bonded during like, whatever!” Gareth waves his hand, seemingly trying to encapsulate the entirity of whatever capital T Thing had happened to make Eddie and Steve inseperable and leave Steve looking like he got mauled by a bear that somehow gave him scurvy.

“And that explains how Steve’s always touching Eddie and like looking at his lips, how?” Jeff demands.

“He is not!” Eddie says, heart lurching somewhere within him.

Gareth’s mouth flaps open, clearly trying to think of something to say but coming up empty. “Well, whatever!” he says. “That doesn’t mean he’s not going to get back together with Nancy the Priss Wheeler!”

Eddie speaks without thinking, his unfurling anger at Nancy’s everything surpassing his brain to mouth filter entirely. “He’s not getting back together with her,” he grumbles. “He forgot they were even dating.”

Everyone whips their eyes toward Eddie’s prone form, finally acknowledging his existance. They all look varying levels of shocked, except Gareth who is smiling maniacally. It’d taken the kid about thirty seconds to pick up Eddie’s venhement dislike of Wheeler and hold a grudge on his behalf, reson be damned.

“Are you serious?” Doug asks. When Eddie nods, he continues. “What a freak.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Jeff says, slumping into the couch in defeat. “Boy came back from his little impromptou vacation fucking weird.”

Eddie’s not so sure that’s true. Steve came back from the Upside-Down weird and traumatized, sure. But the more layers of skin Eddie peels back, the more he’s convinced that Steve was a freak masquerading as a jock all along.

“A diamond in the rough,” Eddie says, everyone else nodding along like that made any fucking sense at all. A bunch of sheep following the flock. Just as it should be.

Part 50

Taglist: @deany-baby @estrellami-1 @altocumulustranslucidus @evillittleguy @carlprocastinator1000 @1-8oo-wtfbro @hallucinatedjosten @goodolefashionedloverboi @newtstabber @lunabyrd @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @manda-panda-monium @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @ive-been-bamboozled @harringrieve @grimmfitzz @is-emily-real @dontstealmycake @angeldreamsoffanfic @a-couchpotato @5ammi90 @mac-attack19 @genderless-spoon @kas-eddie-munson @louismeds @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @pansexuality-activated @ellietheasexylibrarian @nebulainajar @mightbeasleep @neonfruitbowl @beth--b @silenzioperso @best-selling-show

[thankskenpenders]

And now for something new

So, here's something I was never planning on doing, but I just couldn't shake the idea... Thanks Ken Penders is gaining a sister blog featuring an entirely different comic franchise!

Introducing... Thanks Steve Ditko, a blog where I read the Earth-616 Spider-Man comics, starting all the way back in the '60s! It's gonna be much more casual and less thorough than how I run things here on TKP, though, which I'll explain in a sec.

If seeing me post weird bits from old Spider-Man comics sounds fun and you need no further info, then just head right on over to Thanks Steve Ditko. But for longtime TKP readers, I know you probably have questions...

Number one: Why?

Spider-Man's always been my favorite superhero, and with the Spider-Verse movies kicking ass and my excitement building for the new Insomniac game, I've been in a Spidey mood. Inevitably, a thought occurred to me: Maybe I should actually read the comics that everything else is built off of and see the wildly varying contributions of all the original creators, rather than filtering them through big budget adaptations. If I can power through One Piece and all these other manga with hundreds of chapters, it can't be that hard... right?

And, well, after a few issues I quickly realized that my options were to either clog up my other accounts with random Spider-Man panels for years, or to just make a side blog. And so the side blog was born.

Two: Will this blog replace Thanks Ken Penders?

NO!!!!!!!!!

Okay but prove it

To allow the two to exist side-by-side, Thanks Steve Ditko will have a different format than what Thanks Ken Penders developed. Rather than an in-depth guided tour that critically analyzes every story beat of every issue, TSD will just be a place for amusing panels and brief thoughts as I casually read the comics at my own pace.

If you've seen me make a few tweets about reading Spider-Man recently, I'm basically just moving that to a dedicated Tumblr. It's a place for me to dump these things so that it doesn't fill up my media tab on Twitter for the next decade. (You know, assuming Twitter is still around in a decade.) There will be many issues where I only post two panels that I thought were funny. There will be issues where I don't have anything to say at all. Maybe I'll reach a run that I just cannot get into, and I start skipping around more. Who knows!

This may sound similar to what I thought this blog would be before it blew up. Aside from the simple fact that there's already mountains of Spider-Man commentary out there and therefore less of a void for me to fill, one of the main steps I'll be taking to avoid repeating the past is not enabling an ask box on TSD. I do not need people to ask me to go into ten times more detail on everything. I do not need to write seven essay-length responses to questions about Spider-Man minutiae every day. I do not need a place for people to chide me for not covering certain scenes, issues, or ancillary series.

It also won't have any kind of update schedule. I'm trying to keep it very casual. I'm reading these comics at my own pace, and if I feel like sharing a moment or commenting on something while doing so? It goes there. That's it.

(On the subject of format changes, I'm also listing the issue, writer, and penciller in the body of every post. This is a thing I wish I'd done on TKP so that people didn't misattribute every weird Archie Sonic panel I post to Penders.)

Three: So when will TKP come back from hiatus? You said it'd come back after you finished SLARPG!

I don't know! Sorry. I have a couple things on the backburner right now for TKP, but I'm not sure when I'll get back to proper updates where I read more comics.

I wanted to bring TKP back this year, and that's still possible. The main hurdle is that I want to reread my own archive (again) as a refresher, which is, uh. A lot of posts. I've developed a high standard for myself on here, and I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job right if I forgot half the ongoing subplots and character arcs and didn't bring them up in my analysis. Especially when I'm discussing the work of an author as obsessed with continuity as Ian Flynn. Unfortunately, the nature of this blog means that every time I go on another long hiatus for Life Reasons I have even more comic continuity to catch up on than last time.

(This is a big part of why I'm making Thanks Steve Ditko an extremely casual blog instead of promising to become a Lore Expert on 60+ years of Marvel.)

Mostly I've just been very burnt out this year after having finally finished a video game that took almost eight years to make. I haven't really had the energy for any creative projects, including TKP. But I feel a little bit of a spark here with Spider-Man, so I'm chasing that feeling to try to get back into the swing of blogging about comics - no pun intended.

So, basically, bear with me on this as I start this low-energy side project. But hopefully folks will enjoy Thanks Steve Ditko as its own thing, too.

Look forward to goofy shit like this

[wittlesissyb4by]

Chapter 4

~~Click HERE for Chapter 3~~

“I have to admit, I don’t really understand the diaper thing.” Max said. 

Every day when he got home, it was the same routine. He’d grab a beer from the fridge, plop down on the couch, and tell me to ‘go get dressed’. Almost every skimpy outfit I have probably has a little bit of his cum on it now. 

Today, I decided on one of my more infantile outfits. It was a frilly, pink and white dress with a little rubber ducky stitched across the chest. I wore white thigh-highs with pink bows, but decided to skip the bonnett and the diaper, since we had yet to broach the subject. But, apparently, today was the day. 

“Well, to be honest, I don’t really understand it either…” I say. “I’ve just always had some weird attraction to..d-diapers.”  I’ve never talked about diapers with anyone in real life, so just saying these things out loud is very new to me. Hell, just saying the word ‘diaper’ out loud is weird to me.

“You’re not a ]ped0phyle] are you?” He asks. 

I roll my eyes at that one, tired of having to explain this to people. Any time the topic of ABDL is brought up on the internet by people outside of the kink, it immediately devolves to ignorant people accusing us of [ped0phi1ia]. Max didn’t seem judgemental about it, though. Just curious. 

“No, not at all.” I say, trying to find the words.  “You have to think of the diaper as just an object—like any other—that I have this strange affinity for. For some people, it’s for comfort and security, for others it’s a necessity due to medical issues that may have become fetishized, some use it as an escape from the stresses of the adult world. For me, it’s about…humiliation.”

He considers that for a minute. I can see the gears working as he absorbs what I’m saying. But after a bit of silence, I continue, as if explaining to myself as much as to him. 

“It’s the same with the sissy stuff. I don’t want to be a woman, or trans, or anything like that. The same way I don’t want to be a baby, or do anything with them or whatever, It’s just a way to degrade me. Having to wear things that make me feel like less of a man because—“

“Because you’re not much of a man to begin with.” He finished for me, nodding as if it was all starting to make sense. “That explains all the crinkling noises I’d hear coming from your room at night.”

I blush. “You heard that?” 

He laughs heartily, “oh yea. You’re not exactly the quietest, and you make some…interesting sounds,when you’re horny.”

I can’t help but feel embarrassed, even though he’s probably seen me in a much hornier and vulnerable state. 

“Go get one.” He says.

“What?”

“You heard me. Go get one.”

I want to ask him to clarify what ‘one’ he’s talking about, but I’m pretty sure I know and I don’t want to miss my opportunity. I hustle into my room, probably a little too fast, and dig in my closet. I actually have to go back pretty far to get them. I haven’t worn one since the day he caught me. When he’s gone during the day, I’ve been mostly masturbating in panties, thinking about all the things he’d likely do to me when he got home. I probably set a new record for the number of times I made myself orgasm this week.

Just the feel of the padding in my hand is enough to get me going again. I take a quick sniff before heading back into the living room to present it to Max.

“Wow!” He exclaims, sitting up with interest. He holds his hand out, which I assume means he wants me to give him the diaper, which I do, and get down on my knees in front of him as I’m accustomed to do when I’m dressed in this…state.

“It’s huge!” he says, turning it over, running his hand across it, looking it up and down like it’s a lost treasure. “Where do you get these things?”

“Online…” I squeak, a bit embarrassed now that he’s holding the thing that turns me into putty. 

“Well I figured you didn’t get this from Walgreens. I don’t think they make adult diapers for 80-year-olds that have pictures of cartoon bunnies on them.” He laughs at his own joke, “I meant what type of site?”

“There’s special ABDL ones, but you can also get some on Amazon.”

“Really? It’s that common?”

“Oh yea. There are dozens of us. Dozens!” I giggle. 

He continues to look it over, back and forth, mystified. Opening it up to see just how far it stretches, before tossing it into my face.

“Put it on.” 

“Huh?”

“Stop saying that.” He growls. “I don’t like to repeat myself. Put. It. On.”

I gulp, feeling my heart flutter and my breath quickening. I open up the diaper, fluffing it a bit, but not as much as I usually would. I don’t want him growing impatient. 

I lay it down on the ground and then awkwardly roll myself on top of it. The crinkling makes me tingly, I lift my skirt and reposition myself properly.

“Looks like you’re happy already.” He muses, eyeing my erection poking prominently through my panties.

I blush at how much precum I’ve already produced. The panties are already soaked as I pull them off, tossing them to the side. I was kind of hoping he would be the one to diaper me, but I don’t want to push my luck. Instead, I do a little abdominal crunch and pull the front of the diaper over my throbbing erection. It takes me several attempts of bouncing and scooting to get it in the right position before I tape it down snugly. 

When it’s done, I sit up onto the padded bottom, and wait for his next instruction.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, just looks down at me, smirking, taking it all in. “So that’s it, huh?” he finally says.

I shrug non-chalantly, trying to hide my excitement. “Yea I guess…”

“So watta you do now?” He asks, “Do you…use them?”

I can feel my cheeks burning as I stare at the floor. “I uh…y-Yes…”

“Haha I’m just kidding, I know.” He bursts out laughing, “I smelled the stink bomb you had in your room that day, if it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t have even looked in there!”

I’m not sure what to say to that. I’m not even sure if I'm thankful he found/smelled that diaper, or if I was better off keeping it all a secret. 

“Well I’d rather you not shit yourself in front of me.” He says, his tone turning more serious. “I know you call me ‘Daddy’ in the bedroom, but I’m not sure I'm comfortable with the whole ‘diaper Daddy’ thing yet.”

I nod, understanding completely, but the word ‘yet’ still gives me a weird glimmer of hope.

“So what else do you do?” He asks.

“Watta you mean?”

“Well, I imagine you don’t just put them on to piss and shit in them so you can take them off…right? You do it to get some…enjoyment out of them, right? Or am I misunderstanding?”

“No…I…yes. I masturbate in them, if that’s what you’re asking…”

He nods, sitting back on the couch again. “How?”

“What?”

“Stop making me repeat myself. I said ‘how’. As in, how do you masturbate if you can’t really reach in there?”

“Oh,” I say, understanding what he’s asking now, “I just…rub the front of it like this…” I shrug, putting my palm on the front of the diaper and kneading the padding where my penis is, it gets me a little worked up, so I stop rather quickly. “Or, sometimes I’ll…” I trail off, embarrassed.

“You’ll…what?”

“I’ll…hump the floor.”

He looks at me for several seconds, as if waiting for me to say ‘just kidding’. But when I don’t, he bursts into laughter again. “You’re kidding!”

The burning of my cheeks must be a sufficient answer for him, because he laughs even harder.

“You have to show me.”

I cringe inwardly, my heart rate quickening. Suddenly the shame washes over me. 

Max’s smile evaporates. He crooks an eyebrow and gives me a look that says ‘are you going to make me tell you again?’

I exhale deeply, then clench my eyes tightly together as I reposition myself on the floor.

I can smell his feet in front of me, I open my eyes back up to see them staring me in the face. I lay my arms down flat, then spread my legs so the diaper comes in direct contact with the floor. I stay there for a second, trying to get my bearings.

“Go on…” he says encouragingly.

I heave a deep sigh, closing my eyes as if to block out the shame, then start wiggling back and forth. Only the sound of the diaper crinkling fills the room. I’m overly sensitive to it, like it’s broadcasting my embarrassment to the whole house.

My dick doesn’t seem to mind, though. It’s having a nice little time stiffening in the diaper as I roll it like a log along the floor. Soft whimpers escape my lips before I bite them down.

“Don’t quiet yourself,” he says, “I want to hear you.”

There’s a chuckle hiding beneath his voice, I can tell he’s amused, but perhaps a little turned on too? Or, at least, I hope he is. Otherwise this might be the most degrading thing I’ve ever done. 

I don’t hold back though, letting my pathetic little moans escape as I become more and more flustered. 

“Kiss my feet.” He orders, wriggling his toes in front of my face. 

I do. I’ve never been much into feet, but I plant desperate kisses all over them. Licking between his toes, eventually sucking on his big one like it were a binky or a…

“I’m gonna cum!” I whimper as I drive my hips into the floor, “Can I cum, Daddy?”

“No.” He says firmly. Pulling his foot from my face and sitting upright. “Stand up.”

I whine pathetically as I climb off the floor, forcing my hands to my sides to keep myself from desperately finishing myself off. 

He waits patiently in silence with a smirk on his face until my nerves calm down.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” he asks.

I nod feebly. 

“Put your thumb in your mouth.” He says, “If you’re going to dress like a baby, you might as well play the part.”

I do so immediately, appeasing my oral fixation. He’s right though, it does help me regress even further. 

“Did you like humping your little Pampers?” he asks condescendingly.

“Yes Daddy,” I nod and say around my thumb.

“I’d say so. You certainly sounded like you were enjoying yourself. Do you enjoy it more than pussy?”

I’m a little more hesitant now. I have to stop and think of the answer, even though I’m sure I know it already. “Yes Daddy…”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes I enjoyed…I enjoy…it over p-pussy…”

He smiles triumphantly, like he just managed to make me spill my deepest darkest secret. Then an idea seems to form in his head. He glances around the couch until he finds what he’s looking for, his face glimmers as he picks it up. My phone.

He clicks the camera on. I know that because the light beams into my face.

“Tell me.” He says, tapping a button I imagine is ‘record’. “Tell me you enjoy pampers over pussy.”

My thumb falls from my mouth in disbelief.

“What?” he says in mild surprise. “You said you like to be degraded…”

I spent the next 5 minutes edging myself by rubbing the front of my diaper and desperately telling Max and the camera how much I prefer the feeling of wet pampers over wet pussy. Thankfully, it’s on my phone, so I don’t have to worry about it being sent to the wrong person. Plus, I can use it later if I want to watch it for viewing pleasure while I–

“It’s my turn.” He says, unzipping his fly.

I know what that means by now. Not that it’s all too ambiguous. I drop to my knees in front of him and eagerly put my lips around his cock.

“The real question is, do you prefer pampers over penis?” he laughs.

Luckily, he doesn’t make me answer, and I try to keep that from happening by burying his dick down my throat. Or does that do the answering for me?

There’s a buzzing coming from the cushions. Does he have a buttplug in? No, that would be silly. It’s just his phone.

No wait.

It’s my phone.

“It’s Zoey,” he says with a smirk, showing me the screen. 

My heart sinks. A mixture of fear and guilt courses through my veins. “I’ll call her back later,” I say around his cock.

But he’s already hit ‘accept’, and puts it on speaker, holding it out in front of me.

It’s quiet for a bit as I recover from the shock. He looks at me expectantly. I snap back to reality, “Uh..h-hello?” I say, pulling Max’s cock from my mouth, praying that it didn’t make a plop sound.

“You won’t believe what I just found!” Zoey’s sweet, excited voice comes through the speaker.

“What?” I say, right before Max pulls me back on his cock. Making me continue to suck. I try to pull back, but he keeps me firm. I’m worried she’ll hear the slurping. 

“A leatherbound, SIGNED, first edition version of Song of Achilles!!!” she shrieks. 

“That’s amazing!” I exclaim, a little too daintily. I’m not sure if it’s from feeling feminine with a dick in my hand and mouth, or if it’s because I’m genuinely excited. Zoey and I have always shared a love for books. It’s actually how we met. We both reached for the same copy of A Court of Thorns and Roses at the bookstore. Not that I was actually going to read it, that series is not for me at all, but she was so pretty and seemed to light up the already bright room, I just had to talk to her. We spent the next several hours comparing our favorites over coffee and the rest is history. 

“I got it for you to add to your bookshelf!” she says.

I’m so taken aback that my lips audibly smack off of Max’s cock. 

“You got it for me?” I ask incredulously. 

“Of course!” she says, “I know it’s one of your favorites!”

The pang of guilt plunges into me like a dagger. “That’s…really sweet.”

“Oh please…you do sweet things for me all the time!”

I’m not sure if that’s true, but I definitely need to do a better job, as I ironically give a blowjob to my roommate…

“I’ll be over in a bit to drop it off.”

I have to force my head away from Max’s hand pushing me down on his dick. “Wait, you’re coming over now?!”

“Is that okay?”

I feel more than a little guilty. I can’t say no after such a sweet gesture. “I…uh…absolutely! Can’t wait!”

“Okay,” I can hear her smiling even through the phone. “I’ll be there in 15!”

The tone clicks off. I look up at Max, who is still smiling. “I guess you have 15 minutes to finish me and get changed.”

To Be Continued

If you're enjoying this story and would like to keep reading, my followers on SubStar are now up to Chapter 8! Thanks for reading!

[drbased]

Your last two theory posts are absolutely fascinating and I'd love to read more on this subject from you, it really resonated with me. My father started getting radicalised online during lockdown, he's now a Q anon, a climatosceptic and a antivax amongst other things. I saw the man who taught me tolerance and acceptance become extremely racist, antisemitic, homophobic and most of all misogynistic over a few years (even tho he has two daughters, one being out as a lesbian. And his family having been subjected to horrible racism in his youth when he immigrated from Algeria) and it has utterly destroyed our relationship. We're no better than acquaintances now.

The biggest shift of all was how he went from an agnostic antitheist to a Christian during lockdown, then shifting again to a weird neutral stance I can't really explain. He says he's against all organized religion and authority (just so we're perfectly clear, I don't believe that for a second), but at the same time he has started seeing everything through the lens of Christianity (which was a big factor in how antisemitic he suddenly got). What I mean by that is that satanism in particular has become the central point of his whole philosophy. Everything is about the devil now. He told me I was supporting satanism as a horror movie fan, but also as a woman who supports femen activists. He thought the Olympics opening Ceremony was about Satan. Every single movie has a hidden message about Satan. He also notably started becoming a weird fan of psychiatry (my mum is a psychiatric nurse and an amazing one at that, she is very knowledgeable about these things) and started diagnosing random politicians and celebrities with "conditions" he made up which STRANGELY, have very demonic symptoms according to him.

[content warning ⚠️⬇️]

If I said everything I have to say about how the satanic panic got to him I would write for 4 hours. This has completely uphanded his life. Obviously like many like him, everything is about pedophilia too. The two are obviously linked. His new theory is that the president of our country (Emmanuel Macron) was raped when he was a newborn by his current wife (who is actually a man according to him) and it affected his brain which allows a secret organisation in the shadows to control him 👍 and also it's all about Satan too how could it not.

This whole thing has genuinely ruined my family, and he has been relentlessly trying to convert us and prove to us that these theories are real. This has not worked out great for him as his four children pretty much gave up on him. And the worst part is that I'm sure that our collective reaction and repulsion has only cemented his convictions. Because people like him love to feel oppressed and silenced.

I'm gonna be honest I completely forgot where I was going with this, I typed way more than what I planned. (Sorry for any mistakes English isn't my mother tongue)

I think feminists need to talk more about these conspiracy theories (at least I'd like to feel a bit less crazy, because I only hear about this from him and all that gross stuff he talks about like it's nothing is getting to me) and I was so relieved when I saw your posts! I was like omg I hear about that subject from someone who actually makes sense. If you have any recommendations of things to read, listen to or watch on this subject I'd love that and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Love your blog btw! Sorry for the long ask. Have a great day 💜

No worries about the long ask! I love reading other people's perspectives and experiences. And I wouldn't have guessed english isn't your first language; the only thing I noticed is that you wrote 'uphanded' when I think it should be 'upended'.

This is such a lovely ask to recieve! Whilst I love writing and analysing there's always a small part of me that thinks, ok, this specific thing I wrote is totally bunk, nobody's gonna wanna read this. So it's wonderful to recieve such recognition, especially not on anon (no shade to the anons though!)

'His new theory is that the president of our country (Emmanuel Macron) was raped when he was a newborn by his current wife (who is actually a man according to him) and it affected his brain which allows a secret organisation in the shadows to control him 👍 and also it's all about Satan too how could it not.' whaaaaat? Is that an existing theory or something he invented? I can see like three different patriarchal fears in that:

that 'leftist' men are a corruption of healthy masculinity

that men are corrupted by women's sexual violence (patriarchal reversal)

transphobia stemming from a conflation of homosexuality and femaleness as inherently linked; the ultimate in male emasculation and humiliation is the idea of the masculinised woman who dominates him

I grew up with conspiracy theories so I have some understanding of how they create a simplistic narrative out of the complexity and inherent unfairness of life. I always recommend Innuendo Studios' youtube series The Alt-Right Playbook as it was instrumental to me in gaining an understanding of how the right-wing mind works, but on this subject I recommend in particular the video 'You can't get snakes from chicken eggs'. The commentary that really resonated with me is relevant to phrase 'a lie is halfway around the world before truth gets its boots on': a lie can always be percieved - and communicated - much more simply than the truth, so it spreads easier and faster. And conspiracy theories are a way of both simplifying down the narrative into good vs evil, but also adding complexity to fill in all the obvious gaps - e.g., since there's no proof satan exists, but we need him to exist, there becomes an addiction-like obsession with trying to seek patterns that 'prove' he exists.

I can't remember where I read/heard it, but one of the psychological benefits of believing in conspiracies is that you get a gamification of life that generates a community - qanon with his 'q drops' has perfected this process: small bits of incoherent babble alluding to something are drip-fed to the community, who get to decode it in real time. The collective narrative-making is exhillarating, especially in a world with a fragmented culture and isolated people with diminishing 'third spaces'. And I know from personal experiences that one satisfaction from being a conspiracy theorist is that you get to 'achieve' something by doing absolutely nothing; you don't have to be any sort of activist or help people in the real world: since it's all information 'they don't want you to know', simply knowing the information is all that is needed for you to feel accomplished. I would definitely put 'conspiracy theorist' into my 'symbolic states' category because it's so transparently about placing a narrative layer over reality.

It's really sad what's happened to your dad; I imagine it would be incredibly painful seeing someone you love lose touch with reality so violently like that. And I believe you're right; that your collective response to him will only have strengthened his convictions. It reminds me of how it's been shown that door-to-door preaching is terrible at actually converting people, but instead is more useful to cement bonds between the group members as social outcasts. And conspiracy theorists basically pride themselves on being the pariahs who see the truth no one else dares to see.

[f1goat]

The sister + Lando Norris - part four

In which your the little sister of Max Verstappen and you meet Lando Norris, who quickly turns in to one of your best friends. But there's a thin line between friends & lovers.

part one part two part three

“Maybe we can lunch somewhere together?”

Lando his question wakes you up from your daydreams. You look a bit surprised at him. The third free practice is just over. Later today the qualifications will happen, but first there are a few hours to spare. Since last Tuesday you and Lando haven’t really spoken to each other. The car ride back to the hotel was awkward. He didn’t text you afterwards and you didn’t text him. His strange behavior didn’t sit right with you. The rudeness towards the server and then claiming that you were taken. Lando had made things pretty weird. 

You don’t really know what to answer to him. Of course it would be nice to lunch somewhere together, but it also seems awkward. Maybe you can find out what was wrong Sunday? What caused his strange behavior? Or maybe it will just be an awkward lunch. 

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” you say eventually. 

Lando shows you a small smile. Enthusiastic he takes your arm, pulling you with him softly. “I know just the place,” he tells you, not letting go off your arm. You try to discard your doubts, quickly walking with Lando. The two of you are quickly standing still, you notice that you're standing in front of the McLaren hospitality. Is this where you’re going to lunch? 

“The catering they do here is amazing,” Lando tells you, “They have the best pancakes!” 

You smile at his enthusiasm. It’s kinda cute. And who are you to say no to some pancakes? You quickly follow Lando inside. You’re glad you’re not wearing Red Bull merchandise today, feeling you would stand out a lot more if you did wear it. Almost everyone around you is wearing the standard papaya McLaren team wear. 

Lando takes you with him towards the catering. On his way he grabs two plates, one of them he hands to you. A bit later the two of you are sitting at one of the tables, both having a plate with pancakes in front of you. You’re making small talk with each other, not really covering important subjects but still having fun with each other. You do want to ask Lando about his behavior from last Sunday, but you don’t dare. The conversations you’re having now are nice, you don’t want to interrupt it with something else. Mainly because you don’t know how Lando will react, for all you know there was nothing and you are wrong. Or maybe he always treats servers this way? It’s not like you know all about him. 

“What’s on your mind, you seem distracted,” Lando asks you after a small silence. 

You don’t really know what to say. Are you going to tell him what’s on your mind? Or just ignore it. 

“What was going on with you Tuesday?” You ask Lando after a lot of doubts. He raises his eyebrow, asking you to explain yourself further before he can answer anything. At least, that’s what you think he means with his raised eyebrow. 

“You were rude towards the server,” you explain yourself, “and you said I was taken? Why did you do that?” 

Lando sighs softly, “You’re right.” 

You wait for him to continue, waiting for an explanation from him. It takes a while for Lando tells you something again. 

“I don’t know how to explain,” Lando says after a bit. 

“Try,” you tell Lando. You stuff another piece of pancake inside your mouth. Lando was right about them, these pancakes are the best. 

“He just crept me out,” Lando tells you. You have a feeling he’s not being honest with you. There has to be more, right?

“That’s all? You were rude to someone because he crept you out?” You ask a bit confused. 

Lando just nods. 

“You’re not going to tell me the real reason, are you?” You ask. 

Lando smiles at you, “I’m sorry Y/N.” 

“Maybe we can make a deal?” You ask Lando with a small smile, remembering the first time the two of you went out together. 

“What do you suggest?”

“Which place do you think you will get this qualifications?” You ask Lando, ignoring his first question. 

“Somewhere between fourth and eight?” Lando suggests. 

“I believe you can get the pole position,” you tell Lando, “so if you get pole, you’ll tell me your real reason?”

“Deal.”

**

“So the girl you were walking around with is Y/N?” Carlos asks Lando. They’re walking towards their cars together. Qualifications are about to start in a few. Lando just nods as a response. 

“She’s good looking,” Carlos tells him, Lando sighs. Is Carlos also starting now? “I know,” Lando replies, “please don’t tell me again.”

“What’s up with the moodiness?” Carlos is quick to ask. Of course he would notice this quick Lando thinks, who else would notice his mood this quick? 

“I lost my temper last Sunday because some server kept flirting with her,” Lando explains himself. It’s no use to not tell Carlos, after all he will guess right or find it out some other way. “I was rude as fuck towards the guy. And later he asked her for her number, but before she responded I told him she’s taken..” 

“You’re a weird one Lando,” Carlos sighs, “Why can’t you just tell the girl that you like her?” 

Before Lando can think of an answer, he’s already being pulled away from Carlos by his teammates. Qualifications are about to start. He needs to focus on his sessions instead of thinking about you the whole time. Normally he’d try to get pole position every qualification, succeeding only once. But this time he’s doubting about it. What is he going to tell you when he gets pole position? To be honest, he didn’t even know this kind of behavior from himself. He felt jealous. But why would he tell you that? He decides to keep the same mindset as always, aim for the pole position but probably not getting it. 

When the first cars leave the pit box you notice Lando is quickly to follow. While watching with Kelly the two of you are talking for a bit. Mainly about Lando. You told her about his weird behavior towards the server and the confusing conversation you had with him earlier today. 

“I don’t think he’ll tell his reasons, even if he’s getting pole position today,” Kelly tells you after you’re done with explaining everything to her. 

“Why?” You ask her a bit confused. What weird reason can Lando have? And why is everyone getting it except for you? 

Kelly laughs softly. You wait for her reply, in the mean time looking at just started Q2. Of course Lando has made it out of Q3. His time was one of the bests. But you know just as well as the rest here that a first time doesn’t say a lot. 

“Because he was jealous,” Kelly tells you after focusing on Max his lap. You quickly look at her. Jealous? What is she talking about? Why does she think Lando was jealous? 

“Care to explain?” You ask Kelly. 

“Come on Y/N, it was pretty obvious.. He was annoyed at the server and acted rude, normally he’s one of the most polite guys I’ve ever met,” Kelly explains, “You should have seen him when the server told you ‘anything for you’.” 

“Hm?” You encourage Kelly to tell you more. The idea of Lando being jealous does something to you. 

“I’ve never seen him that angry before,” Kelly tells you, “He was looking really pissed off. I can only imagine how he looked while that guy asked for your number.” 

“Don’t you think it’s weird he said I’m taken?” You ask Kelly. 

She nods, “Yeah, but what do you expect from a jealous guy?”

You don’t answer her question. Could it be true? Was Lando actually jealous? You look at the track again. You didn’t even notice that Q2 was already over. You see how one of the Ferrari’s is the first one to set a new lap time. You patiently wait for Lando to get on the track. 

“You know what you should do?” Kelly asks you, you quickly shake your head as a no. “You should make him so jealous he’s going to confess it without even thinking about it.” 

“How would I do that?” You ask. 

“I heard from Max that Lando and George aren’t on the best terms right now,” Kelly tells you with a sneaky grin. 

“I don’t know Kelly,” you say after a bit of doubting, “I don’t even know if it’s true that he’s jealous.”

“You’ll find out soon enough if he has a better reason,” Kelly tells you while pointing at the track, “He got pole position.” 

next part

[lefluoritesys]

We have known we're a system for over 2 years now. It's been a very long ride, and one of the most important parts of this ride was figuring out methods and ways to function as a system. There have been many mistakes we've made that we're also not the only ones making. But one of the hardest things I find to explain would be that there are no universal answers to your experiences, and there will be no universal solution. What might work for one person might not work for another. It seems obvious, but in practicality, when it comes to DID/OSDD, systems seem to forget that, and I understand why. Whether it be validation, desire to relate, or just feeling lost. So here's a little story from our IRL life that is completely unrelated to any DID/OSDD covering subject, but makes sense when you put it in the context of functional multiplicity:

We love coffee. Absolutely love coffee, specifically cappuccino. I wouldn't say we're addicts, but we drink it almost every day. However, that wasn't always the case. In about Autumn of 2021, we have discovered that when we drink our favorite coffee, it terribly and drastically affects our mood. We still have no idea what it is. If we were happy and calm before we drank coffee, it would flip our mood completely, and we'd become so anxious, we would have multiple panic attacks for no reason. And vice versa. It devastated us because it seemed to happen every single time we drank coffee. And we loved coffee, still do! The thought of cutting it out completely made us upset. There had to be some sort of explanation to what we're experiencing, but no one would give us an answer! People with ADHD drink a lot of coffee to help them calm their ADHD down, for neurotypicals, it's the opposite. Some people drink a lot of it, multiple cups a day, and somehow stay fine, some drink it before bed to sleep better... nobody could give us an answer as to what we're experiencing, and for a while, that was that.

One day, though, I (host) was going to a cafe to do a school project. The library wasn't working that day, and we desperately needed to work, so we thought a cafe with noise-canceling headphones would be alright. As I got to that cafe, stood near the baristas, I was thinking about how coffee affects me, and although I really want it, I don't want to deal with genuinely horrible consequences. So I grabbed the lowest amount available and hoped for the best... And I showed no previous symptoms. I admit, I kinda stared at it, thinking... that was the problem the whole time? We used to grab medium, and so it bit us in the ass? Apparently, yes. The problem was with the amount. So now, we are not drinking any more than a certain amount of coffee, usually grabbing the lowest amount cafes provide, and we haven’t had problems since. We feel great, even have a favorite cafe now where we became a regular, and we drink coffee every day now. Could even get multiple cups during different times of the day and still not have it affect us much!

Now apply that same logic for when you try to find ways to function and/or help your system. Our experience with coffee is not universal, but we found something that works for us. Some people chug so much caffeine, we are genuinely scared for their health. Some others don't drink it at all, which is also fine. Some drink it before bed or to manage their ADHD. And some drink it from time to time as a treat. Some like lattes, some like black coffee, and somebody else likes iced. All of those are fine. It seems like a weird parallel, and how can I compare a disorder to coffee? But I am not comparing a disorder to coffee, I am comparing the behavior towards coffee to the behavior towards your system. Just as there is no right amount or way to drink coffee, there isn't a right way to be/function as a system. Everybody's experience and feelings towards it are absolutely unique, that's what makes them special. And going after somebody for their coffee preference is weird and rude. Especially telling them what they should drink instead. Why is it suddenly not the same for systems?

For the love of Gods, do not repeat our mistakes and try to be a certain way just for other people's validation. Good people will never, ever judge you for being who you are. There's a whole world of people that are gonna look at you weird, and there's a whole world of people who aren't. Find the people who aren't! /ref

Have a good coffee/tea/juice/etc day.

-host

[warmmilku]

Hello everyone! Today I'd like to talk about some sensitive topics. Many regressors have asked me how to deal with certain tough situations while regressed, so I thought I'd make a post addressing some of them. General TW!

What do I do if I have trouble eating?

What helps me best, usually, is having someone sit with me and eat. Sitting one on one with someone you are comfortable with can allow you to be open about your frustrations with eating. Whether it be crying or needing encouraging words, having someone with you will help you eat, even if it's just a little bit!

What do I do if someone bullies me for my regression?

I know it is easier said than done, but try not to let their mean words get to you! Age regression is a healthy coping mechanism people of all ages do. Whether you are younger or older, bigger or smaller, your regression is always valid! You are not hurting anyone by regressing, and you are not hurting yourself as an alternative. Age regression has also been talked about in psychology textbooks, so it is not an abnormal thing to do! It is not weird, and it is not icky to be a regressor, no matter who you are!

What if I'm an older regressor? Shouldn't I work past this?

Honestly, no. If you are an adult who regresses, as long as you can balance adult life and still use regression as a coping mechanism, everything is alright! However, when interacting with minors and their accounts, it's okay to give them the support they need if they reach out but do not go out of your way to talk about heavy subjects with them either. Even though we are all a part of the same community, it does not mean that we ignore basic human morals. That being said, the younger generation of regressors, please refrain from bullying older regressors as we want our community to be full of acceptance no matter what! The same goes for the older regressors, do not bully anyone in our community either!

People don't always respect my DNI or put TW on their pages! What do I do?

If someone does not respect your DNI, feel free to block them! For matters such as nsfw, gore, ect, it is completely reasonable to want to separate that from your blog! However, if the DNI has to do with personal beliefs such as politic standings, likes and dislikes, or certain terminology use for the community, that can be work past if they do not message you about such things. For example, a lot of babies are 420 friendly, but a majority view age regression as a pure thing. There is no right or wrong way to regress, however! It is hard to find friends in our community, so we cannot be as harsh to judge others in the way they regress. If a topic makes you uncomfortable, just tell them! If they do not respect the boundaries you have set afterwards, then take action from there as you see fit! Alternatively, not everyone puts TW on their pages. Tumblr has a feature in which you can block certain hashtags, so use that to your advantage! For example, I had reblogged a post of a goose with a knife from one of my comfort games and someone asked me to take it down because they did not like knives. People are not responsible for how you feel about a certain topic, and I explained that Untitled Goose Game was a comfort game for me and I thought the fanart was cute. I asked them nicely if they would not like to see that, to block the hashtags themselves from their feed so the posts would not be visible and they agreed! What may be sensitive to you, may be comfort for others, so always keep an open mind!

I don't like when people call themselves Littles or being in Littlespace. Aren't they nsfw?

Age regressors use a number of terms to describe their regression. While "Littlespace" and "Little" are used in the nsfw community, a lot of sfw age regressors actually prefer that term. The term "Little" is also used in the DID community about their child alters. A word only has as much power as you give it. So if someone refers to themselves as such, but strictly says they are sfw, that is something to be respectful about! Personally, I use the terms "Smol", "Smolspace", "Flip", "Regressor", "Little", and "Littlespace" when referring to my or other babies regression. At the same time, I am strictly sfw and those are the terms I'm most comfortable using! A term is not inherently bad! Again, this is about keeping an open mind and accepting how others regress!

I don't like when this person regresses, it bothers me. How should I tell them?

The best way to tell them you would not like to be their caregiver or be around when they regress is when they are fully in a big mindest. Politely say these things that bother you and politely ask if it is alright to not be around it. Age regression does make others uncomfortable at times, I know we have all experienced that on the giving or receiving end at a point, so it is understandable why some feel this way still. If it makes you uncomfortable, simply speak up! In my opinion, it is better to tell a regressor gently without judging their regression so that they are understanding but not awfully hurt. For example, phrases like "I think it is a great coping mechanism, but I would rather not be around it for personal reasons" or "It's not weird or unusual at all! It's just im not a part of the community at all and I'm uncomfortable since I'm not." Just be sure to reassure them that their regression is valid, just not something you'd like to be around. As for the receiving end, I know it may hurt to hear a bit, but you have a whole online community who supports you too! So utilize your resources!

With all of that being said, if you ever have more tough questions for me to answer, please ask! I am always happy to help you! I hope these answers helped a bit!

🤍 Milku

[marshmallowprotection]

hi!!! i hope that you’re doing well <3

i really love how u analyze the characters (and saeran especially!!) really thoroughly (i actually used to read everything saeran related on your blog before i go to sleep lol), so when you open match up i got really excited🥰🥰 im so sorry this is going to be a wall of text, i didn’t think it would be THAT long 😭😭.

i’m currently still a student, and i am infj 2w3. I’m heterosexual (i love men and im scared of them at the same time). about my personality, a lot of person view me as a golden retriever, which seems completely the opposite with my mbti LMAO, but i do agree with them to some extent (i think i’m more shy than outgoing, i can only be outgoing if i feel like i could join in the convo😣, if im alone with someone than i will probably be sooo awkward and stat silent). to be honest i don’t think i understand myself that much, so i always try to find meaning in things i do to figure out what im like😭. i like helping others, but i can’t say no so that makes me a people pleaser 😭😭😭 and that’s a really bad habit of mine. i enjoy hanging out with my friends, but i get drained out easily. i think i also get jealous pretty easily, because im really insecure and i guess im a little bit posessive…:P (but i usually just brush it off because i know it is not good to feel that way). i do care about my friends, my family and people around me a lot, like i love being a part of someone character development and help them, i want to be someone trustworthy and precious to people (in other words i need validation lol). HOWEVER i also get pissed off easily😭😭😭 especially with someone that’s half-hearted in whatever they do, because i appreciate those who work hard a lot, or it is just the little things that annoy me. there is also a weird thing about me that is when someone like me and they show their love publicly i would immediately door slam them and i get very scared… i did try to think why i do this, idk if it’s because men are scary or because i really value friendship and i don’t want something volatile like a romantic relationship would ruin it (or both). i would say i’m also very hard working and i always put my mind into everything i do, even if it’s for my sake or other people’s sake. i’m also very responsible, and that’s prolly the reason why i get good grades in school, but there’s no subject that i like so that makes me kinda ambitionless, like i dont know what to do with my future😭😭😭. i also think i’m a type of person that’s afraid to step out of my comfort zone, i think that’s because i think too little of myself and i’m a coward lol. im also really good at judging people LIKE I MEAN IT, like my intuition is pretty good, but i’m bad at explaining so nobody gets me😭😭😭 also i prefer text over call when explaining something or talking about things seriously because then i have time to actuallg think over it. i’m also confident that i could comfort people, because when someone tell me something, i know that they trust me so i always try their best to understand them, put myself in their shoes and give them the comfort that they need (i’m too dedicated because i wish someone would do the same thing to me💔💔💔 sometimes i think im too good as a person too). i’m good at talking, just like casual talks tho, so i can make friends easily, but i dont have many close friends because as they get to know me more they will know how twisted i am. even tho im good at talking but im not good at communicating my feelings and what i want, so there are always misunderstandings between me and others, and i always feel hurt, but i’m too afraid to talk about myself.

my hobby. i have a lot of hobbies but i don’t have any talent, so i abandon most of them and i’m afraid to commit to any. i like playing sports (i prefer team sport), BUT BUT BUT I LOVE ICE SKATING SO MUCH BECAUSE IT IS SO ARTISTIC, ELEGANT AND YOU CAN FEEL IT. other than that i also like drawing, cooking and baking (i actually very invest in cooking and baking but im just too lazy to wash the dishes later). i also like drawing, but i’m also not patient enough to learn it😭. one thing i am very passionate about is singing, and i actually wanna be a singer 😭😭😭 but the job is unrealistic for someone like me, so i also just brush it away… i wan’t to get into floriography reallyyyyyy bad (definitely not saeran influenced), but i cannot make time 😭😭😭. my fav season is winter, i like to tug into my cozy bed, and i like xmas, this is also the time where u get to spend time with your love ones so i like it alot!! i also love reading and watching (romance related stuff, but i prefer if it is animated lol…), i think they are very comforting for a hopeless romantic like me lmao. i also like listening to music bc it always cheer me up!

my love language. i love to receive words of affirmation and i also like to give my partner words of affirmation. but since i’m not good at talking verbally, i like to express it through letters and gifts (so words of affirmation and gift giving combination?). i can also be very clingy and i love being coddled hehe

my appearance. im kinda chubby but i have been told that i have a pretty face, so im quite happy with my face 🥰 (im glad my self confidence got better these days, im still insecure w my body and my side profile a lot, but i will try my best to work on it). my hair is currently red right now, and i have curly hair, like 2b? but it is fluffy so sometimes i hate it a lot because no matter how much i style it it just doesnt stay in place. i have brown eyes, long lashes and squishy cheek (why am i being so descriptive about myself i hate it so much). i also wear glasses ARGHH WHICH MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A NERD and i feel like i look better without glasses because people say i have pretty eyes.

what i want in a partner. i think there are a lot of grey areas in a relationship, so i have a lot of expectations for my partner, but at the same time i don’t wanna be double standard 😣. i have thought over this a lot, and i hope that my partner would be understanding and love me as much as i love him, because trust is important in a relationship and it has to be mutual to keep growing 💗 it would be nice if my partner could be nice to everyone around him, because i loveee kind people 🥹🥹. BUT SERIOUSLY THO my ideal type is saeran, he is so kind and loving 😭😭 and there is just something about him that makes me want to love him and pamper him for the rest of my life 🫂

I match you with...

Saeran.

You sound like you have a lot of passion and zest for life. Sometimes, you're not sure if you want to come into something because you want it to be right the first time, even though it takes time to learn how to do something the right way. Frankly, there is no right or wrong way to do a hobby, as long as you're not putting your body in harm's way, so you should try to enjoy doing what makes you happy even if you're not the best at it.

Having a hobby isn't something you should do because you want to be the best, it's something you should do because it's fun. It might be easier for you to try something with someone you love. That's the case for Saeran, too, you know? He doesn't want to try everything by himself, and at the same time, he wants to try everything. He wants to have the experience of knowing that he can do something without being afraid of there being a target on his back... and he wants to get those moments under his belt with you.

Even if you're just standing by his side while he does something, or vice versa.

That feels like home.

[cookie-run-ships]

hey! i saw you mention why croissant x timekeeper wasn't allowed over on your other blog, so i wanted to share here why i think people misunderstand it. (you can feel free to ignore this if you want, though^^) so first off, it's not inc/st since they're the same character, not siblings, so that's not a problem. the big appeal for me and lots of shippers is just the like;;;; self-love aspect of learning to love yourself/your past self/your future self, despite all the problems they create. nobody knows you better than you, so theres that level of comfort there that lots of croisstime shippers enjoy. that's pretty much the basis, so i wanted to share just cause it often gets lumped in with inc/st and p/dophilia despite being neither of those things. i understand people being uncomfortable with it/not liking it, but making it out to be a moral thing always makes me sad when like. it isn't :>

Hmm, okay, I think I understand that, it’s a self love thing, but I suppose personally for me, it’s just a bit…weird. Like to me it’s just being in love with literally yourself but physically another person, like being with your clone. And that sentiment just sounds weird to me. Like for example with Loki, I also didn’t really like the Loki/Sylvie romance either for the same reasons. It’s not so much the ship itself as it is the concept in general. I suppose part of it is that since we as of currently don’t really have precedent for this sort of thing in the real world, like we would for those other situations, no one’s really sure how to judge how correct it is, which is where the confusion on the moral correctness of it is. Personally I tend to find myself on the negative end of that spectrum, but it’s completely subjective

Sorry, I don’t think I’m explaining myself well, but I don’t really know how to get my point across

Like again, I get the sentiment, but like…when it gets to the point of romance, that’s where I start to feel iffy about it. Like a platonic love, sure, I’m fine with that, but it gets weird for me when it gets romantic. But I suppose to each their own

I know I’m trying to stay objective and not criticize people’s ships, but I mean, I might as well explain my side. As well as put up your argument for it

[somthing-lavender]

When did the Tristan Platoon all meet each other? (½ just "What if Chion is adopted?")

When talking about ages I'm makeing the ranges a bit bigger. For example instead of saying Tristan was 14 two years ago I'll say 13-14 because 1. He just turned 16 (like his birthday is 17 days after Percival), 2. Two years could mean 2.0 years or 2.9 years. So I'm leaving wiggle room

The wording of "The same goes for Chion and Jade," had given me headaches. Why? Because it's unclear weather it's saying

Tristan meet Chion and Jade 2 years ago

Isolde meet Chion and Jade 2 years ago

Both Tristan and Isolde meet Chion and Jade 2 years ago

Chion and Jade meet 2 years ago

I heavily doubt it can be Chion and Jade meet each other 2 years ago because they're concerned childhood friends, which implies to me they've known each other for awhile. You could argue they're currently 14-15 and meet at like 11-13 and that's young enough to be considered childhood friends, but I feel like it's weird to call someone a childhood friend after knowing them for like 2 years. But at the same time there's no real definition or rule when you can start calling someone a childhood friend. Still doubt it.

I'm gonna gonna skip 3 and go to 2, Isolde meet the rest of the platoon 2 years ago.

I personally believe this because it doesn't require us believing or explaining why Tristan meet his cousin on his mother's adopted side (who shouldnt live to far away and are on good terms with) till he was 13-14.

The only thing that could lead to question this idea is this scene

Chion, Jade, and Isolde all knew each other "way back when." This leads us to the question of "how long ago was way back when?" When I first read this as "way back when we were children, before we even knew Tristan." Mean Chion even said "did we? Implying it was long enough he doesn't remembers clearly. That would put a dent on the Isolde meet them only 2 years ago, unless she meet Chion and Jade like 2.5 years ago and Tristan like 2.0 years ago.

But re-reading it I don't think the fact Tristan wasn't their necessarily means they didn't know him. After Tristan shouted "listen, you!" They apologize for leaving him out. It be weird to apologize for leaving him out if they didn't even know him at the time. This would imply that this was after they meet Tristan and they just didn't invite him for what ever reason (that or they were apologizing for making him feel left out for being the one who knew them all for the least amount of time).

I first thought 2 years ago wasn't long enough for "way back when" but thinking about it, it could work as like "way back when we first meet." For Chion not remembering he could have bad memory or he was lying in hopes of changing the subject so Tristan wouldn't feel left out.

Now for the possiblity Tristan didn't meet Jade and his own COUSIN Chion till he was 13-14.

There really isn't any solid reason for why Tristan wouldn't meet Chion sooner besides Chion being adopted 2-3 years ago.

Evidence against this idea would be the fact Chion looks like Gilthunder (so it could be the artist having same face syndrome) and Chion hair is purple (so dark purple which doesn't make much sense looking at real life genetics), and having dark eyes like Margaret (so we don't know the exact color yet unless it's literally black)

Now let's say Chion is adopted. That would explain the personality. Everyone has been wondering how Margaret and Gilthunder raised a jerk like Chion. Now just like how if someone have bad people as parents doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad person, the opposite is true. There's always outside influences. But if Chion is adopted that means he was being effected by nothing but outside factors until being adopted at 10+ y.o.

It's actually kinda an interesting idea. That turns Chion from Margaret's and Gilthunder's rude (and kinda murderous) kid to a kid they took in, who they're probably trying their best to raise, but he has to have some sort of troubled past (mean his bio parents are out of the way) and it leads to problems with his behavior. (It'll would also make a interesting dynamic with him and Elizabeth cause their both adopted, Tristan too cause he's not blood related to his extended family too). Actually on that note Elizabeth use to misbehave cause she was adopted and wanted her father's attention to make up for it.

It could possibly explain why he idolizes Tristan so much. He could be thankful towards the whole Lioness family for Margaret and Gilthunder taking him in. It also changes Tristan and Chion relationship from cousins, to prince and subject turned adopted cousin. Like imagine you get adopted and all the sudden the rulers of your kingdom (who you probably never met) are suddenly your uncle and aunt, and the prince and your possible future king (who you defently never met) is suddenly your cousin. Makes sense he idolizes Tristan so much, after 2 years Tristan probably still feels more like this perfect Prince than his own family.

Being adopted would also explain the hair. Honestly when I first learned Chion was Gilthunder's son my first thought was "aw, things didn't work out with Margaret, that's sad :(," but then I saw (who I'm assuming is Margaret) stand next to Gilthunder and Chion and was like "I guess it did work out but Chion has black hair for some reason."

Darker hair tends to be dominant so it wouldn't make sense that dark purple was somehow recessive to light pink and light purple. At the same time the hair could be explained with hair dye, some weird magical thing that darken his hair, the author not carrying about irl genetics and wanting Chion being their kid to be a surprise, or the unlikely explanation Gilthunder and Margaret broke up, had a kid with another person, and then getting back together and one of them is now a step parent (which would be interesting but doubt it).

Now while writing this I realized another pice of evidence against Chion being adopted (so I guess I lied early saying his appearance was the only evidence against him being adopted). The evidence being he puts himself on a similar level to Tristan. (He's also pretty classiest in general)

This implies he was born from a high ranking family as he calls the others "country hicks". But then slept on it (I wrote this over 2 days) and realized he could still be adopted but was born in another noble family.

If Chion is adopted that also could mean his childhood friend(s) Jade (and maybe Isolde) followed him all the way to Lioness which is cute.

At the end of the day we can't know what "Same goes for Chion and Jade" means unless we're given more information. It's also clear that Chion hair color and personality are mysterious considering his parents.

Wonder if the even that turned his hair black/messed up his personality/possibly orphanage him has to do with that one scare he hides under his bangs?

[patchdotexe]

i heard (from a three-month old post of yours) you have klonoa thoughts and i'm interested in hearing them (if you still have them)

even if not i still want to say i am on that klonoa hyperfixation juice and am a sucker for all of the symbolism i've found in the phantasy reverie games i swear it's so good

YES yes yes yes. i may not have been klonoaposting recently but i am ALWAYS full of thoughts and emotions about the series. most of them are incoherent. and will also be even more incoherent rn bc i am not very awake.

(this also comes with the disclaimer that i havent yet gotten to play the phantasy reverie version of lunatea's veil because i got to 5-2 in door to phantomile, went "not this shit again", and took a break and then haven't gotten around to setting my switch back up after travel. whoops)

i.. am putting this under a readmore.. because this is likely to get very long (and also discussing unreality in the context of klonoa worldbuilding)

SO THE DEAL WITH KLONOA. is mostly the continuity. it is a big ol' mess. the timeline between games doesn't make sense, characters appear and disappear at random, entire major character-shifting revelations (eg everything about huepow) get dropped, nahatomb goes from the incarnation of nightmares to Just Some Skeevy CEO in beach volleyball (and it's hilarious), it's just.. really hard to parse if you're somebody trying to link stuff together. i've seen some complaints about it, and as one of those people who likes to tie things together and will take a wrench to canon if i have to, i agreed for a while

and then when talking about klonoa to my friends, i came to a very important realization that made me sit down for a while and go "oh. yeah. of course."

everything is a dream.

like.. that's the whole premise of the series. these are all dream worlds that klonoa is being brought to and becomes part of for the duration of his stay. they're not supposed to be coherently connected, even if certain characters keep showing up. huepow is in empire of dreams despite it being probably after door to phantomile because huepow is someone important to klonoa, even if it doesn't really make sense for the overall narrative for him to be there without any explanation. same with lolo. klonoa meets someone, gets attached to them, and wants to see them again, so he does.

(you could also extrapolate this into "huepow is always in ring spirit form and the big reveal isn't addressed because klonoa doesn't want to acknowledge it", but that's a bit of a rougher subject.)

there's also potential for the idea that locations and people in door to phantomile are based off klonoa's waking life-- breezegale shows up a couple times (door to phantomile and klonoa heroes, i feel like there's another time i'm forgetting), klonoa's grandpa in dtp might be a phantomilian version of his actual grandpa, stuff like that. it would at least explain how huepow was easily able to graft klonoa into phantomile: there's already something to connect him to.

add onto that the fact that huepow says that, to phantomile, klonoa's world is a "strange dream".. huepow basically flipped klonoa's perspective, to where phantomile is the "real" breezegale and the real waking world is just a weird dream he had and forgot all the details of. which is still pretty fucked up. i do not have the energy to get fully into Huepow Thoughts but my emotions about this orb are "you did not need to do any of this and i am going to cry". this is a "huepow you really need to think more about your life choices" blog

idk there is a LOT to be done with how everything is framed and i really really want to explore that sometime. i fucking love klonoa

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hey, I fear my question might be weird. In my country you can try different therapists before deciding for one. And although I already have been diagnosed in psychiatry, I always had a hard time making it clear to those test-therapists that I need help. Some therapists even kicked me out because they believed I was faking it (pretty badly). There is always this question (in one way or another): "What do you think is wrong with you, what do you want to fix" and I just have a vague feeling of an overall un-wellness. I have been mentally ill for most my life and I don't have a "before" to which I can wish to go back or compare my now-state to. I feel like I have less energy than other, feel less joy, more anxious, bad self image. Just... A lot more of the bad feelings that everybody sometimes has. I can't describe my issue in proper words. And for some therapists that is a sign that there is no issue. I also don't feel comfortable, explaining it with my old diagnoses because they are pretty old. I have the suspicion for a mental illness that I could have but I wouldn't feel comfortable just walking in "Heeeeyyy, I believe I have c-ptsd, could you check?". Self diagnoses are pretty unpopular amongs therapists.

I am planning to give the therapist-search another shot the next weeks but I... don't want to be kicked out again because I can't explain my issue. Are there any good words that come to your mind, that I could use?

Thanks

Hi anon,  Thank you for reaching out and I’m so sorry that you’ve had such hurdles in your journey for seeking help and support for your mental health.  From personal experience with medical trauma, I’d like to share an article about “red flags” in therapy - and I hope at the very least it might help validate that you absolutely should be not only allowed, but encouraged, to ask questions about your diagnosis (and if you need an updated one), as well as the specifics of a treatment plan. Of course it’s very understandable that without feeling safe, the appointment could feel so jarring that even if you meet a kind one, it could be hard to convey what you’re looking for.  

My first advice would be to ask if someone can go with you, someone you feel comfortable with, and who you might even be able to practice a dialogue with beforehand.  

Even if they can, or cannot come, my second piece of advice is to have your questions written down as well.  Worst come to worst, if you feel unable to verbally share your concerns, perhaps you could slide them over so they can reply.  

My third piece of advice is to ask for a print out of the after visit summary, with clear instructions and follow up to what the next steps might be - something you can refer to in the future as well.

You are correct that in my own experience, some medical professionals are a bit weary of self diagnosis’ but many more are curious to ask, with genuine compassion, “And why do you think that might be?”  And pause, waiting for you to share your symptoms.  

So my final piece of advice on how to broach the subject, is sharing the symptoms you are currently experiencing - and then at the end, simply state something along the lines of, “I am concerned this might be c-ptsd, and would like to be tested for it.” (as in, don’t even it word your request as a question that requires their permission, because it doesn’t).

If they deny you the opportunity to test, have them put into writing why not, that is your right - and then get a second, and a third opinion.  Because most medical professionals want to help you see an ease of your symptoms, no matter what it is, and I would hope this new one would want the same for you.  Either way, I hope you get the answers you’re seeking, and the support you deserve.  Best of luck.

- Mod Kat

[mlplovelight]

Ch. 7 - Down Bad

“What do you think of the shop, TWILIGHT SPARKLE?”

Applejack asks you this, and at least this time she gave you a minute to take stock of your surroundings before asking your opinion. Sheesh, she’s so eager to know what you think about things.

Truth be told, you’re not sure what to think. Applejack’s shop is full to bursting with scrap from Old Equestria, but everything is meticulously organized; there are shelves lined with finished refurbished objects, and objects half-finished marked as works in progress. The wooden floor is completely spotless, and there is a neatly managed desk standing by the far wall, which Applejack immediately hops behind and looks very professional.

This isn’t what you expected at all, you figured a junk shop would be cluttered and messy, with scrap lining the floor in dangerous heaps. This is… so organized. It’s kind of overwhelming.

“I’m impressed,” you manage to keep a straight face and an even tone. “You keep this place neat and tidy.”

“Of course!” Applejack holds her head up and smiles. “Don’t want anypony trippin’ over anything, and keepin’ the place organized helps me always find whatever I need whenever I need it. Plus, just between you and me, I LOVE sortin’ stuff.”

Oh no she’s literally perfect.

The scrap shop is quite nice, the neatness and tidiness really does make you feel like you’re in a professional space, which is cool and all, but what REALLY stands out to you about this place is what it says about Applejack; that she’s organized, professional, and knows her stuff.

And you are DOWN BAD for that kinda thing.

“Ahem, well,” you clear your throat and try to remain composed. You don’t want to become a mess of weird feelings in a stranger’s house. “I’m sure you have an overstuffed closet somewhere full to bursting with heaps of unorganized scrap, am I right?”

“Oh yeah, of course,” Applejack chuckles and points to a door in the far back corner, adorned with a ‘DANGER’ sign, “right over there. Last thing I want is to run outta stuff to organize, y’know?”

Crud. Your plan to change the subject with a ridiculous rhetorical question backfired; she was prepared for your clever ruse with an adorable response.

Not only that, but now you are ENTICED. You want to see the danger room… you want to see the heaps of disheveled scrap.

The thing about Old Equestria scrap is that it’s all pulsing with the ancient magicks of Old Equestria; there’s history to every piece of it, and power to be gained by those who are able to discern their secrets. This stuff is FASINATING to you, as a scholar of both magic and of Old Equestria, but mechanics has always been your worst subject when it comes to magic.

You want to see all the magic scrap… especially untouched, raw scrap… and you want to hear Applejack, an EXPERT, explain the magicks to you. The thought of it is so exciting… it’s almost more than you can bear.

But you can’t just ASK her to show you that stuff…

“Hey, you wanna take a look back there?” Applejack asks, nodding her head toward the danger room. “I could show you some of the really cool stuff I haven’t fixed up yet, maybe ramble about how it works and what I wanna refurbish it into.”

HOLY #@$%!!!!!!!!!

“Yeah, sure,” you say with a casual shrug, and Applejack nods and trots over to the danger room, you slowly following behind.

YES!!!! YOU NAILED IT!!!!! It takes everything in you to not pump your hooves in the air in excitement, but you’re not gonna blow your cover now!

You’ve got her CONVINCED that you are a stoic cool girl who’s difficult to impress, you’re not just gonna shoot that impression down now over a little bit of scrap, OR over a beautiful woman rambling to you about her hyperfixations (even if that is literally the hottest thing a woman could possibly do and you’re absolutely LOSING IT over how cool she is).

Applejack opens the door to the danger room and your jaw immediately drops to the floor, and you let out an embarrassing croaking sound as your senses are PUMMELED by the sight of TONS of scrap piled up in huge heaps, the smell of rust and musty old metal pounding your nose, and your skin tingling from the aura of magic rolling off all this scrap in waves.

To put it simply, Applejack basically showed you a room full of more treasure than you have ever seen in your life, and she did it with the casual demeanor of someone finding a pack of gum in the bottom of their saddlebag.

“Uhhhhh,” is all you can think of to say, your eyes wide enough to explode in your skull.

“Like whatcha see?” Applejack asks, a devilish smirk on her face. You want to be mad about her being so smug, but honestly you’d be kinda mad if she didn’t act smug about this.

“Ahem,” you manage to get yourself together and clear your throat, trying to affect a more casual demeanor yourself. “I’m mildly impressed.”

“If that was you bein’ mild, I’d love to see your face when you get REALLY impressed,” Applejack chuckles.

Suddenly a bell jingles, and your ears flick up at the unfamiliar sound. You look to Applejack for a sense of how you should feel, and she doesn’t look too concerned, just looking back behind her toward the entrance door.

You follow her gaze and see a pony has just walked into the shop; the bell must’ve been one of those ‘someone just entered the store’ bells, that makes sense.

“I should take this,” Applejack says, closing the door to the danger room. Which is just as well, you should take a little time to get mentally prepared before actually going in there.

“Applejack, sweetheart!” the pony cheers as she sees Applejack, literally greeting her with open arms. She’s a chocolate colored pony with striking red hair, and she looks very posh with her delicate curls. “I’m so glad you’ve returned to us! I was DISTRAUGHT when I came to town yesterday and your shop was left closed and unattended.”

“Cherry Spices!” Applejack says, embracing the Cherry pony in a hug. “Fancy seein’ you in town! Yer like the third familiar face from outta town I’ve seen today! What a rare treat!”

“I admit, I might be partially responsible for this mass… erm, what’s the opposite of an exodus?” Cherry ponders for a moment, and Applejack joins her, but Cherry quickly dismisses the question. “Whatever, not important. What IS important is that I’m undergoing quite the prestigious expedition, and it’s no wonder it’s got ponies coming out of the woodwork.”

“Tell me all about it!” Applejack says, sitting behind her desk and propping her forelegs up on the counter, her hooves on her cheeks. You elect to just stay in the shrouded corner in front of the danger room, listening in on the conversation but not participating. “Where’re ya headed?”

“I’m headed HERE, Applejack,” Cherry Spices grins. “Or rather, to the ruins in your very own backyard.”

Well now you’ve really gotta pay attention.

“No kiddin’!” Applejack hums. “What brings you to our neck of the woods? Anythin’ I can help ya with?”

“I’m so glad you asked, sweetheart!” Cherry Spices grabs one of Applejack’s hooves. “I was very much hoping I could borrow your expertise for the mission! For we’re planning on going where no pony has gone before!”

“Space?” Applejack asks, and Cherry Spices lets out a scoffing laugh.

“No, silly,” Cherry Spices says. “We’re going to delve into the dungeon.”

Applejack’s eyes widen, and your ears clamp flat against your skull, your eye twitching and your nose curling up in disgust.

“Wh—that’s—“ Applejack stammers.

“Applejack,” you say coldly, and both ponies turn their attention to you.

“Oh, honey! I didn’t see you there, I’m sorry!” Cherry Spices exclaims before you can continue your sentence. “How do you do? My name’s Cherry Spices!”

“I’m aware,” you say flatly, before turning your attention back to Applejack. “Applejack, can I talk with you for a second? Alone?”

“Uh, sure,” Applejack says. “You mind givin’ us a sec, Cherry?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart,” Cherry says. “I have a busy schedule to prep, so I have to be off, but maybe we could pick up this conversation later? Maybe this evening?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Applejack nods, and Cherry Spices gives her a little kiss on the cheek before departing. Once she leaves, Applejack trots over to you in the secret shrouded danger room corner. “What’s up, sugarcube?”

“Going inside that dungeon is a bad idea,” you say sternly.

“Do you know what’s inside?” Applejack asks. “It’s been sealed tight since as far back as anypony can remember. I dunno if we even CAN get inside.”

“I don’t know what’s inside,” you shake your head slowly. “What I do know is that even the spirits fear that place, and that seals from Old Equestria should STAY sealed.”

“Hmm, I’ll keep that in mind,” Applejack taps her chin. “To be honest, the fact that nopony can get inside is kinda a whole local legend. Ponies have tried! But no one can figure out how to get the door open, and it’s underground so it’s not like there’s a window to bust through.

“I’ll have to talk to Cherry Spices about it. No way she ain’t acquainted with the place’s reputation. If she has plans to get inside it, I’m real curious.”

“I’ll ask Emerald Ray about it too,” you say. “Maybe I’m just being paranoid, she’ll know more about it than I do.”

“Sounds good,” Applejack nods. “What happened to Emerald Ray, by the way?”

“Ghosts sleep during the day,” you explain. “They draw their power from the darkness of night, so.”

“Ah, I guess that makes sense,” Applejack shrugs. “We got some time to kill before Emerald wakes up then, and before I have that meetin’ with Cherry Spices I just agreed to. You wanna check out some of the junk in my closet?”

You feel a smile trying to sneak its way onto your lips, but you scoff and manage to turn it into one of those smug disaffected smiles that cool girls use.

“Sure,” you say coolly, “if it means that much to you.”

“Awesome!” Applejack grins and kicks open the danger room door.

Hehehe… your evil scheme is working perfectly. You are going to trick Applejack into rambling about your hyperfixations and you are going to be VERY INTERESTED in the things she has to say, but she has no idea and just thinks that you’re a cool girl who is difficult to impress.

Twilight Sparkle, you are an evil genius.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Copycat: Agent Zero —(Marvel Fem!Oc)

A/N: BREAKING two losers in need of a hug find out that sharing feelings is actually not that terrible -Danny

Words: 2,547

Phase Four Masterlist

Previous chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to: ‘Home’ -by Cavetown

xxviii: Home

Parker came back drying his hair with a towel and Pietro's shirt over his shoulder, she'd been too stressed to notice the first time he took off his clothes, but she was certainly staring now.

He noticed, a smile forming on his lips. "What?"

"Did you get hot overnight, or do you work out to look like that?"

"I'm not sure of what you mean..." he answered with a chuckle.

"You got bitten by a spider?"

"Yeah?"

"You felt ill, and you fell asleep, and when you woke up you were super strong and super everything?"

He tilted his head, still smiling. "Same with your guy?"

"Did you wear glasses?"

"I preferred contacts..."

"Peter couldn't afford those, so he stuck to the classics," she smiled. "Were you tiny and clumsy?"

He bit his lip trying to remember. God, he was cute. "No, I was pretty average. I'd always been kinda tall and I used to skate a lot. I still do sometimes."

"You skate!" Cat said delightedly. "That's way too cool for a Peter..."

"Thanks?"

"Do you sometimes record your missions? Peter likes to do that... or used to. I don't really know what he likes now..."

All the things Peter liked when they were dating could no longer be his thing, surely he had new interests now. Parker approached, sitting next to her.

"I'm a freelance photographer," he said. "I had to quit school because, er... well, money was a bit tight, and I sell pictures of Spider-man to the Daily bugle—"

"We have a Daily bugle!"

"Yeah, I know," he grinned. "You won't believe it, but your J.J. Jameson looks exactly like mine."

"What?" She laughed. "But wait, you sell pictures of Spider-man? You stand there in your bathroom and take a bunch of selfies?"

He chortled. "No, I gotta be smarter than that! I set the timer so it looks like the pictures are taken as I pass by."

"Smart," she admitted. "You make your own webs too?"

"Yup."

Cat handed him the plate of waffles and went to check her phone, which was charging in the kitchen. "I'm glad my brother's clothes worked for you... I was starting to feel guilty about keeping them."

"My aunt May has my uncle's from when they got married— and his favorite shirt," he shrugged. "If they mean something, I don't see the problem with keeping 'em. I should be the one who's sorry, I didn't know these were your brother's..."

"No it's fine, it's... How do you know my brother died?"

"I never said that."

"You compared me to your aunt May, and I know your uncle's dead 'cause of course he is, so—"

"I know your brother's dead but that's 'cause I can put two and two together," he said, brushing it aside. "Why else would you have his clothes?"

"He could be on a trip?"

"Is he?"

"What if I say he is?"

"I'd say you're full of shit," he replied with a smirk.

No one among her friends had treated this subject in such a lighthearted way. It intrigued her, but at the same time, he wouldn't judge her if she said what she really wanted to say.

"He's dead," Cat looked away. "I wish it'd been me."

She made her way back and grabbed another waffle without asking, she took a bite before explaining. The young man waited patiently.

"Pietro looked after me like a brother would, and he did a pretty fucking outstanding job..." she took another bite, this one harder to swallow. "He had a real sister, though... she was my friend too, then the accords— you read about the accords?"

"Was she on Iron man's side?"

"I was. I didn't see her again until after the blip. The last time I was fifteen— and then I was twenty-one and she was eighteen. Her twin brother died and it was my fault... I feel like I stole Pietro's chance." Cat stared at the ceiling, she couldn't stop talking. "I was dating Peter before the blip, I had to break up with him—"

"It would've been weird otherwise," Parker nodded in understanding.

"Exactly!" She fell back on the couch with relief. "I knew you'd get it. Anyway, we broke up and stopped talking for a year, and then I worked as an agent..."

Parker took a bite from his waffles every now and then, nodding and letting out quiet exclamations of contempt. They had time to spare, so maybe talking to one Peter Parker —more mature than the one in her universe— would somehow make her feel better. In the end, he was going to leave and never come back.

"Dude, what the hell?" He frowned and swallowed the last bit of waffle. "I thought your life would be easier because you don't have to look after the whole place, but it still got fucked!" He blushed. "I mean, I'm sorry it happened—"

The young woman smiled at him. "You're nice— and cute. Did I say that already?"

"Ahahah— hehe," he cringed at his weird laugh. "Yeah. I'm starting to think you're not joking."

"Pretty standard when it comes to me," she eased him. "Though is a known fact that Peter Parker is cute. He's a nerd, and really awkward, but he makes up for it by being attractive and charming."

Parker looked at her with a flustered smile, tight-lipped and pink-faced. "I would appreciate it if you stopped..?"

"Not used to getting compliments?" Cat grinned knowingly.

Parker wrinkled his nose. "Oh, I get compliments all the time. I'm the spider-menace, the freak in spandex, the—"

"Webhead," she grinned. "One would think your aunt and girlfriend had sweeter ways to call you..."

The young man looked away. "I'm not talking to May right now. She got mad at me when I quit school and... I don't date."

Out of all the things he could've told her, this was the one she couldn't believe. "Are you serious?"

"I am," he said, again with that awkward tight-lipped expression.

"No. There's no way."

"Honest."

"Parker, there is no way in hell no one wants you."

"I don't feel like dating."

"Ah... that I can understand," she nodded with an absent gaze. "I feel you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, that I can't believe." He left his plate on the coffee table. "Aaaand I don't mean to pry, but I heard you talking over the phone with Matt, and it sounded like you were planning a date."

"He's— I  mean, yeah, we hung out the other night but— he's not— we can't—"

"That explains the marks on your neck," Parker teased her. "It looks like he is and you can."

"You're trying to distract me," she pointed an accusing finger at him. "I was asking about your love life. It's your time to vent!"

"Oof..." Parker stretched, his shoulders staying up as the arms went back down. He closed his mouth tightly and squinted. "Not sure that's a good idea..."

"I promise I won't judge. Whatever you're into, it's okay, I like men and women, and sometimes really cute aliens and—"

"No—" he stopped, processing what she'd said, but decided to ignore it for the time being. "I mean, that's not the problem— it's not about my preferences."

"Well, you heard my story," she insisted. "I'm a shitty person, and yet you're still acting like I'm just a stunning girl. I'll treat you like a pretty boy too afterward, you have my word."

Parker pondered for a moment, then let out a sigh. "We're having a good time, I don't want to ruin it."

Her hand went up to his face and pinched his cheek. "Aren't you a sweetheart? It's so fun to tease you, Big-bug. If it helps, you can keep in mind that we probably won't see each other ever again, so..."

His eyebrows raised in realization. "That's true." His face wrapped in determination as he made up his mind. "Okay, I've... I never told this to anyone, so I don't know how much... of everything... I'll be able to say."

"I'm all ears no mouth."

He began to speak: His uncle Ben had died after he'd gotten his powers and that was the reason why he'd decided to become a hero. He didn't know any MJ or Ned Leeds, but he had a Flash Thompson, an aunt May, and a Gwen Stacy.

Cat knew how it felt to see your partner die knowing you could've stopped it. She understood his anger and his need to return to that bright and wholesome spirit he once was, how hopeless he felt when he realized that would never happen. Every day he put on the suit wishing for vindication, and every night he went to bed having none.

"So..." he forced out a laugh. "Have I ruined your night yet?"

"No," she said. "I'm not the friend who asks others to share their feelings, but you were just..." she gestured around him vaguely. "You had a lot going on. I'm surprised you didn't burst into tears."

"Oh, I'm just really good at crying internally."

She laughed. "It's crazy. Your life is like Peter's, but it's like..."

"Like you and me are also alike?" He smiled.

"Yeah."

"I feel the same way."

"Do you think this is how every person in their twenties feels?"

"I don't know, I don't have many friends my age. That's to say... I have zero friends."

"Me neither! See?" She stopped. "Are we sad?"

"Emotionally or..?"

"That's obvious," Cat snorted. "I mean like, are we lame?"

"There's no version of you that could be lame. Look at you! You have purple eyes!"

"You should start dating again." Cat had a moment of abrupt sincerity. "I'm not Gwen, but that's exactly what I want for my Peter and I was his first girlfriend, so maybe my opinion counts for something? I think Peter Parker deserves to be loved, in all of his versions."

Parker shook his head again, a tense smile on his lips. "They wouldn't know I'm Spider-man. With Gwen... being a hero felt easy. Now... well, I know better." He pushed his hair back, it wasn't as curly as Peter's. "It's also hard to believe anyone can live up to Gwen. She was perfect."

" I get that feeling..." she said quietly.

Parker stared at her. "So we're just going to stay celibate for the rest of our lives, huh?"

Cat burst into laughter. She took even herself by surprise, it'd been years since she'd laughed in that way. "So... sorry," she gasped. "That was hilarious..."

"I wasn't joking," he raised a brow. "I think I envy Matt a little."

She snorted. "There's no need. He's a grown man with a life and sadly I can't keep him around long enough."

"Is he older than you?" When Cat nodded his mouth fell open and a huge grin adorned his face. "Best friend's brother kind of gap or he could be your father?"

She blushed. "He's too old for the first and too young for the other..."

Parker laughed. "Oh, it makes total sense! You look like the kind of gal that has no time for boys— she wants a man."

"Stop mocking me!" She demanded over his laughter. "You think it's stupid but there really is a difference! I know boys my age and they're—"

"Careful, I'm a boy your age," he warned her.

"You don't count."

"'Course I do!"

"You're three years older than me," she raised a brow. "It's like how I'm five years older than Peter. We are not the same age."

"He's a teen and I'm an adult," he raised a brow. "I have a degree."

"Ooohh! A degree!" She taunted.

"A science degree. And before quitting school I was studying biophysics." Parker stared at her, a smirk showing on his face. "You've no idea what that is."

"Not a clue. But you don't have to try that hard to impress me! Stark tried to and he failed, so you can stop that already."

"I read about Stark— also watched his documentary before you came back," he frowned. "I'm not sure I'm a fan."

"Well, he's dead, so he won't take it personally."

"You said the Avengers were your family," he tilted his head. "You're not mad that I think he was kind of an ass?"

"You're not wrong," she shrugged. "He wasn't entirely terrible, but I'm not expecting everyone to worship the shit outta him for that."

"What about respecting their legacies?"

"Well, he was always the first to make fun of himself. Steve Rogers used to say I'm a lot like Tony."

"And you agree?"

"I'm attractive, likable, young... but I have no money."

Peter whistled. "Then we can't be friends."

"Oh no, I was so worried you were going to shut me out, the dear stranger I just met twelve hours ago," she retorted.

Parker started laughing but it ended in a yawn.

"I think we should sleep..." she said. "If you're lucky I'll be sending you home before lunch tomorrow," she patted his knee. "You gonna sleep out here?"

"Aren't we going to share the bed?"

"No..?" Cat had no problems sharing beds with strangers, but most strangers did.

"Oh no, then I'll stay here," he frowned. "If we're not cuddling, what's the point?"

She stared at him. "I can't tell if you're joking."

"I'm flirting."

"I thought you didn't date?"

Peter got up and stretched, she caught a glimpse of his hip bones. "You can flirt with your friends and it doesn't mean anything, right? That's what you've been doing all day."

"Ahh," she nodded approvingly. "You're a natural."

"I gotta make up for being a huge nerd."

Cat chuckled, standing up as well. "Okay, you can sleep in my bed if you want."

"I'll do it if you promise you won't sleep on the couch. I can't do that to you after all the things you've done for me and my younger self." This was the second man to set foot in her bedroom and the thought made her laugh. "What?"

"Nothing— Matthew stayed the other night and... I might have one more thing in common with Tony Stark."

From under the bed, they heard a loud hiss, and Felix ran out of the room.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," the young man pointed over his shoulder. "Your cat hasn't eaten since I got here. I tried to feed the thing but the cat also tried... to murder me."

She snorted. "Get in the bed, I'll handle Felix."

Cat changed into one of Pietro's old shirts, then Parker asked if he could borrow a toothbrush and she gave him one from under the sink.

It'd been months since she'd felt this tired, and it was so nice to have company, she didn't even flinch when Parker rolled over and the mattress sank under his weight.

"Good night," she mumbled against the pillow.

"'Night, Janie..."

That brought her back for a moment. "What did you call me?"

"Janie? As in Jane?" He explained to her. "You said Jane Doe would've been a fitting name for you. I agree. You kinda look like a Jane."

She hummed. "I like it..."

"That's how I'll call you once I'm back in my universe and you come up in a conversation. I'll say 'my friend Jane actually knows how to fly a plane' or, 'My pal Jane —one of my best friends— she can kick your dad's ass'."

She laughed sleepily. "That's nice, Parker. But I'm not sure it's okay for you to call me one of your best friends..."

"Oh c'mon, I thought you liked me!"

"I mean I don't think you should say I'm one of 'em, I'm literally the only friend you've got."

"Pfft," he kicked her leg gently. "Ass."

Cat turned around and looked at him. "When you go back to your world," she didn't know why the sudden impulse to tell him that, "promise me you'll make a good life for yourself."

He stayed quiet, just looking at her. "Hey, Jane?" Cat hummed, almost asleep. "Thank you for making me feel at home."

Next Chapter—>

Taglist.

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[calumhoodgoss]

Hi!!!

I feel like Lighter anon is just apart of my identity now hahaha if only there was a lighter emoji 😂😂

Omg the self title merch does pay homage to the early merch!! It never even crossed my mind that that was a possibility.

And I agree that it does seem “lazy”. Like it was kinda baffling why it took so long (unless there was behind the scenes stuff that prevented it but I mean speculating is probs pointless idk 🤷🏼‍♀️)

It’s just funny to me that twitter ‘stans’ especially will drag the boys through the mud for everything but as soon as they move even a lil bit, suddenly they’re huge fans again. Like I’m often questioning if they even like them?

Some content would have been nice but I imagine that until recently they all hadn’t been in the same place (Luke tour and he stayed in Aus for like weeks after, Ash in LA, Cal being Cal, Mike in Georgia?) I would assume they wouldn’t want to go back to making zoom content but I could be wrong.

As for FOF, August is a long month (I say as we are now 10 days in) but I would assume that they always intended it to be mid to late August based on when the Self-titled stuff was dropping so it wouldn’t be super close together. They might also be figuring out how to go forward based on the reaction it got, which I thought was justified. It was very on the fence and surface level statement.

Also to just completely change the subject but we got them all in a room today and I’m not saying I’ve watched the video 50 million time (I’ve watched it 50 million times). They all look so good but the star of the show is 100% Cal’s hair. OMG it looks so soft and fluffy and the curls are curling like I might have passed away.

Sorry for the absolute waffle.

- Lighter anon xx 😘

⚡️⚡️LIGHTER ANONNN YAY⚡️⚡️

youre so right, they have been apart for the majority of this year now that i think about it. tbh their zoom content is some of my favourite content from them, i WISH they'd vring it back - but i agree, i doubt they'd want to

righttttt their stance being so non confrontational and centralist (?) was weird. like everyone is putting pressure on you to support Palastine, if youre not going to support then you're almost better off not saying anything. tbh i think saying 'august' was them trying to buy more time while appeasing the fans, which i guess worked 🤷‍♀️

THE VIDEO THOUGH OMGG them talking about working on music and all being together in a studio dicking around was so 🤑🤑🤑 (i will not explain the emoji you just have to get the vibe). and cals hairrrrrrrrŕrrrr ESPECIALLY IN THE BUN IN HIS TIKTOK like literally wtf kill me

[therarara]

Okay so y'all are about to hear me go on cause my newest hyperfixation (aka vtubers) really hitting me in the feels so respectfully here is a keep reading tab for those who just want to nhoom by.

The reason being the one who basically got me into this rabbit hole in the first place, Mysta Rias, graduated ("retired") today 🥲 and like yeah I knew for a month cause he gave us fair warning because of the circumstances but like twitter is like popping off with clips of the graduation stream in which I am lowkey avoiding but also trying to watch in small doses as if that hurts any less and I am just feeling things. Like I looked up Mysta because I first found Shoto and watched their skyblock collab (because its minecraft 🤪) and found him so funny and chill. From there I watched some clips and some of those included his groupmates from Luxium, then I was bouncing between the five, branched out further into other nijiEN livers and even some JP. I've changed my oshi a dozen times and now its our woman my boy Kyo Kaneko but back to subject. Mysta is my first niji liver who introduced me to my current comfort streamers. I may not be a mystake (his fan name) but Mysta holds a special place as my goofy streamer with the wildest things to say and creative stream ideas, he may be a little awkward but he is kind and good natured. Again I didn't watch him all that often but I always kept tabs on him and even if he isn't my favorite he was the one I talked about the most.

Of the things I've seen in regards to thing leading up to his graduation, it was either a text transcript or a clip bit it was basically saying that Mysta's fear was being forgotten but I'm like my boy that isn't possible because the mystakes definitely won't but I wouldn't either. Honestly this spiel only sparked cause one of his groupmates was addressing how Mysta had this alluring presence that had honestly gotten himself and other EN livers out there and he is right of course but my brain started spiraling on this tangent cause its my own personal story.

And like you can still send fan letters I believe up until a month after graduation and I so wanted to write one but it just felt weird to thank him for introducing me into the world of nijisanji where I met my comfort streamer (it would basically be like this and like that's not really a fan letter) so like I'm not gonna but it is making me feel so many things and idk how to explain it. I guess I just want to say, Mysta was the start of it all and I'm thankful to him for it.