#which includes stuff like comics. so when i found the collection i was like fuck it ill start here

[elvenbeard]

Elven goes Comic Park Artist Alley 2023

Here it is, the post I threatened to make! It's gonna be long and full of ramblings, but I wanted to write everything down and idk, maybe you'll find it interesting to read! xD

So, this was my first time tabling at an artist alley. I had applied to another con near-ish me a couple of times in the past but never got accepted, so I was quite floored when it worked here at first try this time around xD I was hella nervous all the way up until the day I actually had to go and leave for some reason. Beforehand, I gathered some inspo at other cons for table setups and invested a little bit in one of those wire-shelf thingies, cause since it's very modular I would have also been able to make good use of it if it turns out artist alleys aren't my thing after all. I got a small collection of prints printed, I wanted to stick with a theme (namely, my original fantasy stuff, since fanart is a legal grey area and I wanted to be on the safe side - also, themes are nice!).

I managed to fit everything I needed for the table into two big Ikea bags and left on Friday noon for the con (we were allowed to set up starting at 2pm that day, the actual con starting on Saturday at 9am). I also set up two small shelf units for putting on the table upfront to save some time!

My cat was not impressed.

Setup and everything worked out without problems, the helpers were all super kind and welcoming. The only thing that was kinda chaotic was that the con organizers and the owners of the location (the artist alleay was in a whole new building, and the location overall is insanely pretty) seemed to kinda work against each other in a way xD Communication didn't quite work, and I think if we as artists and our helpers had received at least some kinda document or ID or a little coloured wristband that said "exhibitor" or something, it would have prevented a lot of arguments and delays. But alas, maybe next year!

Since I had a quite long drive and didn't wanna do that twice every day, I stayed at a hotel nearby. It felt a little like a mini vacation, which was nice xD Cost-wise, I would have ended up paying the same amount in gas that I paid in hotel fees.

As I said, as soon as my table was set up, all nervousness from before had kinda vanished and despite my days starting super early and ending very late, I had a blast overall xD Only thing is, I didn't sleep well (but I rarely do when I know I have to get up early, the anxiety of missing my alarm haunts me in my dreams).

My view for the weekend xD I love how creative some of the other artists' setup was, let alone how amazing their art was! There was a huge variety of styles and products, from prints to pins to handmade jewelry and plushies, and I didn't even get the chance to see it all xD

I guess this being my first table and the fear of accidentally missing out on a conversation with someone who likes my stuff I kinda didn't dare to venture very far from my table xD So I didn't see much of the rest of the con, but thankfully a lot of people found their way to the artist alley anyway! My personal highlight was having the ultimate, first-hand V experience. I randomly look to the right, and suddenly:

Johnny fucking Silverhand! Including an ominous duffle bag that might have said NUKE... or NIKE, not sure... (find him on instagram @_iggyizzy_). Had a short convo with him both days, he was absolutely living his role, and yes xD Best quote that'll stay with me: "Don't make me laugh, or my beard is gonna come off!" Cosplay problems, I relate so hard :D

Some other highlights:

Explaining my dark fantasy world and setting with the target group "21+" to some very enthusiastic young kids who liked the pretty pictures xD

Talking to other creative people and seeing their projects - also loved the fact that there were several others tabling for the first time, and they all had different approaches that I all loved!

In general being told my art is good by complete strangers who know nothing about it was a huge ego and morale boost xD And being able to talk about a very dear-to-me project I'm passionate about in general was awesome

Talking to likeminded people who got inspired what I was doing <3

Nerding about my favourite video games with people

People really liking my inktober stuff a lot, which I wouldn't have expected

Ending the con with a long conversation with two cosplayers/gamers/creative people discussing tabletop games, Dragon Age, and Cyberpunk for about half an hour :D Was such a nice note to end the weekend on!

As I said, upfront I read up on some random resources online, some dos and donts and useful tips for artist alleys. Some of the tips really paid off ("pack a little emergency bag containing all sorts of materials to improvise if need be") which was useful to adjust some price tags and stuff! Others didn't quite turn out to be as accurate, with my most expensive item selling best in comparison to more affordable ones. I also hadn't planned on offering doodle commissions (which I'd seen people do at other cons) but I will definitely do if I ever get a table spot again, cause they were quite popular. And they made me realize once more why I miss doing commissions and will get back into them soon here, too!

Kinda negative things that come to mind regarding the whole experience are really minor actually, as I mentioned already the slightly chaotic organization here and there, but overall there were always good workarounds to that available, too. And I think/hope next time will work out better! A personal annoyance (but that is just my life in general xD) was getting misgendered quite a bit cause I'm not really passing, and me being too scared of irl confrontation in that reagard to correct people XD But I'm working on it. On the other hand, also had a really nice convo with a fellow queer dude about the abundance of pride flags and stuff, which was fun xD

And what I also learned is that the majority of people who do this regularly work Monday-Friday jobs... which makes sense, that enables you to go to cons on weekends, cause you always have the weekend off. Me, I get one weekend off per month at random (I could request specific days, but they're never guaranteed). So yeh... time to find a better dayjob I guess, if I wanna do this professionally xD Or luck out with my day off requests.

Anyway though... my personal takeaway and what I'd do differently next time:

I enjoyed the whole thing a lot more than I would have guessed

I'd make my stand more visibly lgbtq+ themed, to get people interested in queer fantasy art and writings that would walk past generic-looking dark elves

Also I'd add somewhere that this is an original project I'm working on, cause most people I got talking to assumed "oh this is just dnd stuff" and were pleasantly surprised when they learned "no, this is actually a whole setting and story"

I'm gonna wear a name tag with my pronouns on it (I wanted to do it this time but chickened out at the last moment, cause I'm just with one toe out of the closet irl and got too scared XD one challenge at a time)

I did like how my table was set up overall though and apart from some minor tweaks would set it up like this again

I would like to try to walk around more and get talking to other artists more, but I was too glued to my seat and table and everything (also, mild social anxiety, but everyone that I did talk to was so kind, so yeh XD one challenge at a time!!)

So yes. So much to my report on being at an artist alley the first time XD Would love to try it again some time, cause I had a blast, and cause of the stuff I'd like to improve on.

I still have a bunch of leftovers, too, posters, postcards, and a few booklets... But for now I'm gonna set up a Ko-Fi-Shop (which I'd wanted to do for a while) and put some things there for the time being. Once it's up and running a post will follow!

And if you read this far: thanks for reading ♥ xD

[bunnywand]

if anyone’s interested, here’s what i missed on my first playthrough of tlou!! so to break it down..

definitely missed the most in the first few levels, which isn’t surprising cos i didn’t rly know what i was doing then 😅

after pittsburgh i’m only missing a couple of things in most of the levels tho.. also i’m not surprised i missed stuff in pittsburgh, with that fucking hotel level 😭 altho i did still find quite a lot there, including all the training manuals and comics, which i think is p good!!

i found everything in tommy’s dam, the firefly lab and jackson!! 🥳

the Only comic i missed was in “lakeside resort” which makes sense.. when i was playing it yday, i made a post saying it seemed like the perfect place to hide collectibles and it was odd i couldn’t find anything even tho i was rly looking, so i guess i Still missed s/t.. 🧐

also noticed how many artifacts i’m missing in lakeside resort too, so maybe i didn’t check thru ellie’s entire inventory after all 😧

but yh, think that’s p good for my first playthrough!! 😎

[veliseraptor]

Hi! With the Black Widow movie coming out, I just re-watched some old MUC movies and remembered how much I love Natasha. What are the main, must-read, Natasha-centric comics that you would recommend to a comics newbie? (You once made a similar post for Loki comics that I used and found extremely helpful.) Thanks for everything you share! I've found a lot of content that I enjoy through your blog!

Thanks, anon! I'm always happy when I can be rewarded for my loud yelling about things that I love. :D

I was sure I'd made a Natasha reading list a while back but apparently not?? what the fuck self. (well, other than my overall MCU starter kit recs post from forever ago that was for all of the O6 and is also very old.)

okay well then I guess it's time to do that now, no time like the present! going to link to trades where they exist but I'll include issue numbers as well

heads up: you probably will run into references you don't understand in some of these. that's comics for you. my advice: either let those things float by you, or just Google them - you can enjoy comics without knowing/having read all the lore!

anyway, the recs.

the easiest suggestion I have right off the bat though is the Black Widow Epic Collection editions that have been published recently (Black Widow: Beware the Black Widow, and Black Widow: The Coldest War) which include some of her major appearances, including in a bunch of old single issues that would otherwise be hard to find. HOWEVER, those won't take you up into her more contemporary appearances (the latest publish date in there is 1996).

THE TOP OF THE LINE

The Marjorie Liu run collected as Black Widow: The Name of the Rose (Black Widow vol. 4 #1-5). If you read no other Black Widow comics, read this one. It's so good, easily one of my top five comics runs of all time. Cannot recommend it enough.

Black Widow: The Itsy Bitsy Spider which includes two different short runs (Black Widow vol. 1, #1-3 & Black Widow vol. 2, #1-3). This is probably my other favorite Black Widow collection of issues (and they very much lead into each other); here's where Yelena gets introduced and also where you can find some very gay panels. If you can't find this one, you can find the same issues republished with the added Pale Little Spider miniseries in a trade called Marvel Knights Black Widow by Grayson and Rucka: The Complete Collection.

The Nathan Edmondson/Phil Noto run collected in three trades The Finely Woven Thread, The Tightly Tangled Web, and Last Days (Black Widow vol. 5, #1-20). This one follows on thematically in some ways from the Marjorie Liu run but primarily the appeal here, in my opinion, is Phil Noto's art, which is gorgeous.

The Mark Waid/Chris Samnee run collected as Black Widow: SHIELD's Most Wanted and Black Widow: No More Secrets (as well as in a Complete Collection edition) (Black Widow vol. 6, #1-12). This was a series not long enough for this world but a delight while it lasted - again, particularly the art, but Waid and Samnee also just work together very, very well.

Black Widow: Web of Intrigue which includes Marvel Fanfare #10-13, Bizarre Adventures #25, and Black Widow: The Coldest War, some older stories featuring Natasha.

THE DEEPER CUTS

I'd put down first Hawkeye & Mockingbird / Black Widow: Widowmaker as a recent series worth reading; the trade also collects Solo Avengers #16-18 in addition to Widowmaker #1-4. I don't think it really gets referenced in other places, but it's a fun collection of issues and I love the dynamic of these three together.

If you want to dig into the background of the character and her true comics origins, check out the old comics collected in Black Widow: The Sting of the Widow which include her first appearances, the introduction of her iconic costume (in Spider-man, actually), and her short run in Amazing Adventures (Tales of Suspense #52, Amazing Spider-Man #86, Amazing Adventures vol. 2 #1-8, Daredevil #81).

This is...kind of a weird one and also a mixed recommendation, but I will throw out there the semi-extracanonical Black Widow: Homecoming (Black Widow vol. 3, #1-6) and Black Widow: The Things They Say About Her (Black Widow 2 vol. 3, #1-6), apparently also now collected as Black Widow: Welcome to the Game, written by Richard K. Morgan (yes, the author of the book that inspired the Netflix show Altered Carbon) because while they are...not good in all ways they do hit some very specific notes for me in places.

Captain America & Black Widow is a short team-up run with Steve and Natasha that's enjoyable if a bit wacky (Captain America & Black Widow #636-640) from a period of time where there was just a series of Captain America team-ups as part of the Captain America run.

This is going to be a hard one because it's not collected anywhere as far as I can tell, but Marvel Knights #1-15 which was published in 2000-2001 as part of Marvel's street level gritty initiative thing (that actually produced some quite good comics). I tracked it down in single issues back in college and actually really loved it. Team book but Natasha is prominent.

If you can find Black Widow & the Marvel Girls (Black Widow & the Marvel Girls #1-4) it is a treasure of a miniseries but unfortunately very difficult, in my experience, to track down.

The Black Widow: Widowmaker collection pulls together an assortment of sort of random oneshots/short runs with some good stuff in there (mostly the thing that I like that is in this one and not in other collections on this list are Fear Itself: Black Widow #1, but it does also include with other material some of the other runs on this list - Black Widow vol. 4 #1-8, Black Widow: Deadly Origin #1-4, and Widowmaker #1-4).

Finally: there's The Champions, the short-lived team Natasha actually led back in the day which is pretty Silver Age but sometimes in an endearing way, and the arc collected in Daredevil: The Widow which is Natasha-centric (Daredevil #61-66) and good enough that I bought it even though I'm not a particular fan of Daredevil. But that might partly be because I really like Alex Maleev's art.

People recommend Black Widow: Deadly Origin but I am not personally a big fan. I'm putting it on here mostly so you have it and also so other people know I'm aware of it.

I'm not yet caught up on the most recent currently running series so I can't speak to recommending it or not.

if you really, really want more deep cuts, anon, I have some, uh, team runs and single issue appearances I'm very fond of personally, but that starts going way down the rabbit hole in a way that perhaps you do not want to.

[popculturebuffet]

Scottrospective: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together! or Days of Summer

Hello all you happy scottaholics! Welcome back to those of you who’ve read the rest of this retrospective and welcome to those of you just joining us. This is the Scottrospective, my look at all 6 volumes of Scott Pilgrim, the game and the movie. It’s all the video game refrenes, slice of life story telling and boob punches you can handle!

It’s been three months since I left off with “The Infinite Sadness” , and while I intended to cover this one for Valentine’s Day, my schedule got away from me and with March being full up, this ended taking till April

I”m not too put off by it though as the hiatus between these two reviews is fitting for this one both in story and out. In story there’s a couple month time skip between books, while out.. this book got delayed a few times.  

This is notable to me at least because this was the first volume of the series I bought when it came out. As i’ve brought up before I came into the series via the Free Comic Book Day Issue and the second and third volumes, picking one up later. I still have my original copies despite no longer really needing them thanks to having the color editions in general. Always will provided something dosne’t happen to them. So this was my first instalment that I got to read fresh and got to wait for and be hyped about and i’d saved enough money that I was able to pre-order it. So the experince of waiting and waiting for the book only to keep seeing it slide back is vivid in my mind as is the frustration I felt having the one thing I COULD NOT WAIT FOR, keep going further and further back. 

So with this long wait and the fact I bought this one when it came out, as I would for the next two which didn’t get delayed thank god, this volume naturally means a lot for me. When I wrote Scott Pilgrim fanfiction, this volume’s status quo is what I based it on. It was the coolest to me and the one I loved to reread the most. It has the most contained story, the most character growth at the time, and the best art due to Bryan’s style having finally hit it’s stride. Not that the art for volumes 1-3 is bad mind you, but it’s very clear his style was changing and shaping into what it is now with each one and while it’d change a bit more, this volume is where the style and quality everyone thinks of when they think of this series and the kind you see on various art done from it comes from. 

So as you can tell i’m excited for this one. Before we get started there WERE two shorter comics released between this one both for Free Comic Book day, the first of which, Free Scott Pilgrim, is the reason I got into the series and the second, the Wonderful World of Kim Pine .. was both delightful and sets up Kim moving in with Hollie for this volume. Originally I intended to cover these in this review.. but I realized they wouldn’t of helped the pacing and this review is going to be way longer than my standard as is.

So instead I came up with the compromise. I did review them.. but as bonus reviews on my patreon. For just one buck a month you can read them and help me reach my stretch goals which now include reviews of Lost at Sea, Seconds and SnotGirl, aka Bryan’s OTHER comics. You can find my patreon THROUGH THIS LINK HERE if your intrested in the exclusives or helping me reach my reviews. I also intend to do an exclusive of Monica Beetle, a short comic Bryan did starring Scott’s dad in the 70s at some point so keep your eyes peeled for that, as well as the three strips he did of Style, the comic that gave us the prototypes for Lisa and Kim. 

I will talk about their connections and setups for this volume briefly: FSP sets up the next ex as a ninja, with Roxy having a bunch of posters come to live and pummel our boy, while Wonderful World has Hollie tell Kim she can move in with her. It’s not much, hence why i made these exclusives but they are good stories, so check them out. And with that JOIN ME UNDER THE CUT, as we enter Scott’s world once more as he grapples with the past, employment, and saying the L-Word... which might be Lesbians. I don’t know. Find out bellow!

So we open Two Months after Volume 3 with a beach birthday party! Complete with Kim in a swim suit!

But it’s for Julie who lobs a volley ball at Scott’s head when he and Ramona try to make out. 

I also dont’ know if “Manfiesting out of all the world’s collectives sorrows” counts as a “birth” necessarily but whatever. I love a good beach story. It’s just a fun setitng for swimming, romance and battling a giant crab with the help of the bird what lives in your backpack.

So after the beach our heroes get dinner and Ramona sweetly calls Scott the nicest guy she’s ever dated. He responds with “That’s sad”. Blunt, but entirely accruate. Julie calls it pathetic and tries to counter Ramona RIGHTFULLY saying “who the hell asked you?” something that really should come after EVERYTHING Julie said with “Back off bitch i’ts my birthday”

So later that night Sex Bomb-Omb has a beach sing along, and I can’t help but notice Neil’s hairy legs. 

I mean yes it does make since for a 19 year old to have leg hair, but of all the characters besides Stephen, the ONLY other character we’ve seen it with to give it to, why the character you specifically single out as “Young” it’s just a weird choice I never noticed before. 

But anyways Julie has to whine about it because she’s Julie, she can’t stand other people being happy and complains the song...

One of my faviorite moments of the series. Knives puts a nicer spin on it, she’s here too and not over with Neil because, as we’ll find out later they broke up, but she just asks if Knives should be drinking. She shouldn’t but for fucks sake lady she was just trying to talk. I also do like that despite Julie trying to control Ramona’s love life, you know the thing the VILLIANS are doing, Ramona cannot stand her now.. and honestly probably never did. 

But Julie, SOMEHOW turns out to be right for once as Kim and Knives have disappeared later that night, and Scott elects to go look for them. Also Ramona says she wants to marry kim while drunk after Julie asks if she does. The throuple is strong with these three... serioulsy that’s my one true pairing for all three now. I mean it ballances out their collective flaws, it’s cute and Ramona is just as into her boyfriends ex as she is her actual boyfriend even when she’s not hamered. Why the fuck not?

Scott instead finds the two making out. I will confess I shipped these two when I was younger.. but I don’t. Not because their gay or anything or because I found another ship for them but because the age gap is still just as wide as it was for Scott. The game did not get this memo and made them a couple which is... ehhhhhhhhh. I mean I wouldn’t mind either being bi, but it just brings up the same problems even if their both hammered. I also question why this scene exists. No really outside of one face punchingly dickish comment from Scott later, this never comes up again and it doesn’t effect Kim’s or Knives character any. Why have this? it’s clearly not fanservice, it’s just a thing that happened. And while Scott Pilgrim as a series does have some of those, as does life and that’s fine.. this is a bit too major, i.e. Kim and Knives, two of the main cast, making out, drunkenly or not, to just.. gloss over you know? I feel Kim would feel majorly guilty for this, as she has the most active moral compass of the main group, and Knives would be massively confused but it’s just.. forgotten because I dunno. In a story that’s otherwise pretty stellar this stands out as an utter waste of potential. I’m not saying have them hook up, gay or not it’s still not better than what Scott did, but have them at least talk about it and have both grow or something from it. Sheesh. 

So we cut to.. another day. Maybe the next day I dunno but it’s August. Point is Scott and Wallace are grocery shopping and Wallace notes they can’t get fancy mayo as their barely in budget. I would’ve glossed over this scene... but @panur​ pointed out back around the Infinite Sadness review that this scene reveals something very intrestng: Scott.. is kind of a fincial burdern to Wallace. Before this while Scott mooched off him it wasn’t all that clear that Wallace was struggling. 

But here we notice that outside of some Havarti, it’s just the simplest stuff imaginable: turkey, bread, boxed mac and cheese ramen noodles... it’s nto BAD stuff, I have all of that in my house and it’s good stuff... but it’s not the kind of thing that you need to carefully budget for. Now granted part of this probably is Wallace as he likely spends a LOT on drinks, condoms and two 2 liters of diet soda a day.. but while he really needs to adress his alcohol issues, the rest is fair. He should be allowed to have as much sex and diet coke as he wants it’s his money. Same with the havarti. He earned it if he wants some really delcious cheese with herbs, seriously Havarati is the best, then that’s his bidness. But the rest of the time he’s barely managing to get  a basketfull of cheap food.. because he has to provide for Scott. It’s clearly something Scott dosen’t get and something I can relate to not getting. It took me a while to get how hard it is to budget for a full family, let alone two people on one income like Wallace has to. But Wallace is working on a nice job... but still a call center or something. He can’t pay for everything and the finccial stress is about to give as their landlord wants to meet with them. And as we’re about to learn things were even worse than we thought. 

Our heroes head home where we get a truly iconic conversation when, over margeritas (again proving my point that while Scott certainly isn’t HELPIGN wallace’s finacials, it’s not all on him)

This will be imporant later.. both the Lesbians part and Scott’s struggle saying it. he tried earlier on the beach but couldn’t get it out and Ramona clearly didn’t want to hear it as she kapt sshhhhing him.. playfully of course but still. 

So some time later it’s moving day! Kim is moving into Hollie and Josephs, and Scott, Stephen and Jason are helping. You might be wondeirng who the hell Jason is. He’s Kim’s boyfriend. I do not likes him. Not because he’s kim’s boyfriend, getting upset because a fictional character you fancy is dating is just patently stupid. I’ts like getting upset a celebrity crush is in a relationship: you had no chance anyway why. I wasn’t even bothered as a kid. I don’t really like him.. because he has no real personaliy and no real baring on the plot and I struggle to think why Bryan included him other than for a really annoying plot twist next time, which does not help my liking him knowing what’s coming. 

But while our heroes help our heroine move in, and Scott is suprised Hollie is there despite Kim having told him a minute ago she was moving in with her, something I can relate to sadly, we get something vitally plot important; Stephen passes Joseph’s room.. and notices he has a small recording setup in his room. Stephen quickly begs him to record the band’s album and Joseph agrees if only because he finds Stephen hot. Eh i’ve seen better relationships start on less, fair enough. And yes I said relationship more on that in a bit. 

So after a brief scene of Scott and Ramona having lunch where Scott fails to know her age and when Ramona says he could just ask.. hea sks and she dosen’t tell, not a bad scene character wise just not very plot important and probably should’ve bene swapped in order with the previous scene, we get to the next day. There’s a heat wave so Wallace orders Scott to go to the mall maybe find a job. He emphasises that. 

Instead Scott just sorta bums around thirst but nto having any money.. until an old face shows up. 

For those who forgot like Scott has, it’s Lisa Miller from the Volume 2 flashback, the girl who had a crush on Scott and was close friends with him and Kim. After a tackle hug  and some panic Scott eventually remembers.... if in a curiously unique and self serving way

At the time this was just hilarous. Now it’s very clear foreshadowing for the big twist in Volume 6. The two catch up while Scott is very clearly attracted to her but very clearly dosen’t want to be, with Lisa wondering where kim is, finding about Ramona, etc, before offering Scott lunch as the two catch up and Scott is very conflicted about how he feels. It’s nice visual stuff as he’s blushing, something more clear in the color version and trying to desperatley sort things out. As for why Lisa’s here she’s moving to the states soon, but is staying with her sister for now. 

So after an incdental scene with Wallace we catch up with Knives, who has broken up with Neil. And after some talk about Clash at the Demonhead, Tamra notes Knives apparently put a big x on her shrine of Scott... which baffles Knifves as she sure as hell didn’t do it and is still, sadly, obessed with Scott as ever. Granted Tamra isn’t at all helpful here claiming she did it even when she says she didn’t, is clearly confused and while yes we don’t know who else would care Tams, that just makes it all the more creepy. Stop gaslighting your bestie, she’s already got enoguh issues. She dosen’t need thinking she might have a split personality on top of the stalking, obession over a guy who has no intrest in loving her back, and attempted stabbings. Knives dosesn’t get a ton of focus in this one sadly. She kind of takes a back seat, and while sh’es not GONE from the volumle and someone close to her does impact it, she dosen’t really have any personal progression, negative or positive, like she does in every other volume, a shame since her personal jouney is one of the most intresting of the main cast. 

Anyways that night Scott hangs out with Lisa, having not gotten around to telling Ramona she exists yet and plays a game of find the Kim Pine. She goes to Neil’ and Stephen’s place for practice, but finds no one there and Neil being a dick... get used to that it’s going to get about 80 times worse soon enough. Though we do get this classic panel i’ve gotten some use out of 

He goes to Kim’s place, but she , Hollie and Satan’s Misterss have all left to Sneaky Dee’s, the local mexican place, for something to eat and Stephen is either high or doing.. something with Joseph. 

Yeah i’m not hiding that Stephen turns out to be gay in the final volume or cheating on Bitch and a Half with Joseph. And even if I hate Julie with the power of a frozen sun, I still dont’ think cheating on her is kosher. He could’ve just broken up with her and while part of it was likely confusion, and he could also be bi and not decided which one he wanted to be with, it’s still a dick move.. and later makes him a hypocrite but that’s a rant for next volume. 

So our heroes FINALLY find Kim, along with Hollie and Mouthface. And a nice thing I like is that Kim and Lisa are just.. increidbly close, happily catching up and making plans to hang before Lisa leaves, that despite Lisa having feelings for Scott the two ended up as close and She and Scott did and i’ts sweet to see. it’s also just.. rare to see Kim GENUINELY happy. I mean look at her

It’s not like she HASN’T smiled across the series but normally she’s just so miserable, likely because her best friends are a grumbly asshole who forces them to hang out with a raging typhoon of bitchiness, and an insenitive asshat who she never got closure with. This is the first decent human being whose not Ramona or Hollie, and that last one’s not going to last, in a while. It’s genuinely sweet to just see her.. enjoy the moment for once, honestly engaged with someone. Ramona shows up and finally meets Lisa, who apparently was on Degrassi.. I mean she says candaian show no one ever watched, and I watched that plenty but i’d like to think she was on there for a season or two. I liked Degrassi.. I honeslty miss it and think it could use some form of revivial and think porting it to netflix was a smart decision.. what wasn’t so smart was not having the other seasons leading into it on there. Need to watch more of it. 

So the next day Ramona stumbles into Scott’s dreams and both are annoyed, with Ramona suggesting he get a job. This finally gets him to try. He asks about Wallace’s work but understandably, he dosen’t really want scott there and asks if he even knows. So Scott sets out to ask his other friends for jobs, while Knives shows up saying she’s “totally not stalking him” but someone is following HER, a mysterious spiky haired dude in a black leather jacket, shades and with a sword on his back. Whu-oh. 

He tries Second Cup, with Julie annoyed that Stephen’s recording.. it’s hard to tell if she’s annoyed because she’s a bitch or because Stephen is both gneuinely annoying right now and clearly screwing around behind her back. My take?

But Scott realizes maybe getting a job at his Sister’s place of work who also works with his arch enemy might be stupid and backs out. He next tries Kim’s, but backs out of that too, admitting to kim it’d be stupid and Kim lists off all the reasons (His lack of resume, the fact them working together would be stresful and his ountain of late fees) why that’d be stupid, but in a jovial way. For once i’ts clear that while she’s still taking the piss out of them she isn’t mad at Scott.

In fact she genuinely helps him get a job, taking him to Stephen’s work since hers is dead right now anyway, a vegan place.  While Scott naturally compares things to a job system as he’d start as dishwasher while Stephen taught him prep, Scott agrees to genuinely take this seriously and Stephen’s boss decides “eh why not” when he asks her to employ him. Scott is gainfully employed baby! God I miss that. Seriously i’m not pimping my patreon for shits and giggles. 

But as he celebrates and Kim wishes she could punch his life in the face, they run into some trouble on the way home: Katana man who slices a motherfucking bus in half and chases them, with Scott reluctnat to fight because he has a sword and Scott does not, which is valid. He does escape though using subspace. He and Kim part awkardly and he returns home to Wallace throwing a party with two intresting charcters, a woman and a man of color, one of the few in the entire work, who are never seen again. 

The next night is practice.. or rather recording, and we start to see Neil get edged out, with him unable to come due to exams and clearly not happy about it, and Stephen just kind of ignoring anything he cares about like the dickhead he is. It dosen’t get any better as “recording” ends up just being Scott, Ramona, and Ratfaced Knacker watching bored with Joseph and Stephen work. Eventaully Scott and Ramona decide to get out of there as things are getting tensed between thing one and thing bitch, and leave.. and take Julie with them for some reason. 

So the three have dinner with Lisa, Kim, and Jason before The Mummies Curse thankfully leaves. Jason thought they were friends. 

We also get this exchange. 

I mean.. she is the better option. She his THE option. But before we can get the obvious answer of 

Stephen comes in with Knives. He smuggled her in. This leads to problems when Scott returns from the bathroom to find Queen Bitch throwing a bitch fit about him having brought her and screechs at her when she dares to talk to him “How do you even know my name?” Well Ted Cruz, you see when someone is an actually thoughtful and likes other people, they keep track of things about them and don’t constnatly tear them down or assume their partneer is automatically bonking a 17 year old instead of you know, actually forming something of a friendship and not shutting her out sensing she needs this friend group. Some people are not vacous piles of vitriol who care about nothing but themself and seem to go off at the slightest thing. 

Scott takes Ramona home but finds a drunken barely awake wallace so no sexy times. Not that he could anyway as the next day is the meeting with Peter their landlord. 

Peter reveals they’ll have to clear out by the 27th as their lease was for one year and their paid up.. as in only the first and last month. The two part melacholy knowing this sucks and isn’t a great situation. Then it’s time for Scott to work work, angelica, work work, eliza and peggy. After grueling day, can relate, he runs into  a wisp on teh wend and steels himself for a fight.. okay he bitches about it being too hot but it’s Scott. so it’s expected. He does get a hit in on his mysterious persuer.. and that’s when we meet Roxy.

Via boob punch, something Scott’s not proud of but in his defense, as Roxy keeps complaning about it, he was blindly struggling for a hit and din’t know the next Ex, or any of them, were female.. not that Ramona didn’t suggest it loudly enough by empahsising “exes” but scott’s a bit of a fuckwit. She mentions “everyone allways remmebers you”.. which is kind of ominus and tells me she tried to hook back up with ramona despite her having a boyfriend and she rejected her. Still on good terms though. But this confusing encounter ends with Roxy vowing she’ll get him next time gadget, next time. 

So we get some assorted slice of life scenes with the band, lisa and what have you as Scott tries to get in touch with Ramona but she keeps avoiding him. THat’s not worrysome at all. And Lisa brings up high school while drunk and clearly hits on Scott. He sidesteps it with her drunkness.. but this clearly isn’t over or going to stop being a problem. 

Speaking of problems Wallace makes Scott confront the truth: He either needs to find a new place to live or commit to staying, though Wallace is trying to nudge him toward asking Ramona to move into her place. Scott starts thinking it over, it being very hard especially since, as Stephen points out this was his very first place of his own.. but Stephen also points out these things are temoporary.. right before Scott ducks from katana guy. 

At work Scott wonders who it could be, though it turns out Stephen’s met him before, as he’s brought his family in here. So he’s PROBABLY not one of the exes.. but it leaves the question why he wants to cut Scott in half like Dewey Cox’s brother. But it turns out he’s nto the only enemy Scott’s casually running into as Roxy is there too.. with Ramona. 

The two talk, clearly about Scott and Lisa with Roxy trying to convince her he’s cheating and Ramona rightfully trusting Scott: while he IS attracted to her, he’s been fighting it every step of the way. Scott storms over to find out what’s going on and while Ramona is more distracted by his new job, she eventually realizes Roxy did attack him and he simply dscribed her poorly when he mentioned the incident over the phone. Scott is confused as he dosen’t get it. Is she with one of the exes what? After some hiinting from both parties, and Roxy rightfully mocking him for not getting the obvious... he finallyg ets it in the grandest way possible. 

So Roxy gets ready to fight and Scott can’t because sword, and gets fired in the background as he hides in Ramona’s bag and Ramona prepares to step in. Roxy screams at her for trusting him and defending him when Ramona.. just dosen’t her boyfriend to be bisected by her ex. A fight insues and a damn cool one at that. I honestly wish the movie had taken more from this, but simply didn’t have time leading it to instead be more like the envy fight with a bit of the Winfried Hailey fight from Free Scott Pilgrim. 

Roxy chases her and Ramona rightly points out Scott can’t run forever but takes him into Subspace.. where Roxy heads them off, having “taught you everything you know bitch” leading to a cool fight in the wintery version of subspace. Again why THIS wasn’t used instead I have no real idea. We also find out she’s a half ninja but she eventually leaves afer Ramona presses that button.. but Rammy is actually apologetic about it and Roxy’s “I hope you and your 24 children are happy together comment” is telling. 

Upon this readthrough of the volume.. I realized Roxy is the most layered and intresting of the exes next to Gideon himself. None of them are out and out terrible, but most of them have pretty simple motives: to kill Scott, ???, profit. Or in Todd’s case to kill scott, bang around and be a dick. But Roxy.. genuinely wants Ramona back. She’s the ONLY one who does: Gideon kinda does, but only in the sense that he wants her for his collection. But Roxy geninely still loves her, admitting so during this fight. And it’s not like she has no chance: out of the 7 exes she’s the ONLY one who parted with Ramona on anything resembling good terms. While intrestingly we don’t find out WHY they broke up, Ramona didn’t cheat on her like she did everyone else she was with. The two have coffee and hang out and Ramona geninely dosen’t even consider until Roxy tries to attack Scott that she’d really try killing him and tries her best to talk her out of it. But what holds Roxy back is her anger: She’s so bitter about the fact Ramona is bi or pan, so dedicated to viewing Ramona’s very orintation as a betryal (though Ramona calling it a phase dosen’t help and the movie RIGHTLY has Roxie comment on it and fly into a rage over it), and so driven to make sure the woman she loves dosen’t get hurt again that it blinds her to the fact Ramona dosen’t love her the same way anymore, and that while Scott is objectively a dick, and a cheater, and a greasy buttcrack pooflap, he is not a terrible person. A meh one sure, but he’s got good to him. She’s so biophobic she simply can’t see he’s a harmless moron.. well harmless to Ramona even with the cheating. He’s killed two people at this point and will kill again. Also she apparently has issues with only being a half ninja but this is never adressed. Point is Roxy’s really grown on me and is now probably my faviorite ex.  

Scott and Ramona talk it over on their way to Sneaky Dees and Scott finally asks to move in and gets a yes. His response is downright adorable. 

So at Sneaky Dee’s Young Neil is just a bit absolutely irate with Scott.. which isn’t fair as them not playing things is entirely on the blocky face asshole. Yell at him.. which he does, pointing out that they haven’t played shows in forever, and that the lady who owns Sneaky Dees not only runs shows, in the upstairs space, but has been asking them to play. Kim is rightly curious about this and to both Stephen just keeps saying “We’re recording right now.” And some of you may of wondered why I hate him. Well while he’s not exctly stellar in the first half in the second Stephen becomes goddman insufferable, slowly destroying the band for his affair and not giving one iota of a shit what anyone else wants. He’s a selfish, egomanical cheating prick. And yes I get it their recording an album.. but doing live shows would give them extra practice, MONEY, even if likely not a lot and exposure for said album. I get professoinal bands stop touring for a bit to do an album but you are not a professional band, and said bands still often iron out the album on the road. God you suck.

But while Scott sidesteps this argument he walks into another where Ramona confronts him about lisa about liking her.. and he rightly says if there was anything, which there was not it’s in the past. And while yes he is a cheater, she does not know this yet. This plot honestly would’ve worked better if she learned about the knives thing sooner, but instead she just comes off as paranoid for listening to Roxy about something that isn’t happening. Yes Scott’s been shown to be attracted to her.. but he’s been ashamed of it, fighting it and in denial about it, and is clealry all in with Ramona. Being attracted to someone else on a phsyical level does NOT mean your relationship is doomed. 

Things get worse as he goes home to ruminate.. and instead sees a man’s Penis. And Wallace..is at his second most unsymapthetic, not letting Scott get a shirt or a bus pass or something like a decent human being for no goddamn reason. Usually when Wallace is a dick to Scott, Scott’s earned it and badly needs a slap in the face. Here he’s just being a prick because.. the plot needs him to? I dunno it dosen’t work for me. It’s in character, I just don’t have to like it. 

So with no other options.. Scott ends up at Lisa’s. And so we get the last temptation of Scott. Lisa admits, embarassed that she’s been wearing sexy dresses and what not specifically to attract him, with Scott also mentioning how things are rough, Lisa tries to fight it herself pointing out he’s with ramona.. and when Scott points out they didn’t do anything in the past Lisa points out they should’ve.. and maybe they should now. 

We fade to black as Scott ends up in a dream and finds Roxy, who naturally has the same skill and tries to Freddy Kruger him before he wakes. He finds Lisa but they didn’t do anything: Scott pushed her away and babbled about how much he loved Ramona instead. As i’ve said.... his heart was never with LIsa... and even when he was so close to giving in he couldn’t. It’s a tangible sign of growth: He screwed around on Knives with Ramona, and given how bad things were getting with Ramona, it would be oh so easy to once again ditch a relationship the minute he found something else and oh so understandable. But... he dosen’t. He loves Ramona even if he hasn’t said it, he wants to make this work, and he’s changed. She’s changed him. He’s not quite a good man yet.. bu he’s getting to be good enough. Love turned him from a skeezy dumbass into a far more loveable dumbass. Ramona’s gotten him to stop dating a teenager (even if again he cheated), face his past with envy to finally move on and now get a job. He’s realized just hwo much she means to his life and world and so he goes to tell her. 

Riggghtttt after going to get his job back and works a shift, with steven wanting to punch his life in the balls. Stephen shut the fuck up. Just because Scott is lucky and your stuck dating satan’s scrotum does not mean you get to punch his life int he balls. Kim does, because he’s put her through more shit but not you. 

He goes to second cup to talk to Stacey.. only to end up at the wrong one where Knives also now has a job... and we finally get an answer to who the mystery katana guy is...

Yup turns out wielding giant weapons in vengance runs in the family. As for how he knows about Scott her aunt mentioned her boyfriend, everyone freaked out and obviously while her mom was mentioned as knowing in volume 1, they did not tell her dad whose brain turned into an engine of vengance and defaced the shrine. While part of it is apparnetly racisim for Scott being white the fact is he clearly saw Scott’s photograph. The guy is 5 years older. I get him being protective. Still dosen’t justify cutting off his head. His balls maybe but not his head. 

And then Scott ran, once agian finding a subspace entracne.. and this time we see inside ramona’s head and well...

Yeah.. that’s.. kind of fucked, and Ramona isn’t happy scott saw that, though she backs down once Scott explains..a nd then gets upset over him staying at Lisa’s but before SCott can tell her he loves her it turns out Roxy stayed over. So yeah, Ramona might of cheated, she tells him to alk it off and he runs around in a psycadelic haze of emtoinal confusion. And meets.. someone new...

Scott snaps out of his funk and ignores his doppleganger heading back for Ramona... whose fighting Mr. Chau. Scott left the door to Ramona’s head open and he followed him through Subspace. Scott lures him into the house and away from her only to run into Roxy. This leads to both of his attackers fighting and her wondering if Gideons ent him “Why does no one ever belivie in me?!” 

She soon realize no i’ts just unrelated and calls Scotto ut on hiding behind not having a sword and behind her being a woman, caling it a flimsy excuse. I mean she’s tring to kil lhim. It’s okay to hit an enemy combatant. Scott realizes he has to stop running... and get real with ramona leading to a truly epic, romantic and heartfelt speech and given how far he’s come and just how heartfelt it is it’s a real sign of how deep he feels. Sure we’ve seen genuine chemstiry between the two.. but htis moment is a shit.. from a simple relationship.. into true love. 

I may of only had a few but Relationships are not easy, They take work, they take time, they take patience and theyt ake love.. but if your willing to work with someone, look past some flaws and help them with the rest.. then it’s worth it. And Scott has finally realized it and for the first time in a while is running TOWARDS something difficult, actually working on this relationship and talking with his partner instead of running finding someone else or wallowing. He’s truly grown up. While he still has miles to go.. he’s taken about 50 steps forward with this. And as such given the kind of unvierse we’re in, as Ramona is genuinely touched by it he levels up a glowing sword with a heart shaped hilt coming out of his chest.. and realizing what’s happening he pulls it out....

So Scott faces off with roxy and in an awesomly short battle, their sords clash.. and he bisects her. 

Scott then honestly talks down Mr Chau who leaves after a nod, and Ramona tells Scott she loves him two. The two make out and all is well.

One make out fades into another, as we cut to Scott moving in with Kim and Blockhead’s help. Well kinda they only had one box but they owed him one. He and wallace comiserate over the end of their time as roomies. They’ll always be friend but it’s truly the end of an era. Also Wallace gets off another bit of dickery as he’’s very glad it all worked out for scott...

 Now there’s the Wallace I know and love. Dickish but just the right loveable kind of douchebag with that swagger. 

Back at Knives house she’s apparenlty into somebody though who I have no idea, Mr Chau give sher his blessing and she.. apparenlty doesen’t know chinese. I dunno. As I said her subplot this go round was her weakest overall. 

And so we end with the whole gang gathered to see Lisa off. It’s a REALLY nice shot, and one of the only times Wallace is seen with the Sex Bomb omb side of the group. Oh sure he goes to their shows and what not, but generally their never in the same vincinity so while there’s no interaction I still find this neat. Seriously the whole main cast is there, it’s a really lovely shot

Also Jason and Hollie.. who are getting awfully chummy. Whu Oh. And of course Craphole and Mouth Face are as likeable as ever. 

So we jsut get a genuinely nice sene. Except Stephen and Julie reconciling. Fuck that. Please move on. And as everyone fondly wishes Lisa adeu and wish she stuck arond the res tof the series we end on Scott and Ramona snuggling, Scott asking her her birthday and finding out she’s 24, and they both will be come september. Scott wishes this moment could last. 

They probperly snuggle as the volume ends on a high. 

Final Thoughts:

Yeah.. Gets it Together is, on rexamination, DEFINTELY my faviorite of the 6. Besides personal value i’ts hte best contained story, contaning lots of character development, great character moments, jokes, and EASILY the best art so far, with goregouness and creativty abounding. 

There is a problem here or there: Stephen and Julie’s subplot feels underbaked, and not just because I hates them, and there are several scenes that don’t further plot or character stuff. Ther’es also stuff that could’ve been expanded on.. but given this is still a pretty meaty graphic novel, it’s understandable why it wasn’t.. though it is why I’d love a streaming series since while the movie is excellent, a full series could expand on stuff from the books more Brian simply didn’t have time for. Knives also didn’t get a lot to do. 

But their drowned out by tons of great decisions: Lisa was a wonderful additoin to the cast and I genuinely wish she’d stuck around, adding in some energy, blending well with the Sex Bomb Omb crowd, and having great dynamics with everyone and her arc with Scott is heartbreaking,knowing she can’t have him but wanting him anyway having never gottne proper closure on the man she’s always wanted. She’s a heartbreaking character and its nice to see her end in a decent place and on good terms with Scott, having let him go for both thier sakes. 

And while Lisa is a highlight everyone is on their a game here for the most part apart from knives, girl hitler, and captain dumbass: Scott grows signfigantly but is funny as hell, Wallace has an intresting arc trying to nudge Scott out without being overt about it, scared to really confront him, Kim is in a happy and serene place for once and it shows. The villians are also intresting: While Mr Chau is a tad underbaked, he’s sitll a cool imposing presence. I do think he shoudl’ve had more to do with the plot.. but is still just so freaking cool it papers over that and him just.. disappearing after this like poor Lisa. 

Roxy is far more intresting, having clearly more going on than we see and while I wish we’d got her backstory, she’s easily the most engaging of the exes, being the only one to actively compete with Scott (All her and ramona end up doing is making out a little it turned out), and have bigger stakes than just “The glasses wearing douche asked me to beat up my exes boyfriend and I was like alright. 

All in all Gets it Together is really magical, the series high point, and just damn fun and it was a pleasure to go through

Next Month on Scott Pilgrim: It all falls down as we take a look into what once was my least faviorite Album, vs the unvierse. Two perfect assholes try and murder scott with Robutts, his relationship and band crumble and things get sad so very very sad. 

Next on this blog: More LIlo and Stitch! The Proud Family come to Kauai and get into a fight with our heroes. Also wizard kelly... who if nothing else is now far more tolerable now i’ve had to spend another volume with the wicked bitch of the west. Touche universe touche. See you at the next rainbow. 

[poetrusicperry]

the poets and their fav marvel characters/movies !!!

ok honestly i have no idea if any of this makes sense lol but i hope it’s comprehendible. also i have not had the time or resources to watch any of the new mcu era, which is why i didn’t include any of it. and if you have any other ideas of which characters and movies the poets would like comment them bc i want to see what you guys think hehe !! <3 sending love and hugs to anyone who needs it (and anyone who doesn’t, too)

neil: neil adores comic books. he used to sneak them when he was younger, taking breaks from his summer school homework to read them (he has a stash in his room that his father still hasn’t found). there is no doubt in my mind that neil wouldn’t be head over heels for spiderman, are you kidding ?? most definitely tried to climb walls or hang upside down when he was little. desperately wishes he could come up with his own chemical equation for web fluid. he’d completely immerse himself in the fact that there are three different eras to depict and analyze, too, having a very heated debate with charlie and meeks about who the best spiderman is. also really wants to reenact the upside down kiss with todd

neil’s fav movies (he can’t pick a fav) would be: the og spiderman, the amazing spiderman, and spiderman: homecoming (likes spiderman: 3 purely for shits and gigs)

todd: i feel like todd really likes comics (would spend his summers collecting them and reading in his room while his parents took jeff to sports camps/summer camps). he’d love scarlet witch because todd really loves to see her character growth through the films (coming to understand her powers and utilizing them accordingly), and also just admires how badass she is (”she’s so powerful and she doesn’t even know it until she faces hardship. oh, i love her so much”). upon hearing this explanation, neil couldn’t contain a smile because todd doesn’t even realize that he’s the exact same way (’: todd also likes bucky because he’s “so cool” and his metal arm is “sick” hehe (and he really loves the bond that bucky and steve have)

todd’s fav movie would probably be captain america: tfa because he likes seeing young steve rogers of course, but also because todd admires his strength (sees himself in pre-serum steve and hopes that one day he will become his own version of post-serum steve (: ). also like avengers: aou bc that’s when he’s really first introduced to scarlet witch (watches the post-credit scene from captain america: tws just to see wanda and pietro)

charlie: charlie never really read comic books, but he loves the mcu !! first of all, charlie can’t decide anything ever, so why would picking his fav superhero be any different; peter quill, iron man, or black widow. he’d like peter quill because “he’s unapologetically himself and completely hilarious,” and would absolutely dress as starlord for halloween at least once (probably more than once). as for iron man, charlie just likes how cool tony stark is and how he invented a suit that could fly (”there are so many likable qualities about him !!” he’d say, to which cameron would reply, “like what, the fact that he’s a womanizer, a pompous ass, or that he’s seemingly too smart for his own good ?” and charlie would just smirk, “all of the above”). for black widow, it’d be pretty simple (“she’s so badass. i can’t tell if i want to do her or be her”). claims his honorary mentions would be korg, rocket, and groot

charlie’s fav movies are guardians of the galaxy vol. 1 and vol. 2 because they’re “fun.” likes thor: ragnarok because it also has fun vibes.

meeks: meeks LOVES comic books to begin with, and collects them avidly, but dr. strange and the entire idea surrounding his powers/strengths ?? the ability to bend time ?? if that doesn't sound right up meeks’ alley, idk what does. there are clearly a lot of things that meeks will geek out over unapologetically, but dr. strange is one of those things that he just will not shut up about, ever (”it’s just so AWESOME”). desperately wishes that sling rings were real. also gushes with todd about bucky’s metal arm, going off on a tangent about the science behind the “rigidity flexibility ratio.” can also go on for hours about the quantum realm (:

therefore, meeks’ favorite mcu film is dr. strange and he would be completely eager and buzzing for dr. strange in the multiverse of madness. also likes antman (:

pitts: also a comic book geek hehe. and i'm sensing that pitts really likes thor. thor is pretty much just a dorky, goofy tall dude (like pitts, just with... a lot bigger biceps LOL). finds a lot of the same things funny in the movies that thor laughs at. getting into thor gets him into norse mythology, where he’d spend hours searching for/reading books on it at the welton library (meeks would have to come find him because he’d been gone for that long). wishes he could grow facial hair that nicely, and even attempted to once, but charlie shut that down real quick HAHA (”i'm not going to stop making fun of how ridiculous you look until you shave”). becomes a huge einstein rosen bridge geek, learning all there is to learn about that (and norse everything).

pitts’ favorite movie is thor: ragnarok (”it’s the best out of the three”), and he really doesn’t enjoy thor: the dark world (almost has a vendetta against it, “why did they feel the need to dye his beard and his eyebrows ??”)

cameron: surprisingly knows a lot about comics and the mcu ? his fav character is captain america due to steve rogers’ unflinching morals and standards (cameron began to to veer a teeny tiny bit away from cap, though, when he began to rebel in captain america: civil war, but he still loves him). really likes the historical aspect behind captain america (wwii and the 1940s). he and pitts absolutely had a meltdown when steve lifted mjolnir and almost got kicked out of the movie theater for their reaction (”NO FUCKING WAY, NO FUCKING WAY !! I KNEW IT. PITTSIE, I KNEW IT !!” which is super uncharacteristic for cameron, but he doesn’t fuck around when it comes to cap). got in an actual argument with charlie after captain america: civil war arguing that tony was in the wrong (”steve was doing the right thing because he was following his moral code !! even if he was breaking rules, it still made sense,” and charlie would just laugh, “you say that, but i was just following my moral code when i made the phone call to god and you didn’t find that funny,” “you’re an idiot, charlie”). also really likes nebula bc he relates to her in the fact that she never felt like she belonged/fit in.

his father served in wwii, so captain america: tfa has a really special place in his heart (he’s seen it so many times he can cite the movie as it goes along)

knox: knox knows the least about superheroes/comics, but still likes to tag along to the movies when the poets go to a premiere. he really likes black widow (”she’s just really pretty, okay?”) and hulk (”he just smashes stuff, HAHA ! how awesome is that ??”). even though he’s not very knowledgable about the mcu or marvel itself, he loves to listen to meeks about everything. almost always asks questions throughout the entirety of the movie (”knox, shut up, we’ll explain after it’s over !!”). thanos really freaked him out tbh; the idea of something like the snap happening dialed his whole “carpe diem” thing to eleven lol. 

knox’s fav movie is the first avengers because the amount of conflict isn’t as bad as the other avengers movies (”i like seeing them work together, it makes me sad when they argue and disagree).

[chaifootsteps]

OKAY, SO, the first thing you've got to understand is that the bulk of this predated Stitch! The Movie and the series. We had 625, who's been around since the comics (and used to be green, hence our loving pet name for him, "the little aquamarine abomination"), but apart from that it was open season. 624 vacant OC slots just ripe for the taking.

The L&S fandom on fanfiction.net was incredibly small, incredibly close knit, and highly collaborative. Everyone made up their own OCs and nothing in canon contradicted it. Everybody knew everyone’s business and we borrowed/paid homage to/outright stole from each other on a regular basis.

Some major highlights that come to mind...

- The (lovely, encouraging) person responsible for the aquamarine abomination nickname always pictured 625 sounding like Owen Wilson, and so she named him Owen. When I started writing fics, I named him Ozzy, and from then on, you were either team Owen, team Ozzy, or one of the handful of people who called him something else.

- One guy had an OC called experiment 552, alias Kolobos (’mutilation’), who was gray and deformed, I think missing his eyes, and had hooks for hands. He was confined to a cage in Jumba’s lab, which didn’t stop him from invading people’s minds and driving them to acts of extreme body horror, and his headvoice was Pinhead from the Hellraiser series. This guy, for the record, wanted to be a priest and if prompted, would pull quotes from the Bible to explain why slavery was actually fine.

- The experiment I became best known for was designed to be the ultimate assassin (he sounded like Keifer Sutherland) and also had to be confined to a cage, but fell in love with a female experiment and ultimately got her pregnant. They tried to escape Jumba’s lab together, but only she made it out, and his second attempt to join her led to him being stranded on Earth, where he channeled his frustration and grief into killing 18th century prostitutes. Yes, really.

- 552′s owner started to write, but never published, a Freddy vs. Jason-style fic where both our experiments would square off and my experiment got his eyes sliced out and I was absolutely fucking over the moon that he did this and still kinda am, honestly.

- Eventually someone came along and liked both our fics so much that she helped herself to our characters, made a mate for 552, and wrote lots of stories about all of them and their kids living in soft, sugary bliss. This person quickly became one of my dearest friends, I flew down to visit her twice, and she’s since dropped off the face of the internet but I still adore her and the stuff we did could fill its own post.

- Did I mention like half of us were little budding queer kids sitting on a mountain of repressed shit?

- At least three of my Lilo and Stitch OCs’ designs were stolen from some obscure message board somewhere.

- There was this dude who wrote a fic about Lilo mentally becoming an adult and dating all these people, including his self-insert, and no, her body was not aged up accordingly. I remember he also dressed his teenage experiment fankids in clothes specifically because they lacked sufficient muscle control to hide their genitals.

- Somewhere in the mountains of old files from my old computers is a picture of a then-20 something year old German guy candling his ear, whose experiment was a sex worker whose possibly-intersex-velociraptor-alien boyfriend was killed but he found happiness with another experiment and they got an apartment together. He was probably one of the more technically proficient writers among us.

- We all put an inordinate amount of thought into Turian, the language Stitch speaks.

- We all collectively decided that baby experiments were called “pups.”

- The community stuck around even after the series (which was bad btw) started airing but honestly it was never quite the same.

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

Can you do a reddie secret admirer one shot? I’ve been starved for one and I love your work

“Gimme, let me see that,” Bev moved forward and ripped the note out of Eddie’s hands, bringing it up to her face to read what it said. “This is some adorable stuff, Eddie. Do you have any idea who it might be?” She passed the note back to him before leaning against Ben. All of the Losers were gathered in the clubhouse, hanging out post school to regenerate.

Eddie shook his head, “I really have no idea. I don’t know anyone who might be able to write nice notes like this and I also have no clue who would...put this much effort into something like this for me.” He shrugged, slipping the note back and forth between his fingers. “It’s probably a joke, anyway. One day they’ll reveal themselves and it’ll be this huge joke.”

It was that sentence that made Richie perk up from the hammock, the comic he was reading falling into his lap, “Woah, Eds. You don’t know that. This person might genuinely be into you. We can also collectively agree that it’s a guy? No girl would be able to write shit like that.”

“Exactly, that’s exactly why I know this whole thing is a huge joke!” Eddie snapped, whipping his head around to Richie. “The last thing I need is for you to start...making fun of me for this. Sometimes your jokes are well timed and appreciated and other times, like now, everyone would just prefer it if you kept your mouth shut.” Around him, the loser's jaws dropped but none of them said anything as Eddie grabbed his stuff and left the clubhouse, the note scrunched up in his hand.

He was halfway home when Eddie heard the familiar crunching of Richie’s shoes following behind him. Thanks to his long legs, Richie was able to catch up to Eddie quite quickly, which was annoying when he wanted nothing more than to get away from his friend. “Eds, hey, wait up!” He sounded out of breath, as though he had been running and that made Eddie turn around, his eyes narrow. “Thank you, jeez!”

“What do you want Richie? Can’t you take a hint that I want to be alone?” Eddie snapped, crossing his arms across his chest. “Go back to the clubhouse, I’m fine. I just want to be alone okay?” He hoped that would be enough to satisfy Richie and he’d turn around to head back, but he wasn’t in luck as Richie stayed put. “Look, I’m sorry I snapped at you, I’m just...I know this is a joke, but is it really stupid of me to want it to be real?”

Richie’s jaw dropped just a little and he ran his hand through his hair, “Eds, of course it’s not. I wasn’t making fun of you back there when I suggested it might not be a joke. I was serious. We’re not in middle school anymore, we’re High School seniors, people have grown up and you...you’re a catch Eds. Any guy would be lucky to have you on their arm.”

Eddie bit his lip, looking from the ground and back to Richie, who was still staring at him. “You really think whoever sent these could be...actually into me?” He asked, voice quiet and Richie was quick to nod his head in agreement. “Why wouldn’t they tell me who they are though?”

At that, Richie chuckled a little, “Uh, well there’s loads of reasons Eds. Maybe he’s a little scared that you won’t feel the same once you find out who it is? Maybe you guys are friends already and he doesn’t want to ruin anything. I mean, you are friends with more than just the losers now. You have all the guys on the track team, and the student council.”

“You think it might be someone on the track team?” Eddie asked, suddenly feeling a lot more nervous about the whole situation. The guys on the track team, minus Ben, were all somewhat popular at their High School. “I mean...wow,” he ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks, Richie, you really made me feel a whole lot better about this thing.”

Richie smiled and if Eddie was paying attention, he would have realised it wasn’t a proper Richie smile. “No problem Eds,” he winked. “Anything for my favourite Loser.” He turned to look back towards the clubhouse. “I left my bag and everything back there, so I’m going to go get it. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, taking a few steps back. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Richie.” He turned to head back, when he heard Richie call his name. He turned back around, a questioning expression on his face. “Yeah?”

Instead of saying anything, Richie just shook his head and waved Eddie away, “Nothing, see you later Eds.” He turned around and walked away. As he did, Eddie smiled at him, before he turned around, heading home.

* * * * *

“You gotta tell him, Rich,” Stan spoke from next to Richie as he rummaged through his locker. He had been putting secret admirer notes through Eddie’s locker for three months now, and every day he told Stan he would tell Eddie it was him. He never did, he always chickened out when he got even a little close. “If you don’t tell him, he’s really going to think it’s a game and you’ll lose your chance.”

Richie slammed his locker shut and rested his head against the metal, banging his head, “I know, fuck, I know. I just- what if he freaks out and I lose him? What if he laughs at me...or worse screams at me for making a joke out of him. It’s not a joke Stan, I love him!”

Stan raised an eyebrow and looked down to the note that was in Richie’s hand, “Don’t tell me you love him, you need to tell him that.” He looked up and over to where Eddie’s locker was, where he was talking to one of the guys on the track team. “I’d also be quick about it because to me, it looks like Danny is going to ask Eddie to prom.”

Eyes wide in panic, Richie whipped his head around to see that Danny was, in fact, talking to Eddie close and intimately. A feeling of jealousy, not that Richie would admit that, took over him and he grabbed his back, striding over to where his best friend was and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Morning Eds, what a beautiful day it is right?” He asked, before looking up at Danny who was looking awkward. “Oh, hey Danny.”

“Hey Richie,” Danny muttered. “Uh, sorry but Eddie and I were having a conversation, could we have a little privacy?” He asked and Richie scoffed, tightening his arm around Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie seemed to notice, as he looked up at him, frowning slightly.

“Anything you have to say to Eddie you can say to me, right Eds?” Richie asked, looking down at him to meet his curious gaze. Eddie frowned once more but nodded and turned back to Danny to hear what he had to say. “See? So ask away.”

Eddie sighed, “I’m sorry about him, you were about to say something, Danny? What’s up?” He was smiling now, as though he was waiting for Danny to say something life changing and the green eyed monster flared up in his stomach.

Danny glanced at Richie before he turned back to Eddie, “So I heard that you’ve been receiving notes in your locker from a secret admirer?” Richie froze up a little, but neither of them noticed as Eddie perked up. “Well, it’s me. I’m the one sending the notes and I was hoping I’d be able to take you out on Friday and if it all goes well, take you to Prom next week?”

The students in the hallway all stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to the three of them. Eddie’s eyes were wide and his cheeks red as he looked from his locker, to the note in his hand and then back to Danny. Richie, on the other hand, was frozen in shock. For the first time, he was lost for words. “I-” Eddie mumbled. “I guess?”

“Great, pick you up at seven?” Danny asked and Eddie weakly nodded his head, the happy look that was on his face now gone.

Just as Danny started to walk away, Eddie pulled out of Richie’s grasp to head to class and Richie finally found his words. “Wait, wait stop!” Richie yelled, making everyone turn their heads back to Richie; including Eddie and Danny. “No, no this is all wrong. Danny- you’re an asshole because you’re not the one sending Eddie those notes and the fact that you’d claim you were makes you even more of a douchebag.” A few whispers broke out in the hallway, but Richie wasn’t done. “Eds, Eddie. This- this isn’t how I wanted you to find out. I had a plan, I swear I did and it involved a lot more romance and a picnic and maybe roses.” He chuckled nervously and took a step closer to Eddie.

“What- what are you saying, Richie?” Eddie whispered, his eyes filled with tears. All Richie wanted to do was pull him into his arms and make everything okay again. God he wanted to punch Danny for being such a prick.

He took another step closer to Eddie, “It’s me,” he whispered. He pulled out the fresh note from his pocket and walked right up to Eddie with it, holding it out for the taking. “I’m your secret admirer. I’m the one who’s been sending you the notes and putting little gifts in your locker because, because I am so in love with you and I have done so for so long. I was just...scared to tell you because I didn’t want to lose you as my friend.”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he took the note from Richie, opening it up to read over the words; the words that Richie had been too scared to say out loud. Unknown to Stan and everyone else, Richie had in fact written his identity in that letter, finally believing it was time to come clean to Eddie.

Eds,

Fuck, you probably know it’s me now and this is letter number 15, I’m running out of paper so let’s just run with it. I love you. I love the way you laugh at all my jokes, I love the way you help me with the pranks without question. I love how much you just get me and I get you. I don’t know if you feel the same about me but god I hope you do. You’re amazing and you deserve the world, even if it isn’t with me.

If it is with me though, and you do feel the same, would you meet me on the field after school? I planned a little date for us, yes a date, so we can talk about all of this. It’s not a joke, I would never joke about this, not with you. I hope to see you there, Eddie Spaghetti.

Love, Richie

Letting out a breath, Eddie looked up from the letter with tears trailing down his cheeks. Richie was sure that Eddie was about to turn around and leave him, and his heart, in the dust. Yet, instead of walking away, Eddie pocketed the letter and took a step forward, pushing up on his toes as he wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck to bring their lips together.

The kiss wasn’t deep or dirty or anything like that. No, it was soft, sweet and absolutely perfect. Eddie’s lips tasted like the cherry chapstick his mother made him use and they were both smiling into it so much they couldn’t really deepen the kiss. Slowly, Eddie pulled back and sat back down on his heels. “I’ll see you on the field afterschool. Don’t be late.”

Richie grinned, running hand through his hair as he nodded his head, “See you after school. I definitely won’t be late.” As Eddie walked away, Richie broke into a wide grin, punching the air just a little before clearing his throat and heading to class. He had finally scored the guy.

* * * * * 

@bi-bi-richie @bovaque @derrylosers @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @girasol-eddie @halfway-happy353 @inthebreadbinwrites @isaacslaheys @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @lifesucksheres20bucks @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madidraw @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @njess04 @oldguybones @pink-psychic @purplepoisonedgem @rebecca-the-queen  @reddie-to-cryy @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster @richietoizer @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @spirited-marvel @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @violetreddie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead 

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 10 favorite things about TFS?

Bold of you to assume I can narrow it down to just 10 things, but I’ll try my best. 

Here’s a list of things I LOVE about The Final Season of TWDG, starting from #10 and working my way down to #1.

10. Rosie is best girl and doesn’t die 

Listen, okay? If you give me a game with a doggo companion that I bond with only to have said doggo die for dramatic effect... you automatically lose 2 outta 5 stars on your rating. Case in point: Season 2.

However, tfs knew not to kill Rosie off for dramatic effect, knew it’d be cheap. Plus, Rosie is a sweetheart and I love that she helps Clementine come to terms with her past trauma with dogs and genuinely bonds with her. Rosie is best girl. 

9. Over the shoulder camera/controls 

They’re the best of the series, having come a LONG way since S1. Like, look... Don’t get me wrong. S1 isn’t unplayable or anything, far from it, but they’re not the greatest either. They’re pretty wonky at times, the fixed camera can get annoying when you’re moving around, and sometimes button presses don’t register. It’s definitely something I have to get used to whenever I go back and replay the entire series, and like I said, it’s not the worst controls in the world... but oh man, compared to TFS?

Have you ever played S1 and then jumped straight into TFS just to get a direct comparison of the two? Because I have and it’s jarring how much smoother, accurate, and overall better everything is in TFS.

Just... props, guys. Thank you for the over-the-shoulder, movable camera, thank you for the polished button prompts, and thank you for a run button that has Clementine go into a nice jog rather than a comical run or, eh... does nothing [lookin’ at you ANF... Javi slow].

It’s just so effortless to play. The most trouble I ever have is with doors but that’s a given- Doors make no goddamn sense in this series and I’ve given up trying to learn their secrets. Oh, and speaking of more improvements! 

The shooting mechanic in this game is leaps better than in S1. Y’all remember the Motor-Inn shootout? The one that was such a frustrating pain in the ass?? So much death and anger...

I still die sometimes when shooting the walkers with the bow, especially the ones that are on fire, but it’s nothing compared to the shooting mechanic in S1, so the biggest THANK YOU for that one. It’s actually enjoyable to shoot stuff this time around.

8. Collectibles 

You as Clementine get to pick up various collectibles to decorate her and AJ’s dorm with and it’s great. One of my favorite bits about this game is seeing Clementine wake up in this empty, lifeless room, and see it get brighter and brighter with every collectible you place throughout the game until you reach the final scene with AJ where the room is just FULL of life and personality. Like... it’s officially theirs. It’s such a good feeling! 

And the devs totally didn’t have to add the collectible system in, but I’m so thankful they did. I’m one of those people who gets every single collectible every single time I play. 

7. Ericson’s Boarding School for Troubled Youth

Y’know, I honestly can’t think of a better place for Clementine and AJ to end up than Ericson’s Boarding School for Troubled Youth. It’s awesome, I love it, what a great idea. I also love the sense of wonder when we step outside for the first time and see the inside of Ericson, as well as the others, walking around. Like even Clementine is taken back by it.

Because of course it makes sense for Clementine to end up in a school surrounded by people closer to her age rather than with a group of dumbass adults like in the past three games.

Here it feels like they’re all about on the same level. There’s no older person here belittling Clementine because “she’s just a child and doesn’t get it,” they’re just people, y’know? Hell, if anything, Clementine’s now the most experienced one!

The school’s great! I wouldn’t change a thing about TFS taking place here. The environments are beautiful and I love exploring the world. 

6. Marlon as an antagonistic character/final confrontation 

I have an entire Marlon character discussion/study so I won’t put too much time into this one, but I will say that I love Marlon’s part in tfs. I love him as a surprise antagonistic character, I love how chill he is in the beginning, I love the final confrontation at the end of ep1... I just really like Marlon, y’know?

Ray Chase gives a damn near perfect performance as Marlon, so much so that I wish he survived past ep1 just so that I could hear more of his acting. Marlon himself in an interesting look at a leader character hiding his shame and guilt while trying to maintain control over everyone [including himself] around him, only to be broken down when he’s found out. 

5. James 

I know people tend to be pretty split on James, but I personally really like his role in tfs. I love that they included a character who was apart of the Whisperers, and hell, if anything I’d like to know MORE about James’ past with them. 

I just find him and his whole “walkers are sort of people? kinda?” beliefs. Again, I know some people get annoyed with him because of his beliefs but I think he adds an interesting spin on the whole thing, y’know? Though I do love what a bitch he is if you don’t agree with him hahaha

James is a bitch and I love him, okay? I love his dumb walker mask, I love his dumb boyband hair, I love his whispery voice, and I love his backstory with the Whisperers and Charlie. I love this he’s trying so hard to be this pacifist that he ends up doing the literal thing he said he doesn’t want to do-- hurt people. Y’know... like attempting to kidnap AJ and threatening to break Clementine’s leg in the caves if he’s alive. 

Which, by the way, that whole cave scene is a thing. It’s wild and I love it but not for the reasons the devs probably wanted. Like... it’s a little hilarious? I know it’s not supposed to be! But I can’t take James seriously when he’s walkin’ around his hands on his hips all huffy and puffy, okay? It’s just wild. 

Anyway, I love James and wouldn’t get rid of him. Hell, I’m still waiting for my James with the Whisperers mini-series, Skybound. 

4. Ericson Crew

There isn’t a single character from Ericson that I don’t like, or that I’d get rid of, which is rare with these games. Thinking back to the previous games, there’s always at least one person I could do without or that I didn’t like. I adore all of them!

The Ericson crew just feels closer than previous groups. For starters, they’re way more likable than most in our previous groups. Even when there’s tension [and boy is there tension at points] you still get the sense that they don’t hate each other, unlike in our previous groups. They do in fact love each other as a family and will do what they can to protect one another.

Plus, they’re all interesting. They’re troubled youth and I love all of them! 

Aasim keeps a daily journal where he chronicles everything in hopes of learning from past mistakes to prevent future ones, he’s damn good with a bow, and he’s got a neat little soul patch on his chin.  

Ruby is the tiny yet fiery medic of the group who adamantly believes in manners yet used to chase teachers around with pitchforks. 

Brody is caught up in the twin mess with Marlon but she’s also shown to want an escape, a road trip where she and her friends can go see the beach, but she also suffers with anxiety and panic attacks and isn’t afraid to knock Marlon on his ass or swear at Clementine. 

Mitch is a grumpy, tall boy who looks after Willy like a brother, knows how to make bombs out of manure and propane, and used to fight his neighbors because they didn’t like his face. 

Omar is a sassy chef who has to have every ingredient just right otherwise he’s salty for a week and he can take a bullet to the leg like a champ. 

Willy’s a goober who can climb trees like you wouldn’t believe and he made a bomb of his own in Mitch’s honor that completely wrecked the delta’s ship. 

Tenn is a soft, naïve boy who draws and reads but isn’t afraid to stab a walker bitch if he has to. 

Violet was sent to the school after witnessing her grandmother’s dead, she used to date Minerva who is now “dead,” has abandonment issues,  tries to give off the appearance of a grumpy grump but like once she’s comfortable with you she’ll tell you her life story and do romantic shit like dancing and painting you a pin. 

Louis was sent to Ericson because he was a rich brat who broke up his parents marriage because they wouldn’t let him take singing lessons and has felt like garbage ever since, using humor to cope and push people away, and keeps the façade on until someone’s willing to see past it in which he’ll finally bare his soul to you, name a song he wrote after you, and do everything in his power to keep you and everyone else safe over himself. 

I just... Love ‘em all. 

3. Clementine and AJ’s dynamic 

To think that they almost killed AJ off, or kept him a minor character. That would’ve been a shame and an absolute waste because Clementine and AJ’s dynamic is super fucking good in tfs. 

It’s actually a little baffling that AJ’s as good as he is, from his writing to his voice acting, he’s just great. And his relationship with Clementine is definitely one of my favorites to come from this game. It’s not perfect, but I don’t want perfect. 

I love that AJ looks to Clem for guidance and I love the way our choices affect him, even when it’s a case of the bridge scene. Hate the bridge scene knowing that I gotta sacrifice a character I care about for another I love, but I can’t deny that I love how that choice is made. After everything, do you trust AJ or not? 

Plus, their conversations are so well done, their chemistry is through the roof, and I wouldn’t change it. 

Oh, and the barn scene? Gets me every time, even though I already know everything’s fine and gonna work out. Still gets me. 

2. Clementine is Bisexual

I’ve talked about this in the past, but lemme just say that I love the fact that Clementine is canonically bisexual. 

Doesn’t matter if you’re dating Louis, Violet, or no one, Clementine is still bisexual. The game confirms it through it’s text/subtext and Clementine’s actions that we don’t have control over, and the devs confirmed it. She ain’t straight, she ain’t a lesbian, she is bisexual. 

I can’t express how happy that makes me. Just... 💗💜💙

And with her being bisexual comes her two great love interests: Louis and Violet. They’re amazing, and such an improvement over the previous game’s attempt at love interests... ahem, y’know... Kate.

1. Louis as a character/his relationship with Clementine 

I mean... c’mon. Y’all knew what #1 was gonna be. Do I even need to explain? This entire blog is just me gushing about Louis/clouis. 

Look, Louis is my favorite non-playable character across the entire series. Hell, even when you factor in playable characters, he’s STILL my absolute favorite. Like, even outside of his relationship with Clementine, I find him to be such a compelling character by himself. 

Like I mentioned above, he came from a stupid rich family who gave him everything he ever wanted, but when his father wouldn’t let him take singing lessons, he literally worked for over a year to break up his parents marriage because “you get to be happy or you get to be rich, can’t be both.” 

He gets sent to Ericson where the apocalypse happens, he never gets to make up with his parents, and he ends up using jokes and piano as a coping mechanism to deal with everything, falls into a cycle of being unreliable and the butt of the joke, and lives one day at a time without much thought for the future. 

He puts on the happy jokester persona to push people away from knowing the real him and rarely shares much about himself. Hell, when Clementine does hunting and decides to take care of the walker with him, he actually does let down the wall for a minute to share his view on “this moment” before looking away like “Oof, shared too much-- HEY, GO CHECK ON AASIM :D I’LL BE OVER HERE :D FIXING THE TRAP :D and adjusting the wall ahem--” 

It’s so interesting because you’d think that he’d be more open about his past with Marlon or the twins or whatever [like Violet is] but no, he doesn’t tell you shit about his past until EPISODE 3 and you have to work to get that story. 

I just... I just love him. Could talk about and analyze his character for hours. And I love his relationship with Clementine. It’s just so good. The piano scene where they finally admit their feelings for one another?? That shit has my entire heart. Their entire relationship is my favorite. What else is there to say? 

[des-draws]

1-A autistic hcs!

Alright it’s already past midnight here but. I’m still posting this.

Back in my 1-A pride hcs post I also mentioned my autistic hcs, and said I might elaborate on them in April. But because I am a master of procrastination, of course I left it for last minute. 

But either way, here you go; over 3k of projection and infodumping. I’m gonna leave an AO3 link in the replies if it’s easier for you to read there.

(general tw for some mentions of ableism, and specifically tw for ableism/child abuse/ende*vor in the very first bulletpoint)

Todoroki

Ende*vor absolutely refused to believe that there could be something “wrong” with the one supposed to surpass All Might, and so he ignored any and all traits Todoroki would show, punished him for the ones he couldn’t ignore, and chalked up the meltdowns he caused him to Todoroki being a brat.

As such, Todoroki spent a lot of his life masking and hiding and suppressing himself.

Thankfully, much like with everything else, after moving to the dorms he’s starting to unlearn all that internalized shit and instead accept himself for who he is- including indulging in suppressed stims, special interests and other autistic behaviours in a safe, accepting environment. 

He’s found that cold soba is apparently a samefood for him- he knew he liked it enough to eat it all the time without getting bored of it (not that he actually does, since with their hero training a balanced, diverse diet is important), but he didn’t know there was a word for that.

Monotone voice and trouble with facial expressions, you know how it goes. He actually tries to use the “correct” tone and make the “correct” expression, if only so that the people he’s supposed to protect don’t think of him as “aloof”, but he gets easily tired of going back to the masking. He cares, he cares so much, this is just not one of the ways of showing it that comes to him naturally.

Can people please stop talking in metaphors and idioms around him and expect him to know the translation to everything. Thank you.

He’s reluctantly letting himself indulge in his recently discovered special interest on a certain manga series; he’s been buying the volumes, and at some point Sero found him reading one and they started bonding over it. Now Todoroki goes to Sero when he feels like infodumping- though, he has to be careful not to spoil anything. Sero is a way behind since he doesn’t go through the volumes like someone’s chasing him. He has, however, helped Todoroki make a blog where he can infodump about it, spoilers and all. He’s quickly becoming “fandom famous”, Sero says- and even though Todoroki’s not sure what that means yet, he’s very happy to see others as into the series as he is.

Iida gives him stim and fidget toys all the time- Todoroki is reluctant to keep them as the other says, since he could buy them himself, but Iida insists. Todoroki especially likes the tangles. He’s building himself quite the collection.

He’s also invested in some high-quality sound-cancelling headphones. Long overdue, but better late than never.

Favorite stim: TBA, although clenching his fists around his thumbs is something he’s always done- even before he had a name for it, or knew why it was so comforting. 

Midoriya

His special interests are Quirks and All Might (the Hero Persona™ rather then the person)! He can infodump about different quirks and theories on how to use them and “what if x quirk exists how would that work” for hours. He’s spent entire evenings arguing on forums about which of All Might’s hero outfits was most efficient and useful for what was needed. Inko, on more than one occasion, had to lure him out of his room with the promise of a rare comic book so he would eat something.

On that same vein, he is appalled by some of his classmates’ hero costumes. He’s too polite to be that crass about it out loud, but in his brain he’s always going “what in the everloving fuck is this???? Who let a teenager go into battle naked???? Did she just go ‘oh yea give me a pair of gloves and boots and I’m set’ and they let her??? Who agreed to this?? Nothing tracking her vitals, nothing keeping her warm in fucking December????? This is just irresponsible”

So you can imagine the rants he goes into when one of them does ask him for advice on how to update their costume.

He likes visual stims a lot- you know that thing where you shut your eyes and wave a bright phone screen in front of them? He loves that

Having trouble emotionally regulating means lots of crying. Not a bad thing, just. A thing. That a lot of people don’t expect when they first meet him.

Inko has always tried her best to accommodate him, but there’s only so much to do when they’re just getting by. He’s very understanding though. She gets into making DIY stim toys for him, and as he grows up he joins in and it’s a very pleasant pastime for the two of them (to the point that he’d rather keep them as mementos of the time spent together than use them for stimming).

Favorite stim: Hand-flapping and back-and-forth rocking!! Classic and good!

Iida

No volume control we die like men (he’s trying to work on it but a lot of the time he’s louder than he realizes. His friends never fault him for it tough.)

Always loved putting his toys in a line- lines are neat! Don’t you see how tidy everything looks now? This is fun! Unfortunately, kids his age didn’t have the same opinion and just chalked it up to him being a “neat freak”.

The kind to separate his food into sections. He had to get used to eating with company in school, since no one wanted to sit with him during lunchtime before, lest they be subjected to his “bizarre eating habits”.

His family is, thankfully, very supportive and accommodating. They were a little worried when he moved into the dorms, but he reassured them that his classmates are just as accepting and understanding. And besides, he’s not the only “out” neurodivergent kid around anymore!

Has copied the language habits of his parents around Important Customers and never stopped. No one in his family talks quite as formally as he does in casual settings, but hey, better to be too formal than too informal and be considered rude, right?

Owns quite the collection of stim toys. Cubes, squishies, tangles, slime, kinetic sand- you name it, he has it! It’s not so much for himself, since he has a few favorites and sticks to them, but keeps the rest more so for anyone else that might need them.

He’s partial to the fidget pen- he likes fidget cubes too, but they’re usually a little small for his hands and harder to work with.

Doesn’t use memes quite right, but is always eager to learn where they originated from. Kaminari (always good-heartedly) never misses an opportunity to explain them to him, and gets so proud when one of Iida’s attempts lands.

He was kind of worried he’d look out of place on stage in the Cultural Festival, but with his friends reassuring him it’s alright, not only did he go out there, but had lots of fun as well!

Very routine focused. He loses half an hour of sleep and he’s already thinking about re-structuring his entire schedule.

Orange juice is a samefood. That boy need his orang juice

Special interest in the mechanics that go into hero costumes and quirk-assisting gadgets. It’s why he was so eager to accept help from Hatsume during the sports festival (he has mixed feelings about this one), and he’s sure they would work well together if only she stopped trying to make him a test subject.

It’s also something he and Midoriya can spend hours going back and forth about. Iida doesn’t usually lose track of time, but he can’t help it when such an interesting conversation is happening!

Screw “quiet hands”. In this house we wave our hands around intensely enough to almost smack someone (“but not actually smack them!! Always be aware of your surroundings!!”)

Favorite stim: Believe it or not, running! The wind resistance, the stomp of his feet, is all Very Good!!

Kirishima

He used to chew stuff a lot- first as a way to get used to his new, sharper teeth, and then because he just liked how very stimmy it is! But he’d also chew stuff that’s not really supposed to be put your mouth so his moms helped him find healthier stim alternatives, since actual chewelry were either a) not stimmy enough, b) wrong texture or c) destroyed too quickly and he’d just go back to chewing unhealthy stuff.

Since he’s grown enough to not go through chewelry at a breakneck pace, he keeps a couple at hand for when he’s studying- helps him focus! He was kinda embarrassed to bring one to his and Bakugou’s study sessions at first, but after Bakugou admitted that he’s also autistic he started keeping one on his person during them- assuring the other that he’s taking proper care of washing it and everything.

He used to bite on his hands as well- still does when he's under extreme stress (imagine summer camp/AFO showing up at Kamino levels of stress) even though he's grown out of it for the most part.

Hyper-Empathy Station. Makes him good with people (and animals) but leaves him exhausted more often than not.

“Hey don’t you get tired of sticking your hair up like that every d-” “It’s routine bro you can’t just quit it that would be chaos”

Whether he wears it up or not, his hair always seems to be a very good tactile stim, both for him and, surprisingly, Bakugou. When it’s up, the pointy spikes are very satisfying to run one’s hands over, just rough enough to slightly scratch the palm, but just light enough to not completely bring them down. When it’s down, Bakugou doesn’t miss an opportunity to touch it, which works for Kirishima too, since having people run their fingers through his hair is very relaxing to him.

He Cannot handle kinetic sand and most slimes. It either feels grainy and dry or too wet and sticky. The crunchy sound sand makes when it’s cut is like nails on a chalkboard in his head. It’s just not for him.

Gullible. Please be nice to him he just wants to believe in the good in everyone

Special interest on Crimson Riot!! I mean, come on; basing his hero persona on him, naming himself after him? Turning to interviews of his in moments of doubt and uncertainty, finding comfort in media about him? Yeah

Has a couple Comfort Sweaters™ and a single comfort plushie- a shark one, the first gift his Ma got him when she met his mom. It’s been patched and stitched up dozens of times, and barely holds itself together, which is why he never takes it out of its safe place in the closet unless he’s seriously in need for some comfort and has already exhausted all other options.

Bro, We Are Autistic . Its Ok To Stim Around Me . Im Ur Best Friend . I Love You . ... Bro, We Are Infodump ing Now . . No Dont Stop Bro .. Bro ...

Favorite stim: Bumping his hardened fists together!! Sometimes he’ll simply rub his hardened knuckles back and forth together- it’s more discreet, and while not as satisfactory, still good for emotional regulation.

Bakugou

Branded a problem child early on, Bakugou had the majority of his meltdowns called “tantrums” instead. So he decided that if everyone treats him like a brat, he might as well be one.

Even before he started losing his hearing, he had some auditory processing issues- which is why he hates hates hates when Midoriya mutters (and similarly, why he didn’t immediately turn his back to Kirishima- the guy talks loud and clear like 95% of the time. Bakugou can appreciate that, even if he won’t say it).

Face blindness is inconvenient as all hell, which is why he gives people ridiculous nicknames: connecting names to faces is difficult enough, and at the beginning he doesn’t really care to try and memorize them anyway, so he just finds a prominent characteristic to remember each of them by. 

[Insert Smart Guy Meme] “You can’t be deceived by fake politeness and sarcastic compliments if you react aggressively to everything people say to you”

Loves his routine and having everything planned. If you drag him into something out of nowhere and disrupt his schedule he will be mad at you for a week minimum (something his friends found out the hard way)

Prolonged human interaction is absolutely exhausting, more than any quirk training exercise, and he gets cranky at the speed of light when he reaches his limit. As time goes on he does find a few people (first Kirishima and then progressively the rest of the Bakusquad) that aren’t as exhausting for him to be around for longer and longer. He still needs his alone time, but now he knows that he can recharge around them as well, if he feels like having company.

Drumming is Very Good stim-wise. So is spicy food, which is why he likes it so much.

Pressure stims are The Worst for him- weighted blankets, tight vests, anything at all that might constrict him in any way? He Will react like cats do to cucumbers. The only exception is that once in a while, when he’s exhausted but can’t seem to ground himself enough to drift off, he’ll ask Kirishima to just. Lie on him, also like cats do, just until he falls asleep.

This is a No Socks Zone. These foot prisons are absolute sensory hell, and with how sweaty he gets it’s only made worse. 

How Can People Talk About Emotions While Simultaneously Looking Each Other In The Eye This Feels Disgusting I Will Blow Something Up: an autobiography

Favorite stim: Tiny explosions popping in his palms. Sure, grand light shows are fine and all but small ones, just big enough to feel through the roughed-up skin of his palms have a certain calming effect. Sucks that people immediately jump to assuming he’s threatening them when he’s just trying to cool down.

Tsuyu

Very blunt. She doesn’t mean to be rude, but sometimes it comes across like it when she’s only trying to be honest and offer advice.

Raptor hands 24/7. what an icon

Has trouble with physical contact in the sense that she’s??? not really sure how to do it??? She offers hugs and hands to hold left and right but it always feels like she’s just. doing it. Like how one would tie a loose shoelace or button up a shirt. It’s not like she hates it, but her nonchalance when someone does hug her makes people assume she’s being cold- which is not the case at all! She’s just offering comfort in a way she knows other people will understand even if it’s not really doing much for her.

Jelly is a samefood! She likes sour apple jelly the best 

Kind of a black-and-white mind. She’s working on seeing the world in shades of grey though, since she saw how her Absolute thinking can impact her friends.

Low/no empathy. She hates that to some people’s eyes that automatically makes her a bad person. Kindness is a choice, one that she doesn’t need empathy to make every day.

Favorite stim: Her near constant kero-kero-ing is very much a vocal stim, as well as echolalia!

Yaomomo

Makes her own stim toys using DIYs rather than her quirk, and is very eager to make any personalized ones for her friends! 

She also likes experimenting with what kinds of textures she can make using her quirk.

Has a semi-popular account where she uploads videos of her playing with slime and kinetic sand regularly.

Much like Iida, she adopted the more formal ways of speaking from her parents and house staff and has trouble toning it down (not that anyone faults her for it).

Very picky about who touches her. She genuinely does not want to come off as the Snobbish Rich Girl but sometimes when someone touches her with no warning or consent she feels like crawling out of her skin 

In the exact same vein, she was extremely hesitant to admit that the futons at the training camp drove her up the wall with that hellish texture. She didn’t want to be the nitpicky one and make a new one using her quirk, either. If anything good came out of the disaster that was the training camp, it was that she didn’t have to sleep on it another night, she thinks (and then feels terrible about it).

Her special interest is tea! Like, actual tea that you drink. Just look at how she lights up when she gets an opportunity to talk about it, or make some for others!! It’s also a samefood for her- she tries to be diverse, but there are a couple with juuust the right combination of smell and taste that she will always go back to.

Sometimes she won’t even drink any- just the process of making it is extremely comforting.

Favorite stim: Double-sided sequins! Tactile-visual stim combo!

Koda

Largely nonverbal. Talking to people is too stressful 99% of the time. Animals are way better listeners anyway.

No volume control we die like men part 2 (but it’s the complete opposite from Iida, in that he can never seem to raise his voice enough)

Likes his peace and quiet, and can easily go into sensory overload if one too many sounds are happening at once. He wants to invest in some headgear for his hero costume that helps him tune out distracting sounds so he can focus on matters at hand while still being able to hear and help those in need.

A plushie hoarder if I ever saw one. His room is the Ultimate Comfort Corner. 

Favorite stim: Humming to himself. Reluctant to do it in the presence of others, but increasingly comfortable around friends.

Aizawa 

Samefoods with those juice pouches he always keeps around

Permanently exhausted due to having to interact with people

Talks in a monotone and has trouble making expressions

His sleeping bag is very good pressure stim. It’s also very hard for him to replace it, because it has to be Just Right, so by the time he does find one that is Just Right, the old one is practically falling apart.

The only reason he’ll sleep in a bed is if Mic is there to share it with him. Otherwise it’s too cold and exposed and weighted blankets can only do so much.

He kinda misses the time before he got top surgery for the sole reason that binders offered a very comforting pressure stim. However, he acknowledges that it’s for the best he got it, since a lot of the time he’d bind for longer than it’s safe. He was lucky to still have the option of getting surgery.

(this has been a safe binding psa, please don’t do what he did)

He does however, tend to wear a tight, though still breathable undershirt at near all times. 

As much as he complains about Mic’s mustache, he actually likes it. He tried to kiss Mic once when he shaved it for the first time in forever and instantly went “yea no. This isn’t working. Feels wrong and bad, Put It Back™”. Didn’t kiss him again until it grew back.

Everything Happens So Much

He talks back to cats. Like, actually meows back at them. Very good echolalia, makes Mic’s day to walk into a scene like this

Favorite stim: Petting cats! The fur of different breeds offers a variety in texture and when they start purring a very good auditory stim is added to the mix! And when they sit on him and add a pressure stim? Cats are the whole package!!

That’s all (for now?) Thanks for reading!! Hope you had a nice Autism Acceptance Month!!!

[sevenclowds]

In Which I Have a Rambling But Hopefully Informative Talk About These Symbols

There has been speculation that the new MCR symbols are magickal in nature and that this new era, if indeed there is one, could have mystical themes (I personally would like to see them bring out an alter ego band called Alchemical Romance but that’s probably too much to ask). 

We certainly know Gerard has been getting into Magick lately:

In the recent Carry the Fire Podcast with Thrice’s Dustin Kensrue, Gerard  talks about how he’s been reading up on high magick, chaos magick, and witchcraft.

Also in the above podcast, Gerard talks about having taken “Magick lessons” from his friend and fellow graphic novelist, Grant Morrison. (More on Morrison later.)

Gerard has written a song about witches, about which he had this to say: “2018 was a dark year full of black magic in my opinion, so it got me thinking about witches again. I was inspired to buy this mask [witch mask] because I had just written a song called I Am The Hag, which I haven’t finished yet. It’s kind of heavy. Maybe I’ll release it in 2019.”

A guide to witchcraft, Besom, Stang & Sword, is in the book collection at his house.

He has often talked on social media about magick, meditation (as a means to access magick), and crystals.

The symbols seem pretty magickal in nature

There seem to be some magickal vibes surrounding these symbols, even in the way they are drawn, with simple black and white lines.

If you look up alchemical symbolism, some of the symbols are depicted and have specific meanings:

So here the Candle represents a spell, the Droplet stands for purification, and the Light Rays could be sunset.

Also, something has been bugging me about this hand symbol:

It’s those drippy bits at the bottom, as if it’s a severed hand. And then it struck me that this could represent a Hand of Glory.

Hand of Glory Theory

A Hand of Glory is a magical tool used to immobilize one’s enemies. It is also known to unlock doors, portals, etc. It’s made from the severed hand of a hanged man, and together with a candle (ooh! another connection maybe?) made from the fat of the hanged man, they form a rather macabre candlestick arrangement. When lit, the Hand of Glory “would render motionless all persons to whom it was presented” and could only be put out with milk. 

Note also, the word that goes with the hand symbol is “Sacrifice” which certainly fits this theory nicely.

Here’s an image I found which seems to depict a Hand of Glory, and it also contains all the elements of the four new symbols MCR has provided so far: Candle, Droplet, Hand, Light Rays:

Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMM!!!

Further research into the Hand of Glory reveals that none other than Grant Morrison (who, if you remember, has been teaching Gerard about Magick), incorporated a Hand of Glory into his series, The Invisibles. Morrison has been practicing magick for many years, and in particular, something called Sigil Magick, or the magic of symbols. He considers The Invisibles to be a hypersigil. From Wikipedia: “Grant Morrison coined the term hypersigil to refer to an extended work of art with magical meaning and willpower, created using adapted processes of sigilization. His comic book series The Invisibles was intended as such a hypersigil.”

There’s even a video on youtube of Morrison talking about Sigil Magick and its power.

Therefore, it’s not only possible, but absolutely probable that Gerard is aware of sigil magick and the Hand of Glory, given that his friend and mentor has included them in his work.

More about sigils

Sigils are symbols used in magick. At the risk of getting slightly off track here, I wanted to talk more about sigils because symbolism is obviously very important to Gerard, and as we’ll see in a minute, Frank also (a man can’t have that many tattoos without being a fan of symbols).

Sigils can be anything, but a common way to make one (as outlined in Morrison’s video above) is to take a word or phrase, remove the vowels and repeated letters, then arrange them into one symbol, apply some artistic flair to make it look more “magical”, and voila! you have yourself a sigil.

Frank’s No Fun Club sigil tattoo

Did you know Frank has a No Fun Club sigil tattooed on the inside elbow of his right arm? Neither did I until my friends and I met him after a FIATFV show in May. I can’t remember why exactly, but he rolled up his sleeve to show it to us (it’s that nordic-rune-looking thing above the spider). I distinctly remember him using the word “sigil” to describe it (although at the time, I didn’t know what the word meant exactly). He said it symbolized No Fun Club, which if you apply the rules above for creating a sigil, would need to incorporate the letters N F C L B. I can definitely see these letters in the design.

Let’s not forget that Frank’s logo/symbol that he created for himself is also a form of sigil...

So what have we learned?

Both Gerard and Frank are fans of magickal symbols.

The four new symbols seem to have magickal significance.

The Hand of Glory may be involved somewhere.

I can ramble on about this stuff forever.

I can’t fucking wait to see what happens next.

[duhragonball]

Battle Tendency Liveblog: JJBA Ch. 52-57

This is the first half of the Santana arc.   I had planned to cover the whole arc in one post, but it’s kind of long and a lot of crazy visuals are involved, and I noticed Tumblr’s experimental post editor only lets you do ten images in a post.   I have the Beta turned off for now, but they could implement the thing at any time, so maybe I should get used to working around that limit.   

So I blew my first image on this cool shot of Joseph Joestar cruising around the deserts of Mexico on a sweet motorcycle.   I also wanted to include the following pages where he stops at a town and accidentally drinks water out of a horse trough, but if I did that, I’d just be reposting the entire comic.  So please appreciate my restraint.  

Wait, how do you accidentally drink out of a horse trough?   Joseph marches up to thing all large and in charge, but it’s not until he sees the horse next to him that he realizes what he’s done wrong.   The joke is that he looks all majestic until he does something extra goofy, but I never stopped to consider how ridiculous that really is.   How do you see such a thing and think it’s for people?  Like, he just assumed they leave out a big open trough of water for weary travelers to drink out of.    That’s stupid, Joseph.   Those Mexicans were right to laugh at you, and you were kind of jerk using Hamon to threaten them into bringing you provisions.

Joseph’s in Mexico because Straizo told him that there was a spooky “Pillar Man” there, which Speedwagon had discovered before Straizo killed him.    So Joseph wants to investigate, but what he doesn’t know is that Speedwagon survived.   Straizo was so afraid of the Pillar Man that he got in a hurry to leave and dumped his victims in a river, but Speedwagon wasn’t dead yet, and then he was fished out of the water by Nazis.  

What are Nazis doing in Mexico, you ask?   Well, we’ll get to that, but what’s important right now is that they have an “information base” set up not far from where Speedwagon discovered he Pillar Man’s temple, and the commanding officer, Lt. Stroheim, is extremely interested in the Pillar Man.   When Speedwagon comes to, he’s horrified to learn that the Nazis have removed the Pillar Man from the temple, and are planning to conduct experiments on it.  

In preparation for these experiments, Stroheim wants a volunteer from his collection of prisoners.   He demands that the prisoners choose one of their own to die for this experiment, and one brave lad heroically offers himself.    Stroheim is impressed by this, and orders everyone else to be killed, except this one brave kid.   So yeah, Stroheim is one sick fuck.   That gets played down as the story progresses, but it’s never not true.  

So, the Speedwagon Foundation discovered the Pillar Man, and while he looks like a stone sculpture carved into the column, he’s actually alive, in some sort of suspended animation.   When Straizo killed all those guys, he found that the blood of his victims was being absorbed into the Pillar, feeding the Pillar Man inside.    Now Stroheim has learned all of this, either through reading Speedwagon’s notes or by interrogating Speedwagon with truth serum, or perhaps through other experiments.  So he used all of those prisoners to provide blood to the Pillar Man and wake him up.    Speedwagon begs him to reconsider, but Stroheim is convinced that he’s taken adequate precautions.    The pillar is being kept in a huge vessel with thick steel walls.  I want to say 50cm. 

Speedwagon is afraid because he knows how dangerous Dio was when he used the Stone Mask 50 years ago, and it looks like the Pillar Man is an even more ancient and terrible monster than what Dio aspired to become.  It’s strongly implied that the Pillar Man invented the Stone Masks in the first place, so he’s got to be bad news.   But Stroheim is convinced that the Pillar Man is just an immortal primitive.   He may have strange powers, but he’ll be completely befuddled by the modern world.    One of Stroheim’s catchphrases is “German Science is the greatest in the world!”  The writings in the temple said that the Pillar Man wanted to become the ultimate life form, but Stroheim believes that humans have already claimed that spot, with his own countrymen representing the peak of humanity.  

And you know, he might have a point.   Dio was a big problem in the 19th Century, but Joseph did pretty well against Straizo using guns and grenades and mirrors.  Once the Pillar Man received enough blood, he transforms into a flesh-and-blood being and pops out, only to seem completely confused by his surroundings.    Stroheim writes him off as a dullard and decides to give the Pillar Man a name: Santana. 

Stroheim’s next experiment is to send a vampire into the chamber.    He explains to Speedwagon that they used a Stone Mask from the temple to convert one of the prisoners, and then starved him of blood so that he would attack Santana on sight.   To everyone’s surprise, the vampire seems to win without a struggle.   He just glomps onto Santana and bites him.  I should point out that this is the only time in JoJo where we see a vampire use his fangs to drink blood.   Everyone else always used their fingers.  

There’s a bomb in the head of the vampire prisoner, so Stroheim considers detonating it to save Santana, but then...

Holy shiiiiiiiiit!   Yeah, vampires in JJBA can absorb blood by sticking their fingers into your body, but Santana can top even that.    All he has to do is touch a victim, and his body will absorb the victim’s flesh.  So when this hapless vampire grabbed hold of Santana, he was actually sinking more of his body into danger.   When he finally pulls free, huge chunks of him are simply... gone.   The only reason he’s not dead already is because of his vampire physiology.    But then Santana just grabs hold of him and pushes him into himself, completing the process.

Now that I think about it, what about that bomb that was inside the vampire’s body?  Did Santana absorb that too? 

Meanwhile, this German agent named Donovan is following Joseph as he makes his way through the desert.   When Joseph starts to think he’s being watched, Donovan tries to ambush him, but Joseph lures him near a cactus and uses Hamon to make it explode in Donovan’s face.    Then he interrogates Donovan and learns that Speedwagon is alive and being held captive in Stroheim’s base.

I don’t want to spend a lot of time on Donovan because I find his entire presence in this story confusing, but I do think he was one of the reasons Hirohiko Araki created the Stands in Part 3.    Joseph vs. Donovan has a lot of the hallmarks of a typical Stand User battle.   The good guy thinks something’s suspicious, then the bad guy reveals himself, and proves more dangerous than he seemed.   He appears to win, only for the good guy to turn the tables with an unexpected application of his own power.

The trouble is that Donovan’s abilities don’t make much sense.  He can walk without leaving footprints, and he seemed to be invisible at one point, so maybe he’s just really good at concealing himself?   Also he has a weird knife that can unravel and function as a whip, but where the hell did he get that thing?    And how was Donovan following Joseph?    Joseph’s on a motorcycle, and Donovan appears to be traveling on foot.

Stand powers just make things easier.   If Donovan had a Stand, it could just be a Stand that allows him to do all of these things without any further explanation.

So Joseph finds the base and attempts to sneak in by disguising himself as a Mexican woman bringing in supplies.  The guards apparently have some sort of arrangement with the nearest town, but they harass all the women who bring them stuff.   When they see through Joseph’s disguise, he uses Hamon to drop coconuts on their heads and kicks them in the face.   Then he steals one of their uniforms, genuinely frustrated that his first disguise didn’t work.  Well, I think you looked great, Joseph.   

Inside, everyone’s panicking because Santana managed to disappear somehow.    They only took their eyes off him for a moment, and then he was gone.   So Stroheim plans to cut off the oxygen to the vessel and wait for Santana to show himself.   In the meantime, he checks the security footage, which shows Santana jumping into a ventilation grate, and contorting his entire body to squeeze inside.  Speedwagon deduces that he must have crushed every bone in his body to make that work.    Dio had similar powers of bodily manipulation, but nothing like this.

And then Santana emerges from the vents and burrows into the body of one of the German soldiers.   The poor bastard has a giant hole in his face where his eyes used to be, and he’s somehow still awake, even as Santana forces his body to expand in size.  Stroheim orders his men to shoot, which kills the soldier but not Santana.    Stroheim still clings to the belief that Santana is dumb enough to be controlled, despite his power, but then Santana starts talking, and points his finger at them.   Stroheim initially thinks Santana is just imitating the act of holding a gun, but no.    Santana can take all the bullets they fired into him and shoot them back out through his fingertip.    Shit!

At this moment, a German soldier tries to move Speedwagon to safety, but Speedwagon refuses help, so the soldier just grabs some of Stroheim’s hair instead.

Turns out, it’s Joseph!   He does some Hamon trick to make the hair all stiff and it deflects the bullets.   Well, only the ones aimed toward Speedwagon and Stroheim.   Everyone else in this room appears to be dead.   Well, serves ‘em right for being Nazis.

[nobody-wants-ice-cream]

Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 7, The Day That Was.

We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals

Run Boy Run

Extra Ordinary

Man on the Moon

Number Five

The Day That Wasn’t

Disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!

I would also like to add that normally you wouldn’t watch a show this way. I am purposefully looking for mistakes, easter eggs, and other things that we’re not supposed to notice. I am watching not with the goal of entertainment, but for analysis. So most of the things that I sin, I am seeing for the first time.

Also, no I can’t do better. I am in no way qualified to give this level of criticism about anything.

[Look out for the fic challenge at the end! I’m tagging @tehmoonofficial @seven-misfits @princenewton @tua-koffee and anyone else who wants to try it. Tag other people if you would like!]

The Day That Was

The use of “One is the Loneliest Number” by Three Dog Night implies that this is Luther’s birth. I know that that isn’t what they’re trying to convey so this is a very weird song choice. It would be way too on the nose if it was Luther, but it would fit so well. In fact, before Pogo said that it was the culmination of a normal pregnancy, I thought it was Luther when I was first watchin it.Point is, scoring is important. +1

No one is attending to this mother which is why she dies. Seriously, if just one person in that room was with Harold’s mother then any problems would have been noticed far earlier. I know this show likes to kill off women to further the plot, but this one happens to be excessively stupid. +2

There’s a woman in scrubs who doesn’t appear to be sterile in the room. Even Harold’s father is sterile. For those who don’t know, I’m talking about a lack of germs. +1

Harold playing with the Umbrella Academy action figures is adorable and makes sense. However, why the hell would his abusive father buy these for him? Something doesn’t add up. Where did he get these from? Did he steal them? In that case, stealing is bad. Sin still stands. +1

Dr. Terminal better appear in season 2. -1

Ben’s action figure includes the horror. This makes sense, but then how did Ben pose for this? Did he just sort of stand like that and let the sculptor take liberties with what the horror looked like? How were these modeled and designed? +1

“Put those stupid dolls away and go get me a beer” obvious abusive father is obvious. +7

Also, abusive fathers. +7

I didn’t notice that Harold’s house is the same as Leonard’s house when I first watched it because of the change in angle and lighting. This is clever. -1

Has anyone taken a good look at the Klaus action figure? That thing looks ridiculous! +1

Harold stops to look at a comic now and not later when his Dad isn’t demanding a beer. Then again, I am questioning the logic skills of a thirteen-year-old. So this sin is once again for the abusive dick for for not letting Harold be a child. +1

Seriously, where did Harold get all this stuff? Merch is expensive. And so are suit jackets. And tape. And a whole bunch of his supplies. +1

Seance seems pretty popular. Good. I love Klaus. But there is no indication that he did anything during missions, so why do these people love him? Show me his charisma or something? Give young Klaus a scene that shows why the people love him. +1

Are these barriers only there after missions? And if this is normal enough that there are barriers, then why aren’t there more people hounding the academy when Five runs away for example? How famous are these kids? +1

Harold you poor child. He even packed a bag and everything. Reggie is not better than your abusive father. Sin for Harold’s father and for Reggie. +2

No one stops Harold from jumping over the barrier. Not even the other fans saying something like “dude don’t do that”. Nothing. Who is enforcing these barriers? +1

Luther walked out of the car first and now he’s behind Allison. Since when does Luther have Five’s power?+1

Allison looks really uncomfortable. How many grabby fans has this young girl had to deal with? +1

Eden Cupid plays this really well. -1

How many grabby fans has Eden Cupid had to deal with?? +1

Reggie orders Harold behind the barricades. So is it Reggie enforcing it? Or what? +1

If it’s the academy enforcing it through Reggies orders then why didn’t Diego, Klaus, or Ben stop Harold? Or does this not matter because Luther was in front of them? This is confusing. Where is everybody? +1

Reggie is a dick. “You have no power”. Is that really the best way to deal with the situation? A better man may have said something like “You may not have powers but that doesn’t mean you aren't special. Run along now.” But then again, this is the same dick that drugged his daughter because he couldn’t control her powers so yeah. Fuck you, Reggie. +3

In the wide shot, Harold’s suitcase disappeared and some policemen magically appeared out of thin air. +1

Why are all these people laughing at Harold? After what Reggie just said there should be outrage? What the hell, people? +1

Some of these people include grown ass adults. +1

Reggie manhandles Harold and no one questions this. +1

Second hand embarrassment and shame. I really feel for this kid. -1

Where are the little umbrella mounts that the action figures are supposed to be standing on in this establishing shot of Harold’s collection? We see them on the collection in the academy. Is this supposed to imply that Harold stole them? I am confused. +1

We can see a piece of paper that has the words Klaus and Harold written on it in different colored crayon. Set designers, you win this one. -1

Why are the action figures going by their names instead of their hero names? It’s been established based on the posters the people had behind the barricades that “The Seance” and “Spaceboy” exist. So why the real names? If it’s because Harold is desperate for friends then the sin also applies. +1

In a close shot we can see that Harold must have taken those platforms off and glued them to this construction paper based on a weird deformity on Five’s foot. Sin still stands because Harold ruined those. In fact, I’ll add another sin, because this doesn’t explain how he separated them. If it was an exacto knife then sin for letting a child handle that. +1

Harold makes collages of the academy kids faces. Cute and a good set design choice. -1

You can see the moment when Harold decides to kill his father. That is some great acting, Jesse Noah Gruman. -1

You know, for all we rag on Harold for killing his abusive father, there are a surprising amount of fics in which the Hargreeves siblings kill their abusive father. Either we’re cool with killing abusive fathers or we aren’t, fandom. +1

Speaking of, we often use “cool motive, still murder” to describe this scene. But no one has a problem with the amount of people Five killed. +1

Harold got twelve years in jail even though there were signs of abuse. He had a bruise on his face! Any lawyer should have been able to get Harold out of jail. Even a public defender can’t deny this evidence. Harold should have pled guilty and he would have gotten a lighter, if no sentence at all. [I am not a lawyer, do not take this as legal advice. This is based on various crime shows and some law youtube channels. Also, don’t kill people.] +1

Why was Harold following Klaus? Popular theories include wanting to kill him or use him the way he uses Vanya. I am sinning this because it remains unclear. +1

The Leonard/Harold reveal is beautifully executed. This is how you do a plot twist. -1

Reggie refers to Klaus by name and by 00.04 in his journal. Why the inconsistency? If you know his name, why not use it all the time, Reggie? +1

In 2001, the kids were twelve. Reggie locked Klaus in the mausoleum as young as 12 and probably younger if the credit for 8 year old Klaus is anything to go by. +4

Reggie’s notes say that Klaus is resistant to this. No fucking shit, a child is resistant to facing their greatest fears with no support. +4

Title screen is on the umbrella in Reggie’s journal. Classy. -1

Five tosses Allison’s coffee behind him when he’s done with it. This goes back to his Apocalypse days, but you would think that sort of thing was frowned upon in the Commission. Or was really obvious during any missions he had as an assassin. Why is he doing this? +1

At the end of episode 6, Five slurps the coffee but here there is no slurp after “Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?”. +1

Leonard hears Five saying that he [Harold] is responsible for the apocalypse. This does not alarm Leonard in any way and he continues stealing Hargreeves’s action figure. +1

Also, Harold Jenkins happens to be in the academy right now as they’re talking about trying to find him. Choke on that irony. +1

Repeat scene shows no indication that the information Harold just got changed his reactions in any way. You would think that he would show a little fear or something? +1

Five isn’t treating his injury despite the fact that it’s causing him obvious pain and he has access to Grace and an infirmary because plot? They could easily have this chat in the infirmary while Five is getting stitched up. Five has been shown treating his injuries and does seem to possess more than half a brain cell, so not taking care of the shrapnel wound is a weird deviation in his character. +3

Speaking of brain cells, thank goodness Allison has one because she is the one asking relevant questions here. -1

Klaus and Diego are still pissed at Five for getting drunk while Hazel and Cha Cha attacked the mansion. Good job with the consistency in character motivation, writers. -1

“Temps Commission.” Maybe season 2 will give us the Temps Aeternalis. +1

Aidan Gallagher’s delivery is okay, but not stellar. I think it’s the tone that’s off. I think I’m judging him too harshly. This is hard to deliver because it’s an exposition dump seven out of ten episodes in. So this sin goes to the writers for making these paragraphs- not lines, paragraphs- that deliver information the viewer already knows. At this point, cut the scene short or show Vanya and Leonard again so we can skip the second Commission lecture. +1

And the reactions that Diego, Allison, and Luther have are so varied because they have such different levels of understanding. Allison, who knows the least, asks “What do you mean, protect time and space?” This level of info dumping this late is dumb. +1

“I look like a thirteen year old boy.” No you don’t. Real thirteen year olds do not look like fifteen year old Aidan Gallagher. For example, look up what Gallagher looked like when he was actually thirteen. +1

“Klaus talks to the dead” oh so we’re just stating the obvious now. Who wrote this scene? +1

How does Five know Claire’s name? Just one shot of a magazine in his apocalypse bunker was all we needed. The magazine that says Patrick and Claire are doing just fine without Allison would have made perfect sense. +1

If we don’t get Five and Claire meeting at some point istg. Sin until they meet.+1

Once again, Luther the moon and the apocalypse are connected, just not in the way you think. Reggie, you suck. +1

“Klaus you’re with me.” Diego and Klaus make a great team. -1

Five’s face when Klaus says he’s feeling under the weather. Considering Five’s injury, this makes sense for the character. -1

Five gives that look to Klaus. Five, you’re hiding a life threatening wound for no reason. You don’t have room to judge. +1

The old man walk looks ridiculous. Five is so obviously injured and Allison and Luther, who watch as Klaus, Diego, and Five walk away, don’t notice this odd walk. +1

We follow Hazel instead of Cha Cha because their story in this episode isn’t affected by Five’s time travel decision. However, the only part of this story we need is the part at the end of the episode. +1

Diego is driving, Five has shotgun, and Allison is in the back. They totally fought over who would sit where. That scene would have been way more interesting than the Hazel and Cha Cha repeat scene. Also, I kind of want to write about that fight now. You know Five wanted to drive. And that when Diego insisted on driving so he and Allison wouldn’t get in trouble for letting a minor drive or something like that, Allison and Five fought over the passenger's side seat. Well adjusted or not, fighting over that seat is what siblings do. +1

Allison, you could just waltz in there and ask for it. Don’t suggest that plan if you aren’t going to do that. +1

Five’s power or Allison’s power would be very useful, yet Diego choses to get the file himself. This wastes valuable time. And Five is okay with that. +1

Five refers to his powers as “blink” not “jump” which is what the fandom has been calling it. +1

Five has not slept at all in a couple days. And he’s making decisions about the end of the world. +1

Diego “made a call. That’s what a leader does.” But the call he makes is fucking stupid. This is a grab the thing and get out mission. Two people in the academy have powers that would work wonderfully for this type of mission. And they happen to be right there. Even with Allison refusing to use her power, it’s stupid to not have Five just blink in and grab it. Diego is a shitty leader. +1

Beeman just tells Diego that he is the prime suspect in Patch’s murder. This is so dumb on so many levels. Sigh. +1

Beeman has already said shit that would make him lose his job. At this point he’s arguing with Diego to pad the episode’s run time. +1

Whoever did Emmy Raver-Lampman’s makeup for this scene screwed up her brows really bad. Or maybe just her brow highlight is messed up. Or the blending on her eyeshadow. +1

Five is just sort of standing there and leaning against the wall. This is supposed to be another hint that he’s injured but it just looks stupid. +1

Allison’s heartfelt message to Vanya shows remorse and a genuine want for connection. -1

See! This cut where Allison doesn’t explain to Five and Diego who Leonard is because the viewer already knows and this can therefore happen off screen is good! Use this more if you’re going to do episodes like this. -1

Luther turns to alcohol because he doesn’t feel like he has any support. I’m sad now. Poor Luther! -1

And my sympathy disappears when Luther starts choking Klaus. That is some fucking bullshit. +1

I understand that Luther is drunk and not capable of complex decisions right now, but this seems excessively cruel. I think this is on the writers and not necessarily on Luther himself. +1

Why isn’t Ben seeing this? Later on, it’s like Ben didn’t see what Luther did here. This sin makes more sense later on in the episode. +1

Klaus is genuinely trying to make Luther feel better after Luther just choked him. Klaus is a good brother. -1

Klaus suggests going to find Allison. It’s like he knows what happened last episode. Oh, show. And yes, you can argue that Klaus knows that Luther and Allison were close. Then my counter argument would be that Klaus knows Allison is off saving the world. Yes, helping Luther is important, but Klaus can do it. Klaus needs more faith in himself. +1

Luther’s smile when Klaus calls him Number One and starts quoting poetry at him. “O captain, my captain.” -1

This immediately transitions into crying. My poor babies. +1

Klaus attempts to say “that’s not true” but can’t because he knows that Reggie is the type of person to send someone to the moon so he doesn’t have to look at them. Reggie is a dick. +7

Luther looks so lost and broken and sad. Tom Hopper, you asshole. I am actually crying a little bit. I’ll take a sin off because Tom Hopper made me feel emotions. -1

Robert Sheehan is an excellent actor. -1

Luther shoves Klaus out of the way with no regard to where he lands. What if Klaus’s head hit that furniture! +1

The Hazel and Cha Cha scenes would have been stronger if we left them in the last episode. Maybe one or two establishing things to show that they aren't affected by the time change and that’s it. All we needed was the order to not terminate Five and one of the messages. That’s it. +1

Hazel has a birdwatching book which shows that he wants to learn about Agnes’s interests. Cute. -1

They are trying to imply some kind of relationship between Hazel and Cha Cha! Cha Cha having feelings for Hazel doesn’t make sense. +1

“So do most serial killers and mass murderers. I mean look at him” “Thanks.” The delivery of “thanks” always bothered me. It could have used a little more sarcasm. +1

Diego doesn’t wait for Allison or Five to open the door. Nor does he let them offer suggestions. +1

Diego doesn’t even test the doorknob. Dumbass. +1

Diego seems like one of the competent siblings until he does this mission with Five and Allison, who have the family brain cells. This is amusing, but also makes me question the badass Diego moments. +1

If we don’t get more Five and Allison in season 2 imma riot. These characters work so well together. +1 

The way they make fun of Diego together is peak sibling culture. -1

“You need to see this.” Please just stop giving Allison these bullshit lines. +1

Five’s run is weird. He’s lifting his knees really high. This is one of those things that I shouldn’t have noticed. +1

Bottom left poster. Klaus hit the woah sixteen years too early. +1

Harold had time to scratch their faces before going to jail or Leonard did this at some point as an adult. Creep. +1

He also mangled the action figures even further. +1

Five isn’t looking so hot because the plot demands it right now. He was perfectly fine cracking jokes with Allison earlier. +1

Looking closer at the wound, we can see that Five not taking care of it right away is total fucking bullshit. That looks serious and like it could get infected easily. Five, who grew up in an apocalypse, would know to take care of shit like that. If he didn’t then he would have died in the Apocalypse.+1

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Diego would be excellent at cinema sins. +1

Five doesn’t answer this question because the answer is “The writers needed a convenient way to get me out of the picture for a couple hours.” +1

Harold’s father took him fishing. I don’t want to know why. +1

“We don’t have to stay here. We can just get a shitty motel or something.” Or ya know, go back to your apartment, Vanya. Or is Vanya’s apartment like Five’s injury in that it only exists when the plot needs it. +1

Off topic, but why is Vanya talking about chord progressions with her beginner violin student. Chords and violin don’t go together when you first start learning. This is a weird example. +1

Leonard is a manipulative bastard. He knows exactly what to say to make Vanya bend to his will. +1

We aren’t even halfway through the episode and I have been doing this for over two hours. This says a lot about the kinds of sins this episode has. Right now we’re at the end of page 6. +1

Vanya followed Leonard to a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere. They’ve known each other for less than a week. I wouldn’t trust some of the people I’ve known for years the way Vanya trusts Leonard. +1

Hazel has known Agnes for less than a week and now he wants to run away with her. +1

Agnes is willing to run away with Hazel despite knowing him for less than a week. +1

Hazel and Agnes are using the “Life is short” thing, which it is, especially with the impending apocalypse, but that doesn’t change that they’ve known each other for less than a week. +1

“Her job’s her life.” so why don’t you show that, show? Cha Cha’s motivations make no sense. +1

Hazel and Agnes theme! I love that piece. -1

The way Hazel is holding her looks really funny. I am amused. -1

Ben pressuring Klaus to help Luther despite all the physical harm Luther did to Klaus. I am sinning this again. Why didn’t Ben see this? Or does he just not care? This is either a sin for the show for not remembering where Ben is or a sin for Ben for not caring about his brother. +1

Ben creates a shadow but he is supposed to be invisible. I don’t think that’s how light works. Is Klaus the only person that can see Ben’s shadow? Is Klaus sober enough that he’s starting to make Ben corporeal? How does this work? +1

Right now if anyone looked in that alley, Klaus would look fucking crazy. +1

The guy walking past doesn’t care that Klaus is talking to nobody right now. +1

“You weren't ready to die violently at a young age” yeah. Seventeen, based on the portraits. Why does Ben’s ghost not look bloody? And why does he look like he’s in his late 20s? Ben should still look seventeen right? If Justin Min, age 29, is meant to be playing a 17 year old, then I have some issues. +1

Can Ben sweat? +1

The “if you were in trouble” line is delivered really well. Nice. -1

Ben’s tough love is more of a pep talk now. I like this version of Ben. He’s a little misguided, but he sort of gets the spirit. Heh spirit, Ben, get it? -1

“We should have taken him to the hospital” Allison would be excellent at cinema sins. +1

“We gotta get the shrapnel out.” Yeah, but that is not priority one right now. Is there any pressure on the wound right now? +1

This repeat scene with Diego and Grace makes sense because it’s at a different time. -1

“Seven bars, three strip joints, and a laundromat.” Why the laundromat? +1

Ben’s shadow is even more pronounced now. +1

Convenient rave girl talking to herself about Luther with a good description is convenient. +1

“Holy Shit” said in unison. Nice. -1

Ben and Klaus wouldn’t know about Luther’s monkey transformation, so the reaction checks out but not the description. Maybe “big” was why they decided to check it out? +1

Rave girl thinks Luther is a furry. This is funny. -1

Luther offers Klaus drugs. That’s nice, I guess. -1

Offering your newly sober brother drugs. +2

Ben is honestly a life coach from hell. “Stay strong don’t give into temptation.” Remember your mantras. Meditate. Drink lots of water. +1

Though, that does make sense. A dead guy would be a shitty life coach. +1

What’s with the weird light on the pill that Klaus threw? Is that a secondary power? Being able to find drugs? +1

No one steps on or trips on Klaus, who is crawling around on the floor in a room full of high/drunk/whatever people. +1

Klaus’s flashbacks. Putting my boy through trauma. +1

Dave turns into the pill because the pill symbolises everything holding Klaus back from summoning Dave. Symbolism. -1

Grace is treating Five’s shrapnel wound in his room instead of the infirmary. +1

“Receptionist at her music school” wait. Vanya has another job teaching music? She has three jobs? How in the hell did she have time to do any of this stuff? +1

Allison’s face when Diego says Luther was right. That was amazing. Emmy Raver-Lampman, you genius. -1

The City has no people around right now other than Diego, Allison, and the cops. +1

“Why would you ask that about me?” because you carry pointy things and throw them into people, Diego. That’s why Allison asks if the police are right about you murdering someone. +1

Allison would be excellent at cinema sins. She reiterated my last point. +1

Why did they send that many cops to go arrest one guy? Did they expect the entire academy to fight them? +1

“You killed a cop, asshole.” Rodriguez did the police academy teach you nothing? You can’t say shit like that to a suspect? +1

Finally, someone reads Diego his Miranda rights. Doing the bare minimum is impressive for these cops. +1

Diego, you edgy bastard. Spitting on the ground? Great. Make these people even more pissed off then they already are. +1

Vanya’s power is mostly destructive and Leonard should know this based on the book. So why is he trying to get her to summon a boat? Or destroy a boat? This doesn’t make any sense. +1

“I watched everything my brothers and sister could do ruin their lives.” The Umbrella Academy in a nutshell. +1

Also, if you saw this, then why the fuck did you want powers, Vanya? +1

“Do I stare really hard? Am I supposed to point my fingers?” Actual conversation Ellen Page had with the director somehow made it into the show. +1

This scene is so underrated. It’s so funny watching the music swell and nothing happen. -1

“I look and I feel ridiculous. I have no idea how they did this stuff with a straight face.” -1

“You are so invested in this.” Yeah, girl. Red flag. +1

Convenient burning not obscuring the words of the “terminate Hazel” message is convenient. +1

Do we really need the repeat of Cha Cha getting the message? +1

Cha Cha doesn’t notice Hazel behind the curtain despite being a trained assassin. This is why Five was the best. +1

Hazel doesn’t kill Cha Cha. +1

Netflix subtitles have Ben saying “Oh shit, Luther” when it’s clearly Klaus saying that line. +1

Klaus’s desire to help his brother is stronger than his need for drugs. -1

For whom the bell tolls? The bell tolls for Klaus. +1

Little Girl on a Bike God takes her lines directly from the comics. -1

She plays the pronoun game with Klaus despite Her being all knowing. Or She does this to be an asshole. +1

The barber shop looks like a little barn from the outside. Clever misdirection. -1

“Nite Owl Barber Shop” -1

“Barber banter may offend” no kidding. With Reggie working there, need I say more. -1

The pictures of Luther, Diego, Reggie, Dave, Five, and possibly young Ben on the wall. -1

Five’s hair looks really dumb in the photo aslkdj;gaf. -1

Artful close up shot of Robert Sheehan’s face. -1

Reggie is a dick. “What in God’s name took you so long?” Maybe he didn’t want to see you, asshole. +1

Was Colm Feore actually shaving Robert Sheehan? +1

I am going to sin Reggie being a dick in advance here so I don’t have to sin every line. +20

Klaus brings up an interesting point. How did Reggie know about the apocalypse? +1

Klaus is crying when Reggie says that he killed himself to bring them all back together. On some level, Klaus cares for this man. Empathy. -1

Just as Reggie starts to say something important, he disappears because of course he does. If the characters actually spoke to each other about important things then there would be no plot. +1

Klaus was dead and now he’s not. Why didn’t he wake up in the apocalypse? +1

Kenny’s mom sighting. She’s at the rave. +1

Leonard pays these guys to beat him up. Did he also give them a script? +1

Vanya’s powers activate when the rain starts but only become visible when she fears for Leonard’s life. Good choice. -1

Hazel doesn’t kill Cha Cha. Killing her would help him out in so many ways, yet he doesn’t do it. Or remove his tracker. Or her tracker. Or anything. +1

“I’m in love” You’ve known her for a couple days at best. +1

“Wake up and smell the coffee.” This is part of the reason why I headcanon Five’s coffee addiction came from the Commission. +1

Hazel can’t bring himself to kill Cha Cha after she threatens him and the woman he “loves” because of years of friendship in a job he hated? That she loved? I’m confused. +1

Allison is going after Vanya alone. She is going to this cabin in the woods alone. Horror Movie 101, Allison. +1

Now Ben looks concerned. All it took was Klaus’s literal death. +1

Luther and the rave girl are both too high to consent? I don’t like the vibes. +1

Diego is in jail because of his own stupidity. +1

The police didn’t give him back his sling. The man is walking around with a gunshot wound, assholes. +1

The shot of the eye before the camera focuses on Five symbolizes Five putting the apocalypse before everything. -1

Vanya looks so scared in the hospital. Excellent acting. -1

The shot of the eye also reminds us that the eye exists at all which makes the eye reveal more dramatic. -1

Overall Review:

Okay, so if episode 5 is where the viewer truly learns what’s going on, then episode 7 is when everything truly comes together. All the loose plot threads fit themselves together in this episode. In fact, you could argue that the Leonard/Harold eye reveal is the most important reveal after the whole Vanya has powers reveal. The eye makes sense now. 

You know what? I challenge all the fic writers who read this to write a “watching the show” style fic, but only using this episode. Drop this episode on them in the middle of one of the early episodes and then have them try to stop the apocalypse based on it. Tag me when you’ve posted it and/or gift it to cherriesareneat on ao3. I will probably be writing my own version of this at some point. 

There are a ton of great moments in this episode. The important beats being the Harold/Leonard reveal, Five’s injury, Luther at the rave, Klaus’s death, Reggie’s reveal, Vanya’s powers reveal, and the eye reveal. These were mostly well executed with the exception being Five’s injury. 

Also, let me know if you prefer the long sins/short analysis style I’ve been trying out recently. 

Total: 152

Sentence: What is character motivation? Where am I? I am confused.

[gaknar]

Review: The Claremont Crossovers

Geez, I haven’t written a review for this blog since my Secret Wars review from like 17 years ago. How can that be? Well, I guess I used to work on this blog a lot more often and now I’ve gotten way more into Super Nintendo games and BDSM. Like a lot of people. But now that I finally finished reading Inferno, it is time once again to bookend my experience with an overly wordy wall of text filled with the worst kind of oblivious meninist butt humor jokes and pretentious sounding run-on sentences that are trying to sound smart but are always improperly ended with prepositions of. And lots of ridiculous comic book panels.

These are only the silliest panels from this reading that I could find after looking for about 25 seconds.

Bookeeping. This review covers everything that I have read since X-Factor #1. This includes Uncanny X-Men #204-243, X-Factor #1-39, New Mutants #38-73, along with a smattering of annuals, Daredevil, Power Pack, Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Excalibur, and X-Terminators comics that were all part of the Mutant Massacre, Fall of the Mutants, and Inferno crossovers. There were a lot of developments over the course of the 4 years these comics were published. Jean Grey was resurrected and the original members of the X-Men reformed under the moniker X-Factor.

Mr. Sinister formed his band of evil mutants, the Marauders, who would become the X-Men’s main antagonists, and their most devious act would include committing mutant genocide against the Morlocks in the New York City sewers while dealing critical wounds to main X-Men team members Kitty Pryde, Nightcrawler, and Colossus during the fight.

Later, the X-Men were seemingly killed in a struggle with the mystical being known as the Adversary, but in reality they went into hiding in their new Australian outback base.

Illyana Rasputin lost control of the hell dimension Limbo which led to a demon invasion of Manhattan.

And finally, perhaps most prominently, Cyclops left his wife Madelyne Pryor and their son to get back together with Jean Grey, an act that led Madelyne to become corrupted with Pheoenix Force power and to turn into the Goblin Queen.

This era of X-Men comics contains the first major crossovers between the main X-Men comic book and its spinoffs. These events would become common as Marvel found ways to use its more strongly published works to carry the weaker ones, and the ploy still works apparently since here I am 30 years later reading 500 page omnibus collections just because there are 4 or 5 absolutely killer X-Men comic books in them. I love the X-Men so much that I’m willing to wade through the unending buildup to get the most out of the climaxes.

Seriously this artwork.

However, I find that this style of editing leads to a peculiar trend in pacing that can be tough to recover from in-between the major storylines. As Mutant Massacre leads into Fall of the Mutants, which then leads into Inferno, the characters are faced with consistently increasing stakes. With each passing story line, casualties grow and become more grave, and the consequences are more lasting. Mutant Massacre starts with the genocide of a mutant community, and several main characters are critically wounded as the X-Men face the worst defeat they’ve ever experienced. Then a year later in Fall of the Mutants, just as the team is starting to recover, the entire team of X-Men is killed during their battle against the Adversary. They would immediately be resurrected as a reward for sacrificing themselves to save the world, but it is still a defeat that claims the lives of every member of the team, if only for a moment. By the time we get to Inferno, the world is literally ending. Demons are raining from the sky and regular people are straight up getting slaughtered in the streets and elevators as the X-Men are more or less helpless to stop the destruction.

Inferno is an amazing storyline, if only for all the scenes of inanimate objects coming to life and straight up eviscerating common folk who are just minding their own business. Look at this shit!!! How did the comics code of conduct ever approve this. A mob of people just packed themselves into a demon FOOD PROCESSOR and every inch of them was liquefied except their bones. Chilling. (And let’s just forget about how the writers retconned all this blood orgy stuff in the Inferno Epilogue).

This all works in a capitalistic sense. Constantly raise the stakes and don’t let up for a second because if you do, the reader will take their eyes off the page and you will lose money. But the problem is, you can’t do this forever. And if you try, eventually you are going to write yourself into a corner where you’ve raised the stakes so many times, and you’ve re-manufactured the drama so often, people will stop caring. I call this the Dragon Ball effect.

How many times have these characters become gods at this point? Like three movies ago, the most recent movie was literally called “Battle of Gods.” I’m not even watching Super. Once your characters get so far away from humanistic stories people can relate to, you are no longer creating art. You’re manufacturing sensationalism. And it gets boring. These guys are starting to look like different flavors of freezie pops.

Maybe this is why the X-Men comics that come after this, the comics that make up the last leg of writer Chris Claremont’s 17 year run on the series, become so weird. Because perhaps there was no way to continue to raise the stakes any higher. After this point, we don’t get any more big crossovers until X-Tinction Agenda, but even that story is small and quaint when compared to what is presented here. Wolverine completely disappears from the series, all our other favorite characters disappear into the Seige Perilous to be transformed into completely different versions of themselves, and we get a lot of surreal stories that don’t have any sort of climax in the way that we’ve been conditioned to expect. The series becomes murky and ambiguous, without a solid narrative arc, and I think that’s why people regard the end of Chris Claremont’s writing on the series to be the weakest part of his run.

I can’t wait to read the X-Men comics that are coming up next. Because I didn’t know what in the FUCK was going on in these comics when I was a kid and I’m hoping they make more sense now.

Anyway, I’ll be the judge of all that, once I get there. (I may even indulge in the Infinity Gauntlet omnibus because, you know, there’s a couple X-Men involved in that). But regardless of what comes after this, I think it’s also true that the crossovers presented in this reading are generally regarded with less respect than Chris Claremont’s earlier work on the series, such as the Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past. This I don’t agree with. While the stories in this reading do range in quality, with Fall of the Mutants definitely being the weakest of the three big crossovers, and even though the Uncanny X-Men portion of Inferno isn’t even the central story of that crossover (the critical story elements take place in the far inferior issues of New Mutants and <ugh> X-Terminators written by Louise Simonson), Claremont’s writing is still much stronger, more layered, and more elegant than anything else that is presented in these collections. These crossovers may not be as timeless or original as the most famous X-Men stories, but the writing here is still really darn good and engaging (at least in Uncanny X-Men), and in my opinion, does not represent a decline in aptitude on the part of the writer. It’s clear that Claremont’s writing has continued to mature and become more nuanced, so much so that when you compare it to the first issues he wrote for the series, it seems like he’s a completely different writer.

KALIDASCOPICALLY. Again, these were just the silliest panels I could find after looking for about 25 seconds.

Personally, I love this period of X-Men comics. Under Claremont’s executive control, no plot thread gets dropped. No minor detail goes disregarded. Characters continue to grow and develop at such a natural pace, sometimes it feels like my own life is developing right alongside theirs. This adds depth to these readings and I can’t describe how it feels to be a part of them, and I think it’s this element that is missing from so many other comic books written by so many other comic book writers, including nearly every X-Men story written after Chris Claremont left the series.

Case in point, there are so many minor recurring characters that appear in these stories, like Franklin Richards. (I seriously tear up every time I see these panels). This little guy bounces around the Power Pack, the X-Men, and the Fantastic Four like a ping pong ball. He’s a key character in the story line where Kitty Pryde finally recovers from the wounds she suffered during Mutant Massacre. And even though Kitty and Franklin have only met each other a few times, those meetings have meaning and they are remembered and called upon in the telling of the current story. All of the efforts made by the writers and editors to keep the narrative linked make these characters seem like real life people with weight and substance, rather than a thin layer of ink on a piece of paper. And it totally works.

Ugh, this review turned into another circle jerk about the writers of these comics, and especially about Chris Claremont. But what can I say. It’s because of the writers that we are here. Love or hate these comics, and I know Claremont’s wordy scripts are not everyone’s cup of tea, but these are the stories that make the X-Men what they are. It’s tough to be aware of these things when you’re in the middle of reading them, but I’m having the absolute best time writing this blog right now, and it is primarily because these are the comics that resonate with me the most. And when I’m finished with Claremont’s material and I’m slogging through some crap written by Chuck Austen, I bet I’m going to look back on these days with envy.

[sidhelives]

2020 Fics in Review

No one tagged me, so I'm tagging myself. Tagging @hezjena2023 as well.

I wrote a bit this year. While I technically started writing in October of 2019 all of WolfHunt was rewritten and reposted in 2020. Which means everything I have written on AO3 was written in 2020. For this I'll only be using works posted on AO3 not things written which have not been posted.

Sounds good?

Good.

Overall Stats

Total Words Written: 194,992

Total fics completed: 32

Average words per month: 16,249

Average words per fic: 6,093

Ongoing Fics/Series:

WolfHunt - Dragon Age; 14 chapters/59,425 words

Pathfinder Chronicles - Mass Effect Andromeda

Relocation - 1,401 words

The Scars - 1,995 words

Ill Fortune or (The Unfortunate Birth, and Subsequent Lamentable Life of Hypetia Amell) - Dragon Age; 5 chapters/11,399 words

Ill Fortune - Supplementary Works - Dragon Age; 3 chapters/1,813 words

Listen Closely - Skyrim; 4 chapters/9,459 words

Harlequin Eyes - Dragon Age; NSFW; 5 works/12,280 words

A Chance Encounter - Kinktober; 1,715 words

A Test - Kinktober; 1,175 words

This is How it Starts - 2,830 words

The Inquisitor's Intentions - 2 chapters/4,366 words

It Seems the Game has Changed - Fluffcember; 2,538 words

Completed Fics/Series

Dance Lesson - Dragon Age; 268 words

Reunion - Mass Effect; 3,564 words

Momentary Distractions - Dragon Age; 1,458 words

A Cool Harvestmere Morning - Dragon Age; 1,180 words

Anders in Over his Head - Dragon Age; NSFW

Fraternization - 5,642 words

Party of Three - 5,153 words

Four's a Crowd - 3 chapters/7,734 words

What's in the box, Shepard? - Mass Effect; 1,987 words

Pride and Humility - Collected Solavellan Shorts - Dragon Age; 25 chapters/27,256 words

Solavellan Tarot Challenge - Dragon Age; 22 chapters/22,296 words

A Dark Ritual - Dragon Age; NSFW; Kinktober; 4,472 words

A Late Night Visit - Dragon Age; NSFW; Kinktober; 1,095 words

A Clever Ruse - Dragon Age; NSFW; Kinktober; 1,715 words

You're Going to Love It - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,166 words

Take My Hands - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,164 words

Of Course I Remembered - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 2,019 words

Don't Look at Them. Look at Me. - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,983 words

Well Worth the Travel, and the Snow - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 1,558 words

This is el Aperitivo - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 883 words

Leather and Lace - Dragon Age; Gift for Jukkari; 2,036 words

Oh Good, You're Here - Dragon Age; Fluffcember; 2,591 words

New things I tried this year:

Everything really. Prior to 2020 I had only written WolfHunt so new things included:

Lavellan/Blackwall

Amell/Zevran

Anders/So many damn people

Solvelyan

Femslash (just a little at the end)

Smut

I hadn't written anything explicit in 10+ years and back in the day I focused primarily on M/M. I jumped in with both feet though and people seem to like the stuff I write so huzzah.

Fic I spent the most time on:

Long Fic:

WolfHunt for sure. Almost 60,000 words is a lot of time and I kind of go cross-eyed when I think about how much is left in the story I want to tell.

Honorable mention goes to Ill Fortune, not because of how much time I spent writing but because of the time I spent plotting out the timeline. I know where Pet, Aria, and Des are basically through their entire lives.

Short Fic:

Four's a Crowd for sure. Writing two people having sex is an arduous process for me, but four?! There are so many bodies to deal with. It became super overwhelming and I could only work in it in short bursts.

Fic I spent the least time on:

Long Fic:

Pathfinder Chronicles. I got super inspired and then it just dropped away. I'd love to write more Sara! I have a lot of fun with my slowly self redeeming fuck-up, I just need to figure out how to format it and keep motivation up.

Short Fic:

Weighting length with time (so I don't just automatically say the shortest one) I'd go with A Clever Ruse. It was goofy and comical and disconnected from anything that mattered and it just moved very quickly, even accounting for the smut part slowing me down as they do.

Favorite thing I wrote this year:

Long Fic:

Listen Closely for sure. I'd never even considering writing outside my BioWare bubble when the idea occurred to me and I fell in love with the idea. Also it's incredibly fun writing crazy people.

Short Fic:

It might be cheating but Anders in Over his Head. The series reminded me how much I love Anders, and I really do, I also love writing him. Tortured male POV is kind of my jam and Anders fits there so we'll while also being a snarky ass which makes for good banter (my favorite thing to write).

Favorite thing I read this year:

Ashamedly, I don't read much. I want to get better about it in 2021 but for now I'll just list my favorite things I did read (all on AO3:

Flemeth's New Look by attack_on_feels

How Loud Your Heart Gets by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard

Like Veilfire by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard

That Girl Is Like A Sunburn by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard

Eyes Wide Shut by queenofkadara

Fall Into The Tide by queenofkadara

I just realized those are like all porn. Oops.

I also started reading The Keening Blade by Arsinoe de Blassenville which is on fanfiction.net. It's very long so I haven't finished it but I am really enjoying.

Things I want to work on in 2021:

Finishing WolfHunt is a top priority. I don't feel like I can fully commit to another long form DA fic (like the world I'm building out in Ill Fortune and Harlequin Eyes) until I get that one done.

Expanding more into other fandoms. Mass Effect primarily but also exploring other fandoms that I have a lot of love for. Dragon Age is my wheel house: I know it well and I'm comfortable with it, so I'll never leave it behind but the fun I've had with Listen Closely has made me consider branching out.

MORE FEMSLASH. I love ladies and I love ladies loving ladies but I've barely touched f/f relationships. I am planning a Femslash February event so that will open the door.

I have a whole to do list to get to as well 😅

In Conclusion

I can't believe how much I accomplished in 2020. It feels like I've been writing for years, not just the one. I've found a community in fic writing that I never dreamed of, friends and support I never thought I would have. Most of all it makes me so happy. Writing is one of the few things I do for myself, my personal life very much revolves around other people, and knowing that other people find joy in the things I create is the best feeling in the world. So if you read my stuff, if you comment or give kudos:

Thank you.

Ma bal'venhan serannas.

[popculturebuffet]

Scottrospective: Scott Pilgrim and the Infinite Sadness

Welcome back my Scottaholics! We’re moving right along fun and fancy free just a few days later from Book 2 to 3. Which fits: As I mentioned in my review of book 1 I first encountered Scott, Ramona and Wallace in a free comic book story, and VERY intrigued, bought volumes 2 and 3 from the same comic shop after reading it in line.. or maybe I went there again later and bought them. My brain is a foggy sinkhole. Point is I was hooked from then on out, and bought the next three volumes as I came out, and through the internet because by then i’d leanred to use Amazon. Ironic given Ramona’s work for them is not only iconic to the series but plot important in volumes 1 and 2. As is Scott’s package toss in the movie. But the story of my long wait for volume 4 can wait for February. Point is it was these two and Free Scott PIlgrim are the ones I poured over again and agian, obessing over as a teen and the ones that stick in my brain the most.  But even with that last time the exaustive process of covering it exposed a LOT of volume 2′s weakness: While it has a lot of iconic scenes, including Scott accidently convincing a man to skateboard himself to death, the Ramona and Knives fight, the envy call, the flashback, and is still very enjoyable..it also feels the most like a collection of loose events out of the books. Good stuff and character and tone wise better than last time.. but not quite as narratively strong. The series was GETTING there, the art was solidfiying into it’s final form, the characters were in the right place, SCott was more likeable.. but it hadn’t quite hit it’s stride yet.  Three guesses when it did and the first two didn’t count. Infinite Sadness is one of my favorite volumes, along with 4 and 6. And while part of that is nostaliga and a personal connection.. the bulk of it is just this volume being even BETTER on the re-read. I picked up subtle bits that I didn’t notice before that only enritched the experince, the pacing is sublime, the character work is top notch and compelling, the art work is finally crystlalized into what the series is known for, and would only get even better as it goes, and the fights are some of the series best. This is one hell of a story and I warmly invite you to join me as I break it down after the break.

Previously on Scott Pilgrim: Scott defeated Lucas Lee, the second Evil Ex, met Luke Wilson, and prepared to go to his ex girlfriend’s concert despite this being a terrible idea to discuss a gig. It was there he and Ramona found out Envy’s base player Todd, the douchenozzle who she cheated on Scott with, is also the douchenozzle Ramona cheated on Lucas with. 

So we open.. exactly from that moment, with Scott and Ramona starring wide eyed while the band plays in an utterly dazzling sequence that’s been brought up a notch in the color remaster. Also one of a handful of moments that was barely touched from page to screen, with only slight adaptations to make it better on screen, and the addition of Metric’s now iconic “Black Sheep”. And when reading the scene.. I couldn’t resisit turning black sheep on as it matched it perfectly..  so yeah have the Clash at the Demonhead performance from the film

So while that worms it’s way into your head, let’s talk about the character designs for Clash Of the Demonhead, since volume 2 is the last time in the color editions O’Malley really talks about character origins and stuff. I could’ve missed something of course, we’ll see as we go won’t we. I just saved it for here as the Volume 2 review was running a bit long as is and while their shown on covers and on the back cover of the black and white edition, they don’t show up in person and in their full glory till the last panel, hence saving it for here where Envy and Todd are the main antagonists and Lynette is... plot relevant. 

Envy was based on the front woman for the band Metric, Emily Haines, designed much like hanes to be a tough, confrotnational, sexy woman, his words not mine, who’d gone through a lot of change in a few years since according to him, and i’m willing to take his word for it since I don’t know the band outside of the one song he picked for the movie, a lot of the bands songs are about that. And honeslty it makes me want to check them out more, as does how awesome black sheep is I can’t belivie I took this long, and is supremely intresting as I hadn’t realized there was a good reason there wasn’t just an original song written for clash at the demonhead. I mean if you base your character on the frontwoman for a band why NOT use one of their songs.

Speaking of band, Plumtree’s drummer, Lynette Gillis, was the inspiration for Lynette Gycott, though the final version of her is more cold and robotic and less like Gillis than initially envisioned. 

Finally Todd..was based on Scott, and while he evolved out from that a bit especially in powers.. the concept basically stuck as Todd is a stronger, dumber, more agressive and douchey version of Scott whose mistreatment of women is far more deliberate than Scott’s untetional douchebaggery. 

So after some interview segments for some sort of documentary on the band with the crowd, we cut to our heroes after the show, all standing around and being nervous. Stephen’s first words are “Decent show eh, told you they were good”. 

Admitely re-reading this one and answering a reader question, unrealted but it got me to thinking, made me realize Stephen wasn’t AS much of a dick as I thought: I didn’t think about the fact Scott and Envy’s blow up cost him their old band which was close to singing, and that Scott both as revealed in volume 3 and in bits here, was kind of a dick towards the end, intitating the breakup while drunk and belligernt and saying a facepunchingly dickish comment we’ll get to. So he wasn’t BLAMELESS and it’s understandable Stephen dosen’t hate her as much. She was friends with his horrible albatross of a girlfriend and didn’t break his heart. 

However.. he’s still an asshole and deserve jeff blim’s theatrical fuck you up there. He still ignores Scott’s pain, or the fact that most of the breakup WAS Envy’s fault as we’ll see. We’ll get into it in full obviously but for the cliffs notes so I can yell at a fictional grumpy closted canadian man: She slowly drifted away from him, treated him like he had no say in a band he helped found or took his feelings into account in the record deal, and cheated on him with Todd and possibly another guy. And as seen here she used her fame to bribe her ex and friends into showing up just so, as we see, she can torture him and his new girlfriend a bit. Envy is not a good person and Stephen is ignoring that and his friends VERY obvious emtoinal turmoil. Especially dickish since by this point Scott has clearly swallowed his pride and agreed to a show with someone who really DEEPLY hurt him for Stephen and Kim’s sake.. and he’s not even remotely greatful for it clearly. The only reason  he’s not the biggest asshole left in the building is because Todd, Envy and Julie, queen of bitches, is in there. 

So after a save point gag that goes nowhere, Envy shows up to take the group back stage... awkward, uncomfortable and very intentional silence insues to makes Scott even more sweaty and nervous and Ramona visably and understandably annoyed. Knives tries to talk to her hero but gets ignored because Envy’s a bitch.. and so’s Julie who not only joins in the shunning of a fucking teenager who clearly loves this band, but also is clearly trying to conversationally surgically attach her lips to Envy’s ass. Her toadying is obnxoious as you’d expect and as transparent as you’d expect, trying to drudge up old nostalgia while Envy’s clearly barely intrested, and the only thing that makes it more tolerable than normal Julie is Envy clearly barely tolerates this and likely is only going with it because she could be a useful minon in the future. 

Thankfully this is broken up. Unthakfully it’s by knives shouting her most iconic line: 

Given Envy is shown to not be the best person.. her response is to have her cyborg goon belt knives in the face

Which leads to an even better line seconds later

Envy then to just .. complete the circle of being a bitch has NEil take knives out then mocks her when Julie explains why knives and neil were even here. And it’s VERY telling that even Julie, who was must minutes from humping envy’s leg and begging to go with her when she leaves, is visably put off by Envy’s attitude. So while Ramona is understandably fucking done with this, as even she has some shred of sympathy for the teenager who tried to stab her a day ago, Scott has to take a minute to have a flashback. We see two brief bits of Scott with Envy, at the start of their college band Kid Chamelon where they were all happy.. and shortly after the breakup where Scott is miserable, in the middle of the street, sadly saying their name while saying “I’m so alone”.. explaning that desert bit from volume 1.. and making it ten times more painful. Nicely done Brian. 

So with Knives gone we get our usual character age intros and descriptoins, my favioritte being Stephen “wants a damn buritto dammit” which I can relate to and thankfully got it monday. He also does show a bit more of his noble self as, things have escalated to the point even he can see Envy has some sort of evil scheme planned and he walked right into it so he asks what her ulterior motive is. Julie pipes up with “She dosen’t NEED ulterior motives she was written up with in spin!”

So Envy grills Ramona a bit clearly trying to make her squirm..though at least when Julie TRIES to jump in she shoots her down, like some asshole pulling a yappy dog on it’s leash hard. Eventually Scott flips out and .. well I don’t want to overpanel this review but this is just.. quotes cannot do this justice. 

The result.. is the reveal Todd is psychic due to being a vegan and he throwing scott through a wall with telkenisis, kyle!

It’s explained he has these powers because he’s a vegan and even was top of his class at the vegan academy. Citation... needed. Not because of his power but because Todd may be one of the stupidest beings that’s ever lived. And I once had a friend whose other friend told me, since they’d be going to diffrent high schools and he was trying to pass off his mummies curse of keeping him from destroying himself with his own stupidity, tried to run into a wall to loose weight. No I don’t get how this would’ve worked but having known the guy I guarnatee he was arrogant and dumb enough at the time to try it. Nowadays I assume he’s much better... I assume. You.. you’d have to be to have survived another decade. 

Todd is also THAT kind of smug dickhead. Thankfully I haven’t met one in real life or online, as the two vegetarians I have known, one of my best friends micheal and my uncle drew, the former of whom now also eats fish and the latter of whom gave it up once he moved to places he could get meat that was raced humanely easier, but who I still respect for having that amount of self control. But Todd is a clear parody of the type of vegan and vegetarian who think their better than everyone.. by thinking he’s even BETTER than regular vegans because not every vegan can take the strain of psychic powers, with Kim naturally sniping at him.. then flipping him off when he says “don’t get snippy babe” and is very lucky he has psychic powers as otherwise he’d suddenly be wondering where his dick is and why kim’s holding a broken bottle. 

Brian also pokes fun at the old 90 percent of your brain trope. You know the old one that claims you only use 10 percent.. 

But it’s only because your only ACTIVELY using it and the rest is simply other functions. But hey we got Deathstroke out of that claim so good enough. Todd claims it’s because the other 90 percent is curds and whey. This might be the greatest use of this outdated trope in human history. No.. no.. it is. It exactly is. 

Envy brags that’s why he can’t beat him having clearly traded disappearing up her own ass  for disappearing up todd’s, Julie was also crammed up there, it was getting crowded. Envy claims to have been with todd since age 11.. which.. is more.. delusion than anything and she brushes off Ramona rightfully pointing out that’d mean he cheated on her with Ramona as Rammy trying to distract her and trying to smack talk SCott more who has another flashback. 

SOME YEARS AGO.. I DUNNO 5? 5 YEARS AGO?

We see Scott’s first meeting with Envy, who was rooming with Julie. Julie, it might shock you.. has not changed at all in 5 or so years. She’s seen bitching at her roomate Natalie V. Adams, the future Envy, for not wanting to get drunk and high and for hanging out in her room with all her anime posters and stuff. As you can tell, she’s a vastly diffrent person at this point, a nerdy interverted otaku and as you can probably guess now the flashbacks have started at the top, we’ll be seeing how she became the sexpot rockstar she is now and how that drove a wedge betwene her and Scott. Julie SHOCKINGLY does not take this well and as Stephen to kil lher if she ever becomes friends with her. I mean I would but If I could travel into fictional works I certainly woudln’t be wasting my time murdering Julie. I’d be asking kim out and trying to get into some cool video game ablities myself. I ain’t got time for that bitch. 

Next cut Julie is ... even worse as she’s calling Scott some “jerky jerky ladykiller”, pointing out he’s hooked up with recurring background characters Sandra and Monique. Now GRANTED, Scott could’ve hurt them and Julie could be right for once..  we’ve seen he has a history of being an insenstive douche by pure accident. But.. from the sounds of it given his encounters with Sandra and Monique were both in seperate ladies rooms, as in casual hookups I assume are common in universities. As long as he used a condom and dind’t lie about being in it longterm, who the hell does it hurt. Same if he and Natlie ended up being that. He’s not a “ladykiller” if he got busy on a washroom sink. He just had casual sex in an awful location and given Scott is both horny and stupid freqently, I could buy he either inittated it clumsily and sandra and or monqiue went for it, or one of them thought he was cute and wanted a quick one with him and it just never went anywhere either due to lack of intrest or Scott being kind of a moron. I don’t buy he INTENTIONALLY hurt anyone, he MIGHT of hurt Sandra she seems kind of ditzy and might’ve not realized it wans’t serious.. but it just entirely sounds like a casual, consesual one time hookup with two seperate women. And as long as he wore a condom and repsected their needs what the fuck is it Julie’s buisness. BEcause their here freinds? I mean they told her but they weren’t expecting her to play dick sheirff with scott probably. And Natlie is not her buisness: their not really friends.. she’s just trying to ruin Scott’s day.  I honestly get the sense she only hates Scott because she can’t get rid of him, Stephen won’t dump him as a friend and he fucked her friends once. Which makes me hate her MORE. Natlie/Envy however also calls bullshit and thinks Scott’s much too awkward to be a ladykiller. Accurate. I mean he’s good with women and gets dates easily, he’s just not inteitonally leaving them high and dry. He’s just not great with empathy. 

Scott snaps back to the present and gets pissed.. and we get the real reason for the outburst as he shouts “You you ass! She USED to be NICE!”. It’s very clear that Scott blames Todd for Envy’s change into an cold and cruel person. But .. that’s not on him entirely. I do think Envy’s cattier, more cruel “play with prey like a cat with a mouse” personality at this point is due to Todd feeding into her worse impulses.... but the flashbacks make clear even before she saw him again she was slowly changing as a person for better, gaining a drive and passion for music.. and for worse, shutting scott out cheating on him and generally not carring about anything but her career, especially Scott. As much as he wants to belivie it she didn’t MAGICALLY change into a bitch overnight and beating todd won’t fix that. She became what she is as a choice. Todd just made what she became worse. 

After the predictable result of Scott getting flung into the air and falling back down, he has another flashback and we see the next phase of their relationship: Scott, Envy and Stephen playing in a band for Stacey and Wallace (!), whose hair is certainly a... choice. And the two falling in love and julie grilling scott on if he and nat are a couple because why stop making me wish for a bus to hit you NOW Jules?

So we then get ANOTHER iconic line and another scene that was perfectly translated into the film

Comic gold no matter the medium.. Brandon Routh just nailed it and I watched the scene again before writing this just out of curoisty. Flawless stuff. Check it out

I will say however that while Movie!Envy’s response of just quickly covering is pretty funny.. I prefer the comic’s envy’s utterly baffled and pissed off “What are you talking about Todd?”. Even she can’t fathom what the fuck just happened. But since it’s late and Todd’s brain is pretty fried, Envy calls for everyone to get some sleep and they’ll regroup tommorow at 1pm at Honest Ed’s. Honest Ed’s WAS a famous discount Store in Canada that sadly closed in 2016, making what ‘s about to happen to it here sad in hindsight. It was known for big sales, big spectacle and i’ts larger than life owner who sadly passed a few years after this volume. But god bless him for giving this series one of it’s best settings. More on that when we get there for now FLASHBACK

Back in College, we see Nat’s change into envy as she sells all her stuff for some bitching new boots and cd’s and during sex with Scott asks him to start calling her Envy. Their still somewhat happy, as the next flashback has Scott remembering their 8 month anniversary and her playfully mocking him as the girl.. before we get a much starker one of him telling her he loved her and her not responding.. and looking at him.. more.. bored than anything. 

Back in the present our heroes try to wait out the rain under a bank thing, can relate to the times i’ve visted the city and came out to rain, and when that fails Kim says she’s off and will see them at practice and tells Stephen to blow her when he asks her if she’s going to Honest Ed’s, then seems genuinly confused if he pissed her off before heading home. Swing and a miss stevie, swing and a miss. 

Scott is hungry and sorta drags Ramona, whose not in the mood for anything, over to Pizza Pete’s a nearbye eatery. It’s there they happen to run into Other Scott... Other Scott is another guy named Scott. He dosen’t do much in the books. But the name Other Scott is objectively funny and he is objectively nice so he’s fine in my book and I applaud the movie for using him as Wallace’s love intrest. Though I wouldn’t be REMOTELY suprised if they were fucking in the books too. And of course with him is Wallace himself, who really is just.. entering this volume in the most Wallace way possible. 

A little drunk, eating some cheap but good food, with a million dollar style and in just the exact right place at the exact right time. If that’s not Wallace Wells, I don’t know what is. Wallace and Other Scott were clubbin, not a huge suprise given Wallace has his own deep and complicated social life we never see and Wallace is naturally a little bit absolutley livid when he finds out Scott went to see Envy’s show anyway despite you know, putting him in a misery coma. Who do you think has to clean you and feed you when your like that Scott? Elves? Well I mean .. Wallace MIGHT be an elf.. but he stilld soen’t want to do either of those things.  He breifly gets sidetracked by the fact that Scott is wearing his shirt.. maybe. I mean he wore it the other day but given their living situation it’s honestly hard to tell. Ramona reminds him of his priorites

That’s part of the fun of rereading these again so soon after rereading them in december: I’m noticing tons of little moments like this I didn’t really before. The two explain things, including Ramona pointing out Scott’s extra stupid around Envy. I mean it’s a bit mean to point out given this is clearly a lot for him. 

Wallace brushes it off and promises to help him train like a true pal before being prompted to talk about this new boy he picked up Mobile.. who we wont’ see in person for a while but Wallace is clearly head over heels for and begs Scott to let him have the apartment.. or more accuratley Ramona, whose clearly not in the best of moods with Scott, to take him. His sales pitch is immaculate

So she agrees and a friendship is forged based on mutual hatred and being someone’s dipping sauce bitch. I’ve forged longer lasting friendships on far less. Also Wallace forgot his keys but wisely banked on his Gladstone Gander esque luck to help him out.. seriously i’m convinced he has a lower yield version of that. Or God wants to bang him but can’t because his penis is so powerful it CAN SPLIT A MOUNTAIN IN TWAINNNNN. You make the call. 

So they sleep it off, and Scott heads home early next morning.. and forgot he gave wallace his keys. Thankfully wallace finds him, and even got him donuts for when he came back, what a guy, makes you cry and I did. He also shows off a new trick about using your chi to dust rain off you. Turns out Mobile is psyhich which.. dosen’t come into play but for vallad reasons: Scott assumes Mobile can just.. give him psyhic powers and training but a) he and Wallace JUST met and while they’ll remain together for the rest of the series, it’s a big ask to have him help train his best friend to fight a man as dumb and chisled as a mountain, and B) “It dosen’t work that way” meaning scott’s probably not psi adept and even if he can be taught, there’s not NEARLY enough time for him to get good enough at shielding himself from Telkenisis in time given Todd’s already fighting him today and has two other oppprotunites afterwords to beat his ass to death. There’s just not enough time. So scott collapses with a donut in his mouth.. are .. are we sure this isn’t just a more attractive more sucessful canadian alternate me? 

We flashback to when Wallace met Envy and since i’ts post-becoming envy, it dosen’t go well and he hates her immidetly, and expects Scott to break up with her asap.. which while  bitchy.. actually woudl’ve been a good move in the long run. And “Bitchily phrased but a good move in the long run” has apparently always been Wallace’s go-to move. 

In the present Wallace helps Scott , who thinks everything sucks, realize it does not, with the help of fresh bacon and perspective, helping him avoid thinking Envy is “back” when she’s just vistiing and somewhat forces him to admit it’s not happening again nor should it. And implicity your both with other people, you’ve moved on, stay moved on. ANOTHER Flashback, this time with Envy asking Scott how he and Wallace met after dinner with Scott’s parents. It’s the story we’ve been hinting at since.. uh last volume. 

And indeed it is somewhat gay! Behold! The origin of a friendship to piece the heavens or .. something like that. I’m tired. 

It’s a quick breezy story that honestly both explains a lot and is what you’d expect; Wallace taking an intrest, Wallace presumibly realising Scott is straight off screen but deciding fuck it I like this guy let’s be pals instead, and jjust sorta showing up at his house. But since it’s Wallace and he and Scott both love gaming.. it just stuck. And it’s easy to see why. Scott’s a bit of an introvert and Wallace is a ton of an extrovert. Wallce is nice, naturally charming and endlessly cool, and as you can see it took him probably just an afternoon to go from freaking scott out for showing up randomly, to Scott talking the guy up and clearly being the bosom buddies they are now. The two just ballance each other out well. Wallace need’s scott’s weirdness and general heart, and Scott needs Wallace to keep him from running into the brick walls of life via his own stupidity and conflict avoidance. It’s what they do, they make it a two player game. 

So later that day, and some off screen training later, presumibly to the song Two Player Game despite the fact it didn’t exist yet, our heroes (Scott, Ramona and Wallace), Villians (Envy and Todd) and other not so much evil as just cretionus assholes (Stephen and Julie) arrive. It’s also clear that Envy just made up the challenge as she went and I fucking love it, just saying they’ll run to the back, try and kill each other and no psychic powers, with Scott’s own handicap being “He isn’t a surivivor” which earns a rightful you unebleiviable bitch from wallace and a just ast rightful “fair enough” from Scott. 

Stephen wonders what the deal is and Julie’s answer is... I don’t.. I can’t unpack this. 

Meanwhile Wallace says “I hate her so much” Which I THINK was meant for Envy, but as a teen I interpited as being for Julie. Then again it being BOTH is entirely possible given no one can stand Julie for more than five mintues other than Stephen. And that’s because he’s still in the closet and hasn’t come out as bi or gay and thus sees her as a safe option or he really sucks with his taste in partners. Or a little from collumn a , a little from collumn b. So yeah Scott wants a Strategy and Wallace has.. nothing other than “Well he can’t use his powers so.. use that. I guess.. I dunno. I’m hungover” though Ramona warns he can’t go long without using them without freaking out. So gooood? I’m starting to think Kim is the most useful member in his crew for this fight.. and she’s the one who decided to nope out of it because she didn’t want to watch his ex pick him apart mentally and her muscly new boyfriend pick him apart with MIND BULLETS. Wallace isn’t really helping this go round, though he’s still a treasure, Ramona is trying but dosen’t have much, and Stephen thought bringing Julie was in any way shape or form a good idea. Which really sums up their entire relationship so it’s not surprising, it just makes me question why the two are friends at all. 

No really,  out of Scott’s three close friends.. this friendship feels the most like two guys who just used to hang out but have no real reason too other than convience. Wallace would go to bat for scott.. with an actual bat.. to Envy’s skull. He just dosen’t want to go to jail.. again. Kim pines for him, pun intended, and also does care, she just dosen’t show it because scott’s kinda a moron parade and an insenstivity brunch rolled into one. So she sticks around even though it hurts to. Stephen.. lost his big shot in part due to Scott (Though Envy’s pushness and lack of consideration for his feelings didn’t help), his shrew of a girlfriend hates him and he’s not that good at bass... and I just got it. While Tornoto’s a big city , he’s probably not sure if Kim would be doing this without Scott. He’s.. entirely still his friend because he needs a bass player and kim’s a damn fine drummer whose hard to replace. I just got it.. it makes him a self serving douchecanoe for only being someone's friend because he needs a bass player even though he doesn’t like him, but I at least GET IT now. 

 So the rush into Honest Ed’s begins and.. my god this whole sequence is sublimely redelcous. It feels like what would ACTUALLY happen if two guys fought for the reasons scott and todd are fighting: just two idiots dinking around in a discount store. Scott dosen’t even last a few seconds before shouting in response to Todd’s taunts “We are all dead”, tripping while looking for eyeware and well..

Meanwhile Todd starts to break down while shouting FATHEERRRRRRR like all good psychics. As for how long this beautiful nonsense has been going on....

Oh and if you thought it hadn’t gotten redicously hilarious enough... wait till you see what’s next. 

No words.. should’ve.. sent a poet.. got a tubby asshole who reviews comics, disney shows and disney comics instead.... 

So we then get a montage in todd’s head with his SHOCKINGLY OLD dad telling him he dosen’t have the willpower to be a vegan.. Lynette telling him she’s his for the taking and Envy will never know as she opens her shirt, and 

Gideon.. showing he not only consults the league but confriming what the audience and scott realized: He’s behind these assholes.. but it also shows how much. He’s actively coaching them.. and granted we KNEW the exes were in contact with one another given Lucas was having an understandable sigh about Matthew.. but this shows Gideon isn’t just some player and this isn’t some automated service. He brought them all together. The how ends up being hilarious, and we’ll get to that but while it was obvious he was the final boss this is a nice and terrifying bit of clarification. As for what happened next.. well Todd freaks out with his powers from not using them

Really sad in hindsight.. but still really funny despite the horrifying concidence. So yeah our hero declares victory but dind’t really when and things just kinda end. This segment went basically nowhere and acomplished nothing. .but was still really fun, with great lines and is one of the most memorable and awesome scenes in the series.  It also shows the series growth between volumes: Last volume had a lot of cool moments.. but no real plot structure, just a bunch of things that needed to happen to get here. With Volume 3.. things are VERY tightly plotted, and even a fun but kinda pointless diversion like this... still fits in perfectly, giving us a second Scott and Todd fight to build him up, showing off just HOW powerful Todd is, and fleshing out the tofu headed douche a bit. As we’ve seen this volume still has it’s little slice of life moments the series does well. their just well put into a very compelling and fast paced plot, one we’re fully invested in as we see Scott’s torment and Ramona’s mounting anger at envy’s bullshit. It helps that Envy and Todd are the second best big bads of a volume behind gideon himslef in the fimale, with Roxy close at their heels if you were curious. Envy just oozes ego and superiority and is fun to watch every time, while we see moments once in a while that show she’s still human underneath even if she acts like a goddes.. and is admitely one of my types but that’s enough of that. She provides a nice contrast to ramona, also being standofish and mysterious but wheras ramona is clearly mysterious out of shame for a past she’s not proud of Envy is out of a past.. she has no reason to flee from and was never that bad.The only part Envy kept was Todd which was an objectively bad decision. 

Todd meanwhile like all the exes as I re-realized.. is a mirror to scott. Each one has a piece of his worse traits amplified and expanded. So far Patel has been scott’s dorkyness, expanded from 

To being a giant showy hipster douche desperate to seem cool and important. Lucas is scott’s afabliity and laziness taken to just outright avoiding a fight.. not nearly as bad as the others given he still has one of Scott’s best qualities with no drawbacks.  But Todd.. is probably the ex that mirrors scott the second most. Besides both being base players with shaggy hair, both are delightfully stupid, both have a lot of charisma besides that and both are extremley good in a fight.  But noticably.. Todd zigs a lot where Scott zags and the simlarites sort of stop. While both are objectively attractive, Todd is more conventinually chisled while Scott is more adorable, expertly reflected in the movie by having former Superman Brandon Routh opposite former George Micheal, Micheal Cera.  Todd’s ablities are mental while Scott’s are entirely in martial arts and later swordplay. Todd has a rough relationship with his dad who never supported him and constnatly doubted him while Scott’s parents fully support him and love him uncdoitoinaly and despite his protests and annoyance with them.. it���s clear he still cares about them and loves them.  And most damingly.. Scott treats people like garbage sometimes.. but it’s because he’s oblivoius. He’s a finaical burden on Wallace, cheated on Knives, gave Kim no closure, blew up Stephen’s chances at the big time, and in general can be kind of a dick.. but NONE of that is intetnional. It dosen’t make it okay, the books make that clear.. but it’s why we can still root for him: It’s something that can be fixed. Scott hurts people a lot but he lacks gneuinely malicious intent. He leaves a lot of pain in his wake.. but it’s because he’s socially inept, and again and I say this as someone with atusitim myself, defintely on the spectrum , so he dosen’t GET he’s hurting people unless they tell him. Something that will probably not shock you but I relate to and has happened to me in the past, hence while i’ll clal him a douche or stupid, because he’s both, I do sympathize with the guy as the whilrwilnd of descrution is just him being so intent on being seen as a good person and moving past things he can’t see the wreckage in ihs wake, and the series is about him growing past that mindset. 

Todd.. is just an entitled dick who KNOWS he’s probably going to hurt people but does the things anyway because he thinks as a rock star he can do whatever he wants. As a Vegan he’s superior so he’s allwoed to do WHATEVER he wants. He’s so obessed with making his dad not see him as a failure he’s developed an Ego that can only be visualized properly using well.. Ego

That’s what his ego has become. He’s so up his own ass his head is coming out of his mouth somehow. He’s so in love with himself he’s probably googled “How to make a sexy clone of yourself”. He’s scott’s oblivoiusness and selfishness, but with genuine intent. He’s scott if he KNEW what he was doing was wrong.. and said fuck it anyway i’m a rockstar baby. Todd, is EASILY what scott could’ve been at envy’s side had they not broken up.. successful.. but an utter bastard who only cares about themselves.  Anyways we cut to practice that night were Stephen is spiraling and Kim declines going to the show.. not for the obvious reasons of wanting to avoid another round of “watch Envy tourture scott before Todd beats his skull in with his psychic powers”, but because she has a date. Lucky bastard. The guys are naturally as tactful as you’d expect about this and suggest she’s doing a collage or puzzles before she shuts htem down and they awkardly recover and I laugh my ass off. 

So Scott and Ramona head out, trading some talk and what have you and having some Sushi, not going there often because they can’t afford it.. but it’s cool Scott swipied Wallace’s card. When pressed on his douchebaggery Scott assures her. 

We’ll get more into this next time, but needless to say Scott’s mooching is finally becoming a plot point next time. Speaking of next time on the way to the show Ramona realizes “Wait why the hell are we doing this” and convinces Scott not to go as they can relax, have a night off, cuddle and stuff, and then Scott can fight Todd tommorow at the big show. Why DO they need to sit in with two assholes who are only inviting them to fuck with their heads some more. Well okay one asshole while Todd is okay with all this he probably just mubled some “sure whatevers” while trying to solve a rubix cube while Envy outlined her plans to him before rearanging the stickers so he could win.. I Mean with his mind so it’s sitll a little impressive but still. 

So they TRY making out, complete with being in their undies.. but it just dosen’t work as both of them keep picturing Envy’s face and that’s not good for either of them.

AND it was at this point fucking tumblr.. ate an hour’s worth of work I just did. Probably not something you need to know or care about but something that pisses me off greatly as I was approaching the end of the review and now have to either retype or entirely rethink what I JUST spent a while working hard on. 

And this time I mean it. The only reason i’m not giving up and shelving this review for a bit.. is ithat i’m a stubborn bastard who refuses to give up that easily and who needed to vent about this to somewhere. 

So Ramona finally comes clean about Todd.. and in a nice moment admits to cheating on Lucas with him “It wasn’t very nice but I wasn’t a nice person”. It’s a small thing, something I didn’t notice before.. but it’s actually a big step given how guarded Ramona is to admit to doing something this bad. Last volume, just a few days ago time wise, she lied entirely about this and probably has no idea Scott knows already. But she’s being honest, telling him the truth so he’ll be prepared for what’s coming and know the full story.  The full story is they were both little shits who raised hell together till Todd disappeared for a while. He shows up as you’d expect, dickishily interupting class before explaning Dairy Scientests kidnapped and experimented on him. He also says this

So he proves his love. in the most badass and horrifying way possible: BY MAKING ONE OF THE TWO BIG NOTICABLE CRATERS ON THE GODDAMN MOON. 

One of the series best jokes. Ramona also takes a hard pass to learning about envy and asks about Kim... not for any reason.. just thinks sh’es nice. It’s not like she wants to make out with her face.. a lot. Just.. girl things. SHUT UP. She’s also unsatisfied with Scott’s piss take version of his relationship with her.  Closing out the chapter, Knives.. has somehow climbed a huge pile of billboardsi n the middle of tornoto.. which would be awesome.. if it weren’t such a beautifully sad image. 

Whelp my heart just exploded with pain at this poor girl whose lost the love of her live, which is a goood thing mind you but dosen’t mean it dosen’t hurt less, her faviorte band and her highlights all in the span of a month.  Moving on as we approach the final act, we get a brief scene as Todd orders some Gelato, which is itallian icec ream, very not vegan and Envy does not relaize this. Todd however rants about being a rock star, being so above people and as for the rules

We also get this lovely bit

And then they make out and i’ts treated as a big shocker despite.. us.. finding that out several dozen pages ago. We know already. 

Back at Scott and Wallace’s place, Ramona shows up with cool new blue hairdoo, which I agree with Wallace is awesome and admits she changes her hair up every couple of weeks.. someething that in the color version we do see better. We also get a gag that no longer makes sense as he asks if that’s her natural haircolor and she says yay and the caption admits this was funnier in black and white. Eh one or two jokes for some really pretty colors is a fair enough trade. 

Scott however once again bitches about his hair, despite Ramona pointing out to him and Wallace that.. there’s like dozens of haircut places within walking distance. I remain unsuprised thier that oblivous. But to shut her boyfriend up she agrees to cut his hair and while they do asks what Envy’s actual name is.. scott’s response .. is pretty heartbreaking “Natalie. She stopped liking it. Then she stopped liking me.  So Scott shows up with his NEW HAIR CUT.. aka his old one just trimmed up a bit, but the one you see in modern merch and the game. A bit shaggy but not as long. Scott reassures Stephen whose spiraling with panic that it won’t be the same as last time and they’ll have fun. Kim, understandably and having not been told anything, wonders what “last time was”. After everyone chimes in Kid chamelon i’ts time for another FLASHBACK.. as you were probably expecting by now.. but this time I added some proper effects to spice it up. 

So we find out more of whta drove a wedge between the two: Envy slowly but surely took a tryanical death grip on the band, adding some guy named Joel on the drums, possibly the same guy from Crash and the Boys, and bumping Scott to bass, without asking him or Stephen about this and just sorta.. demanding it. While her intetnions are understandable, she just wants the band’s best sound.. her actions are still head tiltingly obnoxious, and clearly show she had not studied rock history yet as usually taking absolute control of the band and ignoring your band mates is the easiet way to destroy a band. Sometimes it’s just envy, pun unintneded but welcome, but yeah.. it’s no wonder they didn’t last. Scott is also shown to be more and more uncomfortable with the band going from a fun thing he did with his friend and girlfriend.. to something that could make him famous.. something he’s very transparently not ready for and dosen’t want.  And it makes sense: he was just a dumb college kid in love.. he didn’t start the band for fame or glory.. he just wanted to have fun. Same with his current band. And while in the PRESENT his lack of ambition can be obnoxious and will be a problem in the next volume, here.. he’s still in college and sudeenly got thrust into a career he dosen’t want with a person who no longer loves or respects him. It’s understandable that he’s a nervous , miserable wreck. 

So in the present, Stephen is throwing up and asking for julie and Scott.. is a dick and ignores him. Were it anyone else and any other relationship currrently int he books I would actually give a shit. So he wonders around a bit, running into some teens who are intrested in him, word travels fast apparently, Julie, who for once displays a human emotion of concern for Stephen or the closest she can, and thankfully Wallace, Stacey and Micheal,who now has a spooky skeleton ring from the future and badly needs his own spinoff. Stacey TRIES to pump her brother up.. but it’s clear he’s in no good mental place for that and trudges off while Wallace, man of the year, worries about him.  One GOOD THING about the astronomical setback that happened is in the orignal draft of this.. I forgot to talk about Stacey. Despite promising to. So here it goes: After this Stacey.. just sorta vanishes from the series. She’s still around and while not super promient gets a decent amount of screentime in the finale, she makes cameos before then. But from this book on she’s no longer a main character like she was in the first two books. There she had several scenes, lots of focus, and her own mini arc in the first one about Wallace stealing her boyfriends. There’s. an actual reason for this as O’Malley regretted naming her after his sister and thus basically stopped writing her unless he had to, sticking her in once in a while to assure fans he hadn’t forgotten her but removing her from the main plot.  That being said while his reason is weak.. I dn’t think it’s the ONLY reason she slid into the background. The main cast already had 6 characters, and on top of that this volume heavily focuses on Envy, the next adds Lisa Miller to the mix, and every volume frmo this one on has increased focus on the ex of the week, building them up more as characters and giving them way more screen time. Stacey.. really didn’t have a unique niche or roll in the sotry the other 5 non-scott leads didn’t: Knives filled out the position as the baby of Scott’s friend group, Ramona and Wallace served as better voices of reason, Kim and Wallace had better chemistry with Ramona and thus worked better as her friends, and Stpehn. did nothing she did but still at least had a part to play as band leader and the only one of Sex Bomb-Omb with ambition. Stacey is not a bd character and DID deserve to still be  way more prominent.. but her move to the back let Kim take her place and rightfully so. And not just because of the crush on kim thing, Kim’s just more compelling and tha’ts an objective fact. Still would’ve been nice to learn more about Stacey though. 

Scott then frees his girlfriend from a conversatoin with Sandra and Monique, as Julie bitchily told both about Gideon which Envy told her about, because as your every couple of paragraphs reminder, Julie is a piece of shit. Scott then orders them some alchols, breaking his usual teetotling and runs into kim, hollie and joseph. with Hollie here to see the band and .. Joseph here to see todd. At least h’es honest.. for this volume. Anyways, our happy couple soon split off for a bit and while we bounce back and forth.. i’m just going to cover what hapepned with each seperately as SOMEHOW tumblr once again ate a good hour’s worth of work, this review is already a day late, and I have both abother one and a dental apointment today. So in short

Ramona and Kim: Kim fills Ramona in on her past.. via  tone down, seemingly contridctary, and as we’ll find out later the true version of what happened: She was with Simon, he was a dick, Scott showed up he was also a dick, things happened. I guess. Ramona is disapointed, though Kim does provide some crucial info on her moving to tronto.. and reuniting with scott. 

It honestly.. explains a LOT of why Scott is the way he is what happened with Envy. He saw Envy change entirley as a person.. and thus feels changing as a person , and smoking, is a sign of something bad.. when really it just means.. your changing. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst but we area LWAYS changing and it took me a lont time to realize that. The two are distracted from this though by Todd sloppily making out with Lynette in front of everyone. 

We’re also reintroduced to Crash and the Boys, now redubbed the boys and crash, and seemingly playing music without intsturments. The thorughly lovely and rediculous explinaton for this and their new gloves and goggles, i’ll save for in a bit. 

Scott and Envy, Scott and Knives: Scott goes out to get some air.. only to find Envy, who despite menally tourturing him for a few days insits they talk like regular people.. Scott wisely counters with “Nat when did we ever talk like real people” and while saying he won’t get to call her that again, it still chips down her walls for a second and shows that a bit of who she used to be, loath as she is to admit it, is still there. 

Scott then spots knives... and has a moment of truth. And a hell of a series of reaction panels

It’s a VERY good scene.. that i’ve written about TWICE now but regardless, it shows Scott.. genuinely changing. Ignoring his past actions, running away from them and trying to pretend he never fucked up once... that’s been his go to. It’s his main flaw and hte one that takes the entire series to deal with as we’ll get into. And it’s here.. he faces it for the first time. He’s scared of knives at first.. but realizes.. he genuinely hurt her, and she’s where she is, cold, alone, and huddled in an ally lost and confused, because of him. Sure Envy hurt her.. but so did he.. and what’s worse. he did it just like Envy hurt him. Not thinking of her as a persona nd throwing her away when he didn’t need her. And so after books of build up.. he finally takes some responisblity and talks to her. It’s WHY the books work: Sure scott’s a dick, and remains a bit of one throughout, but.. he means well, isn’t inteitonally a standoffish prick, and slowly grows PAST this, and tries to be better, for Ramona.. and just because it’s the right thing to do. 

So Knives reflects on the past few weeks, admitting that it’s been unbearably painful.. but she can’t and won’t go back to who she used to be. She’s lost her innocnce and all that, been dumped by the “love of her life”, been punched in the face by her faviorite drummer and treated like dogshit by her faviorite artist. Todd did nothing for once but gets no credit because of who we’re dealing with here. Point is.. it was a lot and while sh’es not HAPPY.. she’s greatful for it. Scott however.. steps up, saying what Envy did was wrong, she deserved better.. and finally, after how terribly he broke up wit hher.. apologizes for how he hurt her. And while Knives takes this as hope they’l get back together, Scott continues to be very mature, especially for his usual behavior, telling her no, it won’t happen, to give neil a try as whle she is dating him because he looks like Scott he’s not all bad, and that wallce was right: she was too good for him. And while Knives isn’t ready to accept it.. Scott did the right thing. Good for you man. 

So while he, and later kim and stephen seperatly, get ready, Ramona.. runs into Envy. Whose oddly nice for ahlf a second.. before bringing up Gideon and giving Ramona a barrage of insults, clearly trying ONCE AGAIN, to knock her down and wreck her. Thing is while Scott clearlya nd understandably has baggage with Envy is easy prey for her manipulative elephant dung, Ramona. isn’t. All Envy’s done is piss her off more and more with each act of high school level mean girl bullshit... and sh’es done with it. 

FIGHT’S ON. This Volume.. is honestly where Ramona really comes into bloom, pun intended, as the duetragonist of the books. While the book IS about Scott getting his life together and their relationship and he’s still her hero.. the books are also about RAMONA growing as a person, her own flaws and past, and the climax of all of them.. is just as much about her as it is scott. And this book has her own flaws come into play: Just like Scott she runs from the past, from who she was, and only faces it when needed, which will become more apparent as we go. But at the same time, we get to see far more of her personality as a result as her mysterious facade continues to drop. She’s prone to getting upset, but also clever and witty and knows her limits, knowing that going to that second performance would’ve just done no good and knowing herself very well, something Scott has genuine trouble with. She’s strong, sarcastic and knows who she is and what she wants and this volume finally brings that into focus. Not only that but her fight with Envy, is just as warranted, climatic and awesome as Scott’s fight coming up, as no one has stood up to envy due to her fame.. but Ramona.. dosen’t care. Someone’s gotta stop her, and Ramona’s taking up the job. And the awesome looking hammer. 

That being said taking up a giant hammer against a beloved celebrity dosen’t win you any point, so Ramona finds herself discouraged, even if Envy can very clearly handle herself. Thankfully she gets some encouragment from exactly who you’d expect. 

And Wallce.. turns out to be pretty useful. At least in this one fight. His shouting not only gives Ramona her fight back.. but keeps distracting envy, leaving her wide open. The tide turns though when Wallace has to pee, and Envy uses the distraction to knock the hamme rout of Raona’s hand and prepare to flatten her. But once again.. someone save sher in the knick of time.. and this time it’s the LAST person you’d expect, as Knives gives the hammer a flying kick.. and then crashes into a wall, and when Ramona, understandably not getting this since she tried to turn her into swiss cheese earlier this week, asks why, Knives admit’s she just wants Scott to be happy. Knives has grown too, and while she’s still obessed with Scott and waiting for themt o break up.. she’s no longer going to try and wedge her way in. If Ramona is what Scott wants, tha’ts what he gets. 

All three are distracted by well.. this...

State of your outfits mates. Though that line is iconic. But serously the outfits are hilaroiusly and reaslitically mismatched. Kim’s home made and overdone gothica lolita outfit that dosen’t match her AT ALL, goth yes , poofy goth no. Stephen’s johnny cash outfit he clearly had lying around and Scott’s Dad Suit. 

That being said.. still the best looking one of the three. But Envy takes advantage to regrab the hammer and try and murder the two of them.. but Scott sees this.. and well... you get it by now, one more time. Bake me away toys!

So we get the final weeks or days or whatever of the relationship. In a nice parallel to Scott playing Ramona a song he does the same for Envy.. who both questions what this is for then is confused why he’d do something so sweet. Next scene is her getting a call while their cuddling in bed from some guy she idntiefies as Jason and.. barely disguises is clearly cheating on Scott with. and could possibly be todd I dunno.  After that we get to Kid Chamelon preparing to sign a deal and Envy.. trying to press Scott into sginging it, ignoring his obvious discomfort, and then casually threanting to replace him. While Scott does give us a face punchingly dickish comment about “How he started this band to meet chicks and maybe he met the wrong chick”... he’s still somehow in the right as while he’s being a manic dickhead... Envy has ceased seeing him as a person or even something she cares about and tells him to get a hair cut and leave. 

We then get the breakup itself as Scott goes up to envy.. and she tells him to get out of her life. ack in the present, Scott’s grown enough to realize he has to stop her and does so.. by touching hte back of her knee which.. uhhhh.

So yeah.. he beat her with an orgasm, and that looks oddly hot. And i’m moving on before that last part of the sentence sinks in. Envy, once she recovers, orders Todd to do a murder on them, but Todd’s not there and Ramona, naturally, brags about him having cheated on her. Envy.. denis.. this. 

I .. don’t have time to unpack that. This review is late, I have two other reviews to get to today. Time for ANOTHER flashback. 

This time it’s Envy teling a story bok verion of her and Toddd’s relationship. It’s a real poetic and well done sequence. In a nuthsell: Envy and Todd were best friends and deeply in love as kids until todd moved away i’m guessing sometime in middle school. Deeply depressed, Envy sailed through life as sort of a ghost, TRYING to find another connection like that, but failing. Todd returned after she graduated though, and gave her a symbol of his love.. a hole on the moon. Yes another one. And they both promised to never waiver as he went off to the vegan academy. Clearly Envy did with Scott... but it paints her ambition in another light. One where she wanted to be big and bold enough for him.. but slowly carved out her old self to do so. 

And as is obvious it was pointlness: not only did Envy love someone else.. but Todd never cared as much as she did. As Ramona points out, and relcutnantly because even she feels a little bad about this one, he did the moon trick with her.. and this time Envy CAN’T deny it.. becaue the evidence is right there. 

And of course Todd.. makes his case even WORSE by picking that moment to come out of the bathroom, sipping up his pants, with panties on his head, and with Lynette following right after him. Envy.. tries to murder Lynette, her go to, but LYnette teleports out. Because she can do that. Though Envy does hit her cyborg arm so she looes that and the panties and Ramona offers to mount it at her place if Kim takes the panties, but kim admits she wasn’t scrapbooking, she said she was and was just making the dress. Horay, as ramona puts it “Col se can still be friends. Right.. FRIENDS. 

Envy TRIES to cave Todd’s skull in, get some therapy woman, but Todd naturally tk’s it away but despite being the king of all assholes DOES care enough not to fight her. Envy... plays nice then knees him in the nuts like he fucking deserves. Todd then returns to being the once and future douchebag by TK’ing her into the crowd and bragging about it. 

Scott dosen’t take this well, even after everything and the final fight begins. They have a bass fight.. but like the game i’ts redicuously one sided since Todd both is a skilled bassist compared to Scott.. and is still using his psychic powers lest you forget he’s a bastard man. 

The Boys and Crash however show up to even the odds.. and their trainig is the reason they can play music without insturments as they can now manipulate pur sound. Fucking beautiful. But even they aren’t enough and Todd swats them aside. 

While poorly is a bit harsh.. the vegan police show up, which is awesome, though the movie got thomas jane for one of them and had that high five so they win. But yeah.. while this is hilarous.. and the scene with them is great.. it’s also the weakest part of an otherwise near perfect book. It just feels a bit anti clmatic that after all this build up.. Todd is just.. beaten with a sloppy depower. The boys and crash would’ve still been a cop out, but it would’ve been a freaking cool cop out.  The thing that saves it is afterwords Scott still gets an epic finish: after they devganize him for the gelato earlier, scott headbutts him epicly and wins. He gets money and. 

A 1-up, which understandibly terrfies him but will come in hand in a few volumes. Trust me. Scot checks on everyone. Ramona’s fine, Envy is not and breifly blames scott before he points out Todd was a no good cheating dickwad, and Kim is obviously fine as nothing happend, but him asking is a nice bit of charcter growth. Kim asks about kinves but she’s okay and neil is helping her. But theshow must go on and since the headliners are dead (don’t worry he’ll respawn), in parts unknown and in emotoinal apocalypse, someone’s gotta play.

So our heroes have the show of their lives, and crowd reaction is mostly positive with Jospeh noticing htier levels were horrible, a hint for next time, and the crew interviewing everyone.. including a mysterous gentleman having a beer, who has no commenta nd walks away. 

 Gideon.. was here the whole time,but he’s not ready for Scott JUST yet. Still a really damn cool tease for the final boss. 

So we close the next day, Scott and Envy sorta make up, with both apologizing for their behavor and while Scott gets no closure, envy promises to return.. and makes good on it. But.. that’s for the finale. For now Scott’s girlfriend and best buddy give him a moment to baste in his pathos, before heading off. And in a nice bit of metaphor, the clouds part, and our three amigos walk off into the sunset and a bright future. Three down 4 to go.  Next time: Lesbian Artist Ninjas! Side Stories! Scott Gets A Job! The Band gets a producer! Kim gets a decent apartment and a boyfriend! Lisa returns! See you in feburary. 

Until then if you liked this review, spread it around andi f ther’es a comic you want me to cover, my comissions are open. Until the next rainbow, it was a pleasure. 

[theartofbeinganeldar]

The Art of Being An Eldar: Legolas x Reader Chapter 3

Summary: You, a fantasy-loving LARPing human from Earth, got dropped into a fantasy land that seems familiar to you, but you had no recollection of it. Lord Fabulous Elvenking gave you three days to find the portal that would take you home with the aide of Blue-Eyes and a host of Elves, but what you found instead was the portal was closed for another thousand years. On the way back, you saved Legolas's life, prompting Thranduil to grant you freedom, and after, you finally realized where you were; Middle-Earth. Thranduil summons the council, which is made up of powerful wizards and Elves, to decide what should be done with you...

Chapter No.: Chapter 3

Key: [Y/N]=Your Name [F/N]= Friend's Name [B/N]= Bro's Name [S/N]= Sis's Name [M/N]= Mom's Name [e/c]= eye color [h/c]= hair color [s/c]= skin color

Notes: I think Pippin's song matches the reader's situation very much, which is why I use it so often. I mean, your character fell from everything they know, their "home," and now they can't go back, but now they have this whole magical world and life ahead of them... Grief and sorrow, but things to look forward to in the future.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, graphic depictions of gore and violence (Cuz of orc battles y'know?), more angst, slow burn, some light depression in the first few chapters, some amnesia about Middle-Earth because the Valar say you're not supposed to have foresight, hard-core language, feels, lots and lots of feels, mentions of NSFW content, maybe some eventual NSFW content, LGTBQ+ characters, Thranduil being a jackass at first because he's fabulous, Legolas being a hot edgy prince that nobody can handle, Kili being an innocent bean, Hobbits being smol innocent beans, except for Bilbo 'cause he's been through some tough shit, Bard being dad of the year, Thorin being one dumbass boi, The fucking Silmarillion, awesome dragons, awesome Nazgul, awesome scenery, awesome stuff in general, Elrond isn't listened to by anybody, confused Aragorn is confused,  Denethor's a bitch as always, brace yourself for creepy as fuck Cream of Wormtongue Grima Wormtongue, Boromir lives, Gandalf. (yes these are all legit warnings don't judge me.)

Pairings/Ships: Legolas x Reader, Legolas x you, Aragorn x Arwen, Faramir x Eowyn, Thranduil x Elvenqueen, Galadriel x Celery Celeborn, Boromir x OC, Thorin x OC, Fili x OC, etc. general LoTR standard shippings plus some of my own cuz I can't stand my boys being lonely

Word Count: I try to keep my chapters short, under 2000 words.

Rating: Teen (14+) for now

When you woke up, you found yourself blinded by a stupidly bright light that singed your retinas off. "What the hell?" You shielded your eyes as you tried to find the source.

Oh.

It was Thranduil, and beside him, Legolas, the two so bright they could be hung on your porch as bug-zappers.

Ohhhh...

You were in Middle-Earth. Right. Without any memory of it except for bits and pieces. You did remember that you'd watched the movies so many times that you could've recited each line in your sleep and then some, but you couldn't remember anything but what pieces you randomly dreamed of or remembered, which were already starting to fade.

"Hi. Can I help you with something in my half-starved state?"

Blue-Eyes desperately fought a smirk. Thranduil was less impressed. "My son tells me you lost consciousness because of a lack of sustenance. What sort of repayment is that for my favor to you, may I ask?"

You cocked an eyebrow. "Excuse the fuck outta you, Thrandy, but I just learned about a week and a half ago I'd never see my family again. Forgive me if I got upset."

Blue-Eyes turned his head away, trying really hard not to laugh...

"Also," You went on with a forced cocky smile, "I just learned that I'm in Middle-Earth. Where I come from, all this-- the palace, the land, even your fancy Elven toilets-- were created by some old guy called J. R. R. Tolkien, collectively referred to as 'Jrrt.' Now, I don't remember a goddamn thing except for bits and pieces of dialogue and song, even though I knew the stories by heart."

Thranduil and Blue-Eyes-- who was no longer trying not to laugh-- eyed each other suspiciously. "You knew of this place in your world?"

You nodded. "It's very well-known. But, everybody thinks it's fiction. Unaccesible. And be glad about that, too, because if there were a well-known way to get here, there'd be lots of war, new diseases, and this place would be turned to shit, too."

Thranduil stared at you for a minute, before abruptly turning to Legolas. "Son, I am off to the throne room. I shall summon the council at once."

You waited until he left to ask what that meant.

Blue-Eyes smiled slightly. "Meaning, he is not quite certain what should be done with you. The council is made up of some of the oldest and wisest of Middle-Earth, including the wizards and those of my kin, Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn of Lothlorien, and Elrond Half-Elven of Rivendell. Do any of those names sound familiar to you?"

You shrugged. "It doesn't matter if they sound familiar or not. I never remember what anybody looks like. I just get an eerie sense of deja vu."

Blue-Eyes raised an eyebrow. "Deja... Vu?"

You sat up more, rolling your eyes. "It means having a sense of familiarity, like, really strongly. Whatever. Tell me who the wizards are."

Blue-Eyes sat at the end of your bed. "The most powerful of the wizards is Saruman the White, who resides in Isengard, on the edge of Fangorn Forest and the Gap of Rohan. The second is Mithrandir, who is most commonly known as Gandalf the Gray by most folk. The third is the much less-known-of and reclusive Radagast the Brown, but I doubt my father will request his presence; he dislikes his excessive behavior." He raised an eyebrow. "Have you heard of them?"

You nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah. So if I'm an Elf, do I like, have to learn how to act like an Elf, or should you let these really important people decide what to do after they've seen who I am?"

"The latter," Blue-Eyes specified, "But it would still be beneficial to learn Elvish. It should take them quite awhile to arrive; between now and then, you should learn as much of it as possible, after I've given you a tour of Mirkwood."

You made a wheel-like motion with your hands. "After I've eaten and taken a bath, I know."

Blue-Eyes patted your leg. A jolt of electricity shot from where he touched you. What the hell? "Good," He stood and started to leave the room. "I will leave you to your own; there is food on the nightstand, and after, a bath across the bridge there," He pointed, and as you looked across the way seen Elves.

Bathing.

Blushing, you looked to Blue-Eyes wildly. "I-I'm supposed to take a bath with other people."

Blue-Eyes frowned in confusion. "Do you not, from your world?"

"Um, no. We all bathe alone. Where I come from, one's own body is considered... Private, to everybody except your doctor or significant other."

"Oh, I see. I could have a private bath prepared for you, if you wish for it," He answered with a smile. "Even here, we may want to bathe on our own to relax. It would not be a problem." He sneered down at you. "I would not want you bathing in the shared springs anyway. You'd dirty the whole lot of them."

With a very childish glare, you stuck your tongue out at him, causing him to have the oddest look he'd had yet. You'd noticed something about him; he had the unique ability to create a range of dynamically comical expressions. "What are you doing?"

You took up a dramatically serious tone. "I am expressing the 'fuck you' gesture in an immature and childish manner used worldwide, even among the youngest." With that, you stuck your tongue out again.

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Very well, then, Sairen, your bath will be ready for you when you are finished with your meal. I will send someone for you in an hour, if that suits you."

"That suits me perfectly fine, but I beg your fucking pardon, was that 'fuck you' in Elvish?"

Legolas grinned. "Not at all, mellon. It means 'fiery' in our tongue."

"Okay." A wry smile spread across your face. "That I can deal with. But what does 'melon' mean? Both you and Tauriel have called me that so far."

Legolas smiled as he began to close the double-doors, though what they did to block you when the room had only two-foot tall walls, you had no idea. "Mellon. It means, 'my friend.'"

A warm feeling blossomed in your chest as he smiled-- for once, genuinely-- at you. You found yourself smiling back as he closed your doors. When he was gone, your smile toned down a bit, and you took a long, deep breath.

You were still upset. Very. On the inside, you felt torn to pieces. You figured it would be a long, long time before you grief lessened, if it ever did. But now that you knew where you were... It was different. You were sure of something. Where you were, and the fact that the Firemoon Portal would only open every thousand years. If you went back then, you'd already be connected to this world, and everyone in it. If time passed the same, your family would be gone, and you'd be mortal again, without a way to wait for the portal to reopen so that you could return to your new friends here.

But... You knew your family. They'd never forget you, and never stop grieving your loss. But, if they thought you might be somewhere better than Earth, and there was no way back... They'd want you to be happy. They'd want you to make a new life. They wouldn't want you to waste your life starving yourself.

You'd miss them... More than anything...

But for now...

You moved the silver platter on your nightstand to your lap, and started eating.

Home is behind...

The world ahead...

And there are many paths to tread...

***

"No, no," Tauriel corrected you. "Mae govannen."

"Mae govAHnnen."

Tauriel bit back an exasperated sigh. "Well... You're close enough."

You'd been in Mirkwood for nearly a month now, not counting the days of your imprisonment and searching for the portal. You wondered what made Thranduil (Who you still called 'Lord Fabulous' on occassion.) release you and treat you as an Elf, and as it turns out, it was Blue-Eyes himself.

Speaking of, you hadn't seen him in days... He kind of... Disappeared. There was still talk of him, and no one seemed to be worried, so you weren't; for Elves that lived forever, you bet anything that he had princely exploring and regular adventuring to do to keep him occupied.

Around the time he left, Tauriel approached you and asked if you knew any Elvish. Aside from sairen and mellon, you knew less than zero. Apparently, it was considered good Elven manners to at least speak a greeting to guests in their own language, despite what Leggy had said. Meaning, to different members of the council, you had to speak a greeting in Quenyan-- which was different from Sindarin, the most common Elvish language-- Common, and Sindarin. You'd memorized the lines, but it was the pronunciation that really befuddled your non-billingual ass.

Now, you'd pretty much gotten the Quenyan greeting: Mae govannen. It meant well met or something along those lines, but you had to add Lord Elrond Half-Elven of Rivendell. I am at your service. Which was much longer and much more complicated. All in all, it pretty much came out to, Mae govannen, Cundo Elrond Peresta-Elda mi Arcimbele. Nanye ketya veume.

English (Common.) was equally as long: Greetings, Gandalf the Gray, Mithrandir, and Saruman the White of Isengard. Welcome to these halls. I am at your service as well, should you need it.

And lastly, to Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, you had to say the most: And ana lye, Heri Galadriel and Cundo Celeborn, elen sila lumenn omentielvo. Nanye aistana et ketya toled.

And to you, Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, a star shines upon the hour of our meeting. I am blessed from your coming.

It was all a mouthful. A regal, elegant mouthful, but a mouthful that your tongue had trouble forming. In addition to all the greetings, you had to address them each in order; first Elrond, then the wizards, then Galadriel and Celeborn at once.

They'd arrived a few days ago, but you hadn't actually been summoned yet. You wondered what Thranduil had told them about you so far. He seemed like the type to exaggerate and make shit up: They're nothing but an abomination! They almost killed Legolas! They tried to kill me! They're dangerous and should be restrained! They toilet-papered my throne room!

The elaborate horns blowing signaled something evidently important; Tauriel's face lit up. "Mellon, it is Legolas! He has returned!"

Despite yourself, your heart jumped like a schoolgirl's. Blue-Eyes was back! "Really?! How do I look? Does it look like I've been taking care of myself?" Legolas would kill you if you weren't. Over the weeks, the blue hair dye had left your hair, returning it to its [h/c] color, even if you did still spike it up-- you'd been an outcast your whole life, so having short spiky hair when everybody else had long, flowing hair made you feel at home. You were dressed in dark browns, nearly blacks, in an outfit very similar to a tunic over leggings, knee-high boots, and all finished up with a long jacket, closed with Elven buckles.

"You look fine, [Y/N]," Tauriel assured you absentmindedly, and the two of you trotted down the many, many stairs and bridges to get to the massive front doors of the palace.

Thranduil and a host of other Elves were greeting Legolas, who looked as if he'd been in Sparkle Land for the last couple weeks. His clothes were in prestine condition. His hair was perfectly plaited away from his face. He wore a faint smile, as if whatever he'd been doing hadn't been stressful at all.

You and Tauriel arrived just as Thranduil finished speaking. "And you failed to locate them?"

Legolas held himself regally. "My apologies, my king. It will not happen again."

Thranduil glared down at him. "I should hope not. You will leave again in three days' time, after you have properly greeted our guests." As Thranduil spun on his heel to leave, Blue-Eyes bowed, rising up again as he seen you and Tauriel.

"Tauriel," He said, his face lighting up. She bowed slightly; apparently Elves didn't hug. He grinned snarkily when he seen you. "And [Y/N]. Last I saw you, your hair was strangely sky-hued."

You scoffed. "You can't even say sky-colored? You have to say sky-hued? Stupid Elves and their fancy ways. Good to see ya anyway, Blue-Eyes, even if you're a priss."

"I believe you mean prince."

You laughed, but it faded when he turned to Tauriel and started speaking in Elvish. He lead her away, talking, leaving you on your own. Your face fell. You wanted to tell him that you knew some greetings. You wanted to say you wanted to go with him when he left again. And the fact that you were already alone here only amplified the feeling of... Jealousy? Disappointment?

You watched them leave for a minute, before deciding you'd take a walk in the Mirkwood-- maybe it'd clear your mind. You nearly rammed into an Elf in turning around. "Whoops."

"Nothing to apologize for," the Elf said; thankfully, they'd caught on to Earth slang and understood you most of the time, instead of just assuming you were insulting them. "Thranduil Elvenking has summoned you to his councilroom. The council awaits you."

Your mouth went dry. All the feelings about Legolas ignoring you vanished in an instant. Oh shit. "I-I don't know where that is. You'll take me there, right?"

"Of course," Said the Elf, and lead the way through the twisting halls. He stopped before the one room of the palace that was actually sealed off from the rest besides the dungeons, with doors almost as big as the ones that lead out of the palace. "Here you are. They're waiting for you." He smiled slightly. "A word of advice for the introductions: let King Thranduil introduce you to them before you say your greetings." You bowed slightly in the Elven way as you thanked him.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't nervous as hell. Meeting a bunch of people, really important people... You'd met some important people before: soldiers were the main ones you'd met, aside from a couple of astronauts. Other than that...

Taking a hugely amplified deep breath, you opened the door.

Inside was a wide winding staircase lit  by gorgeously-crafted Elven wall sconces of stained glass and copper metalwork shaped into vines. Every step seemed to echo, and when you reached the top of the staircase, your breath was ripped from you. It was a pavilion. A pavilion in the one place you loved above all else: the sky.

Rails kept anybody from falling off, and it was roofed, so that you could come up here even in the rain. Birds chirped melodiously, and from here, you felt as if you could see all of Middle-Earth. Behind you was a huge mountain range-- you'd never seen mountains before. They were beautiful, snow-capped, and gigantic; the Misty Mountains, obviously. All around you, stretching as far as you could see south and a long way east and west and north, was the Mirkwood, and to the west and north were vast plains, hills, and valleys. Leaves, gold and copper, swirled around the pavilion, giving it an ethereal look. To the west, where you were facing, was a silver lake, wide and glittering in the midday sun. Standing tall and proud beside it was Erebor, home to the King Under the Mountain; currently, Thror. You didn't know why that name seemed so important, though.

You must've turned around in at least a dozen three-sixties, trying to take in what you were seeing. Even if you didn't remember most of it, here you were. You were seeing it, for real and for true, in person, in the home of one of the most revered Elves of Middle-Earth. It seemed unreal, like at any moment, you'd wake up.

A bird, queerly tame, flitted up by your face and up into the rafters; she carried food for her young, and you watched them with a smile, still in disbelief of the views.

A long sigh snapped you out of your trance. Shit. Thranduil waved at you absentmindedly. "Are you daft, vermin? I just introduced you to the council."

"O-oh--"

"Now, now, Thranduil," A wizard chuckled warmly; he wore blue and gray robes, with an immense beard and long hair. Gandalf. "If they really are of another world, then they are obviously stunned by the land. Have you not shown them their new home properly?"

Thranduil nobly facepalmed.

Meanwhile, you realized that it wasn't just Gandalf sitting there smoking his pipe.

Another wizard, this one with long, straight white hair and an equally perfect white beard, in blinding white robes with a white staff: Saruman the White. You didn't know why you got bad vibes from this guy. Beside him sat another Elf, casually, an ankle on his knee and an elbow resting on his higher leg to hold up his head with two fingers. He wore robes of brown and purple, and his long brown hair was held back with a silver Elvish circlet. That had to be Elrond; he looked amused, so you felt kind of relieved. On his left sat a guy who practically glowed, with long blonde hair and white and blue robes. Celeborn. Standing off to the side, with a kind smile like Gandalf, in a billowy white dress with a beautiful Elven circlet made of fine chains and teardrop jewels was a woman, a she-Elf, putting off wisdom-vibes stronger than Gandalf's. Her curling golden hair went well past her waist, and she held herself regally. Out of everyone in this room, she seemed to be the oldest, and the most knowledgeable.

Your Elvish greetings flew right out of your head for a minute, before Thranduil reintroduced you. "This is the council. With us are wizards Saruman the White and Gandalf the Gray, Lord Elrond of House Rivendell, and Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn of Lothlorien. Councilmembers, this is [Y/N], the one who appeared from a portal we knew nothing of-- and if I must repeat this once more, I swear to the Valar, I shall throw you off of this pavilion."

Gandalf actually chuckled at that, as did Elrond, while Celeborn cracked a smile. Galadriel seemed to find this all regally amusing. You bowed like Tauriel had showed you. At least, you'd mastered that part. "Mae govannen, Cundo Elrond Peresta-Elda mi Arcimbele. Nanye ketya veume. Greetings, Gandalf the Gray, Mithrandir, and Saruman the White of Isengard. Welcome to these halls. I am at your service as well, should you need it. And ana lye, Heri Galadriel and Cundo Celeborn, elen sila lumenn omentielvo. Nanye aistana et ketya toled."

Elrond looked impressed. "Well, Thranduil, you have certainly trained them well." Thranduil watched you with wide eyes. He hadn't known of your lessons. Suck it, Lord fucking Fabulous.

Celeborn bowed his head. "Your pronunciation is nearly perfect. Well done, young one. However, I doubt you know much else of our tongue yet, so for your sake, we shall converse in Common, if that suits you."

You almost said, It does. Thanks! But that sounded too disrespectful. "Thank you very much." You smiled, and took a seat when Thranduil waved you to the only empty one aside from Galadriel's.

Saruman started off with a wary tone. "Thranduil tells us you come from another world. Is this true?"

Out of the corner of your eyes, you seen Thranduil roll his eyes. "Yes, sir. I come from a place called Earth."

The councilmembers exchanged glances. "That sounds strikingly similar to Middle-Earth," Said Gandalf, and raised an eyebrow. "Are there any similarities between this world, and yours?"

You shook your head sadly. "Not anymore. My people ruined it. There aren't many places like this anymore."

Saruman stiffened. "Then what happens if your people find the portal? Surely, they will try to ruin this, as well?"

You made a face. "They would, yeah, but my people are also really stupid. It'd take a stupid accident and a lot of chance to fall through that portal again, and Legolas said that it only opened once every time a Firemoon happens."

"Legolas?" Elrond asked, curiously, as if this hadn’t been mentioned before. Of course it hadn’t.

You nodded, unsure of why you suddenly had to fight a flush at the mention of his name. "He helped me find the portal with some of his Elven friends when I first got here. We found writing-- he said it was used before the time of even Gondolin. I don't know when that is; is that a long time ago?"

"Very," Replied Gandalf. "Odd... A portal of that magnitude would have to be created by wizards of some sort, especially at such a time..."

A thought suddenly popped into your head. "Some people think we have magic," You piped up, and all eyes were suddenly on you. "But it never works. Not effectively. Just standard hocus-pocus and the power of suggestion. But hundreds of years ago, there was this really mysterious guy who they say really did have magic, which he used to help others. His name was Merlin; he looked kinda like you, Gandalf. But he was in another country, where I come from; where I was when I fell wasn't anywhere near where he traveled."

Saruman narrowed his bird-like eyes. "Then what relevance is this?"

"Because if there was one wizard like you guys in the past," You pointed out, "Why couldn't there be others? There's so much we don't know about history-- we're more intent on wiping out what we don't understand. What if the wizards traveled between worlds and time? Hell, they could be you guys from the future, and it just hasn't happened yet."

"They have a point, Saruman," Gandalf agreed, much to your relief. You didn't think they'd understand the concept of time travel.

"There is nothing we can do about the portal now," Elrond said decisively. "It is closed, and if we tried to destroy it, we could only do damage. It is an easy enough position to defend; should an army come through, they'd have only one entryway."

"Says who?" Saruman challenged. "There could be other portals we do not know of, some that people have not had the misfortune of falling into yet. How do we know that this invader is not a spy to seek out these portals and prepare them for war?"

You fought a sigh. Damn this small-minded son of  a bitch... You tried to think of something smart ass to say, but nothing fit the situation.

"They are not, Saruman." Lady Galadriel's voice was sudden, light, and smooth, like honey. It radiated outward with an undeniable power that could make anybody listen to her. "Their thoughts do not lead there." Shit. I mean crap. I mean dang. Mind reader. "They are afraid, and worried... They miss the family they left behind, but they are willing to make a life here, since they have no way of returning."

You nodded. "My thanks, my lady."

Lady Galadriel bowed her head in response.

"Build a life?" Saruman inspected you carefully from where he sat. "You are nothing but an infiltrator. Why should we allow you a place among the citizens of Middle-Earth?"

"It does not have to be here," Thranduil pointed out, and your heart shot to your ankles. "You have an unfortunate habit of collecting needy strays, Elrond; why don't you take them with you when you return to Rivendell?"

Elrond shot him a glare.

Um, I think the fuck not. Lady Galadriel, tell them I say no! Tell them I want to stay here! You thought of the views, and of... of Blue-Eyes...

"Perhaps they should be isolated," Saruman said. "Somewhere they cannot concoct any mischief. Rohan is quite strict, as Gondor is watchful. Either would suffice. Perhaps centuries of isolation in Isengard itself would keep them in line."

"Maybe the Shire would be good for them," Gandalf said. "The hobbits are quite peaceful little creatures. Then again, if isolation is what we are looking for, then Laketown couldn't be better. Or Dale; the dwarves don't let anyone commit any mischief from Erebor."

I don't want to leave...

"Lothlorien would perhaps be suitable," Celeborn added. "Or, maybe even the mines of Moria. I do not have much love for dwarves, but they would be kind enough to them."

"What," Interrupted Galadriel, "Does the subject of our conversation think of this?"

Silence fell. You took a deep breath. "I... I'd like to stay here." You seen Thranduil's head turn slowly to look at you, and you could hear him thinking, the fuck did you just say? "Please, my lord."

A tense silence fell over the room. Finally, Thranduil sighed. "I do not want you here, invader. You would have to prove your loyalty and skill beyond a shadow of a doubt."

You perked up. "Legolas is going on some super-secret missions, right? Maybe I could go with him. You trust him of all people to tell you the truth about me, right? So maybe I could prove myself then."

Thranduil thought about this for a moment. "Legolas is hunting for the orcs who are trying to overtake our borders. He found them, but he let them escape, even though they were a small group. He is leaving in three days with reinforcements; you may join him."

You almost visibly sagged with relief. Almost.

"However," Thranduil added, "If I find his report unsatisfactory, you will go with one of the councilmembers and leave Mirkwood. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good."

Elrond nodded to you. "You would have a home in Rivendell. It is the last safe haven of the Elves in Middle-Earth." He gave Thranduil a pointed sideways glance. "My people are welcoming and kind. They would be glad to have you." With a slight roll of his eyes, he gestured to Gandalf. "And of course, Mithrandir..."

Gandalf looked excited. "I would take you on my journeys with me, if you so desired. First, I would take you to the Shire. Very nice people, those hobbits. And of course, dwarves would be next."

"I thank you both," You smiled slightly, and you truly were grateful, but... "Then it is settled," Thranduil said authoritively. "Elrond, Gandalf, you are welcome to stay here until Legolas returns."

"I would be grateful," Elrond said, but Gandalf defiantly snorted. "I, dear Elvenking, already have arranged for lodgings in Laketown. Send for me once they arrive, so that I may know what I must do."

You felt buoyed a little. Gandalf didn't one-hundred-percent think you'd fail. And you wouldn't. You'd kick ass. You'd save Blue-Eyes's ass again. You'd come back triumphant, and Thranduil would have to let you stay.

Wouldn't he?

Thranduil left first with Elrond and Celeborn, followed by Gandalf and Saruman closely. Galadriel looked out over to the lake, all shiny and pretty and with her hair billowing majestically. "Why do you wish to stay among those who do not wish for your presence?"

You were stunned by the question. "I-I don't know... I've lived all my life an outcast... The hated one... I've just grown used to it. Being somewhere where people would be nice to me makes me uncomfortable. But there are a couple of people nice to me, and that's enough."

Galadriel was silent for a moment. "You think of him."

"Uhhh..."

"The prince."

You did blush this time. "I-I don't--"

"You are one of the Eldar now, mellon," Galadriel stated slowly. "Eldar only fall in love once. I have known many who have been broken by that which is unrequited. Do not be one of them."

You thought about her words for a second. "I don't love him... I don't even have like a crush on him or anything..." I've only known him for a couple days, overall.

Galadriel nodded slightly into the breeze. "Sieze it, if the chance arises. But if it does not, or if you do not think it will... I advise you to seek for a home elsewhere." You got the gist. If I do fall for him on my mission, and I know it won't go anywhere... Leave, even if I succeed.

Your heart was heavy at that thought, but you knew she was right. "Thank you, my lady."

"You need not thank a friend for giving advice." She smiled at you, and you left the pavilion with a deep bow, trying desperately not to let your heartstrings fall apart.

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